#might have to make another post about this later but ppl are seriously starting to piss me off | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skykashi · 1 year

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Hi, what do you think about this "Kakashi sucks because he is loyal to the system that is responsible for everything" at first I was angry with the person who said this but at the same time I thought why is Kakashi loyal to Konoha and never left?

Why would he leave?

Like, what would he possibly achieve by running away from his home and leaving the few friends he has left behind?. Kakashi is not like those characters who are like "I got hurt so everyone should hurt too and feel the same pain I felt" no, Kakashi is the kind of character who is like "I got hurt so I don't want anyone else to ever go through what I went through" so he stayed and did his best to protect his friends and the the innocent ppl that he swore to protect when he decided to be a ninja. So what good would running a way and abandoning all of those people would achieve? Leaving the village won't get him anywhere. Like seriously, what would he do after he leaves? Join the Akatsuki and hurt even more innocent ppl? Or just keep running for the rest of his life without doing anything useful at all?! And he did answer your question in chapter 630. When he said "The hole in one's heart gets filled by others around you. People won't flock to someone who abandons the memory of his friends and gives up on the world just because things don't go the way he wants them to. That won't help fill the hole in your heart. People don't help those who run away and do nothing. As long as you don't give up, there will always be salvation."

And this is the difference between Kakashi and Naruto, and all the other characters that "left". No matter how bad he was hurt, he still had hope for a better future, he still did his best to make a change that would actually count and help someone or protect someone. And he didn't only dream of changing Konoha for the best because it wasn't just Konoha, he dreamed of changing the entire Shinobi world so no one would ever get hurt again the same way he and his team got hurt.

Kakashi is not the kind of person who would act upon his emotions alone, he never does anything that isn't well calculated and that's what makes him the tactical genius he is, even when he failed those students that came before team 7, he didn't fail them because he's depressed or because he was being bitter, he failed them because they weren't ready, because they would have probably been killed if they passed and started to take missions and they themselves thanked him for that

And he's not "loyal to the system" as whoever that person is claimed. Kakashi is not a mindless Shinobi who blindly follows orders either, he disobeyed direct orders from both Hiruzen and Tsunade before, if he thinks that a certain order is wrong he won't do it, no matter who gave it

So by staying he did far more good than he could have ever done if he acted like a rebellious teenager and just left. He saved those kids he failed from getting killed in some mission because they were made Shinobi before they were ready, he protected his friends, students and his ppl countless of times and as a result he became Hokage later and helped even more ppl even beyond his nation, by maintaining the peace that they all fought so hard for by creating the exchange system between the Shinobi world that kept them all needing each other and stopped any possible conflict that might occur, he cleaned the village from the corrupt system and all the damage that was still left by Danzo and his followers as mentioned in Kakashi Retsuden, he even forbade killing, even of enemies, to stop the cycle of hatred and revenge... and so many other things he did as a Hokage that I will leave for another post that didn't just help Konoha but helped the entire world like he once dreamed as a kid. He would have never been able to do any of this if he simply just left the village. Throwing a tantrum then leaving the village and not actually doing anything good to change things isn't what makes a character cool imo, but standing their ground, fighting for their beliefs, helping others and trying to make a change is what makes a character cool and that's one of so many reasons Kakashi is my favorite character.

#naruto #kakashi #kakashi hatake #hatake kakashi #uzumaki naruto #naruto uzumaki #naruto meta #meta: naruto #naruto analysis #naruto shippuden #naruto series #naruto manga #my asks #sky answers

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zeltqz · 1 year

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I felt this needed to be sent as an ask. I know it's one of the hardest things to do (writing when your motivation is weighing) but you have to try your best NOT to listen to them (those who keep asking for updates with no consideration of what it's like for the author). Pressure ain't doing nothing but motivating negativity. I know the guilt, I've been there. At the end of the day I gave what I could and the fic ended up being discontinued a month ago. I permanently quit writing because I felt it was so overwhelming and stressful despite being something I absolutely love doing, I just couldn't take knowing people waited for my updates, I was disappointing them and that disappointed me. Talk about depression. Writers depression is very real. So eventually I unpublished my wattpad fics, deleted all my Tumblr fics, and stayed a silent reader, I wrote short poems or small works here and there for my private instagram, just whenever I felt like it. I honestly thought it was permanent. Until a friend of mine started writing which sparked my interest in it again. So I restarted my blog a couple days ago. Gave thought to what it was I wanna write and how I want this blog to be different. Atm I'm barely writing, I started 3 fics last week yet they remain in my drafts untouched with no further progress. But I can honestly say the nonchalance and freedom I have is quite nice, I try to write here and again. Or even if a single sentence or dialogue comes to mind I note it down, that gave life to another sentence and another and another until I put it together and it formed about a decent paragraph.. I'M RAMBLING. I lost track of what I was supposed to say. I don't even know the main point of this story. Forgive me. But seriously, the best advice I can give is to unburden yourself before you drown. Literally. Write what you want when you can, your wips, don't delete them!! I promise you some time later you'll definitely be inspired for them again. And when u do you'll be able to literally write more for it!! I have an idea from 2 yrs ago and it's pretty decent, with some editing it could be even better. So please don't delete them 😭😭 and don't let people push you to update. You can if you can and You can't if you can't!!! I'm here if you need any help 🙏🏻 I noticed that talking about your writing with someone who reciprocates your energy can ignite a full on passionate conversation that will lead to creating quality work!! Like new ideas or even roots to go for old works.. It's a good way to keep the motivation flowing when you're running thin 🤍🤍🤍

this is honestly the sweetest piece of advice soeone ever gave me. its so detailed and relatable too because i used to be a wattpad writer back in 2021 and then ppl kept on asking for update update update and it was so stressful so I just logged out of the account and to this day i havent logged back in 😭😭

as someone who used to be a silent reader i understand the frustration of needing an update. dont get me wrong i understand. i used to feel that exact way because fics were my only source of happiness at one point in my life when everything was shitty. but now im actually writing them, i know why some writers dont want to update so fast because its so much pressure when theres 5-6 ppl in ur inbox asking for update update update

ik how hard it is to finish a story but also how desperate it can get for the readers waiting for said update. which is the reason im constantly trying to keep writing but now i feel like i just cant. im such a perfectionist i dont post anything i dont feel is my best but rn i feel like none of my works are and its making me slack a lot and i feel like if i dont stop feeling this way then i might stop writing as a whole because its making me frustrated

writing genuinely makes me happy bc i feel like its an escape from reality (which i desperately need bc i hate my life) but i cant write good enough which is making me annoyed because i need that reality escape sooooo bad

and the reason i asked yesterday which fics of mine were peoples favourites, most of them were the series that i had deleted from my page because i reread them and hated it so bad. now im rewriting it but with this lack of motivation its one of the hardest things ive had to do in a while

and i barely talk to ppl about my fics because idk i barely recieve comments about them except for PT 2 PLS. like as much as i would LOVE to write part 2 3 4 5 6 7 etc its not motivating enough since i dont have anyone motivating me to write.

