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nobedofroses · 4 months

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December 28th

pairing: Joel Miller x reader

warnings: a little angsty and then fluffy!

words: 1.7k

a/n: sad reader and then happy bc of Joel! lonely/kisses/first dates prompt from @toomanystoriessolittletime's winter writing challenge ❄️

more Joel, Full List

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In the ten days or so since you had given Joel your number, the holidays had passed and you had been in a bit of a slump in the gap before New Year’s. Joel hadn’t called, well he had but you hadn’t talked to him. He called while you were at work one day and had to leave a voicemail explaining that he was really trying to find a sitter, but with everything going, none of his usuals were available and his brother wasn’t around either. You knew he was telling you the truth, but it didn’t help that you didn’t see him and Sarah at the normal story time since the bookstore was closed last Saturday.

Christmas was never quite what you hoped for because of family drama and friends being out of town with their families. It left you alone most of the time since the owners of the bookstore liked to close for more than just the holiday to give staff a chance to recuperate after the busiest time of the year.

With no reason to leave your apartment and your roommates gone, the only people you saw were the ones walking on the street you could see from your window. The overcast skies but lack of snow made you feel even more lethargic and you whiled away most of your time laying on your bed and staring out the window.

You were doing that, but on your couch one mid morning when you were startled out of your daze by your phone ringing. It took you a second to realize what was happening, so you had to rush over and grab it off the hook before the last ring.

“Hello?” you asked, cringing at how you sounded out of breath.

“Hey, it’s Joel,” came his nice, low voice and your mood suddenly improved.

“Hi,” was all you could think to say, forgetting that the adoring look on your face couldn’t stand in for words if you were on the phone.

Joel’s warm chuckle came across the line and you felt your cheeks get warm, “Hi. Listen, I know it’s incredibly late notice, but my brother has decided that today is his day to be magnanimous and has offered to babysit. If… you still wanna go on that date?”

Something in your chest pulled at his hesitance and you looked at the clock, thinking that if you went to dinner you’d have plenty of time to pull yourself out of this funk, “What time were you thinking?”

“Well, that’s the other thing. Tommy has to be somewhere, actually has to be there at 6:00. So anytime between now and about 5:30 I’m all yours, dependin’ on where in town you live,'' Joel explained, and even him calling himself “all yours” wasn’t enough to keep your stomach from sinking.

“Oh, well I— I wasn’t planning on leaving my apartment so soon, I’m not— I’m not really ready for the day yet,” you admitted, hoping he wouldn’t judge you for just laying around when he was surely always on the go with a five year old and a full time job. But you hastened to add, “I do, um, really want to see you though.”

“Me too, and there’s no pressure to do anything fancy. We can just talk and spend time… if you don’t want to leave your place at all I could always… come over?”

Surprisingly, the idea of him coming to your apartment felt better than leaving. It wasn’t messy; you didn’t really make any mess when all you did was sit on the couch. And all you would have to do is put on clean comfy clothes and wrangle your hair a bit and you’d be totally presentable.

“Okay, yeah. Yeah, I’d like it if you came over,” you told him, and a few minutes later, he was hanging up so he could get Sarah settled with Tommy and on his way.

You knew you had about half an hour before he got there and decided to double check that nothing needed cleaning. After a few dishes were added to your dishwasher, a few blankets folded on the couch, and putting on fresh clothes, all you had to do was wait.

Then you wondered if you should be making anything, if you had any food or anything to offer Joel once he got there. You checked your fridge and found some apples and your cupboards and found peanut butter and cookies. It was better than nothing, you supposed. You spent the next little bit cutting the apples and plating everything, and then found a couple sodas tucked away in a cupboard and put them in the fridge to chill. You didn’t even know if he liked soda. Everything you had seemed like for a kid and you smiled at the irony that Sarah wouldn’t be there.

Before long, your intercom buzzed and you let Joel into the building and then into your apartment. Just the sight of him made you feel better, and when he smiled and held out a little bouquet and some chocolate candy, you bypassed both and moved through his open arms to hug him.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he said with a little surprise. He was able to put the flowers and chocolates down on your entryway side table and hug you back, his strong arms wrapping around you and making you feel safe.

