#how many things i’ve gotten myself excluded from

[mxaether]

struggling a. lot with wanting to Be Liked on The Internet today.

#cant sleep #only remember each and every one of my regrets in the past year #and wonder #how many things i’ve gotten myself excluded from #i can only just try my best to do and be better #but i worry #that maybe some spaces i’m in i’m not welcome anymore at all #but also i took my meds really late #so the cymbalta hasn’t had a lot of time to make the serotonin happen #so some amount of this intense social anxiety and depression i have is just my original hardest #hardware. #up to its old shit #ughhhhhhhhhhh #kids: don’t put the values of people you think are your friends above yours ever #your values are more important than friendships that make you feel like shit

[theresattrpgforthat]

Hey, I'm thinking of getting into the homebrew scene for TTRPGs, but don't really know any good starting points and know that at the end of the day its all about connections in the community. I know you're more for indie RPG advice rather than patreon content for discontinued games, but do you have any advice?

Hmm, I’m not sure how much help I can be answering this question, but I think one of the defining things of a community is the desire for everyone in it to do well - whether that’s designing a game, creating interesting home-brew, or getting listeners for your podcast.

In many ways, I think the TTRPG design community is an interconnected ecosystem: there are people who design, people who write reviews, people who create supplements, people who stream, and people who make podcasts. We all benefit from others in the space doing adjacent things, and rarely does doing one of those things exclude you from participating in some of the others.

I feel like a lot of the people I met in the space I met because I was doing something they found really helpful - I’m primarily collecting game recommendations under specific guidelines because of the number of times I’ve seen people asking about games that do X. I’m also creating character spreadsheets for games that I can’t find an online character sheet for. The biggest takeaway I’ve gotten from these endeavours is that I found an unfilled need, and I filled it. I put these out on the internet, and people showed up and showed interest.

I’m also entering game jams on Itch occasionally - in fact 80% of the games on my Itch page were created for game jams. I really like participating in the group part of this scene, and I started doing this mostly because I had more games that I was excited about than I could feasibly play in one year. I consider the game jam games to be ways to fuel and direct my creativity, as well as giving me concrete deadlines to ensure my work doesn’t founder in development hell. It also is a chance to see what other people are doing; what are people playing around with, what are people interested in making? Someday I hope to release something bigger, but I’m glad I’m doing these small bits and pieces first, because it’s helping me develop skills that I know I’m going to find useful down the road.

I don’t consider myself a prominent figure in any way shape or form, and I definitely feel welcomed by the feedback I’ve received from other designers who see what I do here. I’m also excited when I get to interact with other designers who do cool stuff that isn’t as well known yet - I’m not the only one getting my feet wet with game design and I am hopeful that those of us who are getting started at the same time get to watch each-other grow.

#mint speaks #I hope you found this helpful

[adibkhorram]

Dear Mr Khorram,

I recently read one of your books, Darius the Great Is Not Okay, and I’m so glad that I did. I had heard talk of the book floating around and I never knew why, but now that I’ve read it, I’m incredibly grateful that I did. Reading about Darius’ experience with his culture, his family, and his depression hit me right in the heart, as I have gone through very similar things. Seeing someone else go through things that I’ve gone through makes me feel so much less alone, and even if it’s still hard, I know that it’s a feeling that I can share with others.

Originally, I read this book as a way to look into another perspective, a type of ‘window,’ but the more I read, the more I saw myself in Darius. I understand how he feels when his father seems disappointed in him all the time for things he can’t control, because I’ve been through that too. My parents don’t always understand that sometimes the best I can do is just getting up and staying awake. Being excluded from the group, dealing with bullies that target you for things you don’t have control over, and struggling to understand what you’re supposed to do when you’re around others isn’t too far from home. It made me sad to realize that Darius and myself had gone through very similar situations.

More than that, I saw myself in Darius’ experience trying to connect with his culture. My family comes from many different places, and I’ve never been as connected as I’d like to be. I didn’t even know about part of my heritage until I was older, since my parents never talked about it. The lack of knowledge made me feel like I couldn’t really claim the culture as my own. Darius’ hesitancy to engage in things and his uncertainty about how to talk with other people in Iran, felt like someone had taken my anxieties right out of my brain and put them onto a page, just with a different background. It makes sense that plenty of people feel that way, especially when you’re the child of an immigrant, but it still was very special to see that struggle represented.

The thing that was maybe most impactful to me was Darius’ connection with his grandfather. I lost my grandfather around a year ago, and since he lived in Germany, I didn’t get to see him as much as I would have liked. I also had to leave knowing that I wouldn’t get to visit my grandfather again, and I’ll admit that I cried a bit reading that part of the book. Losing someone is always hard, but knowing that you won’t be able to go visit them again hurts. Losing someone hurts even more when it feels like you haven’t had enough time with them. The way that you talked about Darius’ feelings hit me right in the gut, and I still haven’t fully gotten over it.

Darius’ story was a reflection of mine in so many ways, and I’m forever grateful that I took the chance and read your book. It was a book that I will probably think about for some time to come. Darius’ struggles with his mental health, with connecting to his culture, and with knowing that he won’t get to see his grandfather again all painted a very realistic portrait of teenage life, and I’m glad that I read the book. Congratulations on your newest book! I hope to hear back from you. It would be awesome to get a ‘letter’ back from an author I admire, and my teacher promised me extra credit points if I got a response back, although I was not expecting this to be done through a tumblr ask.

Sincerely,

Tobie

Hi Tobie,

Thank you so much for your lovely message. I'm so honored you saw yourself in Darius's story, and I hope it was a balm to you through your own rough times. I wrote it for folks who feel like you do—and like I do too, tbh.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather passing away. Mine are both long gone, but I think of them often, especially my Iranian one, who went through so much in his life but, in his later years, was more content than maybe any person I've ever known. He would sit on the porch of my aunt's house (where he lived), looking at the garden and the sunlight, and say "Khaylee khoob" (very good) to himself.

I hope you're taking care of yourself as best you can. And I hope, like Darius, you find the people that love you for who you are.

Yours,

Adib

#darius the great is not okay #ask adib #my emotions

[floral-poisons]

a small vent post about creating

if you come across this post, you can feel free to ignore it. but i kind of need to get this off my chest and i’m posting it on here because i truly believe that what i have to say has value. and maybe this will gain traction, maybe it won’t. who knows.

i haven’t gotten to my drafts in over a month. in truth, i am exhausted. it’s hard to write when your energy is low. but also, part of my disappearing motivation, which kind of disappeared within a snap, is because of how my posts just plummeted.

maybe it’s because the interest in twisted wonderland went away. things come and go in cycles after all. but either way, seeing my posts plummet in numbers suddenly made me not want to create anymore.

it’s really easy to say “create for yourself and the rewards will come.” but in my opinion, every single post i’ve seen about that (and that i have even reblogged) comes from a privileged standpoint.

creating fandom content is work, unpaid work, and often underappreciated and also heavily scrutinized. i was fortunate enough to have the energy to make content and share it to others and even more so to have people take interest in my work.

but it’s extremely disheartening to watch my posts plummet and essentially bomb. and to say “create for yourself and x will come” is privileged because it tells me that your voice has always mattered. it matters to the point where you are fortunate enough to have the patience to wait for the rewards to come.

for me, i’ve been told my voice hasn’t mattered for, essentially, all my life. since i was born. seeing my posts get interactions, seeing people like what i write, comment on it, proves to me my voice does matter. it’s solid, inevitable proof that people appreciate my hard work and a craft i am still attempting to perfect for myself.

the way my spirits just collapsed when i wrote my twst dorms hanfu series and seeing just the lack of interactions. it broke my heart in so many ways. i wanted to write something connected to my culture in a way that is appreciative, in a way that isn’t fetishized and viewed with a skewed lens of racism. the way those posts plummeted told me that my culture and therefore my being didn’t matter anymore. this fandom got its angst and fluff and general writings and left. it’s so easy to tell when readers are only interested in reading if it fits their whiteness.

(of course i can’t even begin to address the fact that my posts do much more poorly in comparison to posts that are tailored to fem! readers alone and the politics behind that)

to say “create for yourself (and only yourself) and the rewards will come” and that validation isn’t necessary just strikes me as so so privileged. some of us writers need, and like, validation because it brings a certain message. our voices matter, our stories matter.

on top of that, i pride myself on my personal beliefs. i grew up in fandom spaces tailored to white readers (specifically white girls/women). those spaces created very real insecurities in myself and only enhanced my self loathing as a person. i want to make stuff that doesn’t just stick to the usual formula. i purposely craft my language to be inclusive. no descriptions of skin tone or outright descriptions of blushing or hair textures or eye colors or height or body shape or anything. and yet my reward for being inclusive? posts that just don’t gain traction.

i don’t just want to create for myself. i want to create for other people to give them the fandom spaces and fics that i didn’t have, let them see themselves in fics that would normally exclude them. and yet, the work is so exhausting. and it feels like creating for myself isn’t enough because what my posts tell me is that my work doesn’t matter. my culture doesn’t matter. my existence and voice don’t matter.

i’m grateful for the followers i have amassed, for the people who interact with my posts regardless of what they are, for the people who appreciate the lengths i go to to create a space for everyone. i can’t write everything sadly. i wish i could. but people in those groups can and their voices deserve to be heard.

i don’t spend much time on here on purpose. i have schoolwork, applications, friends, a life outside of this. getting caught up online only leads to my already poor mental health to being poorer. i am just so busy and my interests also change quite a bit, causing my motivation to decrease in, say, twisted wonderland but increase when it comes to anything related to ghost (the metal band).

this is not supposed to be a post that’s a pity party. i don’t want pity nor comfort. this is also not a call out or anything. just a general observation i’ve personally noticed.

i just want people to listen and to consider the fact that saying things like “create for yourself and x will come” and “you don’t need validation” comes from places of privilege. those places told you your endeavors, personhood, voices, products matter.

be careful about your wording even if it’s meant to be appreciative and you had good intentions.

and algorithms, you fucking suck. probably because whoever coded you was all kinds of -ists and -phobics.

#floral poisons talk #flora vents #tumblr algorithm #twisted wonderland #twst #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #content creation #burnout

[heygutlcss]

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion

@ycllowhaired​ ASKED:  🔥 / west side story obviously

Oh geez. there are SO MANY. between both the movies and the stage production and to be perfectly honest its because i was not simply satisfied witht he new movie in the sense that i watched it, and just needed more and with 60+ years of content spread out between the good and the bad I’ve basically ruined it for myself and I don’t think I’ll be satisfied with one version.

But, If I had to pick one thing, i would say that i hate the new movie’s addition of where the gun came from. Love cool, that scene was so terribly heartbreaking  to watch them play with a loaded gun. But I would say the edition of two new adults defeats the role of adults in this story. They come off as corny and cartoony villain-y. Mike Faist’s suggestion to put his head to the gun was great ( and it wasn’t spontaneous like Kuschner and Spielfberg tell it. Cast interviews, including Mike’s interview clarify that this was something he was talking about and trying to get put in before he scene was even blocked. it was still his idea, just not on the day of shooting.) but the scene doesn’t flow. it feels forced and like shoe horned fanfiction compared to what is left of Laurents’ writing. Adults, in the setting of this story are not helpful agents to move  the story along. They are just as unhelpful, lost, and terrified as the kids are. They propagate the problem by their negligence and their absence. These are young adults and basically kids we are dealing with. I don’t need two goons day drinking in a bar acting all tough trying to sell a gun. What I would have preferred is a deeper look into the Jets paranoia. I would have gotten more shots inside the tenements and filmed Riff and a few of the Jets going down a stairwell frantically ( and trying to hide it from other people who are getting evicted from the building who are  taking their things down to the street in their process of being forced to leave) with the tensions building and their fears being vocalized over a would be ‘fair fight’. The new movie excludes the dialogue that makes it a fair fight as well as a one on one fight. Riff should be trying his best to bring his guys ( the guys who will be present for cool) back to reality that they will be fine. Not only does this conversation give pause as to how Schrank finds out when the rumble will be ( with people going up and down it wouldn’t be hard to hear the jets talking about the rumble) but it shows how things escalate. The scene only needs to stop at a landing and have Riff declare that everything is fine, Tony’s standing with him. One of the jets should ask if he’s sure about that, have someone yell at them to move because their in the way and can’t they see people are trying to clear out, but the door in which that person came out of with his belongs or furniture doesn’t shut behind him and as the camera  moves we should be able to see the gun just sitting out in the open as the Jets make eye contact with it. Then you ca cut to cool. or something like that. the bar scene was just not it for me.

. For cool, i wish there was some of the 61 version’s comradery built up between Tony and Riff prior to this beautiful change because up until this point we don’t have any proof of Riff and Tony being actual former best friends.  We still have Riff defending Tony and bringing the gang back together. ‘61 gives us a Tony who, in theory, was just as horrible and as much of a fighter as Riff was. He built the Jets. its right in the dialogue. What we’re given is the  himbo making that hard to believe. But, within he dialogue we know this as a fact. Tony made the Jets looking for a kick, for a sense of family and acceptance. Tony got bored, and tony quit the jets. We have the makings of a shitty unfeeling person without the carryover to the actual person in the now. the ‘21 version gives us the shitty person with a jail sentence for beating a very real person of color ( of which the film gives you no context for the history of the Egyptian Kings, which is another rant in itself) into a coma and never does anything with that information. We see him be a crappy unfeeling person throughout the entirety of the film and have no foundation as to the nature of the rumble that put him in jail. whereas we see Tony who still genuinely cares about his friendship with Riff, the new version strips them of that friendship but expects you to believe that they are friends. I want Cool to have the impact that it should, but if it wasn’t for  Mike Faist carrying that dance/scene, it wouldn’t have worked.

So the new movie was the first one I saw, so i’m biased towards it. That being said I’m glad I went back and watched the original as i had only seen bits and pieces before from high school in relation to different topics and not as a whole stand alone movie. While the new movie has made leaps and bounds compared to the original I dislike the pacing and the fact that while the new scenes are interesting and well done, the film creates more plot whole and problems by removing a sizable chunk of dialogue and removing certain characters from certain scenes hurts the narrative more than it helps it. i would have like more time with this story and i would have liked more dialogue. If LOTR can have an extended special edition collector’s set, then so should west side story.

Valentina and Anybodys suffer from cut dialogue. it could have been revised to give them more screen time. I wish they weren’t such silent characters.

I could go on further about west side story, but It would get very long. this is jsut a rambly rant for now XD

#ˢᵉᶰᵈ ᵃ ʳᵃᵛᵉᶰ �� ASKS #ycllowhaired

[myxsweetxeverything]

Also I should probably make a tumblr account to talk to you (I stalked you here from your AO3 lol), I feel bad being anon and sending you hella lengthy ass messages like this with nothing to show for it 😂 but yes I adore your fics!! I got back into NIN over quarantine 3 years ago after previously not listening to them since hesitation marks came out and the hyperfixation just never seemed to go away!! Yes 100% the community for NIN RPF is soooo insurmountably tiny however of the very few people we have in this community, many of them seem interested in shipping Trent with M*nson and nothing/nobody else, with no consideration for other dynamics, which isn’t my thing, so coming across your content was LITERALLY a breath of fresh air. Your fics could stand to be a bit longer IMHO but they contain character (not caricatures), facts, and actually interesting plots unlike a lot of other NIN fics I’ve seen.

