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a-small-writer-in-a-big-world · 1 year

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It was Only a Kiss

Pairing: Simon Ghost Riley x f!reader

Warnings: lots of fluff, angst, college work struggles because I project, Ghost being a softie

Words: 6.2k

Synopsis: Simon wants to make your day better...

Link to The Roommate Series Masterlist

You are currently reading part 3 of The Roommate Series

You sat hunched over the desk in your room, staring into the screen of your laptop which was practically burning holes into your eyes as you struggled to retain any of the information you were supposed to know for your upcoming exam. You had thought that if you started early you wouldn’t have to worry about the possibility of failing but the longer you spent looking over the coursework the more you realize that you had no clue what you were going to do on this exam.

You tried to power through it, you spent half the day going through all of the notes you had and contacting other people in your class in order to get through all of the material you had in the hopes that it would help, and then you decided to look through the materials your shitty professor so graciously gave to you, but nothing was working.

A heavy sigh left your chest as you pressed the palms of your hands against your eyes, your eyes burning from having been open looking at a screen for so long, and fought against the tightening in your throat.

Every part of you wanted to throw your laptop across the room and drop out. You shouldn’t be this stressed out about a stupid class but you needed to pass the exam if you want to have a good chance at passing the class as a whole.

The thought of failing the class caused tears to prick the corner of your eyes. You knew that it really didn’t mean anything if you did, there was the option to take it again even if you had to scrounge up some more money to do so, and it didn’t mean that you were stupid.

However, the irrational part of your brain wouldn’t let you believe any of that. If you failed this class then you might as well call yourself a failure for not even understanding the most basic classwork material.

There was a knock at your door and you wiped your eyes, taking a deep breath before you turned around in your chair.

“Yeah?” You called out and watched as Simon stepped into your room.

Simon stared at you with those tired eyes, the same ones that had you feeling safe and warm, a much better feeling than the burning frustration that threatened to explode out of you. They softened and you wondered if his eyes were naturally that kind since you had rarely ever seen him look at you with a cold stare, even when he seemed to be on edge.

He was a welcome sight. Neither of you had really seen each other today, only taking the time to eat breakfast together before you decided that you would sit down to study and he decided to go workout or piddle around the apartment. Just seeing him was enough to calm some of your nerves, though a few old one from last night sparked inside your chest and it was almost hard to look at him.

Almost.

His eyebrows knitted together slightly as his eyes bounced around your face as he came up to you. He sat on the edge of your bed across from you, slight concern on his face as he glanced between you and your computer.

You scooted the edge of your chair and faced him fully, ready for him to distract you from studying even though you knew you needed to do it.

“How’s studying going?” He asked and you clenched your jaw as you sent a glare to your computer. “Forget I asked.”

“Maybe I should drop out and join the military or something.” You mumbled in defeat.

“No.”

Your eyebrows knitted together and you gave him a look as he stared at you. There was something hidden in his eyes that you were quite sure what to make of and as you raised an eyebrow to ask him why he was so quick to tell you no, he spoke up before you could even get the words out.

“You’re not fit for the military and you’d complain.” He said and you gasped, somewhat offended before you thought about it.

He was right. You were not built for the military and even thinking about it made you cringe. You had been joking for the most part, at least about joining the military, but it seemed that Simon hadn’t seen it that way. Regardless, you were still considering the fact that you could drop out and just go back to working like you had been before you decided that you wanted to go back to school.

A sigh left your chest and you looked away from him, your hands balling up into fists on your lap as you glared at the coursework on your laptop as heat flashed across your body.

Simon was a very goal oriented person and even though you knew nothing about what he did for a living, you could see that he was a hard worker, someone who always saw things through. You couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed about the fact that you were struggling so much you wanted to give up when he seemed like the type of person who wouldn’t let this happen in the first place.

Which was true considering how he’s helped you study in the past. You’re sure that if he went to school, he would’ve been an honor roll student with his crazy amount of discipline and focus.

Simon placed a hesitant hand on top of yours and caught your attention. He glanced at you, as if to ask if the contact was okay, and when you didn’t pull away from him, he wrapped it around your fist. His hands were rough and dry with callouses that scratched your hand as he managed to unfold your hand. His fingertips glided over your skin before he put small amounts of pressure between your knuckles to take out the tension that was there.

For once, he wasn’t looking at you and you wondered if maybe that was because of how new this was for him. You were honestly a little surprised by the fact that he reached out to hold your hand and went through with it without waiting for you to initiate.

It had to do with last night and you both knew it, yet neither of you had said or acknowledged it. Nothing was awkward between you two either, you just couldn’t come up with the words to say without getting into a territory that dealt with very intimate feelings. And it seemed like that was the case for Simon as well.

Yet you could tell that he wanted to say something, especially as he held your hand as if you would break from any sort of pressure. His thumb drew circles over your knuckles which was enough to let you relax somewhat.

“Talk to me.” His voice was soft and inviting, enough to have you wanting to pour your entire heart out to him.

“I’m just frustrated with this stupid exam.” You huffed. “Nothing is making sense but if I don’t pass it then I’m pretty sure I’m going to fail the class.”

“Can you retake it?”

You nodded and he gave you a look, one that was confident but calculating something that you really hadn’t seen from him before. It was almost as if he were planning out every outcome, trying to find the one that would be the best for you and somehow kept you calm all the same.

“The exam’s in three weeks, you still have time to study more later but there is always the chance that you will fail it.” He said and you hung onto every word. “If that’s the case, then ask the prof what you can do or retake the class.”

“But if I fail…” You trailed off not really sure if you wanted to admit that his opinion of you mattered that much.

“Doesn’t change anything.”

You looked him in the eyes, wary as if you were trying to see through a lie that wasn’t there. You suspected that he would judge you just a tiny bit for being unable to pass despite the fact that he had never once made you feel that way. It was hard to not feel some sort of shame for not living up the expectations you placed on yourself.

However, Simon gave you a serious look as he continued to hold your hand in such a way that proved you wrong about whatever you were feeling. He never left your gaze as he gave you a confident look, a look that told you that everything would be okay even if you decided to drop out, that he was still going to be in the apartment. Even now, as he talked you through it, he wasn't showing any sort of judgment, in fact he seemed more sure of your skills than you were of yourself.

You took a deep breath and wrapped your fingers around Simon’s hand, careful to not squeeze it too tight but enough that it helped you release the last of the tension left in your shoulders as you let out a long sigh.

You mulled over his words however, realizing that if you repeated them to yourself then you could probably go back to studying for another hour or so with a clear mind. You glanced at your laptop, attempting to let go of Simon’s hand when he gently tugged it to regain your attention.

“You’ve done enough for today, yeah?” He wondered with a hopeful voice, his eyes looking into yours almost pleadingly which stopped you. “Let’s get out of this room.”

“Yeah.” You didn’t even hesitate, the warmth from his hand and the look in his eyes enough to pull you out of your academic mind.

He gave a short nod and stood up from your bed, letting your hand slip from his and go back to his side. He waited for you to get up, keeping his eyes trained on you as you shut down your computer with a hand that felt colder and incomplete.

When you stood up from your chair, you grimaced from the stiffness in your back and shoulder before you stretched your arms above your head, rolling out any of the kinks you had before your stomach growled loudly.

It suddenly hit you that you had barely eaten today and that your poor mood was most likely attributed to that.

“What’d you have for dinner?” You wondered as you followed Simon out of your room.

“Nothing, I was waiting for you.” He said with his back towards you so he could see the surprise or the slight glare you gave him, being a complete hypocrite about your exasperation towards him for not eating.

“Why would you do that? It’s late!”

Simon didn’t answer as he went into the kitchen, ingredients for a meal already set out on the counter, one of your favorite meals which had your eyes softening. It was obvious what he was doing now and yet it didn’t make you feel any less appreciative and warm since you didn’t even expect him to treat you like this.

“Well, for making you wait, I can cook dinner.” You suggested but Simon sent you a look before he gestured to the table.

“No. I’m cooking, so sit.” He said, rather bossy but still in a gentle way, that made you purse your lips together.

“What if I help you?”

“You can help by sitting down. Let me cook for you.”

You crossed your arms, unwilling to back down after he had practically starved himself waiting for you to come out of your room. You felt like you owed it to him to at least cook him something for making him wait and you couldn’t help the slight irritation that bubbled up which was definitely a product of your empty stomach.

Unfortunately for both of you, Simon was just as stubborn, if not more considering he was persistent, as he stood in front of you. He blocked your path towards the ingredients, his eyes staring down at you almost as if he wanted you to try to get past him as he mimicked your crossed arms.

“Let me help you.” You demanded but he shook his head.

“Let me take care of you.” He shot back and you tried hard to not let it get to you as your chest went warm.

You felt yourself get a little weak in the knees, trying hard to push away the soft feelings that broke through your resolve like a wildfire in a dry forest. You couldn’t help it, not when he was trying to “intimidate” you with the paralyzing soft look, his eyes swallowing you up and holding you against him as if you’d even dare try to get away. There was no chance for you to fight back because as much as you wanted to make it up to him, you could see that he truly didn’t care about the fact that he had to wait to eat.

He wanted to do something nice for you, especially since you were stressed out of your mind. He also didn’t care to wait for you, he does it everyday you’re in class, unbeknownst to you. Hell, he even waited to be reunited with you when he was away any chance he got, this was nothing compared to that.

Truthfully, he could’ve eaten without you if he wanted to, it’s happened before, but he didn’t want to.

Simon wanted to be with you.

“Can I trust you to make it the way I like?” You teased with a small smile, and watched as the corner of his lips turned upward.

“I remember how to make it.”

You willingly took a seat at the table, resting your chin on your hand as you watched Simon start to make dinner for the both of you. You couldn’t get rid of the warm feeling inside of you as you watched him cook, the sight enough to make you think that this is where he belonged, just like yesterday when he was in the bathroom.

He belonged here, in the apartment, with you as you two argued over who cooked dinner, who did what chore, what to watch on TV. He belonged in the love you gave to him, not wherever he disappeared to for months on end, possibly getting himself killed because of how many scars were all over his body.

Soon he finished cooking and gave you a full plate for you to eat, sitting across from you as he waited for you to take the first bite, hidden eagerness in his eyes as he watched you intently.

You took a bite and your face lit up immensely.

“What's the verdict?” He wondered as he began to eat, watching you relax the more you chewed.

“Maybe I should start paying you to cook for me.” You teased which made him snort after he swallowed his food.

You chuckled along as well, finding amusement in your own joke as you continued to eat. You could feel yourself come back to normal, the irritation and stress slowly leaving your body as your stomach became full from being empty most of the day. Suddenly, you were in a better mood and you couldn’t help but share that with Simon.

“What’d you do today?” You asked, hoping that whatever he had done had been much more exciting than what you did.

“Cleaned, did laundry.” He listed off the mundane tasks while he continued to eat. “Bought cigarettes at the store.”

“I wish you wouldn’t smoke.”

“We all have our vices.”

You hummed, knowing it was a losing battle so you didn’t press any further. Instead you changed the topic to anything you could think of, feeling the need to catch up on the time you both lost due to your stupid study habits. The more you spoke, the more you noticed the tension in Simon’s shoulders lessen as he leaned against the chair, molding comfortably into it as he listened to you talk.

Before long you both finished dinner and before you could even suggest doing the dishes since he had cooked, he was already by the sink washing them.

“I could’ve done them.” You said in a low voice which caused him to send you a look.

“Go put something on the telly.” He nodded towards the living room and you gave him a slightly exasperated smile.

“Don’t complain when it’s something you don’t like.”

Simon grunted as you left the room and you plopped down on the couch with a huff.

The cushions were a lot more comfortable than normal as your sore back sunk into them. You were barely able to put something on the TV as you leaned your head back, your eyes feeling heavy lidded from a full stomach and because you were exhausted from a stress filled day of your own doing. You almost closed your eyes, just to rest for a moment, but you decided that you wanted to stay awake with Simon for just a little longer.

Your head shot up when he walked into the room and sat down next to you with a grunt. You watched as he settled into the cushions, your knees touching each other, before he grimaced at what show was on. It was a favorite of yours, one that you had already binged watched multiple times and one that you found Simon watching with you whenever you put it on, even when he pretended to hate it.

“Ah, no complaining! You did this to yourself.” You warned him and his eyes narrowed.

“You have horrible taste in shows.” He grumbled and yet his eyes never left the screen.

“Shut up, you love this show as much as I do.”

Simon rolled his eyes and huffed, amusement clear in his eyes. He attempted to look away from the TV, trying to act uninterested just to mess with you but he couldn’t keep his eyes away from the screen for very long. He leaned back against the cushions and kept his arms by his sides with mock defeat.

You giggled and shook your head at his antics. You watched as his lips upturned into a small smile before you rested your head on his shoulder, hoping that the contact was okay with him as he tensed up ever so slightly. However, he didn’t shrug you off which allowed you to put more of your weight against him as you barely paid attention to the show and focused all of your attention on Simon.

He was always warm you noticed, never once did his skin ever go cold, unless he decided that he didn’t want to bundle up, and it always pulled you closer to him, consciously or not. His body radiated heat, making him a source of safety and comfort for you even before the two of you had grown close.

You would say that despite the fact that he could act cold, distant, and quiet, Simon’s warmth was also attributed to his personality. He would most likely deny it since he was still crass and blunt, rough around the edges and yet he had never once insulted you in your entire time of living with him

He always found a way to help you, whether that was through something physical or by telling you jokes to brighten your mood. He somehow always managed to alleviate your stress, tonight was a prime example of that, and showed just how reliable he was.

It made him warmer in your opinion. It made you want to hold and kiss him, to sing your praises and to never stop telling him how much you loved him.

You felt yourself warm up slightly and you fought the urge to turn to kiss him. To finally feel his lips against yours and fulfill that want that had been pushed away last night because both of you were too drunk. It took everything in you to not do it but the increasing need was too much the more you stopped yourself.

You couldn’t kiss him. You didn’t want to risk potentially being rejected for a second time.

And yet, you want to feel more of him on you.

You grabbed Simon’s arm and lifted it out of your way. You didn’t say anything to him when he gave you a confused look before you wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your head on his chest. You felt him stiffen up significantly and you silently prayed to whoever was listening that he would push you off.

“This okay?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you looked up into Simon’s wide eyes.

He was stuck frozen, almost like he was unsure of what to do as his eyes bounced around your face so quickly it was hard to tell if he could actually see anything at all. You waited for him to respond but he didn’t say anything to you, stuck in that place where he couldn’t help but just stare at you silently as if he were a statue.

His arm hesitantly wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer into his chest as if you could get any closer to him, before he finally looked away. He grabbed one of the couch pillows and set it against the arm of the couch before he laid down on it, pulling you down with him.

Simon situated himself comfortably, leaving room between his legs so you could lay on top of his chest, without letting you go. He ignored your surprised look, opting to keep his eyes looking elsewhere as he placed a blanket over top of you, knowing full well that you both would most likely overheat from your shared warmth.

When both of you were comfortable, he glanced at you for just a moment before he went back to watching the show, the tips of his ears going pink.

“This is better.” He said and wrapped both of his arms around you firmly, pressing you against his chest as if you would move away.

However, the thought didn’t even cross your mind as your surprise slowly melted away into a smile that had you placing a hand on top of his chest and wrapping your arm around his waist. You felt him tense up from your touch but he didn’t move away, even as you rested your head on his chest, your ear right above his beating heart.

The steady beat took away any lasting stress and you laid your entire weight onto Simon, suddenly feeling a lot more tired than before. Your eyes fluttered shut, the sound of his heart and the feeling of his thumb drawing circles on your upper back enough to have you nearly falling asleep, Simon becoming the most comfortable place to lay on.

And yet, you still wanted to hold on to some consciousness, you still wanted to be with him.

“Things’ll work out, right?” You mumbled without opening your eyes.

“You’re smart.” Simon’s voice rumbled from his chest into your ear and caused you to smile. “You can get through this.”

You sat up in his lap to look at him, forcing yourself to stay awake, and caused him to finally look at you since he had laid down. You gave him a smile, one that had him letting a deep sigh that moved both of your bodies as he stared into your eyes with soft affection.

“Did you ever think about going to school?” You wondered, the curiosity having spilt over since he talked you out of studying.

“No.” He shook his head without even thinking about it. “I always knew I wasn’t going to uni.”

Your eyes shot to a scar on his face immediately. You knew there was the possibility that it was a scar from childhood, something he may have gotten when he fell off his bike or smacked his face into a wall, but considering the fact that you had seen him come back from work with new ones every so often, you couldn’t help but assume that he got them from his job. It made you wonder just how long he had been working this way, leaving for months on end, coming back battered and bruised with a mind that attacked him for weeks on end.

Did he hate leaving? Did he hate coming back? Had he even come back before you came around?

Before you could even think you placed your free hand over his cheek and began to trace the scars that your fingertips touched. You studied them more now that you were close enough to feel his breath on your face, noticing how some of them had been the product of skin being ripped open while others looked more clean cut, almost as if something, or someone, had cut him.

You tried not to let your stomach turn up into knots at the thought, especially as you noticed a scar that was extremely close to one of his eyes. He was fine, he still had his eye.

Simon leaned into your touch and his eyes fluttered shut. He didn’t say anything as you continued to caress his skin, taking in the warmth from your small hand as he settled further into the couch.

“Was what you chose the thing that gave you these?” You whispered and watched as he opened his eyes to look up at you.

He didn’t say anything but the silence was an answer in itself.

Your face fell and you placed your other hand on his face, taking this opportunity to feel all of the scars on his face, naively thinking that if you touched them with a gentleness that was far from the anger that caused them, then maybe they would disappear. Maybe the memories of pain would go away for Simon if you continue to trace them, if you showed them kindness.

But they were as much of a part of Simon as were his eyes and his warmth, something that you wouldn’t want to get rid of even if they had once hurt him.

“Do you hate them?” Simon asked since a frown was clear on your face.

“I hate the pain you probably felt.” You shook your head and traced the scar that was close to his eye. “You could’ve lost your eye-”

“I’m okay.”

You stared at him, unsure if you truly believed him since he had practically blurted it out before you even finished your sentence. It was clear to you that Simon wasn’t okay, that whatever he went through during his work affected him more than what he revealed, especially when he would lock himself in his room and he didn’t want you to worry.

You weren’t sure why and frankly you didn’t have the energy to ask him about it right now even if you wanted to. You didn’t want to push him into that mental state, to have him leave you alone on the couch when you were comfortable being with him in this intimate moment.

“You don’t have to be specific, I don’t want you to be,” You began and he swallowed hard. “But I’m always here for you.”

Simon’s eyes widened for a moment before he broke away from your gaze. Doubt or maybe skepticism flashed in his eyes, and he clenched jaw. Your eyebrows knitted together at his reaction and you gently moved his head so he was looking back up at you.

“I mean it.” You caressed his cheek with your thumb, unsure of how to convince him that you would always be there for you.

“I know.” He whispered and placed a hand over yours.

He looked as if he wanted to say more, to give you some kind of reassurance that he understood you were being the most truthful you’ve been, but he didn’t. He didn’t open his mouth, he didn’t stop the slight increase in his breathing, and he didn’t look away from you as if you were the very thing that was keeping him calm at the moment.

You nodded, a sad smile spreading across your face before you pulled your hands away from him and laid back down on his chest. You placed your head back onto its original spot and, listening to his quickened heartbeat slow down as he wrapped his arms around you again, more firmer than before. You nuzzled into his chest and he gently squeezed you.

“Gonna watch?” He pulled the blanket back up around you.

“You can change it if you want to.” Your eyes were already closed again as you finally allowed yourself to feel tired.

“‘M’fine with it.”

After that, you almost immediately fell asleep. You were stuck in that sleep where you could still feel Simon’s thumb caress your shoulder blades in comforting strokes and could hear the TV show that was now gibberish, but you were not conscious enough to speak or move. You were stuck in a warm limbo that was the most peaceful kind of sleep you could ask for.

You were sure how long you were asleep for before you heard a muffled buzzing noise that nearly brought you out of your nap.

Simon cursed in a whisper and moved, just barely jostling you around enough to have you pressing your cheek into his chest. He steadied you with his arm, continuing his ministrations as the buzzing stopped.

“Hello.” He said in a low, gruff voice. There was a period of silence that nearly had you falling back asleep until he spoke again. “Understood. I’ll be there.”

A sigh heavy sigh left Simon’s chest and he laid there with his arm over top of you. He stopped moving his thumb and tensed underneath you, enough to have you stirring ever so slightly. It wasn’t until he placed his hands on your shoulders.

“Hey.” He shook you gently and caused your eyes to snap open. “Need to get up.”

“‘M’sorry.” You mumbled, foggy with sleep, and climbed off his lap.

Simon didn’t say anything as he got up and disappeared down the hallway, the door to his room shutting with a click.

You sat on the couch, slowly trying to wake yourself up as you rubbed your eyes and clutched the blanket that was hanging off your shoulders. You were a lot colder now that you didn’t have your own personal space heater underneath you and in your sleepy brain you figured it was because he wanted to go to bed.

It was late, you could feel it, so you didn’t really blame him.

You turned the TV off, yawning a few times as you finally began to regain a clear mind. As much as you were happy that you got to cuddle with Simon for a while, you were ready to go to bed and hopefully not waste your entire day studying.

Just as you stood up from the couch, you heard Simon come out of his room and you were prepared to apologize for falling asleep on him when he entered the living room.

Your face fell and your heart sunk to your stomach when you saw his work bag slung over his shoulder. You stared at him with a mixture of disbelief and sadness that struck your chest with such an intensity that your throat tightened. You stood in the middle of the room, the impending feeling of loneliness slowly enveloping you as you made eye contact with him.

“You’re leaving…” You didn’t mean your voice to sound so sad but you couldn’t help it.

Simon’s eyes immediately jumped away from yours, his body tensing up as he came up to you and handed you a burner phone. Something he always left you in case there was an emergency or if there was time to call, but you never used them and never he called.

You stared down at it, fighting back the threat of tears as you let out a shaky sigh, and set it down on the coffee table.

“It hasn’t even been a week yet.” You said and watched him tie his shoes by the front door, walking up to him.

“These things happen.” His voice was even as he kept his back to you. “Rarely but they do.”

You clenched your jaw, trying to control your emotions so you didn’t potentially make him feel bad for leaving even though it felt like you were on the verge of tears.

This was the shortest he had ever been home from his work which made it worse for you. It felt like you had barely seen, you had barely spoken to him in the three days that he had been home and you couldn’t believe you had been dumb enough to waste your limited time with him on studying. You wanted to kick yourself for it even though you had no way of knowing that this would happen.

You wouldn’t know how long he’d be gone for either. You weren’t sure if this was going to be your last moments until you saw him months down the line where the both of you could be entirely different.

You bit your lip and took a deep breath, calming yourself as much as you could to make this easier.

The chance to cry about it would be later when he was gone and couldn’t see you.

Simon finished tying his shoes and stood up, finally facing you again with a somber face. He clenched his jaw and balled his hands up into fists when he saw the sad smile on your face as you attempted to show him you’d be okay, his eyes bouncing down to your quivering lips.

