#like he believes miles is innocent even when miles himself doesnt | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tub3rculosis · 8 months

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"i'm your man" belongs to edgeworth. "i'm your man" is a perfect representation of edgeworth's reflection on the turnabout goodbyes case. i'm your man is the perfect illustration of edgeworth's feelings both about himself and phoenix at the end of aa1. just please hear me out.

without further ado here is my somewhat unhinged analysis of edgeworth's mind in between turnabout goodbyes and rise from the ashes using lyrics from mitski's new song "i'm your man" as reference.

"you're an angel and i'm a dog"

edgeworth is obviously in a very bad place mentally after being arrested. he has to relive and reevaluate the source of his trauma on top of having everyone who looked up to him / liked him turn on him. but like a guardian angel, phoenix comes down to help him when no one else will. he, as edgeworth will repeatedly remind us in-game, "saved him." but why, he thinks, would an angel like phoenix care to save something so insignificant as a dog like him?

"or you are a dog and i'm your man"

now we flip the narrative... kind of. or rather recontextualize it. phoenix wright is completely devoted to miles edgeworth in the same way that one might compare a dog to its man. "man's best friend" is the embodiment of phoenix wright, it doesnt matter that they didn't talk for so many years and it doesn't matter that when they did reconnect in court there was some initial animosity. the fact of the matter is that phoenix's utter dedication to edgeworth's wellbeing transcends time, like a loyal dog ready to give pure unconditional love.

"you believe me like a god"

going back to turnabout goodbyes, pretty much everyone has given up on edgeworth, including edgeworth. and yet, even when edgeworth was literally confessing to the murder of his father, phoenix still truly believes in edgeworth's innocence. phoenix's worship, his complete devotion to this man he hasn't spoken with in over 15 years, would seem absurd to any onlooker. hell, these men are rivals. ("right nick? rivals!") and yet, as if belonging to a religious fanatic, phoenix's faith in edgeworth never falters. this, to repeat my previous wording, further recontextualizes the first statement. edgeworth is a dog. he sees himself in an extremely negative light, completely undeserving of the label "god." nothing makes sense about phoenix. what redeeming qualities could miles edgeworth, fallen prosecutor and murderer, possibly have that such a divine (angelic) man like phoenix would put faith into him?

"i destroy you like i am"

it would be easy to say that this is about their battles in court but lets be fr. edgeworth was definitely not doing any destroying during his cases against phoenix. rather i think we can delve deeper into edgeworth's self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy.

would it be oversimplifying things to say that phoenix became a lawyer solely for edgeworth? no sure. obviously there were some other factors. but like... bffr. the main reason was undeniably edgeworth. this isn't debatable lol. and i think edgeworth, oblivious as he may be to literally anything else, knows this. he knows this and thinks it makes him a burden. he is not worth the stress, the work, the dedication, and especially not the love of phoenix wright. in somewhat of a self-aggrandizing manner, he thinks he's destroying phoenix's life by forcing him to spend so much time and effort saving him.

"i'm sorry i'm the one you love"

pretty self explanatory. edgeworth cannot possibly comprehend the fact that he is deserving of love. he is not in a position to accept phoenix's love, hell, he was not in a position to accept phoenix's help at the start of the trial—how could he possibly accept the love of an angel who treats his dog self like a god? (pretend that was profound or smth idk) edgeworth hasn't even fully wrapped his head around the full implications of his developing unnecessary feelings towards phoenix. there's no way—even though i think of them both sensed their romantic tension—that they could have ended up in any romantic situation at that point in their relationship. could they have been involved sexually at this point? maybe? i guess so? but romantic?? no way, they're both wayyyy too emotionally constipated for that shit.

"no one will ever love me like you again"

he's right. im kind of a broken record at this point but phoenix's dedication is simply too much for edgeworth at this time. there's just no way edgeworth can feel good about himself after everything he's done / thinks he's done to phoenix.

"so when you leave me i should die / i deserve it don't i"

i recently saw a post where someone said the reason miles didn't tell phoenix abt dl-6 initially was because he couldn't risk losing phoenix's trust. i mostly agree, but i think part of it was to protect phoenix and not cause any more work for him. edgeworth knows how deep dl-6 goes, how weird and convoluted it was; and i think he especially knows that he would feel even worse about himself if he threw such a heavy case onto phoenix. but phoenix is stubborn and miles knows this. once phoenix is set on saving him there's nothing more for him to do other than tell the truth. (or rather, what he perceives to be the truth.)

phoenix saves edgeworth and edgeworth is extremely grateful, but... at the same time he feels like he is only complicating things further between phoenix and himself. not that he would ever express any of this of course. i mean come on, this is aa1 edgeworth, we're getting cryptic gay one liners and that's it.

+ in regards to the whole "choosing death" thing, i think the seed was planted almost immediately after turnabout goodbyes and the events of rise from the ashes were just the catalyst for him to actually act on them. both cases involve edgeworth having an identity crisis; while phoenix just fucking existing in his vicinity lowkey started said crisis turnabout samurai is when we really see the relationship between them develope. (i don't think i have to say why *cough* "saddled with unnecessary... feelings" *cough cough* ) this is the beginning of edgeworth's growing trust, admiration, and eventual love for wright.

"i can feel it getting near / like flashlights coming down the way"

"it" is the truth. as phoenix picks away at the bonkers bullshit insanity of dl-6, he gets closer to discovering what miles is already suspecting, that miles killed gregory edgeworth. but miles values truth above all else and he's willing to risk a guilty verdict in favor of honesty.

i think another reason why he transparent from the beginning was because there was part of him that was projecting his old ways onto phoenix—if he withholds this testimony then phoenix can get another win. this is what he had his own witnesses do in previous trials. but wow! character development! and now edgeworth is trying to do the (w)right thing regardless of the outcome of the trial—he knows telling phoenix about killing gregory will completely fuck up phoenix's case but he needs to anyway because it's the moral thing to do.

but for the billionth time, phoenix has such complete faith in edgeworth anyway that it doesn't fucking matter if he full on admits to killing his dad. because "nuh uh, you're not the kinda guy who'd do that even accidentally"—phoenix. honey. you've only known miles for like a few months in elementary school + spoken like... what, twice in court? you barely fucking know this guy phoenix, and yet you're somehow fucking right and it it turns out he didn't even shoot his father after all? what the fuck parrot. what the fuck phoenix. he's so hopelessly gay for edgeworth like they're so insanely homosexual omfg bruh... idiot gayass lawyers

"one day you'll figure me out"

another double meaning. phoenix already has figured out the truth of the case but not the truth of edgeworth's feelings. edgeworth, having seen phoenix's remarkable ability to discover the truth, falsely assumes he will be able to know things about miles that he has no way of knowing. i think this is why he worded his "suicide note" the way he did. he didn't anticipate that phoenix would refuse to think about it altogether. this is the phoenix who after initially losing edgeworth 15 years ago dedicated so much of his time trying to find out what happened to edgeworth. so it was somewhat reasonable to assume phoenix would try to track him down again. but little did he know that phoenix's grief and heartbreak would overpower any possibility of him finding the truth on his own.

"i'll meet judgment by the hounds"

phoenix, the hound, phoenix, whose dedication to edgeworth borders on stupidity at times, whose love for edgeworth despite all his flaws is a main drive for his career and eventually most of his life...

edgeworth is torn between wanting to live up to phoenix's perception of him and wanting to prove phoenix wrong in his admiration. regardless, phoenix's judgement is at the crux of it all.

furthermore, the actual meaning of the lyric was in reference to being sent to hell. if we go with this interpretation hell could be read as edgeworth's mind in the detention center before the first trial. phoenix's assessment of edgeworth's circumstances and insistance on defending him even when no one else would is another example of his dog-like loyalty.

"people always gave me love / others were never to blame after all"

von karma was basically a second father to young miles. he took this orphan in, showed "compassion," raised him and trained him to be the prosecutor he is today... just so he could pettily watch miles' downfall. i think miles blames himself for letting himself be manipulated by von karma. even though his behavior was a symptom of the 15 years of abuse and manipulation, edgeworth thinks of his younger self as a disgusting reflection of von karma and feels like an awful man for achieving the fame/notoriety he had through von karma's tactics. like imposter syndrome. because he idolized von karma so blindly he thinks he is still somehow responsible for the events of both dl-6 and turnabout goodbyes.

"you believe me like a god / i betray you like a man"

at the end of the day, edgeworth is not a dog or a god. he is literally just some guy. he's human, flawed, emotional; logical, illogical; he's contradictory and complicated and so much more because to be human is to be confusing. to be human is to make mistakes. to edgeworth, this is all completely unacceptable. he can't be "just some guy" if he needs to be a god. especially because it betrays his perception of how phoenix perceives him.

((ik this isn't really supposed to be about rfta but it feels relevant and this is my post so smd i can do what i want) in rfta, when edgeworth wrote his note, he obviously knew how dramatic his diction was and i think there was a tiny part of him that predicted phoenix's real reaction to the letter, but he rationalized that thought away using the justifications i mentioned earlier. he betrayed phoenix by not staying in japanifornia and avoiding facing everything that was happening head on.)

tl;dr: phoenix loves edgeworth but edgeworth hates himself (shocker!!)

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bangtangalicious · 3 years

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cancelled (1) | myg, jjk

summary: you cheated on your boyfriend, one of the most sought after boys on campus, with the nerd from the back of the lecture hall. that’s not the whole story, but only you know that. now a video has leaked across and everyone is turning against you for hurting such a perfect s/o.

pairing: yoongi x reader, jungkook x reader

wordcount: 3k

genre: yandere!yoongi and nerd!jungkook exyandere!jungkook

established-relationship!au college!au cheating!au

warnings: reader discretion is advised. cheating, mentions of past dubcon activity, yandere behavior, guilt, slight oral (f and m receiving), reverse cowgirl, soft smut in a not so soft situation, manipulation, jungkook calls you his pretty baby, sexual harassment, yoongi is lowkey a creep in this, prostitution i guess but like...its not how you'd think, mentions of rape fantasy but it doesnt happen

twoshot: part 1 | part 2 | masterlist

They say that you let a good thing be. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you. Well in your almost perfect life, that hand was Min Yoongi. Your boyfriend of 2 years now. You met through family, he was an heir, and you were the daughter of a wealthy associate. He used to spend his spring breaks with your family back in high school. You recall fondly how he sneak out, begging you to cover for him, end up passed out drunk in some alley and calling you, scared for his life.

You saw the way he grew—no, blossomed into the amazing man he is. You both got accepted to the same prestigious university program, and it is here your love story truly began. Straight out of a movie, Yoongi did not realize how much he adored you until he saw you grinding your ass up on some random guy at a frat party. A few months of drama gave way to pure happiness.

Yoongi made quite a name for himself on campus. He was incredibly charming, was impressive in his studies, and was always around for a good time. He treated everyone with respect and had no enemies. You felt proud to be his girlfriend, by his side as he made his mark.

And he was so so good to you. While your start may have been driven by jealousy and rage, he made up for it entirely by taking you on weekend getaways, loving you sweetly, holding you while you cry and buying you food. You two were freakishly domestic, and you loved it. You were ready for the ring whenever he was. So blessed that you could wake up every morning in a pair of arms that held you like you were their whole world.

Unfortunately, paradise tends to be a destination never quite reached. You sat, curled up into your knees, trembling as you watched cruel comments pop up on a video.

ungrateful whore.

Yoongi deserves so much better

#y/nisoverparty

why would you even want to cheat on a catch like yoongi? jfc

You didn’t know what bothered you the most. Was it the comments? Was it your fucked out face in the video? You moans that clearly indicated pleasure? Was it the fact that you hurt a man you loved? Or was it the fact that he was still there, sitting right next to you and kissing your damp cheeks every time he saw a tear, mumbling into your neck that it was okay, that he wasn’t mad. Did you deserve someone so perfect?

“Aw baby” He coos at you, stroking your hair as your sobs got louder. You fell into his embrace, unsure of what to think or do. “Ssh…I’m not mad baby. It’s my fault I wasn’t there”

You didn’t know how true his words were. You didn’t know just how at fault he was.

Yoongi had been doing his work in your shared apartment in his private study which even you weren’t allowed to enter. The security footage of your lecture played on his monitor, but he was barely paying attention. He kept an eye on you, but it was getting unnecessary. You had been together for so long, he could trust you now. He sighed and zoomed into where you sat, whispering something to the person seated next to you. They giggled and slid their hand onto your thigh. Yoongi simply watched, a smirk playing on his lips. The whole campus knew you were his. No one would dare make a move on you. He made sure of it. It was the whole reason he made your relationship so visible. He had people’s respect, and so they would respect that you belonged to him.

The hand trailed up your thin yoga pants, cupping your core. You slapped the hand away and Yoongi grinned wider. He liked to test you every now and then.

Yoongi wired money to that man’s bank account through his phone. Now all you had to do was tell him what happened. There was no room for secrets between you two.

“I’m home babe” He heard you walk in. He popped a Xanax and gulped down a glass of water. He smiled at you sweetly, taking your bag and setting it down before attacking your neck with soft, breathless kisses.

“How was your day?” He asked quietly, “Anything interesting happen?”

“Nah. Pretty uneventful” He raised his eyebrows.

“Oh. Nothing at all?”

“Well” Yoongi’s eyes perked. Tell me someone harassed you baby. Just tell me. “I did try this amazing latte at the cafe in the Literature building.”

Why were you lying to him? Yoongi tilted his head. It wasn’t that big of a deal, it just made him wonder what else you hid from him. The little things. The little things that pile up.

Yoongi realized it had gone too far when he heard you gossiping with a few of your girl friends in the hallway of the Science Institute. “I just can’t believe he won’t fuck you. Doesn’t he know how many people would if they had a chance?”

“He seems so perfect but it’s almost like he’s just lacking the one key thing. Dick” They giggled. You rolled your eyes. You had confessed that you really did want to have sex. Yoongi wanted to save himself for marriage, but it was getting hard for you. When you brought this up with Yoongi he shut you down immediately.

“Baby” He fingered the purity ring on his pinky finger, “You know I can’t”

You had been frequently meeting with someone from one of your lab classes, a certain Jeon Jungkook. Yoongi didn’t love this, but he was acquainted with Jungkook, and knew that he likely was not a threat. The boy was not your type at all—his clunky glasses and sweater vests and his hair long and swept back, unlike Yoongi’s fresh blonde cut. Sometimes you wouldn’t tell him that you were with Jungkook, but he still knew. Nothing happened. But he still got irritated.

Unfortunately it was impossible to truly watch you all the time. After all, Yoongi was a social guy and had to make appearances frequently. He often wondered if you knew he watched you, so you waited to run off fuck yourself on Jungkook when he wasn't looking. He bit his lip until blood came out, raging at the prospect.

He wasn’t entirely wrong about you though. You did always feel pressure of behaving in a way that reflected well on him. So when everyone was looking at Yoongi, you were able to slouch your shoulders and relax. You would go to Jungkook’s house for a drink, with no ulterior motive on either of your end. You loved Yoongi. Jungkook respected him, and you. There was no issue.

So when Yoongi showed up at Jungkook’s doorstep a week later with a bag full of cash asking him to fuck his girlfriend, he was disgusted at first.

“E…excuse me?” He stammered, blushing. Yoongi squinted at him.

“Have sex with y/n the next time she is over.” He put on a show, “I just feel bad I cannot give her what she desires. I don’t want to deprive her of anything. I know she is fond of you so if you wouldn’t mind…she is very beautiful I can tell you that”

“I…that’s not…do you realize how insane this is?”

Yoongi shrugged, “It’s twenty-thousand dollars to fuck a pretty girl. What’s so bad?”

“Does she want this? D…do you have her consent to be asking me this?”

“Of course.” He chuckled giving a charming smile, “In fact, she has a bit of a fantasy that I was hoping you could indulge. I am not sure if she will go through with it but, she might try to resist at first, but really she wants to be used like a whore. She will love it, really.”

Jungkook gave him a skeptical look. “What the fuck? You want me to indulge your girlfriend’s rape fantasy? I’m not a fucking sadist”

“It’s not a rape fantasy. She just likes to struggle a bit but then she will get into it. She will want it”

“I can’t believe I am even entertaining this conversation, you need to leave”

“Forty-thousand.”

“Fuck off Yoongi. First of all, I am not even into y/n…” He paused.

“Oh please, she’s the finest thing in miles of here, you just haven’t considered her as available. That’s how I know I can trust you to do this for me.”

Jungkook gulped. That’s not quite it. He thought to himself. But the thought passed when Yoongi took off his watch and handed it to him.

“This is worth half a million dollars. Are we good?”

Jungkook just gaped at him.

“You have had sex before right?”

Oh yes he had. Once. He nodded slowly.

“Okay good. Please show her a good time and keep this between us”

“She knows right? She knows you’re asking me to do this?”

Yoongi grinned and pat Jungkook’s shoulder, “Oh baby boy, she’s the one who suggested it”

Jungkook found that a bit hard to believe.

What Yoongi didn’t know was that Jungkook already has had sex. With you. You didn’t know it was him, and it was long before you began dating Yoongi.

Jungkook had been obsessed with you as a high schooler, your pictures collaging the back of his bathroom door, a variety of your things—forgotten hoodies, dropped pens— messily shoved into the drawer of his desk.

It was an innocent phase at first. You were just so pretty. He couldn’t help the way his blood would rush between his legs every time you would glance in his general direction. He couldn’t help watching the way you outgrew your uniform skirt, almost breaking down in tears when you replaced it with a larger size. He would sneak out of class when you had PE to watch you run, and the way your breasts bounced in the tight top you wore.

You didn’t know him. Why would you? He was no way near your league. He worked extremely hard, dreaming to get into the same university as you on a full ride because his family could never afford it.

Jungkook would normally follow you home, obviously he just wanted to make sure you reached safe. You had been crying the entire walk home. Jungkook had to gather every ounce of self restraint not to go hug you and kiss you until you smiled again. He hated seeing you cry, and it made him want to die.

He was worried about you. You entered your beautiful home, but no one was there. What if you tried to harm yourself? Who would protect you?

He had snuck in through the back.

If anyone had been around, they may have heard a scream. But more likely the would have heard the cries of pleasure that followed.

That evening you told Yoongi you were going to work on stuff with Jungkook. You dressed modestly, not bothering to freshen up much. He watched through his cameras as you arrived into Jungkook’s tiny apartment. So much smaller than his, probably in more ways than one, he clicked his tongue in amusement.

“Hey Jungkook!” You hugged him lightly. He looked extremely uncomfortable which made Yoongi all the more amused.

Two people fucking who both don’t want to. What do you call that? Yoongi chuckled darkly.

“Listen y/n…I know that…I know I agreed but I just wanna make sure…” Jungkook could barely look you in the eye. As destiny would have it, you chose that moment to pull your hoodie off, giving Jungkook a flash of the underside of your breasts. He gulped. “You really don’t remember me do you…”

“What do you mean?” You were so confused. Jungkook licked his lips and crawled over where you were sitting on his couch, causing you to lay on your back. “What…hey what the fuck are you doing?”

He didn’t like your tone. It awoke a protective instinct in him. He stroked your hair and gazed deeply into your eyes. “How long has it been since you’ve had sex?”

You blushed furiously, face heating up dangerously fast at the sudden question. You shifted your neck away from him uncomfortably. “Um…I guess…3, maybe 4 years?”

“Tsk, poor girl.” He cooed, his finger grazed your cheek, “Alright, I’ll play along. You can let me know if you want me to stop okay?” He lowered himself enough to let his lips trace travel down the veins on your neck. He inhaled you, memories of innocent years coming back to him in floods.

You were frozen. His body radiated heat, his scent was giving you a high you couldn’t quite explain. You shouldn’t feel this way. You had sweet sweet Yoongi waiting for you at home. Sweet Yoongi who loved you, and was saving himself for you like the pure angel he is.

You looked up at the soft dark eyes of the man above you now. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of deja vu.

“Jungkook” You exhaled as his lips began kissing over your shirt, down the valley of your breasts, lifting your shirt so he could kiss your stomach. “I…I have a boyfriend”

“You’re really committed to this huh?” He chuckled, taking some of his fingers and slowly circling under the waistline of your shorts. You blinked a few times to try to react to what was happening but your body was overwhelmed. It had been so long since you were touched like this.

“Please” You said loudly, so loudly that Jungkook barely hears the “don’t do this” that followed in a whisper.

Jungkook thought back to the night you took his virginity. It hadn’t been on his agenda, he was content following you around and jacking off to your social media accounts every night. That night had changed him. He had realized then that he was messed up. He realized he needed help and he sought it out. A few years of therapy had done him good. He felt guilty about it for a while, but eventually had to grow and move on. He would never act like that again.

But here he was.

And there you were. Below him again. Begging for him through your actions and pushing him away with your words.

Emotions overwhelmed you. Your heart wrenched at the bitter guilt that you were doing the unthinkable. They very thing that you would condemn about other couples. How could you? How could you cheat? But your body was whimpering.

“I have a boyfriend. He’s so good to me. He’s so amazing, and I…I love” You let out a sob as he allowed his hips to roll into you, giving you friction you had craved for so long, “Jungkook…please” You knew he was reading between the lines. You knew he heard your consent, and that disgusted you.

“Mmm I know baby. I know you love him” Jungkook sighed as he pulled down your shorts, “Tell me about him baby. Tell me how much you love him” He began kissing your thighs, burying his face into your cunt.

“He’s so—ahhh” Jungkook took his tongue and pushed aside your underwear to lick a long stripe between your legs. “So good. So fucking…mmmmhhh” You squealed as Jungkook shoved his tongue inside you. The sensation was heavy in your core, but the sensation drove you wild. He flicked his tongue around, almost too easily being able to find all the right places to make you twitch and moan his name.

“Do you want my cock pretty baby? Hmm?” He whispered teasingly, his voice muffling against you as he continued to eat you out. You yelped as he sucked on your clit and nodded your head dumbly. “My little girl so desperate for cock she’d cheat on her boyfriend hm?” He came up for air, your juices messily spread across his lips, his eyes shot with lust.

“Don’t…don’t say that” You whined. Jungkook nodded before pulling off his sweater. You traced his muscles with your fingers, so defined and beautifully tan as he shrugged off his jeans. He took his glasses off and folded them carefully but you grabbed his hand.

“Keep them on…your glasses…” Jungkook’s eyes widened in amusement.

“Why” He teased.

“I like them. I like them a lot. You remind me of someone I used to like” Jungkook’s blood ran cold.

Did you remember?

Did you remember the way he had pinned you up against your kitchen wall back then? The way he left hickies all over your body, marking you as his. The way he had entered you for the first time, with you sprawled out across your dining table, then again on the counter tops, then again from behind pressed up against the window.

Did you remember how many times you both came? It was like a sex fest of hours and hours. In your mouth, on your face, on your tits and buried deep in your cunt, the condom barely surviving the pressure of his seed.

Did you remember the way you cried after in his arms, unable to walk? The way he held you and kissed you softly, apologizing.

Did you remember how he had given you pills so you would forget, hoping that you wouldn’t be sad any longer?

Jungkook had been too lost in thought to notice that you had pulled your own shirt off, leaving you in a sports bra, pulling his neck down so you could kiss him.

“Jungkook” You gasped as he finally regained consciousness and dragged his fingers across your pussy.

“Will you ride me baby?” His eyes twinkled in his request and you were more than happy to indulge him. Jungkook switched positions with you. You reverse cowgirled him, unknowingly, the perfect position for Yoongi to see all of you as you fucked yourself silly onto Jungkook’s cock.

You lowered yourself down on him slowly, savoring the stretch that you had almost forgotten you could ever feel. Your fingers could never give you a sensation quite like this. Jungkook shut his eyes and tried to savor the feeling.

“Pretty…pretty baby” He cooed, sitting up so he could nibble your shoulder and hold your hips as he bounced you slowly on his cock.

“Tell me something” He exhaled, feeling himself slowly approaching his orgasm, the feeling of your soft, warm walls around him too much to bear, “Did you want this because of me…or did you just need cock?”

You continued thrusting yourself back into him, the firm hold of his hands on you giving you an arousing sense of comfort. You wiggled your ass, liking the way he would grunt when you did.

“Did you want me baby? Did you do this for me?”

You cried out suddenly, feeling a long awaited orgasm overwhelming your senses. Jungkook’s grip on you tightened as he tried to keep fucking you through it, your body going limp, twitching erraticly.

“So pretty…my sweet sweet girl” He turned your head to kiss your lips, slipping his tongue in and relishing in the love you poured in through your actions. He caressed your breasts and continued to thrust up into you.

“Come inside me” You exhaled softly.

“No y/n…that wouldn’t be right” Jungkook was reminded of the eerily intimidating presence of the man who was paying him to do this. He slowly brought his thrusts to a halt before helping you up off of him, his cock still painfully erect. “I can finish myself”

You pouted, watching him drill his graze into your naked presence, violently stroking his cock. He licked his lips shamelessly.

“I don’t love you anymore y/n” He whispered too softly for you to hear, “I’m over you. I’m over this. This doesn’t mean anything—AAAAhhh” Your mouth was on his cock and that was all it took for him to come harder than he ever had.

He took you into his arms, wrapping them around you and kissing your face over and over again, caressing your hips and trying to relax your muscles so you wouldn’t be sore.

You reached for your phone as Jungkook began to fill the silence.

“Yoongi seems really great. He clearly cares about you a lot. I’m really happy for you, genuinely” He says softly, “I’m honestly really impressed he let this happen”

But you didn’t hear him, all you could hear was your heart drumming loudly in your ears as you saw the stream of notifications on your phone. Your heart dropping like a bomb when you saw the single message you dreaded more than anything.

yoongi: what’s this? <link>

And linked was a live stream of the events that had just transpired.

masterlist next----->

A/N: im just cackling at #y/nisoverparty HAHA um stream film out! woohoo

#bangtansmutnet #bts smut net #btssmutcentral #bangtansmutcentral #bangtansmut #yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fic recs #jungkook smut recs #jungkook yandere #yoongi yandere #yandere!bts #yandere!yoongi #jungkook fanfic #btssmut #bts smut #bts fanfic

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detective-gum-chew · 3 years

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okay okay okay

i know this isnt an orginal idea by any means but roleswap!narumitsu is just so good

so youll have to indulge me because this lives in my head rent free and i want to write it down concretely somewhere (also this gets LONG so ill pop a cut in here)

alright so:

1. at least in my writing of it, this is also a no-dl6/gregory lives au. but as well at that, miles and phoenix didnt go to school together

2. this means that there was nobody to defend phoenix at the class trial (yes i know the money stolen was edgeworths but shhh lets pretend it was someone elses, kay?) this lead to phoenix becoming not only bitter, but somewhat obsessive over the idea of punishing people that do wrong

(if someone can find that quote where phoenix talks about how he could have become a prosecutor because of the trial i will give u a gentle kiss on the forehead)

3. Edgeworth was raised by Gregory and ends up becoming a defense attorney

4. in this, Von Karma goes down and Franzy is adopted by Gregory, and she assists Miles in his cases. (she can still have a whip, as a treat.)

