#it's honestly pretty normal

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

finally at that age where i'm thinking i should get a tattoo. not bc i feel strongly about it, just seems like a waste not to. i've got so much skin i'm not using

#feels so selfish like. all this skin what am i saving it for? #open to design suggestions! (please make me regret this offer) #maybe some deep sea horrors. a pretty watercolor of a gulper eel #once saw a person on the subway with various Skeleton Tattoos on all their limbs #i respected their commitment to the theme #but more than that i respected how all the skeletons were engaged in Activities #dancing in a ballgown. juggling its own (and two other???) skulls. swordfighting. being a mermaid skeleton #ANYWAY. the only reason i haven't already gotten tattoos is i just couldn't be bothered #i'm old enough to know i don't have any strong-but-potentially-temporary feelings driving me towards it #aesthetically i prefer decorated to non-decorated surfaces. but i'm not artistic or thrilled with commitment #honestly it feels like sheer laziness. indecisiveness--nay. immaturity!--that i HAVEN'T gotten a tattoo yet #letting all this blank canvas go to waste. tut tut i need to grow up and be an adult and get a tattoo sleeve already. #really i've put off my responsibilities long enough #(in fairness i DID at one time have 18 different piercings) #(but i took most of them out bc they interfere with wearing headphones and/or shoving my face in my pillow during Sleep Time) #(i only kept the nape piercing bc oddly enough it ended up being the most convenient. and the least painful to get now i think about it.) #(neck piercing? no problem. normal pair of earrings? Tribulations And Suffering. i don't make the rules i just poke them with a stick.)

[dead-girl-tells-stories]

DP x DC Prompt: The Watchlist

Batman has a watchlist. A list that contains every individual who could become a rouge and a contingency plan for if they did.  

And while they, his children, often make fun of his paranoia and him for having it, they totally understand why he did. They lived in Gotham, for Christ's sake. Where everyone’s just a pin drop away from being the city’s next big villain, forcing the bats to scratch their heads while playing cat and mouse with a sicko for a good few weeks. And while they won’t admit it, the list has helped them a few times. 

But that won’t stop them from making fun of any of the list’s new developments. Because you see, there was a new list. And it wasn’t just a watchlist. No, no, no. It was The Watchlist.

It was a new development after he and Robin went on an out-of-state mission to investigate some town in bum fuck nowhere Illinois. And it was under some pretty tight security as well, so they were expecting something good, like mad scientists or evil mayors. Not profiles of the kids who lived in the town. And while there were a few metas and vigilantes that made the list interesting, by the end of it all they just seemed to be teenagers. 

Until they saw Damian. They hadn’t seen him since he came back from the mission with B. He looked tired. Like ‘Tim hasn’t slept in a week and is surviving on just coffee beans’ tired.

“Ah, I see you all have found it. Good. A few of them will be arriving next week as they’re a part of Gotham Academy’s student exchange program. At least three of them will be staying in the manor with us. Father will need you all to be on standby and to be ready for any possible scenario. Please, for the love of all that is good, do not encourage them in any way, shape, or form. And please do not dismiss them either. The outcome of doing that will be much worse. Is there more that I should add? Yes. Will I? No, because you won’t understand. Not until you've seen what I have.” 

The demon child sighed, then looked them dead in the eyes. “Godspeed to us all.” Then walked away.

Okay, they were scared now.

#dp x dc crossover #dcxdp #dp x dc prompt #dp dc crossover #dpxdc #dc x dp #dp x dc #Batman and Robin went to Amity Park to investigate two mad scientists who were dealing with Lazuars waters #and instead #witness teenagers dealing with The Horrors (tm) like it was an everyday thing #because for them it is #Bruce KNOWS that the moment any of these kids crack its the end of the world as they know it #i like to think that all the kids are liminals and have powers but some aren't out about it as others #Danny knows that there's an outside entity in Amity but they don't seem hostile #protective even #so he leaves them be #i'm honestly not too sure what the profiles would look like #but i do know that they would look pretty normal until you either read into them too much #or was there to witness the shit he has witness #he's scared of those kids #but also want to protect/save them #cause the GIW still exist #and while not bad parents Fentons they aren't really good either #none of the parents are tbh

[tabooiart]

this hot pink bitch was named breakfast!!!

