#i’ll read it in about 10 days like the rest of my emails.

[4nglerf1sh]

nikolai is the most non canonically bisexual canon bisexual to ever exist

#does this make sense. #email me a better way to word this #i’ll read it in about 10 days like the rest of my emails. #grishaverse #nikolai lanstov #nikolai lantsov #ok idk how to spell it next question

[hecateslore]

💌

supervisor!Simon

posting another ch. in a couple, so sorry for the double tag 😬

But it was a Friday, there was no work tomorrow. You thought about it for a second and smacked yourself in the forehead. You open the phone app, and go to the call log. Your finger hovers over his number. You could call him back, but he’s probably in the shower. 

So you make him a contact on your phone. Was it weird, sure. Did you feel weird for it, oh absolutely. But he found your phone number throughout the files, so you were good. If you could keep score of all the crazy shit Simon has done just to talk to you. Yeah, he’s number one on the leaderboard. 

You begin to type, Hey. You then delete the three letter phrase, “It’s friday lmfao” you type. A response not even a minute later, “Just realized.”  You smile at his message, and that smile fades once you realize you’re texting your Supervisor on a friday night on your dinner table. 

“Did you take your luxurious bath?” you chuckle at your cheesy message. “It was a shower. Don’t like baths.” he responds. Three dots are on your end, you wait for his message. Then they disappear. You can almost hear his voice in your mind, just like his emails, short. 

You place your phone on the table, and get to cleaning your kitchen. Trying to rid him of your thoughts. Scrubbing the dishes from earlier this week harder than usual. You get a ping from your phone and your head snaps, looking at the tiny screen light up, a notification from your messages. 

“Any plans this weekend?”  the text message read from… Johnny? Your heart jumps a little bit. Your expectations lowered when you realize it wasn’t from Simon, not that it would be, he wouldn’t ask about your weekend. Not that you know, anyway. 

“None so far 🙃 why??” you respond, putting your phone back down, and picking up your recently used plate. Soaking it in the scalding hot soapy-water. Checking your phone for his text message, “You want to grab dinner on Sat.” 

You look over the message, thinking of a response, you could lie and say you do have plans, or you could just go and be a nice person for once. “Sure. Where are we gnna go?” 

“New place that opened up next to my house 😁” 

“Who uses emojis like that?” you cringe aloud, laughing off the second hand embarrassment, “I’ll see you saturday 🤪” you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in. You finish cleaning the kitchen. And go back to your room, plopping on your bed, face first of course. 

You wanted to ask how his shower was, did he shower with warm water? Probably cold, military habits. He uses 785 in one, you bet. He has residency in your brain at this point. It was getting annoying. He’s been polite and you’ve just been lusting over him for almost a week. 

You almost wore out the battery in your vibrator last weekend. After the valentine's day party you definitely had a lady boner, there was something so sexy about Simon eating a goddamn grape, opening your chips, and let's not forget the rain incident. You were gonna combust. And it’s all his fault. He’s so smug, so handsome and that damned dimple. 

“I needa stop.” you say, face stuffed in your blanket. You lift your head up, and check the time on your phone. It was getting pretty late and you needed to get ready tomorrow, you also needed to buy a new outfit for dinner. 

-

You get up around 10:30, brush your teeth, make yourself  presentable enough to be with the rest of the population. A sweater and some sweats with your slides. Keeping your sunglasses on. 

You go to the Giant mart, having to buy some necessities for your apartment. Getting some soil for your baby plants, a couple bags of cat feed for the strays, some laundry soaps and an outfit for tonight. You stopped by the coffee shop in the plaza getting a drink (fuck starbucks!!). You drive to the giant parking lot, cussing at weirdos who don’t let you in or who are constantly taking parking spaces you were looking for. 

You finally find a space, farther than you would like, but hey, You found one. You get out of your car grabbing your things and making sure your sunglasses are on your face, trying to make yourself as unapproachable as you can , hoping you won’t see anyone from your past, present or job. You grab a cart and thank the teenager who’s been busting his ass in the sun all morning. 

You go and get the necessities first, so, catnip. Checking the prices for which was the cheapest so you could buy the most for the poor little kitties. Settling for the store's brand you buy two big bags. Laundry soap was next, but you got caught up talking to some random guy who had brought his cat in. 

-

You get to the laundry aisle, rolling your basket, you see a familiar figure standing holding two different types of dryer sheets. You peep the shoulder brace on, “What’re you doing on this side of town?” You joke rolling your cart closer to him, he snaps his head quickly then laughs and meets you halfway. “I live around here.” he informs, “Me too,” you say enthusiastically, which makes you clear your throat. 

“I see you're in your civilian clothes,” you note his gym wear, “I just came from the gym," he nods, “You got cats?” he asks. “Uh no. These are for the strays.” you pat the large bags, he nods again. “You look like you were having some trouble,” you nod to the dryer sheets. 

He holds both boxes up, frowning at each label, “My favorites got discontinued.” He says. “Poor you.” you chuckle, “I know.” He sighs. 

“Those ones are the ones I use.” You point to the green box with flowers. “Ah, I used to use those ones.” he says as place the two boxes back into their spots, picking up the other box. 

“Guess I'll go back to what I know.” he shrugs, and you shake your head at him, “You’re an odd man.” he only shrugs at your words. “So, are you getting groceries?” he asks, “Uh I have a couple things I need to get but I also need an outfit.” 

“An outfit?” He raises a brow. “I have dinner.” you say grabbing a bottle of detergent, looking for the softener. “Johnny finally grew some balls, I see?”  he snickers. “It’s just dinner.” you shrug, “Can you grab that?” he looks at you and points to his shoulder, “sorry.” you blurt, reaching for the big bottle. “He’s gonna propose.” He laughs. “He’s not.” you say organizing your cart so the new edition can fit. You start walking out to the laundry aisle, heading towards the outdoor section. “What are you getting now?” Simon asks, walking at your side. “You’re a part of my errands now?”

“Guess so. Can I put this in here?” he asked, holding his box of dryer sheets over the cart. You nod and he drops it in, not caring where it lands. “I need some soil.” you say aloud reminding yourself. You both get to the soil section looking over the types and picking up two new planting pots. 

“So you and Johnny huh?” he says snapping you out of your soil reading session. “Me and Johnny huh?” you say in return. “You guys, you know?” he winks and you roll your eyes, “No,I don’t” you snort. “You’re stingy.” He jokes, “I’m private.” you point at him. “You're a pointer, that's what you are.” he points back at you, causing you to laugh at his actions. 

“We’re just getting dinner, nothing more, nothing less.” you shrug, Simon narrows his eyes at you, “ Yeah, yeah.” he sighs. “I’m serious.” you giggle. “I am too, just don’t invite him in.” He smirks. “Gross, Simon.” you groan and he cackles at your distorted face.  

“Well I better get going” he pats your shoulder, The warmth of his hand making you feel feral enough to eat him whole. You frown, “Thought you were gonna be a part of my errands?” He smiles lightly, “Some other time” He says, “Wouldn't want your boyfriend to get mad at you.” he jokes one more time. “Oh god!” You exasperate. He laughs, “I’ll see you monday.” he winks, he grabs his box of laundry sheets, and pats your shoulder again and walks back inside, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

You wanted to watch him walk back to the door. A part of you wished it was Simon who’d text you. You felt guilty for it. You felt even guiltier for fondling your bits at the thought of him. You grab a bag of soil and throw it in the cart lazily, pushing it through the automatic doors.

-

Your back in the car waiting for your phone to connect to the bluetooth. Staring ahead. “Don’t invite him inside.” You’d invite Simon in if he’d let you. “Don’t be gross.” you say as you look in the rear view mirror. You needed to get something, “Kind of fancy” Johnny’s words, not yours. So you go to the mall, it's a 30 minute drive and luckily you have so much time to spare. The reservation is set at 8 and it’s barely 2. 

When you finally get there, you hit up the usual stores. Go to sephora, buy a couple things and finally get a cute dress. You stop at the candied apple shop and buy yourself one. Sitting at the food court alone, you watch couples eat chinese food, or buy drinks from the boba tea shops. 

‘The mall would be a cute date’ you think to yourself. You’d never been to a fancy restaurant on a first date. You weren’t into fancy cuisine and you don’t really understand the culinary arts. But if foods are good, foods are good. That’s all that really matters to you.  

Johnny’s a fun guy, right? Maybe you’ll have fun tonight, maybe a little more of his personality will show. You get up from your seat and throw the rest of your apple away. 

- 

On your way home, you started to stress a little bit, were you really doing this? You tried your best to brush off the feeling of dread. But it was still there, and so were those feelings of Simon. 

When you get home you fill the two bowls of cat food, putting one bowl in your small front porch and the balcony in the back. The regular black and white cat already perched on the back balcony’s railing, “Hi there, baby.” you say softly reaching to pet the top of its head softly, “am I having a day?” you chuckle scratching behind its ear. The cat jumps and heads for the bowl, taking a couple of bites and then runs off to go back to god knows where. 

You go back inside, switch some plants into the new pots and then decide to get ready. You jump in the shower, do your hair and makeup, waiting a bit to get dressed. You open up a small bottle of Rose that had been chilling in your fridge for a couple of days. Sitting on the couch in just your robe, you feel bored and you want to bother simon. Ask him what he was up to, what else did he get up too. You wanted to tell him all the things about today, what you saw at the mall, what you brought home, what you were wearing. 

You stare at your reflection on the tv. All prettied up. You sat until you had an hour to wait for Johnny, putting your dress on, body butters and creams so your skin would be smooth, glittery and glowy. You put your jewelry on, making sure to stack your rings, and fix your anklet and toe rings. 15 minutes until Johnny comes and you're barely putting your perfume on, taking pictures of yourself and choosing which one to put on your instagram story. A bunch of mirror selfies, and pictures of your face makeup to see if it matches, you get a text message that he’s down the street, You rush running around the house barefoot searching for the new shoes you found at the thrift, Prada kitten stilettos. You grab your purse, ID and pepper spray just in case. 

“I’m here!” The text reads. You spray yourself on more time with perfume, and rush out the door, you can see Johnny's headlights from your front door. You lock your door and do a speed walk to his car, you open the passenger door and get in. “Hi.” you smile, “Hey!” he says, looking at you “You smell good.” he adds. “Thank you, I bought the perfume today.” You answer. 

“You look handsome.” You compliment and he smiles lightly, “You look good.” He keeps his eyes on the road and your eye almost twitches. Everything was just, good? “So did you find this restaurant yourself?” you ask hoping for more conversation, and trying to be better than good. 

“Through a friend.” you nod. “Through a friend,” you repeat, “What’s the menu like?” you question. “Just a mix of things.” he shrugs. You hum and stare out the window. This night has to be over quickly. “Can I put some music on?” you ask, “Uh sure.” he points to the aux cord in between the seat and middle console. You grab it and plug it in, hitting shuffle, letting it play whatever. 

The car ride to the restaurant was more awkward than any encounter you’ve had with an old man hitting on you, And that’s very awkward. 

-

“I’ve never been to a restaurant like this.” you say looking around, “Really?” He says, looking at the menu. “It’s pretty in here.” you look at all the other couples around talking, laughing, drinking wine. “Should we get some wine?” you perk up. “Sure.” he shrugs. 

You both order a glass and you almost down yours. “So, johnny?” you chuckle at yourself. “So.” he says. “What have you been up to?” you ask. “Nothing really. Work is all.” he chuckles. 

Johnny’s so handsome but, poor guy. “That’s it?” you say in disbelief, “Oh kay. So what's your favorite color?” You take a sip from your drink. “Blue.” another sip. 

“Do you have siblings?”  “Just a brother and two sisters.” Another sip. 

And that’s how it went all night, trying to pull information out of him. For twenty minutes until you both ordered. “Why’d you leave early on friday?” He asks, mouth full of food. “I had a really bad headache.” you answer, trying to hide your grimace. “Oh.” he takes another bite and then sips from his glass. “Did you miss me too much?” you try to tease. “Uh no?” your smile drops, “I was joking.” you say, and then clear the discomfort in your throat.

-

 “Well I am just stuffed.” you say, with one of your sides still on your plate. You pick up your third glass of red wine, and down it. Johnny’s eyes on you. “You a big fan of wine?” 

“I’m a big fan of anything that makes me have a good time.” you smile sarcastically. 

-

Johnny pays and you excuse yourself to the bathroom. Feeling slightly buzzed, you check your own location, you are on the other side of town. So 45 more minutes of awkward conversation and just weird subliminals. You look at yourself in the mirror. You look good, you smell good. 

Everything's good. The food was good. The wine was good, that song choice was good, everything was good, not great, not pretty, not beautiful, not even cool, just good. 

You sigh and open your messaging app, and your thumb hovers over Simon's contact. You stare at it for a long time, maybe you could call him up, and complain, he’d listen. Johnny doesn’t, everythings good to him. He sure does pay attention to the cute little server in her cute little hostess outfit. You noticed. You didn’t say anything, just sat there and ate the splatter of whatever vegetable that was decoration on your plate. 

You’d felt like this before. When you were young and the boys overlooked you for your friends, they were prettier. You understood the boys, your friends were and still are pretty and have beautiful personalities. Your eyes started to water, you grabbed some tissue and cleaned your eyes. A knock on the door interrupts your little moment. You opened it and there Johnny stood, “you okay?” he asks brows furrowed, “Yeah” you nod. 

-

You get back in the car and sit with your body turned to the window. “Food was good.” He says breaking the silence. “Mhm.” you hum. “You got a buzz?” he chuckles, “No, I'm great.” you say quietly. Looking at the lights on the street. You can see a gas station coming up and an Idea pops up in your head. “Actually, can you stop at the gas station?” He looks at you confused but switches lanes to turn in anyway, “Is there a reason?” He questions you. “I’m gonna get another ride, I have something else after this.” 

“I can drop you off-” you cut him off quickly, “No need!” 

He pulls into the gas station and you get out, waving at him, you walk to the entry. A lady with bright blue eyeshadow works the front counter, “Nice shoes.” you look down, “Thank you” you smile.  You open your contacts and click on Simons, not thinking at all. 

“Hello?” his deep voice picks up. “Hey.” you say softly, “Were you sleeping?” 

“I was laying down.” he says, not confirming or denying. “I’ll call some other time-”  he stops you with a hush, “What’s wrong?” you suck in a breath and that makes him sigh. “What happened?” he asks, concerned. 

“I’m at a gas station.” 

taglist: @darkravenqueen98 @shunoodles @lovely-giggles @imjustmes @definitelynotaclown @oreo-cream @whos-fran @ilovehyperfixating @w00lgathering @idkbbyx3

#supervisor!simon #simon ghost riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #ghost x reader #ghost x you #ghost x y/n #simon riley #ghost cod #ghost call of duty #cod mw2 #cod

[tieronecrush]

꒰ა ONLY ANGEL ໒꒱

javier peña x f!reader

chapter two: lips of an angel

series masterlist

rating: E (18+ only, MDNI)

summary: After his return to the US, Javier is trying to settle back into a normal life without the pressures of Colombia and the DEA, but he finds himself feeling isolated with no one to spend his nights with. Now a newly appointed criminology professor at Texas A&M, he is drawn to you, a post-grad student in one of his classes. You’re intelligent and witty, sweet and kind, and he can’t get you out of his mind. To cope with his growing loneliness and to rid himself of thoughts of you, he signs up for an “arrangement service” to connect him with somebody—a sugar baby—he can care for. After he is matched up with Angel, he finds himself developing feelings quicker than he ever expected, but what happens when he finds out Angel is really you?

series warnings: power imbalance (prof and student), sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship, discussion of money, criminal activity, judicial systems, graduate school, smut, daddy/papí kink, praise kink, degradation, self deprecation, discussion of self worth, multiple sexual or romantic partners, sex work, cursing, use of spanish, likely more warning so read at your own risk!

word count: 5.1k

a/n: thank you @northernbluess for beta-ing this series for me <333 love you bestie, the only one i'd wanna be a sister wife with

To: TheOnlyAngel

Subject: Nice To Meet You?

Hey,

I got an email that we were matched for Sweet Temptations. I figured I would reach out and introduce myself, maybe get to know you a bit if you are alright with that.

Feel free to call me Javi. I am honestly not sure what else I’m meant to do in an introduction like this. I promise I am normally much smoother than this, or at least more human and less awkward.

It’s nice to meet you, and to be matched up with you, Angel. If that’s what I should call you?

J

From: TheOnlyAngel

Subject: Re: Nice To Meet You?

Hi Javi!

It’s nice to meet you too, and hopefully, we get to meet in person. These first emails are always awkward no matter how many I’ve sent or received, so please be assured that, honestly, that was one of the better ones I’ve gotten. :) 

I normally like to ask what you’re looking for out of this “arrangement” (I hate calling it that, it sounds so impersonal) and maybe you can tell me some fun facts about you if you want to share!

I can go first for the fun facts:

Green is my favorite color

I unironically love the song MMMBop by Hansen (which is unexpected if you saw the rest of my tape and CD collection)

My current favorite movie is Romeo + Juliet that came out a couple of years ago cause Paul Rudd <3

That’s about all that I can think of as I sit in bed and type this so hopefully that is sufficient enough!

TTYL Javi,

Angel

To: TheOnlyAngel

Subject: Re: Re: Nice To Meet You?

Hey Angel

Paul Rudd is pretty likable, I’ll give you that. Is he your type? Cause I hate to break it to you sweetheart but I don’t really look like him. Both have dark hair but that’s about where the similarities stop. And Romeo + Juliet huh? Must be a bit of a romantic.

And MMMBop…it is catchy. I have to stop myself humming it at work these days.

As for what I’m looking for, I guess I just want someone to spend some time with. Whatever comes of it, comes of it, but I don’t want to really have any expectations. Just wanna get to know you, Angel.

Took me a while to think of some fun facts:

I grew up on a cattle ranch right on the border of Mexico in Southern Texas

When I was little (like 9/10 years old) my primos dared me to enter a rodeo for Mutton Busting (chasing a sheep around to try to catch it)

A CD of Selena stays in my car at all times, and yes, I know all the words

Hope those were fun enough for you, Angel.

And I hope you have a good day today.

J

The emails continued for about a week and a half, Javier slowly became more comfortable with the virtual communications. Angel was bubbly, and sweet, always asking him questions and always interested in hearing about his day or what his favorite book was. It was either his loneliness or a newfound desperation that had his heart skipping when the sound of new mail pinged from his desktop.

It felt a bit strange to have such normal exchanges with Angel and be reminded of the circumstances with his bank statement for the charges that the service takes monthly. With how personable Angel has been even via email, he finds himself forgetting what exactly brought them together. Maybe all the mystery and excitement will wear off when the two of you meet, but something deep in his gut is telling him that isn’t going to happen.

He drags himself away from his desk, no response from Angel yet today. All he can think about is how he hopes there’s a new message when he comes back, gathering his things to head to the lecture hall for the third week of Sociology of Deviance.

In the beginning, he thought this class was going to be a chore to do. Stuck onto his schedule last minute, had new material to cover, and had an annoying Dean of Faculty checking in on him much more often because of it. However, a handful of sessions in, he’s got a bit of a skip in his step to rush over there, the familiar jump in his stomach when he thinks about you.

The pretty fall floral dresses you’ve started wearing with the change in weather, large cardigans pulled over the top. You’ve worn a few flannels over your shoulders, clearly oversized and he feels a prick of jealousy whenever he sees you in them.

Do you have a boyfriend? Are those shirts his?

What would you look like in one of his button-downs?