ugh this is a lot i dont except anyone to read this but THANKS FOR THE ASK <3

#why do i love to add unnecessary problems to my life #then dedicate myself to solve them #then get sad when i fail #but im too deep in to just give up #i dont wanna deactivate either that solves nothing and itd make me sad #UGH

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kidflashimpulse · 6 months

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Love how your readers vary from giving detailed paragraphs about how absolutely insanely talented you are to degenerates like me who saw Bart is staying at Ed’s and had their brain short circuit lmfaoo

Seriously though, every time you update I think there’s a whole horde of us that just froths at the mouth in joy. I never understood the hype around waiting for a fanfiction to update until I began reading your stuff. There’s something about it that draws the reader in so well and keeps us locked in. Honestly, you could probably go years without posting and the second you do, the people would lose it (that said, please don’t take years to post if you can help it lol). Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and talents with us

both are equally so valid like first of all same (about short-circuiting at zetaflash the struggle is too real) SDFGHjK life is a spectrum and i’m so here for every single part of it !!!!

honestly this is just so crazy for me to read !!! i’ve mentioned this a couple times before but sometimes i’m a little nervous about going for the overarching story plot way with attempts at nuances and all that stuff cause i definitely understand how it’s like to read incomplete fics and the wonders of binge reading complete works, in an ideal world id have everything drafted in advance and post on a schedule (which is how AAIT started out) but turns out i rlly didn’t have the time for that at all 😭 so i was worried about keeping up the steam for its progress and updates, but then reading all the extremely kind words of encouragement, observations, impressions or general thought about every chapter, like wow !! it’s genuinely so amazing, seeing ppl picking up on the exact things i was going for and more, the fleshing it out even further with their own thoughts and impressions, it really adds another whole dimension to the fic that rlly makes the story more alive somehow. the comments really r the best thing out there and i definitely wouldn’t have been this far into the story at all as i am rn, or even as motivated to come up with different fics and plots/concepts to explore and write about. Might be a little cheesy but honestly this past year has been a little rough for me but being in this community has been definitely a highlight of it !! and i am so incredibly grateful for it <<333

thank you for your very sweet comment, it’s so appreciated 💛💛💛 and i do hope to finish AAIT sooner rather than later lol (optimistically/ideally by the end of the year/early next year, but we will see, there should be roughly 3-4 chapters left to it)

#YJ asks #AAIT

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notcolleen · 2 years

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an exclusive tumblr update:

(an update on the update: as im writing this now it’s been like another hour and and im a lot more sober and eating the sushi i was waiting for lmao but im keeping everything i wrote bc it’s nice to look back on honest thoughts and reflect 🧚 so!

[[MORE]]

i am (was 😤) drunk off two lil drinks …im (was 🤸‍♂️) waiting for another sushi dinner bc i asked myself very seriously what i wanted to eat rn and that was the answer (that might always be the answer but im trying to listen to my body and my ~mind rn especially in these dumb beginning stages where i hyperfixate on certain foods and that food rn is salmon avocado rolls) (i promise ive had other things though lol) (i actually really ~challenged~ myself at breakfast but i’ll post abt that later) (bc believe it or not the sushi wasn’t the point of this post)

the point was, i just (well not just anymore, now it’s been like 2 hrs) asked my sister if she would be available to watch my cat for another week if i travel to texas (????) for work right after this oregon trip (literally home sunday, fly out monday? back friday, start work at my site probably a couple days after that)

and i am afraid that my sister actually really hates me and resents every single thing i ask so sending that text felt like i was asking a monumental thing that of course she would say no to, or just feel like she had to say yes to and then hate me for

and i just hate that i can’t tell if im actually really in-tune with ppls emotions/thoughts or just really good at projecting and can’t tell what’s real or not

bc when im with my sister i just feel like i can tell her thoughts under the surface so well, like i just sense the unspoken without even needing to ask, but what if im just entirely off? what if im off about my perception about everyone i know?

i did let her know i would fully pay her and i bought her so many things at the market i was just at as a thank you

and god im overcompensating so much and im also dumb bc i bought her freeze dried candy that i now have to be really careful not to crush on the plane ride home so hello added anxiety during my flight lol

and i got my mom a troll doll (if you follow my instagram u saw this already lol sorry) but here’s the thing: my mom has literally not checked in with me at all since ive gotten here, not even a hey how’s it going text, and i know im an adult and she doesn’t need to do anything like….legally as a mother anymore…. and that actually at this point it’s more my job to take care or her and i could be the bigger person and check in with her, but my last couple texts to her asking “how are you?” or “how are things going?” went completely unanswered and that hurts and the fact that i still saw that doll and immediately got it for makes me feel so so dumb 😌

also dropped my id while waiting for my uber back to the hotel (not drunk colleen, just dumb thinking i can hold my wallet on my wrist colleen) and luckily a very nice man found me and returned it, bc otherwise i would have been completely fucked 😌

anyway im sure ill write more soon but i am also watching the bachelor on my phone and still eating the sushi and need to sleep soon to wake up and do this whole recovery and work and life thing all again tomorrow so goodbye 🙅

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cattles-bians · 3 years

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exes au part 11

post directory

obsetress: i'm about to fully fall asleep but i have been thinking about exes au danvi and like the isabel of it all and dani dating a single mom and how just like

obsetress: vi is so protective of isabel and as much as she loves dani like

obsetress: she took SO LONG before introducing her and then like

obsetress: when they broke up dani left and dani wasnt in isabels life anymore and dani was so good for isabel and viola just feels so fuckin shitty and blames herself and

obsetress: but i'm also thinkin bout soft fluffy stuff too like how much dani loves isabel and how much vi loves watching isabel w dani and

em: hey hannah what the fuck

obsetress: isabel has a nightmare one night and goes to her mom's room and dani's there too and she just curls up between them

em: do you think when they finally reconnected dani was like hey um. does isabel remember me. would it be weird if

obsetress: FUCK

obsetress: this absolutely happens

em: viola is VERY apprehensive at first

obsetress: god yeah esp after getting so hurt by it but

obsetress: viola sure cannot say no to dani!

em: i love some dani with kids tho

em: maybe too soft but do u think for at least a couple years dani would like. send isabel a bday card

em: like dead air otherwise

em: hmm idk i am chewing that one over more

obsetress: god it's hard i think dani wants to but she doesn't

obsetress: i could see dani writing them and holding onto them

em: oh that’s even worse

obsetress: even tho she really doesnt think she'll ever talk to vi again

em: what a soft and depressing thought. thank u. i resent u.

obsetress: yeah it hurts!

