#it shouldnt take too long. but no promises lol

[puhpandas]

Rabbit Burrow

(3,785 words) Part 1 (part 2 found here)

Tony Becker, one year after surviving the attack from GGY, tracks down Gregory post-SB. But he has to get through Vanessa before he can get to Gregory.

Tony likes to think his detective skills are pretty good. So when he swings a leg over the seat of his bike and wheels it near the entrance, he hopes it's the right place.

He'd tracked down Gregory to this apartment complex somewhere in Gale county. It's still in Hurricane, and Tony had been able to reach it with just a bus ride. The apartment is somewhat run-down, but clean enough to where you can tell it's well kept, just old. The air conditioning units he passes on the way to the front door are brand new.

He'd taken the closest bus to Gale county right after school let out. He'd been restless all day up until finally acting on his findings. Tony has been searching for Gregory for a year. Finally finding something and having to wait for his middle school day to end was agonizing. He just hopes his Mom and Grandma wont be too mad at him.

He'd wrestled his bike he'd ridden to school that day discreetly onto the bus and wedged it in-between his legs and the seat in front of him. The air had been humid and thick all day with the signs of a storm, and Tony had seen the dark clouds and heard the thunder peeking over the treeline outside the bus window on the way here. He ducks inside the front door and beats the rain by seconds.

"Can I help you?" The receptionist asks him, giving him a weird look when he steps inside. Shes a lady with long, styled black hair and covered in jewelry. Tony tries not to look too suspicious as he sends her a polite smile, heading to the elevator on the wall to the left. He would also be wary if someone he'd never seen walked into a resident building.

"Just seeing an old friend." He tells her. He presses the button to the third floor and tries to break her gaze by stepping behind the closing doors. The elevator shakes a bit before moving up.

He tries to take a deep breath. Theres some kind of excitement floating around in his chest at the fact that he's done it, but he pushes it down, lowering his expectations.

Despite his theories, he really has no clue what to expect. Theres some sort of worry mixing with the excitement, and all he decides is that if he escaped once, he can do it again.

It both took too long and not fast enough when he finally reaches the third floor. He double checks his crumpled sheet of notebook paper in his hand once, then a second time, something nervous but anticipating thrumming in his veins.

He steps onto the beige carpet of the long hallway, fresh vacuum marks in it, and follows the number plates by each door before coming to a stop near the middle of the hall.

3-05 The plate reads back to him. He quadruple checks his paper again. Its right.

He sighs out deeply, not even realizing he was holding his breath. Despite himself, his brows crease ever so slightly.

He shakes it away, pushing past it. Maybe digging too deep is what got him into trouble before, but its different now. Tony... Tony's learned things during his search for Gregorys location. If there was any point during his investigation that he would call digging too deep, it would have been months earlier from now.

Besides. Tony has always been bad at staving off his curiosity.

He thunks his knuckles on the white wood of the door quickly after that, three times in succession. He kind of bluescreens for a second when he realizes what he just did, then shakes it off. Waiting with wide eyes at the door, watching for a rattling of a doorknob or listening for incoming footsteps.

Nothing. He waits a few more minutes before knocking again, this time a little louder and harder.

Tony perks up when footsteps finally near the door, and his lips part prematurely when the doorknob rattles, not even put-together words yet on his tongue. They fall away immediately when a woman with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail opens the door, one of those chain locks keeping it open maximum of three inches. "Hello?"

He stutters for a moment, words lost on his tongue, before he clears his throat, putting on a polite smile. "Hi, there." He says. "Um. Who are you?"

"I should be asking you that, kid." The woman raises a brow at him, never opening the door more than the chain lock allows it. She peers at him through the gap, and Tony tries as discreetly as possible to look past her head and shoulder into the apartment itself. "What are you doing here?"

When he looks back, shes still looking at him in a way Tony can only describe as cautious. The light in the hallway on the ceiling is flickering, and it casts split second shadows on the womans face that makes the bags under her eyes that much more prominent and her face that much more intimidating. "Well?"

Tony realizes he hasnt answered, and coughs slighty. "Oh. Sorry." He says, reluctant to continue. "I'm... I'm looking for Gregory."

Tony watches intensely to see if the name rings a bell or catches her attention. Just as he expects, her face twists ever so slightly in recognition. Tony catches something adjacent to panic or fear in her eyes until it's gone not half a second later.

"Who's asking?" She asks eventually, voice carefully even after a what appeared to Tony to be a mini conundrum in her head.

"His friend." He answers honestly. He ducks his head when the woman scrutinizes him, looking almost angry, but restrained enough to not show it. "I mean it," He says earnestly. "he and I... we were best friends. Last year. I came here to look for him."

Her eyes widen ever so slightly at that, and she studies him, eyes flicking back and forth over his face and his clothes and his hair. Tony doesnt miss the way her eyes linger for a millisecond on his scars. Its silent in the hall save for the two looking at eachother, and the buzzing of the flickering light on the ceiling is enough to save him from hearing his own heartbeat.

"Okay." She says eventually, and Tony subconsciously feels himself sag a bit at the relief that he won't turned away right as he was this close. She shuts the door without a word, and all Tony can do is stare at the peeling landlord white paint on the door as the sounds of the woman unlatching the multiple locks on the other side reach his ears. He waits patiently, until she cracks the door open not much wider than it had been with the lock, but just enough to fit his body in. "Come in. But no word to anyone. Got it?"

About what? Tony's about to ask, but then he steps through the door and the words die on his tongue.

"Oh." He says outwardly when Glamrock Freddy Fazbear sits on the couch. His body is adjacent to the patchwork quilt Tony has on his bed that his Grandma made him, and any of the makeup he had been painted with has long since scratched off.

His eyes are shut, and theres two jump cables attached to his ears that are plugged into a portable something. He doesn't so much as twitch when Tony enters the room.

The woman gives him a look after she re-locks only the deadbolt behind him and passes him into the apartment. "Oh." He repeats. "Not a word."

She nods at him, and it's only now that Tony can see the rest of her that isnt just her face. Shes in her twenties, if he had to guess, and she has a white tank top on with some sort of stain near the collar along with Hello Kitty fleece pajama pants. Her socks are mismatched and her nails are painted a purple color that could rival the deep bags under her eyes.

She collapses into an armchair (which hes pretty sure has a mismatched leg attached to it half-hazardously) and only looks at him silently as he steps further into the house, not so discreetly angling his body to get a peek past walls and open doors across the house.

Shes about to speak when Tony does first, "Wheres Greg?" He asks straight up. "Can I see him?"

Her lips twitch, and she just leans further back into the chair. The TV is playing some sort of Spring baking show, and the droning of the host mixes with the pattering of the rain on the window on the wall by the TV.

Anticipation and impatient-ness buzzes under his skin at being right here, and this woman undoubtedly knowing Gregory certainly doesnt help.

She only hesitates for a moment, but Tony can see the influx of thoughts that undoubtedly ran through her mind. She opens her mouth, taking a slow breath, before, "At school."

"He goes to school?" Tony gasps slightly, eyes widening. He moves to the couch, toeing past Freddy Fazbear as to not touch him even with just a brush of his jeans before sitting down, facing her. "What school?"

"He goes to Raindrop." The woman tells him, seemingly not hesitating this time.

It doesn't ring a bell, but it must be a middle school in Gale county. "...I go to Hailstorm." Tony says. "We both did. Or used to."

She stares at him after that, fingers drumming on the arm of her chair. She says nothing, just scrutinizing him, before, "You sure have a lot of cryptic ways of telling me how you used to know Gregory."

He wants to apologize, because it seems like what to do in response to that statement, but for some reason, that feeling in his gut he's learned to trust as his Detective sense tells him that he shouldn't.

Shes still looking at him intensely, and the rain outside pattering on the window somehow feels louder. There's some thunder outside that rumbles the floor, and the lighting casts a shadow on the living room. A few white lines across the coffee table caused by the blinds covering the window.

Her face doesnt so much as twitch, he notices, and she doesn't blink when she looks at him. Her green eyes bore into him, almost glowing in the shadow cast beneath her bangs. It reminds him of how he'd done to her not minutes ago. What he does to people he wants to analyze. To see how they react to something.

That's what shes waiting for, he realizes. He has a feeling that if he doesnt match her cryptic bluntness and instead apologizes and caves that easily, that it will somehow result in her turning him away.

Theres a glint in her eye when he becomes aware of reality again enough to look, and he thinks she somehow just came to the conclusion that Tony figured it out.

Then, he tries to sit up a bit straighter, and muster up that same glint mirroring back at him. "You sure have a cryptic way of letting me know you dont trust me."

Her mouth twitches slightly, but its all Tony needs to know he'd guessed correctly.

Its silent for a moment, and the woman grabs the remote on the next arm over and pauses the baking show she'd been watching. She shifts in the red velvet seat, as if getting comfortable, before, "Tell me how you know Gregory, and I'll tell you how I know him."

He has a feeling he isnt getting to Gregory unless he gets through this woman first, so he clears his throat, leaning his forearms on his knees.

"Me and Gregory met early last year at the beginning of the school year." He begins. "Right after summer ended in August. He was the new kid, and he sat at our table at lunch since it was mostly empty. Me and my friend arent the most popular, so there was room to spare."

She waves a hand, signaling him to stop. "Your friend?" She asks. He nods. "How many of there were you?"

"...Just me and E-- my friend." He says. "There were two of us, and when Greg sat at our table, we remembered how he looked a little lost earlier in class and we introduced ourselves. Then we just... clicked, I guess. He would partner with us in creative writing."

"Writing, huh?" She smiles slightly.

"Yeah." He replies. "Then, it was just business as usual for the months afterwards." He pauses, fidgeting with the hem of his jacket he loves so much that reminds him of the trenchcoats big city investigators wear. "Then... I had gotten wrapped up in this mystery."

She shifts, crossing a leg over the over and holding her hands together. "A mystery?"

Tony nods, remembering it like it was yesterday. He thumbs the part of arm where a scar is on his arm that his jacket covers. "The three of us would always go to the arcade in the Pizzaplex." He tells her. "And one day, I noticed high scores that seemed impossible to reach, and I became obsessed with solving who it was who had gotten there."

Tony thinks hes very good at reading people. So he doesn't think it's just his imagination when the woman in front of him goes a little rigid in her seat.

Theres some sort of creases under her eyes, Tony notices, that weren't there before.

"What did you do?" She asks.

Tony has a feeling that she somehow knows already. So he doesnt beat around the bush.

"I solved the mystery, eventually." Tony says. "Because GGY had been Gregory, and he'd invited me to the Pizzaplex and tried to kill me."

She sags a bit, looking somehow infinitely more tired, but no surprise detected. "But you survived."

"Not..." He shakes his head, picking at the skin by his fingernails. "I wouldn't have. If not for Greg saving me."

"Huh?"

"He--" Tony searches for the words, looking at the carpet between his knees and remembering that afternoon in every vivid detail he'd looked over countless times before. "He'd tried to kill me, yeah, but... he was almost fighting himself as he did it. He was like having a fistfight with himself."

He doesn't look up at her, he just keeps remembering how Gregory had gone rigid right before plunging the knife into Tony's gut a second time and stopped himself. How it had looked like somebody yanked Gregory backwards, but it had been his own self throwing his body. Just so he didnt hurt Tony again.

"He looked like he was a malfunctioning robot." He recalls. "He was like, hitting himself, and was making noises like he was fighting something. I was too frozen to move at the time, but then he threw me a really high security pass for the Pizzaplex and told me to run."

Then he had collapsed in front of him, like he was holding himself down. He doesn't tell the woman, though.

He looks back up to see her staring, eyes wide in suprise. She looks deep in thought for all but a few moments before shaking herself out of it. "So what did you do?"

"I ran." Tony says. "He had got me already. He stabbed me in the back, the first time. That was how I knew he was attacking me in the first place. But I ran away with the pass, and I went to a room with a ton of monitors and erased the security footage."

Her eyes blow wide as saucers, that time. "You got stabbed," she begins. "and instead of getting help, you erase the security footage?"

"Yeah." Tony nods. "Greg would have gotten in trouble if I didnt."

She's silent, after that. Tony just keeps picking at the skin on his fingers. "I somehow knew that Gregory didnt deserve to be. He just..." Tony trails off. "He didnt seem..."

"Seem like himself?" She suddenly cuts in, and Tony's eyes widen.

He nods, a small tilt of his head, and the woman sighs. "That's what being mind controlled will do to you."

A year ago, probably longer by now, Tony would have never believed that. He would have never thought something so outlandish that is only ever shown in fiction could be a possibility.

Not that he was wrong, to. Really, anyone in their right mind wouldnt think so. But things have changed since then.

And Tony has seen a lot of things during his search that probably nobody else has. Plus, This woman has been so cryptic up to this point. If she told him this straight up, and it's clear that she knows Gregory...

Suddenly, everything that day seems to make perfect sense. And everything he'd found that he'd filed away into his little mental Gregory crazy wall.

(He'd used to call it evidence wall, like normal people do. But, well, at some point, maybe Tony had thought the things he'd been finding were a bit too crazy to deem as normal.)

Theres been a stretch of silence while Tony had been taking that in, and he only breaks it to say, "Is mind control a topic you're familiar with in this house?"

Her eye twitches, a bit. And now that Tony is looking for it, he notices that same strange sheen on her eyes that Gregory had during their friendship. That weird red tinted film that makes their eyes turn a completely different color when the light hits them right.

Tony doesnt yet understand how the mind control Gregory had been under works, but all he can hope is that there are some side effects.

She stares at him, eyes narrow, and theres another roar of thunder outside the window.

"Who are you?"

"Tony." He answers. "Tony Becker. Ring a bell?"

She hums, and she looks at him in a way where he feels like he's being dissected.

