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wttcsms · 1 year

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diesel is desire (we were playing with fire) ; sebastian sallow

pairing sebastian sallow x f!reader word count 4k synopsis sebastian sallow is a good friend. so good, in fact, that when you find yourself under the ungodly influence of a lust potion, he's willing to help give you some relief. content contains seventh year au, dubcon (under the influence of lust potion), darker take on seb's character lol <3, breeding kink, creampie, possessive!sebastian, possessive sex, virginity loss, babytrapping

“Why did you go out of your way to avoid me?”

An accusatory voice momentarily breaks you free from the overwhelming feelings you were struggling to deal with, but the voice is too familiar.

The source? Sebastian Sallow — a very disappointed Sebastian Sallow, which after two years of friendship (and the lingering what-if of becoming something more), you’re able to identify as a Sebastian that you would much rather not be dealing with. Particularly because, try as hard as he might, he’s rather prone to saying harsh things and treating you unkindly whenever he gets into one of his moods. The hurt expression on his face is barely concealed by the scowl that mars his otherwise handsome features.

Don’t think about how handsome he is!

Instead of replying to him, you’re quick to turn your head to the side, trying to focus on the curtain that separates your cot from the others in the infirmary. It’ll do no good to engage with Sebastian right now — not whenever the reason you’ve been compelled to check yourself in to the school nurse is purely because you’re not sure if you have enough self-control to stop yourself from literally ripping his robes off of him.

But it’s not like you can tell him all that. Lying would be preferable, if only Sebastian wasn’t so attuned to you and every single one of your tells. If you attempted lying to him, who knows what more damage you would cause? Then again, blatantly ignoring him also seems equally dangerous, especially with how quick to irritate he’s been lately. Ever since you witnessed him literally murdering his uncle, the relationship between the two of you has grown stronger — being practically partners in crime will do that to a friendship — but also more… volatile. The charming fifth-year you met on your first day of school still remains, but you have long since realized that there’s more to him than meets the eye.

On the surface, he’s nothing but affable. Maybe a bit of a rebellious streak, but it’s all in good nature. In the beginning, it was fun being with him. Exciting, even. Then you started following him on the dark path he paved all by himself, and before you could realize that you were in too deep, it had already been too late to turn around. Now, the seventh-year boy standing by your cot seems so different from the one who lives on only in your memories.

“Don’t ignore me.” He means to make the words come out sharp, irritated. It resembles more of a plea than anything, and you shut your eyes, willing him to leave. It must be all in your head, but you swear you can smell the familiar scent of him: cool mint mixed with the light musk of whatever cologne he’s been favoring since the fifth year.

“Sebastian, I’m not feeling very well.” You mumble, hoping it’ll be enough to get him to leave you alone. It’s not a lie. You aren’t feeling great whatsoever. Not even the nurse, bless her heart, can figure out what’s become of you. She gave you a pitying look and an almost amused smile as she explained that — in her words — sexual urges are very normal for girls your age.

If your body wasn’t already overheating, you’re certain your cheeks would have instantly turned hot from sheer embarrassment.

“Well, why wouldn’t you tell me that instead of abandoning me the whole entire day?” Sebastian is many things with different people. With you, he is both guarded and vulnerable. Some days, when you’re not feeling your best, his emotions versus his actions can give you whiplash. He has the audacity to say something like that all the while, he sounds absolutely tortured over the fact that he had to go eight hours without your presence.

As if realizing the harshness of his attitude, he softens his tone as he asks, “Are you feeling any better?”

You had gone to the Great Hall before him because you needed to review your History of Magic notes before the test today. All you had was a bit of pumpkin juice and toast, and all had been well until you started feeling warm underneath your robes and sweater. As the heat began to travel through your body, you found it hard to concentrate on your notes. Not because of the heat, but because of the many thoughts swirling around in your head. Flashes of Sebastian that started innocently enough and quickly morphed into daydreams of him without his uniform. Sebastian with his hair messed up from the way your fingers tugged at the strands as he satiated his thirst with the juices flooding between your legs. Sebastian who would prioritize your pleasure over his and could make you cum multiple times before even thinking about getting his dick wet. Sebastian—

—who you share most of your classes with!

You knew right then and there that something had to be wrong with you. Sure, you’ve thought about him sometimes, but never to that degree. And certainly never at seven in the morning over breakfast and history notes.

That’s how you ended up lying in a cot in the infirmary, trying your hardest to ignore the intrusive thoughts of Sebastian fucking you ‘til you can’t walk anymore.

“No.” You practically moan out the word, and you’re hoping to play it off as just you being a baby about being “sick”.

You don’t expect him to turn your head so that you’re staring up at the ceiling, and you certainly don’t expect him to press the back of his hand against your forehead. His hands are cold, but surprisingly enough, it brings you some sort of relief from the fever that has seemingly overtaken your body. You bite back another moan.

“You’re burning up.” Gone is his attitude. Instead, it’s been replaced by your favorite Sebastian — the kind, caring one. The one that resembles the boy you first met. Sometimes, his care can be suffocating, but when you find yourself craving nothing but him and his touch, you don’t mind his invasion of your personal space at all. “Are there any other side effects? Does your throat hurt? Stomach? Tell me what’s the matter.”

You know how Sebastian must feel when it comes to people he cares about falling ill. His sister has only made him more paranoid about the severity of sickness and curses, and the concern and fear etched upon his face makes your hardened resolve of keeping the sordid details of your affliction to yourself melt away.

“Don’t laugh…” You warn him, but your voice seems so small and maybe even a little scared that his expression turns even more serious.

“Never.”

“I think… I think something happened to me. A charm…” You’re careful to dance around the word curse, lest Sebastian accidentally blows up the whole entire infirmary due to his emotional state. “I just feel very hot. And, um, I think the only relief would be to—”

You can’t even say it. You can barely even explain it since you don’t really know what’s happening either.

“I’mfeelingverysexuallyfrustratedandIhavenomeansofrelief!”

The two of you know that you’re never going to repeat that phrase ever again, and you’re practically near tears after that little confession.

“Oh.” He says, as if this is nothing more than a simple, casual conversation and not the most humiliating situation ever. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Be-because it’s embarrassing!” Has he really no shame? Who would willingly admit that out loud?

“You know, I’ve heard rumors of some sixth-years trying to pull pranks by spiking the juices with love potions. Just really gimmicky concoctions, truly. Nothing too severe. Hmm… You must have a sensitivity to it, though.” Sebastian’s musings do nothing to bring you reassurance. If anything, it just makes you want to hide. If the universe is truly kind, a sinkhole will emerge from nowhere and swallow you whole. Yes, that sounds lovely right now.

Instead, the universe is sick, because what else could explain Sebastian telling you,

“If it’s relief you need, I’d be happy to help.”

Sebastian is many things to you — a dear friend, a confidant, a literal partner in crime — but none of those things involve him having sex with you, even if the offer only came from some odd sense of duty.

And that’s what this is, isn’t it? He probably feels indebted to you since the fifth-year. Maybe even anxious, too. You could expose him at any given moment, and maybe that’s why he’s been so keen on attaching himself to your side ever since. This is a humiliating predicament to be in, and Sebastian doesn’t seem like the type to kiss and tell — considering that you don’t even know the names of girls he’s been with before is evidence.

Besides, you’re only feeling incredibly needy for one person. You can accept his offer, but you’re certainly not going to let him know the truth: that only he is the one who can help you.

“Don’t be embarrassed.” His cool hand is now cupping your face, thumb brushing against your cheekbone in an almost gentle manner. Sweet Sebastian is making an appearance, perhaps to try to put you at ease. You like this Sebastian. “Just let me take care of you.”

When the haze of lust clears from your sex-addled mind, the rush of consequences will burden and crush your very conscience.

Fortunatenly enough, consequences are clearly the last thing on your mind.

It would appear that the only thing you can truly focus on is Sebastian and what his idea of ‘taking care of you’ is.

The Sebastian staring greedily at you is an unfamiliar Sebastian. You’ve become accustomed to the many variations of himself: Angry Sebastian, who says the most vile things out of spite and usually misguided anger; Remorseful Sebastian, who is quick to grovel (he’s quite good at groveling, really) and wants nothing more than to be back in your good graces; Happy Sebastian, although there are variations upon this very variation — the trick to seeing whether he’s pseudo-happy or not is all in his smile (the fake one is eerily perfect, the real one is crooked and a rarity). This Sebastian, though…

Hungry.

The word doesn’t quite explain the dark glint in his eyes or the way his hands are almost reverently stroking your body. Your skin felt so, so hot just a few minutes ago — then again, just a few minutes ago, you still had your school jumper and blouse neatly intact. Now, you’re laid practically bare, prey to Sebastian’s more-than predatory gaze.

If the two of you weren’t such great friends, you might have had enough sense to be scared.

The only articles of clothing left to protect your dignity and shield you from his eyes are your skirt (which is already riding up to expose your thighs due to his wandering hands), your white cotton panties, and the matching bra.

“How do you feel now?” He asks, and you want to tell him you’re still feeling embarrassed, but his hands feel surprisingly nice on your skin, and you can’t help but hunger for more. Perhaps the look in his eyes, the one you couldn’t quite find a proper name for, is the same look you’re giving him.

“More.” You whimper out, not caring if you sound selfish or impatient. This is awful. The two of you should put a stop to… To whatever the hell this is! This is a horribly unbecoming, unsavory situation you are in, and if things progress like how you think they are going to (how you want them to), then you’re both dead once all the adults find out. Professor Weasley would probably force the two of you to be wedded within the next day of her finding out, not to mention that the headmaster would probably have the both of your heads on sticks.

But you don’t tell him to stop because your rational thought is slipping, much like your bra. You’re viewing everything almost as if in a trance, almost as if this is happening to someone else and not you. But it is very much you; it’s your nipples hardening after being exposed to the cool air of the infirmary. It’s your bra that Sebastian tosses to the side. He’s licking his lips, eyeing the expanse of skin that has been revealed to him. In ordinary circumstances, you’re certain you would make all attempts to cover yourself up and try to regain some sense of modesty.

In these circumstances, you practically arch your back and mewl out for more, more, more.

More touching. More skin-to-skin contact. More of Sebastian. You want him. All of him. Every part of him. You want his cock ramming into your cunt, you want his hands wrapped around your throat, his mouth spewing out words of filth right into your ear. Most importantly, even though all you can seemingly focus on is having him ravish you, you can’t help but to be greedy and dare to hunger for more. You want his secrets — all of them. You want to know the nightmares that plague him, and whether he’s full of regrets, just like you. You want to have a claim to his soul, just like how he already has a claim to yours. You want to know that when his heart beats, it is calling out for you.

“I’m going to kiss you now.” He announces, like he’s waiting for you to protest. He’s not directly asking, but the question is still there, as is the warning. Can I kiss you? If you let me, there’s no going back.

“Please.” You whimper, completely and entirely at his mercy.

“Say it.” Sebastian swallows hard, almost as if he’s also nervous and too charged up with desire. His fingers are loosening his tie. He has already shrugged off his robes.

He doesn’t tell you want to say, but you already know what he wants to hear. The words have been resting on the tip of your tongue this whole entire time, anyway.

“I want you to— to kiss me, and more…” You look into his eyes. The lights in the infirmary make them appear a lighter color than usual. “I want more. I want you, Sebastian.”

The moment the last confession slips from your soft lips, Sebastian’s mouth descends upon your own. His body is angled awkwardly, trying not to crush you with his weight, but you can feel the heat emanating from him all the same, even despite the layers of his clothing that separates the two of you.

You think the world stops spinning when his lips slot against yours. He tastes like the pumpkin juice from this morning, sweet and refreshing. There’s a lingering taste of spearmint toothpaste. You want to keep kissing him forever. You want him to kiss you everywhere else. When breathing becomes a necessary thing, he stops. You frown. You didn’t want him to stop. Oxygen is overrated, anyway.

He lays a hand against the pillow you’re resting on, staring down at you, want clearly displayed on his visage; desire is etched onto every facial feature, and his eyes are gazing so intently into yours, you wonder if he’s a Legilimens.

“Promise me you won’t regret this. Swear that you truly do want this.”

He must not be a Legilimens, then. It’s so clear you’ve been in… It feels odd to admit it. Wrong, even. But it’s the truth—

—you’ve been in love with him since the fifth year.