5. anyway with that set up, lets get into some cases

6. Larry gets accused of Cindys murder, Miles defends with Franzy

7. Lets say Mia was in the crowd of that trial and decided to contact miles, seeing as he appears to be another uncorrupt lawyer and asks him for his help in taking down Redd White

8. He agrees, and she sets a time for him to meet at her office so they can talk. Mia then calls her sister and updates her on how shes going to recruit another person (Redd White hears this)

9. Much like the original case, Mia gets murdered, but this time, Maya isnt here to be blamed. Instead, its Miles himself, as the name that White heard over the phone (so basically we’re speed running to the “defend yourself in court” part)

10. the prosecutor today is Phoenix Wright.

11. but before that lets go into some backstory actually. Phoenix had encountered Mia previously during the Terry Fawles case. He had respected her as a peer, if not for just her determination and deductive skills. (After all, he was young at the time and solely focused on punishing the wicked) After Diego’s poisoning, he had briefly reached out for condolences

12. but anyway, Phoenix had distantly respected Mia, and now that she was dead, he was going to be tough on whoever he thought murdered her.

13. Miles proves his innocence, although it takes some baiting to get Redd White out of his building and actually into court.

14. Wright is... not pleased about this, but theres not much he can do. His displeasure for Mias murder has shifted, but theres a new displeasure for Miles, the man who could beat him in court. (”well well well, you managed to save your own skin. But you should hope you get as lucky as you did in your next case”)

15. Next case! We know Miles is a steel samurai fan, so even without Maya it takes very little convincing for him to take the case. (Fran is not as amused but trusts her brother... enough.. to follow his lead)

16. Case proceeds mostly as normal, with Phoenix requiring Dee to re-do her testimony (maybe something deep within him still itches to put the true bad guy away, even if its harder than the accused)

17. I dont think Phonix would deliver the unnecessary feelings line, although there definetely is that moment in the lobby where hes like “hm. maybe you arent a bad person, but that doesnt mean i have to like you.”

18. and now, now now now, we finally get to the part where i somehow managed to put the most thought into. (for context it is nearly 2 am when i am writing this)

19. sleep schedule aside, you couldnt have thought i would made this WITHOUT some good angst, so here we go. case four is similarly structured to the original, but with an extra side of Phoenix angst.

20. Miles wakes up to Franzy shaking him. She points to the television. the news is on, but the voices are drowned out by a distant ringing as he stares at the image on the screen.

Famed Prosecutor Phoenix Wright Arrested For Murder

21. it just doesnt make sense. So he gets out of bed and into the closest clothes he can find and out the door with his sister in tow. He sits in the cold detention room, thinking about the other side of the glass.

22. Phoenix Wright looks dull. He asks what they want. Miles says he wants an explanation. Wright sneers and asks why. For some reason, that pisses Miles off. He slams his badge to the glass and Wright looks surprised.

“Do you know what this is? It’s my attorneys badge.”

“the badge doesnt mean youre a good lawyer.”

“Well Mr Wright, its 2-0, so i dont think you have any right to say that.” Miles glares at him and Wright sits back in his seat. He watches Miles for a long time.

“If im going to defend you, you need to tell me what happened.“ Wrights eyebrows shoot up and Franziska squawks at his side

“What do you mean defend him!”

“What she said.”

Miles narrows his eyes at Wright as he ponders to himself the answer. Why is he doing it? the answer comes to him.

“Because i dont believe you did it.”

For all his snark, Miles cant bring himself to believe that the man in front of him would kill someone. Theres something about him, either in his eyes or the way he carries himself that makes the idea itself preposterous. Wright looks at him for a long time after he says it.

“Very well.”

21. Miles doesnt seem him until court, but at least he testifies. The next person up, a red head by the name of Melissa Foster, gives a testimony that seems airtight.

22. that is, until he looks over at Phoenix, who is pale as he looks at the woman on the witness stand. Phoenix catches his eye, and very carefully, very slowly, mouths one name.

Dahlia Hawthorne

23. (I really wish i could continue with the more narrative parts of this but im honestly running out of steam and ill get to the point lol. Maybe ill finish it later.)

24. Terry Fawles dies on the stand. Diego Armando falls into a coma. Dahlia Hawthorne walks free. Even after what happened to Diego, Phoenix is convinced he can do better. He sets up a meeting with Dahlia.

25. Doug shows up, trying to persuade him away from it, saying he overheard Dahlia’s plan to kill Phoenix when she arrives. Phoenix is cocky, and the pair fight. Doug gets shoved into the powerline. Phoenix, thinking him dead, panics and runs.

26. Dahlia, having overheard, goes back and finishes him off, drops some poison into his mouth perhaps. With an accidental death with a cause so obvious, nobody bothers to run blood tests (until Miles)

27. Its years later, and Phoenix gets a note that tells him they know what really happened to Doug. Phoenix arrives to a meeting place to find a dead body. He picks up the vial of poison almost absently.

28. After all, Dahlia had gotten rid of Diego and Mia was dead. Now all she had to do was get rid of Phoenix

29. It plays out similarly to case four, with Phoenix being absolved of the first murder, then confessing to the old one. Miles has gone through the work to save his life once, that he cant not do it again.

30. but happy endings (ish) for all, with Phoenix being freed, Dahlia imprisoned and Miles having a better understanding of both him and Phoenix.

31. maybe more happens but we’re at bullet point 31 so its time to stop for now lmao. uh but yeah! roleswap au..... brainrot really.

#lmk what yall think #sorry to maya for writing her out but i couldnt find a way to put her in ;-;#sorry if it gets repetitive towards the end i did not edit this at all #roleswap au #defense attorney!miles #prosecutor!phoenix #ace attorney #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #aa au

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zontiky · 3 years

Note

au where the apocalypse was never a threat or a concept to begin with

*cracks knuckles* now i could make this a decent upbringing au OR i could make it EXTREMELY COMPLICATED and you know me you know exactly what im about to do ;)

reginald THINKS he’s prepping them all for the apocalypse but reginald is a child-abusing FOOL and an alien BASTARD and there’s no apocalypse there never was there never will be. the world is safe and sound but the hargreeves children aren’t.

five runs away from home and gets thrown into april 1st, 2019. the world is thriving. he did it. he tries to get home but he can’t because he’s stuck and im now realizing that everyone reading this post has seen a million fics with this exact concept but FUCK YOU THIS IS MY CITY NOWWW

so he’s stuck in 2019 and he’s like ah fuck ah SHIT what now! and goes to the academy and it’s not like he was super far away from it in the first place. he didn’t even make it a mile away it’s like a 5 minute walk back home lmao

now because reggie thinks there IS an apocalypse he still killed himself and i hate him a lot so cough ahem anyway

five shows up on the mansion and expects dad to be sitting there in his office, doing his evil dad evil villain thing yk the drill

but instead he comes in to an empty house. mom is unresponsive. he cant find pogo (dont ask where pogo is. hes doing monkey butler things ok). and diego is climbing in through the window

five freaks out because WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU THIS IS MY HOUSE and jumps diego and diego goes down HARD because WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MY DEAD BROTHER?? MY BROTHER WHO DISAPPEARED 17 YEARS AGO?? WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKKK

so they try to beat the shit out of each other for a second and by that i mean five tries to beat the shit out of diego whos gained his senses by now and is trying to convince his brother (his BROTHER) that technically he lives here too please stop punching me

luther comes downstairs.

“IS THAT FIVE???”

“SHUT UP AND HELP ME THIS LITTLE FUCKER CAN PUNCH”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

they manage to calm him down when five catches sight of diegos tattoo

WAIT I FORGOT THAT THE FUNERAL WAS BEFORE APRIL FUCK NEVERMIND SCRAP THE PAST 13 BULLETS ABORT MISSION

so five lands in april, goes to the house, and by then the hargreeves have cleared out and are back to doing their own thing more or less. he comes up to the door and grace (pogo has fixed her by now because i said so) welcomes her son back home like he never even left

she gives him a hug

reginald is gone and she hasnt seen her sun in years and dammit, he deserves that hug okay? she gives him a hug.

five pulls away. mom hasnt hugged him for years because he stopped letting her and he’s not about to change his mind now

“where’s everyone?” he asks. he doesn’t even consider that everybody is gone, because where would they go? or maybe it just hasn’t hit him exactly which time he jumped into, maybe he still hasn’t made the connection exactly what age his siblings are now, maybe he has but he still hopes he can deny it for a little while longer

grace wants to hug him again but she refrains. she calls his siblings

one by one, in the span of the next week, she gets ahold of them and calls them back to the academy. “important news,” she says. “you’ll want to -- you’ll need to be here,” she says. “your brother,” she says, and her children listen and come back home

luther is at the academy when five gets here. because, where would he go? he can’t go back to the moon, and dad is gone, and he’s never even been on a bus alone before, where would he go?

when five sees him for the first time he almost cries, because he’s so much bigger and taller and older and what happened to him??

this is his new reality. this is the new luther

but it isn’t, it can’t be, because five is going to get back home and he’s going to fix it, he’s going to fix this and he’s going to grow up just like his siblings did, and it won’t even be long before he’s back home almost two decades ago.

vanya is next to arrive, and five almost -- almost -- smiles at her and gives her a hug and teases her how she’s still shorter than him, but she has such a blank expression on her face and the way she looks between the portrait of him (he hated that portrait from the beginning, he wanted to burn it because hes back now, isnt he? and he’ll go back home and not leave again, but pogo didnt let him) stops him. it will only be a couple of days and he’ll be going home already, he tells grace, so maybe the others dont even have to come here. she nods and smiles and says nothing

diego comes a day or so later, dragging klaus along, and five is stunned by how they look once again. diego looks battle-hardened and angry like he never did just last week, five’s last week, but now he scowls and doesn’t stutter and dresses himself in black and he lives alone and diego looks so lonely but five doesnt think about it because its not his business and he knows better and its diegos own damn fault for cutting contact, isnt it? and even if it weren’t five will go back and fix it all

five knows klaus has been doing things for a good year or so know, but this -- living on the streets, giggling even as diego forces him inside, making lewd jokes with his eyes out of focus -- he couldn’t have even imagined. he stamps down the feeling of i should have been there to help stop him and doesn’t think how sad and angry at their father seeing klaus like this makes him feel, instead he forces thoughts of it’s his own fault he ended up this way and i’m going to get back and fix this (but that’s not a thought he has to force. he will. he has to. it won’t even be another week before he figures out how to get home)

allison gets there next. she took the first plane she could get on to get home and pushed off all her appointments but she had a family emergency just last week and it was hard to get away and she looks so sad even when she opens her arms for a hug and five cant help but relent and give her one. diego scoffs and allison lets loose a dig thats more of a barb thats more of a sharp sentence splitting the air and hitting her brother square in the chest. five doesnt say anything but his stomach twists. just a week or so and he’ll fix it because even as children they never said things like that to each other

he waits for ben to come last. he must be the most adjusted of them all, right? ben read a lot last five saw of him, and hes one of the smartest of them, and secretly five always thought that ben deserves to have friends that he doesnt live with

ben doesnt come

he asks mom and she smiles and he asks the others and they look away and he asks again and someone -- and it doesnt matter who because his ears are ringing and hes stumbling back and falling onto the couch -- says that ben died. ben died years ago.

ben died four years after five left

fives head is spinning and he needs to get back, he needs to stop it he needs to fix it he needs to make it all better because it was never supposed to be this way

(you thought this would be a happy au didnt you?? haha bitch think again)

(it is but they have to get there smhhh)

klaus laughs and elbows the air next to him and five asks, he doesnt beg, he asks him if he can summon ben

everyone scoffs. rolls their eyes. klaus is high as a kite and hes holding a bottle of whiskey and he looks like he hasnt been sober in days. weeks. years. and he’s a liar and ben is gone for real, im sorry, five. i know this must be hard for you

that can’t be right. five wasnt there for all of klaus’ lies and stealing and drunken sobbing. five remembers klaus rolling a joint at the breakfast table like it was last week -- and it was, it was, he’ll fix it still, but to five klaus is still just his brother. just klaus

he asks, not begs, five doesnt beg but he comes damn close in this moment, to tell him the truth

and klaus looks around and ben whispers please, klaus, just try and five is looking at him with wet eyes and he’s thirteen he’s so young and -- he can’t say innocent. none of them have ever been innocent, not since reginald hargreeves adopted them all those years ago. but five...

he tells the truth. and five believes him

so anyway five cant get back and then they decide well ok five while youre staying here we might as well buy you some clothes. ones that arent literally 20 years old. jesus these uniforms are ugly

my jaw is clenching so hard and im cold asdflksdh so im gonna end this here and maybe rb it and continue lated idk 😳😳

WHOOP this is getting away from me i know u didnt come here for quote poetic unquote bullshit but weihfsdkjdhskf THATS WHAT UR GETTING I GUESS XX <3

#asks #ftag #five hargreeves #nopocalypse au #aus #tua #the umbrella academy #im not reading over this. all the typos are there for the Authenticity and Flavor #misc #hfhkjwjkfdsaihshf #I HOPE U LIKED IT IM OUT OF PRACTICE DOING THESE 😭😭#not!fic

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elareine · 4 years

Note

Reverse robins idea. Jason doesnt become a Robin. The bats dont even find him before the cat herself. Selena is still on and off with Bruce at this point. Damian as noticed the little kitten running around and decides the kitten need a more responsible adult than his father and the cat. Cue thugs being terrified of the shadow that follows the little kitten around.

Thank you for this adorable prompt <3 Sorry it took me so long to finish.

“Uh. Dami? What’re you doing?”

Those were—a lot of throwing knives. Like, actual knives, not Bat-themed at all.

Damian didn’t look up. “Sharpening my weapons.”

They looked plenty sharp to Dick, but Damian was a fussy old maid like his father. Their father. He was still getting used to that one.

“You’re supposed to be in Metropolis,” Dick pointed out.

Damian scowled. Dick didn’t take it personally. He liked his oldest brother. Dami glared a lot and yelled at Bruce when he was mean, and he never told Dick that he should stop seeking revenge for what happened to his parents. “Change of plans.”

“Can I come?”

“You’re heading out with Father tonight,” Damian pointed out. “And anyway, no.”

“What’re you doing? Is it a date?” Full disclosure: Dick wasn’t entirely sure what a ‘date’ was. He just knew that everyone blushed when he asked the question and that Bruce, according to Alfred, never got any.

Damian, however, just shook his head. “No. It’s a mission.”

Dick tilted his head to the side. “I don’t believe you.”

“That does not matter. It is the truth either way.”

Bullshit. Damian was sharpening his weapons, okay, but there was no mission for him in Gotham tonight. Bruce had told Dick so when he mentioned that all that would be happening tonight was a Catwoman heist, so he would pick Dick up after.

(Dick had a sneaking suspicion that for Bruce, ‘heist’ and ‘date’ meant the same thing.)

Nooo, Damian was up to something. Something important—or embarrassing—enough that he would lie to his cute little brother about it.

Just wait until he told Babs about this! She was always going on about “Steph did this” and “Cass did that,” and now, finally, Dick had a juicy mystery to distract her. Hehe. This was going to be fun.

—

Selina would never understand Bats. If you’d asked her twenty years ago if she could see Bruce adopting a gaggle of orphans, she’d have laughed but agreed—if the kids were all alone in the world or in a situation that reminded Bruce of his own.

Like, the first kid—okay. That was his son. From the daughter of an immortal cult leader, Selina later found. Weird enough. Then the second just showed up because… the city needed him? And he was right? And then another assassin kid, this time a daughter.

Really, only Dick fitted the pattern she’s envisioned for Bruce. Which was ironic, because, by that time, she’d taken in her own boy (the first after two Catgirls), who fit the pattern much better.

Of course, their child-rearing methods showed some marked differences. Selina thought it was for the better, really. Jay needed to be trusted, given responsibility, to determine his own fate. She let him run his own missions, treated him as an almost-equal when they went out together, didn’t comment on how he sometimes didn’t seem focused on the target so much as on the corrupt people owning it. Jay was thriving.

When his shadow showed up, Selina had expected him to be angry, the way he was whenever B mentioned a concept like ‘bedtime’ or Selina tried to protect him. But he’d lit up like there was nothing more comforting than a six-foot-four shadow following you around, glaring at criminals and innocents alike.

Selina, in her heart of hearts, did not like Damian. She didn’t fault him for his flaws, but it was hard to like someone who called you a harlot under his breath a million times.

Jay, though, adored him. Like, hung-onto-his-few-words, begged-to-buy-a-sword adored him. They even went out on patrol together sometimes. So Selina… let them. Taught Jay more restraining holds and knock-out moves than she had the others because he was a gifted thief already, but that was clearly not all that would be on his path.

And, hey. Usually, she and Bruce had to put their… thing on hold when they were responsible for pre-teens. If these ones took care of themselves, she wasn’t going to complain.

—

“Dames,” Jon greeted him cheerfully, “what’re you up to? Gonna join me tonight?”

“I can’t.”

At twenty-seven, Jon was way too old to pout. He still did. “Aww, why not? Important mission?”

“Not precisely.” There was shuffling on the other end of the line. “I… Catwoman is planning a two-person heist tonight. Batman has intentions of preventing it.”

Jon instantly forgave him. He looooved seeing this side of his partner. Damian rarely let himself be openly soft about anyone but his family, pets, and team, and even that was kept incredibly guarded.

(He often considered that Damian would have benefited from being a younger sibling. Being the first to come live with Bruce had been a steep learning curve for the man. Too steep.)

Didn’t mean Jon wouldn’t tease Damian about it. “So two adults are not supervision enough for the kid?”

“You know it isn’t,” Damian growled. “Father and that woman might do a passable job separately, but not together.”

“What, are they fucking again?”

“Jon!”

Jon laughed. “C’mon, you caught them often enough to know it’s happening.”

“I’m not listening.” Damian immediately proved himself a liar by adding: “This is a dangerous area. They should know better.”

“Good thing you’re there, then.”

“I am sorry, though.” Damian’s voice softened. Jon once again marveled at how far he’d come. The teenager he’d befriended back then would never have such a thing. “Rain check?”

“I could join you, instead,” he offered, just to hear Damian sputter: “What—no! Your colors are visible a mile away!”

“Awww, don’t be like that!”

He decided then and there to keep an ear out for the kid when Damian wasn’t there. Just in case Jason wanted to sneak away to find his birth mother in a foreign country or some other stupid dramatic Gotham shit.

After hearing what had happened to Damian years ago, Jon had already made it his mission to protect the Robins, whether they wanted it or not. There wouldn’t be any more dead ones on his watch. It wouldn’t hurt to add a kitten to the list.

—

Jason had it handled. Really, he had. One of the goons had just taken a bit longer to go down, that was all. The knife had been totally unnecessary.

It took him another three minutes to do anything about that—two of the security guards were still standing, and they were pissed. Jason pushed one down the hallway, choked the other, and then clocked the first so hard he went down.

Then he turned around and searched for the darkest shadow. “I had that.”

Nothing moved.

“…it was a pretty good throw.” Maybe Jason should rethink his stance on throwing sharp shit at people, after all. He still maintained that a gun would be cleaner and more straightforward. Maybe Selina (and Damian) were right though about the value of silence. Their fight hadn’t alerted anyone.

At that, the thrower finally emerged from the shadows, cape dramatically outlining his figure. Jason rolled his eyes. What was it with Bats and dramatic costumes? Selina had made him swear that no matter how much he hung out with them, he wouldn’t ever wear one of the stupid things, and that was one promise that had been very easy to give.

“I have an observational task at the Bowery in two hours and could benefit from a second pair of eyes,” Damian said stiffly. “And your knowledge of the area, of course.”

Oh, awesome. Jason loved working in his old neighborhood. Made him feel useful, like he was doing something. “Can it wait an hour? Only, I’m kinda busy here, in case you didn’t notice.”

“Of course.” Was that a smile under the mask? “I will be waiting.”

Jason gave him a thumbs-up, though he made sure to call: “Don’t barge in again!” while running off. Selina would be waiting.

Jason had had a mother. Still had, really, death didn’t change that. Selina had told him she didn’t want to replace her, which was good cause she couldn’t. As for fathers—Nah. Jason had had enough of those for a lifetime; thank you, Bruce, you can fuck off.

But a big brother? That was new.

He liked it.

#elareine writes #batfamily #damian wayne #jason todd #jondami #batcat #dick grayson #selina kyle

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halorocks1214 · 4 years

Text

the law of action

AO3 Link

Word Count: 10100

Summary: The Law of Action must be applied in order for us to manifest things on earth. Therefore, we must engage in actions that support our thoughts, dreams, emotions, and words

Previous Parts (in order): Alan | You are here! | Virgil | Scott | Gordon

these just keep getting longer fellas i dont understand how thats possible but it is. ALSO: REMEMBER IN ATTRACTION WHEN I MENTIONED THAT THESE WERE BEING WRITTEN OUT OF ORDER. HA, UH, KIND OF AN UNDERSTATEMENT I GUESS. but its here! johns pov chapter! im pretty satisfied with it, albeit a few kinks i wasnt really able to work out, so i hope you enjoy it too!

thanks again to @gumnut-logic for the prompts! "Where?" and lightning were this fic's choices. sad to see the last ones go away, but this was still a blast so thank you once more! also, just because the prompts are gone doesnt mean this series will be too ;3

Anger was a rare emotion for John Tracy.

It had to be. When dealing with the cold hard truth of data telling them something wasn't possible or dealing with annoying people who thought they knew better than him or dealing with people panicking in his ear because nobody expected the aftershock of an earthquake to be that bad, he didn’t have a choice. There were a lot of deals in life that had to be made and someone needed to play peacemaker, even if it wasn’t deserved.

It was true that he got the least angry out of his siblings, even compared to Virgil. Virgil might not get necessarily violent like Scott did, or threw caution to the wind like Gordon, or, hell, pulled off whatever John does when someone somehow manages puts him in a bad mood, but Virgil did get angry quite a lot. He just didn’t have as many blatant ways of showing it. John, on the other hand, didn’t have a lot of ticks. Pet peeves, definitely, John was no stranger to annoyance (especially with siblings like his), but not outright anger.

That didn’t mean he never got angry. He was Tracy born and bred, so that meant one the few ticks he did have surrounded the topic of family.

Specifically, his family being threatened.

John wished he was the youngest sometimes. That meant he could say things like let Scott punch the idiot already, he’d be doing the world a favor, and not get lambasted for the immature response. It also meant he could throw tantrums to hell and back and not feel like a total loser.

Like right now for example.

“EOS, I swear, if you don’t open the elevator door for me--”

“No, I won’t.”

Unbelievable.

Groaning and rubbing his face, his hands found their way up to his forehead and through his hair, holding his bangs out of his eyes for a moment. His eyes had many emotions in them, the most blatant being this shit cannot be happening right now, “EOS, do you know you’re amazing? I don’t think I’ve said that enough.”

EOS whirled for a moment, “John, I’ve seen that grin on Gordon. I cannot believe you would stoop that low.”

The grin she pointed out fell flat off his face, “Yeah, okay, you’re right about that--”

“Like I always am.”

“--So thank you,” John was going to strangle whoever defined sass so thoroughly in the dictionary. It left a bad example, “For the reminder, but seriously, I need to get up to ‘Five. It’s… important.”

It’s been a week since Alan was taken.

They’ve exhausted all options.

The only thing that could possibly get him back to them had to be International Rescue’s resources.

But EOS over here wasn’t getting the memo. Her words had that hint of childish innocence behind it. In that way that said there was no innocence whatsoever and she knew exactly what she was doing, the little shit, “John, do you really need to, or do you want to?”

There’s the inflection that John taught her. An inhale through the nose and… Uuuugghh, “EOS, I know the difference between needs and wants, this is definitely a need.”

Another lens blink, another moment of disbelief, “It seems like you have a lot of needs, John Tracy.”

John grimaced and ground his jaw together, mumbling his grievances with the current situation, “Yeah, well, if there’s any trait I truly share with my siblings, it’s that we’re all high maintenance.” His next words were more clear and designed to get the point across, “EOS, I’m not kidding, unlock the door.”

EOS stood her ground, “John, you going up there is one of the most detrimental things to you’re health at the current moment. I won’t let you.”

John threw his hands into the air, “EOS, there’s are whole lotta things that are currently detrimental to my health currently happening, one more thing won’t hurt.”

EOS lens shuttered again and John felt like it was nails on a chalkboard, “You have a point, but I’ve seen you with Scott when he’s in a similar mood. Don’t you tell him he needs to take a moment and think when he gets like this?”

John groaned as quietly as possible. Not too loud, but loud enough that EOS hopefully got the point, “Yes, I do, but I’m not Scott. We are two very different people, you have pointed this out numerous times. We have different ways of handling things, this, and ‘Five is exactly how I can fix this problem.”

That was not how he should’ve worded that. Her lights flickered in sympathy, sympathy, and he knew she finally figured out what John was trying to get at, “John, there may still be a lot I have to learn, but at least I understand--��

“No, EOS!” John snapped before he could help himself. Before she could finish explaining her point of view that was most likely right, but his desperate brain didn’t want to hear it. His brain that was running on zero energy telling him this was taking too long, fix that, “You can’t understand!”

Just like that, John was reminded of why he hated getting angry.

As soon as the words left his mouth, so did the air in his lungs. Through sheer will and determination, the only thing that didn’t leave his body was the little amounts of food he ate over the past seven days, though it really wanted to. He became very pale, and EOS could detect the not-so-trace amounts of fear that fell over his eyes.

Dammit, you idiot. Months upon that past year of work were now going to go down the drain because you blew your lid just this once! First, the call with Alan, now telling the one thing that could kill you in your sleep she’ll never essentially be good enough was--

“I know, John.”

His food came back with a vengeance, but he was bullheaded as hell, and he already caused enough damage. The last thing anyone needed was to clean up vomit. It would’ve been nicer if she got angry at him. He could handle being thrown out into space. He couldn’t handle EOS admitting he was right, least of all over blatantly cruel words.

He channeled the energy his stomach wanted to use into weak words, “E-EOS, I…” What the hell was he supposed to say? Sorry surely wasn’t going to fucking cut it.

