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lethalchiralium · 1 year

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Hey, I loved "No more" :) Could you maybe write something where Ghost and reader got real close and personal on their leave, but the reader worried their closeness might make things harder on the field so they distanced themself from Ghost and it hurt him more than he thought he would ever allow himself? I'm a slut for angst

Don’t Leave Me Like This | Simon “Ghost” Riley x GN!Reader

a/n: bro i gotta stop getting distracted cause i wrote like most of this and then was like “mmmm family fic” and evaporated . ALSO IGNORE THAT I HAVENT BEEN POSTING I AM WRITING I PROMISE

warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Mentions of sex, of death. Heavy arguments.

Summary: You we’re trying to keep him at arm’s length, knowing that karma was coming for you - but you unknowingly unleashed something much more harmful: Betrayal.

You had only been sleeping with Ghost for five months when you brought him home with you. You forcibly made Laswell cough up leave days for you since you were promised them years ago, and had been saving. A month period out of the field would do you good, so you forced Ghost out too so you could see what he was like.

It was the best month of your life. Granted, it took the Brit a while to get used your simple life outside of the military. A small apartment in Berlin with a normal routine of riding subways and exploring the city. But you didn’t do it more than once with Ghost there, you stayed cooped up at home with a man twice your size fucking you so hard that it was hard to even stand.

He cooked dinner. And he was a surprisingly good cook, you didn’t go to a single restaurant the whole time he was there. It was like you two had lived together the way you waltzed around each other.

You would say that it was just fucking. Just points in time where you cross paths with Ghost and spend twenty minutes getting high off of each other’s bodies, but that month? It was different.

It was the little things. Tracing the plush skin of your hips, tongue licking from your sternum to your jaw - hands staying on you longer than ever before. You thought he was taking his time now that you had all the time in the world. He was wrapped around your finger every moment he spent placing feather light kisses to your beautiful skin, every moment he pressed ‘Mine’ into your neck. Even the way he pushed himself deeper into you had changed - it was soft, graceful; a complete 180 from his usual roughness to get you both to cum as fast as possible.

The days flew by, but they ticked down like a doomsday clock. You felt a tug in your chest one night, his masked face nestled into your neck as he silently slept. Your eyes watched your ceiling fan turn, the wafts of cold air hitting your half covered body.

This couldn’t persist when you were back at work. You liked him, you really did - but you liked your job too. This was wrong, you knew it. A medical sergeant sleeping with their lieutenant broke a slew of rules, but you didn’t want it to end. You didn’t want his touch to depart from your skin ever again, but you knew it had to be done.

So you had the best sex of your life that next night, then you were back on base in England at 0600 the next morning. Everything was perfect for a while, and everything hurt when he finally had enough. You had began to loosen your ties with him, getting more involved with work and staying later and later, to the point where you locked yourself in your office to sleep instead of the barracks.

You knew he had come to see you sometimes, but you never let him in.

So, he was more rough with you. Almost giving you concussions when he slammed you down on the training mat, growling, “Do better.”

He gave you the cold shoulder back, it was hard not to know that he was fuming. Even Soap was concerned, trying to get you to talk so he could play the middle man, but you were closed lipped. You figured it would be better for both of you in the long run if you stayed detached.

You’ve been the last man standing for too many teams in your career, karma would come back in full and take you too. You didn’t want him to shatter when karma pulled you down into Hell.

It was nine at night, you had finished your shower without seeing anyone. You were dressed in some old sweats, a band tee from your high school days. You had left all of your shower supplies in your locker in the shower rooms, all you had in your hands was your towel - which you were using to dry your hair.

Ghost was extremely rough today, almost pulling Soap’s shoulder out of socket and almost giving you a concussion. You let out a little sigh, rubbing your scalp with the scratchy towel - he’d get over it. Get over you, he just had to let out some steam, right? It’s been three weeks and he was still almost breaking bones with everyone on the sparring mat, never losing a single time. Even Price wouldn’t enter the ring, even with you, Soap, and Gaz throwing down a hundred dollars each. He pulled the superior card, stood and watched as his ruthless Lieutenant looked like a rabid dog, fighting for its life. And for as long as he stared at Ghost, Price stared at you, knowing that something happened to make Ghost turn into an animal. Rabid. Deadly.

You pushed your key into the lock, turning it to find that it actually wasn’t locked. It didn’t raise any sort of alarm, you were so damn tired that you must have forgotten to lock it behind you when you went to the showers. Your shoulders ached, sides throbbed - your fingers hurt from typing reports into the computer earlier. Sleep was going to be a saving grace.

You pushed open your door after you pulled your key out, shutting it behind you with your foot. You turned towards your door, hand reaching for the wall to turn on the light. You flicked it on before using both hands to dry your head. You turned back around, yawning.

“Why are you doing this?”

You jumped out of your skin so hard that you tripped backwards, your back slammed against your office door. Your eyes moved from the floor to across the room, where Ghost stood up from your cot. That explains the unlocked door.

“Ignoring me.”

He stood tall, shoulders back and arms across his chest. Your hands pulled the towel from your wet hair, moving to settle it against your chest as your back was still pressed against your door. Heartbeat in your ears, you struggled to take in a breath before whispering, “I’m not ignoring-“

“Bullshit!” His voice was sharp, almost like throwing knives into your skin - sharpened to leave marks on your bones. You stood there, frozen - his eyes bore holes of ice into your head.

“Ghost…“ The voice that left your lips did sound like you, but it sounded like an echo; small, scared.

“Fuck!” His hands went to his masked face. He took a step forwards, begging, “You can’t just-“ He held his hands up beside his face, taking in a breath through his teeth, “Let me in and when I come back, just slam the door in my face without a reason why.”

You wanted to take a step forwards, step closer to the man you did love - but you couldn’t move. Your legs felt like stone, solid and unmovable. “Please, Simon, try to understand-“

“No, fuck you for makin’ me feel like I’m allowed to be loved. Fuck. You.” His finger was pointed straight at you, he took three steps towards you while you took four steps to the side, your fingertips brushed against your locker.

Tears stung at your eyes, your heart hurt as you observed his anger. His eyes flooded with fury, maybe hatred, but you knew he felt betrayed. He had shown you his most intimate pieces, letting you hold them but you crushed them in your grip. You swallowed the thought, knowing that you had already hurt him but you couldn’t let him get hurt because you died. “I’m trying to make sure you don’t get hurt.”

“Hurt by fuckin’ what? You?” He scoffed, hands flung out to his sides. “There is nothing that-“

“When I die in the field.”

Your voice sounded so sure that it gave Ghost whiplash. The metaphorical knife you wedged between his ribs twisted as you turned your back to him, opening the locker you kept your civvies in. If you looked through his clothes, you’d see his chest wide open - ribs cracked and exposing his heart and lungs, pouring out blood that only he could see.

You grabbed an old sweatshirt, tears falling down your face. Your hands furiously rubbed at your eyes with the sweatshirt, trying to stop the flood of tears.

“You’re not gonna die in the field.”

You whipped around to him, holding your sweatshirt in your hands as you snapped, “Every one of my friends have died in the field,” Your hands tightened on the fabric, almost wanting to rip it in half. “It’ll be my time sooner or later, karma is nothing but punctual.”

He took a step towards you, his voice lowering and calming down - even just a little. “That’s stupid that you think I wouldn’t be there to protect you.”

“You can’t protect me every single second, Simon!” Tossing the sweatshirt to the side, your arms out wide, signaling that you were wide open for any attack - verbal, emotional, physical, if need be. Your eyes were soft, tears dripping onto your undershirt that almost felt like acid. “You’ve had everyone in your family die, your friends betray you, I can’t let myself be another tally on the board of people who have hurt you.” You took a step back, feeling your calves bump against the door of the locker and your hand flung back to keep yourself steady. You closed your eyes, taking a breath to steady yourself as you whispered, “I don’t want you to grieve me.”

The hand he had outstretched fell to his side, the puppet string that held it was cut. The gaze from underneath the mask felt pure - a gaze sharpened underneath a blade and ground to a point. Meant to hurt, injure. It was meant to kill. And it had turned cold.

“You hurt me more than any of that did when you turned away from me without a fucking word.”

He chuckled to himself, turning away. His footsteps were soundless as he turned to the cot, swiftly sitting down and spreading his knees to place his elbows upon. Your hands felt like stone too, chipped and worn. Was it wrong to want yourself to walk to him, kneel between his legs and beg him for forgiveness? To take his hands into your own and plead? But was it wrong to want him to find someone who wasn’t military, someone who would wait for him at their home and love him like you have?

“Did you mean it?”

You moved and grabbed your sweatshirt off of the floor, wiping your tears with one of the sleeves. “Did I mean what?” You mumbled, knowing he was only trying to get a rise out of you to continue this battle.

“When you told me that you loved me.”

You remembered it clearly.

His head was settled on your chest, stubble dug into your skin as your fingers drew shapes into his scalp. His breathing had evened out a long time ago, your eyes were settled on the ceiling fan in your bedroom.

You were halfway asleep, the comfort of his weight on your body made you so cozy, warm - you felt safe. You had mumbled the words to him, too scared to look him in the eye when he told you that he didn’t. You had to say them, they were fighting to be freed of the cage that was your heart.

You couldn’t lie to him now. “Yes.”

He wiped his nose, keeping his head down as he spoke, “You aren’t supposed to hurt people you love.”

“Me dying would hurt worse.”

“No, it fucking wouldn’t!” His head whipped up so fast, you kept your back to the locker as he stood again, hands flying out as he snapped, “Watching you live without me hurts more than any wound I’ve ever had,” His hands fell to his side, hands clenched. “losing you would haunt me more than any of my mistakes!”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Why don’t you believe me?”

“‘Cause no one loves me.”

The look he gave you was going to haunt you for forever, the look of absolute offense. He was offended that you would even say that. “I do! I fucking do, that’s why I’m in here - asking you to come home with me. Please.” He took your hands as he dropped to his knees in front of you. “Please, please put me back together. It hurts so much,” He buried his face into your hands, squeezing them. “Please, Riot.”

“Take off your mask.” The words you mumbled made him look back up at you. His hands left yours, moving to pull off his mask. As soon as he did, you could perfectly see his face that you’ve only seen twice before. The silvery scars that littered his face, the tears that fell down his face made him seem like a work of art. “Now you don’t have to keep lying.”

“Why don’t you believe me?” His hands took yours again, his dark eyes observing yours intensely, looking for any indication that you were joking. “What do I have to do to prove to you that I love you? What do you need from me?”

