#im saying that the people spending money on tumblr are doing a good job | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

obeiii-mee · 3 years

Note

Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!

——————————-

This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)

——————————-

The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:

Lucifer:

-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived

-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable

-Not to mention all the treatment you would require

-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there

-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake

-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair

-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house

-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs

-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year

-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis

-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)

-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break

-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom

-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you

-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you

-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case

-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears

-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you

-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back

-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare

-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha

-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay

-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need

-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol

Mammon:

-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first

-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he��s stuck babysitting you stupid human

-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”

-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that

-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for

-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?

-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though

-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around

-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN

-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it

-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am

-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions

-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:

-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”

-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh

-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs

-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad

-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”

-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too

-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving

-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad

-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”

-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones

-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often

Levi:

-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom

-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year

-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot

-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often

-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you

-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him

-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”

-“The answer is no Leviathan.”

-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“

-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around

-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all

-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch

-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him

-Usually left out by other people, ignored even

-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself

-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking

-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’

-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)

-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !

-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven

-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings’ endless and dangerous shenanigans

-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being

-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure

-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol

-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it

-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-

-OK Levi, sit back down

-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything

-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room

-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe

Satan:

-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense

-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)

-He’s a smart boy, alright?

-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you

-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get

-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰

-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way

-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)

-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help

-But in a subtle way...?

-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside

-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here

-He wants to know how your wheelchair works

-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before

-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself

-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like

-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon

-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain

-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish

-But when others purposefully try harming you?

-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage

-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings

-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything

-You’re strong and he knows this

-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you

-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing

Asmo:

-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life

-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way

-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time

-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around

-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual

-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get

-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go

-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously

-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you

-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together

-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”

-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes

-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room

-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day

-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times

-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not

-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life

-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries

-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career

-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)

-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(

Beel:

-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances

-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is

-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius

-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?

-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around

-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(

-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way

-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so

-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best

-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him

-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help

-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’

-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most

-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”

-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound

-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt

-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do

-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough

-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times

-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself

-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation

-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair

-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what

Belphie:

-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak

-It didn’t matter that you had a disability

-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him

-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first

-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs

-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all

-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby

-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer

-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you

-Do not let him push you around

-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls

-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off

-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that

-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole

-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him

-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not

-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer

-But he doesn’t care

-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there

-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD

-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over

-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”

-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”

-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often

-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house

-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌

———————————

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #om #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #paraplegia #⭐️ requests #🕯 general #☂️ demon brothers

186 notes · View notes

smileysuh · 3 years

Note

Innocent question please don't take it the wrong way but why would you have to delete your tumblr it's free?

hi! so basically, and this is gonna be a long ass answer, i started writing fanfic when i was 12 as a way to get validation because i was living in a home where i was receiving nowhere near as much love as i needed, and i found the support online that i could never find in my own house

so over the past 10 years, i've become addicted to tumblr. i work my ass off to post fic after fic after fic to have a constant stream of compliments to fuel me because i am SO depressed and nice tumblr reblogs and comments are sometimes the only things keeping me going-

but then i burn myself out, and i work work work work- but there's no actual profit from it- so i tire myself out and then everyone is like, but you made no money so you didnt work so dont do that and go get a 'REAL' job (which, as i've said, is impossible at the moment)

so basically: i'm addicted to writing on tumblr and reciving praise for it because i never had enough growing up

but as a neurodivergent, mental health issued 22 year old who just graduated- i see that this is not sustainable anymore.

i used to be able to write a bunch of fics while in school and it wouldnt matter cuz i was in school and things were paid for by my family- then i graduated and it was like 'bye bye support :)' and all of the sudden i was faced with the reality that i am unable to keep a job AND tumblr because i treat tumblr like it's a job.

the only option left was to try to monetize my tumblr with crowd funding- and i've been trying with multiple ways, but i think the pay per view thing might work best-

but yeah, like, ya'll know im a writing machine. i CAN put out a fuck ton of fics and i want to be that creator that can do that for you guys- but i can no longer do that without the monetary support. the good thing is, crowd funding works because it's like $1 from thousand of people as opposed to a few people paying a lot for something like a commission (cuz i was looking at commission prices, and while reasonable for the time i spend, it's not realistic for most people to be able to afford a frat fic for 45$, but if you're all like 'yeah nova, we'll give you 1$ for that' i can actually have some fuel you know? :)

a looong way of saying basically that as long as i have tumblr i will be addicted to posting and receiving praise, and i cant continue giving giving giving here while in my real life im slowly dying every day asjkajksaj

11 notes · View notes

hamliet · 3 years

Note

when does a relationship become queerbaiting? theres a book that i really like and the 2 male leads characters have a lot of storylines and arcs where they get closer and i think some of the tropes used can be similar to the typical romantic tropes, neither of them end up with anyone at the end of the story since its more about found family and the long journey the whole cast goes through. they even get shipped by another character as a running gag. personally i always saw it as being open to interpretation but recently the revised edition of the original novel came out and there were several lines those 2 characters had about each other that were kinda toned down, i didnt think much of it but i saw a post about how it was clearly baiting and the author was being homophobic for toning it down. i didnt think it counted as baiting since as far as i know, the novel was never advertised as anything with romance and the author never pretended they were gonna end up together. i am definitely a little weirded out by the decision to change those specific lines but a lot of the story stayed the same, including a lot about their relationship so idk what to think.

i guess im more confused on if it counts as baiting, or even substext??

Sooooo I am not the best person to ask about this, because I’m a cis woman who has thus far in life only been attracted in a romantic sense to cis men. I can talk a bit about baiting as a general concept in fiction, but you should definitely take it with some grains of salt.

Baiting, for me, is like deliberately playing up an aspect writers have no intention on delivering on. Usually this is done for ratings, to tease fans, fanservice, etc, but without payoff, it is just bad writing. Red herrings are good in writing, but only can be successfully used if the actual result is more satisfying than the herring. This applies to writing in general, not just to romantic ships. However, when the baiting involves historically underrepresented groups for no reason other than to get fans to spend money consuming the story, I think we can all agree that becomes something more grotesque than just bad writing: it’s insensitive, socially irresponsible, frankly hurtful.

Some common examples are Bridgerton which has a gay character, who is extremely minor, yet they played up this character in advertising. Also, Rizzoli and Isles I think actually had its producers mention deliberately playing up the lesbian subtext to hook the audience without ever intending on following through.

That said, context also matters. Like, there are aspects of the culture of the work’s author, the target audience, and such that come into play here also (so like, romantic tropes differ by culture. For example, enemies to lovers is common in Asian stories but less in the west, and the “girl who pursues a guy” is extremely common in Japanese shonen in particular, while it is very much a cringe trope that almost never results in romance in American fiction. So if a writer reads, say, tropes that are common in America into a Japanese work and says it’s baiting, that’s quite possibly not the intent even if it may have been the experience of the reader. So even if there was no intent, there can still be hurt, and that hurt can be real, if that makes sense.

The definition of what constitutes ‘baiting’ varies. I do think that, in true Tumblr fashion, the term gets thrown around a lot and loses its intended meaning, or is so rigidly defined that creators can meet the letter of the “not a bait” requirement while ignoring the spirit of it.

To start with the latter: regarding something hitting the letter of what most wouldn’t consider baiting yet not really the spirit, let’s look at The Rise of Skywalker. This movie had a genuine lesbian kiss in it... between two characters we’d never seen more than a glimpse of while others are celebrating around them. Since it has a kiss, it’s not baiting, right? Well... the director deliberately said in the lead-up to the film that he included it because he “wanted LGBT people to see themselves in the film.” If “see yourselves in the film” is like a nanosecond of background, then, like... idk. Baiting or not, it feels icky, and I know some people consider it baiting and some don’t even if they don’t like, love that representation. But I think this is more queerbaiting than like, Nobara and Maki, who don’t have explicit romantic coding.

Going back to the former, in terms of ‘queerbaiting’ losing its intended meaning... I think there are a lot of really poorly written romantic ships out there, often het, while a lot of same-gender relationships are really well written regardless of whether there’s romantic coding within the text. The main emotional energy in stories with 90% male characters (as frankly many if not most stories are, great job world) is probably between two men. There’s just so much more potential with well-written characters who share a lot of screen time, so of course people are going to ship them. In my opinion, this does not inherently make it baiting, but it certainly creates an environment that lends itself to baiting even if the writers aren’t intending to do this.

Like, you could say the main emotional energy in BNHA is Bakugou and Deku. However, Bakudeku is 100% not queerbaiting. It’ll never be canon romantically (I don’t even ship it lol). There has been nothing to imply romance between them even if the main emotional message can be seen in their development. Deku/Ochaco is likely to be canon, but there is a significant lack of genuine emotional energy between them (the story’s plots and themes don’t coalesce around their relationship), so it’s probably going to feel forced. In contrast, Naruto/Sasuke had an actual kiss in canon, which while played for laughs is a lot more direct romantic coding than anything between Bakugou/Deku. I actually don’t think the majority of Narusasu is baiting, but I definitely think that one moment in chapter like 3 was really poor fanservice for yaoi fans, and has not aged well at all.

It is also the case that fans can confuse headcanons with what is actually in the text, and that just never ends well. For example, Clover and Qrow’s ship in RWBY: a lot of people read Clover as gay, which led to “bury your gays” outrage when he died. A member of the crew stated explicitly they had never intended for Clover to be a love interest for Qrow, and truthfully here was nothing strictly romantic in their relationship--nothing like a kiss or a declaration of love or a parallel to another romantic couple. Hence, I don’t personally consider it queerbaiting or bury your gays, but a lot of fans felt that it was and their pain is legitimate even if I think textually the argument isn’t there. The one thing I do think is true about this in particular is that there was also no strict platonic coding, which encourages headcanons. Clear writing, yo. It can help.

Note the word “can” not “will,” because strict platonic coding doesn’t always fix things, either. In what was probably a reaction to the outrage over Clover’s death, you had extremely blatant platonic coding of Ruby and Penny’s relationship this season leading up to Penny’s death. Ruby refers to Penny as “our friend” three different times, wherein “friend” sends a platonic message and “our” sends an even stronger message that it’s not about the two of them despite the fact that their friendship is one of the sweetest and most interesting in the show. A lingering Ruby-Penny hug then is followed by a lingering Penny-Weiss hug, then Yang, then Blake, etc. The writers went out of their way to hit people over the head with “platonic” and yet they have still gotten accusations of bury your gays and queerbaiting because people will see what they want to see in a story.

Seeing what you want to see in a story also isn’t inherently bad. People who are underrepresented are going to have to read themselves into stories because Lord knows writers ain’t incorporating them well enough if at all. It’s why “Mary Sues” are common in fanfiction, which is primarily written by people who are not straight white men: because where the hell else are we to see ourselves in fiction? So essentially the macrocosm of culture creates this problem, both in terms of baiting and the misuse of the term, and the only fix is a shit ton more good representation.

#ask hamliet #writing stuff #Anonymous

24 notes · View notes

blackrabbit-megapig · 2 years

Note

Hey i know this is super random but could you talk a bit about why you did not like dark rise? i was about to buy it when i saw your reply to an old post and now im like... very curious. money's tight rn and i dont want to spend it on a book that might disappoint me :(((

Hello,,,

I would like to apologize in advance if this response feels a bit off. I haven't communicated with anyone via Tumblr for a good long while. Hence, I just noticed this question sitting in my DMs. Again, sorry!

