#i do need to just let it all go though bc it's just how it is and there are many worse situations to be in and i am very grateful for my

[yandere-sins]

Okay so I feel a bit silly about this, but I just have to ask at some point. To keep it short, I wonder if Dr Ratio has already had his first time and if he even has sex often. I mean he is a grown adult at all. Don't see me as a horny Dr Ratio simp, I'm just interested and little things like that always make me like a character even more. I would be happy if you would answer this question :)♡

Why feel silly? We love all kinds of sexual status here, especially when it's someone as delicious as Ratio! Also, I appoint you simp from now on, because we should be simping for him (but don't be like me and have him in your team just for aesthetics bc my Ratio makes no damage at all! :D And that's okay... :'D)

As wonderful as our Doc is, this is a very open-to-interpretation question. You can honestly go both ways with him, and we'll never know because... he probably wouldn't even tell or show any signs to his darling how much experience he has once he gets with them ;)

Maybe he is a virgin and a very stoic and pathetic one at that. In his pursuit of making knowledge more accessible to every "idiot", there isn't much time for personal needs. I totally see him pass out from sleep deprivation despite being horny and then suppress his morning wood with a cold shower, even though he's really not happy about it. No one knows why he's so upset, but they all avoid him on mornings like that. There's no way he never put a hand on himself in all these years, but he won't know the blessing that comes when someone else does it, until he meets his darling.

It's an instant game over for him, Veritas unable to form a complete sentence when he first meets you, his cock springing up, precum staining his clothes. It threatens to burst out of his pants, hard and agitated and in desperate need to be treated to its first experience of intercourse. He tries to play it cool with a faint blush on his cheeks, tries his usual spiel of pretending he's better than you after catching his composure immediately, always gauging your reactions and wanting to see them to fuel his desire. All while completely hiding the fact that he wants to drop to his knees and hump your feet.

That night, jerking off is more like ripping off as he just can't stop the thoughts of you invading his mind and making him hard again and again. His whole bed is sullied, the tissue box empty, the Doctor is panting and blushing and immediately reminded of how plump and soft your lips were. Or your ass as you walked away from him. The sparkle in your eyes and the few exposed spots of skin in your outfit. And then his thoughts are going wild with you bent over on his bed, exposing yourself to him, your giggles and moans replaying in his ears, although he made all of them up. Honestly, he's a bit ashamed afterward for losing his composure quite like that.

It doesn't make him any less pathetic when he finally gets his hands on you. You might be fighting and hating him, but he tied you up exactly the way he needs so he can fuck your thighs or pry your pretty lips open to stuff your mouth with his thick cock. And you never disappoint him in that regard. You'll still be as amazing, making him cum almost instantly the first few times, after being with him for years. Ratio will still yearn for the warmth of your body around his dick decades down the line, and he'll greet you with the same enthusiasm (just more stamina and better technique) every time he comes home to you. You two really grow together; isn't that sweet? ;)

OR

Man's still stoic and pathetic, but not with all those partners he had over the years, oh no. It's really bothersome to him to actually let one of those groupies get a piece of his cake, and he doesn't do it because his mind wants to. But it's just normal to fulfill a need he has, right? Veritas doesn't bed some random person (who found him super hot and practically ogled him all evening) for pleasure or enjoyment. Even less for payment, though some people try to buy his time and affection.

In short, he's a miserable lover.

We should feel bad for the people thinking he's going to blow their minds. It's not like he hurts them or anything, but he does his thing and leaves, telling anyone who's confused and dissatisfied that he didn't enjoy it much, either. He got to finish; that's all that matters to him. He's really awful to these poor souls; we can't deny it.

But then he met you, and everything changed. You are constantly on his mind, the underside of his table stained with remnants of cum as he savagely had to jerk himself up to free his thoughts again. But it doesn't really help, and he imagines doing things with you on his table, books, honestly, everywhere. Ratio has to flee any function if someone there happens to have the same perfume as you because he cannot control himself once reminded of you. And in the bitterness of moaning your name in an empty room, his cock mangled and still hard despite previous jerk-off sessions, he decided he has to have you, just so he can get a remnant of himself back. 

He is reading up on how to be a better lover as he fingers you simultaneously, observing your reactions and even going down on you... for research, of course. No one knew he'd get drunk on bringing you pleasure. On learning that the reason you were feeling so damn good was his work. Sure, it boosts his ego, but you have no idea what it does to him to see your eyes dazed, your expression twisting. He teases you, but it gets him off quicker than anything else when you admit how good you feel. He'll be grinning from ear to ear the following day, remembering what you said, only to pretend he wasn't reveling in the memories when you catch him. He loves teasing you, kissing every part of your body while you squirm, knowing it turns him even more on than it does you. It's a good thing you need so much convincing, so he can satisfy his greed for you plenty before the real deal begins.

Suddenly, sex is so much more interesting when he does it with you, no matter how much you complain in the beginning—your moans say otherwise. You may hate him, but gods, does he love the look on your face when you're overstimulated, and Ratio is only getting started, making you arch your back as he plunges into you, your legs quivering around his head. Drawing out the act and letting you 'suffer' is so much more delicious and enjoyable than anything he had with another person before. He doesn't even wonder if it would have changed anything for his feelings had he done his research with the partners he fucked before. Only you can make his heart race, get him drunk on your juices, and look like an angel in his sheets covered in his cum. It's only you, it's only ever been you, and he'll never let that go.

Because no matter how much you simp for him, he'll always simp more for you ;)

#Dr. Ratio #veritas ratio #yandere ratio #yandere!ratio #hsr #yandere hsr #honkai star rail #yandere honkai star rail #yandere talk #yandere #lemon #yandere imagines #yandere headcanons #yandere scenarios #yandere fanfiction #yandere writing #yandere stories #yandere oneshots #yandere oneshot #yandere drabble #yandere x reader #yandere x darling #Yandere TW

[astralis-ortus]

beyond forever and eternity

✱ husband!bc x fem!reader

— love cannot survive on luck alone.

w.count → 0.8k genre → fluff warning → chan referred to as chris, quite the amount of kisses, mild cussing, and the usual very ew-you're-so-in-love behavior. also, reader is addressed as wifey twice! a.n → based on this request! but friends, i think you need to stop me from all this domestic chan thing because i!! am!! dying!! from!! all!! the!! cuteness!!ㅠ /j

the past year had felt like the best time of your life.

sure, the first 6 months were filled with one heck of an emotional rollercoaster—a bunch of final wedding preparations, taking care of all the confusing legal papers, making sure your new home with chris was up to both your expectations, and actually having the wedding within the span of 180 days made you wonder if everything was real.

the latter part of the year is when your new reality starts to sink in. some days, it happened when you woke up next to a softly snoring chris—curls as messy as a bird’s nest, yet you couldn’t help but tread your fingers through those dark locks. some others, it happened when you watch his back while he showed off his newly acquired cooking skill, giggling away while chris convinces you—though it sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself—that eveything’s going exactly to plan.

other days, however, it happens simply when you caught a glance of the stack of beautiful silver bands on your ring finger, gleaming softly under the light of your cozy living room. you’d then look at your husband sitting next to you, faint crease decorating his forehead as his gaze focuses on a project he’d been working on for the past hour or so. you’d gently bring your finger to tap on those crease, immediately erasing its existence as chris shifted his focus towards you, gaze softening along the appearance of his dimpled smile.

being married to chris had felt like coming home—like he has always been everything you’ve been looking for and more.

