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adapembroke · 3 years

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Icelandic Sagas and Norse Culture: A Conversation with Jared Juckiewicz

There are some people who are so interesting and knowledgeable about a fascinating subject that I wish it was culturally acceptable to hand them a lectern and microphone in social settings and ask them to give an impromptu lecture. My friend Jared Juckiewicz is one of those people.

Jared’s knowledge of Norse history and culture is legendary in our circle, and it was a privilege to have the opportunity to chat with him about the Icelandic Sagas, Jared's class on the Sagas for Nameless Academy, and why you shouldn't carry a magical banner with a raven on it into battle if you value your life.

Ada: For those who are new to the subject, what are the Sagas?

Jared: So Merriam-Webster defines a saga as “a prose narrative recorded in Iceland in the 12th and 13th centuries of historic or legendary figures and events of the heroic age of Norway and Iceland” which is actually bang on for my definition of the historical Icelandic sagas. (I’d class things like Beowulf and the Nibelungenlied as sagas as well, but epic sagas rather than historical ones.) Most of them are attributed to one writer, an Icelandic gentleman by the name of Snorri Sturlisson, who took advantage of his position in the Icelandic Diocese to record as much of Iceland’s Oral History as he could. Each one is basically the history of one of the important families in Iceland at the time, typically going back a generation or two or three before the settlement of Iceland.

Ada: I’m surprised that the dictionary defines “saga” as Icelandic specifically. I always thought “saga�� was a synonym for “very long poem.” I’m learning something already!

Was there something about the settlement of Iceland that inspired the Icelanders to write down all of these stories, or is it more that more of the oral tradition survived than it otherwise would have because of Snorri?

Jared: I mean, I would definitely quibble with the definition being specific to Iceland myself. But then again, I don’t work for Merriam-Webster, so you know. Not my say.

So, it’s definitely a case that more of the oral tradition survived thanks to Snorri than it otherwise would have. Admittedly, he did impart a lot of his biases to them, given that he was Christian, in fact being heavily involved in Iceland’s organised Church, and a lot of his subject matter predates the Christianisation of Iceland. But it’s less of an issue in the historical sagas than in things like the Eddas. I suspect a part of his motivation is that the 13th Century was around the time we start to see the emergence of true national identities in northern europe, and a recorded history tends to be a large part of those.

Ada: What sorts of challenges do readers have to be aware of accounting for Snorri’s biases, and why are those biases less of an issue with the sagas?

Jared: So the sagas are more of a historical account than the Eddas, which are a record of the icelandic forms of Norse myth. Being a historical account, there’s less room for interpretation, whereas most scholars agree that Snorris Eddas were revised, by him, to make them more palatable to the Church. So when reading the Eddas, it helps to be aware that the person recording them was a Christian, had been raised Christian, and so had certain views regarding morality and cosmology that may have (Read almost certainly did) differ significantly from how the Norse viewed things. Less of an issue with the historical sagas because history is less open to interpretation. His biases may have coloured his description of people’s motivations, but the events are likely accurate, as are the depictions of things like cultural mores and the like.

Ada: What is your story with the sagas? How did you get interested, and what fascinates you about them?

Jared: So, I’ve always had a bit of a fascination with history. When I was at University, a friend dragged me along to a meeting of what became our local Historical Reenactment Society by dint of showing up to class with a wooden shield on his arm and a wooden sword in his belt.

Ada: Best. Marketing. Ever.

Jared: I was hooked. Still am. Anyway, I’m like, 5’7” and am lucky if I weigh more than 120lbs. To be effective on the field of battle, I have to go for a mix of speed, savagery and complete disregard for my own personal safety. Four years of getting referred to as ‘The littlest Berserker that could’ lead to finding out everything I could about said Berserkers, which lead to the Icelandic sagas. They’re great stories. Dry reads, cause, you know, the 13th Century wasn’t known for popular fiction. But they’re very… human. Stories. Like you read them and it’s like “I can understand why that person would respond that way.” The culture is at enough of a remove that it feels fantastical, but because we’re talking about real people, and their emotions and their triumphs and their failings, it’s easy to emphasize with them, I find.

Ada: How did you get from berserkers to the sagas?

Jared: There are a number of sagas where major characters are berserkers, or berserkers are mentioned. Viga-Glums Saga mentions a Berserker who made a living challenging farmers to Holmgangr (a sort of duel where the victor took the losers property. Given they were generally to the death, the loser didn’t tend to object). The eponymous Egil Skallagrimsson is also described as being a Berserker in some translations. As well as a Skald (poet), Sorceror, and what passed for Nobility in his period of Iceland. Part of it is also a dearth of other sources. You have some mention in the Anglo-Saxon chronicle and in similar Scots and Irish records from the time, but they mostly complain about the Norse being evil pagans come to destroy the Christians (When they aren’t complaining that the Vikings only bathe so they can get laid). There’s Adam of Bremen, but he didn’t talk much about the military side of things, which is where berserkers come in, and there’s Ibn Fadhlan, but until recently translations of his manuscripts were a bugger to get a hold of.

Ada: What is it about the sagas that feels fantastical to you?

Jared: Everything is so much… MORE. If that makes sense? Like, there’s an account of a trial in Njall’s Saga where the defense witness perjures himself by libeling one of the victims, and the prosecuting attorney (Who happened to be related to said victim. No conflict of interest, it’s how things were done at the time) responded by impaling the witness, fatally, with a spear throw. And got away with it. They solve their disputes, when talk fails, with broadswords and battle axes.

Ada: It’s like they actually do the things we’re all imagining doing when someone does something that’s completely out of line.

Jared: Certainly the things I imagine doing. Although, I now realise I could explain it easier. Tolkien was a scholar of the Norse Sagas, and drew heavily on some of Snorri’s other works (particularly the Eddas) for the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings. So part of why they feel fantastical is that the definitive work for High Fantasy is based on them.

Ada: Other than weapons, what Tolkienesque things can readers find in the sagas?

Jared: So the sagas are maybe less of an influence on his works than the Eddas, but he drew heavily on the mythology, and there are bits where that crops up in the sagas. There are also references to things like rune-carving as a means of casting spells, and at least one instance of a magic banner. Bear in mind that this was back when magic was an accepted fact of life (in fact at the time, the Catholic Church was heavily involved in magical research. There are guides on things like alchemy and necromancy and rune magic that were written in monasteries at the time). Poetry, I suppose. The Norse were big on poetry.

Ada: I would love to dive into the intersection between history and mythology with you, but I’ll restrain myself. What’s an example of the intersection of history and myth in the sagas?

Jared: The above mentioned magic banner, actually. It crops up in Njall’s Saga and the Orkneyinga Saga, and belonged to the Jarl of Orkney. Jarl Sigurd of Orkney, to be precise. It was a Raven Banner, sewn by his mother, who was reputed to be a Volva, which was a Norse term for a female magic practitioner, particularly one who practiced fibre magics. It was, reputedly, enchanted to draw the attention of Odin and his aid, and whatever army carried it into battle would have victory, but the bearer of the banner would be slain. Well, the Battle of Clontarf in 1014 was particularly hard fought, and after he’d gone through several standard-bearers, none of Sigurd’s companions was willing to pick it up. He informed them that by spurning Odin’s gift, the battle was lost, tied it round his waist like a belt, and led his final charge. Sigurd’s side lost the battle, and the few of his immediate companions were hunted down shortly thereafter by Kari Solmundsson (admittedly for unrelated reasons).