You asked about Dark Rise. I want to be fair to C.S. Pacat because I like her and I think her stories can be fun. However, Dark Rise... just wasn't my thing.

I'll start with the characters by saying that I didn't particularly care about any of them. Pacat introduces a large number of characters right off the bat but doesn't really give the reader time to become attached before she starts killing them off. The book shifts POV chapter to chapter, but even that doesn't rectify this problem. In fact, there's a character that felt like they only existed just to be a mouthpiece for the plot, listing off exposition when necessary before he's killed rather abruptly.

The main character, Will, is rather bland in my opinion, and doesn't fit the great, tragic destiny that's bestowed upon him. In the last two (?) chapters, he goes nearly full Sauron and it feels weirdly out of character. Maybe his development in the next two books will flesh him out for the better, but I don't believe Pacat did a good job of setting him up.

I will not speak on James. I liked James. Pacat certainly liked James. Will DEFINITELY liked James. James probably has the most potential for a good, satisfying character arc out of everyone in this series. However, the way he's written makes it seem like Pacat only really knows how to do ONE archetype of character with a compelling backstory. That's why I agreed that her fixation on bitchy, slightly cruel blond men is starting to feel off. It's very much giving one-trick pony.

The pacing was also an issue for me. The training the characters go through happens so fast, and then people just start dropping like flies. Everything about the world is given to you before the second half of the book and gives you zero opportunity to discover and speculate. Will's full descent into his villain arc feels like it should've happened later than it does. I don't think we should've discovered his true heritage in the first book, nor do I believe that we should've learned the truth of his parentage as early as we do.

I know this setup exists probably to cut the fat and get to the meat of the story, but it makes everything feel so rushed and sudden in the last half. What's the point of a good fantasy story if you don't slow down and bask in the world you've created? It doesn't have to be go-go-go from start to finish!

Now, my ultimate beef with this book: the world-building. Look, the math isn't math-ing in my head and despite having this premise of taking place years after this great, magical war, the world feels so...empty? I know people make the joke that if a fantasy novel gives you a map at the beginning of the book, then you know it's going to be good. Dark Rise is not that book. If anything, the map makes the story even more confusing and disappointing. Characters hop around the map like it's nothing, arriving at destinations within sentences. As I said, why was Pacat rushing? Why didn't she take any time to flesh the universe out?

There's randomly this whole lore piece about unicorns that only exists to explain ONE character and one scene. Now, I wouldn't have an issue with this if it didn't feel so janky and bloated.

I've been pulled through the high fantasy genre's asshole so many times that I've become accustomed to a certain level of finesse. I expect so much effort to be put into world-building because I figure that if you're going to tell this epic tale with fantasy creatures and magic and all this really cool stuff, why wouldn't you spend the time to make sure that all of it makes sense? Why wouldn't you make sure that locations and creatures and people feel tangible? I know that Pacat did the best she could with this first book, but it reads like so much of the world is missing. Dark Rise's world-building feels like it was created after the premise of the story was drafted out rather than the other way around. It feels like this world only exists to tell this specific story rather than existing as a setting where these characters and events could just so happen to exist and occur.

Even the made-up ancient language is baffling and makes me want to grind my teeth. I don't know if it's based on an actual language, but Pacat didn't do it justice.

As I said, this book just wasn't for me. I think it might have something to do with me going into it with high expectations and all these ideas about what a good fantasy novel should be, but my opinion is my opinion. I'm an adult now, and YA fantasy is a genre that I think is starting to just feel too juvenile for me in general.

I will say that if you're into cliche, chosen one narrative YA novels, this book is certainly for you.

Also, if money is an issue, I will say that there are ways of getting ahold of free ebooks online without surrendering your computer to malware. You can also download those books onto a Kindle now (who knew?! Not me!). I just checked a certain website and Dark Rise is on it. I'm not saying I'm explicitly endorsing pirating books, but it is an option you can consider until you're in a financial situation where you can start buying books again.

Hope this helps!

EDIT: I came back to this and added some non-spoiler examples for the points that I was trying to make. Please take my opinions with a grain of salt and read whatever books are interesting to you and make you happy!

#Dark Rise #asks #books #thoughts #jarshi speaks

2 notes · View notes

movie-guy49 · 3 years

Text

Hey everyone,

The subject of this week's blog and yes I know I'm two days late but believe me this is going to be well worth it especially to the men out there here on Tumblr the ones that are single let me ask you a question have you been talking to women lately that seem a little peculiar to you they say they miss you they love you all this and that and you've only talk to them like once or twice you ask for their phone number they avoid it completely or they just make a big excuse why they can't give it to you asked to go meet them they don't that they say okay fine come you know you give an address and then you completely gets stood up because they just don't show this is an MO or otherwise known as a method of operation for these women sometimes it even as much as the first conversation or the third they will start telling you start giving you a sob story like I'm having to come out here from another country or I'm having to move to this state because I'm having to take care of sick relatives or they don't have no food or anything like that and if they want to meet if you want to meet them you have to give them gas money and no that's part of the scam then they start asking for things like gift cards $20 $40 $100 gift cards some drnominations don't even exist on some of the gift cards Google Play and steam gift cards are the most common if you have fallen prey to these women and I have twice and I'm glad I did because that was money well spent because I got to learn all kinds of shit from these people and then I'm giving you all that I have right now here are some of the red flags that show up during these conversations:

1. Their language is all wrong they'll say things like instead of saying like what did you have for breakfast to say did you take breakfast or they'll say something to the fact of their grammar being so messed up you have to like think about it before you understand what the're trying to tell you some of these women are coming from Russia some of them are from Africa some of them are from Mexico and they are all here in the United States typically in the states of the Northeast New York New Jersey there are some out west in California there are a few here in Texas and there are some just scattered everywhere.

2. They start telling you they need food but they need you to get them a $40 $50 or $100 or whatever it is gift card most commonly known as Google play or Steam do not do it because what they're doing is is they're taking the cards and selling them on the black market or on these websites that operate and they are turning in for money they're getting less than what they're supposed to get so that's why you have to give more to cover what they're not getting

3. They start asking you questions like your bank account they want you logging information do not give it to them their social security number they want to verify you through ID me id.me is legit so that would be fine except the safer way for you to do it is go ahead and go on id.me and do your own verification that way you don't have to give them nothing the less information they have on you the more likely they're going to just pass you up.

4. They ask you who you're with your cell phone number is and who your mobile carrier is this is to put you in on dating sites and for them to subscribe you to advertising that they get money for okay this is a different type of identity theft ring it is identity theft to a point but they're not using the information necessarily against you they're not even really taking a lot of money out of people's bank accounts they're only taking money out of the bank accounts that they can't get any money other ways so that's why I said do not give them anything.

5. Do not confront them either because they will always deny that they are scamming you they do that so that way they can bring you in closer to them so they can get your trust.

6. When you ask where they work and stuff besides are the probably going to tell you there they either don't have a job or it's some kind of job that's actually ridiculous for them to have they're not good liars folks they really are not you just got to learn this read between the lines with these people and like I said the biggest clue right there is the language you know things that should be plural or not plural things that are misspelled or misspelled badly the wording is confusing and I think I already said this once.

7. Always remember guys if it is too good to be true it probably is.

8. If they ask for your bank account information for the purpose of depositing money they will deposit money into your account but then they will take it and more if they tell you you can spend some of it do not touch it because that's how they get people just don't touch it call your bank tell them what's going on they will close your account and they will inevitably beginning investigation and once that happens everything they will be frozen you will not be able to have access to nothing unfortunately by extra step go to the police department I mean I know this part is going to be a waste of time because they're not going to be able to get your money back but at least let them know so that way there's some record of it.

9. Screenshot everything write everything down take notes even if you are in the middle of one of these conversations now go back as far as you can from the beginning tell you know screenshot your conversation if you need to that's fine but this is got to stop guys and we're the only ones who can fight back the FBI will help you know they they can do the Justice part they can they can make the arrest and go to court and everything but they can't do it without our help.

10. Now I will be turning people in in groups of five or more that's why I said turn the information into me as soon as I get five or six people together I will go turn them in I do have a contact there and he told me just to wait to have that many just because it would just be easier to just do them all at once so just one by one by one by one

So now you know what is going on so how you stop it that's very easy you do one thing and one thing only you make a decision and you stand by it you stand your ground you do not weaken your position at all do not show that you're weak do not give them even an inch because if you give them an inch they will not just take a mile they will take a whole football field and then they're going to tighten the grip on you and then you can't get out if you're in this position Now message me immediately and let me know and I will give you I will give you instructions this blog this this post I will I am asking everybody who reads it's please please reblog this over and over and over and over again I don't care how many times this has got to get out cuz this is very serious so far these women just in the past two and a half years have gotten over a hundred million dollars from Men 100 million definitely more than a price of a cup of coffee in the guys and the thing is it could have all been prevented.

Now for the fun part things that I have tried and has worked to oeel these women off your back besides Im no of course.

1. If you should give them your PIN number or you already have tell them that you had to get that you received a piece of software from your bank or whatever you want to lie to them if you got to every time they use the PIN code a new one is put in its place at random only you know what the new PIN code is going to be because it's going to be email to you if they ask to see proof of the emails tell them that's classified you can't show that just doesn't allow you to screenshot it because Android phones I know especially I'm pretty sure probably the same as iPhones you cannot screenshot certain screens especially on banking apps or anything has to do with money I sensitive information

2. Okay if you've given them your bank account info or your PIN number already tell them that you got notification from your bank that to be safe they're charging you an extra save $5 for the purpose of enrolling you in a new service that will automatically change your PIN number every time you use it or if you want to you you can tell him that you came across the piece of software on the internet that does the exact same thing I just told you about whichever it doesn't matter this will make them back off of you a lot because then they know that you're on to them they'll start not talking to you like they were or they'll say you know they'll be in a conversation just leave get offline you know because they know that you're on to them and they're panicking they don't know what to do so they have to call their boss to find out what to do and he has given them no answer no we do not know who the boss is by the way or where this is all being based out of I will tell you also that.

3. Okay I'm sure you're probably wondering who all these women are not 100% sure but most likely they probably were kidnapped at some point in time brainwashed and part of a human trafficking ring or a sexual tracking trafficking ring before they ended up doing this they probably don't even know who they really are but yet they managed to play in the end you know with our society because you know our society is pretty much stupid in itself I'm sorry guys but it's true and I count myself apart that

I don't think I have forgotten anything else like I said be vigilant Be watchful and do not lose your ground make a decision you stay with it cuz otherwise you're just going to put more money in their pockets I mean it's very possible that you know you know they figure well we're on to them so they're going to go ahead and just give up and close shop and move on to the next country you guys some of you I know work very hard for your money now I'm not sure if men are doing this to women or not but for you ladies if there is anything like this the same the same thing applies I mean I don't see why there are in any man involved or probably should be.

Finally it took a lot for me to admit what I admitted to you tonight I'm not very proud of what I did I'm not very proud of the fact that I let somebody well actually left2 somebody's get by me I'm usually pretty smart but that's how they operate and I will tell you tonight I have a possible number six so I don't know if number six will turn out or not she's doing a lot of the same things but she's been taking more of an actual normal approach as to the relationship part of it I'm not letting myself get involved you know emotionally or anything I'm just kind of just playing a role right now and she's not getting any money from me so I will keep you updated on that like I said anybody guys I don't care who you are I will not ask questions I will not judge please help me get these people may we may not get them all but hell we can at least put a big big enough Dent and shut down and they'll leave but we got to act quickly and we got to keep acting quickly hell I would say it's pretty ballsy if you go decide to go ahead and start seeking them out just to get them I mean you can do that if you wish unfortunately there's no reward or no money being paid but you know you are kind of owe it to your fellow neighbor your fellow just your fellow person you fellow man all right you guys good luck you got a lot of work ahead of us y'all have a great week and I'll update you as I get more information if you have any questions do not please do not hesitate to ask if I don't have the answer I will contact my person at the FBI and he will answer them for me and I will get back to you as soon as possible thank you guys have a great week.

