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ladyloveandjustice · 8 months

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Otherside Picnic Volume 8 Review that Devolves into a Bunch of Quotes and Gushing

I’ve been wanting to do a review of Otherside Picnic Vol 8 because I loved it so much, but haven’t been in the right mindspace to properly convey my enthusiasm. But I’m about to get busy so it’s now or never. Here are my thoughts that are inevitably going to devolve into a bunch of quotes and gushing. Let's just go through it all!

-I loved this so much, first off. It literally inspired me to have an honest discussion with my partner about my own intimacy and relationship quirks and what we want from each other. It made me feel a little better about myself and my own weirdness, that’s how much it affected me. It really got across the relief of just communicating in a relationship, of having frank conversations with your partner, and accepting your differences from the mainstream as okay.

-The conversation about romance, love, and sex being different actually made me tear up, which is how I knew this book would murder me from the beginning. It’s just so nice to see one of my favorite yuri and favorite romantic stories ever acknowledge asexuality and the full spectrum of experiences in such an understanding and thoughtful way.

-I love that this book really recontextualizes the oblivious-to-love protagonist, slow-burn and often stalled development that aren’t uncommon in animanga adjacent media romances and made it into something incredibly interesting. This was already hinted at in previous volumes, but Sorawo’s disconnect with her own feelings and slowness in responding to Toriko wasn’t just to tease the audience, but because her view of romance and her understanding of her own feelings conflicted with societal ideas of romance and it left her lost and confused. It makes everything that came before it so much more meaningful. This is also extremely relatable, and I love that Sorawo was frustrated with the idea of her relationship fitting into a socially acceptable box, when she felt what she had with Toriko was a lot more complicated and far reaching and didn’t want to define it so neatly.

-Honestly reading about Sorawo not being all that into kissing and basically being like "I don't hate it but it doesn't do anything for me" made me feel a little bit less alone and little more confident in talking about this aspect of my experience. ME TOO. GIRL.

-Every single yuri should have a line like “sounds to me like you’re a raging lesbian” from now on. How can anything ever live up to this.

-Toriko looking into sexual abuse gave me a heart attack because at first I thought she was trying to understand what happened with her and Satsuki. But she was researching Sorawo, because the stuff with the Red Person made her realize Sorawo has trauma and I felt so vindicated about my article. Then we have the hilarity of Sorawo, who literally has a “cult mode” when she’s made to relive where she had to deal with abuses from cults, where she becomes like a different person and talks to herself like she’s a separate person and is disconnected from her normal self…claiming she doesn’t have lingering cult trauma and doesn’t dissociate.

And then Toriko going “uhhhh what about the Red Person?”

“Huh oh that didn’t count. Cuz your love saved me.”

THE most un-self aware person, I love her.

(And EVERYONE knows it, especially Toriko, loved this exchange:

“Don’t try to force something I’m not aware of onto me.”

“Sorawo, there aren’t many things about you that you actually display self-awareness of.”

“Wow, insulting much?!” )

-The fact Toriko noticed how thirsty Sorawo was for her the second they met is so funny and makes that scene 100 times better in hindsight.

“It took me by surprise. Here I am, holding you in my arms, and you go and stare at my face, then your eyes start working their way down. I was like, ‘Girl sure has a lot of energy for someone who almost drowned.’”

“So, what? When you were talking about me ogling you before, you meant—”

“Yeah, right from the get-go. From the moment you saw me for the first time.”

Sorawo didn’t realize she was doing it…the entire exchange is hilarious. SO much of this book was hilarious honestly, here are some other choice quotes:

Who would’ve known there could be such a touching scene right next to a shelf stuffed full of erotic manga with titles so incredible that I couldn’t possibly name them...?

And this, the best love confession ever:

“I love you! I love you!”

“For real?”

“Apparently!”

-I really liked that Toriko was genuinely worried Sorawo might not have consented to the previous kisses and might be bothered by them. It built on the ongoing theme of Toriko struggling with emotional and physical boundaries, giving her such good character growth, and It shows a concern and care most stories gloss over.

…Which is kind of a stark contrast to the lack of concern she shows about that time she hit Sorawo in volume 6, despite Sorawo bringing it up as a problem. This has been an ongoing issue that’s bothered me, and it’s been mentioned often enough I hope Miyazawa is going to actually do something to address it. He DID address the questionable consent of the earlier kisses, going beyond my expectations, so I actually have my fingers crossed this is something we’re going to explore and confront. It’s really jarring compared to the rest of how well everything else has been handled, and is the only mark against the story, so I’m hoping this is intentional. The Toriko who worries Sorawo might have been sexually abused and goes above and beyond to try to be sensitive and understand her and the Toriko who is dismissive of the time she hit her (now) partner seem so in opposition to each other, and I there could be some interesting exploration and resolution of that.

(Miyazawa does mention something about having to treat serious issues casually because of Sorawo's detached, cynical POV and hoping readers will understand; and I think it's likely he was referring to that, which gives me more confidence).

-Sorawo understands Toriko’s moms are lesbians now I’m so proud of her.

-the fact that Toriko wanted to fuck in her dead parents bedroom …she has so many problems, I cherish her.

-I loved getting more Toriko backstory and her moms. Love Sorawo being like “wow I probably should have asked about this but…” YES YOU SHOULD HAVE, FOR MY SAKE. But Sorawo’s focus on living in the here and now, and being content with the Toriko in the here and now, is such an interesting aspect of her.

-EVERYthing about the final scene was so good. Like how can I even talk about it? Toriko fucking Sorawo with her weirdass interdimensionally-corrupted hand while getting jazzed by Sorawo's magic eye is just PEAK lesbian fantasy, no other series had delivered this exact weirdness that I want, thank you for being there for all of us bizarre sapphics.

“I...might make you go crazy.”

“That’s okay.”

Toriko’s hand drew closer. It meant something different now than it had before. If Toriko touched me now, I’d be the one to go insane. She snuggled up to me, so close our noses could touch, and with a voice full of heated passion, she whispered, “Let’s go crazy. Together.”

“Girl hit me with your evil eye, let’s get real fucked up” I love them, they’re such freaks and I am here for it. THE PASSION. THE METAPHOR. THE PURE CHUUNI WISH FUFILLMENT.

-Honestly I just highlighted the entire final scene because it hit me right in my weird gay little soul the way few other things have and I want to be able to whip these out the next time some loser says wlw media doesn’t have poetic declarations of love and passion so I’m just going to go through them.

Here’s one:

But that’s not what happened. Toriko looked beautiful, opening before me like a flower in bloom, and I was aware of every minute branch of the tree, down to their very tips…[]

Toriko became rude, polite, lewd, or embarrassed. I didn’t have the composure to focus or think as I watched, so Toriko changed from one thing to another as my gaze wandered. Laughing, getting angry, crying, fearing, moaning—feeling as if she were flowing from one state to the next, in constant flux, and yet in all of them simultaneously.

Sorawo accepting all sides of Toriko, all her complexity, how she’s everything all at once! And the fact they have such amazing sex they basically GO TO THE OTHERSIDE? Dimension transcending lesbian sex? Showstopping, incredible.

The way her hand moved, tracing the outline of my body—its true outline—was as gentle as could be, sensitive yet bold, overflowing with care, incredibly unreserved, and audacious. It felt like it was packed full of all the experiences of being touched by another person. In another way, different from mine, Toriko was unraveling the person that I was too. I was being decomposed, broken apart. The things that had been pressed into a human form were decompressed, and expanded outwards without limit.

This is how you do a sex scene. If your partner doesn’t unravel you and make you see all the shattered pieces of yourself, is it even worth it? I love the motif of falling apart but becoming more whole at the same time- isn’t that just every human experience all wrapped up into one?

I had been afraid to look at Toriko. Toriko had been afraid to touch me. Now, as we were looking at, or touching, our partner directly, tossed about on the waves of madness, we began to gradually find a way to take control of the situation.

The idea of how maybe you can’t help losing your minds when you look and feel all the other person is…but maybe if you lose your minds together it will be okay. Romance.

These two beasts with all these bodies converged through their desire for one another and were bound together. We were blending together at the interfaces where we connected. The different ‘us’s melted together, without ever becoming a perfect whole, but without fully separating either. Like a chimera made from two types of living being. Or two galaxies colliding.

“We became a chimera” is the absolute nerdiest way to describe making love and thus perfect for them (also lol the beast with two backs).

That’s too long, so how about shortening it to Soratori?” I burst out laughing as I remembered the time she’d tried to use the name Soratori Road for what we now called Route 1 in the other world. “

That’s like one of those ship names,” I told her.

“What’re those?”

“You’re a mangaka’s daughter and you don’t know that?!”

“Nope, not a clue. Is it something dirty?”

“Well, maybe?”

“Hmm.”

Okay, so Sorawo is clearly in some fandom and ships something. Place your bet on what it is. Probably she ships creepypasta monsters.

Do you know what the ‘nue’ is?”

“It’s a Japanese monster, right? Made up of a bunch of different animals mixed together.” “Yeah, that’s the one. As an extension of that, the word can also refer to something that doesn’t have a discernible form.”

[...]

While we were there, the two of us got all mixed up together, right? Intertwined, melting into one, like animals... Depending on how you look at it, you might say we were like a nue.”