obsetress: but then she does! and she gives them all to isabel when she's older maybe

em: hold on i’m gonna bawl

em: sometimes my parents will be like um. do u remember this person and i’m like uh i don’t remember people i worked w two years ago let alone

em: but i think isabel does

em: i will be thinking about this all afternoon bestie have a wonderful slumber

[em note: em yells in hannahs DMs while she's asleep dot png]

em: no um. mate im still furious about the isabel of it all wtf

em: thinking about um. like ok i dont wanna use isabel as a prop but this is certainly one of those times where

em: violas been hurt before and viola's hurt other people before because she's deeply troubled and i feel like that would be one of the first times she sorta. sure she licks her wounds and feels miserable for herself but its also like uh

em: really sobering to realise This Hurts Isabel Too

em: because yknow violas very gatekeep gaslight girlboss i think shes got a strong enough sense of self that nothing really shakes that. maybe even to a deluded degree. i dont think she goes to therapy because shes like wow im fucked up i gotta get help, she's more like

em: shes really driven by her love for isabel!! gestures WILDLY

em: realised this is an au where parents get therapy and dont pass their traumas onto their kids and i want OFF this WILD RIDE im so tired of discovering things about myself through the realm of fiction

obsetress: yeah same i kept thinking about it too alfkadlsfkjdasf

obsetress: i want to reply to every single line of the isabel thing but i'm not gonna do that so let me just say: YEAH

obsetress: like isabel is her cornerstone full stop everything comes down to isabel

em: dani's probably so nervous reconnecting w isabel again. absolutely spinning her lil wheels

em: they set up a lil date and time and dani's doing her gay nervous babble abt if isabel even remembers her or god forbid resents her n jamies like...

em: im pursing my lips as i draw a line on the whiteboard between jamie's whole childhood and isabels and shaking my head Goddamn It

em: jamie lets dani babble it out n pauses and reflects on what she's saying n then jamie's like. the fact ur nervous means u care. n kids are v good at picking up when ppl care. you'll be alright.

obsetress: god yeah this bit i can just. hear it

obsetress: it's so visceral

---

em: viola

obsetress: god my favorite taurus hedonist

[em note: hannah yells in em's DMs while em is asleep dot png]

obsetress: god fuck what was i thinking about isabel this morning like

obsetress: that's what i get for daydreamin between snoozes and not writing it down alas

obsetress: but just like how excited isabel is to see dani again when she does and also like, isabel and rebecca

obsetress: then i started thinking about

obsetress: rebecca and vi getting married and vi's always like i'm not gonna get married again it's bullshit and rebecca's like it's not for me but then they just

obsetress: like they live together and they share everything and rebecca looks out for isabel just as much and they get to a point and it's like

obsetress: oh. oh

obsetress: like they're both like it's the logical thing to do. it's logical and it's safe and we should have this extra layer of protection but also it's like

obsetress: they find themselves more and more excited a lil you know? and just thinking about how isabel's there and how excited isabel is and

obsetress: but god yeah what i was thinking about this morning like. one day vi has to tell isabel dani's not gonna be coming around anymore and like

obsetress: isabel doesn't really understand and she's so sad and then vi feels even shittier

obsetress: and she's like "we'll be okay. it's you and me, remember? moving mountains"

obsetress: "you me us, right?"

obsetress: the first time rebecca meets her she brings her a book as a gift and is like "this was one of my favorites" and

obsetress: OH I REMEMBERED

obsetress: so like when dani sees isabel again finally (and yknow as nervous as dani was vi was even more on edge because it's so inconsistent and is she gonna understand yknow? and the two of them just spiral––which is also another thing about the two of them in a relationship! i think they push each other down spirals)

obsetress: jamie's there too and dani's like "this is... this is, uh, jamie" and it's like you said jamie isabel parallels and so jamie's like a lil tender

obsetress: spoiler: isabel and jamie end up bonding the most

obsetress: jamie's like running around with isabel on her shoulders and then showing her all these plants and taking her to gardens and

obsetress: another tentative jamie vi alliance

em: isabel mikey hangout When

obsetress: isabel mikey hangout!

obsetress: they're hanging with isabel and she and jamie have a very spirited discussion where isabel's like "i wanna be a princess" and dani's like "why not a knight?" and jamie's like "why not opt out of the feudalistic hierarchy entirely and ditch the kingdom for the high seas?" and convinces isabel to go full pirate

obsetress: and then isabel kinda passes out with her head in jamie's lap and jamie's just kinda idly playing with her hair (vi is already like "am i... attracted to jamie in this moment?")

obsetress: and jamie's like "y'know, i should bring mikey round next time isabel's here" and viola's like "......who?" and jamie's like "my little brother? mikey?" and viola's like "right.... right"

obsetress: cut to later, when dani and jamie have retired to vi and becca's guest room: "since when does jamie have a little brother?" "she always has, babe"

em: kinda obsessed w like. violas love for isabel means her wires get crossed when the surly gardener is Good With Kids

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: mikey and isabel immediately hit it off i think

obsetress: a bit of an odd couple because i think isabel is definitely, like, her mother's daughter and mikey is............. mikey

obsetress: but i think they meet in the middle and help each other grow and play pirates together

em: viola is like. of course mikey and isabel will get along. isabel is wonderful. but jamie is quietly Sweating about the whole thing

em: so damvibecca are having their afternoon tea and their little cakes and jamie is Quietly sweating and she’s like ‘quiet is good, right? like they’re not tryna k-‘ and then there’s the sound of two 8 year olds (idk how old they are tbh) YELLING as they chase each other down the hall w wrapping paper tubes

obsetress: nervous babbling dani x quietly sweating jamie, an otp

em: isabel has gotten into the make up n given them both black eyes n scars and moustaches n everyone’s like oh no how’s viola gonna feel about this but viola is DELIGHTED

obsetress: dani's like "chill you all she's gonna––" and then viola is getting up and asking them to do her face too

em: made a parrot outta a sock and newspaper

obsetress: viola playing pirates w isabel and mikey

em: kids w their endless creativity n absolute disregard for personal property is truly a thing of dreams

obsetress: mikey gives her a paper tube and she disarms isabel, takes hers, and offers it very seriously to jamie

em: cuteeee

obsetress: rebecca's giving dani a look and dani is completely unfazed and reaching for another tea cake

em: absolutely unflappable dani clayton

em: dani and rebecca sharing a Look like hey have you ever seen her this gleeful

obsetress: there is something very tasty about jamie taylor having a direct hand in making viola so gleeful

em: takes a village!

obsetress: when viola's two big loves are sitting five feet away from them both

em: everyone changes everyone for the better

em: fucken soft ass chat over here

obsetress: everyone changes everyone for the better

obsetress: soft as hell

em: thesis statement everyone likes each other so much (jamie pretends she doesn’t)

obsetress: (jamie pretends she doesn't) (jamie might like everyone the most)

obsetress: viola registers mikey for isabel's school n pays full tuition

em: oh my god

obsetress: jamie is horrified and refuses to accept it and viola waves a hand and is like "too late, deposit's non-refundable"

em: (they carpool)

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: oh god and like

obsetress: flora and miles go there too

obsetress: full circle complete

em: broke: highschool au woke: guardians of primary schoolers au

obsetress: dani jamie in bed jamie's like "you don't...... think it's weird?" "hmm?" "mikey going to.... school with our boss' kids?" "why would that be weird" "i dunno" "he also goes to school with my ex's kid" "he's best friends with your ex's kid" "and that's not weird, is it?" (grumbles) "not anymore" "so why would this be?"

em: jamie’s ribbing mikey for his silly tie and straw hat but she teaches him how to tie a tie and also she keeps crying for some reason???

