#life that i feel like im actually building. im sick of existing in a place i don't actually want to live. i want to have an existence i can

[vexwerewolf]

Felicitations, comrade! We had our session 0 for the IGF campaign im running, and one of my players wants to be a moonlighter pirate "infiltrating" Hell's Gate militia. He was initially thinking of being affiliated with the Hell Hounds, which for obvious reasons would present some challenges. Do you have any advice for making this happen, what with the very first mission putting him up against his true boss? I dont know that he'd have enough time to have truly built up camraderie with the rest of the SRT to truly make his character have conflicted loyalties.

I mean, he'd have to have been with the militia a while to build up enough trust to be seriously considered for the SRT.

But moreover, let me tell you what being a Hell Hound is like.

CW: psychological and physical abuse

So one thing I want to make it clear that the Hell Hounds are basically an incel cult without the weird gender-sexual overtones. I imagine there ARE women and enbies who join it but in essence Andros Capella is a creepy weirdo who preys on disaffected, primarily male youth with no prospects and indoctrinates them into his worldview of nihilistic violence.

Andros doesn't really have a philosophy, or at least not one that he could describe in words (and even if he could, he wouldn't), but it could be summed up as "the weak exist solely to create things for the strong to take." You are worthy of having things if you are strong enough to take them, but only so long as you're strong enough to keep them.

The closest political ideology I could ascribe to him would be "stateless fascism." Andros is certainly sadistic, devoid of empathy and believes himself to be supreme, but he's too intellectually lazy to bother engaging in justifying why he's supreme. He makes the most basic of naturalistic arguments (i.e. "this is just the way the world works") but feels it's beneath him to actually justify or provide evidence for his claims.

He hates the minutiae of day-to-day life, and derives no joy from anything that doesn't involve someone else's discomfort or pain. He will steal your food for the sheer thrill of having taken something that you wanted to eat, but he won't enjoy eating it because he despises the physical sensations of chewing and swallowing.

And if you are a Hell Hound who, god forbid, enjoys something, he will bully the shit out of you. He will verbally and physically abuse you until you learn to hate the thing you liked just to make the pain stop.

Lemme tell you what the average night on Fort Cerberus looks like when you're not on a raid: you and a couple hundred other sick fucks lurk around the corridors drinking and gambling but you sure as hell better not actually look like you're having fun because you're all desperately trying to avoid becoming the bossman's next chew toy.

Some poor fuck catches Andros' eye. You're not sure what for, but from the sounds of things he might've been counting his poker winnings too loud. He gets a hand on his shoulder from the big man, who tells him that he's being too selfish - gotta learn to share a bit more, yeah? Now, way Andros sees it, guy's got ten fingernails that he's keeping all to himself, so here's a set of pliers - redistribute.

You jeer along with the rest of the room, loud enough to drown out his screams, because you're so very, very relieved that it isn't you. But you fuck up. You look a little bit too enthusiastic, perhaps, or maybe it's the opposite, maybe you weren't forcing it enough. Either way, the bossman's eyes land on you and your blood turns to ice in your veins.

"You," he says. "C'mere."

The room is dead silent all of a sudden, quiet enough that the pitiful whimpering of the first guy, (currently on his second thumbnail) is the only sound you can hear. You walk over, as a prisoner does to the place of execution.

He takes your hands, inspecting your fingernails, and then your hands, then your arms. "No ink yet? You not pulling your weight? Am I payin' to feed a fuckin' leech?"

You say you're not a leech.

"Those pricks over at the Gate are gettin' too clever. Learning too quick. Gettin' the jump on us too many times. I want someone over there learnin' what they know. You 'avin' no ink makes you a good choice. They'd sniff out any of these boys in a second, they would, but not you. You look soft. Don't he look soft, boys?"

The room jeers at you just as you jeered at the first guy (he's on his ninth nail, now, and his throat is so hoarse he can't make sounds anymore). You try your best to remain composed.

"Normally soft'd be fuckin' worthless. But soft'll let you blend right in with the Gaters."

So, to avoid whatever horrific torture he's currently ideating, you agree. The next time they go out on a raid, they pick a ship full of people who don't know each other and slip you in with the passengers when nobody's looking. You don't go to Hell's Gate directly - you do a couple of hops through the Thousand Habs, just to throw off suspicion.

You sue for residency on the station as a refugee from a failed habitat. They give you your own cabin, and they make sure you're fed and clothed. You smirk to yourself - they really are as soft as Andros said they'd be; they have food and water and clothes and they're just giving them away!

You don't have all that many marketable skills, so after a few rotations scrubbing air filters, you apply to take the militia aptitude test. You try to play it down so they don't get suspicious, but if nothing else you're a damn good pilot, so you get fast-tracked. These fucking idiots just give you a mech! God, it's gonna be so easy to tear them apart from the inside.

They put you in a team. You train together, building up hours in the simulators. Then something weird happens. They... trust you? They want to... spend time with you, outside the simulators. They want to drink with you, play games with you, hear about your life. Well, is it more suspicious if you say no? You have to maintain your cover.

You don't always fit in well. Sometimes you crack jokes that are... a little unpleasant, a little off, a little worrying, and you learn to bite those down because it's bad for your cover. You also have this odd air about you, like you're constantly on guard, like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop (like somebody's gonna make you rip your fingernails out if you're too happy). People figure you must've gone through some trauma and are kind stupid enough not to pry.

You feed information about the militia back to Andros - carefully, so as not to blow your cover. Some members of your team get hurt - nobody dies, but they get hurt. You feel... bad. Why do you feel bad? They're soft, they're weak, they don't mean anything. They're not your real friends. You don't have any friends.

Months pass. Jerry says he wants to tap your team for a long-standing project he's working on. This is your chance. Sabotaging this will prove to Andros that you're strong, that you're not weak, that you're not a leech, that you can pull your weight.

Sure, a bunch of your team will have to die. The only people who've ever put their trust in you, the only people who've ever believed in you. But that's fine, right? They don't mean anything, they're not real people, right? They're idiots for trusting you, right? They deserve it, right?

Right?

... right?

#lancer #lancer rpg #lancerrpg #lancer-rpg #in golden flame #cw: abuse #cw: injury #cw: indoctrination #cw: violence #cw: cults

[unearthlychild34]

I am sometimes smart enough to be able to outrun myself. What a gift.

I have had plenty of people ask me why I hold to my religion in an era when it is becoming passé. I can give lots of pretty reasons, ones that are true and that I even believe, ones I think are enough to satisfy them. I was raised in it, it provides a kind of structure I find valuable, society is better when we believe in principles like love, hope, and justice, even simply that I think it’s true.

Then we get deeper, the things I rarely admit out loud. I’ve seen too much to ever successfully shake it off. As Flannery O’Connor and Graham Greene wrote, I know any attempts to outrun it will only circle me back around. Because at its heart, Ive had too many moments when fate could, or perhaps even should have ended differently. Ended with me being dead. Over and over and over again.

As much as I wish it was selfless, at its heart, I am haunted by the idea that I shouldn’t be here, and I need to understand why. There has to be a why. Especially on the nights when my continuing to live feels like a mistake.

Ive spent my whole life being able to see too much, know too much, feel too much. Everywhere I go, I feel like a harbinger, an omen of doom. It is not doom I create, but I continually find myself situated in places right before chaos breaks out, as old things die and new ones must be born out of the still-screaming ashes. I talk to people who have loved people, places, and institutions which have supported them their entire lives, out of which they build families and identities and homes. I can’t understand what that must be like.

Ive been told before that I have a gift for prophecy, of a kind of intimacy with God in communication. It’s rarely felt like a gift.

I recently found a blog which pondered the relationship between God and his prophets. How they often wished for death, an end to the burden. They wondered if this is why God came down, to find out why these beloved ones wanted to die. If he too grows tired of himself sometimes. Im certainly tired, but I don’t know of what.

People ask me what I want from life. All I can do is scream “meaning” into the void and politely smile as I respond “Oh, you know, Im young, Im not really sure.” Because Im not sure I’ll find it. Im falling in love with a woman who suffocates under the mere idea of organized religion as I consider pursuing seminary. I want to go back to school but know my body can’t handle it, my heart can’t handle it. I might go anyway. Im working a job that lets me see beautiful sunrises, be active and work with my hands, but also meaningfully engage my mind and do something genuinely valuable for my community. Someone else would do it if I didn’t. Maybe I could accomplish more as a college professor. Maybe I could accomplish more as a stay-at-home parent. Maybe I could accomplish more if I devoted my life to research, or wrote inspiring books, or worked in a nonprofit setting. Maybe this is the most good I’ll ever do, right here and now.

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow. Maybe it doesn’t actually mean anything. Maybe my existence is both anomaly and unremarkable, and my continuing presence here is also unremarkable. Maybe everyone is better off without me anyway.

But Im not ready to accept that. So all I can do is keep telling myself that I believe in love, hope and justice for a reason. That it does have meaning. And if God does get sick of himself sometimes, that only means that he understands why I feel so nauseous tonight. And maybe I will someday find that meaning. Maybe not. But I won’t find it if I don’t look.

[hella1975]

hi okay so, this is a piece of shitty poetry i wrote just now after thinking about your protrayal of zuko (again) and wanted to share bc im a dumb bitch who craves validation and needs to know what you think of this. and if i put a little too much of myself into it in the process, and it became more about my weird relationship with being trans than zuko, it's irrelevant, dont ask questions! it was about zuko initially and i still think it can kinda be applied to him so thats all that matters!! pls forgive the lack of capitalisation, its turned off on my phone and im too lazy to change it :,)

(you dont have to read the next part but if u finish the poem and think it sucks it will explain why lmfao)

BUT FIRST, i need to clarify that ive never written poetry in my life, i know nothing about writing, and my punctuation is definitely all over the place. this whole thing for sure sucks but i have an excuse!! a flimsy one, sure, but still an excuse! im 16 and dont remember ever actually learning gow to write, or all about punctuation or any of that jazz. this is more of a stream of consciousness than a poem. and its just a rough draft so, very unfinished too!! so if u really dont like it that will explain why. basically the point of this whole paragraph is just to tell you that im dumb but im also terrified so please be nice to me bc i will cry and that is a threat! (if im starting to sound hysterical and like im spiralling its bc i am okay pls ignore it)

okay so enough excuses, here she is:

this deep, harsh, incessant feeling of shame harbouring in the bottom of my gut is to me, what roots are to a tree,

solid, strong, and stable,

intertwined with my bones and rooted within my very being.

it feeds me and mother me, swaddling me like an infant and rocking me to sleep from within its familiar, welcoming grasp.

I need it for survival, so integral in my very existence that ripping us apart would destroy all thats left within me.

But yet, we are so very unlike that beautiful symbiosis that the root and plant achieve,

that sweet, simple promise, void of all evil, so pure and light that it, He speaks vengefully about it, spitting sour words into my face and whispering harsh lies into my ears.

Our promise is not so gentle. it solely benefits Him, throwing all of me into the dirt and replacing him with a new unidentifiable creature, borne of self hatred and a need to become something, anything else. a dire need to detach myself from everything ive ever been and anything i could possibly become.

He is a parasite, a horrible looming creature, a cruel beast, making me cower in fear within my own, wretched body. He is cruel, intent on toppling the civilisation i spent so long building, the kingdom of my ego, my heart, my emotion; while i sit, and i watch, and i do nothing.

i may need Him to push the breathe from my lungs and carry the blood through my veins, but, He does not need me. He will never need me. im merely another of his children, an effortlessly replaceable thing. a shameful, ugly creature that He does not care for. that He does love. that He does not need. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me.

anonstie i absolutely adored this you cant write something with the theme of shame written with visceral nature imagery and expect me not to go stupid crazy. the way it starts so structured and delicate just to end with that hysterical repetition like it's all falling apart and i LOVE your wording of things, like 'our promise is not so gentle' is such a sick line. im obsessed with this tysm for sending it me!

#as a writer who also never properly got taught anything and had to figure everything out alone i am GRABBING you by the shoulders rn #this is so good and there was no need to be so doubtful of yourself! i hope you keep writing :) #ask

[greatcomets]

ok venting in the tags like it's 2014 whatever i'm mentally ill. i'll post a fucked up cat after this to make up for it

#i think i'm just lonely in general. like as a person #i always forget that i don't actually have that many friends but since quitting my job it's getting a little unavoidable #one really good six months where i felt like i was finally coming out of the worst years of my life and nothing at all to show for it #and i feel stupid for like. WANTING to meet people and make connections etc like it feels like it should be unhealthy in some way? and the #friends i do have are great so why mentally do i feel like i need anything else yk. and i dont know the answer and i REALLY dont know how th #e rest of my friends got past this. i just like meeting and knowing people. i don't know. which is cool but i'm going back to school which. #i don't know they're all lovely people but i don't feel like they do. at all. like there's a reason i have 4 friends who only hang out with #each other/me. not at all a knock on anyone at school but it's so hard to find commonalities just with the way the student culture is or wha #tever. i dont know. i dont know! what am i even saying. sorry this sucks i need to like. get over myself. i was not built to not be in #cities. like even if i'm horribly depressed the feeling of people existing around me helps. i don't want to feel alone anymore. i want a #life that i feel like im actually building. im sick of existing in a place i don't actually want to live. i want to have an existence i can #be nostalgic for and make connections i can still have 2 years from now. i hate that i'm there now and i still can't do anything about it bc #of fucking covid !!!!!!! i miss feeling momentum and excitment and like. drive. i want to make art and show people art and be shown art. and #im sick of kombucha and im borderline sick of weed LOL !!! and i never want to fucking go hiking again. and i MISS NEW YORK !!! and i miss #my dad. idk. idk. anyway. the point is i do not have a lot of friends and i never realize it until they're all busy and i'm venting on tumbl #r dot com like i used to do in like. High school. awful shit ❤️ much love #i only mean like 50-80% of this you decide #wow i sound like an asshole

[flokali]

i am. SO SORRY for my last three asks being hornee but. do u think xhongli would b into being collared. this is for science and by science i mean parading my favorite prettiest goodest boy around by the leash -💉 [despite foaming at the mouth over zhongli im actually a mostly a kaeya simp so just fucking seeing him in ur other response had me 💖👄💖 LMAO]

Omg don’t worry… I don’t blame you at all :’) Like, Zhongli makes everyone’s hormones at least 10x more sensitive every second.

