#it is a very real possibility that i have adhd

[susielesbianism]

… anyway

[ID: A cropped screenshot of Deltarune’s battle UI, showing Susie’s MAGIC menu. The options shown are S-Action and Rude Buster, the latter of which has been edited to be underlined in deep blue. End ID]

[ID: A cropped screenshot of Deltarune showing only a textbox. In it, Susie’s dialogue portrait appears excited as she says, “Blood Crushers 3? Hell Busters? Invasion of the Cat Petters?” “Hell Busters” is underlined in deep blue. End ID]

[ID: A cropped screenshot of the final Asriel battle in Undertale, showing only the flavor text. It reads: “Asriel readies ‘CHAOS BUSTER.’” “CHAOS BUSTER” is underlined in deep blue. End ID]

yeah

#anyway. chaos buster to me especially sticks out #because. y’all remember elemental pairs right. when Spamton mentioned those during the q&a during the sweepstakes #(edit: I wrote ‘during’ twice. my redundant adhd ass.) #it’s very likely that rude and chaos are elemental pairs and THATS why Susie can wield the devilsknife #(note: elemental pairs are not the same as a character having two elements) #(so Jevil having chaos;chaos as his elements doesn’t rule this possibility out) #real interested in what hell buster would be though. hypothetically #since hell is not an established element. yet #although it does feel very close to chaos in a way. so idk

[ta-bajna-cerna-okybaca]

(whispers in your ear in a fellow ADHD-haver manner) Learn to sew, learn to sew, it's such a good life skill, you'll be able to fix tears and make adorable fandom plushies and turn your textile dreams to reality, do iiiiiiiit, join us~!!!

NO NOT THE ENCOURAGEMENT ANYTHING BUT THE ENCOURAGEMENT

#Such enabling! Such betrayal! and from a fellow adhd haver too! how could you????? /j #For real though right now is somehow both the best and the worst possible time for a new interest #Best bcs I'm currently in between hyperfixations and i can feel the little hooks of fixation in my brain just waiting to dig into something #And worst because I'm not at home for the next few days and can't do anything even if I wanted to #And by the time I return the moment will have probably passed #So we'll see ig #tho the idea of making fandom and other plushies in general is very alluring ngl #Bcs I've wanted a grimmchild plushie for a while now and the only seller I know of is in Canada I think. The shipping prices would be insan #But... If I learn how to do it myself... Hmm... 🤔 #Or those butterflies/moths you shared those are so so cute #So‚ maybe‚ the interest will actually somehow manage to last long enough for me to do anything about it. who knows! We'll see!

[sunkern-plus]

controversial psych critical opinion because few psych critical people agree with me on this but I DO believe BPD describes a real...not necessarily disorder but cluster of symptoms that occur from (usually) attachment trauma that very well deserves to be in the dsm because people with that cluster of symptoms need treatment, but I think generalized anxiety and other disorders where it's basically "youre anxious/depressed/reacting this way for no reason and it's because you have a problem and you're crazy and it's your fault" shouldn't materially exist.

like yes, if you fall under the label of generalized anxiety disorder your suffering is real and valid, but realize that your diagnostic label as it exists is BASICALLY "we think you blow your anxieties over things that might be very real to you out of proportion and also you're hysterical and possibly have munchausen's syndrome"

#basically: if a disorder has an explanation that isnt just 'youre blowing shit out of proportion' its fine #if it has an explanation of 'theres no cause only treatment is meds and youre making problems where there arent any' #i think stuff like that should be thrown out #psych critical #antipsych #disability studies tag #mad studies tag #and yeah this is basically based on my experience of being diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder #going over the symptoms and stuff of it and then realizing 'but my 'generalized anxiety' is me reacting to adhd/possible bpd/ocd stuff' #and then realizing 'hey this is a diagnosis people use to basically tell you you're hysterical and you're making up your very real worries #come to think of it i believe i was diagnosed with generalized anxiety as a child over #1.) actual legitimate realistic fears i blew out of proportion from emotional dysregulation from adhd #(like 'nobody here likes me' literally that was true i had no friends!! the problem wasn't me it was THEM!!) #or 2.) manifestations of my low insight/no insight obsessions #(i.e. the constant fears of the apocalypse was LITERALLY ocd. that was an ocd obsession and i felt i had to 'be good' to prevent it) #(either that or die but people treated me and my suicidal impulses at the time as 'faking it for attention') #(even though my brain and the voices in my head from weird ocd related stuff were telling me 'literally you HAVE to die')

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#i haven't stopped thinking about the possibility of me being autistic since i came to the realization that it might be a thing #like i have aggressive mixed feelings about it most of them are that i'm just stupid and faking things #i'm not happy that i read stuff now that i'm watching a tv show with an autistic character #it makes me feel like a child that's trying to ''be like their blorbo'' #but also it might be an actual thing that would explain other things #but also i have no memory of what my childhood was so i don't know if i'm just stupid now or i've been autistic all my life #(by ''stupid now'' i mean that i'm faking shit now btw NOT that autistic people are stupid) #but then it can all be adhd which is very likely or maybe is both things? #i'm confused and googling shit isn't helping and i'm sort of spiraling!!! #and it's horribly dysphoria inducing to google stuff because i have to google ''autism in women'' #because of biology. hormones and the like as well as the way i was raised... #i'm just confused and i feel guilty and i would LOVE to go to an actual professional who can tell me real information but alas i can't #so i can only google stuff. spiral into madness. and complain on tumblr dot com #i hate this 👌🏻 #i feel like when i was figuring out being trans and everythign was confusing and i felt like such a poser? #at least that one turned out to be ture #this one? not sure #god i hate my brain #angel talks #personal

[reginaofdoctorwho]

having a brain is so goddamn stupid is this who i am is this a hormone issue is this trauma response is this the maybe neurodivergency is this just me being weird is everyone around me just not vibing

#why the fuck don't i like people? #like ace/aro is a very real possibility #but hormone issues run in my family and i have a few signs of it #and like those can cause shit like this #i didn't have ''healthy relationships'' around me growing up and got told everyday anything i did wasn't ''attractive'' #and that like. love isn't real and shit like that #and i think that could fuck a kid up #my first almost-relationship the guy got mad i stopped talking to him made a groupchat of my friends and told them i was cutting #and turned it into a ''i love u though and was worried since u wouldn't talk to me <3'' thing #but it was like. very much a power trip thing i think #i have multiple times been told i ruined other people's relationships because of percieved crushes #almost everyone i know irl w adhd has been like ''zel look me in the eyes are you SURE you don't have SOMETHING going on??'' #and like. i don't have anything diagnosed but i was depressed enough for long enough it might've done something?? #i was so goddamn weird as a kid and still feel so fucking weird but i had the abuse shit going on then too and didn't make friends well #and i didn't turn ''pretty'' until like senior year of high school when i was doing distance learning anyway #or like. is it JUST the people in my area aren't my type? is that a thing?

[depresseddepot]

I'm tired of being scared abt this. I'm 100% certain I have adhd (if you didn't already know) and relatively convinced that I have autism too

#ive known the adhd for a few years now #and ive suspected i was autistic since i was little but i was scared abt what that meant #(and also how that would affect how Normal I Was bc i was soo normal. cant you tell /s) #ive told a few people irl but each time i did i was faced with awful sucking guilt and shame at the possibility that i wasnt autistic #and thus was lying and using the label for attention (which isn't how it works at all but. yknow) #but ive taken the raads-r tests and uh. my scores are very high #which is worrying bc now i have to think of this as a genuine possibility #god i wish i could just get a diagnosis for these things #i feel like such a fucking liar when i tell people these things bc i don't have a 'real' diagnosis to back me up if they don't believe me #bc i have to prepare for the worst bc of COURSE i do #i might delete this later bc im a big baby and will get scared abt it but. #but! fuck! #im so so tired of knowing something this impactful abt myself and feeling like a huge scam whenever i say it out loud ! #also pls don't talk to me abt this bc i don't think i can take that sort of one on one interrogation abt it yet lol i have. so many issues #i just want to clear the water so i can finally rb posts abt autism without feeling like someone is going to physically harm me for 'lying' #bc i don't have a professional diagnosis #OUGH IM GOING TO BED ! I CAN FEEL THE SPIRAL !!!!

[inkskinned]

i love my therapist but i hate being in therapy. 10 minutes before my appointment, i'm in a meeting with my boss - we discuss my artistic choices; my boss recommends i artistically choose less. 10 minutes after therapy, i wash my hair and think about everything that was said, and then i have to switch it off, like a lamp, and go back to work again.

i was on a walk the other day and someone had the perfect combination of his cologne and whatever-else. it was almost exactly his scent. i fucking hate that. after all these years, i remember that? i tell my therapist - i feel like a fucking wolf. try telling a middle-aged blonde lady. oh i scented him on the air. i'm 30, and i'm having a panic attack over something that would be a plotline in the omegaverse.

what they don't tell you about mental illness is that if you are lucky enough to survive it into adulthood; it becomes a weird slice of your life. because you do, eventually, have to build a life. i realized in a panic somewhere around 22 - oh. i don't know what i'm fucking doing, because i always assumed i'd just go ahead and die. i didn't die, and i'm grateful for that, and i'm very happy about that choice. but it does mean that i am an adult in an apartment, living with my conditions side-by-side like. oh, that's my roommate, adhd. ignore the glass, bytheway, that's ocd.

so you pick your stupid life up by the scruff of the neck and you're, like glad for it (so much laughter and light and friends you would have never thought possible, when you were in the worst of it). but it feels so strange to be dancing around these odd little microcosms, these patchwork moments of your symptoms. if you have a panic attack at night, you still need to wake up and walk the dog in the morning. if your depression is making everything boring, well, you don't have any sick days left, and a job's not really supposed to be that exciting anyway. your ocd tears out each individual leg hair, and then, an hour later, you sigh, patch up the bloody bits, and go get dinner with friends. and the life is kitten-quiet, mewling and pathetic, but it's also like - it's yours, so you're fond of it.

and it's like - you're real. so you still enjoy pushing the shopping cart really fast and then riding on the back of it down an empty aisle. and you're not, like, so sick anymore that when you accidentally drop a mug you burst into tears (except for the days you do that. which are bad). and no, you're not allowed around certain items anymore. oops! but you've learned to be good about brushing your teeth most days of the week. and yeah sometimes in the middle of the day you have a little freak-out about how fucking unfair it all is, how fucking hard, how other people can just do this without having to fucking hurt the whole time. and then you sigh and force yourself to sit down and fucking journal about it so you can tell the nice middle-aged blonde woman yeah i had a hard day but i practiced grounding. you still sometimes want to burst out of your own skin, but you force yourself to eat kind-of healthy and to take your vitamins. you let yourself chop off all your hair in the sink in a dramatic poetry of control and relief - and you also have developed good hobbies that help you move your body more frequently. you feel helplessly behind, lost in the shuffle - but you also practice gratitude, taking stock of what you have garnered. because you're trying. even if you're never gonna be normal, you have something... close enough.

and the little kitten of your life, this mangy, starlit tigercub, this thing you expected to rot so young: in your arms, it turns itself over, belly-up. exposing this new soft part, all the organs and guts. like it's saying i trust you now. you won't give me up.