11 notes · View notes

inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 4 years

Text

But You Can Never Leave [Chapter 13: Paper And Ink]

A/N: Can I just take a second to say how happy I am to see all of your reactions to my little fic?! I have never been a super popular writer on Tumblr but I like to think that I have some of the cleverest, kindest, most thoughtful readers around. Your support for and emotional investment in my stories makes me so, so, so happy. Please enjoy this latest chapter...it’s the longest one yet! 💜

Also, MAJOR shout out to @writerxinthedark and her constant insanely astute observations!! Girl, I’m shook. Do you have ESP or what...? 👀

Chapter summary: Roger tries to reach a compromise, John tries to offer solace, Chrissie tries out some retro science, Y/N tries to process some alarming new information.

This series is a work of fiction, and is (very) loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

Song inspiration: Hotel California by The Eagles.

Chapter warnings: Language! Discussion of substance abuse! Babies! Drama! Angst!!!

Chapter list (and all my writing) available HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii @loveandbeloved29 @maggieroseevans @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark @im-an-adult-ish @queenlover05 @someforeigntragedy @imtheinvisiblequeen @joemazzmatazz @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye @namelesslosers @inthegardensofourminds @deacyblues @youngpastafanmug @sleepretreat @hardyshoe @bramblesforbreakfast @sevenseasofcats @tensecondvacation @queen-crue @jennyggggrrr @madeinheavxn @whatgoeson-itslate @brianssixpence @simonedk @herewegoagainniall @stardust-killer-queen @anotheronewritesthedust1 @pomjompish @writerxinthedark

Please yell at me if I forget to tag you! :)

“You can’t leave,” John pleads. One of his hands—strong, nimble, a gold band on his wedding finger—is clutching the wooden bedpost. Chrissie paces back and forth beside him, gnawing her thumbnail until it bleeds, silent tears streaking down her ruddy cheeks.

You throw your open suitcase onto the bed and start yanking things out of drawers: panties and bras—the practical ones, not the sexy ones, I won’t be needing those in the immediate future—jeans, velvet dresses, sweaters, socks, mittens, scarves. It’ll be cold in Boston. “I’m going home.”

“Love, please...” Chrissie sobs.

“I’m not staying here.” Your voice is surprisingly steady, resolved even. “I’m not going to stay in this house with him. I’m not going to follow him around the world watching him fuck other women and humiliate me in tabloids. I’m done, I’m going home.”

“You have a contract with the record company, you’re the tour nurse!” Chrissie protests. “Jesus christ, they could sue you for non-performance! When does the band leave, a week from now?!”

“Six days,” John says softly.

“Six days!” Chrissie shouts at you.

“I’m not going. They can sue me, that’s fine.” I don’t have any money anyway. None that’s actually mine.

“You can’t leave,” John says again. His greyish eyes are wide and restless, desperate; you didn’t know it was possible for him to be this agitated. He’s not Queen’s unflappable bassist today.

“Yeah? Observe.” You pick the pink conch shell up off the dresser—the one John found for you on the beach in Ostia, during a tour that feels like a lifetime ago—and tuck it gently into a corner of your suitcase where it will be cushioned by knit sweaters. “John, I have a bunch of your sketches downstairs. There’re some on the refrigerator, some framed in the living room, a couple on the dining room walls...will you go get those for me, please? I can’t leave without them.”

John just stares at you, blinking and thunderstruck.

Next to the empty space on the dresser where the conch shell once lived is the Canon F-1. You consider the camera for a moment, then snatch it up and move to hurl it out of the second-story window.

John jolts out of his paralysis. “No no no no, I think you’ll regret that.” He gently pries the Canon out of your grasp and places it back on the dresser.

“What the hell are you going to do in Boston?!” Chrissie wails. “All your friends are here now! Your life is here!”

“I’m going to get a job at the hospital and marry some boring, predictable man and get a house with a white picket fence and fill it with two exceptionally average children”—if I can have them, and that’s a big if as it turns out—“and a golden retriever and live out the rest of my days in blissful, prosaic anonymity. Thanks for asking.”

“Oh come on, you don’t want that!” Chrissie snaps. “You’ve never wanted that, that’s why you came to London with the band to begin with!”

“I don’t want to feel like this!” you scream, and all those tears you didn’t know you were biting back start spilling out in hot, torrential streams. Your breath hitches; your throat burns. Like wildfire. John pulls you to his chest, murmurs that everything will be okay, cradles the back of your head with his palm. You know he’s exchanging a glance with Chrissie over your shoulder. That’s why she brought him here, after all; to help talk you off the ledge, to help convince you to stay.

“What a fucking mess,” Chrissie says in despair.

“It’s my fault,” you choke out.

“It’s not,” John whispers.

“It is,” you insist bitterly, sobbing into him. “Everyone warned me and I ignored it because I’m a complete idiot and now I’ve gone and ruined my life.”

“You don’t have to go!” Chrissie implores. “You can stay here. With us, with me and John and Mary and Freddie and Brian. You have British citizenship, you can get a job at a hospital in London if you really want to leave the band. You can stay with me and Bri for as long as you need to until you’re back on your feet, or with Freddie...they’d give you any amount of money you needed to get started...they’d be heartbroken if you left, love, you’ve been there for them through everything, since Queen was just a bunch of nobodies, since we were all flat broke...they’re never going to forget that loyalty you showed them, that faith. They’d do anything to repay you.”

You sigh shakily as you untangle yourself from John and wipe your eyes. “If I stay here, I’ll spend the rest of my life dodging Roger at birthday parties and holidays and restaurants. And being known as the wife he fucked around on. I’ll be a pitiful mess of a person. They had a photo of me in the News Of The World, did you know that? A tiny little circular photo under a huge, glamorous one of Dominique. ‘Look everyone, check out the dashing rock star’s sad, pathetic, unremarkable, soon-to-be-ex-wife. Surely you can appreciate why he’d shop around.’”

“Yes, I saw that part,” Chrissie says softly. She understands some of what you’re feeling, surely, and yet she must also have a sensation of gratefulness; plenty of musicians wander like tornadoes, touching down and sowing chaos wherever their compulsions take them, but few wives have the misfortune of seeing their names and faces paraded through the tabloids. Suddenly, Chrissie isn’t the most-wronged wife in Queen anymore.

You bury your face in your hands. “Oh god. My parents might even hear about this. They could be buying wine and Cheetos at the grocery store and see my husband and his girlfriend on the cover of a magazine in the checkout line.”

“I’m so sorry,” Chrissie replies, her voice hoarse. John crosses his arms over his chest and says nothing; but he kicks the wooden bedframe hard enough to send a crack down the center of the footboard.

Downstairs, you hear the front door open. Chrissie and John whirl to you, panicked.

“Hey, love of my life!” Roger’s chipper voice vaults up the staircase. Someone hasn’t checked the headlines yet. “Baby? You home?”

“Do you want me to stay?” John asks you.

“No, I can handle it.”

“Are you sure? Because I’ll stay for as long as you want me to. I’ll hide in the goddamn bushes outside the window if that would be helpful.”

“No, John.” You smile and climb onto your toes to wrap your arms around the back of his neck, to hug him goodbye. He’s warm and comfortable and sheltering. He feels more like home than this house ever has, isn’t that strange? And for a second, just one, you wonder what your life would look like if there had been no Veronica, no Roger.

You’d still be in Boston, you idiot, you chastise yourself. You never would have come to London with Queen if it wasn’t for Roger. And You’re My Best Friend wasn’t about you.

“Thank you,” you tell John. “But I have to do this part myself.”

“Okay. Don’t you dare go cart yourself off to Heathrow without telling me first, alright?”

“Sure,” you say, not meaning it. I can’t let him stop me.

“Good luck,” Chrissie frets, wringing her hands, twirling her wedding ring. “Call me, okay? I’m going to be a nervous wreck until I hear from you. I’ll chew my poor fingers to the bone.”

“I’ll call. I promise.”

“Hey baby!” Roger materializes in the bedroom doorway, pushes his prescription sunglasses up into his windswept blond hair, peers around the room at you and John and Chrissie. And you’re suddenly reminded of how a room changes when Roger walks into it, how everything shifts somehow, becomes brighter, more alive, brimming with magnificent potential; how cavernously empty the world would feel without him in it. Chrissie glares at him with her arms crossed, nostrils flaring, tapping one fashionable riding boot against the hardwood floor. “Uhhhh...am I interrupting something?”

“Bye, love.” Chrissie kisses you quickly on each cheek and breezes out of the room. You hear her boots clopping as she descends down the staircase. After a moment, John follows her.

“You despicable prick,” John hisses as he passes Roger in the doorway.

Roger is mystified. “Baby, what’s going on?” His eyes flick to the hastily packed suitcase, to the cracked footboard. “What the fuck happened to the bed?”

There are so many ways to ask the same question. When did you decide that you needed to have her? Who is she to you? How could you do this to me? What did she give you that I couldn’t? Instead, what you ask him this: “Have you seen the News Of The World today?”

His brow furrows into deep grooves. “No...” But something primal flashes in his vivid blue eyes, just briefly. Something like fear. He knows he’s done things that would hurt me. And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to unearth them all.

You grab the magazine off the bed and hurl it at him. Roger picks it up off the floor and flips to the front page. His shoulders slump, one hand comes up to cover his mouth, he exhales in a deep sigh; his whole body shifts the same way a room does when he walks out of it: dims, deflates, goes bloodless. He calmly lays the News Of The World on the dresser, folds his sunglasses and sets them down as well, rubs his eyes with the heels of his calloused hands. Then he turns to you.

He’s going to deny it, you think, revolted. He’s going to deny it just like Brian did, try to patch things up in some weak and gutless way, placate me so he can drift off to sleep at night imagining he’s a good husband.

But Roger isn’t Brian. He never has been.

He asks you quietly, in surrender: “What do you want to know?”

Your stomach plunges into freefall, because this is real. Maybe there was some part of me that was hoping this was a mistake, some naïve and hopeful sliver of idealism left over from childhood, from a time when everything in the world was either good or evil and nothing lived in the treacherous shadows in between. “How long?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, Roger, it matters.”

“Not long.” He waves a hand glibly. “She...ah...well she thought I was pretty maddening at first. It took her a while to come around to the idea.”

You flinch like you’ve been slapped. “Jesus christ, Roger. Thank you, that’s great, thank you for that information.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you,” he protests, exasperated. “I’m really not, I don’t...I just don’t...bloody hell, I don’t know how to do this.”

“To do what? To fuck around?! Obviously that’s inaccurate—”

“No, to confess!” he shouts. “I never confess, I never admit it, I just avoid or deflect or deny it, and when that doesn’t work anymore I just walk out because usually I don’t care enough to have the conversation. But now I do so I’m really, really trying to give you what you want. I thought you wanted answers. So ask me whatever you want to and I’ll tell you the truth.”

Everyone lies. Everyone disappoints you. I knew that, I really did...but somehow I let him convince me that I didn’t. That he was built of nothing but light. “Do you love her?”

“No,” he replies instantly. “It’s a fling, that’s all.”