You don’t keep someone’s secrets, their crimes, to yourself when you don’t love them. You let him perform Cruciatus on you, and you forgave him. No — you didn’t. Because you asked him to. There was nothing to forgive. You would endure it, over and over and over again, just for him, only him. And to think, you’re flooding your panties just at some simple fantasies of him, and he has the nerve to believe you don’t want this? Don’t want him?

“I promise. I swear it to you. I want this entirely.” And maybe liquid courage had been slipped into the juice you’ve consumed as well because you find yourself admitting, “I’ve always wanted to do this with you. If it… If it had to be done the first time around, I would always dream of you doing it to me.”

He stops breathing, just for a moment. Gapes at you, even.

“Y-you’re a virgin?”

You wonder if you’ve gone off and ruined the mood. You wonder if you should take it back, say you were just joking, but before you can, his lips are pressing against yours once again. This kiss is even hungrier than the last, and you’re not quite sure how that’s even possible. It’s almost as if he wants to devour you whole.

“Thank you.” He gasps out, so close to you that his breath tickles your nose. “Thank you for entrusting me with this, love. I promise I’ll make it good for you, just as you deserve.”

And suddenly Sebastian is just everywhere. His sweater is discarded on the floor, right next to your bra and his tie. His belt is unclasped; he hasn’t even bothered to remove it entirely, just displaced it enough to where he can unbutton his trousers, and he’s pulling it down — his pants, that is. And the briefs. He hasn’t entirely disposed of everything, just partially. Meticulous Sebastian Sallow who is now so far gone into lust and depravity that he cannot even handle wasting another second by removing himself entirely of his clothes. You have made a man into a beast.

But you see the way he’s eyeing you — all dark hair and sharp teeth. He flips your skirt up, exposing your damp panties to him, and he licks his lips again, and you realize — perhaps too late, or perhaps you’ve known all this time — that Sebastian has always been a bit of a beast. A wolf only coyly imitating domesticity.

“You’re so wet.” He brushes a finger against your cotton-covered folds, and you shiver.

Yes! Your body seems to cry out. More, more, more! Your back arches, keening, craving his touch. You’re soaking through the fabric, making it practically translucent. You’ve never been this wet before in your life. You’ve never wanted his touch more badly than you do now.

“For me.” He mutters, but in the silence of the infirmary, you hear him all too clearly. “Is this all for me, love? Have you been like this all day?”

You nod, not trusting yourself to form coherent sentences. Even if he’s not staring at your head, far too fixated at what’s between your legs, he hums his approval.

“Don’t worry, my love. I’ll make it all better.”

He’s kissing you. He’s got your panties only pulled to one side, and you think he’s muttering apologies against your saliva-coated lips. Something that sounds awfully like sorry, so sorry, but I can’t wait, and I don’t think you can, either. You barely catch a glimpse of his cock before you can feel the sharp heat of his length against your inner thigh. You would have thought that there would be some preparation, especially since this will be your first, but you’re thoroughly soaked. You’re aching for a sensation you have never felt before, but the animal inside of your brain is telling you, instinctually, to seek Sebastian out. That Sebastian will make it all better. That’s what he said he’ll do, and he’s kissing you, and he’s apologizing, and—

—and the world stops spinning.

No. There’s some slight resistance at first, your poor cunt protesting at the intrusion. A second later, and he’s slipping in half of his length with considerably more ease. A few inches more, and his hips are pressed against yours, and oh— Oh, it’s like you’re made for him. There is no resistance. There is no pain. There’s just you and him, and your body is welcoming him home. Where has he been? It seems to ask. Please don’t ever leave again.

“Fuuuuck.” He hisses it out, and his teeth are gritted, and he’s admiring you. His eyes flicker to your face, down to your breasts, down down down right to where the two of you are connected. The word comes out broken, and yet, drawn out. As if he’s struggling to speak.

Then he starts thrusting, and suddenly you realize that the world hasn’t ceased its spinning. No — now it’s moving entirely too fast. It must be off its axis. You feel otherworldly. You feel like this pleasure, this overwhelming, absolutely delicious pleasure, cannot simply exist on earth. It should be impossible. It should be impossible to find comfort and rapture in the way the tip of his cock seemingly kisses your cervix. You expect pain.

You only find mindnumbing, earth shattering pleasure.

You feel stretched beyond your limits. You hear his pants and his groans, and you’re moaning, too. Calling out his name, which is so silly, he’s right there, he’s right there. There, at that special spot, at the spot you’ve never been able to discover on your own. You now know why adults advise so heavily against these type of relations — it’s simply addicting. You don’t think you can stop; you don’t think you want to stop.

“Oh, fuck. Fuck, you’re so good f’me. Such a good girl. My good girl, aren’t you?” He’s rambling. His thrusts are considerably sloppier, and you feel his thumb brush against your clit, and you arch your back some more, practically screaming out his name. The stimulation is too much — it’s not enough — and you will always crave him. “Tell me. Tell me that you’re mine.”

There’s something so, so addicting about his possession. About being treated like his possession.

“Yours. M’yours, Seb. All—” You can’t finish your sentence. The pleasure is becoming too much, and you’re too sensitive, and he’s doing this thing, this absolutely amazing thing, where he rubs circles on your clit in tandem with his harsh thrusts, and you’re cumming. You don’t ever want to come down.

He feels you cum, sees your juices drench his cock as he pulls out, only to push right back in, relishing in the feeling of your contracting walls. He leans down, biting on your neck, and you take a hand to grip his dark hair, still cumming, and now he is, too. Spurts of his cum are flooding into you, painting your walls, successfully staking his unrivaled claim on you. You have been compromised. If anyone were to find the two of you out, you would have no other choice but to take his hand, his ring, his family name, him. You would have to take it all.

Coming down from his high, he has enough kindness left in him to lick at the wound he’s left on your neck. Your eyes are fluttering close, the intensity of it all thoroughly exhausting you. You don’t know the thoughts swirling in his mind. You don’t sense the longing behind him stroking your stomach, wondering if the Felix Felicis — his bottled Liquid Luck he’s spent forever brewing — has done its job. It would surely be very lucky, indeed, if his seed takes this first time around.

Your breathing slows, and he feels your heartbeat even out. You’re exhausted, poor thing. Perhaps he had been too rough.

He’ll apologize, he decides, by doing something that’ll benefit the both of you. He ought to clean you up, get you tucked in, and when you wake, he’ll go down on you. He bets you taste so sweet, so innocent. He had known, of course, that he was your first — that he was always going to be your first. Your only.

He wonders if the effects of the lust potion will still linger in your system even after you wake up. Probably so — he did it brew it quite strongly.

But the adoration, the love, in your eyes is something no amount of skilled potioneering can create. No; your feelings for him are real. You just needed to lower your inhibitions to get to the confessional stage.

And now that you have confessed…

Sebastian Sallow can rest well after confirming what he’s known ever since he first laid eyes on you:

You’re his.

#sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian sallow x you #smut #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow smut #one shot #lemon

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fangsandfeels · 7 months

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I think about protective Astarion a lot:

I strongly support the idea that he is Tav's protector as much as Tav is his. He is more closed about discussing his concerns with others - even on happily concluding the romance, he maintains his coy behavior and rebuffs all attempts at prying. But as always, there is a lot going on under the layers.

- I believe he stops seeing Tav as his protector/meatshield even a bit prior to the confession. He has always been more comfortable with “I’ll watch your back if you watch mine” arrangement, but he only fully embraces it after either Tav takes his side in his argument with Araj or helps him murder the orthon and learn more about his scars. Before that, he still subconsciously relies on Tav for safety to the point of rationalizing the necessity to do what he doesn’t want to do just because Tav told him to.

- His best and usual protective side is that he is always there to catch Tav when they fall. To drag them to safety, help them get up, and keep them going. He is there to talk and hear them out when something is weighing down on them. He drops all this flamboyant flirtatiousness he wears when discussing his relationship with others the very instant Tav needs him. He is calm, firm, and attentive because Tav needs him. Being strong for someone else is a very new feeling for him, but it also comes naturally. He doesn't like seeing his partner in pain, but finding himself as someone's source of strength and support is life-changing for him. He likes to realize that he is capable of caring about someone. That part of him is still alive. Like no other, Astarion knows that sometimes you can’t slay all the monsters and terrors that haunt your loved one, but you can be there for them when they fight their own battles. And that’s what he does. His approach is similar to Karlach’s in that regard: if you can’t walk, I’ll carry you, if you need a hand, you have mine, you you need to talk, my ears are all yours.

- After he stops seeing Tav as a protector, he is much more aware of Tav’s vulnerability. Tav isn’t invincible. Tav gets hurt. Tav can be in danger. It becomes particularly glaring when it’s revealed that they all haven’t turned yet because a rogue illithid holds their lives in its webbed hands. A rogue illithid who was lying about a cure all this time. Who never had any intention of removing the tadpole. Who saw ceremorphosis as something good. The Emperor has almost the same hold on Tav and all of them as Cazador on his spawns. It would have puppeteered them into doing its bidding hadn’t it been spending its energy on resisting the brain. This is why Astarion calls Tav a “mindflayer thrall” during their argument. Because this is what they are as long as their safety depends on the Emperor’s good mood. It’s not their fault, really. But Astarion clearly has been thinking about it and worried about it. He probably wished not to be stuck between a rock and a hard place for once, not having to choose between two evils, to be strong enough to get them both out of it. So, he doesn’t exactly lie or try to manipulate Tav when he says he wants to keep them both safe. He wants it. He hates to be helpless, but what he hates even more is to watch Tav trying to keep their spirits up and looking for a way out of their predicament while thing just invades Tav's dreams or invites itself into their skull whenever it wishes. He hates wondering what will happen if the Emperor stops playing nice one day. Oh, if only he could be stronger.

- In general, it seems that he is most riled up and protective of Tav when there is a particular type of threat. Tav can handle themselves in a fight. They take a beating sometimes, but they bounce back (what can’t be said about the other guy) and if they don’t find a fight, the fight finds them. Astarion knows it and he doesn’t really mind. He loves the thrill: his spawn endings made it clear that the man embraces the chaos of making decisions and choosing paths with a smile. Danger is part of the fun. It makes his heart beat.

- He generally does his best to be strong for Tav, just like they stay strong for him. But there are also moments when Tav is in danger, and Astarion sees red. And I imagine it’s not only when Tav ends up at the death’s door. It’s also when something directly challenges Tav’s autonomy. A crazy drow wants to run experiments on Tav? Absolutely not, what the fuck? Even if Tav agrees, Astarion is still uncomfortable with the thought and doesn't hide it. Had Araj tried to force her experimentation on the unwilling Tav or trick them into participating, she would have been turned into a dagger cushion very quickly. Cazador calls Tav cattle (another lover to follow Astarion and lose everything, even their right to their soul and body, because of him)? The mere thought of it, the association, the hint at him being a failure dragging his lover down with him makes Astarion lose his composure and just go for the jugular. The idea of Tav enduring the same abuse or being forcibly changed terrifies him. When Tav does it to themselves, it hurts already. However, if someone does it to Tav without letting Tav have any say, then Astarion would go absolutely feral. If that someone can be stabbed, they will be stabbed. If they can’t be stabbed, Astarion WILL find a way to stab them and eviscerate them. Then, regardless of whether Tav is alright or not, Astarion will experience an emotional breakdown that he will then refuse to discuss with anyone else. He has come a long way, but certain negative emotions are still too much to handle.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 astarion #astarion #bg3 #astarion x tav

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jennifercheckapologist · 4 months

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You Can Hear It In the Silence

Synopsis: Saying you love your best friend, Ellie for the first time.

Warnings: None! pure fluff; vaguest mention of Joel being dead... blink and you'll miss it; this came to me in a dream (took a nap and couldn't stop thinking about You Are In Love by Taylor Swift)

A/N: I'm writing like two other things rn (first few parts of Bandit Like Me and part 2 to You Should Probably Leave), but I need to write Ellie with a no-pressure love idc.

On Palestine and TLOU2

“I think you’re my best friend.”

They’re the first words she’s said all night, but she brushes her shoulder against yours and you know she means it. It would sting if it hadn’t felt like she was loading a gun as she willed herself to say it. She was gentle, her hands shaking like she was already picturing you figuring her out.

You knock your shoulder against hers, hard enough that she actually looks you in the eye. You feel your smile splitting your face as you stare into her eyes, “Yeah? You’re my best friend too, Els.”

