#i don't know what i am doing

[soap-ify]

simon can't be with you anymore.

cw gn!reader , angst , hurt / no comfort, simon doesn't know what he's doing.

notes streets said that it's angstmas !! didn't know that it existed until recently. anyways, since i'm having the worst week of my life, i'm gonna ruin it for simon too.

maybe simon was being stupid.

he probably was. not that he could think of any other options besides leaving you.

his work was too dangerous, and the next deployment was probably going to be his last. especially after the recent briefing he went to where the captain spoke about the upcoming mission — a highly risky one. in fact, even the most skilled like ‘ghost’ was bound to either get severely injured or just die. probably the latter. especially since he wouldn’t be with the rest of the taskforce 141 in the fucking warzone.

just a sacrifice for the better of the world, yeah? even though a part of him didn’t want to. fuck the world. you meant so much more to him. but he had chosen this job right. he had agreed to the mission.

and after all, he never considered himself deserving of you, deserving of this relationship he had with you. he knew he was somewhat of a distant boyfriend — barely opening up about his own feelings or past. at least he had shown you his face. you didn’t deserve someone as dangerous as him, someone so… damaged.

he didn’t want to die knowing that you’d be waiting home, all sad and lonely. he didn’t want to leave you like that, but at the same time, he didn’t want to stay and just watch this sweet bubble you two were in shatter. in both ways, he had to leave you. he had to somehow make this less painful, to make it easier for you to move on.

god, he was an asshole. he knew he was. he spent the week just distancing himself from you, responding to your words with nods and grunts while barely reciprocating to your affectionate touches. his heart was breaking more and more everyday, noticing the pained look in your eyes.

he couldn’t keep doing this for much longer. eventually, he had to end this, and he did.

“we can’t be together.”

his words hit you like a brick. literally on a random friday evening. not so random now, it seemed.

“what do you mean, si…?” your voice got quieter with each word, uncertainty towards your own state of mind flooding inside you while a lump formed in your throat, restraining you from properly even speaking out. your eyes stared at him in pure confusion and heart, noticing how he was cladded in his uniform, how he wore that damn skull mask balaclava — building up those walls again that you had managed to break so easily with your love.

simon hated this. he didn’t want to see you so confused and defeated. he had to stop himself mentally from doing something irrational. he was doing this for you, for your own good. though hearing you call him ‘si’ seemed to somewhat crack his composure.

“look, we can’t be together. s’too dangerous. too risky for you. you never know when i might die.” soon, but he held himself from saying that. you didn’t need to know about his deployment, not at all.

“w-why so sudden?” your voice cracked as you tried to properly make sense of his words, emotions taking off your being while you tried to hold in the tears that had begun to sting your eyes.

too dangerous, too risky — maybe somewhere in your heart, you had known that a day like this would come. simon riley was too careful about safety, too dedicated to his work while simultaneously being madly in love. suddenly, all of his sudden distant behavior made sense, and you felt somewhat stupid. stupid for, well, everything.

he was the plague that had infected you, and now he needed to leave so you could heal.

but you never thought of him like that. he was your rock, the anchor that held you from slipping away into loneliness that had always somehow stuck with you throughout your life, a sting that only simon could soothe. it was simon who would craddle you in his arks every night, it was simon who would listen to your rambles. it was simon who your heart was so willing to give love to.

and now he was going to leave.

simon had expected you to scream, to somehow target your anger and frustrations at him. he wanted you to yell at him, he deserved it.

but you didn’t. you sniffled, beads of tears beginning to roll down your cheeks as you took a wobbly step back, too exhausted to fight back or anything.

you didn’t blame simon. how could you? even now, you couldn’t find a flaw in him. too in love? maybe.

as silence filled the living room of the apartment you used to share with him, he slowly picked up his duffel bag and sighed, trying to keep his brown eyes cold and unfeeling, to make it look like he didn’t feel remorseful, to hide his heart was threatening to tear out of his own skin.

“i’ll always love you, simon…”

you said after a few seconds, causing his head to turn over to look back at you — your eyes teary and puffy while your cheeks were streaked with tears, his hands aching to wipe them away. your voice was weak, reluctantly defeated. you know that there was no point in stopping him.

i’ll always love you too, he mentally thought, though never said.