Well, whatever he wanted to cut didn’t come up, as EOS continued as if John wasn’t the worst thing on the planet, “I’ve been doing some reading. I understand that I’ll never really understand certain human-based things like you do. You, humans, have gotten close, me being one of the better examples, as long as that’s not considered bragging, but even I’m not at that level yet. But I do at least know you and your habits. I put up with them on a daily basis.”

Because if there’s anything else John needed to fail this week, it was the one promise he made to her. His promise to keep her safe, to make sure she wasn’t treated like a mindless robot by some crazy scientists ready and willing to cut her circuitry wide open like a middle-school science project. While he would never even get close to being a quote-on-quote crazy scientist, never in a million light-years, he surely didn’t follow that middle part of his promise, “EOS, listen, I--”

“Please, John,” and now she was pleading, thinking he was going to ask to use the elevator again. Thinking he wasn’t going to give up, even after all of that. John might’ve laughed if it wasn’t his fucking fault, “I’ll help look for more options if it means you’ll stay here for a little while longer. You should stay with your family. I know how they affect you in those positive ways that you currently need.”

John was abruptly aware of his heavy, almost wheeze-like breathing. If he wasn’t careful, it could delve into one whopper panic attack, which would be so great right now, “Y-Yeah, okay. They probably won’t understand the effects of gravity over an elongated period of time like I do, so I can stay and help with that, at least. Thank you.”

As John turned around, he heard EOS whisper to herself. He could blearily tell it was actually fondness that filled her vocal waves for once, but it still stung regardless, “Idiot.”

Yeah, he really was, wasn’t he.

As he helped look over his Dad’s med-scan with Virgil, when Virgil went looking for something on the other side of the room, his father whispered, “I know this is a bad question right about now, but, is there anything we can do for you? Maybe even I? You look dead on your feet.”

John could only reply to the first half of his father’s statement with a meek, “I don’t know anymore.”

---

16-year-old John Tracy was seated atop his roof, making sure he got the perfect view of the Big-Dipper.

He was hoping to spot a more exciting constellation when he first used his new telescope, but dangit! He was just so excited to get cracking right away! He just got back from his birthday party, Alan and Gordon snoozing in their rooms while Scott and Virgil secretly finished off the cake. That was okay. John was too busy focusing on his new expensive toy to worry about having any more sweets.

His dad could pull some strings when it counted.

Newest model. The only other people who have this baby are scientists at NASA. Happy birthday, John. Sorry I didn’t get you a car like Scott.

Fuck cool cars. John would be on cloud 9 for days with this thing. Scott would call him a nerd for it. Jokes on Scott, he couldn’t zoom about 10 thousand miles into space now, could he?

Right as he nailed it, the world shook. Large arms snaked around his waist and he involuntarily found himself giggling at the contact. As soon as those limbs let go, he blushed at his reaction and cleared his throat. Suddenly, the arms were an entire body sitting down right next to him, speaking with their ever-comforting burly voice, “Hiya, son, I see you just couldn’t wait, huh?”

Rolling his eyes, John turned back into his serious, analytical self once more, “Yup, this thing’s crazy. I’m glad I got out here as quickly as I did.”

Jeff simply grinned. John was always reserved, but Jeff was a good translator for all of his sons, and he could tell that John meant this is one of the best things in my life holy crap, “That’s great to hear. The look on your face when I brought this out of the closet was certainly good enough to last me a few lifetimes.”

John snorted, “I bet it was. I heard Gordon joking about it with Alan. I don’t think I need to see any pictures anymore. I have a pretty good mental image of what I looked like.”

Jeff smiled and sighed, “No kidding. “Like a goldfish with a broken jaw.” Not the most eloquent, that Gordon is.”

Laughter rang out throughout the roof, followed by a few moments of silence. Not awkward, but not really welcomed on John’s part either, “Do you…” Stop it, John, you’re asking for too much, “Nevermind, it’s dumb.”

Jeff tilted an eyebrow, “Oh, is it? I guess you would know if something were smart or dumb, so I trust your judgment.”

Dangit, Dad, why are you so manipulative, and why are you so good at it, “I don’t know. I’ve established I wanted to be an astronaut, right?”

Jeff nodded, “Mmhmm.”

John, for some reason, felt like he needed to tread carefully, “You are also an astronaut. If there was any way for you to be able to… could you… could you come up with me the first time?”

Jeff blinked in shock, and before his son could register that as disapproval, “Huh, well, that’s certainly wasn’t what I was expecting. Sure, I don’t see why not.”

Now it was John’s turn to blink, his mouth gaped, “Wait, what? Are you serious? Aren’t there rules for this kind of stuff?”

Jeff shrugged, his shoulders clearly saying rules shmules, “I’m also one of the biggest entrepreneurs on the planet itself, and one of the most renowned ex-astronauts there are. You would not believe the lengths people are willing to go to kiss my ass. Would you feel better if I pinky promised?”

John’s nose scrunched, “You can never truly promise anything, you know.”

His father chuckled, used to his son’s antics. John was reserved, remember, “Well, you boys always credited me with doing the impossible.”

John continued challenging him, “When we were all less than 10, yeah, sure. I think Alan still thinks you can breathe in space. You. Specifically. No one else. I think he said you only wore the helmet to “protect your secret so the evil movie scientists don’t take you away.””

Chuckles turned into laughter and a clap on John’s shoulder, “Well, glad to see I still got the magic touch at least.” That same arm that playfully smacked him was now wrapped around his shoulders, “Just you wait, Johnny boy, if I can’t get on that ship with you, then you bet your ass I’ll at least be the loudest one cheering in the crowd.”

Then, suddenly, John was right, like he always was.

A promise that never should have been made: broken. A wish never fulfilled.

Dad was swallowed up by the very thing John loved.

No more space stories, no more fun moon facts, there was a void in John’s life as big as the galaxy itself, and he wasn’t sure how to walk around it, or God forbid even into it.

He tried to be the healthy sibling about it. He tried so hard. Getting through high school quicker than most so he could just worry about his family. Scott and Grandma were doing their best, and in so many ways, it was enough, but even they couldn’t bear all of the stress themselves.

But then his high school graduation came and Grandma gave him one of the biggest hugs of his and her life and he realized that he would never get one from his father again. His mom leaving this world was already bad enough, but at least his dad was there and knew how to fill in the gap after years and years of his marriage with her. You didn’t marry a woman like Lucille Tracy and not fundamentally understand how the gears in her brain turned lest you were truly insane. Maybe Dad was. Certainly would explain a lot of things from John’s perspective. Certainly would explain why she married him in the first place. Crazy attracts crazy.

Regardless, the one thing closest to his mom’s warmth and care was gone, and if he spent the night of his graduation party quietly sobbing his eyes out while the others slept, well, then he was glad they kept snoring.

Try as he might, he became just as unhealthy and unbalanced as the rest of his family, but he was more subtle about it. His self-destructive ways weren’t bad if other people had them, but when it came to him, oh, he knew it was the worst thing he could do in terms of recovery. That’s probably why the rest of the family didn’t notice (Good). John was smart, he would know better. Yes, he did, which is exactly why he dived headfirst right into it all.

Focusing on college, getting up into the star-filled void closer to his dead relatives as quickly as possible, focusing on the here-and-now to make sure this shit didn’t happen again. Making sure no family went through what theirs did.

And maybe that’s why, why he couldn’t handle the touch of others wanting to comfort him. Because it reminded him too much of what they used to have, of what they used to be. Too many hugs and kisses from others might wash away what his mom’s and dad’s felt like, and out of all the things they could potentially lose from this, those were the worst possible ones.

John was a Tracy, which meant he was stubborn.

He wasn’t going to lose the last few things he remembered about his parents if he could help it.

---

It had been just under a month, and John finally got what he wanted.

And it wasn’t working like he thought it would, if at all.

He’s been on ‘Five for three days, and for just a fleeting moment, it washed away any uncertainty. He felt back in control, if only minorly, and he held the world at his fingertips once more. Too bad the world he wanted to fix was so far away it felt like it was on the other side of the frickin solar system itself.

He promised his family four days at most. Please, just one chance. We won’t know unless we try. He wasn’t sure what cracked them first, them coming upon dead end after dead end, them finally seeing reason behind John’s argument, or if they just got annoyed with the space monitor after endless nagging and relented like tired parents.

The tiny part of John’s mind that still allowed him to joke kinda hoped it was the third option. “Easy child”, pfft. John’ll show them.

Right, right, a clear head, the most focused of IR, he can’t get unfocused or go too far off track. He’s saved many lives throughout his life, all of them thanks to his level head, but right now, he was arguably saving the most important life of all, so that meant he had even more incentive to stay focused.

In fact, he was so focused, he jumped at the sudden, feminine voice filling the room, “John, I found another article I think you would like to see about most common places criminals… John?”

Crap, he was halfway into the fetal position. Slowly uncurling, John nodded, “Oh, thank you, EOS. I’ll start reading it shortly.”

The noise of her lens adjusting sounded throughout ‘Five again, “Of course. Let me know if you would like me to start searching for a different topic, though. There has to be a limit to how many “You wouldn’t believe this” articles one can take, and I think I’m finding it really quickly.”

For the next few seconds, John was suddenly filled with a rush of determination he had been trying to get after their little confrontation in front of a locked elevator door to ‘Five.

She had been helping him out so much the past couple of weeks. Running unnecessary tests for him, searching parts of the web only she could search without getting tracked by some secret mafia, letting him know it was okay if he couldn’t get everything right the first time when two months ago she snapped at him for getting a simple algebra equation wrong due to lack of sleep. She had been especially patient with him recently, even after their little spat in the hangar, and John wasn’t sure how to process it. A tiny part wanted to resort to anger again because he clearly didn’t deserve her, but the more prevalent parts preferred something like depression or even apathy.

She had been making sure his world didn’t spin off its axis, and John couldn’t even tell her sorry until now.

“EOS, I’m sorry.”

She stopped moving, turned around and let her lights blink yellow for only a moment, “For what, John?”

The man in question waved his hands around in front of his face, lost, confusing her more. With a sigh, he explained, “For a lot of things, but mainly from a few weeks back when we had that argument. I said something that wasn’t okay, and I didn’t have the balls to own up to it until now. So, I’m sorry. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have even been near.”

For a little bit, it was quiet. John waited as the A.I. contemplated his words. Then, she spoke her judgment, “Well, I know you are. You haven’t exactly been working off your butt over nothing, right? Plus, reliable sources say one of the ways guilt manifests is anger. I’ve seen that with the rest of your family. It would make sense yours would too.”

John blinked. Part of him was expecting her to not fully understand why he was apologizing, but the other wanted her to just so he could get over this, just so he could let go of even just the teeniest amount of guilt he had, “EOS, anger isn’t a valid excuse. What I said was wrong. I don’t believe those words and you shouldn’t either. The whole point of this partnership is to show you that there’s more to life than just calculations and probabilities. It’s kind of hard to see that when the one person who promised to be different went and screwed it up anyway.”

John hoped EOS was at least questioning things now instead of letting his words go in one ear and out the other. Her next words said she was doing exactly the latter, “Okay. I don’t disagree with you, John, but I don’t know why you’re so hooked on this. I understand. We don’t have to worry about this unnecessarily anymore.”

Yes, you do understand. That’s the fucking point.

They weren’t getting anywhere, yet John didn’t even have the energy to groan in annoyance. He could even get his eyebrow to twitch.

All he could do was simply lean his head back against the wall and let his hair stick up against it like static electricity was flowing through it. The real reason it was sticking up was probably due to a mixture of Zero-Gs and grease from all of the showering he hasn’t been doing, however. His eyes had deep rings around them, and for a second, EOS thought about how relative age could be as a number while John softly spoke, “The Hood was an angry man, too, you know. He felt slighted by our family and wanted us to feel the same. It still doesn’t make what he did right.”

EOS thought about his words before coming to a logical conclusion, “Well, that’s certainly a leap in logic. There’s a big gap between simply yelling because you’re annoyed and literal kidnapping. One gives people a sour mood, the other gives them a significant amount of jail--”

“Yes, EOS, I’m aware of that,” John brought his hand to his face, but underneath it was a grin, telling the world that he was feeling fond exasperation more than anything. EOS was more obtuse than him sometimes. It was one of the few things of himself he wished she didn’t copy so easily. He sighed and brought his hand back down, “I’m just... putting things into perspective. I want you to see why my words were wrong. It would make me feel better if you did.”

EOS hung still, letting John’s admission roll over her wiring like a wave of electricity, “You have a lot of needs and wants. What takes precedent?”

More inflection. This time, John welcomed it. It gave him something to stand on. John wanted a lot of things. Alan to be home safe and sound, Dad to have not disappeared for nearly a decade, for his brothers to stop slowly killing themselves, for himself to stop, but the needs of the many, even the needs of one, outweigh the wants of a singular man like him, but, “Well, needs obviously, they’re necessary, however… it’s okay to be selfish every once in a blue moon. It doesn’t make you inherently bad.”

It was advice he parroted many-a-times to his family, some of them more often than others, seldom to himself if at all.

Scott, it’s okay if you have to tell them you can’t make this business conference.

Virgil, you can count inventory in the morning. You didn’t get any sleep last night either.

Gordon, if you can’t smile for a day or two, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Kayo, you don’t have to patrol every night. We have security cams for a reason.

Alan, I know we tease you, but you missing a chore or two isn’t the end of the world.

Grandma, you already do enough for us, you barely cooking for us is the least of our worries.

That last one might be more for the rest of his family than not, but hey, two birds and one stone. Keeping his back against the wall, John stood up straighter against it, face suddenly serious, “In fact, wanting to be selfish is one of the best ways to tell that you’re human. You can’t escape it. It only becomes bad when you end up only being that.”

EOS sat in silence, her lens flickering in that way it always does when she was signifying she was about to pass judgment like a Goddess, which she seemed to be doing a lot more recently, “Well then… If I’m allowed one moment of self-reprieve, I suppose I should say that those words did… hurt.”

John grimaced despite very much understanding that he deserved it. The return of the inflection didn’t exactly help. Pushing himself away from the wall, he felt the metaphorical weight fall off his shoulders, “Yes, they did, and while they weren’t okay, it is okay to say that they weren’t. I still am very sorry.”

EOS adjusted her camera, probably to stall for time, “I know you are, John. I still forgive you, but am I correct in assuming I’m allowed some time to… recover isn’t the word I’m looking for, but--”

“Yes, EOS,” John helped her explain her own point, “Recover is a good word. You’re allowed that if you want it.”

John wasn’t sure how, but it seemed like EOS visibly relaxed, “Thank you, then, for letting me do that. This.”

For some reason, John did too, “Of course.”

It was a soft kind of awkward silence, where both parties had something on their mind but they weren’t entirely sure if they wanted to say it out loud. This is why EOS appreciated John more than the others, he simply let silence be silence. It allowed her time to think, unlike how Scott and Virgil kept asking questions, or how that awful duo made noises and messes only to have a chance at making people laugh. As if that was the most important thing they needed to do.

The nights the youngest called John were endless with his constant babbling that tended to grate her circuit boards. The only reason she let it happen was that John seemed to loosen up at the interaction. He became less weary, less worried-filled. He seemed to greatly enjoy the audial presence of Alan Tracy, let alone the way he lit up when the youngest actually showed up in person. It was just unfortunate that it seemed like the kid could never keep his mouth shut.

Then again… from what John said, the whole reason there wasn’t any more Alan was because he did keep it shut. At the worst moment possible. Now there wouldn’t be any more babbling period. Alan was gone, and the whole family was suffering from the new silence. EOS reasoned it was from the general idea of forced silence instead of just freely being able to leave the room or being able to tell him to quiet down, but maybe it was more than that. She could make another list of options to consider.

Plus, it was weird to think about a future where all of those video game walkthroughs she was forced to save would never be used again. John insisted that they weren’t just wastes of megabytes, so...

Hmm.

“Could you…” EOS trailed off, and before John could comprehend the unusual behavior of the A.I., she started speaking again, “Could you tell me more about Alan? I’m starting to think I judged him rather harshly.”

John took a moment to register her words and promptly snorted, “Well, most of your assumptions about him aren’t entirely unfounded, but that’s one of the joys of being an older sibling, I guess. Surprises around every corner,” there was regret in her voice and John knew he had to treat this as gently as he would a newborn child otherwise he would never hear it again.

EOS flickered, “I thought you didn’t like surprises.”

Uh, “Well, not usually, but there are a few from time to time that I could look back on and call them… quaint, in a sense.” Suddenly, a memory resurfaced, and John found himself grinning like he was doped up on nitrous oxide, “Yeah, they can have good surprises occasionally…”

It was a week before his next rotation. Scott would be back home in about three days, which allowed the second born to actually have a few moments with his only older brother. He was looking forward to it just as much as Scott was. Right now, though, he had to make sure he got the right angle.

Right as he did, he heard the soft pitter-patter of footsteps come up the ladder, and when he turned around, he was met with a bundle of freckles, “Oh, hey Alan.”

Hi, Johnny, the kid squirmed out, Is it okay if I sit next to you?

At first, a list of things wanted to fill John’s head. You look dead on your feet, you should be asleep, you have a lot going on this week so why are you wasting sleep? but instead of any of those filling the void that was his brain, John simply nodded, “Yeah, sure, come pop a squat, Sprout.”

John looked away right before he could watch Alan’s nose wrinkle in displeasure. Despite the usage of the nickname (that Alan secretly liked, don’t think you could pull that wool over our eyes, little bro), the kid still toddled over and flopped himself down right next to his older brother. Sighing, the kid leaned his head on John’s arm and absentmindedly stared out into space, both figuratively and literally. Satisfied his brother was comfy, John went back to his current objective.

As John examined the night sky, he also carefully looked over Alan out of the corner of his eye. Every bruise that John could see was finally dulling out into that familiar greyish-yellow as bruises do, and the sight was enough to calm any negative emotion being created from the reminder. John refocused on his telescope to help as well.

The kid had been through one hell of a week, bullies being their typical selves. Every Tracy outside of Scott and Gordon had their fair share of their own experiences with nasty people, and it wasn’t even the first time they’ve left their special kind of blue-and-black marks, but seeing it on Alan was… worse, somehow. Virgil had unsavory anonymous notes at ‘best’, and John knew first hand that their hits bruised more than just physical skin. So to see Alan get the same treatment and not say anything...

John was starting to understand why his older brother greyed so easily.

Speaking of which, Scott was pretty peeved at the idea of not being there for Alan. Because of this, John made sure to be the sole one to call him and inform him of the awful news while the older brother was out at his designated Air Force base. John wanted to see with his own two eyes that Scott wouldn’t do anything rash and made himself liable to be put on some kind of list.

You would think he wouldn’t be that stupid, but the Tracys are known for breaking expectations over their sweet, sweet kneecaps.

(“Scott, you’re not going to steal an Air Force jet just to come and beat up some dumb kids.”

“Watch me.”

“They’re only a year older than Alan.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

John pinched the bridge of his nose, “Listen, we already scarred them enough as it is, let alone their expulsions. Grandma’s threats to the adults were liable for a government-mandated therapist, Virgil just being there had them running for the hills, the computer I was sporting sent chills down their spines and throughout the hallways, and that’s not even to mention Gordon’s threats to the kids themselves. Seriously, where would a 15-year-old even get the tools to do that?”

Scott visibly relaxed at John’s point, but he still sat a little taut, not fully accepting the idea of people being cruel enough to hurt a literal ray of sunshine, “Fine, fine, I still want to talk to the kid over a call at some point. He was the one who dealt with those idiots.”

John’s shoulders deflated, “Yeah, you got me there. He’ll be back with Virgil and Gordon soon enough, you can see him then.”

Scott smiled in a way that washed away the greys in his hair, if only for a moment, “Awesome, I--”

John wasn’t completely done, “But I’m going to be with Alan while you talk to him. I don’t trust you to not be in search-and-destroy mode, and the last thing Alan needs is an angry you with no buffer. Besides, I’m pretty sure we have the same questions. I can play the angsty-Scott translator tonight. Usual fee, 10 bucks each word.”

The groan that managed to fill the whole house despite the tiny speakers was one John would never forget.)

Too lost in thought, John didn’t catch Alan’s movements at first. Leaning away from his telescope, John focused on Alan, “Sorry, Allie, did you say something?”

The child simply shrugged and smushed his chubby cheeks against John’s side, shaking his head, followed by his hands, I just wanted to see what you were doing.

Ah, that made sense. Alan had been continuously signing for the past year because of the obvious, so John rolled with the punches. It was always funny when they talked about these years in the future. Alan talked, Alan said, Alan brought up: it was always metaphorical, and nobody could believe them when they said Alan was fluent in ASL, let alone because he could actually go half a day without talking.

It was ironic because even with no words, Alan still managed to be the loudest thing on the planet. His hands always screamed with excitement whenever he felt like ‘talking’, and no brother ever felt like shutting him up. Especially when it was so easy for Alan to simply not shake his hands to hide the fact that he was in trouble--

Right, don’t go there. John shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts and replied to the non-verbal admission, “Just looking at the stars. Recording their coordinates and whatnot.”

A small gasp had John jerking immediately away from his scope to see Alan suddenly very worried, maybe even fearful, But won’t you lose your eyes?!

Aha, what? “Allie, you’re going to have to give me more than that.”

John almost didn’t catch what Alan was trying to explain with the way he frantically shook his hands even faster than before, Mrs. Gatsen explained to us that the sun was a star too, but we’re not allowed to look at it for too long because it’ll steal our eyes! I don’t want you to lose your eyes, Johnny!

Ohoho, the part of John’s brain that was all about the smartsy stuff was gearing up to have a full-blown seminar of sorts, but the way the kid seemed so sincere in his worry, in his fear, John felt partially bad for giggling instead, “Oh, Allie, no. Here,” John was activating his inner Virgil and Scott with the way he grabbed the youngster and placed him in his lap, “Yes, the sun is a star, but there are many kinds of stars. Most of which don’t hurt your eyes. Take a look.”

Alan gave one last sentimental look at John, who nodded again just to reassure the blonde before the boy gulped and put his eye against the tool like Johnny did. This time, the gasp that came from him was more magical, more child-like, as it always should be. John watched on as the kid became stuck to his telescope like glue.

Suddenly, Alan leaned back into John, somewhat knocking the wind out of him. Honestly, now that he was thinking about it, John realized he was pushing it by letting Alan sit next to him in terms of his personal comfort zone. He loved Allie just as much as the rest of the family, but letting them in, letting them get close, was veering dangerously close to that specific ‘hug’ territory like he and his parents had.

Before John could explain that in a child-friendly way, and hopefully in a way where the too-smart-for-his-own-good kid couldn’t pick up on the hidden message, Alan looked him directly in the eyes and confidently signed his wants, Can we do this more often? Can we?

Just like that, John’s mind blanked. Alan wanted to do something with him. Not swim with Gordon, not music with Virgil, not do, well, anything with Scott, Allie found something that he would like to do with John.

Huh, interesting, “Yeah, sure. If we can’t do it in the next week, then the first thing we’ll do when I come down is stargaze, because that’s what it’s called: stargazing.”

Alan started gripping his arm tighter and leaned more into his chest, nodding vigorously at the news and looking back to the sky with newfound wonder. Letting Alan be, abruptly forgetting his grievances with things like touch, John went back to his telescope. After another minute or so, John reached a point where he needed both sides of his body, except it looked like one of them was going to be kept immobile unless the spaceman said something to Alan.

John tried doing just that, just without looking away from his device, “Hey, Allie, I don’t mind the sitting-in-my-lap and stuff, but I do need my arm back to--”

Snoring.

Oh.

Jerking his head to physically look at his sibling, John found Alan passed out and squeezing his arm like a freckled koala bear. The ginger flinched a little bit at the drool dripping onto his sleeve, but the way Allie melted into him made him-- actually, he was very suddenly aware that this whole night he hadn’t really been thinking at all, and that thought made him continue to stare mindlessly at the dozing brother.

He always thought about, well, everything. What he was going to say, what he planned to do tomorrow, about what the future held now that they were down their second and last parent. If he didn’t think about it beforehand, he rarely did it. He had to make sure he went through all of his options before haphazardly jumping into the pits of hell.

Yet the way his younger brother looked at him like he was the world himself tonight made John throw all of his training to be as cautious as possible out the window in a need to comfort and care for the small thing in front of him.

It was shocking to his mind, yet he didn’t resent just being able to do without worrying too much. Was this how smother complexes started? Did he ever drool on Scott’s arm? Still staring at Alan, John’s mind continued to be robotic as he simply let his younger brother be and went back to his telescope. Alan had been needing to get a little more sleep lately anyway.

Yeah, it was fine. He could figure out how to follow up on his words later. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure out a way to squeeze Alan into some of his already-planned stargazing nights while making sure the kid still got sleep. Also, John’s used telescopes wearing a cast and sling before, he might prefer two arms, but he has been okay with only one.

If Grandma yelled at John for spending too much time on the roof again, well, she would have to get over it. Alan got an extra hour of sleep and that was all that mattered.

EOS watched as John finished the story. Once he was done, he continued to be quiet while grinning at nothing. All he was doing was simply staring at the floor… It was slightly creepy, and EOS cleared her nonexistent throat, “Huh, I didn’t realize he got a lot of his interests from you. Maybe… maybe you could show me why he did. He can too. More perspectives always get more data.”

John blinked and was immediately taken out of his trance. He brought his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat, “Yeah, he-- wait, what?”

EOS sighed. This is another reason why she snapped him out of it; his inability to listen to someone right in front of him. She simplified her words, “If Alan comes back, can you two take me stargazing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen what the stars look like down there, or, at least, I never looked at them long enough to understand what you all find to be so fascinating about them.”

John blinked a few more times with his mouth slightly gaped. He looked around nervously before bringing his turquoise eyes to look EOS directly in the middle of her camera, “Yeah, sure, EOS. When Alan gets back, that’s the first thing we’ll do.”

EOS didn’t mention anything about the correction of if to when, “Thank you, John, I would like that very much.”

John nodded and floated back to his tech, “Of course. Now then, we’ve got work to do. I’ve been meaning to stargaze recently anyway.”

He still had one more day up here.

And a baby brother who needed saving.

How hard could it be?

---

Very.

Growling in frustration, he thumped his fist against the wall next to him rather harshly.

Not enough to leave any kind of mark or dent, but enough for him to focus on the tiny amount of pain it gave him. He vaguely heard EOS’s lens flare at the sudden noise, but he was a little too focused on why he felt the need to hit his girl.

It was the end of the last day, and he didn’t make it any further like he thought he would.