“has it started?”

chris’ soft voice along with the warmth of his arm snaking around your waist swiftly snapped you out of your trance, gaze returning to your husband’s smile. you silently shook your head, instead wrapping your arms around his waist and gave into his warmth while allowing a content sigh to slip past your lips. “wasn’t paying attention, honestly,” you admitted, to which he immediately returned with chuckle.

“you’re sleepy?” he gently planted his lips on your forehead while running his palm on your side. “wanna call it a night?”

“no!” you whined, lips pursing in protest. “i’m not sleepy. besides, it’s only like 2 minutes till new year, and i want to spend the first seconds awake with my husband,” you playfully emphasized—and there it was. the rosy bloom across his face quietly surfaces despite chris’ attempt to play it cool, and it never fails to amuse you.

guess it won’t be hard for you to bet that you’ll never be the only one in love in this relationship.

“gosh, wifey,” looking at you with a scrunched nose, chris finally let the adoration bubbling in his chest win when he playfully ruffles your hair—which, of course, earns a string of protests from you, “do you really love me that much?”

“think so,” you stuck out your tongue, eyes twinkling as you decide to further tease your now-red-as-a-tomato husband. “i think i love you so so so much to the point i might pass out. i mean, how can i not? you’re charming, you’re adorable, you’re handsome, you’re hot as fuck—how do you expect me not to? i’m just—“

you haven’t been paying attention—but again, how could you? your gaze had been fixated on chris’ beautiful features, taking notes on every minuscule scar and freckles painted across his blooming face; but as the plush of his lips shuts off your rambling ones, warm hands cradling your equally warm cheeks,

you could hear the fireworks within you harmonize with the colorful blasts outside the window of your hotel room.

you know you’re lucky—despite believing in the concept of soulmates, you know there are universes where your path with chris’ remains as distant, separated parallel lines. you know that nurturing your relationship with chris will have its ups and downs. you know what you have now with chris will forever be both unbreakable and fragile,

and you’re determined to turn your every day with chris as special as it could be.

“happy new year, wifey,” he mumbled quietly, lips fixed into a smile as it grazed against yours when he finally pulled away. pads of fingers tucking the stray strands off your face, chris followed the kisses across your face—on your forehead, your closed eyelids, your rosy cheeks, your soft jaw, before he returned his lips home onto yours.

“thank you for staying with me—for promising­ your forever to me, and i’m looking forward to spending my eternity with you,” with a smile apparent on his lips, his gaze were soft as he tenderly peered into your glossy ones.

“i love you—more than words could ever explain.”

©️ astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡

#stray kids fluff #skz fluff #bang chan fluff #stray kids drabbles #skz drabbles #bang chan drabbles #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #bang chan imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #bang chan scenarios #stray kids au #skz au #bang chan au #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #bang chan fanfic #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #bang chan x reader #stray kids x you #skz x you #bang chan x you #stray kids #skz #bang chan #isa's fics

[ponderingmoonlight]

Sanemi Shinazugawa standing up for you

Pairing: Sanemi x fem!reader

Word Count: 2,1k

Synopsis: You are used to no one believing in you, to get picked on by other corps member because you're a girl. Until one of them crosses the line and starts a fights. Until a certain someone stands up for you when no one else does.

Warnings: not proofread bc I have a gym date with my boy (in order to have a biceps as beefy as (y/n)'s lmao), reader gets reduced to being a weak woman when she is anything but that, bad girl energy, Sanemi being a cutie

„I can’t believe they allowed a little girl to participate.”

“Look at her. There’s no way she survived the training of the former sound hashira, the serpent pillar and landed here.”

“Probably nothing but luck. Or she cheated.”

Don’t listen to them, just focus on staying hydrated and eating enough for your upcoming training. It has always been this way. You, a girl in a world of boys against everything. Why is it so hard to believe that you are capable of doing what they do when two female hashira show them how it’s done? You work your ass of day in and out, stayed consistent for your whole life. You’re always the first who appears in the morning and the last of them who falls into bed after practice. Nothing in life is given you for free, especially when it comes to strength. But apparently, they fail to realize this even after being a part of the demon slayer corps for quite some time.

“I bet she slept her way up.”

Your heart drops to the floor, eyes widen in sheer disbelief. You, sleeping your way up?

“Yeah, maybe she aims to be the fourth wife of him or something.”

“So that’s why he’s always going easy on her.”

“I can hear you. Loud and clearly”, you finally speak up.

They are talking about you as if you are nothing but air, as if you wouldn’t share the same air. Anger begins to rush through your veins uncontrollably. All this work only to be called the mistress of a former hashira?

“I couldn’t care less about the existence of a woman who fucked her way up”, one of them spits directly into your face.

“How are your trainees doing?”, the white-haired men questioned while staring into the sunset.

“Most of them are trash. That one though…”

Instantly, Sanemi’s gaze is glued onto Obanai who now sits next to him.

“Really? You’ve got one that has some balls?”

“A girl, to be exact. She seems decently skilled and Actually just transferred to your training”, Obanai clarifies.

“I never heard of a girl getting through Uzui’s basic training until now”, Sanemi replies while rubbing his chin.

A girl, huh? He can’t put a finger on the last time he ever trained one. But if Obanai talks so highly about you, there sure must be something going on.

“She’s got potential. Let’s just hope there’s enough time.”

“Instead of lying around like the loser you are, try training next time. I don’t need to fuck my way up, I’m all good by my own”, you bark back along with straightening your shoulders.

Who does this guy think he is? Talking behind your back like that while you don’t even know who the fuck he is.

“You’re nothing but a weak woman, I’m sure it was way too easy for you to wrap them hashira around your finger.”

You draw closer, his dreadful eyes piercing like arrows through yours. But you couldn’t care less. No, this is enough.

“Bold coming from a guy who obviously never touched a woman in his entire life. To be honest, I could give you one or two reasons for that. But it’s not my job to tell you what kind of loser you are. Now excuse me, the training session with the wind hashira begins soon and you definitely aren’t worth being late to that.”

“Why do I have to waste my time with those losers?”, Sanemi mumbles to himself while walking towards the campsite where all the trainees are located.

Or wait, didn’t Obanai talk about a skilled girl earlier? Maybe she’ll last longer than that bunch of losers. While getting closer, his eyes fall on a crowd of multiple guys cheering and staring of what looks like a sensation in the middle.

“What the hell is going on over there?”

You manage to escape his punch just before he hits your face with full force, so unexpected that your eyes widen. Did he just try to slap you? In your face?

“Are you out of your goddamn mind? We are here to get trained and not to fight each other like animals!”, you roar at him.

Another dash forward, another failed attempt to hit you with full force while everyone around you starts eyeing you up and down. This must be a cruel joke, a nightmare. You joined the demon slayer corps to fight against injustice and to support peace. But in this very moment, you find yourself surrounded by your comrades who definitely try to hurt you.

“You just have to play the smartest one, don’t you? I don’t give a damn about your little game. I will never respect a woman who fucked her way up”, he jeers back at you.