She smiles despite herself and you can’t help but feel like you’ve been playing a game with her, and you’ve finally won- you can feel the credits beginning to roll. It’s not a particularly bright smile though; no, it’s sleepy and gentle. She’s prepared to sink into you, and her head lands on your shoulder when you begin to think she’ll never properly touch you again.

“Ellie,” your voice feels far away and wrong coming out of your mouth, but you know she won’t let you pretend you aren’t carrying something dangerous too.

She doesn’t say anything, but you feel her eyes back on you. When you look down, you see her eyebrows knitted together and her tongue peeking out between her lips, and it’s hard to think of a life where this is as close as you ever get to really having her.

“I think I love you,” you release the trigger, your thumb coming up to brush away the wrinkle between her brow- just in case it’s the last time.

She’s still quiet, thinking, but her hand takes yours and it seems fine. It feels like everything will work out when she’s taking her head off of your shoulder and holding your face in her hands. She’s peering at you with big, serious eyes as if she’ll catch you in a lie if she looks close enough.

She pulls you in to kiss the corner of your mouth, gentler than you expected from her, but her lips are chapped and her hands are calloused, and she’s perfect.

She doesn’t say it back, not tonight, but you feel it.

You know. And she’ll show you; unload it into you every day after when she comes home, planting kisses along your hairline and asking about dinner. She will hammer it in through this made me think of you’s and I wish you could’ve met him’s. You will feel it when she gives you her battered t-shirt before bed and tells you to keep it, and when she searches around for the camera to get a picture of holding JJ.

When you’re sitting on the bathroom counter brushing your teeth together, she will stop to admire you as you swish the mouthwash between your cheeks, and when you spit it out and give her a toothy smile, she won’t be able to help herself. “I love you.”

And when your head tilts like a puppy, she wants to say it again, but she doesn’t want to ruin this. Instead, she will grab you by your cheeks to kiss you like you deserve. She can’t help but give you another on the tip of your nose when you stare up at her wide-eyed and perfect.

“I love you too,” and she won't need to double-check.

Housekeeping: Divider, as always, from @saradika ; I could write a million more fics like this, I am so serious. If you want it, speak now; i also

#ellie williams #the last of us #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams x reader #tlou2 #tlou #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fluff #zavi learns to write♍

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joelswritingmistress · 4 months

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You Scare Me, Professor: Chapter 19

Summary: The reader is taking graduate classes at a local university in the wooded upstate New York. She is drawn to her professor, Dr. Joel Miller, though she is also inherently aware that he has something dark about him that she can't quite put her finger on. As the reader's attraction grows deeper, she has to decide whether to endure the danger or run away as fast as possible.

Pairing: Professor Joel Miller x f!reader

Dr. Miller didn’t open up anymore about his past. It almost felt like he regretted telling me about the incident with his sister by the time we reached his home. We ate together at the kitchen island, but we mostly just sat in silence. The oversized space with a giant elephant in the room made things feel quite the opposite than they had in recent days.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I finally asked when Dr. Miller stared blankly toward the refrigerator.

“Not particularly.” He didn’t look over.

I hesitated before talking again. “If you regret telling me, it’s okay.”

“I don’t.” Dr. Miller finally glanced at me. “I don’t.. It’s just.. I just threw a lot on your plate by telling you that.”

I shook my head. “No, you didn’t. I think you just got a lot off yours - and that’s a good thing.”

He lazily forked the food on his plate again and ate a bite before sliding off the barstool. Dr. Miller rounded the island and opened a small cabinet above the fridge to retrieve a bottle of bourbon. He poured himself a small helping, wasting no time in swigging it down and gritting his teeth from the burn of the warm whiskey.

When he turned to put the glass in the sink, I tiptoed my way toward him and put my arms around him from behind. My eyes closed as I rested my head against his back and I felt his body relax. Dr. Miller let out a deep sigh.

“You’re the good guy,” I reminded him, hoping my words were even a little bit impactful. “Carol is lucky to have you.”

He turned and unlatched from his body and stepped back to look up at him. With ease and unpredictability, Dr. Miller scooped me up off the ground and sat me on the kitchen counter. We were face-to-face now and he stared at me from just a few inches away.

“It doesn’t bother you that I’ve killed someone?” He asked.

I stared back into those eyes. They had transformed from puppy dog to wolf in an instant. It was an odd comparison, I knew that, but it’s all I could think of. When Dr. Miller placed both of his hands on the marble countertop either side of me, I let out a deep exhale that I didn’t realize I had been holding in.

“No.” I shook my head.

“Why?” The one-word question came out just slightly edgy. His eyes squinted and he subconsciously moved an inch closer as he spoke.

“It’s heavy,” I admitted, “Very heavy.” My eyes never left his and I placed a hand on his cheek, contrasting the intensity that radiated from him. It seemed to disarm him just a little. “But, no, it doesn’t bother me. The only thing that bothers me is that you have to live with it. You have to live with a man assaulting your sister, you have to live with defending her and it resulting in some man’s death.” I corrected myself, “Excuse me, some asshole’s death.”

Dr. Miller’s eyes moved back and forth. The book reading. The human lie detector.

“How could I judge you for something like that?” I asked, shaking my head.

When his eyes softened just a bit I was thankful. Dr. Miller looked down and back up. He then leaned in and kissed me. I rested my hands on his face and felt his move to my waist.

He parted from me and then pecked my lips once more. “Thank you.”

I snaked my arms around him and slowly pulled him against me for a hug. We stayed like that for a long moment before he picked me up with ease. Prior to Dr. Miller I had never had a man pick me up. Each time he did that my stomach danced with butterflies.

I sighed and then managed a little smile. “Take me upstairs.” I was hooked on him and both of us were brewing with emotion. I didn't want the moment to go to waste.

Dr. Miller’s hands squeezed my buttocks as I sat in his hands with my legs wrapped around him. “I make the rules,” he reminded me, finally with a playful squint in his eyes and a little smirk tipping the corner of his lips.

“You're right,” I agreed. My eyes were locked with his. “What are you going to do to me?”

Dr. Miller couldn't keep his smile from expanding. “I'm going to take you upstairs.”

I let out a little chuckle and our lips collided again. Finally, the tension broke and we managed to salvage the better half of the evening.

By the time Tuesday night’s class rolled around, things felt as if they were back to normal - as normal as it could be for us. Dr. Miller was back to using his charming delivery to woo the crowd of twenty-somethings. As much as I was truly engaged in the subject matter, I suddenly felt totally removed from the rest of the group; like I didn't belong.

It wasn't a bad feeling. None of my classmates were actual friends of mine, or even acquaintances. Somehow it just felt surreal to walk into that oversized classroom and sit in the crowd as if Dr. Miller meant nothing to me, when in reality I was caught up in this forbidden, whirlwind romance - one where he had just confessed, perhaps, his darkest secret. Perhaps.

For the better half of fifteen minutes I found myself daydreaming as I watched him draw laughs from the crowd, wave his hands with genuine enthusiasm as he spoke and create thought-provoking conversations from his students. When I realized I must’ve looked like a young girl at some boy band concert, I adjusted the way I sat in my chair and cleared my throat.

Class ended with Dr. Miller assigning a short paper that was due by the end of the week. “I’ll begin grading them next Monday,” he explained, “So, you’ll have the rest of this week and the weekend.” When no one commented he put his hands to the sides and said in purposely-cliche fashion, “Class dismissed.”

I smiled to myself when his eyes landed directly on me as I took my time packing up my backpack. At the same time I caught a glimpse of Trevor from my peripheral vision. He watched as I lazily shoved my notebook down into the bowels of my bag and only turned away when I glanced purposefully in his direction.

For the first time I felt a twinge of discomfort. Did Trevor have an inclination that something was going on between Dr. Miller and I; or was he simply jealous that I was getting some of the attention from our professor that he craved? There’s no doubt in my mind that Trevor was the, ‘I’m the smartest guy in the room’ type; a teacher’s pet on steroids.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I looked away from my annoying classmate to glance at the text that had come in. Dr. Miller. I smiled to myself.

Take a left out of the classroom, go out the back door and get in the car, the text read.

I glanced up at him and smiled when he was staring directly at me. With a little nod, he smirked and looked down as he gathered his laptop and things from on top of the desk.

Trevor and I took parallel staircases down to the bottom floor and I didn’t linger like I typically did once the class had emptied out. The last thing I wanted was for him to start putting the pieces together. My eyes briefly met Dr. Miller’s as I passed by.

“Bye Trevor.” I glanced over my shoulder as I crossed out of the classroom, catching my professor’s eye again as I disappeared off to the left.

Before I reached the back door I saw Trevor and two remaining students exit the classroom. He looked around the otherwise empty hallway as if he was searching for something; and then he turned around completely and did a double-take when he noticed me by the back door.

Shit. I should have just gone outside, I thought.

When I waved to him, he quickly turned around with his thumbs tucked beneath the straps of his bag and power walked in the opposite direction. I continued my walk out the back door, being met by a smaller parking lot near a manmade pond in the center of campus. It was desolate and dark and would have freaked me out if the Mercedes headlights weren’t willing me to safety. The logo shimmered in the center of the vehicle, greeting me with a friendly hello.

I took a deep breath, glancing around in all directions and pulled my hood up as I walked the semi-snowy walkway down to Dr. Miller’s car. I guessed he had an automatic starter but I was a bit surprised that it could reach from the classroom. When I opened the passenger door, a warmth overtook the chill that had crept inside my body on the short walk outside.

Out of habit, I closed the door and locked it as I sat waiting in the darkness. One minute went by. Two. Three.

I glanced at my phone every thirty seconds or so and on minute six I almost texted Dr. Miller, though he emerged from the giant steel door in the back of the building. My body relaxed and I watched his dark silhouette slink down the same walkway. I watched him all the way up until the back door behind me clicked open and I turned to face him.

The light inside the vehicle didn’t click on. I could barely make out his features. When the door slammed I swallowed hard.

“Dr. Miller?” I had to confirm that it was actually him, though I was certain it was.

All at once, the four locks clicked shut with a collective snap.

“Come here.” His voice was indistinguishable. I would know that voice anywhere. It left the hairs standing up on the back of my neck.

“Yes, Dr. Miller.” I knew that was what he wanted to hear as I climbed into the back seat. Much to my surprise, and satisfaction, his hard cock was already out of his pants. I only knew this in the dark because he guided my hand into his lap. At the same time he was pulling me onto my knees beside him to kiss me.

“It’s been almost twenty-four hours since I’ve fucked you,” he said in a voice just above a whisper, “That’s too fuckin’ long.”

I kissed him hard, making out with him as he groaned into my mouth as I stroked his length in my palm from bottom to top and back down again.

“I don’t have it in me to wait until we get home,” Dr. Miller choked out as he kissed down my neck before roughly catching my earlobe between his teeth. “It’s torture seeing you sitting there in class knowing I can’t ravage you.”

I moaned when his hands slid down past my waist, yanking down the leggings I had on beneath an oversized sweatshirt. I let my Ugg fall off one foot and freed my left leg from my pants. Dr. Miller pulled me onto his lap, eagerly forcing me down onto his greedy, impatient cock. He didn’t wait for me to create the pace as he had in the past. Dr. Miller thrusted his hips up, slamming into me with a force that made me moan without warning.

“Fuuck.” I whined and gripped the leather seat behind where he sat.

Dr. Miller held my hips firmly in place and completely dominated the pace from beneath me. When another set of headlights entered the lot, I looked over my shoulder and slunk down.

“Someone else is here,” I whispered, as if they could hear me.

He gently used two fingers to turn my head back around to face him. “Ride my dick, honey.”

Fuck. It was like checkmate all over again; although I wasn't losing. I was just submitting. Submitting myself completely and fully to him. The car pulled in a few spaces away from the two of us and we both glanced over, just for a second, when another professor exited the vehicle and began walking up toward the building.

Dr. Miller quickly pulled my face back to his, roughly this time, and we made out hard as I moved on top of him. I could tell he enjoyed the thrill of being so close to getting caught like this. It aroused me, too. “Ughhh…” He broke the kiss to moan and he gripped my bare hips as he cursed and panted, pushing deeper inside of me. I suddenly felt a familiar warmth between my legs and Dr. Miller’s head fell back against the seat.

I looked down, smirking slightly, at how fast he came.

“Oh, fuck, sorry.” He breathed the words out and grinned beneath half-open eyes.

I giggled and touched my forehead to his before pecking his lips. “I love seeing you so worked up.”

