#ive of course been interacting with the fandom for a bit so i knew of the 'sorry for the deception' monologue but i though it was in s5? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

akampana · 3 years

Note

im the anon who asked for obscure artoria ships - tysm for answering! i knew you liked kojiro/artoria from early tpof, but ozymandias/artoria was unexpected! ozytoria sounds interesting from the way you describe it - ive always sort of seen it as an almost-giltoria dynamic minus the hostility and antagonism. i think that modern au idea sounds incredibly sweet 😭 honestly i like the idea of them but there is virtually no fancontent OR canon content of them (besides that one lartoria comment in ozy's interlude?) so its a half-built ship for me as of now. and yes, please talk about kojiro/artoria for the ship game! i'd love to see more of your thoughts on them. on nobu/artoria - YES nobu is incredibly beautiful its crazyyy. i got into shipping them because of mastoria/nobu in koha-ace, interactions in fgo and a user's thoughts on them here on tumblr (you can find them if you search up nobutoria).

Hi, @glowingarchive! good to see you in the inbox. :)

Oh, no way, really? Thought I was being subtle with Kojirou apparently not XD. And your thoughts on Ozy and Arturia, I totally agree. If you want, I made art for them a while ago, but didn't end up posting it.

*cracks knuckles* Alright, let's go.

Kojirou Sasaki X Arturia Pendragon - SHIP IT

What made you ship it?

This is gonna sound strange, but do hear me out.

My love for this ship evolved from the first time it caught my attention, but to be completely honest it all started with another ship: Diarturia.

After re-watching and re-reading FZ, FSN, and UBW, something kept coming up for me. We all know FZ is an incredible prequel sequel, created with stunning precision to fit the already existing narrative, which is why, even when consuming the series as a whole based on the timeline of events, Arturia's character still makes sense.

Their expert craftmanship made the fact that the 5th HGW is Saber's second attempt a lot clearer. Why? because it brings to the table a theme that was already there and yet not too fleshed out:

Deja vu. Or, in Saber's case, a double deja vu.

For example, this line:

Before Zero, it only means 'oh cool so she's fought spearmen before.' but after Zero, you finally know exactly who she's talking about.

But why do I say it's a double deja vu for her?

Let's begin with the obvious one. The parallels between Cú and Diarmuid are pretty clear. Like you just know Zero Lancer's character was patterned after the existing Lancer, but given another purpose. There are gifsets all over Tumblr that illustrate their similarity too.

BUT Cú and Arturia (ooh it kills me to say this) only just fall short of the borderline flirtatious "I wanna have a glorious fight to the death with you because you're worthy" energy. Furthermore, they meet only briefly.

So where did they get that?

Kojirou bloody Sasaki

More below the cut.

It's parallel time. (there are a few more but hnggg tumblr limits)

THEY PROTECC. THEY ATTAC. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY THEY WANNA FIGHT HER BACK.

No, but seriously. I don't think this is a coincidence. Diarmuid must have been some sort of amalgamation of Kojirou and Cú, the best of both. And that is also why the previous deja vu point hits harder.

Honestly, when that realization came, I was totally not expecting it. I was supposed to be looking for Diarturia crumbs and instead I found myself another whole-ass cookie. And one that unjustly has barely anything in the fandom, even if we have more straightforward lines like this:

Which is, by the way, one of the answers to the next question.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

So, now that you know how I got into shipping this, unorthodox as it seems, I think it's time to move past the parallels and into more solid ground.

Unlike other relationships that are more ambiguous and rely on potential, Kojirou's attraction to her is so in your face, it's refreshing.

Their banter is *chef's kiss*

It's only overshadowed because he so quickly became a gag servant, and ofc because the focus of the anime was Shirou. (Why did they do him like that though, he's actually so cool??? I mean, did Saber truly even beat him?? like???)

Saber comments on his skill with the sword, going so far as to say he outclasses him in swordsmanship. bruh, you can't take that lightly

They both see each other as worthy opponents. She literally tells him he's worthy of her full attention.

Kojirou sees her as the fulfillment of his wish, and Saber bloody actually gets to grant him the fight of his 'life' (FSN and UBW, not HF ;n;) when she couldn't do the same for a certain former rival. She even promises their fight's resolution because it is so important to her to see it through (UBW).

Kojirou really wants that fight, and fairly, without interruption. Which is why in FSN he goes as far as to stop the fight before Rider can spy on Saber's sword. And then later on, literally tells Shirou and Rin he doesn't give a shit about them, he just wants to fight Saber.

When he calls her out on holding back, especially since they're both running out of time, she apologizes and reveals Excalibur so they can fully face each other at full strength. UGH THE CHEMISTRY HGNGNGNGNGN. Also, since he knows this is their last fight, he's giving off "look at me, focus on me, don't think about anything else" vibes.

Also, man, Kojirou Sasaki really be out here serving up blatant eye smex every time they share the screen I swear to god.

Like let me give you a line from UBW 23, 19:08, right after Assassin notices she's damaged his katana

Arturia: Our positions...Assassin...are you... (that's what the subs say but Saber says "kisama" so I read it as "you bastard")

Kojirou, smirking: Is it wise to pull your blows? In this position, I could send you flying.

*Kojirou steps forward pressuring their locked swords and causing her to shuffle back a bit*

Arturia: Is that why you deliberately entered my range?

Look, Sasaki, we all see what you're doing, ya ain't slick.

Taken out of context and heck even *in* context that's sexual tension right there.

You better bet if he had the chance he'd be sticking that long-ass sword in-

Is there an unpopular opinion you have about your ship?

It's...baffling how unknown this ship is like...look at all that material. I mean of course it's going to be trounced in popularity by Shirou x Saber, GilArt, and Diarturia , but it should at least have accumulated enough of a following like Cuturia, for example.

Thank you for the ask! Hope you enjoyed the read as much as I enjoyed constructing this. :) feel free to share to gain more fans mwahahahahah join the dark side we have cookiessss

#akampana asks #seriously tho like #so underrated #kojirou sasaki #kojiro sasaki #assassin #saber #arturia pendragon #artoria pendragon #arturia #artoria #kojiro #slightly diarturia tho #yeah also tagging #diarturia #since it seems pretty relevant #even if not the focus

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theunconcernedembalmer · 3 years

Note

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships.

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative.

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear.

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me.

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

#mun rambles #its me the mun #unconcerned ramblings #posting this now cos this is a question ive been getting #although this has been worded in the most unnecessarily passive aggressive way possible that i do not appreciate #im wary about all u so called social justice warriors championing this n that liberal idea when all u want to do is stir shit #thankfully i dont have much experience with this but just passively seeing all these ppl run their mouths is getting very annoying #but just know that i will not tolerate any of that bullshit here. because if u really do care about ppl as much as u say u do #then why r u attacking ppl period #ur really just hiding behind a righteous excuse to harm people. thats disgusting. i dont want u here

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littlebitoffanfic · 4 years

Text

Celebration

Fandom: The Collector/The Collection Character: Asa Emory – the collector Relationship: Asa Emory/reader Request: Since I have seen you do some slashers, can I request Asa from The Collector? Something sweet where the reader works with him and is an alibi and then saves him when Arkin comes for him in the collection?

You knew him from your work although you didn’t know him well. Asa was a private man, reserved to his office and displays for the museum. You were tour guide with a hand in some of the office work. After all, the museum didn’t get an awful amount of funding to be able to employee more office workers. Today, you were happy. It was a sunny day, which meant people were less likely to come to the museum for an indoor activity. Your tours still ran ever 2 hours, but a smaller group had less questions and you could normally be done within an hour, leaving an hour free. You all but skipped down the halls like a school girl, your project held tightly in your arms as you stopped outside Dr Emory office. knocking three time, you waited for him. He towered over you, and had such a demanding presences that made you weak at the knees. Your crush on his was not unnoticed by your co-workers.

“Good morning.” You smile, trying your best to work through the flutters in your chest. “Its 1.30.” he stated, his eyes unreadable. “Oh, well, good afternoon. Could I steal a few minutes of your time?” You ask, nearly slapping yourself in the face for your mistake. His eyes darted to the folder in your arms and he stepped aside, allowing you to enter. This was a privilege in itself. Barely anyone was allowed within his office. But Asa seemed to tolerate you more than the others. Perhaps because you were his neighbour. Now that had truly been a happy accident. His previous neighbour was selling and you were looking for somewhere when you moved here. It just so happened that your neighbour to your left was also a co-worker. Entering his office was like entering a new world. The walls were decorated with various bugs throughout different ages in their lives. Butterfly’s, beetles and roaches but the most prominent member of his displays were spiders. Your attention was drawn to a particular specimen. Pinned in a shadow box was a blue spider. The sign under called it a Cobalt Blue Tarantula. “Wow, those markings are fascinating.” You mumble aloud, more to yourself that to the mans whos office you were in. “Truly. The Cyriopagopus lividum.. native to the borders of Thailand.” Asa speaks so fondly of the dead creature that it makes you smile slightly. There was no denying his love for his work. “Are they venomous?” You ask, purely out of curiosity. “Yes, but the venom not strong enough to kill an adult human. Although its not pleasant.” Asa walks past you to his desk and drawing you from your thoughts. “Now, you wanted something?” “Yes, I was wondering if you might help me with an exhibition.” You hold out the folder to him as you sit at the other side of his desk. He takes it and opens it, showing a sort of mood board you had put together ranging from other exhibitions to enclosures to photo life-spans of certain creatures. “an exhibition?” His eyes flick up to meet your own with curiosity. In truth, you hated how under appreciated he was at the museum and his knowledge should be put to good use. “Yes, for insects. Of course, I’d do most of the work, but I’d really apricate someone who I can fact check with and can offer some insight.” You smile sweetly, and the small smile that pulled at Asa’s lips told you that he was in.

-------------time skip ------------------

Your time spend with the entomologist was one of the most pleasant and interesting interactions you had had in a while. Walking to his office, you held your papers in your hands. You were about to knock when you heard voices inside. Pressing your ear against the door, you listened. “Dr Emory, unless you can provide an alibi for your whereabouts on Saturday evening, we will have enough to arrest you under suspicious of connection with the collector killings.” A voice spoke with authority. Your heart stopped. The collector killings had fascinated you ever since they had come to light. And Asa, well, he was a private man. If they were threatening such a thing, there must be something behind it. And you wanted to know. The two men that seemed to cloud your thoughts could be one. Your mind thought quickly as you came up with a plan. Knocking on the door, you walked in without waiting – something you never really did. Once inside, you acted like a deer in headlights. Two men sat opposite Asa’s desk in suits. “oh, sorry. Are you from the board?” You asked sincerely but you didn’t let them answer before quickly adding. “Look, Dr Emory and I are neighbours. Its perfectly reasonable for us to spend our evenings and weekends in each others company. Besides, if Tiffany told you about us, she has been having an affair with the janitor.” You could tell Asa was just as stunned as you were. One of the men smiled and stood. “You don’t need to be alarmed, miss. We are from the investigations team.” He then presented his ID badge to you. “Oh, gosh. I am so sorry.” You looked stunned, despite already knowing. “Its okay. But I am interested in what you said. Do you know where Dr Emory was on Saturday evening between 5pm and 11pm?” The man leaned back on Asa’s desk while the other twisted to fully look at you. “He was with me.” You said, talking to the two detectives. “At my house.” “with you? He said he was home alone.” The one with the strong jaw line narrowed his eyes at you. “Yes, well, its not against any policies, our director has been known to fire people for having… interpersonal relationships with colleagues. We’d agreed to keep it a secret. He would have been trying to protect me, in case this got out to the others.” You explain to them, not daring to look at Asa. You knew you were playing with fire here. But what you said wasn’t a stretch. The director had fired a member of the geology department… for sleeping with his wife in astrology. He really cared what staff did as long as they did their job. And didn’t fuck his wife. “Is this true?” He asked Asa, who gave a single nod. “And is there anyone who can corroborate this?” The detective asked you, more kindly than the others. “Not really. As I said, it was a secret so I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us. Although, you can ask half the staff in this building and they’ll tell you that ive had a crush on the man since I moved here, and they know we have been spending more time together. They are so fond of teasing me for it anyway.” You manage to draw a chuckle from one as he jabbed the other detective in the shoulder which earned a smile. Apparently, there was a similar situation going on where they were. “Right, well, we’d better be on our way. We’ll be back in touch soon.” The one sitting rose to his feet, nodding to both you and Asa before he and his partner left. They left and the door had closed for a brief moment before you felt someone grab your arm and you were twisted to meet Asa. He didn’t say anything and his cheeks were slightly red, but his ears were bright red. “So, you are the collector?” You breathe, looking up at him with a small smile tugging on your lips. “What do you want?” He growled, his voice low and menacing. Oh, he wasn’t happy. “I want to know.” You breath, stepping closer to him. “You take parts, right? What do you do with them? Keep mementos? Are you making something?” His nostrils flares out, obviously angry. You understood. You had let yourself into his world, and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He couldn’t kill you because it would point the fingers back to him. No, it was smart to keep you close. He let out an exasperated sigh, reaching up and pinching his brow. “look, once this has blown over for you, I wont say a word. I don’t expect anything for it. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.” You reassured him. “Why?” His eyes narrow at you, but you shrug. “honestly, you fascinate me.” You confess to the man, even more intrigued than before. You saw the smirk that twitched at the side of his mouth.

----------------- time skip ------------

The world of the collector was one you never dreamed you would see inside, and you loved it. It took trust to get him to let you see. First you saw the inside of the hotels lobby, then some traps, then some of the beautiful creations he made, then his prize possession. you never participated, but you provided a bit more support for him, offering help from the side lines in exchange for information and his time. If he was suspicious of you, he couldn’t deny the genuine interest in your eyes as he spoke, or how you hung on every word of his. He seemed to love how you marvelled at everything with a child-like innocents. Wide eyes and a curious mind. He kept you very close, at work and in your personal lives. It took 5 months in total for the cops to ease up off of Asa, but they still occasionally found their way to his house, watching it. He would come to yours in those situations, still keeping the façade up that you were in some kind of relationship. Not that you cared. You found that the two of you had a lot in common which made the time easily spent. Of course, his dogs loved you. When you came round to his, they were pawing at the floor to get to you but waited for their master to give them the signal to move. They really were puppies at heart. Also, sometimes you thought Asa just said they were there to spend time with you. Either way, you didn’t mind. Tonight, you were buried in a book when a harsh knock at your door made you jump but you hurried to answer it, finding a slightly wet Asa. You smiled, stepping aside and allowing him to step in. “You’d think the police budget within the millions by how much they come around.” You giggle, helping his jacket off his shoulders to hang up to dry. He hummed in response, wiping his face with a hand to try get the stray rain droplet off. “So, how was your recent game?” you asked as he followed you into the living room, where you had been reading. You collapsed back into the couch and held your book on your lap. “Uneventful. No one worthy to take.” He mused as he walked over to your book shelf and pulled out the book he had been reading last time. As he returned to your sofa to sit beside you – a show for the police outside – the book fell open to the page he had been reading. But instead of the paperclip he had been using to keep his place, it was a book mark. A novelty bookmark that you had swiped from the gift shop. It was one of those fake 3D ones, with spiders moving on green leaf’s. You raised your book over your mouth to hide your grin. “very amusing.” He soft chuckle left his lips as he placed it to the side. You giggled, moving to reposition yourself. Your sofa faced the TV which was to the right of the window. Meaning anyone who walked by outside could see in. but it was a quiet neighbourhood. Apart from the undercover police. You lay on the sofa, your legs draped over Asa’ lap which you rested your head on some pillows propped up against the arm rest. Asa rose the book without tearing his eyes away from it to allow your legs to move before lowering to rest his forearms on your knee and thighs. Despite being a bit of a play for the police, it began to feel a little more real. You would engage him in conversation through out the evening, and he would tear his attention away from the book to ask you about your day. In fact, you had started to think that Asa had missed this. With the police’s interest dwindling, so had his trips. Even your encounters in work were now limited as you had finished your exhibition. Or many it was just the part of you that had fallen so madly in love with the man that wished he wanted your company. Your eyes left the page to glance at his face. mature features with intelligent eyes. You hated how he could make your heart stop. Maybe this was fake to him, but it was so real to you. Turning your attention back to your book, you didn’t look up until the sun had fully set. Glancing at the clock, you were surprised to see it was nearly 10pm. “Gosh, I swear I’ll never get use to these changing sunsets. Every year it takes me by surprise.” You sit up, stretching as Asa chuckles. Leaning forward, you press a kiss to his cheek before lifting your legs off his lap to stand up. Asa followed, and you smiled when he marked his page with the bookmark you had gotten him. “You’re nearly finished. I told you it’s a page turner.” You nodded to the book, which he was nearly finished save for 50 pages. “Yes, all the more reason to come back.” He shot a look over his shoulder that made you smirk. Playful teasing had become something you adored in the man. It was another reason that made you doubt this was fake. They couldn’t hear what was happening, so why play around. Sliding the book back into the slot, he picked up the remote which had been forgotten on the sofa to go to the window and place it on the stand. A ploy for him to see if they were still watching the house. “I think you’re right. They get far too much funding. It could be going to the museum.” He mused as he turned back to you. Maybe they needed to see more. Or maybe you wanted more. Just to test the waters. Walking up to him, you reach up and placed your hands on his shoulders. “Kiss me?” You whisper to him, pressing your body against his own. Wide eyes met your own and you couldn’t help but giggle. “They can see through the window.” That was enough to encourage the man to duck down, pressing a kiss to your lips. he could have lightly kissed your lips and pulled away after a few moment, but he didn’t. In fact, you were sure he had forgotten all about the car outside. His arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled tight against his strong chest as his lips fought your own for dominance which you quickly surrendered. His tongue slipped inside your mouth, making you moan as reach up and place your hand on the back of his head near his neck to keep his mouth to your own. Not like he was pulling away any time soon. you felt him push you backwards and you allowed him to push you till your back hit the wall and he pinned you to it. they couldn’t see you anymore, but you didn’t care. Raising your right leg, you hooked it around his hip as his hand trailed down your side and followed the curve to your thigh, holding you in that position. He was driving you crazy, his touch was like fire as you cling to him. When he does pull back, you are left a panting mess with rosy cheek. But his tell was his red ears despite the smirk on his lips. “So, tell me, where does the line between fake and real stop?” he asks, keeping his face close to your own. “With a kiss like that.” You bite your lower lip, completely aware of how his hand had kept your leg hooked on his hip. “The police aren’t outside. They left over an hour ago.” Asa’s voice was low, barely about a whisper. “They did?” You raise your eye brows at him. A nod answers your question and you were left pondering your next move. “Good.” As leans down, sealing his lips over your own.