“Be safe, okay?” You nodded, unable to say anything else for fear that you would break down right in front of him.

He nodded and you took that as the signal to go to your room.

You turned around to walk away but he grabbed your arm firmly. Before you could react, he tugged you back into his space, held onto you as if you would disappear right in front of him, and pressed his lips against yours.

You didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, your fingers curling around his jacket to deepen the kiss as his hands roamed over your body before they settled on your hips to pull you into his chest.

Simon’s lips were rough as he kissed you like this was the last time he’d ever get the chance to do it. He sighed into your mouth, pouring every warm feeling he had left into you as he tried to make up for all the countless times he was too much of a coward to kiss you. It was like he was trying to swallow you up, to take your soul inside of him so neither of you would ever be alone, and left you both breathless in the process.

You took everything he gave you and kissed him back just as tenderly, an attempt to tell him that you felt the same, that you wanted him to stay.

When you broke apart, he rested his forehead against yours and took your face into his hands, taking one last moment to feel you before he stepped back.

You looked at him, still somewhat breathless but full of so much warmth that you nearly pulled him back into another kiss.

“I’m sorry.”

Though he didn’t sound it, his voice still level yet soft, you could see the sadness in his eyes that only worsened with every second he looked at you. He was breathing heavily, as if he were holding onto a thread, keeping himself together to make it easier for you too as his shoulder tensed so much that they nearly reached his ears.

He didn’t give you a chance to say anything as he opened the front door and left, leaving you in deafening silence.

You blinked a few times, unable to process what fully happened as you stared at the door with your heart beating out of your chest and your stomach in your feet. You listened to the silence that hung so heavily in the air it made your skin crawl.

The heavy weight returned and suffocated you, like a pair of hands that wrapped around your throat and suddenly everything felt dark. Everything felt wrong, out of place, you felt out of place in your own home as everything reminded you of your roommate and you couldn’t fight against the tears that rolled down your cheeks.

You let out a shaky breath, looking around the living room as if he were still there, as if he would wrap you in his arms and take away your pain with well thought out words. You searched for him but only found fragments of him in the blanket that you had forgotten about and his other pair of shoes.

You stared at the door as if it would bring him back, as if he would somehow know that you were standing there, begging him in your mind to come back and stay with you, and he’d walk through the door like nothing had happened. You wished he would, you wished that somehow he would change his mind.

But he was gone.

And you were alone.

Link to part 4

A/N: haha angst. Totally didn't choke myself up writing the last part lol

Taglist: @msecho19 @old-red-owl @fruitymoonbeams-blog @fruitymoonbeams-blog @palomaxaxaxa @madamemelancholysstuff @hstott @d4z01 @daniquehavinga @multifandom-girl-98 @berryjuicyy @tricksandmagix

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon riley x reader #cod ghost x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #mw2 ghost #ghost mw2 #cod ghost

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seeingivy · 8 months

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my love, mine all mine

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: HEAVVVYYYYY ANGST. does contain one part where a man is being icky/hitting on a girl in a gross way. viewer discretion advised. protect your peace.

an: ok yall. chapter is named after a mitski song we know it's not good. don't hang me at the stake now.

songs mentioned: my love, mine all mine by mitski

previous part linked here

“This is disgusting.” you mutter, as Armin leans over and takes a picture from what might literally be the worst angle ever.

Connie Springer, human menace, has been sleeping on your shoulder for a majority of the flight to Seattle. And drooling on your hair in the process. You make a mental note to kick his ass when he wakes up for being responsible for the globbed up hair you'll have when you see Eren again.

“He’s been sleeping for almost the entire flight. And he slept all day before the engagement too.” Armin murmurs, flicking the picture in between his fingers as he waits for it to develop.

“Typical.” you respond, readjusting so his head falls on your shoulder more comfortably.

You lean your head against his as he continues to snore against your shoulder, the desperation, the anticipation of what you’re going to do sitting heavy in your head. You’ve run through it a hundred times, the words stringing together in your head.

You’re staying with Eren for the weekend. His birthday falls at the end, but he’s too busy to see you guys, so you’ll take him out the day after.

After making ten very aggressive phone calls to the Seattle Aquarium and throwing a nice amount of money their way, they agreed to close off the aquarium for the weekend, so that you and Eren could have it all to yourself.

So that you could drag him there after he was finished on set and lie down flat on the cold floors to just watch the fish swim above you. So no one else is there when you tell Eren that you still love him, so you’re both surrounded in your own little fishbowl. So that he understands you never did stop loving him. That you won’t ever.

You pause. The guilt sits deep in your stomach, eats at the smallest parts of your conscience and corrupts it. The desperation, the anticipation - it sits heavy in your mind. But the doubt, the guilt, and the anxiety does too.

You either get to have Eren forever or you lose him for good. Because Eren is dating another girl and it comes down to something really simple.

If he likes her more or you.

“You okay?”

You look over at Armin and his perceptive blue eyes are peering into yours, his forehead scrunched up near his hairline.

“I-I have a dilemma, Armin.”

“Do tell.” he responds, propping his elbow against the armrest and leaning his cheek on his hand.

“I….I want to do something. But it could hurt someone.”

He frowns, squinting his eyes at you in confusion.

“I feel a certain type of way. And I want to tell someone. But being honest means I could hurt someone else. Sh-should I still do it?” you ask, cracking your knuckles between your fingers.

“Will it hurt you if you won’t say it?” Armin asks.

Yes.

It’ll hurt you if Eren goes on thinking that you don’t love him the way you do. That walking away from him wasn’t the biggest mistake of your life. That him pulling away kills you, because all you want to do is keep him close.

You can’t keep it all in, regardless of what the outcome will be. And for all it’s worth, you have the feeling that when you’ll see him, it’ll get the better of you, that it’ll be a matter of when you tell him, not if.

“Yes. I-I don’t think I can keep it in Armin. I’ve been sitting on it for a while.”

He brings his hand down on yours and squeezes. And then his blue eyes are shimmering, in the pale fluorescents of the plane lights, and you can’t help but smile back. It’s surging through you - the want, the need, the love you hold for him.

And there’s only three more hours till you’re there.

“I can’t believe you’re finally telling Eren you still love him.” he asks, so nonchalantly as he slides the picture of you and Connie, fully developed, into his wallet as he turns back to you.

“Am-am I that obvious?”

“I mean. You feel a type of certain way? We’re going to see Eren? It wasn’t that hard to piece together.”

“No. You’re just perceptive.”

Armin brings his hand down on yours again, squeezing hard, as he smiles at you - so bright and cheery that it makes you excited.

“God, ‘Min. Why are you so excited? You’re kind of supporting me being a homewrecker right now.”

“I-I don’t know. Hyla, I’m sure she’s great and all, but I just don’t think she fares up well to what Eren needs. Not like you do.”

You can feel your cheeks burning at his admission, the compliment and the implication solidifying in your mind. That Armin, Eren’s best friend, thinks it should be you. That you’re good for him. He’s quiet for a few minutes, sliding through the pictures of Jean and Mikasa - the one’s she posted of Jean and her hugging on the ground, minutes after he proposed. Equipped with a caption, that brings you to tears.

the one place i’ll always find myself returning. jeanboy, it’s you and me always.

“What do you think love is, Y/N?”

“That’s such a loaded question to ask me on a dingy ass flight to Seattle, Armin.” you deadpan.

“No, no. Just think. What is it?”

You rack your brain, long and hard. And they all come to mind - your parents, Falco and Colt, Eren, Jean and Mikasa, Levi and Hange.

Levi and Hange. The love letters Levi wrote to Hange, that he gave you when you wrote invisible string for the vow renewal. Maybe the first time you figured out what love might mean. That it was sharing every little part of yourself and every feeling you’ve had - ecstatic, overwhelmed, happy, sad, bored, and soft.

“Knowing each other. Love is knowing each other, Armin. And-he’s pulling away. I-I don’t want him to leave because there’s still so much more of him I-I don’t know yet. I could have a lifetime and it still wouldn’t be enough.” you murmur.

He smiles, leaning his head against yours, as he talks again, his soft voice murmuring into your hair.

“Eren’s known one thing since he met you. And it’s that he wants you around, wants to know more of you, that you’re the best person he’s met. He picked you to be his co-star, called you almost everyday he wasn’t with you, ran into my room and talked to me what it was like to kiss you after you guys wrote New Year’s day, you’re just it for-”

“Wait, what? He did what?”

“Huh? What part?”

“The New Year’s Day thing. You-you knew that we kissed?”

“Yeah. He told me and Marco, like fully woke us up. Said that you guys were practicing the kiss after you wrote the song and that we both needed to kiss someone immediately so we could understand how he felt.”

You snort.

“I don’t remember it being that way. I like totally froze up when he kissed me the first time. We-we had to do it a few times to get it right.”

“Well, it’s always been you for Eren. I bet you could aim wrong and he’d still come and talk about how kissing you is divine.”

“Divine?”

He freezes up, eyes wide, as he realizes his choice of words.

“Armin. Did Eren say kissing me was divine?”

“No. No- we don’t talk about that stuff. It’s- long story, you-you don’t want to know.”

“No. No, now you have to tell me. We’ve known each other forever, it’s-it’s not weird. Quit being all shy.”

“Y/N.”

“Armin! Please. We-I want to know. Please, I won’t tell him and I won’t think much of it.”

“Okay, well. When I started dating Annie, you and Eren had already been together for like a year. And I wanted…to know how to…”

“To?”

“Have sex.” he murmurs.

You bite down on your lip to avoid laughing and he turns his face, cheeks glowing pink, as he whispers profanities at you.

“You’re so rude. I’m not talking about this.”

“No, no! Armin, you’re just so cute.”

“Quit calling me cute.”

“Sorry! It’s just. You and Eren are so sweet, you’re like brothers. Giggling like little high schoolers about sex.”

“We were highschoolers. And you’re acting like you and Mikasa are any different.”

“Yeah! But you guys know we do that, I just never thought you and Eren talked about this stuff. So what did he say?”

“No. This is breaking bro code. I’m not telling you.”

“Armin! Please! You brought it up now it’s going to bother me forever. And-and you and me. We’re cool like that. We can talk about sex because we’re two grown adults.”

“Y/N.” he responds, in a warning tone.

“Pretty please! I’ve always wondered what Eren thinks about me because he-he’s so reserved and-and it’ll help me. When I tell him, to-to know how he felt about me. Help me not back out.”

“You’re annoying. You-you can’t just use that against me to get me to tell you.”

“Fine. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He groans, leaning his head against the chair, and clenches his jaw. And then Armin’s turning his head, voice all quiet as he whispers.

“You tell another soul and I will kill you.”

“Okay, okay. I promise ‘Min.”

“I-I asked him about it. Because Annie and I were going to….I wanted to make it special. And-and I’m not the type to really, really take initiative when Annie does it first but I-I wanted to.”

“Uh huh.”

“And then I asked him, like. What it’s supposed to feel like. Having sex for the first time. Because, I mean. Isn’t it awkward? And I had heard it hurts for the girl so-”

“I’m trying not to like bite down on my own hand right now. You’re like a little angel.” you coo.

“Shut up. Anyways, Eren said that the first time he-he felt bad. Because it did hurt you and that he just held you after till you felt better. But the second time, he said it was like nothing he ever felt before. That he understood why people do a bunch of stupid shit when they’re in love because it feels divine.”

You swallow hard.

“Armin. He-”

“You’re it for him. I hope I got that through your head. Now just go tell him. And quit making me tell you secrets, you’re breaking every sacred code I have as a man right now.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to mess with your divine brotherhood.”

He flicks the top of your head as you link your arm with his and squeeze hard. And flutter your eyes shut, with him on your mind.

“Connie.”

You reach forward and shake his shoulder, as aggressively as you can, in the back of the car.

“Connie.”

He’s slumped over against the window, fast asleep, despite the fact that he slept nearly the entire way here.

“CONNIE.”

“Huh?”

His eyes flutter open, deeply filled with sleep as he registers where he is, holding his hand out to grab you.

“Con. We’re here. And why the fuck are you so tired?”

“Shhh.” he responds, pressing his finger to your lips as he tumbles out of the car, leaning the majority of his body weight on you as you both walk towards the house.

Not Eren’s house, the one you stayed at when Ricky locked you out, but the townhouse on set since Connie needed to be back as soon as possible. You switch positions with Armin, him taking the responsibility of lugging Connie, as you both walk up to the door.

You nervously reach up to brush the tangles out of your hair and rub the tiredness out of your eyes as you knock on the door, putting on your best smile.

Eren.

Or not. The door swings open and a short girl answers, a bored look on her face and a martini glass secured in her hand. Despite the cold weather, she’s dressed up in a mini skirt and her hair is all clipped up in rollers - clearly from a makeup team by the way they’re placed.

“Can I help you?”

“Um. I’m Y/N.”

“Okay?”

“I mean. We’re here to bring Connie back. He-he’s supposed to start filming again today. And we’re visiting for Eren’s birthday.”

“Oh. Okay fine.”

She swings the door open as you and Armin hold Connie upright, loose greetings falling out of his mouth as he waves at the twenty people that are in the room, their names falling out of his mouth. They’re all lounging around on the sofas and in the kitchen, heads pushed together in their own conversations or on their phones.

“Connie. We-where are you supposed to go?”

“Uh. Right. We-we can just go to my room.”

He drags you and Armin up the stairs, even more people crowding the area, as you shuffle past and make your way up. Connie shoves you both into his room, the two of you falling on his sofa, as you watch him shut himself in the bathroom immediately.

“Should we try to find Eren maybe? I think Connie’s like sick or something.” you whisper.

“Yeah. But it might take a while, there’s like sixty people in here.”

“I don’t understand how anyone lives here. Lana and Eren staying in a house off set makes way more sense now.” you respond, as Armin pulls you up and you drag yourself through the halls.

You both amble down, observing the mess all around, as you read the names on the doors. You’re both holding hands, hard, so you don’t lose each other in the bustle of people and the sweat hanging in the air. And nearly six paces down, you find the door with Eren’s name scribbled across the door. Armin lightly knocks as you both peek your heads in, to find Hyla - fast asleep in his bed.

You swallow hard, pushing hard on Armin’s hand, as you both quietly shut the door behind you and walk back down the hallway.

She’s sleeping in his bed.

“Let’s just see if anyone knows where he is, yeah?”

You nod and both push down the hallway again to the crowded room you entered in, nervously watching the swarm of people in front of you and nitpicking on which one to ask. Despite the chill in the Seattle air outside, the inside here is sweltering - the mix of people certainly being a fire hazard and responsible for the itching warmth in the room.

One of the girls, lazily leaning over the counter, beckons for the two of you to join her, which you awkwardly accept.

“Who are you guys?”

“I’m Armin. And this is Y/N. We’re friends of Eren’s, we were looking for him. Is he around?”

“Ah. Eren and Lana are probably busy with the Bear.” she says, turning her shoulder and snickering with the people around them.

The bear?

“Well. We’re going to his birthday dinner tonight. You guys can see him then, the bus leaves at like six.” she mutters, shuffling off to the other side of the house and walking away.

“Okay. Thanks.” you respond, awkwardly rubbing your hands against your arms and turning to Armin.

Right on cue, loud music starts blaring overhead and you and Armin instinctively reach to cover your ears, Armin signaling that the two of you should just go outside. You both leave the sticky, hot room and walk out, kicking the rocks as the music blares on inside.

“God. Levi would have an aneurysm if we ever did something like that to the townhouse.” you mutter.

“I think I had an aneurysm standing in there.”

“What should we do?”

“It’s only four thirty. Let’s just…walk and get coffee. It’ll be six by the time that we’re back and we can meet him at dinner.”

“Okay. Sure.”

Two hours later and you’re seated at the most awkward table, in the history of awkward tables. Maybe even more awkward than the thought of the Thirteenth Disciple of Jesus, Ryomen Sukuna, being at the Last Supper.

You and Armin are across from the two empty seats - because Lana and Eren are late. Armin’s stuck next to a weirdly rowdy crowd of people, with Connie at the center, who suddenly has a random burst of energy and has been screaming for a better part of the last hour. And on your left, you’re stuck next to Hyla and Myka, who are way too inquisitive for your liking.

“So like. Can I ask you a question?” Myka asks, leaning into your space.

You shake the glass of water in your hands, perspiration leaking down your elbow, as you give her a nod. You nervously twiddle with the straw in your mouth, biting it into oblivion as she starts talking.

“So. I listened to dorothea. And then I listened to lacy. And I was just wondering what happened between you and Historia? Because your song was really sweet but she makes you look like a bitch.”

You swallow hard.

“Ah. I don’t know, we used to be really close when we were younger and filming Attack on Titan together and stuff. I think we just grew apart. And-you know. Songs are more about their meanings, I-I don’t think lacy is about me and dorothea isn’t necessarily about her.”

“Okay but like. What actually happened? Don’t like beat around the bush.” Hyla states, her tone biting as she swirls her own straw through her glass.

It’s the first time you’ve ever heard her talk, with your own ears. Seen her with your own eyes and interacted with her in the flesh.

She’s scary. Freakishly high cheekbones, slicked back hair, and siren like eyes that pull back to her hairline. A pointed nose, a sharp jaw - and unlike Lana, there are no soft features, no soft expressions to offset the harshness on her face.

“She obviously doesn’t like you. And honestly, it’s fucked that she projects onto you so hard. If she wants to be successful, she should just work harder.” Myka states.

“Historia’s busy, Myka. Got other things on her mind.” she states, making a snipping motion with her fingers.

“Sorry, what?” you ask.

“Oh, you know. Scissoring. Because she’s gay.” Hyla states, the ice in her glass clinking against the straw.

You freeze. And swallow hard to think hard on what to say next.

A topic that you don’t personally broach, and never have, but one people can’t seem to stop talking about.

Maybe you’ve had your suspicions. And you push them down and let Historia be. The longing glances at Ymir when she was putting on her harnesses, the way they were attached at the hip - entirely different than the way you and Mikasa were and more like how you and Eren were.

People suspected. It was a hot topic of conversation, especially after Lacy dropped and the people thought the lyrics were…homoerotic. People were stuck trying to figure out if Historia wanted to be you or date you.

You don’t comment on that. She’s entitled to whatever she is and trying to figure it out for her does her no service.

“So what are you going to order?” Myka asks, leaning over to look at the menu.

“Probably the spicy brisket ramen?”

“Ugh. Ramen has so much sodium. That’s how you get fat arms.” she mutters, flipping her eyes through her own menu.

You swallow hard as you shove your face into your own menu this time, probably drawing blood on Armin’s ankle by the way you’re jamming your leg on his foot. He lifts his own menu as well, the two of you whispering behind them.

“This is what my worst nightmares look like.” you whisper.

“If he doesn’t show up in five minutes, we’re leaving.” Armin responds, giving you a nod.

You both drop your menus to find Hyla staring at you two weird, which you two return with less than peachy smiles and lift your glasses to drink together. And right on cue, Eren and Lana are speed walking to the table from the entrance of the restaurant, absorbed in their own conversation.

Lana takes the seat across from Armin and Eren takes the one across from yours - Lana’s eyes bulging out of her head when she sees the two of you while Eren’s too absorbed in the conversation he’s having with Hyla.

“Ok, I’m here. Quit whining.” he says, leaning his hand against the back of Hyla’s chair.

“Only you would be late to your birthday dinner, Eren.” she responds, giving him a smile as she leans forward to kiss his cheek.

“My birthday is tomorrow, so technically, I’m early.” he responds.

Lana elbows Eren in the side, which he rolls his eyes at before turning his head back to Hyla, who's pointing at the menu.

“Eren.” Lana repeats.

“Huh? What?”

He lifts Lana’s drink on instinct and takes a sip, putting it down as he glares at her.

“It’s non-alcoholic. Calm down, Lana.”

“No. Eren.” she responds, grating her teeth as she gestures her eyes over to you.

And then Eren looks over, his eyes bulging out of his head this time when he sees you. Except his shock goes farther than Lana’s because when he moves his hand off Hyla’s shoulder, he accidentally knocks his glass across the table, the cold liquid drenching the front of your shirt and your skirt.

“Jesus, Eren. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Myka asks, snickering as she looks down at you.

Armin’s quick to respond, yanking his jacket off and placing it on your lap, drying the wetness on your legs as Eren stares at the two of you and then immediately turns to look at Lana.

“Y/N. Armin. What are you guys doing here?” he asks, jaw clenched against his skull.

“They’re surprising you for your birthday. Such sweet childhood friends you have.” Hyla says, giving the two of you a sickly sweet smile.

“Um. I-I’m going to go to the bathroom, my clothes are really wet.” you mutter, beckoning Armin to stay as you quickly speed walk to the bathroom with his jacket wrapped around you.

The second you make it into the bathroom, you shut the closest stall shut and lock the door, hanging Armin’s mostly dry jacket on the ring as you survey the damage. Eren’s drink - bright blue in color - has left a big mark on the front of your white shirt, but is virtually invisible on the black pleats of your skirt.

You instinctively grab for the tissues and wipe down the front of your shirt, which only makes the stain worse. And you don’t know why - why this entire thing is so humiliating, but you can feel tears burning in your eyes and your throat itching with insurmountable heat - as the stain doesn’t lessen, the blue splotch staying.

The door swings open and you hear an immediate knock on your door, shiny black shoes visible from underneath the stall.

“Hey Tinky-Winky. You okay?” Lana whispers, her voice soft as she leans her head against the door.

“Y-yeah. Just, um. Trying to get the stain out, that’s all. I’ll just wear Armin’s jacket.”

“Okay. I-I’m waiting for you out here when you’re done, okay?”

You lift your head to the ceiling, hoping that it’ll push the flaming tears back into your eye sockets as you try to quiet your sniffles and shove Armin’s black denim jacket over your clothes. You open the door to find Lana, sweet Lana, leaning against the door with a smile on her face.

She looks different. Her cheeks are fuller and rosy pink, her short hair growing out to her shoulders. And you don’t miss the soft bags around her eyes, the tiredness sitting in her frame. She opens up her arms, which you quickly sink into, her hands in your hair.

“I missed you.”

“Yeah. I missed you too, La-La.”

She pulls back, her arms resting against your elbows as she talks.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Surprising Eren for his birthday. We-we missed him.”

She brings her hand to your cheek, cupping your face.

“He misses you too. Lots.” she says, giving you a smile.

You give her a smile back as you wrap your arms around her neck, breathing in her sweet flowery smell, as the door swings open again, only for Eren to be leaning against the door frame. You pull back and look at him - brown hair, green eyes, and no smile - staring back at you.

“Y/N. You-you’re okay?” he asks, shutting the door behind him.

“Yeah. Hi Eren. H-happy birthday.”

He breaks a smile - the first one you’ve seen today - and opens up his arms, wrapping them around your frame as he leans down, lips close to your ear. His right hand is firm on your back and the second one is cradling the back of your head, firm around your locks of hair.

“It’s tomorrow.”

“I know that, Eren.”

“Okay, sweetheart. No need to show off.”

At the sound of your nickname, you’re only wrapping your arms around his neck harder, standing on the tips of your toes, in any attempt to be closer to him. His smooth, laundry smell, his skin soft to the touch, and his hair perfectly tousled against your hands.

