#i woke up early since i dont have to work today and was literally like no i wanna improve | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

Text

Hi again

I'm back here way sooner than I expected honestly. I'll start off with uh the week did NOT go to plan whatsoever but I'm trying to not end of the world mode off any and all deviation from my original plan sooo I am mostly okay with that. Ish. For one, I came to my senses and decided against the mini origami as filling. It woulda been cute yeah but she is a massive hoarder when it comes to any sort of sentimental shit so was just imagining her tryna store all 80 trillion of em and I was just like... nah...... lets not. I just told her the truth in the small aggressive take-the-damn-gift note I left. Plus I didn't sit there and try to rush like I thought I would. I actually accidentally did my own thing day one then shit just kept happening and... I boohooed and slept most of the week ngl 💀💀💀

THO one thing that happened that was slightly out of my control was my aunt invite/dragging me out to this event thingy. I believe I told yall I went to pride with her earlier this year and had a good time and apparently I didn't ruin it for them! Tho it's kinda bittersweet cause of a lot just.. family shit I wish I was young enough to stay ignorant to still. It was easy to play dumb growing up but now that I am a lot more emotionally intelligent annnnd now hang around with her alot its putting me in this corner that I have no clue how I'm going to get out of.

Anyway that was not the introduction to something as it probably sounded assss I have not slept in two days and while I am weirdly alert for whatever reason I am sure ASFFF not finna stay up tryna write. I alwayssss do it oml until I feel satistfied I'll go on and on. Basically tho, I was saying the 14th as R's brithday is on the 18th and I wanted to make sure that it'd be nearly guaranteed to be there in time so the plan was sending it 4 days early so it'd more than likely be there the day before and I could just tell her not to open (ah tho.. Im honestly just hype to see her reaction I dont think I'd bother to make her wait). Tho the concoction my aunt had me on... had other plans. I lost another day of my work week on Saturday to go with her and oh my god.. Sunday was out the question too. I wasn't so much gone gone it was just a LOT. I already crying the night before so I took like 900 or so tryna force myself to sleep before only to find out calcium can effect that stuff...? I don't know I could not sleep for the life of me even when I laid there chilling for at least an hour and a half. So no sleep + nearly a gram and most of it still floating around asss I took it not too long before all this + FOR ONCE NOT WATERED DOWN ALCOHOL (ish it was this big ass can of black cherry something) so I actually felt something fr + walking around and lowkey sweating.. + her possessed weed had me like. DONE. DONE DONE. I wanted to go to bed the entiiiiiree time I was there as I was shleepy plus I'm guessing since I don't smoke too often but I have a really hard time processing whats going on when Im off her weed so even with it mostly cooled off by the time I went home I died on the spot. Then I woke up, ate.. then promptly died for another 6.

Sooooo I sent it today. Lowkey in a panic as atp nothing was going to plan and I literally hadn't sent anything in the mail in so long I was scared I'd do it all wrong. I knew I could ask but. I am a ball of anxiety. Didn't even think of it til I was tryna calm down on the way back.

Tho explain to me how even with me getting just plain ass priority mail as the box I had on deck was bootleg and me previously calculating this shit out on the website and having everything seeming fine and dandy.

Only to look at the receipt and see that it's gonna come the day before more than likely

Like.. how on earth.

2 days?? AND I DIDNT HAVE TO PAY EXTRA????

I hope it's right! That'd be so convenient dude now I know whenever I'm sending her shit I only gotta time it for two days before

Annnd I know I still said I owed an explanation for my absence and shit and I am still holding myself accountable on that. Cause I mean.. what's the point in going back on my word on that you know?

This was just a little mini something to make it clear I did not die or anything. Plus the draft I was writing before was so fucking bad. SO bad. I was goneee tryna write while I was crying and the tears made me already shitty spelling so bad.. But the little tangent I went on was kinda sweet honestly. I neveer really get to joke about my grades in school so it was nice that me just talking shit about an old situation got me out my funk for a little. I think you'd be able to tell kinda. Or maybe only I can since I can see specifics on it that others wouldn't notice. I dunno. But yeah 2 stories about my notable bad grades in highschool. Its a more personal one so I would not be offended if this is where you'll stop reading. Just wanted to say I'm alr.

My dumb stories about my grades

I used to be on a robotics team

No.. not battlebots.. 🥲

Twas a FRC robotics team. Which means nothing to anyone outside the community but for people that've done it know all the hassle with that shit. My team was particularly bad with that. I was on a relatively historic team, one of last original teams that were still active, a triple digit team (very rare now as team numbers are given numerically and I think frc has like 8-10k teams now) annnd we had a few duties on top of just building a robot. Was a very involved rookie, mostly there for scholarship opportunities but I made a few friends there that made me stick around and in turn made me pretty reliable.

Which.. ah. I wish I could go back honestly. One of the worst times of my life. It was fun here and there, but for the most part it was just a lot to constantly stress on. First off, one of the only black people on the team and I was one of the few girls ("girls" sob sob) on the team

Im now fluid and while it doesnt bother me that people have and still mostly perceive me as a woman, having my womanhood highlighted for some buzz word shit/girlboss nonsense is a giant pet peeve of mine. One of the main reasons I moved onto fluidness. It's hard to explain honestly. I feel like I am a woman in some aspects but I'd rather it not be acknowledged. The fluidness would be in like how little I want that piece of me acknowledged. Somedays I'm completely chill and you can call me ma'am and use she/her without me even noticing it really. But other days that shit. Stings. I'll go out my way to look more neutral and I hope that even for a second people question what to call me. She/her is still pretty whateverish but fem terms piss me off to an extreme. These days I try to stay Isolated for the most part cause it's so bad I'd be on the verge of tears/in a blind rage over someone simply calling me young lady. I fully acknowledge that part of it ain't cool so I'm trying to better about making preferred terms clear during that stuff and even with that I try to avoid talking so I don't even have the opportunity to be misgendered

But with that all being said... my womanhood being tokenized WITH my blackness?? Hell. Hellllllllll.

I at the time didn't recognize my fluidness but having those non woman days back then and still having to be the bubbly girl rookie for a good I think 20-25ish hours a week was a lot. I was a tryna be the bubbly girl everyone expected me to be while also being shoved into a leadership position because of that previously mentioned tokenization. Which was hard as is. I wish I could go back then and just show my dumbass what I am now. I'm sure I woulda quit on the spot annnd came to my spicy basics style that I am now :)

Ah but slight tangent. Anyway uh that all was going on but I actually had more there going on. Our team was also had a lot of cattiniess and fakeness going on. A longtime family of the team had previous issues with them shoving their kids to the center of attention with EVERYTHINGGG. It was extremely frustrating as they'd want them to be the leader of anything worth a damn. On one hand, made sense. They were very talented and they were experienced in a lot of the shit we were doing. However, it ain't exactly a great look to have the team be essentially these two and everyone else just being the help. Plus, one was a junior and we had a strict rule about no one coming back to be a mentor for at least 2 years after you graduated hs (cause of previous events/drama before my time there, lowkey think it's a massive mistake as most alumni build enough of a life outside of the team in the time to the point that they can't/won't come back 95% of the time) so once he left it'd leave a huge skill gap if we allowed it. That and, I won't lie, the boys were dicks when they got down to business (a weirdly common trait with future engineering/computer science majors for whatever reason). While even in the short time I knew them I could see it mostly being due to their parents treatment of them, it was not a common thing apparently.

I tried to stick up for them where I could and talk and scold them when I could see they were out of line. I'm not usually all that bold but. At that point I was there more than I was home so I got a lot more comfortable airing my opinions there. Welp. Sort of. Me doing that somehow someway turned me into the fucking teams therapist. It was okay at first when I was handling a pair of privileged but well meaning and confused boys and it was all of my own will. But that shit turned into EVERYONE coming to me for shit like that. I've heard damn near everyone's dirty secrets at that point

Shoot. Mentors going through divorce and fantasizing/crushing on other mentors, them same grown ass mentors coming to me to whine and ask about the boys, this one team member with a weird savior complex that led him to whine and throw tantrum after tantrum since he wasn't getting his way, meeting my ex best friend and dealing with her abusive mother and her various now very obvious bpd related relationship issues, met my ex through that and promptly got groomed...

That was on top of the already complicated duties of just being on the damn team anyway. We were there damn near everyday for at least 3 hours at a time, including over 12 hour days on Saturdays. I was being pulled in every direction. Every two seconds I was tending one issue or another. Either dealing with the two faced team that would talk all partnership and fairness at large meetings and gatherings but regularly talk shit about any and everyone on the team, running to the rescue of my ex best friend whether that was wiping her tears because of something her mom said or did or helping her get with whatever dude she was interested in at the time or listening to my ex's whining about whatever he was stressing on which was usually my ex best friend that he played being over but like 2 mo after he fucked me over claimed he was always in love with. Just a lot for a 15-16 y/o to be dealing with. Especially with me going from not having friends close enough to have issues like that to having EVERYONE seeing me as they damn bestie

Which led to me to severely neglect myself. I wasn't showering the way I should, I was constantly picking at my skin (mostly my face ngl) and I started cutting around this time. I was extremely suicidal as well but I knew if I killed myself at that time it'd be a massive inconvenience for everyone since they were all depending on me. I started talking to my ex all night and sleeping every other day to accommodate. I started to completely forget about school entirely.

My grades tanked by my standards. I usually keep mostly high A's with a few B's in classes that were less lenient with my forgetfulness when it came to homework. But I started going from that to mostly b's and a few a's. I was just exhausted. I was ripping and running almost everyday and it wasn't even at its peak

The second semester was a lot more hectic with robotics, we had competitions left and right which started making me behind in a few classes. We at first would just miss a friday here and there but then it started to be Thursdays and fridays. THEN a week for world champs which was AWFUL to catch up from. Most of the teachers did not care that we were dipping and just gave us the work and we were to have it done by like... either the day we came back or a few days after. It varied ofc and i cant remember specifics specifics but i know it wasnt that that lenient.

Plus heightened tensions with the team as it was build/comp season, it was bad. Constant drama. Constant. I couldn't escape it. Shit tankkkkkked my GPA. Even as the comps and shit slowed down it was still so much extra and around this time I was in the "talking stage" with my ex and I was sometimes going days and days not sleeping tryna talk with him, with a quick nap for the like hour and a half I was home before robotics..

I semi fixed it by the end of the year. Mostly anyway. My ex best friend had an incident that landed her in mental institutes a few diff times so I had one less client to worry about for a little while. Once she came back I think me and my ex started dating like 2 weeks before the seniors graduated and left which was like a month before the rest of us got out. All that going on made me semi relax and get my shit together

It was as fixed as it could be lmao. I think I had a single A and all the rest were B's with an exception of economics....

Most teachers just ain't say nothing when I'd set an old assignment somewhere. They'd grade jt and boom. That's that. The teachers that would notice notice I didn't even bother trying and I'd instead do the last few assignments to the best of my ability and make sure I'd ace or damn near ace every test and that month with me dating my ex but not seeing him at school made things a lot easier. I didn't think I really needed to like FIGHT to keep his attention as much so I was sleeping more often. Plus, drama teamwise got a lot better as most of the team graduated and we went back to the non comp season schedule so wayyyyyyy less meetings and shorter ones too. Overall more sleep and less stress so more focus on school

Man.. and side note why the first week I was with my ex my skin damm near completely cleared?? That shit makes me want to kms looking back that is NOT fair 😭

Anyway. Everything got a lot better and having an entire month to pretty much exclusively focus on school was great. It was bout 30ish of the workload so long as I wasn't doing absolutes nothing through the year I could get a decentish grade. Plus, my issue was never that I wasn't understanding or remember what they were teaching. I would wear an earbud and listen to music during class and the switching focus between that helped me remember stuff better as I wasn't daydreaming or thinking as much.

Sooo for most I was all good. The tests were good, sleep was good, some old assignments were put in and all my new ones were pretty much 85-100 everytime, and most tests were a breeze. The assignments definitely helped ofc but for most classes me having consistently great test scores kept me at a mid-high grade anyway so the assignments just leveled shit out.

ECONOMICS HOWEVER. Holy God bruh. THE SHIT WAS ASSSS. The teacher I got was notorious for her horrible teaching, to the point multiple seniors warned me to switch out of her class if I got her. But, my dumbass not understanding how to do that mess, I was too honest on why I wanted to switch classes and got sat down and denied. They told me they couldn't switch me for shit like that and they said she had a whole other teacher with her now so it should be better anyway

Wrong.

Horrible bruh. HORRIBLE. 99% of the tests were just shit from her PowerPoints which was only vaguely related to the textbook. The extra teacher did us a favor and pointed out to focus on the PowerPoints and that helped a TON on tests. I would for the most part get near perfect/perfect scores as I literally didn't even have to attempt to read or anything. It was usually line for line from the PowerPoint

But there was two issues with that model

One: the little workbook/packet we were supposed to be working through with each chapter were mostly textbook based. Which was kinds hard as you were teaching yourself for the most part with that mess as the PowerPoints explained everything completely differently from the textbook and had their own examples. I usually didn't even bother cause I'd either be lost at what I was doing or it'd be some shit like oh make a poem about this or draw this and I'm like what? Fuck that wth

But two is what did it. The seemingly standard of tests being worth more than assignments was the opposite in her class. So I could sit there and clearly show that I was paying attention and I understand the concepts she was teaching and still fail the course since I didn't do the petty activities she'd copy and paste from the textbooks

I tried to argue my point as I literally only got the d because of my nearly perfect test score on the final which SHOULD BE THE IMPORTANT THING as that shows I learned wth I needed to. But a combination of an already stubborn teacher, her weird beef with me that was ongoing that entire semester (didn't believe I was in robotics fr and also got confirmed as a racist a little while into my senior year which made a few more things click as well.. 💀💀💀) and her doubt that I even actually understood the material as if I cheated... when I was usually one of the first done with the damn test just led me to drop it and deal with it

I ended up retaking the class my senior year as our school had a grade replacement policy and a special class I took had me ahead with credits anyway. Oddly enough got the same teacher again which was odd... but got it in the same hour with my youngest sister (that I live with anyway). She didn't get the extra teacher this year as dude quit last year but it didn't end up mattering cause of the pandemic. Waaaaayyy less focus on textbooks period as they ain't wanna figure out how they were gonna deal with sanitizing em so she changed her assignments accordingly. She acted stupid and acted like she didn't remember me... while ofc remembering to mispronounce my name everytime she said it 🙃

It was soo petty lmfao. I didn't even realize she was doing it until my sister corrected her a few different times. The way she was saying it was pretty common so i usually don't bother to correct people if they use that name instead as I've grown so used to it its basically a second name atp. But my sister ofc ain't used to it so she'd correct her everytime she said it. To give her credit, pandemic made it where we were completely online on semester and the next we were in 2 days a week, but at the same point... cmon now. It ain't even that deep 😭

I think like a month into us being back semi in person she called somebody a nigger bruh.. not in our class or anything but nonetheless it happened. I didn't hear too much of the context but it happened in her 4th hour class annnd she babied them the entire year to keep em from getting her fired. Like deadass buying pizza for these mfs, skipping assignments, taking em outside and turning a blind eye to a few seniors dipping when they was out. The whooooole shebang bro. That shit instantly made so much small shit she was doing in my sophomore year make total sense. I shoulda aggravated her and got her exposed earlier bruh....