You force yourself not to cry, to not show them how much their fucking words sting. All your life, you were forced to fight against those who wanted to see you suffer, does who didn’t put trust in your abilities. Your neighbors, your friends, even your own family. Never more than a little girl with crazy dreams, never more than average with no one who believes in her.

“You have no i-“

An enormous storm of air swirling around you catches you completely off guard and almost sweeps you off your feet. You aren’t able to see anything anymore, let alone move. Fuck, what is this? Definitely not the power of that jerk from before. Your lungs feel like bursting under the immense pressure, chest so tight that you have to force air in and out. What on earth is this?

“That’s enough. Who do you even think you are?”

When the storm calms down as rapidly as it came, you find yourself landing onto the floor with your knees just in time while everyone around you bumps into the ground head-first.

“S-she attacked me! It was her fault!”

Your eyes widen in sheer horror when you begin to realize who was responsible for this. There he stands with his katana in his hand, his white cloak still flowing in the wind.

And his dreadful orbs are set on you.

You try to scream, try to defend yourself, but all of the sudden you forgot how to speak. This is the wind hashira, Sanemi Shinazugawa. After all those countless sessions with Tengen and Obanai, it was your goal to get here, to impress him.

But now you’re kneeling to his feet while countless men point their fingers at you, claiming you’re the one responsible for this mess.

“So, this was you?”, he questions.

There is no doubt in the fact that his ask is directed towards you. Not when he looks at you so serious with his hand clutched into a tight fist.

“I didn’t mean to cause trouble”, you finally press out.

Defending yourself is a waste of time. With all those men saying you’re the problem, your words mean nothing. All you can do is sit here and hope that you’re able to stay, hope that the wind hashira won’t send you back home like everyone predicted.

“You have to be fucking kidding me”, he mutters with low voice.

It’s over. This is it, your final time at the hashira training. Even giving your best wasn’t enough, apparently. Not when nobody believes in you except yourself. You should have kept quiet, should have ignored their stupid sayings. You furrow your eyebrows, wild eyes going hard.

No. You did everything right. No one is allowed to talk to you in such a manner, to say all those nasty things about you. It was the only right thing to defend your honor. There is nothing to regret.

“Are you really trying to make her responsible for this when I heard your dumb ass talking shit about her? You have some fucking nerve, lying into the face of a hashira.”

Time stands still, you don’t dare to make a move while the crowd around you goes silent. Did the wind hashira really just…Stand up for you?

“Now get lost, all of you brats. If you’d be as good at fighting as in talking shit, we would have beaten all demons already.”

He doesn’t have to tell them twice. In the matter of seconds, the usual crowded area is deadly silent with only you and the white-haired man remaining. Your heart almost beats out of your chest, eyes now fixated on his back. Why would he even stand up for a stranger, especially a girl? It’s probably best if you get away from here as well-

“No, not you. You definitely stay”, he instructs you after you take one single step forward.

You freeze right in your tracks. What now? Will he kick you out, send you back to your family? What if he didn’t mean those words he said earlier, what if he’s not convinced that you are in fact innocent?

“Listen, I’m sorry about t-“

“You really have some balls, dealing with a bunch of guys like that. My honest respect for that.”

 “What?”, you blurt out.

And there it is. The most breath-taking smile you’ve ever seen, a smile that makes your heart and stomach flutter, that leaves you standing there like an idiot. You never actually believed in love, let alone to fall for someone. But the wind hashira, standing in front of you with his katana casually placed over his shoulders and his hand on his hip while smiling at you…

You’re lost. Deeply, completely, utterly lost.

“It’s clear that you’re working hard and I admire that. They have no right to talk to you this disrespectfully. I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that”, he replies with his charismatic low voice.

“Thank you for standing up for me. For a second, I was pretty sure you’ll send me back home”, you admit while avoiding his gaze.

Maybe you’re still able to prove them all wrong, maybe you will make it after all. The hashira training is your chance to finally show your true self. You grab the handle of your katana tightly. And you will do everything you can to use that chance.

“Why would I send someone like you home when you’re one of the best corps members? These guys don’t know shit about you and it’s clear that they’re jealous. Don’t listen to those people and keep up the hard work.”

The man in front of you definitely isn’t the monster you’ve heard of. The rough and loud wind hashira who has zero control over his emotions, who rejected his own brother. The man who means nothing but violence, nothing but trouble. No, that man in front of you is smiling at you, teasing you in order to become better. And you’ll do everything to thank him for believing in you.

-one week later-

“You can’t keep her for yourself any longer. Apart from Kamado, she’s one of the greatest chances the demon slayer corps have. It’s Gyomei’s turn to train her”, Shinobu explains calmly, earning one of the deadliest looks ever from the wind hashira.

Truth is, he doesn’t want to let you go. He wants to see you every day, wants to train with you as often as he can, wants to talk with you into the night. What is left when you’re not around except the effect you had on him, the admiration he holds for you in his heart? Sanemi thought he’d never be able to find love again, that no other woman would ever catch his heart. But there you are with your determination made of stone and heart made of gold.

“She’s better off with me”, he mumbles with a pout, not daring to look into the insect pillar’s eyes.

It’s clear that he’s acting ridiculous. When it comes to gaining more strength and abilities, you’re definitely not better off by his side only. He can’t just gatekeep you for his own will.

“Don’t tell me you started liking her”, Obanai comments dryly.

“Sanemi, is it possible, that…that…”

“Don’t you dare saying that”, he warns the pink-haired girl opposite of him.

“ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH (Y/N)!?”

“SHUT UP, I NEVER SAID THAT!”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY IT, I CAN SEE IT IN YOUR EYES!”

“WHY? BECAUSE THEY’RE BLOODSHOT!?”

Him, in love with a woman? How ridiculous…

Right?

He huffs to himself. Yeah, there is no denying in the fact that he fell a little too hard.

Tags: @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix  @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld

@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @poketrainer2270 @chaoticwinnercupcake

@lees-chaotic-brain @wordskeeper @polarbvnny @sugu-love @ryva @baku2345

@komelrebi-san @kentocalls (your fic will be next) @barbuse @sunshine7queen

#kny #kny x reader #kny sanemi #kny fluff #kimetsu #kimetsu fic #kny fic #kimetsu sanemi #kimetsu fluff #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #demon slayer fic #demon slayer x y/n #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer x you #demon slayer x female reader #demon slayer fluff #demon slayer sanemi #sanemi shinaguzawa #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #sanemi x you #sanemi fluff #sanemi x y/n #demon slayer shinazugawa #kyny shinazugawa

[starfxkr]

I’m scared to share my freaky and truly nasty thoughts here just yet… but trailer park!jj coming home all pissed about his stupid fucking boss and idiots coming to get their car fixed and trailer park!reader is finishing up during when jj comes to her all scary and rape-y like manhandling her but she’s fighting against him bc she made dinner and wants to just sit and eat with him and he ends up pounding her on the kitchen floor of his trailer cause she never listens

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

the day he had couldn't have been fuckin worse, and here you were with all that fucking yapping. truth be told jj couldn't give much of a fuck about your day, which deep down made him feel shitty because of how bright and happy you looked when you saw him, babbling on about the dinner you made and hoping he liked it, but he didn't say anything. instead he stood over you, leaning against the fridge and blocking the only path out as he watched your smile fade.

"um...did i do something wrong?" you shifted anxiously when you finally caught onto his sour mood.