“Y/N?”

“Hm, Eren?”

“As much as I like holding you, I am technically trespassing in a women’s restroom right now. I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

You pull back, nervously reaching up to tuck your hair behind your ears as you nod, giving the two of them a look.

“Okay so. I’ll go first. Lana, come out like five minutes after. Eren, give it like seven. Not ten, because the timing would be suspiciously perfect.”

Eren squints his hand at you, his forearms clutched across his chest, as he glares.

“Or we could all go back together.”

“No. No, no. That’s weird. Just wait. I-I’ll see you two out there okay.” you respond, giving the two of them a smile and a thumbs up as you push out of the door.

You nervously duck back to the table, buttoning Armin’s jacket up as you slide in next to him, squeezing his hand under the table when he gives you a questioning look. You shake your head as he gives you a nod, the two of you clear and focusing back on the dinner at hand.

“Y/N. Are you hooking up with Sukuna? He’s hot.” Myka asks, leaning into your space.

You spit your water back into your glass as you start choking on the parts that went down, Armin’s hand comforting on your back.

“Um. No, never in a million years. We’re just friends.” you respond, giving them a smile.

“The Promiscuous video was really hot. You’ve never looked better.”

You turn your head to find the guy seated between Connie and Armin leaning over, holding his hand out to you as he talks. He has short black hair and cold, steely eyes.

“Vinh.”

You place your hand in his, thrown off by the clamminess, as he smiles continuing.

“I mean. Some part of it has to be real right? That whole bit where Sukuna’s like on the floor crawling after you walk away, when he pretends to pass out when you blow him a kiss, and when you throw the water on him just to take his shirt off after...you can only fake chemistry like that to some extent.”

“Ah. I’m an actress. That’s my entire job. And the song is called Promiscuous. We-we obviously leaned into a little bit. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“That’s music to my ears then.” he says, smiling.

You know that smile. It reminds you of Ricky.

“Vinh, stop it. And Connie, you’ve had enough to fucking drink.” Eren says, glaring bullets at the two of them.

“Eren. Shut the fuck up.” Connie responds, clearly irritated with Eren. The two of them hold their eye contact, for too long, as you look at Armin.

“Connie. I will beat it out of you again if I have to.” Eren responds, which makes Connie drop his gaze. The group laughs as Eren scoffs, his knuckles white against his glass.

You’re thrown off by the sudden hostility, Eren’s demeanor entirely different from what he was in the bathroom. Granted, he was still a bit off-putting in there, but the fact that he’s…purposely picking a fight with Connie is entirely unlike him at all.

Connie gets so irritated that he storms off, leaving the table all together, as everyone murmurs what a buzzkill he is.

Connie’s always been the life of the party. Even insinuating he’s a buzzkill is downright ironic.

“So. How is filming for the movie going? Which one is this again?”

“Don’t Worry Darling.” Hyla responds, swirling her fork around her plate.

“I’m really excited to see it, you guys. I’m sure it’ll be great.”

Hyla twists her straw in between her fingers as she looks in between Lana and then you.

“Lana Banana.”

Lana curls up her nose at the term, tilting her head over to look at her.

“You’ve just been so busy lately. You’re not really looking fit for your part anymore. I think Y/N should take it. Don’t you think, Eren?”

Eren swallows hard as he looks at you, eyes flitting between you and Lana, as he stays silent. And the beat goes on for too long and no one talks, so you bite the bullet and do it for them.

“I uh. Don’t have time for that actually. Danny and Sareen lined up a four day only show in New York City for me the week of the Institute Awards. I’m supposed to close for that award show, so I-I’ll have a lot of rehearsals leading up to it.” you respond, dissolving the loaded question so Eren didn’t have to.

“Well our next movie. You should definitely join, everyone here loves you. Vinh especially.” she says, smiling.

“Oh! I-I’ll see about that.”

“Don’t you think Y/N and Vinh would be cute together, Eren? She’s clearly into that whole bad boy thing since she liked Sukuna.”

“Oh, I don’t-”

And then Eren’s leaning into her space, lips a few feet away from hers, as he smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear. And then he presses a kiss to the top of her forehead, her cheeks turning bright pink.

“Do you want to get out of here? Just you and me?”

She gives him a giddy smile as she nods, putting her hand in his, as he drags her out, arm secured around her waist. He gives Lana a look over his shoulder as he leaves, which Lana ignores as she gives you and Armin bright smiles.

You settle into the bed, Lana at your side, as you reach for your phone.

you: everything good?

armin: yeah. connie isn’t even here he like never came back. also his room smells like pop rocks LOL

you: so THIS is why he’s sleeping all the time.

armin: everything good with you?

you: yes. i’m sleeping with lana.

armin: okay. sweet dreams. don’t think about stuff too hard.

you: speaking of stuff, i don’t think i’m going to do it anymore, armin.

you: i thought that eren and hyla would be more like…me and ricky. but he actually likes her i think.

armin: yeah. i think so too, i’m sorry y/n.

you: our time just passed i guess. better to keep him around as my friend than not at all, right?

armin: it’ll pass, y/n. it-it goes away. talk to ymir. about hisu. she can help you better.

You turn on your sheets to find Lana next to you, already sprawled over the majority of the bed, and dead asleep. Her expression looks so tired, her deep breaths indicating that she’s already fully out, despite it only being five minutes since you’ve been here.

And she looks soft. Her jaw isn’t as sharp anymore, a little bit of fullness in her cheeks, but the same pointy nose.

It’s pretty. She’s pretty.

You bury your head into your own pillow as you flutter your eyes shut, trying to will away the image at dinner. Except you can feel it in your space, the thought of them together, like you’re being poked.

“Y/N.”

Poke.

“Y/N. Wake up, sleepyhead.”

You flutter your eyes open to find Eren, big green eyes staring at you, with his jacket pulled over his head as the source of the aforementioned poking. On instinct, you reach forward and make contact with his nose, which has him falling against the wall and groaning. The sound is so loud that you both look over at Lana, who is unbothered by the sound and still dead asleep.

You jump up and cup Eren’s hands in your face, fingers soft and feeling for his nose in the dark.

“Eren. What-what the fuck was that?”

“You’re asking me that? You’re the one who just punched me in the nose!” he whispers.

“Are you stupid? I’ve had like three different run-ins with people stalking my house. I-I learned self defense.” you whisper back.

His face softens and he brings his hands up to where yours are - still resting on his face - as he removes them and drags you towards the door. There’s a jacket on the desk, which he’s holding open for you and gesturing for you to put on.

“What are we doing?”

“I-Armin told me you want to take me to the aquarium the day after my birthday. But. I-I can’t. I’m busy but I still want to spend time with you so, let’s go.”

“Where? It-It’s like almost eleven. Aren’t you filming tomorrow?”

“Please? It-it’s my birthday? One hour to my birthday?”

You roll your eyes and nod which has Eren pulling the hood over your hair and carefully zipping the jacket up as he gives you a smile. The two of you tiptoeing through the townhouse as you sneak out. His hand is locked in yours, pulling you hard, as he pockets the keys to one of the cars and drives you out.

He’s driving along the roads, nearly empty, as the moon shines light on the puddles in the road. The car comes to an abrupt stop at a small house and when you get out, the breeze and the smell of salty air envelopes your nose as you march up together.

“You have a beach house?”

“Not mine. It’s a friend’s.”

You nod as the rocks crunch underneath your feet and Eren pockets his keys, shoving the brass into the door and dragging you in. The lights are open and there’s a decent amount of giggling getting louder as he pushes you through the house, a confused look on his face.

“Why are you guys still awake?”

You turn your head to find two people - a guy who can’t be much older than you holding a little boy - frosting cookies over a granite countertop.

“Eren!” the kid says, shaking his arms and leg in his hold until he’s dropped.

The boy runs over to Eren, wrapping his arms around his legs as he excitedly laughs, the sound so loud it pierces your ears. In a good way.

“Teddy. Why aren’t you sleeping, little man?” Eren asks, crouching down to pinch at his cheeks.

The other man, from before, takes your side as he responds to him, giving Eren a knowing look.

“Nightmare, Eren. I’m Landon, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Y/N.”

“Ah. The infamous Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you.” he responds, smiling as he holds his hand out for you.

“Are you here to play with me, Eren?” Teddy asks, jumping up and down against Eren’s legs.

“Not exactly. But I do have a friend I want you to meet.”

Eren looks up, a smile on his face, as he gestures for you to crouch down next to him, Teddy standing in front of the two of you.

“Teddy. This is my pretty friend, Y/N. Can you say hi?” he says, emphasizing each word slowly.

Teddy gets embarrassed when you smile at him and immediately buries his face into Eren’s shirt, the back of his neck entirely red as he nervously shakes his head against Eren.

“Teddy. Just say hi, she’s really nice.” his voice soft, coaxing Teddy to say hi again.

You smile as he turns his head, brown eyes peering into yours, as he awkwardly shuffles in Eren’s arms, his hands knotted together behind his back.

“Hi! I’m Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you.” you say, flickering your eyes quickly up to Eren who's beaming at you as he waits for Teddy’s response.

“I’m Theodore.” he responds.

“Theodore? Since when do you go by Theodore, little man? Trying to impress someone?” Eren asks, reaching forward to pinch his pink cheeks and lift him in the air, which has him giggling like no other.

You laugh as the two of them keep laughing together, leaning against the countertop where Landon’s leaning, the half frosted cookies in his hands.

“So how do you know Eren?” you ask.

“We have a mutual friend. And he keeps coming around, to play with the kid. Uninvited, mind you.”

“We’re sorry to intrude. Though, he dragged me here and I had no idea. So it’s his fault.”

“Sounds like him.” he says, dusting off his hands as he walks over to Eren, scooping Teddy out of his arms.

“Okay, Teddy. Say bye to Eren and Y/N now. It’s bedtime.”

You walk up to Eren, who’s hunching down so your faces are close to each other as you both wave bye, the silence filling up the room as you step back and away from Eren. He gives you a soft smile as he places his hands flat on your back and pushes you through the open door, the sand and ocean glimmering under the light of the full moon.

Eren swipes a guitar case and a blanket off the patio as you both discard your shoes and pad into the sand, a few feet away from where the waves are crashing. Eren hands you the case as he places the blanket flat onto the sand and lies down on it, tapping the spot next to him and beckoning you to join him.

You cross your legs and sit instead of lying down, his head a few feet away from your knees. His green eyes focused on the moon, shining above, bathing you in the pale light. You open up the case, a beautiful acoustic guitar lying in the case and start strumming aimlessly against the strings, not missing the way Eren smiles at the tune and closes his eyes.

“Can you sing me something?” he asks.

“What do you want to hear, almost birthday boy?”

“Invisible string.” he responds.

You smile as you switch the chords, fingers strumming against the strings as you quietly sing, watching Eren’s closed eyes and his soft smile. His dimples on display, the freckles underneath his eyes, his soft, soft hair.

It’s only then that it stings. That you hold all this love, all this big, real love for Eren. That at one point, you felt it together at the same time but that he’s moved long past that.

As you finish, Eren’s shooting up, swinging the strap of the guitar off of your neck and slipping it around his own. He’s tapping the ground in front of him, beckoning for you to lie down in front of him now, his fingers soft on the guitar.

“What song is it?” you ask, head turned to the side away from him and focused on the crashing of the waves, how they roll perfectly, rise and fall to crash against the sand.

“New one.”

“Hm. What’s it about?”

“Marco. He-he gave me this Maya Angelou poetry book on my birthday a few years ago, the birthday where you gifted me the vinyl. There was a quote in it that just made me think.”

“What was the quote?”

“Just like the moons and the suns, with the certainty of the tides, just like hope springing high, still I’ll rise.”

The wave rises. And it crashes. Again and again.

“Sing, Eren. I want to hear it.”

Moon, tell me if I could Send up my heart to you? So, when I die, which I must do Could it shine down here with you? 'Cause my love is mine, all mine I love, my, my, mine Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine, all mine

You shuffle away from the tides to look at him, his eyes focused on the strings and his fingers plucking so softly. Eyes focused on his lips. The lips, that could end you here and now.

“The moon is blushing up there, Eren. You’re writing love songs about it.”

“The moon is my muse. I can only write songs about her.” he whispers, his hands making their way to your hair, to tuck your flyaways behind your ear.

You feel your cheeks burning, the image of Eren - seventeen and whispering in your ear about how you’re his moon, how you have a pull on him - on the forefront of your brain.

“Y/N. You-you don’t remember what it means?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“This.” he responds, his fingers switching to the other side and tucking your stray hairs behind your ears.

You feel your ears burning, when you remember. The secret signals that you and Eren came up with. And the tucking the hair behind the ears, it’s- it means he wants to kiss you. You shoot up and Eren swings the guitar off, knees hiked to his chest as his green eyes look at you, expectantly.

“You-you can’t, Eren.” you whisper, the thought of dinner still in your mind.

“Why not? Do you not want to?” he asks, whispering back.

“That’s not fair to her. You can’t.”

“You-you heard me right? Nothing in the world belongs to me, except my love. And-and you're the only thing that's really mine. You-you still do, right? Belong to me?” he asks, his voice wavering.

“Eren.”

“Please. Please, I don’t want to beg. Don't make me. Do you still belong to me?”

He brings his hand up to your face, warm against your cheek, which is ice cold from the biting wind, and you lean into it. The warmth, in his hand, his eyes, his honey sweet voice.

“Yes. Yes, I do.” you whisper.

“Y/N. You- don’t get confused. You know what this means right? Us?”

You give him your best smile and nod, your fingers tingling. It means he still loves you too.

He leans forward, eyes closed as he kisses you, warm and soft. The sensation tingles all the way down to your stomach, makes your cheeks burn, and your brain prickle. And you relax, the familiarity of this, so delicate, so unchanged from the time he kissed you last that you can’t help but smile into his lips.

You lean against his shoulder and look up, at the moon above you two, his arms wrapped around you.

“Moon looks pretty tonight, doesn’t it?” you ask.

“Always has.” he responds, his lips soft in your hair as the warm tears fill your eyes.

“Happy birthday, Eren.” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“Thank you, my moon.” he responds.

And you stay there, to watch the sun rise. On the two of you, together, for the last time.

Eren tucks you back into bed with Lana as the sun peaks up, though it’s a battle in itself. Because Lana’s all starfish on the bed, her limbs tangled over every open space on the bed. But Eren’s rude and he’s just flopping her around, until he makes space, pressing a kiss to your forehead before leaving.

And hours later, the sun is sinking down, with Lana nowhere to be found and Armin reading at the couch to the side.

“Hey.”

“Jesus. It’s almost sunset, you’ve been sleeping all day. Whatever Connie has is rubbing off on you.” he mutters, reaching over to hand you a water bottle.

“Sorry. I slept late because-”

Because of Eren.

You jump up and take the seat next to Armin, excitedly telling him everything that happened last night. And he’s smiling so bright, blue eyes glimmering that you’re both excitedly hugging each other and squeezing hard.

“Well. He’s been out all day, but he should be back tonight. Let’s go to dinner before we leave, yeah?”

You nod, jumping up to the bathroom to get ready, the smile on your face aching your cheeks as you reach for the toothpaste. You peek your head out the door at Armin.

“‘Min.”

“Hm?”

“Do you have toothpaste?

“There’s some in Connie’s room. Just go grab it.”

You take your toothbrush and bustle through the hallway, past the crowds of people walking through. You’re lucky you never have to mourn the frat house experience. You’re fairly certain you’re living it right now.

You swing into his room, the smell of candy overwhelming, as you push forward and open the door. Only to find Connie, leaned over the counter, fixing up three lines of white powder with a credit card.

“Connie. What are you doing?” you ask, your throat burning in your neck.

He turns his head and his eyes nearly boggle out of his head as he quickly swipes the powder into the sink and the excess on his hands against his pants. He’s smiling, too big, too synthetic as he grabs your hands.

“Y/N! Nothing! You- it was a joke. It’s not what it looks like, I swear.”

You swallow hard as he presses you into a hug and the dots connect, your eyes burning.

Connie’s doing drugs. It’s-it’s why he sleeps all the time and then suddenly has intense energy out of nowhere, why his nose is red, why Eren told him to stop drinking.

Eren’s words from dinner ring in your head, of how he said he beat it out of Connie, and sit in a bad way.

Eren beat Connie up for doing this?

You pull back and press your hands to Connie’s face, to take him in. His skin is burning hot to the touch and there are beads of sweat matting his forehead, his entire demeanor so anxious, so jittery and nervous that it sets you off. And all you can think of is sweet Connie, so excited and energetic doing this in his free time that it makes you eyes burn.

“Connie. Are-are you okay? Why are you doing this?”

He freezes. And at your words, his entire demeanor changes and suddenly he’s on the floor softly crying, his head in his hands. You join him on the floor and put your hand on his shoulder.

“Connie. What’s wrong?”

“I-I just wanted to be the best, Y/N. I wanted to be the lead for once, I-”

“Connie. You, you’re-”

“Do you know how fucking tired I am of all of this? I-I can’t do this anymore. You- I’m done. I have to quit, I have to-” he says, shaking in your arms as you wrap your arms around him, tears streaming down your eyes.

“He couldn’t even let me have this one thing, Y/N. Eren just had to be the best.” he spits out, his chest heaving up and down as he mutters out more words, a long list of profanities directed towards Eren.

“Connie. You- we can go. Armin and I are leaving in a few hours, you-you should come with us. We-we want to help you.”

“You don’t get it, Y/N. Wherever I go, this thing follows me. That people know my fucking name when I walk down the street, when I go to the beach, when I’m at the doctor. We’re never getting fucking out of this. This is our life now.” he responds, cheeks straight on your face.

You reach for your phone on the counter as it buzzes, Armin’s name flashing across the screen. Connie’s still lying down flat on the floor, his tears falling straight onto the floor.

“Y/N.”

“Armin.”

“Are you crying? I-I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding, let’s just go-”

“It’s Connie. Can you come here? It’s- he’s not okay.”

“Okay, okay. I’m running.”

And a few seconds later, Armin’s pushing into the bathroom and his eyes are boggling at the sight of the two of you and his face falls when you explain. And then your phone starts buzzing on the counter, the notifications constant. You lift it and scroll, eyes flitting through the letters.

mikasa: don’t panic. we’ll figure out a response, okay?

jean: call us as soon as possible okay? ill kill him next time i see him

nobara: i’ll fly out to see you. are you still in new york?

levi: Call me when you get a chance. Hope you’re okay. Hange is going to talk to him.

sukuna: On your side. Whatever you do.

“Y/N. You- there’s something you have to see.” Armin says, dragging you out and handing you his phone. He rushes back into the bathroom to Connie, as you scroll through the tab on his phone.

It’s a video of Eren and Lana, with chunky headsets and microphones in front of their faces. You recognize the backdrop immediately - one of the WBS’s most popular podcasts, called Life in Love.

You press the clip and tilt the phone, eyes focused on Eren and Lana as they start talking.

“The person that you’re most associated with, Eren, is your co-star, Y/N L/N, from Attack on Titan. Can you comment on that, on what it’s like to have your first love be something so public?” the interviewer asks.

“First love is a funny way to describe it. I-I know that a lot of people like to assume things and we’ve never really said it publicly, but we never did actually date. It was a whole thing we did together, while we were filming Attack on Titan. Method acting.”

“Can you elaborate?” the interviewer asks.

“It’s like that thing with Ricky James. I mean, we’re all actors, we’re all part of the entertainment industry. And we do things, pretend a little, to make our art feel more authentic. The reason Y/N and I act so well in Attack on Titan, and win awards from it, is because we do it outside of it too. It’s like we’re acting all the time. You can turn it on and off.”

“So are you just friends, then? I mean, Y/N has an interesting track record with her own friends, like Historia and Jean and Mikasa that many people have pointed out before. Is that something that you can corroborate? That she’s a good friend?”

“She’s a good friend of mine, we-we laugh about it sometimes. And as for the stuff about her other friends, you know. You’re in competition and if you have something you really want, you-you’ll do anything to get it. That’s something I can admire. There’s only one person who ends up on a pedestal and if you have to kick people off to get there, that’s what it is.”

You jump off the bed and rush back into the background, where Armin is crouched next to Connie, his hand on his head.

“Connie.”

“Y/N. Hey, you ok-”

“What were you saying about Eren?”

“Huh?” Connie asks, eyes deeply lidded and his breaths becoming more labored.

You put your hands on his shoulders and shake, as aggressively as you can, as the tears stream out of your eyes.

“What did you mean? What did Eren do?”

“What he always does. Put himself first. Even if I’m the thing at stake.” Connie mutters, his hands shaking in your hold.

Armin gives you a pained look as your tears flow harder, your hands still on Connie’s shaking frame.

“Y/N. Get ready. We-we should leave.” Armin says, hands on his phone as he calls the car.

“Okay. I-I need a few minutes. And we’re taking Connie with us. I-I don’t care if he gets fired or whatever, he-he’s not staying here, Armin.”

Armin presses his hands on your shoulder, squeezing hard.

“I was going to say the same thing. C-calm down, Y/N. Okay? I’ll be back in a few.”

You wait in the kitchen as Armin lugs Connie’s bag down, swirling the glass of water in your hands. Your eyes are focused on everyone in the room, a smaller group, ambling around the room.

“Hey.”

“Oh. Hi Vance.”

“It’s Vinh.” he responds, giving you a smirk.

“Sorry.”

He scoots closer to you, his hand firm on your shoulder, as he leans down, a smile spread on his face.

“So, would you ever think about doing it with me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Faking it. Except, we can do all the real things too.” he says, securing his hand around your face and leaning closer to your lips.

You push his hand off as you put space between you two.

“Why would I ever do that?”

“Don’t act like you’re above it. Eren, Ricky James. I don’t see how I’m any different. Or if you have any dignity to preserve.”

You feel your throat dry, at the impact of Eren’s words solidifying in your mind. That him saying that your relationship wasn’t real only furthers all that hate you received after you told everyone the truth about Ricky.

That you were fake. And it meant now that people were going to start doing it again - start nitpicking every little thing, your relationship with Mikasa and Jean, with Eren and use every mistake you’ve made against you.

And for guys like this, it’ll just make them think this is okay. That you’re easy, that they’re entitled to what you’ve done for others because you’ve done it before.

“It-it’s really different.” you respond, running out of the kitchen.

You quickly duck out of the room as you see Armin dragging Connie down the stairs and make your way over to help him, the itchy, dirty feeling of the interaction you just had being pushed to the back of your mind.

You and Armin lug Connie to the back seat of the car, letting him lie down flat against the seats, as Armin reaches for the last of the stuff to put into the car. Connie’s still twitching in the seat, eyes pressed shut and sweating.

You place your hands on both sides of his cheeks, the tears filling your eyes again.

“Connie. I-I think we should take you to rehab or something, you-you’re not okay.” you whisper.

He’s quiet, still shaking in your frame as he opens his eyes and looks at you. And the tiredness, the red and the pain mixed together has your heart flinching in your chest, cutting deep.

“I hate myself for it. I didn’t want to be like this. That asshole who is high when his best friends are getting engaged.”

“They won’t be mad at you, Connie. We-we understand.”