Ada: One of the reasons I wanted to have this conversation with you is because you are going to be teaching a class on the sagas at the Nameless Academy in February.

I’m really excited to have the chance to sit in on your class because you are a person who I regularly want to hand a lectern and microphone because you have so much knowledge and so many stories.

What is this class, and what will you be teaching?

Jared: So the class is called Íslendingasögur 101: Norse Polytheism and Medieval Culture in Icelandic Sagas.It’s a mouthful I know. Really, it’s just an introduction to pre-Christian Iceland. There’s a lot of misinformation floating about regarding the Norse. I’m not going to name any names. *Cough* Wagner *Cough* Victorian England *Cough*

Ahem. Don’t worry, it’s not Covid, I promise.

But no, there’s a lot of misinformation about the Norse out there, and it’s only in the past five or six decades that we’ve started to undo that. The thing is, the corrections started in Academia, and it took three or four decades before accurate information began to be easily available to the general public. So while we’re doing away with the popular image in peoples heads of the ravening barbarian with the horned helmet, it’s slow going.

I’m hoping in future semesters to do guided self-study of some of the Icelandic studies, but because I do not want to spend all my time correcting common misconceptions, I decided to teach this first, so that anyone looking into the sagas themselves, either under the aegis of the Nameless Academy, or by themselves, is doing so with at least a basic understanding of the culture those sagas concern.

Ada: Other than the horned helmet ridiculousness, what is a common misconception that tends to trip up newbies to the sagas?

Law. The Norse had the greatest respect for their Laws, even if they didn’t always follow them. Because of how sparsely settled Iceland was, and given the lack of urbanisation, they didn’t have permanent courthouses like you find nowadays. Instead they all met up at regular intervals at what was known as a ‘Thing’. No that is not a typo, it was actually called a Thing. The big one in Iceland was held at Thingvellir or “Place of the Thing”. “Field of the Thing”? I do not (yet) speak Old Norse and I’ve seen multiple translations. It was sort of a combination of court and county fair, that was opened by a member of the community, the Lawspeaker, reciting a portion of the legal code to all assembled. It was a great honour to be chosen as the Lawspeaker, even if it also meant moderating all the suits.

One of the most famous Sagas (and my personal favourite) actually focuses heavily on the Laws and Legal matters. In fact, more attention is paid in most sagas to legal nitty-gritty than to pitched battles.

Ada: Other than an interest in history, why might people want to take your class?

Jared: Perspective. People don’t change, even if the places and laws and the cultures do. It’s also a conversation piece. I mean, you can back me up on this. I can relate almost anything to the Sagas.

Ada: That is absolutely true. I feel sometimes when you're talking like they're stories that are happening now.

If people wanted to read the Sagas, where do you suggest they start?

Jared: So, if you prefer Dead Tree Editions, most of my hardcopies were released by either Penguin Classics or Oxford University Press. They tend to be older translations, but still very good, and I’ve never had a problem finding them at good second-hand bookstores or my local library. Well. Never had a major problem. And in this time of Covid, if you don’t want to go out or have someone bring a copy to your door. 13th Century is pretty much Public Domain now, so there are a few of the sagas available as ebooks through Project Gutenberg. Alternately, there’s an Icelandic Non-Profit that hosts a website, sagadb.org which hosts all the extant Icelandic sagas in a variety of languages and formats (although not all of them are available in English). If I do manage to lead some guided self-study it’s likely to be the SagaDB translations I use. Amongst other things, they’re free.

Ada: Thank you so much for talking with me, Jared.

How can people who are interested in learning more about you and your class find you?

Jared: So I’m on Tumblr. At present I’m A-Krogan-Skald-And-Bearsark, and if that changes, only the article and the first identifier will change. Admittedly, I don’t curate my Tumblr AT ALL. So there’s a bit of everything on it.

I’m also on Discord, and you can reach me there on the Nameless Academy server as Jared, or on Polytheists or Diviners Anonymous as JehanCriec. Mind you, my internet access can be sporadic, so if you don’t hear back from me right away, don’t take it as a slight, I’m just on a boat and will respond as soon as I get a chance.

#norse #norse pagan #witchblr

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anxceit · 5 years

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just as the milky way dreamed

Summary: Roman and Patton plan a holiday celebration to end all holiday celebrations. There’s just...one small hitch.

Pairings: Platonic DLAMP

Word Count: 5373

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit. Let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Hi there, @minshinxx, I’m your Secret Sanders gifter! You mentioned you liked the 12 Days of Christmas and Fitting In episodes, so I figured I’d do a sort of “include the new family member” type of episode with Deceit! I hope you like it, and let me know if you have trouble accessing the full thing! Title is from “Beautiful Fiction” by Pinnochio-P, which is generally a very good song for Deceit. (Also, thanks to @starlightparade for letting me bounce ideas and for reminding me that I almost forgot the entire last scene.)

Roman hums along to a Christmas station on Spotify as he plans out the tree he wants to conjure this year. He’s been forced to wear headphones after Virgil slammed into his room to inform him that Thanksgiving was YESTERDAY, Princey, calm down, but he’s not letting that Ebenezer Snooze stifle his creative whimsy! It’s the most wonderful time of the year, after all!

A spiral-bound notebook drops with a slam onto his desk. He blinks down at it, up at Patton (who was not there a few seconds ago), and back down at the notebook. “Sanders FamILY Xmas 2018” is written across the cover in loopy handwriting, surrounded by holographic stickers of snowflakes and Christmas trees.

“I had a few ideas for caroling this year,” Patton explains. “It’s not super important, but if you get a chance...”

He’s vibrating.

Roman chuckles and sets his plans aside. “I’d love to see what you came up with,” he assures him.

Patton claps his hands together loudly, rocking on the balls of his feet. “Ooh, goodie! Thanks, Ro!”

Roman flips through the notebook. Patton’s ideas are far more targeted to each side than Roman’s were, including plenty of time off-stage for Virgil and a “beat poetry(?)” section for Logan. Stapled to one of the pages is a recipe for shortbread cookies with jam in the center. Patton has definitely been working on this since long before the holiday season.

He flips to the next page and stops abruptly. “Patton.”

Patton has taken it upon himself to untangle the Christmas lights Roman dragged out of storage this morning. “Yes?” He looks so hopeful, Roman almost hates to ask.

Almost. His Christmas needs to be perfect, and he can’t let a detail like this ruin it. “There’s a whole section in here for...Deceit.”

“Mmhmm! Is it good?”

Roman stares at him. “Is it...Patton. We cannot have Deceit at our celebration.”

Patton’s brows knit together. “Why not? He’s been in videos before.”

“Because,” Roman snaps, frustrated. “He’s Deceit. He’ll ruin everything. This celebration is supposed to be for the family.”

Patton abruptly stands to approach Roman, but gets tangled in the Christmas lights and falls flat on his face. Roman cries out and jumps up to help him.

Patton takes his hand and sits up. He sniffles, rubbing at his eyes as Roman hands him his glasses. “I just don’t want to see anybody get excluded again.”

Roman will not cave. He won’t. Patton is cute, and Roman feels bad that he fell, but Christmas is important. He’s not going to just—

Patton is crying now.

Roman caves. “Alright, fine, Deceit can come to the Christmas celebration.”

Patton launches forward into Roman’s arms, and Roman rubs circles into his back as he calms himself down.

