#i've been rambling about this to anyone who would listen for months now and i'm just so emotional about it

[thefreakandthehair]

A Steddie fanfiction. Rated E. 84k.

----

April 1986

“How’re you feeling, Ed?” Steve asks quietly, preserving the stillness of the night that surrounds them. 

“Think I’m alright, a little tired.” Eddie watches the gentle waves that ripple out from his shins kicking softly in the water. It’s been a long day, even he has to admit that, and he’s feeling… well, that’s the end of the sentence. He’s feeling. 

It’s the first time Eddie’s been around everyone all at once since the Upside Down and the kids, they mean well and he knows that, surrounded him with so much love that it’d become overwhelming. So had sitting upright, walking around, talking. The last hour or so, he’d gone ghost— transparent without actually disappearing— and the others followed his lead. Pretend you’ve vanished hard enough and the people around will you pretend, too. Except for Steve, he discovers.

It’s an odd thing though, preferring to be still, to be quiet, and he hates that the Upside Down has stolen this piece of himself, too. Steve’s assured him that it’s okay, that he’ll be his boisterous, loud, antsy self again when his body’s healed but it’s taking too long for Eddie’s liking. Or comfort. 

“You know it's normal, right? It’s a lot, Ed. You didn’t even have to stay out here the whole time, no one would’ve minded or blamed you.” Steve sits next to him, letting his feet slide in beside Eddie’s. Everyone else is inside— kids, parents, everyone who’s made the Harrington House their base while waiting for the government pay-outs and new homes. It’s late now, but Steve and Eddie take advantage of the silence as they so often do. 

“Yeah, yeah I know. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” 

Steve nods and lets his pinky touch the edge of Eddie’s, palm down on the cold, wet concrete. 

“You don’t, you’re right. I didn’t either. For what it’s worth though,” Steve takes a breath, thinks about how he wants to word this without making a confession he’s not yet ready for, “I like every version of you.” 

Eddie’s heart pounds in his chest and he watches the ripples from Steve’s legs blend into his. Huh, he thinks, something symbolic there. 

He doesn’t respond, just wraps his pinky around Steve’s. 

Coming soon to ao3: February 1, 6:00PM PST (3:00 PM EST)

Now Posted!

tagging people who've asked or have listened to me ramble on and on for months: @bayouteche @starrystevie @tuvens @rougenancy @ruthofrhythm @toburnup @sparklyslug @justspicysixthings @fruityfour @fruityfourgalore @fastcardotmp3 @flashyysins @stevethehairington @kkpwnall @buckleydiaz @strawberryspence @undreamingscatworld @seidenbros @legitcookie @aringofsalt @patheticgirlsteve @henrystars @sharpbutsoft @nailbatandrobin @harringtonisms @stardustonpages @corrodedcoughin @steddiebf @songbvrd @hexiewrites @courtjestermunson @wroteclassicaly @cheatghost @flowercrowngods @lesstat-de-lioncourt @withacapitalp @newton-pulsifer @quevadilla @strangersatellites @stevesbipanic @wynnyfryd @prettyboyandthemetalhead @gothbat99 @sidekick-hero @stevecarrington @aidaronan @stargyles @bmodiwrites @evergreennwilloww @steves-babysitter @pizzaqueen @ruvina-loz @lallagoupsidedown @phantypurple @counting-dollars-counting-stars @deehellcat @stardustonpages @unclewaynemunson @yournowheregirl @punkharringtxn @babyboyargyle

#steddie #steddie fanfic #steddie fanfiction #steve harrington x eddie munson #eddie munson x steve harrington #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #i cannot believe this has a posting date #the art that goes along with it is absolutely STUNNING and i can't wait for you guys to see it!!! #i've been rambling about this to anyone who would listen for months now and i'm just so emotional about it #i quit writing for terrible reasons 7 years ago and now i've written essentially a novel?? #i'm so excited to finally share this and also so so so terrified lmao #(i'd also like to give a little shoutout to dio for talking me out of a spiral like 10 minutes ago about this <333) #myfic #over the hills and far away #if i forgot to tag anyone i'm so sorry

[teejaystumbles]

Against all odds (part 3)

Part 1 // Part 2

After his work is done and Dream finds the time to retreat to his chambers, he pulls out Hob Gadling’s notebook and reads Hob's last journal entry in its entirety.

June 8th, 1989

Dearest stranger, my friend! 

I can't believe I am allowed to call you that! Let me tell you that I nearly fainted when I found your message in my notebook this morning. I've read the words you've written a hundred times by now and still I almost can't believe them to be real. I can’t believe I’m touching the pen you must have held, that I missed your presence in my room

As devastated as I was after you didn't come yesterday, as happy am I that you chose to contact me after at all.

I'm quite embarrassed about my drunken ramblings that you must have read. There's no lie in them, but I would try and put the truth into less desperate words if I could. I must seem like a fool, fixating on you like this, after all we've only met six times so far. Still, what I wrote, that you are my one constant in life, is nothing but the truth. Our meetings are fixed points in time that I measure this immortal life of mine by now. I try not to, but meeting with you has often felt like the start and finish of an era of Hob Gadling, despite it being probably more in the middle of several. Every centennial meeting with you was the most important appointment that I would plan and prepare for (as best as I could) for months, sometimes years. So if writing to you like this is the only way I get to speak to you then I will gladly take it, and thank you for it. 

But make no mistake, dear stranger - I would love to see you again and I hope you will be ready and willing to meet me in person again someday. Because

As we are sharing truths and have both admitted that we're lonely, I would like you to know that I have never been content with our schedule. If you're willing I would love to meet you a lot more frequently. A lot of things I'd like to tell you about are long forgotten again when we meet. I guess this book is a good way to share stories with you more often now, if a regular Friday night at the pub isn't your thing. I kept notebooks like this all my life, to be able to peruse them in preparation for our meetings and choose the best stories to tell you, because I knew I wouldn’t have enough time to share them all. We got cut short so often, I wonder how you appeared to know me so well without me telling you overly much. But then, that is what you do, isn’t it?

Like with Lushing Lou, you know everyone. And now you mentioned that you do not forget anyone. Do you truly know everything about me then? Is me telling you stories of my life more of an amusement than a necessity for you? Could you actually know it all with a glance instead of listening to me ramble for hours?

Please forgive me, my friend, I do not mean to sound offended. You wrote that you enjoy our meetings - and apparently my ramblings - and I know you would not lie to me.

You do enjoy stories, then. Is that it? Are you a collector of stories? Of histories? Or is your interest actually in my interpretation of these stories and events, in how a mere human experiences the things that are so easily visible to you? I remember the spark in your eyes when I told you about printing. I was such a dewy-eyed fool then, it almost makes me laugh to remember. Did you already know what Gutenberg’s machine would mean for the advancement of humanity? Did you see me finally shaking off my rough and bloody persona as a step in the right direction? Or were you simply interested, like you said, in my experience, and how I would change over the years?I admit, waiting for you to finally tell me who you are is hard for me. But I’ve waited this long and I will wait longer, and I won’t be offended if it takes you another hundred years to tell me. We have time, after all.

Much has happened in the last hundred years. Mostly war. Humans have reached new heights of cruelty. We have become even more ingenuous at killing ourselves. We have created weapons to wipe out all of humanity. We are one wrong phone call away from destroying all we’ve accomplished with the press of a button. People are overthrowing their regimes left and right and while that is generally a good thing, I am still looking over my shoulder, metaphorically, stashing money and valuables in uncanny places like a pirate of old, in preparation for what might yet turn into a true apocalypse.

It is stressful, and I admit that the new drugs are very tempting. I have not been able to resist trying most of them over the last two decades, either to be able to relax or to be able to feel something other than dread, to see some colours in all this grey.

I participated in both wars and it left me unable to sleep properly for decades. Not that sleep was anything to look forward to. If I tell you that I’ve not had a dream since before the first World War started you will surely think that I’m being silly. That I just don’t remember them. But let me tell you, about a week ago I had the first dream since, I think it must have been 1916 or 17. It wasn’t anything magical or special, (just something very simple, about lying in the grass on a hill, looking at the sky and watching bright blue birds fly overhead) but when I woke up I cried because I felt such a profound relief! Relief that I could dream again! 

I did dream of something strange soon after, though.I dreamed of a skeletal little man, mad and raving, chasing someone that looked like a weird bird man - and here I want to make clear that I do not intend to insult you, dear friend!, but this man that looked like a bird and at the same time was neither, he reminded me of you. I can’t really put my finger on it. Just something in the way he moved, maybe, or the tilt of his head-

Anyway, it was a strange dream, and I felt reminded of you, which is why I am mentioning it, I guess. I’m sorry for rambling about silly dreams. But their return (for I am certain dreams returned, I did not simply start remembering them again) has made me hopeful again.

Maybe times are a-changin’, who knows. They always are, and hopefully for the better this time.

I could tell you a lot more of the last century, of course, but I don’t know if you care to hear war stories. I do not necessarily want to drag all those unpleasant memories up, as it took me years of therapy to get over a lot of them, if you can forgive me for summing things up like I did.

I will think of better and brighter things to tell you and write to you again soon. I would be very happy if I found a reply from you in the meantime, but please use this book at your own leisure and don’t feel pressured to answer me every time I start rambling at you.

I hope to

Yours, Hob

Yours. Dream swallows and reads the word again, traces it with his finger. Yours.