"nah, nothin you did just had a bad day." you looked visibly relieved you weren't the cause until he continued, "you could fix it though."

you had a suspicion about what he meant, and it had nothing to do with the meal he just prepared, "but-but i cooked..."

jj just shrugs, "that's not what i'm hungry for."

in a split second he reaches out to grab you, fussing and fighting as you struggled against his grasp, "wait-! it's gonna be cold, i just wanted to eat eat with you!" try as you might, you were no match for the sheer size and strength of him.

"we'll heat it back up then."

it's nothing for him to wrestle you face first to the kitchen floor, despite your kicking and smacking he was quick to restrain your grasping hands in one fist as he pulled your panties down with another. you're not wet enough, not yet, so he quickly wets his fingers in his mouth to plunge them into you, stretching you out as quickly as possible before spitting right on your plump lips, smirking when he sees your hole clench around the air, "there we go, that's what i wanna see."

you're squirming in his grasp when he pushes in, whining at the burning stretch, "papa it hurts...i just-i just wanted to-"

he wastes no time setting a punishing rhythm, using his grip on you as leverage and he mocks, "just wanted to what sweet pea? go on, tell me."

you can't, not with the pace he's at and the depth he's going. all words flew out your mind as you finally submitted to the harsh pounding.

"you just talk so fuckin much, i just wanted a little peace, that's it."

if silence was what he was after, he got it. you were so overwhelmed you could barely breathe, only letting out soft clicking grunts as he stroked your walls and bumped against your cervix almost painfully.

by the way your feet were starting to kick he could tell you were close--problem was he didn't know if he wanted to let you cum or not.

"shit...you're gonna make a mess huh?"

weakly you nod, doing your best to stratch at him so he would ease up, "god, stop. i-i have to pee..." you let out a sharp whine as he speeds up, fucking down into you as the squelch of your pussy increases, "slowdownslowdownslow-ah!"

it's like you stop breathing completely, your whole body seizing up as you squirt your release all over the kitchen floor. vaguely you hear a loud groan behind you, then a flood of heat fills your cunt as you lay there panting and spent.

jj lets you go as he pulls out, very narrowly avoid you collapsing onto the floor as he catches you and brings you back up to rest against his chest.

"sorry bout that sweet pea, i just needed a moment. now what'd you say you cooked again im starvin."

#✨.txt #jj maybank prompt #trailer park!jj

[teojira]

[Caesar and Proximus' day to day life] [headcanons]

Summary: You're a human companion to the two apes, this is little things to expect as you live with them and in addition, the rest of the apes.

Word count: 900+

Warnings: None that I can think of! This is mostly platonic, some romance in Caesars if you squint.

Pronouns: Not specified.

A/N: first Planet of the apes request!! I'm so excited, shoutout to the other writers on ao3 I've looked up to for years. I hope this is okay anon! I couldn't reference back to your ask since I lost it and I hope this is the general idea you were hoping for 💀🙏

[Caesar]

For the sake of this, Caesar did NOT die at the end of war, and you're immune to the disease! (Nova is also fine here bc fuck you that's my daughter)

Truth be told it was very very very fortunate for you that you appealed to his good side after all this time, He's tired.

Tired of being hurt, tired of losing family, but he has no choice but to push on, when you offered at first to help him with any injuries or issues that arise in the colony, it's a firm no.

Despite everything he's been through, Caesar does love humans, he think a part of him always will, so just keep trying and you will crack his shell.

Once you two finally have something akin to friendship, is when he finally learns that he can rely on you.

It isn't uncommon to see you holding Cornelius and walking to and from different parts of the colony, Caesar trying in vain to tell you to let the boy down, saying you'll start to spoil him (it's too late, Cornelius will start to go to you for when his dad tells him no.)

Caesar doesn't really think he'd ever find another mate, but without his notice, you start to fill in that role.

Spending the most time with him, helping him make decisions, taking care of Cornelius, helping the other apes learn and sign, you take on the role fairly well.

It isn't uncommon for you to tend to his wounds, he prefers to go to you versus the others, he acts akin to a child when in your care though, hissing dramatically when you rub a salve on his forearm. It results in you slapping his shoulder and it makes him laugh.

Speaking of laughing, he never thought having you around would lighten the weight of the world he constantly holds over his shoulders, you make him feel young again. Before all of this.

He grows fonder of you when he sees some aspects of Caroline in you, noting just how loving and caring you are not only to him, but to everyone, Maurice, Rocket, even Bad ape with how much of an odd ball he is.

Caesar may be the leader (and old, you remind him. He ignores you.) but it doesn't mean he can stay at the colony all day, he goes out to hunt with the others, and when he does, he'll come to you and do a palms up, waiting for your permission.

He doesn't need it, but it makes you feel better when you see him off.

Maybe this is me projecting but he is SO possessive of you, he's lost so much, he lost Buck, Luca, Blue eyes, Cornelia, Koba, Will, his grandfather.

It puts him on the defense, never wanting you to go anywhere without at least one ape to protect you. It'll lead to arguments you Will not win.

Sorry if you just want to go to the river to wash up, either he's coming with you or Rocket is. Too Bad so sad.

Other apes come to you to ask you to ask Caesar if they can do something they Know he would never approve of, it's because they know out of everyone here, with the exception of a handful of apes, you're his soft spot.

Many apes were concerned with you joining them, but you've earned your spot among them, you are loved and trusted.

Koba would be rolling in his grave, seeing you work alongside Caesar, being a genuinely good person and a loving companion.

[Proximus]

It's canon that Proximus has a fondness for humans, but it's so severely different than Caesars, no matter how much he claims to be like the former.

You're more so of a toy to him, similar to Trevathan, but while he reads the Bonobo literature and teaches him things, you're like a pet. You keep him entertained.

This isn't to say he treats you cruelly though, all things considered, you're taken care of fairly well with a lot of luxuries the other apes under his rule are not privy to.

You wear a collar, which is demeaning, but it is better than having a chain connected to it, so everyone knows you're his.

Poor Sylva being forced to be your guard when you ask if you can go walking alone the beach, he doesn't want to do it but he WILL (he becomes fond of you begrudgingly, partially out of respect for Proximus but you're too nice for your own good, asking him how his day is going and whatnot. He hates you.)

Proximus calls you pet, btw. He knows your name but will only use it when it's the two of you or for special occasions.

Brings you out into the colony to show you all the progress being made, he's looking for his ego to be inflated, go ahead and do it so you two can head back inside and get out of the heat.

He likes to show you off while he does, telling his subjects that you're special, like Nova was to Caesar. He's delusional and Caesar would be fucking pissed to be compared.

He doesn't need you to do much honestly, you're meant to sit there and look pretty and make him feel important. Maybe help him out with grooming and taking care of his belongings. He trusts you to mend and keep his crown and his attire in good condition.

Likes to play with your hair, the texture is different than apes, and he finds it soothing to run his fingers through it or just pet your head. Once again, it is very demeaning, but it could be worse.

Like Caesar, he is possessive and will try and limit your contact with the others in fear you'll like them more. Your little trio consists of you, himself, and Sylva. He lets you interact with Trevathan, but it's not an everyday thing.

