#in that 1) they are not as bad as the audience reaction suggested and 2) fit w/ the ideas & themes established in the last seasons

[antigonewinchester]

15x20

And we come to it... The End of Supernatural.

But we’ve got a double feature this time: because I watched 1x20 too. With 15x20 calling back to that ep so specifically, I thought I’d see what the finale looked like in its context.

There’s a lot of talk of how the early vs. later seasons differ visually in terms of lighting, cinematography, etc., but I was also struck in their difference in tone. There’s a sincerity to 1x20, not just in what’s happening but in how the writing takes itself & the situation seriously, while 15x20 is much lighter and humorous, verging into bathos at points. It’s exactly the same as the contemporary MCU/Disney blockbuster humor: never letting the tension build for too long and breaking it was jokes. Maybe I’m just a bit too earnest but this kind of humor rings really hollow to me. It often feels self-defensive, like the writer(s) are hyper aware of their audience & its reaction and so they make fun of themselves before the audience can make fun of them.

I’d forgotten The Twilight Zone reference early in 1x20; love that. All of the John - Sam - Dean family drama is so compelling -- Sam still hotheaded & angry, John caring but not willing to give up his authority, Dean the peacemaker in the middle of it all. (The rest under a cut because it got long.)

DEAN: What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die, and we coulda done something about it? You know I been thinking. I ...think maybe Sammy's right about this one. We should do this together. [SAM nods.] DEAN: We're stronger as a family, Dad. We just are. You know it. JOHN: We're running out of time. You do your job and you get out of the area. That's an order.

Kripke’s idea of ‘family as everything’ is the foundation of this ep. It’s also obviously about healing the original family estrangement in Sam leaving and John rejecting him for it--John has to relearn how to “believe” in family again, which first starts to happen when Sam & Dean rush into save him, and then he saves Sam, using a bullet from the Colt to kill Luther holding Sam hostage, even though it means one less chance to get the YED. If, as SW analyzed, Dean takes on John’s narrative role in S4/5 with Sam, then Dean is in this narrative position thru the entire rest of the show. For ex, in Dabb’s seasons, so much of the writing focuses on Dean not “believing” in or resenting/rejecting family, which drives almost all the emotional conflict. And then cue Dean’s heartfelt deathbed speech in 15x20 about how much he loves Sam & thinks Sam is such an amazing guy, right? The ultimate “I believe in family & love you so much” speech. Dean’s speech even parallels what Sam’s son tell him as he’s dying, so framing Dean in a parental role to the end: (”SAM No. / DEAN (softly pleading): Look at me. Look at me. I need... I need... I need you to tell me that it's okay. I need you to tell me... Tell me it's okay. / SAM (through tears) Dean... it's okay. You can go now.” versus “DEAN II: Dad. It's okay. You can go now.”)

With the Colt, what stood out on this watch was how even though it’s a weapon that can “kill anything,” it’s not divine or blessed or anything like that; it was just a gun made by Samuel Colt for ordinary human hunters. Given how fantastical the show gets by the end, the Colt is grounded in a satisfying way. In order to fight creatures stronger than they are, people will make a tool that’ll allow them to overcome all that, just through sheer human ingenuity & stubbornness.

Jenny is the obvious throughline between these two eps, but there’s also John being integral to both (returning in 1x20, Sam & Dean figuring out the case thru his journal in 15x20) and both eps dealing with vampires. In 15x20, the situation is clearly meant to be a mirror reflection of Sam and Dean’s family tragedy: vampires invade a house, kill the father instead of the mother (but leaving her traumatized and unable to speak, literally & metaphorically) and steal the 2 kids away, but ending more happily with Sam & Dean saving the kids. There’s also again shades of sexual violence against children, in the vampires not just killing the kids but keeping them alive for years, both to feed and feed on them. If it’s more alluded to in 15x20, then it’s literal in 1x20, with vampires intertwined with sexual violence all over the ep: Kate & Luther making out / getting ready to have sex while Jenny watches, with Kate then turning Jenny by assaulting her with a kiss (complete w/ incestuous undertones in Luther then saying “Welcome home”); John looming over Kate and Luther like a creepy stalker when they all invade the vampires’s nest; Dean playing bait and drawing the vamps out, with Kate assaulting Dean very similarly to how she did Jenny. The ‘Dean playing bait’ scene was also interesting in that Dean is very much vulnerable (what if Kate had just gone for his neck?) while the masculine violence of the Winchesters is highlighted as well... John & Sam shooting Kate and the other vamp, John coming in with “sweetheart” to Kate when he confronts her, Dean taking Kate off in a bridal carry, a parody of the real thing. They’re both the hunted and hunters.

SAM (crying) Then don't leave me. Don't leave me. I can't do this alone. DEAN Yes, you can. SAM Well, I don't want to. DEAN Hey. I'm not leaving you. I'm gonna be with you... [DEAN is crying as he places his fist over SAM’S heart.] Right here... every day. ... DEAN Goodbye, Sam. Goodbye.

Telling that it was Jackles and Jarpad who added in those callbacks to Sam & Dean’s dialogue in the pilot, not Dabb. Good for them, tho.

I’m surprised I’ve never seen a comparison made between Dean’s death and Jack’s departure in 15x19! If Jack is a Christ figure, then Dean is a messiah figure, and those figures very often die; both Dean and Jack gave up a chance at a normal life to save the world & protect the people they love, Dean as a hunter & Jack as God; they both do the “I’ll still be with you, in your heart” gesture; it ends with both Jack and Dean saying goodbye, and they both then go onto to ascend to Heaven or a heavenly place. People talk about how Jack’s ending is messed up because he’s just a kid with too much responsibility put on his head, but the show idealizes / does the same thing with Dean, in how much it valorizes Dean’s protection of Sam. I think back to Jarpad’s quote talking about the finale that got people in a huff (“It was a success story — it was Dean’s success story,” Padalecki reflects on the “Supernatural” series finale. “This guy gave his life for years and years and years and ultimately gave his life to have his No. 1 on the planet live as normal a life as possible.”) but like? Doesn’t this attitude seem exactly how the show viewed Sam & Dean at this point?

I’ve also seen people talk pretty cynically about Dean’s death and as much as I’m not a fan of Dean dying I also just cannot read it as cynically as some people do. Dean didn’t die because he “couldn’t live a normal life,” he died because the show set up the “Dean = chooses the hunting life, Sam = wants a normal life” framing back in S12, Dabb’s first season, which culminates here in Dabb’s last, with Dean dying on a hunt after saving 2 kids from something horrible, and Sam going on to live without Dean and having a ‘normal’ life, wife, a son, even if he deep down he longs to be with Dean again. If Dean most represents “the family” in the narrative, then of course he couldn’t get a wife and kid like Sam could; that would be Dean choosing to have another family over Sam, and that wouldn’t work with Dean’s narrative role. In S15 too, Dean’s death also fits thematically with the emphasis within the last season on making sacrifices and dying for what you love and the people you saved living on after that sacrifice. Ketch, Rowena, Cas, Jack (sort of), Dean, to name some major ones. There’s also that Sam dying & Dean living on would be a repeat of Swan Song, so I can see why they would’ve wanted to avoid that plot beat because they’d already done it once. If anything, I’d say Dean’s death echoes his one in 3x16: telling Sam to carry on without him, Sam being unable to prevent his death, but this time instead of going to Hell, Dean ends up in Heaven. And Dean gets narratively rewarded with the perfect, best Heaven ever! The one that is stated he deserves!! I just don’t see how that translates into the writers seeing Dean as not normal or having something wrong with him?

OKAY last few things: I actually like the regular “Carry On Wayward Son” and then the cover version, what can I say. Despite ppl saying Dean spent however many odd decades in Heaven waiting for Sam, it’s clearly implied he only waited a short time in Bobby saying “Time up here, it's... it's different,” which is calling back to Hell’s time dilation, Dean’s 40′s years, and his now only spending a few minutes separate from Sam in comparison. And while I 100% understand not liking the finale, it’s kind of fascinating to me that the finale basically framed it as a final, fantastic Happy Ending for Sam & Dean, they are at peace for all eternity, isn’t that so nice, and parts of the fandom somehow read it as a tragic or unhappy ending. It’s just... so clearly not. It is if you wanted to the story to end another way, but c’mon, the story wasn’t going to end another way. It ended as it started, the Epic Love Story of Sam & Dean.

#i did it. finally!! #spn rewatch #season 15 #sam & dean #sam #dean #it's also HILARIOUS to me that my reaction to game of thrones S8 and spn S15 were basically the same #in that 1) they are not as bad as the audience reaction suggested and 2) fit w/ the ideas & themes established in the last seasons #i understand not liking them. but they weren't random or out of nowhere or betraying the story

[indigovigilance]

A Nightingale Sang in 1941

This is my inaugural meta (yay!) Eventually I will learn how to add gifs and whatnot to make this more interesting but today, I give you a wall of text.

I need to give credit where credit is due to three existing metas that I’m drawing upon heavily here:

A speculative continuation of the 1941 story, which includes an almost-kiss while “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” plays on the gramophone,

A behavioral analysis of Aziraphale during the S2E6 finale (will find ref later if possible)

A meta-analysis of the way in which “coffee” is used as a symbolic equivalent for liberty and freedom of choice, a running theme of this show (will find ref later if possible)

I’m going to expand upon meta #2 and #3 and explain why I think there is are very compelling reasons to believe that #1 will be canonized.

At the end of S1E6, an instrumental version of “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” plays diegetically, but the lyrical version plays non-diegetically over the credits (we hear it but the protagonists don’t). So we the audience could plausibly say “that’s their song,” but as of the close of S1, we have no reason to believe that they know that it’s their song. Even Aziraphale’s S1E3 (1967) suggestion that they dine at the Ritz could be a reference that only he gets, or just a fancy restaurant suggestion.

So when I was watching S2E6 and Crowley said “no nightingales,” I was jarred. What does that even mean? We know it has something to do with dining at the Ritz, but what does it mean to them? The reference only works if they know it’s their song. But we’ve only ever seen them hear it together after the averted apocalypse; if this is the direct reference that Crowley is making, it leaves our 1967 reference contextless and twisting in the wind.

If we assume that there was a romantic story beat in 1941, wherein “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” (which, incidentally, was written in 1939 and saw the height of its popularity at the end of 1940, so timeline-wise it’s spot-on) became their song, then a lot of events get renewed interpretations through this lens, in a way that makes this story much more cohesive and the “no nightingales” comment even more soul-shattering than it already was.

Let’s presume that immediately after this became their song and just as they were discovering their romantic potential, they were forced back into hiding. Forever after, references to the song serve as a macro for “I’d like to pick up where we left off that night.”

The 1967 suggestion of “dining at the Ritz” now becomes a directly romantic suggestion. It also gives better context for “you go too fast for me.”

Actually going to the Ritz in 2019 is not simply a celebration or even a callback to 1967, it’s a callback to their almost-romance of 1941.

When Crowley says “no nightingales” in 2023, this isn’t to say “we’re not going to eat together at the Ritz anymore.” It’s saying that the romance that began that night, the precious, fragile romance, is over.

I’ll give you a moment to dry your eyes before we move on to metas #2 and #3.

In light that this is what has been going on - they know they want a romantic relationship but have gotten so used to hiding and denying it that they are more comfortable keeping the status quo static and quo-y then trying to achieve their ideal - a lot of S2 behavior can get a fresh view.

Crowley’s reaction to Nina isn’t a realization that he’s in love - he knew that already. You can only ask someone to run away with you so many times before you are forced to admit some things to yourself. No, he’s realizing that trying to hide it (which was justified by survival), hasn’t been working, but despite failing at being stealth nothing bad has happened. He’s realizing that it may finally be safe to show it.

Crowley’s confession, then, is not a revelation. It’s making the subtext text. He’s not telling Aziraphale anything he didn’t already know. He’s saying it now because he thinks he’s safe to do so. Pin in that.

Lots of people have lots of theories about Aziraphale’s motivations in the S2 finale, which can more or less be divided into 4 camps: the genuinely held belief, the coffee theory, the lie theory, and the mutual trick theory (some version of the body-switching at the end of S1). Let me start by saying that I love all the fans and all their theories and I find their analyses to be insightful. The genuinely held belief theory, while I believe it to be erroneous, has been incredibly conducive to so many wonderful conversations and I love being in a community that has those conversations. But I’m going to explain why I think the lie theory finds the most support in canon.

Re-watch the finale (when you feel like you can) from 35:18 to 36:19 and then from 40:45 to the end, paying very close attention to Aziraphale’s words and his eyes. Michael Sheen is telling us a LOT with his eyes, and in the back half of the finale scene, with pacing.

For 60 seconds of footage, this setup is doing a lot of work. If Neil Gaiman wasn’t doing enough to beat us over the head with how evil the Metatron is, that glare at Crowley at the end with the non-diegetic ominous horns should convey the message. But again, focusing on Aziraphale. He initially refuses to talk to the Metatron; he’s made his position quite clear. There is no hint of regret or wavering; this is not someone who’s aching to return to the fold. The Metatron ignores his refusal and functionally forces him to accept a “cup of coffee.” The coffee isn’t spiked, but it is a metaphor. It is symbolic of choice. The Metatron is going to force Aziraphale to make a choice. Meta #3 does a great job of exploring the idea that a choice between anything and death is never really a choice. Hang onto that thought.

Notice I had you start up again 3 seconds before “The Conversation.” That’s because it’s important to note where the Metatron is right now. He is across the street, staring straight in through those giant windows to where our protagonists are about to have The Conversation. He is watching.

When Aziraphale returns, Crowley begins his “let me talk” riff. Aziraphale ought to be interested in what Crowley has to say, since the preamble is pretty compelling. You’ll notice that Aziraphale quickly turns to the window and back, through which he (but not we) can see the Metatron standing there, watching them. Aziraphale is then doing his best to get Crowley to STFU without raising the suspicion of the Metatron, eventually having to cut him off.

Because unfortunately, Crowley’s entire impetus for speaking up now is that it’s safe to do so. Only Aziraphale knows that they are in very real danger (or at least, Crowley is, but I’ll come back to that).

You might take something from the fact that he’s shaking his head while talking about “incredibly good news,” and seems to self-censor his criticism of Metatron (or more specifically, he takes ownership of any criticism of the Metatron, censoring out Crowley’s role in that, with the emphasis on I in “I might have misjudged him”).

Notice in the flashback that he begins the conversation reasonably relaxed. The Metatron also says a series of things about him that not only are false, but everyone, including the Metatron and Crowley, know are false: Aziraphale is not a leader, he’s a defector; he’s not honest, he lies all the time, in fact this entire season revolved around his one huge lie of hiding Gabriel. Not only does the justification not make sense coming from Metatron, but it shouldn’t make sense that Aziraphale would accept these reasons and it shouldn’t make sense to Crowley either. So is Aziraphale including these details in his recounting to Crowley so that he will get suspicious and figure out the jig? Maybe. Let’s continue.

Immediately upon being offered the job of Supreme Archangel, Aziraphale says “but I don’t want to go back to Heaven.” This is direct evidence against the genuinely held belief theory. If returning to Heaven and making a difference was a genuine motivation, we would have gotten a different response at this moment. But then we get something more.

“Where would I get my coffee?”

This is a beautiful response for a number of reasons; coffee should be trivial compared to the opportunity to be a Supreme Archangel, so it serves to highlight just how little interest Aziraphale has in returning. Taken at face value, it’s the Aziraphale equivalent of “not even at gunpoint.” But remember that coffee is a metaphor for liberty in this universe and this season. So what Aziraphale just said, in the language of Neil Gaiman metaphors, is:

I don’t want to go back to Heaven, I would rather have free will.

What does the Metatron do next?

He brings up Crowley.

Watch Aziraphale’s eyes before and after the mention of Crowley. He goes from confused to eye-flicking panic in the space of two syllables. Aziraphale already understands that his “no” is not being accepted, and that bringing Crowley into it can only possibly serve as a threat.

So the coffee, the choice, is a false choice. No one ever orders death. The Metatron has forced Aziraphale into a situation that looks an awful lot like a choice (it comes in a blue cup, after all) but it isn’t.

We definitely have some reliable narrator problems here. I’m going to presume for purposes of analysis that these cut-outs are accurate but incomplete, and that a more explicit threat about what would happen to Crowley if Aziraphale did not return to Heaven was made.

If we assume that Aziraphale has been made aware of a threat and is trying to hide that from Crowley, the rest of this scene reads very differently. Aziraphale cannot say, “you are in danger but you will be safe if you swear your allegiance to Heaven” or “I have to go, no matter what, and the only way we can be together is if you come with me,” but nonetheless he now has to convince Crowley to do the one thing he ought to know Crowley definitely doesn’t want to do all through subtext. Which we’ve spent an entire season establishing that they can’t communicate well when they are allowed to use their words. Disastrously, this is not a magic trick that Aziraphale can make work when it counts. Their failure to practice good communication means that, right now, when it counts most, they are not going to pull it off.

We see that Aziraphale is very hopeful that Crowley will pick up on his cues and play along. Obviously, he doesn’t.

If the whole riff about Hell being bad guys and Heaven being the side of truth and light is taken as genuine, it discards a massive amount of character development that we’ve witnessed in Job, Edinburgh, etc. (again, to all the genuine belief subscribers, I think it’s a compelling argument but it simply doesn’t account for the evidence). So if it’s not genuine, why say it? Again, to alert Crowley that something is Off, because Crowley should know that Aziraphale doesn’t actually believe that. They saved humanity from Heaven and Hell. They hid Gabriel from Heaven and Hell. Crowley knows that Aziraphale knows that Heaven and Hell are just two sides of the same coin. Notice again that Aziraphale glances out the window while he’s talking up Heaven; he knows the Metatron is watching, he can’t not defend the position of Heaven. I think it’s also worth noting that Aziraphale forcefully glances and gestures off to Crowley’s left (away from the window) when talking about Hell, and then turns his head to Crowley’s right (towards the window) to try to get him to realize that a representative of Heaven is literally standing right over there, just look out the window please dumbass!