Hob considers himself Dream’s. He knows it’s just an expression used when writing letters, but somehow Dream also knows that Hob means it to be more than just an empty phrase.

His.

Dream does not know if he wants Hob to consider himself Dream’s. Dream would not trust himself with another, not before and certainly not after his ordeal. Where before his imprisonment he had felt too sharp, too lonely, too easily enraged, he now feels brittle, too thin and too vulnerable. He cannot hold another’s heart and keep it safe. He cannot be trusted with the affections of another. He has learned that, over the last billion years. Every relationship he has ever had has ultimately failed. Because of him.

He does not want Hob’s and his relationship to fail. He intends to fix this friendship that he knows he does not deserve but cannot stop himself from clinging to. Few are truly loyal to him, Dream has learned, even fewer because they want to. Hob is singular in that regard, in his enthusiasm and friendliness when it comes to Dream, despite, or rather because he does not know him. And there Dream’s thoughts circle back to his predicament again.

He wants Hob to know him and like him, but Dream is terrified that introducing himself to Hob will leave their barely-mended friendship ready to break completely.

With a heavy sigh he stops moving, realising that he has been walking in circles in his chamber while his thoughts do the same.

Maybe it will be better to simply start writing.

#telling myself that last bit all the time #just sit down and write and some words will come #dreamling #the sandman fanfiction #1989 au #teejay writes

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Hey everyone.

Maybe some of you have noticed that my writing's been super sporadic since like June (if you haven't that's very okay) but I just wanted to write a little bit about what's been happening in my life because it's had a pretty big impact on my writing.

It turns out that I'm actually ace.

So, if you happen to notice an uptick in me writing fics with ace characters who still get to be loved, I'm just trying to process a thing.

Please feel free to skip the rest of this post if you're not interested in the harrowing journey of self discovery. I am absolutely giving too much information about my life, I'm just really working at processing everything and I'm hoping writing it out will help. And honestly, there have been some beautiful souls in the Tumblr community who have given me some beautiful encouragement (including but not limited to @basicallyahedgehog who answered an anon ask I sent them the other day with so much kindness and encouragement because I'd bawled my eyes out about one of their fics featuring ace Harry/Draco.).

(Anyway. If you want to read a ramble about all of the things I'm struggling with at the present moment, I'm gladly accepting advice and kindness at this time. Please read below the cut and chime in if you have anything hopeful to add.)

For most of my life I've pretty comfortably called myself a "picky bi" and in the past couple of years have labeled myself "demisexual" because I'm not sex repulsed; I've had sex, it was fine/good when it's with someone who I'm in love with. I moved on from the labeling, content with the label I'd given myself and whatnot.

It's been a minute (read: 8+ years) since I've been in a relationship that got to the point where I've considered having sex but I didn't really think all that much of it. In retrospect, I think this is largely because I've grown a lot in terms of self respect and honoring my own autonomy. Somewhere around 25, I started saying no when I didn't want something and if the other person didn't respect that decision they were not worth my time.

Anyway, it didn't really occur to me that perhaps going nearly a decade without thinking about/wanting to have sex with anyone (and without experiencing even vague aesthetic attraction to someone with only the odd exception here and there- some of you saw that post a couple of months ago, apparently just having the thought that someone is pretty isn't the same as attraction that allo people experience- so that panic now seems pretty unnecessary. It literally boggles my mind that people can just see a person they've never met and want to have sex with them. Anyway, I'm digressing.) Apparently, it's not a common occurrence even among demisexuals to go that long without thinking about sex if you have emotional intimacy with people (which I do). So fast forward to June when I went to a conference for lgbtqia christians and started listening to people talk about attraction.

To say that my experience of attraction and desire for sex is profoundly different than that of nearly all of the people that I talked to at that conference would be an understatement.

After that conference, I started talking to a lot of friends about their experience of attraction and their desire for sex (eventually this also included some new friends who are demi/ace) and have been a little flabbergasted by their responses. Suddenly, in light of the fact that my body doesn't interpret a lot of things the way that other peoples' seem to, a lot of things started to make sense.

I've been called a flirt (at best, and a [cock]tease in more unpleasant moments) my entire life because I always want to give people gentle physical affection; I love holding hands, touching people on the arm while we're having a conversation, playing with peoples' hair, hugging, leaning, the list is long- none of those things have ever felt like flirting to me. Every one of those actions was the end in itself, there was no artifice in my touches, no desire or even thought for more, but APPARENTLY that is not the thing that happens in a lot of peoples' bodies. It is incomprehensible to me that simple, affectionate touches are not something that everyone just wants to do to anyone that they harbor platonic affection for. This also applies to the way that I communicate with people. Again, I've been called a flirt, been told that I'm intense, been told that I'm trying to 'steal' peoples' boy/girl friends simply by being friends with them. APPARENTLY, showing "too much" interest in other peoples' lives and hobbies is flirting. APPARENTLY, getting really excited for people who are excited and doing cool things is flirting. Because (or so I have been told) the emotional energy I expend is too much to just be friends; surely, I have another angle.

Next, in terms of attraction, I experience attraction to beautiful things in nature in the same way that I experience it to people. If I'm being honest, nature makes my heart sing in a way that people usually don't. I can get caught up in the beauty of the world; the vastness of the ocean for literal hours, in the majesty of the mountains, the strength of trees, the way water carves a path through the rocks in glens and waterfalls. The world takes my breath away, it makes me weep just to exist in nature. Apparently, this in not everyone's experience of nature and apparently, many people who want to have sex don't think that trees, or bodies of water, or mountains have as much (or more, in my humble opinion) appeal than humans.

It's come to my attention that even the way that I have experienced heart break from relationships where I was "in love" and having sex is not the way that people typically experience heartbreak. All heart break feels the same to me; grieving leaving a job, grieving the death of a loved one, grieving horrible things that happen to my students, grieving the loss of friendships, and grieving the loss of a relationship feel like the same heart break. (Like some of those things hurt worse than others but the heart break over the loss of a relationship isn't worse.) One of my friends mentioned that I grieve the passing of summer into autumn (I fucking hate the winter) like the loss of a relationship and I wish I could say that she is wrong. I've been told my whole life that I experience my emotions too big and I just can't help but wonder if there is some sort of correlation there, but I digress.

The literal dream for my life is to have someone who wants to get in the car or on a plane and travel with me. Someone who I can make coffee for in the mornings and who wants to cook me dinner at night. Someone who wants to sit on the couch after a long day at work and talk about nothing, or watch a show, or just exist together. Someone who wants to dance with me in the kitchen, and hold my hand while we walk, who wants to smile at me while I ramble about nature. I want someone who wants to hold me when I cry, who wants to listen to me when I'm mad, someone who will remind me to take a break when I'm working too hard. The only thing that I actually want from a partner is just someone to do life with. It's not that I'm opposed to sex, it's just that it literally doesn't matter.

(So many things in past relationships, so many fights, so many of the reasons that I was left, so many things that I JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND make sense now. Or at least they're starting to.)

So. In the process of understanding this complete fuckery, of trying to put all of the pieces that haven't quite made sense in my life into order, in the end of July my best friend told me that she's in love with me.

And on the one hand, I'm fucking over the moon, delighted, honored, speechless, crazy-happy. She's literally the best person I have ever known, she's the kindest, sweetest, most loyal, loving, amazing human being to ever exist. She loves me so well, so completely, like all of the things that I said above that are my dream; that is her. We road trip together, and she lets me braid her hair, and we snuggle on the couch and watch movies, and we talk for hours (literally hours, when we road trip we go for 7-10 days at a time and I like do not shut the fuck up for more than like 5 minutes total the entire day and she loves me; loves listening to me talk about whatever is in my brain), and when I'm going on and on about how pretty things are in nature she looks at me like I'm the pretty thing (when I say, 'oh my gosh. that mountain, tree, lake, ocean, etc. is so beautiful.' she literally says 'you're so beautiful' and I am deceased, my heart can't take it, I can't fucking stop smiling- I don't even want to), and she lets me info dump about whatever I'm learning, and she loves my brain and my stupid adhd, and she plays me sappy love songs and sings them to me (and she sings in my car, sings to me even though she doesn't sing in front of people) and and and... she makes me feel like I'm good. She makes me feel like I'm all of the things that other people have said I'm not.

And I am constantly terrified of hurting her.

There are a variety of reasons we're not planning on having sex (partially because it's not really something that I want) that I'm not going to get into but I'm afraid of being what I've been to other people. I'm afraid of her feeling like I'm pushing her buttons because I just always want to be touching her (very platonically) like just having our shoulders bumping while we walk, or putting my head on her shoulder when we're on the couch, or letting our elbows press against one another while we're in the car. BUT what happens in our bodies when we're touching like that is really different. Like I described above, for me any type of touch is really the end goal in and of itself (if I'm braiding her hair, it's safe to assume that that is all I want to be doing. If I'm leaning against her on the couch, that too is what I'm wanting.) But that's not always how her body wants to interpret touch, even if she logically knows that I'm not intentionally teasing (she would never say that she feels like I'm trying to tease her, for the record, it's just the easiest way for me to articulate what it feels like could be happening).

And I love her so much, like so much; I'd do anything for her but it's not the same kind of love that she feels for me. By which I mean that she is just really gay and actively attracted to me emotionally/physically but for me if she started dating someone else, I'd be actually fine with that. If she was dating/having sex with someone I wouldn't be jealous, as long as we still get to be friends. (And maybe her dating would necessarily change the dynamic of our friendship and that would be really hard but that's a different mental exercise.) This isn't the way that she feels.