Eventually he sits up straight again, beaming even though his face is still red. “Thank you, Roman! This is going to be great, you’ll see!”

Roman sighs. “Of course it will,” he declares. “After all, you and I are planning it!”

Patton giggles. “We’re the best team, huh?”

“Of course.” Roman hops to his feet and grabs the notebook again. He leans against his desk to read. “You’re right, though,” he says to the page, “we don’t know much about Deceit.”

“He’s a very private person,” Patton agrees. “But we still need to do our best!”

“Of course, of course.” Roman waves him off, wheels starting to turn. “Why don’t you go...get cleaned up a bit, and I’ll do some brainstorming.”

Patton nods. He knows better than to get caught up in Roman’s brainstorming after that time Logan almost got clocked in the head with a book. He sinks out just as things start to rattle.

Three days later, Patton and Roman sit together on Roman’s floor, looking over the revised copy of the planning book. It’s somehow evolved from a simple carol set into a full play, complete with costume ideas and set design. The basic script is written out, too—a cutesy special in which a single nonbeliever is taught the meaning of Christmas by loving friends.

“Oh, you designed costumes and everything,” Patton whispers, turning the pages with admiration. “Roman, this is amazing!”

Roman winks at him. “Why, of course. You did come to the best, after all.”

“Oh, and it’ll let us bring Deceit into the celebration too,” Patton realizes. "This is the best idea ever!"

"This is the worst idea ever," Virgil says. He's staring up at Patton and Roman from the couch, brows knitted together in an incredulous frown. Patton wilts visibly. "I mean, like, no offense, it's cute, it'd be great with just the family..."

"Which we want Deceit to feel part of," Patton reminds him firmly.

There's a beat of silence. "...Anyway, there's no way Deceit will go for this." He scans their faces for understanding. Finding none, he sighs and sits up properly on the couch, dropping the notebook on the coffee table so he can rest his head on his hands. "Listen, Pat, you know how I had to ask you to stop with the cutesy nicknames?"

Patton nods. "I really am sorry, I didn't mean..."

"I know you didn't mean it," Virgil reassures him quickly, "but that's because I knew you for a while beforehand. I knew you weren't trying to be insulting."

Roman lifts up the notebook to scan the page it's flipped open to. "So...you think Jekyll and Lies will believe we're making fun of him?"

"First of all, he's used that pun for himself more times than I can count, so you're not allowed." Roman pouts. "But, uh, yeah, he'll flip his shiiii-lid if you try to talk him into this, and it'll be forever before he speaks to you again."

Patton hangs his head. "...I really wanted this to work out," he admits.

Roman looks from Patton to Virgil, who shifts uncomfortably on the couch. He raises his eyebrows. Virgil shrugs and shakes his head. Roman reaches over and gently pats Patton on the back.

Patton sniffles.

"Okay, alright, fine," Virgil bursts out, "I might be able to figure out a way to make it work, please don't cry."

Patton's head jerks up, bad mood completely cleared. "Let's get started then!"

Logan was only planning to fill his water glass when he came downstairs. Of course, things can never be that simple with a family like his.

The coffee table has completely vanished. In its place, the three members of Logan's family are sitting in a circle around a piece of poster paper, chattering in a low whisper and giggling. As Logan watches, Patton says something so uproariously funny that it causes Virgil to fall on his back with laughter.

Logan walks over to investigate (his first mistake), standing directly over Patton (the second error) in order to check on Virgil.

"Hey, Specs," Virgil greets, without bothering to sit up.

"Am I interrupting something?" Logan asks, tilting his head. "You all seem to be enjoying yourselves."

"Actually..." Roman draws out the last vowel in his typical dramatic manner, grinning. "I think you're just in time to join us."

Logan pauses and waits for further clarification (strike three). Patton takes advantage of his momentary hesitation to reach up and yank him down by his tie.

He refuses to admit to the undignified noise he made in response.

Virgil knocks on Deceit's door, Patton and Roman flanking him on either side. "Hey, Deceit," he calls. "Are you decent in there?"

"Morally?" comes the immediate response. "I'm insulted you even feel the need to ask."

Virgil rolls his eyes good-naturedly and pushes the door open. Patton and Roman follow him in.

Deceit glances up at them with mild interest from his desk. "Oh, Patton and Roman as well! To what do I owe the pleasure? I do hope I'm not in trouble again..."

"We...actually need a small favor," Roman responds. Deceit's eyebrows rise.

"So, uh, every year they do a little Christmas carol...musical...thing," Virgil explains, gesturing to the other two. "Patton and Roman write it, and Logan just gets sucked in. Well, this year they need someone to play a villain role. Roman refuses to do it, Patton won't let me do it—" Patton's back straightens as he nods – "but nobody can take Patton seriously, and Logan...I love him, but he can't act anything but annoyed."

Deceit snorts and leans back in his chair. "I fail to see what this has to do with me."

"We need a villain and you owe us for the stuff you pulled with Patton." Virgil drops a pile of papers on the desk. "That's your script. The performance is in a week."

"Thank you for the help," Patton adds, slowly dragging the other two out of the room as Deceit watches.

"Virgil," he calls, "if you would wait a moment."

Patton and Roman freeze, but Virgil waves them off and strolls back inside alone, shutting the door behind him. Deceit picks up the script and skims through it. He slowly rounds his desk and stalks up to Virgil, backing him up against the door.

He taps Virgil on the nose with the script. "Don't lie to me again," he drawls.

Virgil pushes Deceit's arm aside with a crooked smirk. "Just humor them, okay? They worked hard on this." He opens the door behind him and ducks out again.

"They'd better live up to the hype," Deceit tells him as he leaves.

"Hope you're good at improv!" Virgil calls back, disappearing.

“Isn’t this a bit ambitious?” Logan asks, looking around at the beginnings of the set Roman has been working on. “Last year it was a simple carol, not a musical.”

“And we couldn’t get through that without fighting the whole time,” Roman agrees, “even without Deceit present.”

“...Yes.” Logan stares at Roman where he hangs upside-down from an overarching beam. “So why are we doing something even bigger?”

“Because it’ll be fun!” Patton chirps. Roman gives him a thumbs-up and swings back onto the beam to keep working.

Virgil slams into Deceit’s room without a word. “Virgil?” Deceit asks, startled. “Do you need something?”

“Gotta borrow you for a sec,” is all Virgil offers as explanation before hooking his arms under Deceit’s and lifting him off the ground.

“Virg—what are you—I can—hey!” Virgil drapes Deceit over his shoulder and carries him out of the room. “Was this really necessary?” he mutters into Virgil’s shirt.

“Mmhmm.” Virgil pats him on the back. As he carries him down the stairs, he calls, “I got him!”

“Perfect,” Deceit hears Patton cheer. “Now we can get started!” Virgil drops Deceit on the ground and blithely ignores the vicious glare Deceit turns on him.

All three of the Light Sides are standing in the middle of the living room, staring at him and Virgil. “Get started with what...?”

Patton claps his hands together. “The Secret Santa assignments, of course! It’s so much fun when you don’t know who your gift will be from!”

“...Right,” Deceit says. “Forgive me for repeating myself, but what does this have to do with me?”

“You’re part of the cast!” Patton and Roman chorus. Logan offers Deceit a sympathetic glance.

Roman turns aside to where a small pile of folded scrap paper lies. “Let me just put these all in...”

Virgil cuts him off. “Here, use this.” He swipes Deceit’s hat off his head and hands it to Roman.