And man don’t even get me started on the general NIN fandom and its…rigidity and the pressures there are within it to be “perfect” somehow, while also managing to exclude other people and be stone cold af. I’ll always love the music but I left the fandom 2 years ago because of that. It just feels like one big overglorified clique nowadays. It’s funny ‘cause a lot of them act that way because they think it’s how Trent acts or that behavior will win them points with him when like.. that’s how ‘93 trent acted you fucking weirdos, it’s 2023. The best part is they’re doing so to try to meet standards that he himself doesn’t meet and doesn’t care to now that he’s a married father of five. Like the guy met his wife on Twitter, people. He’s on discord. He’s chronically online, just like us. He’s another person like we all are, so please chill tf out for ten seconds.

(and thus concludes my rant lol sorry for tormenting your poor inbox 🤣)

(My inbox is fine, don't worry! I always appreciate being able to talk fics with other people 😊 Besides, you're getting a long ass reply lmao)

I'm very glad you found this blog from AO3! I linked it on my profile and a few of my fics, but sometimes it makes me feel like a bit of a self-promoter, you know?

I had actually gotten into NIN about a year before COVID happened and during quarantine I decided to dive fully into the fandom.

If we can get more people writing NIN fic, that would be great tbh.

I was never into Trent/M*nson, and what actually motivated me to actually write after years and years of wanting to write for any fandom (not just RPF) was that I wanted to see Trent paired with people no one was writing about. At some point I realized that the only way I could read those fics was writing them myself - so I that's what I'm doing right now! And I'm glad that my efforts in doing that have paid off - "breath of fresh" is a wonderful compliment ❤

I do agree with my fics needing to be longer. I'm actually trying to find ways to improve my writing (including actually reading as much as my ADHD brain will allow me), so I'm glad you pointed that out. I might actually rewrite some of my fics in the future with that in mind. There's a reason why I developed the habit of writing very short fics, but I won't get into that here for reasons.

Oh, the NIN fandom...I'm not really going to go into that whole mess because I'll be here forever, but I will say that there are certain types of people, no matter the website, that I just avoid for the sake of my mental health. I'm sorry all that caused you to leave the fandom :( There's some really cool people in the fandom, but you're right that a lot of it is just like a clique.

Honestly Trent had the right idea to quit Twitter for good a few months ago. I'm sure when he deleted his account, the sun shone a little brighter for him once he was finally free.

Again, thank you for the lovely words about my fics ❤ I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it! If you ever do make a Tumblr, come on by! 😊

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

The Hunter discourse is a bit weird to explain, but basically it has to do with him overshadowing a lot of the other supporting characters, and him playing into some white favoritism in the show and fandom.

Ah. I’ve vaguely seen this mentioned in the form of a friend saying that now there’ll be people going into the show thinking Hunter is the main character rather than Luz because people talk about him so much, but nothing too in-depth.

I’m gonna admit that this is coming from someone who hasn’t seen much of the discourse myself, I haven’t been very active in social media fandom spaces a ton lately. (Also side note my personal opinion on Hunter is not important to this post whatsoever but this is not a character bash post, it is a fandom critique one.)

There’s one number I’d like to apply to this whole debate going into it, and that’s the number of character-focused fics. This number is not at all perfect because we don’t really have a reliable tag when it comes to who a story is focused on, but I’ve tried two things.

First of all: what happens if I exclude Luz as a character from Ao3 searches, since she’s the main character and fics that don’t feature her are more likely to actually be focused on the other characters (while especially Gus and Willow tend to just get tacked onto fics if they breathe in them once).

What ends up happening is, we have under 300 fics for Willow left, and Gus has even less than her. He doesn’t actually make the popular characters tag anymore. Hunter, on the other hand, has three times that amount, becoming second most popular character, right after Eda. (For some reason there’s also like 500 fics tagged Emperor Belos, but I feel like that’s probably him being tagged for appearing as a villain in a lot of cases? Though I can’t say for sure.)

The second thing I tried was just excluding Lumity, which painted a pretty similar picture: Hunter was, with almost 1800 fics, still the third most popular character after Luz and Eda, even beating Amity by 500 fics. He has twice the amount Willow and Gus have here.

I’m bringing this up because I’ve seen people say to stop whining because he’s “not as popular as Willow and Gus” because he’s not in as many fics, which may be true objectively, but if you look closer? Not so much. This is also reflected in how unbalanced fan spaces are when you look at Hunter fanart vs. Gus and Willow fanart (or even Edric and Emira fanart vs. Gus and Willow fanart, really).

The fandom as a whole definitely has had the issue for a while that the white characters overshadow the people of color in the cast—the “people who don’t know the show thinking Hunter is the main character”-thing was the same but with Amity a season ago, and there’s in general a lot of imbalance with the amount of attention the white characters get vs. the supporting cast of color, and depressingly at times even the main character of color. There’s so many people who’ve called Willow and Gus boring—and the show definitely isn’t great about it either, considering how much they get sidelined.

Even now that Willow is getting more attention from fans, a bunch of it is in the context of her properly being “shippable” which I have… mixed feelings about, because while I’m happy that that means more Willow content, she’s a super interesting character on her own (Gus too btw) and I wish people were able to appreciate that regardless of her having a potential romantic interest.

Adding to that is how white abusive parents are treated by the fandom compared to flawed parents of color, especially Camila compared to the Blight parents (but also even how Eda, who makes just as many mistakes as Camila and continuously puts Luz in danger especially at the beginning, is portrayed as this flawless perfect parent while Camila is somehow supposedly awful), but also the absurd fact that I’ve at one point gotten a person here that wanted a whole callout post on Willow’s and Gus’s parents after they got in trouble for being expelled, despite that being a very normal reaction from a parent… and the people who continuously call Luz “the Latina” under the guise of not repeating her name in fics while weirdly enough no one is referred to as “the white person”… it’s not good.

This isn’t my first time talking about a bunch of these things, so yeah that the fandom has a racism and white favoritism issue isn’t exactly news, and since Hunter has become super popular compared to other supporting characters that have been around far longer I very much get where that’s coming from and why people are so upset, especially with him being another white character gaining a ton of traction and in parts more than the main character. I was more active seeing this happen with Amity, but I’m not surprised this happening again has people upset.

There’s also the added fact that apparently some of the Hunter fans get incredibly upset at people for not liking him, resorting to actual slurs and hate messages, which, y’all, that’s not okay. It never is. It’s fine for people to dislike a character you like. That doesn’t mean you get to harass them! This shouldn’t even be a conversation we’re having!

I don’t feel comfortable resharing the link to the post I was sent since the OP is problematic in a variety of pretty major ways and I don’t want to add to her platform, but regardless, thank you anon for bringing it to my attention that it’s gotten that bad, I had no idea, Jesus Christ.

Idk if I should actually be that surprised though, considering my first hand experience with people deciding to be awful because I talked about my trauma and the issues I had with the way a character was being handled by the fandom due to this and got some people essentially telling me to get over myself 😬

If anyone following this blog thinks it’s okay to harass someone because they dislike a character you love please get off this blog. To people who are afraid of experiencing this, my advice would be to turn off anon asks because then even if you do get asks that make you uncomfortable at least you can block that person, and people in general tend to be more reluctant to be shitty if they have to put a name to it and can’t hide behind anonymity. I’m sorry to anyone who’s had to deal with that.

#asks #anon #racism tw #white favoritism #harassment tw #eleena rants #toh #the owl house #toh Hunter #Hunter #amity blight #Willow park

[lettheladylead]

Not Your Aunt

Chapter 8: Webby [ao3 link]

It had officially been one week since Goldie first stepped foot in the manor. And she was still there. This was the longest she’d ever spent in Scrooge’s home since his cabin in the Klondike (excluding times when she was sick or injured, of course).

She was pretty sure, by this point, that Scrooge was avoiding her. He’d been spending a lot of time with his daughter (or whatever) and a lot of time at the Money Bin trying to fix the many issues that cropped up over the past few months with his money managers betraying him, but then even the time he did spend at the manor seemed to always involve other people besides her. The only alone time they’d had was right after he crawled into bed, but every single night their conversations were brief and then he’d fall right to sleep.

So she was a little annoyed. She’d had a few conversations with the kids, sat in on a few dinners, harassed Beakley, been harassed by Sharpie...it’d been quite the couple of days. But it was getting late and she couldn’t wait much longer to talk to him about how she was feeling or how he was feeling or where they might want their relationship to go after all of this…

Ugh. Goldie sighed and wandered around the upstairs hallway. She hated thinking about mushy family stuff, but ever since Florida she’d been feeling an unstoppable pull towards the Ducks and she kind of wanted to relax and see what could happen. But if Scrooge couldn’t make any time for her in the next few days, she was definitely leaving and not coming back for at least a year. Love or not, she did not take well to being ignored.

A door ajar in the distance caught Goldie’s attention and she started walking towards it, curiosity being the best cure for her boredom. She wasn’t sure what that room was - Scrooge didn’t redecorate much, but she couldn’t keep track of everything since he collected so much junk and had 50 regular rooms plus another 10 secret rooms and who could remember all of that?

Goldie tried to peek inside, but it was pretty dark except for a small light in the corner. With a shrug, she forwent her usual sneakiness and just fully opened the door to let the light from the hallway light up the room.

She was met with a surprised chirp and two bright eyes staring directly at her.

Goldie stared back, not sure what to make of what she was seeing.

Webbigail was sitting on a table near the back of the room with a giant book on her lap - surrounded by heaps of other similar-looking books. She looked sweaty and grimy, and the whole room was covered in a thick layer of dust.

“...wh-what are you doing here?!” Webby asked, closing the book that was on her lap.

Goldie raised an eyebrow and decided this situation was interesting enough to explore. “I could ask you the same thing,” she said as she took a few steps towards the girl.

Webby frowned and shook her head for a second before wiping her hand across the cover of the book. “I was, um...well...trying to learn some stuff.”

Goldie leaned against the table Webby was sitting on and craned her neck so she could properly see what she was holding. Oh. “In an ancient photo album?”

“Yeah,” Webby said a little sadly. “Uncle S-, er...my dad has been telling me all about our family...well, just more than usual, I guess...but some things still weren’t quite adding up and I thought maybe I could piece things together on my own.”

Goldie raised an eyebrow and stared at the girl without responding.

She didn’t seem to notice. “I’ve always liked connecting things together...before I was told anything about the McDuck Clan or my dad’s life story, I went through all his different biographies and the photos he has around the house and tried to figure it all out myself. And now he’s telling me things that almost, like...conflict with other things he’s said or other things I’ve read about and it’s just getting confusing.”

“Well,” Goldie said quietly, “he is pretty old, you know. Could be he’s just forgetting some things or mixing up stories.”

“But...but he’s Scrooge McDuck!” Webby said with a frown, opening the photo album again. “It’s one thing to forget a few details from a story, but like…” She pointed to a photo of Scrooge’s parents and a very small baby duckling. “The back of this photo says it’s from 1939, but whose baby is that?! Hortense didn’t have kids until the 1980s and Matilda never had kids so is this just some random baby or-”

“That’s Gideon,” the blonde answered, pointing to the way the baby’s hair stuck out at the top. “Scrooge’s half-brother.”

Webby stared at the photo again, then up at Goldie, her mouth wide open in shock. “Wh...wait, so...does that mean one of my grandparents had a baby with someone else while they were still married?”

“Uhh…” Goldie leaned back and scratched her neck. She knew Scrooge didn’t like to talk about his brother much, but she’d met the man a few times so there was no point ignoring the physical similarities. Though the complications of his conception might be why Scrooge didn’t bring him up. “...something like that. Don’t worry about the details too much.”

“Worrying about the details is exactly why I’m here,” Webby mumbled, flipping through a few more pages. She glanced up at Goldie. “You know my family really well, don’t you?”

“Not by choice, but yeah. If you think Scrooge loves to talk about his family now, you wouldn’t believe how he was back in the day. Very talkative.”

“I know the feeling,” Webby said, chuckling a bit to herself. “Lena said I’ve always been a little too obsessed with the McDuck family and now I’ve gotten even worse.”

Goldie felt an unfamiliar twinge in her chest and plopped a hand down on Webby’s head. “If she’s still sticking around, it doesn’t bother her as much as she says it does. Trust me.”

The preteen seemed to think about that, letting out a low hum while she considered Goldie’s words. “Trusting you doesn’t seem like the smart thing to do, but it sounds like you’re talking from experience.”

Goldie removed her hand from Webby’s head and shoved it back in her pocket. “Despite what your granny says, I’m not always lying.”

Webby turned her whole body towards Goldie. “I don’t think you were lying about Gideon either...so...would it be okay if I asked you about other confusing photos from any of these albums?”

Goldie sighed and lifted herself up to sit on the table, too. “You can. I really think you should just ask Scrooge about all this stuff, though. A few memory lapses here and there doesn’t mean he’s going to withhold entire family members from you.”

“I know, I know,” Webby mumbled and held the album against her chest. “I’m just still getting used to all this. I feel like I should know all these people already, y’know? Like...like Elvira Coot, the mother of Quackmore Duck, isn’t related to Scrooge McDuck at all, but they refer to each other as cousins in a lot of old letters. Is it just them being friendly with each other? Or is my research totally and completely wrong?”

“They’ve just known each other for a very long time,” Goldie said matter-of-factly. “Some people call old friends brother or sister, some people call them cousin. Scrooge usually just generally calls everyone his family, but some people get friendly little titles.”

“That’s very confusing.”

“It is what it is,” Goldie bent one of her legs so she could lean on her knee. “Scrooge has always enjoyed being a little confusing.”

“Is that why he likes you? ‘Cause you’re confusing, too?” Webby asked with an innocent tilt of her head.

Goldie rolled her eyes. “Maybe. I’m sure he’s got a long list of reasons why he does or doesn’t like me.”

Webby huffed out a short laugh as she tapped her hands on the open album page. There were photos of a few familiar members of Scrooge’s family and even a baby picture of Donald and Della.

“...you are really confusing,” Webby said, breaking the awkward silence. She didn’t let Goldie interrupt as she continued. “I don’t think I understand you at all. You’ve been here for a whole week so...are you moving in? Or what’s going on?”

“I’m just here to talk to Scrooge.” Goldie grabbed a photo album that was next to her on the table and flipped it open. “He’s been particularly busy this past week so I’m waiting.”

Webby watched her flip through pages and wondered if there were going to be any more secret relatives she didn’t know about in there. “I didn’t think you liked waiting for things.”

“Not a huge fan, no.”

“But you’re still here,” Webby mused. She watched as Goldie stopped flipping pages and stared down at a photo of Hortense and Quackmore, clearly having a fun time on their wedding day. It was a very sweet picture. “Huey says you and Scrooge are gonna get married, too.”

Goldie rolled her eyes and flipped past the wedding photo. “I’m sure he did.”

“If you did get married...would that make you my mom?”

Goldie closed the album and glared down at the girl next to her, annoyed that these kids were so interested in weddings and marriages. “Absolutely not.”

“Why not?” Webby asked, trying not to seem too confused.

“Why would it?” Goldie said with a hand to her forehead. “At the most, I’d be your stepmother, and that’s only in the very unlikely scenario where I say ‘yes’ to Scrooge’s proposal.”

“But this is a hypothetical scenario, so...if you did get married...would I be allowed to call you mom?”

“Ugh.” She knew there was a line here where her crabbiness would start to offend, but Goldie was not enjoying this line of questioning. “Even in this magical, crazy, hypothetical scenario...I would rather you didn’t. If I’m being completely honest, I’m still uncomfortable hearing you call Scrooge ‘Dad’.”