#does this even MAKE SENSE!!!!! #writeblr #btw what im trying to express in that first sentence is EXPLICITLY the feeling of logging off therapy to immediately go back to work #like :) haha!

[anarchywoofwoof]

my dear babies who grew up with undiagnosed adhd who are now medicated adults and still struggling, this ones for you.

let me give you a cute tip ok? ready?

you don't have to do things as fast as possible

ok i know that this is jarring to read, but stay with me. you may be having the realization at this very moment that every single task that you have ever undertaken in your life, your goal was to complete it as quickly as you possibly could. and maybe you're medicated now or maybe you aren't. but this has always been your philosophy.

this is not actually necessary and not how neurotypical people view things like tasks or responsibilities

a real life example of how this information has changed the way that i behave and has had a positive effect on my mental health:

i noticed that when getting ready to take my dog for a walk, my primary goal has always been to get the harness and leash on her and get out the door as quickly as i can. for no reason other than i was lead to believe as a kid that faster = efficient = better. however, there are other factors, such as: i sweat very easily and moving around at a fast pace trying to collect all of the things i need to rush out the door exacerbates this. these combination of factors results in me getting highly irritable and overstimulated.

i later realized that this is the way that i get ready to leave the house no matter what i am doing

now, when i am getting ready to take my dog for a walk, i purposefully do everything at half speed. i gather stuff slower. i move through the house slower. i put the harness on slower. i clip the leash slower. i open the door slower. i make a conscious effort to do everything almost in a way that feels like slow motion to me.

and you know what? applying this behavior to almost every single task or activity that i have to do results in me having a significant magnitude less anxiety than if i am in my usual "do this task as if you are racing against an invisible clock" state of mind.

the old saying "slow down to speed up" is quite poignant when it comes to dealing with neurodivergency, especially adhd. even if you're medicated, you may still be consistently making mistakes because you're probably still moving with a level of urgency that is unwarranted. you're not in a race. it's ok to do things using inefficient methods, especially if it is a benefit to your mental well-being.

#text #adhd #adhd problems #adult adhd #neurodiversity #adhd stuff #neurodivergent #mental health

[sieluritari]

A lot of us with ADHD are familiar with the concept of time blindness, but for anyone who isn't: it's a neurological inability to have a consistent sense of the passage of time. If you put me in an empty room, gave me a button and told me to press it when I think it's been 15 minutes, I might press it after..... idk, anywhere between 3 minutes and 2 hours? And if we repeated it the next day the result would probably be wildly different!

But something I've only seen mentioned in one (1) Reddit post, which took some extensive digging to find, is the same effect extending to ALL things measured in numbers. Distance, weight, length, height, amount, space, volume, percentage... For me, small numbers are a bit easier, I could approximate a centimetre probably, but a metre would be much harder and 10 or 100 would likely miss the mark by a lot. Also, anything that can't be easily measured with a ruler or a measuring tape (like weight or volume) is even harder since I don't encounter reference points (like a 1kg hand weight) for those as frequently as I see visual representations of specific lengths.

It's not dyscalculia or anything like that, I'm decent at math (and the OP of the Reddit post was a math major) and I have no other difficulties with numbers, it's just a disconnect in translating real life experiences like sensory input into numbers (and possibly also inconsistent processing of sensory input? Like how the same sound volume is okay one day but hurts my ears the next?), which I think is basically the same thing as what happens with time blindness. For now I've been calling it "measurement blindness" since I've never seen a name for it anywhere, but maybe "quantity blindness" could also work?

I've talked to other people with time blindness to see if they experience this too, but so far none of them have known what I'm talking about. I'd really like to know how many of us are out there and if anyone knows literally anything actually scientific about this very inconvenient phenomenon!

Tl;dr: bc I am wordy:

It's like time blindness but for all things measured in numbers

Not dyscalculia or caused by it

Pretty much never seen it talked about anywhere

Please tell me if it sounds familiar and/or you know something about it, thank

#adhd #time blindness #let me tell you it gets real fucking awkward every time someone asks for my estimate on anything numbers based #like 'hey kuura how far would you say the store is? like a km maybe one and a half?' #and i'm like buddy you'd get a better answer from a toddler than me #and even if i took a precisely 1km walk every day #it would feel like a different distance every fucking time #especially if the route was always different #nd things

[uyuuma]

“ YOU DON'T HAVE TO PRETEND ”

jjk!men x fem!reader ღ MDNI.

❥ summary. jjk men's reaction to you faking your orgasm. because real men make sure that you finish first (among numerous times) .

❥ warnings. nsfw, female anatomy, cunnilingus, fingering, toy use, use of pet names, biting, orgasm denial, choking, mentions of overstim, etc.

❥ a/n. writing some shorter form stories for the ADHD girlies (aka me) also writing this for the girlies who struggle to finish from someone else's hands (aka me again)

❥ wc. 3.4k

──★ 𝚂𝙰𝚃𝙾𝚁𝚄 𝙶𝙾𝙹𝙾

Gojo looked at you with a puzzled expression as you panted heavily. His confused expression turned into a slight grin as he pulled his sopping wet fingers out of your cunt.

"Princess, you don't have to lie to me." He cooed, moving his other hand to cup your cheek softly.

He climbed on top of you, caging you against the bed. His silky white hair falling over his eyes as he scanned your gorgeous body.

"I'll always make sure you cum first." Gojo soothed, wiping some of the sweat off of your forehead. "There's no need to rush, I want you to enjoy every second of this."

"H-how'd you know that I-"

"I can always tell." Gojo blurted before you could finish your sentence. "I'm not sure how many men had let you down before me, but you can stop putting up an act with me." Gojo assured with a slight chuckle.

Your face heats up, seeing his bright blue eyes peer into your soul as he waits quietly.

"Okay?" He asked, his eyes unwavering from yours.

"Okay." You murmured, pussy still aching from his touch.

"Good girl." He smiled, kissing you on the forehead. He then sent his hand to glide against your soft stomach, down to your twitching pelvis.

"Let's try this again, this time no pretending." Gojo said teasingly, fingers already parting your slick folds.

You gave a slight nod at his words but quickly gasped after feeling his slender fingers enter you once more. He buries his middle and ring finger to the knuckle and curls them ever so slightly, making sure to massage you tight walls.

Your eager hips buck against his wrist, wanting that ever-elusive orgasm that men had failed to get you to reach before. You realized that Gojo was very different from your past partners, he actually took his time to find every spot that made you twitch and spasm uncontrollably. The places inside you that made you whimper and cry out his name. He truly understood your body and its needs and was willing to give himself an arm workout if it meant you cumming all over his fingers.

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head from him moving his free hand to rub circles around your sensitive clit. His fingers pumped in and out of your soaking pussy rapidly, helping you build up that wonderful pressure in your core. His thumb swirled atop your bud causing you to instinctively rock your hips to the rhythm. This, combined with the dizzying pace of his fingers stroking your sweet spot, made you reach your limit.

You arched your spine suddenly, violently shaking as you threw your head back. It felt as if the weight of the world was lifted off your shoulders as waves of your orgasm came crashing down.

"C-cumming!" You sobbed out, this time really meaning it. Your knees buckled and your hands latched onto the sheets, your knuckles turning white from the sheer power of your grip.

Gojo watched as you became completely undone by his hands and grinned in satisfaction. He continued to thrust his fingers in and out, letting you ride out your high as long as possible.

"Good girl." He preened. "See, I knew you were a vocal one." He said in a sly tone.

"Now, how about my turn?" Gojo asked as he slid his underwear down, revealing a fluffy patch of white from below his belt.

──★ 𝚂𝚄𝙶𝚄𝚁𝚄 𝙶𝙴𝚃𝙾

Geto raised his brow in suspicion as you twitched and whined against his tongue. Your rapid breathing and shaky voice tried to make it seem like you came, but it was not fooling Geto.

"Are we acting all of the sudden?" Geto scoffed as you softly let go of his hair. He looked up at you from between your legs. His eyes narrowed when your gaze met his.

"W-what are you talking about?" You muttered, propping yourself up against the pillow.

"Well with how over-the-top your acting was it felt like I was in a porno." Geto jokes, his hands still holding onto the plush of your thighs.

Ooh, busted.

"Sorry Sugu, I just didn't want to make you wait forever." You confessed shamefully, your eyes looking away from him.

"I'd wait however long it took for you to cum all over my tongue, sweetheart." Geto comforted you, his hand reaching to brush against your flushed cheeks.

