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saturnrevolution · 2 years

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sun through the houses & alignment

Sun in the 1st house

For you, self expression is important. You need an outlet that you can build your personality around and you are in a constant search for your own identity. Sometimes so much so, that you pay close attention to the way others view you and you might try to compare yourself. If you are constantly stuck on a self discovery journey, you will forever be driven by a moment that doesn't exist. You are constantly changing and accepting that without waiting to be perfect before you can take action will raise your vibration and accelerate your growth. Whenever you are showing up as you feel deep down, even if that differs from the way others around you do - you will inspire people. It's important to trust your instinct and understand how you authenticity is your greatest tool. There is nothing more you need than your own will and openness. Be the self you are now and inspire others with your leading skills and courage.

Sun in the 2nd house

You need a sense of comfort to be able to fully express yourself. This is why, sometimes you seek that comfort from outside sources. The key to aligning to yourself is to know that comfort can first be found within you. If you keep looking for it in your environment, you will always be in a state of depending on the way things change, therefore, you will hate change and might intentionally remain in places that you don't belong in anymore just to feel that sense of calm. Find that stillness in you, so you have a place to always go back to when the outside reality fades. Then, watch how your reality reflects that inner peace. Money, success, a home, material things and self development in any way won't bring you what you are looking for. You already have that in the now. Tap into it, so you can see the benefits and align with your most spiritual needs by seeing behind what is obvious and into what really feels good.

Sun in the 3rd house

You might be someone that asks all the right questions and needs all the right answers. But, sometimes, we need to understand that we might not have the answer and this is where things get difficult for you. Tapping into your alignment doesn't mean trying to figure everything out - whenever you do that, you create unnecessarily overthinking and anxiety and get stuck on details that are not relevant on your journey. It means allowing yourself to be curious, research about what could be and then let it go. It means fighting together with the way life wants to flow, not against it. Whenever you are overthinking what you already know, you are creating resistance to what is. Other ways to align to yourself is through writing, speaking, short distance travel. Not being afraid of using your voice in order to communicate your ideas will make you realize that you are a messenger for others to learn.

Sun in the 4th house

Building roots is a big part of your life, you are meant to find your place in this world and sometimes you might stick to places you have outgrown just because it feels safe. In order to reach alignment with yourself, you need to understand that safety is not something that can be found in someone or in a physical place, but a feeling that comes from within. When you trust your intuition, you will find that you have a compass in you that helps differentiate between what feels safe and comfortable and what doesn't. Do not ignore it, but go with your gut, go with that feeling in everything you do. You are meant to reshape the way your family viewed the world and every time you stand up for what feels right deep down, you build the opportunity of generations after you to trust their intuition as well. You need to learn how to not overly identify with your upbringing and build your own set of rules.

Sun in the 5th house

Your inner child dictates all your motives behind action taking, it's up to you to listen to it or not. You might love the thrill of life, but the key to self alignment is understanding that you don't always have to feel "on the edge" and "adventurous" in order to feel fulfilled. Once you nurture and listen to yourself, you validate your inner child and understand your connection to your childhood and how it has shaped who you are today, that's when you will be able to enjoy life in every moment, not only in the peak moments. You might have a tendency to do things just for the show, in order to give your inner child the attention that maybe it lacked or it got in childhood, but being so keen on attention comes from ego and the only attention you really need is from yourself. Focus on following your creative talents by investing in what you are passionate about and live a life full of desire and alignment with your heart’s desire.

Sun in the 6th house

You are very keen on daily life and understanding the way you can navigate through it in a "perfect" manner. The only problem is that there is no rule when it comes to life, there is no right or wrong way to do it. If you keep living by the rules, you will actually invalidate the things that are felt, on a soul level. With the sun here, you have healing powers within you that want to be shown and felt by others, but in order to do that, you need to stop being caught up and driven by the smallest things. The best way to align with yourself is to simply listen to your body. Right now, what has it been trying to tell you for a while? How much can you ignore it and stress over things that make it worse? How can you nurture your body and be of service to it? Prioritizing your health and daily habits will help you gather the necessary energy to also show up for others and your healing aura will naturally guide them through.

Sun in the 7th house

Relationships are a big focus for you, as it helps you understand your identity better. In order to be in alignment with yourself, you need to practice non-attachment and rather understand how different relationship dynamics work. You might experience thinking you are someone else and then you meet a person that shines the light on a new trait of yours, which feels foreign, but it's still you. Whenever this happens, sit close to that feeling and do not run away from it. This will help you understand how others are a mirror to you and you are to them - you will understand their triggers and yours and be able to navigate from a higher state of consciousness. You are meant to trigger people’s personality in a way that makes them see themselves for who they are and, in doing so, you also discover a new side of you. What brings you closer to yourself is human connection and acceptance of others.

Sun in the 8th house

You are in a constant transformation of the self. The key to alignment is to find peace in change. You are here to understand the depths of life and shine a light on anything that is hidden, unseen or taboo. This can sometimes make you inhibit yourself, because you feel like you are misunderstood and you might prefer to live in the depths alone. However, the things you know and discover are not to be kept for yourself, they are things others would benefit from and even if on the spot it creates a triggering reaction within them, you have to persuade your truth. The experiences you have in this lifetime are meant to be shared, as they are going to resonate with others. You have the ability to help others not feel alone by just sharing your experience. The more vulnerable you are, the more you will find people you resonate with on a soul level and you will be surprised how many people are grateful for your insight.

Sun in the 9th house

You are both the teacher and the student and you need to understand where you have evolved enough to teach and where you still have things to learn. Being a student helps you leave space for learning new things and be open minded enough to experiment and being a teacher shows you when your wisdom is needed and valued. You are a traveler of this world and an explorer, a never ending experimentalist. This is why, you might sometimes feel like there is so much to do and so little time. So, in order to find alignment, you need to have faith that you are on the right path. Keep being curious and ask the big questions in life, while also practice being present in the moment. The more you do that, the better you will be able to build systems of thinking and beliefs that create new perspectives for other generations to build on. Explore the world, explore your mind and do not get caught up in one way of thinking.

Sun in the 10th house

You are here to make an impactful change into the world and you know it. You might have grown up in an environment in which there was a lot of pressure on you to be a certain way. This is why, you might sometimes add a lot of pressure on yourself to succeed. Failure might be something you fear, but in order to get into alignment you need to understand how failure and making mistakes is, in essence, just the universe’s way of putting you on the right path. You will start to see everything that seems like a setback as an advantage and not be so hard on yourself. The more you follow society’s definition of success, the more tired and unsatisfied you are. You need to create a plan of what success means to you and follow a path that speaks to authentically, that way things will flow faster and you will be able to take leading roles that you enjoy, without being too caught up into what your reputation is.

Sun in the 11th house

You are here to move the world forward with your vision and use people on the way as your community and your ally. You might have felt like an outcast growing up, but at the same time there was always this need to be seen and integrated. This is why, in order to get into alignment you need to first embrace your authenticity. Then, it will be easier to attract people that are part of your soul tribe and that you resonate with. Once you understand how you do not need to change or fit a certain category to be accepted, you will also inspire others with your forward thinking vision and you might find out that you are not so weird after all. You are just made to stand out and be seen. Most people would love to hear your story and sharing it is the best way to connect, while also building a brighter future for the community that you belong in and share the same values and vision with and together, you can thrive.

Sun in the 12th house

You are here to fulfill a big desire that your past life persona was not able to. You came here with the purpose and destiny of rewriting your story and you can do that through listening to your inner spiritual compass and insights - what do you just know intuitively? The more you try to ignore what is meant for you just because you think you might not deserve it, the more resistance you are building for things that are meant for you to come. Spiritual awakenings and lessons are awaiting for you and your story wants to be told. Do not hide behind others, serve others by serving you. Don't seek their validation for what you already know and feel deep down. Instead, embrace your spiritual side and your emotional maturity in order to find your true self. There’s not a lot of logic you need to use, just feel. Meditation, writing your dreams, journaling or emotional expression help you be in alignment.

#astrology #houses #thesun #sun #posted

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tomorrowusa · 19 days

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Republicans won't stop at abortion. They want to be overseers of all reproduction. They won't be happy unless they are able to monitor every bedroom and doctor's office in the US.

We recently saw how the Republican Alabama Supreme Court ruled against IVF. That ruling was peppered with copious references to Christian fundamentalist beliefs.

Now Republicans are turning attention to birth control. The unhinged MAGA crank Charlie Kirk ranted about this recently.