obsetress: oh fuck

em: mikey: can’t i just get a fake tie >:/

jamie: no because when u have a real tie you can leave it untied a little as an act of rebellion

obsetress: god it's jamie crying for me

em: i love that big baby

obsetress: so much!

em: jamies like idk what’s gotten into me i never cry n danis like. raises one eye brow and mentally checks off all the times jamie has absolutely bawled watching a movie

em: not even a sad movie

em: dani plays along

em: maybe ur getting soft in ur old age jamie

obsetress: jamie i cry three four times a day five if i'm being honest taylor

em: thinking about their weekly weekend lunch w damvibecca and hannah and owen and miles and flora and

obsetress: dfjsldkfjslfslfj

obsetress: god big found family

obsetress: you know viola doesn't like

obsetress: dani and jamie respectfully toe around whatever the fuck owen and hannah have going on but viola just does not suffer it. she's so blunt to them

em: big viola grin and all ‘owen, hannah, i assume you will be each other’s dates?’ (owen chokes on his tiny egg sandwich)

em: hannah grose is serene and unreadable as she dabs a bit off yolk off owens moustache

em: maybe even a bit pleased

obsetress: everyone is always so tense when viola and hannah get together because neither of them take shit yknow

obsetress: and everyone's like "which way is this gonna go"

em: god. peak snarky broads

obsetress: but usually they end up good. two apex predators where one is a lil vicious but the other is so confident in its status that it just chills

em: they have the Best gossip

obsetress: would love to sit in and listen as they drink tea and gossip tbh

em: viola presses owen on hannah and he goes red and viola presses hannah on owen and she does a little wouldnt-you-like-to-know into her tea

em: viola nee willoughby and hannah grose friendship is. truly something i never knew i needed until now

em: they’re both just that lil bit older than the rest of the gang too

obsetress: an important coalition

obsetress: hannah grose! hannah looking out for rebecca and that's the couple times she gets a lil testy w vi

obsetress: mikey and isabel besties but flora and mikey get along really well and isabel and miles do too i think

em: the sheer chaos of a taylor-lloyd-windgrave story time

obsetress: LDKFjKLSDJF HELP

obsetress: taylor lloyd wingrave story time

obsetress: jamie suddenly very invested in story time

obsetress: dani's like "i know this is the first time you've actually cared about story time, babe, so let me give you some pointers"

em: i was just in my head thinking fondly about like. jamie is a drop out and plays a lil dumb sometimes for fun but also prolly reads a lot especially to mikey and now i’m like. wait i’m talking to Ms Floras Two Moms herself

em: idk if i had that headcanon before i read she taught me a lesson alright but yknow what! doesn’t matter it’s a beautiful one

obsetress: thank youuuu i love it a lot

obsetress: jamie big reader is generally one of my fave headcanons tbh i'm glad it seems to be widely accepted. can't even explain why it's just nice

em: sometimes i will talk 2 ppl about my passionate drop out jamie taylor belief n then they’re like but she’s smart (it’s only happened a couple times hahsj) and i’m like these aren’t mutually exclusive!! this is my very biased experience but my friends who do manual labor for a living seem to read so much more than my friends who don’t

em: your brain wants to chew over things while the hands are workin i reckon

obsetress: yes yes yes yes yes

obsetress: i think that's also like (sighs heavily)

obsetress: symptomatic of hegemonic perceptions of the working class

em: i love when u sigh heavily it’s always a fun take

obsetress: i think jamie is v clever and reflective and like if there's one thing i've learned getting older it's

obsetress: smart doesn't matter i think the most insightful most thoughtful people are the most reflective ones

obsetress: like none of it fuckin matters just be a nice person

#in which hannah says hegemonic perceptions of the working class and i pretend its foreshadowing vampire au #the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au #LONG one its like #2500 words which is #yknow! some pages #idk what counts as long all writing is witchcraft to meajhfjbnk #ik i should be pacing these a lil better but #i just wanna get up to vibeccas wedding im IMPATIENT

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ashren · 2 years

Text

More Charlie Lore!

I ended up writing a lot more than I meant to so it's once again under a cut bc it's just a wall of text mostly

Their story and background is still a wip so some of these details might change eventually but anyway!! Some more info on Charlie and ghosts in general ☺️

Charlie died at 22, in 2008. They heal in the Afterlife and seem to stop aging. (They find out later they actually just age incredibly slowly)

They also can ‘die’ if they're injured enough. They're still human enough that they need the now ectoplasmic blood flowing through their body, however, they do have enhanced healing, so they can take more damage than a regular human.

They also have the ability to heal others, but at the cost of taking on the injury themselves. So, if they were to heal a paper cut on someone's thumb, then it would appear on Charlie, and would take as long to heal on Charlie as it would for a normal person. (AKA, Charlie can't take on someone's injury and then heal with their accelerated healing faster than the hurt person would have healed. Charlie's a ghost so I'm trying not to make them too op lmfao)

When Charlie visits other Plains, time for their world still moves normally while they're gone. They can't time travel in their own Plain, timelines are still linear, so if they spend 5 months in Halcyon with the crew, when they return back to their version of Earth, 5 months have passed there as well. (Charlie's Earth isn't the same Earth Ren is from, they're just very similar but different Plains)

Charlie grew up in [Redacted], in a shitty apartment in the city with their dad. They didn't grew up with a lot of money, but it never really bothered Charlie, they were happy with their dad.

Charlie’s dad died when they were 16. He got sick.

After that, they end up having a pretty uneventful life for a little bit, aside from lying about their age so they could live alone in the apartment after their dad died and not get taken away. But they keep their head down and finish school with good grades, goes to a community college while working for a few years to save money and eventually gets into a pretty good university with a really good scholarship which is where they start studying whatever the field is that would study the Afterlife or Plains.

(I'm still working on naming stuff bc it turns out world building is hard)

I have some stuff in the middle, too, like Charlie has some friends (whose names i haven't landed on yet) that help them out after their dad first dies and they eventually look into Charlie's disappearance after they die, and a kindly older lady neighbor who pretends not to know that Charlie is 16 after their dad dies and covers for them a lot. She leaves them “leftovers she could simply never finish” all the time, especially when Charlie first starts college, etc.

After Charlie is injured and then dumped in the Afterlife, they heal and spend almost a decade in the Afterlife trying to adjust to being a ghost, because they don't know they're not fully dead yet.

i have a LOT of ghost lore which will probably be its own post some time bc it's a seriously unnecessary amount of lore but the important part for Charlie is that most of the time ghosts can't really use their ‘powers’ for longer than a few seconds, maybe minutes in another Plain, if they can even appear at all. But Charlie, because they're still part alive, can sustain their form in the Real World still.

Howeverrrrrr, Charlie healed with ectoplasm so they also took on a ghostly form. In this world ghosts, when fully visible, look similar to what they looked like while alive, but with everything wrong. Sharp teeth, pointed ears and talon like fingers, glowing eyes, general spooky stuff. Powerful ghosts can disguise themselves as human momentarily (hence ppl seeing non spooky ghosts. cuz some ghosts are just ppl wanting to say hi) and bc Charlie is a weird mix of alive and dead, they can appear human for extended periods of time without using too much energy.

