#i wish what i really wanted was for like

[strawbebyjam]

(,:

#realizing 11:30 is heartbreak o'clock for my brain i think #like particularly with like. the burning itch to text them again #i know full well it's fruitless but my body wants me to go back and water the plants anyways. yk? like. i know it doesn't save a dead tree #if i go back every five minutes and throw a bucket of fertilizer at it #it's over. it's gone. n i can't change that. n i gotta make peace with that in a way that doesn't leave me staring at 'new message' weekly #i know it'll take me time. i don't wanna rush myself. but also like. man JKLDHFGDH like #i wish what i really wanted was for like #some patient beautiful angel to swoop in and nurse my heart back to full health so i don't have to do it myself #but i know that's not what i want anymore yk? like #i want to nurse my heart to a place better than it was at before it loved at all. like #i wanna be able to long for love without the desperation attached. i want love to be optional to my heart and not water or oxygen yk? like #desperation makes me feel crappy #maybe that's the more honest way to put it #mano.mindtalk #neg

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[spellbird]

"Illumination Legend of Zelda isn't real, it can't hurt you!"

Illumination Link:

#i had to make him i had to do it #but at what cost #anyway i really dont want them to make this movie #if zelda were to ever be made into a movie like this #either the animation needs to be done by studio Ghibli #or we are using the CDI zelda timeline/games ONLY for Illumination's version #loz #legend of zelda #the onceler #illumination #meme #edit tags ahead: #i both love and hate how this is my most popular post on this hellsite #i wish my art got this amount of attention lmao

[lazylittledragon]

do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

#ramble #yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am #and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. #drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks #i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me #one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know #i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary #some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier #and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless #signs that i should go to bed ^^^^ #i will resume my pity party tomorrow

[fiepige]

Compilation of EVERY single time they changed Hobie's filter in the digital version:

Left: Theatrical release Right: Digital release

You might have to click on some of them to get a better look at Hobie, sadly I don't have a video editor that allows me to make better edits than these :')

#This took so long to make lol #cause I had to edit every scene with Hobie from both versions so I could watch them right after one another to compare them #I did this with ALL the scenes he's in also the ones where he's on screen as spider-punk #but they only changed his filters in these scenes so it was a waste of time :') #sidenote: no it wasn't it's never a waste of time to look at hobie I just couldn't use it for my GIFset lol #I also made a bouns one but I'm not allowed to post more than 30 GIFs in one post apparently so I guess I just won't add it then... #but Hobie was basically filterless during all these scenes in the theatrical version #I like that they gave him more different filters in the digital version #the only change I don't like is in the first GIFs #cause like that one post pointed out it looks like they removed his lipstick for some reason #also really wish I had a better video editor so we could get a closer look at Hobie but I did my best with what I had #also slowed some of them down to get a better look at them #been having this idea for a while and now I finally finished it! #which means I can go back to working on my fics now #hopefully lol #also lemme know if there are some other scens you guys want me to make comparisons of #cause I have both versions #the theatrical release isn't the highest quality though so if you know where I can get my hands on a better version lemme know ;) #hobie brown #spider punk #miles morales #spider man #peter b parker #jess drew #miguel o'hara #spider man across the spider verse #across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #atsv #theatrical version

[aman1taverna]

what the actual fuck? all of the comments were supporting this dude even after this disgustingly misogynistic comment. I feel so bad for the women at that event.

"I don't even act like a man" yes you do. you're just completely delusional. @redditreceipts

#gender critical #receipts #tra receipts #reddit receipts #misogyny #tra misogyny #feminism #I really wish we could openly say spaces are for females however they identify #like can we stop calling everu lesbian in the world a terf for wanting to meet other women at a lesbian event? #what is a terf? #radical feminism #radfems do touch #radfem safe

[gunstellations]

In the world I love

_

In a different world

#vanitas no carte #vanoé #doomed yaoi save me...save me doomed yaoi #play on the opening song + visual sequence + the fact that vanitas could only ever be happy in an alternate universe also #+ the other fun little fact we learn about him from episode one #i have complex feelings about this anime #its pretty damn fucking good #but im a leeeeetle iffy about the way it developed the female characters.....they had potential and i was actually excited to #to see some good solid female characters even the respective romances with their l/i's felt good at the start #not jeanne obv. they fucked up a perfectly good woman and her whole dynamic with v could have gone sooo well without the reall #really forced flirting behaviour.... i liked the more serious relationship they had it made me actually not hate what they had at the start #but yknow. whatever. sorry about going off about another ship on this but im just....i love jeanne a lot. i wish they didnt do her so dirty #my girl deserves better than this asshole #you want white/black dynamics??? let her get married to domi and then we can talk #i enjoy this show and i enjoy vanoe a lot #very yuriyaoi if you ask me #my art

