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geraldmariaivo · 1 year

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404 Pulse Not Found

Hopefully this version won’t make y’all feel like you’re having a stroke when you read it.

Jon was worried about Damian. Namely because his friend’s heart..shouldn’t really be doing that. Granted, it hadn’t suddenly started weird stuff during their sleepover today. No, for as long as Jon had known Damian, his friend’s heart had a tendency to slow down really, really slow, to the point where anyone could be forgiven for thinking that it forgot how to pump blood. It wasn’t super worrying at first either, because as far as Jon was concerned, it helped him find Damian, because it was different from everyone else’s heartbeat, which was great! Or, it was great until he double-checked that human hearts aren’t supposed to slow down this much, let alone so randomly, and that it meant something is definitely, probably lethally, wrong.

But his dad didn’t mention it even though he definitely heard it, which meant that Bruce knew about it. Which meant that it wasn’t anything to worry about, and it would probably be rude to ask about something personal like that if it was already being handled.

And then the humming started, and Jon was worried again. It started only a month or two ago, and it was....eerie? Pretty? Both, if he was honest. But now the humming was there, and the only time he could actually hear it was when Damian’s heart stopped. Not slowed down, just full-on stops for probably way too long. If he had to guess, the sound of the heartbeat didn’t block it out because Jon couldn’t hear it between beats, but it only started up when his heart wasn’t doing anything. Which is kinda weird, because if it was a pacemaker or something, he’d expect it to sound like most other pacemakers and organ replacements he’d heard when they were on.

Here he was, worrying about his best friend while playing Mario Kart in the manor with him, while his heart hadn’t had a single beat for almost a minute and a half now, and the buzzing was in full swing. It kept like that, on and off, for the rest of the tournament, and honestly, Jon wanted to know what was going on. He also knew that Damian wouldn’t tell him about whatever medical condition this is, no matter how much he asked, pleaded, or begged.

So, he figured, he might as well try the Big Bat himself. Was it possibly very rude to go behind his friend’s back to get this information? Yes. Was it likely that he would only be told stuff he already knew? Yes. Would it soothe his nerves slightly to be told that they’re handling whatever this is? Also yes. So, he got up, and told Damian that there’s something he wanted to ask Bruce.

Bruce wasn’t hard to find, he was in his favorite study, and in a blink, Jon was politely knocking on the door. He really wanted to barge in and know right now, but his mom and dad taught him better than that.

“Come in.”

Jon opened the door, and was suddenly much more nervous. As he stepped in, Bruce turned to him. “Sorry to bother you, Mr. Wayne, but, um...” God, why did his brain have to empty itself of any social skill right now? He closed the door, mostly to have something, anything, to do, but also because it probably wouldn't be a good idea to have this conversation with the door open.

“It’s alright if you need to gather your thoughts; Take your time with it.”

He really couldn’t, because if he stood here just trying to figure out how to say this in a polite way he’d be standing here all day, and probably most of tomorrow. It did, however, take a few seconds to figure out how to ask it bluntly. “Why does Damian’s heart keep stopping?”

Bruce froze. This probably wouldn’t have scared him as much as did right now if it wasn’t for two things: 1) Batman was the one who usually stayed statue-still, not Bruce, and 2) Bruce freezing like that didn’t really make sense because that’s something he would expect Jon to be able to detect, especially if there’s some kind of electronic implant involved, and he would usually be able to answer immediately.

When the man finally moved again, it was only because his brow furrowed. “Damian’s last full medical examination was three weeks ago, and his vitals were well within normal range.”

Now Jon was confused. “I’m pretty sure human hearts are supposed to do sixty to a hundred beats a minute, not like five seconds per beat off and on, or just stopping for a whole minute. But it’s been going on since I first met him, so it seems normal for him. It’s been happening more often, and I kind of want to know what’s going on. I know he wouldn’t tell me, so I figured I should ask you what’s going on.” 

Bruce frowned slightly, and he seemed concerned, maybe. It was hard for Jon to tell what he actually felt, but he was pretty sure Bruce was extremely concerned. This assumption was backed by the man’s heart-rate skyrocketing. (Jon did not know that Bruce was internally screaming for a number of reasons, not the least of which being that he knew a perceived flaw or failing like a serious medical condition is something that Damian would be either too prideful, or too afraid to admit to having.)

“Thank you for telling me. I was not aware that Damian was having heart problems. You said it was for- Jon?”