“Hey!” Deceit cries. “Give that b—I mean...do what you want.” He crosses his arms tightly over himself.

Patton pouts at Virgil. “Virgil, don’t be mean.” Virgil shrugs.

“Is it alright if we use this?” Roman asks, waving the hat towards Deceit.

“Whatever.”

“...Alright! Let’s get started then!” Roman sweeps the papers up and into the hat, making sure to mix them up well. He then extends it into the center of the circle with a flourish. They all reach in and take a scrap.

Deceit unfolds his paper. As soon as his eyes flash across the name written on it, his face twists into a grimace. Next to him, Logan hums contemplatively.

“Alright, everybody got one?” Roman asks.

Deceit glances up at Roman and nods. Virgil gives him a thumbs-up. Patton, who is nearly vibrating with excitement, sings, “Yup!”

“Nobody got themselves, right?” Silence. “Deceit?”

Deceit rolls his eyes and snips, “Your observational skills are unparalleled, Roman. Of course I got myself. Now, give me that.” He snatches his hat out of Roman’s hand. “If we’re all done here, I have nowhere better to be.” He stalks back upstairs.

They watch him go. Patton leans over to Roman. “That could have gone better,” he murmurs.

“Do you think he’ll actually make a gift?” Logan questions.

Virgil nods. “He will. He won’t be happy about it, but he’ll do it. He’s probably going to try and show Roman up just because he’s irritated.”

Roman chuckles. “I’d like to see him try.”

Roman paces backstage. “I gave him a very specific time to be here so we could all get ready!” he shouts. “Is that really too much to ask?”

Patton bites his lip, glancing at the other two. Logan looks vaguely concerned, at least. Virgil just seems bored. “Virge, should you go get him?”

“Nah, he’ll probably be...oh, there he is.” Virgil glances up just as Deceit breezes into the room, completely unconcerned about his own tardiness.

“Deceit!” Roman cries. “Where have you been? I needed to have you in costume twenty minutes ago so I could make adjustments!”

Deceit gives him a once-over, then glances at the other Sides. Patton and Roman are dressed in matching red-and-green outfits complete with copious amounts of glitter and shoes with bells on the tip. Virgil is in a similar but far less ostentatious outfit, far closer to a formal suit than the almost elvish inspirations of Patton and Roman’s designs. Logan is the only one who looks different. He’s in a deep navy blue outfit with a sheer cape and silver trim.

“What happened to your glitter?” Deceit teases Virgil, who shrugs.

“Didn’t want to be a main role,” he explains simply. “Too embarrassing.”

“I see.” He puts a gloved finger to his chin and turns back to Roman. “Well, as much as I’d love to see what you have prepared for me, I have my own outfit.” He winks at him and vanishes. “See you on stage!”

Roman glares at the spot where he was standing.

“Well, this should be interesting,” Logan whispers to Virgil. Virgil snorts.

Patton falls to his knees in front of a trashed toy shop. Roman runs up next to him, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder as he surveys the damage done to their shop.

Opposite them, Deceit stands on one of the only unbroken tables. He’s wearing a tailored black suit with a green dress shirt, looking the part of a businessman. He gives them a sly smile as he watches their reaction to the destruction he’s caused.

“Who are you?” Roman demands. “Why are you doing this?”

Deceit chuckles. “Oh, my name isn’t that important. I’m just part of a system, after all. And as for why I’m doing this, well...” He shakes his head. “You’ll just have to find out, won’t you?”

“You won’t get away with this,” Roman seethes.

“Oh, won’t I?” Deceit tilts his head. “Try and stop me then.” He steps backward and vanishes in a puff of smoke just as Roman reaches for him.

Patton sniffles behind Roman, who returns to wrap him in a hug. Patton returns the hug, crying into Roman’s shirt, “Our shop...how will we be ready by Christmas now?”

“Not to worry about that,” echoes a voice from behind them. A beam of light shines into the shop, and the wreckage begins to levitate, putting itself back in order as if guided by an invisible force. Patton and Roman whirl around just as Logan strides in, twirling a silver rod between his fingers.

“How did you...?” Patton starts, but Logan cuts him off.

“If you don’t mind, I actually have a request for you two.”

Patton looks down at his new uniform as he and Roman wander a forest path. “Still, isn’t saving Christmas a lot?” he asks doubtfully. “I mean, we’re just toymakers.”

Roman shrugs. “If it falls to us to defend the spirit of the holiday, then I’ll fight with all my power!” he declares. He draws his sword (newly obtained from Logan along with Patton’s) to punctuate the statement, and narrowly misses slashing Virgil in the face as he backs away with a yelp and falls to the ground. Patton gasps and puts a hand to his own sword, and Roman brandishes sword at the interloper. “Who are you?” he demands.

“H-hey, I’m not going to hurt you,” Virgil stutters, leaning away from the sword. “You guys met my boss earlier, right? Green shirt, stupid smirk?” Roman and Patton share a glance and nod. “Well, uh, I want to help you. I don’t like what he’s doing, and I want to try and save Christmas.”

Deceit turns as the trio enters, facing them with a confident smile. “Ah, it seems you’ve caught up to me,” he purrs, “and with one of my own associates, no less.”

Roman and Patton draw their swords. “We won’t let you threaten Christmas any longer!” Roman shouts.

“Really?” Deceit tilts his head and chuckles. “Well then—” he holds out a hand, and a slim silver rapier materializes— “let’s see you try.”

Deceit holds his hands up, allowing his sword to clatter to the ground. “Alright, alright, I concede,” he says. “I, alone, am not strong enough to defeat the three of you.” Roman grins and sheathes his own sword, while Patton drops his entirely in order to run up and hug Roman from behind. Caught up in their celebration, neither of them notice Deceit’s eyes catch on something behind them.

“Don’t you think it’s time to come clean, boss?” he purrs.

There’s a half-second pause, and then the point of a sword presses into Patton’s back. He and Roman both whirl around to find Virgil smirking at them, weapon now aimed at Patton’s heart. His outfit shifts before their eyes to become a perfect mockup of Deceit’s, with a red shirt instead of green.

“Virge?” Patton gasps. “Wh...what are you doing?”

Virgil chuckles darkly, holding his head high to look down on Roman and Patton. “Did you really think I had defected to your side?” he asks mockingly.

Patton and Roman exchange glances. “Um...yes?” Roman says.

“Idiots!” Virgil stabs forward with the sword, and Roman sweeps Patton behind him to shield him. “This ‘Christmas’ you’re protecting is a sham! It’s nothing more than a corporate ploy to force people to spend more money!”

“We’re just trying to bring joy to the world!” Patton defends.

Virgil laughs again, shaking his head slowly. “Wake up! You’re not bringing joy to anyone! You’re just teaching greed!” He stands up straighter, swinging his sword out to the side to punctuate his next statement. “Now, stand down...unless you plan to die for that blind faith of yours.”

“Virgil, no,” Roman hisses.

“Yes, and...” Behind Roman and Patton, Deceit has recollected his weapon and aimed it at the two of them. He purrs, “Now, why don’t you show us that Christmas spirit of yours?”

Roman unsheathes his katana once more, while Patton scrambles for his, but just before they launch into battle Virgil holds up a hand. “One sec.” He turns his head to the side of the stage. “Hey, Lo, you wanna get in on this?”

Logan peeks out from the wings. “Must I?” He produces a copy of the script and leafs through it, frowning. “It seems somewhat contrary to my characterization thus far.”