You gazed at him, tears falling down your cheeks. Every one of your friends had died when they were on the same team as you, two separate teams, two separate situations in two different parts of the world. You had become a medic after the first team had been killed by an unexpected ambush, but there was nothing you could do for the second team being blown to high heaven by an IED. You joined Task Force 141, prayed that the third time’s the charm - that this team would live.

Karma was a vicious beast, disguised as a haunting specter, roaming the Earth and following ten paces behind you until she decides to pounce. You were scared to die. You were scared that you would die before you could live with him.

“Don’t let me die without you.”

His eyes softened, squeezing your hands. “You’ll live as long as your heart allows when I’m around, my love. I’ll defend you until my last breath.”

———

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #call of duty #lethalchiralium #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley call of duty #simon ghost riley x gn!reader #simon riley x gn!reader #simon riley mw2 #simon riley cod #simon riley call of duty #simon riley x you #lethal chiralium #simon ghost riley cod

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kirisslut · 1 year

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—I Can Treat You So Much Better w/ Eijirou Kirishima

—Cw: bestfriend!kirishima, cheating, phone sex, facetime sex, masturbation, toxic!partner, UNEDITED

—Summary: your partnet is toxic and your best friend, Eiji, thinks you deserve a lot better

—Author's Note: I got out of a toxic relationship roughly 2 monthes ago and I’ve unintentionally made it a new personality trait and I think about it everyday and it came to my mind while thinking of smut ideas and someone please help me I don’t want to think about that- anyway enjoy me self projecting to the fucking extreme :)) Also I tried to make this gender netural but reader is afab and i wrote it with my ex in mind so if I accidentally called the ex a boyfriend at some point I apologize- ALSO I HAVENT WRITTEN IN FOREVER SO SORRY IF THE WRITING IS BAD

—Please keep in mind that you must be 15+ to read this piece, thank you <3

Eijirou hated this, he hated everything about it. Eijirou has had feelings for you for a couple years now, ever since middle school. He hasn’t had to see you with very many partners before, there were a couple of few month relationships with people that he didn’t particularly like but they treated you well so he wasn’t too bent out of shape over it. But this was by far his least favorite relationship of yours. You had been dating this person for about six months now and he hated everything about them. First off, he thought you were way too pretty to be with this person. In his eyes, they were a one and you were an eleven. Secondly, they treated you horribly. They said mean stuff to you, upset you, made everything about them, didn’t respect your consent, and so much more. And on top of that, they were horrible in bed. They made the most bold and most wrong movements and refused to educate theirself on your body and what you enjoyed. On top of that, there was never any aftercare whatsoever.

And it pissed Eijirou off. You were perfect to him, how come you gave this person a chance and not him and let them treat you horribly? Well one night, he had enough, Eijirou finally snapped. This was the fourth time that week that you’d texted him, saying some along the lines of “i was hanging out w/ p/n and they really upset me because…”. And that was the last straw for him, he was gonna remind you of your worth.

Y/n: Eiji, they did it again. We were making out and it was kinda going further and they did something wrong and it hurt so I asked them to stop and they asked if I was just turned on too much-

Eiji: I’m sorry sweetheart, your partner sucks :( why don’t you facetime me?

Not even five seconds later a call was coming through and he answered it, smiling at the sight of your face.

“Hi, pretty, how’re you?” He asked, running a hand through his hair. You gave a small smile in return.

“Hi Eiji, not great.” You were laying in bed, one hand holding up your phone while you laid your head down on your arm, “I just wish they’d take the time to figure out what I like…y’know?”

“I know, love, I’m sorry they’re like that. You deserve a lot better than that, you’re gorgeous. Anyone who doesn’t wanna treat you right in bed is a total idiot.”

Your cheeks heated up a bit and you smiled at Eijirou, “Thanks, Eiji.” Eijirou was sitting up, his phone propped up on his desk, with a controller in his hands, you assumed he was playing a video game. He was wearing a tight gray shirt, it perfectly outlined his pecs and showed off how big his shoulders were. You started unintentionally staring, and who could blame you? Eijirou was hot. Even you, as his totally platonic, never gonna be anything more, best friend could see that.

“Sweetheart? Are you even listening to me?” Eijirou asked, looking straight at you. Your cheeks heated up more and you looked away.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I just spaced out,” you replied.

“What were you thinking about, sweetheart?”

Your next reply took a moment, you were scared to say it. This was wrong, everything about this was wrong. You were facetiming your best friend who calls you every pet name under the sun, to complain about your boyfriend, and on top of that you were thinking about how hot he was. But you were desperate.

“..you.”

Eijirou paused, making eye contact with you, “What about me, pretty?”

“...I was looking at your chest…and thinking about how you’d treat me so much better than p/n.”

The smirk that spread across his face killed you. You might as well go get a new name and move to a completely new country at this point, because you were so embarrassed.

“Oh, you know I would, sweetheart. I bet you don’t even think about them when you two are getting into it, bet you just thinking about me, huh?” And he wasn’t exactly wrong. Sometimes you found your mind drifting to Eijirou when you were getting intimate with p/n. You didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened.

You nodded, “You’re just so pretty, Eiji, and p/n can’t make me cum…bet you could. You have pretty hands..and I’ve seen the way your fingers move on your controller.” You started subtly rubbing your thighs together, trying to relieve the feeling forming between your legs.

“I definitely could, pretty. I’d eat you out so good if I could, bet you taste amazing,” Eijirou says, setting down his controller and turning his full attention to you, “Why don’t you take off your shirt, sweetheart? I wanna see what I would have to work with.”

This, you hesitated on, more so than the other stuff. Talking was just one thing, but to show Eijirou your body would be straight up cheating, absolutely no excuses.

“Well, I don’t know..I don’t wanna cheat on p/n.., I’m just upset at him right now.”

“Come on, sweetheart, when does he ever care about your feelings? You deserve so much better than that. Just this one time, honey, I wanna show you what you could have. And I wanna see what that loser is failing to make feel good. They’re so stupid, I bet you’re super sensitive, I could make you feel so good.”

Eijirou’s sweet sweet words got to your head and soon enough you were propping your phone up, sitting on your knees, legs spread a little with nothing but an oversized shirt and short shorts on. The shorts hugged your thighs and pussy. Eijirou could see the outline and you swear he whispered “fuck” at a couple points. Slowly, you took your shirt off and Eijirou’s eyes widened. No bra.

It made sense, you were home and nobody wants to wear a bra when relaxing in their own home, but he was just a little startled. He didn’t mind though, of course. A hand drifted down to his sweatpants, palming his half-hard cock through the fabric.

“Look at you, sweetheart, you’re absolutely gorgeous. Those are the best tits I’ve ever seen, you wanna show me some more? I bet your pussy is just as pretty.”

“Mm, can I see you first, Ei? Please? Just wanna see your abs please,” you beg and Eijirou smirks a little, taking off his shirt. He was so perfect, perfectly tanned skin that was so smooth, and his muscles were gorgeous. You bit your lip, looking at his perfect body.

“Now take off your shorts, sweetheart, I wanna see,” Eijirou said, and you happily obliged. You slipped your shorts and panties off, spreading your legs a little more, “Fuck, pretty, you’re soaked. Do you have any toys there with you? I bet you’re one of those little whores who needs to play with their pussy every night before they go to sleep.”

Your cheeks heat up, “Y-yeah, I have toys…do you want me to use some..?”

“Yes, pretty, it’s no replacement for my cock or my tongue, but it’ll have to do. After all, we’re just testing this out, right? No cheating.”

You nod, “Mhm, not cheating. Just testing it out.”

“Good girl.” You reach into your bedside drawer and pull out a little box, showing Eijirou the contents on the call.

“What should I use, Ei?”

“How about you use that wand vibrator and that pink dildo? I think that’d look cute stuffed in your pussy,” Eijirou says, returning to palming himself. He was so hard for you, you were just too hot. You removed the toys from the box, putting it back and resuming your original position.

Suddenly, you were shy, you’d never done this over the phone before. You took a moment, and Eijirou didn’t rush you and eventually you mumbled, “Can I see your cock first?”

Eijirou smiled, “Of course you can, sweetheart.” He pulled his sweatpants and underwear down a little and then you saw it, your eyes widening a bit. Eijirou was huge, atleast seven inches. It was so pretty, p/n was nowhere near that size, nor was it as pretty or well kept as Eijirou’s. Eijirou ran a hand up his length, watching you, “This is all for you, sweetheart, you’re so pretty. It gets me all hard.”

“..you’re hot too, gets me all wet..”

“How about you get something in that pussy then, sweetheart? Show me how you get off after your shitty partner fails to make you cum.”

You don’t hesitate anymore before sinking down onto your dildo, not bothering with the vibrator quite yet. Eijirou kept pumping his length, watching the way your pussy swallows your toy up. After adjusting, you started bouncing on your dildo, making yourself feel good. Strings of moans left your lips, getting off on the fact that your best friend was watching you pleasure yourself.

“Look at you go, sweetheart, you’re just so horny, huh? Not even thinking about p/n anymore, just thinking about cumming and my fat cock.”

“Fuck- yes Ei, ‘m thinking about your cock in my pussy, it’d stretch me out so so so good, d-don’t think I could take it,” you said as you reached for your vibrator, turning it on and pressing it to your clit. Eijirou stroked himself faster.

“Oh, you definitely could, pretty, I know you’d take it so good. Can already picture you creaming all over it. Shit- I’m getting close, cum with me.”

And that you did, you came around the dildo with no thoughts in your mind other than Eijirou and your orgasm. You slowly stopped, panting, and your phone buzzed. You glanced at it, at the top of the screen there was a singular notification.

My Love <3 : hey u busy?

“Mmm, that was so hot, sweetheart. Did you enjoy that?”

Y/n: yeah abt to go to bed, gn ily

“Yeah, Ei, of course I did…why don’t you come over?”