She is so special and important to me but even the way that we are aware of the other person's presence is different. For me, if I'm in a group of people and she's there, I'm aware of that on some level but it's not at the forefront of my mind. My brain is always sort of 'triaging' the people around me when they're my friends; who's being too quiet? who has been going through a rough patch with work/family, etc? who has an exciting new thing they need someone to squeal about with them? who hasn't been included in the conversation in too long? (see the paragraph above about flirting. haha.) She's there but she often isn't the first person I'm thinking about because I talk to her almost every day, I get to love her every day, and odds are good that we either drove together or will talk on the phone our way home from the event- I see the other people there less, so my brain just prioritizes them since I have less time to love them. (This is actually really good, healthy progress for me in terms of healthy attachment and not forming a codependent relationship. My therapist and I are really proud of the work I'm doing, but I'm digressing again.) For her, though, she always knows exactly where I am. It is work for her to pay attention to other conversations, work to be in a different room. In most situations, I am the person she defaults to thinking about and wanting to be near and she has to actively choose other things if she wants to. (And I don't mean to sound like an absolute asshole, it's not like I ignore her or anything, and I'm delighted for us to be in the same conversations, it's just a different way that we engage with the world.)

I love her so much. And I'm afraid of messing everything up. Of hurting her. Of asking too much of her without asking for anything at all. I try to let her be the one to initiate physical touch (or I ask first) because sometimes it's too hard on her body and that's fair. I feel frustrated with the different ways that we experience love for each other because the way that she loves me feels so good and safe to me and it makes me feel so happy. I'm afraid that the way that I love her doesn't feel as nice for her, that it feels less than, that the way I express my love and devotion isn't as good. I'm afraid that the way she loves me is going to wear her out. She always says she knows I love her just as much as she loves me, it's just different. She says she's okay, she says that the way I love her is good for her and she's happy. But it's hard to believe.

I'm afraid that she'll fall in love with someone else who can love her the way she loves and I won't matter to her anymore (partially because that's been my experience of people who have said they're in love with me). I'm afraid.

Is it even fair to entertain the idea of maybe having a whole life together? (we're already entertaining the ideas, already daydreaming about 'what if we lived together', where we're going on our next road trip, etc. And I'm terrified.) Is it asking her to give up too much? I would spend the rest of my life with her. I'd be good and kind to her, I would love her with so much tenderness. But is it enough? Am I enough with just the things that I have to give? Is it actually possible for someone to love me for just me and not for the ways that I could contort myself to be something I'm not?

I recognize the irony in what I'm asking. I know that that's what all of these hundreds of stories I've written here say, it's what I want to believe. But is it even possible when it's reality?

I don't know. Does anyone have any good advice? Any ace people out there living with a person who's in love with them? Does anyone have something that's lasted?

#please send help #c rambles #i'm ace and i'm having a hard time with it #genuinely- I do know this is way too much information #I won't blame anyone if no one reads all of this #but i'll love you forever if you reply with something that makes me feel a little less lost and terrified #ace

[our-aroace-experience]

Hi! I was on the asexual tag saw this blog and just wanted to see if anyone else who is aspec can relate to my ramblings. Rambling tldr: not claiming a label despite that label actually relating to my experiences because it just doesn't fit perfect enough and because it doesn't fit perfect enough in my mind I don't think I want to use it.

Now, back in 2020 I claimed being 'asexual' by name and then a couple of months later claimed being aroflux which eventually changed to 'greyaro' over a year later. And those two terms fit me the best, grey aro ace is me. However, because I'm greyaro I still feel romantic attraction though it is rare but its still present enough in my mind to continually be wondering about what label to put it as. For the most part, I don't have a label even when the attraction - romantic/sensual/alterous/aesthetic - arises. Which again doesn't rise often, but I daydream about it a lot or reminisce about old crushes - particularly the one about a girl way back in high school days. (Let me tell you that was a wild time in my mind). Back then I was thinking I was bisexual only to cancel it out because I didn't want to have sex with her. However I never questioned if I wanted to have sex with boys (I just assumed I would, thanks heteroallonormativity). But the romantic feelings I had for her were the same like the boy crushes (which came up every few years). And for a timeline purposes, before her my last crush (boy) was in the 7th grade, she was the 11th grade, and my last crush currently was senior year of undergrad college (the best one honestly I could actually talk to him and not be overly ridden with anxiety and embarrassment). And despite so many years passing I always wonder - does the bi label fit? Was that with her an bi experience? I know its whatever I feel like it was but also I'm wondering if my hesitation is because deep down having that bi label attached makes the 'im not straight' thought more permanent? If that makes sense? Like 'im not straight' in any way, not even hetero aro/ace? And maybe that thought just makes my head spin a little. I thought about the pan label too; but when I read the definition to see the differences between bi and pan I realized that pan definition doesn't connect the closest but bi does. However I still can't always make it fit. It's like when I was going by aroflux despite the fact it did not fit for me, it was clunky in my brain calling myself that. But then I read about grey-aromantic and it fit perfect! But not my romantic orientation is still in murky waters; I ID as a girl so for the most part of my life boys have been what I've been romantically attracted to, however hetero isn't me. I usually just go as fluid for all my attraction titles which I do like but that opens up more discussion of "okay, but who, what gender?" So in that case I guess bi would be the correct answer...despite the fact gender doesn't play a part (hence fluid label I go with and or queer) but it isn't all genders I fall for, I lean in some directions more than others. So it kind of does, doesn't it? But again I'm like "....meh it just doesn't fit/doesn't fit the way I want." And I am one of those people who agree that you don't have to use every label or any label including micro (for example, aegosexual I can relate to but I don't feel the need to have two microlabels) however, once I start thinking in depth I start to question myself as I do because I'm a thinker. And I think a lot because in real life I'm not in the space where I can speak about this openly with the people in my life.

Wonder if anyone else has had something like this on and off throughout their life too?

Thanks for listening~

you can be bi and greyromantic at the same time, if that helps! but not wanting labels is totally valid and if that feels best then go for it!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #aro pride #ace pride #long post

[literaryhomos]

literaryhomos on tumblr

C/W: gn!reader; angst; angst to fluff; worried tighnari; a brief mention of the words "borderline kill yourself" is a thing but it's just tighnari being scared :(; likely ooc, actually; i've never written for this sassy fox mushroom nerd before; no beta we die like signora; could be read as platonic but you gotta be blind as fuck my guy; hc that rukkashava mushrooms are toxic as fuck bc yk; they look it;

END C/W.

-

A/N: yeah i made this ig. i fell in love w/ tighnari at first sight and just ":]]]]" every time he went on screen. i didn't mean to make it angsty. i swear i didn't. anyways ty to this post for giving me ideas. you're to blame for this dumpster fire, buddy. 👍

So without further adieu ....

____________________________

Tighnari's Guide To Why You Should Not Eat Sentient Fungi (Or, Why You Should!)

_______________________________

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

"Doing what?"

You try to convince Tighnari that you have no idea what he's talking about, but judging by his reaction, it really doesn't seem to work.

It doesn't help that this is your third sweetwater mushroom this month.

"I have explained to you countless times what the effects of sweetwater mushrooms are. I've also explained the effects of raw rukkashava mushrooms, the large glowing mushrooms in the mushroom forest, and even the sentient fungi that riddle the forest grounds."

Tighnari opens his mouth before just sighing. You shrug. "I'm a bit forgetful?" It's a silly and sheepish response, but you're not very good at making up excuses. You'd think by the fourth or fifth scolding you would be.

Tighnari stammers for a bit, at a loss for words. That didn't work.

"You ate a sentient fungus. That is not forgetfulness that is- I don't even- what could possibly motivate you to eat a breathing, floating fungus?! Do you have a death wish?! We didn't even have a filled reaserch paper on what would happen if you tried to eat those because anyone who tried was a known idiot!  I can't even fathom an explanation as to why in the entirety of Teyvat-"

"Yep, I get it. I'm really stupid for doing a really dumb thing. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, would you mind readressing the toxic mushrooms again? Juuuust in case i do a stupid thing all over again? Please?" You give him your most convincing puppy eyes. They probably didn't work but he agrees anyways. You know he'd never miss a chance to rant about mushrooms.

You've always found his enthusiam about them endearing.

"... I don't exactly appreciate being interrupted, but it certainly couldn't hurt."

Tighnari clears his throat.

"The first and most important thing to note about Sumeru's fungi is that while some are edible, that's certainly not the case with all of them. Some fungi, like the sweetwater mushroom cause smaller adverse effects like halucinations, while others - rukkashava mushrooms, for instance - are potentially fatal. Distinguishing the difference between these mushrooms is extremely important ..."

You listen to him ramble on about the difference between edible and sweetwater mushrooms for the first half before moving on to rukkashavae fungi. He then explains the effects of the evolved fungi around Sumeru - emphasising that it's for your sake - and you wink at him. He glares at you before going back to what he was saying as you chuckle to yourself.

You haven't been a forest ranger for too long; you graduated under Tighnari pretty recently in fact. You had applied to be forest ranger trainee, and you were luckily accepted. Immediately, you saw Tighnari and if you didn't believe in love at first sight, you certainly did now.

When he introduced himself as your instructor, you mentally fist-pumped as he started to tell you about one of the most important lessons you'd ever learn as a trainee. The difference between fatal, poisonous, and harmless fungi.

