#i still try to find my place

[darthkieduss]

Autistic MFers with ADHD will write in our journals in long paragraphs about their spiritual beliefs and political convictions but relegate personal life stuff as a footnote. Like I went on a rant in my journal about I had lost faith in the capitalist system and ended it with "also I Got a girlfriend now. [her name]. 1/22/2019"

Even in a private journal, we keep private shit to ourselves, least our future selves look at our own words in judgement.

#adhd #adhd and autism #journals #Journal entry #diary #dear diary #as i burn another page #as i look the other way #i still try to find my place #in the diary of jane #Diary of Jane #Breaking Benjamin #lol

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Vine_Boom.mp3

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #song lan #a-qing #xiao xingchen #xue yang #The scene where Song lan sees Xue Yang is supposed to be dark and dramatic but there's something about the whiplash of emotions- #-that makes me lose my mind!! That's *HIS* bestie!!! Back off bitch!! #Poor guy wandering around for years looking for his amiguito only to find him with the guy that split you apart in the first place #XY wasn't even trying to flaunt it on purpose. He was just vibing with XXC at the wrong time. #I also love A-qing for being quick on the uptake that these two are so similar its practically like a mirror image. #This also mirrors song lan's first/last appearance with the bff sundae. XY finally gets his revenge (having a domestic life with a bff). #((XXC has no idea what the t-shirt says. He just needed a spare. I like to think XY sewed and embroidered it personally)) #I will get into my xue yang thoughts more later but...man I will always wonder how things would have gone if song lan never showed up #xxc never should have run away (out of shame for causing SL harm). It was always going to cause more harm... #Dont worry SL. XXC still misses you. Some bonds cannot be broken even if time and distance pull you apart.

[lucalicatteart]

A few silly little small sculptures that I made with some of the leftover clay from the main one I did recently

#sculpture #birds #neopets #sparkly little aishas my beloved..... #Though I actually kind of liked them with a matte finish more?? I wanted to try out making them sparkly and shiny..but #I think they might have looked better before adding all the shine. BUT I kind of like both. Maybe I should make two more that aren't shiny #just to have variation lol... an entire army of tiny aishas..... #The little house is so bad lol I hada headache at that point and kind of just wanted to get everything over with #(I bake the clay all at once so I had to get the smaller ones done to go with the main one) #and was like.. zero effort into making things line up or measuring at all. one window on one side is like twice as big as on the other lol #but I think from afar ifnot examined too closely it's still kind of cute. The birds were also just random like 'what can I shape out of thi #s small blob of clay I have leftover' etc. I did actually put irridescent eyeshaow on the pigeon but it just doesnt show up in photos ToT #The other bird is not anything in specific... some sort of random fantasy creature bird with slight purple on it's wings or something #The strawberry is exclusively just a quickly done accessory for the birds.. I wanted them to have a little meal to share #even though I dont know if birds eat strawberries #the last picture in the set is them all sitting on a shelf (the most well lit place I could find) but looks weird #since it has all of my avocado pit eyes in the background......... ominous backdrop for such peaceful little creachures.. #you kind of cant tell what they are from that angle though i guess lol

[thelaurenshippen]

HI HELLO DO YOU LIKE AUDIO DRAMAS, WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE YOUR OWN AUDIO DRAMA well do I have news for you

for quite some time, I have been working on putting every bit of practical information I have about making a podcast into some kind of readable resource and I'm very happy to say that, by george, I think I've done it.

that link will take you to our resource page which has links to a 35-page handbook that takes you through every step of podcast production (on our merch page, but you can download for zero dollars! do it!) and a direct download of a 15-page pdf about how I take an idea from development through scripting.

this is by no means the be-all-end-all definitive correct guide on how to make an audio drama. as I emphasize many times throughout, this is just how I do things, but it's a pretty thorough rundown of how I do things. if you've been too overwhelmed to start your own show, I sincerely hope this helps you!

#audio drama #podcasting #indie podcasts #lauren shippen #atypical artists #free resources #writing #I'm gonna be honest you guys #I'm...pretty fucking proud of this thing #it's 50 pages of - what I think is - pretty practical advice and genuinely helpful tips #I really believe in keeping AD a place where indie shows can thrive and anyone can try their hand at production #which is why I've spent so much of my own money through the years making other ppl's indie shows #and I can't really do that anymore financially #but I still believe in the spirit of that #and I think this is a nice way to keep that alive #anyway! I hope you like it and find is useful! #and obviously if you are so inclined #you can also pay any amount of money to download the pdf #it was a BONKERS amount of work #so that's always appreciated!

