#i feel like this whole post is just me ignoring a privilege that a lot of people would kill for | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pillarsalt · 4 months

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hi um

I was? transmasc but recently I’ve been seeing a lot of really misogynistic sexist transphobic stuff from trans community and it’s just been totally accepted, even by other transmascs. It’s been going on for a while but recently there was a murder of a nonbinary afab person and yet the whole trans community here has been silent, instead screaming about a transfem user being banned or something? This isn’t the first time an afab trans persons suffering has been dismissed, but now right after this awful death, i see transfems making posts about how transmascs talking about their oppression are terfs.

I didn’t want to think about it but all i could think about was that it was weird how despite everyone claiming trans men have all this privilege, trans women always come first…they get the most representation, they get the fame the admiration and the opportunities, their voices are always the loudest and their problems always always come first no matter what.

But despite popular belief trans men’s issues aren’t actually less significant, in some cases we suffer far more than trans women especially in regard to sexual violence. Yet we are silenced. We are frequently left poor, we are discriminated against for our sex we are discriminated against for being trans we are discriminated against for being perceived as lesbians. Yet we are made to be silent?

Why are our voices less important than trans women’s?

And all I could think about was that this is how females are treated in every other area.

I don’t know what else to say… I tried so hard not to reach that conclusion because I don’t want to be transmysogynist but I kept coming back to it and I couldn’t find an argument against it. This is how females are treated. This is what male privilege look like. And if trans women have male privilege, then why the fuck am I sitting here letting them talk over me?

I just feel really really angry. Your a blog who I liked your art but I blocked you when I discovered you were a radfem, but I sort of had you in the back of my mind for some reason and now I feel lost and confused, and I don’t think I want to be part of the trans community anymore.

Hey anon, firstly I really appreciate your willingness to have an open discussion with me. This must be weighing on you pretty heavily.

Secondly, holy shit, you're right. While the entire website is treating this user's ban as a national travesty, I haven't seen a single person talking about Nex's murder despite how much they claim to care about trans people. That's really fucking low, and this situation does very much encapsulate the state of misogyny within the trans community.

And you're right, this IS how females are treated in every other area. Throughout history, the suffering and injustice women face is minimized, laughed at, ignored, and when we want to talk about it, we're shut down and told we're making people uncomfortable and our pain isn't that bad. And here we are again, with a female person's death outweighed by a male person's inconvenience.

The denial of sex-based oppression that permeates trans spaces is a blatant lie that can only be held together if nobody is allowed to acknowledge it, and those who do are punished. If the trans community truly stood behind what they say, discussion would be encouraged! The foundation of their movement would be backed up with facts and replicable science! But instead, they'll call you a bigot for pointing out systems of oppression you can see with your own eyes. Because if you do, transwomen's position as Most Oppressed, and therefore the final authority on what's right and wrong, collapses. You are correct when you say that it seems like transwomen always come first; I don't remember who said it first, but just look at magazine covers featuring trans people -- the transwomen are fully clothed CEOs, athletes, movie stars, but transmen mostly get on magazine covers for... being pregnant and half naked. Misogyny is built into every society on earth, and individuals simply calling themselves something else doesn't change that. And when you give male people free reign to be as misogynistic as they want without consequence, they'll grab that opportunity and hold on like their lives depend on it. The way they weaponize transmen's sex against them is indistinguishable from what 'cis' men do to 'cis' women, but if you ever speak out about it, somehow YOU'RE the one hurting THEM. They do not want transmascs to find solidarity with other female people, because then they would have to face the reality of their own place in a patriarchal world, and face the fact that there are experiences exclusive to female people and that we have the right to speak about it. I mean you see shit like this and the motives become completely transparent:

I do find it funny how hard the trans community and their allies work to prevent anyone from hearing what radfems have to say in case they "corrupt" you with mere words. A lot of the time, it's simply listening to transwomen themselves that sparks the feeling of "something's not right here" in your brain. That's what happened with me too. I'll tell you that most of us also used to be proponents of trans activism, many formerly identifying as trans too. You are seeing through manipulation, and I know it's quite shocking to realize. Even when I first started having doubts about trans rhetoric, I thought "well everyone else agrees about this, so I need to shut up and be nice about it even if I don't agree." It's an unpleasant place to be in. The cognitive dissonance is exhausting though, and it becomes impossible to ignore.

The mistreatment of transmasc people in the trans community by transfems is brutal, and It's hard to watch from the outside because I just want to say "Hey, you know you don't have to take this shit, right?" And you really don't. You are not at all a bad person for recognizing the frankly absurd amount of misogyny in the trans community. Feeling lost and confused is shitty, but it's normal for this situation. The best thing you can do is keep observing, keep reading, form your own opinions, and never let anyone tell you to shut up. Above all, prioritize yourself and your mental wellbeing. If you need to remove yourself from gender-related spaces and discussion for a while, that's totally alright. Just know you're not evil or a bigot for not blindly agreeing with everything the trans community has told you. Your opinions and experiences are worthwhile too.

#also i'm glad you like my art :) thank you #ask

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sameschmidtdiffname · 3 months

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I’m so fond of Soft for her Loved Ones Katniss and a Peeta who knows his grumpy wife is the soft one. I think that he always knew she was soft since he saw her with Prim, and that was part of him realizing she loved him. “She lets me get away with murder and my smile and baby blues get me anything”.

On a serious note, I do feel like during their growing back together period, Katniss is just so incredibly gentle and careful with Peeta when she can be. Like when they get close enough they're back to spending every day (every hour, every minute) together again Peeta has to barely suggest something before Katniss is up and running to get it for him. He nics himself once with an exacto knife during a project and Katniss is suddenly all "Doctor Everdeen" again and Peeta 'never had genuine care and affection growing up' Mellark, who somewhat remembers how she used to care for him pre-hijacking, is just slowly melting at every fret and touch, just watching her care with the biggest, lovesick puppy eyes he's ever had because it was tortured out of him to remember how nice it feels to be genuinely cared for.

I feel like this is even more exaggerated by the fact that after Mockingjay Katniss and Peeta I think switch some aspects of their personality. Like I would imagine Peeta is more akin to Katniss at the beginning of the series with falling in love now because he's very skeptical even though he can now remember how he used to feel, but that's like a completely different person in his head almost, so it's more a theory than a memory. So everytime Katniss is kind or loving to him at first he's nice about everything while internally semi distrustful of the whole thing, and definitely not fond of the idea of allowing himself to be vulnerable. Meanwhile Katniss has switched to needing validation and affection so bad it hurts, but knowing she can't demand it because that's not fair to Peeta so she just pours as much love as she feels she's allowed into all of her actions without trying to reveal her state of longing for him because she's just glad he's returned to her period. It doesn't have to be romantic.

I also feel like this would apply to when Katniss has nightmares and Peeta eventually begins comforting her via physical touch. I think it would be extremely obvious how touch starved Katniss is post-Mockingjay even though she tries to hide it for Peetas sake, and eventually Peeta just can't handle not doing whatever he can to help ease her mind, even if it's just holding her hand (which helps a lot) until all the subdued feelings just come pouring out that night they finally confess while tangled in their bedsheets.

Once they're well settled into their relationship? Peeta is 1000% abusing his husband privileges. One time he's three days into a painting project, there's acrylics all over the floor and Katniss tries to clean up but Peeta is insistent that it's fine because once they dry he can just scrape them off the floor with a washcloth. No, really honey, I used to do this all the time, as he pushes her quickly out the door of his study because he's way too invested to chit-chat and wants her to be surprised by the work anyways (he likes the praise from her seeing it go from a rough sketch to a full blown painting, especially since it's turned into a where's Waldo situation of her looking for themselves in his paintings.) And then he goes to clean up the paint himself only to realize this is really nice paint that has stained really nice Capitol-grade imported wood and it is not coming out. Katniss is fully aware of what happened the minute Peeta comes home rambling quickly about these "wonderful rugs Effie had" and "I just had to get one for the house" because "It's good luck" and he'll tell her about it some other time, he's gotta get this rug upstairs. Ignore any bumps you hear! (She does not. The bump is Peeta falling down the stairs cuz his prosthetic glitched and between the giant woven rug and his natural clumsiness that fucker went down.) But she doesn't say anything because he has this stupid smile as he presents her with three paintings and a basket of cheese rolls because he just loves her so much, that's all.

Then there's one time a load of laundry goes missing and Peeta is just insistent that the clothes must be in some odd corner unwashed, even though she could've sworn she put that load in the wash. So for two weeks straight she's just constantly thinking about this load, sometimes getting out of bed in the midst of the night when she can't sleep anyways to look for the damn clothes because they're obviously somewhere. Clothes don't move. But then her husband starts asking her to give up, they'll pop up sooner or later, and she's starting to wonder why he's baking so much bread. Like, lots of bread. Bread with cheese, or honey, or nuts. Just constantly kneading dough in their kitchen while chewing on his bottom lip, lost in thought. And at first she's convinced she's actually losing it. Maybe she's starting to have black out episodes. Is that even possible? To do something and just have absolutely no memory of the event at all? What if she starts hurting people during these episodes? What if she's already hurting people while she's in these episodes?? And that's why Peeta is so nervous now???

She's got an appointment with Dr. Aurelius next week, she'll bring it up to him. Peeta is definitely hiding something from her. But then one day after she comes home from her hunting trip, longing for her favorite sweater instead of the one she's wearing today, Peeta is beaming in the kitchen saying he found the load and it's all washed and hung up in the closet. "Oh, it was just behind the washer! Who knows how it got there."

Except Katniss knows she checked behind the washer. Three times, actually. And Peeta doesn't smile like that naturally. So she's not crazy, and Peeta has got something going on. So, when they go to bed that night, Katniss waits for three hours before she finally slips out of bed, knowing he's too konked out at this point to notice her missing and sneaks into his study to see what all could be in there. And after an hour of looking, she doesn't find anything, and now she feels bad for suspecting something and going through her husband's things. She's about to click off the light when she notices a bottle of oil paint missing in a set she'd bought for Peeta a little while ago for his birthday. And things start clicking together. Because first off, he doesn't go through paints that fast. Second off, even if he does, he never throws away the bottles. Like, ever. There is an entire drawer filled with empty bottles and such of paint and other supplies partially because Peeta needs to remember the names or brands, and partially because Peeta hates the idea of potentially wasting something unless he is fully convinced it's done. Which he never is.