ANYWAY Charlie accidentally figures all this stuff out the hard way when they're sucked through another opening like the one they'd been thrown into when they died, and landed back on Earth in 2017.

and that'a a bit of what i have so far! it's fun writing about a completely originally character but i also am loving the idea of just dumping them in Halcyon for a while hehe

(@the-lastcall (tagging u bc you had asked about more charlie info 👀) )

#Charlie charlie charlie my beloved #i'll do another post some day about Charlie and their emotional regulation as a ghost and how that affects their powers #and some of the more scary stuff they can do #like #they find out eventually that they can transfer their natural injuries on others #in a similar way that they can heal other ppls injuries #but they're terrified of the power at first #anyway #charlie reeves #my ocs

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akaluan · 3 years

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34 and 35 for the ask meme please!

34) Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

Another parchment-and-ink flicker in the corner of Erich’s eye and suddenly wind rushes past them, so strong it sends him tumbling into Alexis and then out, past the statue and into the open ground in front of the gigantic tree. He lays where he’s fallen, his head on Alexis’ flank, and once again tries to process what the hell is happening to them.

(Once he could write off as a trick of his senses, but twice?)

(No, something is going on here, and it’s all focused around that strange white wolf.)

The wolf bounds back to their side, clearly impatient for them to get up and finally follow it, and Erich heaves a sigh; if this wolf is the one making the odd things happen, then there’s clearly no way they can easily escape. So he drags himself upright and gives his body a shake, trying to settle into his unexpected shape and settle the fur ruffled by his impromptu flight. He wasn’t hurt by the gust of wind, but he’s still… shaken.

((Heeeee.. i love this story, maybe I’ll get enough of it written at some point to start posting))

35) Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Oh heck, uuuhhh..

Head empty, ask again later~

Okay but more seriously (I had to step away to think about this for a moment, lol, because my head is a muddled mess 3/4ths of the time with like twenty different trains of thought running on different schedules and it can be hard to pluck one free)

There’s a lot I want to experiment with this year, tbh. Finishing DE is going to free up a *huge* chunk of my processing power (DE has gotten pretty exhausting to write, after all these years, even if I do still love it) and the fact that I have Soulmate AU 90% done means that I’m not going to be really struggling to keep up with the monthly posts for almost 2 years. And with that freedom, I want to like... try to play with shorter stories and get them completed as well. There have been a fair number of these trope mashup prompts that I would really like to write a bit more for, and I think I’ll have that bandwidth this year.

I also want to keep doing the various prompt fills every so often -- I’m pretty close to answering all the prompt fills I still have in the queue, actually! -- because they’ve really been helping my muse stay fresh and focused. They’re fun and (usually) short and just an interesting experiment in what sort of scenarios can i craft for each thing

And I know some people don’t like the fact that I do cross overs as much as I do, but I don’t know if that’s going to stop -- I like the challenge of mashing up different worlds and making them work together, and Tanya the Evil might have been the most *obvious* one but it was definitely not the first.

I really want to sit back -- maybe next month, maybe a bit closer to when DE is done -- and just.. assess every single AU i have. At the very least, I intend to clean as many as possible up and post them on AO3, which will probably mean expanding on them a little, lol! But mostly I want to take stock and see which ones currently resonate with me and can have more written for. Though I might put it up for a vote on which get worked on first! XD I only have so many hours in the day, after all, so i need to do some sort of prioritization, and I might as well let ppl have a bit of a say if I can’t decide myself.

#ask meme #whoknowsyourfuture #replies

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silver-wield · 4 years

Text

FF7R: What if?

I’m back with more analysis!

So, I caught a youtube theory that said because the whispers are gone now, every single event they interferred in is retconned. I was gonna be like, that sounds interesting, but then they went off on this huge tangeant that ended in – you guessed it – Cloud dying 😒

Even though it literally contradicted their own evidence they'd stated earlier in the vid.

Sephiroth says he won't let Cloud die, but then we've got Cloud having seven seconds to make a choice and sacrifice himself for the greater good. Even though Sephiroth literally said he won't let Cloud die. This is why I don't listen to theory vids where they have people live or die because it ignores canon and the devs have said canon still counts, so until we get evidence otherwise I'm gonna go ahead and say Cloud lives and please stop trying to FF15 him because that is the absolute suckiest ending for a guy who absolutely has earned and deserves his best ending – which is ALIVE. He deserves to be alive!

(Not to mention the other theories starting that Sephiroth is the good guy now...like seriously? Stuff like this makes me want to cry. Sephiroth isn't good and Cloud doesn't deserve to die. How tf is this FF7? This is the worst kind of fan fiction trash and it belongs in a dumpster fire!)

And that's my tangeant lol

So, back to the whispers and the what if. If their influence is now undone and everything they interfered in is gone I wondered what that meant. So, Imma gonna follow the ones we know about and see what conclusion we get. I've got a chart of each appearance they make in Remake, so these are the actual events they interfered in.

Let's mosey!

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be huge lol.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

Chapter 2 is the first time we see the whispers and their purpose here is to keep Aerith from leaving the area before Cloud arrives – because they meet in the OG – they then later chase her away – also OG – leaving him to fight the security forces alone.

So, we can't actually see them yet, but their purpose at this point is to keep Aerith from leaving the area so she can have the whole flower conversation with Cloud.

What if?

If Aerith wasn't forced to remain there, then she'd have evacuated along with other residents and gone back to sector 5. She'd never meet Cloud, never agree to go back to Shinra and the story of FF7 wouldn't happen.

Aerith is about to stay and fight alongside Cloud until a whisper chases her away, allowing her to deliver her OG line of, “Nice meeting you.”

What if?

If Aerith stayed she'd have remained with Cloud until the station, where he'd been forced to get her onto the train with Avalanche. She'd have met them and Tifa much sooner, possibly joined their cause and potentially died in the pillar if she wasn't able to convince Tifa she could go along to Don Corneo's.

The other option is Cloud would've taken her back to sector 5 once they got to sector 7 and they'd have avoided the rooftop walk, he'd have gone back to sector 7 because that's where he lives and they wouldn't have met again.

Chapter 3 is their next appearance after Cloud gets a futuristic flash of the plate collapse. They appear to distract him and prevent him from questioning what he just saw.

What if?

Cloud could bring up the plate's structural integrity around Avalanche or the neighbourhood watch. They could increase patrols around that area and get a jump on Shinra's attempt to collapse it. The increased security could mean they're successful in stopping the plate from falling.

(Don't tell Cloud this, he'll drown in guilt forever lol)

Still in Chapter 3, during the scene at Seventh Heaven where Cloud isn't included in the next reactor mission. An intangible whisper floats near the ceiling, observing events.

What if?

Since this relates to Cloud being part of the reactor 5 mission, his not going would be catastrophic for those who went instead. Why? I'll get to that in a sec.

Near the end of Chapter 4, whispers appear in Cloud's room while he sleeps. Their purpose is to ensure Cloud remains asleep(?) while they incapacitate Jessie (see conclusion for my theory).

What if?

Well, they failed, since Cloud woke up anyway, but if he'd slept through the fighting then Jessie would still be injured and he'd be on for the mission.

