#i know that's life! it just sucks that my grieving period is cut short and i have trained myself to adjust to that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sohotthateveryonedied · 3 years

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Hiii!! I really love your tumblr posts and I'm pretty new to the Batfam (meaning I have only read fics and textposts about them, no comics) and I wanted to ask about the year Bruce/Batman gets "lost in time". I know general things of what the kids have been doing–Dick became batman and fired Tim from robin, giving it to Damian, everyone thinking Tim was crazy for believing Bruce was alive, (don't really know what Jason was up to though, was he still murderous towards Tim? Does the pit still affect him? Also I have no idea about Cass and Duke, were they introduced at this point??) Anyways, my real question was why was Bruce lost in time, what villain put him there? And how did he get out? And how long was he "dead"? Was Bruce in another reality or like just asleep the whole time? Oh! And how soon did this happen after Damian got introduced to the family–a couple months?

I'm so sorry this is so long, but I hope you answer and thank you!!

(I’m going to try and cover all my bases here by going into how exactly Bruce “died,” what went down during the Battle For the Cowl, what the Batkids did while Bruce was gone, and how Bruce came back. Hopefully it all makes sense?? We’ll see how it goes lmao.)

Part 1 - What Happened to Bruce:

So there was this event called Final Crisis (which I won’t go completely into since it would make this post a million times longer than it already is), but the bottom line is that Darkseid wants to overthrow reality and release his Anti-Life Equation, which would overthrow the whole planet and turn everyone into slaves. (If you’re interested in knowing more about the storyline, here’s a Reddit thread that explains it WAY better than I could.)

What I CAN tell you is that during his final confrontation with Darkseid, Bruce is hit by an Omega Beam and turned into a burnt chicken nugget killed. Poor guy.

Final Crisis #6

Clark and Diana bring the body back to the Batcave and break the news to the Batfamily. Batman #687 covers a good portion of the aftermath such as Bruce’s funeral, the Batfamily grieving, and Dick coming to terms with his new responsibility of becoming Batman.

Batman #687

Part 2 - Battle For the Cowl:

Musical chairs time, fellas! After word gets out that Batman is gone, Gotham erupts into chaos. Dick doesn’t want to take over the mantle, Tim needs Dick to take over the mantle, and Jason says “fuck it” and takes over the mantle himself because somebody around here has to. He becomes this murderous psychopathic Batman and starts taking out criminals with deadly force because someone’s gotta do the job, so it might as well be him.

Batman: Battle For the Cowl #1

(Okay honestly, this series had some pretty bad characterization overall, which sucks since it’s such an important storyline. Jason is portrayed as this violent psychopath, which...okay, he was kind of insane after the Pit and all, but not to this degree. Personally, I choose to owe the bad characterization to Bruce’s death because as much as Jason resents Bruce for all he’s done, he does still love him and losing him would be devastating, which would exacerbate his already fragile mental health. As for Damian, this happens roughly three years after his first appearance, so we can assume it’s been a few months since he first joined the family. He’s still relatively new at this point, so nobody knows how to write him yet. He ends up being depicted as if his main two personality traits are Bratty and Assassin-Child and that’s it. It’s all just a mess.)

Anyway, Tim tells Dick to become Batman and stop Jason’s reign of terror. Dick says no, so Tim follows Jason’s lead by saying “fuck it” and putting on the cowl himself. He goes to confront Jason, which ends in Jason beating the crap out of him (again) and leaving him for dead after Tim declines his offer to become Jason’s Robin. Dick goes to save Tim and ends up fighting Jason.

Battle For the Cowl #3

Dick wins, Jason disappears, Tim is fine, and Dick finally gets his head out of his ass and becomes Batman.

Part 3 - What Happens to Each Batkid While Bruce is “Dead”?:

Dick:

As I said, Dick becomes the new Batman a month after Bruce’s death. He’s got big shoes to fill, and it takes some time for him to get used to his new role. He and Damian end up flipping around the classic Batman and Robin dynamic, with Batman now as the fun counterpart to Robin’s edginess. Dick, Damian, and Alfred relocate to the penthouse above the Wayne Foundation building, operating out of a secret Bat-Bunker in the basement.

Batman #688

Jason:

After Battle For the Cowl, Jason is still batshit insane and determined to make Dick’s already stressful life even harder by becoming a supervillain with an ugly costume and an even uglier hairstyle. (I know it’s just because the artist sucked, but still. Jason is horrifying to look at during this time.) He mostly just gets on Dick’s nerves by running around Gotham with his new sidekick Scarlet and killing criminals as Batman and Robin wannabes. Eventually, Dick has Jason committed to Arkham Asylum and he hangs out there until Bruce returns.

Batman and Robin (2009) #5

Tim:

Tim...doesn’t do great after Bruce’s death, mentally. Dick makes Damian Robin, his reasoning being that Robin is more of a sidekick and he sees Tim as his equal. By making Damian Robin, Dick hopes that it will give him the stability he needs to keep him from straying back toward the “bad” side. (It’s the right move ultimately, although his execution was pretty messed up since he didn’t discuss it with Tim beforehand, but he’s allowed to make mistakes. Dick’s father just died and now he’s in charge of picking up the pieces of their broken family. It’s a lot to handle.)

Long story short, Tim has a breakdown, realizes that Bruce is alive, dons the Red Robin identity, and cuts ties with his family to travel the world in search of proof. It’s a rough time.

Red Robin #1

Damian:

Our little guy becomes Robin! So proud of him! As I explained earlier, Dick makes Damian his Robin with the assumption that it will keep him out of trouble, and he’s right on that account. He mentors Damian, teaching him how to channel his violent instincts into something productive, and it works! Slowly but surely, Damian makes the transition from bratty assassin to actual hero!

Batman and Robin (2009) #22

Cass:

Duke sadly was not introduced at this point in time, so he missed out on all the pandemonium. Cass, however, has been Batgirl for years by now, but she got kind of pushed aside by the writers after Bruce’s death. Bruce disappears shortly after adopting Cass, but once he was “dead,” the writers sort of moved Cass around for a while, not quite knowing what to do with her. First she was with the Outsiders. Then they got disbanded and Cass tried forming a new network of heroes to take over for Batman if needed. Then she helped out in said network during Battle for the Cowl, taking care of a newly ravaged Gotham. Then Cass gave the Batgirl mantle to Stephanie Brown after she became disillusioned with the role, thanks to the loss of her father and mentor. Then Cass picked up and moved to Hong Kong to “follow Bruce’s plans” by continuing whatever work he had set up for her there. It was all very vague and confusing, and Cass more or less got swept under the rug during this time. Thanks, writers.

Batgirl (2009) #1

Part 4 - How Bruce Came Back:

When the Blackest Night storyline happens, the Justice League realizes that the corpse buried under Bruce’s grave is apparently not the real one and that he’s actually alive out there somewhere! How wild is that! This is further proven by Dick after he places Bruce’s body in a Lazarus Pit to revive, which has the same result because it’s very clearly Not Bruce and they should have listened to Tim from the start.

Batman and Robin (2009) #9

Anyway, what actually happened is that the Omega Beams that Darkseid shot at Bruce didn’t kill him, but rather blasted him back through time to the prehistoric era with his memories wiped. The Omega Energy inside of Bruce ends up catapulting him through various time periods, which is all part of Darkseid’s plan. With each time-hop, Bruce builds up more Omega Energy in his body which, when he gets back to his original time period, will be unleashed and destroy everything.

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #5

It’s been a little under two years since Final Crisis, though in-universe it’s uncertain exactly how long Bruce has been “dead.” We can assume it’s been a year, give or take. The way he comes back is too scientific and complicated for me to understand, so uhhhh the bottom line is that Tim and a few Leaguers save Bruce at the Vanishing Point and the day is saved! Hooray!

Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #6

(If you want to read about how it actually goes down, then I seriously recommend reading Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne. It’s only six issues, so it’s a quick read and it explains the situation far better than I ever could.)

Bruce eventually reunites with his family after spying on them for a period of time as Insider to see what has changed in his absence:

Bruce Wayne: The Road Home

After that, things quickly settle back into their new normal. Dick and Damian stay on as Batman and Robin. Bruce goes back to being Batman as well, with him handling Batman Incorporated business and Dick continuing as Gotham’s defender. Tim keeps the Red Robin outfit, Steph stays on as Batgirl, and Cass becomes Black Bat. Jason stays in Arkham for a while before filing an appeal to be moved to a regular prison. He kills 82 inmates in less than a week and gets transferred back to Arkham, which he promptly escapes from. It’s a ride, I tell ya.

Aaaaand that’s about it! I hope this answered all of your questions!

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eggytranslations · 3 years

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Volume 1, Chapter 1-Ambush

Content warnings: death, ableism, suicidal thoughts, mention of racism?

The whole thing happened so suddenly.

“Thump—”, a small blue and white porcelain bowl fell to the ground, rolled twice, and fractured into several small pieces. At the same time, the shiny brass bell that had been polished by time also fell from a great height, jingling twice with an especially alarming panic, and then slumped over beside the fragments.

“Shaoye…shaoye, shaoye...somebody help! Shaoye has been bitten by a snake!...”

The shrill voice cut through this early spring afternoon, a rare bright and sunny day. Very quickly, endless bustling footsteps came from the originally tranquil mountain courtyard—kick and clatter—you could even hear the sounds of these panicked footsteps knocking over things.

