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#having sad feelings today i need to remind myself that things can and will get better
mxwhore · 2 years
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i love you lab grown diamonds i love you slavery-free chocolate i love you community gardens i love you fact that the insulin patent was sold for $1 i love you locally produced meat and milk i love you streets turned into walkable parks i love you little reminders that Things Do Not Have To Be This Way and there are people working to build a better world!!
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pathetic-sapphic · 7 months
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Can you do the arcane milfs with a fem s/o and they react to her flinching after a small argument? Like they are going to run their fingers through their hair and she thinks they’re gonna hit her? And just hurt/comfort type thing. If you don’t want to do this that’s completely fine. Thank you 🤍
Arcane milfs when their S/O flinches during an argument
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At first, SEVIKA doesn't understand why you flinched away like that. She knows that she can be angry and stubborn sometimes and when you two argue, it's frustrating for the both of you. She goes to run her hand through her hair in an attempt to cool off, but her heart drops when she sees you flinch at her movement. Cue her sad puppy eyes, the look that she gives you tugs at your heartstrings. She knows she's a brute, but she needs you to be aware of the fact that she'd rather die than ever lay a hand on you. Sevika sits down on the couch and pats the space next to her, signaling for you to have a seat. When you do, she hesitantly wraps a comforting arm around your shoulders, pulling your face to rest in the crook of her neck. You can feel the way her lips press a lingering kiss into your hair before she leans down to whisper comforting words into your ear.
''I'm so sorry, baby. I shouldn't have lost my cool. You know I'd never hurt you, right? I'd rather die than have that happen. I'm sorry I scared you, I promise you we'll get through this. It's okay, I've got you now and I'll kill whoever dared to raise their hand against you. No matter how many times we argue, I'll always protect you and keep you safe, my sweet girl.''
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GRAYSON knows, she knows that you're just worried for her and that you don't mean to burden her. But she had a long day, Marcus annoying her to hell and back, her other co-workers nagging at her and the troubles in the Undercity are growing every day. She's tired and she just wants to sleep with you in her arms. But you're sitting next to her on the couch, scolding her for not taking care of herself. Grayson talks back to you, irritation in her voice evident, asking you to get off her back for once. She doesn't mean it, she hates raising her tone at you and as soon as she realizes her mistake, Grayson lets out a deep sigh and goes to run a hand through her hair. Just as she does that, she notices the way you flinch and it takes her no less than a second to realize what happened. Oh, now she feels even worse. Has she been neglecting you and brushing you off so much lately, that you're afraid she might hurt you? Immediately pulls you into her embrace, letting your head rest on her chest as tears gather in her eyes. Work be damned, she needs to remind her wife how much she loves her and, above all, Grayson must work on her communication and make up for lost time.
''Oh, darling, I wasn't- Oh, come here, please. I am so sorry, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you like that. I know you only want the best for me and how much you try to keep me safe and healthy. I wish the same for you, I'm sorry that I haven't been good to you, my love. I love you so so much and I'll work on myself so I can show it to you properly. Let me hold you for a bit, please. I'm sorry I scared you, it won't happen again, I promise.''
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CASSANDRA loves you dearly, and never fails to show you that. No matter how busy she is, she always makes time for you and pays attention to anything and everything you might need. Usually, she loves listening to you ramble about your interests, but today has just been so exhausting and she can feel a migraine brewing. You notice her tense posture and try to lighten up the mood by making small talk, albeit being a bit vary of her annoyed expression. When Cassandra sighs loudly and lifts her hand up to rub her forehead, you cannot fight the slight flinch that takes over your body. Cassandra looks over at you with a shocked expression, ashamed that she made you feel scared in her presence. She gestures softly for you to lay your head in her lap, caressing your hair comfortingly once you do so. As soon as she feels better, she plans on taking you on a lovely date to make up for her behavior. It's not your fault that her fellow Councilors are incompetent, you're her darling girl and she knows that you're just trying to make her feel better.
''Oh, sweetheart, come here. Lay your head on my lap... Yes, just like that. I'm sorry, my darling, it's been a long day at work but that is no excuse for me to treat you like that. I apologize for scaring you, you know I'd never do anything to hurt you, yes? Good, I only want you to be happy and healthy, beloved. How about tomorrow, we go on a lovely outing, just you and me? Perfect, I'll make sure we have fun and forget about every little thing that might trouble us. Let us rest now, my love.''
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AMBESSA is well aware of how other people see her; ruthless, cunning and a brute. But she doesn't want you to view her like that, she'd rather give over her power than do anything to scare you. But being so used to putting on a frightening and merciless face in front of others, it eventually shows briefly when she's with you. Fights between the two of you happen occasionally, as Ambessa still struggles with balancing and maintaining a romantic relationship. She forgets herself sometimes and her feelings can be hard to reveal, even to you. She knows that you've been more than patient with her but she herself isn't that kind of a person and as she huffs angrily in the midst of your argument, she raises her hand swiftly to run it over her face in frustration. Even in all her anger, Ambessa couldn't miss the way you flinched at her movement, her once cold heart now breaking at the sight. She sits on your shared bed numbly, taking your hands in hers and looking up at you with sorrowful eyes. Ambessa gives you an honest and tear-jerking apology, assuring you that she loves you and she'd never do anything to bring you harm. You're her only light in this cruel, dark world.
''What have I done? My dear, you know I'd never... Well, I suppose you don't, especially with how I've been acting towards you. There aren't enough words in existence to tell you how sorry I am. No matter how closed off I am with my own feelings, it's never an excuse to take it out on you. You're the only good thing I have, the only person who can ground me and I promise to treat you right from now on. I'm sorry I failed in doing that, my beloved. But I promise I'll change, for you. Because you're worth it.''
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sluttysissyslave · 6 months
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For Sissies and Alike!
This is a very long post so bear with me, do with it what you wish, forget it if you want to, but maybe, just maybe consider it. So, let me tell you why and how you all became what you are today, and how to go forward. If you feel you relate to it then let it sit, if it doesn't, forget about it.
Most of you developed these feelings when you were alone and sad, your standards dropped lower and lower without you even realizing it, and next thing you know you're fantasizing about being a slut for women, or maybe even men. But what you forgot about, was that originally, you were just searching for female affection, the touch of that girl you really liked but were too afraid to go up to. You became so desperate for love, for some sort of connection that you started modifying things... "Maybe if I submit myself to a woman she will finally love me" you degraded yourself for love you didn't try hard enough to get. And now, behind a digital screen you've found what you call your little safe space, you don't feel like you're alone in this anymore, it's your coping mechanism. You seek validation in a place designed for men to be degraded, not validated. If you started cross-dressing when you were young. Ask yourself: did you get a lot of human connection? Did your parents pay attention to you? You realised that girls receive all the attention, the love you so desperately wanted that no-one gave you when you were young. So you subconsciously realised the being a girl could get you that. When you wore the girly clothes and finally felt warm, and embraced, you just manifested that for yourself over time and when it happened you actually believed it, which is only natural, that's what manifestation does. Your mind tricked you into believing that you found what you were looking for. 
So, we've established that doing sexually feminine things is because submissive thoughts in a gay way is because you crave the love and affection you've been missing in your life. 
Some people call this mental illness, I think that's disrespectful and inaccurate, I say these traits are mental coping mechanisms, and you know what? They feel good, they feel great in fact, but they aren't what you were meant to be, you find solace and comfort in those rushes of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals. But let me remind you, this isn't a long-term solution, you will realize this as time goes on, so you'll go even more extreme to cope, to get an even bigger rush. You need to reconsider, the withdrawal will feel terrible, but the way you are currently going won't get you to the desires you were always meant to have, not the ones you might think you're currently suppressing.
Brainwashing:
Arguably you are truly the victims, but no-one is coming to save you but yourself. You will always be tested, from all sides, it's up to you whether you give in or not. Be strong, don't give in, stand your ground. Trust that there's always a better way, a better option, one that's more rewarding than the path you're on now.
So why are you the victims? Well in modern western society it is being slowly programmed into people from a very young age, as soon as they can absorb information. Ideologies that men are worthless, good for nothing, and that women are superior. I don't want to go into the details of why this is the case because then you'll be reading this until tomorrow, but trust me that it's the case, and let me prove it with an adequate example. Most submissive men (and all woke and other LGBT people are all located in the "rich" west), almost none in eastern and conservative countries. Why is that? They don't have exposure to these things from a young age, it's not that sissies and alike don't exist there, they aren't created. Also they are often poorer than you are, with lots of social security, peace and plentiful resources, people get lazy and weak, those people living in let's say, Moldova, have other things to worry about than putting on makeup and sticking a butt plug up their bum. They aren't suppressing any femininity (sexually), they never had any to begin with.
Let's talk about how you and your thoughts are being manipulated.
Origins in modern pop culture:
Tv shows - the man is always the idiot and the woman is always the smart, reasonable one. That wasn't always the case in civilized history, both men and women were smart and reasonable, their combined traits completed each other's and they could be a strong couple. Let's look at some examples… It starts with Friends - Joey, Chandler, are portrayed as a bit dumb, and the girls generally smarter. The Simpsons - Homer is an idiot, his wife is the real boss. Family Guy - Peter is an absolute idiot and Louis is the brains of the family, a voice of reason. And it's even in shows for little children, in Peppa pig The father is hardly a figure to look up to. The disrespect towards men has been going on for decades, and it really started, rather perhaps interestingly, after the fall of the Soviet Union, but I once again don't want to get into politics or else this post will never end. We are at a stage now where especially if you're white you are almost persecuted for it. You can't disagree when I say all people should be treated equally right? So why doesn't that apply to race. A fitting quote to go by for this would be: "Don't humiliate yourself before anyone, and don't haughty yourself over anyone"
I actually feel terrible for the genuine, kind, trans women who have done so much for themselves and still don't maybe feel good and satisfied. You've had to overcome a lot in pursuit of happiness, and whether you made you right or wrong choice is now irrelevant. Try to live your best life with what you have, and don't look back, it's too late for that anyway, it would only make things worse now. Look towards the future and never look back, do things which make YOU happy, and not someone else.
For dominant women: Don't see this as a threat, there will always be guys who are more submissive, everyone is definitely and spread out all across the scale, you'll find who you're looking for, only men with with low self-esteem want a weak-minded woman who they can control in all aspects of life. Most men like a strong-minded woman, I also want a strong woman. But don't confuse this for sexual submissiveness/dominance, those aren't the same thing. Feminine doesn't mean weak! 
General statement: The world is all butterflies and fairy tales now, enjoy it while you can, it will get worse, wars are coming, political and ideological changes are going to happen and if you are unprepared then, I have news, it won't end well. You are living in a digital jail right now, you are getting affected/manipulated, but at the end of the day you are the one who holds your own phone or opens your computer. Give yourself the power to control yourself, and free yourself of this jail.
IDEAS AND SOLUTIONS
Become the type man you'd want to serve: Often I see people with slight or fully gay fantasies about men, or being outperformed by certain men (women want them and not you. Become that man. It's going to be hard, in fact it's going to be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, and it won't even come close. Try it, a person should be adventurous in life so why wouldn't you like to feel what it's like being that person? And the best part is, if you don't like it, you can go back to what you were before and say that you've tried it all and found what you really are, but you can't say that without actually experiencing it, not even a discussion. It'll be a process for a minimum of 1-2 years, and will require discipline and self-control, hey that's similar to serving and/or being locked in chastity, both of those require discipline and self-control too. You can do it.
Find yourself: People love talking about finding themselves, I read it here every now and again, "I found my true self here". You cannot find yourself behind a digital screen, you will find yourself by putting yourself in difficult situations, the easiest way to do that is by going into nature. Take a large backpack with only your essentials and survive in the forest for a week. If that's too much, then just go out in the morning, spend the night and come back, walking through terrain and getting to some destination. Maybe you live in a cold climate, in winter go out into the snow and walk around the forests all day. Remember to bring an emergency phone if going to places you don't know too well. 
Estrogen vs Testosterone: Estrogen makes you girly, and Testosterone manly, we know that right? To increase your estrogen naturally you can drink soy product, live an unhealthy lifestyle, and mentally stimulate yourself. You cannot produce as much estrogen naturally as a woman does, you'd have to take supplements. A healthy lifestyle in women increases their estrogen, and a healthy lifestyle in men increases their testosterone. You can increase your testosterone by exercising, eating meat (protein), onion, dark chocolate, a Mediterranean diet is pretty good, and of course getting high quality sleep, (here I am at 3am writing this post - hypocrite, I'm ashamed and I'll work on it).
Reward yourself. When you achieved a goal to becoming your new masculine life, treat yourself to something fulfilling. Whether it's some sort of food or an experience. We all need positive affirmations. You can reflect on what you've done well and what you've done poorly. Like me who wanted to s few important things and instead procrastinated for 3 days, hence, no reward, but as double self motivation I'll do a super big reward after putting myself together and getting all I wanted done (this post was no. 5 priority).
Belief. Believe in yourself that you can do it, your mind is extremely powerful, you give it less credit than it deserves, if you channel it the right way then it was serve you as a great tool.
Energy. Energy is another real, powerful, but invisible thing. Have you ever entered a historical religious place of worship? Like an ancient church in Europe or a mosque in the old Ottoman Empire like Turkey or even spain, a Buddhist or Hindu temple in Asia… they all have energy which you can feel, you absorb things differently with various energies. Or maybe more relatable, you're having fun at an outgoing fun party, you feel good right, smiling and enjoying life. That's positive energy. If you put yourself in environments with the type of energy you are currently looking for, it will help, a lot. I don't mean to say you should be religious or anything, but there's nothing wrong if you are or want to, it gives you hope and a sense of safety and security in its own ways.
Stand up for yourself. Have some morals and beliefs which you like and stand by. Don't be afraid to defend them in an argument.
This is my first authentic post on this website and I was very hesitant to make it, after all no-one might even read what I spent so much time on, but if at least one person is somehow positively influenced then it was worth it. I know that I will probably be reported by someone simply because they didn't agree with what I wrote, and my account will be taken down. If you don't agree with the things I said then ignore them, I made this for people who can resonate with something I wrote (not at all necessarily all of it), people who don't even know why they like the things they like, know it's not what they always wanted but find pleasure in it now. Hence please reblog if you like what you read, it won't be here forever.
If you are unsure or want to discuss anything feel free to DM.
If you want to do some research yourself, start with researching "Subliminal perception". It's absolutely everywhere and affects everyone, like it or not.
I might start positive things with a little political subcontext explaining my points further.
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thesirencult · 6 months
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A LETTER FROM YOUR FUTURE SELF
Sometimes the golden threads of the past, the present and the future get entangled. We get to look out of the window and witness what lies ahead or, in reverse, we can look from above to the present and past time and re-evaluate the situation we used to be at. May this letter serve as a reminder that there is a version of you down the line which has escaped on the other side of the veil and they are ready to share their wisdom.
You can book your tarot or astrology reading with me by directly messaging me ❤️ Till then, enjoy this general message waiting to find you 🌙
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PILE 1
"I was going through albums full of photos, hugs, love, tears and sadness. I know that we've come a long way now. Sometimes I want to forget and other times to remember. There is always this book that I reread over and over again whenever I want to meet you again. It feels so long ago yet it was what? 5 years? 7? Certainly not that long ago. Yet so many things have changed. That book holds so many memories of us. I love you. You are my little teddy bear. I can not comprehend how we made it or how badly people treated you in the past. There is a place in my heart I keep hiding you in. I talk to you constantly in hopes that you will hear me at some point and realize that we are meant for so much more and we will get that. We just have to wake up and break free from the chains and constraints of others. I love you, for all the beautiful moments we spent together and all the times we cried alone on a cold pillow. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Yours forever and ever and ever,
U 🌧️
PILE 2
"When I try to find the words to talk to you I struggle. I don't feel that much of a connection to you. I've changed a lot and I see my timeline as fragmented. I don't feel proud for you but that doesn't mean I resent you. How could I? You brought me here. You were the one who transformed and broke from the pain, but it was a rough time for me and I try to distance myself from addictions and betrayalz.
Anyways, I wanted to let you know that it's done. We are safe. You wake up in the morning feeling calm and rejuvenated. We don't need it anymore. We don't need them anymore. We take joy in the mundane. Don't roll your eyes! Boring is safe and learning to be still in a world that's always moving will help you ground. Stay safe love ❤️
Yours, faithfully.
(I don't even know why this name came out but maybe it resonates with someone, so I will mention it. Ashley.)
PILE 3
"We are free. We found a lover that let's us breathe and we no longer fear our power and beauty.
We no longer feel threatened by others and we don't have to hide our true selves.
I passed by our old house today and I saw mom and pops. They are doing fine. I went by the doghouse of our old pet and I still cry after 10 years without them, but it's okay, we've loved and we kept a piece of them in our hearts. They still visit us in our dreams you know. A friend like that never leaves you.
Our lover is sweet and safe. They are disciplined and a rock for us. We are still tumultuous and unorganized and they can withstand the dark clouds same as they do the sunny days out. They are a champion and they don't find us difficult to love. They marvel in our strength.
You will grow old together and built a few different houses but the home will always be in your hearts.
I remember you all the time. You would be grateful if you stayed. Don't go, we'll get there. Don't leave me please, I don't want to miss my lover and our home. No matter the weather stay.
Yours now and forever.