“I owe you one.” He pulled me in for a hard closed-mouth kiss.

“Mmm.”

We parted and I hopped off him, leaving a mess between us that coated the front of his dark gray work pants. Dr. Miller tucked himself back into his pants. He reached into the breast pocket of his white, button-down shirt and pulled out a handkerchief.

I glanced down as he wiped my inner thighs and made eye-contact with me for a second before slipping the white cloth into my hand so I could do the rest. Dr. Miller eyed my every move and then took the handkerchief back. He looked me in the eye when he folded it neatly and stuffed it back into his pocket. Why something like that turned me on, I will never know. But it did.

Dr. Miller smirked at my awestruck reaction and he touched my face and let his thumb dance in circles around my cheek. “I’ll take care of you when we get home,” he promised.

“Okay.” My eyes closed when he kissed me again.

“Hop into the front seat.”

I nodded and kissed him again before doing as he instructed. At the same time, Dr. Miller opened the back door and reentered the car through the driver’s side. When he slunk back into the car beside me, his hand found mine. I loved the way he treated me after ravaging my body.

“Are we together?” I suddenly asked. I had to know. We had never clearly created a label. Not that labels were particularly important, but I decided in this case I needed a concrete answer. When Dr. Miller turned toward me, I glanced down at our interlocked hands.

He waited for me to look back at him before responding. “Yes.”

“Exclusively?”

Dr. Miller nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

“I do,” and then added, “Do you?”

He grinned and leaned across to kiss me. “Yes.”

I smiled wide and put my feet on the dashboard as he put the car in drive. Dr. Miller chuckled at my outward elated mannerisms. He brought the back of my hand to his lips and cruised the vehicle out of the small, dark parking lot.

When I glanced out the tinted window, I saw Trevor standing there in the shadows. He hugged a laptop to his chest and adjusted his glasses as if to see better. His presence made me slink down further into the seat. What the fuck was he doing? And more importantly, did he see us?

CLICK HERE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

@untamedheart81 @suttonspuds @cesspitoflove @michilandcof @grogusmum @morallyinept @akah565 @brittmb115 @magpiepills @poodlebae @gobaaby-blog-blog @mermaidgirl30 @mandijo17 @jiminstinypinky

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helianthus-tarot · 11 months

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20 Tarot Interpretations of The Moon

Description, situation or advice

The subconscious. Deep psychological desires, needs, fears, insecurities, projections, triggers, repressed issues

Nightmares and dreams. What you need to address in your waking life can appear in your dreams. Sleep problems, insomnia

Hidden things and secrets. Hidden enemies, hidden factors, hidden motivation, or an implication that there are unknown aspects that are influencing the situation

Thus it can also indicate deception and illusion. The situation is not what it seems, or your understanding of the situation is skewed

Avoidance. Consciously or subconsciously not wanting to address the root cause of the current issue, or not wanting to see what you need to see. In special cases, cognitive dissonance

Confusion, uncertainty, vagueness, blocked intuition. A person may find this difficult to express/tell people and may choose to keep this to themselves

It can also indicate emotional distress; paranoia or trust issues, anxiety, expecting danger from the environment, feeling conflicted

On a positive note it can indicate psychic abilities or the time when your intuition is heightened. It is similar to having your gut feeling telling you to be careful or alert. Just make sure to not mistake fear/insecurity for intuition

Healing or integration of the shadow self; a message to confront and heal the parts of you that have been influencing you negatively (particularly the ones that feed your fear). Spiritual growth

The moon cycle, menstrual cycle

Personality traits

Intuitive and perceptive: an ability to scan for danger and sense what is missing in the picture, they may not be able to put it into words but they can feel it

Psychic: they have psychic abilities and experience psychic phenomena; eg. telepathy, precognition. They may also get messages from dreams and feel connected to the moon

Private: someone who keeps to themselves or keeps parts of themselves hidden. Some of them may do this to protect themselves from danger (i.e self-protective)

Mysterious: someone who has layers to their personality and may appear mysterious and difficult to understand. Enigmatic, or tortured artist vibe

Sensitive: highly sensitive to the subtle changes in energies and can be easily affected by those (eg. getting physically ill by being around people who have negative intentions)

Creative: since they have a lot of things they carry in themselves, instead of communicating those directly they may choose to express themselves through art (poetry, music, visual art, etc)

Deep and empathetic: someone who seeks to understand things deeply, they may be attracted to the shadow aspect of life and people with flaws. They can be brooding

Introspective: someone who has the ability to look within and understand their inner world and unconscious patterns in their life

Truth-seeking: someone who desires truth

Avoidant: instead of truth-seeking, some of them are avoidant and emotionally unavailable to protect themselves (despite having strong emotions)

Extra: some of them won’t feel satisfied until they find the ugly ‘truth’ about a situation. They think that ugliness or negativity is a definite proof that something is real or true, the absence of it feels like a deception to them. So they might tell themselves that a negative thing is real despite it not being real. It’s creating their own enemy as a preparation, this act may be motivated by a need for self-protection or other subconscious things.

Wanting a situation that is clearly positive to be negative is not seeking truth or being real. There are two ways we can lie to ourselves; denying the existence of something that exists, and making up the existence of something that doesn’t exist.

#queue #tarot lessons #tarot tips #tarot asks #tarot community #tarotblr #pick a card #pick a pile #tarot readers #tarot reading #reading tarot #tarot interpretations #the hermit #major arcana #divination #spiritual community #free tarot

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masterchef901 · 9 months

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Some rampant Freckle theorizing (Idk how confirmed this is but we roll it (lackadaisy spoilers))

I was thinking about Freckle and the theory/general idea that he killed or hurt his dad and Rocky took the blame for it, and the more I think about it the more it explains a ton of Freckle's character.

Like, we'd have the obvious and immediate: he follows Rocky and does whatever he asks without question, because Freckle feels like he owes him a debt, one worth killing for. Not to mention, we have some more rationale behind Freckle's habit of trying to fix things when stressed, and his original intentions of becoming a cop, both of which may represent a sort of penance in his mind. Try to make things better to make up for how he made them worse. Get dangerous criminals off the street, to make up for the fact that he feels he is one.

But then we get a bit more in the details of things:

"Remember to always lie" lands a lot heavier in this paradigm, doesn't it?

But the way the other letters are framed right there with him make me think they're a part of the trauma too. That make me think that every single one of these weighs on him, makes him think: "Rocky's struggling out there because of me"

"He's suffering because I lied"

"I'm doing this to him"

"I ruined his life too"

and yet, at the same time,

"If I tell anyone then Rocky suffered for nothing"

And that would absolutely eat at someone. Eat at them enough that a particularly inflammatory letter would leave them curled up and broken in their room marinating amongst years of other accumulated pain.

And bearing this view of his past in mind, I speculate a bit on his defining trait in the present:

The oft-accepted explanation is that he's just a "natural killer", or that these acts of violence are in some way a release of other, possibly unrelated pent-up stress and anxiety. But bear with me a moment, and consider another angle:

You're a murderer. You've spent years lying about it. You threw your cousin under the bus. You lied to your mother. You're a murderer and you can never forget it. You always lie. You have to remember to always lie about being a murderer.

And then you kill someone again.

And this time it's in front of plenty of witnesses, it's to protect someone and most importantly: it isn't a secret to these people.

I posit that in this moment, Calvin "Freckle" McMurray is feeling honest with himself for the first time in years. He has internalized the feeling that he's a murderer, and now he gets to wear that, and be "himself", for what he feels that is, and he doesn't have to hide. He doesn't have to hide that he's a murderer anymore. In the most fucked-up possible way, Freckle is owning who he is. Maybe it's a stretch, but I think what we're seeing is the euphoria of relief, from a particularly twisted confession.

The next time we see him actually shooting again...

There's still some of that derangement, but it also seems to me that Rocky's doing most of the laughing. And maybe it's the involuntary mud-bath he takes after this panel, but...

That mania sure faded quick this time. Even though he's digging for it, trying to find it, the euphoria just isn't coming the way it did just a couple canonical days ago, and I think it's because there's nothing more to get from it.

The killing confession's been given, and there's no more relief to be found in trying to let himself be a killer. Now it's just... more bloodshed.

At this point, we've caught up pretty much completely to our protagonists in the story. From here, we move from the 'bear with me but' kind of speculation to just totally rampant guesswork. But what could this mean for our adorable gunman's future?

Well for starters, I think we'll see his work quality start to take a dip once he realizes he doesn't actually love it.

And for seconds, it means that he's probably not done riding the guilt train either. If anything, he might start working out his confusion, realizing just how fucked everything in his life is. Might even begin to resent Rocky for it.

And perhaps most interestingly in my mind is how this poor kid's emotional state is going to interact with his relationship with Ivy. After all, I feel like the very nature of the relationship is still settling, and we don't really have a clear view of how invested its members are in it. Maybe Ivy's just in it for some fun and Freckle's along for the ride and eventually the ride'll end and that'll be that. But, uh, something about the laws that govern narrative existence makes me think that this will perhaps not be the case.

Because suppose that Freckle starts feeling it more deeply. He might easily see his first true confidant in Ivy - someone who he owes no debt, who he's under no obligation to lie to, and who seems both aware of and okay with his homicidal tendencies. He could really come to lean on her a lot as he develops and navigates his trauma. And this leads to some outcomes:

If Ivy's willing to reciprocate that trust and vulnerability, we get treated to some absolutely delectable hurt-comfort.

If she isn't, she might back off, even sever things entirely as she's not used to dealing with this kind of baggage in a partner. Depending on how in-love Freckle's feeling at this point in this timeline, the sudden pain and isolation on top of his freshly re-opened trauma might be enough to send him into a complete mental break in the worst case.

And either way, and no matter which way anything goes, we get some absolutely killer drama.

#lackadaisy spoilers #theory #lackadaisy #the cats #i cannot stop thinking about the cats #lackadaisy theory #lackadaisy freckle #freckle #character analysis #but that analysis is all predicated on a theory that is unconfirmed #spoilers

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shini--chan · 8 months

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May I request headcanons about Yandere Kaneki please?

Of course, here, have a character sheet. I got a bit carried away, since it has been so long since I wrote somthing for Tokyo Ghoul.

Yandere Character Sheet

Ken Kanaki

Trigger warnings: implied/references murder, humans are eaten, imprisonment, emotional/psychological manipulation, delusional behaviour, references to depression and suicidal ideation

Attributes - What sort of Yandere is he/she?

One of the cornerstones of Ken's yandere tendencies would be his protective urges. Few people aside from him know how dangerous and wicked the world can be. A person doesn't have to be a particularly sadistic ghoul to revel in bloodshed after all. There are so many ways you could hurt yourself.

In the beginning, he would be haunted by scenarios of all the ways harm could befall you. He would wake up from nightmares of you dying and feel his heart clench at the thought of you being wronged. Thought of how you could be harmed drives him half-insane with worry.

After his time with Agoiri Tree, these tendencies would only skyrocket. You are his Elysium, an island in a stormy sea, an oasis in the scorching desert. Do you really think he could let anything happen to you? What had once been an unbearable anxiety, uncomfortable like centipedes crawling under his skin, would morph into outright bloodlust. The harmful element would wind up as a blood splatter on the ground.

Of course, part of these protective urges would be based on how strong you are. If you're just a fragile doll, then Ken would want nothing more than to wrap you up in the finest silk and hide you away forever. If you have your own back bone of steel, then he would be relaxed enough to allow you more leeway and time outside. However, even if you are strong, even more powerful than him, then he would still feel protective over you. After all, even the most talented and effective people have weaknesses and openings, even they sometimes make stupid mistakes.

Aside from that, Ken is sweet and often very considerate. He takes note of your wishes and desires, even taking the effort to remember the little things - a book that you offhandedly mentioned that you wanted to read, how you like your coffee, the route you take to work in the morning. If you do, he doesn't even take physical notes, rather dedicating it all painstakingly to memory. That way, you would take a long time to catch onto the red flags, to how he seems a bit too dedicated, too desperate for it to be healthy.

Yes, he would be desperate and dependent. At night, he tries to tell himself that he would be happy just by watching you from afar, by ensuring your safety while remaining just another face in the crowd. He is too broken to be with you after all. But it is exactly because he is broken that he can't stay away from you. You put him at ease - your mere presence is balm to his fractured psyche and thus he would only grow more dependent on you the longer he would be a ghoul.