“But I don’t understand. I wanted to remember it, Jean and Mika, they-they’re special. I-I wanted to remember it.” he says, his voice cracking as the tears start spilling down his face.

“Con.”

“I hate myself for it. I really, really do.” he says, so definitively, so sure of himself that all you can do is squeeze his cheeks in your hands as he falls asleep.

You brush your fingers through his buzzed hair one last time as you step out of the car, only to see Armin and Eren arguing near the bags by the door. You walk up, which stops them all together, as they both focus their eyes on you.

“Eren. Can I talk to you?”

He tilts his head towards Armin, who's still standing there, fists clenched. You give him a nod as he walks away, rolling the rest of Connie’s bags towards the car.

“Did you want something?” he asks, eyes squinting into yours.

“Yeah. I-I want to know what happened. You and I- we.”

“Y/N.”

You reach for his arm, for his fish tattoo right above his elbow and squeeze.

“Eren. It-it’s not true, right? There’s an explanation for this? Because we-we can help you. We’re taking Connie and leaving and you should come.”

“That’s not a good idea.”

“Eren. Whatever it is, we can figure it out. Just come with me. Or if you need me to stay, I’ll do that too. We can figure out how to tell the truth about it all. I won’t leave.”

He rolls his eyes, green eyes glaring into yours as he responds.

“Y/N. What part of what I said was a lie?”

You swallow hard, the acidic feeling in your mouth burning.

“Like almost all of it? You and I were real. We loved each other. And we still do.”

He places his hands on your shoulders and squeezes, as he drawls his voice out, each word stinging more.

“Do we?” he asks, his look so harsh it stings and the tears rise to your eyes.

Yes. You do.

“Yeah. What-what about yesterday? On the beach?”

He sighs, pushing his hand through his hair as he falls out of your hold, putting space between you two.

“I asked you if you knew what it meant when I kissed you. You clearly didn’t understand what I was trying to say.”

“And what did it mean, Eren?”

“That was a one time thing. For-for fun. It didn’t mean anything like that, I-I was just thanking you for coming down all the way for my birthday.”

You pale.

“You and I spent hours talking on the beach. About-about it all and-”

“We did other things too.” he responds, his voice biting.

You feel your cheeks burn with embarrassment, the understanding registering. That you spent hours on the beach talking, but amongst that there were other things you did too. The pale purple on his neck is proof of that.

“But-but you said all that stuff before. Sang that song, called me the moon and-”

“You’ve always been into that fluff shit. We always say corny shit like that before we do stuff.”

You pale, every memory of Eren whispering soft words against your skin as he kissed you souring in your mind. Because of the insinuation that none of it was real. That he just did it because he knew you liked to hear it, not because he meant any of it.

“Excuse me?”

“You know. The whole “we’re fish together thing” and the songs and all that.”

You stare at him, at his forehead crushed up in frustration and his green eyes, cold and soulless as they stare at you. You look down at his fish tattoo, and cross your arms to cover your own, glaring back at him.

“You’re a fucking liar, Eren. You-”

“Y/N. I’m a fucking actor. My entire job is to pretend like I like you, do you really think I am so incapable of keeping the act up when the cameras turn off?”

“It doesn’t make sense. There’s no reason for you to do that.”

“There is. I want to win Best Actor in a TV Series.”

“And what does that have to do with us?”

“Levi said that this role, if I did it right, could make me the fucking best. And you-you had no experience. I had to make sure that you actually liked me so that I didn’t have to carry you in every fucking scene. So that your acting wouldn’t bring me down.”

"Eren."

"Why did I win an award for the Thank You scene? Because you actually fucking liked me, because you were able to cry and act in the scene. You're a good actor, but you were never that good."

“But what about after? You-we were together when we weren’t filming.”

“You went on your tour. Got distant. Did I ever once make any effort to talk to you when you stopped? No, I didn’t. You broke up with me on that balcony because your team wanted you to date Ricky James instead of me. Did I stop you? No. You know why? Because who you date doesn’t fucking bother me, not in the slightest.”

“You knew. We-we understood each other. That’s why we broke up, because it’s fishbowl and-”

“Who the fuck would be okay with that? Seriously, if it was all in earnest, you think I’d just let you do that?"

“Then why the fuck are you writing depressing ass songs at the Met Gala and then taking care of me after the whole thing went down?”

“Y/N. You’re so fucking naive. That’s what you have to do. I act on the screen and I make people interested in me after the fact. I write songs about you, make it seem like you’re the one who broke up with me, so that people stream the songs. So that people talk about them. So that they’re popular. And then I save you after the fact, because at the end of the day, you and I still have a show to fucking finish and I can’t exactly leave you out there in the rain, can I?”

“Eren.”

“Think about it. After you were good and fine with Ricky, did we keep talking? Did it stay the same? No. I had no interest in putting effort in after that, because I was dating another girl. And I still am by the way.”

“Eren.”

“Get it through your head. You- I had to help you. In whatever way I did. Your parents weren’t famous and you had no ins. I have to do something to offset that if you’re my co-star.”

"No part of real to you? Not even one?"

"It-it's fun to pretend sometimes. But that's all it is, Y/N. Pretending. Faking it."

You feel a hand on your shoulder, squeezing hard, and turn to find Armin, his jaw clenched against his head.

“Are you serious, Eren? How can you even say that to her?”

“It’s the truth. She should try it sometime.”

You choke back a sob, your chest heaving up and down, as Armin lets go and pushes Eren, the irritation sitting in his chest.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you doing this to Connie? To Y/N?”

“Armin. We filmed one show together when we were kids. Don’t get mad when I don’t have the same loyalty that you all feel for each other. It was fun, but I still have a career outside of it.”

“Eren. You loved Attack on Titan. And us, you-you wanted to go back to it so many times after we stopped filming and went on hiatus.”

“Yeah. Because I was in a show that was actually good. Not shitty movies that were flopping. That-that had nothing to do with you guys.”

“Eren.”

“You guys should leave. I’ve had enough.”

Eren reaches for the last bag, grabbing Armin’s polaroid camera on top before pushing the last bag into Armin’s hands. And when he extends his hand to hand Armin the camera, he pulls back at the last second and lets it fall to the ground, with a resounding crack.

All you see is red.

“Eren. What did you just do?” you ask.

“My bad. I broke it.” he spits out.

Armin swallows hard as he looks at it, the camera that’s documented every portion of your childhood, every up and down and in between for the past seven years, now broken in his hands. Levi and Hange's vow renewal, every birthday, everyone messing around in between takes and- he just broke it.

You crouch down and put a hand on Armin’s shoulder, his tears falling straight onto the floor, over the camera. And pick up the pieces with him, the jagged edges hard in your hands, as you carry them over to the car.

You look back one last time, to see Eren with his hands in his pockets, illuminated by the moonlight, you take one last look and sit in the car. And then get in the car and let your tears flow freely. You lift Connie’s head and place it in your lap as Armin puts in the directions. And on your right, your phone buzzes and you pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hi! This is the Seattle Aquarium! We just wanted to know what time you would be coming by for your friends birthday tomorrow so we can set up?”

You swallow hard and hang up, cursing the stupid aquarium and the stupid fish that got you caught up in this in the first place.

You slide to Eren's contact - the picture of you two staring back at you - and block the number. And make a mental note to get your tattoo removed.

“Hello.”

“You’ve sat idle for three months now. And I’m not letting you sit around any longer. It’s-you have to defend yourself. This-you’re better than this. They’re making a mess of you.”

“Let them. Is there really anything I could say to stop them? No and-”

“Watch the link I sent you. Quit talking back with your shit excuses and remember why you even did any of this in the first place. And then call me back when you’re thinking straight.”

The line goes flat as the notification comes, the link in your messages. You open it up, a clip of Hange’s getting their triple threat commendation. Their speech, the one that got you involved in all this shit in the first place, ringing in your ears. The only reason you wanted to be a triple threat in the first place.

To anyone watching at home, in their living room in their rundown pajamas, this is a sign to never ever give up on your dreams. Because that used to be me, and it can be you too. Never let anyone stop you from becoming the triple threat you are meant to be. To let that fire run wild and true and let people see the real you.

The media made a shit show out of you, in the three months that followed. So much so, that you don’t even show your face in public. Because it snowballs so fast, the entire drama around Don’t Worry Darling, around you and Eren and Hyla becomes the only thing people talk about.

And the narrative is simple. You're quickly written off into something you’re not. That you faked your relationship with Ricky James and Eren Jaeger for publicity, that you leached off of their fame to be famous yourself. That it’s all you care about.

Hyla goes on the record and brings up the night you and Eren shared on the beach. And quickly gives you your reputation as a home wrecker, as a people pleasing attention seeker who likes people who puff up her ego.

People like Jean and Mikasa, like Connie and Sasha - who are still famous and good for your image, but not famous enough to over shine yoU. Not like Historia, who you so quickly discarded and then opened a full on competition with when you released your records.

That at the end of the day, all you are is a small town girl from Canada, with a sick need to be at the top of the pedestal. To have people clamoring around you, praising you, because of your inferiority complex. That you're easy, that you have no feelings, that you're not even a real person.

The words churn in your mind, the thought angrily swirling with every other feeling. And the push, the support in a moment like this solidifies your plan in your mind. To let that fire run wild and true and let people see the real you.

The real you.

you’re right. i’m in.

on my first flight out. we’re going to bury this asshole in the ground.

And in the most perfect way, you’ve got the best person at your side helping you. Always known for upstanding honesty, truth, and for digging people into holes when they deserve it. For burying them with art, with carefully chosen words and songs.

It’s what makes her the perfect right hand to your revenge. Historia's always had a flair for the dramatics.

next part linked here

an, again: sukuna reputation era? sorry. girls do it better. (im just kidding, he'll be part of the reputation era but our best baby girl historia will be too). there is just something so insane about them ALL using historia as a piece of evidence against y/n and then her being right at her side. also no one hang me at the stake please.

taglist:

@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanlol @mel-star636

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bg-brainrot · 14 days

Text

The Night They Slept Together

Featuring: Astarion x Rogue!Tav

Series: Fits into Love at First Knife, AO3 link here

Summary: Tav pines, and their relationship with Astarion shifts ever so slightly. (They literally do just sleep)

Tags: 2nd person POV, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Pining, light hurt and angst, Astarion is Bad at Feelings, coping with feelings, act 2, pre-confession

A/N: some light angst as Tav comes to term with their feelings but we already know where they end up, so it's okay, right? :D

Word count: ~2.1k

Your tryst with Astarion should be over by now.

It was supposed to be a one off moment of passion, a way to destress after all of the danger you’d thrown yourselves into. He’d asked so easily, you’d agreed just as readily– a quick celebratory moment after defeating that goblin camp, when your spirits and libido were running high.

The second time? Well, that was easy to write off as well. You’d just fought off an entire creche, moving through it like a pair of practiced assassins, a synchrony you haven’t felt since– well, you’re not certainly you’ve ever felt so in sync with someone. Either way, it was another easy nod to his sly, questioning look.

You’d had similar excuses for your first night in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, for the handful of midday, afternoon, midnight romps since.

It’s just a way for us to cope with the situation at hand, nothing more, nothing less, you’d told yourself.

That is, until you’d realized that it wasn’t just that. Not to you.

Oh gods, I love this insane vampire.

The night you’d realized that everything had changed.

What had begun as a distraction for you both, had turned into a poison– one slowly working its way through your system, incapacitating you piece by piece at the thought of another night falling into his arms, sinking deeper into the throes of an impossible love.

After all, what is this other than convenient? And if you continued to be a mere convenience to him, well, you doubt that this would end well for you. It’s high time that you cut off the source of this poison before it festers too far. Before it grips your vulnerable, aching heart.

That’s what you’d told yourself, but you’re finding it so much harder to cut off the source when he’s standing right in front of you, waiting for you with a smirk toying along the edge of his mouth, an eyebrow raising suggestively as his voice lowers to a sultry invitation.

You’d come by his tent to say goodnight. Maybe, ‘Good job today.’ Any excuse to see him really, but now you’re met with a challenge.

Astarion’s words don’t make it much easier either.

“Oh my dear, you look positively wound-up after today’s bouts. Care for a little… unwinding?”

His voice drips with promise, with want, with a feeling that echoes through your own traitorous core. But, like a sweet that’s overstayed its welcome, it seems too tacky, hardening into something utterly indigestible.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” you ask, eying him carefully, fighting down your own building desires.

“Why shouldn’t it be?” he asks, a raised brow lowering in uncertainty.

You hesitate, unsure how much truth you’re willing to part with. Certainly not, ‘Because I may have accidentally fallen in love with you.’ And you don’t want to shove him out of your life unceremoniously either. Just… to slow down, allow your heart time to adjust– to get over him, if need be.

After a pause that goes on for a second too long, you finally settle on, “It just seems as if we’ve already had plenty of ‘fun’, don’t you think?”

Astarion’s small smirk drops, a dark look entering his eyes as he registers your words, how they directly counter his own from your first night together. How they fall between you with the full weight of rejection. “Don’t tell me you’ve grown shy now, darling?” he says, voice a bit sharper than what you’re used to.

You’d known that trying to slow down wouldn’t be easy, but his downturned lips make you want to take back your words, dive back into the intoxicating miasma of his cold embrace. But you also know that if you don’t stand your ground now, you’re liable to fall too far too fast.

“Not shy per say,” you respond, measuring your words carefully. “Merely wondering if that’s what you want.”

Astarion seems no more placated by these words than your earlier ones. “And what makes you think I wouldn’t want this?”

Fear born of your heart, insecurity born of your nerves, damned logic born of your head– there are really so many reasons he wouldn’t want this, wouldn’t want you. But you don’t want to be too transparent, not when this adventure could all be over very soon. You say as much.

“Well, our days could be numbered.” Then your lips continue. “Perhaps there is someone else you would rather be unwinding?” The question slips out of you, an unbidden, unwelcome concern courtesy of the fear building in your chest.

“Is that what you want?” he asks, response quick, tone biting. His lips are pressed in a tight line, the muscles in his neck tense as he clenches his jaw.

Gods, you’d known your heart would lead you astray. Here you are, facing an Astarion unlike any that had made a home in your bedroll. An Astarion made of sharp edges and cutting words. Expression closed, mouth a tight line, you find his change in demeanor aggravating. You bristle at his accusation. “No, Astarion. I don’t want that. If I did, I wouldn’t be here, speaking with you. Though you’re making me regret doing that much now.”

He tilts back at your words, leaning back on the heels of his feet as if thrown off balance. “Then why did you even come over? To reject me then to–to taunt me?”

You had meant to do none of that. Really, you’d only come over out of habit, to see him, to… spend time with him. But it’s hard to say so without being entirely too forthcoming with your feelings. You wish that you could put your feelings into words, however it’s your burden to bear, not his. He has more than enough on his plate between the Absolute and Raphael’s deal.

So you shake your head at him. “I didn’t mean to reject you, Astarion. I hadn’t come here for sex at all.”

Once more, he asks the question you do not want to answer. “Then why did you even come over?”

You could lie. It’s as easy as breathing for you– it’s how you and Astarion had grown so close so quickly. You should lie, you tell yourself. But one look into his crimson, pleading eyes and the lie dies on your lips.

He looks hurt. So genuinely confused at your presence in front of him, deeply convinced that you could only be here for one thing and one thing only. And you know then that you can’t lie.

“I wanted to see you,” you say, the honest words tightening your throat on their way out, You haven’t told him how you feel, but you may as well have, with the way the words sound utterly, sinfully soft, a secret lost on the cold wind of the Shadow-Cursed night.

“You… wanted to see me?” he repeats, tone losing all of its edge, losing any of its structure at all.

You nod silently, uncertain if more words would help or hurt the situation.

To that, Astarion only blinks. His mouth opens, head tilting in that cautiously inquisitorial way, as he asks, “And then what?”

There was no ‘and then’ in your mind. Merely the need to see him, spend time with him, even after spending an entire dark, dreary day with him. But you suppose he wouldn’t understand that if you said it. So you need to come up with something concrete, a reason to be here beyond words…

“I was wondering if you wanted to share a bedroll tonight. To sleep,” you say, infusing enough confidence in your words that you can hardly note the nerves. You expect Astarion wouldn’t notice them at all.

His defenses noticeably drop, his shoulders sagging in relief, and a sigh escapes him as he shakes his head at you wryly. “Well, why didn’t you just say so, darling? I understand that not everyone has my stamina, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

You want to roll your eyes, defend your honor as it hangs on by a thread, but you’ve narrowly avoided disaster and you’re not proud enough to ruin that. Instead you play into the role, ignoring the dull twinge that twists through your heart. “I wasn’t sure you would be so magnanimous,” you say, giving him the slightest bow of your head. “I should have known.”

“That you should have,” he says with a breathy laugh and he sounds almost… relieved?

More than anything, you want to ask him, why? Are you relieved that my feelings have stayed silent? That this thing between us remains uncomplicated? That you don’t have to find yourself a new distraction?

But your questions stay just as buried as your feelings do.

Your damnable feelings, which seem to threaten to burst out each time his eyes linger too long, with every touch you weren’t expecting. It must be a talent, holding them in as you do now.

They stay hidden as he extends a hand to you, inviting you into his tent with a warm smile and a, “Shall we?”

You keep them dormant as you follow, tucking your head into the now-familiar red structure, narrowly avoiding the mess he’s left inside.

They almost slip to the surface as he pulls you down onto his lap, and a heat rises between you as natural as steam from a hot spring.

It’s an invitation, of course. One last effort from Astarion for something more tonight, for you to be won over by his beauty and charm. But there’s nothing to be won over because you are already his.

You wish he could tell, from your drunken declarations, from the way you’ve made a second home in his arms. Maybe he can tell, but refuses to acknowledge it– you could hardly blame him if that were to be the case. But you also can’t blame yourself for barely holding back.

Even now, seated in his lap, staring into his mesmerizing red eyes, you’re not certain you could trust a single word that comes out of your lips. So you throw every word you’ve ever known, could ever know, to the wayside. And simply kiss him.

You press your lips to his slowly, contact feather-light as you balance on his thighs. Bracing yourself with a hand on his chest, you lean in, locking your lips together fully.

They move together easily, dance partners on a familiar dance floor, to a practiced tune, but when you think of all of the things you wish you could say, an urgency rises in you– a deep-seated need to tell him how you feel, even if only through this.

So you kiss him harder, your hands holding him all the tighter. You kiss him with every word unspoken, every intangible feeling rising in your chest, every single ounce of you that he’s already won, if only he were willing to claim it.

Astarion moves to deepen the kiss, placing a hand on the back of your head, the other on the small of your back, not understanding where your desperation comes from. Misunderstanding your intent altogether.

Of course, what was I thinking? you wonder to yourself as you pull away, panting lightly. That some magical kiss could make this man realize my feelings, could make him love me back?

But you’re not in some copper novel. This man harbors no hidden feelings for you. Only a deep need to lose himself, and you happen to be the person he’s chosen to do that with.

So, despite the confusion in his face, you crawl off of his lap. Despite the way his hand trails along your side as you lay down, you don’t get back up. You merely say, “It’s getting late, we should get some rest.”

Astarion murmurs his agreement, but you can hear the reluctance in his tone, see the bewildered expression on his face as he lies down, all of his clothing still covering his body.

You could laugh at the absurdity of it all, how unnerved he is, how deeply your chest aches– gods, this didn’t go well at all. But you don’t laugh. Only a sigh escapes you as you wrap your arms around him, as you press your body to his with all of the affection you cannot contain.

His arms stumble, they falter, but they find their way around you as well. An awkward embrace from a man who has no clue how he’s arrived at this point.

It’s difficult at a moment like this to remember that you shouldn’t love this man. That there are a dozen reasons to tamp down your feelings, a dozen more to run away. This was never supposed to be more than a single night of fun.

But, face tucked into the crook of his neck, hands clutching his loose shirt, nose filled with his carefully curated scent– you can almost pretend that this is real.

#astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #rogue + rogue #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion is bad at feelings #spawn astarion #hurt comfort #lightly angsty #mainly pining

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avoxrising · 4 months

Text

The Feral One • Epilogue

Finnick x Y/N

Series Masterlist Link

Prequel is coming in a few months! I haven’t made a Taglist yet and probably won’t start one till I’m closer to publishing. I’ll make a post tagging this series’ Taglist when I’m starting the next one.

Content Warnings - Mentions of fertility issues/miscarriage; death; the end of this series (don’t worry it’s a good ending imo)

Dear Brielle,

A lot has happened in seventeen years. I’ve now lived half of my life without you, mom, and dad. I’ve been thinking about you a lot so my husband Finnick (yes that Finnick lol) said I should write you a letter of all the things I wanted to tell you but never could.

A little over ten years ago we killed President Snow. The districts rebelled and won. The war was brutal and there were times I nearly died, but Finnick pulled me through.

We got married a year later. We never really did the whole dating thing, our friendship just evolved into a beautiful romance overnight. He was there for me after you left and he has been here ever since.

The years since the war have not been easy. I’ve had bouts of seizures that leave me bedridden and ill for days. The doctors said my condition should be worse so I should be grateful. Countless medications and treatments have made slight improvements to my health but the pain will always be there.

Two years after our wedding we almost hit our breaking point. Finnick and I had been trying to start a family for over a year but nothing was working. It was the most frustrating experience of my life post-war and I do not wish those struggles on anyone.

Three years after our wedding, Mags passed of old age. Although we were sad, we were all glad she got to live out her last few years in a free Panem. Johanna decided to move in with Annie afterwards so she wouldn’t be alone. We are still neighbors to this day.

Four years after our wedding, I got pregnant, only to lose the baby a few months in due to a bad seizure. This was Finnick and I’s lowest point to date.

It’s now been a bit over 9 years since I married the love of my life and the father of my child. We were finally blessed with a baby boy, Neptune, 4 years ago today. He is everything I could have asked for in a child; rambunctious, kind, and adventurous. He looks just like his father but acts like his mother.

Two years ago, Neptune’s best friend arrived in District 4. Annie and Johanna adopted a little girl, Jodie, from District 7. Neptune and her do EVERYTHING together. Finnick keeps joking that we should build a tunnel between our two houses so the kids can hang out all the time.

All in all, it’s been a very painful 34 years of existence. Part of me is glad you didn’t have to witness what happened. The other part of me still hopes you’re out there, even though I know you aren’t. I hope that wherever you are, you’re at peace.

