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saltygilmores · 10 months

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls-Season 2 Episode 15-"Lost And Found" Aka Rory Loses Dean's Shitty Bracelet That She Didn't Even Care She Lost , Aka BraceletGate, Aka QuarterOnAStringGate, Part 3

Now for the contiuation of Gilmore Girls 7-10 MInutes At A Time Because That's All I Can Tolerate of Lorelai Gilmore. Or Until I Reach My Max Number of Screen Shots (30).

Where we last left off, we were witnessing the complete miscarriage of justice wrought by AmyShermanPalladino wherein Dean The Butt Forrester is taking Rory to a town wide book sale and sulking like a little bitch while Jess Mariano is stuck slopping some bitch's gutters (and not sulking like a little bitch about it, I might add), some bitch being Lorelai Gilmore. This scenario has to violate some international treaty against war crimes. R: You sure you don't want to look around? DTBF: I did. R: For five minutes. DTBF: It was 20 minutes. Then I stopped. And you continued for another two hours. R: It has not been that long. DTBF: *shows Rory his watch* R: Oh, sorry. Thank you for mansplaining the concept of time to us, Dean The Butt Forrester. Speaking of time, I think it's time for your weekly ButtScout meeting, better get going.

Judging by the four identical BOOKS BOOKS AND MORE BOOKS fliers affixed to the same door, I'd venture to guess there is a book sale going on. Maybe I'm wrong. Dean:

EVERY GOD DAMN TIME. DEAN "WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME" FORRESTER! AND LORD OF THE RINGS IS LIKE FOUR HOURS LONG. THIS DOES NOT SEEM LIKE AN EVEN EXCHANGE, DEAN THE BUTT. WHY AM I SHOUTING. I JUST HATE DEAN THE BUTT FORRESTER SO MUCH. Well, if it means Dean shuts up for four hours (if he doesn't talk through the entire movie) maybe it would be a welcome relief for Rory. Crossroads with Brtiney Spears came out the week before this episode aired. This movie is 1 hour and 34 minutes long. Rory, follow my instructions very closely: open one of those books, place DTBF's hand in between the pages, and slam down. Enjoy his screams of agony. You're welcome. Rory, struggling to juggle an armload of books that DTBF isn't offering to help her carry, goes into Don't Make Dean Angry/ Don't Drop The Books mode and agrees to go. But the tone of her "Ok" wasn't pleasing to DTB and he snaps back with a WHAT? I thought you liked Lord of the Rings.

No, I think you misheard the girl. What she actually said was "I want to see your genitals crushed with a lawnmower 100 times so you can never reproduce or have sex with Lorelai again" Oh, that was me, sorry.

Love Rory in this moment. Here's your crown, your majesty 👑

.......

Who could have ever predicted the answer to that question, huh. Dean is a sub-humanoid butt astronaut. Jess Mariano would NEVER just sit back and watch as Rory walked around struggling to carry things.

Oh god, it's all down hill from here people. The bracelet has escaped. I repeat, the bracelet has escaped.

DTBF: Where's your bracelet? You're not wearing your bracelet. Where is it? R: I took it off. DTBF: Why? R: Because I got a rash. Well, that's what happens when you wear a bracelet made out of a quarter on a string. Who knows what sorts of bacteria were lurking in the payphone that Dean fished it out of?

Simpsons and Gilmore Girls are such a winning combination. Rory looks terrified at how Dean might potentially react to her losing some cheap ass gumball machine bracelet. How would he react if she actually lost a gift worth more than 25 cents? (irrelevant, he would never gift her anything worth more than that). Joke's on her, it's going to be her Mom who really loses her shit about the cereal box bracelet.

Oh this does not sound good. "You go browse the astronomy section, we'll see Lord of the Rings and then watch Autumn in New York later and mock it all afternoon." Lord Of The Rings, Fellowship of the Rings: 2hr 58 minutes Autumn in New York: 1hr 43 minutes Browsing the Astronomy Section, Possibly To Research What Distant Black Hole Her Boyfriend Emerged From: 5-10 minutes probably. In the Dean the Butt universe, everything benefits him in the end. Me, me, me. Sure he was married, but I'll say this about Rory, still kinda proud of her that she makes him wait over four years until she finally put out. If he was a little nicer maybe Rory would at least give him a handy or even two during the 3 hour movie. (ps, where did they go to watch AINY if Lorelai was at home with Jess? Did poor Rory get stuck spending the afternoon in the Forrester living room, with Clara interrupting and Dean's parents in the next room audibly discussing with one another how their son was an unfortunate accident that should have been left at the local Safe Haven unwanted infant drop off, and now Rory can't even hear the movie?) Rory agrees to this "deal" just to shut Dean up, a deal which benefits her in no way whatsoever.

A double dose of nightmare fuel for ya'll so you can suffer alongside me. When you have to say "I'm not bored" to convince someone you're not bored... Moments ago Kirk was haggling with Gypsy over saving a nickel on a used book for charity and Kirk still comes out looking like a shrewder bargainer than Dean.

You know, it's a good thing they serve nutritious lunches at Chilton (even if Rory only chooses to eat two slices of white bread most of the time) and that there are restaurants nearby who cater to the Gilmores even though they never pay for their food, because otherwise Lorelai's child would be subsisting on a diet of Ragu sauce, salsa, Triscuit, and Coke (with lemon). I guess it's marginally better than what Jess would find when he opened Liz's fridge as a child. Roaches and empty promises. Now you're sad. I'm taking you all down with me on this sinking ship of an episode, damn it. My will to live watching another one of these DALA (Dean And Lorelai Affair/Dean And Lorelai are Assholes/ Dean And Lorelai are having Anal sex with each other) episodes is kind of like the Titan submersible. Quickly imploded after a short descent. Nothing remaining. Mere atoms scattered into vast nothingness. Gone. It's so much worse when you've seen the show multiple times and already know that Lorelai's "goodwill" towards Jess in the next scene goes down as quickly as Lorelai goes down on Dean after he helps her change her water dispenser. We see Lor looking around and listening suspiciously, as Lorelais do when Jesses are in their house. Not hearing any sounds of gutter-slopping, she slips outside.

This whole god damn episode exists because this smol infant just had to pick up that fucking quarter on a string. Why didn't you leave it on the bridge or return it Rory?! Why Jesstopher, why? I hate you right now. Your actions have consequences! People (me) are in pain. Don't you even care? Lorelai: Jess? Jess to Lorelai who treats him like shit: I'm sorry, was I being too loud? Stop being so nice. Ugh. Lorelai offers Jess some cold crappy leftovers. Figuring she probably put arsenic in his take out container, he politely declines, but then a second later he changes his mind, probably figuring death by eggroll sounds more peaceful than continuing to slop this bitch's gutters all afternoon.

Do you ever just want to get inside Jess Mariano's mind? I desperately want to know what he's thinking here after Lorelai says she and Rory ordered every chicken item on the Chinese restaurant menu in one night. I'm just saying, that "ambitious" is loaded.

Lorelai gets out the special plates reserved for special Poisoning occasions.

I'm probably the only person who gets a small chuckle every time Jess is offered meat (see also: a hot dog) knowing Milo Ventimiglia is a lifelong vegetarian, so I like to pretend Jess is a vegetarian as well.

L: "We have Garlic chicken, kung pao chicken, Szechuan chicken, chicken in brown sauce." All those poor chickens gave their lives just to end up feeding Lorelai Gilmore, isn't that a pity. (PETA, pay me for your new slogan). L to J: This chicken has these hot peppers in them, if you eat them, you'll die.

But enough about your fantasies again, Lorelai. Jess politely accepts some food, offers to wash his hands before eating, gently chides Lorelai about how the Gilmores neglect their basic nutrition and home repairs, suggests he found a bumper sticker from the 1950's in her gutter, all in good fun, proceeds to have a perfectly nice if awkward conversation with this bitch who doesn't deserve it. We know Lorelai is going to erase the memory of this impeccably polite behavior from her mind in a few moments after Braceletgate gets underway. Sorry Jess, you can't win. You try to be nice, she tries to poison your food, and failing that screams at you for taking her daughter's quarter on a string given to her by a Butt named Dean. 14 years later she's married into your family and still saying someone should throw a football at your face. Not even worth trying to curry her favor. Just be yourself, hunny.

Just admiring his gigantic watch. #AdmireTheBaby #ThePeppersAreTainted

#AdmireTheBaby Lorelai plays "Geting to know Jess" and we find out some obvious things. School is "still there" and he's not involved in any after school activities and he would like to throw a ball at an athlete's head. Well, of course he has no extra cirriculars. He spends all of his free time being underpaid by his uncle to work in the diner. What extra cirriculars do you think Jess might enjoy? Let me know in the replies.

It's okay, my little socially anxious baby, we still love you. I won't ever make a "Wow this thing knows how to talk" Lorelai-style remark. I can promise you that. I've been on the end of those comments and they hurt. I love seeing Milo eat with his crooked lip. Yes, I feel bad for him, after he said half his mouth is scar tissue from biting his lip so much while trying to eat, and he doesn't even feel it anymore. That being said, I still love him eating food vertically like he's gonna deep throat it. Egg rolls, hot dogs, popsicles and string cheese. The Milo is about to feast. Let's watch.

Beautiful end to this part of my recap. CHOMP! To be continued.

#denise rewatches gilmore girls #gilmore girls #rory gilmore #dean the butt #dean the butt forrester #anti dean forrester #dean forrester is sewage #sorry to insult the sewage #gilmore girls season 2 #lost and found #milo ventimiglia #milo ventimiglia eating #some bitch and her clogged gutters #sticking to my theory that Lorelai wants Jess out of the picture because if Rory dates him Dean will stop visiting #DALA #Dean and Lorelai Affair

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hermanunworthy · 10 months

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!DNDADS S2 EP38 SPOILERS!

i cant believe its already time for another episode. so scared about this one i have no idea whats gonna happen. lets go!

- WHY IS BETH BRITISH

- LITTLE CAESARS I WORK THERE omg me reference in dndads

- THE JOKES IN THE INTRO ARE SO GOOD

- TAYLOR SWIFT A KILLER AT HEART.

- taylor considers scary his close friend awww

- MATT STOP IT W THE BITTERSWEET LINC FACTS ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP W HIS DADS!!! IM SAD

- NORMAL IS A HEELYS KID love that. oh my god just imagine the school mascot just rolling through the halls thats kinda terrifying actually

- I BETTER ACTUALLY SEE BETH IN HEELYS AND FREDDIE IN HIGH HEELS AT THE LIVE SHOW

- im sorry. i just went to the discord to talk about this^ but then saw SUCH A CRAZY SPOILER

- NOOO THE SCARY FACT

- ITS STARTING. MY STOMACH HURTS IM NERVY

- TEAM LOVE WE CAN DO THIS. WE CAN DO THIS (im biting my nails nervously)

- WHY IS MATT ASKING ABOUT THE MARRIAGE RN

- OH FUCK SCARY DOESNT KNOW ABOUT THE MARRIAGE HELPP

- NAT 20??? MY JAW FUCKING DROPPED

- TEAM LOVE LETS FUCKING GOOOOO (im miserable about lincoln and grant)

- oh god sparrow what could u possibly say rn to try to make this better.

- LARK COULDVE KILLED LINC???

- will mentioning batman is making me wonder where hermie is. im insane

- "i dont want a dad!" WAAAAAA 😭

- i KNEW this whole start of the episode would be awkward as hell lmao

- gothcleats....

- HEMRIE AND NICKY!!!! HERMIE AND NICKY!!!!! i actually screamed my bad

- NICKY AS THE LEADER LETS FUCKING GOOOO

- scary applogizing???

- going back to the church of the doodler oh god this is happening

- THE CATBUS!!! THE PUSSYWAGON!!!! YESSS

- anthony w the cat facts so cute

- i cant BELIEVE how far along in the season we are. this is insane. oh my god

- GRANT BROUGHT THE BABY MONITERS :[

- oh the mayor finally has a name now!

- WILLYS IN THERE GODDD

- im so nervous WHATS GONNA HAPPEN

- CAN SOMEONE PLZ DO FANART OF THE STAINED GLASS WINDOW

- STFU WILLY!!!!

- ME WHEN BLUE AND RED SYMBOLISM -deranged yttd fan

- YES FUCKING KILL HIM!!!!

- FOR ONCE. FOR ONCE. NORMAL IS CHOOSING VIOLENCE AND HATE OVER LOVE AND FORGIVENESS. DESERVED.

- CAN WILLY FUCKING PROJECT DAMAGE TO HIM TO OTHER PEOPLE??? THATS FUUUUUCKED MAN

- NO. NO. WILLY DID NOT...... WILLY IS TAYLORS STEPDAD NOW. WTF.

- WILLY IS A STEPDAD NOW. I AM GOING TO THROW UP.

- NOOOOOO I HATE THIS SO BAD THIS IS THE WORSTTTT I HATE WILLY STAMPLER

- im still biting my nails im SO SCARED

- SCARY TRYING TO SCARE WILLY RON STYLE YESSSS

- *HERMIE*S GONNA TRY TO GRAPPLE WILLY????

- NICKY COMPLETELY FUCKING UP THE PLAN LMAOOO

- 10 MINUTES LEFT.... HOW ARE THEY GONNA PULL THROUGH

- 11:11 the teens are gonna pull through!!

- SCARYS IN THE CHAIR OH GOD OH GOD

- THE DOODLER IS FREE. ITS THERE. OH MY LORDY LORD

- THIS IS GONNA BE THE MOST IMPORTANT DICE ROLL OF THE WHOLE SEASON. FUUUUCK

- i have it paused. i swear. to FUCKING god. if its a 1.

- THE DOODLERS GONNA SPEAK OH MY LORD

- YESSSSSSSSS LOVE WINS!!!!!!!

#dndads #dndads spoilers #dndads s2 spoilers #siren says

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aboatwithlegs · 6 months

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An Objectively Correct Rewrite of The Arthur Finale

'Sup nerds and nerdinos, I have a problem with Arthur.

No, not Arthur Koestler (though no one with CBE after their name escapes my wrath on principle alone). I'm talking about Arthur Read, the autistic aardvark who dresses like an 8 year old Mr. Rogers and somehow still has more friends than you.

But my problem isn't with the twerp's fashion sence, it's with Season 25, Episode 4b: All Grown Up, aka Arthur's final episode. The very moment it released in 2022 the ground quaked, the oceans roared, the angels wept as the sky tore asunder and God Themself¹ decended to personsally task me with rewriting it. I said I'd get around to it.

Babies and mentlegen, that day is today because I have nothing better to do.

TW: SA, drugs, death, TERFs, student loans

The Correct Futures

The only thing you need to know about the old version is that they got old, cuz we're scrapping all of it aside from that. The adult versions of each characters was so far removed from the actual futures of these characters that I am personally insulted and have filed with my lawyer to see everyone responsible for it given a restraining order. So we gotta fix that. This episode here is gonna be a feature-length anthology film. Every character gets a 5-10 minute sequence where we see how the next 20 years of their life unfold. I'm gonna put them in alphabetical order because the only one who can tell me what to do is my talking cat. Oh, and remember: Habrá Examen, Langosta Perezosa! ***~~~*** ***~~~***

Alan "Brain" Powers: Goes to MIT and finds that, after being "The Brain" for so many years, he is suddenly just average. It's such a shock to his ego that he begins to instinctively lash out at everything he finds unfamiliar, eventually dropping out and becoming a moderately successful right-wing podcaster and youtuber.

Arthur Read: Our boy grows up to be a perpetual grad student (English major, of course). He pays the rent as a TA and is so terrified of the world outside of academia that he finds comfort spending quiet evenings in, grading papers from the comfort of his dingy bachelor apartment. He lives off instant ramen and spends most of his free time escaping into his books. He sometimes daydreams of getting a "real job", owning a house, and raising a family like his parents did, but dismisses it as too idealistic.

Buster Baxter: Eventually gets Diagnosed with ADHD and an Adderall prescription changes his life. He starts excelling in school and fixates on a dream of becoming an indie film director. At age 14 he is diagnosed with a brain tumor, and a few weeks after his 17th birthday his dying wish is fulfilled when his ashes are sent to space². Every year that passes his friends take a little longer to remember his name.

D.W. Read: Develops symptoms of BPD and a coke addiction. At age 16 she uses a fake I.D. to get a job as a stripper until her cousin Ryder recognises her mid-lap dance. She spends a year in juvie and drops out of high school. She drops by the Read household every few months to ask for money, but the rest of the time no one knows where she is.

Fern & George Walters: Fern and George marry when they are both 18, he takes her last name. She is a stay-at-home mother raising their two young children, writing BDSM-fueled erotic fiction while the kids are at school. George keeps the bills paid with a steady office job as a software engineer and maintains a healthy work-life balance to ensure he's present for his family. They've never left Elwood and wouldn't have it any other way.

Frank Frensky: Frank (still going by "Francine") goes through an extended period of identifying as a butch lesbian before finally coming out as trans-masc. When he finally transitions it involves cutting off his family and moving out of state to start fresh. He plays drums in an underground queercore collective and self-publishes a zine featuring semi-biographical comics about a young boy growing up in Elwood.

Jenna Morgan: Disappears under mysterious circumstances. No one notices for 7 years, which then sparks a city-wide furvor as everyone tries to investigate the disappearance at once. Later found to have not actually gone anywhere.

Muffy Crosswire: Dates Frank ("Francine") for most of high school. Muffy ends the relationship when Frank comes out as trans and gets deep into TERF circles. After graduating Yale and getting her LLM in constitutional law she enters state-level politics as an openly queer Republican. She uses LGBTQ+ and Feminist talking points to advance a far-right cryptofascist agenda and is generally considered to be "one of the good ones" by both parties.

Prunella Deegan: A naturopathic wellness-coach with extensive collections of both healing crystals and cats. Her entire segment is an extended anti-vax rant with hippy aphorisms sprinkled throughout. Enthusiastically voted for Muffy.

Shelley "Binky" Barnes: His mother begins an extended affair with Pickles the Clown, leading the already-distant Mr. Barnes to file for divorce. Binky is left in his mother's care, but she soon finds him too much to handle, especially with how little he seems to respect his new step-father. He is passed around various aunts and uncles for most of his adolescent life and begins to act out at school as a result, earning him a reputation as a troublemaker. When he's sixteen he attends a house party and finds Sue Ellen alone in a room with the dead body of a boy from their class. She frantically explains that he was trying to assault her and hit his head on something after she pushed him off. Binky opts to take the fall for her, stating to police that he punched the boy in jealousy. He is sentenced to 10 years in prison for aggravated assault and 3rd degree murder. Even while in prison he maintains a close friendship - bordering on romance - with Sue Ellen, but he insists that she not wait for him because he wants her to be happy and loved. A week after his release he is arrested for armed robbery. Officers report that the suspect seemed relieved when they arrived, and said something to the effect of "I'm going home".