Shen Qingxuan widened his eyes to stare ahead, working hard, trying to get a glimpse of the beast that had bit him, but his eyes were blurred, as if they were covered by a layer of thin white gauze, so no matter how hard he tried he could not see clearly. Internally, he could not help but be stunned by the snake’s powerful venom, but also secretly think, man proposes but God disposes. He had thought of countless ways of dying, yet how could he have foreseen that he would ultimately end by a snake’s venomous fangs?

Thinking up to now, in his heart of hearts, he was not shocked, and just closed his eyes. He was vaguely aware that the servants who rushed over had moved him from the chair, and were frantically calling for the physician while yelling for someone to fetch the antidote pills.

And anything after that, he did not know at all.

The eldest young master of the Shen family was bit by a snake in his mountain villa.

This news travelled like the birds in the mountain forest had flapped their wings and carried it out themselves, taking only a cup of tea’s time before sounds of horse feet came from the originally tranquil mountain path. One after another, the horse carriage and silk sedan chair

finally arrived outside the doors of the mountain villa in a rush.

The rider on the horse and the noble in the sedan hurriedly disembarked, entered through the doors, and without anyone greeting them, burst into Shen Qingxuan’s room.

The man lay behind green gauze curtains with both eyes shut tight. His forehead was overtaken by an unclear black-purple color, that dense color was even gradually spreading throughout his whole face. His originally light colored lips became strangely flushed red from the contrast of his black-purple face. His refreshing outer appearance was completely gone. At a glance, he actually looked like three parts human and seven parts ghost already.

“Xiao Xuan!” An elder with lightly frosted temples saw Shen Qingxuan’s state and let out a low cry that was sorrowful and grieved to the utmost point. “My son!” He cried, as if he still had words to say, but could only choke.

“Laoye.” The uninvolved steward who stood to the side quickly interrupted his master’s grief, and reminded him, “Laoye should not be grieving now, the proper thing to do is to think of an idea to save shaoye’s life first.”

“Yes, yes.” Under the rush of grief for his son, Master Shen only woke up to his error through that warning, and he quickly got up with a hand over his eyes. Still choking with sobs, he asked the servant beside him: “Did you all remove the toxin yet?”

“There are always snakes, insects, rats, and ants on the mountain, therefore all the regular medicines are supplied. The antidote pills for snake venom have just been given to shaoye, but...the effects are not clear.”

“What kind of snake was it, could you see clearly?” the steward hurriedly asked.

“It was too chaotic then, this lowly servant could not see clearly. It was coiled on the pergola

in the yard, but it was also blocked by the branches. In my quick glance, I only saw a section that was as big as the mouth of a bowl…” the servant spoke and gestured, but once he finished speaking, his forehead was firmly slapped. The steward angrily said, “Glib-tongued servant, you are full of nonsense!” Ignoring the servant’s tearful complaints, the steward simply explained to Master Shen, “Laoye, Lu-mou also lived in the mountain forests as a child, but I have never heard of a snake that could grow that thick and big. Unless it is a python, but big as pythons are, they do not easily bite people, and their toxicity is even less likely to be this fierce. This servant must be speaking rubbish, he is only describing it so dreadfully so that he can be punished less.”

Master Shen was terribly upset, and could not handle this presently. He just angrily told the retainer to scram.

“Where is the bite?” The steward asked again of the servant girl who was shaking by the doorpost. She was Shen Qingxuan’s personal handmaid.

“On the wrist.” The maidservand’s face was pallid, and she anxiously added, “Since the sunshine was good today, shaoye wanted to sunbathe, so I wheeled him into the yard. As usual, shaoye wanted to drink a pot of floral tea at that moment. After making the tea for shaoye, I was going to bring some tea cakes, but just as I turned around and walked a couple steps, I heard the tea cup fall to the ground. When I turned back around, shaoye had already been bitten by the snake...” At this point, the maidservant already had tears in her eyes, and was sobbing.

“You saw that snake?”

“I saw it. That person was not lying. That snake really was as thick as the mouth of a bowl, and perched on the railing. When I saw it, it had just drawn back. I saw it was pitch-black, only its abdomen had a bit of gold. I have been on this mountain serving shaoye all these years, and saw some snakes that were beaten dead, but I have never seen such a large snake...”

“It was really that big?” The steward was still uncertain.

Her knees went soft, the girl kneeled on the ground, crying while vowing: “How would this maidservant lie about such an important matter? If there is a trace of a lie, then this maidservant shall die miserably!”

On this side of the room, the steward checked the testimony. On the other side, Master Shen suppressed his sadness to observe his son’s injuries. When he pulled out his eldest son’s wrist, he saw that the injury bitten by the snake’s fangs had already been crossed through with a knife. This helped him relax a bit, knowing a servant was quick-witted enough to promptly slit an opening and suck out the poisonous blood. But this snake venom is too aggressive; in just a short period, it caused a grown man to lose all his senses. Unfortunately, this toxin may have already entered the bloodstream, and would be difficult to clear!

Master Shen grasped that thin and pale wrist, his heart filling with sorrow. It is said that the eldest son is the pillar of his family. He did not have a son until he was 30, yet he let Shen Qingxuan fall into an ice cave at the age of eight. After the rescue and a high fever, not only did his son become mute, but his lower limbs were also damaged by the frostbite, and could only ever be paralyzed on the daybed. Master Shen originally thought it would be easy to raise and support him. There was no need for him to obtain fame and fortune; with the Shen family fortunes, there was no issue supporting the eldest son for his whole, peaceful life. However, who would have thought that at age 27, he would be bitten by a snake.

“That ruinous beast!” With a low shout, Master Shen even had thoughts to catch that snake and eat its meat raw.

“Laoye, do not worry.” The old steward, who has looked after the Shen family his whole life, yet again consoled. “Shaoye’s health has always been weak. Year in and year out, he has been rehabilitating in the mountain villa, therefore all kinds of precious medicines are more or less prepared. Maybe there is still a means.”

“What kind of means?”

“Does laoye still remember what happened during last year’s Mid-Autumn? Someone from Nanman, who had dealt business with the Shen family, gave a tribute of two pills that were said to be capable of relieving all the world’s strangest poisons?”

“I remember, I remember. I saved that medicine. ...Does it really work?”

“Laoshen does not know either, I am just told that the Nanman wetlands contain poisonous insects and wild beasts in numbers. This pill might really have miraculous effects, perhaps?”

“Then why have you not fetched it?” Master Shen stood up in a hurry.

“Aye.”

The medication was quickly retrieved, dissolved in warm water, and administered. As he was fed the medicine, Shen Qingxuan’s jaw was clenched tight, his facial muscles rigid, seemingly a hair’s breadth away from death.

The whole room was engulfed in a state of panic, and the air felt heavy.

Night fell, and the servants lit the oil lamps. Light and shadow quivered.

Shen Qingxuan’s bedroom door opened sometimes and closed sometimes, people shuffling out and in.

Yet not one person noticed, in the swaying shadow of the oil lamp, there quietly stood a man.

Black hair flowed loosely down to his waist. He was also dressed in a black robe, standing with both hands behind his back. The lapels of his robe were embroidered with gold thread into simple decorative patterns. Expression ice cold and lips pursed, he was standing there for who knows how long.

Not one person noticed, and even the people who brushed past him did not cast a glance at him. If anyone had seen him, they surely would not turn a blind eye to this man that looked like a demon on earth.

But indeed, not a single person knew his presence.

The night grew late, Master Shen was tired in both body and heart. He wanted to keep vigil by his son’s bedside, but old age ruthlessly shackled his parental affections. It was the end of February, and although spring had begun, the nights were still cold. After a few soft coughs, Master Shen faintly felt his head start to hurt. Under the steward’s encouragement, although he was loath to leave, he still went to a room warmed by charcoal fire and lay down on the bed.

In the bedroom, there were only the steward and three servants left still looking after Shen Qingxuan.

After another two double-hours passed, Shen Qingxuan, whose breathing had been shallow, gradually gained a steadier and stronger breathing sound. In the shadows, the unmoved, standing man slightly raised his eyes. His eyes showed a spark of surprise; he did not believe this world had an antidote that could actually detoxify his venom.

As expected, when he concentrated a bit to take a closer look at the gaunt and frail man lying on the bed, it dawned on him: this is the so-called rally before death.

Those antidote drugs, at most, only delayed a few threads of time. Antidote? Pure delusion.

Shen Qingxuan struggled to open his eyes. His heavy eyelids felt like they weighed a ton, no matter how he tried, he could not open them.

However, the servant girl waiting by him saw his movements, and joyfully shouted: “Shaoye, shaoye!"

Her noise had a rash joy, and woke up the small courtyard and mountain forest that just fell asleep.

Very quickly, Master Shen came over dressed in a cloak

and did not even stop to put on his socks and shoes. He frantically ran, and yelled: “Xuan’er, Xuan’er...Have you awakened, Xuan’er? Dad is worried sick...”

Perhaps the calls of his family gave Shen Qingxuan strength, his quivering eyelids worked to open, and finally they budged. His eyes were slack, taking a moment to focus until the depths of his eyes had some liveliness.

Shen Qingxuan slightly opened his mouth to speak, yet could not make a sound.