#my art #fanart #starkid #team starkid #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #nibbly #nibblenephim #kim whalen #this one was significantly more difficult than tinky.. something about the angle of the head #also having to spend a lot of effort on the mouth which i usually dont like doing but cmon. its nibbly. the mouth is like his whole deal #ALSO THE HAIR WAS SUCH A BITCH TO PAINT #and the bedazzled visor...... honestly the whole thing #i like how it turned out tho!! #oh also if u look closely i gave him pig eyes!!! something about the lib human forms looking pretty normal aside from freaky eyes #alas i once again had to shrink it because the canvas was the same size as tink's #cmon man discord can handle my giant canvases tumblr needs to get it together #speaking of are there any like starkid/hatchetfield discord servers that are active someone let me in im pawing at the door like a kitty ca

[yesokayiknow]

human au. some of these guys spend too much time on here and it shows

#don't ask how long this took #doctor who #the doctor #the master #i'm not tagging them all. god #nu who doctors & masters & also 8 is there bc he's just a lil guy (and tbf no one can agree which era he belongs to anyway) #fun fact i started making these so long ago that i had to redo the ones i'd done bc tumblr had changed its layout in the intervening time #i don't know 15 well enough yet to make him one but also he's exclusively an insta girlie lbr #or war and fugitive. but i think war doesn't have social media and fugitive's starting stan wars on twitter #jacobi!master is exclusively linkedin #also 10's a horsegirl argue with the wall. he saw barbie twelve times and came away with the wrong message #is there a bg for this au? not really. in my main human au everyone is pretty wild whereas here they're more normal #they're just hangin out here ig. 9-11+14 are siblings. 12+13 are siblings. the two groups + 8 are cousins #saxon & missy are cousins and missy & spymaster are foster siblings #if anyone likes this i'll make one for the companions too. actually i probably still will bc honestly this was really fun & relaxing to mak #but if you see an error in one of these no you didn't. don't point it out to me i'll scream

[wolves-in-the-world]

the thing about eliot spencer as a character, right. the thing about him.

(and as always your mileage may vary on my analyses so if we disagree that's cool actually)

is that he is in fact a somewhat emotionally constipated idiot who is occasionally sensitive about his perceived masculinity and gets defensive about emotional intimacy around other men (largely hardison, who's much more comfortable expressing affection and embracing a softer kind of masculinity), but eliot displays enough emotional awareness and sensitivity and respect for women etc etc that anyone who's been subjected to that era of television will put on rose-tinted glasses without even looking twice.

(and he is, don't get me wrong, incredibly emotionally aware for a professionally punchy guy with enough trauma to sink the titanic. it still startles me to see.)

on top of which we have the layers and the accessories and the excellent hair with the secret braids and the way he barely has an ego and he's good with kids and protective of his team without taking it too far, and some of us never stood a fucking chance.

#eliot #eliot spencer #orig #further discussion in further tags #I'm being perhaps a little critical and there are other ways to read eg the fragile masculinity moments #but I Do think they were intended this way and largely come across this way #I'm quite happy playing with a fanon eliot who's better at this shit is the thing? it feels faithful enough to the original. #but this is something I'm chewing over in a rewatch and it's interesting so far #the fact that he pretty consistently respects women doesn't stop him from treating men and women differently y'know? #the fact that his bantering with hardison expresses affection and gets quite soft over time #doesn't stop him from pushing hardison away on a semi-regular basis. often physically. #the fact that the fandom unanimously decided he's an utter gentleman in matters of dating #doesn't quite negate the time he physically stopped aimee from getting away when he wanted to talk to her #though that's one I might disregard because it's so early and I think they hadn't quite figured out the characters then #and it was admittedly a brief moment followed by very consensual happenings #perhaps. honestly. eliot may be reflecting the attitudes of the show here. #which were very progressive for the time and are still startling on several fronts now but also showing definite signs of age #arguably fanon eliot (as I understand him) is eliot adjusted for inflation. as it were. #there's a lot going on here I'm having a normal amount of thoughts about it I'm. stopping now