"He didnt remember anything for a while." She says eventually. "But hes been having dreams, lately. Sometimes he talks about two kids he used to be friends with."

"Me and Ellis." Tony's eyes widen. It doesn't even occur to him that he shouldn't share Ellis's name.

"He worries about you." She says. "I've heard him say he hopes you're okay. You and that other kid. You must have been close if he remembers being that good of friends with the two of you."

"We were." Tony replies. Memories of him, Ellis, and Greg going to the Pizzaplex and trying to get the most dunks in the basketball hoops flash in his mind. He thinks about when Gregory would come over to Tony's little run down house that he shares with his Grandma, and they write graphic novels together for the fun of it.

Gregory liked to call them comics before he'd suddenly decided that stuff wasnt cool anymore and stopped coming over. It had been like everything Tony saw him enjoy that wasnt painfully average for a child suddenly didn't mean anything to him anymore.

And then Gregory tried to kill him in a dusty back room.

Everything hed given up seems to make more sense now. It wasnt willingly at all.

"He doesn't remember your names." She speaks up suddenly, ripping Tony out of his thoughts. "But he remembers more and more every time he has a dream. Something reminded him of you one day, I guess. That must have been when it started."

Tony opens his mouth, but the beeping of a digital clock interrupts him. He follows the womans arm as it reaches across the seat to turn it off.

The time reads 5:00pm.

He watches as she looks over at him, and nods to the door. "After school activity." She informs him, getting up out of the seat. His eyes follow her as she moves towards the front door. "I'm his ride."

Tony's eyes widen at the implications. "So I just--"

"Stay here." She tells him. She grabs a flannel off of the small coat rack by the front door and slips it on, sliding some Adidas sandals on top of her socks and reaching in the pocket of the coat to grab car keys. She pulls them out, and Tony notices that theres a keychain of a white rabbit dangling from the key ring.

The breath is suddenly stolen from his lungs, and he bolts off of the couch, a buzzing under his skin. "You're bringing him?"

She nods to Freddy Fazbear. "If you can wait." She smiles at him, and it's the first time Tony has seen her smile, instead of the carefully kept nonchalant-ness. "He'll wake up pretty soon once he's done charging. So you won't be completely alone."

Tony doesnt know what to say to that. Thousands of words spawned from the thousands of thoughts hes had about finding and tracking down Gregory are on the tip of his tongue, but he only gets any out when the woman begins to leave the house.

"Wait!" Tony reaches out a hand. She turns around, a brow raised. The door is still slightly ajar, and the sound of heavy rain reaches his ears. "What's your name?"

She smiles a bit at the question. "Vanessa."

"Vanessa," He asks, oddly desperate. "Dont tell him I'm here." He swallows. "I want to see him remember me."

Vanessa tilts her head, but nods after a moment. "Sure, kid."

She smiles one last time on her way out, and says, "Tony Becker."

The sound of the rain outside disperses when the door shuts and locks, and Tony doesnt move for a long while. He just stares at the landlord white door, electricity under his skin and something floaty in his stomach.

Greg. He thinks in his mind when he finally rips himself away and looks around some more, seeing a door propped slightly open down the hall with a bed and a desk with pencils and paper strewn all about. He doesn't dare go in, but stares at what he can see. Its been a while.

The silence is numbing, when he can only hear the faint whirring of Freddy Fazbear on the couch next to him and the rain on the window, he plants himself on the couch cushion next to the animatronic, grabbing the remote and resuming the baking show Vanessa had been watching.

He doesn't listen to a word. He just trembles with anticipation and bobs his leg up and down as he stares at a random corner of the screen.

ao3 link

#i had a lot of fun with this one. if you need help understanding the strange interactions between tony and vanessa #its supposed to be a right of passage i guess. vanessa doesnt want anybody else to get involved #or to drag back any of the vanny & ggy stuff. #not if theyre not serious. so if tony had apologized #it would have shown vanessa that she shouldnt humor him and to just turn him away so he doesnt get involved #because he'd just be a scared kid looking for his friend. #but tony matching her and showing that he understood the test and is still serious about it #& he also matches with gregorys descriptions #shes like alright you can know. #theres meant to be a part 2 to this little oneshot thing where gregory and tony actually reunite #but i still need to plan it out. ive been obsessed with detective rabbit reuniting for a bit now and wanting to write it so #it shouldnt take too long. but no promises lol #just wanted to write tony and experiment with something new and this happened :) it was fun #my fics #pandas writes #tony becker #fnaf gregory #detective rabbit #ggy #tales from the pizzaplex #twoshot #gregory #tony #ellis #vanessa #3 star fam #freddy #also rabbit burrow is a reference to the saying rabbit hole #but i made it burrow because like tony said #he crossed the line a long time ago

[aikapwq]

please dont leave.

modern!xiao x gn reader (no specified pronouns)

warnings ; a lil bit of swearing, angsty

today, your boyfriend, xiao, was out playing with his friends. you didnt really have a good mood. it isnt because of your boyfriend or anything — it was because of one of your so called "friend". you've posted on your whatsapp status that you dont want anyone disturbing you because of your bad mood today — and that "friend" kept bugging you trying to figure out what happened and what caused your bad mood.

" y/n, tell me what happened! tell me! or you dont wanna tell me because.. maybe i am the problem? " they asked.

" can you not? im rly trying to calm down rn and youre literally making it worse. " you replied with slight anger

" cmon, just tell me. it wont hurt! " they replied in confusion.

" i literally js told you i dont wanna share anything. do you not fucking understand? just shut the fuck up already. please stop talking to me. " you replied in complete anger. what the fuck is her problem???

after that they finally stopped disturbing you. you felt relieved, but — you have an active channel in telegram where you update everything in your life, the channel's only for your internet friends that are on tele. you were literally so mad you typed angrily,

" why the fuck are they so annoying?? ive already told them to stop talking to me because im already in a bad mood and they wont fucking leave me alone. fucks sake why cant they understand someone isnt comfortable to share their problems out of force. "

you typed a few more paragraphs then finally stopped and turned off your phone. you wanted to get some rest until—

beep! you have received a notification from: "lover 🤍"

"oh, a text from him! lemme see what he said." you thought. you opened your phone to see a long paragraph from him. you wondered - why the sudden long paragraph? and read it, it said,

" hey— um, y/n. i saw your message in the channel, is that directed to me? im sorry if i annoy you too much. i didnt know you were in a bad mood, i shouldnt have talked to you. ill give you some space. but um, yeah. take care of yourself, im coming back late at night. dont stay up too late. goodnight. "

you were shocked. wait— those messages arent even directed to him! why did he think of that in the first place?! there, you were shaking and crying, trying to text him with a blurry vision because of the tears,

" wait— xiao wait— xiao please dont leave me. xiao, xiao please answer. xiao- xiao please dont leave. please, please dont leave. pick up. please just respond i need you! "

you were quite surprised no typos were made despite your blurry vision, but that wasnt the point — today was tbe day your mood wasnt good, and you ruined your own boyfriend's mood because of your vent texts. god you fucked up so bad because today was the day you needed him so bad and yet, you ruined his day too.

xiaos pov;

65 unread texts, 2 missed calls. god, who was spamming me this bad? ill check later.

around 20 minutes later he finally opened his phone to 78 missed texts, 4 missed calls from " 我的爱 🦋" jeez. what do they even want from me?

as i read her texts, i realised she was kinda getting on my nerves.

" xiao?? xiao, xiao please just answer me— " were the only texts i read. too lazy to read the rest. i respond,

" what? "

your pov:

" oh hes online, finally. " you said quietly.

" what? " was the only text you received. did— did he not care anymore?..

" xiao, please just scroll above. i explained everything. i just— nvm just, please look at those messages.. i understand if you need some space and dont wanna talk to me rn. when you come home, sleep on the bed, dont carry me on the bed or smth, im sleeping outside lol. have fun wit your friends. night, im going to sleep. "

you knew damn well you werent. youre overly attached, so when every single minute passes by, you check your phone to see if youve gotten any texts from him. unfortunately there wasnt anything from him. well, youve promised to give space to him anyway. its practically pointless now knowing he wont respond. you should probably just cry to sleep. maybe things will get better tomorrow.

:: a/n — hiii i felt abit angsty today so i um kinda tried writing angst wirh my creativity ig. some of these things are based on true events lolol. oh, thanks for the attention on my Xiao hcs btw ^^ love yall ❤️ please consider reblogging/ liking this post if you like it! follow me too btw :") okiess bye !!

#xiao x reader #xiao angst #genshin impact #fanfics #gaming #Spotify

[b1mbodoll]

oh goood how annoying these ppl are lmfao but ive gotta say that i also use „” a lot because it just is right grammatically and it helps understand the sentence more so i guess we shouldnt judge what we dont know AND THIS GOES TO THAT ANON TOO (but i’ve gotta also add that i dont believe these are the same people? idk they write differently(?)) btw don’t concern yourself about such people lol and remember: it’s just the internet, these are strangers, and while being active in the socials you should be prepared for such anons to come! but again, they have not the right to talk bad about you (and i may also add (yes i’m kind off judging again) that they probably don’t know the meaning of „pick me” as i didn’t know it as well for a long time and i thought it was something like acting like oveeeeerrrrlyyyy cute in front of the boys.. but now i’ve educated myself on that topic and know better!) idk where i’m going with this ask but i love you gabi even if you don’t know me:( i’m interacting with your blog for the first time and i’m a bit nervous because i’ve never sent an ask in my life and i’m so scared to send it:(( but yes okay i love you<3

(it took me a whole 7 minutes to prepare myself for sending this ask)

hihi anonie 💌 thank u for sending in such a sweet message and please please please !!! do not be afraid to interact more :( my inbox is always open n i love talkin to u guys ! i promise i’ll reply as soon as i can <3 i’m sorry for replyin a lil late but i was just overwhelmed n wanted to actually take the time to reply which is why i held onto this for a little while, so i hope u can forgive me !!!

ur right that with the internet comes mean people but that doesnt make it ok :( its not right to come onto the account of people u dislike or dont know just to be mean and make others feels bad but agh idk i blocked ‘em from sending asks so :] its whatever ! and for the pick me thing, whether or not they knew the meaning it was still unecessary for it to be sent it especially considering the fact that they dont know me. but thank u for the support and the kind words ! ur a doll <3

i love u too honey and im happy you sent this in! again, pls dont be nervous to interact !!!! and im honored to be the first receiver of ur first ask!!!! take care of urself always 💌

#♡.signed. sealed. delivered.

[f1nalboys]

Anon asked:

Hi I was wondering if you could do headcannons for the slashers finding child reader and seeing some marks on their bodies that means they've been abused by their guardian or parent? And maybe slashers being the reader's new guardian and parent? You can add fluff in this if you like.

Hi, thank you sm for the request! I had such a good time writing this lol, just imagining some of them as parents was *chefs kiss* I hope you enjoy this! (And, if you or anyone reading this is dealing with abuse, please call or text the hotline * and remember you are strong, brave, and do not deserve what is happening. <3 )

*This hoteline is only for the U.S states and Canada, but please don’t be afraid to search up the hotline for where you are or to tell someone you trust!

WARNINGS: implication of abuse

MICHAEL (RZ)

‘What is this gremlin and why are they around me?’

Honestly would be treating you like a pest as a first instinct, he doesn't really get why you're around him in the first place like where are your parents…

I mean once he loses you he's gonna follow you around because he needs to know who you belong to lol 

During his little stalking hours he starts to recognise his own behavior that he exhibited in his childhood to yours and he gets this sick feeling in his stomach

When he sees your guardian he is immediately filled with rage because he knows exactly why you're doing the things you were

He is killing whoever it is that very night he doesnt care whos around of the chances of him being caught

There’s a 50/50 chance of him taking you in himself. I really think it’ll depend on your age and how you act, you know? Michael isn’t going to want to or be able to take care of a toddler or kid in a way he sees fit so he's just going to drop you off at a neighbors house 

Now if you’re older and more reserved/independent he might be more willing to watch over you but I still think it would be really hard for him to do so

As long as you’re in Haddonfield though he’ll be checking in on you and just making sure you're alright and safe

Boogieman got your back basically

Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

‘Why is this unattended child out at night and why are they hanging out around us?’

They’re psychopaths not assholes, they’re gonna try and help you lol

They’re surprisingly good with kids, especially Stu, so you’re immediately comfortable around them

Billy is the first to notice your behavior and any bruises and immediately connects the dots. He’s had his fair share of bruises and knows exactly how you got them

Once he starts asking questions, Stu will catch on and get just as mad as Billy, if not more so.