-----time skip ------

You were sitting in your living room, half heartedly flicking through the channel when you notice Asa’ car drive past your window. Smiling, you turn off the TV and grab your small bag. It was a Friday, which meant that Asa worked late. But it also meant you would be staying over with him. A few weeks ago, shit had really hit the fan. You really didn’t know what happened, expect that the hotel was burned to the ground, and Asa only just escaped with his life. He was badly hurt, and you were thankful that he had taken a week off for holidays. It had been holidays he was going to spend with you in his cabin up north, but plans changed. You stayed by his side during his recovery. Asa had lost nearly everything that night. His creations, his sanctuary, his dogs, his prizes. But he had been thankful to come home to you. He had extended his own holiday but you returned to work the next week. He said he had fallen while on a hike so no one questioned his cuts and bruising when he did go back. You took your bag and left your home for the evening, locking it up as you set to go to Asa. He had regained most of his energy and health back, which you were hoping he might be up for something a little more… activity related tonight. The lingerie in your bag certainly hoped so. he was already out the car and into the house as you walked up. But something caught your eye. In his living room, there was someone hiding in the corner. Your breath caught in your throat as you recognised the man. His name was Arkin. He had been the one who had escaped Asa, the one who caused his injuries. You only recognised him because Asa had pointed him out when the new came on one evening. And you highly doubted that he was here to say a friendly hello. Running around the back, you ducked under the window so as not to be seen. You ditched your bag in a bush as you made your way to the back door just as you heard heavy metal music blare through the house. You wanted to scream to Asa, but the glint you had seen in Arkins hands wasn’t enough to tell you if it was a gun or a knife. Slipping into his kitchen, you heard the music being turned off and then silence. You took a large knife from the knife block on the counter and held it as if to stab. And you were willing to. Then you slowly opened the bottom draw, which had some duct tape in it. You round the edge, only slightly pulling it off. If you were going to hurt someone, they cant make a lot of sound. You moved into the hallway which connected to the living room and dinning room. “All those insects. You’re quite the collector.” A voice, Arkins voice spoke, making you pause as you made sure no one knew you were here. “In a 200 mile radios from where we last saw each other, there are 14 licensed entomologists. You were number 12.” As Arkin spoke, you moved slowly down the hallway, looking behind you ever second in case someone else was here. “Your daddy ran a museum, didn’t he? Fucked you up real good.” His words made you feel sick. Asa never spoke of his father. His mother was held with high regard, and he said he wanted you to meet her when she was next in town. But he had shut off when you asked about his father. Arkin was right. “Turn around.” You pressed your back against the wall as you inched closer to the doorway. Tape in your left hand, the edge taped to your finger, and the knife in the other. You could see from the glass display cabinet that Asa and Arkin were standing face to face near the entrance to the dinning room. Arking had his back to you. And a gun raised at Asa’ face. Fear rushed through you as the analogy of ‘don’t bring a knife to a gun fight’ flooded your mind. “Are you here to kill me?” Asa spoke with a calmness you couldn’t fathom. “No. that would be too nice. First im gonna make sure feel everything that I felt. Then im gonna kill you.” You could hear the smugness in his voice. “So that you can never hurt anyone-“ He was cut off as Asa lunged at him. But Arkin gave a swift jab to the face, causing him to tumble back. Into a red box. Your gasp was covered as Arkin flipped the box and started slamming the lid shut again and again, growling “fuck you.” Before the lack closed. he stepped back, gasping for air. He thought he was alone. Darting into the room, you raise the knie and bought it down into his right shoulder and an angle. He instantly dropped the gun. Letting go of the knife for a moment, you grabbed the roll of tape and started wrapping it round and round his mouth. He had only just managed to let out a cry of pain as his legs gave way under him. He reached up, struggling so you grabbed the knife and pulled it from the flesh. Using the sharp, bloodstained blade, you cut the tape and he collapsed to the ground moaning. You gave him a quick kick in the face before kicked the gun that had fallen out of reach. The last thing you needed was neighbours calling the police for gunfire at the house. You raced over to the box. “Asa, its me.” You reassured him through the small walls in case he tried to attack whoever opened the box. When you pulled the lid open, he scrambled to his feet, the anger in his eyes blazing as he found his attacker on the floor. Arkin was groaning, unable to move just yet but you were sure he’d be up and about soon enough. “Your hands.” You whispered, reaching out and taking his right hand which was covered in blood from Arkin slamming the box down. Your heart broke. He had not long healed. Arkin began to come around, his eyes darting between the two of you as he realized what had happened. He looked at you with an unimaginable about of rage and anger in his eyes as he tried to scream. Asa darted forward, twisting him around and pinning him to the ground, a knee in his back and his hand pressing on the new wound. “The tape.” He commanded of you, and you immediately grabbed the duct tape which had rolled away slightly. Finding the end, you saw Asa grabbing Arkins left hand and you mirrored with his right. Bringing them forcefully behind his back, you taped them in place, then went to tape his ankles together. Once satisfied, Asa hauled the man off the ground and threw him into the box, the lid closing over with the force. Asa flipped the latch. Looking him inside. You didn’t realise you were panting and shaking until Asa was looking at you. Racing forward, you wrap your arms around his torso and bury your face in his chest. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” He ask, holding him as tightly as you could. A bloody hand stroked your cheek as another rubbed your back to sooth you. “No, you got here right on time.” There was a softness to his voice that made you melt as you looked up at him and smiled. “I’m too late to be a guard dog. Ludwig or Vivaldi wouldn’t have let him get close enough to hurt you.” You shake your head as you pull back, taking his hands in your own once again to inspect the damage. But he turned his hands over and took your own. “How about we go up to the cabin this weekend?” Asa askes, his question not very well fitted for the currant moment. “huh?” Your eyes glanced to the box which was moving slightly as Arkin struggled. “Oh, we’ll take him. And, since I am out of commission right now, perhaps I can show you some tricks.” Asa smirked as your eyes light up at his words. “Yes!” You bounce on the balls of your feet. You went up on your tiptoes to kiss him, resisting every urge not to pull him upstairs to his bedroom right now. Pulling back, you dart down and pick up the gun, offering it to Asa. “I’ll go get some stuff to see to your hands. And I’ll run back and pack a quick bag and then come and pack your things. I think I should drive, though. You’ll have to give me instructions.” You rattle off, the excitement obvious in your voice. “Oh, you’ll get use to taking instruction this weekend.” Asa whispered in your ear, making you blush and bite your lip with a smirk. Arkin seemed to get a burst of energy and started flaying around in the box, which only moved slightly. “He truly is annoying, isn’t he?” you huffed, hating the moment was ruined by him. Asa simply chuckled and walked up to the box, sitting on it and stopping it from shifting. As you flitted around, gathering supplies and seeing to his hands and then packing his things, Asa watched with a soft eyes. He would be lying if he said he trusted you from the start. And even more so if he admitted there had still been a small part of him that thought you were with the police. but that doubt was well gone. And this weekend, he wanted to celebrate this strange relationship. And oh, what a celebration it would be.

#the collector #the collection #asa emory #asa emory x reader #asa x reader #the collector x reader

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akaiaowl · 4 years

Text

Happy Stranger Things Day!!

It’s been 4 years since Stranger Things was first premiered on Netflix! (already?) This series is very close to my heart, since it managed to inspire me after 3 long years of writer’s block. To commemorate that, I’ll be posting the epilogue to my first fanfic on AO3: Reality in Motion (also known as RiM by some in the ST fandom). Here goes the summary and first chapter:

Reality in Motion

Modern College AU.

It hurt her to listen to the ruthless voice in her head, but, as much as she hated to admit it, El knew it was probably right. It had happened countless times before. Well, actually two. Two times in which El found herself feeling funny and giddy and hopeful about someone, only to be disappointed. It always ended that way. She was destined to be alone and it was probably for the best.

AKA: Socially awkward Jane Ives' first semester in college. Also AKA: Not your typical nice-boy-meets-drunk-girl-at-a-party Mileven fic (because of all the angst and slowwwww burn, be warned).

Chapter 1: Changes

Wednesday 29th, November 2017

If there was something El Ives put her mind to, she was sure to accomplish it. Always.

Well, most of the times.

As a matter of fact, today was one of the few rare exceptions to that rule. This, since Will Byers, El’s best friend, had managed to convince the otherwise socially awkward El to finally come with him that weekend to some party at a friend’s house.

They were both currently seating on the beige colored carpet of her dorm room, supposedly trying to be productive by getting their History 102 assignment done before the due date.

“Pleeease El! I’m about to beg you, it’s almost Christmas break and, for once, I’d like for you to come meet my friends and not stay locked up here again like a loser”, Will had been pouting at his friend for over two hours.

“Hey, I happen to like being a loser”, said El feigning indignation and scowling at her skinny best friend.

Will managed to hold back his smile at his oldest friend’s antics and maintained a serious expression for the sake of getting his point across. They’d been friends since the age of twelve and both knew just how determined the other could be. Holding each other’s stares defiantly in a silent challenge, neither of them wanted to give in.

As she stubbornly stared into Will’s lively brown eyes, El suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia wash over her. She had been having a few of those for a while now, especially whenever she thought back on their high school days on Hawkins High School. Actually, the biggest irony was thinking about how much she had looked forward to graduating and moving as far away as humanly possible from that hell hole she called hometown. Whereas, now, she couldn’t help feeling strangely homesick. As a matter of fact, lately, El was often ambushed by random flashbacks from her teenage years and usually found herself wishing she could somehow go back and do it all better.

She regretted everything, actually, except for her friendship with Will.

Their friendship was yet another reason El kept thinking back in nostalgia to her high school days: even though Will and her had managed to get accepted into their dream college together and even lived in neighboring dorm buildings, she felt him more distant than ever before. Worse than that, El was painfully aware that she was the reason of the increasing (figurative) distance in their friendship and she loathed herself for it. Now, more than ever, she hated herself for her apathetic and awkward personality. Why couldn’t she be a normal eighteen year old? Why couldn’t she just stop feeling so nervous around other people? Because of this she was finally managing to drive her best friend away, her partner in crime, after being the closest of friends for over half a decade.

For most of their first semester at college she had declined Will’s enthusiastic invitations to parties and any social events, preferring to skip them in favor of spending her afternoons in the solitude of her room either reading ahead or watching some movie or TV show. It was just easier that way, it seemed. El had never really been a social butterfly and she knew how much Will loved meeting and bonding with new people. So, she just figured that she could give him some space by making herself scarce.

However (and she’d never admit it out loud), as Will started spending less and less time with her and his invitations became rare occurrences, El began feeling terribly lonely (which was weird). She usually cherished her alone time, often glad she wasn’t out there fake smiling and making small talk, getting emotionally drained after overthinking and worrying over every tiny detail of her social interactions. Nonetheless, now, it just felt like a very different kind of loneliness.

El felt lonely in a bad way, a way she hadn’t felt for quite a long time: the kind of lonely she used to feel before meeting Joyce Byers and befriending her son, Will.

Finally, after glaring at Will some more, El lowered her gaze in defeat. Mostly because she missed spending more time with him, and also because she was a bit curious about going to a college party.

“Ok. Fine, I’ll go. BUT I’ll only stay until a reasonable hour and you better not be dragging me up there so I can be your designated driver”, answered El with an annoyed huff, hurling one of her fluffy pillows on Will’s general direction and feeling quite annoyed (mostly at her pathetic, abnormal self).

Her friend easily managed to catch the pillow midair and offered El a sympathetic smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. She knew he was worried about her spending so much time by herself – the fact that she had no roommate made it easier for her to just hide away for hours on end without any excuse.

“I’m only doing this for your own good El, you know I look out for you and it’s about time you start having a normal college experience and, you know, getting to know people. After all, the semester is almost over”.

--….--…--…---

Friday 1st, December 2017

El bit her lip as she stared at her reflection on the mirror critically. Was her top too revealing? Was her midsection looking gross and bloated? Should she put any make up on? Was her hair ok? Were jeans and sneakers too casual for the party?

Man, I badly needed a School of Life 101 crash course, El thought with a groan.

It was always on times like this that El really wished she had a roommate or a best friend who could actually give advice on these kinds of things. It was also on times like these that El regretted not learning about this stuff back on high school. Finally, after examining her reflection some more, she decided to change her sneakers in favor of her black leather boots and apply some lipstick to her dry lips.

Feeling quite nervous, she turned her phone screen on and was surprised to see several messages from Will.

8:02 pm U excited yet for your first college party?

8:03 pm Totally getting drunk as skunks 2nite.

8:46 pm Waiting for the guys, we’re coming to pick u up

9:29 pm On our way, expect a call in 15

9:44 pm Almost there

9:59 pm Ok, let’s go

*3 missed calls from MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD*

10:03 pm Pick up the phone

10:11 pm We’re waiting downstairs

10:27 pm What the hell u doing? We’ve been here for ages

El was surprised to find out how long she had taken to get ready, her nervousness was really not helping. As quickly as possible, she grabbed her tiny purse and keys and made her way out. At that very moment, her phone screen lit up and the contact name Will had programmed for himself popped up.

*incoming call from MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD*

Smiling, El answered.

“I’m sorry, I completely lost track of time, that’s all. I’m almost there”, she said breathlessly while making her way down the flight of stairs.

“No problem El, just making sure you were still up for it”, answered Will sympathetically.

“Wait. So did I actually have an option?” replied El only half joking.

She really was terribly nervous, like she always was whenever she had to face a new social situation.

Will laughed at her lame attempt at making a joke and was silent for a bit, maybe trying to empathize with his best friend’s nervousness.

El could hear Will’s friends talking loudly on the background:

“We need to hurry if we want to get wasted before the night ends, that’s kind of the point of tonight”, a loud male voice whined pathetically.

“Hey, I’m actually enjoying watching this show”, another male voice answered in fake annoyance.

“Booooooring”, someone else interjected.

“You’re too lame Wheeler”, the first voice teased.

The conversation on the background grew faint as El realized Will must have walked away from his friends to talk to her privately.

“Everything will be fine and you’ll have fun, you’ll see. If you feel uncomfortable or something you have us”, finally whispered Will before hanging up.

El had really tried to avoid meeting Will’s friends for a while now, feeling resentment and jealousy towards them because her best friend spent most of his time with them now and talked all the time about how fun and loyal they were.

