#it’s just about my personal life.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.

I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:

Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)

Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)

Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often

Eat dessert first

Celebrate well, and often

Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)

Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.

Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate

Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)

Walk without having a specific destination or goal

Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.

I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.

#mental health #mental health support #positivity #if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them! #i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all.. #...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in... #...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air... #...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life... #...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with... #...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it... #...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it #i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive #unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better

[coldvampire]

i think it’s time for another social break.

#to be clear this isn’t in relation to current events #it’s just about my personal life. #I’m back stuck in that cycle where I feel like I don’t have friends > I lose energy and motivation to socialize #& seeing stuff w other people who are Not in that cycle makes it. so much worse. lol. #yes yes hypocrite moment I know I’m also busy I know adult life makes it hard etc etc I’m still going to feel #emotions about it. #idk as much as I say living near people would be ideal for happy surface reasons truthfully I think if I’m not in someone line of sight #I get forgotten #like roommates are great (sometimes) bc forced proximity means there’s something built in #I say plural bc I also know you need to rotate socially. better for everyone involved. #like idk. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way or how to break out of it #and getting my ass away from social media is really the only way I know to stop me from getting Extremely hurt and jealous lmao #I’m bad at maintaining connection after a while and I think bc at the start of friendships I usually Do have the energy to be the ‘starter’ #or planner or w/e when I start to wane a bit it goes unnoticed. so it’s back into the cycle. and I’m not sure if this will ever stop being #a thing for me? also I can’t blame anyone for seeing that and Not wanting to reach out bc like. why would you #as great as I can be short term I don’t feel like I’m worth the trouble once I pass a certain ‘expiration date’ #so as much as I’d want to be more mad about it I can’t really be bc I Get It. I do. but it’s still depressing. #it’s so stupid of me really bc I do this ridiculous thing where I’ll Light Up when I feel like someone’s interested bc it’s nice! #its a nice feeling! so naturally it’ll make me perk up a bit more even if I’m feeling otherwise low #and it doesn’t take much so maybe I’m giving the impression I take effort? idk I know I can be skittish at first. I don’t want to come on #strong or annoying. (we’re all annoying kill the cringe etc etc but if you want friends you need to sync up at least) #but maybe that’s off putting?? I don’t know. I’m out of ideas on how to be. #I haven’t even had the energy to make content or really even think about my characters bc it feels like there’s no point. sometimes in the #past I could at least rely on that a bit to be a sort of bridge to reach out to people with but I just don’t feel like I’m able to. #the posts I made just steadily got less and less interest over the spring and summer and I always felt like #in servers I’d just suck the air out of the room bc people felt polite but uninterested. #everyone else was also able to move past and be friends outside of that and I just never could manage even over multiple years sometimes #and over time that’s just weighed on me a lot. no matter where I go I always end up feeling like I’m supposed to be temporary #social filler. how do you end up meeting people when it just constantly recoil from your efforts? #being weird isn’t as fun when it’s the Wrong Kind.

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[contactlessdrivethru]

there is something unique and deeply special about monkey d luffy as a protagonist. he’s overwhelmingly ADORED by the fandom. he’s consistently the most or at least top 3 most popular characters in the whole series. peoples takes about him are gushingly positive. and that’s… really uncommon.

a LOT of fandoms i’ve witnessed or been in have a tendency to favor characters other than the main character. especially in anime. the main characters are often written as a blank slate for readers/watchers to project onto, but that makes them not as interesting and so they don’t get the fan attention.

but luffy is so far from that. and he’s ALWAYS been this way. we love him so much. he’s the heart of the story and the heart of the fandom in every single way. and i think that speaks to how well-written he is as a character. he’s fun and charming and complex and interesting and he makes us laugh and cry and cheer and hope and love. he’s able to inspire so much joy in people, both in his world but also in this one. and i think that’s really special. i feel so grateful to have found this story that means so much to me, and i’m so grateful that luffy exists.