There would be days when he would practically be attached to you by the hip, for once ignoring all your protests and trying to drink in your presence as much as possible, as if you are some healing draught. Lie down with him, card your fingers through his hair and sooth over all his rough edges and your wish would be his command (of course, as long as it would be within reason). This is also one of the reasons why it would never be able to let you go - you’re his source of strength, the reason he clings to life instead of falling to his suicidal ideation. In a way, you’re what Rize (the figment of his imagination, that is) is to him and everything that she can’t be - supportive, yet not as harsh and biting, present and not in his head. You are something more than just a representation of one of his facets.

Though, there are still times when he is fractured, when even you aren't able to consolidate the parts of him. Then, he is rash and paranoid and so very restrictive. In some ways, he projects his mental state onto the outside world - when he is particularly fragile and conflicted, then he would see his world as endangered. When he is plagued with doubts, he second guesses your words and reads between the non-existent lines, constantly fearful that you are just putting up an act.

Entwined with that, is the way he flips between delusional and lucid. Thanks to his rather mild temper and selfless nature, he probably will have developed a somewhat normal relationship with you before his yandere tendencies would really emerge. At times he recognises that what he is doing is unhealthy and even toxic and that all the hurtful words you hurtle at him are warranted. Then there are other times when he isn’t sure of his own identity, or how the world really works. As a coping mechanism, he turns to you and ignores any misgiving you have about your relationship.

Kaneki is also very much obsessed with you. At night, he dreams about you and during the day he sees you in his inner eye. You come to mind when he imagines what true beauty is supposed to look like. Whenever his mind dares to wander, it wanders to you. His thoughts revolve around you to the point where he finds it difficult to think clearly, unless he is in a fight or you are close by. And having you in his arms is by far the more preferable option.

Cornering - How would they get you?

Ken doesn’t kidnap you. Not unless he would see that as the only option to keeping you safe. Instead, he tries to approach as he would a friend. With some luck on his side, he is his co-worker or a classmate; that way, it is expected that the two of you interact with each other as it is. Even with his character development over the course of canon, he is still clunky and shy when it comes to you. Well, if things start out as a professional relationship where he is mature and kind and helpful. However, as soon as matters would get more personal, then he would find himself floundering.

Perhaps you find his clumsiness when it comes to his emotions for you adorable, perhaps you first have to warm up to him (which he would manage to his helpfulness and persistence) but in the end, when you are together, he couldn’t be happier. It doesn’t have to be an official relationship either, it can just be you growing closer and closer, you not even being fully cognisant of the extent of your feelings, or of his for that matter.

Either way, Ken Kaneki does his best to wrap you up in a normal relationship before the going gets rough. It isn’t really his intention when the nature of your relationship starts to change; it just happens. There is this constant itch under his skin, these constructs in his mind mocking him that he’ll end up losing you. Thus, he pulls you closer and closer, drawing up all the more rules that you have to follow.

It would start with him being more prying than usual on where you are going and being all the more inquisitive on how your day went. Then it would transition to a tracker in your clothes or one your phone and locked doors at night. And it would end with you only being let out of the house with him as a chaperone or with a person that he particularly trusts.

Expectations - What do they expect of you?

Ken doesn’t have that many expectations of you, since he has a rather wide pallet of people that would check his boxes. Nevertheless, there are a few things that he looks for in a person and a few things that are absolute no-gos for him. One of those things is a strong sense of justice. He wouldn’t be able to bear a person that is psychopathic and sees other people as cattle or ants to be trod upon. After experiencing so much suffering, as well as seeing so much suffering being inflicted upon others, he requires somebody that can look at the world with kind eyes and not want to hurt others out of some sense of twisted glee. If you are an idealist that somehow wants to turn the world into a better place, then he would be all the more interested in you.

Tying into that, you better not be hedonistic. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to indulge in the few joys life has to offer, there is something off putting to him about a person that makes their life revolve around chasing pleasure and drowning in it. There is much more to life than a set of actions or experiences that make your brain release endorphins, and you not acknowledging that would just seem cowardly to him. He wouldn’t have anything against you being naive and sheltered - to him there is a difference to being that and willfully blind, or even sadistic.

Be sweet with him. He doesn’t mind a tsundere, but having to deal with a cynic (even if he is one at times) would just wear him down. At times, he just wants to put his head in your lap and have you card your hands through his hair. Surprise him with preparing coffee for when he gets home, and even if he can’t really eat the cake you bake for him, he would appreciate the sentiment. Aside from that, I can see him falling for somebody working in medicine and if you know that he is a ghoul and maybe go out of your way to smuggle out a bag of blood for him, he would be over the moon.

Besides that, he has a huge competence kink. There is just something about you being very good at something significant that warms him with pride and adoration. If you write, then he wants to read everything that you bring to paper, and lose himself in descriptions of other worlds. Good at singing and/or dancing? He has countless videos and audios on his phone. Should you dance with him, then you’ll have the privilege of seeing his cheeks flush deep red as you guide him through the motions. If you have a particular talent for something else that isn’t tied to entertainment, then he could spend hours listening to you talk about your field of expertise. He doesn’t even have to understand it to be enraptured, your passion and competence is more than enough to entice him.

Faded - Would they let go of you in any way?

You could scream and shout your throat raw at him, he would just nod along and prepare some warm milk with honey for when you’re finished with your tirade. He does his best to act unaffected, though your words are the equivalent of rubbing powdered glass over his skin. If you would continue for long or hit particularly sensitive nerves he would break down and cry. But still he would never let you go, as he would tell you. Because don’t you see, none of this is for him, it is all for you!

So no matter what you do, no matter how much what you say amplifies his self-hatred, he would keep you by his side. That being said, there are still two circumstances where he would let you go.

The first is if he comes to the conclusion that you are safer away from him rather than by his side. This would be due to you being endangered by proxy to him. The last thing he would want would be for you to die in the crossfire in a fight with the CCG or another ghoul faction, or, heavens forbid, be targeted as a means to hurt him.

The second would be him forgetting you. When Ken Kaneki becomes Haise Sasaki, he forgets you, at least when it comes to conscious memory. Though watch out! As soon as he would smell you or see you again, he would find himself drawn to you again.

Punishment - How would they proceed if you do something they disapprove of?

On average, Ken isn't big on punishments. He sees himself as your protector and guardian, and what sort of protector would he be if he can't protect you from himself? Perhaps as the Centipede he would more deliberately punish you. Else, in his mind he only takes measures to protect you, and if they are harsh, then so be it. It is clear that you are too reckless and naive and optimistic so you need a minder that isn't reluctant to make tough choices.

If you are too carefree and prone to venturing around, he'll imprison you in your shared apartment. Hanging out with people he doesn't approve of? Suddenly you are hearing stories of how they are terrible, good for nothing people. He'll lock away all the knives and anything you can hurt yourself with if you try to fight, and baby you if you self-harm. After trying to escape, he'll forbid you from watching TV or reading books, citing that your overactive imagination caused you to do something so foolhardy.

Protest will seem to fall on deaf ears. Sometimes they will but other times they'll be carefully filed away so that he can lose sleep due to them. You are always on his mind, after all, the good as well as the bad.

Reaction - How would they react to you escaping?

Panic, full blown panic. That is what he'll experience at first and the younger he is, the longer the panic attack will last. He'll dash around your shared living space, just hoping his panic is unwarrented and you just hid yourself away in one of your tantrums. His searching becomes more frantic and destructive the longer you remain undiscovered.

Eventually, he'll force himself to make a cup of coffee and sit down. Kaneki will do his best to piece together the various variables: When did you leave? What did you take with you? Which places are you most likely to run to? Are there any people from your past life that you still place a lot of trust in?

He will try his best to put himself in your shoes in order to anticipate your past, current and future choices and thus successfully track you down. Depending on which phase of his life he is currently in, there will be differences.

The shy Ken Kaneki that he is in the beginning of canon handles it like a teenage boy looking for his crush or friend. Checking social media, asking around, quietly loitering around places where he thinks you'll pop up. The Centipede is far more violent and far more desperate to get you in his grasp again, therefore the police and the CCG will find a lot of corpses, courtesy of his quest to find you again. As Haise Sasaki, he has far more resources and is calmer. In that case, he can cook up an excuse to have you very officially hunted down and dragged before him.

The end is always the same - him fussing over you like a mother hen, obsessively checking you for injuries and chiding you. After that incident, he’ll vow to keep a closer eye on you. You’ll be kept on an even shorter leash, with him being far stricter about rules and such in comparison to before your escape attempt. In his eyes, it came to you running away because he was far too lax with rules and vague about his intentions.

Turnabout - Scenario: You have the upper hand? What would be different from their usual MO?

Actually, not much world change, on the surface at least. In some ways, he wouldn’t mind you taking the steering wheel and allowing you to play the dominant partner in the relationship. If anything, being taken care of and having to relinquish control to you would be a new yet not unwelcome experience for him. At first, he would be worried and nagging, wanting to wriggle his way into being the one that takes care of you, the one that makes sacrifices yet he would slowly learn to enjoy taking the back seat. That is, of course, if the two of you would stick to being in a romantic relationship. However, don’t think he’ll allow you to get away. If anything, he might become so used to being taken care of, that he’ll not allow you to get rid of him.

On the other hand, if you become his captor and he your captee, he would have a lot of mixed feelings. In many ways, he would understand your urges to harm him and restrict his movements. After all, he had wronged you and in retrospect, he would realise that he might have been too harsh and condescending. That would make him vow to learn from his mistakes and treat you with more dignity, should he manage to turn the tables again. Because even if you would harm him, he would still continuously forgive you, because you forgive the people that you hold dear, or not?

Vengeance - What would they do in the face of competition?

Ken is insecure as it is and having a rival would only make this worse. Though it wouldn't have the intended effect of making him back off, rather it would make him all the more determined. Though, depending on which stage he is currently in, there are vast differences on how he deals with rivals.

As Ken Kaneki, the original, shy and timid Ken Kaneki, who has just become a ghoul or will soon become one, he’ll be much more shy. There is something all too tragic about the way he pines after you, in the manner a mediaeval knight would have pined after a lady of noble standing, a love that could never be mutual and fulfilled. Though, at times the depth of his passion will even spur him to action! It is surprising to everybody, even him and therefore he has a lot of plausible deniability in the case law enforcement comes knocking. It would sicken him to the core what he does to have you, and all the while he carries the heavy regrets in his heart, but it is all worth it as long as you are safe. Though, that is just when his emotions get the better of him, an absolute last resort. Else, he will try to convince you with shy words and texts in the middle of the night that your current paramour just isn’t compatible with you and that you deserve better.

As The Centipede, he is far more ruthless. After all, he does know what is best for you at the end of the day. So when he determines that the man that is currently in a relationship with you, or is bringing you flowers and chocolates every other day in an attempt to woo you, is bad for you, then the unlucky fellow must go. If he is feeling particularly frustrated and just must get the point over to you, then he waits to kill the offender right in front of you. Of course, that is if he can’t talk to you about his issues with you. Else he expects you to know that his arms are the safest to be it, and for you to reject any advances. It just might be that the one or the other is particularly pesky and persistent and needs to be taken out.

As Haise Sasaki, his plans are more complex. He has a reputation and a hell lot of resources to fall back on. As such, he tries the easy route first and foremost - talking to you. Of course, you might very well not be convinced by his word alone and then he’ll do some digging to drag the skeletons that certain person has in their closet forth. Maybe he’ll get other people to talk to you, to offhandedly mention and discuss the various flaws of his opponent with you. As much as he might want to kill his rival, he can’t make it too obvious. Perhaps that person will then be sandwiched between two warring parties and wind up as collateral damage, or be the victim of a violent crime in a far away city, or are found dead by a suicide hotspot. It takes much to get Haise to take his rival into a back alley or out into the country in order to make short work of them.

In all scenarios he feels a twinge of guilt, but does his best to stamp it out with thoughts about you - your safety, your love, your happiness, you, you, you.

Art is not mine: from Irina Vinnik and other artists

#yandere ken kaneki #yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere character sheet #x reader #yandere

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the-red-thread-that-strangles · 19 days

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Akai is a study in severed connections.

He probably got off to a better start than Rei, by being born into a loving family. But it then hits all the harder that Tsutomu takes that case and disappears. Their mother hardens in an effort to protect what remains of their family, and Akai leaves his family behind to chase a ghost. I wonder which is worse; never having known kindness, or knowing it and having it ripped away from you?