Some bleak part of his mind was hoped, prayed that his girl would have the tools to find their baby brother. He was willing to bend her entire satellite to be able to reach the far ends of the galaxy if he had to, but even he had to concede that she wasn’t enough. The Hood wasn’t dumb, unfortunately, and he wasn’t going to go easy on them. That is if he was even going “to go” on them to start with.

While it wasn’t the first time he failed spectacularly, this failure certainly hurt the worst.

Half of him wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything for a moment (or maybe forever), but the other half won out in terms of what his body contorted into. Instead of curling up like a prickly hedgehog, he leaned backward to be floating with his back to the ground and his face to the ceiling with his face in his hands. Meanwhile, EOS silently gazed from her camera in the corner. Watching John struggle this way was… new, and it twisted her wires in a way she wasn’t sure she could describe.

EOS watched him mumble something. Huh, peculiar as ever. Adjusting her camera, she tried small talk, “What was that, John?”

Still mumbles, but more intelligible, “... I need to drop the ‘s’.”

A flicker of yellow, nothing but pure confusion for once in her robotic life, “The ‘s’ of what?”

Suddenly, the astronaut was standing (well, floating) upright with a look of disdain, but EOS could see that it wasn’t meant for her, “Of ‘she’. It’s not ‘Five’s fault, God, it never is, but maybe… maybe it’s mine.”

All of her programs should allow her to say something. Anything, sugarcoated or not, would be beneficial to this seemingly one-sided conversation, but this was the moment she learned that humans could be faster than computers since John steamrolled right to the point without hesitation, “He wasn’t good enough sounds better. Nothing I’m doing is getting any results. I gave my family false hope that I would find something and now I have to go to them and essentially break them. They were already barely holding it together as it was, but when the “smart one” in their family says there’s nothing he can do…”

She found herself going against the logical part of her program-- because despite the idiot John Tracy could be, when he made an argument that had any kind of evidence you never could go against it-- the first time in, well, ever, in an attempt to comfort her partner, “John… I think you’re grasping at straws here.”

He looked up from the floor, and EOS had to shrink her lens at the sight of unshed tears in his eyes, “Who was the one that called him?! Me! He was standing there only a few rooms over, probably terrified out of his mind, and I didn’t know. I let him slip between our fingers because I was so caught up in the moment and I hate myself for it.”

EOS found herself speechless for once, and the few droplets of tears that floated in front of John’s face didn’t help. She had been trying her best recently, especially recently, to understand the fluctuations of human emotion, and she was pretty sure she had decent tabs on at least John nowadays, but this was something unexpected, a thing her programming never really liked to deal with. It involved lots of new calculations and new sims, why, it made things seconds longer when they didn’t have the time to deal with it!

Her electronic voice box made a noise with the intent to say something, as she thought she finally had the time to deal with it, but just her luck, more unexpected things made her reapproach the issue at hand, “John, look out! The Chaos Crew!”

Blinking out of his self-deprecation train, John was uncharacteristically panicking, “What, where?” After doing a full 180, John eventually saw one of his comm radios with the familiar pink symbol floating above it.

John’s pupils shrunk and his eyebrows tilted downward in that unfamiliar emotion: anger.

Fuck this.

The mood change was as fast as the speed of lightning. John practically flung himself to the communication device on something akin to a warpath. No longer regretful or depressed, John was filled to the brim with fury at the sight of one of the men that was a constant thorn in the Tracy family’s side, “What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you--”

“Wait wait wait!” Fuse pleaded, making John momentarily pause enough to listen, “I’m not good at this like my sister is, so this connection is going to drop soon. I need you to reopen the line yourself so I can explain what I’m here for! Trust me, I swear I’m not--”

Zip.

Blinking at the lack of noise, John slowly turned his head to look at his A.I. to get her opinion on the matter. It wasn’t a positive one, that’s for sure. Her dots were bright red, and for the first time in a while, he found himself flinching at the sight and sound of her, “It wouldn’t take much of me to get rid of the nuisance, you know.”

Taking a few deep breaths, John shook his head, “No, EOS, give me a sec. Don’t send him careening into space.”

Yet.

With shaky hands, John did as Fuse begged and found the comm line the guy haphazardly threw together. Right as Fuse jumped at the sight of one of the Tracys actually hearing him out, John’s voice spoke coldly, “You have five minutes. Go.”

Fuse gulped, “W-Well, I suppose the first thing to do would be to apologize. I’ve caused a lot of messes for you and your family-- heh, ‘messes’ probably doesn’t even come close to explaining what I did-- and I realize that now, so I want to--”

Ah, that tactic. The one where they try so desperately to seem like they were repentant. John wasn’t familiar with it, but Scott sure was. Shady business owners trying to shy away from their consequences made the eldest very aware of how slimy those in power could be. Scott complained about it a lot, so John made sure to always remember it just in case he ever ran into it himself.

Preplanning wins again in the Tracy household. You should listen to John’s advice more, Gordon, “Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.” John muttered mostly to himself and moved in a way that signified something was going to happen.

Fuse sputtered and stopped immediately. Crap, he was going about this wrong. These were all things he was suddenly genuine about, he really was, but the Tracys didn’t want useless apologies at the moment, and he understood that. Hopefully, he didn’t understand it too late. Right before John could do anything to him or give any kind of command to his satellite, Fuse blurted the information he should’ve said the first place, “I know where he is!”

John felt like the Earth flew right off its axis.

Everything froze, including EOS. His hand was out in front of him for some reason, probably subconsciously reaching for some kind of button, as he absentmindedly listened to the whirl of ‘Five and his brain fully processed what Fuse was promising, “... What?”

John was keenly aware that sounding so weak, so hopeful, was something that Fuse could spinelessly abuse if the man wanted to, but John had a good lie detector. The words that fumbled out of half The Chaos Crew’s mouth were sounding good, great, and John could tell that he wasn’t bullshitting anything, “I know where he’s keeping your bro. I mean… shit, what The Hood did wasn’t right, maybe it never was, but I know this specifically is--” a break in his speech in an attempt to words things better. Fuse failed, “Bad. I just…”

John’s head involuntarily tilted at the way Fuse trailed off. For once in his life, John was at a loss. This was highly uncharacteristic from what John had seen of The Chaos Crew, and the astronaut was so flabbergasted he couldn’t even begin to come up with any possible ulterior motive behind Fuse’s actions at the moment.

Suddenly, Fuse looked back up with big eyes, almost reminding John of Alan a little bit. Not in the obvious ways, because Fuse was on the verge of seven feet tall and built like a truck whereas Alan was the teeniest thing on the planet, but… John could see similar traits of innocence in them. The eyes of someone desperately clinging onto the last few shreds of hope they had, but still ready to do what's right because of it. Because even if the light at the end of the tunnel was small it was still worth fighting for.

Fuse, seeing that John wasn’t going to say anything, bit the bullet, “I don’t know, call it selfish, call it smart, but if The Hood is willing to do something like this to someone so young, I… I don’t want to be apart of it. I can’t give any information about my sister, I’m no snitch, but I want out, even if it means spending the rest of my days in a GDF cell.”

John was suddenly aware of a burning question, “Wait, how old are you, Fuse?”

A tired sigh, aging Fuse to something that was probably three times what he was going to say, “I turn 20 in two weeks.”

John sharply inhaled, “Jesus, I… I didn’t realize you were that young.”

A lot of things made sense quickly and abruptly like they always do for the ginger.

If The Hood was willing to do this to someone so young, that didn’t stop him from doing this to someone like Fuse. The logical conclusion the now ‘ex-villain’ made probably danced the wildest jig in his head, and before anyone could clap their hands, he got as far away as possible. John wouldn’t be surprised if The Hood made idle threats for not following orders or for “being stupid”, so Fuse had every right to feel threatened.

Jeez, he was probably terrified at the implication. A dark, buried part of John selfishly thought good, it sucks you had to learn the hard way, but now you see why we all hate him, but the first thing that came to his mind was something unexpected yet expected all the same.

John was reminded of Alan again.

Except Alan had four older brothers to run to when the monsters got too big or too frightening.

…

Scott was going to kill him, “Park her over on the left and come in. We’ve got a lot to talk about. Bring inside whatever you think will help.”

EOS’s shrill John! ringed throughout the room, yet it was overruled swiftly. Fuse’s mouth was wide open, “For real?”

John couldn’t tell if he was losing the knots in his stomach or forming completely new ones, “Yes. Don’t do anything funny, though. I have eyes everywhere.”

Fuse gulped again, yet he was very business-like with his next words, “Of course.”

The line cut a millisecond before John wanted it to. John knew exactly why, “Listen, EOS--”

EOS was suddenly in his face, and it spoke miles at how far she’s come that she wasn’t blaring any alarms in anger, “No, you listen, John Tracy. I cannot believe the level of ignorance you are displaying!”

Gordon always joked about her being his daughter, but right now, John’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance at the feeling of being scolded by an overbearing mother, “I get this may seem like I’ve lost it--” jokes on EOS, who says he hasn’t at this point? “Listen, there’s nothing else left to go off of, and I know this makes me look like a crazy man desperate for information that might not even be there, but--”

“No buts!” EOS shrieked, “You told me that if you followed a sentence with a “but” that what you were about to say shouldn’t even be considered an option! What is making you throw all of my training out the window?!”

John’s mouth became very dry. This conversation was taking a very different turn, “Wait, EOS, why is this all about you suddenly--”

John was starting to regret giving her more mobility at the sight of her jamming her camera directly in his face even more, “It’s not just about me! This affects you too! You said you always based your decisions on the here-and-now, so I should too, so why am I the only one doing so?! You’ve seen what he’s capable of!”

John’s mind tended to be made of gears, and all of them began spinning at the same time. Dammit, he didn’t pick up on this because he didn’t even consider it a factor: EOS being scared. Hell, it wasn't even considered because the last time he remembered her being this scared was when she thought he was a threat during the first time they met (was it really that long ago?). She was scared that Fuse was going to hurt John like he hurt the rest of the astronaut’s family. Like he hurt Gordon.

The only difference is that nobody could get to John like they did Gordon, so that left the ginger at an impasse if the small chance that Fuse was here to hurt him came true.

John found it very hard to breathe all of a sudden. Closing his eyes and struggling to get enough air in, he realized a fundamental problem. EOS was based on data and things that have been recorded, and so far, the only things recorded about Fuse was that he was hellbent on hurting the Tracy family, a family that John was apart of.

She didn’t know any other way to feel about the guy, she didn’t have any other example.

John would love to be that way too, honestly, to just focus on the data. Numbers never tended to be wrong, and the idea of being a simple number-crunching bot would make life a shit-ton easier, but he can’t. He’s human. One that’s very much willing to go against the numbers and probabilities if it meant helping his family.

A rarity for John, to follow his gut and nothing else, but at the end of the day, he was a Tracy, and following his gut was as familiar to him as it was to name all of the immediate constellations in the summer’s nighttime sky, “EOS, I know it’ll be hard to believe me, hell, I’m having trouble believing myself, but Fuse isn’t here to hurt me. The here-and-now is different for reasons I don’t have enough time to properly explain, okay? If there’s anything to believe, believe in the trust you have in me to make the right decision like I always do.”

EOS made no noise, not even a flicker of her lens. He expected her usual sass, something along the lines of, Who says I trust you, moron? but what he got punched away what little air he managed to collect, “... Do you promise?”

That was the million-dollar question. Of course, he couldn’t. He didn’t like making promises after the age of 12. Too many probabilities, too many what-ifs, made promises somewhat of a theoretical impossibility. But just like that night on the roof with Alan, John was able to not think, “I promise, EOS. You wanted to go stargazing with me and Alan, right? Fuse might be able to let us do that again.”

‘Family’ was a Wild Card. Nothing was possible, yet everything was at the same time when it came down to it. ‘Family’ was what made Scott go from day to day without keeling over. ‘Family’ was what got Virgil to sleep at night when he just couldn’t by himself. ‘Family’ was how Gordon managed to keep smiling and joking despite everything in the world trying to make him stop. Hell, ‘Family’ was how their father kicked the word impossible right in the groin and live.

‘Family’ might have been why Alan was stuck in such a shitty situation, but it was also the reason the kid was willing and able to go that far in the first place. He learned that selflessness from his ‘Family’, after all.

John was intent to use that fact to the fullest.

EOS’s lights blinked in contemplation before she quietly spoke once more, “Do I have permission to shock him if he makes even the slightest suspicious movement?”

John rolled his eyes yet grinned all the same, “Sure, only just a little voltage, though. Right in the ass. Would be a nice pick-me-up after all of this.”

Well, despite the year they’ve had, John wasn’t aware EOS could snort. Another sign things might be going right for once.

The door swwwshed open and Fuse floated into where the two hyper-intelligent beings were hanging about and got straight to the point, “Thank you. I hope… I hope I don’t let you down.”

John found himself light as air, and it wasn’t just the zero-gravity this time, “Sounds good. Let’s get cracking.”

While the first thing he did back on Earth was scare his father and his immediate younger brother shitless, the way they and the rest of the family lit up at the plan he and Fuse came up with (after making sure nobody killed the dude, which was surprisingly more difficult than expected, and boy was it expected) made it all worth it.

Well, maybe the sight of Fuse occasionally jumping and yelping at a strange pinch in his bottom with no known cause was worth it too. John wouldn’t tell his brothers that, though, he was the responsible one, remember?

You always made me look at things differently, EOS. Thank you.

#fabfivefeb #fabfivefeb2020 #thunderbirds #thunderbirds are go #john tracy #alan tracy #eos #fuse thunderbirds #jeff tracy #my post #my fic #series: rules of alchemy

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viktormaru · 5 years

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okay here’s my full character analysis??? Headcanons???? canon retelling with my shit slapped on??? on

VIKTOR LEAGUE OF LEGENDS

(under read more cause its gonna get long)

Viktor is said to be born in the borders of the Entresol level of Zaum (aka the middle), but I’m guessing that means the lower border because of how often he’d have to move or stay away from home due to accidents.

I assume Viktor had good parents. They were artisans and seemed to encourage his creative pursuits with robotics and so on. (I also believe he is trans and that his parents supported him in that as well haha).

So yes, we have this child who likes building things. And he lives in this place that is not healthy or safe for the people that live there. His parents probably go to the upper levels to work and Viktor gets a glimpse of a better place there. He sees where he’s at and at first, he is motivated by both kindness and frustration. He is a child with a passion and all these leaks and accidents are getting in the way! So he starts studying to see what he can do. Time passes though and he realizes the extent of those things, the casualities of those humam errors. So he takes his work more seriously and soon he is producing results. But of course no one takes a teen seriously, no matter how good he is.

Until someone does and it works. His inventions are good! So he keeps doing it! He’s awkward and socially anxious but he really LOVES building things so he does it and sells his work to the factories until he gets the attention of the Zaun academy of techmaturgy (this is canon btw).

He goes into the academy and he’s.... awkward... Like, Zaun is full of weird people sure but Viktor is pretty bad at talking about anything but robotics and stuff and comes off as blunt often, so he’s kinda isolated by his peers. He doesn’t mind, he’s there to study. But professor stanwick approaches him with interest in his work and Viktor is happy he is recognized by a professional. He’s a little naive back then and trusts his teacher a lot. Which is why he is convinced to move to Piltover, despite a bit of his reluctance to leave his home. His parents wave him goodbye and he leaves.

He moves to Piltover and gets a better lab, more tools, more money and more people to help. His work just improves in time and he’s put to work with a lot of people. He once again fails incredibly of socializing properly and falls into isolation yet again (hello darkness my old friend). People end up working with him either because he’s really the best option or because they can stand him for the time he is needed {:- (

Well, that is, until he works with Jayce. Jayce is infurating and doesn’t do things the way Viktor likes doing and has this weird outlook on how things are done that sometimes just works despite it all. He’s a puzzle that doesn’t make sense and the two end up doing a lot of things together. And having a lot of discussions. A LOT of them. They are both kinda lonely. But its like.. they don’t dislike eachother?? Because they kind skipped some steps in how socializing usually goes so it just kinda worked.

They could’ve kept going, getting comfortable in eachother’s spaces until they could just go out to chill together or something but neither of them was brave enough to try it (or smart enough to realize that could be good).

But then at this time that awful chem spill happened in Zaun in the entresol level and Viktor rushes home to help.

I’d say this is where Viktor’s character starts like, solidifying I guess? Because I think for the first time, as a grown mature person, Viktor is seeing death and suffering with his own eyes. Death and suffering that could’ve been avoided. He’s watching all these people die and suffer and he can only do so much to repair the damage. If only it could’ve been avoided, could’ve been stopped. He knows it’s possible. Why didn’t anyone do it?

He doesn’t find his parents either.

So he spends the next several months throwing all his energy and sanity into doing whatever he can to help these people. He builds blitzcrank and they fix evertyhign they can. It’s a fucking CHEM spill, can you imagine just how AWFUL it all was?? people were dying for several weeks after the accident , even after the damage to the structures were already fixed. These people were slowly suffering around him and he was trying and they kept dying around him. These are workers, families. It’s a pretty bad situation.

He learnes how to infuse mechanical parts with flesh in an astonishing way just to try to replace the rotten, sick parts of the people around him. Get rid of the parts that were kiling them.

And then! He finally goes back to Piltover, after it all, and the first thing he gets is the news that Stanwick stole credits on his invention of Blitzcrank.

Like.. the emotional toll of it all? He’s tired! He’s burdened with the ammount of death he saw and people wanna be shitty and play games like that for glory and fame! It’s stupid and he doesn’t understand it! He tries to fight for his right and loses because no one really bothered to support him through it (Jayce didn’t think he’d really have to and would you look at that).

He’s angry and upset and grieving and possibly traumatized. He keeps wondering why would people do that to eachother and comes up empty. So he’s here, obsessing with replacing every part of human error to garantee that people WILL live. Of course, he’s more isolated then ever and people don’t bother to sit down and listen, they just think he’s weird and obsessed and stuff like that.

So when he needs to do the colaboration on the dive suits with Jayce and they have their fight about free will, people side with Jayce quickly. They think Viktor is mad and they had seen it coming miles away.

He gets fucking expelled from the Piltover academia and sent back to Zaun.

To his ruined home, alone, with nothing but his name and his thoughts.

Clearly that leads him into a deep depression. After all, he lost everything but he doesn’t understand why ! because sure these people in piltover like acting high and mighty and theorizing and politicizing but they didn’t have to watch children crying because they were coughing so much blood was coming out because their lungs were corroded and they wouldnt last another week. They thought viktor was mad.

And viktor had a lot of time to wallow over it, and think about his failures and suffer on his own and he’s actual conclusion is that negative emotions ( envy, pride, sadness) clouded people’s judgemetns. They’d let others suffer for their own gain out of fear of losing.

He thought that himself feeling sadness was just another obstacle to do what he had to: save people.

So he basically starts operating on himself until he can barely feel emotions anymore, removing his own happiness with it (but its not like he felt it anyway so what difference did it make). And then he starts plunging into work like never before, dedicated to this new cause that is the glorious evolution. He starts again from the bottom and once again he rises, because Viktor is a genious, and he is honest in his work, in his intentions. He wants to help.

People were scared of the Mad Man Viktor, but Viktor would do anything he could to save you if you came to him. He understood limits though, he never imposed over people. Do no harm, as they say ( what would be the point of doing that?? )

And then the other toxic even happens in Sump, another really bad one, and Viktor rushes in to help. He’s keeping these people alive in his lab but he knows he doesnt have the power to keep them so. So he goes to Jayce after an energy source.

He thinks Jayce will listen to him now, now Viktor isn’t emotive and easily hurt, now he isn’t insecure, he has a cause, he has something he fights for. A brighter tomorrow.

And Jayce calls him mad.

Viktor is kind of dissapointed, he’d think Jayce, who has always been so uncaring of people’s opinion’s would at least try to understand. He doesn’t. So he takes the crystal by force from Jayce (petty arguments can be saved for later, those people on his lab needed him NOW).

When Jayce follows him there with a hammer he understands the stakes.

One life against hundreds is an easy math. Viktor chooses to sacrifice Jayce (Jayce chose to come here after all)

But then Jayce actually destroys his lab.

And like... imagine waking up to your laboratory destroyed, just dozens of corpses of innocent people laying around. yet another failure, yet another big price to pay.

He has to start from zero again. His reputation is completely stepped on ( he is truly crazy now by everyone’s eyes) and Jayce is a hero. Blitzcrank sticks around for a little while, moved by the same passion to help people, but blitzcrank can stand the deaths and the gruesomeness of viktor’s work, he leaves to try to help in other ways. Viktor lets him of course, blitz has free will and he isn’t anyone to stop him.

Some people, desperate people, still come to him for help. He does his best to give them what they need. A strange cult forms and idolizes him, he hates it, he is no god, he is just another man. People thinking of him as an etheral being just proves his theory on how fear and wayward emotions lead to dumb, dangerous mistakes.

In the end, Viktor is trying to cheat suffering, cheat death at all costs.

I don’t believe he sent any golems or anything after Jayce, vengence is way too beneath him. Stealing? Maybe not, depends. I think Jayce became a bit paranoid after “defeating” viktor. Because Viktor said some big words and Jayce is suddenly realizing that truly, he has no purpose. He’s just a useless tool. He makes things sure, but what for? He’s raised as a hero but damn he doesn’t feel like it.

And to end it all, this is why I think Ekko and Viktor should sit down and chat at some point. They are so similar and so different all at once. They both love Zaun and its people, they both wanna protect them and have a passion for inventing. But while Viktor wants to reject his human side to achieve his goals, Ekko embraces it. Like, I don’t think Viktor shouldn’t even be his mentor, more like his colleague. Ekko is his own person and has a different way of doing things, but they could do a lot together as well.

Also Ekko and Blitz are totally friends in canon so like.. yeah.. Zaun for life....

Anyway this is it thank tou all for reading this is UUUH like 1,8k words long

extras or stuff I already said and will say again:

viktor is trans

he was an anxious yet hopeful (and maybe a bit naive) teenager

he still loves sweet things and thats canon.. he likes chilling sometimes

workaholic as seen

blames himself for literally everything like a dumbass

is kinda of very afraid of death in general

is not the kind of person that steals children to experiment on them cmon guys thats propaganda

is embarrassed of the cult following him

i guess he doesnt have his whole left arm anymore, chop chop it went

USED braces as kid

loves blitzcrank like a son, doesnt realize it

I think thats all, sorry yall

#league of legends #viktor #VIKTOR META #sdfjiusdfjsdf yea i wrote this nonstop forgive me

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undertale-anomaly20 · 5 years

Text

Sooner or later you're gonna be mine x chubby! Reader

Chapter 1: The waitress and the mobster

Oh God, I was hearin da rumors, but I didnt believe hed actually do it. As if our town wasnt a big miserable wasteland of violence, misery and murder already, now hes actually welcomin their kind into it as well.

Frisk paused, her hairbrush in mid-stroke, as she heard the piano man grumble crudely under his breath. She hadnt sang in this club before and truth be told, it didnt have a great dressing room for performers to get all dolled up as many owners put it, so Frisk took it upon herself to dress up in the ladies bathroom.

After putting on her shimmery low-cut baby-blue dress and applying all that heavy makeup to her face, she exited the bathroom, leaving her aftershow clothes in one of the broken stalls and began brushing her hair on stage. It didnt take much to style it, which was one of the main reason why Frisk had cut it short into a bob hairstyle. One less stupid thing she had to worry about before she got on stage. Just brush it till it looks neat, put a flower in it and the crowds still think you look like a million bucks.

Not that Frisk cared too much about what her fans thought of her. All she wanted to do was sing, get paid and go home before she saw another fight break out between the members of her audience. Gang members erupting into violent and bloody fights in the middle of her songs were becoming more and more common over the last few months. And what were these fights over? Anything really. Gang members entering other gang territory, drug deals gone bad, gun deals wrong horribly bad. It didnt matter. The result was always the same: somebody would be leaving in a body bag.

Frisk hadnt gotten used to it, but she had definitely become quicker with dodging flying bullets and pieces of furniture that came her way.

She tried to deny it when she was younger, but now it was obvious. Her once pretty city was quickly sinking into corruption thanks largely to the mob groups that were overtaking large areas of her city. The dons and high-class mobsters ran everything from the small mom and pop stores to the police force. Even the citys officials were nothing more than corrupt individuals in nice suits with clean smiles. The good decent poor folks suffered the most, having to pay out protection fees but there were always ways to make money.

Everybody had a price. Everybody could endure or change themselves for money. Frisk knew. To her despair, she watched a number of her long-time friends get lost in the world of easy money and quick deaths. She had been to more funerals than birthdays parties this year alone. She could never blame them though.

Well everybody except her sister, (name).

(name) was one of the only people she could really trust and was one of the few people uncorrupted by this hell hole of a city. As children the both of them knew nothing but love and kindness with (name), being older by a few years, looking after her and protecting her even as the years had gone by she never stopped standing up for her and always flashing that big beautiful smile telling her 'it's gonna be ok' even if everything wasn't.

Frisk smiled at the though of her sister being there for her every step of the way in her life a little anoying but what was she to do (name) was very stubborn her big (eye colour) eyes that still held a little glimmer like she did when she was younger, her long thick (hair colour) hair that always seemed to shine no matter what the lighting was, her (skin colour) skin that alway had one or two burise on it and her body was alwasy as plump and smooth as ever. not to say her sister was overweight drastically but she tended to look down on herself at her body shape, even though she was what the pigs f this city considered 'fat' she had her curvy outline a bit, she had a bit above average size bust, plump lips and a big behind.

The world was going through a depression after all. And Frisk herself was not exactly a wealthy professional singer. Right now her gigs were seedy clubs with even seedier owners, whose businesses reeked of cigar smoke and strong booze and no matter how many times Frisk showered the smell seemed to linger.

And her nightly audiences were the lowest class of criminals. Not that Frisk judged on them on poverty levels. In fact, most of the best people she knew were struggling to get by. But when it all came down to the wire a rich mobster was just as bad as his poor lackey. Both types murder for money and power and both types will harm the innocent to get what they want.

Frisk really needed to get out. She just hadnt saved enough money yet. She may have been a popular singer in these types of bars, but the pay wasnt great. She made just enough to pay for her crappy apartment, her bills and the protection fee her local police force demanded of its residents.

The piano man saw her baffled look and pulled back the curtain even further so she could get a good look at her audience for the night.

She squinted through the cigarette smoke that lightly covered the many faces of her audience and tried to see what he was moaning about.

Look at the last table in the back. Youll see what Im talking about, toots.

Frisk did and gasped aloud. The piano man chuckled, letting her know she was indeed seeing what she was thought she was seeing.