He does care for you more than he'd ever admit, but it doesn't mean he'll particularly change for your sake, at least not intentionally. He's kinda insane and kinda a piece of shit, and you're aware of this.

Makes you sit next to him when he hosts dinners, making sure to pat your head and coo at you (When Noa first sees you at the table getting treated like how he'd treat an eagle, he gives you one of his signature side eyes bc lmao what the fuck is going on)

When it comes down to the ending of the movie when he dies, you're at a loss, Mae frankly thinks you're too far gone, and Noa is not willing to take a chance to offer you a home.

All you have really left to do is to go back to the colony and what's left of it, back to the remaining apes and humans still left unattended. Telling them they're free to go.

At some point among the years of being the closest to Proximus, you do care for him, and it's hard to think he's gone, he offered you a sense of security and belonging, but it's gone now.

ᴛʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴠᴇʀʏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜰᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ɪ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜᴇᴀʀ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴏᴏɴ!

#heres the apes post lets see if anyone unfollows me /j #i dont care i warned on the pin LMAO #teddy loves apes ☆ #planet of the apes x reader #planet of the apes #pota #kotpota #planet of the apes caesar #kingdom of the planet of the apes Proximus Caesar #Proximus Caesar #Caesar

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Another idea thats been rolling in my head is a Dynasty/Emperor Au. Where either some of the boys are Emperors or working for one and the listeners are Concubines trying to get away. Or one listener being a Emperor of sorts and all of the boys are their Concubines.

The only one I see being a Emporor is Auron, but it would be intresting if a different boy was one of a different region. I can see Auron having lots of Concubines but letting them do whatever they want with restrictions of course. He's the son of one after all and knows that they can have worth for things they wish to do.

Faust being Prince would be intresting bc he was going to be Emperor. But the more he sees Auron dealing with shit he enjoys having the privilege he has. Seeing Star though the main entertainer of his brothers harem want to see if he could be friends with them. He does ended up getting them in the end, only because Star told Auron truthfully they wanted to be with him. The read head was happy his brother found someone.

Alphonse has a candy shop still but also works at a Brothel. This caused him to meet Boo, who also worked there but was picked up by Auron because he loved their cooking. When Boo was given one wish by Auron they asked if Alphonse could come with them. Alphonse ended up being Boo's helper in the kitchen when baking. He makes candy treats for everyone, he confessed to Boo with a candy bouquet Finn helped him make. Auron made a comment once saying he was glad that Al finally confessed his feelings.

Seth is tricky to see in this au, but he was a theif but turned bounty hunter who works for Auron. He can see Alphonse is happy and decided he should too. Their still friends but he sees a fighter in the harem's ranks, Scout. Their more like a body guard for Auron only joined because they were bored. Both spar and go hunting together for new bounties for Auron. Seth tried to give Auron money to buy Scout from him but Auron just let them be.

Charlie works with Jack to get information. He also helps Boo serve food to the concubines telling them what they wanted to eat for the day. The listeners were ease to serve for but when he saw Casper again for the first time he froze. Casper was a successful merchant that asked to be apart of Auron's harem for protection. When they saw Charlie again they rushed to him and spinned him around. They connected again and Casper demanded that they wanted to be with Charlie. Auron smiled when he realized the person Charlie wanted to find again found him first.

Finn is the main gardener for Auron, he knows how to make the palace look lively for him. Sunflower is a poison make for Auron and taster. When meeting Finn they loved how he could identify the flowers they used based on smell. Finn tried to suppress his emotions but Auron told him that he only keeps Sunflower because they make sure he's not poisoned. He basically helped the two get together.

Lucien is a son of a warlord that tried to conquer Auron's empire. But Auron welcomed them into his palace, then poisoned Lucien's father with Sunflowers poisons. Big red was happy he did so he even took the title of being the new warlord and decided to make a trendy with Auron. Angel joined the harem because they were on the run from the deceased warlord, Lucien actually help then escape. The two had a crush on eachother and so to get them back Lucien asked if he could have them back. Auron agreed but told him if they are even hurt slightly by him he'd kill Lucien.

Jack is the one that does any job Auron needs done. Hunting someone down? On it. Information is needed from a different region? Here you go your Majesty. Buddy is like a Jester in a way from Auron, they were gifted to him by their parents who were wealthy nobles. They cracked a joke at him and Auron laughed at it. The two meet when Jack is giving information about a family and Buddy tells a joke. Caught off guard Jack laughed, Buddy really liked how it sounded so they always tell him some.

Auron is just happy that his concubines are well taken care of. He saw what being one was like by his mother, and what being the Emperor's favorite will do to them. So when Rook finally joined, they became part of his public image helper. They showed everyone that Auron wasn't a cruel tyrant he just seemed as one because he couldn't let other regions think he was weak. Slowly they broke him down and he asked if they wanted to be his partner. He knew nome of the others would want to hurt them since they were in love with other people and Rook accepted.

But when I think about just one listener being the Emperor (used gener neutral) is intresting as well:

All the YV boys are very different and some probably would never want to share a partner. But they were either gifted or picked by Listener to be in their harem.

Alphonse was picked because they loved how he made them feel normal. Just joking around and giving them candy when they went into the city to be normal for a day. So they asked if he wanted to come be in the palace and be taken care of for the rest of his life. Platonic or not they would respect his decision. He accepted.

Seth is tricky as well because he was trying to find Alphonse after leaving his pack of thieves. But heard he was taken to the palace he went to challenge the Emperor for his hand. The deal was if he won they give him Alphonse back but if they win he was to join their harem. They won but had a long discussion with Seth about why they took Alphonse and just wanted to give him a better life. He accepted after thinking over what it would be like a life without struggle.

Charlie was a childhood friend that listener had as a play mate when younger. Sadly when listener came of age Charlie left, he was threatened for being so close to them. He worked as a theif under Auron, but when listener saw him again they asked if he could just come back with them. He didn't want to at first but then said that no one would hurt him. After spending time together again he agreed to it, Auron even sent him off with money in case something went wrong.

Finn was apart of a family that was broken by the old Emperor before Listener took over. He was picked out from other nobles to become a concubine for them. Listener remembered him when younger meeting him in a garden where he was rambling about flower facts and how he wanted a flower shop. Listener told him of their memory and said they would fund it. Finn felt so happy he finally got his dream that he agreed.

Faust was given to listener by his father when they were born. He was also a playmate of them to get them use to nobles. Listener is more of a friend to him and let him do whatever he wants. They know what training he had to endorse to become the perfect 'groom' for them. Faust keeps most of the other concubines in check if they try something that will displease listener who has a thousand other things to worry about. He likes causing problems for the advisors he and listener doesn't like.

Auron is a powerful and influential merchant that basically runs the market. Since he knew Listener through Faust he supports them. Listener knows of his other job but chooses to not knowledge it, they know better not too. But lots of people kept pushing for them to either marry or make Auron a concubine for them. So to get hem off his back listener gave him a title of honorary concubine. Faust wasn't happy but listener told him they only did so because Auron is someone they're expect and want to keep safe from other power hungry nobles. Helps keep nobles and concubines stay in line with Faust.

Lucien is a son of a warlord once again in this. He was gifted to listener by his father because he lost a battle against them. Seeing that he loves to cook listen let him become their personal cook. He was just happy that he was able to have a semi normal life so he makes sure to give listener a feast when they wish. He gets along well with Alphonse and butts heads with Faust sometimes. But in all he's pretty chill with everyone, and is used as a intimidation factor for listener when dealing with other warlords and nobles that try and test them.

