#i asked my pals to take me to the hospital because i thought i was going to Perish Right There on the floor

[krembruleed]

my three girlfriends.

And yes, they smoke weed.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #halsin #jaheira #karlach #storytime: once i made my own edibles and massively overdosed on the cush #i asked my pals to take me to the hospital because i thought i was going to Perish Right There on the floor #week long panic attack ensued. was high for 4 straight days #0/10 experience would not recommend #get a kitchen scale and double check your weed math kids #krem scribbles

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 22 Part 1)

Word count: 18.0k

Pairings: Jake x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, Cursing, Dramatic Themes. Angst Including: Talks of Infidelity, Toxic Themes, Stalking, Arguing, Yelling, Extreme Portrayal of Sadness, Crying, Abandonment, Heartbreak, Talks of Illness, Extreme Illness, Fainting, Hospitalization, Hospital Procedures and Protocols, Talks of Death and Dying. Smut Including: Kissing, Touching, Fingering, Oral F!Recieving Fluff.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

JAKE POV

“How was your breakfast date…” 

She shrinks back at your words, a look of confusion crossing her face.

“My what?” she asks.

“Your date. Your breakfast date with Logan.” you say firmly.

She turns her head in shock, before turning to look back at you, “It wasn’t a date Jake. He is my friend. We just went and got breakfast and walked over to the farmer’s market across the street…”

“Sure looked like a date.” you quip.

“What? What do you mean?” she asks, shaking her head.

You pull your phone from your pocket, and pull up your texts from Danny, holding your phone towards her to take from your hand.

Her eyes scan over the glass flipping through the photos. “This is so weird. Who is taking photos of me? Why?” she asks.

“Fans. People who know we’re together. Or were.” you paused. “Went to the store. I waited all damn day for you to come back.”

“Oh god. Jake… I am so sorry, I–”

“Got caught up? Forgot we had plans when a better offer came along?” you ask, an edge to your voice.

"Jake..." she said, a flash of pain in her eyes.

She walked over to you and grabbed your hand, “Help me carry these bags into the study.” she smiles sweetly.

“What? No. We aren’t finished talking.” you respond.

“Just! Help me, please.” she says, grabbing a few bags in her hands.

You huff and pick up the remaining bags, setting them on the floor before positioning yourself on the couch.

“Was it…a date?” you ask.

“No. Not at all.” she says. “Logan and I met for breakfast, had a few mimosas, and as I was leaving I saw a farmer’s market across the street. We missed the last one because we were in Veg– well, we just missed the last one, and I wanted to go. Logan said he didn’t want me to walk alone, so he came with me.” she said, reaching for a brown paper bag on the floor. 

She opened the bag and started pulling out all kinds of fresh vegetables and fruit, way better stuff than you saw at the store today. 

“I saw these tomatoes and I remembered that spaghetti sauce you made that one time and I just… I don’t know, I thought maybe we could make it together. So I got a couple, and a few zucchini and some squash, and I thought these beets looked good too. I know you don’t cook with them a lot, so I thought maybe you could find a new recipe or something while you’re locked away in the house. We could test it and see if we like it.” she said, looking at you with eyes full of hope.

Shit. You read this completely wrong.

You let a guilty smile cross your face, and as you went to respond she smiled and started talking again, “So I kept walking down the path looking at the little booths and there was this sweet little man, and he had all these homemade pastas, and I was like, ‘okay spaghetti sauce needs pasta’ so I ended up with way too many bags, because he was so sweet and he told me about his wife and… Well we are set on pasta I think.” she smiled.

You rested your right arm across the back of the couch and let your fingers graze her neck, as she tilted her head back at your touch. She swallowed, and put the items back into the paper bag and set it on the floor. 

“So, after that Logan walked me back to my car and as I was driving home I thought, ‘wait, we can't have spaghetti with no wine’, so I stopped at that big liquor store and I found that one red you liked a few weeks ago from that restaurant. 

“You remember that?” you ask, just staring at her.

She looked at you and hesitated as she answered, “...well, yeah…”

“So dinner was all set right? As I was driving home, I passed that old music shop and decided to just peek and see if they had anything new for you. I ended up with these…” she said, pulling 3 albums from the white plastic bag, and placing them in your hands.

“Wow, some old, old motown. These are good finds. Perfect cooking music.” you smile, staring into the face of a woman who no doubt knows you better than you know yourself.

“Really? I just thought maybe something new would be fun. New memories, I guess.” she says bashfully.

“Yeah, but I like the old ones too.” you smiled, letting your thumb trail over her skin again.

“You know right next to the music store is that Page’s place, and I know hanging out at home all day can be so so boring, so I looked around for a while, and tried to see if anything really stuck out and said ‘Jake’.” she said, with a curious look on her face.

“And did anything say ‘Jake’?” you laughed.

“Yes, just these two. They kind of reminded me of that one I just finished. All in the same vein I think. I hope you don’t already have them. But if you do I can tak–”

“They are perfect. I don’t have them, and I can’t wait to read them.” you encouraged.

She grabbed them back from you and put them back into the paper bag, grabbing one final bag from the floor. 

“Okay and I made one last stop on my tour of Nashville today. But there are two things in the bag, neither of them related at all.” she giggles.

You nodded your head for her to continue. 

“Going back to the home all day thing, I thought maybe you might want to try painting a little bit? There are just the basic colors and brushes in here, but I know you are really getting into drawing again, and thought maybe painting would be a fun new outlet.”

“I have actually been thinking about that, it’s like you read my mind.” you grinned.

“Okay the last thing. Don’t laugh. I just–I just thought it would be fun. I know you’re going to absolutely kill me at it but…” she said, pulling out a large square box.

You took it in your hands with a huge smile, “Trivia?! Rolling Stones Trivia!?” you asked.

“Yeah! I saw it by the register and I was like, ‘I think…Jake needs this in his house?’” she laughed. 

You nodded your head and set it in your lap, looking into her eyes, “Our house.”

Her eyes search yours, flicking back and forth as she nods. She hands you the bouquet of flowers and smiles down at it. 

“I also picked these up for you. I know it's not typical for a man to receive flowers but, I saw them and…I thought of you.”

God. You were wrong. You were so so wrong. You didn’t even give her a chance to say anything before you started grilling her. 

“I hope you believe me when I tell you that it was just breakfast and nothing even remotely close to a date. I know what you were thinking after seeing those photos and that’s not it at all. I know what I did to you probably has you feeling like you can’t trust me and I get that. I deserve that. But I spent the whole day going around town finding things for you. For us to do together. If you want to. Things to make you happy because really, all I want is for you to be happy. But I specifically got these flowers for you because they reminded me of the ones we used to pick by the lake. And I want to keep doing that with you. I want to sit here and pick every single petal until the very last one is ‘she loves you’.”

You felt your heart drop into your stomach. She told you, time and time again, that she would never do anything to make you doubt her feelings for you ever again. And still you did. Told you flat out that she loves you and wants to spend the rest of her life with you, but as she came home tonight you were so quick to jump on her about Logan. She was right, you did have a new issue with trust, but you knew you could fix it. Mend it. Together. 

“And I am so sorry I forgot about going to the store with you. That was my fault. I should have come straight back after breakfast, but I was just thinking about waking up next to you this morning, and how a few days ago that wasn’t promised, and how scared I was for you and what if I never got to do this again…”

She started getting teary eyed talking about it, and you felt your heartstrings being pulled at the sight. She really loves you. 

“I just know things are weird with us right now, so I thought maybe I could just show you that I was thinking of you and how much I want to fix this, and hope you felt the same.”

You grab her hands and pull her across the couch into your chest. You aren’t sure but you thought you felt a tear slip out onto your shirt as you held her face to you. 

“I do. I do feel the same. Thank you, so much. For all of it. Everything.” you say rubbing circles into her back.

“So you want to then? We can make the spaghetti sauce and play the trivia game?” she asks, voice slightly shaky.

“I don’t want anything more than to do that as soon as possible.” you smile, pressing your face into the top of her head, and breathing in deeply the smell of your girl.

You release her from your grip and she pulls back from you, looking at you with pure adoration. 

“How about we get this all put away, and I will start us some dinner?” you ask, rubbing your fingers over her hand. 

She smiles and nods, collecting a few of the bags, before standing from the couch. 

You carry the bags to the kitchen and pull one of the bottles of wine you bought today from the pantry, pulling the cork, and pouring it into a glass. You reach the glass towards her and as she takes her first sip, her eyes widen and she looks at you.

“This is that one I like?” she says, shocked.

You spin around and smirk at her, “Maybe I was thinking about you today, too.”

—

As you stand at the sink, loading the last of the dishes into the dishwasher you look over at her, finishing wiping off the counters. 

“I’ve got the rest.” you smiled, placing the plate on the rack.

“You sure? I can–”

“Yeah, I know you’ve had a long day.” you reply.

“I think I’m gonna go take a shower then, if you’re sure.” she says, walking over towards you.

“I’m positive. There’s hardly anything left to do.” You respond standing back up to look at her. 

“Thanks for making dinner. That chicken was so good…I would love to have that recipe.” she says.

“What do you mean, I’ve got it right here?” you say pointing to your temple.

“Well, yeah but…What if–”

“Nope. Nope. Nope. Go take a shower.” you say, whipping the dish towel towards her. 

She scurries off into the guestroom, and you toss the towel back over your shoulder as you smirk. What if… Like you’re ever letting that woman go again.

You close up the dishwasher and set the coffee maker before heading to the front door to shut off the lights and set the alarm. You glance down the hallway and see the guest room door shut, knowing she's probably in for the night, as you make your way to your bedroom. 

You step inside and turn on your lamp, as you gravitate into the bathroom for a shower of your own. You let the soapy water rinse of the guilt of earlier as your mind flutters with thoughts of her. Minutes later you are stepping out, and wrapping yourself in a towel as you brush your teeth. 

The house is still quiet as you put on your boxers and turn off the closet light. As you climb into bed you grab your glasses and one of the books she got you from your nightstand, and relax into your pillow. 

She was right, this book did have your name all over it, and you wondered how you’d never seen it before. Within minutes you are flying through the pages, hanging on the words of every sentence, pulling you into a world you could only read about. 

You heard a creak at the door, causing your eyes to dart over the top of the page. Peeking her head into the room you saw Y/N, damp hair hanging over her bare shoulders as she looked at you. 

“I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to bother you. I didn’t know you were reading.” she says, rooted to her spot at the door. 

You put your book down on your chest and push your glasses up, “It’s okay, what’s up?”

She takes one step closer to the door, now half of her body visible, “Well nothing. I didn’t know you were reading, so it’s okay, nevermind.” she says bashfully, stepping backwards.

“Hey, no, wait! Come here…” you say, motioning for her to come over to you.

She rocks back on her heels before stepping into the room in a barely there black silk pajama set, causing your heart rate to skyrocket. She has her pillow in her arms as she walks over to your side of the bed, and sits on the edge right in front of you.

“I was just wondering if we were gonna watch tonight…” she admits. “But I see you are reading that book, so I want to let you do that. We probably shouldn’t be watching in your bed anyways.”

You let your hand settle on her silky smooth thigh, “Baby, I was only reading because your door was shut. I thought you were going to bed. Of course I want to watch.”

“Really?” she asks.

You dog-ear your page, and fold up your glasses, setting both on your nightstand before grabbing the TV remote.

You turn off the lamp as she stands up and walks around to the other side of the bed. You pull the fluffy duvet back as she slides in, putting her pillow behind her head. Sometimes you wish it wasn’t a king. Sometimes you wish it was a queen, just so you could be closer to her. Times like right now.

You press play on the remote, happy to have her here with you after wanting her to be here all day. You kick yourself again for doubting her.

“Whatcha thinkin’ bout?” she asks, rolling on to her side, to face you.

“You. All the cool stuff you found today.” you answer, listening to the theme song play.

“Hope you like it.” she grins.

“I love it.” you say, reaching out and squeezing her hand. 

You pull your hand back but only let it drop a few inches from hers, not touching but still close.

It’s quiet between the two of you for a while, the climax of the episode just passing as she finally turns to you again.

“Do you think they’re in love?” she asks, her voice sleepy.

“Who, Scully and Mulder?” you ask.

“Yeah. I think Scully is in denial that she loves him.” she says.

“I think they both love each other but their job makes it difficult for them to have a relationship. If they pursued it, and something happened, not only would they lose each other but they would lose their investigative partner too. They are both so committed to their jobs they aren't willing to risk doing anything that might take it away from them.” you said, turning to look at her.

“But how do you know he loves her?” she asks.

“See how he looks at her when she talks? And how is always just kind of there, ready to act if something were to happen to her? I don’t know, I guess I can just tell. Same things I do, I think.” you answer.

“You think you would save me if the aliens tried to take me?” she giggles.

“Yeah, of course I would save you. Or I would make them take me, too.” you said, letting your fingers trail over her arm.

She twitched, “Ooh, don’t do that! It tickles!” she squeals.

“What, this?” you said, repeating the movement with a little more force causing her to squirm closer to you. 

“Jake! Stooooopppp…” she pleads.

You do it once more, hearing her laughter fill the room as she playfully fights you off.

The credits start to roll in the background, and you both look up at the screen. 

“One more?” she asks.

“Okay, one more…” you agree, knowing you’d watch ten more if she asked like that.

Throughout the entirety of the next episode, the two of you have inched your way closer and closer to each other, until she is practically laying on top of you. You run your fingers through the ends of her hair, as her hand rests on your stomach. Her finger tips are making small circles on your bare skin, and it is taking every single ounce of willpower to not jump her bones right here. 

She thinks you don’t notice her hand moving lower and lower on your stomach, grazing the top of your boxers with her pinky finger. Sliding the soft tip of her finger through your happy trail. You wanted her. No, needed her. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t break the rules.

As the credits rolled once again, she didn’t move. She laid perfectly still on your chest, as you reached over to grab the remote, turning the TV off. The room was left in darkness, as you resettled yourself on the pillows. 

“Are you staying? You can stay if you want to…” you whisper into her hair.

“I know I shouldn’t, I’m just so comfy…” she groans, sliding her legs together.

“Your call baby.” you reply.

“Just tonight. Tomorrow we start over. Following the rules.” she says.

“Okay. Start over tomorrow. Fresh start. All good.” you repeat back to her.

The room goes silent for a few minutes, just the sound of your heart beating in your chest, as her fingers continue to graze the elastic of your boxers. 

“I can hear your heart beating fast you know…” she giggles, sliding a finger into the hem.

“Well you have your fucking hand halfway down my boxers, and my dick is throbbing so hard they can hear it in Knoxville.” you quip.

You feel her laugh against your chest, “I should probably stop. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” she says, pulling her hand away. 

Fuck.

“It’s okay baby. Just miss you is all.” you reply, wondering how you’re going to fall asleep with this situation going on. 

You turn towards her, letting your hand cup her face as you press your lips to hers, “Goodnight.”

You know the second it happens that you fucked up, “Shit Y/N. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just habi–”

You’re cut off by the feeling of her lips on yours, begging and pleading for you. You put your hands back on her face, pulling her closer to you as her tongue licks into your mouth. You can taste her and her mint toothpaste, as your tongues tangle together the way they have always just known how. 

You pull back from her, all panting and heavy breathing, “Baby, the rules… we aren’t suppos–”

“Do you want to stop?” she breathes.

“No.” you answer, reattaching your mouth to hers, continuing to devour her completely, in all the ways you dreamt of over the past three weeks. 

You pull your lips down the curve of her jaw, moving to hover over top of her as you press soft kisses into her neck and shoulder. You grab her arms in your hands as she writhes beneath you, her breathing telling you everything you need to know. 

You bring your head back down to her chest, placing a wet kiss on her sternum, dragging your tongue up to the hollow of her throat.

“Jake…” she breathes.

“Mhmm…” you hum.

You let your hand run up underneath the thin black silk of her tank top, ghosting your hand over her hardened nipple, before letting your thumb and forefinger pinch the sensitive skin.

“Tell me to stop, and I will…” you offer.

“We can’t…” she whines.

“But we are…” you reply, taking her nipple into your mouth. Her back arches up off the bed and a whine leaves her lips.

“Baby… god. I miss you so bad…” you say before reattaching your lips to her. 

Her hands come up from the sheets, fisting into your hair as you continue to trail kisses down her stomach. 

“Keep going Jake…” she breathes.

You run your finger under the band of her silky shorts, as her hips arch into your touch.

“What’s wrong baby? You miss me too?” you tease, pulling yourself lower on the bed, pushing the blankets out of the way.

“Yes… Yes, I miss you too…” she pants.

“Been so long…Did you forget me?” you ask, hooking your fingers into her shorts, and pulling them down her legs.

“Need me to refresh your memory?” you ask.

“Please…” she begs.

You press a kiss to her thigh, causing her hips to jerk forward again. 

“Maybe just… a little reminder of what it was like…” you taunt.

Her hand reaches for yours, holding her hip bones, twisting her finger with yours. You use your free hand to slide your middle and ring fingers through her center, collecting the wetness. 

“Mmmm… that’s my fuckin’ girl right there. Gorgeous little thing so ready for me.” you say, letting your thumb connect with her clit.

“Jacob…” she groans.

“It’s been too long hasn’t it?” you ask, letting your middle finger slide into her.

Oh shit. You feel your dick twitch in your boxers and you know that this is doing just as much for you as it is for her.

You let your finger slide against her walls, pressing into her sweet spot as her body begs for more.

You pull your finger out of her and push her legs apart as you attach your mouth to her center. You let your tongue swipe through her folds, before positioning it at her opening and pressing forward. The sounds leaving her mouth are pure ecstasy, and you wish you could bottle it for a rainy day.

You let your tongue begin to flick back and forth over her clit as you push two fingers inside of her again.

Her hand returns to your head, pulling you down onto her harder as you feel her insides fluttering. 

“Taste so fucking good baby. So fucking perfect. Never get enough of you.” you groan against her. 

You let your other hand come up and roll her left nipple between your fingers as her hips begin to buck into your mouth. 

“Jake, I’m close, I don’t want it to be over…” she whines.

“I know baby, me either. You feel so fucking good on my tongue, wanna stay here forever. But I want you to cum for me. Want to make you feel good. Miss hearing my girl say my name.” you coax.

As you continue to flick your tongue across her clit you feel her legs snap up around you, and her walls tighten against your fingers. With a blow of cold air against her clit and reattaching your lips to suck it into your mouth, your name is echoing through the house as she releases onto your tongue. She rides the high for a minute or two, before letting her legs fall back to the side. You place a kiss on her groin and slide off the bottom of the bed to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. 

When you return you see her sitting up in the bed, waiting for you to come back. 

“Here, I tried to wait for the water to warm up, I just didn’t want to be too long.” you say, handing her the cloth. 

A few minutes later she is pulling her shorts back on, and fixing the strap of her top. 

She stands up from the bed and grabs her pillow, before attempting to fix the sheets. You grab her hand as she starts to walk away, “No, nononono….please stay baby.” you plead.

She lets out a sigh, clearly conflicted about what to do. 

“The rules are already broken babe. Come back to bed. Let me hold you. Sleep so good with you here…” you beg.

She climbs back in and cuddles up next to you, letting another deep breath leave her lips.

“What’s wrong love, was it not good?” you ask.

“No, it was amazing, Jake…So good… I just…” she says, fighting off tears.

“What, tell me…” you breathe.

“I just love you so much and miss you so bad, and I feel like you’ll regret doing that in the morning. We have so much to work on and…” she says, a tear slipping out of her eye. 

“No. I will never, ever regret making you feel good. Not ever. I know we both decided we weren’t going to do that, and that we were going to take things slowly and give ourselves time. But we live together, and we are bound to slip up. It’s human nature. I’m attracted to you and you’re attracted to me. I want to make you feel good and you want to make me feel good. As long as we don’t make it a habit, I think it’s okay. At least, I’m okay with it.” you giggle.

“No, you’re right. I just…feel like I am the one who should be…making amends.” she sniffles.

“Baby you’ve already made more amends than you know. Everyday we are getting better, even if it doesn’t feel like it. A small step forward is still a step. And I need to make amends to you too.” you say.

“Okay. I’m sorry I didn’t…you know.” she said. 

“Don’t be sorry, that was as satisfying for me as it was for you. You know that is one of my favorite things. I miss you too, you know. All of you. All the time.” you say, kissing her forehead. 

She twists around in your arms, fitting her body perfectly with yours. You pull the duvet up over the two of you, before sliding your hand under her top, and letting your thumb gently glide over the set of stars marked in her skin. It’s not long before she is passed out in your arms. And as you held her close, you closed your eyes feeling perfectly content to stay right here with her, like this, for the rest of your life.

—

You startled awake, sitting up in the bed to find her gone once again. You rested back down into the pillows, a familiar smell filling your nose causing your mouth to water. Surely not…

You grab your phone and look at the texts waiting for you, deciding none of them were more important than what was going on in your kitchen at the current moment.

You threw the duvet off of you and stood from the bed, hearing your joints pop and crack. You stretched your arms over your head with a yawn, before opening the bedroom door and peeking into the hallway. Soft music was playing from the kitchen speaker as you quietly made your way down the hallway. You stopped just short of the kitchen, standing back and watching as Y/N ladled pancake batter into the skillet as she hummed along quietly to the music.

You snuck up behind her, wrapping your arms around her waist as she jumped with surprise.

“Jake! Holy shit…” she pants.

“I thought part of this deal was that we were going to listen to Sam Cooke…” you growled into her neck as she flipped the pancakes.

“It’s a Sam Cooke playlist… Does that count?” she laughs.

You nodded and released her, walking over to the coffee pot, grabbing the mug she left for you and filling it to the top. You took a seat at the island, resting your elbows on the counter as you watched her continue to cook. She peered over her shoulder at you a few times just smiling, probably feeling the same way you were feeling. 

“I’ve decided you can’t wear that anymore.” you say, gesturing to her pajamas.

“What?” she asks, turning to face you.

“That little thing…If we are following the rules you cannot wear that…” you plead.

“Why, you like it?” she smirks.

“Something like that.” you say, raising your eyebrows.

“What happens when you find out I have like 5 more in different colors?” she asks.

“I become a tortured man.” you laugh.

“Okay tortured man, come get your pancakes.” she quips.

You stack them high on your plate, ready to completely devour the meal you'd been craving for weeks. As you sit across from her at the table you look up at her, smiling as she watches you eat.

“What?” you laugh.

“Nothing, you’re just…” she trails off.

“I’m what!” you prod.

“Sweet.” she smiles.

“Sweet, huh?” you say, dipping your finger in the syrup and swiping it over her lips playfully.

“Hey!” she says, swiping her syrup finger over your lips.