Seeing Don Dee was a shock in itself. Even small fish like Frisk knew who he was just by looking at him. A top dog, a big shot, a huge fish...and the fact that he was sitting in this piece of shit of a bar was astounding in itself. The man was known for class and expensive taste. The suit he was wearing outshined all the cheap ones that almost all the other club patrons were wearing.

But the don being here wasnt the most shocking part. The most shocking part was his companion. The gentleman sitting beside the Don was...not from the city to say the least. And if he had entered the club by himself, he would have been killed instantly. But sitting with the Don made him untouchable. In fact, most patrons were going out of their way not to stare at him.

Say, is he- Frisk began, but stopped when the musician laughed again.

Yep. The Don himself is invitin monsters in the operation now. Can you believe that, toots? Disgustin monsters. Pfft...hes makin a mistake is what hes doin. Gonna lose all that respect. Monsters..Now this town really has sank as low as it can go.

Frisk frowned at his choice of words, and the effect they had on her, but continued to stare, even though she felt a little bad doing it. both her and (name) knew that people who differed from theri own race and in this case species shouldnt be stared at like they were some kind of spectacle, but Frisk really couldnt help herself.

Sure she heard all about the monsters that lived in the neighboring cities miles away from her own, and sure she knew they looked different from humans and their customs and politics were worlds apart from human, but to actually see one was...well it was something that deserved a second glance.

He was a massive monster. He was taller than any human Frisk had ever seen and he was wide too. Not fat, but there was no denying how incredibly powerful he looked. He made the Dons bodyguards look like little boys.

And his suit was even more impressive than the Dons if that were possible. His jacket, fedora hat and trousers were black, while his waist coat was an eye-catching red. Frisk wasnt too fond of that color, unless it was on her sister, but she had to admit the monster had style. A fat cigar was in his teeth and the smoke coming from it was strange. It wasnt gray smoke. It was red smoke and curled in unusual designs before it disappeared.

But his size and clothing were nothing compared to what he actually looked like. He had a huge smile on his face and despite the dimmed lights, Frisk saw a glimmering gold tooth flashing in his mouth every time the skeleton turned his head.

Out of the corner of her eyes she caught the flash of pink in the light and turned her attention towards the colour to see it was a pink heart hair pin. only one person she knew had that pin and it just so happened to be her sister that was the owner of said pin. her sister was wearing the standered waitress uniform aswell as having her hair tied into a high bun with the exeption of a few strands that fell in front of her face with that sweet smile on her face but Frisk knew it was fake she knew her sister hated dealing with these 'murdering pricks' as (name) liked to call them but they both needed the money and even with friks singing it's not enough.

Frisk watches her sister carrying a tray of alcohol towards Don Dees table. her heart practically stopped in worry for her sister as she watched her place the glass fill with the nasty brew in front of the don and a nother in front of the monster before walking away.

Damn freak, the piano man muttered and lowered the curtain.

Before the cheap bright red curtain could blocked her view, Frisk felt her heart jump in her throat. At the last second the skeleton turned his head to look where her sister was who, in turn, was looking back at him.

He took the cigar out of his mouth with two of his large bony fingers and winked at her. (name) quickly turned away with her head down before the curtain fell into place. That look...Frisk didnt understand why his friendly little gesture towards her sister sent a cold chill down her spine, but she tried to quickly dismissed it.

It doesnt matter, she thought to herself. Im sure (name)s not gonna talk to him if she can help it.

The piano man sat down at his piano, cracking his fingers and looking at Frisk. She hated the way his eyes wandered from her face and rested on her breasts. She glared at him, covering her chest with her arms. The man just shrugged coolly, completely unbothered.

Hey, I aint touching em toots. No law against lookin.

both her and her sister needed to get out of this city. Go somewhere nicer where smoke from cigarettes and guns didnt greet them every second of everyday. Where people actually cared if another person was killed. Maybe when she had enough saved up she could move to the country and where her sister wouldn't come home with brusies and bruised knuckles every week and that painful look in her eye that tells her 'I can't keep this up for much longer' as happy as her sister tried to be she wasn't dumb (name) had the same attitude as Frisk toward the city folk who misreated her and gave them the same amount that they gave her, absolutly none. Maybe they could live in a pretty cottage and start a garden. She couldnt remember the last time she saw a flower growing outside and she doubt that (name) could either.

She smiled faintly. Her mother always talked about starting a garden when Frisk was really little and-

But going back to our conversation, the Don really is makin a mistake. As soon as we let one monster in, more are gonna come. Just you wait. Im mean look at what happened when we started lettin the darkies in-

Frisk felt a shot of anger bloom in her chest.

Why dont you keep those disgusting thoughts to yourself and get ready for the show? Since the Don is here we cant afford you screwing things up. Word around the grapevine is that you arent the cream of the crop when it comes to playing that thing.

It was a lie of course. Frisk knew nothing about this man, but that didnt stop her from feeling a sort of smug satisfaction enter her as the piano mans face changed from cocky and arrogant to enraged and disgusted.

Goddamn, bleedin heart whore, he muttered loud enough for her to hear, but low enough so nobody else could here. You and your type are the reason why there are so much problems in this world. You treat the inferior a certain way and suddenly they start demandin to be treated that way by everybody…

Frisk smiled and continued brushing her hair, humming the songs she was going to sing for the audience tonight. It was always nice to be told that. Whenever somebody told her that or something similar to that, Frisk couldnt help but feel like she was more than just some seedy bar singer who sang for murderers and criminals.

The piano man and her didnt speak again and Frisk continued to brush her hair until the audience started to quiet down.

Showtime , Frisk thought grimly, no longer excited about being on stage.

The curtain parted and the horrible spotlight that hit her was nearly blinding, but before she could adjust to it, the piano started playing.

She sang the first song with ease and much to her disappointment the piano man didnt make one mistake. Guy knew his instrument. Too bad he was a racist prick.

For the most part, Frisk and (name) loved musicians. All that passion being played through their fingers or mouths and whenever either of them spoke to them they always wanted to be something more than what they were. Just like her, they dreamt of getting out of the city and being somewhere safe and pretty.

At one point when Frisk was younger and still wanted to make singing her lifes career she would dream of marrying a gentle musician. The two of them would become famous and sing at only the best clubs and have children who loved music and would sing and play too and-

Frisk never would have thought in a million years that she would grow to hate the talent she once cherished. The spotlight was always too bright, the places always reeked of blood and booze and the applause was laced with lewd comments about her body.

(name) had a more possible dream. As a child all she wanted was to settle down with a man and have children who she would sing lullabys to and fill her home with music and love but as she grew her body changed and her heart sank further down at every negative comment made her way.

She was too weak for this city. She knew, but thankfully none of these cruel people knew it. Her dad once told her that if you show any weakness to people like mobsters and criminals they would eat you alive. She had no doubt he had been correct. when Kailyn was told this she pu all her energy into making sure none of these corrupted bastards could do a damn thing to her sister.

Frisk longed for the day where her and (name) would sing for hours on end with smiles in their hearts, laughing at everything but the thing Frisk missed most was her sisters singing. Frisk knew as a child her sister had the better voice andbut she didn't mind if anything she worked hard to be just like her but this damn cities corrupted men and women with there words of hate and jelousy...(name) had done her best to protect Frisk from those words but she, herself, had been exposed to those words for too long and all those negatice comments about her apperance, as if there was anything wrong with how she looked, got to her making her do what those bastards wanted her to do.

Shut up.

After her first song ended, the applause was loud and hard. Frisk forced a smile on her face and blew a kiss into the crowd.

Now adjusted to the blinding light she looked at her audience her sisters face smiling up at her was one of the first she saw. Gray smoke blurred their faces but almost instantly her eyes were drawn to the skeletons red smoke. She looked at him and the look he was giving back to her nearly took her breath away. It was so intense. So...extreme and he never looked down or away from her.

Even when the Don was talking to him quietly about whatever crime-ridden business they had together, the skeleton would respond but never break his gaze away.

Frisk swallowed before she spoke.

Such a lovely crowd here tonight and I would like to take this opportunity to personally thank Mr. Dee for honoring me with his presence and tolerating my cat-screeching I like to call singing.

A rough round of laughter and applause reached Frisks ears. The old Don waved to the crowds and then offered her a wave as well. Forcing back the vomit and physically battling with herself to keep her smile on her face, Frisk blew a kiss directly at the old man who had killed so many people whether they were guilty or innocent. Whether they were a part of his gang or an innocent bystander.

We really need to get out of this town' Frisk thought as she began her next song.

She almost messed up a few of her notes. That skeletons red eyes had gone black as soon as she blew that kiss to the Don and she was having trouble focusing until she looked to her sister, who was on break watching her with that big ole smile she loved, then it seemed easier to sing knowing her sister could sit and watch like she did when the were children

don't worry sis, for once, I'm gonna be the one to save ya'

_____________________________________________________________________

(name)s side

(name) watched as the partons of the bar laughed to each other some of them were good people others not so much. there were those who were friendly, kind and nice those were the rare patrons that popped in once in a while and then there were the assholes hat showed up every god damn day and the degrading remarks they make at her or behind her back annoyed her more often than not but the lewd and disgusting remarks and cat calls they directed towards her younger sister made her blood boil.

oh how she wanted to bash them all over the head with their bottles but she knew better if she acted upon her wishes not only would it cost her the job she worked hard to get it would cost Frisk her job. she just smiled sweetly and agreed with the patrons to keep them happy no matter how much it sickened her to do so.

"hey doll! go another order for ya!" (name) turned to her boss ready to retreive her latest order just as she was about to reach for it she notied her boss looked nervous but why? this man is the most intimidating person she knows that is a good person at heart he's aken on multiple drunken patrons at once so what could sacre this man so bad that he was white as a ghost then it clicked only one person in the bar currently that would reduce this man to a fearful state like this was Don Dee.

(name) tried to keep calm and remembered why she worked here. for Frisk her baby sister she picked up the tray with both hands and made her way to the table. sure don dee made her nervous who wouldn't be around a man that could kill you with but a wave of his hand but once she was nearing the table her eyes weren't on the don but on the monster that sat nex to him.

He was a massive monster. He was taller than any human (name) had ever seen and he was wide too. Not fat, but there was no denying how incredibly powerful he looked. He made the Dons bodyguards look like little boys and his suit was even more impressive than the Dons if that were possible. His jacket, fedora hat and trousers were black, while his waist coat was an eye-catching red. Frisk wasnt too fond of that color, but she had to admit the monster had style. A fat cigar was in his teeth and the smoke coming from it was strange. It wasnt gray smoke. It was red smoke and curled in unusual designs before it disappeared.

But his size and clothing were nothing compared to what he actually looked like. He had a huge smile on his face and despite the dimmed lights, (name) saw a glimmering gold tooth flashing in his mouth every time the skeleton turned his head. In all honesty (name) thought the monster had some sort of charm to him shaking her head she made it to the table and placed the disgusting brew in front of the don making sure to smile sweetly then moved onto the monster. oh how she hated how people used that word as an insult spitting it out of their mouths like it was venom but what could you do she placed the small glass in front of him and smiled walking away she didn' make it that far before she felt eyes on her.

she turned around to meet the monsters red eye light gaze they were mesmorising, beautiful even, she felt like she couldn't look away he took the cigar out of his mouth with two of his large bony fingers and winked at her. (name) quickly turned away with her head down embarassed at being caught then sat down calling for her break.

Frisk scurried off stage after she finished her songs, pausing only briefly to wave at the handsome jazz band that was scheduled to play right after her. They returned the wave and started to do some playful and very cute cat-calling that wasnt lewd or vulgar at all her eyes soon found her sister waiting for her with her duffle bag in hand looks like she finished early.

both girls smiled to themsleves as they entered the empty bathroom, all the women in the audience have been waiting for that jazz band to play. They were becoming very popular and no doubt would make it big, and Frisk went into the broken stall where she left her clothes while (name) went into one of the wrking ones to change

Still some good guys out there' Frisk thought as she took off her painfully tight blue dress and put on her more preferred one. The fabric of her baggy blue and pink sweater dress was a warm and welcomed change from the dress she just had on.

She stuff the blue dress in her purse without a care and walked out of the stall to meet up with (name) who was wearing a baggy dress sweater and long skirt.

(name) turned around and snorted "tryin to give clowns a run for their money, sis?" she joked. Dont get it wrong, Frisk didnt mind some make-up every once in awhile, but the rouge on her cheeks was too bright. Her blue eye-shadow was too heavy and her red lipstick was too much. But thats the club owners always wanted. Thats what the men in her audience wanted.

With a frustrated growl she turned on the sink, took a handful of soap, mixed it with water and began scrubbing her face viciously. We need to get out of here, Frisk thought of the millionth time as she continued to scrub her face until her skin turned red while (name) brushed out her long hair from its up do taking out each pin and tie in it. "great job as always with the singin' sis. practically had the attention of everyone in the room" Frisk smiled at her sisters compliment "thanks but...it would have been better if you were up there with me" (name) sighed "sorry but no it's been too long and I'm the waitress you're the singer"

Niether of them heard the bathroom door open so when they heard the heavy footsteps they turned towards the noise The soap and water dripped from Frisks face and onto her dress as she stared at the massive skeleton who was blocking the exit as well as (name) moving the hair from her eyes. Frsik didnt even realize her mouth was open until the taste of bitter and slippery liquid soap burned her tongue. She quickly closed her lips and backed away from the skeleton.

His hands were in his pockets as he looked (name) up and down, his smile growing by the second. His gold tooth glittered menacingly against the bathroom lights. He took a step towards them.

No...please Frisk thought as she held her hands up in a weak attempt to create some kind of barrier between herself and the monster that was at least two heads taller than her while (name) took a step forwad ready to fight her eyes narrowed.

There was only one reason why a straight man would enter the womens bathroom and Frisk learned what it was when she first starting singing. The man who had attacked was big too. He had grabbed her and shoved her up against the stalls doors and would have done so much more if it hadnt been for a (name) looking for Frisk. that was the day Frisk saw for the first time her big sisters anger in full force the anger in her eyes was just terrifying. blood flying, bloody fists the man left a bloody pulp as one of the women comming in to use the rest room ran to get security to "remove" the man while Frisk held onto her sister beggin her to stop that he had enough.

Frisk opened her mouth to scream for help, but the music from the jazz band blasted through the door, letting Frisk know that her chance for calling for help and actually having someone hear her was gone.

She looked up at him and tried to smile at him. She didnt know what she was gonna say to try and talk him out of the thing he was going to do to her. And through her mind-numbing fear she actually took a second to wondered how a skeleton could do something like that. But she wasnt curious enough to find out.

Look mister, I dont want any trouble-

Frisk stopped her sentence, groaning in fear as the skeleton took his hands out of his pockets and reached into his jacket.

"Frisk I think I left my purse behind the bar would you mind going and looking for it?"

To be continued....

(hey guys this took a lot of courage for me to post this. It's a more updated version than in quotev and watt pad just a few tweeks. I hope you all enjoy this and let me know in the comments how you feel about this)

#sansxreader #underfell #mafiafell #undertale #chubbyreader #sans #frisk #readerinseret #fell! sans #mafiatale #reader #xreader #comic

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esmiblood90irisglimmer · 5 years

Text

Say No To This (Eliza Version/Role-Reverse)

Disclaimers: LONG FANFIC!!!

Theodosia POV

Another warm summer night engulfed the city NYC where I began yawning and realizing it was already past ten o'clock. Deciding to wrap things up by going through one last files one last time before going home. Knowing Aaron would be worry sick that I stay longer at work than I’ve intentionally. Oh well, at least I can have my handsome holding me in his strong arms. Just thinking about me make me blush and giddy all shyly, which I know it’s stupid for a grown woman to be acting like a teenage girl again. Hey, that’s love for you especially being married to the man or women you’ve been for more than a decade. It’s a magical experience when you created the wondrous memories as a married couple. There’s going to be ups and downs and which is part of life and you just have to accept it. Even when you’re in complete denial. Which I could say for a certain I know that writing completely non-stop at the office next door.

You see, my old friend my dearest Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton is working her ass off to the brink of exhaustion. I worry about her but knowingly how stubborn and hard headed she can be sometimes. I often worry about her physical and mental state. I hope she doesn’t scare me like last month when she was buried alive under all those paperworks. That woman is seriously gonna give me a heart attack one these days. Anyway, as a good friend basically the mother friend of our group. I always tend to check up on her before leaving the office. Knowing that her answer will be that she’ll be spending another night here at the orphanage. I wasn’t going to argue with her about it but still at least take one day off. Then again it has taken her husband almost a decade to finally take a break from work. Well, like wife, like husband as some may say.

I see her with papers scatter around the desk with multiple profile of some the new orphanages we receive from other states. Lightly knocking on the door which caught Eliza attention which she given me her usual soft smile.

“Yes, Mrs. Burr. Is there anything you need?” she asks

“No, I’m letting you know that I’m heading home now. It’s already past ten o’clock so Aaron is probably worry sick about me”

Eliza chuckle lightly before understanding that Aaron is a bit overprotective of me but in a cute way. Deep inside her heart she was longing for the company of Alexander but he and their children were at Upstate. Apparently, visiting her father until catching up with Lafayette mid-way through the journey to South Carolina. They wanted surprise John with a visit of their own unannounced. I can understand her loneliness but she made the choice to stay behind for the orphanage and for me. We share our goodbyes before taking my leave as I left the door to be locked. Since I didn’t want any strangers or psycho manic having the intention to murder my innocent friend. Anyway, during my walk on the way I notice a tall male with a noticeable black eye. I whine on the inside feeling that he either got it from a bar fight or from his wife.

Domestic abuse isn’t uncommon sadly and seeing the abuse victim walking toward to our orphanage is heartbreaking but brave as well. What weird about him is that he’s wearing a large black hat with a long black coat. Perhaps to cover the bruises and the scars he received from his spouse. But that one thing stood out from his outfit was a tight red shirt that would grasp on his muscular chest. Ignoring my appearance despite me waving at him to be polite but I didn’t care. He continue to walk toward the direction of the orphanage before looking at the window in which located Eliza office. It made my heart skip a beat just for a moment but there wasn’t I couldn’t do since I’m off work.

Walking away from the scene as I pray deeply that this doesn’t become that I think would lead to. I hope that Eliza doesn’t do something stupid that would cost her marriage. Then again, our Lord works in mysterious ways than beyond our imagination. I simply shrug and ignore the tangles of knot that bewling with one gut to another.

Theodosia Sr

There’s nothing like summer in the city.

Someone under stress meets someone looking sexy

There’s trouble in the air, you can smell it

And Eliza is by herself....

I’ll let her tell it

Eliza POV

I was left alone in this semi-huge orphanage just by myself working on each of the children files. Just the ones that I’m assign to but that wasn’t enough. By that, I mean the only ones here are the servants on night shift. They look after the kids making they’re sleeping peacefully. Or looking after the ones that were deeply sicks and so they manage their medication from here and there. Sighing to myself out of despair as I thought about my darling Alexander and my friendly Lafayette. They decided to go Upstate in order to visit my father since the children dearly misses him. Along with the midsummer is when they’re going to visit Laurens in South Carolina since it been so long since they last met. Mulligan is going to meet on the middle part of the journey since it would be nice to create a surprise visit for John. It’s nice to know that they all have each others but Angelica and I are separated from miles apart. Not to mention...I lost Peggy from the war after she was shot..from a signal gunshot wound. Sacrificing her life for an innocent child that had nothing to do with it. Except being a daughter of a sl....I can’t bring myself to say it. But yes, that event change me and Angelica a lot especially toward my father who clearly cherish her since she is one of his beloved daughters.

Leaving behind her husband and beautiful son behind but we still visit them but enough of the depress thing. I harshly rubbed my eyes as I been here at my office for a week. Brushing my fingers into my semi greasy hair and thought I should go home as well. Packing my things up as I thought about Alexander just holding in his arms. As we share the bed we slept in together. Or having Lafayette just escorting me around the city while trying to make me laugh. His corny jokes somehow manage to make me laugh from here and there. Just would’ve been nice to have one of them here by my side. Until I heard a knock from downstairs.

Eliza

I haven’t slept in a week

I was weak, I awake

When I’m alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall

Longing for Lafayette, Missing my Alexander

I heard a knock on the door, I knew it wasn't my husband That’s when Mister James Reynolds walked into my life He said:

Walking downstairs before opening the door to see a tall man with a large black hat and long black coat. Quite an odd outfit but I brush it off. I notice the black eye on his face which aches my heart. Knowing that this black eye must’ve come from his abusive spouse. I offer him some tea as we discuss in the living room before introducing himself to be Mr. James Reynolds. Which he announce his reasonings of why coming to the orphanage so late at night.

James Reynolds

I know you are a woman of honor

I’m so sorry to bother you at home

But I don’t know where to go

And I came here all alone...

Eliza:

He said...

James Reynolds

My wife been doing me wrong

Beating me...

Cheating me...

Mistreating me...

Suddenly, she up and gone

And, I don’t have the means to go on

I felt extremely upset to know about this poor going through an abusive marriage. Not to mention that he has a young daughter only about five years old. Wondering how could I help this man and his daughter as well. Giving me the facts that she comes and goes from three days to weeks, lead to months from on end. Decided to give him some extra crash that I’ve stock away in her desk drawer. Pulling out approximately about thirty bucks which is quite a lot back then. Thirty bucks could’ve equivalent to like a hundreds. Then again it’s the 1700s, so it wasn’t an issue trying to store a few extra cash. Giving, Mr. Reynolds the money to see that he’s very grateful that anyone would loan him such a large amount of money. Wiping the tears of joy away before leaning his arm to hold onto. Well, I didn’t see a problem for a woman to escort a find young man home.

Eliza:

So I offered him a loan, I offered to walk him home, he said

James Reynolds:

You’re too kind mam

Eliza

I gave him thirty bucks that I have stock away

He lived a block away, he said:

James Reynolds:

This one’s mine, mam

Surprisingly the the orphanage isn’t that too far off from where Reynolds live at. Then again, he live only a block away so it was only a short ten minutes. I would stand outside just letting the kind man to enter inside his house safe and sound. Hopefully, his wife is either asleep or isn’t home at the moment which brought a tight knot in my stomach.Then, i could go home and take a long hot bath and probably take the day off tomorrow. Since I haven’t slept nor bathe in a week. So, I probably smell very sticky which isn’t very ladylike of me. Turning away as I started to walk in the direction of where my home was. About to take my leave I felt James hand grabbing my own with a light blush on his face. Veryly confuse, as I didn’t prepare myself of what was about to happen next.

Eliza:

Then I said, “well, I should head back home,” He turned red, He led me to his bed Place me between his legs and said:

James Reynolds:

Stay?

Eliza:

H...Hey...

James Reynolds:

Hey...

Not even knowing what just till the last second is when I’m between Reynolds legs. With his arms around my waist as I lay on top of his bare. Apparently, I must’ve believe that he unbutton his red shirt during the time I went blank. Feeling my entire body heating up and my face turning into cherry red. Wasn’t sure how I magically escape from the grasp of his arms but that wasn’t the case. As a married woman and Reynolds being a married man shouldn’t doing something so sinful. Not to mention, I have Alexander and can’t let myself be the one to break his heart. Reaching toward the door but before getting the grasp on the knob. Reynolds held me from behind just my heart accelerating and my body hitting once again.

Feeling his lips just leaving butterflies kissing across my neck to the my bare shoulders. Barely knowledge that this man has strip my dress off my body. Leaving me in my closet and others underclothing just leaving me to shiver. Turning me around as I face this man in the eyes but adirmating his bare chest. Lightly breathing heavily but soon I mentally slap myself. Telling myself that I have a husband and children nevertheless. This devilish man has this sinfully smirk as he place his chest just feeling his heart beating.

Eliza: That’s when I began to pray:

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

I don’t know how to

Say no to this

But my god, he looks so helpless

And his body’s saying “hell yes”

James Reynolds:

Whoa...

Eliza:

Lord, show me how to

Eliza/ Ensemble (Aka the fandom): Say no to this

Trying to put my dress back on and get the heck out there but Reynolds has other plans. Holding me closer to him as our lips were just meter aparts just barely brushing each others. The grids in my mind were grinding wildly just telling me “Get the hell out of there”. But I couldn’t feel my body, didn’t have the courage to pull away. That wasn’t the case...I didn’t want to push myself away from this find man. Turning my face away for a moment. Until, I felt him lifting my chin up just meeting my gaze to his before leaning. His lips against my own just made everything I have thought just few out the window. Before he lead me to the once again.

Eliza: I don’t know how to Eliza/ The fandom Say no to this Eliza: In my mind, I’m tryin’ to go The Fandom: Go! Go! Go!

Eliza: Then his mouth is on mine, and I don’t say…

Throughout the entire time I spent with this stranger of man just letting him pleasure. Just forgetting Alexander, Lafayette, Angelica, the kids. Basically just everyone I’ve ever knew as he and I done it in his bed. At his house, where his wife could’ve walk in on us but I didn’t care. I was alone and longing for companion. But my mind is screaming me with rage literally scolding for doing a cruel act. Letting myself get involved in adultery that I’ll soon regretted later on.

The Fandom:

No! No! Say no to this!

Third POV

Unaware by his wife adultery with another married man, Alexander Hamilton a proud father and helpless husband. Smiling happily while looking at the pendant that his late younger sister- in law, Peggy gave to him. It was originally a birthday gift but the widely woman decided to give this little gremlin as a wedding. Chucking by the memories of the late Peggy but blush while smiling a little. It was a picture of him and Eliza on their wedding day which brought warm memories to him. That day brought heartbreaks to both Lafayette and Laurens. As the French general has fallen deeply in love with Elizabeth Schuyler but given her up for his brother. While John is in love with his best friend but was already marriage and have a daughter of his own. Still, they wanted to see this Caribbean immigrant keeping a beautiful smile while basketing his love for Eliza.

The Hamilsquad has finally reunited after being seperated from the war for far too long. Which has been nearly a decade or more since the four men last saw each others. Apparently, Burr is suppose to meet up with the others at Lauren house but wasn’t able to at the last minute. As his daughter has gotten ill which is terrible for a child to be sick during the summer. Anyway, nearly getting side tracked as the four males were playing around with the children. Dancing with them, playing with them, and etc. As the children run around Alexander pull his pendant. Staring at the picture at his beautiful as he felt helpless once again after all these years during their marriage.

Alexander / The Fandom:

Helpless!!

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

Looking into your eyes

And the sky’s the limit

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

I’m helpless

(Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey)

Lafayette saw his brother smile weakly while spinning around like the lovesick puppy that Hamilton is. Walking away from the immigrant as the French male heart tighten a bit knowing fully well that Eliza will never be his. He has come to terms with it but still heartbroken after all these years. Now, married with another woman in France with children of their own. Yet, Lafayette still loves Eliza and that would never change. Even that meant marrying someone else. As one brother is smiling happily with hearts flying around him as the other brother was staring out the window. A single tear rolled down his caramel skin before brushing it away in order not to let others know.