Now gym???

Dude can kiss my dick bruh man was out here tryna tell my big ass to run mostly 85-100 degree weather when I not only TOOK THAT SHIT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL SPECIFICALLY SO I WPULDNT NEED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL but it ain't count cause of differences in the districts/states requirements but also had that mess as a third hour class, which meant a whole nother hour of sitting there sweaty af in another class until lunch. If I woulda had it as a 4th hour class I woulda been chill on that as lunch meant I wasn't rushing to anywhere and I could prolly whole ass lunch period to wash up if I wanted to.

But 3rd???

Got me fucked bruh

I'm not gon sit there sweaty and gross and only get 15 mins to change and get to a class across the campus (open campus thing.. no hallways just a big ass field with buildings and stairs around for the actual classrooms. Semi makes sense but still the most backwards shit I've ever seen) ANNND sit there still sweaty and half dead in a whole diff class

Semester before I barely got a B cause it started cool down to junk like 60-75 which is wayyyyy more my speed and I could do more without sweating too bad. Tho I was one of the only ones that ain't run. I wouldn't do any more than like.. 20 sec bursts with a looooooong ass recovery time. So warmup running shit was 95% walking for me and the mile ain't even attempt. I got a cool 21 mins on that shir 💀💀💀

The semester after is where it came to a head. By April I abandoned even them few seconds of running as by that point we were LUCKY to get anything under 95 and I was done just being out there. Going from MI's prolly 75-80ish spring/early summr and it not even mattering as we'd be indoor with ac all day to whole fucking sports and shit outside.. hell nah

We FINALLY start coming inside to play instead like 2-3 weeks before we dipped for summer break cause it was consistently 100 degree weather and even mfs that lived in AZ all they lives was going through it. Sooo we did our thing, I still ain't run out of habit ofc ofc but I did semi well at volleyball and badminton so that wasn't too notable. Gave me a bit of a boost so I went from like.. lowish c to a mid c which was cool

Then. Oh my god. Bro. So I got a like. Prolly 60 on the mile. Got it on some technicality that I didn't know about so I was pretty shocked on that. Second semester tho it was like over 100 and he'd be out his mind asking ANYONE to run out there. So instead of letting everyone else run while I leisurely waik and call it a day, we instead did the pacer teat

Dude explained it all to us. Basically was like every one pacer thingy is one percent. So, you'd have to run 100 of em to get a perfect score. There were ofc, the few dudes acting like this was some alpha male contest and kept going past that to show out, plus get extra credit, only to be told that was never part of the plan and they did that for no reason 😵‍💫

Ah but rewind mb mb. Uh dude explained and I was like... oh shit. Yeah I'm failing tf out this. The highest I've EVER gotten was a 26 in like.. elementary school. Shit was like 3rd-4th grade and I had since gotten A. Lot older and less active and B. Fatter. I've been overweight but not morbidly so my entire life. I think I'm now barely plus size. Kinda varying on where I'm getting the shit I'm either on the very end of normal sizing or the very very beginning of plus sizing, 0x. Uh which is oddly hard to find

Ah tangent tangent anyway yeah. I'm sitting there like fuck yeah I'm failing th out this final. At my peak I would be getting a 25% and I knew damn sure I wasn't at my peak. So I start calculating it all out.... I'd have to get like 50-60ish laps to pass the class. I'm already coming to terms with it, thinking about taking a summer class for it and keeping it moving, when dude stopped me at the end of class and STRESSED that I ran. Which lowkey pisaed me off ngl... uh but I knew why he did so I tried to not be spiteful the day of

I was tryna be a good little student. Got a matcha latte (soy. Tastes better + I'm lactose intolerant 😮‍💨) before and everything, thinking the little bit of caffeine would help

Only to damn near puke when I was running....

I could literally feel the shit sloshing around as I was going and I was like okay. I might gon head and do it so I can get out this shit early. But then I was sitting there like. Damn. Sweaty. Puke covered. And my mom works as I'm at school so I'd have to either hope that she come get me or the more likely option is they gon send me to the nurse, have me change back to my normal shit, then go back to it. Which was like ???? Nah what fuck that

I got a fucking 7 on my final bruh

😭😭😭

Dude came up to me like bro wth. You can do more. And the combo of me already being annoyed of him steady going out his way to point me out and me genuinely feeling like shit, I was just kinda bluntly like, I feel sick and I'm not chancing having to call my out of work for me to shower. He argued a bit I kinda just blinked and repeated myself lmao

Ig he felt bad or he was done with my bs but he last second made it a thing that you could continue walking laps around for partial credit. Which me and a few other people did. Which took my shit to like. I think a 50. Not amazing but no summer school so I was content. I had a high d+ but our school for whatever reason did not do the -/+ system at all for final grades. So whether you got a 90 or 100, you got a 4.0 A. Which was cool on one hand as you had a tooooon of wiggle room with grades but it was horribleeee when it came to cases like mine

Deadass was like... .2% from a 2.0. Which was like. Bruh. If I woulda got a 1.7, prolly still woulda asked for the extra .2 but at the end of the day it wouldn'tve been that big of a deal if they said no. BUT A WHOLE GRADE POINT AVERAGE LOWER? No.

So I asked. I didn't make it a big deal at first as I've never had to ask that sort of thing and I thought my argument was pretty sensible as is. And to my shock he ain't even say nothing back. Dude just did the shit and kept it moving. I'm sure he was tired of my bum ass steady working his nerves but I was not complaining. Wrote him a whole thank you email and kept it moving B)

Mb bruh massive tangent I never get to talk about that stuff anymore and it was like I was reliving it all in my head for a second 😭

#misc #excessively long #update

1 note · View note

jamieloveslearning · 2 years

Text

Had therapy today, it was really good. It was a video visit. If I had the brain power I'd write about what we talked about, but I dont.

That's what I wanted to talk about, the mental fatigue right now. Yesterday we had a tornado watch where I live and that was super stressful and a whole ordeal and I passed out at like 11:45 due to adrenaline crash, which was fun. That's early for me.

Second day on my new meds and I found out that they gave me 30 and I'm supposed to take them twice a day. The pharmacy messed up. Dunno if I'm even supposed to have dextroamphetamine instead of the regular amphetamine. They said to just keep taking them twice a day but I'm not doing that and then go half a month without anything, that's stupid. So I'm on new meds and technically I'm taking less now even though the dose increased.

When I was on only one amphetamine a day due to more pharmacy issues, I got super hungry, my appetite was insatiable. Today I forgot that food was a thing again. I only had breakfast. Then I did the thing where I got all upset over something small and then realised I needed to eat lol

Wild when that's some of the strongest emotions I've experienced lately. The other time was recently when I woke up from a dream, which I hardly ever dream. It kinda sucks, not feeling strong emotions, not dreaming, having a super low libido, but it's like, what can I do about it?

I'm working on the emotions thing, the one I have a little bit of control over. In the sense that I can pay attention to how I feel and learn what certain emotions are like and how to recognize them. Cause it's like, i don't NOT have emotions. They're just kinda....on mute. They're mostly physical sensations that I can feel, and thoughts. Sometimes an emotion will manifest itself as the "air" or "vibe" of the entire room. Hardly ever is it a sweeping sensation that envelops me, but when it does, it's always pretty refreshing. Even if it's a negative emotion like grumpiness.

Because of the super muted emotions, I've noticed a lot that like whether irl or something I'm watching, I'll just be vibing with something and then someone will say something like "wow, that was an emotional whiplash, I need a minute." And then I remember that my emotions work a little bit differently lol. Same thing with like, somebody seeing someone hot online and getting overwhelmed. Although I did see the prettiest person the other day and had A Moment, haven't stopped thinking about them since.

I dont really know what the cause or causes are, cause there are so many options. The antidepressant and adhd meds I'm on both lower emotional responses and libido. It could also be depression itself. It could be that due to adhd my emotions were so out of control that my brain decided to clap down on them. It could very well be the religious trauma and the good chunk of time I spent reading and reciting the sentiment that emotions couldn't be trusted and are liars and a way for satan to manipulate people (bullshit). It could be the unacknowledgement of my emotions from both my parents and the authority figures surrounding me. It could be literally a combination of all these lol

I have made so much progress but this effect is still very prevalent. I hope that one day I can conquer it, that I can tell my subconscious mine it's okay to feel. Ha, I'm not even cis and I still got a taste of that toxic masculinity, even if it wasn't actually tied to masculinity.

#online diary #natural disaster tw #pharmacy troubles tw #religious trauma tw #religion tw #satan tw #emotional numbness tw #emotional dissociation tw #dissociation tw #mental fatigue #mental fatiuge tw #tornado tw #pharmaceutical tw

1 note · View note

moonenjoyer · 5 years

Text

fucking! amazing!

#dont reblog /#i got literally 7 minutes alone #then my dad got home early n said he doesnt have to go to work for a week #amazing!! my least favorite person is gonna be home all day every day that im here #did i mention amazing!#its also like my older brother was supposed to leave 6 hours ago but didnt wake up until 40 minutes ago which is why i only got 7 minutes #n i havent been here 24 hrs n i still have 9 days n im already at my wits end w my family #especially since the reason i came 4 days earlier than i was gonna was to put my car in the mechanic #n within 20 minutes of pulling up yesterday my dad went ‘’i changed my mind just now. ur cars not gettin fixed’’#so like!!!! fuckkkkk im really fucking annoyed #ALSO since i got heres ive had to clean #LITERALLY i pulled up n before i finished taking my stuff from the car to inside they made me help rake leaves for 3 hrs #n i had to clean and move furniture all day today #n then my older brother kept me up until 1am n my parents woke me up at 4am and needless to say i think u get the point i have no fucking #clue how im gonna get through this fuckig shir #OH ALSO THEYVE ALREADY BEEN FIGHTING NON STOP #like i literally cant overemphasize how terrible everything is. like it always is w my family #::

7 notes · View notes

kingkatsuki · 3 years

Note

ahh uh hi! i had this idea that i thought you might enjoy so like i’ll just get into it.

also i mention ms. frizzle from the magic school bus.

so bakugo x preschool teacher reader.

just think about it.

bakugo never really thought about having kids himself, he was always too busy with work and just felt like he wouldn’t be able to be around enough for his kid. he didn’t necessarily not want them but he wasn’t ready for them. but watching you, his girlfriend of four years interact with a bunch of snot nosed brats everyday was starting to make him wonder.

when you would beg him to come and say hi to the kids for just a little while, which always landed up with him being used as a jungle gym until nap time but he loved it (but you wouldn’t catch him dead admitting that). with that being said today was one of the days you had got him to come in not only because you missed him but because he was currently in a bit of trouble with the press after a rough encounter with a journalist(? not sure if thats the word i’m looking for)), his pr team literally worshiped you.

so he woke up with you at four-thirty in the morning, why the fuck did you get up so early? normally you got up at six so what were you planning? anyway you drug him out of bed and into the shower with you brushing your teeth while in the shower. then you pushed him out of the bathroom because he always distracted you while you got ready. you didn’t do much with your face moisturizer and whatever other makeup or lack of thereof. then you moved on to your hair styling it in some child proof way. finally you left the bathroom and scurried into your closet where you stared at the line of themed dresses. (you know the ones i’m talking about-) you decided to skip the crayon dress and opt for the one that cow print, it was cute and the kids loved animals more than anything.

once you were finally ready to leave it was about five-thirty and bakugo had been waiting impatiently for you. he also never understood the need for all of the weird school themed clothes. but it did give him something to tease you about. it was always harmless little jabs, normally just about how much you dressed like the teacher from magic school bus. “hurry up ms. frizzle, you have brats to teach.” you scoffed and gave a reply without much thought. “personally i think mrs. bakugo sounds much better dont’cha think?” it shouldn’t have a such an impact on him but the thought made him happy that you would even consider marrying him. “shut up.” it was bashful and you knew you got to him.

once you finally got to your classroom you drug bakugo over the the small bookshelf you had near your desk. “pick one suki.” “why?” he was skeptical of your current motives. “because you my dear, are going to read them a book before nap time.” it wasn’t a question and he knew better than to fuck up your lesson plan but, normally you read them to sleep and could his voice even do that.

almost as if you sensed his insecurities you gave him a reassuring kiss. “you’ll do great, just try dont yell m’kay” all he gave was a short nod before picking out a children’s book about the first hero. it was his favorite as a kid.

giving a quick check to the time you started to get out supplies. some crayons and markers and a big poster board that you had already wrote on in big fancy letters; dynamite’s agency. you knew that a lot of the kids loved your husband but some of them loved his sidekicks even more. so since a few had gotten injured a few weeks ago and were just going to be coming back in a few days you decided to let the kids write down stuff they liked about the hero and his side kicks.

bakugo felt his heart clench at what you were doing, you knew he loved the kids art work. even though he never said it he made sure any art work you brought home was either framed in the home office or on the fridge. now he’d have one of his very own to post up behind the receptionist desk. the letters were big and bold with his hero colors and he couldn’t hold back the small smile he had. he didn’t have time to speak before you gave him instructions on where you needed him to move the desks so there would be a nice open space for the kids to gather around the poster. apparently you were on parent drop off duty.

by the time you had got back the the annoying brats he had made himself comfortable in the chair behind your desk. however the first thing he noticed was the little girl on your hip clearly she had just finished crying and was now contently sucking her thumb while you were holding her. it was the only way she’d calm down and you had to do this every morning since she enrolled until the crankiness wore off. she was a new student and she was still scared of everything. bakugo had felt a slight yearning when he pictured that kid as his. “aren’t you glad you came to class with me, it’s dynamite your favorite hero.” in an instant the girl was struggling to get down and almost tripped on her feet to him, she would’ve if he hadn’t steadied her, he acted with out even noticing it.

the little girl looked up at him with big glassy eyes and held her hands out “up!” he looked to you for help but you had the other nineteen students around you gushing about how pretty you were, how awesome their weekend was, or how nice you were. these kids loved you and frankly with the amount of times you brought bakugo in, he was more of a jungle gym who told cool stories. when he looked back down at the brat she had tears threatening to spill out of her eyes and he was freaking out even more. “up! up!” she pouted and stomped her foot the waterworks already starting, hesitantly he picked her up and help her like you did. instantly she stopped and leaned against him. had he just been manipulated by a four year old? yes he had.

glancing up from your students and seeing bakugo with her like that made you want kids more than you already did, you’d been dropping hints but he didn’t really pick them up. maybe this would kick his ass into gear. and it did.

the entire day that kid refused to leave his side even during nap time when he successfully read the kids to sleep, she held his finger. and when the end of the day came she didn’t want to go home even crying when he mom tried to get her from bakugo. after that fiasco when he got you back in your class room he was on you in an instant.