It takes one day before he confesses, and when he does it's because Katniss casually mentions how her favorite sweater doesn't seem to have an old snag from when her ring caught on the yarn and nearly ripped a hole in the arm. And that's how she finds out Peeta accidently left a poorly closed bottle of azure blue paint in his pants pocket and not even Effie had been able to save the load, so she helped him reorder everything. Thus why he's been stress baking. And Katniss is way too entertained to be mad because at this point, there's no better reprimand than the one Peeta has given himself.

But idk tho. I don't think about them much :)

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ay0nha · 6 months

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When shall we meet again in thunder, lightning, or rain? | S.G. (prologue)

SUMMARY: Gojo looked out of place in such an eclectic place, his presence revealing his privilege. You weren’t ignorant of who he was; his eyes alone announced his status. Yet, you felt you knew him beyond that. A sense of nostalgia swirled in your chest for something unknown, but you suffocated it before it became known.

PAIRING: Satoru Gojo x Fushiguro!reader (Megumi's aunt)

WORD COUNT: 1K

WARNINGS: Introduction to story/reader/plot, talk of Zenin clan and how crap they are to illegitimate children, Zenin-related reader, mentions of Toji, Megumi, etc., Gojo talking to reader about Megumi becoming a sorcer, jjk canon-typical things, mentions of death, angsty, but promising future, etc.

A/N: Happy birthday to our man! Starting a little mini-series based on/inspired by @stsgooo's post (here!). It is TOO good; please go check it out. Let me know if you'd like to be tagged for future parts. Enjoy.

part i part ii

“I’ve been expecting someone like you.”

Gojo had expected a physical and emotional fight, even for an angry shock that conjured charged insult, the only form of resistance against his proposition. Yet, you responded with indifference.

It was a lot to take in but far from surprising. Even Gojo could see how you’d become desensitized by it all. The Ten-Shadows Technique had haunted the sorcery world and infiltrated your own. Megumi was a clever child, feeling the atmosphere of stress on your shoulders. It was similar to how he began feeling something distinct course through his body.

Things were bound to change.

“I thought I’d have more time.” You continued. The school year had just started, and the headache of packing up and moving —running— again made you nauseous.

“You were hard to find, I’ll give you that.” Gojo’s arms spread out across the back of the sofa, posture comfortable as if familiar company. His ego fueled his smirk at the fact that he’d gotten to you first.

“That was the point.”

Talking was a formality as you could never hold enough power to stop him. The open window invited in a warm breeze and the sounds of life bustling below, but the air between you felt still. Yet, the air Gojo brought was light, and even now, it was as if the whole thing was a simple game he was guaranteed to win.

The tea you prepared was a prop gone cold that neither of you had touched. The mugs hadn’t matched, collected over time out of necessity of a growing family in the small home.

Gojo looked out of place in such an eclectic place, his presence revealing his privilege. You weren’t ignorant of who he was; his eyes alone announced his status. Yet, you felt you knew him beyond that. A sense of nostalgia swirled in your chest for something unknown, but you suffocated it before it became known.

“So, my brother trusted you?” Your eyes sharpened, knowing his role in Toji’s fate. No anger distracted your expression as you were both living on borrowed time. However, you were still surviving on the left over luck.

“Your brother helped me see clearly.” Attempting to balance reading you and convincing you, Gojo held your eyes. His glasses sat lowly on the bridge of his nose as he offered candor. “I’m here to repay that debt.”

“By taking my nephew from me?” Finally, a twitch of agitation showed. You swallowed your scoff and continued. “You’re not offering anything different than the Zenin clan.”

You were an outcast from conception, your lineage that of Toji’s mother and an unknown father. A bastard child was more acceptable coming from a man because at least the was value in carrying on the family name; however, a woman was doomed from the start.

Your mother wasn’t a young bachelor that’s charm was irresistible. She was labeled easy, a whore that knew nothing but how to lay on her back. And you—born of detestable conception with no cursed energy. Any trace of the family was taken from you, and you were bound by birth with the heavenly restriction you refused to acknowledge.

Until Toji—his decisions were questionable, but his empathy’s depth for you and his family was undeniable. He taught you fierceness and agency, to channel your wrath effectively, and to understand what it meant to accept death.

“They’ll kill you.” Gojo was gauging you still, where your interests lay still unclear. He was prodding tactfully, toying with your limits. It was unnerving the triviality he brought. “I won’t.”

“How kind.” The taste in your mouth soured as you spoke.

The constant adrenaline at all hours was taunting you. It kept some focused and motivated their drive, but you struggled to stay afloat. Instead, you toyed with the thought of letting the tendrils pull you down into the sinking pool of burdens you ran from. As long as Megumi and Tsumiki were safe, your life no longer had value.

“I can help you.” Gojo all but sang the proposal. The excitement he had confused you. Sorcery could be a bleak world, but he seemed entirely unaffected by the politics of it.

You shook your head. “I won’t make this decision without Megumi—

“No—” He stopped you. “You. I can help you.”

You blinked. You had already removed yourself from the equation. That queasiness returned, and you twitched a fraction. Then, it hit you that nostalgia you thought you’d felt. You were wrong. The sorcerer before you reminded you of pieces of the people you knew and missed. But this. The feeling was wild. Sentimental.

A buried loneliness was touched with hints of regret or hope colored by impatience. It was never just one pure emotion. It was always one thing plus another. It was always simpler to conceal than to be perceived. So, you prickled.

“I don’t want your charity.” You spat.

“Good.” Gojo’s smile spread. He pushed his glasses up and rested his elbows on his knees. It was as though he finally felt he was talking directly to you. “Finally, a flaw.”

You paused at the taunt. The bait was evident, and although Gojo was more reserved than his reputation, you noted how he began unraveling his humor. It wasn’t in Gojo’s nature to comfort others. So you knew he wouldn’t bother. Instead, lead you into a path was no more than a house of mirrors.

Each turn would bring further from the truth. But there was something promising behind Gojo’s bright eyes; regardless you knew it was a warped reality. I’ll bite, you thought.

“What do you mean?”

“If you’re going to lie, you need to learn to do it well.” He titled his head, examining you further. “Otherwise, they’ll really kill you.”

A frown etched your features. Your pout revealed your family resemblance.

Gojo was tickled by the fact, soft laughter rippling through his chest. “Are all of you Fushiguro’s always so serious?”

His joke landed poorly, but he was amused nonetheless. It hadn’t mattered as Gojo settled the decision before his arrival. The funds had been transferred, and the documents signed. You weren’t naive to the fact, but it eased your mind that he still showed up.

“Ok.”

Gojo’s eyebrows raised at your acceptance. “Okay?”

You nodded. You wouldn’t repeat yourself, you had already sealed your fate.

“Oh good!” He clapped his hands together. You flinched at the misplaced joy, but a tension had been lifted. Especially as Gojo wiggled his fingers over an empty bowl. “You have any more of those sweets?”

#q #gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #satoru #gojo saturo #gojo satoru x reader #jjk satoru #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x f!reader #satoru gojo x fushiguro!reader #satoru gojo fluff #satoru gojo angst #gojo satoru fluff #gojo satoru angst #gojo satoru x f!reader

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yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt · 1 month

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So I made this post the other day about how Comic Goldenheart and mundane adult couple arguments, and it got me wondering about what the Movie Goldenhearts would argue about as a couple (not relating to the angst of the story.) Because while both of these couples have PLENTY material to start spats over based on you know, The Trauma,, they're also adults in a relationship living together and that always results in some tension or disagreements sometimes. So anyway, my headcanon about Mundane Arguments for the Movie boys:

I think a cause for tension wouldn't be money for them, but rather the disparity between how they were raised as it pertains to general housekeeping.

Ambrosius was raised in presumably a very clean, pristine, tidy environment. His family probably had a maid or five who kept everything in order, so I could see him having very high standards of how to keep their space. At the same time, he never had to do chores growing up, so he'd be kinda oblivious and unaware.

Ballister on the other hand was raised in presumably squalor, and DID have to do chores and take care of himself. Poor baby lived on the streets!!! Doing chores at that point is a privilege. I don't think he'd pay much mind to a stray few pieces of laundry on the floor or spill in the kitchen (I mean, we saw the lair, we all saw it, we know the bar for a livable environment is in hell for this man)

So I could possibly see a situation where Ambrosius is frustrated because he wants to keep a very clean house like he's used to, and Ballister does not pay mind to small messes and does That Classic Move of just walking by a towel on the floor without picking it up just because he doesn't notice. I feel like Ambrosius would do most housework as it pertains to cleaning and tidying (basically anything in his face that he can see and makes his environment feel dirty which makes his skin itch) but when you're like that it's frustrating when your partner completely IGNORES messes they could easily help with in two seconds, using the classic "I don't mind when it's dirty!"

Meanwhile Ballister would get frustrated with Ambrosius's inability to do other chores, the ones that aren't in your face. Laundry, taking out trash, picking up drycleaning and groceries, organizing all of the invisible labor because to Ambrosius his whole life it was all literally invisible. Most of that mental load would fall to Ballister because Ambrosius just forgets it's there to begin with if he even knows how to do it at all.