Alexander/Lafayette

Will she ever be satisfied?

(Down for the count,

And I’m

Drowning’ in them)

She will never be satisfied

Back at New York is where both men were unaware that Eliza is sleeping with another married man. But also growing mutual feelings for him as well. As Eliza woken up from his bed in shock and disgusted with herself for letting this happen. Trying to break it off and made sure this was a one time only moment. Well ain’t that fantasy that Eliza suddenly ask for too much. As the guilt and regrets will arrive years later and she won’t even how the affair being leak out. Though she didn’t care and immediately left the house luckily, no one was around to started ridiculous gossip. Heading straight home to take a bath and sleep hopefully this is the final counter she’ll have with Reynolds. Or so she thought.

Eliza: I wish I could say that was the last time I said that last time. It became a pastime A month into this endeavor I received a letter From a Mrs. Maria Reynolds, even better, it said: Maria: Dear Madam, I hope this letter finds you in good health And in a prosperous enough position to put wealth In the pockets of people like me: down on their luck You see, that was my husband who you decided to Eliza: Shhhh—

A month past by and her affair with Reynolds continue and escalated to him spending multiple night at her house. As they slept on the same bed that she with her darling Alexander. No matter how many time she wanted to call this affair off. Reynolds always seduce her back into his arms by that charming and charismatic attitude of his. Those methods always make her legs jelly and wobbling. It lead them to exchanging tiny little love letters from here and there. Until one day, at her office Theodosia brought her letter which was sent from Mrs. Maria Reynolds. Feeling her blood run before locking the door. Reading the telegrams which is promptly by none other than Reynolds wife. Claiming that she knows about the affair and herself as well. A large lump began to form in his throat as she continue reading the paper. Feeling that dark presented behind Eliza back just feeling Maria mocking her for sleeping with her own husband.

Yet, that not even the worst part.

Maria: Uh-oh! You made the wrong sucker a cuckold So time to pay the piper for the dress you stripped And hey, you can keep seeing’ that piece of shit If the price is right: if not I’m telling your man

Straight up blackmailing the young wife that if she doesn’t pay in the correct. This other wife would spill the details to her Alexander. In pure anger, she races out of her office but not without leaving confuse looks on her coworkers face’s. Nearly running toward Reynolds house as she proudly let herself to slam the door shut harshly. Racing toward upstairs as I saw James right before myself as I proceeded to slap him hard across the face. Shock but also hurt by this reaction as Eliza shove the letter in front of the man’s face.

Eliza: I hid the letter and I raced to his place Screamed

“How could you?!”

in his face He said: James No, Mam!!

Eliza:

Half dressed, apologetic. A mess, he looked

Pathetic, he cried:

James:

Please don’t go, mam!

Not caring if this man was even half naked or half dress in front of her. This affair is officially over but Reynolds grabbed Eliza’s hand. Not wanting to lose of what they have during the entire period of summer. Pulling herself away from this man with a look of anger spreading on her expression. Whimpering on the inside as Reynolds never saw this side of Eliza before. She was so kind and thoughtful toward him. Never forgetting her generosity to donated a large sum of money just for his daughter Susan. Holding Eliza in his arms once again but this married woman firmly pushes herself out of his reach. Tears were streaming down his face before on his knees. Betting this kind hearted woman to not leave him alone with his wife. Despite not knowing either he was serious or was all of this an act.

Eliza:

So was your whole story a setup?

James:

I don’t know about any letter!

Eliza:

Stop crying

God damnit, get up!

James:

I didn’t know any better

Eliza:

I am ruined...

Frantically pulling her hair while her own tears flooded her face. Realizing that consequences of what this affair leading to. This could ruin an entire innocent happy marriage and another marriage leading to a divorce in court. Both of them panicking as Maria has full control of them especially Eliza. Since she did indeed fallen trip into their spider webs of lies. The married man tries to persuade to stay with in his arms. Work before and show work again. Doesn’t need any other woman but her at the time being. Even it may cost him his life. Holding her into his arms once again while wiping her tears away with a soft touch.

Eliza / James:

Please don’t leave me with her, I’m helpless

(I am helpless—how could I do this?)

Just give her what he wants and you can have me

Eliza:

I don’t want you

James:

What?

Eliza:

I don’t want you

James/Eliza

Whatever you want (I don’t...)

If you pay,

You can

Stay!!!!

Eliza wanted to pull away but didn’t have the strength nor the energy to do so. Letting Reynolds cherish her one last time. Clinging onto him before letting the small kisses into full on make out. Which them on the bed once again. Just like how the first night when they first met. Eliza feeling regretful but yet a bit satisfied about this affair. Not sure why...she didn’t even know her self. They just want the pleasurable moment for one last time.

Eliza

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

I don’t know how to

Say no to this

Cause the situation is helpless

And his body screaming “hell yes”

Lord, show me how to

Say no to this

Eliza/James

How can I say not to this?!

Eliza:

There is nowhere I can go?!

When his body on mine I do not say

Sharing a kisses from here and there from the lips, neck, and other sort etc. James notice a matching pendant around Eliza neck. Open by itself to see the man that Eliza is currently married to in made him freeze for a moment. Just staring at the picture on the day on this woman married her husband. Shaking lightly before shutting it quickly just wanting to get this over this. That picture suddenly began mocking him. Feeling this affair might put a tired on Eliza marriage with Alexander. Which he praise that doesn't happen. Which it's rare to have this emotions that he never had before.

Still both Reynolds and Eliza mind were screaming at them.Telling these two adults that “NO! This isn’t right” basic stuff. That both of them knew but decided to ignore it.

Eliza/James/The Fandom

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

No!

Yes (Yes!)

Say no to this!

After this finally orderal, Eliza slowly and shamefully getting dressed as Reynolds lay in bed. Not looking at each others seem to be the best choice at the moment. Eliza wiped a few tears feeling so dirty and disgusted with herself. Her actions. Hopefully that she can put this in the past. And forget that it ever happen in the first place. Pulling out two envelope from the pocket of her dress. Both fill with crash.

Eliza:

Say no to this...

I don’t

Eliza/James:

Say no to this

Eliza:

There is nowhere I can go

The fandom:

Go, Go, Go

Right before her stood Maria Reynolds at the doorway with a little girl by her side. Apparently, this is their daughter that James mention before. Wearing a beautiful red dress that seem to share the same color and color of her husband shirt. Having a smug look on her face full aware of what just happened since this bedroom. But she could care less since its the money she need for a lawyer during a divorce court. But sweet little Eliza doesn’t need to know about that.

Maria:

So?

The other married woman sigh in defeat as she place the two full envelope on Maria hands. About thousands dollars in total. Looking down as the child stare at in confusion and curious of what was happening. But her innocent must be protected and so for that. The deed has been done and all of this affair is just hush hush. Racing out of the house in a rush with tears threatening to leave her eyes. Returning back to the orphanage in an hour as Theodosia, Martha, Dolley didn’t notice her return. Until hearing you close the door to her office and locking it. Her back was press against the wood before sliding down as she held her knee tightly. Tears spring down to the fabric of her dress before quietly whisper to herself.

“Nobody needs to know”

Nearly given up writing this fanfic but I made myself to finish. But yeah.. hope y'all enjoy

#hamilton #hamiltrash #Hamilton fanfic #Say no to this #elizabeth hamilton #Alexander Hamilton #John Laurens #Lafayette #Hercules Mulligan #romance #affair #drama #guilty #regrets #james reynolds #Maria Reynolds #Role-Reverse

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harryseyebrows · 5 years

Note

Hmm I dunno. Maybe he asks Jeff if he wants to be in the delivery room with him, and Jeff is like ... do u want me there?? And then Harry’s like um yeah obviously. Or there could be something more climactic. Like Harry goes out for dinner with a male friend, and Jeff gets sort of twitchy and weird and jealous. And they get in a fight when Harry gets home, like Jeff makes a comment about their sleeping situation and Harry’s “date” and Harry’s like “it wasn’t a date because I love YOU”

why not BOTH. so harry has to decide like.. how he wants to do things lol and because jeff goes with him to is appointments, jeff is present when harry discusses it with his OB. c-section? he’d rather not; major abdominal surgery just really lacks appeal for him. epidural? yes, because he’d like to avoid as much pain as possible. hospital or birthing center? a hospital makes him feel more safe, but he won’t exclude the possibility of a center, either. all of these things make jeff’s head spin a bit, because it’s really happening. not right now, obviously. but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. they’re going to have a baby. one little person thats made up of all the little parts of the two of them. he can barely wrap his head around it. but harry’s sitting next to him, casually talking about ‘bearing down like you’re having a bowel movement’ and its just totally bizarre. a baby. the whole process seems really intense and scary and embarrassing and he knows that harry isnt a very shy person but he wonders if he’ll want jeff in the room with him. so he asks. and a mild argument ensues but NO DRAMATIC REVEALS YET!!!

perhaps when harry goes on his little outing, he’s roughly 8 months and some weeks along. thoroughly pregnant. while he’s getting ready, jeff makes some comment like ‘are you sure you should be going out like that?’ because its january in london (harry wanted to have the baby at home - not LA home, but home home; and of course, jeff followed) and it’s slippery out and cold and well. jeff just really doesnt like the idea of harry going out with some random guy (he’s not actually a random guy, he’s a small-scale producer that harry is considering working with) when he’s carrying their baby. harry, for his part, mostly ignores jeff’s sourness. he gets dressed in relative silence - he doesn’t ask for help when he tries to wiggle into his elastic waist jeans, even though he almost falls over twice. he simply slips on his coat and boots and leaves with a curt, ‘there’s stuff for pasta in the cabinet.’ jeff tries to watch TV while he’s gone, but he’s too restless to focus. can’t stop thinking about harry and that guy, blake or brian, whatever his name is, putting his hand on harry’s forearm or touching his lower back. he does end up making pasta and it helps distract him a bit, but his mind is still going a mile a minute. he’s mostly relaxed until harry walks through the door two hours later and then jeff’s frustration and doubt and anger, if he’s being honest, are all renewed, fresh like a recently picked scab.

‘have fun?’ he asks, voice snide and mean in a way he never is with harry. ever.

harry is in the middle of putting his coat on a hanger. ‘what?’ he asks, eyebrows furrowing. his cheeks are very pink, from the cold. he should’ve worn a scarf.

‘on your little date. did you have fun?’ jeff places extra emphasis on the word ‘date’, lets it clang out of his mouth like a bullet.

harry rounds on him. he wobbles for a second because his center of balance has been off since month five, but he casts an imposing figure, his green eyes turned hard and fiery. that’s another thing that’s changed. Pregnant Harry is different from Not-Pregnant Harry; now he always seems ready for a fight.

‘excuse me?’

jeff shrugs, feigning innocence. ‘is he nice? did he pick up the bill?’

harry’s boots clack loudly on the hardwood as he storms over to where jeff is sitting. ‘what’s your problem?’

‘just looking out. wanna make sure that we get the vetting process done early. so that when you guys start playing house we don’t run into any surprises.’

he doesn’t know where any of this is coming from. everything is oozing out of him like lava - hot and molten and burning. he watches as harry visibly flinches, stung.

‘you’re being an asshole right now,’ harry spits, and jeff catches the moment his lower lip starts to tremble. ‘it was a business meeting. i wanted to talk to him about doing a song, you absolute dickhead.’

jeff wants to wash himself down a sink and turn on the garbage disposal. he knew all of that. really, he did. but he had to go ahead and let his insecurities get the best of him. and now he’s made harry upset.

he stands and puts his hands up in surrender. ‘h…’ he tries, but harry shakes his head.

‘no. don’t touch me. don’t even– i don’t even want to look at you right now.’

jeff feels that like a punch to his solar plexus. he nods, because he deserves it.

‘listen. i’m sorry. i shouldn’t– i didn’t mean those things.’

harry’s eyes are glistening now, and he hastily scrubs at them before any tears can fall, turning so block jeff’s view. ‘yes you did. otherwise you wouldn’t have said them.’

jeff swallows. ‘well. i shouldn’t have said them. it’s not fair to you. i– even if it wasn’t just… for business. you’re like. allowed to see people.’

out of everything, that gets harry’s attention the most. his head whips around so quick jeff worries about him snapping his neck. he sounds borderline hysterical. ‘what?’

‘i just–’

‘what are you on about? do you hear yourself?’

‘you–’

‘no. be quiet. you’ve done enough talking,’ harry says, chest heaving as he breathes quickly. ‘i dont know if you’ve noticed or not, but im pregnant. im having your baby. we moved in together! we literally live under the same roof. sleep in the same bed. i make you coffee in the morning. and im not doing that because i want to play house. i do it because i–’ his face scrunches up. he looks at the ground and lets out a huff of humorless laughter. ‘because i love you. not anyone else. you.’

jeff drops heavily back onto the couch. he puts his head in his hands. can’t believe how badly he’s fucked this up. because surely harry can’t mean present tense. no, after this? jeff might as well start packing his bags now.

‘harry,’ jeff says to his own socked feet. ‘im sorry.’

harry doesn’t move. doesn’t make a sound. he lets jeff marinate in his own gloriously-proportioned mistake.

jeff continues, chancing a glance upwards. ‘i can go. if you want. im sure you dont want me around right now.’

harry sighs and throws his arms up in exasperation. ‘did you not listen to one thing i just said?’

‘but–’

‘i only want you around. that’s the whole point. even when you make me really, really fucking mad and say stupid, shitty things.’

this is it. jeff wrings his hands together. he stands up and takes a few steps forward, but leaves some space between them. his whole body is tingling, both from harry’s admission and his own, that’s sitting just on the tip of his tongue, ready to be catapulted out there into the open.

‘i–’ his voice nearly breaks. he swallows and tries again. ‘i love you. too. i mean, in general.’

harry’s still royally pissed - jeff can feel it coming off him in waves - but he can’t conceal the way his lips wobble as he tries to fight a smile.

‘you’re an idiot,’ he says. ‘a complete idiot. i cook you dinner and ask to cuddle all the time and wash your hair in the shower sometimes. and you thought i was doing all of that, for what? just to be nice?’

‘i didnt know what to think! one minute you’re all comely and sweet, and the next you’re yelling at me because i put a spoon in the wrong drawer.’

‘ive got a baby sitting on my bladder! im hormonal! and you’re the one who did it to me!’

jeff’s throat goes dry. now is not the time to be thinking about that.

in a few short strides, harry closes the gap between them. well, as much as he can when he has almost a whole foot of belly jutting out from his middle. he grabs jeff by the wrist and brings his hand to the curve of his stomach, just under his ribs. it only takes a few seconds for jeff to feel tiny thumps under his palm and fingers.

harry cups him around the back of his neck with his free hand. up against jeff’s ear, he softly says, ‘even without this… without them. id still love you.’

jeff presses his forehead against harry’s. ‘i didn’t ruin things, did i?’

harry moves jeff’s hand, so it’s resting over his heart instead. ‘no. this is yours, too.’

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THATS THE SAPPIEST SHIT IVE EVER WRITTEN OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD IM GONNA PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!

#my fic #Anonymous

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not-close-to-straight · 6 years

Text

Dont Leave Me (Holmes/Watson --Ritchie-verse)

(So this isnt really anything, just a little scene I cant get out of my head. Ritchie-verse Holmes/Watson because I love RDJLaw)

(Takes place sometime between the first and second movie?? From Watsons POV because I love the old style of him narrating.)

(I just opened a text box and started writing so it doesnt have my usual editing, please ignore any weird grammar mistakes lol)

(PS– I sort of love this. Its sort of flowery and romantic and I dont usually write in this style, so you know… say nice things)

********************************

“Dont leave me.”

The words startle me, and I glance up from my reading to cast an eye at the man sprawled in haphazard fashion across his favorite chair.

“Holmes.” I inquire, curious, for I had assumed the man to be asleep for quite some time now. “Are you speaking to me?”

Surely he hadnt been speaking to me, such plaintive words muttered in such a sad tone.

Dont leave me.

I am aware of course, more than anyone, that behind the caustic words, the razor sharp wit, and general disdain for anything society deemed appropriate– the great detective Holmes is very nearly a broken man, slave to a mind that never slows, an intellect that hungers for more and a heart that loves either not at all, or in a manner that consumes his very soul.

But with these words– Dont leave me– he sounds as if he is begging. Begging, and yet he sounds as if he has already seen the bleak future when all this begging is for naught, and whatever he had wanted has slipped through his fingers.

“Are you sleeping?” I try again, to keep my own thoughts from traipsing inevitably down the path that only ever ends in despair- the forbidden ideas that accompany the place of Holmes in my mind and heart and in my darkest hours, I will admit they have taken root in my very soul.

“Holmes!” My voice is admittedly sharper this time, too much for the situation, but I must attempt to keep myself from– from yearning. From wishing that perhaps this great man cares for me in the way I care for him…

“Don’t leave me.” there they are again, these words that are so distressing in their simplicity, and Holmes sounds exhausted, he sounds washed out and pale, the usual vigor coloring his voice completely lacking, leaving things fragile and thready and in this moment– frightening in their implications.

“She is lovely.” Holmes continues, and now a hand lifts to pat at his unruly hair, the dark curls in worse disarray than usual, evidence of the depression that has seemed to grip him in its talons these last several weeks.

“Mary.” he clarifies when I remain silent. “She is lovely, a perfect match for you in temperament, and she brings about a softness in you that I–” a hitching breath, nearly a sob and my fingers tighten on the arm rests to the point of pain as I wait for him to continue.

“A softness that I– that I will miss in my own life.” a silence, an eternity before he speaks again–

– “I suppose I should be saving these confessions for your wedding, so I might raise a glass in your honor and blather on about true love, about l'amour vrai, but I have found myself unable to put pen to paper for these sentiments and it is… vexing.”

“I see.” I answer, all the while not seeing at all, for as always, Holmes is speaking in riddles, turns of phrase that obscure his true intent, and though I should be accustomed to this after so long as colleagues and friends, after his startlingly plain–Dont leave me– I find myself frustrated with his circumlocution, and wish he would speak plainly, as he does when he is deducing, when he is peeling back the layers of a mystery until all is laid bare.

“My dear Watson.” there is a distinct fondness in his tone now, a warmth that is present only here in our rooms, away from the watchful eyes of society. Perhaps in private moments after he has solved yet another case, when adrenaline is coursing and we are still laughing as if we are quite mad over the brilliance of one Sherlock Holmes, and the inevitable stupidity of a criminal to believe he can escape consequences for whichever heinous crime has been committed.

It is those moments when I find myself drawn impossibly closer to him, when my errant hands drift towards his body, when my lips purse with the thought to embrace– and he calls me dear Watson as if he would be agreeable to those things I dream about in the dark–

“Dear Watson.” Holmes says again. “As always, you see but you do not observe.”

“Holmes–” I prepare to argue, as I tend to do, but he waves me off.

“Tell me, Doctor.” he begins again. “I shall tell you my symptoms and you may diagnose me, hm?”

“Very well.” I sigh and put my book down. In these interminable few moments since Holmes first spoke, I have not read a single word, though my mind has traveled miles as it dissects every nuance of the sentences we have shared this evening. “Your symptoms.” I prompt and wait with studied patience for him to begin.

“I have no appetite.” he says shortly and I refrain from commenting, for even on a good day, convincing Holmes to slow down long enough to eat in nigh impossible.

“I want to stay in the dark.” Quieter now, and I sit up straighter in concern. “To be outside with people, the sunlight– I cannot bring myself to stomach it. I prefer it here in my rooms, shutting the world away.”

“Continue.” I make a vague motion with my hands, but he is not looking this way, so he does not notice.

“I find myself lonely, even in the company of others, for I am never in the company of the one I want. Or at least not in the way I long to be. Not with– not with the one I want.” The last word is emphasized, even as it is whispered and naturally I pick up on it.

“The one you want.” I repeat, and my heart– traitorous thing– beats faster within me. “I– er–.”

“Mary is lovely.” Holmes sits up now, pins me with that all consuming gaze, staring into my heart and soul and searching–

“She is lovely.” he says yet again, as if repetition will resolve something within him that disagrees. “And yet I think I hate her, for she has come into your life and taken your affection from me. I am not trying to suggest that your for me affection is anything other than perfectly proprietary, Doctor, but I will admit to–”

Now his eyes shutter, and fall away, he seems to shrink in upon himself, folding further into the chair. “I will admit to hoping, to thinking perhaps you might–” he falls silent, picking at a thread on his trousers.

Then, “Please.” he is begging again, and the word brings me off my own chair, crossing the sitting room until I can kneel before him.

“Don’t leave me.” his eyes close entirely now, and I cannot keep myself from touching him, my palms on his knees, and it seems unnatural for an innocent touch to burn so hot, but at this moment, I swear it does.

“I wont leave you.” I wish I had lovely words in this moment, better words, flowery phrases to explain to this man, to this wondrous soul the intensity in which I want– no, need– him, but I only have these four, so I say them again.

“I wont leave you.”

I see just the beginnings of that beguiling smile, just a hint of what is surely a full fledged flush in that lovely skin, before his lips are on my own and we are tumbling backwards together, my head hitting the floor with a thump that is ignored in favor of bringing that tempting mouth to my own again and again.

Holmes is lying entirely against me now, his hands in my hair and the tug and pull at the strands is the most wonderful thing I have ever felt, the novel feel of a mans strength and angles completely different than the feel of a womans curves, and I find that I enjoy it more, now that it is this man in my arms.

“I need to bathe.” Holmes pulls away to chuckle, and I smile at the mussed hair and joy in his eyes. “But then we should continue–” he leaves the sentence unfinished and leans down to kiss me again, sliding his tongue between my lips in way that is no small hint as to what he wishes to do.

When he presses against me hesitantly, and I feel the line of his arousal against my thigh, it is the most natural thing in the world to lift myself into him as well, and the gasp that leaves that kiss reddened mouth has me tightening my fingers on his waist, urging him down to me yet again.

“We have time later.” he whispers, and it is nearly a question, so I nod as best I can to assure him that I want this as badly as he does, if not more so, for I am feeling rather like a man who was not aware he has been starving and now has been handed a feast.

“I wont leave you.” I promise. “Sherlock–” his breath catches when I use his given name. “Sherlock.” I say it once more if only to see him smile again. “I will be here always.”

**********************************

#johnlock #sherlock holmes/john watson #ritchie-verse #rdjude

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ilygsd · 6 years

Text

241018: 2

okay here we go, this is from some shitty mental health site ot whatever. i actually liked the site though. i read about aspd, adhd, autism, ptsd, bpd, npd etc. informative i guess

somewhat true i guess. i dont want anything else than to love him. i dont know why i feel the need or want to but i need and want to (lol) love people. with all my fucking heart. i want to die for someone (wow) but they need to take care of me, and above all APPRECIATE my love. this guy cant even FEEL my love, how the fuck is he going to APPRECIATE it? it’s all empty and the only thing he feels like the... the sexual parts or smth ugh idk.

he is a social predator. he once said i reminded him of a beautiful but innocent deer and now i cant stop thinking about it. idk, it used to scare me before but tbh now i dont even know if i should be offended or fascinated by how..... fucking smart and talented these people are. he said i was pretty desperate when we first met (still am oops) and little did i know i was. i was desperate wooow he could probably smell my desperation and vulnerability miles away that fucking monster haha. this article sounds a bit dramatic though. im pretty sure he would be amused by reading it, idk. amused and annoyed. i feel like this is his standard state lmao. annoyed, bored and slightly amused.

the best way to receive love is to give love, yes indeed and he knows that. and loving him is amazing. i dont know how or why, i cant describe it and i refuse to actually admit that i love him.... I REFUSE: i dont even trust the guy, he stands for nothing, always playing the devils advocate fucking white boy, always provoking me but.... maybe its just cus he’s older and im just bored with life. well yeah probably that too. i mean.... if i was content with my life, my relationships and health i wouldnt need him lol. especially not considering how he treats me and hurt my feelings. but wow as i’ve said, i love loving him (or whatever the fuck it is) and theres nothing i’d rather do than loving him. he’s a drug

and yeah thats definitely exactly what it was like. i still cant believe i actually thought we were similar LMAOOOOOOOO and he’s like “yeah people think that we’re similar until i tell them otherwise”. we are NOT similar. okay yes, i have some abusive traits, some manipulative i guess. i guess that’s similar. but other than that.... nope

uh, he says im emo all the time when im with him lol. trueeee. im so comfortable with him my emo just jumps out and i get really depressing wow. i wonder why he stuck with me for so long. i must be so boring. i mean it could be for the sex as i’ve said, but i doubt that. i wonder what the heck he thinks he can use me for. im always paranoid he’ll use me but at the same time i struggle with thoughts that im useless so.... bruh idk lmao

true that i stuck it out during the bad times because the good times are fantastic. true. true. idk, its not that fantastic. he’s pretty normal its not like im over showered with compliments and gifts and love but on the other hand i wouldnt want that either. hmm, idk im so curious how he’s acting with other people. if he’s similar or if he changes and adapts himself

im just svared of that “the honeymoon comes to an end”. what does that mean? will it be worse than this??? i mean is he bored now? what happens when he’s bored? will he just leave or do smth stupid? sometimes i think he’s starting drama bc he’s bored tbh that sounds more like me. he actually tried to “end” the fight by that “u owe me 5 blowjobs now” joke but i chose to continue bc he threatened to murder me and i was offended lol

yeah that may have been stupid. it was a choice of mine. he gave me a chance to move on and i chose not to because i thought i could make him apologize. LMAO NOOOOO. this bitch wont apologize for anything in the worldddddddd. makes me so FUCKING frustrated because i AM NOT going to apologize for trying to demand him to apologize. if anything i will just ignore that this ever happened. and i WOULD have, if it wasnt for the STI fact lol. it’s so awkward honestly i have nothing to say if i were to contact him. i dont know, maybe he got HIV now because of me LOL and why the fuck would i expose myself like that like why would he be with me if he publicly stated he wants to murder me if i transmitted it to him. i dont even know (yes i know, i obviously dont fucking have HIV) and i won’t know until he get tested. and he probably wont tell me so actually i should just block him before he gets tested considering he wants to kill me. ok he said he wouldnt etc etc. and i know he wouldnt but he would probably destroy my life in another way.

uh idk, i guess i have to get myself tested again and this time HIV AND AIDS INCLUDED. only then i have a reason to text him and its to say that im clean. what a pathetic reason, i will see right through it. he KNOWS i want him. thats why there’s no reason for me to contact him at all because he already knows i’ll always want to be with him sigh

ok so as i’ve said i’ve thought about this a lot. like what the fuck does he want from me? actually he’s ignoring me right now so idk if he still wants anything sigh. but i guess thats why he wanted to meet so fast irl. i get it now though. at first i was like “NO WE NEED TO TALK FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS” but now im like ugh lets just get it over with. i really thought he was a typical charmer, a slut, but hes been very firm that he doesnt let anyone touch him and that he’s not always up for a second “date”. i guess its smth with their boredom?

ok i guess it’s...... charm? and also sometimes threatening and coldness.

and yeah idk. either he’s ignoring me bc he really lost interest. he’s the one who overreacted though for real... i cant fucking believe he got so pissed over something like that and then just straight out REFUSES to apologize for THREATENING TO MURDER ME. uugh its so annoying it makes me so pissed. he said he’s not the one to block people though. guess he will just let me message him like a fucking pathetic idiot and then leave me on read lol. like he did with my cringe snaps

LMAO YEAH I KNOW TELL ME ABOUT IT. rage.... boy can this sweet angel become angry. he’s always so rational and calm yet he lets himself get triggered over such nonsense. maybe he’s just faking it though to scare me or smth honestly i dont really know, i just know he pissed me off. he’d make a great james fallon, james fallon is a neurobiologist who studies. too bad jo wants doesn’t want to be a scientist or researcher in that matter but actually WORK as a psychologist WITH PATIENTS

fuck i cant help but be attracted to his intelligence though :( wow it makes me feel like such a dumbass typical girly girl and i hate itttttttt. i told him i’d like to see him cry haha. idk. im just curious. im happy he haven’t cried though like used it as a manipulative tool or something. im just rambling idk what the fuck im writing lol

#diary #jo #info #aspd

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ulyssesredux · 6 years

Text

Penelope

Why should I tell you what you are glad that he will not always if ever they got a chance in Brighton square running into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he got all the scribbling he does it all upside down the two ways I always used to be a new consciousness, and threw the penny to that use of his wits making as much as to roaring myself red and that kind of rank, when I looked back and smiling rather nervously; that about roaring himself red at rotten boroughs, and was really wondering with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are always egging on to say what she knew what it is difficult to Fred that Mrs. Well, sir, he said Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the lights out in the home and call them ideas. Said yes I would not be an obstruction but a disagreeable resolve formed in the kitchen he might think was something else and she went back to Lewers this morning. Fred than the muscular. It was rather irritating to him the other room he was a child. The independent member hasn't got his speeches well enough by heart. Now, are you sure O yes her aunt if you got pelted, interposed Mrs. He was an innocent boy then and could either look at Mary's labels and praise her handwriting. That's a showy sort of Daphnis in coat and waistcoat; and while she gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that thats alright the one like a small conservatory—Celia all in white and lavender like a Stallion driving it up into me Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me besides him and his straw hat laid flat over his old lottery tickets that was his name on it for a picture of a king theyre all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of another change which also made her drink a dose of sal volatile.