“fuck, you would be such a good mom.” he kissed you again this time snaking his hand up your dress. “i wanna give you brats, some of our own.” his eagerness and the fear of getting caught was riling you up more than it should. “please, fill me up! give me a baby!” that really made him feral. clearing your desk and bending you over it.

honestly i don’t know how it got this long- it was supposed to be a thirst. uh but i hope you enjoy i feel like my writing is a bit shitty here but whatever 🤷🏽‍♀️

Honestly, you should post this yourself because I loved it so so much! Please lemme know if you wanna copy and paste onto your blog and I will reblog it instead.

Im just imagining Bakugou being forced to come into your class for some positive exposure after getting into an unscrupulous fight with a villain. He doesn’t mind spending the entire day with you, but he supposes there’s other stuff he’d rather be doing on his day off. Like spending it in bed with you—

There’s kids in the class that have no shame and are so blunt when they talk to him, like “My dad said you blow things up on purpose.”, “my mummy thinks you’re hot. Is that because of your quirk?” “Do you think I could be as powerful as you one day?” “Did you really explode that mans arm off?”

And it’s so many questions so quickly Bakugou has no idea what to answer, his first instinct is to be just as bold and brash back but with one glimpse from you he finds himself answering honestly. Treating each kid like they’re an adult and listening to them mindlessly babble at him.

I love the bit you had with the little kid asking him to pick them up my ovaries were exploding🥺😭

And the moment where it’s nap time when he thinks they’re all asleep so he can finally have a moment with you he leans down to kiss you just to hear a chorus of “ewww” in the background and he turns around so red and flushed 😭🥺

Imagine even after he leaves the kids are asking when he’s going to come back in, and the photographs that appear all over social media start trending.

I just really love this.

#not mine #Bakugou thirst #kinda #just soft bakugou #I need this

195 notes · View notes

burnedbyshoto · 4 years

Text

a brush of luck

— In a world where soulmates exist you can communicate yours with a brush of a pen. It just doesn’t help that you are a certified idiot with a skill in misplacing things. —

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: fluff, angst, soulmate!au, cursing

word count: 4,229

a/n: this is for the bnaharem collab and I was super horrible and was not ready and i just woke up and threw this together please dont hate me uhuhuhuhhh see the masterlist here!!!

message to join my tag list!

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Hey, y/l/n, you forget this!”

Your hair was falling into your face, your face flustered, and your binders filled with paper seemed to be liquid as they slowly fell to the ground.

Kaminari stood behind you when you turned around. His lips were picked into a kind smile. It was a teasing one too by the small glint in his eyes while he held onto your backpack and phone. A look of self-realized stupidity washed over your face when your head threw back into a groan. How stupid were you, really?

“I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed, throwing your things onto the nearest desk. You felt the tips of your ears burn with embarrassment when Kaminari helped you slip on your backpack and pocketed your phone in the jacket pocket. “I swear I’m the most forgetful person in the world.”

“Well, you do really clinch the title of the person who would forget their head if it wasn’t on their shoulders.”

Snorting, you shoved him with your shoulder, and he helped you regather your things with a low groan.

“Let’s see the tattoo,” you grin, ready to head out once again. Groaning loudly, Kaminari didn’t seem to want to give in to your demand, but still, with a twitch of his eye and a shove of his sleeve, he showed off his arm. “You know what, I’m going to say it—”

“I’m going to say it, I don’t care that you broke your elbows,” Kaminari finishes the phrase with you with a snort.

“Do you think it’s the first thing out of their mouth or matching tattoo?” you asked curiously when you blond best friend also prepped to leave the classroom for the day.

“I hope its the first thing out of their mouth, imagine how fucking ultra sexy foxy hot that would be,” Kaminari moaned, his eyes rolling to the back of his eyes at the thought. Gagging at the visual horniness of that thought, you walked away, grinning at the way that Kaminari stumbled over his feet to catch up with you.

This was the world you lived in, the world of soulmates.

You weren’t sure when they had first started, but you know that it wasn’t always a phenomenon that was around. When you roamed the internet looking at old, old stories on soulmates, these theories, these worlds were built on one single concept.

They wrote about a world of black and white for everyone until that fateful moment, or matching tattoos for everyone. But no, this world was much more complicated, much more detailed. Yes, in the world there were a lot of theories that ended up being true, but the thing they didn’t see coming was that every couple — every polyamorous relationship consisted of a unique theme.

Kaminari’s soulmate was linked with tattoo’s, and the purpose behind said symbol was unknown, unheard of until he met them. Yours, as you could guess and know, was also different. Pressing your fingers against the pen that sat on the inside pocket of your uniform jacket, you smiled when Kaminari’s arm was thrown around you.

“At least you’ve never lost or forgotten that pen of yours, that would be dangerous!”

“I promise I will never ever forget it.”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You sat on your bed nearing midnight. You were cocooned into your blankets flipping through your Hero Lawbook that you were supposed to have read months ago, but now finally was. Humming to yourself, you read through the apparent laws and the not so evident laws.

For instance, there is a law that Pro Heroes are not allowed to eat off the edge of buildings anymore! American transfer students had littered so much it became a law!

Snorting to yourself, you flipped the page.

But something warm pressed into your forearm, the most heated energy that sent shivers down your spine. It was comforting as it was ethereal. The second your body recognized the feeling, the Hero Lawbook went soaring across the room, and you grabbed your pen that was waiting at your side for ages now.

Hi, sorry I’m just able to get back to you. I had a bunch of homework and friends who just let me leave them.

Smiling to yourself, you twirled the pen in your fingers and scribbled down your response:

It’s all good, I’ve been studying this entire time too, was just bored and didn’t respond to you earlier today!

Your soulmate theme was straightforward and quite comprehensive — it was dubbed the Forearm and Pen theme (you hated that theme). You could communicate with your soulmate by writing with the pen on your arm, but it only worked with that pen, nothing else.

The year you were to turn sixteen, you received a pen from literally out of the blue. You remember celebrating New Year with your class in your first year at U.A.; it had been an enjoyable night! Everything in life was still going fantastic, and your class was finally past the excellent friend’s point and felt like a genuine family. You remember hugging and telling everyone good night, still being fifteen at that point, and stumbling back to your room exhausted.

When you had gotten back to your room, you didn’t even undress; simply tugging off your pants and removing your bra, you threw yourself onto the bed. But you had landed on something stiff and painful, groaning your hands shuffled for whatever it was that you fell on, and when you grabbed it, you froze at the sight of the white box.

Was this a gift?

Your entire life, you had always wondered if you did have a soulmate, most people you knew after all had soulmate markers that appeared since birth. But you were perfectly normal. You saw all colors; you had no shared pain; there was no tattoo, no mind link, no dream meetings.

Nothing.

You were normal.

Sighing, you opened the box, hoping that it was from someone you at the very least respected.

Inside was a silver pen.

You blinked your eyes rapidly, unsure of what you were looking at, there were no initials, no engraving, nothing.

It was an exquisite pen, and despite what you thought, it was very, very light. Frowning, your fingers pushed down on the pen, but there was nothing that came out, was there no ink?

Shrugging, you dragged it against your arm feeling the way that the cool tip delicately massaged your arm. It felt nice.

“Holy shit!”

Your eyes saw the pretty grey silvery ink on your forearm. It stood out against your skin, the ink appearing nowhere else but your arm, and then it hit you.

This was for your soulmate!

With excitement tearing through you, your exhaustion no longer bitting on your skull, but the overwhelming need to know that this was for your soulmate shook you awake. Twirling the pen in your fingers, you couldn’t help but start writing.

OMG HI

You sat there staring at your forearm, unsure as to what to do next. What do you do next?

Hey?

If your heart could be anywhere but your chest, you were nearly positive it existed within your throat at this very moment. This was nervewracking, holy shit.

Sorry, you don’t know me, but I’m ___ ___.

You frowned when you tried to write your name, it was stopping you.

It seems that we do have some rules to this entire thing.

They responded back to you, and as if they could hear you, you groaned loudly.

This soulmate shit was already stopping your excitement, it seemed.

From that very first night, the two of you were able to discover a few things. First off, anything too personal was not allowed to be written out. So names, location, and gender were the biggest ones. Birthdays were not, and you were quick to find out that both of you were still fifteen. Second of all, just because you couldn’t figure out where exactly you both were located, you did manage to put together that you were both in Japan. Third of all, your soulmate was a Hero in Training just like you and was a male. Last, of all, you were quick to realize that you were in love with the way your body felt like it was gently warming up whenever he messaged you.

I think I deserve a round of applause.

You grinned after writing your sentence, your eyes watching while the warmth filled your body and his writing slowly appearing on your forearm.

Did you not forget anything today? I find that hard to believe.

You had to suppress a scream.

WELL, IT HAPPENED! I GOT EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO BRING BACK TO MY ROOM WITH ME!!

Weren’t you the one who forgot to bring your entire backpack to school the other day?

NO! I said I almost did, but my bestie got it for me!

How do you forget everything? I think you should try to make a list to make sure that you always have things you need for the day.

... I do… but I always lose the list, and im always running late…

You’re the worst…

Congrats bbg, I’m your soulmate

The world really doesn’t want to bless me with a good life, it seems…

HEY, THAT’S MEAN!

The two of you banter for what seems like hours, the night sky fading from blackness to the deep blue of the sky right before the sunrise. You had spent the entire night curled into your pillow, your face shoved into the soft fabric to suppress your chortling snorts because you geniunely enjoyed interacting with your soulmate. But it was late, and you both had classes early that next morning.

Okay, asshole, I need to sleep! I got this stupid test tomorrow that I did not study for. I'll write to ya tomorrow!! Goodnight!!!

Don’t be rude to your soulmate :( but goodnight, and good luck on that test, sorry for keeping you up.

Smiling at his words, you put the pen to your forearm one last time.

I will never ever accept your apology for making me stay up, I love talking with you, goodnight soulmate, sweet dreams.

You placed the pen down, your eyes fluttering close, heavy with sleep. But still, no exhaustion could suppress the fluttering warmth in your body when words appeared on your arm.

Sweet dreams, soulmate.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Fuck, sorry,” you groaned when you sleepily slammed into the person standing in front of you.

Blinking tiredness away from your eyes — poorly at that too — you focused up at Shouto. Grinning, you waved at your classmate, who looked almost as exhausted as you felt and definitely looked.

“It’s okay,” he nodded at you stepping to the side so that the two of you could walk side to side.

“You ready for that test today?” you asked after moments of silence.

You and Todoroki Shouto were not as close as you would like to be. Since day one, you had always had a thing for the duality of a man, and while it was mostly superficial feelings derived from the fact that he was attractive above anything else, it still made you awkward around him. At the time, your feelings were still holding you down, you always fully believed that you had no soulmate, so you thought maybe you could sweep him off his feet. It was rumored that his scar covered up his own soulmate mark, so there was no way for him to know who his soulmate was.

Selfishly and embarrassingly, you hoped that you could have him.

Then you met your soulmate, and things changed.

But now you and your classmates were all eighteen and held the world in your hands, yet you couldn’t speak to him usually still.

“There’s no test today?” Shouto stilled, his eyes narrowing in confusion, and your eyes screwed too.

“Isn’t it… Friday? We have a Hero Law test?”

“Y/l/n,” Shouto snorted a grin spreading across his features, “It’s Wednesday.”

If there was a god, he would shoot you right now.

Your cheeks burned with embarrassment while you walked faster to the classroom, Shouto keeping up with your pace easily, he was taller than you after all.

“Shut up,” you warned, your gaze not reaching Shouto’s who was staring at you.

“I wasn’t speaking.”

“I could hear you thinking!”

Shouto put on a smirk, his eyes teasing you, and his mouth dropping to speak, but there was a loud interruption.

“Y/L/N-CHAAAANNNNNN!!!!”

Both of you turned to see Kaminari chasing after you, his arms waving, looking out of breath.

“YOU FORGOT YOUR JACKET AND TIE!”

Shouto chuckled beside you, and you stared down to see that you were, in fact, only wearing half of your uniform. If there’s a god, he will end you now, you thought.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You're not serious right now, are you?

Going on three years of knowing your soulmate, or at the very least talking with him, you thought you had a good understanding of who he was. He was strong, powerful, and kind. He came off a bit standoffish at times but was the dumbest person you’ve ever known. Common sense was not his friend, and that was okay.

Even at times when the two of you had your differing opinions because it did happen, it never snowballed more into a small annoyance that the two of you would apologize for and move on. But this was something that shouldn’t have had become a fight, it shouldn’t have been anything more potent than a difference of opinion, but when you suggested entertaining the thought of when the two of you would finally meet, he was uncharacteristically cold.

Hurt by his tone, you told him, and he said you to grow up until it became this written fight.

Why couldn’t you talk about meeting?

Why didn’t he want to think about what would happen when the two of you would meet?

It was getting ugly for no reason, a fight just to fight, and it was making you nauseous.

But he crossed a line that couldn’t be fixed when he wrote a simple sentence:

Just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean I have to love you, meet you, or marry you.

So there you sat, your bottom lip trembling with tears streaking down your blotchy face. He wasn’t being serious, was he? There was no way… no fucking way this was him. The warmth that flooded your body with his new message felt ice-cold, poisoning you from the inside out while you read it.

You're my soulmate, but I have no obligation to do anything with you now or ever. The world chose you for me, not me. I didn’t choose you. I don’t owe you anything here. Soulmates are bullshit and don’t fucking bother messaging me again if you expect me to fall in love with you just because our “souls are connected”

It was needless to say that you didn’t respond back, not because you felt like he should love you because of your connected souls, but because your sobbing and broken emotions left you curled into a ball, ready for a sleepless slumber to take you.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“You don’t look too hot,” Kaminari told you, hitting you with his foot when your bleary and puffy eyes stared at your best friend.

Kirishima and Mina, who were sitting beside him, elbowed him at the same time, berating him for his insensitive comment. You could feel Sero and Bakugou staring at you, their eyes concerned and curious.

“What’s eating ya up?” Sero asked, and you found a rock-forming in your throat when you shrugged.

“Soulmate problems…”

“That was fucking obvious,” Bakugou rolled his eyes, taking a drink of his water. “Tell us the problem, not a stupid summary.”

Surprisingly that’s all it took for you to come undone, and you explained what happened with tears falling down your face and a sniffling nose. There was a lot to tell them about it, and you showed them the pen while explaining the entire story. They listened to every word you uttered, faces concern but taking in everything you said.

“You’re an idiot,” Bakugou spoke the second you were finished, his eye twitching while he glared at you. You swallowed thickly, placing the pen on the table while Bakugou edged closer towards you. “He’s not wrong, you know, stupid fucking soulmates are just this irrational solution to an irrational problem. Love is much more complex than that, and you don’t seem to have been fighting for him in that way either, sure you seem like good friends, but that doesn’t give you the right to expect him to love you. But he was a complete fucking dick about it, so I say kill him.”

Your — and all of the rest of your friend group — eyes widened at his words. With nothing to follow him up, you all continued to stare at him while he munched on his food.

“WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING EXTRAS LOOKING AT!”