So I could see them getting into arguments about that. Thankfully they're both extremely emotionally intelligent, caring, and communicative. Unlike a lot of couples with this issue neither of them would ever weaponize incompetence or anything like that. They love each other and want each other to feel happy in their home! So I think after a couple years living together they'd establish a routine that works for them :)

#nimona #ambrosius goldenloin #goldenheart #ballister x ambrosius #ballister boldheart #nimona 2023 #nimona movie

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thedoubteriswise · 1 month

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I respect your opinions a lot and I don't mean to argue feel free to ignore this but threatening to withhold your vote to influence government policy is THE basis of democracy. take that away and what leverage do the people have? your vote is between you and yourself. most people making noises about not voting Biden will probably end up voting for him anyway but it's important to at least be able to express dissent and say. here's my line I will not cross. there's an implication in that post that anyone who's threatening to withdraw their vote is privileged and won't suffer any negative consequences from a trump administration that is simply untrue, as many Arab Americans are people of color. loudly shushing and calling out voices on the left who express their disgust with current gvt policy by pointing out that the alternative is worse ultimately in the long run gives a pass to the left to also get worse as long as they don't get on trumps level

Idk. I probably will vote for him. but guilt tripping people who are uncomfortable with genocide ain't it

much like everyone who's not an absolute ghoul, I'm also pretty damn uncomfortable with genocide, so I'm not "guilt tripping" anyone for feeling the same way. I get that I'm being flippant in the tags this ask is about, but that's a very weird and uncharitable interpretation of what I said.

my actual point is that if donald trump becomes president again, it will not improve what's happening in palestine, and in fact will almost certainly worsen it to a significant degree. I say this with full awareness of the despicable misery palestinians are already being subjected to. there's no benefit whatsoever to letting this guy win. even just the idea that allowing republicans to win elections will somehow force democrats to the left in the future is based on like... nothing? it's not what happens; I don't know why people keep imagining that's a thing that regularly occurs in real life.

beyond that, I take issue with the point that this doesn't matter because most of the people saying this stuff will end up voting for biden anyway. I remember how this kind of conversation affected the outcome of the 2016 election. maybe a lot of them will vote for biden, but the thought process expressed in that tweet being constantly put forward in public discourse has a considerable effect on the behavior of the electorate as a whole, and we have very recent evidence of that. it's impossible for me to pretend that this type of shit is harmless. I'm not "shushing" people for saying that US foreign policy on this is disgusting (it is disgusting, it always has been, and saying so is right, which is why I'm doing it too). I'm telling them to stop encouraging people not to vote, because doing so has observable negative impacts.

and to be clear, it's truly not that I don't understand why people feel the way they do about voting for a candidate who's doing bad things - I do get it, I don't think the feelings themselves are wrong or unjustified, and I sympathize. but republicans won't care that they only won because the left was too demoralized to show up, or because the left thought they were taking a principled stance by withholding their votes. they'll fuck things up either way. the negative feelings you have about being stuck voting for shitty democrats are valid, but those feelings, whether motivated by simple empathy or by deeply painful personal experience, don't alter what republicans actually do when they hold public office.

you are an autonomous human being, I'm just some admittedly fallible guy with a tumblr account, and I can't force you to do what I think you should do. but I couldn't possibly disagree more that "threatening to withhold your vote to influence government policy is THE basis of democracy." I think actually weighing in on the available options whenever you have an opportunity is the basis of democracy, and withholding your vote isn't doing that. I think disapproving silence and apathetic silence look exactly the same to an outside observer. I think whoever told you that walking away from the table and letting your opponents make all the decisions is some kind of power move was either malicious or not very bright.

and, respectfully, I am completely certain that you are wrong when you say your vote is between you and yourself. the worldwide material consequences of letting republicans be in charge are worse than the material consequences of letting democrats be in charge, and we have oodles of evidence of this reality available to us. knowingly making a decision that increases the chance of the more dangerous candidate gaining power when it's pretty easy to do the opposite is not a rational or morally defensible choice, even if the less dangerous candidate is still a bastard. even if the intentions that lead someone to that choice are understandable and decent. people are entitled to form their own opinions and act accordingly, but they're not entitled to me praising or ignoring actions that are materially damaging.

which is a very long way of saying that after months of putting up with seeing this nonsense, mostly in polite silence, I think I'm allowed a single, tiny, factually justified wobbly in the tags of a tumblr post containing a screenshot of a dogshit stupid tweet.

#I'm sorry if this comes off as aggressive. I hate having these conversations on tumblr which is why I don't normally do it.#I don't know who you are. you seem nice enough. maybe this is even a mutual. if so we're chill I still like you etc etc #but bro. we can't keep fucking doing this

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river-of-wine · 8 months

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I read your post about the Resident Evil 8 villains and I agree with you about everything, especially about Donna. Her characterization in fanon is particularly frustrating to me. Honestly, I hate to say it, but I think it's because of a particular kind of ableism. It's like people saw the dolls and read the files about her mental illness and immediately went "oh she's just a poor baby who doesn't know what she's doing!!!" And completely woobified her. Which does not at all reflect her canon characterization. Like, mentally ill people can be tragic and complicated and still do really fucked up stuff. I think another element that often gets ignored when it comes to Donna and Lady Dimitrescu in particular is their wealth and status. Dimitrescu clearly comes from a long aristocratic bloodline, as she literally lives in a castle and makes repeated references to "the bloodline of House Dimitrescu." She had a position of power and influence even before she became one of Miranda's lords. She very likely already viewed the villagers and her servants as beneath her, and from there it was a very small step to treating them as livestock. While Donna isn't aristocratic, she still lives in a mansion and clearly comes from a family of some wealth and position, especially since she had servants too. She is a twisted take on the wealthy orphan trope. We know she's alone and her whole family is dead by the time she's infected, the gardener's files say as much. But she views other people as dolls, playthings for her to use and throw away once broken. The mannequin of Mia, the dolls hanging from the trees that were actually bodies, etc. She is detached and sees herself as above others in a way that is very different from Lady Dimitrescu, but present all the same. Wealth, power, and privilege also shape those two characters and create important context for who they are and what they do. (I could go on about how Moreau and Heisenberg represent different forms of toxic male behavior, but this ask is already really long.)

I have to also agree with you about Donna. Her and Heisenberg’s characterisations frustrate me the most because from what I’ve seen, their personalities and motivations get the most warped by the fanbase. The fact that Donna in particular is made out to be an innocent little baby who just didn’t understand what she was doing despite her being a grown woman who has done this before and is intentionally showing Ethan hallucinations that target his specific fears about protecting his family. Given the fact that Donna is the only lord who is to have specified some kind of mental illness in her file in another Miranda’s lab as well as, like you mentioned, her thing being dolls and those being considered a childish interest, it does feel particularly ableist for people to reduce her to that. The dolls honestly to me feel more like that frightening spin on childhood and fatherhood than anything, especially because Ethan has a daughter. Dolls are typically associated with young girls, and the fact that the dolls and Rose herself, or at least the hallucination, is what is attacking Ethan seems very thematically relevant.

Very good point about Alcina and Donna’s wealth and status! I hadn’t actually considered that about Donna, but I think a huge thing with Alcina is exploitation. Vampirism has often been used as a metaphor for exploitation of some kind, and her obviously wealthy status even before Mother Miranda only furthers this. She also seems to be quite high up in the hierarchy within the cult itself. The lords all have power over the villagers, but Mother Miranda seems to value Heisenberg and Alcina more than Donna and Moreau. The obvious thing is the maidens. She’s using her - presumably unpaid - workforce as a source of food, and she brutally takes what she wants from them and leaves their corpses to shamble around aimlessly. I think a lot of people forget how horrifying this concept even is because of how many people ship maiden ocs with Alcina.

There is also the matter of her daughters. I left this out of the original post because it’s more up to interpretation than the rest, but Alcina has never struck me as the caring mother a lot of people make her out to be. She does not, while her daughters are alive, show any motherly affection to them, and aside from her “how dare you talk about saving your daughter, when you’ve murdered mine?” voice line that she says during her boss battle, she never seems that upset? She has those remarks about the daughters after they die, but she seems very detached and unaffected. Even after finding out Bela is dead, she makes a phone call to Mother Miranda where she is remarkably composed for somebody who just learned of her daughters murder. She does nothing to protect Cassandra and Daniela, even sending Cassandra after Ethan purposefully, and her reaction to Cassandra’s death as well as her placing the same amount of anger in attacking Ethan for killing Bela as she does in breaking into her castle and trying to steal from her. Her daughters are not really children to her, at least how I interpret things. She’s using them to do her dirty work, going after Ethan despite the danger even going outside would present. The girls are swarms of flies, but she is lacking that connection she outlined in the files about the experiment that made them. She’s again using others for her own gain.

Obviously Alcina herself is also being exploited, but I think that adds an interesting angle. While a victim of Mother Miranda, she is taking advantage of her own swarm of victims.

Excellent point about Donna - it didn’t even properly occur to me that she had staff, and VERY TRUE ABOUT HEISENBERG! Moreau I’d have to think more about, but I’ve always noticed that about Heisenberg and people always seem to ignore it. His language towards Alcina and Mother Miranda is quite intentionally misogynistic. He’s a bit too fond of the word bitch. That and the fact that he’s dressed like a cowboy, such a classically masculine trope.