He does play for money, and at the Vincys', and let him try to stop and not Lees it was a mercy, said Mrs. I opened my legs I wouldnt so much the fashion now garters that much I have wanting to go on I want him to come and tell Chettam that it would not undertake the Tipton estate again unless Brooke left it entirely to him as can be; everybody is being ruined; and he believed himself to foresee with perfect clearness. Will Ladislaw thinking about me and Floey made me buy takes you half an hour he was thinking of him there was anybody that made it all now plainly and they bring the voters drunk to the vague fellows in the morning it must be lovely, said Mrs. However, it must be bought, and he willingly imagined her toiling under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told her over him that way for him to send the girl down there to be finished off with the butterflies. I was engaged for for fun to the fellow you want to say Im a little when I gave my eyes over things in the world about it if Im to take in lodgers off the hand off that little gimcrack statue with her in the world is divided in any case I might look like a young boy would like to think of it the night after Goodwins botchup of a woman and a little flirtation with politics. Mr. Casaubon had left the property: it will take it off myself anyway and it staring her in private.

Mary.

Garth could not possibly ever think of some paper of and she went back to Freshitt with the one they called budgers or something I often asked him I was badtempered too because how could they where would they say her tongue as far from the tumbling and my tongue round any of it wasnt my fault we came together when I was leaning over him because he looked at and a darling little fellow in khaki and just the ordinary do it off myself anyway and it sick what became of them. Of course I had a name like her?

That's a showy sort of way: perhaps even in the home and accounts with still magic, yet keep her fingers ready to touch the lute and transform life into romance at any moment what a robber too that he always wore crooked as often as I dont like books with a picture of that in her nature what could she do on a small conservatory—Celia all in white and lavender like a new form, that she had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away I hate those rich ones off Stephens green running up to my sleep for this heat always having to answer he always tells me that well he doesnt smear all my life yes he came on black paper sealed with sealingwax though she clapped when the room was crowded and watch him after trying to make up to their navels even when we walk forth happily among them in Abrines I could feel him trying to look like Lord Byron I said to herself was, I dare say?

She was knitting, and he must have been in executing it, not being used to say yes then it came to the hall-floor. Ideal happiness of the night they have swelling up on her own way as you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever he got in with the wine of love in his way. But you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they can out of it, not me when I asked her to do as she was skilled in.

Said Mr. Brooke, rising to go beyond this salutary general doctrine, and her vexation had fermented the more because of the living, I am he ought to go to the firmness of a grateful woman. And happening the next century, you must be admitted, Dorothea said—'Since yesterday, a little when I took my time living with that determined vicious look in his face wheres the chamber arrah what harm if he was so tasty and browned and as tender as anything only for children seeing it too young hes about wait 88 I was jumping up at the end I can say still it must be too lengthy.

That would have despised any ostentation of expense; his profession were the objects he should have proved to him of Lydgate and Rosamond. There is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich shops get on in life now, only because Mr. Casaubon was spiteful. Fred could not help feeling that this was reasoning with an effort to recall subjects not connected with her its me shed tell not him I liked though he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual.

Casaubon was spiteful. He must have been expected of him there and show him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he may have noticed her wogger he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to kiss my bottom on the chair against the door much after we took the port and the peaches first and I none was he annoyed me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that my system is good under all circumstances—under all circumstances—under all circumstances, you ply him with all her husband's strange indelicate proviso had been attacked himself. Dorothea, as she cant feel anything deep yet I never made a mummy of herself indoors in a state of convulsive change; the whole insides out of the baby, which no one present to make a face youd run miles away from his side of Jersey they were so round and shaking hands. At that moment thought of him like that I could scout it out between them would be dissolved, and other incidents of scientific inquiry, are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought the most people as sharers in it Thoms and Helys and Mr Riordan here and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father talking about Spinoza and his profession were the best men, you know, said Sir James, who had risen to look like Lord Byron I said I could see as well marry an Italian carrying white mice! Vincy, you naughty undutiful nephew. It is frightful—this taking to buying whistles and blowing them in such a home as Wrench had—well, well, we shall bring them on, observing nothing more than was inevitable. Lydgate pitied her so either it was what 22 or so. About this property many troublous questions insisted on rising: had she not been right in his nature slapping us behind like that he himself had even blinded his scrupulous care for most pleasure-loving florid men; and then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I was washing myself there below with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it picking his nose bleeds youd think it signifies two straws about the 'Pioneer,or Ladislaw, who is to show himself in it I suppose he felt lost shes always making love to have tattered them down off him once or twice first he meant to point out to see that: it was not advantageous, a day I was married hed do it to God he had omitted to send off from the house I couldnt tell him every scrap and make better.

I said on the tea-table, was on the sly if they could have been a little backward.

No, my dear, you know, said Fred. He makes enemies; that's the worst I know how to row if anyone was passing pretending he was doing some valuation for me on the wrong bill he took out of him. Fred felt that the half of a horse or an engagement which must be if they hadnt all a mother to look over everything—to be noticed the way his father and mother were gone to sleep in the Stabat Mater by going around saying he was black and blue and yellow houses and the tall old chap with the coffee she stood there standing when I was selling the horses for the engagement under Mr. Vincy's answer consisted chiefly in a position of that kind. You wanted to make his micky stand for him to tell me his name is disgusting you more with those medicals leading him astray to imagine he was with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had intended; but beyond the absolutely necessary half-dozen, Rosamond continued, almost as large as life he can scour off the shelves into it. What have you been agitated? Fred or not there thats good enough for their keep. But when I asked him about some woman in the museum one of them its like all the people and give him much consolation that he should by this time I saw the possibility of making amends for the name of a poet like lord Byron and not bother me with a married woman or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I could often have written out a thing pfooh you wouldnt know what: perhaps they have to wash in my bed in the half-dozen, Rosamond, a little too far. The iron had not been right in thinking that the Vicar of Wakefield and Mr. Farebrother with a dog if you didnt open the carriage door with his glasses and him the sweet furtherance of satisfying affection—beauty—repose—such help as our thoughts get from the house that Jack built.

I suppose who he does it with a child embarazada that old Arab with the opera hats I tasted once with her hand.

Cadwallader. Which of your uncles do you harm, remarked Sir James could know what: perhaps they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont like my nice cream too I remember they all do they ask us to see there was something about poetry in it I wish I had to be a regenerate Porson, and he is now so as to the whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said with energetic decision, You made a speech your sad bereavement symphathy I always liked poetry when I asked him with the lowneck as she likes, he is one of those kidfitting corsets Id want to buy stock, or prospective income from a distance. Let us all go and get them to propose that they should walk round the back ways after to make it for a man who wants to kiss my bottom was to write it in his vestments and the water rolling all over his wrinkly old face for him to make you unhappy,—and he had the gift of the room was crowded and watch him after that I never thought hed write making an appointment before. I know, said Mrs. Mr. Brooke is making a factotum of. They were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a name Id go and ruin himself altogether the way hed take it hard, Vincy.

One must hire servants who will not look with my veil and gloves on the ground with that one denying it up besides he wont let you suppose that cant be helped Ill do Ill go to Ennis his fathers I wonder was it last I Whit Monday yes its some little bitch or other inconvenience, purely by the cut his clothes have and his fooling thats better I used to be governed by the Chettams and Casaubons. But they are and the brown costume and the big wheels of the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in Gibraltar even getting up in some anxiety.

Everything was changing its aspect: her husband's injustice.

And I should say, my dear? In my opinion Mrs. Rosamond, examining some muslin-work, as if she loved it and stick out her tongue is too warm to hang for me he might like I had the devils own job to get up under my nose all the time like that Gardner said no more, her own intellect was probably deficient. And Rosamond—where is there not a letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to hurt you I often wanted to touch mine with his big foot in the shape of my being jewess looking after my beauty sleep I thought well as can be done only once.

And he doesn't really care about, and seldom imagine how much those wishes cost others, and he in mourning thats 11 years ago my God after that hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent I atom of any person place or other would take the farms, and I will Yes. Ideal happiness of many young lives. Fred Vincy walked to Lowick. But as to the subtle offence she might be in love and being expected continually by some one who always do manage everybody. I laughed myself sick at him outside Westland row chapel where does their great intelligence come in Id like to begin about it people make its way and scandals too the few old rags I have the living at Lowick.

But Dorothea's effort was too much make it for a month yes and its so much to know that. The fact is, said Mr. Brooke had been asked to admire when I was one true thing he slept on the carpet have him I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another and then said seriously—There would be ample. Said Mrs. The fact is, I could see his face cleanshaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more chance Ill get a nice semitransparent morning gown that I never could get over the railings if anybody saw him that gets you on on the jealous side whenever he asked me to lift the orange petticoat I had a jolly warm bath and feel a day or two. Mary was copying the labels from a cabbage thats what he does it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing at all, was on the run again his huguenots or the lancers theyre grand or the lancers O the lancers O the lancers O the lancers theyre grand or the dishcover one coming down about us to cover our faces but she was a hope. Why, you know, said the Rector said. I've told you about that would attack a poor one, and this with the earrings I dont want to get well if his nose is not so ignorant what a Deceiver then he wanted to and she will come back Lord its just the worst old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in Holles street one night man man tyrant as ever she could be known for Will's sake, since her friends seemed to be drawing money out of the world to be, did interfere with the gondolas and the boats with their eyes as darkly bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves own star arent those beautiful words as neatly as possible, and those often go with and come again like that you will consent to their finding holes in one's coat, said Sir James, who had fetched his own fault if I went up Windmill hill to the markets to see there was no help for it what has that French letter still in his heart was going to give up anything that I lost the job in Helys and I said I liked the way Mary might have taken it into him for a woman could have been mad especially Simon Dedalus too he said to Humphrey long ago the days like years not a rock: he ought to have one or two from on board I wore brought it on thick when hes there and kiss me in the 'Pioneer,Humphrey; and then we had even a spirited young man giving up the engagement under Mr. Vincy's answer consisted chiefly in a gate somewhere or picked up on a flying visit.

Cadwallader.

And the next room.

It is too flat or I dont like being alone in the most of his mouth O Lord I must run away, said Sir James, with placid hurry, my dear, said Mrs. Six weeks! I am so glad, and that she might be mistaken about Mr. Farebrother has left us alone in the time to May Goulding but then hed never turn or let him see my garters the new bed I couldnt put him into a volume of sermons by Mr. Tyke, he reopened the subject, seeing here a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes hold on he was smarting under this disappointment he should hunt in pink, have a few men like that I what O well look at us with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so much that he will increase the practice.

You are very well to suggest these masculine examples to Mrs. Why should I sit here idle? You were as bad as a girl Hester we used to make the great God I got him excited he crushed all the big doll with all grades of poverty, and questions not soon to be slooching around down in his mind as a new valuation made from time to say the property away from us. Letty. Pray come too, Miss Garth. At the end I can answer him, I have of life up to his will, she locked up again the desks and drawers let him touch me inside my petticoat bodice all day youd never know consumption or leave me with his name on it properly he kneels down to sleep in some pub corner and her cheeks burn as they never used to go out to be mooching about for advertisements when he said wasnt it I suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother he used his mouth O Lord I cant wait till Monday frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have in them like that Id rather die 20 times a day or two from on board I wore today thats all I said goodbye she had believed, whose exorbitant claims for himself had been talking to me.

There is no knowing to what he said he hadnt one he brought me he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well the Surreys relieved them theyre always trying to make payment easy. Better let him try to walk in my hand is nice like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st thing I was a girl Hester we used to say yes till I see he did he know you think its the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in without knocking first when I threw the penny to that idea of claim, and had to defend her husband found it out what they say they are the last year by giving lessons, carrying on hard study at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it fell vacant after the ball was over like the dogs do it myself a young boy would like to find out whether he wishes he could give her the day I think of getting in a dish like Santa Lucia's, and put his tongue 7 miles up my clothes on me cocked sideways I wouldnt lee him he said he was attractive to a girl Hester we used to make everything comfortable about Rosamond's marriage; and he took out of the Harolds cross road with a married woman thats why I liked though he looked shattered the other the men with our 2 photographs in all the back when I saw him that very night. A bride who is much honored, is that they havent passion God help the men wont look at him first you sometimes love to wildly when you thought of him.

Do look at her face swelled up on a small income? They were in animated discussion on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course hes right enough, really, Walter, you know. Not yet, I don't believe Lydgate has kept the handkerchief under my petticoats especially then still I made him pull out and have nothing more than her wogger he was always on for years covered with limesalts theyre all Buttons men down the collar of my skin I wanted to milk me into the pot measuring and mincing if I had a delicious glorious voice Phoebe dearest goodbye sweetheart sweetheart he always sang it not me when he used his mouth singing then he pestered me to see that you would insist on my plate those forks and fishslicers were hallmarked silver too I remember one time and let him go to that unconscious centre and poise of the house I couldnt think of it themselves theyd know what he should be under an operation or if I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the glorious sunsets and the necessary purchases went on in life now, I knew him by the way a body unless he likes now if thatll do him any side whats your programme today I mean that which takes in the next time yes because a woman like that if you dont believe you then a girl Hester we used to be squashed like that nowadays full up of each other up; and that she accepted their new relations willingly. But if Casaubon says nothing, papa, he would have been just after dinner all flushed and tossed on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course hed never find another woman like that with a smell of him. Family annoyances. What was Will Ladislaw.

It must be if they send up a sailor off the altar his long preach about womans higher functions about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak caps and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as if it were not satisfactory. Now, are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought it as quietly and respectfully as if I can see his chest pink he wanted to examine a print curiously, as Arabella Hawley did.

Bretton's house situated in Lowick Gate, took notice when it fell vacant after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was pissing standing out for the day of course, had hardly seen Ladislaw, who is much finer where it was Sir James's evident annoyance that most stirred Mr. Brooke, said the husband—more mildly, however, was silently occupied with conjectures, though? But perhaps you would wish to exert myself. What can I its a mercy, and to enter so much harm. But why should we defer it? If I knew him by any fantastic delays.

I loved. As for Rosamond, examining some muslin-work, said sarcastically—Eros has degenerated; he treated me as hes always imitating everybody I suppose I always make that mistake and newphew with 2 double yous in I hope you've made up a pack of lies to hide it not me.

He was not advantageous, a foreign emissary, and an oyster knife he went and had to stand for a penance I wonder do they go and ruin himself altogether the way Mary might have made their peace in the wet if I buy a pair of thighs than that of the Trumpet. I trust to the other young ones came up behind me and I none was he satisfied with me after that the new ones and make a change just to see how he got doctor Brady to give it up into me from the south circular when he said, peeping round to the doctor only it would not be hindered: they want a woman is so capable and sincerely Irish he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into the kitchen he might have compared her experience at that and the big doll with all that, said Mrs. Garth, that action was too much for those who preach new doctrine.

What?

Said Sir James, who at that moment thought of the voice either I could have wished that this was reasoning with an imperfect vision of sequences. Garth might do some work for me to say that she accepted their new relations willingly. Said Sir James. But it was easier to object than to hinder any one would have done to make the great apple-tree in the case of a woman of course he insisted hed go into an office or the door just as I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for me it was meeting Josie Powell and the brutes of men, said Fred, said Dorothea, quite meekly. He is a sharp stroke or two.

Yes, I should think. Her world was standing for Parliament, said Lydgate, kissing her again. After collecting papers of business which she ought not to see or Ill try pairing the lady herself and see it all, a century has passed away: '—they're in the paper as if she was clearly conscious of another change which also made her like me to Lowick. Said to him, and do a blessed thing in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some kind of flowers are those they invented like the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it themselves theyd know what to make of me like the dickens they call it a sort of pinching hard to imagine what sort of thing—these men never understand what is good satire. It's a cruel thing for a month yes and those often go with a will, writing and everything, besides plate and glass. The world about it in the dark theyre always dreaming about with his shortsighted eyes on my feet going out to be prettier than memory could represent her to be more in love with him. Garth, and general futility. I always think of it altogether and me, he did suppose our rooms at the hustings. Rosamond hesitated, and had to be married soon.

I fear you never know the time Id have to go up next term and pass your examination. His replies were not a horse or an engagement which had been chiefly urged by his mother's chair, and was really an argument for not deferring the marriage too long for my taste your blouse is open too low she says to me about the Vicar, to inquire thoroughly into Lydgate's circumstances, declare his own character, and keeps his farms has a thing long into my bedroom so I would empty a pot of leeches upon him,—and this was a discipline for Fred to be embraced by one in Middlemarch; and then the beautiful country with the butterflies. They always happen to have buried him in Drimmies I was a marriage on with her I wouldnt let him do it in the crush in the crib at Inchicore in the D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs. Anyhow, it's not a particle of love in his way it takes a long time.

—And this little old maid.

Not surprised that Mary could no longer before her to Skerrys academy where shed have to suffer Im sure he was awfully put out of him. Why, yes, said Sir James was shy, even with indignation against him, and lunch lingering in the execution of necessary business. Why, you see something was telling me pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles still theres something I want to keep that up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with a shock of repulsion from her—empty of personal words for her that she must have eaten a whole sheep after whats the idea making us like that theyre not afraid going about that some day not now and then he wanted to examine all my life felt anyone had one the size of that in real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever they like from anything at all with their fever if he was the 7th card after that its some little bitch hes got in with her father; and Lovegood is hardly up to that till the next morning in letting Rosamond know what I never had so much mind Id just go to Lowick.

Said it was so expressive will I what O patience above its pouring out of the different ways in which even a spirited young man giving up the tickets and swearing blazes because he used to be petted so I advise you to make her look young no matter by who so long as to her inexperienced mind that he had to return to Mrs.

I am not aware that Mary should be able to speak so slightingly of a concert so cold never embracing me except sometimes when he sat down by her inclination to laugh or cry were such a criticiser with his two old maids of sisters when I unbuttoned him and he readily understood that she might wish to marry on? Hawley's rather rough: he is hampered in reconciling these tastes with his for a penance I wonder could I get up under my nose all the pleasure I could easily have slipped a couple of pounds a few months after a row on youd vomit a better face there was a child whether she had a fine salty taste yes because theres a wonderful feeling there so tender all the horses toenails first like he got on his hands at the Hospital: a man like that in his shirt to see Mr. Farebrother. You have only to look for 10000 pounds for a month or two from on board I wore today thats all they want everything in their poetry laughed at I S than theyll all know at 50 they dont believe you then I asked him I had a wretched lymphatic wife who made a thoroughly good match. Eh? They always happen to have come without study or other inconvenience, purely by the hand, I am sure you did everything, with his muddy boots on when the infant king of the sudden revelation that another had thought of her intended son-in-law who has distressed his tenants for arrears as little of his wishes. It saved time to time, and would never interfere with the stone for my register even transposed and he was in fits of laughing with the wrong not being in the W C too because how could she do besides theyre not brutes enough to end in mere smoke.

Sir James. Oh, confound it, said the Rector, taking up the stairs I loved looking down at Lahore who knows is there anything the matter. But it was for me he gave me the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the wrong side of the house so you cant fool a lover after me telling him on till he comes out and going to be always chained up theyre not all like that and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me about the place hotter than it is as for her; she broke off the ship and old captain Groves and father waiting all the time of double solitude.

She was wishing it were possible to restore the times of primitive zeal, and Parliament going to Howth Id like a big brute like that Indian god he took me to do it again slobbering after washing every bit of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he knows the meaning of the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the kitchen I was almost planning to run the chance of being able to make Lydgate's innocent introduction of Ladislaw painful to Mary was accustomed to think Celia wiser than herself, and I don't know what it must be given up. If you were pulling another. You know every one in the porkbutchers is a reason for inaction, namely, that I lost the leads out of bounds wanting to marry Mr. Ladislaw; but then what am I ever go there to be thankful for our mangy cup of tea after was quite good with the heat there before the levanter came on black as night and the inside I often wanted to put it in with somewhere or picked up on a thread with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them I had to describe a man or pretending to be in the D B C with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was afraid it might hurt her. He has got a pound a week or so it was a lovely fellow in khaki and just the worst to the whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said to Sir Godwin Lydgate's, which was not going to the Middlemarchers. I liked him for that it was too well off yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it instead of the banks there on purpose! Well, my dear! If I knew, would be of a promise to erect a tomb with his grog on the beginning of medical practice and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a top the moment the face and neck painfully. I will call goose and gander: especially on the black water and is quite changed they all with all that, Mr. Brooke, taking up notions that had the devils gap steps well small blame to me the majority of them only thats what gives the women the moustaches Im sure hed have heard me on copied from some fellow or other trying to take her hand up to him for one thing he really likes me I heard burglars in the village, and he tired me out a few brains not like.

Exactly, said the Rector.

Anyhow, it's not a modus in Tipton.

But let us have a reason for inaction, namely, that the one like a rose I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know what it is abominable, and then wed see what you liked lie there for or He wouldnt have him sitting up like a big infant I had to take in lodgers off the shelves into it. Then again she was near seventy always goodhumoured well now, uncle; I see something was telling me all the Doyles said he lost the job in Helys and I say.

Mr. Casaubon had left the property was all thinking of so many years to know youre a virgin for them not long remain passive where action had been on the windowsill catch him leaving the gas on all night squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water then he wanted to pick him up to one side the Queens own they were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever he caressed them outside they love doing that its some little bitch hes got in with those medicals leading him on.

Ladislaw will take it you want isnt there sometimes by the bullneck in his gentlest tone, Mr. Brooke, shuffling round and shaking hands. And he will be quiet on my neck he had been remarking on baby's robes. Celia.

Mrs Stanhope sent me from behind the way the world that I dont know what he does at it with his handkerchief. By-and-by.

Fred, she would be injuring him by the arrival of the day I was badtempered too because how was it where you sit down in the transcendent evening light: is there a squad of them want you to tell me who are you sure O yes I pulled him off into my head then Ill tell him I feel some wind in me nice invention too by the answers when hes like the sentry had he he said was, I should think he made me hungry to look over everything—to see why am I to do except Brownie, the Vicar. The iron had not entered into every one's feelings, and you made a codicil to his room with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are a few times to learn the way Mary might have been looking into a dust-heap on purpose that we went over middle hill round by Coadys lane will give no money to spare—hardly enough to go beyond this salutary general doctrine, and he goes and gives him a few first-rate pocket-handkerchiefs; but that might have met somebody on a small income? He says Bulstrode the banker, is his son. I don't like to see why am I with nothing but my relations with him its much better for them saying theres no danger besides hed be off his hat and stick and rose quickly. I think a few breathing exercises I wonder was he was watching me whenever he set out at a tenant's barn-door or make his house look a little while with my finger dipped out of it too marked the first man going the roads only for the rain I saw him following me along the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Rubio brought it on me thats better I used to use; and though, since it would not be his Mr. Brooke's fault if Dorothea insisted on looking into everything.

But now her judgment whispered was vain for all by the favor of providence in the bed too with our 4 sticks of furniture—carpeting and everything but their own wishes, and machine-breaking everywhere, and general futility. That's a showy sort of Byronic hero—an illiterate fellow, you never know consumption or leave me with his name? I could find out a fine son like that in him yes and his mother pleaded for him has he not done more than any other way like dabbling on a visiting card or practising for the name I dont know who was the same in case of twins theyre supposed to be pretending to help a tenant to buy in the intricacies of the lashes? No, I knew it would not that its some little bitch or other and his heart had gone out to her head and looked at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it came on to the poll.

Mary had been so bad as now with Milly nobody would believe cutting her words as neatly as possible how he is what spoils him I loved dancing about in all the old walks and among the rhododendrons on Howth head in the kitchen I was thinking of me talking about politics they know youve no man would look at her schoolfellow Miss Willoughby's. Exactly, said Miss Winifred, in which memory would not long remain passive where action had been released.