Love, your dear sister,

Y/N

Taglist:

@randomgurl2326 @mystargirl-interlude @uther-pendragon-is-an-ass @yourdailymemedelivery @americanprometheuss @|3хі3luv @noisyalmonddreamer @nordicvxid @teaganthemorningstar @samatokisunfinishedcigarette @justtrying2getby @lvsticm @notplutos @innercreationflower @nexxus13 @kachelleee @helluvafire @haymitchabernathyslover @memeorydotcom @frostsword @meri-soni-meri-tamanna @giverosespls @honethatty12 @just-levyy @dd122004dd @nekee-lilac02 @impeterporker @nox-the-gay-nerd @redsakura101 @hopefulatrocity @eddiemunson4ever @fangirlvibez @kittimbo @zucchinimalfoy @sleepy-roman @secretsicanthideanymore @writerofadream @finnysmusic @mayonesavegana @lilifl0wer @finnickodaddy @abbersreads @fox-bee926 @ginger-swag-rapunzel @isasalom @yizhoutv @livingdead-reilly @coriolanussnowswife @faephoria @omwtkydttfym @iris1587 @sarcasm-and-stiles @10ava01 @impossessedbyjeongyeon @littleanubis21 @scorpiolystoned @maxinehufflepuffprincess

*if the tag didn’t work please check your settings to make sure other blogs can tag you

#hunger games #finnick odair #hunger games fic #the hunger games #finnick odair x reader #finnick x reader #catching fire #mockingjay #finnick odair angst #finnick angst #finnick #thg finnick #finnick fluff #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair fluff #the feral one

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rye-in-a-coat · 4 months

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MY SPARKLECARE THEORY

The Number.

Y'all remember when the ZCP told us to not call the phone number Rem gives to Bright? You should not, I'm not sure if it's an actual number in real life; but if it happens to be, no one who's on the other side of the line will be happy.

To avoid curious viewers to obliterate someone's phone, what usually is done in media ever since in the 1960's in the U.S. and Canada is to have the phone number's central office code to be 555 as it's almost* guaranteed no civilian person will have such number for personal use or will link to any business. This only applies in the North American Numbering Plan of course.

Why didn't the ZCP use a 555 number then? They actually used one in the same volume, the phone number Lo dials to call the Citycountrytown Casting Agency is 555-2737.

What I get from this is that, if they didn't use a 555 number for the number at the end, it is because the numbers in it themselves carry some kind of information.

Cross on blue and yellow background.

Such symbol has appeared before in Volume 1, where we see a escaped patient having it on a sign, and in Volume 2, where it is held by a protestor. As Eve mentioned once in this ask, such symbol which also appears in the blog, website and other stuff is NOT the hospital's logo. Then of what or who?

An anti-Sparklecare group?

It is clear that this symbol as shown in these examples, represents a statement against Sparklecare. What I supose is that, because Kittycorn doesn't want to reveal any further information of the protestors seen in volume 2, they will be relevant in a future volume or series. If we link these clues together, perhaps this symbol doesn't just represent the movement in general, but a specific organized group against Sparklecare, making it their logo. Then this would make Rem part of it too, and so Rem then becomes a very important piece in the story, because she's the infiltrated secret agent in the hospital. Knowing how heavily implied Doctor Party is to be an ESPer, he surely knows about Rem's undercover identity and about this organized group. Perhaps he's part of it too, if so, then they have another great important character against Cuddles.

A cipher?

Going back to the phone number, if the numbers in it are important and relevant, perhaps a piece of code is ciphered in it. My first thought was A1Z26 cipher, a simple sustitution code in which each letter gets a number assigned, so A is 1, B is 2; and so on.

The first six digits of the phone number, if you read them as 1-14-20-9 and decipher them using A1Z26, you get the word ANTI; which I really doubt this is just a coincidence knowing how it is implied this phone number belongs to an ANTI Sparklecare group.

The other four tho: 2425, are not that obvious. The possible combinations readable in A1Z26 are 2-4-2-5 (BDBE), 2-4-25 (BDY), 24-2-5 (XBE), and 24-25 (XY).

The only idea that comes to my mind is A-N-T-I-B-D-Y which is one letter off from "antibody". An antibody is protein belonging to the inmune system which will find, target and neutralize foreign and so-possibly harming bodies such as harmful bacteria and viruses.

An antibody's job is to protect the human body from what will harm it, and these anthries's hope seems to be to protect the patients from receiving any more harm from such heartless medical industry.

But Imma be honest, the four last digits are quite an stretch to analyze and I'm starting to doubt if the ANTI is a coincidence.

*A footnote.

If you want to use a 555 number in your media, DO NOT put as area codes 800, 888, 877, 866, 855, 844 or 833 before them. These area codes are reserved for toll-free dial numbers, to which the 555 office code is valid; so you may actually write a real phone number that who knows where that will link to.

#handful of grains #sparklecare #tell-o-phone

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lilacmingi · 12 days

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OPPOSITES ATTRACT

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with ne ir any of my works.

Pairing: Gryffindor!Jongho x Slytherin!fem reader

Word count: 4,408

Note: Final installment in the Hogwarts AU series! If you don’t know, the Hogwarts imagines for the other members are linked at the end! Reminder that this is an imagine from my Wattpad from 2023 so there will not be extra parts or continuations

Jongho wizzed through the air, holding the Quaffle close to him as he zoomed towards the opposing team's hoops, successfully tossing the ball through the goal, scoring yet again for Gryffindor.

"Yes!" You cheered only to quickly clamp your hand over your mouth afterwards, your outburst earning you some glances from your fellow housemates.

Maybe next time you should sit with the Gryffindors—then again, you'd stand out like a sore thumb. It was hard not to cheer for Jongho. He's the best quidditch player on the whole team, watching him is enough to put you on the edge of your seat. Yes, you two are from opposing houses, but you're the best of friends and you don't let old rivalries stop you from hanging out together.

The game came to a close and Gryffindor took the victory as expected. You had to keep your excitement at bay as you exited the stands to meet with your friend on the ground, holding it in long enough to part ways with the rest of your house.

Jongho approached you looking oh-so-handsome as usual, a thin layer of sweat on his face giving him a post-victory glow.

"That was awesome!" You squeaked.

"It was nothing." He huffed.

"Nothing? Every time I watch you play I'm on the edge of my seat. Honestly, there was a couple times I wasn't sure you'd score, but you pulled through every time."

His warm laughter filled the air as his cheeks turned pink, though that could have just been from all the activity out on the field.

"You act like I'm the best player on the team."

"You are!" You said enthusiastically, giving him a light punch on the arm. "We should celebrate your victory."

"By doing what?"

"We could go to Hogsmeade and grab a butterbeer." You suggested. "My treat."

Jongho's eyes lit up.

He loved butterbeer. You could remember the first time he tried it, the fond memory replaying in your head.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

That heart-melting gummy smile of his broke out on his face as he nodded.

"Sounds good."

You and Jongho had been friends from day one, literally. You met on the train to Hogwarts and he was nervous as ever. He had only just recently found out there was magic in his family lineage and wasn't sure what to expect at Hogwarts as he had only found out it's existence a few weeks prior to the start of he school year.

"I don't know anything about this place and I'm nervous to be away from home for so long."

"There's nothing to be nervous about. You'll have fun, trust me." You told him. "I've been looking forward to this for a whole year. My older cousin told me they have entire feasts at Hogwarts. There's all sorts of food lined up on these really long tables that stretch across almost the entirety of the room."

"Wow. That sounds much better than instant ramen."

"Instant? Muggles have instant ramen?" You asked with wide eyes.

"Oh. It's not instant, it's just made in a shorter amount of time. We don't have magic so we have meals that can be made easily."

"Ooh. How long does it take?"

"Usually about three minutes unless you want to add extra stuff or cook your noodles longer."

"Three minutes is still really quick." You responded. "That's amazing."

"I guess it is." He chuckled.

Jongho thought so-called "muggle" things weren't special. After all, it's just how he goes about daily life, but seeing your reaction was amusing to him.

The both of you became friends very quickly during the duration of the train ride. You even sat together at the sorting hat ceremony, where you briefly explained what would occur.

"I hope we get into the same house together." You remember Jongho saying.

Unfortunately, you got sorted into different houses, you in Slytherin and him in Gryffindor, but that didn't bother you, nor did it stop the both of you from spending time together.

You and Jongho signed up to take a muggle appreciation class together where you paired up with each other since the professor wanted muggles or half-bloods to pair with purebloods. That was one of your favorite classes. You enjoyed learning about how muggles got through everyday life without magic as well as some of the things they had that you didn't, like pens, you found those to be quite fascinating. Your professor had a few and allowed everyone to try them out to see what they thought. You loved the pen and wondered why the school never used them instead of quills.

"You did so good at the game yesterday." You told Jongho.

He smiled, looking down bashfully. "Thanks."

"You're the best quidditch player at Hogwarts." You continued praising him.

Jongho was visibly holding back a bright grin, doing his best to keep it concealed as he fiddled with the packaging of his chocolate frog he purchased from the candy trolley.

"I get so caught up in the game. I'm sure my housemates want to kick me out." You chuckled.

He had seen you cheering him on many times before, even when Slytherin was against Gryffindor. It warmed his heart that you always cheered for him despite being in opposing houses and seeing you in the stands always gave him an energy boost during quidditch games, but he would never say it aloud.

Once you arrived at Hogsmeade, you couldn't contain your excitement, rushing Jongho off the train. He was fairly excited as well, but he wanted to keep his cool, putting on a calm exterior as he followed behind you through the metal archway with the town name on it.

Jongho's eyes glimmered in wonderment as he gazed at all the shops like it was his first time seeing them.

"Here we are." You announced, looking up at the sign for The Three Broomsticks.

Jongho was quick to step ahead of you and hold the door open. It was a small gesture but it made your heart flutter. Stepping inside the tavern, the both of you made your way to the bar, seating yourselves on the wooden stools that lined it. Someone came around shortly and took your orders before grabbing a couple glass steins, filling them with the sweet amber liquid you and Jongho came for.

"Two butterbeers." The barkeep said, setting the glasses down.

You rummaged in your bag and placed enough coins on the tabletop to pay for the beverages.

"Hey." Jongho frowned in disappointment, his hand halfway shoved in his pocket from trying to dig out money to pay himself.

"It's my treat." You smiled, lifting your stein up. "We're celebrating your big win, after all."

Jongho raised his large mug as well, clinking it with yours before taking a few large gulps of the butterscotch-flavored beverage.

Jongho let out an ahh sound, setting his glass down on the bar top. You chuckled softly at the foam that clung to his upper lip which made him look even more adorable than usual.

"What?" He inquired.

"You've got a little something here." You gestured on your own face.

"Oh." He laughed, his ears turning a light shade of pink as he grabbed a napkin and wiped his mouth.

"You got hit pretty hard by that one chaser on Slytherin. I thought you were going to get knocked off your broom. Are you alright?"

Jongho instinctively rubbed his shoulder while thinking back on the moment he got rammed in the side by one of Slytherin's chasers the day before.

"Yeah I'm fine. A little sore, but he didn't hit me that hard. It's nothing I can't handle."

You shook your head and stifled a laugh.

Jongho was a tough cookie and a strong person both mentally and physically, but that didn't stop you from checking up on him.

"So, should we shop while we're here?" You inquired before taking another drink of your butterbeer.

You could see the faintest hint of a smile playing at Jongho's lips. He loved Hogsmeade and always seemed so entranced by what it had to offer. Even after all these years you can still see how mesmerized he is by everything.

"We could... you know since we're in town." He responded.

"Alright. We can go wherever you want."

His face lit up at your offer.

Once your glasses had been emptied and your craving for butterbeer had been satiated, you and Jongho set off into Hogsmeade to browse the shops and see what grabbed your attention.

"Could we go into Spintwitches?" He asked you in an almost unsure manner, but you could tell by the gleam in his eye that he really wanted to go.

"Of course. Like I said, we'll go wherever you want."

As soon as you stepped foot in the sporting goods shop, you could see Jongho's face brighten, his eyes darting to all the different displays inside.

"Check it out." He marveled, scurrying over to one of the brooms on display.

Your eyes moved to the card set up with the name written across it.

"Hogwarts House Broom." You read aloud.

"It's enchanted to display the house colors of the owner." Jongho informed.

"Woah."

"Yeah. It's pretty awesome, isn't it?"

You nodded.

Though you were a pureblood wizard and Jongho was muggle-born, he seemed to have much more knowledge on quidditch than you. He knew anything and everything about types of brooms and what they do, whereas you didn't.

"This one can go up to seventy miles per hour." He pointed. "It's called the Silver Arrow. You see how the broom itself is made to look like an arrow?"

You nodded.

Honestly, you could listen to Jongho talk about brooms all day just to be able to see the enthusiastic expression on his face. Often times you find yourself thinking back on the day you first met him and how nervous he was to be attending Hogwarts. Now, he fits right in.

Jongho continued spouting off facts about each broom while you both perused the store for a few more minutes before deciding to move on.

"Where to next?" He inquired.

"How about Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop?"

He nodded and you both made your way in that direction.

Upon entering the quaint shop, the scent of parchment and ink reached your senses, a content smile settling onto your features. Displayed on the shelves were different quills that ranged in appearance. Some had fluffy, white feathers while others were flat with patterns on them. Your attention was drawn to a stunning peacock quill, the vibrant array of colors piquing your interest.

You had always been drawn to the captivating quill ever since you enrolled at Hogwarts years ago. Though with its flamboyant appearance, you had passed on buying one, not wanting to cause a distraction during class.

"I never really cared for quills." Jongho commented. "They're difficult to use and you have to keep dipping it in ink."

"Yeah, I can't understand why the school would still want to use them when there are things like pens."

"Ah." He chuckled, thinking back on when your professor for muggle appreciation class allowed everyone to try one out. "You were mesmerized by those things."

"How could I not be? They're much more convenient than a quill. You don't have to constantly dip it in ink."

"Stopping to dip your quill in ink seems like a waste of time if you think about how many times you have to do it during one class period." Jongho mentioned.

"Exactly!" You pointed. "I didn't even think about that."

A small laugh of amusement slipped out of Jongho as he shook his head. Seeing you getting fired up about pens versus quills was entertaining to him.

Moving right along, you started browsing the parchment and notebooks stacked on a shelf. One in particular had caught your eye and had you walking over to it, picking it up from the stack. You ran the pads of your fingers over the intricate embossed design in the leather of the notebook, tracing the swirls and curls on the cover. You enjoyed journaling and writing down good and exciting things that have happened to you, even sometimes writing down bad things just to vent your emotions. The pages in the current notebook you owned were only halfway filled, so there was no need to purchase the one you held in your hands, but it sure was pretty. Maybe you'd come back for it later when you needed a new journal.

You proceeded to the next display, perusing the items for a few moments before noticing Jongho's absence. He was standing with you when you first entered the store, but now you weren't sure where he had wandered off to.

After searching the shop for about a minute, you found Jongho looking at an inkwell filled with rainbow ink, turning the small glass jar around in his hand with a confused pout on his pretty lips that had your heart doing front flips.

"Do people actually use this?" He asked once you were close enough to hear him.

"Only for fun or pranks. It's not really suitable for classwork."

"Ah." He placed it back on the shelf. "People here seem to love their jokes. Prank quills, prank socks, a prank shop."

"Yeah." You chuckled. "Some people do. You'd be surprised how good business is at Zonko's."

"Are you ready to go?" Jongho asked, looking to see that you didn't have anything in your hands.

"Yeah. I didn't find anything."

"Alright. Moving on, then."

Your day at Hogsmeade was a lot of fun. You had stayed in town so long that you decided to grab lunch. Unfortunately, you weren't quick enough and Jongho had paid for your meal, which you shyly thanked him for. At the end of the day, you each left town with a bag of sweet treats from Honeydukes and a new piece of clothing from Gladrags. Jongho found a nice jacket and you managed to snag a pair of pants you had your eye on for a while.

"Thanks for taking me out today." Jongho told you on your walk back to the school.

"It was nothing. I wanted to celebrate your big win, plus I needed a day out. Can't be focused on studies all the time."

"Right." He chuckled.

Once inside the castle, the both of you parted ways to head to your respective dormitories, Jongho standing in the hallway for a moment, watching you walk away.

I should have said something. He thought to himself. It would have been the perfect opportunity. He let out a short huff of disappointment.

Maybe next time.

Jongho took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his racing heart. He had gone over everything at least a hundred times.

"Just say what you need to say. It's no big deal."

Gryffindors were supposed to be courageous and brave, but Jongho was currently lacking that trait. He wanted so badly to confess his feelings to you, but all he could think about was the many ways you'd reject him:

"I only see you as a friend."

"I like someone else."

"I'm sorry. I don't feel the same."

"I don't date muggles."

He groaned, throwing his head back in exasperation. It shouldn't be this big of a deal.

If only he had something that could help him out, give him that little boost of courage he needed.

Then, suddenly, a lightbulb went off in his head. A bravery potion. That's it! He knew how to make that. He just learned it a few weeks ago in potions class. Pulling out his cauldron, he went through the ingredients he remembered were used in the concoction, pulling them out and lining them along the desk.

Less than an hour later, he held a glass bottle in his hands, swirling the liquid around inside while examining it. He had never taken a potion before and was a little nervous, but he needed this. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to confess properly unless he had just a little bit of courage.

"I hope this works." He murmured before downing the potion.

You were walking down the hallway when Jongho came around the corner with a little pep in his step. It was evening and classes were over for the day, so you assumed that's why he appeared so chipper.

"There you are, pretty."

Your body stiffened, your heart leaping at the unexpected nickname.

"Pretty?" You whispered under your breath.

As soon as you were within reach, Jongho took hold of your hand and rubbed his thumb affectionately across your knuckles.

"I'm glad I found you. We need to talk."

"We do?" You questioned. "About what?"

"Follow me."

Jongho led you down the stone corridors of the castle until you arrived at a somewhat secluded area of the school that was, for the moment, free of any students or teachers.

"Is everything alright?" You asked, mildly concerned that he needed to discuss something serious with you.

"You're so beautiful." He sighed out, ignoring your question. "Have I ever told you that?"

Your eyes widened as a faint warmth touched your cheeks. "No."

"You are. Y/n, you are so stunning."

What's with the sudden compliments?

Jongho gazed at you dreamily. "You make my heart race every time I'm near you and when I see you in the crowd at quidditch games cheering for me, it makes me feel so giddy I can't even explain it. Sometimes I wish I could run up to you after a successful game and kiss you. I'd lift you off your feet and spin you around just like in the movies."

"Jongho." You uttered in disbelief.

"I love you so much, Y/n."

You could see the look in his eyes and tell by the way he was sputtering all of these confessions that something wasn't right.

"Are you okay?" You asked him.

"I'm fine." He giggled. "Better than ever."

You pressed your lips together in concern, cupping his cheeks to examine him.

"Please kiss me, Y/n."

You gasped softly at the request, your cheeks set ablaze. Oh how you wanted to give in. You wanted so badly to lock lips with him right then and there, but this wasn't right.

"What did you do, Jongho?" You asked.

"My name sounds so nice coming from your mouth, pretty." He sighed out.

"Jongho."

He giggled in response.

"What did you take?"

He reached into his bag and pulled out an empty bottle, handing it to you. You brought it to your nose, sniffing it, the scent of bubblegum reaching your senses.

Babbling Beverage.

"Jongho." You groaned. "What have you done?"

"It's a bravery potion, Y/n. No need to worry." He smiled almost drunkenly.

"This isn't a bravery potion, this is a Babbling Beverage. It makes you speak nonsense."

He scoffed in offense. "I'm not speaking nonsense."

"Come here." You brought him over to the corner of the secluded hallway, so you'd have a little more privacy.

"Are you mad at me?" Jongho asked.

"No, but why did you do it?"

"I wanted to confess to you but I was too scared. Isn't that silly? You told me Gryffindors are brave, and I usually am, but not today." He rested his head against the wall. "I needed something to help me so I brewed a bravery potion—or at least I thought it was."

"You... wanted to confess to me?"

"Yes. I like you so much, Y/n. You're so beautiful and funny and kind and you made me feel so welcomed on that very first train ride to Hogwarts. You were the first friend I ever made."

Your heart swelled with adoration at his words. Though he was under the influence of a potion, his words seemed genuine.

Jongho took his bag off, letting it fall to the ground as he stepped closer to you.

"I want to kiss you so badly." He murmured.

"I'm not sure that's a good ide-" Your sentence went unfinished as he gently took your chin between his thumb and index finger.

Staring into his captivating eyes, you found yourself wanting to give in, your gaze darting down to his pouty lips and imagining how soft they probably felt. Having his face so dangerously close to yours had you wanting to throw caution to the wind.

"Can I?" He asked.

The tone of his voice was so soft yet temping at the same time. Without mulling it over any further, you nodded.

Jongho didn't let another second pass before his lips landed on yours—and yes, they were soft. Right away, you reciprocated his actions, kissing him back with just as much fervor.

His fingers released your chin, moving to the back of your neck to pull you even closer, the action also causing your lips to press further into his. You could feel every dip and curve of his mouth, the sensation making your closed eyelids flutter. Your hands, which had been balled into fists at your sides, latched onto his shoulders, staying there for only a few moments before your fingers slid into his hair. Jongho's arm snaked its way around your waist, pulling your body flush against his. You gasped at his action, noting how strong he was and how tightly he was holding you against him with just one arm.

It was clear Jongho was starting to get comfortable as his kisses got more heated and somewhat sloppy. He began nipping lightly at your bottom lip, letting out quiet sighs when your nails grazed the nape of his neck.

"Keep doing that, pretty." He exhaled against your lips, sending a shiver down your spine and a rush of butterflies to your abdomen.

You boldly grabbed a handful of his hair and gave it an experimental tug, a quiet groan from him vibrating against your lips immediately after. His hand that was cupping the back of your neck dropped to your waist, squeezing your hip tightly. He then took a step forward, backing you against the stone wall behind you.

"You have no idea how long I've dreamt of this." He murmured, placing a kiss on your jawline

Heavy breaths escaped your lips, your chest heaving up and down while attempting to catch your breath. You had no idea Jongho could kiss so passionately... or boldly, and you were pleasantly surprised by this discovery.

"You're not the only one." You confessed.

He lifted his head to meet your gaze.

"I'm not?"

"No."

Jongho knew when you kissed back that it more than likely meant you felt the same about him as he does you, but hearing you practically confess had him reeling. He wanted to hear more.

"It's probably obvious at this point, but I'm head over heels for you, Jongho."

Still under the influence of the potion, Jongho blurted the first thought in his head.

"I love the way you say my name."

His lips were on yours again, hot and heavy. His kisses were desperate and fast-paced, making you weak in the knees. The Babbling Beverage made one speak nonsense and didn't have an effect on how they kissed, so this was all Jongho.

Your fingers curled around the collar of his robes, fisting the fabric in desperation while he practically devoured you.

It was at that moment, your foot bumped something on the floor which caused you to part ways. Glancing down, you found Jongho's bag that had been discarded only a few moments earlier lying on its side with something sticking out of it.

"What's this?" You asked, reaching for the object that had fallen out of his bag. It was wrapped in brown paper with twine tied around the it, a sprig of lavender tucked into the bow knotted neatly in the middle.

"Oh." The look on his face told you that it was something you weren't supposed to see.

The effects of the potion seemed to be wearing off as he dropped his head into his hands, letting out a groan of frustration.

"I was supposed to give that to you first, before I confessed." He grumbled, his voice muffled by his palms.

When he lifted his head, he saw that you were smiling.

"You got me something?"

"Yeah, but I messed it all up. I had a plan. Give you the gift, then confess. That stupid potion." He muttered the last part.

He only wanted something to give him a tiny boost of courage and instead he made the wrong thing and made himself babble like a fool. Then again, he did have an incredible makeout session with you, so did everything really go wrong?