You tap her cheek, leaving a sugary sweet drop on her dimple as she laughs.

Next thing you know her finger is brushing your cheek, mirroring your actions. 

You both pause, looking at each other for just a second too long before she's launching into your lap and connecting your lips to hers. You wrap your sticky hands around her waist, pulling her down onto you as your tongue tastes the sweet maple sugar on her lips. 

Your hips press up into her causing a whimper to leave her mouth. She pulls away, staring at you so closely you can see your own reflection in her eyes, “Starting fresh.”

“Yes. Starting fresh.” you say, pulling her in for one more kiss. She lets her tongue swipe across your lips before peeking in ever so slightly. Suddenly she's pulling away, and standing from your lap, leaving your noticeable erection in open view. 

Her eyes flick down to it, and her breath catches before swallowing back her emotions. 

“Thank you for the pancakes... Same time next week?”

---

HER POV

“Baaaaabe!” You hear Jake call from his study. 

“Yeaaaaah?” You call back smiling, hearing his voice call you by your favorite name in the world again, making your insides do flips. 

“Josh is coming over in a little bit! Don’t be naked or anything!” He says. 

Jesus, Jacob. You laughed as you folded the laundry on the couch. You scoffed again, picking up a giant unfolded pile of his clothes and rushing through the house. You found him relaxed back in his giant leather chair, strumming away in nothing but his boxers. You snuck behind him, dumping all the clothing in your arms overtop of him before running away. 

“You don’t be naked!” You giggled as you ran back to the guest room and locked yourself away before he could jump up and catch you. 

“Hey! What the hell!” You heard him yell and chuckle as you heard his heavy footsteps hitting the wood floor toward you. You held your ear against the door to listen to him try and get in. He jiggled the old door handle, knocking quietly right against your ear on the other side. 

“Open up, love…you can’t get away that easily…” he muttered quietly, rapping his fingernails against the door. You giggled, staying quiet to see what his next move would be. “Y/N, you can’t stay in there all day…”

“Yeah I can, I’ve been doing it for the past few weeks…don’t underestimate me, babe.” You said through the door. 

You spoke on deaf ears, hearing his footsteps trail away. Ah. Guess he doesn’t want to play anymore. You walked backwards to the bed, sitting on it gently still waiting for something to happen. 

A few seconds later you heard the handle rustle again, as you watched it turn in completion, and the door slowly push open. He stood in the threshold, left arm full of wrinkled laundry, and his right hand lighted high, holding something small that hung from an old long piece of leather string. 

“You forget I’ve got a skeleton key, love?” He said through a sly smile. 

Oh shit. 

The pile of laundry was suddenly thrown back on you, making a mess of your perfectly made bed. He ran back out of the room as you gathered the clothes and ran off toward him for your revenge. You found him seated on the couch where you just were, silently folding the laundry left behind. He raised his eyebrows to you, knowing that he was in a place that you couldn’t get him. 

“Touché, Jake. Touché.” 

Just then you heard knocks on the front door as you saw the poof of Josh’s hair poke inside. “Hello! Anybody home? I come bearing gifts!”

You walked toward the door, meeting him there and taking a few things from his hands. “Hey! What’s going on?” You greeted him with a smile. 

“Nothing just stopped by the store and thought Jake might want these.” He said, pulling a pack of something out of a brown bag. Jake trodded into the kitchen, still in just his boxers, and started digging around in the bags. 

“Here, look what I found!” Josh said, throwing the pack through the air to Jake. He caught them and read the packaging. 

“Pedialyte popsicles?! I didn’t even know they made these!” Jake said, rushing to the freezer to throw them in. 

“Me neither. We used to tear a whole pack of those things up in one day as kids. Mom would keep extras in the freezer all summer long, remember?” Josh said, pulling more things from the bags. “And you’re probably still dehydrated, so. It’s a win win!”

“Thanks brother, I’m actually very excited to eat those. How are you feeling?” Jake asked. 

“Much better…my throat, though.” He said, grabbing across his neck. “Still scratchy as hell. I’m actually glad that we decided to take some time. I would’ve sounded like shit.” 

“You always sound like shit.” Jake quipped, popping some cashews into his mouth. 

“Fuck you, you sing then.” Josh said. 

“No, I don’t want to. I can’t anyway.” Jake said, pulling some gatorades from the plastic holder. 

“Yes you can, Jake are you joking?” You added. “You should hear yourself in the shower.”

He blushed a little. “Ahh, nah. Not my forte, unfortunately. Maybe one day.”

“One day like the next album, one day?” Josh said, silencing the room and raising one eyebrow to Jake. 

Jake stood puzzled. “Uhh, probably not, why? What is that brain of yours cooking up now?”

Josh stole the can of cashews from Jake’s hand. “Oh nothing, just had some cool thoughts about the next round.” 

“Uh huh, and?” Jake pressed. 

“I dunno. I’ve been wanting you guys to all sing with me for a long, long time. I know you know you can sing. Danny absolutely doesn’t care to, Sam only agreed to backup, which is good too. I dunno, the fans always go nuts when you even speak, thought it might be cool to do something a little more intimate maybe.” You watched Jake’s face as he listened to Josh talk, his own wheels spinning. 

“Like something acoustic?” He added. 

“Exactly.” 

“Hm. That might be a really neat switch up. Very interesting.” He said, leaning his elbows on the countertop. “Could bring back some oldies, even…” 

“Yes, I was thinking that too. We already know the basic premise of this next one, and how we wanna do it. It’d be really cool to touch back to the past a little bit. Really reconnect with the roots of things, you know?” Josh said, licking his teeth. “Anyway, that’s for a later discussion. Just thought I’d put it in your head.”

“I’ll definitely think about it. I hate to be a bad host, but I’m gonna go take a nap. These meds are still kicking my ass.” Jake said, running his hand through his hair. 

“Goodnight brother.” Josh said, continuing to pull some random items out and put them into the fridge. 

“You can hang out, Josh. If you wanna. I’m just bustling around the house today.” You said, wanting some company from him. You still felt like you needed to continue to connect with Josh, letting him see that you were serious this time. 

The two of you went to sit on the porch, taking a couple of wine spritzers with you. Josh insisted that they were good, so you pulled out the red that Jake had gotten you last night and threw a little ice and sprite overtop. To your surprise, he was right. 

“It’s warm today, huh?” He said, making his way to the porch swing.

“Yeah, it is. Kinda weird for March…” you let the conversation rest while you swang, watching the barren tree limbs sway in the wind. “Josh, I have a question. And be honest, okay?” You said, turning to face him. 

“Okay, shoot.” He said. 

“Do you think I should really come on tour with you guys? I mean, after everything, and Jake and I wanting to give each other space…I don’t know. I didn’t tell him I was thinking about it, but. I just wanted your opinion.” You relented. 

He sighed, tilting back the last of his spritzer. “You kind of don’t have a choice, babe. Remember that little piece of paper you signed?” He winced, not wanting to remind you of your contract. 

Shit. “Yeah, I remember that. I just…want to give him what he needs. And if I’m there all the time, ya know.”

“I know. I get it. Maybe this can be like, your all’s first challenge together. If you’re both wanting to grow and start fresh, this can be what tests you the most. Maybe look at it like that.” He said, offering an alternative thought process. “Maybe look at it as a blessing in disguise, that you each still get to be with your favorite person, watching over each other  while growing together. Growing into the person each of you needs. Think of it like that.” He smiled. 

Hmm. You really hadn’t looked at it that way. 

“That’s actually a good way to put it, Josh. Everything with us has always been cut and dry, we’ve given each other more heartache than I care to admit. Me more on the giving side of it than him. And I don’t know, I’m just. Ready to be away from that version of myself.” You said, being completely honest. “I’m tired of her. I’m too young to be wasting my good years on being a bad person.” 

He looked to the sky again, before he took a short breath. “Do you love yourself, Y/N?” 

Your face fell. Your stomach fell, your entire body felt shifted by that question. Wow, you’d never asked yourself?

Your expression scrunched up. You looked away into the trees again as the breeze picked up, pushing some forgotten leaves across the yard. 

“No, Josh. I don’t think I do…” you whispered, admitting it to yourself and him at the same time. You felt a spring of tears well up in your eyes, drowning your eyesight. 

You felt his hand rest on the back of your neck, his touch feeling similar to Jake’s, but in a more comforting way. “Well then, how do you expect to give all your love to him when you don’t even have enough to give yourself?” 

The tears fell harder now as you nodded, looking to him while catching them as they tumbled. “You’re right, I’ve never…I’ve never thought of that. Like that, before…I guess.” 

“Y/N, when was the last time you felt truly happy with yourself, by yourself, alone? Like everything was gonna be okay, everything was going to positively work out?” He asked, his fingers grazing your neck. 

You thought long and hard over the past few years, all the ups and downs, all the heartache. All the terror from Andy, the uncertainty with Sam, and with Jake, and the world you more recently chose to put yourself in. The one that brought you nothing but heartache. The bad decisions and the good ones, the true happiness and the times you put only yourself first instead of everyone else. 

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” You shook your head, truly unable to answer him. “I don’t think I can remember, Josh.”

He brought his lips between his teeth and bit them hard. “Well then, let’s start there.”

You looked to him, feeling confused. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s figure out ways to make you love yourself again. I know it’s in there, we’ve just gotta find it.” He said again through a smile, shaking his glass of watery ice. 

“We?” You asked. 

“Yeah, we. Us. We don’t have to tell anybody. Just our secret.” He said, training his eyes on the clouds moving quickly over the sun. 

You felt overcome. You didn’t deserve this…didn’t deserve him and his kindness. 

“Josh, I can’t let you do that, help me like this. I- this is my shit, not yours.” You complained.

“Shh. You love my brother, right?” He asked. 

“Yes, more than anything in the world.” Honestly. 

“And so we’re family, right?” He asked again. 

“Right, yes. But, Josh, you still should hate me right now, be so disappointed in me that you could hardly stand to be around me, the way I hurt him.” You said. 

“Hate is a big word, Y/N. And I don’t have enough room in my heart for it. I’d rather fill it up with good things, with love and acceptance. So that’s what I’m going to do for you. Fill my heart back up with love for you, even though it’s going to take me a while. I’m human. I’m still disappointed in you.” He sipped from his glass. “But I’ll take that journey. As long as you can promise me you’ll fill your heart back up with love for you. Does that make sense?” 

You nodded. “I think so, yeah, it does…”

“Love’s a two way street. And you owe it to him to give yourself enough grace to find it yourself. So you can repay him. He’s not at all innocent, either but. That’s another conversation.”

The two of you continued to swing, falling silent again as you watched birds walk through the grass, the cold ground giving them little sustenance. 

“You know Josh, they really don’t make them like you anymore, seriously. You’re a one in a million person. And I’m truly thankful for you.” You said, already feeling more at peace than you had in a while. 

He started laughing. “What? What’s so funny?” You asked, your remnant tears turning into giggles. 

“The universe didn’t make me one in a million, babe. It made me two in a million.” He joked. 

“Shut up!” You said, pushing his shoulder, laughing as hard as him now. 

“We’d be too much for one earthly body to handle anyway, yeah?” He said, throwing the rest of his now watered drink into the grass. 

“Yeah. I’m glad you guys split up in the womb. Now I can love you both double time.” You gave him a cheesy smile. 

He grinned hard. “Just make sure you give him a little bit more, okay? Promise?”

“I promise, Josh.” You put your hand over your heart. He clinked his empty glass with yours. 

“Do you ever feel like you’re only half of a person?” You asked him, catching him off guard. 

“Um, yeah actually. Sometimes.”

“When?” You pressed. 

“When I haven’t been around Jake in a while…I start to feel kinda. Strangely incomplete…? I guess is the best way of putting it. And like my compass starts to go haywire…”

“Like you never know which direction to take? Because none of them make sense until you’re back with him?” You answered blankly, eyes fixed on a knot in the wood of the porch. 

“Yeah, exactly like that, actually…Why?” he trailed off. 

You perked up, moving your eyes to meet with his. “No reason, just. Wondering.” 

“Shall we have another?” He asked. 

“Absolutely, if you’re offering!” You said, getting up to follow him back into the house. 

After mixing another round, you both retreated back to the porch swing again, talking about life and music and traveling, all the places you were excited to visit. 

“Have you ever kept a journal, Y/N?” He asked. 

You crunched a large piece of ice. “No, I don’t think I have. Not since I was a kid.”

“Maybe you should. Might help you out a little. Also would be cool for my nieces and nephews to have a day-by-day account of their parents’ journey on the Dreams in Gold circus, huh?” He said, raising his eyebrows and drink into the air. 

You felt your body warm, and your cheeks grow pink, the lump in your throat growing too large to ignore.

“I’ll go get one tomorrow. Promise.”

——

After a couple more spritzers and really good conversation with Josh, you found yourselves relaxed still on the porch swing, letting the warm air take you away. You’d thrown your legs over his lap now as you swung, talking more and more about nothing at all. The sun was beginning to set, and the warm glow of the early spring sunlight was illuminating everything it touched. 

“Your eyes turn caramel in the sun just like Jake’s do.” You told him as he swung. 

“Ah, thank you dahling. Aren’t they pretty?” He joked as he flicked his long eyelashes at you over and over. “Speaking of, that jackass has been asleep for hours. He sleep like this a lot?” 

“Yeah, his medicine makes him exhausted. I’m just glad he’s resting.” You said. 

“Yeah, me too. Hey, yoga tomorrow at 9am. Wanna go?” Josh asked. 

You sighed. “Yeah, sounds good to me. Gotta start somewhere, huh?”

“Yep. You’ll love it, I promise. Also, what do you think about maybe doing a family dinner tomorrow? Like old times, everybody really misses each other.” He suggested. 

“Oh, yes please! I think that would be great. I miss family dinners. Everyone can come here?” you said. 

“Perfect! You think Jake will be up for cooking?” He asks. 

“He will be if we tell him he is…” you laughed, sipping the last of your spritzer. 

——

JAKE POV

You can hear her voice, it's muffled and jumbled and you can’t quite make out any words, but you know it’s hers. You can almost picture her, floating above you reaching her hand out to have you follow her into an unknown place where the two of you can just exist together, and nothing bad ever happens. 

Your eyes crack open, the room bathed in the light coming in between the curtains. You yawn as you realize how long you had slept. You heard her voice again, and figured out her voice was drifting into your dream, as she sat on the porch talking to Josh. He must not have left after you went to sleep. 

You got up and walked over to the front door, but just as you were about to open it you stopped yourself. Whatever they were talking about seemed almost…private. You peeked out the window and saw him talking to her, using his hands as he explained whatever it was they were talking about, and you smiled. You loved seeing him talk to her. Bond with her. You hoped he loved her too. 

As you walked up the stairs you let your mind drift off, wondering what would have happened if you never left that hospital. Would he have helped her? Would she have helped him? Would they have made it through something like that? You couldn’t imagine the roles reversed. You’d never be the same without him. 

You walked into the spare room, sitting down at your desk, so carefully crafted with art supplies, seeing the new paint and brushes sitting at the top. You smiled, thinking back to last night, and how excited she was to show you all of the things she bought you. It felt good to know that you were on her mind just as much as she was on yours. 

You knew your fans were on pins and needles waiting to hear any kind of update after the cancelation of the shows. You were going to write to them, and tell them everything. Give them hope that you would be back, and stronger than before. Because truthfully, you would. 

You grabbed a pen and your sketchbook, opening it up and flipping through to find the first blank page. You spent the next thirty minutes meticulously crafting a letter of hope and resilience in the face of uncertainty, and you hoped your message came through. You signed your name with all the love you had, and capped your pen, carefully tearing the page from the book. 

As you went to close the book, you flipped through, seeing a few old drawings you started and abandoned, telling yourself you'd come back to them one day, but always having a reason not to. But one, your favorite one, was finished. You stared at it, taking in the curves of her body as you drew them that night from memory, wishing now, that you could go back.

Something caught your eye in the very bottom left hand corner, something that looked like pencil markings from the other side of the paper. Puzzled, you flipped it over to find something that tore your heart to shreds with the first words.

To my Jake…

I never knew you’d drawn this…drawn me, in such a perfect way that I really don’t resemble in the least. 

If I could re-pose, and have you draw me from memory again, I’d be filled with holes, and tears and scratches…because that’s how I feel right now. Like I don’t deserve to be looked at in the light that you always saw me in. 

I’m so sorry I did what I did.

I’m so sorry I can’t take it back.

And I’m so sorry I never got to be the picture of perfection that you always said I was.  

Thank you for being the best thing in my life.

I’ll never love another thing as much as I love you..

You’ll never leave my mind.

She loves you, always.

Then perfectly at the bottom, a lyric from the song you danced to in the kitchen, not long before both of your worlds were changed forever. 

‘Honey, nothin’…nothin’ can ever change this love I have for you…’

It felt like your heart had been ripped from your chest. How could she ever think she was anything less than perfect? Sure she had made her share of mistakes but you didn’t realize how deep those wounds were for her. She had to have written this before you left for Michigan. When you left her here sad and alone without a second thought. Before you said all of those terrible things. You had only made it worse for her. 

 You knew she wrote this with hopes that one day you would find it. That one day when she was long gone and a distant memory, maybe you’d forgive her for what she did. She never thought it would be this soon, or that she’d still be here, or that you’d already forgiven her. Though you hadn’t told her that, it was true. It was true the second you saw her in that hospital. 

You gently ripped the page from the leatherbound book and read it over and over, her heartfelt ode to you made in some of her darkest days. You pushed your chair back standing and grabbing your letter and hers, making your way downstairs. You found your way into your study, examining the walls, looking for a frame to repurpose. You grabbed the thick gold frame near the door, and popped the back off of it, pulling the magazine cover out and tossing it on the couch. You grabbed her letter, and placed it inside before securing the back again and hanging it on the wall. 

You took a step back and swallowed your emotions, seeing her love for you, physically hanging on the wall in front of you. Something you could look at every single day and know was real. 

You grabbed the old magazine and placed it on your bookshelf, before grabbing your letter and clearing your throat. You walked to the front door twisting the knob and stepping out into the slightly warmer than normal air. 

“Well there he is…” Josh crooned.

“Yeah, yeah, I told you, that shit makes me tired.” you said, stepping up to the two of them on the swing.

“So I wrote this, I was going to post it on my instagram later if you think it’s okay.” you said, nervously handing the note to Josh.

He raises his eyebrows at you and begins to read it. You nervously flick your eyes over to Y/N, seeing her pink cheeks and a buzzed smile on her lips.

“Sleep okay?” she grins.

“Yeah, was a little cold though.” you say sending her a wink.

“I think this sounds great Jake. But I have to ask which version of Thesaurus you’re using, because I don't think mine has some of these words in it.” he says handing the paper back to you.

“Kiss my ass.” you quip, snatching the paper from him. 

“Can I read it?” she asks looking up at you.

You hand it to her watching her eyes read over each line. 

“It’s perfect Jake.” she smiles.

“You think I should post it?” you ask.

“Yeah, people are going to absolutely flood your socials though, but you already know that.” Josh laughs.

“That I do.” you smile. “Okay, I’m gonna go post it and then…I’ll start on something for dinner. Josh you staying?” you ask.

“Nah, I’m about to head out, but hey, I’ll swing by tomorrow and pick you up okay?” he says, tapping Y/N’s knee. 

“Yep! I’ll be ready!” she smiles, both of them standing up from the swing. 

“Later!” he says, skipping down the steps to his car. 

You open the front door, letting her walk in as you wave him off and shut the door behind you.

—

You watched the comments filled with love and encouragement roll in as you sat at the table eating. You flipped your phone over, and continued to eat, as she looked over to you.

“Does it ever get annoying?” she asks.

“What, my phone?” you ask.

“Yeah, just the constant notifications and stuff.” she says.

“No, not annoying. You just have to know how to manage it and you’re golden. There were once days where we wished people would just leave one comment on our post. Just like one of our videos. Share our music with their friends. Now look. I wish I could respond to every single comment or message but, I would be buried in seconds. I just mute my notifications, and when I get bored I will look through them. Usually on the bus after a show when my adrenaline is still high. I see people's posts from the shows and all that. Kind of exciting. Feels like we made it, ya know?”

“Jake, you guys are playing with Metallica in a few weeks. You’ve most definitely made it!” she laughs. 

“Yeah, that’s true. Sometimes I can’t believe it myself. I always wonder what life would be like if we never made it out of the garage. If I never dragged Josh and Sam in there in the first place.” you ponder.

“Guess we’ll never know.” she says, smiling. 

“Oh, Josh and I were talking about maybe reinstating family dinner night?” she says.

“Were you… I was wondering what you two were talking about out there.” you reply.

“What do you think about everyone coming over here tomorrow night. Danny and Sammy miss you.” she says, knowing exactly how to pull on your heartstrings.

“Mmmm…Okay, yeah I can probably do that.” you agree. 

“Maybe we can make that spaghetti sauce tomorrow and have that for dinner?” she asks.

“You wanna help me make it?” you ask.

“Yes!” she says.

“Are you sure…It takes all day…” you taunt.

“Yes, Jacob…” she grins.

“Okay. Sounds like a plan. I can text the guys.” you say grabbing your phone.

“I’m going to yoga with Josh in the morning, then I am your sous-chef all day…”  she says as she grabs your empty plate. “I’ll clean up tonight. You go relax.” 

“You sure, love?” you ask.

“Yep, take a popsicle!” she giggles.

“You know what I think I will.” you say, opening the freezer and tearing one from the package. You stare at her for a second, dying to kiss her, but taking a deep breath instead and turning on your heels to head down the hallway.

—

A little while later as you are flipping through the pages of your book, you hear the guest room door open and smile. You sit up in your bed and push your glasses onto your head, folding the page to keep your place. 

A few seconds later you hear a gentle knock at your door and see her head peek in. 

“Jake?” she calls out.

“Hello stranger…” you reply.

She steps into the room, in a big t-shirt and a pair of shorts, her hair hanging damp around her shoulders. 

“Just coming to see if my nightly attire is more suitable for your liking.” she says.

“Come here, let me get a better look.” you tease.

She walks over to the side of your bed, sitting on the edge as you look her up and down. 

“Well, this is one of my favorite things to see you in, though I prefer the no shorts version.” you say tugging on her shirt. “This definitely leaves more to my imagination, though to be completely honest I am still picturing you in the other thing, so it doesn’t really matter.” you laugh. “I’m wholeheartedly convinced you could wear a potato sack and I would still want you.”

She laughs and pushes your shoulder back, seeing the book on your chest. 

“Do you like it? Is it good so far?” she asks.

“It’s so good. So so good, can hardly put it down.” you admit. 