Even though you did try to listen, you wouldn't stop staring at his ears. His big, tall, fluffy, ears that looked oh so soft. He seemed to notice evident by his mildly annoyed questioning of 'is something troubling you?' to which you practically begged to touch his ears. Much to your dismay, he replied with a very adamant 'no.' before continuing on. You giggled and just stared at him the whole way through.

After a while - and a lot of poisonous mushrooms - you two started to get closer. Tighnari may seem stern at first, but the way he tends to people shows that at the root of it all he does care; even while scolding it's in their best interests. You realized that when you two started joking around and having fun.

You didn't want to brag, but you felt a lot closer to Tighnari than the rest of the other trainees.

When you did finally graduate, you were happy. I mean, you were an official forest ranger now, how great is that? Tighnari even conrgatulated you for it personally. It made you feel great, but when you were put on a mission with someone other than Tighnari you started to feel a bit lonely.

It was sad, really. You and Tighnari were practically never paired together, and you couldn't really tell if you missed what you had or if you just missed Tighnari. It hurt, and so you tried to replace it.

You would joke around with your other partners. Play around, have some fun on missions the same way you used to with Tighnari.

It wasn't the same though.

Nobody would scold you while doing something stupid, yelling more as your giggles turn to laughter because they're so worked up.

Nobody would see a new plant or animal and immediately try to get your attention, this normally cold forest ranger going starry-eyed as you smile endearingly at him while he goes on and on about the local wildlife in this particular section of the forest.

Nobody would help you get out of the forest when you got lost, gesturing to follow him as he tells you he knows exactly where you are, occasionally gripping your wrist because 'you aren't paying attention' as you just giggle and tease him.

You'd tease him about little things, small things like how despite his aversion to touch, he'd still grip your wrist. How he'd change the subject as his ears and tail twitch - presumably from the storm, though you liked to think you were flustering him. You'd joke to him about it, saying that maybe it was just his excuse to touch you, but every time he touched your hand ever so slightly you felt fishes swimming circles around your stomach, usually accompanied by a cottonny feeling under your skin. Soft and fluffy, warm like your own personal blanket even as the cold, wet drops of  rain and dew hit your face from high-up leaves.

You remember thinking you were the only person who's wrist he's touched in a while, even if it is just to guide you out.

You remember how he never truly denied your claims.

At the end of it all, it was evident that you missed all those moments simply because it was Tighnari. You missed the fun because Tighnari was the only person you knew who could provide to you all those moments and more.

Moments that could of been.

Moments that should have been.

But, then you had an idea.

Tighnari's information abput mushrooms had always stood out to you, but you could never figure out why. You always remembered looking at various mushrooms and trying to figure out exactly why you found them so peculiar.

At least, until you accidentally ate a rukkashava mushroom.

Forgetting that they were inedible, nigh-deadly, and required immediate medical attention as soon as they were eaten, you decided to cook one as you couldn't find much food anywhere else. It looked alright, so it couldn't have been too bad, anyways.

Until you started getting dizzy, when your partner at the time asked if you were alright you responded with an obvious 'yes' obviously. I mean, so what? Maybe you were a little dizzy but it couldn't have been that bad. Sure, you walked into a tree twice, got them lost at least 4 times in the span of a few minutes, but everything was a-okay!

You passed out shortly after.

Only to wake up to a 'tsk' from a familiar voice.

Opening your eyes showed a small blur of green, white and black, with some very tall almost triangular appendages on top.

Tighnari?

He seemed to be tending to you, getting some sort of medicine as your head lay on his lap. Noticing you opened your eyes, he sighed, before asking why you had eaten an extremely rare, and more importantly extremely dangerous type of mushroom.

You explained that you had forgotten at the time and that you were hungry, because, well, you were, and you had. As Tighnari glared at you, seemingly looking for a more satisfactory answer. After not getting it, he just sighed, and told you not to do it again.

Huh?

Why didn't he ... ?

When you asked why Tighnari didn't scold you, he simply explained that he knows your potential and your mind. He knows that sometimes, you slip up and do something a little stupid. He understood that, and explained that it's fine to do that,

occasionally, nobody's perfect, afterall. Tighnari knew that with you and your experience, it was definitely the most likely out of all the possibilities to be just a silly little mistake, but asked for the next mistake not to be eating a potentially fatal mushroom. You giggled, and said it wouldn't.

Not by accident, anyway.

Suddenly, you had an idea.

Due to never being on the same missions with Tighnari, you never got to see him. If you had eaten a potentially poisonous mushroom, you were taken to see Tighnari.

After that little visit, and after you fully recovered, you decided on a way to be able to spend more time with your beloved little fox boy. A way that wouldn't really interfere with his work schedule, and a way that you could blame on just 'another messy slip-up.'

...

"... s'cuse me! Excuse me. Hello?"

Tighnari snapped his fingers in front of your face.

"Huh- what-?" You look around. That's right, you're facing the consequences of your actions.

Seems you spaced out for a bit.

"Oh. Hi, Tighnari!" You say, a cheerful tone dipped in honey. Excitement and a kind warmness swirl together and flood your prescence all over again before you freeze. Tighnari's arms are crossed and he's frowning. Usually, this would mean he's ready to scold you, but this is different.

It's an expression you've never seen before on him.

Was he mad? Agitated? No, he's scolded you hundreds of times, you'd know when he glares sharp, piercing daggers that bypass your eyes and into your soul. But, this time it's soft; instead of that light but familiar stabbing, you feel cold. Chilly, an icy feeling like lying under a waterfall, and as the water drops on your face, you start to look back with the same sorrowed expression.

Pity. No, worry.

He was worried about you.

" ... Are you alright?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, Tighnari. I promise."

Tighnari pauses.

"... Why are you doing this?"

" ... Doing what?"

This time, you didn't understand what he meant.

Tighnari touches your shoulder. He stares into you.

"I know what you're capable of. I've seen it firsthand. I've seen that even if if you make a mistake, you always learn and try never to do it again. I know you know well enough, so ..."

Tighnari pauses and looks away.

"Why do you keep trying to borderline kill yourself?"

You sit there, stunned. Somewhere down deep, you understood that maybe he was worried. Somewhere down deep, you may have even felt a little guilty for it.

But, none of that compares to how it all felt now.

As Tighnari got up, you wished now that you had realized how much you'd scared him. You wish now that he'd spoken up sooner and you wish now thay you had never missed him as much as you truly did.

That you had never been as selfish as you truly were.

The room falls silent, the only sound being the pattering of rain and the occasional crash of thunder. Neither you nor Tighnari dared look at eachother, in fear of seeing something you wouldn't like, despite your own glances. A particular loud crash of thunder and Tighnari brought his hand up to his ear, presumably to lessen the blow to his eardrums. He didn't remark about it, instead he wordlessly turned away from you to get an oral medication.

You were the first to break the silence.

" ... I missed you."

Tighnari's ear twitched as he stopped in his tracks. He seemed like he wanted to say something, yet he remained silent. He tilted his ear to you.

"I ... I wanted to spend time with you. I missed the times we had while I was in training. I missed your enthusiasium when you'd find an aspect of the wildlife and explain to me what it is, or how it works. I missed listening your voice even when you'd scold me for doing something dumb, like eating a sentient fungus, for intstance." You chuckled at the last sentance, almost sadly, still not daring to look up.

"I missed ... I missed you, Tighnari."

He was still silent, still standing in place. Still frozen on his way to find your medicine. You were looking down, almost scared to look up out of shame. Shame that such a small, personal issue, something so insignificant escalated to something that could make even the cold, stone-faced Tighnari lose his composure for the worst.

It was dumb. It was something you should have dealt with on your own.

Something you shouldn't have gotten him involved in.

Footsteps resumed as Tighnari quickly grabbed a bowl of your medicine. They got a little louder as Tighnari got closer before coming to a stop once more as you see his knees on the ground in your peripheral vision.

" ... Look at me."

It's gentle, yet you can't find it in yourself to look up. You look towards what you can see of him but you don't dare raise your head.

"Look at me."

He says it more sternly this time. You take a steady breath and look upward towards his face. He wears an indecipherable expression.

"Open up."

He brings a spoonful of liquid to your mouth. As you open your mouth, as the cold, bitter liquid slides down, Tighnari looks away. You both avoid eye contact as he puts the bowl down and you turn your head away. Then Tighnari just sighs.

"You didn't need to eat a poisonous mushroom to spend time with me, you know."

You look back at Tighnari, his expression still unsolvable.

"I understand that I am busy most days, whether it be my work or something else i happen to be preoccupied with."

His ears tilt down a bit, his tail curls into himself as he turns to face to you as well.

" ... But, if I do happen to be free one day."

He pauses again, avoiding eye contact.

" ... I've always felt that the best way to progress a relationship with someone is to, well, spend time with them."

He looks up at you again. You look back at him.

" ... If you wanted to."

You stare into eachother's eyes as each confession processes in the other's mind. The words swirl around with the returning fishes, minds and heartbeats racing between the two of you.

"I'd ... "

You look down, but not out of shame this time.

" ... I'd like that."

You smile as the words come out and your eyes trail back up to Tighari's face, dusted a barely noticable pink. Yours as well, probably, but you decide not to comment on it. At least, not at this moment.

" ... I would too."