Sue Ellen Armstrong: Sue Ellen becomes an ardent activist in middle school and is a regular face at demonstrations and community support orgs alike all throughout high school. When she's 16 a boy tries to force himself on her at a house party and she fights him off, accidentally snapping his neck and killing him instantly. Binky perjurs himself in order to take the fall for her. As the years pass, Sue Ellen gets burned out as an activist and instead works as a graphic designer for NPOs. She continues to visit Binky in prison and considers him her one true love, though he insists they can never be because she deserves someone who can be there for her. Sue Ellen never commits to a serious relationship, but does occasionally entertain casual encounters with older, often married, men. Occasionally speedruns Virtual Goose: Unleashed on Twitch.

Third Grade Male Rat #1: Killed in an altercation after sexually assaulting Sue Ellen. Is mourned by no one.

No one.

So yeah, I think that's pretty much it. Make it hand-drawn, black-and-white, and have it on my desk in an hour kthxbi

#¹The Catholic God is three persons in one and therefore canonically uses They/Them pronouns when referred to in totality #²The ~$5000 cost is raised via a fundraiser held by the school and Bitzi Baxter selling Buster's film gear #arthur read #writeblr #unintelligible goblin noises

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marshmallow--3 · 1 year

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Okay let's find some way to unwrap this dream

Irl, I woke up around 9ish am, watched some Facebook clips of American shows (Drop Dead Diva & Law and Order: SVU) that I don't have access to, then it got to about noon and I realised I was still tired, so I had an internal debate of whether I should listen to my body bc it kept passing out and abruptly waking up, or if I should be sensible bc if I went to sleep then, I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight for work tomorrow

I decided to nap for 20 minutes, woke up after 20 minutes and decided I was still tired

So I went back to sleep and would keep waking up abruptly, so I had lots of quick succession flashes of the same dream and it's super interesting

The dream:

There was a young girl, aged 7 at most, on trial for murder

She wasn't physically present at court but spoke through a purple children's toy called Ayuda (Spanish: "help")

And she attested that she was in a nurse's office and a man dressed like Santa walked in - she was very clear that the man wasn't really Santa, he was just the nurse's husband dressed up like Santa

Then she had a blackout episode

Then she woke up covered in blood with a bloody knife in her hands, the nurse was dead, she'd been viciously stabbed to death, and the man dressed like Santa was looking terrified on the opposite side of the room, also covered in blood

But in court, the man was attesting that he was the real Mr Santa Claus and his wife was also present confirming her identity as the real Mrs Claus

The girl had a blackout episode so she couldn't confirm for sure what happened, but she knows she didn't kill the nurse, and experts are saying that the force used to stab the nurse could only come from an adult

Mr Claus was saying he was in the office the whole time and saw the little girl stab the nurse to death

So it's a trial of, who did this? This little girl or this man claiming to be the real Santa Claus?

And then later, there was a call with this little girl through Ayuda, because she's actually part of a sect (cults are for cunts with cash, sects are separate from society, I learnt this in Sociology & RE) and was kidnapped from home; one of the investigating agents said, "you're really brave, I'm glad you want to be free", and the little girl replied, "no, you only think I do", and then the call went dead - also it was never her real voice coming through, it was programmed to sound like the toy's voice, so it's this cheerful robotic voice coming from the toy

And then later it was revealed that monsters exist amongst humans

There was a woman who was a suspect, she was believed to be a monster who didn't actually need a heart to live and fed off violence and human souls

So she was tricked by some civilians who are the teenage kids of the investigating agents to undergo heart surgery

They tricked her because they removed the heart entirely and woke her up, told her that everything was fixed - her heart was left on the table and her chest was still wide open - but she just smiled and tried to pass as authentically grateful for saving her life, and there's no indication at all that she feels pain or any sensations at all

And then the teenagers are like, "one more thing, look down"

And she does, and sees her chest cavity is empty and that her ribs are still cracked open and her insides are on show

And she takes her time looking up, looking from under her eyebrows and a grin starts to form and she says one word, "Oops" before launching herself at them in attack

And then there were another part of the teenage group who found out that one of their friends had been staging clues around the detectives, pretending that the little girl had been in contact, and they referred to the toy they'd left as Bebéita (Spanish(?): Little baby)

So they took their friend before the detectives to clear things up, and the detectives withheld information to see if she were the real deal anyway, they raised their voice and lowered their voice, because they knew from investigating what effect this had on the voice of the little girl

And this teenager projected the little girl's voice through her and followed exactly what the detectives where expecting even though she didn't know what effects there would be to falsify it

Anyway so you'd think that no-heart murder lady was the real murderer but she's actually only a follower

The truth of the case is that the little girl had murdered the nurse in the sense that it was her body used, but a dark spirit possessed her to do it

The real murderer was this floating purple plasma body

And some scenes that stick out:

The no-heart murder lady had intended to murder one of the detectives but the detective came back from the dead because she also had monster powers but no-heart murder lady did not know this

The little girl and the purple plasma murder blob were always watching the detectives from across the city and the detectives knew this so whenever they stepped outside, they were just like

even with a kid's playground near the precinct 😂

Fun dream, fun times

#my dream #my dreams #quirky dream #quirky dreams

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butwhyduh · 3 years

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Fit to be Tied

Jason Todd x reader

Warning: Christmas? And the f word.

Christmas series 2

Jason didn’t pay much attention to holidays. Nope. That was for the living. He didn’t have much of need for it. But he did know that Christmas was quiet and New Years was busy for patrol. He guessed everyone ate Christmas dinner and and then got bored of playing nice. Or maybe that just wanted to start the new year with a big ass bang. Who knows?

Even when he was a kid, he didn’t celebrate the holidays. Too poor, mom too lost in drugs, and dad? Well fuck him. He was a piece of shit when he was around.

Jason kicked a beer can out of his way into the pile of trash on the sidewalk. They didn’t get the trash again this week it looked like. Daddy Bruce could play bat but couldn’t throw his money around enough to keep trash from piling on the street.

It was fine. He had more important things to do anyways. He had to buy a Christmas present. He didn’t care for the holidays but the sweet girl he had at home was a doll and fuck, if she didn’t deserve something. So Jason went down to the local pawn shop. Usually not a problem but it was 2 AM. Not exactly prime business hours.

So yes, Red Hood was breaking into a pawn shop to get a bracelet. He was leaving cash, $20 over the cost too. It was something you had seen earlier in the week and had admired. Gems of some kind shaped to look like a butterfly. You’d taken a minute longer to stare at it.

He left as quick as he came. And it wasn’t long until he was opening the window of your apartment dressed in street clothes. You were asleep. Jason had used the excuse of patrol to get out. But in the early morning hours of Christmas, he wanted to wake you.

“Princess,” he said gently. You moved a little before opening your eyes. You smiled up at him. Fuck, he didn’t deserve the way you looked at him. Your eyes looked so innocent and sweet. You never looked at him like he scared you.

“Jaybird, what’s going on?”

“I got you something for Christmas and it’s technically Christmas..” he said pulling out the box. You sat up, curious.

“It’s Christmas Eve. You got me something? I didn’t think we were- I didn’t get anything. I couldn’t-“ you said turning red. Money was too tight to consider it. The fact that the heat was still on this late in the month was a Christmas miracle.

“No no. It’s fine. Just being here is enough for me. I’ve never really celebrated Christmas anyways,” Jason said pushing the box in your hand. You held the box before kissing him.

You opened the box to see the bracelet you had been looking at the pawn shop. You smiled and stared at the pretty little butterfly. Jason watched you carefully for a reaction. He’d never admit it but he was more nervous now than fighting on the street.

“You saw me looking at it. I didn’t think you’d notice,” you murmured softly as you picked it up. Jason took it and wrapped it around your wrist. He clasped it on and you looked at it, moving your wrist in the light.

“Thank you. It’s beautiful,” you said quietly looking at it. You had a little grin on your face. Jason smiled. That’s the look he wanted. That little bit of happiness that you showed when you were really pleased. He intertwined his fingers in yours.

“Princess, you’re so cold,” Jason said with a frown. He could feel it colder outside but now that he was getting used to the temperature, it wasn’t warm as it should be.

“The heater was acting up again so I turned it down. The blankets are plenty warm,” you said and his heart all but broke. There was no way he was going to let you be cold all winter because the landlord wouldn’t fix things. He might pay this guy a visit. You sensed his anger.

“It’s okay, Jay. Come lay with me and get warm,” you said taking his hands. He let you pull him into bed. He kicked off his pants and shoes and laid on his side. You curled into him as a little spoon. His long big frame all but engulfed you. It always felt to protective. If he was holding you, he knew you were safe. Jason ran his fingers along your bracelet soft as his rough fingers could.

“You’re so good to me,” you said softly and his heart clenched again. Fuck, if you knew all the bad he did. His messed up past. He thought you would have run away when you first learned he was Red Hood but no, you had been kind.

“Naw, Princess you deserve more then this shitty place,” he said, and for the first time, he felt a little bad about giving all of his trust fund to the soup kitchen he would visit as a kid. A little would have been nice to get a better place for you. But he had been making a ton crushing the drug trade at the time and didn’t have a girl back home when he did it. He couldn’t be as reckless now.

You turned in his arms to look in his blue eyes. He has such an intense look on his face that you frowned. “Jaybird, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said pulling his face back to normal. “Just thinking. I wanna move you to a better place, a safer place than this,” he said running his thumb across your cheeks. You grasped his wrist and leaned into his touch. Jason would sometimes get like that. Thinking you deserved better. And you humored him even though you wouldn’t even know what to do with wealth.

“We’re moving. Soon. I’m promising now,” he said thinking about the painful conversation he was going to have with Bruce. His adoptive father he hadn’t even told you about. Bruce would do just about anything Jason asked. Probably the guilt of letting him die.

“But Jay, we’d miss the water that went from boiling to freezing at random. And I’m not sure if I can sleep without Mr and Mrs Jancowski having sex every Tuesday at 2 AM,” you said with a smile. He kissed you to shut you up. You were joking but each one felt like a little knife in his guilt. You pulled him over you and the thought of money troubles faded from your mind.

———————————————

Jason woke before you and watched you sleep. You laid on his chest with your hand in his hair and your soft breath on his throat. The bracelet was still on your wrist. You looked so peaceful, trusted him while you slept. Jason carefully grabbed his phone and texted Alfred. He’d also have to tell you about his adoptive family. His very famous adoptive family.

He threaded his fingers in your hand that was flung across his waist. You began to stir. Jason moved hair from your face and you blinked to see his pale blue eyes watching you.

“Morning, Princess,” he said with a rough morning voice. You smiled.

“Morning, Jaybird.”

“I’ve got something to tell you,” he started. “I want you to meet my family tonight.”

“Tonight? Your family? I thought your parents...” you trailed off.

“I was adopted. I never told you because I don’t have the best relationship with them. But I think it’s time for you to meet them. I’ve got to tell you something else,” he said and you could hear his heart beat quicker as you laid on him.

“My adoptive father is Bruce Wayne.”

Silence.

“You’re shitting me.”

“Nope. And tonight I’m taking you to meet him. And my adoptive siblings.”

“You aren’t joking,” you said sitting up. Jason sat up too.

“I’m not. I’m kinda the... black sheep of the family. He adopted me when I was 12. I was trying to boost the wheels from the b- Bentley he was driving,” Jason corrected. It was one thing to tell you he was Red Hood. He couldn’t say Bruce Wayne was Batman.

“Wow. I- wow. Okay. That’s a lot to take in. Also on brand to be honest,” you said and he smiled and shrugged.

“Wait. What the fuck do you wear to the freaking Wayne manor for Christmas Eve?” You said a little panicky.

“Whatever you want. It’s just family,” he said with a sideways smile.

“Oh no. I can’t go to freaking Wayne Manor in a Kmart sweater,” you said quickly.

“You can wear,” he said hopping out of bed. He dug way in the back of his closet for a pretty red sweater that was slightly oversized. “This. Should fit fine. Pretty expensive too.”

“Where the hell did you get that?”

“I’ve had it for year and it definitely doesn’t fit now,” Jason said with a laugh. “Try it on.”

—————————————

The weather sucked. Freaking sleet that threatened everything it touched. You were grateful it wasn’t a night of Jason patrolling. This meant taking your car instead of Jason’s motorcycle. Your car was at least 15 years old and you called it Frankenstein because of all the repairs done over the years.

The radio skipped as Jason drove over a speed bump by Wayne Manor and you burst out laughing. Jason looked at you from the side.

“It’s not that funny,” he said. “What’s up?”

“My car is trash, I’m wearing your old sweater, and we’re late. If you weren’t the black sheep before, bringing me home, you will be now,” you said. He grabbed your hand and parked in front of a random house.

“I’ve been the black sheep since I was a kid and you aren’t going to change any thing for the worse. Trust me. In fact they’ll probably think you’re too good for me,” Jason said with a dry chuckle. “So don’t worry about anything. Except making room for pudding. I know it sounds weird,” he said starting to drive again. “But it’s the best part of Christmas.”

Wayne Manor was huge. You knew that. You’d even seen it on tv. But to see it in front of you was honestly terrifying, especially in the nasty weather. You almost hoped Jason was playing some weird elaborate joke and was going to drive on by but he knew the passcode to the gate. He drove in the covered drop off spot by the front door and parked. You both quickly ran in the building.

The front entry was breathtaking. A gigantic Christmas tree and a full staircase decked out in garland like a Hallmark movie. It was like a magazine. In fact, it was in the Christmas episode of Gotham Life the year before.

You gripped Jason’s hand tightly as you walked down the hall. Your shoes sounded unnaturally loud and you had the urge to quiet them like it was a library. Jason pulled you to the doorway of a dinning room full of people settling to eat. Jadon cleared his throat.

“Master Jason! You made it,” Alfred said excitedly. “I recieved your message but it’s been many years. Sit. Sit.”

“Glad you could come,” Jason’s brother Dick said with a grin. He looked at you in curious excitement. You looked down at some kind of mushroom soup placed in front of you. Everyone else was dressed so nicely and ate so perfectly. It was intimidating.

“Yeah, it’s Christmas,” Jason said shrugging. He gave Dick a look that said don’t ask. It didn’t take much for Dick to drop it because he seemed incredibly distracted. You spent most of the meal trying to keep up on conversations you clearly didn’t understand while trying food you’ve never seen before. You could barely remember everyone you were introduced to. One of Jason’s sister(s?) gave you a big hug along with everyone else when she arrived. You couldn’t tell anyone what was even said after the meal. Or so you thought.

Until right across from you, Dick proposes to his girlfriend. He stuttered around before finally asking. “Will you marry me? Oh god, I have a ring,” he said producing one. Everyone watched as she stared in the box.

“Will I marry you?” She asked faintly and you worried she’d say no. How terrible would it be??

“Please say something,” he pleaded and you could tell the man was practically in pain before she said yes. They kissed, the family applauded, and champagne was served.

Jason watched you from the corner of his eyes. How did you react to this? What did you think? You didn’t look jealous or anything. It made Jason think of marriage. He hadn’t before. He’d thought about moving into something more permanent but marriage. He’d never thought about marriage as his future, ever. Of course when you die at 16 and come back with a vengeance, love is low on the priority list.

“Jaybird, you there,” you asked slightly tapping his shoulder. He blinked and looked at you.

“Yeah, I’m here. Just in my head,” he said and you nodded. He’d do that sometimes.

“The party is moving to the parlor,” you said quietly in a proper rich Gothamite voice and Jason huffed before covering his smiling mouth with a nose rub. The rest of the group was moving ahead of you. Dick and his new fiancé were retiring for the night.

“I’m never going to hear the end of it, am I?”

“I’m so sorry, dearest. I can’t understand you with a silver spoon in your mouth,” you laughed. Jason rolled his eyes before guiding your shoulders towards the door. You heard a soft laugh behind you and you turned to see Tim’s girlfriend smiling.

“Sorry to interrupt but I’ve got to use that on Tim,” she said grabbing her coat and walking out.

After making sure you were cool with hanging with Tim’s girlfriend and their adoptive sister Cass, Jason and Tim started a very competitive game of pool. You couldn’t help but look at things that cost more than you’ve ever even seen. The chess set Damian and his girlfriend were playing with probably cost more than your car.

But it was Christmas and you tried to push your insecurities aside. It was a fun evening. A glass of wine you kept sipping on helped as well.

After a while Bruce announced that the roads were too bad and that no one was leaving. Jason clenched his jaw for a second before looking at you and relaxing. He didn’t want to stay but he wasn’t risking your health in any way. Instead he focused on the game.

“So if I win,” Jason said a full hour later. By this time, Damian’s girlfriend had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Your eyes felt a little heavy as well. “I get the penthouse.”

“Sure Jay. That’s Bruce’s. But I’m willing to gamble it,” Tim said throwing his hands up at the ridiculousness.

“I accept terms,” Bruce said. Both boys looked at him surprised. “Whoever wins gets the penthouse.”

You turned quickly to watch the game. Okay, is that a normal thing for them? To bet property. The look on everyone’s face said that no it wasn’t normal.

Jason was excellent at pool. It was a common for you both to go down to the pool hall and play some games. Jason would occasionally make some money playing and he did often as a kid. It was also a way to waste time when your mom was throwing beers back like a fish, like Jason’s mother did. Tim didn’t stand a chance. He wasn’t as good and looked almost like he was in pain occasionally. But maybe it wasn’t a real competition? Maybe Bruce was trying to give Jason something he’d always want to but didn’t know how. Jason easily won the game.

“So the penthouse is mine?” Jason asked. Bruce nodded and shrugged. Tim softly coughed in his hand. Your heart raced. They couldn’t be serious.

“If you’ll live in it,” Bruce said. Damian was carefully carrying his girlfriend upstairs.

“Deal,” Jason says quickly.

“Deal,” Bruce said looking quiet pleased. Was this his plan all along?

“I guess, deal?” Tim said confused. “Though you should owe me. You’re the one that got me shot.”

Your brain broke. He was shot? And it was Jason’s fault?

“What?! You got him shot?” Tim’s girlfriend asked loudly. Tim blanched.

“Not my fault.”

“Literally your fault,” Tim countered.

“What did you do?” You asked looking at him suspiciously. He offered you a sheepish smile.

“I might have said ‘what are you gonna do, shoot us?’ I meant me. Not Tim! He also has a bulletproof suit,” Jason said. Tim must be a vigilante too. You glared at Jason.

“That’s not in the report,” Bruce said with his eyes narrowing.

“Good night everybody. Merry Christmas,” Jason said pulling you from the room and up to his childhood room.

“You’re in so much trouble,” you said and he grinned.

“I’ll deal with it tomorrow. How do you feel about a penthouse? Better than our current place hu?” Jason said pulling you close. You felt dizzy at the idea.

