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bbyboybucket · 2 months

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Okay besties, today I’m giving you the run down of Buckys finances and networth. Because as I’ve said multiple times, he’s obscenely wealthy despite the fact you’d never know by looking at him.

Now first off, MatPat (my fav YouTuber who I’m so sad is retiring, literally adore him) did a mini theory a few years ago, calculating Bucky’s compound interest in previously earned money from WWII in his frozen bank account while he was presumed dead. It totaled out to $51,143. This is just the money that he earned in the 30s/40s and has grown interest on. This is assuming the money wasn’t given to his family and for the purpose of this post, we’ll go with that it wasn’t. However, MatPat didn’t account back pay, for disability pay, and other military pay/benefits.

So as a starter point, we’ll use $51,143. Next, I’m going to calculate his back pay from being MIA/POW because he would have been considered active duty. A MIA/POW is given back pay of 50% of the average per diem rate, for each day held in captivity. The 2023 rate is $157 per day, and I assume that would be similar for him because TFATWS takes place in early 2024. So that means Bucky would get $78.50 per day. There is no time limit on how far back pay can date to, so the entire span of Bucky’s capture is accounted for. As per the Smithsonian memorial in CA:TWS, Bucky was captured in 1944, making it exactly 70 years of capture. So, the back pay for those 70 years, is $2,005,675.

Next, we’ll look at the different forms of disability pay he would receive. I’m only going to look at canonical, confirmed disabilities for this. Bucky would be classified under SMC-N 1/2, where one arm was amputated above the elbow and/or was amputated so close to the shoulder that a prosthetic cannot be worn. Now obviously, Bucky does have a prosthetic but it is implanted into his body, as a majority of his left shoulder seems to have been amputated. Since he is single and has no dependents, aka has no children and is not taking care of any family, and he is still able to work, he would be receiving $6,182 a month.

He also has PTSD, which he would most likely get a 70% percent disability rating for, as 100% is very rare to receive for mental and is considered to be extreme impairment in daily functioning. (He could recieve 80 or 90% but I’m being generous here and trying to give the most realistic assessment). All this means, his mental illness pay for PTSD would be $1716 a month.

It’s also canonical that he has brain damage via The Wakanda Files book. We know in that book, he’s described to have pretty severe TBI. However, we don’t know anything of his symptoms and the book only describes of the brain scan looks bad and that the serum is keeping him from being more impaired. The VA uses 10 areas of impairment as criteria to rate the severity of TBI disability. The only canonically confirmed area that we know Bucky deals with is memory. Since we know no other symptoms and we know he’s not extremely impaired, I’m going to estimate he’d be rated at 50%. Which would give him a compensation of $1075 a month.

Now, we can assume Bucky is retired from the military. From being a retired sergeant, we can assume his monthly pension is around $5,482.

Reminder, all VA pay is untaxed. All of these together, his monthly salary is $14,455. However, this is not including disability back pay. The VA sometimes will pay a lump sum from back from when the diagnosis was made. Assuming the Wakandans were involved in Bucky’s trial and pardon, I’d assume some of his medical records were brought in as well. Back dating to when he was being treated in Wakanda, that’s 7 years, however we don’t know if the blip would count so for that reason, I’ll say 2 years. So, his lump sum would be around $215,352.

Now, endgame was in October, six months before TFATWS, meaning it took place around March/April. Within, the span of October to March, Bucky woulda have accumulated $86,730. Because even if his pardon wasn’t official yet in October, he would still receive payment for that month.

Finally, in grand total, all of this is $2,358,900. His networth would be in a similar, slightly lower range. Meaning: yes, Bucky Barnes is a millionaire and nobody would ever guess.

#I really felt like MatPat when doing all this #bucky barnes #meta #bucky Barnes meta #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #TFATWS #CA:TWS

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mrslectermoriarty · 13 days

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Headcanon Series #16

Ice and Mav finally get their shit together after the Uranium mission. Don't ask me how, theories in the comments. Anyway, they kiss in public - on base or something, it looked very dramatic - they become a couple and the next morning Ice walks into the building he works in (enter important navy office) and half the officers he passes look very pissed at him, ready to bite his head off. Especially older ones he's known since the 90s or so. Most of them grumble some unfriendly sounding greetings into his direction. Some of the younger ones though smile at him with such happiness and sometimes clap his shoulder or congrate him, he can't really comprehend what's happening.

He shrugs it off and enters his office, only to find out his long time secretary and dear friend Mrs. Lesser is about to leave. For a vacation. She's never taken a vacation before. Sure, some free time over the holidays or when Ice took a break from work, but never longer than a couple days. Now she's gone for a few weeks.

The weird events continue when two hours later, a mad looking Admiral Hanson stands in his door and rants something about Tom being childish and stupid and how he could do such a thing. "Seriously, Tom. All those years and now you gotta pull a stunt like that? I thought better of you."

After the third officer passing his office and muttering something among the lines of "Really great, Kazansky," Tom calls for a meeting. He's the COMPACFLT after all. He outranks most people in the building. And this seems rather serious.

"Gentlemen, I am at loss for words. Your overall behaviour today has not only been out of line for work but also simply disrespectful. If this has anything to do with the events from yesterday, I can only say I am disappointed. We are professionals and the government, the state and the people depend on our work. We can't let something from any of our private lifes affect us like this. We're grown men and we should be able to handle such things like grown men. We can only function as a united front."

There's an audible huff at the other end of the table, coming from Admiral Marcus. "Easy to say for you, you got the guy you've been thirsting for the last 40 years, I lost about 200$ because of you and Mitchell." Admiral James, who sits next to him elbows him. Tom's eyebrow start to wander. "How exactly do you loose 200$ because of me? Please, elaborate."

Opposite from Marcus and James, Admiral Cameron pulls a thick folder from under the table and slides it over to Tom. Whispers and even gasps erupt. "It's over, so he might as well know now."

Tom opens the folder and is greeted with a long list of people, dates that reach back to the 80's and huge amounts of cash written down. Between the pages are various copied documents of conversations between him and Mav, pictures of them together on various occasions and hand-scribbled notes with more dates and different statements on them. Tom's eyebrows almost disappear in his hairline. "What is this?", he quietly asks, afraid of an honest answer.

Cameron sighs and speaks up: "Some guys from your Topgun Class apparently started this in 86'. It was about when you and Mitchell would get your shit together and do something against that unresolved tension between the two of you. They expanded their list with every squadron you both were in because you guys weren't subtle at all but also extremly stupid and the rest got a kick out of betting who'd give in first and when this would happen. At the ceremony in the 00's, when you got your stars, an Admiral got a hold on the list and decided to join. He brought it over here and no-one couldn't really resist. And now we heard of you and Mitchell eventually putting an end to this. Of course people are pissed, they bet way to high on the wrong guy or year!"

Tom's eyes skim down the list. It seems like every person he's known inside the Navy has their name written down on the yellowing paper. He spots Mrs. Lesser on there and let's out a surprised chuckle. "Marywas really good. Got almost 1000$ out of this. No wonder she's on vacation." He drages his hand over his face to regain some grip on the situation.

"I can't even- how did you manage to hide this from me for so long?", is the only question he gets out. James laughs. "We're the military. We have our ways." By now the whole table is chuckling or whispering in amusement. Tom can only shake his head, but also smiles. "Can I take this home? I need this in a proper display on my office wall. Or maybe over the dinner table. And you are all invited to an apology-BBQ."

Okay, I know this was weird, but in my head I can see so many people in the Navy that just see Pete and Tom working together and they think like "Yeah, these two are totally gonna end up together." I love people shipping IceMav, I'm sorry.

#top gun fandom #top gun #topgun #tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #icemav #top gun headcanons #Ice lives #headcanon series mrslectermoriarty

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abloomingperiod · 10 months

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him | kim namjoon

"hey, you listening?" you ask as you make your way out of the bathroom and into the room your fiancé was situated.

"yes" he simply answers, voice calm and eyes and hands leaving his book to look at you.

when your eyes find his, you stop - on your tracks and your train of thought - to drink on the sight.

there he was, the reason you’re even planning and thinking about what is supposed to be the biggest and best day of your life for the last three months, since he dropped on one knee to ask for your hand - and later, to give you a glimpse of why you’ll need more than a week for your honeymoon.

there he was, hair growing over his neck - less than a mullet, just like you asked him to grow it into -, bare and pretty face, big and buff limbs glowing as the warm, small light from your lampshade illuminated them. sharp eyes, yet so calm and serene gaze expecting your next words.

speaking of them,

where exactly did they go?