When Crowley is asking Aziraphale if he said no, and we see the back of Aziraphale’s head, again we can see him turn his head to glance out the window. This is also when he changes strategies, and admits that Heaven could use a little reform. Because now there’s a problem almost as big as getting caught, which is that he won’t be able to get Crowley to go with him.

Which unfortunately makes the next part of this so much more heartbreaking. Because when Crowley begins his speech about being a team, Aziraphale wants to hear it. He can’t bring himself to shut down Crowley again, even though it could get them both in massive trouble. Notice that he glances out the window again during this, and the look of panic on his face. He begins to shake his head when Crowley mentions that Heaven and Hell are toxic; this can be taken a lot of ways but I’ll argue for the interpretation that he’s trying to get Crowley to STFU and stop saying shit that could get him destroyed.

After Crowley puts on his sunglasses we are in the “back half” and Sheen is doing a lot with phrasing here, specifically pregnant pauses.

“Come with me… to Heaven!”

“We can be together… as angels!”

Based on the pacing decision I am thoroughly convinced that the first half of each of these statements is intended to be the message to Crowley and the second half is always a qualifying statement to satisfy the Metatron.

Unfortunately, these pregnant pauses are completely backfiring in their effect on Crowley. The sentiment gives him hope and the qualifying statement crushes it again immediately. He is being taken on a horrible emotional rollercoaster with these declarations which are only further amping up his instinct to run away.

The only truly genuine, unaldulterated statement I think we get from Aziraphale is

“I need you!”

When it becomes clear to Aziraphale that there’s been an irreparable breakdown of communication between them and the subtext is not getting across, he says:

“I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you.”

He means this literally. Crowley has not understood that Aziraphale is offering him protection from whatever threat the Metatron has made.

Which makes this part extra-devastating and also absolutely in keeping with a major running theme of this season.

“I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do.”

Your understanding and my understanding are different understandings.

Crowley views the offer to return to Heaven through the lens of his trauma. He understands what life in Heaven would be like. But he doesn’t understand that Aziraphale is offering him protection.

But Aziraphale just heard Crowley say that he understood everything, and he’s still going to leave. There might be a little suspense of disbelief here to believe that Aziraphale really interpreted the statement this way, but we know that Aziraphale isn’t always the brightest battery-operated candle in the drawer. So under the assumption that Crowley did understand him and is still rejecting the offer, rejecting him—

“Well, then there’s nothing more to say.”

Please pay very close attention to Aziraphale’s body language for the next part. He’s active, agitated, turning side to side, arms swinging. This is a very fidgety angel.

“No nightingales.”

Aziraphale is now completely still. He’s feeling that feeling. You know it. The one where your entire body is getting sucked into the pit of your stomach. The aching paralysis.

This is their song, the one that began their romance in 1941, the secret code for all other attempts at flirtation. Crowley has walked out on him before, Aziraphale has been stubborn and obstinate before. But they always came back together, sometimes with an apology dance or other rituals that belonged solely to them.

But now the song is over.

By saying this, Crowley has broken up with Aziraphale. We can see in Aziraphale’s sudden transition from fidgety to paralysis that he has understood it this way.

Then he turns away from the window so that the Metatron won’t see him cry.

The kiss was heart-wrenching already. But we’re not done with this analysis.

During the kiss, Aziraphale has a choice to make between two very compelling bad choices. This is the Job dilemma. But worse.

If he doesn’t kiss Crowley back, he will let Crowley think that he doesn’t love him. He will have missed out on this (maybe/probably their first kiss?) and regret it forever.

If he does kiss Crowley back, in full view of the Metatron, they are in deep trouble.

He seems to do his best to split the difference. I would even go so far to say that the awkward arm waving is Aziraphale acting for the Metatron’s benefit, to try to portray that he doesn’t want this even though he absolutely does (just not like this). The anguish when they break the kiss is absolutely real, and the first thing he does is glance out the window. Through all this he has remained painfully aware of their spectator.

He wants to say I love you. He mouths it. He breathes it.

But the Metatron is watching.

He can’t tell Crowley I love you. So he has to say the only other thing that has always unequivocally meant “I love you” when he said it to Crowley. He has to hope that Crowley understands him now, even though he never has before.

Spoiler alert: Crowley doesn’t.

My forgiveness and your forgiveness are not the same forgiveness.

One more point against the genuine belief fans (I love you): if the offer to let Crowley back in is what changed his mind, then Crowley declining removes that incentive. Aziraphale should/would have consequently retreated to his last stated position of “I don’t want to go back to Heaven, where would I get my Crowley—I mean, coffee?” [post-publication nod to @theonevoice for a great little meta] It simply doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.

I think a lot of fans were already making these assumptions about the use of the nightingale song so this meta may not feel revelatory, however, it isn’t canon (yet), and I’m sure I’ll find company that agree that canonization of this connection would strengthen a lot of these story points, as evidenced by how it is already assumed by many fans.

If you made it to the end - omg thank you! Please leave a note and tell me your thoughts!

Bonus: somebody already made the song connection here

~~~

if you liked this, you may also like:

Book of Life and what it means for Crowley

The Erasure of Human!Metatron

Baraqiel and Azazel

~~~

Recommended related (lie theory) metas by other people:

making the subtext text by @theonevoice

Aziraphale's Decision Matrix by @yowlthinks

Nothing Lasts Forever: META by @phoen1xr0se

#good omens #good omens 2 #neil gaiman #coffee theory #lie theory #no nightingales #metatron #good omens meta #the metatron #good omens 2x06 #fuck metatron #metatron good omens #good omens 1941 #michael sheen #crowley #aziracrow #aziraphale x crowley #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #ivoc

[babydr]

Car-Hammer: In Defence of a Death Threat

Hey everyone, I fell down a rabbithole after the banning of predstrogen and I had a humor class I needed to do a presentation for a humor class. it's an analysis of the ban and the reactions to it. I figured I should post it because it really opened my eyes to the humor here on tumblr and how it was weaponized. Also I spent hella time on it.

1. Thesis

In this presentation, I am going to analyze the ban of a popular Tumblr user, Predstrogen. Through this analysis, I’ll be able to shed light on the style of humor that is unique to the website, the way that style of humor keeps communities on Tumblr safe, and the way that Tumblr’s CEO tried and failed to silence that humor by villainizing it.

That was a mouthful; now let me explain.

2. Predstrogren

Predstrogen is the username of a blogger by the name of Rita.

A few weeks ago, she posted a transition timeline, a style of post coined by trans people to show their gender transformation progress.

The post was marked as explicit, and Rita was banned.

The misidentification of posts by trans people as sexual content is actually a common occurrence on social media sites (Haimson 5-6),

but it is especially bad on Tumblr, which is ironic considering that it has actively branded itself as the queerest place on the internet. (tumblr dot com the website and app [tumblr]).

3. Matt Mullenweg

Predstrogen was a very popular blog, and this blatant example of discrimination made people frustrated. One user even reached out to the CEO of Tumblr, Matt Mullenweg, to ask him about the ban.

He made a lot of different points in his response, but most importantly in our case, he claimed that the reason Progesterone was banned was because she made threats against Tumblr staff.

Tumblr users were not happy with this response, and one of them asked for an example of a threat. Mullenweg obliged, and posted this:

4. The Threat

This did not satisfy the Tumblr audience. Mullenweg was mocked into oblivion.

But,

He is correct. This is technically a death threat. So why didn’t Tumblr users see it that way?

5. Transgender People and Humor on Tumblr

In Kahente gah-han-de Horn-Miller’s essay “IO STER IS” (yo-ster-is), she discusses the ways that First Peoples use humor.

Obviously, there is a wide gap between the plight of First Peoples and the plight of trans Tumblr users, but many of her points ring true in both cases.

Horn-Miller states that, due to the difference in world views between people groups in First Peoples humor, “What may appear to be funny to some may not be funny at all to others.” (Horn-Miller 22) This is also true for Tumblr’s trans community. The brand of humor in Rita’s “threat” is obvious to anyone who is engaged with the community, but may be incomprehensible to an “untrained eye.”

Horn-Miller also states that the humor of First Peoples is pointed, aiming to “critique, to probe the limits of [their] values and to suggest new possibilities.” (Horn-Miller 40)

This is exactly what Rita was trying to do with her “death threat.” In fact, Rita made a comment underneath the original post clarifying this:

The lack of punctuation is another Tumblr tone indication that this is a sarcastic comment. With this, Rita is clarifying that her joke was a sort of litmus test, a critique of Tumblr’s moderation standards. She was trying to see how long it would take for Tumblr to crack down on her for a joke, as the website was actively dragging its feet moderating real bad actor elements like TERFs. This brings me to my second point…

6. Keep Yourself Safe

Tumblr’s weak moderation policy has hurt trans people, but it has also bolstered anti-trans sentiment. A large community of TERF’s [Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists] thrive on the site without much moderation to keep them away. (Felts 57-58, Hairedtin 68) This has obviously generated backlash.

Take this post, which went viral shortly after Rita’s ban, for example.

This post may look simplistic, even crass, on the surface, but dismissing it as such would do it a disservice.

In her essay, “Teasing, Teaching, Tolerating”, Kristina Fagan, like Horn-Miller, examines humor in the First Peoples communities. Once again, these are vastly different communities, but certain concepts carry over. Fagan claims that the humor that First Peoples cultivate usually has multiple lessons embedded within it. It is rare, she claims, that their humor simply “demonstrates unsuitable behavior.” Instead, it explores “troublesome or contradictory areas of life.” (Fagan 31)

By examining this post through a similar lens, we can see that the humor is not simply demonstrating the unsuitable behavior of telling someone to end their life, but is instead exploring the contradictions inherent to our transphobic world.

Why is it okay for transphobes to tell trans people to kill themselves by denying their identity or their access to medical care or access to their communities [lesson 1], but it isn’t okay to tell transphobes to do the same thing [lesson 2]?

7. Keep Yourself Safe - 2

These aren’t the only lessons, though.

Let’s examine a comment made on this post by another user.

In chapter 8 of his book Laughter and Ridicule: Towards a Social Critique of Humor, Michael Billig comments on the paradoxical quality of humor as both social and anti-social. Humor can bring people together, and also maintain social order via exclusion. (Billig 22)

The transgender community understands the context of this joke, and thus finds it funny. Moreover, they can find community within this joke, knowing that everyone who finds it funny knows these same truths. The “cishet” elements, not understanding this truth, take issue with this post. Thus, they are effectively marked and driven away by what appears to them as “blatant terrorism.” In this way, the insular community can keep itself safe from outside elements that would threaten them while also outwardly mocking those elements, a defence that is necessitated by the lack of competent moderation.

8. Poor Little Mullenweg

In an attempt to portray himself as a victim, Mullenweg villainized Rita by posting her joke and deliberately misinterpreting it.

In this way, he engaged in unlaughter, a term coined by Billig in his essay. Unlaughter, Billig says, can be “itself a rhetorical presence, speaking volumes of criticism,” effectively silencing laughter. (Billig 16)

Unfortunately, this silencing attempt failed.

Billig explains, “Just as joke-tellers cannot guarantee themselves a reaction of laughter… unlaughter, cannot guarantee to silence the laughter of others… Unlaughter is a favourite target for the laughter of ridicule.” (Billig 17)

In this case, the unlaughter failed because of the context surrounding Mullenweg.

9. Poor Little Mullenweg - 2

In her essay “Comedian Mike Ward v. The Quebec Human Rights Commission”, Christelle Pare examines a defamation case against comedian Mike Ward, brought on by his jokes about a young disabled boy, Jeremy Gabriel. In Ward’s set, he goes as far as joking about drowning Gabriel.

Pare argues Ward’s case, claiming that his jokes were permissible in the context of his “dark humor standup” and that he never intended to harm Gabriel. (Pare, 122)

Rita’s defenders are engaging in a similar argument, claiming that her joke was permissible in the context of “Tumblr” humor (which I have just defined) and that she obviously had no intention to harm Mullenweg.

More importantly, the context that surrounds Rita’s joke is not one of discrimination. Mullenweg is not a disabled child; he is the millionaire CEO of Tumblr. He is not a sympathetic victim.

10. Poor Little Mullenweg - 3

Still, Mullenweg does not falter. Billig claims that “ridicule can be more hurtful than hatred.” (Billeg 19)

Mullenweg, unable to handle his ridicule, is racing towards hatred. In an attempt to weasel out from under the laughter of the Tumblr community, he has refused to engage in the criticism levied against him.

Instead, he is doubling down. So far, he’s made multiple posts smearing Rita, posted her private usernames in an attempt to shame her, and mocked other users for supporting her.

11. What Now?

Interestingly enough, a group of trans Tumblr staff made a post condemning the actions of their boss and CEO, calling them “unwarranted and harmful.” They also plainly state that the car-hammer post quote “does not meet our definition of a realistic threat of violence.” They are in on the joke. They understand what the transgender community has gone through. They end by stating their commitment to preventing harassment and encouraging trans expression on the site. (Staff)

Predstrogen’s ban was unwarranted and harmful, yes, but it was really just a small symptom of a larger system that classifies all forms of trans expression as sexual. By deliberately misinterpreting the humor that transgender communities on Tumblr cultivate and use to keep themselves safe, Mullenweg villainized a trans woman and was made a laughingstock.

By turning himself into a figure of ridicule, Tumblr users who were otherwise unsympathetic to Rita’s cause were galvanized. This is a bitter-sweet point for Rita, who spoke about her experience on another social media site. (clownkiwi) She’s glad that light is being shed on this situation, but is disgruntled that focus is squarely on Mullenweg and not the bigger issue of trans censorship on Tumblr and the internet at large. If people really cared about the censorship that trans women go through on social media sites, she claims, they would have spoken up sooner.

Even after all this, it’s still not about trans women. It’s about the cis guy in power.

#Tumblr staff #Rita #predstrogen #matt mullenweg #photomatt #transmisogyny #staff #transgender #trans rights #🚗🔨⚒️💥 #transfem rights #trans woman #transgirl #transfem #mtf trans #drama #avewy #tumblr drama

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those who are not aware, I have decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s Queer Cinema Syllabus and have officially started Unit 2: Race, Disability, and Class. The films in Unit 2 are: The Way He Looks (2014), Being 17 (2016), Naz and Maalik (2015), The Obituary of Tunde Johnson (2019), Margarita With a Straw (2014), and My Beautiful Laundrette (1985)

Today I will be writing about

The Way He Looks (2014) dir. Daniel Ribeiro

(image descriptions in alt text)

[Available on Amazon, Run Time- 1:36, Language: Portuguese]

Summary: Leonardo is a blind teenager searching for independence. His everyday life, the relationship with his best friend, Giovana, and the way he sees the world change completely with the arrival of Gabriel. 

Cast Ghilherme Lobo as Leonardo, a blind teenager Fabio Audi as Gabriel, Leonardo’s love interest Tess Amorim as Giovana, Leonardo’s best friend

__

I will tell you right now that I was so excited when I saw this on Ben’s list of films. I remember watching the 15 minute short I Don’t Want to Go Back Alone that was made in 2011, with the same premise and actors. The popularity of that short resulted in the creation of a feature length film that aired in 2014. I have not seen this movie probably since 2014, but I remember that I deeply deeply loved both the short and the feature film. 

So though there are a metric fuck ton of movies on this list, and it would honestly be smarter overall of me to skip over the films I have already seen. There is no way in hell that I will be doing that for this film. I would like to experience the nostalgia, thank you very much. 

As a note, while I am slowly starting to embrace “disabled” as an identity for myself, I do not have Leo’s disability, and would be curious to hear if anyone who is legally blind has seen this film and what their thoughts on the portrayal of blindness in it is. Obviously you do not have to do that. So with the acknowledgement that the actor who plays Leonardo is not blind in real life, I think it is time to talk about this film!

I love that you can tell immediately this is going to be a gay film because it opens with a pool scene, and as we should all know by now, the pools are for the gays. I think this film does an incredible job of setting up Leonardo’s blindness for the audience both in the way that she does not properly disguise her smile at the joking suggestion that Leo and her kiss because she knows Leo can’t see her reactions as well as in the very casual way Leo continues to talk to Giovanna after she has dipped underneath the water again because he cannot see where she went.

I like that much of Leonardo’s character really revolves around straining against the barriers his parents have placed around him, and being a normal teenager. It is very important to me in pieces that include disability that the disabled person is portrayed as close to a normal person as they can be. Leonardo doesn’t communicate with his parents when he decides to stay out late, he sneaks out of his house, he has a crush on a boy he isn’t quite sure likes him back. Walt Junior in Breaking Bad gets in fights with his parents and gets mad at his mom because she takes away the fancy car Walt bought him. Heart in Moonlight Chicken sneaks out, and wants to learn how to drive a moped, and work a job.

It is possible to show where someone’s limitations are and the adaptations that exist as a result of them, while ensuring that you are not doing what Leo’s mother is often doing and infantilizing her teenage son because she is worried about his safety (which is like, also just a Mom thing so I’ve heard). 

Something that I have noticed in a few of the romance plots that involve disabled characters (since this entire syllabus is a build up to watching BLs I will use The Way He Looks and Moonlight Chicken as my comparison points here) is that the disabled character is often treated with kid gloves by the people who have known them the longest, and that a new character comes in that is generally unfamiliar with their disability, can forget they have it, and generally treats the disabled character with far more normalcy than the rest of their friends and family. 

And that trend exists in both The Way He Looks and in Moonlight Chicken. In Moonlight Chicken, Li Ming meets Heart, doesn’t understand that he is Deaf initially, but then does start learning sign language, but even as he learns sign language sometimes he will catch himself starting to speak without signing, forgetting that Heart can’t hear him, and then he will stop mid-sentence and correct his behavior. In The Way He Looks, Gabriel frequently makes comments or suggests activities that rely on sight and remind Leonardo and the audience that Gabriel forgets about Leo’s disability. I like this in the way that Leo is trying to show the people in his life that he can be independent, and they are having a difficult time adjusting to that reality. His parents worry for his safety and Giovanna wants to believe that Leo needs to rely on her and her help because she has a crush on him and wants to keep him close. 