"Here." He picked up the item and handed it to you.

You carefully took the gift from him, running your fingertips over the lavender.

"You wrapped it yourself?"

He nodded, holding his hands behind his back and rocking back on his heels.

Plucking the sprig of lavender out of the twine, you undid the knot and pulled back the wrapping. Inside was the leather-bound journal you were admiring at Scrivenshaft's just a day ago.

A quiet gasp left your lips. "How did you know?"

As far as you were aware, Jongho had been looking at inkwells when you were perusing the journals.

"I saw you eyeing it in the shop." He responded, holding back a grin, clearly proud of himself.

"You didn't have to."

"I know."

"Thank you." You embraced him in a one-armed hug. "Also, don't worry about how things went today. I think everything turned out perfect. And if I'm being honest, I really enjoyed that little kiss we shared."

"Little?" He raised a brow.

"Okay, not so little."

"I'd be happy to do it again." He grinned, leaning forward only for you to press your finger to his lips, halting his actions.

"Maybe later. I heard some voices down the hall a few seconds ago. Don't wanna get caught."

He pouted, his pillowy lips pressing against your index finger. Unable to resist his puffed out cheeks and pleading eyes, you let out a short sigh, caving immediately.

"We can go to the library. We're less likely to get caught there."

Jongho nodded vigorously in agreement, taking your hand and pulling you down the corridors towards the library, eager to lock lips with you once again.

Hongjoong ⟡ Seonghwa ⟡ Yunho ⟡ Yeosang ⟡ San ⟡ Mingi ⟡ Wooyoung

Masterlist ᝰ — enjoyed this imagine? reblogs & comments are very much appreciated!

DO NOT steal, plagiarize, copy, repost, alter, or translate my works in any way

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#jongho x reader #choi jongho x reader #jongho x you #choi jongho x you #jongho x y/n #choi jongho x y/n #ateez imagines #ateez oneshot #ateez scenarios #ateez hogwarts au #kpop imagines #kpop oneshots #kpop scenarios

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rawliverandgoronspice · 5 months

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Hello!! I'm back for: more whining about TotK Quest Design Philosophy

I can't reblog a really great post I just saw for some reason (tumblrrrr *shakes my fist*), but hmmmm yeah not only do I completely agree, but I think I might expand on why I feel so much annoyance towards TotK's quest design philosophy at some point, because it does extend past the fundamentally broken setup of trying to punch a pseudo-mystery game on top of BotW's bones, where the core objective was always explicit and centered and stapled the entire world together; or the convoluted and inefficient way it tells its story through the Tears, the somehow single linear exploration-driven quest in the entire game.

Basically: I'm talking about the pointless back-and-forths. There were a lot of them, a lot that acted against the open world philosophy, and almost none of them ever recontextualized the environment through neither gameplay abilities nor worldbuilding nor character work.

I'll take two examples: the initial run to Hyrule Castle (before you get your paraglider), and then the billion back-and-forths in the Zora questline.

I think?? the goal of that initial quest to Hyrule Castle is to familiarize you with the landmark, introduce the notion that weapons rot, tell you about the gloom pits, and also tell you that Zelda sightings are a thing? But to force any of these ideas on you before giving you a paraglider is, in my opinion, pretty unnecessary. I think the reason it happens in that order is to prevent Link from simply pummeling down to the gloom pit under Hyrule Castle and fight Ganondorf immediately while still introducing ideas surrounding the location; but genuinely, the Zelda sighting makes the next events even more confusing? Why wouldn't you focus all your priorities in reaching the castle if you just saw her there? Why lose time investigating anything else? Genuinely: what is stopping you from getting your paraglider and immediately getting yourself back there, plunging into the depths to try and get to the literal bottom of this? (beyond player literacy assuming this is where the final boss would be, and so not to immediately spoil yourself --which, in an open world game, you should never be able to spoil yourself by engaging with the mechanics normally, and if you can that's a genuine failure of design)

I think, personally, that you should not have been pointed to go there at all. That anything it brings to the table, you could have learned more organically by investigating yourself, or by exploring in that direction on your own accord --or, maybe you think Zelda is up there in the castle, and then the region objectives become explicitely about helping you reaching that castle (maybe by building up troops to help you in a big assault, or through the Sages granting you abilities to move past level-design oriented hurdles in your way, etc). Either way: no need to actually make you walk the distance and back, because the tediousness doesn't teach you anything you haven't already learned about traversal in the (extremely long, btw, needlessly so I would say) tutorial area.

But to take another example, I'll nitpick at a very specific moment in the Zora Questline, that is honestly full of these back-and-forth paddings that recontextualize absolutely nothing and teach you nothing you didn't already know. The most egregious example, in my opinion, is the moment where you are trying to find the king, and you have to learn by listening in to the zora children who do not let you listening in.

So okay. I think Zelda is great when it does whimsy, and children doing children things guiding you is a staple of the series, and a great one at that. But here? It does not work for me on any level. Any tension that could arise from the situation flattens because nobody seems to care enough about their king disappearing in the middle of a major ecological crisis, except for children who are conveniently dumb enough not to graps the severity of the situation, but not stressed out enough that it could be construed as a way for them to cope about it and make anything feel more serious or pressing. It feels like a completely arbitrary blocker that isn't informed by the state of the world, doesn't do anything interesting gameplay-wise with this idea, doesn't build up the mood, and genuinely feels like busywork for its own sake.

This is especially tragic when the inherent concept of "the zora king has been wounded by what most zoras would believe to be Zelda and is hiding from his own people so the two factions do not go to war over it" has such tension and interest and spark that the game absolutely refuse to explore --instead having you collect carved stones who do not tell you anything new, splatter water in a floating island, thrud through mud who feel more like an inconvenience than a threat or, hey, listen to children playing about their missing king less than a couple of years after being freed from Calamity Ganon's menace. It feels like level designers/system designers having vague technical systems that are hard-coded in the game now, and we need to put them to use even if it's not that interesting, not that fun or not that compelling. It's the sort of attitude that a lot of western RPGs get eviscerated for; but here, for some reason, it's just a case of "gameplay before story", instead of, quite simply, a case of poorly thought-out gameplay.

Not every quest in the game is like this! I think the tone worked much better in the sidequests overall, that are self-contained and disconnected from the extremely messy main storyline, and so can tell a compelling little tale from start to finish without the budget to make you waddle in a puddle of nothing for hours at a time. It's the only place where you actually get character arcs that are allowed to feel anything that isn't a variation on "very determined" or "curious about the zonai/ruins", and where you get to feel life as it tries to blossom back into a new tomorrow for Hyrule.

But if I'm this harsh about the main storyline, it really is because I find it hard to accept that we do not criticize a structure that is at times so half-assed that you can almost taste employees' burnout seeping through the cracks --the lack of thematic ambition and self-reflection and ingeniosity outside of system design and, arguably at times, level design-- simply because it's Hyrule and we're happy to be there.

There's something in the industry that is called the "wow effect", which is their way to say "cool" without saying "cool". It's basically the money shots, but for games: it's what makes you go "ohhhh" when you play. And it's great! The ascension to the top of the Ark was one of them --breathtaking, just an absolute high point of systems working together to weave an epic tale. You plummeting from the skies to the absolute depths of hell is another one; most of the dungeons rely on that factor to keep your attention; the entire Zelda is a dragon storyline is nothing but "wow effect" (and yeah, the moment where you do remove the Master Sword did give me shivers, I'll admit to this willingly) and so is Ganondorf's presence and presentation in the game --he's here to be cool, non-specifically mean, hateable in a non-threatening way and to give us a good sexy time, do not think about it too hard. What bothers me is that TotK's world has basically nothing to offer but "wow effect"; that if you bother to dig at anything it presents you for more than a second, everything crumbles into incoherence --not only in story, but in mood, in themes, in identity. This is a wonderfully fun game with absolutely nothing to say, relying on the cultural osmosis and aura of excellency surrounding Zelda to pass itself off as meatier than it really is. This is what I say when I criticize it as self-referential to a fault; half of the story makes no sense if this is your first Zelda game, and what little of that world there is tends to be deeply unconcerned and uncurious about itself.

And no, Breath of the Wild wasn't like this. Breath of the Wild was deeply curious about itself; the entire game was built off curiosity and discovery, experimentation and challenge (and I say this while fully admitting I had more fun with the loop of TotK, which I found more forgiving overall). The traversal in Tears of the Kingdom is centered around: how do I skip those large expanses of land in the most efficient and fun way possible. How do I automate these fights. How do I find resources to automate both traversal and fights better. It's a game that asks questions (who are the zonais, who is Rauru and what is his deal, what is the Imprisoning War about, where is Zelda), and then kind of doesn't really care about the answers (yeah the zonais are like... guys, they did a cool kingdom, Rauru used to run it, the Imprisoning War is literally whatever all you have to care about is who to feel sad for and who to kill about it and you don't get a choice and certainly cannot feel any ambiguous feelings about any of that, and Zelda is a dragon but we will never expand on how it felt for her to make such a drastic and violent choice and also nobody cares that's a plot point you could *remove* from the game without changing the golden path at all).

I'm so aggravated by the argument "in Zelda, it's gameplay before story" because gameplay is story. That's the literal point of my work as a narrative designer: trying to breach the impossibly large gap between what the game designers want to do, and what the writers are thinking the game will be about (it's never the same game). And in TotK, the game systems are all about automation and fusion. It's about practicality and efficiency. It's also about disconnecting stuff from their original purpose as you optimize yourself out of danger, fear, or curiosity --except for the way you can become even more efficient. And sure, BotW was about this too; but you were rewarded because you had explored the world in the first place, experimented enough, put yourself in danger, went to find out the story of who you used to be and why you should care about Hyrule. I'm not here to argue BotW was a well-written game; I think it was pretty tropey at large to be honest, safe for a couple of moments of brilliance, but it had a coherent design vision that rewarded your curiosity while never getting in the way of the clarity of your objective. There is a convolutedness to TotK that, to me, reveals some extremely deep-seated issues with the direction the series is heading towards; one that, at its core, cares more about looking the part of a Zelda game than having any deeper conversation about what a Zelda game should be.

#thoughts #tloz #totk #totk critical #when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#quest design #game design #level design #game criticisim #I think the more time goes on and the more uncomfortable I am with “if the game is fun it's good”#sometimes the game is fun and the game is empty #fun games can be addictive and predatory on purpose #(not saying totk is but it is well known that fun is not a neutral feeling)#fun can also reinforce questionable ideas of what “fun” should even look like #*side-eying CoD and co*#and fun =/= coherent always #if we're talking about games like artpieces #then you don't get to pick and choose which parts matter and which parts don't #you can absolutely say “I resonated with it for X and Y” but to make an argument that people who feel uncomfortable by content #that is in the game!! put in the game!! on purpose!!#is not a very productive attitude let's say

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pathfuckery · 1 year

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Pathfinder 2e New Player Resource Masterpost

Hey there! Looking to get into PF2e? You’re making a great decision, but you may not know where to start! I’ve put together a handy list of resources you can consult while getting into the game. As always, if you ever have questions about PF2e, please don’t hesitate to reach out! I love this system, and I love helping new players!

Official Resources

The Archives of Nethys are the official host for the PFSRD. You can find ALL of the rules of the game for free there. Literally everything that is not Golarian specific is on the Archives, and all of it is laid out incredibly well. It may not look quite as flashy as beyond, but its search functions and layout are superior.

If you buy one product from Paizo as you get started, I HAVE to recommend to BEGINNER BOX. This thing is fantastic. It simplifies the rules, gives you GORGEOUS character sheets that highlight all of your abilities, and have a fun little adventure that dovetails nicely into either their Troubles in Otari or Abomination Vaults modules. (As someone who has run both of those now, they’re both fantastic as well and I highly recommend them.)

Beyond the Beginner Box, I would also suggest picking up a Core Rulebook. It is true that all of the rules information is already laid out in the Archives, but having a CRB on handd is nice for the art, plus the book is laid out incredibly well. If you can’t afford a CRB at this time, though, you’ll still be good! You might also watch for Humble Bundles, as they often have great Pathfinder packs on there, and sometimes it includes Physical CRBs, in addition to a load of other great PDFs.

When looking to GM, I recommend the following pages in the CRB first. I’ve also linked the corresponding Archive pages:

Introduction, Pages 7-31. This will give you the rundown on key terms, how characters are created, the base flow of the game, and the action system (the best part of pf2e!)

Playing the Game, Pages 443-481. This is the longest section of the rulebook to read, but there’s a lot of great stuff in here. This will give you the rules for checks, combat, conditions, resolving actions, and the differences between encounter, exploration, and downtime mode. The most important is encounter and exploration mode, so you can feel free to only skim the downtime mode section of this part.

The Gamemastering section has a lot of great stuff, but for a GM, your two most important sections will be the following:

Encounter Building, pages 488 and 489. The rules for building encounters work in this system, and they work WELL. Obviously, environment, terrain, and how a specific groups strengths and weaknesses compare to a monster affect things, but if you budget a moderate encounter, it can be expected to be moderate. Just be sure you recognize that Moderate encounters are still meant to be challenging in this system, and Severe encounters are potentially deadly. Extreme encounters should be used incredibly sparingly. Maybe 1 or 2 times per campaign.

DC Charts and Adjusting DCs. Pages 503 and 504. If you ever need a quick DC, these charts are your friend. You don’t need to memorize them, but you’ll want to have them in an easy-to-reference spot.

Youtubers

There are a lot of great youtubers for PF2e. I’ll only be highlighting a few of my favorites here!

How It’s Played is probably the best resource for a new player, and helped me a ton with all of the rules when I started GMing. They do close looks at different subsystems, and clearly break down how the rules apply. You don’t need to watch all of their content before you jump in and play, but if you watch a few of their main series on PF2e between each session, you’ll be a rules master in no time!

I also really enjoy The Rules Lawyer. He always has well-reasoned takes on things going on in the hobby, and and has an enjoyable calm/measured tone. I highly recommend his “Combat Tactics” videos, as he highlights some of the major differences with 5e and what things are now expected to survive. A lot of common 5e tactics are a way to a quick death in PF2e, but you do have the tools to survive!

The final Youtuber I’ll be highlighting is Nonat1s. He’s puts out quite a variety of videos, including skits and other fun things, but is also a wonderful ambassador for the game and gives great character advice as well. I want to highlight his “Welcome to Pathfinder Second Edition” video, which is just perfect!

Other Resources

I can’t create a list of resources without calling out Pathbuilder! It is hands down the best character builder, and its available on desktop and mobile. It’s mostly free, with a small donation being required to unlock premium features. At this time, there is no crossover between the web app and desktop besides being able to save and access characters from google drive.

The Pathfinder 2e Subreddit is a wonderful community of people, and it’s a great place for discussion. There’s weekly question megathreads, discussions about releases, people highlighting great builds and fun things in the system, and it’s probably the quickest place to keep track of announcements. There’s also a lot of love for 3pp there!

Speaking of 3pps, I LOVE the Battlezoo line! One of my players is OBSESSED with dragons, and they have a whole book that was tailor-made for him, and it’s incredibly balanced and fun. They’ve also got a whole bunch of other cool stuff that’s been kickstarted and will be releasing soon.

What VTT should you use if you’re playing online? My hat is thrown into the ring for Foundry VTT. It’s my VTT of choice. It’s wildly powerful with the Pathfinder 2e system, and a wonderful community of devs have gotten the system almost entirely automated so you can focus on RP! It’s a breeze as a GM as well, and the only difficulty is in self-hosting, but even that isn’t too bad. Their site has a great set of guides, starting HERE with the ways you can host. If you choose to self-host, you only need to make a 1-time payment of 50 dollars for the software, and only one person needs to actually do the hosting. Split between a group? That’s incredibly affordable, especially considering there is no subscription!

I’m gonna shout MYSELF out here. I put together a List of Actions you can take in combat that isn’t just moving or attacking. Coming from 5e, it can be easy to get stuck in the loop of move and attack, but there are so many more options, and those options are very crucial. This isn’t comprehensive, but covers the basics characters can have access to with only minor skill investment.

#pathfinder #pf2e #masterpost #ogl #orc #suck it wotc

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sequinsmile-x · 25 days

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Physical Touch

He usually loved when his wife touched him, but it was slowly driving him crazy.

Part of the Love Languages series

-x-

Hi friends!

Well...I should have expected that the smut fic would win the poll by a landslide and here we are haha

I really hope you enjoy this <3 it's soft, smutty and full of Aaron just...pining for his wife. What more could you want on a Thursday evening?

Please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 3k

Warnings: Smut, 18+

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

He’d known she was tactile long before they got together.

Aaron had watched her for years, always ready to place a comforting hand on someone’s shoulder or pull them into a hug. More than once he’d found himself wishing she’d do the same for him, the embargo they’d seemingly placed on physical contact between them a two-way thing, something they both upheld, as if they knew it was a line they could not cross.

He’d held her hand once before they became them. It was when she was in hospital, before she was stable enough to be moved to Bethesda. She’d still mostly been out of it, pain and medication rolling through her in a way he was also familiar with. He’d held her hand, squeezing it tightly as he wore the suit he’d worn to her funeral, a bitter taste on his tongue as he apologised to her. She’d told him since that she thought she’d dreamt it, that she’d pulled him out of her imagination, the warmth of his hand around hers something she’d made up in some strange attempt to self-soothe.

He’d always known she was tactile, but being in a relationship with her was a whole other level he hadn’t been anticipating. She touched him all the time, ranging from subtle moments, like her fingers trailing over his when she passed him a coffee or a case file, or squeezing his knee under the table when they were at Dave’s for dinner, to more obvious moments. She was a snuggler, something he would never have put money on before their first date. She would wrap herself around him like a vine whenever they were alone, her arm linked through his and her head on his shoulder as they sat on the couch, or she could lay half on top of him in bed, her hand sneaking under his t-shirt as she sought his warmth from the source, falling asleep to the comfort of his heartbeat.

He loved it. He loved that his wife expressed her love that way, that she’d push his hair out of his face as she told him he needed a haircut, that she also loved their children in the same way. It’s one of the reasons he knew Jack and Violet always sought her out for comfort, her embrace was his place of safety too, something so calming about something as simple as her cheek against his shoulder that he wondered how he'd ever lived without it.

He usually loved it, but it was slowly driving him crazy.

He’d dislocated his shoulder in a takedown of an unsub two months ago. The injury had torn his rotator cuff and he’d needed surgery, a simple relocation of his shoulder joint not enough. He could still remember the fear in Emily’s eyes when he’d come round from surgery, how she was barely holding herself together, her grip on his wedding ring that he’d had to take off so tight the imprint lasted for hours. His shoulder had been immobilised with strict instructions on how to make sure he healed properly, and the only time his wife ever paid attention to medical advice to the letter was when it was for him or one of the kids, which had led to one, unfortunate, side effect.

Aaron hadn’t had sex with his wife in two months.

He missed her. She was right by his side, but he missed her. Missed the intimacy that had always been an important part of their relationship. Every tiny thing about her was getting to him the longer they went without having sex. Her beauty was bordering on obscene, as it always had, and his breath would catch in his chest whenever he looked at her, or if she walked by and he caught a sniff of her perfume, the scent he knew was simply her always following just afterwards. Even watching her with Jack and Violet, watching how good a mother she was filled his gut with want, with the desire to have more children with her as soon as possible.

The touching was, however, by far the worst. Every time she touched him he felt his skin fizz, sparks set off just by the feel of her skin against his, and he was close to losing his mind.

He hears a knock on his office door and he looks up, a smile immediately breaking out across his face when he sees Emily standing in the doorway, her arms crossed as she casually leans against the door frame.

“Hey honey,” she says, stepping into the office, “Are you ready to go? We, and by we I mean you, promised Vi we’d pick up some dessert on the way home.”

He chuckles as he thinks about his 2, almost 3, year old daughter. She was a mini Emily through and through, right down to the big dark brown eyes he couldn’t say no to. He stands up and starts to put some paperwork in his briefcase, and he raises his eyebrow at his wife as he looks up at her.

“You say that like you can say no to her,” he quips, stepping out from behind his desk and walking over to her, quickly stamping his lips against hers.

She hums and kisses him again, her hand hooking around the back of his head, making him shiver as she scratches lightly at his scalp, “We both know I’m the bad cop at home, baby,” she says, kissing him once more before she pulls back, “One of us has to be.”

He laughs, the sound dying in his throat when she reaches out and places her hand on his chest, rubbing gently at the lapel on his jacket. He can feel her touch through his clothes, her skin somehow burning him through his jacket and his shirt, and he tenses before he can control it. Emily frowns at him, her eyebrows pinching together as she pulls back.

“You had some lint on you,” she explains, pressing her lips together as she looks him up and down, her eyes slightly narrowed as she tries to figure out what's wrong, “Aaron are you okay? Is your shoulder bothering you?”

It’s not a lie, not really, because his shoulder was sore. A now familiar ache that got worse throughout the day, radiating outwards from the new scar he bore. It was easier than explaining to her how he was feeling, less embarrassing than admitting he wanted her so much he was thinking about pushing everything off his desk right here and now.

There were still two weeks until the doctor’s initial advice would run out, and he knew it was going to be the longest two weeks of his life.

“Yeah,” he says, smiling softly at her, rolling his shoulder slightly, “It just aches a bit.”

She hums and places her hand on it, her concern deepening when he tenses again, “How about when the monsters are in bed I give you a massage?”

He falters for a moment, sure that would be his undoing, but instead, he nods and decides to deflect as he places his hand on her lower back and guides her out of his office.

“Why do you get to call them monsters, but I don’t?” He asks, knowing exactly what her answer is going to be.

She scoffs playfully and looks up at him, her eyes narrowed, “Because one of them came out of me.”

___

By the time they get the kids to bed, he thinks she’s forgotten. The evening had passed them by with homework, bath time, and bedtime stories, a wonderfully normal evening they both once thought they’d never get.

He walks into their bedroom to find her kneeling on the bed, wearing one of his t-shirts and a tiny pair of shorts sticking out from underneath, with a bottle of lotion in hand.

She smiles at him, popping open the lid on the lotion as she beckons him over, “Come on, honey,” she says, “I promised you a massage.” She sees the slight hesitation before he walks over, and she hides a smirk by clearing her throat. He sits on the edge of the bed and she rolls her eyes, placing the lotion on the bed before she runs her hands over his shoulders, her fingers meeting at his neck as she starts to undo his shirt buttons, “This works better if you don’t wear your shirt.”

He nods and helps her get his shirt off, grateful that he’d slipped his tie off when he got home earlier, and he lets the shirt fall to the ground. She puts some of the lotion into her hands and rubs them together before she touches him, warming her palms and the lotion at the same time.

It’s only when she starts spreading it on his skin, her touch firm but gentle as she pushes her thumbs into his bad shoulder, that he realises she’s using her lotion. One that had a slight spice to it, a scent of cinnamon that followed her everywhere that was now permeating into his skin. He groans, his teeth clenched as he breathes her in, widening his legs as his pants get tighter.

She frowns, ready to pull away just in case she is hurting him, but then she looks over his shoulder, her lips pressed together as her cheeks flush when she sees the tenting of his pants. She makes a snap decision, wiping her palms on her shirt to get rid of the excess lotion before she climbs out from behind him.