“You want to just read your book tonight? Those drinks earlier have me feeling a little sleepy anyways…” she says.

“Whatever you wanna do baby, up to you.” you answer. 

“I mean, I really do want to watch our show but I don’t know if I will even make it five minutes if I lay down in this bed…” she says. 

“So?” you question.

“So, we can’t keep sleeping together…” she says.

“Why not?” you ask.

“Because…I don’t know… we aren’t together. We shouldn’t be sleeping together. I don’t know, it makes sense in my head. It’s been like every night since we got back…” she tries to reason.

“Hmmm. I see your point. But the first night was an accident, and last night was… well, whatever that was. If you want to sleep separately that's fine, I just…know we both sleep better together.”

“Well I don’t want to, but I feel like we have to.” she says.

“I’m playing by your rules here, so again, your call, I'm fine either way.” you respond. 

“Okay, how about we watch one, but if I fall asleep you wake me up, and I will go to the guest room?” she asks.

“Okay.” you nod.

“Okay.” she says.

You close your book and glasses and set them on the nightstand, turning on the TV and turning off your lamp. She walks around to the other side of the bed, claiming her place as the episode starts. 

By the 10 minute mark you look over and see her completely passed out. She wasn’t kidding. You pause the episode and turn off the TV, pulling the blankets up over her arms as a gentle snore leaves her chest. 

You reach over and grab your book and glasses, turning the lamp back on, careful to see if it wakes her up, and when it doesn't you find your place in your book and listen to her quiet breathing as you drift back into the pages. 

An hour or so later, you find your eyelids growing heavy, and she has barely moved. You put your things back on the nightstand, and turn off the lamp. You roll over towards her, and smooth your hand over her peaceful face, causing her eyelids to crack open. 

“Hey baby…you fell asleep…” you whisper.

She groans as she shuts her eyes closed tight. 

“Do you want to go back to your room?” you ask. 

“Noooo….” she whines. 

“You told me to wake you up. You don’t want to sleep in here with me, remember?” you say, trying to gently remind her. 

She doesn’t respond, instead grabbing your hand to try and quell you. 

“Y/N…” you whisper.

“Shhhhh…..” she breathes pulling herself closer to you. You feel guilty that you’re letting her go back on what she said she wanted but you weren’t going to pass this up.

Giving it one last attempt you run your hand up her arm, “You want me to carry you in there?” you ask.

“No, gonna stay here…” she mumbles.

You give in, wrapping your arms around her, pulling her tightly into you as you feel her body relax. 

“Don’t want you to be mad at me in the morning, love.” you breathe.

“Not mad. Start fresh tomorrow. Start over tomorrow…” she says, right before falling back asleep.

You pull her close to rest on your shoulder, kissing her forehead as you release a relaxed breath, “Yeah baby, we can start fresh tomorrow…”

—

The sound of rummaging in your closet woke you from your dreamless sleep, and the blurriness that covered your eyes only half revealed her silhouette fingering through your hangers. 

“Whatcha doin sunshine?” You growled, chest still heavy from the lingering cough. 

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I’m just…heading to yoga with Josh and I was gonna borrow a flannel. It’s not cold enough for a jacket, and not warm enough for nothing…ah, here it is.”

You grinned as you sat up, finally seeing her full figure in plain view. “And who says you can steal my clothes anytime you want?” You joked. 

She slipped the oversized shirt on her arms as she walked toward your side of the bed, clad in tight black leggings and a beige sports bra. You felt your eyes grow huge as she came into better view. 

“The person that does all your laundry, I’d suppose.” She winked as she tapped your nose with her pointer finger. 

“Uhh, are you wearing that? To yoga? Can I come? I don’t want to participate I just wanna…y’know, watch…” you had no shame in letting your eyes travel up and down her body, taking in the sight of her. 

“There’s not much to watch, Jake. What do you mean?” She asked as she sat on the bed to slip on her tennis shoes. 

“I dunno, you just look…really good…today.” You felt your mouth salivating as you watched her bend to tie her shoelaces, an act so mundane but had you absolutely enraptured. Yeah, you’ve still got it bad. So, so bad. 

She stood up from the bed, turning to face you again. Her barely-covered midriff was right in front of your face, and it took everything in you not to wrap your arms around her, grab her ass and pull her forward…

“Well thank you, babe. That’s nice. And yes, you can come to yoga, but you have to participate. And I don’t think you want to do that, do you?” She said softly, trailing her fingertip lightly down your cheek and under your chin, lifting it to look her in the eyes. You felt yourself physically gulp. 

“No, but can you show me what you learned when you get home tonight? Maybe like, don’t change clothes…and maybe, here, on the bed?” You rubbed your hand along the sheets, smiling as you talked your talk. 

She giggled hard. “No Jake, that’d be breaking the rules. But maybe once I’m an expert, I can show you what I’ve learned without my workout clothes on. You know… how flexible I’ve gotten?”

Jesus Christ…

“Yeah. Yes, please. Go on, you’re gonna be late. Go become an expert, like... Tomorrow. Go…” you pushed her out of the way, urging her to go in before you let your urge get the best of you. 

“I’ll see you later, don’t forget your pills! Last ones and you’re a free man!” She laughed as she bounded out your bedroom door, her braid swinging down her back as she left. 

HER POV

You climbed into the passenger side of Josh’s car at promptly 8:35am, throwing your backpack into the backseat. 

“Morning! I got you a juice from that new place downtown, they’re so fuckin' good, I had to share.” He said, pointing to the cup holder. 

“Oh my god, Josh! That’s so nice of you, you didn’t have to do that!” You said, picking up the small cup full of bright green liquid. “What’s in it?”

“I dunno, kale and greens and carrots and shit. But it’s really good. I’m keeping it a secret from Sam so he doesn’t claim he found out about it first.” He said, pulling his sun visor down to block the morning rays. “So, you can buy your mat there, they sell nice ones for pretty cheap. And you’ll get to meet our instructor, Ms. Opal. She’s been doing this for like 25 years. She owns the place, too.”

“Perfect. I’m really excited!” But you were also nervous, and anxious to be starting something so new, and so out of your comfort zone. But you had Josh by your side, so you knew it was going to be great no matter what. 

He drove you down some backstreets that twisted and turned, until you finally pulled through a cluster of old Oak trees, revealing a tiny cottage-like structure that looked too old to be in the middle of the now bustling town. It had an old wooden front porch, an orange door, and wind chimes hanging from the roof of the porch, catching the sun and sending tiny rainbows all over the parking area. 

There were a few other cars there, but not many. As you walked inside, you could smell the faint smell of patchouli and Nag Champa, and the sound of peaceful flute music playing from a room in the distance. All of the doors and windows were open, despite the chilly morning air. Immediately upon entering the cottage, you felt an overwhelming peace that you could hardly even describe. 

“Joshua, my love! How are you this morning? I thought you wouldn’t be joining us for a few months?” A middle-aged woman came floating into the room, two long gray braids falling in front of her shoulders, her dark-complected face worn with years of smiling too much. She brought Josh into a big and friendly hug, her presence and energy matching Josh’s so perfectly you could cry. 

“Morning Ms. Opal…little change in plans, we’ll be here for a little bit longer. Ah, this is my friend, well, sister, really. Y/N.” He introduced you. “We’re going to do the beginner’s class today.”

“Hello, child. A beginner, hmm? It’s so great to meet you!” She brought you in for a warm hug, too, moving her hand up and down your back like she’d known you for years. “I hope you’re excited to be here, it’s a beautiful morning. And, the moon is a waxing crescent tonight, perfect timing to bring her to me, Joshua.” She winked to him. 

“I am excited, ma’am. It’s so nice to meet you, too.” You offered her your kindest smile. Josh walked you over to pick out the perfect new mat, and to enroll you in the beginners classes. You entered the room, along with just a few other people who seemingly didn’t know, or didn’t care, that they were in the presence of a famous rock star. You flattened your mat out in the corner. Josh placed his mat and himself next to you taking a seat at the base of his mat. 

He looked your way, giving you a soft smile. “You ready?”

——

JAKE POV

The security system chimed as the front door opened, your eyes shooting to the clock on the wall. 

Shit.

You jumped up from the couch and turned off the TV knowing she was going to be stepping in any second. You looked around the room looking for anything you could pick up to make it seem like you were productive while she was gone, and hadn’t sat on the couch flipping through Premier League games all morning. 

“Hi!” she says, tossing your flannel on the couch.

“Hey, how was your yoga class…” you said, resting against the door jam.

“Actually, it was so great. I wasn’t sure about it but, the instructor was so nice and so helpful, and Josh really knows his stuff too. I will definitely be going back.” she smiled.

“You were gone for a while, how long are those things?” you joked.

“Oh, it was only an hour but I stopped at the store to get this…” she said, pulling a small blue journal from a plastic bag. “Josh said he thought it might be helpful for me to keep a journal, so… we went and got one after class before he dropped me off.” 

“Cool baby…He has always had one, not surprised he suggested that.” you laugh. 

“Yeah, might be cool to look back on one day and see what was going on in our lives.” she said, walking over to you. 

“We gonna start that sauce soon?” she asks, stepping in front of you. 

You let your hands grip into her bare waist and pull her closer, “Mmmhm…but you…are gonna have to change or stay far, far away from me.” you growl.

“You have seen me wear this stuff a million times Jake, what is your deal?” she laughs. 

“Well, seeing you in it and knowing I can’t have you makes it about a million times worse.” you admit, sliding your hands down to her hips.

She sighs and steps back, heading towards the guest room, “Hopefully soon…I’m gonna take a shower, then we can start okay?”

You nod your head and release a deep breath as you watch her disappear into her room, wishing you were the one taking her clothes off.

—

Sadly, she did change, but still she was tempting you, in a little green dress you’d seen before, years ago. It tied at her shoulders and hit just at the middle of her thigh. So simple but still had your brain begging you to take it off of her. 

You stood at the island finishing chopping the vegetables to dump into the simmering sauce, as she prepared the salad and put it in the fridge. 

“It smells so good, I am starving…” she whined. 

“It is always hard to wait, but it’s always worth it.” you winked.

“Should we do something with those beets tomorrow?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah, I will google some recipes tonight and we can pick. Sound good?” you ask.

“Before or after our show?” she smiles.

“I don’t know, someone couldn’t keep their eyes open last night. Didn’t even make it ten minutes…” you quip.

“Ugh, I know…but I told you I didn't think I would…” she says, placing the cutting board into the sink. 

“Mmhmm… then you didn’t want to leave…” you said, flicking your eyes up to her as you slid the vegetables into the pot. 

She turned around quickly pretending to ignore you. 

“You know you don’t have to stay in the guest room…” you lilt.

“No. No. I do.” she says, trying to convince herself. You smirk as you shake your head, wondering how much longer it will be before she caves. 

“Okay baby, whatever you want.” you say, stirring the aromatic sauce. 

She makes her way over to the pantry, grabbing a bottle of red wine from the shelf and spins to face you with a smile.

“Is it time?” she asks, cheerfully.

“Yeah lover, go ahead I’m not stopping you.” you encourage. 

“Well, you finished your pills…You can have some with me?” she asks.

“Oh yeah, I guess you’re right aren’t you?” you say rubbing your chin, “Pour me up, we can toast to good health.”

She grabs two glasses from the cabinet and hands you the bottle to remove the cork. She takes it back from you pouring the crimson wine into the glasses. 

You each take one and tap them together, as she smiles and says, “So glad you didn’t leave us Jake…”

You sip the sweet red and look at her, “Could never leave my girl…”

—

As the sun started to set, a knock at the door had both of you turning to look. 

“I’ll grab it.” you said, mind already fuzzy from just two glasses of wine. Damn had you really been out of the game this long?

You twisted the knob seeing Sam and Elle bounding inside with smiles on their faces. Elle wrapped her arms around your neck and hugged you tight. “Oh my gosh! You look so much better Jakey, so glad you are feeling better!” 

She let go and scampered off to the kitchen to find Y/N. Sam stepped in and shut the door behind him with a nervous smile.

“Hey Sammy boy…” you said, voice a little gravely.

“Jake.” he nods.

You saw his lips turn upward with hope, his eyes still flicking around, nervous to make eye contact with you. He thinks you hate him. Time to fix this.

“Hey come in here with me real quick.” you said, nodding towards the study.

He swallows nervously and follows you inside, sitting down on the couch. You walk over to the bar car and hold up a bottle of scotch towards him, “Care to partake?” you ask.

He shrugs his shoulders and nods, as you grab two glasses and pour a finger of the alcohol. You walk over to the couch taking a seat next to him as you hand him his glass. 

You let out a deep breath as you relax into the cushion, “Listen Sammy, I know things seem fucked up. They are. I know I was harsh the other night, I was still really mad. At you, at her, at myself for how I reacted. At the situation I was in. I have had a little bit of time to think about it and I just need you to know that I forgive you. I’m not saying that it’s okay, it’s definitely not, but I am saying I want to move forward. Y/N are working through this. I want you and I to work through this. You're my little brother. My band mate. I don’t want you to feel like you need to walk on eggshells around me. Everything's out in the open now. Part of me feels just as guilty for planning to sleep with your girl. None of us are innocent. I love Y/N, and I love you, and I want all of us to be happy again, okay? I found out that life is short, and I’m not gonna spend it hating two of my favorite people.”

He nods his head and sips the scotch, “I really am sorry Jake. Neither of us were in our right minds. We both knew it was a mistake. I know that both of us wish we could take it back. I know that we can’t, but I can tell you I’m sorry, really truly sorry. In the hospital… shit Jake, you scared me so bad. I kept thinking about losing you and what I did, and how it left you and Y/N, and you couldn’t even see her and… I never hated myself more than in that moment. I begged God or whoever was listening to let you pull through. To not let you lose that lung. Just wanted to hear you tell me to fuck off one more time.” he laughed. 

“Anyways, I’m planning to talk to Elle about it soon. Want to clear the air with everyone, make things right. Whatever that is going to cost me. Want to do right by you, too. Need to keep you around. Not gonna do this life without ya.” he smiles nervously.

“Well, consider it cleared between us. I love you. Promise I’m not gonna leave ya, okay?” you say, putting your hand on his shoulder.

“Okay. Love you too.” he says shyly. “Wow, can’t believe we have said we love each other, again. Someone call Guinness!”

You shake your head and stand from the couch, raising your eye brows and smiling as you head towards the kitchen, “Fuck off…”

—

As you all stand around the kitchen island you hear the front door open and see Josh walking in with a bag of wine bottles.

“Hellooooo….” his nasally new accent rings through the house.

“Oh god, he is doing his Elle voice!” Y/N laughed, putting her hand on Elle’s arm.

“His what?!” she scoffs.

“He started doing this new voice and I’m so sorry but it sounds just like you when you get tipsy.” Y/N says, laughing. “Me and Danny were talking about it the other day.”

You poke your head around the door frame to signify your location as he joins you all in the kitchen. 

“I brought some bev-era-jiss for the gai-ls…” he continues, placing the bag on the counter.

You raise an eyebrow to him and smirk, “What a lovely mustache you have, ma’am.”

“Oooh, yiss, tank you, I must cawl my waxa with the sticky pay-pas…” he smiles.

“We are not twins. There is just no fucking way.” you laugh, hearing the door chime again and Danny’s booming voice fill the hall.

“Hope you don’t mind I brought a friend…” he says, stepping into the kitchen with Logan behind him.

No fucking way.

“Hey dude, nice place!” he says looking around the house.

“Yeah, no problem at all, sup man.” you say shaking his hand. 

“Oh my gosh! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming!” Y/N says, making her way over to give him a hug.

It’s fine. It’s totally cool.

Sam shoots you a side smirk, clearly knowing exactly what you’re thinking.

“I think everything is ready if we want to eat!” Y/N says.

“Yeah, everybody grab a plate, help yourselves.” you say, motioning towards the stove.

Y/N makes her way over to you, leaning her head onto your shoulder as you both watch everyone happily fill their plates with the food the two of you prepared together, in the house you shared, and you smiled. She loves you, always.

—

“So Logan, I heard you’ve worked some pretty cool gigs…” Sam said, striking up conversation as he twirled his spaghetti.

Great, here we go…

“Well, yeah, right out of college I apprenticed with this guy Chuck, who was managing crew for Foreigner. Went all over with them. Those guys have still got it, let me tell you. Busted my ass on that tour.” he laughs. “But it was great experience. Chuck got me in touch with someone else when the tour ended and I ended up going out with Joan Jett and her crew for a while. Just a short tour but that somehow ended up getting me on tour with Paul McCartney this last year. Man is a wealth of knowledge in the industry.”

“Paul McCartney?! Dude, you didn’t tell me that!” Danny says, dropping his fork.

“Yeah man, really nice guy. Super funny, plays jokes on his crew all the time.” he said. 

Okay so he worked with Paul McCartney, big deal. Probably doesn’t even know his music. 

“Damn I am so jealous, and now you’re with us, what a downgrade.” Sam laughed.

“No, actually, the few shows I have done with you guys have been phenomenal. Of course we’ve had a few hiccups to work out, but when we hit the road again, it’s gonna be golden. No pun intended.” he laughed, granting him a chuckle from Josh. 

You shot a look at Josh silently telling him not to laugh at his well timed jokes, to which Josh rolled his eyes. 

“So Logan, you listen to any McCartney after working with him?” you asked, ready to put him on the spot. 

“You know what, after hearing the songs he played on tour I have to say, I was a bit disappointed he didn’t play some of his deep cut stuff. I was hoping for some good shit to pop up every once in a while, but of course he had to stick to the classics. The man keeps a stacked setlist though, plays like 40 something songs a night.”

“Jesus Christ, I can barely make it through twelve.” Josh laughs.

“But, to answer your question, yeah I listen to the good stuff.” he says.

You smirk, “What’s your favorite album?” you ask, knowing he is going to pick something generic. There’s no way he actually likes good McCartney. Wings McCartney.

He sets down his fork and looks at you with a smirk, “Ahhh, most definitely Ram, but Wild Life is a close fucking second.”

Fuck me, maybe he does.

“And you know what, this may be somewhat of a controversial opinion, but his work with Linda and Wings was some of his most brilliant stuff. Venus and Mars? Iconic…”

You took a breath, trying to seem unphased, “Yeah I’m going to have to agree.”

“And Jakey finally has a challenger…” Danny taunts.

“Challenger?” Logan questions.

“Yeah, like, no one can go head to head with Jake when it comes to music trivia.” he explains.

“Oh…” he laughs, “Try me…” he says.

“I will. I will. Everyone has their weakness.” you smirk.

“Wait, speaking of Ram, has Y/N ever made you her famous monkberry moon delight drink?” he asks.

“No….” you answer, confused. 

“Oh shit she used to make it all the time in college...it was her specialty drink. Everybody loved it. Y/N! Can we make monkberries soon?!” he asked, turning to her.

“Y/N you have to!” Danny said. 

“Yeah, I want to try this famous drink, babe.” you said, making sure he heard you. 

“Oh my god yeah! I forgot about that. I can definitely make it! But, actually Jake, I don’t think you’d like it…not really your style.” she said, turning to you.

“You think so, huh? Haven't met a liquor drink I didn’t like…” you say.

“Well maybe I will make it for us soon. Next off day when we are on the road.” she smiles.

“Y/N, remember when you made it for that party and we carried that cooler in through the rain…I swear that thing weighed 100 pounds…” he laughed.

“Oh my god yes, and I slipped and you tried to catch me and you fell too and we almost spilled all of it?!” she laughed.

You felt yourself grow hot under the collar hearing about all the little memories they shared together.

He laughed and smiled, “Yeah, yeah, and then we got so fucked up on it we made Chris Horath drive us out to Frain Lake to go to that orchard because we were convinced we were going to steal apples and put them in the drink and it would taste even better!”

“Holy shit I totally forgot about that! We ended up lost as fuck in that cornfield in Ypsi! Made it back into civilization and stopped in a Meijer parking lot while I puked my guts out.” she laughed, damn near in tears. 

You swallowed down the words begging to leave your lips and sat back in your chair.

“God, that was so fun. Gotta love college right?” he said looking over at you.

“Wouldn’t know. Was busy touring the world with my band.” you spit.

“Annnyways, speaking of hitting the road, Sammy and I are leaving tomorrow to drive up to Cape Cod for his birthday!” Elle says sweetly.

“Oh my gosh! That is going to be so nice, I have always wanted to go there! Take lots of pictures okay?!” Y/N says. 

“I’m excited, I’ve never been there either.” Sam says.

“It was kind of last minute. We were supposed to be in New Jersey on his birthday, so I figured I could try to throw something together, and this is what I came up with.” Elle replies.

“It’s perfect baby, I can’t wait.” Sam says, kissing her sweetly. 

“Also, happy birthday Sammy!” Y/N smiles at him.

“Thanks m’lady…” he laughs.

“Yeah Sam, we can hit up that game place you like when you get back, okay? All the tokens you want, my treat.” Danny said. 

“You got yourself a deal.” he said.

You began collecting up the empty plates and carrying them to the kitchen, Josh hot on your heels with another handful.

You started rinsing them in the sink as he stood next to you, leaning against the counter. 

“Dude…You can’t be serious.” he whispered.

“What?” you ask, pretending to be oblivious to what he was insinuating.

He huffs out a breath, “Have another drink and relax. We’re gonna talk later.” he says, slapping your back and rejoining the crew.

—

After a few more drinks, everyone found themselves huddled around the TV in the study arguing over Mario Kart. Y/N was in the middle of a deep and heated drunken debate with Danny about why they are called the Mario Brothers, when Luigi is just as important as Mario. You laughed as you watched her from the doorway, her cheeks pink from the bottle of red, as she drove her point home.

Josh appeared behind you, grabbing your arm and nodding towards the front porch. You grabbed your wine glass and followed him, taking a seat in the wooden chairs. The air had cooled just slightly, the hot summer weather looming as the days passed. He sat across from you in the matching chair, kicking his feet up onto the table. 

“What’s up Jake.” he asked, sipping his drink.

“What do you mean?” you ask dismissively. 

“It’s very clear to me that you are having some sort of internal pissing match with Logan. It’s written all over your face.” he says, challenging you to disagree.

“Nope. I’m fine.” you lied.

“Lie to me again, Jake.” he said.

“I just don’t like him just popping up out of nowhere, having all these inside jokes and shit with Y/N.” you admit.

“How come?” he asks, rubbing his mustache.

“I don’t know.” you mutter.

“I think you do…” he says.

You sigh, “I don’t know. I guess I just hate that he has something with her that I don’t. Which sounds stupid to say. She went back to college and left me and picked him up like I never existed. I thought about her everyday and she was busy partying with…him. Now he’s back in her life and I just feel…I don’t know, protective.” 