Jack is their handy man they chose because Finn told them all of the things he can do. Jack was a normal commoner that became friends with Finn bc his family worked for Finn's. He was a butler of sorts for Finn when he was picked by Listener but as time went by Listener liked how good he was at a lot of things. Auron even praised his work ethic once and told Listener that they should add him to the harem. So they did asking Finn and him if that was okay, they were happy to be closer to each other again. Now they can hang out without any of the other concubines out of the YV boys commenting on it.

#hhmm Emporor au mixes my brain chemistry right #lord help me i almost forgot about Charlie #also i was YAPPINGG #red rants #yuurivoice #yuurivoice auron #yuurivoice alphonse #yuurivoice seth #yuurivoice faust #yuurivoice finn #yuurivoice jack #yuurivoice lucien #red writes

[scekrex]

So here I'm after telling you that I need to cry over the next part of "A bloody nose and two bleeding hearts" I was thinking about it for a moment and it took me there...

Adam took the reader back to heaven yay. But not everything is so dandy, the Reader has fallen, even if he's back, he's fallen angel. With that comes everything that a fallen angel would feel...cut connection with Father, that strange feeling of being alone, cast aside, not wanted. If the reader had wings there are phantom pains, I'm imagining that the wings would somehow change, maybe colour, or maybe he would lose feathers in a few places, unfortunately it's not two or three feathers... Now the Reader is thinking about what Adam has told him and he can't help but wonder if that was a lie, because how could someone want him after the fall? Adam on the other side doesn't know what to really do with the reader... He sees that the reader is getting more and more depressed with each day, but it has been a long time since he had comforted someone depressed(I imagine it would be Cain after killing Abel, but that's just my little headcanon, that Cain after killing his brother and coming back to his senses would get so depressed). Even so he tries to take care of the reader, by not letting Sera close again or something like that. It does help a bit, but the reader now needs all love Adam could give him, to see and feel that what Adam has told him was real, that he was wanted by someone even if he fell.

So yes, that's all I think...and even if not it doesn't matter, I'll love it anyway

Omg I love this soooo much - depressed reader is something I find so much comfort in

Part 1

For what we have done we will pay our price

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, hurt - with comfort

note: not beta read bc fuck you

Heaven felt different, now that you were back. It felt so cold, so lonely, all the warmth it had once provided was gone, you were no longer able to feel the heavenly connection to it you once had. Its colors had once been bright and welcoming to your eyes but after your fall they simply didn’t look the same to you, they looked grayish, boring and just as cold as they felt. The great and loving connection you used to have to Father was not present anymore, you were not able to feel him guiding you, protecting you anymore and you were only to assume that he wasn’t feeling your bright spirit in return. Because your spirit seemed to be so many things and all of them were ugly, ugly just like your appearance had become once your feet had touched hellish ground.

Your wings simply weren’t the same anymore, just like everything else and while you were somewhat thankful that you weren’t surrounded by sinners, you weren’t quite sure if being surrounded by judgemental angels was any better. They stared at you, at your wings and really, you couldn’t even blame them because if you were in their position you would’ve stared and judged as well. But it really didn’t help with your situation. Your wings, once a beautiful bright white with a light blue touch to the tips of your feathers had turned gray, not only had they changed to look less pure and more tainted, you had also started to lose feathers. That had started once Adam had brought you back to heaven and you only assumed it was their way of punishing you for disobeying the law. In the end it really didn’t matter why it happened, what was more important was that it happened and it made your wings look rotten, which only caused your appearance in general to look even messier.

Because ever since Adam had brought you back to heaven you had been crashing at his place, they had sold your place within a couple of hours and while that had been painful due to the loss of very personal items, it wasn’t the end of the world. Everything else seemed like it though. The energy to leave the bed every day was barely existent and you asked yourself how Adam did it, how he managed to get up every day, how he managed to just go about his day and not give a fuck about heaven’s questionable decisions.

You were lying in the first man’s bed, your body was covered by your own wings and a soft blanket - the blanket was necessary because of the giant bald areas on your wings, without it you would’ve caught a cold, a thing Adam tried to prevent. Your relationship towards Adam had changed in general, there was no more playful teasing, that had been replaced by soft touches and warm cuddles every now and then, but was it enough to keep you sane and intact? You weren’t sure. On the other hand you weren’t truly sure of anything, not when Adam’s soft words felt like lies. Why would the brunette care for you in the ways he claimed to care for you and like you? What reason have you ever given him to think of you as someone to adore and love?

The first man entered the room, something you were only able to hear, your eyes were covered by three feathers that were still left on the edge of your wing, three lonely feathers that reminded you of what you’ve once been and how drastically that had changed. “Are you dead?” the first man asked jokingly, but to you his question wasn’t funny. Because to you death seemed like a less painful and energy draining thing, like a thing more beautiful than the miserable afterlife you were stuck in. And it wasn’t Adam’s fault, yes he had been teasing you, yes he had been pushing your buttons but you had been the one to punch him so really it was your fault for losing control. And yet he not only brought you back to heaven but also let you crash at his place. Probably the nicest thing Adam had done since Eden.

“I wish,” you mumbled against the dry skin of your almost featherless wing, the sensitive body part twitched and you sighed as you removed it from your body and simply cuddled up in the blanket instead. You were able to remember how your wings used to feel, how the connection to Father used to feel and what heaven used to look like and you were quite sure that the blanket was not making up for your once so soft wings - far from it actually. You heard clicking sounds, Adam must have put something down. And just as you were about to turn around to look at what he was doing the mattress dipped next to you and you felt the blanket being lifted up a little. The next thing you recognized were strong arms that wrapped around your body and pulled you flush against Adam’s chest. It was more of a reflex to tug your wings in during cuddles. And then you felt it. Soft feathers were brushing against your bare torso, they slid over your sweaty skin so smoothly.

Adam had wrapped his wings around you.

“Don’t fucking say that,” his voice sounded so unusual soft, so warm and comforting, there was no sarcastic comments, no harsh shoves, he was not trying to push your buttons either. He simply laid there, right next to you and tried his best to bring back the familiar feeling of heaven. You felt his feathers gently stroking your back in slow motions, up, then down, then up, then down. You got lost in the rhythm of it, so lost in fact that you forgot to respond to Adam. But was it important to respond to the brunette in the first place? You had only been honest and you were quite sure that everything else you had to say the first man wouldn’t like at all. And while his words were cheap - they had been and maybe they always will be - his actions weren't. Because instead of thinking of you as something disgusting he held you in his arms like the biggest treasure he had ever been allowed to touch. He looked at you with such loving eyes, touched you with gentle hands and cozy wings, kissed you with soft lips and passion you never expected from a person like him.

And maybe - just maybe - rotting away in heaven wasn’t all that bad. At least not with Adam by your side.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adam x male reader #male reader #adam x y/n #adam x reader #adam x you

[highladyelenna]

Wow, okay. So i didn’t think I needed to clarify that this post:

was indeed a shit post and a fucking joke.

But, some people decided to take jokes and treat them seriously so I guess let me defend myself??