We know barely anything about these next couple of years, aside from the fact that he was alone in the US. Who knows how far back the lone wolf monicker reaches? It’s not like we know anyone he’s been particularly close to until Jodie, and that’s what, several years down the line? I wonder what was up with that, how that relationship came about. It can’t have been that deep, considering how easily he broke up with her for Akemi. Did he ever even love her, or was he seeking physical comfort? Was it the adrenaline in a high-stakes job that brought them together? Who knows.

By contrast, Akemi’s kindness is certainly a draw for Akai. She is vulnerable herself, but keeps acting tough (and isn't that familiar). Kind and soft despite the world she lives in that she gets to him, against his better judgement. She cares for him, and allows him to care for her in return. And then Scotch dies, another potential connection severed, and his cover is blown. He leaves his love behind, returns to the US, and is alone. Again.

By the time canon rolls around, he and Akemi have been separated for what, three years? Akai is supposed to be dependable all the time, and he is, but at the cost of running himself ragged. He’s subsisting on caffeine and nicotine, shit at taking care of himself. He still loves Akemi, and is probably faithful to her. How long has it been since somebody has touched him? Held him? Cared for him? Years, at this point. She asks him to date her for real, and is ripped away from him immediately after. He’s on the other side of the globe, and she’s dead. Another connection, severed.

Things go from bad to worse, and Akai Shuichi dies. Now cut off in all but the slightest thread, he’s officially separated from the people he cares about. They mourn his death, and he can do nothing but watch and stay away to keep them safe.

Even if he wasn’t a special agent in the process of taking down a criminal syndicate, he’s now living a lie as Okiya Subaru, one he can’t involve anyone else in. Okiya is sociable, but the relationships can’t be genuine, and I think that’s worse. Seeing how happy people are with their connections, Masumi trying to reach out to him too, and he can’t. It’s too dangerous. He’s too dangerous. By this point, he’s probably resigned himself to mourning and loneliness.

And then there is Rei. Who is holding onto their bond in desperation, like a lifeline. It should be severed, but Rei keeps it alive through force of will. He has faith that Akai can’t have died that easily. Their connection a thread of guilt that strangles them both. But it also keeps them together. Neither can escape it.

And Akai starts to thrive under Rei’s attention. Because he’s seen, and Rei keeps seeking him out, despite everything. Whatever he gives, Akai gladly takes – whether it be violence or love. His touch burns, either way. Fistfights turn into sparring turn into wound care.

Once they’ve started, they can’t seem to stop touching, finding excuses despite their better judgement. He’s bad at communicating, and Rei is a habitual liar, but their actions speak louder. When everything threatens to fall apart, they’re bound, holding onto each other, holding each other.

Has Akai ever had anyone he could rely on, before? An equal he didn’t need to protect (who in fact objects to it)? Who can take care of themselves? Who won’t die so easily, leaving him alone yet again? In between all this loss and misery, Rei’s unshakable faith and competence provide solace. His care is wild and sometimes violent, but unmistakably there. Akai gives back what he can.

And maybe, just maybe, that connection is strong enough to support the tension. It persists despite all the troubles they’ve gone through. And with time, and a gentle touch, maybe they can remove the thread from each other’s necks. Maybe they can breathe freely, in the end.

#akam #iris writes things #long post #akai shuichi #character study #dcmk #in conclusion: they're touch-starved your honour

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unknownfacelessfanfictions · 9 months

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Romulan Summer

Pairing: Chairman Koval x fem! Reader Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Words: 1.7K Summary: Koval knew that Humans we're fragile, however he was not aware of the extent to it. A/N: I recently fell in love with Romulans. It is summer. Et voilà. I know he's not that known or liked, but I like him.

Koval looked at his wife with a raised eyebrow. She had her hands folded as if in prayer and looked at him from begging eyes.

"Please." Koval massaged the bridge of his nose. "E'lev. Do you think it's a good idea to do this? Can you even remotely imagine the risks involved?"

"It's a trip to the beach. Not to a war zone."

"And you're the wife of the chairman of the Tal Shiar. Even a walk in the park comes with risks."

Sighing, she looked to the side. "Of course. I forgot, forgive me. It's just-" Her gaze out the window seemed almost wistful. "It's summer, it's hot, and I used to just lie on the beach or swim or do something with my friends or family for weeks at a time sometimes. It's been years since I've been able to do it, which is why it sounds a bit ridiculous now, but it almost feels like... like homesickness. Which is silly because my home is here, right?"

She smiled at him, however Koval could see that her smile did not reach her eyes.

"You know what. Just forget I asked." She stepped towards him and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. "Excuse me, darling, please. Cetax let me know earlier that he wanted to try his hand at human cooking today. Again. I may not be a master chef, however, unlike him, I know you don't make spaghetti in the oven." She laughed lightly and then left the room with a light step and scurried down the corridor.

Koval gazed sadly after her and a heaviness spread in his chest that almost took his breath away. Guilt.

She had given up everything to be able to live a life by his side. She had left her home, was hardly able to see her family or friends, and with him as her husband she was exposed to constant danger, which often robbed her of even the last bit of freedom.

In all that time, she had never complained, had accepted every disappointment with a smile, and all that because she loved him.

Koval closed his eyes. What was a little trip to the beach? He was one of the most influential and important people in the Empire. Such a thing really shouldn't be a matter of concern to him.

He owed it to her.

Concerned, Koval paced up and down the corridor, a certain anger at Doctor Onduk.

This was ridiculous, absurd. He was the chairman of the Tal Shiar! He should not be ordered around in his own house!

Instantly, however, his anger fizzled into nothingness and he wiped his face. It had been his own fault that he had been thrown out. Koval should have done nothing but sit still instead of pacing like an animal in a zoo, but he had not been able to pull himself together.

After all, it was his wife who was lying there in their marriage bed, pale and weak, and who had fainted in his arms not even an hour ago.

It was his right to be nervous and upset.

Apparently, however, it had distracted or annoyed Doctor Oduk too much, because he had unceremoniously thrown the chairman out of his own bedroom.

Koval leaned back on the spread towel and watched with a gentle smile as his wife splashed in the waves, squealing with delight. It was an unusual sight, as she was usually quieter and more dignified, but he feasted on the view.

As expected, he had not found it particularly difficult to have a part of a beach near her house cleared for the afternoon. This order might have seemed strange to others, but he didn't care what others thought about him.

What he did care about was the enthusiastic expression on his wife's face as she dug her feet into the sand for the first time in a long time.

In the last four hours she had frolicked as much as Koval had ever seen her do. Although she had mostly been busy swimming in the sea, an activity he was not particularly fond of, she had also returned to him under the sunshade for a short time.

As a Romulan, which, as much as he would like to forget it, he was related to the Vulcans and accordingly highly resistant to the sun, however, he had learned a long time ago that most humans should not stay in the sun for too long, especially in summer, as this could lead to unpleasant consequences.

Cetax had given them drinks and food, Koval had made sure his wife had some regularly, and she had enjoyed aiming grapes at his mouth.

With her aim, she would not even be able to become a cleaner in the Romulan Senate, but Koval had simply let her do it and enjoyed the joyful glint in her eyes.

As Koval emerged from his reverie and looked over at her, a worry furrow began to form on his brow.

His wife came walking towards him, though her walk lacked the vigour of the previous hours and in general she looked more tired.

Koval brushed his worry aside and stood up.

She was probably just exhausted, nothing more. After all, she had hardly rested today.

"Tired out, e'lev?" His words were teasing, yet his tone was gentle as he placed his hands on her arms.

"I'm a little woozy," she mumbled and Koval's worry crease returned at the slurred tone.

"E'lev?" His voice sounded concerned, even to his own ears, yet he could say no more as in that moment her legs gave way beneath her and her eyes twisted before she fell, caught by his arms.

The door opened and instantly Koval's gaze shot up.

Doctor Onduk stepped out and towards him.

"Well?" Koval made an effort to remain calm, though he had to admit, ashamedly, that he did not manage to hide his emotions as well as a Tal Shiar member should.

"She is fine so far. She did suffer a heat stroke, though."

Koval frowned. "A heat stroke?"

" Heat stroke is an occurrence among humanoid species, humans most especially, in which the person is exposed to too much sun and heat, especially in humid environments. Normally, as the body temperature rises, the human body regulates the cooling of the body with sweat.

However, when the humidity is too high, the sweat does not evaporate and makes it much more difficult for the body to cool down.

The rising body temperature can damage the central nervous system in particular, which can then lead to fainting, as we have seen."

Koval swallowed. "Symptoms?"

"Mostly weakness, nausea, headache, thirst and coordination problems. Heatstroke can be quite dangerous once it is not treated immediately by a doctor."

He gave Koval a sharp look. "Your wife is still not perfectly adapted to the Romulan climate and is often unable to assess her abilities and resistance. Take better care of her next time."

Koval's jaw worked sullenly in the face of the Doctor's rebuke, however, he nodded.

"What can I do?"

"Fortunately, because of today's medicine, she doesn't need to go to hospital. However, I have left some medicines which she must take three times a day, morning, noon and evening, one hundred milligrams each. In addition, make sure she doesn't move around too much, it's best to keep her lying down, her legs raised and to drink plenty of fluids. I will check on her again the day after tomorrow."

Koval nodded stiffly. "Khnai'ru rhissiuy Ihhai."

Onduk bowed his head slightly. "Dhaemnasi."

As soon as the doctor had left the house, Koval quietly opened the door and entered their shared bedroom, where the lights had been dimmed. His heart grew a little heavier at the sight.

His wife lay in their bed, a little more central than usual, her feet propped up on pillows and still looking pale, though not as much as before.

For a moment he thought she was asleep, but he quickly noticed that her eyes were half open and looking at him sleepily.

With brisk strides he was at her side, kneeling beside their bed and gingerly taking her hand in his, pressing a gentle kiss to its back.

"E'lev. How are you feeling?"

"Better." Her voice was still a little slurred, however he sensed that she was already feeling much better. She tugged lightly on his hand and after a moment's hesitation he complied with her request and settled down on the bed beside her, where she sleepily leaned her head against his shoulder.

"You scared me to death," he whispered in her ear and pressed another kiss to the back of her hand. "I knew humans were weaker than Romulans, however I was not aware of exactly how fragile you could be."

"Hey," she protested faintly and Koval thought he saw a smile on her lips. "We are not that weak. We can be very tough too."

Despite the circumstances, he chuckled slightly and kissed her forehead gently. "I know, e'lev. I know."

Gingerly, he took her hands in his and looked into her eyes, which made him twist his head a little. "Promise me you'll take better care of yourself next time. I'm an old man. I can only take so many heart attacks." His teasing brought the familiar sparkle he loved back into her eyes.

"Next time? We're going to go again?"

Koval frowned. "Don't you want to?"

"Yes, I do!" She tried to sit up, however Koval pushed her back into the pillow with low murmurs of reassurance. "However, I thought that after today-"

She didn't finish her sentence, but she didn't have to.

Gently, Koval put his hand under her chin and lifted it.

"E'lev. I admit that today did not go as I had hoped. However, I saw how much you enjoyed yourself." He stroked her cheek. "I have rarely seen you so happy. However, I certainly plan to do it more often." The smile on her face was all the reassurance he needed to know his decision had been the right one.

A yawn escaped his wife and gently he kissed her forehead one last time. "Sleep, e'lev. You need to rest."

She snuggled a little closer to him.

"Stay?"

"Of course."

#star trek #star trek x reader #star trek deep space nine #star trek deep space 9 #star trek ds9 #ds9 #chairman koval #koval #koval x reader #chairman koval x reader #fluff #romulans

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frau-kali · 6 months

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On Self Awareness and Cognitive Dissonance

So @jaynovz made this really interesting and excellent post about Silver's crazy decision to go to Charlestown at the end of S2. I thought I'd toss out my two cents as to why he might have done it. And also discuss some related stuff. Buckle up, folks!

So first, let's begin with THE SCENE:

Silver: I've had my fill of adapting lately, doing your bidding, keeping the crew in line for you. Flint: I wasn't the only one who benefited from that. Silver: It certainly seemed that way.

Here Flint refers to Silver's position among the crew, which Flint sees as a benefit to both of them. As we see:

Flint: I need your help. They need your help. Silver: Oh please. Don't try to convince me to do it for the sake of their futures. Flint: For the sake of your own. Those men listen to you, they care about what you think, what you want them to think. Where else in the world is that true? Where else would you wake up in the morning and matter?