[big-man-in-places-he-shouldnt-be]

Big Man shouldn’t be plummeting into the Galactic Nova!

#Happy 28th anniversary to ANOTHER of my (if not my most) favorite games!! #Unfortunately my computer seems to be having some. Issues with images right now. #I’ve been putting my blood sweat and tears into this ONE edit for the past five hours now trying to get it to work right and it still isn’t #-but the effort is worth it for a tribute to my favorite game. #That being said I might have to make a post soon asking for some help because I am having. Considerable difficulty with this :( #ANYWAYS. Play Kirby Super Star!!! I find it very fun #big man #big man splatoon #splatoon #kirby #galactic nova #kirby super star #big man in places he shouldn't be

[euphorial-docx]

hot take: some marauders ships are more popular than others not because they’re men but because they’re bigger characters in the main story.

like not to say the sapphic ships aren’t overlooked in favor of the gay men sometimes— definitely not saying that. but i feel like people neglect the fact that characters like sirius or remus, or james, lily and maybe even regulus, are more popular within fandom because they were actually somewhat important to the main story.

we actually met remus and sirius in the story, and we know a lot more about james and lily than we do characters like dorcas or marlene or mary who had like one line to acknowledge them. and regulus has some information but also things can be easily presumed about him through sirius’s history.

idk i just think it can be kinda lazy to blame the popularity of ships on people being Secretly Horrible Misogynists instead of just… we know more about them.

#like i’m sorry #i find it so difficult to try and figure out a character through one line #like it took me years to have my own understanding of dorcas and pandora as characters #as well as barty and evan #and i still struggle to place marlene a lot of time #i don’t think that makes me a bad person. i think that just means i don’t always want to literally create my own characters for+ #every briefly mentioned name

[uncanny-tranny]

"The average person will not care if trans people exist in the same spaces as them," and, "some of the most powerful people are of the opinion that trans people must be separated from society, thus, it's important to not stop your allyship with 'I don't care'" are both true.

It is good that so many cis people don't care enough about who is trans and who isn't, that isn't solely what will save us. It's important to stop people in power from affecting the lives of trans people, from preventing them from pushing us out of every space and opportunity they can.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i've come across many a cis person who literally doesn't care what trans people do or do not do and i appreciate the viewpoint of... #...'it isn't my business so i don't make it my business'... #...HOWEVER i do not think that alone is sufficient when it comes to ensuring trans peoples safety... #...because obviously people in power have immense interest in making the lives of trans people either impossible or very hard... #...and that isn't going to stop unless we make it stop #i'm not trying to say that if you're cis and you don't find other people's transness your business you are wrong and terrible by the way... #...what i AM saying is that trans people are still in material danger the longer people have the power to make our lives hell y'know #as far as i'm concerned the whole 'it ain't my business' can often be a good response to transness #in that you recognize that it isn't your place. i do the same thing even though i'm tranS #because even though i am trans it is STILL none of my business who's trans and who's getting what surgery or whatever

[puppyeared]

if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified

#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing #i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though #at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself #as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed #escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date #although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL #ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting #workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety #i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back #AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO #im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts #i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem #in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material #and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school #maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess #only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard #hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms #i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work #not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall #anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh #yapping

[ante--meridiem]

.

#former creepy landlord found another way to try to contact me #blocked him there too but it does freak me out a tiny bit that he's still trying #he would *absolutely* have shown up at my new place if I'd given him any hint of the address when he insisted #I'm. reasonably sure he'll run out of avenues to try before he actually finds me #i don't think there's anyone he can ask for my new address who'd know it #I guess he might try showing up at my university building again but it's a big building with lots of people so I should be able to dodge him #or at least make it so he'd have to make a scene to talk to me #....I also left my bike at the old place bc I moved in winter & it was too icy to take it #& have been avoiding going back for it due to risk of running into him #had just started to consider just going for it at a time he's usually at work but this freaked me out enough to reconsider that #The Landlord Situation #if you are annoyed that that is still a tag I have use for: #trust me I'm even more so

[omaano]

Cuddly, comfy boys for @sunsyfish for the DinCobb Holiday Gift Exchange 💕

I was cheeky enough to get some inspiration from your art - it's so inspirational in so so many ways, I've been such a huge fan ever since I tumbled into the fandom Q^Q (exhibit A the little hearts all around that make every picture sweeter; and exhibit B Boba and Fennec cameo in the background, because they make the cutest stickers and I love them so much!) I hope you're gonna like it Sun! ^^