“honey?” his deep voice asks with a small side grin, which you want to slap him for. does he thinks he’s helping you and your reasoning, when all you can think about is how remarkably low it is?

him, him, him. everything about him. all about him. him.

“right” you come back to earth, hands on your hips, “so... about our wedding”, you start, but can’t help and feel funny under his gaze, shrugging it off with an old, stupid joke of yours, “let’s end it off- nah i’m joking, but for real-”

as dumb as it is, it never fails to rip a small chuckle out of your sweet soon-to-be husband, and you swear to god it’s the prettiest sound in the world.

if it was possible to fall in love twice with the same person without even falling out of the first time, you’re sure his laughter would be responsible for it.

and once again, you’re standing there like an idiot, watching the other idiot that knows exactly what he’s doing when his lower lip gets pulled back by his teeth, and you feel like a teenager for the tenth time in the last 3 minutes. “...you okay, babe?”

just let your thoughts win and grab him, for god’s sake.

“i can’t keep my hands off of you” you confess, arms giving up, sighing and faking a frustrated face that could never be convincing. not when your legs are already folding and making their way onto his lap, slowly crawling with your knees to the only place you never get sick of in the world.

him, him, him. his skin, his warmth, his embrace.

everything about him. all about him.

“now why would i ever want you to do that?” he asks smoothly, hands immediately finding your waist and burning up your skin. his eyes held such a welcoming stare, you wish you could just say ‘i do’ right now and have him all for yourself ‘til your last day on earth.

“no but i do have something to say” you remember yourself and him, hands finding his waist and caressing around it - waist, tummy, chest, bones, everything you could find and paint with your own touch. “i was thinking, and maybe, we should throw a little something before the actual wedding, you know? like a pre-wedding thing”

he observes you, head slightly hanging to the side as his curiosity get to him.

“not that i don’t think it’s enough or anything!” you assure him, fingers going through his small silver chain that held your proposal ring in. “you’re gonna like this, hear me out: we probably want to drink our asses off. that’s just how we roll, right? but i know myself, and i know my limits... i’ll be straight up with you: i don’t think my insides can take cake, korean food and alcohol the way i wish it would.”

and there it is, one more laughing sound of his, but this time, a louder, bigger one.

the dumbass is laughing at your costs, now.

“you really can’t function outside of the ‘8 or 80′ style, can you?” his right hand flicks your forehead lightly “dumbass.”

“pardon? i didn’t ask for a funny tummy and i certainly don’t want it messed up at my own wedding. that’s a huge ass reason to throw a small something a few days before!” you interject, quickly pinching his sides, earning a cute squirm from him. “plus, i don’t wanna be bloated when i’m wearing my wedding dress.”

with that, he just stares at you for a second, and lets out a fair question as his eyes narrow at your intentions, “you’re not plotting this just because of that, are you?”

another thing you could easily hold accountable for a second fall for him: his caring.

handling and watching you more intently than yourself, sometimes.

god, it’s almost embarrassing how much you love this in him.

“no. and you know that. i really do have a suck ass stomach, you’ve seen how bad it gets” you say, easing his sudden seriousness, and with that you smile at him “plus, i want other korean stuff turning my insides out...”

he interrupts you with most delicious laugh you’ve heard in a long time - since the last time he laughed this hard (last than a day before). “ “god, you’re gross! okay, i see your point.”

“i knew you would. now, this can be very s-small,” you get into the details of your plan and his hands betray his incredulous gaze, as they travel down to the small of your back and rest on your ass, softly caressing it an earning a small tremble in your voice. “less than 20 people, your closest friends, my closes friends, a bar with at least 5 of the 10 drink options we’re having in the menu... we can bring the same flavor of cake...” your eyes keep scanning his beautiful face and the loving eyes he gives you, admiring the thought you put behind your little plan. “we can even wear a tie and a small veil! so everybody knows about it! who knows? maybe we even get a free drink. gotta milk our options out, baby.”

at that, you expect him to give you one more nice chuckle, or even a light slap on the butt, but he decides not to. instead his hands press you against his own lower body, and his plump lips attach themselves to the side of your neck. you let out a small sigh followed by a light chuckle “i’m serious!”

“i know you are” he defends himself, lips travelling north to your jaw and cheek, leaving hard pecks, making you smile like you’re high “you’re irresistible, that’s all”

you know for a fact he felt your pulse stumbling, fumbling and failing as his lips kept kissing you.

“enough for you to say yes?” you take advantage of his sweet words.

“i’m marrying you, isn’t that enough of an answer?” he asks, facing you with the most whipped out smile you’ve ever seen. “sure. anything for you.” you smile wildly at him, heart throbbing and lips mumbling a small ‘thanks’ as you peck his lips. “i can search for that bar, too.”

god, why is he so freaking him?

of course he can.

“yeah?”

“yeah.” he responds, smile never leaving his mouth, cheekily giving you his trademark wink along with it.

“you..... ugh!” your hands tangle ins his hair and your lips attack his just like you did when he proposed to you. your kiss is urgent, desperate even, and still, he manages to laugh against it. he pulls you flush against him, chest to chest and heart to heart, hands dancing around your ass.

you could never get sick of this place.

“fucking love you. can’t wait to put this ring on your finger” you pull back and confess, lips ghosting his as you watch your hands travel back to his chain.

“you and i both” he agrees, eyes and hand mirroring yours, gasping a bit. “can’t wait to see you in that dress” fingers caressing your whole torso: spectrum, under-boob, ribcage, waist, “and take it off.”

oh, are you longing for that honeymoon.

“and you will” you peck him again, “‘cause now i don’t need to care about my tummy”

his laughs fills your room and your eardrums with the most beautiful sound you can point out. his head fall back to the wall behind and his eyes close, and you wish you could have this sight and this sight only for the rest of your life.

“yes, your tummy is well taken care of”

“and that’s for you, too. i need my newly husband a hundred percent conscious and collected for the after party”

he lightly tsks at you "if i were you, i’d wish the opposite” he slowly grabs your ass and kisses the back of your ear. god, he feels like a delicious poison. “plus, i don’t think i can stay collected after watching you down that aisle.”

“you and i both” you repeat his words, head resting on his shoulder. “thank you, i owe you one.” and leaving a small kiss on his jaw.

“show me the dress?”

“never.”

“but i’ll search for the bar.”

“you did that on yourself.”

he jokingly scoffs and mumbles a small ‘fine’, and you fall in love with him all over again.

“but i’ll give you a hint. it’s white.”

“shut up.”

“make me.”

and he looks down at you, small smirk painting his face.

“yeah? wanna pay it back now?” he asks mischievously, as his finger trace your lower lip.

“i just might” you respond, kissing his thumb. his eyes hold a darker tone, and as your bodies almost mold into one with the proximity you’re in, you can feel just how much he might want it.

“...still wanted to see that dress, though.” he jokes, and you return to your position facing him, lightly slapping his rigid chest. he catches your wrist and brings it to his lips, softly kissing it, and travelling to the back of your hand.

“that gives bad luck, dumbass.”

as he keeps kissing your knuckles, his other hand ghost over your thigh, enticing you and making you shiver deliciously.

because that’s what he does. namjoon makes you stumble, tremble, flutter, shiver and fall.

him, him, him.

everything about him. all about him.

“you’re all the luck i need.”

him, him, him.