Charlie Kirk, the head of the MAGA propaganda behemoth Turning Point USA, recently unveiled a novel theory as to why young women tend to vote for Democrats. Unwilling to admit that women can think for themselves, Kirk floated the theory that birth control pills cause brain damage. "Birth control like really screws up female brains," he falsely claimed before a crowd at a recent church event streamed on the far-right site Rumble. Claiming the pill "increases depression, anxiety [and] suicidal ideation," he then blamed women's voting patterns on hormonal contraception. "It creates very angry and bitter young ladies and young women," Kirk argued.

I would argue that Trump and his followers are the ones with screwed up brains. There is a strong tendency of misogynistic patriarchy in the GOP. They feel a need to control women – possibly because of their own feelings of sexual inadequacy.

But of course, Kirk is not sincerely mistaken and he certainly isn't concerned about the wellbeing of women, which all reputable research shows is dramatically improved by having control over their fertility. Kirk's doctor cosplay is part of a much larger and semi-coordinated strategy among right-wing leaders to demonize birth control and train the GOP base into believing that restricting, or even banning, contraception is justified. As the Washington Post reported last month, right-wing activists have been flooding social media with the same lies that Kirk was echoing in this video. It's a well-financed disinformation campaign, getting a major boost from MAGA billionaire Peter Thiel, who has aggressively financed teams of messengers to falsely claim that hormonal birth control "tricked our bodies into dysfunction and pain." Doctors report that the tidal wave of misinformation about birth control is creating a health care crisis, including women who "come in for abortions after believing what they see on social media about the dangers of hormonal birth control."

Female empowerment is anathema to many on the far right. And the right to control one's body is part of that empowerment.

At heart, Republicans are anti-freedom.

Of course, the real reason MAGA leaders don't like birth control is they oppose the freedom and opportunities that it has afforded women. Kirk barely bothers to hide that this is his real agenda. In the very same talk, he also tries to threaten women who hold out for Mr. Right instead of settling for Mr. Incel: "In their early 30's they get really upset because they say the boys don't want to date me anymore because they're not at their prime," he claims, echoing the unevidenced revenge fantasy that dominates misogynist message boards.

Roe v. Wade had been the law of the land for over 49 years until the Trump-Bush Supreme Court rescinded it in 2022.

Birth control medications have been around since 1960. Despite that 64 year precedent, don't think that Republicans won't try to find some way to ban them if given a chance.

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astridthevalkyrie · 10 months

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From the deep conversation prompts: do you believe in aliens?

If by Juju you meant Jujutsu Kaisen, then with Megumi Fushiguro (not sure if you want pairings or not, but reader is preferable however, if inspiration were to hit and you see the character having the conversation with someone else from the show - let your creativity flow!!). If you did not mean Jujutsu Kaisen (i’ve been living under the rock when it comes to short anime names, sorry 🫠)😂😂 then choose whichever character you want to write about! ❤️ I’d be happy to read anything that you come up with!

Also, hope you are having a lovely day/night! ❤️❤️

thank you for the request! so i meant jumin han from mystic messenger but that is completely on me for thinking anyone would just know that. i don't write for jjk normally, but this ask is SO sweet i'll do a short blurb just for you babes. apologies for anything dumb or ooc, i watched season 1 once more than a year ago and that's all i have on megumi. i tried my best, i hope you like.

do you believe in aliens?

"Fushiguro?" Your voice comes out in a whisper. "Is that you?"

There is no response at first, and your heartbeat quickens rapidly. The last thing you want is for one of the instructors to find you, but even worse than that would be learning that you're alone, that you didn't hear anything, that you're going insane just like you thought you were—

"(F/N)?" That's his voice, his voice for sure, and you latch onto it with a gasp. "What are you doing here? Where are you?"

You open your mouth to answer, but it goes dry. How do you explain such a thing? What if he tells?

But he would never tell, you know that. Fushiguro's many things, a snitch isn't one of them,

"Can't you see me?" Your tone is small, scared.

"I can't see anything. I can't even tell where your voice is coming from."

"Fushiguro, I..." You let your mouth move before your brain can get a hold of it. "Don't be mad, okay? I tried to do a domain expansion."

"What?"

"I'm sorry!" you wail, already hearing the hurt in his words. "I know we said we'd try it together, but I wanted to impress you so I expanded and now I can't see anything because I think it worked, I think I'm invisible to everything but everything is invisible to me too and all I see is a giant blob of nothing and I'm so sorry I did it without you and I'm terrified of the teachers and the aliens and—"

"Hey," he cuts in, and now there isn't an inch of insult, but rather just concern. "Okay, I get it, I'm not mad at you. Can you see or feel anything?"

"Nothing. I just hear you." A tear drips down your cheek, you think.

"That's good. That means you're still...y'know, here."

Oh, great.

He must hear your second moan of fear because he quickly continues, "You're not going to zip off to space. I don't think you could even do that as a novice. We'll just stay here till morning and someone will get you out."

"No, the instructors will be mad!"

"I'll get Gojo. You know he won't punish you. He'll probably congratulate you, if anything."

That does calm you down, but Gojo can't absolve you of your crimes if there isn't a you to absolve come morning. There's nothing to do until then, though, so you just have to doom yourself to a long night of waiting, suffering, and repeat.

The only thing that helps is that warm sprinkle of heated feeling inside that Fushiguro would stay the whole night with you, sacrificing his sleep for no reason aside from that he cared about. And he would willingly interact with Gojo for you. That's a big deal.

"Did you say aliens earlier?" He breaks the silence after a few minutes, to your gratitude, since the silence was more terrifying by the second and you were afraid of attempting to talk only to find out you didn't have a mouth anymore.

"Uh..."

"Are you scared of aliens?"

"Um, yes?"

"Do you believe in aliens?"

"Do you not?" you respond incredulously. "Curses you can wrap your head around, but aliens are where you draw the line?"

From wherever you are in the nothingness, you a hear rare laugh breathe from Fushiguro's lips. "I can see curses. That's different."

"You can't see me right now." If you could feel a physical manifestation of your body, you'd hug yourself. "Does that mean you don't believe in me either?"

A loud bout of silence passes by. For a few despairing moments, you're nervous he left.

"Megumi?"

"I don't need to see you to believe in you." Something moves around you, and it's impossible, but you're sure you feel a finger brush against you somehow, as though tethering you to the real world. "As long as I can feel your presence..."

He trails off, and then sighs.

"Alright, maybe aliens are real."

#jjk #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #megumi fushiguro #jjk x reader #writing prompt #valkyrie stories

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ihavedoorinsurance · 1 year

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big long post abt bokutachi-kun bc i have worms

so. a little over a week ago, SoapOpera46 (or Yoli-chan) blessed us with this video and i would like to talk abt it at length. piece by piece. this is the true definition of sadan. so much so that it's going under a readmore (if those even matter anymore. i hear fumblr truncates posts automatically?) anyway

full disclosure: i didn't plan any of this. what's to come is basically word puke, off the top of my head, with no organisation or structure to it.

you won't be interested in this unless you're clinically insane. if you're looking for worthwhile opinions on the video, i recommend browsing the comments section. they're short, sweet, and easy to read. nnnnow, without further ado.....

I KU ZO

i'll start off saying i don't know shit about Dream (YUME-SAN as he is so graciously credited in the vid description)! not a damn thing! all i know is he's a Minecraft YouTuber, and up to just yesterday i didn't even know he made music! what seems to be very emo music if this song is anything to go by.

i looked up the lyrics seperately bc tbh i couldnt extrapolate anything from that singing. bokutachi-kun's a star talent and all bless his heart but i needed expert assistance. also according to the blurb at the bottom of the page i referenced, this song references the struggles of depression and ADHD! and myopia, most tragically of all.

here's a student copy.

what to note before we forge onwards: this is contextualised to us by Yoli-chan as a look into Bokutachi's history, saying she: "feeling it fit bokutachi-kun no past very much!!!"

i'm not sure how far in the past this is, but i have some vague ideas pinned on the information that, expressed by Episode 10, Raku and Koneko have already graduated (or dropped out of i'm not discounting that) college by the time the mainline story is in effect.

you also see these silhouettes

of what i assume to be the girls? at around 1:22, so i'm giving it anywhere from 6 to 14 years ago.

and if that seems like a wide ratio that's because it is!! i have no way of knowing what year of high school he's in, when exactly he graduated, how long it's been since then, or anything. i mean he's a fairly young man so i'll take that into account but that hardly helps

(also grant that none of the story takes off until after Raku and Koneko have left college long enough for Raku to call her fellow alumni "old" friends....also wtf what did they major in i've been asking this for years..you don't see them with jobs ever I MEAN PERHAPS KONEKO MAJORED IN NURSING THE COVID PSA DOES INDICATE SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL SO IDK)

but damn if any of that actually matters. you can't even peg the year by identifying hiis fatback monitor and Windows 98 ass OS

he is using some..EQUIVALENT of early msn messenger, maybe that puts this in the ballpark of 2000-2003

ik the Covid PSA isn't like properly canon or anything but i'll bet Raku is still using Win98 well after the OS's discontinuation anyway (it went out of service in 2006 if that helps.)