It actually made sense that they spent time together since they were all taking science related careers and had most of their classes together – Will was an engineer major, like Lucas, while Dustin and Mike were physics majors.

It was silly, she knew.

Calm down El, it’s going to be ok, Will’s friends are probably as nice as him.

Finally, El got to her building’s common area. She saw four guys sprawled comfortably all over the beige couches, two of them were fighting over the remote and the other two were trying to watch whatever show was on TV.

They didn’t notice her presence until she started timidly approaching Will, who was gazing at the screen with mild interest. He was the first one of the group to notice her and his face was instantly filled with a broad smile.

“You’re finally here!” he exclaimed, startling everyone.

“Guys, this is El”, Will said loudly. Then, pointing at each of the guys next to him, he introduced them, “These are Lucas, Dustin and Mike”.

“Thanks for waiting”, El managed to smile at them without making eye contact. She hoped they didn’t notice her nervousness.

“No problem”, said the smallest one of them, Dustin, “honestly, we were all dying to finally meet you”.

“Yeah, we had a bet going on about Will’s friend being imaginary”, laughed Lucas.

Upon hearing that last comment, El snorted while trying to contain a laugh and turned to look at Will with amusement. Her friend merely shrugged.

“See how you make me look bad El?”

“Oh, it was only for the sake of making the bet more interesting”, answered El with a laugh, “it would have been no fun without the mystery, now would it?”

The guys smiled, amused, and the air significantly relaxed. She felt a tiny bit more comfortable, and the voice in her head repeating her own doubts and fears in a loop grew quiet for the first time that night.

“So, who won the bet?” asked Will, looking at his friends.

“Me”, said the tallest boy, Mike, smiling.

He was the only one who hadn’t spoken up yet, but she recognized his voice from her phone call with Will – he was the one who claimed to be enjoying the TV show while they waited for her to arrive.

Overcome by curiosity, El risked a glance up at him and was surprised to find him already looking at her, matching her interest. They made eye contact.

“So thank you for being real, I guess”, he said smiling kindly at her.

She quickly averted her gaze, not knowing what to do or how to respond, and tried to keep her upcoming blush from actually showing on her face. It wasn’t even a compliment, why was she reacting like this?

Social awkwardness truly sucked.

There was a short moment of silence, which was (thankfully) quickly broken by Lucas.

“Ok, let’s get going”, said Lucas enthusiastically as he strode to the nearest exit.

--….--…--…---

Saturday 2nd, December 2017

She’d drank too much, too soon.

Of course, the fact that Will kept refilling her red solo cup with mysterious mixes of liquor didn’t help at all. But she wasn’t complaining at all. All things considered, El found the whole experience quite interesting. Actually, she was pleased to realize that the alcohol numbed that voice that constantly reminded her of all her insecurities and flaws. She found this quite liberating.

She felt like she could do anything. Be anyone she wanted.

Will’s friends had left them to join a game of beer pong not so long ago, which had also helped El feel a whole lot more relaxed. Up until then, she had been too scared of acting like a weirdo around the guys and so she had barely talked.

For the first time in a long time, no worries or guilt lurked El’s mind.

As time went by, the music surrounding her stopped being too loud and the vibration of the bass on the floor actually made her lively in a way she had scarcely felt before. Before she knew it, her foot was tapping the floor to the beat of the unknown song. She tried to pay attention to whatever Will was saying (maybe a funny story about someone in one of his classes? What was that about a teacher?), but words kept jumbling around making it hard for her to understand anything at all.

My thought process is screwed up, El thought.

Suddenly, it occurred to her that that was the funniest, wittiest thing she had ever come up with, so she giggled uncontrollably.

Will smiled affectionately at the giggling girl beside him. He had really tried to be a good friend that night, staying with her the whole time – probably suspecting that if she got to feel too awkward, she’d escape the party.

“I loooooove you so much Willy Will”, said El hugging her friend, “do you know that?”

El’s ears suddenly caught onto a tune, alerting her of something.

Something quite urgent.

Do you recall, not long ago We would walk on the sidewalk? Innocent, remember? All we did was care for each other

“BYERS!!!! COME ON!” she exclaimed giddily, standing up clumsily and dragging her skinny best friend to the middle of the room, “IT’S OUR JAM!”

But the night was warm We were bold and young All around, the wind blows We would only hold on to let go

Will could only smile at her random behavior. He had never been a good dancer and he had not drank nearly as much as El had, so he just sort of awkwardly tried shuffling his feet and swaying his body to the catchy song.

“BLOW A KISS FIRE A GUN, WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE TO LEAN ON”, El was screaming while swaying her hips wildly, her eyes were closed, “BLOW A KISS FIRE A GUN, ALL WE NEED IS SMEBODY TO LEAN ON”.

Will tried his hardest to keep up with El’s moves, but she was like a woman possessed, jumping around and twirling in every direction. It seemed that all those months of pent up energy – probably gathered after all those afternoons of voluntary isolation – were finally finding an outlet. After a couple of songs and happy to see his friend finally having fun, Will decided his job there was done.

“El. El! EL!!” he screamed to get her attention.

She faced him, smiling wildly. Her face shiny with sweat from the exertion and the warmth in the room. Will couldn’t help mirroring her grin.

“I just can’t keep up with you!” he said teasing her, “I’m gonna go find the guys”.

El stuck out her tongue at him and waved goodbye.

“YOU’RE SUCH A KID ELEVEN!” Will exclaimed as he headed to the other room, where he last saw his friends heading to.

--….--…--…---

Her feet were killing her.

El made her way to the nearest sitting space she could find, a couch on the left side of the room. She sat down for a minute in the crowded couch, slowly trying to move her toes so she didn’t feel them cramping anymore. She was currently sandwiched uncomfortably between a sleeping guy and a couple making out. She tried to ignore the snores and the sounds the couple were making.

She hadn’t seen Will or any of his friends for at least a couple of hours and she was not about to go wandering off looking for them. Will was probably drunk by now, maybe talking to the cute guy from their History 102 class that he always rambled on about. El smiled fondly, remembering how much of a hopeless romantic her best friend was.

She tried laying back on the couch and closing her tired eyes, but everything was too hot and her feet hurt too much. It was way too uncomfortable.

El glanced hopefully at the glass doors that led into the balcony. With any luck, there wouldn’t be anyone out there smoking.

She hated the smell of tobacco. It reminded her of him.

El shut her eyes tightly, desperately trying to chase away the memories that begged to be replayed on her mind, and massaged her throbbing temples. She tried to take a deep, calming breath and relax somehow, but the air felt too moist and everything smelled like alcohol and sweat. Suddenly, she was too aware of the extremely loud music and the annoying presence of the people around her. And there were too many people. Too many unfamiliar faces. Frustrated, El opened her eyes slowly, glancing around at the room full of strangers.

Dejection filled her thoroughly, tonight had been great so far and she just happened to ruin it by opening a door she had closed more than five years ago. She’d promised it would never haunt her, never hurt her again. But it was always there, lurking. It was always him, never allowing her to escape his choking grip.

Without even thinking about it, she had started walking on the opposite direction of the balcony, towards the main door of the house. As she stepped outside of the house, she couldn’t help noticing the wide brown door was ajar. El moved forward taking slow, deliberate steps, knowing her balance was far from being the most stable.

She glanced around quickly.

Sighing in relief at the fact that she had apparently managed to escape the smokers, El leaned on the nearest wall and stared off into the darkened streets and houses. Her body still felt light, but most the energy she had at the beginning of the night had ebbed away by now, leaving her exhausted. Soon enough, she noticed that the volume of the music and the noise from the house was once again bearable for her. However, without the loud (loud! loud!) music infecting her thoughts, she was left at the mercy of the familiar cold voice in her head: it was her own voice, but ruthless and emotionless, and it never tired of always repeating everything she didn’t want to hear.

She wondered what time it was, she was too lazy to get her phone out and check the time. Her fuzzy brain was making everything a lot harder.

“You ok?” a familiar voiced questioned.

El found herself staring up into the freckle-covered face of one of Will’s friends.

“Just tired and hot”, she replied, “it’s like a freaking oven in there”.

He just chuckled.

“Why are you out here?” she suddenly asked.

“Oh, just getting some air to clear my head”, the tall guy answered shrugging, “I am the lucky soul who gets to be the designated driver for tonight”.

El smiled in amusement.

His name is Mike, El suddenly remembered, her scattered, hazy thoughts becoming a tiny bit clearer.

“You know, I was convinced the only reason Will invited me here was so I’d have the honor of being the DD”.

They remained in a comfortable silence for a while, both staring off and busy with their own thoughts.

“Will is worried about you”, Mike stated after a while.

“I know”, El answered sadly, “it’s just hard for me, you know?”

Mike furrowed his brow in confusion.

“No matter how hard I try, it’s hard for me to feel comfortable or relaxed or even normal around new people or in new places”, she explained almost in a whisper.

“It’s ok to feel that way”, he said like it was the most natural thing in the world, his gaze showing empathy.

El snorted, fully aware that no, it was not okay to be such an introverted freak. She was not stupid. She knew it was a limitation, something that held her back from experiences and people and things she really wanted. She was all too aware that it was what isolated her from everyone and ultimately stood like a solid barrier, shielding her even from the ones she deeply cared about.

“I felt very lonely coming here at first”, Mike confessed smiling crookedly in her direction, “I consider myself a lucky guy, having Dustin as a roommate and meeting Lucas and Will on my first week here”.

“Will is an amazing friend”, El answered smiling, “and all of you seem like pretty cool guys”, she added honestly.

Mike blushed a bit and lowered his gaze, focusing on his wristwatch.

Who even owns a wristwatch these days?, wondered El with amusement as she glanced at him with the corner of her eye.

“Hey, it’s barely 1 am, how do you feel about going for a drive and coming back to pick up our friends’ drunken asses?” suddenly asked Mike.

Full story: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12840366/chapters/29318523

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #mileven #mileven fanfiction #mileven fanfic #stranger things angst #stranger things day #mike wheeler #mike and eleven #eleven #jane hopper #el hopper #el and mike #eleven and mike #mileven fluff #st #fanfiction

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5sosbitchfest · 4 years

Text

Alrighty, Nonsters. We currently have 290 Asks in our box! As much as we might try, I know there is NO WAY we’re going to be able to get through all of them. Everything exploded this weekend when MessyGate went down! I don’t want to ignore any asks just because I already answered a similar one. So, I’ve tried to gather as many similar Asks as possible to let your your voices be heard. Y’all are definitely NOT alone in your feelings. Get ready for a lot of opinions on Messy’s Twitter Drama.

Also, if you sent in an Ask and we haven’t answered it yet, please feel free to resubmit it! I do try to scroll through all of them but it is a daunting task and personal stuff and work make it difficult for me to get through everything in a timely manner!

********************************

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’m really disappointed in Luke and this band in general, the way they deal with things. “honest policy” with messy? So he knew all of this and it was okay? Or he confronted her on this and he is okay with what she has done? I’m not sure this whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, but it certainly would make me real mad at my SO and some whiny excuses wouldn’t be enough to make things alright. Radio silence would’ve been much better than that story he posted, made himself look like a fool.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls will sooner or later become their downfall if their management or them does not realise they should rely on other things than bringing relationship up front to sell their music. I find it extremely bad that they are behaving as if nothing happened, I hope there will be changes once touring will be possible again and we won’t see these girls tagging along everywhere or being brought up in interviews all the time but somehow I’m not counting too much on that.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder if Luke knows everything that Messy got exposed for or just the parts Messy wanted to show him. Bc Luke said in his Story that he wasn't online lately so maybe he wasn't on Twitter too and Messy just showed him the parts that make her look good and he still doesn't know that she spoke bad about Ashton or how she stalked the fans also after she knew that they didn't hack his email adress cause he wasn't on Twitter so he couldn't see the screenshots.🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm just waiting for the day one of them date someone who isn't a part of their circle. tired of them passing around the same toxic girls.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls are just digging a whole for these guys and they want be able to get out of it soon

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It was a chicken move for Sierra to do it as a reply and no one has talked on twitter that she deleted it because they probably think her deleting it is saying it wasn’t true

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Am I the only one who thinks that guys really only heavily interact with us when they want to promote something or say something about the music? I do understand they have lives so being on Twitter isn't number one priority and with all the drama that surrounds this fandom its very easy to not want to be online a lot, I just can't help but feel that way

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm talking about this messy situation (no pun intended) with my friend and she said to me that Messy should consider changing her career if she can't handle that not all people are going to like her. (that ofc doesn't include any form of harassment bc that's not cool)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I really don't know how to feel about the Luke situation. At first I was upset and disappointed of Luke but now I almost pity him bc real or not either the management would want Luke to defend her or Messy. And I think Luke isn't the kind of person who would stand up against the management or Messy (even though it would probably be better for him if he would). And most people don't realise when they're in a toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. I just hope this ends asap.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I literally was so angry and frustrated with Luke and this whole situation yesterday that I couldn’t even look at him on my home screen, I had to change it. It’s really a disappointing thing to witness. Whether management put him up to this or he genuinely believes this toxicity is okay, I’m just very grumpy with him at the moment. He deserves better and WE (the fans) deserve better.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I think Luke really needs to be in a relationship with sb who either isn't famous and doesn't want to be or with someone who is famous bc they have a successful career too and who doesn't need Like to be famous.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’ve only seen a few accounts on Twitter who are attacking Messy and Crusty to the core and exposing every bad thing they’ve done with receipts for the sossies defending them! I’m happy that karma is finally getting to those con artist who think they can get away with anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: that recent lierra picture is photoshoped lmao. if you look at Sierra's hand you can see color coming off from it and her arm looks hella weird.her forehead looks hella weird and look couldn't have taken the picture because I doubt that he could stretch his arm that far and make a perfect picture. also we haven't even seen Sierra's face so I still don't believe they're together

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The Lemon pic was like a punch in the face (even though Petunia and Luke are looking cute there). But I've been asking myself lately if Luke has seen the whole drama going around on Twitter or just the posts Messy wanted him to know so the ones who make her look like the victim (and not the ones where she insulted Ashton or she made it clear that she stalked his fans). Cause Luke said he hasn't been online lately.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I mean we dont know how much of the story he truly is aware of and how much s changed to fit her narrative and get L to feel bad for her. Plus he was under pressure from management to do damage control and not standing up for his gf is a very bad look for outsiders who dont understand why she's at fault. It was a pretty neutral statement and he was obviously told to make the post so I dont blame him and just blame her more for putting him in the situation in the 1st place

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder how much toxicity happens behind the scenes, we know S is very manipulative and L is very much a people pleaser so.. and with how much they have to sell their "love" and "happiness" in the relationship. Minipulation is a powerful thing and it could explain why hes out of touch with reality, especially lately since he's isolated with her and doesnt have the voices of the band to raise any concerns and he's been getting skinny again and seems very "meh" rather than happy, idk

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel so disconnected with this fandom rn. I feel like no one is streaming CALM and that makes me sad bc it's such an amazing album. The boys aren't even online anymore, everyone is mad at each other and now Luke comes up with this shit... tbh I wish I would wake up tomorrow and see him tweeting something like yeah I'm sorry about my ig story I still love y'all lmao

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Wait wait wait wait ive been gone from the fandom for a little while now and what the fuck is going on with Luke and S? What did S do that she made a fake ass apology for?? I’m so lost please help me! 😂

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals unstanning and I'm just so mad bc Sierra started this drama and got Luke into it and I'm sad that people are leaving bc of this, it's just too much toxicity and it shouldn't affect the band and their connection with the fans but with Luke saying this he makes it seem like he supports the ugly things she does

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I am a Luke stan and I've always loved him bc he has inspired me so much through the years but when he does this things it's like...damn. I feel like he's invalidating the fans' feelings by being like "if you don't like my girlfriend, ur fake" like he has never noticed me on Twitter or anything but my biggest fear is to be blocked by him or just ignored bc I don't like her (although I never expressed it publicly) n yeah anyways :// It feels weird

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Going back and re-reading the DM’s messy literally confirms that she accesses Luke’s account by saying “we couldn’t get in” or some shit like that

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate being a luke stan, sometimes it just seems like he doesn't care? he always puts these toxic gfs before the ones who adore him and pay his bills. might just move into Cashton's lane. unproblematic kings.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: He literally posted a picture of him cuddling her and petunia within the hour

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The saddest part of this situation is it’s like a repeat of Arzaylea. Luke has no idea what a respectful, mature relationship is. We saw it with Arz and were seeing it again it’s just a little bit different. He stays being controlled and manipulated by toxic partners. I really think homeboy needs to be single for a WHILE and focus on himself. He needs to unlearn the things his past and current relationships have taught him about love because if I know anything, it’s that this ain’t real love.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Is it bad that I just want the larzaylea drama back?? Like everyone could at least agree on their feelings then...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Just checked messy’s insta and of course, everyone that still supports her filled her tagged with just the single picture

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel like the reason Sierra is getting away with what she’s done is because she isn’t that known. Like yeah she’s associated with 5sos, but they’re also like not that big which is probably why it’s getting swept under the rug. I’ve only seen the 5SOS fandom calling her out for her actions. If this had happened with a well known celebrity, they probably would’ve been dragged and been trending on Twitter. I might be wrong but I feel like this is what’s happening which is just unfair.