Christ, the thoughts won’t stop no matter how hard he tries. Another reason why he is attempting to completely throw himself into this new “arrangement”, hoping it would be a means to an end to his crush on his student.

That’s what it is. He has a fucking crush.

He hasn’t had a crush in years.

Laying everything out for the class session, he starts writing the discussion points on the board. At the sound of the door violently swinging open and a rumble of loud footsteps rushing, he looks over his shoulder to see you, belongings in your arms and clearly flustered. His jaw drops open to ask if you’re alright, making a burning flash of eye contact with you before you drop your head, embarrassed, and find your seat.

Turning back to the chalkboard, he shakes his head minutely, rolling his shoulders before continuing his writing, white powder from the chalk coating his fingers. Instead of his normal thoughts of you, he keeps fighting the urge to ask if you’re okay. In the short time he’s known you if you could even say that about your dynamic, he knows it’s very unusual for you to come in that incomposed. He wipes the residue off on his pants, facing the class. 

While he teaches, his eyes continue to wander to you, oddly quiet when you would normally be engaged in the discussion. That kid Alex, obnoxious from the jump, is taking up far too much air time in this class, and Javier can’t help the annoyance on his face as he leans back against the desk, arms crossed over his chest as he waits for this kid to finish his long-winded, and incorrect answer.

You scoff audibly at a point that Alex made, piquing Javier’s attention. The two of you make eye contact again, and Javier suddenly unravels one arm from his chest, holding it up toward Alex.

“Excuse me, Alex, I respect your points but I think there might be some counters to your arguments. I want to be able to hear them before we move on,” Javier calls out your name, and his head snaps to you, nodding encouragingly, “What were your thoughts?”

“Oh, um, I was going to say that I don’t think that socioeconomic or social standing is the only explanation for the makeup of the prison system. And I think it’s pretty naive to think that it’s only rich people that get off with less severe punishments.” Javier watches your shoulders tense a bit at the obvious eye roll from Alex, the pen in between your fingers bouncing with nerves.

“Do you mind expanding on that? I’m interested in what you think is another reason,” Javier holds eye contact with you, the slightest smile on his face to reassure you to stand your ground in the argument.

“I mean, to me, It’s pretty obvious that the biggest reason is racial discrimination in the legal process. White people dominate the political landscape and the prejudices, even unconscious bias, contribute to the makeup of the incarcerated population. Judges will give favorable or less severe punishments to white defendants, and of course, class biases are a thing, especially because of the cost of criminal defense, but I think the overt, umbrella reason is racial discrimination in the legal process. It’s built into the systems of government, which is pretty depressing…”

You trail off and laugh awkwardly at the silence in the room, some classmates nodding in agreement while some are unphased, uninterested. 

“That’s good. That’s exactly what I was hoping would be brought up by someone,” Javier nods to you, pointing in your direction before he rounds the desk to start writing on the board for students to take down in their notes.

In your seat, you start to copy down into your notebook, glancing up to see him look over his shoulder at you. One corner of his mouth lifts, a smile in his eyes as you try to bite back your own grin that threatens to expose how much you enjoyed his short praises.

From: TheOnlyAngel

Subject: Wanna Meet Up?

Hiiii Javi

I’ve had such a shitty day today, but honestly, I was still excited to be able to come home and talk to you. :)

Do you think you’d be interested in meeting in person this weekend? I’m free Saturday night if you are. LMK!

Hope your day was better than mine!

xoxo,

Angel

Plans were made to meet Saturday night around eight o’clock. Javier had chosen a bar he’d become familiar with on those nights when he couldn’t sleep, when the memories of Colombia were too much when he couldn’t stop thinking about those damn boats that were in his backyard.

The place is small, intimate, and quiet enough to hold a conversation — which he knew from the one or two times he’d picked up someone and brought them back to his apartment. There was always some sort of live music, usually some jazz or folksy blues, that could fill any first-date awkward silences.

In his last email to her, Javier told Angel that he’d be in the back of the bar, at a table for two, wearing jeans and a red short-sleeve button-up shirt. He makes sure to arrive first, getting there a bit overly early at 7:30 to snag a table and order himself a drink to calm his nerves. Pounding the glass back on the bar top, he orders another whiskey neat to nurse until she arrives.

This is a different feeling than he’s had before a date. Nerves aren’t normally his thing when it comes to women, but something about this night feels higher stakes than before.

Get it together, Javi. It’s a date, if it goes horribly, you don’t have to do it again. Plus, she doesn’t even need to be interested in you, this is her job.

When you arrive at the tiny, hole-in-the-wall bar, you nod thanks to the man holding the door for you, rolling your eyes when you get a comment from him that you didn’t ask for.

“Nice tits, sweetheart.” He slurs and sends you a wink that is definitely more of a blink. You slip past him without issue, scanning the small area for the man with dark hair and a red shirt on. At this point, with how many times you’ve done this, you’re normally not nervous to meet these men in person. It’s something you’re obligated to do, like showing up for any other job, and that’s how you treat it.

But this time around, something’s different. Talking with Javier has actually been….nice? He’s responsive and wants to get to know you, never taking more than a day to get back to you. He’s asked you more questions about yourself than anyone else has before and he always, always wants to hear about your day. If you weren’t careful, you could see yourself getting attached.

Well, getting attached if he’s anything like you’ve imagined him. Or who you’ve imagined him to be.

The only red shirt you can spot is on a man sitting at a table toward the back, facing away from the door and toward the stage in the corner where a jazz trio is playing a low, crooning song. Biting back a smile, you start to make your way over to him, admiring him from behind.

It’s broad shoulders and a strong neck, muscles flexing as he adjusts in his seat. His dark, chocolatey hair is combed nicely, so much so that you can’t help but have the thought of running your fingers through it and messing it up.

Dressed in a black dress with blotted red lips, you weave in between people, ignoring anyone else as you keep your eyes on the man you’re here to meet. Javi stays facing forward, watching the band play even as you stand behind him, cheated to his side a bit. Holding your breath, you lean closer and tap him on his shoulder.

“Um, excuse me, Javi?”

At the sound of his name, Javier turns over his shoulder to his right, a smile on his face already from the honeyed kindness in her voice. She did really sound like an angel for a second there before he realized where the sound was coming from.

“Yeah, I’m Ja—“ The sound stops in his throat when he is facing you. Your supple lips with the dainty Cupid’s bow, rouged cheeks, and gentle smile; normally in a nice dress or cardigan in class, but here you’re wearing much less material, more of your skin on display.

What would it be like to kiss it?

No. That is not ever going to happen.

Those doe eyes hold an innate tenderness that he couldn’t imagine ever being privy to, but here he was, under the stare of those and it was making him sweat. He can only imagine what he looks like to you at the moment, eyes wide and mouth blubbering to speak like a fish gasping for air.

You recognized him at the same time, biting the inside of your cheek to hold back the word vomit threatening to come out. If it did, you know you would end up spilling how honestly excited you are that the man you’ve been emailing with has turned out to be Professor Peña. You’ve harbored a bit of a crush on him for the last few weeks, ever since that smile he gave you when you introduced yourself after the first session. It had been burning moments of eye contact, and those gentle encouragements from him.

Hell, after class this week when he praised your counterarguments, you thought about his voice saying “That’s good” over and over while you laid in your bed that night, coming with the image of him over you in record time.

The first word out of his mouth is your name, tone flicked up at the end in a question. He grumbles to himself as he moves to stand up, forgetting his drink on the table.

“Fuck, this is bad…” He whispers under his breath, shaking his head at himself as he runs his hands on the sides of his jeans. “I’m so sorry.”

He steps back to further the distance between you two, awkwardly avoiding your eyes as he attempts to recover his professionalism.

“It’s alr—“

“I had no idea it was you. This is completely inappropriate, I apologize. I should leave, uh, and I completely understand if you need to change out of my class. I know it’s past the cut-off date, but I would help if you needed—”

“Javi — can I call you that?” He considers it for a moment before nodding, rigidity evident in his body, “Javi, it’s alright. You don’t need to apologize, neither of us knew before this moment…But I do have to say, I wouldn’t tell.”

“Uh, I’m sorry — what?”

“I wouldn’t say anything. If you wanted to sit down and have a drink, or a few, and get to know each other like we planned to, I wouldn’t say a word. Even if you weren’t interested after this, I promise, the secret’s safe with me.”

Javier can’t deny how much he was looking forward to meeting the woman he was emailing with. And he can’t deny that he’s had his eyes on you since that first meeting. Hell, he can barely control his thoughts around you.

Of course, it had to be you. The two people he can’t get out of his head have turned out to be only one person, and of course, it’s you.

“If it informs your decision, I would love to get to know you more, Javi.”

He stutters through his thoughts out loud before resigning with a sigh, taking a breath as he forms his response, “Only if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Definitely. Wouldn’t have suggested it otherwise. Now, may I join you?” You gesture to the empty chair and Javi nods quickly.

“Yeah, of course. Here, let me get that.” He visibly relaxes a bit, falling into a routine he knows well. Rounding the small table, he pulls your chair out for you before settling in the seat opposite. Shortly after, a server comes around and takes your drink orders, Javier looking to you to go first. After the order is placed, the server leaves the two of you in silence at the table.

Another beat passes before Javier speaks, saying what you both are thinking, “Sorry, I just, cannot believe it happened to be you.”

“Why’s that?” You ask with a lilt of humor in your voice, sitting up in the chair to move toward him, “Don’t think I would be into all this?”

“Yeah, I guess so, but—Actually I should not say what I was about to say,” he chuckles and shakes his head.

“Oh, c’mon, what were you gonna say?”

“Nope, definitely not going to tell you, sweetheart,” he smirks at you and then adjusts in his seat awkwardly, “Oh, ‘m sorry, I shouldn’t have sa—“

“Javi. It’s fine, just relax. You’re not making me uncomfortable at all if that’s what you’re worried about,” you give him a sincere smile, reaching across to hold his arm that’s lying on the table, “It’s actually kind of nice to have those nicknames coming from you and not some other creepy men who contact me.”

“Why’s that?” He echoes your question from moments before, eyebrows raising in curiosity and the same smirk growing on his face, glancing down at your hand on him.

“I shouldn’t say what I was about to say,” you attempt to imitate his voice, laughing at the end when he gives you a look that says ‘Really?’.

“I don’t sound like that, cariño. But that’s a good try. Now what is it that makes me nicer than the other men you’ve seen?”

‘That’s a good try.’ This man.

“And how do you know that? I could be nailing what you sound like to other people. You hear your voice differently.” You poke his arm pointedly, moving your hand toward your lap again. Before it leaves the table, Javier stretches his arm across, catching your fingers with his. He holds them loosely in his, running his thumb across your knuckles as he keeps eye contact with you.

“I’ve heard my voice enough in press conferences that were televised, angel. I don’t sound like that,” he uses his free hand to take a sip of his whiskey, “And don’t try to change the subject. I wanna know what you are gonna say.”

“I could say the same thing to you. We both have our secrets tonight,” you take a sip of your drink and shrug, “You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.”

“Nice negotiating, cariño, but I think I’d have to have a few more of these if I was going to share mine.” He raises his glass a couple of inches off the table, the amber liquid sloshing around before he sets it down again.

You’d say anything to get him to keep giving you praise like that all the time.

Grabbing your own glass, you lift it to him and smile, “Well, only one of these and I’ll be spilling all my dirty secrets.”

Javier’s jaw notches to the side as you say that, biting his cheek before he takes his hand from yours and runs his thumb across his bottom lip to the corner.

Inside his chest, he feels his heart beating faster and feels his blood rushing south, that same damn smile of yours that you give him from rows away in class doing the same damn thing it does to him there.

Half of him is wondering how he can make you smile like that all the time.

The other half wants to wipe that smile off of your face and have you whimpering.

What would you look like under him?

Jesus Christ, he’s way far gone.

Javier’s had three more whiskeys on top of his previous three. You’ve had about four drinks yourself.

The evening has devolved into something much more casual, breezy; conversation has flowed between you two, finding things in common and swapping stories that have the other laughing. From the serious professor in class, this more easy-going Javi is refreshing to see and definitely makes your crush a lot worse, somersaulting stomach and warm, syrupy flood across your whole body.

The subject has returned to the evening’s secrets, you asking him again to share what he was going to say.

“Please, Javi, it can’t be any more embarrassing than what mine is. I’ll tell you what I was gonna say if you promise to tell me.” You extend your arm, fingers closed into a fist beside your pinky.

He looks at your hand, debating internally before deciding ‘fuck it’ and links his little finger with yours.

“I promise, cariño,” he smiles and nods for you to share, “What are you dying to tell me so that you can hear what I was gonna say?”

“The affection from you is nice cause, I don’t know, you feel…safe. When I first started, I was getting some weird men that wanted to meet, and—This has just been fun,” you resign with a soft smile, “Plus it helps that you’re hot. Got the whole smoldering cop with the porn stache thing.”

“Smoldering cop with the porn stache? I didn’t realize that was a thing,” he laughs, the crinkles next to his eyes deepening before he takes your hand lying on the table, “I’m glad this has been fun for you. After all that shock and awkwardness at the beginning, I think it’s been really nice to get to know you, angel.”

“Alright, I shared my little secret, you share yours now.”

Javier sighs, his thumb rubbing back and forth across your skin. He takes a moment to speak before he meets your eyes, a resistant smirk on his face, “You are really gonna make me say this?”

“You pinky promised! I didn’t make you do that, there’s no coercion here, Javier.”

“Fine, fine. You’re too quick, cariño,” he squeezes your fingers with his, “I was gonna say before that I couldn’t believe it happened to be you ‘cause—It’s stupid, really, but I’ve had a bit of a crush on you since that first class, querida.”

“A crush? The sexy Professor Peña has a crush on me?”

“Couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. Can’t keep ‘em off of you, cariño. Too beautiful. And you’re fucking on it all the time, so goddamn smart. I really am convinced you should be teaching for me,” he glances down sheepishly, feeling exposed from his tipsy confession.

The surface of your cheeks heats up, feeling a tingle down your spine when his eyes meet yours again. Leaning forward across the table, you bite your bottom lip as you drink him all in.

“D’you think I’ll ever be able to properly pay attention in class again after that?”

“You better, sweetheart. Just cause I’ve got a crush on you doesn’t mean you’ll get a good grade. Not gonna go easy on you. Fair’s fair.”

“Mm, I don’t mind it hard. I prefer it that way, actually. Makes it much more satisfying when you finish.” Your tongue wets your lips before you take your bottom one between your teeth, watching as Javier’s eyes darken at your double entendre.

He shakes his head, giving you a knowing look about your mischievous word choice, “Better be ready for a challenge then, angel.”

“Always, Peña.”

It’s late now, verging on turning into Sunday; the hours flew by with each other. Javier noticed the time on his watch, the crowd in the bar was sparse in spots that were full when he got there. When he looks at you, your eyelids look heavy, and those normally wide and bright eyes, eager and excited, look drowsy and content, so close to slipping closed and turning your mind off for the night.

“You ready to head out, angel? We’ll go find you a cab.” He asks with a subtle smile on his face, scooting out of his chair and standing, offering a hand to you.

“Yeah, m’ready.” You rise after taking his hand, hiking your small rectangular bag over your shoulder and stepping closer to him as he switches which hand is holding yours. Right in right, he grips yours from the outside of your palm, fingers lacing together as he presses his left into the small of your back, weaving between the patrons and out the front door.

The air is crisp when the door breaks open, cool air surrounding your warm, alcohol-blanketed bodies. Javier's touch still surrounds you, your right shoulder pressing into his chest when you turn to say something to him.

He takes a step back, allowing you the space to rotate fully in his arms, meeting his eyes and feeling a grin toy at your lips.

“Tonight was nice.”

“It was. Think I should be saying thanks to you. M’glad you had me stay.”

“Yeah? Well, m’happy to hear that cause I was gonna say, if you wanted to keep this up — meeting up, the arrangement all of that — if you wanted to keep it up for the semester, I would happily keep the secret. Y’know, you help me, I help you kind of thing. We just have fun.”

Javier considers the offer, ticking his jaw as he debates internally. On one hand, it’s a massive risk. The two of you could be seen out with each other, or if anyone noticed anything different in class, it could jeopardize his job, and possibly your degree. But on the other hand, if every night with you is like this one, he’s hard-pressed to say no. You’re funny and intelligent and beautiful — sure, there’s the element of how you two met and what happens behind the scenes, money taken out of his account monthly and forwarded to you through the service — but with the way you’ve had his heart pumping from your sweetness and his cock half hard at how turned on you have him constantly, he really can’t find a fuck to give about the risk.

“Alright. If you are in for it, I definitely am, angel,” he grins at you, his tongue poking out to wet his lips when his eyes flit to yours, the faint red lipstick of yours still holding strong.

“Good, Javi. That’s good,” your voice is a purr, a smug smirk playing at your lips when he leans in closer, walking you back towards the brick facade of the bar. His knees nearly give out when he hears those small praises, already waiting for the next time you speak them to him.

“Can I…?” he trails off, the tip of his nose only an inch from yours.

“You can kiss me, Javi.”

Without wasting another second, he catches his lips with yours, gentle at first with soft, delicate kisses exchanged. His tongue slides along your bottom lip, a breathy whimper parting your mouth enough for him to lick into it, melting his tongue with yours. One of his hands moves to hold your jaw, the other stagnant at your hip. A step closer brings him flush against you, quiet moans muffled into each other’s mouths.

The roughness of the brick is harsh against your bare skin on display, the contrasting sensations pooling arousal in between your legs. Javier tastes like tobacco, whiskey, and mint gum; an interesting combination but an intoxicating one. His hand at your hip moves around to your ass, pulling you off the wall slightly and against him, his growing bulge felt against your torso.

Before the two of you can get completely lost in each other, you pull away, hands on his chest. A taxi pulls up at that moment, honking its horn in question if you need a ride. You wave to him and ask for one minute with your fingers, turning back to Javi standing in front of you a bit breathless.

“I should go. Got some reading to do for this class on Monday that I’ve got.”

“Oh, yeah? Hope your professor hasn’t been killing you with the readings,” he smirks back at you.

“Nah, he hasn’t been killing me but seems like he does really wanna give it to me. Must have some high expectations,” your voice is coated with a lilt of teasing, winking at him as you slip from his arms.

He follows close behind to walk you to the cab, a hand finding your back and dropping down to graze his fingers across your ass.

“Think you’ll have no trouble exceeding those expectations, angel. Plus you could always ask for one-on-one tutoring or some extra credit.” It’s his turn to wink, opening the rear door for you and helping you in.

“Glad I have your confidence, Javi. Here, gimme your phone I’ll give you my number.” You reach out and he fumbles it from his pocket, passing it off to you. The information is quickly entered and saved, handing his device back to him and looking up at him from the seat of the cab.

“I’ll be waiting for a call, Javi. And I’ll see you Monday, Professor Peña.” You give him one last look, giggling as you shut the door and he hits the top of the taxi before you drive away, standing there with an idiotic smile on his face.

Javier grew up religious, his mamá dragging him to church every Sunday. He’s only been back to church at the major holidays he’s been home, leaving behind any spiritual side of him. All the concepts of eternal souls and heaven and hell meant nothing to him.

However, tonight, he felt an inkling to believe that heaven was real, and he had met an angel.

His angel.

tagging those from last time: @northernbluess @swiftispunk @joelsversion @mrsquill @yazsos @cartoon-garbage04 @sugadolly @ilovepedro @lovers-liability @deathwife @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @undrthelights @atticrissfinch @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @casa-boiardi @wannab-urs @fishingforpike @msjarvis @walkintotheriveranddisappear @sugadolly @tbniarq @vee-bees-blog @spidermanfrog @belliezz @joelsflannel

IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAGLIST, PLEASE FILL THIS FORM OUT! thank you!