"Your pleasure is just as important as mine, never forget that baby." Geto's voice sounded like honey as he gave you a reassuring smile.

"Are you sure? It takes me a while to cum..." You asked with a slight pout. You weren't sure if he could actually eat you out for that long without getting sick of waiting.

"Well, if you focused more on your orgasm instead of worrying about me, you'd probably feel a lot better." Geto scolded you with a somewhat annoyed expression on his face.

"Okay, okay. I'll focus on myself this time." You surrendered, feeling the cold air blow against your exposed cunt. The saliva that he had previously left on you made you shiver.

"Good, now lay down and relax." Geto instructed, parting your legs so that he could continue where he left off.

Geto took a second to admire your cute little pussy before he sunk his slick tongue back into your warmth. The way you tasted made his body tingle, he couldn't help but get messy when it came to eating you out.

He used both of his thumbs to spread your cunt, giving him access to your hole, stuffing his tongue as deep as it could go. His tongue expertly thrusted into you, making you arch your back from the sensation. You could feel his hot breath against your clit as he tongue-fucked you for all you were worth.

You had no idea someone could be this skilled with just their tongue, but here you were. You could no longer control your bottom half as you writhed in absolute bliss. Your thighs definitely would've clenched around his head if his grip on you wasn't so strong.

Your eyes fluttered as you bit your lip, the sensation of your orgasm starting to build up. Your thoughts were no longer filled with worries, all you could think about now was how sweet that release was going to feel.

"Mmh, fuck..." You slurred out, your legs quivering from the immense pleasure. You swore you could pass out from how amazing he was making you feel.

He started to thumb your clit carefully, being tactful to find the perfect rhythm for you. When he heard your pants and whines become louder, he knew to continue with his unrelenting pace.

He groaned against your cunt, absolutely obsessed with the way you tasted and sounded. He wanted more of it, he needed more of it.

His tongue plunged sloppily into your hole, his drool running down your thighs and cunt, collecting onto the sheets.

He felt no shame devouring you, in fact it turned him on more that you were making a complete mess of his face. He almost forgot that the whole point was to make you cum, he was just having fun at this moment.

However, your abrupt squeal and the iron grip you had on his hair brought him back to reality. He looked up at you through half-lidded eyes and saw your face contorting in ecstasy. The way your mouth hung open as a silent scream was caught in your throat, it made him smile. This was a real orgasm, you didn't need to say anything to convince him that.

Your body tensed as you came down from your high and then went limp in an instant. Your dazed expression made Geto grin, he was so proud of you for finishing.

Geto wiped the slick from his mouth and got up to crawl over you. "Good job, baby." He praised while hovering over you.

"Since you're already nice and prepped, let's take care of this." Geto said, referring to his painfully hard erection. You looked down to see that he was ready for round two, precum already dripping onto your thigh.

──★ 𝙲𝙷𝙾𝚂𝙾 𝙺𝙰𝙼𝙾

Something didn't seem right about how you shuddered under his touch. He could sense a bit of apprehension in your body movements. Your mouth may have told him you came, but your body betrayed that sentiment.

"I want to make you actually cum." Choso remarked disappointingly. His fingers were skilled and he did make you feel wonderful, but you were really tense and he needed to figure out how to get you to relax more.

"What do you mean, Cho?" You asked sheepishly, your eyes giving away the truth to him.

"Babe, I know you didn't really cum. Your body is as stiff as a board." Choso observed how you looked away in guilt as he said that.

"Yeah, I'm just feeling a little nervous. But, I wanted you to know that I'm still enjoying it either way." You admitted finally. You picked at your nails unknowingly, trying to find a way to break the tension.

"It's okay baby, we can take this at your own pace." Choso responded sweetly, he reached up to pet your head. He gave you a kiss on the forehead and comforted you a little more.

His caresses and soft lips help you control your breathing a little more. You took a deep breath to release the nervousness within your body.

"Tell me, how do you normally get yourself to cum?" Choso questioned politely. His eyes lovingly scanned your expression to see if your demeanor has changed.

"Normally, I use my vibrator." You responded meekly, you could feel your face heat up from the confession of using a toy.

"Can you show me?" Choso insisted, his tired eyes gazed into yours.

"Okay." You agreed, turning over to dig through your nightstand. You found your bullet vibrator and held the button down to power it on. It buzzed quietly on the lowest setting, Choso's eyes following it as you moved.

You moved it so that it could pulse against your clit. The way you jolted from the sudden stimulation made Choso watch intensely. He was enamored with the way your body reacted to such a small toy.

Choso then slid his fingers against yours while you held the vibrator steady against your clit. He wrapped his fingers around it, indicating he wanted to hold it for you.

You let go and instinctively cover your mouth with that same hand. Seeing his eyes hungrily watch your trembling body made you feel so vulnerable. But it felt so good this time, not as nerve wracking as before. Perhaps it was because the vibrator made you loosen up.

Choso turned up the toy to the next level, the buzzing becoming slightly louder. You whimpered in response to this and it made him smile in success.

You could feel heat build in your core, a familiar and very welcomed sensation that made your thoughts fade to nothing. All that was on your mind now was the handsome man between your legs.

Your eyes closed as you focused on the intoxicating high you were on. This was short lived however, since the lewd feeling of his tongue dragging against your thigh made your eyes widen. You gasped, looking down at Choso.

Choso lovingly kissed and licked your right thigh, his arm wrapped around it as your calf dangled behind his shoulder. His right hand steadily pushed the toy against your throbbing clit, applying a pressure so heavenly you swore you started to see clouds.

Your whines and desperate moans were like music to his ears, it made Choso turn up the toy once more.

You shuddered, feeling the vibrations start to reverberate in your spine. It was enough to make your jaw go slack, your breathing much more audible.

Choso nipped at your flesh, making you squeak from the sudden shock. You looked down to see a little hickey left on your inner thigh. It was so fucking hot that you babbled out to Choso, begging him to continue.

He heard you loud and clear, this time sinking his teeth fully into your skin. This bite felt less sharp, but it covered much more space than the first nip. It made you mewl so beautifully, he was becoming drunk off of your moans.

He continued to bite and suck at your supple flesh, leaving bruises and bitemarks along your inner thighs. The twinge of pain mixed with the pleasure from the vibrator made your babbling much more incoherent.

You could feel your orgasm reach the edge, you bit down onto your fist to stop yourself from screaming out Choso's name for the entire neighborhood to hear.

"Gonna cum!" You choked out while biting onto your fingers. Your body convulsed under the immense stimulation, your final squirms made Choso bite down hard. Your head tilted back as you rode your high, you could feel each bite and bruise throb while you cried out his name.

Choso planted a few soft kisses against the teeth marks he left on your plush thigh. He clicked the vibrator off and placed it back on your nightstand.

He admired the work that he had done and how your pussy glistened from all of the slick that you produced. You felt him rest his cock against your sore thigh.

Clearly, he wasn't done yet.

──★ 𝚃𝙾𝙹𝙸 𝙵𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙶𝚄𝚁𝙾

Toji looked at you with an unamused expression as you tried to convince him of your 'very real' orgasm. His eyes looked at you scathingly, like he was done with your shit.

"I was kind enough to getcha all prepped n' shit just for you to go and fake your orgasm?" Toji seethed while giving you a searing glare.

"Ungrateful slut." He smirked, grabbing your jaw with a vice grip. His fingers dug into your cheeks, making your face become sore.

"Mmmshorryy Toji..." You cried out in a panic. You knew better than to try and fool Toji, you were really in for it now.

"So ya think I'm stupid or somethin'? Huh, is that it?" He sneered, your eyes fixated on the scar across his lips. You could see in how the corners of his mouth moved to show his teeth, that he wasn't playing any games with you right now.

"Ffforgib me Toji." You begged out, your cheeks still smushed tight while in his grip.

"I'll think about it. After I punish you for being so greedy." Toji said maliciously, his gritted teeth turning into a wide grin. That grin never meant anything good, for you anyway.

"Since you don't wanna cum so bad... get on top of me." Toji ordered, flipping your positions so that he was laying on his back, sitting up on the pillows, you awkwardly hovering over him.

He hooked his large finger into the waistband of his sweats and in one swift motion slid his pants and underwear down far enough to let his cock free.

His cock was heavy, but still bounced a bit from being constrained. He gave it a few pumps with his own fist and then let it rest against his stomach.

He moved his arms behind his head, letting his elbows point outwards as he rested his arms against the headboard.

"Grind against it." He commanded, watching you hover over his cock with a dumbfounded expression.

You swallowed the saliva stuck in your throat and lowered your cunt so that it rested on Toji's cock. You could feel his cock throb against your clit and it made you whine pathetically.

"Fuck, I can feel you pulse against me. Dirty bitch." Toji groaned as he felt your pussy coat him in your slutty juices. He moved his arm from behind his head to grip onto your waist. His motions were languid and slow, showing how little work he was going to put into this.

"Thought I told you to move." He commented in an irritated tone. He bucked his hips up to get you to wake the fuck up.

You propped yourself up onto your hands and knees on top of him, your hands holding you up against his chiseled abs. You dragged your hips up and down, his thick cock sliding against your slit. Your clit was stimulated from the grinding and it made you shudder in pleasure.

He grunted, watching how your little pussy struggled to just grind against his girth. He could feel himself grow impatient, he wanted to just stuff you full with his cock right now. But that would be letting you win, so he dealt with the urge.

You began to roll your hips, eyes fluttering as you became lost in that tight feeling growing in your stomach. God... it was so close, you could practically feel your release as if it was on the tip of your tongue. Your breathing became rigid as you sunk against Toji.

You gripped onto his shoulders now, eyes darting into the back of your head, your lewd mouth agape as you came close to euphoria. He loved watching you become desperate, rutting against him like a damn puppy in heat.