[kiwikiwiandkiwi]

HARRY BEING HARRY ON TOUR — Love on Tour: UK + Europe Leg, 2023

#harry styles #stylesedits #stylesnews #hledit #hljournal #hlcreators #hlupdate #hldaily #love on tour #love on tour 2023 #tw flashing #this turned out wayyyyy longer than what i was intending lol #but if could (and had the will) i'd make a thousand sets like this one #you can't really sum up a 31 show tour in just one gifset yk #i also didn't mean to use so many gay quotes but alas #and ALSO i didn't want to be too obvious but maybe this is a little too obvious idk #this has become an essay i'm sorry #wish i could use something else for the sat show but i dont have time i have to leave NOW #this leg was amazing and i'm going to miss it so much #*

[ryllen]

maybe i do want us to kiss a little more

#can you really accept who i am ... ? the fact i am a human and will forever a human; just like how u are never satisfied with yourself #u might never satisfied with me either #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #twst yuu #lilia vanrouge #twst mc #fanart #i . just . wanted to draw . a kiss . #but i did think a lot if he have a desire to be with a strong fae partner so he can erase the human blood from his lineage little by little #or he'd feel guilty about dirtying his fae partner's blood for passing human blood in him to another fae child & make them possibly weak #i think he would somewhat feel guilty too to make a human half fae child because where their place would be then #maybe his true desire is just to end his blood with him as malleus guard and that's all there's to it #i wish all his doubt would be erased once he saw how beautiful his child with his eyes is #just a child who will try their best no matter what blood they have in them

[peachyutdr]

i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D

#undertale yellow #uty #my art #<- ifg #spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad #that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways #CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO??? #i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly #but THE CUTSCENES?!?!? #JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD #ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO #LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER #ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD #BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK. #AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE #n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of #everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS #WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING #AAND THE GROUP HUGG #I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD #AND THE FUCKOGN #THE F U C K I N G #AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD #to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho #and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump #just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece #anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way #this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to #oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig

[occudo]

hiiiiii just wanted to say that I absolutely adore the way you draw Melanie. I am a humble lesbian and the one you did of her in Alternate Archives of her in business casual did things to my heart.

Ah, office lady Melanie my beloved

#I liked designing her #so #I'm glad you like her #I imagined that in this AU she really wants to look professional #and wants people to take her seriously #but she has no idea what she is doing #this is her first “normal” job #BA in media didn't serve her well #I wish I can draw all my 6 AUs at once #anyway #occudo's art #tma fanart #melanie king #alternative archives #archivist!georgie au

[vic-does-battlecats]

Minor spoilers for the already revealed chapters of the next A Starless Clan book Wind

#a starless clan #a starless clan spoilers #wind spoilers #asc spoilers #warrior cats spoilers #warriors #warrior cats #tigerheart #tigerheartstar #tigerstar 2 #tigerstar #Squirrelflight #squirrelstar #frostpaw #Nightheart #I’ve been wanting to draw this ever since the chapters were revealed and what better time than like two days til the book comes out #i actually think tigerheartstar is an interesting character in this arc he genuinely thinks he’s doing the right thing and he does honestly #want to help. he just does it by trying to crack dad jokes to lighten the mood while trying to run a group that doesn’t want him there #i also think it’s funny that he’s consistently just chill with taking in cats thrown out of their clans. ESPECIALLY from RiverClan #don’t get me wrong he’s super weird in omen of the stars and avos and I think in his super edition (I haven’t read it in a while) #but he’s also a good dad. he’s such a perplexing character I can’t help but find him interesting. at least he DOES stuff yknow #I’ll eat my words if he does turn out to be completely evil or something. but I’ll hate if he does his behavior really isn’t like Tigerstar #-the first. this guy isn’t out here trying to seize power #but ENOUGH ABOUT HIM!! Nightheart asking squirrelstar if frostpaw could come to thunderclan with him was so sweet #i wish she’d accepted I don’t want them to split up I’m worried the writers will forget the entire last book and they won’t be close again