They both have already come to the same conclusion: whoever did it to you is not going to be surviving the night

Take you to Stu’s parents house (who welcome you with open arms and doted on you) and leave for an ‘errand’

Gone for a few hours and when they come back (they made sure to stop and get you some snacks) they let you know that you're safe now

When they take you to the police station in the morning they promise to make sure you’re alright and Stus parents offer to foster you (they’re going to adopt you don’t worry)

Big brother Stu and Uncle Billy :,)

Thomas Hewitt

Personally I think they have a strict no children policy (they’ll kill them if need be but they try to make sure it never comes to that) but Tommy and Luda Mae are very strict enforcers of this rule because if Hoyt had his way it wouldn’t matter what age you were; food is food

The moment Thomas sees you being hurt in any capacity he is going straight to his mother to tell her and lets just say Luda Mae is pissed

Thomas becomes a protective older brother to you, Luda Mae is acting like your mom, and Hoyts your weird Uncle but Tommy make sure he isn’t too harsh on you lol

Your abuser is staying alive until Thomas knows exactly what they did to you because he’s going to return it tenfold

Hoyt would bug you about getting revenge but Tommy really wouldn't want you to do so because you’re a kid, you shouldnt be exposed to that sort of thing (he knows eventually you’ll have to learn about the family business but he wants to stop that from happening for as long as possible)

If you say you want to, though, he’ll be with you every step of the way

He is going to teach you sign language you don’t know it because he wants to talk to you and let you know everything is alright now

Found family at its core babey

Sinclair Brothers

Lesters the first one who notices. He saw what happened with Bo growing up and seeing how you were acting when you were in the car, shrinking into yourself, he got angry

And when Lester is angry, he is angry… the man is hard to piss off so when Bo sees him pull into town with you in there and sees his face he knows something happened

God, speaking of Bo, he was furious. It took so much willpower to not kill your abuser right then and there

Bo is good with kids, i don't care what anyone says, he’s cracking jokes and letting them look at the car’s engine with him, stuff like that

Made sure you didn’t see or hear what happened with your abuser but will introduce you to Vincent (who might be more inclined to show you his face if you think his mask is scary) and he lets Vincent know that these people aren’t to become statues under any circumstance

He tells you the people you were with left and that they apologized for what they did and he doesn’t think you believe him but you seemed so relieved he didn’t want to tell you the truth

Most likely to take you to the next town over to the police station to get you somewhere safe because he and Vincent agreed that it wouldn't be safe for you in Ambrose

But if you begged enough to stay Vincent would convince Bo that it’d be alright

No matter how much Bo grumbles about you being there, eating him out of house and home, he’s actually pretty happy you're around because he can be a father figure to you (even if it scares him half to death)

Vincent will teach you how to sculpt (obviously not with humans, maybe when you're older if they ever tell you (or when you inevitably find out))

Cool Uncle Lester teaches you about bones and lets you ride around in the truck with him

Jason Voorhees

Witnesses it during his daily rounds around the camp  and neither he (or Mrs. Voorhees) is happy

Kills them then and there; there is 0 hesitation, he lowkey forgets you're even there and that you’re witnessing it 

When he notices you he feels so bad and actually feels worse when you seem to be happy they’re gone

Is afraid you're going to be scared of him because all he wanted to do was protect you but he’ll try and explain to you through sign language or through writing into the dirt with a stick

Actually wants you to stay in the camp with him so he can watch over you but has no hard feelings about you going back to civilization (he doesn’t even know how he’d be as a father)

Obviously he can't go and drop you off somewhere because he’s literally s zombie lol but he will go as far as he can to make sure you get somewhere safely

Worries about you even weeks after you’ve left, like how are you doing? Are you with someone trustworthy? Do you remember him?

If you stay, however, he is gonna be the best god damn dad ever, if not a bit overprotective

You’re not allowed to leave the designated area he’s ropped off outside of the cabin because god forbid some campers stumble across you

Tiffany Valentine

We all know my wife has no qualms about killing kids but she’s way too sympathetic once she figures out what's going on with you

Meet your new goth mom! She’s great!

She is the most qualified out of all of the slashers to take care of a kid regardless of the age (I mean, remember Glen/Glenda and how accepting she was? How much she cares for her kid?)

She’s killing your abuser without a single care in the world, she’s not wasting any time either. She lets you know you’re safe with her and that nothing will ever hurt you again

Get ready to be pampered; she is treating you to everything you could ever want. You won’t be spoiled, of course, but you’re going to be comfortable

You will be the most well-adjusted kid being taken care of by a slasher (maybe losing to Billy and Stu but that’s just because of Stu’s parents) so congrats for that!

#slashers #slasher headcanons #child!reader #jason voorhees #michael myers #billy loomis #stu macher #tiffany valentine #bo sinclair #lester sinclair #vincent sinclair #found family lets go #horror movies #horror movie villians #s1mping4slashers works #s1mping4slashers writing #s1mping4slashers masterlist #anon req

[flowerslightning]

Have you heard about PFA and MFA?

or the full name is ‘Psychological First Aid’ (PFA) and ‘Mental Health First Aid’ (MFA)

Can we relate it with Cloud Strife? As we all know, Cloud had mental illness and was struggling alone. Let’s take a quick look on this topic then and see if characters in FF7 ever give PFA/MFA to Cloud or to each other. This is going to be a looooong post although I tried to simplified it, so, yeah. Good luck reading this !

Disclaimer : I’m not a psychologist. I’m still a student and psych is not my major field. During my intern, other than we got exposed a lot about psychiatric disorders and ways to deal with them, we also got trained psychological first aid in emergency department. If it wasnt because of this quarantine, i would have finished my training in emergency field. There might be false interpretation here or there, forgive me for that and pls correct any mistake in this post

This will probably trigger LTD. Sorry, but I had to, Pls read this post with open mind. Keep in mind I like both Tifa and Aerith, i have no grudges agaisnt Barret, Vincent, Nanaki or Cid so I am not being bias with any of them. I forgot a lot of stuff in OG (I played it when I was really really small), so I will be using lots FF7R and AC references here (and a bit from OG, depends whatever I remember)

Good to go? Allow me to rant. Read it slowly and if u skip some of it, u’ll probably mislead my actual words, and u’ll be triggered af. Don’t come at me with madness if u dont read the whole post properly

What is PFA and MFA? Generally speaking, if Basic First Aid is about covering the wound to prevent further bleeding, then PFA (Psychological First Aid) and MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is like applying a bandage on ur mental to avoid u continue being distress. 

Usually, PFA is often associated with disaster event or terrorism, where large number of people got affected. Meanwhile, MFA focus in one person who is developing mental health prob or already in mental crisis due to certain traumas, such as vehicle accident, house burned and etc

 Pls note that, certain people NEED MFA while the others may NOT NEED it. It is important to respect their needs/wants. Some victims may refuse verbally but they ACTUALLY NEED it (CLOUD STRIFE) and maybe some victims look like they dont need it, but they want it, and its super fine to give it

PFA/MFA not only done by the professionals and it is not a professional counselling, although necessarily training is needed if u want to approach deeper in this field. PFA/MFA is also not a psychological ‘debriefing’ - in which MFA/PFA doesnt need to involve a detailed discussion of the trauma event with the victim, but instead, it is an alternative way to psychological debriefing that helps for long-term recovery. (unless if ure a pscyhiatrist, then u have to forget about MFA and ask detailed questions regarding the events to help the patient to recover)

MFA and PFA both almost the same, but I will mention more about MFA here.

MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is not just about comforting “Oh, are u alright. I’m sorry for what u’ve been through”, but it is also about assessing their needs and concerns, protecting them from harm, provide practical support and support them feeling able to help themselves and others.

The main key for these two term is RESPECT - respect victim’s dignity, respect both parties safety and respect victim’s rights to make decision. Even without the PFA, we should respect these three in whatever circumstance we are in. 

A lot of us honestly were born with natural skill of MFA bcause of our own empathy, instinct or experiences and some got trained professionally. Some of them already had MFA due to high common senses they have.  

Some of the Do’s and Dont’s when giving MFA include;

Do’s : 1. Be trustworthy | 2. Respect their decision | 3. Be aware of and set aside ur bias | 4. Make it clear to them u are available for help even they push u away | 5. Respect their privacy and personal space | 6. Do remain calm and soft when the person in distress | 7. Listen and don’t interrupt their talking | 8. Help in terms of basic needs | 9. Create connection the person with others | 10. Give hope to them | 11. Provide private place to talk about the event | 12. Respect their strenght | 13. Advice small necessary matters or give simple words of encouragement | 14. Acknowledge positive features of what victims have done

Dont’s : 1. Rush in whatever the thing theyre doing with u | 2. Be dismissive | 3. Make promises u know can’t keep | 3. Ask anything in return for helping them | 4. Exaggerate ur skills | 5. Force help on people, being pushy | 6. Pressure them to tell their story | 7. Judge that person | 8. Put the person in risk of harm as result of ur actions | 8. Force them to accept ur idea/Listening to ur rant | 9. Talk rough | 10. Being bias with the people | 11. Touching that person too much | 12. Talk with the person in negative terms | 13. Abandon the person’s feeling

To simplify, there are 3 ways for MFA to begin, and I will only talk about one of them, the one that is the hardest to do, that is when u notice someone looks distressed and ure concern about them, and leading u to approach them first without them noticing ur concern. [Am I putting the right words here?]

In Cloud’s case, who do u think the first noticed Cloud behaved oddly and went to help him first ? - yeah Tifa. U probably would say “OFC she went to help him, she met him first at the train station. That guy looked sick af, who wouldnt ask if he was alright. If Aerith/Yuffie/Jessie met him first, they would do the same”. Okay guys, that was not my point. 

Let’s focus one by one characters and see what Do’s and Dont’s MFA (Mental Health First Aid) they’ve done to Cloud and other charas. Keep in mind, none of them know what Cloud had gone through, but Cloud had showed some obvious sign he was unwell and only a few of them noticed that and took action for it. 

The symbol [X] means the Dont’s in MFA and ( ✔) means the Do’s in MFA.

Biggs Jessie Wedge -

I know there’s a thing about man helping man’s psychology and Jessie being flirty with a guy.They [X] thought Cloud was like how they saw Cloud. and they considered it as normal. They didnt see Cloud under distress so they dont have the need to concern his mental status. The good thing about them was, the three of them (✔) respect Cloud’s strenght, giving Cloud the confident to be in action. But, Jessie [X] had zero respect on Cloud’s personal space

I wanna highlight about Biggs. Biggs had an attitude of overthinking stuff, but it wasnt so bad that would cause him harm, he just cared too much about his friends. So I believe Biggs was the type that would notice immediately when his friend being strange and would give MFA (Mental Health First Aid) with his own instinct even without the person asking it.

During the Sector 7 Plate attack, where Biggs was severely injured, when Cloud said he was not a fan of kids and Biggs said Cloud had so much in common (in common of what? Cloud with the kids or Cloud with him?), Cloud gave him ‘a sad look’ and Biggs reached out his hand to Cloud’s head. Biggs (✔) remain calm and soft when dealing with Cloud’s feeling (who faced traumatic event but Biggs didnt know about it) on that moment despite his current physical status. And also he (✔) wished goodluck to Cloud, leading to prevention distress on Cloud

Marle -

Marle [X] judged Cloud for someone who had no skills, but she entrusted Cloud to take care of Tifa’s well being. Not knowing who Cloud was, Marle noticed Cloud looked glum, she (✔) offered her ear for Cloud to rant and knew right away he was not having enough sleep, then (✔) advising him to sleep more . Lol, she was [X] biased with Cloud and Tifa. Not her fault, she only knew Tifa’s story, not Cloud’s. After the Sector 7 plate fall, we saw her being the most active member to help with the remaining citizens there. Marle without a doubt had given the citizens there PFA (Psychological First Aid) , by helping them with their (✔) basic needs, (✔) create connections, (✔) put away bias, (✔) remain calm and soft. 

Barret Wallace -

Barret was the same like Biggs Jessie Wedge. I’m sure Barret thought Cloud was just fine. Barret saw Cloud as a mercenary with stinky attitude,[X] judging him like that causing Barret to gave him the same attitude too. But overall, he (✔) respected Cloud’s strength a lot

However, after the Sector 7 plate fall, Tifa and Barret were the one that hurt (mentally) the most, Tifa as usual locking her emotions, there we could see how Barret comforting Tifa by (✔) giving words of encouragement and proceed on (✔) hugging her to show his empathy. Barret also (✔) remain calm and soft spoken when talking to the survival victims of Sector 7 citizens. He also (✔) acknowledged what the citizens had done to survive

Vincent Valentine - 

Don’t be surprise Vincent was listed here. This guy here was like another version of Cloud but more mature. In addiction, they both kinda share the same pain. So, I personally think Vincent understands Cloud pretty well. In AC, where Cloud was mentally ill, Vincent saved Cloud from Kadaj and brothers and (✔) took him to safer place. That was a common thing to do. But let’s go deeper, Cloud never told him about himself, but Vincent already  (✔) aware of Cloud’s trouble with the geostigma stuff and Cloud’s current mental status. Vincent, (✔) calm and soft like always (✔) didnt hesitate to asked if all of these were just about ‘fighting’ and it made Cloud to ‘re-think’ further about his problem. He (✔) didnt pressure Cloud here, instead he was (✔) helping Cloud to understand the condition he was facing, and this lead Cloud to avoid distress.

Aerith Gainsborough -

I know Aerith was special. She was an important character and devs created her to be ‘loved’ by the fans so that her death would be tragic. Aerith did almost all the things that shouldnt be done when giving MFA to mentally ill person. Some of u may say “Duh, Aerith didnt know anything about Cloud thus she had no intentions of giving him MFA”. Yup, ure right. Aerith didnt know about Cloud’s mental status but so as all the other characters in the series. 