#dincobb #din x cobb #cobb vanth #din djarin #the mandalorian fanart #marshmando #my art #I seriously adore those stickers tho #I feel like I have to find the BEST PLACE for them to put them into my journal #and they feel so lonely when I separate them #sw fanart #warm and comfy #actual first look at Din's leg tattoos what do you think? #it's only his back that I haven't worked out yet.... #you cannot imagine the stress I felt as I was trying to draw for someone whose work I adore #like I still have reblog windows open of Sun's art #but every time I go about actually reblogging them I lose 20 minutes of my day just staring at it and then I have to close my browser X"D #so here I am hoping to measure up (and that I did not misread the prompts 3 times lol) #I LOVED working on this though #especially after a 2 week break between initial and worked-out sketch #really enjoyed adding all those patterns #Cobb's shirt was a headache but the rose pillow is my favourite #I'm only a little bummed that it is barely visible

[alkcomics]

Ghost! My shadow! Caress me!

Saw Cherry Glazerr play 'Moon Dust' live a few weeks ago and it fucking ruled. Been going through old pages for Reasons and u know my emo ass can't pass up a good song quote image post

Full-Spectrum Therapy (2016)

#playlist #that song is so fucking good #so this section of ch4 is top of my 'needs edits bad' list #i think it's a common place people stop reading #its shape in the narrative is like a weird knot that adds complexity and confusion at a point where it should be a first clear revelation #breakdown of safety structures -> finding solace in the void -> we see him actively affect the void -> he decides to get OUT #whereas damien is still trying to scrounge up safety structures and hasn't yet resorted to actively seeking solace in the void #like this scene should have much more emphasis and be a much more direct parallel to the climax of the story w damien staying in the void #i would just like that all clearer on a first read #this page is still fun tho #anyway remember this page for limiter huehueh #fullspectrumtherapy

[emmodii-mode]

Just finished my first playthrough of BG3. Romanced Lae'zel, but ending up turning into an Illithid because the idea of making Orpheus or Karlach do it didn't sit well with me (or my character).

I told Lae'zel to leave with Orpheus in the end (I heard she wouldn't stay with a ghaik anyway, which she's valid for, but also, it doesn't feel right to ask her to stay when I know how much her people mean to her). And like-

Her face before she flies off---

She looks so heartbroken and sad.

#emmodii rambles #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate series #lae'zel #spoilers #i don't regret my choices and i do love a good angsty story. but at the same time... OOF. #may you find a new source of joy in the astral realm my queen :'( #for anyone curious- i played a githyanki which i heard is the only race that can fly off with her or something? #but well. again- didn't quite fit my character to have someone else turn instead pfffft #ALSO HE'S A CLERIC OF ILMATER AND A REDEEMED DARK URGE. self-sacrifice is kiNDA TO BE EXPECTED HAHAHA. #anyway- do give romancing lae'zel a shot guys. she may be a hardass at first but it's really because she cares a lot #also slightly off-topic but as a dark urge gith... durge grew up in a city so like. wonder how out of place they woulda felt with the #other githyankis anyway. i think i read somewhere that a gith durge realises they don't really feel connected to creches and stuff #which is interesting and makes me curious about how exactly they were made. cuz they have the traits and knowledge of the race but didn't #grow up with them. i guess the easiest answer would be 'god magic shenanigans' but STILL. #trust me to overthink things hahaha XD #if anyone's curious what happened to my guy in the end--- we followed wyll and karlach to avernus hahaha #what are the devils gonna do? steal the soul we don't have?? TRY IT BITCH #of course i did reload multiple times to have my character kill himself. because that was another option that felt possible for his charact #...and also because i wanted to see how companions would react to it. krewfjewlkrjewklrjewl- although the narration for durge suicide #is also quite interesting! of course maybe that's just me being mentally ill eff (/lh) but having a kill that isn't going to murder daddy? #gives a redeemed durge some control and a final say at last. which is still sad but a nice way to tie up their death methinks #ANYWAY- time to go find a way to convert him into a full-on OC. elves and dwarves are one thing but giths are blatantly dnd so i'mma have #to figure that out for my own story lore and universe--- some kinda new species? humanify him? or convert to another existing general speci #hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmmm-

[dairyfreenugget]

(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)