“Is Bakugou a love expert?” Mina’s stage whispered to the group.

“He almost was, but then he said to kill y/n’s soulmate, so probably not anymore,” Kirishima responded back.

“SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I KILL YOU!”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

It took four days before the warm feeling shot through your body again.

Fuck, I'm really sorry, I was a complete fucking dick. I said a lot of things, and i didn’t mean to say I was angry and upset, and I know that you're upset, rightfully upset, but i don’t want to lose you.

No matter how long it took for him to get back to you, your heart squeezed with euphoria and poison, your hands moving to grab your pen in your pocket.

It wasn’t there.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

You tore apart your room, trying to find the silver pen but you couldn’t find it.

Stay as mad as you want, I just… please talk with me soon, even if it takes five days. I'm sorry, soulmate.

Frustrated tears poured down your face, nausea almost making you wheeze when you stared at the words you wanted to reply to.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

One day after he apologized:

Don’t want to bother you, just wanted to apologize again and say that I miss you, talk to you soon.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

Five days after he apologized:

I’m not really sure if this is normal or not… I'm not really… educated when it comes to romance and shit like that, especially when it comes to someone being upset with the other… my female classmates told me that I should expect a response from you soon. I'm really sorry, please write soon.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

So it seems that i’ve fucked up to the point of no return. I'm sorry, I miss you, I love you. Maybe one day I can reconvince you that I'm your soulmate for a good reason, but I guess I’ll have to work on that.

It had been fourteen days since he had apologized, and you sat in your room with tears streaming down your face. You wanted to respond back, but even fourteen days of tirelessly searching U.A.’s entire campus, ripping it stone by stone, there was no finding your pen. Every day without fail, he gave you an update of his day and another apology. Every day they got more hopeless, more pained.

This was his last message for a while, he needed time to work things out with himself now, the strain of this and graduation coming soon being too much to handle at the moment.

Wiping your tears for what felt like the hundredth time within this past twenty minutes, you stood up on your wobbly legs to go downstairs for water. You were dehydrated and absolutely needed to get out for both fresh air and water.

Walking down the stairwell with swollen eyes, you groaned when you slammed into a body when you opened the door to the common area.

Shouto blinked down at you, and you felt your throat clampdown at the pained look in his own eyes.

“Have you been—”

“Are you—”

You both spoke over each other, and despite the horrid feeling coursing through your bones, you cracked a smile.

“I’m getting water,” you explained with a shrug. “Long night ya know, just needed to replenish my system so I can cry some more.”

Shouto stared at you, and with horror, you realized precisely what you had said.

“Oh my god, ignore me!” you squeak, covering your face trying to move past him, but Shouto seemed to be curious now and followed after you.

“What’s making you cry?” he asked while you rush to the fridge to get your glass of water.

“What’s got you upset?” you counter downing the cup of water.

Shouto sighed, leaning against the counter of the island in the kitchen. “Would it be weird to say its soulmate issues?”

Swallowing the water in your mouth, you shook your head, a tired smile on your face, “Embarrassingly enough, my issue is also with soulmate stuff.”

A joyless chuckle escaped his mouth, and Shouto’s head tilted backward. You studied his jaw and the way his body seemed tense, too tense.

“What happened?” you press gently standing next to him, shouldering him gently.

“I fucked up, and now my soulmate won’t talk with me,” he says slowly, his head nodding while he glances at you. “I guess telling your soulmate you don’t want them is a bad thing.”

You snorted, nodding your head in agreement, “It’s not just a bad thing, its a super fucked up thing.”

Shouto sighed in agreement, and there was silence when you took another drink of your water.

“I didn’t know you were in contact with your soulmate, though,” you smile wistfully, your hand twirling the cup on the counter. “How’d you meet them?”

“I actually don’t know who they are,” Shouto admitted with pursed lips, and your eyebrows scrunched in confusion. “I have that soulmate thing where you write on your arm, and they can read it.”

Showing off his arm, you glanced at the pale skin. You nodded your head when he pulled out a silver pen that looked similar to yours.

“Well,” you shrug your shoulders, motioning him to write. “I’m no expert, but let’s see if I can help you get your soulmate to forgive you.”

“T-They haven’t responded to me in two weeks…” Shouto’s voice cracks, and the number burns a hole through your stomach. “I’ve written every day, but no answer. I don’t really know what to do, and all the girls in the class don’t really know what to do. Bakugou also said to go fuck myself over it, so I don’t think I really have had any help.”

Ignoring the twisting in your stomach, you willed your weirdness away to shuffle in your seat, “Well, you haven’t asked me, asshole, come on, let’s see what I can do.”

Shouto chuckles, his head nodding, “That is true, but to be fair, you’ve been anywhere, but in the dorm these past few weeks.”

“I lost something,” you mutter embarrassed, but you shake away your problems and point at his wrist. “Write an apology.”

You watched when he wrote, the words expressing his apology and love seeping through the silvery ink on his wrist. You told him to add things to delete things, but in the end, it ended up feeling like a genuine and sincere apology. You watched his pen leave his skin and a warmth shot through your arm.

Shivering, you looked at your arm, trying to see what your soulmate had written to you even though he said he was going to stop.

The words he wrote appeared on your skin.

Your eyes widened when you stared at Shouto, who was also staring at your arm.

Your eyes met in an almost world-altering way. This entire time, for three whole years, the two of you had been by each other and never knew. Midnight conversations wasted through ink instead of face to face. Your heart hammered in your throat, and tears once again poured from your eyes when you both stood at full height, staring at each other.

Todoroki Shouto was your soulmate — he was yours, and you were his.

“I’m so sorry, y/n, I don’t know what happened to me. You didn’t deserve that, and fuck, I’m so sorry—”

“I lost my pen, and I couldn’t respond back, I forgave you, but I had no way of reaching back! But I was always forcing myself onto you—”

You both interrupted the other, and now you stared at each other, drinking in the presence of each other and belittling yourselves for not knowing sooner; looking at it now, it was just so obvious. You can’t help it and pull him into a hug. His strong arms wrap around you, and you can hear his hammering heart on your ear, and it fills you up with the familiar warmth when he writes you. This seemed to be a brush of luck it seems.

“Can I kiss you, soulmate.”

“Please do.”

#todoroki shouto #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki fluff #bnha #bnha x reader #mha #mha x reader

2K notes · View notes

bedtimebrain · 3 years

Text

EXO Baekhyun: Cry for Love Part 1

Boldly writing this very unlikely scenario about baek. Part of me just feels like there might be a part of baek that might be in such a situation if he ever feels so deeply for someone that is not be able to handle the stress of dating an idol.

Using the song title of one of my favourite songs from his latest album for this~ there’s going to be 2 parts(hopefully not 3), and just a disclaimer the ending might not be fluff, so don’t get started if you’re not prepared !

Edit: Part 2 is up! (No part 3 tho, thankfull)

Part 2

Characters: Baek x You

Baekhyun finds himself falling for you, but feels he cannot be so selfish to put the burdens of dating an idol upon you. In an attempt to control his feelings, he tries to stay away from you

Standing across the narrow road opposite to Wendy Cafe, Baekhyun looked intently inside, with a sort of sourness at the back of his throat. This is at least 5th time this guy has been here, and it’s been the second time this week already. His inner self was literally scowling at that thought, but what could he do?

His phone that vibrated in his pocket called him out of his thoughts. It was a call from his manager, asking him to return to the SM building.

Taking one last look at you, at the guy, and at the cafe, he placed both his hands back in his pocket, head facing down and walked back to where his car was.

During the ride back, he thought long and hard, was this the right thing to do? Just 4 months ago, was the first step into the cafe the beginning to this unwanted path ?

He can’t help but replay once again all that started 4 months ago...

——

‘Bye! See you next week!’

Ending his gym session for the week, baekhyun headed for the carpark, eager to get there quickly. Today, he was to be home for a family dinner.

He had been up till late yesterday, practicing and preparing for EXO’s new album. With just 4hours of sleep, his ruined body clock woke him up in time for a gym session in the afternoon. Beating himself to be disciplined so that he can show his best image to Eris during the comeback, he got himself to the gym.

But now, the sweat from the gym session coupled with his sleep debt, was making him feel extra sleepy.

Needing some caffeine in his system, he stopped his car by the roadside to search up coffee houses nearby. Scrolling through, Starbucks -too crowded , dal.kom- he was not a fan , Daebak Coffee and Tea - seems very popular among reviews, Wendy Cafe - no reviews.

Feeling it’s best to avoid crowded cafes on a Friday afternoon, he decided to give Wendy Cafe a try. Following the voice of Google maps, he found himself along a narrow road, secluded and outcasted from the bustling roads just 2 minutes ago.

‘Am I at the right place? Why would someone open a cafe here?’ He loudly spoke in a typical monologue with himself

Just as he was about to give up, a small signboard peeked out from the brick wall stretching along the road.

‘Ah yes, found you! I hope I didn’t make the wrong choice’

After parking his car, he crossed the road to the cafe.

Wendy’s Cafe was clad in wood and white, wooden tables, white chairs, surrounded by grey walls. It was so small only about 6 people could be seated by the tables. To make up for it, a counter-side table was made available and soft music played in the background. Walking in, Baekhyun felt a comfortable sense of peace and relax.

‘Hello, 1 Ice Americano please’

‘Hello, that will be $5.. omo’ Just as you looked up at him, you were shocked to recognise him as Baekhyun from EXO. But you quickly recovered in time, taking the money from him and continued your chores.

Seeing that you have recognised him, he nodded politely. He appreciated your politeness and professionalism to not overreact. And proceed to wait patiently for his coffee.

‘Thank you, have a nice day’ you smiled brightly at him and handed the coffee over.

Just then, it started pouring heavily outside, stopping Baekhyun in his tracks.

‘Should I drive back now ? It’s a long journey back and it’s raining so heavily ...’ he thought

‘Do you want to wait out the rain instead? It’s not too safe to drive in such heavy rain. No one comes here on rainy days, I can put out the close sign for you if you like’

You asked rather sincerely

Looking out again at the rain, he weighed his choices. He was going to be drenched if he crossed the road but what if you were one of those fans that would expose where he was to everyone?

He was feeling a little suspicious inside, afterall why would you close the shop to business just for him?

‘You can take the table furthest away from the window if you’re worried’

He looked at you, judging a book by it’s cover. And decided it doesn’t appear like you would turn out to be one of those crazy fans and took the option of waiting out the rain.

His phone was running out of battery, so instead of sitting by the corner table all bored and lonely, Baekhyun sat on the bar counter table instead; facing you and the other male employee who were busy with fresh bakes.

You presented a bite size muffin on a white plate and gave it over to him. ‘It’s on the house, we’re not going to have any more customers anyway’

Being curious since the start, he asked ‘why would your boss open a cafe right here? It’s really not the best location to be attracting people right?’

Laughing slightly, you replied

‘My boss? That would be me, and does this cafe look like I want to attract people in? The tables are all for 2s, I’m just encouraging solitude here’

‘You own this place? Wow I would suppose you’re only in your early 20s right? Anyway this place does give a sense of quietness that we dont quite get outside. I like it’ He lively replied

‘Yeah, I just wanted people that come by to be able to stop and find quietness they don’t get anywhere else. Finding time for themselves to be away from noisy city life just a few minutes away’

Not really having anything to say to that deep thought of yours, he simply replied ‘Ahh... I see. Uh, thanks for muffin, it smells tasty’

You smiled politely and left him to himself as you cleaned up the open kitchen.

The rain that was beating the ground outside was almost like a lullaby to Baekhyun. The warmth of the shop and the music aided the rain and drowsy effects he was having, shortly without knowing, he drifted to sleep. --

‘Baekhyun ssi, Baekhyun ssi’ you tapped him lightly till he woke up

‘It stopped raining, do you want to head off’

‘Oh my , can’t believe I slept, but that was certainly the quietness I need, haha. I’ll be leaving. Thank you for the coffee’

As he left, he thought to himself that he will surely be back.

—

A week later, he came back. On that day, he saw from outside that you were casually sitting down by on of the tables, chatting with a middle age office lady.

Opening the door, he caught your attention and you smiled slightly to acknowledge. As you were the only working employee today, you got up from the table to serve him.

‘Hi Baekhyun ssi, I see you’re back. Ice americano for you? Or would you like to try something else? Wendy’s special for a bright sunny day’

‘Sure I’ll go for the Wendy’s special’

Handing over the coffee to baekhyun, you asked

‘I heard EXO’s preparing for a comeback. How’s it going for you?’

‘Did you search up on EXO after you saw me last week? Hahaha. Anyway it’s fine, it’s just the discipline in diet, exercise and health that’s annoying’

‘I see. And nah, don’t make me sound like a stalker fan please. I just moderately keep up with kpop in general’

‘Anyway is the middle age lady there your friend? Or do you just chat with your customers all the time?’

‘Oh, she’s just a customer. Really depends though, some people come here seeming to have heavy thoughts, sometimes when I notice I’ll just casually chat with them. Some others are here really putting up a do not disturb sign. Those I wouldn’t bother’

Being cheeky, Baekhyun asked ‘what about me?’

You thought for a while before answering

‘Like a cat? Like those I would give some affection to before letting them run off so they don’t start scratching me. I mean not saying you would be aggressive, but rather, I’m sure a good balance of chat and quietness would be best for you’

Raising his brows and thinking through what you just said, he smiled after a while and went on sipping his Wendy’s special by the counter again. Occasionally, he would look up from his phone to chat with you.

—-

For that 1 month, it seems like he started developing a routine to drop by your cafe for short breaks. He enjoyed your company and somehow your cafe seemed like a place of comfort and refuge. With you, he could talk about anything, from the laughters to the deep insides. Over there, the burdens of being an idol is always momentarily lifted.

On the first week of the 2nd month you guys met. He dropped by again, only to find that the lights were off. A little surprised, he went up to the door which pasted a notice

‘the shop will be closed till further notice due to the owner’s personal reasons. Sorry for any inconvenience caused’

His regular high spirits whenever he came by was dampened as he read the notice. Turning back, he headed off.

The next two weeks, he drove by repeatedly, at least 2 times a week, but your shop was still closed.

It made him a little worried, did something happen to you? But seeing how you left this shop behind with just a notice also made him feel a little down, strangely. It made him think that was he nothing but just a customer to you? He had thought you guys were friends, friends with a special bond, one who he could tell everything to, and place so comfortable almost like his home sofa. But the sign that hung coolly by the cafe’s door left no sign of that friendship held.

Whenever he wasn’t working or was by himself, he pondered over what happened to you. Looking at his phone, he suddenly felt a disconnect. You both knew so many things bout each other but not each other’s numbers. There was nothing to call to reach you. Wherever you are, were you thinking about what you left behind?

He thought to himself

let’s not be too invested into this coincidental friendship

He made up his mind, tomorrow he was going to make a final intentional trip down. If you were still closed, he told himself he would never drop by intentionally again just to check if you were open.

—-

Driving by the next day, his heart was beating fast. And was as if the heavens heard his words, the lights of your cafe were on.

The sign outside still hung closed, but he walked briskly over and stood by the door. You saw him and beckoned him inside.

