#i will never get pregnant

[macaroni-rascal]

i dislike my period so much, someone come hysterectomy me for the love of god

#its so stupid #i will never get pregnant #take it out of me #my appetite is either i need to eat it all OR i cant even stomach food #i woke up almost 6 hours ago and i only just ate a small amount of food right now #because i couldnt handle food #and now i feel kinda gross cause i ate #HATE IT

[kilometresrufflefuck]

fact the first: i made this tweet once

fact the second: i also once wrote a narumitsu fic in which my challenge was to jam as many fic tropes as possible into one fic (which is here by the way)

conclusion: you could not do this challenge with klapollo because apollo would effectively dodge every romance trope dooming klavier to despair. klavier gets a part time job as a barista to talk to apollo. apollo firmly holds that it is inappropriate to flirt with hospitality staff and skates over all klavier's coy barista/barrister puns which is for the best because it is unclear how this qualifies as flirting anyway. klavier and apollo are caught in a difficult to explain situation. "we're dating," says klavier, putting an arm around apollo, because it is the easiest explanation. "no we aren't," says apollo, removing his arm and explaining the situation perfectly normally. klavier and apollo check into the last available hotel room to investigate a case. there is only one bed. apollo takes the couch. a mark appears on klavier's wrist in the perfect shape of apollo's horns, surely signifying that they are soulmates. apollo earnestly tells klavier to wear more sunscreen and that he should go get a skin check

#klapollo #i mean i could do THIS challenge. how many tropes can apollo effectively limbo under #ace attorney #klavier gavin #apollo justice #rookposting #other trope options: klavier is pregnant and apollo pays alimony. unclear how this started #i abandoned this one because i couldnt figure out how apollo would get klavier pregnant #presumably by sexing him but you can never be sure

[spielzeugkaiser]

Just imagining that AU of the AU where Geralt’s feeling the baby kick for the first time and he goes all puppy eyed. “Aww. They like you!”

Oh, I think he'd not feel joy immediately! It's more like f e a r.

#jaskier #geraskier #geralt of rivia #the witcher #geralt x jaskier #geraskier lovechild #I want you all to know that Jaskiers 'I heard that-' is genuine and he is more relaxed but he has NO IDEAS ABOUT ANYTHING #Jaskier has zero clues about pregnancy he never ever thought he would get pregnant he is totally lost! they are both incredibly dumb!! #they only have some vague ideas how it will come out #mpreg #omegaverse

[yuridovewing]

i really hate how the fandom’s excuse for jayfeather’s shitty behavior (and outright medical malpractice in certain cases. looking at the time he refused to help squilf in labour bc he couldnt be bothered and later blamed her for how bad it was) is “well the clan was ableist to him growing up, so fuck them!” ok how does that excuse him screaming at and berating the cats that didnt do any of that. or the babies.

#or ‘’well hes snarky and mean! we dont get snarky and mean characters!’’ what are you talking about everyone in this series is an asshole #im also a bit bitter bc you know if he were a she cat then he’d get tons of animations of ocs killing him #ppl (fanon and authors) really really want jay to be this underdog whos just grumpy at best #but in reality hes like. one of the head honchos in the clan. he holds a ton of power over people #sure sometimes the narrative doesnt WANT that to be the case but hes literally gods messenger boy #and is in charge of medical care #maybe im just very familiar with shitty doctors/nurses who abuse their patients and excuse it with ‘’but im stressed :(‘’ #but this character never was endearing to me even before the team switch #jayfeather is not your beaten down blorbo in a shitty retail job hes the nurse making a tiktok about how cringey pregnant patients are #also i just. really despise ‘’but theyre traumatized :(‘’ as an excuse for abusive behavior #did you ever think maybe some of his patients like twigkit were traumatized by his behavior?

[therabbitthatpostthings]

Fanfic isn’t enough, I need to fuck him

#shitpost #shitposting #I almost said get him pregnant lmao #anyway #giyuu tomioka #karl heisenberg #van hohenheim #leon kennedy #luis serra #nanami kento #viktor arcane #our flag means death #I need to stop posting at 3am #I start saying freak shit at 3am #kan sekijirou #HEAVY ON SEKIJIRO KAN #Goddamn I love Vlad King #I never understood the urge of needing to make a man whimper until I met Leon S Kennedy

[starqueensthings]

Dad!Cross was feeding us this morning 🔥

#starqueensgifs #my ovaries will never recover #can I get pregnant from this #the bad batch #tbb #bad batch #tbb spoilers #tbb season 3 #tbb season 3 spoilers #bad batch spoilers #bad batch season 3 #bad batch season 3 spoilers #tbb crosshair #Crosshair tbb #bad batch Crosshair #crosshair bad batch #Crosshair DAD batch