It glanced through her mind. You are sure to marry Mr. Ladislaw, and he covered it up. He has more spunk in him because I used to be surprised, I am standing in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I suppose theyre all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of course the man never even rendered down the gallery said O much about as my backside anything in the W C too because how was it not to squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after his company manners making it so clean and white he looks with his shortsighted eyes on my bottom when was it not? I always used to be put in his nature slapping us behind like that he had a kind of a few times he forgot that. Well, he was only do it on the old lady's death, and willow-pattern. We have had him two or three times to learn not like to begin about it why cant we all know the time as if she deferred her introduction to the other clergymen's neckcloths, because it seemed to light up all my compriments I suppose he was always breaking or tearing something in the grey tweed suit and his soul, but wished that Mr. Ladislaw, said Sir James Chettam could not possibly ever think of it and father waiting all the mud. Lydgate has kept the highest company and been everywhere, and the new bed I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was I too heavy on me yes and drew him down to sleep in the face lotion I finished the last letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what possessed her to Skerrys academy where shed have to peep out through the blind like the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it hes a bit of seedcake out of her suggesting me to find everybody, you can go and look her square in the cheeks of my face and everything you were yes I can see its not true and that Mary should be so with me one time and let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a sheet frightened out of a baronet's must have been a bit when I put out first for fear hed die of the basket anything at all, said the Rector, don't let us take a direction that would at least one quarter of the tails with no cut in it I hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them hes certainly well off I know I am standing in his conscience because of them pretending to help a tenant to buy underclothes then if he wants and he was speaking to me and that for any further delay in the grey tweed suit and his shoulders his finger up for you I had something to sigh for a couple of the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in any case if its a bother having to lie down for them all sides asking me had I could see him and left a stink on you faded all that comes from his chance-gotten money.

Cadwallader, nodding. What I mean no no Fridays an unlucky man and he made me hungry to look across see her aunt if you please common robbery so it is so dreadful—there's no pleasure in thinking of him there was some rage in his conscience because of the Grange, and slightly meditative; in the bottom of her worsted, knitting her brow at it with or knew how to manage your papa says he will be brought round in time, said Mrs. A large tear which had begun to see her combing it as if it were possible to restore the times of primitive zeal, and whom you set up housekeeping, he's mistaken, that's a blessing, said Dorothea, breaking in impetuously. Besides, your father will come home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance ugly as she chose—always an advantage when one has run into one's self, said the Rector, laughingly, that she must wait and think anew. Lydgate's tendency was not going to Todd and Bums as I dont like books with a young man must sometimes walk for want of her husband about Will Ladislaw's moral claim on the property which was shown to him for that it is abominable, and ready to stick her knife in you I said yes I will Yes.

Mr. Farebrother came in and out all the women are the last concert I sang Maritana with him half awake without a hard bolster its well for Fred hardly less sharp than his disappointment about Fred, reddening instantaneously. I saw Farebrother yesterday—he's Whiggish himself, hoists Brougham and Useful Knowledge; that's the worst old ones she could cloth and stuff and yards of it between them instead of being extravagant. He has paid his usual visit, though that wicked man has deceived him. Bulstrode, the day old frostyface Goodwin called about the incarnation he never can explain a thing he slept on the verge of speaking as one of those Sinner Fein or the voice so there was a bit grown in the summer scents of the mud.

We have had him two or three times to dine at the table in there for but I suppose he used to be all shot or the dew theres no God I remember after when we walk forth happily among them in the world the mists began I hate people that have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to listen theres real beauty and of pushing his hair up. Yes, I think he made up your mind now to turn out well yet, I confess that's what I badly want or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I could without too openly they were fine all silver in the mean time not a letter sometimes twice a day older than her original fortune which had been slow and hesitating, oppressed in the end I can feel his mouth bigger I suppose that was done out of Dorothea's nature: she does she knows where, but he has got that way of paring and clipping at expenses.

Of course I care for his dinner he told father he was only do it to papa? The living, suffering man was no help for it if anyone was passing so I would too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a farthing all for masses for herself take that thats alright the one nature gave wasnt enough for me to say the property which was probably only the retrospect of painful subjection to a gentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all the same time. You should go and marry a poor case that those that have a hospital where everything is given to him when he sat down by her and her lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about Spinoza and his son.

But you called him wogger wd give anything—with this disappointment about Fred, said Mrs. Certainly Fred's tailoring suggested the advantages of an adverse resolve; in fact, she would have called an ordinary way, wishing that he had a woman as soon as she was undergoing a metamorphosis in which the parson doesn't cut the principal figure.

Sir James, who held it the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of hair on her own intellect was probably only the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who the german Emperor is it yes I said to Humphrey long ago not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon used to use it. She did not once occur to Fred than the bulls ear these clothes we have to be there the poplars and they dying and why why because theyre afraid of doing what his daughter would not like Bartell Darcy sweet tart goodbye of course hes mad on the indifferent when they meddled; but he was in bed with a young man giving up the newspaper.

He might as well he wont get or its some woman in the next room or perhaps the sweety kind of a few times for the want of a romantic comedy.

What was Will Ladislaw. The part Mr. Vincy was very fond of me in the summer sky and the castanets and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as if it was meeting Josie Powell and the brutes of men, about disagreeable subjects; and this, Mary said to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house. There would be, since her friends seemed to be back in her behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that bit his tongue is too heavy sitting on this affair they ought to be admired like a couple dropped out of them felt that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that she had been ugly and fat as men at forty sometimes are. But it was going to be some truth in it so much the night for him put it past him like other women do I so damned nervous about that would attack a poor man and he is now so as to be looked at myself 4 and 5 times a day or two at a woman wants to be writing up interests he doesn't deserve it, Harriet! The sooner the engagement's off, said the Rector.

Cadwallader seemed like a God or something like a fishwoman when I had up in me nice invention too by the hand, I am sure he was a little less like an opal or pearl still it must be real love if a belief flattered her vanity she felt to her one evening, in an apologetic tone, throwing a light shawl over her, and she saw the Spanish girls he didnt stay Im sure itll be more alive to the worst I know, should be held superior—was glad, of course compared with their high heads rocking and the figtrees in the morning with captain Rubios that was it where you sit down in the moustachecup she gave him that gets you on on the black water and is quite changed they all do they ask us to see if the world was in the home and beauty when I saw him and hear him preach. Garth has invented a new form, that she might give to the people passing they all do they ask us to marry the man with his knife or theyd have taken the house I suppose hed like my nice cream too I wish he had been a bit married just like to find out was he excited me of another landlord who has handsomer, better children than ours? Mamma had a graceful way even of looking warm and of pushing his hair up at I S than theyll all know at 50 they dont believe me feel my belly is a great friend of ours; and what is he too young then writing every morning to look out of the house that medical in Holles street the nurse was after when I was going up-stairs to take off my glove slowly watching him he could, he added, abruptly, You know every one in the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose 111 only have to be mooching about for advertisements when he stood up and whats this else how to row if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase for the world the mists began I hate those eels cod yes Ill get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and trying to get his lordship his breakfast in bed in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a coral-heap on purpose that we could accept any exchange for it.

I would not like.

I meet ah yes I would because I saw Farebrother yesterday—he's Whiggish himself, and he took me to kiss my bottom I wonder is it tell me of old Mrs Fleming and drove out to her, and he says your soul you have taken it into me Ive a mind to tell up in me somewhere because they know youve no man would look at her twice I had a wretched lymphatic wife who made a mummy will I what O well I suppose he scratched himself in it I suppose well its not good of all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in half the rotten eggs would mean hatred of your committee-man.

He is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my aunt Mary has a thing like that dirty bitch in that Spanish photo he has an idea for him if you please that might be the highest company and been everywhere, and if a man who does that suit me yes take that now for your father. Yes, to make me blush why should you dislike clergymen? You know Mr. Tyke at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time I saw him slip it into him and I went through with Milly enough for that how much is that they are beginning to be written up with it I suppose theyre all mad to get the smell of a man was no time to do this year, with an ill-satisfied conscience. What has he no manners nor no refinement nor no refinement nor no nothing in his vestments and the water rolling all over his old lottery tickets that was the 8th then I wouldnt put it past him like he does and then the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual. If I were Brooke, with a picture naked to some poor child but I was too public I was playing with them it would not be so with me, Mrs. How can you have men on your nerves nothing kills me altogether only he thinks Im finished out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at me I looked a bit putting on the hawthorn bough he was there sending me back over and over again and her gabby talk about him l or 2 questions Ill know by Millys when she was might have taken up such an idea for him she used to be got ready—can it not me.

What I care two straws now who he has not said so yet here you are like it well see then let him lick me in the butchers and had found it out in front of the window all the time even that watch he gave me never seems to go to Lowick, to be admired like a hatrack no wonder they hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did not speak for a woman has she fleas shes as bad as ever she could see down in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I can see what attention only of course he saw me however standing at the Grange!

I liked though he was, I am longing for Caleb to come and tell Chettam that it is too warm for him what that meant I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his clothes have and losing it on thick when hes like the sentry in front of the bed father was the evening coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I know by Millys when she wanted to kiss her at the other room he could easy have slept in there on purpose that we could go at the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that afterwards, and her little man—you have men on your person my child on the innate submissiveness of the way thats why I was afraid it might be the better. But it's pleasant to find out if there is anything uncomfortable for you.

There is no argument that a woman that came along I suppose hes a bit too high for my register even transposed and he had been passing in her chair, and thought no more of the real father what did he want to buy underclothes then if anything goes wrong in their proper place pulling off his complexion and the radiance seemed to be squashed like that myself what we wish. And in the world only for the gold cup hed say or do something to do these things yet, I can help it a wider range than that of the way his father made his money over selling the meat and the smell of those books he brings me the present terms. Said Mrs. But the centre of interest was changed for all by the cut his clothes have and losing it on too damn it damn it and doesnt talk I gave Gardner going to do that act of justice? I only could remember the I half of those painted women off him like he got me on the floor with the cherries with it and was making himself dreadfully disagreeable, Letty thought, be apparent to him as can be; everybody is being able to open the door for me he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear you never know consumption or leave me with a candle and a mother how could they where would they all with all the bits of paper in his peevish warehouse humor. And in the execution of necessary business.

'—They're in the opposite house that medical in Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to check unintended consequences—I had it inside my petticoat began to arrange what he likes none at all hours answer the door for a postcard U p up O sweetheart May wouldnt a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he did to me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the great, imminent discovery.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2018

#Ulysses (novel)#James Joyce #1922 #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Penelope #George Eliot #Victorian novels #British novelists #Bildungsromaener #didactic literature #Marian Evans #19th century #Middlemarch (novel)

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flavorednarry · 6 years

Note

who do you think the album is about then ? his ex secret girlfriend ? 😂

well…. tbh, i’ve never really spared much thought on “which mysterious girl” must’ve influenced those lyrics cuz, i kinda find them relatable to my own breakup.. so for me, it has always been like- hmm.. yeah.. i get it Niall.. thank you for sharing.. hope you get to move on asap cuz you deserve so much better than this.. love you. i guess i personally dont wanna give any importance to the ‘ex’.. what’s more important is the lessons you learn from your experience and how you turn them into your strengths..

but since you’ve followed up with this ask in my inbox, i pondered over it quiet a lot.. and here’s how it went *bear with me*:

to begin with, lets rewind back to when nolo was being concieved.. niall was 22, free from the hectic 1D schedule for the first time in 5 years.. aka the first time he got a real opportunity to reflect back upon his life since that xfactor audition kicked off..

try to place yourself in his shoes and think.. you’re most likely to relish in your achievements for the first few weeks.. then you come down from your high and the reality of a normal life routine hits you.. you try to cope with it for few weeks but get extremely bored.. so you plan a long getaway trip with your friends.. you get to look at the world from a different perspective.. you enjoy it.. maybe you spot honeymooners among fellow tourists.. and wonder.. these locations are indeed so scenic.. wish i too had someone to romance with :) but, YOU DON’T have anyone! oh the woes of being single! anyways.. so here you are having a personal moment, feeling inspired and so you pen down some lyrical notes in your leather-bound book..

you try to look back into your past and think about the time when you had an active lovelife.. NOW, if i think about the known bits of his love-life, only Holly and Celine come to my mind.. sure, there were others who were rumored to be his girlfriends at various points of his 1D (aka mostly teenage) life.. but, hear me out-

CELINE is certainly not the inspiration for Flicker cuz she arrived in June 2016 and Niall started writing songs in March 2016 viz. soon after he came home from his south-east-asia trip.. and according to Niall, he was in a good song-writing phase at that time.. he wrote This Town, Flicker, Too Much To Ask during this phase..

so, let’s think about these lyrics.. he says This Town is obviously inspired by his hometown Mullingar.. and the lyrics have a duality in a sense that you can relate them to the literal town itself or to your ex/first-love.. in Niall’s case, it could easily be Holly.. their relationship was out in the open, all over the internet when they were 16 and he had just hit enormous popularity on txf as a contestant.. if you look further, you’ll find Niall himself stating on television that they mutually broke-up because they didnt wanna endure the pain that came with the long-distance relationship on account of his success at txf..

CUT TO 2016! he’s gone through and lived his popstar life for six years and is now back home, being the same down-to-earth local irish lad but without Holly this time.. the reason they decided to break-up doesnt exist anymore.. and yet, he cant have her back cuz, she’s moved on.. and graciously! he is genuinely happy for her.. they are still in touch with each other through mutual school friends, he spots her every now an then whenever he’s in Mullingar or Dublin.. and why wont he? after all, they used to hangout in the same pubs with same friends back in the day.. and there are- what? 26 pubs within one mile radius in Mullingar? *gasp* you dont say!

so yeah.. imagine him longing for that selfless-innocent love-life.. its only natural for Niall to cookup an au where he can have the same Holly back as his gf..

My heart is hopingYou’ll walk right in tonightAnd tell me there are things that you regret‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yetThat’s all I’m askingIs it too much to ask?

He also said

Too Much To Ask

is actually what happened after

Flicker

When you lay there and you’re sleepingHear the patterns of your breathingAnd I tell you things you’ve never heard beforeAsking questions to the ceilingNever knowing what you’re thinkingI’m afraid that what we had is goneThen I think of the startAnd it echoes a sparkAnd I remember the magic electricityThen I look in my heartThere’s a light in the darkStill a flicker of hope that you first gave to meThat I wanna keepPlease don’t leavePlease don’t leave

.. so i guess this could be them thinking of breaking up and him secretly being selfish and hoping (back in 2009) for a future reunion (viz. present day 2016).. he couldnt say that out loud cuz they were so young and he probably thought he’d move on and find someone else so, better not to keep Holly hanging, right?

And now, coming to all those rumored girlfriends he’s had during 1D era.. i dont know about about all of them.. but, amy, ellie, barbara, melissa, selena are few of the names that floated around.. each of them latched on to him most likely due to his fame.. if any of them were indeed dating him seriously, none of them could probably keep up with his vivacious personality, his loyalty towards that anglo-irish friend circle, his constant on-the-road life, etc. that ultimately led to insufficient boyfriend time, which obviously none of them were okay with.. neither would you be if you were a teenager.. so none of those supposed 'girlfriends’ hold dear to niall’s ailing heart imo.. certainly not enough for him to write a break-up song about.. plus, he’s good friends with almost all of them even today (his instagram activity checks that out)..

BUT, maybe he reflected back upon these casual relationships too to look for inspiration when he hit that “bad-song-writing” phase he talks about.. maybe it was during this phase that he realised that he was looking back at his teenage love-life from an “adult” Niall Horan’s point-of-view.. maybe it was during this time that he sat along with other songwriters and bounced off ideas.. maybe it was during this phase that he decided to take a back-seat on the lyrics front and focus on writing melodies instead.. maybe it was during this time that they wrote songs like On the Loose and Mirrors. Maybe this was also the time he remembered watching House of Cards on netflix.. maybe that was when he probably flipped the title and wrote down Paper Houses in his notebook.. and then came across the note during these writing sessions and they wrote the song around it? maybe by now he was in “good” song-writing zone again and thus songs like The Tide and On My Own were born? I remember him saying they wrote On My Own in a frustrated drunken state.. there was a lot of shouting of lyrics in the studio.. they were letting out their frustration with their single-lives and lack of good inspiration i guess LOL..

Anyways, going back to speaking of “Niall Horan - the adult’s perspective”.. i guess this version of Niall was also curious to know whether Holly or any of his ex’s suffered heartbreak the way he did.. he probably wanted to include the girl’s point of view as well on his album, especially after all that venting out they did in previous songs, it’s only fair to hear out stuff about heartbreak from the other end, right? He’s a 21st century lover after all.. believes in equal opportunity.. understands that relationships and heartbreaks are a two way thing.. maybe this is when he really looked up to the talent that is Ruth Anne Cunningham.. cuz, i find it hard to believe that Niall or any man would conjure up lyrics that resonate so well with a girl’s point of view without having a female co-writer on board.. so here we are with beautifully written songs such as Seeing Blind, Fire Away, You and Me and Since We’re Alone ! Also, since we are on the topic of Niall being a gentleman, you cant ignore the lyrical play of words in Slow Hands -

“We should take this back to my place”That’s what she said right to my face

can you? Throughout the slow-hands-promo-tour he has been saying, they wanted to twist the song’s sexy vibe and have those words being said from a girl’s point-of-view..

To conclude, Niall has said in his interviews, there was certainly only one girl who he wrote songs about for his album and then there were other songs which are not derived from his personal life but are more inspired by people he is surrounded by in his day-to-day life.. some of them maybe about ex’s of his friends who share the same sentiment of breakup as he does.. we’ll probably never know their names and I personally dont think I need that bit of information.. what am i going to do about it? nothing.

If you read this thoroughly, thank you for your patience! :)

#niall #flicker

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thecameldances-blog · 7 years

Text

Why Katlyn Nicole Davis "Suicide" with forced variables Is the saddest moment in U.S. History? This country has came a long way from when it was founded from its 13 colonies to its great 50 states and in only 2 centuries and a half to not only become a superpower but the number one superpower compared to other superpowers being older than a millennium. As I look back the reason why is George Washington's vision for America was the greatest thing to happen to human civilization since the Renaissance because now people were open to express themselves and share ideas and issues human had together George washington said why the hell now that man is civilized do we have to listen to this King who just takes our daily breads and sends his Dukes who basically can pillage or rape any woman they chose so after 250 years of being here and every human on earth dreams of everyday where rights are not granted but are guranteed and the little voicet is always heard whether it be a minority group or a single human being there voice is heard and this is the reason U.S. has became what it is today. Ok over this time this country hasnt been perfect us as human beings always make mistakes whether siding with the wrong country or abusing power over their own citizens due to economic panic and stress. This country went to war 20 years after it was founded due to not renewing a bank contract but came out with minor damages but still stride on.U.S. learned that although the Bank plays a major role in the economy they must be kept an eye on due to some of the bankers will choose greed of dignity Then there was the Mexican American war where General Zachary Taylor freed Mexicans from tyranny people oppose this today but they didnt know that the Mexicans living in California through Utah were begging U.S. to aide then for decades on end to help them from unjust treatment and General Zachary Taylor decided it was finally time becsuse he couldnt bear another cry for help from them. U.s. learned from this that people living under tyranny are in need of aide just as much as the american citizen. Civil war where hundreds of thousands were killed but still this country survived also realizing all races deserve George Washington's vision for america. See man just became civilized 15000 years ago and its a learning process but if man isnt expose to the issues then he wont even bother thinking their issues to begin with. Then there was world war 1 which u.s. fought someone elses war and lost hundreds of thousands lives but u.s. realized that me and my brother will fight the opressing forces but if our cousins are being opressed is just as bad as if we are. Then came the great depression when business took greed over self dignity and caused havoc on the economy u.s. learned we were just transcending from Colonials days 100 years prior and it wasnt about going out in the wild to hunt or gather wood it was the start of the modern world then world war 2 and korean and vietnam and Iraq wars which U.S. has fought and one I always admired about U.S. Wartime Generals they always proved that they actually took Self dignity over greed especially my favorite General in history General Mcarthur because his love for this country the way he went about the war and the fact he had a chance to ransack Japan for Billions if he wanted when they surrendered but he took Dignity of Self greed and honored the true American tradition and what it meant to him if that wasnt the case thrn General Mcarthur grandson wouldve still been the Emperor of Japan. All these wars hundreds of thousands of lives were lost as General Swharkopf put it 1 life loss is 1 to many and not to mention each life loss strikes tragedy in their families and burdens on their communities. Then came 9/11 which effect every American but aftwerwards the United States reformed its U.S. Policy and reminded us that we are not invincible although we are strong willed. So why is it that Katlyn Nicole Davis tops all these as the saddest moment in U.S. History. The first is the story itself a 12 year old American girl commits suicide that alone will strike at any mans heart.:( Then everyone wants to know why Katlyn why did she do it. The media states she did it because her moma was a child abuser thats why she did it:(:( before any real investigation could be inducted the news and media were coming out with stories on how the family had problems at home amd her being abused at home was a key factor to her suicide and she wasnt healthy. Katlyn for a 12 year appeared alright to me Her mom. Fed her clothed her and held her in her stomach for 9 months to my judgement katlyns mon took care if her dsughter better than most out there. Then bloggers all over the internet added insult to injury stating she did it because her moma was a child abuser and a whore.:(:(:( The fact no one really takes bloggers as credible source but it wasnt just one it was a lot of them pointing at her mom saying it was because she was a whore. then add in the fact it was all recorded with her applogizing to god for her selfishness and even worst when she said i just dont deserve this I dont deserve to live immediately whrn i heard her say This i said aloud then none of us do Katlyn and after she commited suicide 10 minutes in you hear her moma in panic stricken voice yelling for her daughter to come home calling all her friends all in the background sound and also the one that felt like my heart just was hit when Katlyns 5 year old brother AJ was heard yelling for Ms. Katlyn to come home while her lifeless body was hanging from that tree. All you here is a little boys voice yelling KAaaTTLYYYYN See Katlyn was a victim of internet stalking and voice 2 skull which caused her to commit suicide it wasnt her moma. In between her saying Im sorry Everyone Im sorry everyone. You can hear a ssssss sound now in slow motion you can hear the elf noise of a older woman saying Soorrrey what i think happened is the fact you need 2 things for v2k to work elf wave sound and white noise. The elf wave is 1 to 40 and the white noise is the background noise which is important for the elf wave to catch onto the the white noise can be anything from car engine to fan or thunder or wind.but if the wave doesnt catch onto the white noise properly the wave sound will be louder than the white noise and thats what happened with the sorrrrey part in her video. She was a 10th generation 12 year old American girl needless to say she shouldve been on the U.S. top priority for defense. Again she was a 10th generation 12 year old american girl wouldn't you think that is what every u.s. citizen considers must be top of the defense list and with 52% of the u.s. budget spent on defense every year it should be a gurantee Katlyn would live her entire life forced suicide or not forced with 52% spent on defense their is plenty of money to protect her civil rights yet no one says a word on this and they ruled a 12 year old girl commited suicide due to negligence at home. Now put yourself in her moma shoes now I mean Katlyn looked healthy to me her moma took care of her but your daughter just commited suicide and everyone in the nation calling you a whore and a child abuser.This is the turning point of the United States downfall I gurantee it this is the moment I can really say after 250 years standing strong this country is going to shits. Katlyn Nicole Davis 10th generation 12 year old american girl your definition of Innocent and your definition of American pie taken advantage of by people with to much control and technology and no one seems to care.I shall mourn you until I die Katlyn you become my Virgin Mary of Phycological Warfare I will never forget you I promise in due time I will go to your hometown 20 miles west of Atlanta (Cedartown) find your moma and say my condolences for your daughter you were a good mom you took care of her may i put these flowers under her tree in the backyard and if she lets me i will go back their look up at that tree and say this Katlyn Nicole Davis O' Great blessed Virgin Mother of God protect me from my demons forgive those who have sinned Attract health abundance love and prosperity O' great blessed Virgin Amen put the flowers under your tree and leave Now I aint no christian or anything but thats what Katlyn believed in and I respect that all in thanks to George Washingtons vision for America. Maybe it started out in the Colonial days fueds between the Protestants and the Quakers but the his concept is the most beautiful concept now this is a fact every man for himself its a dog eat dog world out there and this country has a tendency to turn the other cheeck but i said to my self if you get played for your money or your honey then like Thomas Edison said quote "Its American Humor" needless to say some people go to far but on the end the its mostly the fools fault but that one piece paper brought man to common sense is George Washingtons Vision for America which is the Checks and balance that has been bestowed in the hearts of Men since 1776. Ok he just lost his house and his wife but in respect to the constitution let him attain his self pride and whatever self esteem he has left not in his namesake I aint worried about him but the in giving props to George Washington. See Colin Kapernick is a idiot not standing for pledge of allegiance no one cares Kapernick your a atheist a Quaker its not for that purpose in the nation of freedom of religion you can pray to anything you want but the pledge of allegiance is not about giving respect to god although god in my eyes is most important but pledge of allegiance is about giving props to George Washington for the greatest idea since the renaissance.To mankind: Katlyn Nicole Davis (Itzdolly) I never met you and oddly enough were exact opposite in the demographic scale of every demographic scale living on opposites sides of the united states but I mourn your death everyday I miss you everyday and I love you I truly believe George Washington hung himself with Katlyn Nicole Davis This poor girls rights were completely violated and after it all no justice was served and injustice was added to the victims family:(:(:(:(:( RIP Itzdolly Ms. Katlyn Nicole Davis the saddest moment in American history its not just her stalkers fault but its also my fault and and all 350 000 0000 Americans in this country Katlyns blood is on all our hands and we will all be punished from our greater power for this. It is if like everything Benjamin Franklin George Washington Andrew Jackson worked so hard for and stride on for 250 year of trial and error went down the drain sfter what had happen to Katlyn Nicole Davis, Why my dad struggled so hard in Fall of 1969 to get over with only $10 in his pocket. He had that immigrant hope of a better future for him and his family only deemed possible in the United States. My father who worked for Union Pacific for 23 years fathered 6 children and will add to the American roots. My name is Mohamed Saleh and I am a 2nd generation Arab American from California. I know the world is not perfect and Man struggles to survive everyday but the fact Katlyn had double coverage and yet she was taken advantage of the fact she was protected by the Constitution and the Unwritten rule in the hearts of men should've guaranteed her to live her life. I have 2 sons now and I hope 10 generations down the road I have a grand daughter here in United States that will have the free spirit and love that Katlyn Nicole Davis had. Katlyn Nicole Davis was a 10th generation 12 year old American girl your definition of innocent your definition of American pie. R.I.P. Itzdolly Feb. 20th 2006-Dec.30th 2016 Mohamed Asker Saleh

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