I could talk endlessly about this whole scene, particularly about Silver's incredibly amazing lie and how he acts during it and his bitterness toward Flint, but that's beyond the scope of this. Instead I wanna focus on self awareness.

With these few words, Flint basically drags Silver kicking and screaming to self awareness land. He is suddenly exposed to the fact that he actually means something here. And by his reaction, I think it's fair to assume this is one the few times, if not perhaps the first time, he's been in a position like this. Based on his past actions and his desire to remain anonymous (see refusing to show his face during the schedule thing, it’s safer to be anonymous), I think his previous modus operandi has been to position himself behind some powerful figure and work in the background to help them achieve their shared goals of getting lots of money. Said people were also probably not as smart as him so he could easily manipulate them as well. We see him do this with Flint a bunch, too, working in the background to help him. And that's what his position on the Walrus crew starts out as.

But then he becomes the centre of attention. They start to like him, which he didn't even necessarily expect when he started his gossip monger plan, he just wanted them to need him, despite his proclaiming that he’s a hard man not to like. But no, they get attached to him. And he, unbeknownst to himself, becomes attached right back.

Now, it's entirely possible that he's been in similar situations in the past just like this one, but because he is very good at repression and lying to himself, he was able to walk away without any real trouble. Maybe he realized afterwards that he actually liked those people but it didn't matter because he'd already left and he tells himself it’s for the best anyway. Silver is likely carrying around some heavy trauma related to emotional attachments to other people, given how he tells Muldoon that “we’ll take care of you” is the most terrifying part of everything that’s happened after losing his leg. And, considering everything else, that sure is saying something.

But here, he has hitched his wagon to James Flint, a man after his own heart. Flint is a lot like Silver, a brilliant liar and excellent manipulator, able to bend people to his will and look damn good while doing it.

Then he does it to Silver, too. And it's all while Silver is in the middle of pulling off his own master class in lying, some of his best work, by being outraged and angry that the gold he actually stole is gone and trying to extricate himself from Flint and the crew. Except Flint won't let him.

Flint's request for Silver's help doesn't, I don't think, extend merely to the lovely speech Silver gives to swing the vote in his favour, either. During the voyage to Charlestown, Silver continues working to convince the men of the dangers that lie ahead, presumably at Flint's behest. Scott does indicate to Billy that Silver is using his storytelling powers to “help the captain” when Silver is addressing the crew.

So Silver stays because he has come to value his position on the crew. However he doesn't yet realize how attached to them he's actually become. Jay is right, he could’ve easily deserted after the vote, run off to hide somewhere until Flint is gone, but he doesn’t. And he's still lying to himself about why. He thinks “yeah ok, Flint, you won this round. I'll stay and go on the voyage so as not to arouse suspicion from you and everyone else, and I’ll take the scouts along because I don’t trust them not to fuck this up, but I am leaving after that.” The real reason he stays is because he values his position, he actually likes that he matters, but he is still convinced he’s going to leave because he also wants the money. I think he probably would’ve left, too, but he’s trying not to think too hard about the newly exposed self awareness and continuously telling himself he doesn’t need this and he sure as fuck doesn’t actually care about these people, even as he stays. It’s like he’s torn between how he wants to be and how he actually is and he cannot bring himself to go no matter how much he wants to.

That’s also not even going into how, during the voyage, he is exposed to how much power he actually has over the men on the crew when he gives the scout a fucking look and said scout kills their co-conspirator because of it. And then that same scout tells Silver that all the men know he cares about their best interests and Silver is just fucking taken aback by the level of regard these people have for him. This is on display again when they all stand up in his defence after Vane’s men come to grab him.

When Vane’s men attack the ship, Silver could swim to shore with the remaining scout and if they kept their heads down, they'd probably be ok. They could likely swim far enough away to not get caught, especially at night. Silver surely knows this, too.

Instead, he cuts the forestay and saves the crew. And then he refuses to give up a list of names, once again saving the crew. He has, against all his own cognitive dissonance, become attached to them enough that he endures torture and risks death for them. Now, I don’t think that he ever thought that he would lose his leg, I don’t think that he made space in his mind for the possibility of being tortured either, he knew that one of the men had grabbed the keys during the scuffle when they took him away and he thought that he could stall long enough until they broke in and saved him because he’s good at talking his way out of trouble. I also have to say that it is such a nice moment when he says this to Vane’s man: “The question you should be asking yourself is, where are his keys and has he seen them since he took me away from my men?” They are his men now, his brothers, whereas before he always set himself apart from them.

And it's all because Flint made him see that he valued his position enough to stay and go on the journey to Charlestown in the first place. Silver even gives Flint credit for this in 305 - “Such a waste, it seems to me, knowing that it doesn't have to be this way. That the man who talked me into giving a shit about this crew, he could talk those people out there into anything. If he wanted to.”

Or that’s how I read it anyway. The way Silver’s attachment to the Walrus crew is developed over the course of season 2 and the final culmination of him refusing to betray them is one of my favourite things about his story and I have a lot of feelings about it. I could be wrong in my interpretation, of course, but thank you all for coming to my Ted Talk :)

#black sails #john silver #silverflint #black sails meta #i've never written meta before #i just have a lot of feelings about this #and about silver in general #so i wanted to share #i could just be coping with this headcanon to paper over something that doesn't make sense (silver refusing to leave)#but it makes sense to me #who knows tho #shrug emoji

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takendruid · 29 days

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Your curse geto au is really cool!

2 Questions: do mimiko and nanako still die in it? And what would the reunion be like if they meet curse geto by gojo?

Thank you! I’m glad you like it!

To answer the first question; yes, the twins still die. Ultimately, their death had nothing to do with Gojo (technically) nor curse Geto. Kenjaku still inhabits the body of Geto, so they would still ask sukuna for help. While on one hand, this may seem sad as hell that I’m still letting them die, they at least get to be with Geto… once curse Geto is exorcised.

For the second question, I’m not entirely sure. I think they would be in a rollercoaster of emotions from seeing Gojo. But then also finding out that he cursed their father I think would destroy them. Maybe it would also be after Kenjaku has taken Geto’s body? Or there’s also the possibility that Gojo would have wanted to avoid them all together to save them the heartbreak that this man that they loved like a father was now the curse connected to the man they possibly hated the most (at least from gojo’s perspective). Little does he know…

Say they did meet hypothetically? I think they would be angry and very heartbroken… but would also probably understand once Gojo explained that he and Geto used to be “extremely close”, and that he ended up letting his grief get the better of him. He would tell them that he never wanted to curse Geto, despite Geto implying or straight up asking Gojo to do it. Gojo’s not the type to let himself be vulnerable in front of other people, but he understands that these two girls were probably Geto’s adoptive daughters, due to their age and how close they were to him, and that he owes them at least that much. They still wouldn’t be very happy about it still, but would accept that these things can happen because they saw it with their own eyes with Yuta. As well, with the context that Gojo and Geto (from both of their words) were particularly close, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise that they were more than just best friends. (Listen Geto may be able to act and lie, but Gojo is too fruity and too heartbroken for his own good.)

As for how it would happen? Gojo, in the first few months of having curse Geto, would want to avoid a lot of public spaces because of Geto’s aggression towards non-sorcerers. He… hates not going into the city, but it’s the best thing to make sure Geto doesn’t attack anyone. Plus, Japanese cities are extremely crowded. Especially Tokyo. He would not want to risk that until he had Geto until full control. So I imagine they would end up meeting when Gojo could be sniffing around (maybe literally 😭) the places Geto was. Maybe to piece together what was going on in Geto’s mind still after 10 years, or to see how curse Geto reacts and feels about them. That would probably be where he bumps into Nanako and Mimiko. Curse Geto gives off the same “dreadful feeling” that Rika does to sorcerers when Gojo steps into a room or vice versa, so when the twins find him they would probably be quite alarmed and/or scared. Gojo himself would be very panicked because he didn’t expect to see anyone or for anyone to see him. But after Gojo sees them and tries to back away, curse Geto reveals himself. This would surprise Gojo, and startle the twins. Geto would be very fond of the twins, immediately smiling, but Gojo is just panicking over the fact that curse Geto let himself out without Gojo calling upon him IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. But after angry and heartbroken accusations being thrown at Gojo, Gojo finally would get a moment to explain.

Afterwards! Gojo would probably offer to give his number to them to keep in some sort of contact with him, but they would decline. At this point, Kenjaku is about in Geto’s body and they don’t want to put Gojo at risk or in danger just because they got his number. Afterwards, Gojo would probably whizz off straight to Jujutsu Tech BUT Kenjaku would be the one popping his head in to see where the twins were. That is probably how he ended up finding out about curse Geto, because of the residuals that curse Geto left behind (which would be another reason why Gojo was freaking out, because he can control his own residuals but not curse Geto’s). In my comic where Kenjaku meets Curse Geto, he is not “shocked” or “surprised”, instead he is fascinated. I originally didn’t have a reason for him for him to be fascinated instead of shocked but I think this would be a good reason? He already knew about C!Geto from the twins - which, by the way, I think they would have only told him out of fear. Kenjaku is a dangerous individual, and is especially dangerous in the body of Geto. He does not carry any sort of sympathy for these girls and probably would kill them if given reason to, but the girls want to give Geto his body back. With curse Geto existed, they don’t know if that’s entirely possible now but they still want to keep up hope that it is.

Idk maybe I do make this canon. I hope that helps! I did not mean to borderline make a fanfic but here we are lmao

#ask me anything #curse geto au

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chalkrevelations · 5 months

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OK, no, sorry - apparently I can't wait for tomorrow on this bit.

VINDICATED by a shot of a phone screen.

And yet, I'm still seeing people chipping away at Day's agency like it couldn't be him - and his own explicitly stated and demonstrable fear of how people are going to look at him (lit. and fig.) if they know the truth - that's behind his isolation in his room or these cover stories of disappearing to the US or quitting school to focus on badminton. No, it must be his family inflicting this on him and lying about him because they're the ones who are apparently so ashamed?

I honestly don't understand why so many people seem to be jumping to the conclusion that the cover stories are things that Day's family are spreading for their own selfish reasons, rather than something he's insisting on and they're going along with - whether to allow him some autonomy in how he deals with adjusting to his disability, or simply because we've actually seen what a heinous asshole he can be to Night, at least, when he's frustrated about his situation, and who wants to deal with that? When we've seen Mork confront Day in this very episode about how Day is hiding from his friends? Nothing is stopping Day from answering all those various - literally thousands of - social media messages from his friends that we see sitting unanswered on his phone screen. If Day wanted people to know what was actually happening, he'd tell them. Is there actual evidence in the show that I'm missing, that Night and Ramon are the ones making up the cover stories, let alone preventing him from telling anyone the truth?

Night - the guy who was all, "calm yourself, Mother, he's finally agreed to leave the house, perhaps we could encourage this and not ignominiously sack the guy who managed to make it happen;" the guy who has been Mork's defender from Day Negative-One, based on how good Mork is at getting Day out of his shell and regaining his life and his prior self - Night's apparently making the decision to lie to all and sundry to hide what's happened to Day? Why? Why would he want Mork around and taking Day outside where anybody could run into him, then? Not to mention that we've seen the vicious response Night gets from Day when he pushes back on what Day wants, so why would he be telling tales against Day's will, rather than giving in to what Day wants him to tell people? If Day didn't want Night telling the school that he was focusing on badminton, instead of the truth, he is demonstrably capable of ripping Night a new one over it. It's not like Day's not going to find out what Night told his academic advisor, and Night doesn't seem the least bit worried or guilty about Day going to talk to the guy and comparing stories. Until we learn otherwise, I'm operating under the assumption that this is what Day told Night to tell the school. What is Night supposed to do, tell everyone Day's business against Day's will? Wherefore Day's autonomy in that situation?

Night is the one who's looking at Day with hope rather than apprehension whenever Day makes a move to be more independent and move out of his shell - to get the sauce from the cabinets on his own, to leave the house. Yes, my guy was uptight about Day coming into the Shining Institute with him in Ep 1 and yelled about how hard it can be to take care of Day, and I think all of that's perfectly understandable - it's terrifying to suddenly find yourself completely responsible for someone's well-being, particularly someone who will literally put themself in danger to spite you, and he's dealing with a guy who's refused to come out of his room and learn to move around his own house, now wanting to wander around the world with no practice?