#jjs.going.to.hell #kirishima smut #eijirou kirishima #eijirou kirishima smut #bnha smut #bnha #mha smut #mha #eijirou smut #eijirou kirishima x reader #eijiro kirishima x reader #eijirou x reader #kirishima eijiro x reader #bnha eijirou #kirishima eijirou #kiri smut #kirishima x reader smut #eijirou kirishima x reader smut

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crushedsweets · 7 months

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i was listening to twin size mattress by the front bottoms and was like. hmm this is the most toby song ever

SO i was wondering do u have any songs that remind you of specific creeps? could be from lyrics or just general vibes yk yk

- 🌙 anon (im new here hi)

HII welcome. ok ok. so i listen to music in a very boring way and never analyze lyrics/artists/albums/etc. but for you i will try to change.

also these lryics with toby oh wow.. wow. ok. wowwww. wow. ok. wow. STUFF UNDER THE CUT BUT KNOW IM DEEPLY WARPING THE ACTUAL MEANING BEHIND A LOT OF THESE SONGS LOL. i religiously listen to love songs so its hard

toby and honey by coastal club. (my fave song rn..)

whether its from his perspective or not.. it doesnt even have to be romantic either. just his friendships with everyone around him, both from people like tim and brian seeing this SEVERELY TROUBLED kid. . . 'wide eyed..dying to get outside' feels very :((( yk. he was a kid trapped in a fucking horrifying situation all his life. or him looking at his friendship with nina. "youve got a way with me... alive and so full of life, i'm mesmerized by your love" etc. maybe jack or clockwork with the "i started laughing at the words you spoke, i kinda like you and your stupid jokes"... AGAIN I KNOW ITS A LOVE SONG but i see it applying in so many different forms of love. and i love love. also a ton of like, car and driving references which is um. lyra reference sorry

nina x clockwork and "a big brown dog named bagel" by nep

ok this doesnt apply so much to my au(nobody is canon in mine but yk)... buttttttt... yeah. ugh. this is so nina @ nat. sorry guys ive been changed. one ask always diverts my attention at the speed of light. "I like the way she bites, the way she talks, the way she looks when I smile" is just SO FUCKING NINA ADORING NAT. nina just wants to be in the most fairytale coming of age movie ya novel lovestory and she says that her biggest dream in life is to get married. she wants to take care of her lover and give and give and give so fucking much and "I'll buy you a big old house on a big old hill And I'll grow old with my baby, 'til she's dead" is so very her. of course i chose clockwork cuz 'she's tall in the knees' and 'some green in her eyes' plus im a lesbian and havent fawned over sapphic relationships in months since i began my creepypasta return. LOL

eyeless jack and "downhill" by lincoln

there r few words to describe the amount of guilt, horror, and devastation that jack feels after what he's done, all he's lost, and what he has to do to survive. he has a year of his life that he was literally possessed by a demon and went around fucking tearing humans apart and eating their remains. even as he's """recovering""" and settling into a cabin, his friendships with the creeps, trying to just feel okay. he's on his last leg, he can tell that people know he's a shell of what he was but they'll never know how warm, kind, inviting he used to be. "i went downhill at such a steep inline" ... yea he did his life changed immeasurably in a single night and it's never coming back. the lyrics "'Cause I was born into the world on a silken cloud / And I got bored of the world before I hit the ground" ... while he had a ton of pressure. he loved his life, loved his family, was the type to constantly express how grateful he was for everything that got him where he was. and then he hit rock fucking bottom because he wanted to chase a little excitement with the pretty girl inviting him to join a 'club.' poor guy

liu and "i'm not angry anymore" by paramore

i dont think i need to explain this because um..... lols... liu just wants to fucking move on. he just wants to escape everything. he wants his family back, including the little brother he'd play catch with in the front yard for so many years. but he has his moments where it all comes barreling back, and he makes real fucking brash decisions - he lost his marriage because he spiraled trying to find jeff and moved to fucking alabama. so you know.

jane and "everest" by beabadoobee

again, i dont think i need to explain this. maybe this could be mary(jane's wife) singing to jane, cuz she was one of janes main supports after her parents death. jane can only act strong for so long but she is so so so fucking sad and mourning and she was always so soft and gentle and sweet and she lost everything in a single night. she spent a short period of time filled with rage, as she would be, but her story eventually evolves into her just wanting to help others with their cases, be happy with her wife, take care of sally, grow old, make her parents proud. she's climbed mountains and is probably in the best place of all the creeps. holds her. i dont touch her character too often because i just want her to settle happily lolz..

ok thats all i got guys :3.. thank youuuuu thank youuu. sorry if my music taste is bad guys. LOL.

#🌙 anon #asks #creeped #hcs #uh #do i tag? ok whyyy not #ticci toby #clockwork creepypasta #nina the killer #homicidal liu #eyeless jack #jane the killer

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estrophore · 8 months

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Signalis Post (barely coherent thought vomit)

So I finished signalis on Monday and i think ive just about recovered enough for me to make a gush post about it on tumblr dot com, which i think i have to do cause i dont think any other game has really hit me as hard as this one. Spoilers obvs.

Being pre-transion, with that associated depression and closing off from oneself, ive always found it difficult to get out my feelings, even in private with just myself, and yet signalis has filled me throughout with its beautiful romantic melancholy and left me genuinely sobbing for the gay robot and her space girlfriend (almost worried that if id played this game on estrogen it might actually have just killed me on the spot). the only other times i can think of where i really cried were playing We Know The Devil near the beginning of the year, which really fkin hit the part of me that struggles to accept myself, and that time i rewatched the last episode of she-ra after reading the ‘Word War Etheria’ fanfic, which brings the characters so much more to life i fell for them all over again.

Signalis is a game that calls back to a lot of classic horror like resident evil and silent hill, which i havent got round to playing any of yet, but i think nostalgia works both ways sometimes and i’ll be playing them sooner now. sometimes horror gets stereotyped as all death and violence, some games fill themselves with skulls and corpses, and big ugly monsters and basically shout ‘DEATH!’ in your face repeatedly and it all just comes off as a bit garish and ridiculous and not actually very scary really. Signalis sits at the other end of that scale (with some of my other fav horror games like soma, cry of fear) where its environs are most usually just… quiet. Still. Muffled. Sad. just as often as theres tension or creeping fear because of this i find theres a strange kind of comfort too. Maybe its just that in most other genres of games theres so much of music, UI elements, pickups and interactibles with vibrant design. Here, theres room for your mind to just occupy the space. A soft fog. A dimly lit room. An empty train. Snow out a window. Liminal spaces that dont expect anything from you.

Signalis is a game thats just simply, unapologetically gay, and i dont think i would have been quite so invested in Elster and Ariane’s relationship if they were a straight couple. Its why representation is important, if art’s way for us to explore our emotions then its important to have media that we can relate to. Even Adler’s role isnt typically masculine. Our replika characters are manufactured, designed for certain roles in the base. Notes from the tough Stars and Storchs in the shooting range, the dollish Eules with the fairy lights and music player in the dorm. I couldnt help but think of groups of Eules sat around chatting, together, and im yearning for that feeling of togetherness, of understanding a friend that closely. I somehow missed the couple in the mineshaft (next playthough, ill find you v_v ). Despite the harshness of life in the Eusan nation (especially for the gestalts) the characters in it are defined by their feelings of belonging and hope. With the obvious parallels to east germany, i think of posters of cosmonauts and space travel from the time. Propaganda, sure but also made with the genuine belief in something greater. When the events of the game take this away, well, we find the last Kolibri, whod rather lose herself than lose her [ah. Im not sure theres a word here to properly describe the relationship they embody]. Its a game defined by loneliness.

We dont lie up at night scared by some corrupted android. We arent stuck with horror at the flesh everywhere, not on its own. We lie awake thinking about Elster and Ariane’s love for each other, the horror of their decline, the futility of trying to hold on forever. Its existential horror done perfectly. It shows an ending postponed and stretched far beyond its limits, and so squarely reminds you that you do, in fact, have to die one day. You’ll break down. One day you’ll say your last words to the people you love and you wont even know you have. Ariane’s final few diaries arrive with the full force of the narrative behind it, like a spear through my heart. For the record, I got the promise ending. Im still sad. It's a game about raging desperately against an unfair ending. I might think about this game for the rest of my life. I would sincerely say its an artistic masterpiece, by the sure definition of video games as art.

I like that the story leaves a lot open and abstract. I think it makes the emotional themes takes centre stage more. And i havent had nearly enough time to sift through it and come up with my own takes, we’ll need a few more playthroughs for that. And theres so much more to say that cant go in just these few paragraphs! Signalis is a game about two girls who had to run away from everything to find someone they belonged with. The universe may be cold and bleak, but you have to try, you might just find something beautiful, even if it doesnt last forever. I think if anything, we should all have the chance to find love and happiness like that, and we shouldnt have abandon a world that doesnt work for us to do it.

#signalis #lgbt #lesbian #long ass emotional ramble post #fuck im nearly crying again #horror #liminal #signalis spoilers #elster #ariane yeong

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secret-sturniolo · 5 months

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just a long vent. read (or dont) idc

not that anyone really cares, but i just have some things i need to get off my chest because im currently alone in my room crying in the dark.

let me preface this by saying i dont have any friends. i literally do not have a single person i can talk to. i dont even have a therapist because she just quit. the last friend group i had, i found out they had a secret group chat where they were shit talking and making fun of me. so, the closest thing to friends i have are my 151 followers and the people in this fandom. when i log on here and i see that people have interacted with me or like my works, thats literally the highlight of my day. so to anyone who has talked to me or shown me support, i truly thank you and i love you.

if you met my family, you would think we have it all. my parents own a successful business, they (appear) happily married, and my brother and i have everything we could ever want or need. but heres the truth:

my parents are alcoholics. every night its the same thing. they get drunk, they fight and yell and say nasty things about each other until one of them goes to bed and they sleep in different rooms. im the one who has to mediate things. im the one who has to send my little brother to bed so he doesnt have to hear them. im the one who cleans up the spilled drinks. im the one who drove us to the hotel when my dad was being verbally abusive. and when my mom almost died in the ICU a month ago as a direct result of drinking, i was the one visiting her multiple times a day. i was the one at home doing all of the dishes, all of the laundry, all of the cleaning, and bringing my brother to and from school ON TOP OF my own schoolwork and going to work every evening all because my dad is lazy and doesnt get out of bed until 1pm.

they swore to me that they were done drinking. and when they lasted 3 days and got drunk again, i didnt shame them. i didnt say anything at all. in fact, i showed them support.

wanna guess what i get in return for all of that?

i get told that im the one whos tearing our family apart, that if they get divorced its my fault. that maybe if i was nicer we would have less problems.

and god forbid that i have a bad day sometimes like a normal human being, because then i get accused of not taking my medications.

they also like to act like my mental health problems are harder on them than they are on me as if they didnt literally play a role in me developing them. a year ago i had to go to another state to receive inpatient and residential treatment because i was anorexic and suicidal. let me tell you, thats not a vacation. i have clinically diagnosed ptsd from things i witnessed there. all those times they had to take me to the hospital? yeah, not fun for me either. i promise you, nobody has tubes shoved up their nose just for shits and giggles.

you guys, im only 17. i havent even graduated high school yet. if this is what life is like now, im terrified to be an adult.

i mean it when i say that this fandom keeps me going. it makes me feel appreciated, even just a little. so if you made it to the end of this, thanks for caring enough to read this absolute dumpster fire of a post.

love you all <3

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #secret sturniolo

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ silent treatment cant last forever (chapter 5)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 4.1k

chapter warnings: swearing, tae is struggling :( kaito is a fucking LOSER and does a bad thing. literally all I can say is SORRY in advance !! mentions of domestic violence and abuse. Quick mention of pregnancy

A/N- I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I have most of these already written out, but I like to take time and add ideas as I go along. I kinda came up with a plot twist that will eventually play out, just dont hate me. What can I say? I love angst. ALSO- chapter 6 will be out this weekend possibly, if not, then monday ;) just a treat bc ily guys

"he's such a fucking dumbass" Kaito scoffs and takes a sip of his wine, collapsing back onto the couch next to you. You remained quiet as he ranted after you told him about the night you had.