And while I am not blind, and I do not interact frequently with blind people in person, I will say that one of my favorite moments in this film is when Gabriel walks Leo home by himself for the first time, and forgets to tell Leo about possible hazards on the sidewalk. This continues to affirm that while there are positives to Gabriel forgetting Leo’s disability in terms of allowing Leo to have more freedom and to get new experiences, like going to the movies, that Gabriel isn’t perfect and that for all the independence Leo wants, there are going to be things that he will want or need help with that people have to be prepared to enact. I love this moment too for the fact that Gabriel apologies, Leo says “it’s alright, you’ll warn me next time” and still allows Gabriel to keep their arms linked while also pulling out his cane so that he can have a safer and more secure understanding of the sidewalk in front of him and identify any potential hazards himself. And I love even more that he continues to use his cane for days or weeks after he stumbles over a tripping hazard until Gabriel tells him he can put the cane away (an indication that he feels comfortable with his role in helping Leo navigate without having to be explicit about it).

There are lots of wonderful little details in Ghilherme’s performance, and even in the props and sets. More than once in the movie, someone will touch Leonardo, kiss him on the cheek, etc and he will very subtly jerk back, caught off guard by not being able to see the action coming. You can see his walking cane sticking out of the side pocket of his backpack. At home, Leo is frequently in the dark, which is double fun because lots of gay shit happens in the dark, and because it is yet another subtle reminder that Leo is totally blind. He has no use for lights.

I like that Leo’s friends and teachers don’t just let abuse happen to him, and will interject if they see classmates act out of line, but I also appreciate that Leo does not really seem that bothered or impacted by the bullying he faces. We never see him breakdown about it, we never really see him lose his spark. He never appears to be worried about what people will do or say to him. His biggest hang up for about half the film is the fact that his best friend is mad at  him and won’t talk to him, and that he wants to study abroad. That is primarily what he worries about. Yet he isn’t one of the stoic sufferers either, we get to see those little moments of self consciousness, when he says he can’t dance, when he waits to go in to the showers until everyone else has left because it’s awkward, etc. 

I love that there is not suffering in this film, even as there are direct and indirect references to ableism and homophobia. Leo’s bullies make comments about how being friends with Gabriel have turned Leo more masculine, they make comments about Gabriel and Leo being in a relationship just because they are linking arms to Gabriel can guide him, Gabriel kisses Leo and then runs away immediately afterwards. Leo’s bullies wave their fingers an inch in front of Leo’s face close enough where he feels something is maybe off but can’t tell what it would be, they make comments about the machine he uses to take notes, they try to get him to kiss a dog during the spin the bottle game. And for all that these moments of cruelty exist, the bullies are literally silenced at the end and the main bully is made to look like a fool with the acknowledgement of Gabriel and Leonardo’s relationship. All of the bully’s friends start laughing at him, when Leo stops and takes Gabriel’s hand. Giovana is upset that Leo has a crush on Gabriel, not because he is gay, but because she had a crush on Leo and is realizing that she has no chance with him. 

Considering this is a movie in the race, disability, and class section I do kind of wish that we could have gotten a bit further into the intersection of disability and queerness here, two oppressed and marginalized identities.  But ultimately, it is not that kind of film and that is totally okay. 

By, For, About 

Again, I do not know for certain the sexuality of the people who are involved in the storytelling elements of this show, but I think I am leaning towards By and About queer people. Because being queer is not the central aspect of this story to me, rather the mounting desire for independence and general high school friend drama is far more prominent of a theme in this film, I do not think it is for queer people. 

It is wonderful, and there are many moments in it that do not let you forget these characters are queer. Leo masturbates wearing Gabriel’s hoodie, Gabriel sees Leo naked in the shower and gets a boner, etc. But for me this story is about possibility, independence, friendship, and love rather than The Queer Experience™. 

Favorite Moment 

I am torn between two. The first being the movie theater scene and the second being the eclipse scene. Ultimately they have similar vibes which is why it’s hard for me to choose.

In the movie theater scene, Gabriel has just prior learned that he and Leo both wanted to procrastinate on their history project, and Gabriel suggests they go see a movie, forgetting Leo can’t see. But Leo agrees to go, and we get this really beautiful moment of Leo getting a chance to lean in close to Gabriel (ah the intricate rituals to touch the skin of other men) and to ask him to narrate what is going on. I love it because it shows us this gentle way of Leo helping Gabriel to adapt the theater experience, and the fact that they are whispering back and forth to one another feels like they are telling secrets, even as Gabriel is simply telling Leo what he is seeing on screen. I love too the aftermath of that movie trip being that Giovana is upset that she wasn’t invited, and though we don’t get much more than a line from Leo akin to “we never go to the movies” that line itself speaks volumes, at least to me, about the boxes that Leo’s loved ones have put him in. Leo is blind, so why would he ever go to the movies? He can’t see what’s on screen. Yet because Gabriel at that point in the film often forgets that Leo is blind, Leo is able to experience something new and to find a way to guide Gabriel so that they can both enjoy the experience.

Similarly, Leo is invited by Gabriel to go and watch the lunar eclipse, before Gabriel once again realizes that Leo cannot see it. But Leo still agrees, and we get another beautiful moment where Gabriel tries to explain what an eclipse is and what it looks like to Leo. We get this tender moment where Gabriel has an excuse to gently touch Leo’s cheek as he asks “You know how your face is warmed by sunlight?” at the beginning of his explanation (ah, the intricate rituals that allow men to touch the skin of other men). I love that Gabriel and Leo are once again able to share a moment, once again in the dark, and this time Gabriel does not have to be guided towards narrating the view as much as Leo asks a single question and Gabriel tries multiple ways of discussion the concept until he sees what explanation clicks in Leo’s head. 

Favorite Quote

“Leo, if you had ever stolen a kiss from someone, how would you give it back?”

This entire script is wonderful, but there is absolutely no better line than this one. This is one of the last lines of the film, and Gabriel asks it after he has finished casually providing information about his crush until Leonardo picks up on the fact that Gabriel is talking about him. 

Score 

10/10.

God, truly, I feel like maybe I’m too lenient on these films, because I don’t think I’ve scored anything below a 9 yet. But it’s not my fault that I am thoroughly enjoying my time.

#bengiyo queer cinema syllabus #queer cinema syllabus #the way he looks #twhl #the way he looks (2014) #unit 2

[baura-bear]

can u pls talk some more about ryan kopel’s davey i am Begging (thank u for all the posts about uksies it is keeping me sane)

um. i wrote a lot.

"For me I think he's just gotten weirder and weirder as time goes on um, just, yeah, all his quirks and everything have started to come out much more than they were in December. Hopefully he will just continue to get even stranger" -Ryan Kopel about how Davey has changed as time goes on (from Wednesday's Q&A)

Thought that quote was fitting to start off with. Like I said, I saw the show in March so I definitely got a "weirder" version of Davey than I might have if I'd gone in December. I've listened to audio boots from pre-March and I can tell just from his line delivery how much his character has changed and it's incredible. (I would like to say I am interpreting "weird" as autistic because I say so). He is constantly stimming and his acting is so physical he's always bouncing around, limbs flailing about in such a cartoony way it's amazing. Rocks back and forth on his feet a lot, hugs papers, fiddles with strap of paper bag, taps thumbs together and wipes hands on front of his pants regularly. He also has a habit of clasping his hands together in front or behind him and it makes him look really sweet.

Even his growth from act 1 to act 2 is so fun to watch. When he first meets the newsies they ALL seem skeptical of him, Crutchie gives him BOMBASTIC side eye and Race is very snarky with him. You can see him get more comfortable with them, but there's still a bit of that hesitance which is so interesting to watch. He also gets much more comfortable around Jack which comes across in Watch What Happens (Reprise) and Jack's betrayal scene.

He also is very good at making Davey gay in a 1800s closeted young queer boy sort of way. Javey is strong in this production (if you hadn't figured that out from the numerous backstage pictures). Lot's of the lines he delivers towards Jack are very much Boy-Who-Is-In-Love-But-Very-Bad-At-Hiding-It. He gets SUPER embarrassed about Les looking at the bowery beauties and when he sees Jack's backdrop he very eagerly jumps forward and says "Thats!!- I mean. Uh. that's... really good."

Les and Davey's sibling bond is also so sweet, it's just as strong with every Les (I saw 3/4 of the original Les's). He's always got a hand on his shoulder or his arms wrapped around Les from the back. 99% of the show is Davey looking at Les with absolute astonishment at what he's doing "Buy a pape from a poor orphan boy?" "Oh- no he's not an orphan!" *cue Jack pulling Davey away*

Speaking of which. When Davey's trying to hawk his paper it's to the audience and the last thing he says before Jack cuts in is "Paper? anyone? Not for you"

There are so many good moments in act 2 good lord. I love Watch What Happens (reprise) because Ryan's version isn't so much that David is trying to convince Jack of anything, but rather that Davey already knows he's won the argument and he's being so cocky about it. ALSO THE WAY HE DELIVERS "we are INEVITABLE" is amazing.

I have so many thoughts about the stike rally. First of all when Davey goes up while everyone's chanting for Jack his reaction to the crowd is very much "Oh my god there are so many people here what do I do" rather than Ben Fankhauser's take of a more confident Davey. Multiple times Davey goes over to Medda like a proud little kid showing their mom what they did. When Jack enters (and starts suggesting they disband the union) Davey asks Medda if she knows what's going on and she looks so confused and heart broken by Jack's actions she just shakes her head at Davey. While everyone is yelling at Jack Davey tries multiple to get him to stop by stepping forward and touching his arm or shoulder and even saying "Jack, stop, please Jack stop?" and he actually tries so hard to be understanding. Of course all hell breaks loose and Jack ends up pushing Les to the ground which is what finally breaks Davey he says "What are you doing Jack?" and gestures to Les on the ground before helping him up and running off stage.

Before they print the Newsie Banner Katherine hands her notebook to Davey and he reads it over and writes something in her notebook before handing it back so they can print it.

"People like Joe don't talk to nobodies like us" Davey and Jack both smile sweetly and lean their heads together

I hope this was sufficient :)))))) it was very fun to write. If you made it this far I have one more message: go Listen to Ryan Kopel on Spotify

#inevitably i'm going to remember something later and curse myself for not including it #newsies #newsies uk #uksies #david jacobs #ryan kopel #jack kelly #asks

[sillybub]

what do you think about cats movie 2019? did you enjoy it?

So the movie was my introduction to Cats, and I went to go see it ironically with my siblings since we all heard how mortifying it was.

And like, yeah I didn't like it very much? I thought it was weird and I didn't understand it, and humans are so scared of what they don't understand. Granted, I had no clue about what I was going into, and my initial reaction was mostly in part to being taken way off-guard. I remember liking Skimbleshanks and thinking that, the fur itself looked really nice even if the designs were ugly. But mostly I thought it was a bad weird movie.

Now that I've had three years to reflect on it?

It's still a bad movie, but for different reasons than I initially disliked it.

1) The character designs are just bad and uncomfortable. They all have fully human faces, hands and feet, and it does not look good. This was an initial takeaway but I still stand by it. The fur itself was rendered well, but it doesn't save the designs.

2) They just made some straight up upsetting decisions regarding Jennyanydots and Bustopher Jones. I don't care that they're different, they're just actively unlikable and uncomfortable (I don't want inaccuracy to the stage show to be a factor in my opinion; I'm trying to judge it as a standalone entity). You can tell that Rebel Wilson and James Cordon just kind of thought of their characters as a joke and had no respect for them, which is simply not a good look. I'd never cast an actor who didn't have respect for their role. And if the character isn't deserving of any respect, then it's a badly written character.

3) I'm sure we've all seen the Sideways video about what a trainwreck the music was. The way it was recorded was not flattering for the vocals OR the orchestra; rhe style of recording lends itself to realism, which just does not work with the kind of story Cats is.

Which leads me to qthe most complicated one:

4) They tried to force Cats into a traditional narrative, which...just did work. They tried to have a focal protagonist (who I feel like wasn't effective foil for Grizabella), they padded the movie with dialogue in an attempt to flesh out the Jellicle Ball and Jellicle Choice, which just made things MORE confusing tbh, and trying to make Macavity more of a present threat was a noble move, but ultimately failed.

This open up a conversation about what a good film adaptation of Cats would look like.

Good news,, we already got one in 1998.

It's not just a proshot; it's also a film. They used cinematic techniques that are specific to the medium when they recorded it; use of CGI, use of editing techniques such as slow-motion, performing multiple takes, pre-recording the vocals and lip-syncing during shooting, etc.

They even modified the makeup designs to better suit close-ups. And to replicate the audience interaction, they chose to have the cats look into the camera. These are adaptational choices that WORK.

But like, okay, suppose that 1998 doesn't count. You want a "proper" film.

In my professional Film Major opinion, Cats is one of the worst musicals to adapt to film. Too much of its appeal lies in the strengths of theater and the weaknesses of film.

We want films to be realistic, in a visual sense. In theater, you can get away with standing on an empty stage and miming washing dishes, and the audience will believe that the character is literally performing that task, not pretending to do so. That does not fly in film. We need to see a sink and plates and forks and water. There's little room for abstraction, is what I'm trying to say.

And Cats is so abstract. This works GREAT on stage, but not much so for live-action film.

Abstract meaning "exists as an idea, but not having a concrete existence".

We understand that the cats we see on stage are literally cats; but they're representing by the suggestion of cats. Bold makeup, fluffy wigs, and painted unitards combined with certain movements suggest cats to us without trying to literally look like a real cat.

In film? You need to look like a cat. If a lady walked onto the big screen with a rope tail and painted on whiskers, you'd say "that's a lady in a cat costume, not a cat." You want to see furry ears and a tail that actually twitch and move. Probably retractable claws and slit pupils, too.

And then you'd have to figure out how to adapt the rest of the plot. Do they stay in the junkyard, keeping it confined to one location as per the stage musical? Do you lean into the abstraction, or try to make it more realistic? That, of course, was the failure of 2019; trying to make an abstract and whimsical musical into something realistic. If you want to aim for realism, I truly think you'd have to change the source material beyond recognition.

I used to talk about adapting Cats as an animated anthology, showcasing each song in a different style of animation. And I still think that would be sick, but my thought process there was that animation lends itself well to abstraction; you would lose out on the magic of live dance, but could perhaps make up for it with stunning, stylized animation. It's what I personally would enjoy most.

TLDR; it wasn't a good movie OR a good adaptation, but to be fair, Cats is fucking hard to adapt.

[dowagersqueen]

I know how this might sound, but I feel like the writing sort of validated takes like: her children were never in any real danger, it was all manufactured by Otto, or that Alicent has been unreasonable this whole time. Others have said this but the reconciliation was not a good writing choice. From my understanding, the last time the Greens and Blacks see each other is after Driftmark, after Aemond is permanently disfigured and disabled, after Viserys made it very clear that he would cover for Rhaenyra's treason, going so far as to yell at Aegon (who had nothing to do with the fight, but he couldn't even bother to reprimand Luc or Jace), after Rhaenyra herself suggested Aemond be tortured and pushed Alicent until she snapped. During those ten years Rhaenyra married Daemon, who was Public Enemy #1 (it wasn't just Otto who suggested Viserys make Rhaeneyra heir, it was the entire council because they didn't want Daemon near the throne), and Viserys slowly dying, basically a countdown to the inevitable war. 

When they reunite Vaemond is executed for voicing the exact same concerns (having him call Rhaenyra a whore was to soften Daemon's reaction, I refuse to believe that Vaemond is that stupid when he saw how far Viserys is willing to go to protect Rhaenyra at Driftmark) Alicent has had since Otto's dismissal and no one is punished, instead there's a big happy meal and wait, it turns out that Alicent has been unreasonable this whole time. That it was all in her head, her paranoia created and fed by Otto. So about 20 years worth of terror, Alicent pushing and punishing Aegon for not assuming his responsibility as heir...were all for nothing, smoothed over by a toast? Good queen? Girl, where, when??

The prophecy was dumb. It feels like that was just inserted to 1) keep the plot going because no, Alient's fears aren't valid, all she has to do is accept Rhaenyra as queen and everything's going to be okay (making Alicent more sympathetic to audiences because again, there's no other reason Alicent would want to crown Aegon, even though the prophecy makes her look dumb instead), and 2) it takes away from Aegon's storyline and the family tragedy as a whole. Before episodes 8-10, it felt like the Green family tragedy is that they all step into roles to protect one another: Alicent may not want to crown her son (imo Alicent comes off as someone who doesn't want power) but has to protect him and his siblings, Aegon doesn't want to be king but does so to protect his family, Aemond probably doesn't like Aegon but he'll fight and defend him to the end (it all goes horribly wrong but still). Now the dance is all about a prophecy, about men stealing the crown from the rightful heir, erasing the socio-political implications of Rhaenyra's ascension??? This isn't Shakespearian smh. 

This is getting long but lastly, Otto scheming to kill Rhaenyra was dumb. He's never really had a problem with Rhaenyra, his problem has always been with Daemon. Killing her, Daemon's wife and mother of his children, is basically unleashing him. The Green Council should have been the council talking about the politics, why the realm, if they accept a woman on the throne, would not accept bastards inheriting over true-born children and Aegon & his family. No gross feet scene (why, why do that to both actors?), no trying to force this "men = bad, women = good" shallow depiction of the patriarchy, and no Rhaenys. 

i agree with almsot everything you said here except for the depiction of patriarchy.

it is important to show that while rhaenyra may be spoiled, may be politically struggling, may lack this skill or that skill (which has happened with plenty of ruling male monarchs), a huge reason why she's being fought against is because she is a woman.

it's why viserys is chosen over rhaenys, why corlys gives driftmark to laenor, etc.

i don't think the green council should necessarily have sounded like some pompous sociopolitical class on why they're better for putting aegon on the throne, but i do wish the writers would understand that alicent had every right to push for what she believed is her own best interest, regardless of whether that would be wrong or right.

by that point in the story alicent had every reason to fear rhaenyra and daemon and if the weird reconcilliation at the dinner scene would be deleted, just those few minutes, all the greens should be scared of what daemon and rhaenyra might do.

and yeah i agree about the prophecy... they could have worked it into a story without it seeming like that's the only reason alicent pushes aegon to be king. they should have given her more agency.

i bet she will go down as one of the most hated female characters just for how they decided to shape her for rhaenyra's story.