Also, wow, god forbid a mom be protective of her baby and have to learn to let go some.

I really feel like there are people determined to impute sinister motives to Day's family when they really are just people who have - like many, many people - never really had to deal with disability in their life and are suddenly having to learn how, all while being shut out by a family member who's going through their own shit and who they're having to carefully calibrate where they think they should fall on allowing him his autonomy, avoiding the way he lashes out at them when he's frustrated and angry, and trying to learn what's actually the best way to help him. I reiterate, they're not doing this perfectly, there's more they could do, but I also don't think they're getting a lot of credit for the fact that they can only do what Day will allow.

#apparently i have taken upon myself the role of night and ramon defender #ANYWAY #when's august showing back up?#because he's the one i actually don't trust #lol #last twilight #last twilight the series

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faithfromanewperspective · 6 months

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warlock genetics

okay so this random post about fish got me thinking about warlock genetics again, particularly someone like tessa and what would happen if two shadowhunter-born warlocks were to breed: like @thevagabondexpress and I have discussed in a post i do not know how to find to link the Punnet Square that would cause the children to turn out to be (3 options, fractions given are the chance of each happening) 1/4 demon, 1/4 whatever james and lucie and mina are and 1/2 whatever their parents are. but that is assuming there is only one gene, which is likely false. it would be like saying if you breed two of a hybrid together you'd get children that are fully one species or the other. that doesn't happen. there are many different chromosomes involved so there is always going to be a mashup of both parent species.

so in order to address this I have to return to the existence of a warlock. with a human parent they are a sterile cross, like when you cross a guinea fowl with a chicken. some sterile crosses have low survival rates: warlocks are not like that. they actually live forever.

so in order for this to happen you either have to have demons with VERY similar genetic material to humans (to make offspring that are healthy and not just some Mixmatch of incongruent genes) OR you have to have them be able to do something to the genetic material of humans in order that one human parent plus Demonic Essence makes a whole, diploid (as in Normal Number of Chromosomes) humanlike being. I propose it is the latter. Why, you ask? Because of what happens when one parent is a shadowhunter: tessa. And her descendants, Jace and Julian and Ty and Livvy and Dru and Tavvy are her great-great-great grandchildren. Also, because the idea of demons going around with Similar Genetic Material to Humans scares the shit out of me. Also, because if they did there would be chimp and monkey and maybe dog and cat and hippo warlocks and that is terrifying.

No, I think that demons mimic all animals, eidolons mimicking humans, and with a Demonic Twist because they lie, they turn the familiar into scary and dangerous and they lie, and the pinnacle of that mimicry is when they create something very similar to sperm (for the sake of simplicity I am not going to discuss when a demon receives human sperm just yet) in order to fertilise an egg and have it grow into a child, with demon features. And if you looked at most warlocks, with their warlock marks and the Eldest Curses having less obvious features for them, you would think that it's just 50/50 human and demon DNA. It might be, I just hate the idea. And Jace and the Blackthorns would be carrying around Demon Genes and having it all breed out normally--no, I think this is why Tessa's existence disproves the most obvious and very uncomfortable theory.

Instead I think demons infuse their essence into a zygote. Perhaps one that has already been formed (meaning Magnus' stepdad's DNA is part of him too, which would explain why he looks more Indonesian than just a quarter but it does seem off canon from what Magnus says, I don't think he's ever studied biology though but i could be wrong). Perhaps they use whatever sperm is floating around from whoever the unsuspecting uterus-haver last had sex with, but again. same thing. same problem. I think demons infuse their essence into a zygote by going in there and putting the atoms that come from their home dimension together in the form of the DNA shapes they see in the egg. they mimic the nationality they see, and many features, except add their own little demonic bits and pieces by coding for New Proteins that make horns and new skin pigments and ideas they got from cats (magnus' eyes) and random decoratey shit like stars for Hypatia's eyes and claws and extra finger joints. demons love to have fun, and I think their little sperm essence carries that part of its parent (of course when the zygote develops it loses it and creates a personality that is fully human, as we see in the warlocks we know and love). this means there is no human sperm donor, only demon. james and lucie have half the dna that has been meddled with/looked at and mimicked by the demon. and because it mimicked it so well, in combination with the added strength of Shadowhunter DNA from Tessa's mother, but also Will and Cordelia and Jesse and heck all the way up to Imogen and Celine and Clary and Emma--they seem like normal Shadowhunters. the faked demon DNA is doing great, and only because Tessa's mother's Shadowhunter Essence was so strong that it was like, okay Demon Essence, you will not make your Extra Proteins to create weird shit that stop us being able to breed with a Human Person. but we will keep the Magical Stuff that allows us to do magic and prevent our telomeres and DNA and proteins from ever breaking down or becoming cancerous so we never age

(I wonder if james and lucie and mina are immune to cancer?)

and these traits will exist in all of the (warlock)'s DNA but only in half of their children's DNA, so the other half of DNA will break down and create proteins and that which lose fucntionality with age like normal causing them to age pretty much normally, a quarter in the grandchildren, an eighth in the great grandchildren and so forth, meaning Magical Infusion quickly becomes so dilute it's indistinguishable from Regular Magical Infusion of Shadowhunterness and the Little Bit of DNA That Doesn't Age also quickly becomes insignificant.

whereas if two people similar to Tessa were to procreate it would be 100% Warlock DNA and thus. More people like them. No ordinary shadowhunters or demon babies. I discard that old theory.

which leads me to, if it's the Weird Proteins that Don't Create Sperm and Egg Cells That Work But Create Cool Features that make most warlocks unable to procreate--if there were two warlocks with the Same Weird Features could they breed? possibly. unlikely I think. first of all I think each demon would do their Weird Proteins differently, and second of all, I think their existence in the DNA makeup is what causes meiosis to not work properly. perhaps an egg cell just ends up being Half A Cell and doesn't differentiate into an egg. perhaps sperm cells get weird features and no longer have the tail thing to swim properly. perhaps this changes every time. so maybe in the rare chance it's possible? and a child is conceived but the combination of the demonic features in proteins is Too Much To Handle and it will always get miscarried, same as that of a shadowhunter who's had their protective spells carrying a child with Demonic Essence

(which also leads me to think that if will and tessa were sex-swapped they would not be able to have children if will had had the protection ceremony but that's another theory. what about cordelia?? maybe she does miscarry a few times or at least have some unsuccessful fertilisations. maybe that's why there's no pregnancy scare in chain of thorns?? but the child/ren she does (??) have are born without magic powers, it's the only combinations of James' genetics that are viable and compatible with a protected shadowhunter's uterus. same goes with lucies daughters in law. maybe marjorie is so bitter bc she was never able to have children. idk)

anyway that's all my theories on warlock genetics so far

#warlocks #tsc #warlock genetics #biology #tessa gray #james herondale #lucie herondale #mina carstairs #will herondale #cordelia carstairs #marjorie blackthorn

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fairykazu · 4 months

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SNOW WALTZ FT. AYAKA contents // friends to lovers, pining, requited love, fairies au (?), implied scaralumi & implied kokotao, plot holes and ice skating masterlist notes // i couldn't finish this one or complete it in the way i wanted to so it's unfortunely unfinished

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although it was hard to explain to your normal friends that you kept in touch with fairies, one particularly being a snow fairy princess. your friends were confused as to why you were still friends with imaginary beings but assumed it was a bit so they went along with it. you asked her if it was alright if you brought along two friends and she agreed as along she can too.

"it might take awhile for her to be human sized. it's actually way easier if we were smaller." you explained while both of your friends and you were in your backyard, sitting on a nook of a weeping willow. the tree has been decked out with fairy decorations or houses.

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you remember the first time you had met ayaka. maybe when you were around fourteen and ayaka was around the same age. ayaka said that she heard she was birthed from a baby's laugh or breath when she was born, saying that your laughter brought her peace.

you thought she was being a little crazy especially when you met her she was very... human sized. "what do you mean? weren't you born from your mother's belly?" you asked, curious.

ayaka seemed to laugh, her silvery hair flowing in the wind, not even getting disheveled. "no? do you?"

"yes?"

"oh! that sounds terrifying." ayaka said, her face twisting in horror trying to imagine how that must had felt. you agreed, "it was. or at least it sounds it does? wait..."

wait, this girl isn't from the neighborhood. she's too... pretty to be in this neighborhood. no offense to anyone living on oceanvines blvd, but you have seen the people who live here and they look average. she looks out of this world. also! you're fourteen you should remember, stranger danger???

"who are you?"

"um, im princess ayaka kamisato. i live in winterbreeze-" you caught onto her lie but you played along. "avenue and i like to play in the snow."

"where is winterbreeze avenue anyway? i havent heard of it."

ayaka's face grew visbly nervous, "um, you'll see it's a new street." the blue eyed girl looked at every other object and animal but you. seeing when the animals in the area scurried to her as if she really was royalty made you question if you were dreaming or not.

you pinched yourself.

you weren't. you heard some weird sparkling sound behind ayaka. "hey, uh, princess?"

"yes?"

"what's that?" you pointed at her back, showing a pair of light blue wings that show up as transparent as ice. ayaka froze on the spot, getting caught. she groaned, leading you on the park's bench. "um, so, i am a princess."

"right."

"and i am a fairy and i come from a place called tevyat." although you did had a suspicion, that she was really out of this world, she sounded crazy. if she was a fairy, it would make sense since she was too pretty to be here. but you were still confused, nevertheless. like why was a fairy like her on earth with you? why here?

"okay, let's say you are a fairy-"

"which i am." ayaka fluttered her wings as you corrected yourself.

"you are a fairy princess who lives in tevyat. why are you here with me as a human sized fairy? if you're okay with telling! if it's like sensitive stuff, it's totally okay with me." you smiled as sweet as you could muster. hoping that you don't look like a total freak.

"i... i wanted to escape from my world. although it is magical and i love it since i grew up there. but there is so much responsibilities i have to take over and care of. i was trained since i was a child to do all this 'princessy things'. it just feels out of place for me."

although you weren't a princess and certainly not a fairy, you understood where she was coming from. "don't worry, i understand. but you should probably go back home because your family is most likely worried about you. if you do want to talk to me, let me know. you're really pretty... looking!"

ayaka's natural rosy face flushed, "thank you so much-"

"name."

"name. i will visit soon, i promise."

"okay!"

eventually, ayaka kept coming back to your house. playing pretend with you, hanging out with you; you spent most of your teen years with ayaka and you were even able to go to the fairy land too. however, as the both of you grew up, you weren't able to hang out as freely as before and without realizing it, the both of you developed feelings for each other.

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"what?" you turned to hu tao, tilting your head.

"what? i know it's a bit... confusing. but she's real."

a blonde laughed,"yeah, right. she's as real as hu tao's crush repiocrating feelings."

"lumine, she said she would think about it." hu tao frowned.

suddenly, a gust of cold breeze danced through the backyard, swirling itself around the willow tree. eventually, it formed a silhouette of a girl with long silver hair that couldve been created by threading ice, a fair complexion dusted by rosy cheeks and the winter breeze. "hi, princess!" you said, waving at ayaka. across from you were hu tao and lumine agape.

"she's real??"

ayaka smiled, "of course, im real! as promised, i also brought my friends." they were right behind ayaka, stepping out to reveal themselves. one was a manifestation of wind, blowing the strands of lumine's hair. he was tall and had a purple-blue hair flowing down. the other was nearly like a mermaid if you had mistaken her wings as a tail, which was weird to think about without the context.

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between the group of fairies and yourself, leaving out of your friends, you all decided it was probably best to transform as little elves or fairies instead of being big ol' humans. "as well as not jeopardy the future of fairies."

"i agree." you said, nodding your head. keeping the conversation very hushed as lumine and hu tao gets progressively more and more curious.

you turned around to hu tao and lumine, "so, we are becoming little elves in the fairy world. im going to hang out with my good friend,"

hu tao raised a brow. she has seen the way ayaka looked at you and it was more than just being "friends". "ayaka and you two can have a tour of the fairy tevyat. ayaka says it's okay and plus, she is the princess so whatever she says goes."

"i don't think a princess of a nation should-"

"shut up, lumine, fairies are real. get with the drill." hu tao interrupted.

#genshin impact x you #gender neutral reader #genshin fluff #astronetwrk #ayaka kamisato genshin impact #ayaka genshin impact #ayaka headcanons #vidia's 23 xmas event

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