Aerith was [X] being pushy with Cloud, in lots of ways, from making him as a bodyguard for free to forcing him to wear a dress. She [X] forced Cloud to accept her idea about meeting Andrea, dance and gown. She also [X] forced Cloud to help picking the flowers. Aerith [X] didn’t let Cloud to have his own decision [X] neither giving him a chance to talk,  and [X] abandon his feelings (cough..uhm, Aerith resolution). She also had [X] no respect on Cloud’s personal space and [X] too much touching and leaning to him. Aerith also [X] put herself in danger and that worried Cloud.  She [X] looked down on Cloud in someways too

However, at the Sector 5 slum, where the hooded man appeared, Aerith noticed Cloud was having trouble with himself, she (✔) encouraged Cloud to keep himself together. Also, throughout the entire game, Aerith always remind the team to (✔) have hope in everything. Her positive vibrant attitude was what (✔) made everyone able to believe in themselves. She also (✔) ensure Marlene’s safety and protected her. She was able to (✔) remain soft and calm when approaching Marlene. Remember Betty? Aerith took her time to helped her out and she even (✔) respected the little girl’s strength, (✔)slow and steady when saving her and (✔)soft spoken

Tifa Lockhart -

Tifa met Cloud at the train station, saw him being ‘not-so-fine’ state despite Cloud claiming he was completely okay. Tifa didn’t know what Cloud had gone through and  she (✔) didn’t pressure him to talk about it. She even helped him to (✔) find a place to sleep even when Cloud never asked for it. Tifa unconsciously was the first person to give Cloud MFA without knowing what Cloud had faced previously. And Cloud, on that moment, he really needed a help. Tifa also (✔) stated that if Cloud need anything, she would help him with it

Tifa (✔) remain calm everytime Cloud had sudden headache, she didn’t leave him alone and (✔) didnt put any pressure on him by asking question. During the (✔) Alone At Last, they had privacy Tifa asked about what happened after he left Nibelheim. She (✔) listened and didnt interrupt him, (✔) neither pushing him to talk more. Moreover, Tifa (✔) put a distance with Cloud, dunno if she was the one who was being uncomfortable or she actually (✔) respect Cloud’s personal space and privacy. Tifa (✔) didn’t force him to stay at Midgar, she asked him and was glad Cloud would stay for a while. Tifa was no doubt (✔) respect all Cloud’s decisions too. Also, don’t forget, Tifa also helped Cloud to help (✔) make ‘close connection’ with the Avalanche members and people in Sector 7 slums. She also (✔) didn’t do much touching with Cloud (Well, I mean, she didnt touch him in clingy way)

In AC, Tifa (✔) encouraged Cloud to have hope for Geostigma and the family

Tifa did [X] put herself in danger by becoming Corneos bride participant and that gave Cloud trouble (but Tifa ensured him she would be fine on her own previously) And btw, in OG, I read about the fans questioning why Tifa [X] didnt tell Cloud the truth. I would like to argue this matter. TIFA IS A CHARACTER WITH REAL HUMAN FLAWS, she too had her own traumatic event and was not really sure of herself on what to do. However, considering what Tifa had done for him, Tifa had helped with Cloud’s psychology the most.

I know Cloud was putting up a font, and that made him to have condescending attitude, and people couldnt see what Cloud was hiding behind the the bravery face. However, all of us as fans acknowledged the pain Cloud was suffering in the entire FF7 story. Some of the characters like Tifa, Marle, Vincent, Biggs noticed it and they took actions for it, while others, I do personally thing, they were hurting the Real Cloud’s mentality more. 

Long story short, Tifa was the one who gave mental health support the most to Cloud, followed by Vincent (AC), Biggs and Marle. Aerith did the worst with Real Cloud's mentality + she then died, mking Cloud be more miserable,

However, Aerith actually had the best way to give MFA/PFA to children, but maybe the worst to Cloud. While Tifa gave the best MFA to Cloud which helped him to get himself together through out the entire time

Alright thats the end of my talk. Thank you for being with meee

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #cloud strife #character analysis #final fantasy theory #advent children

[ihatebnha]

🦊hey!!!!!! I just read the tags for one of my asks!!!! I'm so sorry you get nervous responding to these!!!! Is it just the length? Cause I can trim it down, I really don't wanna make you anxious! I'm so so sorry!!!!

Awww, you’re so sweet ajdkfaskldk... i honestly don’t even know how to explain it... but it’s not you that’s making me nervous. i promise you’ve done nothing wrong and have no need to apologize for anything!!! 

it’s just... and bear with my terrible explanation skills here... 

it’s almost like hmmm... when you put time and care into sending me an ask, i want to put time and care into answering it.... except that, because of, I usually end up nervous that i can’t or won’t... and then put off answering all together. 

it’s not that i don’t want to... it’s just i get scared that i’ll do a bad job or it wont be good enough to be appreciated. the same thing goes for most prompts too... the more i want to answer... the less i actually can, and since i always want to answer everything... i usually end up either 1. answering nothing, or 2. answering just a long time later...  

(and i do this with a lot of things i get, not just you...🔥 knows this very well smh!!) 

So when i get your asks, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with them... because i really do appreciate them and want to chat with u, it’s just that i can’t always get to them right away... and the longer they are... the more i end up pressuring myself to do a good job when I do... both things which in turn make me nervous and is why i sometimes can’t respond immediately, or even don’t respond at all.  

also, the longer something sits in my box, the less i want to answer it anyway, mostly because either the interest as faded (for prompts specifically)(and not all the time, just if i havent planned anything for them)(and don’t worry because I usually do plan stuff for them, LOL), OR... im scared someone will be mad at me for answering something idk days, weeks, even months, later. lol :(

(it should also be noted that sometimes, not usually, but sometimes, long answers take me a long time to write... so it drains a lot of my energy and takes away from time i would normally spend writing other things, idk.) 

SO... it’s not like you’re doing anything wrong AT ALL, because you really arent, and i love everything thats sent to me!! it just should be noted that if you send something in, i might not respond... and if i do, it could take up to weeks. hopefully and probably not. but it COULD. 

i’m really just like... bad at talking to people normally and being chill about things. I always get messages like “you shouldnt feel bad!!” + “take your time!!” + “just respond however you can” but it’s really hard for me not to put effort into everything. so i always just... psyche myself out anyway lol.

please just know that it’s not your fault and i’m never purposefully trying to ignore ANYONE!! theres just not enough hours in a day to answer everything the way i wish i could. 

btw: prompts/requests go through a different process altogether. LOL. but yea. this is why im slow. because im NERVOUS abt pleasing you!!!

anyway i love you and i hope this makes sense!!! i promise its nothing about you, and that you should just keep doing what you do... because hopefully, i can catch up!!

#im actually super insecure about everything i post #even when im just thanking people for compliments #like ive already read my answer to this over like three times #i really just aim to answer everything in a way that i would like to be answered #and to run a blog that i would like to follow #but those are hard to do and always ends up making me nervous and feel like im doing a bad job #which isnt ur fault #im just an idiot dummy #also its funny bc i seem really extroverted but talking to people can be really draining for me #i also have a hard time even shit posting #bc i dont want to annoy people by talking to much #but anyway #dont change anything just keep this in mind #if ur ever like 'why hasnt caitie responded?' #dont worry.... im already drowning in guilt #ask #caitie chats #fave #🦊 #Anonymous

[littlebigafterdark]

I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

#mama logan #little big eating disorder #do not reblog #long post #asks #adorable undead queen #little big after dark concepts

[blueskittlesart]

So, please be serious here: what exactly is so bad about Voltron? I heard that the fandom became terrible at some point, (?) but I genuinely have no clue about what went wrong beyond that!

ok let’s get into it but i am going to warn you this is a HUGE shitshow. im putting it under a readmore because its so much and i dont want to subject anyone to this unless they actually want to know lol

there are 2 main issues that i can remember with voltron itself, not even touching the fandom, and those are bad writing and queerbaiting/homophobia. 

I could go on and on about the bad writing, but the gist of it is that about halfway through voltron’s two-year production schedule, the writers scrapped the show’s bible. which, i feel like i shouldnt have to say this, but you really should not do. after this point the story went EXTREMELY off the rails, ending with the unforeshadowed death of a main character which didn’t really make sense in context. (i didn’t watch season 8 but from what I heard her death was like.. pretty graphic for a kids show too). 

Aside from that, what appealed to me and many people about voltron in its first few seasons was that it was a very character driven show and each character was given a good amount of development and screen time. However, by about season 4 certain characters were being unceremoniously pushed aside in favor of others. After the mess that was the end of voltron, it came out that the head writers were doing this kind of thing to spite the side of the fandom who heavily critiqued them. 

next let’s get into the queerbaiting and homophobia. this is where it gets REALLY messy. i beieve one of the showrunners had promised lgbt rep at a panel in 2016, but i can’t confirm that. basically, everyone believed that there would be lgbt rep and everyone had been waiting a very long time for said rep. 

So let’s set the scene. it’s the voltron panel at san diego comic con 2018. at this panel, they plan to show the first episode of the upcoming season, season 7. after they show the episode, the panel, which includes the two showrunners and a few voice actors, take questions from the audience. In the episode that they play at the panel, there is a short flashback scene where one of the paladins, shiro, talks to another man, adam. Adam was a character we had never seen before. Adam and shiro were implied in the scene to be close, but there was no explicit confirmation in this scene of weather adam’s relationship with shiro was romantic or not. After the episode finished, the audience was allowed to ask questions. One of the questions was, of course, regarding adam and shiro. one of the showrunners confirmed that they were not only together, but engaged, and that we would be seeing more of adam in the upcoming season 7. cue fandom chaos. everyone is freaking out that they finally got the lgbt rep they had been waiting for, everyone is praising the writers and making fanart of shiro and adam and wondering what kind of great reunion scene the two will get when season 7 drops. 

then season 7 drops. adam and shiro do not get their happy reunion. In fact, the only scene with adam in it in the whole season, aside from the short scene that was shown at sdcc, is a very short cut where adam dies in a fighter crash. 

and yes it’s two years later and i am still angry about this so the rest of this is going to be worded very angrily. shiro got a two second scene of him looking sadly at a plaque with adam’s name on it. shiro did not get to reunite with his fiancee. adam was never even explicitly confirmed to BE SHIROS FIANCEE in the show. if you were watching it without the context of the sdcc panel, you could write it off as them being close friends. (in fact, there was a seperate dub recorded of the scene in episode 1 where adam specifically calls shiro his ‘best friend’ NOT his fiancee, but we’re not even gonna get into that shitshow.) basically, they buried their gays, and they buried them BIG TIME. it was especially heinous in the eyes of many (me included) because they released the news of shiro’s sexuality at sdcc with that episode and then ripped it away from us when they killed adam. 

at the end of season 8 there was a montage of clips showing what happened to the paladins after voltron. Shiro’s showed him getting married to a male background character he had never actually interacted with, presumably a half assed apology from the writers after the uproar after season 7. 

aside from the whole adam deal, there was an f/f alien couple (zethrid/ezor) who were implied to be in a romantic relationship and then immediately afterwards tried to torture the main characters. we love gay villains! so quirky and not at all homophobic!!

there’s more i could get into: undertones of racism, fatphobia, facist apologism, etc, but those are the two MAIN points of the shitshow that was voltron. Again, this is ONLY within the show itself, not even touching all the fandom drama, which would need a whole other post. i hope this clears some things up lol i cant believe i experienced all this shit firsthand

#asks #i literally cant believe i was in the voltron fandom for so long like i really did that huh #mr--link

[shhh-no-ones-home]

cut in izzy stradlin x reader

+++++++++

overprotective izzy? yeah kinda lol Crazy fan encounter gone bad (blood tw)

song: I'm lost without you by blink-182

tag list: @cynic-spirit @satans-arse @slashscowboyboots @smokeandmirrorz

+++++++++

i sat in the booth with my arms wrapped around my torso, trying to make myself as small as possible. i felt very uncomfortable in the space, knowing everyone around us was staring. i knew they werent looking at me, i was just the plus one to this gnr dinner extravaganza. of course that wasnt what it actually was but it felt like it. there was paparazzi outside trying to get in, women practically falling over themselves to talk to the guys, and fans gawking from around the room. the body guards were diligent to keep us away from them when we came in but it was harder to do that now. i felt something touch my back, causing me to spin around and see some girl with a few strands of my hair in her hand. my eyes went wide as we stared at each other.

"can i help you?"

i asked a little bewildered. izzy finally realized what was happening and took something out of her other hand.

"get out of here!"

he yelled, dropping it on the table. i shook my head and turned back around, now realizing that she was holding scissors.

"what the fuck?"

i asked, picking them up. i looked to izzy.

"did she cut my fucking hair?!"

i practically yelled, pulling it forward to look at it. he shushed me, sitting a little closer than before.

"no, babe, she did not cut your hair. its fine."

i looked at him like he was crazy.

"what do you mean its fine? she could have cut my hair! or worse! stabbed me!"

he sat in silence for a second, staring at the shiny new pair of scissors on the table.

"yeah, i hadnt thought of that, thats not fuckin cool."

he said, leaning back. my eyes got wide as he shimmied up out of the booth, standing on the bench itself before climbing over the backrest.

"what? where are you going?"

i called, one of the guards turning and following him.

"what happened?"

duff asked, from the other side of the table. i looked at him a little shocked.

"some fan just tried to cut my hair."

i said, sliding the scissors to him before looking back over the booth. i could see Izzy walking quickly across the room. i frowned before doing what he did and lifting my body up and over the backrest of the booth.

"what are you doing?"

duff asked, standing to get a better look at where i was going. i walked quickly across the room to get to izzy and the one guard. i knew i shouldnt have but i couldnt help myself. if he was getting Justice for me I sure as hell was gonna be there for it.

"look!"

i heard someone call. i was less than three feet away from him when another woman stopped in front of me.

"how dare you take him away from me! izzy stradlin is the love of my life! its not fair that you get to date him and i dont."

she said firmly, almost yelling.

"look, i dont know you but im sure he would think youre lovely. ill let him know you said hi."

i told her before side stepping and going to walk around her. i was one, maybe two steps away when she grabbed my head, full fist of hair in her hand.

"i said he was mine!"

she yelled, pulling me backwards. the next thing i knew i was on my back, staring at the ceiling in a daze. everything went quiet for a moment and i could see the guard grabbing her. i blinked a few times only to see izzy knelt over me, his hand waving in front of my face. i offered him a lazy smile.

"hey babe."

i slurred out. he looked angelic with the ceiling lights casting over him.

"oh god."

was all i heard before he called out for someone else, the sounds not making their way into my ears.

"izzy i dont feel so good."

i said, trying to sit up. everything was blurry and the room was spinning around me. he held me up, a hand placed firmly at my back.