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mangosrar · 5 months
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Wake up.
chris sturniolo x fem reader.
warnings: mentions of death. sad.
an: this is basically like a journal thing that chris wrote after his girl died :/ i cried while writing this😍
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its only been 5 days but i hate you and im so angry. how could you do this to me. you’re selfish. you’re a coward for leaving me. i could’ve helped you. we were in love we have been for years. how could you ever just leave me alone here without you by my side. you were weak you took the easy way out and left us to deal with the consequences.
today was your funeral. it was nice. exactly how you would’ve wanted it. the flowers the music. the casket. exactly how you would’ve liked. your mom asked me to give a speech but i had to go to the bathroom to throw up. i couldn’t do it. i couldn’t stand there and tell everyone how beautiful and funny and kind you were. not are. were. because you’re not here. your mom held me back when they were burring you, i couldn’t take it. i wanted to get in there and shake you and yell at you to wake you up. seeing your body get lowered into the ground was like the last goodbye. i know you’ve been dead for a couple of weeks but it was like you were still here in a way. i was waiting every day to wake up from this horrible dream and you would be there to hold me and tell me its all going to be okay. i couldn’t let you go. i couldn’t have the only thing i ever loved ripped away from me. i wish i could switch our place. i wish i could have you here. i need you here because i still haven’t woken up.
its been a month and it still don’t feel real. im not angry anymore though, just sad. i wish you would have told me, we could’ve worked this out together, that’s what we were supposed to do. i forget what your voice sound like and have to look back on videos to remind myself. how will i ever be okay again. this is like a sickness, a flesh eating bacteria that has gotten into my bloodstream and spread throughout my entire body. it would probably hurt less for you to die all over again. at least i would know what to expect. i think im dying. i could be. matt said i wasn’t but he don’t know what this feels like. he doesn’t know what it feels like to have the love of you’re life one day and to not have them the next. he doesn’t know what its like to have this hole inside of me that only you could fill. he doesn’t know what it feels like to know that that was the last time i ever saw you, last time i ever kissed you. last time you ever told me you loved me. i should have known. you held me extra tight that day. you knew i was never going to see you again. you knew and you let me leave your house. you let me look into your eyes for the last time ever. you allowed me to tell you i loved you for the final time. how could you. i just want to wake up from this fucking nightmare.
its been 2 months and things haven’t changed. its almost your birthday. last year we spent it together in the cape. this year ill probably bring flowers to your grave and cry, pleading for some sort of miracle to bring you back to me. its like you’ve taken a part of me with you. i can never get it back. i will never be the same again. i just wish i could have you, i still haven’t died yet but i think its a long process to die from this type of thing. its painful too, more than a mental pain. its a strong physical pain that i feel deep in my bones, or like i get this really dull ache in my chest whenever i think about you, witch is almost constantly. it hurts so bad honey. like my soul is calling for yours but its getting no reply. i would like death that way. to die at the hands of heartbreak. or maybe just to you. i would die and let you take my place if it meant i got to hold you one more time. i just want to have you back. why would you ever do this.
happy birthday. i wonder if you knew that last year was the last birthday you would ever had. maybe. but today isnt special. today is sad and painful. i went over to your house today, and for the fisrt time since i saw you for the last time i went into your bedroom and cried for hours while lying on your bed. the house still smells like you. it made me throw up. i need to have you back or i might die. i fell asleep after a while tho and woke up to matt. id been there for hours and he was worried but i thought it was you. i almost had a stroke. i was in your room, on your side of the bed, holding your pillow waking up to the smell of your perfume. how could you blame me. i hated it. i threw up again after that. but its still your birthday so i lit the candle that was on your coffee table, and i know you’re not supposed to tell your wishes but i wished for you back. like i do every day, morning and night, i wished for you to be mine again, i wished to wake up from this pandemonium of a terrible, terrible dream and to have you wrapped up in my arms where i know you’re safe, where i know you should be. but your not so now i have to remember you for longer than i have known you. happy birthday lovey.
SAD ASF RN
taglist: @christinarowie332 @soursturniolo @biimpanicking @azkabanstar @freshlovehacker @urmyslxt @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @mattenthusiast @flowerxbunnie @mattsd0ll @iheart2021chris @its-jennarose @hearttshapedkisses @lovingsturniolo
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junicult · 1 year
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Hello!! I love your posts! Are there any physical or emotional attributes that the bachelors love about you? Can be nsfw, or sfw, whatever you want! No pressure❤️
!! what the bachelors love about you
contains ; some nsfw! fluff. suggestive. fem!farmer. minor desc of reader (very very brief appearances). facial. reader is hinted at being fairly social or enthusiastic. smut (harvey & shane). reader wears makeup. not proofread.
note ; i really tried to make this entirely sfw but i couldn’t help myself i’m so sorry 😭😭
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harvey.
- there isn’t one thing this man can pick that he loves most about you.
- ever since he first met you, he always found you so beautiful, and when he got to know you he’s never fell more in love.
- so picking a favorite? that’s hard.
- there’s parts of you he enjoys some days more then others. but that’s not to say he doesn’t enjoy them all the time.
- like, you could just be casually talking to him and he can’t help but think, “her eyes look so beautiful today.”
- it’s not like he hasn’t noticed how pretty your eyes looked before, he just really noticed how pretty they look right now.
- but if he had a feature of yours he’ll never get enough of, no matter how many times he gets to see them, feel them—
- it’ll have to be your hands.
- your slightly calloused palms from your hours of farm work. you keep your hands clean any time you have the chance, washing and rubbing lotion on them.
- how no matter how much you work with them, they’ll still be soft to the touch when he gets to hold them.
- lacing your fingers together, quietly humming about your day and it might look like he isn’t paying attention bc his eyes are glued to your fingers.
- when you softly run your palm down his arm, squeezing his shoulder and leaning up for a kiss.
- when you cup your hands around his cheeks just to gaze into his eyes.
- he can’t help but feel a little sorrow when he’s at work, and he reminds himself of the fact that your hands aren’t in his.
- it’s such a subtle display of affection,
- yet it’s his absolute favorite. he can’t get enough.
- another one is when you say his name.
- it makes his attention perk in a way that doesn’t really work coming from anyone else.
- don’t get me wrong, he loves when you call him petnames, like, “baby,” “sweetheart,” or “honey.”
- they’re so domestic, it makes him swoon when he gets to remember the fact that he’s all yours.
- but when you say his name,
- ugh.
- it just reminds him of a time when you weren’t dating yet.
- when he’d spend his days and nights pining after you, thinking about you constantly with red flush heating his cheeks.
- where he would spend hours of the day wondering when you’d walk in to take up his time, and when he’d get sad if he didn’t get to hear a chipper, “harvey!” from your familiar octave bursting through the door.
- there’s nothing like it.
- when you’d so sweetly ask if he needed any help, tapping on a “harvey?” at the end so he could really melt in your hold.
- idk, it just does something to him.
- once he heard you say his name, he never wanted to hear his name any other way again.
- which also adds intoooo🥁🥁
- how you moan. (🎉🥳)
- sorry, i had to.
- it’s an insane confidence booster.
- when he buries his head into the crook of your neck, his ear just over your mouth so he can hear and feel every pant that leaves your lips.
- it’s like, he’s not even doing that much. just moving at a rhythmic pace, one that’s at the perfect speed for the both of you,
- and every time his hips meet yours, you can’t help but exhale a short, high-pitched moan.
- but that’s nothing compared to when he eats u out.
- it’s a completely different kind of pleasure,
- for you and him.
- when your head’s thrown back, fingers tight around his fluffy dark strands and you’re just so fucking loud.
- when your breaths stutter and your back starts to arch,
- and all you can get out is a weak, “fuck, harvey—“
- he’s finished.
- & so are u lol.
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sam.
- another man who’s not picky.
- he’s already a pretty carefree person. super go with the flow.
- a himbo, if you will.
- and he’s so cute. i feel like there’s just air wafting around in his mind at all times.
- so whenever you’re in his presence, or he even just catches a glimpse of you, he’s like, “my girlfriend!!!”
- not a thought beyond those eyes besides you.
- he just loves your lips.
- how they move when you talk, how they curl when you’re mad, how they pout when you’re sad.
- how you use them against his, whether you’re making out with him, or just planting a gentle kiss to his temple.
- they’re so soft, and perfect. always so moist from your chapstick.
- and they’re just so pretty too. you’ll catch him staring all the time.
- he’s the type to want to kiss you goodbye, and then say “one more,” about a thousand times.
- he’ll find you all the way across the farm just to kiss you.
- HE’LL WALK A MILE JUST FOR A SINGULAR KISS.
- for this next one, i feel like i need to explain myself a little.
- he loves when you’re sick.
- HEAR ME OUT!
- no, he doesn’t love when you’re doubled over in discomfort, nose stuffy, head achy. he doesn’t like that aspect.
- but he does like the aspect that puts him in charge of you.
- as a man with a lot of allergies, he’s no stranger getting sick.
- which, as he’s gotten older, he’s more used to taking care of himself, and knowing what his body needs to heal.
- but that doesn’t stop you from caring of him, making sure he feels better.
- so on the rarer occasions when you get sick, he gets to pay you back.
- he gets to pamper you, do all of your work for you, cook (order food) for you.
- and when you’re bedridden, he gets to sit by your side, rubbing your sore muscles and keeping you company.
- it’s even better if you’re kinda stubborn, all, “i can take care of myself 😒” until you’re attempting to do your chores before sorta collapsing on the ground.
- and he won’t “i told you so” all in your face, but he does kinda give you a look that‘ll pretty much say it all.
- like, 🙂
- he just gets to grin and go back to taking care of you.
- finally, he loves how you comfort him.
- he’s not afraid to be emotional. if he has to cry, he’s gonna cry lmfao.
- he doesn’t cry too often, he’s usually really optimistic. but when it comes to seeing people he loves all sad, he can’t help it.
- like, if vincent were to come up to him and ask him about his dad, and if he’s ever coming home;
- that always makes him so sad. bc as much as he wants to, he can’t really give vincent a straight answer.
- he loves that he doesn’t even really have to say anything to you for you to realize he’s sad.
- his head hangs a little low, and just by one look you can tell all he needs is a hug.
- that means everything to him.
- when you just pull him into your chest, running your hand through his hair and up and down his back while he quietly sobs against you.
- if he didn’t think he could love you more…
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shane.
- ur his sunshine.
- whatever your personality is, you guys could be so similar, and you’re still his sunshine.
- whatever u do, no matter what, you’ll always light up his day. and he loves u very much for that.
- he might not be the most expressive verbally, but he’ll definitely show you with smaller gestures.
- a small kiss on your cheek, resting his chin on your shoulder while you stand at the stove.
- and he’ll latch onto you as you try to get out of bed in the morning, pretending to be asleep while you struggle to leave.
- his favorite thing about you is how you smell.
- listen. when you’re in love with someone, their  pheromones become addicting.
- like, yes you’ve been working on the farm all day. yes you’re all sweaty. yes you need to shower but does he care? absolutely not.
- “how was your day?” he’s already leaning into the crook of your neck, kissing your jaw and ignoring the way you whine.
- “shaaane, i’m so dirty.”
- oh but…he loves it.
- “never bothered me.” he just shrugs, smirking like a bastard before pulling you in for a kiss.
- that earthy scent of yours that just reminds him of what makes him so comfortable.
- don’t even get me started on after u take a shower.
- ur all clean, your hair is all wet. you look so pretty, and you smell amazing😭😭
- you just always smell so good to him. he’ll become intoxicated just by burying his face in your hair sometimes.
- he loves the way you look at him.
- it’s such a subtle thing for him to find one of his favorites about you,
- but he still loves it.
- when you’re just intently listening to him talk about his lousy day, your gaze is glued to his, head nodding along.
- you could be doing something else while he’s talking, but it still looks like he’s your main focus.
- and when he pauses, you’ll quickly mumble, “then what happened?”
- you’re so good at maintaining eye contact with him, it makes him lose his train of thought sometimes.
- he might just stutter, and then give up all together if you continue.
- also…
- they way u look up at him when ur…yea.
- big, wide eyes that gaze up so softly. your eyebrows pinched, mouth wide taking him entirely.
- he groans a little, and you don’t even have to do much if you just keep looking at him like that.
- “good fucking girl, yeah, that feels so good,”
- his jaw is slack, own eyebrows threaded while your hand wraps around the part of his length you can’t quite reach.
- he doesn’t last that long.
- pretty quickly he’s cumming on your face, making sure to get a little on your pretty, fluffy eyelashes.
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sebastian.
- your teeth.
- lol.
- when he first met you, he instantly clicked that you had a nice smile.
- the way you grinned at meeting someone like him kinda just stuck with him.
- like, what was so exciting? why are you that excited?
- needless to say, he kept thinking about it.
- once you started hanging out a bit more, and eventually started dating, he got to see you smile much more often.
- especially when you hung out with sam around, and he was able to make you laugh, it was like music to his ears.
- he made it a silent goal to always see you smile.
- it sounds weird, i know, but he just loves the way your teeth look when you smile that big.
- the way your cheeks plump up, and your eyes squint a little. he’s just obsessed.
- your smile makes him smile, y’know?
- he also loves how you talk.
- it’s so quick, and when you get all excited over something your words start to jumble and not make much sense.
- but you don’t even realize it, so you’re continuing to spew word-vomit until you finally calm yourself down (with a little smile.)
- and he can listen to it all day.
- his favorite thing in the world is when you come home with a new story to tell,
- bc then he gets to sit there, watching your limbs characteristically fly about as you explain.
- and you keep backtracking, like, “wait i forgot to say that—“ and “oops, that actually happened before that,”
- it just makes him smile.
- no, he doesn’t really understand what’s going on. but it’s still entertaining.
- lastly, he loves your cooking.
- you’re not some gourmet chef or anything, but you do know how to follow a recipe.
- he’s a pretty straightforward guy.
- he knows what he wants and what he likes. yet somehow, when you’re cooking something new, he can’t help but be excited.
- the real cherry on top is when you spent the day with robin once,
- and she ended up teaching you her recipe for pumpkin soup.
- he was nearly speechless when you handed him a freshly made bowl, one just like his mom would make.
- he definitely fell in love with you all over again.
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alex.
- he’s a simple man, i’m afraid.
- …he likes ur ass.
- smacking it, squeezing it, overall just looking at it whenever you walk past.
- whenever you pull him in for a kiss, his hands are falling down to your ass and giving you a gentle squeeze to raise you to your toes.
- he literally doesn’t care if it’s big, or small, or anything. as long as you have one, he’s absolutely fine.
- a simple man, i said.
- like, wear just underwear and a t-shirt around him and he’ll lose his mind. trust.
- he’s an absolute sucker for makeup.
- yes, of course he loves when you’re comfortable enough to walk around bare-faced with him. maybe even a goopy face mask over your skin.
- he thinks you look beautiful either way.
- but he swoons a little whenever he sees you all nice and dolled up, especially on nights that he planned to take you out.
- it’s like you put in extra effort to make yourself look extra nice, not necessarily for him, but he likes recognize the fact that his plans made you dress up like this.
- he’s just like, “aw, you look so pretty, baby.”
- also loves when u kiss him while wearing lipstick. he won’t wipe it off.
- his favorite though, his all time favorite…?
- how you treat evelyn and george.
- like they’re not just in-laws you have to get to know just bc ur married to their grandson.
- you treat them they’re your own family.
- you’re so sweet, and patient. especially with george.
- sometimes before you were married, he’d come home to the fresh smell of cookies in the oven (something that was pretty common) but then he’d see you listening to evelyn’s feedback so intently.
- and you’d cheerfully hand him a cookie, like, “look what granny taught me! does it taste good?”
- ofc it tastes good. the two most important women in his life made it just for him.
- it kinda tugs on his heart strings a little.
- i feel that was the moment he realized he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, if you were so willing to spend time with the people he loves.
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elliott.
- once again,
- there’s not much he loves more then anything else you do.
- he loves every part of you equally.
- but much like harvey, there’s still a couple things that he sees you do, and he’ll just think, “i love her so much.”
- and that is☝️
- your voice.
- he could listen to you talk forever.
- he’s literally leaning in, hand on chin, head tilted, listening so intently as you tell a story that’s ten times less interesting then he’s making it look.
- he’ll also keeps asking you question so you just continue to talk.
- he especially loves when you call him petnames. it makes his stomach flutter a little when he hears them in your voice.
- another thing is he loves your hips.
- how they fit so perfectly under his palms, just before he wraps his hands around your waist.
- if you have love handles or hip dips, OMMMGGG he’s fucking obsessed.
- it’s like a little spot for him place his hands.
- he loves to kiss them whenever he’s already down there. just like a little silent praise, on top of plenty other he’ll give you.
- it’s so random, but whenever he sees you holding a laundry basket or something against one hip,
- yeah. that’ll do it.
- you’re kinda like his muse.
- if he’s writing something, and there’s a female character that happens to be loved or romantic towards, he’ll always kinda characterize them off of you.
- like, they’ll have some sort of aspect that’s similar to yours.
- it’s always subconscious, he can’t help it.
- he’s always thinking about you.
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881 notes · View notes
hauntedwitch04 · 7 months
Note
can you please do a plus size reader insecure with dean winchester?
Perfect
Dean Winchester x plus size!Reader 
Words: about 2.1k words 
Warning: saddy sadness, and some allusion to sexy times since we are talking about Dean so they are obviously there.
Author’s note: Hi love! Thank you so much for your request. I felt really inspired by your idea and I hope you like how it came out!
p.s. I got very caught up in the topic, since it is something I feel very close to. Ever since I was a little girl, I was never a very skinny kid, and on more than one occasion I was teased by my classmates when I was in middle school, so I let myself go and put a little bit of me in the one-shot.
Always remember that it is normal to have good days and bad days, but the important thing is not to let the bad days have it. Keep fighting until the end, because losing a battle does not matter, what is important is to win the war. Everyone is perfect and beautiful in their own way, and your body does not define the person you are.
In case you need someone to talk to, I am always here, don't be afraid to seek help because often having someone close by to remind you that the volume of that evil voice we hear inside can be lowered or eliminated is important.
Requests are open I Ask
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You look at that slice of cake for the umpteenth time, and you can't help but hear that voice in your head again, evil, whispering all your lifelong insecurities.
Dean has been talking to a girl at the counter for a few minutes, and you can't help but notice how thin she is compared to you, how beautiful she is by the standards society imposes today, standards you have never respected.
You were never a very skinny girl, in fact from a very young age you had your curves, but that never appeared to be a problem until that obnoxious part of your life where children grow up and become teenagers, and that makes them bad there.
For the first time you realized at the age of eleven that your physique was different from the other girls near you, and for the first time you felt different, and that feeling you know deep down never went away.
You tried a thousand diets, and just as many exercises to lose weight, but it almost seemed as if your body didn't want to, so you learned to live with your body. In the beginning it was not easy, you had to face many battles, some you won and some you lost, but somehow your bitter enemy, the figure that is reflected in the mirror every morning, watching you live, judging all the actions you do, is always with you and you cannot get rid of it.
When you first met Dean you were sure that he would not give you a second glance, and that in the event nothing more than a simple friendship would arise as much as you were attracted to the attractive hunter, but against all expectations, only after a few months of knowing you he asked you out and confessed that he was madly in love with you, and that he could no longer live a second of his life. It had been such a strange moment: he was going on and on about all the romantic movies, books, and TV series he had seen himself during that time to find the perfect way to tell you everything he felt and that he finally did it in the bathroom of a movie theater after you had been attacked by a demon while watching a movie; on the contrary, you had remained silent the whole time, wondering how such a handsome, kind, funny, caring, and any other positive adjective in the human vocabulary, man could feel anything for you.