#javier #writing #only angel #javier peña x f!reader #javier peña x you #javier peña x reader #javier peña x female reader #javier peña smut #javier peña fanfiction #javier peña fic #javier peña fanfic #javier peña x afab!reader #javier pena x female reader #javier pena x f!reader #javier pena x reader #javier pena smut #javier pena fic #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena fanfic

[marvel-and-chicago-fan]

Low Days

I’ve changed my format and things around cause I like it better that way :D

I think I’ll keep this font for different One Shots like this and keep the normal one for Halstead sister one shots.

I think I’ll be able to finish the day I start it as well. And sorry if there’s horrible grammar I wrote this on my phone😭

Word count: 

Summary: Your Matt’s sister and There’s a hostage situation in the hosue

Warnings: Guns, Hostage situation, mentions of Hospitals, Mentions of death, seizures  Small Cursing ~and I think that’s all~

—————-———————————————————

Ever since you were young your older brother Matt has looked after you, along with the rest of the people at 51.

You never really minded staying at the house most of the day. Whenever you weren’t at school you were there and whenever you got off of school you were there. 

Everyone spoiled you most of the time. Violet, Stella and Sylvie made sure to spend some girl time with you. Either going out for milkshakes or just talking about drama in or school or boys .And the others spent some time with you and they all were special to you in their own way.

Whenever the truck was gone Kelly, Herman or boden would watch you. If everyone had to go then they would take you with them and you would wait in the engine.

“Y/n have you done your homework?”  Your brother said. “Yeah I emailed my teacher that I finished it.” You were gone for about a week due to being sick. It was late October and of course it’s flu season so you were bound to get it. 

Just then Matt’s phone went off. “Hey y/n go get something to eat or drink your sugar is low” your brother said as his phone lit up with a notification. Yeah you had type 1 diabetes, you got diagnosed at 10 after your sugar had dropped dramatically while everyone was on call and they had found you in the truck practically life less.

“Alright I’ll be right back-“ About 10 guys barged into the station holding guns screaming at everyone who was in their sight.

“EVERYBODY DOWN ON THE GROUND NOW. GET RID PF EVERYTHING, PHONES, WATCHES,ANYTHING YOU HAVE IN YOUR POCKETS” one of guys he looked like the leader.

Matt dragged you to the ground and pushed you towards everyone else who was in the main area where the trucks were ~idk what it’s called~

“Hey you put give me your phone now.” One of the guys spat at you. You shook your head in fear. Before he could lunge at you Kelly got in front of you. “She has diabetes she needs her phone.” Kelly spoke. “Diabetes are the least of her worries now. Hand it over.” Kelly and Matt gave you a look. You slid your phone across the floor. Matt read your face and could see that you were worried. “I promise I’ll your glucose meter” Matt reassured you. 

***

4 hours, you add the crew have been held hostage for 4 hours now.  CPD has been trying to talk to the leader of this and he was finally arrested . The last number your blood sugar had been at was. 58 and you could tell it was dropping.

“Y/n I need you to stay awake for a little bit longer, okay?” Matt cooed. “Just a small nap” you leaned onto Kelly’s shoulder sleep pulling you in.

Sylvie had ran to your to your drawer that was in the office that contained all of your stuff and grabbed your glucagon and ran back to you.

“What’s her number?” Sylvie asked while opening the bright Red box. Kelly read your phone screen. “29 and it’s dropping.”

“Hey Y/n, I’m gonna test you alright?” Sylvie says. Before she could even test you, you started pulling away. 

“She’s having a seizure, roll her on her side, Stella go get nasal spray from the cabinet inside the rig” Sylvie spoke fast and Stella nodded and ran quickly.

“You’re okay Y/n, you’re okay” Matt said. 

“Does she need to go the hospital?” Jay walked over to everyone. “No, not unless her blood sugar goes down to where I can’t control it.  Stella returned with the nasal spray and Sylvie sprayed it into your nose. 

As you stopped seizing, Matt immediately went by your side “see you’re all good now, we’re gonna make you feel better, then we can go wherever you like you just have to stay with me” Matt said as he rubbed your back.

“Truck 81, Ambo 16. Reports of child stuck on roof”

“Go, I’ll watch after her with them” Jay was like your brother, whenever you couldn’t make it to the station after school because it was snowing or too cold, you would be at the district and hang out with everyone there. Jay would make sure he would give you food, get your homework done, and would make sure your sugar didn’t get to low or high”

Matt have instructions right beofre he wa about to leave “If her sugar drops to 50 or below again after giving her the Glucagon take her-“ “to the hospital and she has another seizure take her to the hospital and keep her in her side. I know the drill man, I got her” Jay had been through this about Three or two times. “Thanks Jay” 

***

Your eyes flutter open but you shut them again because of the bright lights overhead.  You soon adjusted to the light and realized you were on the couch in the break room. You looked around and saw Herman, Kelly and Jay talking together. What the hell happened?

“What the hell happened, where is everyone” You muttered. The three men immediately turned to you 

“First of all language, second, your blood sugar dropped while we were in the whole hostage situation and you had a seizure” Kelly spoke

“What was it at?” You cried “29 was last I knew of” Jay picked his phone to see what your number were at now. “Atleast I got a new record” you dorsally celebrate. “I can see your humor hasn’t gone away” Herman laughed.

“Where’s Matt” Matt was usually with you after you had a low and you felt exhausted afterwards. “He’s on a call now everyone else should be back soon since it was something small”

“Can I have like pretzels or something I’m really hungry”You begged “you know the drill y/n you have to have something sweet that’s a drink or a snack.” Jay pointed out.  “well can I have Gatorade?” Gatorade was your all time favorite when you were low. “we’re out of Gatorade, since we didn’t go grocery shopping last week. But you can have apple juice” Kelly compromised“well not my favorite but I’ll take it”You shrugged 

Kelly walks over to the fridge and retrieves your juice and hands to you. “I almost just died can someone help me open this”

“First of all, don’t say that because of a Matt was around he would freak and yes we’ll help you open it.” Jay laughs as he takes the box from you.

“I’m gonna take a nap, I’m exhausted from today” You pulled the blanket you had on closer. “Wake me if someone brings me food,I love food”

“Yes princess Y/n”

Surprise y’all I posted, apologies for not posting last month. Now I can get onto requests and my other one shot that only need about 200 more words and it’ll post.

Thank you so much for read and I love y’all

-Lia

#chicago pd #halstead brothers #jay halstead #chicago #halstead sister #x reader #hospital mention tw #one chicago #will halstead #chicago med #chicago fire #illinois

[kayfeefgtrghh]

Connor (RK800) x shy reader

Did I just write 2984 words? Maybe…

Body image is talked about here as well as other topics that might be sensitive. Read at your own accord. Also, apologies since this is the first fanfic I’ve written in over 10 years. The last 5 years I’ve spent writing university papers. If it’s not the best I’m sorry!

*Reader is addressed as ‘little girl’ and has long hair.

*Does include swear words but I’ve tried to censor them a little.

“Hank the paperwork is due today… And-“ His head tilts “detective? Your temperature is very high. Are you sick?” Putting his hand to my forehead. Throat dry, I try to speak but nothing comes out and stare at Connor, red in the face. Glancing to a friend hoping he can help but Hank just looks back at his screen. Great. I’m on my own. Well. “Yes” squeaks out before you feel a shoulder bump into my back. Sharp breathe in. Turning to make eye contact with Derrik Fedpilzt. He got off on me being quiet. Said I make a shit cop. Too fat, not smart enough, too slow, can’t keep my “female” emotions out of work. Looking down, surprised he kept quiet. I apologise before getting back to my desk. 2 close calls in one day was enough. Writing this report is such a waste of time. Its not like it’s real. I saw it. That deviant was protecting a child… It didn’t deserve to die. Email? Shit. Should I say something to Hank? No. No. I can’t be weak. I can do this. I can’t drag others into my own problems.

‘Don’t think I didn’t figure you out. Meet me in the carpark at 8pm tonight.’ – DF

I need to take my mind off of this. “Heyyyy Hank. Is that seat free?” pointing to his lap. He had such a priceless face before shaking his head mumbling, something about kids these days, under his breathe. Making me giggle. “Okay, but really, I’m going for coffee if you want some?”

“Yeah, Connor should be back soon.”

“Ahh I just meant the-‘

“Lieutenant. Detective.” Connor starts to which I just avoid his gaze and nod to my title. “My apologise for interrupting the conversation.”

“No worries, Connor.” Hank straightens his back, “we’re all heading for coffee.” Connor simply nods in reply to his partner. I try catching Hank’s eye but he just smirks.

-------------*Time skip to coffee shop*---------------

“Soy latte please.” Cringing at how quiet my voice just came out.

“Yes. I-I couldn’t pass up fireworks. It’s nostalgic. What about you both?” Hoping to get away from the spotlight. Hank finally feeling nice speaks up,

“Sorry can you repeat that for me please” the Barista inquires politely. "Soy latte. Thank you.” Connor interjects for me. All I can do is nod and smile shyly to the server while paying.  Sliding into a booth opposite Hank. Connor right after me. Oh. My. God. I can feel his body so close to mine. Keep it together (y/n)! Fingers pulling my coat closer self-consciously. “I heard there is going to be ice festival with fire works tonight. Will you be going Detective?”

“Nah. Kid wants to go so maybe you could go together. Me and Sumo are watching sport, drinking, and sleeping at midnight.” Well… there goes him helping you.

“Ahhhh. No. I mean yes!. I’m- I- I… I just remembered I have a meeting soon, sorry. I’ll see you both around? I’ll meet you outside the office at say… 9pm?” Turning on my tail before they can speak.

---------------*Time skip to car park*-----------------

Skin going cold and fingertips numb, from the cold and the fact Derrik brought friends. I feel a hand around the back of my neck. “You know, if you weren’t so fat maybe I wouldn’t have bumped into you.” Coming into my face, I lean back instinctively. “Or maybe if you were smart, I would have seen you resign. Save the rest of us time picking up your slack. Which judging by your size is a lot,” erupting with laughter from his own comment. “You must have slept your way up with older guys because how else would sone with such a pathetic track record get in. You can’t write reports properly, can’t shoot because you think that what? Androids can have feelings. Ohh look at me I’m so desperate to be loved I’ll turn to something that can’t say no. Isn’t that right?” Not letting me speak, “you don’t deserve this job title, the badge, hell to live!  You’re worthless. Undeserving, fat, ugly, stupid. Is there ANY good quality about you? No. Just kill yourself already to stop burdening others. This time, me and my buddies are gonna teach you a lesson on behaving like a good little girl.” Pulled back and shoved into a pillar. There’s laughter, I can hear it, but it blurs for a minute. Shit I feel something wet drip into my eyelashes. Hold the tears. Confront. Come on. “Hey! I said I was sorry. Why are you doing this?”

“Because,” another guy steps closer, “we don’t respect people like you. Spiting on my face. It had been bad before but never physical.  He raises his hand and I turn to flip him over my shoulder. Thump. “You fc*king bit*h!” he wheezes out. Every muscle in my body feels like stone. He swipes my leg from under me as the others make a circle shouting “fight! Fight!”

“Wai-“ he straddles my legs. Hands instantly on my neck. Not like this. Please. Kicking, I try twist my hips. Gasping in air as I grip his wrists. “Enough Jake.” Another voice calls. The man above me lets go, standing and brushing off his jacket. Huffing. Before kicking my stomach and going off. The rest leave laughing and shaking their head with, “you showed her.” Coughing and feeling the air come back to me I push onto my arms. Shit! It’s 8:55! Connor. Legs shaking I push up and head up to the girls bathroom. The stairs make me feel so heavy. I can’t stop thinking about his words. He was right. I do burden others. I can’t drive. I have one of the lowest success rates. Am I really that unlovable? Do I just empathise with deviants because I see the hate in them as similar to the way people treat me?... Elbowing the door open I can help but say “shit” out loud looking at my reflection. Bloodshot eyes, since when have I been crying? And my neck. Jesus. How was I going to hide this from Connor?! But if I cancel, he’ll try ask why and I can’t lie to him. I pull the collar up and undo my hair.  Lucky I’ve let it grow. Using it as a disguise I head out. “I’m sorry to keep you, had to talk to some colleagues from the lower floor before we left. Are you ready?” I feel him looking right through me. He wants to say something, but his LED goes yellow before red then back to yellow, “Yes detective.”

------------*Time skip to the ice festival*--------------

“SOOO beautiful!” I’m so thankful the weather is cooler outside to excuse me covering my neck so much and accommodating for my slower gate. My ribs really hurt now. But it was worth it. The snow glistened with the colourful lights. Children running around, giggling, as they have snowball fights. It was like a movie scene come true. The city really outdid themselves this year. I love winter. To be on the couch near my window watching the slow gently fall. Hot chocolate in hand and a nice, weighted blanket. Cozy. Safe.

I can feel eyes on me and look up to see Connor smiling, “I’ve never seen you look so childlike Detective.” I know it’s supposed to be an observation. I can’t help it. Thinking of it as an insult. A reminder I need to grow up. “Thanks.” Looking down at my feet.  ‘Worthless… stop burdening others. He’s right.

“Ahh hey. How- How about going on the Ferris wheel? I can pay. My treat for driving.” He nods and we walk in silence. It’s eating away at me. “Hey. Connor? Do you have any fun facts on snow or winter? Festivals? I know Hank tells you to be quiet,” looking down blushing,” but I love when you talk all about things. He sprouts facts like, “the Sapporo Snow Festival started in 1950…” It was nice. His voice. His face. Errgh! I have such a bad crush on him. How couldn’t you? He’s smart, sweet, understanding, patient, fast, strong, and such a gentleman. I can’t help but stare. The light freckles sprinkled over his face. The piece of hair loose and flipping around in the elements. The small snowflakes sticking to his perfect brown hair. Those beautiful eyes I could get lost I for days. I’ve never felt this way about someone. Growing up focused on studies and work. Now for the first time, I look at someone and want to marry. To have children. To do domestic things with Connor. Have him look at me the way I look at him. Love struck as Hank put it. “Snow itself is just precipitation in the form of ice crystals. It originates in clouds when temperatures are below freezing point. It is currently 17.6 degrees Fahrenheit or minus 8 Celsius….” Putting up 2 fingers and paying for the tickets as he ramble on. Side track about drinks for winter festivals in different countries. “For example, in Japan, the initial festival I mentioned, they would drink something called Amazake. Dating back over 1,30 years. It comprises of rice fermented using aspergillus oryzae. The same fungus in natto. Its literally translation is sweet sake and has been described as a mellow sweet flavour…”

We step into the capsule and start our assent. Once we reached the top the breeze was beautiful. I had to take photos. To put on my wall. I lent forward, enjoying the breeze flow through the gaps and focus outside. Not noticing the silence from my companion. “It’s so beautiful don’t you think? I don’t normally like crowds but to see people enjoying themselves like this. It’s nice and the snow is always so- Connor?” His LED is red and I freeze. Following his line of sight. Blushing, I rush to cover the bruises, but he grabs my wrists. With the better lighting he’s seen it. The bruises. Does he think I’m weak. For a officer to get hurt so easily? He says my name sternly and my eyes flick between him and the floor. Jaw tensing and I can’t seem to swallow enough to take a breath. I rub my arm absently at the tense air between us. “Connor I can explain.” He just stares and helps me out before dragging me past the maze. We keep walking. His LED changing between red and yellow. His grips loosens and tightens as the snow crunches beneath us. It would be a nice sound if it weren’t for the anxiety.

He continues to lead me onto a path with no one around, under a streetlight, before turning to face me. Trying to catch a breath he doesn’t need.  He just stares. “Connor?” It’s soft. But I know he hears. “Please. You’re starting to scare me.”

“Who?! Who did that to you?!” Flinching. Was he... mad? He’s an android, he shouldn’t react this way. “Are you deviating?” I whisper shout leaning in despite my fear. He’d never hurt me, right? His brows twitch and he tilts his head. Before his LED stays red. Stepping closer. “This isn’t about me (y/n). Who. Hurt. You. Names.” Now, as he stepped closer with each word, he’s less than a meter from me. I step back and avoid his gaze. “Why?”

“I want to protect you. Keep you safe and I can’t do that if you keep me out.”

“No. Why do you care? I’m just another human. Replaceable. Less intelligent. Less capable, so why do you pretend to care Connor? Because you feel you have to? Did Hank tell you to say those things to me? “I feel my eyes burn and voice break. “Maybe I should go home I’m sorry and end up dashing off as a ground walk past.

-------------------*Time skip*--------------------------

I’ve been avoiding Connor for almost a month now. I was so close to confessing. Or breaking down. Either way I can feel his gaze burn into me and the questioning looks when I just turn and walk away or leave a half-made coffee when he goes to make one for Hank. Speaking of Hank tried to ask about what happened but now I’m avoiding them both. Everyone. Today is the day. I look up, eyes set on Fowler. I get up and knock on his door. “Come in.” Walking into his office reminds me of this nature documentary show I watches where the deer ventured right into the lion’s den. Keep calm. He eventually looks up from my silence and awkwardly standing around. “Sit. What do you want?”

“I quit.” There it was. Those 2 little words. “This is my 2 weeks’ notice sir. I wish to ask if I can stay in the office for my last week. To finish up my reports.” He looks shocked but it quickly morphs back into a scowl. “Fine.” I nod before leaving. I did it. Letting the air out my nose I head back to my desk and put headphones on and begin typing. The day continues like this. Quiet. Efficient. Lonely. It’s what I deserve.

--------------*Time skip to the last day*---------------

Alcohol. Mans real best friend. Sure, dogs make me happy, but they don’t help you numb out life. The dread of not being able to get enough job. The feeling of worthlessness. Alcohol though. A miracle. Especially 10 drinks in. I don’t even know at this point if my thoughts make sense let alone the out loud stuff. Hang onnnnn. I know that hair. “Hannnnnnk! I shout and stumble my way to him. By himself thankfully. I smother him in a hug, and he just shoves me off. “God. I’m so sorry. I’m a shitty friend Hank. I mean… oh oh omg that dog is so cute!” Seeing a golden retriever walk past.

“What have you been ignoring me What happened between you and Connor?”

“Hmmm. I love him, Hank. Not that I don’t love you too but not in that way” giggling,” it’s just. I had a run in and some guys at the precinct beat me up so-“

“What?! When?!” He goes to stand, and I shove his shoulders to push him back into his seat.

“SHHHHH! Hank, I don’t know where I was up to now. Anyway, long story short. Perfect android, Ferris Wheel, found my bruised neck, Unrequited love, I got scared and listened to the voice in my head.” Nodding. “Wait no. Not like that. I meant the things the people said about me. They were right. That’s why today was my last day. I quit. I couldn’t stand to look at you. I know you’d be disappointed and Connor. Fu*k Hank, I’d kill for him. Do anything he asked. But we both know that’s stupid. He dese- derggkrves… ,” pausing and squinting as the word doesn’t come out right, “deserves someone better. He’s PERFECT and look at me.” Flinging my arms out and hitting someone in the face. “Oh” covering my mouth and turning. “I’m so sorry!!”

“Detective.”

“Connor… I- I want you to know what happened at the festival… me avoiding you. Wasn’t your fault.” His LED is rotating yellow still. He then hooks his arm with mine.