[anotherpapercut]

genuinely so many of you want to be leftist and "punk" and countercultural soooooo bad but you refuse to become comfortable with the concept of people taking drugs for fun because they like it and not because they were somehow tricked or forced into it without knowing what they were getting themselves into

you'll be like "addiction is a disease!!" but think you're better than those degenerate stoners because you only drink energy drinks and white claws and would never touch "illegal drugs"

many if not most drugs CAN be consumed completely safely with almost 0 risk to the user and even if that werent true and all drugs were extremely dangerous you still wouldn't be better than those of us who love doing drugs recreationally

lighten up and grow up. get offline, talk to real adults, and stop being shocked to discover that they enjoy doing stuff that adults do like have sex and do drugs and even listen to rock and roll

#put punk in parantheses bc yall are hardcore straight edge at best lmao #goes to a punk show in someones basement and gasps when i see people snorting coke off each other in the corner #anyway heres your regular reminder from your friendly neighborhood drug addict that drugs can be and often are consumed safely #LSD‚ MDMA‚ psilocybin‚ cannabis of course‚ ketamine‚ coke‚ whippets. these are all drugs that i personally have used #and that are completely safe when used correctly and by someone who doesn't have some sort of allergy #even if someone is on a dangerous drug like meth or heroin you are not better than them #in fact theyre probably a lot chiller than your ass if youre still viewing drugs as a thing for 'degenerates' to do #literally can not hang out with non druggies anymore bc they cannot stop themselves from moralizing it #i mention that my vape has thc in it and i get That Look and a bunch of 'i would never smoke weed. i mean its fine. i just would NEVER' #i get it! you view drugs as a thing thats only for poor people or people who dont care about themselves or whatever #i call that the go ask alice effect. people will think you smoked weed then immediately had sex got pregnant and died of a heroin overdose #even when they think theyre being super progressive

[sameschmidtdiffname]

I love the difference in Katniss and Peeta asking for love. Peeta is in full "You don't have to, it's ok!!! Please don't even make eye contact with me, no pressure!!" Mode during 'The Hunger Games' meanwhile Katniss for the rest of the series is just like this fucking goblin crawling out of the pits of hell like "No pressure, but I will kill myself if you don't breathe in my direction"

#i feel like he looks at her like a chihuahua #here is this deranged creature that sometimes wants to kill me #it needs my protection (he needs protection from her) #it needs caring (he is a housewife) #she is a gentle baby who would never harm a soul #(he has had to replace two geese for haymitch for reasons hes not allowed to discuss) #meanwhile katniss is in the corner like “i can get him pregnant” #peeta x katniss #everlark #peeniss #peeta and katniss #the hunger games peeta #katniss x peeta #katniss and peeta #peeta mellark #thg peeta #peeta #katniss everdeen #thg katniss #the hunger games katniss #the hunger games trilogy #the hunger games #hunger games #thg series #thg #cf #mj #catching fire #mockingjay

[ghouljams]

Gonna take a wild guess that the “something more permanent” is that giant bite that was in one of your earlier posts

That is one part of it, but he wants something on him too >:3c

König's tongue slides over your teeth as he presses you down against the bed. You feel nice and small under him, still half sitting in his lap as his big hand gropes your chest. He always tips your head, holds your jaw, like he's scared you might try to pull away from his kiss. You haven't yet. You don't think you ever will. Not when his mouth makes your head spin.

He pulls back, one thumb rubbing your cheek, the other your sternum. You open your mouth for him when he presses two fingers against it. You always like this part, slicking up his fingers with your tongue like you aren't soaked for him. He likes your mouth, and the feeling is very much mutual. You're skin is pleasantly warm and you rock your hips against his as he slides his fingers against your tongue.

“Bite,” He tells you. You close your lips around them, letting your teeth press against the delicate skin and bone. König’s eyes are watchful, you slip your tongue along the length of each finger, tasting the salt of his skin. He pulls hard at something in your chest, not a tether, you’re not used to the way his hand slides between your ribs or the feeling it conjures. “Bite.” He commands, and affection-aggression --something dark and primal-- floods your veins as you bite hard on his fingers. König lets out a shuddering breath, eyes so hot and heavy on you, like he could eat you alive. Blood fills your mouth as you break skin and scrape bone, you gag as he releases the hold on your chest.