#asks #alicent hightower #long post

[duckprintspress]

Advice for Writing Trans Male Characters

Hi everyone, and welcome to our second guest post! We approached a trans man, and fellow writer, to put together a list of suggestions for cis people who want to write trans male characters! He has chosen to remain anonymous. Always remember, there is no one trans experience, and no one trans person’s knowledge will reflect the range of ways that trans people live. Our post author writes from his perspective, based on his knowledge and research, and much of this is relatively specific to the modern United States. Always use multiple sources when writing a character with an identity or identities that you don’t share!

*

So, you want to write a trans male character but you're not a trans man yourself. Good! We need more trans male characters out there in the world. There are a few things to consider, however. This is not a perfect list (I would never claim to be perfect), but here are some thoughts from a trans man about writing people like me.

Trans men are men. They talk like men, think like men, and walk like men, except where socialization as women has forced otherwise. By this I mean that descriptions should not include things like “he walked delicately, like a woman”. However he walks, it's like a man, because he’s a man. Other characters should not note that he “thinks like a woman” or that he “acts like a woman.” If you talk about a trans man transitioning and you mention that he is working on ways to masculinize his speech patterns or walking, that's fine, but make sure it's done from his perspective, e.g. “Michael tried to lower his voice, attempting to sound more like his father.” Do not use “Michael tried to lower his voice, not wanting to sound like a woman.” It's his voice and he sounds like a man. Also, many woman have deeper registers and many men have higher registers, and there's honestly not that much difference between a woman who speaks in a low alto and a man who speaks in a high tenor. Avoid gendering voices, mannerisms, and other things. A good rule of thumb is that if it's a concept, idea, or an inanimate or non-sentient thing, it is physically and/or emotionally incapable of having a gender and you should not assign one to it.

1. A trans man who has decided that all he needs to do is come out to be a man is still a man, with a man's body and male genitals, because he says he's a man. Even if he is not out, he is a man. He can be uncomfortable with his body, or with how others perceive his body, but it should not be described in terms of “womanly” aspects.

EX: David's breasts made him uncomfortable, reminding him that others looked at him differently than how he would have liked.

2. 72% of trans men do not ever want full gender reassignment surgery, and this doesn’t make them “less of a man.” The surgeries are expensive, invasive, and don’t always result in a fully functional genital apparatus. Also, there are a lot of them. A trans man, to have a full semi-working penis (one that will not be useful for sex but will at least be useful for urination), is looking at at least three surgeries: to remove the labia, to 'bulk up' the clitoris, and to move the urethra. There are also surgeries to remove the cervix and/or the uterus, to create a scrotum, and to add a pump inside the scrotum attached to a surgical implant in the penis to assist with arousal. Even if a man has all these surgeries, the penis he gets loses most of its sensitivity and won’t become physically aroused (as in, achieve erection) without medical intervention. He may also need electrolysis to remove pubic hair. Ultimately, many trans men opt not to deal with it. Many still want top surgery, or a hysterectomy, or both, and often testosterone is used to help deepen their voice and change their body shape (but, again, gendering a trans man's voice by suggesting it's “feminine” because he's not on testosterone or because his voice hasn't dropped yet is not a great idea). It depends on the type and amount of dysphoria a person experiences, versus their financial and mental ability to deal with the different choices. Some trans men are happy with no hormones and only top surgery. Others want or need everything. There is no “correct” way to be trans.

3. Unless your story revolves around their transition (which, as a cis person, maybe it's best you don't do, honestly), there’s no reason to go into detail about your trans male character's surgeries. If it’s not plot relevant, it's probably not necessary.

4. If you’re writing porn, make sure to always use male pronouns for him, even if he has chosen not to go through surgery. If he has gone through surgery, what he has will be indistinguishable from a cis male penis except that he may need viagra or a surgical pump.

5. Reactions to testosterone are different for every trans man. Some men never have their voices drop, never grow a beard, and/or never bulk up and get all muscle-y. Some men are on testosterone for two weeks and have a Gandalf beard with a voice low enough to sing bass. It just depends, mostly on genetics. If your character's father is a super hairy mountain man who sings bass in his lumberjack quartet, then your character is more likely to end up similar. If your character's father is basically an elf, then he's likely to be similar to that. Also, for a number of reasons, a trans man may choose not to or may be incapable of taking testosterone. Most doctors won’t prescribe it if the man wants to carry his own children in the future, for example.

6. Keep in mind that the order in which testosterone produces effects on a man’s body isn’t predictable, so don't worry too hard about 'getting it right.' Even trans men can't predict what they'll look like after being on testosterone for a while.

7. Also, a note: If your character is transmasculine and nonbinary, and taking testosterone, it's likely they will be on a lower dose than a trans man. That's not always true, but testosterone can be given at a few different doses, depending on how drastic a change a person wants and how quickly they want that change to occur. There’s still no guarantee: a trans man may never be able to grow a beard on a full dose, while a transmasculine nonbinary person might be on a very low dose and have a beard within the first month. But, generally, lower doses are meant to bring out smaller changes over a longer period of time, while higher doses are meant to bring out larger changes over a shorter period of time.

8. A non-fluid trans man is going to consider himself a man at all times, and always use he/him pronouns for himself, whether or not everyone else does. If you're writing a trans man point-of-view piece where he's not out or where he's not fully accepted, make sure he or the narrator always uses the right pronouns when others don't. That helps remind your audience that he's not the person other people think he is.

EX: Daniel was frustrated. His grandmother insisted on calling him “Sarah” no matter how many times he corrected her.

9. Menstruation is a difficult topic for a lot of trans men. Some men lose their ability to menstruate when they take testosterone, while others continue to menstruate. If they retain their uterus, however, the possibility of a menstrual cycle is always there. If/when menstruation happens for a trans man, it's often a time of major dysphoria. A trans man may have a lot of issues surrounding menstruation. Having a cervix also means yearly Pap smears, which can also be uncomfortable or dysphoria-inducing. Dysphoria can also happen during ovulation, when a person is most fertile. The body during this time is “getting ready for a baby” and the changes can be very triggering.

10. Testosterone may stop menstruation, but it doesn't necessarily stop pregnancy. Also, some trans men will go off their testosterone in order to carry their own child. During their pregnancy, it is important that they are still referred to as men. A trans man will generally prefer to be called “father” even if he carried the child, but some may prefer the term “mother.” If a cis person wishes to write a pregnant trans character, it would be better to err on the side of caution and use “father.” A trans man who has gone through top surgery will not likely be able to nurse his own children, but a man who has chosen to use a binder instead will be able to (probably - some people don’t/can’t lactate for other reasons). Whether or not he chooses to will be up to him.

11. Gender Dysphoria is the medical diagnosis given to trans people who want to do any form of medical transitioning. Being transgender is not in and of itself a diagnosis. A person can be transgender and choose never to transition medically. Dysphoria is generally most clearly understood as a form of discomfort in the body you possess. Sometimes a person experiencing dysphoria is uncomfortable with their body no matter what. He doesn't like his breasts, for example, unless they are bound, no matter what his setting is, who is looking at him, etc. His dysphoria takes the form of nausea at the mere sight of them. Alternatively, some people only experience dysphoria relating to how others see them. For example, a man may not mind his breasts when he's alone, and he doesn't usually bind, but on a specific day while he wasn't binding someone glance at his breasts before calling him 'ma'am' and now he can't uncross his arms in case someone else looks his way. For some people dysphoria comes and goes, and they have good days and bad days. Also, images can be dysphoria-inducing. For example, seeing a pregnant person might remind a man that he has a uterus, and make him extremely uncomfortable all day. Other people may go several days, or weeks or months, without experiencing dysphoria, but when it hits it affects them for a long time or very severely. Or a person might experience dysphoria every day, as kind of a low-level mental fog they can't shake.

12. Gender Euphoria is as valid as Gender Dysphoria. Gender Euphoria is the idea that a person might be content in the body given to them, but will never be truly happy unless they make a change. These people can live their whole lives as the gender assigned to them at birth without severe mental issues or physical problems, but it's like living a life without color. They can do it, but if there's a way to get color back, why wouldn't they?

13. Changing names is complicated and takes time. It also differs in every state/country, and may need to be re-done when a trans man moves. In some states, all they need to change their name legally is a court order. In other areas, a trans man needs to have lived using their new name for a period of time, or have doctor’s notes and authorizations. Once the character has changed their name legally through the courts, they need to change their driver's license, banking information, insurance, work papers, social security information, passport, birth certificate, and any other documentation bearing their name. It can take anywhere from a month to a year or more, and is expensive, sometimes prohibitively so. It's okay to have a trans male character who goes by “Mark” but whose parents or grandparents refer to as “Melissa.” The important thing is to make sure narratively you are confirming that those people are wrong.

EX: “Melissa! It's nice to see you come to visit!” Mark's mom said. Mark cringed, hating the sound of his deadname, but he hadn't yet been able to convince his mother to use the right one.

14. Do not portray a character binding for more than eight hours or with unsafe binders in a positive light. Just don’t. Binding, even with professional/high-end binders, is not safe. It's a stopgap - safer than not binding at all for some people whose dysphoria is really bad. It constricts the lungs and can break ribs if not done properly. It can permanently alter a person's chest cage if done for an extensive period of time. It's a necessary evil for people who are waiting to get their surgery done, in order to keep them alive to have that surgery. It's not a permanent cure-all. Binding also can cause dysphoria. A person who doesn't have dysphoria surrounding his chest can develop it after wearing a binder. So, have your character bind safely, or discuss the issues surrounding unsafe binding. (And yes, this applies even in a fantasy setting or world where the technology may be different. A story is a story, but the impact it could have on a real trans man is potentially dangerous, so write with consideration, and if you do introduce a magical or technological solution to this, maintain awareness of the reality.)

15. Transitioning without an in-person support group is one of the most common factors in transitioning regret. Give your character someone to go to the doctor with them, someone to hold their hand when they get scared, someone to talk them through moments when they're unsure. No one who goes under the knife is always completely 100% sure all the time. They need a community. Surgery and hormones are scary, even if a trans man knows he wants them, and trying to go it alone can spell disaster.

16. Given that a trans man will consider himself a man, it can be challenging to make it clear to a reader that he’s trans. If he's the main/POV character, you can write him dealing with some dysphoria. For example, if you decide your character binds, mention that his breasts are bothering him particularly badly one day. Have him adjust his binder. Describe putting a binder on. That kind of thing. If he's a minor character, it can be more challenging, but you can still have him do things like adjust a binder. You could also mention surgical scars, if a character takes off their shirt. Another thing you can do is just have the main character remember a time “before Mark went by Mark” (for example). Another way is to have the character mention some way in which they are fighting for trans rights, and acknowledge that the issue is personal to them. Try not to use the deadname unless he’s facing an actual microaggression by another character. The narrative or narrator character should never deadname the character.

17. FTM is not an accepted term anymore, as it implies that a person was one thing and changed. Generally speaking, if a trans man is not genderfluid, then he was never female or a woman. Likewise, the phrase “born in the wrong body” is not acceptable for use by cis people. The only real use it has is to explain dysphoria by transgender characters to cisgender characters who aren't inclined to listen or try to understand. The accepted term is AFAB, or Assigned Female At Birth. Keep in mind that terms and labels change with time, so do your research. For example, if you’re writing a historical piece, different terms may be more appropriate, and if you’re writing a modern current-day piece, understand that in ten or twenty years the terminology you use will likely have grown outdated.

18. The proper way to write the term is always “trans man” and never “transman”. Trans is an adjective describing a type of man, just like you might say an Asian man or a muscled man or a gay man. This comes back to the idea that a trans man is always a man, first and foremost.

19. An easy pitfall to avoid if your trans male character's setting is modern or modernesque is: Don't make the story all about their oppression. We are aware of the many ways in which the modern world is trying to oppress and harm the trans community, but trans men can still be happy and interesting people. They can have dysphoria without being depressed. They aren’t necessarily the “down in the dumps” character. Also, trans men have a long history of being activists, and are often erased in history, so don't be afraid to make your trans men an out-and-loud activist. Yes, terrible things have happened and continue to happen to trans men, and any trans man who has done any research into trans history will know about individuals like Brandon Teena. Trans men know the dangers they face. Knowing that bad things can and are happening doesn't mean a trans man can't find his own joy in life, despite things not being perfect.

20. Keep in mind when writing in historical settings that trans men have existed for as long as people have existed. Many trans men were able to go through life completely “undetected” until they died and those around them conducted culturally-common burial practices. It’s not unreasonable to have a trans man in Regency England, Yuan China, or Roman times. If you're writing about non-European-centric history, many cultures acknowledged those who didn’t present the way their AGAB (assigned gender at birth) would suggest, and do your research. Also, keep intersectionality in mind, and tread especially carefully when writing a trans man from a culture and period other than your own. This post is mostly applicable to trans men in the modern era, and especially in the United States. The trans male experience will be different in other places in the world, for people of different ages and of different religions and ethnicities and races, so the more traits your trans man has that are outside your own experience as a cis writer, the more you should consider if it’s wise for you write the story you have in mind, or if it might not be better to allow in-group members to tell those stories. And never forget - trans men can and are all things - all races, all religions, abled and disabled, etc. People have nuanced identities and multiple identifiers and trans is always only one of many.

21. In fantastical or science fiction settings, please always ask yourself if oppression of trans people or bigotry against them is even needed. Maybe a society doesn't assign gender at birth, but waits until a child is old enough to tell the society where they belong. Maybe a society reveres those who are under the transgender umbrella. Maybe children are considered genderless until they reach puberty. You have a million and one options; why limit yourself to what modern predominantly Western white Christian society says? If you do make a society that doesn't look anything like the modern world, for example they assign gender at age five, think about how that would affect society as a whole. What kind of pronouns would be used for children under five? Are young children genderless, or are they seen as genderfluid? What about people who age past five and are still genderless or genderfluid? What are the naming conventions for children?

22. There are mixed feelings regarding how a science fiction or fantasy setting should treat transitioning. Should it be an easy fix, with magic or advance science doing it instantly or nearly so? Or should it be difficult, reflecting the modern situation where the process often years before a person can feel “finished?” That's up to you. Trans people themselves are split on this, so there’s no pleasing everyone. Do your best, and whichever way you choose, make sure to tag it accurately or, for original fiction, be clear up front what approaches you’ve chosen, so people can choose not to read something that may make them uncomfortable at best or trigger them and profoundly harm them at worst.

Ultimately, your trans man is your character and you can do with him as you wish. Write responsibly, and do your research, and if you can, get a sensitivity reader or a beta who is a trans man.

So, go, diversify those stories, write the things, and present good representation! Happy writing!

#duck prints press #original content #writing advice #guest blogger #trans characters #trans men

[lavynrose]

Artem and his S/O confessing at the same time pt. 2

Title: Dedicated

Pairing/s: Artem Wing X Reader

Pronouns: Gender Neutral

Genre: FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF

Warning/s: grammatical errors

Notes: ok so!!! thank you so much for waiting <3 one thing i'd like to say is that i recommend reading part 1 before this bc it creates a build-up for the story's conclusion. There are some parts here that needed context from part 1. Enjoy!

part 1 here

He couldn't ask for more.

The sunset spilled all around the theme park, the golden intricates of the the railings sparkled than ever before. The orange radiance of the solemn sun gives the park an even more golden glow.

Artem looked around, taking in the seemingly perfect view of what can be only described as serene. The laughter of groups of friends, families walking hand-in-hand, couples giving their significant other loving looks, people enjoying themselves left and right, the quaint smell of hotdogs and popcorn.

You spending your time with him.

The sunset made this picturesque scenery even more breathtaking, and he could come here everyday if only allowed.

Right now, right in this very moment, everything is glowing.

Especially you.

"That was really fun!" the enthusiasm in your voice never fails to make him feel the same. He loves seeing you have fun, without a care in the world. He admits, he also enjoyed getting splashed by water on the raft ride.

He unconsciously offered his arm to link with yours and when you took it as you gazed at him, he's more than satisfied.

You fit so perfectly in his arms, it feels as if you're the missing puzzle piece he never knew his being had. Even having dried after getting soaked from the raft, the warmth that your touch radiated fills his senses with comfort.

This moment of getting to spend time with the person he profoundly longed for was enough for him. Enough for now. You don't need to know his affections for now.

Does he really need to let you know?

His feelings?

It'll probably make your relationship awkward. He's not ready to risk the sweet smiles and playful looks you direct towards him just for his own selfishness.

It doesn't matter. He'll love you even if you won't, anyway.

He then stopped in his tracks, you followed suit. Not caring about the people around you. Lost in the little world the two of you shared. He looked down at your form, "Yes it was. I enjoyed it very much." because you're with me, he wanted to add but instead of saying those words, an amiable look in his cerulean eyes twinkled, and an adoring smile latched upon his features instead.

Almost as if he's telling you an unspoken confession.

His expression however, turned into mild surprise when he noticed how your gaze was filled with enchantment. With a soft glint in your lidded eyes, your brows are knitted together. You were silent.

It baffled him.

Why.

'Why are you looking at me like that?' Artem wanted to blurt out. His mouth opened to say something.

It was unclear to him as to why you looked like you were staring at his very soul.

'Why are you looking at me like,' he can't help but ask himself as he continued to scrutinize your tranced gaze, 'like you want to say the same words I desperately wanted to tell you?'

Are his feelings reciprocated?

You blinked and suddenly looked away, "Uhh, Artem, I-"

"Everyone! One more hour to go for the fireworks! Please look forward to it!" The both of you landed your eyes on the speaker, then on each other.

Artem cleared his throat, pulling the collar of his turtleneck, "You were saying?" he inquired, voice and features laced with curiosity.

You cleared your throat and pulled on your collar, mirroring him, "I..." you started as your eyes darted as if you were looking for excuses, then your orbs glinted with realization and faced Artem, "I just wanted to say that we should take pictures! This is a memorable night after all."

His eyes begin to scan the theme park and his gaze found a small photobooth just beside the merry-go-round.

"Good idea. We haven't had anything to commemorate today's fun." He brushed off your weird behavior earlier as you dragged him towards your destination.

There weren't too many people in the waiting line, there were multiple photobooths, plenty enough to not create a line of more than five costumers per booth.