“You are intoxicated. I will wait to have this conversation with you tomorrow. I will take you home.” I pout and lean into his body.  Giggling before shoving my nose into his chest and breathing in harshly before confessing, “you smell amazing.”

-----------*Time skip to next morning*----------------

“Owww my head.” Tripping as I tangle into my bedsheets. Faceplanting. Sighing I just lay there face down for a while. Remembering what I said last night. How much did he hear of my confession to Hank? “Detective. You are finally up. It is currently 1:39pm.” I stiffen. Looking up at the android like a dear caught in head lights. “I will cook breakfast while you clean up and then we can talk.”

“I remember you mentioning to Hank you like pancakes.” They look so unbelievably good.

“Thank you, Connor. For everything. I really am sorry.”

“I accept your apology. As to begin our discussion I would like to start with the most defining aspect. That you confessed your feelings for me last night to Hank, did you not?” At this I choke on my food. Coughing and red in the face.  

“Yess.. Well- I did. But you don’t have to-“

“I like you too. More than as a friend. You were correct I have become deviant and these feelings these last months have been difficult. However, after talking to Hank he said it was love. It explains my rash and inappropriate reaction to your bruising and the reason I still feel angry now when thinking about it. “

“It was Derrik Fedpilzt and his friends. I tried to fend one off by flipping him onto his back. So, he chocked me. I was scared that you’d judge me. For not being able to defend myself. “

“Like I said before I want to take care of you and protect you. There has never been a time when I thought you were weak. Or flawed in any way for that matter.” He puts hind hand on the table between us. I look up before timidly reaching to place mine across the table too. He moves to cover mine and smiles that dorky smile. Realising I am finished he gets up to do the dishes, but I block him. 

“Why don’t we cuddle on the couch for a while? I can do them later.” LED yellow to blue. Putting my plate on the sink before grabbing a blanket. Sitting on my old couch, snow just outside. This was perfect. I look up at him admiring the view and kiss his cheek. Maybe I deserve love after all.

#dbh connor #connor rk800 #x reader #reader x connor dbh #connor dbh x shy!reader #shy!reader #hurt/comfort #angst #hank anderson #reader x hank dbh (platonic) #dbh #dbh x reader #ice festival

[authorsadiethatcher]

Welcome to March. In the northern hemisphere, where I live, it is the start of meteorological spring. Except the weather didn't switch with the month and things here are starting out wet and cold. But the extra indoor time should be good for writing.

Last month I talked about finally being caught up on writing. I try to maintain pretty strict deadlines, but I fell off at the end of February. Two days behind schedule may not seem like a lot, but it feels like a lot, especially when working on longer books, which I'll talk more about later.

The big news for this month is something I can't actually share yet. But pay attention on March 9 for some cool news from me. I just don't like having to wait, but it's something I'm really excited about.

A quick reminder that you can find my books on Amazon, Smashwords, Google Play Books, Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, and Everand. You can also read everything I’ve published under my Sadie Thatcher name since last May on Ream, which is a subscription platform built specifically for authors. You can check out my Ream page below.

Ream: https://reamstories.com/sadiethatcher

And speaking of Ream, I have a Ream exclusive novel called The Muse (extreme dollification) that is now complete. I've made the first three chapters available for free. All you have to do is sign up as a follower at the link above to get a taste of my first real story that is too extreme for Amazon.

This month I plan to spend some time on my other pen name, Libby Feron. As Libby, I write fantasy romance. I’ll have a free novella available to prepare for a new trilogy that I hope to publish this year. The trilogy will be focused on a previously introduced character as she heads off to a college for magical people. I don’t talk about my fantasy writing often, so checking out https://libbyferon.com/ and signing up for the email newsletter is the best way to stay informed. And that free novella will be exclusive to newsletter subscribers, so you’ll want to sign up for that. However, I'm also considering an entirely different book to clear out the cobwebs in my head. We'll see.

Now to focus on this month’s upcoming books. I have two ongoing series. Bimbo Future will soon be complete with Free to Be releasing in a few days. This will follow a similar pattern of a fairy showing a woman a possible bimbo future and persuading her to choose that over a more conventional life. And then there's Quantum Bimbo. This is a slow burn transformation series following one woman as she encounters a recurring time loop that leads her down a path toward becoming a bimbo. The first book, Déjà Vu, is out now and the rest of the trilogy will be released in the first half of the month. I'm really excited for this series.

Some of the other upcoming books I’ve got in the pipeline for this month is a series based on the concept of a woman's intelligence, or other aspects of her life, being stolen and held for ransom, forcing her to turn toward bimbo jobs to pay the ransom. But once she goes bimbo, it's hard to stop. I've also got a plan for another series that could include societal changes. I'm keeping my cards on this one close to the chest, because I'm not entirely sure what is going to happen in it yet.

Something else I'm considering, but I'm only considering right now, is to write a few flash fiction stories, one or two per month, and put them up on Ream for free for anyone who wants to follow me there. It's time permitting, of course.

So that’s what you can expect in March. It’s a packed month, especially because my schedule will make for 11 published books this month. I average 10 usually with a release every 3 days. There will be a couple months like this in 2024, with 11 releases instead of 10.

Have a sexy and bimbo-filled March and happy spring in the top half of the world!

#sadie thatcher #buildingbettergiggles #story #state of the thatcher address

[sarahjswift]

Emails I Can't Send-Rowaelin Fanfic

This is actually one of my favorite things I've ever written. It's based off of the song emails i can't send by Sabrina Carpenter. That whole album is so underrated - go listen to it! If you want, listen to the song while reading. The song is so so heartbreaking and I just had to write about it. :)

(I know I haven't posted in a while, so I thought this would be perfect because I love it so much. I wrote it back in August <33)

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: Language, some suggestive language

Tag List: @backtobl4ck, @aelinchocolatelover, @renxzs, @blue-bird17, @luell1q

__

The song had come from everything and nothing at the same time. She’d written it on a crumpled piece of paper, droplets of her tears weakening the page, at three in the morning. All of her hurt and pain and fear from that night put into a couple scrawling paragraphs. 

Now, standing backstage in the wings, Aelin took a deep breath. The crew buzzed around her, Lysandra last-minute checking her makeup, hair and outfit before she went onstage. “Are you going to be okay?” her friend asked, emerald eyes filled with concern. “I know it’s an emotional song for you to sing live, and…you know, Rowan’s out there…”

Aelin winced as the sound of her ex-boyfriend’s name sliced through her heart. It was a pain she was used but not invulnerable to. “I’ll be fine,” she said, more to herself than anything. Nevermind Rowan was seated somewhere in the audience with the rest of his band, and soon he’d be about to hear a breakup song about him…no, never mind that. 

__

Rowan was trying very hard not to think about what was coming next, about how the woman he loved with everything he had was about to be feet away from him. He’d never heard the song she was singing, very purposefully - whenever it came on the radio, which was every day, he’d cranked down the volume quickly. 

Rowan took a gulp of champagne and tried to think of other things. He and his band, The Cadre, had given a decent performance, performing their song K. It was a crowd-pleaser, one of their first hits about Gavriel’s wife, Krystal. He sat at the table with the band - his brothers, really - their partners, and Maeve, the band manager. 

Over the speakers, the host boomed; “Please put your hands together for Aelin Galathynius!”

__

Aelin took a deep breath and stepped out onto the stage, immediately hit with the white-hot spotlight. She stood in front of the standing microphone and smiled as the audience cheered.

“Thank you,” she said, her own voice echoing back at her through the earpiece. “And thanks to all the fans who got me here, performing at the Grammys. This is my new single, emails I can’t send.”

She tuned out the clapping and focused on the instrumentals leaking into her left ear. Nodding to Aedion, her cousin on piano, she took a deep breath. 

__

“It’s times like these, wish I had a time machine so I could see what you did October 13th,” she sang. “At 10:15, were you really asleep or were you lying to me and the family?”

Rowan’s stomach emptied out. October 13th, the night of Aelin’s album release party and one of their biggest fights. The night he’d lied, saying he was with Lorcan when he’d been over at Lyria’s, comforting her while she cried. Comforting Lyria over the record label rejection, when he should’ve been with Aelin, celebrating with her. 

He gazed up at Aelin, who looked heartbreakingly beautiful in a simple white crop top with princess sleeves and low-rise jeans, that showed off her muscled body in a stupidly perfect way. He couldn’t help but think of how he would peel those clothes off her if he hadn’t been such an idiot…get a grip, man. Creep. 

“There’s no us in us when I’m lacking trust,” Aelin continued, and he forced his mind into the present - even worse. Her expression was reserved as her eyes floated over the audience, looking or not looking for one person. “You wanna discuss, ugh, you disgust me…”

The words sliced through him. You disgust me. 

__

Aelin couldn’t tell if she sounded good or not, but she was getting into the mood of the song now. “Don’t make me cuss you out, why’d you let me down? Don’t say sorry now.”

Her voice was rising as she got to the climax of the song, the part she’d truly poured out of the sobs that had wracked her body that night. “And thanks to you I, I can’t love right, I get nice guys and villainize him,” she crooned. “Read their texts like they're having sex right now, scared I’ll find out that it’s true..”

As she sang, she closed her eyes and unlocked the gates she’d built brick by brick over the past five months, the pain and despair from Rowan flowing out her heart and into her voice. “And if I do, then I blame you for every worst that I assume; when I’m 45 someone calls me their wife and he fucks,” at that word, her voice broke in the crooning sort of way that she loves, “our lives in one selfish night.” The lyric, the story, the truth. 

__

Rowan was in heaven because the subject of his every desire was standing in front of him singing with the most beautiful voice he’d ever heard, and he was in hell because she was singing a heartbreaking song about him. 

“Don’t think I’ll find forgiveness as fast as mom did,” Aelin said, and that was the moment when her beautiful, beautiful eyes rested on Rowan. Electricity coursed through him as she did, and he held her gaze as if her irises were his last lifeline. The most heartbreaking and despairing expression flickered across her exquisite face and it was all Rowan could do not to leap out of his chair and hold her as she pointed an accusing finger at him and cried; “And God, I love you, but you’re such a dipshit.”

__

“Please fucking fix this,” Aelin neared-whispered as the song crested, the instrumentals fading and becoming sadder, more mellow. She blinked away the tears blurring her vision, Rowan’s piercing green eyes sending sparks through her body, “‘Cause you were all I looked up to.” and Lyria placed a possessive hand on her boyfriend’s arm, placing a kiss to his muscled shoulder, “And now I can’t even look at you,” and Aelin looked away and lowered her arm as the roaring of the audience overwhelmed the room. 

#rowaelin fanfiction #aelin x rowan #rowan x aelin #aelin and rowan #aelin galathynius #rowan whitethorn #angst #the angst monster tag #sabrina carpenter #emails i can't send #song fic #sarah j maas #rowaelin fanfic

[rockyroadkylers]

14, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 3! Or just a couple if that's too much

not too much, if you don't mind me rambling for several paragraphs 🤭 i'll put some of it under a cut, lol.

3. This Love is Worth the Fight

this oneeeeeee 😍

this one is a sequel to my Kensington divergence Alex whump fic, which ended up being surprisingly highly requested after I posted the original. the original was just a oneshot, but this fic is gonna be much longer, with several chapters, going into Alex's recovery and Henry and Alex learning how to be a real couple while also dealing with backlash from the Crown and the email leak oop

so, one of the things i have planned for this fic is Henry and Alex exchanging handwritten letters after the email leak. Henry starts it as a way to give Alex something to read during the nighttime hours when visitors aren't allowed at the hospital; he starts writing in a journal that he leaves in Alex's room, and it makes Alex feel a little less lonely. in true Alex fashion, he writes Henry a list in response (the famous "incomplete list", except since it's handwritten, it doesn't get leaked with the rest of the emails, so it gets to stay between them. and Alex adds a few things to it that are specific to this fic.)

A continued list of things I love about HRH Prince Henry of Wales: - The fact that you came to see me that first day even though you were scared. Your bravery amazes me every goddamn day. - The way you tricked me into consuming your favorite classic authors by reading them out loud to me when I can’t hold up a book by myself (you’re not as sneaky as you think, but you’re cute, so I’ll allow it). - How clearly I can hear your voice in my head when I read the things you’ve written for me. - The fact that you snore when you fall asleep sitting up, like a sexy grandpa. - The way you roll your eyes when I say shit like “sexy grandpa”.

7. From Texas, With Love

This one is an AU where Alex is a child actor who gets cast in his first big TV role as Arthur's on-screen stepson. Alex uses acting as a coping mechanism - when he first gets cast, Ellen and Oscar's divorce is still fresh, and he throws himself into his role to escape from reality. Arthur takes him under his wing, and later introduces Alex to his son Henry, because he knows that both boys could use a friend, and he thinks they could be good for each other.

8. Christmas Carol AU

i came up with the concept for this one (and most of my other christmas AUs, tbh) after christmas was already over 😂 but at least that means i have 11 months to write it!

this one is, obviously, inspired by Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and it's another Kensington divergence fic where Henry tells Alex to leave. Instead of Alex running off into the night and getting hit by a car, though, he actually does make it back to DC safely, and fast-forward a few months, it's almost Christmas and Henry is feeling pretty miserable. He goes to bed one night, and he's visited by the ghost of Arthur Fox!

9. National Treasure AU

gonna refer you to these posts, because that's pretty much all i have for this one so far 😅

10. Oscar Diaz as the Santa Clause

this is one of my newest AUs!!! i'm actually so excited about it 😍 I've explained most of my ideas in more detail in the Brownstone already, but basically it's based on the Tim Allen movie The Santa Clause. Oscar is Scott, and Alex is Charlie. Alex flies out to California to spend Christmas with Oscar, and Oscar becomes the next Santa when the old one falls off their roof.

I'm really excited about this one - I used to write parent-child family fic all the time, but I haven't in a good few months now, and I kind of miss it, so this fic is gonna be really fun to work on, I think.

14. The Tangled AU

again, referring back to this post 😊

#ask game #my wips #rwrb #tomatoes

[ichijager13]

Teach me how to be loved

Chapter II

Cause I’ve got monsters still under my bed that I could never fight off

Pairing : Eren Jäger x reader

Characters: Eren Jäger, Annie Leonhart, Pieck Finger.

Tags: Unhealthy copping mechanism, unhealthy relationships, childhood trauma, physical and verbal abuse, self-esteem and trust issues, domestic violence, implied/ referenced cheating and a touch of sweet, lovable and non fuckboy Eren Jäger

Masterlist, AO3,  Playlists : Reader’s POV, Eren’s POV

A/N: Hey there angels, I would like to thank each one of you for take the time to read my work and for all the support you are giving. There are no enough amount of words that can describe how thankful and happy you make me feel.

The sound of glass crashing on the floor made you jump in your place. “Why did you move those papers?” He rumbled going through the files scattered on top of his desk for the third time in a row. “I don’t even have another copy and no one is at the office to send me one at this hour”. “Let… let me look for them”. You stuttered. “Don’t, just don’t”. His voice was shrill. “I’ll take care of it”. “I’m sorry, dad. I didn’t mean to…”. Your voice broke as your eyes filled with tears. “Why the fuck are you crying now?” He screamed, face red before he slams his hands against his desk. Knowing what was about to follow you stepped away before you rushed out of the room.

You jolt out of sleep; your mouth was dry and your heart felt like it was about to climb up your mouth. You took long and deep breaths trying to calm yourself. You glanced at your surroundings before you realize you are in a stranger's room. A low grown left your chest when you realized the man has already woken up. You left the bed scanning the floor for your stuff. Once you got everything in reach you perked your ears trying to locate him. Based on the sound of water running, he was under the shower. It's now or never, you told yourself before stepping out of the bedroom. A few minutes later you were in the elevator sending a message to your friends. It wasn't until you got home, that you remembered the dream you had. It's been a while since you had one of these. You were so far gone in your thoughts when your ringtone blasted. It was Pieck. "Was it at least worth abandoning us?" Those were the first words she shouted once you took the call. "Not my best shot, but he was pretty decent. An amazing kisser and if my memory is not failing me he was handsome". You answered serving yourself your first cup of coffee of the day. “Like a 9 out of 10 type of handsome”. "Too bad". She scolded, and you had a hard time holding back your laughter. "Now that you had your weekly dick dose, will you join us?" "I'll take a shower, change my clothes, and join you". You replied sipping your coffee.

You spent the rest of the weekend at Annie’s place cooking, eating, and gossiping. It’s been a long time since you last cooked such an enormous amount of food. “Don’t you dare put the blame on me if you gain weight and your men ditch you”. You warned placing a dish containing carbonara in front of the girls. “God, I almost forgot how flavorful your food is”. Pieck hummed after taking a bite. Feeling your phone buzzing in your pocket, you quickly dried your hands and unlocked it. You grimaced when you recognized the email address. “You never give up, do you?” you hissed before pocketing your phone. “Is something wrong?” Annie asked, noticing how frustrated you are. “Nah, nothing”. “One of your men is seeking attention?” Pieck taunted. “Trust me these are far more annoying. Besides, I never give my number to men I sleep with”. You frowned at the thought of receiving dick pictures in the middle of the week. It’s been a while since you last received an email from them. And you honestly thought that by not responding they will end up giving up. Unfortunately, you were wrong. You shook your head trying to chase them and their persistent emails from your mind. “Want more?” you asked Pieck who has already emptied her plate. “Yes, God, I don’t think I’m gonna fit in the clothes I came with by Sunday”. She groaned, but she slapped you when you attempted to take back the now-filled plate. “By the way, Armin asked me to give you the invitations for the dinner they are organizing to celebrate the new partnership deal they concluded a week ago”. “Aren’t you supposed to get yours at work?” A thin line appeared between Pieck’s brows when she saw Annie handing you one too. “Yes, except that I’m going on a trip and won’t be back till two days before the said night”. You answered. “Another internship?” Annie inquired and you nodded. “Must be cool being a design engineer”. Pieck pouted. “It has its perks”. You shrugged. “Where will you be heading this time?” the brunette asked. “Wolfsburg, Germany”. You replied eyes gleaming. “Our new partner is the new head of the operational headquarters of Volkswagen in the country”. “And he’s Armin’s childhood friend”. Annie added. “Oh, I thought the chairmen are Germans and isn’t he a little young to be at the top of such a company?” “Eren was born and grew up here, but his parents are German. He is a hard worker and a brilliant guy. He’s an engineer as well, graduated from MIT, and he is quite handsome”. She winked at you. “And somehow my boss”. You sighed annoyed. “I don’t fuck my bosses and colleagues”. “Just saying”. The blond stifled a laugh watching your disgusted expression. You reached and snitched your invitation from her.

The departure day has finally come, you were so excited about this trip you arrived three hours earlier at the terminal. Once you registered your luggage you headed to a coffee shop with your friends. “I still can’t believe I’m going to spend three weeks at the place that gave birth to the first Volkswagen”. Your eyes were sparkling and it made the girls feel happy. You were fuzzing about all the places you are planning to visit when you caught a glimpse of him. Your eyes widened in horror before you turned your head. “What’s going on? You look like you’ve seen a ghost”. Annie frowned. Without a word, you stood up and scurried to the bathroom. “Wasn’t she all thrilled and smiles seconds ago?” Pieck asked confused. “Oh, it’s Eren”. Annie waved at the six feet brunette. “The hot boss?” “Yes”. She smiled when he waved back and started walking toward your table.