You had realized you were stuck, when waking up from that transe state you had seen him looking at you frightened, and you couldn't help but ask him, with tears in your eyes, "Why me, you could have anyone you want? Why should you only want me, you deserve better." You say sobbing, trying to hold back the tears, not wanting to show him the inner struggle you were fighting all the time with the same voice that is bringing you down today. He had taken your chin in one of his strong hands, made you lift your face and looked straight into your eyes. In those big green eyes you felt as if you could see a meadow in which you could run free of all thought, free to be whoever you wanted to be, and that is what Dean is to you after all, a safe haven in which to seek comfort.
"I want you, and you alone. And already that is a selfish thought, because love, if anyone does not deserve the other it is me, because you are perfect and I am everything but perfect, and I know you deserve so much better, and yet I am selfish and I cannot help but love you and want you to be mine and only mine." Said the man in front of you before kissing you. Immediately you melted like ice cream in the sun in his arms, and you returned the kiss with all the passion and eagerness you were willing to let him know that his feelings were reciprocated. His warm, fleshy lips on yours moved to the rhythm of a dance that only you seemed to know. After a few minutes we parted, needing to breathe again, but both of you had two silly smiles on your faces, of two people stupidly in love with each other, unable to hide it from the world for a second longer. "I have Jane Austen and her Mr. Darcy to thank next time I see her in heaven. Or was it in hell?" Whispered Dean chucklingly before resting his forehead on yours.
"Winchester, we would have a demon to exorcise in the other room." You reminded him, laughing at his earlier statement, before punching him lightly in the chest. "And don't ever make fun of Jane Austen again, I love her books and I won't let you do that." You continued, pretending to give him a dirty look.
"Why do you think I read them?" He replied, winking at you before leaving the room to go deal with the demon, whom you had almost forgotten about.
A voice suddenly brings you back to reality. You look up from the pie in front of you and see Sam's worried eyes trying to decipher your thoughts, which, like a hurricane, are flowing fast in your eyes, too fast to be understood.
"Hey, are you okay?" The smallest Winchester asks you, with a tugged smile, as if you had forgotten how to smile and he wanted to help you learn it again. You then try to smile back at him and nod, not having the heart to tell him that today the battle in the mirror between you and your reflection was won by the mirror, and that as of this morning you feel like crap emotionally, because you feel like crap about your own body.
"I'm just tired, and I'm not very hungry. I think I'll give it to Dean, after all, he's always happy to have a little extra cake." You say trying to be convincing. In fact, it's been about five days since you've really been able to put anything under your teeth, after seeing a girl flirting with Dean in a bar in the town of your last case. Dean had immediately declined the girl's attentions, saying that he was committed to you and loved you, but a self-defense mechanism had sort of been triggered in your brain, telling you that if you didn't want to lose the only person you'd ever really loved in the world, you had to lose weight, and so you started not eating, obviously in secret from Dean.
The lack of food in your stomach has also brought you immense fatigue, in fact you don't even realize that you have left the diner and are now in the car from how foggy your brain is. As soon as you sit in Baby's seat, sleep takes over your body, so much so that you don't even feel Dean pick you up and carry you inside to your motel room. You awaken hours later on the bed you and Dean have been sharing since you arrived in this town, but neither he nor Sam can be seen.
Slowly you get up and drag yourself into the bathroom. You turn on the light and immediately a figure is revealed to you in the mirror. You don't even look like yourself anymore, your skin is white and emaciated, so much so that it looks like that of a ghost; the black circles under your eyes are more pronounced than usual, and an immense sadness shines through your eyes, yet you can't help but be happy to see that your face looks slightly slimmer than it did a couple of days ago. Bitter tears run down your face knowing that being happy about that thing is not right, and that what you are doing is not good for your health, yet you cannot stop that little voice in your head from speaking.
Suddenly you hear the bathroom door open and see before you the frightened and confused face of your boyfriend, who looks at you shocked, seeing the tears on your face. Quickly he approaches you, asking if you are hurt and taking your face in his hands. You try hard to pull away from him, but you are not strong enough. You don't want him to feel your impefect body, he doesn't deserve it, yet he continues to hold you in his arms, while a hand gently strokes your back, trying to calm you down.
"Love, what's going on? Why are you crying? What can I do to help you?" Dean whispers to you, in turn with tears ready to run down his cheeks not knowing how he can take away the pain you are feeling so intensely.
"I'm sorry Dean, I'm really sorry. I've tried, but I can't." You sob, against his shoulder, stopping fighting him and letting yourself go into his embrace.
"What did you try to do love?" The elder Winchester asks with a veil of fear.
"I tried to be a better girlfriend, I tried to lose weight, but I can't. The voice is right, I don't deserve you, I never deserved you. I don't know how you can really love someone like me." You continue crying, falling to your knees, accompanied by his strong arms, as he follows you, also kneeling on the floor. Your figures seem to merge in this embrace, as you tell him of all your insecurities, of the evil voice that dwells within you and hinders your every hope for happiness, and how these days you have preferred to starve yourself in order to be a girl worthy of being seen at Dean Winchester's side. He listens to you in silence, as tears furrow his face and fall silently on your hair, since he has his chin resting on top of your head, while you hide your face in his chest seeking the comfort of his heartbeat and his scent as you open your soul to him on the motel floor of a godforsaken town.
When you're done, you can't help but breathe a sigh of relief, feeling your heart lighten, and uncertainly you look into Dean's eyes and see his sadness, and immediately feel guilty knowing that you are the cause of that feeling. In a moment as if he is reading your mind, however, he immediately stops you and reassures you.
"Love, first of all, the next time you hear this voice or these feelings inside you, don't hesitate and come to me right away, because I love you and I don't want to see you suffer like this and you know that I am always there for you, no matter what, even if you just have to ask me why the color blue is blue at three o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, I am always there for you, I am your love slave." Says the hunter, kissing the last tears streaming down my face. "And secondly, you don't have to change in any possible universe, because you in each of them are perfect as you are. There is not one thing about you that I don't love madly: your hair, your eyes, your intelligence, your laugh, your body-oh God don't get me started on how your body drives me crazy, because believe me I could start a new religion just to worship you as the goddess you are. Every day I have to hold myself back from kissing every inch of your body, from screaming to the world that you are mine, that the best woman in the world is in love with me, and I still don't understand how that is possible. There is not one thing you do that is not perfect in my eyes, and even now I still think that never on earth and in heaven has there been a more perfect being than you, so please don't ever again believe what your brain tells you and believe me." He continues, as he looks into your eyes. You have never felt so loved in your life. The only thing you want to do is thank him, but no words come out of your mouth, so you kiss him, showing him how you feel about him. Slowly Dean gets up, taking you in his arms, not breaking the kiss. Only when you reach the front of the bed and he drops you on it, your lips part and he says a few words.
"I would say it's time to prove that I wasn't joking when I said I would found a religion just to worship your body."
And boy was he not joking.
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yuna542 · 8 months
Text
💫Drabble Challenge💫
~Unbelievable~
By @marked-unknown
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Pairing: Han x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers
Warnings: Fluff, Comfort, Angst, Sexualising, Mentions of Sex, Swearing
Word Count: 5.8k
Note: I know it’s cheesy and cliché but I couldn’t help myself. Would love to be forced into a long bus drive with Han. ^^
Join my <Challenge>
„He reminds me of this annoying (but very charming) kid in a bus that tries to make you laugh when all you want to do is listen to your sad, depressing emo songs, pretend like you are in a sad music video and read your book (like Picture of Dorian Gray or some french poetry). You are stuck in that bus for couple of hours and there he is - making jokes, giving you snacks, making stupid faces, asking you to read the book out loud for him and so on, until he succeeds and you laugh and talk to him.“
"This seat is taken!" you snapped at the young man with the light hazelnut hair and unnaturally cute face who was about to push aside your bag on the seat next to you. Almost in a panic, you had your arm pressed down on the pile and were glaring at him in warning.
"Really? I don't see anyone here..." he replied dryly, sliding the headphones off his ears so they were around his neck.
You were getting angry again just looking at him. Han Jisung was the most annoying person on the planet, and after a day like this, exactly the last thing you needed.
"Just sit somewhere else!" you hissed at him and he just snorted and dropped onto the pair of seats in front of you where he put his backpack down, only to turn back to you and continue to annoy you, even though all you wanted was your peace and a quiet bus ride to feel sorry for yourself.
The day was already shitty enough, you didn't need his help to make things worse. In fact he did already enough.
"Are you mad about the suitcase? I didn't do it on purpose," he started a conversation with you again, while you pointedly pulled out your airpods and put one in your ear to finally block out his voice.
„It is your own fault. You should have just let me help but you're always so stubborn..."
You sighed in annoyance and put the other headphone in your ear as well. Then you picked a song on your phone. Han finally turned back to the front, apparently having finally realized that you weren't in the mood to talk to him. You looked out of the bus window and watched the other passengers who loaded their suitcases into the bus and also looked for seats. It was already noon, although the bus should start early at 10. Everything was running late and you could only hope to arrive at the hotel in time to try on your dress and prepare for the bachelor party. Otherwise you wouldn't get much sleep tonight. Your best friend was getting married tomorrow and you were the main bridesmaid in charge of planning the party. However, it all took place at a resort by the sea and the bus ride there took several hours. She didn't tell you until the last second that Jisung, her annoying big brother, would also be traveling with you. She knew exactly that you didn't get along very well. When he stood on the platform and waved to you, you would have liked to throw your suitcase right onto the road and yourself right after. Your nerves were already strained and a bus ride of several hours with Jisung sounded like hell. However, this was for your best friend and so you had swallowed your frustration and had been silently putting your suitcase away when he suddenly grabbed it. You ripped it back and had looked at him uncomprehendingly.
"For God's sake let go of the suitcase Jisung!"
"Let me help you," he said, and what should have been a friendly gesture, today made you go full crazy.
"I can do this by myself! Hands off!"
You tried to snatch the suitcase out of his hands again, but he was just as stubborn as you and always trying to tease you to the edge of bursting. Another reason why you probably had friction again and again. He continued to hold the suitcase, trying to pry it out of your hands.
"Just give it to me! Don't be like that!"
By now you were being eyed by the other passengers and the conversations around you died down as you fought like wild dogs over the suitcase, like the last bit of meat.
"Fucking let go you idiot!" you shouted, shoving the suitcase at him with a jerk so that it slammed against his chest. You're face was already glowing with embarrassment.
"I'm just trying to be nice, you ungrateful crumb!" he grumbled back, and as you both ripped at the suitcase at the same time, the clasp snapped and the zipper ripped open with a loud rattling sound. In a whirl of chaos and colorful fabric, the entire contents of your suitcase spilled out onto the dirty floor and you froze, stunned and on the verge of screaming out loud. Jisung's eyes were as big as plates, stammering something akin to an apology, while the other people around you began to murmur and whisper. You wanted to sink to the ground in shame, scream at Jisung or punch him in the face, but instead you just knelt down in a panic and tried to stuff your things back into the suitcase with your head buzzing. Because of the stress, you only noticed after a few seconds that Jisung was also kneeling next to you and collecting your things.
He didn't dare to say anything, until he held a red lace bra in his hands and actually pulled out the matching panties.
"Holy shit... What are you up to with these?" he asked with the more than erotic thong in his hand, which was basically all lace. He opened his mouth to say something stupid again, looking at you incredulously, but by then you were already ripping your underwear out of his hands and throwing them into the suitcase with the last pair of pants, and slammed it shut emphatically.
Without looking at him again, you had boarded the bus until he finally stood next to you again to get on your nerves.
As the bus began to move, you breathed a quiet sigh of relief and leaned your head against the window. While Lana Del Ray sang the sad melodies through your headphones and you watched the landscape go by, you tried to sink deeper and deeper into your melancholic mood. Because that's exactly what you needed right now. You had every right to gaze dreamily out the windows like in a movie and mourn over the crappy day.
"What are you listening to?"
Annoyed, you groaned as Jisung pushed his head between his two seats before you and eyed you curiously with his sparkling eyes. When you didn't answer, but stubbornly continued to look out the window so you wouldn't have to keep looking at that cute face, you felt his penetrating gaze continue on you.
"Aren't you going to talk to me? I asked you a question. Babe don't ignore me. You know that's useless..."
You tried to just tune him out, but this became more difficult with every second he stared through the seats with puffy cheeks and pouted lips, making you blush whyever. So you couldn't concentrate on the song, or your gloomy mood.
"Are you bored, Ji? Don't you have something better to do than annoy me?" you sighed, and the fact that you were finally talking to him he was clearly chalking up as a win.
"Actually, the battery in my headphones died... So I wanted to make a little conversation. And I'm bored."
You should have guessed.
Jisung has never been able to sit still except when he was asleep or listening to music. He always had to do something. Singing, dancing, or just talking nonsense. He had always been like that. Full of energy and charm. Never to be stopped and always with his head through the wall.
"Sounds like a personal problem. Then find someone else to annoy," you said, and he just grinned wryly.
"I only know you here though and you're always so cute when you're angry. Yes! Exactly like that, when you scrunch your nose like that!"
Quickly you averted your eyes, swallowed and tried to get rid of the rising heat from your cheeks. He was driving you increasingly insane. How you could endure five more hours with him was a mystery to you. Only an hour later, you were engrossed in your book. Jisung had fallen asleep. Thank God. Although the book was really good and you enjoyed the quiet moments, you kept catching yourself peeking between the seats and when you smiled at the sight of the dozing idiot, you quickly shook your head and averted your eyes again. He looked really cute when he was this quiet. His long eyelashes cast dark crescents on his cheeks and his plush lips were slightly pouted in sleep.
You tried to focus on the book again. It was a really sensual book. Full of romance, betrayal and a whole lot of eroticism. You were in your own world, the letters blurred into pictures before your eyes and you were completely absorbed in the story. Just as things were getting heated, you flinched violently as Jisung's voice suddenly tore through the film in your mind like a bolt of lightning and threw you back into reality. Suddenly you were back on the rattling bus full of strangers and your annoying companion.
"What are you reading?"
"A book. I know you probably don't know what that is," you replied a little meaner than you really wanted to. You didn't know yourself why you were projecting your anger and disappointment of the last days onto him, but he didn't really make it easy for you either.
Jisung tilted his head to read the title and the back of the book.
"You can read it to me..."
Suddenly he got wide-eyed and you already rolled your eyes, because you knew exactly what was coming now.
"Is this an erotic novel?" he exclaimed louder than necessary. The old couple in the seats next to you looked at you disturbed and the moment you embarrassedly looked around he used and snatched the book out of your hand. Much too late you jumped up and grabbed just the air. He stretched so that you couldn't reach him over the seats and read the page you had just been on.
"Give me that!" you hissed in panic, knowing exactly what he was reading. The scene was hot, violent, and in fact filthy porn.
"What the hell! This kind of things exist in books?", it escaped Jisung and he couldn't take his eyes off the page.
"Jisung! Please!" you pleaded, and by now you were bent over the back of the seat.
He looked at you, grinning at the desperation on your face. You were embarrassed and never wanted to look him in the eye again.
"Is that what you're into? With bondage and spanking?" he asked a little more softly, one eyebrow raised provocatively but he sounded genuinely interested.
"Shit, that's not funny..." you mumbled, and that's when he finally let you take the book out of his hands. As fast as you could you stowed it away in your bag. By now he was sitting turned around again in his seat right in front of you and had his arms crossed over the backrest.
"I remember when my sister and you were secretly watching 50 Shades of Grey and got caught. Your face was just as red then," he smirked, poking your cheek with his finger.
"Shut up!" you whispered, dejected by the shame. Quickly, you crossed your arms and looked out the window again. It was afternoon by now. In a few hours you would finally arrive and then you could avoid him. The rumbling in your stomach, while he continued to look at you with glittering eyes and without averting his gaze, became worse and worse. That's when he held out a bag of chips to you, but you declined, shaking your head.
"What's wrong?" he finally asked, causing you to look up. Seeing the genuine concern in his eyes, you frowned in confusion.
"Huh?" was the only thing you could get out. His face was so close to yours that you could see the golden speckles in the chocolate brown of his eyes. Even up close, he was unnervingly attractive.
"Why have you been in such a bad mood all day? You never turn down snacks. What happened?"
"I'm not," you replied quickly. Too quickly. You've always been lousy at lying and Jisung knew you too long to fall for it.
"Oh yeah, so you're always this mean?" he asked, resting his cheek on the back of his hand that was laying on the backrest.
His open curiosity without any condemnation, made you sigh. Why would you lie? You could tell him. Maybe he would laugh at you, but then at least you would have gotten it off your chest.
"I got stood up. I had a date yesterday and he didn't show up."
Han tapped his finger thoughtfully on the blue cushion.
"Maybe he had a good reason," he considered, and that he was trying to cheer you up made you smile.
"It was the third time..."
Directly he got big eyes and pulled his eyebrows together.
"Oh," he mumbled, not knowing what to say to that. Just like you. It was humiliating to wait a whole hour in that cafe just to get a curt message without a explanation. Again.
You looked down at your hands kneading them in your lap, lost in thought.
"I really thought this time it would work out... He was really nice and attentive at first. Turned out he just wanted to sleep with me. I'm so sick of men."
Jisung looked at you concerned and pressed his lips together.
"Yeah... Unfortunately, many men are really too stupid to realize what they're missing. Even if it's right in front of them."
When you looked at him, a bit confused, he averted his eyes and quickly looked out the window. There was a strange tension in the air that you found hard to describe. Like the smell that hung in the air after a thunderstorm.
It sounded like there was more to the words than Jisung wanted to admit, but you were probably just imagining it. Silently, you looked out the window as well, trying not to look in his direction too often, which was becoming increasingly difficult. You had never noticed how handsome he actually was. Friends of yours and his sister's had often said it, raved about Jisung and his charm, but you had always been immune to it. Probably because you grew up so close and he got on your nerves most of the time. But right now you felt this attraction that everyone always described.
You were pulled out of your thoughts when you stopped at the next stop and some people got off and others got on. An old lady stopped next to Jisung and pointed to the empty seat besides him and you. Her husband was right behind her.
"Excuse me, are the seats free?"
Jisung smiled his brightest smile directly and before you understood what he was about to do, he said:
"Of course. You can sit here together. I can just sit with my friend."
He gathered his things and came to you, but you just stared at him in bewilderment. Only when the lady and her husband took a seat and said:
"Thank you very much."
You reluctantly pulled your bag from the seat so he could sit down. Now he had made it after all and ignoring him was much harder when he was sitting right next to you.
"You're unbelievable..." you mumbled and he crossed his arms behind his head, leaning back and getting comfortable so his legs pressed against yours.
"I know. I'm amazing," he said with his eyes closed and a satisfied smile on his lips.