so if Bokutachi's old enough to be in any year of high school in 1998-2000 (assuming this computer is any indication. it might not be!), i'd wager a guess he's anywhere between 24-30 years old by the time NNSG properly starts (again assuming, that 2010 is the actual year the show takes place. once again, it might not be! it's at least post-Hatsune Miku, judging by the Christmas episode). this leaves room for college, but i doubt he went.

kind of what i already assumed, but it's fun trying to put these pieces together.

also can i just say i'm intrigued by the "nya, rawr" adlib in the beginning? that is Hitoshi's Thing, as we well know, but additionally, in the very beginning of the video, there is a box of pocky on the floor of the hallway.

pocky would happen to be one half of Hitoshi's favourite breakfast (plus ramune. this fuck drinks soda and eats cookies for breakfast what is wrong with him.), so i wonder if he had some knowledge of Hitoshi already this early on. we're operating on the premise that this is Bokutachi's younger self singing, right? did Hitoshi go to his school? we don't see him anywhere unlike Raku and Koneko, so idk. maybe "nya, rawr" is just a popular, cool phrase to say in Amerijapan.

potential cool thing: the one pocky stick upside down and sitting outside the box but near it might allude to Bokutachi himself. you do get the feeling he's lonely throughout the song, he's not got one close relationship with a real live person. not in school, not at home...

let's start talking about these lyrics.

I wear a mask with a smile for hours at a time Stare at the ceiling while I hold back what's on my mind And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine" And when they ask me how I'm doing I say, "I'm just fine"

so i like this set of frames

you see him happily chatting away, but abrubtly he gets tense and stops himself. only after his mood swing is acknowledged does he try to perk back up and affirm to whoever's asking that he's "just fine". clearly he feels some kind of pressure to bottle up his emotions.

the facade begins to wane slightly here: despite the open ears he remains reticent. another thing: he seems to just be very guarded when he's around people. like physically!

you see him holding himself in the midst of confrontation here, earlier he'd balled up his fist because he got upset thinking about something too long... his stance in general is very tight in public, from what i can tell.

here, he's got his arms firmly placed at his sides as he turns away from whoever it was that confronted him earlier. shortly afterwards when he's sure he's not being looked at, he drops his little half smile.

in the first image of this post, again at around 1:22-1:25 you see him holding his bookbag straps and powering through the hallways the longer he continues to walk, like there's a sense of urgency there.

and here, he's around people that are likely just minding their own business but he's just. not comfortable in any way. the song mentions at this point:

"Always bein' judged by a bunch of strange faces Scared to go outside, haven't seen the light in ages"

even though it seems he's being ignored for the most part. everyone who's addressed him thus far in the song has only ever asked him if he was okay. i have to wonder if he's being gossipped about behind his back for being an outcast and is well aware of it.

"haven't seen the light in ages" strikes me as metaphorical. light as in hope. light as in a reason to keep going.

ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE MOMENT TO HIGHLIGHT THESE LYRICS

But the fact is I can never get off of my mattress And all that they can ask is "Why are you so sad, kid?" (Why are you so sad, kid?)

my guy has been in bed all day long, just awake and in bed dawn to dusk, tossing and turning unable to get to sleep. or even will himself to get up. he hasn't eaten, drank, brushed his teeth, showered, just. bed. and the first thing his (probably) legal guardian thinks to ask him when he FINALLY manages to find some strength is why he's so sad.

it'd be nice to interpret that in a compassionate way. i think best case scenario, his guardian(s) don't know how to help him and want to talk with him. approaching the subject of utter disengagement from the world is difficult when you haven't lived it, and i can't imagine mental health resources are plentiful in early 2000s Amerijapan.

but also he doesn't seem to trust his legal guardian(s)?? he's just as guarded with them as he is with strangers, look at this at around 0:56

he looks anxious trying to address either of them. the way he's looking back and forth between them it's like he's trying to get a word in edgewise but can't.

they're not particularly given identifiable features. they look fairly similar to the "strange faces" he sees judging him, except they're bigger. they cast a longer shadow and they're no comfort to him at all. helps that the lyrics accompanied are:

"And it just keeps on pilin' It's so terrifying"

which implies to me he's constantly in the habit of racking up shames in his legal guardian's eyes. like they pick at him frequently and find reasons upon reasons to scold him, and remind him of everything that's going wrong. maybe the pressure he feels to perform normalcy is derived from them, because if someone finds something "wrong" with him, they're going to pick and pick and demean him and lose faith in him. and that hits too close to home for him.

(i'm willing to bet he is/was physically punished too. like, shot in the dark, but that makes sense to me with how stiffly he walks and how clammed up you see him around ppl. i might be projecting though but hey. never said i was sure.)

I'D LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY GUY IS JUST CHRONICALLY ONLINE TOO

morning to night, he finds himself whiling away HOURS on the computer. time spent online (on messaging clients and what have you) outweighs time spent on homework, and studying, possibly eating. anything else that might beg his attention is forgotten.

anything else that might stress him out is forgotten when he turns on the computer. he can mask (OHOHOHOHO) his struggles online because there's no burden of expectation or obligation.

there's a freedom in his anonymity, in how he can choose his company, and lie about being happy, and they'd believe him. no-one asks questions. there's no pressure. and that makes him "happy" so to speak.

i say that because only when he's messing around online do we finally see him peaceful enough to go to sleep. the fog on his brain is lifted when he turns himself into this person that's full of confidence and takes life easy. and even though he might be faking it...

Been wearin' a smile for so long, it's real So long, it's real, so long, it's real

that'll happen to you when you use another skin to cope with your own shortcomings. i'm acutely aware of this in particular. this might be what some people refer to as irony poisoning? when you do something enough times, even if it's only for show, it becomes habit, and your habits aren't you as a person, but they can certainly shape you.

i wonder if he joked about dark sshit like kidnapping people and committing felonies, etc. to try and make himself let go of the fear of being judged by others. make himself stop feeling empathy so he'd stop acting so careful, thus unchaining himself from his own thought paralysis. plenty of people do that (and some become criminals later on, go figure)

anyhow later on we have a mental breakdown from about 1:31 to 1:39 with:

But I've been places So I'm okay-ish, so I'm okay-ish Yeah, I'm okay, bitch"

coupled with what seems to be a violent start from a dream of some kind?

not sure if this dream IS or is connected to the following scenes of walking through the school hallways + out in the grass, but that would actually make a lot of sense considering "haven't seen the light in ages" compared against his internet addiction. like he found a distraction and thus has little incentive to leave. i imagine he's skipping school and holing up in his room or something.

the effects of what he's doing seem to be catching up with him. you can see him high strung when he gets out of bed, and when he answers to what's likely his guardian(s), it snaps him.

i get the impression he either woke up with all this tension, then realised he slept through the morning and made it worse, OR. the dream sharply reminded him of his current circumstances and THAT made it worse.

maybe he's spiralling because he feels powerless. to stop himself from making bad decisions, from disappointing people, from pushing people away, from underachieving, from misusing his time, from taking his life for granted, from being alone...challenging these doubts about your own agency over your life is tough when you don't know where to start and also you're a teenager.

he's clearly wracked with despair over this but can't act in his own best interest due to closing off all avenues to recovery thanks to never opening up to anyone. god the more i think about it, the more i consider "why are you so sad, kid?" to be accusatory. if you feel singled out in being honest, of course you'll try to avoid that.

also note:

But the fact is I need help, I'm failin' all my classes

damn straight.

jesus that report card. look at that thing, that is straight Fs all the way down. i mean we know he hasn't been doing his homework but god ALL F'S??? IN EVERY SUBJECT????? you'd think he wasn't going to school at all, which kind of lends itself to my idea that he's just altogether not going. or when he is there, doing literally anything else but the work. god damn. relatable

that combined with his outburst, that epic door slam?? that might be what pulls him into the doctor's office later on. like his legal guardian(s) are just sick of his shit and so they get him psychoanalysed.