As soon as it was your turn, you excitedly rummaged through the cute costumes the guests can wear in the photos.

"Look Artem," you snapped your fingers to get his attention, "This would look cute on you!" You squealed as you waved the headband with cat ears in front of his face.

This kind of trend has been circling around lately. No matter how much of a busy man Artem is, he still has seen some posts about this on the internet...

Catboy culture, wasn't it? He wondered.

"You should wear one, too." He suggested. He gingerly took the headband from you and after a few moments of hesitation, he finally gave in to the anticipation in your eyes.

Your eyes were practically sparkling taking in the sight of catboy Artem in the flesh.

"Oh my gosh." You breathed, gaping at him.

Artem blinked. "Is there something on my face?" He then turned to the mirror to check what's wrong, nothing seems to be out of the ordinary though.

"It's nothing!" You frantically waved your hand and gestured towards the camera, "Let's take a photo!" you grinned, wearing cat ears identical to Artem's.

You guys started the photoshoot with your hands making peace signs.

Ah, the classic.

The few shots after just consisted of you putting on different faces while Artem just wore different headbands each shot, with the same pose.

"You guys, please act cuter for the camera! " The photographer suddenly commented.

Isn't Y/N cute enough? Artem internally recoiled.

"Young man, put your arms around your date or something, or do a heart pose together! " Mr. Photographer added.

Artem looked back at you, his eyes meeting yours, both were wide with surprise.

He cleared his throat for what seemed like the nth time today and looked at you for approval, "Do you want to?" he asked as his hands formed half a heart.

Your cheeks lighted aflame as you raised your hand, forming half a heart to connect it with his, "I don't mind."

As your fingers touched, Artem cannot control the pink flushing his cheeks as he smiled at the camera.

The photographer continued to instruct the both of you with how you should pose. He deserves a raise for doing his job really well, Artem thinks.

After of what it seemed like endless snaps of sappy pictures, the two of you decided to print all of them.

"Now we have lots of souvenirs!" you scanned each one of the photos and Artem can't help but think how good you two look together.

He thanked the photographer for putting his all into the shoot, then you both headed for the exit.

"How was it, Artem?" You turned towards him with a profound smile.

You have lots of photos together now. He can already see himself wide awake at night, staring at your couple-like pictures.

It was more than okay.

"It was a fun experience. The cat ears aren't bad." He said as he recalled how astonished you looked when he wore the headband.

"We spent almost 20 minutes there..." You sighed as you looked at your watch.

Artem unconsciously checked his wrist watch as well, "There are 40 minutes left before the fireworks. Do you want to check out more rides before then?"

You surveyed the theme park to look for more booths, "Look at that, Artem." you pointed toward the large and loud crowd at the park's quadrangle.

"Perharps it's someone performing." Artem guessed, hearing the strums of a guitar from the speakers.

"Let's check it out!" Curious, you and Artem shuffled yourselves into the crowd. The faint singing voice grew more and more audible as you got closer to the center of the attraction.

You headed to the front for the best audience experience and the singer came into view, "Isn't that?" Artem's eyes were as wide as saucers when he recognized the person singing.

Funny how you weren't surprised, and he wondered why.

There at the center, sitting at a stool with a guitar in hand, singing with a gold microphone in front of him, was the new employee at the firm, William.

Artem frowned.

That's the guy. The guy who was getting too cozy with you, the guy causing the unpleasant pangs inside his chest.

The guy who was one of the reasons why he got the courage to ask you out on this date in the first place.

The feeling of delight earlier was now replaced by uneasiness.

"I didn't know he was a performer." Artem murmured, and he kept glancing at you.

When he saw that you were clapping your hands and a proud smile has decorated your lips - one that's not aimed him, a sudden bitter feeling overwhelmed his whole being.

You looked very happy, and he hung his head low.

He vividly remembered your smiling faces in the office yesterday, and how William seem to always hang around you.

Artem realized he wasn't special. The warm look that he witnessed from you earlier in the sunset, the look that made him think that you reciprocated his feelings, you probably do that to everyone.

He felt so stupid.

While everyone was watching William hit the notes and strum the strings, Artem was watching your every reactions, only for him to get hurt on the inside.

His heart hurts, the clenching feeling in his chest tightening with every cheer that you voiced.

He's glad it was you who were causing this pain, though.

The crowd boomed with claps and shouts as the last note finished the song, and Artem wasn't in the mood to join them.

6:30pm

"Aren't you going to greet him?" Artem's voice made you look up to him, his brows furrowed and he wasn't making eye contact.

You just brushed his behaviour off and said, "Nope. I wouldn't want to disturb him on this special day!" you felt giddy, knowing that you helped William to set this all up.

As soon as his first day in the office, which was around a month ago, he had overheard you and Kiki talking about the big opening of PAX's amusement park, and kept asking questions about the event. He then learned you were friends with the heir, Marius.

You've never seen a face as shocked as William's when he learned that.

He even made Kiki contact her insiders about the soon to be opened theme park.

Kiki asked why he was so curious, and he said he performs on gigs as a hobby, balancing it with his law career, and that he loves performing ever since he was a kid.

"Performing on the theme park's opening would definitely give me more opportunities!" He sounded so passionate that you can't help but support him.

He became bashful though, as he said, "Besides, I've been looking for an opportunity to surprise my girlfriend next month," you and Kiki beamed at him, "This would make her happy, as I made a new song that I specifically made as a gift for her birthday. I'll sing it on the opening if I'm allowed."

That's why ever since, you became close with William. Whenever you talk though, he almost always talk about her girlfriend.

"30 minutes remaining for the fireworks display!!!" The speakers announced.

You were excited for the fireworks, and an idea popped out of your mind.

"Artem," you called him out "Let's ride on the ferries wheel, that way we're up in the sky as the fireworks erupt," you dragged him to the ferris wheel's ticketing booth, "I heard that it takes 20-30 minutes for a capsule to be on top of the wheel, the time is perfect for us!"

"Can we be alone in the capsule?" Artem suddenly requested, his eyes filled with a look you can't fathom. He looked so vulnerable.

"Yes, that's actually normal. We can request that for the youngest senior attorney with 99% win rate!" You grinned and you expected him to send you one of his gentle smiles, but he just turned his head away, and looked at the distance.

You take a good look at him again once you got the tickets, he's still looking away, a solemn demeanor in his face.

You can't help but wonder what he's thinking. He's been acting a little weird, you thought.

Does he not want to hang out with you anymore?

"Artem, if you don't want to, you can tell me. I won't be mad." You eyed him with concern, "We can just sit on the bench or something." you suggested.

Just like that, his expression changed quickly, regret clouding his face, "Y/N," he sighed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that with my actions," he stared at you for a few seconds, then you noticed that light was back in his eyes, the fond smile you liksd seeing is back again, "The ferris wheel is perfect." He then grabbed yoir waist and guided you both to the capsule.

You grinned, "I requested a capsule for only the two of us!" you waved the tickets at him, he chuckled and grabbed it from you to give to the person managing the capsules.

The capsule was air-condition inside, with big windows to get a good view of the outside. You expected nothing from a device created by PAX.

Across from you, Artem sits, his mood is a little better now, but you can't help but notice the silent sadness his cerulean eyes hold still.

You don't like seeing him like this.

"Hey, Artem?" you half-whispered, not wanting to surprise him from his reverie.

His eyes met yours, "Yes?" he responded gently.

"You know you can trust me with your problems, right?" You started, you don't let his surprised expression distract you from what you want to say, "I will listen intently to your troubles, and we'll find a way to solve them together! " You declared with the brightest smile you could ever muster, "So please, share your burdens with me. I'll carry them with you." You finished with a toothy grin.

He blinked a few times before finally shaking his head with fondness, "Thank you, Y/N. I want you to know that you are special to me." His face is suddenly filled with so much endearment you quickly looked away, "Uhh, Of course!" your face flushed red and you raised your hide in an attempt to hide it.

Artem chuckled, the sound giving you a sense of comfort and security. You looked up to him again and saw his features get illuminated by the lights flickering in the theme park, his adoring eyes lingering on you.

Like yours was lingering on him.

You smiled at each other, letting the other feel that they're not alone in the battles they're facing.

What are you to each other, anyway? You pondered when you decided to avert your eyes away from him first.

As far as you can recall, friends don't do this kind of thing with each other. The staring, the blushing. Oh, especially the blushing.

You can't help but long for the possibility of having your feelings reciprocated, but oh boy were you afraid.

"Can I sit beside you?" His question brought you to your senses, and you happily obliged, "Of course! This capsule isn't shaky, we'll be okay being on the same side." You made space for him as you patted the empty space. There he sat, his scent enveloping your senses.

It was silent for the whole ride up, but you were comfortable with it. You were with the person you love, being with them is enough.

7:00pm

Your capsule was right on top when suddenly, a boom was heard and splashes of color was seen through the window.

"Artem!" you pointed at the big, colorful patch of explosion that's a little bit below the capsule you were in.

The ferries wheel was so high that you were higher than the fireworks!

The fireworks was on your side of the window, you can see the view to it's fullest glory.

"Whoa!" you exclaimed, your eyes astonished by the scene before you. Your hands flat against the window, when you suddenly felt a body pressed against your back, and a hot breath against your ear, "It's amazing" you heard Artem mutter, as his breaths fanned the hairs on your neck, before resting his chin on your shoulder.

You yelped, you forgot Artem was just beside you!

Your heart pounded against your ribcage when you realized that in order for Artem to see the fireworks, he needs to look at your side of the window.

Heck, your thighs were touching, and you can feel every ounce of heat that his muscular body radiated. He's practically caging you and this small, suffocating space of a capsule isn't helping!

Despite the unbelievable heat that your whole body is feeling right now, you badly wanted him to wrap his arms around you.

Something was pooling in your stomach, something weird. All you can think about right now is Artem kissing you against the window while you sit on his lap.

Warmth filled your already heated cheeks upon realization of what you just imagined, and you mentally slapped yourself. What were you thinking?

The smell of his vanilla cologne isn't helping!

Nobody has ever made you feel this way before. No other person has affected you like this. You think about the things that this man had done for you, he was selfless, hardworking, and most of all, kind.

Especially the smiles he had always shown you. Those smiles filled with comfort and fondness that makes you weak in the knees. Whenever you see that smile, you find yourself looking forward in seeing it again.

To you, Artem Wing was unobtainable.

Yet you wanted to make him yours.

7:01pm

"Artem!" you pointed below with an enthusiastic grin as the fireworks boomed and splashed the sky above the theme park.

His body scooted over to you without realizing, eyes widening with glee and he muttered, "It's amazing" Artem leaned towards you, placing his chin on your shoulder for him to get better view of the fireworks display below.

It's taking every ounce of his control to not face you towards him and claim your lips then and there.

What you said earlier only fueled his raging feelings for you. You were willing to carry his burdens with him? He never had someone say that to him before, and he was happy it's from you.

The evening is flawless. The two of you were alone, having you near him like this, your decleration of support earlier, and a beautiful scenery before him that he won't get to see everyday...

A perfect evening to pour his heart out to you.

He decided that if there was a best time to confess his love for you, that time would be now. He didn't care about your answer right now, he just wanted to let it all out before this passionate feelings can drive him to insanity.

These feelings were driving him crazy, he wanted to let you know how you make him happy, that he thinks about you eveey second of every day, that you ground him and his lonely heart.

He noticed you were silent and unmoving, so he decided to take the chance. He took a deep breath.

"I'm in l-" "Can I ki-"

You turned your body to face him, surprised. Your face only a few centimeters away from his. One wrong move and you'll kiss.

The both of you blinked.

"You... go first." you said, biting your lip.

He stared deep into your eyes, none of you dared to move from this intimate position, your breaths fanning each other's faces.

"Y/N, I," he rested his forehead against yours and breathed with the most vulnerable voice you've ever heard from him, "I'm in love with you..."

You gaped, but he didn't mind.

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, "It's okay if you don't feel the same. I..." he opened his eyes to give you a loving gaze "I will keep loving you anyway."

He looked so vulnerable right now, but it didn't scare him. If anything, he feels relief in finally voicing out the feelings he's hidden for so long.

"I was in a bad mood today because I think you were interested in William," you just blinked and he continued, "I mean, you always look happy when you're with him. It crushed my heart." He finished as he waited for your response.

He waited, and waited.

The silence that you were giving him didn't give him any clue to what you were thinking, it's unnerving.

After of what seemed like an eternity you finally let out, "He has a girlfriend, silly." you see Artem's eyes widened and you continued, "It's a long story, but I'm not interested in him. We're just friends."

You felt the heat creep up his face.

"So... what were you going to tell me?" He said hesitantly as he gulped, the embarrasment from earlier evident in his voice.

Your cheeks flushed pink as you darted your eyes, it was now your turn to get really embarassed, "Can I..." your face looks conflicted. That if you say whatever you wanted to say, It'd be the death of you.

You took a deep breath, Artem told you his feelings, so it's only fair you tell him yours, you told yourself and mustered the courage to look up to his ocean eyes, a vast ocean so blue, you could drown in them, "Can I kiss you, Artem?"

It took a moment before he could fully process your words. His brain short-circuit.

"What?" He blurted out as he scanned your face for any signs that maybe, you have made a mistake.

but you replied, "I want to kiss you Artem," you put your hands on his shoulder to steady yourself, "I'm in love with you too."

His body tingled with so much joy, you being in love with him was just a distant dream before.

Not willing to wait anymore, he licked his lips as he slowly dipped his head to meet your already parted mouth, welcoming him.

You may or may not have kissed the entire way down the ride.

Artem Wing is a dedicated man.

Now, he's willing to dedicate himself to you for the rest of his life.

do not repost © lavynrose 08/16/21.

#tears of themis #tears of themis x reader #artem wing #artem wing x reader #artem x reader #tears of themis imagines #tot x reader #zuo ran x reader

[comradelasso]

i am convinced that with all this stuff about the “dark forest” and jsuds comparing season 2 to the empire strikes back, which famously ended with the heroes split up, that someone is going to leave richmond by the end of the season. and now there are 4 coaches when before it was only ted and beard, making it very possible one of them will leave, i ranked all the coaches in order of most to least likely to leave richmond:

1) nate. nate is definitely hurtling towards something this season, and we can all agree it won’t be good. his sudden increase in popularity and acclaim after winning the game for richmond means that it is very likely that another club will want to snatch him up. (in today’s ep we caught a glimpse of a newspaper article suggesting nate is ready to manage his own team .... and we know how much these writers love foreshadowing.)

nate clearly does not think he is appreciated enough at richmond, and he might accept an offer from a more prestigious club to impress his dad. if nate did leave richmond, i think it will happen an episode or two before the season finale and richmond will end up facing off against nate’s new team for their last match, which would be a neat parallel to them playing against jamie in 1x10. nate will likely come to regret his decision to leave richmond (the environment of kindness and support ted has fostered there is a rarity in competitive sport) and it might even be the push he needs to realize how terrible his behavior was. and when nate inevitably returns to richmond, it will set him on a path of trying to redeem himself and reconcile with the team, which again is very similar to jamie — ironic, considering that jamie was the primary bully of nate in season 1. the writers clearly have a very specific arc planned for nate, and i think he will get worse before he gets better (nick mohammed has said that he is nervous about audience reaction to nate when the season ends). nate is trapped in a downward spiral in which his newfound arrogance and old insecurities are at war with each other, and it will take a pretty drastic change for him to finally escape it and become a better person. a downside to this theory is it might be a little too similar to jamie’s arc, but i think the writers would avoid having it seem like a retread.

2. ted. ted’s character arc this season is focused on his struggles with mental health and him learning the importance of self-care. ted might finally be in therapy, but i doubt he will only be on an upward trajectory from now on — i think his storyline will only get darker as the show continues to explore his past trauma (im convinced that ted’s dad committed suicide and that this will eventually be revealed this season). ted is also struggling with being apart from his son and even seems to believe that he’s abandoned him. roy accusing ted of ruining jamie as a player and them then winning the spurs match without ted will likely make him feel worthless. this could all come to a head this season and result in ted resigning from richmond to return to kansas. if this did happen, it would probably be the cliffhanger the season ends on and season 3 will focus on his return to richmond. like nate, i think ted will hit rock bottom before he gets better and his panic attack in 2x06 is only the tip of the iceberg. ted leaving richmond for a period of time will allow both the team and ted himself to realize just how essential he is to them.

3. beard. i dont see beard leaving richmond the same way i can see nate or ted doing so, but his character arc is not entirely clear yet. he is still in a pretty toxic relationship with jane (he was wearing the hat she gave him this ep) but i think he will listen to higgins and break up with her before the end of the season. we know that unlike ted, beard cares deeply about richmond winning and the team hasn’t exactly been doing well since they started coaching them — they might be on a winning streak now thanks to roy and nate, but they still need to get promoted. if richmond fails to get promoted, beard might be so frustrated by their futile efforts that he quits. beard is clearly still pretty important to the team and him leaving would be a definite blow, especially for ted (it would also be a significant setback for ted’s mental health). if beard did leave, i think it’d be a season finale twist after richmond’s final match (again, beard leaving would probably be dependent on whether richmond wins or loses).

4. roy. lmao there is no way roy is leaving richmond after everything he went through in 2x05.

i can see a couple of these scenarios playing out simultaneously — nate could be recruited by another team and that could also lead to a depressed ted returning to kansas, leaving beard and roy as the coaches; ted could go home and beard could go with him; nate and beard could both quit and leave ted in a very bad place. either way, i dont think this season will have as hopeful an ending as season 1. sure, richmond might have been relegated but the team was still united and optimistic about their future — it goes back to what ted said about losing a game but still winning vs winning a game but still losing. richmond might get promoted this season, but they will still “lose” because they are left divided and still in the “dark forest” by the end of the season.

#ted lasso #ted lasso theory #ted lasso meta #nathan shelley #coach beard #roy kent #jason sudeikis #can you tell im just brain dumping rn lmao #i just have a lot of thoughts about where this season is headed that i wanted to get down #hopefully this theory doesnt age very badly!

[logicalbookthief]

Things Left Unsaid -- An Analysis of Rei & Touya

Apparently Rei has been getting a lot of flack lately, all of it undeserved, and since I had a post analyzing her relationship with Touya in the works already, I figured no time like the present.