“So, basically, if you wanted a word to represent our relationship, we wouldn’t be ‘lovers,’ or ‘accomplices’...but a ‘nue’?”

Okay forget what I said this is ACTUALLY the nerdiest way to describe your relationship. And speaking of nerds, I love this stupid conversation:

“It’s cute. Nue. I like the sound of it. Maybe I’ll get a tattoo of the kanji.”

“You’d take it that far?”

“You’re not gonna get a matching one?”

“They might not let us in the hot springs in Japan anymore. You sure?

” “Huh?! I wouldn’t like that... You think it’d be okay if we put them somewhere no one will see?”

“Where would no one see? This is sounding painful, and I’m not really on board with it.”

“Wha?”

Anyway, yeah, this section was everything I wanted, no notes. Toriko and Sorawo have the most demented, fantastical sex possible, having a threesome with the otherside because they all are strange and wonderful, being the nerdiest dorks it’s possible to be, their relationship is now a chimera because that’s even better and more all encompassing that something boring like lovers, Miyazawa really gave us it all, love wins, gays win. What more can I say? I adore this series.

#otherside picnic #otherside picnic 8 spoilers #my reviews #books #yuri #sorawo kamikoshi #toriko nishina #soratori

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clangenrising · 1 month

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the absolute chokehold this blog has on me is seriously crazy im soo in love with your work.

youve probably been asked this before, and if thats the case i apologize- but im curious... considering the canonical Cat Homophobia amongst the city cats, how does Scorch feel about it? I mean we all know that girl is queer and has flirted (albeit playfully) with women in the past but being around #1 Bigot Razor all the time can't be a good thing for... anyones moral standings, internalized or not.

either way she has some serious issues to work through before jumping into another relationship i fear. sorry scorch not even a pretty women can solve ur Various Issues... we will get there eventually girl i believe in u.

(ps i know towing the line in asks between trivia/clarification questions and "this is something i want to be extrapolated upon in the text rather then just telling you" questions is hard so if this is one of those i totally get it lol, and im sure i speak for most of us other askers as well ^_^)

Wow I have so many people in chokeholds it seems XD I'm flattered. Also, I appreciate the understanding. Luckily, this is something I feel comfortable answering.

Lucky for Scorch, she grew up in a completely different town with a much chiller community. As a kit she was taken in by a group of female cats who raised their kits communally and at least some of them were in romantic relationships with each other. So she doesn't have the sort of unthinking, automatic 'that's weird' response that cats in Razor's city tend to have.

You're not wrong that being around Razor definitely had an effect on that but the effect was mostly her realizing she had to tone it down when she was in town. There were rumors originating in her earlier days in the city that she swung both ways (we learn that in one of the early Aldertail POVs) but she mostly played it off and escaped too much flack for it.

But yeah, her issues are a lot more with just general intimacy and the seeds were there even before she came to Razor's city. To some degree, it made not being able to be queer in the city easier because Scorch doesn't consider romantic love to be anything she would be interested in. She's a real Romance Pessimist, you know, like the kind of woman who starts a rom-com being like 'love is fake and I'll never fall in love' XD Hopefully she'll follow the rest of the rom-com arc

Oh my god new Hallmark Movie AU where Saoirse goes to a tiny town on business and meets handsome lumberjack-or-whatever, Rayna, who convinces her to love Christmas and leave her shitty business boyfriend. Fuck I want fanart of this now. 100 RisingBucks to anyone who delivers

#not art #asks and answers #anon asks #Scorchplume #RisingClan AU #Human AU #RisingBucks are my new official currency and you cannot spend them they are purely for clout #RisingBucks

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yakuzacanons · 7 months

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Hallo! First of all, thank you about headcanons, even though I found this blog just a few days ago, I already read mostly everything and they are wonderful!

And secondly: what do you think about the characters' love language? I get some ideas, but it's very interesting what you can write about it.

Thank you in advance, and have a nice day!

This is so sweet and YES love languages are very good. I'm just gonna be operating off the big 5 basic love languages: words of affirmation, gift giving, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. I know there are probably other specific offshoots of these but I'm keeping it simple. Thanks for your patience and have a good one!

ALSO I am done with Yakuza 6 and am on Yakuza 7 so 6 related asks are officially ok. Ichiban coming soon, promise.

Kazuma Kiryu: Words of Affirmation

Kiryu isn't always the best conversationalist but he's a really good emotional support person. Great at hearing people out and even better at comforting or motivating them. In his most romantic of moments, he can be quite expressive, even if a little blunt.

Majima Goro: Quality Time

You'd think by the amount of weird and cutesy nicknames he gives everyone, especially his significant other and Kiryu, that he'd be a word of affirmation kind of guy but Majima actually just wants to spend the most amount of time possible with his boo. Spends the night as often as possible. Plus, spending quality time means he's got time to do all the other love languages and more.

Akiyama Shun: Gift Giving

Bless his silly stupid head but Akiyama is sorta no thoughts head empty. Less of a smooth talker and more just really lucky at saying the right thing. Great at planning gifts though, especially experiences like vacations, concerts, or festivals.

Saejima Taiga: Acts of Service

Out of all the boys, Saejima is the most traditionally manly man. Holding the door open, walking on the part of the sidewalk closest to the street, paying for the bill when on a nice date, etc. It's a total contrast to the brutish vibe people tend to get off of him but in reality Saejima is just REALLY nice and he figures there's no better way to say it than just showing it.

Tanimura Masayoshi: Gift Giving

In an ideal world, Tanimura would actually be a quality time type of guy but work gets in the way too much for that to be realistic. He compensates by getting you lots of gifts. Nothing too lavish but lots of small things, like your favorite snack while he was at the store because he thought of you or surprising you with a new CD by your favorite singer. For fancier gifts, they usually have lots of cultural significance than monetary value.

Ryuji Goda: Physical Touch

Even though Ryuji can afford to spoil you rotten with gifts, which he will do anyways, his love language is actually physical touch. The gifts are a nice gesture but its the physical intimacy that carries way more meaning to him personally. He won't go full PDA on you but he'll still hold your hand in public or have his arm around your shoulder. He always finds some way to gain physical closeness to you, even if it's not the most upfront or obnoxiously romantic way.

Nishikiyama Akira: Quality Time

He pretends his love language is gift giving because he wants to impress you but in reality he just wants some one-on-one time, just you and no one else. That becomes rather apparent once he realizes he doesn't have to try hard to seem cool in front of you. Secretly just a cozy little guy.

Mine Yoshitaka: Gift Giving

Total gift giver and not ashamed of it. Has a gift for everything. He's also pretty gentlemanly to acts of service sometimes end up going hand in hand with his gifts. In the bedroom though he's a words of affirmation type of guy. Probably the only one of the guys who distinctly changes his love language when having sex versus just spending time with his romantic partner.

Dojima Daigo: Words of Affirmation

Don't be mistaken, Daigo values quality time a lot but is often not available consistently to actually be with you due to how hectic his work is. Behind his somewhat quiet and hesitant demeanor is actually a man who just wants to sing you the praises you deserve and he will do his best to say so whenever he can.

Shinada Tatsuo: Physical Touch

Cuddle buddy supreme. Would smother you with hugs and kisses if he could. Loves laying his head on your shoulder or just snuggling up to you. In colder weather, he'll totally find excuses to be even closer to you, like holding your hand and putting both of your hands in his coat pocket before saying something dumb like "Now we can hold hands AND be warm!"

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noblebs · 6 months

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🏷️🎁🤲👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💘

thank you Kraken! 🖤 I'm just going to keep answering these for Orion, I'm sure everyone's sick of hearing about him by now but Im not ready to talk in-depth about my two newer characters yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🏷️: What is their full name? Do any of their names have any special meaning? How did you come up with them?

haha his full, complete, real name is just Orion. he tacked on Murphy as a surname to blend in better with humans, but it has no significance tbh

it’s just a name Ive always really really liked the shape & sound of, I briefly thought about renaming myself Orion before I picked Skylar so it was still fresh in my mind when I was making him

🎁: If they needed to give a friend a gift, how would they go about choosing one? Would they buy it, make it, or do something else? Would others consider them good at gift-giving?

ooh Orion would probably be great at gift-giving, but she does it very rarely. I think fae consider giving gifts uncouth at best* so it's not her first inclination, but yeah if she decided to do it she'd look for something she knows would be meaningful/relevant to their interests and personalize it in some way on top of that. you better believe if she's going to do something it's going to be over the top

*fae are all about social contracts and interpersonal debts, so giving a gift without expecting something in return is like walking up to someone and saying, "I do not want to be friends with you." fortunately Orion has assimilated into human society well enough to know that they fucking love it when you do that

🤲: Do they have any deep desires that they don't talk about and/or don't even realize they have? Do these desires conflict with their main goal at all?

ohohoho okay so, Orion has wanted to become human for ~20 years because of the death of her human lover. she has deliberately gotten herself stuck and refuses to let herself grieve + move forward

but she's just about reached a breaking point. you can't dwell in grief and loss forever, eventually something has to give. so deep down, part of her wants to just let it go and move on, but she's terrified of doing so because she doesn't know what else to do with herself

she's also desperate for intimacy and love/acceptance, but she can't bear the thought of another loss, so she either pushes people away or holds them so tightly they get sick of it and leave on their own. these are not feelings I can relate to or have drawn from any experiences btw

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦: What is their family like? Are there any family members that are particularly influential and/or important to them (whether in a positive or negative sense)?