And Kaeya? Please… I love him so much, I’ve been building him to add on my team and he’s just so !! Like, ask me more about him… he’s also lowkey my favorite 🤧😵‍💫

All I’m saying is… if you think Zhongli is down bad and horny, Kaeya is on the ground and digging deeper.

The rest of the ask is bellow!

Normal! Zhongli? I’m not so sure — even Yandere! Zhongli would hesitate a bit, but Rem/Vita Zhongli?

He’d be honored, really! The fact you took the time to pick a collar and a leash for him have him quite flustered, he’s craved your attention for centuries after all.

Behind his stone-like and composed exterior, one fit for a God such as himself, he’s nothing but a whipped man. Even before he became “Zhongli”, as Morax and Rex Lapis, he’s always been hopelessly devoted to you — he has never really tried to deny it (even though there was a time long since passed where he would have mocked and scowl at your existence, a fact he’s very much ashamed of), so there’s really no hesitation when he hooks the leash to the collar adorning his neck.

He never takes it off, even if you tell him it’s not necessary — that it’s a gift for certain occasions and that he doesn’t need to spend every moment of his life wearing it — his neck feels empty now whenever he’s not wearing your gift; so he’s always wearing it. Simple problems require simple solutions.

A very delusional part of him sees it as you claiming ownership over him, which is something he really quite enjoys; that means you like him? That you’re proud of him, that his years of hard work have paid off, that he’s your favorite; that you love him.

That’s really all he could ask for and more.

There’s a sick sense of pride that hazes his head whenever you take him out, even if it’s just to walk around the gardens of your teapot, your hand softly tugging at the leash, his body jolting in pleasure at the way you bring him closer. He’s a God, he’s strong — he could break away from the flimsy chains that shackle him to you and yet he behaves, stays put in his spot as you spoil him with love.

Zhongli knows other acolytes glare at him, how they wish it were them in his place, and he adores it. Even after all these years, an emotion as ugly as the sick pride and joy he feels from their envious stares beats within his heart.

He all but melts in his shoes when you tell him he’s your prettiest boy, how glad you are about having such a handsome, loyal man such as himself by your side — how enchanted you are by his willingness to serve; words like these only stroke his already quite large ego.

Let’s just hope no one challenges his spot as your favorite.

#yandere genshin impact #self aware genshin #yandere genshin #yandere genshin au #genshin impact x reader #yandere zhongli #yandere morax #genshin impact #yandere harem #yandere red lapis #๋࣭ ancient scrolls #๋࣭. shino’s offerings #๋࣭. Hidden devotee: Syringe #๋࣭. nsft

[waitimcomingtoo]

Plank All Over Me - 72 Questions With Vogue Edition

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Plank All Over Me Series Masterlist

Regular Masterlist

“Hi. I’m here from Vogue. Mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Oh, hey. Didn’t see you there.” You flirtatiously flipped your perfectly curled hair over your shoulder and winked at the camera. “Come on in.”

You walked inside your house, and gestured for the camera man to follow. In preparation for the interview, you and Tom had gotten out every award you’d ever won and strategically placed them around the house. You smiled at the camera and rubbed your hand over your growing baby bump.

“Welcome to my crib. Sorry it’s such a mess.” You rolled your eyes and faked a laugh, knowing the house was far from being a mess. You kept walking and saw Tom in the living room, polishing on of his awards with a feather duster.

“Oh my stars.” You feigned a gasp once you spotted Tom. “Is that my husband, the critically acclaimed movie star and Lip-sync battle winner, Tom Holland? I had no idea he was home.” You winked at the camera again.

“Oh, hello.” Tom stopped dusting and posed with a smile. “Don’t mind me. I was just cleaning this.”

“Might want to give that a dusting too.” You pointed to one of your awards before sending the camera another huge smile.

“Are you guys ready to answer some questions?” The camera guy asked.

“I was born ready.” Tom concurred with a smile.

“You were a C section baby.” You reminded him. “You weren’t even born.”

“I was removed ready.” He kept the same tone in his voice.

“Where did you meet?” The camera man asked as you and Tom began to walk towards your backyard.

“We met at BBC Radio 1 while doing the Plank All Over Me challenge.” Tom answered.

“Where was your first date?”

“Cracker Barrel.” You winked at the camera as you opened your back door. Tom laughed and shook his head at your joke.

“It was not. We got milkshakes at an Ice Cream Shop in Soho.” He corrected you.

“Who made the first move?”

“Why, he did.” You touched a hand to your heart. “He found me after the planking challenge, both our arms sore and aching, and asked me out on a date. We’ve been together ever since.”

“When you did you move in together?”

“About six months into the relationship when I realized she had a bigger bathroom than me.” Tom answered as he took a seat in one of your decorative deck chairs.

“How long have you been together?”

“Since September 29, 2019 at precisely 6:33 p.m.” You responded.

“Wow. Just a year?”

“Realistically, we’ve been together for a few years, but that’s when this series was first posted.” You shrugged. Tom and the camera blinked in confusion for a few minutes as they processed what you said.

“Moving on.” The camera man cleared his throat. “Tom, how did you pick an engagement ring?”

“I went into the shop and I said “which is the least expensive because I’m trying to buy a Porsche” and that’s how she ended up with this bad boy.” Tom smirked as he held up your hand to show off your engagement ring.

“I can’t wait to tell our baby that story.” You played along as you rubbed your baby bump.

“When did you know you wanted to propose?”

“As soon as she started whining because the planking was hurting her arms, I knew she was the one.” Tom joked.

“Did you know he was going to propose?”

“Surprisingly, no.” You laughed. “It’s the one secret he’s ever kept.

“I nearly got an ulcer from trying to keep it from her.” Tom blew out a breath.

“Who planned the majority of the wedding?”

“I did.” You declared. “I had to text Tom the morning of the wedding to remind him where the venue was.”

“Did either of you cry?”

“As soon as I mentioned the yoga challenge in my vows, the whole room was sobbing.” Tom teased.

“How big was the reception?”

“Let’s just say, we had all the Avengers there.” Tom nodded.

“All the important ones, anyway.” You joked. “Mackie couldn’t make it.”

“How did you spend your honeymoon?”

“We went to Bali and didn’t see any of it.” Tom smirked, earning a playful smack on the arm from you.

“What’s been your favorite video together?”

“I loved the prank with Josh.” You answered with a smile.

“I didn’t.” Tom shook his head. “I nearly threw hands with a ginger that day. I quite liked the friendship test.”

“What video gave you the fondest memories?”

“Spill your Guts, for sure. That’s when I learned about the existence of this one.” Tom beamed as he rubbed your baby bump.

“What was your least favorite video to film?”

“We already know Tom’s answer.” You chuckled.

“Prank interview.” He stated. “To this day, I hate it.”

“Did you see yourself getting married when you first met?”

“All I saw were the nose hairs in Tom’s nostrils when we first met.” You laughed. “After all, he did plank on me for six and a half minutes.”

“I had a feeling we would.” Tom smiled shyly. “Or a hope, at least.”

You pouted at his sincerity and leaned forward to kiss him, which his happily accepted.

“Have you thought of baby names?”

“Josh.” You answered immediately and Tom groaned.

“I’m kidding.” You rolled your eyes. “I really like the name Ryan Reynolds though.”

”What are you hoping for?”

“An oscar.” Tom answered at the same time you said “A divorce.”

“You already want a divorce?” The camera man laughed.

“Oh, not a divorce from Tom.” You assured him. “I want Ryan Reynolds to divorce Blake Lively so he can marry me instead.” You explained as Tom nodded along.

“And I want to die every time she says that.” He cracked a smile.

“Let’s get back to the baby questions.” The camera man said as you began to move around the yard. “Do you know the gender?”

“We do.” Tom said deviously. “But we’re not telling.”

“Do you think the baby will be more like their mother or their father?”

“Definitely me.” You stated.

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because Tom’s not the father.” You smiled sweetly. Tom stared at the camera with an unamused expression and shook his head.

“Who’s going to be the fun parent?”

“Considering I’m the parent who can swing from buildings, I say me.” Tom boasted.

“Who’s going to teach the baby how to read?”

“I am. And after the baby learns, they can teach Tom.” You smiled as you patted Tom’s shoulder.

“Do you think the baby will like to plank?”

“If they’re anything like their mommy, no.” Tom poked fun at you.

“And if they’re anything like their daddy, they’ll grow up to play the Green Lantern.” You shot back.

“Hahahah. She’s so funny.” Tom forced a laugh at your joke.

“Do you think the baby will develop your senses of humor?”

“Wait, you have a sense of humor?” You asked Tom. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“She loves me so much, it’s crazy.” Tom deadpanned towards the camera.

“Do you want the baby to grow up to be an actor or actress like you guys?”

“I just want the baby to be happy.” Tom gave a serious answer. “Every thing else will fall into place on its own.”

“That’s a great answer. Do you think you’ll post about the baby a lot of keep them out of the spotlight for the first few years of their life?”

“I think we’ll wait until they’re at least 4 months old until we exploit them for our own financial gain.” You said and Tom nodded along.

“Have you picked out the godparents yet?”

“Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal.” You joked. “They’re so excited. Jake said he would take the baby fishing.”

“He’s taken me fishing a few times.” Tom said as he stared off.

“How have you been preparing for the baby?”

“Well, I personally stopped sleeping, changed my whole diet, started lactating, and my pelvic bone separated in the middle so that I could push the baby out. Tom, what did you do?” You tilted your head at him.

“I bought the car seat.” Tom said proudly. “My wife picked it out, though.”

“I also drove him there.” You glared at the camera for a moment, cracking a smile after your joke.

“What are you most looking forward to after the baby is born?”

“Laying on my stomach.” You laughed as you looked down at your protruding bump.

“I also miss laying on her stomach.” Tom pouted as he rubbed the bump. “That was my favorite cuddle position.”

“Aw. I’m sorry we can’t cuddle the way you want to anymore because I’m growing your child inside my body.” You said sarcastically, making Tom laugh.

“Thank you for growing our child inside your body. I don’t say it enough.” Tom praised as he leaned in for a kiss.

“You’re welcome.” You smiled at him before turning to the camera man. “Anything else you want to know?”

“Actually, I have a question.” Tom stated as he looked at the camera.

“What’s that?” The camera man asked. You and Tom looked at each other and exchanged a smile before turning back the the camera.

“Are you excited to meet our baby girl?”

Tag List 🏷

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[post-modern-prometheus]

Okay I’m not sure how accurate this concept would be but im sharing it anyway

Essentially, Peter manifests the whole metal bending abilities (the actual word is super hard to spell holy shit) when he’s a little kid. He and Wanda would spend hours practicing with their own separate powers bc they were kind of similar in their own weird way. Not completely, but still, that wouldn’t stop them. And though it drove their mother insane sometimes, it was always so fun for them.

Then Peter manifests his super speed, which he uses to do all sorts of shit. He’s very excited about having two different mutations, and he spends hours just fucking around with both of them. Wanda sometimes joins him when she’s actually up for feeling incredibly sick after being sped around constantly, and Peter always tries to make the trips as fun as possible to make up for the nausea she gets from running with him.

Years pass, and the whole Pentagon thing happens. Wanda and Magda are both very upset about it, but Peter doesn’t think much about their worries until Magneto appears on TV. THEN he gets upset. And he only gets even more upset when Magda reveals that Erik is he and Wanda’s father.

But it’s nothing compared to how Wanda feels.

She rants and yells and shouts, begging their mother to tell them that it’s all one sick joke. Wanda doesn’t want to be related to Magneto. She doesn’t want to be a monster’s daughter. Eventually, she just shuts herself in her room. And while Peter would usually go up there as well in order to comfort her, he is also shaken about this latest revelation.

He always wanted to know who is father was, but now that he does, he wishes he could erase the truth from his mind.

Weeks pass, and the Maximoff household is pretty subdued. Wanda refuses to leave her room, Peter refuses to leave the house, and they both refuse to talk to anyone but each other. Magda wants to help her children, but she also understands that something like this takes time. So for the most part, she leaves them be, hoping that soon enough, their life would go back to how it used to be.

But that decision ends up costing her daughter her life.

Wanda, overwhelmed by the truth about her father and how the existence of mutants is now known to the public, just breaks one day. Wisps of red starts swirling around her fingertips, sharp and jagged, like the blade of a knife. And all she can do is stare at them as they start engulfing her hands entirely, so many emotions currently running through her.

Peter immediately senses that something is wrong and tries getting into her room, but her magic keeps him out. Wanda tells him to leave, and when he doesn’t, she uses her magic to get him, Magda, and their little sister out of the house. And when they try to get back in again, her magic stops them from even reaching the door.

Soon her magic starts spreading. It swirls around Wanda until it’s all she can see, and all the pain and fear she had felt for the past few weeks takes rises to the surface and takes hold. Her magic lashes out, and the building starts to tremble and shake. Bits of rubble fall around her, but she doesn’t stop — not even when she hears her family’s distressed voices from outside.

Eventually, the building collapses, and Wanda doesn’t survive.

And Peter? He tries to keep the building up with his metal abilities, but Wanda’s magic is too strong, and it kills her. It kills her and Peter feels her dying. He feels her taking her last breath. He feels her life seep from her body. He feels their bond they had shared since birth break into two, leaving only a dark, hollow feeling in its wake. It’s like his heart had been ripped to pieces, like his soul had been snapped in half, and he falls to his knees screaming and clutching his chest.

And though Wanda is the one dead, he can’t help but feel as if he had died along with her.

Months pass, and what remains of the Maximoff’s struggle to rebuild their life in the house they had moved into. But the loss of Wanda is large and overwhelming, and no one can stop thinking about it. Peter especially, who remains devastated and hiding in his basement, trying to shut out the world. He believes that her death is his fault for many reasons, and he just can’t stop thinking about that gaping hole in his heart where his twin sister once was.

Eventually, he can’t take it any longer and leaves the house in order to search for some way to fix it. While a part of him knows that death can’t be reversed, he is desperate and just wants his twin back. So no matter what everyone else says, he goes anyway. After all, almost nothing can stop a Maximoff when they have their mind set on something.