#kim namjoon #kim nam joon #kim namjoon oneshot #kim namjoon imagine #kim namjoon drabble #bts imagine #bangtan imagine #rm imagine #rm oneshot #rm scenario #kim namjoon scenario #could die and kill for him ngl

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fandomsniper · 5 months

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so this is my take on human Caine

keep in mind that this is all my headcanons and imagination, and I'm going with the theory that he is an AI and he wasn't a human before

(again it's my hc!) also minor tw for drvg mention

so going with that logic, man is an AI, for his whole life all he was, was lines of numerical codes and suddenly he's thrown into this world and becomes a human, as we all are aware a human body needs to comply to the laws of physics, biology, etc., it has needs that need to be taken care of for it to function right which an AI in a digital world doesn't need to do so imo all of that had to mess with his head a lot, I think that there is a high possibility that he would experience some kind of body dysphoria, he would feel that this isn't HIS body, that something isn't right, something doesn't fit etc., that would be pretty logical

complete change of how his brain operates (idk what he had as an AI but let's also call it a brain lol), human body operates on five basic senses, which is something that he didn't have to submit to, the list of "senses" he had as an AI in a digital world is probably long as fuck and now he has to lean on only five basic ones? that gotta suck and be absolutely difficult (which should be obvious, imagine suddenly becoming blind or deaf, now you need to learn to operate with even less senses than you had, fucking sucks), back in the digital world he could do practically everything with little effort and now? he is limited by this human body/world and all the laws it needs to obey

still on those senses, I think they are all over the place because of the sudden change so he would be prone to sensory overloads or something like that

he literally needs to learn all social rules, written and unwritten, and overall the basis our world works on, which we had YEARS to learn about as we grew up, and yeah as an AI he had some info about humans and our world 'cause he had direct contact with us back in the digital world but it wouldn't be even close to enough to live here among us (heh) completely out of nowhere

because of all of this, I think that he would be a total train wreck and he would be very prone to fall into some unhealthy habits, like for example imo he could easily get addicted to drugs (idk what kind tho), he takes some pills and he can "get back" to his old life at least for a moment? sign him up! for that short period of time, he could feel "right" again, he could have control again [I'm also leaning towards the idea that he could develop some kind of control issues considering who he was back in the digital world as an AI], drugs give you a high which on you can imagine/hallucinate/feel a lot of things so yeah, he could easily get addicted to those, especially if his trips would revolve around him being back in his digital world, his home

and nope, it's not me projecting onto my fav character yet again, not at all (I'm a big liar)

but fr tho, I think it would make sense if he actually was an AI who was never a human and somehow he got out of the digital world with all circus crew

and I made a visual of him in a picrew! (if anyone will want it, I will drop the link to it)

I made some small adjustments in ibis paint lol, like the eye color and the roughly drawn Glasgow smile scars (for some reason it just fits him??? cause he was literally all teeth and it connected in my brain??? idk but my mental imagine of him as a human has those scars, can't do anything about it) + a bit longer lines under his eyes

he would look like he's in his really late 20's or early 30's

bonus, cause I found that t-shirt in the maker lol, Jax gave it to him

a playlist I made and some footnotes with fun hcs

he would love the movie "The Greatest Showman", can't tell me otherwise

I think he wouldn't have a specific music taste, no specific genre etc. but I think he would enjoy music from 80's and 2000's

he cried watching Bambi

his fav candy is Skittles

for the first two weeks the only thing he would eat was any variation of buttered bread, breakfast? toast with butter, dinner? buttered bread with salt, supper? toast with butter but this time with no crust, he would have continued this if Ragatha didn't step in and practically force feed him scrambled eggs one morning and then continued to do so with other foods until he stopped eating just bread

he likes Lady Gaga

he's not allowed caffeine, under any circumstances, never again, the circus gang decided that as a group

surprisingly, he enjoys horror movies

Jax showed him that one video of car driving through the hills (iykyk), he fell out of his chair

his room is very cluttered, messy but in this artsy-homey way

he picks on his skin a lot, especially when he's nervous and because of that his hands are covered in band-aids

he once saw Zooble smoke and asked if he can try, now he joins Zooble on "smoke breaks" because he picked on the habbit, Zooble kinda feels bad about it

#tadc caine #the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc theory #human caine #headcanon #my hcs #playlist #the amazing digital circus Caine #tadc zooble #tadc jax #tadc characters #long reads #long post #picrew #footnotes #theory #headcanon time #Spotify

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kariachi · 3 months

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Skimming a transcript of What Are Little Girls Made Of and damn, no wonder that girl jumped when Kevin said he wanted her to stick around. Verdona goes 'hey, run away to another planet with me, a relative you've known less than three hours' and when she turns to her parents for help her dad is just 'well I never got the chance to run off to another planet' and her mom- of "polite people don't glow" fame- starts off with "we hoped you'd take after my side of the family" before going down the 'we won't stop you' path.

Because gods know that shit's what a teenager who just had their life turned upside down wants to hear. Not 'you should sleep on it' or 'slow down mom you've been back like an hour' but 'I never got this chance' and 'we hoped you wouldn't be like this' and 'we won't stop you going'.

And of course Verdona just immediately 'that's that settled let's go' with no actual input from Gwen because she's like that. So Gwen runs off because everything is a lot, and the boys follow, and then Ben decides to be supportive. By telling her that yeah they'll miss her if she leaves for possibly forever, but it's okay because they'll easily be able to replace her on the team.

Just, Benjamin.

This is what happens when you're too focused on 'must be supportive' that you fail to read a fucking room. Of course Gwen immediately goes 'then I won't go' when Kevin says he wants her around, because she's got her grandma going 'fuck this shit come with me and you'll actually be happy', and her dad going 'this is opportunity I never got', and her mom's bullshit plus 'we're not gonna do anything to stop you going', and Ben immediately segueing how they can replace her- Poor girl is overwhelmed and uncertain and most definitely feels like all her relatives except the one who didn't give two shits until she showed the Spark are going 'we don't care about having you here or if we ever see you again'.

And then Kevin, who I am reasonably certain is a case of 80% selfishness and 20% being the only person here who can read a room, when asked if he agrees with Ben, says no. Say's he can't believe she'd even consider it. Says he wants her around.

And Gwen immediately takes it, because this girl is looking for fucking permission. Seriously. We've seen enough of the Tennysons to know they're a 'but they're family' family, and Gwen was raised to be very polite, and Verdona's a fucking whirlwind of a personality coming in like a tornado to flip her life and try to take her away, ten to one Gwen honestly at this point feels like all the pressure is on her to say yes. Verdona wants her to come along and while it's not their intention her family's attempts at support easily come off as 'are you still here?' And the things Gwen herself says on the matter, immediately going to how she'd probably be gone a long time, that she might not even come back, and her wondering if she even belongs- When Ben says they'd miss her she actually asks him if they really will. To which his response is functionally 'yes but we can replace you'.

Any doubts and uncertainties she already had, her family is just compounding them, and I think by the time she turns to Kevin she knows she doesn't want to leave. I think she always did, but with everything happening at once... I think she knew she didn't want to go, but was beginning to wonder if anyone would care if she did. She mentions having never felt entirely like she fit in, and with her mom's shit... Having everyone going 'yeah you should go right now we support you without question' just makes her feel like maybe she should go, whether she wants to or not, because clearly here, the people she's closest to are all but packing her things for her.

They don't mean to come off like that, they only want to support her, but they're so focused on supporting what they think she wants that they don't stop to learn what she does want, or even give her the time to figure that out herself.

Then she turns to Kevin. And Kevin's quote- "Why would you even think about it? I want you around."

And immediately 1) any doubts she's been having as regards going are validated in that 'why would you think about it', because she does not know this woman and is being asked to give up everything she does know on no notice for her promises, and 2) even if her grandma only gives a fuck because she's Sparky and her family are damn near shoving her out the door, somebody wants her around. The world won't just go 'whoo, finally got rid of her' if she leaves, at least one person would be sad to see her go.

Somebody agrees that this isn't just a 100% great deal we're so happy for you. Somebody will care if she's gone.

And that's all she needs, is someone to back her up on not going, and to make it known that she's wanted where she is. That the hole she would leave can't just have somebody else slotted into it and everything's fine.

And of course it's the guy from the broken home that gave it to her.

#ben 10 #ben 10 analysis #gwen tennyson #ben also insists they're practically rolling in people to replace her with like boy you have alan #and he's too good for you fuckers #gwen in this episode needs a hug and a nap #ben too but to a much lesser degree #he already hadn't earned as much of it and then he lost some privileges by segueing immediately #from 'we'll miss you' to 'don't worry you're replaceable'#that shit's why i had to make this post #'why does team tennyson need a con artist?' because nobody in this family can read a fucking room

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rcmclachlan · 1 year

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Hey R. C., unless I'm confusing you with someone else -- did you used to have a master list of all your favorite (red) lipsticks? Search function is operating as usual, which is to say, not at all, and my go-to fave was recently discontinued 😭 any chance you could help a girl out?