You immediately locked yourself inside the bathroom. Your heart was pounding so fast you feared it might stop one moment or another. Remembering the doctor’s advice, you started inhaling deeply by the nose before releasing your breath slowly. It took you several minutes to control your breathing. The palpitation slowly calmed. You squeezed your eyes shut trying to push back memories fighting their way to the surface. “Not now, please not now”. You whined. You slowly walked to the sink; you watched the water run down the faucet before reaching shaky hands. “Calm down”. Your voice was desperate. You splashed water on your face once, twice, over and over again until you felt your cheeks and neck cool down. By the time you turned the faucet off your hands were somehow steady. You took your time drying your face and clothes. Despite knowing you’d regret it, you glanced at your reflection in the mirror. The woman that looked back at you reminded you of memories you tried hard to repress. You took another deep breath and left the bathroom. “I can do this”.

“Here you are. If you came back minutes earlier you would’ve met Eren”. Pieck spoke as soon as you took place by the table. “Let me tell you, girl, the word handsome is not giving him justice”. She snorted. “Isn’t she about to get married?” you huffed. “This doesn’t mean I can’t admire God’s work of art”. The brunette scolded. “Are you alright?” Annie inquired visibly worried. “Yeah, I had a cramp”. You lied.

#Eren Jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager #eren smut #eren fluff #eren aot #eren x reader smut #eren x reader #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager smut #eren yeager fanfiction #eren jeager smut #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager x reader smut #eren jeager fluff #jean kirstein #reiner braun #eren fanfiction

[too-many-rooks]

Writing procrastination game!

Thanks @lastlymatt for tagging me, I got rambly so I’ll put this under a ‘read more’

Tagging @pigandpepper @known-concepts @countessrivers

1.) what’s the name of one of your wips?

My doc names are usually very boring 95% of the time I finish a fic and think it’s ready to post and realise I need a title. How about ‘Yassen Bedroom Visit’?

2.) Describe a Wip in the format of __+__=__

SCORPIA heir Alex + totally normal kidnapping and drugging in the middle of the night get to safety orienteering exercises = childhood trauma

3.) What tags/warnings will one of your Wips need if you share it?

Forced child seperation?

4.) alternative title to a wip?

I don’t really have alternate titles! Titles tend to come pretty late in the process!

5.) which wip are you most likely to update/finish next?

Probably one of my s3 aus I’ve got brewing, there’s a longer thing I posted the first chapter of today but I also have some one shots, one where Yassen gets wounded fighting off Alex’s enemies and Alex basically has to hold him down to say he cares about him, and another where Yassen comes to chat to him in the middle of the night (while Alex is sleeping) and they catch up.

6.) what is one of your wip’s document title, not what it’s name is but what you have it saved as?

Again, extremely boring. Some examples - ‘Tom/House introduction’, ‘stables’, ‘the ball’, ‘heir apparent 1-9’, ‘hunting’ ‘hostage’ ‘orienteering.’

On reflection, these are very badly organised. But, hey Ho.

7.) post any sentence from your WIP?

Okay this took me forever to decide bc I want to share like, all of my sentences, but here’s a sentence from my SCORPIA heir Alex thing where Yassen just tries to take a day off, but is interrupted by Alex sneaking out of school/the country and mountain his school is on

‘Rubbing his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, he blocked out the little blonde headache sat before him, and sighed, already imagining the state of his email inbox when he got back to his laptop, which he’d sworn would stay folded in its case for the rest of the day.

“And how long ago was this? When should I start expecting panicked calls from your father?”‘

8.) a scrapped idea from your WIP?

Not necessarily a scrapped idea but evidently one I forgot about and rediscovered as I was flicking through google docs - originally a pre-season 3 idea (but could work post s3) where Yassen retires, and decides it’s time for Alex to retire too, even if he doesn’t want to. Very “congratulations you are being adopted! Do not resist.” Meme with Yassen that I’ve seen on here, the bit I’d written was him contemplating the least traumatising way to kidnap him, to make sure they’re a happy family unit post-kidnapping

9.) what’s a story you would love to write but have yet to start?

Alex sees dead people AU - Ian knows, when he dies his ghost becomes bound to Alex, and helps take care of him/watch over him in the field, Alex bumps into Yassen at Point Blanc and immediately recognises the ghost bound to him as his father, especially as he begs the assassin to stop pretending like he can’t hear him for once and let him see his son, to protect him.

10.) how many WIPs are you actively working on?

Four - regency fic, darker Alex s3 au, two other s3 aus I mentioned earlier. Suprised myself by how much of this longer ‘SCORPIA heir’ Alex thing that I’d put off for a while I’ve actually written. That’s one that I really want to finish before I start posting bc I’m bad at doing work without an immediate emotional reward/it’s a longer than anything I’ve written before and I don’t want to give up on it when it’s half published. I had been delaying it till after s3 but maybe time to get to work (will try and finish regency fic first)

11.) is there a scene your struggling to write now?

Oh I mean so many but the most immediate stumbling block is with the regency fic, chapter after this one they go to a ball and that’s almost basically written and so is a lot of the next two chapters but there’s things I need to thread into this chapter that just don’t want to be threaded - I need Alex to start being a bit more suspicious of Yassen, and remember that whole thing about his uncle being murdered now he’s a bit passed the initial princess diaries revelation moment.

I was thinking like Alex waiting up for him on Christmas Eve or something and falls asleep then is woken by Yassen sneaking back in and Alex noticed he’s got blood on his clothes or something and Yassen just shrugs him off and reacts more strictly/authoritatively than he has before. But the scene is a bit sludgy I my mind atm.

12.) Not a question but a second kudos!

#Alex rider #tag game

[loveandthings11]

How Deep My Love Goes, Chapter 14

Read on AO3 Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11 Ch 12 Ch 13

Fic Summary: A fix-it alongside canon that answers the question "how would things change if Rava said yes?" 💗 Chapter Summary: At Argestes, Kendall gathers support for the takeover from Waystar's inner circle even as tension builds and trust splinters within his team. Everyone scrambles to gauge each other's reactions to Logan's out-of-control anger.

Breaking News

Shanghai, 2003

“I can’t deal with this,” Kendall says into his office phone. She can hear that he’s suffering as she struggles to stay awake in New York.

“I’m sorry I’m so tired,” she says sleepily.

“No, I should have called you earlier. You- you should be falling asleep with me,” he says. He sounds almost desperate. “You have to come out here. I can’t stand it without you. I seriously, like- I’m not- I need you. Fuck. I miss you. No one understands how hard this is.”

She takes in a breath.

“I might be the only one who does,” she says more clearly. “I miss you so much it hurts.” She hugs her pillow. “I wish I could hug you right now. Make you feel better.”

“Oh my god, I’m dying for it,” he says. His voice sounds so stressed and it hurts that she can’t be there to comfort him.

“I want to hold you and cover us up in this comforter,” she says. “Keep you warm, kiss your face.” Sometimes she stays away from it, but tonight she’s just allowing the torture.

He drops his head into his hands. “I fucking- I need that so badly. I need you. I’m-“ he shakes his head “-yeah, you know what? I’m sending a plane for you. Come stay with me. Please.”

“What about-“ she starts.

“I’ll call Yale. It doesn’t matter. You can finish the semester from here. We’ll figure it out.”

“Oh? And how is that going to work?” she laughs.

“Because I’ll make it work. I’m calling them tomorrow.” He sounds serious.

“And- they’ll just say yes?” she asks, trying not to let herself believe it yet.

“One of the few advantages my father offers,” he grumbles. “Their endowment can increase significantly.” He and his dad have been fighting for months over Logan’s decision to send him across the world for a year.

“Oh, one of the few,” Rava smiles.

“I’ll pay your law professors personally. They’ll do individual sessions, whatever it takes. It’s your last year. You’ll have bar exam tutors, whatever, I’ll fly them out.”

“Okay! Well, you’ve convinced me,” she says. She feels a smile spreading across her face. “Ken, can you actually do this? Because if I think I’m going to be wrapping my entire body around you this week and then it doesn’t happen-“

“Well, now that you’ve put it like that, my entire body is very ready for that scenario,” he says. He drags a hand over his face. “Jesus. Two months since your last visit is like a fucking year, I’m fixing this right now. I’m gonna let you go to sleep before I lose my mind in this office.”

“Okay,” she agrees reluctantly. “I really wish you were here.”

He sighs.

“I can’t even think about you in bed right now.” He pauses. “Except that now I will think about you in bed, and nothing else, for the rest of the day.” He pictures their fluffy comforter, soft-as-air sheets wrapped around her perfect body, arms reaching toward him with sparkles in her eyes. “What are you wearing?” he asks to complete the fantasy.

“I thought I wasn’t supposed to talk about that while you’re at work,” Rava teases. He chuckles.

“You’re not. But now I fucking have to know. Break my rule. Get your camera and email me a picture.”

“Kendall Roy, what kind of a girl do you think I am?” she asks with pretend shock. He smiles.

“Does that mean you’re not wearing anyth… no. Don’t answer that. You’re getting on a plane this week.”

“Whatever you say,” she says nonchalantly. He raises his eyebrows.

“Whatever I say? Are we keeping that rule when you get here?” he asks.

“Maybe,” Rava answers sweetly. “What are you wearing?”

He grins a little but refuses to give in.

“A suit.”

“That’s not very descriptive. That’s like me just saying ‘lingerie,’” she says. He wonders if anyone can see his smile through the glass of the office. Anyone could tell this is not a business call but he can’t stop.

“I’m not describing my suit.”

“Oh, you’re soooo serious and business-like,” she says mockingly. He tries unsuccessfully to keep his expression neutral.

“Okay. Well, this is a serious day-“ he attempts.

“What color is it?” she interrupts.

He gives it up, shaking his head and laughing.

“Navy blue. Are you happy?” She loves the sound of his laughter. It takes a lot of work and it’s always worth it.

“I will be if I see you this week,” she answers honestly. “You’re really going to call them tomorrow?” she asks hopefully. The possibility makes her heart race and she yearns for definite confirmation that she’ll have him back in her arms soon.

“Absolutely.” He looks at his watch and sighs. “Okay, well-“

“Nooo, don’t go,” she coos. But she knows she has to sleep and he has to work.

“Believe me, I don’t want to,” he says. She makes him feel more wanted than he’s ever felt.

“Okay. Thank you for taking care of this. I love you so, so much. I hope I get to see you this week.” She buries her face in the pillow and wills herself to stop being so excited before she knows if it’s really going to happen.

“You will. I love you too,” he says. He remembers the awful feeling of practically being pulled away from her at the hangar when he left and seeing her crying through the jet window. He can’t do that again. “You’ll stay? When you come?” he asks.

“For as long as you want,” she smiles.

“Forever,” he says. “Just so we’re clear.”

She blushes into speechlessness. She can’t believe how lucky she is.

“Forever. But we’re not staying there forever,” she half-asks.

“Don’t even worry. The day we get back to New York, that townhouse is gonna be home for real.” He’d bought them their dream place on the Upper East Side right before Logan had casually announced that Kendall would be in Shanghai for a year. He can’t wait to propose this coming year and make it all official.

“I love that,” she says dreamily.

“The place is good so far?” he asks. He’s jealous he’s not getting to experience it with her. His long-term hotel penthouse feels cold and impersonal and he misses Rava’s ability to make every room she walks into feel like home to him. He feels warmer at the idea of her in the suite. He likes it better already.

“It’s perfect,” she replies truthfully. “It’s missing you, though. It’s a good thing I have your sweatshirt.” She pauses. “Actually, can I break your rule?”

He smiles.

“Sure,” he agrees.

“Your sweatshirt. That’s what I’m wearing,” she says.

He wonders how she’s real.

“That’s even better than what I was thinking. Well, sort of.” She giggles. She’s warm in their bed inside his sweatshirt. He can’t do this anymore without going insane. “So… you go to sleep. I’ll take care of everything. You’ll be here within the week.”

“You’ll tell me exactly when tomorrow?” she asks. They had stopped doing their hourly count when she’d emailed him to ask how many hours til she saw him and he’d replied “a million :(“

“Yes. And it’s going to be less than a hundred hours. I can make it,” he says. “I think.”

“I’m so ready to see you. Less than a hundred hours.” She’s suddenly filled with relief. It hits her and she squeals. He smiles at the sound. She’s that excited to see him. “You have to cancel everything on your schedule because when I get there I am not letting go of you for two entire days!”

“That sounds so good,” he says. He glances out his glass office door at Nate and three of his coworkers heading his way. “Okay, I’m really sorry, but the guys are coming in here for the meeting. I love you. I can’t wait to see you. You have no idea.”

“I’m so excited! I love you!” she exclaims. Have a good meeting. I love you, I love you, I love you!”

……

Kendall’s leaning against the upholstered headboard smiling as he reads Rava’s gifted diary. He’d planned to read it all in one day but decided that reading one entry at a time was better.

She drapes her arm over his stomach from the pillow.

“What are you reading about?” she whispers.

“The week you came out to Shanghai.” He looks down at her. “You’re so fucking cute.”

“Mm I remember that. Just couldn’t take it anymore!” she smiles and nudges him to come closer. He slides down back under the comforter next to her and she puts the journal in the nightstand drawer.

“Yeah, that was physically painful.” He rolls onto his side and pulls her into his arms, exhaling fully. “This,” he says. “This is what I needed.”

She kisses him slowly and remembers the absolute euphoria of running into his arms as soon as she’d touched down.

He’d picked her up at the bottom of the plane staircase and she’d finally felt like she was flying even though she’d been in the air for hours. His driver and the flight attendants had stared at them kissing on the tarmac and fumbling and tripping backwards through laughs into the waiting limo.

“You brought literal sunshine with you,” he’d smiled as she shamelessly laid on top of him on the long seat and they saw the rays shining through the window. She had beamed at him and kissed him again and again.

“Where are we going?” she’d asked as the car started moving.

“Bed. Immediately.” He’d flashed her a devilish smile and she’d returned it as he started slipping his fingertips under her shirt.

She’d been terrified for months that she was going to lose him to someone else or that he would get stuck working in Shanghai permanently and wouldn’t be allowed to come home.

The relief of knowing she doesn’t ever have to be without him again floods her like it had in that moment and she rubs his shoulders.

“Hey,” she murmurs. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he mumbles into her hair.

“I’m going to go to Argestes with you,” she tells him.

He’s glad to hear the confirmation. He wants to look at her but he wants to stay where he is more.

“Yeah? Even with the kids and the plane and everything?”

“Yeah.”

He nods contentedly.

“Good.”

……

After dinner that night, Rava scrolls through The New York Times headlines while the staff cleans up. Kendall is reading through his hundreds of subject lines looking for anything that actually needs his attention when Connor calls him. He’s surprised for a moment but picks up right away once he remembers what the rest of the family is doing.

“Miss you, Kenny,” Connor slurs a little as soon as Kendall answers the phone. “Miss. You.”

Kendall is touched. And touched by guilt. He’d told himself he was going to make more of an effort with his big brother and they’ve barely spoken since RECNY.

“Hey, I miss you, too. How’s, uh… where are you all again?” He feels a pang of being left out. It’s been wearing on him lately.

“Tern Haven. What the Pierces call their compound.” Connor rolls his eyes. “They won’t take me seriously as a candidate, you know? They’re so into their elite establishments-“

“Dude. Criticism of the elite? Like- seriously?”

“Ha! You fit with everyone so well. Fuck,” Connor shakes his head. “Even when you’re out, you’re in,” he says. Kendall can hear the resentment and envy.

“Uh. Well, I don’t know that Dad would say that,” he responds. “So- so, what’s been happening? Is Nan Pierce-“

“Kenny, I love you. But I’m not calling to talk about company bullshit.”

“Oh- uh, right. Okay. Well…” Kendall doesn’t know quite what to say for a moment. “So- how are you?” he asks.

“Well, thank you for asking. I’m tired of not being taken seriously.”

“Well- Con, I get it, but you have to prove you deserve it to Dad if you want his-“

“-love?”

“-I was going to say respect. Although….” Kendall rubs his face. “He- I mean, not that I necessarily know everything- but- I think I’ve spent a lot of time close to him, so…”

“That you have,” Connor says plainly. Kendall’s a little thrown off by the attitude.

“Uh, are you guys drinking a lot?”

Rava glances up at him.

“You’re going to ask me if I’m drinking?” Connor asks with an edge.

Kendall sighs and looks at Rava with an expression that conveys how aggressive his brother sounds.

“I just- you seem…” he searches for the right words.

“Upset? Taken advantage of? You’re god damned right. And you’re off with your other family just laughing it up and taking away the company that makes any of us somebodies.”

“My other family?” Kendall is a little aghast at that and Rava looks taken aback. “You’re the one who- who always said I’d get them back? What the fuck? You know what happened with Dad. I had to do something.”

“Not this!” Connor exclaims. Kendall can hear the booze in his voice. “Splitting us up. We could have all been here together, you know? For once.”

“Okay, I’m not doing this. It is not my fault that we’re- you know, split like this. Blame Dad. I’m sure he’s pinning this all on me, but, it’s not just me. What was I supposed to do?” Rava is increasingly annoyed at the disruption in their peaceful day.

“Not take everything for yourself,” Connor grumbles.

“What? It was all taken from me. I- I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.” Kendall has a bit of an out-of-body experience saying the things that were once said to him in similar situations. “I’m just going to hang up- and- and we can talk later.” He thinks he sounds like Rava four years ago and wonders if she thinks the same thing.

“No,” Connor says. “I’m sorry. I’m- drunk. I don’t want to- just, you’re the favorite and you don’t appreciate it. You’re not even here. The one time I’m actually invited.”

“Con, Dad tried to destroy my life multiple times in the last four- five months. I don’t think I’m his favorite. Or- not anymore, I dunno.” Hearing himself say it makes him sad. “As for me being there, that just doesn’t- it doesn’t make any sense. When you’re back in the city we can get together. If you want.”

“Sure,” Connor says dully. “But we won’t.”

“Yeah, yes we will,” Kendall replies. “You know, if it made any sense for me to be there, I would be. I actually- it’s hard not to see anyone. Are you going to be at Argestes?”

“No,” Connor answers flatly. “Not invited to things like that. You know, the way the little ones talk to me is unacceptable. Roman thinks I’m a joke and Shiv couldn’t care less.”

“I mean- that’s the way they are,” Kendall says as sympathetically as he can. “They talk to me like that, too. Sometimes it’s good with them, but then- well, they have their own thing.”

“You three have your own thing.”

“Uh, less now. I mean, if it makes you feel better that we’re apart,” Kendall says with some bitterness. He doesn’t like it himself.

“Great, now I’m bad for wanting to separate you,” Connor replies. Kendall rolls his eyes. This conversation is impossible. Connor continues, “But you know, I would know, it sucks that you aren’t talking to them.”

Kendall feels more guilt seep in. His frequent talks with Roman and his last one with Shiv are too secret to mention. He hates to lie when Connor feels like this.

“I mean, yeah, it’s hard not to see them much, but- but all of this is necessary. And it’s temporary.” His carefully chosen words make him feel slimy.

“Right.” Connor scoffs lightly. “Necessary. Because you can’t live without Waystar, right?”

Kendall looks down. He’s sorry to say it, but at least he can tell the truth here.

“Not- not really.”

Connor nods sadly.

“Yeah.” He pauses. “I fucking love you, Kenny. I really do. I’m happy you’re happy.”

“Well- I don’t want you to- I- I mean, I love you, too. I don’t know if I’d say I’m just happy. Everything you said? Roman and Shiv? I don’t like this either.” Rava shifts in her chair and looks sad for a moment. He catches her eye and points to the phone like he had to say it, but she can tell it’s not all made up. He pauses for a moment and gets up to walk out of the room. “Look- you- you helped me when things were bad,” he says quietly. “So, if you want to talk about anything-“ he sees an opportunity. “-the President thing maybe?” he approaches cautiously. “Like, are you just doing this for-“

“Attention?” Connor finishes. “In fact, I am doing this because my principles are the ones America needs to adopt in order to save herself.”