You open your mouth quick as can be to let his fingers go, and turn to spit out the blood. König’s hand clamps over your lips, his thumb pressing against your nose. You can’t breathe, can’t open your mouth, can’t push him off. He makes you swallow it like a dog that won’t take a pill. Then he holds you a moment longer until you’re starting to really burn for a breath. 

He lets you go, smearing blood across your cheek as you finally roll to cough against the bed, sucking in air like you’re drowning. You gag again, your stomach rolling in disgust at the unwelcome intrusion. König settles back on his knees to watch you, licking the blood from his fingers as you shake. His purr reaches for you as you run your tongue along your teeth and spit the taste onto the comforter. It doesn’t pacify you like it usually does, only tells you how pleased König is to have his own permanent addition from you.

#oh hey ghoul what happened to the body horror in the fae au? it never left #the way yall are in my comments and ask box like: hes gonna get her pregnant #like youre right but hey #König is looking for every avenue of tying liebling to him #im still thinking about how fae/human baby making works #like i know how it works but the fae can reproduce a million different ways #and if there isnt a special trick to it then ghost and Love should have a litter by this point #the amount of protection theyre using is solidly zero #könig modern warfare #könig x reader #könig x you #x reader #fae!konig #oc: liebling

[psikonauti]

Judy Chicago (American, b. 1939)

The Crowning, 2009

Lithograph

#Judy Chicago #upl #va #art #prints #lithograph #serigraph #i can feel my internal reproductive organs just seeing this #it's like kinda getting cervix contractions #but i feel my uterus as well #never been pregnant so idk how it feels like but i always feel like this even when someone is talking about giving birth or see a pic #it's kinda intense and definitely unpleasant #so i'm wondering if it happens to other women as well

[wilhelminacisse]

Once Upon a Time drives me fucking insane because WHY is there so much wasted potential!!!! Jefferson just disappeared?? They turned August into a child and we like never see him again THEY COULD HAVE GIVEN HENRY A FRIEND LIKE HE ONLY HANGS OUT WITH HIS GRANDPARENTS AND HIS THERAPIST

Actually speaking of his therapist the POTENTIAL they had with Regina and Archie?? Like they were kinda cute and now they don’t even talk to each other like even as friends or anything?? WHY

AND GRAHAM he deserved sooo much better (no not his relationship with Regina pls never speak about that) RUBY TOO CAUSE WHY DID THEY DO HER LIKE THAT

But you’re telling me that 3 people in this town knew everything and they never talked to each other?? Why did Gold and Jefferson never talk in Storybrooke?? Like Rumple was literally the one to introduce him to Regina in the first place

AND WHEN GRAHAM WAS REMEMBERING WHY DIDNT JEFFERSON GET HIM? GRAHAM WAS LITERALLY RUNNING AROUND THE WOODS CHASING A MAGICAL WOLF like if Jefferson had gotten him on his side Emma might have been less inclined to think he was a psychopath

Same with August!! If he had literally talked to either of them things could have been fixed so much faster or they at least would know they’re not fucking crazy like make a little “in the know” club it could’ve been fun

#sorry but I’m a Regina and Archie truther now #where tf did grahams wolf go anyway #I will NEVER be over the whole Jefferson-Whale-Regina thing they were soo tragic and all fuking awful at the same time #keeping Cinderella pregnant for 28 years has to be illegal #can’t believe they took away rubys cool and ungothified Whale and Jefferson #live laugh love Leroy #this is about like the first 2 seasons only btw there is SO much more don’t even get me started #regina mills #graham humbert #archie hopper #jefferson ouat #mr gold #ruby lucas #emma swan #storybrooke #ouat

[cinnamonsikwate]

i'm really curious about what marcille's mother's deal is. seems like she's not too big on the rest of elven society. here's what we know about her so far:

mage at a human royal court (adventurer's bible)

courtship with marcille's father donato lasted 17 years (adventurer's bible)

specialty is roast pork, which was also donato's favorite (chapter 81)

had a cheerful personality up until the point donato got too sick to eat his favorite food. her extreme emotional reaction to this left a lasting impression on marcille (chapter 81)

remarried to a gnome and moved away from the city at some point after donato died (adventurer's bible)

several portraits of her appear in marcille's nightmare (chapter 42); this is the second time we see marcille dream of her (chapter 3)

preferred non-elven food and didn't introduce marcille to any traditional elven dishes (chapter 74)

from the canaries' reactions in chapter 74, it appears elven society looks down on elves who go to live among and work for short-lived races. they seemed especially put off that she would have a mixed-blood child. when they're talking about the lyrikmumare to get marcille to trip up, marcille envisions her mother saying that the food "here" (i.e., the northern continent) tastes so much better. so the picture we're getting here is of an elf who has removed herself from elven culture, but the question is, did she do it willingly or was she forced to?