"That wasn't a compliment...", you replied, but he pretended not to hear it. Shaking your head, you had to force back a smile with all your might. Why did he make you laugh when you really wanted to be angry? So you put your headphones back in your ears and turned the volume up really loud. After a few minutes, he pressed his leg against yours, but you ignored it, trying to ignore the flattering in your chest, but he didn't stop and put a hand on your thigh to squeeze it. Since you were only wearing a skirt, you got goosebumps directly when you felt his warm hand closed directly around your bare skin. Questioningly you looked at him.
"Can I listen too?"
Directly you tried to look unimpressed, even though your heart was beating harder and harder against your ribs. From the moment he sat next to you, you smelled his scent, which had clouded your mind. He smelled like fresh soap, pungent aftershave, and even a bit of lavender. It wasn't fair that he was so perfect.
"No!" you said quickly. You didn't want him to make fun of your taste in music. Just as he was about to answer something, a message lit up on your display. You couldn't stop him from reading it, and your stomach hurt again when you saw the name of the asshole you thought had liked you.
„Sorry I couldn't make it. Want to come over tonight?“
Angrily you threw your head against the back of your seat and took a deep breath to keep from bursting into tears again.
"That asshole... I'm good enough to fuck," you said in agony, and Han looked at you silently for a few seconds before holding out his hand in demand.
"Give me that."
"Why?"
"Just trust me."
A little suspiciously, you frowned but then handed him your unlocked phone. What else did you have to lose?
That's when he opened the camera and set it to selfie mode. Then he held it up so you could both be seen. Directly he put an arm around you, pulled you to his chest until you were nestled against him. Completely perplexed you looked up at him and there he pressed the shutter. His touch made everything inside of you go muddled. You didn't even manage to form a sentence, especially when he didn't take his arm off you, but scrolled through the pictures he had taken with a smile. His fingers left a trail of heat on your ribs.
"What are you doing?" you asked meekly, completely confused by the fluttering feeling in your stomach. You looked cute in the pictures.... In fact, like a... Couple.
"That's not enough," he mused aloud, holding up his phone again to snap a selfie. Then he looked into your eyes so intensely it made your throat choke. He smelled so impossibly good that you almost buried your face in the crook of his neck.
"If we're going to get back at him, we are going to do it right, yea?"
His body was so warm and close and his lips just centimeters away from yours. Suddenly it was like there was no one but you on the bus. Perplexed, you looked up at him and his smile before he pulled your chin closer with his fingers, bridging the last distance, made your heart explode. It took you an eternity to realize his lips were on yours. He kissed you gently, carefully, but so lovingly that your entire body began to tingle. His lips were soft, tasting like chocolate. No better than chocolate. Before you could return the kiss, it was already over. Completely surprised, you could only stare. As if nothing had happened and it was the most normal thing in the world to kiss your sister's best friend, he scrolled through the pictures he had taken during the kiss and showed them to you.
"The picture is a bit blurry we should do it again..." he said with a teasing grin and finally you found your voice again. His eyes were glued to your lips and you gasped as he ran his thumb over your chin and you felt his breath bounce against your lips again, as he leaned forward again.
"Ji!" it escaped you and you pushed him back a little your hand against his chest to get some distance between you. You desperately needed your mind back and with him so close to you, that was impossible. So all you could think about was kissing him again. He made a funny face and dropped back into the seat, chuckling as he typed a message. Then he handed you the phone again and waited for your reaction when you saw the picture and read the message he sent in addition. The pic was hot... He seemed to be all over you, touching you greedy and heated. When you read the message und smiled softly.
„Sorry bro she's already busy. Should have treated her better...“
It was perfect. Thus the ass would realize that you didn't need him and didn't care about him at all. That you weren't a toy he could exploit for his pleasure whenever he wanted. Besides, Jisung also looked insanely hot in the picture holding you, his hair a mess and the tank top showing a bit of his trained figure.
"Thanks..." you said then, unable to suppress a grin of satisfaction. He smiled too and nudged you with his shoulder against yours.
"You're welcome. You shouldn't be hanging out with guys like that. They don't deserve you..." he said and took out his chips bag again, from which you took a whole handful and shoved it into your mouth. Suddenly everything didn't matter and your bad mood fizzled out. All thanks to Jisung.
"But with you or what?" you asked chewing and he watched you with raised eyebrows.
"Well, sure. I'm great! I can sing, play guitar, rap, and I'm gold at League of Legends. What more could you ask for?"
This time, you actually laughed. It was an honest, chuckling laugh, and Jisung beamed even more when he finally heard it again. Then you took the other earpiece of your headphones and silently held it out to him. His leg brushed yours and he pressed it firmly against yours as he took the earpiecee smiling and put it in his ear. You played some songs that he liked and so you ate snacks together, nodded to the music and he even put in a mini dance routine in between where you choked on a crumb from laughing so much, so he patted you on the back for minutes until the old couple even gave you a bottle of water. He told you about the bachelor party that was planned for the groom, his best friend, and you told him the plans for his sister's. Because your best friend was going to marry Jisung's best friend, he was the best man.
"Probably everyone expects us to sleep with each other..."
"What?" you asked a little too loudly.
Jisung just shrugged his shoulders.
"Isn't that a cliché? That groomsmen and bridesmaids sneak away to fuck at a wedding?"
"Even if that's the case... Then why would I... sleep with you?"
His smile was adorable and you were already staring at his lips again.
"Well... The other groomsmen are the groom's 50 year old uncle and his brother who is gay and married."
"Maybe I'm into older men," you said, putting on a serious face as you licked the remaining crumbs from your fingers and looking at him.
For a moment all color drained from his face, until you snorted and he understood that you had made a joke.
"Admit it already, you actually find me irresistible," he said and nudged you in the side with his elbow.
"In your dreams!" you said, and he pouted, playfully offended.
Amused, you looked at him and had to quickly avert your gaze, afraid he might read your traitorous thoughts in your eyes. He finally persuaded you to read along in your book, and he commented on every scene like a sports presenter, meanwhile trying again and again to figure out, confused, how everything described was even possible.
"In which position does all this happen? That's not possible!" he said, and you laughed so much that your stomach started to hurt.
It wasn't long before you fell asleep with your head on his shoulder and when he noticed that, he smiled warmly, took your headphones and cell phone from you to put them aside. Then he put his jacket around you so you wouldn't get cold and your dress wouldn't somehow ride up in your sleep. Unconsciously you snuggled up to him, as he leaned forward to put his jacket around your waist. Astonished, he froze for a moment, looking at you as you dozed off peacefully with your cheek against his chest, enjoying your touch and warmth. When he watched you like this, your body nestled close to his, he noticed how beautiful you were and how much he had enjoyed the last few hours. You're body just felt perfect against his und he had to force everything in him not to touch you. He had laughed more than in the last few months and right now he wanted to kiss you and hold you forever, but he didn't dare. Actually he had never dared to do that before today.
But he could look at you a little longer, enjoy your presence, until everything returned to normal. He didn't know how long he had been watching you and daydreaming, but when your eyelids fluttered and you seemed to slowly wake up, he panicked. He quickly closed his eyes, pretending he had been asleep the whole time.
Sighing, you rubbed your eyes and only when you yawned did you pause. With your heart pounding, you slowly glanced up to see how close you were nestled against Jisung. Fortunately, he was also asleep and didn't seem to notice. Carefully, your face burning with shame, you straightened up a bit. There you felt his arm around your body as it lay limp at your thigh. You tried to calm your breath. How had it come about that you had kissed Jisung and now you were sleeping cuddled together like a couple. As carefully as you could, you released your cheek from his chest, brushed a strand of hair from your face, and noticed the jacket on your legs. It was heavy, smelled pleasantly of him, and you had not put it there. Thoughtfully, you looked again at Jisung, who was sleeping peacefully. Then a thought occurred to you. It was brainless, naive and stupid, and yet everything in you wanted to cuddle up to him again.
After all, he had tucked you in and not woken you up to push you away from him. If you just lay back down, he would dismiss it as an accident, which it originally was. So you moved in slow motion so as not to wake him, as you nestled back into his arm, leaning your head against his chest and wrapping an arm around his stomach. He didn't wake up. Relieved, you relaxed and enjoyed his warmth. It was strange and completely surreal. Then why did you like it so much?
You listened to his heartbeat and breathing, and after a while you realized, confused, that it was faster than usual for a sleeping person. You looked up at him questioningly and when the corners of his mouth lifted, your heart stopped. With his hand wrapped around your body, he suddenly pulled you closer, ran his thumb over your hipbone, and smiled mischievously without opening his eyes. You almost choked on yourself. You felt caught, but he had also only pretended to be asleep. You decided you would have plenty of time to deal with it after, so you snuggled closer to him, closed your eyes, and couldn't help but grin.
When the bus finally reached its destination it was already afternoon, you startled up from your stupor and felt warm and cozy. You rubbed your eyes and broke away from Jisung with a furtive glance at him, who was yawning. The hotels lined the street and to the right and left was a green park with large trees leading towards the entrances of the hotels.
"We're here...", you mumbled and were almost even a little disappointed that the ride was actually over now and with it what had happened between you and Jisung. Whatever that was. You packed up your things and got off the bus. As you did so, you didn't dare look in his direction. The strange feeling in your stomach wouldn't go away and you just didn't understand what was going on with you.
When your suitcases were cleared out, Jisung got his backpack first.
"Do you want me to take your suitcase?" he asked as you heaved it onto the sidewalk.
"Don't you touch it!" you panicked, both of you laughing at the same time as your eyes met. Then you made your way through the park.
"Why did you only bring a backpack?" you finally asked to break the strange silence. The air was heated, smelled like flowers and warm asphalt. Your hotel and that of the bride and other bridesmaids were already looming in front of you at the end of the park. Jisung's was across the street so the bride and groom couldn't meet before the wedding.
"I don't need that much. Clothes I have on, food is there and I have my laptop with me," he said, smiling broadly at you.
"That's insane," you smirked and the closer you got to the hotel, the more restless you became.
"No practically," he replied and as you came to a stop in front of the hotel entrance, you looked at each other silently. Neither of you knew what to say. It was strange but not awkward. Everyone would go to their hotel and then everything was forgotten. Everything you felt, all the chaos and heart palpitations. He ran his fingers through his hair and stepped from one leg to the other.
"Well then see you at the wedding!"
You nodded quickly and your fingers tightened around the handle of your suitcase.
"See you then..." you mumbled. It felt wrong, unfinished and incomplete just to leave. Like you were missing something you'd never realized before. Like you ended the movie right beforehand the big finale. Still, you turned around after looking at his twinkling eyes one last time and he too started walking in the opposite direction. The tension in your chest made you barely breathe. You put one foot in front of the other, smoothed out your dress and tried to convince yourself that you had imagined everything. But that's when you heard behind you:
"Y/N?"
Questioning, you turned around and saw him drop his backpack on the floor and run towards you. You were about to ask if he had forgotten something when he reached you, cupped your face with both hands and almost swept you off your feet as he pressed his lips firmly to yours. Surprised, you staggered, but he held you tight and this time something exploded in your head, but you were too shocked to return the kiss. Instead, you had a thousand question marks in your head. Was this the right thing to do? And if not, why did it feel so incredibly good? Before you could find an answer to the thousand questions, he broke away from you and looked questioningly into your eyes. You could see how nervous he was and he waited excitedly for your reaction.
"I would have regretted it if I hadn't done that. I'm sorry," he murmured, looking at your face in his hands as if trying to memorize every detail one last time. You still tasted him on your lips and gradually you began to understand. Just as he was about to pull away, you grabbed his chest with both hands and clawed your fingers into his shirt. Roughly, you pulled him to you before you could change your mind and listened to your heart for the first time. You kissed him so passionately that both of your breaths stopped, but he didn't hesitate for a second to pull you to him, his hands firmly on your hips. The kiss was full of passion and the built up tension discharged into electrified energy between you. Your hands found their way into his hair, pulling lightly until he hummed softly and your lips met again and again until you felt dizzy. As he pulled you closer to his body, until barely a piece of paper could fit between you and you almost lost your footing, the kiss became more sensual, slower. He let his tongue slide over your lower lip until you opened your mouth a little more and your tongues met. It was a heady feeling and you couldn't believe how long you had been blind for your own feelings. That what you wanted all along, someone attentive, loving and kind, was all the time right in front of you.
When you finally broke away from each other breathing heavily, tightly embraced under the canopy of a large oak tree, your eyes just bubbled over with energy. You both began to grin and giggle. You couldn't believe what was happening to you.
"What are we going to do now?" you asked, smiling and pressing your forehead to his. His hands stroked your back, leaving a comforting tingle and your body melted into his as you clasped your hands in his neck.
"I have no idea... Just want to do this forever."
Again you laughed in disbelief and you shook your head barely noticeably.
"You really are unbelievable, Han Jisung," you murmured, and he tilted his head slightly and winked at you.
"Told you."
Directly you rolled your eyes, but couldn't resist pressing another kiss to his lips. For a moment he broke away from your lips to say:
"Let me take your suitcase to your room... I'll be careful this time, I promise."
You snorted softly and stroked your hands over his chest. You felt more comfortable than you had in ages. He looked at you as if you had hung the sun and moon in the sky yourself, and he made you feel like you were beaming with pure joy from the inside out. Wordlessly, you pressed your suitcase into his hand and whispered, your lips just a finger's width from his:
"Just for once."
Spellbound, he waited to feel your lips again, to taste you and never let go, but you took a few steps back and smiled cheekily over your shoulder as you ran up the stairs to the entrance. Somewhat clumsily, he collected his backpack and followed you into the lobby with your suitcase and the widest grin you had ever seen.
193 notes · View notes
mirclealignr · 2 years
Text
prompt list iv
fluff ->
“i want to spend the day with you doing nothing.”
“i saw something today that reminded me of you.”
“you bought me flowers?”
“i never thought i’d feel this kind of happiness.”
“i still dream about you even though you’re mine.”
“where’s my goodnight kiss?”
“can you read to me?”
“i feel safe with you.”
“you can stay as long as you want.”
“my love for you only grows with each passing second.”
“a man could hold the weight of worlds, but he could never carry the love i have for you.”
“you know, even if you left me, i’d still be yours.”
“i have so much love for you i almost don’t know what to do with it.”
“i’m falling in love with you.”
“we’ll never get to sleep if you keep fidgeting like that.”
“kiss me harder.”
“no, don’t stop. i like the sound of your voice.”
“you’re so cool.”
“you’re with me always.”
“i’d never turn down a kiss from you.”
angst ->
“you didn’t just break my heart, you broke my trust.”
“i’ve waited a thousand hours to tell you exactly how i feel, but you don’t deserve an explanation.”
“i don’t have the energy to fight you anymore.”
“take what you want from me and just leave already.”
“i’m not ready to live without you.”
“i let you in, you and your poison, and now i’m no good.”
“you feel further away from me now than when you were a stranger.”
“i don’t forgive you.”
“let me go.”
“it doesn’t matter how good the dream is, we always wake up.”
“you can’t be bitter now, this was your decision.”
“i lost myself the day i lost you.”
“i wish i could love you, i know you’d be good for me, but i can’t.”
“please don’t make me go, i want to stay.”
“the sad thing is, i’d do it all over again even for the same outcome.”
“you said you’d follow me anywhere” — “you know i can’t follow you there.”
“you’re the only mistake i don’t regret, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a mistake.”
“you didn’t deserve me.”
“i loved you, you used me.”
“i’m allowed to move on.”
hurt / comfort ->
“you can’t scare me like that, okay?”
“you should be more careful.”
“let me help you.”
“you don’t have to be afraid anymore.”
“you’re safe in my arms.”
“does that hurt?”
“you can cry, there’s no shame in it.”
“stop trying to help me, it’s hurting you.”
“it wasn’t your fault.”
“don’t listen to that voice inside your head, listen to mine.”
“what can i do for you?”
“i would never leave you, i’m not going anywhere.”
“i’ve got you.”
“it was just a nightmare, it’s okay.”
“could you please come and get me?”
“are you okay? don’t lie.”
“i’m here for you, whenever you need me.”
“you’re not alone.”
“it really hurts.”
“i’m sorry i can’t take the pain away.”
1K notes · View notes
silentglassbreak · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
Fragmented
Noah Sebastian x OFC
Just having a lovely good time with this. We are getting there, I swear it. 😘 (I promise there’s method to my madness.) Also HEAVILY recommend listening to the chapter song title - especially toward the end of this chapter. Levitate by Sleep Token.
Warnings: No smut today. But I fucking cried writing this chapter, and I hope you do too (I'm so sadistic). Sadness. Graphic descriptions of vomiting and overall being sick. Fluffy, heartache chapter. OH and graphic depictions of violence and blood (in a dream setting, don't stress).
+It goes without saying. This is a work of fiction. My words are mine. Plagiarism is a crime.
Taglist: @flowery-mess @lma1986 @myownthoughts12 @poisongirl616 @missduffsblog @reidsblessing @malerieee @jilliemiw86 @thisbicc @knivesforapro @diabolicdiatonics
Part 7 - Levitate
At what point do you start drawing lines in the sand? I asked myself that question over and over the past several weeks since the party. Who was fucking with who anymore? I'm certain neither of us really knew the answer.
Mileena was still seeing Justin, our mishap in the bathroom on the 4th being unspoken of again. It never happened. I kept trying to remind myself of that, each time I saw her, the only times our paths crossing being during pick-ups and drop-offs of Addison.
I had fully expected her to become scarce, but to my surprise, she was letting business go on as usual. Even being around more often. Part of me wanted to hope that meant she was slowly inching her way back to me, some undying need inside of her not being capable of keeping a distance. That thought was shut down, however, when Nick mentioned that he was asked to go on a double date with her, Laura, and the Ken doll (my favorite nickname for him).
That came about two weeks after the party, and I just shrugged it off, assuming that meant Mileena had truly forgotten about the bathroom, or was forcing herself to.
Still, she showed up, sometimes spending half an hour or more at the house when dropping off Addie, making small talk with me, once in a while even flirting. It was casual, comfortable, and for some reason, it didn't bother me to know that she was likely fucking that other guy. Something in my gut just told me to be patient. Good things come to those who wait.
So that is exactly what I did. I gave her room to exist, letting myself exist somewhere near her being good enough for me most days. In all honesty, the lack of pushing made some space for a very good friendship that we never gave the chance to grow before. Sure, the attraction was clear, but she started telling me things; things that I didn't get to hear before.
'Nick and Laura are gag-worthy. It's honestly kind of annoying.'