Nope, that was me! But it's been quite some time since I posted about lipstick, so thank you for giving me a reason. For anyone new around here, I wear lipstick every single day. Even when I'm not going to be seeing anyone. It's just part of my face now. So, it's safe to say that I definitely have some opinions when it comes to lipstick.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, so if you have any recs of your own, please leave them in the replies!

R.C.'s Lipstick Recs for 2023

Best in Show: Beauty Bakerie

I haven't made my love and devotion for this brand a secret. 99% of the lipstick I've worn over the last 10 years has been Beauty Bakerie's lip whips. These liquid mattes are the end all be all, as far as I'm concerned. If you apply them correctly and let them dry down (using a hair dryer on the cool shot setting will set your lipstick in record time!), you'll get upwards of 12-15 hours of insanely pigmented wear—even after eating the greasiest of foods, and you won't feel like you're wearing anything at all. My best time was 19 hours before it started flaking.

Best red: Mon Cheri

Best non-red: Gingersnap (my new favorite since I dyed my hair forest green)

Best Non-Liquid Matte: NARS Velvet Matte Pencil

If it's been hours and my Mon Cheri lip whip is starting to disappear around the inside of my mouth, I immediately use my NARS Velvet Matte Pencil in the shade Mysterious Red (a perfect match) to tide me over. The NARS pencil is a beautifully pigmented, long-lasting matte that isn't drying and doesn't tend to bleed or feather.

Best red: Mysterious Red or Cruella

Best non-red: Promiscuous

Best Non-Matte: Smashbox Be Legendary Prime & Plush

I was bopping around Ulta one day (as one does) when I happened to see this on display. It swatched so beautifully on my wrist that I couldn't leave without it. Plus I had some Ulta points, which made the price tag a little easier to bear. It's an incredibly luxurious lipstick, but be careful of how soft it is: it can break easily. This is one you should apply with a brush.

Best red: Bawse

Best High End: Lancome L'Absolu Rouge

I had some Macy's Money to burn and I decided to splurge a little. This isn't a cheap lipstick. At $35, it's one of the priciest lippies I've ever treated myself to (I'm a cheap bitch, what can I say). But, as the saying goes, you get what you pay for, and what you pay for is a beautifully moisturizing lipstick with incredible color payoff. Also it smells really nice.

Best red: Rouge Badaboum

Best Drugstore Liquid Matte: Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink

Completely out of character for me, but I was actually looking for a bright 80s pink when I decided to give this a whirl. I was so impressed with the color payoff and the staying power that I went back and bought it in a red shade. Be warned: despite its longevity, it's a very sticky matte. I have pretty good luck drying it down with the blow dryer, but it takes time and patience. It will get less sticky the longer you wear it.

Best red: Exhilirator

Best non-red: Romantic

Best Drugstore Non-Liquid Matte: NYX Suede Matte

I used to be crazy about NYX's Full Throttle mattes back in the day, but I think they were discontinued, which is a shame. The Suede Matte isn't quite as long-lasting as the Full Throttle was, but it's a beautifully pigmented and non-drying matte. And for $7.99, you really can't complain. I would wear this with a lip pencil to help prevent feathering.

Best red: Spicy

Best Drugstore Non-Matte: Maybelline Color Sensational Made For All

Okay, I confess: I only bought it because I was in CVS and needed to spend a certain amount of money to use a coupon, but I was pleasantly surprised! I don't really wear this one, but I did think it was beautiful when I put it on. You can be the judge.

Best red: Crimson Race

Best Lipstain: ColourPOP Fresh Kiss Glossy Stain

Lipstick is applied as a layer on top of the lips, but lipstains are meant to be absorbed by the lips so the color lasts longer. I don't tend to wear stains, but I really like how they look on other people. I've only tried a few, but the best one I found was ColourPOP's (with Fenty's Poutsicle coming in at a close second). I'm a sucker for ColourPOP's packaging and they were so cute in Target that I couldn't resist.

Best red: Cherry Up

#red lipstick #lipstick recs #makeup recommendations

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kurokoros · 1 year

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I hate complaining about Billy Hargrove because it gives off the impression that I don’t like the inclusion of morally ambiguous characters. And that’s not the case. I like S1 Steve because I think there’s complexity to be explored under the stereotypical 80s jock that the Duffers gave us. I like Doctor Brenner because he’s a manipulative piece of shit and the series wouldn’t function the same without him. I really enjoy Billy’s inclusion in the series in S2 and think he had a lot of potential to act as a foil to Steve and even Jonathan, to a degree.

What I don’t like is how canon really tries to overcorrect in S3 or how the fanon attempts to read into subtext that either doesn’t exist or blatantly contradicts the subtext that does exist.

“The Hargroves are poor, so the hate against Billy is classist in nature.” But there’s no evidence to suggest this. Billy drives a nice car. We’re never shown the Hargrove/Mayfield family struggling for money in S2-3 like the way the show gives us proof that the Byers are struggling financially. That’s a core part of Jonathan’s character, it’s not a part of Billy’s. Despite watching Stranger Things several times, I’ve never once gotten the impression that Billy and Max were anything less than regular middle class.

“Billy isn’t a ‘good victim’ and that’s why people dislike him.” Until S3 there was no real indication that Billy was being abused on the regular. In the scene with Neil, Billy is snarky and makes it clear that Max isn’t his responsibility. That doesn’t make what Neil does any less deplorable, but it also doesn’t give the impression that Billy is all too afraid of talking back or pressing buttons. Parenting was different in the 80s. From personal experience, I know that there are a lot of 80s kids that are very cavalier about being physically abused for being disrespectful. For all we, the audience, know, Neil hitting Billy isn’t a regular occurrence. It doesn’t make it less shitty, obviously, but I do think that fanon attempts to make Billy’s home life more tragic than it actually was. Canon also does something similar in S3 to make Billy more sympathetic before his death, but I don’t find Billy’s writing in S3 to be very good. He’s possessed the entire time. He barely, if ever, interacts with Max, Steve, or Lucas--the three characters Billy should have been interacting with--and instead all of his interactions are with Karen Wheeler and El. It’s not a bad thing to have certain characters be sympathetic, or even empathetic, towards Billy, but the show completely ignores the conflicts between Billy, Steve, Max, and Lucas in S3 in order to make people upset about his death, rather than satisfied or plain apathetic.

I have issues with the way some people try to write off Billy being racist towards Lucas. Namely, that they try to pass it off as Billy actually just being protective of Max. Billy threatens to run Lucas, Mike, and Dustin over with his car just to fuck with Max before he has any indication that they know each other more than happening to be in the same class. There are a lot of Billy-centric meta that tries to argue that actually Billy is trying to keep Lucas away because it would make Neil go after Max, but I feel this gives far too much credit to Neil while taking responsibility away from Billy. Billy probably did get his opinions from Neil. That would make sense. But we have no reason to believe that Billy doesn’t just hold the same racist beliefs and that’s why he goes after Lucas. Attributing Billy’s behavior to an attempt at protecting Max is just willfully ignoring what’s actually happening, in my opinion. Not everything is actually subtext. Sometimes people really are just shitty without having covert motives behind their actions. Personally, I think that makes Billy more of an interesting character, with potential for growth, than if he was actually just trying to protect Max. It adds a layer of complexity, as shown in S4.

I also have issues with how the Max/Billy conflict is resolved in S2. I think the Duffers leaned too far into giving Max a cool girlboss moment instead of just allowing her to be a scared child. While it was fine to have Max try to stand up to Billy, I think the sedative being there was too convenient, and I think Billy proceeding to leave Max alone after that incident was wishful thinking.

TLDR: I think Billy is an interesting character, but the fandom and canon tries too hard to make him more tragic and less shitty than he actually is.

#does this make sense? who knows. but that's my opinion #stranger things #stranger thoughts #strangerthoughts #anti billy hargrove #sort of #it's less about billy than people that try to woobify him

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terrence-silver · 8 months

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How many children would Terry like to have with beloved? Do you think it would change in different eras?