Disclaimer #1: There are a lot of issues with the writing for Rei’s character that have nothing to do with her and everything to do with how the storyline is using her, which I will address and examine.

Disclaimer #2: I’m someone who, while always curious as to what kind of relationship Rei had with her oldest son before he died, never thought it would be revealed that Touya was close to his mom. I don’t think you get the Dabi we see in Chapters 290-295 without him being so warped by his relationship with his father yet so dependent on his attention that he was willing to kill his brother and himself simply for his father’s acknowledgement.

But that’s what I find so interesting about Rei and Touya -- it’s a relationship that mainly consists of regrets and things left unsaid. There isn’t the anger or resentment Dabi feels for Endeavor, because that intense level of emotion sprung from the loss of the father who used to be his whole world. His feelings toward his mother seem more amicable, but also more distant.

And while she could’ve done some things differently in regards to her oldest, I want to make it clear that the distance between them was very much by design.

After all, Touya was the end goal of their marriage. It was never any secret as to why Enji wanted to marry her and to some extent Rei must’ve realized that this child was not meant to be hers: the child was the transaction, the thing she was needed to create, to give to her husband. Of course she loved Touya and was likely his primary caregiver for most of his life, but there was no doubt that once his quirk manifested and he could begin his hero training, his life would be dominated by his father. Which is what happened.

Here, I would like to point out something I noticed in the flashback chapters. We never see any panels of Enji alone with any of his children during their infancy -- even with Shouto, the perfect child he longed for, we see Rei holding Shouto, sitting by him as he sleeps. Enji is there tangentially. Once Shouto begins his training, that is when we see him with his father.

So to see Enji with Touya when he was a baby, prior to his quirk manifesting, strikes me as a big deal. But it makes sense if you remember that he’d placed all his hopes, dreams and expectations on his firstborn. Initially, it doesn’t look like he even considered the possibility that Touya wouldn’t be his successor or that his little eugenics experiment would fail; this was his first, most optimistic attempt at a masterpiece. So I don’t believe it’s far-fetched to see him spend more time with Touya right off the bat (it’s what will make the eventual abandonment all the more crushing).

However, Rei isn’t seen at all in the snippet of Touya’s infancy, despite us knowing she was relegated to the caregiver role. Rei is literally out of the picture. Compare this to how she features prominently in Shouto’s infancy or how we see her holding a baby Natsuo. You could argue that, hey, we don’t see her holding a baby Fuyumi either, but there’s other scenes where Fuyumi’s attached to her mother’s hip or crying over her being hurt. Things that suggest a closeness, when the only scene we get of just her and Touya is one where they’re at odds. 

As we move further into Touya’s childhood, though, Rei becomes the only voice we hear advocate for him against his father. I’m referencing two specific instances:

When Enji coerces her into having more children to replace Touya now that his father has deemed him a failure, something she knows will hurt their son deeply.

And after Touya lashes out at Shouto, which Rei doesn’t blame on Touya, but rather on his father. She delivers such a satisfying condemnation of his actions, probably the most cutting one Endvr’s received to date, and it so accurately sums up one of his major character flaws.

How can you call yourself a hero when you can’t even face your own son?

The tragedy of it all is that Rei never said any of this in front of Touya -- it was always said in private, just to her husband. That alone took courage, yes, but it would’ve meant everything to Touya to hear her condemn his father aloud. Instead when she does speak to him, she says this:

It’s why I can’t wrap my head around that scene in Ch 302, where after Enji admits he didn’t know what to say to Touya, Rei replies, “Neither did I.” 

When we’re shown in flashbacks during that same chapter that she did understand her son. “He just wants to be acknowledged by you” is quite the indication that she, at the very least, understood the cause of Touya’s turmoil even if she couldn’t fully relate to it herself. So why can’t she say any of this to him?

The answer is in the way she addresses Touya, as it is nearly identical to how Nao addresses Tenko in this scene:

Both Touya and Tenko grew up in similar households: the father had all the power, physical and financial, so the mothers were left to try and comfort their children in a way that didn’t go against their husbands’ desires -- and so, to use Tenko’s own words, they would “reject them with kindness.”

So it’s no wonder that Touya lashes out at his mother after she suggests he pursue other things. He isn’t five like Tenko was, he’s thirteen and has a much clearer understanding of why she says this and why it’s a bit hypocritical, since he’s aware of her situation, too.

Just as she was bound by her family, who wanted her to marry Endvr for the money and status, he’s bound by the expectations of his family. I’m not sure if I’ve seen anyone else touch on this detail, but when Touya states that he knows his grandparents sold his mom into marriage so his dad could have a child, we could infer that Touya knows enough to realize that his mother might not have necessarily wanted him.

Not him specifically, but any child — the story has neglected to flesh her out beyond her marriage and motherhood, so we have no idea if Rei wanted to become a mother prior to this arrangement, despite how much she loves her kids now — although it is possible that he might’ve internalized it this way.

So you have Touya, who at least knows with certainty that his father wanted him to exist, yet he comes to understand that his father only wants him if he can meet a specific set of expectations, and if he cannot, he’ll be discarded. If he can’t surpass All Might, he can’t fulfill his reason for existing and his father will have to replace him. So to have his mother urge him to follow a path other than becoming a hero would mean, to Touya, accepting that he is the mistake he fears he is. Of course he isn’t going to respond well to that.

I don’t like when people try to compare Touya’s reaction in this moment to Shouto’s when Rei tells him he isn’t bound by his father’s blood, using that to paint Shouto as the “good” child and Touya as the “bad” one. They didn’t react differently because of any innate sense of goodness or lack thereof -- they reacted differently because the situations are different.

Telling Shouto that he didn’t have to be like his father comforted Shouto, who only knew his father as the bully who hurt his mom. He associated his father, and his father’s fire, with all of that fear and pain -- and thus, he associated the part of himself that took after his father with those feelings. She wasn’t denying his dream of becoming a hero, only assuring him that when he became a hero it could be whatever kind of hero he chose to be, that he wasn’t doomed to be like his father.

Whereas what she tells Touya sounds a lot like what his father told him, which was to give up on being a hero and pursue other aspirations.

Encouraging Shouto to become his own version of a hero still falls in line with what Endvr ultimately wants, which is for Shouto to be a hero capable of surpassing All Might. Whereas this is what happens when Touya continues to train to do that against his father’s wishes:

This is where the framing begins to bother me and where Rei’s characterization becomes inconsistent. 

So in this scene from Ch 302, we see Enji abusing his wife for “letting” Touya continue to train, punishing her for her “failure” to stop him. Obviously, none of that is Rei’s fault. If anything, Enji would be more responsible for preventing Touya from hurting himself since he’s the reason his son is hurting himself in the first place.

Moreover, the fact that he hits Rei over this sort of muddies the water of an previously-established narrative. Since the Sports Festival arc, we’ve known that Endvr abused his wife because she tried to interfere with Shouto’s training. It got to the point where she was terrified of her husband and it drove her to a breakdown. Why introduce this new aspect to the abuse, when it was already established that a) he was physically abusive and b) his motivations for abusing her were explicit to the audience? 

I’m not saying it doesn’t make sense that a man who hits his wife for one reason could find another reason to do it and justify his actions to himself. And while the scene does portray Endvr in a bad light to show how wrong his actions are, literally draping his figure in shadow, why does it even dare to suggest the idea that Rei was remiss in her duties as a mother? Again, the scene isn’t even necessary, since the narrative has long-since showed the audience that Enji abused his wife. 

By itself, the scene would read as further exploration of how Rei was victimized and how it affected her children. When you look at it with the chapter as a whole, though? Remember, this is the chapter where Rei claims that all of the family shares the blame in what happened to Touya, displacing some of the blame that rightfully rests on Enji. 

But my major gripe with this scene is how it reframes the sole moment we get of Rei and Touya alone. Because we know that Rei understands Touya, based on her confrontations with her husband in Ch 301 & 302. Rather than encourage him to be what he wants or acknowledge that his father is in the wrong, however, her advice falls in line with what Enji wants -- to stop Touya from training. And this comes after a scene where we see Enji beat his wife when she doesn’t stop Touya from training.

With all that in mind, it could potentially be read as Rei trying stop Touya for the sake of protecting herself and the family -- I don’t think it’s coincidence that in the scene where he hits her that we see Shouto, Fuyumi & Natsuo all as witnesses who are very distressed by what’s happening to their mother -- at the cost of Touya’s need to be validated. And if executed well or at least better than it has here, that wouldn’t be a bad choice of narrative per se, and it would fit into the pattern where the households the villains were raised in -- notably Shigaraki, Dabi & Toga -- mimic the society they live in, just on a smaller scale.

Except. Does that sort of narrative make sense based on what we already know about Rei?

Certainly, it is natural to want to protect yourself under physical and/or emotional duress by appeasing your abuser. This sort of complicated dynamic appears in the Shimura family, too. Just like in the house that Kotaro built, the Todoroki family revolves around the desires of the abuser and is dictated by his whims.

I would argue that Nao does give us a well-written example of this narrative. From the beginning, it’s established that she loves Tenko dearly. But in the house her husband built, there’s no room to love her son as he deserves. She prioritizes the feelings of Tenko’s father for the sake of maintaining peace in the household and this is established quickly and plainly.

Early on in the flashback, Kotaro exerts his control over the house, while Nao + her parents look uncomfortable. Despite this, we watch as they comply with his rules, all at the expense of Tenko’s feelings. When she stands up to Kotaro at last, it is not where Tenko can see and already too late. It’s a painful story, full of regret and sadness, but it is consistent from start to end. Nobody feels out-of-character or there to prop up anybody else.

So why doesn’t Rei feel as consistent in this narrative?

Because it doesn’t fit with everything we knew about Rei prior to her abuser’s subpar redemption arc.

The way she interacts with Touya would make sense, if this was how she was portrayed from the start. However, her behavior in Shouto’s flashback -- where she was first introduced -- contrasts what we get in the later Todoroki flashbacks.

Let’s compare this to the scenes in Ch 302. Here, Rei interferes on Shouto’s behalf. She advocates for her son in front of Shouto where he can hear. She stands up to his bully/villain and tries to protect him, while also validating his feelings in the process. Directly after this, Enji hits her, not for failing to comply with his demands, but for defying him. 

It is difficult to reconcile this Rei with the Rei we get in Ch 302. And if you try to find an in-story reason for the inconsistency, the options either do a disservice to Rei or make things even more painful for Touya. But I’m sure most of you have realized that I’m going to suggest a reason for this inconsistency that goes beyond the canon.

Because when Rei was first introduced in the story, Endvr was unequivocally the villain in the Todoroki family, not some misguided patriarch trying to atone for his “past” mistakes. Years later and in the midst of his redemption arc, the narrative seems to be intent on making this man more palatable to readers, and it’s used Rei at every opportunity to prop up his efforts to be better. Often, though, it takes some of the heat off Enji by displacing it onto other family members, most significantly Rei & Touya.

Like, you can literally see the difference in the frame from early in the manga to now:

Ch 39: Endvr trains his five-year-old to the point where he’s throwing up due overextension and being punched by a fully grown adult who is also his father. Rei tries to protect her son and gets slapped by Endvr. All the blames rests squarely on Endvr, who is clearly the aggressor and painted as the villain here.

Ch 302: Endvr hits Rei for not preventing Touya from sneaking out to train, knocking her to the ground. Again, Endvr is clearly the aggressor, but oh this time it’s not driven solely by his selfish desires it’s also cocnern for his son; Rei is the victim but oh she also should have been watching him more closely, and oh well why was Touya going out in the first place, when everyone has told him to stop and he knows his mom will get punished for it?

Honestly, I can understand where some people have mixed feelings over Rei’s character, particularly since the writing has done her such a disservice recently. With that being said, however, it takes a minimum amount of critical thinking to recognize that while you can criticize some choices she made, you cannot hold her to the same standard of accountability as Enji, it’s absurd. The power imbalance was obviously tipped in Endvr’s favor, always.

It is a shame, too, that we can’t have more discussions that don’t turn into some readers (a lot of whom are attempting to make Endvr sound less horrible than he actually was) trying to demonize her. It’s doubly a shame the story itself doesn’t bother to flesh her out as a person, instead using her as a prop, because the complex relationships she has with Touya -- with all her children, really -- has plenty of room for exploration. 

Like, there was no reason to add this new dimension of resentment due to her spouting Enji’s words back at Touya, when there was already a source of tension supported by previous canon -- the neglect the Todoroki kids suffered because Rei couldn’t be the parent they needed, due to her declining mental health and eventual breakdown.

Or, if you want to complicate their dynamic further, why not add something that focuses on Rei and has nothing to do with Enji? We learn in the flashbacks that Rei agreed to the marriage more-or-less to please her family, lamenting that she “intended to smile through it to the end,” essentially admitting that her hope was she could grin and bear it. It is telling that she had this attitude before entering her marriage; evidently, she was raised with the idea that she should be acquiescent to her parents’ whims and not express herself if she was only going to be contrary. Maybe she didn’t know how to deal with Touya’s very expressive, very emotional outbursts as a result. And her inability to respond would be the exact opposite of what Touya was seeking.

Not to mention that Touya died, and for the last decade, Rei was under the impression she had lost her son forever. He died while she was hospitalized, torn up with guilt over what she did to Shouto, only to find out that her other son died in a frankly horrific manner, and she could do nothing. By the time she would’ve found out, it was too late to even try to do anything. I can’t imagine what she must’ve felt in terms of regret alone, plus her grief. And I’m still mad we were robbed of her reaction to Touya being alive, because now suddenly there is a chance to do something, to change what was once written in stone.

Or what about Touya’s feelings for his mother, that have yet to be given much depth? As the oldest and most aware of his existence, it seems like he was the first to truly understand his mother’s situation and I can’t help but wonder: If Touya knew he vessel for his father’s ambition, and his mother was sold into role of creating/caring for him, did he question her love for him? Once he found out one parent’s love was conditional, it wouldn’t be a leap for him to consider it for the other. And yet if that’s true, Dabi doesn’t appear to hold any ill-will towards her for that. He was angry at her hypocrisy, because he knows she should understand, but her words to him didn’t reflect that.

All of that is fascinating and so much better than what we got in canon, so far at least. I’m hoping for them interact in the present at least once before the end of the series, and I think they will, but as to how satisfying a reconciliation it’ll be, I guess we’ll have to wait to see how the Todoroki plotline progresses from here on out.

#bnha #touya todoroki #rei todoroki #bnha meta #bnha analysis #this took way too long because I kept having more thoughts which made it even longer lol #and it actually gave me another idea for a touya & rei meta post but this is already a monster so that'll have to be its own separate post

[littlewetbeast]

you know... sometimes i think i've got jackles figured out, i think i've nailed down why he's so inconsistent about destiel, why he acts so weird about it sometimes and other times not. then some information is flung at me and it's back to square one. why is that man so insane. he just genuinely confuses me.

aw man. this shit is like catnip to my overactive, over-analytical brain.

okay. listen. i’m not gonna lie: the more i try to understand the goings-on behind spn with any degree of nuance, the more my head threatens to melt. HOWEVER. while i joke about jensen ackles being an enigma, i don’t... actually think he is.

[disclaimer: the following points include speculation. i don’t know these people and will never claim to. this is just my take on it. never bring this up to the actors in question.]

the quick and dirty: i believe jensen is likely queer himself. i believe that he strongly identifies with dean, that he feeds off of the environment around him, and that how he feels he can act around destiel and dean’s sexuality depends on 1) his support network, 2) the immediate social environment, and 3) his work environment, all of which have evolved throughout the years BUT can also vary day to day. increased confidence and securer social environment has helped him decrease the need to perform and lessens the likelihood of acting out from insecurity, but doesn’t completely eliminate it. point is: the environment matters. the more insecure you are, the more it will affect your behaviour.

that’s it. not trying to excuse any shitty behaviour, just saying that’s what it is. 

the NOT so quick and dirty: so - my point is, as a queer guy in this industry, he has obviously learned to put up a front to protect himself. (even misha does this to some extent!) it’s douchey, and it’s stupid, but i understand it. think of the drastic difference of how he behaves around misha vs j*red, or even in a large group setting. i’m not saying he’s not friends with j*red, but i DO immediately see the difference of ‘front switched on’ and ‘front switched off’.

firstly - just because jensen has matured a lot over the past 15 years and is far more relaxed about himself today than he was back then, doesn’t mean he can’t still have moments of uncertainty that can occasionally push him back to his old, bad habits. basically, for someone who has grown up in a toxic heteronormative environment (being taught by his dad that drinking through straws was gay) - and in an industry that is very unfriendly to queerness and queer narratives until VERY recently (and even now is still pretty toxic) - utilizing his stupid douchey dudebro front during moments of anxiety has probably been his go-to coping method for the majority of his life. 

secondly - we all know he’s insanely close to dean as a character. dean is a part of him. he slips in and out of character effortlessly. he cares about dean and dean’s happiness. but dean was never intended to be a queer character. jensen has played queer characters before, but that’s the difference - he is ‘playing’ a queer character. he wasn’t supposed to be ‘playing’ dean as a queer character. readings of dean as queer makes, well. readings of him as queer. that’s it. for someone who puts up such a front, i can imagine he’d be shitting himself at people picking this up from him when he’s NOT in a supportive environment for it. (yes the ‘jackles acting choices’ are a Thing, but they most likely happened within more supportive environments and during times of confidence - and, let’s face it, i think sometimes jacting choices just naturally bleed in because he’s a good actor who makes good intuitive acting choices. that was likely the primary reason for it, especially early on.) 

basically - queer readings of dean are taken as queer readings of him. therefore, his reaction to destiel has also varied depending on the environment and his work circumstances. think of there being like... a constantly shifting scale of how supportive his social environment and work environment are of queer readings of the character he plays. the further back we go, the less supportive all of these factors are; the closer to the present, the more supportive these factors are.