I am so proud of what I've come up with for Orion's family! so he has 3 parents - Aries, Fornax, and Lacerta. yes their family members must always be named after constellations. he probably has a couple grandparents floating around, but he's never met them, and no siblings. his parents were his whole world growing up. I could write essays about each of them, suffice to say they are very loving but Aries and Fornax just can't understand why she's all hung up on non-fae people, Lacerta is more supportive but also has a more hands-off approach to parenting

💘: Do they have a "canon" romantic partner? If so, who is it and what is their relationship like? If not, what kind of person would be the optimal romantic partner for them (the most interesting narratively, not necessarily the healthiest/what they think their preferences are)?

in writing, no, and as much as I want to write a subplot for that, I feel weird about doing so BECAUSE

in game, there's this one motherfucking NPC who was introduced in I think our 3rd session. I adore him but I'm worried I as a player have missed my chance lol. if Orion doesn't get to be obsessively codependent with this depressed demonic senior citizen then what's the point!!

#oc orion murphy

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crisiscutie · 9 months

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I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable when I ask this, and thank you for taking your time to read it, but do you plan on writing any incest relationships with Sephiroth and the darling, Father/Daughter or Brother/Sister, and I’m not really talking about Dissidia Sephiroth or Brother complex, but an AU where the darling and Sephiroth are closesly related, I took interest in those topics and I imagine Sephiroth manipulating the darling to think it was okay to do fall inlove with him, or create or more romantic and intimate relationship with eachother, I have been interested in those subjects, having someone you really trust use your vulnerability to manipulate you to thinking something is okay, and the effects it will have on the victim after realizing they were wrongly exploited by those they trusted most, I’m sorry if it’s super weird.

Hi anon, you are absolutely fine to ask this and thank you for being so thoughtful! No need to feel weird, as this blog is foremost, an 18+ Dead Dove: Do Not Eat blog. As everyone who follows this blog should know, dark and disturbing content (that doesn't go against my rules and site rules ofc) will be discussed and posted when the opportunity shows. I will try my absolute best to tag everything, but even then, I'm only human and will be bound to make mistakes. If I mistagged or something lacks a tag, let me know!

I know there are followers of mine who may be triggered by certain topics, yet continue to follow me, their support is equally valued alongside my other followers. This is one of the other big reasons why I want to tag so much. If you guys hadn't already, please go into your account settings and make use of the site tag filters! There are 3rd party extensions you can use too, like tumblr savior.

Now, let's get into an analysis (and my opinion) of this matter.

Content Warning: NSFW, Discussions of Incest, Daddy/Mommy Issues. Psychological Abuse.

I also find those dynamics to be interesting as well. I think Post Nibelheim Sephiroth would probably use manipulative tactics to stay close and maintain control over her. His darling, whether she be his wife, sister, daughter, or someone else, will always be his possession. Anyone who could threaten their closeness and his control, be they a friend or a romantic rival, will be dealt with.

My opinion comes from what I've seen of Sephiroth's behavior as he spiraled into darkness. Throughout the Nibelheim Incident and in the FF7 series, Sephiroth was clearly lovestruck by Jenova, consistently using and showcasing language that one would typically reserve for a romantic partner, even if she was a monster whom he considered to be his true mother. His behavior indicated a deep need for physical closeness and intimacy, as he was highly affectionate and touch-starved, always seeking to be near her and hold her. Like, I think the fact that he cut off HER HEAD doesn't get enough attention. This blonde kid practically cuts you in half, you're pissed off and want revenge but you still want to be with your mother? Cut off your mommy's head and then go stab that fucker, easy solution! This is peak Yandere vibes, I'm telling you.

While Sephiroth doesn't conform to typical human judgment, the Nibelheim Incident illustrated just how unorthodox his thinking truly is... Just that, that time was where his downfall started...

Anyway, judging from his interactions with Jenova, I don't see why he wouldn't be the same way with a darling who is blood to him. Oh, and at the start of FF7, I believe Sephiroth knows Jenova is not his biological mother, but he consciously insists on this belief because it brings comfort to his hurt soul. He even said this about Jenova in 7R Rebirth:

"They say she’s a monster. That she can peer inside you, into the very depths of your soul. That she can become those you hate. Those you fear. Those you love."

And I believe he is in control of her. So if Sephiroth wants Jenova to be his mother, she will be. Pretending that Jenova is his mother is his valid coping mechanism for the traumas of his childhood and early adulthood under Shinra. He is even so needy for Jenova's validation that he wants to merge with her and continue her goals of destroying and conquering worlds...

So again, I think he will be the same with a darling. He would bring such instability to her life, driving her to become completely absorbed with him and convinced that he (and Jenova) can provide for all of her needs and desires. Her desperate need for love and validation from him is exactly what Sephiroth wants. A twisted, addicting love between them all. He is a firm believer that families should always stick together after all... I think the person who could be of great help to the darling in terms of showing her the wrong and finding a way out is Cloud. Whether he becomes a love interest or simply a friend, he can make a difference. Problem is, uh, well. Cloud. He's got his own baggage to deal with and probably isn't in a position to support someone else.

I know you said you weren't talking about the Dissidia AU, but Sephiroth's manipulation of the darling's vulnerabilities, particularly her unresolved issues with her father, is extremely important in the Dissidia AU's storyline. Even through they are from different FF universes and are not related, Sephiroth manipulates the Darling's memories of her real father to create a sense of neediness and longing for him as you will see more in the Dissidia NSFW headcanons. He intentionally keeps the darling from unlocking the rest of her memories and going back to her world. I hope to make the complexity of it all understandable and enjoyable for you guys to read. And again, another person who could be the darling's savior is her own childhood friend, who searches for her constantly, as you will also see later in the NSFW headcanons.

Now concerning the question of if I have plans writing actual incest...

I have been contemplating writing an AU which centers on 7R Sephiroth (and maybe C.C. Sephiroth to create a twin Sephiroth show, but I haven't decided yet). It revolves around his conquests as he achieves domination over Gaia with his darling, only to lose her in the final battle. He (by using Jenova) tries to salvage much of her as he can. So by using a combination of his DNA and his lost darling, he can make clones of women that are essentially his and his darling's daughters. Although the clones provided him with companionship and comfort, and he loved them equally, there was always a deep sense of longing for the original darling to be with him as he continued to conquer the cosmos. But there was one clone he met that caught his eyes. He noticed a few traces of the original darling's spirit within her, he became increasingly fixated on her as the story progresses, and the clone is becoming more and more like the original darling... That's what I have now, but that's pretty much the premise... And it's also starring a favorite kink of mine as a theme, if you guess it!

Thank you for this ask!

#sephiroth #ff7 sephiroth #Jenova #c.c rambles #tw: mommy issues #tw: incest #cw: incest #tw: abuse #crisis cutie roundtable #crisis cutie #character analysis #c.c's theories #yandere sephiroth

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joy-drops · 11 months

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this mf long so don't tell me i didn't warn u

been in a rut for over a year

something something autistic burnout

idk the cause or the solution

just trying to survive each day as best i can

easier said than done when everything that brings me joy (ha) is behind a pay wall

that's capitalism baby~

found out fauna is going to the only anime convention i can attend on a reasonable budget.... but im already so broke....

I'd shell out the cash (debt) if it meant guaranteeing a spot at the meet and greet but they might not release info until too late when plane tickets are unaffordable ;_;

i wanna look forward to something because sustaining my sanity on retail therapy and getting high definitely is losing its effectiveness

brain always returns to the loneliness. i know its crippling but how much of my struggle is from that and how much is from my disability... they're both invisible which makes it hard to tell

would having a partner help that much? my gut tells me yes since ill have motivation to live if i have someone to share existence with but that feels like putting all my eggs in one basket and setting myself up for an unhealthy relationship

i like to think i won't fall down that path of toxic codependency like i have in the past tho im not crazy confident based on my track record

Which reminds me I've realized how appealing polyamory sounds to me but I'm terrible in groups I feel like I'd be overwhelmed with more than 3 (including myself) tho who knows what can happen

REGARDLESS i guess i gotta talk to people and make friends since i am incapable of socializing with the intention of dating (trust issues yippee)

i wish i had a crush at the very least. i bring this up often but i fucking miss the feeling of legitimate interest and attraction towards someone

How do I meet someone, become comfortable enough with them, and ultimately find a partnership that satisfies my insane desires???? maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse? Tackling too much at once? Something like that...