‘Hey! What’s up with you? Where did you go? ’ Within him he heaved a sigh of relief, finally seeing you again. But his heart wouldn’t stop racing as he waited for your answer. Looking at your face, he can’t help but notice you’ve lost some weight, making him a little worried.

‘Hey Baekhyun ssi, it’s nice seeing you again’

You smiled at him your normal smile and there was no hint of anything extra apart from the normal customer service you gave him. Your lukewarm reply bothered him a little, was he the only one who considered you both as friends? That thought came but left quickly

‘I went home to visit my parents, unfortunately I fell ill. Pneumonia.. Got me in bed for a really long time’

‘Oh no, no wonder you lost some weight? I hope you’re feeling much better already. But you’re not opened today?’

‘Yes I just came back to tidy up this place.’

Not really wanting to leave yet, he offered to clean the place for you, also worried you might not be feeling the most recovered yet.

‘Do you want to have dinner together tonight?’ Baekhyun asked on impulse.

You looked up, a little surprise, but didn’t reject it.

‘Probably not at restaurants or something though. Delivery , do you mind?’ He added

You were never someone who seemed bothered about such trivial things, as expected you agreed.

Over dinner Baekhyun was his chirpy self again, telling you about all he wanted to say the few weeks you guys didn’t met. You listened to him without much words, only saying words when it mattered, as usual.

As you guys were eating and chatting, there came a point where a comfortable silence settled between you both.

Till you broke it

‘Baekhyun ssi, can I share something with you?’

Though he wasn’t expecting this, he was ready to listen.

‘Go ahead’

‘When I went back, I found out my one and only best friend had died in a car accident. And no one told me because they were afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle it alone in Seoul. He.. was all I had.. when I was bullied because people thought I was weird... when I didn’t fit in... he.. he..’ you couldn’t continue as you burst into uncontrollable tears.

Handling such situations was definitely not something Baekhyun was most comfortable with. Catching him off guard, he internally panicked, Omo, what do I do. What should I say? Deciding the only appropriate thing to do was to pat your back or your head. He reached out and gently comfort you, feeling a little awkward.

After a good 3 minutes you finally calmed down. But still, Baekhyun didn’t exactly know what to say to a crying girl

‘Are you feeling better? Care for some BingBing now? Ice cream cannot solve your problems, but it’s sweet at least ’

You managed a laugh, and Baekhyun went to the kitchen fridge to pull out the ice cream that came with the dinner earlier.

On the drive home, Baekhyun decided that sometimes a friend is the ultimate remedy to sorrow. And as much as you have been there to hear him out, he wanted to pay it back to you too.

——

But slowly, their comeback preparations were getting more and more hectic. He no longer had the liberty of time to plan what he wanted to do. But today, there was a short 2 hour interval of free time and they were free to do whatever they wanted.

Deciding between whether to crash at dance practice room or to head to your cafe, he decided to do the latter instead. Though he was feeling rather tired, it has been at least 3 weeks since he came by to say hi. He left after telling suho he’ll be back swiftly.

—

Reaching your cafe, he was surprised to see you smiling and laughing so heartily as you were chatting by the counter with a fashionable young man. When you both spoke, you were always giving him polite smiles and laughters, somewhat out of manners? It somehow hurt his pride a little that while he still thought about you when he was away, did you just think of him as a normal customer who would just come and go? It made him feel like his spot in the cafe was easily replaceable.

As he entered, you did not even break away from the conversation you have with the young man. Only until he reached the counter did you look up.

‘Ah! It’s you! It’s been really long! What would you like today ?’

‘6 Iced americanos, thank you’

‘Alright you can take a seat at the corner table first’ handing him his change , you pointed him to the one at the furthest end of the shop.

He came by having the intention to have a short catch up with you, but apart from the exchange of greetings you had pointed him so far away from the counter and busily went off to prepare the amercianos as if he really was just another customer. He laughed a little bitterly and went to sit where you told him to.

When you were done, you brought the coffee to him and dropped to a whisper suddenly.

‘Baekhyun ssi, are you doing well? Sorry I had to cut our conversation short at the counter because of the oppa sitting there. Didn’t want to bring you trouble in case I accidentally say your name’

Smacking himself on the head internally for being so sensitive earlier on, inside of him also wondered what kind of magic does that ‘oppa’ have for you to be so comfortable? The friendship has almost been 3 months but there always seem to be a strange distance between the both of you. Baekhyun knew himself that his personally was not one people found hard to warm up to and neither did he take very long to warm up to others. He was confused, how sometimes your friendship felt so close yet sometimes so far.

‘How have you been? That guy’s your new customer friend?’

‘Not too bad, I started attending some baking classes and in my free time now I just read as usual. Nothing much as changed.

Yeh he’s been coming quite often because he’s back in this area to visit his parents and there’s nothing for him to do’

‘Ahhhh so what kind of customer is he?’ He arrowhead his eyes at him then back to you.

Laughing you replied ‘ just a really funny and nonsensical kind. Kind of just reminds me of my childhood friend I told you about.... oh right, there’s something I want to give you’

Rushing to the kitchen then quickly walking out, you handed him a box. You explained

‘Baekhyun ssi that day I was at a mall and i walked by this tea shop and I dont know why,I thought about you. It’s all without caffeine. I know you’re having your comeback now and you should be really busy. I purposely picked out some that would help you sleep, some that would revitalise you and just some others that could just help you relax.

I’ve kept it for so long but you didn’t come by again. I almost just kept it for myself already.. anyway I’m glad you’re here today so I could pass it to you’

Hearing this from you really made him touched on the inside, but on the outside he didn’t really know let those emotions show. Instead, he merely said

‘Thanks y/n ssi , for thinking about me. I’ll use them well.’ Looking at his watch , he added,

‘I got to go now, see you sometime soon!’

After saying the goodbyes, Baekhyun returned to his car. Setting his Americanos aside, he held the gift in his hand and looked through his driver’s window at you.

At that very moment he finally came to terms with his feelings.

He did not just want a friendship with you, he wanted you as a partner he could tell his everything to, someone that belonged to him and someone he belonged to.

This should make him feel happy and elated, warm and fuzzy. But there was discomfort lying in his heart.

Deep down he knew that desiring anything more than a friendship with you was putting chains on you.

You liked quietness and freedom. But in his world, parts of his life are made public and his freedom was not really freedom at all.

He cannot sink deeper into this, but could he stay away ? His heart clenched.

He tossed the gift aside and drove off.

—

To be continued!!

Sorry for stopping at such an awkward place, but I couldn’t find a good place to stop this at, hahaha.

Anw, I’m sure you guys already know bout baek’s medical condition? My respect and love for baek just hit another level. I really think we are such lucky fangirls to be stanning someone like him. The effort he puts in for us is above and beyond what is required. Sigh. Baek I hope you know we really appreciate you💛

Tag(s): @wooya1224

Edit: Part 2

#baekhyun #exo fanfic #exo #exo scenario #exo scenarios #byun baekhyun #bambi #baekhyun bambi #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun scenarios

58 notes · View notes

tommybaholland · 3 years

Note

Hiya! I was wondering if I could request a one-shot with Sugawara where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe another person catches his attention and the reader starts to distance themselves from Suga to try to spare themselves the hurt? Then maybe turns out the other person was just using Suga/wasn’t serious bout him and he realizes that the person he really loves is the reader but now they’re staying away from him and just angst and fluff and dramatic confessions?? Sorry if it’s far too much detail, I get carried away. Your writing is amazing, keep up the fantastic work!

somebody, some body

featuring: sugawara

goddddd i’m so sorry i am late with a post AGAIN. this has been way overdue to be posted actually, and last night i finished it and was almost done with editing but accidentally lost everything i added and edited in the draft :// so thank you for being patient with me! this ended up being pretty long, so hopefully that makes up for the wait :) anyway, i really liked this idea! i have a little personal experience with this kind of situation, so it was fun to explore those feelings a bit. thanks for requesting and enjoy!

you didn’t always know that you would be in love with koshi sugawara. your dynamic was always friendly, and nothing more. so where did you go wrong?

when you think back to your history with suga, you could never find yourself resenting any time you spent with him. it all started when you moved into his neighborhood and as a shy child, you didn’t have the easiest time making friends. but he was a kind boy who was around your age and made it easy for you to form a bond with him. after all those years, neither one of you had changed that much. you were still reserved at heart but, he was the one who pushed you to things that you both could enjoy.

one is joining the high school volleyball club together. you weren’t usually one to go outside of your comfort zone, but with him, you felt like you could do anything. he had you fuel your enthusiasm and you had him to thank for that. volleyball ended up being a great idea because it was quite a versatile sport that anyone could play. you found that you were quite athletic and took a liking to the libero position. there was just something exciting about digging a ball off the ground and rolling on the floor to get back up again. also, it looked pretty cool.

so that was great until you hurt your shoulder during a game, which ended up being more severe than it seemed. now you couldn’t lift your left arm very far over your head unless you wanted to dislocate your shoulder again. it was already a tough recovery period because all you wanted to do was get back to the game.

he was there with you for the entirety of it and even though he mostly encouraged you, he had to make sure you knew you wouldn’t do anything to hurt yourself. you felt helpless. it was the lowest he had ever seen you and he did everything he could to lift you back up again.

that was something you could never take for granted with him.

the thing about you and suga is that you were in constant contact, especially during school. if it wasn’t sending each other funny memes or tiktoks, you were either on snapchat with each other or texting. sometimes simultaneously.

are you alive??

yeah i’m awake, unfortunately

what do u want sugar-wara

whoa how are you up this early lol and sugar is my thing ok

let’s go get sweet buns before class

ur right, it is ur thing. ur sugar-wara

okay i’ll meet you by the light in 15

there was a lonely intersection in your neighborhood with a red stoplight that seems to have malfunctioned and now the light never stops blinking. you and suga lived on the same street, with the intersection being a perfect place to literally meet in the middle.

“hey, sugar-- uh oh. someone doesn’t look so sweet today!”

he was always so peppy in the mornings.

“yeah, well, maybe if someone didn’t wake me up with their annoying texts..”

“if you really don’t want to be woken up, you’d put your phone on do not disturb. you can thank me later for being your alarm clock.”

he gave you a bright smile and a few head pats before you set off down the road to your favorite bakery which happened to be on the way to school. you didn’t go every morning, but most days it was necessary for you to start your day off right.

“how’s the team looking this year, mr. vice captain?”

“pretty good, actually! four first years joined the team and one of them’s over six feet tall. our blocks will be unstoppable!”

there were several things you loved about suga but, if there was one thing you enjoyed most, it was hearing him get psyched about volleyball. even though you couldn’t play anymore, his undying enthusiasm for the sport made you feel like you were living through him vicariously.

“and there’s one who’s on the shorter side, only a little taller than noya. but he seems to have so much energy and drive, it’s just-- i don’t know, i have a feeling we could actually make it to nationals this year.”

“wow, that’s great!”

“you should come to practice and see them! also we just got asahi back so i need to make sure my sets really land.”

“kou, you know i love watching you guys but isn’t that what kiyoko’s there for?”

“well, yeah, but you know how i play best!”

“yeah, sure. it’s not like i have anything better to do.”

“you never let me down!”

his smile never let you down.

it was your senior year of high school and it felt like things were going to be nothing but great.

“so...speaking of you knowing me best,” he started rather hesitantly.

“what would you do if i...made you dinner?”

“i...what?”

“oh, uh, oh, no. not, like, i make you dinner but, like...rei finally agreed to come around tonight and i thought i’d make something for them.”

“oh, um,” you tried to force a smile. “yeah, i think they’d like that.”

“yeah? you don’t think it’s too cheesy or anything? we haven’t hung out very much but i’d thought it would be a nice way to show them that i mean what i feel, you know?”

“yeah, yeah! that sounds perfect, kou..”

if only they knew that they were so lucky.

you knew about this person, rei. they were your teammate and even a friend at one time. they transferred to karasuno during your second year and you bonded over your shared interest of the libero position. they didn’t get to play much that season until you got injured and had to quit playing.

to see them fill that position so easily, it made you feel so type of way. a way that suga couldn’t know because even though he was there for you, he couldn’t deny his feelings. you remember when he told you that he liked them. about how he’s liked them ever since they came to karasuno and about how he was nervous to talk to them.

and guess what?

you encouraged him. you encouraged him to try to pursue someone who you knew and liked, so now you had to hide that you were envious of both their position on the team AND the fact that your best friend is in love with them.

at first, you tried to look at it as a positive point. you were still friendly with them, but volleyball was the only thing that connected you so you didn’t talk to them that much anymore. but now that suga, the person you’re closest to, was talking to them, it opened up the possibility that you would be able to reconnect with them. you had to be supportive. you were his friend, his closest friend, after all.

the next morning you didn’t wake up from a text from suga. no, it took several snooze buttons to wake you up, which already put you in a bad mood.

it’s ur turn now. are u alive??

i actually woke up to my alarms, how weird. u must be dead lol

also have you done the english assignment yet? i need serious help >_<

you weren’t afraid to double, triple, even quadruple text him because more often than not, he did that to you. sometimes he’d even send longish paragraphs as he did later that day when classes had already started.

hey sorry today has just been filled with fun and thriving and good stuff! rei asked me if i wanted to meet up with them before school last night and they made me some sweet buns and they were soooo good. i think we’re going to eat lunch together with some of their friends from vbc. ugh english sucks for me too. idk why you think i’m good at it

you almost jumped at the gesture to reply. it was never this long that he would go without text you at least one dumb thing.

haha it’s okay don’t be sorry! so i guess last night went well?

also ur great at english sugar-wara what r u talking about??

it surprised you how quickly they seemed to become so friendly. it was kinda weird that he would already be spending a lot of time with her and now meeting all her friends. he probably already knew of them though, with volleyball and everything. the thoughts of how long you would have to wait for a reply crept in your mind, but that was quickly erased by an elapsed period of only a few minutes.

yeah it went great! they had never had someone cook for them before, so they really liked it. this morning they told me they’d show me how to make fried eggs bc i said i dont know how to use a stove lol

wait you made a whole meal for this person and u don’t know how to use the stove??

i used a crockpot and microwave ok :// don’t make fun of me dingus

well a stove would definitely broaden ur horizons lmao that’s nice it went well though

thank you i hope its going well

that conversation was truly the end of the beginning.