A few more months of searching pass, and Peter comes across a woman called Agatha Harkness (hehe). She tells him that she can bring his sister back from the dead, but she wants something in return. Peter agrees instantly, prepared to do anything to get Wanda, his other half, back.

But then, Agatha tells him that in order to get his twin back, she wants one of his mutations, but won’t tell him which one. Peter, of course, is taken aback. And while a part of him is horrified at the idea of living without superspeed or metallokinesis, he agrees once again. His sister is more important that his powers, after all.

(Did I mention that this is sort of based off of the song ‘Poor Unfortunate Souls’ from the little mermaid? Because it is.)

ANYWAYS!!! Agatha does her thing, and wisps of purple magic surrounds Peter. A part of him is terrified and wants to pull away from it, but he forces himself to keep still. Soon enough, some of the purple magic slams into him, and he cries out when he feels a harsh tug on his chest. It’s painful, but not as painful as losing his twin, and yet, he still ends up passing out.

When he wakes up, it’s in a run down looking house with no Agatha in sight. But, as he gets up, he sees his sister sprawled out on the floor nearby. He runs to her side, and as soon as he drops to his knees beside her, Wanda’s eyes snap open. And suddenly, their bond snaps back into place, and that emptiness in his heart and soul is filled.

Wanda is alive.

But Wanda is pretty confused. She asks him what’s going on, bc the last thing she remembers is the house falling on top of her, followed by pain and then darkness. Peter, upon hearing her voice, just bursts into tears and clings to her. Wanda, despite being confused, can sense his relief and distress and hugs him back.

Soon, Peter pulls away, and Wanda asks once again what happened. And he tells her. He tells her that she had caused the building to collapse on top of her, he tells her that she had died. And he tells her about meeting Agatha, who promised she could bring Wanda back at the price of one of his mutations.

Peter pauses when he gets to the mutation part though, and terrified, he tries to go back into superspeed. The world slows down, and he is close to crying with relief. His superspeed hadn’t been taken. But then he realizes what that means. Dropping out of superspeed, Peter reaches out a hand and tries to call something metal over to him. But it doesn’t work.

He had lost his metallokinesis, and although that hurts, his twin had been brought back to him, and that’s all that matters.

moodboard brought to you by post break up ricky bc HOLY SHIT

#actually this also works for after reading i want to break free #like thats what i did for the rest of the day it was so intense and brutal and heavy #and also off topic ANYWAY #peter maximoff #wanda maximoff

[northcarolinanative]

𝙲𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 (𝟻)

Chapter 5: The Bigger Picture

A/N: WOW! Y’all are so sweet and amazing <3 Here is Chapter 5. Tension is building, kinda. This is so s l o w burn that it’s hurting me. I kinda want this to be about more than just a romance tho? Especially in the beginning, but I am working on the other chapters, and where it is heading, I promise! Bare with me haha! Also I have no clue if those maps exist or if that’s even a thing. I’m just making it up, but it could be right haha. 

I practically dragged JJ through the front door of the Chateau. “What’s all this about Y/N” JJ finally asked as you both walked through the kitchen. I pulled my keys out of my pocket, fiddling on the keyring, finding the small golden key. I held it up to JJ, rattling the other keys, a smile plastered to my face. “A key? How exactly is that supposed to help us Y/N?” I rolled my eyes in response. I turned to the door, just on the side of the living room. 

My dad’s office. 

As long as I could remember, I was never allowed in there for extended periods of time. I would wander in some late nights when he left the door cracked, or to bring him a glass of water and a snack. I could see him now thinking back, hunched over the desk, glasses low on his nose, pen in one hand, the other holding the map that he was marking up. 

“Ah. Y/N. Taking care of your old man, making sure I stay alive I see” and he would chuckle, but I didn’t. I left, and days later her disappeared, he was killed all because of that stupid shipwreck, just like my brother. 

I rummaged through a few things, pulling binders down and looking through the first few pages. JJ looked over at me, honestly worried. I mean if I was watching someone else in my position I probably would be too. I know I probably looked crazy, I was grasping at short, short straws. It was all because I was not ready to give up on my brother just yet. I found the binder labeled “Ship maps”. I pulled it out and handed it to JJ. Okay, maybe this was a little far-fetched, but it was something. 

JJ took it carefully out of my hand. He hesitantly looked at me before looking down at the map, slowly unfolding it. I started to tap my fingers against the table. My nerves were on edge as JJ looked between the map he was unfolding and me. His hand reached down to cover mine that was tapping at an annoyingly fast pace. I bit my lip as he looked over the map. 

He furrowed his brows and looked up at me. “What am I looking at exactly?” He questioned. I laid the map out on the table. I couldn’t blame him, if my dad had not been into this stuff I wouldn’t know what was happening either. 

“Okay so here,” I pointed to one of the lines that were on the page, and traced it down the coast of North Carolina, to where it landed in a port in Charleston, “is the route that the ship was recorded to talk, based off of the sonar and the GPS in it. Ya know, the kinda thing that the bigger, hauling, cargo ships have? For the long trips?” I finished looking for the key. 

JJ slowly nodded his head looking at me. He could tell I might be on to something, he just was not quite sure yet. I flipped up the side of the map, just the first panel, and it showed an elaborate excel table, filled with numbers and symbols. “Here” I pointed to one of the highlighted symbols along the path that I previously traced, “Is…” I took my other hand to skim the table to the side, trying to find the matching color and symbol. “Ah. Here.” I tapped the symbol in the table, JJ leaned closer to me making my breath hitch involuntarily, we were so close, we were touching, practically no space between us. “See here it says that this ship reached 35.1146° N, 75.9810° W, on Saturday, May 14th, 2007, at…” I followed the line with my finger, 16:45” I finished my rant. 

“Okay.” JJ breathed out, his brows still knitted close together. I could see the worry in his eyes. At this moment I could not see it, but he thought I might have been going crazy, things are starting to get to me.”Y/N, this is great, but I don’t know what this has to do with John B.” He sighed. “But I'm not gonna lie, a girl who knows her way around the ocean, the commanding voyage out to sea, boss babe style, kinda hot Y/N” JJ joked, trying to lighten the mood and his worry, then he realized how close we were, but he didn’t move. 

I let out a laugh. It felt natural, which was nice. “I'm being serious JJ,” I said, still laughing and pushing his shoulder back. 

“Whatever you say,” He paused. “Princess.” I rolled my eyes looking back over the map. “What does all this mean though? How is this map, from before we knew what the Merchant was, going to help us find John B?” 

“Ah, you have to think bigger JJ. You see if we can get the coordinates of the Phantom’s last signals, where it was found, or where it could have been between last night and when they pulled it up, we can cross-reference that, with any boats that may have come through. If we can somehow get a map from any of those larger companies, maybe the ferries, hell we might even be able to get it off the internet. We can see if any boats came around then start from there?” I said, but it sounded like a question. “I know that it’s barely anything, but it’s something JJ!’ I continued rambling. “If the ships picked up JB and Sarah, pulled them on board, then  maybe…” I didn’t know how to finish the thought. I looked up from the scattered maps to JJ. 

JJ stared blankly at the maps then up at me. He both put his hand on the sides of my face and just looked at me. He probably thought I was crazy, that I was losing my mind. “You’re a genius Y/N” He then placed a quick dramatic kiss on the top of my forehead. “Seriously, I never would have even thought to look into any of that.” He stepped back. I was slightly taken about by his actions had we always been this touchy with one another when John B was around. “So where the hell do we start Nancy Drew?” JJ said, rubbing his hands together making me laugh. 

“The ferry would be a good place?” I said shrugging my shoulders. “But I haven't exactly thought that far ahead” I laughed a little, and saw a smile still on JJ’s face.

“Then we’ll start at the ferry’s office!”  JJ said moving out of the office. I looked up and around the room. At all the research that my father did. All the books that line the walls, the maps hung up, all of it. I wanted to get rid of it. My skin felt hot and I could feel it turning red. I gripped the table tightly, hoping the anger would pass. A picture frame on the wall caught my attention. I lifted it from the hook it was sitting on. In the frame was a picture of the Royal Merchant, labeled and matted. Stuck on the outside of the glass, covering the lower corner of the Merchant was a picture of the three of us, John B, my dad, and I. It was taken a few summers ago by our neighbor, we had come back from a long day out on the boat fishing. I felt tears start to form in my eyes. My back was facing the door so I didn’t see JJ enter the room. He came up behind me, putting his hands on either of my shoulders. He looked down at the photos in my hands. 

I reached one hand up to wipe a stray tear. I was so sick of crying. “I can’t believe that a shipwreck from the 1800s made me lose two of the most important people in my life.” 

“I know” JJ spun me around to look at him. “You have a plan,” He said smiling

“We’ve got a plan” I corrected him. “Actually, before we head out on this chase, do you think you could help me with something?” I said softly. 

“Anything,” JJ replied. The worried look still in his eyes.  

“Can you help me clean up here?” I looked around at the mess, from when I got here, and the mess that I had just made. “I don’t know, I just want to clean it up, lock the door, and not think about it for a while,” I said, starting to fold-up maps. 

“Of course.” JJ smiled starting to close up binders and arrange them on the shelf. “If  you were going to use me as a maid Routledge, you could have at least bought me one of those cute costumes?” 

I pretended to gag. “JJ that is an image that I did not need in my head.” 

“You may not have needed it, but I bet you’re enjoying it.” He winked in my direction. I felt the blush creeping back onto my face. 

“In your dreams J,” I said with a laugh. 

CH 6

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[spideyanakin]

Le vent se lève, il faut tenter de vivre

Peter Parker x Reader

A/n : this was definitely not inspired by Barbie Mermaidia 👀

Synopsis; The wind rises its time to try and live. Peter becomes Spider-Man and has to push you away. He realises its the biggest mistake hes ever made.

🧚🏼‍♀️Masterlist 🧚🏼‍♀️

You and Peter had always been the best of friends. You were almost inseparable since the day you met. Both of you were desperately in love with each other, and everyone knew it. But neither of you wanted to ruin the perfect friendship you had, so you both stayed quiet enjoying your precious friendship.

You were only 12 the day you got bitten and far from being ready to handle such powers, and you thanked Peter every day for being there for you.

You were soon under Tony Stark's wing, and Peter loved all your stories. But when you came back every day with a brand new adventure to tell, the same name came up and filled him with jealousy.

You apparently had another best friend. One that was a superhero this time. The name Wiccan came up in all your stories and even buzzed up your phone.

Peter knew very well who he was even if he'd never met him. It was this fantastique new Avenger who was about your age. He was apparently somehow related to Scarlet Witch, and Peter hated how close the two of you were.

So when Peter heard some parts of your conversation with him and the words "I love you." and "Babe" popped up, Peter didn't even know how to react. It made him sick and boil up with jealousy that these words weren't for him

But because he loved you, he sucked it up and kept his anger for himself, wondering why you never talked about your relationship with the hero.

A little after Peter turned 15 your fates intertwined like it was meant to be. He got bitten the same way you did.

When he woke up from his 15h nap, you were there with a hot bowl of soup, speaking only in whispers.

The second you walked in the room and made eye contact with him you felt sudden sparks, almost impossible to explain.

"Hey" his rasped voice rang through his small room.

"You ok?" You took a seat on his bed.

"Yeah" he cleared his throat and sat up, the covers falling from his bare chest.

Your eyes quickly darted from his eyes to his chest and his chest to his eyes. You'd seen Peter shirtless millions of times but this was different. He was ripped like he'd been working out for days on end.

You felt your cheeks burn up and you cleared your throat realizing the spider bite truly had the same effect it had on you years ago.

"How's that spider bite treating you."

"Alright." He sighed and took your hand playing with your fingers for a few seconds "I feel terrible." He laughed to himself before finding himself stuck to your hand. He shook it a few times panicking when your hand didn't leave his.

"Oh my god." You laughed. "Happened to me with paper. Trust me, way worst." You shook your head. "Here." You placed a hand on top of his and looked him in the eyes. "I want you to relax Peter. Ok? Think of something you love, take a deep breath" You smiled and he nodded, Peter only having to look up to see the thing he loved the most.

A few seconds later and his hand slipped away from yours, both your hands suddenly feeling cold.

"Thanks."

You gave him a small smile suddenly feeling calm when you were around him. You felt like you could take anything as long as he was with you. You didn't know if it was you spider senses pushing together, or just the fact that you had the biggest crush on him.

"You'll learn to control it." You smiled taking his hand in yours. "Don't worry."

Your phone buzzed showing the name Peter hated so much. A bitter taste of jealousy filled Peter's mouth, making him determined to be better than any superhero ever was. He didn't know if it was the spider bite who made him this brave but he sure liked the feeling.

"Hi, babe." Your bubbly voice rang through Peter's ears like poison.

"Oh ok." You frowned. "Coming right away."

"I have to go, Tony needs me." You stood up and grabbed your bag from the floor. "I really wish I could stay." you gave him an apologetic smile and kissed his cheek before leaving.

Peter dropped on his bed and sighed in frustration, hating the thought of you loving someone else. He was sick to be just your friend, he really wanted more.

So one thing led to another and Peter left into the city, not waiting for you to help him, he wanted to get strong and show you he was more worthy than any hero.

-

"That was amazing!" You high fived Wiccan before jumping out of the plane.

"Tell me about it." He laughed.

Your phone buzzed the familiar number of your mother popping up.

"Heyo."

"Y/n... Where are you?" your cheery voice contrasted with the sadness of your mother's.

"Stark tower. Why? Is everything ok?" Your heart started to race.

"Can you come home, please. And ask for a ride, I don't want you alone." Your mother's tone didn't help the fear rise in you.

"Ok. But what happened Mom."

"Something's happened to Ben... And um... we can't find Peter." Her words were enough to send your mind into autopilot.

"On my way" You grabbed your bag and left, the tears in your eyes enough to make Happy drive you back with no questions asked.

You tried to dial Peter's number but you were face to face with his voicemail. Panic rose in you as you started out your window. The second you'd cross the bridge to Queens, you knew you had to find Peter.

"Happy stop here."

"But were miles away from-"

"Happy please." You cried out making Happy fall silent.

You placed your mask before jumping out of the car and swinging away, leaving your bag and phone with Happy.