Bruce didn’t know? He didn’t- oh god so that wasn’t a- “It’s not a pacemaker or artificial organ or something???” Bruce’s brows drew closer together, now visibly confused and concerned. “To my knowledge, there’s no medical equipment in his chest. Did you hear a pacemaker?” “N-! No. That’s one of the things I wanted to ask you about. I thought it might be some cutting-edge medical tech because it doesn’t sound like any replacement or assistance machine I’ve heard.” Oh god, Bruce is probably so mad at him for not telling him something was wrong with Damian sooner. Fuck. Okay, how to calm down a probably-angry Batman?

Uh....information! Isn’t information like those really fancy pet treats to the bats and birds? Okay, information. What information does he start with? He already said Damian’s heart had been doing this for as long as Jon had known him, a-wait. He hadn’t said what he was hearing that he thought was a machine, he should start there. “There’s a humming that starts whenever his heart stops beating. It usually takes a second or two, but when it does, it’s a pretty sure sign that it’s not going to start for another six-ish seconds or so at least. It stops just before his heart starts beating again. The longest his heart stopped was close to two minutes, but it doesn’t stop often or, I guess it does, but it’s not like an hourly thing.

“It happens kind of all over the place. I’ve never heard it stop when he’s already injured, and I think it happens less often when he’s tired, but when he’s asleep his heart definitely slows way down.” He briefly fidgeted with his hands. Why does remembering stuff have to be so hard when he actually has to tell someone?!? “And, um, he acts like nothing is happening, which is why I thought you guys already knew and were handling it. Not- not that it’s your fault that I didn’t say anything! I still should’ve told you about this sooner, and-”

Bruce held up a hand, and Jon snapped his mouth shut so fast the clack of teeth was audible. The man didn’t seem angry as much as he was tired. Which was fair. Learning that your son’s heart stops on a regular basis would make anyone feel tired. Or at least that seemed like the kind of thing that made parents tired, other than work.

“Jon,” he said, “It’s okay. I appreciate that you came to me with this, and you aren’t in trouble. I will be talking with Damian about keeping important things like this secret, but I’m not angry.” (He was extremely frustrated and immeasurably worried, but not angry.)

Jon still didn’t stop fidgeting -he wasn’t really sure when he’d started- but he was slightly less nervous. He really hoped that Damian would still want to be friends with him after getting him in trouble like this, even if Jon hadn’t thought it would. Bruce sat up, and Jon quickly left the room so Bruce could actually, you know, get through the door. Because Jon had been awkwardly standing in the doorway the whole time. Maybe he should pay more attention to how his dad treats conversations like this next time some Stern Adult Thing comes up. It took about a million anxious thoughts and probably a few minutes on their way to talk to Damian about his apparent heart issues for them to run into one of Damian’s....brothers? His brothers’ friend? Jon couldn’t really remember. Didn’t his name start with a D? Or maybe it was an E? Euchre? Wait, no, that’s a card game. Oh no, he and Bruce were talking, he should really pay attention.

“-eah, we’ve met.” The person-of-unknown-relation-to-Damian rubbed his neck a bit sheepishly. “I can’t remember your name, though. Sorry.”

Jon relaxed a little. “It’s okay, I forgot your name, too. I’m Jon.”

“Duke,” he responded, before turning back to the oldest of the group. “Did Damian hide a kitten in the manor again? Or was it a bearded dragon or something this time?” Bruce sighed. “Evidently he’s been hiding a serious medical condition from us.”

“Oh. Does this have to do with why he looks like he’s made of glowstick goop sometimes?”

What?

“He What-”

#dp x dc #i posted this #bruce wayne #damian wayne #jon kent #duke thomas #halfa!Damian #oneshot one kill #please for fuck’s sake don’t just like the post #reblog it #comment #tag someone else #fucking anything #for the love of god I wanna see what thoughts are wiggling around in y’all’s brains

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red-hibiscus · 2 months

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BL characters I relate to most as a mentally ill gay trans man

Daisy from SCOY

Surprising no one, I, a trans person, relate to Daisy. They're outgoing and seemingly don't care about how people view them. They know they're visibly queer and they normally don't mind it (from what I see). But at the end of the day, society does affect them. They're hesitant to believe Touch genuinely cares and is attracted to them despite Touch being an absolute green flag who is very direct with his flirting. Even after, Daisy was worried about people would view their relationship with Touch and tried to become Day, a more masculine version of themself. Impossible of course and they broke down emotionally exhausted. I feel that so much because I also don't believe it when people, especially cis gay men, are attracted to me. I've caught myself trying to change my behavior to be more masculine (as I'm a bit on the nonbinary side of things). It's bad, but I know how Daisy feels.

Wang from 180 Degree Longtitude Passes Through Us

As a 26 year old trans gay immigrant in a country that doesn't want me, I have a shit ton of pent up anger that has been building up since I was a child. I've calmed down over the years, but I can still be stubborn and argumentative when it comes to politics and human rights. I'm also a linguistics major, thus an academic.