“What are you doing?” He asks, his eyebrow raised as she kneels on the floor in front of him, her hands already on his belt, undoing it quickly.

“Come on, Aaron,” she says, unbuttoning his pants and moving them and his boxers just far enough to free him, “It hasn’t been that long,” she says, smiling in a way that seemed far too innocent for where her hand was, “I’ve seen how you’ve been looking at me,” she says, pumping him up and down, “Let me help.”

He nods, not needing any convincing, and his eyes drift shut as she leans forward and takes him in her mouth. He wraps his fists around the sheets of the bed so tightly he thinks they might rip.

“Fuck, Em. You’re so good at that,” he says, unable to stop himself from thrusting into her throat, the pressure that had been building him in for weeks threatening to blow, “So fucking good.”

She leans forward until her nose briefly presses against his pubic bone before she pulls back, sucking in a breath before she moves in again, bobbing her head up and down, his chorus of groans her reward. She has to press her thighs together for some friction, so turned on by seeing and hearing him like this that she briefly forgets why it had been so long since they’d done this in the first place. She can feel him start to lose control, his thrusts getting messier, but he stops her, his hand on her shoulder as he encourages her backwards, a desperate look in his eyes.

She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, getting rid of the spit that had connected her lip to the tip of him and she tilts her head, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says, pushing his hands through her hair that he’d clearly messed up, unaware that he’d even grasped it, “I just want to be with you.”

She smiles devilishly, her tongue pressed into her cheek, chasing the taste of him from it, “You are with me.”

He rolls his eyes at her. He’d missed this too, the ease that came with being with her like this, the familiarity to it. It could be rough, passionate. Tearing each other’s clothes off. Or it could be soft. Full of love and hands pressed together as they showed each other how much they loved each other.

“You know what I mean, sweetheart,” he says, and she smiles and nods, standing up from where she’d been kneeling. She pulls his pants off the rest of the way and then stands up, ready to straddle him, her desire making her dizzy. It’s only when she leans in to kiss him, her gaze briefly lingering on the new scar on his shoulder, and everything comes back into sharp focus.

“Wait,” she says breathlessly, pulling away from him, “We shouldn’t do this, your doctor-”

“Sweetheart,” he cuts her off, barely recognising his own voice because of how thick it is with desire, rough and gravelly as he stares at her, “You started this.”

She scoffs, “I started this? You’re the one who got an erection when I just barely touched your shoulder.”

In any other circumstance, he’s sure he’d laugh. It was so like her to try and start an argument in the middle of sex it made him fall in love with her even more, a feat that always seemed impossible until it happened. He pulls her closer, grateful not for the first time this evening that it wasn’t his dominant shoulder that had been injured, “Because you’re so fucking gorgeous I couldn’t take it anymore.”

She swallows thickly and looks him up and down, desire sparking under her skin. It had been a long two months for her too, her frustration at not being able to have him so intense she’d yelled at Derek twice in the last week alone when he hadn’t deserved it.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she admits, her voice cracking slightly. He smiles softly, the pent-up, overwhelming, need for her fading for a moment as he reaches out and cups her cheek, tucking some of her unruly hair behind her ear.

“You never could.”

She thinks about it for a moment before she nods leaning forward to stamp her lips against his before she briefly gets off the bed, dropping her shorts to the ground, “Lean up against the headboard.”

He does as he’s told, and she pulls a pillow from her side of the bed and slots it between his bad shoulder and the headboard, smiling softly when he stamps a grateful kiss against her lips. She sits on his lap, groaning as she notches over him, a noise he returns when he feels just how wet she is.

“Fuck, Em,” he says, his hands on her hips as she pulls her t-shirt off, “I’ve barely even touched you.”

“Yeah, well” she breathes out, rocking her hips over him, “You’re not the only one who’s been missing this,” she says as she wraps her hand around him to guide him into her.

They both groan as she sinks onto him, the familiar stretch making them both breathless for a moment.

“Oh fuck,” she says, her eyes rolling back as her head falls backwards for a moment, her hands on his thighs as she clenches around him, the breath stolen from her lungs as she adjusts to him, “God you feel so good.”

“You do too, sweetheart,” he grunts out, encouraging her closer, tugging at her until they are chest to chest, bare skin pressed against each other as he rests his forehead against hers, “You feel so fucking good.”

She cups his cheeks, her hands on either side of his face as she keeps her forehead against his and starts to rock her hips against his, a sound she could only call a relieved chuckle escaping her as he meets her thrust for thrust.

They fall into a familiar rhythm, a sense of desperation woven through it, their eyes locked together as they both move, lost in the feel of each other. Eventually, he feels her hips start to stutter, and her thighs tremble around him. He reaches between them with his good hand and rubs circles on her clit, smiling as she mewls at him, the sound close to obscene as she buries her face in his neck, just about able to remember their children were sleeping down the hall.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he says, increasing the pressure on her clit, feeling his own orgasm within reach, “Come for me. Let me feel it.”

She clenches her teeth tightly as she comes, stopping herself from screaming out as her hips buck against him. A spark goes off in her belly and spreads through her entire body, every nerve ending on fire as it washes over her as she moans his name. He isn’t far behind her, the way she clenches around him as she comes the final push he needs, and he buries his face in the top of her hair, her name lost in the dark locks stuck to her with sweat.

They fall into silence, just the sound of their heavy breathing surrounding them. She’s the first to pull back, smiling lazily at him as she kisses him quickly before she pulls back to look at him, checking him over as if she’s looking for damage. She looks at the scar, placing her hand over it as she still tries to catch her breath, “I hope we didn’t make it worse.”

“It’s fine, baby,” he says, kissing her temple and then her cheek, encouraging her to turn her head so he can capture her lips in a kiss, “Besides, since when were you such a stickler for doctor’s orders?”

She playfully narrows her eyes at him but doesn’t pull back, not wanting to put any space between them yet, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Right,” he says jokingly, stamping a kiss against her lower lip, stuck out in a pout she’d always deny, “So it wasn’t you who I caught trying to drive to the store less than two weeks after she had a c-section? My mistake.”

She blows out a breath and shakes her head at him, her cheeks somehow flushing even though the blush from her orgasm had never gone away, “That was totally different.”

He chuckles and kisses her, properly this time, and he smiles as he pulls back, “Sure, sweetheart. Whatever you say.”

-x-

Tag List:

@ssa-sparks, @ptrckjcne, @lyds102, @glockleveledatyourcrotch, @hotchnissenthusiast, @danadeservesadrink, @ssamorganhotchner, @emilyprentissisgod, @notagentprentiss, @freesiasandfics, @emilyshotchniss, @thecharmingart, @paulitalblond, @hancydrewfan, @camille093, @whitecrossgirl, @moonlight-2-6, @rawr-jess, @florenceremingtonthethird, @jareauswife, @ms-black-a, @beebeelank, @aubreyprc, @zipzapboingg, @psychopath-at-heart, @criminalmindsgonewrong, @fionaloover, @kinqslcys, @prentissinred, @ccmattis-22, @denvivale317, @thrindis, @hotchsguccitie, @cmfouatslota77, @alexblakegf, @aliensaurusrex, @prentissxhotch, @emobabeyy, @victoiregranger, @stormyweatherth, @wanderingdreamer009, @ssablackbird, @luhwithah, @lex13cm, @prentiss-theorem, @dont-emily-me, @mrs-ssa-hotch, @jocyycreation, @itsmytimetoodream, @hotchnissgroupie, @controversialpooh, @capsshinyshield, @canuck-eh

Join my tag list here!

#aaron hotchner #hotchniss fanfic #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner fanfiction #emily prentiss fanfiction #hotchniss fanfiction #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #hotchniss #aaron x emily #hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss smut #aaron hotchner smut #emily prentiss smut

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dnfao3tags · 2 months

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Monthly Fic Roundup - February 2024

haven't been too active this month but here's your monthly recs!

as always, make sure to leave some love :]

— Turning Right on Red by jestbee (expl. | comp. | 4k) ; established relationship + car sex

George's stream has consequences.

— Drumroll, Please by starsgaze (snowdreamr) (gen | comp. | 5k) ; bed sharing + relationship study

Everything it is, and everything it isn’t. A proposal, of sorts. A half confession. Over all, the weight of wanting and the agony of bearing with it. Dream and George, deprived of meaning.

— GeorgeNotFound OnlyFans by Simplysmitten (expl. | comp. | 37k) ; sex work + secret identity

Fresh out of university and struggling to land a job in his field, George finds himself desperate for a way to make ends meet. While his friends have big dreams of blowing up on YouTube, George decides to make an OnlyFans profile. Shockingly, George goes viral on both platforms, making his money troubles a thing of the past, but maintaining his anonymity a constant worry. How funny is it that he manages to make a friend named Clay on both platforms?

— don't know how long it's going to take to feel okay (i had the best day with you today) by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 7k) ; dream's mom + established relationship

Three times George needed a mom and Dream's mom was there for him.

— what i wanted to hear by alisonsomething, dizzy (expl. | comp. | 3k) ; phone sex

George is in Los Angeles and Dream is in Florida. It’s not the first time they’ve been thousands of miles apart, and Dream can’t stop thinking about one very memorable conversation they had shortly before George’s visa was approved.

— Suction by tsundanire (expl. | comp. | 1k) ; nipple play

George trusts Dream completely. Trusts him enough with his most sensitive bits.

— wish that i could step into yours instead by Kore_Writes (teen | comp. | 12k) ; canon compliant + character study

A series of moments in Dream's life that George had always been there for him.

— he loves him more than anyone ever has in the history of man by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 14k) ; pov outsider

dream and george over the years through the perspectives of their friends

— the end of all things by womanhunt (teen | comp. | 9k) ; marriage (eloping)

“We should get married.” The words make Dream choke on the scrambled eggs in his mouth, and George just stares at him blankly as he coughs and takes a drink of his water. And, before he can overthink it, Dream gives in. “Ok, yeah. We should get married,” he nods to himself, reaching out to pull George’s hands apart and link their fingers together. “Did you mean, like, soon? Or?” “I mean, like, today.” George murmurs, eyes still not meeting Dream’s.

— my love by cqfnce (teen | comp. | 8k) ; patches the good cat

dream and george go last-minute shopping for patches' birthday

— daisies, daisies by snowdreamr (expl. | comp. | 15k) ; mpreg + future fic

On secrecy and patience. On learning how to embrace the unexpected.

— this is me trying by dizzy (teen | comp. | 5k) ; mental health issues + hopeful ending

Is this a cage? George's guts rebel against that, too. He fought to be here. This is the freedom from years of locking himself inside. He has no regrets. He doesn’t want anything to be different, except maybe that he could walk into a room without Dream or Sapnap looking at him like he’s not who they thought he was.

— Circling Back by Scoops (consciousness_streaming) (expl. | comp. | 15k) ; identity porn + coworkers

As a remote worker, George's only real friend at Pog Industries is Clay, the marketing genius who skyrocketed up the corporate ladder. Sure, maybe his work bestie is old and really bad at Fortnite, and they've never actually met, but they have each other's backs. And that's what's important. When a position on the Board opens up for George, it's Clay going to their CEO, Badboy Halo, to get him hired in the position. To George's amazement, it works. Now, he's moving to America the night before the infamous Pog Industries Christmas Party, and he's ready to put some names to faces.

— make a home on the cracks by lodestones (teen | comp. | 2k) ; baby fever + developing relationship

He’d be a good dad, Dream thinks—people are always telling him he’ll be good at it. It’s not anything all-consuming, but it’s a fantasy he still returns to every once in a while, dancing in the back of his mind whenever little kids approach him and ask for a picture. He catches himself daydreaming about it at least a thousand times more often after the first time he watches George interact with younger fans.

— George Not Found Is Stupid and Hides His Pregnancy From Dream For Two Whole Months by mario anon and apple anon (teen | comp. | 4k) ; mpreg

Hes pregnant it is all i know how to write

— executive session by dizzy (expl. | comp. | 1.7k) ; exhibitionism

Dream is a senate intern, and George is the guy he's about to fuck on the senate floor.

note: i've been fucking WAITING for someone to write a fic on this

— no thing's so sure that i can't learn to doubt it by brokenlikeastitch (teen | comp. | 11k) ; professors au

The closer he gets to George’s door, the louder the crying gets, and when he finally reaches the open doorway, he glances in to see a girl sitting across the desk from George, practically hyperventilating. In all of his years of teaching, with all of the students he’s had upset with him, Dream is pretty sure he’s never had a student this upset with him. He wonders if George is, like, torturing his students.

— The need to know by tsundanire (expl. | comp. | 5k) ; dick measuring

DRICK vs GRICK

— dear future husband by dizzy (expl. | comp. | 3k) ; breeding and housewife kink

Dream tells George that since he isn't paying rent he should at least be putting dinner on the table... and George decides to prove him right.

— it is not about me being gay with george by alisonsomething (teen | comp. | 2k) ; insecurity + miscommunication

Dream’s latest TikTok makes George angry enough to confront him about it.

— Honeysuckle Jam by gottagetshiver (expl. | comp. | 71k) ; omegaverse

George has terrible heats, he always has. He'd thought that after years of peace on suppressants, he's be done with them forever. It works, until it doesn't. The doctor says his best chance at fixing his terrible heats is having an alpha with him, and it just so happens that Dream is an alpha. It'll be easy, right? Dream will help him through his heat, and he'll be fixed. The fact that George is madly in love with Dream won't complicate matters at all, right? It won't upend their lives and throw them into chaos, right?

note: published last month but finished this month so im including it

#dnf #dreamnotfound #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #dnf fanfic recs #dnfao3tags recs #mfr #mfr feb 2024 #monthly fic roundup

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violetsaffron5 · 8 months

Text

NSFW Gojo Week (1)

Ao3 • Discord 18+ • Social Media • Series Masterlists

Pairing: Gojo x f!Reader

A night off work leads you and your work crush to finally meet up for a steamy rendezvous

cw: exhibitionism, light degradation, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, facial

words: 1.7k

Masterlist • Day 2

Check out the links below for more info!

Tumblr - Link to all 2023 Gojo NSFW Week works!

Carrd - For guidelines/rules, AO3 Collection, etc.

Twitter - Give us a follow!

CuriousCat - For any questions you may have!

As a sorcerer, you don’t get many nights off, nights to do whatever you please without a care in the world.

Tonight is one of those nights. The lights of the small club you’re in flash green, red, purple, and blue all around you. Shoko wanted to use the opportunity to go out, have some fun, and relieve some stress, so she invited you, Utahime, and Satoru, and even got Nanami to come along.

It’s been busy for everyone the last several months. Fighting curses, and spending time healing; Shoko having a multitude of sorcerers to care for, along with surgeries.

The bass of the music vibrates from the soles of your feet through every hair follicle at the top of your head, sending a tingling sensation throughout your body as red, green, purple, and blue lights flash over your face, through the sea of people dancing.

You’re dancing with Satoru; he has one of his large hands splayed on your exposed stomach, just under your crop top while his other rests at your hip while you press your ass into him.

You might have a little, teeny, tiny work crush on him, and you’re pretty sure he has one on you too. He’s never been one to hide how he feels, but he’s also flirty with everyone, including Nanami, so it’s hard to really know.

Either that or he just really wants to fuck you.

Your hand is wrapped around his neck, nails scratching at his undercut as you move your hips together. And judging by the way Satoru’s dancing with you, the rumors must be true.

Of course, you’ve heard them, everyone has.

Gojo fucks so good, it’s actually insane.

I’ve never cum so many times in my life, and that tongue, oh my god.

He has the biggest dick I have ever seen… I should call him again, actually.

The two of you have had some… tense moments, to say the least. A few flirty grins here in there that have been met with your lips ghosting one another on several occasions.

But each time it has been met with an interruption. Someone walking into the room looking for one of you, or a phone call about an urgent mission. Each time it happens, it leaves you craving more, wondering when your lips will finally meet, and if it will it be as incredible as you’ve heard.

Satoru leans down, you can feel his warm breath tickling your neck and the shell of your ear. It sends a chill right down your spine, straight to your core. Tilting your head to the side, you’re met with his azure half-lidded gaze.

Your eyes flicker between his and his lips several times, and just as your lips ghost one another you can hear your name being called.

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath to steady yourself before turning to see Shoko calling you over to take a few shots with her.

Satoru rolls his eyes as you groan in annoyance at once again being separated at the last moment. He removes his hands from your hips and stomach, stuffing them into his pocket, diligently following you back to the private booth you have for the night.

Shoko already has the shots ready, handing one to everyone who clinks their little glasses together before downing them. Satoru winces and you quickly grab another drink to use as a chaser, trying to rid the taste of alcohol on your tongue.

You take a seat next to Satoru who pulls you in closer to him by wrapping his arm around your shoulder, letting his thumb gently rub against your skin with light, featherlike touches that send a jolt straight to your core.

As everyone engrosses in conversation, you turn your head towards Satoru when he speaks, letting your nose run along the length of his jaw. Pressing your forehead into his cheek, you turn to see Shoko eyeing you with a raised eyebrow as your cheeks heat and you clear your throat.

“I’m, uh, gonna head to the bathroom really quick.”

The wetness between your thighs is absolutely unreal and becoming increasingly uncomfortable. You can feel Satoru’s gaze on you as you walk away and you turn back, biting your lip only to see his eyes trailing down to your ass slowly before coming back up, meeting you with a sultry grin.

Once inside the bathroom, you close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself of something that might not even happen tonight, or ever, if the universe has anything to say about it.

Standing at the mirror, you run your hands through your hair quickly just as the door opens. You expect to see Shoko walking through the door, but instead, you’re met with a tall head of ivory hair and crystalline eyes surrounded by soft snowy lashes.

“Fancy meeting you here,” You say playfully as he walks up behind you, tilting his head to stare at your ass as you lean forward just enough for your asscheeks to peek out from under your skirt, pretending to fix your lipstick in the mirror.

Satoru chuckles but doesn’t say anything as his hands find their way back to your hips, pulling you into him. Your breath hitches when you feel his hardened length under his slacks, encouraging you to grind into him slowly.

“What if someone walks in?”

“Let them.” He whispers in your ear, warm breath sending a chill down your spine as he flips the back of your skirt over your hips, kneading the plush skin of your ass with his large hands before sliding his fingers over your soaked panties and moving them to the side.

He groans when he runs his fingers through your already soaking folds, avoiding your clit, he doesn’t press in, he just teases until you’re whimpering, rutting your ass back into him further, begging for more.

“Satoru, please,” You whine, “If you don’t fuck me right now, I am going to die.”

He chuckles, continuing his teasing, “Guess you’ll just have to die, baby.”

You glare at him through the mirror where he watches as your furrowed brows slowly turn upwards, lips parting slightly when he lets his thumbs press gently to your clit.

“Can’t even wait for me to get you home?” You mewl as he continues his ministrations, “So fucking desperate for me.”

Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he dips two fingers in and you’re already feeling more full and more pleasure than you’ve ever felt before. Leaning back, you rest your head against his shoulder, rocking your hips to the best of your ability, a coil forming in the lowest parts of your belly.

And then he just stops and pulls his fingers out to your dismay.

You glare at him like he’s just shot you, before he tangles his hand in your hair, tilting your head to a better angle, allowing him to kiss and nip down the sides of your neck - he could tell you hours doing your hair, and makeup to look nice tonight.

He’ll gladly ruin both.

Satoru pushes you back over the sink, quickly undoing his belt, letting his slacks fall past his knees with a clatter. When he releases his cock from the confines of his briefs, he taps the leaking tip on your ass a few times before positioning himself at your entrance.

You gasp, pressing your hands to the sink, pushing your ass further towards him. He watches you through the mirror giving a salacious smile and a wink before pushing in all the way to the hilt.

Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath, adjusting to the sheer size of him. With a hand pressed to your stomach, you feel the way his cock bulges as he thrusts into you a few times.

“Look at me,” He commands. Your eyes flutter open, watching him through the mirror as he places one hand on the wall in front of him for support, and you hold onto the sink for dear life, knuckles aching at how hard you’re gripping the ceramic.

He keeps a hand on your hip to help keep you steady, nails digging into the skin as he moves his hand from the wall, tangling it into your hair once again, holding your head back, forcing you to watch as he relentlessly snaps his hips into you.

“You’re making such a mess, baby,” Satoru purrs, watching his slick-coated cock disappear into you with each thrust, watching as your arousal drips down your thigh and onto the tile below, “So fuckin’ tight.”

Leaning forward, he licks and bites down your neck leaving several scraps and marks - proof of your little bathroom rendezvous.

His eyes lock with yours when he feels your walls clamping around his cock like a noose.

“Yes, right there,” You moan as the coil in your lower stomach returns, threatening to snap at any moment.

He groans, unsure of how much longer he’s going to be able to last, “Wanna see you cum, baby. Give it to me. Bet you make the prettiest faces cumming on my cock.”

You’re chanting his name, all Satoru, and yes as the heat in your core erupts and you’re convulsing and spasming around his cock, squeezing him like you want to keep him there forever.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he hisses, pulling out and dragging you down to your knees before you’ve realized what’s happening.

He strokes his cock several times and your eyes widen at the sight. Flushed tip so red and angry, but the prettiest dick you’ve ever seen in your entire life.

You open your mouth, looking so pretty as you place your tongue on the tip of his cock, just as cums all over your tongue and lips, rubbing the tip of his sensitive cock over your tongue, pushing it further into your mouth.

“Swallow.” And you do, licking your lips to make sure you’ve gotten every last drop. Satoru adjusts himself back into his briefs, bending down and placing his lips on yours in a searing, fiery kiss that lets you know he’s nowhere close to being finished with you.

He can taste himself on your tongue but neither of you care.

“I’m gonna text Shoko, tell her I left.”

Satoru clears his throat as he helps you stand, placing an arm around your waist to hold you close, “Call Ijichi too. Tell him you’re taking an extended weekend vacation.”

#jjk fanfic #violetsaffronfic #jjk smut #jjk x reader #gojo satoru smut #gojo smut #gojo x y/n #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x you #nsfwgojoweek2023

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mountttmase · 9 months

Text

A Mountain To Climb: The Sequel

Chapter Four

Note - so this is the Chelsea chapter. If we can just imagine this is set before he moved that would be great 😂 I’d really love some feedback on this so please let me know what you think 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 5.7K

Warnings - series will contain fluff, smut and angst

Masterlist

Nervous.

That was the overwhelming feeling rushing through your veins as you smoothed out your shirt in the mirror, turning round to catch sight of the name and number on the back that sent a flutter through your chest.

Today was a big day, your second game back at the bridge and your first as Masons… whatever you were. You weren’t official, having only been on a handful of dates now but you both knew the pair of you were together, even referring to him as such to a colleague at work and you blushed at the thought of him finding out even though it felt natural.

The only game you’d ever been to was with Freya so you were a bit more stressed this time as you were going with Sophia and you knew it would be a different experience. This time you’d be sat in a box rather than in the stands and you wondered if you should of got changed into something a bit nicer but Freya had reassured you it was just a game not a fashion show and you’d be fine in whatever so you popped on a pair of comfy cargos and grabbed one of Masons hoodies you’d stolen before making sure your hair was how you wanted it.