Immediately after coming back to the apartment with taehyung, you two ended up fighting again. Something about him being childish, you being self centered, him being nosey, and you not being the old you. What does that even mean? You havent changed at all, its him who is always starting these fights.

after that, you packed a bag and ran over to your boyfriends house. It wasnt where you wanted to be, exactly, but you needed a place to hide.

"I dont think he is a dumbass, I just think....hes....i dont know? having a midlife crisis?" you shrugged, leaning into your boyfriends touch.

"midlife crisis....at the ripe age of 23 years old?"

"yeah, I think he is always comparing himself to me, and hes confused about who he wants to be. He wishes he stayed in college so bad, he even signed up for this little credit art course they ha-"

"art??" kaito laughed covering his mouth for a moment

"yeah" you turned around to look at him

"so he thinks finger painting will help him snap into being an adult?"

you stared at him, scrunching your face up in thought. Yeah, you kinda poked at tae and made jokes, but you didnt mean any harm deep down. Maybe you dont understand his little desire to paint away his feelings, but watching kaito laugh about it is different, because he means it. You suddenly felt guilty for talking about him behind his back, even if he was a dick for yelling at you a few hours ago.

"he enjoys it, its kinda cute. If its helping him back onto his feet then who cares...its not like he quit his job or anything, kaito."

"cute? more like immature"

"hey, cmon, leave him alone"

"you cant seriously be defending him"

"I just dont like talking about people behind their back, you know?"

"whatever" he scoffed, taking a sip of his drink before pulling you onto his lap. "wait..." he stopped, thinking before laughing. "I thought....I thought you said you were sick?"

Your heart stopped the minuet he spoke, how could you forget your own fucking lie, more importantly, how is he just catching this?

"Oh I was feeling better, mhm. This morning I felt like shit but I figured it would be better to suck it up and go to the dinner anyways, should have stayed home!" you blurted out and got off his lap, standing to your feet.

"right" he eyed you, standing up as well as he put his drink down. "well....do you wanna go to bed?" he asked, doing that stupid smirk face that made you somewhat angry.

"uhm, well, yeah, but im really tired kai, also im still not feeling 100% you know? so, maybe we should sleep. just..sleep." you nodded quickly and turned around on the ball of your heel, only to be yanked around by the wrist.

Your eyes widened in shock at the sudden action from him, heart pounding in your ears. Was he drunk? who knows, but that was not an ok thing to do regardless.

"let go of me, what the fuck?" you breath out, trying to tug your hand out of his tightening grip.

"you arent lying to me about Taehyung right?"

"what? What are you talking ab- let go!"

"you wouldnt lie to avoid me, right? you and him arent doing shit behind my back?" he asked, anger in his voice, something youve never seen.

"No! theres nothing!! I promise, I was just sick and, kai you are scaring me please!" you whine, mad at the tears that showed up so quickly. He saw your eyes and immediately let go, making you yank yourself backwards quickly, allowing the tears to fall as you hugged yourself.

"oh my god, im so sorry baby, I didnt mean to d-"

You both looked down at the mark left on your wrist from his grip

"shit, im so.....im so sorry, y/n, listen-"

"get away from me!!" you yelled, "Im sleeping in the guest room, d-dont come in, sober the fuck up and dont touch me again, I swear to God..." your voice shakes as you spoke, aware that if he really wanted to, he could hurt you again.

you saw regret in his face, but it didnt matter. jealousy has always been an issue for him, but its never shown like this....it was scary.

you turn quickly to run upstairs, hiding in his guest bedroom and locking the door, you wanted to leave but also didnt have anywhere to go exactly. You promised to meet up with your friend Dahyun tomorrow for lunch, so you would have to ask her to pick you up earlier.

kaito looked at the wine glass that had spilled without him even knowing, sighing and sitting with his face in his hands instead of going after you.

Taehyung woke up the next morning in the same state he had fell asleep: mad, clothed, dirty, and missing you.

He knew he was fighting you when it was happening, but there was just an overstimulation of emotions that had over poured, and unfortunately, you happened to be the punching bag.

He made a mental note to call his parents and explain later as he walked into your room. you were still not there. Given the things he said, you doesn't blame you, however he would like to apologize.

He walked into the kitchen and looked at all the food, well, more like ingredients for meals he doesnt know how to make. You said something last night to him about him needing to depend on you with everything, including meals. It hurt, but it was right. He sighed and closed the fridge, moving to go sit on the couch in the quiet apartment before opening his phone to his social media’s.

He hated to see other people and how well they were doing, but he found himself online more often then he used to be, maybe it was to inspire or motivate him, he wasn’t sure. He scrolled across Annie’s art page, stopping to pay extra attention to one post in particular.

She was good, her art was something people would pay money to see, he understood why she would be in all the art classes she could find. The post showed her setting up at the banquet hall a few streets down, something about an art fair. Tae smiled and like the post, wanting to know more about it. He contemplated dming her, eventually just giving in and doing so.

Taehyung: hello Annie, it’s taehyung, you probably know that because you can see my name, anyways, I saw your recent post and was wondering what you were setting up for?

He tapped his phone with his fingers, feeling odd to text someone who wasn’t, well, you.

He was surprised to see her answer quickly

Annie: hey tae :)) i was hoping you would text soon enough. I’m setting up for an art festival at the Julie banquet hall! You should totally come if you aren’t busy :0!!!

He laughed and bit his nail, suddenly hearing your voice in his head telling him not to do that...bad habit.

He texted back

Taehyung: when is it?

Annie: it’s being held this entire week for a viewing, but next weekend there is a contest....winner gets a prize!

taehyung smiled and looked around, that could be huge for him. Maybe this was the universal sign from the universe he needed, a sign that his rash decisions were actually working out for him. He knew he probably wouldn’t be able to go down today, for obvious reasons other than the fact he needs a shower.

He also needed to prepare something worth winning, and that required time.

Taehyung: oh wow...that sounds really interesting. I’ll probably be down later this week, thanks for letting me know.

He tossed his phone to the side and began to head for his room, knowing that he wouldn’t leave until he created a masterpiece.

As fun as this was, he had to admit, it was a good distraction from you.

"How come kai couldnt just drop you off?" Dahyun looked over at you, taking a bite of her sandwich. "well, he was a bit hungover, he had a lot to drink last night" you cleared your throat, sipping your water.

It had been a while since you and your friend saw eachother, and going out for lunch together was nice, a step away from all the boy drama going on. You were in college, and you just wanted to do normal stuff and leave the high school shit behind.

Dahyun sat back and looked you over, concern on her face. "sweetheart are you alright?"

"why wouldnt I be?

"because you look like shit, in the nicest way. Have you been sleeping?"

you laugh, looking down at your hands, "yeah, ....well, no"

"mhm, whats going on?"

"tae and I got into a fight last night, and it was just really annoying because we are always fighting nowadays, I hate it."

"is that why you were at kaitos?"

you nodded, eyes looking out the window. "I should have just stayed at the apartment though. I hate to admit it but I kinda miss him, he hasnt texted me" you sighed and re-checked your phone.

"hes a grown man, y/n, he can handle shit"

you looked at your friend, quick to remind yourself that they dont see the true venerability of taehyung like you do, they dont know that he's just emotional and feels things differently than others, so as much as you hate to say it....he cant take care of himself.

"mm" you shrug, taking a bite of a fry. "lets just talk about something else?" you suggest

"okay, let me think...." dahyun smiled to herself, searching her brain for something to talk about. "Oh did you hear about chae?" she suddenly spoke up

"no, what about her? is she ok?"

"dude she had such a pregnancy scare, she called me 2 nights ago because she was fully convinced she was preggo....shes not though so its alright" she shrugged

your eyes widened at your friends words, "what?...how did I not know this? why didnt she call me?"

"well, not to start anything but...we kinda have been calling and texting you, but you dont seem to have time anymore, which is perfectly fine, but we miss you."

you slumped down into your seat, food on the plate in front of you has now gone cold and unedible. "I dont know, man. Life is so messy right now, theres just so much going on. I miss you guys like crazy, we need to plan like a sleepover or a girls weekend." you suggest, leaning into the palm of your hand sadly.

"hey, y/n, just breathe, everything will be okay. If you are free next weekend I know a friend of mine is throwing a really fun party, i'll text you the info if you are down to go?"

you smiled hopefully, not that you were the super most outgoing person on campus, but the idea of going to a party with other kids seemed like a set up to meet some new people.

"Dahyun that sounds really fun, yes please send me the info, is chae going?" you ask, pulling out your phone

"mhm, yep...but we are gonna have to keep her with us because her boyfriend is going...well now ex boyfriend considering they broke up over this whole 'almost pregnant' scare, and-"

you quickly shut out your friends voice as you checked your socials, suddenly coming across a photo taehyung had posted on his story of a painted canvas, seemed normal enough, except the fact someone was there with him. at your apartment.

you whip your head up, "I think I have to go, im sorry, uh, something just came up and I need to get home, but uhm, you'll have to text me about nate and chae!" you spoke quickly, grabbing your purse and standing. "Thank you for having me out, I really needed it. Dont forget to text me the party details!!" you sing as you hug her and make a dash for the door.

You exited the elevator and made your way down the hall quickly, searching for your keycard in your over packed purse before bumping into someone and falling to the floor.

"ow? hel-, oh.." you quiet down when your eyes meet the person waiting outside your apartment door. kaito.

"What are you doing here?" you quickly stood to your feet and brushed past him, still searching for the key.

"baby, you havent answered my calls, we need to talk about last night. Im so sorry, I never meant to make you feel unsafe, im going through so much and I just....I just, I dont know what happened, but im so sorry!" he rambled quickly, touching your back and making you stop your movements.

"kaito..."