"God...Toji m'gonna-"

"Nope. You don't get to cum anymore." Toji denied, his face had a sinister expression. He gripped onto your waist, forcefully slowing down your hips.

You let out such a pitiful whine, it almost made him laugh.

"Whine all you want baby, but we're gonna do this till you learned your lesson." Toji assured you.

"Now, beg for me to let you cum." He snickered.

──★ 𝚁𝚈𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙽 𝚂𝚄𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙰

"The fuck was that?" Sukuna barked, not buying into your theatrics for one second.

"Suku, is something the matter?" You stuttered, your heart dropping to your stomach from the shift in his voice alone.

"Do you take me for a fucking fool?" He chided, his hand gripped onto your oversized t-shirt, pulling you up so that your faces could get up and personal.

"Suku... No I-"

"Shut up woman, spare me your pathetic excuses." Sukuna released his grip on your shirt, causing you to fall back onto the bed.

You could feel your breath become caught in your throat, knowing he wasn't letting this transgression slide.

"Did you really think of me as one of your miserable, inadequate partners from before?" Sukuna sneered, obviously offended by the very insinuation.

"I could get you to cum 100 times before anyone could even manage once." He boasted, his brows furrowed into a scowl. How dare you underestimate the King of Curses like that.

You knew better than to interrupt him when he was irritated. So you kept your lips sealed, only nodding or shaking your head in response to his bellowing.

"In fact, that's a great idea isn't it?" Sukuna asked in a husky tone. His scowl turned into an evil smirk as a plan hatched in his head.

"Why don't we make you cum so many times that you pass out? Maybe then you'd understand how easily your body crumbles under my touch." Sukuna spoke aloud. Though it seemed as if he was speaking to you, it was more like him vocalizing his inner thoughts. You knew you had no real say in the matter.

It wasn't long until he was stuffing your pussy full of his giant fingers. Just two was enough to stretch you out, your walls being massaged in short and quick bursts. He pumped his fingers at an almost inhuman pace, you lost count of how many times you came by now.

Your legs couldn't keep up with his thrusts, they just dangled uselessly off of the sides of the bed. You lost count of time, you weren't sure if it had been ten minutes or three hours at this point.

All you knew was that the grip Sukuna kept on your throat as he fucked you stupid made you become lightheaded.

He squeezed your throat just enough to make you choke on your sobs and pleas for him to slow down, but not hard enough to make you pass out. No, that was too good for you, you deserved to keep cumming until you physically couldn't anymore.

Your voice became hoarse, raspy whines being let out each time you inevitably orgasmed again and again.

"Aren't I so generous? My little whore disobeyed me and yet I still rewarded her precious body with my touch." Sukuna gloated, watching your hazy eyes and shallow breathing in satisfaction.

"So...generous." You sputtered, words barely coherent at all.

Although his methods may be relentless, Sukuna was very generous. He gave you more than anyone else had ever before.

#jjk #jjk smut #jjk x fem!reader #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #choso kamo #choso smut #choso x reader #female reader #gojo smut #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #geto suguru #geto x reader #geto smut #toji smut #toji x reader #toji fushiguro #sukuna x reader #sukuna ryomen #sukuna smut #sukuna ryomen x reader

[clove-pinks]

A series of 8 tweets on the experience of being autistic and ADHD (AuDHD) by @pot8um on twitter, image descriptions below cut.

I saved these shortly after being dx + medicated with ADHD last year. It was the first time I began to seriously consider the possibility that I was also autistic. 1/8

AuDHD is a constant tug-of-war— contradictions that exist simultaneously that I feel equally strongly about.

[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title “What ADHD & autism feel like…” L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: “Making spontaneous plans”, R text: “Getting very upset if those plans are interrupted” 2nd row, L text: “Struggling to organize”, R text: “Having a strong need for order”. By @autistic.qualia]

Each of these are so familiar to me, but I could never articulate my experiences with the right language. Also, if you don’t know what you’re experiencing is AuDHD, you don’t know what questions to ask. You didn’t know you were even supposed to *have* questions! 2/8

[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title “What ADHD & autism feel like…” L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: “Impulsively making purchases for a new hyperfixation”, R text: “Hyperfocus on researching the products” 2nd row, L text: “Struggling to be on time”, R text: “Upset when others are a few minutes late”. by @autistic.qualia]

I have phases of hyperfixation with certain things, and lifelong interest in others. Successfully executed plans / tasks is always my goal. (The perfectionism is too real.) I always get frustrated when I inevitably miss steps, regardless of my attention to detail. 3/8

[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title “What ADHD & autism feel like…” L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: “Hyperfixating on a wide variety of topics”, R text: “Also having long term special interests” 2nd row, L text: “Forgetting steps in plans”, R text: “Needing plans to execute perfectly”. by @autistic.qualia]

I *love* trying new foods… until it’s a bad experience, then I clam up and am reluctant to try again. When it comes to food, consistency is vital to me. My brain is far more active than I have spoons for. Most of my ideas strike when I’m freshly overloaded and spoonless. 4/8

[image description: Two-column text inside orange arrows on left, and blue arrows on right. Title “What ADHD & autism feel like…” L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: “Enticed by novel foods”, R text: “Hypercritical of food taste and texture” 2nd row, L text: “Wanting new experiences”, R text: “Wanting to stick to what I know I like”. by @autistic.qualia]

I tend to hyperfixate on things that aren’t central to the task at hand. (I don’t want to say “on the ‘wrong’ thing” because I’m on my self-compassion shit ) Discovering my neurodivergence during the pandemic was surreal. Severe boredom, severe overload, severe whiplash. 5/8

[image description: Two-column text inside arrows. Title “What ADHD & autism feel like…” L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, orange arrow, L text: “Misses details and makes mistakes on boring topics”, blue arrow, R text: “Notices small details and points out others’ mistakes”. 2nd row, purple arrow, L text: “Becoming easily understimulated”; Yellow arrow, R text: “Becoming easily overstimulated”. by @autistic.qualia]

Overthinking the stages of your emotional dysregulation is its own personal hell. When I’m lowest on spoons, I tend to ruminate the most. My thirst for knowledge is met by my shoddy working memory. I try recalling a fact that *I know* I read up on. Can’t. Frustration ensues. 6/8

[image description: Two-column text inside arrows. Title “What ADHD & autism feel like…” L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, purple arrow, L text: “Struggling from emotional dysregulation”. Blue arrow, R text: “Being a logical and analytical thinker”. 2nd row, orange arrow, L text: “Struggling to retain information”; Yellow arrow, R text: “Wanting to learn everything”. by @autistic.qualia]

It’s hard for me to Start the Thing. Once I start, I NEED to ride that wave! If I’m taken out of the moment, idk when I’ll be able to start back up. If I don’t say what I’m thinking *while* I’m thinking it, it’ll be forever lost. (Trying my best to work on this. It’s hard!) 7/8

[image description: Two-column text inside purple and yellow arrows. Title “What ADHD & autism feel like…” L column is ADHD; R column is autism. 1st row, L text: “Having difficulty sitting still”, R text: “Hypersensitive to other people fidgeting”. 2nd row, L text: “Interrupting others when they are busy”; R text: “Hate being bothered while in hyperfocus”. by @autistic.qualia]

Please note: • These traits are infinitely more nuanced than a few tweets can possibly cover. • I do not speak for the entire autistic community. From @autisticqualia on IG, an outstanding AuDHD awareness account.

[image descriptions: a box of text at left reads “Having both ADHD & autism can sometimes feel like there are contradicting forces within you. Traits that seem incompatible on the surface can exist in the same person.” A box of text at right reads  “Everyone with ADHD & autism is different. These are the contradicting traits that I personally experience as someone with both ADHD and autism.”]

It's uncommon for me to see someone discussing the experience of being both austistic and ADHD, and this was articulated so well, I feel like it also describes my experiences. (The author is also an advocate for late diagnosis AuDHD adults, who has shared her experiences about working with dismissive, misogynist doctors.)

Bearing in mind that every individual is different, as noted by the tweet author, I feel like I am more autistic than I am ADHD, despite my ADHD diagnosis (and these two developmental disorders have many overlapping traits, of course).

I have never, ever understood the experience of "ADHD boredom" that I have seen some people describe. I am perpetually overstimulated, not understimulated, and I stuggle to process experiences and find enough time and space. Executive dysfunction also prevents me from starting/enjoying activities, as is typical with ADHD. It's not just a thing that makes it difficult to work on stressful or boring tasks; it prevents you being being able to commence fun things, like reading for enjoyment or watching a TV show you want to watch. And when I do manage to start the book/TV show, the stimulus is often overwhelming and I don't get very far.

#autism #adhd #audhd #actually autistic #actually adhd #late diagnosed autistic #late diagnosed adhd #pot8um #shaun talks #disability

[tkingfisher]

So I write all sorts of things (fiction, fanfic, screenplays) and my mind is cluttered garden of flowers and weeds and shiny ideas, and I'm wondering how to form a writing practice to clear it into tidy rows? Is it possible to shepherd untamed ideas into order?

How do you manage all your wonderful worlds, characters and inspiration and not feel haunted by the story bits and pieces in your head? Any practical tips beyond dark magic?

Thank you, you are such a constant inspiration for me, both prose and just your presence. <3

*laugh* Oh god, Nonny, if I ever find out, I’ll tell you! When you read books, you’re getting the Instagram-filtered view of a writer’s brain, all the flowers that grew out of the compost heap, carefully composed and shot in optimal lighting. The real inside of my skull is a magpie nest of Neat Shit I Read/Saw/Thought Up While Lying Awake At 2 AM. There are characters and ideas in there that I’ve been trying to get into a manuscript since I was twelve and typing on an Amiga 500.