#kirby #luke #lemon #messy #messygate #messy's twitter drama

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celticat21 · 4 years

Note

I, II and IV for all of them (if you have time!)

Wow I didn’t expect an ask so fast, but thank you! *Cracks knuckles* Let’s get started.

Alessa:

I: Alessa would have met Julian, formally anyway, the night she got into a fight with her ex. (This would be pre-plague.) Since her head was bleeding heavily after a vase was thrown at her head, she went to see Julian for help. Though he tried to ask, she just shrugged it off and said she was helping the potter put away some things when a pot fell on her. It started an inside joke with them, actually, that whenever she’s clumsy and gets a bruise or something Julian will say “Helping the potter again?”

II: Alessa saw Julian as suave, intelligent, compassionate, and a little nosey. Julian felt Alessa was a bit defensive, quiet, but witty when she wanted to be. For the most part, Alessa didn’t feel different, except she realize what a huge dork Julian was and that he didn’t have as much confidence as she initially thought. Julian realized Alessa is not a very quiet person, and she would open up more as they knew each other better.

IV: It was more of a slow burn, with them both being regulars at the Rowdy Raven, but of course then the amnesia and events of the game happen. Considering they all happen in a few days, and their past, it was love at first sight the second time. Other than professing their love in game, Alessa would have professed her love immediately after realizing she had come down with the plague, but probably through a letter so Julian wouldn’t want to get close.

Tabitha:

I: Tabitha met Volta one day while having tea with Nadia. Volta had smelled the food and came over. Nadia noticed Volta’s interest immediately and helped set them up on a date.

II: Tabitha thought of Volta as shy, timid, but well intentioned and absolutely adorable! That didn’t change, though she did see Volta as more brave as, at least in certain routes, Volta stands up to the other courtiers despite being afraid of the consequences. Volta thought of Tabitha as being very confident, kind, but also kind of intimidating. She realized Tabitha was very understanding, though, especially if Volta got over excited and her signs were hard to read.

IV: Volta probably professed her love on their first official date. She seems like the very excitable one to jump into it. Tabitha was flattered and something about it just told her that she was meant to be with Volta, so she said it back. It was definitely love at first sight.

Freya:

I: Freya literally bumped into Vlastomil in the market one day, causing him to accidentally drop his container of worms. The market was rather busy and it was difficult not to run into other people. After Vlastomil told her not to worry, because “All 30 of his children were accounted for”, Freya became very confused and asked him to elaborate. At that point he went off talking about all of his worms and how amazing they are. He sounded so cute and passionate, she wouldn’t dare stop him.

II: Freya had heard about Vlastomil before, and how he was very snobbish and felt superior, but after meeting him she felt he was very passionate, yet lonely. He had a lot of love to give and only the worms to give it to. When she got to know him better she found he was very protective, as well as doting. Vlastomil thought of Freya as rather intelligent, but meek and quiet. He would learn real quick that she is very willing to put you in your place and serve up some just desserts. She is only quiet when listening to other people talk, but she certainly can talk your ear off when she wants to.

IV: After witnessing Freya speaking to the worms like a loving worm mother he immediately professed his love for her. It happened a few days into the relationship but Freya said it back. Not quite love at first sight, but it was pretty fast.

Winona:

I: Winona met Asra first when they were young teens, around 15. Winona was working on a ship that had docked in Vesuvia, and saw a curious kid with puffy white hair. They awkwardly flirted for a bit but Winona knew they couldn’t have a real relationship as they were constantly traveling and never knew if they come back to stay in the same place.

II: Winona immediately thought Asra was adorable, a total dork, and a bit of a show-off. Their idea of him didn’t really change after they got into a relationship. Asra thought Winona was funny, tough in more ways than one, and very excitable. Similarly, his idea of them didn’t change much. The only thing was that Winona was much less likely to fight someone than he originally thought, since Winona had learned to be on guard due to their life at the time.

IV: For Asra I believe it was love at first sight, but Winona was surprisingly mroe difficult to accept the idea of being in love. After returning to Vesuvia to take over the shop, Asra stopped by to meet them again. Again, theres a canon way they confess their love in game, but pre-plague Asra would have confessed his love with Winona not really ready to. After the events of the game, though, they were much more willing and excited to fall in love, after forgetting the reason they were apprehensive about it in the first place.

Zira:

I: Zira would have met Valdemar pre-plague while exploring the palace library. She saw right though Valdemar’s bull immediately and didn’t fall for their “I smile all the time, aren’t I scary?” thing. If anything, her flirtatious nature probably turned Valdemar off at first, but she was such a strange and unique specimen that they would put up with it at first if it meant getting to learn about her species.

II: Zira thought Valdemar was intelligent, curious, and general a trying-too-hard-to-be-scary person. She did end up seeing them as legitimately scary and threatening and learning more about them, but somehow she didn’t believe they would really hurt her. Valdemar only saw Zira as a potential specimen to cut open and inspect, but truth the told they needed to ask her questions first. They couldn’t let the opportunity to get information directly from her on her own species, before potentially killing her. Then again, they had no such desire to kill her after they started regularly meeting up so Valdemar could conduct their research.

IV: Valdemar isn’t one to profess love, really, and Zira was more than open about her feelings toward them since the beginning. Not “love at first sight”, but a mutual interest in how strange they each were brought them closer together, and Zira was hearing wedding bells after seeing how Valdemar interacted with her daughter Masha. Where everyone expects Valdemar to be the worst with kids, I assume they usually don’t care about them but something about Masha and Zira actually brought up some old feelings they weren’t used to. Although I like to think after Zira flat out said “I love you” that Valdemar just paused and went “Thank you.”

Katarina:

I: Katarina met Nahara at the palace with Nadia and Navra. Much like the romance tale, Nadia had asked them to take Navra and Nahara around the city. Navra left when they got to a festival and she saw people dancing, so Kat took Nahara to their mothers restaurant. Kat did not have their wheelchair with them, unfortunately, as they greatly overestimated their stamina, but luckily Nahara could carry them home. ;)

II: Katarina could not help but stare at Nahara’s muscles. Their type is definitely a strong, muscular woman. They also thought at first she would be more judgmental and intimidating, but eventually learned Nahara is actually very kind and caring, as well as the farthest thing from judgmental. Though, she can be intimidating if necessary. Nahara thought Katarina was cute, but probably pretty fragile by her seemingly timid demeanor. She did learn, though, that Katarina is able to hold their own in a fight, and very passionate about their art and ambitions. “Full of life” is the best way she would describe them.

IV: Katarina, in all honesty, had been having dreams of Nahara for a while, without knowing who she was. They even sculpted her in her studio. They were, however, very worried about admitting their feelings too soon, but after Nahara went to their studio and saw the sculpture of herslef, Katarina told her about the dreams and how she was in love with her. Luckily, Nahara felt the same!

Granted, some of the character descriptions and events might be a bit OOC or not directly coincide with the game, but I haven’t played the game in a long time. I’m mostly just active in the fandom because everyone has created such wonderful and interesting characters!

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realisaonum · 4 years

Text

Spread the love; be generous with your authors

Several people have asked me what happened to my fics, and for a while, I wasn't sure I even wanted to post a public explanation of what happened, since I have a feeling my reasoning might start Discourse or some crap. However, considering as it’s Thanksgiving and I have already received two asks today over this issue I felt like it might be time to break the silence, because the irony of that was just too much honestly.....[continue reading below the cut]

Before I get into it, I want to say: I am not interested in anyone’s explanations or reasoning for not commenting. Nor do I want their opinion on my decision to take either of my a/k fics down. There is a reason I didn’t make an announcement they would be deleted. Nor is it a cry for attention. It’s not meant to start a discussion. This is not a decision that can be shifted by one or two folks suddenly pretending to give a shit about my feelings now that they have been negatively effected. We’ve all made our choices. It is what it is. I will not be reposting either story. Having said that…..

I’ve spent three years of my life working on these two stories. Over that time, I have gathered a small, dedicated following. I’ve received thoughtful engagement with a lot of my updates of BRM and AK and that’s kept me going in the face of increasing hatred of the source text.

Until part iv.

Of all my adamk fic, this update undoubtedly had the poorest response and it’s not just because it was too long for people to read. I know people read it. They told me. And then….just chose not to elaborate on that.

It might sound a bit bitchy to tally up the number of comments I get and compare their content, but I want to see people engage with my story—and let’s be real there was a lot of part iv to engage with. So when a majority of responses—not just comments on ao3 but other places with people I consider good friends—consisted of basically two sentences telling me they loved it and that it was great or they finished it in one sitting; I was surprised. This is not real engagement. Frankly, only four people gave me a substantive response to part iv of AK.

I had so many people come tell me they had finished it and that it was great and...nothing else. No elaboration about their favorite interaction, not what scene resonated most with them, not even what they didn’t like….Of course, I knew it was a very long section of story to read. It was a lot to process and, like my taking so long to write the story in the first place, I figured if I wanted a thoughtful engagement with what I wrote I would need to be patient.

Only—aside from one very wonderful comment that came a few weeks after I published—that hoped for thoughtful engagement never came.

For several weeks, I had been trying not to look at my feelings about this lack of response head on, because I knew I would only feel let down and frustrated to put it euphemistically. I ask for comments every time I post, but frankly there are only so many ways to ask readers to comment without it becoming debasing. Why should I have to beg for something readers on any fanfiction site should be doing anyway? Complaining about a lack of response or threatening readers to take it down like some kind of mercurial child is embarrassing. Besides, comments written under that kind of duress hardly mean the same as when a reader writes to the author under their own volition.

But I spent a long time working on part iv. I really struggled with sections of it. It was a lot of work and I am very proud of it. I know it has some of my best writing in it and some of the most moving scenes for the characters as well. There was no way this part, where there were so many subplots, so many highs and lows for the characters, so much promise of what was to come, didn’t have something there to resonate with readers. So then they just couldn’t be bothered to tell me their thoughts—which is unacceptable. It was 111k; that’s novel length. It was a novel for free! I spent a year and a half trying to get this right and they can’t spend ten more minutes to write a few sentences about what struck them? Excuse me for expecting too much apparently.

Until a month and a half ago, I never understood why a fic author would delete their work, even if they weren’t gonna finished the piece. But staring down the barrel of two more years of writing (optimistically) to get the last three parts of AK done, only to get a similar—and in my opinion very un-giving—response to something I have dedicated so much of my life and soul to was untenable. Despite all the work I had already put into writing upcoming scenes for AK and BRM and loving them both dearly, I could not in good conscience do that.

This kind of hit and run reading behavior is something I associate with published fiction, not fandom. Knowing people sped read through it and then didn’t take a fraction of that time to communicate their feelings about what they had just read made me feel really gross. Considering how much time I dedicate to writing, when my primary feelings towards my work are of being taken advantage of by my readers, that is not a good place to dwell. It is an especially not good place to dwell when I hate the source text with the passion of twenty-billion burning suns. Clearly, how betrayed I feel about this is not particularly healthy and obviously I need to step away from fandom culture for a bit. So that is what I am doing. I am trying not to be bitter and give myself the space to grieve my two stories because I won’t be finishing them in their original glory.

Now all these people are coming out of the woodwork to demand where my stories went, when they sure as fuck didn’t have anything to say to me when they were still on ao3. I find this to be monumentally disrespectful. I spent a year and a half working very hard on something none of you felt the need to share (with me) that you engaged with in any real sense; you all should know why I took it down. That un-engagement was a clear demonstration to me that you did not care about the effort it took for me to write my fics and that I should be doing something else with my time.

Do you see how ridiculous it is to come talk to me over the stories being deleted when you had nothing real to say when they were up? That's a pretty shitty kind of irony.

Look, I know I’m a good writer. That kind of validation was never what I was asking for. What I wanted to know is what specifically in my writing affected you. I am really not interested in the excuse 'you loved it, but didn’t know what else to say.’ As if I myself didn’t struggle with writing some of my story? Of course I did, but I made an effort and I found a way through it. There are more than enough guides on the internet to help improve a person’s commenting. If you gave a shit, you’d have found a way to communicate how you really felt. Since all these folks know where to find me on tumblr they should be able to find them even easier since I reblog a lot of conversation about this! In case you missed it, here is my tag for supporting authors: https://realisaonum.tumblr.com/tagged/spread-the-love%3B-be-generous-with-your-authors Oh my! I know we say it a lot but fandom artists and fic authors do their work for free—for the love of it, usually. Ideally, that kind of passion—especially with the preoccupation of monetizing EVERYTHING—should be met with a similar enthusiasm. Unbridled geeking is kind of the definition of fandom in the first place. I don’t understand why people have been moving away from that.

Spread the love; be generous with your authors.

Now I am not singling anyone out, obviously. By ‘you’ I mean the general you. It is not the actions or inactions of any one person, but an issue with the collective fandom. For whatever reason, it has become alright to just not comment on fic—including fic you all apparently really fucking enjoy????????? Well, hey, you could have fooled me. Like I said, it is what it is. You all wanted to know why I deleted, so I am here to tell you that kind of behavior affects writers negatively. Shocker.

tl;dr - Folks who don’t comment on a 111k chapter should already know why it was deleted.

Everyone who has the gall to come at me now that my stuff’s gone when they had nothing real to say when it was posted might want to take a hard look at their life choices because that shit, it ain’t cool.

#*hamilton voice: now what i'm about to say may sound indelicate*#the narrator .... was writing #oh look a rant!#it's too bad tumblr won't let you pin posts; maybe i should post this on ao3

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thechekhov · 6 years

Note

how would you recommend an artist make themselves better known on tumblr and in general? ive been drawing and painting almost my whole life but its hard to get people to notice me, any advice? thank you, you're my fave artist

Thank you so much! That makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside…

As for your questions… hmm… it’s for sure a good one.

I’m going to get a bit… strategical on that one. Hope you don’t mind this approach.

Tumblr and real life are definitely alike in a lot of aspects, while in others they’re polar opposites. For the sake of keeping things neatly shelved, I’m going to focus on tumblr in this post.

＊*☆HOW TO GET ART NOTICED ON TUMBLR☆*＊

by chekhov

1. We have to understand how the tumblr sharing system works.

I know this sounds a bit too obvious. I mean, we all know HOW. It’s by reblogging!

I know that there’s a BIG opinion on tumblr that we should share and reblog art as much as possible to help artists get noticed. And that’s TRUE. It’s absolutely correct.

One thing I don’t agree with on that front is the guilt-tripping factor of it all. Like somehow people are responsible for the downfall of less popular artists because they didn’t reblog stuff enough. People are really quick to point at their followers and say “I GOT 100 OF Y’ALL HERE AND ONLY 3 ARE REBLOGGING ANYTHING”.

I get it. It’s frustrating!

But the fact of the matter is, you can’t force people to reblog stuff.

Instead, I recommend we harvest the power of the sharing we already have. We have to be smart about this. What I’m going to go into is a bit less concrete. We have to think about the PEOPLE who are doing the reblogging.

Artists aren’t the ONLY ones with motivations for getting their stuff seen. And because they create media they are, for lack of a better word… a vendor! The buck STARTS with them, but it doesn’t stop with them.

They have to also think about what the people are going to do with their product once it’s reblogged. Once someone buys from the vendor, they don’t just keep it forever. They distribute it to the others. And sometimes, those others distribute it again. We have to think about the bigger picture, and think about how FAR your art has the potential to go!

So, to get started we need to know… WHO are the ones buying from the vendor… and why?

What kind of rebloggers ARE there?

I’m going to give my own opinion here, and feel free to disagree. But the 3 biggest rebloggers most important to the artist are these:

1. The Pleaser

Sounds sexy, right? In fact, the pleaser comes in many different forms. But essentially their goal is the same - they reblog stuff like aesthetic posts, and other pleasing things. They themselves tend to like a lot of stuff and reblog mostly beautiful photos, nice designs, and lots of fanart of whatever they’re into at the time. Comics and story-like posts are good here (although if they’re too long, people tend to lose interest.)