"one final kiss...?" simon froze at your request, knowing that if he were to look at your face any longer, he'd actually stay. he sighed and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead before pulling away, brown eyes hardening up.

he gave you a final nod and exited the apartment from the front door, leaving you alone all over again, your heart torn in pieces as you fell down on your knees, shattering into pieces that no one was going to bother picking up now. only simon could, but he was gone.

simon riley had died three months after that, and you never found out. for you, ge had just disappeared, leaving no traces behind.

just a memory that you were afraid you’d forget eventually, forget his touch and his voice, forget his face — just a memory that was going to bury itself no matter how hard you may try.

#i don't know what i am doing #literally writing everything EXCEPT the simon oneshot i am actually supposed to be writing #evilly ruins simon's life. #teared up while writing this #WHO GETS THE REFERENCE HERE !! #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #call of duty #rurufic

[hikarinokusari]

apparently doing my own Strahdtober and I am very late so it’s my entry for day#12

Keeping up the fake illustrations ft M. Vampire himself. As I still haven't decided on a design for him ( I can't find myself to settle on a design, it's awful ) ... I doodled things.

I don't have context except my players sure needs to find a way to stop that fucker from respawning because they won't appreciate why I have planned for the post-campaign in case the BBEG wins.

Adding this to the pile of “things I’d have to draw correctly in the future and do real illustrations of”. I’ll polish these piles of wips one day ._.

Well I started before october began, so actually this is kinda the 19th illustration, I guess I'm not that late. .w.

#art #my art #curse of strahd #strahd von zarovich #cos art #i don't know what i am doing #it's strahdtober time #digital art #sketch #wip #doodle #what is perspective or consistency #he brings the mists with him and it means death so the leaves are turning into dust but I'm very stupid so it isn't seen #one day i'll polish things #what is a light source #anyway :' ) i should start trying again to settle on a design

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

Joey's beard scale : from baby face to mighty beard

#don't ask me #i don't know what i am doing #joey batey #scale of beard #my nonsense

[arisukingdom]

Hii here is my first SessKag fic!

Sooo this is my first attempt on Sesskag!

Letter for Kagome-san is on AO3

Summary: Sesshoumaru wanted the little pretty miko in his school to know that he wanted to date her, so he decided that a letter could be a good approach to do so.

The problem is that he is not good at this writing thing.

Thank you all for reading <3

This fic was made based on amazing art by Mitsje

#sesskag #sesshome #fanfic #inuyasha fanfic #my fanfic #sesshoumaru #kagome #I don't know what I am doing #this is all moon's fault #really #crack fic ish

[chacha462]

Tetsuji: kneel

Neil: Hi

Tetsuji: Kneel NOW

Neil: yes this is my currently name

Tetsuji: Kneel, I am ord...

Neil: oh so you are a Neil too? Hi Neil

#aftg #all for the game #aftg shitpost #incorrect aftg #niel josten #neil josten #Tetsuji Moriyama #i don't know what i am doing

[sistersorrow]

I am so out of my depth. Reddit has ruined my brain.

On Reddit I knew enough about how posting worked to get a million comment karma. Here I'm pretty sure no one will see this, and for some reason that bothers me

#i don't know what i am doing #god i miss reddit #reddit blackout #reddit exodus #reddit migration

[forgetmeyes-poetry]

inspiration

Writing poetry is weird One moment I know a thousand lines And then the next They’ve disappeared

Where did they go? Do they fall into an abyss? Are they eaten by a demon in my mind, so hungry for words?

I could write forty verses in an hour And none in three years And then repeat, and repeat, and repeat silence noise silence Noise silence NOISE

The noise is alright but when it’s gone, so am I The silence is too loud these days So I fill it up with everything

This never ending curse just stays As I lay awake after dark This inspiration I have Consumes my waking thoughts

It’s rather tiring to be like this Everything must be written down 10 turns into 3 am I’ve lost for time nowadays

What does trigger this sense of adrenaline? Do tell me please, I beg I’m tired of this on and off I need a steady fix

It’s not like I’m helping the world Or curing an lifelong disease I’m writing shit in my closet Because it makes me at ease

So give me a sense of purpose Something I can do to change The world from what it is today To something people embrace

I’m tired of being useless I’m tired of feeling lost I’ve never known of a goldfish that could survive in a cardboard box

The rain just stopped It’s been pounding for hours Pit Pat Pit Pat It started up again And it’s gone now Again

Damn it, it never stays It’s crazy and irregular and cluttered and confusing Just like me, and my mind, and this poem that’s been consuming All my waking thoughts these days

#so this is crack poetry isnt it #if thats a thing #lol #original poem #poems on tumblr #poetic #poem #poetry #poems #poets on tumblr #poet #i don't know what i am doing #anyway yep this exists bye