But, that said…really, I think it’s okay. Creativity is inherently untidy. The compost heap can be corralled into a very pretty box made of sustainably harvested materials, hand-stained by traditional artisans being paid a living wage by an employee-owned company, but as soon as you lift the lid, it’s all worms and coffee grounds and old potting soil and cow shit and the vegetables you swore you were gonna eat this time before they went bad. That’s what compost is.

Nevertheless, having been in the business for…uh…fifteen years now? (@dduane is snickering at me, I can feel it) and having written nearly forty books, I can offer three bits of something less than advice. It’s what I do. It may not work for anyone else, but it’s what I do.

Un-Advice The First: If you get a shiny idea and you are super excited by it? Go ahead and chase it. Pull up a new page in Word or whatever and slap down a couple thousand words while it’s exciting. I know that this absolutely flies in the face of common wisdom, but quite frankly, my enthusiasm is a much rarer commodity than my time, so if I’m excited about something, I write it down until I’ve taken the edge off.

Then I usually save it into a big folder called “Fragments” and go back to work on whatever I’ve got a deadline on. (Usually. Sometimes the edge doesn’t wear off, and I wind up with another book. Which, y’know, darn.)

There are vast numbers of people who will tell you that a shiny idea is a sign that something is wrong with your current project and the solution is to knuckle down and work! through! it! And those people are probably right for them, and I trust they know how their own brains work. Me, though, I got ADHD like a bat has wings. My hard drive is a vast swamp of story beginnings, neat ideas, random scenes. And that’s okay because I still get books finished.

In fact, it’s better than okay. Not that long ago, my agent sent a novella to a publisher and they said “We’ll take that novella and three more novels. What’ve you got?” And I ended up plundering my hard drive and sending the editor a good dozen random beginnings until we found one that we both liked, and then I wrote the rest of that book. And then another one. If I hadn’t had all those fragments lying around, though, it would have been a miserable experience of writing book pitches and trying to think of stuff I could get excited about. (This may not be how some editors work, but it’s how my editor and I work, anyhow.)

Un-Advice The Second: Trust that everything will find a home eventually.

This one is easy to say and hard to do because sometimes you get that overload that if you’re writing the book about, say, werebear nuns, you aren’t writing the one about the alien crustaceans. Or worse, you feel guilty. If you don’t use that one cool thing, was all that time you spent on it wasted?

Breathe. Be easy. Every single cool thing does not need to go into a single book. There is no sell-by date on the neat character. You will probably write many books in your life and all those random characters will find a home. (Seriously, the werebear nuns were lurking for like a decade.)

For me, at least, when I find the spot where something fits, it often snaps into place like a Lego. Easton’s backstory as a soldier from a society where soldiers were a third sex had been kicking around in my head for a few years, derived from about three different sources, and then I wrote the opening to What Moves The Dead and all of a sudden Easton was there and alive and they had strong opinions about everything and I had ten thousand words practically before I turned around.

You can also stave off guilt by writing some of your ideas in as highly personal Easter Eggs. A couple of my books have references to a white deer woman, a heroic deed done by a saint and the ghost of a bird, and a woman with dozens of hummingbirds on tiny jeweled leashes. Those are all characters and stories I’ve had vague notions about, but haven’t managed to work in anywhere or learn much more about. Still, the passing reference is enough to make me feel like I haven’t abandoned them.

(The advantage to this is that once you DO write those in, the readers are all “oh my god, she foreshadowed this a decade ago, she must have planned this all out in advance!” Then you look really clever and well-organized and no one has to know that you have no idea what you’re doing.)

Un-Advice The Third: Write the kitchen sink book.

At one point, I had so many stray ideas that hadn’t gotten into a book yet—the tree of frogs, the dog-soldiers, the stained glass saint, the albatross and the shadow of the sun, and also I wanted to write something with Baba Yaga—that I hauled off and wrote a book where I just put in everything and the kitchen sink. It’s called Summer in Orcus. There are bits in there that I had been cooking in the mental compost heap for decades, but that weren’t enough on their own to sustain a whole book. The phrase “antelope women are not to be trusted” showed up in my head some time in college. It’s a fun little book and I’m proud of it, but it’s very much a patchwork quilt of weirdness. But it’s also written so that if later on, an antelope woman shows up in another book in another context, that just adds to their mythology, it doesn’t break canon or whatever.

(Pretty sure I’m not the only one who has done this, either. China Mieville has said that he wrote Perdido Street Station because what he really enjoyed was writing all the weird monsters.)

So yeah, that’s my advice, for what it’s worth. Some days I just tell all the fragments and ideas that I promise that I’ll get them a home eventually but I need to write this thing here now. Sometimes I throw down enough words to get the story stabilized and then I’m okay to move on. Sometimes I write multiple books simultaneously.

Any method you use to write the book, so long as it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, is a perfectly valid method. If anyone tells you different, you send them to me.

(…god, I hope that was the question you were actually asking, Nonny, and that I didn’t go off on a completely different tangent when you just wanted to know how I keep track of a plot or something.)

#long #rambling #writing

[coinandcandle]

Witchy New Year Refresh

It’s the new year soon and I wanted to share what I plan to do to invite 2024 in with vim and vigor!

I plan to do this over a few weeks as doing it all at once would be exhausting and just isn’t possible for me. Do what works for you and listen to your mind and body!

Clean and Cleanse

Not just spiritually, but I plan to physically clean my space. Any time I am inviting something new into my home—be it the new year, new energy, or a new way of thinking—I clean and cleanse my space.

I’m not one for spiritual sterility, though. I tend to deep clean or organize my spaces and then I will move on to spiritually cleaning my space! Here are some ways you can do this:

Smoke cleansing - a common one but it’s a good one! Not a great option if you have asthma or pets.

Open windows - It’s pretty cold where I am right now but I still like to open the windows for a little bit to let the air flow through the space and carry out any stagnant air and energy.

Sound cleansing - Not always the best option for folks who live with others or have thin walls but I like to blast music and fill my space with sound. When doing this I prefer to use a playlist that invokes the energy I want to bring with me into the new year!

Spray incense - If smoke isn’t possible for you try using a sprayable incense! Just be careful since this will still distribute a substance across your space and if you have children or pets it’s best to use non-toxic plants for this.

Simmer pot - I love to throw together a simmer pot for cleansing my space. I find it works best in the room you’re in which is likely the kitchen but if you have a wax warmer or mug warmer then you can make a mini simmer pot by placing a heat-safe container of water on it and putting in whatever herbs and oils you want!

Connect and Reconnect

I have ADHD and if something is out of sight, it’s out of mind. To this point, I tend to forget about my oracle/tarot decks, offering vessels, and spell vessels. Here’s a few ways I plan to try to connect and reconnect with the spirits and energy around me.

Clean and organize altars or offering spaces - Self-explanatory but this means dusting, wiping down, and moving things around. It could also mean adding new things and tossing old things that have served their purpose.

Set out new offerings - I plan to try and truly connect to my house spirit(s) this year so I want to find a space in the home where I feel like I can best feel its energy and I will leave an offering. This also means refreshing offerings for deities.

Check-in with spell vessels - I’m a very physical witch, I tend to prefer having a real-world anchor for my spells. This adds up, though, and I’m stuck with a bunch of jars, bowls, pouches, or whatever else. Check-in and see if they’re still active or if you still need to maintain the physical aspect of the spell. If not, dispose of them appropriately.

New Year’s meditation - Practicing mindfulness and doing a meditation session to help me connect with myself going into the new year.

Shadow work or self-care - Shadow work is a form of self-care to me, though some of it can be intense and that’s not how I want to start my new year. Instead, I’ll be doing either some very gentle shadow work or I will be otherwise practicing simply self-care.

Misc

Other things you can do for the new year that I don’t have a category for!

Make a hearty and satisfying breakfast on New Year's Day to welcome in the new year--or at least a satisfying cup of coffee!

Drink tea that invokes the energy you’d like to follow you into the new year.

Make a list of things you would like to learn or try in the new year as far as your practice goes.

Here are some posts to look through for the coming year!

2024 Witchy Calendar by @breelandwalker

Witchy Self-Care post by @ts-witchy-archive

Witchy Quick Tip - Mini simmer pot by me

Celebrating the New Year by @thevirginwitch

Please feel free to add any in either a reblog or comment! <:

Enjoy my posts? Consider leaving me a tip on my ko-fi!~

#witchcraft #witchblr #pagan #witch tips #witchery

[carooosa]

Enchanting Distractions

Summary: Tav (reader) has ADHD/is bad at setting boundaries when it comes to their party members. Astarion comforts them.

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: Semi-canon compliant, takes place after the tiefling party and literally right before entering Act 2. I barely proofread it so sorry in advance. I was feeling particularly upset at myself today and so this is what I wrote up.

The days had been starting to blur together as you made your way through the mountain pass. Tomorrow your party would step into the shadow-cursed lands, so it was decided to set up camp early for the night to ensure that everyone was well-rested and prepared. Tension ran through the camp, everyone on edge with the possibility of finding the cause of the tadpoles. Whatever happens tomorrow could very well be the end of your journey.

As everyone set up their tents, you began to look through your supplies, separating potions, arrows, and scrolls into piles to give to your companions. While organizing everything, the sound of Lae’zel and Shadowheart bickering caused you to lift your head. They had never gotten along since the beginning of this tadpole mess but after the Githyanki Creche their hatred for each other seemed to amplify.

“I would say that I’m surprised that machine was unable to get rid of the tadpoles, but then again, I wouldn’t expect gith to know what they were doing,” Shadowheart had taunted Lae’zel.

“The zaith'isk was tampered with! Githyanki technology is far beyond your understanding, and if you had something other than a tadpole in your brain, you would realize the mistake in your words,” Lae’zel shot back. She turned to herself before saying, “Useless istik, mindlessly following a false god”

“What did you just say?” Shadowheart said as she readied herself to attack.