How to get reblogged by a Pleaser?

Appeal to their fandom, their interest, and make something that moves them. Pleasers are most active around the time when the new episode of their favorite show comes out, or when their favorite holiday comes around. Drawing fanart during its peak popularity will usually catch a Pleasers’ attention, as will drawing aesthetic Halloween posts around, well, Halloween.

2. The Teaser

The Teaser is the class clown and the shitposter, and they reblog memes and jokes voraciously. In the Teaser’s audience are other teasers - and they also tend to be very generous rebloggers. The fact of the matter is - memes sell reblogs faster than any aesthetic art will. We’re social creatures and getting a laugh out of our followers is worth a LOT of fake internet points.

How do I get reblogged by the Teaser?

Memes. I mean, you knew this was coming, right? During the height of some new tumblr joke, people usually welcome any unusual spin, or any funny variation of an old joke.

My meme redraws have consistently been popular and have ‘boomed’ very quickly. For example, this redraw of sapphire from Steven Universe doing ‘the scroll of truth’ jumped to 5k almost within a day.

Many people peek at my page ‘for the lols’ but end up staying for the art, or because there’s another thing I post they’re interested in. Either way, memes are a gateway drug… to your blog.

3. The Librarian

The Librarian is a bit more rare, but they’re still important, because they tend to reblog a lot. They’re a bit unusual in the sense that they do this for themselves, instead of for an audience. The blog of the librarian is mostly just a replacement for bookmarking interesting stuff. These people tend to reblog tutorials, reference posts, and things they want to read later on.

How to get reblogged by a Librarian?

Make things that people want to keep around. Charts, references, tutorials. Chances are, the librarian will snag it up eventually.

Of course, these 3 aren’t the ONLY type of tumblr blogger. In fact, many of them are a mix of these 3. But the main point is…

2. What do most of these (and other) people on tumblr have in common?

Just like you, many people (although not all) want to get their stuff SEEN. You might be creating the original product, but they choose whether or not to distribute it to their audience.

Everyone is playing the same game, no matter which part of the chain they’re on.

You, as an artist, have the biggest responsibility to think about this long-term. Not only 1 reblog down the line.

For example, let’s return to one of my meme-posts that I did about wrist pain (carpal tunnel). When I made this, I had a vague idea of who would consume it. Obviously… other artists. But the reason that this got so popular? Is not only because fellow artists follow me. It’s because the artists that follow me also have followers who are also, conveniently, artists. That’s why despite the fact that many people reblogged the post directly from me - even MORE of them reblogged it from @sergle (shoutout to sergle! u rock) who is also a popular artist and also has an audience who were prone to want to reblog the post.

See that orange dot? That’s me. See that bigger blue dot? That’s sergle.

In a way, this is a game of chance. Will something you reblog be seen by someone with a large enough audience to keep it going? The thing is, we don’t know until it happens. And oftentime, the only way to achieve this is to keep trying. Stubbornly.

But you can’t just headbutt the wall in the same place and hope it eventually crumbles. You have to look for a door.

3. So what’s the door?

Take a look at your art. Is it consumable BEYOND the surface level of your followers?

Sometimes people get discouraged because their fanart is way more popular than their original art. Although I share their frustration, there’s a good reason for this, and your followers aren’t to blame.

The thing is, fanart is consumable at deep reblog levels. If you post fanart, there’s a good chance that even 3-4 reblogs down the line, there’s going to be a person who sees it and thinks ‘hey, I know Steven Universe. My followers know Steven Universe. I’ll reblog this!’ Fandoms are efficient because they already have a lot of context for the consumption of the art. They have a story (humans love stories), they’re invested in it, they’re interested in it, and there’s a good chance that sharing more stuff about it will get them more interaction with their mutuals, even if they’re not consciously thinking about all this as they reblog.

Unfortunately, that’s just not true for your original art. Many of us have beautiful, wonderful stories - but they’re not available to a wide audience. They’re not easily consumed, they’re not easily accessed (in comparison to being on netflix, for example). If you post a picture of your OC - maybe your immediate pool of followers who know that OC will reblog it. But their own followers who aren’t directly following you will not have any connection, emotional or otherwise, to that character. They simply don’t have a reason to care, and they don’t have any means to. Even if they visit your blog - will it be easy to find similar content? Have you got your links available on desktop AND mobile? Is it easy to find the beginning of your story? Is it free of mistakes and easy to read?

Large companies that make shows or comics funnel tons of money into making their media consumable. There’s a LOT of effort that goes into advertising, too. You, as an independent artist, simply don’t have that kind of manpower. That’s not your fault - but it’s also not your followers’ fault. Why are they supposed to reblog things that their own followers will never understand and connect with?

4. Back to square one: how do I get noticed?

I’m gonna keep this short and sweet because I feel like I already took up a lot of your time. After everything I’ve said, hopefully this will make sense:

Make content that has a connection to your audience somehow. Make it relatable to their life. Make it relatable to what’s currently going on. Make it worth their while to look at it.

Make content that’s easy to understand. Super detailed drawings, with nothing to focus on are difficult to digest. Simpler, sharper drawings that someone can understand within 3 seconds of looking at it are the most digestible of all. This isn’t a museum.

If you’re creating content that goes with a story, MAKE THE STORY. I know it’s tempting to create just a whole bunch of character sketch sheets and leave it at that, but you can’t complain about not getting an audience when your audience doesn’t have anything to consume in the first place.

Make the story AVAILABLE. Organize your tags. Make sure those tags are easily accessible. People will never like 100% of your art, so many it easy for them to find what they WILL like.

Don’t be afraid of fanart. Fanart gets you connected with people who like stories and content similar to yours.

Don’t be afraid to follow and reblog people that you want to connect with. Don’t be afraid to make them stuff and @ them.

Post your stuff to a LOT of places! Your audience is somewhere out there - probably not only on tumblr. You have to spread yourself thin sometimes, but make sure the account can all lead back to your main hub.

And last but not least…

Critically re-evaluate your art at least once a year. (I’m personally working on this.) Just because you’ve been drawing for years, and just because your art might be incredible doesn’t mean it’s appealing to people. Sounds weird, right? But think about it - there’s TONS of people who are not that amazing at anatomy, or coloring… but they still have a huge audience, and people connect with their art. A lot of times, it’s because their art is straightforward and easy to read/understand.

Ask a friend to critique your art. Ask them if they understand your work, or if it’s difficult to make out. Ask them what your work inspires in them. Ask them what they DO like about your work - and exaggerate that!

There’s a LOT that goes into art… no matter it’s a whole industry! Doing it all on your own is HARD and it’s a bit unthinkable how much artists have to do to compete with industries. But it’s not impossible, and it’s definitely worth it. :)

Hope I didn’t bore any of y’all who made it down this far.

Thanks!

#reblogging #art #artists on tumblr #arting #Anonymous #long post

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journeythrough-impossiblethings · 5 years

Text

Journal of Impossible Things Journey Through Impossible Things

John I – Fobwatched Tenth Doctor – David Tennant – #Journal-of-Impossible-Things-Volume-I / #Human-Nature-Family-of-Blood – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse

The Tenth Doctor was hiding away from the Family of Blood in England in 1913. He used the chameleon arch to become John Smith, a perfectly ordinary human being, a man with his head in the clouds perhaps a bit too much. He was a school teacher who dreamed of being a Lord of Time. His dreams were filled with fantastical, almost fairytale-like adventures with monsters and aliens and a tiny, enormous, impossible box that travels anywhere and anywhen in the universe. And she was there, in his dreams. Her face was in his dreams, even before he knew her (he had proof, too; he drew her in his Journal of Impossible Things before he met her). She made John Smith fall in love and showed the Doctor what it was like to be normal for once. They were married and the Doctor almost had a chance at an ordinary, simple, beautiful life. But they found him, and John Smith had to wake up from his dream of an ordinary life and become the Doctor again. He left her behind, because she was just a fairytale. He didn’t know he would meet her again.

John II – Fobwatched Twelfth Doctor – Peter Capaldi – #Journal-of-Impossible-Things-Volume-II / #The-Newest-Time-Lord – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse

Anna finds out she is pregnant, and Anna and the Doctor decide it is best to use the chameleon arch to turn him back into John Smith, and settle down on Earth until the baby is old enough for it to be safe for them to travel together. They live in the 21st century, which takes some getting used to for John, since he was from 1913, but he adjusts quickly. He gets a job as a schoolteacher again and continues to write his dreams down in his updated version of the Journal of Impossible Things, only this time knowing it is all real. Anna secretly works for UNIT to do her best to keep trouble away from the Doctor and the baby while the Doctor is human and the baby is young, trying to give them as normal a life as possible. Except for Him, of course. Their sentient ex-war machine “Living Construct” companion who has basically taken on the role of nanny while they’re grounded on Earth. That part is still a little unusual. Also that the Doctor still talks to his son through his watch, and sometimes the Doctor’s doppelgänger (from another life), literally, shows up.

John III – Human John – Eddie Redmayne – #Journal-of-Impossible-Things-Volume-III / #A-Life-Of-His-Own – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse

After the Doctor gets stuck in the confession dial for four and a half billion years, he has a lot of emotional issues to sort out. He can deal with the pain fine, but what he can’t deal with his the pain his own pain is causing his empathic wife. She can literally feel what he feels, and he can’t stand to let her go through all that pain, so the deal was that she would live on Earth until he recovered enough from the trauma. He wouldn’t be alone. He had Tavin, and he would of course have companions like he always does. He promised he would not be alone. He wouldn’t let her be alone, either, of course. He found a couple on Earth, Sydney and Verity Lambert, in the year 1982. After the birth of their first son, they were unable to have any more children due to complications with the first pregnancy, but they really wanted their son to have a sibling. The Doctor helped them have another child, if it could be John. So he put John’s personality into the new embryo. John was a test-tube baby, but no one knew that except his parents (and the Doctor and Anna). John’s memories of his other lives were suppressed, but they still leaked out, usually in the form of dreams that he wrote down, like always. When he was in his twenties, he was a school teacher as a History teacher at the same school that Anna works at. They started dating, and not long after that Anna helped John’s suppressed memories come to the surface. They got married and had five children together and adopted a sixth, Terra Verity, their identical twins Aiden Daniel and Calder Sydney and their adopted Zygon triplet Pete Basil, Martha Skye, and Sarah Jane II.

John IV – TARDIS Matrix Ghost – Eddie Redmayne / Peter Capaldi / David Tennant – #Journal-of-Impossible-Things-Volume-IV / #In-the-Matrix – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse

Anna died of old age after the human John died, and Anna was reborn as a man, going by the name of Sean. Sean finds the Twelfth Doctor, who is currently a lecturer at a university, where he and Nardole are guarding Missy in a vault beneath the school. Sean and the Doctor take the TARDIS and go back to find John as he is dying, where John’s consciousness is uploaded to a fragment of the Time Lord Matrix kept in the Doctor’s TARDIS. John stays in the TARDIS Matrix while Sean occasionally sits in the Doctor’s classes and visits John, goes on adventures with the Doctor and his student and companion Bill in the TARDIS. John gets very lonely in the Matrix by himself and they discuss the possibility of finding a way to get him out of the Matrix at about the same time they discover Anna/Sean is actually a fobwatched (second version of) Patience, the Doctor’s Time Lady (now Time Lord) wife from Gallifrey, and Anna didn’t reincarnate into Sean, she regenerated into him. They had tried to keep Anna’s marriage to John and her marriage to the Doctor separate until now (even though it’s been in debate about if they’re even different people or the same person), but when they decided to find a way to get John out of the Matrix they all accepted that Anna is going to be with both of them.

John IV.5 I – HoloJohn – Eddie Redmayne – #Journey-Through-Impossible-Things-Volume-I / #HoloDreams / #HoloJohn – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse

They project a hologram of John outside of the Matrix, just within the TARDIS, so he doesn’t have to be stuck in there all the time. He travels with the Doctor, Bill and Sean as they figure out their new dynamic, but has to stay within the TARDIS. Patience and Sean decide to stay as one person, so that Sean releases Patience and has both Anna/Sean’s memories and Patience’s, but still goes mostly by Sean/Anna. At the end of The Doctor Falls, Sean stays with the Doctor as he’s blowing up the Cybermen, and the explosion causes Sean to regenerate back into a woman, who is the fourth incarnation of Patience.

John IV.5 II – RoboJohn – Eddie Redmayne – #Journey-Through-Impossible-Things-Volume-II / #Androids-Dream-of-Existential-Crises / #RoboJohn / #John-Synth – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse

During Twice Upon a Time, when Testimony had the Twelfth Doctor’s TARDIS with John still inside, since he only exists within the TARDIS, they found him in there. They talked to him and found at the Doctor and Anna saved him very similarly to how they save people, but he’s stuck inside the TARDIS. They asked him if he wanted to join them, so he wouldn’t be trapped in there, but turned them down because he didn’t want to leave Anna and the Doctor. Later Testimony helped the Doctor find a synthetic body for John on New Earth from the time that Testimony comes from.

John IV.5 III – WereJohn – Eddie Redmayne – #Journey-Through-Impossible-Things-Volume-III / Howl-on-the-Moon / #WereJohn – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse

During one of their adventures, they came across a lycanthropic virus that can apparently mutate to infect synthetic bodies, and John got infected with it. The Thirteenth Doctor went back and got pregnant with Sean’s daughter who they name Jamie Alistair. Anna (Patience IV) gives birth to the Tenth Doctor’s son they name Jason Chesterton, and later somehow John gets Anna pregnant with fraternal triplets, two daughters and a son who share John’s lycanthropic virus. Their two daughters Diana and Connor and their son Lowell. Thirteen, Anna and John raise all five of the children together. Later John has a child with Patience V named Eirlys, who has a mutation of the lycanthropic virus making them a wereseal. Sometime later, during the time of the Eighteenth Doctor, Anna becomes Sean II, and he has a baby, Rosalyn, with a version of John from another universe, Kara Jon, and Kara Jon and her Anna, and Sean II, John and Eighteen all raise her, mostly in a split-custody sort of way since there’s a bit of a long distance thing, being from different universes and all.

John IV has interacted with Pete White from the Venture Bros. Fandom and Jareth the Goblin King from the Labyrinth Fandom. We also have a character who is a regular in this verse who is a Warforged OC (called Him) from the D&D Eberron Campaign Setting Fandom.

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John IV from Mainverse - #Journey-Through-Impossible-Things-Unbound - Doctor Who TTW-verse AU/Canon Divergent

Once, before Thirteen was an actual thing, and before I made John III, just after the first Fantastic Beasts film came out, after I saw the movie I really wanted to play Newt Scamander, but Anna hadn't seen the movie yet, so very briefly I made an AU OC version of the Thirteenth Doctor with Eddie Redmayne as the FC who was basically just Newt Scamander but as the Doctor. Later, after I officially made Eddie Redmayne the main FC for John, we briefly talked about combining the two verses where John and the (Thirteenth) Doctor looked like twins. Although, now that I think about it, he could also be the elusive Eighteenth Doctor who is the Doctor during Sean II's time, instead of the Thirteenth. Idk.

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Fobwatched Doctors AU

Fobwatched Doctors – #Fobwatched!AU – William Hartnell (Richard Hurndall, David Bradley), Patrick Troughton (Reece Shearsmith), Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul McGann, John Hurt, Christopher Eccleston, Matt Smith, Jodie Whittaker, Peter Cushing – Doctor Who, Time Traveler’s Wife Whoniverse 2

John Smith One (AU Fobwatched!One) | William Hartnell (Richard Hurndall, David Bradley) | Scientific Journalist

John Smith Two (AU Fobwatched!Two) | Patrick Troughton (Reece Shearsmith) | Nursery Assistant

Jon Smith Three (AU Fobwatched!Three) | Jon Pertwee | Mechanical Engineer

John Smith Four (AU Fobwatched!Four) | Tom Baker | Sailor and Artist

John Smith Five (AU Fobwatched!Five) | Peter Davison | Writer and Author

John Smith Six (AU Fobwatched!Six) | Colin Baker | Weatherman

John Smith Seven (EU Fobwatched!Seven) | Sylvester McCoy | Human Nature novel | Teacher

John Smith Eight (AU Fobwatched!Eight) | Paul McGann | Zookeeper

John Smith War (AU Fobwatched!War Doctor) | John Hurt | Diplomat

John Smith Nine (AU Fobwatched!Nine) | Christopher Eccleston | Police Officer

John Smith Ten (Fobwatched!Ten) | David Tennant | English Teacher | Human Nature/Family of Blood Canon Divergent Fobwatched Tenth Doctor

Anna met and married John before she knew the Doctor. She finds out about the Doctor from John's dreams, his journal, and by confronting John's living pocket watch with the Doctor's consciousness inside about it. This version of John also meets Jackson Lake while he believes that he is the "Tenth" (or actually Eleventh) version of the Doctor.