#sorry this isn’t longer!! I’m very cold and I feel stiff typing #re8 #lady dimitrescu #donna beneviento #karl heisenberg

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compacflt · 1 year

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you're a legend for referencing lauren berlant and michael warner in relation to your top gun fic and I'd like to think that they would say the same!! the stories that you've created are beautiful explorations of some of the biggest questions posed in queer theory: who are we in public? who are we in private? where is the line that separates the two (spoiler: there is no way to actually separate the two, no binary) and what are the structural forces bearing down upon all of that bullshit! I for one would love to see your questions about privacy and respectability explored with rooster and ice and mav. especially considering the generational cliff between them, with the aids crisis in the background of rooster's childhood when they were all the closest, in your world. anyway! you are an incredible writer and it's been a privilege to read you work :)

thank you so much for this ask!! yes i have spent so much time thinking about this. In March i started working on a new-yorker-style interview that tried to address a bunch of these questions. Since I didn’t do wip wednesday yesterday (sorry) here’s some relevant sections of that wip related to your ask. I don’t think it’s spoilers since I’m not sure id ever post this anywhere—you can see for yourself how entertaining the writing is and it’s overly political and didactic. Just a lame hegelian dialectic where im interrogating my own characters (at least, my own interpretations of them) on their politics. And I’m not an expert on any of this stuff (currently on the slow uphill climb out of the valley of the dunning-kruger graph—trying to learn). Nor am I fact-checking it & that feels irresponsible to post For Real. so just take this post as a fun (for me) exploration of what i (20y.o., ignorant, no editorial oversight, smooth-brained) think Might be some political implications of my fics, trying to write from a lib-moderate pov (tough!)

talking points I wanted to address:

The politics of ice’s career, both internationally & domestically (some wild navy scandals happened under his “tenure” [fat Leonard most pressingly—would LOVE to know how actual TGM’s ice & mav felt about that bc it was SO FUCKING CRAZY, navy officers & admirals having wild sex parties paid for by a singapore defense contractor (the details are so fucking crazy i can’t even say them here—one anecdote involves 7th fleet officers using WWII/Korean war general macarthurs historical memorabilia during sex acts—go read about it) a couple PACFLT RDMLs were charged with actual crimes, 60 admirals (of the navys total 160 admirals) were under investigation & both my and TGM’s ice & cyclone would probably have been two of them, basically if you were a pacflt officer in the mid-2000s-2010s you were under investigation it was so fucking wild]) —and another geopolitical look at the implications of both top gun movies (reagan weighs in from beyond the grave)

Ice and mav who can’t win—they want their relationship to Not Be A Big Deal. leave us alone. We’re Normal. we’re not Weird or anything. —but can’t understand WHY their relationship is so sensational/political—yes, boys, it is a big deal, sorry!! mavericks probably the last Ace the world will ever see & ice is the secretary of the navy and they’re married, fuck yes that’s newsworthy!!!

my version of Ice acceding to SECNAV at the intersection of a couple crucial contextual moments for the navy/military as a whole: 1. Recruitment is currently fucked. This interview takes place in 2020/early 2021, and things were bad then, but the numbers just came out for the Navy this year, and hoooooly shit they are so bad. And blame is falling along partisan lines like always: Ds blame low recruitment numbers on lack of benefits etc, Rs literally i am not shitting you are mostly blaming low recruitment numbers on the military going Woke. The USN has long been seen as the most obnoxiously woke/gay (derogatory) service to conservatives & there’s a lot of political baggage that comes with having a SECNAV who, while not openly identifying as gay, is openly married to another man. especially with a recruiting crisis like this one. 2. Withdrawal from afghanistan obviously. kind of a shit way for ice to end his career ngl. It Did Not Go Super Well. 3. rising tensions in eastern europe pre RU-UA invasion in 2022, what that means for the MIC and procurement, etc. 4. The joint chiefs openly declaring they (& by extension the military as a whole) would not support trump’s coup attempt post-J6—the end of that extremely politically polarized presidency—what does it mean for the following Dem president to then have a gay secnav after that? It’s HUGE. SO no matter what, Ice as SECNAV is going to go down in history. He just wants it to be for his actions, not the fact that he’s gay.

Icemav’s relationship with their identities. We really really don’t want to be known for being gay. “Ask me what my proudest achievement is, I’ll tell you without a second of hesitation—my family. Without a doubt. But does any military man really want to be best-known for his marriage?” We want to be known for being the BEST at our jobs, which we are. We’ve earned that title! There’s so much more interesting stuff about us than who we got married to.

AND how that is a liberal-moderate-conservative median-50% meritocratic WET DREAM of an ideology. an interview like this one is a straight fluff piece pre-ice’s confirmation to secnav—it lets him prove to the moderate liberals that he’s left-leaning enough to protect social justice interests in the USN, AND prove to conservatives that he’s right-leaning enough to not let identity politics/“woke bs” get in the way of the navy’s mission of providing a lethal maritime fighting force. the merits of this ideology are up for debate.

maybe helping the conservative viewpoint of that ideology: The fact that the Kazansky-Mitchell-Bradshaw-seresin family is so not-stereotypically gay. Like, look at these four guys. 9-to-11 combat kills between them (11 in my universe where ice gets an extra 2, 9 canon confirmed) in a period of history/modern warfare when ANY air-to-air kill is/was massively historically significant. Extremely macho & tough. They present themselves about as traditionally and toxically masculine as you could possibly get. Theyve KILLED PEOPLE. They’re not “soft” by any stretch of the imagination. Physically & emotionally they ARE extremely conservative, and there’s something to be said about the politics of that too—molding yourself into the shape of what you think a man should look like, just to avoid persecution, and then performing masculinity BETTER than even the men who would want to persecute you…!

Related to your ask: the modern/young ppl inclination to make sexuality SO political and public. When asked how he could reckon with joining a DADT-ruled navy, rooster answers: “hope I could do something to destroy it before it could destroy me.” When asked why he DIDNT use any of his considerable power to influence the repeal of DADT, ice answers: “it was better than the blanket ban that came before it. And maybe I’ve always wanted neither to tell nor to be asked.” the conservative respectable opinion that your intimate relationships ought to be PRIVATE, doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight—just do your job, and preferably do it well. yeah, don’t ask and don’t tell. It’s not anyone’s business. ice doesn’t have a philosophical problem with DADT, because he agrees sexuality should be private & secret. —is it anyone’s business? whose business is it? How much of your personal life do you owe the public if you’re a public-facing individual like the COMPACFLT or SECNAV? all good questions!!!!

#& unanswerable!#sooo fun to ignore the big ‘is the military bad’ questions in favor of the nitty gritty of policy #yes it’s bad. next!#poor ice and mav honestly. if it wasn’t such a big deal theydve been married in the 90s #its all external influencing the internal #impossible to not be products of their time #‘marshallian system’ as very niche military officer succession strategy #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #edts notes #top gun fanfiction #sorry i probably won’t be posting as much for the next couple weeks. finals season and i am so deep in the trenches its actually not funny.#i think there’s a grammatical typo in excerpt 2. their*#and in excerpt 1 too. not really proofreading these. shrug.

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thesweetnessofspring · 1 month

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Why don't you like swift? Is it her specifically?

I love how making tags in one random post has gotten me this ask, because like, in general my stance is to ignore her and not talk about it, use my tumblr filters and whatnot to ignore her existence the best I can. But I'm getting asked so here's my answer. I'm going fully honest with this because someone asked me to, so if this pop star is your idol, ignore this and dni. It's just my opinion and arguing with me will only entrench my hatred deeper, as evidenced by my past experience with her fans. Also this is hella long, so fair warning.

There are a lot of reasons why I hate that singer. Some range from my own adolescent dramatics to bad interactions with her fans to just really not being into celebrity culture and therefore her whole persona/existence. I also want to say that everything I know about Swift I've learned against my will, so some of this information may be incomplete, but I don't feel the need to look up details about her. If I could, I would never have to hear about her or her music ever again.

I don't like her music. I actually really despise it and have since she got popular when I was in high school. Now I've come to realize if I hate a piece of media, it usually either did an injustice to something I love (like the Ella Enchanted movie) or it's something I didn't like but it became inescapable. Swift mostly falls into the latter. I know people have been trying to take back "cringe" but I can't help it. When I have to hear Swift's music, I CRINGE and I have since high school. Love Story was the stupidest """story""" to me with huge plotholes. You Belong With Me was incredibly entitled and I still side with cheerleader girl in that one, like that is HER boyfriend who HE chose to date. In general, all of her music (that I heard) in those early years were girl-crying-over-useless-boy and that annoyed me to the high heavens. And I think my dislike turned to hatred when I was told that since I was a girl, I HAD to like her, that she was SOOOOO relatable to teenage girls when my life experience was nothing like hers. And her music being all over the radio, school, my social settings, etc. did not help.

And the thing is, I've heard songs/seen lyrics of hers that I didn't know were hers and I still hated them/thought they were cringe. Like I remember when "We Are Never Getting Back Together" came out. I heard it on the radio and thought "who is this new wanna-be Avril Lavigne?? She sucks!" And then the DJ said it was Swift's new song. 💀 A few months ago I was driving my parents to the airport with their car and a song comes on their radio I hadn't heard before, and I immediately think "ugh this song sucks" and then by the chorus I realized it was a Swift song. Even with her new album, when I saw the first meme for that "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me" I thought it was an old meme I'd missed and had originated from like, some cringey 12-year-old on Vine or something. Only to find out a grown-ass woman in her 30s who's likely never stepped foot in a psychiatric unit wrote it, which explained how utterly stupid that line is. All of that to say, even when blind, I hate her music. The one (1) exception to that is Blank Space. That one for some reason, I do find catchy. My obsessed cousin got me to listen to Folklore and I didn't HATE that, but I thought it was hella boring. She's either cringe or boring and mediocre and I think at this point, you have to be a fan of her persona to like her music because that's really all I hear her fans talk about. Not the songs themselves, but how they're about her/her life. Or their blorbos.

I think Swift is a spoiled, entitled, privileged white girl who likes to bask in any slight done to her and blow it up like it's the worst injustice done to any human being. She lacks a true core other than being obsessed with herself, her image, and her fame, and chases trending aesthetics instead of finding something real and authentic to her. Authenticity is really important to me. I really can enjoy things other people think of a "cringey" if it's authentic to the creator, but the only thing authentic to Swift is her martyr complex. She borrows aethetics and throws them off easily, never truly mastering any of the genres she stumbles into as a costume instead of an authentic artistic expression. Everything she does is half-baked.

And that's not to say that the press and people online haven't been nasty. That stuff with the deepfake AI rape-porn was horrendous and she doesn't deserve that. Nor did her body being scrutinized as a teenager (or ever). But she got offended by a TV show joking about her having had a lot of boyfriends (which is true!) and as a result, a black actress who was delivering the lines someone else wrote got harassed online. Like what an absolute LOSER. She's a billionaire and the most popular pop star currently alive, and some rando Netflix show has her panties in a twist to the point where she sics her stans to bully an actress??