"i know, im so sorry, i suck and im an asshole and you probably hate me, I would too"

you sighed as your hands fell to your sides, turning to face him. "you....you arent an asshole, dont say that." you breathe out, grabbing his hand "just promise me you'll cut down on the drinking or something...I dont wanna see that again." you felt guilt throughout your chest as he looked down.

"I promise, baby, I will"

you pulled him into a hug and squeezed him, rubbing his back and moving to kiss his cheek. "head home, now, please" you whispered, watching his face fall.

"wait why? I was hoping we could hang out or make food or something?" he gestures towards your front door. "hm, Im sorry kai, maybe after classes sometime this week, I have to handle something right now...you know how he is" you quieted your voice at the last part, watching your boyfriend nod.

"okay....just, uh, text me ok?"

you smiled and nodded, "of course"

once he made a turn for the hall, you placed your keycard into the door and walked into the apartment to see Annie and Taehyung in the kitchen. You usually werent too keen on having random people in your house, you and tae promised to not invite others there without letting eachother know.

"y/n..." tae turned and saw you, making annie stop whisking whatever was in the bowl she held.

"tae" you nod, waving quietly to the short girl behind him. "didnt know there was something going on today" you joke, putting your bag down and walking in with arms crossed over your body.

"I just invited her over because it was a little too quiet over here" he joked, looking at her and smiling.

"ah I see" you smile and lean against the island counter. "what are you guys making?"

"apple pie" annie cheerfully responds, moving to her phone to change the song that was playing

"oh, yummy" you awkwardly reply, somewhat angry that she was in your kitchen and took it upon herself to use your ingredients that you bought yourself.

"tae, can we talk?" you turn to him, talking quietly.

"yeah..." he looked over at annie, "ill be right back"

she replied with a thumbs up before returning to her baking, reading the recipe off tae's phone.

You led him into your room before shutting the door and leaning against it, the boy looking back at you like he was expecting to get yelled at. "I'm sorry" you exhale, "For the other night, I dont wanna keep doing this with you" you shrug

"I dont wanna fight with you either." he spoke simply, biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

"I dont...I dont really know whats been going on with us but I rather just sit and be your friend than your enemy, you know"

he nodded, "you are right, and Im sorry too, all that shit I said, I didnt mean it, It was out of frustration which still isnt okay bu-"

you cut him off with a hug, "its okay"

he took a moment before wrapping his arms around you in return, "Are you mad she is here?" he whispered, "no...just wish you would have texted me...."

"i know, im sorry" he shook his head, sighing. "um, also, my parents called and I explained kinda the situation simply and they seemed to understand somewhat. I spoke honestly with them about how their words effected me and shit, and they said they would try to stop...well...mostly my mom will try to stop" he laughed, making you smile.

"they want us to go over to their house before they go back home, sometime later this week. I know you have classes and stuff but even if its just for one night over there, ill drive you to school in the morning if you need" he added.

"okay, we will work it out, im proud of you for sticking up for yourself" you laughed softly, making him look down shyly. "did you take your medication today?" you remembered to ask suddenly

he looked up at you and pressed his lips together before hesitantly shaking his head, "uh...I forgot.."

you sigh, "okay, lets go take it" you grabbed his hand and went back into the kitchen, brushing past annie to get to the medicine cabinet.

You took notice of how the girl eyed you and your hand against his, making you smirk to yourself. Even if you and tae were just friends, you knew no one would ever be able to squeeze between you both, not kaito nor annie.

"here, bubs" you whisper, handing him his pill and a water bottle

"whats that?" annie spoke up, cutting up apples on your good cutting board you didnt even get to use yet, making your eye twitch.

"allergy meds" taehyung spoke up, taking a sip of water as you look back at him with sympathetic eyes, his face telling you to just not say anything. His ADHD was something he assumed he should be ashamed of, something people would always use to blame his behavior on.

He didnt want to be that, he just wanted to be Taehyung.

Annie nodded and patted her hands on her apron before moving to the next thing, engaging in conversation with taehyung. "so what were you saying before she came in?" she asked, catching you off guard as you threw your hands up and walked over to tidy the living room area.

"Oh I was just talking about the art thing and how-"

"tae.." you stopped fluffing the pillows to turn to him, making annie sigh as you once again interrupted their conversation.

"what?" he looked around, confused.

"why arent you working? todays a work day?"

"oh, uh-...."

Annie smiled, "I didnt know you had a job, where do you work?"

Tae looked between the two of you before speaking up, "well...I used to work at this buisn-"

"used to? you got fired??" you walked over and held his arm

"no no....I quit, like....last week" he huffed, seeming relieved to get it off his chest. "tae, why did you, what?? why would you do that?" you looked at him seriously, knowing that there was no income for you two anymore.

"because I plan to apply for college again, I have a whole thing in the works, y/n, I promise, I didnt just do it on a whim" he spoke quickly

"y/n, he can handle himself" annie sarcastically spoke with a smile

"kindly leave please, him and I need to talk" you finally looked back at her, making her plead to taehyung.

"what? but we were doing something!" she puts the rolling pin down when tae shrugged, "im sorry annie, ill text you okay?" he walked her out before apologizing again and shutting the door.

"well aint she the sweetest" you scoff and collapse on the couch. "come here please" you spoke calmly, wanting to approach this correctly. Taehyung walked over slowly and sat on the couch next to you, keeping his body close and away from you.

You took a deep breath in and looked at him, "tae, honey, why did you do that?"

he shrugged, sighing.

"look at me"

he turned his head around to you after a few seconds, revealing the tears in his eyes. "tae..."

you are quick to wrap him into your arms, "its ok, im not mad. I just wish you told me, everything makes more sense now" you mumble

"Im sorry for not saying anything, I was just so unhappy working there and I just had to leave" he chokes out, face hidden into your shoulder. your hand finds his hair as he gently pulls away.

"i'll find a side job or something, but I really am serious about this school thing" he quickly muttered as you wiped his tears.

"Its okay...I can probably pick up tutoring for Mrs.Chin again, she pays well and if I do it after classes everyday it'll probably be enough to sustain rent" you sigh, rubbing his arm.

you watched as the boys face was filled with regret and sadness, making your heart split in two. "dont tell my parents, please" he whispers

"no...of course not" you smile lightly, "ive learned my lesson"

Taehyung laughed and leaned back against the end of the couch, head looking up at the ceiling. "so....we can talk more later if you like, but for now lets go finish making that apple pie" you leaned into him jokingly, making him laugh.

You two got up and walked into the kitchen "why did you let her use my cutting board" you pouted

"im sorry" he smiled shyly "If it counts, I know nothing about how to bake, and if I was the one making the pie we would all be food poisoned."

you laughed, "i'll teach you"

You two sat in Taehyungs bedroom, both eating a slice of apple pie as he played some game on his Xbox, you watching.

"so..." you began, scarping your fork on your plate. "art, huh?"

he paused his game and turned to you, smiling, "what?"

"youre passionate about it?"

"yeah, I suppose" he shrugged, watching you get up and walk over to his desk. "I saw these on instagram, they are actually quite nice" you added, eyeing them over as he came up behind you. "yeah, those were just some doodling to be honest." he itched his neck.

"but uh, im working on something big. Can I show you?" he spoke, watching you nod before pulling a canvas from his closet and placing it down.

The sketch included an empty, bare forest of trees in the center of a town square, details to a perfect ten on even the smallest things. "Its not done, not in the slightest but..."

"woah.....holy shit tae, you...wow" you were actually in awe. You knew he liked art, but this was beyond anything youve seen from him, it genuinely made you feel something. "this is really beautiful, is this pencil work?"

"thank you" he mumbled shyly, a blush on his face, "yeah, its pencil, I plan to add color to everything but the tree, itll remain black and white." he spoke, looking it over himself.

"does it mean anything?" you pondered aloud.

"well...its like this, trees lose everything they have in the winter, no leaves no flowers, nothing, right?" he spoke as you listened, "yet they still are just...there, while everything continues to progress and move around them, because they know if they wait, whats theirs will grow back."

"wow...." you said again, truly speechless by his work. Clearly you underestimated him, because this is beyond anything youve seen.

He looked at you lovingly before clearing his throat and putting it away again, "yeah... its for this art contest that Annie told me about. Winner gets like, a cash prize, im not sure how much, but it doesnt matter because they also win a trip to a really cool art museum in Paris" he looked back at you.

"Paris?...wow tae, I have no doubts you will win this"

"dont jinx it" he teased, walking back to his chair.

you put your hands up in defense, giggling. "so is it an art show?" you asked, following him

"yeah, I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to come....the exhibit is all this week and I plan on going on friday....was gonna ask if you'd wanna come with?" he spoke quietly, hopeful tone evident.

"hmm..I would love to" you smiled and grabbed his plate to clear, heading towards the kitchen

"oh, also...." he sat up, making you turn to him. "whats up?" you ask,

"I know this is kinda odd, but would you mind if you just...like, slept in here tonight?"

your eyes widened at him, making him feel like he overstepped

"I shouldnt have said that im sorry, I just didnt sleep last night and I always fall asleep quickly with you"

you giggled quietly, "no its okay, ill sleep here alright?" you watched his face light up , nodding

"thank you..."

"what happened to your arm?" tae asked as you climbed into his bed and shut the light off.

"what do you mean?" you were confused, sitting the side opposite of him. Taehyung pointed to your wrist, oh...yeah, that.

"oh I burnt myself, curling iron. wasnt paying attention" you sighed as he frowned. "be careful, ok?"

you nodded, "ok"

once you both were in and under the covers, the silence was welcoming. To be fair, you slept best here too, and the last time you laid here the circumstances were completely different, so it was a bit weird.

You laughed to yourself when you heard his soft snores after a few minuets, he wasnt joking. you lifted your arm and raised your fingers across your wrist.

be careful

there was so much to be careful about, and if only he knew the full extent of it.

You looked over at the sleeping boy next to you before turning to your side and closing your eyes, allowing yourself to just be here, in his bed, in this very moment, because it gave you the safety and comfort you needed so badly

be careful .....