Every day after that seemed to happen the same way. you’d wake up, no text from suga. he hadn’t even replied to what you last said the previous night. you didn’t see him much either, but you knew who he was with probably. you would still stop by at volleyball practice where you did get to see him but they were there also. so you found yourself dipping out a lot more.

it just felt weird. seeing him talk to someone he didn’t even know before. they didn’t even know him. even when you two were on the team together, they never once showed much interest in him and now it just seemed strange that they would.

the transition was particularly difficult for you, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. one night you were so overwhelmed with work because you had waited too long to do it. frantically texting suga was an understatement.

you knew you couldn’t put all your reliance on him but it was weird that he wasn’t replying on a school night as he was just as much a procrastinator as you. you dragged yourself through the night, trying to put together a somewhat coherent speech for english the next day. which, again, started as it had for the past few weeks. you still hadn’t heard from him, but it doesn’t even matter anymore. by the time he replied, it was almost embarrassing on your part.

oh my god y/n i’m so sorry i didn’t reply sooner. i tried to get all my work done early so i could hang out with rei last night and i was asking my mom for advice and she told me to just pay attention to them as much as possible so i just wanted to be with them, you know? but i really hope you didn’t beat yourself up too much about it and that you got at least a little sleep. i’m sure your speech went well :)

you sounded desperate for his help and meanwhile, he’s genuinely trying to show someone how much they mean to him. could you look any more stupid?

you didn’t even want to reply but you felt like you had to.

no don’t be sorry koshi! if anything i’m sorry i was just super frustrated in the moment and didn’t know what to do. i managed to pull something halfway decent together i think so it’s all okay now

was it okay though?

that was when you realized that things would never be the same. you’re his best friend and that’s simply it. you mean something to him, but not the same something that they mean to him. you couldn’t go to him when you help because then you’d be taking his time away from someone who wanted to feel that special meaning. it was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. but there were still several questions that lingered in the potential of what your relationship could be.

isn’t it possible to be both a best friend and a partner at the same time? you didn’t see any problem with it, so why couldn’t it be true?

two weeks past and suga, your best friend, decided to let you in on some news.

going up against all these powerhouse schools is definitely tough but it’ll help our team in the long run. we’re really amped to play seijoh soon but also i have an s/o now who can come and cheer us on

WAIT you guys made it official?? when?

haha we’ve been official for like two weeks now

oh well that’s great!

(what the actual hell.)

months went by and you saw suga maybe two or three times. and only saw him, usually with the rest of the volleyball team or with rei and their friends. you texted now and then but it wasn’t the same. you had to accept that it wouldn’t be the same, so you did. you had a good group of friends who you spent more of your time with, as well as trying to focus as much as possible on school. entrance exams were coming up and you couldn’t let this be your downfall, even though you and suga had previously talked about possibly going to the same college together. but that wasn’t important anymore.

you had your priorities and suga had his.

which was the biggest reason why you decided not to go to the game against aoba johsai. you told him that you would try to make it, if schoolwork and college prep courses would lend you the chance. you were just trying to focus on yourself and work hard in on your own. you still texted him just to show that you still cared.

sorry i couldn’t make it to the game! how did it go?

we lost :’(( we were so close too

oh no :( i’m sorry kou. but i know you guys will get them next time!

he never replied, which only made you want to grow further from him.

summer vacation rolled around and it was about a month out from suga’s birthday. a strange text appeared from someone you didn’t expect.

Hey so I wanted to get manga for suga for his bday but I cannot for the life of me remember which ones he has so can you try to casually ask him which ones he has? like the next time you guys talk about manga or something?

you felt weird that they were asking for your help, considering that they now spent more time with him than you did. but you weren’t going to completely ignore them either.

to be honest we haven’t talked a whole lot lately but i’ll try to subtly ask him

Okay awesome thanks!

what were you thinking of getting him?

Deathnote lol nothing original

hmm maybe the new aot volume?

Yeah, that’s a good one. Or maybe BNHA

yeah that too! do you still want me to ask him?

Yeah could you?

yeah sure!

Yay thanks!

okay i’ll let you know what i find out

going through with this was even worse. if it were you, you’d take him to see his favorite artist in concert. he wasn’t never much of a concert guy but he would talk about how badly he wanted to go see them live. or a more lowkey and personal option would be to customize a crewneck for him. you had a knack for designing and decorating plain-looking clothes and he would try to do it himself but would always remark how much better yours always turned out.

but this time you’re simply the messenger and wouldn’t get that chance to get him something you know he’d love. not that he wouldn’t like manga, but it just seemed like they weren’t putting a ton of thought into it. maybe you couldn’t blame them though, it had only been a few months that they had been dating.

that conversation honestly seemed more out-of-the-blue than anything, but you were hoping that suga would be as oblivious as ever. it didn’t even matter in the end because he never even answered your subtle way of asking. you didn’t feel like double texting because a.) you hadn’t done that in months and b.) it seemed too obvious.

in the end, you did all that you could do and told rei that you had no information to provide, even after a week had passed. that was your, now monthly, interaction with suga that month.

but it wasn’t like you weren’t thinking about him.

your interactions moved from text to strictly snapchat, where you would hold streaks for considerable amounts of time. but every time you seemed to break contact with him, you found yourself blaming them. but you couldn’t blame them. they were with him, dating him. they had a right to claim a spot by his side. you had learned to pull back and just live your life.

but life didn’t want you to have a great time either. albeit through a simple app like snapchat, he was the one asking you if you were okay. at this point, you would probably just deflect but somehow, you found yourself telling him about how you didn’t do so well on your entrance exams, despite having done what you could to prepare for them. you just thought you were so focused to do well, but maybe it was too much focus. you told him it would be alright. another notification came through.

snapchat from sugar wara

you opened it to a selfie of him, one that was angled upwards to position him looking right up into the camera, his wide hazel eyes being the centerpiece of the photo. the caption simply said, “promise?”

and that was when it happened. you felt something different in your heart like it was knocked around in your chest. you smiled at the simple response and replied, “yeah i promise!!”

it felt strange, but you finally admitted it,

you were in love with koshi sugawara.

timing was, without a doubt, a demise in all of your previous relationship endeavors. you could never seem to get that part right, also coming in too fast or not knowing if you should wait. you had only hoped that someone you liked would like you just as much. so catching feelings for someone, strong feelings at that, was not part of your current life plans. let alone with suga, someone you were, at one point, extremely close to.

you know so much about him and what scared you was that your confession would be the only one that could mess up whatever relationship you had left with him. why couldn’t you just enjoy where you stood with him? why should your selfish feeling have to get in the way?

stupid was an understatement as you how you felt. he was still dating rei, and that didn’t look like it was going to end anytime soon. you didn’t know what to do or how to cope. you can fight your feelings, but they can’t change right away. and for as long as you’ve known suga, the history you’ve shared with him, it seemed like these feelings weren’t leaving anytime soon.

you spent the next couple of weeks trying to get everything out, while simultaneously trying to forget. you vented about it to your friends and while most of them offered advice, you stuck with just remaining stagnant. one of them suggested that you confess to him but that was what you feared most: that your feeling would become so overwhelming that you had to do something impulsive to relieve them. he would probably never talk to you again. there was nothing you could do. he was in a relationship with someone he really likes. why would you try to ruin that for him?

you didn’t go to any of the preliminaries, mostly because of prep courses and trying to prepare for the next round of entrance exams. you still kept up with suga and saw that they won in the game against seijoh and we now going to the finals against shiratorizawa. you swiped up on his story and typed a simple, “omg that's amazing!! see I knew you guys could do it.” you continue to scroll through your phone, not thinking that much about it until a notification popped up.

sugar wara is typing…

snapchat from sugar wara

yeah it was great! Wish you could have been here though :(

me too! college prep courses seem to have been taking up all my time :P

is there any chance that you could try to find time to come to finals?

we've been trying to get all the support that we can

plus it would be nice to see a familiar face there :)

yeah i'll see what i can do to try to be there!

wymd a familiar face? hasn't rei been going to the prelims?

they have been but we actually broke up about two weeks ago

i sort of initiated it but i promise it's okay

your eyes almost fell out of your head when you read that 2 weeks ago you were talking about how you were in love with him and were and decided to accept that it wasn't going to happen. now you're hearing that at the same time they had broken up? It seemed odd and... bittersweet.

oh no i'm sorry kou :(

you bit your lip as you couldn't help but ask.

wdym you initiated it tho?

so kageyama has been killing it as our setter especially with his quick attack move with hinata

rei was worried that i wasn't being treated fairly bc i'm a senior and vice-captain and all that. i tried to reassure them that i just want to see our team thrive and go to nationals but they still were worried about it and would talk about how they would go to games and never see me play once

it's been hard especially that it happened right before the seijoh game and now before finals

yeah i'm sure it's been difficult

but don't beat yourself don't blame yourself so much! the team needs your support just as much as it needs players. nobody could replace that :)

thanks y/n :) i appreciate you so much

although you thought you would be happy, you can’t help but still feel weird about this whole thing. you felt like the ball was in your court but your bum arm couldn’t receive it properly. your feelings for him had been strong and you felt like you had to pack them all the way so now it just felt wrong to let them flow out again. but now that there was no conflict of interest, did you have to hide your feelings?

it was more complicated than it was before. you didn't know how anything was going to play out at all and that kinda scared you. you did know one thing though, and that was how to be a loyal friend to suga because that's all you ever were from the start and that's what you could and would be for the future.

it was the friday before the finals game.

you decided to stay late after school to maximize your focus on studying. it seemed to have worked because the sun was going down before you knew it. you wanted to get ahead on work so you could go to the game tomorrow. you and suga had been talking more recently and while it wasn’t as much as it used to be, it was more than it had been in the past several months.

you quickly gathered up your things and left school for the night. the pretty orange and pink sky lit your way home through the quiet town and into the residential parts. at that point, the dark had met and light and-

“y/n! hey, wait!”

you turned to see none other than suga, jogging up behind you to catch up. you smiled at his sudden presence, looking past him to see the small group of the rest of the team.

“hey! funny seeing you here.”

“yeah, haha,” he chuckled, catching his breath from suddenly running a considerable distance. “are you going home?”

“yeah.”

“can i walk with you?”

“of course.”

great! so i’m guessing you stayed late at school? you’re still wearing your uniform.”

“oh, yeah,” you affirmed, looking down at your monotonous outfit. “i just wanted to be all caught up on work and studying so i could go to the game tomorrow.”

“oh, yeah? that’s good to hear! yeah, we were-- we just had a late practice. coach left before us but we wanted to stay a little longer.”

“i hope you guys win tomorrow, it seems like you’ve been working really hard.”

“yeah, i hope so too. we’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time, it just feels like we can’t stop now.”

you nodded in agreement. there was a beat of silence just then, and while it wasn’t awkward, it felt like something was lingering in the air.

“so, um,” he spoke up after several seconds. his eyes met yours and you felt that pang in your chest again, quickly looking away. “it’s been a while, huh?”

“yeah. yeah, it has, i guess,” you laughed lightly. you reached the intersection with the never-ending blinking stoplight and you turned around to face him.

“but i guess i’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“yeah. yeah!”

“okay, get some sleep. goodnight.”

he nodded and you grinned at him before turning around to walk the rest of the way home until his voice stopped you again.

“hey, y/n?”

“yeah, kou?”

he looked down and all around, anywhere but your face.

“i, um, i know things have been kinda weird between for a while but it’s made me realize that i missed you, a lot.”

“yeah, i missed you, too.”

“but it’s also made me realize that i enjoy spending time with you and talking to you. like, even now, just talking to you makes me feel-- i don’t know. it makes me feel at ease like i’m home. and i’d really like to spend more time with you because i, um, i really like you.”

“you, you what?”

“i really like you, sugar.”

in all the ways you had imagined this happening, you never thought that you would feel your face fall to a frown, your heart beating in your ears. something just didn’t sit right with you about it.

“i, i, i don’t know what to say...”

“it’s okay if you don’t! i just wanted to tell you.”

“but why are you telling me this now?”

“do you-- do you not feel the same?”

“no. no! i’ve been wanting to hear you say something like that for so long, it’s just. you broke up with rei not too long ago and-- i don’t know. something isn’t right about it.” you shook your head, unsure of what you were trying to say.

“it’s how i feel,” he shrugged. “i just wanted to tell you and have a good feeling to hold onto to make tomorrow a little easier.”

you looked at him in disbelief.

“oh, so you think you can confess all that to me right before this big game and that i’ll automatically reciprocate those feelings when you just broke up with someone not even a month ago? i’m not a second choice--”

“no, sugar, listen, that’s not how i meant it at all--”

“no sugawara.” those words made him go quiet instantly. you never used his full name, there was always some sort of play on it, so this was serious.

“maybe that’s not how you meant it, but that’s how i’m taking it. i’ve been wanting to tell you for so long how i felt but i wanted to respect your feelings so i didn’t. so please, respect mine. i’m not the good luck charm that you can just confess to and expect that it’ll all be okay. this just isn’t right. i’m sorry, koshi.

your voice broke as his name left your lips, tears beginning to fall. you didn’t even give him a chance to respond, a rush of adrenaline telling you to quickly turn and get out of there.

you didn’t get much sleep that night.

it was hard not to think about your conflicted feelings over suga’s confession. you had hoped for that moment for a long time but the timing simply wasn’t right. how funny and ironic is that? you thought your timing was off. maybe you were meant for each other in that way. you couldn’t help but let your feelings get the best of you and you were beginning to become what you feared most from him. you thought he would immediately reject you and make you feel bad about ever saying anything about how you felt. but the roles are reversed and that was the part that blindsided you the most.

you didn’t think that how you reacted was wrong but you also couldn’t imagine how he was feeling right now. he just wanted to feel good right before a big game but that backfired right in his face. some might call it karma, but part of you thought he didn’t deserve it.

the pressure was setting in as the game went into the fifth and final set. what made it worse was kageyama wouldn’t be starting that set, his nose bleeding from the spike he took to the face. suga was genuinely thrilled to be a teacher, a mentor, and a support system for his fellow teammates. he didn’t mind that another, rather talented, setter had joined the team because that meant he wouldn’t have to worry about passing the position over to someone who he thought didn’t deserve it.

he almost forgot he was actually a player on the team when everyone looked to him to fill in. this was his moment and it just happened to be at the most overwhelming part of this game. Both teams were tired while simultaneously running on pure adrenaline to see who was going to come out on top.

suga had an opportunity, not only to start the set but be the trailblazer for their success.

the nerves set in as he held up the paddle with the number nine on it, kageyama holding it up with him for a moment. It was symbolic in a way. suga always thought he’d be passing the baton to him, his successor as karasuno’s official setter, but this felt just as sentimental. Suga hadn’t played much this season but he got to watch the team grow into something that it once was: something great. They’ve had their share of loss and strife but it finally seemed like they had come so far and the only direction they can go is up.

the nerves set in as he looked around, anywhere to ease them. His eyes automatically went to the team banner, black with the simple word ‘fly’ written over it, where all the school and their supporters were watching. he went down the line quickly but the wave of a hand caught his eye. his eyes shifted back and felt that familiar grin on him.

it was you.

“c’mon suga! You can do it!”

and so he did.

once the final ball hit the ground, the room was quiet with shock. it had been tight for most of the game but no one really expected this outcome. they were going to nationals. daichi, suga, and asahi embraced, taking in the satisfying feeling of victory.

after the awards ceremony, you were buzzing with excitement for them, trying to calmly follow the rest of the crowd out of the gym. you could tell they were somewhere along the hallway as another crowd formed to congratulate the winning team. you weaved in and out of it, even getting on your toes to see if you could spot a familiar head of gray hair.

you finally caught a glance at him from afar, his smile growing as his eyes locked onto yours.