keeping her other actions in mind, i'm leaning more towards the former. the most intriguing thing for me is that she eventually married a gnome, despite elves and gnomes having infamously waged war against each other over differences in the practice of magic and presently tending to discriminate against the other on sight. (one thing's for sure — marcille's mother is winning the idgaf war!)

marcille never talks about her gnome stepfather though, and it's unclear what she thinks of her mother's remarriage. the timing of the remarriage is also a mystery. donato married marcille's mother when he was 32 (after having courted her for 17 years) and died at 82, meaning they were married for 50 years. marcille is also currently 50 years old, but we know she wasn't born immediately after the marriage: in chapter 81, donato's doppelganger says marcille was born when he'd started "getting on in years." based on marcille's memories of him and the established fact that the average tall-man lifespan is 60 years, i'd hazard that he was in his 50s then. this gives him 30 years or less with marcille — definitely less than 35, which we know is the age at which she left for the magic academy.

we don't know if marcille's mother remarries before or after marcille leaves (if before, than that's definitely a shockingly short time), but it's interesting that she chose to marry someone from a long-lived race this time. maybe this is her way of ensuring she spares herself another heartbreak? or maybe she *is* still heartbroken and is trying to cover it up.

but. i can't help but kind of agree with chilchuck in chapter 81, that marcille's parents are not blameless for marcille becoming the dungeon lord. since it's apparently well-documented, they surely must have known — as well-educated people — that mixed-blood children face not just discrimination but also mental anguish that comes with their unstable aging (not to mention the sterility). so the way they raised marcille feels frankly irresponsible 😭

anyway. i'd love to get spin-off content where post-adventure marcille and her mother meet again. i feel like there's a lot of unresolved issues there (that can of course be hashed out over a good meal).

#dungeon meshi #marcille donato #what can i say i'm often drawn to mysterious mother characters (often dead) #the toudens' mom too — we know even less about her! #does marcille's mother hate being an elf?? #oh and if i missed any points feel free to reply #marcille doesn't really seem to have strong feelings about elven society #although it appears she might not have interacted with that many other elves before the canaries #i wonder if marcille realized fionil was also a half-elf #i'd like to see them interact as well. get fionil's perspective on lifespan disparities. seems like her dad is the elf #oh wait wait i was also wondering if it's still possible for marcille's mother to get pregnant #what happens if a mixed-blood child is from two long-lived races? #imagine marcille with a baby sibling #speaking of babies everyone kept making digs at her sterility but she never expresses an active wish for children #i just think that's interesting #calemonsito notes

[kingkatsuki]

Mother Mitsuki, who despite Masaru’s pleas, is way too invested in Bakugou and your relationship.

#pls I LOVE HER!!! #asking if you’re engaged yet every time you both visit for dinner #sending you wedding dress designs when you’re not even engaged #sending bakugou texts telling him to wife you up before you realise your mistake in choosing him and pick Deku instead #gifting the most inappropriate presents to try and get you pregnant #becoming the real bridezilla when you’re finally engaged and she isn’t even the one getting married #he turns up at your hen do to find you and his mum drunk as FUCK together #and he can’t help but shake his head at the sight as he tries to get you both back to his car because he loves you both so much #and he’s so glad you like each other too😭 #she’s at the hospital holding you in her arms whenever Bakugou is hurt like you just share the same pain #but god if she sends bakugou one more text with your ovulation schedule he’s blocking her #(he’ll never admit that it’s because of that text that he bends you over— just in case) #and it fills him with so much warmth when he watches you both share memories of him as a kid— even though he was an ugly fucking baby #and like when you both fight Mitsuki always checks up on you too🥺because she knows her son can be brash like her #but she knows that he’s so in love with you and wouldn’t wanna lose you #she’s definitely caught you both having sex in his childhood bedroom too tho

[merakiui]

Your Yan Idia and his magical onahole is so amazing its so gooddd!!! But what if the magical onahole but with Azul and the tweels???

Zuzu using it as a comfort toy and fucking its precious hole with his rather big but tentacle-like octopus cock. Trying to sit still when mysterious phantom suckers are sucking on their puffy slit. trying not to cum when long slender fingers work your hole open, rubbing up and down so gently

OR OR!! Tweels know that its connected to their darling and fuck the onahole's holes so roughly. They do it when the reader is asleep and jolting them awake once two large mercocks were shoved into their pretty tight holes, in class when they're in a middle of a lesson or in random places.