Jesus, Kendall thinks.

“Okay, well. If you want to talk. You know.”

He feels bad but he can’t stop wondering about what happened at dinner. He thinks he’d better not ask Connor.

“Yeah. Okay. Well, I made a friend here. Maxim Pierce. I kinda hate him, but he kinda hates me too, so it’s fun. He’s got some port that’s life-changing. I guess I better get back out there. So…”

“I’ll see you in New York,” Kendall offers.

“Uh-huh. That’ll be good,” Connor says. Kendall hears the doubt in his voice and promises himself he’ll do better with reaching out.

……

Tanya the travel nanny sits reading to the kids in their seat cluster on the jet as Rava pores over the latest documents the firm sent her. Kendall looks out the window and plays music to hype himself up for the upcoming run-in with his dad and siblings at Argestes. He looks at the text he’d received from Roman the morning before and lets it fill him with energy.

Naomi Pierce swung the vote against Waystar. An absolute no. But Dad will get them at Argestes anyway.

Stewy laughs at his phone and calls over to Kendall’s side of the plane.

“Take off your headphones and come look at this shit,” he says. This girl just sent me an article from some site called Fuckable in Finance. It’s a countdown. Top ten.”

Rava looks at Stewy disapprovingly for his language and its content near the kids, but Kendall’s obvious intrigue dances on his face. Stewy gives her an unconvincing apologetic look. Kendall pulls the headphones down around the back of his neck.

“So-?”

“Guess who number one is?” Stewy asks smugly.

“Do we have to?” Rava says drily.

“I guess no one really does now,” Stewy answers mock-thoughtfully.

Kendall stands up and strides over to Stewy, picking up his iPad and scrolling. He wrinkles his nose.

“Four?”

“You’re very hard on yourself, Ken,” Rava says as she pretends to focus on her paperwork.

“I know, seemed a little high for you,” Stewy says. “Recent media appearances probably skewed it in your favor, though. People love it when a thirty-nine-year-old goes through a rebellious phase.”

“Okay. Ha ha.” Kendall wishes Roman were here to do something annoying like put a blanket over Stewy’s head, or at least mess his hair up. “Are there a lot of these countdowns?” he asks.

“Oh god, take the iPad from him now,” Rava says to Stewy as she gives him a rare rye smile. Stewy looks triumphant as Kendall furrows his brow and does a Google search.

“Kendall, do you want to read the next chapter to the kids?” Tanya calls over. “They’re asking for you to do it.”

“With the voices!” Sophie exclaims.

Rava looks at Kendall lovingly and he looks up from Stewy’s iPad.

“Uh, yeah. Okay. I’ll be right there.”

“iPad, please,” Stewy says in a self-satisfied way. Kendall drops it onto Stewy’s armrest without looking at him as Rava stifles a laugh at their adolescent behavior. Kendall walks over to the kids and glances over self-consciously at Rava and Stewy watching him expectantly as he picks up the book.

“In here,” Kendall says to the kids, and ushers them behind a curtain to the other room.

……

Rava glances over at Roman and Kendall poking each other as soon as they’ve walked into the building for Argestes day one.

“Rockin’ some horny ankle cleavage,” Roman’s saying quietly to Kendall. Kendall looks at him with a smirk.

“Oooh, that’s scary. I’m scared.”

Rava chuckles and looks around to see who she might chat with. They’ve been spending so much time alone together lately that she hasn’t seen Bro Kendall in a while. She forgot how funny the inflated ego makes him.

“Maybe you should be scared,” Roman smirks. “We have this deal on lock.”

“I don’t think you do,” Kendall says, trying to sound sure of himself. “I think Nan wants nothing to do with Dad, Waystar, and especially ATN.”

“Well, unless you’ve got something huge to stand in Waystar’s way, you and Stewy and Sandy are dead in the water.”

Kendall works hard to maintain a neutral face until an hour later, when he and Stewy are sitting in armchairs in a breakout room, laptops out and coffees on tables.

“Are you seeing this email from Sandy?” Stewy raises his eyebrows as he scrolls on his phone. Kendall stares at his computer screen.

“Yeah. Fuck. This is a shitstorm. The wolf pack, the whole fucking- I think Greg knows all about this cruises shit… we should have stopped this, done something-“ Kendall starts.

“Dude. What are you talking about, Sandy’s thrilled! No chance Pierce sells to your dad once this story is released,” Stewy almost laughs. “It was supposed to be a while til they published this, but you know Logan’s going to make another attempt to buy while Nan is here. We’ve got to stop that. Waystar tanks, it’ll be nice and easy for us to buy it up.”

Kendall looks at him.

“I- I mean, yeah, but this can’t be the reason Pierce doesn’t sell. What are we doing to stop this article?”

“Stop it?” Stewy drops his head back. “Ken. Don’t be sentimental here. You want Waystar? This is how we get it.”

“How we get it?” Kendall’s wheels turn. “Did Sandy have something to do with this? Did- did he move up the publishing date?”

“Don’t get crazy,” Stewy warns.

“He fucking called New York Magazine?”

“It is his.”

Kendall gives Stewy an almost hurt look.

“Stewy. I did not agree to this. I wasn’t consulted, I would never have allowed this.”

“Well, you’re not the one in charge yet,” Stewy says.

“But you knew about this, obviously. And you didn’t tell me?” Stewy keeps the calm voice that he knows Kendall has to hear right now.

“You can’t always see through it all. It’s Sandy’s way of making things work, okay? You’ll be glad down the line.” Kendall looks at him like he’s insane.

“There might not be a way through it all. He didn’t even talk to me? Stew. Fucking- level with me. Is he trying to get me off the team? Does he have a new CEO in mind?”

“Don’t be paranoid. You’re fine, he’s just being practical.”

“He hasn’t taken my calls the last two days. We don’t have to destroy the company’s reputation,” Kendall says. Stewy still looks far too tranquil.

“Well, it’s happening. Nothing I can do,” Stewy shrugs. He sees a group walking by outside the door and nods at Kendall. “I’ll be back later.” He starts walking away.

“Come on, bro, I’m not done with this. Don’t fucking-“

Kendall is left standing by himself, tension bubbling from his stomach into his chest and clouding his head. The only thing he can think is that he has got to talk to Sandy. He shuts the door of the side room and reenters the cavernous networking space. He spies Sandy schmoozing with some others in the corner and begins to make his way over. He glances up at the balcony and sees Roman and Gerri rushing away into a conference room followed by Hugo and Logan. His stomach flips and he feels a physical pull toward that room. He should be in there. They’re defending the company. He tries to straighten his thoughts. He’s going to try to defend the company the only way he can. He walks over to Sandy and gives him a tight smile.

Sandy extricates himself from the group he’s with and walks with Kendall into a corner, sporting matching publicly-viewable smiles and relaxed expressions.

“Sandy. New York Magazine?” Kendall starts, keeping a pleasant tone for the many curious lookers-on. “This- this is how you want to win?”

“Kendall, I think you are maybe a little close to this situation,” Sandy says with an edge to his voice as he looks calmly at Kendall.

“What does that mean?”

“You are more concerned about the company’s reputation than ensuring our success.”

“Well, yeah, it matters that the company is in good shape once it’s in our hands.”

“This is a good move, and if it were any other firm, you’d agree that this is the right path.” Kendall tries not to think about whether that’s true. “I think you’re a bit emotion-focused right now.” Kendall tries not to let the fury spill out. “We can PR this… unseemly issue.”

“Sandy-“

“You’re not willing to damage the value temporarily, which we need to do in order to take over,” Sandy continues without allowing the interruption. “We have to stop this Pierce deal. Make them balk.”

“They already said no at Tern Haven. Roman told me so.” Kendall says flatly.

“For their own floppy reasons,” Sandy points out. “Logan is a persuasive man, is he not?” Kendall can’t argue with that. “We need something that even he can’t outbid. Something the Pierces will find sharply distasteful, not just generally offensive.”

“Sure, but-“ Kendall tries again to interrupt.

“But it’s your baby. Isn’t it?” Sandy maintains eye contact with Kendall, smiling placidly as if this isn’t a question that could end the world. “I also worry that this is more about your ego than anything else. You were across the department at the time, you might get dragged for it.”

“I- well- no. It’s- that was Mo, and Bill, first of all,“ Kendall starts. “It’s more than that. This- I am serious about being CEO, Sandy, and shepherding Waystar into the future. Let me say first that obviously whatever happened back then is not okay. I was not aware. I mean, of course there were people I- Mo, you know, he was an old family friend but- but, yeah, we should’ve gotten rid of him. There were-“ he shakes his head. “Sandy, you don’t have to publish. You don’t have to do this.”

“Kendall. It’s going to happen whether we do this or not. And I think you are gong to have to figure out what to say about these things when they come up. I’m sure you will.” And with that, he’s walking away and Kendall’s standing there silently arguing.

He’s so worked up he’s running his hand over the back of his head and starts looking around. He clocks Stewy coming toward him and slapping his own serene smile on top of his concern.

“Ken, what are you doing?”

“Sandy’s fucking threatening me I think?” Kendall begins. “Unless I’m good with the company being destroyed by his article, I’m out?”

“Relax,” Stewy practically whispers. “You are not being removed. He’s doing what is necessary.”

“And if that results in the company being trashed?”

“We’ll PR that shit so hard no one will even remember.”

“Stewy. The cruises thing is fucked up, but I can take care of it our way. Those responsible should be held responsible, but-“

Stewy rolls his eyes.

“We’ll get you your very own soap box,” he says, patting Kendall’s shoulder. He sees someone out of the corner of his eye and walks away again.

Kendall stands in a spiral and looks around hoping to find someone who will relate. Just then, Rava sidles up to him and gives him an excited smile.

“Oh, this is actually fun,” she says. “It’s been a long time but I just had a great talk with-“ she sees his frown. “What’s up?”

“Uh- no. Nothing. It’s good you’re having a good time, I like it here too.”

“Okay. So… what’s with the face?”

He sighs.

“There’s an-an article coming out, about cruises stuff. I don’t know exactly what the story is but it’s going to be bad. Make the company look like shit, possibly make me look like the bad guy. I fucking know who the bad guys were.” He grumbles. “Sandy’s publishing in New York Magazine, which he owns. I couldn’t even- stop him, he’s doing this. He- he doesn’t care what happens to me, Stewy says we’ll just PR it, but I don’t know that I come out of this, or that Waystar even comes out of this-“

“So, what, you just keep it a secret? What kind of accusations are we talking about here?”

“I don’t- I don’t even know. I-“ he glances at her. “You know, bad guys. They did bad shit. Shadow logs, coercion… maybe some assault. Maybe, uh, worse.” He braces himself.

“Maybe some assault?” Rava repeats. “And what, murder? What are you going to say about this?”

“Well, it’s going to depend on how they frame it. They’re doing whatever Sandy says, so the blame is going to land wherever he says it’s going to land. It doesn’t matter what the truth is. Sandy is not that different from Dad, you know… If he says it, it’s real.”

Rava scoffs.

“It is not real just because he says it. And Sandy doesn’t want you to look bad. You’re on his team. I mean, right?”

Kendall thinks for a minute.

“Sure. For now. But, but yeah. If this comes out, we’re going to have to have a big reaction. People are going to look to me. I have to condemn this, have a better reaction than the sibs. I’m going to call some crisis people.” Rava sighs and nods. Always another crisis.

……

The next morning, Kendall and Rava sit with Sandy and Stewy at a table staring over at Logan and Nan and Rhea. The tension is thick in the thin air. Rava’s watching Kendall and can practically hear his thoughts. Can’t believe Sandy’s fucking doing this. He sits refreshing New York Magazine’s home page over and over, wondering what Roman and Shiv are thinking about this. He notices they weren’t invited to Logan’s table this morning.

“You good?” Rava whispers.

He nods.

“Had enough PR people and lawyers to last me a lifetime last night.”

“Oh?” Rava asks, mock-insulted.

He gives her a stressed smile.

“Yeah. Well, except one.” He fidgets in his chair and Sandy looks over.

“Can you relax? It’s not as bad as it could be, Kendall. I am not destroying the company I’m taking over,” he says. Kendall notices his use of “I’m.”

Over at the other table, Rhea is doing the same refreshing. Sandy grins and glances at the time.

“Three… two… one.”

The story pops up on Kendall’s screen and he starts to read it furiously between stares at his father’s table.

Sandy looks on contentedly as he watches Rhea get up from the table with Nan and sees Logan look after them.

“And there goes Pierce,” Sandy says in a tranquil tone.

“Fuck,” Kendall whispers as he reads. “I mean… this is not good.”

Rava reads over his shoulder. Sandy clinks glasses with Stewy and Kendall tries not to throw something. Stewy looks at his face and knows.

“Ken. This was necessary. No Pierce, Waystar’s ours.”

“Ours and ‘embattled,’” Kendall says indignantly as he continues to read. He is sick of being embattled.

“You really don’t see what this does for us?” Sandy asks. Kendall is seething.

“Respectfully, neither of you built this company,” he says in as controlled a voice as he can.

“You are not going to be taken down by this, man,” Stewy tells him. “It’ll be a temporary dip. You know this.”

Sandy and Stewy glance at each other and know that Kendall just can’t see the big picture here.

“You’ll see,” Sandy says. Rava looks at Kendall supportively but she wonders if it might really be necessary to make the takeover happen.

……

After hours of pacing and texting endless questions to Stewy while trying to find out what response Waystar is going to have at the evening’s panel, the time finally comes to sit down and watch it happen. He fidgets anxiously next to Rava in the audience as the discussions begin.

“Who are they even going to have?” he whispers between nail-bitings and foot bounces.

“Stop that,” Rava whispers back, forcing him to sit still and not draw attention to himself. “The more obvious it is that you’re here, the more people are going to stare.” He does his best to stop.

“This is insane.” He glances ahead of him two rows at Stewy and Sandy sitting together. “I would know exactly what to say for this if I were up there,” he whispers into Rava’s ear.

“I know. But it’s probably for the best that you are not the face of Waystar right now, don’t you think?” Rava points out.

“Yeah, I-I guess. Let Shiv and Rome look like idiots trying to defend this? Or throw me under the bus?”

“They can’t do that without also throwing your dad under the bus, which I doubt he would like very much. If they’re going to say you knew, no one would believe he didn’t know.”

Kendall sighs. That’s something. Roman and Shiv are announced and make their way onto the stage.

“This is a joke,” Kendall whispers.

His eyes bore into them as they begin their interview, but after a minute it’s too hard to look at them. He should up there, he should already be CEO. He makes himself take a look around at who else is there. He spots Frank and wills him to turn toward him. Frank continues gazing forward with his hand holding his face. Kendall doesn’t take his eyes off him. This could be the moment to convince him to leave.

“Maybe it’s time for a good old-fashioned dinosaur cull,” Shiv says. The room quiets. Kendall’s mouth falls open and so does Frank’s. In a moment, Frank turns and he’s looking right at Kendall. Kendall eyes him intently, hoping he’ll read his mind. But he lets his godfather lead and stays stoic until Frank breaks the silent pause.

“We need to talk,” Frank mouths. Kendall nods.

Half an hour later, he watches Frank cross his legs as he leans back in the swivel chair at the of table of the small conference room they’d snuck into. He observes his every expression as he continues making his case. “You can’t be seen to take the side of the old guard. Look what they allowed to happen.”

“Well, Ken, if we’re being honest, it could look like this is what you allowed to happen,” Frank says.

“Well, Frank, if I’m going to be honest with you, it could easily look like you orchestrated it and are trying to blame me.” It’s ribbing, it’s serious, it’s everything in between. Frank sighs and Kendall continues. “I-I mean, I’m just saying, I think it’s a solid move for you to show that it wasn’t you. Come to the light, you know? I know you, panic-meister. This is killing you. You’ve got to do something, yeah?” he says with mounting enthusiasm. “Yeah?! I fucking know you! Get away from the incompetents, come remake this thing with us.”

Frank looks at the door and back at Kendall.

“You trust Sandy?” Frank asks.

“I…” Kendall realizes a pause is dangerous. “Yes. Yes, I trust him.”

“Well,” he sighs. “I’ll think about it. He’s easing into the possibility and Kendall tries to temper his eagerness.

“Okay. Good, that’s all I’m asking.”

Frank gets up and turns toward the doorway.

“Hey, Frank?” Kendall asks before he goes. The uncertainty of his situation is getting to him. “Do you think- do you think I can do this?”

“Well,” Frank answers, “I think your dad has definitely thought so. In the past, you know.”

“Sure,” Kendall says. He loves hearing that. “But, do you?”

Frank nods equivocally.

“Yeah,” he says lightly. “Probably, yeah, I think you could. Maybe,” he chuckles.

Kendall nods. He hopes he’s right about whose team Frank’s going to end up on.

They walk back into the room full of networkers, shoe-lickers, show horses, and hangers-on. Kendall darts up the stairs and knows exactly who he’s looking for next. The tallest man in the room.

“Greg the motherfuckin’ egg,” Kendall smiles sardonically as he finds Greg walking down a hallway. Greg looks like he’s been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“Oh, h-hey, Ken! How’s everything going with, uh-“

“Greg,” he interrupts. “I’ve been thinking about our conversation at my sister’s wedding.”

“Oh-oh, yeah? Yeah.” Greg swallows and tries to breathe slowly.

“Well, I’m just wondering how much of this you know about. Because some of that insider information might be very useful. I thought we could talk about some opportunities for you at the new Waystar.”

“The new Waystar. That’s super- exciting, yeah. I really- um, I’ve been working a lot with Tom… though?”

“Tom?” Kendall scoffs lightly. “Greg. I like Tom. I do. But Tom is in charge of ATN. I’m about to be his boss. I already was his boss. If he’s lucky and gets to stay, we’ll see. He was also directly in the line of information that you shouldn’t have.” Kendall thinks for a second and looks directly at Greg. “Actually, is- is that where you got this information? From Tom?”

Greg looks too scared for that not to be the case. Kendall laughs a bitter laugh.

“Right. Okay. So you’re both stuck. I think you know I have every incentive to place the blame squarely on Mo, where it belongs, by the way, and Bill for covering it up, and unfortunately, that means Tom is in the line of fire. You, though? You could escape. Take the lifeboat.” Greg looks worried and Kendall looks at him seriously. “Just in case you hadn’t noticed, the cruise ship is sinking.”

On the other side of the room, on the ground floor, Rava’s gaze crosses the door that Logan, the old guard, Shiv, and Roman had entered after the panel discussion. Suddenly, she sees Roman stumble out holding his jaw and is shocked to see some unmistakable drops of blood on his hand where he’s holding his face. Her mouth drops open and she makes a beeline for him. He sees her coming and tries to turn the other way.

“Roman,” Rava calls, approaching him slowly. She’s pretty sure she knows what just happened. She catches up to him as he turns a corner into an empty hallway. “Roman. Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking fine, why is everyone asking me that?” But he’s looking at his hand in horror.

“Well,” Rava indicates his hand, his face.

“It was nothing,” Roman insists. “A fucking- accident.” But there are tears forming.

Rava reaches her hand out to touch his shoulder. It’s so tense it feels like a rock. He’s defended and doesn’t really respond.

“Hey. I’m not new here,” she says softly. He still doesn’t want to make eye contact. “Did he break anyth- oh, god,” she reacts as he pulls a tooth out.

“Ow, fuck. It’s fine, it’s nothing, I’ll get a new one,” Roman shrugs. But he’s obviously falling apart.