You quickly put your phone into your bag and locked up your flat before flying downstairs to jump into Sophia’s car. You gave her a big smile that she returned, her eyes scanning over your shirt as she giggled before your eyes fell to her matching one.

‘We’ll have to have a picture taken, the Chelsea wives’ she giggled as she started the car

‘I think it’s a bit early to start calling me his wife, we’re not even official yet’

‘Oh shush, it’s only a matter of time. Pretty sure Kai referred to you as his girlfriend the other day so Mason must be fine with it. Anyway are you excited for the game?’

‘Yeah, I mean I barely know what’s happening but I’ve never been in a box before’

‘Don’t worry, I’m a seasoned veteran. Stick with me and you’ll be fine’ she reassured you so that’s exactly what you did, linking arms so you didn’t get lost as she lead you to your box. You could see at lot more from up here and you sat chatting away until you watched the boys run out for their warm up.

You knew Mason was concentrating so you didn’t mind him not looking your way but as they started to head in you watched his head whip up to you, a warm smile on his face as he sent you a wave that you returned but you stared at him in confusion as he made a twirly motion with his finger. You were unsure of what he wanted before you realised he was asking to see his name on the back of your shirt. You turned around slightly to let him see it and you watched his smile grow, blowing you a kiss before he was hurried inside and you took your seat again.

‘I miss the honeymoon phase. Kai never blows me kisses anymore’ Sophia sulked just as a few of the other girls turned up. Sophia gave you a quick introduction and you tried to act normal and relax but you immediately felt awkward. You’d always been a little insecure but around big groups of gorgeous girls, who wouldn’t be, but this felt different. This was a whole new world for you and you felt yourself shrinking as you took them in. Head to toe in designer clothes that you could only imagine the price of and as everyone chatted away you could only sit and think about how embarrassed Mason would be when he saw you later.

It wasn’t just the clothes though, you’d gotten better about being around other people, no longer shutting everyone out but it was at times like this, surrounded by lots of people that you didn’t really know that made you panic. In your head everyone hated you and deep down you were overwhelmed about how many new people you were suddenly letting in to your life like never before. You felt wondering what everyone thought of you, the rude scruffy girl that doesn’t talk to anyone and even though you knew it was a little bit silly but you couldn’t stop the thoughts rushing through your brain.

‘I um, I’m just going inside for a sec’ you told Sophia quietly. ‘I won’t be long’ and with that you shuffled back through the doors, not heading in any particular direction but just away from everyone so you could find a quiet corner to catch your breath for a second. Everywhere was packed though and you could feel your breathing becoming laboured as you freaked out internally, eventually making a beeline for a corridor you knew you weren’t meant to go down but you didn’t care in this particular moment. You just needed to feel safe and this seemed like the most logical option.

You could hear the muffled sounds of people at the other end behind a closed door but you couldn’t see anyone so you sunk to the floor, putting you head in between your knees so you could take some breaths and calm yourself down. It was like you couldn’t get a breath in and you knew your eyes were filled with tears but you forced yourself to count to ten in some attempt to calm yourself and you could feel your breathing start to even out.

‘Y/n? Is that you?’ You suddenly heard, whipping your head around to see Woody stood where you’d just come from, a look of concern on his face and you felt relief flood your veins at the sight of him. You’d met Woody a couple of times at Masons house recently and you knew Mason had opened up to him about you in the past but he’d always been nothing but sweet every time you’d seen him, even teaming up with you to tease Mason over silly things and you were thankful Mason had a friend like him.

‘H-hey, I um, I needed some air and I got a bit lost’ you told him, scrambling to stand up as he gave you a reassuring smile.

‘That’s alright. You’re sat in the box, right?’ He questioned and you sent him a small nod. ‘Me too, come on. I’ll come sit with you yeah?’

‘Yeah, t-thanks Woody’ you nodded shakily as you followed him back out. You noticed the game had already started but it was only a few minutes you’d missed and your eyes scanned the pitch to try and find Mason as Woody took up the free seat next to you. It didn’t take long to catch his eyes as he was was periodically looking up but you watched his shoulders relax once he smiled at you.

The game was long and intense with nothing to separate the two teams in the end. A goalless draw that you could tell Mason was unhappy with but at least it wasn’t a loss this time. You followed everyone out, throwing Masons hoodie on as you went so you could make your way to the players lounge to wait for him and as soon as you as you got into the lift with Woody you felt a text come through, opening your phone to see a message from Freya. She was currently out shopping for dresses for her graduation ball and asked if you could approve of her choices.

‘Hey woody? Are you single?’ You asked, following him over to one of the comfy chairs and taking a seat next to him.

‘Y/n I’m flattered, but I think Mason would kill me’ he joked and you rolled your eyes as his attempt at humour.

‘I’m not asking for me you wombat’ you laughed, quickly pulling up the same picture of Freya for him to see. ‘This is my best friend’ you told him, watching his eyes widen as his cheeks grew slightly pink at the sight of her. You knew that look, it was the same one Mason gave you often and caused a lightbulb to go off in your head.

‘She’s very pretty but I get the feeling she’d eat me alive’

‘Yeah you’re probably right’ you laughed ‘She’s a bit of a handful’ you told him but you knew Freya needed someone to soften her up a little bit and Woody seemed like a nice choice. She was still upset that Ben was off the market now and you’d made it your mission to try and find her a date a least but maybe Woody was just a bit too sweet for her. ‘I’m just popping to the loo’ you whispered, slotting passed him so you could make sure you looked presentable for when Mason came out, even though you felt anything but and when you rounded the corner on your way back out you saw him with Woody. There was a concerned look painted on his face and you knew why as soon as Woody nodded his head to the corridor he’d found you in earlier. ‘Fuck sake Woody’ you breathed, hoping to of kept your little episode to yourself earlier but you knew Mason knew now so you dusted yourself off and walked over like nothing was wrong.

‘Hey’ he smiled softly as soon as he saw you, his eyes lighting up as he held his out his arm out for you to tuck yourself under and he kissed your forehead gently as you settled into his side. All feelings of being insecure now out the window as you watched the loving smile spread over his face.

‘Hey Mase, good game’

‘Could of been better but it’s fine’ he smiled before his eyes were back on Woody. ‘So I’ll see you in the morning yeah?’

‘Yeah just text me when you’re up’ he nodded before smiling at you. ‘Was good to see you y/n, I’ll see you guys around’ he told you and after a quick goodbye he was gone, leaving you and Mason alone. The pair of you hadn’t spoken about what you were doing after the game, assuming he would want to go home and rest but now you were in his embrace you weren’t sure you wanted to leave him.

‘You coming back to mine?’ He whispered into your hair and you felt your body erupt in goosebumps as soon as he spoke, pulling back to look at his soft smile.

‘I didn’t know if you’d want me to’ you laughed and he rolled his eyes playfully as he squeezed your shoulder. ‘I thought you might be tired and want to be alone’

‘You really are a funny one’ he laughed, removing himself from you so he could grab your hand. ‘Of course I want you to, I need a cuddle and some tlc’ he told you jokingly, pulling you by the hand to the exit where his car was. He was quiet the whole ride but you knew he was just thinking about the game so you kept quiet too, returning the small smile he gave you when you were almost back at his.

‘You hungry or anything?�� He asked as he lead you into the kitchen. ‘I can cook for us or we could order something’

‘I can cook for us, Mase. You’ve been running about for ages I bet that’s the last thing you wanna do’

‘I don’t mind’ he told you, holding you by your cheeks so he could kiss you softly for the first time that day. ‘You know I’d do anything for you’

‘How about we do it together’ you reasoned, leading him over to the fridge where you got a few things out to make some pasta dish you always had at home and he seemed happy enough to take your lead and chop what you told him too. You saw his eyes light up again when you finally took his hoodie off before coming to help him, kissing your cheek as you came to stand next to him and you could tell how happy he was with his name on your back.

‘You wanna sit on the sofa? Or I could go set our table up in the other room?’ He winked and your heart tugged at the memory of having dinner with him after work that one time.

‘The sofa’s fine’ you told him, knowing he’d probably still not be in the mood to talk all that much and at least you could watch tv on the sofa and not try to force him to speak. In the end he put some random show on Netflix on as you ate, and just as you had suspected he was quiet throughout until you’d both finished. Soon after he took your plate out so he could stack everything in the dishwasher before coming back to join you.

‘Come here, I need a cuddle’ he whispered, holding his arms out for you to climb into. ‘Sorry if I’ve been a bit quiet, I just get a bit grumpy when games don’t go my way’

‘It’s okay’ you reassured him, holding him tighter and kissing his chest. ‘I understand’

‘I need to ask you about something actually’ he said, pulling back so you could look at each other and your tummy gave a flutter when he tucked your hair behind your ear. ‘Don’t be mad at him but Woody told me what happened today. That he found you in the corridor?’ he told you softly and you couldn’t look at him anymore, hiding your face out of embarrassment as you knew he was going to make you speak about it. ‘What happened baby? Talk to me’

‘It was nothing-‘

‘Don’t say that’

‘I’m just at bit embarrassed’ you laughed, looking up to him again but his kind expression softened you. ‘I guess I’m just not used to being around so many people, like that many girls? And they’re all dressed so nice and I’m sat there looking like this’ you laughed softly but he looked at you confused. ‘I just got it in my head that they all hated me and i didn’t fit in so I made a run for it’ you laughed as his hand came up to stroke your cheek. ‘ I didn’t know where I was going and I got a bit lost I guess. I just wanted a bit of quiet so I could get my breath back and my head together but Woody found me at the worst possible time’

‘Well I’m glad he did. He seemed a really concerned when he told me, I think you really freaked him out’ he laughed.

‘I’ll make it up to him’ you winked as he tickled your sides and the horrified look on Masons face made you realise what you’d said sounded like something completely different.

‘You bloody will not’

‘Not like that you perv, I was thinking of something else’

‘Not to sure I wanna know. And anyway don’t change the subject’ he scolded lightly, ‘Are you sure you’re alright?’

‘I’m fine I promise. I just had a moment. I’m still trying to adjust to… everything, you know? Trying to let people in and be normal but I don’t feel like I fit in sometimes. Like seeing everyone looking how they did I just thought you might be a bit embarrassed of me’ you laughed. ‘I’ll get there but it’s hard to change the habit of a lifetime. My instinct is to block people out but I don’t want to come across as rude’

‘I know’ he told you, kissing your forehead. ‘But you know I don’t give a shit about what you wear, right? And I could never be embarrassed of you, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world to me. If anything I prefer you dressed like this than some of the shit I see the others in’

‘Really?’ You laughed, tears stinging in the backs of your eyes but you held them in.

‘Of course. I like you for who you are not what you’re dressed in and I thought you looked sexy as hell today he winked before letting out a big yawn. ‘Shit sorry, it’s been a long day’

‘That’s okay, I can get going if you want’

‘No wait’ he told you, eyes scanning your face quickly before looking into your eyes. ‘Will you stay? Like here, tonight. With me?’

‘What like sleep over?’ You asked, unsure as to what he meant as he was stumbling over his words a bit.

‘Yeah. If you want to that is’

‘I’d love to but don’t have anything thing with me’

‘That’s okay, you can borrow something of mine to sleep in and I’ve got loads of toiletries and stuff in the guest room you can use’

‘I hope that doesn’t mean I have to sleep in the guest room’ you joked as he pulled you up but he just shook his head with a laugh, leading you upstairs and into the main bathroom. He showed you where everything was before starting the shower up for you so it could warm up before dropping a kiss on your forehead.

‘I’ll go find you some stuff to wear, yeah? I’ll leave it on the side just put on whatever you’re comfortable in’

‘Thank you’ you told him shyly and he smiled down at you before pulling you into a hug.

‘Anything for you’ he whispered and you were so close to asking him to stay and shower with you but something held you back. ‘I’m just over the hall when you’re done, I’ll leave my door open’ he told you and with that he was gone.

You hadn’t heard him come in but when you got out of the shower there was a neat pile of his things next to the sink and once you were dry you pulled on his top and a pair of his boxers before padding over to his room. It was the first time you’d been up here and you felt almost like you were intruding even though the door was open so you gave it a gentle knock in hopes in could hear you.

‘Come in’ he sung with a gentle laugh, and and you felt yourself blush as you poked your head around the door, feeling a little silly now as you made your way over to him with a few of the other things he’d left out for you bunched up in your arms. ‘Well don’t you look cute’ he winked as he emptied your arms and popped everything back in his wardrobe. It was only then you realised he was only in a pair of boxers himself and your mouth went dry as your eyes raked over his body.

Including your little McDonald’s trip, you’d been on six dates with Mason however nothing had progressed passed a steamy kiss at the end of the night. It’s not like you both hadn’t had the chance to take things a bit further but Mason always had an early morning or somewhere to be. At first you didn’t think anything of it, he told you he wanted to take things slowly and you understood why but at this point you figured it might be something more. If anything you were surprised he’d even asked you to stay tonight. You knew you needed to talk to him about it and you told yourself if he didn’t try anything tonight then you would, not sure how long you could go without having him in some way when he was looking the way he was.

‘You okay, love?’ He asked, making his way back to you, his hands on your hips so he could pull you into his body and you shivered and your fingers touched the warm skin of his chest.

‘Yeah, I’m fine’ you whispered shyly before he bent his head to place a soft kiss on your lips.

‘I know it’s early, but do you wanna get in?’ He asked, nodding towards his bed and the pair of you climbed in. Your hopes of anything further happening though were soon dashed when he rested his head on your chest and cuddled into your side so he could get comfortable before shutting his eyes. ‘Night babe’ he yawned but you knew your voice would betray you so you just kissed his forehead in hopes that would be enough.

You felt a bit silly, getting upset at the fact he seemingly didn’t want to sleep with you but it was more than that. You understood things had ended in the worst possible way the first time you’d slept together but now it felt like he didn’t trust you and you couldn’t even speak to him about it. You weren’t sure if he was fully asleep but his breathing was slow so you carefully pushed him off and rolled over to face away from him before you felt the tears that had welled in your eyes eventually spill out.

It wasn’t long before you heard Mason sigh behind you, shuffling a little until his chest hit your back but you buried your face in the pillow so he couldn’t see you.

‘Hey, what’s up?’ He asked gently, kissing your shoulder as he stroked your side but when you didn’t answer him he nestled his head into your neck. ‘It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I think I know what it is’ he sighed, sounding defeated. ‘It’s not that I don’t want you, trust me I really fucking do. I just…’ he trailed off, sounding a bit upset himself and you quickly turned to look into his glossy eyes.

‘Tell me what’s wrong’ you whispered, searching his face for some answers but you were coming up short. ‘You can tell me, you know? Even if you think it’ll upset me or whatever I just need us to be on the same page’

‘I know, I just… I’m a bit scared’ he laughed, a few tears escaping that you quickly brushed away. ‘And I know we should of spoken about it before but I didn’t want to make you feel bad or anything’

‘You know I’d never do that to you again’ you whispered, knowing you were both referring to that fateful night. You kissed his nose as he nodded his head in your hand, deep down knowing that you wouldn’t but it was still in his head. ‘I get why you’re scared and I’m so sorry-‘

‘No dont’ he protested, raising up slightly so he could tower over you. ‘You really don’t need to apologise again. I don’t want you to feel like you need to be sorry all the time because I know you are and that you mean it. It’s me, you know? I thought if we took things slowly I’d be fine but I think I’m just overthinking things’

‘I just feel like I’ve ruined this for us’

‘You haven’t ruined anything baby, I swear’ he told you gently, your whole body feeling warm at the sight of his smile.

‘Maybe I’ve been overthinking too. I know it’s just sex and not something to get upset about like I have but when you kept saying you were busy and stuff I thought… I don’t know maybe we were spending all this time together and you didn’t find me attractive anymore or you realised you didn’t like me or… it doesn’t matter. But I need you to listen to me’ you told him, reaching up to hold his face so he could look at you in your eyes. ‘I’m not going anywhere, I swear. You’re my safe place, Mason and I’m not stupid enough to mess that up again’ you told him, both of you silently crying as you tried to reassure the boy in front of you but you could see see him blushing even in the darkness. ‘I know where I belong, Mase and that’s right here with you. I’m so sorry I ever made you doubt that’

You saw him go to say something but he stopped himself, shaking his head lightly before dipping down to kiss you and you hummed appreciatively into his mouth. You thought it would just be a quick kiss but when you felt him move to position himself in between your legs you knew he was about to give you what you wanted and you smiled onto his lips when you felt him press against your core.

‘Maybe we just need to take the plunge and try again?’ He whispered against your neck and you felt the excitement run through you at what he might be propositioning.

He pulled back, shuffling on his knees before pulling you up by your hands so you could sit up and he pulled his top from you in one swift motion before his hands were at his boxers you were currently wearing, tugging them off of you legs so you were laid completely bare beneath him.

‘I can’t believe I made think that you’re not attractive’ he said lowly as his eyes raked over you. ‘You’re fucking perfect to me, I adore every inch of you’ he told you, his lips attaching to your neck as your fingers dived into his hair. ‘I’ve missed your body so much’

‘Mase’ you gasped, but he was quick to kiss you in attempts to silence you.

‘I know baby, just relax’ he whispered, kissing down your body until he got to your core and you felt the excitement bubbling up inside you. He didn’t give you a chance to say anything else before attaching his lips to where you needed and you melted into his touch. It had been so long since you’d felt him and you’d forgotten at how good he was with this tongue.

‘Fucking hell, Mase. You’re so good at that’ you told him as he moaned into you. You chanced a look down and his big brown eyes were already looking up into yours causing a shiver to run through your body which was only made worse when you could tell he was smiling at you. You couldn’t help but push his face further into you as he made you feel good and his grip on your thighs tightened to the point of almost hurting but it only added to your pleasure.

He was taking his time with you, teasing you in a way only he knew how and even though this was the second time you’d been intimate it was like he knew your body already. Knew exactly where to touch you and kiss you and all the right words to help tip you over the edge. It didn’t take much though, you’d been waiting for weeks and you could feel your high bubbling to the surface already. When it finally hit, you squeezed your thighs around his head tightly which caused him to chuckle onto you and the vibrations only made it feel even better.

You didn’t give him a second to think when he eventually pulled away from you, rolling him over and popping yourself into the same position he had just been in so you could return the favour. You didn’t get a chance last time as he had made everything about you and the tent in his boxers was making your mouth water. You gripped the waist of his underwear and pulled them off him when he lifted his hips for you and you smiled at the way he sprung up against his tummy.

‘Sit up for me a little bit’ you told him, and you watched as he shuffled up the bed until his back was comfortable against the headboard. His wide eyes were looking down at you liked you’d cast some sort of spell over him, but he shut them as soon as your lips wrapped around him. You never got a chance to taste him last time since he was so focused on making you feel good but you were hellbent on showing him a good time this time around.

‘My god, y/n. Keep doing that’ he murmured, his hands now in your hair as he brushed it out of your face and you eyes caught his as a string of curse words fell from his pouty lips. ‘Keep going, baby’

You moaned onto him, his hands now slightly moving your head up and down as you spluttered around his length but you pushed through as you wanted to make it as good as you could for him but he was pulling you off soon after.

‘Come up here’ he breathed, pulling you up and helping you straddle him as he wiped your bottom lip and under your eyes before placing a heavy kiss on your lips. ‘You good?’

‘Yeah’ you smiled cheekily whilst rocking your hips over him once and you laughed as his eyes rolled back in his head at the feel of you.

‘You’re trouble’

‘Is that a problem?’

‘Not at all, I can’t get enough of you’ he breathed before kissing you again, his hands on your hips so he could grind you down against him before you couldn’t take it anymore and reached down to line him up with you. ‘Eyes on me, yeah’ he whispered and you rested your forehead on his as you sunk down onto him. You were bouncing up and down on him straight away and you did exactly as he said, keeping your eyes on his and the look on his face was making your tummy churn. ‘That’s it gorgeous, show me how much you want me’

‘Mase’ you whimpered, your hands on his shoulders now moving to his chest as his moved his hands to cup your boobs as he sucked on your neck. You could feel him everywhere, you skin covered in goosebumps as he finally gave you all of him.

‘I’m close baby, keep going’ he told you, his voice strained as his fingers trailed up your back. ‘I know you are too I can feel it’

As soon as Mason started pounding into you from underneath, you knew you didn’t have long left and only seconds later your high was ripping through you, causing Mason to finish just seconds after. You collapsed onto his chest as he wrapped his arms around you so you could get your breath back. His lips started trailing little kisses along your shoulder and you giggled into his neck as his beard tickled you.

‘Let me go get cleaned up and I’ll be back’ you told him once your breathing had returned to normal, and with a quick kiss on your nose, he helped lift you up so you could run off to the bathroom. You took a quick look at yourself in the mirror once you were done but this time you couldn’t stop smiling, itching to get back and into Masons arms. He was laying facing you as you came out and you returned his heartwarming smile as you slipped back under the covers.

‘You okay?’ He whispered, brushing your hair out of your face before pulling you into his arms and you held him back even tighter, hoping to let him know everything was fine.

‘I’m perfect’

‘I know you are’ he whispered and you tried to reply but a huge yawn stopped you. ‘Come on sleepy face, let’s get some shut eye’

‘Okay’ you laughed, kissing him softly as you both got settled. ‘Night Mase, see you in the morning’

‘Night beautiful’

The next morning you were awake before Mason and you used this to your advantage so you could spend a bit of time looking at him. He looked so cute as he laid there, blissfully unaware of how much your heart fluttered at the sight of his furrowed brows and pink lips that you wanted to kiss more than anything.

The urge to make him breakfast filled your mind so you sneakily got out of bed and put on his shirt before raiding his fridge and cupboards for something to make him but you didn’t get much of a chance to look before he was hurrying into the kitchen and wrapping you up in his arms.

‘Mase? What’s wrong?’ You laughed, pulling back to look at him but the look of relief on his face made you curious.

‘What are you doing down here?’

‘I was going to make you breakfast’ you laughed as he shut his eyes and shook his head.

‘You weren’t there when I woke up’ he said quietly and your heart sunk as he thought you’d gone again. You felt your eyes well up a little bit as he pulled back to look at you. ‘Sorry baby, please don’t get upset. It’s me being silly’ he reassured you as he pressed little kisses all over your face in attempts to cheer you up a slightly. ‘Why don’t I make you breakfast, yeah? Anything you want’

‘It’s fine’ you laughed, holding him by his cheeks so you could look at each other and let him know it didn’t matter but he must of been able to see right through you.

‘Please don’t get upset. It’s a me problem not a you one I promise’ he whispered into your hair as you fell against him, a sadness swimming through you at how panicked he’d been.

‘Yeah but I caused it’

‘And trust me I’ll be causing a lot of problems for you too’ he laughed kissing your forehead as you felt yourself smile slightly. ‘Now, what’s do you want me to make you for breakfast?’

‘We were pretty good at making dinner together last night so maybe we can do breakfast together’ you reasoned

‘Sounds perfect’ he smiled, dipping down to kiss you sweetly.

Tagged: @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @footiehoemcfc @mm-vii

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