“but rosa! why hasn’t he just shrugged and said it’s up to audience interpretation what dean’s sexuality is, like he has recently?”

because of *points to all of the above*.

let’s illustrate what i mean. 

exhibit A) it’s fairly early days of “destiel”, maybe season 6 or so. an audience member brings up dean’s reaction to dr sexy and asks why he can react like this yet destiel is not possible. jensen says dismissively because “destiel doesn’t exist” and that dean is simply a fan of the show, to an audience that cheers.

(work environment (spn): not supportive. immediate environment (audience): not supportive. social environment (j*red): less supportive*.) *I am not claiming j*red is homophobic; however, jensen HAS felt the need to perform around him aside from the last 1-2 years.

exhibit B) it’s 2019. jensen gets straddled by misha on stage and gets a [redacted] which j*red notices and covertly jokes about in front of a large audience. he visibly becomes upset and is in a vulnerable state. misha points out a ‘destiel is real’ t-shirt (the very fact that misha did this suggests he’s far more used to a jensen who is relaxed and supportive). jensen gets defensive and asks ‘where is destiel real?’

(work environment (spn): uncertain. immediate environment (audience): uncertain. social environment (j*red and misha): mixed*.) *do i think jensen would have reacted 10x better if j*red had not been there? yes. yes, i do. do i think he would he have reacted better if he hadn’t had a [redacted] that j*red made fun of? yes. yes, i do.

exhibit C) it’s 2019. jensen and j*red are in front of an audience which, given today’s times, are likely more used to queer narratives. it’s highly possible the queer storyline for cas has been confirmed at this point. jensen is calm and in control, and is not feeling the need to act up his front. someone brings up ‘samstiel’ and j*red gags. jensen, unprompted, shows support for destiel.

(work environment (spn): given the timing, likely supportive. immediate environment (audience): likely supportive. social environment: (at home) supportive, j*red: supportive or mixed.)

we know that he has progressively felt less of a need to use his ‘front’ and has become more relaxed over the years, which i believe is likely hugely due to the positive influences of danneel and misha (and maybe others). i don’t think that has been the case for ONLY the last two years. i think jensen during exhibit B was miles away from jensen in exhibit A. jensen is not miles away between exhibit B and exhibit C. those two are differences of environments where he feels confident, in control, and is supported by the narrative he’s meant to play (C), vs an environment he felt less supported and less in control of (B).  i won’t get into it in depth here, but it’s worth noting that the past ten years have also seen huge changes in fandom culture, how actors and fandom interact, and how the film industry and corporations at large handle queer narrative and fans. that certainly affects this dynamic.

and that’s it, really. jensen is a sensitive person who feeds heavily off the people and environments he’s in. he’s matured a lot over the years and i truly don’t think it’s a stretch to say that, in environments that would have supported it, he likely has been very positive about queer narratives in spn. source: his stark difference around misha, his willingness to flirt and joke about dean and cas with him, his occasional calmer and balanced reactions to destiel in more private settings.

aaand that’s how i see it, really. even if you don’t subscribe to truthing - or even jensen being queer - all of these things apply just as strongly to men who feel the need to perform. what can i say, toxic masculinity and homophobia sucks a lot and i’m glad society is shifting slowly in the right direction, and that jensen feels safer and more secure than he once did. shame the cw is unwilling to get with the times. EDIT: for some additional, vital context, i refer you to these two additional posts, which cover his upbringing, how speculations about his sexuality has hounded him his whole career, and his first intro to shipping on supernatural being j2/wincest, which included some real ugly shit.

#ask #rosa answers #analysis #jensen ackles #destiel #deancas #jenmish #cockles #gunshots #i am terminally incapable of giving short answers!!! sorry!!!! #YES i can and WILL indulge in speculations around dumb celebrities within the safety and comfort of my tumblr nest

[80s4life]

The Thought Of Losing You

Word Count: 2,507

Status: Not Requested!

Fandom: Lethal Weapon 1987 {1}

A/N: This follows sort of around the ending of the first Lethal Weapon film where both Riggs, Murtaugh, and Rianne were being tortured in separate ways. I know it sounds brutal, but trust me, it isn't that bad. AND! Happy ending! (Spent all night on this!)

Relationship: Martin Riggs x Reader

Summary: When a team is formed, Roger Murtaugh and Martin Riggs are solidified together once Y/N is added to the mix, squeezing in perfectly. Although very fiery and stubborn at heart, childish games and teasing became common place for sergeant Y/N and Martin, unable to let the other out-trash their own trash talk. But, when there is a complication during the final breakthrough of the whereabouts of the heroin-trafficking cartel, Y/N is separated from the duo. Only coming together when a kidnapping sends her in a desperate spiral trying to save the people she loves, especially Riggs.

Warnings: violent themes, kidnap, manipulation, torture, violence, language, attempted!self-surrender/suicide, 18+ audience suggested, read at own risk

Masterlist Lethal Weapon Masterlist

Prompts: #67, #68, #100 (from this list @palettes-and-prompts) & #6, #8, #17 (from this list @waiting-for-motivation)

{I do not own any of the prompts, credits to original owners above, nor do I own the gif below -> @leofromthedark}

Strolling around to the back of the supposed drug dealer's extravagant condo, Murtaugh, Riggs, and I engage in light conversation, silently noting and observing our surroundings. Stopping just near the edge of the rather expensive-looking below ground pool, Murtaugh and Riggs catch sight of two brunette women inside. Rolling my eyes, I expect Riggs to do something flirtatious, a painstakingly common reaction to almost every woman he lays eyes on. Every woman... except me. Yet, I pay no mind, Riggs' crazy nature probably too much for me to handle anyway.

Murtaugh flashes his gun, indicating to the women that he is armed. In a flash of a second, just merely after he had shown his weapon, the women duck and run from within the glass-paned wall, just in time for a man to blast a shot from behind. More specifically, the source being a shed occupying the space on the opposite side of the pool we resided on, destroying bits of its siding from the sheer distance and voracity of his attempt of subduing at least one of us.

But, we came prepared, although we were slightly taken aback, Murtaugh's swift abilities with a gun coming in handy as he lands on the drug dealer's right knee, lower thigh area. Splitting off, Murtaugh and I take either end of the pool's side, desperately trying to corral the person of interest. All the while as Riggs takes the women from in the house outside and to the nearest tree, in case of them being suspects as well, handcuffing their wrists together around the tree.

Once the task is done, Riggs hurries over to our aid, following our one, sole purpose: keeping the suspect alive for questioning.

Coming around the perimeter of the pool, Murtaugh reminds Riggs of this rule, replaying it to refresh his sometimes questionable mind. This, however, does not work in our favor as the man pulls yet another gun, this time a pistol, as Riggs had went to pull the man up.

"He's got a gun!" I scream, yet it's all in vain, as Riggs tries to act just as fast as his reflexes would've allowed, lifting the man's aimed arm as the trigger was pulled.

Yelping in surprise, I clench my teeth as the copper red liquid instantly encompasses the injured area, jerking as far away from the incident as possible.

"Y/N!" Murtaugh yells, instantly coming to my side as I go crashing to the concrete floor, catching my head and my left side as I now slowly lean into the ground below me, clutching the stinging injury to the right of my abdomen.

As Murtaugh had come to my side, Riggs took care of the suspect, unfortunately not being able to accomplish our sole purpose of being here, but overall getting rid of the threat.

"Cocksucker," he all but grunts, as he makes sure to shoot the man once more, pissed at the fact that I had gotten shot, although that fact being unbeknownst to me. "I'll call the ambulance," he all put spits out some time later, not making any attempt to check on my well being nor even making eye contact, stalking back through the side gate we had entered through.

//Some time later//

Now nestled safely and securely, I lay within the gloomy walls of the hospital, hooked up with some anesthetics and monitors, all for separate purposes. The stitches surely going to leave an awesome scar, only adding to my aggravation and exhaustion as the day finally settles and the slightest of movements constantly sending sharp pains within my whole body.

The doctors, coming in every so often, had reassured me of a discharge after the course of at least 2-4 days, only needing to ensure the proper sanitary measures are used and stitches being durable and strong without issues or tears.

Staring off at one of the four blank and colorless walls, in a daze, my ears perk up at the sound of a knock on my door, followed by Roger and Martin entering the room.

Handing me a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, I smile at Roger as he pulls a chair beside my bed, asking, "How ya' feeling, Shortie? How're they treatin' ya' here?"

Giggling at the nickname, I respond with an, "I'm doing just as good as I can I guess. It's not so bad here either. The nurses are nice, although they're all pitiful glances and meek gestures, coming in and out as quickly as possible. I guess bullet wounds aren't their preferred cases?" I joke lightly, trying to lighten the tension in the room.

Roger catches on instantly, having caught wind on Martin's rather uncharacteristically quiet sulking in the far corner of the room. Turning to look at him briefly, he all but shrugs at me as he comes up with no response or solution to his partner's unknown issue.

Checking the time, I make up an excuse, assuming Riggs just didn't want to be here maybe? "Damn, look at the time...It's almost 9 pm guys, don't wanna be late for Trish's cooking do ya'?"

"Shit, really? Come on Riggs, you know the ass whoopin' I'm gonna get? Let's go, minus well feed you too, huh?" Murtaugh says, getting his coat and squeezing my shoulder, giving me a sympathetic look that I swipe away quickly. Riggs just gets up, side-eyeing me once quickly, but above all, ignores my presence and leaves the room. With one final look from Rog, he shuts the door, leaving me to my boredom for the remainder of my stay.

//Some time later//

Having been discharged, Roger had caught me up on the recent news, and how they had left to finish the job a day before I had gotten out of the hospital, that being yesterday evening, and it now being a full 24 hours of no communication from them.

This had struck me as odd, given that they were very advanced in their fields. Finding the whereabouts was the last big hump of every mission, the rest supposedly coming easy. This had all changed as soon as I had stepped foot onto my front porch, a not left hanging slightly within the pocket of my mailbox.

The words shocking me to the core;

"Come to xxxxxxxxxx if you want to save your partners. 8 o'clock. Sharp."

Rushing to my car, I waste no time, pulling out of the driveway and to the given destination, the time being almost too close to the deadline as I preferred it to be.

Once outside of the destination, an old, run-down warehouse stands gloomily in front of me as I slip my gun into the waistband of my jeans. Another, tucked against my ankle within my boots.

I move quietly, staying alert as I enter the warehouse quietly, instantly hit with the cries of what could only belong to Riggs, my heart wrenching. A new feeling that I instantly push aside. Following the pained screams, inching closer to the source, I catch wind of yet another's set of booming cries as well, recognizing it as Murtaugh.

With this new set of knowledge, my heart does another painful flip, as the sheer terror now courses through my veins as if it was my blood. They were the toughest men I had ever known. At least that is how I had always felt, how I feel right now, but with their pained screams, it makes me feel utterly hopeless.

Drawing my gun, I aim it before me, right beside the wall I hide on, lining it up around the corner, my full intention at being able to at least shoot down one of the three men guarding one of my teammates; their identity unknown to me at the moment with the unfortunate dimness.

Taking the shot, I hit one man, the two now swinging to guard the area, looking my direction. The man held captured, Riggs, tied to the ceiling, consistently doused in water, making the homemade shock therapy increasingly unbearable with multiple relentless blows.

"Come out now, Little Rabbit, or I pull the trigger," a booming voice commands, me now peeking out from the corner to see none other than Mr. Joshua, the man we've been after, pressing a firm gun to Riggs' limp form.

Coming out from my hiding space, Joshua motions for his goons to grab me, now taking Riggs off the hook, and into another room. The room we are led to happens to be the room Murtaugh is in, his daughter beside him, both incarcerated and handcuffed. Moving Riggs to the chair beside the pair, he is tied down just as I am, the four of us now completely helpless.

Mr. Joshua, confident and prideful of his work, moves Riggs to the center of the room, starting his interrogation, answering with beatings and threats here and there. The cause: the information given by Hunsaker on his heroin-trafficking cartel.

Just as Joshua leaves yet another powerful blow, Riggs' strength starts to run low, just watching him making me squirm in my chair, wanting nothing but to take him in my arms and drag him as far away from here as possible.

"If you have to kill one of us, kill me. Take me instead, please? Just stop! Stop all of this now," I say breathlessly, doing anything in my will to get their hands off of Riggs.

"What would I want with someone as pathetic as you?" Mr. Joshua answers bitterly.

"Information. That's all you want right? You just want details about the business, you went through all this trouble, and for what? Just to kill us in the end? I know your type. You can't get off without getting what you want, and this would've all gone to waste without it," I respond, determined now.

"So, what do you want? To strike a deal?" I nod. "So, if I let them go, you'll give me what I want?" I nod again.

"Y/N no," Riggs says, now worried about what you're going up against.

"Shut it," Joshua states strictly.

"Y/N, listen to Riggs! You can't do this!" Murtaugh adds, now borderline terrified as everyone in this room is filled with the most important people in his life, all threatened with the only thing that could take them all away: death.

"SHUT IT!" Joshua all but screams now. "Fine. I'll take you up on your little deal. However, you fuck with me, I'm killing them."

"I don't agree with you unless you cut them loose right now, and I am assured that they are out of this building," I say confidently, yet shaking with fear.

He nods his agreement, showing a security camera view from one of his computers, watching as Rianne, Roger, and Martin are all led back outside, handcuffs removed, and all moved into my car, them pulling away from the warehouse.

Pulling the computer's view away from me now, he turns to me sharply, my gaze turning upward as my arms are still strapped behind my back, behind the chair. "Now," he starts, the voice strict like a parent beginning to question a toddler, "The information. What did Hunsaker tell you?"

Taking a breath in through my nose, I exhale through my mouth as I ponder my response, "Just as much as he's told you."

With this, Mr. Joshua lets out a scream, landing a punch to the jaw, my body leaning in on the stitches. Taking notice to my sharp intake of breath from the movement, Joshua uses that to his advantage, grabbing a knife, lifting my shirt, and pressing the cool metal along the line of handiwork. The only thing keeping my skin together at the moment.

"Let's try this again, what information did you receive from Hunsaker?"

"I told you. I. Don't. Know."

"Bullshit!" He digs into the skin, smirking at the cry of agony and shaking engulf my body.

"I-I don't know anymore than you do! Please! He was killed before we got anything from him!"

"Bullshit," he answers playfully now, dragging the blade of the knife wherever he pleases now, enjoying my pleads.

As he opens up my stitched bullet wound, he goes to start at another spot, the attempt being short-lived as a bullet wound of his own goes through his skull, the source standing in the doorway alongside Murtaugh with Rianne tucked under her father's arm.

Crying now, I sigh in relief as Riggs rushes to me, cutting me loose and lifting my limp body. Carrying me to the car, we make our way to the hospital once more.

During the wait and multiple switching of rooms, Riggs stays, waiting for me, only getting up once I emerge from the exit, patched up and clean. He smirks at me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, leading me to Rog's car, taking us to the only place we find comfort; his house.

//Some time later//

Getting settled in at the Murtaugh residence, Riggs and I share Rianne's room, which was so generously offered as one of the youngest decide to have a sleepover with her.

Looking over at Riggs, he looks at me, covered in open cuts and bruises, dirt and grime, and, taking a first aid kit from Rianne's desk, I make it my priority to get them fixed up.

"What are you doing?" Riggs asks, tiredly amused.

"Taking care of you, it's the least I can do," I reply determined once again.

"Awww! Someone's got a little crush on me huh?"

"Hey! When I finish patching you up, I swear to God I'm gonna kick your ass for making me worry about you," I say jokingly. Riggs replying by grabbing me by the waist and pulling me closer.

Locking eyes on one another now, I couldn't help but joke once more, adding a sly, "Is this the moment that we kiss?"

Giggling, he looks down, placing his head on my chest, murmuring, "I think I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do. I mean, I've been married before, and I- I lost her and I don't wanna lose you too- I couldn't live if you go too, I-"

Grabbing his chin, I tilt his head upwards to meet my gaze, "Look at me, Riggs. Look at me. I love you."

Eyes watering, he leans in for a kiss, my hands finding way to his hair, while his pull my hips into his lap, wrapping lightly around them. After leaning back for air, we giggle once more, leaning our foreheads against one another.

"I never want to ever feel the fear of the thought of losing you again, okay? So don't be a dumbass, Dumbass."

"Yeah, yeah," Riggs answers once more, leaning in for another kiss.