“You can hit Roman with a sword,” Deceit offers.

There’s a brief pause while Logan considers this. He sighs and drones, “Oh, no, I seem to have fallen under the influence of those dastardly villains.”

“Logan,” Patton cries, “not you too!”

Deceit conjures a rapier and tosses it to Logan. “They were just too convincing,” Logan says, still deadpan even as it lands at his feet. He picks it up robotically.

“Alright,” Virgil says, turning to the other two with a sharp grin. “Now we can get started.”

Midway through the battle, Logan bumps Virgil out of the way to square off against Roman one-on-one. “Listen to me,” he hisses as Roman swings forward at him, “I need everyone to stop fighting. I think I have an idea.”

Roman pauses. “Do something dramatic,” he advises. “That works for me every time.” He rushes past Logan after Virgil once more.

Logan taps his chin, looking up at the ceiling for inspiration. Something dramatic... “Ah.”

The stage lights go out, bathing the room in darkness. A single spotlight cuts through the dark, illuminating Logan alone. “Everyone, please, stop this.” He tosses his own sword aside and spreads his hands outwards. “We’re all fighting for the same thing.”

A second spotlight shines down on Roman. “What are you talking about?” he demands. “They’re trying to destroy everything we’ve worked for!”

“Listen,” Logan says, serene. The light glitters on the silver trim of his jacket. “You’re working to keep Christmas joyful. They aim to rid it of the commercialism which has become so pervasive in its celebration.” He walks up next to Roman and spreads a hand towards him. He gestures with the other at Virgil, who is kneeling in a sudden third light. “Rather than this pointless infighting, would it not be more prudent to join hands and work together to save the season?” Roman and Virgil lock eyes, hesitant. Slowly, Virgil stands and offers a hand to Roman, who shakes it firmly. The stage lights come back on, and Patton dashes across the stage to lift Deceit into a hug.

Snow begins to fall over the five of them.

Patton looks up into it, still holding Deceit’s arm with both hands. “I think this is going to be a good Christmas,” he murmurs.

The curtains fall.

They all drop into the living room, in their normal clothes once more. Patton sidles up next to Roman. “So did everyone have fun?”

“I know I did!” Virgil says, grinning.

“Of course you did,” Roman grumbles, “you take joy in ruining my cre—” Patton elbows him in the side. “I mean...you were very cool on stage.” Virgil grins at him, obviously ignoring the slight.

“It was rather enjoyable,” Logan admits. “What did you think, Deceit?”

Deceit blushes and looks away. “It was...fine.”

“Just fine?” Virgil nudges him, and Deceit slaps his hand away.

“Are we doing this stupid Secret Santa thing or not?” Deceit demands, crossing his arms.

Roman’s face brightens immediately. “Oh! I’ll go first!” He extends his hand with a flourish, and a wooden box appears in his palm. “Patton, I drew your name.”

Patton gently takes the box into his hands, glancing only briefly at the small rod sticking out from the side. “Oh,” he coos, “it’s so pretty!”

Roman grins wider. “Go ahead and open it.”

Patton blinks at him, then undoes the small clasp on the front. When he opens the lid, staccato notes begin to play in a soft rendition of “You Are My Sunshine” as the rod spins.

“It winds itself so that the rhythm stays steady. I think that song is an excellent fit for you, wouldn’t you say...?” Roman trails off. “Patton? Are you crying?”

Patton sniffles and rubs at his eyes. “It’s just...really sweet. Thank you, Roman.” Deceit shoots Virgil an bewildered look. Virgil shrugs.

“Are you okay to keep going?” Logan asks. “Or should we come back to you?”

Patton shakes his head, inhaling sharply. “No, I’m good!” The music box vanishes, presumably to his room, and he puts his hands on his hips. “Let’s keep this party moving! Virge, I got you!”

“Oh!” says Virgil in a vaguely terrified tone. Roman winces in sympathy.

“...So I made you some cookies!” Patton hands a Tupperware container across the circle to Virgil, who pops it open. He pulls out a dark brown cookie and stares at it, puzzled. Patton leans in conspiratorially and whispers, “They’re dark chocolate.”

Virgil snorts suddenly at that. He immediately reels back and covers his mouth, dropping the cookie back into the container. Glancing around at the others to make sure none of them are judging him, he closes the lid and mutters, “Thanks, Pat.” Patton smiles widely at him, and he returns the favor with a crooked grin of his own. “So, I, uh...” He lets the cookies vanish. “I had Logan, and I was trying to think of something practical to give him...”

“Always appreciated,” Logan interjects, nodding.

Virgil hesitates. “Uh...so I ended up deciding on this, because I figured it’d have to come into use sometime. Like, statistically. And stuff. Here.” He hands a small object off to Logan, who flicks it open to reveal a Swiss Army knife.

Logan’s eyebrows rise. “Hm. Interesting.” He pockets it. “You are correct in seeing it as a pragmatic gift, although I hadn’t considered obtaining one myself. Thank you, Virgil.”

Virgil huffs, looking away. “Glad you like it.”

Logan inclines his head in Virgil’s direction, then turns to Deceit. “Well, I received Deceit’s slip.”

Deceit jumps, as though he’d forgotten he’d be receiving a gift in the exchange. “Great.” Logan ignores him.

“Well, I don’t know you particularly well, seeing as you do your best to avoid contact with the four of us, but...considering your reptilian nature, I hope this is satisfactory.”

Deceit catches the yellow stuffed snake Logan tosses him. He stares at it in disbelief. “Really creative, Logan. Nobody’s ever thought of a toy snake before,” he deadpans.

Logan raises an eyebrow and snaps, “Can I finish? I wasn’t finished. Is it okay if I finish?”

“Oh, please, go ahead,” Deceit says, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

“Are you sure?” They glare at each other for a moment. Logan sighs. “As I was about to say, the snake is filled with flaxseed. It can double as a bedwarmer if you microwave it.”

Deceit considers the snake for a moment. “...Alright then,” he concludes, “seems I was correct earlier.”

“Apology accepted,” Logan responds with a smile. “You’re welcome for the gift.” Deceit rolls his eyes at him without malice.

He sighs. “Well, obviously, I didn’t get Roman.” He produces a box wrapped in red paper, with a gold ribbon, and hands it to Roman carefully.

Roman immediately starts to tear into the wrapping, but Deceit hurriedly puts a hand on top of Roman’s. “Don’t...!” Roman gives him a confused look. He sighs. “...Open it when you get to your room.”

“Don’t open it here?” Roman confirms. He looks down at the box and back up at Deceit. “What is it, a bomb?”

Deceit throws his hands up in exasperation. “Yes, of course, I got you a bomb for Christmas.” He gathers the snake under one arm and turns sharply to leave. “If we’re all done here, I’d absolutely love to stay.”

“Aww, come back,” Patton cries. “We were about to have our holiday movie marathon!”

“Have fun with that,” Deceit shoots back. Patton deflates.

Virgil looks up and swings an arm loosely around Patton’s shoulder. “Yeah, I don’t blame you for leaving,” he calls to Deceit’s retreating back. “Patton gets really clingy on movie nights, especially when the weather’s this cold. Must be nice to get some time alone.”

Deceit pauses on the first step. Virgil leans forward and continues, “Sometimes I wake up completely trapped. I guess I’ll deal with it though, since you’re going off on your own.” Patton opens his mouth to say something (apologize for invading Virgil’s personal space?) but Virgil merely winks at him and gestures toward Deceit.