But everyone knew he said, “Dad.”

“Ah, dad is here...” the old man immediately burst into tears. Master Shen did not even care to consider how many years he spent with the stance of an elder, he shakingly grabbed his son’s hand, murmuring, “Qingxuan ah, do you feel better? If you are better, then Dad will be so relieved…”

Shen Qingxuan used all his strength, just to barely pull his rigid face into a small smile. Internally, however, he somehow knew he could not escape death this time. His whole body was entrapped in a sense of paralysis with no ability to move. Whenever he breathed, his nostrils filled with a fishy sweet scent; what’s more, in front of his eyes were bursts of pitch-black with intervals of clarity.

The sensations when one is on the brink of death are probably like this.

Actually, there was nothing to dread. For disabled people like him, death was really not as dreadful as living.

Only, he could not bear to leave his parents and younger brother.

These years, his family was the only pillar he had to support him in continuing to seek happiness in life. Everytime he thought about his parent’s pitiful grief after his passing from this world, he could not bear it in his heart.

He thought about his own death, not because he was abandoning and resigning himself to despair. These years in the wheelchair, he actually grew accustomed to this existence of not being able to take care of himself. Burying his childhood dreams of flourishing a whip and riding a horse was not a very challenging task at all.

He thought about his own death because his health was deteriorating year after year.

Before, he could occasionally bask in the sun, call someone to push him, and go for a stroll in the wooded forest.

But in the last two years, he was getting worse. Catch a little draft, and he would be ill for a period, each time more serious than the last. Eventually, it became so bad he could not get out of bed for a month or two.

This winter, he did not go outside. He barely even opened the windows.

He finally recovered, and wanted to bask a bit in the sun, yet he startled a snake that had just ended its winter hibernation and was out to bask in the sun as well.

Thinking of this, Shen Qingxuan could not help but smile, and think to himself that this sunbathing, it seems, whether for himself or the snake, was not comfortable.

He knew in his heart that the snake was just sunning itself on the railing at first, and he was sitting in his chair—man and snake minding their own business.

They could have lived harmoniously in peace and returned to their respectives homes after sunbathing.

But somehow a soiled piece of leaf just had to fall into the clear tea water. His natural disposition preferred cleanliness, so he, immediately and without another thought, threw out the bowl of hot tea.

At the time, he did not see that snake. Once he realized it was improper, the tea had already been thrown out, and had drenched those shiny black scales with steaming hot water.

The startled snake turned its head around and took a bite out of the hand he did not retract in time.

In truth though, it was more of his own fault. Such hot water, nevermind a snake, even a mere rabbit would be startled enough to retaliate.

It was a very mighty snake. He only caught one glimpse of it, then got distracted by the pain and had to look away. But Shen Qingxuan still remembered that the snake was gleaming black all over; when crouched with its head erect, its neck and abdomen gleamed golden yellow, which was particularly dazzling in the light of the afternoon sun. Later, he wanted to take a closer look, but could not see clearly anymore. He also was not sure if that snake was scalded or not.

It is said these kinds of apodal animals are completely covered with small scales, and probably are not really easily harmed by a cup of hot tea.

In front of his eyes was another moment of extremely dizzying blackness, to the point that even the sound of his father’s voice by his ear was also drifting away. Shen Qingxuan still wanted to listen hard to what his father was saying, but could only hear the beating thunder in his ears. All the disorderly fragmented sentences came through the thundering, yet were still unable to reach his mind. Shen Qingxuan only knew that his father was speaking, but no matter how hard he exerted himself, he could not hear clearly what exactly his father was saying.

Shen Qingxuan knew well enough that his life was at its limit, internally, he was not sure if he was more melancholic or more relieved. He always knew he was a person not long for this world, but the arrival of this scene still caught him off guard.

The concern in his heart made him want to have one last look at this world that had accompanied him for 20 some years. Even if he barely had the strength to breathe, Shen Qingxuan still worked hard to open his eyes wide—the scattered expression within his eyes was also stubbornly gathered back—to gaze at his family. Focusing for a protracted moment.

His father who was normally healthy and well maintained, appeared old and ragged at this moment. The old steward who had rushed about and busied himself for the Shen family his whole life, the maidservant who had already cried into a mess, all of the familiar people who had been doing their best to take care of him all of these years...his eyes slowly, almost rigidly, moved over everyone’s face, Shen Qingxuan haltingly lifted the corners of his mouth, and showed a shallow smile. As if saying goodbye.

His smile was quite faint, appearing ferocious and crude on his currently three-parts-human-seven-parts-ghost-like face.

Yet, it displayed a profound fondness for and reluctance to let go of living.

Such a despairing fondness, yet it also carried a relief towards death.

Perhaps this smile was too striking for the eyes and too startling for the heart. The cold and still man in the shadows, who had watched this entire scene from beginning to end, raised his eyelids. His pupils, which were as dark as the waters of the deep abyss, rippled from a sudden splash.

#a snake encounter #yu she #su hen #danmei #tl #eggytranslations

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desiredposion · 4 years

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1.22 Devils Trap

I’m not much of a writer but I started this story on my wattpad almost a year ago a decided to upload the first chapter to see how it did on here and see if i could fall in love with writing again.

..................

Idjits - 1.22 Devils Trap

Walking down the street towards Singer Salvage Yard a young teenage girl was lost in the music pouring through her headphones. Air drumming and humming along to the lyrics all the way up the salvage yard to Rumsfeld, the dog, who managed to get on the hood of one of Uncle Bobby's trucks.

"How you doing buddy?" She asked giving him a scratch behind the ear before noticing the classic black '67 Impala parked outside the house. Alarm bells rang in her head and she held her breath listening for any possible yelling coming from the house, hearing nothing a sigh of relief passed her lips. Silently walking towards the house catching glimpses of conversation before ultimately sucking up any fear and opening the front door.

"Bobby, thanks. Thanks for everything. To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure we should come."

"Nonsense. Your Daddy needs help." Once in the messy front room she could clearly see her carer as well as her older brother with a flask in each of their hands.

"Well, yeah, but last time we saw you, I mean, you threatened to blast him full of buckshot . Cocked the shotgun and everything" Bobby smirked at this and Riley couldn't help but to smile at the memory, the day Uncle Bobby became more then just an uncle.

"Yeah, well, what can I say? John just has that effect on people."

Dean nodded and smirk also appeared on his face, "Yeah, I guess he does."

"Damn right he does. Hiya Dean, long time no see." Standing awkwardly in front of Deans gaze before heading over to Bobby and giving him a hug. "Hi Bobby, good day?"

"Great day sweetheart" he said reciprocating the hug and giving the girl a kiss on her head before turning his attention back to Dean who had yet to say anything, "none of that matters now. All that matters is that you get him back."

"What trouble did he get himself into now?" Riley mumbled under my breath with an eye roll as she went to the kitchen to get an after school snack, feeling the lingering eyes of Dean on her back. 'I guess I have changed quite a bit since the last time we saw each other, suppose he's just getting over the shock of it all.' She thought to herself.

"Bobby, this book... I've never seen anything like it" blocking out part of their conversation focusing on homework. She already had an idea on what they were talking about, Bobby was big on teaching her how to protect herself and others without the constant need of hunting and finding a fight that wasn't theirs to begin with. She liked it better then the hunting life she was destined for, being buried in a book and keeping the phones was more her style and she was proud of that, John, not so much.

Before long Riley was brought out of her thoughts at the sound of Rumsfeld barking up a storm before letting out a loud, heartbreaking whine. She quickly walked back into the main room looking at Bobby by the window, "Somethings wrong."

Before she could even take a step towards the door it was kicked in and in stepped some young blonde chick, she quickly recognized her as a demon from the way she threw Dean across the room when he went at her with the Holy Water. Riley was the next to be thrown across the room landing next to Dean. "Isn't it nice to be back in action sis?" Dean asked helping the girl sit up.

"I wouldn't exactly call it nice." she answered quietly with an eye roll and a small groan of pain.

"I want the Colt, Sam - the real Colt - right now." The demon chick demanded to the last Winchester standing.

"We don't have it on us. We buried it."

"Didn't I say 'no more crap'? I swear, after everything I heard about you Winchesters, I got to tell you, I'm a little underwhelmed. First Johnny tries to pawn off a fake gun, and then he leaves the gun with you two chuckle heads. Secondly no one seemed able to find your sister and yet here it is hidden in plain sight. Lackluster, kiddos. I mean, did you really think I wouldn't find you?"

"Actually, we were counting on it." Dean smirked glancing up at the Devils Trap painted on the ceiling of the old house. A breathy laugh left Dean's lips as he pushed himself up from the ground, hauling his sister up also, "gotcha."

After making that the demon, Meg, was secured and trapped in the Devils Trap Bobby had painted Riley and Bobby made the rounds salting every door and window of the house, before long the girl was standing by the front door looking out to where her favorite dog was last seen.

"I salted the doors and windows. If there are any demons out there - they ain't getting in. I'm going to go check on Riley." Bobby's rough voice floated through the house, she could practically feel his fatherly presence behind her before he even spoke, "he's gone isn't he?"

"'fraid so kid, 'fraid so." She felt the tears well up in her eyes but refused to let them fall, "I know you loved him and if you want to cry then no one will judge you." His hand rub soothing circles on Riley's back and arms, she crossed her arms and shook her head.