Imma be real the only reason I'm active on here is another mechanism to cope with this loneliness (akin to listening to asmr for instant happy brain juice + with the added benefit of "putting myself out there")

My strange fantasy that I'll meet people on here like I did years ago and magically hit it off

AAAAAAUGGHHHHH how did I do it back then it seemed so easy what happened to my social skills (trauma, probably)

How is it I work 2 days a week and am still drained constantly? when will I be free from sleepy bitch syndrome? it's like I've been running on fumes for the past year WHEN WILL I HAVE THE WILL TO LIVE AGAIN

i miss having someone to talk to frequently about everything

i have my besties but unfortunately knowing there's no sexual or romantic attraction there makes it hard for me to get past these barriers?? Is that weird? I wanna be able to be intimate with someone and close but for me that's intrinsically tied to sex and romance. I'm overflowing with platonic friendships to the point where I had to cut off a bunch and leave many people I care about hanging because I simply have no energy to exist anymore

I've been doing my best each day but it only gets harder

The only thing I have energy for is getting high and living inside the fantasies my brain can muster as a means to cope with how lonely I am

I dream of being hugged, of someone touching me, of being accepted for all my flaws and reassured that my existence isn't shameful. I live for the day these might become reality

Since as long far back as highschool I've yearned for intimacy

Physical intimacy specifically since the most I've done is hold hands and lil cute things like that I CRAVE SKINSHIP UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE

Anyway if anybody made it this far hi feel free to confess ur undying love 2 me

#LONG vent #my bs #weh

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aroaceconfessions · 2 years

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As someone who's started to define myself as "asexual until proven otherwise" with a track record of relationships turning into friendships, the delineation is starting to become confusing and frustrating to me. I don't get why a romantic relationship (commonly, societally, expectedly) needs to have sex attached.

I've fully written out a list of what I think a friendship, best friendship and relationship mean. (The explanations I've seen even on aroace parts of the internet are usually annoyingly circular, "it is what you define it as" or "you know it when you feel it". That's useless to me at the moment, I wanted to have a logical system) As far as I can tell, romantic love is just:

- an eventual best-friendship with all the close understanding, shared interests and spending time together

- that affects you emotionally on a more profound level (you're giddy about spending time together, you're drawn to be more affectionate to them, you think of them highly in a more capital-R Romantic, poetic way and less conditionally, even though you accept their flaws at this point)

- more trust, especially with physical intimacy. Your boundaries for touching each other will be much more lowered and casual than with family/friends/strangers

- there's a real commitment to share a life. Shared goals, intend to live together, "love is not love which alters when it alteration finds" etc

I don't think I'm aro: despite my failed relationships and personal issues that make me think I can't properly love someone, I do actually want all these things with a person at some point in my life. I just realize now, I don't get why the sex part commonly intersects with the love part. I see why you might need trust/emotional intimacy/a shared life and space if you want to get naked together in the first place, but not the other way around. Like: romance, affection and commitment are great but what about that is supposed to make me want to have sex with someone??? *Intense confusion ensues*

I guess I wanna know if anyone else feels this way and I've just stumbled on how asexual romantic relationships work? I've doubted if I'm Actually Ace or just stuck-up and weird about intimacy for so long, which is why "ace until proven otherwise".

#asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #questioning #dating #relationships #friends #friendship #internalized aphobia #imposter syndrome

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simpfordemetri · 2 years

Text

Alistair soft alphabet

A - Affection (how do they show affection)

He is not used to affection,like at all.

At first he won't show any kind of affection,not until one day you held his hand,and he was confused asf,he didn't understand why you did that.

You explained to him it was completely okay to show affection,and that you were going to be patient.

With the time,he started holding your hand,kissing your forehead and hugs you from behind.

B - Balance (how do they balance you, work/school/life?)

He is a nomad,so he usually doesn't have anything to be busy with,just scape from Carlisle lol.

He can be with you all the time,however,he needs his time alone,he has been on his own all his life,and you respect when he isolate himself for a few hours.

C - Cuddles (do they enjoy cuddling? what positions?)

He enjoy it when he is feeling tired or in the mood for it,he never cuddle anyone and at first it was weird for him.

Once he gets comfortable with it,he will pull you onto his chest,with his chin on top of your head.

D - Date (what was your first date?)

Didn't even know how human dates worked,so he just took you for a walk,enjoying the silent and the questions you asked each other about life.

E - Excited (how excited do they get when they see you/are with you?)

Won't say it but he is so excited everytime he sees you,finally he has someone that he loves and cares about,you can see his eyer light up.

F - Fighting (what happens when you fight)

Honestly fights makes him anxious,he doesn't like it at all,if an argument is about to start,he would sit you down on the coach next to him,and talks things gently.

G - Gorgeous (pet names. what do they like to call you? what do they like to be called?)

He calls you love,he loves the smile that appears on your face everytime he say it.

He loves when you call him Ali,he acts like he hates it but you can see his shy smile.

H - Hi (first time meeting)

He meets you at the Cullen's house,you were a friend of Bella.

You make him company while he was in the attic.

I - Intimacy (how romantic they are)

Surprisingly he is so romantic,once he is comfortable ofc.

He will take you everywhere you want,even if it's include having to socialize,he spoils you with jewelry that he make himself.

Let's you braid his hair,while he whisper how in love he is with you.

He learned how to cook just to make you dinner everyday.

J - Jealousy (do they get jealous? how do they react to you being jealous)

Not jealous at all,just insecure.He thinks you can find someone so much better than him,you reassure him everytime.

He would be surprised if you get jealous,he doesn't show interest in anybody but you,so he looks at you questioning what are you doing.

K - Kisses (where do they like to kiss you/how often?)

He literally waited like five months to kiss you,he was scared of your reaction,what he didn't know is that you were waiting him to kiss you,not knowing if he was comfortable.

His kisses are literally so soft,and slow.Cupping gently your cheeks and leaving small kisses.

L - Love (when was the first time they said I love you or realized it?)

As much as he hated it at first,he knew he loves you since the moment you showed interest in talking to him.

He said it after almost a year of being together,you two where on a walk together,holding hands,and he suddenly said it.

M - Moving in (when do you decide to move in together)

He is a nomad,so you are the one who asks to move in together,even if it's difficult for him stay on the same place for so much time,he accept,with the only condition to move to a house in the forest.

N - Newborn (their reaction to starting a family)

He doesn't want a family,thinks his lifestyle it's not the best for a child,and after Renesmee he doesn't want you to be in danger.

He would addopt a dog or a cat tho:D

O - Open (how open you are with one another)

He is not used to talk about emotions,he doesn't know how to show his feeling or vent.

But with the time,he start talking to you about some things he needs to vent about,little by little.

P - Photos (what kind of photos you take of them/they take of you)

He hates technology,thinks it's not a need,however if you have a phone,you always find the way to take a random picture of him.

Q - Quirks (what random habits do you have that they love or hate/vice versa)

He loves when you touch his hair when you are cuddling,you just can't keep your hands off of his hair.

He hates when you bit your nails,he is scared you would make it bleed and loose control.

R - Recovery (how you help them after an injury/vice versa)

He can't get hurt,but sometimes his anxiety gets so bad,so you prepare him a bath and then take care of him,reading to him or just cuddling him.If he needs to be alone you would let him,but checking on him every few hours.

If you get hurt he gets so nervous,you have to calm him,saying it's nothing too bad.

He would take you to bed and take an emergency kit.

S - Solution (how they resolve fights)

As I said,he sits with you on the coach,asking what bothered you or saying what is bothering him.

T- Touch (when they need/want your touch, what will they do? how often?)

When he feels okay with it and not anxious, he needs your touch,specially he needs you to gently caress his hair.

U - Up ( waking up with them)

He doesn't sleep,but he would let you sleep until late,and then waking you up saying breakfast is ready,leaving a soft kiss in your forehead.

V - Vacation (where they travel with you)

He is a nomad,so he will take you everywhere,enjoying telling you stories he lived in those places.

W - Wedding (how they propose/where you get married/honeymoon)

He doesn't want a wedding,if you want one,he will give you a ring,but that's it.

X - X-factor (what about you captivated them?)

The fact that you were so nice towards him and respected his personal space,not pressing him to do anything.

Y - Yawning (how they act when they’re tired)

He gets a little clingy,snuggling his head on the crock of your neck,kissing it.

Z - Zzzz (how you fall asleep together)

When he make you company on your sleep,he will cuddling you from behind,being the big spoon.

#twilight #the twilight saga #breaking dawn #alistair twilight x reader #alistair twilight #twilight rennaisance #twilight imagine #twilight headcanon

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addictedtostorytelling · 1 year

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Fellow aroace here! With Valentines Day coming up, I have a question.

Does all this shipping ever make you sad? It didn’t use to, for me. But the way you describe Grissom and Sara’s intimacy and comfort with each other is beautiful. They’re better, healthier people when they’re together…I don’t know. Our society isn’t really set up to find that outside of a sexual and romantic context. Has shipping influenced your perspective at all?