You roamed the city for Parker, didn't even sense the gun watching you with every move.

After a good 30 minutes, you made a full stop at Peter's window, wishing with every bone in your body that he had come back.

The second you saw Peter the pressure immediately dropped.

You opened his window and hugged him for dear life, not baring to lose him.

"Don't do this to me ever again." You cried as you jumped in his arms. Peter's arms slowly came around your body.

"He's gone Y/n and it's all my fault." Peter cried into your shoulder some pressure finally releasing.

"Don't say that." You held on tighter to him.

"Yes! I should have stopped that guy when I had the chance!"

"Peter you didn't do anything. Please promise me you won't go after that man alone. And please wait for me to train you a little, bad things happens when you don't know how to use your powers. Peter with great power comes great responsibility." You pleaded.

"Where did you hear that." Peter looked at you his eyes getting glossy.

"Ben told me when he found out..."

"He knew about you!" Peter's eyes went wide.

"I wanted to tell you but he told me not to say anything. May didn't know either!"

"I-" Peter didn't say anything else and held you tight, sobs coming out of his mouth.

"Peter trust me this isn't your fault." You placed a hand through his hair trying to make him feel better.

"You don't get it Y/n. He-" Peter met your eyes, fear coming up to his brown ones. He suddenly pushed himself away from you realizing what he had to do to keep you safe.

"Peter?"

"We can't be friends anymore."

"What?" Your eyes widen.

"I said we can't be friends anymore. Forget I ever exist." He looked at you so deep in the eyes it almost scared you.

"Peter. What? What did I do?" Warm tears started falling down your eyes. "I've done nothing but to try and help you."

"Leave, please." Peter raised his hand towards the window, his voice cracking at the last word.

"Is it about Ben? You wished I was there to save him don't you?" That didn't even cross Peter's mind.

"No! It's not about Ben." Peter cried out his voice cracking even more. He loved you and didn't want to let you go but he didn't have a choice. He'd angered the man who killed Ben, and he was now looking for you. If Peter was far away from then they would probably leave you alone.

"Then what is it, Peter!" You slightly raised your voice regretting it in an instant. "I'm sorry." You wiped a few tears away from your eyes and left in a hurry, leaving both of you heartbroken.

You made a full stop in a small alley.

"Im so stupid!" You kicked a rock, guilt already building up in your stomach. You pealed your mask off and threw it on the floor already feeling sick.

"Don't say that sweetie." A deep voice rang from behind.

You turned around a fell face to face with a strong man.

Before you had time to react you were knocked down by a second guy who was right behind you. Your unconscious body fell right Into their bag.

Happy fumbled through the back seat to find your ringing phone.

"I knew she should have kept it" he grumbled before taking it and answering it.

"Hello Y/n where are you!?" A woman's voice came out of the machine.

"Mrs. L/n? This is Happy, Y/n left the car a while ago she forgot her phone. Is everything alright."

"Happy? Oh hi. Um yes... Actually no. Y/n hasn't come home yet how long ago did you drop her off?"

"I'd say about an hour ago." Happy sighed.

"Oh god." Happy could hear her tears through the phone. Like the shock of losing a dear friend wasn't enough, her own daughter hadn't come home.

"You want me to search for her?"

"No um, I'll make a few calls and I'll come back to you if I need anything. But thank you."

Happy sighed and placed the phone back in your bag.

When May received the call she first went to Peter. The situation already being very difficult, she feared Peter's reaction.

"Peter, have you seen Y/n today?"

"No" Peter's tone felt cold and monotonous much to May's dislike.

"Have you talked to her today?"

"No" he sniffed his tone still being hard to take in.

"Alright." May backed away.

A day hours later and still no sign of you. Tony Stark had gotten involved this time, and made a team up to try and find you.

So when Peter heard May on the phone with your mother, his heart raced and his palms felt sweaty.

His mind twisted before thinking the worst. He had succeeded. He had taken you, hostage. like he promised Peter he would.

When Ben died, he chased the culprit not thinking of the consequences. So when his phone ringed with a picture of you, the man promised he would hunt you down and hurt you.

"Shit." Peter punched his wall in anger, pain filling his body. He lost Ben, he couldn't lose you too.

Peter fumbled through his closet and grabbed a hoodie and the web-shooters you gave him before running out his window.

Peter roamed the streets of NY before finding a white wagon that looked just like the one he saw the night before.

Peter could hear the men's faint whispers. Their words sent Peter's blood to turn cold.

"You have the girl."

"Yeah, and the gun."

Peter gulped before getting himself ready to jump and punched the hell out of them.

He was about to shoot a web when an arm grabbed his shoulder.

"Whoever you are. Don.'t" A deep teenage voice made Peter turn around.

A handsome face greeted him. Peter felt jealousy and anger rise as he recognized Wiccan.

"You're Peter aren't you?" Wiccan's face lights up with a smile.

"Maybe," Peter grumbled not happy at all to see Wiccan knew who he was.

"Well, Peter. I must say you are quite Handsom Y/n is right." Wiccan laughed to himself, making Peter knit his eyebrows.

"Anyway, you can't take these guys by yourself you know? You just got these powers, you need to get use to them. I'll help you." He gave Peter a bright smile, making Peter want to throw up.

"Im ok, thanks." Peter bitterly replied and shot a web right at the guys.

"Great, he's stubborn too." Wiccan followed him towards the van.

The boys started fighting, Peter not knowing what to do half of the time.

Before he knew it Peter was sent flying and hit his head on the floor falling unconscious.

"C'mon!" Wiccan grumbled before punching a guy right in the face and running towards Peter.

He grabbed Peter and left for the Avenger compound.

Peter woke up with a blinding light. He rubbed his eyes a headache kicking in.

"Where am I?" Peter sat up and rubbed his eyes more.

"Stark tower." Wiccan's voice echoed through the room.

Peter's stomach did a twist. So much for trying to be better than him. He started to feel sick, he humiliated himself in front of your boyfriend.

"Agh" Peter rubbed his forehead trying to calm himself down.

"You took a big hit. I really hoped that pretty face of yours wasn't too damaged, Y/n would have killed me." He laughed to himself again while placing his headband back on.

Peter stayed focused on his aching head, ignoring Wiccan's comment. He was hating him more and more every one of his words felt like pure mockery.

"The rest of the Avengers are trying to find her. You can come with me when you feel better."

"Yeah, yeah" Peter grumbled hating the smile he was giving him.

"What?"

"Nothing" Peter definitely wasn't in the mood to talk.

"God, Y/n told me you were much much nicer than this." He laughed trying to ease the tension.

"Well, apparently I'm not." Peter snapped before realizing he shouldn't bring his pain on him. "I just made a stupid mistake, and now she's paying the price for it. We both are." Peter sat up.

"What do you mean?" Wiccan folded his arms getting more Interested in what Peter had to say, not even caring about Peter's mood swings.

"The guy who took her. He killed my uncle. I went after him that day and he caught me. He told me he would hurt her if I continued hunting him."

"And you did." Wiccan finished already knowing the story. "Let me guess, you pushed her away thinking she would be safe?" Wiccan chuckled. "Ah, stupid straight boys" Wiccan said mainly to himself before leaving the room.

Peter shot his head towards him and knitted his eyebrows once again not understating what he meant.

Meanwhile, you woke up, tied up on a chair in the back of a van.

"Morning sleepy head." A tall man jumped in the van and walked towards you a gun in hand.

"Your friends were here, the brown-haired one was there too." He smirked. "He's falling right into our trap. Bet they'll be back"

He caressed your cheek with his gun.

"Can't wait to torture you in front of him." He laughed and you just stayed quiet. "You know our boss is furious he came after us. We told him we'd hurt you if he continued, but I guess the little boy wanted revenge for his uncle, how cute." He pouted and made a baby voice.

Your eyes widen as you connected the dots. Peter pushed you a way to get revenge on Ben, it had to be the answer to his sudden mood change.

The front door opened and a new man entered putting himself behind the wheel.

"Brother?"

"Yeah?"

"Where too?"

"The base." The first man looked at you and played with his gun.

"Which base?" The one behind the wheel replied.

"The one in Tokyo." He sassed.

"Alright then, Tokyo it is!" The other one happily said before starting the car.

"No, you idiot! The one we just came back from!"

"Oh Yeah! Sorry, that makes more sense." The man stupidly laughed and turned the wheel.

You looked between the driver seat and the man holding the gun, confused by their stupidity and already thinking a way to use it as your advantage.

"What?" The first man spat when he saw you stare at him.

"Nothing, just-" you thought for a second. "I've been captured by your boss before, and um" you looked at the road. "this is not the way there." You shook your head.

"What?"

"No this is clearly going to bring us right in front of the Avenger tower." You nodded. It didn't take the men much to believe you.

"Did you hear that!?" The first man spat to his brother. "You're bringing us right Into these superheroes! That's why I'm mom's favorite!"

"Hey! That's not true!"

"Yeah, it is! She even said so!"

"Oh, and you know what she said to me?" The one behind the wheel angrily replied while slightly turning around to face his brother, losing eyes on the road and causing the van to turn.

"Boys! Eyes on the road!" You screamed, the chair you were tied to slid to the other side of the van and hit a wall making your side crash into it.

Cars were honking making the driver come back to his seat and grumbling words that you wouldn't be able to hear without your spider powers.

"Sorry." He grabbed your chair and placed you back.

"So tell us where to go." He looked at you hope in his eyes.

You eyed the road and thought for a second. You remembered your favorite barbie movie, where the mermaid prince was held, hostage. You clearly didn't know if it was going to work, but what did you have to lose.

"Left."

"Go left!" He screamed at his brother.

"GOING LEFT!"

A few seconds passed and he was back at an intersection.

"Now?"

You looked at the road again.

"Left"

"Go Left!" He repeated you like a parrot.

"GOING LEFT!"

The car turned, making your chair slightly move.

"Thank you, means a lot to us. You see it's our first week." The man kindly smiled, and a small amount of pity filled your stomach.

"Now?" The brother behind the wheel screamed.

"Now?"

"Left."

"LEFT!"

"GOING LEFT." You bit your lip to stop laughing way to happy this worked.

While you gained yourself some time the Avengers were roaming the streets for the white van Wiccan had talked about.

"Guys!" Bucky screamed to the group eyeing a white van who was turning around the same block.

Cap observed the van from the rooftop a few seconds while Sam scanned the registration slate.

"Matching" he nodded over the intercom.

"Why is it turning around?" Bucky asked laughing at the stupidity of the situation. "They're gonna get caught by the police." He laughed while joining the team.

You smiled when you heard the loud thump of captain American and saw falcon arriving straight at you.

The man didn't even have time to blame you that the car almost flipped around trying to escape them.

But lucky for you iron man came swooping in and shattered the door, grabbing you in the action.

Cap took care of the van while Tony dropped you a few blocks away.

You fixed your clothes once on the floor and was surprised when Tony hugged you.

"You scared us, kid." You thought he was about to cry and you were just happy you managed to pull that trick on them.

"Why were they going around in circles?" Bucky arrived and looked at you for answers.

"Oh, let's just say they were dumb enough to think I knew where their base was."

The whole team burst out laughing, and two boys arrived in front of you.

"Oh thank god they found you." Wiccan jumped into your arms making Peter look away and leaving him feeling more hurt than anything.

"Peter?" You titled your head seeing a sad Peter standing behind Wiccan.

"Hey" he waved his hand and gave you a sheepish smile.

"I'll let you two figure some things out." Wiccan laughed to ease the tension and left towards Tony.

"Hey."

"Hey." Peter swung his arms on each side of his body.

"im sorry." He sighed and looked at his feet. "It was wrong for me to push you away like that. I just-"

"You wanted to protect me." You sighed. "And look pushing me away isn't going to do anything. Sticking together will." You smiled and walked closer to him.

"Im sorry." Peter looked at you and you rested your hand on his shoulder.

"It's ok." You smiled.

"I'll go back home." He played with a rock on the floor. "I'll let you stay with your boyfriend." He nodded towards Wiccan who was talking to Tony.

"Boyfriend?" Your eyes went wide and you started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Peter asked more than confused.

"He's not my boyfriend." You tried to calm down your laughter. "He's gay!"

Peter's face fell which made you laugh even more.

"But- Why did you call him 'babe' and say 'I love you' over the phone?"

"Peter, I say babe to my girls all the time. And 'I love you' because he's my best friend!" You looked at him your tone getting a little more serious.

"Really?" Peter's face lights up like a Christmas tree.

"So he isn't your boyfriend?" He continued, loving the turn this conversation took.

"No!" You chuckled.

"Then no one is there to stop me from doing this." Peter took your hand before smashing his lips to yours, the kiss being like an explosion of fireworks.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker #Peter Parker x you #Peter Parker x y/n #barbie #spider man x reader #spiderman #spider #spider man x y/n #tom holland #tom holland x reader #TOM #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader fluff #x reader #reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x y/n #y/n #peter parker x y/n #nalu #barbie mermaid tale #mermaid #left #fanfiction #fan fiction #fan fic

[voyager2-remade]

remembered at one point writing "am i always going to b like this" when i was like really depressed in highschool and high five me of now for making it through to. actively being able to change and move away from the situational/environment that i literally couldnt change bc it Was Situational. growth really is the narrative thread that has been consistent. and i mean if we're on the subject of consistency, i think that's like the most beautiful form of change. like. you have an active change of like a literal shift into your new experience ex. me moving away, but in this new stability, in this consistency, there's so much change to witness from being Here. im consistently doing ok. and in that there's new life and love to see. since change is literally always happening, seeing what comes from it is just. and that's that feeling i've been trying to pinpoint on why i love music so much because its. a the same 7 notes in a scale and still there's something new every time you listen or play a new song. every time you listen to an old song you can hear new things both from the people playing them and the music composed itself. fuck man. i slightly have lost where i was going with this but anyway. being able to actually see how drastically different yet the same i am since i was in highschool to now hit me intensely. everything ive worked for despite it being continuously hard, everything i’ve done w purpose and love has made me feel like the kind of music that breathes deeply. it’s hit my heart w something really hopeful and i hope i can extend this feeling or like yall sync w me on this bc it’s just . really difficult to put into words but like. environment and people are so inextricably tied together and finding a space that you can make yours and build as home can be so grounding and really makes you realize even if life goes horribly wrong theres and if i did lose this physical space, being here has changed me so much that I’ll always have this feeling of home in me. making a place of love and care from living and existing in an environment just changes you and i think thats so sick.