Webby, rather than be offended like Goldie thought, laughed out loud. “You think you’re uncomfortable with it?! I’ve been saying it over and over in my head all week and it still doesn’t sound right!”

Goldie raised an eyebrow at her and Webby froze, clearly surprised at her own outburst, and settled down. “Sorry. I shouldn’t say that. It’s just a little weird still.”

“Why shouldn’t you talk about how weird it is?” Goldie asked genuinely, leaning back on her hands. “If you don’t want to call him ‘Dad’ then you don’t have to.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Webby mumbled, imitating Goldie’s lean. “If I go back to calling him ‘Uncle Scrooge’ then it’s gonna seem like I’m rejecting him or something. That’s too mean. I can’t be mean like that.”

“It’s not mean.” Goldie sighed and turned towards the younger girl. “It’s your life. Call him whatever feels right to you."

Webby leaned her head back to stare up at the ceiling. "I've never had a dad or a mom before so I think I should keep trying for a little longer. It might just feel weird 'cause it's so unfamiliar."

"Or maybe it feels weird because it is weird," Goldie grumbled. "His DNA was stolen and used to create you, sure. So he's your father, but does that really make him your dad?"

The younger girl glared at the ceiling for a moment before turning towards Goldie again. "I don't understand what you mean."

"Being your biological father is significant, obviously. But family is whatever you want it to be." Goldie sighed and stared down at another photo - one of a much younger looking Scrooge. "You can run away from it. You can accept it without question. Or you can just try to figure it out."

Webby watched Goldie's face - trying to read the woman's expression as she stared at the photo. "I think I get that."

"Your grandmother wouldn't appreciate you listening to me, you know."

She smiled. "I know. But it's kind of interesting to get a more...outside perspective. I mean you're not not part of the family, but you weren't a part of all…" Webby waved her hands around for emphasis. "...this stuff."

"I suppose," Goldie said as she put the photo of Scrooge back down. A part of her really wanted to take it, especially knowing that Scrooge never went into this room so he likely hadn't looked at any of these photos in over fifty years. He wouldn't miss it!

"Do you think...um…" Webby stumbled over her words. "...do you think he'd be mad if I started calling him Uncle Scrooge again?"

"No," Goldie answered sternly. "He wouldn't be mad. Especially given everything that's happened with your family lately, I think an opportunity for some normalcy would be appreciated."

Webby flipped to another page in the photo album while Goldie spoke, and her eyes widened as she saw a familiar face in one of the old photos. She looked back up at Goldie and then back down at the photo. "So...if I call him Uncle Scrooge, then I guess I can call you Aunt Goldie, huh?"

Goldie turned to scold Webby for bringing up that nickname that she always knew would come up around these Duck children...when she came face-to-face with a photograph she didn't even know existed. Webby was holding it up dramatically, smiling smugly as she did so.

It was a slightly out-of-focus snapshot of Scrooge and Goldie in wedding attire, at an altar. Pretty clearly getting married.

Goldie quickly snatched it from the girl's hand and turned it around to check if there was a date or any notes. In Scrooge's handwriting it said "1953. Almost felt real."

She blushed a bit and turned it back around. "...I didn't know there were any pictures from this."

"And to think you made such a big deal out of my hypothetical scenario! But you're already married!" Webby looked more smug than she'd looked in a while, clearly ready to announce this news to the whole family.

Goldie frowned, unable to tear her face away from the image. Both her and Scrooge's faces were visible and, despite being at a bit of a distance, she could see just how happy they were at that moment. "...it was a con. A business decision. Not a real marriage."

"So you got an annulment afterwards?"

She laughed. "You think Scrooge would waste money on something like that? No, we just...moved on. I completely forgot it even happened."

"Well, Aunt Goldie, it doesn't look like he's forgotten."

Goldie sighed and pocketed the photo, wondering if she should show it to Scrooge later and shake out some memories. "Clearly he hasn't been in this room for a long time, so I wouldn't assume that."

Webby's excitement died down just a bit as she noticed Goldie's lack of embarrassment. "Isn't this...I mean, I know you say you don't wanna marry him, but you're still here despite everything plus you're already married! You really are Aunt Goldie and I don't get why you'd try to fight it."

The blonde frowned and exhaled loudly through her nostrils, trying to think of the best way to explain how she felt. "You've spent a long time idolizing Scrooge, right? Wanting to be a part of his family and whatnot."

"...yeah?"

"And from what I could tell, you two were getting close over the past few years. You called him Uncle Scrooge, he remembered your name. Yeah?"

"...uh-huh…" Webby had a feeling she knew where this was going.

"But now that this father-daughter thing was suddenly dumped in your lap in such a...such an awful way, really, you're feeling weird about it. Maybe it feels a little hollow, like this is what you wanted but it's not how you wanted it."

Webby frowned deeply - Goldie was completely right, but hearing the words said so casually didn't make her feel better about it.

"...that's what that wedding was for me," Goldie finished, finally connecting the two thoughts together. "I'd...wanted to be closer to him. I thought we were headed there. And then he suggested that plan and how could I say no? He was splitting the money with me 60/40 and I knew I could steal my missing ten percent whenever I felt like it."

"So you wanted to get married, but then you did but for the wrong reasons?"

Goldie sighed and shrugged. "Basically. It was a long time ago. Things change."

"And some things don't change," Webby added, noticing that Goldie was still staring at the photo in her hand. "You've had decades to talk to him about this, so why haven't you?"

"Eh," Goldie answered and stuffed the photo into her pocket. "Adult relationships are complicated."

Webby shook her head. "Not all of them. Just the ones that don't talk to each other."

Goldie glared down at Webby again, but the girl was already flipping pages in the album once more. She wasn't going to whine to a kid about how she was trying to talk to Scrooge but he was just making it difficult. Maybe if she told him she'd spent some time with his kid, he'd finally sit down and talk to her.

"Who's this?" Webby asked suddenly, pointing to another photo.

This one was older - depicting a young Scrooge (maybe nine years old?) with an even younger child that looked very similar to him. Goldie pouted and put a hand to her chin before grabbing the photo and turning it over to see if anything was written on the back.

"Oh, this is Douglas. One of Scrooge's cousins."

"On whose side?" Webby asked curiously.

Goldie shrugged. "Not sure. I know he lived alone in the Netherlands somewhere until he died, but he and Scrooge weren't very close, from what I could tell."

"Oh." Webby looked down at the photo, not really being able to read either child's expression. She supposed photos from the 1870s were rarely as expressive as ones from modern day. "You really know a lot about my family.”

"It's completely useless information taking up valuable space in my brain," Goldie complained with a smirk. "Maybe I'd be fluent in Mandarin if not for Scrooge."

Webby smiled, happy that she was able to recognize Goldie's words as a joke. "Well it's not useless to me. Thanks, Aunt Goldie."

Goldie frowned and rolled her eyes, but that just made Webby smile. She felt like she was starting to understand this woman...just a little bit.

A realization hit her and Webby suddenly gasped before hopping off the table. Goldie watched her with curious surprise. "I need to update my board!" Webby said as she rushed towards the door.

Goldie raised an eyebrow and hopped off the desk to follow. "I have no idea what that means!"

She followed Webby out the door and down the hall, until the girl was back in her own room. Goldie stuck her head inside just in time to see the unveiling of an insane-looking board filled with photos and string and notes and hearts and…

"...is that a locket with my face in it?" Goldie mumbled as she continued into the room. She stared at the locket as Webby ran around looking for something.

As she reached out to grab the strangely unfamiliar locket, Webby was suddenly on a step stool next to her and reaching for it herself. Goldie watched silently as the girl tugged her away from her little grouping of villains (rude) and moved her oh-so-closer to Scrooge.

Goldie blushed the slightest bit as Webby shortened the string, added some little hearts, and slammed a sticky note between them that said MARRIED-ISH!

"There's no way I'm letting you keep that up."

Webby laughed and wagged her finger in Goldie's face. "I'll just put it back when you leave!"

Goldie crossed her arms over her chest. "Then I'll just have to st...hm."

Webby's eyes were sparkling.

"...visit more often."

The correction didn't dull Webby's sparkle, instead she just smiled brighter. "I think everyone would really like that." 

Goldie raised an eyebrow. "Nice try, but I can assure you that your grandmother would sooner attend my funeral than enjoy having me around."

Webby hopped off the step stool. "Then you'll just have to win her over!" she said with a skip as she pushed the stool back to its regular spot.

"Yeah...I don't really see that happening," Goldie mumbled, not objecting when Webby grabbed her hand and tugged her towards the door.

"I think you could be friends! You just have to try!"

Goldie rolled her eyes but still didn't pull her hand out of Webby's grip. "Don't get your hopes up, Pink," she said with a sigh, but there was a little part of her that wondered if getting along with the whole family was even possible. She'd spent so long pushing away from Scrooge and his family and his friends that she'd never really considered what it would be like to actually...try. And she struggled to admit it, but...she wanted to find out.

She squeezed Webby's little hand and stared down at the bouncing bow on her head. Goldie still wasn't anyone's aunt, but...if she had to be, Scrooge's kids would be her first choice.

#ducktales #goldie o'gilt #webby vanderquack #scroldie #not your aunt #fic #fics #this is the final chapter yayayayyayyyy

[sintreaties]

Ririka x Sayaka vs. Kirari x Sayaka

Aight so

RiriSaya 8/20

They are my OTP, and I just love the way Ririka manages to bring out the softness in Sayaka, and Sayaka manages to bring out the more confident parts of Ririka.

Or rather: I like how it happens in my head-canons.

There are two reasons why the rating isn’t higher, even though they’re my favorite couple: 1) they never truly interacted in canon — excluding that first encounter in the council lounge and 2) I can never seem to imagine them together as they grow older.

I expect this to be a very formative and important relationship for them, both have deep and genuine feelings for each other, but once Ririka graduates little by little they both lose interest, or life gets in the way and they can’t fix their relationship.

I still like this pairing though! Perhaps I should try my hand at writing them when they’re slightly older. We’ll see.

Until then, thumbs up 👍

Now KiraSaya gets two ratings lol

KiraSaya (Canon) 7/10

I spoke about KiraSaya’s toxicity in the past and my opinion on the matter hasn’t changed. I dislike the way Sayaka’s personality is mostly all about Kirari, and how the only way Kirari expressing her feelings for her meant making her jump from a fucking tower.

The moon is beautiful all you want, but I remember someone saying that if they weren’t the only lesbian couple, if queer folks had better, healthier rapresentation in the series, not many people would stan them, and I agree.

They get a sufficent rating because I like Kirari’s character too much to give less. I’ve never found the ToD romantic, so that’s a no from me 👎

KiraSaya (Head-Canon) 9/10

Yes, I’m pratically admitting to being delusional, but here’s the thing: I’ve been writing these two for three years.

I’ve worked with them in all the possible sauces, answered all the questions that I could have imagined about their relationship. They’ve died, they’ve gotten married, they’ve done dumb, Kari-level bullshit, they’ve had sex, they’ve hated each other, they’ve had children and they’ve broken up in my stories.

They are toxic to each other, but tweaking a few things, I love that they love each other so much and yet they are so different that they still resent each other, almost, for some of their choices (always in my fics of course). Even through the obstacles, even through the very differences of their nature, they still find a way to stay together. And you’d be surprised to hear that precisely because of that I consider them the most stable couple!

That’s why they get a higher rating than RiriSaya. As a fictional couple, they were able to follow me as I myself grew up through the years, so I got to give them new meanings; while when it comes to RiriSaya they’ve mostly been stuck in the High School setting of OTAP.

Chef’s kiss really 👍

#kakegurui #momobami ririka #momobami kirari #igarashi sayaka #ririsaya #kirasaya #sintreatiesreplies #anon #long post #kakegurui ships

[letteredlettered]

Hello! This is a broad question so it's fine you don't feel like answering. Do you ever get tired of fandom and its culture? I feel like sometimes there's nothing but discourse and arguments and just... it can be quite draining. Just wondered I'd ask you since you've been in a number of fandoms for a long time! I'm sure you've seen it all. Thank you for your time!!!

I think the last time I got tired of fandom was over 12 years ago. At that time, two things were true: 1) I was having some personal problems that meant I didn’t have a job, didn’t feel good about it, and didn’t have a lot of friends that could talk about things I wanted to talk about. 2) Fandom felt a lot more centered; it was easy to build communities and become a part of them. As a result, at that time, fandom was my main support network. Therefore, when certain aspects of fandom became unpleasant, I felt I had very few places to turn to. I eventually got a job, a lot more stable relationships, and several types of community. Fandom also dispersed onto many platforms, making it very hard to rely on fandom for social interaction. I still do get annoyed by some things in fandom, but when that happens, it’s very easy to dip into another corner of fandom that isn’t toxic or to walk away completely.

I will say that having participated in fandom for a long time has also given me a different perspective. Conversations about social justice--racism, misogyny, homophobia, ableism--as well as conversations about porn--what gets written, with which characters, what age and sex those characters are, how they’re treated, how this porn is posted and consumed--are conversations that have cycled through fandom since long before I was in it. I’ve learned a lot from these conversations, but after participating in them for years and listening to them for even longer, there’s not much more I can learn from random people on the internet. The same is true for issues with less of a social justice vibe--feedback culture, ship wars, fest etiquette, anonymous behavior, etc--I’ve seen it all before, and while I think these can be worthwhile conversations, I no longer feel a strong urge to participate all the time. Generally I feel like arguing on the internet has a smaller value for someone like me than listening, having compassion, modifying my behavior when necessary, and doing what I can irl and with my friends.

I have more to say about fandom cliques.

The other aspect of fandom that can grow wearisome, besides the cyclical debates, is the cliquish nature of fandom communities, and the way typical group behavior is exacerbated by the very fact of being online. Who is popular, who they like, what they say, who likes whom, who did what to whom, how everyone reacted to it--all of this can feel super important online in a way it doesn’t to me irl. I’d like to pretend I’m very classy and stay above all this, but that would be a lie. I have often wanted, in my fandom life, to be someone who has hordes of fandom friends, who leaves comments on everything they read, someone who recs with abandon, someone who runs fests, someone who replies to everyone and makes new people feel welcome and develops starter kits and makes memes everyone loves and invents all the fanon everyone uses etc etc.

Alas, my own social reticence prevents me from being that fan. I have tremendous problems with routine or anything that needs to be done regularly. This includes but is not limited to communicating with friends or people that interest me or people whose work I like. Basically, all the people who love me are people who are willing to keep reaching out to me even when I don’t always respond. I try to warn people about this and communicate clearly that it’s something I really struggle with, but it is not conducive to making friends.

Additionally, I have found that I struggle to feel a part of communities--partly because maintaining your status in a community means regularly being a part of it, but partly I have trouble identifying with most people. Fannish people share more of my interests than most people in the world, but even among fans, I often feel left out and excluded, an extra thumb on a hand that does beautiful things without me. These social difficulties isolate me, but they do have the benefit of insulating me. The one time I was almost in the middle of a fight about who wanted to be my fandom friend, I had the fortune to be so far out of the loop that I didn’t really know what the fuck was going on.

Anyways, the result of my personality is such that I mostly tend to look at fandom on the outside. I get pretty sad about this from time to time, but the times I have gotten deep into fandom have not gone particularly well for me. Either I’ve felt that feeling of exclusion I’ve mentioned before, or I noticed that others were being excluded--ie, I was for some reason included in The Popular Clique. This makes me intensely uncomfortable, and I’ve extricated myself in situations where I’ve felt that way. Unfortunately, fandom spaces that allow for cliques are also the places where you really get to know people and build community. As such, I really don’t make fandom friends easily. The few I do have are pretty much lifelong friends that I share a lot with besides fandom. My best friend is from fandom. My girlfriend is from fandom. Most of the friends I go to when I need to talk irl are from fandom. My original novel-writing partner is from fandom. These are the people I tend to talk to when I need to talk about fandom, though it can feel very lonely when I have a new fandom and no friends fall into it with me.