Please don’t answer if any part of this makes you uncomfortable : )

hi, fellow aroace anon!

i'm going to tuck my answer after the "keep reading" here, okay?

while i can't say the feeling has ever necessarily been connected to shipping for me, when i was in my twenties, i did experience a kind of mourning for the life i had always been conditioned to expect that i would lead, which i was just then starting to realize was an impossibility for me.

at that time, as i was coming to terms with my aroaceness, i felt heartache over the prospect of being so terminally alone; i was not only sad but even a bit angry that for whatever reason, my biology and/or psychology and/or conditioning had "saddled me" with this weird indisposition toward companionship. it seemed like nature's cruel joke.

not only did i have no interest in having sexual and/or romantic relationships, but i also was such a very private person that i didn't want even a roommate, much less any kind of platonic partnership, even if such a thing were available to me.

for whatever reason, i was "wired" toward complete solitude.

particularly as i watched my friends and siblings pairing off with long-term romantic partners, getting married, having children, etc., i very much had a sense of being on the outside of some of the most fundamentally human experiences looking in, knowing i was incapable of passing over that threshold myself.

i didn't want the sex or the romantic love, but i was also afraid that without them, i'd be lost, unmoored, forgotten about; somehow incomplete; inhuman.

i worried about what would become of me, not only in a more practical/utilitarian sense—who would take care of me when i was old?—but also in the more ethical sense of being concerned about my personal growth and character.

how could i be a full person, i wondered, if i didn't know those most sublime kinds of love, if i never experienced those kinds of intimacy?

there was almost a shame to it and definitely a great deal of fear.

it wasn't until i started to more critically examine some of my underlying assumptions about what i actually wanted for myself in my life and what kinds of things were meaningful to me personally that i realized that a lot of the sadness and anger and shame and fear that i had were inherited feelings, tied to how allo- and amatonormative society generally is.

for my whole life, i had been told that living and dying alone was the worst possible thing, and, frankly, it took a lot of work for me to start to disentangle my actual feelings from that deeply ingrained but ultimately false premise.

part of this process involved starting to live on my own and to carve out a life as a lone adult person sans a romantic partner. the more time i spent by myself, the more i realized how much i liked it.

the other part just involved growing more into myself and becoming more actualized as a person, which is something i think that a lot of people experience going into their thirties.

in time, i realized that i could still be a complete and fulfilled person without experiencing love for a romantic partner and/or child.

while there are plenty of people out there—including fictional ones, like grissom and sara—for whom those kinds of love are their raisons d'être (what is ultimately most edifying and motivating and fulfilling for them), i could draw my inspiration and satisfaction elsewhere.

and it isn't the same, i know.

i have had to come to terms with the fact that there is this whole huge swath of human experience that i will never access; an unknown country i'll never be able to claim the passport to visit.

but there are other things out there, too.

some people might look at my reasons and scoff at how quotidian they are—say that they are not the kinds of things that people write epic stories about, after the same fashion as romantic love.

i've had to learn to be okay with going against those norms and defying those expectations.

in my process of self-acceptance, i looked a lot to my grandmother, who had divorced my grandfather in her sixties and then spent the last three decades of her life living alone. she traveled extensively. researched and wrote the definitive biography on an obscure twentieth-century artist. supported her family members. undertook all sorts of artistic projects. made friends wherever she went. convinced every single one of her thirteen grandchildren that they were, individually, her favorite.

barring when she had guests, she went home to an empty house/apartment every night.

but her life was rich and meaningful.

she found edification in small things.

in her nineties, before she died, she told me that she was so glad to have had so much autonomy in her later life; that she actually reveled in it.

so i've tried to take a similar approach.

my vocation as a teacher and scholar of the arts has become very meaningful to me, as have my friendships, my commitment to being kind, my obligation to keep my dumb cat alive and happy, my identity as a storyteller and writer and a supportive sister and advocate for causes i'm passionate about, even just my role (however small) in making people smile with the pictures and stories i post to the internet.

a lot of people would look at my life and opine that what fills it isn't enough—and especially not to occupy me for the next forty or fifty years.

maybe time will prove them right.

but right now, i am able to find beauty in how i live. i am motivated to better myself. i enjoy living with no one except my cat and cultivating different forms of intimacy aside from the romantic, having different needs filled by different loved ones; "doing it by committee."

though occasionally i am still curious about what romantic love would really be like, most often, i tend to think that maybe the "unknown country" isn't actually so unknown to me after all. foreign as it is, it's still imaginable to me, at least, based on my experiences with other kinds of bonds, different affections.

that's why i can enjoy seeing it in stories.

that's why i can write about it in my fics, despite having never experienced it for myself.

sure, the attraction part i have to purely suppose about, but the parts about devotion, the parts about wanting good things for someone you care about, the parts about finding yourself inspired by someone else—those parts i understand enough, i think, to approximate.

and the rest of what i don't, i'm okay not knowing.

though i do still have some practical concerns about what the future will hold for me as an unpartnered person with no children, the older i get, the more i am not only okay with but genuinely happy in my orientation as an aroace person and contented with my lifestyle.

given the choice, i wouldn't want to be allosexual or to experience romantic attraction.

in my late thirties, i'm not sad to be who i am anymore.

now.

all of the above said, my journey is my journey alone, and i'm certainly not trying to insinuate that you or any other aroace person who does feel that kind of mournfulness is wrong to do so—and neither am i saying that it's something that can just be "grown out of" or that your feelings aren't valid/real.

while i do believe that society being so thoroughly allo- and amatonomative plays a big role in how we as aspec people feel about ourselves and our prospects, i also know that there are many in our communities who do legitimately grieve not being able to engage in sexual/romantic relationships not because that's what anyone has told them they should feel but because that's how they actually do feel, just within themselves.

not everyone can or will come to feel as comfortable in their identity as i have in mine. i know that for a lot people in the community, that regret of not being able to experience sexual attraction and/or romantic love is something that very much "lives where they live." they'll always wish that they could have it; always wish that they were different.

and that's not something light to bear.

i tend to be a very naturally solitary person, even just socially, beyond anything having to do with romance or not.

i like to joke that i am the hermit on the mountain—i love to have pilgrims come to visit me, but i am also totally at peace just chilling up there by myself.

but a lot of aroace folks—probably the majority of them, honestly—have greater social needs than i do. while they might not want romantic partners or spouses, they do long to share their lives somehow; to experience long-term, deep levels of intimacy with one or more people.

to have someone to come home to, as it were.

that's why a lot of aroace folks seek out queerplatonic relationships or surround themselves with platonic friends.

however, those options aren't necessarily either available or appealing to everyone.

like you say, it's not a simple thing to find deep connections outside of the realms of sex and romance.

it can be a very isolating experience, not having an interest in those kinds of intimacy. make it hard to come by companionship, even if one wants to.

so if that's where you are—

honestly, i can't tell you what you should do. the kind of self-examination that helped me come to terms with my situation may not work for you, particularly if you have more of an interest in forming intimate nonsexual and nonromantic social connections than i have, which it sounds like you might.

all i can tell you is that you have every right to curate your life—including how you interact with fandom.

as for the grissom and sara of it all, while they definitely draw their senses of purpose from and experience beauty and healing and growth in their romantic love for each other, theirs is just one kind of experience. there are other characters for whom "transcendence" comes from other sources than romantic love.

for example, catherine.

the same is absolutely true of real life people.

love stories are not only ubiquitous in fiction, but they are also often framed in such a way that they seem like the be-all and end-all in it, with the narrative coming to its culmination only when the characters get married "and live happily ever after."

but they're not the only stories there are.

and other happy endings are possible.

i won't pretend that finding guiding principles, sources of intimacy, motivations for self-betterment, a sense of fulfillment, etc. outside of what society would consider to be the "usual avenues" toward them is easy.

traveling less-frequently trodden ground never is.

but i do know for sure they are possible to find.

there is no one right way to be human.

and there are deep and real and wonderful loves out there—full passions!—that are not predicated on one's ability to experience sexual attraction or romance.

keep looking for yours, anon.

there's a lot of beautiful country out there for us aroaces to explore; parts unknown, just waiting to be mapped.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #about me

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posthumus · 1 year

Text

ok um yeah so basically. cymbeline 2017. the supreme slay. i should be doing an essay revision

so i actually watched this instead of hamlet which i was gonna do for class. it’s very funny to me that this was longer than all the hamlet productions that are available through my school’s library. uneditable masterpiece.

NOT a fan of the weird postapocalyptic setting, though it wasn’t too intrusive for the most part. there’s like this weird drawing of a crouching girl upstage and i kept thinking it was innogen

umm okay so this is like. THE pisani(o/a) show. also very much jachimo, which i think may just be typical of performances—but my god the guy playing him was so good. just in a different stratosphere from everyone else.

pisania is, like, a butch lesbian with a northern(?) accent and it is glorious. i really love it as a casting choice and i think it was a great performance. it makes the dynamic with innogen even more insane, not in a romantic way necessarily (though 3.4 thoroughly delivered on the dyke drama), but there’s a presumed intimacy and protectiveness that’s in the text but heightened.

i’m so curious now how much of a presence other productions give pisanio. it must be a lot. i hedge on him so much because all the critics i’ve read are unimpressed with his lack of interiority, but he’s just so present for so much of the play, i think it’s kind of impossible not to give him a soul.

the one thing that was weird was having cloten assault pisania in 3.5. (there’s also an implication in 4.3 that she’s been suffering regular violence?) i’m not sure how i feel about this. i think i’ve always read pisanio as a very... intangible character, like, being able to pass through walls and stuff. but having her suffer and fight makes her heroic. i love the thing of, like, leal-servant-abandoned (hello twow satin). it gives her substance. she bleeds! idk, this production did have a weird amount of gendered/sexual violence it felt like—with innogen that’s a bit of a given (christ), but there’s also a moment where cymbeline��s captured by the romans and they pull down her pants? for why?

also the fact that pisania’s in the room when corneli(us/a) gives her report, and we SEE her realization that she gave innogen poison. also also her recognition of innogen (and cradling her in her fucking arms) is more affecting than innogen and posthumus ok bye

JACHIMOOOOOO!!!! he’s my best friend forever now. oh my god it was so good. like. um. i get it now i’m sorry about before. what can i say? the italian? the fits? i just want to list every scene he’s in. i really do think he’s in love with innogen in a toxic fictional non-literal way. he was DOWN BAD. sick freak i said that’s my baby. also when he came out of the trunk i was so afraid he wouldn’t have pants on.

i don’t like celebrating anachronisms just for the sake of it but fuck if the introduction to rome doesn’t just put the biggest smile on my face. how can you hate it. it’s goofy in the text and it’s even goofier on stage. the juxtaposition with, like, the cave or the battle or whatever is hysterical.

posthumus was... weird? wasn’t the biggest fan of the performance tbh. i don’t want to hate on him too much because part of it was just a different approach from how i read him—like, he was less of a hero subversion and more scrappy, nice guy vibes. it’s definitely an interesting direction for the character, but i’m kind of too attached to him being a sort of dark examination of heroism. i want his anger to be scary; this was just incel vibes. simmer down pipsqueak ass performance

i was, however, screaming and yelling about cunt posthumus for the jachimo scenes. why was he so sassy

poor cloten the audience was giving him NOTHING the entire time. it was bizarre. i do think they could have gone bigger with his character (and also maybe cast a proper weirdo? the actor was hot idk), but i’m not gonna fault him anything when he’s bawling his eyes out after losing a game and it’s just completely dead silent. he’s funny! he’s the fool!