“Unbelievable,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

She puts her arm around him even though he tries to shrug her off. He sniffles.

“I’m sure Kendall loves that shit, but I’m stronger than him. If he even chipped a tooth he’d be in a plastic surgeon’s office with three psychiatrists convincing him not to jump off a fucking building.”

Rava squeezes her eyes shut and smiles.

“Okay. Can I get you some ice?”

He thinks about saying no but he can feel the swelling.

“Fuck you, fine.”

“Rome?!” They hear Shiv’s voice echoing as she quickly strides in their direction, the door slamming behind her. Rava watches her turn the corner and spot him, bending down to look at his face and make sure he’s okay.

“I’ll be back,” Rava assures him as she heads to find a server.

Once she’s collected the ice, she returns to him, now sitting in a chair in an awkward ball next to Shiv.

“Here you go,” she hands him the pack. He sighs.

“Thank you,” he says begrudgingly. “Where’s Ken, by the way? Can you- where is he?”

“I’ll get him,” she says immediately. “You want me to send him here, or-“

“No,” Shiv says. “No, we’ll be in Rome’s room. Right?” she asks him. He nods.

“Okay. I’ll tell him to come right to you.” Rava takes off to find Kendall. She walks all around the room and looks up to the balcony. Greg is slowly turning away from Kendall and walking back down to the Waystar room Roman just left. She takes long strides to get to Kendall faster. He catches her eye and she gives him a look that screams problems. He rushes to meet her on the staircase.

“Hey. What’s up?” he asks tensely. He looks pulled in a million directions and there’s about to be one more. She tries to keep her voice as delicate as possible.

“Uh, Ken, I’m sorry to tell you this, but your dad-“ she sighs. “Your dad hit Roman- pretty badly. Lost a tooth, he’s-”

The color drains from Kendall’s face.

“He fucking what? When- just now?” Rage spurts out of him. “I’m going to fucking kill him.” She puts a hand on his arm to make him keep listening.

“Yes, it was just a minute ago. I found Roman coming out of the room, and he’s with Shiv now. He asked for you to come to his room.”

Kendall is about to lunge toward the room he knows Logan is in when he’s physically pulled in the other direction by her words.

“He- he wants to see me?”

“He does.”

“Well, is he- is he okay? I’ll go right now.”

“He’s sort of okay? I got him some ice and stayed with him until Shiv got there.” Kendall pauses and looks at her.

“Of course you did,” he says quietly. She’s so good. He holds her hand. “Thank you.”

She squeezes his hand.

“He’s pretty shaken up. But I think he’ll recover.” Kendall looks almost as upset as Roman. She gives him a quick hug. “You should go, take care of him.” He nods.

“Yeah. Okay, yeah, I’m going now.” He walks briskly in the direction of the residences.

Rava watches him go and wishes for freedom for all the siblings. As he disappears behind a corner, she’s approached by a tall man in a suit who taps her on the shoulder.

“Rava. Nice to see you in the wild,” the man says.

“Oh, Joe,” she says. “How’s the case I want back?” she jokes, though they both know she’s serious.

“I’m glad you’re here, figured you’d be attending since the rest of the, uh, family is here,” he laughs a bit and she grins unconvincingly and nods.

“Yes, it’s a great day to have the last name ‘Roy,’” she acknowledges.

“Do you have a few minutes?” Joe asks. “I wanted to update you on the latest from the firm. Things have gotten interesting.”

“Oh? Well, yeah, actually, this is good timing for a few minutes.” Rava follows Joe into a nearby breakout room.

In the next set of buildings, Kendall knocks on his brother’s door.

“Rome? It’s me. Rava said- you wanted me to come.”

Shiv opens the door.

“Hey,” she says mirthlessly. Her expression looks like she’s been to war.

“Hey,” Kendall says, uncertainly giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Everything, uh..?”

“It’s pretty bad. He’s in there.” She indicates the bathroom.

“Should I-?”

“Sure, take a shot,” Shiv answers. She sits on the bed with her head in her hands, taking a moment before she reaches for the snifter of brandy on the nightstand. Kendall will handle her next. He walks into the bathroom and beholds Roman in a cloud of steam from the shower examining his face in the mirror, wrapped in a huge white robe. It’s far too big for him and Kendall could swear he still looks like the scared little kid he used to comfort.

“Hey,” Kendall starts. “Rava told me you- uh-“ He looks more closely at his face in the mirror. “Fuck. Wow. He’s such a piece of shit. Come here, let me see.” Roman reluctantly turns toward Kendall and lets him look.

“It was an accident. Whatever,” Roman tries.

“Rome,” Kendall stops him. He can see that his little brother’s eyes are red. He looks at Roman’s mouth.

“Where’s the-“

Roman gestures to the tooth on the counter. Kendall drags his hands over his face.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” he says.

“Would you stop? I don’t- it’s fine.” Kendall puts his arm around Roman and he lets it happen for a moment.

“Your wife tried this shit too. I said she’s just used to a weaker man who needs it.”

Kendall smiles at him.

“Sure,” he says, allowing the dig. Picturing Rava taking care of Roman in such an awful, lonely moment makes him ache for her. “Rome, you know none of that was okay. I’m gonna go talk to him, I am.”

“Don’t fucking do that. It was nothing.”

“Hey. It wasn’t nothing,” Kendall says gently. Roman seems to relax a few muscles and Kendall leaves his hand on his shoulder. “You okay?” Roman shrugs. “You’re going to be okay.” He looks at Roman’s eyes as he looks away and makes a face. “Yeah?”

“Whatever, yeah.” Roman finally answers. “Yeah. I’m glad you could take time out of your busy schedule of ruining our family’s company to come here,” Roman attempts to spit out.

“Uh huh. Me too.”

“Are you even going to defend yourself?”

“Today? No.”

Roman rolls his eyes.

“Go talk to Shiv. And just- don't talk to Dad today."

Kendall pats his shoulder and nods reluctantly. He walks back out where Shiv is sitting with her knees up leaning back against the headboard with a nearly-empty glass. To him, she’s eight years old again, looking to him to explain why their brother won’t come out of his room.

“Hey,” he sits on the bed near her.

She takes a shallow breath in and stares at the bed.

“It was my fault. So. There you go.”

“Shiv-“ he says.

“No, it was. I said ‘dinosaur cull,’ he hit our brother.”

“It’s never your fault,” he echoes one of his early therapists. “I- I mean, you know that.” He can’t quite help himself. “I might have phrased the- dinosaur thing differently, but- but it doesn’t matter. This?” He gestures toward the bathroom door. “This is not your fault.” She glances at him and back down at the bed, takes a long sip. He leans away from the smell and she puts it down.

“Sorry,” she says, back to avoiding his gaze.

“No, if I could I would. Believe me.” She nods and he reaches for her hand and holds it. “If you don’t want to go to the dinner tonight, you don’t have to.”

“Oh, sure, you would love that,” she says, grabbing a pillow and holding it. “But of course, you have to go, because if you missed a night of bullshit, you might die.”

“Shiv. Come on.” He hates that she’s a little bit right. But he means it when he asks, “Do you want me to stay here? I will.”

She shakes her head.

“No, no. You go. I’ll be there.”

Kendall looks concerned.

“Well- what about-“ he indicates the closed door.

Shiv shrugs.

“I texted Connor. He said he’s going to call him.”

“I mean, sure, Roman’s not going to answer, but-“

Roman walks out of the room on the phone and dramatically shushes them.

“Can you stop talking about me, I’m on a call,” he snaps sarcastically. He walks into the second bedroom of the suite and shuts the French doors loudly.

“You think?” Kendall asks. Shiv raises her eyebrows.

“I guess so!” They sit for a moment of quiet.

“So, back to the shitshow?” Shiv asks. They share a guilty moment of being the ones who love the drama. Kendall nods and sends a text to Connor.

Thanks bro. Back in the city day after tomorrow. Come over for dinner?

Kendall and Shiv walk out of the hallway together into the room full of people, which has quickly started turning into a cocktail party. Kendall looks around for Rava and sees her on the balcony walking out of a breakout room with a man he doesn’t recognize. He nods up at them.

“Hey, who is that?” he asks Shiv.

“Oh, that’s Rava’s side piece. Sorry you had to find out this way,” she teases.

“Uh huh. Okay,” he nods.

“You’re so jealous. You wish you had a relationship like mine,” she tucks her hair behind her ear. Kendall watches as she notices Tom talking to another woman on the other side of the balcony and clocks her disgruntled face.

“Yeah? And how is the perfect marriage going?” he asks. “He tell you what he knew before the article came out?”

She rolls her eyes because she can’t answer that and they walk away from each other.

Kendall climbs the stairs to meet Rava.

“Hey,” he greets her.

She slips her arm around his waist and he dips his head toward her. She makes him want to leave the party and go lie in bed with her watching something funny on tv.

“Hi, baby.” She uses pet names when he might be more anxious than usual. “How’s Roman?” she asks.

“Uh, he’s…” he shakes his head. “I dunno. He seemed okay. He was on the phone with Connor when we left.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea that you leave him alone?”

“Well, not alone. With Connor, sort of.” Rava raises her eyebrows and he acknowledges that she’s right. “I’ll go check on him before dinner.” He looks up and sees the same man strolling the hall. “Who’s that?”

“It’s Joe from the firm that took Tony Trume’s case! They found a bunch of information. They’ve got management names, company info, they’re working on tracking the company’s history, which is basically impossible, but they’re magicians. I learned so much just from being in there. I think I’m going in their New York office next week.”

“Company history. Gotta be careful when that starts coming out,” Kendall notes.

“Yeah, can’t say I’m hearing great compliments about the Roys tonight,” she says.

He sighs.

“Yeah, and I can’t imagine it’ll get much better at dinner. You good if we-“

“Leave early? My favorite,” Rava smiles.

“Okay,” he chuckles. “Good.”

…..

“Permission to never board?” the comedian calls out.

Stewy looks at Rava and snickers. Rava knows Kendall’s emotional fallout would be worse if she joined in, so she privately gives Stewy an amused look and lets it turn into a grimace at the distasteful joke. Everyone takes a second to look for Logan’s reaction at the next table. Stoic. Unmoved. No one’s surprised.

Shiv leans over to Kendall.

“Did you talk to Roman again?”

“Yeah,” he whispers back. “Well, sort of, he just told me to fuck off so I came here.”

She shrugs.

“Then he’s probably fine,” she says. They look at each other. “But I’ll go back after this is over. I had to come to dinner. Can’t be seen being a bad sport and not showing up,” she says as she straightens her jacket. Just then, Logan gets up from his table and storms out, seemingly following Nan Pierce out the door. Kendall and Shiv turn in their chairs to stare after him.

“Or maybe you can be a bad sport. What the fuck?” Shiv whispers. Suddenly she realizes their conspiratorial camaraderie is not appropriate. “Actually- no. You know what? We are not talking about this. Why are you even at this table?”

“Why are you at my table?” Kendall counters. “I don’t see you being invited to that one.” He gestures to the one Logan had left.

“Fuck you, I wasn’t even supposed to go to this stupid thing.”

“Kind of making my point,” he says. She looks away from him. “Shivvy, you’ll join my side eventually,” Kendall grins.

She gives him a look and turns her attention back to the comedian, who has finally moved on to others.

Once the performance has wound down, Rava looks questioningly at Kendall and he nods. They get up to go and say their goodbyes to everyone at the table. Stewy rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Ugghhh, you’re going to bed at- what is it, like ten o’clock? Drink three? Rava, can you make him stop being so fucking boring?”

“Can I make you stop pretending you’re twenty-two?” she asks playfully.

“Age is just a number. On a bank account in Geneva.” He gestures to the server that he wants another drink. A voice pops up behind Stewy.

“Yeahhh, I thought only women had ages.” Roman gives everyone a confused look as he sits down at the table. “Men just have bank accounts that get bigger. Right, Shiv?”

She smiles for a millisecond before it turns to a scowl.

“Look how delighted she is to see me.”

Kendall relaxes a little and doesn’t see Gerri’s long concerned look at Roman from Logan’s table.

“Glad you’re here, bro,” Kendall says. He looks at Rava hesitatingly. She nods graciously and sits back down. He scoots his chair closer to hers.

“Are you kidding?” Roman says loudly enough to be heard at the next table. “Wouldn’t miss this shit-fest. Someone just texted me that Dad and Nan are yelling at each other outside. I heard it was a must-see event.” Gerri takes a sip of her martini as she stands up.

Kendall tries not to smile at the welcome news of their argument, but he knows what that means. He glances down at his phone and opens a text from Connor.

Roman’s doing all right. And yes. I’ll come to dinner.

Rava taps him to look up for a second as Gerri walks by with Frank, now deep in conversation. Kendall leans toward them to try to eavesdrop. He only catches a few words from Gerri’s forceful whisper, but they’re enough.

“…Logan… losing it?”

#tern haven is in here too! but as Kendall says it doesn't make any sense for him to be there so he's not #I really tried to pretzel that in my mind but he needed not to be here for this chapter's plot anyway SO mostly chaos at Argestes!! #kendall roy fic #kendall roy #succession #kendall x rava #this is more popular on ao3 I promise #rava roy #kenrava #argestes #tern haven #fix-it fic #roman roy #stewy hosseini #frank vernon

[iaminsane-blog]

Little Lady, Big Guns

hope you like chapter/part 4 :)

Bzzz, bzzzz. 

A pounding headache had reached the forefront of my head, nearly blinding me from the small rays of sunshine peaking through the blinds. My whole body seemed to slightly ache but most of the pain was concentrated on my lower back and…butt? As I went to massage the tense muscles my hand was met with a film of plastic. My instincts screamed and I jumped out of bed immodestly shoving my pajama pants to my ankles and eyeing the plastic area. There in small but bold ink just below my hip read “Gun Girl of 141” with a small poorly drawn clipart of a pistol. A deep laugh emerged from my throat as tears began rolling down my cheeks from laughing so hard. This was definitely one for the books. My room was messier than I remember leaving it and my small clock on the desk read 11:42. Shit, even though it was technically a weekend I still had to get something productive done. I slipped into a blue dress with small white flower designs and fixed your self up before heading out the door. 

After sending my final email I finally got the chance to sit back and breath. The day wasn’t stressful however there had been a lack of large army men to lighten your hangover. And so I withdrew from my office and made my way to Price’s office hoping for a new assignment. Price however wasn’t in his usual chair and so you went to the next possible place, the meeting room. It was there that well all of 141 resided. 

“Vera thank the lord, I was loosing braincells with these knuckle heads. I’ve got a task for you” 

Price’s voice had alerted the guys who stood seemingly also hungover. Soap stood with a stupid toothy grin, he had to have known about my tattoo discovery this morning. I gave Price and nod and squirmed my way between soap and ghost, sitting on the conference table and swinging my legs. 

“we need customized gear and weapons for a mountain of a man think you could do that?”

I raised my hand in a small salute, giving a mock serious expression.

“Sir yes sir, but please inform me why this guy cant fit into standard issued clothes?”

Soap nudged Ghost and gave him a sly grin which ghost only ignored, however I could see his eyes scanning me through my peripheral. 

“Well here he comes in”

My eyes drifted to the entrance of the room where a very very tall bulky figure ducked to walk underneath the doorway. As he came into the light the first thing that caught my eye was the absolute unit this guy was, completely massive in height and muscle. He had a large once white but now slight grey cloth snippers hood draped across his face. Two eye holes had been cutout however he had eye black smeared around his eyes. His eyes shifted all over the room. I let out a breathy “gawd damn” under my breath but apparently it was loud enough to warrant a gaze from Ghost. His eyes seemed to sharpen and he returned his gaze to the man, his jaw tense with annoyance. The huge man held his hand out and waved to both Soap and Ghost and then his eyes settled on me. He approached further and held out his hand to mine, and I let my small hand slip to his much larger hand and broke the silence. 

“My name is Vera, I’ll be your designer.” 

“I am König, thank you for helping me.”

I used his hand to pull myself up off the table and craned my head to look up at him, he seemed miles away. My mouth pulled into a wide smile and from miles away König’s eyes had widened. 

“You’re all seeing this right? I’m 5’1 on a good day and König  you are?” “Around 182 centimeters or um..6 foot 10?”

His heavily thickened accent made my smile widen as I gestured to the two of us to the rest of the group. 

“Finally Price a challenge! König you and me will get along just fine.”

His eyes seemed to reflect happiness although I really couldn’t tell under his sniper hood, the masked men are the hardest to read. 

“Thank you team, y’all are dismissed.” 

I started to turn to walk out the door but Soap stopped me short waving a small cell phone in front of my face. The screen illuminated a picture of me, splayed on a tattoo artist’s chair my pants pulled down slightly to expose skin to the tattoo artist who sat concentrated. My face was twisted in a Cheshire Cat grin and I held up a small peace sign. I snatched the phone from Soap’s hand to get a closer look. 

“Soap that is a sick photo here König look.”

I shoved the phone into his hand and for a second he blanked out. Perhaps from being drawn into a conversation so abruptly , however he still brought the phone to his eye line. And when he did his eyes immediately  shot to the ceiling as his eyes widened.

 “That is a very cool photo” 

Was all he said as he handed the phone back his eyes still adverted away. It was comical the way König was, standing rigid above all of us. I gave the phone back to Soap with a grin on my face.

“Please send that to me, thats priceless. But me and König should probably go start on designing, See y’all at lunch.” 

As I began to walk away I noticed heavy footsteps behind me, but for every step I took theirs were doubled. And soon König was walking right next to me. Let’s see where this goes.

“and that is 35 inches across, let me just get here real quick” 

I had been taking König’s measurements for about an hour and still had a few more to go. His large body meant large measurements which would explain why my largest gun appeared like a rifle in his hands. He had started to warm up to me, his body growing less and less rigid. I stepped down from my step stool and looked at my page of measurements, there was only a couple left thankfully. 

“König these last few measurements are gonna be awkward if you acknowledge it, best thing to do is to ignore me.”

His eyes twisted with slight confusion and his shoulders raised slightly. 

“Whatever you need to do Vera”

I nodded and got down onto my knees and took my thin measuring tape, first wrapping it around his waist, and moving down to wrap it around the largest part of his thighs. 

“Tell me König what’s your favorite animal?”

König’s gaze had remained forward facing but he still leaned his head slightly down. 

“Well to look at perhaps a peacock but to pet I love cats”

His voice was soft and low almost as if he was afraid to speak too loud. I moved my measuring tape to measure the length from the front seam of his crotch to the waistband of his backside. I kept talking in hopes to release any tension or awkwardness. 

“You know there’s this old Russian cartoon called Маша и медведь, or Masha and the bear.” 

I finished my measurements and gestured to myself then him.

“Masha ergo the bear.”

I gave him a wild smile to invite friendliness and thankfully he let out a deep giggle that made his eyes shut. 

“Zat is a good one, that is our uh pet names.”

I’m pretty sure he meant nicknames but I didn’t correct him, might as well let him have it. 

“Okay and we’re done with measurements finally, lastly do you have any preference in style or color?”

His eyes darted slightly to his covered arms and then they locked to mine. 

“I would prefer long sleeves and dark colors.”

I didn’t pry why but instead nodded and scribbled down notes, setting my notebook down on my desk. I brushed my hands off and grabbed my intercom. 

“What do you say we get lunch with the other guys?”

König nodded and waited for me to exit the room first before following me down the hall. 

“I fear Ghost does not like me all that much.”

I meant to wonder it out loud but instead let it come out. König’s head peered down at me and he his eyes shifted slightly. 