"No. It's alright, these things happen in our line of work, don't they? You might want to go sort those boys out before they do something they regret. I'll be in my room finishing my homework."

The older man sighed, knowing that the girl who has become like a daughter to him was upset and that put him into an even worse mood. Letting her grieve and get some school work done, Bobby walked to the brothers helping them get answers from the demon chick.

Before long Riley came down stairs just as Bobby walked through the door leading into the hallways, this time with Sam and Dean in tow. "You okay?" Sam asked.

"Shes lying. He's not dead." Dean said though it seems like he was trying to convince not only everyone else but himself the most.

"Dean, you've got to be careful with her. Don't hurt her" Bobby said.

"Why?"

"Because she really is a girl. That's why."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked

"She's possessed. That's a human possessed by a demon, can't you tell?" Riley explained finally contributing to the conversation.

"Are you trying to tell me there's an innocent girl trapped somewhere in there?" Dean asked earning nods from both Bobby and his sister. He then turns to look through the door at Meg before turning back to us. "That's actually good news."

Whilst the three men got ready to perform an exorcism, Riley went into the kitchen getting any supplies ready that they may need for the poor girl who was taking as a meat suit. Yelling from both Dean and Meg could be heard throughout the entire house so Riley tried to drown it out with music. When the screaming had finally stopped she breathed a sigh of relief allowing for the music to take over system once again. Through that only lasted a moment when Bobby rushing in with a blanket looking for a glass of water and the supplies Riley had gotten out. She got up and trailed along behind him seeing the girl that had been possessed lying on the ground looking awfully broken. Taking the glass from Bobby she went to the girl's head, holding it up and allowing for her to take slow sips.

"If Dad's still alive, none of that matters." Dean said, helping Sam to cover her up.

"Where is the demon we're looking for?" Sam asked Meg.

"Not there. Other ones. Awful ones." Meg spoke with a massive strain to her voice, a clear indication of the battles she went through.

"Where are they keeping our Dad?" Dean asked.

"By the river. Sunrise." Meg spoke with one last shaky breath. Riley held the girl's head in her hands looking for any sign of life but there was none.

"'Sunrise.' What does that mean? What does that mean?" Dean asked but stopped when Riley shook her head. Meg was gone, finally experiencing some peace after the last few months or years of absolute hell.

The house became silent for a short period. "You better hurry up and beat it. Before the paramedics get here."

"What are you going to tell them?" Dean asked.

"What you think you guys invented lying to the cops? I'll figure something out." Bobby picks up the Key of Solomon handing it to Sam. "Here take this. You might need it."

"Thanks Bobby" he said taking the book from the older man.

"Hey Ry, what do you say about tagging along? We could sure use some help down there and having our little sister back would be pretty cool. Just like old times." Dean said to his sister with a hopeful expression on his face. She would admit that she missed her brothers but the hunting life just wasn't cut out for her and it would not be a pretty sight when John and her meet again.

"Thanks but I - uh. I think I'm going to stay behind help Bobby clean up the place, plus I've got a ton of school work due tomorrow that I can't skip out on. Maybe next time?" She ask feasibly.

"Yeah, uh sure. Thanks... for everything. Be careful, alright?" He said to the duo.

"You just go find your Dad and when you do, you bring him around would you? I won't even try to shoot him this time." They say our goodbyes then get to work tiding the house before the paramedics arrive and they handed over Meg with a more believable story then the Winchester boys could've ever thought of.

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The next morning Riley wake to a voicemail from an unfamiliar number.

Hey Ry, it's me Sam. Listen there was this accident and I... well... it's Dean. They don't think he's gonna make it. Could you please just call me back? We need you.

#supernatural #winchester #supernatural x reader #supernaturalxsister!reader #supernaturalfic #deanwinchester #samwinchester #bobby #seasonone #spn #spnfandom #spn fanfiction

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hellzyeahwebwieldingreviews · 4 years

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Untold Tales of Spider-Man 02: After the First Death… – by Tom DeFalco

A story that has me debating the nature of these stories.

A soggy Spidey swings through rainy Manhattan looking for crime shots for the Daily Bugle. He comes upon Kent and Wayne Weisinger on the roof of Stockbridge Jewelers, planning to rob it. Confident that he can end the fight anytime he wants to, Spidey stretches it out so that his automatic camera can take as many photos as possible. Kent and Wayne have a longstanding sibling rivalry marked by Kent's resentment of being the "muscle" to Wayne's "brains" along with feeling that his brother always cheats him. During the fight, Kent appears to charge at Spidey but when the web-slinger leaps out of the way, Kent doesn't stop, charging into Wayne and knocking him off the roof. Wayne falls five stories to his death and all the by-standers think Spidey did it. Guiltily, Spidey flees, forgetting about Kent altogether.

So, Kent goes to Wayne's estranged wife Jeannette to tell her the news. "Solid ice," Jeannette could care less about Wayne's death except that she's lost her meal ticket. When Kent blames the death on Spider-Man, Jeannette gets an idea on how to cash in.

In fact, Peter Parker seems to be the only one emotionally affected by Wayne's death. He has a sleepless night, trying to cope with the situation. Unguarded, he admits to J. Jonah Jameson that he has photos of the incident. His resolve to not sell the photos is beaten down by Jameson's arm-twisting and his own need for money. He sells the pictures and is then introduced to Jeannette, now the grieving widow of Wayne, who has come to JJJ for help in instituting a civil suit against Spider-Man. At school, Peter's conscience makes him counter Flash Thompson's avowal that "Spidey's no murderer" with "Maybe the wall-crawler didn't actually kill the man... but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be held accountable for what happened." Back in action, Spidey hesitates over stopping a purse-snatcher, fearful that he may cause another tragedy. Back home, Peter doesn't know what to do. He recalls that Uncle Ben's death made him swear, "that no innocent person would ever again be made to suffer because Spider-Man had failed to act. It had never occurred to him that anyone would suffer because of Spider-Man's acts." And while Wayne wasn't exactly innocent, "he had suffered because Peter had acted irresponsibly." He ends up having one of those vague discussions with Aunt May where he can't tell her any details because she doesn't know he's Spider-Man, yet she manages to hit the nail on the head, telling him in this case, "Everybody makes mistakes, Peter. You just try to learn from your failures as best you can, and you move on. You'll always get another chance to do better as long as you keep at it."

Meanwhile, Jeannette decides to kick Kent out of the deal and keep any anticipated profits for herself. So even as Spidey sucks it up and gets back into action, proving himself a hero, Kent decides he's not going to be kicked around anymore, buttonholes a TV reporter and gives an interview in which he reveals "that he deliberately pushed his elder brother off the roof of Stockbridge Jewelers because of numerous past frustrations." At Midtown High, Flash crows over Spidey's exoneration but Peter won't let the web-slinger off so easily. "A real hero would have found a way to save Wayne Weisinger" he says, "He would have acted smarter, reacted quicker, or behaved more responsibly... And that's something Spider-Man will have to live with for the rest of his life."

Because these are untold tales, prose stories and utilize the comic book continuity you can analyse them from several different angles and their worth changes depending upon those angles.

Chiefly this boils down to whether I judge this as a story unto itself or within the context of comic book continuity as it existed back then? What about the fact that I’m here in 2020 evaluating a prose book written in 1990 that’s trying to synch up with comic book stories written in the 1960.

It boggles the mind. All I can do is write about how I feel.

I liked this story unto itself and within the context of this book. I think, kind of like the last story, that it doesn’t really integrate into Spider-Man’s comic book history.

The emotional journey of Peter in this story involves learning that he needs to be careful about how he acts. In this regard it’s rather similar to his lesson from Gwen’s death, which is kind of my problem. This story’s title implies this is in fact the very first time Spider-Man has experienced death ‘on the job’ as it were.

Surely such a thing would weigh on his mind more, surely it’d crop up when he dwells on the list of people he’s seen die or feels guilty about dying. Or at least he’d be reminded of Wayne’s death when Gwen dies.

In the comics of course Wayne has never ever been mentioned. Duh, because he didn’t exist until DeFalco invented him for this story. Of course we could draw comparisons with Sally Avril, a character from AF #15 who died in the comic book version of Untold Tales but whose death went unacknowledged in stories from the 60s-90s.

I think the critical difference there is that (IIRC) Peter wasn’t particularly responsible for her death whereas in the case of Wayne, whilst he didn’t push him off the building, his arrogance really did directly contribute to his death. Plus seeing a man die in such a horrible way, especially if it is the first time he’s ever seen a dead body, would likely leave a bigger impression upon Peter than the nature of Sally’s death, although I must admit it’s been a long time since I read that issue so perhaps I am wrong.

From a continuity stand point this is the minefield you always walk, but at the same time it’d be difficult to generate drama if you didn’t step on those mines occasionally.

I feel DeFalco here wanted to tell a dramatic story that had Peter grapple with a genuinely emotional situation and also took advantage of the nature of this story as a flashback tale.

And frankly he succeeded. If you view this either out of continuity or essentially within an incredibly generalized canon of Spider-Man (i.e. Gwen Stacy died, whether Peter did or didn’t think about Wayne is ambiguous though) the story very much works. I doubt DeFalco or anyone else was honestly feeling any of these stories were going to strictly be canon anyway. However for the record this story happens at some point after ASM #9 because when we get a list of Spider-Man’s opponents they all appeared up to that issue.