INNOGEN! can’t believe i haven’t mentioned her yet. she was characteristically perfection, but my god that must be an exhausting role to play. i think she must cry in every scene. she really is the protagonist though, isn’t she—the throughline for the distinct halves of the play, the wager plot and the pastoral bullshit (honorific).

the bros were weird. i do not like to see a white man wolf howl. this is more a case of direction than performances though, they were pretty good little ingenue boys. i liked the belarius actor but unfortunately he is the boringest character on the planet.

the SOOTHSAYER? once again: for why. i know it’s hard to cut anything from the play but i feel like that’s one of the easiest to do away with. mad respect for trying to justify it, though, and good job me for guessing who was following all the characters around super early.

overall: my love! it’s dumb to say but it really warmed my heart to see anyone take this play so seriously. i think they kept the jokes and the entertainment factor while avoiding the meanspiritedness toward the characters it’s possible to fall into.

#two words: butch pisanio #ok night night sike i'm gonna try to post a jachimo scene #rip my odyssey essay you will never be her (again: butch pisanio)#cymbeline #my posts

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hiriajuu-suffering · 2 years

Text

Contact Complacency

One thing I don't like to acknowledge when it comes to missed opportunities is, no matter how much I resent them, I might be guilty to an extent I can't realize of missing opportunities.

Thirteen years ago, as an arguably still lanky and awkward sixteen about to be seventeen year old, objectively speaking that's when I drew the most eyes and had the most interest in romantic exploration externally. Swiping aimlessly through the hellscape of dating social media, I stumbled across a familiar face Sunday evening who I deliberately ignored the advances of because, at the time, I buried myself in the narrative of my own personal success. This particular person, who I will be the first to admit I failed to see the depth of potential in, forewent all the social media we shared some time after high school. All of our mutual friends are totally monogamously committed or were able to flee our hometown and are devoid of the desire to return, not that I imagine either of us want to stay here all that much completely of our volition. The temptation I had to text the number I've had saved for her for thirteen years washed over me: I always thought she was attractive but she hadn't grown into herself yet, she lacked the confidence in herself to rock what she was and she really improved herself to be more attractive in a normative sense. I honestly don't care as much about that, not that I'm not happy for her, I was just expecting her to have been more forward back when I faked the confidence. I'm probably just a left swipe to her at this point, because I deconstructed the haughty self-defeatist front to form my view on social morality today.

It sucks. How does one go from being demanded when fake to being alone when real? I feel like it's obligatory for every person in my past to forget they ever knew me. The last time I really had a best friend was a decade ago. Between Z.A., M.B., A.H., and Y.P., I don't know what happened. I really thought those 4 had to end as lifelong friendships and they completely froze me out. So why take a chance on reinitiating an opportunity I missed when my best friends so readily forgot about me, how can I expect some random who had a crush on me for a few weeks to remember she did when my supposed best friends decided I wasn't worth staying connected to?

I look back on that weird time when I saw myself as lanky, androgynous nearly asexual person and half the MSA of a rival school had a crush on me. Then I ended up dating one of those people 3 years later only for it to end in a glorious flame of lies and brainwashing, as South Asian culture is so good in imparting upon its daughters. One of the things I miss most about high school is feeling part of something and retaining the privileges that come with having certain things locked to the facets of identity. I've been completely and totally without solidarity to fall back on most of my adult life. It's not like I can just do what everyone I grew up with did, date around a clique that prefers you until you find the one that sticks. God, I hate how sick it feels to be comfortable with having such a convenient answer as to why not to pursue a deeper version of love and intimacy when it's an insult to assume convenience delegitimizes the depth of a relationship, as much as I personally believe it.

I have a girlfriend application up to open opportunity, but even I can't say I've really capitalized on every opportunity. I have no doubt in my mind there's some I keep away from my mind like someone who hasn't been on any social media platform I use since I moved back "home". If I'm being honest with myself, I've only put my full heart at stake to be totally vulnerable for the outcome twice and both times were significant contributing factors to how my depression developed. When I did it, I totally overwhelmed my partner and they grew cold and hostile towards me. I likely subconsciously came to the conclusion polyamory was the only solution because I had more emotional intensity to give than a single partner would ever be willing to take, and I know this missed opportunity likely isn't any different.

Life rejects me so regularly, taking the rejection of attempting to revive a missed opportunity when I commanded requisition of romance just feels weak normatively. I know it shouldn't matter to a genuine person, but it still hurts, even if it's only what little pride I have left. At this age, I thought I would be close to my peak level of normative attractiveness. Instead, I look too old for those in their twenties and I somehow still look like a child to those 35+. Oh, and stigmatization of age in heteronormative relationships keeps people in their early 30's away. I'm really too young to be feeling this old, I'm really too old to be feeling this alone.

If you're reading this and choose not to initiate conversation with me, please just initiate. You have no idea how much I would appreciate feeling just a little human when my mind goes down this spiral. Even the slightest bit of effort would remind me I'm worth the acknowledgement to remember, which I can't say I necessarily believe feeling constantly rejected of existence by the world. I'm just a thoughtlessly given left swipe, in almost any social context. Holding out the slightest bit of hope that might change by the end of summer.

I referred to way too many people in this, but if you care to know who anyone above is, it really wouldn't take much more explanation. Plus, I will be totally honest about it. Hate that makes me come off as wantlessly needy instead of just ambitious in my optimism of the human spirit.

#personal

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lucywrites02 · 3 years

Text

From the bottom of my heart

Main Masterlist | FTBOMH masterlist

next part>>

A/N: Yes, that's me starting another series. But worry not! This story will be full of fluff.

Pairing: (he/they) Loki x gn! reader

Series Summary: You love romance and everything that is connected to love. Loki has become your good friend who quickly developed a crush on you. The trickster tries to ask you out and fails every time. Because of his shy nature the god cannot find a good way to do it and his low self-esteem doesn’t help either. And so he decides to try and win your affection by using various Midgardian courting methods, hoping to succeed.

Word count: 656 (This is just the prologue and the next part will be longer :) )

Tag list: @twhiddlestonsstuff @dreamingyouth @xladyxfatex @castiels-majestic-wings @lokistan @amwolowicz @cozy-the-overlord @whatafuckingdumbass @electroma89 @dpaccione @gaitwae @poetic-fiasco @lokitrashfan @weirdfangirl2416 @rorybutnotgilmore @the-emo-asgardian @wolfish-trickster @serpentargo @darkacademicfrom2021 @imnotrevealingmyname @nyx2021 @theaudacitytowrite @high-functioning-lokipath @i-beg-your-pardon-laufeyson @funsized-mimi @aliiiyyaaah @handmaiden-of-mischief

Romance. What a simple word. And yet so confusing. A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love. According to the triangular theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, the three components of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they react to the word "romance". One will say that their idea of romance is holding hands while taking a walk together. Another will say it’s going on a fancy dinner every anniversary. Both were good. And you always found that interesting.

Romance was your thing. Everything from mediocre rom-coms to the most cliche romantic tropes in books and sugar coated ballads. You just loved love. And even though your own attempts at finding love proved fruitless, your fascination with it never stopped. On the contrary.

You were a scientist, working for none other but Tony Stark. You knew the literal formula for love! It was weird how only three chemicals, produced by your own brain could make you feel so many things. It was beautiful. Sometimes even dangerous, but still beautiful. Dopamine + Serotonin + Oxytocin = LOVE. In the eyes of a chemist that was it. But you knew it was way more complicated than that. Human brain was a mysterious place and it was your work to study it.

You found it funny how everyone who heard about your little hobby expected you to be soft and naive. Most likely waiting for your prince charming to come and save the day. Oh, how wrong they were. For anyone who didn’t know you, you seemed cold and intimidating at first. Maybe it’s because of your ‘working face’ as your friend Bruce called it once. You were anything but. Many would describe you as ‘a ball of sunshine’. It was nice. Others, the ones that didn’t like you for some reason, gave you the nickname ‘cinderella’. It was probably meant to be an insult, but you’ve never interpreted it as such. You liked romance. What was wrong with it? Maybe you were sensitive at times, but it’s definitely better than pretending to have no feelings at all.