― Twig? Maybe one child at best, not because he doesn't want more. Oh, he very much does --- he seems like he'd yearn and ache for it theoretically, but in practice he would've been freshly back from the war, he's still immensely young in the grand scheme of things even after everything he's been through, possibly messed up and internally traumatized in more ways than one, survivor's guilt galore, growing pains of a multitude of types (involving an oppressive, demanding father of his own, maybe?) budding ambitions to fix everything, including his own perceived weaknesses by accumulating power and strength, and so yes, one child does it in this period --- if that. The timing is bad for anything else, because this is entirely a transitional and transformative period for young Terry. He is out to outgrow everything he figures made him...well...Twig. He's out to build an empire. Learn how to run conglomerates. Companies. Learn how to be The Terry Silver. Polish himself into someone tough. Worthy of respect. Fear. He's hellbent on training. On training his body. His mind. On helping John build himself up too, because he figures he owes him that much after the man saved his life in Vietnam, and so really, the prospect of progeny? Have to wait a couple of years, because Terry would undoubtedly want to be at the top of his A-game and settle scores regarding everything first. He's simply a perfectionist like that. Or rather, he's shaping up to be one.

― Now, Terry in the 80's might go right into another extreme altogether; this man would either proceed having no children and enjoying perpetual bachelorhood and the life of a Californian Playboy Billionaire bon vivant (someone who lives exuberantly well) or he'd just hit an entirely different contrast and want several children. At once. Now. There's no either or. It is everything or it is nothing. Go large or go home. He wants so many that a company (or a full Tang Soo Do class) can be named after them. Silver and Sons Branch of Dynatox. Silver and Children Inc. Terry Silver's Cobras. The world is his Oyster and he intends to dine with a big, decadent spoon and he almost views siring quite as many kids like one would view a competitive sport, except, Silver is out here to win a Gold Olympic medal for it (same as always), because beloved never really stops being knocked up. They give birth and not before long --- whoops, it happens again. First of all, wonderful way to sweetly be in control and ensure his beloved stays put and under his devoted thumb. Second of all, he relishes in seeing them so dependent and so his. Filled with him. Third of all, their pregnancies are a full circle of a self-fulfilling prophecy that function a bit like a natural aphrodisiac for the aspiring patriarch of ten, because beloved might turn him on so much he is already planning the next child before the first one is even born.

― Terrry Silver at his older age? Hard to tell. I think he thinks the opportunity for offspring has passed and that he missed his chance. That that chapter is closed, time being the great equalizer. That it is one of those things that slipped out of his control, and since the notion of things slipping out of control tend to haunt him and make him feel infuriatingly powerless to the point of being capable of making him lose his mind, the topic remained a bit of a sore wound and it was possibly in the back of his mind for decades, like something he still wouldn't give up on, because the man doesn't give up. Not really. So, when a child does happen...and these things, they never happen unplanned for the meticulous planner that is Terry, so let me re-phrase and say, when a child is a success, and somehow, at his age, he gets his first ever heir, it is like a newly invigorated energy stirs in him and he wants more. Craves it. He will have more. Because whatever he wants, he gets. So, really, he doesn't really stop at one. After the firstborn, a second one comes, and then he already wants a third because something dormant awoke in him and it doesn't intend going back to sleep. Terry might feel he won something, in fact, he knows it. In actuality, he is happy. Yes, this is happiness. This is legacy. There will be another Terry Silver yet, after him, and another one still after that and it is like he can vicariously live forever through that notion and The Valley and all his enemies in it will hear from him yet.

#terry silver #terry silver twig #twig terry silver #80's terry silver #old man terry #cobra kai #kk3 #tw; breeding kink #terry silver x reader #terry silver x beloved #children #silver family #terry silver as a father #terry silver as a dad #dad!terry

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zwy01 · 10 months

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Susanna doodles!!!

I drew my noblesse oc from my Millennium AU, Susanna Mergas! She is the second child of Ludis Mergas and Rozaria Elenor, and the younger sister of Alois Elenor. She goes by the nickname Susa, and a few others.

1. Susanna painting!!! She is very cute and has big eyes and a round face just like her father Ludis. Her eyebrows are short and oval-shaped. She parts her bangs sideways and her super long, wavy locks that extend beyond her knees flow like waves when she moves. Interestingly, her hair never gets in her way even when she’s running and jumping around like hyper gymnast. It’s a real mystery to everyone. She’s very extroverted and cheerful, and always full of energy. Life is never boring around her, as she always has fun things to do! Millennium AU Lukedonia is only functioning thanks to her lol. She’s probably looking at you right now and thinking about dragging you to her next tea party. There’s no other escape, new best friend! Lol. Despite her tiny stature, she’s surprisingly strong. All that junk food probably worked their way into her muscle fibers, as Ludis jokes. All you need to do is sit down and enjoy the dozens of assorted sweets she brings out from the Mergas manor. There’s also ramyeon flavored macarons, if you like that kind of stuff, hehe! She’s got you covered.

2. Susa tries on a beautiful outfit! Very much Izarok themed. It probably belonged to one of Ludis’ female predecessors/ancestors and is a Mergas heirloom of some sort. It’s been a looong while since this outfit was last worn by someone. Ludis found it in his manor, and he gives it to his daughter. As expected, she looks absolutely stunning in it. Susa loves it! Her parents love it too. Alois is very moved by his sister’s cuteness. Awwwwww.

3. Lil’ Susa and her mother Rozaria! They are super close and very affectionate with each other. One of Susa’s favorite things to do as a child was playing with mami’s long, red hair. She still loves to do so even in adulthood, and Rozaria is more than happy to bond with her personal stylist! Susa also has a sweet tooth. It’s probably in her dna or something, because she inhales them like a blackhole. If she were human she would’ve gotten cavities a billion times already. Luckily, she’s a noble, so that doesn’t happen lol. Still, Ludis and Rozaria prefer to monitor their bab’s junk food intake, so other than retrieving the occasional treat, Ludis has barrier spell put up around their pantry. In the very, very rare cases where he forgets… well, you can guess what happens lol. Mommy Roza is worried about her daughter’s tummy, but Susa is actually more than fine lol. Ludis is surprised but amused. Better not forget next time, oops

4. Susa and Ludis part 1! By conventional noble standards, Susa was a bit of a slow learner, a late bloomer. As the Millennium AU progresses she does get very powerful and becomes the promising Mergas heiress, but not many people know that she has struggled for a while, especially in her childhood. Luckily, Ludis is a great parent and he is a pretty chill person in general so he never pressures Susa. He even modifies the traditional “standard” Mergas training curriculum just for his daughter, even when Lord Raskreia questions him for it. Hey, are no real enemies in the outside world anymore, right? Surely we can take it one step at a time. Lil’ Susa is aware of how she is doing compared to her peers, and it sometimes overwhelms her. Poor girl. Ludis being the supportive parent he is will do anything for his daughter and he lets her know that he’s always there for her. This father-daughter bond would later be forged in iron. Best dad.

5. Susa and Ludis part 2! After a wee timeskip to 80 years later, Susa is now a young teen at 100! Susa’s persistence and hard work, as well as Ludis’ unconditional love and support, pays off. Susa manages to successfully conjure a simple barrier spell. This moment is a huge milestone for Susa and she’ll remember it forever. Ludis is super proud of his bab. Roza and Alois are probably crying tears of joy too. Susa’s just so amazing, isn’t she?

6. Sibling bonding time!! Ludis and Rozaria are busy with stuff and are outside, so the siblings get housesitting duty, and some time to spend with each other. They got the entire manor aaallll to themselves lol. Ludis summons Izarok and leaves it with his kids to entertain them and of course Susa gets a hot pot started. Nothing beats comfy pajamas and great food. Fun fact, Alois isn’t really a fan of vegetables, though Mommy Roza knows that Susa will take good care of him. Eventually he won’t be able to say “no” if it’s his sister, lol. C’mon just one bite, you gotta eat your green foods too Al!

7. Susanna x Arya! They are the only “official” couple in my nextgen cast. Everyone else either hasn’t confessed yet, the crush is single-sided, or … something more complicated. Arya K. Landegre is the daughter of Regis and Rael. Susa and Ari are very loving and affectionate girlfriends and have a great relationship. They are each other’s soulmates. Much later in the AU they eventually marry each other.

8. Susanna x Arya what if babies! Susa/Ari is official and they eventually marry, but the next-next-gen doesn’t “exist” to me in my Millennium AU so these two babs are just a concept and don’t happen in the “main” Millennium AU timeline. Even so, they’re very cute lol. If Susa and Ari ever have kids of course they’ll name them something very unconventional and nonconforming to noble traditions, lol. Cute sons. Precious babs spoiled rotten by their mamas.