“So you didn’t corner her somewhere and tell her that you’re planning on breaking up with me.”

Roger winces. I wasn’t going to end up like Josephine, that was the first promise I made to myself on British soil. And look where I am now. “No. Never.”

“Why, Roger?”

He looks away, runs his hands through his hair; he genuinely doesn’t know how to answer.

You stare at him in disbelief. “Are you even sorry...?”

He speaks carefully, purposefully. “I’m sorry you had to find out, that you were hurt by it. And I’m really fucking sorry about that headline. Discretion is extremely important to me. I never would have let that happen, but you know...” He shrugs, smirking guiltily in that disarmingly bewitching way that he does. Stop, you warn yourself, feeling something in you grasping for reasons to stay. “I haven’t been thinking especially clearly lately.”

“Yes, between the coke and the drinking and the pills you’re quite the disaster, aren’t you?” Scalding tears slither down your face. “So you’re not sorry you did it. You’re not sorry that you’re an addict or a cheater.”

“It’s not about that. It’s...” He searches for the words like premonitions in tea leaves. “Yes, there are drugs and parties and women. There are a lot of those things. But I’m not addicted to any of them. I’m addicted to being Roger Taylor, drummer of one of the best bands in the world. It’s everything I am, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted to be. I never want to live in a world where that’s not who I am anymore. You understand that, what it’s like to feel caged and miserable, you know what it’s like to want to experience things. And so if it takes coke and pills to get up on that stage every night and drum under those blinding lights until it feels like my arm is split open again, okay, no problem, I’ll do it. If women are a part of the lifestyle, a part of being free, then I’ll take advantage of that. And why the fuck does it matter? Why do so many people think that fidelity is the ultimate manifestation of love? Plenty of faithful people hate each other. Plenty of people who screw around are irretrievably in love with one person, are fucking owned by them. I love you. I want to come home to you. I want to raise my children with you if that’s a possibility, and if it’s not then fine, whatever, I’m gonna love you all the same. You’re still on my list, Boston babe. You’re always going to be on my list. Why isn’t that enough?”

“John doesn’t cheat,” you object helplessly. Even if he has all the reasons in the world to.

“No, he doesn’t. But he’s a very different kind of man. A better one, probably. But you’ve always known who I was. And I never promised you an ordinary life.”

You shake your head, hide your face in your hands, can’t force the words to leave your trembling lips. It’s not enough for me. Maybe I thought it could be, but it’s just not.

Roger says, gently: “I know we said the marriage didn’t mean anything”—yes, that was your condition, wasn’t it?—“but that’s not completely true. It’s not just paper and ink. It does mean something. It means that you’re the person I want to take care of, the person I can rely on to provide for my family and friends if something ever happened to me. It means that I love and trust you in a way that is unconditional. That you’re my best friend.”

“I don’t want to live like this, Roger,” you whisper.

“So what’s next?” he demands. “So you’re going to take that suitcase and run back to the States and...what, get a job at the same hospital you were so desperate to escape from? Back out of the tour? Abandon the band and the friends you have here?”

“If that’s what it takes to get away from you.”

For the first time, you hurt him; you really hurt him. You see it ripple across his face like cold, swirling ocean waves. “Please don’t leave.”

“I’ve already decided, Roger.”

“Come on, baby, please, we can work this out—”

“I’m not interested.” You zip the suitcase closed, heave it off the bed, and drag it towards the door.

“So even if we can’t work it out,” Roger erupts, bolting to the doorway, to stand between you and whatever a life after him looks like. “Don’t leave the band. Leave me, just me, but not the band. I know you don’t want to leave them. I know they’ll be devastated if you disappear, not to mention they might legitimately murder me over it. Bri can be a twat, sure, but he’s convinced you saved his life. You and I might be the only people on the whole fucking planet who can see how brilliant John is, who understand him. Freddie’s convinced you’re some kind of good luck charm, you know how superstitious he is, he’ll start having those meltdowns again where he insists he can’t sing five minutes before a show and that the band is doomed, the tour will be a complete disaster. We need you. And I want you to keep the job you love, the travel, the mansion, the money, I want you to have all of it. You’ve earned it. You shouldn’t lose it because of me.”

And as you clutch the handle of your suitcase, your mind dashing from one logistical step to the next—grab my passport and some cash out of the safe, collect all of John’s sketches, call a cab to take me to Heathrow—you start remembering things. But you don’t see them like flashes, like misty reveries, no; you feel them like heat from a roaring fireplace, like Mediterranean pebbles digging into the wrinkled soles of your feet, like the deafening screams of crowds filling the Rainbow Theater, the Hammersmith Odeon, the Apollo, the Budokan, Madison Square Garden. Memories of excavating shards of glass from John’s hand in a New Orleans mansion crawling with fantasies and nightmares, of toasting pink champagne in the lobby of the Chelsea Register Office, of museums and parks and beaches and apartments filled with threadbare couches and extravagant dreams, of Christmases and New Year’s Eves, of Roger convincing you to come to London with Queen on a June morning in 1974, cradling your face in his rough hands, promising you everything you’ve ever wanted: ‘Love...Accept. The fucking. Offer.’ And you could run to the other side of the world, sure; but you’re never going to be able to carve those memories out of your bones.

You let go of the suitcase, and Roger’s smile lights up his face like the sun.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Careful...careful, love...” Roger contorts himself to keep the umbrella over you and the Boston cream pie you’re carrying as rain pours out of a sinister grey sky. You both hurry beneath the roof that covers the front porch and ring the doorbell. Freddie answers wearing a tight green shirt, jeans, and an enormous toothy grin.

“Oh, for me?” he squeals, eyeing the pie.

You step inside as Roger stays out on the porch to shake off the umbrella and finish his cigarette; Chrissie hates people smoking in her house, and one should get what they want on their birthday. “Obviously, it’s for Chris. But I suspect she’ll share.”

Chrissie appears in a blue dress, her wide-set pale eyes alight as she gazes at the pie. “At last! I finally get to try one of these! And yes, Freddie, I’m only going to have the teeniest tiniest piece, so there will be more than enough to go around.” She embraces you and takes the pie. “Is this homemade?! It is, isn’t it?”

“Happy birthday, Chrissie,” you announce with a tired smile. Queen leaves for the News Of The World Tour in two days. You’re leaving with them, to everyone’s palpable relief; Freddie and Brian have never mentioned the headline to you, but they know about it of course. Everybody knows. It’s an elephant in every room, an ancient beast that quakes the floor when it walks.

“I’m going to miss you like crazy,” Chrissie tells you. “I always do.” But she’s a little thankful, too; because spending months away on tour is undoubtedly preferable to a permanent absence, a visibly missing piece like a chip in a tooth.

“I know. I’ll call.”

Roger steps inside the massive Chelsea home. “Happy birthday, Chris!”

She promptly spins away, ignoring him, and ferries the pie off to the kitchen. Freddie wraps an arm around Roger’s shoulder and steers him into the living room where Mary, John, a perpetually pregnant Veronica, and a host of assorted Mullens and Mays are passing the twins around like footballs and chatting over appetizers and tea and cookies. Biscuits, you correct yourself. And the shrimp cocktail are called prawns.

“What did you say your name was?” a middle-aged, rotund, bearded man asks John disinterestedly. “Josh? James?”

“John, actually. I’m the bassist.”

The man frowns as he gobbles down a shrimp. “Oh, how odd, I’ve never even heard of you.”

“Yeah?” Roger pipes as he sails over and claps the man aggressively on the shoulder. “Well let me introduce you. This is John Richard Deacon and he wrote You’re My Best Friend, you’ve heard of that one, right? He learned the electric piano to compose it. Yes, he doesn’t just play bass, he has all sorts of gifts. He’s massively talented. He builds amps and manages finances and can sketch pictures that look like freaking photographs...”

You wander into the kitchen where Chrissie is slicing herself a miniscule portion of Boston cream pie. “Oh fuck it, it’s my birthday. I’m having a proper piece of pie, thighs be damned.” She goes in for a second attempt. “You want any?”

“No, I’m alright. I haven’t been feeling well.”

Her brows knit together in concern. “Not compulsively consuming your own weight in snacks to avoid socializing with strangers? That’s unlike you.”

Well, since you asked, I was feeling even more piggish than usual until I found out my husband was fucking somebody else, and also that the entire country knows about it. “Yeah, weird.”

Brian enters the kitchen. “Oh, pie!”

“You want a piece?” Chrissie asks cheerfully. So they’ve made up somehow. Like they always do, like they always will.

“Yes, absolutely, but I’ll get it myself, love. You go enjoy yourself. It’s your day.”

She beams up at him and journeys out to the living room. You are in no rush to join her. Watching Roger charm the crowd, allowing him to dazzle you, to lull you back into his orbit like the subsidiary moon of a vast, ringed planet...no, you have no stomach for that at all. You pour yourself a glass of red wine and try to swallow without tasting it.

Brian’s doting demeanor evaporates like he’s taken off a mask. He sighs, mixes himself a Vesper, sips it as he leans against the kitchen counter and studies you warily. “How are things?”

“Paradisiacal.” Each night you sleep in the guest room with the blue-grey walls and the seahorse-patterned blankets. Roger tried to give you the main bedroom, still sleeps in a spare room in case you ever decide you want it; but you like that the blue room is smaller, more humble, that it smells like John’s brand of cigarettes, that there is no gaping emptiness where Roger usually is. Roger doesn’t try to talk to you about Dominique. He is attentive, optimistic, easygoing, affectionate; he lights the fireplace in the living room and brings you hot chocolate, he wears the red hat you once knit him every time he leaves the house. But he left the paperwork showing he’d sold the apartment—the ‘London Love Nest,’ isn’t that what the headline called it?—out on the kitchen table where you would see it. You know he’s waiting for you to forgive him, as if that’s an inevitability. And every once in a while you feel a guttural stab of fear that he might be right. Someone puts Hotel California on the record player out in the living room. “Every time I hear this goddamn song I get acid trip flashbacks. I start thinking of sharks for some reason.”

“It reminds me of...” Brian’s gaze goes murky. “Well, of a girl from New Orleans.”

The one from the hot tub. The one with a peach tattooed on her shoulder blade.

“We have a stop there,” you say. “You know, on the tour. We’ll be there for a few nights.”

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten.”

No, perhaps that’s all he’s been thinking about.

“How are you these days, Bri? Two beautiful children, adoring wife, We Will Rock You becoming a fantastically successful single...your world must seem pretty golden.”

“You’d think so.” He peers out the window where raindrops are clinging to fogged glass and the November skies are illuminated with episodic flashes of lightning like Morse code. At last he says, very softly: “I think I married the wrong person.”

“I think I did too.”

Bri raises his eyebrows and clinks his Vesper against your wine glass. “So we were both right. Fantastic. Cheers.”

You gulp down the rest of your wine, feeling your stomach roil in protest. You pour another glass. Brian drains his Vesper.

“You want me to escort you out there?” Brian asks, gesturing towards the living room. “I’ll happily redirect everyone’s attention towards the twins if you’d like. They’re very convenient conversation starters.”

“No, thanks Bri. You go ahead.”

“Alright. If you insist.” A smile ghosts his lips. “I’m really glad you’re coming with us, love. I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision. And I’m sure things won’t feel easy for a long time. But Queen wouldn’t be the same without you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Now get out there before I punch you in your fragile liver.”