Loki knew that. As one of your closest friends the god knew about your little obsession. He too found it really interesting. Midgard and Asgard were very different when it came to dating, or as he liked to call it- courting. The trickster had spent hours reading books you recommended and thought they were pretty decent. You even made them a playlist of your favorite songs because Loki mentioned that one time how he didn’t have much knowledge of midgardian music. That little gesture made your friend happier than they’ve ever been. You took a lot of time to do this and that meant the word to Loki. He had a soft spot for you and everyone knew it.

Loki wasn’t surprised when he realized that the feelings he had for you were stronger than friendship. Yes, it was sudden, but not unwelcome. On the contrary. The trickster was glad that you were the person he developed those feelings for. You were kind and treated everyone around you equally- no matter if it was an alien prince, a well known philanthropist or a barista from your favorite coffee shop.

It felt like a fairy tale. Every moment with you was magical and Loki cherished your company more than they’d like to admit.

But you were too good for them. Person like you could never fall in love with someone like Loki. That’s what the trickster thought. Little did he know every time you read a story or listened to a song Loki was the only thing on your mind. You were head over heels for him, but your anxieties wouldn’t allow you to make the first move. Loki wasn’t any better. Both of you spent countless nights, making up fake scenarios and hoping that one day your dreams will come true…..

next chapter>>

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki x reader fluff #loki x y/n #loki is so soft #pure fluff #with a little bit of angst #prologue #from the bottom of my heart

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k-rising · 3 years

Text

Bambam's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol’s natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears in the birth chart. These are my interpretations of the signs and how they work based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and all interpretation and experiences within is valid. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol has confirmed his birth time].

𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠

has a maternal instinct

protective

empathic

generous

doesn't like changes

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐮𝐧 (𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡)

practical

greedy

trustworthy

EXTREMELY stubborn

affectionate when in love

possessive

very sensual

methodical

has a slow pace

likes luxury and comfort

can be materialistic

in love with food

patient

has strong feelings

interested in how others sees him

being successful and having a good reputation is important to bambam

he was born to be a public figure

great willpower to achieve his goals

ambitious

Sun sextile Moon

wants to relate to others as equals

makes others feel comfortable around him

even though bambam does assert himself, he tries not to offend people

has a strong sense of purpose

seeks harmony

his will and emotions work well together

likes feeling attracted to people and he also likes being in a relationship

always finds a way around problems

likes seeing the bigger picture of things

Sun conjunct Venus

tends to say 'yes' to everything

artistic

sociable

hella creative

bambam beautifies everything he touches

Sun trine Mars

unique

confident

brave

competitive

impulsive

combative

Sun square Jupiter

misjudgment

bambam can be misled by his own optimism

his ego gets in the way of growth in some way

Sun square Uranus

unpredictable

nervousness and defensive energy can be possible here as well

has an electrifying and magnetic personality

doesn't like stereotypes

rebellious

can rebel himself too much against authority and society somehow

dislikes being pinned down

fears being judged for being "weird"

bambam can try so hard at being as eccentric as possible

can find it hard to fit in :(

he can also be misguided by other people

Sun sextile Ascendant

it might be easy to gain popularity but he might not know what to do with it once he has it

bambam could receive a lot of awards/prizes throughout his life

stick to his values

known for his integrity and position

very aware of how people view him and how to impress them

noticed and respected

𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 (𝟖𝐭𝐡)

very romantic

a dreamer

intuitive

he automatically tunes in with the moods and thoughts of others

idealistic

tends to isolate himself quite often

his way of facing reality is to avoid it lol

hypersensitive

Moon opposite Mars

always looking for a goal to achieve

there's inner restlessness here

impatient

gets easily frustrated

Moon square Pluto

very difficult to control

may manipulate others without realizing

it can be hard for bambam to get into a relationship

jealous

difficult times teaches him important things that allows him to be much more powerful

bambam might think that he's always in danger

paranoid

it can be hard for him to accept and heal from traumas

fears intimacy... but once he opens his heart he is extremely caring

Moon trine Ascendant

adaptable to other's feelings

he can also loose himself in others

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲 (𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡)

fixed in his opinions

respectful and calm tone

this position helps bambam to realistically harness his talents and develop them with perseverance

it also helps him to become aware of his own personal worth

smart

this position also indicates that bambam can be very good at composing songs!

his speaking skills are what make him stand out the most

he knows how to treat people

cares a lot about his job and his finances

Mercury square Uranus

bambam could feel a lot of tension when expressing himself in general

with this aspect, I think it's difficult for bambam to concentrate

unpredictable in communication

can be easily misunderstood

Mercury square Neptune

persuasive

as I said before, he can be quite manipulative not only with others but also with himself

can get easily confused

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬 (𝟏𝟏𝐭𝐡)

bambam wants to be with someone with whom he can feel comfortable with

seeks for a safe relationship

loyal

he's also attracted to people who have either financial stability or who have a certain amount of money

he might like someone who works as a singer, actor/actress, etc

bambam has some adorable friends

he creates genuine friendships

gets along with everyone

has a variety of friends

he's likely to fall in love with his friends OR the other way around

attracted to people who have the same interests and who support the same causes that bambam does

fun to be around

his relationships must possess some kind of unconventional element to keep him interested

Venus trine Mars

wants commitment and loyalty in a relationship

seeks to connect with others

very protective of his loved ones

relationships are very important for bambam

loving

very passionate when in love

extremely affectionate

loves socializing

Venus square Jupiter

can be overly demanding of others

bambam could have some bad luck in his relationships

can be impulsive in relationships OR can easily mislead himself in them

Venus sextile Ascendant

vital and radiant glow

has a powerful self expression

this aspect create youthfulness in his appearance

progressive in style

his aesthetic and the way he dresses speak for his personality

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬 (𝟑𝐫𝐝)

pays a lot of attention to details

hella critical

very helpful to others

a perfectionist

meticulous

analytical

likes order and solving problems

as I said earlier, he will probably end up falling in love with his friends or friends of their friends

he can also like someone from the industry

Mars sextile Ascendant

independent

energetic and motivated 24/7

has a lot of physical strength

people often see bambam as someone brave, fierce and daring

stands up for himself

an initiator

others respect him for his attitude and how he approaches life

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐮𝐦

stubborn af

wants things to go his own way

radiates a stable and grounded aura

obsessed with money and comodity

has a strong sense of personal aesthetic in some way

𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐮𝐦

born to shine and being well-known

there's so much potential for being successful with this stellium

bambam can come off as authoritative in some way as well

he always knows how to make a great first impression and be well-liked

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫 (𝟖𝐭𝐡)

works well in groups

very willing to try new things

this position brings bambam good fortune when he's inventive and cooperative

likes breaking the rules

works better when he has freedom to choose what to do and how to do it

his mind is always ahead of others

interested in music

has a great attitude towards aspects of life that others find much more uncomfortable

has a positive attitude towards crisis and traumas

helps people get out of difficult situations

this is also an indicator of great wealth

Jupiter sextile Saturn

this aspect expands optimism, confidence and luck towards his goals and his career

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧 (𝟏𝟎𝐭𝐡)

afraid of rejection and failure :(

a very capable leader!

asserting his rights can cause bambam a lot of anxiety

this aspect can cause a delayed development of his ambitions

this position creates a sense of responsibility for himself, even if his confidence is lacking!

he have assumed a great responsibility from a very young age

bambam feels that he must achieve something in the world

can be challenged by authority figures a lot

vulnerable to criticism

Saturn sextile Uranus

wants to be a leader

Saturn trine Pluto

people respect him and sees him as someone very powerful

power comes naturally to bambam

Saturn square Ascendant

bambam can also have a pessimistic outlook on life

he probably also have had a lot of critiques from others by the way he lives his life and how he behaves

bambam could feel like he had faced many obstacles throughout his life

Saturn conjunct MC

ambition and work ethic are through the roof here

workaholic

bambam takes work very seriously

tends to get along and respect those in authority

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐔𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐬 (𝟕𝐭𝐡)

changes expand his way of seeing things

bambam may have a partner far above of his social position

his ways of loving freedom make him hate feeling tied up to others

Uranus conjunct Neptune

intuition and intellect brings a powerful connection here

Uranus sextile Pluto

tends to enter people’s lives unexpectedly

brings transformation and change into people’s lives

Uranus sextile MC

bambam was born to have a unique career

he also rebels to those who challenges his path

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐍𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐞 (𝟕𝐭𝐡)

business and success are idealized here

bambam has to choose his relationships carefully and be honest with himself

he may believe in soul mates

needs to learn to be more objective in relationships and develop discipline

Neptune sextile Pluto

bambam has a natural ability to transform

might be fascinated by secrets and mysteries

has a strong desire to realize his dreams

Neptune trine North Node

bambam has a strong sense of destiny

he already started his destiny, yall

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐏𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐨 (𝟓𝐭𝐡)

playful

can be very spiritual

he may like experimenting and exploring himself

bambam has a powerful urge to express his creativity

can become very overprotective of his loved ones

afraid of rejection and betrayal

Pluto trine MC

hella focused on his goals

bambam wants to forge his own path to success

he may reinvent his goals and career path several times throughout his life

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐞 (𝟑𝐫𝐝)