“And that's a valid way to feel. He was with her when you couldn’t be. Look at it that way. He watched out for her and was a friend to her… she came back to you, Jake. And as far as feeling protective over her…” he smirked, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” 

“Why’s that?” you ask.

“He’s just doesn’t strike me as a threat. They are just friends.” he says. 

“Whatever. I guess he is kind of cool. Likes good music.” you admit.

“I think the two of you have a lot more in common than you are willing to admit.” he raises an eyebrow.

“Okay whatever… are you done lecturing me?” you scoff.

“No, there is something else I want to talk to you about.” he says.

“And that would be?” you ask, tossing back the rest of your glass of wine.

“I was talking to Y/N yesterday, and I spent the morning with her today…She’s changing Jake. She is really, really trying. She is looking for any and every way to try and better herself. She has been incredibly open to everything I am throwing at her, and she is taking responsibility for her shit. I am really hopeful for you two and I don’t know if she has talked to you about it, but… she was thinking about stepping back from the tour.”

“What?!” you ask, sitting forward. 

“She wants to make sure she is giving you both space to heal and grow, and she said she felt like her being around wasn’t going to give you the space you need.” he says.

“No, no. She can’t drop out. Shit, I can’t leave her here. I don’t even want space. I’m just going along with whatever she wants to do because…fuck, because I don’t want to spend a single second without her.” you started to panic.

“Relax Jake. She isn’t going to. I talked her out of it. I wasn’t telling you that to freak you out. I was telling you that because I want you to understand how serious she is about trying to fix things with you. I don’t know exactly where you two stand,  but I hope that you are willing to be receptive to her wanting to mend things with you.” he says.

“I am, I know how she feels, and I finally believe her. I thought I knew how much she loved me before but…the past couple of weeks have really shown me. As much as I hate to say it, part of me feels like something like this had to happen for both of us to wake up and realize that we’re it for each other.” you say, rubbing your mouth.

“She wrote me this note…This horrible fucking note. A goodbye basically, telling me how sorry she was, that she could never see herself the way I saw her. That she didn’t deserve to. Fucking killed me. Bared her soul to me, left it on the back of a drawing, not knowing if I would ever see it. I know how much she loves me. I know how sorry she is. Her and Sam made a horrible mistake, but I will be goddamned if I don’t spend every second of forever reminding her that even though she has made mistakes, even though she is flawed, she has been and will always be perfect to me.”

“I know, brother. We all know…” he says.

It’s quiet between the two of you for a while, just staring out into the night watching the cars pass. 

“You know, dad gave me great-grandma Amelia's ring…” you say, breaking the silence.

He turns to look at you, “Is that so…”

“Yeah, when I went home…after everything. Made me feel sick. She was asleep on the fucking couch in the other room after we played pretend all day in front of mom and dad.”  you said. 

“Ouch.” he quipped.

“I didn’t want to take it. Wanted to tell him to give it to Sam. There was no thought in my head of ever wanting it.” you said.

“So what’d you do?” he asks, finishing his drink.

“I took it. Mom made me. Told me ‘ya never know when you might want it’. So I took it and now it’s burning a hole in my pocket. I think mom was right. I can’t stop thinking about it on her finger. But look at us… I don’t know man, it’s just…I love her. She loves me. Why can’t it just be simple?”

“I know it’s tough right now. But I know things are going to work out. Just give her time to figure herself out. Let her deal with her demons. You can’t expect her to love you how you need, if she doesn’t love herself.” he says.

“She doesn’t love herself?” you ask.

“No. But she’s trying. That’s what I’m saying. She wants to be what you need Jake.” he says.

“Don’t…tell anyone that…about the ring. I hid it where no one would find it. But…” you ask.

“I won’t tell Jake. I promise. But I will admit, I can’t wait for the day that girl becomes my sister for real.” he smiles, standing up from his chair.

“You think she would say yes?” you ask.

He smiles and shakes his head, “Jake… she’s not meant to be anyone else’s. She’s been waiting her whole life for you to simply, ask.”

—

After everyone left the two of you found yourselves in the kitchen, drying wine glasses and wiping the counters down after a successful family dinner. Y/N put on one of the new albums she bought you, letting the music spin through the house and into your ears, a sweet relaxing jazz ballad. As it came to a close she turned to you, “Should I flip it, or are we done?”

“Flip it, and come back to me...” you say.

You put away the last of the wine glasses, tossing the dish towel over your shoulder as she walks back into the kitchen. The music is floating through the air and the wine is still swirling through your system. You grab her hand and pull her towards you, wrapping your right arm around her waist, and holding your clasped hands in the air. She smiles as she realizes what you’re doing, relaxing her body and letting her head rest on your chest as you dance with her to the moody music.

“I forgot how sweet you are when you drink wine…” she utters.

You rest your head on top of hers and sigh, letting your fingers lace with hers. 

“Just missin' you baby.” you breathe into her hair.

“I’m right here.” she says.

You slide your hand from her waist up to the back of her neck, holding her close to you, “You know what I mean…”

Her hand slides under the back of your shirt, resting on your lower back as her fingers lightly scratch into your skin, “Yeah, I know.”

You press a kiss to the top of her head, and let her go, letting her step away. 

“Gonna take a shower…” she says.

“I’ll be in the study.” you smile back, watching her walk down the hallway.

You turn off the lights in the kitchen and make your way to the study, grabbing your guitar and sitting down in your leather chair. A content sigh leaves your chest, as you finally feel like you are getting some of your normal energy back.

You start to strum against the worn in strings, the feeling of your favorite guitar back in your hands, like nothing you could imagine. You toss your head back onto the cushion and close your eyes, trying to pick out the notes to the song that's been stuck in your head all day.

You think back on your talk with Josh, and really consider what he told you. Maybe it's because you’ve ended every night with her in your arms, but you are hopeful that he’s right about the two of you. You hope that she can learn to love herself. You hope that she feels like she is learning and growing and becoming the person that she wants to be. All you really want is for her to be happy.

Your mind drifts again wondering what it would be like if she did leave the tour. You wonder what she would do. Where she would go. Would she stay here? What would happen between the two of you? Would she call you? Text you?

You snap out of your thoughts when you hear the guest room door open and the soft padding of her feet on the hardwood floors. She looks into your bedroom, before turning around and seeing you sitting in the chair behind her.

“Looking for me?” you ask.

“Yes.” she answers.

“You wanna start the next season?” you ask.

“Jake?” she asks.

You sit up and set your guitar on the stand, “Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you?” she asks.

“Of course you can, c’mere…” you say waving her towards you.

“Can we…talk in there…” she says pointing to the bedroom.

“Oh, sure. Let me just lock up.” you say, standing and turning off the lamp, and locking the front door. You set the alarm, and turn off the hallway light, guiding her into the bedroom with a hand on her back.

You shut the door behind the two of you, as she makes her way over to her side of the bed. You quickly strip down to your boxers and pull back the blankets, before sliding into bed. You plug your phone in and set it on the nightstand, turning on your side to face her.

You notice the look on her face and feel worried, “What’s wrong babe…” you ask.

You can tell she is nervous about what she wants to talk about, and suddenly you’re feeling a little bit nervous too. 

“Jake, when I came home the other day, you were mad. You thought I was on a date with Logan…how come?” she asks.

“How come I was mad?” you ask.

She nods, and bites her lip.

“Well, to be honest…I wasn’t mad, I was more jealous.” you answer.

“But if we aren’t together anymore, why?” she asks.

“I think because I still have hope that we will be.” you say.

“Do you want that?” she asks.

“Of course I do.” you answer.

“Do you hate Logan?” she asks.

“No.” you say.

“It felt like you did during dinner tonight.” she says.

“I know, I know. I just… remember when you left the first time and went back to school?” you ask, watching her nod her head.

“I was so…lost. For a while, really. Took me a long time to get my life straightened out after that. I always thought it was the same for you. Hoped you missed me as much as I missed you. Wondered if you were thinking about me at all.” you paused. “So hearing Logan talk about all the fun you had together, and having all these inside jokes and stuff… hurt a little. Made me feel like…you had forgotten me. I know it’s stupid because here we are now, but… I just felt like you replaced me.”

“Jake, no…” she said, reaching out grabbing your hand. 

“I’m sorry I was being a dick. I will talk to him. He seems like a really cool guy.” you admit.

“He is Jake. You two are so similar. I think… I think that’s why he and I got so close. He was just like you, but different. Sometimes talking to him felt like talking to you. And I missed you so bad. You don’t even know how many times I almost called you. Or almost texted you… College wasn’t all fun and parties. I had some of the worst days of my life while I was there, and I had no one. All I wanted was you. I wished I did. Biggest regret of my life is missing out on those years with you. Anyways, I swear it was never like that between me and Logan. We were and still are, just friends.”

“I know. I’m sorry Y/N. I didn’t mean to accuse you of… going on a date or whatever, I guess I just thought if anyone was going to take you on a date… it should be me. That you would want it to be me.” you say, meeting her eyes.

“I do, Jake.” she replies. 

“Me too.” you smile.

You feel her foot brush yours and a rush runs through your body. You let out a deep breath and roll over to grab the remote, turning on the TV. “Just one? That wine is hitting me pretty hard.”

“Just one.” she smiles, scooting in closer to you.

You open your arms to her, letting her make the decision, and you watch as she pauses to think, “Do you think…do you think us doing this breaks the no touching rule?” she asks.

“I think that you like to lay with me, and I like to hold you and that’s the end of it.” you answer. “I don’t think we are breaking the rules, I think we are just letting them evolve to meet us where we are.” you reply.

She settles down into your arms, and nuzzles her face into your neck. You feel a tingle rush through your body again, feeling her leg tangle with yours under the blankets. 

You close your eyes and just lay there for a second, knowing you could fall asleep right now thanks to the wine, but instead you press play on the remote and turn off the lamp.

You rub your fingertips over her bare shoulder as the episode plays, feeling her hand rest on your stomach in your very favorite place. Suddenly a thought pops into your mind, overwhelming your brain and causing you to reach for the remote and pause the show. 

“Can I ask you something?” you question.

“Yeah?” she turns her face to look at you.

“Why did you tell Josh you wanted to leave the tour?” you ask.

“Oh…” she pauses. “Well, I don’t want to, I guess. I just…I was feeling like, how could either of us grow up and move forward if we are always with each other? But then, Josh kind of reminded me I signed a contract and then explained to me how this would be the biggest growth challenge we would face together, and that if we could make it through that, we could make it through anything.”

“I can’t imagine you not being there, you know.” you say.

“I just… wanted to give you space if that’s what you needed.” she says.

“Does it seem like I want space?” you asked, holding her tightly to you.

“I guess not.” she laughs.

“Do you…want space?” you ask.

She rubs her fingertips over your collarbone, “Not really. I think we owe it to ourselves to be ‘not together’ but still, kind of, ‘together’, I guess. I like how things are now. I think we are just…in a rebuilding period. I think we will both know when we are ready.”

“Yeah. Rebuilding. I like that. But, I guess all that being said…god it feels weird to even say this…you know that I’m not going to…see other people or anything…” you say nervously.

“I don’t want to either. I want to spend every night just like this.” she says.

“You know that’s what I want too, right?” you ask.

“I do now…” she whispers. 

“I want to kiss you so bad Y/N…I have all day…” you say.

You see her eyes flick from your eyes to your lips, biting her own as she tries to battle within herself. “Fuck, just one…” she says, pressing her lips to yours. 

You grab her face with your right hand, pulling her harder into you as you feel her pillowy soft lips on yours. You bite her bottom lip as she pulls away, releasing it as she settles back on your chest. 

“Shit, Y/N…” you pant, “You're gonna kill me…I swear.”

“I’m gonna go get in bed Jake…” she says. 

“What? You’re leaving?” you ask.

“I’m afraid if I don’t…” she trails off.

“I’ll behave. Don’t leave me, love…” you plead. “We still have fifteen minutes left in this episode…”

“Okay and then I will go to my bed.” she says, nodding.

“If that’s what you want. Now come back, I want my last fifteen minutes.” you say, pulling her back down to your chest. She snakes her arm around your waist letting her fingers slide in to rest just under the waistband of your boxers. A comforting feeling you didn’t even know you missed until now.

You press play and let those minutes pass, but as her breathing starts to even out and she tangles her leg between yours, you know she’s not leaving, and you smile because you know she never really intended to.

—

As the sun peeked into the room you squinted as your eyes opened, feeling her back pressed against your arm. You rolled over towards her, wrapping your arm around her, as she stirred awake. She turned to face you, stretching beneath your arm and letting out a yawn. 

“Sleep well?” you asked.

A shy smile crossed her lips, “Yes…Did you?”

“Always do when you’re here.” you admit. You release her as she rolls over to grab her phone, just watching her as she continues to wake up. She shoots up in the bed completely stricken with panic.

“What baby?” you ask, concerned. 

“Jake…” she says, her hands shaking.

“What? What!” you urge.

“Just look…” she says, handing you her phone. You take it from her and see a message from an unknown number sent at three in the morning, with a link to an Instagram page. Fuck.

You click on the link and are brought to a profile filled with photos, but they aren’t just any photos. They are photos of Y/N. Photos of her taken by someone watching her. You scroll to the very bottom, and see that the very first one is from 2017, while she was still in school. As you continue to scroll you see the years pass, 2018, 2019, 2020… all photos taken of her without her knowing.  Out in public, going home, at your shows…Photos of her with friends, photos of her with you, with Josh, with Sam and Elle. You all thought his stalking started in Austin but you couldn’t have been more wrong. He was truly hunting her.

“Jake what the fuck is this?” she asks, nervously.

“Well, it looks like he just sent you his photo diary. Showing you every time he has been around you without you knowing. Showing you he’s here and he’s still watching. Fucking creep.” you answer.

“Jake those are recent!” she says clicking on the newer photos. Pictures of her walking into the hospital in Saginaw. A picture of her at the farmers market just a few days ago. A picture of her and Josh walking into the yoga studio. He was back and he was getting more bold.

“Y/N, you cannot leave here by yourself…not without someone with you. Preferably me.” you urge. “God what the fuck does he want! What is his end game here?” you yell.

She grabs her phone and throws it down onto the bed, running her hands over her face, still very shaken as she realizes how unsafe she’s been this whole time. 

You roll over to grab your phone to text the guys and let them know, but your own message was waiting for you. You looked at her, before looking back at it, swiping your finger across the looming notification. 

Unknown

3:10am: An eye for an eye…

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@gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner @eyelinerjake@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @violet-hayes@indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf@fulltimecynical@ageofbajabule@ageofsinners@indigostreakslut @katelynn-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @joshskittytickler21 @mp0801@starcatcherry @samsbirks @darianh07 @cassiesgreta @becinabubblegvf @hanntisocial @demonrat444 @mrbrownstne @gretabyss @bizzielisteningtogreta @samsbirks @jakes-archer @laneygvf @jaketsword @hangvf @indigostreakmorgan @sadiextricia @thunderstomp-and-tequila @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @lyndz2names @brujamagik @overtheehillsandfaraway @gretavanfan @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @slightly-russian

@gracev0609 @sammiboo162 @jakekiszkasmommy @jaketkiszkalover @everyglowinthetwilightknows @literal-dead-leaf @ghostly—photography @aintthatapity

If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please send in an ask!

#greta van fleet #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet smut #greta van smut #greta van fic #danny wagner #sam kiszka #jake kiszka #jacob thomas kiszka #daniel robert wagner #samuel francis kiszka #greta van fluff #gvf smut #gvf fic #gvf series #jake gvf #sam kiszka gvf #gvf #josh gvf #sam gvf #gvf danny #jacob kiszka #gretavangroupie #Samuel kiszka #jtk x reader #sfk x reader #sammy gvf #gretavanfluff #greta van angst #vigilance

[turtle-steverogers]

The saddest meal Steve ever ate was after his ma’s death in 1936. He returned home from the hospital to their empty apartment, body heavy and brain oddly quiet as he stared at the place she used to stand by the stove, eyes twinkling as she let Steve ramble on about his schooldays, knees on the chair and hands flying expressively, because she was really one of the only ones he felt like he could be loud around. It hurts now, looking at the stove. The place where she used to make meals that could warm his heart and soothe his soul even after the worst days. The place where she’d guide his hands over the sticky dough of soda bread before letting him put it in the oven. The place where she’d taught him a million life lessons and where she’d been unwaveringly present as he tried to find himself in an unforgiving world.

He finds himself moving towards the stove now, poking through the barren ice box and pantries until he found the means to make a simple cabbage stew. He wasn’t much of a cook, but he’d watched her enough times to figure it out on his own. 

Somehow still, the soup turned out watery and tasteless. Mushy and awful as he spooned it into his mouth and how could he think he could recreate it like she did? How could he think he could foster any sort of home without her here. 

Pushing his bowl away, the weight of the last few days-- hell the last few months-- seems to hit him. His ma is gone. She’s dead. She’s never going to come back.

He’s alone. He’s wholly, irrevocably alone. 

Putting his head on his arms, he lets himself weep. Lets himself feel the heavy weight of the family he no longer has. He weeps until he’s heaving, sobs pouring out of him one after the other. The kind that makes his ribs ache and lungs wheeze, but fuck, it feels good. The pain feels good. Whole and tangible and more real than he’s felt since the moment his ma took her last breath and--

A knock at the door makes him jump. He stops crying for a moment, holding his breath as he listens without raising his head from his arms.  

“Stevie?” Fuck. It’s Bucky. Of fucking course it’s Bucky. “It’s me, pal, can ya let me in?” 

Lifting his head, Steve looks at the door, ears ringing as blood seems to roar in his ears. There’s a muttered curse from the other side of the door, then some rustling and the sound of a brick being moved out of the way. Shit, the extra key. A moment later, the lock is turning and Bucky is easing open the door, poking his head in. They make eye contact and Steve tries not to think about how awful he must look, puffy faced and red-eyed and utterly fucking torn open. The soup in front of him is cold and pungent now. He looks away, ears burning in shame. 

Bucky comes in all the way, closing the door behind him. He doesn’t say anything about the soup or the tears, just smiles, lopsided and sad. 

“My ma made casserole,” he says, holding up a dish. “We thought I should bring you some.” Steve stares at the glass top of the dish, clouded in steam. It smells fantastic; Winnie never failed to make absolutely delicious casseroles. “You up for some? If not, I can put it in the icebox. Reheats real nice in the oven.”

Steve doesn’t think he can muster words, so he just shrugs. He doesn’t know what he’s up for right now. What he wants. What he needs. Bucky takes this in stride, though, like he does everything. Easy. Without judgement. 

“No worries,” he says. “Why don’t I leave it on the counter for a bit, and if you’re not in the mood, we can put it in the ice box later?” 

He doesn’t wait for an answer as he places the dish down on the counter. Instead, he moves to start putting the soup in a storage container, not throwing it away despite it’s clear lack of edibility, because he knows Steve. Knows him bone deep. Knows the soup isn’t even really about the soup, but something so much more. 

Without needing to ask, he doesn’t take the bowl of soup away from Steve. Not yet. As much as it feels like he’s lost his whole family, he hasn’t. He’s always known family is deeper than blood, but as he watches Bucky rummage through his pantries and start sorting things out without Steve needing to ask, he realizes he isn’t alone. Not really. 

#steve rogers #sarah rogers #bucky barnes #stucky #mikey screams and cries and yells

[nonokoko-draws]

"Let's see, then it'll be one meat sandwich, large fries to share, two grape sodas and...um... I'm sorry, could you repeat your order please?"

[click for better quality]

Joining @twst-the-night-away fan event Disorder up! because it sounded fun and I can't say no to 50s cafe themes, also with this I had an excuse to draw my main yuusona on twst style hehe. Edit: Their name is Kooky now❗

Card resources made by @alchemivich. I apologise if there's any mistakes with the Japanese name, I used Google translator so if anyone knows Japanese it could help me to know the correct translation. Noko's voicelines below (The first sentence above would be the summon line btw) ↓↓↓

Groooovy!!: It's seven thaumarks in total...is that right though?...hmm, wait, let me check it out again just in case.

Home: How did I end up in this? Well, let's just say I was in the wrong place at the wrong time...and I can't let the chance of being rewarded somehow pass.

Home Idle 1: The Old Sage has a very colorful retro aesthetic that reminds me of cafes from the 50s-70s of my world. I like it.

Home Idle 2: Malmal would surely enjoy coming to places like this with pals. Unfortunately, I believe the waiters would be intimidated by him, F.

Home Idle 3: Sometimes I have thought about applying for a job at the Mostro Lounge, but working for Azul would mean being in his debt and I'd prefer to avoid that.

Home Idle - Login: Hi! welcome to The Old Sage. What it'll be today?

Home Idle - Groovy: One advantage of serving here is that they let us take away leftovers. Good thing Grim likes to eat anything.

Home Tap 1: Cay-cay usually takes me to cafe "dates", he gets cammable pics and I eat all the sweets he asks for. Win-win for both of us amirite?

Home Tap 2: In my world there's this tale about a waitress who didn't prioritised romance and dreamed of having her own business instead; in the end she had her own restaurant and got married. I wish I was as hardworking as her, or at least have that luck in love too.

Home Tap 3: Making a good balance between employment, studies and free time is difficult. If my grades were already bad enough without working now I think they are going to be lower...

Home Tap 4: My mom worked in hospitality so I already had an idea of what it's like. Anyway, I ain't planning on being a waitress longterm so I think she and I agree on that.

Home Tap 5: Working while wearing a dress can be problematic if you fall or the wind picks it up. That's why I wear shorts underneath whenever I wear skirts and dresses.

Home Tap - Groovy: With my goldfish memory and clumsiness level I sure think I'm not fit for this role, but the uniform and tips are far better than working as a janitor IMO.

#artists on tumblr #my art #nonokoko's art #twst yuu #twst mc #yuusona #twisted wonderland #disorder up! #I'm not entirely sure if I like the fanart result but I gave up lol #twst kooky (🐰🌸)

[echoes-silence-patience-swar]

Goodbye Eri (2022) + Long long ramble about Film

Review/Analysis

Goodbye Eri by Tatsuki Fujimoto was a one-shot web manga released on the Shonen Jump+ Website and published in print later that year. I read it in print, this review is actually a reread. Spoilers for first third or so of Goodbye Eri and implied spoilers for Fujimoto's other works mostly Fire Punch. Also like TW for mentions of: Terminal Illness, Parental Death, Suicide, Domestic Violence

(Eri, Sorry for blur but I thought it was in theme)

Now that I think about it, Eri or Togata should be the profile picture, I just had Asa on hand. Goodbye Eri is a work I very much enjoy ^.^ It and Togata's film metaphors in Fire Punch are major reasons I started posting reviews particularly of movies in the first place. That as well as a High School film class with the most tired teacher on Earth, who seemed to actually like all the work I submitted. I think that a lot of the time it's hard to find good movies coming out, most movies in good ol' USA anyway are mostly made for money. I mean I can't really blame them I guess movies are freakin' expensive dude but it's not so often I feel you find something real nice that's not from an already well established director like my good pal Wes Andy. You see stuff like spider verse maybe but then you here about the horrible working conditions behind the product, ugh product that's nasty let's go with.. uhh piece? movie is probably the best bet.