“Seriously? We can’t afford it,” you said trying to stay grounded. It was too good to be true. Things like that didn’t happen to people like you.

“I think I know a guy who can keep the lights on,” he joked and you gave him a serious look. “Don’t worry about it. Just enjoy the idea of constant hot water. Lights never going off,” Jason said pushing you towards the bed. “No one can hear me make you scream.”

“Tempting. Very tempting,” you said and of fucking course it was. A safe beautiful clean penthouse over your trashy scary apartment wasn’t even a contest. Jason pushed you on the bed and hovered over you.

“What are you doing,” you asked flushed but still encouraging him. It was still his dad’s house and he was getting handsy.

“Trying to have sex with my girlfriend on my old bed like every guy ever has dreamed of,” Jason said. He nipped at your throat. You gasped.

“Got to be quiet, Princess,” he whispered and you pulled him down to kiss more.

————————————

The next morning you woke to an empty bed. You fixed your hair as best you could and threw on Jason’s sweatshirt before going downstairs. You caught a glimpse of the kitchen as Bruce slowly slid a set of keys Jason’s way before taking a long drink from his coffee. “I’m glad you made home for Christmas this year, Jason.” The penthouse.

“Morning,” Bruce said to you nodding before leaving the room. Jason was alone in the kitchen but you could hear others in the breakfast nook a door over.

“Keys,” Jason said showing you. “And no lecture.”

You gave him a hug and looked at the shiny metal keys. It would be a while before you could handle the idea of a freaking penthouse being yours. “But you should get something for Tim. You did get him shot.”

“Let him shoot me?”

“Jason, no.”

#fns #Jason Todd x reader #Jason Todd #red hood #red hood x reader #Jason todd fluff #christmas series

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

Text

Take Your Father to Work Day (S2, E4)

As many people have said: This is one of the STRONGEST Prodigal Son episodes to date. It was incredible. My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below.

I reference Malcolm’s mental health and sexual violence in this one. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:16 - OMG. Destiny’s Child. Whoever is in charge of the soundtrack for this show needs a raise. Or an award. It’s SOO GOOD.

0:18 - How great is this montage of Martin’s prison life too? I mean the insane mundanity of it combined with “Survivor” and Michael Sheen’s incredible acting is some perfect mix between hilarious, captivating, and just brilliant.

1:06 - I feel so bad for Mr.David. He has to deal with Martin’s theatrics every day. Poor guy looks done in this episode.

1:35 - CAN HECTOR BECOME A BIGGER CHARACTER?! PLEASE. He’s hilarious and I love him. “Bro. You got your ass jumped at Sunday School.”

2:09 - Wait. What? Jerry’s getting released?!? I mean, I understand that he’s no longer in need of psychiatric care......but he still killed someone. Shouldn’t he just be getting transferred to a different prison?

2:25 - Does Jerry have a death wish?!?! He’s talking about being released in a room full of jealous murderers. Everyone looks sooooo pissed at Jerry.

2:54 - Martin is such a liar. However - Michael Sheen’s performance is astoundingly good. Like he shines brighter than usual in this episode.

3:17 - Poor Malcolm. “What’s going on?” Poor boy looks terrified.

3:23 - I love everything about this scene. I love how freaked out Malcolm is. I love you extra Jessica is. BUT HANS. Holy shit. I want Hans in every episode. He’s crazy in a good way and such a beautiful comedic relief.

3:30 - OMG. “Skinny milennial” might be the best thing anyone has ever called Malcolm. Someone please tell JT and Dani - hell, even Gil. They would tease him forever and I want to see it.

3:45 - 1) Malcolm is a terrible liar. 2) Jessica knows he’s lying. 3) This story about the wine is interesting. I wonder when and how Malcolm first told Jessica the story. Was it the same night? AND HOW DID ENDICOTT’S BODY END UP IN ESTONIA?!? I WANT MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THAT NIGHT.

3:54 - “Ainsley and I came back from the hospital after Gil’s stabbing.”....we never saw Ainsley at the hospital. Was she there and left before Malcolm got there? Or is this a plot hole I need to ignore?

4:05 - The way that the flashbacks of Endicott’s murder is spliced into this scene with Malcolm’s cover story is so perfectly executed. It’s so captivating and so so well done.

4:14 - Malcolm’s eyes look quite manic during the retelling of this story. Poor guy is desperate to have everyone believe the story. Poor guy probably wants to convince himself that the story is true.

4:16 - Wait. What? Ainsley has always been clumsy? .....interesting. I’ve seen no evidence of it but I’ll believe it for the sake of the plot.

4:23 - “At least one of you has a soul.” Holy shit. hahaha Hans is brutal. I love him so much. I also love how this line makes me, as a viewer, think “does that mean the writers want me to think that Ainsley doesn’t have a soul?” ...or more likely that she doesn’t feel emotion (which can be interpreted as a lack of a soul). That she’s a psychopath like Martin?

4:27 - OMG. Jessica loves Hans. He speaks to her dramatic rich woman soul. So entertaining.

4:30 - Poor. Malcolm. This boy is always in some sort of emotional turmoil. For once I wish he was happy (but also I love the emotional whump so if that could continue that would be great).

4:44 - “It’s so much more than that.” *chef’s kiss* comedic genius. I would watch a whole episode of Mr.David making fun of Martin. But can we all just take a minute to appreciate that Martin doesn’t seem bothered at all that Mr.David is basically verbally telling him that he sucks? It’s almost like Martin thinks they’re friends?

4:50 - Martin is strangely chill talking to Mr.David in this scene. It’s a little off-putting. He almost seems normal. He’s not putting on his usual theatrics or ranting about doctor stuff. It makes you wonder how many different sides of Martin that Mr.David has witnessed.

5:01 - “Oh no. Not Jerry.” LMAO. HOLY SHIT. Michael Sheen needs an Emmy. His delivery of that line might be the funniest thing this show has ever given us. hahahahaha

5:29 - Damn. This is not Gil’s month. First Jessica dumps him. Then he has to deal with Martin Whitly in the flesh. That plus the on-going drama of worrying about Malcolm’s mental health and the stress of reintegrating into work after a STAB WOUND.

5:31 - Gil’s face. hahahahaha he’s like, “Kill me. This can’t be happening. I hate everything. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.”

5:37 - “Yeah. Why’d you do it?” GIL. OMG. I’m so proud of Gil for dissing Martin to his face. BUT ALSO I worry that that’s going to give Martin more of a reason to hate Gil. I’m genuinely scared that the writers have Martin escaping as the pre-finale episode and Martin trying to kill Gil as the finale. Maybe Gil shows up trying to save Malcolm, AInsley, and Jessica (whom Martin is trying to abduct or hurt or something) idk I just feel like it’s going to be a likely subplot somewhere. I don’t want an attempt on Gil’s life to become a season finale tradition.

5:56 - Ew. “Gilly” That is a terrible nickname. I think I threw up a little.

6:00 - Damn. I love this scene. I could watch Martin and Gil pretending to be civil to each other for years. So entertaining.

6:29 - hahahahaha OMG. Gil’s reaction to Martin saying, “Thank you” PLUS Edrisa’s sudden excitement at realizing she’s 10 ft away from Malcolm’s Dad - a medical legend, is magical.

6:35 - Not gonna lie. When Edrisa said, “Ok. I’m gonna play it cool.” I had to pause my TV and walk away to calm down. I was experiencing a mixture of second hand embarrassment for Edrisa’s inevitable behaviour, excitement for what is to come, and fear that Martin would be a jerk to our precious Edrisa.

6:44 - Edrisa and Martin interacting was everything I’d hoped. It was strange, funny, sweet, and disturbing at the same time. The sweet, eccentric girl who attends cuddle parties is getting buddy-buddy with a literal serial killer. Hilarious. Even better is Gil’s background reactions as he desperately tries to keep Edrisa away from the psychopath. hahaha <3

7:12 - Gil is currently living in a nightmare. hahahahaha

7:47 - I love this. I love how Malcolm and Ainsley interact. Malcolm is such a good big brother. IDK something about these two adult siblings chilling on a couch and warning each other about Mom’s current rampage reminds me of myself and my younger brother. <3 Warms my cold dead heart. <3 PLUS has anyone else noticed that (as long as Ainsley isn’t hounding Malcolm about a story or airing out his mental health diagnoses like the bs from Q&A) Malcolm is extremely calm around Ainsley. Like maybe the calmest we’ve ever seen him?

8:20 - “Oh Ainsley, that’s a horrible idea.” This is adorable. Malcolm is totally acting like Ainsley’s surrogate dad. He’s trying so hard to protect her. <3

8:42 - There’s something about the way that Malcolm says, “Hey Gil” that makes my heart swell. Idk why. I just their father/son relationship. So much. And it makes me so happy to see Malcolm having semi-normal interactions with people in general.

8:48 - This. Is. The. Funniest. Episode. Of. Prodigal. Son. To. Date. Holy shit. The comical dread on Malcolm’s face. Martin’s glee on the phone. Gil’s general “done with life” body language. Ainsley’s utter joy at her luck. MALCOLM DRAINING THE ALKA-SELTZER. Ainsley saying “chug chug”. So perfect.

9:27 - Is it just me or has Jessica been showing way more concern for her children’s well-being this season? At first I thought it was because she was so happy with Gil....but that’s not a thing anymore (because Jessica is a MORON - seriously if this show gets cancelled before Gil and Jessica are living happily ever after I will riot) so now Idk.

10:02 - EDRISA WHY DID YOU NOT TELL GIL AND MALCOLM THAT THE SURGEON WAS ON THE PHONE?!? For a hot second, poor Malcolm looks like he thinks he’s hallucinating.

10:40 - Gil hanging up on Martin and then telling Edrisa that she needs to make new friends is everything. It’s vicious. Gil looks absolutely furious in this scene and I love it.

11:07 - Yo. Edrisa’s got some baggage. hahaha Malcolm looks soooo uncomfortable with her outburst.

11:18 - I would pay good money to watch Martin and Gil have a pissing match in front of Malcolm every episode. It’s amazing. They’re constantly trying to one-up each other. The tension is palatable. And someone Malcolm is the only one acting like a mature, working adult. Malcolm. My mentally unstable, skinny millennial.

11:34 - OH SHIT. Martin did not just bring Jessica into this. Oh SNAP. Does Martin know that Jessica dumped Gil?!?

11:56 - “I’m going to need a little more than that.” Damn. Malcolm looks pissed here. Pretty sure he hates that Martin just brought up Gil/Jessica. Malcolm’s bio-dad and real dad are fighting and it’s very clear that Malcolm is on Gil’s side.

12:17 - The look that Gil and Malcolm share here is perfect. I love it so much. You can see how annoyed they both are, how much they hate that they need Martin on this case, how much neither of them want Martin’s help. <3

12:23 - SOMEONE GIVE GIL A MEDAL. This man just grit his teeth, smiled, and let MARTIN WHITLY - the man who tried to KILL HIM work on his case. Why? Because Malcolm silently asked him to. Because Gil loves Malcolm and knows that it’s better for Martin to work with them officially than for Malcolm to work with Martin in secret. At least this way he can look out for Malcolm.

12:42 - “It’s taken Dr. Marsh years...” soooo was Dr. Marsh the name of the Asian doctor leading group therapy last season? Is this just a new actor, same character scenario? OR am I supposed to forget that Asian doctor existed last season?

13:04 - I can’t tell if Gil hates this whole “father-son in group therapy idea”. He looks kind of like he hates it (although he is looking at Martin in the shot). I’m inclined to think that Gil is worried. He doesn’t like how nice Martin is acting toward Malcolm. He doesn’t want Malcolm to get hurt again. BUT I also think there’s probably a part of Gil that thinks group therapy might be beneficial for Malcolm’s mental health? I mean it was only ever going to be terrible or amazing. Nothing in between.

13:12 - “They hate you don’t they?” GIL BRINGING THE FIRE. hahahaha angry Gil is really funny.

13:43 - OH HELL YES. More Hector. <3

13:46 - hahaha YES. Hector this is Malcolm - the son. You know, the one you had to role-play? hahaha I feel like Hector is a really cool dude (aside from the murder).

13:53 - Damn. Hector pays attention in group. He has a lot of info about Malcolm. I would’ve thought the other inmates would just tune Martin out when he starts his monologues.

13:59 - “He’s got a thing with hands?” hahahaha OMG. How did I never connect the hand thing. DOES Malcolm have a thing with hands? ....I kind of want that to be cannon?

14:00 - “You’re crazier than me.” Ouch. That must’ve hurt. Think about it - Malcolm is ridden with guilt about Endicott. He’s haunted by what he experienced as a kid and by what his father is. Malcolm believes he’s broken beyond repair. On some level Malcolm thinks he’s crazy. Now a literal killer just told him he’s crazy. That just affirms what Malcolm already believes about himself. :( PLUS right after Hector tells Malcolm that he’s crazy - the camera pans to Martin. MARTIN looks scared. Martin is losing control of the situation and he doesn’t like it. Martin knows on some level that he ruined Malcolm’s mental health. He almost looks a little guilty?

14:31 - FINALLY. We have a cannon occurrence of someone calling Malcolm “Mal” (or “Malc” if you’re going by HULU’s subtitles?). I hope the writers start having people call Malcolm by Mal/Malc more often.

14:35 - I can’t ignore it anymore. DID HECTOR HAVE THAT SCAR ON HIS FACE LAST SEASON?!? I DON’T REMEMBER IT.

14:38 - YES YES. Malcolm looks angry. I LOVE IT. Scream at him Malcolm! Give him hell!

15:03 - Yikes. Malcolm sounds like he’s about to cry here. :( My heart breaks for him. .....I wonder if this is the first time Martin has ever heard how much pain he caused Malcolm straight from Malcolm? Martin looks hella uncomfortable here.

15:25 - The inmates (literal murderers) empathizing with Malcolm is twisted, beautiful, and haunting. These guys understand how much it sucks to hang out with Martin. These guys can see the real pain in Malcolm’s expression. They know he isn’t lying. Part of me honestly wonders if one of them is going to try and hurt Martin for Malcolm. They looked pissed enough by the end of the conversation that I kind of believe they might.

16:00 - Malcolm is not acting here. For once he’s not projecting his problems onto potential suspects. He’s just venting to suspects. No pretence. I love it. BUT 100% of me wants to know where Gil is during this session. Is Gil listening? Is the session being recorded for evidence? There’s no way Gil (or Dani) wouldn’t confront Malcolm about this. Even if they just asked him if he’s okay.

16:10 - hahahaha look at Doctor Marsh. He’s like “ooookkkkkaaaayyyy. I’m a psychiatrist in a psychiatric facility for people who have committed violent crimes. BUT THIS IS THE NUTTIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.”

16:12 - Look at the way Martin narrows his eyes. He’s trying to figure out if Malcolm is acting. He’s finally realizing that Malcolm truly hates what Martin subjected him to as a child. I honestly think this interaction will cause Martin to shift his “become a murderer like me” agenda from Malcolm to Ainsley. He’s finally seen the depth of Malcolm’s hatred and pain and knows deep down that Malcolm will never turn into a serial killer. But there’s still hope for Ainsley. That’s not to say that Martin won’t stop gaslighting Malcolm - he totally will.

17:10 - Martin has been at Claremont for 20 YEARS. How is it that he didn’t know a gold card existed?!?

17:21 - I honestly thought Marsh was going to get shanked. For the gold card. No other reason.

18:07 - It’s not supposed to be funny but Burt freaking out and punching Marsh is HYSTERICAL. hahahahaha

18:10 - That guard who pushed Malcolm out of the room and into a safe area? He’s in my good books. Every time I watch him push Malcolm to safety I want to give him a hug. Just for doing his job. What the hell is wrong with me?!?

18:18 - UGH. I hate that creepy, satisfied look that Martin gives Malcolm. It’s the same look he gave baby Malcolm in the pilot. It’s the “we’re the same” look and it clearly bothers Malcolm. :(

18:26 - Oh look. 18 minutes into the episode and we finally have a Dani appearance!! annnnnnd no mention of JT. I mean, I get it. He’s on paternity leave. I’m happy for him. BUT TWO EPISODES WITHOUT A JT APPEARANCE IS TORTURE. At least give me a throw away line about how happy JT is or about the baby!?? Honestly - it’s my biggest gripe with this episode.

18:56 - soooo either Dr. Marsh is a terrible psychiatrist OR you can’t “cure” murderers.

19:08 - The NYPD knows that Martin cured Jerry?!? HOW? Did Mr. David get Martin to admit to shocking him? Did Mr. David tell the police?!? I don’t remember Martin telling Malcolm. I specifically remember Malcolm saying, “I don’t want to know”

20:02 - Damn. I want Ainsley to go dark so badly. I want to see how badly it would destroy Malcolm and Jessica. I am evil.

20:52 - Malcolm’s burgundy jacket is gorgeous. That is all.

21:10 - Malcolm knows that Martin wants to escape. This is good. I love this.

21:55 - THERE’S A WOMENS WARD?!? REVOLUTIONARY INFORMATION. I THOUGHT THEY HAD A SEPARATE HOSPITAL.

22:00 - Oh wow. Finally - a perk to gender inequality.

22:52 - This Brightwell scene is so cute. I love watching Malcolm be excited about solving the crime. I love watching Dani gently tease him about how weird he is. I love watching them subtly flirt. Is Malcolm ready for another relationship - hell no. Do I think Dani has forgiven him - not totally. If they got together now it would end badly. But I do want them to be endgame.

23:11 - Andre is really suspicious throughout this whole scene. I’m convinced that if Dani and Malcolm weren’t too busy flirting Andre would’ve become a suspect really fast.

23:15 - Why do people get released from psychiatric prisons?!? This is a genuine question. I would’ve thought that everyone in Claremont has committed some seriously heinous crimes and only a very small portion of them are actually sick. The rest of them just pleaded insanity and had good lawyers. But even if they are/were sick. I don’t think the types of mental illnesses that drive people to murder and/or rape is something that can be cured. Sooo why are they getting released? I guess I just wonder because there’s this guy that’s been in my local news on and off for like 10+ years. He’s molested/raped many young women between the ages of about 16-25. He’s been arrested and released multiple times. He keeps getting released to different major cities in my province (usually a city with a big University) and reoffends within 6 months of being released. Most recently he was arrested last month after being released in October 2020. Clearly he’s going to keep reoffending - so why does he keep getting released? I guess I just don’t understand what the criteria are that allow an inmate who has committed that sort of crime to be released. Here’s a link to one of the more recent news stories if you’re interested: https://vancouverisland.ctvnews.ca/police-warn-of-high-risk-sex-offender-moving-to-victoria-1.5149264

23:23 - hahaha Andre is like, “Yo. This dude is freaky.”