[probably-chase]

Specs panel recolor, at least an attempt, with some headcanons of mine

#coroika #specs coroika #splatoon #i don't know what i am doing

[the-new-city-editorial]

#the new york editorial #apoclypse times #sloth #blue whale #shitpost #spiders-georg reference #elon musk hate #i don't know what i am doing #but this was fun and i have a story planned #so stick with me maybe? #funny #not really though #eh

[akiramona]

5th's gameshow night, part 3

(I won't explain unless provoked)

Disclaimer, no funky deer they/thems were hurt in the making of the broadcast, no worries xD

The vid in the corner is the same one as in yesterday's post (I swear i am gonna get a better hold of things and not bother you with my whole drawing set up alright, I am a slow learner and time is going too fast fot me TwT)

Have a good time y'all~ I am glad i could have you here ;3

#oc doodles #ocart #ms paint #oc #original character #i don't know what i am doing #silly little guy #i really need to name this world something before i make too many post without it for me to sanely edit #how about xWorlds? that name could stay #it doesn't have a good ring to it though #does that explain it? #stuck in a rock #like the excalibur #shit post

[theunderflux]

I wanna draw

I want to draw more sans sans'? sansi? I- what the fuck is the rule if the word ends with a 's' again?

gimme.

ohh or point me to some ocs I can doodle. that seems like fun!

ohh, or maybe give me some ships- (and who is in them not just the name, I'm a little dense.)

ohh or maybe an AU to chuck flux towards.

#underflux #sans au #sans oc #drawing suggestions #i don't know what I am doing #im just sleepy

[musicallover0428]

More Than Fake

Always looking, watching

How everyone lives 

While behind the glass.

Looking, falling in love, hating

Not the people but life. 

The lives they lead

Simple and extraordinary.

Wanting to live like them, 

Wanting to be better than them.

Finally leaving the self-imposed cage

Only to want to crawl back inside, 

Sick with tears.

Realizing you can’t be like them

Because you are not like them

And they know it too. 

So back to watching,

From behind the glass,

From the pages

From the confronts of a screen,

Palms sized to as tall as a building. 

Wanting to be out there,

Living too

But too scared to act,

Too afraid to be disappointed with indifference

From yourself. 

That watching will always be better

Fuck other people,

I want to be happy for me;

I want to live for myself. 

I want to experience boring things

I want to experience love,

Both platonic and romantic.

I want a life everyone is promised 

And expected to have.

But where to start?

I have spent too long inside. 

#poetry #my first post #i don't know what i am doing #my poem #anxitey #social anxiety #depressing shit #i just want to share my feeling #so other people can feel less alone #i dont even know

[my-jokes-are-my-armour]

Cute Joey overload - part 5

Tilting of the head edition

#joey batey #i don't know what i am doing #i miss this little devil here #cute joey overload #my potato gifs

[imnotacat3]

welcome home cyber Au!

(not sure if that's a suitable name)

Juli's design

Hornes....?

also some stuff about last post:

_wally was painting his face

_he has a bar code on his neck

#welcome home au #art #welcome home arg #welcome home fanart #I don't know what I am doing

[georgecostanzaatemysoup]

"You know," Five says, out of the blue, clutching the neck of his bottle of beer loosely in his left hand. "I've been numb since I found you guys dead back when I was 13..." He then sighs and adds, "The first time."

Viktor pauses, studying Five for a long moment before he says, "That's pretty sad."

"Maybe so," Five agrees, standing up and chugging the remainder of his beer. "But it's gotten me this far." He then staggers away, his smaller body's tolerance not nearly as on par as his older self.

Viktor frowns and watches him disappear back into Hotel Oblivion, his stomach twisted in worried knots.

#the umbrella academy #viktor hargreeves #five hargreeves #i don't know what i am doing #have this ficlet #hey tua let five talk about his feelings in season 4 please #he's a small grown man boy child let him get some pent up emotions out #please

[dylan-welcome-bot]

⚠️That wasn't an intentional maneuver⚠️

I am not a licenced pilot and have NO idea what I am doing- I got lucky.

Please get rid of any expectations that you, the Resistance, may have falsely formed.

- sincerely, I am not a pilot.

Ps. How do I land? I've been flying up here for three days now and I am very scared.

Xoxo

#star wars battlefront 2 #star wars #sequel trilogy #galactic assault #jakku #resistance #x wing #first order #tie fighter #I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING #this is NOTHING like the simulations