[nat-without-a-g]

Thinking about how (almost) every kid wanted to be the chosen one for the Hell Prophecy, and Taylor’s anime opening bit in the first episode. Tried picking out who what the MC of what genre but it was really hard as someone who usually does not consider genre ^^;

#honestly it’s probably more accurate to say that Normal is the MC of a 2nd gen dystopia a la the Uglys or Divergent or Maze Runner #just SOLELY because his family is at the root of everything that’s gone wrong #for like the past 5 generations #but my boy needs a BREAK and I’m not afraid to say it #for the record i don’t read a lot of fic and I’m PRETTY SURE hurt no comfort just means the MC goes through worse and worse situations #idk if there’s an underlying meaning to it that I don’t know #congrats to Linc for pulling a Ladybird #dungeons and daddies #dndads #dndads season 2 #dungeons and daddies season 2 #normal oak swallows garcia #scary marlowe #taylor swift #Lincoln boss kicks #lincoln li wilson

[kweerfish]

calling someone 'ugly hot' is just a way of negating attraction to a person whose features deviate from currently accepted norms of conventional beauty. this betrays the weird embarrassment some people derive from it.

in other words, the person I heard call walton goggins 'ugly hot' is a coward, unlike the tumblr freaklovers who unabashedly adore their people. it has everything to do with modern capitalist-driven standards, so fuck 'em. embrace the wet sparkly eyes and gummy smile and receding hairline, god damn it!

#you're allowed to find such quirks attractive #and let's not pretend he hasn't got a host of traditionally attractive features either #I honestly think sooo much of it is to do with hair #half the time 'ugly hot' is just a traditionally attractive guy with thinning hair or a receding hairline (or who just looks his age) #why the deep discomfort with it? balding is normal and (generally) pretty masculine! dare I say it can even be attractive? #it's the 'stay young and smooth and perfect' of it all #the uh 'don't pull these expressions or you'll cause wrinkles' #a blight upon society I tell ye #walton goggins #boyd crowder #cooper howard #rez chats up the void

[joseigamer]

Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.

#i still dont really understand how they got away with this kind of thing honestly #female VAs i get that - but first m/m kiss in an anime in episode THREE????? #theres also the maraich/thomas episode where they are *Both* voiced by women....advanced yuri #patalliro #i love how bancorans gender expression is pretty much explicitly to attract only bishounen #you blushed - so you must not be a girl #etc #i also love how joyful it all is #theres never anything sad or tragic about being gay - only that bancoran is forced to kill the bishounen spies/assassins/etc #when bancoran finds out that gay sex feels good after demian; in the manga he is elated. its basically a positive thing #he awakens to his true power...lol #also notable is that while bishounen youth is glorified maraich is 18 #this means it portrays being gay as an adult as normal; not a phase relegated to nostalgic adolescent periods of time #according to the NYT japan's psychiatric body called homosexuality a mental illness until 1995 #im NOT going to say patalliro changed that or anything lmao but its just significant to me that banmara get to live their lives happily #even raise children together in the manga....??? #especially contrasting that with kaze to ki no uta and other manga of the time (no shade intended) #yaoi #<- for tagging purposes #obviously it also got away with a lot by being a gag manga. but still! #months later edit: want to say im not intending to moralize BL manga from the 2000s either. like gen. no hate on them. #as a gay person i just appreciate when characters who act gay are considered gay textually #and its kind of disheartening how gay-as-identity was treated as something incredulous in those manga a lot of the time #even the mere suggestion of attraction to men as a whole and not just the other male lead...yknow #this post is meant to praise patalliro for being unique in its approach to gay content compared to other titles #ive enjoyed plenty of 2000s yaoi titles despite their shortcomings lol