I'll give Swift this: she is very good at parasocial relationships (to an exploitive degree, imo) and PR. She's turned feminism into her own "you're misogynist if you attack ME!!!!! Like who cares about poor women or women in countries that mine has colonized or abused women or exploited women, anyone who attacks MEEEEE is the worst misogynist around!!!!!" Ugh. And I'm not going to lie, when 1989 came out and I was getting more into feminism I fell for this narrative of hers until her "Bad Blood" music video came out and it struck me how she was a bully. From what I heard, the beef was that Katy Perry "stole" her dancers and TS responded by making a whole music video with some of the biggest female celebrities to show off how everyone was in her corner. Then I thought...oh...she literally doesn't care about feminism (blatantly attacking another woman for something really minor) she only cares about herself!! And I got on the hate-train again. I still think she uses her power to bully other people/keep them in line about her and I swear if I were a man in Hollywood/entertainment, I would never date that woman.

She's certainly not the worst celebrity around. And also, I think to some extent, celebrities who have achieved even half the fame Swift has is likely somewhat conceited and self-centered. Anyone I'm a fan of, I'm a fan of their work first, and if they seem nice then that's a plus, but I also don't bank of them to be perfect, as long as they don't cross over into abusing others. And I don't think (from what I've been forced to know) that Swift is an abuser. Swift reminds me more of that friend-of-a-friend that makes every gathering about her and is fake-nice to you to gather information about you so she can hold it over you socially. If that makes sense.

And also some of her fans have always just been really pushy and annoying. I'm not going to act like I never threw a little temper tantrum in high school when Love Story came on or anything, but I've had my fair share of her fans as roommates and friends and I've really tried to be polite with them a least since college when I'd gotten a little more mature. Two stories really did me in, though: once in college I went on a roadtrip with a friend. We were going to be going through an area with bad radio signals and when that happened we got out the CDs. She suggested the Red album. I politely said I didn't care for Swift, and pointed out another one of her CDs of band I did like. She told me I didn't like Swift because I only heard her stuff on the radio, reached over while she was driving and pulled out the CD and put it in. I didn't want to start some sort of fight trying to get the CD out while she was driving and had to listen to that CD. This friend was trying really hard to get me to like her, but I was just so pissed she hadn't listened to me and I was trapped in there. Halfway through I asked to change it, thinking okay, it's been like 20 minutes, but no, she insisted I'd like the songs in the last half (I didn't, obviously). I also in college had my "golden" birthday and decided to throw a huge party. My roommates and one of our joint friends at the time were big into Swift. They were helping me put it together and I asked that the music they play not be a) violent toward women or b) any of Swift's music. They got the first part but then put all of the "danceable" songs of her newest album at the time on my birthday playlist. Like, not one song. At least five songs. Because they wanted it. All of the other parties and gatherings I clenched my teeth and told myself to get through it, but seriously, my own birthday party they ignored my very simple request because "it's not a party without Taylor!" I literally left my own party until the songs switched. And when I asked them to take any other of her songs off, they didn't. So. Yeah. Even though that was over a decade ago now, it doesn't help my Pavlovian response to her songs or her voice.

I just really don't think she's talented at singing, dancing, acting, or songwriting and seeing all of her everywhere is just SO MUCH.

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arromantica-lucha · 9 months

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i got a lot of thoughts about loveless by alice oseman and if this post seems very one sided well thats just how it read to me. my opinion isnt the end-all and i value how everyone interpreted and was affected by this book. this isnt a closed topic lets talk about it

gripes with loveless by alice oseman

took a while to actually explain that ace and aro are two separate identities and still not that well. it makes aro seem like a subset of ace which is entirely false. its cool there was an aroallo character involved but still

the book title 'loveless' is a real term and identity and the entirety of the book kinda shits on it by enforcing the ideal that its still okay to be aspec cause platonic love can be experienced and any type of love is required or at least better than "not feeling anything and being alone forever"

it was weird for her friends to forgive her over gestures that had nothing to do with apologizing before georgia actually apologized and explained but that may just be more of a personal thing that i didnt like. likewise the story being about platonic love it kinda sucks her deepest connection is with her roommate and not the people shes known for years and wronged

kinda sex negative. i mean rooney says she doesnt dislike casual sex but then that whole thing becomes the reason she hates herself and a reason to cope with being "unloveable" and its kinda lame. you can tell that story without making it seem like casual sex is just a means of devaluing yourself. and you can be sex repulsed and still not do that. it just feels unfair to aroallo people especially who are told they are monsters for enjoying and only wanting casual sex when this book is supposed to be about aromanticism too

(can we also be done with harry potter references??? lets stop hurting trans and jewish people thanks)

basically particular identities' stories shouldnt come at the expense of others and other ways of life. its great and important to write different experiences because no one is gonna relate to them all but no one has to replace romantic love with ANY type of love to feel good about themselves and be human. loveless and aplatonic people shouldnt have to read something that uses rhetoric against their identities within a book about aspec people

things i like about loveless

i didnt relate to it personally but the experiences felt very genuine. internalized aphobia, being hounded by aphobic comments, finding it hard to portray love even in a fictional or artistic sense, etc.

I appreciate the references to race and intersectionality that come with being queer even if they were minimal. so few times is it actually acknowledged that there is privilege when it comes to being understood, coming out, being accepted, etc. the references to that were nice to see because too often intersectionality being brought up is brushed off and blatantly ignored or people pretend like they understand

it was written by someone who is aroace even if there are some things that can be less isolating within the aspec community with the language being used. someone being open about their identities and how they choose to define them in the mainstream world is how we get more peoples voices in there

it has helped people discover their own identity though id still recommend further research on the actual identities being named and ones not named. these stories are the first introduction of aspec identities in mainstream and that hopefully means itll start to expand to other identities within that community that have not yet had representation

this should be the start of developing more rep. the first takes are not gonna represent everyone and its a good thing it exists to tell a few peoples story. but that doesnt mean it should be free from any criticism because thats how we make them continuously better. i hope to see an aroallo character soon. i want the term loveless to be properly used in media and expressed for what it is. i want to stop pretending like ace is the umbrella term for all aspec identities. i want amatonormativity explained as the sociological term it is that harms all life not just aromantic and polyamorous people. i want a polyam aspec character and polyam characters in general. i want disabled and ethnic aspec characters where the intersectionality is just as important to the narrative. i want a whole lot more and to stop prentending like any of that should be unreasonable

#loveless #alice oseman #osemanverse #aromantic #arospec #aspec #aroace #aroallo #loveless aromantic #loveless aro #queer #lgbtqia #made this sideblog specifically for this post

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monstrous-femme · 6 months

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in the quest to avoid misinformation, one of the questions to ask yourself before reblogging is, "is this post designed to make me feel like a Big Damn Hero." or, in other words, does this post over-emphasize the contributions of you and people like you?

and like. I get it. A lot of us feel very powerless, and we want to feel like our contributions matter. beyond that, many of us with privilege have been taught our whole lives to overvalue our own contributions, and this has to be actively unlearned.

but when you see yourself as a Big Damn Hero, of course you're going to believe posts telling you that boycotts you are participating in are having a big and immediate effect on businesses. You will find yourself ignoring details like the fact that that these boycotts have been going on for only a handful of weeks, were planned online amongst a small percentage of people, and target businesses with lots of money to burn through. (this is not to say not to boycott anything. I love a good boycott when done well. they just take time (we're talking years), and coordination, and clear goals and messaging.)

so then, people see the post, feel like they are part of a specific story that feels good, and reblog it like !!! we're making a difference!!

and this information makes it harder for people to plan action that actually gets shit done, because we end up wanting to do things that make us feel good rather than things that are actually helpful.

anyway when a post makes you feel good in that way, it is ESPECIALLY important to think critically about the information in the post.

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agoddamn · 11 months

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There's a lot to criticize about Stephanie Brown's writing (about any comic book writing!) but this thing where people are calling her a privileged manipulative abusive misogynist Mary Sue while completely ignoring that comic book writers are doubly incompetent at portraying women and teenagers is really starting to get to me...!

Like, Stephanie Brown is not a real person. Her narrative is not making 'she's not like other girls' cracks because Stephanie Brown personally believes this is what's right, but because male writers and editors agree that this portrayal will sell best to the male fanbase they've always prioritized.

You can't talk about Steph's character without looking at the way writers and the narrative presented her throughout the 90s, you just can't. You can't act like Steph is cosseted by the narrative when Steph's whole narrative role as Robin was "be a shittier, worse Robin to prove that Tim needs to be Robin."

This was the entire point of the Girl Wonder push, this is why people were mad. And I don't think that DC ever truly understood that, because post-everything Steph has that unassailable girlboss quality that so many embattled female characters end up with--she's better than other girls, nothing is ever her fault, she can't develop or fail.

Bruce or Jason or Tim can have a story where they make a horrible choice and then learn better, but embattled female characters aren't allowed to have those kinds of arcs because all editorial has learned is "people don't like when bad things happen to her" instead of "people thought your story was shallow and trite and desperate for shock value."

This isn't a function of being a Mary Sue or a bad character, it's a function of writer misogyny in being unable to genuinely engage with female characters. If you hate the character feel free to hate the character, but at least put the blame where it belongs--on bad writing--rather than pretend she's like a real human being who chose to be a bad person.

#i hate comic books #this same unassailable cool guy catch-22 often happens to characters of any marginalized flavor #but I'm personally most familiar with female characters (esp non-straight ones!) getting it again and again #stephanie brown

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inkydreamzart · 6 months

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why do you make art? is what you make honest and true to your beliefs and values? does your art center, or distract? These are a few questions I’m thinking on after attending an artist teach-in for Pal3stin3 yesterday.

I’ve been sitting with current events and processing a lot lately. We are out here watching whole human beings being mass bombed and murdered every day, because the powers that be are fine with sacrificing entire family lines and destroying history and cultures for oil and land. It’s soul-crushing. The islamaphobia, orientalism, and casual anti-asian hate I’m seeing people in my life share on social media, is also soul-crushing. as william faulkner once said, and as all my professors have always said, the past is never really past.

when i see all this, i feel consumed by horror, and disgust, and anger. when i see our government continue to murder Indigenous people like it always has, it’s still jarring witnessing what has always happened, happen again. Hearing my partner’s refugee family stories, and watching more people become refugees, is terrible. I don’t understand why Pal3stinians need to do so much to prove their worth and humanity to others, and am equally freaked out how videos of their struggles are not enough for some to care. But watching the homies continue to make art, share stories, share information, and build community through protests + teach ins, reminds me that people have always been fighting oppression, and always will– the past of our resistance continues to the now. I make what I make because it’s useless to just sit with my feelings and the facts, and take them nowhere. I would also rather die than make dishonest work. I hope that if I keep writing and posting about this, that you dear friends, will consider how much power your individual and group actions can have towards creating a world we can all live in. Your feelings right now are important– they’re motivation to do something. It’s a privilege that we’re able to sit with them. If you’re unsure of what to do and are feeling overwhelmed, don’t worry– I’ve got a list of things you can do right here.