"fuck, youre bleeding."

he said and i could finally feel the stinging at the back of my head. i blinked slowly before leaning over and throwing up all over the floor. he caught me before i could fall forward, holding my hair back.

"easy."

he cooed. i breathed heavily, feeling tears stinging my eyes.

"izzy i wanna go home."

i whined, feeling the tears slip down my cheeks. he nodded, looking over my face with a panicked expression on his face.

"okay baby, we can go home, but first we gotta get you to a doctor. okay? we're gonna make you feel better."

i nodded slowly but stopped when i felt like i was gonna hurl again. i held my hand over my mouth. then i heard sirens.

"did you find the girl with the scissors?"

i said. it sounded gross coming out though, like my tongue was three sizes too big for my mouth. i looked down in confusion. he laughed a little bit, maybe it didnt sound the same for him.

"yeah but that doesnt matter right now, the paramedics are gonna take you so we can stop the bleeding."

i half smiled at him.

"are we gonna ride in the am, amu?"

he examined my face,

"ambulance?"

he asked and my face lit up.

"thats it!"

i slurred out and he nodded.

"yeah, theyre right here baby, just hold on."

i looked up as the stretcher was dropped to the ground beside me, one of the emt's shining a flashlight in my eyes. i blinked away from them.

"can you tell me your name and birthday maam?"

he asked and i frowned at him. i thought for a second.

"y/n."

was all i said, looking at him deadpan.

"can you tell me your birthdate?"

he asked again.

"tomorrow?"

i asked and he looked to izzy.

"well by looks of it you probably have a concussion but we're gonna have to take you to the hospital to get that gash closed up."

i looked at him and shook my head.

"what gash?"

izzy rubbed my arm gently.

"baby youre bleeding, remember?"

i drew my brows.

"well yeah but you didnt tell me i had a gash."

he looked to the medics apologetically.

"we're gonna put you on the stretcher okay miss?"

i nodded slowly.

"okay, as long as izzy gets to come to."

the man looked to izzy.

"is that your-?"

"boyfriend."

i said proudly as he shifted me up.

"we're on tour, she doesnt have any other family here."

The man nodded as they started rolling the stretcher towards the door.

"Hold me."

I said in a child like tone, reaching for Izzy's hand. He stared me in the face before doing as told and holding my hand, running his thumb over it.

"I've got you baby."

°°°°°°°°°

i felt the stinging against my head and felt nauseous again.

"hold on."

i said before leaning forward and throwing up into the bowl the doctor had given me. i groaned and wiped my mouth as he got back to work on my stitches. izzy held my hand, looking over my face as i blinked slowly. it had been about an hour since wed arrived and were finally almost done.

"youre doing great."

izzy reassured and i sent him a small smile.

"thanks."

i said lightly.

"alright, we are all done. the nurse will be in momentarily to go over treatment and activity."

i nodded once, thanking him as he walked out. izzy sighed out, like he had been holding his breath the whole time.

"you okay?"

i asked. his eyes went wide.

"am i okay?! youre the one who just got your head split open!"

he said. i laughed a little bit, he just closed his eyes and dropped his head to my shoulder. i pet his head gently.

"at least im not seeing two of you now, not that im complaining or anything, but still."

he let out a short laugh before standing back upright.

"im just glad youre okay, i was so worried about you. i didnt even see what happened until youd already hit the floor. it was just your worried face and then boom, you were down."

i closed my eyes and groaned.

"its blurry, all i know is that girl thought she was in love with you. i just wanted to find you back."

he kissed my shoulder.

"i know, im not leaving you the rest of the tour, i can promise you that."

i laughed a little bit.

"izzy thats gonna be kind of hard dont you think?"

he shook his head.

"you arent going anywhere alone, even if i have to hire a personal body guard just for you."

i held his head in my hand and stroked his cheek gently with my hand.

"im glad youre protective over me but i can handle myself. normally."

i joked. he still looked so worried.

"i dont know what i wouldve done if id lost you today. you were bleeding so much and just completely out of it. that really scared me."

he said, and i could see his eyes getting watery. i brought him to me and kissed him gently.

"im not going anywhere, you have my word."

#wattpad #x reader #izzy stradlin #jeffrey isbell #gnr #imagines #one shots #262

[captain-jinguji]

Heyy💕💓! Can I ask for a headcanon for all the boys with a s/o that is an exotic pole dancer? Just imagine 😂

Hey love 💖 i wish i could move my body like an exotic pole dancer

STARISH + QUARTET NIGHT + HEAVENS with a s/o who's an exotic pole dancer

STARISH

Natsuki:

So amazed. How do you move your body like that? How are you holding onto the pole? Surprisingly, will ACTUALLY say that you're ~attractive~ (NOT cute!!!) Moving like that but instead of taking it to sexy time, he actually asks you to teach him. He has no control over his body though.

Tokiya:

Sits back and enjoys the show. Cocky smirk and following eyes are his game okay. Doesnt even HIDE the fact that he's getting hard in his pants because honestly watching your body move like that just makes him want to move with you, just not around a pole.

Cecil:

Ah he can pole dance too okay don't try him lol so now he wants to make a competition out of it; who looks hotter on that pole? While his ~moves~ are more traditional, they're still VERY attractive and suggestive. Who's gonna break first? Most likely him because he has no self control when his princess looks this good.

Ren:

Is this Heaven? Is it his birthday? W O W. Ugh he knew you could move your body but when you do it in front of him with a full ass whole body view instead of just seeing you twist beneath him and he enjoys EVERY moment of it. Watches for a while but he starts to get hungry for more and approaches you with long, careful strides.

Otoya:

Please dont do this to him omg nosebleed !!! Hes shook. He's aroused. He's amazed. So many thoughts, so many images, so much to see. Gets super embarrassed and blushes the whole time but oh LORD please continue. Dont mind him, he'll get himself together later

Syo:

Oh god he IS the luckiest man in the world. For him? Can you give him a whole ass private show? He'll make it worth your while, he promises. Becomes SUPER confident and comments on your body during every twist

Masato:

No please dont let him see that. He will cry and cleanse his sins underneath his waterfall. It's not that he doesnt think youre HOT he just thinks that he shouldnt see that because its so SINFUL okay. Cant deny it turns him on but unless you want him to pass out of shock, hes good.

QUARTET NIGHT

Reiji:

Oh he will tease you EVERY time he sees you on that pole. Touches you. Drags you away. This is a sure way to get him to remove you from the pole and get you somewhere else. Does not care that you do this, it's just a SUPER bonus for him.

Ranmaru:

He has mixed feelings because on one hand hes horny af and just yells DAMN BABE everytime he sees your body twist, but on the other hand he hates that other people get to see this too. Will try to convince you to maybe ~ just do it for him?

Camus:

Would be TOTALLY into it if he knew it was JUST for him. But it's not. So therefore he will start an argument. Why would you do that? No one else needs to see you act that hot and confident except for HIM.

Ai:

Doesnt care tbh like its your life. Its your body. If you want to dance on a pole like go off? Comments on how to do certain poses safer and reminds you to take it easy on your body at times.

HEAVENS

Eiichi:

As long as you let him see your shows before anyone else does, hes Gucci ~ except that he will WRECK you right after your little show, making sure you're too sore to continue. Like that shit is his BIGGEST turn on okay do NOT dance on a pole unless you want this man to DESTROY you

Kira:

Hes not... Super against it? Like of course he would prefer it if you're more... Sophisticated but much like Ai, its your body and choice so as long as you love what you do, he continues to support you.

Nagi:

It... Makes him uncomfortable. First of all he has NO control over his hormones and he will almost immediately pop a boner at seeing something like that but it doesn't... Make him feel good if that makes sense? It's just really awkward to him.

Eiji:

It also makes him uncomfortable but he just laughs it off with a blush on his cheeks. Tells you that he hopes you have fun and to please keep safe and take care of your body.

Yamato:

Oh HELL yes thats so HOT OKAY like NOTHING will beat this. You know how awesome the sex with him is gonna be from now on? HELLA hot mkay? This spices things up to a whole other level baby. Asks to see your moves ALL the time and watches you dance ANY chance he gets

Van:

Much like Yamato, he also thinks it's super hot and much like Tokiya, he loves to just sit back and watch your shows. Might play around and throw money at you as if you were a stripper. It's just a joke though, so please don't hate him.

Shion:

Oh he loves that idea okay it's actually such a turn on. Just. He wont say that out loud. Supports you and tells you to be safe on the pole and not bend too far.

#uta no prince sama #uta no prince shining live #utapri starish stillnotsorry #quartet night #starish #utanoprincesama #utapri headcanons #natsuki shinomiya #camus #jinguji ren #ichinose tokiya #cecil aijima #otoya ittoki #kurusu syo #hijirikawa masato #kotobuki reiji #ranmaru kurosaki #ai mikaze #otori eiji #otori eiichi #kira sumeragi #mikado nagi #van kiryuin #yamato hyuga #shion amakusa

[qyu-inactive]

MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT OUTTAKES 16-18.5 BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY

We have been blessed with 3.5 glorious new parts to the wonderful Losty Aone/ Mountain Man Series by the wonderful, amazing, awe-inspiring @shhhlikeme and i am emotional and have many many feelings about it all.

Outtake 16 

I love that we got to see this from the reeader’s point of view, it was nice to see our losty y/n and see how their feeling. It was a nice break from feeling sad about Aone’s broken heart.

This part made me laugh ahaha

After dating and breaking up with him, Aone had females constantly approaching him. A/N: Not constantly but it felt that way for you ofc lol

the jealously😂, the Author’s note too like “it wasnt like that at all” 😂 this emotional person (y/n) is just  blowing up the situation. 

and then this:

In other words: They want what you had. 

i mean of course they would, Aone is the sweetest boy but only to someone he loves. Aone’s heart is too strong to let waver to someone knew so quick

This whole outtake all i could think about was that Y/n really needs to get back with her mountain man, first they want to break up so Aone finds someone new but then doesnt want him to find someone new. Like cleary y/n is not being honest with herself or Aone. 

When they went to the library, ahhh y/n really just imagining the worst scnenarios in their head😂

“Oh,” your stomach flipped. “He looks so cute.” You put on a 🥺 face when you noticed how utterly adorable a standing Takanobu looked

🥺🥺🥺 Aone is always such a cutie, and y/n really broke this man’s heart😭 I know it was insecurites but still. These two are so in love but just wont get back together. 

The outfit y/n is wearing😍 you always pick these really cute and sexy outfits and I appreciate y/ns confidence and style but it is not me 😂😂 but Aone thirsting over his girl tho, i would dress up like that if it meant getting looked by Aone like that 😂

I love Aone’s plan, like he is such a sweetheart and he’s making me all soft at all his effort to win his girl back🥺🥺

This outtake really gave up all the feels y/n is feeling with breaking up with Aone and I am enjoing it 😂. At the same time though I just want these to love birds to get back together ahhhhh. 

One of the things I really love about this story is how strong the friendship is and how we see the outside characters really show how much they care. A lot of stories (like shojou, oh man you dont know how much shoujo manga ive read haha) just sideline their friends after the start talking to their love interest or they dont even have friends at all in the whole story. I really enjoyed seeing Katana be a voice of reason in our losty’s life. And of course the K_nji’s being our boy Aone’s best friends. 

Outtake 17

okay we starting with the real friends the K_nji’s warning our boy Aone about the situation. I love them and how much they care 😂. They can be dumbasses but still, I appreciate their effort. 

The University—our University— sent her a uniform that’s a size or two too small.

Does this mean they’re going to the same university? or am I reading too much into it? It might have been mentioned before but I cant remember off the top of my head. Also Aone really living his best life and his worst life rn 😂😂  like he gets to see his girl in a super tight cheer leading uniform and spend one on one time with her but he cant do anything about his desires. His confidence tho haha  “I’ve seen Y/N in a cheerleading uniform before” not like this you havent😏 

Aone Takanobu can truly say—if he could speak—that he will never even question Futakuchi again.

Again I just really love their friendship, parts like this really get me 😂😂😂

When y/n took out Aone’s jacket automatically🥺🥺 my hearttttt, and how long Aone’s jacket is on them🥺🥺 this whole part made me so softtt. Like imagine wearing his jacket🥺🥺 it would be so comfy and warm. 

There are so many golden lines I loved from this part, but Aone’s spank bank is just a phrase I wasnt expectng to read but it is gold. Im sure his bank is full and loaded😂

Then some random gross guy comes up to y/n, like the audacity of this guy.

He had such a disgusting grin on his face

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 this guy can back offfff. 

I really love when Aone comes in to protect the reader🥺🥺 he’s not the iron wall for nothing too. 

Your knight has arrived. Your ex-knight. ☹️

and then you go and hurt me again😭😭

I really wanted Aone to just kick a dude in the chest, like step the fuck off 😂😂. 

“Take one more step toward her.” Aone growled in the smoothest voice.

“I dare you.” Aone added, for good measure.

Im absolutely swooning, Aoneeeeee🥺🥺🥺. And the fact that he wanted the reader to come with him so she wouldnt get anyone bothering her😭😭 he’s such a gentlemen. No one bothers Aone’s girl whose not his girl at the moment, especially guys who arent wanted

now onto the fun part of this outtake😏 I wasn’t expecting to see texts but it was definitely a nice addtion!! Our poor Aone soo horny and sweet, I dont know if the dead squirrels worked hahaha. 

but he couldn’t help but wonder how he was going to edit all of this together in the time frame he promised he would with only one hand.

this went over my head when i read it the first time omg😂😂😂 Im sure Aone can do it, he’s a very capable man. This whole section had me laughing but also feeling slightly bad for Aone, again his poor horny heart right now is conflicted but very much fed. Im glad he was able to get a break, I dont think his length could wait (im not used to using subtle language hahaha) anyway this whole part was fun to read. 