Brian laughs, sets his glass in the sink, and disappears into the living room. You stall in the kitchen by yourself. You sip wine, browse through the family photos displayed on the refrigerator, listen to the polite chatter of the guests from a distance. Eventually you venture towards the living room before losing your nerve and veering down the hallway towards the back porch. Outside the rain is falling torrentially, the sky rumbling with thunder. John is sitting on a wooden bench under the roof and smoking as he gazes out into the storm.

“Hey,” he says, sliding over to make room for you on the bench.

You sit down beside him and hold out your hand. He stares at you for a moment, puzzled, before passing you his cigarette. You take one long drag and give it back to him. John blinks at you, stunned.

“That’s extremely bad for you,” he teases.

“So is getting hammered and driving into cop cars.”

He clutches his chest. “Ouch. I felt that in my soul.”

You shove him, chuckling. He points down at your boots. You swing your feet up to rest in his lap, and he lays his left hand on them while he smokes with his right.

“Go ahead,” he says. “I know you might not want to talk about it. That’s fine. But if there’s any baggage you’d like to unburden yourself of, I’m listening.”

I’ve got baggage, all right. I’ve got enough to fill a Boeing 747. “Everyone warned me. Everyone told me it was a terrible idea to fall in love with him. Everyone except you, John. Why is that?”

He’s slow and deliberate when he answers. “I never wanted you to be with someone because...you know...because you thought you should be with them. Because they were the ‘smart’ choice or the ‘safe’ choice or whatever. I wanted you to make your own decisions, whatever those were. I wanted you to be with someone...whoever that was...only because you wanted to be. Because you loved them.”

You nod. “That makes sense, I suppose.”

“I told you once that it didn’t mean anything to someone like Roger when he...you know. When he does what he does. I was telling the truth then, and I’m telling the truth now. I don’t think it meant anything to him. And I don’t know if that kills any of the pain I know you’re feeling, but I hope it does. Because you being in pain is the absolute last thing I’ve ever wanted. Are you angry with me for not trying to change your mind?”

“No,” you say immediately, and you mean it. “Not at all.”

“Good. Because they took away my driver’s license for a year and I’m probably going to need a lot of rides from you.”

You laugh, a brash authentic laugh, and John grins over at you.

Chrissie hauls the sliding glass door open and steps out onto the porch with a frustrated huff. “I know this party is technically for me, but when you’re the mother of infant twins sometimes all you really want is a smoke, a nap, and a bottle of vodka.” She lights a cigarette and plops down into a chair facing the bench.

“How are you, Chris?” What you mean is: Have you screamed much at your husband lately?

“I’m doing pretty well today, actually.”

“Is that because you’re genuinely happy or because you’ve trained yourself not to be sad?”

Chrissie smirks. “You’ll find those feel like the same thing after a while.”

“No, I won’t find out. Because I’m not staying with him.”

“Love...” Chrissie begins.

“I’ll stay in London. I’ll even stay with the band. But I’m not going to stay married to him.”

“Y/N, please, maybe you should think about this,” Chrissie presses. “I know you love him. And I know he makes you wonderfully happy when times are good. Maybe that’s all we can ask for, you know? Wives in our predicament. Maybe we can learn to cherish them when they’re with us, bottle up the magic, store it on a shelf to tide us over until they come back home. No one else is going to light you up the way he does. There’s only one Roger Taylor. Withdrawal from that is going to be hell.”

You glower out into the wind and rain and say nothing.

“And that woman, Dominique Beyrand? I’ve asked around about her, she’s got some husband back in France that she goes home to when she’s not working here. It’s just a fling for her too, it’s nothing serious. I don’t think there was any chance he would have ever considered actually leaving you for her.”

“He bought her an apartment, Chris.”

“Men do stupid things that don’t mean anything all the time. Isn’t that right, John?”

“Sure,” he offers ungenerously.

You stop yourself before the words tumble recklessly from your lips: Maybe you’re trying to convince yourself more than me, Chrissie. “I’m divorcing him,” you vow quietly.

“Okay,” Chrissie capitulates. “Okay. I’m sorry, love, please forgive me. I only got two hours of sleep, Teddy was crying all night.” She puffs on her cigarette and sighs mournfully. “I hate to say it, and I don’t mean to be insensitive, but I guess it was sort of lucky you never got pregnant. Can you imagine trying to split up when you have children together? Working out custody and finances and holidays, having to pretend like you don’t want to disembowel each other all the bloody time...it would be torture.”

John glares at her, his left hand still on your boots.

“Yeah,” you respond; but now you’re distracted, because you remember the reason why you had been so determined to ignore the phone when Chrissie called to warn you about the News Of The World headline. Because the kitchen phone was right next to the calendar, and the calendar would report in no uncertain terms that your period was due.

When was that? A week ago?

You can’t be late. You’ve never been late.

“Oh god,” you breathe.

“What?” John asks, concerned.

In reply, you lurch off the bench, stumble to the edge of the porch, and vomit red wine into the wet grass like a gush of blood. Chrissie soars to you and rubs your back as you retch into her lawn. “Oh no, you poor thing!”

“John, go away,” you choke out as he approaches. “I’m humiliated, I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“You saw me in a jail cell. I’m staying.”

You turn to look up at them. They read the raw horror and shock in your eyes. John’s jaw falls open and he shakes his head, firmly in denial. You could relate.

Chrissie gasps. “Oh, bloody hell.”

“No fucking way,” you wheeze. “After all this time, after all those months of nothing...”

“You better take a test,” Chrissie says. “Come on, I have a kit upstairs.”

She pulls you to your feet and leads you to her bathroom, deftly avoiding the increasingly intoxicated crowd downstairs. John waits just outside the door as Chrissie rummages around in the closet for the test kit. It’s a contraption that looks like a chemistry set, with a dropper and a test tube and a stand with a mirror. You piss into a paper cup—successfully although not with flying colors—and wash your trembling hands in the sink with a piece of pink soap shaped like a seashell. Then you lay on the cold linoleum floor with a folded towel for a pillow and a bucket within reach. Chrissie trickles a few droplets of urine into the test tube, mixes in the contents of a small plastic vial, and places the test tube in the holder that suspends it above the mirror.

Chrissie explains to John: “If she’s pregnant, the chemicals will form a brown ring in the tube. If there’s no ring, we’re in the clear.”

“How fitting,” you chuckle from the floor, dazedly, cynically. “That would be the only ring I’ve ever gotten.”

It takes two hours. The three of you loiter in the bathroom, Chrissie and John perched on the rim of the enormous garden tub, fidgeting and chitchatting anxiously. They alternate popping downstairs, mingling just long enough to not arouse suspicions, bringing back biscuits and bits of toast that they futility try to coerce you into eating. Chrissie doesn’t like the smell of cigarettes in the house, she never has; but now both she and John are chain smoking as they wait and periodically get up to check the test tube.

“This isn’t real,” you whimper. “This can’t be real, right? There’s no way the universe has this ironic a sense of humor.”

“Wait, something’s happening.” John waves Chrissie over to the test kit. She examines it.

“Love...” Chrissie begins, her voice tentative, her eyes glossy.

“No,” you insist. “No way, no fucking way, I don’t believe this...”

Chrissie turns the kit so you can view it, so you can see what she does reflected in the tiny mirror: a single dark ring that informs you you’re carrying Roger’s child.

89 notes · View notes

kittybellestark · 4 years

Text

Time Can Heal All, But Maybe Not This

Tumblr deleted the original story and I was lucky enough to find it again and get screenshots of it before it disappeared for good. This story continues to delete itself but I will win this war. idc it’s 10 pages worth of writing and I backed it up this time. I will win. I cannot be stopped. Also it refused to take a page break so im sorry that half of this isn’t hidden, can’t win this battle.

Please enjoy this story I love it dearly and if you’ve read it before Tumblr deleted it and liked it im sorry that it’s here again but re-reads are always nice ?

TW: Depression, alcoholism, drug usage, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, declining mental health

So maybe Peter didn’t have the most friends. Or the largest family. He didn’t have the most money and Peter certainly didn’t have the most luck. Peter didn’t have a lot of luck objectively speaking. Peter didn’t have a lot to give the universe and in return the universe didn’t have a lot to give Peter.

Then one day the universe gave him Tony, and Peter shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was when Tony didn’t want to be gifted to him. Then Peter nearly died and Peter found Tony in his life, but this time for good, and not just for a trip to Germany followed up by nothing.

Tony brought a lot to Peter’s life, a lot that was once ripped away from him. Tony brought family and warmth and happiness into the places of Peter’s life that were left empty. Tony helped Peter in all the ways that May wasn’t able to. Tony gave Peter so much, and Peter felt like he gave nothing in return.

Then the universe gave Peter Harley. And Peter felt selfish from everything he took from Harley. He took his time and attention, he took and took and took. And it felt different than it did with Tony, the way he kept taking and taking. With Tony it was easier, just spending time, Tony still worked on important things when Peter was there. Peter didn’t take up Tony’s attention the way that he takes up Harley’s.

Peter felt selfish. All he did was take. He took up room in May and Ben’s apartment. Took up room in May’s life. Used May’s money, distracted her from her own grief of her husband. Peter took up room in Tony’s lab, a whole workbench! He took Tony’s money, (over a million dollars on the suit alone) and he took Tony’s time away from SI and the Avengers and Pepper. And Peter took Harley away from his family. Harley came to New York to meet Peter and visit Tony, but then Harley decided to stay.

Peter wasn’t lucky, so he knew, he knew something was going to happen. It’s been a streak of good things for too long. The last bad thing that happened to Peter was Ben dying, so Peter knew because it had been so long ago that something was going to happen soon. Peter just wondered who it would be. It could be MJ or Ned or Harley or Tony or May. And Peter wasn’t ready to lose anyone.

Peter’s life was already so full. He had so many people who meant so much for him. He had everything he’d ever dreamed of, and yet it all felt wrong. Everything felt seconds from crumbling. He has all these people who love him, and support him, Peter loves all these people and he knows, he knows that something will happen to his family. He knows that he’s going to lose someone. It’s just the way his life works.

And Peter is terrified. For good reason apparently.

The snap happens. And Peter dies in Tony’s arms. Though he only woke up what felt like a minute later, it was actually five years. He was alone on a planet with people he didn’t know. Then he was on Earth fighting a war. Then everything was over.

He was the only one of his family to be snapped. Tony gained a whole family. Ned and MJ grew up and were finishing college. May finally moved out to Italy, something she and Ben were supposed to do before Peter came into his life. And Harley moved out of New York and moved on from Peter.

Everything Peter knew changed. He didn’t have a home, or a family, he didn’t have friends. Peter knew the universe has something in store for him. He knew the universe would look down on him and laugh when it saw how comfortable Peter was. He just didn’t expect to lose everyone. Not like that. Peter never expected to be left behind.

May didn’t want to come back to New York. She didn’t want Peter anymore. The offer was made to fly him out to Italy, but May now had a boyfriend who she lived with in a small village working as a nurse to help those in the community. They had a kid together and there just wasn’t room for Peter in her life anymore.

Tony and Pepper wanted to take Peter in, but they just didn’t have the room in their house at the moment, and Tony needed a lot more attention after the snap due to his injuries and it would be a year at least until they could move back to the city and find a place with room for Peter too. Tony was still deep in recovery and he didn’t blame them for not wanting to add more to their plate, especially when they had a daughter.

Ned and MJ were adults now. They had reached out to him. MJ was going to school in California and Ned in Boston. They were happy and they were adults. Peter knew they wouldn’t be able to take him in.

Temporarily Peter would be living on his own. With his apartment that was loaned to him from the Stark’s just until they could find a place where they’d all fit.