[spacedace]

Had some more random ideas for the Accidentally God Queen of Clones Elle and her Amnesiac Knight Champion Kon AU (which really is a prompt a swear, ignore all the details/too many ideas I don't know enough about DC to be able to write this, so I'd anyone sees anything they like in any of this go wild ❤️)

- Tim doesn't take his mask off while in Elle's lair so Kon doesn't put together the fact that Tim is the mystery boy he kinda remembers. Leading to Kon saying that he hopes to one day find the boy he was in love with while Tim is trying to help him get his memories back, which then has Tim spiraling that Kon had a secret boyfriend that he never told Tim about before going missing.

- Elle and the rest of the Clone Club realizing immediately that Tim has to be The Guy and deciding to run with this chance for chaos and matchmaking. They lie about being able to send Tim back immediately and that he's gonna have to stay for awhile, but hey he can room with Kon! Ignore the fact that there are hundreds of rooms in this place, Kon has a big bed and is great at snuggles!

- When Kon became Elle's Knight, he started getting trained by Fright Knight & Pandora. He gets really good at fighting with just about every weapon (baring firearms) imaginable as a result.

- Fright Knight also insisted on teaching Kon all the other stuff outside of fighting a knight must know including the code of chivalry and the "Seven Points of Agilities" which sounded fine to Kon (learning how to ride horses/Night Mares and how to joust were both cool & expected) up until he was learning how to waltz with the giant ghost of fear as his partner. And don't get him started on having to both be able to recite and write love poetry (Elle, at least had fun, though that really came from laughing at his expense).

- He has tattoos now, some sentimental or just because he likes them, but he also has an ornate sword going down his back, and a shield split across both firearms that appears whole when he holds them together. The sword and shield are actually his (magical/ghost made) weapons that disappear from his skin when he summons them and return when he's done with them.

- Baddass and beautiful ornate (but practical and very comfortable!) Knight armor! It has filigree! And a cape!

- Instead of his sword sending people to the Nightmare Dimension, instead his shield can reflect attacks back at people (it's made to be used for ectoplasm based attacks, but can be used to deflect lazers).

- When Kon surrenders to the Justice Leage, he is wearing his armor, though sans helmet (which Pandora & Fright Knight are gonna kill him for later, helmets being a key features in the whole not dying portion of fighting has been something they've been yelling at him about for ages) and seeing Kon in ethereal knightly armor makes Tim bluescreen for a bit because damn.

- Kon falling in love with Tim and feeling conflicted because his mystery boy is out there somewhere, while Tim is just agonizing over the fact that Kon never told him about mystery boy and oh god did Kon not trust him with that?

- Elle gets Fright Knight in on the match making by telling him it'd be a good way for Kon to practice chivalry. Fright Knight takes this as an opportunity to make Kon recite his bad poetry (written about Tim both in terms of Kon writing about mystery boy and writing about Red Robin). It's truly awful. Tim loves it.

#dc x dp #dp x dc #danielle fenton #danielle phantom #dani phantom #kon kent #kon el kent #conner kent #Tim Drake #Accidental God Queen of Clones Elle #Amnesiac Knight Champion Kon #Fright Knight #pandora #knights really were required to know how to dance (in armor to boot) as well as were supposed to be well educated in the humanities #I don’t know that this included love poetry but i've decided that *Fright Knight* believes lovs poetry is a requirement #Kon at some point while Tim is telling him about everything he can't remember: I'M AN ALIEN?!?? #Tim: Honestly thought you were going to be more concerned about the supervillian creating you to kill your original and take his place #Kon: why? that's pretty normal #Tim: No??? it isn’t??? #Clone Club - Elle included - as one: yeah it is #timkon

[puppetmaster13u]

@f4nd0m-fun here (I hope they allow us to ask with secondary blogs soon)

Just how wild do you like your Batfam cryptids? I've got ideas for days.