Looking at the story itself its flaws are incredibly minor.

Some of the dialogue feels old fashioned, but I argue that is likely by design since this is set in an older time period. We go over exposition related to Peter’s origin again, which is more the editor’s fault since we got those details in the first story of the anthology. In fairness revisiting it does serve a greater purpose here because the story is directly ruminating upon the nature of responsibility. In that sense it would’ve been more logical to open the book up with this than the Ant-Man story and I see little reason as to why this couldn’t have in theory happened at an earlier point chronologically. Yeah the Ant-Man story claims Spider-Man’s a new figure on the scene but the passage of time in the first 10 issues of ASM is so vague it’s really not unbelievable that even by issue #9 Spidey might still be considered ‘new’.

Not only does the story explore (and successfully at that) the theme of responsibility, approaching it from the opposite direction from the lesson Ben’s death imparted, but it also features the supporting cast more. Flash, Aunt May, Jameson, the Bugle and public distrust of Spider-Man are all given notable roles to play in the story, again proving that THIS should’ve opened the book.

To go back to the theme of responsibility for a moment, perhaps the most nuanced bit of writing in the story is when Peter is on the phone to Jameson. Peter has a really great ethical dilemma. Would it be irresponsible to profit off of Wayne’s death or would it be irresponsible to not profit off of it and use the money to support his Aunt May?

DeFalco more than any other writer GETS Spider-Man and his depiction of Peter’s internal debate, whilst short, rings utterly true. What gets me is that most of the time whenever I’ve seen this sort of thing done with Peter he’s actually made a different decision, but here DeFalco recognizes that in actuality Peter WOULD consider his responsibilities as the bread winner outweigh what boils down to him merely feeling bad about profiting off a man’s death. It’s not all that different to when he faked photos of Electro to help Aunt May. Yes it’s unethical, but there was a higher responsibility, a greater good at stake.*

Kent and Jeanette’s subplot, whilst arguably wrapped up unsatisfactorily, does a neat job of evoking something of a daytime drama or even noir story, and in that light fits wonderfully into the brand of stories Lee and Ditko churned out way back at the start.

In fact of the two opening stories this one more successfully captured that era and by extension the approach of the comic book version of UToSM. Whilst the Ant-Man story was fun, it was the prose equivalent of a typical MTU super hero yarn complete with dodgy pseudo science.

This story though? Now this is a Spider-Man story. It has a singular main character (Kent is ultimately a supporting player) and whether he’s in or out of the costume the story is driven by the emotional and human problems faced by the character, not the fantastical super human issues. In classic Spidey manner those two halves of his life bleed over into one another and lack a clear cut divide.

Really in the Ant-Man story Peter’s personal life would’ve gone mostly unaffected whether he had gotten involved or not. It wasn’t about Peter Parker, it was about Spider-Man. This story is about both.

Peter needs money to look after himself, his home and Aunt May. So he looks for trouble as Spider-Man and pads out a fight. That gets someone killed which haunts Peter and makes him hesitate to BE Spider-Man, even whilst he reluctantly profits off it as Peter Parker which in turn contributes to his being falsely accused as Spider-Man and kids as school hating on him because he will not defend Spider-Man from these accusations.

Wham, Bam, DeFalco is the Man. THAT’S a fucking Spidey story right there!

The only thing for me which really and truly did let this story down wasn’t the fault of the book, but the audio production.

I’m hoping DeSantos was just off his game for this story, but between this and his prior efforts I think he’s achingly miscast as the narrator of this title. He worked better narrating Stan Lee and Busiek’s forwards than the actual stories. As Aunt May, Kent and Jeanette he wasn’t that bad (actually pretty good as Kent), but his Peter/Spider-Man fails. He can’t even sell the emotion of the non-dialogue bits. He’s not a bad narrator, but not right for this book.

Over all taken strictly within comics canon there are a lot of contradictions. But taken as it’s own thing or (I suspect) within the context of this one book, this is a knock out story.

*By the way DeFalco also seamlessly blends humour and tragedy in the scene. Peter’s internal debate and horror at the prospect of profiting off of Wayne’s death leaves him in silence which in turn is misinterpreted by Jameson causing him to raise his offer which in turn causes Peter more internal strife. Just brilliant!

#Tom DeFalco #Ron Frenz #Gwen Stacy #Spider-Man #Peter Parker #Untold Tales Of Spider-Man #Stan Lee #Kurt Busiek #Aunt May #May Parker #J. Jonah Jameson

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what-even-is-thiss · 6 years

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Maybe it’s not always obvious or maybe it’s never obvious, but my anxiety is always there and it’s always physical. It exhausts me emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It started in February 2017, and peaked in extremity that May. Since then I’ve been recovering. I’ve been just going through the motions for almost a year and a half now. In that time I’ve made friends, started writing fanfiction, and learned a great deal. But the anxiety has pressed down on all of that, making it less than it is. Making me do less. Cutting me off from old and new friends and opportunities that I want or need. I’ve lost a lot to my anxiety. A lot. A year and a half of the very earliest part of my adulthood, my energy, my motivation, potential new friends, the way my personality was before it got this bad. It’s changed me and now that I’ve gotten out of the worst of it I find that I’m in mourning for who I used to be and what I could have been without this thing weighing me down. But I can’t afford to be bitter. I can’t. This is nobody’s fault. I reached young adulthood and developed an emotion based disorder that I have a genetic predisposition for. That’s just what happened. It sucks, but it’s nobody’s fault. I’ve had to learn to be gentle with myself. My self hatred hasn’t gotten worse but it has evolved. It’s isolating here in my head. So very isolating. Nobody knows the extent of any of it except for me. People who have anxiety also often have depression. I do not have depression. So, it’s hard to find people to relate to. People that really get what it’s like having all consuming anxiety without depression. It’s hard. This is hard. I do fear that my current recovery is just one wave of the anxiety subsiding before a tsunami comes crashing in. The idea of it getting this bad all the time again scares me so much. It’s bad right now. If someone were to try and communicate with me verbally at the moment I’d struggle to do it. But periods like this are getting less and less frequent thank god. I just wish I could know for certain that they won’t get that bad again. For months last year I would get dizzy after taking a deep breath because I was going so long with just short anxious breaths that my body wasn’t used to having enough oxygen so I got dizzy. My lower intestine hurt all of the time because being anxious constantly messes with your digestion. My asthma worsened, my immune system became weaker, I got sick more often, I had a panic attack almost every month, and on the worst days I got tired after just walking across a parking lot. Some days I couldn’t even walk to the kitchen but I made myself do more than that anyways. I don’t want to go back to that. Just thinking about the possibility of it getting that bad again makes me want to burst into tears. I couldn’t handle living like that for months on end again. But it’s a real possibility and I’m so scared. Things are finally getting better for me. I’m getting better at college, I’ve started T, I’m losing a little weight, and the anxiety is going down. I just hope it doesn’t get bad again. I really really hope it doesn’t. I wasn’t even a person during that time. I was just surviving, pretending to be a human being. Pretending I was okay for everyone because I knew they were tired of hearing about it and couldn’t understand it. I’m just so scared right now. I’m scared that it’ll get that bad again and stay that bad for months. I can’t go through that again. I’ve already lost enough time. I don’t want to lose any more time. I’m so anxious right now. It’s reminding me of the worst of it again. My chest hurts so bad and I can’t smell jasmine flowers anymore because they remind me of a bad panic attack I had. I just want to get better. I think nobody understands just how much I want it to stop. And I’m trying so hard but I get so tired and then the silliest things send me into a panic. I just hope I can get over this. Finish grieving for the year of my life that I lost and then move on to the rest of forever.

#rambling #extreme anxiety

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brianwestchest · 7 years

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Day 722- Suicide

There’s that word again. Suicide. Taking one’s own life. For many of us parents it’s the way our children crossed into the next world. For even more of us, it’s something that we have considered for ourselves at one time or another. When we found Shayna unresponsive in her bed, a healthy 15 year old girl, I had to wonder, had she taken her own life? Until the coroner’s report came back weeks later, I wasn’t sure. So, for a time, I have lived with at least wondering about that.

As a parent whose child has gone back Home before him, I have contemplated suicide myself. I think it’s a natural thing, even though we aren't supposed to talk about it. How many of us wouldn’t do literally anything for our children? We would die for them. We would kill for them. It’s a natural progression to say we would kill ourselves and die to be with them again.

We can’t discuss this among “normal” people. But, it’s just us here. So, let’s talk. It’s just us parents left in a world without the most precious thing we’ve ever known. A world where all the color has been sucked out of it and we’re left with black and white. We are stuck here because others need us. Our other kids need us. Our spouses need us. Our aging parents need us. So here we are going through the motions every day to make others happy while we secretly long for it just to be over and to have that moment of reunion where we know we’ll never have to say goodbye again.

Suicide is taboo in our society. No matter what, life is of paramount importance. No matter how you are suffering, how hopeless things appear, you’re just supposed to “hang in there”. For some, most I would guess, suicide is an end, a blessed reprieve, just going into blackness. It’s like turning off a light switch. My guess is for most, that suicide is simply a way to end their pain. They don’t think about what’s on the other side of it. It’s just “I won’t hurt anymore.” But, we know that’s not true. Suicide is not the end. You do not die. You cannot die. That is the good and the bad news.