24:15 - Look at how proud Malcolm is of his whole “lobster = murderer” profile. <3 So freaking precious. <3 and Dani looks so amused with him. <3

24:37 - Sooooo Mr. David isn’t listening to this conversation? He left the room?

24:40 - Jessica going to Martin for parenting help is terrifying. This is a woman in crisis.

25:20 - But Jessica was right to be paranoid in 97′. She wasn’t being cheated on romantically but her husband was murdering people.

25:24 - Martin is so selling his kids out here. He knows it. He doesn’t care. He’s having too much fun torturing Jessica. He’s rejoicing at the fact that he gets to play the “I turned the kids to the dark side” card.

26:40 - Poor Jessica. She looks suspicious and scared. Scared that she raised a killer even though she tried desperately to prevent that very behaviour.

26:56 - Damn. Martin is having a really good day. First he gets to annoy Gil Arroyo in the flesh. Then Edrisa talks medical with him. Then he gets to work with Malcolm. THEN his ex-wife calls him and he gets to toy with her mind. THEN his daughter, who has literally murdered someone comes to visit him. He is a proud Dad right here and he’s having an amazing day.

28:00 - Rhonda is terrifying. This girl has perfected the “I’m sweet and unthreatening” while lying and manipulating people. I swear she’s a teenage Queen B personality with a side of violence.

28:30 - I love how protective Malcolm is of Ainsley. Look how positively livid he is that Marin is talking to her. Malcolm is terrified that Martin is going to purposefully and successfully turn Ainsley into a serial killer. Malcolm doesn’t want to lose his sister. He doesn’t want Jessica to lose her ‘stable’ child.

29:09 - This scares me. This is the kind of Ainsley behaviour from last season that made me believe she is the Whitly child most like Martin. Her ruthlessness and lack of a conscience when it comes to looking for a news story is extremely upsetting.

30:11 - What the hell happened to Tevin? AND WATKINS?!? We got no closure on those guys. Are they dead? In prison? Is Tevin still in Claremont? Were they transferred to facilities outside of New York State?

30:28 - Malcolm yelling at Martin is perfect. *chef’s kiss* Finally this boy is being honest with his father and he isn’t holding back.

30:40 - Michael Sheen is an incredible actor. This is an Emmy worthy scene. By Sheen AND Payne.

30:48 - I love how you can see Mr. David just chilling. Sitting outside the door and staring across the hall during this scene. It’s just....can’t he hear the screaming?!? Is he just like, “I can’t take anymore of this today. Not my circus and not my monkeys.”

30:55 - Soooooo this is Martin showing his true colours. There’s definitely a part of Martin that hates Malcolm. I honestly wonder if that part of Martin actively tries/tried to emotionally torture Malcolm now and throughout his childhood.

31:00 - “And your mother. And you ruined HeR!!!”....does this mean Martin was trying to make Ainsley a serial killer? Maybe after the camping trip when he realized Malcolm was too “weak” to kill anyone? Is this Martin saying that Ainsley is ruined because she didn’t become a serial killer? Or that Ainsley is ruined because she killed Endicott?

31:05 - “But that’s not me.” hahaha OMG. Michael Sheen just flipped between two personalities like nobody’s business. Respect.

31:08 - Martin’s outburst hurt Malcolm. Badly. You can see it all over his face. Even now, when Malcolm is being strong and showing some backbone to Martin, Martin can wound Malcolm with a single phrase. :(

31:41 - soooo where has Gil been for the past 10 minutes of this episode?

32:02 - Sooooo did Andre kill Jerry for Rhonda? Or did he just know about the murder and keep quiet for Rhonda? Or is his oblivious to the fact that Rhonda killed Jerry? I’m honestly confused here.

32:20 - Holy shit. Rhonda is crazy. Andre is dead now. Right?

32:48 - Wait. Why did Andre have a gold card? Mr. David only has red. What kind of qualifications does a guard need to get a gold card vs blue, green, or red?!?!

32:55 - Claremont isn’t a punishment for Martin. Solitary is. Martin should live in solitary. He deserves to suffer for his crimes (and the ongoing torture of his son).

33:05 - How messed up is it that Mr. David’s job is to protect a serial killer? I don’t think I’m brave enough to do something like that. I also don’t know if I could do that for moral reasons.

33:14 - Damn. That elevator looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since it was installed. It’s sooo much nastier than the hallway outside of the elevator.

33:50 - Sooo does this mean Martin is eventually going to try and murder someone down here?

33:54 - HE CALLED FOR BACKUP <3 <3 <3 OUR BOY IS GROWING UP AND I’M SO PROUD. <3

35:40 - FINALLY SOME MALCOLM WHUMP. <3 THIS SEASON HAS BEEN LACKING IT.

36:00 - This is really interesting to me. I honestly wonder if Martin has some sort of split personality disorder (personality #1: murderous, selfish, psychopath; personality #2: loving, concerned father and lawful doctor). You can see how desperately he wants to escape. But also how much he loves his son. I honestly thought he was going to leave Malcolm to die.

36:06 - Ugh. Look at his whumped face. <3 <3 <3 ....one thing that I couldn’t stop thinking during all the tazing (which was amazing FYI, I’m not complaining) is this: in QxA (1x07) Mr. David says that he only has a single shot tazer. Why did Andre have a multi-shot tazer? Is this a gold card vs red card thing?

36:40 - WHY THE EFF DOES BACKUP NOT INCLUDE GIL?!?! I KNOW HE’S STILL IN THE BUILDING.

37:03 - MARTIN, IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON DANI’S HEAD I WILL PERSONALLY HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU MYSELF. He honestly looks like he wants to murder her.

37:50 - Martin’s speech is not going to help Malcolm’s mental state. At all.

38:31 - No. No. No. Martin you do NOT get to talk to Dani on a first name basis. Look at how much Dani hates it.

38:35 - I love how soft Malcolm looks as Martin lifts him up. Look at how Malcolm gently leans into the touch. It breaks my heart. After 20 years Malcolm is still comforted by physical contact with his father. :(

38:37 - “Put your hands on me again Dr. Whitly, and I’ll blow your head off.” OH HELL YES. Dani is my hero. Iconic. Also - anyone else notice that Dani is chewing gum in this scene (I don’t think she’s chewed gum on camera since the pilot?) it makes her look like so much more of a badass in this scene.

38:55 - Oh look. The rest of the backup finally showed up. Where were these assholes 5 minutes ago when DANI WAS ALONE? AND WHERE IS GIL?!?!

39:00 - Malcolm thanking Dani is so so precious. And the fact that he’s clearly struggling to breathe and stay conscious is giving me life. ALSO Dani saying, “YOU’re welcome.”?!? *chef’s kiss* :) :) <3

39:30 - So Malcolm definitely knows that Martin almost left him to die so that Martin could escape.

39:33 - ......Ainsley is currently living with Jessica. Why is Ainsley not at the family dinner? We literally see her in the house in like 30 seconds.

39:35 - Malcolm in a polo shirt. Malcolm in a polo shirt. Why is it so attractive?!? He looks like a baby cinnamon roll? <3

39:51 - WHO THE EFF LET AINSLEY INTO THE MURDER BASEMENT?!? WHY AM I EXPECTED TO BELIEVE THAT JESSICA DIDN’T RE-SEAL IT AFTER WATKINS?!?!

40:15 - Jessica desperately tearing apart the living room is heartbreaking. :(

40:29 - Question: Did Jessica send her staff home before she tore apart the living room? Because I can just imagine two of them staring into the living room from the hall like, “She’s finally snapped. Should we call someone?”

41:00 - Jessica is the queen of drama. HOLY SHIT. This reveal was so extra and so perfect.

41:13 - “I killed him.” “You’re lying.” I love this interaction between Jessica and Malcolm. Malcolm has spent his whole life trying to convince people that he’s not a murderer. To protect Ainsley, his baby sister, he will say the words “I killed him”. Even though that is literally killing a part of Malcolm. Jessica knows it. I love that Jessica can see that Malcolm is lying. She’s not trying to convince herself that he’s innocent. She literally just accused him of murder. She’s scared. Because Malcolm just admitted to killing someone - his biggest fear - and it was a lie.

41:35 - Watching Bellamy Young’s facial expression as Jessica realizes that Ainsley killed Endicott is a thing of beauty. This woman needs an Emmy too. HELL, CAN WE GIVE THIS WHOLE EPISODE AN EMMY?!?!

42:00 - Poor Jessica. The guilt she must feel. She’s always thought that Malcolm was the one at risk of being a murderer. He’s a boy (they’re statistically more prone to violence than girls), he was older than Ainsley, he remembers terrible things, Malcolm had continued exposure to Martin throughout his childhood (Ainsley didn’t - I think?). But the child she neglected, the child she thought was safe, the child she thought remained free of Martin’s evil killed someone. It’s a plot-twist that just ripped Jessica’s heart into a million pieces.

42:30 - Yep. I promise you Malcolm has been psychoanalyzing Ainsley’s past behaviours since the moment she killed Endicott. He’s found traits common to serial killers and he’s terrified that she’ll become one if she remembers what it felt like to kill Endicott. He’s probably kicking himself for not noticing sooner. He’s probably questioning his ability as a profiler and as a big brother. AND the fact that MALCOLM has to protect Jessica AND Ainsley is heartbreaking. It’s way too big a burden. No wonder Malcolm’s mental health is on a downward spiral.

42:33 - This is the moment Jessica begins grieving for Ainsley. The fear, disbelief, and horror on her face. It’s torture that I can only describe as someone telling a mother that her daughter is dead. Because Ainsley is dead. The person Jessica believed Ainsley was - that little girl is dead. Because Jess just found out the truth.

42:55 - Jessica is now terrified of her own daughter. That is maybe the most upsetting thing this show has given us.

43:00 - I saw an interesting theory about how Ainsley is regressing back to her childhood (crawling into bed with Mom, moving back in with Mom) and I must say - that would be a really interesting way for this story to go. Ainsley regressing to a child-like state as she is convicted of murder. As a result she ends up in the women’s ward of Claremont because she can plead insanity.

This episode was amazing. Seriously, one of the best Prodigal Son episodes to date. Definitely the best of season 2 so far. If you’ve read this far - thanks for hanging out.

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loquaciousquark · 4 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)

Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.

Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, we’ll know, one day... (One day this “copyrighted audio” section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses she’s wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).

Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor).

Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesin’s personal reaction: he “knows some things” he can’t talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says it’s almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marisha’s personal reaction: she just wants to know how she’s doing with her theories, & was trying to block Tal’s face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!

Cad has no clue what to think - it’s like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.

It is a “horrifying and gross” thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: “Sometimes dead’s better.” The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.

Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so it’s easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesn’t watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travis’s surprise. I love this so much.

Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!

Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. It’s good when “as a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.” It’s a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasn’t good enough.

Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the “city of the undead” and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the “capital of anti-death.” He’s willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didn’t know anything.

Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marisha’s own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. It’s also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trent’s mention of Vess Durogna’s tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason she’d made the connection to the Tombtakers was because she’d recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, “It was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...” and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like it’s still something they have to do because of “look at what he does! Look! It’s totally valid!”

Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.

Caduceus’s takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceus’s response was "this is the dumbest man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, they’re all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy he’s an idiot before somebody gets hurt.” (Marisha: “Before?”) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. “How are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?”

Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.

Taliesin: “Damage doesn’t make you interesting or better. It’s not what makes you good. Character isn’t found in damage. Just recovery.”

Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldn’t be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.

Marisha feels it’s a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beau’s dad, Obann). She thinks it’s interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.

Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). “With the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think he’d be okay. Come over here where it’s so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.”

Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all “we kind of like them!” after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Caleb’s sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trent’s proteges.

Beau is less concerned about Artagan’s relationship to Jester because “he showed his ass--she’s less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.” It’s a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasn’t suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. “The notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.” Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jester’s gotten back together with an ex: “I hope that I’m really happy for you.” They’re both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.

My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking I’ve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!

Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. “I miss violence.” Dani lets us know it’s been about four episodes since the last battle.

There’s no way the Cobalt Reserve doesn’t have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes “there are no real secrets” because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.

Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.

Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. He’s starting to suspect that he’s going to go home very different than when he left. “He has the softest problems. I don’t know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.”

Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beau’s first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships she’s ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesn’t care. For Yasha... “At the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once you’re not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I don’t want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. There’s always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like it’s coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...” There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.

Caduceus doesn’t think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. “He has a complex relationship with nature.” He doesn’t expect special treatment.

Thoughts on the mansion: “Man, it’s nice to be seen.” Marisha: “I don’t know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but I’m living for it.” It felt like an echo of “I’m better for having known you.” They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on people’s favorite tapestries, comics, etc.

They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. It’s lovely.

Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. He’s still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.

Vilya! Marisha: “Ah! Ah! Ah!” As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beau’s eyes she didn’t pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marisha’s brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha “Keyleth finally gets her happy ending,” and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keyleth’s story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of “just wanting them to be happy, though!” She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. “Everyone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.”

And that’s that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long post for ts

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staylavendertea · 3 years

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music, ya know

this is a complete impulse of lying in bed middle of the night thoughts that i don’t even know if anyone’s gonna see that have been stemmed off the experiences of the past couple days, topic of 1:41 am mind boggle:

music and it’s aesthetic and importance in literal every sense cause it’s just that important to me

first experience of realizing this, i’ve always loved film scores and listening to music and the orchestral pieces from movies and shows, but it really seemed to hit me recently, like the fact that this week’s new LOKI episode, no spoilers, has the most badass score and a badass scene with such a perfect mix and musical atmosphere. i literally had one of my best friends over, who has a very small interest in comics, cinema, marvel in general, especially a show about a norse comic god that they know nothing about, and whilst they sat there for my own regard, watching the show like a normal human being would, i sat there clinching their hand, watching in awe as our music is louder than actors talking tv speakers spurted out the most spine tightening world building story and just wandered “jesus that was good” and whilst i will always think about the superior acting, cgi, the amount of different people that just went into those few scenes and like what was physical set and what was computer image and what the hell did i just watch that has my brain running olympic marathon circles right now?

the thought that said brain kept going back to was that fucking score. it was literally tearing apart of every corner of my head and why was it doing that?

second experience, another marvel one, but i digress. black widow (no spoilers i promise), thursday night, movie theater for the first time in i can’t even remember how long now and we set through so many previews just for fucking boss baby to start playing and the reaction of the theater to make me burst out laughing.

however whatever works in that little projection box, gets fixed and the movie is pushed to just a little before it starts, a nice small pepsi ad, the regal rollercoaster intro (if you go to regal movie theaters ya know what i’m talking about), and then i hear it - the marvel studios logo - something so musically engraved into my head that my ass that can’t sing for anything, can harmonize with the sound and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up around movie theater surround sound. but i can’t think of that now, i’m here to watch black widow, a movie on hiatus with the rest of the world for so long now, a character i didn’t know much about it or truly, didn’t have the most connection with in the first place. yet through that one movie, i seemed to build one of those.

ofc though scarlett johansson’s beautiful acting and world building, but it isn’t until the end of the movie that i even realize why. it was the fucking score again. when i think about it, the beginning of the movie felt like all of black widows scenes in the avengers movies for me, kinda just, there. not really emotionally tugging, not bad ofc either, but just, there. in the present, watching something cool in motion. but then it hits, what i can only describe as a theme that somehow tells the entire black widow movie in one singular composition. something so badass, story telling, but also just singularly black widow-esk. i can tell you that i walked out the movie theater rambling about the composition and looking up composers.

third experience, the most recent as it was literally like 20 minutes ago and sprung one train rail of a thought process that immediately tugged me into typing this brain vomit into a tumblr post. i have playlists. for everything. and when i say everything, i fucking mean everything. i’m a writer and a reader, i have playlists mostly for the young avengers, my most utter comfort characters, and their stories i’m writing. i also have playlists/genre/specific song for about every book i read.

when i read red white and royal blue when that came out, i noticed i listened to one of the drunks by panic at the disco the entirety of the ending of the book and the words and music fit together like puzzle pieces, not only did it make the reading experience better, but i was so fucking emerged in my over hyper-imagitive brain that when i finally actually finished the book, i still never left. rewind present day to the beginning of this past june, one last stop comes out, ofc i get it the day it comes out with my anticipation building like wildfire. i start reading that night and i put on my recents on my liked songs playlist (true to true spotify user) and i slowly over the next day as i read and finish the book, windle down to the genre, then the band, to the album, to the exact song that feels like the carbon copy of the words i’m reading. that song was only ones who know by the arctic monkeys. now go back to this past week, anyone who reads the carry on series knows, anyway the wind blows came out this past tuesday. i waited till wednesday to buy the ✨pretty special addition barnes and nobles copy✨ so that the dear friend that indulged me by watching loki that same day could buy it at the same time and make a cute book date or whateva. i started reading that night and something just felt ,,, off. i didn’t know what it was, but i was living off the pure joy that simon and co give me so i ignored the feeling. until i realized why it felt off this morning. i wasn’t listening to any fucking music, literally nothing, not even queen. motherfucking. queen.

i looked for the snowbaz playlist i made when i read carry on for the first time back in 2016/2017 when i was still a freshman in high school just to remember i deleted that literally forever ago. so i made a new one. like an hour and a half ago. very inspired on how i made the playlists for the young avengers and all their stories. letting the music talk.

the fact that all these rambling thoughts have led to this conclusion makes my head hurt, but for me at least in my own experiences. music talks. a two way conversation. a radio broadcast, turning the peg until you match the same frequency thats being put out and you can hear it and understand it. it’s like when you see comedians on stages or actors on panels, they talk, you have reactions, you talk back, and so forth the loop continues until the last voice, last note, rings out. music and songs and orchestral pieces and bands and composers and lyric writers are telling you the stories in reverse. they don’t know their doing it, obviously they meant something entirely different in their creations, but it’s like literature and any work of words and storytelling. interpretation. to me, the notes, pianos, violins, guitars, drums, singers, cellos, and anything that can make sound you can think of, is telling you something. whispering in your ear as you watch or read. facial features, emotions the characters dont say out loud, outfits, they way their standing or talking or moving or interacting with anything and everything.

when i just made that carry on playlist, i played it, decided to try read some good almost 2 am fan fic as you do, my hanging on by a thread sleep brain telling me words aren’t recognizable right now, and tighten myself into a blanket to see if i can sleep at all. the playlist still plays and my never shuts up head thinks it’s own daydreams, stresses out about anything it can, that is until the song plays. the one that just speaks the carry on trilogy language. the one that i found whilst i was reading wayward son and then would play whenever i re read carry on. the one that started this whole way too long ass post in the first place. cant be alone tonight by atlas. i heard just the first sound and i saw them, as if i were in the same room, like i never even put the book down in the first damn place because i’m actually terrified of finishing it. i could see simon in his oversized hoodies, baz in an outfit that was way too good just to be sitting inside, agatha looking as pleasantly pretty as ever, penelope poking fun at shepherd, and shepherd poking fun right back; bickering, laughing, saying the dialogues i try to remember so i can write them later, existing.

in a way music doesn’t just talk, but it lives. it lives and breaths. a three way conversation you could say. characters, stories, plot, and settings talk to the music, then the music delivers us listeners the message, so that we can send one back. this literally took me over an hour to write and i should point the important note that i do have synesthesia where colors and sounds and colors and words do the association so this entire thing might be me being entirely biased, but alas, i love sound so much and if there is anyone else that feels the same ways as i do as just a simple good film score and song makes anything ten times better, feel free to talk, i will totally be awkward, but i need some music freaks like myself around so feel free to hit me up, also if you love movies and cinema also feel free to hit me up as i need movie buddies and now it’s 3 am and i will be going to bed - peace out 🛸

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hey-lady · 3 years

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Always To Be Loved

Started off as a headcanon and it became this. Enjoy!