Tighnari seemed to release a breath he didn't know he was holding, standing up and gesturing his hand out for you to grab. Ears perking up and tail uncoiling as you slide your hand into his own and get up. Both of you glance into eachother's eyes as that same warm, cottony blanket carressed you both once again.

"Just one thing."

You were broken out of your trance as Tighnari gave you a mildly agitated expression once again. You tilted your head, puzzled as Tighnari pinched his nose bridge.

"Don't ... Don't eat any more toxic mushrooms. Please."

Tighnari sighs exasperatedly as you give a cheeky smirk his way. The second he looks your way he crosses his arms and glares at you, a small pout apparent on his bottom lip. You laugh.

"Okay, okay! I won't, I won't."

_______________________________

#×epel's writings #HOOOLY SHIIIIIT YESSSSSAA #FIRST FIC MOTHEFUCKERS #BITE MY ASS BITCH #WOOOOOO #this is being posted to my ao3 and watt too btw #so #yeah #tighnari #tighnari x reader #tighnari x you #tighnari x y/n #except y/n is not used once in this fic #i just need the clout #/hj #angst #angst with a happy ending #angst to fluff #probably ooc #whoops

[sallow-tales]

Feather-light Falling – Garreth Weasley x GN!Reader

A/N: Well guys, here it is. Not only the first piece of Hogwarts Legacy fanfiction that I've written, but the first fanfiction I've written in probably 2 years. It's more of a blurb than anything, but I felt incredibly inspired. I'm pretty sure it's gender neutral, but let me know if you catch anything gendered! I hope at least someone likes it

PS: bonus points to anyone who can guess what song inspired me. I tried not to make it obvious.

Word Count: 962

In the crowded pub, Garreth enthusing about his most recent potion venture, it almost feels too good to be true. 

After everything you've been through over the last year, it feels like the world has been waiting with baited breath, for something, anything to happen. It couldn't all be over just like that, could it? 

Anxiety plagued your brain during every spare moment. Every corner you turned around, every darkened room you entered, you half expected to see a dark wizard or goblin on the other side. You couldn't even confide in your normal companions, as your relationship with Ominis and Sebastian was on the rocks after the incident with Uncle Solomon. You'd make it through, you were sure, but you just didn't feel like dumping your problems onto their shoulders, not when they each had so much to worry about on their own.

So when Garreth Weasley of all people approached you, offering his support if you ever needed it, you were considerably more open to the possibility than you'd expected to be.

“Hey, I, uh, I know we aren’t exactly close, but I want you to know that I’m here if you need anything.” His voice was genuine and you could see in his eyes that he saw you struggling. Despite his constant chaos, he’d always been an observant one.

“Thank you Garreth. I appreciate it, I really do.” You smiled politely, expecting that to be the end of the conversation, but then the redhead spoke again.

“Just wanted to make sure you know you’re not alone.” The words were intended to be a closing remark, but they struck a certain chord with you. Alone, that’s how you felt without Professor Fig, without Sebastian and Ominis by your side every moment–you felt alone. In that moment, you realized that you didn’t have to be, at least not right now.

"Actually, would you mind if… Can we just… go to the Three Broomsticks? I could really use a drink."

And thus you found yourself here, entranced with the ginger in front of you against everything you'd ever anticipated.

As you listen to Garreth ramble on, you can’t help but wonder why you hadn’t spent more time with him before. Sure, you’d helped him with a potion mishap on your first day of classes, and then snuck some billywig stings from the Honeydukes cellar when he’d asked, but outside of those few interactions he’d always been someone skirting at the edges of your life; there, but not necessarily of notice. 

Now, he’s there and all you can notice. The spattering of freckles like paint on a canvas, the way he talks with his hands, the quirk to his lips that indicates his sheer excitement at speaking about something he’s passionate about–and actually having someone listen.

Your conversation continues for a while longer and one butterbeer turns into two and then three and you realize that the beverage isn’t the only thing making you feel warm. It’s also the fact that your anxiety isn’t bothering you for the first time in months. It’s the fact that you feel happy and comfortable exactly where you are. It’s a feeling you haven’t known in longer than you can remember.

And as Garreth’s green eyes flick to yours mid sentence, it’s as if everything clicks into place. You’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop for what feels like forever, and it does– not with the jarring thump you’ve been waiting for, but rather the featherlight touch of a snowflake floating softly to the ground.

There’s laughter and smiles and the urge to lean into him is so strong, but you can’t give in. You won’t let yourself give in. You don’t want to risk ruining this moment so artfully and accidentally created. 

Before you know it, curfew is fast approaching and when you realize the time, you instantly wish you hadn’t. You don’t want the night to end, because you fear that this feeling will end with it. Alas, you don’t particularly have another choice, not once he stands and holds his hand out towards you. It’s an invitation, but by no means an obligation. It holds a lifetime of possibilities–companionship, comfort, and the piece currently missing from your soul. You take it, and he carefully leads the two of you out of the crowded pub. 

The walk back to the castle is as slow as you can manage, and at one point or another his arm ends up draped over your shoulder and yours looped loosely around his waist, and you’re giggling and grinning from ear to ear. As far as you can tell, so is he.

When you step into the still air of the castle, you half expect the haze that’s fallen over the two of you to dissipate, but it doesn’t. A pang of doubt flashes through your mind, wondering if he’s even felt a fragment of the same emotions that have been pulsing through you all evening.

But your gaze meets his and you see the fire within him–not a wild blaze, or even the crackle of a fireplace. It’s the soft flickering of a candle, bright but fragile. It carries the capability to warm you, or to be blown out by a single stray breath.

It’s a look that you’re sure is mirrored in your own eyes.

“Do you think we could possibly do this again sometime? It was really nice spending time with you.” Your words are quiet, timid, barely above a whisper. He hears them anyway and he smiles.

“Of course. Anything for you.”

A soft kiss to his cheek signals your departure, but when you glance over your shoulder at him, you could have sworn you saw that candle behind his eyes burn slightly stronger.

#garreth weasley x mc #garreth weasley x reader #garreth weasley #garreth weasley imagine #garreth weasley fanfic #garreth weasley fluff #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanfic #sebastian sallow #ominis gaunt #hogwarts legacy fandom #garreth weasley x gn!reader #my writing

[silencingspellsongs]

hellooo redacted nation, i come to you today with a humble question to test the waters a bit....

so for a while now i've been working behind the scenes on some stuff and i've mentioned it a few times on my blog but ok hhh here goes

tl;dr is that i want to make fan audios taking place in the redactedverse, but with exclusively original character speakers and listeners, and the audios would take place in my version of one of the other cornerstone cities (not one that's already named in canon)

these audios would be from a female presenting speaker (so F4A) and besides the worldbuilding and some easter eggs and references thrown in, would not be connected to the dahlia stories plot wise.

so i guess my question here is....

more rambling and i guess explanations of my thought process under the cut

i've been working on a couple different scripts on and off now for a few months trying to learn how to do scriptwriting for audios (oh my god it's so hard how does ANYONE do this 😫) and i have a one or two that are close to being ready to record so i've really started to think about the idea of actually doing this, which is why i'm suddenly so concerned about if anyone would actually want to listen to them 😅

i have friends that are really supportive and helpful of this project but none of them listen to redacted or audio roleplays in general so while i value their input, it's not exactly the same as knowing if the actual fanbase would be interested. saying to them "this character is a sadism demon! this character works for the department!" is equivalent to someone who has never heard of star wars opening a fanfic and reading that someone is a jedi, y'know what i mean? (i use this example as if i am not a bitch that has never seen a star wars movie in their life oop)

and even if the majority of ya'll aren't really interested in what i make, just knowing that a few people would be willing to give it a try will hopefully kick those doubtful thoughts out of my mind and get me inspired to finally finish something! 🥹🙏🏻

and idk if this all needs to be said but i feel better making this disclaimer: i'm obviously not affiliated officially with redacted, and i really stress the term "fan audio" because i don't want to try and claim ownership over his worldbuilding in any way. my intent is not to copy or steal his original ideas, i just want to show my love for his work by making something with all the stories in my head that it inspired. because of the nature of this, i don't ever plan on monetizing the videos if i ever got to that point. and while the characters i make and the storylines that would follow them along with the setting i make would be mine, all creative credit for the overarching worldbuilding itself will always be enthusiastically given to erik.

and i guess if you actually read to the end of all this rambling i could reward you with...... a little something...... a teaser if you will 🫣

#redacted audio #redactedverse #argent rambles #argent originals™ #i've been so nervous to post this but i just gotta do it hhh #i hope what i said makes sense lol

[koco-coko]

Well. It's 2024 for me, so I thought I'd post some thoughts here.

I'd been a part of the ikevamp fandom since Isaac's route released. I never really interacted with anyone (I didn't even have an account) but I would pop in occasionally. Well, I dropped ikevamp for a year (school) and when I came back to it, I told myself I was gonna be an active fandom member. I had gotten more confident in sharing my ideas online by then, so although scary, I kinda knew what I was getting into.

Didn't subtract the fact that it was scary. I mean, there's sooo many talented creators here and I'm just an anxiety ridden autistic girl who ships the most rarest of pairs! But I still felt welcome almost the very moment I made some posts. So, thanks for that, everybody. I don't think I've ever seen a fandom so encouraging about the very act of creation and self-indulgance and sheer enjoyment. It's kinda insane.