Anyway Goodbye Eri is about watching movies, making movies, relationships, memory. By the way I promise you this is not just going to be a plot summary though this next paragraph will be the start of the book. Yuta's mother gets him a smartphone for his 12th birthday and asks him to record her dying moments as she has some sort of terminal illness. The entire manga is shown through a phone camera btw usally using landscape shots. After he runs away, failing to capture his mothers final moments, and turning it into a movie ending with an explosion. His movie gets mocked and he decides to take his own life, but before he can jump off a hospital roof, he meets a mysterious girl named Eri. Eri recognizes him from his movie, drags him to an abandoned building, and makes him to watch movies so he can make a better one. This like reignites his spirit.

(Eri Intro Panel)

I really really like Goodbye Eri. I know Eri probably gets the MPDG allegations and that's like.. stupid sorry. I'm sure she does in the same way Togata (Fire Punch) does, but Togata is like not that he's pretending to be that. I'm not gonna go very far into that this isn't about Fire Punch. Anyway I think Eri is far too interesting for that. Yuta also is a very interesting character he's kind of a weirdo but of course he is I mean it seems like he's sort of an outcast he spent his entire middle school making a movie about his dead mom. This book actually inspired me to watch a movie everyday which I consistently fail but y'know I get better at committing every week. I think this one-shot also really shows off Fujimoto's grasp on like the "Silent Panel" how he can show a lot without any dialogue or very little for even whole pages, he's also insane at slightly shifting expressions. There are also several pure black panels, this is interesting to me because since the story is shot through a phone and it is a "video" his phone must be face down, there's probably background noise. I also think the subtle habits Yuta and Eri notice from each other is very accurate to what happens when you spend a lot of time with someone. There's also a very cool blur effect in this manga, someone told me if you remove all the blurred panels the story is different, but I don't think that's necessarily purposeful? Idk, tell me if anyone knows anything

Major Spoilers Past Here

It's absolutely worth buying this because it's so interesting on reread due to sort of a major twist in the middle/end. His mom wasn't a good person. You could guess this by her strange almost cruel request of her 12 year old son to film her death and Yuta's father crying earlier on but this could all be interrupted as just the grief of her tragic situation. But no, she yells at her son and her husband, she hits Yuta at one point, criticizes what he films and is calls him useless to his father in her final moments. Yuta's father was shocked when she was a good mom in the movie, Eri says he shoots his mother beautifully. We also find out later after Eri dies(?) from Eri's one other friend that she had glasses and a dental retainer, which were taken out from the movie. This means every single shot with Eri that actually happened was reshot. This kind of explains her movie like dialogue in some bits where she's just trying to be cool or dramatic. I love the ending, it's so interesting that where you think would be a title drop it's only implied by an earlier shot.

(Yuta and Eri)

TLDR: Buy Goodbye Eri from a bookstore or pirate it I'm not your boss, you'll always find something new when you read. Heavily Recommend. It made me cry it's awesome.

#movies #films #manga #goodbye eri #tatsuki fujimoto #fire punch

[saintsenara]

I always love hearing about people’s fandom and reading/writer journeys especially since they usually involve some very cursed content and fun navigating ‘90’s and ‘00’s tech. Where did you start, what got you hooked, how have your tastes changed over the years, what made you decide to go from reader to writer? 💖

thank you for the ask, anon - and you’re correct that my experience was one of cursed 2000s technology, given that i started reading harry potter fanfiction via the twin madhouses of livejournal and fictionalley, nothing ever tagged beyond ‘lemon!!!’, on the family computer using dial-up internet [god bless the fact that the parents of my generation had no inclination to care about what we were consuming online - one of my brothers was a huge fan of rotten.com, and he's perfectly well-adjusted...]

my reading tastes were, initially, lord of the rings focused - i still think* about a particular elrohir/námo mandos fic which had me in chokehold when i was about fourteen - but i was as big a harry potter fan as anyone of my generation [shoutout in particular to one of my pals, who spent the entirety of a geography trip in 2006 speculating what the unknown horcruxes could be with me while we froze our bollocks off in some godforsaken bog in county antrim]. so it wasn’t a surprise, i suppose, that i was clicking on any fan-fiction links i could find for that series too…

[the fic which has stayed with me most profoundly from those days was called something along the lines of murder at malfoy manor which was on fictionalley and was this exceptional combination of the rules of cluedo and the ron-is-time-travelling dumbledore theory. it was incredible.]

but i wasn’t a writer. i was one of those science-y, not-like-other-girls teenagers who was performatively really cunty about other girls who liked to write little stories or draw little pictures, which i thought was fundamentally unserious. the fact that i was an avid consumer of these stories didn’t make me question what the fuck i was being such an arsehole about…

because i loved a bit of fan-fic, and not only did i love fan-fic but i demonstrably had a fandom presence and was clued up on fandom lore - i could quote my immortal, i knew what a snape-wife was, i was on a forum or two - although i went to great lengths to avoid anyone in my real life discovering that. and i do feel extremely proud of myself that i have a reputation among people i know for not having been particularly cringe as a teen [how little they know… i’ve just got a good poker face.]

i lost interest in harry potter when i went to university - i started uni in 2010, when it was still socially acceptable to be really into it, and i definitely went to my fair share of themed parties in the first couple of years, but by the time i graduated in 2016 (i did medicine, so it’s a six-year slog…) i’d not opened the books, watched the films, or thought about the fandom in years. i remember rolling my eyes at the number of people i know who went to see cursed child when it first opened. bit cringe to be in your twenties and into harry potter, isn’t it?

[lol. lmao.]

but a global crisis changes things, i suppose.

like so many people, i got back into fandom during the coronavirus pandemic - although, regrettably, not because i was stuck at home. i don’t think i’ll ever be able to accurately describe what it was like to work in a hospital in 2020, except to say that by the time i got home each day the only thing i could do other than stare blankly at a wall was lose myself in the comfort of media i knew well and its memories of a simpler time. and once i’d re-read the books a few times… well, it was only a matter of time before i was scrolling ao3 at 3am.

and, because my ego hasn’t changed even if my relationship with my own gender has, it did not take a lot to convince me that i could write stories which were just as good as the ones i was reading.

you can be the judge of whether i succeeded.

[*i’m being coy. i have it bookmarked on ao3]

#asks answered #asenora on writing

[therandosfandos]

Bender thinks Fry's angry at him, and Fry has every right to be, he acted like he didn't care his best friend, who was a human, was in a robot insane asylum, why wouldn't he be?

@frenderbender09 @euforimorily

In the dimly lit corridors of Hal's Insane Asylum for Robots, Bender and Fry shuffled along, their footsteps echoing off the metal walls.

Clad in a faded blue hospital gown smeared with oil stains, his fiery orange hair a tangled mess, Fry bore the signs of exhaustion and distress. His eyes were haunted, twitching uncontrollably, and a stubble adorned his chin.

Bender, ever the stoic robot, marched beside Fry as if it were just another day in the neighborhood. He brushed off any concern for his human companion's well-being, his metallic exterior gleaming with indifference. They had both landed themselves in the asylum courtesy of a deranged robot who had mistaken them for cohorts in crime, depositing bags of ill-gotten money into their unsuspecting hands before the authorities intervened.

The bending unit couldn't shake the feeling that Fry was angry with him, that their relationship was on the rocks. He avoided making eye contact, pretending as though Fry belonged in the asylum just as much as he did – a notion that couldn't have been further from the truth.

But Fry wasn't mad. In fact, he was deeply concerned for Bender, his best friend and boyfriend. He knew Bender was struggling with anxiety, even if the robot tried to hide it behind his brash exterior.

"You seem tense, buddy," Bender remarked, his metallic voice tinged with concern.

Fry shrugged, his movements jerky. "I'm fine, honey. Just... tired, I guess."

Bender shot him a sideways glance, his antenna twitching with suspicion. "You sure about that? You've been acting weirder than a glitchy circuit board lately."

Fry sighed, his shoulders slumping. "It's nothing, really. Just... this place, you know? It's messing with my head."

As they sat down for lunch, Bender refused the usual fuel of alcohol or oil, his anxiety gnawing at him from the inside out. Fry watched him closely, concern etched in the lines of his weary face.

"You alright, bud?" Fry's voice was soft, barely audible over the din of the asylum.

Bender forced a grin, masking his turmoil. "Never been better, pal. Just need to oil up the ol' joints, that's all."

But Fry saw through his facade, his gaze piercing through Bender's metallic exterior. "You can talk to me, benben. I'm here for you."

And so, they talked. Bender opened up about his fears and anxieties, laying bare the vulnerability he had long hidden beneath his tough exterior. Fry listened, offering comfort and reassurance in equal measure.

Finally, Fry couldn't take it anymore. "Bender, are you avoiding me?" he asked, his voice tinged with hurt.

Bender shrugged nonchalantly, masking the turmoil within. "Just thought you were better off without me, meatbag. This place ain't exactly paradise."

Bender hesitated, his voice strained. "I... I just thought... you might be mad at me."

Fry blinked, his eyes darting nervously. "What? No, Bender, of course not. Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I'm a robot, and you're not. I've been ignoring that fact, pretending like it doesn't matter, but now… Now we're in a place where your body shouldn't even be able to survive," Bender admitted, his voice laden with self-doubt.

But Fry wasn't convinced. His twitching movements and weary expression betrayed the turmoil within him. "I'm not, sweetie. I could never be."

Bender halted in his tracks, his mechanical facade cracking ever so slightly. "Really? But you're human, Wigglez. This place ain't meant for ya. I should've protected you."

Fry reached out, placing a comforting hand on Bender's cold, metallic shoulder. "You've been my rock, Bender. I don't care where we are or what we're going through. We're in this together, waffle.

Bender nodded, a lump forming in his throat. "I know, skintube, but it's hard to ignore the fact that you're human. That you shouldn't have metal gears and wires and oil shoved into you like some kind of malfunctioning machine."

Fry reached out and gently cupped Bender's cheek. "Bender, I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through this together, okay?"

As they parted ways after their conversation, Bender felt a weight lift off his shoulders, if only temporarily. But as they navigated the labyrinthine corridors of Hal's, Bender's composure crumbled. The noise grew deafening, the lights blinding, and Bender found himself shaking uncontrollably.

Tears welled up in Bender's eyes as he nodded, the weight of his emotions finally overwhelming him. "It's just so loud, Fry. And I'm shaking, trembling like I've never trembled before."

Fry pulled Bender into a tight embrace, holding him close as he let out all his pent-up fears and insecurities. "Shh, it's okay, my little robot. I've got you."

"Fry," he choked out, his voice barely a whisper amidst the chaos. "I can't...I can't do this anymore."

"It's okay, lil guy. We'll get through this together. It'll all be okay...I'm here...I won't let anything hurt you...it's okay... I'm okay..", he kisses the metal bots head tenderly.

He held Bender closer to him, "You don't have to be strong all the time, Waffle. I'm here for you."

After what felt like an eternity, Bender finally pulled away, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. "Thanks, Fry. I needed that."

Fry smiled, his heart swelling with love for the vulnerable robot beside him. "Anytime, Bender. Anytime."

As they finally emerged from the asylum, Bender returned to their apartment, the weight of their ordeal still heavy on his shoulders. But as he entered their shared space, the sight of Fry waiting for him washed away his lingering doubts.

"I'm sorry, Fry," Bender murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. But Fry silenced him with a gentle kiss, his arms enveloping Bender in a warm embrace.

Bender repeated it again, "I'm sorry, Fry," Bender's voice was barely a whisper as he approached his human companion. "I should've been there for you."

Fry reached out, gently wiping away the tears that stained Bender's metal cheeks. "You're here now, Bender. That's all that matters." He places another kiss to his small boyfriend.

#futurama #bender #fry #frender #insane in the mainframe

[memestockpile]

wild boys of the road (1933) feel free to change as needed.

i never saw such a woman.

slowpoke. 

wait a minute, will you?

well, hurry up. 

i can get you in and it won’t cost you a cent. 

hi, kiddo.

listen, boy, don’t horse around with me. 

say, listen, have a heart.

i’m broke, but i’ll get the money for you somehow. 

i only came because [name] wanted me to come. 

hey, you egg, what’s the idea?

don’t start a fight here.

you make me feel like a heel, spoiling all your fun. 

the music wasn’t so hot anyway. it was awful to dance to.

all i did was lose my hat and coat.

last one in the bus is a rotten egg.

that would be like stealing milk from a baby.

do you feel like eating?

what’s the matter with you lately? you never wanna go downtown at night anymore.

scram!

hold it, you.

oh, gee whiz. 

march yourself in this house right away, young lady. 

darn it all.

my mother will never let me have any fun. 

if i tell you something, will you promise me you won’t tell anybody?

why didn’t you tell me things were that bad?

you couldn’t even lift a bag of feathers.

you’re full of dishwater.

i thought everybody was in bed. what are you doing up so late?

you been crying?

i’ve been laid off indefinitely. 

you’re old enough to realize the seriousness of it. 

we’ll all have to economize.

i’m sorry, dear. 

i’m afraid we’ll have to cancel.

come, get to bed. it’s getting late.

goodnight, son.

go wash up, lunch’s ready.

makes a fellow feel kind of funny, like saying goodbye to somebody.

yell if you want me to go out with you tonight.

you know i’m always with you. 

i sold my car. 

you know me, have a thing a little while, get sort of fed up with it.

hey, you’re not sore at me, are you?

no matter what you ever do, you’ll never make me feel as proud of you as you have this minute. 

come on, put up your dukes.

i got a date with [name].

anyplace would be better than this dumb town. 

we won’t say goodbye to the folks. 

when things get better, we can come back. 

i don’t feel good. 

you’ll feel better when we get something to eat. 

i think you broke my nose. 

listen, i don’t know what your name is, but i’m awfully sorry. 

ain’t you afraid, traveling all alone?

she hasn’t seen me since i was a little girl. 

i like surprises. don’t you?

ain’t you heard that milk’s the greatest beautifier in the world? anything you put in it gets beautiful.

you’re eating stuff that ain’t fit for a dog.

hospital for you, son. 

wasn’t he easy to fool?

you were keen.

don’t be goofy. 

i’m skaking like a leaf.

you’ll be recognizable once you’ve washed your face. 

you’ve grown, honey. 

you march yourself into the kitchen. you must be starved. 

ain’t you got no nerve?

come on, you big palooka.

boy, we’re in for it now.

they’ll blame us for that guy getting killed. 

now you’re talking, kid.

i don’t want the fellows to think i’m a baby.

you won’t feel anything, son. 

you’re not scared, are you?

take it easy, son.

cross my heart.

snap out of it, kid. 

the first cop that comes in here, we’ll mob him. 

don’t tell me what to do. 

this is a rotten trick, if you ask me. 

hey, kid, come here.

let me be your friend. i want to help you. 

you’re an enemy to society and i’ve got to keep you off the street.

how did i know what a mess it was gonna get us into? 

you’re not gonna believe me and i don’t care whether you do or not. 

i’m sick of being hungry and cold. 

i knew there’d be a catch in it someplace.

i want you to promise me.

things are going to be better now. 

come on, pal.

#askbox meme #roleplay meme #ask meme #rp meme #meme #rp sentence meme #sentence starter meme #sentence starters #roleplay sentence meme #sentence meme #askbox #askbox rp #ask #roleplay #tumblr roleplay

[thesandsofelsweyr]

Nobody had ask death and resurrection? Too bad, it's *very* JT title

(from WIP Ask Game)

Glad you asked because this may be by most twisted fic of all 😈 This is where I explore what happens after Jay wakes up from getting shot by Joker, how he expects to be dead but is very much alive for more torture. I previously shared some Joker Jay "banter" (😁) from this fic (first excerpt below the cut) but here's even more for you. Nothing too twisted since I don't want to spoil anything, hehehe

(Note that my Arkhamverse canon follows BAK: Annual, where Joker shot Jay in the head instead of the chest 🙃)

This had to be the worst hangover in the history of hangovers. He felt like a train hit him. Twice. Then dragged him down the tracks with it for miles. Why’d he let Nate talk him into going to that stupid party? Why’d he ever think it was a good idea to take not one but many shots of vodka? Fucking Russians. His eyes fluttered open and he blinked up at the blurry, spinning ceiling. Wait… this wasn’t his bedroom. He blinked again, and heard his eyes moving in his pounding skull. The awful sensation made him want to puke. And what the hell was that ringing?? He tried to reach up and touch the side of his head where the awful pain seemed to be radiating…

No…

A cold fist of horror wrapped around his throat, squeezing the air from his lungs. The ringing clawed at the inside of his skull like nails on a chalkboard. He tugged at his hand again, but it was no use. No no no. Both wrists were cuffed to the metal frame of the hospital bed.

“No,” he whimpered. Blood pounding through his ears as it all came rushing back to him like a tidal wave. He shot me. I was dead. He killed me. “No-no-no-no-no,” he cried as he frantically fought to wrench his wrists from the unrelenting steel of the cuffs. Metal scraped against metal, setting his broken teeth on edge. “No-no-no-no-no!”

He yanked at his hands with all of his remaining strength, trying to force them out of the cuffs. The metal bit into his flesh, peeling it away from his scrawny wrists. The bones in his hand shifted painfully beneath his paper-thin skin, but he barely noticed. He couldn’t care less if they broke again. He can’t stay here. He was supposed to be dead. He was supposed to be done with this place, this nightmare. He was supposed to be burning in hell right now.

“You shot me!”

“And it’s a good thing I missed! A teensy-weensy bit to the left and you’d have a new pair of wings, fighting the good fight with the big man in the sky.”

“Why couldn’t you just let me die? What more do you want from me?”

“Jeez. How many times do I hafta beat it into that thick skull of yours? You’re my partner!”

“You don’t shoot your partner in the fucking head!” Jason let his body fall back onto the gurney.

“You got me there, junior,” Joker giggled. “But you were about to divulge an intimate detail about my dearest friend that I don’t think he would’ve appreciated you sharing. I was only looking out for my pointy-eared pal.”

“Then why did you even ask me, you psycho?”

“I wanted to see where your loyalties lie. And let me tell ya, you made me one proud papa! I think I shed a single tear when I thought you were a goner.”

“Seems like I’m really fucking great at staying alive,” he grumbled.

“That’s the spirit! Even though you fail at every other aspect of your sad little life, you can always count on sticking around for more beatings! Now that’s a quality I can appreciate in my sidekick.”

…

“Welp, no use crying over spilled brain matter when we still have training to do! Time’s a wastin’!”

#wip: death & resurrection #series: ruined #my arkhamverse #my wips #wip ask game #sands replies #jason todd #robin #joker #arkham knight #batman arkham knight #arkhamverse #dead dove: do not eat #angst #jason todd angst #whump #jason todd whump #jason todd fanfiction #dcu

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Like a Shark

"Alright, everyone, let's all go sit on the carpet for Monday Morning Meet-up," Patton announced to his kinder class.

The crew of five year olds scrambled to pick a colored square out on the carpet in front of the white board. A small squabble broke out over a yellow square, but was settled easily enough and soon Patton was on the floor in front of his class.

"Okay. Can someone raise a quiet hand to share something exciting about their weekend?" He was surprised, but pleased, to see Logan's hand shoot up almost before he could finish the question. He was well spoken for his age, but rarely volunteered to speak and even regularly refused to speak when called on to answer a question Patton knew full well he could easily answer.

"Logan. What exciting thing happened for you this weekend?" He asked, wanting to encourage the boy to speak out.

"My cousin Janus was born."

"Oh that is very exciting!" Patton agreed. "Did you go to visit him?"

"Uh-huh. We went to the hospital and I got to hold him and on the way home my Daddy told me babies are borned like sharks and that's why my Aunt's belly got so big. Cause she was holding his egg in her belly."

Patton blinked on shock. "Uh. That's-" He shook his head. This was above his pay grade. "That's a really interesting story, Logan, thank you very much for sharing with us. Um. I'm. Really excited to hear about your new cousin. Um." He shook his head, trying to regain his thoughts. "Yeah. Okay, so if you guys have questions about...babies, let's just save them for you moms and dads okay?"

---

"Am I in trouble, Papa?" Logan asked staring up at Virgil with big brown eyes.

"I don't think so, bud, you're teacher just wanted to talk to me for a few minutes."

"But Teacher Patton only says that when someone got in trouble at school," Logan pointed out, worry coming to his small voice. "I didn't mean to get in trouble, I didn't even hit anyone today!"

Virgil gave a crooked smile, trying to hide his amusement, and knelt to be eye level with the tot. "I really don't think you're in trouble, Lo. Teacher Patton just said there was something he needed to tell me. Remember last time you were in trouble he wanted to talk to both of us. This time he just wants to talk to me, so I'm pretty sure you're just fine, pal."

Logan nodded with a little frown, clearly unconvinced.

"Hey," Virgil rested a hand on Logan's small shoulder. "I want you to take a deep breath, remember how I showed you? In through your nose out through your mouth. There ya go, pal. One more time. Good. Okay. Now let's think about this. Why are you worried about getting into trouble?"

"I don't know," he whined.

"Okay," Virgil nodded. "That's okay. Sometimes I don't know why I'm worried either. I want you to think about something, okay? In the past, what's the worst thing that's happened after you got in trouble?"

"Well. One time Josiah hit me back after I pushed him."

Virgil choked back a snort. "Yeah, that's true. But he got in trouble too, right? Did your dad and I stop loving you though?"

Logan shook his head. "No."

"Did we get mad and yell at you?"

"No."

"We talked about it, right? And came up with something to help when the angry feels or the sad feelings get too big, right?"

Logan nodded.

"Okay. So if you are in trouble, and that's a big if right now, what do you think we'll do?"

"Talk about it so you can help me more?"

"That's right. Are we ever gonna love you less because you got in trouble?"

Logan shook his head with a little sniffle.

"That's right." Virgil planted a kiss on his forehead. "You're dad and I love you more than anything in the whole wide world and nothing is going to change that."

Logan pitched forward, throwing his arms around Virgil’s shoulders. "Love you too, Papa."