Dr. Turner reminisces on the ones he has lost around the time of the birth of Baby Teddy. He recollects the birth of his first son, Timothy, and his relationship with his first wife and the barriers they faced. Marianne had made her wishes clear for her son early on, but what about her husband?

Read it on ff.net!

Read it on A03!

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Patrick was surprised when he found himself quite sad at the prospect of Sister Julienne helping his wife through labor and subsequent delivery of his child. It was never because he doubted her skills,—in fact, he could not have chosen someone better for his wife—but rather it was because of Sister Evangelina.

Timothy and Marianne had been under the care of Sister Evangelina back in 1948. Marianne had had a difficult pregnancy filled with a bundle of prospective complications. They quickly came to the conclusion that if they could help it, Timothy would be their only child for the sake of Marianne. She had taken to this situation very poorly and quickly fell into a deep, unresponsive depression. Patrick found himself badly equipped at handling this situation. Her own struggle only reminded him of his pain during the time following the war which no one other than him and his doctors knew about.

Sister Evangelina was the one who noticed their struggle and quickly—and rather unorthodoxly—assigned herself to their case. She spent extra time with Marianne pushing her to continue in her life for her husband and baby's sake. Everyone was astounded by the amount of personal care that she put into the Turner case.

Sister Evangelina never told anyone, but it was because she noticed some distinctive behaviors in Dr. Turner; he would flinch at the mention of any possibility of death, his face would drop instantaneously when someone expressed mental distress due to the war, and he held an obsessive, perfectionist desire for care that if it faltered in any way would cause him to spend the next several days scrutinizing and berating himself.

It became wildly apparent to the Sister that Dr. Turner saw one of the soldiers he was unable to save in his own pregnant wife. In her eyes, it was clear that Dr. Turner had experience some sort of mental instability following his service in the war.

'What if I can not save her?'

This was question that flooded his mind each time Marianne slipped into one of her episodes or her or the baby's health took a turn.

Sister Evangelina saw her place to help and made sure to do so. When the time came for Baby Turner to make their appearance, Sister Evangelina took up her call to action.

Labor had begun close to dawn on a frosty November morning.

—

"Patrick. Patrick, wake up!"

Patrick awoke to find his sheets properly soaked in clear in amniotic fluid, and a terrified wife in the midst of them. Much to his concern, contractions did not arrive until about 2 hours afterwards, but luckily picked up quickly once they did finally begin. Nonnatus House was rung once the pains hit 5 minutes apart, and Marianne could no longer keep silent.

Patrick was frightfully uncomfortable. This certainly was not his first time seeing a laboring woman, but when it is your own wife. Well, it changes things. Nevertheless, he tried his best to coach her through the contractions the best he could with his stereotypical, well-practiced dialogue he said to all his mothers.

But she wasn't all of his mothers. She was his wife.

Although he rarely prayed and did not even know if he believed in God, he prayed today, and prayed that the midwife would hurry up already and take it from here. He was not strong enough for this. After what felt like eternity, but was more likely no more than 20 minutes, Sister Evangelina came knocking on their door, bag and dictating attitude in hand. In true character, he was promptly removed from the bedroom to allow for the women to do their work.

It was a grueling 18 hours of groans, whimpers, screams, and sobs before Sister Evangelina began to question if this baby would come without help. Sister Evangelina had let this labor go on much longer then she normally would ever allow, but she knew that a transport to hospital or even the maternity home would be traumatic for mother, baby, and father.

Baby was refusing to budge despite exhausting the list of solutions. Marianne was at her wits end and was no longer listening to Sister Evangelina or the back up midwife who had arrived several hours before for support. Every time they spoke to her she would thrash her head far back into the pillows refusing to listen to their words of encouragement or instruction. Patrick had stood post and been pacing outside the bedroom door for hours now smoking a countless number of Henleys.

He could not stand it any longer.

It had been hours. Many more hours than Sister Evangelina would ever allow. Enough was enough.

Patrick unceremoniously barged through the door making a beeline for his laboring wife.

"Out! Out! Out! Right now, Doctor!"

Sister Evangelina whipped her head around to see the doctor and was astounded at just how unkempt he looked. His usually pomaded hair was now loose and freed into its natural waved state. It was strewn in all ways across his head with several stubborn pieces falling directly in his face. His eyes were puffed and red and cheeks stained and flushed. All pointing to the conclusion that he had been crying for quite some time now and sleep had completely evaded him. Gone was his coat, tie, and vest, leaving him in a set of wrinkled trousers and a crumpled shirt that was missing cufflinks which forced him to roll it up his forearms. A small glimpse of his chest was provided due to the open buttons and loosened collar around his neck.

In a moment of exasperation and out of character, he pointed his finger towards Sister Evangelina and demanded,

"Absolutely not. You know better than I that she has had an extremely long second stage, and baby is not properly descending into the birth canal. It is in everybody's best interest that a doctor be present."

Even Sister Evangelina could not argue with that. Marianne's blood pressure had been wildly fluctuating, but with her skill and experience had managed to keep it stable enough.

"Pat…Pat? Are you really here?" Marianne whimpered from the mattress. Her hand weakly wavered up from the bed to reach out towards the direction of his voice.

"Of course, dearest. I'm afraid you and baby are having a little bit of trouble. I'm going to be here just to make sure nothing goes amiss."

All doubts of him being unable to handle this situation were out the window. He had to help. He had to.

"I trust you."

"I know you do."

It was at least another painful 45 minutes of breathing, panting, and pushing before Sister Evangelina announced Baby Turner's beautiful vertex was in view and carried an absolute head-full of dark brown hair to prove it.

Patrick was kneeling next to the bed face-to-face with Marianne as she was on her left side with her leg flopped over the Sister's shoulder. One hand was fervently stroking her sweat coated hair out of her face and the other was gripping her hand harder than she was as he coached,

"Breath, Mar, breath. Slowly does it, slowly does it. That's the stuff. You're doing so, so well, my darling." Insisted the 'doctor-who-was-present-only-in-a-completely-medical-capacity. "Let baby do the work. Let baby do all the work now. You've done so well."

"Crowning now, dear Marianne, your baby's head is crowning! Slow push now. Slow, slow push for us." Sister Evangelina coached. "Slowly! Slowly! Slowly! Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, marvelous work, my girl, marvelous work. Next one will do it for us. One more big push for us!"

Patrick looked up. His brown eyes were shining with unshed tears. He never anticipated to ever personally be in this situation. He had always doubted the institution of marriage after seeing the unfaithfulness and violence of his father. Discovering he had no interest in marriage or fatherhood throughout his younger years, he never sought it out. He did not necessarily turn his nose up at the possibility of one day experiencing it, but he had no expectations for it to ever come to him.

Patrick had met Marianne shortly after his release from the psychiatric hospital. She had taken quickly to him, and in desperation for stability, he followed suit. He was ashamed to admit that for the first year or so of their relationship, he did not love her. He used her. She was eager. Cheerful. Did not pry. And bluntly put, a distraction. Marianne knew this but did not mind it. She loved him and truly believed that he would one day as well. Believing this was his one chance, Patrick took the plunge and proposed after a long, yet stable, three year relationship. Patrick had grown to love her in his own way and was genuinely fond of her. It was not the sweeping romance shown in the pictures, but it was happy, and it was stable. Just what he needed.

They were married on a sunny July day in 1947 in the presence of all her family and friends and the small group of his. He was happy, but both of them were naive. They both ignorantly ignored the barriers between them. One of their most obvious barriers was physical.

He had become quite distant in their engagement. He never touched her—really. Only a hand on the small of her back guide her through a crowd. His hand to help her out of a vehicle or off a bus. Occasionally, when publicly necessary, an arm to walk with. Other than that, nothing.

Looking back, he realized that his past self instinctually knew that he was in the wrong. What he was doing to Marianne was not right. She deserved better. He had even tried to let her leave him. He was in no way worthy of Marianne. She was far, far too good for him.

"Marianne, I care for you. I do. Really. Which is why I'm telling you this. I am too much for you. To ask you to bear me and all of my burdens would be far too much to ask. If you want out, I won't be upset with you."

"Patrick…I…I am afraid I do not know what you want me to say. Do you want…out? As you so kindly put it."

"No….," He was lying, "I…I, Marianne, I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy. With you…Patrick," she sighed, "I have to marry you. I have to. Even if I did not want to, and I do! I am over 30 years old and unmarried. Forgive me, but you have no idea what it is like to woman who is unmarried in this society. I am so ashamed. My mother has made sure to tell me that unless I marry you now, I'll never have another chance." She dryly chuckled, "Apparently, I'm far too vocal than what men want. I'm afraid that the war changed me. I always have been, but the war made me quite independent, and I've had trouble letting go of that. You have been wonderful with allowing me that freedom. Patrick, you are a good man. A kind one. You're doctor and will be able to provide for me."

She became too choked up to speak , and tears that had been welling in her eyes began to fall. She moved to sit on the settee in her mother's living room. He slowly joined her; awkwardly, sitting on opposite ends of the piece of furniture. The silence was frightfully loud. Neither one could say how long the sat drenched in stillness.

He hesitated, "Marianne," it was his turn to sigh, "you're right. Certainly you are. I am sorry. It was wrong of me to bring this up."

Marianne shifted to look at him and scooted every so slightly closer to him.

"No! No, Patrick. I am happy you did. I do not expect for you to confess everything of your past. You are nearly a 38 year old bachelor. I am sure you have some things you may not to speak about, and I can respect that."

He moved to sit next to her reached to grab her hands.

"Mar, there is so much that you do not know about me. Things that I am not sure if I will be able to say out loud. I do not want you have to be exposed to that."

He never made eye contact and kept his vision on their now intertwined hands griping each other's.

"Pat…oh Pat…you need not speak about those things if you do not wish. But we can happy. The two of us. We can. Please believe me."

She pressed her forehead into his shoulder and breathed in his scent. He lowered own head to rest a top hers.

The engagement proceeded, and the wedding took place.

—

The physical barrier did not lower once they were wed. He had obviously touched her at their wedding: Offered his arm, held her hand, put his arm around her waist. And even at the end of the night as they prepared for bed, pulled her against his body, brought his hands up to cup her cheeks, licked his lips, and placed a solid kiss on her's. Nothing else happened after that though. Their marriage was not consummated.

They shared a bed. Only occasionally touching each other. He would kiss her cheek each time he left and returned from work. If they ever kissed on the lips, it was Marianne who pulled him down to her level, and it was never more than a swift peck.

Marianne was not a prude. She had worked during the war. Her friends made sure to provide detailed accounts of their liaisons. Her mother had had conversations with her before the wedding. She knew that Patrick was ignoring a vital part of their union.

One night she broached the subject to him. Her seated on the settee mending a sweater and him in his chair smoking a Henley while reading the latest Lancet. He had not always smoked Henleys. It started after his release after he had not been allowed cigarettes out of fear he might hurt himself. When he walked out the doors, the first stop he made was to shop to buy some cigarettes. He grabbed the first pack he could which happened to be Henleys. He never stopped after that; uncharacteristically believing perhaps it brought him some sort of luck.

"Patrick, may I ask you something?" She asked not looking up from her mending.

"Of course, dearest." He responded in the same distant fashion with his eyes not leaving the page as he took a long drag.

"Are you intimate with other women?" She asked finally lifting her eyes from the sweater to gauge his reaction.

His head shot up from the page. Eyes alight with fury and confusion. His body now visibly rigid.

"Marianne. What?" He tightly hushed.

"Are you sleeping with other women?" She repeated her query with insistence.

"Marianne, why would ask that? Do…do you believe that?"

He was angry. He smashed the small remnants of the cigarette he had been smoking into the ashtray on the table next to him.

"Not necessarily. But Patrick, I know that men have needs, and you never once sought relief from me. I know that perhaps I am not as attractive as other women around us, but I won't not lie to you, it is hurtful to think that you would throw your vows away over something like physical attraction. I thought you better than that. Besides I have never been…well…I have never partook in that side of things. I thought you might like that."

Patrick was almost physically sickened by the thought that Marianne believed that he cared about her purity. He had concluded long ago that that sort of thing did not impact his feelings, and he had absolutely no right or business to be passing judgement on what a woman chooses to do with their body.

"First of all, I will have you know that even if you had come having 'partaken' it would not change my view of you. Secondly, Marianne, I would never break my vow to you. Ever. I think and feel far too much for you to ever bring you close to a position like that. I obviously can not deny having not sought relief, as you put it, because of my own insecurities. I will spare the details, but all of my experiences were out of desperation during my younger years. I took…physical…pleasure of out them but the psychological toll was too much for me. I am afraid it has clouded my view of that side of things. I have learned to manage it. I-I-I am sorry, Marianne. I can not talk about this anymore.'

He quickly pushed himself out of his chair, moved across the room, and next thing she heard was the front door opening and loudly slamming shut. He spent the night in his office at his surgery.

—

Patrick returned the next evening with flowers in his hand.

Marianne was sitting at the kitchen table nervously moving her hands around each other. When she heard the door open, her anxiety only rose. His footsteps grew closer to her residing place, and as he came into view, his heart broke at her face. His wife. His young, darling wife thought she was in the wrong for inquiring about the obvious absence in their marriage. She had every right to know why he refused to consummate their union.

She rose from her seated position and they were standing an awkward distance from each other in the kitchen.

"Patrick. Oh Patrick. I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry. Forgive me. I had no reason to pry you about that. It was completely my fault." Marianne sputtered out quickly before he could say anything. She began shaking with silent sobs and moved to cover her face.

Patrick laid the bouquet down on the counter and intercepted her rising arms and pulled them to wrap around his torso. He wrapped his around her shoulders and tucked her head under his cheek as she cried even harder.

"Marianne, I will hear no such apology from you. The only one who needs to be apologizing and is at fault is me. I have been terribly selfish and ignored your own feelings and needs. You have absolutely every right to ask about the intimate side of our relationship. And even though you do not need it, I give you outright permission to pry about how I am fulfilling my desires."

She hesitantly moved her head from under his and moved to look up into his face. Her eyes were frightfully swollen and red. Much more so than if this would have been the first time she had cried. Brownish, purple rings under her eyes testified to the fact that she did not rest well, if at all, the previous night. She sniffled before she quietly spoke.

"Patrick, I never meant to upset you. It's just that I want to make you happy, and I know that you're not like other men, but you are still a man. And…it's just that…ah…my mother…how do I say this?" She had lowered her gaze to look at his lapels. She squared her shoulders and moved to remake eye contact before saying. "She told me that you would most certainly seek my body as a release and that I should be amenable. I want to help you. Please."

Patrick sighed. His heart broke even more than it already was at the thought that this magnificent woman believed that their intimacy would be a chore for her. It was exactly what he was afraid of.

"My dear, it is my hope that if and when we do become intimate," she shivered in his arms as his voice lowered in his register and became graveled, "that you will derive as much satisfaction as I will."

"That's possible?" She was practically red and uncomfortably shifting in arms from embarrassment. "I am afraid I do not even know what you will get out it. I am terribly unaware of these things."

He cracked a rather sensual smile before lowering it his forehead to rest on hers and said, "Oh it most certainly is."

She sheepishly smiled back and pressed further into the embrace before began moving her gaze to his lips. Patrick noticed shift and took initiative.

He moved his face so that his lips pressed firmly against her smooth, rosy ones. His knees practically buckled when she gently moaned into his. He parted her lips and tongues briefly caressed each other before he pulled away, breathed shakily and rasped, "Marianne, dearest, as wonderful as this is, I am not quite ready to go there. I am sorry. It is completely me. Not you in any way."

She a bit disappointedly looked downwards before looking back up with a wry but gentle smile and said, "Of course. When you are, you know who to ask."

They both softly chuckled at her jab.

—

Their marriage was consummated 7 months after their ceremony. It had been unexpected when it did finally happen and had in no way been planned or anticipated. Since that evening shared the kitchen, the couple had gotten more comfortable and frequent in sharing kisses. In the weeks leading up to the main event, Patrick had begun to let his hands wander—not too far, but enough to be suggestive.

It had begun in the same way and simply put, it did not stop.

Patrick slowly pulled back to break their passionate embrace.

"Oh Pat…Pat, please…Pat, please, no." Marianne muttered. She moved to pulled him back to her lips.

"Marianne, are you sure? Are you ready?" Patrick was taking no chances with this and wanted a clear answer.

"Patrick! Am I ready? Of course I am. I believe the question is, are you?" She breathed out.

He was.

Things naturally progressed from there.

It was difficult for them. Marianne quickly discovered that certain parts of their marital relations caused her a fairly great deal of discomfort despite her desire to experience and provide it. Patrick was wonderfully patient and sought to make her as comfortable and satisfied as possible. It was disheartening for her regardless of Patrick's insistence that she was completely blameless in all of this, and he was still happy with their marriage both inside and outside of their marital bed.

Patrick had his suspicions of whether or not there was a medical explanation for this, and his hypothesis was only confirmed as her pregnancy progressed.

Somehow the thought and prospect of children had never crossed his mind until she started to become quite unwell in spring of 1948. She would be awoken almost every morning by nausea and vomiting that would return in the evenings, and would often return home to her squatted in the kitchen or living room experiencing dizziness or lying on their bed with a headache. It embarrassingly took him several days to put it together.

He glanced over his shoulder find the empty spot in his bed that normally occupied his wife. Before he could question her absence, he heard it: vomiting. As a doctor, he was all too familiar with the sounds of gagging, dry heaving, and vomiting to the point that he found himself barely phased.

Patrick rose from the bed and made his way into their bathroom to find Marianne hunched over the toilet trying to empty her stomach—except there was nothing to empty. He lowered himself on the ground next to her before gathering the hair that was grazing her face. She eventually shifted her face so that her flushed, yet pale, cheek rested of the cold seat of the toilet.

"Nothing is coming out," she croaked, "I honestly wish that something would come out. Maybe I would feel somewhat better."

Patrick only pushed her damp hair behind her ear and began to stroke her cheek before asking, "Would you like me to make an appointment for you to se if there is a problem?"