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt

@taebangtanbabe

@kthstrawberryshortcake-main

@borahaexoxo

@lelefoodlover

@tan-veee

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magicmindless · 13 days

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Please please please! Taylor or chuck hcs if you havent yet <3

I’ll do Chuck another time but for now:

A HC List but it’s just Taylor

Gaymer/j

- A restless yet ambitious fellow. He likes keeping himself busy with fun events and hanging out with friends. Very extroverted

- Has ADHD and unfortunately went through the “gifted kid to burnout” phase in his life. He wasn’t diagnosed until he entered college

- Had strict parents who always expected him to do well in school and was seen as a remarkable student, but later got burnt out due to the pressure put on him

- Video games were always an escapism for him growing up. Though his free time was limited, gaming always helped him get through rough times and even make new friends

- Took care of a stray dog when he was little and called it Luigi. His parents didn’t let him have it but he secretly took care of it whenever he showed up at his house. He was an old stray so he died after a couple years. He really wants a dog but has yet to find the time to adopt one

- Had some online friends growing up. Most of them he’s lost touch with completely, but he has a select few he still talks to occasionally

- Cameo is one of his longest-lasting online friends. They friended each other in a gaming lobby in an MMO game when they were teens and later talked through other sites like Skype (or whatever it is in their world) and now they hang out irl

- Like any gamer Taylor has had his rage quitting moments. When he was younger, they were a lot tamer but only because his parents would get mad at him for being a nuisance but he lets it all out now. The worst thing he did was impailing the tv with a broom by throwing it like a javelin

- Met Chuck as his dorm mate when he was attending college as a computer science major. After they both graduated, they decided to still be roommates to save on rent

- Knows how to rollerblade and is sometimes seen doing it on the sidewalks of Tastyville. He’s pretty good at it though he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t almost been run over in the street before because of it

- He can’t be productive unless he’s listening to music. In canon his favorite music artist is DJ Honey Buster (Hugo), but he’s not that picky. He’s even a longtime follower of Simone’s Lofi channel

- Has heavy footsteps whenever he walks or runs, and they’re so loud he’s gotten noise complaints from his neighbors, so he has to have carpet all over the floors to be quieter

- Good luck trying to get through to him whenever he’s listening to music. You’ll have to yank his earbuds to snap him out of it, which he hates people doing to him

- A horrible sleeper. He gets around like 5-6 hours of sleep at most every day and is fueled by energy drinks. Chuck has to be the one to get him to sleep sometimes

- Likes to do late-night convenience store runs to get snacks and instant ramen along with Chuck. It’s just fun and the town at night is very quiet and calm… unless Dynamoe is on the loose I guess

- After college Taylor and Chuck both had their own issues to work out which did affect their friendship for some time. This included the fact that they were crushing on each other but didn’t wanna ruin their friendship

- It was a hard thing to come to terms with, but one night alone in their apartment, Taylor took initiative and confessed and now they’re dating

- Huge retro nerd who loves collecting games and consoles from the 90s and such

- He’s the one guy at the arcade going absolutely ham on Dance Dance Revolution (or stomp stomp whatever it was called) and attracting a crowd because he’s that good at it

- Once got so many tickets playing arcade games that he got a roomba from the prize booth as a joke since he didn’t know what else to do with his tickets. Though later, him and Chuck grew attached to the Roomba and named it “Sir Robert the First”, even giving it a little top hat and putting googly eyes on it

- Not a content creator, but he’s a reoccurring person in Tohru’s gaming streams. It was totally on accident, they were playing a shooting game where people were in teams and he just happened to be in Tohru’s team. They made a pretty good duo so Tohru friend requested him and now he sometimes appears in her streams whenever he has time

- Used to be pretty hardcore into roleplaying back in the day. Especially loved DnD. The classes he usually gravitated towards was the bard or the sorcerer

- Used to have a side-hustle as a game tester for indie game creators. You wouldn’t think he’d quit doing something like this, but game-testing was too structured for him (it’s more about interacting with the game in super specific ways and stuff to make sure everything works out)

#papa louie #papa louie headcanons #flipline studios #asks #anon #papa louie taylor

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legit9thlunaticwarrior · 2 years

Text

not enough for dom so im here. if you havent seen CODA, omfg go watch it

|remember to leave feedback and i love all you heathens|

‘CODA Champion’ Dominik Mysterio x fem!reader

^on the biggest night of her career, with her family in attendance, dom decided to make it even bigger^

- CODA: a child of a deaf adult; a person that was raised by one or more deaf parents or guardians (reader and her brother are the only hearing members of the family), ASL - american sign language - this is my world so rey and dom are the smackdown tag team champions - Y/R/N - your ring name, Y/L/N - your last name, Y/B/N - your brother’s name - rey mysterio (Óscar; i call him mr.g) - querida - darling, mi hija - my daughter, mi pequeña campeona - my little champion - anything that is in sign language will be in italics

Y/N POV:

I couldn’t control my nerves as I fidgeted in gorilla. I had worked so hard and I finally got my shot to be the SmackDown Women’s Champion. I couldn’t even process winning the Royal Rumble, I still can’t. When I stood on the ropes and pointed to the big WrestleMania sign and Dom and Mr. G came out to join me. I had known them since I started training. Dom and I spent a lot of time together and he eventually asked me out. I couldn’t say no, he was the sweetest guy I had ever met. The past four years have been magic and being a part of their team has been amazing. I never knew a love like this until I met him. “Querida, you’re gonna get worn out before you even get to the ring.” Dom said from behind me as he put his arms around my chest with my hands going up to his forearms. “It’s the biggest night of my life, my family is here and I could win my first title. I can’t help it.” “You will win, Y/N. You earned that title.” He planted kisses to my hair and cheek as we waited.

“And the challenger, accompanied to the ring by the SmackDown Tag Team Champions, The Mysterios; Y/R/N!” Samantha announced into the mic as ‘Feel Invincible’ by Skillet played. When I got to the ring, I got on the ropes by the turn buckle and threw my hands up in a single sign: I love you! I looked down to where my family was and waved to them. My gear tonight was dedicated to them; my shorts said my family’s name on the back and my top said CODA across the front. I hugged Mr. G and he whispered to me “You got this mi hija.” I went to kiss Dom one last time and told him I love him before the two of them slid out of the ring. Only me, Charlotte, and Jess refereeing the match left in the ring. The bell rang and I went on auto-pilot. Over time, I had gotten Charlotte where I wanted her; ready to deliver the 619. I ran back, bounced off the ropes and ran to swing. I hear my boyfriend excitedly yelling and jumping around. She was on her back and I decided to climb the top rope for a frog splash. When I got to the top, I took a deep breath and went for it. I hooked her leg and got the three count.

I could feel the tears well up as Jess handed me the belt; my belt. Dom and Mr. G got in the ring and my overjoyed boyfriend helped me up. I held it up with one hand and pointed to my family, my parents were crying and my brother couldn’t contain himself. As the ring cleared, Mr. G took Dom’s belt as well as mine and Dom grabbed a mic. I was just as confused as the crowd until he took my hand and started speaking;

“I know this isn’t the most romantic way to do this but, Y/N, these four years have been an absolute blessing. You are everything to me and more. From the moment I saw you, I knew you were the one. Getting to know you has been my honor.” he turned to address everyone, “For those of you that don’t know, Y/N is a CODA. Both of her parents are deaf, so from a young age, her and her brother had translated for them. When I met them for the first time, I was scared I screwed up because I had tried to introduce myself to them in sign language but I ended up saying something inappropriate.” He turned back to me, “Now, just a few months ago, I went to your parents and asked them this in sign language so I’m doing the same now;”

He got down on one knee in the middle of the ring and started signing Y/N Y/L/N, I am head over heels for you so will you do me the honor, will you marry me? He then pulled a box out of his pocket and opened it. It was the most beautiful ring I had ever seen. The tears fell as I nodded and signed back Yes! Yes Dominik! His face lit up even more and he got up to pull me close for a kiss. The entire arena was on their feet as he slipped the ring on my finger. “Hey! Not gonna come celebrate with us?” Y/B/N yelled. Dom helped me out of the ring and we went over to were my family was, Mr. G joining us. I’m so proud of you two. Mom signed and hugged us. Dad held his hand out for Dom and then he signed something to Dom, “What did he say?” “He said ‘Welcome to the family, Son’.”

When we got back to gorilla, Kayla was there to talk to us. “Y/R/N, congratulations on becoming the new SmackDown Women’s Champion and congratulations to both you and Dominik on your engagement. How do you feel?” I spoke first, “Thank you so much Kayla. I feel so grateful to hold this title after dreaming about it and working for it for years. On the engagement, I’m blessed and excited to spend the rest of my life with Dominik. I was more over the moon about him learning sign language to propose to me. That meant the world to me. How about you baby?” I asked him. “Y/N is the love of my life and I’m just so proud of her. She’s is just the greatest person inside and outside the ring. It took some time to learn, but I wanted to propose that way so it could be shared with her parents. Before I met her, I had no idea what CODA meant but now I do and I’m going to do what I can to learn ASL so I can connect to my new in-laws.” Kayla smiled “Well, I’ll let you two go celebrate. Congrats again you two.” We thanked her and left; we saw Megan interviewing Mr. G so we listened in. She asked him how he felt about the night’s events,

“Y/N makes my son really happy and they motivate each other and push each other to new levels. Hell, I already looked at her like my daughter-in-law since they announced they were dating.” Megan asked “Will she be taking the Mysterio name?” “Well, that’s up to her, Megan.” They wrapped up and the three of us went to take pictures; my parents finally get their picture of me and a title. Shot after shot of me holding and wearing my belt, thank God I got to fix my makeup and hair because between the match, my win, and getting engaged; I knew I looked a mess. The photographer asked "Can we get a few of the happy couple? Higher ups want them for the social media pages." I pulled Dom out of his chair with his title. A few with our titles were taken, then he looked at me "Can we do that sign you taught me? 'I really love you'?" "Only if you kiss me while we do it~" He pulled me in by my waist, "With pleasure." We held our hands up in the single sign for I love you with our pointer and middle fingers crossed. More were taken of us and I asked if they could be sent to me as well. We wrapped up and met back up with our families.

All through dinner, Dom’s hand never left my body. Either holding my hand, around me, on my thigh; anywhere. I looked at him with nothing but love in my eyes until Mom got my attention When will I be getting my grandbabies? Dad smiled and Y/B/N started laughing, "What did she-" Dom started but Y/B/N jumped on it, "She asked when you're gonna have kids." "I want a niece!" Aalyah jumped in. I signed and spoke at the same time "We've talked about it but decided now isn't the time." Dom and I wanted kids but we're still young, just got engaged, and are in amazing places in our careers. I never considered myself a 'traditional' person, but I do wanna have some newlywed time with him before all that.