Virgil smiled. "Okay. It looks like everyone's gone now, so I'm gonna talk to Teacher Patton. Maybe you can draw a picture of how you feel and we can talk about it more after if we need to."

---

Logan glanced up when he heard a light tapping on the table.

"Hey, munchkin," Virgil crouched next to him. "Good news: You're not in trouble. Teacher Patton just wanted me to give a message to Daddy since he knew he has to work too late to pick you up himself. You ready to go or do you need two more minutes to wind this up?"

Logan looked thoughtfully at his picture and quickly colored in a splotch of purple over one of the stick figures on the page. "Okay. Now I'm ready," he announced.

---

"Hey," Virgil greeted his husband, going up on his tiptoes as Remus slipped his arms around his waist.

"Well, good evening Mr. Summers," Remus replied smoothly and stole a quick kiss.

Virgil shook his head before Remus could steal another. "Uh-uh. You are in trouble," he said, his tone only half teasing.

"Ooh. Good trouble or bad trouble?" Remus asked with cheeky grin and interlocked his fingers in the small of Virgil's back, holding him close.

"Logan thought he was gonna be in trouble because of you."

Remus's face fell. "What? What happened?"

"He told his class what you told him about how babies are born," Virgil explained, and pulled his arms back, folding them over his chest and Remus let him go. "So Patton asked to meet with me about it and Logan thought he was in trouble because that's the only time his teacher wants to talk with us after school."

"Oops," Remus offered sheepishly.

"You told him Janus was born out of an egg like a shark?" He asked incredulously.

"No. Not...exactly. He...noticed that Vanessa looked different after Janus was born and had the idea about sharks himself."

"And you just, what? Told him that was right?"

"What else was I supposed to tell him, Virge? He's five. I wasn't gonna explain that to him!"

"You could have just told him that people don't have eggs-"

"Okay, but-"

"Don't," Virgil cut in, pointing a warning finger. "I know where you're going with that and don't even go there. Okay? There is no hatching involved with human children, Remus. That's all you had to say. 'It's kinda like sharks, except there's no egg.'. That's it!"

"Oh c'mon, you know he would've had more questions than that if I didn't tell him he was right."

"That doesn't mean you can lie to him, Remus! He told the whole class babies come from eggs like sharks because he trusts you. What's gonna happen tomorrow when some kid tells him their daddy told them he was wrong and that you were wrong or that you lied to him about it? He's probably gonna deck the kid!"

Remus sighed and scratched his brow with his thumb. "Okay," he conceded. "Yeah, you're right. I'll go talk to him."

"Thank you."

"Yeah," Remus nodded and turned to go find Logan.

"Hey." Virgil caught his wrist and pulled close. He went up on his tiptoes again and kissed Remus. "Thank you," he said sincerely.

Remus received the kiss and nodded. "I'll go talk to him," he said again and slipped from the kitchen.

Virgil sighed as he walked away.

---

"Hey, monster," Remus greeted softly as he poked his head into Logan's room.

Logan glanced up from his picture book and frowned. "How come you're sad?"

Remus snickered half heartedly. "What are you Sherlock Holmes?" He teased as he came to sit across the floor from Logan.

Logan frowned. "I don't know who that is."

"He's...from a story and he's really smart and notices lots of things." Remus shook his head and waved the thought away. "That's not the point. Hey, Papa told me about what happened at school today."

"Oh. Am I in trouble now?"

"No, sunshine. But I kinda made a mistake. Remember the other day when you asked if people babies were born like shark babies and I told you they were?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay, well. That wasn't really true. It's kinda the same, but there's not really an egg like with sharks. But I said there was because you kinda already know how that works and it's more confusing and honestly kinda gross for humans. So just in case someone says something about it tomorrow, you can tell them I told you it wasn't really like sharks. You don't have to announce it, but I didn't want someone to make you upset by telling you I lied or somethin', okay?"

Logan nodded. "Okay," he answered easily. "Thank you for telling me."

Remus smiled and ruffled Logan's hair. "You're welcome, buddy."

"Daddy?" Logan's face scrunched in deep thought.

"Yeah, sunshine?"

"Are babies borned different when they're adopted?"

"No," Remus replied, deciding he wasn't about to explain c-sections, "all babies are born the same."

"Then how come there's no pictures of me when I was a baby like the the picture Papa took when I was holding Janus?"

Remus let out a breath. "That's." He sighed. "I don't know why exactly," he answered, honestly. "You were about two when we adopt you, and. There just weren't any pictures with your other stuff."

"Does that mean there's no pictures of my mommy?" Logan asked thoughtfully.

"No, baby," Remus answered softly. "We don't have any pictures from before you came to live with us."

"Hm."

"What are you thinking in that big brain of yours?" Remus gently prompted after a moment.

"I don't know yet," Logan replied. "I think I feel sad cause there's pictures like with Janus."

"Yeah, that makes sense. And I wish I had something to give you to make you feel better, but I can do is tell you that your papa and I love you very much and we're gonna make sure you get lots of pictures with us to have when you get big, okay?"

Logan leaned over and wrapped his bony arms around Remus. "That does make me feel better. I love you too."

Remus faintly smiled and kissed his head. "I'm glad that helps."

---

"Hey- Re, what's wrong?" Virgil asked and quickly made his way to the couch when Remus dropped heavily on it.

"He, uh, asked about his mom, why we don't have pictures of him he was a baby like Janus."

Virgil sighed. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for that," he said and massaged between Remus's shoulders.

Remus shrugged a shoulder. "We knew he would eventually, I just feel bad that we don't have anything to give him. Y'know? We don't even really have a name we can give him. He's a curious kid, that's gonna eat at him. I mean, it eats at me and I know about my birth parents."

"I know, babe," Virgil answered softly. "Those are kind different situations, though."

"Not really."

"Yeah, really. I know you and Ro were little when you guys were adopted, but you were older than Logan is now. You were old enough to remember them. That makes a huge difference. He might miss her in missing the opportunity of getting to know her, but he won't miss her from the experience of knowing her."

Remus nodded and rubbed his face. "It's just stupid cause they weren't even that great, y'know?"

"But they were all you had then and you didn't even realize they weren't great till you were older. It doesn't make it stupid for you to miss them, rag doll."

Remus tilted sideways until his head lightly bonked against Virgil's. "Thanks, spooky."

Virgil smiled faintly, and pecked his cheek. "Listen, about earlier. I know I came off a little strong, I really didn't give you any time to decompress and settle down from work and I kinda snapped at you about the whole thing, and I'm sorry for that."

"I mean, you're right, he definitely would have socked anyone that told him I was wrong."

"That doesn't make how I talked to you okay. And I'm sorry."

Remus rolled his eyes, exaggerated and playful. "I guess I can forgive you." He smiled and slung an arm over Virgil’s shoulders, pulling him close and kissing his temple. "Thanks, Virge. Of course I'll forgive you. I'm also gonna get petty revenge though," he added matter of factly.

Virgil snorted. "Coming from you? I'd expect nothing less."

#sanders sides #remus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #dukexiety #familial intrulogical #familial analogical #sanders sides au #silly parent aus #my writing

[zedpercyfan]

Left Behind - Chapter 2

Left Behind

“YEAH, it’s me,” said Ash, stunned.  “Hi Misty.”

“Mm.”  Without another word Misty stood up and brushed the dirt from herself.

“Pikachupi!”  Pikachu leapt happily toward her. Misty laughed as she caught him.

“Aw, hey Pika Pal!”  She grinned as she lightly pushed him onto her shoulders and extended a hand down to Ash who was too stunned to move.

“Here.”  Ash took it.  Her hand was soft and firm all at once, probably hardened by all the time she presumably spent swimming.  She was also noticeably short, or maybe that was just because he had never processed their height changes the last time he saw her in Alola.

As he stood up, exhaustion seemed to have finally caught up with him as he felt disgusted upon realizing how sweaty he was.

“Sorry about running into you like that.  Are you hur— ow!” Ash winced as he felt pain in his shoulder.

Misty cricked her back and grunted.  “Yeah, no surprise there.  A fall like that would do something.  Besides, I think that fall got me in the knee.”  She pointed toward a slight cut in her left kneecap.

“I’ll call a hospital then.”

Misty waved her hands.  “It’s not that serious.  Probably just need a rest.  Come on, we can rest under that tree.”

They dragged their bikes off the path and both hobbled wearily toward the tree before heaving sighs as their backs met its strong trunk.

As he caught his breath, Ash took the time to look at her.  Despite their ages, she still maintained a youthful look as if she never left her teenage years.  Ash bit his lip – he had thrown the odd thought about her here and there back when they were traveling together but now the word beautiful seemed to come to mind too easily.

Meanwhile Pikachu happily snuggled against Misty before hopping off and then climbed up the tree.  Misty watched him go before pulling out a Pokeball.  “Azurill!” smiled the Polka Dot Pokémon before it noticed Pikachu and happily scampered off to join him

Misty turned to Ash.  “Jeez, what was that crash about?  You were doing quite the mileage climbing up that slope.”

“Er, yeah… I was just really trying to get up it.”

“My fault for stopping in the middle of the road anyways.”

“Don’t blame yourself.  I wasn’t really paying attention anyhow.”

“Well, what happened, happened.  So, it’s been a while since we last saw each other!  I didn’t expect to find you here.  What were you even doing?”

Ash scratched the back of his neck wearily with his other arm before he decided on, “I just wanted to take a ride, get out of the house, y’know.”

“Heh, I get that,” smiled Misty.  “It’s so boring to be couped up in doors.”

“Not least when there’s a whole world out here to explore.”  Ash paused but decided against spilling his heard over his present concerns.  “It’s more fun to be out and about.  Routines are dull frankly.”

Misty didn’t reply, so Ash continued.  “So what brought you this way?  You’re quite a ways away from Cerulean.”  He hadn’t noticed before where they were.

“Ash, we’re outside Cerulean City,” said Misty blankly.

“…”

“We’re near Rifure Village, it’s near the city.  A district if you will.”

“Oh, I see… Um, what are you doing here then?” said Ash.

“An elderly man here makes my Cascade Badges.  I needed a fresh supply.”  She pulled out a case and revealed the blue teardrop items.  “See?”

“Huh, I had no idea.”

Misty chuckled as she stuffed them back into her backpack.  “It’s not the sort of thing that every Trainer would know.  Just nitty-gritty stuff that Gym Leaders have to.  Anyways, what have you been up to?  Last time I saw ya was in Alola.  Mrs. Ketchum says you’re a research-something!”

Ash’s eyes lit up.  “A Research Fellow as Professor Cerise puts it.  Me and a friend, Goh, go out around the region and abroad to get data on Pokémon.  It’s a lot of fun.  I could show you some of the footage I’ve been able to get.”

“Oh, dude, yes please!”

He pulled out his phone and showed the various things he and Goh had captured for the Professor.  She asked all sorts of questions and Ash did his best to answer them.

“Wow, that’s awesome, Ash,” said Misty after a while.  “I bet you love this job.”

“I do!” said Ash as he pocketed the device.  “Always fun to get up close and personal with all sorts of Pokémon!”

“Pika!”

“Even better than training to become a Pokémon Master…?” smiled Misty smugly.

Ash glared at her.  “Yeah right!  I still have becoming a Pokémon Master on my mind.  I intend to beat the current best Trainer in the whole world Leon someday you know.”

“Good to know some things stay the same with ya, which is a relief,” laughed Misty as she hugged her legs, feeling up her kneecap.  The comment struck Ash as odd but refused to think further of it.  “I assume that you’re not working right now?”

“Yeah, Professor Cerise put me on a two-week vacation,” said Ash quietly.  “He won’t listen to me even when I said I’m fine.  Something about being officially banned from the job.  So I’ve been spending time back home in Pallet Town.”

“What do you make of all the developments that have been going on there lately?”

“I’m not a fan of it, to be honest,” replied Ash flatly.  “Makes the place seem less like the hometown I knew once.”

“Yeah, it sort of makes the place a bit too cramped.  Haven’t seen it myself in-person but I heard it’s quite the big change.”

Ash grimaced and huffed a sigh.  “It’s a change for the worse if you ask me.  I got quite the shock when I saw it.”

“I can imagine it would be if you weren’t expecting it at a place like home.”

“It wasn’t just Pallet Town that changed either,” sighed Ash.  “Not long ago I found out Clemont and Serena have been married for a while.  I was surprised because it turned out that I’d missed the announcement about his proposal to her and then after that I found out about…”  And Ash continued from there, spilling to her all his recent revelations that had caught him off guard and all the anxieties it gave him.

He hadn’t intended to open to her about it, she was, after all, one of those things he was anxious about.  Yet somehow knowing he was saying it to her made him feel like he could.  He could get his thoughts across with ease.

“…so, Gary and this Leaf girl were getting married, and no one thought to inform you about it – is that right?” Misty asked slowly.

“Yeah.”

“Damn.  That…that is rough.  I’m sorry to hear that happened.”  She paused and considered for a moment.  “I understand how you feel.  Daisy just ran off a few years ago because a family friend was getting married, and I wasn’t told either.  Still, though, crap like this happens a lot, and we just tend to miss out on it.”

“I…I know,” he sighed.  “I just…I don’t…I don’t mind that all of these things happen.  Serena, May, they can get with whoever they want.  I just…”  He struggled to find his words but couldn’t.

“You just…?”  She raised an eyebrow; unsure what Ash was thinking.  “I mean…they don’t need to tell us everything.”

“I know that.  I just don’t like how I’m only told about it afterwards.  It feels like none of my friends or family want to tell me anything.  Like me knowing stuff is just an afterthought.”  At that moment tears began to well in his eyes. “I just feel…lonely.”

“Like you don’t matter?”

“Like being left behind,” he muttered as he knocked his head into his knees.

Misty slowly nodded.  “I see.  That…that’s understandable.  It’s a real crappy feeling, isn’t it?  I get it, I totally get it…”  She stretched her hand toward the sky as some Pidgeys flew ahead. “It’s like a feeling of contentedness standing in a peaceful flower field, and then – BOOM – a stampede of Pokémon just storm through, ruining the peace and it throws us for a loop and it’s ugly and it makes us uncertain.  Like a Pokémon battle and never once are we sure if we’ll win the battle or not but it’s so close yet so unattainable.”  Ash gave the slightest of smiles in amusement at the analogy which Misty was pleased to see.  “And it sucks, and I get feeling upset but at the same time I wouldn’t call it the worst thing ever and that it means the people around us are leaving us behind.”

“Then what would you call it?” said Ash as he turned to look at her.  His countenance confused and still looking hurt.  “It still feels weird not to be told or given a heads up about marriage or rebuilding a house.”

“There’s always more to it than that.  It’s not uncommon that people don’t always say every little detail about their lives and relationships, it’s upsetting but it’s not a bad thing.”

“It’s not?”

“No, cause everybody’s an individual, and sometimes there are things they’re going through and focusing on that we have no input on whatsoever.”  They both turned to watch their Pokémon playing on the grass in front of them.  “Life’s just stupid like that and we’re all just playing catch up with it.”

He paused to consider what she said.  It made sense even though he couldn’t fully grasp it just yet.  “Yeah, I guess so.  Still sucks.”

“Understandable,” she replied.  “Here’s my advice and I wish I could say I follow this precisely, but I can’t. Regardless, I’d encourage you to keep a more active presence in everyone’s lives.  That’s the best way to establish that you want consistent involvement with their lives.”

“Does…it work like that?”

“Absolutely.” She paused and then shrugged before throwing two Pokeblocks at Azurill and Pikachu.  “Or at least in theory.  I do the same with my sisters and a few of our friends but things with the Gym have been so busy this year because of the League that I haven’t always been able to keep up with everyone.”

“Mm,” said Ash as a cheeky grin emerged.  “Well, that explains your lack of any social media presence.”

“Oh, lay off it!” she replied with a benign slap to his right shoulder.

Ash couldn’t help but pretend to be wounded.  “Ow.  Help, I’ve been mortally injured!”  The two laughed at their antics.  “No, but seriously, Misty,” Ash went on.  “Does what you say work?”

Misty smiled.  “I can’t guarantee anything, but it’s a start.  Keep your head up high, Ash Ketchum.  You just need to have a bit more courage to say what you feel and I’m sure our friends will respond to those feelings.”

“Thanks,” he replied.  He then noticed her going into her backpack before pulling out some snacks and offered some to him.  “So,” he said with some crackers still in his mouth, “things have been really busy at the Gym, huh?”

“Yeah, the League’s got more and more Trainers registered than ever before.  I’ve been busy with matches and then having to do all the maintenance.  Then couple that with me being involved in the business side and the occasional on-stage performances of shows for Daisy and Lily and that’s me tuckered out every week.  Not to mention all my personal affairs.”

“Mm, I get it.”  The last thing she said worried Ash.  Hearing ‘personal affairs’ sounded like code for something more going on in her life.  “Not to mention all your recent TV appearances, right?”  Misty’s face was slightly shocked before she smiled at the observation.  “Must be tough being one of Kanto’s internationally known beauties, right?”

Misty’s face went scarlet and hid it in her hands.  “You jerk!” she squeaked playfully.

“Hey, I’m not the one who referred to herself like that.”

“Says the self-proclaimed Pokémon Master,” she replied as she peaked out of her cupped hands.

“Only I don’t let it get to me.”

“Touche.  Though I will say, it’s sort of been paying off.  A magazine recently asked if I’d pose for them in their new line of swimsuits.”

Ash stared and felt himself going red.  “Y-you’re a swimsuit model?”

“An amateur really.  I don’t think I have the bravery to really do it for long.  Though doing so has opened me up to new people and connections, so that’s nice.”

“Bet that’s been making you popular.”

“Yeah…as if I wasn’t already popular enough as a Gym Leader.  Blood connections to the Cerulean Sisters and now this.  I’m sure you’re popular too as Alola’s first champion but as a girl…I get a lot of unwanted attention.”

Ash nodded awkwardly.  “Yeah, I…I bet.”  An awkward silence followed.  It was followed by an uncomfortable thought.  “So, popular as a girl now, eh?  A…first for you, in a way.”

“I do recall complaining about that when we journeyed together.  It’s sort of fun now that I’m reaping the benefits.”

“I bet,” said Ash as he turned away.  Her smile sent a weird feeling into his heart.  “A lot’s been happening for you like everyone else.”

“Yeah, a lot of changes.  Of course, I never meant to keep it a secret.  All of its recent and I’ve just been too tired to address it online.”

“Understandable,” replied Ash.  There was still one burning question for him, however.  “Hey Misty, do you have a boyfriend?”

He said it calmly and without feeling, but deep-down Ash’s heart raced with hesitation.  “I don’t,” she replied.

“Oh,” he said.  He wanted to be surprised but he held his reaction down, he didn’t want to say it outright, “I’m surprised.”

“I haven’t had the time to with all my duties.  Besides, I haven’t really found the right one just yet.”  Ash blinked slightly as he found the syntax odd and gave an ‘oh.’  “You’re asking me because of the whole things with all our friends getting together and stuff, right?” Misty went on.

“Yeah.”

“Well,” she said slowly as she looked at him, “there’s no need to worry about me dropping that kind of bombshell on you anytime soon, Ash.  I just haven’t found my soulmate yet.  Maybe one day…” she added wistfully.  She stood up and stretched, rubbing her knee.  Ash stood up too.  “Right, just about recovered… I should be getting home now.”

He watched her walk toward her bike as Pikachu ran up and onto his shoulder.  “Hey!” he called.  “Are you opening up the Gym when you get there after all the traveling you’ve been doing?”

Misty looked back at him as she raised her bike.  “Always excited about a Gym battle, aren’t you?  No, truth be told I’m too tired to accept a challenger.  I was just planning on checking in, eat lunch, and spend the rest of the day off.  Why?���

His fingers twitched slightly as he felt sweat forming on his palm and forehead.  “I-if you’re not busy then – um…would… would you consider going on a date with me?”

“Eh!?”

“Pikapi!”

“Uh.” Ash faltered.  The words had come out before he’d even time to properly think about it.  He racked his brain in confusion when his stomach growled.  “Well – er – see I-I was just wonderin’ if you’d like to go and have lunch with me a-and seeing as we’re a boy and girl I thought it’d be weird if it wasn’t classed as a…date.”  He never wanted to disappear any more in his life!

“U-um…y-yeah – sure.  W-we can do that.”

“Huh?” Now Ash was just left staring at her and raised his hands halfway, shaking nervously.  “Y-you’re sure?”

“Yes.  I said yes, we can go do that.  You’re hungry, I’m hungry.  Your logic works out in this instance,” she said calmly, despite her red cheeks.

Soon they were biking enroute to Cerulean City.  Ash was in a daze as he followed behind.  Still not quite sure if he was having a dream.

“By the way,” called Misty from up front, “since you dubbed this a date, you know that you’re paying for me, right?”

“Er, yeah, that’s fine by me,” replied Ash.  He paused and just allowed the sound of bike gears moving with the crunching of their tires on the dirt path to fill his ears.  “Hey,” he said after a few seconds, “erm, why’d you agree to going on a date with me…?”

“Just because,” she replied.  “I mean, we’re not total strangers…and – well – why not?  Could be fun if it’s a date.”

“Oh.”  Ash went silent then.  He wasn’t sure but he certainly felt a lot better than he had that morning.

OoOoO

Before Ash was a large seaside fairground.  A large Ferris wheel at the end of a pier, food stalls, fairground games, and a menagerie of other attractions laid out in front of him.

“Wow,” he exclaimed as Misty walked up alongside after storing away their stuff.  “When did this show up?”

“A few years ago,” she replied as they walked along.  “I think you were in Kalos when they finished.  It really doesn’t take too much time to set one up, or so they say.”

“I think I remember seeing something like that in Hoenn.  Me, Brock, May, and Max watched one being set up in a matter of hours.”

“Hey, look at you exercising your memory on something like that!” smiled Misty.

“Oh shush.”  Eventually Ash set his sights on a dried Slowpoke Tails frying place.  “How about here?”

“I love Slowpoke Tails!” she exclaimed.  She gave him a sly look.  “I guess we think alike.”

“Um…” Ash and Pikachu blinked with wonder before smiling.  Misty had already eaten five orders of Slowpoke Tails.  Now Ash and Pikachu weren’t entirely better at seven between them, but this was flabbergasting.

“Can I have one more?” she asked.

Ash blinked out of his stupor. “Sure thing.”  He was about to go do so but then he saw that Misty hadn’t bothered with a slop of sauce on her cheek.  He was going to tell her about it but then remembered that technically this was a date.  “Hold still for me.” And gently used a napkin to wipe it off.

“Oh. Thank you,” she said kindly.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled.  “Although it wasn’t a bad look.  Shows you enjoyed the food.”