One is a wing fic where all the bats essentially end up half demon. Thomas and Martha make a deal with Alfred to help fix the city and clean up the curses and everything, and. Alfred asks for 'the souls of your descendants' at the point, not caring much for humanity but hoping to get ahead of those pesky demons in his soul collection (so and so said he has Constantine's soul but that's only a piece! What about a bunch of souls that have been tainted by the spirit of a city that has never had reason to hope? Now those are some rare and dark souls).

The Waynes were hoping he'd take their souls instead but he refuses (maybe they're too full of hope or something) but, over time, he grows attached and ends up giving Bruce a shard of his power, allowing him to transform into a demonic winged form based on an animal for his protection after his parents die. When he's young the form is a snowy owl, but once he come back and became Batman his wings have changed. Each of the babies is the same way. As Robin, they gain their baby wings, but, once they move to a new name, their wings evolve.

'The Demon's Head' isn't just a fancy title, the Al'ghul's are demon descended, so Damien is at least a quarter demon even at the beginning, but Alfred's power can't be passed genetically like they thought, so he was born grounded. In this, he shows up sooner, Talkia asking Jason to take Damien with him to his father since she knows her father will kill him for being wingless.

Tim, poor baby. He couldn't fly as Robin because his wings were a shattered mimicry of Jason's Robin wings. He felt like he was in the shadow of the previous Robin, making the 'replacement' nickname sting even more, but, eventually, he grows into the wings of a cardinal and learns to fly.

I'm not sure if Alfred marks Barbara as his person, but if not, maybe he regrets not doing so, thinking that she might not have ended up paralyzed if he'd given her power. But also she's not really considered a 'Wayne descendant' life the kids Bruce adopted, so he'd have to directly make the deal with her. Maybe he does this with Stephanie when she comes along, still thinking about how Barbara might've been better off with a deal. Also, he keeps trying to hold off on gathering their souls because he's grown attached. I figure he'd probably end up wanting to turn them into proper demons too tho when they eventually die but, for now, until the city has been restored (if it ever will be), the Batfam is essentially immortal, and Alfred might be pulling some strings so no one realizes the Waynes are as well. As a side note, I debated Alfred x Lady Gotham for this story.

-

Then I had a dpxdc version of this where the wings were still demonic in origin but basically Scarecrow and Bruce are many many family lines removed cousins from an ancestor who was siblings with Jack Nightingale. On top of that, Danny had wings but they got charred when he was electrocuted. This one also has Clock x Pariah and they have wings due to something to do with ghosts, Danny gets a cloak made out of their feathers while his ghost side slowly grows its own wings (but he'll never have wings as a living again).

-----

Sorry for the long send, I got a bit carried away, but if you want I can dig up my AU again and share what I have for the wings at least, not sure what else I've got written down.

#colony of bats AU

Honestly I love both of these ideas, but what if they were say, combined.

Alfred gifts Bruce a shard of his power- everyone knows the Waynes have wings, even if in most cases too small to fly. But the wings are feathered, usually bright and flashy for the men who inherit the trait.

Which means they're very identifiable. But like you said, Alfred gets (ugh) attached to this little mortal. He's practically raised him and honestly thinks it's adorable watching him manipulate the other richfolk at galas into thinking he's such a "polite young man." Bruce is practically his baby!

So he gifts him a bit of his blood (which we know via Constantine can extend ones lifespan including giving them a bit of healing) and an itty bitty piece of his own power. Just enough for Bruce to be able to willingly call upon it. Just enough for him to disappear into shadows. Just enough for his eyes to gain a hint of an unholy glow. Just enough for a hint of claws. Just enough for feathered wings to shift into jagged mimicries of his own.