Peter never tried contacting Harley. He wasn’t sure he could handle that.

Peter turned 20 alone. In his little apartment in Boston, right off the MIT campus. By the time Tony and Pepper were able to move back into the city Peter was ready to go to college. He graduated Midtown with no one in the audience cheering him on, with no friends other than Flash, who was also snapped and alone. They weren’t friends, but they were alone together.

The Starks bought the apartment by MIT for Peter. He received a full ride there, being apart of the ‘blipped’ population helped that.

But now he was 20 and still alone. He didn’t talk to May anymore, hardly spoke to Tony or Pepper. They only ever reached out when they felt guilty. It was easy for them to forget Peter when they had five years without him.

He was drunk and alone. A combination he never thought he’d be. He always thought he’d have someone. But now he has no one. Peter was by the Sailing Pavilion now, starring out at the water wondering if it was cold. If he jumped in and swam down would anyone notice. 20 was old enough, wasn’t it?

His phone starts to ring.

Peter looks down at it, it’s Flash. No one else has called.

“Happy Birthday, Peter.” Flash says, trying to sound happy.

“Uh, yeah, Thanks.” Peter laughs. It’s fake, and sounds like he’s crying. Which he is. Of course he is.

“Just me?” Flash asked, his voice sounding more like a whisper.

“Just you.” Peter confirms.

The two stay silent on the phone together. They stayed alone together. They understood each other in a way others couldn’t. They were left behind. They were alone. They came back to a world that didn’t have room for them. A world that no longer wanted them.

“I miss having a family.” Peter speaks up, taking another swig of the whiskey he poured into his water bottle.

“I don’t.” Flash snorts. “I miss having people around, but not my family. They were assholes. Dad was a drunk, abusive, it wasn’t great. Mom was heavily medicated for her issues and wasn’t very present. They always loved my sister more. Now they just throw money at me and hope I stay away.”

Peter hums. “I finally felt like I had a family right before we died. I had Tony and Pepper and May. They took care of me and I didn’t feel like I deserved it. May lives in Italy now. I think she’s engaged or married probably. She has a kid. Doing her dream job. Tony and Pepper buy me things when they remember about me. But they’re not in my life. Not really. MJ and Ned are 25 now. Haven’t talked to either of them since right after the snap. And Harley... I really thought the two of us were going to be something. I loved him. He moved away when we were dead. Moved on. I haven’t spoken to him either. I knew I was going to lose someone, Flash. Parker luck and everything. I just didn’t think it would be everyone.”

“I hated you for that.” Flash sounds like he’s smiling now. “ I hated you for having a family. You were supposed to be poor, orphaned, Peter Parker. You didn’t have a family, but then you did. I had a family, but I didn’t. I wanted to have a family like you had so bad. I never thought you and I would have the same thing. I guess you have to be careful what you wish for.”

“You think anyone would miss us if we died.” Peter asked.

He took another sip of his drink, moving himself closer to the water. He held in a sob, trying to not sound suicidal on the phone with Flash. Flash was in Vermont. Peter didn’t want to panic him.

“Peter whatever you’re thinking about doing, don’t. I refuse to plan your funeral, okay? You try anything and I’ll be in Boston so quick.”

“I’m not. I won’t. I’m not going to kill myself. Not now. I promise I’ll live another day. But do you think anyone would miss us?”

Flash was silent for a moment. He considered Peter’s words. He knew the answer already. They both did.

“No.” Flash finally said. “They’ve mourned us already, they’ve grieved for us. If we were both dead no one would miss us. They’d miss the opportunity of knowing us. They’d miss the idea of us. But no one knows us. Not anymore. Now one would miss us.”

Peter graduated when he was 22. There wasn’t a single person in the crowd for him. Just some empty seats and empty promises.

He was drunk and alone by the time night rolled around, a gun in his hand. There was a party raging on down the road, loud enough that people probably wouldn’t recognize the sound of a gun going off.

Bringing the gun up to his head, he drank more whiskey and cried. Peter’s finger hovered over the trigger, when he thought of Ben. He watched him bleed out everywhere, saw him get shot, watched the life face from his eyes.

Peter couldn’t do this tonight. Not with a gun.

At 25 Peter was still alone. He had a good job, a good company really, bought it out when he realized the company was about to fail and that his net worth was higher than the company who pays him. He travelled the world, as CEO. Accidentally made a name for himself. He was famous for some research, he couldn’t remember what. He was in the public eye often. Paparazzi followed him around. Yet Peter was still alone.

Peter and Flash still talked. They both were still alone. There’s pictures of them at bards in magazines. They were alone together once a month. Flash ran his own business, it was successful, especially with Peter’s new found fame.

Peter was stuck at some stuffy party, alone. Always alone. I mean, he has his P.A with him, she was nice, she just kept him on track. He was a the bar, a few too many drinks in, flirting up whoever might make him feel less lonely tonight.

He isn’t what he ever expected to be. But he never really expected to live this long either.

“Mr Parker, you’re expected on stage now for you’re award.” His P.A interrupts.

Peter sighs, standing up and making his way to the stage, leaving the person at the bar with a wink. His P.A followed quickly behind him as he brought his drink with him, taking another sip.

“What’s it for?” He asked.

“You’re research on the Mental Health of those who blipped.” She smiled taking his drink from him and straightening his tie.

“I have so much more interesting research than the blipped. Why that one. I could use another award on my development of AI tech at home, or my bio-medicine advancements or literally anything else.”

She shook her head at him, pushing him up the stage.

“Peter Parker everyone!” The host called out again, gaining applause.

“Sorry for being late everyone.” Peter winked to the crowd. “I like to build up the anticipation. Thank you for this award. This wasn’t a project I ever thought would gain the traction it did. I think this is something that a lot of us could resonate with. Fifty percent of us were blipped. We came back to a world we didn’t recognize. A place we didn’t git. A lot of our families moved on. Even if you were one of the lucky ones who returned you’re mental health was affected. So many of us were displaced. And I think this research struck close to home for so many of us. Thank you so much for this award.”

It wasn’t one of his better speeches. One of his worst ones, actually. He knew that. He couldn’t come up with anything quick. It was hard to come up with a way to say thank you without showing all your cards.

He took pictures with the appropriate people on his way out. Kissed people on the cheek. Answered questions in the interview section. Followed out by paparazzi with some guy on his arm.

Turning 27 was a nightmare. A big party was thrown in his honour. He blacked out in the first hour. 27 sex tapes were circulating by the morning, all from different times since his rise to fame. Peter didn’t want to live. He hated being alive.

His P.A found him passed out 27 days later in his office. He overdosed. Anti-depressants and sleeping pills swallowed down with half a bottle of whiskey.

Flash was in his hospital room when he finally woke up a week later. He wasn’t happy with Peter, but he understood better than most. They cried into each others arms.

Flash moved in with Peter for a while.

When Peter left the hospital he was mobbed by paparazzi's. He had to do a press conference that same day, about what happened. Like it was anyone’s business. Like anyone cares, other than Flash.

Peter was 30 and still alone.

He and Flash still met up. But Flash has a family now. He was married, to Peter’s P.A -Gwen- and they were expecting. He was finally able to move on. Peter, on the other hand, was stuck.

He made a big advancement in technology. Out to the public. An AI who would track a persons wellbeing. Who would act s a therapist until a person received the help they needed. An AI who would talk a person down from harming themselves and contact the right people. A resource for helping people with depression, anxiety and PTSD. An interactive interface where it’d help you work through your trauma. And it was affordable.

There was no one there to congratulate him. Another milestone he made on his own. Peter Parker changed the world. He game so much to the people and he didn’t expect anything, having had a family at one point. From having happiness in his life once.

Peter didn’t think he’d be alive now- especially since turning 27, things had been rocky, he was lucky Flash was there for him. He wasn’t even sure he was going to graduate high school, let alone MIT. But he had to pay off his debts to the universe. For the happiness he once had. Peter knew at this point he wasn’t going to find love, or family, or happiness. IT wasn’t written in the stars for him.

He’s 30 and alone. A drunk with no one to go to. The world seemed to love him. Deemed him the next Tony Stark. As if Tony wasn’t still alive with a 17 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. They called him the next Tony Stark like it didn’t bring any pain to him. The people didn’t know his history. The family he lost.

He’s in California now. Alone. Always alone. Always drunk and alone. He’s looking over the edge of the cliff at some tourist destination wondering if the fall would kill him. If the wave would pull him underwater. Would the universe miss him? Would the world mourn his death? Would there be anyone at his funeral?

He was drunk and the pull of jumping seemed so good. Peter was tired of paying off his debts for having had happiness. He was ready for it to end. He wondered if the universe would be so cruel as to keep him alive after death again.

Footsteps approached him. He put on a smile, knowing that whoever it was would want to talk. The person stood beside him, looking over the fence of the observatory.

“California is nice, isn’t it?” The person said, a slight southern accent, long faded in their voice.

“S’alright.” Peter shrugged. “Too hot for me. Besides the whole thing about California falling off the map, who would want to stay for that?”

“Better than Florida.” The man laughed.

“Anything is better than Florida.” Peter agreed.

Peter hoped this man would leave. Give him some privacy in what he wants to be his last moment. He didn’t leave though. So Peter offered him the bottle of whiskey in his hand. The man took it. He took a swig before passing it back to Peter, who raised his bottle and downed the rest.

“I know it’s been a good 13 years for you, Pete, a solid 17 years for me, but do you really not recognize me or are you hoping I’ll leave again?”

Peter stayed silent. Of course he knew who it was. He could never forget. He was just hoping the other man wouldn’t remind him of it.

“From where I’m standing, it seems like you want me to leave. But that ain’t gonna happen. You’re an alcoholic who looks to be a minute away from doing something that they can’t ever undo. So I’m going to stay. You hear me Peter Parker? I’m not leaving you.”

As it turns out the universe doesn’t hate Peter Parker. On what Peter decided to be his last day alive, the universe gave him back Harley Keener. A gift to him for all he’s been through.

On Peter’s 32nd Birthday he was one month sober.

Peter was learning what it means to have a family again.

When Peter turned 32 he learnt what it meant to be happy.

42 notes · View notes

thehealingplum · 3 years

Text

things that have been helping me:

1. listening to positive music. i will be lying down in silence and the only thing in my head is one of those catchy songs i recently listened to. while i do occasionally indulge in my angsty music, i overall try to stick to more positive lyrics.

2. positive affirmations vs self deprecation. yeah, i know, saying “haha i’m so stupid” has become such a common thing that it’s honestly WEIRD not to see it. but like. maybe just don’t do that anymore. did you fall down? exaggerate how graceful you were. having trouble speaking? say “i do the words good” or something else nonsensical. it’s not putting yourself down, and it’s a way to make light of mistakes and allow yourself to not feel BAD for making mistakes.

3. not apologizing about everything. i have a terrible habit of feeling like my existence is an inconvenience, so i apologize all the fucking time. ‘sorry for bothering you.’ ‘sorry for wasting your time.’ ‘sorry for being annoying.’ no. dont say those anymore. don’t be sorry for existing. say ‘thank you for your time’ and ‘thank you for listening’ and ‘thank you for understanding.’ your friends, they choose to spend time with you because they care. you’re not a nuisance to them. you have to trust them, okay?