Wang is so much like myself and like a lot of people around me. Like me and Wang would be close friends irl I know it. We're young and stubborn. We're angry at the older conservative people around us, too much sometimes. So he lashes out. Many of his points are correct, but they're not hitting. Partially because the people he's talking to don't want to change, partially because he himself is stubborn. People like us yearn to be free, to be ourselves and to learn. Wang has a passion for the humanities like myself. Yet he knows society really only cares about STEM fields. I've compromised and am getting a master's in computational linguistics. Even though really I just wanna learn as much as I can about sociolinguistics.

Karl from Gaya Sa Pelikula

I haven't watched GSP in a hot minute, but I do remember feeling very seen.

So in the show Karl has his gay awakening, tries to internally and externally deny it, and eventually let himself be free to feel everything and be himself (at least in private).

Now I didn't have a gay awakening, but I guess you could say a trans awakening. In middle school I felt different, I suspected maybe some flavor of LGBT, but wasn't sure and I was too afraid to think about it too hard. Come high school I secretly wanted to join the LGBT club, but was afraid. Then I was essentially adopted into the LGBT club and dragged into the friend group during lunch because I was a loner like everyone else. At the time still "identified" as a cishet woman. As time went on people started to suspect. "Why are you in the club?", "why did you cut your hair", "why do you dress like that?", "your voice is low for a girl haha", etc. Much like Karl, I was not ready for any of that. I was still struggling to make sense of it all and come to terms with it myself. So I kept rejecting it and every time it hurt.

I kept rejecting it until I couldn't. Until someone I resonated with so much came out as trans and it clicked. My trans awakening was complete. I became able to be more myself, but only in private safe spaces. I wouldn't come out and live as a man until after high school and it was terrifying.

Adachi from Cherry Magic

I've only watched the jpn ver, but I'm sure that character remains the same.

I'm anxious and used to be quite shy. Now I'm just awkward. I'm really bad at seeing the good in myself cause I feel like I'm wandering around aimlessly in life. Not that impressive. So when people compliment me I think "haha they're just being nice" (refer back to me never believing people are actually attracted to me).

Adachi is the exact same. He has the same routine every day. Just going through the motions and not really thinking anything of himself. But then Kurosawa comes along and the ability to read minds. Adachi then realizes "wait, someone I respect so much actually loves me? And thinks I have a lot of good qualities? Makes me wanna cry." And me too Adachi. I'd be the same.

Jared from 7 Days Before Valentine

Jared, my precious baby, is described throughout the show as kind, but weird and different. We later learn that he has dyslexia, and honestly he seems to be somewhere on the autism spectrum. Even if he isn't, he has a behavioral difference people pick up on and then shun him for it.

I too was seen as kinda weird growing up. Maybe it was the autism, maybe it was the social anxiety. Probably both. And then of course there was the gnawing feeling that I was different than everyone else and it turns out it's because I'm trans.

So when Jared said that people didn't talk to him because he wasn't like other people it hit me so hard.

Myungha from Love For Love's Sake

The whole show is sad yet cathartic for me. Myungha is depressed yet spends his time comforting others. He has a hard time loving and receiving love. If you give him a fictional character who is very similar to him he will love them and see all the good, but he doesn't see it in himself. Relatable as hell.

I have an incredibly hard time being honest with my emotions and letting people love me and express attraction. Mostly in a romantic/sexual context. Dpdr is cockblocking me. So dating is hell, but I'm lonely and yearn to not be.

Probably if you put me in a situation like Myungha I'd also go "yep, that right there is my blorbo" and then not realize that all the things I like about the person and make me care about them are things I have.

Honorable mentions:

Both Akk and Ayan from The Eclipse

Nozue from Old Fashion Cupcake

Oh-Aew from I Told Sunset About You

Cher from A Boss and a Babe (I headcannon him as autistic)

Amber from DNA Says Love You

Uea from Bed Friend

Mitsuomi from Restart After Come Back Home

Jao from SCOY

Maybe I'll make another post for those later

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jasontoddssuper · 10 months

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Miles:You guys are latino too????But-Your names-

Percy,holding back a laugh:If it helps,mine's short for Perseo

Miles:Okay,then i can give you a pass.Now Don Jason over here-

Jason:Why'd you pronounce my name like a fucking anime character

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chirpos-pencil · 15 days

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I get like an uncomfortable 'zap' through my body whenever anyone declares Makoto to be Komahina's 'child' or just generally infantalizing him...