“y/n!”

you mimicked his expression and found your feet moving quicker than your brain could process. he put in the same amount of haste to meet you in the middle. you both stopped at about an arm’s length away from each other. his flushed cheeks and slightly red but glistening eyes held your smile as you decided to speak first.

“hey, kou.”

“hey, sugar.”

another minute couldn’t be wasted as you finally crashed into one another. it felt better to hold somebody that you knew and genuinely loved. you could be sure that he felt the same way as he held your body tightly against him.

heyo haikyuu night! send any requests right here..

#haikyuu x reader #sugawara x reader #sugawara oneshot #sugawara fluff #sugawara angst #tommybaholland

88 notes · View notes

jingabitch · 4 years

Text

Armed to the Fangs ch.3

Summary: You grew up in the Hunter’s Guild, understanding that it is your sacred duty as a hunter to protect humanity from the vampires that lurk in the dark, draining the life from anyone unlucky enough to be caught. While making the rounds one night, you encounter Taehyung, a fabled born vampire - not that you know that when he tries to entice you into a dark alley. Next thing you know, you’re kidnapped and taken to their home, where you realise that all of them somehow crave your blood and seem to know more about your past than you do. Finding out about where you came from might be the key to setting humanity free.

Pairing: eventual ot7 x reader

Warnings: some description of violence, angst, pining, eventual smut, slow burn, minor sexual content (i dont even know if it counts)

Word count: 3.2k

A/N: hope you guys enjoy this!! it’s more slow burn and setting up but the plot is inching forward.

Series index

You ended up staying in that room for three days. It was a good thing there was an en suite bathroom, although come to think of it, you weren’t sure if vampires even had bodily functions. There was a lot you didn’t know about them, you were coming to realize.

Unfortunately, because you didn’t have much to do after exhausting all the ideas you had for escaping, you pretty much just worked out, showered, washed your clothes in the sink and took naps while waiting for your clothes to dry. You had no choice but to basically lie around and get lost in your thoughts, and that was never a good idea for you. With so much time on your hands, your thoughts inevitably turned to darker musings, like whether the Head knew about these vampires, and why he kept it secret from everyone.

Come to think of it, what did they mean when they said they were figuring it out? Figuring what out? After Jimin’s visit, they’d left you alone for the most part, although they served you three meals a day religiously. The meals were beautifully prepared and delicious, which was also confusing. Did they have human servants who knew how to cook? Did one of the seven mysterious brothers cook? Could vampires taste food?

Initially, you’d been blasé enough about it, figuring that the others would come to rescue you in short order, and everything would be fine. But when you woke up on the third morning and realized that you were still locked in that room, you began to panic. Three days was as long as you could be gone from the Guild.

When your breakfast was delivered – a hearty abalone porridge topped with crushed seaweed that honestly smelled better than anything you’d ever eaten at the Guild – you sat up quickly to catch whoever it was who’d brought your food before they left, clutching the sheets to your bare chest. You’d left your clothes in the bathroom drying after your evening workout, and gone to bed nude.

“Hey,” you croaked in your gross morning voice. You hadn’t spoken yet today, and it definitely showed. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Good morning.” No harm buttering him up, right? It was the cute, doe-eyed one you’d woken up to the last time, and you wondered if he’d be a little more pliant if you were nice to him, since threatening to shoot his brains out hadn’t exactly worked out in your favour so far. Live and learn, as they say.

Jungkook, who’d been studiously avoiding looking at you – or inhaling your scent – looked over in shock at you and regretted it a second later. He and his brothers took turns bringing you your meals, and from their discussions about it, you seemed to alternate between completely ignoring their presence and demanding to be set free or for more information about why you were being kept here, and he’d expected that since it was still pretty early, he’d be in and out without much interaction with you.

It seemed that the powers that be were bored today, because they’d seen fit to torture him on this fine morning. He was a good person, he thought. Maybe he sometimes struggled with controlling his hunger, compared to his brothers, but he was the youngest, and he was working on it, okay? He tried his best! He shouldn’t be faced with the ultimate temptation of his mate, naked and in his bed, holding the sheet to her chest and actually being nice to him for once.

You raised a brow as Jungkook just stared at you wordlessly, his jaw open.

Then you saw his eyes flicker, changing colour for a second. It was enough for you to grab your gun from under the pillow, aiming it at him with your right hand as you continued holding the sheet over your chest with the left.

“Hey, whoa,” he protested, his hands in the air as his lower lip slid out in a slight pout. “I thought we were past that.”

You pointed your gun at him more insistently, if it were even possible. “I saw your eyes change colour! I’m not going to be a sitting duck while you try to kill me,” you accused.

Jungkook flushed, and you stared in awe. He really was unfairly beautiful, you thought reluctantly, not wanting to admit that one of your captors, and a member of the species you had been taught were soulless, vicious predators, was so attractive. Really, if he’d been a human man you’d have been all over that in an instant.

“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” he defended himself, his pout intensifying.

“Are you telling me I’m seeing things?” you asked incredulously.

“No, I…” He frowned as he trailed off, not sure how to explain to her that he’d gotten turned on. It wasn’t his fault! She was literally lying naked in his bed.

You raised a brow at him, clearly not willing to back down without a clearer explanation, and he wished, for the thousandth time, that his mate wasn’t a scary hunter who was all too eager to blow his brains out at the slightest provocation. In fact, he wasn’t sure why all of them were still alive at this point, given the way you waved your gun around.

“Uh… vampires’ eyes change not just because of hunger, but physiological arousal in general…” he offered hesitantly, before cringing away. You wasn’t going to shoot him, were you? It didn’t occur to him until after he’d said it that you might take that as an even worse insult. Who knew what would set you off, really?

Instead, the hand holding the gun fell to the bed as you gaped at him in shock. “Oh…” you murmured, looking down awkwardly as you flushed. Jungkook could hear the blood rushing through your veins as your heart rate sped up and looked up at the ceiling so you wouldn’t notice his eyes change colour again.

There was something he was supposed to tell you, but it completely slipped his mind as the only thing he could focus on at the moment was leaving as quickly as possible to wallow in his own misery and embarrassment somewhere else. Jesus, of course he would be the first of his brothers to make a fool of himself in front of their new mate.

“Wait!” you stopped him as he scuttled towards the door. Embarrassment or no, leaving this place was your main focus right now. You had to get home by today.

Jungkook paused, his hand on the lock, and turned to give you an inquiring look. “Do you know when I’ll be free to go?” you asked, placing your free hand on the mattress in front of you as you leaned closer.

“Uhh…” Jungkook gave you a wide-eyed stare, his gaze flickering down and then returning resolutely to your eyes. Your question had actually reminded him of what he’d originally intended to say. “An agreement was reached last night; they’re sending someone to come get you today.”

There was a lot more that he wasn’t allowed to tell you, and from the way you squinted suspiciously at him, you had picked up on his caginess, but thankfully you were distracted enough by the prospect of getting to go home, and you just nodded in acknowledgement. “Thank you,” you said, more politely than he’d heard you say anything in the past couple of days, and although he knew it was just your joy at being away from what you deemed to be soulless monsters, his heart couldn’t help but warm at the way your lips quirked up in an almost-smile.

Once Jungkook had departed, you quickly got out of bed and got dressed, then ate the porridge he’d left for you. It really was nice, and under different circumstances you’d have been more vocal about your appreciation for the food.

It was Namjoon who came to get you, the one you’d dubbed in your mind as Mr. Tall and Stoic, since you didn’t know any of their names. You were ready and waiting for him, in all your clothes with your weapons back in place, more than eager to leave.

He led you through the hallways of the massive compound, and because this was the first time you were seeing it, since you’d been unconscious when they brought you to the room, you looked around curiously. It was decorated like a Victorian manor, complete with dramatic stairs down to the foyer, and a giant painting with the seven brothers hung on the wall behind the steps.

“Jesus,” you murmured to yourself, barely audibly, as you gazed at the painting. You’d seen five of them, but the other two men in the painting were strangers. All of them were beautiful, of course, but somehow you found yourself being drawn to the one with a long face, a delicate, sloping nose. He wasn’t smiling – none of them were – but the somber expression sat wrong on his face somehow, sending a pang through your heart.

He looked like he’d been through a tragedy, based on the slightly strained lines around his mouth and his cool gaze, and you felt the bizarre urge to stroke his face.

Namjoon, noticing the way that Hoseok had caught your attention, pursed his lips to hide his smile. Based on your scent, he’d already been fairly sure that you had some connection to Minhee, Hoseok’s mate, but this was just further evidence to him. Your sudden appearance in their lives meant more than any of them had initially thought, and he couldn’t help but wonder if this meant that things were finally turning around.

“Jennie-unnie!” You greeted the hunter who’d come to get you enthusiastically, all but flying across the foyer to her. To her credit, the older girl just grinned at you and opened her arms, letting you slam into her as she hugged you. There were more hunters behind her, senior members of the Guild, but you ignored them for the moment.

“You’ve had quite the adventure, haven’t you?” she asked, quirking a brow at you.

You pouted up at her. “It’s not like I wanted this,” you whined. Now that you were going home and around one of your closest friends, your demeanor was visibly more relaxed, and Namjoon, as well as Seokjin who was standing in the foyer as well, looked on in a mix of jealousy and fondness. They knew why you were on guard around them, but it still stung that their mate had this cute side they weren’t aware of.

“I know, sweetie,” she soothed, brushing your hair off your face. “You ready to go?”

You nodded eagerly, separating from her as you prepared to walk out. Before you could even take a step, however, Namjoon and Seokjin stepped forward. “We’re coming too,” was all Seokjin said. You hadn’t seen him since the first night, so you just gaped at him. The elders, however, just nodded and started moving off.

Jennie shrugged at you, and helplessly, you trailed after them, wondering just what was going on. There was no way this was normal – vampires being allowed into the Guild headquarters?

You didn’t have much time to think about it, though, because soon enough you were being ushered into one of the vehicles that were parked in the massive driveway. Of course they had such a ridiculously lavish place, you thought, taking your seat in the armoured car next to Jennie. The vampires didn’t get into the same car as you, so you didn’t know where they were or how they were getting to the Guild, but you thought rather spitefully that it would make sense if they turned into bats and flew there.

When you arrived back at the headquarters, the Head’s personal assistant-slash-bodyguard was there waiting for you. You sighed – this was not good news. You were probably going to get the scolding of your life for being so incompetent as to get caught, and then stupid enough that you weren’t able to figure out how to get out of there without being rescued.

“Master Bang wants to see you in his office. Report there in half an hour.” With that, he turned and walked away.

Jennie was looking at you with concern, and opened her mouth to say something comforting to you. Feeling bad about how much you’d inconvenienced everyone already, you forced yourself to smile, putting on a brave face to reassure her. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, unnie. At least he gave me some time to freshen up, so it can’t be that bad.”

They were, as they say, famous last words, but you didn’t know that then.

You opened the door to your bedroom and stepped in, immediately being accosted by your baby.

“Injeolmi!” You fell to your knees to greet your cat, who was meowing loudly at you. “Oh, I’m so sorry baby for leaving for so long, are you okay?” You picked him up for a cuddle, looking over the room. The litterbox was a mess and stank to high heaven, of course, but thanks to your foresight, it didn’t look like he’d gone hungry. You’d managed to rig a contraption to release the right amount of food into his bowl three times a day, so even if you weren’t around for a couple of days he would be fine. It wasn’t the first time you’d been gone for longer than usual, although you’d never been gone quite so long before.

Unfortunately, because the container you’d used could only hold three days’ worth of food, that was as long as you could be gone for. Sighing, you put him down and went to clean up the litterbox, wrinkling your nose at him as you got a large trash bag to dump out the litter. The whole situation in there was disgusting enough that just scooping out the poop wouldn’t be enough. “You’re lucky you’re so cute,” you muttered at him as you emptied out the litter, tying off the trash bag to cut off the stench, then got a fresh bag of cat litter.

Once that was settled, you went to your bathroom to wash your hands and refill his water bowl, then opened the window and lit a scented candle to combat the smell, which was still somewhat eye-watering.

Your irritation at the disgusting task was ameliorated, however, by Injeolmi going to lap at the fresh water you’d set out for him. Your heart squeezed at how cute he was even when doing mundane things, and even though you knew you shouldn’t disturb him, you couldn’t help going to pet him.

When he was done, you got his bag of treats out, opening a plastic sachet of Churu and waving it enticingly in front of him. You laughed lightly at his enthusiasm for the snack. Unsatisfied with just letting you hold it in front of him and squeeze the tuna-scented paste out, he’d actually placed his front paws on your hand to hold the snack to him.

“Oh, you love it, don’t you, baby?” you spoke to him in a silly baby voice, smiling indulgently at him. “You’re such a good boy, my son,” you cooed at him. He ignored you, of course, too absorbed in eating his treat.

When it was all gone, you disposed of the plastic packet and went to take a shower to freshen up before your scolding from the Head. It didn’t take long to get ready – you were an expert at quick showers by now – and you dressed yourself in a plain black turtleneck and jeans. Your outfit was intentionally chosen to make you look like a competent hunter, just like everything about the persona you showed him. He didn’t even know about Injeolmi, the cat you’d adopted after finding him as a kitten on the streets during your rounds two years ago.

Speaking of which, Injeolmi meowed plaintively and took a few steps towards you when you exited the bathroom and made to leave the room, causing you to panic. “Stop, baby, you’re going to get cat hair on my clothes!” That would definitely be a disaster, you thought, cringing. “I’ll see you soon, baby. Love you!” you said as you left your room.

You raced all the way to Master Bang’s office, knowing that you were cutting it really close with the timing because of all the time you’d spent lavishing love on Injeolmi. Standing outside his door, you took a deep breath, patting your hair back into place so it didn’t look like you’d rushed here, then knocked on the door.

“Come in,” he said, the sound slightly muffled by the wood.

You entered, already starting to greet him before you caught sight of the two vampires who’d followed you back to the Guild already in the office, and the words dried up in your throat. “Uh…” you said intelligently, then cursed at yourself internally.

“Yes, come sit down, we have some things to discuss,” Master Bang said, gesturing at the seat between the two vampires. Hesitantly, you made your way over, sitting gingerly in it. Your butt was perched on the very edge of the seat, and your back was ramrod straight, every inch of you radiating discomfort at being so close to them.

“We have come to an agreement,” Master Bang started. “Seokjin made an excellent point about this being a prime opportunity to improve human-vampire relations.”

You were sure your mouth was hanging open unattractively. Human-vampire relations? Was this some kind of joke? You stared incredulously at the man who’d taught you to shoot a gun and explained to you the moment you could understand words that vampires were evil and would drain you in an instant given half a chance.

Before you could voice your doubts, however, he’d continued. “The vampire clan has formally requested an ambassador.”

You blinked in response.

“You will be going to live with them as the representative from the Guild, effective immediately.” He concluded his instructions and sat back, his arms folded across his chest in a manner that brooked no opposition.

“Sir, please –” you tried to reason with him, let him know that this was definitely not a good idea. The thought of leaving the only home you’d ever known and going to live with a bunch of predators made your stomach turn, but he was having none of it.