You know what could be an interesting thing? The wings are Realms in origin. We know the FentonNightingales separated into the Fentons and Nightingales some time after Jack, so whose to say that the Nightingales didn't get into magic. Perhaps they were given a gift to thank them after a bit of protection or assistance. And the infinite realms are well, infinite. It attaches to all worlds, including say the more demonic ones. But whose to say none of the Fentons made a deal or three in the generations following. They were witch hunters after all, perhaps they need something to keep up with the "traitors" of their bloodline.

Perhaps a deal which resulted in those matching wings.

Now, how could they find out their relation with the Fentons? While there could be the adoption route, what if instead it was right after Danny's accident.

He died screaming, visibly got electrocuted, his wings are torched, there's no way they're not taking him to the hospital. Which means things like blood tests, maybe even a donated organ or two because someone doesn't get blasted with that much electricity without consequences.

Which, it's the batfamily, they definitely have alarms set up for any sort of family pings for both themselves and their rogues. Just in case.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also had no idea where to put it but if this includes demons and ghosts feeding on fear, or emotions in general, then Scarecrow could be instinctively attempting to feed and grow his wings. Also he deserves raven or rook wings. Maybe a jay's if you wanna go for color.

Oh my gosh, even if Alfred and Gotham don't get together, they definitely have tea together and spar. They're definitely co-parenting either platonically or romantically, it doesn't matter this is their specialist lil boy. Who then brings even more of the specialist lil ones ever!

God I love the implications of Clockwork and Pariah creating a cloak of wings for a ghostling for them to use as their feathers slowly grow back. Love what that implies for the culture of the ghost zone. Love the idea of it maybe having an influence on Danny's wings in ghost form since a ghost's appearance is influenced by their image about themself.

#ask answered #batman au #batman #dc #dcu #dcxdp #dpxdc #cryptid batman #cryptid batfam #normally I don't really like demon aus #but this is honestly really interesting in implications #I am honestly here for this and am very interested #Would the batfam also get wings (that is feathered ones) #What is Constantine's reaction to Batman #Does it ping similar to a half-demon or something else #Does he just think it's a Gotham thing since like 3+ portals to hell have been opened there #I honestly don't think Alfred would let Jason die #Like demon blood is actually kinda OP in the DC world #We've seen Constantine stabbed through the center (like practically split in half hotdog style) and heal pretty freakin easy #Okay but wings #like wing ideas #Jack has condor wings (very big & also death implications) #Danny deserves lil dove wings as bby before they're scorched #They deserve to be similar to galaxy when grown back #White flecks from Clockwork & the darker bits from Pariah with hints of his own colors swirling together #Jazz has either a finch's wings or cockatoos #OH #Bruce has nicobar pigeon wings #Closest living relative of the dodo #And it is Gorgeous

[dirty-trash-mongrel]

i don't know what she's angry at or why but i think she's cool

#and pretty #what #what?? no i'm normal #i honestly just wanted to mess around with some lineart 😔 #murder drones #murder drones fanart #serial designation j #j murder drones #j md #md j #sd j #alley scribbles #mongrel behavior

[sysig]