Marianne's now closed eyes slowly opened before she raised her head and gently smiled at her husband. She could not help but be a little amused at the sight of her dear husband seated on the tiled floor of their bathroom with his wavy mop of a hair wildly askew looking worried and unconvincingly confused.

'Mmm it never does seem to want to corporate, does it? Somehow it fits him though.' She indulged herself with the thought.

She stared at him and murmured, "Patrick, don't act like that. You know what's wrong with me. Don't think I don't see you looking at me differently. You've known for weeks. You probably knew before I did!"

He bashfully averted his eyes down to the tile floor before querying, "How long have you known?"

"A week. I have wondered for about 3 though."

"A baby."

"Yes."

"I suppose they're right. Only takes several times—once really."

"You would know better than I." She countered. "Pat," she reached to caress and stroke his cheek with her thumb, "I hope this is alright."

"We don't have much choice do we?"

"I'm afraid not." She whispered to him. Marianne hesitated, "But this could be good. This could be really good. Yes?"

"Of course it can," He was surprised to feel himself grinning, "As long as the baby is like you."

"No! I want him to look and act just like you."

"Him?"

"Yes. Him."

—

And now they were here. Patrick stared at the midwife who just announced that his baby's head was resting in her hand. His baby was about to enter the madness of the world that they called home.

Patrick snapped back and turned to his laboring wife who was whimpering into the pillow absolutely exhausted.

"Mar. Marianne. Marianne, darling. Baby is about to be born. Our little baby is about to be here." He was so proud. "We only need one more big, big push from you." Patrick was practically begging before the next contraction arrived, "I am so proud of you. So, so proud."

Unsure if she even heard him, he looked back down to the end of the bed where Sister Evangelina resided. She looked conflicted.

"Sister?"

"If you utter a single word to a single soul about what I am about to do, you will live to disdain the very day you were born."

Patrick bewilderedly started at her before she motioned for him to join her. He glanced at his wife and realized she was so exhausted she would not even notice the absence of his hand. He quickly shuffled down.

"Finish us off then."

Sister Evangelina backed away leaving him to handle to rest of the birth on his own. Her contraction began as her whimpers turned to groans. With no time to waste, Patrick became Dr. Turner.

"Marianne, big push for us. One more." Tears were pouring down his cheeks as she encouraged her. "Come on. Yes! Yes! Bit more. Little bit more! That's it! Oh…oh…oh Marianne!"

His baby.

His son.

His son was now wailing in his arms making it abundantly clear that he was not pleased with the harsh change in temperatures upon his arrival into his father's arms. Patrick was weeping. Absolutely, positively, completely weeping over his son that was held in his hands. Tears poured down his cheeks and slid down his chin onto his neck. Several probably landed somewhere on the baby.

He was tiny. So very, very tiny. He was a normal size for a newborn baby, but Patrick could not help but be struck by the fact that this small creature was encased in his two hands.

'What a privilege.' He thought.

And then he remembered his wife. His wife. His wonderful, brilliant, magnificent wife who had carried, nurtured, and birthed this child. How could he forget?

"Marianne, we have a son! He is so, so beautiful!" His voice was thick with tears.

Marianne had suddenly been revitalized at the sound of her baby's crying. She had flopped over onto back. Nightgown hiked up around her waist soaked with sweat, fluid, and blood. Legs wide open. It mattered very little to her as she reached for her son. Her arms were aching to hold him.

"The cord, Doctor." Sister Evangelina intervened the touching moment. He chuckled at his forgetfulness and glanced up at the Nun to find tears filling her own eyes. As she leaned in to take over from him, she moved so that her face was directly in line with his grinning profile. She warned into his ear.

"Just so we're clear, Doctor, everyone outside of this room will be under the impression I delivered this baby."

He only smiled wider and grabbed the clamps she was offering and swiftly cut the tie between mother and baby that had sustained and formed his son.

He quickly swaddled baby up in a towel that was placed on the bed for that very purpose and moved to place their son on his mother's chest. Her arms were outstretched and an absolutely beaming and glowing smile plastered her face as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Had he ever seen a more beautiful sight?

His wife holding his son.

If he had doubted it in the past, now he was certain: he was hopelessly in love with that woman.

He had just watched her become the mother of his child.

How could he not love her?

"Oh my dear. Oh my darling." Marianne was crying over her baby as she tried to soften his own. "I want you always to be loved."

He would.

—

Patrick sat back as he remembered that moment. One of the happiest moments of his life. Timothy was his saving grace after Marianne died. A gift from her.

It was when Timothy was around 4 years old when she first began to have issues. Her cycles became longer and more painful. Timothy had to start going to nursery daily for about a week and half as she became incapacitated.

She never really opened up to him about it. He often later blamed himself for not prying more and possibly intervening sooner. He obviously knew something was awry and begged her to go and see a specialist. She refused to even let him examine her and certainly had little desire to inquire further.

For 3 long years, Marianne suffered in agonizing pain often undermining her discomfort for the sake of her husband and son. Timothy knew no different and simply understood that Mummy was sometimes quite poorly. In those times, he would go to nursery, with Daddy to the surgery to play in his office, sometimes even to Nonnatus House to spend time with the nurses and nuns, and to Granny Parker's to be showered with love and cakes.

Her diagnosis was clear and obvious once she finally relented to help after the insistence of Sister Evangelina.

"You are hurting your son by not caring for yourself. You know better than this."

Uterine Cancer.

It was a result and explanation of a slew of issues she had experienced throughout her late 20s and 30s.

Patrick was absolutely ashamed to not have noticed it sooner. Perhaps he had, but just did not want to accept it.

He did not want to think about her death. Not right now. His current wife, his darling, darling, darling, Shelagh, was about to give birth to their third baby any day now.

He could not help but be reminded of his first wife though. Sometimes he wondered if Marianne was watching over them. Ironically, he had always called Shelagh his "Angel" and not Marianne. The latter would make more sense technically. Yet, he had occasionally pondered if Marianne had actually sent Shelagh to him and Timothy.

Marianne had made her requests clearly known during her departure.

She had been sleeping almost constantly, likely due to the large quantities of morphine coursing through her cancer-ridden body. The end was very much near.

Patrick refused to leave her side. Clinging to her hand. Holding it to his face and heart. He knew she was leaving him and yet he refused to accept it. He could barely fathom that there had been a point in his life where he was with her and not utterly in love with her. As soon as he recognized it, she was leaving him.

"Patrick?" She rasped, barely audible "Pat…Pat? Are you really here?" Marianne gripped his hand with the most strength she could muster.

"Of course, dearest. I'm afraid you're having a bit of trouble. I'm going to be here just to make sure nothing goes amiss." His face crumbled into pieces as his sickeningly remembered the last time they had said those words to each other. There would certainly be no baby at the end of all this. He clung tighter to hand and pressed his fervently to his wet cheek.

"Patrick." Her eyes were surprisingly cognizant and fierce. "Patrick, you must promise me something. Please. For my sake. So I can rest easily."

"Marianne. Oh, Marianne…Mar…please don't say that."

"We both know it's true. You know better than I." She managed a wry smile remembering yet another moment they shared.

"Find her."

"What?…Who?…Marianne, who are you talking about? Your mother? She's looking after Timmy. I can get her." He began to rise from the chair to summon his mother-in-law.

"No, Patrick." She forced him to stay and somehow managed to grip even tighter to his hand.

"Find her. The one who you're meant to be with. The love of your life. Your soulmate if you believe in all that."

"Marianne, what are you talking about? You're right here—"

"No. Oh no, Patrick. No, Patrick. We both know I'm not that woman. Perhaps you're mine, but I'm not your's. I can see it. I can feel it. I always could."

Deciding an argument would most definitely not be a good use of the little time they had, Patrick made an attempt at a joke through his tear coated voice.

"You'll have to help me then. You know how bad I am at missing the obvious when it comes to my personal life." He choked out with a wet smile. Her hand was now covered in his salty tears.

She smirked.

"Oh. Oh, I will." She looked up at the ceiling that was behind his head convivially, deep in thought.

"Maybe I'll make her fall. Injure herself." Marianne was beginning to wheeze but managed to continue. "Nothing too serious. No, that would be wrong of me. Enough for her to need your medical expertise. Knowing you though, that would not be enough." She moved her head back to establish eye contact with him before whispering. "Perhaps I can arrange a reason for her to be sent away as soon as you realize and cause you to spend your days and nights pining and longing for her. Mmm…yes, I think that will do best."

They managed to share a small laugh.

"And where will Timmy be in all of this?" He humored her.

"Oh he'll be painfully aware of what's happening." Her face fell as it became serious. "She's going adore him. My little Tim. Oh." Tears of joy begin to rain on her cheeks "Oh. She'll love him so much. I'll make her forget sometimes that he's not her's…He'll never forget me though. I know it."

"No. He won't. I won't let him."

"Good. Good." She smiled again. "And I think I'll see if I can't find some siblings for Tim."

"Siblings? As in more than one?"

"Oh yes. A whole brood of children." She held her eye contact with his tear glistened brown ones.

"Promise me, Patrick. Find her. Promise me right now."

"Marianne—"

"Patrick, promise me. Cross your heart right now."

"Alright. Just for you." He put his right hand over his heart. "I promise."

"Thank you."

—

Sister Evangelina had been there with him as Marianne left the world. Just as she had been when his son entered the world. Once again she had been there to help guide him through the waters he had never anticipated in drowning in. It was ironic, poetic really, the two of them sparred more than any other midwife he had ever worked with. And yet, there she was, by his side.

When he had proposed to Shelagh and word spread through Nonnatus, he avoided her. Out of complete and utter fear.

One day though, she called him out to a delivery. Classic case of forceps. All ended well and as they were cleaning up and leaving, the inevitable arrived.

"So. Dr. Turner, how is Shelagh?"

"She is quite well. I'll be sure to tell her you asked after her. She will appreciate it."

She pursed her lips. He feared for his survival.

"Doctor…I need know only one thing."

"Yes?"

"Do you love her?"

"She's the love the of my life, Sister."

She cocked an eyebrow, smirked, nodded, and moved on with her day. She did not let him off the hook. Oh no. She took every chance she got to make a comment about the doctor taking one of her sisters.

—

Patrick brooded over his cup of tea as he remembered several other memories with Sister Evangelina. His discovery that she spoke to Shelagh about her infertility, her first visit to meet their Angela, his hearing about her health issues, her stroke, and most difficult of all—having to be the one to pronounce her death. The only one harder than that one was Marianne.

That was a memory for another day. Sister Evangelina would most certainly not be pleased with him spending this much time remembering her. She might condone his late wife's memory, but her certainly not her own.

Instead, he smiled down at ring that now was housed on his left hand.

'Yes.

Sister Julienne is a most appropriate choice for my Shelagh.'

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chalkrevelations · 3 years

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Episode 31 of Word of Honor, and in many ways OH MY GOD YES, but also, no, show, wtf?

As in, wt actual f is going on? Literally, what is happening?

(Spoilers, so scroll away and come back later, if you need to.)

So, first thing’s first: I feel like this one may end up a bit short, because a lot of it is likely to be just a bunch of keysmash flailing? (EDIT: No, I just came back up here to the top from the bottom, because this is NOT AT ALL any shorter than usual.) I’ll attempt a bit more than exclamation points and worry over whether my poor heart is able to take this, but we’ll see how it goes, because the first thing I’m going to do is say I knew it! and I told you so! I knew you weren’t planning to die, Zhou Zishu. I did call you a liar after Ep 30, and I was right. I mean, what’s the point of having the terrifying master of the Ghost Valley as your boyfriend husband if he’s not going to rescue you after you’ve been kidnapped for attempted ravishment by the evil prince? And get you the best wedding present ever, i.e., a bunch of new disciples? Omg, Zhou Zishu’s face when Wen Kexing finally calls himself a disciple of Four Seasons Manor! (I think he’s so overwhelmed, he doesn’t even realize when WKX calls him “shixiong” a minute before that!) Wen Kexing’s tiny pained smile that he just can’t seem to help when ZZS lays his hand on WKX’s head! That long shuddering breath ZZS lets out, and the way his shoulders just drop, like he’s finally let go of a huge weight! (The worry this brings me, because there are five and a half episodes left, my dude, and your husband is a troublemaker, and I would not be getting complacent, if I was you.) The fact that WKX has knelt to ZZS and called him zongzhu in front of the Ghost Valley contingent – there’s gotta be some political implications to that. Horseback riding! The way WKX keeps holding (up) ZZS! Lol at WKX being all, you all can leave now, we can take our honeymoon alone from here! ZZS knew he would come (I told you so)! Their smiles! Their soft little faces! (Merciless killers! How so fucking adorable?) The hairpin! MARRIED, Y’ALL. Censorship? I don’t know her. ANYWAY, that’s all just a bunch of flailing reaction to the first almost 20 minutes of emoporn. Also, Zhang Zhehan, you should not do suffering so pretty. It makes me feel like a bad person for still enjoying your face so much when your character is in so much physical and emotional distress.

Secondly, show. We need to talk. You should not be this opaque. I’m trying to piece together everything that’s happened in (vaguely) chronological order:

Sometime before dying (before breaking his heart meridians?), Han Ying tells Wen Kexing about the Four Seasons Remnants back with Prince Jin. All of Ep 30 happens, with Zhou Zishu and Xie Wang both making a mess of Awful Prince’s/Yifu’s plans. Xie Wang, the rest of the Scorpions, and the Ghost Valley team retreat back to a lair. Which lair? Who knows, at this point. Cao Weining talks to Fan Shishu. (He explicitly tells this to A-Xiang.) But does he also confront Mo Huaiyang? Because I feel like it must be significant that we get the same turn of phrase to describe Zhao Jing’s relationship with Xie Wang – asking a tiger for its skin – from Mo Huaiyang to Fan Shishu, and then attributed to Cao Weining when A-Xiang quotes it to WKX in the same ep. The show even emphasizes this for us to catch by drawing attention to A-Xiang’s use of it via her struggle to remember the idiom properly. (A. This episode’s convo between Mo Huaiyang and Fan Shishu, which is when we see Mo Huaiyang actually use the idiom, happens AFTER Cao Weining and Gu Xiang leave Gentle Wind Sword Sect. I went back and checked, and it is Mo Huaiyang who uses it, not Fan Shishu. B. In this same convo, Fan Shishu says he still needs to explain all this to the disciples somehow, so C. Was there a prior, unseen convo between just Cao Weining and Mo Huaiyang in which Mo Huaiyang practiced his excuses on poor, hapless Cao Weining first?)

Anyway, Cao Weining then goes to A-Xiang, who’s lit. and fig. in the dark at this point, in her rustic cabin outside the gated community. I notice Cinnamon Roll already has his bag packed. He is done. He lays out the current political web, and A-Xiang seems pretty sure of Liu Qianqiao’s ultimate loyalty to WKX. This is probably important in what happens next. Gu Xiang and Cao Weining decide to run away and elope but then … get captured and taken to the lair. On purpose? A-Xiang did see Liu Qianqiao with Xie Wang in the Secret Cave, standing shoulder to shoulder with Du Pusa as an apparent top-tier henchwoman, and she probably expects to be protected, but this seems like a pretty big gamble. I suppose you don’t survive the Ghost Valley without learning to take some risks. A-Xiang then leads Xie Wang and the Ghost Valley contingent to WKX (at burned-down Four Seasons Manor?) to, she says, let WKX take down Xie Wang. She notes Xie Wang’s use of some potion to control everyone – I assume the Drug Man potion, and I assume the monthly antidote is what’s keeping everyone in the Ghost Valley from going full Drug Man?

WKX and Xie Wang confer in secret. Probably about how much they both hate Awful Yifu. I mean, I assume Xie’er still hates Awful Yifu at this point, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? Probably a key point here: WKX is hiding whatever this was about from his husband. My dude, why are you still like this? I guess that explains the pained cast to that tiny little smile earlier. WKX then takes some of the Ghost Valley contingent and coordinates with the Four Seasons Remnants back in Prince Jin’s territory to rescue ZZS. Husband safely rescued, WKX now heads back to Ghost Valley, to … abdicate? He promises A-Xiang he’s going to come back safely, and my dude, I’m trying to believe you. I really am. I’m trying to have as much faith in you planning to be back all along as I had in ZZS not planning to die in Jin Palace all along, but here’s a key difference: HE LET YOU IN ON HIS PLAN. Which you were a key part of. I find your secrecy, by contrast, concerning.

Other things:

Love the little moment between Gu Xiang and Liu Qianqiao and Luo Fumeng when Beauty Ghost and Tragicomic Ghost turn to Xie Wang in righteous indignation and want to know what the fuck he thinks he’s doing to their little girl. Compare the reaction of these two moms to Happy Ghost being all, “Nope, this is a complete and total in with Wen Kexing right here in a pretty pink dress.” The show continues to draw a fairly bright line between the characterization of the women in the Department of the Unfaithful - who are terrorizing certain people, true, but also watching out for each other after ending up down on their luck – and the general run of men in Ghost Valley, who are basically rotten sociopaths straight out of Batman’s rogues gallery and will sell you out in a minute for their own gain. Yes, this has been made fairly explicit in Wen Kexing’s and A-Xiang’s commentary in past eps and later in this ep about trying to get the Department of the Unfaithful out of the line of fire while not caring if the jianghu burns down the rest of Ghost Valley, but this isn’t just favoritism or a whim, just some fond memories of Luo Fumeng being kind to them a couple of times in the past. I think there’s some commentary here on the kind of men who are so far gone they find themselves outside the bounds of “civilized” society and the kind of women who do – how much easier and quicker it is for a woman, that it could be any woman in the wrong circumstances, and how much further gone a man has to be than a woman to be considered a “devil.” We’ve seen these supportive interpersonal relationships among the women since Gu Xiang “adopted” her two girls in the first handful of episodes and told off Lovelace with the threat of Tragicomic Ghost – and the show is continuing to show it, not just tell it. It’s one of the things I’ve found frustrating about Wen Kexing a couple of times in past eps, when he’s trying to get A-Xiang’s two girls, or other women from the Department, to just leave and go do something else – I feel like even though WKX realizes their circumstances and their personalities are different from the rest of his Top Ten Devils, he’s not fully comprehending that they literally have nowhere else to go, that if they had any other options, they wouldn’t have ended up there in the first place. He called the two girls “puppies” when he talked about A-Xiang having to take care of them, but as Ghost Valley master, who’s enforced the independence of and protections for the Department of the Unfaithful, he’s walking away from his own basketful of puppies. Not to mention, this is one of the vanishingly small places in this particular version of the jianghu that we’ve seen women have any autonomy and power. I … think there may have been a few young female cultivators in Yueyang Sect, but while I’d have to go back and watch to be sure, I remember the Hero’s Conference being a whole bunch of men throwing their … weight around. Anyway, I also love that it looks like A-Xiang tries to kick Happy Ghost in the shin, because of course she does.