4. establishing boundaries and saying no. i quit my job. it was a religious based job and i do NOT have positive experiences with religion. family doesnt understand that religious abuse is a thing, even though THEY mean well, they have been very invasive and uncomfortably controlling over my life. and so i do not engage in religious stuff like i used to. my father got mad at me for it, but i know why i quit and i will still say “i cannot work in a christian place.” period. that is my boundary. another boundary that i established? people asking me for shit. my brother asked if i had a fingernail clipper. i know he has a bad habit of losing stuff or breaking stuff, so i said no. theyre my clippers, and he is completely capable of going to buy one for himself. he has a job, money and a car. it is not hard for him to go to the dollar store and get him a cheap pair of clippers.

5. resting and me time. we all feel like we should constantly be doing something productive. constantly be making something. constantly be making a difference in someone’s life. an important part of existing is RESTING. neither the body nor the mind are made to be constantly at work like this. taking time to yourself is necessary to reflect on you, and to be comfortable with your existence. it sounds corny as fuck but like. it. definitely is something that needs to be done. if you are afraid of being alone with your thoughts then it sounds like you need a bit of professional help to walk you through self discovery.

6. redirecting impulses into writing. intrusive thoughts exist. compulsive behavior exists. i cannot tell you how many times i have just been like ‘hey, i’m going to go ahead and give this person advice because i think its what they need!’ and instead of acting on that, i think about my characters doing it. i think about how people would react to these behaviors. it helps me look at my own behavior from an outside perspective and helps me pick out the traits that i need to shut down. i also offer ‘advice’ in the form of just posting here on tumblr about my recovery process lol. people have the option of blocking my tags, blocking/unfollowing me, and do not have to consume my content at all. those who are comfortable with my self help stuff are more than welcome to stay around if they feel like they are being helped. so it’s a win/win. im helping others by helping myself, but not FORCING help onto other people.

#long post #my codependency #my recovery

2 notes · View notes

yibyeol · 3 years

Text

5 love languages

@fulmnare posting here because tumblr decided to eat the ask and make me redo the entire thing so 😠

Jayden

Words of Affirmation

does your muse like giving compliments? 50/50, he only tells them when he really, really means it.

how easy is it for your muse to say ‘ i love you’? he probably doesn’t say it

what is one compliment your muse is dying to hear? probably none because he thinks being in that field, it can’t possibly mean anything good

what is something your muse loves being praised for? being trustworthy, clear-headed. and also the fact that he reads. (jayden: i’m not saying i’m better than everyone because i read, but a lot of the problems in this world could be solved if people just shut the hell up and read more)

Acts of Service

does your muse like it when people do work for them? not really omg cause like why would he want other people to like do dirty work for him, but also he’s secretly glad cause that means he doesn’t have to do it himself lmao

does your muse enjoy giving people a hand with work? depends on what, but he’s usually willing and quick to help!

what acts of service would your muse appreciate the most? he hangs out with the guys a lot so like whenever they ask each other if they’re armed or safe, or when they’re just passing each other a gun, knife etc. also someone preparing actual food for him.

what is one chore your muse would prefer someone else do for them? washing clothes. he hates having smelly clothes and he also hates (hand) washing clothes.

Receiving Gifts

does your muse enjoy giving gifts? mostly yeah, nothing fancy though cause he never knows what to give

what is a gift your muse is hoping to receive? books. or like a knife or some weapon always works too im cry he does have a dangerous job after all.

does your muse prefer receiving more practical or fun gifts? (jayden: ...books...can be practical and fun too...) i’m sorry just get him a netflix membership or something

does your muse like it when someone spends a lot of money on them? nah

Quality Time

what is your muse’s ideal date night? anything as long as it’s indoor cause it makes him feel safe

how comfortable is your muse with prolonged eye contact? not too long please it makes him feel uneasy

does your muse prefer conversation or just sitting quietly with their s/o? he doesn’t talk all that much so most probably the latter

is it easy for your muse to devote their full attention to one person at a time? yep

Physical Touch

does your muse like being hugged? only by people he has known for a long time and by kids

where could someone touch your muse to calm them down? shoulders. back.

is there anywhere on your muse’s body they want to be touched most? only livia knows the answer to this

does your muse find themselves subconsciously seeking out physical contact? if and only if you’re livia (mr morelli pls look away)

Jean

Words of Affirmation

does your muse like giving compliments? not really, she only gives them when she really, really means it. (not at her taking after her mother at least a good 70% and being stingy with compliments)

how easy is it for your muse to say ‘ i love you’? she’s probably never said it before so it wouldn’t be easy at all :pensive:

what is one compliment your muse is dying to hear? “you did good.” “you’re doing great”

what is something your muse loves being praised for? please praise her for her cooking instead of the fact that she studies well tbh, cause ofc she likes knowing people think and acknowledge she’s smart but it stresses her out more so (jean: well i think i already know i’m not too bad at studying, so...)

Acts of Service

does your muse like it when people do work for them? no omf she appreciates it and is lowkey touched whenever people offer to, but she feels awkward so no. and she also doesn’t like asking for help.

does your muse enjoy giving people a hand with work? also nope. unless it concerns her in someway like it could affect her school/work performance, or because she genuinely wants to do things for you because you’re one of those she holds dear to her heart

what acts of service would your muse appreciate the most? like someone telling her to stay warm, or passing a scarf, jacket to her etc (she gets cold easily) and giving her snacks so she remembers to take breaks in between studying / working. and also going grocery shopping with her because it's probably one of her favorite hobbies

what is one chore your muse would prefer someone else do for them? cleaning chores! she hates cleaning, like moping, wiping off dust etc

Receiving Gifts

does your muse enjoy giving gifts? yes and no. (jean: buying gifts is so hard so please just tell me what you want and i’ll get it for you)

what is a gift your muse is hoping to receive? one of those mini portable projectors cause she wants to use it in her room

does your muse prefer receiving more practical or fun gifts? practical mostly

does your muse like it when someone spends a lot of money on them? no

Quality Time

what is your muse’s ideal date night? anywhere and anything as long as it’s warm but she does enjoy night walks

how comfortable is your muse with prolonged eye contact? depends on the context but she avoids eye contact when she’s upset

does your muse prefer conversation or just sitting quietly with their s/o? 50/50 tbh she kinda just naturally talks more when she's comfortable

is it easy for your muse to devote their full attention to one person at a time? yep! attention has never been her problem

Physical Touch

does your muse like being hugged? she used to not but she is getting used to it and more comfortable now!

where could someone touch your muse to calm them down? hands (her hands shake when she’s upset or anxious so)

is there anywhere on your muse’s body they want to be touched most? (jean: why would i want anyone to touch me)

does your muse find themselves subconsciously seeking out physical contact? not often omf only when she gets really comfortable with the person and she's in a good enough mood and if she trusts them, she would just subconsciously reach out to hold hands, link arms etc

Seungwoo

Words of Affirmation

does your muse like giving compliments? yes he probably says them a lot too

how easy is it for your muse to say ‘ i love you’? it’ll take him forever to make up his mind before saying it, but afterwards it’s just comes easy to him and he says it often

what is one compliment your muse is dying to hear? “you’re improving.” “better than what i expected” (tmi: jean said the former to him once when they first knew each other and it became his favorite ever since)

what is something your muse loves being praised for? that he’s good with his hands omf he’s good at fixing and making things from nothing to something with his hands so

Acts of Service

does your muse like it when people do work for them? n o

does your muse enjoy giving people a hand with work? yes he’s pretty chill with it

what acts of service would your muse appreciate the most? someone cooking for him

what is one chore your muse would prefer someone else do for them? nothing tbH (seungwoo: i do everything on my own cause my grandmother raised no lazy kid)

Receiving Gifts

does your muse enjoy giving gifts? yes and no because he gets moody over the fact that he can’t afford to give anything fancy

what is a gift your muse is hoping to receive? a camera

does your muse prefer receiving more practical or fun gifts? both! preferably something like legos, or like those figure models that you’d have to build like gundam

does your muse like it when someone spends a lot of money on them? n O please no

Quality Time

what is your muse’s ideal date night? anything as long as his date is happy!

how comfortable is your muse with prolonged eye contact? he doesn’t mind it

does your muse prefer conversation or just sitting quietly with their s/o? 70/30

is it easy for your muse to devote their full attention to one person at a time? yes!

Physical Touch

does your muse like being hugged? omf yes he used to hug his grandmother a lot and he likes hugging the few friends he has too

where could someone touch your muse to calm them down? hands ok pls hold his hand

is there anywhere on your muse’s body they want to be touched most? shh even he doesn’t know

does your muse find themselves subconsciously seeking out physical contact? yes and no like he likes hugging people and being hugged, but he doesn’t like being touched out of nowhere so he prefers initiating hugs and physical contact himself

Siwoo

Words of Affirmation

does your muse like giving compliments? yes! he compliments a lot by joking so people might take it the wrong way or just not take him seriously

how easy is it for your muse to say ‘ i love you’? please he says it so often ok especially to his two besties like they could just do something nice for him and he’s already being dramatic like “guys. i love you. you don’t have to do this for me” even though they probably just bought him a meal or something sdjfdsf

what is one compliment your muse is dying to hear? (siwoo: that i’m better looking than jeongin)

what is something your muse loves being praised for? (siwoo: that i’m better looking than jeongin) ok but in all seriousness he likes hearing people tell him he’s more decent than they thought cause he's like a jokester most of the time

Acts of Service

does your muse like it when people do work for them? hell yeah he’s lazy so like if someone can drive him around, then he wouldn’t drive himself

does your muse enjoy giving people a hand with work? most of the time yes! he’s not a selfish prick who doesn’t return favors so aslkfjsdf but if he doesn’t owe you anything and you randomly come up to him, he might just be slightly reluctant cause why would he do that. unless you’re the other two of the trio

what acts of service would your muse appreciate the most? i think he appreciates little things a lot, like charging his phone for him when he’s asleep and forgets to, reminding him to stay hydrated when he’s like hours deep in a video game, stuff like that.

what is one chore your muse would prefer someone else do for them? making his bed for him lsdkfsdf

Receiving Gifts

does your muse enjoy giving gifts? yes pls he also loves giving useless gifts just to annoy people like bet he’ll give you a calendar of 2052 for your birthday in 2021 because “i hope you live long and well until that year, man. you can use it then”

what is a gift your muse is hoping to receive? (siwoo: i have two best friends so i think i already won in life, what more could i ask for?)

does your muse prefer receiving more practical or fun gifts? please definitely something fun

does your muse like it when someone spends a lot of money on them? he doesn’t mind either way

Quality Time

what is your muse’s ideal date night? hanging out with his besties, he’s bringing you along anyway cause he wants everyone to get along. even if you said you want time alone with him

how comfortable is your muse with prolonged eye contact? he does that on purpose to “assert dominance” ok jk he’s just playing around ofc. however, he does avoid eye contact when he’s lying about something serious.

does your muse prefer conversation or just sitting quietly with their s/o? conversation omf he talks a lot

is it easy for your muse to devote their full attention to one person at a time? (siwoo: what if jeongin and heejin get jealous because i spend time with one of them more than the other??? nah i gotta divide my attention fully because i’m fair like that) so yeah he prefers not to just focus on one person at a time

Physical Touch

does your muse like being hugged? yes omf he probably initiates hugs the most

where could someone touch your muse to calm them down? give him a hug instead and he’ll calm down quick

is there anywhere on your muse’s body they want to be touched most? (siwoo: why do i feel like this is a trap question? it’s not like i can answer anything 19+ without people looking at me weird but it’s like this question is asking for 19+ answer so yes this is a trap question)

does your muse find themselves subconsciously seeking out physical contact? kind of?? like he would reach out for hugs, hi-fives a lot and sometimes he would also randomly touch your ear or something to startle and annoy you

#tmi: originally i wanted to specify one (1) language for each muse listed here but then i was like #how is it possible to specify how they love just like that #so i got carried away and ended up with this long boring list ksjfds #tag later

1 note · View note

arwenaminwho · 4 years

Text

Vengeance

Hey guys! This is my first English story and also my first imagine on Tumblr. I’m really sorry if I did any mistakes but I tried my best. Thank you if you read and I would really appreciate if you guys give me feedback! Enjoy! (I hope.)