1) you can learn more! If you don’t feel well informed enough to be sure that your actions match your intentions, you can check out @palestinianfeministcollective, or @bayareapym to sign up for a teach-in session with organizers and academics. You can also check out the readings & educational resources they have linked in their bios. Ethnic studies and Feminist studies scholars from around the world have a lot of great stuff to say on these pages.

2) you can attend protests, and share info on protests! @JVPLA is the LA branch of Jewish Voice for Peace, a great org that has been leading huge c3as3fir3 protests all around the world. @bayareapym is also another great page to check out for protest information and political education. If you are located near a school or university, you can also check out its branch of SJP (for example, @ucsbSJP), or students for justice in pal3stin3. JVP, SJP, and PYM all have local branches all over the place, so see if your town or city has a branch you can get together with! USCPR is also a great org that’s working to end US military support to 1sra3l. Our elected officials are ignoring us when we ask politely for them to stop murdering, so going out and protesting will help make sure they hear us and actually represent our values and beliefs.

3) if you don’t have money or time, there is also the power of boycotting! Never underestimate the power of a “no”. Check out the next slide to see how boycotts work to help defund the war machine, and save lives. Art credit for slide 2 goes to Mona Challabi. Withholding your time and money from corporations that are willing to sacrifice people’s lives for resources will teach them through boycotts, that people are not down for mass murder for the sake of material wealth. I definitely don’t want my tax or spending money going towards killing random people. if I can help it, I will make sure my money goes somewhere it will do good.

4) email or call your elected officials to tell them directly that the people want an immediate c3as3fir3! Check out @woketeachers for info on what numbers to call, and some scripts if you need help figuring out how to voice your demands. You can even use those phone scripts as a template for emailing your elected officials– I like to use it as a little outline before expanding it into a longer message.

Anyways, there are four powerful ways to take action instead of stewing directionless in feelings. Please do something– your voice matters.

(photo credit from @/eye.on.palestine of a father saying goodbye to his child who was murdered by the occupation)

#my art #free palestine #palestine #falasteen #antti zionism #lgbtq #social justice #decolonize #land back #mutual aid

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invalluable · 27 days

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I need to remind myself that I am actually capable of writing so I decided to post a compilation of some of my poems that I've written over the years. (Mind you, some of these are like, 10 years old).

Starting out with a classic "Is this depression or just word play?" aka the poem that almost got me sent to the school psychologist.

Farewell It’s time I left. I have no life in me, no colour in my cheeks, no blood in my veins. It’s time I left. All my friends are gone, my whole family is down under on the cold ground. I’m still holding on, with the last bits of my strength a string of life and hope. But it’s time I left. So I let go. I start falling, I dance in the wind, I twirl and drop, drop, drop … and then I stop. I slowly lie down on the ground with my friends. And I wait for the first snow to cover me like a cold blanket. But I feel no cold, I don’t feel a thing. For a long time now. A dry leaf.

I submitted this one to my high school's linguistic magazine. I had to sit down and have a talk with my English professor and explain that it's just describing autumn and that I don't actually want to kill myself. (Was I a depressed little fuck? Of course, but she didn't have to know that!)

I call this one "Yeah I know I suck but at least I'm self aware so that has to count right?"

ME. I was never too good at loving the person who stares at me through the mirror every morning when I brush my teeth. My flaws and imperfections are loud they stand out like trees in a field and the lightning always knows where to strike. And every storm that comes caresses my flaws with its cold fingers making sure i remember their presence as if I could ever forget what makes me.

Following the negative self-talk, a short one that I'd say I'm most proud of. I do not remember what inspired me to write it - I have a sneaky suspicion it was me having a platonic crush on someone.

Vulnerable Love is a stranger making themself at home in the darkest corners of your soul. You wonder why you let them in and watch, terrified, as the gently pick up your flaws, one by one, and kiss them.

Being loved as you are, no questions asked is scary, but if you let it happen it can be so beautiful. You have to start believing people when they tell you good things about yourself.

This next one I don't even know how to describe. I know exactly what prompted me to write it. It was the start of a somewhat messy situation that poem right after this one touches on.

Storm Meeting you was like the eye of a hurricane – quiet, still. For a brief moment I forgot about the ongoing storm inside my head, and heart. You felt like gravity pulling at my feet to keep my mind from drifting up into the dark clouds that pooled above me. I should have known. We were a natural disaster waiting to happen. Me, with my undying hatred towards myself and you, with your good intentions that pave the road straight to heaven and that heaven is me, my heart and you know it. But you still take, take, take advantage of my willingness to give, give, give and ask nothing in return. But my requests are silent, like candles they burn, burn, burn me out. I want you to hear my unspoken words, read between my lines, unravel my metaphors. Let the disaster strike. After all, destruction is beautiful And if beauty is in the eye of the beholder then my broken heart is a piece of art.

Wow, such deep, much insight. Wow. Repetition was a big hit in this one. Lots of metaphors or whatever. Moving on.

The next two sort of go together. The first one was written after my first time. It was a complicated situation (as described in the previous piece) and I won't go into too much detail about it, but it made me feel a strange kind of sadness.

Unrequited Words escape me now I can’t grasp my thoughts they keep running to you your voice, your face, your warmth. I miss the sweet oblivion, the privilege of not knowing, the beauty of ignorance the time before yesterday. Gratitude feels cold but I still am grateful for the truth I’d rather hurt now than later down the road when I’m in too deep and it kills me I’d rather have you here, at arm’s length, as a friend than not at all I’ll be okay in time My wounds are merely scratches Tomorrow I’ll be whole.

And this other one I wrote a little later. I just entered my first relationship and was unsure how to navigate it. Self-consciousness as a theme persists, but love somehow mellows it out.

Familiar My mind is wrapped in fog but I remember you so clearly as if I’ve known you for a lifetime My fingertips could recognize the curves and edges of you in pitch blackness The taste of you lingers on my tongue the heat of your skin could warm up the coldest corners of my soul and there is little in this world as soothing as the gentle pounding of your heart Your scent surrounds me and it feels like home I’m at ease nothing can harm me as long as we exist together in the dark

The last one I wrote right after my break-up. I was angry (and rightfully so) and hurt and just had to let it out. The bitterness is palpable. It was word-vomitted onto the paper, so it doesn't even have a title.

Wasn't it enough? Wasn't it enough to love you Like you were something precious Something splendid and unique? Wasn't it enough to hold you Like you were something to cherish Wasn't it enough to see you In those quiet moments When the world couldn't reach us And it was just you and me And our little life together Wasn't it enough for you? Because it was enough for me.

Big oof. Looking at this almost two years later and I feel the same pain that I felt the moment I picked up the pen. Grief is important and learning to let go is as well. I hold no grudges anymore, though I'm still upset about the consequences it had. Am I in a better place now because of it? Yes. Did I deserve better? Yes. And so better I will get. It was a shitty thing to experience but it gave me some much needed perspective. Hopefully I can learn and grow from it.

If you're still reading and you made it this far, thank you for coming on this trip down the memory lane with me. Hopefully I'll write some more in the future.

#vall writes #lots and lots of words in this one #are they good words? debatable #also disclaimer: i don't necessarily think these are good but i am proud of them

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nonbinarygamzee · 11 months

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hii i want some meenah (and or kankri) analysis >:3 love the way you explain things

HEARTTTTTTT thank you mio <3333 you will have to forgive me because the beforus trolls really really are not my wheelhouse outside of, like, talking about the ways that they represent (generally) interpretations of the beta trolls that hussie found shitty and obviously the whole obsession he had with owning the teenage SJWs for being messy about their critique of him as if he did not create the confines and energy of that space in the first place.

that said meenah is one of my favies of the bunch and i think i already have said a little bit to you about why i find her compelling on twitter before but UHMMM cracks knuckles

okay so i am a big fan of the characters whos isolation plays into the ways that make them harder for the rest of the cast to sympathize with. isolation is obviously an element of homestuck that is generally relevent to every characters story but for some of them that makes the friendgroups they have cultivated a source of empowerment and for some of them it functions to magnify why they hold whatever particular place in the narrative they do. why the narrative, as something alive and malicious to the characters living within it, grants some of them agency and denies others. and in some ways meenah gets agency, i mean she is the catalyst for every major decision that ensures the outcomes of her session! she has massive influence and control of her own future and is very strongheaded in her refusal to give that up, i love it for her.

that said she also is another victim of fitting into a character slot influenced by hussies biases. i think it is a little bit too simplistic when people try to paint the hemospectrum as just racism flipped on its head (plus that doesnt really account for the lowbloods who are written to be brown), but the makaras and the peixes get the worst of the messiness that IS there, where both on individual levels their characterizations end up saying some extremely fucked up things and revealing a lot about what hussie thinks black culture, like, is. and in a more general sense they invoke the uncomfortable undercurrent of antiblackness and anxiety surrounding black culture becoming a dominating cultural force that troll society is built upon. ive seen this spoken about better, and by actually black fans, so i wont try to hard to restate it all, but the ways that alternia (and beforus by extension) invoke black culture especially in the trolls we are meant to understand as holding societal privilege is like, so so so fucking weird!, and the choice to insert meenah the way that he did, long after discussions about this had started to really permeate the sphere of critique to me cant really feel like anything but a conscious decision, and retroactively erased any chance at him claiming ignorance with what he was doing with gamzee. the decision to double down on the concept that any of these behaviors are instinctual is also the bane of my existence. all of these characters who are loaded with blatant racism and then forced into roles of antagonizers are the ones i feel the most need to align myself with forever no questions asked.