“Your ‘goddess’ ordered you to steal a precious artifact from my people, and yet knowing that does not change your unwavering belief. A goblin has more integrity than you,” Lae’zel said as she continued to walk away.

“Shar is a real goddess, unlike the githyanki’s petty attempt at a goddess, Vlaakith,” Shadowheart yells as she begins to sprint toward Lae’zel. The fighter had already pulled out her sword and the clashing of metal rang through the air. You sighed, standing up from the mess that laid out before you, and ran towards the fight. Before you could intervene, Karlach had taken her great axe and held it out in between the two aggressors before berating them.

“For fuck’s sake guys, the whole point of setting up camp early was to rest for tomorrow, not argue and waste our energy on dumb fights.” As Karlach said this, Shadowheart cast gust of wind to push her opponent back, accidentally hitting Karlach in the crossfire. She had succeeded at causing Lae’zel to lose her grip on her sword but had caused that sword to slash into Karlach’s leg. The tiefling groaned as she kneeled to the ground, clutching her thigh.

You ran back to your bag and turned it upside down, dumping all the contents onto the piles you had started to make earlier, and rummaged through your items until you found a healing potion and some fire-resistant bandages. When you ran over to Karlach to heal her, Wyll was already yelling at the two women who had caused an unnecessary injury.

“Your recklessness has caused this bloodshed!” he sounded exasperated as you handed Karlach the potion, unraveling the bandages and starting to dress her wound, careful to not burn yourself in the process. “You both are distracted by your own prejudices and disdain for each other that the thought you may be hurting others in the process never crossed your minds. So caught up in yourselves, you have yet to see the irony of the words you throw at each other.”

Wyll continued his lecture as you focus on Karlach, watching her toss aside the empty potion bottle. “Thanks, soldier,” she says with a weak smile. She pushes herself off of the ground, causing Wyll to pause his lecture and rush to her side. “I’m fine, just gonna head to bed early,” she says while sidestepping past him.

You take a breath and start to think of how to address the situation that just happened when suddenly, Gale is by your side, anxiously fumbling with his hands. Realization overcame you and you tried to recall the last time you had given the wizard an enchanted item to consume the magic from. 

“I know now might not be the best time,” he starts, “but there really never is a good time nowadays, is there?” he finishes with a chuckle to himself.

“I should have an enchanted ring in my bag—“ you stop when you glance back at your backpack, contents strewn across the ground.

“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Gale says quickly. “Dinner isn’t going to cook itself!” He makes his way to his tent and you drag your feet back to your backpack, dreading the mess you’ll have to clean up. Sifting through the items, you create another pile of the things you already looked through. Focused on organizing, you don’t hear Astarion sneak up on you.

“My my, these are quite the… piles you have here,” he says while crouching down across from you. “What’s with all these arrows and grenades? Have you decided to try your hand in ranged combat? Because if so,” he pauses, crimson red eyes staring into your soul, “I’d be more than happy to give you some private lessons.” He bares his teeth, his fangs glistening. You’re tempted to take him up on the offer before you remember why you got those items in the first place.

“Oh, those aren’t for me. I’ve been picking up stuff here and there, and I figured before heading out tomorrow I’d give some to everyone. I was actually organizing everything,” you say, completely forgetting that you were looking for a ring, “and I was going to try and figure out what would be best for everyone to have, but since you’re here, you can pick whatever you want.”

“I can choose anything here?” Astarion asks with a smirk. You nod your head and he responds by picking up your hand and giving it a kiss on the palm, “Then I pick you, my dear.”

Your cheeks flush red as you stutter out a response. “That’s not what I meant and you know it!” Astarion had been teasing you a lot more lately, and while you didn’t mind, it had proven to be an extra distraction. 

He chuckled at your pout, caressing your face with his other hand, his thumb pressing down on your lower lip. You both stare at each other for a moment, before he sighs and brings his hands back to his side. “Well, if I can’t have you I guess I need to figure something else out.” He scans over the pile and picks up a necklace.

“Wait, not that,” you say while snatching the jewelry away from him. “That can restore one of Shadowheart’s spells, I should go give that to her.” You stand up and run off to find the cleric, not noticing the disgruntled look Astarion has on his face. He sighs and looks down at the clutter, beginning to sift through the items.

While making your way to Shadowheart’s tent, you hear Halsin comfort a whining Scratch. “There, there, I’m sure we will retreive it soon enough,” the druid says while gently petting the dog. “Ah, Tav, could I bother you for a moment? Scratch seems to have lost his ball in a burrow and neither of us can reach it. Would mind seeing if you can grab it?”

Scratch runs up to you and paces around you in circles before you lean down to him, “Of course I’ll help you out, buddy.” Without thinking, you set the necklace on a nearby rock, crouching down to the burrow and searching for the ball. In the shadows you spot it, deep inside the tunnel, and you reach your arm in. 

Your fingers are barely able to reach the toy, and you’re about to maneuver the ball out when Gale speaks. “Tav, I’m terribly sorry to ask again, but were you able to find the enchanted ring perchance?” The ball rolls out of your grasp, and you let out a long sigh before retracting your arm.

“Sorry, Gale, I got distracted. As soon as I get this ball out for Scratch I’ll go and get it for you.” Content with that answer he nods and walks off. Reaching your hand back into the hole, you push yourself against the ground, the extra leverage closing the distance between your hand and the toy. You let out a breath before throwing the ball, Scratch bounding after it.

“Thank you, Tav!” Halsin says as he runs after the dog.

Walking back to where Astarion sits rummaging through your things, Wyll interrupts you. “Tav, do you by chance have a fire resistance potion? I was wanting to give Karlach these flowers to cheer her up,” he says, holding the bouquet in front of him sheepishly. Although Wyll and Karlach had been foes in Avernus, they’re relationship was slowly blossoming into a gentle romance.

“That’s very sweet of you, Wyll. I should have one in my stuff.” You both head over to the piles of items that Astarion had started to organize. It would be nice to have someone think about me like Wyll thinks about Karlach, you ponder as you bend down next to Astarion, grabbing the fire resistance potion that sat buried within the clutter. “Here you go,” you hand Wyll the potion, “I think those will make her very happy.”

Wyll says a quick thanks as he opens the potion with his teeth, hastily pouring the contents over the bouquet and heading off to Karlach’s tent. Clearing his throat, Astarion asks “Did Shadowheart enjoy your gift?” he says with a slight frown and a twinge of annoyance in his voice.

“My what?”

He stares at you for a second, before elaborating, “The necklace? The one that you oh so rudely snatched from my hands.” He watches as your face scrunches up tightly trying to remember what he’s talking about before you gasp.

“The necklace!”

“Yes, the necklace,” he sighs.

“Where did I put it?” you say as you frantically pat down your pockets.

Astarion starts to tease you again, “Really, darling, how could you misplace something like that? I thought that necklace was important after you had yanked it out of my hand and ran off to Shadowheart.” He’s chuckling to himself when he notices the genuine frustration that is starting to seep off of you.

“I just had it. I was holding it in my hand. Where could I have put it?” you mutter to yourself, your breath starting to quicken. Dread creeps through your chest as you begin to mentally retrace your steps. “Think, dammit, think!” Tears start to form in the corners of your eyes, a lump taking place in the back of your throat. Astarion stood up and reached his hand tentatively towards yours, squeezing it gently to try and bring you back to the present.

Gale had made his way back over to you, seeing that you were near your things. “I hate to interrupt this touching moment, but I really do need that ring if you have it,” He says while clutching his chest. Astarion glares daggers at the wizard who is either oblivious or purposely ignoring your stress, but you don’t notice as your mind has drifted off.

Right, you think to yourself, I came over here to look for the ring. Without saying a word, you push away Astarion’s hand and sink to the ground, aimlessly pushing around everything trying to find the ring. Astarion studies you, the way your hands seem to be searching for the relic while your eyes glaze over and stare at nothing, until your hand brushes over the small golden circle and you grasp it firmly. You sigh and recollect yourself before turning around and jumping up to Gale, handing him the ring with a forced smile and laugh. “Sorry for the delay! I’ve been so forgetful lately.”

He takes the ring from your hand, clutching it tightly while absorbing the magic into his chest. When he opens his hand, the ring is broken into two. “Ah, apologies. Dinner should be finished soon. Thanks again,” he says with a bow before leaving.

You sigh before returning to the pile, starting to organize it once again. From the outside, people would assume that you’re just forgetful and easily distracted, most even finding your frantic and hectic demeanor cute. You can’t help but feel like a burden, requiring constant reminders to stay on task, feeling like you need to rely on others instead of yourself. It wasn’t for a lack of trying, either, but no matter how many times you repeated tasks to yourself, how many times you had written down what needs to be done, how many times you had try to will focus into your mind, nothing changed. It's always been like this, and now with the stress of the unknown ahead, you’ve been getting distracted more.

Astarion watches you, determined to organize the mess on the ground. When he first met you, you had brushed off your forgetfulness and laughed along with anyone who had made a joke at your expense. It had annoyed him to no end when you would walk into the same room, multiple times, that you had just looted. This aloofness only seemed to grow after you both had come to an agreement that Astarion could drink your blood in order to satiate his thirst, the only side affect being your increased mind-wandering.

After another 30 minutes of watching you return to the same room over and over to loot, he had decided that you both would search the rooms together, if nothing else to lessen the time it took at each town. He didn’t expect that during the extra, private time you both were now spending together he would begin to grow fond of you. While he would be working on a lock of a chest, you would grab a book and immediately become immersed in it. At first, he would use this time to pocket the most valuable items found in whatever container he had just opened, but as time went on, he had started to ask you questions about what you were reading.