#i’m in a very emotional mood tonight and i was just. musing #about how wonderful our best boy is #and how much true and genuine joy and hope and wisdom he has given me #i feel like i’ve learned so much from him about how to love people #and that’s. freely. enthusiastically. easily and without abandon. #love you monkey d. luffy. you saved my life #one piece #monkey d luffy #one piece meta #personal

[mixmangosmangoverse]

If you ever needed to know the extent of how the I/P conflict is fandomized, there is a popular post going around with a Sailor moon sticker saying Free Palestine and all the comments are talking about how it's their aesthetic and they totally need to buy it

Because this doesn't matter to them, it's just the cool hip and trendy thing

#and here i thought i could just return to talking about magical girls when WanPre comes out #seems not #seems no matter what goyim can freely talk about fandoms and make my life a fandom #while i need to defend my existence and feel if I talk about anything else I'll be invalidated #fuck goyim. my trust has been broken. I'm never returning to fandom again #mango rambles #personal fruits #jumblr #ישראבלר #ישראל

[putridcowboy]

the most important step in the hero’s journey is the gay sex

#mine #i was. higher than i thought i was last night #nooo post dont go out of my immediate circle u r so sexy #someone just tagged this as naruto wrote this. no he didnt i did #update now sherlock rp blogs are commenting on this. girl it is 2022 what are you doing #leave im going to attack you with wasps #fr if another person comments on this post itself again and it isnt funny im sending the bees after u #never in my life have i felt that one post that is like some of yall are so annoying god bless #more than i do now #this isnt about anything but if it was it would just be about gilgamesh #the more yall add to this post the more obvious it is that some of yall straight up dont know what the heroes journey is #yall need to stop assuming the hero is the protagonist of the stories yall read/watch/consume or whatever the fuck

[clouvu]

Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine

#genshin impact #arlecchino #peruere #clervie #ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short #ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half #i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved #like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can #but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay #and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up #and maybe no one else ever will #DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak #but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[fifthnailinstevesbat]

steve “cant get out of bed till middle of the day, barely leaves his house or is never home, isolating himself from everyone, never takes time for himself anymore, depressed and is slowly losing more and more of himself every single day” harrington post 1986’

robin “i know you loved her, and it must’ve killed that she wouldn’t take you back, but nancy is happy steve and she still loves you. she’s not the only one out there for you, and you’ve gotta get over it. we miss you” buckley post 1986’, trying to help her best friend

steve “…this isn’t about nancy” harrington.

robin “wha-?… oh. oh steve.” buckley.

he still wears the vest.

#stranger things #eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #stranger things 4 #robin buckley #yeah idk #i just thoight abt this #bc i miss my pooks #steve being so distraught after the events of s4 #and it’s understandable and everyone else is kinda the same level of shook up for a while #but for steve it just… continues #and nobody really knows what’s going on #robin tries to get him out of his shell without prying for so long #but eventually she just straight up tells him how it is in an attempt to get him to TALK to her #SAY SOMETHING #bc she thinks it must be he is heartbroken abt nancy #she didn’t want him back #and that’s so rough but #robin wants him to know that she isn’t the only person in his life that loves him #even if it’s not in the way he is wanting #but steve just #he just says; this isn’t about nancy #and robin is confused #then she puts it all together #then she understands. #eddie.

[bixels]

Messy Trixie Charleston dance roughs.

#wip #trixie lulamoon #mlp #my art #personal #animation #the grand galloping 20s #tulli and i were talking about stella and trixie's first story together #and how trixie would be a FANTASTIC dancer. just super charismatic and energetic. while stella's boring ho hum. #we were imagining an adaptation of “road to friendship” but as a dixieland number like princess and the frog's “when i'm human” #trixie singing about how she wants to live a carefree and hedonistic life. money! fame! girls! #anyways i roughed this out. i might work on it some more

[crystallizsch]

i really like how canonically yuu is genuinely supportive of grim wanting to be a great mage. if i recall correctly, even character voice lines point this out. and it seems like yuu dotes on grim a lot and defends him too??? yuu even encourages grim's ambitions whenever he declares wanting to be a great mage. and also when he does that boss-henchhuman dynamic. i mean yeah you can interpret it as yuu saying that being condescending and sarcastic as if they're talking to a child saying "when i grow up i want to be famous!" but like. i really think they're genuine when mc loves grim in their own way.

even if grim is usually a menace, he's become like family to yuu.

and i'm pretty sure grim feels the same way.

think about it this way. despite all the mess, all the unpredictability, the danger, and all the drama being in nrc. what's always the constant? yuu goes home at the end of the day to the ramshackle dorm (basically their home at this point considering they slowly but surely fix it up over time) and with who? “the great mage” grim. as the sole outcasts in that academy, they both sleep soundly knowing they will always have each other at the end of the day.