“Um, okay…”  Ash was taken aback by the sudden glare she was giving.  “Weird thing to say to a girl on a date.”

“Uh, well, s-see… I-I didn’t mean it like… Well!” stammered Ash, but Misty merely giggled.

“Ha!  You’re fine.  You’re fine!  Let’s just write it off as the joke you probably meant it as,” she said with a wink.

“Yeah, ha ha…”  Ash rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment whilst Misty just smiled.

He got her her extra helping, and soon both made a mess of their respective trays.  “Gosh, you and Pikachu look ridiculous!”

“ME?!  How about a mirror, Mist?”

“At least I didn’t get any on my shirt.”

“Huh…?  GAH!”  He rubbed at the stain furiously! Misty, Azurill, and Pikachu couldn’t help but laugh.

#pokeshipping #zedpercyfan #fanfiction #SatoKasu #Ash Ketchum #Misty

[uncaaj]

Fanfic: Blade Runner Starring Donald Duck Chapter 2 - Drawn Back In (DuckTales x Blade Runner)

CHAPTER 1 | chapter 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | MORE COMING SOON...

READ NOW ON AO3!

Throwing open the flimsy wooden door to Mallard’s office, I was assaulted with a billow of purple-tinged smoke. The icy light of the city streamed in, cutting through the smoke like a sword. I waved it away with a tired sigh, which apparently alerted him to my arrival more so than the door clattering against one of his many filing cabinets. 

He tossed aside a manila folder spilling out documents and grinned at me like he just saw his sweetie waving at him. “Hiya, Duck.”

“Mallard,” I said, letting it hang among the shrinking purple fog.

He shrugged. “You wouldn’t have come if I’d just asked. Have a seat.”

I didn’t sit. I didn’t take orders from him anymore.

Mallard huffed. “C’mon, Duckard, don’t be a jerk about it. I’ve got four sinister skin jobs stalking my streets.”

Skin jobs. That’s what he called the replicants. In history books, he was the kind of cop who’d flip out and take on crime himself as a caped vigilante. None of us were certain he hadn’t done it.

I ran my hand through my shaggy hair and reluctantly took a seat in front of his desk. He dipped underneath and came back with a half-drunk bottle of hard cranberry juice and a pair of shot glasses. He talked as he poured. “They jumped a shuttle off-world, and took out the crew and passengers. We found the shuttle drifting off the coast two weeks ago so we know the fiends are around.”

“Embarrassing,” I said, taking one of the shots offered. Something to loosen me up a tad for the road. 

“No,” he insisted, “Not embarrassing, ‘cause no one’s gonna find out they’re down here, ‘cause-“ He jabbed a finger in my direction. “ -you’re gonna air ‘em out.”

I downed it and set the glass down. “I don’t work here anymore.” I thought this was obvious, but like always, Mallard needed the obvious hammered past his ego. “Give this to Gladstone. He’s good, with that luck of his.”

“I did,” said Mallard. “And he’ll be okay, once his bones have healed.”

My face stiffened. Lucky, lucky Gladstone, laid out in a hospital bed. If this were Denmark, something would indeed be rotten.

“He’s lucky he wasn’t forced to quit, or worse, and I realize the irony. Even so, he’s not as good as you.” He leaned closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s bad, the worst yet. I need you, Donny. I need the old blade runner. I need your magic.”

He sat back. Wasn’t often Mallard gave compliments, but I knew deep down he was buttering me up. And I wouldn’t let myself give in to it.

I leaned in like he did. “I was quit when I came in here, Mallard,” I said with intent. “I’m twice as quit now.” I rose up and headed for the door.

“You stop right where you are!” Mallard ordered. “Feth?”

Feth met me at the door, crammed in the tight space between a filing cabinet and an auxiliary desk. The reluctance on his face was clear even in the dim.

I laughed and stuffed my hands in my coat pockets. “Et tu, Fethry?” I said, eyebrow raised.

“You know the score, pal,” said Mallard, “If you’re not a cop, not a hero, you’re little people.”

We had very different definitions of the word “hero,” Mallard and I. What he thought of as a “hero” just made me sick to my stomach.

“I’m sorry, Don,” said Feth, gulping. “Just doing my job.”

I wasn’t worried about him. I knew Feth didn’t mean anything by it. He was obviously sucking up for a promotion. Always a teacher’s pet.

I glanced at the side table to my right. Feth had apparently finished a little origami chicken from the candy wrappers covering the scratched and dented surface. I smiled at him and returned to Mallard’s desk. My gaze was drawn to his lamp with the pictures of his family on the lampshade, glowing with energy. I looked at Mallard. He stood like a kitschy comic book super, confident that he had me.

And you know what? He did.

I had quit because I had a belly full of killing. But I knew what Mallard’s threat about little people meant. And I’d rather be a killer than a victim.

“No choice, huh?” I said, bitter smile on my beak.

“No choice, pal,” he said, arrogant smile on his.

I sat down.

Mallard followed suit and clasped his hands together. He always did this when about to brief us.

“There was an escape from the off-world colonies two weeks ago. Six replicants, three male, three female. They offed 23 people and jumped a shuttle. An aerial patrol spotted the ship off the coast. No crew, no sight of them. 

“Three nights ago, they tried to break into McDuck Corporation. Two of ‘em got fried running through an electrical field. We lost the others. On the possibility they might try to infiltrate his employees, I had Gladstone go over and run Voight-Kampff tests on the new workers. Looks like he got himself one, or rather, vice-versa.”

“I don’t get it,” I said, “What are they risking coming to Earth for? It’s unusual. W-what do they want outta McDuck Corp?”

“You tell me, Donny. That’s what you’re here for.” 

Of course, I thought, rolling my eyes. I always had to have the answers. 

He rotated the screen next to him toward me. On it was the mug shot of a duck, dark eyes, strong jaw, short shaggy hair in a net.

“Who’s this?” I asked.

“5Y. Tyrell Batty. Incept date, 2016. Combat model. Optimum self-sufficiency. Likely the leader of this sinister six.” 

Mallard pressed a key and Tyrell was gone, replaced with a female with straight black hair. “This is Magica. She's trained for an off-world kick-murder squad. Talk about beauty and the beast, she's both.” 

Next one was another guy, big chin like a pelican, orange hair hanging over his forehead like a gargoyle. “That’s Launchpad. Video of the Voight-Kampff Gladstone gave him is downstairs. He’s an ammo loader on intergalactic runs. He can lift 400-pound atomic loads all night. Only way to hurt him...is to kill him.” 

The next one was beautiful, sparkling eyes that shone brighter than her blonde hair. “The fourth skin job is Lyla. A basic pleasure model. The standard item for military clubs in the outer colonies.

The pretty ones always were. 

All four were now on screen in a row. My virtual dossier. “They were designed to copy human beings in every way except their emotions. The designers reckoned that after a few years they might develop their own emotional responses. You know, hate, love, fear, anger, envy.” Mallard turned the screen back to him and I blinked. “So they built in a fail-safe device.”

“Which is...what?”

“Four-year life span,” said Mallard matter-of-factly. 

Handy. The McDuck scientists were regular geniuses. I had nothing to add to that except a smirk.

Mallard leaned in a bit closer. “There’s a 5Y at the McDuck Corp. When you’re done here, go over and put the machine on it.”

“And if the machine doesn’t work?” As far as I knew, the Voight-Kampff machine was only guaranteed for 4Ys and below, the dumber replicants.

Mallard paused and looked down as if he didn’t know what to say for once. Finally, he looked up. “I’m counting on you.”

I smirked. “Must be nice.” I went for the door and opened it. Here I was, hooking in once more. Was I desperate? Perhaps. Was I stupid? No way. I figured if I couldn’t take it, I’d split later, if nothing else than to make it seem like I had some choice in the matter. Feth probably wasn’t keen on me coming back anyway.

I walked toward the elevator and another pair of feet came to meet me. “Hey, so Mallard wants me to shadow you,” said Feth, “make sure you don’t get into a jam, with the 5Y out there and all. Just like old times.”

I met his gaze. “Sure is.”

“Lemme know when you're ready to head to McDuck Corp.” He nodded at me and left.

I turned away and rolled my eyes. First things first, before 5Ys, was getting acquainted with the Rep who put the apple of Lady Luck’s eye out of commission.

#darkwing duck #ducktales #fanfiction #donald duck #disney ducks #drake mallard #duckverse #fethry duck #blade runner #lyla lee #lyla lay #pkna #launchpad mcquack #magica despell #scrooge mcduck #noir

[tktsunami]

What if Harry is Godric: Third year moments

(English is not my mother language so beware :D This are only parts of the third year. Want to read the full story? Read it here on ArchiveofOurOwn)

°I’m glad to have a friend like you.°, wrote Godric to Tom.

°Ha. You call me friend and I don’t even know your name.°, came the reply.

°You could call me friend or pal?°

°How about Gryffin, because you’re in Gryffindor?°

He had to laugh which ended in coughing blood but it was worth it.

°More blood…°

Was Tom worried?

°You can call me as you like. ;)°

°Gryffin it is. I’m glad we get along and not like Salazar and griffins.°

He had to laugh again. ~~~

“Big ugly brute.”

What? Godric turned at these words that just reached his ears and saw how Buckbeak wasn’t happy over this insult.

“Malfoy!”, he warned, but too late.

Draco was dumb enough to be within the reach of the hippogriff and got scratched. He fell to the ground, holding whining his arm. Hagrid was quick enough to prevent a second attack.

Was this a Slytherin thing? To go to a really proud creature and just insult them? Salazar did the same with Godirc’s Griffins. The difference was that Salazar was intelligent enough to have Godric between them and had been not within reach. Draco was an idiot, but he was still a student and hurt.

The class ended with Hagrid taking Malfoy to the hospital wing. 

“Why are Slytherins so dumb?”, murmured Godric with a sigh.

~~~

Why a dementor?

“Enough for today. You all did great!”

The students were sad that the class had ended, but they all obeyed. Except for Godric who looked thoughtfully at the wardrobe.

“You’re okay, Harry?”, asked Lupin.

Godric shivered. Oh, by Merlin…

“I thought it would turn into something different… But it’s turned into…”

His last thought was not a destroyed Hogwarts. It was students who would be lying in front of him, their blood on his hands because he couldn’t protect them, even killed them. 

But he would never kill students, he would never turn ‘evil’ or would see a destroyed Hogwarts because he would die trying to prevent that. But he couldn’t defend anyone against a dementor. He couldn’t protect others against this threat and the boggart had shown him that.

Godric’s face turned white.

The dementors were currently a real treat for Hogwarts’s students.

“Harry?”

“I’m fine.”

Liar. He turned around and fled to the Griffins. He needed time to calm down.

~~~

At Christmas, he decided to come out of his shell again. Something he would regret later, but currently, he stared at the Christmas decoration. Green and red. Why didn’t he had seen that sooner?

“I never thought that Slytherin’s and Gryffindor’s prominent colors would together be seen as colors of a holiday. And now I can’t fucking stop to imagine how both of them are running through the castle to sneak presents to their students… That’s just hilarious and believe me, they would do that.”

Hermione and Ron looked at him, but Godric had to snicker. That was an imagination. They would have tried to out best the other and in the end, Helga would have easily won, because she would have given every student a Christmas snack.

“Why should Slytherin do that?”, asked Ron skeptically and Godric sighed.

He forgot that Ron and Hermione didn’t know what Tom knew.

~~~

°Griffin? Can I ask you something personal?°

°You can ask what you want. It’s on me if I want to answer.°

°Do you think that Salazar would be proud of Voldemort?°

What? Godric laughed.

°I don’t think it’s a personal question. Salazar wouldn’t be proud. You know… Voldemort was a danger to Hogwarts. I know that he tried to kill a student at least two times since I’m in Hogwarts and he had been trying to lead the magical world, to gain power. And as far as I know, he also tried to have control over Hogwarts. That are No-Goes for Salazar if you ask me.°

°Do you think… he would be proud of his… heir? The one who hunted muggle-borns with the basilisk?°

°No.° °To be honest… I’m the heir of Slytherin.°

Godric refrained from writing ‘You don’t say.’.

°When I opened the chamber once, a student was there and got killed by accident. I was too afraid to open the chamber again. But last year… I controlled a student to open it again and forced the basilisk to hunt down muggle-borns because I thought it was there for this reason. I was power-hungry and proud of my ancestors. I thought this is what I was chosen to do. To end his work, to be the most powerful wizard the world has ever seen. I tried to kill a student called Harry Potter because he had killed Voldemort… who is… my future self. I hid a part of me in this diary. So I’m Voldemort, but also not.°

°I know.°, he wrote and it took a few minutes until Tom wrote again.

°You knew??? Since when?°

°I recognize a Horcrux if I see one. I wasn’t honest myself. I knew who you were because I can speak parseltongue. Salazar’s basilisk told me what happened and I stole the book from the student. But I also knew that your mind is that of a student of Hogwarts.°

°Then why did you not choose to hide me and let me be? Why did you choose to write your research in my diary? Why Griffin? Is that the reason, why you never got too personal? Because you are afraid of me?°

Should he tell the whole truth? Wasn’t it too early?

°Because I know how you feel. I’m a Horcrux of your future self. I… can parseltongue because of it and I can sense the feeling of that foreign part in me. And it’s mostly anger, fear, insanity, and loneliness. When I found you I wanted to help you instead of tossing you away. You know that my relatives hate me. No one is born evil Tom. It’s the world that changes us, it’s life itself that tests us. I could turn evil myself if I just choose to let my darker emotions be my motivation. But I believe we can choose to be better than that. Only because people are mean to me, doesn’t mean I have to react the same way. If someone hurts me I shouldn’t inflict this pain on others. It doesn’t help to feel better and it will never break the circle. I choose to help you because I can understand at least a little. So you’re asking me, why I never got personal? I’m not afraid of you Tom. Dark Wizards like Voldemort are not uncommon. There will ever be dark wizards who choose to be evil. But you just have to learn to defend yourself and others. I never got too personal because I was cautious. There is a part of you in me - a very weak one, the soul was too often shattered - but it could be that you would have it easier to control me if you knew more about me. My first priority was and is always to protect the students and Hogwarts. If you could control me, I couldn’t protect Hogwarts, I would be a danger myself. That was one reason, the second one, if you knew who I was, you wouldn’t focus on the facts, wouldn’t start to rethink.°

Not all truth, but at least he would try to be as honest as he could be at the moment. But he was so much afraid, that this was already too much.

°Why the facts? The reason I mentioned it a year ago is still the truth. I wanted to write down the truth about the founders. And I thought it would help you to see life from a different perspective? I don’t know much about your past Tom, what had inflicted you, what had hurt you so much that you grow up into a man who was willing to split his soul into seven parts. But sometimes it helps to see that the world is not always the way it seems. History can teach us but is also often falsely written down. I knew you would be interested in the founders. Salazar Slytherin was your ancestor. I would be very interested in the founders if one of them were my ancestors - they’re not.°

°Griffin, you ARE interested in the founders anyway.°

Good, Tom was still writing in this kind of way. Light and teasing.

°Right… So, I thought if you can see the true colors of Salazar then you have it easier to see other things differently.°

°What is the difference? Even if I change my view, I killed a student, I forced a basilisk to hunt down others even though she didn’t want it to do. I tried to kill… one of your housemates….°

°Me. You tried to kill me.°

°What? Wait…°

~~~

The screams of Ron got silent and Godric growled.

“What do we do, now?”, asked Hermione, but Godric was already stepping near to this damn tree. He was a founder and a student - and his friend! - was in danger. A goddamn tree wouldn’t stop him. His magic cores reacted both, so his magic was stuttering but then his old core won the upper hand. Like in Winter his magic came out of him, raw and unformed but powerful and destroying in nature. He let out a scream and throw his magic against the tree. The tree groaned and almost lost its hold on the ground. Wood splintered, branches broke and then it was silent. Godric forced his magic back, and the golden shimmer in his hair vanished. He coughed up blood but hid it before Hermione could see it.

“Harry, what…?”

“Not now, Hermione. We have to… get to Ron!”