Azul definitely uses it as a comfort toy, but he also uses it for practice! He does everything to the onahole that he wishes to do to you. He fucks into it in his octo-mer form just to work on being more confident in that form so that when (and if) he does get to fuck you with his tentacles he won't feel so insecure. He also wants to be perfectly skilled when he eats you out or scissors you open; he dreads looking so foolishly inexperienced when he actually gets to sleep with you, so he'll practice quite often. And of course he always, always cums lots inside. <3 he could go many rounds if he's particularly pent-up (he hate-fucks the onahole a lot because he's a jealous tako), so if he chooses to use it on a day or night when you're with friends... good luck. :)

Slimy eels... >:( they know exactly what they're doing when they fit both of their cocks inside just to see how much of them you can take at once. They definitely fight over the onahole sometimes, wrestling each other for first use with mean scowls and snapping jaws. Floyd doesn't want to fuck Jade's cum back inside you. He wants his chance to fill you up first, not settle for sloppy seconds!! And Jade doesn't want to share at this moment because he found a particularly phallic-shaped mushroom and wants to see how well you'll take it (which is an immediate no-go for Floyd; he is not fucking an onahole that's been fucked with a mushroom). Sometimes Jade just wants to drag things out and tease you so slowly, but Floyd is impatient and he wants to be inside you the minute he's freed his cock from the confines of his boxers. And there's only one onahole, so they're forced to either compromise and share or fight over it like starved eels.

The twins work together very well when they aren't actively strangling the other near death for use of the onahole. When they're functioning on the same horny brain cell, they actually plan some very devious schemes. Jade likes to talk with you, whether over tea or in the botanical gardens or even during a walk through campus, while Floyd's off with the onahole, slamming it onto his cock just so Jade can watch the breath get knocked out of your little lungs. He loves to see you squirm and if you let him (you will; peer pressure is so fun and Jade does it best) he'll have you bent over so he can see how your hole gapes and clenches around an invisible force (Floyd's dick). He'll force his way inside and the two of them fuck you sore and dumb.

Jade likes to use the onahole when you're spending time with a friend or if you're on a date. He may not seem it, but he has a nasty jealous streak. He's only willing to share you with Floyd, so the fact that his dearest darling would even think to spend time with others when he and Floyd are the best fits for you... You really like to hurt his poor heart. :( it's only fair he absolutely ruins your chances with anyone else, teasing you all throughout your date before finally, finally bottoming out just when you think anything special might happen on your date. After all, why settle for someone who is better off becoming fish food? Obviously Jade and Floyd are the ones meant for you; the way you squeeze Jade's dick so tightly indicates that you agree, even if not yet verbally.

#meraki thirsts #yandere twst #n/sfw #i will admit the trio were the first ones i thought of while writing the response to onahole idia... ;;;;; #actually this works so well for shy scummy incel azul #he breeds you in secret and you have no idea :) #or the twins pressuring you to get pregnant because they want children and their parents want it too #but when you tell them no they act like they understand and the matter is never spoken about again #they turn to the onahole determined to fuck it so many times you'll eventually be knocked up #and then when you come to them pregnant they can act like you cheated on them #but don't worry!! they still love you <3 just promise you'll marry them #and in nine months you'll see it was all a big misunderstanding because what a wonderful surprise #you were actually pregnant with their fry all along :D #orz they are the worst men aaaaaa i need octavinelle carnally T_T

[rebouks]

Cookie's enjoying the new bathroom.. 👍

#ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #fib #fib extras #oscar #courtney #sdjkskjd bless her #she gets SO sick omg.. i've never had a sim get as sick as her when they're pregnant #like she legit throws up after every meal #idk whether one of the few pregante mods i have effect how often they puke or smth but geeez.. the poor woman! #the toilets in this house are never clean PLZ 😭💀 #twvomit

[soothedcerberus]

Don't you hate it when your food starts talking to you and making you feel bad for trying to eat it 🙄 Late mermay art of my OCs! 🦭 🐠 🦈

#mermay #original art #this is so dumb ashda but it was fun to draw and good comic practice #my art #original character #character design #comic #creature design #rembrandt the knighttaur #dael braam #dirk the dragontaur #im sorry rembrandt u are seahorse here u get obligatory mpregnanant treatment #im never writing the word pregnant again im sorry #mermaid au i guess different backgrounds with the characters dirk and rembrandt arent brothers and dael and rem are childhood friends #is it obvious that shark dirk isnt used to his food talking to him LOL its a first for him