“Ghost just needs time to warm up to people, especially new people.”

“What was he like when you first met him?”

“He would never admit it but I think he was intimidated, thought I might replace him as the mysterious masked man. But that was not the case and we are friends now, i hope”

I gave a hum in my throat and pulled down my dress slightly before we walked into the cafeteria, no free show today. Although the lunch line was practically empty the cafeteria was filled to the brim with every liutendent and private on the base. König stood next to me scanning the crowd, his height gave him a large advantage on spotting the table first. Konig placed a large hand on my shoulder and gently guided me to the table that was conveniently in the middle of the cafeteria. As we approached the group they seemed to quiet down at König and I’s presence for whatever reason. It seemed that the short steel table only had one seat left, next to Ghost. And his gaze was focused on König or rather König’s hand on my shoulder. I had started to eye Konig but he had already gestured for me to sit. 

“König come on you can take the sea-“ 

“Please Vera you have been on your feet all day.” 

And yes he was right and my feet had started to ache, oh god might as well. I took the seat next to Ghost and König stood near the front of the table, setting down his tray but picking up his plate.  The tattoo has started to burn slightly making me squirm in my seat.

“Something bothering you?”

It was Ghost who had asked not anybody else.

“Yeah my tattoo from last night hurts like a mother, I don’t remember getting it how drunk was I?” Soap and Gaz shared a look and a grin at each other from across the table.

“You were trying to fist fight all of us because we tried to get you into the car and at one point you swung missed and fell straight on your face”

I let out a laugh and so did the rest of the group even König let out a chuckle. 

“So that’s why my face hurts, go figure.”

i started eating my food but felt a set of eyes on me, I turned up to König  but he was preoccupied with his own plate. Instead i shifted to my right to meet face to face with Ghost. His eyes were softer than usual and they scanned my face, i was waiting for him to say something but he didn’t. 

“Do I have something on my face?”

His features softened even more but he just chuckled and shook his head letting out a breathy. 

“No”

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion, the enigma that is Ghost continues to get more eccentric. If only he could take off that stupid mask and show his emotions, maybe then I would relate to him. I sighed and pushed some of my food around, my appetite seemingly disappearing. I took my packaged muffin and gave it a once over not my cup of tea, I looked up to König who had just finished his plate. 

“Hey медведь, want my muffin?”

He peered down at me and took the muffin from my hand, his hand slightly brushing mine.  

“Danke Masha”

“пожалуйста” 

I gave him a smile and turned to the rest of the table who had grown eerily silent yet again. The eyes of Soap, Gaz, Graves and even Ghost bore slightly into my own. 

“You’re Russian?”

It was Soap who had spoke, his face twisted slightly into a face between confusion and slight anger. My confidence wavered upon seeing his emotion.

“Polish but I speak the language”

It seemed like a large breath of relief and the tension was gone in an instant. 

“Thank god” 

It was Graves who spoke from his end of the table going back to shoving soup into his mouth.

“And if I was Russian? Would you guys resent me?” While the rest of the room was booming with conversation our table grew silent yet again, the ego of these guys. 

“Just because you had a bad expierence with one person doesn’t define the group.” 

Its not that I was mad at them ,more disappointed that they judged so quickly. I get it they had to fight off Russians, but that doesn’t mean they can hate a whole nationality for it. 

“She’s right”

Ghosts deep voice penetrated the silence, and thank god it did I had to get back to work.

“Thanks Ghost, shit I gotta get back, catch ya later team.”

I stood up taking my tray and exited from the side, brushing past König slightly. But before I could walk away his hand caught my arm, and pulled my attention to him. He cocked his head to the side slightly as if asking me “are you ok?” I gave him a smile and nodded, and he released my arm. 

At the table 

As they watched her walk away Konig turned back to the group, nobody could see the slight blush across his cheeks under his mask. 

“König swear to god you’re gonna be the one to cuff her, lucky bastard.”

Gaz had begun to violent poke his food while talking to the whole group. 

“Cuff her?”

Konig’s accent had warranted an eye roll from Ghost who suddenly got up and carried his tray.

“Ghost is jealous, he can’t stand the fact that you’re taller than him. lets hope for your sake Vera likes tall men.”

All the guys except Konig let out a stifled laugh at that and they all went back to their meals and individual conversations. 

#konig headcanons #konig cod #konig x you #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mw2 ghost #ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #cod mw22 #i dont know the plot of cod #cod mwii #cod mw2 imagine #gaz cod #soapghost #soap mw2 #commander cody

[mollyhale]

tagged by @bl33ditout ! thanks for tagging me!!

1. If you were to attend a costume party tonight, what or whom would you go as?

2002 avril lavigne!

2. What are your choice of toppings on a hamburger? And do you prefer gas or charcoal grilling?

okay so like it depends where im getting the burger or if it’s being made at home. but in general the toppings i get are cheese always, bacon, and fried or caramelized onions. i dont really like lettuce or tomatoes on my burger :/ 

and definitely charcoal grilling! i used to help my uncle grill when i was little so i have fond memories of it and the taste being better overall 

3. You are chosen to have lunch with the President. The condition is you only get to ask one question. What do you ask?

was it your childhood dream to be the president 

4. It’s your first day of vacation, what are you doing?

depends where im on vacation! usually hit up an art gallery or go swimming, those are my two priorities always 

5. What is your concession stand must-have at the movies?

popcorn is a MUST point blank. sometimes i’ll steal m&m’s or twizzlers (strawberry only) from my friends but i need my popcorn 

6. Which do you dislike most: pop-up ads or spam email?

pop-up ads because at least i can filter spam email

7. What do you think Captain Hook’s name was before he had a hook for a hand?

o captain my captain 

8. Rock, paper, or scissors?

rock :)

9. How long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? How long until the wedding?

see:  FOR TWENTY-YEAR-OLDS WHO HAVE NEVER BEEN LOVED 

10. Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

mmmmmm probably too loud? because i feel like i could get a convo going if it was too quiet but there’s nothing to do about the loudness except leave (minus concerts ofc that’s a necessary loudness) 

11. What is one quality that you really appreciate in a person?

loyalty and honesty. i’ve dealt with too many two-faced people im just tired 

12. At the good old general store, what particular kind of candy would you expect to be in the big jar at the counter?

gumballs! or small individually wrapped candy canes 

13. What is the most distinguishing landmark in your city?

imma keep it 100 when i first read this i thought it said disgusting and i was like ????? but tbh im not sure in either regard lol

14. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

math, science, politics but only kind of... pretty much if it’s some asshole pushing some crazy fox news agenda but like i’ll watch the news and read it that’s not an issue i just can’t put up with listening to someone spout propaganda like that 

15. How many times did it take you to pass your drivers test?

once

16. If you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose?

gummy bears or oreo crumbles i think 

17. What food item would need to be removed from the market altogether in order for you to live a healthier, longer life?

well considering i drink coke like it’s water probably that (but i’d sooner die), and probably just carbs in general - pasta, bread, etc

18. You are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. You are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. Do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second?

as much as i am a gambler, i’d just take the fifty bc i could just go buy a box of pokemon cards and risk it all that way lol

19. If you had to choose, which would you give up: TV, or internet?

well that depends if streaming is considered tv or internet... so give up whichever doesnt include streaming i guess 

20. Who is your dream girl or boy from movies/tv?

hmm my biggest tv crush was on gary oak from pokemon when i was a kid (or his VG counterpart blue) with dick grayson as a close second - but real actual human dream boy? maybe shawn hunter from boy meets world? *** AMMENDEMENT!!!! chuck bass how could i FORGET!!!!!!

21. Have you ever met a celebrity?

yes! mostly from buying m&g tickets to concerts but: sabrina carpenter, madison beer, maggie lindemann, al stewart, i met youtuber marriland at a prerelease tournament once which was wild ... i think that’s it? 

22. What kind of lunch box did you have as a kid?

my school served us lunch family style so i didn’t need one 

tagging: @flippinfins @mickeysjones @seancamerons @borntobewondering @jessyourstruly @glasstown-resident @slickmascara @caw4brandon and whomever else wants to !!!

#tag game #thanks for tagging <3 #another one lmao

[whentherewerebicycles]

look at this little sun goblin situating himself in the one sliver of available direct light :) I think the one thing he misses about texas is the ability to just bake for hours in the sun lol.

we slept for over nine hours again last night which I’ve been allowing myself to do post-surgery… I figure my body will return to its usual eight hour sleep/wake cycle when it’s ready. been lounging in bed since then alternating between mindless scrolling and writing down recipe ideas. mmm I think I’ll be ready to get up soon though as I’m feeling a little restless. considering going for a walk & listening to the rest of this hockey podcast while it’s still very cool out… I think some morning activity would get me up and going for the rest of the day. lemme talk through the day…

rub ruthie’s side with olive oil to try to get this pine sap out of her fur and let sit for 10 min… then I have to try to brush it out. I have no idea when or how she got into it but poor girl is sooooo sticky and unhappy. she does look real cute when she’s acting bewildered about how something happened to her though lol

make breakfast

send email to committee with candidate updates and all references attached

leave detailed feedback on JG’s makerspace document and update next steps list

empty and reload the dishwasher

write/brainstorm for a bit

go for a neighborhood loop walk and listen to podcast… I might do two 30ish min walks instead of one long one tbd

do a 10 min ‘all too well’ downstairs tidy including cleaning out the fridge

do a 10 min ‘konstantine’ upstairs tidy

write liz bday card & put it in the mail

put K card where I won’t forget to take it to the post office tomorrow!

unpack new food processor and decide if I want to keep it or return it

target wander with my sister at some point… pick up online order and do that home goods return while I’m out there. might also want to buy soil and a pot at HD or costco?

use my brother’s wet/dry vacuum to deep clean the upstairs carpets

change sheets & towels

set a timer and read 20 min of nona at some point outside to jumpstart this new book

also I’m working from home monday and tuesday of this week which will be nice… since most of my job is stuff I would do for fun anyway it makes it feel like I have an exceptionally long weekend with some little projects woven into it lol. I love hybrid work man this is the lifestyle I was born for.

[free--therapy]

30 ways to set boundaries: a guide for people pleasers

Posted on November 20, 2018

An important note for my fellow recovering people-pleasers: all of the following things are 100% ok. Seriously. They may make you uncomfortable at first because you’re used to letting people ignore your needs, but OMG, I promise you’re allowed to set boundaries. Not only that, but they’ll seriously improve your life.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to use all of these techniques. Instead, cherry-pick the ones that resonate with you. Personally, I tend to start with the more subtle approaches, and only turn the dial up when needed. Here are 30 ways to set better boundaries in your life:

1)Prioritize the stuff that keeps you happy, healthy, and sane. Seriously. This is more important than helping your buddy move, talking to your Mom about her tuna salad, or returning your clients email within 26 seconds. 

2) Say no to the stuff that doesn’t interest you and explain why you’re saying no. 

3) Or say no and don’t bother offering an explanation. The truth is, you don’t need to explain yourself if you don’t want to. This is one of my favorite moves. 

4) Or say no but respectfully affirm the other person’s desire. I do this all the time, especially during negotiations. A prospective client recently asked for a payment plan that I don’t offer. I said, “I understand the desire to breakup the payments, but unfortunately that’s not an option. I understand if this is a deal breaker for you.” 

5) Say no by explaining that you need a bit of time to focus on your physical or mental health. The cool part here is that if you’re ducking out something to avoid a person or situation you dislike, saying no is a form of prioritizing your health. 

6) If you’re struggling to say no in the moment say, “Let me think about that and get back to you.” Then spend a day or two figuring out how you want to let the other person down, and say, “no.” If the person is particularly aggressive or unreasonable, just send a text. 

7) Send the call to voicemail. 

8) Wait for a few hours (or days) before returning a call / text / email. This is especially useful for imbalanced relationships where one person wants to be much closer than the other. 

9) When dealing with difficult people, inform them of the decision you’ve made instead of asking for permission or input. In other words, say, “Though I’ll really miss you and the rest of the family during the holidays, I’m going to stay in California this year” instead of, “Would it be ok with you and the family if I stayed in California for the holidays?” 

10) Take a mental health day where you ignore everything you want to ignore (including work) and focus on charming yourself. Personally, I like to binge watch Impractical Jokers, go for a walk without my phone, get takeout for dinner, and then turn my electronics off and read. 

11) There are a lot of people and activities that are great for an hour but unbearable for a day. Spend time with these people and things for only as long as you enjoy them.

12) For people who are particularly difficult and also unavoidable, only agree to hang out with them in the settings where you can tolerate them. This can be a large group, a small group, one-on-one, in places where it’s hard to interact (like a movie), only when they’re sober, whatever. 

13) If someone is really bothering you, block their email address, phone number, and social media. If that feels too extreme, change the settings on your social media accounts so that you stop receiving updates about them without unfriending them. On the other hand, if they’re really bothering you or making you feel threatened, consider getting a restraining order. 

14) One of my favorite tricks: when someone does something that you really like, point it out or give them a compliment. For some people, reinforcing positive behavior is deceptively effective. 

15) This is an important one: when someone hurts you, regardless of their intent, let them know. Say, “Hey, I doubt this was your intent, but when you did x, y, and z, it hurt.” 

16) Likewise, if something is making you uncomfortable, let the other person know. You can do this by saying, “Hey I know this kinda awkward, and I doubt it’s your intent, but when you do X it really makes me uncomfortable.” 

17) Just change the damn topic. 

18) Or, a bit more subtly: refuse to engage with topics you don’t like. Often when people have opinions I disagree with or don’t want to discuss, I’ll listen to what they say, but refuse to respond. I’ll transition into a different conversation by saying, “That’s interesting. On a different note…” 

19) If that fails, say, “For my own sanity I need to stop talking about this. Tell me about…” and then bring up any other topic or question that is likely to cause less tension. Yes, it may be awkward for a minute or two as you find the groove again, but that’s way better than endlessly suffering in silence. And if the person refuses to change the topic, it’s cool to just get up leave. Seriously. 

20) Respect other people’s boundaries. More than that, thank them for setting the boundary in the first place. You can do this by saying, “Thanks for letting me know,” when they tell you how they prefer to be treated. Respecting and reinforcing other people’s boundaries is likely to make it easier for you to respect and reinforce your own. 

21) If something has been on your mind for a long time consider talking about it. I know that leaning into these conversations can be hard. It’s also tends to be worth it. Disclaimer: when you do choose to have a hard conversation, think about your motives. If you’re doing it just to hurt the other person or to play some sort of power game with them, don’t waste your time. More on hard conversations here. 

22) If you struggle to enforce boundaries for yourself (and lord knows I did… and sometimes still do) ask for help. If there’s a particularly difficult boundary that you need to enforce, ask a friend to be there with you during or right after the conversation. You can also ask friends to help hold you accountable. 

23) An advanced move: discuss boundaries and expectations ahead of time. This tends to make more sense in some situations than others, specifically: forming new business partnerships, dealing with roommates, starting a project with a new client/boss/contractor, beginning a new phase of life, or the initial stages of love, sex, and romance. 

24) Simply refuse to share parts of your life with people who you don’t want to be close to. There are whole chapters of my life story that many of the people in my circle will never find out about. The simple truth is that I just don’t want to share certain parts of myself with them. 

25) Don’t respond to work emails or texts on the weekend unless you really want to. 

26) Only take unscheduled calls when you’re easily available and excited to talk to the other person. While I somewhat enforce this with my friends and family, I super enforce it with my professional relationships. 

27)You know those stupid, “Hey we should totally connect! When are you free for coffee?” or “I’d love to pick your brain – what’s your phone number?” type meeting requests from complete strangers? Unless you’re excited to meet the other person, just ignore them. I mean, seriously, has anything good ever come from one of those? A related approach to these issues is to charge for your time. 

28) Memorize and use the phrase, “I’d rather not answer that.” 

29) While you’re at it, memorize the phrase, “I’m not ready to talk about that yet,” too. 

30) After you’ve set a boundary that was hard for you, give yourself a treat. Though it can be something tangible, like a chocolate cake, it doesn’t have to be. I’ll usually go for a walk around the block without my phone to process the conversation and let the good feelings sink in

What to do when people can’t take a hint…

You’ll notice that most of these techniques are subtle. As long as you’re consistent, you can easily set boundaries for 95% of the people in your life like this. They’ll be able to read the social cues and adjust accordingly.

But then, there’s always that damn 5% who just can’t get with the program. In these instances, I suggest clearly spelling out the boundary and the repercussions of violating it. If they still steam roll you, just let them go.

When I lived in DC there was a guy who used to make inappropriate comments about my girlfriend. No matter how clearly I tried to communicate, he wouldn’t stop.

Then, one day I woke up to a text from him discussing her appearance. I picked up the phone, called him, and said, “I’m fucking sick of hearing your comments about N*. I don’t give a shit about what your intention is. If I hear one more remark from you her, I’m going to stop talking to you entirely and explain to everyone in our circle why I did that. The funny part is that your reputation is so fucked up, I doubt I’ll even have to show people the text you just sent me for them to believe what happened. Do you understand me?” He tried to explain that he didn’t mean anything by it. I kept interrupting him and saying, “No. I asked you a simple question. Do you understand me?” When he finally said “Yes” I said “Good” and hung up.

The next time I saw him, he offered a sincere apology. And while I don’t see him much anymore he’s been nothing but respectful to me ever since.

CONTINUE READING

#boundaries #enforcing boundaries #setting boundaries #personal boundaries #healthy boundaries #unhealthy boundaries #assertion #assertiveness #assertive #effective communication #communication #free therapy #mental health #mental wellness #mood disorders #anxiety #depression #bpd #bipolar disorder #ocd #ptsd #trauma #you got this #you can do it #you matter #you're enough #you're worthy #keep going #it gets better

[fateology]

4,10,19!

4. what sections of a bookstore do you browse?

Mostly just lit/drama/poetry/fantasy/trending sometimes and if it’s like a secondhand one with not a lot of organisation I just enjoy digging about it looking for something I might like, it scratches a specific itch in my brain - though I rarely read new stuff by browsing cause I go by rec or pre-decision to look for a book

10. do you have a guilty fav?

Like previous post it’s gotta be the foxhole court/all for the game series. I read a lot of shit YA back in the day when I was a preteen enough that shadowhunters did something to the wiring of my brain. I’ll love Magnus Bane forever

also I have in fact read and enjoyed red white and royal blue. Not because it was good but I think because they wrote emails to each other, it was years ago I don’t remember . One thing I do remember is the guy trying to get his sister off his back tells her “go curate your Instagram feed” and that line has stuck with me since, every time I colour match a picture to the rest of my account before I post it comes to mind with a quiet she’s just like me fr. Anyway don’t actually read rwrb it’s ass

19. most disliked popular books?

Erm I alr said rwrb so i can’t say it again but let’s go with the other book One Last Stop by that author the wlw one i didn’t finish it so I cant pass a complete judgment but I always dislike the premise of “white main character has to save hot love interest of colour from some situation of sort” and the first few chapters I read of it didn’t do much to redeem the white girl main character in my eyes I didn’t find her compelling enough to give it a shot though theoretically “girls resolve time travel technicalities and fall in love ft. Asian love interest” would have me just a bit sold. I was actually excited for it when it was first announced

Another one that I actually liked at the outset was the Road by Cormac McCarthy because his style is interesting and the super bleak and disturbing setting intrigued me but how’d the kid develop a moral compass and aversion to cannibalism etc in a ruined world with a father who’s jaded and stoic to that kind of stuff. And wtf was “the cold autistic dark”

Anyway speedrun of the typical: captive prince illuminae coho whatever

#ask