A FINE ANALYSIS FROM DR. ^w^ PHD, FUCKING "NORMAL JA NAI", WHAT A GENIUS ASSESSMENT. I'M SO GLAD THEY COULD TAP INTO THE HEART OF THE ISSUE AND ADDRESS THE ROOT CAUSE OF HIS SUFFERING IN A THOROUGH AND SPECIALISED MANNER. BASED

no seriously even though that shit kills me every time i see it, i like the implication that they only vaguely diagnose symptoms, write a prescription, and send him on his way. like what's really wrong with him is being overlooked by professionals because the mental health awareness just isn't there. as exemplified by:

"They think that I need glasses"

which is a lyric i laughed at but also...that's kinda true to life. you'll say to your school's counsellor, everything that sings to the tune of someone with executive dysfunction. a spectrum disorder even. and they'll be like

"hm. move em up. they cant see the board that's why they're not taking notes right. have you talked to an ophthalmologist". offering bandaid solutions for bigger issues. and speaking of bandaid solutions, DRUGS

"I just really wish that I could pass this (Wish that I could pass this)"

That's what the mask is That's what the point of the mask is"

SDGLKMFKFKLDHNFGJKNGVF I RAN OUT OF IMAGE SPACE LMAOOOO

okay so basically from 1:49-1:59 Bokutachi goes through a moment of crisis where he laments his fate of being labelled as "NORMAL JA NAI". either he doesn't like the things the medication is doing to him or he's skeptical of taking them at all. regardless those shits are going inthe TRASH. my guy is like "fuck big pharma" out here

he is not in a stable frame of mind at all throughout this video. who knows if those pills would have helped. we'll never know because he doesn't trust them. he doesn't want to think of himself as someone who needs that kind of thing.

as far as he's concerned he doesn't! he has his chat group, he has FUCKING MINESWEEPER; if he were to try and "fix" himself now, what would happen to those spaces? would he still be able to navigate them? find the same joy in them as he once did? they're all that matters to him! he's become accustomed to the isolation and this is his only reprieve (read as: escape) from a hostile environment.

(how hostile it really is, that's sort of up in the air. i'm thinking he's got the makings of a dude with some kinda cluster A disorder. ADD and autism are also on my mind, depression because of the song's origins itself, but eh. i digress.)

you can see him calm himself down once it's time to boot up the computer again at 2:00.

so it would seem, he's already given up on trying to be more than what he is right now. change is scary though, i don't blame him. especially when you feel like it's being forced on you when you didn't ask.

maybe this is him trying to regain some kind of control, but...in a decidedly unhealthy way. by sticking his head in the sand and acting like nothing's wrong. burying the idea that he needs help makes him feel less like a problem that needs to be solved and more like a well adjusted person that's just misunderstood.

at 2:09 he pulls out his planner (i refuse to believe that's a smartphone LIKE COME ON THE TIMELINE. PLEASE) and you can kind of watch his stomach churn knowing there's shit to do but his alter ego doesn't care.

his alter ego isn't concerned with that bullshit. "nah i'll have time. i'll do it later. and if i don't get it done tonight, who cares? nothing's gonna happen to me and i don't gotta answer to anybody. i'm not scared." he's developing an apathy to responsibility b/c it frustrates him he can't manage it.

i have to ask if this is where his rebuke of social acceptability took root.

you even see him at around 2:21-2:26 pull out his medical records and write "daijoubu" next to the diagnosis. which also slays me but next to "NORMAL ja nai" it kind of reads like "not being normal is okay".

that's a perfectly fine stance to have when you're just a little kooky! just a tad silly! eccentric even! i don't know if that's something you should be saying to wave away EVERYTHING that could be affecting you (and potentially others if it goes unchecked), just because it makes you uncomfortable to stare it down! that's dangerous!! particularly when you don't know your limits

i'm also kind of loving 2:28-2:32??? where he raises his head to his legal guardians and he's smiling for the first time in front of them.

but now we're well aware all his smiles are performative. he's wearing the mask for them now too.

the fake it 'til you make it policy seems to be his safety net. in order to avoid being treated and seen like a walking blemish, something to be fixed, he's slowly grown to be more comfortable acting well to do, or at least unaffected. then people leave him alone. when he's loose and devil-may-care, he's allowed to be himself. which would be fine if that were honest.

in truth, he's extremely emotional. he's sensitive. he's scared and wound up. he's angry and he's self conscious. he cannot function in the way the world wants him to, and he can't stand his own inaction in the face of his self-inflicted demise. but when that's too shameful to bear, you don't seek anyone out. imagine how much more painful it would be to have someone see you flounder. they'll poke fun. they'll judge.

it's like he sees the world telling him to be better, and his response is to create what he thinks is an objectively better person. even though at the end of the day he is still who he is.

i wonder if he starts wearing that mask permanently because at one point he'd become aware there was no running from himself. with this being his only way to reconcile his failures, it was inevitable.

we end the animation with him going to sleep and his maegami "masked" self looming over the end credits. smiling is equated with wearing a mask consistently throughout the song, so i find the image of him going to sleep with a smile on his face pretty solidly telling me that he's starting the transition into becoming the Projected Bokutachi as opposed to Plain Bokutachi.

this is the beginning of his descent into a more dangerous, yet exciting and outgoing person. he is mentally unwell and owning it. i don't know what happened between high school and the NNSG plotline (or god forbid, what happened between childhood and adolescence), but here we definitely introduce some catalysts for his face-heel turn.

and now i have even more reasons to reconsider this little rat man's true motivations and character depth.

arigatou gozaimasu Yoli-chan (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚

#nnsg #nyan neko sugar girls #nnsgposting #bokutachi-san #no one is going to read this!! and what's more i actually highly encourage that you don't!!!!#look at this shit is longer than the Half Blood Prince #im really just rambling but like god damn you dont understand #how good it is to be validated with this #after eight years my curiosity has been rewarded #and now to go even further beyond and make even MORE fanfic #god i should show off my theory if were going this far with it right #yeah ill do that. at some point though not tonight #i need fresh brain

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princessdreamie · 4 months

Text

DBH part 28

(Some more adult nonsense happens through the time after Se's Birthday. Like, a trial with Lo's dad. Wow, big shocker *NOT*. His dad loses the trial against the 2 main families, his parents divorce eventually, and the boy decides to stay with his mom while his dad goes down a rabbit hole of weird stuff in his circle of friends and some of his own family. Excluding his sisters, they seem to be the only ones who understand the situation better.)

Might have to mention that I never liked the business aspect of the OG story, bc they were just nonsensical at best. Some stuff never made sense and I won't bother myself or others to go through this with my parts of the story. I also hated the overuse of side stories that didn't matter in the end. Ppl who read the actual story know what I mean. I keep some stuff close to the OG but I won't praise the previous ML & FM leads previously like they did either. Not the biggest fan of the Stantons XP. So back to the story.

It has been quite a long time since Lo's dad, accomplices, and the client have been put to justice. Lo was very embarrassed by his dad but came through all this bc of his Aunts and mom. The school was pretty awkward for him. At least when it came to the teachers. The kids, who didn't really care for grown-up problems or didn't watch the news acted like usual.

Mi kept her suspicion of Lo still for a few more weeks but ultimately chose to give up and see him as a normal kid and not as a brat. To which Na was really grateful for. Still, things had to calm down until everything can get back to normal.

At an oversea place in an institute

Bu laughed out loud after his current caregiver ran out of the room in disbelief. The Lady's face was pale but her face barely showed any reaction. Everyone in this section knew about the Stanton boy and feared that one of them would have to him on next. Bu had fun seeing them run, even more so if they tried to hide their emotions while failing to do so.

In his family, there have been many successful ppl but then there were nut-jobs like N's late aunt, and uncle, and his still very much alive. So unfortunately he became one of them as well. He never cared to know about any other relative he had. His mind was not able to connect those important feelings, like empathy, or kindness. That was clear from the very start.

As the calls from his parents came in practically every week, the Faculty staff didn't want to be the messenger of bad news anymore. Most of them still look up to some of the Stanton's who worked in the medical field. But there is only that much they can do to make the best of their situation.

Ct had to give in to the fact that his son wasn't what he was hoping to become. N was obviously very sad about their recent diagnosis. The leader of the facility told them that it was most likely that he might not be able to be released to the public in his current state.

At Mel's house

Mel had some setbacks with her wedding project. Some of the shipments have been transported elsewhere bc of an error in their system and to say that she was devastated would have been an understatement. She had still some preparations to be done. The earrings had been finished a long time ago, the thing she struggled with was the hair piece and the stuff she needed was on this delivery.

Fa talked with her about this and he believes he has the solution to her problem.

#dbh #divorced billionaire heiress #eric #eric ferguson #chance #billionaire heiress #better ending #alternative ending

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aeonianarchives · 2 years

Text

Firecracker

Summary: the reader is a creature made by Manwë himself, they have the pride and the wings of an eagle.

Pairing: Maglor x Reader

CW: Male!reader, Gay very gay, They/He Pronouns for the Reader, Original Female Character, Fingon x OFC

TW: Morgoth *kinda* abuse towards reader

Song: Firecracker- A Dungeons and Dragons Inspired Original Song by Cami-Cat

A/n: I did change some of the lyrics of the song to suit the fic better

Servant of Manwë that was what you are, that's what you were made to do, but you couldn't help to want more, to want something else, to have a different Purpose, instead of stay by his side and act as his messenger.