We got back to our hotel room and got ready for bed. I was putting my hair up as Dom was on the bed looking through his phone, "Bebé look what they posted," he came into the bathroom and showed me the post on WWE's Instagram we were tagged in:

wwe A special congratulations to our new SmackDown Women's Champion and one half of the SmackDown Tag Team Champions on their engagement! #CODAChampion

They posted the whole engagement video, and some of the photoshoot pictures. The comments were full of love and support. "Dom, where did you learn to sign that?" He rubbed the back of his neck "Y/B/N helped me out. I wanted to make it special." "You did that for me?" His face got all flushed, “This is why I love you Dominik.” I put my hand on his cheek. “I love you too, mi pequeña campeona. Now, I think it’s time we have a little celebration of our own?” “You read my mind.” He signaled for me to jump and he picked me up, kissing me passionately and brought me to the bed~

~~~~~~~

lovely taglist babes (dm or comment to be added) @josiewrites @rubyred1980 @chrisdickinson @xkennyxomegax @night-of-the-living-shred @wwenhlimagines @ecarroll1978 @plentyoffandoms @auburnwrites @heavymetalgirl420

#donna writes #donna is in love with dominik mysterio #dominik mysterio #dominik gutierrez #dominik mysterio x reader #dominik mysterio oneshot #dominik mysterio fanfiction #dominik mysterio imagine #wwe #wwe x reader #wwe fanfiction #wwe imagine

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miss-ery-3 · 20 days

Text

i dont have much to report on weight wise, as i havent weighed myself since thursday, because i've been drinking alcohol and therefore i am retaining water

i can feel how i am all swelled up rn - my rings feel tighter than normally. i'll weigh myself again once the water retention goes down

but, ofc, i have even more stuff about my whole ✨love life situation✨

i am seeing my bf tomorrow, and i will tell him that i dont think our relationship is going that greatly, and then i'll take it from there. i dont really like to think too much about it, but i also feel more at peace w it - and i think my lil crush is a huge part of that. i really dont need anyone to tell me that i'm a horrible person - i am truly doing my best, both in terms of navigating my feelings and my relationship and my mental health. i'm really not in a good place right now, but at least i can kinda pretend, that my troublesome feelings are some fun new drama that i can share w my friends (you guys teehee)

if you don't care about my love life drama, then its totally ok. if you are, you're in for a treat (maybe idk)

lets call my crush-situation W

aight, so W and i talked all night thursday, and i have quite a lot to report about that night, and then a little about last night

my friend started talking about one time i had a ons w one of my friends, like 3 years ago, and i was quite embarrassed to talk about it. but the others laughed and idk, i figured it was fine. W switched between not laughing at all, just looking down at the table, and then awkwardly laughing a bit while looking at me, and then the table. i dont know what that means??? just as the conversation ended he was like "do u wanna go for a smoke" and then we went outside, and talked about other things.

we had been drinking and joking all night, and he decided to tell some group of girls sitting in the bar, that he and i are childhood friends (big lie, i've known him since summer). and i was like "aight, whatever" and then he lied and told them that i had written him tons of love letters when we were children. and i just laughed and lied and said "yeah haha, i was totally in love with you". when we left the bar, like 2 hours later, and we were all alone, i teased him about something we told the group of girls, and then he was like "yeah yeah whatever, i know that you'll just send me another love letter. you're like tooootally into me hahaha" and i was like "oh yeah, haha, totally. u got me" while walking away and laughing. i might just be fucking overthinking everything but also... why lie about writing love letters? there are much more embarrassing things (for me) he could've said. idk, help me

he texted his girlfriend throughout the night (i think) but looked quite annoyed/not happy whenever he did, and at some point he left the table for like 15 minutes (probably to talk to her). idk

he kept touching my stuff. like my cigarettes and my lighter, he would just sit with them and play with them. i found it quite cute, idk

OKAY, and then to last night (friday) i was in another bar last night, helping out, 'cause i kinda work there (ish, like, volunteer-work) and W was supposed to have a shift later in the evening

he calls me to tell me that he will be running late, 'cause he was at an event, and shit hit the fan, idk. then he asked me if i could cover for him, and i said that i for sure could cover for him. we only talked for 1,5 minute, but idk. my fucking hands went sweaty and i couldn't stand still. i don't think i've ever picked up that fast. uuuughhhhh i feel so weird. whatever

he showed up like 1,5 hours too late (but it was ok, 'cause there really wasn't much to going on), and went directly out to find me (i was smoking) to hug me and apologize for coming so late. then i kept feeling his eyes on me, and i could hear him mention my name a lot of the night

we ended up doing some cleanup together afterwards, and it was just... really nice. we have such a good time whenever we're together and i feel so comfortable around him. except for the part where i keep thinking about how hot i think he is and how want to give him a big old smooch. i had hoped to talk to him some more, but we both went home when cleanup was done, and idk. its fine

i have not been able to keep him out of my head all day. its truly torturous

#thinspø #⭐️ve #amy’s ⭐️ving adventure #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt #amy ranting #i will reach my ugw #low cal restriction #eedee #th!n$piration

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veeranger · 10 months

Text

Vee’s Steam Summer Sale 2023 Recommendations

as always these are just personal opinions etc etc please look up some real reviews before buying a game if you aren’t sure and remember that steam will give you a full refund if you have less than 2 hours played in under 2 weeks.

im going to try to recc stuff i havent shilled every 6 months for the last 5 years but the VNs are going to be the same as always honestly

Fighting Games

Guilty Gear -Strive- Ultimate Edition 2022 ($55.99)

yes im specifically saying buy ultimate edition because it has all the dlc as of this writing. buy the base version if you want but i hate playing fighting games with incomplete rosters.

anyway this is my favorite fighting game, bar none. this is the game that after years of screwing around on a bunch of other games finally got me to really want to get better and actually play against other people. there’s a super active playerbase and at least another year of support from arcsys on the way. the best time to start playing strive was a year ago but the second best time is right now.

Idol Showdown (Free)

yes im shilling a free game here. idol showdown is a good fighting game and the result of like three years of hard work from a small team. try it out and give them some love

Nitroplus Blasterz: Heroines Infinite Duel ($4.99)

this is not a good game but it is a funny game. saber is in it.

Narrative Games

AI: The Somnium Files - $7.99

one of the finest mystery games you can play imo. maybe uchikoshi’s best work. a perfect blend of mystery, character, and style. every character and conversation is compelling in its own way and every little thing builds up to the huge moments which makes them all feel totally earned. as always uchikoshi is a genius in the way he blends his signature branching timeline style with the themes and core concepts of the game. the twists and turns this game goes down are so crazy that weeks later you’ll still be realizing how all the little things you thought were just quirks were actually foreshadowing. cannot recc this enough tbh.

Zero Escape: The Nonary Games - $11.99

another uchikoshi joint, also extremely good. ive only finished 999, the first game in this collection, but i can recc it just based on the strength of that alone. whereas somnium is a murder mystery, 999 is a visual novel about being trapped in a murder game interspliced with escape room segments. whatever you think you know you dont, 999 will take you down so many twists and turns you’ll be fucking dizzy when you’re done with it. big recc.

VA-11 HALL-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action - $10.04

i could probably talk about this game for as long as the others, even though its way way less complex. va-11 hall-a doesnt have a huge sweeping story with insane twists and massive reveals, but what it does have is an extremely personal narrative about loss, healing, and just living your life the best way you can in a horrible dystopian world. the cast of characters feel utterly real and you learn about the world they inhabit through interactions with them, rather than being infodumped by exposition. everyone has their own story and everyone is just trying to get by, including you. one of the best small scale personal narrative games ive ever played.

Night In The Woods - $9.99

another vn i would consider “small scale” but equally as impactful. nitw is a story about a disillusioned and struggling college drop out returning to her economically declining home town. nobody is secure, nobody is happy, everyone is suffering through their daily lives. you follow mae as she struggled to readjust to her childhood home and the people she left behind. until something happens that changes her priorities radically. all ill say. despite how i just made it sound, nitw is not all depressing. theres lighthearted moments and wacky days to cut through the bleak fog, as well as genuinely heartfelt moments that feel very earned. nitw is a game i think that everyone struggling through their 20s should play.

Grim Fandango Remastered ($3.79)

i know this is an old school adventure game and you might yell at me for sort of grouping it in with the VNs but i dont care. its a classic, its a beautiful game, everyone should play it. its old, it controls like shit, the puzzles are obtuse, but the experience is wonderful and memorable. its cheap as hell just go for it.

Action

Assault Spy ($4.99)

this goofy ass game is fun as hell. its a very dmc style character action with upgrades and moves to buy, and it actually has a pretty goddamn good mechanical system in place. the gameplay loop rules. only warning is this is not well optimized so watch your computer doesnt explode.

Marvel’s Spider-Man Remastered ($40.19)

i shouldn’t even have to shill. a must play for any spider-man fan. one the best spider-man stories ever hands down. such an incredible experience seriously. i cant even say enough here, if you haven’t played this yet you should do it asap.

Marvel’s Spider-Man: Miles Morales ($33.49)

everything i just said for the first game goes here too. a MUST play for miles morales fans. the combat is even better than the first too. you won’t regret playing this trust me.

Marvel’s Avengers - The Definitive Edition ($5.99)

no i’m not joking. ok well i kind of am but this game is getting delisted in september. it is an unforgivably mid piece of shit but if you have an interest in game preservation or playing something so bad they’re killing it forever, well here it is. they made all the microtransactions free btw.

Others

Tinykin ($13.75)

its like pikmin but its legally distinct! i like this game a lot, it has a very cute art style and its got easy to enjoy gameplay. i find it very relaxing. there’s a demo.

System Shock 2 ($2.49)

i will never stop shilling this game. fucking play it. its a cornerstone of video games. one of the most influential pieces ever put to pixel. you owe it to yourself to experience this if you feel any interest in it. maybe read a guide though its unforgiving if you screw around with your build.

Dead Space [2023] ($41.99)

exceptionally good. i dont have to shill the old shitty pc port of the original anymore. an A+ remake, i think it improves on the original in every conceivable way.

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night ($11.99)

such a goddamn good metroidvania. its almost like the platonic ideal of a castlevania game. a true spiritual successor to SOTN. this isnt your dime a dozen soulslike vania, this is a true vania game in the best original style made by basically one of the core founders of the genre.

STAR WARS™ Knights of the Old Republic™ II - The Sith Lords™ ($3.49)

its a fuckin classic rpg. one of the best of the era. get it on pc so you can get that extended content mod they promised to import to the console version and then cancelled.

Save Room - Organization Puzzle ($2.09)

this is just a cute puzzle game. i like it.

#veepost

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kings-highway · 6 months

Note

I read Time Enough yesterday from start to finish (yes I had other things to do, no that did not stop me) and I am still thinking about it. I left a little comment but I wanted to say more. (Sorry if this is a bit incomprehensible, I'm Very tired)

Your angst is always written in such an immersive and impressive way, but this story in particular hit so strongly. I thought it was so well done. Everything Daichi did and felt was so believable. And the feelings of having to move through a life like that was absolutely heart breaking. The relationships were so believable and idk how to phrase it other than genuine? Realistic?