#2nd anniversary event got me feeling things #and honestly just thinking about that grim overblot theory #if that's true i believe grim's breaking point would be yuu finally beginning to leave through the dark mirror #and then overblotting leaving the dark mirror room in ruins like we see in the beginning of the game #he does not want them to leave #they WILL stay there #the great grim refuses to be alone in that “ramshackle” dorm #[— #twisted wonderland #twst #twst grim #twst yuu #twst ramshackle #★'-twst-rambles #—] #god at first grim was REALLY made to be unlikeable #then overtime (personally) grim had just really grown on you #i will defend grim with my life now >:(

[ruporas]

green haired guy that has haunted my character types for 10+ years

#roronoa zoro #one piece #opfanart #ive spent a good 2/3 of my artist life trying to draw him in a way i like.... i'm inching to it slowly bit by bit as i improve #which is truly One of my greatest joys as an artist - learning to draw better so i can draw my faves better #zoro is genuinely my favorite fictional character everrrrrrr... i think.... i love him so much but i have long since ran out of words to #Describe why. and i dont think any other character has come close tbh -- EXCEPT FOR WOLFWOOD!!!!! god. WW!!!!!!!! #which is crazy. but ww is very special. very dear. zoro and ww are very different... someone more similar to ww would be sanji and robin #but there's also smth about them that are so Similar. i sound like an insane person in these tags and clearly im bias BUT I SWEAR!!! #it might just be the loyalty aspect - incredibly strong traits in both of them.... also nightow drew wolfwood in a haramaki once...... #connecting the most minor dots over nothing - but any ww + zoro lovers out there - maybe u understand what i mean.

[catcrumb]

#crumb #this is not about relationships lol. this is actually about foils #this is the website where we post about character analysis. after all. #EDIT for the person who keeps sending me asks: it's fine if you are poly like live your life with joy and love #my tags here were just me clarifying what i was thinking about when i drew this lmao

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girl found dead in a hidden room.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan xichen #jin guangyao #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #qin su #EDIT: Tumblr published an earlier draft with only half the notes I wrote so: late entry on my JGY thoughts. #Unlike the mystic powers of the stockmarket (what the OG meme is referring to) I think this situation calls for more active investigation. #qin su is such a deeply tragic character to me and I really wish we got a bit more from her. #Love everyone who sent me messages about her after the last time she appeared. #I think she needs a spin off of her being a transmigrator SO badly. #MDZS has so many interesting characters - but it sometimes fails to give them the proper room to really develop past a role in the plot. #That's just the consequence of writing a story like MDZS. Not every character in a book *needs* to have a rich inner life and backstory! #To do so would bog down the story and obliterate any notion of pacing. It's just not possible. #Jin Guangyao (nee Meng Yao) is unfortunately not free from this leeway rule. He is the culprit of this murder mystery plot #and thus NEEDS to encapsulate the themes of the book. And personally he's a 7 out of 10 at best on this front (in the AD). #MDZS is about rumours twisting reality and working towards truth. And about how people & situations are rarely ever black & white #JGY has his motivations. He's well written in regards to his actions making sense for his character. #What started as good traits (drive to succeed & improve his image) became twisted over time (do anything to maintain his image) #and it's a good parallel to WWX! He has the same arc (with different traits)! Bonus points for IGY in that regard. #but man....by the time we confront this guy for murder there's not a lot of grey morality. He's just...deep in the hole *he* dug. #There's a beautiful tragedy to it! More on JGY in later comics - this is getting pretty long already!

[yrsonpurpose]

TAYLOR ZAKHAR PEREZ Natural Diamonds

#taylor zakhar perez #tzpedit #rwrb cast #rwrbsource #usernuria #usersteen #userninz #userveronika #usermegsb #mine* #............................. #what. #what am i supposed to do with all of this #im just a person #seriously it should be illegal to be this good looking #its not a joke anymore this is my life #wdym he just out here with a cowboy hat riding a horse 😭😭😭 #ugh good for him #even tho this is purely a thirst gifset you should actually read his interview #the way he talks about sustainability and how he wants to be represented on screen is beautiful <3

[ionlytalktodogs]

Controversial take but it’s actually not the job of random disabled people to educate your kids on disabilities. If your child stares, asks a rude question, or gets in the way of a disabled person, the responsibility falls on you to deal with that. It’s not the child’s fault for being curious or uneducated (that is quite literally the JOB of children) but it’s also not the job of a literal stranger to parent your kid for you.

#'but teaching kids about disabilities leads them to be adults who are less ableist' yes I agree. #but a random disabled person just trying to live their life is not required to teach kids about disabled people #as the parent it is YOUR job to educate your child about disabled people. #I'm just trying to get a fucking bagel Sharon. #disabled #disability #physical disability #ableism #my ramblings