So, we're at the reason for the whispers last two appearances. With Cloud off the reactor 5 mission, Jessie, Barret and Biggs are the go to team. That's not what's meant to happen.

What if?

Oh, I like this one. This one has a huge impact.

Jessie goes on the mission with Barret, leaving Tifa and Cloud behind. Biggs is waiting over by the reactor the same as before.

While on the train, the security measures activate the same as before. Since Cloud was the one who suggested jumping from the train, these two won't think of it. They'll fight the bots off until they arrive at the station where they're either captured by security forces or killed on the spot.

If by some chance one of them realises they need to get off right away and they jump the same as our triple A trio did, they'd likely die during the crab warden battle.

If by some miracle they get past all of that and complete the lighting the path section to get the cargo platform moving and make it into the reactor, they're still caught by Shinra and then executed because only Cloud knows how to dispose of the Air Buster's components.

So, to put it in simple terms: they die.

Neat huh?

The very end of Chapter 7 where Cloud is falling from the scaffold into sector 5's church (what religion is this church for anyway?). Whispers appear to slow his fall and keep him alive.

What if?

He dead lol

What else should I say? He fell 300m and he's not invincible.

In the sector 5 chuch after the Reno fight, Cloud is about to kill Reno and whispers appear to stop him and drag him and Aerith away.

What if?

Another fun one.

Reno dies, the security forces either die or retreat from Cloud. If Aerith isn't traumatised by witnessing a murder right in front of her, she and Cloud walk out of the church and he takes her home, instead of the detour over the rooftops and through the scrapyard (because they'd have taken less time walking along the main road and arrived well before Rude got there in the helicopter).

Rude would've gone to the church when Reno didn't answer, found him dead, come after Cloud for revenge, been killed or badly injured and Cloud would've fixed his reputation around that sector as a badass murderer who you don't mess with.

Elmyra would've sent him on his way because she doesn't want her baby hanging out with a killer and Cloud would've arrived back in sector 7 well before Tifa had the idea to go to Don Corneo. He either would've gone with her or they'd have stormed the mansion instead of the route that actually happened. They may have still been dropped into the sewers, but with a day in hand before the operation, would've arrived back in sector 7 before Shinra arrived and saved the pillar.

Whispers cover the church and block specific exits, leaving the route to the roof open. When Aerith falls (twice) they save her.

What if?

Cloud would take a different exit besides the roof, which would lead to a similar result as above where he avoids Rude at the station and has more time to get home instead of being forced to stay overnight because “it's getting late”. He'd help Avalanche save the plate and wouldn't have to let Tifa go to Don Corneo alone.

For Aerith, the whispers saving her mean she's uninjured and can cross the rooftops. The whispers also prevent Reno from taking her back to Shinra by force.

We don't see the whispers again until all the way over in chapter 12, where they appear to block Cloud, Tifa and Aerith from reaching the pillar.

What if?

Since Cloud is the only one to go up the pillar to start, we'd see him arrive in time to save Wedge and Biggs, then move up with them to save Jessie before reaching Barret.

If we include the previous what if with Reno being killed and Rude injured then the person piloting the helicopter won't know who Cloud is and won't be as vindictive in attacking him. This means the pipes won't fall from the platform and Tifa won't go up there.

Tifa and Aerith would go to 7th heaven to get Marlene and evacuate the sector, Tseng would still appear to threaten Aerith, but Tifa may well be strong enough to deal with him On the other hand, she might not and wind up dead.

If we discount the chapter 8 what if and Reno and Rude are fine, he and Rude have Cloud, Biggs and Wedge pinned down with no solution in sight until Tifa meets up with them (the pipes would still fall here). They'd move on to meet up with Jessie and Barret as a large group, where they'd still save the plate from falling and likely kill Reno and Rude with their larger number party.

Chapter 12, Whispers surround Rude as he tosses Tifa aside and pushes the plate separation button.

What if?

Cloud or Barret would've killed Rude and stopped the plate separating.

Chapter 12, Whispers surround Wedge, keeping him in place until a piece of the plate drops on him.

What if?

Wedge would escape with his cat out of sector 7 and our triple A team wouldn't find Deepground later on. (Kinda odd, seeing how they then drag Cloud away from discovering more about his past once they're there, but it looks like the whispers don't consider their own actions aside from ensuring the current OG canon event takes place. Wedge needed to die, so they dropped shit on him.)

Chapter 13, Whispers appear during Deepground when Cloud is about to remember the experiments carried out on him.

What if?

Cloud would remember his past much sooner, likely have a breakdown right then and there, which makes him incapable of rescuing Aerith. Tifa wouldn't have the benefit of the lifestream to deep dive into his subconscious and help him, so it would likely take a lot longer for him to repair his fractured psyche. Aerith would be experimented on by Hojo, forcibly impregnated and likely killed.

After their big interference in chapters 12 and 13, we don't see the whispers again until Chapter 16, where they appear to drag Hojo away before he can spill the beans to Cloud.

What if?

Cloud is told of his fake persona and recalls the true events of what happened to him. He likely has a mental breakdown, making him useless for the rest of the escape from the lab. The team gets caught and probably executed as an example of what happens to those who go against Shinra.

Aerith is recaptured and the experiments on her continue.

Chapter 17 and whispers surround Aerith, trying to prevent her revealing the truth about who their real enemy is and other events to come.

What if?

Aerith would reveal all about Sephiroth, his role in things and possibly other details that only she knows because she's got some weird meta!Aerith thing happening this time around. She'd be a far less mysterious character and the team would know exactly what they're facing instead of being left in the dark.

At the end of chapter 17, Sephiroth stabs Barret and kills him. Whispers immediately appear to bring him back to life.

What if?

Well, Barret's dead. That means there's no one to help Aerith and Red in the mech battle as they're escaping, meaning they'll either die or be recaptured.

If they escape still and get out of Midgar, not having Barret in the team means the events in Corel change and the possibility of them not getting out or losing the battle to Dyne becomes a possibility. If they're stuck in Corel prison forever, then they're stuck forever.

If they manage to escape, there's still a huge Barret shaped hole in the team formation and they're in trouble anytime they need a long range fighter, and while Barret does fly off the handle whenever he's ranting about something, he's also got a huge heart and offers a perspective that's different to the others. He holds Cloud and Tifa together when they lose focus and is pretty much the team dad. Without him around they're not as strong emotionally or morally.

Still chapter 17 and the whispers surround Cloud as he tries to go after what he thinks is Sephiroth, but is actually a cloaked figure carrying Jenova away.

What if?

I'm suspicious about the identity of #2 here. On the one hand, stopping him from taking Jenova away means she returns to her tank and the threat from her is gone, but on the other hand, what if the reason why they were stopping Cloud is because he knows #2?

In Crisis Core we learn that Cloud was kept in the #2 tank beside Zack, but he never got a number tattoed on his arm. Because of his S cells he won't degrade and turn into a remnant like the others, but (someone correct me if I'm wrong here) Zack has G cells and would degrade eventually. It's all well and good saying he died, but what if he didn't? Before the crisp packet I mean. What if his body was collected by Hojo, had further experiments done and given a tattoo, only because he doesn't give a fuck which one of them was in which tank, he tattoos the wrong number on Zack and so he turns into #2.