I said that this scene was important for Feyre not because of ANYTHING that had to do with Rhys. This scene was important to Feyre because she needed to learn how to rely on herself. She was used to relying on Tamlin or Rhysand in her new life. So much so that she forgot she relied on herself and her instincts most of her life. Feyre wanted to be apart of the war coming. She wanted to help. So she needed to learn how to be collected and calm and rely on herself in order to survive. In war it’s messy. It’s dangerous. You are risking your life every second. Every choice you make risks your life. Now, was this scene dangerous? Yes. Could Rhys have taught her this an easier way? Yes. BUT you need to remember that this scene was in order to prepare to go steal the Book from Tarquin. Would that be an easier situation to be in? No. Would it be less dangerous? No. So, as much as I felt for Feyre. As much as I wish Rhys did it differently, I understand why. He didn’t do it to “prove her love” the ring just happened to be there. And, let’s not forget that Rhys was there the WHOLE time. Do you really think that he’d just let her die? He would’ve stepped in if she needed but he can’t coddle her. She needed to learn to stand on her own two feet.

This post really had nothing to do with Tamlin. Quite literally NOTHING. So bringing him up to start an argument is just kinda wild. But this brings to their next comment.

The countless innocents that you are referring to..I assume is under the mountain? Which..is no one’s fault but Amaranthas?

Rhysand UTM was terrible. He was cruel. He was a monster. Because he HAD to be. He had to play his part to free Pyrithan. He is a morally grey character and they do things that most people don’t agree with that’s the whole point.

The kiss scene was not okay. It was assault and that’s that. Doesn’t matter if it was just a kiss. He had a reason for doing it but again it was assault point blank. I have never stated in any of my posts that I condone him forcefully kissing Feyre no matter his intentions. Even though Feyre understood why it was uncomfortable to read and SJM should’ve written something-anything else.

I’ve stated my opinion on the pregnancy situations many times. But basically, I think the whole situation was utter bullshit and SJM using Feyres pregnancy to give Nesta a redemption arc was bullshit.

Rhys not telling Feyre about the pregnancy and trying to find a way to fix the situation wasn’t okay. Madja should’ve told her. Rhys should’ve told her. Everyone should’ve told her. I really wish we got the pregnancy from their povs just to get into their heads and thought processes.

“Bullied Feyre into being the perfect little wife” im sorry but i think you got Rhys and Tamlin mixed up on that one 😉

“locked nesta in a tower because she didn’t ‘behave properly’” right because Nesta couldn’t ever leave the HoW and no i’m not talking about the stupid steps. All she needed to do was ask one of them to fly her down and then she’d be able to leave. and yes because Nesta was totally not killing herself by drinking and starving herself for a year, no they totally locked her up bc she wouldn’t listen to Rhys. Right in the dot with that one. Really got me.

Personally Silver Flames was a mess and I hated everyone’s actions in that book and wish SJM didn’t even write it at that point because it’s so bad.

Anyways, the difference between you and I is that I can admit that I don’t agree with every action Rhysand makes. I can admit that I don’t agree with the things that he’s done, while also appreciating the food that he’s done. The good in him. The way he’s become a better version of himself over the books.

Now, I’m not really going to make this post about Tamlin because my original post wasn’t about him but I will say Tamlin was never and will ever be the better choice FOR FEYRE.

So, can y’all please stop turning every light hearted post and joke into a fucking war in the comments? Like please. It’s really stupid and you can go rant and rave on your own blogs and in your own tags but leave ours alone. I don’t really delete comments bc Express your opinions on posts that warrant it for all I care but really? Turning a joke into this is just crazy.

This fandom has gotten so crazy over the years and Im really over it like ugh.

Anyways: rant over. Sorry for the long post.

[hella1975]

my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be

me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha

#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience #basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night #where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything #it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young #and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again #but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good #and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get #it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough #and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced #i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up #and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it #and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN #TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY #and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it #im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday #what is even going on anymore #also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do #actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk #and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd #i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3 #hella goes home

[indigodawns]

.

#these are just some thoughts re: friendship as a result of tonight that i need to jot down somewhere but #realising that i really do have a strict and set idea of Good Friend(ship) and what that entails to me #and id written people off bc i wasn't yk ~receiving love or friendship the way id prefer and i was angry with them for that/hurt about it #did i communicate that to them though? nooo. was i fully right in that? also no. like just bc i felt unheard didn't fully mean #that they were doing something wrong. they were trying in their own way (and sometimes they weren't really or it just wasn't nice) #but that's about how we match and how we communicate right? this is so silly that's so basic but it never fully clicked for me like this #i was blaming them for stuff and building up resentment without ever expressing that (and i still haven't yk dhshsjd) #and i think where i went ~wrong was in thinking that bc i felt that way they weren't ~giving me what i need #when it's like... but did i pick up on the ways in which they DID appreciate me and show me love etc? did i give them ANYTHING to work with? #(ok yes occasionally but also... tangent but i was watching a variety show and they were teasing woozi about how #he gives interviewers/hosts literally nothing to work with. like no extra information for them to ask about or tease him for or anything #and i was like ohhhhhh. yeah i do do that sometimes with friends and it's genuinely smth i don't really know how to do like #giving casual information (but not too much and not too little???) so they can then ask questions etc. so then if im like ughh #they never ask (the right) questions or show interest (or let me talk but that's a different thing dhsjdjd) it's like... #well do i give them the chance to? much to think about thank you woozi) #anyways where was i dhsjsnsnsjns idk but it's soooo annoying that i haven't figured this all out yet #but im slowly letting go off a bunch of resentment that has truly no business being here and im trying to self reflect and all that #and im honestly doing so shit some days but others days it's? finding stuff that matters to me on a deeper level ig? #and all of it really does pale in the face of multiple genocides and it's. but yk. if i want to keep fighting #i need to build a strong foundation and sort my shit out as well and be present so im really really trying #and beating my stupid stupid depression and brain with a stick until i get there

[pepprs]

im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol

#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all #purrs #chicago #i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about #when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m #for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi #and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t #recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting #for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that #my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it #just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of #stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and #utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a #biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL #i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i #have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again #delete later #kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol

[youssefguedira]

the problem with me and nolan is that i ALMOST love a lot of his movies (that ive seen) except in almost every one there's 1 glaring aspect that i hate (it's usually misogyny) that makes it hard to like the rest of the movie

#i mean. oppenheimer is an outlier bc there's several aspects i dont like abt that one #interstellar? misogyny. inception? only one i don't have major issues with #misogyny still there but at least theres less than fuckin. interstellar #dont get me wrong i like interstellar otherwise but like. #both it and oppenheimer have a problem of the film TELLING us that the women in it are super smart and influential! but in the film itself #they never get to show that like. when does murphy do anything really. when does anne hathaway's character do anything except #hinder the mission because of ~emotions~ why is the main guy always right even though hes not always the most qualified person in the room #why does kitty oppenheimer say ive been upgraded to housewife! sarcastically only to be cast right back into that role by the film #no matter how good emily blunt may be she can't save that she has 1 good scene and it's not that long #dont even get me started on jean tatlock in that film ill start biting. #i KNOW that parts of oppenheimer are supposed to be subjective but do we ever see those women in the ~objective~ section? no #and if that's your only portrayal of these women with only vague indicators that there might be something else going on i'm not letting it #go. excuse for writing them badly #ANYWAY #neon has thoughts #movie tag #i think nolan and i just don't get along. i think i need to accept this and move on with my life but unfortunately it's really frustrating. #all his stuff is ALMOST good. and then