Aone bit his juicy bottom lip,

I legit bit my lip just before reading this part😂

Outtake 18 & 18.5

Now we’re hitting the climax!! (after Aone just hit his climax and is about to hit again😗)

—who imo really should return to their own homes now but would rather not—

I mean do these two even have their own homes anymore😂, theyre basically apart of the Aone family now. Family who also understand when to leave their horny pal alone for time being. 

OKAY ONTO THE IMPORTANT PART!!! AHHHHHHHH. 

“Aone-senpai, do you even have snapchat?!”

“Obviously not.” Kenji answered for his friend, being snappy.

“WELL HE SHOULD GET IT BECAUSE I SAW—“

Did Kanji see Y/N and Takeru?????? I also cant believe I learnt Takeru was a third year from this series, I always thought he was a second year for some reason. I think cos he was ennoshita’s rival. not important rn lmao

“—because Aone-senpai is jacking off again. It makes you feel lighter, and happier—so that’s why,”

this boy, there are some things you just shouldnt say out loud. Some things can be left unsaid (not like im blunt with my friends sometimes haha but still) 

When Kenji had found out about why y/n dumped Aone😭😭😭😭 I’m glad he found out earlier then Aone, I wouldnt have wanted him to yell at the reader again.

Anyone that can do that, be so selfless—is good enough for his best friend.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I can tell its her because that’s your sweater she’s wearing. Right? It says Takanobu on the back, and I remember seeing Y/N steal it out of your bag after practice once.”

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺these parts really just made me soft. like the fact that y/n still had the jacket and wanted to wear it out. and the absolute coincedence that they were in the same cinema as Aone. 

“Y/N.—Sh-She-She is wearing my attire. What does that mean?”

Yeah, big guy.

Yeah, you have a chance.

Y/N still has a little….tiny bit of feelings for you

YES YES YES FINALLY , I wanted to cry here😭😭 AND THEN KENJI CONFIRMED IT ALL AND AONE THE MAN WENT AND TRIED TO GET HIS GIRL. THIS REALLY IS THE DRAMATIC PART IN THE MOVIE. AND THEN THIS [redacted] TAKERU CAME AND AHHHHH 

(Aone would know that face, he only saw it everyday he’s looked in the mirror for the past 3 years)

Absolutely dead. All hope—gone.

You make me happy and then just rip out my heart like 2 minutes later. I was going from crying happy tears to sad tears in like a heartbeat. 

ALSO YOU DONT KNOW HOW UPSET I WAS WHEN I GOT TO THE END OF PART 18 I DIDNT REALISE THERE WAS 18.5 AND WAS AFRAID THAT THIS WAS IT AHHHHHH. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS THEN JUST LEAVE. 

“I’m worried about you.” She finished, looking more serious than you’ve ever seen her.

y/n really has some good friends with her🥺

uhhh then Takeru comes in, I dont really hate him but no one stands in between our losties love, they deserve each other and no one can stand between them. 

“But, tonight, if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m just one theatre over… Okay? I have a pretty comfortable shoulder, so just text me.”

Okay this was pretty nice of Takeru, like cheesy but at least he cares and isnt staring at y/n like a peace of meat he wants to devour...

You sent it. Received a response within seconds saying he was on his way.

This boy, hes got a good heart but this isn’t your story bud, im sorry.

There! Kenji-san and Koganagewa-san, two males who were looking at you and Takeru as if you two were the villains in the movie that just popped out of the screen.

if this doesnt go well these two seem like they’re going to fight y/n outside the cinema😭😂 I couldnt imagine getting death stares from the K_njis especially after hurting Aone basically twice now.

Finding HIM was all that mattered.

OKAY THIS WHOLE PART, LIKE YES GO GET YOUR MAN PLEASE. LIKE Y/N CANT JUST LEAVE THIS RIGHT HERE LIKE THIS. 

white hair visible only because his head was down, forehead kissing the steering wheel, his shoulders vibrating slightly because he is crying. It’s him.

I cant take anymore sad Aone😭😭 He needs the biggest hug and his girl to be his girl again. He has gone through so much.

“Kenji-san, please leave me—““Not Justin Bieber look-alike!”

I cant with the Justin Bieber look-alike. 😂😂

Im just going to talk about my feelings for this part, but the whole confesson. I felt like crying, i feel like crying now reading it😭 it was just so beautiful. Like y/n explaing everything and saying Aone is the only man she’ll ever love. Throughout the series we really go to understand Aone’s feelings so deeply and how passionate he is but we didnt really get to see how y/n felt as much so reading this made me happy for Aone for the fact that his girl loves him as much as he loves her. They really were lost for each other, lost with out each other, but together they were 

Found.

okay maybe im tearing up now😭😭

One more marathon to go and our happy couple can live happily. The fact that this story is nearly over is a little sad but I’m happy our losties found each other. Im thinking since the next parts will be the last I’ll talk about overall themes I liked and my favourite moments as well. 

#shhhlikeme #Losty Aone #Losty mountain man series #this took longer then i expected but i can finally post it!!!!

[horansqueen]

@liallerr​ lmao id loooove to hear you rant when you read my chapters lol that would be funnn hahahah! and youre right, theyre both a bit dumb hahaha! thank you so much! im happy you like the characters, im always scared ppl will hate them when i write them lol! i promise to post the next chapter asap! whenever i finish writing a chapter of this story, i immediately want to work on the next one lol so yea, shouldnt take too long! thank you so so much ILOVEYOUUUU! 💖

#liallerr #my fanfics #swy

[isthatbloodonhisshirt]

omg you are a MONSTER! im always like no i shouldnt check to see if shes posted anything she cant pump out that much content that quickly and you always DO omg!! i love your work but we can Wait if you need to Take Time for Yourself... ily pls dont kill yourself writing as much as you do

LOL You are so sweet anon, thank you!!!! I promise I’m fine lol. My brain is weird, and I have this thing where if I take a break for too long I… I take it for like… too long… like two years too long… So it’s really better for me not to let my brain relax too much or else I disappear for a loooooong~ time lol 

But thank you for being concerned! That’s very sweet and kind of you

#not tw #Blood's yakkity yaks #Anonymous

[azrasclaw]

part 2 to the roadtrip angst!!!

this is so bad i- have no words lol 

______________________________________________________________

you’re not bitter. okay, you are, but you act indifferent. and if you arent as engaged in the final decoration of the van or shrug to questions of which clothes to take with them; well, maybe you’re tired. you did have three essays due that week. 

“you’re staying here, right?” e glances at you as he packs his charger. 

“no, i’m going home, i told you.” you answer, passing him the powerbank he forgot on his nightstand. 

this brings him to a halt, looking up at you leaning back on his pillows. 

“but this is home, babe.” he says and he sounds so timid, you almost smile and say you’re right. 

“what’s my appartment then, a hotel?” you joke, grinning at him. 

“i mean, yeah. almost. you’re almost always here, y/n.” he says, discarding your attempt to lighten the mood. 

his eyes flit all over the room, contemplating. he doesnt like the thought of you back in your cold lonely appartment. he doesnt like the neighborhood your cheap appartment is located at. doesnt like your neighbours; your landlord with the creepy mustache below you, always peeping out of the door when you enter the building; the rude lady next to yours banging against the wall when you so much as drop a coin. 

“yeah, but only because you guys are here, gorgeous.” you tell him. he grins to himself at your pet name. g walks in with a sweater in his hand, looking stressed. 

“dude, this is yours.” he huffs, flinging the sweater at e and himself on the bed next to you.

“y/n says she’s gonna stay at her place ‘til were back.” he deadpans, catching the shirt and stuffing it into his bag. 

g’s head snaps back to look at you in disbelief. 

“what? why?”

“oh my god, you two are so dramatic. so i’m staying in my own home while you’re away, what’s the big deal?”

“your landlord is creepy as fuck and that woman-”

“is so rude.” they finish in unison. 

“yeah, well, i’m not going to stay here like a lost puppy waiting for you two to come back. i have an entire week off, i’ll clean my appartment and spend time with-”

“you have the week off?!” e interrupts, eyes big on his face. 

“yes. i told you already, i took the week off because of the roadtrip.” you chuckle, feeling stupid that you wasted your vacation on... nothing. 

“i- didnt know you took the week off.” g mumbles, fumbling with a loose string on his shirt. you sigh.

“it’s my fault, i shouldnt have assumed that i’d come with you, it’s okay though, i’ll relax a bit and start working on some projects. i should meet up with lily, she’s been asking to go out for weeks.” you ramble, torn between making them feel some remorse about leaving you and not wanting to ruin their trip with that guilt.

“and i’m guessing you start working again the day we’re back, meaning we wont get to spend any time with you.” e pointed out, guessing correctly. 

g barks out an ironic laugh, his attitude annoys you, your chest swelling with indignation that you had fought to keep back. 

“classic, y/n.” he adds. 

“i had thought we’d spend a lot of time together on the trip but i get it, quality is important.” you roll your eyes. 

“guys, lets not fight right now, we’re about to leave i dont wanna part like this.” e warns, cooling you off slightly but g doesnt even acknowledge him.

“sorry we care about our jobs and cant spend all our time with you, y/n. this is a work trip, you know” g retorts. 

you flush; you didnt think they’d perceived you as clingy. 

“oh, sorry, if you’re so sick of me it’s a good thing i’m not coming, then. wouldnt wanna keep you from your job” you snap, seething. 

“yeah, you know, maybe distance will do us some good.” 

e looks between you two, dumbfounded at how the situation has escalated so quickly. 

your chest burns, you guess that its your pride being fried in there. your breath quickens but you feel like there’s no oxygen entering your lungs. 

“i should leave now. have fun on your trip.” you sniff, getting up and collecting some of your essentials around the room, ignoring e’s small “baby, dont.” and g’s silence. 

you look back at them as you zip up your bag, “sorry, i didnt want to shit on your mood. i mean it, have fun on the trip, guys.” you repeat, much softer than before, trying a small smile, mostly for ethan. you’re too hurt to look at grayson long enough. e gets up from where he collapsed on the foot of his bed and pulls you into his arms for a strong hug, his arms coming to wrap around you tightly, his face buried in your hair. 

“i love you, please text me when you get to your place.” he mumbles into the crook of your neck. 

“i will, if you promise to keep me updated. love you.” you turn your head to press a kiss into his jaw. he sighs before releasing you. you dont say anything to gray, only wave at him slightly before leaving, his deep eyes following you out the door in regret. 

#blurb

[wickymicky]

long personal post about grimes

sorry about this post. i had to get this out of my head.

okay one more post about grimes i promise and then i’ll try to stop talking about and thinking about this shit person for a while, but this song (linked at the bottom of this post) literally changed my life. that’s not a joke. i can trace a lot of things in my life back to hearing and becoming obsessed with this song. i owe it a lot. it’s not a perfect song, but it’s perfect to me, and i met people because of becoming a grimes fan after hearing this song that i’m glad i got to know. 

i had a grimes mutual who i talked with sometimes, and they were dating another grimes fan at the time, and i was talking to that second one a bit and i thought they had a lot in common with my partner, so i introduced my partner to these two and they became really close lol. my partner, remy, ended up becoming really good friends with them, and flew out to arizona to spend a week with one of them, our friend charlie, in 2018. the other one, milo, is still a friend of mine too. milo got into kpop a couple years before i did and follows this sideblog actually lol. neither milo nor i went by our current names when we met, we’ve grown a lot over the years. 

it’s not even about grimes anymore lmao it’s more about the impact her music and being a fan of her music had on me. it’s not just those two friends either, it’s that her music helped set me on the path i’m still on today. maybe i’ve progressed further down that path than grimes ever will lmao, who knows. or my path is aimed in a (hopefully) good direction, while her path is aimed at (apparently) just being garbage in all the possible ways. 

i think i found this song in the related videos on a youtube video of a song by purity ring or something lol, it was pretty new at the time i think. i dont remember exactly when... i think it was over the summer of 2015. the video was posted in march and art angels came out in november, so i think i probably found it around may or june. it was a really rough time for me. it was the summer after my first year of college. when i started that first year of college, i was dating someone, and when i ended that first year, i had had not one but two really shitty breakups from shitty relationships. i only dated the second person for a couple months, but it culminated in her calling the cops on me when she thought i was suicidal, so.... anyway, yeah. also in my first semester i failed two classes. when i came back to school in the fall for my third semester, i failed more classes, had another really bad semi-relationship, and was placed on academic suspension which means that for the spring of 2016 i was home while all my friends were on campus. i was depressed and unsure of what to do about my adhd making me really bad at school, lol. 

i mean like when i discovered this grimes song, it was before that stuff from the fall of 2015, but when that fall 2015 stuff was happening, i escaped into her music a lot. i started dating my current partner towards the end of that semester too, the first person who i felt like actually cared about me (and who had been a close friend for a while at that point), so i associate grimes’s music a lot with things like that too. with feeling sorry for myself and with feeling like i shouldnt have to be someone im not. just because the system doesnt work for me doesnt mean i have to change myself. maybe college isnt for me after all. i ended up going back and then dropping out in 2017 but... anyway. grimes’s music also represents dating my current partner and realizing that i’m not straight and eventually, little by little, that i’m not cis. it was the soundtrack to everything that was going on for me at that time. 