#clove.txt #ay cariño this is a long one #just living and existing in environments fucks #its un poquito weird that the places we inhabit are like bg to the self instead of being considered reflective of aspects of yourself. #like home is its own and youre just w it #and i dont mean to push it into a black in white thought process like living w my family was more like a baseline personally #it wss good and bad but having made this home really has been really important in #understanding things a lot differently. like everythings not just abt survival lmao. like its been good and bad here too but like #completely new experiences has gotten me out of the not great negative feedback loop i had when living w my family #es unos de esos sentimientos que no se pueden explicar en palabras

[onewfantaesy]

:D im back~ xD so how does Taemins first comeback with shinee go? Are his hyungs very protective of him at variaty shows/interviews? Like they will stop the mc from asking taemin too personal questions about what happened to him? Will they actually leave the variaty show/interview if the mc doesnt stop. How does taemin hold up with everything?

Upside Down: The Comeback

(tw abuse, kidnapping)

The comeback itself is easy, so to say. Taemin loves every second of it. He becomes fully absorbed in the recording process, the choreography, the songs, the outfits, the vocal practices. It’s all rigid structure and schedules, and Taemin craves that more than anything lately. Complete and utter control, because he has his weekly schedule printed up and he can memorize every hour, minute, second of what he has to do next.

He may become a bit too set to the schedule, as the others gently point out. It’s okay if choreography practice goes a little later than planned, if recording finishes faster than anticipated. When Taemin starts getting nervous as the minute hand passes the hour and it goes against the set schedule, they remind him that everything is alright. They’re there, he’s okay, everything is okay.

It’s only a couple months after he’s been adopted. Just a measly two-and-a-half months since everything happened, but he managed to convince everyone, mainly his therapist and Sooman, that he was completely alright and completely okay to go back to normal SHINee activities. He wanted it. He needed it.

He spends hours upon hours in the practice room, staying well after the building has closed, staying even though his phone is silently ringing and Sooman is worried sick because a manager called and said Taemin wasn’t at the dorm. He’s found on several occasions by Sooman himself, breathing heavily as he’s slumped in the floor, staring in the mirror, his legs shaking from dancing for too long.

“I just need to make it perfect,” he says, his voice scratchy from singing and screaming until his throat went raw.

“You need to get some sleep,” Sooman tells him. “You can come home, if you don’t want to be at the dorm.”

Taemin just shakes his head and keeps staring at his reflection in the mirror. Sometimes he thinks he doesn’t look real.

“I’m telling you as your father that you need to go home and get some sleep.”

He turns his head then, turning from the mirror to look at the hand resting on his left shoulder. He’s still trying to catch his breath, still exhausted from going through the new choreography for the millionth time that day.

But he mumbles an, “Okay,” and he pushes himself up to wobble towards the door, Sooman’s hand still comfortingly heavy on his shoulder.

The new song is called Lucifer and he has extensions in his hair and sometimes, he really doesn’t recognize himself as he stares in the mirror of the practice room. He likes it better that way. Part of him wants to pretend the old Taemin never existed in the first place.

He’s told that isn’t a healthy mindset when he lets that little thought slip. His therapist helps him come up with a better way of thinking about it.

He’s grown from this experience, she tells him. He’s learned from what happened to him, and he’s going to heal from the trauma instead.

Taemin thinks that’s all just words. They’re nice words, and he knows she means well, so he doesn’t challenge her on it. He’ll wait until after the comeback. He doesn’t want anyone saying he can’t perform yet.

Throughout the comeback, not a single person brings up Taemin’s past year. It freaks him out a little, makes him feel like he’s going crazy, because holy shit did it even happen at all? Did he dream it all?

He’s tugging at the hair extensions and screaming at his reflection in the mirror when Jinki finds him, when Jinki untangles his fingers from his hair and hugs him close and asks him what’s going on.

“Am I crazy?” he asks. “Was none of it real? Did it even really happen? Jesus Christ, have I gone completely insane?”

“What are you talking about?” Jinki asks softly, lowering them both to sit on the ground. “Talk slower, tell me what’s wrong.”

Taemin is staring at Jinki, his eyes darting across Jinki’s face, his breathing ragged and uneven and desperate.

“No one has asked me anything about it,” he says in strangled-sounding words. “No one. Did it even happen?”

“Of course it happened, Taemin-”

“I fucking pulled a knife on three other dudes, and no one even so much as mentions it?” he asks, starting to become a bit hysterical. “The comeback cycle is almost over! What the fuck Jinki? What the fuck?”

“Taemin - Taemin, holy fuck, can you breathe normal for a second? - it’s on a blacklist, Taemin.”

Taemin stops breathing for a few seconds, his entire face going blank.

“A what?”

“A blacklist,” Jinki explains. “A list of stuff people aren’t allowed to talk about to us. A list of things the company doesn’t want anyone bringing up to us.”

“Since when do we have a blacklist?” They’re both quiet until Taemin deflated and says, “Oh. Since me.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Jinki says, and he knows it sounds lame.

He’s quiet again, looking away and staring at the floor.

“It’s better, isn’t it?” Taemin mumbles. “Pretending it just never happened?”

“No, that’s not-”

“I think it’s better.”

Jinki sighs, and his hands move from Taemin’s shoulders to grab Taemin’s hands instead.

“If it helps you get through the comeback, then fine,” Jinki says softly. “But when you’re ready, if you ever want to, any of us are willing to listen. If you want to talk about what happened to you.”

“I want to pretend it didn’t happen.”

“You can’t do that, Taemin.”

“Why not?” Taemin argues, turning to frown at Jinki. “It happened to me. I should be allowed to pretend it didn’t, to not think about it.”

“I’m not saying it should be something you think about all day every day,” Jinki says. “But if you act like it never happened, you’ll never move on from it.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to,” Taemin says in a haughty tone, shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe I just want to be angry at everyone about it forever. Until I die.”

“Do you really?” Jinki asks. “Do you really want to be angry? For the rest of your life?”

Taemin doesn’t respond for a while. And it’s quiet, for a long time. They can hear the others coming down the hall, can hear Kibum and Minho bickering as always. Taemin’s curious about what it is this time.

“It’s easier,” Taemin whispers, still not looking at Jinki. “To be angry.”

“I know,” Jinki says gently. “And when you’re ready to stop being angry, we’ll all be here to help you. All you have to do is ask. But Taemin, kid, being angry forever will only hurt you more than it hurts anyone else.”

Taemin nods, and he starts pulling away, because he can hear the others are almost to the room to start practicing.

“I’m not ready yet,” he admits. “To stop being angry.”

“And that’s okay,” Jinki says quickly. “Just know you don’t need to stay angry for the rest of your life.”

He nods again, and when the others burst in and Kibum starts asking Taemin to help him back up his argument against Minho, Taemin laughs and moves over to them and does his absolute best to wiggle his way into the middle of their bickering.

Somehow, the other members always know exactly what he needs, even if they have no idea what’s going on with him. Taemin wil lnever stop being amazed by their ability to do that.

#taemin #shinee #onew #key #minho #upside down au

[swampgallows]

i was writin it in the tags before i maxed em out but it had me thinking about how much more shit i did in college because i actually had access to shit. for one, there was a viable public transit system there. there was a bus stop literally outside my dorm, and i used to take the bus all kinds of places and just walk around the city and shit. i did tons of things i previously would not have accessible to me because i didnt drive. back when disney passes were cheap as fuck i had days where id swing by disneyland after class just to hop on a ride or two and then go home. i went to parks, beaches, the aquarium, the movies, clubs, raves, morris dancing, restaurants, the mall, and all kinds of shit on my own because i could actually physically fucking get there. the only real challenge a lot of the time was if i bought anything to get it home (i remember walking half a mile with a full length mirror back to my dorm because i kept missing the bus). but the point is that i DID SHIT. i wasnt constantly being micromanaged by people in my environment about what food i bought or what i ate, where i went and when, etc. and i had the resources to actually go fucking do things.

it all came crashing down, i think, when i got into that series of bad relationships. i dont think i was aware of it at the time, but that was about the time that things were ramping up toward something great and then i was betrayed by people close to me and continuously shot down. i didnt know how to process those toxic relationships, and part of me still doesn’t. almost ten years later im still trying to recover from the damage of them. yes, it was the same time that i was having heightened anxiety and the worst period of panic attacks in my life, which were and are awful and shitty, but i also had very understanding and supportive friends who were there for me during that time. it would be no different than if i got very sick and had friends who took care of me. i was having a human experience and because i had a good support network, i was able to cope.

so like. of course i got depressed when my boyfriend would hate-fuck me and embarrass me on purpose in public or in front of his friends. of course i felt too scared and sad to go to class when i was constantly being told my art wasn’t good enough and was a waste of time and “useless to society”. of course i hid in my room playing video games with rude assholes because at least they couldnt touch me. of course i didnt want to open up to people when they told me it was “fascinating the way your mind mistreats you”. 

of course i got suicidal when i got zero weekend days off for three straight years. not even easter sunday, even though greek easter usually falls on a completely separate sunday. of course i didnt want to live anymore when i couldnt see or be with my friends or express myself naturally. of course i would be depressed about waking up at 7am every day to stand in a cold room alone for 8 hours and not even be paid enough to live.

friends and family and past teachers on facebook can encourage me to go on medication, but for what? will a SSRI pay me a living wage? is celexa going to make men treat me better? will prozac install a public transit system in my area, or help me move to a place where a better one already exists? xanax didnt sit in the car with me to teach me to drive and offer support, but it did help me recuperate from the dozens of screaming crying fits and panic attacks i had while orchestrating my own exposure therapy. it took years for me to get acclimated to just sitting in the driver’s seat of my car while it was off without having a complete meltdown and slamming it full speed into the garage to kill myself. because i am still so mad that i learned so late, that nobody gave a shit about me enough to teach me, that i had to shell out hundreds if not thousands of dollars on lessons with complete strangers to learn this skill that has become mandatory for survival in the place i live. i had to use money to replace the love and support normally given by family or my community.

i am trying to condition myself to see my car as an emblem of freedom, but it feels like a cage. it costs so much money, it is so scary and exhausting to operate it, and everything in this world and society is forcing me to use it. and honestly it feels like, because i have it, i have run out of “excuses” for not being employed. that if i have a car, i should be able to go to any job whatsoever and sit in my car in traffic for four hours a day like every other average person in l.a. even at the trader joes i interviewed at THREE TIMES before they eventually didnt bring me on, i would have to drive anywhere from 30-45 minutes to work every fucking day just to work at a fucking grocery store. i know people see those numbers and go ‘psh that’s nothing! my commute is so much longer!’ and that just feels like hustle propaganda. like why are you proud that you have to sit in your car in fucking traffic every day to do a job that you probably could (and now probably do) work at from home?

the shitty case worker i had, tonya, could not offer a suggestion to me when i brougth this up to her. how is medication going to make me more employable? how am i not supposed to blow my brains out when my life is going to be sitting in a car that i struggle to operate to go to a job that doesnt pay me enough to live and then doing that forever until i die? why dont i skip all that and just die right now? why live through that? all she could say was “well, that’s just how it is.” 

The much more obvious answer is that mental disorders, while influenced by genetic factors, are largely caused by trauma and context, and that oppressed groups of people experience way more trauma under capitalism, and are way less able to navigate the context of American society because it was built without them in mind, and in many cases to intentionally harm them.

this is why im going to be mentally ill forever, man. because i can’t fucking adapt to a society that doesn’t care about me. why would i do that? is it not inherently harmful and mentally ill to perpetuate an unhealthy environment? why belong to a society if we don’t care about the people in it? who is society for? if these circumstances were due to a partner, they’d tell me to leave them. if these circumstances were due to my living situation with my family or roommates, they’d tell me to move out. so must i leave society? do i have to live off the grid? do i have to hunt game and skin animals for fur and build my own shelter? even if i wanted to, like many natural peoples, capitalism is taking those things away too. look at first nations and indigenous people. look at the multitudes of the people experiencing homelessness and mental illness simultaneously. 

it is all so obvious when you’re on the outside. no one expects, or wants, people like me to survive. the whole point is that we do not belong to society. the whole point is that capitalism wants me dead. my suicidality means capitalism is working as intended.

#blathering

[thtdamfangirl4]

thanks @pretend-im-normal for this set of questions!

i shall start with a christmas ask game (yes i know it’s january 28th) created by none other than archie’s husband

1. Their favorite Christmas tradition

I think for Archie it has to be baking christmas cookies. He loves doing it even if it’s just him, but especially doing it with the people he loves. He takes the decorating process way too seriously (this may or may not be inspired by my real life) and all the bois pitch in and reginald’s are always disturbing but annoyingly delicious and dorian’s are always a little goth and octavius’s are fabulous and archie keeps telling him that louboutins are not a christmas item but octavius insists that since he asked for them for christmas they should count, and archie loves him so he lets it slide. Eustace very carefully decorates and does his best and every time you eat one you can tell it’s full of love. Jasper wants everything to be as colorful as possible and he covers them in sprinkles. And nathaniel, lovely nathaniel, can’t decorate for shit but he just has fun with it and laughs the whole time and that makes archie’s chest feel tight for reasons he can’t explain until later. And then Archie and Nate finally start dating and during their first Christmas, aside from the bois cookie night, they do one of their own and Archie shows Nate how to decorate the way he does and Nate can’t quite get there but he’s following each direction with fervor and they look pretty good and he’s so proud of himself and Archie sneaks mistletoe into the kitchen and kisses him and now they do it every year, and every year Nate gets a little better. And eventually they have kids and they join the tradition (even the annual cookie decorating night with the bois), and Cam is fantastic at cookie decorating and Ben eats the dough and Archie swats him teasingly with a wooden spoon every time and Evie mixes icing colors cause she’s great at art and Nate washes dishes and makes a valiant effort and they dance around the kitchen and sing christmas music playing from Archie’s phone and he smiles the whole time and every year, he pulls out the mistletoe and kisses his husband and the kids go from thinking it’s cute to thinking it’s gross and embarrassing and all the way back to thinking it’s adorable when they’re old enough and one year Evie snaps a picture of it and it’s on the Christmas card the next year. Christmas is his favorite time of the year, and cookie days just feel like this magic untouchable place where he’s with his family and doing what he loves and to him, it is Christmas personified.