John Smith Eleven (AU Fobwatched!Eleven) | Matt Smith | Toymaker

John Smith Twelve (AU Fobwatched!Twelve) | Peter Capaldi | Teacher

Joan Smith Thirteen (AU Fobwatched!Thirteen) | Jodie Whittaker | Mechanic and Inventor

Dr. John Who (AU Fobwatched Unknown Doctor) | Peter Cushing | Scientist and Inventor

The Celestial Toymaker kidnapped the Doctor, made him use the chameleon arch making him believe that he's a human scientist named Dr. Who, who invented a time machine, and travels with his granddaughters Susan and Barbara and Barbara's boyfriend Ian, and later his niece Louise, as well as a man named Tom Campbell by accident, fight the Daleks and reliving some of the First Doctor's adventures with some small changes.

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pkmnjesus · 6 years

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5 years of the PokémonJesus

Before the night comes to a close, I would like to personally reflect on today’s importance (thus the reason for the Takeover queue). It’s been 5 years since I officially became engaged with this fandom that has really became a weekly routine of mine when new episodes come out. This is really just to put my thoughts out there in the blog archive, so I would prefer if no one reblogs this. P J’s beginnings started all the way back with Serebii Forums...

2013-2014 (The Pokémon forums Era)

I have been lurking in the fandom as early as the Best Wishes days, and often visit sites like Serebii Forums or tumblr’s Pokémon anime tags around 2011. I usually talk Pokémon online when it comes to the games when battling or trading in certain chat rooms (was really active during the Gen. IV era of games), but never really talked about the anime with. I have been a spectator to the discussion while the BW saga was rolling a long, then I decided on September 26th 2013 (which was the airdate for the final BW! episode in Japan) to create a serebiiforums account under the username PokemonJesus123, just in time for the start of the XY series which I was mad hyped about! I WAS A FAN SINCE DAY 1...some y’all just tagged along in XY&Z NO LOYALTY xD . My serebii profile is still there actually, so you can try to find my old inactive page if you want lol (my avatar was me holding up my 3DS in a cringey way...looking back why tf did I take that photo lol delete later). Coming into 2014, I joined tumblr as well under the url name you see right before you. Never changed it, and probably never will. The origin of this name you ask? You’ll just have to ask me personally for that story 😉 I absolutely joined tumblr out of pure boredom to view and follow blogs I was a fan of. I had no intention of posting whatsoever. Oh, and I made a Twitter account under the P J name too! Follow ME :^)

2014-2015 (Thursday LIVE! tumblr era)

After a couple months of finally creating a tumblr account and actively posting on serebiiforums and bulbagarden, XY episode 50 (the episode where big lips Nini/Nene debuted) was the first EVER Pokémon anime episode I ever posted about in my blog. I was still new the #pokeani tag (funny story, I didn’t really knew what it meant back then besides to tag it lol), but I got as much as around 30-100 notes. Seeing those notes already got excited that it pushed me from making it a weekly thing since I had a livestream to watch it every Thursday night and screen-cap it. My goal from the very beginning was to try to be the first one to post about here, like what the Japanese fans do on Twitter under the #Anipoke tag. Of course, most of my notes came from either an AmourShipping post or a Serena post. I’m not going to lie, I was really a huge Serena fan when the series first started. I rambled a lot too getting hyped for Citron/Clemont episodes because he was probably my favorite character at the time xD

2015-2016 (A growing blog)

This was the era I started to do special long posts in celebration with Pokémon’s 20th anniversary. Around this period is where my blog was in a developing state getting like 2 or 3 followers every week. And trust me, there were A LOT of posts that I regret posting, but I learned to watch my words every week and say the right things (I really try not to trigger anyone here). I took a couple of weeks off when new episodes aired since I was really busy with college, or I wasn’t into XY filler episodes that much. Would usually tune in live when Team Flare was involved or anything with Squishy/Puni-chan (I absolutely ADORED Bonnie/Eureka in this arc), but I didn’t post that much on tumblr...unless if there was like an AmourShipping moment that happened xD. The hype for Gen. VII was already looming, and I kinda got bored from the anime A BIT. When Ash-Greninja came into the picture however, I got excited again! Then the Kalos League happened, and the anticipation of Ash’s journey hit a climax! We all know what happened, and the rest was history...

2016-2017 (GIFmaking era)

So the Sun & Moon anime happened late 2016, and the hype for a new series was within me again! This is when my blog REALLY started to boom, as well as the birth of my Pokémon Discord server PokéTōku. My notes were higher than over compared to what I posted from XY. One possible reason is that a lot of pokeani bloggers from back then weren’t really interested in Sun & Moon (probably because of the animation change), so I was one of few who still stayed for the ride and that really benefited my blog’s exposure. I absolutely loved Lillie’s character development, and I also did not expect myself to enjoy Lana/Suiren’s character so much! Brock & Misty’s was a huge highlight for me as well seeing my childhood come to a modern-day Pokémon series. I was surprised to have popular people reblog my stuff that destroys my notifications per second. I was even flattered when popular pokéblogs such as shelgon, corsolanite, chasekip, and a few others followed me. Back then I really wanted to get a lot of notes, but at this point I just wanted to be myself and post screen-caps that I feel like talking about. The series also motivated me to start making GIFs since I finally had access to Adobe Photoshop through my university’s application benefits. Later in 2017, I graduated from college and it gave me more time to improving my blog. Also, can you believe it took me 3 years to get 1,000 followers? If you asked me from day 1, I would have never expected to get that much since I had no idea about tumblr’s audience.

Everyone here knows that my blog doesn’t really follow “traditional” tumblr methods such as tags or making specific posts and what not (since I’m not really that into the tumblr culture lol...I’m just here for fun doing my own thing), but I hope I’ve brought something different to your dash experience 🙃

2017-2018 (Making friends)

From 1,000 to 2,500+ followers the next year. You’d be surprise how small that still is compared to the other popular Pokéblogs that joined tumblr later than me, but I’m still grateful for that number. My hype for movie 20 was crazy! I’d always make a post about it when a new trailer was out. But just like Sun & Moon, not everyone was looking forward to the AU it produced. The Let’s Go games shared the same fate as well since everyone didn’t want another Kanto, but I always defend the things that deserve a chance! I fairly enjoyed movie 20 though, and was the first movie that I posted screen-caps and GIFs for in this blog, even made an experience post about it watching it in the theaters! What’s MOST important to me during this time was actually interacting with some of my followers...or should I say friends now :) Out of the 5 years I’ve been here (not counting serebiiforum peeps I’ve known since 2013), I only recently talked to some of you around 2017. My interactions with people here have been awesome (for the most part at least lol) from sharing interests, geeking out over the anime, sending memes xD and concerns when P J isn’t feeling P J. You know who you are, and THANK YOU for cheering your boy up in times when I needed it despite not telling you about it <3 Going back to PokéAni hype, my next excitement attack was when they announced the Aether Foundation and Ultra Beasts were getting involved in the main story. It really makes up for no Alola movie...but hey we still got 1 year left, so maybe there’s hope?

Despite the brief breaks I took, P J’s activeness in the fandom has reached its highest when I managed the time to do scheduled posts and even started a few mini-blog series this year. Even during stressful times, I always make it an effort to find time and contribute to the fandom. I honestly don’t care if I get any asks because I know who the real homies are ◉‿◉つ A special shoutout as well to all the people that joined my Discord server through this website. I couldn’t have reached 100+ members without some of your blogs ^_^ And to the lurkers out there (I know some of y’all are creepin’ in the shadows of my blog without liking anything), you may not know it but I love you people too ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

Anyway this is just a summary of my journey here so far, and if you’d to hear a more in-depth story on some toxic things I’ve experienced in this fandom just message me. I personally don’t like venting out stuff in public because it just promotes more negativity, and I’m not about that. I will make a separate post on my feelings toward the schedule change maybe next week, and an appreciation post (5th tumblr blogaversary) for my specific followers January 2019. I am still preparing for that because there are so many people (even ones I don’t even talk to) I want to thank ❤ Moving forward into my 6th year, I probably won’t make another post like this anytime soon...but I am very hopeful for the future of the SM series and possible Gen. 8 anime late 2019. I also do plan on making some PokéAni-related stuff in my YouTube channel when the time is right, and have the resources to do projects. Keep your eyes out fam 👀LET’S F’N GO!

#The PokémonJesus reflection #P J's thoughts #PokeAni #Pokemon anime #5 years of being in the PokéAni fandom...what a bumpy ride #TPJ Takeover #END_TAKEOVER...good times and good night! Until next post PEACE ✌️

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thatvixenchick · 6 years

Note

hey there vixen! Ive been followin you for a while, and wanna ask some advice; so an online friend of mine has revealed that they’ve been lying the whole time; that they are really not in their 20s, and have been around like, 19. We’ve been chatting for 4 years, and I’m slightly panicking, since I have talked the nsfw of the nsfw stuff about her back when she was about 16. Rly sorry if this is sudden, but wouldn’t you be weirded out if its revealed ur friend has been underage this whole time??

Because of the current tumblr climate, I’m going to answer this much more long-winded than I normally would have. Take a seat, it’s story time.

When I was in middle school, I was much more emotionally mature than my peers. I started going into chat rooms on the internet and the people I connected with were all older. Occasionally, they would strike on topics I was not comfortable participating in, so I would tap out until later. That wasn’t often because I was in mostly themed chats. We talked about ghosts or updates on the websites we visited or TV shows we watched. Most of my main chat were college students. I hid my age with them and when they would talk about classes, I would desperately try to pretend like I knew how college courses worked. They never learned my age.

In late middle school, my peers started exploring sex. I did not. I had a mental block on exactly how sex worked right up until the end of 8th grade in which I picked up a romance novel, not realizing what it would contain. The book solidly used “gates of womanhood” and “gates of manhood” the entire scene, but it got the point across. We had no sex ed in my schools because of where I lived. However, my mother was insistent on me going to her about anything. So in a daze, I walked up to her and asked if that was really how sex worked. She said “yes” and left it at that since she was coming to terms with the fact that my questions in the future were about to get a lot more detailed.

That summer, I took the book to 4H camp and talked about what it contained to the 14 girls I was in a cabin with. Half of them wanted nothing to do with it, the other half wanted to know. I refused to give details. Only 3 of the girls were brave enough to read the scene, and one got invested and finished the book. (I still dunno how people can read that fast…)

In high school, people were having sex, getting caught, and talking about it. I also discovered fandom. I quickly learned that, at this point in fandom history, there was a 50/50 chance of an author being around my age or much older. I trusted the ones much older since the ones around my age had crazy ideas about how sex worked. For example, Harry rubbed Hermione's belly button because the author thought that’s where the clit was. My friend group would talk about these fics and laugh. We would share terrible examples of sex. We would also share good examples of sex. Online, nobody spoke of their ages as it was an unwritten rule of fandom spaces during that time. Some you could tell, others you could not. It was how things worked back then.

For every new thing I learned from fanfiction or my high school friends and was confused about, I would go to my mother for accurate clarification. She used these moments to also make sure I understood safety and consent. I asked her about the things I learned from my friends about the sex they were having irl and discovered how much of it was SO unsafe. About this time, I started having cyber sessions with a person from my text-based role-playing group. He was a year younger than me.

At 17, a friend from a forum group that I talked to over messenger started flirting with me. I knew he was older. So, in light of our 4 year friendship, I told him my age. He was uncomfortable and decided to stop talking to me. I didn’t blame him for that, though I was a bit sad. Still, it was the best decision he could have made for himself and I respected that.

At 19 my cousin came to me because her boyfriend wanted to have sex. She was 13. She had nobody to turn to for advice or information since her family was of the opinion that no information at all was best. I had always encouraged her to ask me about anything she needed to know. I explained that she was too young and her partner too uneducated. I let her know the facts about what she asked. I made sure to drill into her head that condoms were non-negotiable since she looked determined to do it anyways. She did. She got hurt. She stopped seeing the boy. She avoided anything sexual for another 3 years before slowly getting back into things. Every time she needed something, or had a scare, or had a question, she would come to me. She was always so afraid of talking about it out loud, so I let her know all the safety information I could give to make sure she understood what she was getting herself into. She stayed sexually active, but she also stayed safe, clean, unhurt, and would punch a guy that tried to push something. Consent is important.

As for me, I did not start being sexually active with my own body until I was 19. I did not have sex until I was 21. I dated during that time, but I set very clear and firm boundaries about what I was and wasn’t comfortable with. I had no tolerance for those boundaries being pushed. As I grew older, I continued to enjoy learning everything I could about sex and kink, consent and safety, sexuality and gender. Currently, I help out with sex education where I can, including essays, presentations at conventions, and podcasts.

So now you know my history and can better understand my answer:

I understand why a person would have various reasons for lying about how young they are on the internet. I did it. I have friends that did. There’s a certain amount of responsibility one has to take when lying about being older, though. One, you cannot engage in any sex talk that is personal between yourself and the older person you are talking to. Two, you must be honest if a situation arises in which the older person could get into legal trouble. Three, you must take full responsibility to walk away from conversations that you find uncomfortable. Four, you must protect your privacy with your life and give no details on your name, specific location, personal acquaintances, or pictures of yourself.

I understand why a person would be upset about being lied to. Not only the lie but because the decision of what they would feel comfortable with was taken from their hands. It was a violation of their trust and personal online safety.

Not to mention, things are different now than they were back in my day of fandom. It’s important to keep in mind the expectations of the majority in different spaces on the internet along with personal boundaries of whoever you are talking to. Be educated and make informed decisions about your online interactions.

Would I have been upset about discussing nsfw content that did not personally involve me or the other party without me knowing that the other party was underage?

This answer varies per person and that’s okay. Every person has different boundaries for themselves and different expectations of their own online privacy and safety. Every person must set those boundaries for themselves and see that they are adhered to by those around them whenever possible. It’s nobody else’s job to enforce the rules you have made to protect yourself.

Legally speaking (I am in America), so long as the older party remained unaware of the age younger party, and all talk of a sexual manner was not used in a way to seduce the younger party, and no pictures of the younger party were exchanged, then nothing illegal happened. That’s a fine line to walk, however, with the ways that lawyers can spin things. So it’s understandable that an older party would want to be able to walk away from any nsfw conversations with a younger party to protect themselves.

However, I also understand not being bothered at all because the younger party had someone they were comfortable with talking to about these things. They were learning, whether they realized it or not, the details of the content they were reading, what was and wasn’t real, and how to form better decisions on safety and consent. Because speaking to someone more mature means getting better information. It means there’s no argument about where the cervix is located or whether or not a nipple can be pinched off with a clothespin. An older party could find themselves relieved that the younger party had someone to talk to that knew better than to sneak out during school lunch break and have sex in their car with a plastic bag for a condom.

As a sex educator, I would rather a teen come to me with their questions than to their peers. Of course, as a sex educator, I also understand my own personal and legal boundaries better than your average joe on the internet. So it’s perfectly reasonable for a person who does not know those boundaries to want to tap out of a conversation with someone underage.

So for me, personally, I come from a time when ages were simply not discussed. This isn’t unusual for me. I also understand wanting to talk to someone more emotionally mature who likely has a better education than one’s peers. I also get being panicked when you weren’t aware of the boundaries you should have been adhering to when talking to someone underage. It’s a complicated situation, made more so by the individual in question and the details of the conversations I might have had with them. How I felt and the actions I would take would vary depending on the situation as this is too broad a question to give an all-encompassing answer.

So I will say that any emotions that you are having about it are valid. The decision that you make now should be what is best for you - for your emotions, your safety, and your future. It is worth being empathetic to the other party, but you should never be swayed by their reasoning, feelings, or excuses because ultimately, you must do what you feel is best for yourself. But whatever you do, don’t hold onto it and obsess over it. Deal with the emotions you have from the violation of trust, come to a rational decision as to what’s best, follow through, and then let it go and move on.