im not sure im really capturing in words all the significance it has on me. it did other things too, like open up my taste in music and expose me to pop music or pop-style music when i had spent most of my time avoiding pop music because of... idk... toxic masculinity? internalized... idk... internalized homophobia? misogyny? transphobia? not wanting to acknowledge that i could like things that were girly? whatever that means? take your pick lol. its not like i was a macho bro, i was just avoiding things. didnt wanna think about them. thats why even though i listen to a lot of pop and dance music now, my music-fan-background is mostly punk, ska punk, death metal, black metal, and a tiny bit of underground hiphop that i got into in college, and of course, a tiny bit of nu metal i was unfortunately into in middle and high school lmao. i had a lot to unlearn and im glad i have been doing that! i think on some level though, it’s not because of grimes, i was started to dabble with these feelings and realizations anyway, and if it wasnt grimes it would have been someone or something else. as i said, i found this song from a purity ring video, so i was already dabbling in music and aesthetic that were outside my typical aggressive comfort zone lol. but anyway, grimes is the one i latched onto. i dont regret it, i just wish everything that’s been happening with her in the last two years was uh... not happening. 

long story short... this song changed my life

#long post #personal #hmmm.... i guess its okay to reblog this but i dont imagine anyone would want to lol... #sorry if i rambled too much or got too off topic. im not gonna proofread it #grimes #writing

[warmau]

{Special} College!AU Bang Chan

*this post was commissioned | find other stray kids writing here 

major: music theory & composition 

minor: linguistics 

clubs: tried to turn some members of the music club into a busking group called 3racha ,,,, lets just say they got chased off campus by some of the professors LOL, briefly did tango club against his will because yugyeom dragged him to it 

sports: co-captain of the mens swim team 

chan is the kind of college student who you meet for the first time and you think ‘wow he’s so social and popular and cool!!!!’

and then after getting to know him for a week or two

you realize he isnt cool at all - he’s social and popular - but he’s a downright GOOFBALL 

he takes his studies seriously, music means the world to him and it’s obvious

but he’s also such a ,,,,,,, in the nicest terms possible,,,,,,a big nerd about it 

because he’s gotten into heated debates in classes over who the best modern composers are 

written long, detailed editorials that he’s submitted to the uni magazine about how much he adores the new travis scott album 

and once had to be (forcefully) dragged out of a local tattoo shop by both felix and jisung 

because he was sure he needed the lyrics from drakes ‘in my feelings’ somewhere on his body

quote on quote “dude, that song is a religious experience for me”

but he’s also just devoted to it 

like he lives for all aspects of music 

singing, composing, producing, rapping, he even tries his hand at a dance class as an extracurricular 

much to the shock of minho, an actual dance major,

who got called “my son!” by chan in front of all of his other dance major friends

and has yet to forgive chan for this horror

chan actually got offered to join the welcoming committee at the university for his sophomore year 

because he has this natural leadership ability, coupled with the fact that he always wants to make everyone laugh

like he goes out of his way to make freshman and nervous looking newcomers feel like they belong

even at the expense of looking or sounding like a fool

seriously, like he was showing around some of the new music theory majors and made a bunch of attempts at corny jokes

“guys, if a cow played music what would be called? A MOO-SCICIAN!”

“what do classical composing majors say when they’re parallel parking? BACH IT UP!”

“please laugh,,,,,im begging you,,,,,”

but of course,,,he’s not a goof all by himself

him and changbin see each other on the way to class and stop in the middle of the quad to do the floss enthusiastically for one whole minute as everyone watches in disbelief

him and felix agree to photobomb literally any photo woojin tries to take of himself

and just in general,,,,,they are that loud group of rowdy boys who sometimes can get too hype and loud

but it’s hard to hate them or be annoyed because let’s be honest,,,,,they’re all adorable

chan does of course have a serious side, he’s actually incredibly caring and sensitive to those around him

when jeongin and seungmin come to visit them on campus, he takes care of them 

in subtle ways, but in ways that matter [he makes sure theyre doing well in school and have plans for college too]

he can tell when a friend is feeling down or is having trouble 

and he always lends advice or tries to get them to come out and do something fun with him to lighten the mood

there are times in college when his own work is piling up, he has responsibilities to his major and to the swim team he’s on

but he’ll do his best to cram time in to take care of those close to him,,,,,

sometimes at the expensive of his own wellbeing 

but it’s hard to tell if chan is ever upset - he covers it up with funny jokes and body gags 

him and felix love to talk and switch between english and korean super fast, mostly to annoy their friends 

but they also end up blundering over simple words and hyunjin just lowkey is like 

“hmm chan maybe you should pick up korean as a major,,,,,but it might be hard because youre at like a middle school level right now-”

chan, pretending to faint from that burn “when did i raise such a savage little monster,,,,”

his minor in linguistics comes from his ability to pick up languages 

he actually finds them fun to learn about, but he doesnt give it the same attention as he does to his music theory major

so he kinda sometimes has to go to a tutor

(he hides this from his friends because he knows he wouldnt able to live it down)

did i mention he’s co-captain of the swim team,,,,,,and he’s like oblivious to it,,,,,,, but there are literally students who just come and watch the practice to see him in swim trunks,,,,,,

jisung once came to hangout after practice and he told chan like “did you hear your friends screaming your name back in the pool?”

and chan was like huh i thought that was just in my head

jisung, looking into the camera like he’s on the office

but no again, not matter how packed chan’s schedule is, he always makes time for people when they need him

and sometimes he’s a little too self-sacrificing,,,,,,,,

also id just like to mention that he shows up to instrumental practice with his bag over his shoulder and his hair all messy and curly after he blow-dried it after swimming

and he looks cute

like mega cute

anyway

you’re a dance major who doesnt know chan all that well

you’re much closer to minho since you share a major and youve only heard of chan in stories from him

the first time you meet face to face is when the musical theory majors are tasked with organizing a song that’ll be performed by the dance majors

you’re being paired off, two dancers to one producer 

and by sheer luck you and minho get put in with chan

the first thing you notice about chan is ,,,,,, 

his big almost lopsided grin

“you guys know we have to win and make this the best collab this university has ever seen - right?”

minho crosses his hands and rolls his eyes from beside you

“dude it’s not a competition”

“ok, but im making it one. and we’re winning - right?”

chan turns to you, eyes bright and a bit of a dimple coming out when his smile manages to get even bigger on his face

you nod, a little shy at how friendly he’s being right off the bat

he plops down, minho following suit on the floor of the practice room and you take a second till you join them

“i think we need to make something powerful, something show stopping. i was thinking id use some old tracks from 3racha that i made-”

minho scrunches up his nose

“i dont think the professors would like that, i think theyre looking for something classical”

chan puffs out his cheeks like an upset third grader

and you cant resist a tiny giggle

chan catches it, smiling your way before looking back at minho

“well i guess we can do that. but what about something more,,,,classical meets modern,,,,,do you guys think that’d work for you two?”

you shift a little and chan points to you all of a sudden

“c’mon, you can tell me! i wanna make sure you guys are comfortable and can perform your best! so feel free to drag any of my ideas through the mud,,,,,,,or tell minho off for me”

he chuckles, earning a light punch in the arm from minho

but you actually feel a sense of relief

you were a tiny bit worried that you’d be ignored, working with two people who were already super close

but chan was putting in the effort to include you

so, you mentioned that maybe a more high tempo beat with orchestral influence could work

chan nods - whipping out his music notebook to start scribbling down notes

you notices that the pages are covered in a mix of english, korean, and musical notes

it looks like a total mess, but somehow chan gives off a trustworthy feeling

and when you guys are all done discussing, he promises to have a demo by next week

it’s when you’re gathering all your things that chan pops back in and drops a note in the palm of your hand

“my number! so we can talk about the project and stuff”

he says easily, waving one last time to you and minho before disappearing out of the room again

you stand there, the warmth of his hand is on the paper and you don’t want to think too much about it

but your heart definitely skips a small, minuscule beat

when you finally get the message from chan that the demo is done

you and minho meet up with him after classes and chan, with trembling hands, puts the music on

you can tell he’s nervous, he looks like he might pass out from holding his breath

but the moment you hear the audio - you fall absolutely in love

and just from this one instrumental it’s obvious chan is talented

when it’s over, minho says what you’re already thinking

“it’s perfect bro!” 

he gets up and highfives chan, who rubs some sweat from his forehead afterwords 

“now you guys have to do the actual hard part and come up with a dance”

you shake your head “this song is really great - it’s whats going to make the performance”

chan teeters a bit with his response, for the first time he’s a little caught off guard at the compliment, and you can see the reddening of his ears

“ah,,,i mean it’s ok,,,,but really you and minho are going to have to work hard to-”

he’s interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open 

an upperclassmen that calls chan over to answer some questions

you stand there, holding the USB with the mp3 of the song in your hands 

your mind racing with ideas for choreography 

but when you turn, you see past minho whose saying something to you

and you see only chan in the blur of the rest of the room

he’s glowing, in this halo that you’re sure isn’t actually there

and you force yourself to snap out of it 

because this is weird

you shouldnt see him as anything more than your partner in this project

and that’s what you do see him as

you’re sure of it

but,,,,,,as time passes and chan starts hanging around you even more 

you start to be a little unsure of where he stands in your mind 

most of the time it’s you, him, and minho in the dance practice room

the song on repeat as you and minho show off anything new you’ve come up with 

sometimes you end up being twirled around by minho, sometimes he’s throwing you up in the air, sometimes you’re both laying on the floor making dramatic pulls toward each other

you plan solo parts for each other too

and even though chan admits he has not much experience in judging other peoples dancing

he thinks you two look great together 

he’s always supportive, and he’s always being funny to lighten the mood

there’s moments were either you or minho start to panic about it all coming together

and chan is there with some corny joke

or the usual “what did i say you guys, we’re going to be number one!”

to cheer you guys up

but when you really start to worry about your feelings 

is when one weekend you get a knock on your dorm door

and to your surprise, it’s not someone on your floor asking for an extra charger or an RA trying to find your roommate

it’s chan

he’s got on a training suit, the uni’s name on the back and a duffel bag you’re sure isnt big enough to fit a guitar or anything like that

“chan?”

you ask, shocked

“did you just come from practice or something?”

he laughs, “actually a swim meet - i just thought id stop by and ask if you had time to show me your solo part of the performances.”

you blank for a second

you’d thought this would be another saturday of you laying on your stomach in your mismatched pajamas

watching videos of dancers on youtube, maybe texting a friend to go out and eat

but, even after you agree, and ask chan to wait in the hall while you change

you realize this is going to be the first time you and chan are,,,,,,,,alone

thankfully one of the practice rooms is free when you get to the building

and you suddenly feel really anxious

chan slides down against the mirror and claps

“im excited, i saw minho’s yesterday and thought i should ask you out - i mean ask to see yours too. i was going to invite him, but i think he’s doing something with jisung today”

you hear chan’s voice

but because of your anxiety, the beating of your heart is much louder in your ears

he puts the song on and you try hard to focus

you know what your solo dance is - you know the moves - youve practiced it on your own

but you cant move an inch

“h-hey are you ok?”

chan sees the way your eyes have gone wide, how you’ve frozen and cant seem to snap back out of it

he gets up, stopping the song, and suddenly you feel his hands on your shoulders

you look up into his kind brown eyes

and he gives you that smile, that’s kind of silly but still somehow so genuine 

“are you nervous?”

you nod slowly, embarrassed

“s-sorry, i dont know whats going on i just-”

chan gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze

“it’s fine, but minho told me that your solo is amazing. i know you can do it. just imagine that im like,,,,wearing a big clown nose or something and relax. plus,,,”

he grins

“even if you mess up - i promise im too dumb in dancing to tell”

you laugh a little and chan goes back to sit down and get the music up

this time, you focus on yourself in the mirror

and just let the song chan wrote flow through you like water

the room melts away

even chan’s presence becomes muted

and you just dance

and when it’s over, you look to see chan’s reaction

and he just looks,,,,,,,mesmerized

he scrambles to his feet, but doesnt even say anything

his mouth open, agape like a fish out of water

“i,,,,i cant tell if you liked it,,,”

you ask with an unsure tone 

and chan just shakes his head, his soft curls falling all over the place

“i loved it - i didnt think it’d be that - that beautiful you know? especially to my mediocre song-”

“your song is the reason it’s beautiful”

you blurt out, but then turn a little red when you realize what youve said

even though it’s true

a dancer has to work with something good in order to create something nice to look at 

and chan’s song had resonated with you 

chan stops in front of you and for a second neither of you know what to say

until he puts his hand out and goes

“let’s go get lunch. all that dancing made me hungry.”

you lift an eyebrow, “but you didnt dance,,,,”

“but you did, aren’t you hungry?”

you shrug, “i could go for,,,,pancakes maybe,,,”

chan grins, and leans down 

his hand takes yours and you gasp a little when he laces his fingers betwen yours as well

“pancakes it is!”

he takes you to a nearby place, and even though it’s way past breakfast and the waitress kind of stares when you two order your pancakes and coffee

neither of you really minds

because for the first time it’s just you and chan talking

and to your surprise, there’s a lot you have in common

and it just feels comfortable

he makes everything so easy and free flowing

like you guys talk about your majors, but you talk about aspirations and traveling

and chan tells you about australia with sparkling eyes and a wildly good imitation of a koala bear

and you laugh so hard you have to hide a snort when chan ends up getting maple syrup all over his chin

but he also tells you not to hide a snort, because a snort is cute 

he calls you FREAKING cute

afterwords you two return to campus

but chan runs into park jinyoung, an upperclassman, who apparently works at the college bookstore

and who pinches chan on the ear and says

“instead of dates, you should be studying. but also be sure to be a gentlemen to them.”

you blush so hard, but chan is too in pain and begging jinyoung to let go of his ear to notice

you tell chan that if he has to go, he should

but chan insists that he has time - his linguistics tutor is meeting him at 7 (please dont tell minho that) 

and that maybe you guys can like watch a movie before then

you stare a little and ask “w-watch one where?”