2. Their favorite Christmas song

It’s very hard to narrow down, so I’ll give a top three: All I Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey, Last Christmas by Wham!, and Mary Did You Know by Pentatonix.

3. Their least favorite Christmas song

This will not come as a shock, because well... I’m Archie. It’s Michael Buble’s version of Santa Baby. He loves most of Michael’s Christmas music, but in his words, Michael Buble “needs to man up and be willing to fuck Santa or don’t bother singing the song.” He just made it weird by having it be Santa Buddy and Santa Pally. And Archie loves this song. He tweets Michael Buble about it every Christmas, begging him to erase it from existence.

4. Their general feelings about Christmas

Archie goes feral for Christmas. He loves everything about it. Fun, family, love, festivity, good music, good food, an excuse to bake 24/7, baby Jesus, buying presents, getting presents. Archie prides himself on being the Christmas Bitch. He’s especially fantastic at gift-giving.

5. Their favorite Christmas treat

Octavius’s homemade pizelles dipped in spiked hot chocolate.

6. The best gift they ever received

When Evie is like 20, she gives him a scrapbook for Christmas. It’s filled with pictures of Archie, Nathaniel, the kids, and the other bois over the years. Every page has Taylor Swift lyrics that relate to the images and stories, as well as messages she’s written and cute captions. In addition to pictures, there’s little mementos like ticket stubs or receipts or notes she’s collected from her dad and her aunts and uncles and scattered throughout the book are cutout lines from a printed out version of the poem he wrote for his and Nathaniel’s anniversary. Archie cries for like 3 hours.

7. The worst gift they ever received

One year, Jessica gets him in the PTA secret santa, and she gets him a few workout shirts and an expensive bottle of red wine. He’s so offended. To an outsider, this may seem like a nice gift, but it’s very clear that she got him the shirt because she disapproves of his crop tops. And she knows full well that he doesn’t really like red wine. He’s a white wine bitch. She knows. It’s been discussed.

8. The best gift they ever gave

He likes to joke that the best gift he’s ever given is the supplementary bundle of “free sex” coupons he gave to Nathaniel their first Christmas together (he also got him a fluffy bathrobe, a playlist of songs that remind him of nate, an anthology of queer writing and letters from historical figures, and a trip to color me mine, don’t worry). But the real best gift he ever gave was years later, when they’ve been married for 5 years. He surprises Nathaniel with a trip to New York, where he’s also gotten them tickets to a revival of Hamilton, they go on a tour of diner breakfasts, and then have a shopping and spa day. And then he has them get dressed up but Nathaniel doesn’t know why and after they go to a fancy dinner, he takes Nathaniel to the Woolworth building on Broadway (where the ball scene from Enchanted takes place), and the whole place has been rented out there’s the actual singer from the movie and they slow dance in the romantic lighting to So Close (their wedding song) and it’s endlessly romantic and both of them are crying a lot little.

9. The worst gift they ever gave

No. Archie has never given a bad gift in his life.

10. How they decorate their house

dude. DECK THE FUCKING HALLS. There are two trees. One is picture perfect and looks straight out of a hallmark movie, and the other one is covered in popcorn strings and tacky ornaments from movies and shows and homemade ones by the kids and Ben always puts too much tinsel on it and Cam eats the candy canes so it’s a little wonky and that one is not-so-secretly Archie’s favorite. Beautiful wreaths on the doors and windows outside. Beautiful real-looking garland and berries and red ribbon and little bells decorate the banisters and staircases. There are lights everywhere. Christmas paintings. Outside is decked the fuck out in lights of all colors, he loves the icicles, no blow ups, but he does get a moving reindeer made of lights, and it’s a whole winter wonderland. Lots of seasonal scented candles. White lights on the mantle. Always a fire burning in the fireplace. A beautiful handmade and well-lit nativity scene. Cinnamon scented pinecones everywhere. Santa, reindeer, and snowman figures are in a lot of places. He puts mistletoe above every doorway, molding, entryway, high cabinet, or anywhere he can hang it because the man loves love and he wants as many excuses as he can get to kiss his husband.

11. Their favorite Christmas memory

On Evie’s first Christmas, she gets all fussy and cries a lot while they’re at Octavius and Dorian’s for Christmas Eve and so they go home early and they put her to bed but it’s only like 8pm. So they have their own end to the night and it’s just them in their pajamas, watching The Holiday and Love Actually while drinking tea and they just cuddle up under a blanket. Archie gives Nate forehead kisses and they fall asleep curled up on the couch halfway through The Year Without a Santa Claus. And he wakes up and Nate isn’t there anymore and he finds him holding Evie in her rocking chair humming Christmas songs to her and he just watches from the doorway until Nate finally looks up and smiles at him. And then they get everything ready cause everyone they know is coming to their house for Christmas and Evie wears an adorable Christmas onesie and they all open presents but. Those like 12 hours. Cuddling with Nathaniel and watching christmas romcoms and waking up to see his husband rocking their beautiful baby daughter to christmas songs. Yeah. That one’s his favorite.

12. Their least favorite Christmas memory

When he was like 12 (back in the regency days) he got sick on Christmas and couldn’t go to any of the events or parties and he hated it. But other than that,,, there’s a reason Christmas is his favorite time of year. It’s magic for him.

13. if/Where they travel for the holidays

Nah. He always stays home. He’s the Christmas Hostess With The Mostest. Always home for Christmas. He, Nathaniel, and the kids do go to Disney World for the week before/including New Year’s one year though.

14. Who they spend the holidays with

Obviously: Nathaniel, Octavius, Dorian, Reginald, Jasper, Eustace, Tyler, (and eventually) Evie, Ben, and Cam, and Eustace and Tyler’s kids. Gigi, Chloe, Jackie, and Liza, switch off every year whether they’re with family or the bois. Lynn and Suzanne always come to Christmas Eve and stop by on Christmas day before going to see their families. Every once in a while, Reginald brings a Doug who had nowhere else to go.

15. All of their Christmas traditions (not just their favorite XD)

jesus. well some have been listed. Cookies, decorating, hanging mistletoe fucking everywhere. he starts listening to Christmas music on November 1st. Snowball fight with the whole crew. Snowman contest with the whole crew. Getting drunk and watching Hallmark/Netflix Christmas movies. Making cinnamon rolls for christmas morning. wearing an entire christmas wardrobe in the month of december. Christmas treats at the bakery. Looking hot at Nathaniel’s work Christmas party. Wrapping presents for weeks after the kids go to bed. Making the world’s best hot cocoa. Bugging Octavius for his pizelle recipe (he won’t give it up). tweeting one direction and begging them to reunite for a Christmas album. Rewatching all the holiday seasons of the Great British Bake Off. Making roast for Christmas dinner. Making mulled wine at some point. Game day with the crew the day after Christmas. Writing Nate a poem every Christmas they’re usually really bad . eating one candy cane per season out of obligation and then going back to his hatred of mint. buying a million seasonal items at Bath and Body Works. watching It’s a Wonderful Life with Nathaniel on Christmas Eve Eve. Dressing his kids in christmas pajamas. That’s all I can think of for now.

okay i’m finally done this took me almost two hours oh my god. happy frat boi-ing.

#regency frat bois #rfb #archibald q pemberton #we stan one (1) crop top queen #archie #nathaniel qolicott #natchie #natchie and their kids #the bois #octavius sinclair #dorian fitzgerald #reginald worthington #eustace marfleet #jasper sculthorpe #christmas

[pedantichoe]

Rhythm of War spoilers under the cut

...

Perfect I’m glad that actually worked :)

1. WHAT THE NUTS?!2?:??:?:? I’VE LOST MY GOSHDANG MARBLES NOT TO MENTION SEVERAL PIECES OF MY SOUL AND ALL MY SANITY (clearly since I already said marbles r gone) HEAD IS EMPTY FELLAS

I’m honesty just still at a loss for words. The implications every major investiture-related reveal has are enormous. The light. The harmonies. The spren experiments??? Ishar what the eff word are you doing dude!??!???

I was under the delusion that there was going to be a mega battle between Moash and Kaladin at the end of the book that was gonna be Uber painful but then have that allow Kaladin to swear the fourth ideal (in my head it was smth like Dalinar v Odium in Oathbringer but I am aware that would be way too clean a parallel and branderson just doesn’t work like that). INSTEAD we got an altercation that caused me to BAWL MY EYES OUT FOR FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES

Some lead-up. Somewhere around the time Moash got the spren-killing dagger I could just feel an awful build-up of tension and anxiety. I may not be able to hear the rhythms of Roshar but let me tell you if I could..... I would be attuned to terrors m8. So anyways I knew shit was gonna go DOWN but I didn’t know exactly what. Then Moash got the knife and my brain was just like “if he kills Sylphrena....” but I was just like HHHHH GOTTA KEEP READING

I’ll need to go downstairs and actually grab my book at some point to make sure I have the timeline right but there was a point where I had to set the book down and do some breathing exercises and walk around a little. And then Oho boy. When Teft walked in and saw Moash I just... I lost it a little. And then what actually happened????? My dogs woke me up at 5 AM and as I’m struggling out of some weird cosmere-related dream I remember whag Moash did and I’m just sitting there in the dark dogs whining to go out -crying- because how could he do that how could he how could he

And I know at the start of the book when Godeke or whatever edgedancer came to get Kal out of the manor fire was standing in the doorway and Moash had some kind of.... bit of his soul? Smth??? Show a version of who he /could/ be (wait that wasn’t Renarin was it cuz that would make sense...... hmmmmmmmm). That COULD mean he will have some opportunity at redemption which. If there is ANYBODY I trust to do it well and with feeling, it’s Brandon, but also a huge part of me does NOT. WANT. HIM. REDEEMED. I want him crushed and broken in every way with the full weight of what he did bearing down upon him but also hhhhhhh I’m sure we will get smth much cooler than anything I could think up ANYWAY

Why are the splits between paragraphs getting so big tumblr what is wrong with you

See this one is normal

Okay ANYWAYS

Kaladin. Bitch this man is a LOT. he’s just. I think the thing I appreciate most about these books is that the heroes aren’t perfect. They’re often damaged. Feel broken. And IN that they expand upon their ideals and ultimately make the first one just such an inspiring message. Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.

So Kaladin. He is just uhhhh amazing??? What I think truly encapsulates what I love about him is when it’s just he and Syl and the stonecast statue of Teft. The sadness is still there and I know it hurts him so much. But the guilt? The ability to grow in your losses and find yourself stronger and more human and more understanding because of it??? Ultimately THAT is where Moash and Odium are wrong. Kaladin and Dalinar have found and CONTINUE to find how to grow in their pain. How to not just deal with, but ACCEPT and OWN their pain and sorrow. They are finding the peace that Odium would have brought through numbness and loss. I don’t really know how to phrase this exactly how I would like. But I’m proud of this message. Im glad for this message.

When Wit helps Kaladin into that warm bubble and tells him he will be warm again, that just hit. The message in these books is about oaths and ideals and promises. It’s about growing into something so much more than you ever could have dreamed, and NOT by giving up your pain or your guilt or your loss or your anger to someone who would leave you a shell as a byproduct. When Teft died he died full of hope. He knew he was forgiven. He didn’t lose to Moash, to Odium, to the moss or to anyone or anything else. He lived and died with Honor. And in doing so proved that the power to change existed within him. It just needed support. Like a small flame. You can’t leave it open to the winds, or it will extinguish, but it DOES need air. It does need to be stoked to grow. Teft did it. So can you.

I went on both Instagram and Snapchat to try and talk about how deeply connected I feel to these books and the messages and characters in them. I wasn’t nearly as eloquent as I would have liked. But at the end of the day I am so grateful for how I’ve been able to grow and change and be shaped by my trials and experiences. I didn’t spend this year in as dark of a place as Kaladin, but I did feel trapped and stuck. I felt like a failure. I felt weak and angry and like there was no way to get to where I had been. Like I couldn’t remember the words.

And not just this book, but so many things in my life have helped me to see that I am valid and I am growing and I will stumble and make mistakes but through it all, the oaths that I have made, and the ideals that I keep are what make me me, and will continue to temper my soul and my spirit as I go along this journey.

I don’t need everyone to love these books as much as I do. Or feel as strongly about the messages or be as affected by the characters, the plot, and the INSANELY good writing. But I hope everyone has, finds, and clings to what makes them warm. What brings them light. We all make mistakes. We all will continue to mess up. We need to be corrected and shaped and we need to grow and change. But I for one am sick of hating people on principle. I’m sick of the feeling in my stomach like the world is falling to shit and that nothing I do or say will ultimately have any positive effect. I’m sick of living in a shade-darker world where I hate everything and feel like I should hate everything. I’m sick of being angry.

As a related side note. As we get to know more about the shards I hope someone makes a “which shard of Adonalsium are you!” Quiz because that would be very interesting. As is?? This year I have been Odium. I am passionate. But I am angry. I am so so angry. And I don’t -want- to be so angry anymore. I want to have hope. I want to follow light. I want to CHOOSE life and strength and journey and I want to sacrifice what I need to to get there. Kaladin’s fourth ideal is recognizing he can’t save everyone. I want to follow the ideal that those out there deserving of love and compassion outweigh my need to feel angry and unjust at those that destroy those things. I’ll work on phrasing as I go. I’m not quite ready to swear it, but the words are coming. I can feel them.

What Maya did was reveal that in the darkest of times for Radiants and their bonds, there was a choice that was made. And -no one,- spren, god, or otherwise, can take away the fact that it was THEIR choice. It is my choice whom I serve. It is my choice what I sacrifice and what I hold on to. And I will not let the voices of those telling me I have to hate everything and everyone take charge over me.

I hope everyone out there finds their ideals. And keeps to them. And knows that there is hope and light and life. That there is strength before weakness. And courage before cowardice. And a journey before their destination.

And that ultimately, the most important words a person can say are: “I will do better.” And the most important step they can take is the next one.

Life before death. Always. Life before death.