Melkor offered you more you would no longer be a messenger, you would be the left hand man, a warrior, he had seen you training with the Fëanorian's you were skilled, and his offer was tempting.

Maglor came to were you sat zone out you didn't hear him approach you jumped when he touched your shoulder "What's got you like this Mellon-nin" Maglor question.

"I got a hard to refuse offer, but I know if I take it, it would mean the end of everything I have good here" You said Maglor was one of your closest friends and you found council in the elf.

"What is the offer" Maglor asked

"I get more, I am no messenger anymore, I get everything I want, but I lose everyone I care about, I would lose you as well" You said.

"I'm sure you won't no matter what you take I will always be their for you" Maglor said you sighed and stood making your decision.

"Ah have you come with an answer for my offer as well" Melkor said.

"I accept it" you said even if you would in the future look back on it and say it was the stupidest decision you ever made in your life, the Valar grinned you had no idea what he planned but Maglor's words ment nothing after Melkor did what he did and stole the Silmarils making you regret your decision immediately but Melkor would hold it to you and Manwë wouldn't take you back now you sided with his Brother who he somewhat hated with a passion.

You sighed as you sat with your legs hanging off Angband, you felt Mairon's Presents behind you "Do you need something oh great lord" you teased Mairon was Melkor's right hand man he made the same mistake you did but he did not regret it.

Mairon said nothing but instead joined you, so you thought to give him a little scare you stood up he was going to ask you were you where going but instead you just let yourself fall Mairon jumped up he yelled after you.

you turned and let your wings out they caught the wind and brought you up, "I HATE YOU" Mairon yelled at you, which you just smiled at as you landed next to Morgoth to save him walking all the way up to get to you, he sighed he may of got used to watching you fall off buildings and then save yourself but Mairon certainly did not

"Stop scaring him, he cares for your safety although he does not show it he's scared one of these times your wings won't be able to save you" Morgoth said you sighed

"You don't actual let me out to fly, i'm getting board, and thats the only adrenalin I get" you said

"if that's what you think, infiltrate himring say I let you escape, I know you want to return to my brother but you fear he won't take you back" Morgoth said

"And how am i suppose to do that looking like this it's rather clean and well dressed they will shoot me as soon as they see me coming and Maedhros knows i work for you, Afterall some idiot kidnapped him and strung him to a cliff to die" you said

"Stop calling him an idiot and for that we need to improvise" Morgoth said taking you down to the servant halls he made you change into rags and got orcs to harm you with their weapons as well as wargs.

"That would seem surfactant go" Morgoth said you took off as soon as you were outside, you flew over mountains and forests and flat plains until you got to the gap of Maglor and saw the city on the edge of the cliff time for some erratic flying which you did a bit to well as you slammed through a glass window of Maedhros' throne room, him and Fingon look at you.

Fingon walked down to you as you did not seem to move he crouched down beside you and checked your injuries over.

"They need a healer Maedhros and now, they may die" Fingon said the other reluctantly called a healer so they took you, it took some time before you were back on your feet you did not suspect a window could do that much damage to you or your wings.

"Leave" Maedhros said to you as he walked in the room.

"What" you questioned

"You heard what I said Leave, I am not going to take pity on you even if morgoth cast you out" Maedhros said

"I have no were to go and I gave you mercy, I feed you, I looked after you while they left you strung from a cliff, i showed mercy on you" you retorted

both of you were to caught up in your argument to hear someone storm passed the guards he was back from his patrol of his lands he stopped next to his brother when he saw you, he heard from Maedhros and Fingon you worked with Morgoth so why were you here.

"Go back to Valinor I am sure Manwë would love you back" Maedhros said.

"Shut up" Maglor said making his voice heard, the two turned from their argument to him.

"You used to be best Friends" Maglor said

"Yeah before that eagle became a vulture" Maedhros said

"Your just like your father, blinded by your emotions and anger, you never will be better than him your just stuck in his shadow" you shot back in response to Maedhros, Maglor didn't even stop you but he did stop his brother.

"Why do you protect her" Maedhros asked his brother

"Why can't I" Maglor challenge you ended up staying in Himring thanks to Maglor and Finrod, you heard their was a festival of the nobles going on two moons away.

Maglor smiled when he saw you, you were the only one with wings so you were never hard to spot he walked down the stairs and towards you.

"Maglor, hello, I have not had the chance to thank you" you said as you saw him approaching.

"Do not worry, are you coming to the festival two moons away" Maglor questioned

"I have not been invited" you said Maglor hmmed

"Will you do me the honour of being my date to the festival" Maglor asked you smiled

"I would love to" you responded, you did not see Maglor before the morning of the festival, he came to your door with clothes in his hand you were shocked but let him in.

"Can't have you failing to look like an absolute Valar can we" Maglor said laying it down on a table it looked to have many pieces to it which freaked you out but when you unfolded it, you realized it did not, Maglor looked away as you tried it on, it did look a lot like it was out of Manwë's wardrobe Maglor smiled seeing it fit you the colours matched your wings perfectly and it brought out your eyes, Maglor smiled as he gently placed the circlet on your head it went well against your hair.

"Your fashion taste is only rivalled by your musical ability" you told Maglor

"You are to kind" Maglor said before he left you, you got caught up in something before get to the festival which was in full swing when you got their the band was accompanied by Maglor's Harp, he began to sing.

There once was a Ellon who could blend into the night His speed was like lightning his step as if in flight And before he slipped away I tried to call him with a plea Please my firecracker come back and dance with me

you leaned against the pillar you were standing next to ever since Maglor had learnt you could control fire he had called you firecracker, Fingon looked at you seeing you with a small smile you your face made him curious especially as you looked at Maglor with an admiring gaze which bored with an infatuated gaze, he walked over to you.

"I though you were not ment to be here" Fingon said you gave him a side eye

"Maglor invited me" you replied to the High King

come and dance now firecracker Stomp your feet to the rhythm Come and dance now firecracker Won’t you now heed our anthem

Maglor knew you did not dance but if he asked you to most often than not you did "Nice little festival you have here" you told Fingon

"It's not my festival it is Maedhros'" Fingon said you smiled slightly at the king as you wings puffed up a bit.

"I see the way you look at Ellarian if you really want to talk of Maglor tell me of her" You said the tips of the kings ears turned red.

"I do not look at her in that way" Fingon said you hmmed

"Yeah sure you don't" you replied to him with a smirk as you both watched Ellarian dance.

Set all the world into a mighty blaze And dance the night away Light up the night with your fiery gaze I won’t forget your face

Fingon turned to you "Can't you use fire as a power you do have Maiar-ish powers as well as those wings" you sighed and shook your head as you walked down the steps you caught Maglor's eye and his original verse he was going to sing changed.

It was then that the Ellon came into my sight Shining brighter than any star in the sky Spinning round his feet kick the ground into a spark Setting fire ablaze inside my heart

Maglor said and if on cue with the words you did as he said kicking up a spark, Maglor stood but the band still played just without the harp.

With his dance he began to warm my world again And I knew I would love him until the end

You smiled as you danced with Maglor a trail of sparks following after your feet and going into the air and making wonderful moving pictures a rabbit jumped to Ellarian who put her hand up to it but then it jumped to Fingon and disappeared.

Maglor had a grin on his face as they danced, you pulled Maglor around his arm had wrapped around your lower back "I did not know you felt that way for me" you said the elf made a worried face.

"But I am glad my feelings are not one sided" you said as you turned him around the music soon found it's way to the end and you returned to where you stood before but this time with Maglor he handed you a glass of wine.

"I did not think you would come when you said you were busy, you came at the wrong timing if I knew would of come in as I started my song I would of sung something else" Maglor said

"Sure but then you would of never learnt of my feelings" you replied to the Elf watching Ellarian and Fingon talk.

"excuse me I will be back" you said and you walked to the two

"My Lady would you honour your king with a dance, he is to shy to ask you himself as he is head over heels in love with you" you said

"Y/N" Fingon hissed you turned your back to him with a wave and returned to Maglor.

"What was that" Maglor asked as he watched Ellarian drag Fingon to the dance floor with a smile.

"just a little wingman thing now where were we" you said to Maglor

"Oh yeah" you said grabbing Maglor's collar and pulling his face to you and kissing him.

"Gi Melin Meleth Nyello-Nin" you said

"Gi Melin Ana Firecracker" Maglor said

Elvish translation:

Gi Melin - I love you

Meleth - Love

Nyello - singer

Ana - to

Nin - my

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archer12xx · 2 years

Text

Letters to Tobias...