#noblesse #manhwa #myart #fanart #ludis mergas #rozaria elenor #susanna mergas #alois elenor #arya k. landegre #oc #ocs #original character #millennium au

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theloopus · 9 months

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I finally watched mirror image a few minutes ago and I do not know what to say. Your sam in drag video got me to start watching QL a few months ago and by accident I'd also seen it mentioned that Sam never got home while looking up the show, but I didn't care at the time since I didn't know what that even meant. I got through 3 seasons in a month and then a started to slow down because I realized I was running out of episodes, so I slowly got through the fourth season. One I got to the fifth, I had to take a long break. I knew that the episode quality would decline since id seen you mention on Twitter once that you don't even consider them canon, but I was not expecting how difficult it would be to get though. I could only watch ten minutes of each trilogy episode a day, it was unbearable. But I bet you don't really care about all of this so let me get to the point. I had to pause the screen where it said Sam never got home. I don’t know how to feel and I'm so confused. I've looked through the episode wiki and the imdb episode trivia and I still want to know more. Whenever you mentioned stuff about Mirror image on here or on Twitter I always scrolled past it quickly to avoid spoilers, but now I can barely find anything regarding it, so I was wondering if I could hear your thoughts on the episode. Was the bartender God? Did you like Sam's choice to sacrifice his returning home for Al's happiness? Just, what are your thoughts on it? Thank you for introducing me to this wonderful show and these wonderful characters ❤

omg this is so much. i'm gonna put these under a read more because "what are your thoughts on Mirror Image" is a LOADED question with a controversial answer. i am so incredibly normal about Quantum Leap.

first of all i love that "binging the first three seasons like a starving lunatic then slowing down with the fourth because you realize you're gonna run out of episodes and then season 5 is just so bad on top of that you take ages to finish it" is such a universal experience. it truly is just a rough season to get through. which is a shame! and trilogy.... oh trilogy............. what the fuck was that.............

anyway, mirror image is an episode that makes me kind of insane. the thing is that. i don't know how to put this exactly. mirror image is complicated. in my eyes it's

a really, really good and interesting episode

not a at all a satisfying wrap-up for the show

really not a good series finale for the type of show they were trying to make at the time they were making it as tv functioned back then

a perfect finale for the quantum leap that exists in my mind that i've built from the subtext and character beats and unintentional lore/themes/motifs

because quantum leap the tv show from the 80s is a politically liberal, episodic science fiction adventure tv show from the 80s/90s, and the way these sort of tv shows works, there is an unspoken pact with the audience that they should have satisfying, relatively happy endings. romcoms should end with the leads getting together. superhero movies should end with the good guy defeating the bad guy. detective shows should end with the detective catching the criminal. and a tv show in which every episode ends with the good guy succeeding to put right what once went wrong, solving the conflict, and giving everyone a happy ending, should end with the good guy getting a happy ending himself.

but the quantum leap that exists in my mind and i've built from the subtext and character beats and unintentional lore, themes, and motifs is a Tragedy. it's a story about martyrdom, and saints, and sacrifice, and blind faith, and God, and trauma, and being stuck in the past because of that trauma.

Tragedy, as a genre, is characterized by this: the main character is doomed by the narrative from the beginning because of who they are inherently. whereas in another narrative their traits might've been assets, might've helped them succeed, in this narrative, it's what dooms them (ex. Hamlet's indecisiveness vs Juliet's impulsiveness). and, god, i ADORE Sam Beckett as a tragic hero: his defining characteristic is that he's "terminally good—if it was up to you, you'd save everyone!", and i'm obsessed with the use of "terminal" here, because it is that relentless goodness that ends up dooming him. Sam is Jesus, he's Saint Sebastian, he's Joan of Arc. God chose him to be sent on this divine journey, to help people, to save people from their own fates, to save humanity—at the cost of his own humanity, his own life. at the beginning, he says: "i can't have a life, all i do is live someone else's life!" and in Mirror Image he's still clinging to the hope of going home, at first, because he really does want to go home, more than anything. but then his arc is completed when he realizes it: he's never going home. this kind of journey doesn't have an ending. there are always more people to save. you might be able to take the weekends off, but you can't just quit the job of being God's chosen one. and in the end, he was never going to, because the reason why he was chosen is that he's terminally good. that if it was up to him, he'd save everyone. quitting would mean God knows how many people that needed saving won't be saved, and if everything we've been told about Sam is true, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. so he accepts his Celestial role, leaves Al behind with a parting gift, and disappears into the sands of time the way the Little Mermaid throws herself into the ocean and dissolves into seafoam.

the fascinating thing about Sam, actually, is that this terminal goodness perfectly coexists with the fact that he's also very selfish. in this way, Al is his perfect mirror: in his own words, Al looks out only for himself; he would not go out of his way to help a stranger at the cost of his own life because he's fought fucking hard and sacrificed too much for that life—and yet that's exactly what he's doing by helping Sam, by being the Sancho and Dulcinea to his Don Quixote, putting his own life aside to be there for Sam 24/7. because he loves him. romantically or platonically, however you choose to read their relationship, it's undeniable that Al loves Sam to a devotional degree. meanwhile Sam is riddled with guilt over not being there for his dad when he died, over "abandoning" him to pursue his own studies and interests—and then he proceeds to do exactly that to Al by stepping into the Accelerator, and then fucking again by doing what he does in Mirror Image.

i have so many frankly insane thoughts about what Sam does to Al in Mirror Image (hilarious unintentional wording sorry. unfortunately he does not fuck that old man quite the opposite.) and i am very much channeling them into a long, rambling, experimental post-canon fic, thank you very much. but the gist of it is that like... ok, taking your own words, it's very interesting that you said Sam is "sacrificing his returning home for Al's happiness", because that's not quite the way i see it. Sam was never going to return home. what he's doing for Al is, at least in his mind, setting him free and leaving him a parting gift.

ok so: Sam learns that his journey does not have an end, and he will never go home. throughout this entire journey thus far, Al has been his loyal companion, helper, and guardian angel. "i don't know if i can make it without you Al" "i don't wanna hear that you can't make it! of course you can. if you had to." but Al is just that, a companion (one that is 20 years older than Sam, worth mentioning)—someone who Sam unintentionally burdened with the role of helper. but where Sam is going, Al can't follow. he just can't keep following Sam around forever—Sam wouldn't want that for him. he wants Al to be happy, and for Al to be happy, he needs his own life back, and he needs the main wrong in his life righted—Beth.

...that's how Sam sees it, at least. because, as mentioned before, Sam may be good, but he's also selfish. it's very ironic, and juicy, to me, that he keeps repeating the same mistake over and over, with everyone he loves the most (his family and Al): consistently underestimating how much people love him, and leaving without saying goodbye. he's so obsessed with Saving Al that he fails to consider that maybe Al, who has a very specific and strong trauma about being abandoned by the people he loves the most, as much as he might be thrilled at having Beth back, might not appreciate 1. Sam not consulting him in the decision to completely turn his whole life and timeline upside down 2. Sam disappearing without a trace without saying goodbye or offering him any sort of closure in their very intense, very codependent relationship 3. having to sort of like... pay the price for having Beth by losing Sam, as if these two people, the two people he's loved the most in his entire life, were interchangeable.

and, to be fair, this part of the analysis does seem like a bit of a stretch if you've only seen the canonical ending of the show as it aired and not the original 'lost' ending that they ended up cutting for Reasons, but which i absolutely consider to be canon and the "real" ending of the show.

god, okay, i probably could have many more things to say about this if prompted, but that should be the gist of it, i believe. hopefully i'm not forgetting anything? did you know there's actually multiple alternate endings they wrote for different real-life scenarios Just In Case, including one where Sam and Al would go to space and Al would be a leaper and Sam would be a time traveler in his own body if they got picked up for a sixth season? i'm obsessed with it.

as for Al the Bartender? my fun little theory is that he's not God, or Time, or Fate, or an alien, or any of those things—in a way, in-universe, he's all of them at once.

he's The Narrative personified.

#txt #quantum leap #queap #UHH AHA. THIS IS LIKE. OVER 1K WORDS?#if youve ever been curious about me being a mirror image apologist. um. this is it.#this is my mirror image manifesto.#you guys ever think about television?#EDIT ALSO IM GLAD YOU LIKED THE SHOW ITS SO SO SO SPECIAL TO ME

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eureka-its-zico · 2 months

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i’m so sorry for your loss. grief can be a weird/scary thing to navigate. last year, i found this comment on reddit that explains grief and how it feels. it’s a little long, but it’s helped me a lot with my dad’s passing. i figured maybe it can help you too ♥️

———

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

———

From the bottom of my heart: thank you for this.