#the pedant rambles on and on about ideals for 95 years and no one is surprised #pedantics #rhythm of war #rhythm of war spoilers #the stormlight archive #stormlight archive #stormlight archive spoilers #stormlight spoilers #row spoilers #cosmere #cosmere spoilers #cfsbf #fuck moash #life before death

[peachyydesires]

I love this blog so much!! Can you do a Keiji x criminal reader? So basically the reader is a wanted criminal, but don’t do anything too drastic that’d hurt somebody but one day Keiji finds the reader and arrests them, but a few years later when their prison sentence is up Keiji actually confessed his feelings to them :0

Danger (Keiji x Reader)

pairing: police-officer! keiji x criminal reader (see anon request above)

word count: 4,770 

genre: fluff, slight angst

warnings: gun use/mention, suggested violence (no gore or murder however)

a/n: omg anon i am SO sorry that this took so long to finish!! with my vacation, breaks, and event i never got the chance to post this but it never left my mind. i did go... a bit overboard this time with the word count but i hope you enjoy this nonetheless and once again im so sorry for the wait!! im also trying out a new style so excuse how bad quality the header is eweweww

   “This is the worst idea in the world.” You sighed, drumming your fingers on your thigh anxiously as you looked out the window towards the grocery store you were about to rob. The gun in your belt felt like a 5-pound weight, even though it was merely a handgun. 

   “Pfft, don’t be such a wimp. Nobody’s gonna catch us; the police have been lacking lately anyways.” The leader of your little group, Lukas, scoffed, and you could see his eyes roll in the front view mirror as he shook his head. 

   The second one in the trio, Evelyn, turned around in the passenger’s seat to look at you with a goofy smirk on her face, “Come on, just live a little. You know what we say, right?” 

   You looked down at your lap, fidgeting with your hair as you mumbled, “Steal from the rich, give to the poor...Even though this is a measly grocery store.” 

   “You have to start somewhere.” Lukas shrugged and unbuckled himself from the driver’s seat, reaching down and pulling out three unique masks, each with their own coverage and designs. He distributed each of them, a frown tugging at your lips as you studied yours.

   Really? One of those cliche kitsune masks? I didn’t know these actually existed… You thought as you absentmindedly pulled the strap back and put the mask over your face. You knew it wouldn’t be able to do much if it fell off, but some security to your identity put a little peace in your mind.

   The only problem was that you were already a wanted criminal.

   While you weren’t exactly well-known thieves, your group had definitely sparked some attention in the community. After years of shoplifting from major stores around the city, your earnings from previous heists were beginning to pile up as your warrant only got heavier by the day.

   Luckily, you were the weaker, lesser-known chain of the group; you didn’t steal very many high-priced objects, and your warrant wasn’t as large as the other infamous, modern-day Bonnie and Clyde duo that made up the rest of the crew. 

   Yet you had never even attempted a robbery this intense before. All of your ‘heists’ were really just plain old shoplifting, and this would be the first time you’d be demanding to empty a cash register. 

   “Are we really sure we should move into armed robbery so fast?” You asked with an unsure expression on your face as your hand trailed down towards the pistol. 

   The pair groaned in sync, giving each other an annoyed look before Evelyn turned around with her mask on. It was rather creepy; her’s was just a simple, white mask with a wide, eerie smile printed onto it, one that seemed to stare deep into your soul as she slightly tilted her head at you, “Really? Of course, we’re sure! We’ve been planning this for months now, and we’ve been shoplifting for nearly 3 years. We have to step up our game eventually, or we’ll never be taken seriously!”

   You slightly squirmed in your seat, knowing the malice that was probably hiding behind Evelyn’s mask. You had never really wanted to get into the whole crime business anyway, but it was hard to reject their offer to join them at the time when you were nearly living on the streets.

   “We’re only wasting time by sitting here discussing,” Lukas cut in, impatiently turning around in his seat to look at the two of you. He had on a clown mask, one with a sinister grin that was permanently etched into the plastic of the mask, “We need to go now before the patrol officers go out.”

   Evelyn nodded in agreement, quickly unbuckling herself from her seat and taking her gun out from her purse. Lukas drew his own as well, and you followed behind as you unclipped the handgun from your belt loop. 

   Without a second thought, the pair had gotten out of the car and were already in the trunk grabbing the empty bags along with extra magazines just in case things got messy. They had never pulled anything off like this either, and the thought of using all of the bullets Lukas had brung brought a sick, gut-wrenching feeling to your head as you got out of the car as well.

   After handing you your bag, the three of you effortlessly crossed the parking lot and just as you neared the grocery store, a few civilians inside the building looked up and spotted the three of you. But they had no time to react as Lukas kicked the entrance door open and yelled, “This is a robbery! Put your hands above your heads and get flat on the ground, now!” 

   There were a few yells and shouts as a few people tried to scramble at first, running towards the other exit but Evelyn had made sure to go around the other way to block the doors from the civilians as she threateningly aimed her gun at whoever came close enough.

   Once everyone was down on the ground, you strode over towards the cashiers. With your gun held up, you yelled in a gruff voice, “Who’s the manager? I’m going to need all the cash in this place, and fast!” One good thing about you tagging along was your ability to mimic others so easily; you could be intimidating if you really wanted too, which usually came in handy every now and then.

   However, guilt began to claw at the back of your mind as the elderly manager stood up and motioned over to the nearest register. He didn’t look even remotely scared; he had more of a calm look as if this exact same situation had happened to him before. 

   You stayed silent as you followed him, taking a moment to grab the empty bag over your shoulder and open it as wide as you could. The man began taking large handfuls of money out of the machine, tossing them into the bag. His old, wrinkly hands were slightly shaking as you held the gun up to his head. 

   Evelyn soon joined you as she went to the next cashier, forcing the stationed worker to unlock the register and empty it into her own bag. You were beginning to get suspicious as the minutes seemed to drag by endlessly with no commotion. 

   It was all going too smoothly, which is when you knew  something was wrong.

   Lukas soon came running into the store, his gun carelessly spinning in his hand as he hissed, “Cops!” 

   Panic began to course through you as you quickly withdrew the gun from the manager’s head and pulled the strings on the bag until it was securely closed. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to hold both a ginormous money bag and a gun steady at the same time, but there was no time for questions as the rest of the group began running towards the back exit.

   However, you didn’t get very far as a deep, rough voice shouted, “Stop! Put your hands up and drop your guns.”

   You spun around quickly on your toes and aimed the gun without hesitation at the muscular blonde officer that was chasing the three of you, your finger already on the trigger as you prepared to shoot. Yet your mistake was very simple as you locked eyes with him, and you felt your heart stop immediately.

   He was just any other human being, but that was the problem. He looked afraid- he knew you could easily destroy his life with one pull of the trigger. You had never shot anyone or anything in your lifetime and hadn’t even dreamed of doing so. You couldn’t bring yourself to take away another human life; sure, you could steal without a moment’s hesitation, but murder? 

   It was out of the question. 

   The guilt rapidly overcame you as your dominant hand began to shake. The money bag seemed heavier as if the weight of the world was on your shoulders somehow. Your mouth formed silent, unspoken words as you couldn’t get your body to even move as you kept eye contact with the man. 

   He seemed stunned too, confusion beginning to ebb onto his face as he had no clue why you hadn’t shot him already. Lukas and Evelyn seemed just as confused as they stood behind you, their eyebrows furrowed in frustration as you held them up.

   “Just SHOOT him already!” Lukas yelled angrily, yet you just couldn’t respond. You were stuck in a sticky situation; you wanted to run, but your body refused to cooperate with your mind as you stared aimlessly at the officer. Lukas didn’t know whether or not to leave you, although Evelyn didn’t seem to hesitate with the decision.

   Your bag was quickly ripped from your hands as she snatched it from you and broke out into a sprint, urging Lukas to go along with her. While they usually lived by the saying ‘leave no man behind’ they couldn’t afford to get arrested now. 

   As the realization hit you that you were being ditched, your body shut down as you fell to your knees. Unsuspecting tears began to form in your eyes as you began to question why you were so ready to shoot another human being. The gun fell out of your hands as you let go of your grip on it, your blood turning ice-cold as your mouth was left agape.

   Your mask was soon ripped off of your face as the same blonde police officer came over, tilting your chin up so you would look at him again. Your lips formed the silent words of an apology, but no sound came out as your soul burned with shame. 

   The rest of the night went by in a blur as you were handcuffed and escorted out of the grocery store. Dozens of reporters were crowded around the building, cameras flashing in your face as they tried to get you to speak up. But your voice was completely lost as the world went numb and blurry around you.

   You were completely unfocused as you were shoved into the back of a police car. The dull sound of sirens echoed hauntingly in your ears as you stared out the window, barely even noticing the sound of the highway as the car started cruising away towards the police station.

   You hadn’t seemed to notice either that the man driving the police car was actually the one you had almost shot; his name was Keiji Shinogi, and while he wasn’t too high ranking in the force, he was definitely up there. He was used to dealing with cases such as yours, but you were… 

   Different.

   You were the first robber he had seen to actually hesitate on their actions. Whether it was because you were young or not, your sense of good had overwhelmed you back in the store. 

   He knew you could’ve taken his life right then and there. Yet somehow, he was still oddly intrigued by you. He could tell just from how Lukas and Evelyn had reacted that you actually had a good heart; you were just thrown into the wrong group of people, and he managed to figure that out pretty quickly.

   The image of the fear on the officer’s face seemed to be permanently ingrained in your head. You couldn’t think about anything else; not how you were about to go to jail for the first time in your life, not the driver, and not even Lukas and Evelyn could distract you from the image. 

   Slowly, as your vision became blurry, pure regret began to ebb onto your face as silent tears formed in your eyes, which didn’t go unnoticed by Keiji. Your throat began to swell up into a sort of strangled sob, and you were about to let out a wail when you were cut off, 

   “Hey. It’s okay, you know. You didn’t hurt me. I’m still alive, you did no harm.”

   You blinked, startled as you looked up. You hadn’t noticed at all that the cop driving the car was the one you had pointed a pistol at. Your mouth opened and closed wordlessly, not knowing how to respond as your brain tried to process his words as he went on, “You’re a good person. I know you didn’t want to shoot me, and that’s why you dropped your gun back in the store. You’re not a bad person.”

   “B-But I almost murdered you!” You suddenly blurted out, your eyebrows raised as far as they could possibly go on your head. Your tears over spilled, creating thin lines down your cheeks as you were unable to wipe them. 

   The officer silently pulled the car over, turning the ignition off before turning around to face you. He shook his head, “Yes, but almost is a keyword. You weren’t going to shoot me, no matter what.” 

   “How d-do you know t-that?” You choked on the words, a lump forming in your throat as you looked away, unable to make eye contact with the man. He merely shook his head, a small smile forming on his face as he reached over and gently tilted your chin over so you would look at him.

   “I just...Know. You’re nearly an open book... Here, let’s make a bet. If I can guess your situation correctly then you have to believe me when I say you’re not a bad person, okay?” 

   “And i-if you guess incorrectly?”

   His small smile turned into a laid-back grin as he shrugged his large shoulders back and promised, “Then you don’t have to believe a word I say.”

   You sniffled, the flow of tears on your face refusing to lighten up as you nodded slightly, “O-Okay. Go ahead.” 

   “Okay so… You were looking to make a quick buck at first but then you got involved with the wrong group of people. You got dragged into a life of crime, and it was too dangerous for you to somehow back out plus the loss of a somewhat steady income scared you. Which, therefore, is how you got put into the messy situation you were in earlier today.” He tilted his head slightly as he studied your face, the same easygoing grin still spread out on his face.

   Your lips parted as you, once again, struggled to use your words. While other people would get impatient with you at this point, Keiji stayed where he was, studying you silently the entire time until you finally managed to mumble, “Well… Y-You’re not w-wrong. At all.” 

   “It’s the Officier Vision, I tell ya. Well, now that you’ll believe me, you’re not a bad person, you hear me? You did nothing wrong, you were just thrown into a bad circumstance,” He smiled warmly as he reached up with his thumbs and quickly wiped the tears off of your face as he teased, “And don’t cry, sweetheart. It doesn’t fit your scary robber look that well.” 

   You let out a snort, a weak smile spreading out on your face as you shook your head. It was the first time that night you had actually smiled, and somehow it was all because of the cop you had nearly murdered. 

   The rest of the ride was filled with comforting remarks and calm conversation as the officer talked to you. He managed to even get a few smiles and laughs out of you before he informed you about what would happen next. There would be a court case in the next week or so, but other than that you would be following the prison’s schedule. 

   Once you were there, it took a few hours before you were secure in a jail cell. You had no roommate, and the hallway was eerily silent. Everybody must be asleep already... You thought with a slight sigh as you slumped down with your back against the bars. Never in your life had you imagined you’d be locked away in a jail cell, rotting away your days with barely anything to do.

   You sat there for what seemed like an hour, staring blankly at the wall as you thought about everything that had led up to this point. It wasn’t until you started hearing faint footsteps in the hallway that you finally snapped out of your trip down memory lane. 

   Peering over your shoulder, your eyes widened as you recognized the patrolling officer. This has to be a coincidence. First I almost shoot him in a grocery store and then I get arrested by him? Now, this?  

   You didn’t know what overcame you- was it your loneliness that convinced you to suddenly call out to him, or was it the need for affection that did? Either way, as soon as you realized that it was him you suddenly called out, “Officer!”

   You watched as he visibly froze in his tracks as he recognized your voice; he spun around on his heels and locked eyes with you, at first cocking an eyebrow in confusion before his natural warm smile spread out on his face.

   “Well, if it isn’t none other than my little gangster,” He hummed, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked over to your cell. You felt your face flush as you lost your words for yet the third time that day.

   “What’s up?” Curiosity soon replaced his easygoing expression as he looked down at you, “I know you didn’t call me over to ask if I could try and break you out of here, sooo…” 

   You mirrored his expression, raising your own eyebrow as you teasingly responded, “Or did I? What would you say if I did ask you to break me out of here? Would you propose that we go run off into the sunset while this prison explodes behind us?”