needs to stay healthy

has to learn to be a leader and take responsibilities

has to learn to say ‘no’

bambam's life lesson is to learn to stand up for himself

he needs to communicate his ideas more and he needs to start thinking for himself

bambam needs to allow himself to learn lots of new things

𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝟐𝐧𝐝

may spend a lot of money on personal wants and needs

loves showing off the things he buys

bambam needs to have a better money management lmao

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝟑𝐫𝐝

smooth and more deeper toned voice

he's a great advisor

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐈𝐂

bambam loves spending time at home

he probably had a very pleasant childhood

he learned to cope with his problems by handling them on his own

𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝟓𝐭𝐡

intense

picky

wants to be with someone who radiates a very sensual aura

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝟔𝐭𝐡

his work style may not be so organized lol

bambam is probably those type of person who will only do what he feels like doing and does not pressure himself to do stuff lol

doesn't like when others tell him what to do

𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭

bambam could probably end up with someone more older than him OR more mature

he probably will end up in a relationship later in life

seeks for long-lasting relationships

has high standards

likes someone who is successful and hard working

he wants someone who only shows their softest side to him

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝟖𝐭𝐡

kinky af

secretive about his fantasies OR he doesn't care of being judged by them

𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝟗𝐭𝐡

music plays such a big role in his life

he probably doesn't talk much about his opinions and beliefs

he needs to search what he truly believes in without being influenced by others

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐂

again, well respected

always determined to finish what he starts

a position of authority would be the best for bambam

𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝟏𝟏𝐭𝐡

values friendship A LOT

is great at comforting his friends

bambam probably stays in contact with a lot of his childhood friends

𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝟏𝟐𝐭𝐡

this surprises me a lot, but this position can point out lots of social anxiety

bambam can distance himself from others quite often

#bambam #got7 #kunpimook bhuwakul #kunpimook #bambam astrology #got7 astrology #bambam imagines #got7 imagines

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awarmbowlofhomemadesoup · 3 years

Text

AceAro Miles Edgeworth’s Platonic Crush on Phoenix Wright Headcanons

Platonic crush: the desire to be platonically intimate with someone without romantic or sexual attraction. Intensity like any kind of crushes can vary.

In Childhood:

When they were children, Miles would often talk more about Phoenix than Larry, to the point that Ray Shields began teasing him about having a crush on Phoenix. And Miles would be like, “No?” because last time he checked he wasn’t experiencing that “heart stuff” that he sees in zany cartoons.

When they have to sit and rest somewhere, Miles would read a book with at least his knee touching Phoenix. Or if there was enough space, his back touching Phoenix’s side. No, Larry, it’s not a snuggle, now hush. (Similar to how a cat would lounge at their favorite owner’s side while casually not looking at them).

As much as he enjoyed them as the Signal Samurai trio, his favorite moments were just talking with Phoenix about anything under the sun -in the early hour before class or when they have dropped Larry home and it was just him and Phoenix.

He often looked forward to the quiet instances that Phoenix would hold his hand while they’re walking home alone since Phoenix is more at ease with affection than he was.

Some teenagers hollered at them for it and Phoenix let go, embarrassed, while Miles was wondering why he was embarrassed when they both know it was because they were good friends. So he just stubbornly grabbed his hand again and dragged him away from those immature buffoons.

Miles was neutral when it comes to Valentines Day. But when Phoenix received a box of chocolates from a girl he likes, Miles became more aloof and disinterested. He wondered why there was no celebration for friendship. Idle time was spent on thinking what gift he would give Phoenix if there was a proper day for celebrating best friends. (Larry is also his best friend but he doesn’t have the word that distinguishes his friendship with Larry and friendship with Phoenix.)

Miles was disappointed that he was unable to find the specific term between best friend and deeper best friend. Even his father doesn’t know. Gregory Edgeworth assured him he would find it someday.

Being someone who thinks ahead, Miles knew that someday Phoenix might not prioritize and value their friendship as much as he does once Phoenix would get a girlfriend. Miles tried very hard not to think of the time they would be in middle school.

After Gregory’s death, Miles never received Phoenix’s letters as von Karma wants to isolate him from his original home. Even when Miles appreciate the song request from Phoenix dedicated to him, von Karma made it clear that sentimental relations will distract him from perfection. Plus, Miles thought it was a one time and that Phoenix probably had a girlfriend to dedicate himself to by now.

In Adulthood (Platonic Crush to Queerplatonic Attraction to QP Love):

Early Career. When Miles received college Phoenix’s letters, his first reaction was confusion. Out-of-the-blue this ghost from the past was asking him why he was being called Demon Prosecutor. Second reaction was stonewalling. There was no point delving about how a person used to make him feel.

State vs Fey. After the trial, Miles told himself he developed an intellectual hyperfixation towards Phoenix Wright as he arranged his brand new custom chess set with the “spike-y” pawns. He was half-right. If only he wasn’t so entangled with von Karma’s opinions on “sentimental relations”.

State vs Powers. Miles’ platonic crush resurfaced somewhere after Will Powers’ case and Phoenix asking to defend him.

State vs Edgeworth. He faintly realized at the moment Phoenix had smiled at him in relief once Miles got acquitted, that Phoenix was someone he wanted in his life. If only Miles deserved so.

Miles would never admit he finds a unique sense of enjoyment in working with cases where Phoenix had to defend. He doubted if a lot of people experience intimacy in rivalry.

State vs Skye. Unfortunately, Miles have bigger things to deal with like coming into terms with a mentor that had both raised and twisted him, struggling to find a new norm as eyes watched him, his very story available to the public, then having to face the Skye case that made him question everything he was as a prosecutor.

It all became too much and he wasn’t thinking straight and one of those thoughts was that Phoenix was better off knowing a better person than him.

State vs Engarde. The belief was instilled when Phoenix got mad at him for faking his own death.

After having a talk and Miles realizing that cutting people off abruptly was more of a dick move than he thought, he and Phoenix kept in touch after.

In the space he had given himself in Europe, Miles decided that aside from becoming a better lawyer, he wanted to be the friend Phoenix deserved to have in his life, with the same intimacy they had in childhood that he still couldn’t name.

State vs Iris. Miles was pretty much neutral around Iris. If Phoenix would decide to rekindle his relationship with her (though the deception made him wrinkle his nose no matter how true Iris’ feelings were at that time), he wouldn’t care as long as he and Phoenix would still be in good terms as partners. Even if Phoenix would not put as much special connotations as he would in their partnership. That was all he could ask for after everything.

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth. Whenever Kay would tease him about “that man”, Miles would just look at her dryly. At this point, he should know not a lot of people would understand.

7-year Disbarment. Phoenix’s disbarment drew them closer together after Miles’ was finally able to contact him when Phoenix shut everyone out. Miles couldn’t do much being in Europe but he does what he could from flying them to Europe so that Phoenix could help him with his cases to caring for Trucy.

Their commitment for each other only grew from raising Trucy together to righting Japanifornia’s legal system.

Miles wished he could kiss Phoenix on the forehead without making it weird. It just felt like Phoenix needed it. Comforting Phoenix with hugs and handholding, at least, was never questioned for romantic interest.

When Phoenix began to study for the bar again, Miles often enjoy Phoenix falling asleep on his shoulder. Unseen, Miles would smile before poking him awake.

He enjoys movie nights with the Wright family where Trucy and Phoenix would snuggle close and dinner/banter with Phoenix every week.

Fantasies of sleep-snuggling with the man he admires and trusts the most and has an intense emotional-intellectual connection? Of course, he does. “So near and yet so far” has never been so painful in that one time they have to share a bed.

After Phoenix got his badge back, Miles was pretty much satisfied. His life was more stable, inner and outer, than it had ever been. Phoenix and Trucy’s life were also stable. Miles now felt more confident and comfortable in their bond and Miles would do what it takes to keep it as a part of his life.

He may have felt a little thrill when they both become comfortable enough for Phoenix to be casually affectionate with his touch -an arm around his shoulder as they laugh about something, a hand on his arm when asking about a case- it felt like back in their more carefree childhood.

State vs Wyatt. Miles was pretty much ruffled with questions about marriage directed at him of all people. But if he has to marry someone, it might as well be someone he knew so well and trusts so much. Miles may have opted out some of his opinions in marriage but he was no longer the person who would lie to himself of who that someone would be.

He wanted... something. He wanted a sort of exclusivity with Phoenix. The idea of Phoenix dating other people made Miles realized he wasn’t the type to share. The revelation itself was frustrating when he was neutral or repulsed of varying degrees when it comes to different romantic and sexual acts.

With a combination of finally having the words to describe what he wanted in Google Search and help with his therapist, the name of what he wanted with Phoenix was a queerplatonic relationship with a compromise on whatever would be Phoenix’s romantic/sexual needs from him. If Phoenix would have him as so. And if Phoenix wouldn’t... well, their friendship had been through a lot of things, this one event wouldn’t change it much.

(This is from my own experiences and wants as someone in the acearo spectrum. I’m not the universal experience for acearo and it can be different for everyone else.)

#ace attorney #narumitsu #wrightworth #miles edgeworth #mitsurugi reiji #why is this so long #sorry i don't have the spoons to commit to writing a fic #I tried my best to organize it without being wholly familiar with the Turnabout Titles #sex-neutral romance-neutral aroace miles edgeworth

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