#ask #answer #advice

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xadoheandterra · 6 years

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Title: Don’t Write Me A Postscript Chapter: XI (I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X / XII / XIII) Fandom: Red vs Blue Characters: Church | Alpha, Kaikaina Grif | Sister | Agent Kansas, Cornelius Thromwell Andersmith | Agent Oregon, Kappa, Sarge, Michael Caboose | Agent California | Michael-210, David Church | Agent Washington | Recovery One Summary: He was all sorts fucked up and didn’t want to admit it. Being alone for fourteen months didn’t help matters--except, well, Church was tired of being alone. Tired of people leaving and dying--and he thought, no more. I’m done. I’m out.

Won’t Say You’re Sorry (I / II / III)

Do You Even Feel Compassion? (I / II)

Kai stared down at the missive sent directly to her from a name she had not, in fact, ever expected to see again. For a long moment Kai just stared, and stared—and a part of her contemplated pretending she’d not received the message at all and go back to her plans for tonights rave to piss off the old shotgun man who shot at her Dex for fun across the Gulch. For a moment Kai contemplated outright murder—except she and Dex talked, after her arrival and after everything, and she knew Dex liked Sarge for whatever reason and Kai was determined not to ruin this too for her brother. She ruined enough between the both of them while growing up already. If it weren’t for her Dex wouldn’t even be—

With a frustrated grunt Kai grit her teeth and slammed her hand down onto the table, next to her tablet and bowed her head over her knees. She let the pain rush up her arm and bit back a scream—let it ground her down into the moment until the thoughts she didn’t want to focus on left her. With a huff Kai leaned back and stared up at the cement ceiling, strung up with lights of all colors that were, for the moment, off. She ran her fingers along the back of her neck and massaged them into her shoulders, welcomed the twinge of pain that followed the movement, and sighed.

“Fuck you Andersmith,” she grumbled, dropped her feet off of the table, and swiped the tablet up. “Fuck you and the horse you damn well rode in on.” With a growl Kai stormed out of the base. She didn’t bother to grab her armor or the protective undersuit. It wasn’t like Sarge would actually shoot her anyway—she knew Donut talked to him, once, and if she remembered the white-blond farm-boy at all she didn’t doubt he was convincing in his weird way. Plus everyone over on Dex’s team seemed rather fond of the farm-boy, anyway, so Kai had that going in her favor. Still, for safety’s sake, Kai took a moment to pause a good distance away from Red Base.

Kai looked down at her tablet, sucked in a breath, and looked back at the pockmarked ground. “OI! YOU OLD WHITE FUCK!” Kai practically swayed with the force of her yell and squinted over at the red base. She waited and watched for Sarge to pop up on top of the base, shotgun at the ready as he peered off in the distance at her.

“What do yer want, yer damned dirty blue?!” Sarge yelled across the canyon.

“IT’S ABOUT DEX!” Kai screamed. “AND THAT PASTY KISS-ASS OF HIS!” She watched as Sarge dithered for a second, and then disappeared from the roof without a word. Kai huffed and started to pace around the hill, her hands wrapped tight around the tablet with Andersmith’s message. Mentioning Dex and his not-boyfriend should get the old bastard right up to her. She noticed his soft spot for the nerd, so she hoped by mentioning him she’d at least get his attention.

Kai didn’t doubt if she just screamed about Dex he wouldn’t have even really listened beyond to give her his shitty condolences. Honestly what was Butch even thinking, picking a twisted up old creep like this to be the leader of red team? Not to mention her precious Dex! If she ever got her hands on his corpse she’d happily burn it—but she still hadn’t found where it’d gotten to. Butch didn’t seem to be in the caverns like that poor kid or the body Tex once housed. Kai wondered if he was even alive somewhere, holed up and waiting for the right moment to swoop back into the swing of things.

Her thoughts didn’t distract her for long, and soon Kai dug her teeth into her lips as she paced. Her gaze slipped down to the message from Andersmith and she looked back to the base while she moved with deadly precision and grace. Damn Andersmith for contacting her now, of all things, when she’d been certain everything would be fine. It wasn’t like Dex’s life would be at risk because of the stupid AI they had to keep an eye on anymore—or at least, it shouldn’t have. Now this? Kai pulled the tablet up and slammed her back against the trunk of the lone, twisted tree with a grunt. She swiped along the glass surface and shifted her shoulders so that the bark actually dug into the faint scars in a way to tug some of her attention and keep her senses sharp.

The video stuttered with slipspace radiation interference, one of the little tricks Omega Team used when sending secured messages if they weren’t on location with one another. The unique radiographic signature let Kai know that Andersmith wasn’t compromised, in need of rescue, or immediate assistance for whatever reason. It also let her know that the message was priority and that was what got Kai out here, now, speaking with Sarge of all people.

“Hey—Hey Kai,” Andersmith said, lips pulled into a wry grin. He wore the lip piercing Kai had gotten him during shore leave one day, and she saw several new additions all across his face alongside a tattoo of some alien script under his eye. “I k-k-k-kkknow you didn’t expect to h—from me again.” The static rushed through the video and cut through words like butter, but the context was still readable as he spoke. “We didn’t pa-a-a-arrrt on the best of terms, did we?”

Kai hunched her shoulders.

“Yeah,” Andersmith nodded and scrubbed his hand through his hair. The screen fizzed and jumped around some more before she found him staring, serious now as he looked at her. “Look the Director sent me a m-ii—ve. I’m en-rrrrrroute to Rhodam.”

Kai closed her eyes.

“I-I know,” Andersmith sighed. “You don’t want me near-r-rrrr Outposssssst Alpha, but I trust you wo-won’t shoot me down?”

“Don’t count on it,” Kai grumbled.

“Th-thought n-n-n-nnnnnot, so,” Andersmith continued. “S-S-So I’ve been given permisssssssion to break that one—” the words completely washed away into static, but when Andersmith popped back into the screen it was with a picture of Dex and his not-boyfriend to be held up. “—my collateral. I trust you understand?” His smile became almost bitter as he leaned back. “Yeah. Yeah I know you do.” He leaned back. “I’ll see you soon, Kai.” The screen broke up again into interference, and then just the brush of fingertips against the camera, a silent goodbye, before it completely cut out.

Kai smashed her back into the tree with barely contained fury. Dammit, Andersmith! Why couldn’t he have included something more than just—that? Oh when she saw him she was going to enjoy wrapping her thighs around his neck and listening to him gasp for it, Kai swore. She would’ve just been happy with shooting down his pelican but not now—not now. Not with the potential threat of Dex being on board that thing, as well.

“Well, little missy,” Sarge huffed as he came to a rest several yards away from her. Kai straightened up and noted that Sarge held his good loosely, but finger off the trigger like he had in all their few other interactions since everyone left the Gulch. “What’s all this hullabaloo about, then?”

Kai scowled at Sarge and crossed her arms—every inch of her a petulant child and just the way she wanted it to appear as she regarded the old man in power armor. She needed to play her cards just right, for this to pan out, and for her to get her shot in on Andersmith for this mess, but this was where Kai excelled. Playing people to her tune and pulling at the threads they left beyond—this was her talent, for all that Dex wanted to pretend she didn’t have it. With a huff, Kai began to spin her tale.

Cornelius ‘Corey’ Andersmith leaned back with his feet kicked up onto the console as he watched the expanse of space pass him by. He tried his hardest to ignore the muffled shouting that came from the cargo-space and the increasingly creative food-related insults that were tossed in his direction. There wasn’t anything Private Dexter Grif could say to him that would make him any more terrified than facing down Kai after the not-so-subtle threat issued toward her brother.

“Are you really sure about this course of action?”

Corey cracked open an eye to stare at the small, holographic figure that he’d come to know well over the years.

“No, Kappa, I’m not sure,” Corey sighed and closed his eyes. He ignored the way Kappa moved from in front of him to hover over his shoulder, washing his cheeks with faint red light.

“I don’t think this is a wise path to take,” Kappa said a little blandly. “You know what the yellow-demon is like.”

“And I told you to quit calling her a yellow-demon,” Corey shook his head with a sigh. “Just keep an eye on our systems and our heading.”

“The orange-round-one does not sound too pleased, either,” Kappa pointed out.

“Who would be happy in circumstances like these?” Corey mused. If it were him, back home on Chorus before Project Freelancer, before escaping the inescapable gravity well of the planet, Corey would be spitting fire and vitriol at his captors.

“One would think the orange-round-one would be pleased to not be in front of a firing squad,” Kappa replied. “Perhaps it is upset about the purple-red not-AI?”

“I don’t know, Kappa,” Corey shrugged. “It’s been almost a month now. I doubt anyone would be so forgiving, circumstances such as these or not.” Corey sighed and snuggled down into the chair.

“I would be forgiving,” Kappa moved toward the door to the cargo bay and stared at it contemplatively. “Should we not contact Xi? We are near to our objective.”

Corey shrugged. “Rather not bother Xi if it’s all the same to you,” he said and waved a hand in Kappa’s direction. “Not until we’ve got the target in sights, at least.”

Kappa twisted in the air for a second and then settled on top of Corey’s head. A little bit of shifting around had the small AI practically laying across the fringe of Corey’s hair. “I do not like this path.”

Corey shrugged his shoulder and ran his fingers through his hair, inadvertently directly through Kappa’s hologram as well. “Tough luck, you’re stuck with me.”

“I do not mind you,” Kappa said.

“Yeah, yeah. Just keep an eye on that heading, Kappa. I’m going to take a nap. Wake me when we’re close to planetfall.” Kappa flickered from atop Corey’s head, and then vanished the holographic form the second Corey’s vitals registered that he’d finally slipped into slumber.

Church pulled his motorbike up next to Washginton’s on the side of the road. It had taken him up until the second waystation to get Washington to admit to commandeering them a couple of vehicles that didn’t register as ‘cars’ on his ping-list, and as such would be exempt from his strange not-quite-cursed-fixation with the vehicles. It would take them far too long to travel to Valhalla elsewise, and Church rather wanted to spend as little time as possible between stops now.

“Something on your mind?” Church questioned. He’d finally relented now that Wash got them bikes and gave the Freelancer back his helmet. Caboose fussed for a while, but to make things ‘even’ Church allowed the big blue soldier to hand out the rest of the helmets too.

“What part of the pelican do you think landed here?” Wash asked, and tapped the map where Church had marked out a possible secondary site. They were rather close to the path off the main road they’d need to follow if they did choose to take the detour.

Church shrugged. “Could be any part of it,” he said. “Why?”

Wash folded up the map and looked up at the sky tiredly. “I need the ship’s black box specifically,” Wash admitted. “If I am to get the data from the flight, including record of its crash, then I need that black box.” Wash tilted his head down to look at Church. “Anything else, Freelancer tech included, is secondary. My primary mission is to find out where the Omega AI is now.”

“And the possible Omega incident at Valhalla makes that location more pressing,” Church agreed with a frown behind his mask.

Wash shook his head tiredly. He couldn’t be sure which was the better option for them at the moment—take the time out of getting to Valhalla and possibly lose what was most likely the primary crash site, or search this secondary site on the off chance of unearthing that black box. After a second Wash looked back at Church again. “Why did you provide me the alternate sites?”

Church bit his lip. He hadn’t been sure why he’d pulled up everything he could remember that he’d calculated out while at High Ground, let alone why he gave it all to Wash. Ever since their crash and the life-or-death scare David had given him—the realization—Church tried hard to avoid thinking in too much detail about what he was doing. He didn’t want to think. If he let himself drift off into questioning—into looking too closely at everything—Church felt afraid.

“You’ve grown on me,” Church said, eventually, almost like giving away a secret. He refused to look at David as he continued, voice growing fainter. “And you…remind me of someone, actually. Someone I thought I’d never see again.” Church shook his head. This wasn’t the right time, nor the right place. He glanced over toward the forest and the direction he knew the secondary site would be.

“Church…” David murmured, and yeah that was definitely David and not Agent Washington.

“You know I didn’t have to listen to you,” Church said. “I could’ve just let you kill yourself trying to get into High Ground. Would’ve saved me so much fucking trouble…” Church sighed and slumped over the bike. “Just holler when you’ve made your decision. I’ve got my own reasons for seeing that crash site, anyway.” Church kicked the bike back into gear and rode over to where Caboose had pulled off to the side of the road and the big blue soldier worked on preparing snacks for the group.

Wash watched him go with a frown beneath his mask.

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lilbreck · 6 years

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AGoT Chapters 19 - 23

I know, it’s been a hot minute. But I’m reading again. Feel free to discuss anything with me if you agree or disagree, either way.

If you want to follow along, I'm tagging my ASoIaF reading as tonya rereads asoiaf.

Chapter 19: Jon II

I like how this establishes right away that Jon is excellent with a sword. I don’t remember if Jon keeps being this closed off an entitled or not. However, he seems to look down on everyone around him which might explain why they all quickly picked up on the “Lord Snow” bit and don’t hang out with him.

The more time he spent with them, the more Jon despised them.

Yeah, that feeling seems to be very much mutual here. However, I do like that we get another layer to it; that we see a hint that all this isolation and such is to cover how much he hates that no one told him what it would really be like and how abandoned he feels. Of course, would he have believed them? It’s hard to tell, though the fact that he quickly adapts to the truth that Tyrion gave him says he probably would.

Honestly… I kinda get why they have to almost brainwash people into abandoning all they knew before, but it seems so cruel and vicious. I have a lot of feelings on how Jon needed this experience, though. He needed to see that, though he was a bastard, he is spoiled and privileged. Everyone talk about how mean various characters must have been to Jon growing up, but he had it fucking easy for a bastard.

“They’re not my brothers,” Jon snapped. “They hate me because I’m better than they are.”

“No. They hate you because you act like you’re better than they are. They look at you and see a castle-bred bastard who thinks he’s a lordling.” The armorer leaned close. “You’re no lordling. Remember that. You’re a Snow, not a Stark. You’re a bastard and a bully.”

This right here. People talk about how [certain other Starks] are bullies, but Jon is a bully when he gets to the wall. He takes out all his anger, resentment, and frustration on those around him. As much as I detest bullies, I like this Jon better than the saint!Jon envisioned by some of fandom.

Also, as much as I detest Tyrion, I am grateful for the advise he gives Jon in this chapter. Also, I love that it’s not really the realization that he’s been a bully or Tyrion’s advise that changes how in interacts with the others on the Night Watch, it’s knowing Bran woke up. That really speaks, in my opinion, to the connection the Stark children share. Of course, you know, not everyone appreciates that people are laughing with Jon and not at him here, but… it is what it is.

Chapter 20: Eddard IV

Honestly, I find Ned’s chapters so fucking boring. This did jump out to me, though:

What was it that Jon had said when they found the pups in the snow? Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord. And he had killed Sansa’s, and for what? Was it guilt he was feeling? Or fear? If the gods had sent these wolves, what folly had he done?

Also, Ned and Cat trust Petyr way too much. Especially Cat with how he ambushed her when she landed and was all up in her business. Honestly, I have little patience with the older set in these books. Does it show? Of course, me saying that now could have everything to do with me knowing how it ends up for them. Knowing what’s coming is a pain in the ass sometimes.

“My lady,” he said, turning to Catelyn, “there is nothing more you can do here. I want you to return to Winterfell at once. If there was one assassin, there could be others. Whoever ordered Bran’s death will learn soon enough that the boy still lives.”

Right here and there, knowing what they knew, Ned should have sent the girls back with his wife. Full stop. I swear, I can find a way to blame at least half of this book’s foolishness on how Ned and Cat coddled and then failed to protect their children. It may not all be fair, but I can still find a way. And he’s even talking about preparing for war! He should have snuck those girls out and sent them off with their mother.

Chapter 21: Tyrion III

There’s really not a lot to say about this chapter. I like Tyrion better in this one, probably because he isn’t talking about wanting to burn his family alive and assuming Jon felt the same. I also like that we got a glimpse of Jon getting along better with some of the other brothers. They’re just all really fucked because people put their unwanted up on the wall and forget all about the place and people there. Poor fucking Mormont.

So far, I like Tyrion’s chapter’s slightly more than Ned’s, but that’s not really a high bar.

Chapter 22: Arya II

Arya’s breaking my heart here.

Arya hated it. She hated the sounds of their voices now, the way they laughed, the stories they told. They’d been her friends, she’d felt safe around them, but now she knew that was a lie. They’d let the queen kill Lady, that was horrible enough, but then the Hound found Mycah. Jeyne Poole had told Arya that he’d cut him up in so many pieces that they’d given him back to the butcher in a bag, and at first the poor man had thought it was a pig they’d slaughtered. And no one had raised a voice or drawn a blade or anything, not Harwin who always talked so bold, or Alyn who was going to be a knight, or Jory who was captain of the guard. Not even her father.