'I'm going to go back to work soon. I got a job offer, but the last two years off have been so heavenly.'
'I miss Washington. We need to take Addie up there to visit Dad.'
She kept throwing that word around. We. I never wanted to bring it up. Never wanted to spook her. Rather, I stood there and listened to her most times, smiling softly at her, loving the way the light filled her eyes when she was excited, or she came in close for a hug whenever she was sad. I took every second. I accepted it graciously, happy to exist.
Today, however, was not a good day. Today, I felt like a bin of hot, rancid, putrid garbage. We were stood in the green room of a venue in Buena Park, getting ready for a pop-up show, when I felt an overwhelming sense of nausea hit me. All day, I had felt off, but had brushed it off as the heat, stress from the show, and exhaustion hitting me all at once. I had slept most of the day, working to get myself out of the funk, trying like hell to prepare for the show, but I couldn't shake it.
Now, feeling my insides threatening to make their way out, my eyes darted around the room frantically, eyes falling on a nearby trash can. I bolted for it, collapsing onto my knees before emptying everything in my stomach into the bin, heaving painfully.
After successfully spitting out the last of the vomit, I sat back on my heels, trying to breathe deeply. My episode had caught Jolly's eye, and he ran over, face cringing at the sight.
"Dude, what the fuck?" I pointed at a stack of napkins on the table behind him, and he handed me a few. I wiped my mouth.
"I don't know, man. I was good, and then I just had to hurl." I was trying to determine if I was done puking, my stomach still rolling around.
"Eat something bad?" Nick had joined us now, hands in his pockets.
"Fuck, man, no idea. I guess." I shrugged, tossing the napkins in the can.
"Do we need to cancel? If so, we need to let Matt know now." Jolly's voice was concerned.
I shook my head. "Nah, I'm good. I just need a minute."
"You sure?" Nick raised a brow at me, and I stood up.
"Yeah. You guys got any gum?"
Four songs. I made it that far. I worked so hard, swallowing all of the saliva building in my mouth, keeping my face even. But as soon as we hit Glass Houses, and I had to start screaming, I had to run off stage, emptying my stomach once again into a trash can off of the side. I had thrown my mic hastily on the stage, making it clear that my abrupt exit wasn't planned.
Jolly, still vigorously playing the music, repeating the same riff, stepped off to the side and gave me a glance. I was kneeling, gagging dryly into the can. I saw him motion for everyone to stop. The music and lights cut sharp, and I leaned my head on the cool rim of the metal can, breathing heavily.
Folio stood over me. "Noah?" I looked up at him.
"I can't. I'm so fucking sorry."
He was shaking his head. "No, bro. You're fucking sick."
My body was covered in a slick, disgusting sweat, but I was still shivering profusely. "I'm freezing, dude."
Folio looked up. "Uh, hang on." He jogged off to the side of the stage, returning with my coat that I had discarded after the first track. "Here."
I stood up and pulled it on, not feeling much relief, my skin screaming as the fabric brushed over it. I took a moment to calm my body before walking back out to the stage, the crowd cheering as I did.
I picked up my discarded microphone and waved. "Well," I put a hand on my hip and huffed a laugh out. "I'm so sorry about that, guys."
The crowd cheered for me, but I was still fighting the feeling of another impending puking spell.
"So, I think I'm sick." I chuckled, and I saw the guys shaking their heads, smiling. Nick was already taking his bass off, and Jolly was walking over next to me. "I'm so sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to finish the show tonight, folks."
It was met with cries of sadness, and I frowned. "We're so sorry." Jolly's voice came through his own mic. "But we will schedule a make-up show. We've just got to keep this guy away from the gas station sushi."
Nick and Folio laughed with the crowd, but I just gagged, pressing it back down. Jolly slapped me hard on the back, which made me flinch.
"We're going to get this guy into bed, guys. But, before we go, we thank you all for being here!" Jolly hollered, and the crowd cheered.
"And can we give it up for Noah, guys?!" Nick hollered out, causing the venue to erupt. I just gave an embarrassed nod and began stalking off stage, feeling another wave oncoming.
-
Nick drove me home last night, walking me inside to make sure I got into bed properly. I only managed to get my pants, shoes, and shirt off before I folded into bed.
"Alright, bro, I've set a bowl on the nightstand, in case you don't make it, and I've got a water bottle next to you." But I was already half asleep when he left.
I was awoken to the doorbell going off, and I groaned, my back muscles screaming at me, and my stomach rolling inside me when I swung my legs off the bed. My head pounded hard at the sensation of sitting up. I felt truly horrific.
I stepped downstairs slowly, my body aching with each drop of my feet. I rubbed at my eyes against the sunlight, opening the front door.
Mileena stood in front of me, grocery bags in hand, and staring brightly at me, her faced etched with worry.
My eyes widened when I realized. "Oh, fuck! It's Sunday!"
She shook her head. "Oh no, I didn't bring Addie. I didn't want to risk giving her the plague."
I rolled my eyes as she walked past me into the house, closing the door behind her. "Then why are you here? Don't you not want to get it?"
She waved me off, heading for the kitchen. "I'll be fine."
She was back after a second, and I hadn't moved from where I stood by the door, focusing on staying upright as the room started to spin. Her eyes examined my face, a look of sympathy on hers.
"Oh Noah," She rubbed a hand on my shoulder. "you look like shit."
I smirked, my eyes nearly closed. "Thank you for noticing, I feel like it too."
I yawned, stopping it short when I felt as though I may gag again.
"How'd you know I was sick?"
"Nick called Laura last night. Told us about the show. I almost came over then, but Nick said you knocked out pretty quick."
I opened my eyes, then, giving her an inquisitive look. "So, you're here because...?"
She huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "To make sure you don't die?"
Leena was trying so hard to be convincing, but I still smiled playfully at her. "Oh sure. You're just here cause you couldn't stand the thought of not seeing me."
She rolled her eyes at me, smacking a hand gently on my chest, which made me whine, rubbing the spot. My skin was so sensitive.
I saw her face flinch, realizing I was tender. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry." Her fingers rubbed the spot she hit, but I wiggled away, the contact uncomfortable.
She then pressed her palm to my chest, scrunching her brows. "Jesus, Noah." Mileena grabbed my face and pulled me down, pressing her lips to my forehead - something she always did when checking for a temperature. "Fuck Noah! You're burning up!"
Scurrying into the kitchen, then back to me in a flash, she had the thermometer in her hand, brushing it across my forehead. Everything was happening in slow motion for me, the room still threatening to turn on it's side at any given moment.
"Fuck! 104.9 degrees!" I just nodded dryly, not fazed. "Noah, you may need to go to a doctor."
I groaned, walking over to the couch and sitting slowly. "I just want to sleep."
She followed me, pulling my legs up to stretch on the couch. Her hands grabbed the blanket I kept on the back of it, stretching it out over me. "Fine, but I'm staying with you a while. I don't like that fever."
I scoffed. "I'm not too fond of it, myself."
She grabbed the remote and turned the television on. "What do you want to watch?"
I moaned, absolutely suffering. "Don't care. Whatever you want."
She took up space on the other end of the sectional, tucking her feet underneath her and scanning to Hulu.
"Just nothing about food." I felt my face begin to turn green, and she noticed. She ran to the bathroom, grabbing the trash and placing it near my head on the floor. "Thanks, babe."
I watched her still, glancing at me, wanting to correct me. It was a reflex that I hadn't meant to say, but in my current state, I couldn't find the willpower to care.
She must've known, because she just turned up her lips, and softened her eyes. "Of course."
I let my eyes fall closed, my head calming while I heard the opening to Grey's Anatomy play.
I woke up to a lurch in my stomach, my eyes flying open, and my hand instinctively grabbing the trash, retching hard into it. Not much had come out, mostly bile, as I hadn't held down anything for about thirty-six hours. I opened my eyes, bleary with involuntary tears, and saw the end of the couch empty, but the TV still playing.
"Oh, Noah!" Her feet tapped the floor softly as she ran into the living room.
She circled the coffee table, and sat next to me on the couch, her hand rubbing small circles on my back. Setting the can down, I leaned back on the couch, fighting to get air in my lungs.
"What the fuck?" I grit through my teeth. Her hand was now on top of mine, her thumb massaging into the tattoos on my skin.
"I know. Must be a bad bug."
I leaned down, grabbing the edges of the bag in the can, preparing to get rid of it. Her hands came in, shooing mine away.
"I'll get this. Go brush your teeth."
I stood, running a hand through my sweat-soaked hair, and realized I was still in just my boxers. It hadn't even occurred to me, too sick to realize how gross I must look.
"Sorry you have to see me like this."
She snorted, tying the bag up. "Noah, you watched me give birth. I think we're okay."
I smiled at her tiredly. "You don't have to stay. What about Addie?"
She walked to the front door, slipping on my slides so she could walk outside to the can. "Uncle Jolly and Uncle Folio took her out for the day. Laura told me to stay as long as you need."
I was sick, exhausted, and half-dead, but I couldn't help what came tumbling out of me.
"And what if I never let you leave?"
Her hand hovered over the door knob, her neck twisting so she could look at me, a sad expression on her face. "Go brush your teeth. Your breath is rank."
I smiled. It wasn't a 'no' or a 'shut up', so it was progress.
"I think I'm going to shower, actually."
She just nodded before disappearing outside to dispose of the garbage.
I climbed the stairs carefully, lightheaded. I walked straight into the bathroom, turning the water to scalding, and stripped off my underwear. I glanced in the mirror, cringing at the sight. My eyes held dark, grey circles around them, my hair was visibly greasy, and my lips were pale and chapped.
Real sexy, Sebastian.
While I waited for the water to get hot enough to melt my skin, I brushed my teeth, working hard not to gag again. Once I spit the last of the toothpaste out, I stepped into the hot water and took a moment to adjust. I had a feeling my fever had broken, as my skin didn't hurt quite so badly.
I took time to scrub my body, letting my body calm as I felt the previous day rinse off of me. I quickly washed my hair, not even bothering with conditioning or anything extra. Then, I just stood there, letting the warm water wash over my back, my forehead leaning against the cool tile, zoning out while I breathed deeply.
"Hey." I heard her voice, which I didn't react to. "You alive in there?"
I flipped the handle, turning the water off. My hand grabbed the towel on the hook, pulling it in and wrapping it around my waist before opening the curtain. She stood in the doorway, and I heard her inhale a sharp gasp when her eyes caught me standing, my hair dripping down my face. I flipped it back and eyed her.
"I feel like death."
Her eyes were blown wide, and her lips parted slightly, not responding. Normally, I'd be taking full advantage of the moment. However, I was sure my stomach couldn't handle any sudden movents.
"I, uh," She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "I brought some Zofran. We need to get you to hold something down."
I stepped out of the shower, sighing. "If you think it'll help."
She held a hand out, a small white pill in the palm. I walked over, picking up the tablet and holding it on front of me.
"How do I know you're not drugging me?"
She pursed her lips, smirking. "You don't."
I shrugged nonchalantly, and dry swallowed it.
Standing inches from her, smiling mischievously. "How's my breath?"
Leena grinned earnestly, then. "Better." She lifted a hand to the back of my neck, pulling my forehead down to her lips again. She hummed in approval. "That's better too. Now c'mon," She tugged at my wrist, pulling me out of the bathroom. "let's get you dressed and into bed."
I took note of the sweats, underwear, and t-shirt laid out on the bed. I also noticed the blanket being fresh.
"I changed the sheets for you. They were still damp from you sweating all night. I set up the trash can next to the bed, water on the nightstand. You need to drink it." She was using her Mom voice now, which had me staring at her, amused. "When you're ready to try eating, I've got Saltines, cheese, and a few different soups."
Eyes boring into her, I couldn't help but grin. "I appreciate you, Mileena."
The look on her face told me she was not troubled by any of her efforts. "You know I don't mind." She scanned the room, and began turning around. "I'll let you get dressed."
"Are you leaving?"
She stared at me, her eyes sparkling. "Do you want me to?"
A tinge of red crept up my neck, suddenly shy. "I mean, no?" Breathing out a chuckle, I picked up the underwear, letting the towel drop. Her eyes only flashed down to me for a split second, her throat swallowing hard. "But I get if you need to get back to Addison."
She squeezed her eyes shut. "No," She had her lips held tight together. "I checked in with Laura. Addie's fine. She said I can stay however long."
I nodded. "I've got pants on now." My words were lighthearted, finding humor in the fact that she was trying to preserve my modesty, as if she hadn't seen it all before.
"I figured I'd start disinfecting the living room while you napped."
I sat down hard on the bed, slipping the shirt over my head and wincing, the sensitivity coming back.
"Or, you could watch TV with me."
She stared at me, as if I was insane. "Is that such a good idea?"
I leaned back, pulling myself under the comforter and sinking down into the mattress.
"I mean, if you don't want to catch this crap, I don't blame you."
Sitting next to me on the edge of the bed, she laid a hand on my stomach softly. "I told you I'm not worried about that."
I laughed. "Well, you don't have to worry about me trying to come onto you. I get nauseas just breathing. I couldn't imagine what having sex would do."
She let out a hard cackle, smiling with all of her teeth. It was a nice sight to see, even on the brink of death.
"Well," I could tell she was weighing her options. "I guess it's fine. Mind if I borrow some pants? Jeans aren't exactly comfortable."
I just gestured to the dresser. She knew where to find everything. She slipped a pair of joggers out of the drawer, stepping into the closet to change. After, she came over to the bed, her side, and sat on top of the blankets, pushing her pillow up against the headboard, and flipped the TV on.
"Still no requests?" I just shook my head. She started Supernatural, picking up where her and I had left off on the last season, sitting back and watching the screen intently.
After a few minutes, I rolled onto my side, facing her, in a desperate attempt to ease the hard ache in my diaphragm. My body felt sore from dry heaving and the virus that crept through my veins. Eventually, I grew frustrated with the uneasiness each position had me in, growling.
"Come on." She motioned for me to scoot closer, pulling her legs under the covers and half-laying on the pillow. I moved myself to lay my head on her stomach, arm draped over her middle. Her fingers began running through my hair, nails scraping gently over my scalp the way she knew would have me snoozing quickly.
I buried my nose into her shirt, breathing easily. "Hey Leena?"
"Hmm?" She was into the show, but I still couldn't help myself.
"How would Justin feel about us just cuddling?" I smiled, reminiscing of the first time we cuddled on her couch, two years ago.
She snorted, clearly remembering exactly what I was referring to.
"He'll live. You may not. Priorities."
"So I take priority, huh?" My voice was slightly muffled against her, but I was warm all over thinking about it.
"You're the father of my child, Noah. And my best friend. Of course you do."
My hand squeezed her side in a sad attempt for a hug. She gripped my hair a touch tighter at the root, earning her an appreciative moan from me. So fucking relaxing.
"You should get some sleep."
"Are you and him still...a thing?"
I felt her chest heave. "Is that really a good conversation for right now?"
I raised an eyebrow she couldn't see. "We're best friends, right? Just pretend I'm Laura or something."
She laughed at that. "No can do, babe. Laura's prettier than you."
I waved a finger in the air in front of us. "Nuh-uh."
Her body shook with laughter.
"Ah Noah, insufferable as always."
I could only hum at her, my arm falling back to her side.
"You can tell me, Leena. I won't get mad."
Her voice was careful. "Kind of."
"What does that mean?"
"It means exactly that, Noah. Kind of." She sighed. "I like him, but..." She trailed off.
"But what? He’s not as dreamy as you had originally expected?" I smirked at my words, which came out in my voice.
But her words were somber.
"He's not you."
My face fell, processing what she had said.
"Oh."
"Yeah." Her fingers pet my hair softly now, smoothing it down. "Get some sleep, babe. I'll be here."
Even with the firecrackers exploding inside of my chest, the overwhelming exhaustion was taking over, blurring my vision. Sleep overtook me quickly, my eyes closing while her hands soothed me into oblivion.
-
"I don't love you, Noah. I don't think I ever did."
"She's never going to be with you again."
I pulled at the metal shackles around my wrists and ankles, screaming at the top of my lungs behind the leather bound around my mouth. My skin burned from all over, unable to breathe in enough air to fight any harder.
"This is how you die, Noah. Alone. No happiness. No dignity. No family. You're pathetic." Leena was stood inches from my face, Justin just behind her, staring wickedly.
"She's mine now, bitch."
The veins in my neck strained as I tried to bite down on the bind in my mouth, my flesh bleeding as I pulled against the steel holding them to the table I laid on.
Justin picked up an instrument off of the tray, a long, razor-like blade that looked medieval.
"You deserve this, Noah. For being such a fucking failure." The laugh that pressed out of her was maniacal, bouncing off the hard walls of the dark room. "Addison will never have to see how fucking sad and horrid her father was."
Justin stepped over to me, using one hand to rip the tank top I wore. I pulled harder as he lowered the blade over my stomach.
He smiled at me. "I hope you didn't pay much for these tats, dude, cause they're about to come off."
My eyes bulged, my chest heaving as I shook my head hysterically.
The blade sunk deep into my skin, a sharp, piercing burning flashing over me as I watched the blood pouring out of me.
My screams were wet and desperate, tears flowing down the sides of my face into my hair. I stared at Mileena, begging her to stop this, but she just smiled at me, her yes dark.
"Oh Noah! You're doing great!" Her words were all venom, and I couldn't breathe now, a weight pressing on my chest. I looked up to see Justin pressing his palm down as he dug the blade in deeper, piercing my organs.
Blood pooled in my throat, and I tried spitting it, only for it to fall back down into my mouth, making me choke.
"Noah!" Mileena clapped, smiling wildly. "C'mon Noah!"
"Noah! Noah, wake up!" I felt my body shaking. "Babe! Wake up, honey!"
I startled, my eyes snapping open, and sat up abruptly. My eyes scanned for the trash can, grabbing it and lifting it into my lap, violently throwing up into the bag. I could feel the tears coming out of eyes, and I lifted my head, my body still shaking with sobs.
"Baby," Her hand was on the back of my neck, her voice calm in my ear. "it's okay. Let it out."
Heaving again, I ejected any stomach contents I had before taking a few deep, hard breaths.
"Done?" After a few seconds, I nodded. "Okay, let me take this."
She grabbed the can and stood off the bed, walking back into the bathroom. Returning with toilet paper in her hand, she tore some and handed it to me to wipe my face.
She crawled into my lap, pulling my face into her chest, as I cried hard.
Usually, I try to be masculine about it, crying quietly, privately. However, I was still so shaken by the nightmare, that I let myself wrap my arms around her, wetting her shirt with my hot tears.
She shushed me, rubbing calming circles on my back until I was able to breathe evenly again.