It seems far too simple the whispers appeared to stop Cloud from getting to Jenova when that's a remnant that with a number that has potential revelations that would fuck Cloud all the way up.

So, he stops the remnant, learns their identity and freaks tf out and becomes useless for the rest of the escape. They're likely captured by Rufus and executed. The world ends because no one can stop Sephiroth.

The whispers appear to stop Wedge and push him out of a window, restoring canon with his death.

What if?

Does anyone think it's strange they're so insistent that Wedge dies? Why? They've tried to kill him 3 times and he's only a minor character and his being alive wouldn't affect anything.

Unless it does.

Cait Sith theory anyone? If Wedge is somehow transferred into the moogle body that Cait Sith uses then him being dead would be very important because his consciousness would be needed to pilot the moogle. We've got a lot of cat references with Wedge and he's the kind of short, squat shape the moogle is, not to mention he's desperate to be relevant to everyone. So, maybe he doesn't talk when he's the moogle, but he's self aware enough that he wants to do his part for everyone. We only find out after he dies again that it's actually him. Cue tears from Barret.

Whispers cover the Shinra building, causing a delay in our heroes departure when they stop to look at it.

What if?

Well, there'd be no road battle and everyone would get out of town a lot sooner. Maybe the whispers did just wanna see a fight.

Honestly, this one stumps me. There's so many of them. It's like a miniature version of when they cover Midgar. So, what's happening inside the Shinra building that needs them to do this much to contain it? You gotta remember, we're not always getting all the info. There's other things happening besides with Cloud and the gang.

Hojo's inside, so is Rufus and the Turks. They're obviously trying to prevent a change or delay it enough that things continue regardless, but hiding the team from Rufus who has to send troops after them doesn't seem right. I'm betting something else happened here.

The whispers appear to hold up the collapsing roadway so our heroes escape.

What if?

Well, they dead, so this one's simple lol

The whispers in the past cover Midgar.

What if?

Now, if this is an all time consequential event. This one matters. Which makes me question what's happening in the Shinra building that matters.

The glittering result happens only in Zack's scenes and the lingering glitter is then seen in the present, which indicates some sort of ripple effect going out from that point in time. So, let's track it.

Let's assume that Zack reaching Midgar is what's being prevented here and now he's gonna make it alive. Zack's death is the first jolt that brings Cloud back to himself enough to get to the city, where he then finds Tifa. If this doesn't happen because Zack is caring for Cloud, then he'll end up in sector 5 instead and still very sick. His recovery will be a lot slower and it'll be Zack who goes about with Aerith. Cloud might not recover at all by the end of the game since it's Tifa calling to him that wakes him up.

Avalanche would likely fail the first bombing mission, since they needed Cloud's expertise to get in and out. They might die in the attempt.

There's no plate fall because Avalanche failed and Shinra needed them to blame for it.

Aerith has no reason to go with the Turks and there's no rescue afterwards.

Sephiroth would still retrieve Jenova, but there'd be no one to chase after him because Zack wouldn't be inside the Shinra building because Aerith wouldn't.

Sephiroth would still need a reunion puppet to get the black materia though, so there might be several attempts before he succeeds, but I believe he would eventually even without Cloud. Meteor would be summoned and the world would end.

And that's why Zack has to die.

Whispers linger around several grunt soldiers as Zack prepares to fight.

What if?

Just confirming what I said above about Zack being a necessary key part in the machine that needs to be taken out if things are gonna continue along the ideal timeline where the planet doesn't end in a fiery ball of death and destruction.

Conclusion.

I'm not gonna add the giant whisper battle because that's obvious, but there's definitely some inconsistences happening with what the planet deems important. There's huge events that actually make a difference when you track them and then there's some that make you go “wtaf?”

Most of the whispers interfering is to keep people alive or ensure continuity. They don't get in the way otherwise.

Except one time.

Chapter 4, where you even hear a voice ??? saying to sleep and dream sweet dreams. That doesn't seem right.

I mean, it sounds like Sephiroth and if I was gonna make a reach, the whole dream imagery has been very clearly linked to Aerith in Remake, so is he saying to remain within the dream so that reality can't happen? If Sephiroth wanted to succeed he'd prefer Cloud to avoid reality right? He told him to run away, to live, to leave, to avoid things. He wants Cloud to choose not to fight.

He's a bad guy (no redemption bullshit please), but his motives are much more complicated this time round. He's been very closely linked with Aerith a few times. He touches her. She's the only person beside Cloud he touches. Sure, it's a vision, but the devs still had it happen. And Sephiroth's voice is heard coming from Aerith's direction at the end of the game.

It's obvious this Sephiroth isn't the same as the OG one, but how much is he aware of? I don't believe the whole time travel theory. I do believe the meta!theory, because Sephiroth could get info from the lifestream the same way Aerith did at the start when she's staring at the mako coming out of the pipe. He could still be OG Sephiroth using what he learned during his little dip to manipulate events in his favour. There doesn't have to be a need for time travel to do this. Aerith's changing stuff without being a time traveller ffs. People need to stop going “well it's Nomura” and acting like anything ott is a go.

What I'm getting at is people need to stop looking at this from a mile long distance and screaming time travel because that's all games and films have done lately and look at it using the actual evidence we've got in the game. What we got is the whispers had clear motives for what they did, except one time when a voice was heard. Yall need to look at this shit the devs are dropping in front of your noses because this is where the plot is happening.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake theory #Sephiroth motives #what if #meta theory #Final fantasy 7 remake analysis #whispers analysis

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secondhand-trash · 4 years

Text

It’s 2am and I’m having thoughts but this might get rambly and long so I’m gonna put a read more here just scroll past if you don’t want to listen to me talk about blog things and writing philosophies etc lmao

Occasionally I think back to when I first started posting for real on this blog which should be around late February 2019 and how much purer I viewed this whole “tumblr” thing as. I made this blog sometime around 2015/2016 and I was only on here to read other people’s writing, I didn’t think for a second that I would end up posting my own shit because it was a time when I wasn’t writing at all.

I remembered how excited I was to get my first request ever around two years later and to have people send me asks (I say this liberally, I got like maybe two asks for those dozen ask games I reblogged lmao). I stopped writing for another two years after absolutely hating this thing I wrote for a request because it just sucked so much and made me feel like I couldn’t do this thing at all. Fast forward another two years and I posted what I would now regard as my “first decent fic” which was actually another request (if I think of it now, I got that one purely because it was a super new fandom at the time and little to know people wrote for it). I don’t think I’ve ever been as genuinely happy and excited as I had the next morning after posting to see that “99+” notif next to the tumblr icon because I really wasn’t expecting any notes at all. My last few fics got around 50 and I already thought it’s so much.

I still had little followers back then, by the way. It’s been 2-3 years since I posted for real and I had a little less than 100? Most of them followed because I was writing for a big fandom for the first time since I joined tumblr. But then I stopped writing for a few months after that because I just wasn’t inspired and there was fandom drama at that time. Later that year I wrote for a few other fandoms briefly and started writing for bnha in October (actually tmr would be like, my one year of being a real, active writing blog that doesn’t stop posting for several months at a time lmao).