Visually, they had a cool thing going on there with the Tian Chuang behind WKX falling in concert with WKX lowering his fan, but they didn’t quite coordinate it enough, and then they cut away too soon. Bah. It was set up to be a very cool visual, if only they had committed to it. Meanwhile Duan Pengju, this asshole, omg. He’s trying to pull off the Collar of Evil and is not succeeding. Srsly, his Collar of Evil is droopy. It doesn’t stop him from monologuing like he’s the actual villain and not some sad-sack lackey. You showed the correct amount of amused disdain during your interaction, but I can’t believe you left him alive at the end of it, Wen Kexing.

I wasn’t really feeling Jing Beiyuan and Wu Xi up until this ep when Jing Beiyuan was teasing A-Xiang about her lack of shame over running away with her lover. OK, fine, you can stay, Qi Ye. Also, wow. Speaking of lack of shame, I can’t believe you just accused your husband of bride kidnapping right in front of everyone’s salads, because that is totally what just happened there.

So the band is (almost all) back together, minus Chengling, who has definitely found out in the worst possible way that one of his dads is the terrifying master of the Ghost Valley that massacred his family and sect. So, this should go well.

Lol at Xie’er lounging in Wen Kexing’s Ghost Valley master seat like some kind of consort. He’s already got a husband, Xie’er. One that would not be happy with a concubine running around, I think. I do wonder what the full scope of their plan/understanding is, bubbling away under this stare-down.

A note – WKX’s hair is styled differently in this ep in the Ghost Valley master scenes than it has been before. Previously, those side bangs were further forward and a little bit chunkier, which, I think, narrowed his face and also helped emphasize the wild-eyed look. They’re wispier and back further, now, which I think softens his face, even when he’s trying to look imposing. Makes him look more, dare I say, human.

And now, I’m going to go have a few Han Ying/Bi Xingming thoughts, actually. God, those months after ZZS left, can you imagine what that was like for them? Han Ying having watched those nails placed in Bi Xingming’s shifu in the first ep, and then having to turn around and go to Bi Xingming and tell him that ZZS was gone, with the seven nails in him? Both of them trying to hold the Four Seasons Remnants together – and then Ying-ge comes back one day and says he’s found ZZS? Mutual aid and comfort, my dudes. Also some projection. I’m just sayin’. Meet me, I guess - this kind of sideline action and extremely rare pair thing is how I tend to roll.

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #gu xiang #cao weining #liu qianqiao #luo fumeng #xie wang #jing beiyuan #wu xi #zhang chengling #han ying #bi xingming #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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sssssssim · 2 years

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So far I’ve ranked the Marvel Disney+ shows in the order they came out, which is to say that WandaVision is my fave and Loki is my least fave. But Hawkeye might just take 2nd place for me, holy wow. I think part of it has to do with Clint being the OG6 and so there’s a lot of nostalgia, and also all the Natasha mentions - I am not okay! Definitely wasn’t expecting it to make me emotional/cry every episode so far. I know Clint sadly gets a lot of hate in this fandom, but I’ve always adored him and he and Kate have such a wonderful dynamic. I’m so so sad there are only 2 episodes left :(

It's absolutely impossible for me to rank the shows. Because they're all amazing, but so very different.

Like, I cannot compare Loki and Falcon and Winter Soldier because they are two very different genres of tv shows. I can't compare WandaVision and Loki either, for the same reason.

That being said... I am very biased about Hawkeye. This was going to be my favorite since the moment they announced it, no matter how good or bad it was, because the Kate and Clint comics are one of the four comics I've ever read in my life. ... And I've read them six times.

It's good tv, though. Even if you haven't read any of the comics, even though you know nothing of Kate, nothing outside of the MCU, it's still a good tv show.

And, mah dude, it's okay. I've cried after the first 5 minutes and 20 seconds. Really. On episode 4, I went from laugh-crying to full on sobbing in the span of 30 seconds. I cry at every intro/outro graphic. It's all good, it's the good type of crying.

And yeah, I'm terrified that there's only two episodes left, cuz I feel like there's still a whole lot that needs to happen. Fingers crossed we get a couple of more seasons.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind getting 6 seasons of Kate, Clint making a cameo once a season. I would love that.

#hawkeye #hawkeye tv #sim watches hawkeye #sim answers

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barisiscourtroom · 3 years

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After 22x10, I, as so many others, quickly decided that it was Rafael on the phone (Sonny even wore his tie!), so I wrote an episode related thing. I’m ace myself, and I like the idea of ace!Sonny, and I hc them both as gay (strangely enough, since I tend to always hc everyone as bi, but not Barisi for some reason), so this is my take on what could happen after that episode.

Once again a huge thank you to @novemberhush for the beta read and for answering all my questions and helping me make this better! ♥

A Call to Come Out ao3

1559 words | Teen warnings: mentions internalized homophobia characters: Sonny Carisi, Rafael Barba, Amanda Rollins tags: Sonny Carisi & Amanda Rollins friendship, Episode Related, Post-Episode: 22x10 Welcome to the Pedo Motel, Established Relationship, Asexual Sonny, Gay Sonny, Gay Rafael, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia

Sonny accepted the call with an apologetic smile to Rafael. "Amanda," he said both in greeting and to let Rafael know who it was. He got up from the couch to head towards the kitchen. "How is everything?"

"Hey, Sonny, I don’t really want to talk about it, I just wanted to hear a friendly voice," Amanda said, making Sonny smile.

"Okay, I can do that," he said.

"You were about to tell me something when I got the call," Amanda said.

Sonny remembered that all too well. His awkwardness as he tried to speak still embarrassed him. "Yeah," he said.

"Tell me now? It was about that hot date of yours, wasn’t it?" Amanda said, her voice teasing.

"Yeah, it was, and, uh, about me." He took a deep breath and looked at Rafael, who was still sitting on the couch, doing something on his phone. He must have sensed Sonny watching him, because he turned to give him a reassuring smile and a nod. Sonny nodded back and spoke, "I’m gay."

"I, uh. Okay," Amanda said.

"I’m also asexual, apparently," Sonny said.

"What, uh, I don’t know what that means?" Amanda said.

"It means I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone, and for me, it also means that I… don’t really want sex," Sonny said quietly. Rafael had told him that it was no one's business but his, that he didn’t have to tell anyone if he didn’t want to, and Sonny knew that was true, but he wanted to tell Amanda, she was his best friend. Second best friend, but Rafael was also his partner, so he wasn’t sure he should count him.

"Okay," Amanda said slowly. Sonny wished he could see her, so he could read her silences.

"But, uh, yeah, so I have a… we don’t really like the term boyfriend, I mean, we’re both over 40, we’re not exactly boys anymore, so I guess I have a partner," Sonny said.

Amanda huffed a soft laugh. "Okay, well, that’s nice though, congratulations, I’m happy for you," she said, and Sonny breathed out in relief. Which she obviously heard. "Aw, hey, come on."

"Sorry," Sonny hurried out, "it’s just that you’re, well, you’re the first person I’ve told, except, uh-"

"Your hot date?" Amanda teased, and it was Sonny’s turn to huff a little laugh.

"Yeah, except my hot date," he said. "And you’re important to me, it’s… really scary and you’re my best friend, and it’s terrifying, especially considering our history, and I don’t want to hurt you."

"Oh," Amanda said.

Sonny pulled a kitchen chair out to sit, putting his elbows on the table and his hand over his eyes. "I didn’t - I guess I thought my feelings for you back then were romantic, because I love you and you mean the world to me, and because I… well, I guess I didn’t want to accept being gay, and I didn’t know then that I don’t feel sexual attraction, I just thought that’s how everyone felt, so when I have felt the way that I feel about you before, I’ve thought it was normal, that I’ve been in love, because even if I always felt… differently about men, I just pushed that down and ignored it, you know?"

His heart was beating hard in his chest, his throat tight, and he very nearly begged her to know what he meant, to understand, because he didn’t want to hurt her, he needed her to be his friend.

"I��" Amanda started slowly, quietly, and Sonny squeezed his eyes shut, his breath shallow. "I don’t know, I guess, because I do feel sexual attraction, so I don’t think I can ever understand, not really, but… I think I understand what you mean."

"Yeah?" Sonny rasped.

"Yeah, of course," Amanda said. Her voice was a little rough, like she was holding back tears too, and Sonny pressed his thumb and index finger against his eyelids. "So, you want to tell me about your partner?"

The forced cheer in her voice was fairly obvious, but she was trying, so Sonny would too.

"It’s, uh, well, he has said it’s okay to tell you who he is, but you gotta promise you won’t make fun of me, okay?" Sonny asked.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," Amanda said, mock serious, and Sonny huffed another laugh and rubbed his eyes before lowering his hand.

"Rafael Barba," he said, and just saying his name had Sonny smiling.

"Rafael Barba," Amanda repeated faintly.

"Yeah," Sonny said.

"And you made me promise not to make fun of you, Sonny, you’re the worst," Amanda said.

Sonny grinned. "Well, I do know you, and I’m not as stupid as everyone thinks, you know," he said.

"Rafael Barba," Amanda said. "Sonny Carisi and Rafael Barba. Holy crap."

"Yeah, yeah," Sonny said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, tell me everything," Amanda said. "I mean, I know how you met, but how did you meet, you know?"

"I mean, looking back at it, I think that I was in love with him the whole time, but I told myself I just admired him, you know. Then, when he left, our relationship changed, we started talking about other things than work and law, mostly by text at first, or if we met up for drinks or something, then one day we came to talk about religion and homosexuality, and I sorta accidentally came out to him. I panicked, Amanda, really, it was bad, but he’s gay and grew up Catholic, he handled it really well, and he helped me a lot and made me see that I can be both.

"Then, during the trial, we met a lot more than usual. I mean we barely met every other month before, not even that often during last year with the virus and all, but over the trial I saw him every day and my feelings became very clear to me, it was so obvious, I don’t know how I could have ever convinced myself it wasn’t there. So I told myself I’d tell him once the trial was over, if nothing else just to admit that I had feelings for a man, but he beat me to it and asked me on a date before I could," Sonny said.

"Rafael Barba asked you on a date," Amanda said.

Sonny grinned, he knew he probably looked love-struck and stupid, but Rafael Barba had asked him on a date, he was allowed. "Yeah, he did. He said he’d been flirting with me for years, called me dense for not noticing," he said, smiling at the memory.

"God, you sound so in love, wow, I didn’t know you-" Amanda abruptly stopped herself, but she quickly continued, "You sound happy, Sonny, and I really am happy for you."

"Thanks, Amanda, that means a lot to me," Sonny said.

They talked for nearly 20 minutes, mostly about him and Rafael, about their dates and about their long conversations, both before and after the trial, about how Rafael had been the one to explain asexuality to Sonny and how it felt realizing he was asexual, about how supportive Rafael had been while Sonny learned to understand himself in relation to most other people. They talked until Amanda realized that Sonny was at Rafael’s place.

"Why are you talking to me then?" she asked.

"Because you’re my friend, Amanda," Sonny said.

"And I love you for that, but go be with your man," Amanda said.

"Are you okay?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah, it helped to talk for a bit, thanks, Sonny. I’ll tell you more later, I just… really don’t want to talk about it right now," Amanda said.

"Okay, I’m here if you need me," Sonny said.

"I know. We’ll talk soon, okay?" Amanda said.

"Yeah, talk soon, take care," Sonny said.

"Say hi to Barba," Amanda said, and Sonny swore he could hear her grin.

"I will, and I’m sure he says hi back," he said as flatly as he could manage. It made Amanda huff out a little laugh though, so he considered it a success.

"Bye, Sonny," she said.

"Bye, Amanda," he said.

He tapped the phone to end the call, then he got up and put the chair back before going back to the living room to sit next to Rafael again.

"How’d it go?" Rafael asked softly.

"Good, I think," Sonny said. "She says hi, and she said she was happy for me."

"Good," Rafael said, leaning back against the couch and wrapping an arm around Sonny’s shoulders to tug him closer.

"I said you’d say hi back," Sonny said, tilting his head to smile at Rafael, who rolled his eyes.

"Say hi back," he said dryly, but then his face softened, and he smiled as he leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of Sonny’s mouth. "I’m glad it went well, I know how important she is to you and I know how scary it can be. I’m proud of you."

"I couldn’t have done it without you," Sonny said, because it was true.

"I don’t believe that for a second, but I’m glad I could help at all," Rafael said. "Do you want to stay tonight?"

Sonny sighed and settled in more comfortably, his head tucked into the crook of Rafael’s neck. "Yeah, I’d like that," he said.

#Barisi #Barisi fic #Smowkie's fic #asexual!Sonny

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amarienne · 3 years

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It’s been two days. My blood still boils when I think of all the lost potential. (ramblings regarding how out of character the finale was)

Never before has an episode of any show, or a chapter of any book, or a scene of any movie has made me so upset. There is rage inside of me and the question of ‘how can a writer betray his own characters like this’.

(huge post following.)

I was not a hardcore destiel shipper. When I first started watching SPN a few years ago I knew of the ship but I thought that there was no chance in Hell a show like this would make it canon. And if we had never gotten 15x18 and some parts of 15x20 maybe I would be a tiny bit happier with how the finale went.

But the biggest mistake they did was give us the confession scene and not only that but echo it in Dean's actions in 15x19.

'That's not who I am'

This line keeps coming back to me because literally two episodes ago we saw Dean willing to sacrifice himself, Jack and even Sam so Chuck would disappear. He was red with rage and he didn't care for anything else apart winning. Let's not forget the thing that made him stop for a minute was Cas questioning Sam on why they should not go ahead with the plan. [Oh, there are plenty to be said for the only angel in all the universes that didn't just 'follow orders' after 'gripping him tight and raising him from perdition' but I won't go into that here.]

And sure, all that was Chuck's writing, but wasn't everything?

So what I am trying to say is that in three consecutive episodes we see:

-Dean full of anger and rage and ready to do anything to win -Dean giving up, losing hope after being cornered -Dean and TFW (minus Cas) finally overpower Chuck and walk away peacefully

So what changed? What made Dean walk away redifining himself as something different than the 'ultimate killer'?

Castiel. Of course, Castiel. The confession was so precious not only because Cas professed his love for Dean. No. It was vital to the plot of the next episode. And that was because before Cas utterred 'I love you' he spoke of how he sees Dean. How the way he sees himself is not the way Cas and the rest of the world sees him. How everything he has ever done, good and bad, was for love. Only for love. Not winning, not gaining power or wealth or recognition. But for love. At that moment Dean sees himself as Cas sees him, and it leaves him struck, speechless. Dean, who always had a snarky line ready is in awe trying to understand the words he is hearing.

And then, after everything is done and dusted we see Dean say 'That's not who I am' mirroring Cas' final words. The words he spent I don't know how much time sitting on the floor against the wall thinking about and crying. Noone else had gotten across to Dean like that, not even Sam. And we see that he started adopting Cas' image of him, believing it to be true. Or starting to.

Dean Winchester overpowered the ultimate villain and chose to stay true to Cas' image of him instead of taking revenge for Chuck screwing him over all his life.

This is poetic and heartbreaking, especially knowing Cas is gone. Not having Dean talk about the confession in 15x19 makes sense. We see glimpses of him numb at the loss, mourning Cas, wanting him back. We see the hope in his face when he thinks he is back. All these things make sense for 15x19, and even though we were sad we had to wait for the next episode hoping to see something tangible (aka the week we all clowned) I was content. The battle was done, the main plot was wrapped up. All was left was to see where all this last minute huge (especially for Dean) character progression and self acceptance would end up.

And then fucking 15x20 happens. It is like the writers threw in a cardboard box all the above points and details and threw it in the ocean. Nothing, absolutely nothing after the first 5 minutes makes sense in this fucking episode!

The montage at the beginning filled me with warmth and happiness. Dean (and Sam) are having a normal morning. Dean looks happy, he is eating, not depicted as overly drinking and most of all he has Miracle. He is focusing his love and affection on another living being. Sweet and warm. He plans to spend the afternoon eating pie with his brother. Goofy and light. The man deserves it for a bit.

But then we get the mention of Cas from Sam and we see how Dean reacts. How can Dean, who was sobbing on the floor and was demanding Cas to be brought back basically an episode ago keep an emotionless face and brush it off. We get the line 'If we don't keep living all that sacrifice was for nothing'. So we are meant to believe that right now Dean is not particularly bothered with Cas' death because it was a sacrifice to save the world. At this point a dread is starting to fill me.

Um, if it was the first time Cas was dying I would understand this. We have seen Dean broken over Cas' death before multiple times under more peaceful circumstances. Dean wouldn't leave Purgatory without Cas and you are trying to convince me after gaining true free will and finally writing his own story Dean would not break every cosmic rule to bring Cas back? Even if he did not reciprocate romantic feelings? This is the textbook definition of out of character in my eyes. Screw the romantic aspect because we ship it. Strip all the glances, touches and sexy lines we enjoy to gif and think back to feed the good ship Destiel, forget about it.

Keep the core of their relationship- the '3rd Winchester brother' who has stuck through thin and thick with them for the past 12 years. You mean to tell me Dean would be happy leaving Cas in the Empty and continue living his life? How is that possible? How is that Dean? How is it possible that we would not see Dean at least trying?

And then 20 minutes later comes the complete opposite of the line Dean wants to stick by. 'If we don't keep living all that sacrifice was for nothing'

But Dean does not keep living, does he? He doesn't grow happy or old. He doesn't start a family or open a bar or learn to dance. He doesn't honour Cas' sacrifice. He dies in the most unimaginitive way. And it is cruel. So cruel.

Dean went from having the strong belief that he would die young on a hunt fighting a monster, saving someone, machete and gun in his hand to starting to accept there is more to him than killing things.

And this fucking episode did a full backtrack and what did it give us?

Dean dying young on a hunt fighting a monster, saving two kids, machete and gun in his hand.

We got Dean dying in a way that gave us a 10 minute speech on how much he loves Sam. We got Dean dying in pain, scared and terrified. We got Dean getting a hunter's funeral with only Sam attending. We saw at Mary's funeral how a hunter's goodbye should look like. Room full of friends, mementos and alcohol. And Dean doesn't get any of that to honour his life.

How can he deserve that? How is it possible?

Even with Heaven 2.0 now being this trully idyllic place how can this be what Dean deserves?

And Sam... Sam gets to grow old in pain and regret. One foot on Earth with his family, one foot ready to follow Dean. Did anyone think Sam looked happy in that montage? Leaving the only home he shared with Dean? Presumably giving up his hunter friends, not even playing a 'Bobby' kind of role? Keeping the Impala in a dusty garage?