Now here's the part where I tag people:

@azulashengrottospiano I already left a comment, but thank you for being so welcoming. You were one of the very first people I interacted with and it really made me feel welcome here. And genuinely what you said in that reply earlier made me tear up a bit I'd never heard something that nice over the internet before :"")

@natimiles I did not expect to become friends (friends? Mutuals? Still trying to figure out how terms work) but you've always interacted with my posts and it's a joy to see your comments. And thanks for listening to my mad ramblings in messages... I tend to talk a lot when I like someone :)

@weirdwriter69 I don't know you too well but we've interacted a lot and I thought I'd say I enjoy when we do. You're comments and reblogs are always nice :) and so are your playlists! Don't worry, I'll tag you when the jean x vincent one comes along. Or if I make any others. Only if you want of course

@ikemendrew I just thought I'd tag you and say thanks for the encouragment on that one post and for liking a lot of my stuff. It means a lot :))

There's probably more I could say but I'm already nervous posting this, so just imagine I said all the other sappy things your thinking of.

So yeah I've been here less than a month but I already feel pretty welcomed in. Of course I'm still a nervous trainwreck whenever I comment on anybody's post (including the people Ive tagged lmao) but it's starting to get better :)

So uh, from Koco, happy new year!

#happy new year #!!!!! #yippeee #Insert autism creature here #Sorry for all the @s

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

A Ramble about St. Patrick's Day, Irish identity/diaspora & colonization

Dia duit! Cal is ainm dom. Labhraim Bearla ach táim ag foghlaim Gaeilge. Sláinte!

hope that was legible (and that I didn't just embarrass myself in front of fluent Irish speakers..). it being st. patrick's day, I was having some thoughts, and I've been trying to figure out what I want to say.

after once thinking st.pat's was nothing more then a throwaway holiday for drinking, now, after delving into my family genealogy and therefore into irish history/identity, I'm one of the people who I'm sure are pissed that a holiday meant to celebrate irish identity has been dwindled into nothing but stockphotos of leprechauns and drinking till you black out.

one could argue about how heavy drinking has been weaponized as an anti-irish sentiment for years, but I digress. instead, I would encourage anyone listening to learn a bit more about irish history beyond the stereotypes, and especially if you have irish roots yourself! irish immigrants carried this holiday and their irishness across waters, but overtime, for some that identity and cultural tie has been thinned.

identity is huge in a person's life, and for me, I've always been curious as to where I come from. I've been thinking a lot lately, about how there's this unspoken gap within the diaspora of north american white people (this really interesting post sparked it) when it comes to cultural identity. the majority of us would state first that we are canadian/american, but for some, unless you are indigenous, you have no other ties. I've always wanted to feel that - to know where my roots are, to know that my ancestors once had a language they taught their children, a shared dish, a way of dance. something that belongs to you. it's key to know where you come from, and some people on that that post were saying they come from nowhere - that is not true! my friend, you come from somewhere! your ancestors had traditions and dishes and loving terms of endearment in their own tongue, that they passed down for generations and maybe hoped, it would reach you. you have roots, friend; ancient ties came before you, and they're ready to be picked back up if you wish.

my irish roots come from my father's father's grandmother. she carried the name phelan - o’faolain, which loosely means wolf. the name carries all the way back to the ancient names of ireland, to the decies, before the normans arrived. before we even dated the year with four digits. once from the waterford area, later many moved up to kilkenny - the very place my irish ancestors lived before they immigrated in the 1800's. anyone who's looked into irish history, knows it's both beautiful and tortured. there's a lot of suffering from colonization and other tragedies that's still felt today, but there's more to learn then that. after always assuming I was bad at languages, I'm now four months into irish lessons and am learning lots! and as of last week, have ordered my own bodhram, or irish drum, with hope I can learn to play it (it's got this sick ass celtic dragon on it too). I can play it, knowing people with my cultural ties have long enjoyed tapping their toes to it's jigs, and I can (clunkily) speak the tongue, knowing it carried my ancestors for eons.

this is a great time, to reignite roots if you wish. and a great time, to know that the irish are more then the horror handed to them or the lucky charms mascot in a pot of gold.

HOWEVER,

I would feel it wrong without noting what learning about irish history has given me - and that's a deeper understanding of colonization. it would be a disservice, to celebrate my ancestors and the people who survived it, while an active genocide is going on in gaza right now.

while the minute details sometimes may be different, what I can see now, is that regardless, colonization is the same anywhere you look. the people in gaza are starving now just as the irish did over a hundred years ago - by their oppressors danging the aid they need out of reach. entire family lines have been wiped out in gaza, and right now, remnants of bones of whole irish families taken by starvation lay deep in the ground. reports of gazans left to eat nothing but animal feed, the same starvation that drove irish families to scavenge for seaweed by the shore. this isn't even to mention the troubles and irish fighters gunned down by (british) forces similar to palestinians being gunned for daring to fight for their independence; or northern ireland, irish land stolen by the british just as palestine was stolen by israel. while not wanting to center western views, there's a reason you see irish flags at palestinian protests. the leftovers of colonization don't magically disappear and a people simply don't forget.

and let me say right now - my ancestors and their people didn't survive those horrors just to allow it to happen to another. I and many others in the diaspora are here bc by chance, our ancestors survived; gazans should not be having to put their lives at the same gambling table. 31,000 deaths as last checked, and many families are already lost - this needs to stop now.

you can donate to the PCRF (aid for children) and UNRWA, who've been delivering aid on the ground. there's also e-sims you can buy to help gazans connect to their loved ones and get help. and if you're truly broke and/or simply cannot, there's daily clicks to generate aid.

Happy St. Paddy's and Phalaistín saor in aisce!

#st patricks day #st paddys day #irish solidarity with palestine #ireland #palestine #cultural heritage #ps if anyone has the link to the spreadsheet of gofundme's pls link it I couldn't find it #also I wanted to say bc I couldn't fit this in the text #that I recognize that though irish immigrants often came fleeing from their suffering at home #it aided in the displacement and colonization of indigenous people #either through direct choice or by powers governing it #and so to any indigenous people reading this: I respect that #and agree that the irish also have to recognize their role in oppressing others often people of colour #it's all never straightforward #anyways enjoy this ramble

[enam3l]

This is really random but I was thinking about the post you made when you touched on rockstar Eddie not being a music snob, thinking a set of pipes is metal as fuck and stuff, and I just absolutely adore daydreaming about it.

Like, when BabyMetal started to get shit I like to think Eddie would have been up front and center like "I'm sorry, can't recall any of you guys performing near pitch perfect whilst nailing a choreographed dance routine. Shits pretty fucking hardcore if you ask me."

I fully and unironically believe he'd love the shit out of Lizzo, and be vocal about it. And while he doesn't really get K-pop, he's still out there shutting down anyone who mocks the artists because "those kids fucking work 10 times harder than we ever had to"

Idk, I'm rambling. I've always had the headcanon that Eddie isn't a music snob, but the way you mentioned Rockstar Eddie showing his respect to other artists regardless of genre just tickled something deep in my brain and I can't get enough of it.

100% this! I think Eddie would kinda be like Justin from The Darkness (if you know him) who posts reviews of others music and just loves looking at the skill that goes into it.

Eddie respects any musician who loves their craft and is creative. He loves a performer and theatrics, they remind him of DnD days. Now he has money, Eddie's free time is spent collecting new instruments and learning them. Iris, his middle child, is very like him and musically gifted and share the love. Once he finds out about Lizzo he's immediately out the house looking for a flute for him and Iris to learn. Whilst Eddie doesn't have social media, his daughters do send out messages on his behalf and every month he makes a list of what he's listening to for them to post.

#enam3l x eddie #enam3ls rockstar eddie #enam3l asks

[forest-hashira]

i need to be honest with you guys

i really don't want to be Like That and say that i've succumbed to the whole "my writing is worthless if it isn't popular etc. etc." mindset but like. i think i kind of have. i know that my writing has worth even if nobody reads it, and for a long time i was fine with not getting much attention on my works. i was happy with what i was writing, i didn't really care if anyone else read it, because i liked it, and that's what mattered.

and then i started writing Noble Blood, not just a bunch of mini fics that had no worldbuilding and very little plot.