Yo! I'm bored so I thought of writing you some letters. Of course, I won't give them to you~ Like I'd want you to read this stuff. Lol (also not sure whether you'd read them so...)

Anyway, I was at the mall with my friend the other day and I saw this pair of cool sunglasses and it reminded me of you. Then I wonder... When did things start reminding me of you? Still don't know the answer so I let it go.

Don't ask me if I bought the sunglasses. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Who knows? My lips are sealed. :P

Welp that's all for today. I hope Vegas is fun for you~

-Me.

Heya~ Saw you on TV today! Man, you're really good at what you do, aren't you? Makes me wanna watch you in person. But we both know that's...

Anyway, today's my day off and I didn't really have anything planned. Talked to the others a bit but since most of them are busy (esp Brooklyn) we ended up splitting right away. Why weren't you there, btw? You're usually online even when you're up in the air... Uh no, I'm not saying I miss you. Uh... Maybe I do...? Lol jk I don't. It's just weird not to have you around, I guess. Got used to your presence, and by your I mean the six of you. So if one of you guys isn't around, it doesn't really feel right.

I guess.

Anyway, hope you're well and come online already!!

-Me.

Yo! Why did you suddenly leave the chat earlier? Did something happen? I'm so curious but at the same time I'm not sure if it's okay to ask or if you'll even tell me. I couldn't follow your conversation with Rory since Leo and I are talking about the game he was recommending. Did he say something to upset you? Or...? Ugh I really don't know. I hope you could just tell me.

You know you can tell me when something's wrong or bothering you, right? I hope so...

Anyway, please take care always.

-Me.

Dude, really... What's wrong? I messaged you after my last letter but you didn't reply. Until now you're not talking to me. Did something really happen? Did I say or do something wrong? I feel like you're avoiding me, avoiding to talk to me for some reason.

I don't understand.

You're in Vegas again today, right? Hope you're having fun. Then at least one of us is... :(

-Me.

I can't open the messenger. No, it's not broken or anything... I just won't. I haven't been opening it. I can see some of the messages on my notification panel though, but I can't get myself to open it.

For some reason... I don't wanna see our conversation being left unread. I don't wanna see that you haven't replied on my messages.

Am I overreacting? I don't understand myself anymore...

Saw you on TV again today, btw. You seem okay so I'm glad. Take care always, Tobias.

-Me.

I was out getting groceries today and when I was looking for some snacks, I unconsciously grabbed a packet of mini m&ms. When I put them on my cart, I realized I don't really eat those... So why am I buying them? Then I remembered a photo you sent in the chat while you were on set before...

Ugh, I really need to go online.

-Me.

Hey. So... We're back to normal. We're talking as if nothing happened... Well, nothing really happened. Apparently it was just me.

When I got back I saw loads of messages from you and for some reason the heavy feeling that I have been carrying in my heart in the past few days have been lifted. I guess now I can't deny it. I really did miss you. Too bad, I'm not telling you. :P

Hope you get enough rest this weekend~ You've been working hard a lot. I'm happy that the show's doing well. Good job, Tobias. ;)

-Me.

So... I didn't mean that. I didn't mean to snap at you. I was just really annoyed for some reason. Plus I wasn't in the mood to joke around to begin with. But still, I'm really sorry. I know I already apologized and you said it was alright and that you're sorry too but I can't help but feel bad.

What was I annoyed at anyway? You've always had a lot of fans asking for your autograph and taking pictures with you. You're a celebrity, that's normal. I don't understand why it was annoying for me that you (and Leo) accused me of being jealous. Still I'm sorry...

Damn, now I think I'm being guilty. Am I jealous? Was I? I... I really don't know anymore.

Anyway, be safe and take care always~

-Me.

What do you do once you find out you have a crush on someone? I don't know what to do. This is... crazy. Wait... Is it a crush or plain admiration? I'm not sure. The line is so thin I can barely see it.

You're a celebrity. You're (obviously) handsome. You have a good personality. I mean you're fun to talk to and everything. Although sometimes your mischief annoys people (ehem Rory), you don't mean harm. And I know deep down that there's more to you than meets the eye. And I wanna know more about you. I wanna see the person behind every smile in front of the camera. I wanna know Tobias not The Fox nor Prince of Vegas. I wanna know you... Everything about you. The good, the bad, the happy, and the sad... I hope you'll let me though.

Anyway, I'm gonna go freak out now. Bye bye~

-Me.

I knew it. This is bad. Milo noticed. And now Milo knows. Why is that guy so perceptive anyway? Ugh...

This is bad. It's also kind of scary... What should I do? I mean, it's not like I'm in love with you or something... Wait... No... I'm... No... No!

Maybe I like... You...? But I'm not in love with you. That's too fast. Do feelings grow faster than plants? Should I ask Brooklyn about this? Ugh, no. I don't... Shoot. This is really bad.

Stay safe and don't catch feelings Tobias. Lol

-Me.

Yo! Heard about the news and saw that everyone's congratulating you. I haven't though. Because you haven't confirmed nor denied it. It's still a 50-50 chance that it was just a rumor. For some reason, my chest hurts. And I feel like crying. And my mind keeps telling me that I don't want you to be with someone else. Why am I thinking this way? If you're really going out with them, and if you're happy, I should be happy for you. Right? You're my friend after all but...

I might be a bad person. Don't get involved with me, Tobias. I'm sorry but I can't be happy for you if it turns out you're dating someone else. I'm selfish and I want to keep you all to myself...

But of course I'm not going to. I'm probably just going to lie and congratulate you and tell you I'm happy for you. Maybe joke around and tell you to behave yourself and everything.

And if the rumors aren't true, still... If you ever find someone, I'll be happy for you even if it breaks my heart. I think that's one of the bitter parts of being in love.

Wait did I just say love...? Oh what the hell...

Anyway, this has gotten longer so I'll stop here. Be happy always, Tobias.

-Me.

So it wasn't true after all. But then you confessed something to the group.

There's actually someone that you like. And you sound so happy about it, so I'm still glad. You're wrong though. You said they might not like you back but I think there's no reason for them not to. Not that I'm saying it was me you like but either way... I already like you. Anyway, I'm sure that person will end up liking you back. You're pretty cool, after all. Lol and that car 👀 come on! Hahaha jk like I said in that other letter, there's more to you and I'm sure that this person will see it as well.

I wish you well, Tobi.

-Me.

I was out to deliver some documents to our client today and guess what...? While I was on my way to their office, I got on the elevator and it broke. There was another guy in there actually. So I was stuck with him for a whole hour.

That was the longest hour of my life. Though he's so nice to talk to me the whole time and keep my mind out of the situation, I still couldn't help but panic. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. I think he noticed how nervous I was and he offered to hold my hand. I was tempted but still refused because I might end up doing more than just taking his hand. Don't go getting jealous now, because it was you. Yes. I can't believe it either! Apparently you had a photoshoot at the same building. That coincidence is too much of a coincidence that my heart believes it to be fate. Was I wrong to refuse to hold your hand? I'm kind of regretting it right now. But I guess an hour of being in the same space with you was enough... For now at least.

You really are the best, Tobias. Despite not knowing who I was, you still showed me how good of a person you are. I think I just fell in love with you all over again.

-Me.

P. S - do you know now why I panicked? Lol

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. You're hinting at something and I'm pretending not to know. But little did you know I'm one step ahead of you.

But the thing is... Should I really do this? It's not about being misunderstood but mostly about being known. Do I want you to know about how I feel? Maybe this is a good time to do it. But the real question is... Am I ready? Are we both ready for it?

Man, being in love is a lot of work. Should I just play an otoge? Ugh... Sorry I got sidetracked there. Anyway, have a happy weekend Foxy. :*

-Me.

This is going to be the last letter that I'm going to write to you.

Today is February 15, 3am... And yes I'm not asleep yet. But you are, on my couch. Why? How did that happen? I don't exactly remember how. I just know that the moment I gave you the chocolate I made and told you how I feel, you're already holding out a bouquet of red roses and the largest chocolate box I've ever seen in my life. The next thing I know you were telling me you like me, too, and you want to go out with me. I think the words got lost on the papers I used to write these letters that I couldn't find some to say. So speechless, so happy, that all I could do was run to you and wrap you in a hug. And here we are. We spent the whole night sitting on my couch, and movies that we don't really watched played on the tv as we talked the night away. We also ate the chocolates we gave each other. And this is one of the best things that ever happened in my life.

This is the last letter I'm writing to you because from now on, I will be able to tell you how I feel.

I love you, Tobias. Always have, always will. I don't have to say take care always now, because I'll just do it myself. ;) Sweet dreams, my love.

-Me.