Batman x Female!Reader Angst! Fluff!

Word count: 2,778

------------------------------------------------------------

It was a cold evening. The front of the tower that the charity ball is going to happen was incredibly crowded. After getting out of the car Bruce took your hand and led you to the entrance of the tower.

The chill wind flew the skirts of the white dress that you wore. There was a guilty glance in his eyes that he didn't want to show around. You didn’t want to come tonight, because of the recent things that happened between you and him. It was 2 days ago that you officially learned that Bruce was Batman. You were thinking and suspecting that something is quite not right about him but the first thing that you thought of was that he was cheating of you, and then you decided, that wasn't the case. And after that, you caught his bruises and that his lies weren't covering the things that he told you that he was doing -like golfing was the reason of those bruises- you started the think that either he was in a lot of trouble or some other things was going on. And one night after he left you at your bed in hurry in the middle of the morning without telling a good reason, you looked out at your window and saw the Bat-signal and all the pieces of the puzzle are falling into their places for you. He was the Batman, and you only just realize it after one year of dating with him, and all this time that the reasons of him that he was late or the things that he could make it were all a big lie. And that made you quite angry. You were upset that he didn't trust you enough, and you were wondering if you didn't catch him how many years would it take him to finally share his secret with you.

“(Y/N)?”

His soft voice that he only used when he with you snaped you out of your thoughts.

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?” His eyes were still was full of a quilt when he was looking at you, and you felt maybe you were a bit unfair to him. You could actually understand what he was thinking, he was probably afraid that his secret would cause trouble to you, or that you would think that its a burden and leave him. Which you would never do.

“Yes, I’m fine. Its nothing.” You said while holding his hand tighter. You give him a smile which made him sigh of relief and smile. You decided not to maintain this issue and enjoy his presence.

With your hand in his hand, you took the elevator and head into the ballroom that the organization was happening.

The ballroom had a splendid look. Everywhere was richly decorated according to the high taste of the guests. The room was crowded and noisy. The whole room was full of the upper class of Gotham. They were drinking their champagne and laughing at each other's jokes accompanied by classical music played on back.

“I have to spend time with the company's investors,” Bruce told you while looking at the group of very boring looking of man, you could see in his face that was the last thing that he wanted to do at that moment.

“Sure, I’ll come with you.” With a big smile, he put his hand on your waist and led you toward them.

It was a bunch of boring conversations and then you decided to ask for permission to go to the restroom so that you can have a little space for yourself.

“If you'll excuse me,” you said while giving Bruce a little smile, which he returned. And you made your way to the restroom.

When you arrive at the restroom, you put your bag to the counter and started to freshen up your makeup. While putting your lipstick the door of the restroom burst open. There was a troubled looking man who was holding a gun towards you. You instantly dropped your bag to the ground and raised your hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Out.”

“I-I don’t understand.”

“OUT!”

“O-okay.” You were trying to understand what was going on while he was pushing you out of the restroom, he grabbed your arm and hold the gun to your waist.

“Don’t run, don’t move, don’t scream or I swear to god I’ll kill you here.”

“Okay. Okay, just tell me why are you doing this, who are you? What do you want from me? Money? What? Just tell me, maybe I can help you.” You were trying to find a way to get you out of this situation, but the corridor was empty due to the start of the program in the ballroom. You could hear the sound of the music and the cheers.

Even if you could scream nobody would’ve heard you. So you decided to listen to him and compromise. He led you to the elevator with a crazy look in his eyes, he was watching his surroundings and making sure that nobody was seeing them.

“Don’t talk! Just do as I say.”

You didn't say anything and entered the elevator with him. You were wondering and trying thing about your options, but you couldn't find anything. Your boyfriend -who was batman- was in the ballroom and you had nothing to at that moment to alert him.

“Why are you doing this?” You tried your chance again.

“Why?” he was nearly screaming with rage. “To make him pay, to make him pay for all the things that he has done to me.”

You were trying to understand what was he talking about.

“Bruce Wayne. He has this gorgeous, rich life with everything that he wants in his hands in seconds, with a loving girlfriend while my wife leaves me because of the things that he has done.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He took my EVERYTHING. He took my job with huge compensation. He left me jobless and in dept. The bank sold my house and made me and my family homeless. She took away my children and go to her mother's home and send me divorce papers after. I have left nothing. Nothing to lose. I can't make him lose everything he has but I can make him lose you, which is even worse.”

You couldn't know what to say and tried to negotiate with him.

“Look, I can find your money, I can help you get your house back, please, don't do this. It's not too late, you can still have your family back.”

He looked at you angrily,

“ITS TO LATE. THERE IS NO GOING BACK! Do you think I just come here like that? I’ve been planing this for months. I tried to do this in different ways but I couldn’t. I followed you home, I watched you work, but you were always surrounded by a lot of people. But now I don't care. I have nothing to lose.”

You finally understand that you were beyond helpless and on your own, you had to do something or this lunatic was going to kill you. As the elevator descends to the floor with parking lots you instantly press to the buttons and made the elevator stopped on the third floor. As the elevator doors open you jumped out and started to run. He was screaming and he started running behind you.

“STOP! STOP IM TELLING YOU OR ILL SHOOT YOU!”

You tried to run faster in the corridor to the doors but you felt an instant pain on your back. The pain that took your breath. The only thing that you were hearing was your blood running in your wains and muffled screams. You tried to continue running but you heard guns shoots again. Two of them hit you again while you no longer felt the power to continue running and you collapse to the floor. As you were trying to breathe on the floor you barely saw a man very far away, which is bruce, was running towards you. But you felt a grip on your arms, the man who shot you was gripping you on your arms and trying to take you to the edge of the balcony on the floor. You were screaming trying to lose his grip but you were powerless and losing blood. He lifted you as if you had no weight and threw you down from the balcony like you were nothing.

“(Y/N)!” Bruce screamed your name while you were falling from the third floor of the tower to the ground. You didn't feel the fall, your eyes closed as you fell. The last thing that you saw was Bruce was looking at you with horror in eyes and screaming your name.

------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up with the voice of machine beeping. You were lying in a hospital bed with cables everywhere. As you tried to look around you notice that you have a neck collar, and your arm and your leg were in bandages. As you tried to remember what was happened the door opened and a devastated looking Bruce come inside. When he saw that you were awake he seemed surprised and come quickly beside you.

“(Y/N)!, (Y/N) are you okay? Does somewhere hurt? How do you feel?” He held your hand while gripping your face.

“Hey,” You manage to say. He was looking at you with very quilt eyes.

“Hey.”

“I'm okay. What happened? H-how did I?”

Bruce seemed troubled with even more guilt in his face he said.

“I'm going to explain everything, darling. First I should call a doctor to tell them you are awake. Its been two days.”

Two days? That you were sleeping? The last thing that you remembered was the fall and the horror in bruce face.

Bruce goes out of the room and came back with a doctor in a few minutes and stood beside you.

“How are you feeling?” the doctor said.

“Fine, I think. What happened to me?”

“You’ve been shot from three parts, one on your back, on your arm, luckily it's just a scratch. And one bullet on your upper right leg. There is no life-threatening situation. We got the situation under control. The fall from the balcony caused you to hurt your neck, so you need to wear your neckband for a while. Also, there is no fracture on the arm and leg, but there is damage so you will need to use your bandages for a while and be careful while using them. You may feel pain due to injuries caused by falling on your waist, be careful while moving. The bullet hitting behind you stuck on your back without damaging any organ, we took it out with an operation. You are very lucky. We are now giving painkillers to make you comfortable. If you feel that the medicines are insufficient, you can just need to tell us. We will increase the dose.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

You couldn’t believe all the things that happened to you, that you almost died.

“Get rest now, you've been through a lot.”

After the doctor left the room, Bruce carefully sat on the bed and took your hand.

“It's all my fault,” he said with a very broken voice.

“No, don't be silly. You did nothing to be guilty.”

“It was my fault that he targeted you.” with every word he was saying he seemed like he was hating himself even more.

“What exactly happened? Who was he?” you manage to say.

“He was a former employee at Wayne Inc. When he was found to have stolen money from the company, he was fired with compensation. Apart from signing the exit documents of his, I had nothing to do with the incident, but as a company owner the whole incident remained on me, and led him to target you.” his voice cracked at the end of his sentence.

“He told me he wanted to harm you by hurting me.”

His eyes were full of tears. “And he did.”

“I'm fine, Bruce. There is nothing for you to blame yourself. You saved me. If it wasn’t for you, I would be- ”

“Don’t. Don’t say it.” he breathed out.

“I should have been faster. I suspect something when you didn't come from the restroom, but I didn't want to be paranoid. Then I went to the restroom to check you but I just found your bag on the ground. So I realized that something was wrong.”

“How did you find me?” you were wondering how he manages to find you in a very short of time.

“I-I-”

“How?”

He took a deep breath.

“I had placed a GPS device on you before. I just looked at it,” he said with an ashamed tone.

“Did you put a GPS device on me?” you were shocked.

“Yes (Y /N), because I have a lot of enemies, as Bruce Wayne or as Batman. I just wanted to protect you. If I hadn't put it on. Now you-” he didn’t want to complete his sentence but he spoke in a strong voice that knew he had done what had to be done.

“I would be dead,” you said it bluntly.

“No, don’t say that. I will always be going to look after you. I will never let anyone ever hurt you again. Never. Except if you don't want me to be with you anymore, but still I’ll protect you.” he said with a sorrow voice.

When you looked at his face you could see the fatigue on his face. His beard had grown as if he had not shaved, and his eyes looked tired as if he had not slept for days.

You knew that the only thing that he wants to do is protect you. And you understand that he has a lot of enemies, and with everything that he been thought he was trying to protect you with everything he has. You couldn’t blame him for that. And if he didn’t put that device on you, you would be long gone.

“I trust you that you would only use it when it’s necessary.”

“Of course.” he looked at you like you said the most stupid thing. “I trust you, too.”

“What happened to him?” You wanted to change the subject.

“I took care of him.” He said darkly as he clenched his teeth.

You looked into his eyes while clenching your hand to his.

“His been send to prison, and I made sure that he has the worst prison mates, I don’t think he can make it out.”

“Bruce.” you couldn’t know what to say.

“Don’t say anything. I don’t know what would I do if I lose you too. You are the most important thing to me. I’m sorry that I wasn’t completely honest with you and share my secret before. I was trying to protect you from my other identity as if this one is much safer. I’m sorry. I’m never going to let anybody ever hurt you again.”

“Bruce...” you were speechless.

“You did nothing to be sorry about. I understand you. And I don’t think that you need one but if you do, I forgive you.”

He looked at you with loving eyes. He, after days, seemed finally relaxed.

“I’m not gonna let you slip away from me ever again.”

“Don’t,” you said while smiling.

“No more secrets,” he said to you while he leaned forward to kiss you.

“No more secrets,” you repeated and you leaned front to kiss him back.

#bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne imagine #bruce wayne fanfiction #batman x reader #batfam #batman imagine #batman #batman imagines #bruce x reader #bruce wayne imagines #imagine #bruce wayne one shot #bruce wayne

152 notes · View notes