[grmpgm]

come on, danny, let’s go party! 💗

#danny sexbang #ninja brian #ninja sex party #honeyart #+ like. might as well spam the notes on this one #TLDR! this was An Ordeal #started this when the barbie meme was still relevant- and then my computer died! got a new one bc i thought it came with a stylus! it didn’t #this was finished on my phone and um. you can tell #there is SO MUCH i wish i could change or go back + fix but also like. i kind of want to stop thinking about this for the rest of my life #i appreciate it for what it is though? i learned a LOT and tbh that’s all you can really ask for #dan avidan #brian wecht

[puppyeared]

mascot

#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe #i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor #but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes #like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this' #it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk #i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time #it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume #i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing #and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me #its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others #plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib #i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity #my art #myart #my oc #sona #mascot #furry #??? is this furry art???? #twinkle #puppysona #edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-

[rythyme]

really not a fan of boston very explicitly saying "I want to be exclusive romantically but not sexually" only to be told "You're lying to yourself. I think you should be alone."

#like... p'jojo. you gave us 3wbf??? what's going on bud #only friends the series #ofts #am i misinterpreting boston? did I miss something? is this just a poorly executed representation of something else entirely?? #idk this really just did not sit well with me #i love pretty much everything else in this show so i'm disappointed that this was the last thing we got #bc I've been saying this the whole time!! boston DOES want a romantic relationship and he's spent the whole show coming to terms with that #he really does love nick #and he wants romantic exclusivity (see: Boston getting upset and jealous when Nick is with other people) #but physical stuff doesn't need to have the same exclusiveness for him and that's literally fine #idk i just wish that last conversation had been written slightly differently. a couple different wordings could have fixed it all for me #like if Nick had SAID ''i can't do a non-exclusive relationship but i hope you find someone someday who wants that with you'' #that would have been fine #not ''i think you should be alone'' #idk. just really sat wrong with me #lgbt drama #thai drama #theo.txt #100

[messiahzzz]

When I came across that "joke" from Tav to Quill and Z'rell's comment (plus Halsin), I had to take a minute to process what happened. Gale might be a bit silly and eccentric but he's the kindest, sweetest and most passionate character in that party. No wonder the poor man has deep insecurities to solve, so many people reduce him to an easy target! Ofc one of the side effects would be overconfidence and ambition as a defense mechanism. He's obv lonely; only Tara and Morena ever loved him for him.

his eccentric nature might be a part of it. he is loquacious, outgoing, and doesn’t see the point in hiding his enthusiasm. he is considered to be the weird one. naturally, wizards in general being seen as somewhat squishy and physically weak might also add to it.

personally, i really don’t like the implications of the (widely considered) autistic-coded character being the one who faces the most ridicule by far by other characters and fans (and larian) alike.

some might disagree with me on that, but i don’t find it funny by any means either. mostly it just makes me feel bad. “he deserves it. cocky, arrogant, hubris-ridden wizard needs to be taken down a peg” like he isn’t… y’know… already at his lowest. it also disregards the fact that much of his bravado is part of his carefully curated Great Wizard of Waterdeep™ persona that he has skillfully adopted to mask his general feeling of being defective. being fiercely proud of your skill and knowledge and being doubtful of having something truly worthwhile to offer are mindsets that can coexist. according to fandom, gale is either secret hubris incarnate that is only waiting to be unleashed upon the world or pure baby that can do no wrong. instead of a character that is just as flawed and traumatized as all the others, but no less deserving of genuine love.

to me, the constant ridicule just reads as further feeding into his deep-rooted insecurities and his belief that he (as gale, the person) isn’t someone who holds inherent worth. it really, really doesn’t sit well with me.

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #but then again i believe that fandom still has a hard time grasping his character as a whole #we always talk about wanting complex and complicated characters that contain multitudes #but once we get them we don’t know what to do with them #and proceed to try our hardest to reduce them to a few select traits #gale is a kind and good-hearted person. that is not up for debate. #anyway gale deserves people around him who respect and cherish him and are genuinely supportive #protect that wizard and shower him in all the adoration. he needs it. #and i get you anon!!! i also really wish we could call out our companions & npcs #my tav would always keep a spray bottle on hand just in case #someone is being mean to gale again? [pssssht pssshhht] u stop that right this instant #on that note i also don’t like the undertone tav has when they have the option to talk about gale to other parties #what’s with the hesitancy and the derisive undercurrent??? #am i supposed to pretend that my tav wouldn’t turn into the personification of the will smith meme whenever they had the option to #talk about their bf/husband???? lies and slander #larian critical #it speaks