It had caught him off guard when you looked up at him with excitement in your eyes as you explained the gossip in the diary you found, and he couldn’t help but become intrigued himself. Quickly, a new routine had started: while Astarion would loot and lockpick whatever he could get his hands on, you would find diaries, notes, and books to read outloud. He would respond to the especially vulgar and outlandish things you would recite with theatrical gasps and awes. One time, you had stumbled across a particularly sad letter from a person who begged their lover to wait for them, only for their lover to respond that they had never returned. A choked sob had escaped your lips when you finished the letter, and Astarion had quickly called you over to distract you.

“It’s about time that you learn how to use one of these,” he said while he pushed a lockpick into your hands. “If you’re going to stare at me while I do all the work, you may as well get something out of it.” He had been joking, but you hadn’t taken it that way. A wave a guilt and embarrassment had washed over you as you resolved to force yourself to learn what he was teaching you. It was all in vain, however, as every ten minutes when he would ask you to demonstrate, your hands would clam up and your mind would go blank.

“Darling, is it really that hard to focus? Or am I just that distracting, hm?” he had joked.

You wouldn’t look into his eyes, instead you had begun to fumble with the lockpick in your hands. “I’m sorry,” you had whispered, “I’m really trying.”

You had expected him to berate you or to even make a joke about how useless you were, but instead he had sighed and positioned himself behind you, placing his hands over yours as he talked you through the steps, yet again, of lockpicking. When you had heard the final click of the lock, you quickly turned to look at the man who had helped you. Inches away from each other’s faces, he smiled softly and brought one of his hands up to your cheek as he placed a gentle kiss on your temple.

“See? You can focus,” he had said while giving you a tight squeeze.

The sound of your sigh brought him back to the present, and he stared at you for a moment before asking, “Do you want me to go and look for the necklace while you do this?” You stop moving things around and just sit there, defeated. The necklace had completely slipped your mind, just like the ring. Your body begins to shake as tears run down your cheek. Astarion slowly kneels next to you, grabbing the potions and arrows from your hand and setting them off to the side. “Hey, it’s alright. Shh-shh-shh, there’s no need to ruin that beautiful face of yours.”

You start to sob quietly. Why was this so difficult for you? You were able to talk your way out of situations, fight enemies with ease, and coordinate a fighting strategy that used everyone to the best of their abilities, yet you were unable to do such simple things. You draw your hands to your eyes, pressing harshly into them to try and stop the tears that fall out. Astarion gingerly moves his arms around you in a hug, as gentle as he can muster as to not startle you. He squeezes you tightly and you stay like that for a while, before you’re able to croak out a simple question that leaves a pain in his chest.

“What’s wrong with me?” You move your hands away from your face and turn your head to look at him, expecting to see frustration in his eyes but instead finding something softer. It looks as if he’s genuinely concerned. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Tav,” he says quietly, barely above a whisper.

“Then why,” you say with trembling words, “why can’t I do such simple things? Why is it so difficult for me to remember what I’m doing, to not get distracted?”

Astarion sighs as he looks at you with his big, round eyes. “You are capable of much more than you know, my sweet. You were designated the leader for a reason. You’re brave, witty, and above all else, kind. You are so sickenly kind and patient with everyone, yet you don’t afford yourself the same grace,” he says as he rubs circles into your back. “You’ve been kind to those that don’t deserve it, but you’re never kind to yourself.”

“Thank you,” you reply meekly. You hated crying in front of your companions, but you found that you didn’t mind being comforted by Astarion.

“Besides, darling,” the vampire joked,” It’s hardly your fault that you keep getting distracted when there are six adult children who need constant supervision.”

“Don’t you mean seven?”

He pulled away from you with a gasp. “I think I am more than capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much.”

“Oh, if that’s the case, you don’t need to see me for blood anymore then, right?” you teased.

Astarion squinted at you before his eyes softened and he pulled you into his arms again. You both sat like that for a while before he spoke, barely above a whisper, “I don’t only need you for blood.” Before you can respond, Gale’s call to dinner causes Astarion to push you up. “Go on, enjoy dinner.” You start to protest and gesture to the mess that still needs to be cleaned up before he cuts you off, “I’ll take care of it.” As he begins to sort through the items, he catches your eye before you leave. 

“I hope you know that I’m still expecting to see you tonight,” he says with a sultry voice. If you hadn’t gotten closer recently, you would take what he says at face value, a meaningless flirt to rile you up. But beneath his smirk you can see a hint of sadness in his eyes.

It will need to wait for another time as your stomach grumbles, and you remember that you had forgotten to eat lunch that day. You say a quick thank-you before running off to join the rest of the party, feeling more at ease about the adventure that lay before you.

#bg3 #astarion x tav #bg3 astarion #bg3 shadowheart #bg3 tav #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 gale #bg3 wyll #bg3 lae'zel #bg3 karlach #astarion x reader

[fgefrgbghv]

Astrology notes 1: Family & genetics & my placements

Capricorn Moons - very unstable, irresponsible and childish and overall can have a terrible, irresponsible and childish mother, often absent father, often are the oldest kids who raised themselves, their other siblings and partly also their parents.

Experiences: my best friend is an oldest child cap moon who raised basically themselves, her mother is almost as shit as mine,, which is A LOT,, also her father tends to be on long work trips a lot. like,, majority of her life and ive never actually seen him except her jokin glike two times about him being autistic -

Scorpio Sun - Often Black sheep of their family - raw, wild, different from their family and often put aside in a different box cuz of it.

Experiences: my scorp sun dad - he is literally an adhd energetic worcaholic goofball in a house full of conversative "mental differences & ilnesses aren't real" (I mean, he is this too tho-) lazy people. or at least,,, he grew up to be. I hope we're not like this lol.

Also this thing about scorp placements being neurodivergent -

Experiences: my moon and my dad's sun, both having adhd and possible autism

Scorpio Moon - The worst moon sign to have objectively. A terrible, over-controlling, border narcissistic mom. Were literally taught to be feared by her and her obsessions. Have it the worst. Also they get so much trust issues from their parents and overbearing, too-involved and wanting to be controlling everything in their lives, mother, so they aren't very good with relationships, and often feel

Ecperiences: Me. I have it, also a very terrible and fanatic and often crazy, mad and frantic - not in a good way - described by people who she has around and me, who knows this aspect of her way too much,

On the contrary, Taurus Moons - Objectively the best moon placement to have. Imagine taurian qualities and that in a mother -- boom, now you have won.

Exps: - My brother is this, and remember that frantic mom we have? Well, if you saw her around him, you'd almost believe she is actually normal. They have a great relationship. I mean, she IS kinda awful, but like, doesn't make his life hell,, in contrary to mine.

People often tell people with Lilith in 10th their worst horrible horrible secrets and their dark side. And like when they tell it about them to anyone else they're always like "noooo, them??? They'd NEVER do that." and just people

I have Pluto in 11th - which makes me always on the edge of social groups, people not trusting me easily and always having a thin line between friends and enemies, mixed with my moon sign never knowing who to trust because I KNOW people are gonna turn their back on me a lot. Happened a lot always and will happen, anyways. Also, combined with my Lilith in 10th, women don't like me in general, so, personally, as a man-repulsed person... Yayyy. I have a loooot of people to talk to and to choose from, lmao.

Peace out, guys.

NOW TELL ME ASTROLOGY ISNT REAL

#scorpio moon #moon in scorpio #astrology #astro notes #astro community #astro observations #astrology notes #ascendant #astrology observations #pluto in the 11th house #pluto in 11th house #pluto in 11th #pluto in the 11th #lilith in 10th #lilith in 10th house #lilith in the 10th house #lilith in the 10th #taurus moon #taurus #moon in taurus #11th house #10th house #moon #moon astrology #sun astrology #scorpios sun #sun in scorpio #moon in capricorn #cap moon #caps

[blacknedsoul-blog]

A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

So I had this six fucking hour trip. On a bus. Alone. And I was bored out of my mind, because sitting around being bored is as close to mental torture as it gets for me.

Fortunately, the light at the end of the tunnel: I was inspired. Away from the burnout I have with fanfics, I remembered that I've mentioned this headcanon several times on Nevermore's Discord and just thought, what better time to talk about ADHD than when I'm having a pretty ADHD moment?

But before I start, there are a few little things that need to be pretty clear on the table:

I'm being a bit hypocritical here: in general, I'm deeply against diagnosing fictional characters for two reasons: first, it's an impossible task to distinguish between character traits and symptoms to such an extent that you can go around forever without coming to a real conclusion unless the author of the work confirms it, and second, even if you have the disorder you're talking about, you can fall into the trap of perpetuating stereotypes or generalizing, thereby invalidating other experiences. So even if the tone of this review sounds very assertive, it is because of my writing style. I am in no way diagnosing Annabel; this is an analysis of her character through the lens of a possible disorder.

In relation to the above, where I point out an event in the comic that can be read as a symptom, I am not reducing it to "this only happens because she has ADHD". You CAN'T reduce a person's personality to "they has a disorder," and when I point out these examples, I'm not doing so with the intention of denying the background behind it, but rather pointing out how, under the magnifying glass of having it, it might exacerbate that behavior.

I am NOT a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a neurologist: I am a woman with ADHD. One who has done a lot of research on the subject, been in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the disorder, and talked extensively about it both with friends who also have it and with professionals. But I don't have a career in mental health, I don't pretend to, and everything you'll read below is a mixture of research and personal experience.

You're going to see a lot of "we" or "those of us with ADHD" because, as I said, I have it too, but this is all a generalization made for the sake of flow. The symptoms of this disorder can be expressed in many different ways, and not everyone has all of them (for example, there are some that I don't have, but it would be strange to change the voice of the text just because of that, it makes it harder to read). If you have ADHD and read a symptom and think "hey, I don't get that", that's perfectly normal. Your experience is valid and I don't want to pass it on. But it would be exhausting for me and for the reader to use tentative phrases all the time.

If this text resonates too much with you, I strongly recommend that you see a professional, if you're able, and not self-diagnose: ADHD has many symptoms in common with autism and other neuro divergences, don't risk misdiagnosis.