Deceit sighs. “Well, I suppose we all must make sacrifices.” He whirls around, cloak furling outwards. “I’ll stay down here, and see if we can’t lessen that burden on you.”

Virgil puts a hand to his heart. “My hero,” he croons. “Come help me make popcorn then.”

He drags Deceit into the kitchen, leaving the other three Sides to watch in varying states of relief and bewilderment.

“I cannot believe that worked,” Logan whispers to Roman.

Patton claps his hands together joyfully. “What movie should we watch first?”

“The Nightmare Before Christmas,” Virgil and Deceit chorus. Patton gives Roman one final, grateful hug and turns to the DVD stack.

Deceit was gone when they awoke the next morning, disappointing Patton (who had cheerfully cuddled Deceit for as long as he was allowed). He bounced back quickly, though, at the sight of Deceit’s gift to Roman, still lying unopened on the table. He had pressed it into the arms of a barely-awake Roman and shuffled him off to his room to open it alone “since he asked you to, and you should respect that!” Not that it really mattered either way, since Logan was in the kitchen making coffee and Virgil was still asleep upside-down on the couch.

Roman flops down on his bed, bouncing twice on the mattress, and sets to tearing open the wrapping paper. He doesn’t know why Patton’s so excited. Deceit’s so rude all the time! He probably wanted Roman to wait just so that the other Sides wouldn’t see how crappy his gift was.

He tosses the lid off the box and freezes as the contents shine in the light of his room. He lifts the accompanying placard with gentle hands. Written in gold calligraphy, it reads “This seemed the most befitting of your status. Every prince needs one, after all.”

Roman suddenly feels very, very underdressed.

He swaps his pajamas for his proper princely regalia and takes a few seconds to brush out his hair properly. With that settled, he reaches into the box and removes the crown Deceit gifted him, taking a moment to admire the way the inlaid rubies catch the light before setting it carefully on his head.

It’s a perfect fit, naturally.

Roman strides over to the full-length mirror he uses whenever he considers a costume change and spends a few moments trying out different dramatic poses. The weight on his head is strange, but he figures he’ll get used to it after wearing it every single day for the rest of his life. He hides his face in his hands briefly to contain his excitement, then stands up once more and straightens his clothing.

Roman rises up in the living room in his pose of choice (one hand over his head, the other on his hip) and looks out at his family with a smirk. “Hello, nerds.”

Patton lets out the loudest squeal any of them have ever heard in their life.

“Wow,” Logan agrees, pausing midway through a sip of coffee.

Virgil, still lying upside down, raises his eyebrows. “Damn, he really did show you up.”

Roman huffs, refusing to allow Virgil’s gloomy outlook to ruin one of the best gifts he’s ever received. “I prefer to call it creative competition. Anyway, guys, how cool is this?” he gushes. “Look, there’s rubies in it and everything!”

Patton claps his hands to his cheeks. “It’s perfect!” He bounces up to Roman. “Looks like he did the opposite of ruining Christmas, huh?”

“I suppose that’s to be expected,” Logan muses, “since opposites are his whole...thing, so to speak.”

Virgil finally sits up properly. “Well, you have two months ‘til his video anniversary thing you guys do. Better get working.”

“Right!” Roman snaps. “I’ll show him who’s the real creative boss then!”

Logan squints at him. “...It’s obviously you. That’s literally the name of your aspect, I don’t...” Virgil waves him off.

“Before all that,” Patton interjects, “let’s have breakfast! Little princes need a healthy diet, you know!”

Virgil hauls himself off the couch to follow Roman into the kitchen. He stops him just outside and mutters, looking away, “It really does suit you, y’know.”

Roman beams. “Why, thank you, Virgil! It’s rare to receive such a kind compliment from you.”

Virgil’s face goes red even as he scoffs, “Just get in the kitchen already,” and pushes Roman inside to join his family.

#dlamp #sympathetic deceit #deceit sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #my writing #secret sanders

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sanguinarysanguinity · 5 years

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Fic-Writer / Vid-Maker Meme

Tagged by @educatedinyellow and @gailbsanders, thank you!

Author/Vidder Name: sanguinity

Fandoms You Write For: Lately it’s mostly book!verse Hornblower and ACD!Holmes (although the ACD!Holmes is largely behind the scenes with a long-form WIP that I’ve been focusing on). I also write for assorted small Holmesian fandoms as the whim or prompts take me, and I used to write fairly prolifically for Elementary, before that show wore me into the ground with how persistently they don’t care about Joan Watson. I’ve written a fair bit of Strange Empire, some Doctor Who / Torchwood, and quite a few one-offs in random fandoms, from the Oz books to Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Fandoms I Vid For: Mostly one-offs or small batches that overlap with the fandoms I write for: Holmesian multiverse, Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, plus a number of rarer Festivids-qualifying fandoms like The Middleman or Noah’s Arc.

Where You Post Fic: Most of it is on AO3, excepting some three-sentence and five-sentence fics that I’ve never collected.

Where You Post Vids: Variously Vimeo, YouTube, and DailyMotion, depending on who threw a fit about what copyrighted music the week I posted it, but all my vids are listed at AO3.

Most Popular One-Shot: “The Sincerity of Dust,” a BBC Sherlock Mystrade flash-fic I banged out one morning and which then went on to eat Cleveland. It has 1400 kudos and is working on 14,000 hits. Its nearest rival is “Score: Q to 12,″ an Elementary flash-fic featuring Sherlock and Joan playing Calvinscrabble, which performed modestly on AO3 but cleaned up on tumblr to the tune of 1700 notes.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: “Holocene Park,” an Elementary case fic featuring dinosaurs under the streets of New York City. If I’m remembered in the Elementary fandom for anything, it’s probably for this or Calvinscrabble.

Most Popular Vid: “Something Good (Will Come From That),” my Holmes/Watson multiverse vid. It has 10K plays, the AO3 page has 2.5K hits, and the tumblr page has almost 800 notes. It escaped my corner of pseudonym-based AO3-centric fandom and has made the rounds of the Sherlockian scions on Facebook, as well as being rec’d on non-fannish websites in French, German, and Japanese. For a little while there it was making me anxious with how popular it got -- at the height of its popularity, I was worrying my mom was going to email it to me. After it hit it big I almost completely stopped making things for a while, because I was pretty sure that nothing else I made would be even half that good ever again. Happily, that turned out to be a stupid reason to not make things, and so I started making things again.

Favorite Story You Wrote/Vid You Made: Yeah, sorry, no, my brain burns out on “favorite” questions, especially ones that have no criteria. I’ll just refer you to my Fic/Vid Speed-Dating Score Card, which can be construed as a list of my favorite works on various axes, and is still fairly accurate despite being a year old. (Scariest nowadays is probably “Tea for Two,” a Moriarty-centric story from this last round of Holmestice.)

Story You Were Nervous to Post: “Any Service Required,” which is dark Bush/Hornblower porn. I always feel hideously exposed when publishing porn -- I’m nervous about posting it even in the best of cases. But what with this being dark-fic, I was half-expecting the self-appointed morals police who get prescriptive about “healthy” relationships to show up and make a stink. Or along similar lines, I was fearing that followers who are used to a certain kind of thing from me will look at this one, think it base trash, and lose respect for me over it. I’m happy to say that nothing like that has happened so far, and while readership has been light, I’m fine with that: I’d rather a story have a small readership who is genuinely into it than a large readership who isn’t, and I’d like to believe that this story’s small readership is mostly due to people taking a look at the tags and making good decisions about the kind of thing they enjoy reading.