"Bad dream, huh?" I only nodded in response, unable to speak. "Yeah, fever dreams are the worst."
After several long moments, I shifted so she could scoot off of me, standing and heading into the bathroom, running my toothbrush over my tongue and teeth again, washing the taste of stomach acid out of my mouth.
I came back to the bed, pulling her back into me.
"I'm sorry."
We were laid together, tangled on top of the blankets, and she giggled.
"Don't apologize for having a bad dream. You can't control that."
"It was so bad."
She reached a hand up under my shirt, splaying her fingers out on my chest. "Sounded like it. You started screaming."
"Ugh, I'm sorry."
Rather than lecturing me again for apologizing, she just hummed.
"I've got you, babe."
I noticed Supernatural was still on. "How long was I out?"
"About two hours. I think I dozed off a little, too." She traced my skin with a fingertip. "You think you want to try munching some crackers? You're dry heaving so bad because you don't have anything to throw up."
I sighed hard. "I guess."
Another hour, and I was sitting up on the bed, breaking the crackers into four and taking at least fifteen minutes to eat each one. My stomach didn't like it, but needed it. I had earned a love/hate relationship with a sleeve of Saltines, and that's just fitting for my whole fucking life, isn't it?
Mileena was eating a sandwich she had ordered from her favorite spot, pulling pickle slices off of it and popping them in her mouth. We both watched the screen intently, making odd and end comments about the movie we watched.
"This isn't nearly as good as the first one." She spoke around her bite of food.
I shook my head. "Nah. The first Nun was actually a little creepy." I pointed at the TV. "This one is kind of boring, actually.
"Agreed." Leena popped another pickle in her mouth.
I smirked at her. "I still don't get that. Why not just eat them on the sandwich?"
She stuck her tongue out, a perfect round pickle slice sat in the center, and crossed her eyes at me. I stuck my fingers out to pinch her tongue, but she sucked it back in quickly, giggling at me.
Although my stomach still hurt, and wasn't pleased that I had filled it with six crackers and a half of a water bottle, I felt a slight energy surge, so I didn't want to try falling back asleep yet. Not after my last nap. I shuddered at the thought.
Her eyes fell on me, noticing my shiver. "You want to talk about the dream?"
I shook my head, looking down at the cracker I was breaking. "It's fading anyway."
Mileena raised an eyebrow at me. "Mkay, well you let me know if you change your mind." She turned her attention back to the movie.
"What time do you have to go?"
She stood off the bed, balling up the paper from her sandwich, and tossing it in the trash can. "I called Laura after you woke up, and she told me I was fine to stay over if needed. Addie has been really good today, and tomorrow her and Nick are taking the baby to the aquarium."
Expressionless, I tried not to let the hope swell too much in my chest.
Still, I croaked out. "Slumber party?"
She laughed, stepping into the bathroom and closing the door. "Oh sure! We can paint nails and have a pillow fight!" She hollered from behind the door.
"I'm into it!" I yelled back.
"Yeah, well I'm all yours, then."
I smiled triumphantly. If I had known this was how to keep her around, I would've been licking doorknobs ages ago.
She returned, perching back on the bed. Her eyes glanced over to me comfortably, a smooth smile on her face.
"Leena?" She looked back at me over her shoulder. "Seriously, have you told him you're here?"
Her face fell, her gaze dropping to the remote in her hand. "I haven't."
I huffed, leaning back. "Maybe you shouldn't."
Her eyes looked up at me from under her lashes. "Can I be honest with you, Noah?"
My face twisted into a frown. "I expect nothing less."
She turned completely, facing me, and her legs crossed underneath her.
"I'm not good at this." She gestured between us.
I raised a brow. "What do you mean?" I looked over to the nightstand and down at my crackers. "Being a doctor? Could've fooled me."
She rolled her eyes, smiling. "No, dork." She looked back down out her hands. "Being broken up."
My head leaned back against the headboard. "Ah."
"I just," She pressed her lips together. "I miss you. And that makes it so hard, because I know you miss me too. You tell me all the time."
I nodded, crossing my arms over my chest. "I do."
"I want to be with you all the time. I think about it all day, every day."
I wouldn't dare interrupt, despite the increasing surge I had to kiss her, touch her, hold her. Anything.
"I damn near talk myself into coming home every day, Noah." Her eyes were getting wetter, and I just wanted to press my lips to her forehead. "But then I remember. Being alone."
My heart twitched.
"I don't know. Justin is...good." Ouch. Didn't need to know that. "He has a good job. He likes me, so much." She rolled her eyes. "He's good-looking, funny. He likes everyone. He respects the hell out of you." Shocking, truly. The feeling wasn't at all mutual.
"But," Her hands fell flat on the bed, a deep breath filling her. "I don't feel what I do when I'm with you."
My face was curious. "And that is?"
"Alive." She stood up then, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the bed. My eyes followed her every move.
"Noah, I spent a long fucking time just...breathing." She stopped, eyes boring into me. "But then I met you, and I felt like something inside me woke up. Like I had been on autopilot, but then, suddenly, I was driving again. At a hundred miles an hour."
I smirked.
"Even now, after all this time, I feel so drawn to you. Like a magnet, or gravity? Maybe that's the same thing, I have no fucking clue."
"It's not. Continue."
She narrowed her eyes at me, but continued pacing. "Either way. I can't find that feeling with him."
She sat on the bed then, right next to me.
"It's like that feeling of being on a roller coaster, when your blood is on fire, and your heart is racing? But then you get off of it? And everything goes back to normal? Do you know what I mean?"
"I do."
"The second I left your hotel room that night, it was like I stepped off the coaster. And for a while, I loved that. It was relieving, not knowing when it was going to drop. It was nice to know that I finally had control." A tear rolled down her cheek. "But then...I hated it. I felt like I was at a standstill."
I lifted my hand, wiping the tear from her cheek, using the other to rest on her shoulder.
"But every time I saw you," Her voice cracked, wet. "it was like I was awake again; alive."
She shook, a cry breaking through her. I pulled her, then, bringing her in close to me. I held one arm around her body, locking her in close to my chest. My other holding the back of her neck, squeezing gently to comfort her as she cried.
"I got you, Leena." I whispered in her ear. "I'm right here."
Her hands gripped my shirt tight, legs pulled up underneath her.
"Babe," I pulled her up so I could look into her eyes. "I know this is so hard. But it's truly whatever you want. Whenever."
I pulled her back down.
"I'm always here, just for you."
She laughed then, a sarcastic sound. "Noah, I can't ask you to sit around and wait for me to figure my shit out."
"You don't have to."
This made her cry harder, and I squeezed her tight.
"I love you Mileena. More than life itself."
Her voice was strained. "God, I love you so much, Noah." She cried between her words. "I miss you so much it hurts."
I felt my own tears brewing. "I know. I do too." I inhaled hard, trying to hold my own hurt back behind my hard exterior. "Every day. Every moment."
"Can we just pretend for today? Can we just act like nothing ever happened? And be us? Please, I'm so fucking tired. I just need one fucking day." Her hands were pulling at me, desperate to get closer.
I wrapped both arms around her in a tight grip.
"Of course we can, baby." I spoke into her hair. "Anything you want, my love."
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the-fiction-witch · 4 months
Text
Future
Media The Artful Dodger
Character Jack Dawkins
Couple Jack X Reader
Rating SAD
Tumblr media
I finished up with the usual rounds on the ward, so I headed down to the morgue for the usual Thursday afternoon. I wandered down the stairs before arriving at the small morgue room where the bodies lay ready for the afternoon. And she stood. Miss Y/n Y/l/n, stood in her sage green dress with her parasol folded in her hand. "Good Afternoon Dr Dawkins," She greeted with her usual firm smile, "Afternoon," I greeted, I shut the door with my foot and began to roll my sleeves as I headed to the body, "You remember what we were doing today?" "Of course." she smiled setting her parasol by the door and grabbing her patron which she wrapped quickly around her back in a bow and she pushed her hair back from her face, she came over and stood across the table from me, "Go on," I nodded as I handed over the blade, She smiled and set her spectacles from the chain around her neck onto her nose and she took it to begin as usual.
I paced around her as she worked only speaking up if I needed to, but I often didn't much need to anymore. She was well used to this by now, I had taken her sort of as a student I suppose. She wanted to learn and I didn't have anything better to do, she knew the rules of society meant she could never be a surgeon even if I admit I wish she could be, she was better than Sneed, better than Prof., hell with practice she could be better then me, that and she pays me, she gets an allowance from her father most of which she pays me to give her these lessons, and frankly her payments are about the only money I have coming in other then cards. She worked slowly and gracefully, never missing a beat often I only spoke to remind her of things most of which she already knew. I had to admit my eyes lingered on her hands as she worked so gracefully, on her face so poised and yet distant today, the chilly air of the morgue had somewhat been warmed by her presence.
I was… well aware of my feelings for her, but I did my best not to think of it. I am her teacher after all it wouldn't be proper talk about abuse of power, I'm a doctor, her teacher, and I'm older than her. Even if… I had felt like maybe she could have reciprocated it wasn't worth the madness if someone were to know. We chatted with each other as we often did about the business of the hospital and such like before she began humming as she was working it was a strangely… melancholic song, slow and distant as she hummed without her usual joy and spark. But even so, It's a morgue so I glared at her.
She glanced up over her spectacles, "I take it silence is preferred?" "Silence is better Miss Y/n," I remind her, "It can help you focus, and allow your hand to concentrate, the morgue is a good place for silence as it is for examination, study and where the people go when it's over." "Very well, Sorry." she answered, "it's fine. I know what you're like." "if silence is better why do the surgeons perform to a crowd shouting and drinking?" "Becuase we need to get paid." "Fair enough," she chuckled, "I am struggling a little." "With?" I asked as I came over again, "This was A Sneed patient yes?" "How'd you guess." "The general state of it." "well yes you are correct this was Sneed's doing." I chuckled, "He can be a bit heavy-handed," She rolled her eyes, "the man's a butcher. How he got a degree from the London Royal College of Medicine frankly astonishes me" she explained, "Forgive me I should not speak of the doctors as such he is your colleague" She said as she took back her words, which was very strange Y/n was the sort of girl to say things and deal with the consequences it isn't like her to be apologizing for such things, I gave her a reassuring smile and I couldn't help but laugh, "Don't worry, I share your concern over Dr Sneeds' lack of finesse. He is rather…inelegant. I often find myself wondering as well, I have been half tempted to get his degree down from his bedroom wall just to see if it's written on the back of some shipping letter," "Or written in pencil." "You dare me to go check?" "No, no. it's alright Doctor Dawkins." "You have a lot of potential you know," I told her, "I do?" "Mhm, Great potential. You study hard, you practice whenever you can, you listen to directions, and you don't have much of an ego, You tend to sell yourself short a lot of the time Miss Y/n." "I suppose, I just don't much bother." "Becuase?" "Becuase, I know I won't ever be a surgeon." "Maybe… someday." "I lack one key feature to be a fantastic surgeon." "What would that be then?" "A cock." I couldn't help but laugh, "As skilled as I may be doctor dawkins, a lady cannot be a doctor let alone a surgeon. My dreams of surgical work are merely that, Dreams."
I looked at her for a while and my heart did feel sore for her, I know this is what she wants and I know I'm just giving her false hope by teaching her but still… I didn't want her to feel like this. "Well, if you may doctor Dawkins." She said setting her blade down as she finished up, yet again I noticed her usual joy and perky smile was gone today and it began to grow heavy in my mind, "Alright, alright, back from the table Miss y/n." I told her so she stepped back and I came in to investigate her work, "Humm… Yes… yes… very good… Ummm? uhh yes. Yes very good." "Can I get a curve for the fact it was a Sneed patient?" "No, no, you know the rules I don't grade on a curve." I warn her playfully, "You can't control how someone shows up," I remind her, "I think… I shall give you a B." "a B?!" she proested, "I'll bump you up to an A- if you can sew it up to thread snip in under two minutes." I offered, She nodded so I happily moved letting her come back and prepare her needle, I grabbed my watch and let her sigh a moment "Ready? Time." I told her starting the watch, She moved as she often did gracefully and efficiently, moving the thread with ease and skill even under pressure, and she finished the last stitch and snipped the thread so I stopped my watch. "Time?" "Forty-seven seconds," I told her, and I admitted I was… proud of her, I couldn't help feeling a sense of pride for my little pupil getting so good,
She let out a sigh of relief and began to pack away she pulled her spectacles off her nose and let them hang as she started to clean off her now bloody hands, "Something you wish to say Doctor Dawkins?" she asked as she washed them, I then noticed it had been a couple of minutes of me just kinda staring at her, "Actually, yes. I was…merely going to express my respect, my admiration and approval for your work today. each time I see you I am impressed by your skill and ingenuity, your precise and swift determination, and your quick work and agility in closing the body, even in light of Dr Sneed's butchering, was extraordinary." For a moment neither of us spoke but she let a smile slip, "Thank you, Doctor Dawkins, That means a lot." "You're welcome. Enjoy your A- for this week." "Thank you, but… it is still a hollow victory," she said sounding distant and strangely wishful "How so?" I asked, "A- is good." "Yes, it is but uhh… It's hard to explain." she said, "I somewhat feel… like a weather vain on an old abandoned house." She said I looked at her questionably a little curious if this was what had been going on with her today, "Elaborate." I told her crossing my arms, "I feel like, spinning. Working endlessly hard but not moving. Spinning away putting in all this work but, there's no one in the house, no one in town, no one to see the work I do. That I'd be better off just giving in and letting one little breeze send me plumping to the earth with the rest of the decaying house." She explained, The metaphor was, heartbreaking. And I admit I understood her feelings. "I- I understand it must feel that way, for a woman wanting a career such as this to feel like you're working to not get anywhere. But that doesn't mean you not still doing good work, you're dealing with bodies in a hospital morgue yes it's not being a surgeon but you're still doing a lot of good work. Why do you feel like it's not worth it anymore?" "it certainly feels that way," she said
I couldn't help but feel for her, to see herself feeling alone and devoid of any purpose. I feel deep empathy for her struggle and her sadness, and I don't know how to express my seriousness without coming off as if I was mocking her due to our usual playfulness. I wanted to speak up but I didn't, suppose that's the story of our whole relationship in one sentence isn't it, I want to speak and words linger behind my teeth. "Still." She stiffened herself, "Mustn't sour an afternoon." I noticed her changing as she made herself stiffer and proper, more upset, and clearly feelings of despair. But I don't know how to help her and yes we may be playful but I'm her teacher I don't even know if asking such things would be appropriate or if it was if she'd even tell me. I find myself admiring her in the way that she can so easily go from melancholy to a stiff upper lip. I nod my head slightly, Y/n straightens her dress, and my eyes are drawn to it, It suits her figure well and complements her fair complexion. I can't help but feel a bit of a bubbly at the sight of her, despite knowing that we are strictly in a professional relationship as teacher and student, I can't help myself some days. My gaze travels back to Y/n's face, My attention is drawn to her face, how it has such an alluring quality to it. The curves of her cheeks and jawline catch my eye, as does her soft and delicate mouth. The light shines on her face through a nearby window, making her skin glisten in a truly mesmerizing way. I can't help but feel so smitten by her. "I uhhh I have something to tell you, Doctor Dawkins." "Oh?" I asked as her words woke me from my daydreams, "This uhhh… this will have to be our last lesson for a while," she said forcing out her words,
"Oh? your father cutting your allowance or something?" I chuckled, "No, No I uhh no," she said, I couldn't keep this up so I spoke up, "Miss Y/n. Are you… alright?" "Well, I uh…" She trailed off, "Please, I want to know if everything's alright, you've not been anywhere near your normal bubbly playful self, you seem so sad, so distant, is it something I said?" "No, No…" She began, "My father. Found out about this," My blood ran cold, I knew of her fathers… disapproval of her interest in such things, I felt angry and upset, but I felt so terrible for her. "I uhhh I'm sorry to hear that Y/n. I take it he is forbidding you from coming again?" "He is yes." "Well, we can just hope he forgets about it in a month or two, like last time." "I uhh I'm afraid not." "No?" "I'm getting married, next month Doctor Dawkins." "M-Married?" I asked immediately my heart sank to my feet, my stomach jumped to my throat I… found myself unable to give a good appropriate formal response to this, I forced myself to swallow my feelings and force a smile to my lips, "L-lovely. I uhh I do hope to be invited to the wedding. Who, uhh Who's the lucky groom them?" "I don't know." "…what?"
"My father-" "Your father arranged it?!" my anger rising, she nodded, "You're father found out about all this and is not only forbidding you from coming back but is selling you off like some mare with some arranged marriage!" Immediately I noticed how angry I had gotten so I calmed down as best I could not wanting to upset her more. I forced my frustration away, it's not like I can argue against this marriage. I simply nod my head. "He did, he is insisting on the end of our lessons, I know nothing of my new husband," she said forcing back tears, "You… don't want this do you?" she shook her head, "I do not wish to but father is insisting and… I will not be permitted to do such things once I'm married" My heart broke for her, I could hear the pain in her voice. The mere idea of being forced into marriage against her will is disgusting, and the fact that her father has so little consideration for her. However, I know that my personal feelings are irrelevant in this situation as much as I'd want them to be relevant. And yet, I cannot help but feel a profound sense of guilt for my inability to help her, as her father is clearly determined to make this marriage happen, against her wishes. I swallow my feelings of sadness, attempting to push them down to prevent myself from becoming overwhelmed with sorrow. But she broke me.