Jack... Jack who said he would be hands off, but how am I supposed to believe this would include his family? And even if he didn't heal/save Dean you mean to tell me he wouldn't be there for Sam? I am thinking of Jack appearing after Dean dies, supporting Sam's weight as he collapses, explaining why he can't bring him back. Standing next to Sam as Dean's body is burning.

And Cas... Cas who finally told Dean his truth and then sacrificed himself, content. Cas was saved from the Empty. No longer in eternal sleep sufferring. Working with Jack to rebuild Heaven. And... what? Cas who made Earth his true home, who was talking through tears how he loved the whole world through loving Dean, chose to stay in Heaven? Not stepping in Earth? Not getting in contact with the brothers? Waiting for them to die to talk to them again? And even when Dean dies he is not there to welcome him along with Jack? How is that possible?

We had gotten to know these characters so well over the past 15 seasons. How can the writers give us such a finale, so OOC for all three of them?

How can we not get a scene with Dean and Cas after the last two episodes?

Why have the confession, why have this be Cas' true moment of happines?

Why have the prayer in Purgatory a few episodes back?

Why have Dean break down in a way he has never broken down before?

What is the point of all this if there will be no climax? Even if it is the tiniest nudge, a couple words and a hug.

It makes absolutely no fucking sense. Up until now it felt like all roads, all plot points were converging to one- happiness, peace, love and family.

But no. We got a finale that would make sense 15 years ago. 15 seasons worth of character development and relationship building (not just Destiel, but Sam + Eileen, Jody, Donna and the girls, Charlie and so many others) and we got a finale that basically had Dean die so Sam could have a family.

As others have said here in tumblr Dean and Sam's lives on Earth would end up being exactly the same they ended up being if Dean did not go to get Sam that night.

How can a writer choose this fate for their characters? Why explore everything we watched on our screens, if on the last episode you decide to press delete on 15 seasons and basically deliver episode 1 if something had gone wrong and Dean died?

It makes no sense! It makes no sense regressing your characters 15 years and taking out of them all the experiences, especially those of the past few episodes.

You strip them into their season 1 selves. You strip them from all the layers of friendships, relationships, pain, experience and wisdom they went through and you strip them down to just two broken brothers, sticking together hunting things and saving people til the end. Which yes, they were.

But that was not all they were. Supernatural was a show about the family you make, not the family you get dealt with. Sam and Dean MADE the choice of sticking together. Yes they were brothers, but we know how easy it would have been to lead very different lives which would resulted in never seeing each other. They chose to stick together and they chose to build a family based on love, not blood.

And we got nothing of that legacy.

Is is unfair and it betrays not us, the fans, but the characters.

And that's what's hurting most.

#i am sorry for the long rant #supernatural #spn #dean #sam #castiel #destiel #15x20 #15x19 #15x18 #supernatural finale #carry on #mine

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years

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WIP Wednesday: Whumptober Previews, Take 2

I still have a few more to go, but I am in the final stretch for writing my @whumptober2020 pieces! I already posted one preview of what I have so far (you can see Days 1-12 here), so here are previews for the rest of what I have written - and sneak peeks at what’s planned out but not written yet!

Whumptober starts tomorrow - we’ll see how you feel about my work this go-round! Last year, Whumptober Day 1 introduced Daniel Michaelson. This year... it starts with Danny, too.

Day 13:

“Vanni, they thought he was you.”

“I know, Ridley!” Rossi never snapped at Ridley, but here it was, and Connor forced in a hitching, shaky inhale around the tremendous, inescapable weight pressing down on him, determined to keep breathing long enough to understand. “I know they did.”

“And they fucking poisoned him and then dumped him to fucking die-”

“I know!” The two men went silent for a second, Ridley staring with shock at Rossi and Rossi glaring furious towards the window without looking back. Connor’s breath, rattling in his struggling lungs, was the only sound in the room.

Day 14:

Peter glanced over his shoulder, back towards the house. The thermometer had climbed a little more, reading 98.5 degrees Farenheit now, and Peter blinked as he shivered again, swallowing without any saliva. His mouth felt dry, and strange. Why was he shivering - how did he have goosebumps - if it was almost one hundred degrees?

As if he’d heard Peter’s thoughts, the side door opened and Micheal came out, wearing his weekend outfit of slim black slacks and a pale heathered gray t-shirt, what Madam allowed him to wear. He was carrying a glass of water with ice and a little striped straw stuck in the top. The black shock collar he was never allowed to remove - not yet, Madam said, not until Micheal learned how to be silent without needing encouragement, to her satisfaction - cut a wide band across his neck, the black box small and nearly perfectly blended in at the back.

“Peter,” He said in a low voice - not quite a whisper, but just as quiet. “I brought you a drink, I-” He looked up, squinting towards the sky. “It’s hot. Should you be out here?”

Day 15:

He drops back to the ground, groaning, eyes fluttering open and shut, before he reaches out to grip onto Ora’s arm again. He turns to look at them, and his eyes are glowing so brightly he can see the reflected light on Ora’s face, the flicker of yellow against their irises. There are things that move beneath the light in Ryan Michaelson’s eyes, and he no longer feels them pushed back under the surface of his skin.

“I’m so fucking hungry,” He whispers, and his fingernails dig into Ora’s arm until they begin to bleed and whimper, but they don’t - can’t - pull away. Not until he lets them.

They will be lost in his eyes until he decides to let them go.

Day 16:

Count to ten, Tris! One… two...

Her voice is so loud he jumps, but when he looks to the left, nothing’s there. Just the white walls, plain and featureless, white tiles that were smooth under his fingertips back when he was allowed to touch them.

Everything is cold, and the boy has been shivering for so long that his muscles ache from the constant tense-and-release, tense-and-release, struggling to keep him warm.

Day 17:

She giggles a little, then glances over her shoulder, mouths something at the cameraman. Oliver can guess what. Edit that out.

Kelly Donahue doesn’t want the episode to be aired with her giggling like a schoolgirl at a bit of idle flattery. Well. Everyone has their things they like to hide, don’t they?

She has her giggle. Oliver has a teenage boy locked in his bedroom.

Day 18:

“Your mother,” Patrick interrupted, with gentle violence, “believes that you are squandering an opportunity.”

“An-... a what-”

“We respect your decision - and your brother’s - to refuse interviews, especially at his early date.” Patrick sounded like he’d rehearsed this answer, delivered with the same smooth cadence he had during his speeches before the Board of Directors. “But, considering the effort it took us to find you-”

“The effort it took Nate to find us,” Ryan corrected, ice growing along his veins at the same time it took over his voice. “Nate. It was Nate who watched the videos, it was Nate who talked Abraham into showing him the yard, it was Nate who spent fucking night after fucking night trolling fucking satellite photos to try and find us. Don’t act like the effort came from you. It came from my brother’s goddamn fiance.”

Day 19:

“If this is a trap, I’m going to owe Gavin fifty bucks.” Vera checked and rechecked her handgun, as though it would suddenly be less loaded than it was just a few minutes before. Her jaw was set in a grim line, eyes flashing a kind of damped-down fire, embers ready to spark. Her thick black hair, showing growing hints of gray, was pulled into a tight bun at the nape of her neck, and she wore a pair of black pants and a tucked-in t-shirt, ready for the fight she was definitely expecting. “I don’t want to owe Gavin money, Isaac.”

“It’s not a trap,” Isaac replied, making his own nervous check and recheck of the table and chairs. “I don’t think it is, anyway. My instincts are saying it isn’t.”

“Your instincts-”

“My instincts have been spot-on for a decade, Vera. Just trust me on this. She let us pick the day, the time, the location… she let us give her the location with less than four hours’ notice, even. If this is a trap, she’s piss-poor at setting it.”

Day 20:

He’d been flying, and the fall had been worse than the arrow, at first.

The sudden burst of white-hot pain had stunned him, caught him mid-spin enjoying an early-morning chill, and sent him tumbling to the ground below.

He’d heard his own frantic keens of panic and fear as if from a distance, and then they’d been drowned out when he slammed into the trees, feathers flying all around him as they were ripped free by the branches he smacked into one after another on the way down.

Day 21:

"Mmhmmm. Christopher. Stanton." Nat listens for a long time, then says quietly, "No known health problems. Autistic."

Jake looks up, and Nat calmly looks back at him, while speaking into the phone. "Yes. Yes, I'm confident. He is sensitive to fluorescent lights, scared of needles, and terrified of sedation. Yeah, I realize that I just described the exact environment we’re sending him into.” Chris whimpered, and Nat’s voice went ragged, her eyes closed tightly against the sight of his face pale, sweaty, twisted with pain. “Listen. Just-... just put on the fucking papers that Christopher Stanton is fucking autistic, because that's what my goddamn rescue is - I'll sell someone else's firstborn to fucking Satan if he isn't, mark my fucking words - and we're wasting time while he gets worse!"

Day 22:

Rossi picks the glass up and just as he tilts it up to his lips, Connor rears back and up on his knees and swings one of his hands, the black leather ‘paw’ smacking into the rim of the glass and spilling it in an arc across Rossi’s suit, onto the table, soaking his cards and hitting the next person at the table right in the eyes.

“Connor, what the fuck?!” Rossi’s voice isn’t furious, not yet - he’s too shocked to get beyond the simple surprise.

Day 23:

The drugs in his system weigh him down, he is too exhausted to understand what’s happening or how to begin to fight it. His eyes keep trying to close and stay closed, and he whimpers, forcing them back open.

“Pozhaluysta…” He groans, collapsing forward against the heavy solidity of the man, the soft tailored fabric of his expensive suitjacket, the scent of clove cigarettes that clings to him like a woman’s fingers clutching tightly. “Pozhaluysta, otpusti menya…”

Day 24:

“My name is Melody,” The girl said, nearly extending her hand, but then she realized the creature’s right hand was nothing but wickedly sharp talons, and it was bound in front of him to his left. “Oh, I’m sorry. What’s your name?”

The creature blinked once, twice. Watched her, tense and maybe suspicious, and then shook his head. “No… no name.” He spoke slowly, as though words came only with difficulty but a soft little trill sounded under one voice, layered it with another. “Pet.”

Day 25:

“Wh, where, where, where-where, where am, am I-”

“Sssshhhh.” The person in the dark blue uniform presses a plastic-gloved hand to his shoulder as he tries to sit up, pushing him back down. “Hey no, you gotta stay steady, there. Don’t move.”

“Please-... please, sir, h-hurts-”

“Not sir,” The person says, gently, a bit of auburn hair falling over their forehead. “Can you see?”

“K-Kind... kind of... hurts-”

“Sssshhhh. I know. I know it does. Just hang on. Tori’s going to help me get you some paperwork going. Don’t worry, kiddo.” The person pats him, lightly, and then looks up, brown eyes scanning the hallway outside. “You’re not the first we’ve pulled through this.”

Day 26:

Calon Nie hummed to himself, tapping talons on the floor, watching the boy sit so still, as though stillness could protect him from the dangers of the world. “Good. Failed, you, to keep new eyes. Costs a life, to give something new. Killan Josta, human boy, he fail Calon Nie. He fail the life given, when eyes don’t work. Did not respect sacrifice.”

“I’m… I’m sorry,” The boy said hoarsely, curling in on himself even more, his wings instinctively curling protectively around him. “I… I don’t want anyone to d-die for me. I didn’t mean to-... I didn’t mean to fail. I, I tried to p-pray for them, to stars, to-”

“Paugh! Mysteries do not hear you.”

Day 27:

Jake answers, and on the other side of the door, the old woman stands holding a large cardboard box in her arms, her grandson present, as nearly always, at her side. He holds a large box, too - so big, in fact, that only the top half of his face is visible.

“They’re sayin’ it could be a week before we get power back,” Ruth says, with a world-weary sigh. “A full-on week. We figured we’d bring you some supplies.”

Day 28:

Ora Collins is hungry.

Day 29:

Jake is a tall man, but the emergency room always made him feel so small. Even now, part of him rehearses the scripted stories. I fell while climbing a tree. I crashed my bike. I tripped going down the stairs.

He has lies to tell today, just like he always has, but today the lies are for Chris, not himself.

He’s my brother. No, different dads, that’s all. His mom lives a few states away, I handle all his medical stuff.

Day 30:

(AKA Possession, Part 2)

Ryan and Nate take down Abraham Denner.

Day 31:

Danny is left for dead.

#ash does whumptober #whumptober previews #whumptober prep #whump

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simplystefanie-rae · 3 years

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God there’s so much I want to say about the wandavision finale I’m not even sure where to start.

Well I guess first I’ll start with just how SHOCKED I genuinely am that Vision is, for all intents and purposes, alive (unless he destroyed himself, but we didn’t see it and that would be rude AF). He’s not our Vision right now but they left a door wide open for him to come back at any point, and to that I tip a hundred hats to them. I had a bit of a post set aside that I was in the middle of writing up about Vision’s character and how I felt he would be wasted if they killed him off for good now (even if this undermined the theme of the show to a degree), and I never got the chance to finish it before the finale, and fuck I’m glad I didn’t now, since it turns out I didn’t need it lol.

Hex! Vision mid season started questioning who he was, and as I was thinking he was definitely a goner I thought it was a shame because this arc of the android character questioning their identity and sense of self was what I wanted for Vision from the beginning. This Vision had his closure in that regard, but as he was purely an extension of Wanda it wasn’t really to the true Vision’s characters’ benefit. White Vision’s appearance gave me hope but I still figured Hex! Vision would kill him so Wanda wouldn’t have to do it, but instead they have a philosophical discussion and his memories get unlocked. Now what I’m really hoping for is a long journey (could not even begin to guess what project would give the room for this) of Vision re-discovering his humanity. He has all these memories, but maybe not the emotions to go along with it? I wish they were just a little more clear on that before he just took off and we didn’t see him again.

Which I suppose can lead to the rest of my review/observations. Under a cut because this got long.

I think the episode really could have benefitted from just 20 more minutes to let it all have a chance to breathe. A few more minutes for Wanda and Agatha’s fight, a few more for the Visions, a few more for Wanda’s reaction to nearly getting killed by white Vision, a few more for Monica...like it was all good things, but it needed more. I feel like there WANTED to be more but it was cut for run time, but why such a short run time in the first place? I never complained about the episode length until now.

Mostly I think I just wanted more lore on the Scarlet Witch, and Wanda coming to terms with what that meant. Honestly okay, I say we needed just 20 more minutes, but maybe it could have benefited from another 20 of Agatha giving Wanda her own little walkabout through the history of witches and what it means to be a witch to give Wanda some space to accept that hey, she’s a fucking witch, and now she realizes she has a lot more power than she thought and it’s this huge responsibility she needs to get a handle on. We see her accept this mantle and identity, but not really why.

I guess Wanda has been struggling to come to terms with her powers for years now, what’s one more thing added on top of that. But that combined with her accepting all the loss in her life, there had to be a neater way to tie the two things together. All the ingredients are THERE they probably just needed to be written by the writer of episode 8. At least I’m assuming it’s a different writer, since 8 was basically perfect and this one not so much.

I’m assuming we’ll see more of what it means to be the SW in Doctor Strange. I worry a little but how far they’re going to push Wanda into morally grey territory. I think it’s clear at this point her being just a straight up hero is off the table, at least for now. She hurt way too many people, she knows this, and I think is accepting it in a way that, while she’s not going to go out of her way to do bad shit, probably thinks she’s incapable of being a hero so what’s the point in trying. She might be more self serving, if that end credits clip is anything to go by.

Maybe? Honestly that could go so many ways. She did say to Monica that she wanted to understand her powers, presumably because she doesn’t want to be this being that destroys the whole world, but I would thinking studying from a book called the Darkhold wouldn’t be the way to go. But then again that’s the book that is written about her and she has no other source to go to other than Agatha, who she doesn’t trust with good reasoning, so I guess there was no other option for her. Urgh, what a mess lol. I’ll talk more about Wanda’s potential future in another post though, it’s so much to get into.

Other observations/thoughts: Monica in general. I’m going back and forth on whether or not she was truly underused or if the smallest glance of her powers was an appropriate tease of better things to come for her. Because while I wanted a cool ass fight scene with her, at the same time I think she deserves her own platform to have this moment of payoff so we can really just enjoy it for HER and not have to also focus on Wanda’s character arc as well. So while I was disappointed we didn’t see a more kickass moment from her, I’m excited for more, and for her to really shine on her own. We got a great introduction to her character and why she’s a hero, I’d like to see the true culmination of this in Captain Marvel 2 or whatever other project she may be in first.

Evan Peters just being Ralph is the funniest fucking thing in the world to me and honestly is what I deserve after so many people just hopping on board this show just to see a character that has very little to do with Wanda to begin with. At the end of the day, this story was about Wanda’s grief, Vision’s identity, and to a much smaller extent Monica’s origin story, not this huge introduction to X-men like everyone kept trying to force it to be, and thank god for that. While the finale didn’t hold up as much as the rest of the show, it was so successful because it was an intimate character study and Marvel needs to realize it can do more of that. Episode 8 was the best of it for a reason.

I have some more small criticisms, like my confusion over how Wanda’s powers are actually suppose to work (why did Monica’s clothes not change from it’s 70s hex form, is it because the hex was still up, and now that it’s down they changed back? Why are Wanda’s powers regulated to being inside a barrier but then she can just control/change Agatha back into Agnes and presumably keep that going when the hex gets taken down?), is Agnes/Agatha just suppose to continue to live in Westview when all the people there knows she’s not suppose to be there? That’s so dark, to be constantly reminded of this awful thing that happened, but at the same time that just seems like sloppy writing and that the writer didn’t actually think through how that was suppose to work. We don’t know if the residents know who exactly she is, just that she wasn’t there before the hex, so I honestly don’t know what they would make of her. And while Wanda is definitely more morally grey now (Agatha even said this was cruel) I don’t think she would force this constant reminder on the people that she just took the hex down for. I’ll just chalk it up to sloppiness.

I also am conflicted on Agatha in general. On one hand, I wish she had a better motive then wanting more magic for more powers sake, but on the other she’s such an unapologetically bad bitch I have to respect it. I did like the beat of her being scared of Wanda’s power and suggesting that there are things even she fears, though it sure was arrogant of her to think she could handle this power she’s also terrified of. But anyway I’m glad she’s not dead, I want her to be more fleshed out. Maybe some point down the road Wanda says fuck it and releases her so she can teach her. It can be the morally grey witch + evil witch reluctant friendship/tutelage we deserve.

I’ll talk about Vision and Wanda’s scene at the end in other post since that’s gonna be a lot more positive. Lizzie and Paul are so fucking good together, they really sold the emotion of the ending even if I was questioning things.

Oh also, Marvel, can we PUH-LEASE give Wanda her brown hair back??? The red is killing me. That post credits scene should have had her brown roots showing to give me peace of mind that theyre not gonna keep it like this!!! Also style the curly hair better for Doctor Strange please. Not a fan of the weird waves it had going.

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #long post

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