This is a long answer to say--fandom is exhausting if you’re really participating to the hilt, but given that I really mostly just write fics and answer asks, most of the time it’s chill. When I get deep into something I might join a discord or do a twitter, but I burn out of that pretty fast--though I sometimes do make friends that I keep forever after.

#fandom #Anonymous

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?

#fan fiction #fandom reflections #top bottom #ask

[aboveallarescuer]

I know you've gotten anons about the YMBQ prophecy recently but I was wondering in what context could it be obvious for the reader that Daenerys is the YMBQ if Cersei is most likely to die or leave KL once Aegon arrives and not Daenerys. Even if Daenerys takes KL later on wouldn't he technically be the one to take all she holds dear (her power as regent)?

First of all, Anon, I think it’s interesting that you say that Young Griff (rather than Arianne) would take all that Cersei holds dear in this hypothetical scenario (that most people assume will come to pass). asoiaf tumblr fandom loved (loves?) to take for granted that Arianne would be YMBQ (after all, it was/is taken for granted that she would marry Young Griff and become his queen consort) years ago. At the same time, though, I’m not sure if you’re implying that Young Griff might actually be the one to fulfill the YMB(Q) prophecy in this ask. I actually saw this theory before. So I’m going to make counterarguments to this theory first and then address your question about how and when Dany might be revealed as the YMBQ (and if that’s what you were specifically looking for, just skip to the end, though you might be disappointed by the fact that I'm not really providing definitive answers because I have a lot of doubts myself).

In a way, it makes more sense for Young Griff to fulfill the prophecy rather than Arianne. Let’s remember what Cersei wants the most, which is shown in the beginning of her very first chapter:

She dreamt she sat the Iron Throne, high above them all. (AFFC Cersei I)

Unfortunately for Cersei, she can’t ever actually sit the Iron Throne, which is pointed out several times:

Cersei shifted in her seat as he went on, wondering how long she must endure his hectoring. Behind her loomed the Iron Throne, its barbs and blades throwing twisted shadows across the floor. Only the king or his Hand could sit upon the throne itself. Cersei sat by its foot, in a seat of gilded wood piled with crimson cushions. (AFFC Cersei V)

~

Seated on her gold-and-crimson high seat beneath the Iron Throne, Cersei could feel a growing tightness in her neck. (AFFC Cersei VII)

~

Cersei sat beneath the Iron Throne, clad in green silk and golden lace. (AFFC Cersei X)

As the first quote states, only the king or the Hand can sit the Iron Throne, which is what Cersei wants the most, since, to her, it symbolizes almost unlimited power ("high above them all"). Indeed, I would argue that what Cersei holds dear is the chance to reign supreme (“The rule was hers; Cersei did not mean to give it up until Tommen came of age. [...] If Margaery Tyrell thinks to cheat me of my hour in the sun, she had bloody well think again.”), not “her power as regent” (as you put it), which is limited by nature. After all, the king’s wife and mother can’t sit the Iron Throne. This means three things to me:

Queen consorts like Margaery or Arianne (if she actually marries Young Griff, which is far from certain) can’t take all that Cersei holds dear.

Queens claiming power in their own right but who have no claim to the Iron Throne are excluded too. In other words, Asha or QitN!Sansa (another fan theory that’s far from certain and that’s accepted as future canon) can’t take all that Cersei holds dear.

Only a she-king (that is, a queen regnant) with a claim to the Iron Throne can take all that Cersei holds dear - that’s Dany.

But then, we have Young Griff. He is a king with a claim to the Iron Throne, so he could, in theory, take what Cersei holds dear and fulfill the prophecy. However, I find that very unlikely for a number of reasons:

GRRM doesn’t highlight men’s physical appearances or objectify them in the same way that he does with women, as a lot of people have already criticized him for. He makes a point of mentioning women’s accomplishments along with overpraise for their physical appearances (though one might be generous and chalk that up to social commentary about how their society objectifies women instead of giving them their due praise for what they do). He encourages his fans to speculate about who is the YMB(Q) and pit his female characters against each other based on their physical appearances (e.g., people have criticized how Sansa stans often mention the number of times the word “beautiful” appears in Sansa’s chapters to back up their belief that she’s the YMB(Q), but the way GRRM himself wrote the prophecy lends itself to this sort of analysis) because he uses certain tropes uncritically. He portrays fat women negatively in comparison to thin women (see: Cersei (who’s said to be gaining weight throughout AFFC as she becomes more unstable) vs Dany, Lysa vs Cat, Barba Bracken vs Melissa Blackwood, arguably Rhaenyra vs Alicent). He takes an almost voyeuristic pleasure in describing women’s bodies and women having sex with women (see how Dany and Irri’s or Cersei and Taena’s sexual encounters don’t give any depth to Dany’s, Irri’s and Taena’s characters and, as far as I can tell, are mostly written to fetishize them). Consider, for instance, how 13- to 16-year-old Dany is the most sexualized character of the book series, while I’m not even sure if her male counterpart Jon is supposed to be considered attractive or not (on the one hand, he’s attracted women like Ygritte and Val; on the other hand, he’s meant to look a lot like Ned, who’s regarded as plain in appearance, especially in comparison to the hot-blooded Brandon). All of this is to say that I doubt that a man will fulfill a prophecy that remarks upon the person’s physical appearance (“younger and more beautiful”). Considering GRRM’s writing problems, a woman is much more likely to do so.

Young Griff is supposed to represent a lesser version of Dany (note that I’m talking about Young Griff as a fictional character, not as a person). After all, unlike Dany, Young Griff didn’t get to have lived experience of poverty, he didn’t get to have his skills tested, he didn’t get to apply the lessons he learned along the way, he didn’t get to take action and make mistakes and gain valuable experience and wisdom, he didn’t get to choose to stay in Slaver’s Bay solely to help marginalized people who aren’t connected to him by neither blood nor lands (which would emphasize how he doesn’t view his birthright merely as something owed to him, but rather as a means to “protect the ones who can’t protect themselves”). He could have had this sort of character development if GRRM wanted him to, but he has a different role in the narrative: he’s a tertiary character who we’re not meant to know all that much as a person or about how he would fare as king because he serves as a foil to Dany. With all of that in mind, what would be the point of having this minor character, who was introduced in the fifth book of a seven-book series, fulfill this prophecy rather than the one protagonist who the author said was deliberately written as Cersei’s foil multiple times (more on that below)?

Which brings me to a point that @rainhadaenerys made in our upcoming Dany/Cersei meta... Cersei views women with contempt because she thinks that they can only attain political influence with “tears” and with what’s “between [their] legs” (as she tells Sansa). This informs why, for example, she projects the unfounded idea that a widow must have lovers on Margaery or why she herself uses money and sex to keep her men loyal (which ultimately backfires on her). Unfortunately, it’s true that “[Cersei’s] strength relies on her beauty, birth and riches”. Because of her internalized misogyny, Cersei can’t conceive of a woman who might rise to power primarily because of her intelligence and shrewdness… Except that there is a woman who successfully conquered three cities and ruled the third and freed thousands of slaves relying primarily on her actual wit, political savviness and leadership skills rather than on sex, birthright or money… Dany. Dany is the competent, selfless ruler who could overcome many of the patriarchal limitations that Cersei couldn’t (hence why Cersei is a tragic figure). If Young Griff were to be the YMB(Q), he would simply be one of the many men (along with Robert, her brother, her father and the other Hands) who Cersei thinks wronged her and prevented her from staying in power. If Daenerys were to be the YMBQ, she would challenge Cersei’s toxic beliefs about women, which prevented Cersei from even imagining that a she-king might be the one foreshadowed to defeat her or that a woman (that isn’t her, of course) could actually be able to earn her accomplishments (just like she can’t imagine that Jaime might actually betray and kill her). Now, someone might argue that GRRM is not “woke” enough to do this, but I would disagree in this particular case. There are valid critiques to be made about how he wrote his female characters (I’ve made some points myself on the first item), but it’s still true that Dany’s character arc was written with awareness of how her gender affects her experiences. If that hadn’t been the case, AGOT wouldn’t have initially set up several men (Viserys, Rhaego, Drogo) to be claimant to the Iron Throne/SWMTW/the protagonist only to reveal that these roles are actually meant to be fulfilled by Dany, a woman. If that hadn’t been the case, he wouldn’t have had Maester Aemon acknowledge that “no one had ever looked for a girl” when they pondered on who might be AA/PTWP. So I don’t put it past GRRM to make Dany the YMBQ as a way of challenging Cersei’s entire worldview.

Indeed, I actually think that’s likely to be what he’ll write. GRRM has stated multiple times that Dany and Cersei are meant to be compared and contrasted because they were consciously written by him (specially in AFFC/ADWD) as narrative foils:

George regrets that Cersei and Dany will not be contrasted directly. (x)

~

His biggest lament in splitting A Feast for Crows from A Dance with Dragons is the parallels he was drawing between Circe and Daenerys. (x)

~

Cersei and Daenerys are intended as parallel characters --each exploring a different approach to how a woman would rule in a male dominated, medieval-inspired fantasy world. (x)

~

While discussing how he writes his female characters, he also mentioned that splitting the books as he did this time meant we didn't get the parallel between how Danaerys and Cersei both approach the task of leadership, which is a bit of a shame. (x)

~

And that one of the things he regrets losing from the POV split is that he was doing point and counterpoint with the Dany and Cersei scenes--showing how each was ruling in their turn. (x)

I think Young Griff as the YMB(Q) is very, very unlikely. If it’s not Dany, then I think Brienne (who at least is a viewpoint character that we know intimately) as the YMBQ (though I doubt it because she can only take Jaime away from Cersei and, as we saw in AFFC, Cersei was willing to separate herself from Jaime once she realized that he would question and disagree with her decisions and, in her mind, threaten her influence and power, i.e., what she wants the most) or even Cersei herself (the basis of this theory is that a younger Cersei caused her own downfall by making the choices she made. It’s not impossible considering that Cersei’s unreliable viewpoint prevents her from ever taking responsibility for her actions. Still, I think it’s unlikely because she’s been positioned as a passive participant in these prophecies - someone/some people kills her children, some person takes away everything she holds dear, some person murders her. Just like there’s a valonqar to kill Cersei, I think there’ll be a YMBQ to defeat her) are more plausible candidates. However, as I said in previous answers, Dany and Cersei have lots of clearly intended parallels and anti parallels (hence why GRRM mentioned them at least five times publicly) that people don’t often appreciate (but that I don’t want to mention here because I’m saving them for edits and that long meta). I find it hard to believe that GRRM would lay all this groundwork to contrast these two queens only to reveal that a minor character is the actual YMB(Q).

Now, the question about “in what context could it be obvious for the reader that Daenerys is the YMBQ” is difficult because, IMO, I don’t feel like there’s enough information to give you a reliable answer. First, let’s recap the most common theories, which, while I don’t think should be accepted as canon just yet, are popular for logical reasons. Here’s what GRRM said about the future events in the initial outline and interviews:

While the lion of Lannister and the direwolf of Stark snarl and scrap, however, a second and greater threat takes shape across the narrow sea, where the Dothraki horselords mass their barbarian hordes for a great invasion of the Seven Kingdoms, led by the fierce and beautiful Daenerys Stormborn, the last of the Targaryen dragonlords. The Dothraki invasion will be the central story of my second volume, A Dance with Dragons. (x)

~

GRRM: Yes, three more volumes remain. The series could almost be considered as two linked trilogies, although I tend to think of it more as one long story. The next book, A Dance With Dragons, will focus on the return of Daenerys Targaryen to Westeros, and the conflicts that creates. After that comes The Winds of Winter. I have been calling the final volume A Time For Wolves, but I am not happy with that title and will probably change it if I can come up with one that I like better. (x)

~

He said that in his original plan (when he wanted to write a trilogy) the Red Wedding would take place in book one, and Dany’s landing in Westeros in book two. Now he says that Dany’s arrival in Westeros will take place in book 5, A Dance with Dragons. (x)

~

From there he started to plan a trilogy, since there were 3 main conflicts (Starks/Lannisters; Dany; and the Others) it felt it would neatly fit into a trilogy (ah!), but like Tolkien said, the tale grew in the telling. (x)

~

“Well, Tyrion and Dany will intersect, in a way, but for much of the book they’re still apart,” he says. “They both have quite large roles to play here. Tyrion has decided that he actually would like to live, for one thing, which he wasn’t entirely sure of during the last book, and he’s now working toward that end—if he can survive the battle that’s breaking out all around him. And Dany has embraced her heritage as a Targaryen and embraced the Targaryen words. So they’re both coming home.” (x)

GRRM’s words seem to indicate that Dany will go to Dragonstone ("they're both coming home") and then King’s Landing in her campaign to take back the Seven Kingdoms before she goes to the Wall to fight against the Others.

And it is quite possible that she will clash with Young Griff. For one:

Hi, short question. Will we find out more about the Dance of the Dragons in future books?

The first dance or the second?

The second will be the subject of a book. The first will be mentioned from time to time, I'm sure. (x)

For two:

"It is dragons."

"Dragons?" said her mother. "Teora, don't be mad."

"I'm not. They're coming."

"How could you possibly know that?" her sister asked, with a note of scorn in her voice. "One of your little dreams?"

Teora gave a tiny nod, chin trembling. "They were dancing. In my dream. And everywhere the dragons danced the people died." (TWOW Arianne I)

For three:

Glowing like sunset, a red sword was raised in the hand of a blue-eyed king who cast no shadow. A cloth dragon swayed on poles amidst a cheering crowd. From a smoking tower, a great stone beast took wing, breathing shadow fire ... mother of dragons, slayer of lies … (ACOK Daenerys IV)

Now, here are my observations/questions/doubts:

The “cloth dragon” receiving a round of cheers from the crowd seems to indicate that a) Tommen will indeed fall from power when Young Griff (who’s already in Westeros almost ready to attack) invades King’s Landing and that b) Young Griff will inspire love from the population.

The more obvious possibility is that the second dance of dragons refers to a Dany versus Young Griff confrontation, especially since she’s prophesied to slay the lie that he represents (that he’s not Rhaegar Targaryen's son, but actually Illyrio’s son and a Blackfyre). However, since Victarion is currently in Meereen with a dragonbinder, it’s very likely that Dany will lose control of one of her dragons to a Greyjoy (either Victarion or Euron Greyjoy himself) and then will arrive in Westeros with only two of her three dragons. Or maybe Euron will use one of the dragons to attack Young Griff and that will be the second dance (though I find that unlikely since, again, Dany is prophesied to slay Young Griff’s lie). Or the second dance could actually refer to Dany versus Euron.