Joel hugged you until you let go, and your eyes were shining and unsure as you looked at him, “Sorry, thank you.”

“Nothing to be sorry about, honey. Are you alright?” he asked, brushing the back of his hand along your cheek.

“It’s just holiday blues, I think,” you told him, tilting your head into his hand when he cradled your jaw.

He pursed his lips and nodded, “Why don’t we get these flowers in some water and then you can tell me all about it.”

As you were doing that, Joel found the apples and peanut butter and cookies and told you it was the perfect snack, just what he liked and you were still a little embarrassed but he made you feel better.

The two of you sat on the couch, Joel in the corner facing you with a leg bent to be on the cushion and the other with his foot on the ground. You sat criss-cross facing him, but you didn’t actually look at him most of the time. At least not his face. His hands, you watched, his mouth as he took bites or answered you, his throat as he swallowed. You focused on these parts of him as you told him about your feelings lately.

When you trailed off, Joel hummed and finally you looked up at him. He was looking at you with these soft eyes and you felt warm inside. Also like you needed another hug.

You opened your mouth to ask but didn’t know how and Joel saw your nervous movement. “C’mere, sweetheart.”

He held his arms out to you and, with a little adjusting, you sat between his legs and leaned into his chest with his arms wrapped around you again.

“You know, we missed you too,” he murmured, rubbing a hand up and down your back.

“You did?” you asked, surprised.

“Mhmm, Sarah kept asking to see her teacher and go to the bookstore. It took a lot of convincing and her stubbornly refusing to believe me until finally I distracted her with one of the books I got with you,” his voice comforted you, being able to feel it rumble in his chest. “Anyway, she’s demanding we go an extra time since we missed one. Not that there’s another class. I guess we’ll just come and browse. But I have to make sure and do it while you’re there or she’ll get upset, you know how it is. Maybe Friday next week again? But in the afternoon, she only has a half day on Fridays.”

When you didn’t respond after a few seconds, Joel realized you were asleep, feeling your even breathing on his chest and smiling to himself. He was glad you were at least feeling comfortable enough to sleep, it hurt his heart seeing you so down.

You only slept for about seven minutes, but when you woke up your whole mood was different. You felt refreshed and happy and a little awkward that you fell asleep on him.

When you looked up at Joel, he smiled down at you and said, “Hi, sleeping beauty. I’d say good morning, but you were only asleep for a bit.”

“You weren’t sleepy?” you asked with a little smile.

“Mmm, I was dozing off just now, but I can fall asleep any time anywhere. Side effect of having a five year old,” he joked.

You frowned, sorry that you interrupted him by waking up. “Should we take a nap? A real one? In my bed?”

Joel raised his eyebrows, “I’m just joking, sweetheart. Mostly. I don’t want to spend our time together sleeping if you’re just doing it for me.”

“No, no I want to. Just being close to you makes me feel… good. You make me feel good,” you had sat up a little bit as you talked and moved closer too until you were only a couple inches from him. Both of you were silent for a couple seconds, letting the magnetism of the moment draw you closer.

Then you were kissing each other, slow but deep as his tongue pressed into your mouth and you opened up for him with a moan. It was steadily getting hotter, faster, when suddenly Joel pulled back to yawn.

“Oh— my gosh,” you laughed, smiling big when you saw the raspberry blush on his cheeks. “I guess you really need that nap.”

Joel stammered out an apology, “I— I’m sorry, honey, I didn’t think I was that–”

“Hush, c’mon,” you told him, already standing and holding out a hand to him. “Maybe after you get a good rest we can get back to this. We will be somewhere a little more comfortable, anyway.”

Joel took in your little smirk and shook his head, grinning, “Anything you want, sweetheart.”

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#it's a long one today #the angst brought it out i think lmao #joel miller #joel miller x reader #blurb #ish #fluff #angst #nobedofroses #snowy fics 23 #stephswinterwritingchallenge

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.