Hey hey hey

May I interest you in

(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)

Teehee

#thylacines can talk #faaf au #i love this au very yummy. a very fun twist on how Flower's dynamic with their parents would progress afterwards #the vessels live but the void exits their bodies in quite a violent manner (extreme pain and literally throwing up an entire person worth of #void). Flower was on guard duty and theyre found barely conscious in a pool of rapidly evaporating void. passes out seconds later #PK also had the displeasure of experiencing extene pain and burning as void forced its way out through his skin <3 And his moulds all melted #and evaporated. after the initial shock wears off theyre hit with “Oh No #the vessel“ and rush to find them. Well somebody else was already looking for the royal pair about this #Flower wakes up dazed and in pain in their father's workshop. their stomach hurts their throat burns and they feel lightheaded. the entire #place is considerably brighter than they remember and in they can hear two faint voices in the background but theyre too preoccupied with #examining their now pure white hand in shock to focus on anything else. until they hear their mother say “My wyrm they're awake” and #suddenly their parents are by their side. Now the two have no idea what void leaving their body might have done to them. Are they still #hollow? are they still dead? do they understand anything are they sentient? or was what was done pernament even without the void? do they #have the mind of a child if their sentience was restored? or do they remember anything? So WL stays by their side and helps them sit up #while their father goes to grab his tools. She's trying to keep them calm and comfort them but theyre still too disoriented to pay her much #attention. Until their father checks their breathing and they yelp audibly from the cool metal contacting their skin and suddenly they seem #much more alert. theyve never experienced true coldness before. PK quickly apologises and tries to be gentler with them. Theyre breathing #properly and they have a heartbeat. And he just pauses for a long while just. listening to their heart beating. Many emotions to be had #after the exam's over he asks them point blank how theyre feeling. And Flower looks up at him still seeming a little disoriented. and then #they lower their hand to their stomach and mutter 'My tummy hurts...a-and my throat burns'. It's to be expected after the way the void #left their body. so he goes to grab them some water and meds and they also ask for food and a mirror. And after he returns they just stare #at themself in the mirror and pull on their bangs for a while then blurt out 'I have your eyes' when PK asks if everything's okay. And he #and he almost chokes up as he replies 'Yeah...Yeah you do'. Flower eventually spins a lie that they remember everything but its all distant #and blurry. Like they were not aware until now. They figured it'd be better to not break their hearts #And now the three have to figure out how to be a family while PK is also scrambling to find a new solution to the infection #oops i meant to only give a brief rundown in the tags which is why it was in the tags. but i got too invested KDHDKFB

[ultimateinferno]

You know. I think it kind of flattens Makima's character to presume the limits of her manipulation begin and end with sex appeal. Like even if it's not through the lens of Denji's impressionable teen sexuality, there is in some expectation that those she preys upon are in some manner attracted to her. Within the limits of the narrative that's fine enough since the themes largely involve sex and intimacy in some way. I think the nature of Makima as the Devil of Conquest/Control actually broadens her toolkit when it comes to relationships.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think so long as some form of positive relationship with her is initiated--be it sexual, romantic, familial, platonic or whatever--she has a foothold in a person's psyche enough to influence and subjugate them given enough time. Because the thing is, to her all relationships is a power dynamic in some way, and she's always trying to put herself on top. While a lot of her characterization is indicative of succubi, her nature encompasses all forms of control.

She's the manager who impairs working conditions, pinning it all on corporate and painting herself as just another worker standing her ground. She's the best friend fighting the whole world for you, while always subtly pitting you against it. She's the parental figure, just trying her damnedest to keep you afloat, but you keep wasting it.

Ultimately, I think the only true consistency with Makima's relationships is the end goal. Fostering total dependency.

#chainsaw man #csm #makima #チェンソーマン #csm spoilers #chainsaw man spoilers #you've probably seen the ''makima wouldn't call you slurs'' post that offers another perspective of her character #namely through the lens of a wlw #it's a very good post far more concise and well written than this thing #but i think her nature can be further extrapolated to all relationships #afterall kishibe has outright said that *all* of her relationships were built on this facet #in fact it's been implied that the japanese government groomed her--which i discussed in another post #so i just wanted to share my thoughts that i think even if who she is lies far outside of your sexuality her influence doesn't just fizzle #but that she will still try to find away to place herself above you #makes her more interesting as a character and the abuse that is possible in all kinds of relationships

[shadowglens]

you know when you’re travelling and you just start craving a food from home? for me I’m missing good asian food 😭