[01tsubomi]

i'm taking the jlpt this sunday and had a stress dream last night abt it bc it sort of snuck up on me and now it's kind of a question of how much my actual japanese abilities will carry me (versus if i should've been cramming on flashcards this past month) but the listening portion is far simpler conversation than my coworkers and i have so. i think that maybe instead of "damn i should've been studying japanese" my perspective should just be "i speak japanese"

#a key part of the dream though was that i failed because i went on a motorcycle joyride during the 40 minute break and didn't make it back #in time for the listening section. the prompt for the listening section btw was to write an essay in english about kirishima eijirou #so i was like damn i would've totally passed #anyway hashtag classic maya but idk #i think i have a bit of a complex abt it bc i was studying for n1 (highest level) in college #but w the switch to online learning we stopped studying the stuff i really needed to work on (vocab and kanji) #and whatever kanji i knew how to write went out the window bc i never had to turn in written homework again #so i really let myself go there for a good two years but since moving last summer i've not only been having japanese conversations every da #i've also actually been studying kanji in my downtime at work #so i have picked up most of the study guide-type information just really slowly over time #i read a ton of manga in japanese lately and most shows on netflix here don't have eng subtitles but i'm fine without them 95% of the time #with the genre of shows i watch at least #so i've been thinking a lot lately abt what my end goal is w japanese studies because 'be able to consume all the art i want' feels like #a good place to be #i do think in the end the only thing between me and n1 is a lot of genuine hard work studying vocab and kanji and reading serious articles #so i feel like all 'sekkaku da shi' i've made it this far why would i just stop working at this point #those are just my thoughts though aaaa i know reading/vocab/grammar section is way more hit or miss #personal

[dandyshucks]

okay stressful event done, hopefully i can be calm and normal again starting tomorrow 🙏

everyone put your lucky clovers and horseshoes together for me to hope that I did not get covid because I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE VICINITY WEARING A MASK. OUT OF 200 ISH PEOPLE. FUCK !

#but i wore it and i ignored all the stares and strange looks ppl gave me #i do not want to be further disabled jesus christ please i am hoping against hope I'll be okay #i did not have a choice in the matter of going or not but holy shit it was not worth going even 😭😭 it was so bad fjfkdl #I can't say much abt it bc I'll end up doxxing myself but it was so bad. and i wish i had not gone dbfkdl #also my mother was so mean and saying some random guy was disgusting and meanwhile i was like ummm awooga 👀 #she is so fucking awful and i hate it. he had a bit of a belly sticking out from his shirt bc he was stretching and he had body hair #and um. well. we all know how Normal i am about that sort of guy.... Not Normal At All LMAO #it just makes me feel more affirmed in choosing to not ever share my art w my mother lmfao #she would hate what i draw. and I'm trying not to let that get to me but .... oh well i guess ! #even though i learned at like age 11 that i shouldn't even try to share my creations w her i still yearn for approval or whatever #UMMM LOL WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT RN OOPS SORRY. I'll go skitter off into the night now DBFJDKL #HOPEFULLY I'LL BE NORMAL TOMORROW BLEASE... also i need to go see what Chase was posting earlier augh #dandy.cmd #vent //

[drewsaturday]

fun to realize the reason i get so insecure about other people doing ~my ideas~ first for fanworks is that all i am is ideas. yeah two cakes theory but point is if someone else does that particular thing first it will be better than mine, even if mine would have its own uniqueness to it, so all i can really walk away with is "i did it first" in the inevitable case of comparison. without that there's nothing jsl;dfljsdf.

and while you can't prevent that from happening in FANDOM of all places that is why i like to keep my ideas to myself when possible. if someone comes up with that same idea on their own fine, but if they get that idea from me running my mouth about my wips and they do their version first (which is like! still allowed even if there are levels of courtesy for how you go about it) i will be mad at myself for stripping myself of my own ability to then continue my own due to knowing my own issues and obstacles with it, because i still don't know how to play nice and it is on me to deal with that.

i say all this knowing fandom is supposed to be fun btw.

#txt #i think while i do worry about plagiarism accusations bc fandom is fucking crazy #i tend to also mask these concerns with that lmao #bc it feels less self centered and insecure to say 'i just dont want to be mobbed :(' than #basically sounding like a five year old whining that someone else brought the same toy to the park as them #but because i AM okay with it in the sense of people saying im where they got that idea from or connecting me to it in some way #(or obvs like... someone gifting me a work based on things ive talked about! also rad! or even just asking first etc!) #that's why talking so much about plagiarism also works lol #like just give me Something to have that ties me to it that lets me pretend i have good contributions to a particular space #ultimately it's my own bullshit to get over bc i feel like i need to justify my place in a fandom by filling a niche or contributing #Something unique if it can't be Good etc etc but that's also kind of dumb bc it's not that serious or at least it shouldnt be #i just cant rly contribute much in terms of community events or quality works etc but i do have good ideas! #and i am trying to let go of everything i just said even though i am still clinging to it by my nails #again i know fandom should be fun and i rly need to just do more with original works at this point but likeee.... #we r here . #also im not trying 2 fish for complimence just objectively #i value all the skills ive learned due to fandom inspiration #but bc i am split cross quite a few and i have certain health issues that #limit how much i can practice or learn etc #other ppl are inevitably going to be better than me in their area of focus! #and i want to be more okay with that

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

i have so much fun with ffxiv bc like. me and my friends that play have a wol team and we roleplay tons when we're able to all be on at the same time

sure it takes forever to actually progress bc we're all having hours-long scenes after story events to work out the impact on everyone and, in some cases, who was impacted more than the others (like thorgeim being the one who got framed during that one incident, whereas the dragoon wol had a lot of specific stuff during heavensward, etc)

i'm told there's some shit later on that Complicates the wol-team idea but i don't want spoilers and i'm confident we can work it out when we get there so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#we basically all rp together bc we don't want to get story spoilers from randos...can't even visit venues without that being an issue :( #but it's nice having a static party for basically every story dungeon and fight #we're at....early-mid stormblood now i think? after like...two years lol though part of that is just not having time to play #so many maxed out sidequests and lore things tho...it's great #stirring up trouble #we have another friend who doesn't roleplay but does have some fun insights from time to time and has many helpful tips #and their character is thorgeim's wifey lmfao. they're both so grossly over-the-top affectionate lolol #and then one more friend who basically never plays with us these days but when they do it's like. Top Tier Roleplay. i love... #currently trying to convert other friends to ffxiv (though realistically we're not gonna be on much for a bit but still)...join us... #become part of the wol team....lets get a whole sentai group going lmfao #that or join our all-viera side group bc that is. definitely a Thing. massive tonal shift from the wol team lol i love them sm #the bundie brigade!! their whole gimmick is doing all their fighting in their skivvies basically to show how tough and/or agile they are #they started out as just being silly side characters and became MUCH more than that...oops we gave them lore and trauma #ugh ok i need to stop yelling abt this now. it is Bed Time and i have shit to do tomorrow. #i should draw and post them at some point tho...i love them sm....