Portal 2 replay review: Hrmnnngggngmngm 💕💖💝💞✨❤️💗

#WPP #WPP2 #Portal #I've only just revived GLaDOS (obviously had to play at least that far lol) but like hhnnnrgng <3 <3 #The graphics! The space! The levels from Portal 1! The cutesy Aperture animations and the three(!) voice actors! #I've completely fallen in love with GLaD's P1 design but honestly what could possibly compare to her P2 design she's so pretty <3 <3 #Stepping over her corpse to wake her up I'm normal I'm fine #And that we start in Test Chamber 1 and then fast track to 19 and end up in the toxic goo ravine fjdlsakfjsdf #I'm Fine I Swear #I forgot so many little details like the floor falling out or the buzz of the portal device (don't like but! Learned a new thing! - #- If while you're carrying Wheatley and you want the buzzing to stop just ''set him down'' - since he can't be set down lol #It cancels the noise :) Much nicer on the ears) #And Wheatley's voice actor ♪ His little flusters and chuckles hehe he's quite personably #I am So excited to get to the audio commentary fdjsalkjfdsf I found it and I'm biting biting biting #I have taken so many screenshots don't even get me started #Like all told for Portal 1 I probably took what like maybe 50 total? I'm probably already at 20 lol #Oh and I picked up a turret and it exploded on me :( I'm so distressed #I only want to knock over turrets I don't want them to explode!! Weh #Hhhh looking forward <3 Yay finally <3 <3 #WPVG

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

#isa screams #long post #gif #flashing #i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG #I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange? #its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though #I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly #but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do #its a tricky thing #but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay #if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG #thanks if you read this! I appreciate it! #I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express. #But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak #And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right? #And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get #part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions #am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am #I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life. #But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)

[frnkiebby]

That fucking cardigan~🎃

#he’s honestly so fucking pretty #what the fuck #todays gonna be low key i think #only slight screaming about frank #just slightly less than normal #just #just a little bit #but god just look at him #i fucking can’t he’s too much #too much prett #frnkiebby #frank iero #mcr #frnkiero #mcrmy #frnkie #mcr5 #my chemical romance #my chem #ilhsm

[ruegarding]

every time i see someone complain abt how percy treated nico after the accidental kidnapping in tlo i'm like. woah. you're surprised that the kid w anger issues was angry?

#gods forbid an nd character act nd #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo books #percy #min talks pjo #also his response is like pretty normal. like getting angry that ur friend lied to and manipulated u in a high stakes situation is normal #and taking a while to calm down abt it is also normal #like the greatest issue w this is that percy and nico don't talk abt the end of tlo but the end of tlo honestly sucks when u realize #that rick knew the entire time that he was going to write hoo

[ilivelikeimtrying]

I have this thing where when something traumatic or hurtful happens I laugh it off and make a joke, or even just smile and shrug and say "Ya, bida" (Well, life), and honestly I'm gonna project that onto Ambrosius because in no way does that boy have a healthy outlet with how much anxiety he has.

And Ballister is all too aware of this, and has come to learn what each smile and laugh from his boyfriend means. The ones that are genuine, the ones that are just for the camera, and the ones that mean that something just happened/someone just said something but if he stops smiling right now he's going to have a panic attack/break down and nobody wants that. Often he laughs off the things that seemed would have caused anyone else to explode or cry, and shrugging off a lot of things that should not be shrugged off. (However, of course, when it comes to Ballister, Ambrosius will literally throw hands with anyone who tries to mess with his precious bf).

Ballister learned how to help him with this, as he knew Ambrosius was a big help to him in his own brooding time, and wanted to pay it forward to his friend, and then later, his lover.

It's harder after the wall falls though, because Ambrosius doesn't believe he himself deserves any kind of help or sympathy after everything he's done, and Ballister hasn't fully healed yet, emotionally, mentally, or physically if we're being honest, to be ready to have those conversations just yet.

What's worse is that Ambrosius is wearing a new kind of smile, one that Ballister doesn't recognize or know what it means, but he knows well enough that it's not anything positive or good.

#nimona #went off the rails there a bit #ambrosius #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister #ballister boldheart #goldenheart #honestly these two need therapy of every kind #kinda just wanted to talk about when other people point out something in your life that seems pretty bad or fucked- #and you just kinda shrug it off laughing because at this point it has become normal to you so you don't know what other emotions to express- #and you weren't really allowed to or grew up in an environment where it was alright to show negative emotions- #so you don't actually know how to regulate them except for shrugging it of or putting on a smile- #even when the people around you are growing increasingly concerned