#txt #i miss living 3 min away from one of the best Vietnamese takeout places in my city 😭 and having so many good Asian restaurants so close by #idk like there are still Asian restaurants here of course but they don’t quite hit the same #maybe I’m just not finding the good places lol #i have had some really really good seafood here tho which is not surprising #also i’ve been trying not to eat out every night just cause it gets expensive #but I’ve been splurging the past few nights 🫣 #i rationalise it by only eating pastries or weird little snack meals for every breakfast and lunch agshdjfk

[raiiny-bay]

oc deep dive questionnaire - dhes edition

tagged by @sikoi (ty you for the tag!! <3)

-what common/uncommon fear do they have? tbh, there's not much that scares Dhes. when he was younger, he feared rejection, but that fear has lessened significantly as he's gotten older & become more comfortable with himself

-do they have any pet peeves? he's pretty particular about housekeeping, so his biggest pet peeves tend to be related to that. but he especially hates when Kelly leaves his shoes lying around instead of putting them away (bc Dhes *always* trips over them lol)

-what are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? CDs (lots of CDs), a tamagotchi (he brings it to work. it never stays alive long), & notes that he & Kel wrote back & forth to each other during class throughout their teen years

-what do they notice first in a person? whether or not they look directly at him/look him in the eyes

-on a scale of 1-10, how high is their pain tolerance? probably 8 or 9

-do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? fight - Dhestyn's a fighter through & through

-do they come from a big family/are they a family person? his family is pretty average, size-wise. his family dynamic is very eccentric, so whether or not he's a "family person" is kind of a complicated answer. he's not particularly close with anyone in his immediate family, but he does talk to them & visit them often

-what animal represents them best? a dog - generally, he's very friendly & loyal, but in the right circumstances, he does tend to bite

-what is a smell that they dislike? burning meat

-have they broken any bones? if so, how? several, mostly his fingers & wrists though. he's broken them in skateboarding accidents, during fights with other kids when he was in middle/high school, & by simply making poor decisions due to his reckless nature :-)

-how would a stranger likely describe them? i actually kind of explained this on his character page, but to sum it up people tend to see Dhes as either very charming or very unsavory

-are they a night owl or a morning bird? both! Dhes has a horrific sleep schedule. he'll regularly stay up until 1-2am & he wakes up at 5 o'clock every morning. though if he had to choose one, he prefers mornings

-what is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? he really likes cinnamon. he's not a big fan of seafood.

-do they have any hobbies? yes! skateboarding, hacky sack, making playlists & listening to music, working out (weights/jogging), fashion (read: "fashion"), & ruining his hair, to name a few.

-boom, surprise birthday party! how do they react to surprises? Dhestyn always appreciates a nice surprise

-do they like to wear jewelry? if so, what is their favorite piece? yes, the man loves to accessorize. his favorite piece of "jewelry" is actually a necklace Kel gave to him when they were fifteen - it's a simple black cord with one of Kel's old guitar picks on it.

-do they have neat or messy handwriting? somewhere in the middle - it's legible, at least.

-what are two emotions they feel the most? love & anger

-do they have a favorite fabric? not particularly, no

-what kind of accent do they have? standard PNW accent when speaking English, though occasionally he'll have hints of a more Mexican-American accent, which he picked up from his mom's side of the family

tagging: @mobwhim, @lynzishell, @vicciouxs, @teddybearsims, & @salemssimblr (feel free to ignore ofc!)

#tag game #dhestyn #myedits #been really into doodling on my edits lately. idk why. #i was going to keep my answers concise but then i thought. fuck it #today we ramble #regarding his fear of rejection: it hasn't gone away entirely. it just like. doesn't have a hold on him the way it used to yk #he still very much has that like. underlying fear that he doesn't belong anywhere. he just tries to ignore it #it was actually really hard to think of stuff dhes would keep in his bedroom that isn't obvious (like. a bed lol) #bc 1 - dhes keeps a really clean room & house #literally nothing is out of place #& 2 - the boys live in a studio apartment. so like. technically their couch is in their bedroom. & so is everything else they own #the emotion question was also really hard to answer bc dusty is an emotional guy #like........ everything he feels is x100 & it is very difficult to distinguish whether those feelings are positive or negative #bc his reactions to both are more or less the same lol #also i did use a font for his handwriting. i've been trying to find handwriting fonts for all my OCs but #i've only been able to find some for the boys #n e way. #that's all.