There are alternative speculations to consider. Right now, the consensus in the Dany fandom seems to be that there’s already too much in Dany’s plate for her (uniting all the khalasars and being hailed as the SWMTW; going back to Meereen; meeting Tyrion, Jorah, Moqorro and other characters; maybe going to Yunkai; going to Volantis; etc) to go to King’s Landing, which led to people assuming that only Cersei and JonCon will be involved in the city’s burning. It’s even theorized that Dany might actually skip King’s Landing and go to the Wall instead. These theories make a lot of sense and aren’t implausible, but it’s hard to reconcile them with GRRM’s initial intention with Dany (though it’s also been argued that he may have given part of her initial role to Young Griff). Additionally, I don’t think timeline issues are necessarily a guarantee of what GRRM will do with Dany. He made Tyrion travel much faster than reasonable back in AGOT to have him meet Catelyn in the inn at the crossroads and to be taken captive by her. So I wouldn't put it past GRRM to do something similar with Dany by having her arrive earlier in King’s Landing than she reasonably would just because he wants it to happen. And, as much as I don’t want it to happen and even though I criticized the theory before, I don’t think it’s impossible (though it’s not guaranteed either) for Dany to be accidentally involved in the burning of King’s Landing (though there is a recent counter-theory to that as well).

Re: Cersei, a lot of people tend to assume that she’s going to die when Young Griff takes King’s Landing, but I am not really sure. I do think that her parallels with Aerys II will pay off and reflect her ending. But that doesn’t prevent Cersei from surviving Young Griff’s invasion and meeting Dany later. Cersei could escape to Casterly Rock and they could meet there. Or Cersei could later attempt to retake the capital again in another impractical plan of hers, which then leads to King’s Landing burning. I don’t know.

Does Dany have to meet everyone to fulfill these prophecies? I’m not sure. Does Dany necessarily need to meet Young Griff and Stannis to slay their lies? Does she necessarily need to meet Cersei so that the readership finds out that she’s the YMBQ? Will there even be an actual moment that makes it “obvious for the reader that Daenerys is the YMBQ”? I don’t know, Anon. It may end up being up for people’s interpretation. Dany might end up burning the Iron Throne, if the theory about her accidentally burning King’s Landing actually happens. Dany might willingly melt the Iron Throne and install a new form of government that gives the smallfolk more political influence. Both of these possibilities could symbolize the end of Cersei’s desire for absolute power, even if Cersei and Dany don’t actually meet. I’m not even sure that there will be a moment that outright reveals that Dany is AA/PTWP/SWMTW (even though, IMO, the foreshadowing is way too overwhelming for it not to be her).

Speculating about Dany being the YMBQ is fun for me because it requires delving into her characterization, her parallels with Cersei and canon material in general. On the other hand, speculating about how this would actually happen is, IMO, less interesting (though I still enjoy reading what other people have to say) because it’s hard to accurately predict future plot points with the current information that we have (and I resent how fandom already accepts so many theories as unpublished canon). Dany has too many places to be and too many things to do and it’s not certain that she’ll be in King’s Landing when it burns (though I tend to think she will for the aforementioned reasons), the second dance of dragons can refer to different confrontations, it’s not certain that Dany needs to meet Cersei (or Young Griff or Stannis) to fulfill all these prophecies and it’s not certain that Dany is going to be explicitly revealed as the person who fulfills all these prophecies. We still have two books worth of plot development, so I really don’t think it’s possible to predict how the actual events will unfold. Sorry about not being able to give more definitive answers... I actually ended up making more questions. But that's kind of the point for now.

#daenerys targaryen #young griff #cersei lannister #asoiaf meta #asoiaf speculation #answered

[alyblacklist]

New interview from Vanity Fair (Italy) with James Spader (in Italian).  Translation via Google translate below (corrections welcome):

Eight years after its debut, the TV series with Megan Boone and James Spader is back on FoxCrime. Already renewed for a ninth season, the show won't provide any representation of the Coronavirus or American politics. "We are an escape from reality and we want to remain so." 

"In eight years, not a single episode has gone far and wide." The voice of James Spader, on the last Friday in the red zone, peeps out from a distant space, from an America in rebirth, whose present enthusiasm has not found any representation in the television series of which he is the protagonist. Spader, The Blacklist's Raymond Reddington, has strenuously opposed the possibility of contaminating one's fictional universe with the dross of the present. "Our show has always existed within a parallel world. Over the years, we have never bothered to plot a plot that had to do with real life, with newspaper headlines and news stories ». The Blacklist, whose eighth season is set to debut on FoxCrime on prime time on February 12, "has defined a universe of its own, to which it has remained faithful." Therefore, no Joe Biden, in the twenty-two new episodes of the television series. No pandemic. 

The Blacklist, on air since 2013, will only find the characters who have made it a cult. Raymond Reddington, a repentant criminal whose decision to cooperate with the police is not the daughter, alone, of a sudden goodness of heart; Elizabeth Keen, special agent responsible for following his confessions; Donald Ressler, Harold Cooper, the set of FBI agents and gangsters whose "Red" is determined to secure a future behind bars. 

Many television series usually set in fictional universes have, however, decided to make an exception and give their own representation of the pandemic. Why this categorical "no"? 

“For a few, but effective reasons. I think one of the strengths of our show has always been its verisimilitude. The Blacklist is a parallel universe, in which credible characters live. This allowed the audience to find an escape from reality in the series. I think many viewers watch The Blacklist because it allows them to detach themselves from the problems related to everyday life, and this has led us to exclude the pandemic over everything ». 

However, you will have had to face the restrictions that the Coronavirus has brought with it. 

"Absolutely. We had to deal with many restrictions, we had to limit the number of people present in a given location. But, net of the difficulties and the productive effort that required us, I think I can say that a magnificent job has been done ». 

Work that will continue: The Blacklist has already been confirmed for a ninth season. What still remains to be told? 

"Much. It may seem absurd, but in eight years we have never found ourselves beating around the bush. No episode, in the eight seasons, was thought of as a filler. I remember one day talking to Jon Bokenkamp, ​​the director. He had a twenty-minute longer bet on his hands. We tried to figure out how to cut it, which unnecessary scenes to eliminate. In the end, it was twenty minutes longer than it should have ”. 

Aren't you bored playing the same character for eight years? 

"No. On the set of The Blacklist, I've never had a mediocre or mundane day. The series has always been very exciting and the very idea of ​​moving forward excites me. There are many surprises in this new season. There are more for the public than for me. The writers and I talked for a long time about what we were going to do, so nothing could surprise me once shooting started ». 

And this would lead us to think of a certain repetitiveness ... 

“It would induce, though. When I play the part of Red I'm not surprised by the story we're telling, but by the world we're making it in. ' 

 Explain. 

"One of the great entertainments of being an actor is being able to be surprised by your reactions: there is amazement in the physical and emotional responses that are given in certain situations. There is some wonder in seeing a location for the first time. There is growth in looking at a problem or a fact from a new perspective. The surprise, when you are an actor, is not about where you get to on the show, it's about the little things, the details, even personal, that we discover as we go on ». 

So what has Raymond Reddington left you over these eight seasons? 

"From the beginning, what I loved most about Red was his irreverence, his sense of humor. I discovered and learned to love his pervasive and profound longing for life ». His character is highly ambivalent. 

Has he really never despised him? 

“I don't usually make judgments about my characters. I have a deep understanding of everything Raymond stands for. Rather, I'd say there are things about Red that Red doesn't like: his brutality and the danger he poses to others, for example. But I think Red is aware of the qualities that make him strong and able to survive the worst circumstances in life. He saw the tremendous price of loss and witnessed it. He feels how bad death does. This led him to strongly desire sweetness, calm, love. He is a dichotomous character, and it is this ambivalence of him that has made him so interesting ».

 He often talks about his collaboration with the writers. What exactly does it consist of? 

«In a real collaboration. Let's talk about everything that has to do with the show. We talk before the writing of the scripts, during the shoot. Let's talk about the new entries and the possible suppression of some characters. We are talking about subplots that can last years, months or days. Let's talk about the tone of the show, the dialogues. We talk during the holidays. This series keeps me awake at night ». 

 And do you think it's a good thing? 

“Let's just say I've always had trouble sleeping. When I wake up, my mind begins to travel fast. I tend to be an obsessive compulsive person, so I often stay up at night shaping ideas about The Blacklist. It happens that I waste hours trying to remember them, so as to put them on paper the following morning ». 

Elizabeth Keen, the special agent played by Megan Boone, is one of the strongest female characters on television. How do you judge the change that Hollywood is aiming for, the progressive abandonment of gender roles? 

«I find it fundamental. For me, as a man and actor, it always has been. I have always felt more comfortable in the company of women. I grew up with a female majority in the house, a terrific mother and two older sisters. I've always been attracted to strong female characters and the ones I've met in my films have been. I've always looked at the world from a female perspective, and I can't imagine doing otherwise. I understand, however, that it took the industry some time to get here. Today, I feel like saying that it is only a matter of time for the real and definitive change to be achieved ». 

 Digital has imposed a decidedly sustained production rate, even on linear television. Do you find such trouble to be good? 

«I state that I, on the other hand, have never felt in competition with digital or Netflix. Netflix aired The Blacklist, creating added value for all of us. Streaming brought us audiences, and it was great. In general, I'm happy to have the huge amount of programs we have now. Competition is a good thing, it leads to excellence, it spurs commitment ". 

 Cinema, television, theater. In his career he has done everything. Which medium did you prefer? 

“On television, I found a greater opportunity for further study. The Blacklist is the second TV show I work on, and has been running for over 150 episodes. My first character I played in The Practice, then in Boston Legal. Either way, I found it fascinating to see how it evolved, not in history, but over time. My TV characters have aged with me, and I with them. I think it's the best thing about working on television ».

Nothing bad then?

“You wake you up in the morning.When I started acting, I found myself working on the stage.It was a night job, and I've always been a night person, not a morning person.So when I found myself making films, I always tried to play characters who lived at night. What, this, that I managed, if you notice. It was television that forced me to turn. TV is a day job, which starts very early in the morning. It was a shock.I haven't gotten used to the sound of the alarm yet. '

#the blacklist #james spader #interview #raymond reddington

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Two

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: im so sorry i know i need to start editing these

***

Nesta stands in her guest room at Cassian’s cabin, hands on her hips as she eyes the garbage bags full of things she managed to salvage from her old apartment. 

All of her rain-soaked clothes sit in two huge bags, waiting to go through the laundry, while her books are carefully spread out on the windowsill, floor, and anywhere they can catch enough sunlight to dry their pages. Nesta almost cried when she saw that Lorene had salvaged her few adult coloring books and the art supplies to go with them, still dry. 

For a brief moment, she’s glad she didn’t buy any physical copies of her textbooks this year— the loss of that money would be too much to bear.

A brief knock sounds at her door, and Nesta spins to find Cassian standing there, laundry basket in hand. “I can take your clothes down for you if you want,” he offers, lifting his own basket with a hand. 

Nesta’s lips tighten. He wants to do her laundry with his. Their laundry will get cleaned together. Her underwear will get tangled up with his. 

Cassian’s brow furrows. “Nesta?”

This is her new reality now. She’ll have to accept it at one point or another. 

“We can do separate loads if you want,” Cassian adds. “Feyre told me you— well, she said you might be more uncomfortable with some things than others. It’s totally fine if you don’t want your clothes mixing—”

“No.” Nesta finally snaps out of it. “I don’t care about the laundry. My clothes are right here.”

 Because she has a sneaking suspicion she might be being unintentionally bitchy again, Nesta helps Cassian drag her bags of drenched clothes downstairs. 

“I feel sort of bad for bullying you into this deal,” Cassian rambles as he dumps clothes into the washer. “Which is why I need you to know you can enforce whatever rules and boundaries you want while you’re here. If you’d prefer I never speak to you for the rest of your time here, I can manage that, too.”

Nesta looks at him with a hint of disbelief. Sometimes he says the oddest things. “I don’t want you to never speak to me again.”

There’s relief in his sagging shoulders. “That’s good,” he says as he pours out detergent. “I mean, I was a little worried you were against this so much because you hated me, but you don’t know me enough to hate me, do you?”

Hate. Nesta rolls the word over her tongue, tastes the hard corners of it, and decides it doesn’t fit for Cassian. Not even close. She wonders how to articulate this to Cassian.

She settles on: “You seem nice enough. Obviously, since you’re letting me live in your luxury mountain cabin for free. But I don’t want to set any boundaries while I’m here. You shouldn’t have to change your normal lifestyle just for a guest. Do whatever you want; it’s your place.”

Cassian presses a button and the rumble of the washing machine begins. “I want you to be comfortable,” he says, turning to face her completely. “Whatever you need, Nesta, seriously.”

For starters, it would make Nesta comfortable if he didn’t say her name like that. His earnestness makes her skin itch, but she’s not going to tell him that. 

Instead, she bravely lifts her chin. “I’ve been pushed so far out of my comfort zone that I don’t think I know how to find my way back.” The honest truth. “At this point, you might as well keep me out here.”

Cassian’s eyes narrow. “If you don’t tell me what things bother you, I’ll have to find them out for myself, you know.” It sounds like a challenge.

“Go ahead,” Nesta deadpans. She doesn’t know what Feyre’s told him about her, but contrary to popular belief, Nesta isn’t a glass doll. Sensitive, high maintenance, yes, but fragile? Never.

She turns on her heel and leaves Cassian in the laundry room, determined not to let her circumstances get the better of her while she stays here.

***

Cassian takes everything back. He’s obsessed. 

He can’t pinpoint the exact moment, how or when or why he decided he likes Nesta. Maybe it was an amalgamation of different things, but by the time she settles onto his living room couch with a box of takeout Thai food, it’s safe to say he’s fascinated.

She’s nothing like how Feyre talks about her. She’s barely anything like the woman he met at the dinner party two years ago. The problem is, Cassian hasn’t pinpointed what she’s like. There’s still too many walls in place, but here, as she slurps noodles unabashedly while watching TV with an intense fixation, she’s softer than he’s ever seen her. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t feel the need to defend herself to a sitcom; there’s no self-consciousness, only a deep focus on the Community episode they’re currently watching.

Cassian splits his focus between offering commentary in an attempt to make Nesta laugh and observing her reactions from the corner of his eyes. A few things he’s noticed so far: 1) Her cheeks bulge like a squirrel’s when they’re full of food; she seems to have no shame about this. 2) She isn’t inclined to respond to Cassian when he makes comments on the show, but the corners of her mouth tilting up imply that she likes it anyway. 3) She watches sitcoms like she’s studying for a final exam about them. 

When the episode finally ends, she turns to him and glances at his hands. “Are you going to eat that?” she says. 

Cassian glances down at his untouched container of food, a little surprised, but hands it over to her without a fight. He can’t pretend it doesn’t do something to him to see her eyes light up over something as simple as curry and rice. 

Nesta’s poking her chopsticks around the box when she notices Cassian watching. “What?” she says, immediately on the defensive.

“You eat funny,” he admits. Her brows furrow so deeply he thinks they might create a permanent indentation. He’s quick to add, “It’s adorable. Seriously.” It isn’t something he would have said yesterday, but he’s taking Nesta’s words from the laundry room to heart. He won’t put a damper on his personality as long as she can handle it. 

Her hand comes up to self-consciously touch her cheek, but she quickly drops it. “Play the next episode,” she says as she picks up her chopsticks again, and that’s the end of that.

***

Cassian wastes no time coming up with ways to push Nesta out of her comfort zone, just as he promised. The next morning, he greets her downstairs in nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Nesta takes a long, slow blink at his bare torso, muscled arms, and brown skin, and turns around to get started on making breakfast. It’s not good enough— he catches a glimpse of her reddened cheeks when she reaches for the milk container anyway.

It’s only until they’re both settled in the living room after dinner that he realizes he doesn’t have the upper hand he thought he did. 

Nesta is stretched out on her stomach on the Persian rug in an oversized tee and nothing else. Her bare legs swing in the air behind her, and she’s listening to music and coloring. 