The End.

So instead of Halloween on Christmas we're having Valentine's on Halloween. 😂

#infinite blue #infinite blue tobias fox #tobias fox #infinite blue fanfic

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ratscabies · 2 years

Text

that guy slid into my dms on fb messenger and I immediately restricted him so I don't see his dms anymore and it won't show me as active on there to him, so if he asks me why I didn't respond this weekend I can easily be like "oh yeah sorry I just don't really use fb"

and I also blocked him on ig and my account is set to private

but now I'm afraid the next step will be him asking me for my phone number, which I do NOT want to give out

and I know the least cowardly thing would be for me to straight up reject him but like. I am a coward!!!!! and I'm afraid of him getting mad at me and making things weird at work!

so like even if I say "sorry I don't really give out my phone number" I know he's gonna ask "why" and idk what to say to that but I'm so scared of straight up being like "I'm gay" or "I'm not interested" bc I don't know how he'll react

also I know he has a gf so he could use the excuse "oh no I just want to be friends" but also..... I do not want to be friends with this man, we have nothing in common and I am just absolutely not interested in getting to know him as a person, but I can't just say that either lol

so idk!!!!!!!!!!!

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mondscheinprinzessin · 2 years

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"lots of possibilities of Aleksi/Joel lake sex to happen😄" tbf all i'M seeing is someone catching them and not letting them live that down for the rest of the year, or to start yelling at them that that gives you a uti and starting to lecture them on sex ed while they're both still there just. there. trying to cover up. (do men get uti's too? idk but i guess it'd only be the active partner at risk right? sex ed did me dirty. and joeleksi apparently too) (remember the sign "wifi only for social media, messengers etc. download porn at the venue"? next tour it'll appear again and someone will scribble under it "NO water sex!!", and they'll find an even dumber way to have sex where they'll get caught or endanger themselves or others) (like idk, the bunk beds don't seem ideal but if you have one-on-one time for the first time in weeks I guess you'll try to make do? or like. the bathroom at night and someone hitting their head when the bus suddenly has to stop)

I wrote Aleksi/Joel when the ask was about Aleksi/Joonas🤦‍♀️ Sorry my OTP was showing, always happens when I start writing the J.

Oh god, that would be the worst! You're in the middle of it and someone's like *cough cough* "You good there?"

The things I'm googling these days: urinary tract infection men What is this fandom making me do?! They definitely have it less than women but it's still a possibility, and I guess? I never had to think about it?😅 So idk, Joonas or Aleksi use a fucking condom, god I will never ever think of doing something in a lake, this asks have ruined me.

Yeha that sign was hilarious😂 They will just add day after day: No lake sex, no pool sex, no sex in the bathroom (or whatever you call it on a bus), no sex in the bunks, no fucking sex on the counter!!, NO SEX ON THE BUS!

I guess if you have two smaller people you can fit into a bunk for a muutal wank? Otherwise it would get really cramped if you lay on top of each other.

Oh god the saga continues: Joonas how on earth did you get a concussion while peeing at night? Joonas: *only remembers the sweet sex beforehand*

Or try the couch area as silently as possible and then accidentally rolling onto the floor with every curve the bus takes.

We can conclude, sex on the bus is the worst, don't do it in the lake or in a pool unless you're prepared, and don't let yourself be caught by Santeri otherwise you won't have a dick anymore to have sex with.

#answered #today on things I never thought I would have to think about #excuse me I will now pick out the sex ed book my mum gave me as a teen

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prozac-shaped-urn · 2 months

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sooooo marin mazzie just said hi.

she appeared as an orb and i stopped the video i was watching and asked if it was her. i've gotten to the point where i typically don't ask anymore, but the color and size or her orb was unusual. very bright with a blue center and a white ring. it was a little larger than the tip of a writing pen and showed up in my lower left periphery.

her message was thus:

she told me that i have to look forward to the promises of tomorrow, even though nothing is promised, and that i can't skate on thin ice forever. i have to take care of myself and take time to rest and process emotions. she says i have a light inside of me and she doesn't want it to go to waste. she's very happy that i'm learning more about musical theatre and i told her it's kinda confusing because there's so much to pay attention to at once, and she said that yes it can be a lot to take in at one time but it's a beautiful art form. she asked what my favorite part of it is so far, and i told her i love the dancing. she wants me to have fun doing this broadway diva competition and she's very happy that i'm enjoying it.

a note on her appearance and personality (i typically don't see the people i talk to so i wanna write this down):

she's VERY bubbly and friendly and has a bright, beautiful smile. she gave me direction but it wasn't demanding, just firm. like she has decades of experience telling her why she should. like she knew if she followed what her experience was telling her, then i would benefit. she wanted me to close my eyes and focus on seeing her. she held my face in her hands and gave me a small kiss on the cheek. she has massive mom energy!! attentive and affectionate and encouraging and kind. there's an effortless strength to her too. i feel like she could probably hold the emotional weight of everyone around her without buckling. i told her to come visit anytime.

before anybody can lose their shit, yes i talk to dead people and no i won't be a messenger.

edit: forgot to mention what she said when i asked if it was her. i was like "are you marin mazzie!?!?" and she goes "sure am!!" like fucken dolly parton lmaoooo i love her

#irl post #clairaudience ftw

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dank-memer-to-the-extreme-r · 3 months

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Can't Drink Wine, But Can Whine

Summer is extremely uncomfortable for me. For some reason I can't handle the heat at all this year, not like last year. This might be because of the mysterious health problem I've developed over the past 6 or so months.

I'm lucky enough to have an air con in my room, but good god do I need one for the office. My bedroom is way too cramped to fit a desk in there, and my air con is too big to drag out anywhere else. Yes, first world problems. But still, it's hot as all hell, even with a fan pointed at me.

Also I hate not having an ergonomic chair. My back constantly hurts and it just adds to the discomfort.

Currently saving up for an air conditioner for the office and an ergonomic chair, but it's very slow because I'm a broke uni student and have to pay for expensive health insurance that I absolutely need for personal reasons I don't want to share. That, rent, food, and wifi suck up pretty much all of my money. Hence why I'm trying to start up an Etsy/Gumroad business and do content creation on the side. I'm starting off with clip compilations, but I might branch off into tutorials and gaming content with voice over. I'm very insecure about my tics, though. But for some reason I'm not afraid of creating things on YouTube anymore, so long as I don't show my face. It's not like people can hate me when I have 0 views. I've got nothing to lose, so long as people don't know who I am.

Anyhow, I can't live anywhere cheaper because of the rental crisis (there's literally nowhere available). I'm honestly lucky I'm not living under a bridge.

Overall, I'm extremely uncomfortable, and my sensory issues just make it a hell of a lot worse. Plus my disability makes things a lot worse, too. It could be worse, it could always be worse, but sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in my own personal hell. The only things that make me feel better is friends, the few family members I get along with, good food, animals, and the topics I'm endlessly passionate about that I keep switching between. These are the things that are literally keeping me alive. They make my life worth living.

I generally believe life is 50% hell 50% heaven. I feel that I've been through most of the hell, so surely things will start to get better soon. Life doesn't feel like it's in motion yet, but I'm sure it will when uni holidays are over. I just feel frozen in time, yet I'm also aware of every passing second getting closer to death.

I'm unfulfilled, incomplete, a work in progress. I feel like an unfinished painting, but I am the painter. I can't let myself slip away like I sometimes want to, not now, not ever, not until I've done what I've set out to do.

I'm a very motivated person, but my consistency is spread out. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it means I can develop a few skills to a high level, just not one skill at a time. One skill at a time would be more efficient, but I don't operate that way. My neurodivergent brain won't allow it. I'm extremely creative because of it, though. Honestly if I could choose to be different, I don't think I would.

My memory issues are terrible, though. I don't remember most people from a year ago or longer, unless they traumatised me in some way, and even then, I only sometimes remember. I just remember how they made me feel. I remember to stay away from them. That's for the best, I'd say.

Honestly, I don't remember what happened almost at all if it's longer than a month ago, unless I'm in a certain frame of mind that remembers it. It's complicated. Really, I struggle to remember yesterday. I mostly live in today, with a little bit of yesterday, and flickers of the recent past. I know facts about myself, I even know things happened sometimes, but I lack the memories of them. They're just blank, empty. I don't think I'm supposed to know. If I remembered how much I suffer on a daily basis I think I'd have a breakdown and give up on life. In a way, I'm very lucky that I don't.

My dream messenger is a gigantic crow with shiny black feathers, and he's told me that sometimes losing things is for the best. I'm inclined to believe him.