It was just such an intense and beautiful piece, and Daichi's journey/cycle of monotony to acting out to trying to find stability again was so well done and so relatable. I was right along with him at one point like "obviously he has to learn a lesson here, but come on he did! He's trying to live life more!" Only to realize at the end that he still really wasn't, not really, not in the way that really allowed him to appreciate it. It wasn't that he needed to appreciate life by acting more or less predictable, it's that he needed to learn to appreciate life by appreciating his own, by learning to take care of himself, by asking for help and letting others take care of him. I've read several of your stories now where this is a major theme for him and I was STILL too immersed in his mindset to see it right away! That's very good writing imo <3

If you want to answer (ik some people don't like explaining story choices and that's fine too! I have my theories) what moment in that last day was it that broke the loop? Or was there no one moment, but just the process of the day itself and those leading up to it that did it?

First, thank you so much for leaving such a lovely and sincere ask in my inbox. You've got my giggling and kicking my feet like a child on christmas. It means so much that someone like you is reading and appreciating my work 🤍🤍

Second, I dont mind answering at all! I know a few others had speculated regarding the circumstances of the time loop so I can definitely share my decision making process

[Spoilers for literally nearly every chapter of Time Enough below, if you havent read it yet.]

And the answer is... Nothing.

Though that doesnt mean it wasnt intentional on my part, that nothingness means something to me.

The logic of the time loop is simply "sometimes time gets stuck in a loop, and unfortunately this time Daichi is aware of it." There is no real reason why it breaks on that specific day that it does, it could have just as easily broken the day before or the day after or in twelve years.

While I played around with the idea of Daichi having to "break" it in some way, there was no version of that that didnt position someone in his life as more important than another, or incite further questions about the universe. (although it does make me giggle imagining if the second half took a sharp left turn into Daichi and Oikawa hunting and fighting aliens.)

You could read this story as a metaphor for depression or burnout, optionally.

The truth is, every choice Daichi made always mattered. Each day did not come with definitive evidence that it would loop again into the next, it just coincidentally did for approximately two years. As suddenly and jarringly as it breaks in the 11th chapter, that could have been any chapter. Thats why so many end with the 00:00 moment, because it wasn't a given and it was important to mention. What would have happened if it had broken after he's slept with and romanced Oikawa? [Would he have pursued this new connection? left it as a one night stand? how would his life have moved forward after that kind of insane connection as Oikawa would believe he had his time loop experience?] What would have happened if it had broken after Tendou had been hit by the truck? [Tendou would be dead - what will he tell anyone?] What if it had broken after punching Iwaizumi? While he's standing, frostbitten in Iceland? After any random day he thought didnt matter? After he kills himself?

Daichi was never any more safe from his consequences in the loop as he was in linear time, he just got lucky.

And thats the point. How many times have you [the reader] skipped a class because its "boring and repetive?" phone in an essay because its "just" 10%? declined to hang out with a friend you havent seen in a while because "eh, maybe next weekend."

Choices always matter. Even if you think you have calculated the worst possible end, every single day has the ability to dramatically shift the direction of your life if you use it right. There is no such thing as a day that doesnt matter.

As a metaphor for depression and burnout, you're absolutely right. Daichi's loop is broken the moment he tells Suga that he'll let him take care of him. The moment he admits there's a problem and makes a promise he intends to keep. The act of loving and being loved in return is scary and difficult but sometimes it is the only way to succeed. [Its important here to mention that this is not romantic love I refer to.] And that means trying. Agreeing to do something you think is pointless [Daichi doesnt believe a psychiatrist can help; its a time loop] but he trusts Suga anyway and agrees sincerely.

As a story, it was nothing anyone did.

Daichi just got lucky that when the loop broke he was safe and surrounded by people who would care for him.

Free will and individual agency are massive themes in my stories and perhaps thats just a product of my own current age and experience. I think in a lot of ways I havent quite gotten the hang of it myself even if I understand it in my mind. Understanding it intuitively is a lot harder.

But it gets a little bit easier for me when I can write it out and share it with people like you who care as much for these characters and stories and appreciate them in the same way.

Thank you so much for asking <3 Inbox is always open and yall can message me any time if you wanna chat about anything to just scream. [The chickens in my brain will do their best to scream back.]

#haikyuu fanfiction writer #haikyuu fanfiction #daichi sawamura

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lighthousegod · 2 years

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Something abt being on the aro-spectrum that I havent seen a lot is talk about feelings of jealousy.

I am a jealous person, and I'm only figuring that out as an adult. I was jealous as a kid, too, but I never thought of it in a way besides platonic. Eventually I stopped having best friends so I stopped being as jealous and bitter when my friends hung out with other people more than me.

Even though I knew I had a tendency to get jealous of others when I had a "best friendship," I never considered myself fo be jealous in a romantic context. Any time anyone would get angry when their partners talked to someone, especially straight couples who's members talked to the opposite gender, I would get confused. Like, you're officially in a relationship, right? Why would your partner agree to that if they wanted to be with some other person?

But as I got older, I understood more. I had one "crush" in my highschool years, and when he flirted with or dated other people I HATED MY LIFE it felt so gross. I always felt like I needed to change, or that I wasnt as desirable, and I needed to try harder. He did end up liking me back, but nothing ever came of it. The euphoria of him liking me back lasted maybe a night, and then it was gone. And it left a pit in my stomach. The worst feeling in the world, feeling disgust toward a thing that had made me feel alive for the first time in my life.

But, nonetheless, in all that drama I discovered that I WOULD probably get jealous if I had a partner, just because of how much I overthink. And i think that's where i sort of differ from a lot of arospec people? See, i dont want a romantic relationship necessarily. I dont need to do all the sappy shit like buying flowers and calling each other babe, or even going on dates really. But I do want something adjacent to that. I dont hate the idea of touching, even though I sort of have a phobia to that, but I DO hate it if I think about it romantically. I love the idea of holding hands in this sort of nostalgic way, like how I used to with my parents when I was a kid. I dont mind the idea of someone playing with my hair the way people used to when it was long, like they admired it so much they had to run their fingers through it. Hugging doesnt sound so bad when it's done in that protective, grounded way. Like hugging someone after a long day, or early in the morning. Just standing there like that. Even kissing sounds okay sometimes, if I dont think about it too hard. I'm sure it feels good. I'm sure being that close, that intimate with someone, would make me feel good. A combination of being comfortable and still feeling that rush of emotion. That sounds like a dream. That sounds fake. It makes me sad to think I may never experience that.

But then, I can think about the same things in a romantic way and I immediately want to turn and run. Holding hands in the way couples hold hands is so weird. I've never held a boys hand before. When I hold my friends hands, it feels awkward. I can hold my father's hand, I guess, but his hands are so calloused that they barely feel like hands. When I hold my father's hand now, I feel almost nothing at all. Thinking of someone playing with my hair like, say, a husband would do for his wife, or vice versa, or wife for wife or husband for husband or partner for partner, any combination-- it feels wrong. It's too sweet. Like, sickly sweet. The way they smile up at each other. It just feels so empty. Like whatever they're feeling just doesnt exist for me. Theres a void there, I think, where that feeling is supposed to be in my head. Hugs and kisses dont feel right from the couples in the movies. I much prefer the ones between close friends that I WANT to be the main couple, i guess. Like, take stranger things for an example. I love steve and eddie, and if they hugged, even platonically, I think I'd lose my shit. I wouldnt care much for a romantic hug between steve and nancy, but I dont really feel much for the platonic ones between steve and robin either. So, for some reason I like this weird in between? But that's not the point. Back to the matter at hand.

All that stuff I mentioned before, about how I can like all this stuff in a weird, alterous way as opposed to platonic or romantic or familial, one thing stays constant: I dont want whoever's doing it to do the same with other people. I DO want to be Their Person, and I want them to be Mine. Not in a possessive way, that's weird, but yknow. I want to want to be around them. I want them to want to be around me, too. And I want to like each other the most.

Lots of aromantic people talk about how they dont understand why friendships arent held to the same standard as romantic relationships, and trust me, I have been there, but I definitely am not exempt from that sort of "ranking." I have people that claim we are best friends, or really close, but I just dont bond with them the same way they do to me. It doesnt click. I like them platonically, I like to be around them, but I'm not attracted to them. Not like I was to my "crush" in high school, or like I am to all the pretty boy characters i think about in my head, or even my best friends from elementary school. Nothing my friends and I do is special to us. We arent exclusive to each other. And to some people, that doesnt matter one bit, but not me. I guess I'm selfish, but man, I wanna be someone's favorite. I want someone to like me the most. Even though I dont know how to kiss and might not even want to, and my personalities not that big, and sometimes I dont have much to say at all, and sometimes more than anything I just need someone to make me feel like I'm not floating through life without making a connection at all.

But that's such a big job. I worry I'm not worth the work. I'm not sure I would be able to work that much for someone else, so it wouldn't be fair. It would be so imbalanced, like I was taking advantage of them or something. I can't do that.

Nonetheless, the best analogy I can think of is beds. Not having sex in beds, just literally sleeping in them. Some aro people want their own bed in their own house. Some want to share a house AND a bed, with one person or with a whole group. But me? I'd like to live with friends AND my person. The best friend, or the partner, or whatever they are to me. And I want my own bed, but if I ever have any troubles sleeping, or they do, I want each others rooms to be the first we go to. I want to love someone so much that I choose them to ground me every time. How amazing would that be? To not have each other, but still be connected. To have some in between, "other" sort of love that does is not just built on trust, but IS trust. Trust that you are wanted, you are welcome, and you are special. Being something more than friends, more than lovers. Helping each other be whole on their own. Knowing they love you not because you're friends, not because you're partners, not because you're family, not because of anything. They just do.

I do want love. I really, really do. I want love the way I love the ocean, and the way I love music. I want to be loved that way. The attraction to the beach that humans have had for centuries. The tendency to make tunes out of nothing, to hum just to hear the sounds. Even if the ocean is dangerous. Even if the song is off-key. I want love that is instinctual, that is unexplainable. I want love that has no reason. No words to explain it. I want the love that existed before we had the word for it. Before there were friends and lovers, there were just companions. Two people who chose each other. And they may have not been able to speak the word love, but I'm sure it was stronger than what we have now. I'm sure, if you sit still, you can still hear it.

#aromantic Achillean #oriented aroace #bi oriented aroace #aromantic #asexual #alterous attraction

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