   A blank expression washed over his face as his lips slightly parted, one finger raised in the air as he tried to come up with some sort of witty response to your seriousness but it was nearly impossible until you finally confirmed,

   “I’m just kidding, officer. I just...Need some company, I guess. It gets lonely with no roommate and nobody else to talk to besides yourself, really,” You paused for a moment, your eyes darting to the floor as you hesitated before you continued, “I know it’s dumb but do you mind...staying here? Even just for a little bit?”

   You stared at the floor, cringing as you waited for your obvious rejection. Stupid, stupid… Who do you think you are? Asking a cop to what, stay wi-

   “Sure.”

   “H-Huh?!” You sharply snapped your head up, looking up at Keiji in bewilderment. 

   He easily cracked another smile, a small chuckle escaping from his lips as he began scratching at the back of his neck lightly, “Why do you look so surprised? Of course, I’d stay here any day over work. You really think I’d turn talking to you down for what, aimlessly patrolling these lackluster halls for another 3 hours?”

   You let out a snort, rolling your eyes silently as you didn’t have a good enough response. You hadn’t actually known what you were really expecting from him, but it certainly wasn’t a yes. “You know, I never got your name.”

   The blonde officer crouched down, gently sitting down on the cold slate ground as he looked over at you, “Really? Do you realize how dangerous it is for a policeman to give out his name instead of an alias?” He paused, taking a moment to ‘think’ before he teasingly added with a wink, “Lucky for you, I like danger. A little too much. My name is Keiji Shinogi, but I’ll also let you call me Your Friendly Neighborhood Policeman too if you’d like.”

   Before he could even finish his sentence your cheeks were soon dusted with a sweet light pink as his words sunk in. You frantically shook your head, trying to brush him off but it was nearly impossible with him sitting so close to you (somebody remove those damn bars already).

   “W-Whatever.”

   The hours flew by as you fell into an easygoing conversation with him. It just… flowed so smoothly. You easily transitioned through topics, taking turns telling each other stories without even realizing it. 

   “...Aand that’s the story of how I nearly got arrested by my own coworker.” Keiji snickered, a hand over his ribs as his chest began hurting from how hard he had been laughing. He hadn’t laughed like this in a long time, and it was good for him to finally forget about his duties for once.

   The large smile on your face refused to go away as you finished laughing, clutching your stomach with both hands as you momentarily forgot all of your issues. “That sounds terrible!” You giggled.

   Keiji let out a light, dragged-out sigh as he rested his head against the bars, the small grin on his face never going away as he stared at you through the bars. He was silent for a moment as he studied you, but soon his grin enlarged as he softly went on, “You remind me of my younger self, you know that?”

   “Hmm?” You hummed, looking up at him and slightly jumping back once you realized how close he now was. If it weren’t for the bars, you weren’t exactly sure what else you would do with him sitting right there. “How so?”

   “Well…” He started, locking eyes with you as he smiled, “You have a kind heart and some good intentions in mind, even if they don’t always work out. Look, can I tell you a secret?” 

   You cocked an eyebrow as you mirrored his expression, “Well, considering I have no one else to talk to in this prison other than you, I’d consider myself pretty trustworthy.”

   “You make a good case, sugar. Now I have to tell you, huh?” Keiji chuckled as he shifted, repositioning himself so his side was pressing up against the bars now, “I’m just like you. I can’t shoot a gun. Can barely even hold one, for that matter.”

   Your eyes widened as soon as you had processed his words, your jaw dropping a little as you furrowed your brows in shock. What? An officer that can’t shoot? How does that make sense...How does he keep his job?

   He studied your face silently for a moment, his small smile nearly melancholic as he went on, “I’ll tell you one day how it happened. But that’s a story for another day...Anyways, I’m glad you didn’t shoot that gun. And not just because I’d be dead by now, no, but because I wouldn’t wish my trauma upon anybody else. It’s a major burden, like a constant thundercloud over your head. It’s...Scary, and sometimes you wish you could just forget it all. It’s painful, and it invades nearly your everyday life; your dreams, your subconscious, your thoughts, hell, even your mind isn’t safe...” He trailed off.

   As your expression relaxed you watched his own face carefully as he let out a shaky breath. It looked like it had taken him a lot to say even just that, yet he still tried to keep his relaxed emotions at the front to make it seem like nothing was remotely wrong.

   You slowly slipped your hand in between the bars, gently resting it on top of his nearest hand. He looked over at you, a mix of confusion and woe in his face that slowly began to ebb away as you took his hand in yours, no words really needing to be exchanged at that point as you comforted him in peaceful silence.

   “I think we’ll be okay.”

                                                         ✰     ~     ✰

   The years in your sentence had seemingly flown by.

   Prison had proven itself to not have been a major challenge for you; while the overall filth of it all was a bit overwhelming at first, you easily fell into a simple routine. As the months went by, you worked harder and harder to gain ‘good conduct time’ credit, and had managed to shorten your sentence by a year or two. You ended up ratting out Lukas and Evelyn with some reassurance from Keiji that they’d never see or contact you again, considering they would be in prison for much, much longer than you.

   Meanwhile, you had only grown closer to the officer you had met on the fateful night of the grocery shop robbery. Between sneakily holding each other’s hands and hugging quickly when nobody was looking, you had managed to talk to each other nearly every night whenever he was on shift. You somehow never ran out of topics to talk about, and you found each other’s presence rather...comforting, of all things. 

   But now you were being released, now allowed back into society seemingly cleansed of your crimes. You were beyond ready to finally forget about your lowlife as a criminal and start fresh, even though it would be considerably harder with a criminal record.

   You tapped your foot impatiently in the office, clutching your belongings that were stuffed into a bag tightly as you waited for a police officer to arrive and escort you out. You felt slightly anxious; while you had managed to say your final goodbyes to Keiji the night before, some part of you just wasn’t ready to move on from him. 

   It wasn’t until you felt a strong, comforting arm on your shoulder that you snapped out of your thoughts. You looked up and locked eyes with none other than Keiji, and you couldn’t help but widely smile as a warm feeling flooded your chest.

   “Hi there, cutie. Almost looked like you didn’t want to leave for a moment earlier, what’s that all about?” He teased lightheartedly, taking his hand off your shoulder as he began walking towards one of the side entrances.

   You followed alongside him, almost like a puppy dog as you smiled expectantly up at him, “Well, I thought my Friendly Neighborhood Policeman had ditched me. You can only imagine how hurt I was while thinking about that, right?”

   He snorted, a grin emerging onto his face as he reached for the keys in his pockets and began unlocking the door, “Really? You think I’d ditch you, after all these years? How low do you think of me?” 

   You gently elbowed him in the side as you snickered, “Very, very low.” 

   He merely hummed in response, shaking his head as he opened the door and began heading for the next gate. It was a rather quiet walk after that; you were unsure how you were supposed to split from him once you left the prison, considering you never really wanted to leave his side. 

   You snuck a glance at him, quickly looking up at his expression before looking away. He seemed to be in some sort of deep thought- his eyebrows were furrowed and his smile had shrunk into more of a quizzical pout. It was a look you had never seen on him before, and while you would never admit it out loud it was pretty adorable.

   “Something on your mind, Keiji?” You asked, tilting your head slightly to the side as you looked over at him after another few steps. He blinked, his expression breaking into something softer as he returned your look, “Actually...”

   He suddenly took both of your hands and stopped, forcing you to turn around and nearly bump into his chest. The feeling of warmth in your cheeks was all too familiar as your words shriveled up inside of you, giving him the perfect opportunity to speak.

   “Look, I know this sort of thing is risky, but I need to confess something to you,” He locked eyes with you, holding you in place to the point you just couldn’t look away no matter how flustered you got as he went on,

   “I don’t know when it happened, whether it was the night at the grocery store or one night when we were just talking. I’ve fallen for you, and pretty hard. You’re just such an amazing person, whether you believe it or not. Even at your worst in that police car, I found you beautiful, and I’m not sure how this is going to end but..”

   He took in a deep breath and your mouth fell open as you realized what he was going to ask, the obvious answer to his question already bubbling up deep in your chest as you had wanted to ask him yourself the same question for years.

   “Would you go out with me, [y/n]?”

credits: reblogs + notes are appreciated!! cop hat clipart is f2u under the creative commons; glitch effect from https://photomosh.com/

#keiji shinogi #keiji shinogi x reader #yttd keiji #yttd #your turn to die #kimi ga shine #yttd imagines #yttd imagine #ficlet #x reader #yttd x reader #someone pls come pry this out of my dying hands #yes i lost sleep for this but im kinda proud of it ngl #all the other prisoners just tryna sleep but nooo #simp cop just hasss to make a move #honestly i feel bad for the other prisoners they're just tryna sleep but no keiji and y/n are talking #never thought i'd actually use y/n but #is this?? new theme?? fitting?? it seems scary idk bro #raise ur hand if you'd like to beat up evelyn #thank god for grammarly bro

[clementineesotsm]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH EP 5, My Appreciation and How It Made Me Feel

1 of the charm i found in this series was the acting of all actors. I have been in theater before and learn acting from my teacher who seems to teach us Stanilavski’s System of acting. I found it in each leads, they shows us this method and leads to a nice subtle acting which you will missed if you are not a person who likes to pay attention to detail. And also why for me, i falls deep into the characters, because they are so damn natural. As if i watching them not really as an actor, but as them. Very good.

For example with this particular scene where JTE was following Gon to basketball ceremony. You can see JTE actually impressed here but trying to keep her cool. Slight eyebrows movements and slight smile there, i saw 💕

I love startled JTE and playful Gon here. They make me feel butterfly as a watcher

As the series goes, the editing was getting better, i appreciate the effort to make the connected transition between 1 scene to another like when Gon are looking at his search history, he found out JTE was reading about Lee Rim and she knows Gon history now. The camera zoom in to the search page then moved to Lee Rim whicn now we can see him recruiting people that will benefit him for his plan. I swear to god i love Lee Rim, he is so creepy. He gave you offer you cannot refuse. The only thing you need to do is kills your other self. And this line of him is one of my fav, and damn scary with the music while throwing the 2G phone

Lee Rim “연락은 내가 합니다” (i’ll be the one who contact you)

Appreciation for PM flashback because they made it aesthetic. PM walking passing the pictures of her inauguration as PM by the King. I love how the make the transition. Smart.

JTE is roaming around Corea alone and found out many thing, like the rare mineral that Gon owns, yi sun sin statue in Busan, we get a glimpse of her being same face with Luna and JY knows, she saw PM on the street, she goes to police station (this scene shows how she acts inline with her detective background, the method that she use to prove that this is paralel world was practical, she is better than Gon. and also shows she was actually a soft person. Eventhough she knows every familiar faces here are a different person, she still have the same feelings and amount of respect to them) , last but not least what a cool scene where JTE and KSJ being in 1 place and time but different world

She basically run out of money and calling Gon, kind of cute. Its like real stuff you do with your boyfriend and probably because she only knows him in this world. I love the piano bgm everytime they are being lovey dovey 🥰 and the fact that Gon changeing direction to pick her up, makes me blushed 💕 i love how they shot JTE from below the building looking up and saw the helicopter.

I also love JTE and JY bickering here. Both are cute and i love protective JY, he is so cool.

This conversation in front of KU building also shows a good acting by KGE, as Gon asking who is Ahn Bong Hui, she explain it with smile but holding her tears, makes Gon feels and saw her so softly, call the ambulance because im dead. Here is my fav JTE line after Gon asking him who is the person that she looking for in this world

JTE “우리 엄마. 여기가 평행 세계면, 나리도 있고 은섭이도 있으니까, 난 없더라도 우리 엄마는 살아 계실지도 모르니까, 몰론 다른 사람인 건 알지만 여기서는 안 아프길 바랐고 나는 다섯 살 때 기억밖에 없으니까 그냥 먼발치에서라도 잠깐.. 그래서 와 봤지” (my mother. If this is a parallel world, Nari and Eun Seob exist here, although i might not exist, my mother could still be alive. I know she is someone else, but i didnt want her to be sick in this world. I only have memories of her from when i was five. So i just wanter to watch her from afar. Thats why i came here”

This girl is seriously pretty here

Gon brought the topic about what he found in a searching page and teased JTE who look for his ex gf and PM. And JTE says “why you read that? Thats cheating” girl is definitely falling for him and very honest. I love her. And Gons smile as he looking at JTE panic face is everything

Then comes the trouble. PM is here because he saw Gon landed in seoul. I love how Gon describe his relation with PM as “금요일마다 보는 사이” (i think netflix did not translate it nicely, i dont know how to translate it either) and JTE refer her as IU 🤣 i love this line.

PM is a cool woman and very professional, i love her choices of fashion, i love her character. I actually hoping she is somehow will becomes allies. But ..

How it made me feel:

Happy. Most of the times, smile from ear to ear. As i said earlier, the main character of this episode is JTE. Here we can see her feelings grow fonder to Gon. I dont agree if people said that JTE only loves Gon because he is rich. Not at all. Even before coming to Corea she already missed his existence, and left marked in her heart, also if she did not slightly believe in Gon, she will not going to go to Corea with him. And arriving in Corea seeing how Gon is very affectionate towards her and took good care of her, also he is cool at work, makes her fall deeper. Its like crushing back to the person who had crush on you. Very normal.

The other thing i got from this episode is about Lee Rim recruiting people to be on his side by killing their doppelgänger. He inform us that up until now, nobody have ever refuse him. Lee Rim act as a devil who seduces human to be evil by pretending as God that helps them coming out from their problem instantly. Many people lives in an unbearable life they wanted to change it so badly and sometimes took a wrong way. Also here we were shown that greed is a common emotion that human has. Even JTE which we know is a good girl, has it. She is looking for her mother, she might be saying that she will just going to look for her from afar. But i bet, seeing her personality, she will probably hug or talk to her if she really exist in Corea. Probably will not let her go so easily. Just my assumption though.

I hope my eyes did not wrongly see, but i feel like they use a different camera filter for Korea and Corea. In Corea im feeling a sense of like being in the past. It gives an antique feeling. And Korea gave more modern feels. If this is true i appreciate it even more 💕

Last but not least, so far until episode 5, despite being a fantasy genre, i found real emotions and events related to real life here. Appreciate it so much 💕💕

#the king eternal monarch #tkem #lee min ho #woo do hwan #kim go eun #kim kyung nam #jung eun chae #lee jung jin #kim eun sook