How Do You Choose Your Titles: BY ANY MEANS I CAN MAKE WORK. My preference is to grab a meaningful phrase from the text, but I’ll also use quotes and popular phrases, sometimes straight-up and sometimes with a twist, if it seems a decent fit for the story. Ideally, a title will speak to some deeper truth about the story, but when push comes to shove, I’ll settle for a title that is short, clean, and memorable: basically, anything that I and others can remember without having to look it up all the damn time. (This is my main problem with people using lines of poetry or song lyrics as titles: they tend to register in my brain as generic word salad, and in many cases I couldn’t say without looking it up what the title actually was, let alone what it had to do with the story.)

Do You Outline: For long or complex stories, sure, yes. If there are many scenes or multiple chapters, I tend to jot down a few lines listing out the succession of scenes or chapters; for “The Next World,” whose main body is a long and rambly conversation, I had an outline that listed out every twist and turn of that convo. The outline for “Langstroth on Bees” (WIP, currently 58K) is a monster of a thing, listing out the internal timeline (five years of current action plus another ten of backstory), various promises I’ve made that I need to deliver on, assorted events that I want to remember to include, and rough ideas about where chapter breaks should maybe fall. Given that I’ve been working on that story for five years now, often with breaks from it of nearly a year, that outline has saved my ass. I guarantee you that without it, I would have picked up this story at some point, tried to remember where I was going with it, come up with nothing much, and shelved it permanently. If anything, I really should outline more often -- I have a few long-standing drafts in my WIP folder that I just... don’t remember where I was going with that. I remember that I did have a destination in mind, yes, but what exactly? WHO KNOWS. Btw, my outlines are living documents -- I revise them often, as my understanding of the story develops. In fact, revising the outline is one of many tools for understanding where a story is going and what is still needed to bring it together.

How many of your fanworks are…

Complete: 92 stories or story collections (I have a few AO3 “stories” that are actually collected ficlets from tumblr or Sherlock60), and 26 vids and vidlets,

In-Progress: Nothing published to AO3 -- it makes me crazy to have a partially-published WIP. My drafts folder has 36 partially completed stories in it, and there are probably a half-dozen vids that I started but haven’t finished.

Coming Soon: Four? For various values of “coming soon.” I have two Hornblower stories that are mostly done (one for the Tegmore verse and another for the Kraken verse), and I’ve been working steadily on “Langstroth on Bees” in the hopes that I’ll finish it this year. And I’m signed up for Remix Revival -- whatever I do for that will probably be the very-most-next thing.

Do You Accept Prompts: Yes! Although I have only a 1/3 to 1/2 completion rate on prompts -- I do hope that no one minds that too terribly! But I’ll actively solicit prompts from time to time -- to celebrate something, or if I’m having a shit day and want to turn it around -- and some of my best stuff has come from prompts people have given me. I never ever guarantee filling them (see my above mentioned completion rate), but if someone wants to prompt me something, my ask box is open. Even if the prompt never gets filled, I still get a warm flutter of “They want to play with me!” from it.

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: “Langstroth on Bees,” a 58K-and-counting Holmes/Watson retirement fic that I’ve been working for five years. I added a solid 13K to it this month, and have maybe 20K left to go -- I’m hope-hope-hoping to have it done this year. But I’ve gotten far enough into it that “Langstroth” has finally begun overlapping the territory covered in “From Allegany,” and by the end of this chapter I’ll have passed it entirely. Then I’ll be in unwritten territory, wheee! (Speaking of titles, I never really intended to call this thing “Langstroth on Bees” -- that’s just a working title for my drafts folder. But enough of you now know it by that name that I think I’m going to have to stick with it? So I’m desperately trying to figure out how to justify it. ONE OF MANY THINGS TO DO IN THIS DRAFT.)

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions As Well: @beanarie @quipxotic @phoenixfalls @xserpx @amindamazed And of course anyone else who wants to play!

#my writing #long post #langstroth on bees

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christinaengela · 5 years

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Hello friends and fans!

Welcome to my 34th newsletter – and this time, I think you’ll notice right away that there’s something different about it!

In Brief:

October already? Wow! One of these days it’ll be December and Saturnalia again! 😉 Oktoberfest is on its way – and of course, our favorite festival of the year: Halloween!

In last month’s newsletter I said that this has been one of the busiest, most productive years in writing I’ve had in a long time, and it’s only right that I emphasize that!

That said, this edition of my newsletter also has to be the most intensively updated and detailed one yet! It even has a gorgeous new header image – and lots of extra information!

Let’s carry on, starting with some of the technical background stuff related to my writing!

Discontinuation of the .net website

As I told you last month, the .net website has been discontinued as of mid-September, so please don’t use the christinaengela.net url/link as the redirect to christinaengela.com isn’t expected to work much longer!

I opened the .net site in September 2018 as an experiment, and set up an array of onboard selling tools – but although I finally had just three direct sales from that website during the past year (amounting to a whopping $6 in all that time!) the cost of renewing the service just didn’t justify the expense. I have no intention of renewing the .com domain either when it expires in 2020, since the cost of that via WordPress would be actually three times the renewal cost of the .net through GoDaddy! I will nevertheless do my best to keep all my url mentions updated – hence this reminder!

Updates On Lulu AND Amazon

As you probably are aware, one of the two main service providers I publish through is Lulu.com (the other I use is Smashwords). While both have their fans and their pro’s and cons, Lulu is the only one of the two that distributes to Amazon straight-off – Smashwords wants you to sell a truck-load of a title via their own site, or Apple, or Kobo before they will even consider forwarding it to Amazon! Also, as I mentioned in last month’s newsletter, I’d updated quite a few titles incrementally on Lulu over the past few years, and noticed that inspite of everything I did, Amazon was still displaying some quite old versions of my books that were no longer available, and not updating to the newest versions!

Upon investigation, I complained to Lulu’s help department, and they clarified: it turns out that while I may have updated a project file on a particular book, those changes didn’t reach Amazon. I’m still not sure if this means the process of “revision” on Lulu is automatic and it didn’t work properly in this case, or if the process is not automatic and I’m supposed to notify them to send updated files to Amazon after making changes – they simply didn’t clarify that part – but in the meantime I found a workaround of my own! By that I mean that I undertook the gargantuan task of republishing my books on Lulu not once – but TWICE in the space of a single week!

Let it not be said that I don’t put enough effort into my books! Whew!

The process involved taking down basically ALL my books that are on Lulu, “retiring” them one by one, and then manually republishing each one again – from the beginning, getting new ISBN numbers in the process! As if that wasn’t stressful enough, a few days after completing the updates I received an email from Lulu informing me that this still wasn’t good enough and that I would have to make changes yet again! Hang on a sec – I thought Smashwords was supposed to be the pedantic nitpicking one?

I decided I’d be damned if I was going to change all the covers again to suit them – I wanted the series names on the covers as well, so – groaning and grudgingly, I took all of Galaxii and Quantum down a second time in the space of one week – and republished them again, this time with titles matching the covers EXACTLY! Fortunately, the next morning I received notice that this had done the trick and all Galaxii and Quantum titles had passed Lulu’s evaluation for distribution and had been forwarded to Amazon, Kobo and Barnes & Noble!