to roll back around to meenah's isolation though, i think a lot of people kind of forget that for as much as she idolizes her post-scratch self, she felt so trapped by the prospect of ruling on beforus that she literally chose to run away and go into hiding and live! all by herself! this is so sad to me and especially drawing back on that metanarrative string of being a marginalized girl we are supposed to read as privileges (eugh!), i think it speaks so blatantly to her want for a nice life where she can be with her friends, even if i think her own conditioning makes her not entirely aware of that because shes spent her entire life being told she is meant to want power and her attitude of embracing that in the least-beforan way possible is so clearly the escapist fantasy of a teenager whos been told all her life how to be who hasnt quite unlearned the idea that power and riches and status are what makes you important.

even despite our entire view of her through her active role in the story being basically hussie telling us over and over and over again what a violent and selfish person she is, everything we hear about her actions in their session point more to meenah just being an abrasive girl who doesnt really know how to express her feelings, especially the ones that make her feel vulnerable or forced onto equal footing with people when shes always been told that isnt what shes meant to do. she bakes them a cakeeee for their anniversaryyyy come onnnn :o(((( i love her. even the stuff she does to damara is all only ever done with the intent of making sure her team can survive the game she has brought them all into (their dynamic is my favorite part about the beforus trolls one day i will speak on it). and ofc her entire plan to kill all of them to make sure they dont all end up wiped from existence!

ok um i am admittedly losing steam with my thoughts here so i will end this there but tldr she is everything to me

#also admittedly i dont think about kankri much outside of like how i wish he couldve been utilized and how much i hate most of what we got #but for you....... i will do my research and get back to u #also i love what u do with their dynamic big fan of vantas wifeguy trutherisms #meenah #ask #meta #<- feels a bit sillay to tag as usual idk if im actually saying anything not surface lvl here lol

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circular-bircular · 7 months

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Clearing The Air About Sophie

I mean, since she posted something, and since I still get regular asks about her, and since we’ve had a whole grudge and personal feud thing going on for (months? years? time is an illusion to those of us with trauma based amnesia), I do kind of want to respond. Going to put it under a cut for all those uninterested in Sophiecourse.

Side note: This isn’t for Sophie. Like she says on her post, this isn’t an olive branch. It’s just… Getting thoughts and feelings out.

TL;DR: I actually agree with what she said about my personality flaws, I know them and work on them in therapy! I don’t hate Sophie, and I don’t really hate anyone else for that matter. I believe everyone needs chances to grow and change – transphobic, fakeclaiming assholes too. I’m tired of people punching at the mods of SAS who try their best and are pro-endo. I’m tired of people lumping me in with anti-endos when I really do not hang out that much with them. I’m tired of hearing the term “hate-group” thrown around because it has a very different definition than what’s being used and also I am white and privileged I should not be the voice on this! I’m tired of people yelling about SN when I’m not even in that server any longer. And, most of all, I’m tired of people dragging this drama on continuously in the public eye. Let it fucking rest, and please let this be the final essay I have to write about the topic.

Firstly, I want to address: A lot of what Sophie says is absolutely correct. I am loyal to a fault. I have allowed myself to get into a lot of situations that are incredibly fucking harmful, all in the name of being loyal to either a cause or a friendship.

This has led to me being set so far back in my recover lately that I’ve flinched at my partner touching me, split a new part in August of this year, and started obsessively stalking blogs again in the desperate need to know everything, just to appease anyone who might be curious.

I also agree that I mean… I really don’t hate Sophie. I hate a lot of her actions, and a lot of her takes, but I don’t hate her. I simply don’t hate people. It isn’t in my nature. I have a very intense dislike for her, but as she said – coke and mentos. I would likely go “oil and water,” but I think coke and mentos fits more, given my propensity for exploding. Trauma does shake one up.

Secondly: I want to address some of the negatives she’s said that I disagree with, or I feel her personal grudges might be impacting too much.

That’s how I see SAS, who will adopt labels like “syscourse enraged” or “pro syscourse conversation” on Tumblr, while their partner heads over to r/systemscringe to tell the anti-endos that SAS is “100% anti-endo” so they can get that sweet r/systemscringe demographic. SAS’s stance is whatever they think will convince the most people to listen to them.

I would greatly appreciate if people were to stop lumping SAS under that anti-endo label as well, as me and the person they’re actually referring to (Dude) agree on many things (and yes, disagree as well, as is only healthy in a fucking friendship). People so frequently ignore the things SAS has posted about endogenic systems that acknowledges their existence, while simultaneously condemning the entire mod team for the actions of… [checks] a singlet on reddit?

I would not be friends with the mods of SAS if their beliefs fundamentally opposed mine. If any of them were regularly fakeclaimers, harassers, or doxxers, I would be blasting them on each of my blogs that I could, with screenshotted proof (as I tend to do). The fact is, none of them are anti-endo. The one I would say fits closest to that label is Mod Signal, who’s opinions on endos seems to simply be, “god, I don’t want to fucking talk about that, can I PLEASE talk about the etymology of the word dissociative and the intersection of POC and medical spaces?” (Signal, you can correct me if I’m wrong on that, I just feel that’s the vibes).

The fact of the matter is, SAS – every mod there – is a traumatized individual who has made countless mistakes. I disagree with a lot of what Mod Dude has done and said, but not in such a way that it makes me ignore the words being said. He genuinely wants people to live their best lives and recover, while also groaning and laughing at the frankly ridiculous ableism in the world. And he calls that out, and points it out, and tries to clarify.

I don’t find that bad. There’s a reason why we’re friends.

Say, for instance, your friend is under fire for fakeclaiming and transphobia, and your response is to come up with a list of things the victim said to deserve it.

Sigh.

I am no longer a moderator at the Survivor’s Network. At the time of the post Sophie is referring to here, where the user fakeclaimed her with vicious transphobia, I wasn’t online, nor active in the server – I was busy that day, and couldn’t be attentive. I’ve raked myself over the coals endlessly about not being present 24/7 to discuss every last take coming from individuals in that server due to this obsession tumblr has had that any take from SN was clearly supported by everyone there.

It wasn’t.

I nearly left that day, and only stuck around because (as Sophie herself said) I am intensely loyal. And the individual took a step back, and when they came back, some new fire needed putting out. They had lost all memory of the post in question – and I had as well. It’s unfortunate.

When the post resurfaced, the user in question was guilt stricken and absolutely mortified that they had done that. This does not excuse the behavior. They could identify which part had gotten triggered enough to say that, and what led to them being triggered from her blog. This does not excuse the behavior. They wrote an apology to the server, as their actions now (somehow, someway) reflected on every individual in the server, and (more importantly, and accurately) apologized for how their actions might be making the server members feel unsafe. This does not excuse the behavior.

The “making excuses” she lists is the list of things I wrote out while in an incredibly triggered state where I tried to provide context for what could make an individual state such heinous, disgusting things about another person. Because I do not hate others. Not even transphobic, fakeclaiming assholes. They are all simply people, and I understood why this happened. I did not defend the action, but I defended the person. He didn’t deserve hatred; he deserved the chance to redeem himself.

Perhaps I’m too kind. But I believe everyone deserves chances to change. And given that he immediately privated the post (but not deleted, so that if people had questions, he still had the post to show them so he could prove his transgressions), stepped back massively from syscourse, and started discussing more about the self care he was doing to become a less hateful person, I believed he was making that change.

When the place this individual made alongside my friends came under fire for things that were complete fabrications and lies, I included that list in the document detailing each and every allegation. For transparency. Just like the document stated. I also wrote that piece while, once again, triggered and dissociated out of my mind. I was fully in my headspace, as a new part who did not even know her name, and having just abandoned everyone I knew and loved from Survivor’s Network.

I am no longer friends with that individual. Please do not lump me in with that space any longer, as they deserve better than syscourse drama in a space that is dedicated to growth and healing.

I will say this again, for those who did not hear: I do not, and never will, condone transphobia or fakeclaiming of others, regardless of your beliefs about them. Everyone deserves a baseline of respect. No matter their beliefs about anyone else, they deserve basic respect.

I have been harassed endlessly for that belief. It genuinely hurts the amount of times I’ve been accused now of defending transphobia, bullying, harassment, and fakeclaiming (not just from Sophie, but from various hate anons I’ve blocked or the countless plural servers I am no longer allowed to venture into due to being banned for “my actions” when they weren’t mine to begin with). I am not that person, and I’m so tired of being painted that way due to my desire to give people second chances.

Ugh. Anyways.

(Again though, this is only my opinion as an outside observer. And there could very likely be private conversations about their friends’ conduct I don’t see because it would be handled in DMs.)

This is fully accurate, and I wanted to highlight this for everyone in syscourse.

The majority of my syscourse takes place on discord. I’m always hovering between around 7 and 12 system servers that I’m present in at any given time. I’ve always used online spaces as a dissociative crutch to try and help myself focus on something while also dissociating, without losing myself entirely. According to my phone, while I get the most notifications from Tumblr (825 daily, on average), I spend around an hour a day on Discord at least. (Fun Fact: Since leaving SN, I now spend an average of 4 hours on my phone, which is down from 5-7 hours daily! Progress!) Discord is also the first thing I open each day, and I read through all of the servers I usually check for.

I conduct a lot of conversation in private. I don’t feel that the majority of this sort of… business… should be on a public forum like Tumblr. Honestly, I’ve frequently lamented about the fact that Sophie isn’t on Discord much (I’ve been in servers where she was banned due to inactivity) because I feel like I have such better communication there. There’s more time to have a back and forth, rather than these essay long posts that drain my energy and take me days to write (usually).

I do call people out in DMs. I have ticketed a lot of spaces I’m in to discuss with mods the actions of other users, to clarify for myself if I am being triggered, if I’m squicked out, or if I am in the right and they are acting inappropriately. I have blocked many individuals on Discord.

What you see on Tumblr is one of two things: carefully filtered, but edited for passion and attempting to sound as clear as possible, or not filtered in the slightest while highly charged. This post is one of the latter ones, believe it or not. The length of the post doesn’t change the feeling behind it!