Cassian’s unanswered emails sit abandoned on the phone in his lap. He truly can’t stop staring; there’s just too much to absorb.

For starters, she wears glasses. Big, round, gold-rimmed glasses that are almost slipping off her nose at the moment. That revelation alone is so affecting that he has to quickly move on to other, smaller details. Like the sound of her uncapping different markers and filling in smooth lines on the page before her. Cassian feels a desperate desire to see what she’s coloring. Her hair is up in a ponytail, and her legs…

Cassian can’t say that ever since he first took notice of the beauty mark at the corner of Nesta’s lush mouth that he hasn’t wondered where else on her body she might be hiding little moles and freckles. He just never expected to get an answer so soon. Because right there, where her shirt rumples up to reveal her bare thigh, is the smallest dark spot. 

He wants to put his mouth on it. 

His own thoughts take him by surprise, and he realizes he’s gripping his phone so hard the screen might crack. 

He uncurls his fingers from the phone and squeezes his eyes shut against the wave of desire crashing into him. Desire and something else, something achingly fond and frustrated at the same time.

“Cassian?” The sound of his name has his eyes snapping open. Nesta’s watching him, brow furrowed. “Are you feeling okay?” she asks.

He feels stupid for trying to play this push-and-pull game with Nesta, because it’s barely even started and he’s already losing. “I’m gonna go put a shirt on,” he mutters, moving to get up.

Nesta’s lips turn down a little. “And ruin the view?” She says it completely seriously, not a hint of slyness to her words.

Cassian’s ass falls back into his seat in pure surprise. His eyes widen. “Was that a joke?” Did Nesta Archeron just make a joke?

Her frown turns deeper. “I don’t think so. Was it funny?”

“It was teasing.”

“Then it wasn’t a joke.” She shrugs and returns back to her coloring. “If you put a shirt on, I’m putting my pants on,” she says without looking up. 

Cassian has absolutely no idea what he’s gotten himself into. But he doesn’t move from the couch for the rest of the evening. 

***

By the end of the weekend, Nesta has gotten the hang of being around Cassian. There are several occasions in those first couple of days— slips of the tongue, really— where she pauses in trepidation, worried she’s said or done too much. She is always doing too much. But then Cassian grins, or laughs, or as of more often lately, teases her right back, and her muscles can relax again. 

He has also relaxed around her. Nesta knows that quiet front he put up when they first met was partly for her benefit, because the more comfortable they become with each other, the more he reminds her of the Cassian Feyre’s always talking about. And yet, the person he is with her is nothing like the person she’s seen hanging around Feyre’s inner circle. This person doesn’t make her feel excluded or ignored. It’s the exact opposite— she hasn’t been on the receiving end of this much male attention since Tomas. 

And as much as it surprises her to like it so much, she’s not in the mood for his particular brand of teasing at seven in the morning on a Monday. 

She stumbles into the kitchen fully dressed and more than a bit disgruntled, needing the strongest cup of coffee available to get through her morning classes today. Cassian is already sitting at the island with his laptop, and raises his brows to see her up this early. He dares to smile at her before the sun is even fully up. “Glad to see you woke up ready to play, Nesta.” 

Nesta almost throws her empty mug at his head. “Don’t talk to me,” she says, thumping her mug down beside the coffeemaker. 

Taunting becomes questioning as he eyes her outfit. “You have somewhere to be at this hour?”

“I’m a law student,” she grumbles, punching buttons on the coffeemaker. “I have morning classes three days a week.” It’s unacceptable, but it isn’t the worst thing she’ll go through as she tries to get her J.D.

Cassian sits up straight at that. “Who’s taking you to class?” Her car is still in for repairs, and she has yet to rent one to make up for it.

“I’m Ubering,” she tosses over her shoulder.

“That’s ridiculous,” Cassian says. “I’ll drive you.”

Nesta spins around at that. “No way in hell.” She throws whatever bite she has into her refusal. 

Cassian is unfazed. “It’s on my way to work.”

“You work from home.” He’s not even dressed.

“Then today is the day I’ll make a stop at corporate headquarters. My subordinates get to see my pretty face for once, you get to go to class, and we all win.” He grins, and in this moment Nesta truly hates his grin. It lights up his whole face in a way that should be illegal. He’s probably robbed banks with that grin. 

Nesta doesn’t have the brain capacity to argue with him. She doesn’t even feel like criticizing the fact that at twenty-seven, Cassian runs the entire security division of Night Court Inc. thanks to the help of the CEO, also known as his adoptive brother.

She’s never met anyone who makes nepotism look so good.

Grabbing her steaming coffee mug and taking a deep sip, unflinching at the feeling of her tastebuds being burned away, she meets Cassian’s expectant gaze. “Get dressed.”

***

When Cassian texts to ask her when she’s getting out of class, she doesn’t expect him to actually show up outside the law building with drinks and a paper bag of food. She has to stop and glance around for a moment, as if he could possibly be here for somebody else. 

Approaching him cautiously, Nesta takes the cup holder from his hand and inspects the contents. A green tea and a rainbow-colored slushie. She looks back up at Cassian, and he smiles. “Shall we?”

They end up settling under the shade of an oak tree on the lawn outside where her Principles of International Law class is held. “So how was your day?” Cassian asks as he bites into a burrito. 

Nesta can’t remember the last time someone asked her that and sounded genuine about it, and she almost doesn't know how to answer. “It's noon,” she says.

“Fine. How was your last four hours?”

“Nothing more interesting than yours.” She eyes his outfit at that. She’s never seen Cassian in this manner. Work Cassian wears expensive buttondowns tucked into slacks. Work Cassian must use some kind of fancy product on his hair to make it so flowy, because for the first time ever, he looks exactly like the amount of money he makes. “You look so...adult. I’d almost buy it if you didn't have the taste palate of a five year old.” Nesta sips from her tea.

He actually rolls his eyes at her. “You wish you had what it takes to handle an every-flavor-slushie.” Because that's what he’s drinking, a heart attack in a 32 ounce cup. 

“That's bait, and I’m not falling for it,” Nesta says through a mouthful of burrito. 

“You don't need to.” He offers the drink out to her. “Try it.” 

Nesta stares at the cup, chewing slowly. Usually the thought of sharing a straw with someone would disgust her, but— 

She just wants to know how it tastes. Swallowing quickly, she grabs the drink. “Whatever,” she mutters, and wraps her lips around the red straw. 

Cassian watches intently as she takes a deep pull. Ten different flavors hit her tongue at once, and she thinks her brain spasms. She's too tough to make a face, and swallows the slushie like it's nothing.

“You like?” Cassian looks hopeful.

Nesta slams the cup down. “It’s disgusting. My point was proven.”

He laughs. “Weak.”

More easy moments pass like this before he says, “I wish you came around Feyre’s more often. I could have gotten to know you earlier.”

Nesta stills, food halfway to her mouth. “What do you mean?”

Cassian shrugs. “It just seems odd that we’ve talked more in the last three days than in the last three years I’ve known of you. Why don’t you hang out with Feyre like Elain does?”

She stiffens, and considers whether the conversation is even worth continuing. “Feyre’s always with you guys,” she chooses her words carefully. “There’s rarely time left for me.”

She waits for Cassian to tell her that sharing exists, and that she’s allowed to be at Feyre’s place with Feyre’s friends at the same time, but he just watches her patiently. Waiting for her to go on. 

“Besides, I used to come over all the time before my sister moved to Velaris. You were there, too.”

“I was?” That gets his attention; he drops his food and turns to face her fully. “What are you talking about?”

Nesta nods, but an odd, old feeling is bubbling up in her chest. It tastes hard and a little sad. “I doubt you noticed, but I was there. In the background while you guys got drunk or laughed together.”

He huffs an odd sort of laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous. I would have noticed you from a hundred foot radius from Feyre’s apartment. We’ve only seen each other twice before this weekend.”

Nesta is caught between disbelief and disappointment, but she hides it well with a scoff. “We’ve only spoken to each other twice, idiot. I’ve seen you plenty of times.”

Cassian looks like she just came up to him with scientific evidence that the sky is green and grass is blue, and he can’t wrap his mind around it. “That just doesn’t make sense,” he says.

Nesta raises a brow. “Are you implying I’m lying?”

He shakes his head quickly. “No, but— it’s like you’re saying I failed to notice a fucking lion in the room every time I didn’t see you. It’s just not something someone fails to notice. It’s impossible not to notice!” He throws his hands up.

You’re impossible not to notice. Nesta has no idea what to make of that, or whether she should be insulted or not. He didn’t say it with the same backhanded tone as so many of the people she knew in high school, but it didn’t sound like high praise, either. On the other hand, the words are so ironic they’re almost funny.

She settles for a shrug and begins sweeping up her napkins and trash. “Well, it isn’t impossible for a lot of people.” The look she throws him says clear enough, Including you.

He works his jaw, seeming upset, but helps Nesta up from the ground anyway. Walks her all the way back to his truck in near-silence and drives them home.

A/N: you’d think the ‘ready to play’ line was a cute reference but i actually just suck at writing banter so i needed to borrow from sarah.

tagging: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @sensitiveillyrian @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy

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#nessian #nessian fic #ncssianwrites #nesta archeron #cassian #a favor

[annabethy]

under the mistletoe, watching the fire glow day 10: pen pal

Character A and Character B both sign up for a Christmas Pen Pal project to exchange post cards,, percabeth. not just letters I promise

01/04/2008

Hi! My name’s A, and I’m eight years old. Well, my name isn’t actually A, but I don’t know you yet so I can’t tell you my real name. I don’t know your name, and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.

I don’t know why I’m doing this whole pen pal thing. I just thought it would be fun, but I don’t really know what to expect either. I guess I should tell you a little bit about myself.

My favorite color is grey, like my eyes. I like to read a lot too. I don’t have many friends, but that’s just because I don’t like talking to people. They start to talk, and it makes me feel like I want to hit them, so I prefer to just be by myself. I wouldn’t mind being your friend, though. I don’t have to hear you talk.

Hope I get your response soon! Goodbye until then!

Love, A.

,,

01/27/2008

Dear A,

I guess you can call me P then. I’m eight years old too, so that’s cool! We’re practically best friends already. I’m doing the pen pal thing because my teacher says I should practice writing. I’m not very good at writing, but I promiss prommis promise I’ll get better for you!

I like to swim. The water is cold where I live, but I still go in anyways. My mom says I’ll get hypothermia, but I do it anyways because it’s fun. I wonder if you like the water too? You’re crazy if you don’t, but it’s okay. I’ll be your friend anyways. I have one friend, but I don’t really like them very much. They’re mean to me a lot. You seem much nicer.

I’m so excited to get to talk to you!

From P :)

,,

05/07/2012

Hey, P! It’s been a couple of months since we spoke. I’ve missed my mystery-stranger-pen-pal-person. Hope you’re doing well.

Honestly, not much has happened with me. It’s the end of sixth grade, thank god. I actually hate all of my teachers. Especially the history one. She makes something that could be so interesting so dull, and it’s upsetting. There’s so much to tell about the past, and she’s ruining it. I’d consider saying something to her, but you know how it is.

I’ll just complain to you instead ;)

I remember you said you were applying to the swim team, and I think that’s so exciting! I know the try-outs passed, so let me know if you got in! (and if you didn’t, don’t worry about it. You don’t need to explain it to me if you don’t want to.)

Anyways, eagerly awaiting your response (but not that eagerly. It’ll be a couple of weeks, if not more.)

Love, A.

,,

05/20/2012

A! I’m insulted that you would think I didn’t make it onto the swim team. I am one with the fish. I am living my dream of swimming around the water like a turtle. It’s been pretty fun actually, except for when I ran into a wall and nearly bust my head open months ago. We don’t like to speak of that moment.

And yes, your history teacher is absolutely bizzare bizarre. I’m not the best with grades and spelling (clearly. I mean, look at my spelling of “bizarre”) but history is one of my better subjects, surprisingly. I think that it’s because the past is so important. My mom always likes to tell me that without the past, we wouldn’t learn for the future, so I try to pay attention to that class. I’m sorry you don’t like it :(

I really missed talking to you too. I don’t even know your name (cue frown), but I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. A person I can talk to when there’s no one else.

You’re my best friend (though I do love the term “mystery-stranger-pen-pal person).

Sincerely, P.

,,

10/7/2016

P! Get ready for my rant because I’m about to go off, and you’re going to listen.

People always say that you lose friends sophomore year. I didn’t think that was true. BOY, was I wrong. I’ve lost, like, twenty friends. I thought I’d be more upset about it, but honestly, I’m relieved. They always made me feel excluded, and without them, I’m not going home near tears every day.

I did meet a guy. His name is Luke, and he’s a junior. We’re not dating, but I wouldn’t mind it if we did. Not that I think it’ll ever happen because I’m too focused on school, but it would be nice to at least be friends. He’s really nice.

Also! The last letter was two months ago (?) and you said your school placed second in the state competition! Does that mean you’re going to nationals?

If you are, I am so proud of you. You seriously have to let me know how that goes.

Until next time.

Love, A.

,,

10/27/2016

A, my love!

As your best friend, I am obligated to say that you must not let the man be an obstacle to your schoolwork. I say this because I want you to do well. (Also because I’m in love with you)

Really though, I’m happy for you. I hope everything works out and you’re happy. That’s all that matters.

As for the sophomore thing, I felt that. I’ve never had all that many friends, but a lot of them changed. Change isn’t a bad thing I guess, but I wasn’t willing to stick around for them destroying themselves, so I didn’t. I’m always here if you need me.

(And I did place at states! Nationals was actually a few weeks ago! I didn’t place there, but I apparently got pretty close, which is awesome)

Love, P.

,,

04/03/2017

A! It’s been a while. I haven’t heard from you since October, and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Is that weird? I don’t know you but I’m checking in?

Oh well. I just really missed you. Not much has happened. Just wanted to say hi. Hope all is well.

Love, P.

,,

12/25/2017

A! Babes! Where are you? I’ve sent a few letters but haven’t gotten any responses. You’re kind of scaring me haha. Is it something I said?

I totally get if you don’t want to do this anymore, but just let me know please? I’m checking the mail every day and I keep getting more and more worried, so… Just let me know, please.

I miss you.

Love, P.

,,

06/01/2018

Dear A,

You never responded to any of my last letter. I get the feeling you’re not going to respond anymore, so I guess this is my last letter.

I graduated. Finally. It was a struggle, but I managed to bring my grades up. I even got accepted to a pretty good school. It’s not Ivy League, like I’m sure you got into. You’ve always been so smart.

I’m going to school in New York. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that in any of the 126 letters we’ve sent. I counted.

Anyways, I just really miss you. I hope you’re okay, and I really wish you the best.

My name’s Percy by the way.

Love, Percy.

,,

12/24/2023

Percy jumps as his girlfriend wraps her arms around his shoulder and nips at his ear. He turns and gives her a playful look.

“You want to take me to the ground?” he asks.

Annabeth rolls her eyes, sliding her hand into his. She feels really warm, even in the cold air outside of Rockefeller Center. “I’m not that heavy.”

“What if I told you you’re wrong?”

“You would get no more kisses for today.”

“Oh, we can’t have that.” Percy’s arms slide to wrap around her waist and tug her closer to his. She doesn’t resist, hugging him back. Percy nudges her jaw with his nose until she turns her face up so he can kiss her. “You’re not heavy at all. Super light, actually.”

She hums, kissing him again. “Good answer.”