I think this really shows what the South has to teach Arya. She had been coddled up North. There was a level of justice there that didn’t exist elsewhere (though may have only really existed at Winterfell, it’s hard to tell). It’s why she felt free to attack Joffrey. He was in the wrong and, in her eyes, it didn’t matter that he was a prince. In the South, of course, only the royal family’s justice matters. It’s why no one raised a hand to stop Lady or Mycah’s death.

What I do notice in Arya here, that seems to be missing in her father, is the ability to see the fault in those she loves. Ned still can’t bring himself to believe that his friend isn’t the man he’d like to believe he is. Arya even says here that even her father didn’t bother to speak out against it. Though, I notice that she says it’s the queen that killed Lady. While, yes, Cersei is why Lady was killed, Arya doesn’t seem quite ready to admit that her father played his part in Lady’s death. I just wish she could realize that, yes she may have had a hand in the events that lead to Lady and Mycah’s death, that the fault ultimately lays at the feet of the royal family and Sandor.

It’s my belief that, by the end of the series, Arya won’t be queen of the 7k or North, as some believe, but that she will be the one who reforms the justice system. Takes it out of the sole hands of the ruler, maybe. She’s beginning to see here that people just go along with what the king says, no matter how cruel, and that the smallfolk suffer. Granted, I think she’s got a long way to go (she’ll take a detour into vengeance city, but she’ll head back to justice after), but you can see where the spark of what I believe her endgame is gets started.

Honestly, I think at least half the problems between Arya and Sansa (aside from just normal sister issues when the sisters are so different) are because of the damn Septa. And, yes, part of me rages that Ned and Cat are trying to force Arya into a role she doesn’t want.

“I do not mean to frighten you, but neither will I lie to you. We have come to a dark dangerous place, child. This is not Winterfell. We have enemies who mean us ill. We cannot fight a war among ourselves. This willfulness of yours, the running off, the angry words, the disobedience … at home, these were only the summer games of a child. Here and now, with winter soon upon us, that is a different matter. It is time to begin growing up.”

Hey, Ned? Couple things I want to talk about. First, this isn’t your only daughter, you really should be having this talk with both of them. Second, you should have had this fucking talk back before Robert and the Lannisters assholes showed up in Winterfell. You fell down on the job, and now your fuck ups have a damn body count. Also, it’s about damn time that you noticed your younger daughter was willful and would probably be more inclined to learn all the shit you have the Septa shoving down her throat if you also allowed her to learn to fight like you do in this chapter.

It was the third time he had called her “boy.” “I’m a girl,” Arya objected.

“Boy, girl,” Syrio Forel said. “You are a sword, that is all.”

I can’t tell if this (him repeatedly calling her a boy and then a sword) is just coincidence, or if it’s a bit of foreshadowing of what she’ll have to go through, how she’ll have to nearly lose her identity. If not, it’s a nice little bit. I wonder if it was Ned’s deliberate choice to get her a teacher to show her a form of fighting better suited to her size and probably over-all body strength? If so, he’s earned some points back from me.

Chapter 23: Daenerys III

You know, reading this… Drogo’s definitely in line for the Vlad treatment. I just find it kind of odd that GRRM would write him being so considerate and very aware of her consent and waiting for it on their wedding night, and yet this:

Yet every night, some time before the dawn, Drogo would come to her tent and wake her in the dark, to ride her as relentlessly as he rode his stallion. He always took her from behind, Dothraki fashion, for which Dany was grateful; that way her lord husband could not see the tears that wet her face, and she could use her pillow to muffle her cries of pain.

I’m sure at least half the pain is from her saddle sores, but the other half is probably from her fuckboi husband riding her like a horse. What was GRRM thinking? I suppose we’re supposed to take comfort in the fact that she eventually finds pleasure in the sex during their trip, but… no. I can’t take comfort in that. She’s 14, he’s 30. And not a slight 30 either. He’s a large and brutal 30 and she’s a slight and delicate 14. Yeah, I’m going to have to mentally age up these younger characters to get through this.

Yet when she slept that night, she dreamt the dragon dream again. Viserys was not in it this time. There was only her and the dragon. Its scales were black as night, wet and slick with blood. Her blood, Dany sensed. Its eyes were pools of molten magma, and when it opened its mouth, the flame came roaring out in a hot jet. She could hear it singing to her. She opened her arms to the fire, embraced it, let it swallow her whole, let it cleanse her and temper her and scour her clean. She could feel her flesh sear and blacken and slough away, could feel her blood boil and turn to steam, and yet there was no pain. She felt strong and new and fierce.

As much as I talked about Arya’s recent chapter showing where I thought she would end up, this dream right here pretty much spells it out. It shows her embracing what it means to be a dragon, being “purified” by it (pure doesn’t always mean good and kind) and then after that she heals rather quickly. The dragon egg that Drogon will probably hatch from (IIRC) is the one she reaches out to feel, and it’s Drogon (as a representation of herself, or as itself) that is in her dream. I think right from her third chapter we get a hint that she’s never going to be a queen in peace. She’ll have at least one opportunity, but she ends up turning away from it, and I think that will be her last opportunity. She’s going to go full dragon, and I can’t wait to read from her POV as she does. It won’t be pretty, but it’s bound to be interesting.

You know, I love that Daenerys took away the power her brother had over her. She saw him for what he was and, in part due to her new status but also, I believe, in part due to the dragon dream, was able to let go of her fear of him. I admit, I cheered. When Jorah backs her and tells her the straight truth that the people aren’t begging for their return and she listens and understands the truth of what he says, it almost makes you have hope for her. There are parts of her that could be a good queen who reigns in peace. Her story wouldn’t be an interesting struggle if there weren’t.

I do like how her healing, taking away her brother’s power over her, and taking control of her sex life all tie in together. She’s taking control, and I do think it has a lot to do with embracing the dragon dream, even though she may not realize what the means. I was wrong before, she doesn’t turn 14 until the end of this chapter. And she’s pregnant. I can’t help but think what would have been if Robert hadn’t tried to have her killed. Would she have lived her life out with Drogo and however many children they had, and would the eggs have gone unhatched?

#asoiaf #asoiaf:agot #tonya reads books #tonya rereads asoiaf #questionable parenting skills in asoiaf

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bites-kms · 5 years

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Once upon a time in Greece

Land of philosophers, birthplace of Western world, history can be breath in every corner you pass by. Athens, by excellence, is the center of this action and a compulsory stop while in Greece. Welcome to an epic journey to the past, you won’t regret it.

After 9 hours and 15 minutes, in a direct flight from JFK I arrived at the Eleftherios Venizelos International Airport. You can already feel the language challenge bursting by trying to pronounce its name, but nothing easier than to get to the city center with the metro pass by 10 euros. And we were staying meters, I mean, literally 37 steps away from the Acropolis. My friend Mau was waiting for me, and as crazy as it sounds, I guess we’ve seen more of each other during this year in NY, Macau, Hong Kong and now Greece than what we actually hanged out in Singapore - what a beautiful turn of events ♥!

Pomegranate and lemon trees, fake jazmin scent, tons of adventurous and cute, street cats as well as few tortoises, and chirping birds are the beautiful scenery that frames your strolls by Athens. But of course, the beauty highlights are found in the absolute exquisite merge between all of the above with the IV century columns, archeological sites and historic details embedded in every single house at sight.

It’s a great place to think - if you don’t believe me, then ask Aristotles, but jokes aside, each and every time that I sat down to eat by myself, the writer muse decided to join over for a drink or too, and she hardly ever missed the point. I actually told her “come, stay, make yourself comfortable and talk to me” as per Neil Gaiman’s recommendation. 9 double-sized notebook pages later, I think it worked.

We decided to have a powerful breakfast at Everest, a cute local chain with tons of flavor and delicious coffee and orange juice. Man, if there’s something that I truly miss about living in Asia and Europe is the facility and access one has to delicious organic freshly squeezed juices at an affordable price. They are sweet, tasty and thirst quenching perfect! And I must say, coffee in Greece was an absolute delight as well. Same as in Turkey, their beans are strong yet never burnt, with subtle flavor hints depending on your roast. They were, undoubtedly, a compulsory yet perfect way to start each morning.

We kicked it off towards Aristotle’s Lyceum. It was quite striking to witness, live and walk around the same inspiration field where major World Philosophers established the Western way of thought. Being Peripatetic for a while - or walking around while wondering about the meaning of things, was quite strange. I had a Philosophy professor that said “the art of wondering is where the questions matter more than the actual answers, and it serves as a sieve for our thoughts” and right there, at the Lyceum, walking around practicing the togetherness of body, mind and soul, with the Greek sun bathing our cheeks, there was absolutely no doubt that this is a magnificent way to create. Surrounding by olive trees and training arenas, contemplation was a must during our stay. We later walked back via the Zappeion or Convention Center, the Olympic Stadium, the National Garden and ended up visiting the Olympion or Zeus Temple, complex which contains the Roman Baths and our beloved Hadrian’s Arch.

It’s also impressive to acknowledge how long these stone pieces have been standing, and the crazy value they own for thousands of years until today. The same thing happens to me each time I go to a temple, monument or to a very iconic sight. Regardless of the culture or the place where it’s located, these “rocks” contain so much energy, people’s faith, wishes and wonder that is hard not to feel them and truly understand the symbolic attachment and meaning, transforming them into way more than just plain rocks.

Mau got this amazing tip: checking out the Guard Change on Sundays, when the officials wear their festivity outfits, so beautiful and traditional. Luckily for us, it was Sunday and it was almost 11 am. So it happened that our walk by the National Gardens suddenly became decorated by the Greek Anthem chords, and that was when we knew it was time to approach the Parliament. We found a perfect spot, in the middle of the street, where to witness all the Guard Change and its following parade with the National Marching Band.

After this dose of Greek nationalism, we decided to go where the action happens: Plaka & Monasteraki. These two are the neighborhoods that surround the Acropolis and where the majority of restaurants and stores are located. Highly touristy, yet beautiful, so it’s well worth to put your “I’m-a-traveler-not-a-tourist” pride inside your pocket, and wonder the streets of Plaka guilt free. The delicious Greek treats you find your way will confirm your decision.

We had a highly Greek traditional lunch by the ladder of the Acropolis, sigh-seeing all Athens at the Klepsydra Tavern. Our first (out of maaaany) delicious Greek Salad with feta cheese, cucumber, peppers, onions and tomatoes, some tzatziki, the delicious yogurt, cucumber, garlic and herbs dip and a spanakopita, the very best spinach pie.

We had to make a decision: tackling the Acropolis and the Parthenon on the very first day, or leave it for the first thing for the following morning. We decided to go with the second option, having the whole morning to explore and to avoid the crowds - which so far, we’ve been tackling like pros. Hence, we went on and explored Anafiotika, the picturesque and artistic tiny neighborhood full of hidden alley and old houses around Plaka, by the northerneast side of the Acropolis hill.

I loved this house: on the background, a window to the past, where the Parthenon with its Greek and West heritage lays. Inside, the secret and the intimacy of a Greek family, with family portraits, Orthodox crosses, a coffee set and an old TV. And on the same window that allows you a glimpse of this family lifestyle, you can see the reflection of the “outside”, of us, of where we were standing, of today’s Athens, today’s possibilities and tomorrow’s chances in Europe and in the World. I absolutely felt for it.

The good thing about this area, (not so much Monasteraki) is that no matter which or how many turns you take, you’ll always find your way back. It’s confusing at first, but later you’ll discover its actual pocket size, and start enjoying the joy of being lost, not depending on your map nor phone to figure out where you are (again, another philosophical question to occupy your -un-worried mind while strolling the streets of Athens).

I don’t know if you had noticed it, but let me call your attention to the sky on all the pictures featured above and on absolutely most of the pictures taken during this trip. There was not a single day where the sky wasn’t entirely blue and without clouds in Athens. It was gorgeous and quite stricken. It’s a Greek clear sky, what I like call the “Gods’ Exodus” - they left their Olympus comfort to wonder around the street of Greece among us mortals, leaving the sky completely clean. Homer already wrote about it on the Odyssey and highlighted a concept that I truly like: the terrenal god, of divine dust and magic that blends, interacts and lives between men. I believe this is the way religion should be lived, felt and practiced, since when the encounter with one another and with oneself happens, it reflects that divinity spark that is walking around, ingrained in us, no doubt about it.

After more food, learning the Greek traditional dance, having a drink in Athens’ oldest bar and a deserved night full of jet-lag yet some sleep, we woke up with one objective in mind: having a tet-a-tet encounter with the Acropolis. The Acropolis is the name of the ancient citadel and complex group of historic buildings and remains located on one of Athens highest points, hence its name. The most iconic one of all is the Parthenon, but there are a bunch of other meaningful and equally astonishing buildings around worth to check out. First, the Parthenon is the “newest” temple dedicated to Athena, patron of Athens. It’s the biggest structure on site that remains standing and constant efforts to preserve it are done by the Greek Government and EU institutions. It’s formed by 17 standing columns (weird number, I know) and a smaller and smaller complex done inside with less and less number of them. Right next to it, with incredible goddess-like or nymphs style columns, is the Old Temple of Athena. The Erechtheum is on its right, dedicated to Athena and Poseidon. Then, there’s the famous Temple of Athena Nike, the one that served as an inspiration for the legendary sports brand since Nike is the Victory Goddess in battle and in friendly and athletic encounters. It’s a smaller and secluded temple, yet it’s wonderful and inspiring. The halo of “just do it” spreads around the whole Acropolis complex and inspires its visitor to accomplish and to dare every single desire they have on their bucket lists During sunset, in my mind the only song that was playing in loop while watching the shape of the Acropolis fade to black was “All the things I’ve done” by The Killers, since it played on a Nike commercial a while ago, stating that “All you need is already inside (you)”. Cliche? Maybe. Yet, empowering as hell.

Continuing the exploration of the Acropolis, there’s the Dionysus Theater as well as the Odeon of Herodes Atticus. The first one is small and a little bit ruined down in comparison to the magnitude and the preservation of the second one. Yet, the first one has a deeper and more meaningful connection with me. I used to have a literature teacher that went nuts about Greek Mythology and while teaching us Homer songs, he displayed his beloved fandom towards the Ancient World. We learned about the dithyramb, an ancient Greek hymn and feast dedicated in honor of Dionysus, the God of wine and fertility (my favorite kind of god ;) - so, what happened here, was a kind of old-style, all-in semi orgy with divine purposes where poetry, performances, dances, songs and goat sacrifices were done. Imagine my enthusiasm while witnessing the place my professor was so passionate about, describing it with high-pitched voice, almost like a politician, with emphasis and devotion, as trying to gain the Gods’ approval and grace with his lectures. Those classes were amazing, almost as good as walking and sitting on that same place IRL where comedy and tragedy, with often divine offerings happened.

Many, many, and some more wines, cafe stops and dishes later, we needed to say goodbye to Athens, at least for now, in order to embark towards Santorini. Mau had left to the airport, and I had yet a night to go. I wasn’t going to bed, regardless of my early flight, at least not before enjoying my last night in Athens, where the sky was clear, the stars were shining and the streets of Plaka were bursting with delicious food and activities to mesmerize me one more time. What happened? I was walking searching for a nice rooftop to have a drink or two and I found Cine Paris - this al fresco cinema, where Joker was playing, right next to the Acropolis. It was a sign: few minutes after its starting time, I walked in, grabbed a blanket, a drink and a pizza - yet traditional popcorn was available. I just came from experiencing all the tragedy and comedy offered to the Gods, and now I had the opportunity to watch this contemporary masterpiece in which these two elements are being portrait exquisitely by Joaquin Phoenix. It felt I was at the orchestra section while Athena, Dionysus and Poseidon where watching it from the main box. Loved it. Taking the early train towards the airport the following morning, was also something God-worth it. October 15, 6:56 AM, with the moon setting on my left and the sun rising on my right, in between the Athens hills and the high tension cables, it felt like Apolo was driving his carriage, chasing the moon, bringing the sun.

So now you know it, when in doubt about Greek plans, or for that sake, with everything you are questioning yourself to do, buy, travel or say, go with Victory’s Goddess wisdom and just do it, Niké already foresees your success ahead.

#greece #athens #parthenon #acropolis #joker #drama #comedy #europe #travel #discovery #beauty #history #philosophy #greek #food

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