For us parents though, suicide is not just an end to the pain. And we want the pain to end. It’s the promise of a reunion with our kids. It can be tempting. Very tempting.

Religion has tried to scare us into thinking suicide is the ultimate unforgivable sin. If you kill yourself, you’ll have no chance to repent. Your last act will be the murder of yourself, therefore God will have no choice but to send you to eternal fiery hell. But, we know better. There is no eternal fiery hell. More importantly, there is no god who would do such a monstrous thing. So, is suicide a way to go into bliss? A shortcut to getting to where we want to be? Maybe not.

Some mediums tell us that if you commit suicide you end up in a hellish state. (Chico Xavier made this famous is his book turned into movie Nossa Lar- The Astral City). Even unintentional suicides end up in this hellish place, according to him. Once they get out of the hell place, they go to a hospital setting. It’s a long hard road to recovery. I believe that this is still some religious holdover on his part. Susanne Wilson tells us you might not be with your loved ones right away because you’ll be in recovery for a period of time. That rings true with me.

There is a problem with the rosy view of an afterlife of pure bliss, as explored in the film, The Discovery, which (sadly) focused almost exclusively on the downside of proof of an afterlife. Since this life is so hard, if the next life is pure bliss and I can get that pure bliss simply by ending this life, why hang on here? It’s a great question and one those of us in the afterlife studies field can’t avoid.

I think the answer is somewhere between a fiery hell and a rosy bliss filled existence for those who commit suicide. I don’t think suicide is the ultimate sin. But, when we contemplate such a thing, we have to remember we are not solo beings. We all have people who love us and care for us. Suicide might not hurt us, but it damn sure it going to hurt them. They will be left wondering what they could have done differently. They will wonder how they missed the signs. They will miss your presence. They will be changed for the rest of their time here. The hell of losing a child early is that there is no easy way out. I think those who commit suicide when they go through their life review and when they observe their loved ones after their passing will have to account to themselves (and themselves only) for their actions. That will probably require recovery. That may require working with those they left behind making atonement. The problems of this world aren’t immediately resolved when we cross over. We are essentially the same people. Sorry. There are no short cuts.

My plan is to stick it out here. Since I am here, there must be some purpose for me being here. I was talking to a grieving mother yesterday whose son transitioned just 8 months ago. She says she thinks she’s already fulfilled her purpose and she’s ready to go. I remember saying the same thing myself just a few months ago. And, I’m sure before it’s all over, I’ll say it again. It will be two years in 9 days and every single day is hard. Every night when I lay my head on the pillow I rejoice that it’s one day closer, one day less I have to deal with the troubles of this world. But, I wake up every morning saying (in my Phineas and Ferb voice- Shayna and I loved that show) "What do you want to do today?” I listen for my guides (and Shayna) to give me direction. Then, I get out of bed and I do it. If you’re here (and if you’re reading this you are here), you’re still here for a reason. It’s often not easy to find the strength to keep moving forward, but we can only go in one direction. Forward. If there is anything I can to do help you along the way, let me know. We’ll all get there, together. And it’ll be worth every second of it. I’m sure of that.

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therestofpage20 · 7 years

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Hey gal I'm so sad cause my ex recently broke up with me and every time I'm not kept busy I always think what is he doing and if he left me to be with someone etc it sucks :( xx

I like to define changes in my life by hair. That awful perm with the bangs? Fifth grade for sure. Those caramel brown highlights with the overly straightened hair? Freshman year look. Whenever I go through drastic change, I define it with my hair. Right now it is short and very blonde and I feel as light as the toner my hair stylist put on it to make it that way.

I want you to find something to mark this period of change in your life and then proceed from there. You aren’t going to stop thinking about it if you don’t stop thinking about it. You need to look forward at the days ahead instead of looking at the days back. You cannot change what happened. I’m sorry it ended. So so sorry sorry. I can only imagine how badly your heart must feel, but I can tell you that there will be so many new opportunities and things ahead.

For me, talking about it doesn’t help. I’ll torture myself into circles of why it didn’t work out or hammering my thoughts as to if they’re seeing someone new… which leads to wondering if this girl has whiter teeth than me or a softer laugh than me or bigger tits than I do. The more I talk about the loss of someone I’ve found that I am stuck in the exact same spot I was when I was with them - with long, brown curly hair.

Cut it off.

I do want you to know that it’s okay to reflect on it. Cry over it. Overthink it. It’s a normal step in grieving. But if you want to fast forward to the reformation, you have to let go. You have to fill the cup that he left empty with other things and I am positive you will find whatever this may be.

What I’m trying to get at is that you have lived through a series of transitional stages in your life up to this point. Even the embarrassing bowl cuts and time you took your kitchen scissors in hopes of finding resilience in a new hairstyle. Change is absolutely inevitable and sometimes you will find that it is for the better. This marks a new beginning for you without him.

You know that second you look in the mirror and your shocked and hate your haircut? You’re like, “Why the fuck did I spend forty dollars to look like my aunt Susan?” Then, two weeks later you absolutely love it?

That’s what you will feel. Life without your ex seems impossible at first, but you will find the reasons why it didn’t work out in yourself.

PS: Just don’t go purple. Anything but purple.

#answered #asks #poetry

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datingadviceonreddit · 4 years