#vent #content creators #students #aussie #neurodivergent #actually neurodivergent #productivity #january 2024 #creativity #stressed #frustrated #pain #motivated #beginner #still learning

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somewhatbeautifulsadness · 3 months

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Last night, I had the idea to show you my pics with Japan girl and ask you what you think. Partly because I want to see if you feel even the slightest jealousy and if not, then, at least I have a friend I can talk to about these things.

First of all, all the times I've stared at your messenger status and seeing you're offline, I thought you really were offline. But there you were, replying right away when I sent a message? Dunno really how that works.

As usual, you're responses were on point. Logical and did not convey anything.

But today, you went with me for a smoke. You never did that before while we're in the office. Of course, you went on talking about your favorite films and books and how when you were young you didn't care about boys courting you, you just want to read. How you're mom feared you will end up a spinster.

True to my promise to myself, I started treating her as a friend. It felt light and breezy. It felt freeing.

I still want her, but I won't be (I'll try not to be) too obsessed anymore. Either way it goes, I like her to be my friend. If I am that to her then so be it.

#sapphic yearning #lesbian #unrequited feelings

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eliz-elai-rigel-star · 7 months

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Gods in my head (Work in progress)

1. Lore about the stoopid Gods I made. (I don't have a damned title for this)

I'm going to start from the most important (or powerful) to the least powerful.

💙 Grand Creator (Story writer) any/all pronouns

This dude was the first God, basically created all the gods and deities after him.

He decides the 'story' of everything. All of history within this world is planned and managed by him.

He has control over all things occuring but has limited control over souls (humans and gods).

Sort of like the Christian God.

She doesn't have a form or a voice of her own, if you want to represent her in a physical way you'll just use the other gods for example.

They move in mysterious ways, unpredictable af. They are supposed to be like the author of the story. They do care, but they also won't hesitate to torment you to have a good story.

"I am the world, and the world is me. Every voice you hear is mine, and my voice is all that there is."

💕💕 2. Principles of the Universe.

These are angels that govern the world, and have direct communication with god.

They are basically God's officers, they do what He wants, they govern the natural world (including gods).

They have a cosmic 🌌 theme and have powers based on shit like time, space, reality and all them bs.

They do not have the privilege of creation. They cannot create lifeforms, or rule over humans.

They can be considered archivist, police, messenger, guide, and manager.

💙 Principle of Death. (Grim reaper?)

it/its pronouns

This is the angel of death.

His main job is to take all the human souls that have passed away and put them in the afterlife.

But he can also completely delete things (and people) completely out of existance.

There wasn't an afterlife at first, but they kinda felt pity for the humans, and wanted to give them a place to rest and reincarnate.

As much as the creator can make things, he can also destroy them in an instant.

He supposed to represent loss. As long as something exist, there will be a time where it wouldn't anymore.

Death is very calm and solemn, he is not aggressive. He is not a 'destroyer'.Things always come to an end.

He is depicted as a really old dude, who walks slow, is quiet, and doesn't really give a f. (chill mysterious grandpa)

I would describe his presence like a very warm faint gentle breeze.

Death moves slowly, but it never stops walking. And it may just show up in your doorstep without you noticing.

"Among the principles of the universe, truth, order, justice...only death always remain certain."

💙 Principle of truth. it/its pronouns.

This girl knows EVERYTHING.

She is aware of everything that is happening.

Every action you make, every word you say, EVERYTHING.

She knows the absolute truth, you cannot make up stories in front of her.

She also can peer into your mind to see what your exact intentions are.

She knows everything that is happening on the outside and has memory of it, but she can't know what everyone is thinking. She can only do so in real time and only brief.

She basically a cctv camera, and your search history.

She is also serious and chill like Death, almost same personality but more soft.

"Humans have debated on what good and bad truly is, but they have no idea that the absolute truth bears no weight in moral."

💙 Principle of Faith It/they

God assigned them to make sure that humans and Gods follow their designated stories.

They are sort of like a director or manager, and God is the boss/writer.

They know what God's plans are and the only one who could perceive it.

You can say they are an oracle of some sorts.

But they like...keep a catalogue of papers, dictating God's plan for every single individual.

"Hmph...humans try to change their fate, but everything is already set in stone according to the Creator's plan."

💙 Principle of Order. They/them

Kinda like a president?

God communicates them the laws and rules that have to be followed, and they execute it.

"The laws I present, are the laws the Creator himself have given me. Everyone must fall in like and obey, including all humans, gods, and angels."

💙 Principle of Justice they/them

They go after those who have broken the law and have offended others.

They can be considered as a punisher, or police. But of course they are fair and square, and don't tolerate injustice or corruption.

They are sort of scary and grumpy, they can and WILL punish you if you did something wrong.

"Injustice and corruption are the things that I firmly despise, and humans have done them more than I could ever count."

💙 Angel of purpose. They/he

He is the one mostly communicating with humans about God's plan and terms.

Sort of like those angels in the bible, bringing message to humans.

He tells gods and humans, what their purpose should be and what is their role in life.

He is very approachable, and just really really nice. Humans are not scared of him or hate him, they completely adore him even.

The other deities have mixed opinions on him, some say he barely acts like how an angel should. While some just respect him as he is since it's part of who he is.

"Everyone has an importance on this world, everyone has a role they play. Humans may be weak, but you cannot deny that they are meant for great things."

Fun fact, the angel of purpose has actually been replaced once. The original angel of purpose was stripped of his title and power, and was replaced by another angel that is *almost* a clone of him (they made him a bit different but he basically does the same thing.)

As to why the original Angel of Purpose was replaced, that's another can of worms. But basically he's 'fallen'.

#elizelai

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fuckyeahvanhalen86-95 · 9 months

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As Wolfgang Van Halen discussed in a recent conversation with The Messenger, he has his sights firmly set on the present, specifically a new album and tour dates featuring his solo band Mammoth WVH.

But with the Van Halen name comes endless drama. The band's well-established dysfunction didn't cease with the 2020 death of Eddie, the iconic shredder and Wolfgang's father; ever since, there has been nonstop chatter and bickering around the idea of a tribute show or tour, which bubbled up again last month when Sammy Hagar said that Alex Van Halen won't return his calls and that there's "no way" David Lee Roth would work with him.

For his part, Wolfgang simply says, "I view me just being alive and being in the music business as a tribute to my father every day."

Elaborating, he gave his candid take on the tribute-show rumors and discussed how playing Van Halen songs at last year's shows honoring late Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins gave him a chance to honor his father's legacy.

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THE IDEA OF A TRIBUTE TO YOUR DAD KEEPS COMING UP. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY IT REMAINS SUCH AN ACTIVE CONVERSATION?

It's out of love and how many people my father's writing and playing touched around the world. But life isn't written to have a happy ending — some things just suck. And if I have to figure out how to have a life without my father in it, I think people can figure out how to live without Van Halen, because it can't happen. Dad's not here, Van Halen doesn't exist anymore as far as I'm concerned. The music and the legacy are there, and I'll be here to push that forth, through things like dad's guitar and amp company, and help in every single way.

The unfortunate thing in comparison to what Dave Grohl was able to pull off with the Taylor Hawkins tribute, is that the Foo Fighters have a very friendly thing going on. There wasn't a lot of animosity between members to get it done and Van Halen is quite the opposite. I don't know, maybe it's just '80s bands — there's something about '80s bands where it was the cool thing to be dicks. But some things just don't work out and it seems like this is one of them.

DID PLAYING IN THOSE TAYLOR SHOWS CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE AT ALL ABOUT THE IDEA OF TRIBUTE EVENTS?

Luckily, I feel like I was able to get that feeling from the Taylor thing, which is why I played Van Halen songs and that's not something I take lightly. It felt like the right thing to do, knowing how impossible it would be to do it as a separate thing. I took that as my opportunity obviously to pay tribute to Taylor, but at the same time pay tribute to my father. And that was it for me and it's over — that was me having that moment and being able to do it myself, outside of all the bullshit that the Van Halen duff gets muddled in with. I think I was able to put that to rest and not say goodbye, because I hate to ever speak in absolutes, but for the foreseeable future, Van Halen is not what I'm focused on in any way.

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IS IT FRUSTRATING THAT YOU HAVE TO KEEP DEALING WITH THE SQUABBLING?

Beyond that, it's emotionally difficult for me to hear about it every day. But that's the position I'm in unfortunately, and there's nothing I can do about it. I think Zelda Williams, Robin's daughter, put it in such a beautiful way — on one of the anniversaries of his passing, she said that even a truckload of roses weighs a ton.

I understand that it's all rooted in positivity, but it gets very jarring, and it wears you out. I can't go online or do anything without somebody reminding me "Hey, knock, knock, your dad's dead. Do you miss him?" I feel like unless you're in this position, nobody really understands it. You can empathize with it, but it's very tough to relate to.

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