#mel gibson #danny glover #traci wolfe #lethal weapon #lethal weapon 1989 #martin riggs #rianne murtaugh #martin riggs x reader #female reader insert #martin riggs imagine #lethal weapon imagine #roger murtaugh #mel gibson imagine #mel gibson x reader #1989 #80s #90s

[wormboytrav]

light fury design analysis

hi! i'm an artist and i grew up loving httyd, so i'd like to make a post describing my reactions and thoughts on the light fury's design. in no way am i trying to hate on anyone, this is purely sourced from my views. that being said, let me know what you think!!!

okay. first off, to put down a baseline for httyd character designs in general, let's talk about toothless's httyd 1 design

the thing that i love about this design is how much character they really fit into it! they made sure to humanize him just enough to be likable while still emphasizing that he's, you know, a dragon. additionally, if someone were to ask you "what animal does this look like (besides a dragon)?" you'd probably say cat! they use a lot of body language and structure to make him very feline, which not only shows a lot of personality right off the bat but makes him more familiar and likeable to the audience.

as you can see in the picture, toothless has some markings. this highly suggests that he could have been based, specifically, on black panthers

see the similarities?? both are muscularly-built felines with light colored eyes and a dark base color with faint patterns. however, httyd made it subtle enough that he's definitely a dragon. no doubt about that, from all the little details like his spines and tail fins! he definitely looks like he could be a naturally occuring animal, which makes him fit in really well with the world. his body makes sense.

httyd uses the trick of basing dragons off of other animals a lot actually! albeit, usually with the more main dragons of the series.

take stormfly, whose body composition and coloring make her look like a tropical bird. additionally, her crest and tail spines are very feathery, and she makes bird-like noises! hell, she has a beak. this is indicitive of her speed and intelligence among dragons.

another good (but more subtle) example is the bewilderbeast. those shapes of tusks are only really seen on this dragon, just like in real life they're only really seen on elephants. that and this dragon's immense size and gray coloring make it very reminiscent of an elephant, cementing the nature of wisdom and gentleness it has (therefore making drago's bewilderbeast's behavior even more unsettling).

so. we've established how httyd makes memorable dragon designs. now let's get to business with httyd 3 and the light fury.

here's toothless's httyd 3 design. what strikes me first is how he is much more humanized - honestly, if this was a movie where dragons talked, that'd be great! but it isn't. the main reasons for this is that his face became flatter in the front and they also gave him...eyebrows? because dreamworks just loves eyebrows. also, his pupils aren't even vaguely slit shaped anymore, which makes him look more dog than cat. this kind of unravels a lot of his previous design. he's more of a human-dog-lizard thing than a feline dragon to me.

also, speaking of his eyes, they're much bigger. which, as he's supposed to look more mature and adult-like in this film, is strange - big eyes are characteristic in young animals.

anyway. so httyd 3 character design is already off to a bad start. now let's look at the light fury.

here she is! this dragon already has a huge amount of differences from toothless. she's a whole lot smoother, and her features are all made to be more "feminine" (bigger eyes, smaller nose, smaller size and smaller fins). Also, she's sparkly. For...no reason. Altogether, if you showed me this dragon, I'd say she's aquatic. I mean, if we go with the trend of modeling dragons after real life animals, you have the dolphin!

both the colors and the general smoothness of dolphins really correspond to the light fury, and the tails also have a resemblance. they could've used this to symbolise her being intelligent or playful as well!

but...no. they didn't base her off dolphins. they based her off of 2 animals - the snow leopard and the axolotl.

the snow leopard makes huge sense! after all, toothless resemble's a black panther, which is closely related.

but look at the snow leopard. this looks nothing like the light fury, who is very slim and smooth. she has markings, but they're virtually invisible in most shots. and correct me if i'm wrong, but even albino leopards have markings. so...that's out of the question.

now here's an axolotl! that also looks a lot like toothless, right? and right off the bat, i see the similarities. they're both smooth, white, and have that continuous ridge going down their backs, and they're keeping with the first impression of an aquatic animal. however...the light fury is lacking those characteristic fronds around the face. it doesn't make any sense for these to be slimmed down "because she's a girl," either. night furies use those for echolocation. do light furies not need to navigate in the dark?????

i'm going to be completely honest with you. the light fury design looks like it was made to be easy to produce as toys. they slapped together a bunch of stereotypes (slim, pinkish undertones, sparkles?!) and smoothed down her figure. the excuse "but she's female!! female animals look like this!!" doesn't hold water because A. she's missing body parts that don't rely on gender (echolocation ears) and B. look at meatlug

they didn't give this dragon tits or make her hot pink! they just called her a girl! what makes this argument even stronger is that everyone thought meatlug was male at first, proving that httyd dragons don't have many obvious differences between gender. also, if anything, while the light fury supposed to be a symbol of toothless's maturity, she looks younger than him. which is gross! httyd has always been pretty good about treating female characters the same as male ones, so the light fury came as a huge shock to me.

now let's look at her concept art

sweet thor in a thunderstorm!!! this is awesome! yeah, i know! what i see here is a successful combination of axolotl and snow leopard traits - while keeping that draconic twist! there's more fronds generally everywhere (even the wings!), and it looks like she has markings as well. in all, she looks sturdy, realistic, and mature. this is not a baby dragon, she effectively looks older than toothless! also, she doesn't sparkle, and seems to even have misty powers if you look at her mouth closely (more fitting than the light fury's canon invisibility but with the same function, if you ask me).

the main reason this specific design was scrapped was that it would be too hard to animate. and, i get it. i've animated things myself. but honestly? they could handle the two-headed zippleback! they could handle the red death and the bewilderbeasts! they couldn't handle a few more fronds and a tail change? even with two movies under their belt and a ton of funding? what i think is that they wanted to make her design more generic, and as i mentioned earlier, more manufacturable. it's sad. capitalism is killing creativity.

that's all i got, folks! let me know what you think, and if you want me to make any more in-depth posts like this (and show me your light fury art while you're at it!!) thanks!

#how to train your dragon #httyd #httyd 3 #how to train your dragon 3 #night fury #light fury #character design #analysis #art analysis #mine #long post #travs greatest hits

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 4

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

part 3: “Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

* 

“But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

Before I get into seasons six and seven, it’s worth asking: why would the show do all of this? Why would it spend all of this time developing a supporting villain and joke id character? Why would it give him a romantic arc? I see people say that the writers only gave Spike these storylines because he was popular or they wanted to keep him around, but even that being the case, there was no need to give him the specific arc that they did. It’s more than possible to read meaning into the story that they chose from the array of possible options. 

Here is the thing about the id. It’s not actually something separate from you. It’s not a ravenous monster you can blame your weaknesses on while remaining pure and dignified. The id is part of you. The immediate and enduring appeal of Spike is, I suspect, strongly influenced by the fact that the things the id wants are so very human and sympathetic. His foibles and mistakes are often painfully familiar, even exaggerated through vampirism as they are. In fact, it’s precisely because Spike is allowed to show a full range of reactions to love, because the writing is under less pressure for him to do the “right” or dignified thing, that he can at times be compelling in ways other characters can’t. If Spike just did nasty things, his appeal wouldn’t be much more complicated than the appeal of Angelus, who people tend to like as a villain or storyline rather than as a relatable character. But Spike doesn’t want to dismember nuns or construct elaborate murder tableaux. He wants familiar things like love, identity and meaning, even if the ways he goes about getting them can reflect people’s worst impulses. 

Which brings us to Buffy, and Buffy’s story about growing up. Buffy is Buffy’s show, which means that every writing choice tends to revolve around her arc in one way or another. And this goes for Spike’s storyline even more than most. In the final three seasons of the show, the writing finally engages with how inextricable the id--and all of its impulsive, inarticulate romantic desires--really is from a person’s self. So instead of keeping Spike at a comfortable distance, both Buffy and the writing begin to take him seriously. They begin to invite him in.

Starting in season five, it’s telling how frequently Buffy herself projects on Spike, rather than just the writing setting them up as mirrors. She tells him that he’s the “only one strong enough” to protect her family, and later assigns Dawn specifically to his protection. In “Spiral” she describes him as “the only one besides me that has any chance of protecting Dawn.” This is a very intimate role that she otherwise only assigns to herself (and which is not really based on pure practicality, considering that she’ll later describe Willow as her “big gun”--yet never gives Willow the task of protecting Dawn). She tells him that he cannot love, which is the thing she fears most about herself. Her protests that Spike is a vampire, and thus cannot express or want human things like love, mirror her lamentations that as the Slayer, she cannot have a normal life.

From the Gilliland Gothic double essay:

More than any of her other lovers, Buffy and Spike overlap one another so often that at times their character arcs become nearly indistinguishable. With Angel, Buffy traveled a parallel path in attempting to master self-control. With Riley, her journey ultimately took her in the opposite direction. With Spike, Buffy’s journey is most closely shadowed, in that her interactions with him in many ways can be seen as metaphors for her feelings about herself.

So now Spike is multiple things. On the one hand, he’s the soulless id he’s been since season two. His vampiric behavior represents a morally uninhibited way of reacting to romantic frustrations, among other things. But on the other hand, his vampirism now also marks him as like Buffy, not merely her opposite.* Nor is he only her mirror in the realm of romantic love. The part of him that is a vampire is the part of him that is supernatural (ie, Romantically larger-than-life), that sets him apart from regular people, and dictates how he can and cannot behave. Just like Buffy’s slayerness. His vampirism is what makes him capable of protecting Dawn, while also making him (supposedly, according to Buffy) incapable of human feeling--again, just like Buffy’s slayerness. Instead of Buffy’s Slayer side being aligned with Angelus, who was an unmitigated evil, it becomes aligned with Spike, who is something more complicated. 

*(Though it must be noted that this was a process that began in season four, with the show aligning Spike with the Scoobies by making him a victim of the Initiative. Spike being supernatural suddenly marks him as non-normative, just like the Scoobies, in contrast to the institutional conformity that the Initiative represents. The evolution towards treating the Romantic supernatural as something positive and associated with identity plays a key role in transitioning the show to the more complicated attitudes of the last three seasons.)

This shift in the show’s attitudes towards the id affects how Spike is used. In “Blood Ties” for example, Spike assists Dawn in breaking into the Magic Shop and in “Forever” he helps Dawn resurrect her and Buffy’s mother. In both cases, Spike could be read as embodying impulsive behavior that Buffy is supposed to be better than. Yet both cases specifically involve Spike helping Dawn, who is repeatedly portrayed as Buffy’s human side. As Buffy says in “The Gift”: “[Dawn]’s more than [my sister]. She’s me. The monks made her out of me. [...] Dawn is a part of me. The only part that I--”. In other words, Buffy’s id becomes closely tied to her humanity, even going so far as to become its safeguard. “Blood Ties” ends with Buffy affirming her connection to Dawn, which Spike’s rule-breaking directly enabled, and “Forever” ends with Buffy acknowledging how desperately she wants her mother back too, and becoming closer to Dawn as a result. (Compare to “Lovers Walk”, where Buffy acknowledging her id results in her breaking away from Angel, not drawing closer to anyone). Or in “Intervention”, Spike building the Buffybot directly parallels Buffy’s own anxieties about what she thinks she should be. She thinks she’s losing her ability to love, and that effusive fakery is her only recourse (as she said in “I Was Made to Love You”: “Maybe I could change. [...] I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes. I mean men like that right? The joke laughing at?”), a fear that even has some merit, given that her friends cannot tell her and the bot apart. Instead of Buffy and Spike having separate arcs in the episode, Spike learning the difference between real and fake dovetails with Buffy’s own relationship to her realness and fakeness. It turns out that neither of them want a bot version of Buffy. They want real emotion, things like sacrifice and heartfelt gratitude. If even Buffy’s id would let itself be killed for Dawn, then maybe she has nothing to fear from herself. Maybe there is some beauty in the emotional part of her nature that she thinks she must repress.

In other words, part of the writing (and Buffy) fully engaging with romanticism and the id, means engaging with the ways they can be bad and good. There’s this weird thing that happens with Spike as soon as he falls in love with Buffy, where suddenly his actions are more uncomfortable, and to many, off-putting, because their object is Buffy (instead of another vampire like Harmony or Drusilla, who either enjoy the same vampiric things he does, or the audience might be inclined to see as a moral nonentity regardless). His comic id quality becomes somewhat darker and more serious, almost like the way Angel’s early season two darkness becomes more serious after he loses his soul. But at the same time, Spike’s actions are also more intriguing, sympathetic, and even noble...because their object is Buffy. It makes no sense that a soulless vampire should not only fall in love with the Slayer, but genuinely attempt to transform himself into someone worthy of her love. And yet that’s exactly what Buffy inspires him to do. By loving Buffy Spike’s dual nature, and the dual nature of his romanticism, is thrown into relief: it’s something that can be selfish and creepy, yes, but also something that hints at the idea that real romanticism does exist. Something worth feeling romantically about does exist. Thus the writing can at once criticize, say, the way the chivalric mindset conflates love and suffering, while also suggesting that there are kinds of love it’s worth being transformed by. (Meanwhile, Spike’s fumbling bewilderment over how to love Buffy, and what the rules of loving people correctly even are, creates a human middle ground between monstrousness and heroism). By leaning into the way that Buffy and Spike have been used as mirrors for three seasons, and introducing the mythology-bending idea of Spike being in love with Buffy, the writing is able to fully engage with this complicated, contradictory nature of love and romance.

All of which is to say. Spike becomes a potential love interest, and is given a convoluted inner conflict between monstrousness, humanity and heroism, in precisely the season in which Buffy begins to reckon with her own inner conflict between her darker impulses, her human reality, and her supernatural role. It’s no coincidence that season five opens with Dracula, an icon of romantic vampire mythology, tempting Buffy with darkness and promising her insight into her nature. Or that a vampire kidnaps Dawn--again, her human half--in the next episode. Or that the season’s antagonist is a super-strong blonde woman who wants to destroy Dawn instead of protect her. Or that she says goodbye to Riley, the boyfriend who embodied her hopes for a more normative way of being (notice how Riley is progressively destabilized by everything non-normative about Buffy’s life, and provokes those anxieties Buffy expresses in “I Was Made to Love You”). Over and over in season five, Buffy fears that her Slayer half is cold, destructive, and otherwise dangerous. That these Romantic things like gods and vampires have it in for Buffy’s vulnerable humanity. Yet Buffy’s vampire id simultaneously gives lie to these fears by proving itself capable of heroism and genuine human feeling.

In other words, Spike becomes a potential love interest in a season that treats the Romantic--ie the grand and mythical--as something more than just an attractive lie to be disabused of. Rather, the question that season five seems to posit to me, and which will not be fully answered until the end of season seven, is this: once you do clear away the attractive lies, once you accept the hard realities, once you’ve seen the darkest underbellies, what are the things that are left that are truly grand and beautiful? What are the stories that are really worth telling, and the heroes that are really worth having?

And the show asks and answers these questions on both a very personal level, and a more meta, systemic level. On the personal level, Buffy and Spike are forced to confront their illusions not just about the world, but about themselves. They are made to ask themselves what constitutes a heroic role or a demonic weakness, versus basic, unromantic humanity. And on the meta level, the show asks questions about our expectations for how both love stories and chosen hero stories are supposed to go.

part 5: “Everything used to be so clear”: Season six and the agony of the real

#romanticism series #gen #s5 #buffy #spike #riley #btvs

[arotechno]

re: Moses Sumney

Originally, I wasn’t going to say anything, because I have a significant audience and I didn’t want to put a spotlight on something if nobody was paying attention to it. But I’ve seen more and more about this, so I decided to say something.

I am not going to boost the original post that’s going around that seemed to start all of this, because I think it’s disingenuous and I don’t want to spread it around any further. In fact, I may regret bringing this up at all, but I digress. For context: some folks have recently learned that Moses Sumney, who wrote the album “Aromanticism”, does not explicitly self-identify as aro. Many are upset about this, and feel that by invoking the name of aromanticism as his album title and leading people to believe that he identified as such, he is profiting off of the aro experience in some way, or using us for his aesthetic.

I deeply understand the frustration I am seeing re: Moses Sumney right now. It is incredibly disheartening to see that a celebrity you thought shared your identity doesn’t, and I think people’s discomfort with Sumney using the title of Aromanticism and leading people to believe he was aro is warranted. While he never explicitly identified himself as aro, naturally people are going to assume as such when you allude to those experiences so heavily and name your album after it. I think all these feelings are valid and I don’t want anyone to feel like they aren’t allowed to feel pissed or let down.

However: I would strongly caution us against this kneejerk reaction some folks seem to have had to cancel Moses Sumney over this. The original post I alluded to frames Sumney’s actions as exploitative in some way, as though he were intentionally profiting off of the aro community somehow. Here are my thoughts on the matter:

1. The aro community is not exactly in a position right now where talking about us really earns you any clout. Regardless, Sumney has stated that he turned down opportunities meant for queer artists because he does not identify as queer. I believe him; it’s certainly okay if you don’t, but to suggest that he has profited off of being perceived as aro seems unsupported to me, given that many critics and reviewers of the album have willfully misinterpreted it anyway. There are very few interviews with Sumney, to my knowledge, that seem to entertain the possibility that he might be aro as anything positive.

2. While it is understandable to be upset with Sumney for not being clear about whether or not he identified as aro when the album was released, it is unfair to expect him to use the labels we would like him to if he does not want to, even if the experiences he has described are tangentially similar to our own. This is particularly important given that Sumney is a Black man, and as he himself has stated, Black folks are often not given the same agency over their identity and orientation that white people are. Especially when he is a public figure--Sumney is a Black artist who deviates from the heteronormative standard, regardless of how he labels himself (something he himself has explained), and thus he was always going to be boxed in and picked apart by media outlets looking for someone or something new to sensationalize for clicks. At the end of the day, while being a celebrity, he’s still just a person, and he doesn’t owe anyone constant corrections or explanations of his identity or the use of labels he does not want to use.

3. “Aromanticism”, the album, was deeply influential in the aro community at the time of its release in 2017 and remains as such for many to this day. Many arospec folks resonated with it in some way or another, and frankly just seeing someone in the public eye acknowledge the very existence of aromanticism and create art related to aro or aro-adjacent experiences was groundbreaking for many of us during a time when the word “aromantic” hadn’t even been added to the dictionary yet. And that’s something else important to note--even if Moses Sumney doesn’t identify as aromantic, the experiences he talks about in interviews and alludes to on the album are aro-adjacent ones. To that point:

4. I understand that many feel like their identity has been used as an aesthetic. Even if that wasn’t Sumney’s intent, I think it’s valid to feel that way. But if we don’t allow anyone who doesn’t explicitly self-identify as aro to even invoke the name of aromanticism in their art, we will be hard-pressed to find anyone willing to talk about us at all. Maybe I would feel differently if we were in a place where talking about aro issues was the latest trend and Sumney could truly profit off of us, or if the album was a complete willful misrepresentation of aro experiences. But I don’t think either of those things are true, and I am troubled by the fact that an album that has been lauded as a piece of iconic aro media is suddenly being cast aside as exploitative and bad simply because Sumney doesn’t actively share our identity labels (a fact that was publicly accessible long before this, just for what it’s worth, though I don’t blame anyone for not knowing that).

Again, I want to reiterate that I don’t intend to invalidate anyone’s feelings on the matter. I share some of those sentiments myself. But Sumney’s work (both on the album itself and in interviews and statements he has given surrounding it) to challenge amatonormativity should not be discounted. Personal feelings about Sumney’s handling of the situation notwithstanding, the release of the album was in and of itself a net positive for the aro community. I personally don’t think him not identifying as aromantic discounts that in any way, and I fail to see the issue with that.

tl;dr Please don’t take anyone’s interpretations of Moses Sumney’s words and actions as gospel (including my own!). “Aromanticism” is an album that resonates with many aro experiences, written from his own experiences, and its positive influence doesn’t disappear once people realize that Sumney isn’t aromantic. By all means, feel however you want to feel about it and about him--but I would discourage anyone from jumping to conclusions about Moses Sumney’s intentions and cancelling him/his work because of it.

#aro #aromantic #aro community #moses sumney #long post #op #sorry i'm not putting a read more on this because i have decided it's required reading