I’ve read this over and over what feels like a hundred times. Each time I’ve read it, it seemed I understood it in a new way. I have days where it feels like the waves aren’t suffocating. Where the shipwreck of my loss doesn’t feel like it’s relentlessly pulling me under, while others days it’s completely drowning me.

It’s so weird. I expect to wake up and just start talking to her. Getting on instagram, Tumblr, TikTok, or even just opening our texts reminds me with painful clarity it won’t happen.

I started playing Baldur’s Gate 3 for her last year. She kept telling me Astarion is not only a sassy vampire who I would love, but he had one of the most painful angsty backstories ever. She honestly wasn’t wrong. I finally was able to finish it for her. Even if I literally cried at random moments and had to get up and take a break. I wish I could discuss him with her. Tell her a whole lot of things and have her talk me into writing for him (aka something for her). Although I can’t tell her what impact his storyline had on me, I decided to still write it out and send it to her. To let her know - if she already doesn’t.

Thank you, again, for taking the time to send me this. I absolutely appreciate you sending something that conveys in the most tragically beautiful way what it means to miss someone always 🖤

P.s. I am so incredibly sorry to read about your loss🖤

#aestheticalling #answered #this has meant a lot to me #I hope you are well

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 9 months

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Hi there, and thanks for giving me a lifetime of validation and confidence in my neurotype to keep pushing through it all.

I'm a writer. I always have been. I love writing, and it's the only thing I consider myself to be legitimately good at. Linguistics is one of my special interests. I love the flow of a grammatically correct English sentence.

Anyway, I have major executive function issues. Specifically with starting tasks. So I already find it hard to sit down and write. But I find it even harder to continue the progress I make in anything. After enough minimal effort, my brain decides it hates this activity and everything related to it, and inside a single hour I'll go from obsessing over a creative task to being indifferent or repulsed by it. But the *feeling* of knowing I had just been so passionate about it a second ago remains. I end up putting myself into a depressive episode every time I try to be creative in any regard.

I've played D&D with my friend group for years, and I've wanted to run my own campaign for a while. But not only does my inability to start completely destroy my progress in worldbuilding and planning, but I can't organize my thoughts at all. I've tried mindmapping and charting and notebooks and binders. When I'm trying to organize my campaign in any way, I revert into this dramatically incapable person. My brain just instantly fogs and clouds, and I don't know how to visually plot my system and lore that helps me in any actual way. But I *love* worldbuilding with a passion. Even when I don't want to engage in it, I am still absolutely fascinated at creating a world from my own brain. Especially one my friends can play in. Yet in this moment, I can't mentally be bothered to do any of it, and I'm subsequently depressed.

I never saw myself ADHD since I aligned with autism so intensely. I still don't find myself relating to ADHD very often. It's also hard enough for me to accept I'm autistic because I feel like an imposter every other hour. My question for you is, how do I overcome this? How do I overcome myself? How can I enjoy an activity I literally love, and continue to enjoy it? These are loaded questions, and of course you'd have to know me personally to answer this the right way. But I just want to know if there's anything I can do about myself. How do I ignite a flame in myself that doesn't burn out in 10 minutes? Moreover, are there any tools available online that help autistic or ADHD or just neurodivergent people focus, plot, plan, and organize in a very visual way? My latest attempt was to find an AI assistant that I can verbally speak with or text, who would do the plotting for me, and ask the questions for me, and I'd just insert my thoughts and ideas. I can't find what I'm looking for. It all feels so hopeless. I can't even amount to a personal desire. I feel this has to do more with depression than anything else, but I'm new to the neurodivergent community at large, as I've mostly dealt with my struggles on my own accord, and learned through books. Maybe there's a billion tools and strategies I've never heard of before. My mind was blown 80 trillion times since downloading Tumblr regarding my mental health, so it's worth asking a profound community member like yourself.

Sorry for the essay, I'm incapable of shortening my thoughts. If I don't type it all out the way I see it in my head, it'll be an itch I can't scratch for the rest of the day. If you do have any advice or recommendations, I would be so grateful. But I'm grateful for your engagement with the community already. You're just awesome.

Thanks for the empowerment and understanding you give me every time I open this app. You're changing people's lives, and that's real.

Cheers ❤️

Hi there,

This was somewhat hard to digest, but I’ll do my best to help.

I couldn’t find much. But I did find one article that lists some ways that might help with executive dysfunction and writing. This excerpt is going to be long, so I apologize in advance:

Executive dysfunction is a term used to describe weaknesses in the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities, prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently, and makes decisions. It’s common in certain disorders, such as Depression, ADHD, and autism. Executive function skills are used to establish structures and strategies and to determine the actions required to move a project forward. So for those of us who struggle with executive dysfunction, dedicating ourselves to a project could get quite overwhelming. Here are some little tips and tricks I’ve compiled throughout my experience.

How to start:

Task initiation is one of the biggest struggles when dealing with executive dysfunction. This is especially hard with writing, since you need time to muster the energy needed to jump into your story. Here are some tips:

1. Start a 1-3 minute timer and force yourself to write something, anything, before it ends. The words that come out don’t matter. You can just write, “I don’t know.” The point is to force yourself into the writing zone.

2. Leave bread crumbs for yourself at the end of each writing session to make picking up where you left off easier. For example, stop in the middle of a sentence or thought, so the next time you write you won’t have to tackle something completely new. You just have to finish that incomplete thought and continue from there. You could also leave some notes about what happens next, cutting down thinking time in your next session.

3. Try free writing. This is a great way to get those creative juices flowing with minimal effort. Free writing alleviates the pressure of writing something good. Spend a few minutes writing about anything, like your day or a frustrated ramble about your story. It’s like a warm up before your writing session.

How to keep going:

So you’ve started your writing session. How do you keep writing? Most importantly, how do you keep working on your project? When struggling with executive dysfunction, the regular “set a schedule” approach doesn’t tend to work.

1. Scale down your goal if your big, overarching goal for your project is overwhelming. Try changing your goal to something more manageable and short term. For example, try writing 500 words a day. This might make it less likely for you to lose steam half way through.

2. Try writing sprints if daily goals aren’t working. Instead of hitting a certain word count, you’re setting a timer and writing for its entire duration

3. Don’t feel bad for needing external motivation. Will promising yourself a pizza after you hit your goal motivate you to write? By all means, do so. Maybe you just need a friend to ask you if you’ve written at the end of the day. Find out what motivates you.

4. Find a writing buddy. This can be someone who can sit down and write at the same time to hold you accountable. Or it can be a critique partner that expects you to turn in something by a certain deadline.

5. Try something new. This is one of the best ways to combat how constraining and overwhelming your writing might feel. It’s okay to lose interest in your project for awhile and try something new. Unless you’re racing to meet a deadline, you have no obligation to keep working on a project that isn’t working for you. Setting a project aside doesn’t mean giving up on it. You might only need some time away from it before you are able to finish it.

Trying something new could also mean changing where or how you write. Usually write at home? Try a coffee shop. Do you usually type? Try hand writing. It might or might not work for you. But change could be quite refreshing for your mind.

6. Write whenever you can. Sometimes the urge to write comes while you’re waiting for lunch to heat up, or right before you go to bed. Motivation can be hard to find with executive dysfunction, and designated writing times don’t always work. Have something on hand you can easily pull out to write with to take advantage of these moments. Jotting down a hundred words as you’re waiting for dinner to cool might not seem like much, but it’s still words contributed to your word count.

Some of these tips might work for you. Some might not. Writing successfully is mostly about finding what works and running with it. These are things I found helpful when I embarked on my first novel and I hope it would at least give you some ideas.

The link to the full article will be below:

If that doesn’t help, I did find this Reddit thread that might have some helpful tips.

Reddit Post

I’m sorry that I couldn’t find anyone else or anything visual. Many sources focused on younger children. So it hard to find resources for older teens and adults.

Maybe some of my followers can give some tips/advice?

If you’d like, we can talk personally so I can try to help. I have an associates degree in English if that means anything. Lol.