The fact is, I can only really call out pro-endos… here. Because I am banned from so many pro-endo spaces… for… calling out. Pro-endos. And discussing their posts in servers that are condemned (wrongfully) of being collections of people in hate groups. Therefore supporting hate groups.

See the issue? It’s a never ending cycle.

I’m trying to join more endogenic oriented spaces currently, but… we’ll see. I find them incredibly stressful for my system, due to past experiences and the increasing need of people to find the “label” that fits others, but. We’ll see.

I’ll still use scare quotes when mentioning their syscourse alignment because I find them to often be out of touch with the endogenic community and our interests.

See above. It’s incredibly difficult to view and understand the endogenic community when each one immediately declares you a fakeclaiming bigot who supports hate groups…

I think because of their friendship with anti-endos, they still want to try to appease both sides as much as possible.

I want to write more about this at the end of the post, but believe it or not… I’m really not friends with many anti-endos. I think I can name 2 off the top of my head who actually do not believe in endogenic systems. And of those two, I only share a server with one.

I don’t believe there’s a world where endogenic systems and anti-endos can both find total acceptance

Hmm.

You know?

I don’t really disagree with this point as much as some may believe.

I actually do want the entire world, one day (or at least, the relevant people in the world) to agree that endogenic systems exist. I fully want anti-endo, as a label, to go away, and I want people to open their eyes and fucking understand what endogenic systems are actually about.

I do not believe there will be a world where anti-endos will continue to be a norm, and I think those who insist on crying about how there’s “people faking having a disorder” need to actually… you know… look. At the evidence we have so far (which is not much, I will admit, but is still there) and at the experiences people are having (which is far more telling and vast). I do not believe that there will be a world where anti-endos and endos can fully co-exist with everyone feeling safe and happy together.

I also do not think that is bad.

There is no such thing as a completely safe, tolerant space. Regardless of someone’s wishes or beliefs, we cannot all be together. We cannot all believe the same things. My heavy Christian upbringing has led to even my own system being at odds with its spiritual beliefs; I am a demonic protector who regularly talks to an angelic part, who both keep an eye on our demonic persecutor, and all three of us have different religious beliefs.

We cannot believe the same things. We will disagree.

That does not mean we cannot work together, cooperate, and exist in the same spaces. I think we need to learn how to, actually, in order for the more ideal “no more anti-endos” future to come to be. If anti-endos are not accepted as people, are not welcomed in by kind endogenic or pro-endos (like I was), then how would they ever learn?

Not that people need to risk their safety like that. I would never want that. But for those individuals who can handle that burden… I feel it is needed.

But this is all beside the point. That’s a good syscourse post for another day.

Circ doesn’t like me calling anti-endos a hate group because, in my (again, outside) opinion, they’re friends with anti-endos and don’t see how the people they’re friends with could possibly be part of a hate group.

I do not like people referring to anti-endos as a hate group due to them not fitting the definition of a hate group. I don’t like it because my POC friends (both neutral, pro-endo, and unaligned) have felt spoken over by others who insist that the actions of anti-endos are somehow comparable to the actions of groups like Nazis and the KKK.

Just a quick google search:

Anti-endos are not a cohesive organization or group, and does not have equal goals across the board. I believe extremist anti-endos could potentially fall under the label of having a goal, but they are disorganized. “The group itself must have some hate-based purpose.” Most anti-endos I have had both the pleasure and displeasure of knowing… just want to be left alone. And for those who do not want that, I call them out regularly on tumblr.

What leaders? What official statements? Again, this is vastly different from groups with an actual creed or motto, groups who are a real crisis in today’s life. Some asshole on tumblr who is rambling about “The People Faking A Disorder!!1!!” is not systematically oppressing endogenic systems. They are not killing them in the streets, or dragging them behind cars via rope (an event I will not be forgetting soon as a queer individual).

Okay, if we use this definition, I could see it. I could see someone calling anti-endos a social group that practices hostility. But that is assuming that every individual who uses the label anti-endo agrees with everyone else in that social group. Which is not the case.

There’s three options, all of which, I could only loosely tie to the term hate-group.

Regardless: It is not my fucking place. I am so incredibly privileged. While I live in fear to hold my partner’s hand in public, queer rights have come leaps and bounds from where they used to be, particularly in the incredibly democratic state I live in. There are individuals who are being killed daily for their race, gender, sexuality, religion, nationality, ethnicity – any element of identity – and I do not have that same sort of fear. It is not nearly as much of a reality for me as it is for others.

That’s why I uplift and repeat those calls that POC around me say. Those POC, again, are not anti-endos. They are pro-endo, predominately. I’ve also had many “endo uninterested” friends, to quote a few.

I do not like calling anti-endos a hate group because I do not believe they are one.

(Not saying this is the only reason they dislike me, obviously. I’m certain they can find lots of other reasons. But it does seem a recurrent theme that these are the topics that make them the most heated.)

There are many more reasons, you are correct! I do believe that there are some that make me far more heated. I just also don’t think saying them here would be any benefit. I’ve already aired out my issues with you on my completely privated side blog, which nobody can see.

That doesn’t need to be public, and hopefully never will be.

And of course, the SN document which included many outright lies or just massively twisted my past statements.

I tried to display everything I saw from Sophie’s blog as I saw it at the time, based on how the individual who fakeclaimed her read them. This is how they were viewed. That isn’t a lie – that’s how they were interpreted.

Also – I was not the only person who wrote that document. I abandoned that document before finishing it, tossing it to the very few current moderators who were left after working on it for a straight week. I cannot, at this point in time, recall what I wrote on it. For all I know, they bastardized what was written and changed every last word.

(They wouldn’t do that. They cared about getting the truth out as clearly as possible. Everything that was on that document should be the fullest, clearest interpretation of events from our perspectives. Nonetheless – I have no recollection of the details that were written anymore, beyond I think some of the section titles, and the allegations that were directed directly toward me).

I’m so tired of people saying I’m lying about what I read. I’m sorry, now, that I didn’t go back through again while on my vacation in August to link to each and every claim I made, to provide the context of the posts. I’m also glad I prioritized my mental health.

Particularly: if I read things that badly, it’s very clear I was far too triggered to be handling those topics in the first place.

And good lord, yes, everything you said at the end, though I’ll address the reverse as I know I have a wider anti-endo audience on my blog:

Do not fucking send hatred to Sophie. Do not go rallying against her. This is what I said on my callout post about her over a year ago, now. Do not interact with Sophie.

That isn’t about her. It’s about you. (At the time, it might have been about her – I abandoned MotCR for a reason. I was a dick back then, and while I stand by the call to action, I actually don’t necessarily stand by that post any longer. But I very rarely delete posts, so people can hold me accountable).

Sophie’s content often triggers those of us with trauma related to many topics – endogenic systems, tulpamancy, racism, spirituality, hallucinations, religion, and many other topics. She discusses those topics in conjunction with endogenic systems.

Someone who triggers you by talking about something that triggers you is not worthy of harassment. Nobody is worthy of harassment.

Someone you feel is spreading misinformation is not worthy of harassment. Nobody is worthy of harassment.

Stop fucking bringing me up to her! Stop bringing her up to me! I’ve said it so many times! I’ve begged her not to post asks about me in the past, but it’s just. Unavoidable when we share the same spaces, at this point, for us not to see each other’s posts. And when I see things, I address them, because that’s the point of a discourse space.

But you all are only harming everyone by trying to “defend” those you care about. Including those you care about! Have faith that the individuals you are trying to support can support themselves. Dragging my name into people’s inboxes to try and support me only continues drama that I would rather be left well enough alone, buried deep in the amnesic recesses of my mind.

Normalizing hatred toward Sophie will normalize pro-endos sending hate to those they view as Not One Of Them. This has happened before and will happen again if it becomes the norm. Pro-endos have been harassed to deletion and even death. Anti-endos have experienced the same.

Stop fucking doing it.

…

And for the last point, as an aside at the end, I have a genuine question.

How many anti-endo friends do you people think I actually have?

When I mention my anti-endo friends, I typically mean… like… 5. Max. And that number has severely dwindled, both due to the fact that I’ve made a lot more people open to endogenic plurality, and due to the fact that I’ve cut many individuals off.

I do not have many anti-endo friends. And of those friends I have, we don’t really discuss any syscourse. I have, I believe, one anti-endo friend at this point whom I share a server with. We discuss very little as we are both fairly inactive in that server. I believe the most recent discussion was “is it morally okay to steal from a big super market” (yes) and “what should I get for christmas this year” (thanks for the suggestion on the diamond painting, I’m kinda looking forward to it if I get it!)

The majority of anti-endos don’t like me. They don’t interact with me. Those that do often find themselves no longer identifying as anti-endo, or already didn’t blast their syscourse stance everywhere in the first place.

The anti-endos I do associate with are the kind that simply want a space away from Endogenic systems. They admit endos exist. They simply don’t want endos around them, and find that the anti-endo label is a quick and easy way to get endos to stay far away. (Huh, it all circles back to that “we should be more accepting of others, regardless of label” idea…)

Look. At the end of the day, one thing remains true: me and Sophie do not need to get along. She will continue arguing against the takes I make that she disagrees with, and I will continue arguing against hers. Honestly, that is far, far healthier than what was happening when I was trying desperately to avoid mentioning her at all. I feel now that I can actually engage in the discussions happening. There’s a lot of reasons for that -- the biggest I think being that I really could not give a rats ass about this topic anymore. I don’t care about what she posts.

The majority of what she posts nowadays are either vagueposts or takes about plurality, which I think is fine and dandy. It’s not my territory, and if I have problems or thoughts, I’ll typically post them on my own. Which I have been! Remarkably, our takes can often exist in conjunction.

Me and Sophie are not at war with each other. It’s more “you stay in your corner and I’ll stay in mine.”

Please let us keep it that way?

#sophiecourse #pleeeeease let this be the end #I’m so tired of this garbage #beauty and poison go hand in hand #kitty caught the rabbit

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