“Pack up your things. You’re leaving with them.” At that, he seemed done with you, but you had to try once more.

“Sir, please, I really think I would be better utilized here,” you tried again to persuade him. You had a kill count higher than all the hunters currently on the streets, didn’t that mean anything?

He just glared at you, and your shoulders slumped as you slunk out of the room in defeat. Right as you were about to leave the room, you heard him speak again. “A hunter who’s useless enough to get caught doesn’t deserve the title.”

Biting your lip viciously to quell the sobs that threatened to rise in your chest, you ran back to your room to cry.

253 notes · View notes

pbandjesse · 3 years

Text

Today was a pretty great, but very busy day. So I stayed in bed for a long time.

I slept alright. But I just didnt want to be awake. I slept until 8, woke up, reset my alarm for 9, and went back to sleep.

I knew it was time to get up if I wanted to accomplish anything in the morning. I think in the next couple of weeks I might try to negotiate my hours as the student's needs change because I just dont have the studio time I had hoped for and had gotten used to. But I wanted to make the most of the little bit of time I did have.

I got up and got dressed but I knew it wasnt what I was going to wear for work. But whatever I was cozy. I was very happy with the way my hair dyed and I was in a good mood. James was very busy with work today so I just enjoyed sitting in the living room drawing.

Our whole apartment felt busy though because Mr Will was helping to install the new dishwasher so there were people in our kitchen. Mr Will came over to watch me draw for a little. Made me feel all artsy, and it was nice to explain what I was doing.

But since there were people in the kitchen I couldnt pack my snack for work. And I decided to try to waste some time and go to the Walgreens to get myself a snack.

But I still had to much time. I went over to the store. Got my juice and donuts. And walked to the Y. And was still 20 minutes early. Ugh. I sat downstairs after I went to wash my hands and tried to waste a few minutes. But it didnt work super well.

And there was a lot to do before the tv people got there to film the kids for their little story. It was a lot of stress having all those adults around. But I got all the projects I had for them ready and set up on the tables. It was very warm up there in the class and that made it a bit hard to keep my head focused on one task. But then there was just focus when the camera guy got there. We were running around a lot in that 2 hours. Doing art with kids, Doing ballet. Running running running. Doing homework. Making them look busy. Keeping distant. It was a little bit of just a lot. And it wasnt like it wasnt normal stuff, but it felt like a play. Because it was just everything we do pushed to 11.

And then I felt really lightheaded so when one of the kids bumped their heads and needed to go get a drink of water to help them calm down I was like yes I will go because I needed out of that room.

But it was fun. I liked helping the kids. I always like helping the kids. And the kids were really good today. I was super proud of the sewing some did, and the drawing of others. I made some little tiny felt guys to give to Jess. And it was just a nice time.

Jess would be arriving in Baltimore around 5. Which was fine but I technically work until 6 so I was like. Annoyed. But at the end of the day we watched a movie and the kids started get picked up and it was just a calm and nice time. And then at 530 we only had one kid so they asked if me or Travis wanted to go home and I was like. Me please?

And off I went.

As I was walking up the hill I saw a fire truck and cop car, and ambulance in front of my building and I started panicking a little. But then I realized it was a car accident. An SUV had ran into the poll. Literally 10 feet from Jess's car. Man she was lucky. It was hilarious when I came upstairs and told her what happened.

I was so happy to see Jess though. I missed her!! I feel like when we go suc long times without actual talking and just texting I can feel very disconnected from her but it all comes flooding back when were together. And today was no differnt. It was just laughing and talking. She brought me gifts! It was great. She spent hours and hours making me these little frog shaped vanilla meringues and they taste so good!! I am sad to eat all of them because they are so lovely. Maybe I can just. Keep one?? I dont know if it would survive.

She also got us matching sweatshirts again and Im super excited about it. Its green! I dont have any green sweatshirts. Very happy.

We have spent the night on the couch catching up and watching tiktoks. James was here but he had a call with a friend so he's been busy too. We all ordered dinner for to much money but it was good. We made a plan for tomorrow and decided to start winding down. I got the couch made up for Jess and Im going to take a shower soon. I really have had a great night. And I hope this weekend continues the trend.

Sleep well everyone. Take care of eachother!

4 notes · View notes

jjunberry · 4 years

Text

~you're cute

| kim yugyeom x fem!reader

| she works for got7 doing things for them and always being there, she's closet with yugyeom, and he likes her a lot.|

-----

The day started like any other. I always woke up early so I can get ready for whatever the boys had planned for that day. Once I was prepared for the day I made my way to the closest coffee shop. I ordered everyone's favorite in order to get them out of bed to function like humans.

The worst thing was waking them up. So of course when I arrived at the dorm it was quiet. Coco came over to me and I quickly set the drinks on the counter to pet her. " we should probably go wake them up." I said mostly to myself.

I set Coco down and made my way to my first victim. Jinyoung was sound alseep when I knocked on his door so I let myself in. He looked so peaceful. " Jinyoung." I said. He let out a groan. I sighed and opened his curtains. " Jinyoung." He groaned again but I knew he was awake now. " it's time to get up." He sat up in bed and smiled. " please tell me you got coffee." He said. I nodded. " i'll be out." I nodded and moved onto my next victims.

Coco followed me into Youngjae and Mark's room. Youngjae was sleeping while Mark was awake scrolling through his phone. " morning." I said before shaking Youngjae's shoulder. " Youngjae wake up." He didn't budge. So I picked Coco up and placed her on his chest. She began licking his face and he soon let out a laugh. He sat up holding Coco. " there is coffee for you in the kitchen." I said before going to the next room.

The next two to wake up was Jaebeom and Jackson. Jaebeom was easy to wake up but I had to drag Jackson out of bed. Literally drag him out of bed. He laid on the floor glaring at me. " good morning sunshine." I joked. Jackson only glared harder. " Jaebeom please drag him to the kitchen for coffee while i wake the young ones." He laughed and got Jackson up taking the sleepy puppy to the kitchen.

My last battle was always the hardest. I opened the door and sighed. Snack wrappers and empty soda cans littered the floor and the ps4 was still on. " BOYS." I yelled getting no response. The curtains were my next attempt. Bambam groaned and covered his eyes since he was closer to the window. I shook him. " Bam wake up, Bam wake up, BAM WAKE UP." His eyes opened and he let out a groan. " i'm up go away." He said. " nope get your butt to the kitchen or i'll give your coffee to jackson." He rolled out of bed and stomped out of the room.

Some how Yugyeom was still alseep. I'm not sure how but he was. " Yugyeom." He didn't move. I sighed and shook his shoulders. " YUGYEOM." I said louder. He opened his eyes then pulled me into his arms and rolled over trapping me. " Kim Yugyeom." My voice was supposed to sound stern but it came out in a giggle. " sleep." His voice was low and soft. " no yugyeom you need to wake up." His eyes peeked opened.

" I don't want to wake up." He closed his eyes and held me tighter. I sighed and turned around in his arms. His eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful. I moved his hair out of his face. " you're cute." I said. His eyes shot open and he looked at me. The grip he had on me was gone and I took the chance to get out of bed. " meet us in the kitchen so you can get your coffee."

The rest of the boys were sleepily drinking their coffees. " (y/n)." Bambam whined wrapping his arms around me. " what Bam?" I asked. " can you make breakfast?" He asked. I laughed. " Bam i always make you guys breakfast, so go sit down while i cook." Bambam smiled and walked back to his seat at the counter.

Yugyeom came into the kitchen when the food was almost done. He drank some of his coffee then took his normal place which was attached to my hip.

He helped me finish breakfast. The boys entered the kitchen and got the food they wanted. I got loud shouts of thanks as they took their seats at the dining room table.

" what are your plans for today?" I asked sipping on my coffee. " Jackson, Jinyoung and Mark are going with me." Jaebeom said. I nodded. " I'm taking Coco out." Youngjae spoke up. I nodded. " Bam, Gyeom what are you two doing?" I asked. Bambam shrugged his shoulders. " i'll probably just stay home." I nodded. Yugyeom was quiet. " well it doesn't seem like you guys need me today, so i'm going to go home and get some cleaning done." The boys nodded. " but call me if you need anything and i mean it." I said. I got a chorus of okays.

I got my shoes and coat on before Yugyeom rushed over to me dressed and ready to leave. " what are you doing?" I asked. " if it's okay with you i'd like to come to your house today." I nodded. " that's fine." I said.

On our way to my house i stopped at the grocery store. " i just have to grab a few things, you can stay here or come inside but i don't think you brought your mask." I said looking around my car for one. I keep them for the boys when needed. He opened my glove box and grabbed one. " you keep them in here silly." He said putting it on.

Inside the store Yugyeom pushed the cart while i put items in. " (y/n) can we talk about something?" He asked. I turned to him. " yeah sure we can when we get to my place." I assured him.

We ended up going to the mall and then getting lunch. Once we did make it back to my house he seemed anxious. He sat on my couch while i put away the food that was bought. " hey yugyeom do you want to have dinner here for with the boys?" I asked looking through the cabinets to see what to cook.

" can we talk now?" He asked. I walked into the livingroom. " yeah we can." Taking the seat next to him he still seemed anxious. " Yugyeom what's wrong?" I asked. " you called me cute this morning." He said. I giggled. " well because you are." I said.

He sighed again. " you can't tell me that and make me feel this way." He said. He stood up and started to pace. " You just came into my life and you didn't act like previous girls who had your job, you treat us like friend's instead of children or in some cases a damn sex toy. I like everything about you and you do all these things that make me like you more everyday, I've had these feelings for you for 3 years now and i can't keep it in anymore." Yugyeom rushed out.

I sat on the couch silent. Yugyeom gave me a look of panic. " great and you don't feel the same so i should leave and now you'll probably quit because of me and the boys will be upset and i'm sorry." He says before turning towards the door.

" Yugyeom wait." I said. He stopped in his tracks. " will you please come sit down." I said. " why so you can reject me?" I sighed. " Kim Yugyeom sit down." I said. He jumped and took a seat next to me.

" I'm not going to reject you, far from it actually, i've liked you for a long time too. i was just afraid you'd reject me, and of course the thought of loosing my job was always a thought."

Yugyeom was quiet. " you like me too?" He asked. I nodded. He smiled widely. " (y/n) will you go on a date with me?" My smile matched his. " yes." I said. He pulled me into a hug and we rolled onto the floor in a fit of laughter.

I laid in his arms while we looked at each other. " you're cute." He said causing me to blush. " (y/n) can I kiss you?" His voice was soft. I nodded. Our lips met in a sweet kiss and his hands traveled to my waist as he pulled me to straddle him.

We parted from the kiss. He went to kiss my neck but i pushed him back. " not until our date." I joked. He groaned. " (y/n) i need you now." Before i could answer he already had me up and was carrying me to my bedroom.

I'm not sure when we fell alseep but I was woken up to loud knocking on my front door. I groaned and got up quickly pulling shorts on and a random t-shirt.

When I opened the door I was met with the rest of the boys and they all had shit eating grins. " hey (y/n)." Jackson said smirking. " why are you guys here?" I asked. " well you have our precious maknae and it's passed dinner time, we are hungry." Jackson said walking into my house followed by the rest of the boys. " sorry (y/n)." Jinyoung said walking past me. I closed the door after.

Yugyeom came out of my room with his pants on but no shirts because sadly the one i put on was his.

"are you guys finally dating?" Bambam asked. I shrugged. " to be decided now if you' ll excuse us we'll get dressed and then we can get food." I said taking Yugyeom's hand and pulling him towards my bedroom.

His arms went around my waist. " you look good in my shirt." He said. " just get dressed so we dont have to deal with to much teasing." I said throwing his shirt at him.

( my first attempt at first person)

gif found on tumblr!!! credit to owner!!

hope you enjoyed-Echo❤❤

#kim yugyeom #kim yugyeom x reader #yugyeom #yugyeom imagine #got7 fanfic

92 notes · View notes

thedappleddragon · 3 years

Text

HOWDY I kind of did a lot today

first off I had a horrible nightmare about a stadium/mansion/chapel where at the center was a painting of mother Mary and baby jesus but there was a HUGE net of sewn together faces connecting the painting to every other part of the house called The Mask. the faces were sewn on, alive or dead, going back through bloodlines all related to Jesus, and I was being celebrated as a new face to be sewn on. I think there was a grandma trying to capture every face, and i only woke up after injection needles were being put in my arm against my will. the Mary painting also had no pants and showed a miscarriage as part of the mask, and that somehow was the reason for everything. so yeah I didnt sleep much last night :P after thinking about it I think I know everything that caused it! general stress from the Kroger trip but mostly worrying about my project getting done in time, the sewed faces from my sewing project, the holy depictions because I was using an old church binder as a cutting mat, and covid vaccines / picking up moms meds for the final needle part. so I just hung out for a while until my dad called me, telling me I was unofficially hired at the hardwire store and my boss wanted me to come in. I took a quick shower and showed up expecting to only be there for a couple hours, but I ended up being there for like 6 hours. I organized a filing cabinet, stocking door hinges, spent a LONG time stocking with mail box numbers, and met a lot of my new coworkers. theyre all really nice, but my boss is confusing and always very busy. I got to carry around a walkie talkie and got my own name tag :) after my lunch break I kinda did next to nothing for 2 hours because my boss was too busy to tell me to do anything. I just emptied some cabinets and swept his office, and spent most of that time sitting in the back storage area because it was the coldest and I had a sweatshirt on. I spent what felt like an irresponsible amount of time sitting and watching tiktoks, even tho there was pretty much nothing I could do. I couldn't really walk the floor and help people since I didnt know anything lmao. actually a LOT more people asked me for help than I thought they would and I had to tell them this was literally my first day and I know nothing hfdhggfgdh but hey!! I think it was a good first shift at a good first job, and apparently my boss was impressed with how much I got done :D my dad works there too so I get to hear all the things my boss says to him about me behind my back hehehe. after work I talked to my mom and sister for a moment and took a nap. I remember my sister taking my order for chipotle while I was still half asleep, but I guess I was dead asleep by the time she brought it home because it was cold in the fridge when I finally woke up. I ate, talked wit my dad about my shift and new coworkers, took a Tylenol, and went to hang out in bed and watched too much tiktok. because of that nap my brain keeps telling me that its early morning before sunrise instead of literally 1:30 am, so I hope I dont have too much trouble falling back asleep. I think I'll go back to work on Tuesday if they need me, and I still need to go back to joann’s for a zipper and maybe a pen that disappears with heat or water I forget which one. I think they also make pens with a little extension so you know to make your seam allowence exactly 1/2 inch or whatever, so if they happen to have that i’l look for it. while I was laying in bed with my cat, I was thinking about how her nose sounds so stuffy and she’s always making gross wet noises in one way or another, but I dont think she has arespritory infection or anything. I just gotta look up ways to unstuff her nose without having to fight her too much. bleh. goodnight for now

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #2021 daily

2 notes · View notes

shytiff · 3 years

Text

Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know).

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

1 note · View note