If you have a different opinion than mine on this subject and want to share it with me, I'll be happy to read it, if I don't answer it's because I forgot (forgive me?). But you can be sure that I will read it.

Anyway, let's get started.

What is ADHD?

According to the NIH (National Institute of Mental Health) website, this is the definition of ADHD:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Here is an impression that needs to be clarified: ADHD is more about an inability to regulate attention than a lack of it. A neurotypical person may choose to focus on a task to get it done, we may procrastinate to death because even if we want to, we can't focus on it, or stand there absorbed in it ad infinitum until the house falls down around us (and we may still have trouble noticing). This is understood, Understanding all this, here is the list of Annabel's behaviors that could be interpreted as symptoms.

Hyperactivity

One thing that not everyone knows is that hyperactivity is not about running around like an uncontrolled animal. It can manifest itself in many ways, and there are many types: physical, mental, and even emotional.

In Annabel's case, she seems to be the first two types.

Perhaps due to her difficulty in expressing emotions, it is quite obvious at this point in the comic that her moods are made explicit through gestures: playing with her rings when she is happy or nervous, touching the ribbon around her neck in moments of anxiety, or playing with her hair almost as a default state.

Annabel.

Doesn't.

Sit.

Still.

Never.

It is also clear that Annabel is always planning something. Always.

This can be read into the logic of mental hyperactivity: when you have it, your brain just doesn't stop. Ever. And that's something that resonates with this lady.

Emotional Dysregulation

The part of the brain that regulates our moods works…erratically. Not to say it doesn't work at all.

This leads to a painfully common problem in women with ADHD: lack of emotional regulation is seen as drama, and instead of being taught tools to deal with it, we are taught to repress and bottle up emotions.

Annabel has highly internalized this as a defense mechanism. But here's the thing: if repressing emotions instead of learning how to deal with them in a healthy way is harmful, being biologically unable to regulate them can be even worse.

It touches the right nerves, and if you catch us flying low, it can cause explosive outbursts.

Possibly violent reactions to feeling offended or uncomfortable.

Or completely over-the-top reactions that we can't control.

And it's not just anger that's affected, it's the whole emotional spectrum. Another emotion that is very noticeable is fear. If we don't develop tools to help us calm down, we don't get scared, we panic.

If this happens too often, we can become prone to developing severe anxiety or frequent attacks.

We may also have great difficulty dealing with frustration. Our brains love rewards, and feeling that we're not getting them because of our own inability to do something can be downright annoying. And if we don't have the tools to express our frustration appropriately, we can have quite childish reactions, ranging from temper tantrums to…pouting.

I find it funny how several of these pouts are caused by Lenore, a bit like "Oh, come on, honey, what are we talking about?"

Another important thing to note here is that one of the most fucked up and notorious symptoms of this lack of emotional regulation is RSD, short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, defined as "a problem that interferes with your ability to regulate your emotional responses to feelings of failure and rejection. While rejection is almost always unpleasant, people with RSD experience overwhelming levels of emotional pain. This can lead to long-term mental health problems, fear of failure, and behavioral changes that negatively affect them throughout their lives."

Rejection and fear of failure are a problem for us. So much so that we may seek strategies to avoid it as much as possible, even when it causes us problems (such as not completing a task for fear of doing it wrong). This is an issue that can tear us apart emotionally.

Annabel is terrified of being rejected or despised. Her whole life has been built around appearances and getting the right people interested in her. If she can't do that, what good is she?

And that's something that comes up a lot in her relationship with Lenore. Repeatedly, in fact, but my favorite has to be this one:

Annabel thought it would be the smart thing to do to break that bond because she knows they're never going to see each other again. But the look on her face when Lenore calls her a "damn liar" is just painful to watch. I think ripping her heart out with a rusty spoon would have hurt less.

Finally, on the subject of things that aren't so funny: that thing Annabel does about biting her fingers when she's in a critical situation is something I used to do, too (only I'd bite my knuckles or palms).

My psychologist explained to me that when you feel like you're losing control, you immediately look for something to ground you, and unfortunately, physical pain is often a quick (if damaging) way to do that.

Codependency

Okay, here's a thing: it's not that we have a tendency as such to codependency, but this is a situation that can occur due to bad practices within a relationship. Especially a couple one.

As it stands out, people with ADHD can have a lot of problems with micromanaging ourselves, remembering things, dealing with our emotions, etc, etc, etc. And it is natural for close friends, family or our partner to help in those processes.

The problem arises when that help starts to become a parentification process where the partner who is providing support starts to do this on behalf of the other person, infantilizing them in the process.

This is a cocktail for resentment on both sides: the party calling the shots can easily feel that the other is putting a huge burden on their shoulders and not trying hard enough, while, on the other side, no one likes to feel like they are being treated like a child. Let alone that the person doing it is your partner.

But at the other end of resentment, there's codependency.

The constant feeling that you are a burden, insufficient or even disposable.

And that means you have a lot to make up for. On a regular basis. So much that you put yourself in a situation where you have to make horrible decisions so that someone else doesn't have to because somehow you owe it to them, who hasn't had that happen?

What I mean is that yes, Annabel feels like she owes this to Lenore because she only remembers the part where Lenore came kicking in doors to save her from a marriage she didn't want. And if she can't do this for her, she doesn't deserve a relationship.

Feeling inadequate, that your partner is doing you some kind of favor by tolerating you and ending up idealizing their in the process is obviously not unique to the neurodivergent experience.

But we try, we try really hard and, like anyone else, we like to feel that the effort we put in is seen and valued.

If we are not careful about that, we do indeed fall into the risk of becoming codependent. The desire to feel loved or valued becomes a constant hunger for validation from which it is difficult to escape because we are aware that our brain will never function in a different way. And if that is mixed with RSD, it can become an even bigger problem.

Novelty, games, challenges, and rewards

Producing dopamine on a normal basis is one thing our brains aren't very good at (one of the reasons we can be prone to depression, for example), but you know what they love? Challenges and rewards.

New things feed our endless curiosity, but for some reason unknown to me, our brains really love challenges and dares. They give us dopamine like we're on a high.

So much so that some people use it as a tactic to perform tasks they don't like: "How many dishes can I wash before my dinner is ready?", "If I can finish this in less than 30 minutes, I can go get chocolate."

One medium we may like very much for this reason is games. Board games, card games, or virtual games. It doesn't matter. Games provide a very good balance of challenge and reward.

If you see that Annabel seems overly interested in how this works, it's because there may be a part of her that thinks "aside from the deadly situation we're in…this is like the most hardcore escape room ever" and inevitably there's something here that stirs her bug.

It may be something she loves about Lenore. As a good hypocrite, Annabel despises the rules she knows so well, so when Lenore comes along with this gimmick and completely changes the paradigm of what she knows, there is inevitably something that appeals to her. Others who are good at the game look down on Lenore's disdain for the rules, to Annabel it is fucking appealing because it offers a range of unexplored possibilities that she fucking loves.

Erratic Communication

When our brains are running at full speed, communication can become a challenge, and we tend to exhibit erratic patterns.

One of these is info-dumping. Touch a topic we know about or are interested in and it's like stepping on a landmine: we explode talking about it. Non-stop. You'll have to hit us to shut us up.

Another thing is that we can have a bad habit of interrupting. A lot. It's not malicious, it's just that we're really into the conversation and want to participate as much as possible.

That said, even if we're extroverts, it can be a nightmare to withhold information or participate in a conversation if it doesn't grab our attention. It's not that we want to be disrespectful or anything, it's just that, again, we have no control over our ability to pay attention and we're swimming against the tide to hold on to whatever it is you're telling us.

This scene is something I've seen in friends with ADHD and have been told I do: stare at people while doing your best to do the hamster run to remember what they're telling you because you know it's important, even though your brain is putting it together with junk information because it's not engaging your attention in the right way.

Ignore the murderous stare part, it's not that common - at least I hope not.

Drinks that are like a pill

Our brains are not designed to produce certain hormones naturally or, in some cases, they produce them under other circumstances. For things like that, we can take pills, develop strategies to help our brains produce hormones.

And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

Caffeine can be extremely relaxing for us because it can actually help our brains keep functioning, you know that stereotype of the highly coded ADHD character who drinks coffee like it's his life? Well, that's because.

You know what other beverage has a similar effect? Tea. Theine is also a natural activator, perhaps less aggressive than coffee, but it can have a similar effect.

If you're interested in describing this topic in fanfic or touching on it in fanart, tea should have a relaxing effect on Annabel and even help her concentrate.

Boredom

We get bored. A lot. And we get painfully bored. Here's what happens: boredom is caused by a lack of stimulation, and our brains aren't stimulated just because we can't regulate our attention to seek out that stimulation.

Add to that the fact that when we are bored, without dopamine hitting our receptors, our executive functions diminish and we function like shit.

Boredom

Is

Fucking

Murder

Because our brain starts desperately asking for dopamine and we can fall into really unhealthy behaviors like fighting, being chronically online, or eating because we can't find anything better to do. This also contributes -again- to our depression or anxiety.

Conclusions (and if I don't make the joke, I'll die)

In the book ADHD After Dark (a study of ADHD, relationships, and physical intimacy), Ari Tuckman draws some interesting conclusions, one of which is that on a statistical level, people with ADHD seem to be more likely to have what he calls "sexual eagerness": kinks, fetishes, a tendency to be adventurous in bed, and the like. Again, our brains love play, and both intimacy and flirtation can involve a lot of it.

So…

Um…

…well, I think Lenore will be happy. Good for her.

Anyway, this has been a seriously long explanation. Thanks for reading this far.

#nevermore webtoon #annabel lee nevermore #lenore nevermore #white raven #annabel lee whitlock #lenore vandernacht #annabel lee x lenore #lennabel #nevermore webcomic