Anyway, thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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iwantyoursexmp3 · 3 months

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hugh grant characters in the hugh grant romcoms i watched during the peak of my sickness this week ranked by how much i want to have sex with him (least to most)

sad mid divorce lawyer stuck in rural wyoming hugh grant (did you hear about the morgans) — there is nothing interesting about this hugh grant and in fact the fullness of his character is so bad it actually takes away from his attractiveness. i have no desire to have sex with this man

obscenely rich and therefore evil but also incredibly stupid and incapable of functioning alone hugh grant (two weeks notice) — it would go against my morals but idk if i had the opportunity for that level of access i think i would have to take it because maybe i can get some money out of it and use said money for good to counteract his actions. more than anything i want to manipulate him into falling in love with me to see how stupid he’ll turn about it and maybe that would in turn cause him to neglect his business and ruin his evil financial empire from the inside. also he’s hot

art auctioneer accidentally joins the mafia hugh grant (mickey blue eyes) — genuinely what was the characterisation for this hugh grant besides his reactions to the mafia because i do not remember a thing?? ultimate “they just put hugh grant in situations” movie of all time but whatever. HE IS HOT

non committal and glasses wearing being the star of the show at every wedding he attends hugh grant (four weddings and a funeral) — so called “free thinkers” when hugh grant is single and fluffy haired and wearing glasses and also single at the wedding reception 🙄🙄 yeah like im a lion and im meant to just be chill when you dangle a beautiful succulent chunk of meat over my cage like that

washed up 80s has been who is mostly forgotten by the world because the other guy from his star studded young boy pop act is the more famous one hugh grant (music and lyrics) — okay technically if we are going purely physical looks and objectification, non committal and glasses wearing being the star of the show at every wedding he attends hugh grant is my first place, but i had to give this one the win on the fact that I know if i had been a young adult in the 1980s i would have wanted and needed silly little guy of wham! andrew ridgeley so bad and it would have been so serious. it would have been like a sickness even when he had that fuck ass mullet i would have been swooning not thinking straight. and that primal hunger would have carried into my forties through my unsatisfying marriage all the way to my 2007 high school reunion where andrew is left to fend for himself and perform solo because george is too busy being famous i guess idk that’s what happened in music and lyrics’ overly exaggerated take of the whamstory!. anyway i too like the sister would have not known how to act and some long dormant but still powerful horny beast would have also awoken inside me driving me to claw my way to the front of the stage where upon looking into my eyes (easy to do as barely anyone is there), he’d point the mic at me and we would have the moment that had been building within the fabric of the universe for the last twenty years, before he pulls a muscle tying to shake his hips or whatever hugh grant was doing in music and lyrics. i felt spiritually represented by this scene and it clouds my judgment of this hugh grant sex ranking as unfortunately the sickness is no joke and every time i look at my wham! shrine im like woahhhh i SOOO BADLY need the other guy…..wait who said all of that….ummmm i mean who DIDN’T love Pop! Goes My Heart? 😹

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bellygunnr · 4 months

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prompt: Bonnie treats Kitt3 right

Some discretion was taken with this. Mostly the ABS and such-- gotta assume that KITT and KI3T have the whole nightmare, even in the 80s. Bonnie isn't too flabbergasted by the tech because KITT is, as they say, the car of the future.

"KITT, turn your wheel all the way to the right, please."

KITT-- Three Thousand-- turns his wheel all the way to the right. Immediately, hands are all over his frame again, untangling the brake line from the wheel hub assembly. He uses a portion of his sophisticated sensory suite to watch Bonnie work, even as her face screws up in consternation, her most common expression since beginning maintenance.

And what maintenance it is! She's propped him up on jackstands and wooden blocks. It is a far cry from the gyroscopic, laser-equipped armory he's used to. It gives him time to reflect on what he considers normal. As it turns out, if a human is involved with his care, it is through a laptop.

But laptops do not exist here. And this time, his failure is... physical.

"You seem perturbed, Dr. Barstow," he says quietly.

Bonnie's face scrunches up. She fusses at the knot of sensors dangling from his front left wheel. With him unable to power down, it is a mess of data, all of it erroneous. But--

Not unwelcome.

"Not-- perturbed, KITT," she says, echoing him. "Just can't make heads or tails of what's going on here. Pretty sure it's not supposed to look like this, though. Is it?"

She brandishes some of the cables underneath his chassis. A curious location, but not useless. And it seems practiced, or at least embedded in muscle memory, as her shoulders drop several inches. Confusion is always so fascinating on humans. It's enough to soothe his irritation at his fouled eyes; the plastic sheathing has melted together.

"No, it is not. It appears I have melted the bulk of my wheel speed sensors on this side."

His fault. The 1974 Mustang II form he'd adopted had been, as Mike would say, slapped together. And consolidating all of his functions into such a tight package was, ah.

Not what he was designed to do.

Bonnie brushes her fingers across a piece of his subframe. It shouldn't feel like anything, but the nanoskin is more sensitive than usual like this. And it's a wholly novel experience. Humans do not touch him often.

It is... undeniably a positive impact.

Eventually, she pushes herself up to a standing position, silent.

KITT watches her raptly.

"Want me to see if any of, uh, KITT's parts will fit?" Bonnie asks finally. Once again, she seems 'put out', clearly trying to come up with a solution and finding none.

"I do not wish to impose. If my databanks are correct, replacement parts for my predecessor were... expensive. Nearly a quarter of the Foundation's budg--"

Her face goes gray. Wisely, he ceases speaking, because he likes her. If it'd been anyone else...

"Don't remind me. Jesus. Okay. Look, let me just see if they'll fit, okay?"

"Of course," KITT says. "I am not going anywhere."

Bonnie laughs and ducks out of the trailer. His analyzer reads it as 'slightly hysterical.' Perhaps the circumstances are painful for both of them.

#knight rider 2008 #ki3t #bonnie barstow #hi #this turned into a small novel jesus

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myrddin-wylt · 1 year

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If you don't mind me asking, what would Arthur's manic episodes entail?

I think I've mentioned it before, but imo the nations in general do not function mentally the same way mortals do, so I wouldn't like try to give Arthur a diagnosis or anything because the fact that he's immortal kinda means he's outside the purview of the ICD or DSM, ya know?

that being said, it depends on the severity of the episode, but generally his manic episodes do last much longer than otherwise would for mortals. his position as the nation's protector/representative means he really can drop whatever life he's living and just devote himself to a specific part of English society or whatever project he's working on. problem being, the project is sometimes like, an empire-wide thing. I mean, consider the symptoms of a 'usual' severe manic episode, except you have the resources and immortality to take far further than any mortal human could.

like he'll get the feelings of grandiosity like he's suddenly hypercompetent and unstoppable, and it combines with the nervous energy and he'll throw himself into whatever impulsive idea he's got, except the impulsive idea is like. fight an undeclared war with Spain via privateers (ie, drop everything and run off to become a pirate). or start a colony in the New World (have a baby). or unionize the barons and reform the government (help the barons force the Magna Carta on the king). or deal with the risk of Napoleon seizing the Danish fleet and using it to invade Britain (preemptively bombard Copenhagen). or solve the lumber and manpower problem (kickstart the Industrial Revolution). mind you, those are severe episodes and are relatively rare.

the milder manic episodes are much more limited to an interpersonal, mundane level rather than political and are generally.... what you'd expect? like 80% of all of his manic episodes are just him overworking or starting new writing projects because it's not like he can sleep anyway. other times he'll take an impromptu trip to another city because he wanted a specific food or a book or whatever. buy a ton of clothes because he wants to get into the whole punk subculture. refurnish the drawing room. get a new pet. go on a date with someone he hasn't seen in awhile and insist on spending way too much money on dinner. go clubbing or bar hopping and drink too much and ignore his responsibilities for a little while. start talking intensely and strangely about a topic he hasn't cared for before even if it's probably inappropriate for the setting or the listener.

usually that's it, and his immortality and position as nation means he can get away with it with far fewer consequences than most people. like if he spends too much money on shit he doesn't need, what's the worse that can happen? he'll become homeless and live on the streets? yeah, that's really just not a huge problem for an immortal. so overall he comes off as incredibly functional because he can just shrug off most consequences. doesn't mean it's healthy for him, but he can do it.

I really hope this answer made sense because I kept rewriting it and also wrote it out of order >_>

#ask #the-heaminator #myrddin's hcs #hetalia hcs #hetalia hc #hetalia headcanon #hetalia headcanons

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