#yes I understand they say it as a joke but still...considering how often Makoto is infantalized; treated as a fully naive child;#'needs' Kyoko and Byakuya to hold his baby hand through the trials or something like that...#it gives a bad taste to my mouth?#under pictures of komahinaegi; i see some comments designating Makoto as their 'son' and it just....urk...#He's an adult man dealing with a lot of emotional baggage. Instead of turning to despair or becoming resentful;#he turns towards hope and forgiveness #He's not afraid to fight till the end for the sake of his loved ones and a better world; He doesn't hesitate to be reckless if it #meant protecting his loved ones #I don't understand how he became a 'baby' or just a 'naive hopeful little child' in the first place...#apologies for this rant...#chirpos chirps

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dropthedemiurge · 3 months

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Love for Love's Sake | Things you didn't notice (probably)

Finally, I am watching a good K-BL and can enjoy multi-layered meanings within language, culture and translated subs altogether (unlike with Thai series where I need to learn a new language again xD)

So I'll be pointing out some fun things that I noticed for fellow foreign viewers =) Beware of a long post!

Disclaimer: I'm not fluent in Korean, but I've been learning and using it for years + lived and studied in Korea for a while so I'm offering my perspective and knowledge but it might not be the Ultimate Truth

Episode 1

«I prefer lonely supporting characters instead of happy protagonists. Cha Yeowoon is still unhappy. ... - Where are you going? - To see my main (최애). I mean, Cha Yeowoon.»

The word Tae Myungha used to described Cha Yeowoon, as I heard, was actually 최애 (choe-ae). It's a slang that can be translated as "my favourite" and typically is used for K-pop group members, meaning "my bias" (think One True Pairing but One True Person instead). Then, as his fellow classmate gets confused, hearing such word referring to a popular student in their school, Tae Myungha changes to "I mean, Cha Yeowoon", and it works because the word and the name sound similar.

Myungha uses this word because in the intro he stated that Yeowoon is his favourite character in the book out of all. So basically, his first reaction was "- Where are you going? - I'm gonna run to find my blorbo<3", which is so admirable. I'd also get obsessed with making happy my fav side character that was treated unfairly by creators :D

«Kids like chocolate, right? ... (Yeowoon grabs an icecream, Myungha grabs the same, adding with surprise:) Didn't see that coming. Bi-Bi-Big (비비빅)? You eat like an old man.»

What surprised Myungha there? That Yeowoon chose this icecream->

It's a traditional icecream that is made out of red beans. This taste is usually associated with older people (because typically kids like sweet things and older people like less sweet/bland tastes), also red beans or read bean paste is used in many traditional desserts in Korea. Yeah, who would've thought that a high schooler would choose this icecream out of all options?

Later, Myungha gets the message "You can compare Bi-Bi-Big to big Ba-Bum-Bar (another icecream with "old man taste" from chestnuts), why the hell would you eat it?" and gets confused as the message seems missent. I am confused as well, because Myungha wasn't the one choosing this icecream and Yeowoon wasn't typing in his phone. Considering that the phone number is unknown, I can guess that it might be a commentary from the book's author who's watching Myungha playing his story game? Let's figure it out in the next episodes!

«- You eat like an old man. - Do you play sports? - No. - Weird. You're a whiner like I've always heard. - Kids these days have no manners.»

My quick translation->

«- You eat like an old man. - Sunbae, do you play sports? - No. - Strange. You sound like one of those older jerks (꼰대). - Kids these days have no manners.»

More on the differences between Tae Myungha and Cha Yeowoon:

Myungha tried to poke Yeowoon about his "old man tastes", and Yeowoon called him out for his conservative/stereotypical thinking.

Yeowoon keeps calling Myungha sunbae (because he knows MH's a senior in their school so he must be polite), and Myungha REALLY TALKS LIKE AN OLD MAN to him ("Kids these days" in the subs does translate this style of speech correctly! I'm glad). We all know he's much older before he was thrown into high school times (~25-30yo?), but his words and intonations really make you feel like he's 50-60yo or something xD

Yeowoon doesn't like this at all, though, so he calls Myungha a sort of derogatory term 꼰대 (kkondae), which is used to described old conservative people who are set in their ways and keep nagging and scolding young people for not behaving properly. And, as a runner, he implies that there are senior sportsmen that are hazing or nagging younger sportsmen like this as well, that's who Myungha reminds him of. No wonder the affection stats fell down in the minus zone so hard!

There you go, guys, these are my comments on the first episode of Love for Love's sake! It is filmed so well, I like the idea, and I really enjoyed it (if this one gets really popular just like Semantic Error, we might get more BLs about gamers or gamedevs and I WILL LOVE IT I am so here for it, hehe)

Stay tuned for more as I watch next episodes :]

#love for love's sake #kdrama #love for love's sake meta #korean bl #bl series #lfls #lfls meta #love for love's sake reaction #dropthemeta #love for love's sake comments

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