Noble Blood is very precious to me. i've never put as much time and effort into a project that has actually turned into anything beyond some very vivid mental images and a handful of bullet points in a google doc. Noble Blood means so fucking much to me. and as much i desperately wish it didn't, the fact that it has not done well over the last three months has really, really hurt me. i know that engagement isn't everything, and i know it doesn't signify how good or valuable my writing is, but it's also not wrong for me to wish that people would interact with it in some way, because without those interactions there's no way for me to know if anybody's even reading it at all, much less if they're enjoying it.

and beyond that, i feel like whatever little niche i may have had before is gone, or at least expanded to the point that i feel like i've been pushed out. i don't want to make anyone feel bad, so i'm definitely not going to name any names, and again i really don't want to make anyone feel bad or like i'm attacking them. that is not my intention. i am just trying to be honest about what's been going on in my head lately. but i have writer friends who used to mostly/only write smut with little to no plot and are now branching into fics with lots of worldbuilding and plot and little to no smut, and i'm happy for them! i'm glad people are comfortable and confident enough to do that, and i am more than excited to read those things as they're published, genuinely i am. but i feel like that was what i had going for me, what made what i was writing stand out from everything else. and now i feel like i don't have that anymore.

i'm not entirely certain i know where i'm going with this, or what i'm trying to say. but this has been weighing heavy on me for a while. i don't want this to come across as me whining because my stuff hasn't gone viral, or begging/guilting people into reading my works, or anything like that, and i don't want anyone else to feel like i'm upset with them or think that i feel like they don't deserve the attention their works get, or anything like that, because i don't think or feel that way; i'm genuinely so happy that people are exploring things that interest them and are enjoying writing those ideas. i just wish it was working out for me like it's working out for them.

this isn't a post to say i'm quitting writing forever (i don't think i could even if i tried to), and it's not me saying i'm going to delete everything i've posted and disappear, because i'm not going to do either of those things (though i can't say the thought never crosses my mind). I am just struggling to find a reason to keep doing what i'm doing, because my disappointment and frustration with how poorly everything i post here does has now been bleeding into the enjoyment i usually get from writing, and it's making writing feel Very Unpleasant. i don't want to quit but i don't know what to do anymore.

to anyone who does read & interact with my fics, mutuals especially, i will never be able to thank you enough for your support. it seriously means the world to me, and i owe you an eternal debt of gratitude. i love all of you from the bottom of my heart.

if you read this far, thank you for listening to my (probably pointless) rambling, and i'm sorry for taking up so much of your time. i hope life is treating all of you well, and that you're taking care of yourselves as best you can. i love you guys 💜

#fallon rambles #anyways... yeah. sorry. i don't know what i thought this would accomplish #i just felt like i was gonna be sick if i kept this to myself any longer #i really really really don't want anyone to feel like i am attacking them or i'm mad at them or anything like that at all. #i truly am not upset with any of my fellow writers. if i'm upset with anyone i'm upset with audiences #fandom etiquette has just like. died. and it fucking sucks. #to all my moots (writers & not) and loyal readers: i love you all forever and ever and ever. kissing u all on the forehead.

[eli-writes-sometimes]

Eli Writes Sometimes - Updated Intro/Masterpost

Last updated - 23/1/24

UPDATE - I'm on a bit of a writing hiatus, I've been exhausted recently and not had much motivation, so I haven't been writing as much. This blog is now mainly reblogs, but I am hoping to get back into original writing soon when I'm less tired all the time. Thanks for understanding :)

(normal intro below)

Hi! I'm Eli! I write sometimes (as the name would suggest)! I'm trying to be more active here on writblr, so I'm redoing my intro so it's more up to date with what I'm writing now.

About me

My name is Elias, but I go by Eli most of the time

My pronouns are it/he (interchangeable, but please don't just use he/him)

I'm a minor, so please be respectful of that

When not writing, I play the flute and the piccolo

This is the picrew I made my icon with

@ev-enhotterthanyou is the best no 1 fan I could ask for <3

Where to find me

I have a shitpost/fandom blog at @eli-is-an-idiot

Currently planning to upload my stories online somewhere, working on that at the moment, check back soon for an update!

About this blog

As you might have guessed, this is a writblr!

I'm aiming to read and reblog other's writing, as well as posting more of my own original writing

I primarily write fantasy, with a focus on queer characters, found family and magic, as well as stories based on my own experiences

WIPs under the cut

I have a lot of old ideas and rambles about stories on here, so if you see something from a few months ago and don't see it here, I've either given up on it or just not had any ideas for it recently and it felt wrong having it in my intro

Ok with:

Being tagged in tag games - I love these, and I want to try and interact with other people in this community more, so if you want to tag me in anything, please do!

On a similar note, feel free to send me asks or DMs about your WIPs or OCs, or just anything you want to talk about, I'm always happy to listen!

On the other hand, if you want to ask questions about my WIPs, I'd love that :)

Not ok with:

Any kind of hate speech or prejudice

TERFS, transphobes, homophobes, ableists, racists or anyone that doesn't respect other people's existence - unkindly fuck off

Bullying

Entirely NSFW or 18+ blogs (I'm a minor)

Wips and navigation under the cut:

Tags:

There is quite a noticeable pattern in my tags, if you couldn't tell

General writing things - #eli writes sometimes

Things that don't include my writing (including games) - #eli doesnt write sometimes

Tag games - #eli tags sometimes

Ask games - #eli answers sometimes

Art - #eli arts sometimes

Reading- #eli reads sometimes

Each WIP has its own specific tag

WIPs:

I have a lot of old, dead or on-hiatus WIPs, so if you see anything about God of Chaos, Face the Music, For All In-Tents and Purposes or Jason King's Guide to the Supernatural, then those are all old stories of mine that I do want to go back to someday, but these are my main ones:

The Princess, the Pauper, and the Pirate

My main WIP, currently working on it the most and doing a nanowrimo-like challenge where I try to write 50000 words in three months rather than one

Three strangers. Three stories.  When Kai, Vera, and Rune’s paths cross in the middle of the forest, the three of them share stories and swear to help each other, come what may, as allies in a world out to get them. Together, they face everything from pirates to cruel parents, and work to try and take down the system that stacked the cards against them from the start.  Will they succeed, or will they be crushed like everyone else? 

Intro post HERE

Genre - High fantasy

Status - First draft

Specific WIP tag - #wip ppp

Face the Music

My NaNo WIP, I hit 50K and then immediately started working on something else, so there will be stuff about it, but not as much as PPP

When Miles Baldwin, a quiet kid who keeps to himself, is sent to a three-week long music camp, it sounds like a death sentence. But as he meets new friends, including trans boy Finn who is loud and proud about his identity, he starts to come around, even beginning to question his own gender. Irritatingly, not everyone is as open to change as Miles and his friends, and as the music swells and tension builds before the final concert, can Miles come to terms with his identity without falling victim to the bigoted nature of his fellow players?

intro post HERE

Status - First draft

Specific WIP tag - #face the music (I also used #eli does nano 2023 for other nano stuff)

Superlosers

Four roommates, each with a unique power, each with their own set of wildly different personalities. They barely know each other, the rent is due, and an egomaniacal villain is threatening to destroy everything they hold dear - and only they seem to care or want to do anything about it. For the sake of the world, let's hope they can get their priorities straight.

Intro post HERE

Genre - Urban fantasy

Specific WIP tag - #superlosers

The Remnants of Shadows

When beloved Alya Maxwell, renowned pillar of the small community of Blackburn, disappears with only shadows swarming around her house to give any idea of her fate, no one really seems to care, giving up on her as a lost cause.  But two teenagers, both from totally different background and both with their separate reasons for trusting her, don’t accept this, and they begin to dig into what really happened. But when old, buried secrets begin to emerge, how far will any of them go for the truth?

Intro post HERE

Genre - Fantasy

Status - First draft/having a crisis over the plot

Specific WIP tag - #wip tros

That's all for now, thanks for bothering to read this far :)

#eli doesnt write sometimes #intro #writblr intro #writing community #new pinned post lets go

[positivityforlesbians]

I think I'm a lesbian but I'm dealing with both internalized homophobia and misogyny. I keep making excuses like "everyone feels sexually attracted by their same-sex bestie when they're 14" "feminism has brainwashed you to the point you don't even see men as people anymore but you can actually be attracted to them (and you're supposed to) if you try hard enough or if you wait for the right one". It's like I've accepted I am a lesbian but I'm constantly thinking that it is a phase or that it isn't natural, I wasn't born this way this is simply a result of some environmentally determined product that affected me somewhere in my psysexual development (and thus it is a problem that needs to fixed). To clear my doubts, I have Googled "is homosexuality culturally/ environmentally determined?" But thanks to liberal feminism and queer studies everything is all over the place and they don't even describe homosexuality as same-sex attraction but same-gender attraction (which is in itself so inconsistent it doesn't even make sense), and they're like "uMHH actually, homosexuality IS culturally dependant and also even if you've never been attracted to the female sex you can still be a lesbian because anyone can be a lesbian now" like how does this help anyone?? I am legitimately suffering and these idiots treat it like it is some sort of joke with no real life consequences. And I don't know what to believe anymore, how can I believe that I'm not broken or mentally deviated if all I hear equally from conservative and liberal spaces is that homosexuality is mentally deviant and an illness and a changeable fact that I just need to work on? I feel so dirty and ashamed and I hate this and I don't know what to do or how to deal with this.

Sorry this is rambly I have no place to talk about this and even talking about it scares me I don't want to live like this i just wish I were straight.

This was so far away in my unanswered asks, if you read this I'm sorry anon. Equally because of the homophobia you describe here and because it's been several months since you took the time to write this and I didn't have the time myself to answer it then forgot it.

Second-guessing ourselves times and times again is definitely exhausting but very common in a society that is still so heteronormative, especially when you're young. You're aware of your own internalised homophobia, of the fact that you're not accepting your sexual orientation right now, that already is a step in the right direction. To continue though you have to listen to those who won't make you feel like a mistake, who won't make you feel like this was all a choice of yours either, and I know this is easier said than done as these people are so numerous now but please protect yourself, your own sanity. I'm available to talk in direct messages if you're dealing with internalized lesbophobia and need a good system of lesbians (online) to make you feel at home with who you are, finally. You didn't become a lesbian and in the same logic you cannot "go back" or be straight, none of your attempts would be successful and any lesbian who tried it out of despair can tell you that. You're not dirty, you're normal and worthy of love anon. Take that anger you have against yourself and turn it completely against homophobes, for they are the ones who created that confusion and chaos in you. Take care and don't forget that you're not alone. Reach out to your people. ❤️

#anonymous #my answers #lesbian safe #internalized lesbophobia #lesbian advices #mental health

[srebrnafh]

The girl is sitting on a bus stop bench when he approaches. She doesn't look up - or rather, she glances, but never meets his eyes.