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Hello Reddit, my name is Andy. This post will be quite lengthy, but I wanted to include as much insight and guidance with my experience and knowledge. The introduction is just a small bit about myself that you might be able to relate to. Feel free to skip it and straight to the points if you aren't interested in my stories. The points will be in chronological order in the healing process which can apply to most people, but remember that it is all different from person to person, each phase can take different amount of time for each person - approach at your own pace.IntroductionI have a small bit of experience in the dating world. I've experienced two major heartbreaks throughout my short span of life on Earth. The first was my first relationship, which just like many people: seemed to be something that will last forever and she seemed like the right one, the one that was meant for me. Until one small argument, until the end of the honeymoon period, and until everything turns into shit and chaos and you find yourself angry about them for leaving you when you needed them the most, then you find yourself drunk texting them (yup, I did that stupid shit), and begging to have them come back just to have all hopes squashed. I was then diagnosed with depression and severe mental trauma (I was in a serious car crash, and then a family member passed away, both just right before the breakup, which all built up and exploded with the breakup). The second serious relationship was just as hurtful, if not more. You feel that this person saved you from all the agony of previous heartbreaks, which they probably did, and you healed and eventually become the person you wanted to be to be there for them and love them for your entire life. She is the one!!! I learned from the past and I know how to make sure things won't go wrong again!! But nope, the inevitable happened, and you find yourself with all hope lost, with your closest friend suddenly disappeared, with memories poking your already broken heart with thorns, and all the happy images of yourself in the future suddenly gone. And this, is where I lead into my first point.1. Grieve - A necessary process to get a hold of yourself.When you are fresh out of a breakup, it will be painful, it will come with a lot of crying, a lot of self-doubts. Grieve all you want, cry as loud as you wish, blast the sad Ed Sheeran songs as loud as you can. Living through the pain is necessary to begin healing, just like how when you get a deep cut you must feel the pain, but this time it's a cut to your heart. It will be harsh, but don't try to deny it. The more you deny it, the more you delay the pain - therefore increasing the amount of time needed to heal. You will most likely not get off your bed when you wake up, you will most likely have no motivation for anything, and you will most likely have no appetite to even eat. Do whatever you want, it's the time you deserve, you stayed strong for your ex through the entire relationship, no one has the right to take your break time away from you. This is the time when you get to do whatever you want, without worrying about your partner.-Things to do-Lay in bed.Cry.Listen to your saddest songs.Drive out in the middle of the night.Call time off work / school.Literally whatever the hell you want.-Do NOT-Put yourself in harm's way.Hurt yourself.Indulge yourself in alcoholism / drugs.Rebound- the rebound does not deserve fake love, nor do you, it'll just delay the pain.!!! DO NOT DRUNK / HIGH TEXT OR CALL THEM2. Learn to Accept - Accept the Outcomes, and Accept Yourself.You grieved, but understand that you can't hold yourself back by continuous grieving, you cannot continue to live like this forever. You must come to terms with and accept the truth. This is the hardest part of a breakup, but if you can endure this, it'll save you from much unnecessary pain and time wasted that could go into your healing process. You see them adding people on FaceBook, posting happy pictures on Instagram, rebounding with someone else on Snapchat. You must accept it, the person you loved is no where to be found (I mean, if they chose to leave you, unless for uncontrollable circumstances, it means they had a change of heart, they no longer love you, it's harsh, but it's the truth). You must be able to accept the fact that chances for reconciliation are small (not impossible). The gist is this, don't hold onto your hopes, don't imagine that they would come back begging for your forgiveness. If you continue to hold onto your hopes, it just makes you relive the pain when the hope is squashed. Accept the facts, but also accept yourself. "It is what it is". Yes, for the relationship, but not for you. You will question if you weren't good enough, if you were just a f*ck up after all and they left you. But realize this - you are who you choose to be, the person that just left you does not decide that for you unless you allow them to. In this phase, you must learn to accept yourself for who you are, and that you have limitless potential ahead of you. It is cliche, but the only person who can limit you is yourself, you are your biggest enemy, you are the only person who decides how fast you'll heal.-Things to Do-Approach the facts - Do so at a pace that you are comfortable with, the goal here is acceptance.Learn about the situation. - Gain insight on what was wrong, put no blames on anyone, just what the problem was.Learn about yourself. - Discover, if you are reading this you probably still have a lot ahead of you in the future.Begin self reflection - Find out what you lost during the relationship, what you've been disconnected to,See the situation with an open mind - remember that you aren't alone, almost everyone experience heartbreaks in their lives, and you have people, like myself and reddit to support you.*optional Write about your thoughts, but do not continuously write about your sadness and then fall into the sadness. This happened to me, so maybe writing it out isn't for everyone unless you can endure it.*optional Cut contact with your ex. This is optional because many people aren't strong enough to do this, or maybe you ended on good terms. Just know that you put yourself at risk of remembering what hurt you in the first place. Do this at your own risk.-Do NOT-Sink into the pain of accepting the truth. - I've done this, it's hard but keep this in mind.Reach out to them - just to lose all the progress you've made.Fear of never finding love and happiness - you will feel this way, but trust me, it comes with time.Second guess your own reflections and twist them into ways to magically get your ex back - I don't know how many times I've seen myself and others do this.Imagine that miracles will happen, that the Law of Attraction will magically suck your ex back to you just by obsessing over them every second. - Yeah, no.Continuously stalk their social media. - doesn't change anything, just drives yourself nuts with every little bit of updates and stalls pain.3. Reflection - Turn Your Reflection into Action.By this point, you are probably bearing with a huge amount of pain, but hold on for dear life. You will continue to feel this way until you walk out of it. If you have been following the tips, you should have begun to reflect upon yourself and the situation with an open mind. What have lost during the relationship? What characteristics that define you did you give up? What hobbies did you disconnect to? Find out all these things that you used to live with before you met your partner, and retrieve them. Even better, if you feel comfortable enough, pick up new hobbies! Buy a small cactus and take care of it, read a book, decorate your room, whatever it is that you are interested in. This is the phase where you begin turn your reflections in to action and distractions to remove yourself away from the pain.-Things to Do-Continue to explore yourself - Trust me, you don't know yourself as well as you think you do.Reconnect with positive things that influenced your previous single life - Let it be a hobby or a close friend that you haven't talked to in a cool minute.Begin to build your character, both physically and mentally. - Learn a new skill, start working out, anything to make yourself better and confident. Exercising is proven to make you happy by producing dopamine. Not only are you gonna have a nice body, you gonna feel happier too, sound like a good deal to me, right?Hold on for dear life when the grieve comes back - it is momentarily, you're too deep in this to give up now!-Do NOT-Pick up a hobby that reminds you of your ex. - Doesn't seem smart, huh?Do things for your ex's attention - trust me you'll look cringe to others and your ex can tell.Do self-improvements in the hopes of having your ex see a new you and be attracted to you again - no you idiot, do this for yourself, not for them. It's like saying a bully stole your lunch money and you bring back more money the next day to flash in front of them and then have it stolen again.If you have a nicotine addiction, don't try to make drastic cuts to feel accomplished, the withdrawals will fuck with your mind, unless you feel confident enough to do so, it is not the right time to have an extra layer of blurriness on your mind. (Of course, smoking is bad, do at your own pace).4. Get a Grip - Start Handling Yourself and Your Life.Give yourself a pat on the shoulder, buy yourself that jacket you've wanted for a long time. You deserve it if you made it this far. Here is where you begin to enjoy yourself and do some self love. You probably still think about your ex sometimes, from here and there, and the pain may still haunt you, but understand that it's the way that love works, and that with time (the best medicine money can't buy), the pain will start turning into loving memories that you treasure as long as you stay open minded. You may still love them, but you've opened your mind clear enough to know that loving someone doesn't mean you have to have them in your everyday life. Begin to shift those memories that haunted you to endless sobs to a piece of happiness you've experienced in life. Appreciate those times for teaching you what happiness looks like, so next time you can seek for even greater happiness. Do not hold resentment against your ex, maybe it was just the wrong person at the wrong time, maybe uncontrollable circumstances split you two apart (in my case, COVID-19 put us apart, feelings began to fade, how unfortunate right?) maybe you truly are meant for each other, maybe you aren't, who knows? The fact is this - Whatever in life that's meant for you will come around to you as long as you do the work. By this point I hope you are open minded enough to understand that life will bring you your "meant-to-be" at some point, whether is it the ex you are trying to chase back or someone even better, life will bring you who you deserve, so get a grip pal, get your shit together now because we gonna start grinding to make sure we deserve happiness!-Things to do-Surround yourself with the spirits that you love - let it be your friend, your little cactus that you began to grow in phase 3, your mom's uncle's 3rd cousin, let it be whoever that supports you and loves you and witnessed your growth.Treat yourself right - you understand your worth now, you might feel good or feel bad about yourself, but either way is good. If you feel good, then you know you can be better, if you feel bad, let it be the motivation to be better.CONTINUE the hobbies that you picked up, CONTINUE to do things that make you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. - Stay on top of your workouts, continue to be happy and allow the subtle pain of your ex to be with you, you know better to not have it send you back to phase 1. For example, I rediscovered myself in phase 3, I understood that I as a person will be happy when I am able to make the people around me happy, but due to depression and mental health issues I've been pretending as someone that I'm not, and it only made me feel more empty. One day my mom (old Asian lady, never buys things too expensive and always invested all she had in her kids) wanted to make cakes but could dare to buy a stand mixer with a hefty price tag, I went ahead and bought that for her, the happiness I saw on her face gave me a sense of hope and positivity in life. By doing things that make you happy, you allow yourself to maintain an open mind and a positive perception of life.Present yourself the way you've wanted to - this is your time to be confident, package yourself in outfit styles you've always wanted to try and rock that shit, take off your shirt to show off the body you've earned through hard workouts, let all that confidence be oozing out you when when someone sees you!-Do NOT-Start acting toxic towards your ex - more hate and resentment leads to unnecessary thoughts and possible pain. Love and appreciate him / her for the happy memories and lessons learned.Package yourself too dramatically - don't go for a drastic haircut out of breakup rage, and don't all of a sudden start dressing like Kanye. You'll most likely be unhappy of the results unless you truly wished to make those changes.Continuously talk to your friends about the breakup. - they are there for you, but at some point it gets annoying if that's all you talk about, if you find yourself only having the breakup on your mind, return to previous phases as fit and let time sink in, trust me.Start making having a partner a priority - continue to focus on yourself.Start dating new people / making random friends - You probably aren't ready yet if you are still here, if you feel otherwise, continue to next phase.5. New Life - Live Your Purpose to Its FullestYou can truly consider yourself here when you are able to manage being on your own, when you've overcome the harsh feelings of suddenly losing a part of your life that was once important. You now know who you are in this moment, and you continue to work on yourself to maintain that mindset. You strive for happiness and positivity. This is the new chapter in your life, apply what you've learn from the previous chapters, and understand that the new chapter isn't a guaranteed happy ending either. Here, is where you make a difference, where you continue to grow and learn. I'm glad you've made it here buddy. Everyone deserves what's best for them, and I'm glad you understand that too now.-What to do-Decisions - You will most likely have a new outlook of life after every bit of agony you've endured, decide what your purpose and goals are.Finding happiness - If you feel that you are truly ready for someone new in your new chapter, begin to do so.Make new friends - Always good to expand, if you aren't comfortable with new people that's okay too, every small bit of interaction counts!Follow your passion - Just like tip #1. Just on a smaller scale.\IMPORTANT* CONTINUE TO GROW* - You didn't come all this way to be happy with the way it is, it only gets better from here!-Do NOT-Allow your ex back in your life - if they were toxic or mistreated you, give them a big hell nah when they try. If they weren't, do what you wish with your general relationship with them, could be a friend, close friend, or possibly one day your true soul mate, who knows right? (Previously mentioned in phase 4)Stop the growth - nah man, don't do this, don't waste your time and effort like that.Repeat your own mistakes - Even history textbooks teach this, shouldn't you do the same with your own life?ConclusionIf you've read through it all and have a general gist of the harsh journey, you'll understand that it takes time. I know how you feel, as someone who walked out of depression through trial and error all alone, I understand that all the concept may be too hard to grasp onto right now. It makes sense in the back of your head and you know it's true, but it's too hard to be put in actual actions yet. Don't worry, you have people who care about you, and you just have to let time sink in. Trust me when I say this, time is the best medicine that money can't buy, don't rush, and don't stall, let time do its job to support you through this. Your end goal isn't to prove anyone anything, your goal is to come out as the most beautiful butterfly, or the sexiest man with the most shredded six pack, whatever it is, it's for self growth, to be more mature, and to be more understand to the decisions your ex made. It was probably hard for them to make the decision to end things too. You'll move onto better things in life if you keep yourself in check. As for your thoughts about your ex, put them aside, focus on what you have, focus on yourself and the people who stayed by your side. It is true, that people do have successful stories of getting back with an ex, but those are the type of things you can't force. Focus on yourself, be the person you wish to be, live life to the fullest, and life will award you with what you deserve, let it be your ex, or let it be someone better, there is happiness waiting ahead for you whenever you are ready! via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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waters-alma · 5 years

Text

All That I Ask

Alina felt the absence of the light, the vacant space in her chest rotting away inside of her. None of them had expected this, the price of losing her power. It had been glorious the way it left her to bless the otkazat'sya, her final act as a saint, but no one expected the sickness that came later, the decay that ripped through her once healthy body.