I heaved a huge sigh of relief once that was done!

In the meantime, all the titles concerned were still directly available via Lulu’s own shop page, and of course, everywhere else they’re distributed to – Kobo, Barnes & Noble, iBookstore, Smashwords, etc.

All that legwork is now finally behind me, and the newly updated titles that were supposed to have reached Amazon months ago arrived there by the 20th September! But at least, they’re finally there! I was finally able to claim them by clicking “This is my book!” and added them to my Amazon author page! Only then was I able to ask Amazon to link the new editions to previous editions, which will solve the knotty problem of having multiple editions showing side-by-side there!

Still, the drama isn’t quite over yet, as only once this has been done will I be able to update my GoodReads book listing, since their system allows only ISBN/AISN numbers of books being sold on Amazon, and nowhere else!

To make matters even more complicated, somehow in the publishing process over the past couple of years, a duplicate GoodReads author profile got created automatically by some system gremlin or other, and all my current titles are already listed on that site under “Ms. Christina Engela” in duplicate – as they are on Amazon itself – and I can’t claim or add or merge them with my existing GoodReads author user account either! *Head desk!* Perhaps this issue can be resolved if I create a new user account on GoodReads and claim that account… but I still have to get around to it!

I often wonder if aspiring indie authors out there actually knew the amount of work, admin, research, learning, trouble and frustration lying in wait for them, if they’d just give up and not bother! But then, this is my obsession, so it’s not as if I actually have a choice in the matter!

Reviews

“Dead Man’s Hammer” received an amazing 5 star review from UK writer and reviewer, Lee Hall on September 9! I’m not sure how other writers take it, but when I see glowing reports of something I wrote, containing statements like: “As the Quantum series unfolds, it grows more and more impressive“, “Dead Man’s Hammer is proof that Christina Engela can build an established world and insert so many genres into it along with retaining a unique style of writing that not only tributes her influences but has a way of confiding in readers” and “Throughout Engela’s writing style naturally flows and is fun to read“, I feel like breaking out the bubbly and inviting people round to celebrate!

It’s truly gratifying to realize that the reason a reviewer is saying these things, is because they took the time to read something I wrote. It’s also humbling, and I’m very grateful!

It’s probably worth mentioning though, that “Dead Man’s Hammer” has been available since 2006, and this is the very first review I’ve had of that particular title! That alone should serve as an indication of how difficult it is to get reviews as an indie or self-publishing author!

Theo & Yvonne Engela’s Books – New Covers & Formatting

As part of the revision process I told you about in the previous section, I took the opportunity to fix a few things and improve upon the presentation of my parent’s books! I know, I know, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right? Still, I couldn’t help myself! At any rate, what I did was create new covers for my parent’s books to make them stand out more, and also to make them look similar and part of the same series, while also reformatting the interior of the eBook into a more uptodate and modern format – the same as the one I use on all the Galaxii and Quantum books! I think they really pop, don’t you?

Poetry by Wendy K. Engela

A couple of months ago my wife and partner in all things wierd and wonderful, Wendy, published her first book – a collection of her gothic poetry! “Season’s Change“. The collection is now available as an eBook via all the expected places, Amazon, Lulu, Smashwords, and all their distribution partner sites.

Sales & Downloads

Since I made a host of new free promotional items available on Lulu and Smashwords, interest towards the end of July – particularly on Smashwords has been gradually showing signs of improvement. Let’s just say that at least I can detect a pulse! Downloads of my free items are happening, and I feel a little encouraged. On the sales front however, things are still pretty dire. Hopefully they will pick up soon.

Current Writing Projects

Book 7 in Quantum – tentatively operating under the working title “Underground Movement” – is still under way. Just slowly. At the time of last month’s newsletter I told you I’d just reached over 29000 words… and then I peeled some of those off and shifted them to the next title after that’s draft… so “Underground Movement” is currently sitting at just over 21000 words again! Still, it’s all part of the creative process, isn’t it? Right now I’m pondering whether I shouldn’t just merge the next two title’s stories? The story’s finer detail is still evolving and unfolding, so sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the path while I’m distracted by all the scenery! Anyway, when I make my mind up, I’ll let you know!

Translation

As some of you may recall, in 2016 I released Afrikaans translations of “The Thirteenth Ship” and “Wiggle Room“, which like the English originals, were made available as free downloads. These have been updated and made available once again! I also made it a goal back in the day, to get all my fiction works translated into Afrikaans for the local market, but also into a couple of other languages – as far as that was possible! Translation work isn’t easy, as I’m sure you can imagine – translation apps can really mangle the works up, and without a native language-speaker to check these translations I’m still up the creek without a canoe!

That said, I’ve had to rely on volunteers to do it out of their own good will rather than to pay top dollar for paid translation services! All I’ve been able to offer people willing to assist me in this task, is mention of their name in the credits and perhaps to give them a free eBook copy of any one of my paid books upon completion of the job!

Now, before you accuse me of being a skint old duck, please bear in mind that the items I wanted translated were all free sample works for which I wouldn’t get paid anyway! It doesn’t make sense to spend thousands of near-worthless Souf Efikin ronts on something that gets given away for free, does it? That being said, some time ago, a few people volunteered eagerly to translate a couple of short stories, and quietly disappeared, never to be heard from again! This recently was the case as well, with several apparent eager-beavers silently vanishing into the mist! Hopefully, in the long-run I can get some of the novels translated. This is a long-term goal, so I expect progress to be slow.

Communication

I’ve also done my level best recently, to start making a post via my website blog daily and then sharing that across social media instead of posting directly to Facebook, Twitter et al. The goal I’ve kept in mind is to post informative articles about various different characters or elements of my stories – and also to come across to readers as more personable… that is to day, less businesslike and less intimidating. After all, I is human too, and I don’t bite… much! So far, that seems to be helping! Below are links to a few of my most recent posts on The Crow Bar:

The Tech Side #1: A Broad-Spectrum Approach To Sci-fi Storytelling

LGBT Heroes in Galaxii & Quantum – the “G” in LGBT

Secret Weapons of the Resistance: Time Travel, Beck the Badfeller & Cindy-Mei Winter

FAQ’s Answered #13: Who Is Sona Kilroy?

FAQ’s Answered #12: Who Is Cindy-Mei Winter?

FAQ’s Answered #11: What Is The Time Saving Agency?

Storm Area 51! Let’s See Them Aliens! Etc!

FAQ’s Answered #10: Who Is Marsha In “Dead Beckoning” to Blachart?

FAQ’s Answered #9: What Inspired “Prodigal Sun” & “High Steaks”?

Secret Weapons of the Resistance: Fred (the Arborian)

Secret Weapons of the Resistance: Bovine Torpedoes

FAQ’s Answered #8: What Inspired The Akx?

Preserve The Past… Save The Future!

Another Round At The Crow Bar #33 September 2019

FAQ’s Answered #7: What Do I Write About (& Other Questions)

Anyway, let’s move on to some more new releases!

New Releases

Some of you may recall that in 2016 I released Afrikaans translations of “The Thirteenth Ship” and “Wiggle Room“, which like the English originals, were made available as free downloads. These have been updated and made available once again!

Currently Available Titles:

I currently have 22 unique titles available in 4 series (not including the 15 free promotional items).

Alternately, you can view Christina’s books at Amazon, Smashwords, Lulu or Payhip.

Some of Christina’s titles are available in other languages: Afrikaans.

The Galaxii Series