Percy laughs, letting him detangle himself from her. His hand goes back to hers, and they begin walking around the plaza, taking in the beautiful decorations. It’s really pretty outside. He’s always had a thing for Christmas and its sparkling lights. He loves the smell of the pine trees and the feel of the light snowflakes against his face.

Annabeth swings her hands between them, and he thinks she looks so cute with her hair down in the cold and nose turned red that he can’t help but kiss her on the cheek.

Percy catches sight of a large sign at a random booth sitting along the edge of one of the buildings. It’s decorated horribly in the most adorable way — no doubt done by children. It’s what it reads that really makes him doubletake.

He just barely manages to make out the words, Christmas Pen Pal Exchange.

It makes his heart ache. He hasn’t heard from A since sophomore year of high school when he was sixteen. He’s twenty-three now. He can’t believe it’s this close to ten years since he heard from her.

He misses her so much. It’s not that he necessarily needed her because he has Annabeth, and he wouldn’t trade that for the world. He’s in love with Annabeth. He thinks he’s going to marry her someday.

A helped him get through difficult times. He wishes he could at least know that she was okay, or why she stopped talking to him. He doesn’t care why it happened anymore. He just wants to know, and to tell her things he was always too scared to say.

Annabeth bumps his shoulder as they pass the booth. “You okay?”

Percy swallows the small lump in his throat that formed. “I’m okay.”

“You sure? You look like you’re about to cry.”

A part of Percy doesn’t want to tell her. He wants to keep it to himself because he has for so long. What he and A had was different.

The other part, and the bigger part, does want to tell Annabeth. He loves her and wants her to know every piece of him. Annabeth is Percy’s best friend now, and there’s no reason for him to keep something like this for her.

“It’s just.” Percy pauses, looking over his shoulder at the booth. “I did one of those when I was young.”

He expects her to tease him, so he’s surprised when she says, “I did too.”

Percy looks at her. “You did?”

“Yeah. I was eight, I think.”

Percy breaks into a smile. “So you were that kid with no friends in elementary.”

“Okay, mister, you wrote them too.”

“That’s how I know you were a loser back then. I was too.”

“A match made in heaven,” she says, wrapping herself in his arms to block the wind that’s begun to blow harder. “Do you still talk to them?”

“Not anymore,” he admits. “We just stopped talking.”

“Aw. Why?”

Percy breathes deeply. “I’m honestly not sure. She just stopped talking to me.”

“What an ass,” Annabeth says.

“Right?” Percy laughs slightly. “I miss her, to be honest. Is that weird? I just used to talk to her all the time, and then — nothing.”

“It’s not weird at all,” she tells him, snuggling her face into the crook of his neck. “I miss mine too.”

“Why’d you stop talking?”

“I moved here. I lost their address, and I got a new one. It just didn’t work after that.” She smiles, thinking of a fond memory. “They used to call me their best friend. The only one I had.”

Percy turns his nose up. “Well now you have me, so forget that guy. No man dares hurt my baby.”

“If I ever meet them, promise to beat their ass.”

“I’ll do my best,” he promises.

“What was their name?” she asks. “Of your pen pal?”

“I never found out,” he says. “She didn’t tell me her name. Only that it started with an A, so I called myself P, and we just kind of went on like that.”

The atmosphere suddenly turns cold as Annabeth stiffens in his arms.

“What is it?” he asks.

“You called yourself P? And the other person was A?”

Percy thinks to confirm before saying, “Yes. Why?”

“Did this person also meet a guy named Luke?”

Percy pulls away slightly. “How did you know that?”

“And you told them about your love for history at one point?” Percy suddenly feels lightheaded. “Annabeth…”

Annabeth’s lower lip trembled, and when she speaks, it comes out cracked. “I’m A.”

It hits him like a train, and Percy suddenly can’t breathe. His mouth opens for air, but his lungs fail him. His mind races, he doesn’t know what to say, and he feels like he’s going to pass out, and… “Oh my god,” is all he manages.

“Percy.”

“You’re A.”

Tears are falling from her eyes, and he doesn’t know how to feel. He doesn’t feel anything at all at first. It’s a weight off his chest, and he’s finally able to take a wrangled breath as it settles inside him. He feels something dripping down his face and realizes it’s tears.

He feels like he should be mad, but he’s not. He can’t be mad at Annabeth because he loves her so much, and he knows what happened, and it’s not her fault, and it’s not his either, and he’s in love with her.

Percy tugs her close. He doesn’t kiss her because right now, this is him seeing A again. His face is in his neck, and he can hear her sobs, and he’s sure his are just as bad. He pulls away, and he lets himself kiss her this time.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers into the kiss. He can taste the tears falling, but he pays it no attention. “I missed you, and I love you so much.”

“I’m sorry,” is what she says.

“Don’t,” he says, pulling away sharply. His voice is wobbly. “This is not your fault.”

Annabeth whimpers. “It feels like it.”

“It doesn’t matter. We found each other, and that’s all that matters, okay?” He wipes the tears from her face gently and kisses her forehead. “We found each other.”

“A twisted way of fate.”

Percy lets out a wet laugh. “It is, but it’s okay.”

“I love you,” she whispers.

There’s so much he wants to say back, but he would never have enough time to say it. “I love you too, mystery-stranger-pen-pal-person,” he whispers. He stays like that, her wrapped in his arms, and he doesn’t know how much time passes like this.

He kisses her, but this time it is as more than her boyfriend.

They are P and A.

Percy and Annabeth.

They are best friends and lovers in one.

He’s going to marry her. His best friend.

Percy and Annabeth.

P and A.

#percy jackson #percabeth #annabeth chase #pjo #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #my writing

[aer-in-wanderland]

구미호뎐 | 김범 - Kim Beom ‘Lee Rang Talk’ Instagram LIVE 2020.12.01 

In which Kim Beom addresses fan questions and comments he searched the internet for personally, entirely of his own accord. #Bless ♡♡♡

Time signatures are from this recording uploaded to youtube -> [x]

Because the LIVE was quite long (nearly an hour) I’ve selected out questions and topics that I thought were interesting. For the parts that I omitted, I’ve left time signatures and brief descriptions of what was discussed. If there’s a topic you're curious about that I haven’t included here, feel free to send me an ask. Finally, because the sound quality isn’t the best and he’s sitting back from the camera, there were a few words here and there that I had trouble making out. Sorry in advance!

Introduction & Greeting

Yes, hello! This is actor Kim Beom. And I’m Lee Rang. Before the final episode, before the final week’s broadcast, I wanted to greet you all directly, so I’ve appeared like this dressed as Lee Rang. And...right now you can think of me as someone somewhere in between Kim Beom and Lee Rang. 

To be honest, there’s no decided format. I just went and looked up the things you all were curious about on my own. It could be a bit incoherent, but I hope you’ll enjoy watching. Also, I think there are fans who are worrying how I’ll do a LIVE, since I don’t really know how to, and I haven’t even been on Instagram that long, but actually, in order to do this, I spent the weekend writing the script myself (holding up his cue cards). I wrote the script myself. Actually, yesterday I also had a meeting about how to do an InstaLive, so I hope you’ll enjoy watching. 

[0:01:22~0:02:20] Greeting to international fans in English

[I was impressed by his English here. You can tell he isn’t just reading off his cue cards but actually knows what he’s saying by the way he self-corrects.]

[0:03:00(3:30)~0:05:05] Let Rang eat!

[0:05:10~0:08:04] Re: Color of clothing

Ah! There were a ton of comments about clothing color as well. Uh...I also read a lot of comments where you all were analyzing various things. And, well, a certain amount of it was really accurate...I was really thankful and also fascinated to see that it seemed like you all picked up on some of the things I had put thought into. For example, in the early part of the show when I appeared in red clothes, in a suit, of course there was also the fact that I was making an effort to exude the feeling of a villain, but the other piece that I had been thinking of was that, because there were a ton of scenes in the forest, in the forest on the island, I wanted a color that contrasted with green, so I looked for that sort of complementary color. 

Uh...so, for the case of Forest of the Starved, as with wearing red in the forest in the early episodes, I intentionally wore camel colored clothes and such. Uh...and because it was running, because a lot of the scenes in the Forest of the Starved were of us running, for visual purposes, the director proposed that we wear long clothes, so I wore a long trench coat and such. Also, for scenes that involved a lot of CG, we also, from a technical standpoint, for those bits with hyung...we wore a lot of colors excluding blue and green.   

Also, what else is there? Ah! The white clothes. There weren’t many scenes where I wore white clothing, but....very simply, in scenes where I bled (chuckling) so that the blood was easily visible...I wore a white shirt and such. One of the comments I read that really stuck with me was, ‘learned...learned pervert’ (laughing). That I was a learned person. I also had input here, and my stylist team also had the same thought, so....(very quietly) I was called a ‘learned pervert.’ Yes. 

Also...That’s right. A lot of what you all thought was really spot on. So I was also really fascinated and I thought, ‘Wah~ They even notice those sorts of things, I have to prepare even more diligently in the future,’ and for me, personally...from my standpoint as Kim Beom, I think this was the most costume fittings I’ve ever done. I also did a lot of test filming during the fittings. A JDG hyung who I’m close with and who is a photographer did a lot of test filming for me and really helped me a lot in the process of making Lee Rang. Oh, and also, in the process of doing tests for Lee Rang, perhaps because I took a liking to his image, I changed my profile picture for the first time in 10 years. I also changed my signature papers. It’s now Lee Rang, it’s Lee Rang’s image. I want to hurry up and provide you all with signatures too (laughs). Is this how I’m supposed to do this? I don’t know... (chuckles) 

[0:08:05~0:09:12] Re: Movements & gestures 

Ah, and also about movements and gestures and such...you talked especially a lot about things like me sleeping curled into a ball that got broadcast not too long ago. I saw a picture of me curled up asleep put next to an image of a fox sleeping, like this. Yes, that’s correct. From the very beginning I talked about wanting to give off the image of a fox, of a baby fox [glances to his staff] What? Show them? (chuckles) Like this, (does the gesture) sort of curled up sleeping. Foxes all sleep curled up, it turns out. So, there was an image of me curled up sleeping and, it should show up in the final episode, but there’s an image of me sitting curled into myself as well. When I’m sitting curled into a ball, even down to my toes I’m sort of, like this (does the gesture). Sitting like this was also something I did in order to give the impression of a fox. 

Aside from that, in the action sequences as well, if you look closely you can see that while people swing their fists like this, we made gestures, actions, like raking our claws. I think those sorts of things helped to make the character of Lee Rang, and also the gumiho, the other gumihos, so I was also really pleased while doing it. Yes. And I was even more thankful that the viewers picked up on that. 

[0:09:17~0:11:00] Re: Ad libs

The ad libs...for the ad libs as well, many people are asking just how much is ad libbed, especially since Yeon-ie hyung [Lee Dong Wook] is extremely good at ad libs and does them a lot. If you watch the behind the scenes videos and such, you can see the actors acting opposite him being caught off guard a lot. Hyung’s ad libs looked really cool to me, so I actually tried to emulate him a lot, but for that, it’s not possible with just your average [comedic/dramatic] sense. It’s the sense of someone who’s over a thousand years old, so one ad lib I made with the sense of a 600 year old was...there was one that was broadcast not long ago: “I’m warning you~~.” ‘I’m warning you~’ is an ad lib (laughs). 

The original line was...what was the original line again? (checks his cue cards) Ah, well, it was a line to the effect of, ‘don’t make me laugh’ or something like that, but seeing hyung saying ‘I’m warning you,’ I had the thought that it would be good if I teased him, so I was like, ‘I’m warning you~~’ as an ad lib. Also, in the café scene where we met after I returned from nearly dying, the drink hyung gave me was...there was a multi-colored drink, and for that, originally in the script it just said, ‘It’s tasty right? Have some, it’s tasty,’ or something like that, but hyung saying, ‘Have some, it’s rainbow flavored,’ was also hyung’s ad lib. And well, it didn’t appear in the broadcast, but I called it unicorn flavored. I think it was cut from the broadcast because it would have left people wondering ‘has he tried eating unicorn before?’ 

Those sorts of things...I also really learned a lot, I think, while doing them, such as hyung’s ease and whatnot. I was really jealous and he looked really cool. It came up in our lines too, but hyung always looked like he was shining brightly; he looked really cool.  

 [0:11:00~0:12:31] Re: Hyung Lee Dong Wook

To tell you more about hyung, hyung is...while being extremely sensitive, he’s the type to look after the other party in a brusk manner. For me personally, when I was studying and making Lee Rang’s character, I don’t think it would have been possible without hyung’s help. At first, I also...for the first time in a while I wore the clothes of another character and stood before the camera, and until that point I really had a lot of concerns and worries, but hyung gave me advice and really cheered me on a lot from the standpoint of an actor who has walked this path a little farther than me. So he was really a great help, and a source of strength, and whenever we were on set and there was something I didn’t know, I’d go ask hyung. Also, when I was agonizing over something, hyung would come over to me first and ask me if he could help, he was like that. 

And aside from that, the director, and the writer...Actually, Lee Rang’s tails have never appeared on screen, but in any case, Lee Rang should also have nine tails, right? There are nine. I have nine tails, but one of those was given to me by hyung. And one by the director, and one by the writer, and many others besides. Because they gave me tails, I was able to become a gumiho with nine tails, that’s the feeling I get. Yes.

[0:13:06~0:14:03] Re: Lee Rang’s Necklace

Ah! That’s right. There were also people who were curious about this necklace, wondering if this...if this wasn’t symbolic of something. In fact, in the beginning I had also thought that far. I thought of using it to express Lee Rang’s signature or something, so at first when he transformed I had gotten rid of it. Like when I appeared with glasses on (leans forward to show off the necklace better) this. It’s this necklace, but for my first transformation when I appeared with glasses, or...at those times I purposefully removed the necklace, but later on when I, when I transformed into hyung, if I wasn’t wearing it....if I was wearing it! I worried that you all would notice. You’re all extremely observant. Like gumihos. So in the end I decided to just leave this as fashion. 

[Note: This doesn’t fully make sense to me in terms of wearing it or not, but I double-checked and I translated everything exactly as he said it.]

[0:14:02~0:14:53] Re: Transformations

And since we’re on the subject of transformations, I’m always being found out and saying, ‘Ah that damn dress code...’ and such, but, everyone, I’m not being found out. Lee Rang isn’t so foolish and incompetent. Conversely, in order to mess with people more, he’s intentionally giving them a hint. So he’s being like... ‘Even if I do this will they not notice? Will they not notice?’ by intentionally giving them a hint with his shoes. And so, for Ji Ah, and for Sajang, that was me intentionally giving them a hint, and in fact wanting them to realize. While being like ‘if you figure this out then I’ll have to mess with you even more,’ I’d then mess with them more. And so, conversely, when I transformed into hyung to fool Sajang, I fooled him perfectly didn’t I? I’m not such an incompetent person as that. 

[0:14:55~0:16:05] Re: Romance 

There are many people who are extremely curious about Lee Rang’s romance as well, but actually, romance [for Rang] didn’t appear in our Tale of the Nine Tailed. Because his love for hyung is so great. And his love for Yoo Ri was also somewhat different from the love between a man and a woman. It was a familial love, and also a love that came from wanting to fill the void, it was that sort of love. Uh....I saw someone say something like this. Mm...when Yeon-ie hyung falls in love it’s to this extent, but if Rang-ie, who is a rule-breaker, who ignores all the rules, were to fall in love, the earth would probably have been destroyed. Or at the very least, Korea would have been destroyed. haha Someone said that, but I think that probably would have been the case. If he had directed his love not at his hyung but at a woman, because Rang-ie isn’t afraid of his hyung, or the afterlife, or even hell, I feel like he would have had that sort of a [world-ending] romance. 