It had laid dormant for a few months and Alina chalked her quickening exhaustion and fatigue to the loss, after all she had been used to the constant hum of energy within her. But as her skin began to dry and crack at the smallest breeze, her white hair turning brittle and dull far too quickly for comfort, Mal had suspected something much darker. He summoned their friends to Karamzin, desperate for a tonic or tincture to ease the symptoms until Alina’s body grew used to the absence.

“Grisha draw strength from their power,” Genya hummed, “It’s normal that lack of use would deteriorate the body,”

Alina sat on a chair, all too thin and breath too laboured for comfort. She knew, deep inside, that something was very wrong inside of her and she knew exactly what it was. Alina refused to even think it, but soon enough her friends would come to the same conclusion and that would be that. She watched them silently, sadly, avoiding Nikolai’s steady gaze from across the room.

“But Alina has no power to summon, anymore,” David spoke softly, an apologetic look in his eyes as he glanced at his friend. No one wanted to remind Alina of what she had lost but it was all too obvious.

“She’s an otkazat'sya-“

“No, she isn’t,” Zoya snapped, cutting Mal off, “She never was,”

“It’s not something you can swap between, Mal,” Genya’s voice dropped, “Grisha is who you are, we don’t get sick, we get stronger. A Grisha has never lost their power before, that we know of, and the thought of it alone is… terrifying,”

“So if simply not using the power severely weakens a Grisha,” Nikolai said stiffly, his expression unreadable as he turned his black gaze on Genya, “What would it be like to have it torn from you?”

His words sent shivers down everyones spine. Torn from you, the phrasing was brutal, but accurate in Alina’s mind. She could feel the fraying edges in her chest, tickling her insides and polluting her blood. She could hear Genya prattle on about tests and healers, Nikolai insisting on moving Alina to the Grand Palace but she tuned them out, it was hard to focus when she couldn’t feel her heart beat in her chest, when the only sound in her ribs was a death rattle. It was ironic, really, how less than a year ago she had been faced with an endless expanse of time in front of her, and now Alina’s own mortality was something she was so aware of that she had to choke down a laugh at the thought.

“I’m going to die,” Alina whispered, and silence was deafening around her as stunned eyes glistened with fear, “I can feel it,”

Mal stormed out of the room, doors slamming behind him. Zoya’s jaw tightened as her whole body stiffened. Genya’s green eye overflowed with tears as she laced her finger’s with David’s, continuing her planning with a stoney-eyed Nikolai.

—

Alina was stuck in a period where everything had gone downhill but she couldn’t find the strength to care. She was falling to pieces bit by burning bit and it was only a matter of time before she was gone completely, her bones turned to ash and whatever memory held of her fading more and more with each passing day.

“What does it feel like?” a healer asked her, documenting each and every little thing.

“Like i’m dying,” Alina smiled, the absence hadn’t taken her sense of humour.

“Now now, sunshine,” Nikolai’s smile was crooked, amused, “as much as i love your wit, this might be the time for an actual answer,”

Alina knew it hurt him to use the nickname. She was less sunshine and more graveyard these days.

“I can feel the absence expanding,” Alina hated the way people looked at her now, “winding it’s way through my system. Yesterday it was down my forearm and today it’s reached the very tips of my fingers, curled around my bones like vines,”

That’s how it was when you were dying, when you could feel every little thing the sickness was taking from you. Except Alina could see what it was taking from everyone else, too.

“I can feel my insides shutting down,” she finished, keeping her eyes locked with Nikolai’s.

Alina used to wonder why this was happening, her power had left her, not the other way around. Saints knew she’d use it if she could but that’s not how this worked. She had to pay a price for using the third amplifier and that’s exactly what she was doing. Alina tried to block out the sadness around her, letting the healers and Genya do whatever they needed to her, she let David hook her up to strange machines that monitored her heart-rate and vital signs, rigging it to set off alarms at the slightest sign of danger so she could be watched 24/7.

She tried to block out the girls she saw Mal lead up to his room every night, he was dealing and that’s all she could ask for, though she didn’t hide her disgust. Nikolai stayed close by her side, never showing his pain or grief, even has he held her hair back as she vomited anything her stomach managed to let go of. Sometimes it was food she’d somehow been able to keep down for little while, other times it was blood, though neither seemed to faze him.

Nikolai looked at her like she was still Alina, sick and pale and tired looking, but still the Alina he had come to love. For once she was going to allow herself to lean on that because she had to feel her life slowly slip away and, saints she was going to be gone soon and she didn’t want to die alone. Mal had come to find solace in the arms of other women and Alina didn’t blame him, better he start to move on while she was still here to try and hate him, because no one felt sad when someone who despised you died. He had been there when the healers had given their best approximation for the time she had left, and he celebrated by drowning himself in whatever poison was strong enough to numb the pain, usually kvas, because if Alina couldn’t drink herself into oblivion then he was more than happy to do it for her. She had moved into a separate bedroom as the floor piled high with empty bottles and underthings from strange women, Genya creating a place for herself on the daybed she dragged away from the window. The sunlight only served to tease them, it seemed.

Nikolai was the only one who let her speak about her death freely. He was already grieving her, getting his chance to say goodbye while she was here to allow him to let her go.

“I’m so tired of trying to hold it together,” Alina whispered, hands shaking as she stared at the grey veins that snaked under her skin, “I know I’m never going to get better, I just need them to see that,”

“They will, sweetheart,” Nikolai traced the skeins of darkness under her skin, “They just need time,”

“I can’t wait around for them to be ready. I can’t even remember the last time I felt anything other than pain, Nikolai, I just want to be done,”

Alina heard the man beside her suck in a shaky breath.

“It was a great world we lived in. I loved you so much I thought I would break for it,” Nikolai’s voice was smooth, even and eloquent as ever, “you were a light that never dimmed,”

Alina didn’t miss how he spoke about her in past tense, it put her at ease, even as Nikolai kept his head down, ankles crossed and back straight as he leaned against the pillows at his back.

“Some people have a beauty in the simplest of movements. I could spend hours finding oceans in the whorls of your fingertips. Every part of you was a mystery, a delight, a gift, Alina,” Nikolai gently placed a finger under her chin, lifting her gaze to meet his. His hazel eyes were sad, glistening with tears as he leaned in to place a kiss on her forehead so gentle she wasn’t sure if she even felt it. “Say your goodbyes, sunshine, and be done. You deserve anything your broken little heart desires, even if it is an ending,”

Alina brushed her fingers across Nikolai’s cheek, smiling softly as he closed his eyes and leaned into her.

“Thank you” she whispered. She wouldn’t say that she loved him, she wouldn’t say it to anyone these days, the words only brought more unnecessary pain.

Alina slipped down from her bed, leaving Nikolai to collect himself in private. He would be okay, she had faith in him to guide the others into acceptance, to understand her thoughts. Alina swayed on her feet, desperately trying to ignore the nausea that swirled through her body. She made her way down the hall, every ounce of her being telling her to turn back, that she didn’t want to do this because she was going to die tonight and Mal was going to be okay, he was going to live and she couldn’t help but resent him a little for that.

The door was ajar and Mal sat at the foot of his bed, his head buried in his hands. Alina cleared her throat and he shot up to meet her gaze, his eyes bloodshot and broken as he stared back at her. He dared not say anything as he slipped back on the bed, resting against the headboard as he held his arms out to her.

Alina sucked in a deep breath, steeling what was left of her heart as she crawled onto the bed beside him, breath coming in short pants as she laid her head against his chest. Alina ignored the scattered bottles of whiskey and kvas that littered the floor, the shattered glasses and the way his shoulders shook ever so slightly. Her skin prickled with goosebumps, she felt wrong in so many ways because she was the one dying and yet Alina could see pieces falling off of Mal and settling in her lap, like he was telling her to take them with her to the grave.

“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered, squeezing his hand as tightly as she could.

“Then don’t say anything,” Mal replied, voice rough and thick with tears, “Let’s just sit here and pretend like we’re not scared of what happens next,”

Alina nodded, he seemed to know what she was going to do, but the silence lasted a whole of six seconds before he was talking once again.

“Hold me,” he whispered and Alina froze.

“Mal-“

“Please, if this is my last night with you then all I ask is that this is the way I remember us,” his voice hitched in his throat and Alina couldn’t bring herself to look up at him, she tried too hard to steel herself against her feelings for him to breakdown now, “I’m not asking for forgiveness, but it matters how tonight ends. It matters how we end,”

Alina nodded, thankful for the way Mal moved swiftly, turning his head away from her as he laid down on his pillows. Alina wrapped her arms around his waist and she couldn’t help but find it amusing that she was the big spoon.

She buried her face in the hair at the nape of his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and suddenly Alina felt tears slide down her cheeks. She didn’t nothing to stop them, settling for tightening her hold on Mal, trying her hardest to keep him from falling apart as he curled up in her arms.

#Alina #Nikolai #Zoya #Genya #David #Mal #Shadow and bone #Ruin and rising #Seige and storm #leigh bardugo #alinaxmal #sad #writers of tumblr #fanfic #sadfic

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