"he demanded I become a housewife, to merely cook, and clean and bear him, children…" She said and the moment she utterly those words it was the a dam burst and her eyes flooded with tears her cheeks became waterfalls, as if all the feelings she had concealed all set loose at once. I felt so angry at her father the anger boiling in my bones for him that he cares so little for his daughter, that he cared so little for what she wants that he'd strip her of all that made her who she is just to make her some boys housewife. But… I can't bear to watch her cry like this, I felt as overwhelmed with sadness as her, but I hid my tears as best I could, I felt so responsible. If I hadn't been teaching her then maybe her father would never have done this to her, Maybe I should have spoken to her father stepped in and protected her, I know I can't say anything, I can't say or do what I want to do. I wanted to go over take her in my arms, kiss her, tell her how I feel for her, comfort her and dry her every tear but… I know what would happen if anyone knew I did so, "You've told him you don't want this?" "I have begged him on my knees to stop this… But he will not. In just a few months it will be over. My whole life will be over and I will be… A bride." And I snapped, "Your father's disregard for you and his disregard for your happiness is distasteful. He does not love you. He does not care about your well-being and he treats you with a complete lack of respect. It is obvious that this marriage is a means to an end for him, a way to control and suppress you and to satisfy his egotistical desires." I said taking her hands in my own, but my words gave her little help,
"I… I would give anything to escape this" Her back hit the wall and her body slowly sunk into a pool of grief and despair, My heart shattered for my sweet y/n, I could barely contain my heartaches as I witnessed her tears I wanted to reach out and embrace her, but I knew that would be inappropriate, as she sat there she just looked so helpless, nothing like the y/n I knew no fire, no energy, no passion, no joy, just this helpless, hopeless, face of sadness to be stripped of her individuality, I felt like I needed to fight for her, for… us. to fight if I ever wanna see her again. I moved to her side sitting beside her with a decent gap between us and I supported her as much as I could without touching her or holding her even if I wanted to. slowly she runs out of tears not because she is no longer sad but purely with no more tears to cry, "you think I'd have made a good doctor?" Her heartbreaking question caught me off guard, and as I couldn't comfort her any other way, I told her the truth "Absolutely. You have a remarkable mind, and I do not doubt in my mind that you would have been an excellent doctor. Your knowledge of anatomy and physiology, your observational skills, and your ability to remain composed in high-pressure situations, are all exceptional qualities that would have made you a top-notch physician. I am sure that any medical institution would have been fortunate to have you as one of their own." She nodded sniffling her tears "You think I'd make a good housewife?"
I recoil slightly at the thought of her stuck as some housewife, "No. No, I think you would make a horrible housewife. Such a lifestyle would deprive you of your freedom, your intellect and your individuality. You are a force to be reckoned with, and the thought of you being limited to the mundane duties of the average housewife is… frankly a waste of talent." For a moment My Y/n slipped back in like I was seeing her through this forest of sadness, "I'd be more worried I can't cook" she said jokingly "Can't you?" "No. I can make soup if I have a recipe." I couldn't help but laugh to think how women pride themselves on their cooking, to think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach and she can't cook. "I don't imagine you being a very good housewife." "I'm sure something is transferable, I can sew a body, I suppose I can sew a shirt." I chuckled, "Maybe, I think you'd be better off marketing on your soup than your sewing." "Depends on the man I guess." "True, what do you know about him?" "…Only what he expects of me. to be a wife, to clean his home, to cook his meals." she explained," I have begged and pleaded with my father but he ignores me."
I turned to face her, my expression stiffening as I saw her sink further and further into hopelessness. I want to slap her father for causing her such misery. The very thought of her being forced into a marriage with a man who expects her to be obedient and subservient, a man who sees her as nothing but a thing, an object for his personal use and amusement, drives me up the wall. But I can only grit my teeth as I hear her. I want to go over to that man and give him a piece of my mind, to knock some sense into him and force him to see how terrible he is being to his daughter. "Your father is a stubborn and obstinate man, this much is clear. He has his agenda and is seemingly unwilling to listen to reason or your feelings. It is frustrating, to say the least. I know how hard you have tried to make him see your side of things, Your father is an idiot. He doesn't know what he's doing, and he has no appreciation for your potential or your intelligence. I don't know why he is so insistent on a marriage with this unknown man, but I can tell you now that such a marriage is a disaster waiting to happen. You are worth so much more than a life of servitude to this man, but I am not sure your father realizes this.” "He wants me to be a good wife, as does my husband. He wants a housewife, to cook, clean, and give him children." I shuddered to think of her having such a life, even when I did think of my feelings for y/n she was always by my side, taking her almost as my head nurse or apprentice as well as my wife, we'd share chores and cuddle in bed at night, not this life of work and baby making. "… You know what makes it worse?" "What?" She for a moment seemed the saddest he'd ever seen her, "I… I can't have children," she whispered
"That's not your fault." I rushed to comfort her, "You can't be blamed for what you can't do, if your husband doesn't like that it's his problem, not yours." I told her trying not to clench my fists with this rage inside me, "but he wants them. Already in his letter, he has asked for me to plan for many of them… My father knows if my condition says that when I have a husband it shall go away… But I know it won't, I can't have children, even if this man was kind I would disappoint him in the only way he cared for…"
I … I didn't know what to say or how to help her, she was to be sold off like some breeding cow for this sick bastard, he doesn't love her or care for her at all, yet he'd wed her in a month and take her as his own, she… she deserves so much better than this. She leant over to set her head on my shoulder and I took that as my time, I couldn't contain myself any longer, and I wrapped my arms around her to let her cradle herself into my chest, I know I shouldn't do this but I can't be expected to sit here and do nothing, she sinks into me gripping my shirt tightly tears soaked my clothes, I held her close inhaling her scent, holding her soft skin, It broke me down to see the woman I care about brought down like this. She began to shake in my arms so I felt her tighter giving her every comfort she needed, I cradled her head and rubbed her back to soothe her, I wanted to be here for her. I felt her relax into my arms a little but neither of us let go, it was clear she…needed this comfort long before today and I was a fool for not giving it earlier. "Thank you, Doctor Dawkins."
I held her tighter trying to give her everything I felt in one long embrace, how I hated her father and his treatment of her, how I didn't want this to be her future, how I wanted to be with her, how I wanted to steal her away and be her knight in shining amour away from all of this, how I'd make her my princess, my queen, how… I loved my sweet y/n. How I knew in my heart she was worth far far more than the fate she had been offered.
"I … I have truly appreciated your lessons more than you know I wish I could articulate but I am not one for words, please don't blame yourself for my pain, I have so enjoyed our time together learning and listening, if I could have it any other way I would I had hoped that perhaps… But it doesn't matter now. But thank you For everything " Ohh god damn it, you can't just say that to me and expect me not to start crying for you… I sniffled my tears and tried to hide myself away "Yes, I have also learned a great deal from these lessons of ours, you have always been a most keen and attentive student. I will be proud to know that I was a part of the journey for you even if the destination is now what you wanted." "thank you" she nodded, "I should… I should go father will be expecting me" she said gathering her things and wiping the last of the tears
she began to get up and I couldn't help but wish that I could reach out and pull her back toward me once more. I don't care what her father expects of her, I want her in my arms and I want us to just hold each other for as long as she wants. However, I knew this would not be proper, so with a heavy heart, I let her go. she went to the door and got her things giving herself an adjust, I met her by the door and almost held my breath, she came and wrapped her arms around my chest burrowing into me, but I didn't care I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could, my heart beating out of my chest for her, I took in her softness, her sweetness, her scent, her feeling, her … everything. Holding her just felt so right, like we were two pieces of a puzzle made to fit together, I don't care if it's wrong, I don't care if it's not proper, I can't help myself, "thank you for everything, Jack…" She whispered, I may never see her again for god sake! I want to hold her as long as I can, I want to wrap her in my arms and protect her from everything in this world that may hurt her. "Goodbye -"
And I lost it, "Wait!" I held her tighter my voice faltered and broke as I spoke, "Please. Please before you go just… just let me…" "Yes?" she asked looking up at me with those sweet little eyes, I looked deeply into her eyes, feeling incredibly conflicted about what I was about to do. I know it would be inappropriate, but the desire is stronger than any other. Finally, I feel if I don't I never will, I lean down to kiss her on her forehead. She needs someone to care for here, and I have to be that for her. She has saved me many times by being there when I needed her. To think this could be My final moment with her… As I lift myself away, I feel my heart racing and my chest thudding with every beat. I see her looking at me with a look of bewilderment and surprise, and I feel incredibly guilty. This is not right, but at the same time, I need this. I need this more than I can put into words. I want to leave her with something she can treasure and something that will comfort her. And so I lean down once more, this time bringing my lips near to hers.
After all this time, all this wanting, all this needing, I finally kissed her. As her lips touch mine, all of my fears and worries and inhibitions melt away and I lean into her kiss, relishing in the sweetness. I am taken by a wave of pleasure and ecstasy that I have never known before, and I can't help but stay in this moment for as long as possible. I don't want to let her go, and so my lips remain pressed against hers for as long as she'll let me, She softly kissed back and I felt like I was swimming in an ocean of delight. We kissed for a good few seconds before I pulled back.
Both of us blushed hard in a rush of emotions after just crying and now kissing, but I loved every moment of it, every inch of her, it made me wanna kick myself for not doing it earlier, and all I wanted in the world was for her to stay in my arms and kiss me again. So… I did, I let down and kissed her again holding her even tighter she kissed back happily but with a slow sadness to it, when we pulled back the feeling of the kiss lingering on my lips made me tremble slightly, as I watched her pull away. There's an awkward pause between us, and I'm not sure what to say or do at this moment. "Did- did you mean to kiss me?" I wasn't sure how to answer her for a moment, "I- I did." "did you… want to kiss me?" "Yes. I wanted to kiss you." "Jack… please don't kiss me just because you pity me." The words stung like a knife. I don't want her to think that this is just pity and sympathy motivating me. She is much more than that. I feel like if I try to kiss her at this moment, but I want to tell her… I want to tell her everything "You're more than my student. You-…" "I'm what?" "you're More than my student. More than just an object of compassion or pity. To me, you're…" I explained trying not to cry, "To me…. you're special. More than special." "More than special?" "You're Y/n." I told her, "My y/n. at least I always wanted you to be… My Y/n." "You did?"
"I think I fell in love with you. I didn't mean to, I didn't notice at first I didn't even realize until … it was too late I was trying to fight it, I didn't want to feel anything for you. I'm your teacher, your doctor, But I don't think I can deny it any longer." "… Ohh Jack" she broke into a smile tears down her face, "I fell in love with you, after our second lesson." "You've loved me since the second lesson?" She nodded now crying joyful tears but I was right there with her, "I love you too. I've loved you for a long time, I just haven't been able to admit it to myself or you…" I told her "Wh- why couldn't you have told me this months ago… If… If you had told me before my father found out, then we… We could have married." She said, "We'd have trained and learnt together, worked together side by side, that would have been our future," Her words cut me deeply, but I can't help but recognize the truth of her words. If only I had been mature enough to speak up earlier, maybe things could have been different for the both of us. But I let my my fear get the better of me, and now the consequences of that are here to bite me in the ass, "I'm sorry. I was scared to say anything. I wanted to protect you. I wanted to keep you safe…" "… I'm hardly safe now, am I? Being prepped to be sold into the arms of another." She said, "It's too late now…" "If I'd have known I-"
"Jack, believe these words more than any other, if you and told me. I'd have married you in a moment, I'd have built a life with you so happily, if I could I'd have pushed back the tide, stole the moon, purged the world for you. And if that life was an option now, I'd give my life for it" Her words filled me with such love, unable to hold back my feelings any longer the idea, of rules, society, and what other people would think I didn't care! I love her! I love her more than anything! I don't care what I have to do all I want is to be with her, to be with my Y/n. My hand began shaking, and my voice broke as I spoke "I want to marry you. Take my hand and leave everything behind. I don't care about society or what it thinks of me anymore. I want you, and only you. You are the love of my life, and I would rather die than be without you."
"as would I… But it's too late" she answered she held him in a tight hug for a moment and kissed his lips but this kiss was cold and empty, and I felt as if I had just thrown away the most perfect thing I could have wished for, "Please, don't leave. I won't let this be the end. I can make this work, we can still get married and have a life together. I can't lose you, not like this…." "Please don't make this harder than it already is," she pleaded, "I wish… our future could have been different," she gave my lips a final kiss, "Goodbye Jack." She took her things, and left the morgue I wanted to run after her! I wanted to chase her down take her in my arms and run away with her. But I stayed still with so much left unsaid and left undone, I let her go. And I left the best thing I had walked out of my life.
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valsarchives · 1 year
Text
as it was - t.c
face claim: lily-rose depp
a/n: pls don’t think i hate taylor i adore her 🥹
Part 2 here | Part 3 here
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enews
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enews looks like our couple is having happy time on their vacation 😍 Let us know what you think in comments!
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timotheefan3 he should’ve been with taylor tho
timmyfan07 agreed!
randomuser yesss she is such a boyfriend stealer
ynfan59 she did nothing wrong u psycho
user47394 this should be taytay! They are end game periodt
ynmybaby lol nope.
taylorfan28 I don’t even know what he sees in her, like no beauty no talent NOTHING
ynfan2 stfu and leave y/n alone
timmyandtaylorr they’re right tho
timmytimmy parents 😍😍😍😍
ynsbabygirl i’m glad there is still persons like you tbh
timmytimmy we’re in this together sis! I love them. And timmy is obviously so in love with her 🥰
tayrussell my babes❤️❤️
*liked by enews
timotheefan13 girl nooo 😭😭😭😭
tayfan95 she stole ur man babe don’t say that
ynfan20 cuties 💖
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tchalamet
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liked by yourusername, johnnydepp, tomholland2013 and 9,395,194 others
tchalamet ma meilleure moitié, before I made this post I called your mom and dad, and thanked them for bringing you to this life (I literally said “thank you for making her” because I was excited and I embarrassed myself but we won’t talk about that) thank you for making me a better man and giving me all the happiness I could ask for. You bring my life the light and colors I needed. And I can’t thank you enough for that. Keep shining my baby. I love you more than life itself. Happy birthday angel girl ♥️
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timotheefan74 he calls her ‘my better half’ AAAHHH 😩💖✨
yourusername this made me cry 🥹
tchalamet from happiness i hope?
timotheefan10 lol bitch cry more
randomuser hahah yes i get so happy when you’re sad
yourusername je t’aime je t’aime je t’aime 🖤
tchalamet je t’aime aussi
yourusername my mom said she never heard something like this before and laughed
tchalamet i can’t look her face rn oh god 😭
zendaya HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN!!
*liked by tchalamet and yourusername
user2947 lol queen of what????
username107 stealing 😂
randomuser48 bro seriously leave her alone it’s her birthday for god’s sake
user183 thank you for reminding us today is cursed 😔🙏🏻
ynmybaby HAPPY BDAY MY BABY! DON’T LISTEN WHAT THEY SAY ABT U WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH 💖💖💖💖
ynfan229 YESSSSS
randomuser19 talk for urself
ynsbabygirl fuck off then
timmyfan29 STAN QUEEN Y/N 🤍
randomuser0 she should’ve never born
user924 ugh 😒
username59374 make this day even better and kill urself y/n 😍
ynfan49 get help seriously
yourdadsinstagram I’ll admit that I was shocked when you called us but I’m glad really. Thank you for making my girl happy Timothèe.
tchalamet that’s why I’m here for sir 🫡
florencepugh Happy Birthday Y/n!!!!!
kendalljenner cutiesss 🥺
hulu her smile is the best thing 🥹
tayrussell Happy Birthday bestie i love you soooo much 😘
ynfan27 some comments even made me cry i hope y/n doesn’t feel sad abt this. It’s impossible tho
timmyfan1 i agree!! She doesn’t deserve this hate
username593 yes she does 😍
timotheefan49 you need help dude stop
timmytim19 the caption is too cute i can’t 😭🤧❤️
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yourusername
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yourusername MET🖤
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tchalamet 🤯🤯🤯
chanel loved this look 🖤
taylorswift my girl🤍
tayrussell you look amazing!!!
hulu angel 🤎
ynmybaby OH MY GOD ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥
pauline.chalamet hottest girl alive
florencepugh hot mamma 🔥
nicoleflender angel girl 💖
ynandtimotheeupdates
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ynandtimotheeupdates the way they look at each other 😩🥹
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timotheefan105 oh he is so in love with her
bonesandallfannn no he isn’t
user2943 god i’m so sick of them
ynhater break up with her already
randomuser42 dump her timmy boyy
randomuser204 i can’t even stand her ugly face
user5947438 🤢🤢
ynsbabygirl can y’all stop like wtf is wrong with you guys? Timothée and Taylor are just friends, they said that like million times already. Stop this shit, Y/n did nothing wrong she doesn’t deserve this hate she is getting.
user28472 yuck
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enews
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enews According to a close source, Timothèe Chalamet and Y/N L/N called it quits. They said it is because of the hate she gets and that makes her depressed and they can’t have a healthy relationship together. We are sorry for them.
the comments are limited for this post
timotheefan593 nooooooo 😭
randomuser483 god finally!!!!!!
ynmybaby i just hope y/n is ok.
timotheefan59 now get your queen taylor timmy
timmytimmy wtf is wrong with you
ynandtimmyy she deleted all their pic and unfollowed him 😔
ynsbabygirl but timmy still didn’t deleted the pics
timotheefan473 and he still follows her (he only follows her 😭)
taylorfan482 now he can be with Taylor!!!
tayrussell this is getting ridiculous. Timothée and I are friends and we are ONLY friends. You guys are sick. Y/n didn’t deserve that. And let me tell you something I was their matchmaker and I was proud. You guys need a therapist.
timotheefan583 I saw him at a cafe and he looked so damn sad 😔
ynfan63 I saw the paparazzi pics and god he looks devastated
timotheefan0 hope u guys happy now
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WIBTA if I tell my partner that they need to sell the gift I gave them last year if they no longer like it?
I gave my partner a gift last holiday season that was supposed to have two separate parts. One of the parts was made out of a material he doesn’t like or use himself for ethical reasons. I didn’t realize it was made out of that material when I bought the gift; I was so excited about my gift idea, that I did not check to see what material each individual part was made from when I initially ordered it. I’ll refer to this disliked material as the “other part”.
When the gift came in the mail, I put the other part aside and decided I wouldn’t give that to him. I intended on returning it. The day after the holiday I did tell him there was supposed to be two parts of the gift, explained what happened/showed him the other part, and asked if he’d like me to make one out of a different material.
I recall him saying that he would maybe like one made from a different fabric, but he now says that he told me to return the other part immediately (I would have needed to keep the other part for measurements and such if I made a different one). Based on my recollection, I kept it and intended to make him another one. I got busy with work and other sewing projects that both he and I would agree are more important (memorializing a loved one who passed), and my adhd brain forgot that I had tucked away the other part somewhere. So it went unreturned, and unused. It’s far too late to return it now, since it’s nearly the next holiday season.
I do recognize that I should have been more careful about what materials each was made out of, and I have apologized to him for this and promised to be more careful in the future.
I did really want to make him a new one out of different material. And I think on some level, I liked the other part and maybe thought I could keep it for myself since I bought it. I do purchase other items made from this material, and have since starting my relationship and moving in together. Desiring to keep it for myself is probably selfish, but I was thinking of eventually buying both parts of the gift for myself anyways.