For a short moment, he felt like the world was spinning around him but he forced himself to crawl into the hole between the roots of the Whomping Willow.

~~~

°I wish I could have seen that. Your Patronus must be really impressive.°, wrote Tom.

It was soon time to leave Hogwarts. Godric had retreated to his chambers. He felt still terrible, even though it had been a week since this adventure.

°Maybe I can show it to you someday. But right now I just want to sleep.°

°The sleep.°

°Can’t. We have to go to the Hogwarts Express soon. I don’t want to. My family will be… excited to see me… Not.°

°I hope you can relax more over the summer, after that incident they should try not to anger you. Hopefully, next school year will also be less intense.° °You believe that? In my first year, I had to get things right because Dumbledore thought it would be a great idea to hide something he knew was something Voldemort would want and he even knew that Gringotts wouldn’t be safe enough. So instead he allowed Voldemort to sneak into Hogwarts and get students in danger. I mean first years had to save the Philosophy Stone! My second year was okay. I found you, I see that as an improvement.°

He could swear, Tom had snorted and was laughing even though nothing was showing up on the page.

°But if I haven’t been so careful a basilisk would have tried to fight against a kill commando and I don’t want to know how long she would have the luck to turn people into stone. What if I had been just an ordinary student? t could have led to Hogwarts closing for good! No, thank you very much. My third year… Yeah, you know it already. It was okay. But still, we had dementors on the school ground and we know that this rat of a person is now running free and… if I believe Trelawney's prophecy he is searching for his master or had already found him. I don’t believe your older self will let me be. He will attack sooner or later. Or he has the decency to attack me during the vacations outside of Hogwarts. Blood protection or not.°

°You know I’m really glad that you have given me the chance to think more and try to change myself. I have the feeling my other self will not have this luck… And sometimes I’m just asking myself… Who you truly are. Even if you’re the ‘boy-who-lives’ you’re right… You’re not ordinary- You’re acting more like an adult you have knowledge that someone who is turning 14 soon should have. You can use powerful magic even I couldn't use at this age. Really. If I didn’t know it better I would say you’re the heir of Gryffindor who has his talent of battle instinct.°

Godric laughed and looked out of the window. Tom had the right direction but he still wouldn’t tell him this secret.

°I’m Griffin, Tom. I’m a lion and I will protect Hogwarts with everything I am. It doesn’t matter if my name is Harry Potter, or which blood I shared. It is my heart and soul that are important. And yes. I gave you a chance because I hoped this part of your soul is still intact enough. But whatever part of your future self is out there. It will be beyond saving. I will not hesitate to defend Hogwarts. I swear. As long as I am standing, Hogwarts will stand. And as long Hogwarts stays, I will fight.°

#godric x salazar #gryffindor #slytherin #hogwarts #hogwarts houses #hogwarts founders #harry potter #SalRic #own writing #What if Harry is Godric Gryffindor #part of third year #this is getting longer than I expected #Tom is Ooc #But he is young and learning #Salazar would be proud

[peninkwrites]

A Patchwork Powder Keg - Ch 10 of 14

George is briefly asked to do his job. Sam and Sapnap have a chat about old times.

[CW: referenced past character death. c!Dream for like a minute.]

crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 9

Ch 11

Mafia AU masterpost

~ Sapnap & Sam ~

Sapnap reenters the station after his talk with Ant, feeling like his own thoughts are eating him alive.  The only person who might understand would normally be in this very station, instead he’s unconscious in a hospital bed.  George hasn’t moved from his desk, scanning some paperwork.

“What was that about, then?” George asks disinterestedly.

“Nothing… uh, family stuff,” Sapnap half lies.

“I thought you didn’t talk to your family.”

“I don’t.”

George hums, not really curious, more intrigued by whatever is in front of him.

“What’re you looking at?” Sapnap tries to focus on the task at hand, looking over George’s shoulders.  “Other reports from last night?  Did something else go down?”

“Not particularly,” George shrugs.  “This morning some anxious civilian called in about a pry bar stuck in his car’s window.”

“Car theft?”

“No, but probably attempted.  It’s just that they left their pry bar.  They didn’t just give up, take the bar and go, they left it there.  Blood on the street too,” George says dully.

“Blood?  You didn’t think to mention that first?”

“It wasn’t a lot.  We sent an officer over just because the man was being so fussy, and it looks like there might’ve been a scuffle.  Maybe mobs getting territorial about who’s stealing cars where, it’s probably nothing,” George says, but he continues to stare at the paperwork.  There isn’t much else in the area, especially from that late at night.  Earlier reports are smaller, a mugging at sundown, apparently two thieves stole a bunch of paint cans earlier–

“Wait, look,” Sapnap points out the incident.

“Yeah?” George says dryly.  “Paint?”

“Yeah, spray paint, dude.  We saw that weird graffiti, come on, it makes sense, right?” Sapnap says.

“You think they’re connected?”

“I mean, I’m not saying it’s smart of whoever these people are to steal paint and immediately use it to mark off their crimes, but it tracks.  D’you wanna go talk to the shop staff with me?” Sapnap is perhaps too eager to have a distraction.

George sighs, pressing his forehead to his desk.  “We just went out,” he whines.  “I think I should… I should stay here, and hold down the fort.”

“You think the dozen officers already here can’t do that?” Sapnap teases him.

“Okay, why don’t you drag along one of them?” George says gloomily.

“Because they’re not my buddy, my good pal George,” Sapnap croons dramatically.  “Come on, I can’t drag Dream along with me ‘cause he’s gotta do Lieutenant stuff now– or Captain stuff I guess, I dunno– so it’s gotta be you!”

George gives him a look.  “Fine.”

“Yes!” Sapnap heads outside with a skip in his step, George trailing behind him.  “Ha!  I knew you’d wanna come.  I am way more fun than desk duty.”

“I disagree, but sure.”

Sapnap heads to the address in the report, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, turning up the radio and singing as obnoxiously as he can until George threatens to get out his gun.

The store clerk doesn’t look particularly pleased to see them when they enter.  “Can I help you, boys?”

“Yeah.  I’m Officer Halo, my partner and I are following up on a report that was made yesterday,” Sapnap says.

He looks unimpressed.  “I already made my report.  Look, I just needed the paperwork for inventory credit purposes so I wouldn’t have to pay for it.  I’m not expecting you to solve the mystery of the missing paint cans, alright?”

Right.  East side.  No one likes cops.

“Well, it’s actually relevant to another investigation,” Sapnap pushes.

“What color paints were stolen yesterday?” George asks, staring around at the shelves without much interest.

“You want like, the colors?  And that’s relevant to your investigation?”

“Could you just tell us?” George gets sharper.

The man sighs, mulling it over.  “Two cans of solid black, one brick red, one sun yellow gloss, and one true blue.”

Sapnap gives George a pointed look, not wanting to blurt out I told you so! with a civilian there.

George refuses to acknowledge it.  “And could you describe who stole them?  There were two of them, right?  You didn’t give us much more descriptors than that.”

“I’m not expecting you to catch them.  No point,” the man shrugs.  “Fine.  One was a scrappy kid, a teenager.  Well, they both looked a little rough, I assumed homeless.  Kid was skinny and tall, blond, talked my fucking ear off, and the other one was older, not a kid, also tall.  Brown hair.  Dickhead wore a big coat he stuffed full of paint cans.”

“Right, so, not exactly hardened criminals,” George says dryly, giving Sapnap his own look.

“And they didn’t hold you up?  Or threaten you?  The guy shoved paint cans in his pockets and what, they just walked out?” Sapnap asks.

“No they didn’t hold me up,” the man scoffs at the idea.  “The kid could’ve been fourteen.  I saw the older one with the paint, told them I was calling you lot, and they ran.  Which is what I expected.”

“Anything else?” Sapnap asks.

“Nope.  I do think the younger one was the one who planned it, put the older guy up to it.  He yelled at him before they ran,” the man actually looks amused.

“Right,” George gives Sapnap another look, clearly ready to leave.  “Well, thank you for your time.”

Sapnap follows him out.  “I mean, it seems like they definitely are the ones who painted that stuff, but they don’t sound like… like they’d be able to murder a mob boss, y’know?”

“Yeah, but if it is a bigger crime ring coming up, they could’ve sent some lackeys to get the paint,” George points out.

“Yeah, I guess,” Sapnap shrugs.  Something about all of this doesn’t sit right with him.  They head back to the station, Dream is waiting, annoyed.

“Where have you two been?” Dream asks.

“Just–” Sapnap doesn’t know why he feels like he’s being scolded.  “Following up on something.  Why?”

“Sam is awake,” Dream says.  “I can’t go check on him, I don’t have the time, but I know you wanted to.”

“Y-Yeah, I can go there right away,” Sapnap nods.

“Good.  Ask him what happened last night,” Dream says.  “Dismissed,” is his offhanded way of goodbye.

Sapnap and George exchange puzzled looks.

“He’s probably just… just stressed, taking over for Sam,” Sapnap tries.

George shrugs.  “Yeah.  Sure.  That’s the second time you’ve had me running around, I’m gonna stay here this time.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.  I’ll tell Sam you said hi or something,” Sapnap says.  “Let me know if anything else comes up on those two guys who stole paint.”

“Why?  You think it means anything?”

“I dunno, feel like it’s… not familiar, but–” Sapnap shakes his head.  “Probably nothing.”

“Let you know if that changes, I guess,” George settles back in at his desk, and Sapnap heads to the hospital.

Sam wakes up in a hospital room alone.  He doesn’t know why upon waking, he expected Ponk to be there.  That moment of confusion when he woke, heard the heart rate monitor, smelled the scent of disinfectant of a hospital, and wondered why Ponk wasn't holding his hand.  He'd looked around the room, and realized they weren't asleep in a chair beside him either.  Then he wakes enough to remember why.  Right.  A nurse, a stranger, comes into the room soon after.  They look him over, and ask if he wants to call someone.

Sam doesn’t have anyone to call, not really.  Just work.  “I need my team here.  Just… just call the police station.”

Sam lays awake, alone and in pain, for the 30 minutes it takes for Sapnap to arrive.  He takes inventory.  Both of his legs are in casts, his fingers too.  Breathing hurts, so he’s guessing busted ribs.  He cannot help but think bitterly that he surely hadn’t hurt Ponk anywhere near as bad.  It’s not comparable.  It’s not fair.  All of those people had to have their share of flesh.  Sam doesn’t understand it. 

There's a knock.  Sam almost tries to sit up when Sapnap enters.  He can’t.

“Hey, man.  How are you?” Sapnap winces, eyeing him over.  “I, uh.  I brought you coffee.  Donuts too, but I dunno, maybe that’s a cliche.”

“Funny,” Sam says hoarsely.  Sapnap is at least someone he knows personally, that should make him feel a little less alone, but somehow all Sam can think to talk about is work.  “How’s the squad holding up without me?”

“Uh, okay,” Sapnap looks uneasy, setting down the coffee and box of donuts beside the bed before taking a seat in a chair, the one Sam had assumed Ponk would be waiting for him in.  Stupid of him.  “I mean, Dream took over like, immediately, and he’s, y’know how he is, takes the job seriously.  So, it’s not gonna burn down any time soon.  But, I’m sure he’s worried about you too.  I know I’ve been waiting for you to wake up.”

Sam feels almost touched, more so pathetic.  “Right.”

A heavy pause.  Sapnap clearly wanting to say something, but unsure if he should.  “So, uh.  I’m not gonna make this all official, you don’t need like, instructions on how to make a witness statement, so.  What… What happened?”

Sam hates this.  He could name any of the people he had seen last night, he could have half of them arrested.  The retaliation would make his suffering the night before look like child’s play.  He’d been worried about them hurting Fran then, if he arrested them in response…

Then again, it’s not a typical officer.  It’s Sapnap.  He understands better than most.

“Some of the mob, some random locals, who knows.  A lot of people.  Showed up and…” Sam stares at the wall, he doesn’t want to see Sapnap’s expression, whether pity or understanding or even blame.  “Well.  I’ve got nothing to prove it, but I’m guessing they showed up on Ponk’s orders.”

“Orders?” Sapnap almost laughs.  “What, you think Ponk’s giving out orders now?  To who?”

“Okay, well, not orders then, but… for them.  I don’t know.  It doesn’t really matter, does it?  You and I both know those people can get away with anything without consequences,” Sam says bitterly.

Sapnap nods, but his thoughts seem somewhere else.  They are.  Sapnap feels like it’s selfish, unfair even to bring up what’s weighing on his mind considering Sam’s burdens at present, but he doesn’t know what else to do with himself.  He needs to share this weight with someone else, someone who will understand, and somehow Sam is all he’s got.

“Hey, uh, have you…” Sapnap doesn’t want to do this, he feels almost a burning in his gut, something like embarrassment, as if he’s admitting to something shameful.  “Have you heard from my dad at all lately?  Or Ant?  Or…” He doesn’t look at Sam, his hands fidget restlessly in his lap.  “Or Skeppy?”

Sapnap glances up and sees not only an expression indicating the affirmative, but something far more targeted, more affronted.  It almost scares him.

“Yeah, yeah I’ve heard from your dad recently,” Sam says icily.  “And from Ant, sure.  So, you know, then?  What the hell have they said to you?  I thought you were out of contact.  I thought we had both left that behind, Sapnap,” Sam is lecturing him from a hospital bed.

“Whoa, whoa, I dunno what you’re talking about, dude.  I have been out of contact.  It was–” Sapnap is weary.  “It was Ant.  He reached out to me about Skeppy.  Have you– What do you know?  What did my dad say?”

“Sapnap, really, you’re smarter than this.  When do you think I spoke with your father?  I left that all behind a long time ago, so in what goddamn situation would I have seen them?”  Sam gestures to his injuries.

“Really?” Sapnap wishes he were more surprised.  When he had asked Ant if he’d heard what happened to Sam, he’d done so deliberately.  He’d had a feeling, but still, it's different to hear it from him.  “And my dad too?  But he– Of course not…” Sapnap tries to keep his resentment quiet.  His father’s last pleading promises had been that he would go straight, that he would do better, and of course that hadn’t been the case.  Bad was at his best leading the Badlands, why would a son who won’t even talk to him keep him from that?

“But no, Skeppy wasn’t there.  Ant was, and so was your dad,” Sam sighs.  “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him where you’re living nowadays.  It wasn’t a torture type situation, at least not one for information…”

“Skeppy is missing,” Sapnap just says it.

“He’s–” Sam stares at him, eyes narrowed.  “What do you mean missing?”

“They think taken.”

“Taken?  What nutjob would kidnap a high ranking mob official?  Do they have a death wish?”

Sapnap shrugs.  “I dunno, Ant didn’t really stick around to explain.  Actually, it all sorta makes sense.  I also asked if he’d heard what happened to you, and he said something about Ponk.”

“What about Ponk?” Sam is sharp, defensive.

“Nothing, nothing really, like.  Just… repeated what I said, asked if I’d heard what happened to them,” Sapnap raises his hands passively.  “I’m guessing you’re right about that part.  That’s why they went after you.”  Sapnap doesn’t want to feel an ounce of pride for his old family or his old life, especially not for attacking the man that had first shown him there was a way out, but seeing Ponk exhausted and defeated in an interrogation room with a busted nose had put him off a bit.  It felt like Sam was acting more like his younger self from the Badlands days.  Last Sapnap checked, they’d both left to get away from that kind of harshness.  It feels wrong, but it’s undeniable.  He feels just a hint of that old pride at his father attacking someone who, as far as he probably knew, had assaulted his own boyfriend.  That was the part of the Badlands Sapnap missed, or if not missed at least respected.  His dad was good at protecting people.  Just as he was good at hurting them.

“Of course… and Ant came to the police station?  Why?” Sam’s head is pounding, but he is trying very hard to piece things together anyway.

“Just to ask about Skeppy.  Oh!  Yeah,” Sapnap sits up, more excited now, maybe hoping Sam might have some insight, “JSchlatt’s corpse washed out of the river this morning.  Bullet between his eyes.  Somehow it got back to the Badlands, sort of, and Ant came in to make sure the dead mob boss wasn’t Skeppy.  That was his whole deal.”

“JSchlatt’s dead?” Sam is intrigued.  “Any leads on who did it?”

“No, not really.  There’s that body, and another one of Schlatt’s boys turned up dead a few streets over.  And there was like, graffiti around the area too.  Hey, you ever heard of crime boys?” Sapnap asks.

“Crime boys?” Sam frowns, puzzled.  “No, not at all.  That’s not Schlatt’s deal.  I’ve never heard of them, not from now or the old days.”

“That’s what the graffiti said.  So, George and I are thinking it’s probably connected, right?  All that shit turning up at the same time?”

“Maybe,” Sam is having a hard time thinking.  He’s guessing he’s on some pretty decent painkillers right now.  “Look, just–”  He sighs, even that breathing hurts his ribs.  “Keep me posted.  I know I won’t be able to get back to work any time soon, but I know Dream can handle it." Maybe Sam shouldn't send Sapnap away.  All it means is he'll spend hours alone and in pain, but he doesn't know what more there is for them to talk about.  Nothing that Sam wants to talk about, anyway.  "I’m… I feel terrible, obviously.  And I want to get some rest.”

Sapnap nods.  “Got it, Captain.  If you do want to drop any names of your assailants, let me know.”

Sam gives him a wry smirk.  “Yeah.  Right.  You know I can’t do that.  If the boys need information for the paperwork, just… just say they were all masked.”

“I will,” Sapnap says grudgingly.  He hates it.  It’s part of what he had run from all those years ago.  His family living a life of violence without consequence, although, if they hadn’t gone after Sam, it’s not like Sam would’ve faced any consequences for being so rough with Ponk.  Sapnap doesn’t know what to do with that thought.

“Sapnap, if your dad tries to get in touch with you…” Sam thinks his words over carefully, Sapnap listening, looking almost hopeful.�� “...don’t let him, okay?  You’ve fought too hard to make it this far.  Don’t let him get you to throw it all away.”

Sapnap doesn't know what he expected, if he should feel disappointed or not.  “I won’t, Sam.  You know I won’t.  Besides, I don’t think my dad would have the guts to try and talk to me.  It’s been…” Sapnap buries the ache in his chest, just as he’s done his best to bury every bit of nostalgia he’s felt for the Badlands today.  “It’s been a long time, y’know?”

Sam hums his agreement.  “Yeah.  It has.”  A pause, Sam staring up at the paneled ceiling, doing his best not to let himself long for the past.  It’s harder now, when the only part of his past he’d wanted to keep had left him.  “I hope they find Skeppy.  Alive.”

They both are thinking of the same thing.  Years ago, that awful week ending in an even worse night.  Red Velvet missing for days and returned to Ant bloody and dead.  Sam had gone with Bad and gotten their reckoning.  Sapnap had stayed behind and watched Ant, a man he had always admired as strong and composed, break down under the weight of a loss that Sapnap, still only a teenager, had been unable to truly understand.

Sam had lost a friend that night, and he and Bad had found something worse inside of themselves.  When they found those responsible, well; Sam knows what happened to him the other night could have been a lot worse.  Back then, they had had no interest in leaving those men alive.  That changed things.  There had been far less restraint, especially when Sam had felt like the image of Velvet’s corpse had been burned into his eyes.  Bad’s wrath last night had been nothing compared to what they had done then.  He’s not proud of it.  Not anymore, at least.  Maybe knowing he was capable of that was part of what got Sam to leave.  That, and the impossible thought of Ponk turning up the same way as Velvet had.

“Yeah,” Sapnap feels like there’s a weight pressing down on him.  He cannot fathom his father surviving Skeppy’s death; they loved each other too much for that, it’s not something he even wants to consider.  “Me too.”

#my writing #mafia au #wahoo #sam and sapnap. morally righteous family abandoning bitches. #they might grow out of it idk. we'll see :)

[mostlymaudlin]

Rory!!! Hello! I hope you’re having a good day! 🥰

You know you KNOW I need to hear all about your venom au please and thank you. Also I have a feeling you have thoughts to share about teacher+journalist and I would like to know all of them. 😘

OOOOH HELLO DEAREST PAL i hope your friday is lovely :D

okay so we talk abt venom aus soooo much in the discord and i always have trouble wrapping my mind around casting so i kind of redid it so that it exists in the universe but doesnt follow the exact story. the idea is that baz is the symbiote -- he escapes the compound in eddie just like in the movie, and eddie freaks out in the restaurant and does the lobster thing lol. anne and dan bring eddie to the hospital to remove baz, but instead of going into anne, he finds his way to SIMON, who is in SF on a trip with shepard and had to go to the hospital for a broken finger lol.

i have in my notes that antman ends up taking care of the whole symbiote ship situation LOL but simon and baz really are just vibing. they go back to london and deal w baz's morality complex because he's unwilling to eat people but simon's all "i mean what if we just ate bad people" but baz isn't into it. so, like, vampire stuff HAHAHA.

i have a snip that i'll put under the cut, it's the only prose ive written for this and it's a lil spicy HAHAHA. i think my main motivation for this one is that i wanted to write symbiote porn.

also!! teacher & journalist is literally just me being like. hello. my two career specialties. maybe i will write abt them :) i never actually plotted it but simon was the reporter and baz was the teacher, and simon was meant to be investigating some kind of educational inequality in baz's school. it was meant to be a love letter to the best parts of both of these public services, because i often get frustrated with the amount of bullshit in both journalism and education even though i think theyre both v important.

It happens when I’m cooking dinner. Baz has floated off toward the living room, because he can’t stand to miss an episode of Love Island. I can still feel the thrum of him inside me, just like always. 

My mind starts to wander as I chop vegetables. 

“Simon,” Baz hisses, retreating quickly back into my body. The suddenness surprises me — I drop the knife I’m holding.

“What?” I ask. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“You know I can hear all your thoughts!” Baz sneers inside my brain. My cheeks color a bit as I subconsciously pick up the absent-minded fantasy I’d been playing out in my head: Baz’s inky tendrils slithering down my naked chest, wrapping around my thighs…

“Okay, I see how that might be uncomfortable for you,” I say, picking up the knife again and resuming chopping. 

“It’s not uncomfortable,” Baz retorts, but his voice is softening. He’s still hiding from me. “Just… surprising.”

“Is it really, though?” I ask, scraping the vegetables into the pot on the stovetop. “We’ve lived together for over a year. I spend every waking moment with you, go to you with all my problems, share every good thing with you. It’s basically like we’re in a relationship without the sex.”

“But what about Agatha?” Baz asks. He sounds distressed. I shake my head, twitching my shoulders.

“Quit hiding,” I say, and Baz reluctantly slinks out of my back and around to face me. He floats in front of me, expressionless. I frown at him and not for the first time wish I had the same access to his thoughts as he has to mine. He sighs when he picks up on the thought, resting his forehead against mine.

#my writing #i love this game because its fun to give these wips a lil bit of life even if i might not return to them #like theyre still fun 2 me

[randersenblog]

#zeke,m.d.

Dr. Ezekiel “Zeke” Hamilton prided himself on his ability to read patients. The downcast eyes and the restless hands always gave away patients who weren’t taking their meds or following their diets. Thus it was quite a shock when he lost everything after his financial adviser and best friend looked him squarely in the eyes with quiet hands and told him his retirement was safe and sound. His ex-pal Jimbo was someplace warm and sunny spending Zeke”s embezzled retirement money with Zeke’s ex wife and Zeke’s ex-dog. Dammit, I liked that dog, thought Zeke. Four years, four months and four days of eating, drinking and fishing were over. Zeke Hamilton M.D. was returning to the world of medicine. 

The good news was that he still had a medical license. They last for ten years and he had just re-upped a year before his retirement.The bad news was that he did not have a job. He partly or mostly retired because the medical practice he started was bought out by the local hospital chain. After what I said there’s no way even those guys would take me back he thought. 

Zeke looked in the mirror as he primped and prepped for his appointment with the physician placement company. Not bad for 61, he thought. Oprah said 60 is the new 40 and hell Oprah is right about everything. A few gray hairs and a few extra pounds but I’ve still got it. Who wouldn’t want to hire a great looking, intelligent and humble guy like me? He dragged himself away from the mirror and headed off to his interview. 

Being a locum tenens doc always sound cool and faintly exotic. In literal terms a locum tenens “held the place” of a full time worker on leave. In practical terms one locum tenens replaced another in a revolving door fashion in places that couldn't find full time physicians. Adaptability and willingness to travel were necessary traits for a locum tenens. Zeke had neither but he figured he could adapt to anything anywhere as long as they paid him well. 

Doctors have an arrogance problem. They get the best grades at the best schools and heck they know how your vital organs work. Zeke had it but at least recognized it and tried to fight it. Today though it was hard to fight as he sat in the office of Marian DeWald, physician placement specialist. Maybe it was the three stooges Moe haircut or maybe it was the sloppy trifecta of clothes, desk and attitude but he was fighting the arrogance demons big time today. 

“Why are you thinking about locum tenens Dr. Hamilton?”, asked Mrs. DeWald. 

So I can work my butt off in some god-forsaken place with a bunch of jerks he thought. 

“I just want a change of pace. Retirement was great but I needed to feel useful again. Being a doctor is so much of who I am I couldn’t give it up forever.” 

“What kind of position are you interested in?”, she asked. Any place without hospital administrators or jackass young doctors, he thought. “I’m flexible”, he said, “I just want to work with good solid people.” “Did you have any places in mind”, she asked. Hawaii or Vail would be nice, he thought, but anything would be better than a homeless shelter. 

“You know I could probably be happy anywhere as long as I am taking care of patients.” 

“That’s a great attitude Dr. Hamilton” she responded, “let’s see what’s available”. “You know that with the all the changes in healthcare locum tenens jobs have become very popular with doctors. We don’t have nearly as many positions available as we did a few years ago.” 

Great, thought Zeke, East Armpit here we come. 

“Here’s one that might interest you”, she said looking up from her computer screen. 

With that haircut I should at least be able to “pick two” he thought. 

“Great, what have you got for me?” he answered. 

“Now remember to keep an open mind. Some smaller hospitals are actually wonderful places to work”, she said with a smile. “It’s the patients and the people that make the difference”. 

Wow, he thought, this must be the physician placement version of the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech Zeke had used with assorted ex-girlfriends over the years. 

“There is a small hospital in Nebraska that really needs help” she said. 

His mouth was already forming the “no f—king way” when he heard the $5000 a week plus expenses part. 

“Nebraska” , he said, I’ve never been to that part of the country. Corn and football are two of my favorite things. What’s the job like?” 

“It’s a small hospital, she said, but it services a large area. They need a doc who can handle a lot of different things. The hospital patients need to be rounded on. There is a small ER that needs to be staffed and an outpatient clinic.” 

“Would I be working on my own”, he said. 

“There is another physician there as well as a nurse practitioner”, she said. “Have you ever worked with a nurse practitioner?” 

A nurse what? he thought but answered “oh yeah many times. They are always a great addition to the team”. 

“Well that is fantastic Dr. Hamilton”, she said, “ I think this will work out very well for everybody”. “When can you start? They could really use some help out there so the sooner the better”. 

“I have a few things I have to do before I leave(that rented DVD has to get back) and some loved ones to notify(OK maybe not) but I can leave in two days if that is convenient”. 

“Great, said Mrs. DeWald, we will book a flight for you on Wednesday. I will call them and make all your arrangements. I am sure they will be so excited to see you.” 

Now to find that DVD and rustle up some loved ones. He wasn’t even in Nebraska yet and he was talking about rustling, he thought. “Thanks so much for your help,” he answered. I can’t wait for this new adventure. Er, how does compensation work?” 

“If you give me your banking information I can arrange a direct deposit every week. Of course the hospital has to be happy with your work. That is part of the arrangement.” 

Great, he thought, once again at the mercy of the bozos. “No problem, he said, I am sure they will be very satisfied with my efforts. Goodbye Mrs. De Wald. It has been a pleasure”. Wait, he thought, not pleasure but something that begins with p—pain in the ass, that’s it. 

Next thing Zeke he knew he was on a plane to Omaha, Nebraska. First class-not hardly. business class-nope. Econo class with a middle seat and big fatties on either side. I had no idea that Omaha beef referred to humans, he thought, as he tried some meditative self shrinkage techniques. After landing and extricating himself from his fellow passengers Zeke made his way the the rental car kiosk. “Yes we have your reservation, Dr. Hamilton” said the clerk. Cedes, Beemer or Lambo thought Zeke. “Your Hyundai econo car is ready for you”. These guys really know how to roll out the red carpet, thought Zeke. 

Zeke found his car(in between a mercedes and a bmw by the way-thank you god) and prayed it had a GPS. Thankfully it did so he punched in his new home of Woomsey, Nebraska. 

Woomsey sounds too much like woe-is-me he thought. Maybe they need a shrink rather than a seasoned GP like me. Oh well they’ve got me now. He hit the gas and away he went to a new chapter in life. 

After four hours of country music and “huskers” football news Zeke finally pulled into the parking lot of the medical center. Wow, he thought, I didn’t know Days Inn was branching out into hospitals. The low slung building with the protruding awning screamed “free HBO”. It’s hard to believe this place holds 30 patients, operating rooms and an ER. This place was sure no Massachusetts General Hospital but he had 5000 good reasons to be here. Taking a deep breath he walked in and looked for a friendly face and free HBO. 

#zeke #m.d.