“in my dorm!”

chan grins

but a moment later it falls into an embarrassed, worried look

“i-i-i didnt mean it- li- i just - i - we could - i just - i stole felix’s netflix password so i just thought like maybe youd want to watch like stranger things with me or something - i didnt mean i - i”

his flustering is adorable 

and you do end up watching stranger things on his laptop

but it’s in the common room and you guys have to share his headphones

and when it’s nearing time for him to go

he walks you back to his dorm and gives you the longest, warmest hug of your life

when he leaves, you walk right into your room and fall face first into your pillow because

was that a date

it was totally a date

but after that,,,,,,,,you and chan don’t get to hangout one on one anymore

not to say he changes how he acts around you or anything 

he’s still this sunshine goofball full of positive energy

but he doesnt,,,,,show up at your dorm asking to go out 

he doesnt text you outside of the group chat with minho

and you’re just left confused

because you were sure there were signs - there had to be

it’s clear as day, the memory of chan laughing - watching you as you had leaned over the table to help him clean off the maple syrup

or how he’d let you practically lay your head in his lap while you guys watched stranger things

so why did it suddenly feel like that day,,,,,didn’t happen

as the days to the performance in front of the professors get closer

you fortunately have that to distract you

alongside other schoolwork and responsibilities 

minho asks you at some point if you want to come and get dinner with him and chan

but you feel like you cant,,,,so you refuse

and it’s like being around them - your nightmare comes true, but not because they exclude you, but you start to push yourself away

the last practice before the performance

you’re running a bit late to meet up with minho and chan 

and when you stop infront of the door, you hear the two of them talking

but it’s,,,,,,,,,,tense?

“so you did spend time alone with them, didn’t you?”

“yeah, they showed me their solo part. it was for the project.”

“woojin says he saw you hugging them outside of their dorm,,,,,,dude just tell me straight - it was a date right?”

there’s a pause 

and you realize that they’re talking about you and chan

“no it wasn’t a date. you know i wouldnt do that to you.”

it feels for a second like the air has left your lungs

it wasn’t a date? 

“i dont think of them like that.”

a second twinge of pain shoots up through you, chan’s voice resounding through the room 

had you really misread the signs? was he just being friendly? did you just foolishly think that the first guy to be sweet, would inevitably fall in love with you?

you feel like running away, you really do

but you know that tonight is the last practice - after that it’s just the performance

and then you wont have an excuse to see chan, and he wont need to see you either

so you take in a breathe, plaster a smile on your face, and walk in

the two boys stop talking

there’s no change in expression from minho

he just chooses to look down

but chan does his best to match your smile, but it’s so painfully forced that you cant look at him for too long

“ok, tomorrow is the day so we just have to-”

“i know.”

you cut him off, not necessarily trying to sound angry, but just wishing that this whole thing would be over

the practice goes smoothly

but everything feels like it’s being held in a chokehold

neither you or minho is dancing to your best abilities

and chan excuses himself after the first run through 

and when you find yourself in bed that night, you turn on your side and stare at the blank screen on your phone

“i guess im just an idiot huh,,,,,” you mumble

the one time something nice happens, with someone i could really come to like, it always has to get ruined

chan is nowhere to be seen in the morning

minho is adjusting the shirt he’s wearing beside you and you don’t want to admit it to yourself

but you know you’ll be super hurt if chan doesnt show up

“he’s coming, don’t worry”

minho suddenly reassures

his hand hovering over your shoulder before he pulls it back

you hear the professors call you and minho out, commenting that the instrumental had been produced by musical theory bang chan

you step out in front of the panel of teachers and scan the room quickly

looks like he really didnt come

you turn to face minho and notice he looks just as down as you do

but that’s not what matters now

you have to do a good job on the performance at least

the music starts, the music chan made for you and minho, and you let it flow through you like the first time you heard it

regardless of whats happened - the music is perfect

it fits the movements of your body like glove

you and minho look like you were born to dance this dance for this song

and because you’re so focused

you don’t see the door open quietly, chan leaning against the back wall and watching

his eyes following the tips of your fingers, the bend of your waist, the way you twirl past the professors and minho

how you take what he’s created and channel it throughout every muscle and bone in your body

he had meant it 

when he said you’d made his music look beautiful 

and when it’s over

you face the professors, catching your breath professionally 

and then you see 

chan

the professors are saying nothing but good things, praising you and minho and the music 

but again - the room blurs and it’s just him

once it’s over and the other dance majors are all fawning over you two

you think that maybe you should at least go over and say thank you to chan, one last time for the music

but you cant find the strength to do it right now

instead you try to get your things together quickly and get out of there

but halfway across campus, you hear someone call your name

you turn, shocked to see chan

he’s standing maybe three feet back 

and you have the urge to lie, tell him you’re late for something

but you cant say anything because the expression on his face is nothing like usual

no lopsided smile, no goofy face, no sincere and gentle reassurance

it’s pain

“hey - you heard us yesterday didn’t you?”

his voice is low, and you think you can even hear it shake slightly as he asks you 

“w-what are you talking about”

you play dumb, clutching the strap of your bag so hard you feel the texture dig into your skin

“you heard what i said to minho, that i didnt think ,,,,, what we had was a date. that i didnt see you romantically,,,,”

you swallow a lump you hadnt known was in your throat

you dont feel like dealing with this now - being humiliated after a performance that took every ounce of your energy

“so what if i did, i get it. it’s fine. you don’t have to pity me or any-”

“i was lying.”

you catch yourself on the last words of your sentence

staring at chan you see that his shoulders are stiff 

“i lied, to minho and to myself. it’s just,,,,,i know he likes you. and he’s my friend so i want him to be happy but i,,,,,,but i ,,,,,,”

he takes a moment

and there are students walking past you

the world is moving all around

but it doesnt feel like that, you cant tell the faces apart, you cant overhear their conversations

“but i like you too and i dont,,,,,,,i dont want to hide it anymore.”

you think this should be a happy moment, a moment that overflows you with warmth 

but it feels like it cant be that

not when you now know that there are minho’s feelings involved

but past that - you know your feelings 

and you know that they’re for chan

so you step forward 

and so does chan

until the distance is closed between you two and you look up into those brown eyes

that are always so sweet, so kind and nurturing 

“i like you too. i dont want to hurt minho, id never want to see him sad. but i want you. i want to be with you.”

chan’s lips twitch a little, like he’s fighting against a smile or a frown

“i want to kiss you”

he suddenly whispers

“but i think it’ll be bittersweet.”

you agree, eyes shifting from the curve of his mouth and back up into his gaze

you both decide that the first order of business is to tell minho

you think it’l be awkward and hard

but the moment you and chan walk through the dance practice room, minho just sighs

“i already knew it.”

he announces, before even you or chan can get to the apologizing and explanations

he looks at you gently, “i didnt want you to find out this way - but dont worry. chan is the best guy and the only one i think deserves you.”

you dont even get to thank minho

because chan throws himself into the other boys hands

sobbing about how nice that was of him to say and how he’s going to do everything in his power to find minho his soulmate

and minho is just like 

“please get your boyfriend off me”

you manage to pull back chan

but you’re also like, ,,, huh,,,,,,boyfriend,,,,,,right i guess he is

but just in case

as you two are leaving the dance studio you ask

“are we like,,,dating”

chan puts a hand under his chin

“well, let’s see. i like you. you like me. minho seems to not be hurt at all about this. i want to kiss you so bad im going dizzy. i think it’s safe to say we are dating.”

you giggle, lifting up to kiss the side of chan’s cheek

“there, it’s a kiss i think we can both agree on for today.”

chan pinkness, but agrees

your first,,,well second? date is the next week

you have to wait for chan to leave class and you’re surprised to see him carrying a guitar case

he explains that he isn’t all that good, but it’s part of his major to learn instruments 

and when you guys grab lunch you end up having chan teach you some chords 

it’s a simple kind of date, you get to talk a lot and just enjoy each others company

but of course

chan finds some way to make it funny

(like when he tries to play the instrumental to a song you said you liked and you could tell three seconds in he had no idea what he was doing)

as you two continue to go out and grow closer you come to know more about chan

than just his goofy and caring side

there’s the chan who, in one way or another, is the dad friend

you see first hand how he worries about younger friends, how he reminds felix to call his parents after finals, how he shoves all the snacks he has in his bag into jisungs hands when jisung says he hasnt eaten

there’s the chan whose a perfectionist, critiquing his own work and musical abilities to hell and back

there’s the chan who also,,,,,,is super naive and new to this whole romance thing

surprisingly, he’s unaware of how attractive he is 

and when he wears a lowcut shirt under his jacket out on a date, he keeps putting his hands over the skin and getting all shy

and you’re just like 

“chan,,,,,you know you’re hot right?”

and he almost hits the ceiling like 

“WHA,,,,,stop joking around!”

you: “i can’t call my boyfriend hot?”

chan, digging a whole in the ground to hide in: “yo-you’re the only hot person here,,,”

but really, dating him is such a great and positive experience

because he really is your number one fan and supporter 

and it’s impossible to really argue with him - because if you want to do something, chan is down for it

even if it’s something he’s new to or owrried about

you can tell he fights through his own worries in order to make you happy

which you actually tell him he doesnt have to do

you sit down with your hands on his and youre like chan i want you to be happy too, relationships are about equality 

it makes him so happy he tackles you in a hug ,,,

gosh he’s like an overexcited and loveable puppy

he does this thing where you’ll just be doing something like scrolling through your phone

or looking through a magazine

and he’ll stare at you and go “i love you”

and you’re like,,,,i love you too but why are you just saying it 

and he just shrugs

“felt like it”

“when do you not feel like saying it then?”

“never. i always want you to know i love you.”

is the boyfriend who claims you think all his jokes are funny

and you’re like sure :-) *shaking your head no the moment he looks away*

pulls little, cute surprises for you every now and then

like he left a teddy bear outside your dorm with a heart balloon once

or stuck a sticky note in your bag about how you’re the cutest person ever

“love you possum”

“did you,,,did you just call me a possum”

“it’s an aussie thing. plus possums are cute”

guess who got a plushie of a possum for valentines day? you did!

guess who got a plushie of a koala for  valentines day? chan did!

to be honest get ready to be called every cute pet name that’s available in english, korean, and any other language chan can remember 

you become known on campus by a bunch of upperclassmen when you start dating chan

like this kid named yugyeom walks up to you and is like “did chan take you somewhere fun yet!”

or you met jinyoung again and he told you to make sure chan is studying for his minor 

you and chan were just sitting on the quad once, with your legs over his and his hand stroking your hair

and it was super cute and adorable

and then woojin plopped down next to you and was like

“we found old 3racha videos we want you to see”

and you’re like “3racha?”

and woojin is just like OH YOU HAVENT HEARD

chan tried to chase him off, but jisung - who isnt embarrassed of 3racha era at all - whipped out his phone and was like “let me show you”

jokingly rapping chan’s iconic lines at him and him scrunching up his cute nose

remember when chan got those little cuts in his eyebrow ,,,, you didnt say it but you were like ,,,, ok wow,,,,,how did he get even more handsome

kissing chan? an experience

he shyly admits that his knowledge is kind of limited - and at first it’s a little sloppy 

but he knows what to do with his hands, you dont know how, but he pulls you close or holds the back of your neck

and you melt

but the moment you get flirty, it literally K.O’s chan

if you as much as wink at him or slip your shirt off your shoulder he turns to color of a tomato it’s hilarious

he also really likes when you sit in his lap

he always pulls you in when he has you listen to something he’s composed 

or when he’s got his computer open and he’s like come watch this

and you’re like scoot over

but he’s like no, you just can sit on my lap, it’s yours, forever

swim team chan! coming out of the changing rooms with his hair still wet and shaking it so some of the water gets on you

you get to wear his team jacket :-)

chan lowkey takes all romantic holidays and stuff super seriously, like he goes all out for anything that involves couples

and even if you’re a little embarrassed by it, he’s like no we gotta do it

matching from head to toe? probably corny - but chan is living for it

you and chan mutually agreeing to dote on jeongin like he’s a baby is just a given

because you’re both busy in college, lots of dates are like getting coffee and holding hands and being cute around campus

jisung and bangchan making gagging noises in the background

but chan always muses about taking you somewhere abroad

traveling with you and just being alone 

you tell him that neither of you has the money right now but maybe in the future

you bet chan is like “oh yeah, im talking about it like our honeymoon”

“h-honeymoon?!?!”

chan, covering his outh and turning red: “i ,,, uh,,,, what,,, huh,,,”

but honestly does he daydream about marrying you? im just going to let you decide that

(it’s a hard yes. of course he does. he’s a romantic fool) 

OH how could i forget

the corny texts

sure there are chan’s bad dad jokes, his selfies where he’s doing dumb faces, and the usual complaining about bangchan being mean to him

but there are also the

‘forget to tell you this, but you’re always on my mind’

‘im such a mess, im thankful you still love me’

‘when the world overwhelms you, ill be there to listen to your fears’

and the one that made you nearly break your phone in half because ,,,, cuteness and corn overload

‘im yours, so you better take responsibility for that’

chan is the kind of guy who’d let you draw on his face with a sharpie or lipstick and he’d wear it outside proud because this is my s/o’s art!

if you asked him to run across town to get you cheesecake at 2 am? consider it done

he just loves you with his big heart and,,,,it’s amazing 

but you love him with as much passion - and that’s what makes him truly feel like you’re the one

because you match him perfectly

slow dancing in his dorm to the sound of a self composed instrumental he made just  for your anniversary

and then kissing softly with his hans on your hips and your hands on his face

and him leaning back to tell you

you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him

yeah that’s just one night dating chan, can you imagine dating him forever??????

day6: jae | wonpil | youngk | sungjin by group: bangtan | vixx | got7 | nct | kard | monsta x | seventeen gg specials: amber | momo | irene commissioned: iu | chanyeol | hongseok | baekhyun

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