Ah.

"May I sit?"

She nods, still watching the ground intently.

He hates silence, but the battery in his phone is nearly dead, so he can't listen to the music. And everything around them is deadly silent.

"Do you... do you know when the bus could be coming?"

She cocks her head to one side.

"Anytime in the next fifteen minutes, I suppose. They are always a little late, or a little early."

"Ah. So you... you know... I mean..."

"I've been on this bus stop often enough, yes."

"Ah."

It's not a place people visit that late - not if they can avoid it. After all, the old cemetery is not exactly the height of entertainment for anyone in town.

"Your... Your folks down here?"

She licks her lips - nervously?

"My grandma," she says finally. "And... well, others."

He nods, slowly.

"My parents. And my brother," he explains. "They preferred this spot to the new one by the church. Something about the atmosphere of the place. What do they care for atmosphere though? And I... Sorry, I'm rambling."

She shakes her head. Soft curls are slow to drop back in place. She is shivering - a bit. Even though it's such a warm evening.

"It's better to hear someone," she says suddenly. "I mean, rather than sit here and wait. It's so... away."

"It is. That's why I'm here so late, went to clean up the graves somewhat. The anniversary was yesterday, but I couldn't get our of the office early enough..." he trails off, but she nods again.

"I'd rather be near people," she whispers. "It is so weird being out here. I can't... I always hated coming here. When I was a kid."

"Family grave then?"

She nods with a grimace.

"A big one," she gestures. Her hands are so slight they might as well be translucent. "A lot of marble to clean."

"One of these huge statement ones?"

"Our family is so rich we can waste a slab of marble for a grave," she mumbles. "Yes, that kind of thing."

"They told you to help?"

"Not really. Even told me to never try to come here by myself, actually. But then, I never would, unless I had to. When I came... I had to stop believing she was still alive."

"Ah, I see..."

She sighs, heavily, so heavily for such a thin pair of shoulders.

"I... when I was small, I always though she just got lost. I believed it for months and months. Until they took me here and made me read the inscription," she whispered. "They made me finally believe Nana was gone, and not just... forgot where the house was."

"That's a cruel thing to do to a child, but then, if you kept hoping, it might have turned into a delusion... Maybe they were afraid you'd start..."

He bites his lip. What is he doing, playing a psychoanalyst with a girl who apparently can't cope with grief too well? How old is she, twenty? Twenty one? Not that much younger than him, probably, but seems to be as frail as an alabaster-cut flower decorating some of the biggest, most decorative gravestones.

"Having visions? Yeah, that's what the doctors said. Told them to prove to me that Nana was dead and that I'd be "cured" of the delusion... In the end they managed to just stop me staring everyone in the face. They said I made people uncomfortable in the streets. But I was just looking for Nana. Just in case..." she trails off and wipes her cheek. "I never stopped looking for her. Just... just in case."

A car whips by them. The girl curls in on herself.

"And now you don't look at anyone? At all?"

She shrugs, the tip of her worn shoe digging into the dirt.

"I know it doesn't make sense, now," she says finally. Her throat must be so tight, she's so quiet.

"You know she's dead, now."

She nods, slowly.

Swallows.

"But, you know, I hoped, even if they didn't understand that with Nana, that they would be looking for me," she says, her voice like dry leaves moving with the wind. "Because it seems... I feel I'm lost and can't remember how to get home anymore, you see. But they never come here. They just never do."

#original writing #oneshot #short story #srebrna writes

[enasallavellan]

So guys, I kinda want to talk about things going on. It's something I feel really weird talking about it too much with people I see IRL so I decided to talk about here - kind of want to talk about it with someone that isn't my husband or therapist.

Check the trigger warnings in tags if you're unsure. Don't worry, I'm not in any danger or anything like that.

So, I had a miscarriage.

I was only 8 weeks along and it was decided I didn't need anything sort of treatment other than wait for my body to 'purge' all the stuff that had already formed.

And yeah, the word 'purge' was used.

I'm really struggling with it. I've always wanted a child but I've known for awhile that I might have trouble getting pregnant and it seems so unfair. I was so excited when I found out - it was like a dream come true. Then I started bleeding and when we went to the ER I was told I had miscarried.

So for three short weeks I had this hope and then it was just ripped away.

And honestly? I feel incredibly stupid for being so upset about this - about grieving all the this. I mean, let's he honest at that point it was just a bundle of cells. There wasn't even enough of anything to bury or cremate and as I type this it strikes me how stupid *that* desire is. I mean - just cells. I very well could have not even know anything was there.

But I'm struggling to deal with it so much. I'm managing to keep doing my job and my life in some sort of semblance of functional but trust me it ain't easy.

And the idea that it's my fault keeps creeping in. For the weeks I didn't know I went to a wedding where during the after-party there was alcohol and marijuana galore. It's by no means my normal amount of consumption of this stuff - I'll smoke pot and drink every so often, but it tends to be more social. And all I can think about is if I hadn't done that would everything have been okay.

And my therapist - who I want to say is amazing, best therapist I've ever had. And I've always preferred male therapist for reasons I'm not even sure of. But at the same time, it feels weird talking to him about it. He's great about it and has been working really hard with me to get through his, but it still seems strange and awkward.

And then the guilt coming with wanting to complain about this and it just being *too* small of a thing compared to stuff that other people are going though. I mean 'i thought I was pregnant for three weeks so it really wasn't that big of a deal' keeps popping into my head. Like am I really making this out to be more than it is? I hadn't told anyone but my husband about it. I hadn't thought what she might look like. I hadn't felt her move or bought clothes and furniture. I just knew it existed.

And I am *so* depressed right now I had my husband hide all the medications in the house and take my car keys. I don't think I'm to that point yet but the only other time I've felt this ruined was before I started thinking suicidal thoughts and was sent to a treatment center for twoish months. And that worries me that I'm so close to where I was.

Don't worry, my husband is watching me and I'm not allowed to be alone until this passes. I'm fully confident I will come out of this but it's taking a stupid amount of time and energy compared to what it is.

So yeah, this is probably rambly and insane but that's it. Thought it would feel good to get it off my chest.

Okay. I think that's most of my thoughts. Sorry if this was hard to ready or confusing.

And if you're reading?

Thanks for listening.

Love y'all

-Lacy

#tw miscarriage #lacy explains it all #tw depression #tw suicide #tw suicide mention

[amethyste-7urquoise]

Lovely Drarry (2/2)

Draco stared at Harry with wide eyes, unsure of how to react to what the dark-haired man had just said. He looked around, wondering if this was a bad joke. After all, Draco was doing him a lot of dirty tricks, so it could very well be revenge. But even when he looked around, he didn't see anyone, it was just the two of them. He refocused on Harry, who was waiting for his answer, genuinely stressed, and he noticed. Unlike him, Harry was a real open book when it came to his emotions, he was almost adorable at times.

"And can I at least know why?" Draco asked perhaps too aggressively.

"To be honest, it's for several reasons…" The Gryffindor thought about the words, then began to speak again after taking a deep breath. "Actually… I'm sick of hating you, I'm sick of being teased, picked on, harassed and that's even for my friends… I don't even know why you're being like this with us and if it's really just for the fact that I didn't shake your hand in first year then I'm going to tell you honestly, I think it's a lousy reaction… And also, I've been watching you…"

Draco was starting to get a sneer of a mocking smile on his lips, ready to retaliate in a scathing manner but he stopped when he heard the last sentence of his Nemesis. He looked up at him, urging him to continue.

"I've been watching you and I've noticed a lot of things that made me question everything I thought about you… I've noticed that you help others, not just your comrades, in a discreet way so that no one would catch you helping them… You are full of benevolence but you hide it behind a huge shell. I also noticed a lot of your personality which I find sincerely interesting, we have common points on certain things. So yes, I would like to learn more about you and I think our friendship could be really good. You're a good person Draco…"

The blond tickeled at the last sentence again as well as at the use of his first name which touched him. He remained silent, inwardly weighing the pros and cons of this potential future friendship. He finally spoke, with no animosity.

"You want to know why I'm doing all this to you?… I'm doing all this shit to you because… I'm jealous of your friends and especially of you. And you piss me off. You piss me off because you have a perfect life and yet you manage to complain about it, it's a real talent of yours. So yes, you lost your parents to Voldemort and you have a good scar now but that's really the only uncool thing that happened to you, but the rest is perfect!… I really wish I was you… Harry."

The dark-haired man listened carefully before smiling slightly at him. He smiled to reassure him, as if to let him know that he heard and understood his thoughts. He also smiled at the fact that it was crazy how little they actually knew each other.

After that, the two boys talked about their lives to better understand each other. And little by little, their discussions rambled on about many different things, asking sometimes awkward questions to get to know each other better, and they saw that they did indeed have a lot in common. This discussion seemed lunar to them, neither of them would ever have thought that they could have discussed like this without ending up killing each other.

Then, as the days went by, they would come to the same place to continue talking, spending hours without even realizing it. The friendship in question formed very quickly, but it changed just as quickly into love. They admitted it after several months, that evening, hiding in the room on request, where they did not let go of each other's eyes, as if the one who looked down would die.

They were true soul mates, but they would learn to understand that in time.

(END)

#harry potter #hp fandom #drarry #hogwarts #soul mates #true love #lovely #2/2 #sorry for my english #harry x draco #draco top #harry bottom #secret relationship #end