Recently he found the other part tucked away, and expressed his frustration that I still had it. I apologized, and admitted that part of me wanted to keep it for myself. He said that he hadn’t even used the gift I actually did give him (even though the material was fine) because it reminded him of how I didn’t take the time to check and see what materials both parts were made out of. He said he was hurt by that, and that “it’s a bad memory”. He said he wanted to sell both parts, and I was also really hurt upon hearing that. The gift was themed around a show we both bonded over, and he was so happy opening the part I did actually give him.
I asked him if he wanted me to order him a different “other” part, because the company recently started making them out of other materials (but with a slightly different theme, still about the show but a different season). He said he didn’t want that, and just wanted to get rid of the other part and his gift. For the past few days, I have occasionally brought up the subject, trying to ask more questions about why he feels the way he does and figure out a way to convince him to keep the part of the gift I gave him I initially. I no longer think I can find a way to convince him, and am going to stop trying.
Today we were talking and said something about the show that reminded me of the gift (which he has since wrapped up in a plastic bag and set where it was displayed just a few days ago), and I got sad. He asked why I was sad and I explained, and apologized again for my mistake. He was quiet. Later I told him he could sell both parts if he wanted to, but he said he doesn’t “want anything to do with it”. I realized that he may expect me to take care of selling this gift for him.
I don’t have an eBay account, don’t want to make one for this one thing, and I’m still feeling hurt that he doesn’t want to keep the gift I did actually give him almost a year ago (trying to process these feelings on my own, because logically I know it’s okay to reject a gift). Maybe if he had said he didn’t want the gift last winter, I would’ve returned it or sold it for him. I feel that, since he has kept the gift for so long (he had it displayed on his desk as a pen holder and then in our kitchen even if he didn’t use it as intended), he should be responsible for selling it if he doesn’t like it. So, if he tells me he wants me to take care of selling the gift, WIBTA if I refuse to do it myself?
What are these acronyms?
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fandsart · 10 months
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To Be Friends
I’ve exaggerated some of Nancy’s negative character traits slightly in this story, but it’s also for the sake of her developing past them.
Robin usually sits alone, as sad as that is. It’s whatever; she’s comfortable with it. She can usually get some reading done without any interruptions. But it’s the first day back at school since they took down Vecna, and she’s pleasantly surprised when Nancy sits across from her. They smile at each other, a little stiff without a common goal they’re trying to work for.
“You packed a lunch today,” Nancy states awkwardly.
“Actually Steve made this for me. He always dotes more after, uh… notable events. Sometimes it’s just a particularly bad nightmare. One time Dustin popped a bike tire and Steve bought him a helmet after it was fixed. He gets spikes in paranoia when he’s reminded how easily things can go wrong.”
“That does sound like him. You should try dating him.”
Robin’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Is that a real suggestion?”
“Oh! No, I just mean that he doted on me all the time when he was dating me.”
“Yeah, he’s a real sap.”
There’s a lull in the conversation before Nancy speaks up again. “It is surprising you aren’t a couple. You’re both very attractive.”
“Uh… so? I mean, thank you? I mean… I’m not interested. He’s not my type.”
Nancy hums. “Don’t worry. I understand.”
“You… do?”
“I actually have dated Steve. It probably would have been smarter to be friends first. You’re smart that way.”
“... Thank you?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m sure you’re well aware of the bullet you dodged.”
Robin chuckles uncomfortably. “Maybe? I guess that depends on what exactly you’re referring to.”
“You said yourself he tends to dote. It’s so much more extreme when he’s dating you. I don’t need to use his jacket for the one minute walk from the school to the car. I don’t need him opening doors for me. I can do that myself.”
“Uh-huh…” Robin says, trying to keep her eyes from squinting.
“And he gets so clingy. And emotional. I swear sometimes it was more like he wanted me to be his mom than his girlfriend, which is honestly so privileged. He cut off his friends for me, so it became my job to comfort him about it?”
“He was friends with them for a long time, and he didn’t have anyone else to talk to about it. He’d kind of just cut off all his other friends,” she tries to joke.
“They were assholes,” Nancy says, maintaining seriousness. “He shouldn’t have been so caught up on them.”
“If he didn’t realize just how shitty they were until you, then he must have had a lot of good experiences with them too. A lot to be conflicted about.” She knows this is the case, because Steve’s talked to her about it too.
“He shouldn’t have been friends with them in the first place.”
“So why did you date Steve for so long? Like a year, right? If he was such a shitty boyfriend? You shouldn’t have been dating in the first place?”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“Because Steve was popular. Everyone loves him, but the only other person I thought might want me was too preoccupied to look at me. I waited a month with nothing. Can you really blame me for wanting to feel wanted and liked after my best friend died?”
“No, but I can blame you for using that as your excuse while apparently hating anything he did because he wanted and liked you. You literally started your complaints about how doting he can be.”
“What, like you don’t think it’s annoying?” And Robin knows what she means by that, but ‘annoying’ would never be the word she would use to describe it. Just… overwhelming sometimes. But understandable. “Besides, that was more of a pet peeve. You were the one who brought that up. There’s a reason I moved my complaints to him crying over his positive choices.”
And that startles Robin a bit. “He actually cried over it?”
Nancy rolls her eyes. “It was a hyperbolic idiom. But my point remains. Everyone loves him, but he was just upset that those two assholes didn’t anymore.”
“If everyone loves him why did no one turn up?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You say everyone loves him like he could have anyone, but you were all he had after Tommy and Carol immediately turned on him for pushing back one time.”
“You know what, that’s another thing. Why even be upset that someone who was willing to turn on you that quickly, did?”
“Well under that logic Steve should hate you then, shouldn’t he?”
“Oh, is that what this is about? Fine, go shoot your shot. I’m sure he’d love to have you. But don’t come crawling to me when he becomes too much for you.” With that she gets up from the table and sits at a newly vacant table.
Robin’s never ditched school before, but now she wants nothing more than to bike over to family video and hug her favorite person.
↞⬡+¤+⬡↠
She manages to talk herself out of skipping. She only had 2 and a half hours of school left after lunch, and none of the classes left were her best. Steve would take his break to pick her up anyway, so why put in the effort to bike all of the way there? Still, she has such a hard time concentrating on the last classes.
When she finally gets out, Steve is already parked in his usual spot, and she plops down into the seat.
“Bad day?” Steve asks.
“You know how you were hoping we could have some kind of outing with Nancy and Jonathan before the latter has to go back to California?”
“Yeah?”
“Scratch that. We’re not doing it.”
“What happened?”
She hesitates. She doesn’t want to be the one to tell him, but she also isn’t going to keep this from him. “Nancy told me that she didn’t like dating you, basically.”
“Oh, yeah, I know that.”
“And what, you're just ok with hanging out with her now?”
“I mean, it’s not her fault. She tried to like it. It’s not her fault she didn’t.”
“But it is her fault for not telling you how she felt about it. Let you think everything was fine. That’s leading you on.”
Steve shrugs. “It’s not like she was trying to do that. And it’s not like hanging out with her now would involve any kind of hope that we’d get back together. She didn’t like me as a boyfriend, but we can still be friends.”
“How do you know she likes you as a friend? If she lied to you about liking you as a boyfriend.”
“We should get to work before my break is up,” he says, putting the car into gear.
They don’t talk about it after that. They don’t talk much at all for the rest of the day.
↞⬡+¤+⬡↠
Robin doesn’t eat lunch in the cafeteria after that, not wanting to deal with Nancy again. She doesn’t necessarily know that Nancy would try to start up that conversation again, but even just seeing her in the hall sours her mood a bit, so she doesn’t need to be dealing with that.
So she’s sitting in an empty classroom eating lunch when Nancy finds her.
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
Robin glares. “Is this not mutually beneficial?”
Nancy sighs. “Look,” she starts as she sits in the seat beside Robin, “I’m not great at taking criticism. I’m a very defensive person. I’m not good at admitting when I’m wrong, but… I was, so…”
“So…” Robin prompts.
“So you were right. I just… needed to sit on all the points for a while before I could calm down enough to actually consider them.”
“Ok. But what are you going to do about it?”
“I’m… apologizing?”
“For what?”
Nancy rolls her eyes, but answers anyway. “For snapping at you, and not listening to what you were trying to tell me.”
“Ok. So what about Steve?”
“What about him?”
“Are you going to apologize to him too?”
“For fighting with you?” She lets out a confused breathy laugh. “I know you guys are close but is that necessary?”
“Are you serious right now?”
Nancy blinks a few times before jolting a little. “Oh! I was too focused on- yeah, I should. It’s just been so long I wasn’t even thinking about it.”
“Do you want to be friends with Steve?”
“What do you mean?”
“He still respects you, and wants to reconnect after… everything. I don’t want you to let him drag you to hang outs because it’s easier than denying a simple request, then blowing up at him about it later. Again. I don’t know if he’d come back from it a second time.”
“I honestly don’t know,” Nancy sighs. “If I want to be friends with him. I feel like… he carries an association… The whole year I was with him I was in mourning, and we only reconnected recently because of, as you worded it, ‘recent events.’ I just… every time I’ve been with him in one way or another… something bad was going on. I feel like being friends with him would just leave me on edge all the time.”
“Make sure he knows that then.” She picks up her now empty lunch tray and moves to leave the room.
“Wait, Robin!”
“Yeah?” she stops by the doorway.
“Can we still be friends?”
“I don’t know… But we can be more than not friends.”
“Yeah… I’d want to be more than ‘not friends’ with Steve too.”
“Make sure he knows.”
“Yeah…”
We never really see how Nancy responds to being wrong, because she’s never written to be. My headcanon for how she responds to it is that she gets really pissed, but after sitting on it for a long time she has a hard time denying when there’s an imbalance. She’s logical enough to know what’s right, but she’s stubborn, and bias towards her own perspective, so things like this do need to get pointed out to her and it takes her a while to come around.
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baronessblixen · 6 months
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Prompt: 8. "Give me that, before anything happens."
Sequel to day 22 "Cookie Theft And Other Crimes" but can be read as a stand-alone: What happens when Mulder wakes up with Scully in his arms? (Fluff all the way! wc: 1,137)
Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2023
Fictober Day 27: Christmas With You By My Side
This could be a dream come true; he’s slowly waking up, Scully soft and warm in his arms, still fast asleep and snuggled against him. It would be a dream if it weren’t for the indistinct chatter becoming louder and clearer.
Mulder blinks his eyes open and loses himself in the sight of Scully with her mouth partly open as if she fell asleep in the middle of an argument. He brushes a strand of hair out of her face, afraid it’ll wake her. He’s hoping she’s so used to her family chattering about that they won’t wake her. He was not as lucky.
“Let them sleep a moment longer. It’s still early.” He hears the whispered hiss. That’s distinctively Mrs. Scully. He cracks a small smile. She of all people knows that her daughter needs all the rest she can get.
“Did you not see them?” Bill Jr. is awake too. Mulder is almost sad that he was blissfully asleep when the other man must have seen them down here on the couch together. He takes it all in. There’s a blanket over them so Bill Jr. couldn’t have seen that his sister is draped over him, her leg between his. Her head is resting on his chest, and he tries to keep his breathing even so that she slumbers on. Knowing Scully, she’d feel if something was wrong even in her sleep.
“I think they look cute.” That must be Tara, Bill’s wife.
“Cute? The guy showed up here in the middle of the night and no one even knew about it.”
“Bill, your sister wanted him here.”
“She doesn’t know what she wants.” Mulder takes a deep breath and tries to stay calm. Another glance at Scully to make sure she doesn’t hear any of this. Last night was hard enough. The throbbing in his jaw reminds him of when Bill Jr. discovered him here and showed him exactly what he thought of him. Mulder just took it and he knows he’d do it again. Maybe he shouldn’t have said the thing about him spending the night in Scully’s bedroom, but he couldn’t help himself. They ended up sleeping together anyway. Not in her bed, but why would they do any of this like normal people might? They left normal behind long ago.
“Bill!” Tara says, remembering too late they’re supposed to be quiet. “That’s your sister you’re talking about.” Mulder finds he likes Tara. How she ended up with someone like Bill Jr. remains a mystery. Maybe they can open an X-File on it.
“He’s caused her nothing but pain.” The disdain in Bill Jr.’s words hits Mulder unexpectedly. His eyes find Scully’s face, so peaceful in sleep. Last night all he saw there was hurt and weariness. He held her, let her know she wasn’t alone. And never would be. He made her smile, too. Elicited a small laugh even. Scully has reminded him more than once that none of what’s happened is his fault. Sometimes, though, it’s difficult to remember. What if Bill is right? The guilt gnaws at him.
“It’s not your place to decide who your sister spends her life with.” Mrs. Scully interrupts his pity party. “Fox and Dana have something special. She loves him and he loves her.” Mulder hears a gasp and for a moment isn’t sure if it came from Bill Jr. or out of his own mouth.
“But Mom…”
“You’ll be nice to him at breakfast.” It’s an order so harsh that even Mulder nods. “Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Mulder chuckles and that’s when he sees that Scully is looking up at him with a curious expression and the smallest of smiles.
“How long have you been awake?” he asks in a whisper, their faces close together. He should care about morning breath, but he doesn’t.
“Just a moment,” she says, her voice still sleepy.
“I hope I didn’t wake you.” She shakes her head, stretching, but not leaving his side. Instead, she snuggles closer and he has to control his breathing again. This time to not let her notice how excited he is. In more ways than one.
“No. It was Bill.” Her tone is laced with annoyance. “His voice has that effect on people.” Mulder just grins at her. “You know he’s wrong, right?”
“What do you mean?”
“When he said that you cause me nothing but pain.”
“You heard that, too?”
“I did, and I want you to get it out of your head. It’s not true. I see that worry line on your forehead there, Mulder.” She touches his forehead with the tip of her finger. “It’s not true.” She says, looking into his eyes. “You hear me?” He nods solemnly, trusting her. If she says it’s not true then all he can do is believe her.
“What about the thing your mother said?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” She’s so obviously lying that he has to laugh. Scully covers his mouth with her hand, not wanting to be found out. For the rest of the house, they’re still fast asleep. “Fine, I heard it.”
“You know it’s true on my end. I told you.”
“We’d just fished you out of the ocean, Mulder. I bet you said I love you to every nurse.”
“I didn’t, and I can just say it again now, Scully. I love you. Your mom is absolutely right about that. And you don’t need to say anything else now. I know how you are in the morning before your coffee. I don’t need the words from you. I know it in here.” He puts his hand on hers, close to his heart. “You follow me to haunted mansions and you let me comfort you when things get too much. I have everything I ever could have asked for.”
Scully doesn’t say anything, but he sees the wheels turning in her head. And then, completely unexpectedly, her mouth is on his. It’s a soft and tame kiss, appropriate for Mrs. Scully’s living room couch. But it’s still the best, most perfect kiss he’s ever received.
“Eww, there are grown-ups on the couch and they’re kissing!” A kid yells and suddenly it’s mayhem.
“They’re what!” Bill Jr. yells.
“Better give me that, before anything happens,” Tara says to either one of the kids or her husband.
“You get back into the kitchen, right now,” Mrs. Scully interferes before Bill can make it to the living room where Mulder and Scully still cling to each other and this moment. More and more people of all ages appear in the living room and Mulder doesn’t know who they are or where they came from. He can’t quite care either because Scully is still smiling at him. It’s already the best Christmas he’s ever had.
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lynzishell · 5 months
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Prev // Next
Transcript:
Phoenix: I’m glad you came out with me today. Dawn: Me too. Phoenix: It’s been a tough couple of weeks. Dawn: Yeah, it has.
Phoenix: Do you wanna talk about it? Dawn: No. Probably should, though. Phoenix: It might help. Dawn: I’m just… heartbroken. And I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.   Phoenix: Dawn, it’s not your –
Dawn: Don’t. Everyone keeps saying that, but I don’t know how you can believe it.
Phoenix: Okay, I’ll tell you what, if it’s your fault, then it’s mine too. And Atlas’s, for that matter. We were all up there together, and we all pushed each other to keep going when we felt like we couldn’t.
Dawn: But you kept trying to get me to stop.
Phoenix: Only for a few hours, for a night at most. And only to ensure you stayed well enough to keep going. So, you don’t get to keep all the blame for yourself. If it’s your fault, then it’s mine too, and we’ll share that burden.
Dawn: I could never let you do that. Phoenix: Why not? Dawn: Because you didn’t know. Phoenix: And neither did you.
Dawn: I feel like I should’ve though. I was just being stubborn, and I ignored everything my body was telling me because I hated being the one that was struggling.
Phoenix: I’m sorry, Dawn, I love you, but you’re just not that special. Dawn: Excuse me?
Phoenix: For one, you weren’t the only one struggling. You were just the only one puking. We were all struggling in our own ways. For two, of all the things that can go wrong on that mountain, there’s no way pregnancy was on anyone’s mind. You weren’t ignoring anything. You thought the same thing we all thought – altitude sickness. Because that was the most logical possibility for that situation. There’s no way you could’ve known more than any of us what was really going on. You’re just not that special.
Dawn: … I’m not that special? Phoenix: ‘fraid not. Dawn: I feel like that shouldn’t be as comforting as it is. Phoenix: [laughs] Well, if you ever need anyone to remind you how not special you are, I’m here for you. Dawn: [smiles] I may not be special, but I am very lucky. Phoenix: Aha, we’re getting cheesy now, are we? Dawn: Mhm
Dawn: [laughing] Alright, calm down, this is a family park.
Phoenix: Sorry, just missed you, I guess. Dawn: I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry I shut you out. Phoenix: Yeah, that was hard. Dawn: I know. I won’t do it again. Phoenix: I hope not.
Dawn: Speaking of… You’ve been taking such good care of me, and I feel like I haven’t been there for you at all. How are you doing? Phoenix: I’m okay. Dawn: No. Honest answer. Phoenix:  Honest answer? Dawn: Yes.
Phoenix: Okay… I am… really fucking sad. Dawn: Yeah. Me too.
Phoenix: I didn’t know this was what I wanted until it was real. And then it was taken away, just like that, leaving this big, gaping hole in my chest. And then for a minute there, it felt like I was losing you too. For the first time in a long time, I wished I could just pick up the phone and call my mom, but of course, I couldn’t do that either. I’ve never felt so helpless.
Dawn: I’m so sorry. Phoenix: It’s okay. I’ll be alright. Mostly, I’ve been afraid that this has been too hard on you, and you won’t want to try again.
Dawn: You want to try again? Like actually try? Phoenix: [nods] Dawn: Me too. Phoenix: Really? Dawn: I mean, maybe not right now. I don’t know what we’ll have to do to make it happen, or how long it will take, but I know it won’t be easy. And I think I need some time before diving into all that. Phoenix: Of course, whatever you need, you just let me know when you’re ready.
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