[0:16:48~0:17:37] Re: Lee Rang’s fortune (wealth)

[0:17:38~0:18:19] [Reading and responding briefly to live comments]

[0:18:32~0:19:24] Q: Would Lee Rang have dreamed of being either a full fox or a full human?

Ah...this was a very sad question. [Rang is] a half-human, half-supernatural, but would he have dreamed of being a full gumiho, would he have dreamed of being a full human? There was talk to that effect. Uh...I think Rang-ie wouldn’t have wanted to be either. On the supernatural side as well, because he’s a half-supernatural...I don’t imagine he’d have been welcomed, and among humans, because he has supernatural blood, we also saw him being mistreated a lot. But then, amongst all of that, my one and only source of support was my hyung. And I think that’s why [Rang] was so obsessed with his hyung. I think he probably wouldn’t have wanted to belong to either side. Because he’s that sort of free spirit. Yes, that’s what I think. 

[0:19:30~0:19:58] Re: Lee Rang’s Favorite Food

Q: If Lee Rang had a favorite food like Lee Yeon’s mint chocolate, what would it be?

His favorite food is, you all may already know this, but it’s alcohol. Rang was always together with alcohol, and he was a character who goes well with alcohol. Somehow...it was like how lonely people reach for alcohol. I think it would have been that sort of feeling. It always kept him company, in place of his hyung (chuckles). That sort of, that sort of...his favorite food is alcohol, yes. 

[0:20:02~0:20:50] Re: Favorite fan comments/Not a baby 

[0:21:00~0:21:46] Q: Spicy fox [i.e. fox with an attitude/a bite] vs. baby fox?

[0:21:47~0:0:22:39] Q: The most dangerous gumiho or the most endangered gumiho?

[0:22:45~0:23:34] Q: Favorite Lee Rang look/style?

[0:23:41~0:25:10] Q: Good vs Evil?

Ah, and, there was also a question about what percent of good versus evil exists inside of me, but...I also really thought hard about it when I received this question. Rang-ie was a very kind child when he was young, who couldn’t even pick a flower...he was a kind child who couldn’t even kill a bug, but then, that sort of...should I call it societal evil? Due to some misunderstandings and...painful times, he gradually begins to ‘live devoting himself to evil,’ there’s that expression, in Korea. I think all of that evil would have seeped into him. So while at first he would have been 80-90% good, even so...mm~ at 51 to 49%, wouldn’t 51% of him be good? That slight bit that he tries not to lose. Because evil, because the side of evil kept pulling at me, whether that be Imoogi, or Sajang, unavoidably evil would have pulled at me, but...I get the sense that Rang-ie, to the very end, wouldn’t have given up the good in him...Nn? [Staff catches his eye] Yes, so that’s why it’s (???)* hehehe Oh? (???)* Sorry. Hahaha Ah, sorry. I just startled myself as well. [Pointing at his staff] Your face has turned red!

[Note: The expression he uses for ‘to the end’ here could either be used literally or figuratively. So obviously he accidentally gave a huge spoiler, but if he - or rather, his staff - hadn’t reacted so much it might have just been glossed over. Also, I think he’s using terms associated with a video game here which is why I’m having trouble parsing the blanks.]

[0:25:12~0:26:56] Kim Beom reminisces about his time with TotNT

[0:27:05~0:27:43] Re: Stickers

Ah! There was also talk about the stickers. Hahaha Uh...for the stickers as well, of course, in the script it was simply expressed as, ‘Rang, who is asleep covered in stickers,’ but actually, what stickers got stuck where was something that I decided myself. So I tried sticking a lightning bolt to my forehead, and, I’m not sure if it was visible in the broadcast, but the earring (the star on his ear) was a reference to the character So Yi Jeong that I played back in the day [Note: this is a reference to his character in Boys Over Flowers (2009)]. Well, I’m the type to overthink things like that, so hehe. I think a lot. 

[0:27:45~0:28:56] Re: Soo Oh

[0:29:12~0:30:00] Q: Are you more of an older or younger brother type?

For that question...whether that question was a question for Kim Beom or for Lee Rang, I actually wasn’t sure, but someone asked, ‘Are you someone who is suited to being an older brother or someone who is suited to being a younger brother?’ Uh....to answer as Rang, Rang is of course more suited to being a younger brother, it fits his natural tendencies. That Kim Beom guy,* I mean, Kim Beom is... (chuckling under his breath) ‘that Kim Beom guy’ what am I saying? Kim Beom is...more suited to being an older brother, he has that aptitude, that inclination I think. 

[*Note: When said this I burst out laughing. The literal expression is, ‘that chingu (friend) called Kim Beom,’ and it’s just not a way that you would ever refer to yourself. He said he was somewhere in between Lee Rang and Kim Beom, and it really feels like that here haha]

[0:30:12~0:31:10] Re: Nicknames

And, well....If Lee Rang, if there is a nickname that Rang-ie likes or a nickname that remained with him [what would that be]? A whole lot of people also wrote to me with that question. The overseas fans have also been calling me ‘baby fox’ (said in English), and that was really amusing. Uh...also, well, ‘baby fox’ (in Korean), and things like ***** [Note: he censored himself here so I’m not actually sure what he said other than that it’s rude haha], I really had a lot of fun seeing them. Like, these people who, if I met them in real life, would say, ‘Spare me!’ and run away were treating me like a baby... (nodding to himself). It was funny (chuckles). 

[Reading the chat] People keep commenting ‘baby fox’ (in English) hahaha

And so I also, later on....Somehow, at first I thought, ‘Huh?’, but then later on it was something that really made me feel good...(nodding) It was funny. (chuckles)

[0:33:30~0:33:57] Re: Mountain God Lee Rang?

Q: If Lee Rang ever became a mountain god, what sort of world would he have created?

I probably would have made a wonderland for hyung, right? For hyung’s sake alone. So that hyung could enjoy himself, I would have tried making this and that....to make hyung smile once. I feel like that’s what I would have done, and because of that, because [Rang is] that sort of simple guy, he probably wouldn’t have become a mountain god, right? I’m good being a mountain god’s younger brother...

[0:33:58~0:34:54] Re: Rang’s name

Also, Ah~ things related to Rang’s name, too. To my knowledge, the name ‘Rang’ was bestowed by his hyung. So originally he was a half-human, half-supernatural who didn’t even have a name, who was also abandoned by his family. He had been lonely like that, so it was probably hyung who gave it to him. The name ‘Rang’ means ‘shining.’ Most likely, at that time, wouldn’t he have really cried a whole lot? From happiness. Seeing as he continued using the name Rang, seeing as he continued using it for 600 years. If he had disliked it, he probably would have changed it, so he really took a liking to it. It was probably a happy time where he thought, ‘Now I too have a name~’ That’s right. 

[0:35:11~0:36:39] Re: Spin-off

Ah! And also, there was the spin-off to talk about, right? In another world, in a slightly wider world, uh...there was a spin-off telling my story, and to be honest it was an extremely new attempt, and I also, at first, I approached it as an answer and a gift in response to all of the love that so many people had sent. Uh...thanks to that, I think it was nice that I was able to show you Lee Rang from another point of view, and I actually worried about it a great deal. 

Uh...Rather than our existing team, another spin-off team did the filming for us, and so I worried a lot. Because it wasn’t our team. But, they very diligently, and well...shot it for us. And for me, because many people supported us, thankfully, compared to what I had been worried about, I think it worked out well. Actually, when I was really at the end of my rope from worrying so much, I called hyung [Lee Dong Wook] from set, from the spin-off set, to say that I was worried, and I also met up with him in person, and the director [Kang Shin Ho], I told him I was worried. In the off chance that the fans of the Tale of the Nine Tailed main series might hate it, I was really very worried. But hyung really comforted me a lot, and told me it was cool, so that made me feel really good. 

[0:36:41~0:37:28] Re: Yoo Ri (Kim Yong Ji)

Also...I have to talk about Yoo Ri too, don’t I? Our Yoo Ri. Our Yoo Ri...from the very first time I met her she seemed like Yoo Ri. She was really really like a gumiho, like a fox. Like someone of mixed race. In reality, too, we met up recently and were eating together when she told me this. People from Russia are actually sending her DMs, she said. Asking if she’s really a mixed-blood Russian. Hearing that was so funny that I remember we both burst out laughing. But to that extent Yoo Ri [Kim Yong Ji] is that much like Yoo Ri, even when you see her in real life. And also, because she became such a perfect Yoo Ri when we were working, from the very beginning she was very reliable to film with, and I think I was also really able to immerse myself while filming. 

[0:37:29~0:38:01] Re: Shin Joo (Hwang Hee)

And also, Shin Joo hyung, too. Actually...I didn’t have that many scenes in common with Shin Joo, but we became so close on set that later on - ah! Actually it’ll probably appear in tomorrow’s episode. Me and hyung [Hwang Hee] (catches the staff’s eye, raises his eyebrows, and then censors himself).....have a scene together, and you’ll probably get to see a very different Lee Rang, a very cheerful, uh...Lee Rang will appear, so I hope you enjoy watching it. 

[0:38:31~0:40:00] Re: CG

Ah, and also, we can’t not talk about the CG. Because, in a sense, it was one of the biggest aspects of our genre, from the first time we started filming we did a whole lot of tests. I think, in any case, we worried that those who see a lot of (computer graphics? - sorry, I’m actually unsure of this word) would feel that something was off, so we tried once using actual contact lenses, and also tried using actual (physical) tails. And for things like the Imoogi special effects makeup, it was a combination of makeup and CG that came to be through the help of truly a lot of people. My eye, and also hyung’s tails, and our abilities, Imoogi’s skin. I’d like to take the opportunity here to thank everyone involved once again. For giving me such a cool eye. I also, while watching the broadcast, was like, ‘Wah!’ 

Hm... also, I think my only having one eye that changed was probably the director’s idea. Because I’m a half-blood, in any case, his opinion was that it would be nice if only one eye changed, so I was able to have a really cool eye (leans close to the screen with a wild Lee Rang smile and then sits back chucking). It would be nice if it changed, but I’m unable to change my eye by myself (chuckles).

[0:40:05~0:42:00] Re: Stunts/action sequences

And our stunt team, our action team as well. We can’t not talk about them. I’m reminded of the first time, the times we went to action school to practice martial arts. From when we first began action practice, I would coordinate the timing with hyung [Lee Dong Wook] and we would go and practice together. So from the beginning, until we had created the action that would suit our characters, we went several several times for several hours at a time to practice. And then on set, they created things far beyond what we had practiced for us, so our action team really worked very hard as well, and the agwi and such that you saw...for many of those, our staff played all those roles for us. They really had it extremely hard, uh...yes. The (???) director, the (???)* director, and many stunt and action hyungs, all worked very hard. Hyung [Lee Dong Wook] also talked about this during our press conference, but they really worked very hard. On hot days, in the Forest of the Starved, they nearly....and they gave a very impassioned performance, so I was also able to immerse myself so the filming went well.

Mm....To be honest, I’m the type who really likes action, but the gumiho action this time, uh... (nods to himself). There were many stunts that appeared that were at a level beyond what I could have imagined, so while I enjoyed doing them, there were aspects that were difficult too, but when I saw how I appeared in the broadcast, I was very satisfied, and...because [the fans] really liked our sibling action scenes, it made me feel good. 

[*Note: Sorry, because he’s talking half under his breath here I’m actually having trouble making out which directors he’s referring to.]

[0:42:05~0:43:38] Re: Crying scenes

You asked me if having so many crying scenes wasn’t taxing, but...I know, right? More than I thought, more than the Rang that I had originally pictured, [he] was actually quite a crybaby. There were many more crying scenes than I had thought there would be, and depending on how you look at it, it feels like maybe I cried nearly as much as Ji Ah....I get the sense that because [Rang] is a guy who carries a lot of pain and sadness, he had a lot of tears. And also, because I had to cry in a way that was Rang-like, at first I was like, ‘How should I cry? In what manner do I have to shed tears?’ but once the camera started filming...I felt like they were Rang’s own emotions, so. Yes. 

If I think of hyung [Lee Dong Wook], actually, even now I get really choked up. So, when I, myself, Kim Beom, had a photo shoot recently, the topic of hyung came up in the course of the interview and I froze for a second because I nearly started crying, that also happened...

And then on set when I gave my final thoughts upon wrapping filming, I still somehow had many of Rang’s emotions left over, so I...seeing me crying, hyung said, ‘Are you going through puberty?’ hahaha, I have memory of him saying things like that to make me laugh as well. 

[Note: Kim Beom is referring to his photoshoot and interview with Elle Korea. I translated a good bit of it here.]

[0:43:40~0:45:06] Q: A character you’d like to try transforming into?

Also...I, well, hyung also transformed once, but for me because it’s one of my core talents, and because gumihos are the sort of character to do that, I received the question of whether there isn’t a character I wouldn’t like to try transforming into other than the ones that appeared in the drama. Honestly, if I was Lee Rang, I probably would have transformed into Ji Ah and tried to break her [and hyung] apart. Mm....I would have really hated transforming into Ji Ah but, uh...in order to separate her from hyung, and also, out of jealousy, due to his wish that [his hyung] wouldn’t fall in love with her again, out of love for his brother, he would have transformed into Ji Ah...isn’t that originally what gumihos are like?

However, because in that case then Ji Ah [Jo Bo Ah] will have to act that out again, probably (chuckles)...next time, if there’s ever an opportunity, I’ll transform into Ji Ah and... (starts making finger hearts without finishing his sentence) yes. I would like to show that to you all. 

[Reading the live chat] Right? People are asking me if I’m a genius. If it was Lee Rang, Lee Rang should have to transformed into Ji Ah, right? I also honestly just surprised myself by thinking of it just now. 

[0:45:14~0:46:04 ] Thoughts before the final episode

[0:46:24~0:47:28] Re: Charades with Imoogi (Lee Tae Ri)

[0:47:30~0:48:15] Re: Director Kang Shin Hyo

[0:49:26~0:50:21] Q: Memorable Lines & Scenes

Also...about the lines. Memorable lines or memorable scenes, you’re asking a lot about these sorts of things, but I truly haven’t forgotten a single scene I was in; I remember all of them. Because the script, and the characters, and the scenarios...and the scenes were all made so so well. 

Actually...well, at the beginning, when you see me fighting, bickering, with hyung, and I say ‘Didn’t you miss me?’ this line, and also...that sort of line: ‘I’m dying of anticipation.’ There were these sorts of lines as well. Uh...also, my lines that I say to Yoo Ri too. Like...‘Why would you shed tears because of me? Don’t make your life into a melodrama.’ There were these sorts of lines as well. 

[0:50:24~0:51:52] Re: Azaleas

[0:51:54~0:52:26] Re: Gumiho teleportation 

[0:52:27~0:54:00] Re: Rang’s throwing axes

[0:54:32~0:55:11] Re: Dokdo shrimp

[0:55:13~0:55:59] Q: Memorable filming location?

[0:56:00~0:5?:??] Re: Last episodes

[0:56:45~0:57:10] Q: Do you watch the original broadcast?

[0:57:12~End] Closing remarks

#구미호뎐 #김범 #이랑 #kim beom #kim bum #instagram live #20201201 #bts #my translations #thanks for your patience #kim beom's relationship with lee dong wook is the cutest #this whole cast is just ♡ #tale of the nine tailed #totnt