It was kinda shocking that I did end up being in the fandom for a whole year tbh, I don’t think I’ve ever wrote for the same show for more than a month before getting bored the past few years. I also started actually talking to people and having followers etcetc.

If you look at it like this, tbh I have never really “blown up”? If you compare my growth rate just in follower count I gained very slowly but steadily (and a small chunk of ppl who follows me are from way before when I wrote for other fandoms hnnn I’m sorry if you’re reading this btw). Sometimes i think about it ngl, because everyone I know seem to have start later but get more interaction and gained faster. But then it’s like, this is the most successful any of my online endeavours had been? lmao because I’ve had many social media accounts that absolutely flopped in every shape or form. So it feels so silly that I would care about these things that shouldn’t have mattered at all since this is already way better than anything I have ever expected to come out of that one random idea I had in my head.

I’ll have to be very honest and say this whole string of thought have a lot to do with how I was really beaten up over how little interaction majority of my kinktober fics had been doing which I know, I know 100 or 200 is actually already a lot but it got me thinking about how differently I treat this whole thing I’m doing before or now when I wouldn’t shut up about that 100 notes I got a year ago?

I don’t... really like the way I’m treating this thing more and more “seriously” ngl. I don’t want to think about when to post to get more interaction or what to write that people will like better or why so and so seems to get more notes than me or who and who is also doing xyz. It feels like I’m managing this whole thing at some point and then when I was really running low on motivation to finish the 2 fics I had left, I was genuinely terrified that I had the thought of “what’s the point if this and the rest of the ones I already finished up are gonna flop anyways”. Like, no???? This was not supposed to be about that??? I write because writing makes me happy and it makes me wonder if I had gotten so used to posting like it’s some sort of business model that the same adrenaline and satisfaction of writing can be override?

It really got me thinking about what this is to me right now and what I want it to be, and I think that I like it better when this is just some cool thing I want to try out and see if there might be people who vibe with it. I kinda miss it when I get so hyped every time I join a new fandom after disappearing for months thinking I would get dust but still have people who did not know me at all just read my things lmao I think I used to regard everything much more simpler? And it seemed like everyone was also doing it because it’s fun too and how to know more people how to get notes what to do so people would actually see your stuff wasn’t much of a concern.

Idk, idk why I’m saying all of this but I just really want to get it out there somehow? I don’t even know if any of the above makes sense or sound coherent tbh. I think being able to say it can be like, my first step of going back to my old mentality and really just do this because it makes me feel good instead of worrying about my blog dying because I don’t post several times every week lmao

#delete later #cadence rambles #I should be sleeping but I’m deep in thoughts lolol I’ll go to bed the moment I hit post

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warmbeebosoftbeebo · 4 years

Note

/PAVLOVEWHORE/status/1315759891668242433?s=20 on twitter

oh her (she also thinks b is grooming kids because his music is appealing to them, the puppet, etc, and thinks grooming means... culture appealing to kids and younger adults? when it means a significantly/much older person building a relationship with a kid, introducing them inappropriately to sex eg porn, pornographic phallocentric sexuality, in order to sexually abuse/exploit them. so she may be suggesting that b’s doing it so he can have more kids to abuse a la the anon accusations). if you (general you, not the anon specifically) read ronan farrow’s catch and kill you know rich men protect themselves by doing crazy shit (spying, ndas, trashing accusers, blackballing women who rejected them or spoke out about sexual assault, catching and killing accusations) and this new accusation is in that same boat of crazy shit... but a non-plausible crazy shit.

why would someone rich (unless this was happening vices era and before, when b and sarah were far from rich) bribe FANS to have accounts online smack talking breezy, dallon, accusers, etc. if so, they’re doing a terrible job, because there is so much shit being said about b, and now sarah, it’s unreal. (with zack, there are both substantiated and unsubstantiated, anonymous claims. i find some of the later claims plausible. he’s being taken far less out of context than b is. i don’t think he’s absolutely evil, but he’s clearly sexually harassed breezy, has been sexist/misogynist on his twitter, etc. i’ve talked about this more my tag for him.) i’ve come across comments on twitter, instagram, etc where two to none of the claims made about him are true the rest are... idk where most of this bullshit comes from. i’m tempted to do a debunker side blog here (eg the plausible, implausible, true, definitely false, etc). the rumor mill is really something. especially in the age of social media online.

i don’t think sarah and zack would do this. as we have seen over this summer fangirls (and boys) turn on their idols like WHOA. gives one whiplash just looking at it. it would be profoundly STUPID and shortsighted to use fans, because today’s fan is often tomorrow’s basher. fans also have no... loyalty in a sense to their celeb (eg it’s not like a religion, political belief system, country even), no job on the line, no contract, no lawsuit worries... all it would take for this to come out if it were true is someone within that circle of fans getting bribes to smack talk breezy to turn on sarah and/or zack and blab to others, show screenshots, etc. it could NEVER be private very long. even not turning per se, but just realizing it was wrong and sharing the convos, etc they had with them publicly. fans also LOVE talking about and showing the contact we have with our chosen celebs and celeb adjacent people, posting about it publicly. seriously, it is so foolish to try to have private GROUP convos where people bribe TEENAGERS and 20somethings with merch, tickets, photo ops, private photos of b, etc both on the levels of the youth and frequent fickleness of fans (how many leave an artist/show/fandom/franchise/etc after months, a year, a few years...), plus the outrage culture/cancel culture going on where some of the outraged are former fans, etc.

even employees who agree to spy, hack, create fake personas online and in person, etc can turn on their employer, but someone who’s just there as a fan? there is literally not just no guarantee it won’t be found out, it probably fucking will. and quickly at that. the question is more when than if.

this situation, if it did happen, is also plausibly someone pretending to be sarah and/or zack and catfishing fans. chelsey was mentioned, and frankly... this is in her wheelhouse. she has extensively impersonated b and others online, for a few years. she has also hacked accounts and gotten photos/video of b that were supposed to be not public. and another important question, did these freebies eg ticket upgrades, photo ops with b, materialize? or did they not happen? the fact that some girls can be seen on the tour vids doesn’t prove they got them as a quid pro quo in exchange for slandering others and defending b online at all. (btw, the fact that there are chelsey defenders absolutely ASTONISHES me. wtf. there’s a lot we don’t know with breezy, b, etc so i can see to some extent people based on part of the picture, siding with “one side” and deriding the other, but with her? how? what?)

i know this is a crazy fucking idea on twitter for sure, and probably elsewhere online, but one (like me) can like both breezy & dallon AND brendon & sarah. fucking deranged, isn’t it, in this polarized fandom/these fandoms. b is getting the worst of it, but breezy is getting a lot of shit too. and i feel sorry for both of them in particular. again, the rumor mill: assertions of fact without evidence, even people coming forward with their names/faces, being spread around like wildfire and taken as confirmed, undoubtedly true fact eg the claim that breezy said that b knew about all the sexual harassments by zack of her the whole time (eg how could he have? eg how would he know what zack texts her? he obviously would have known some of it but those likely seemed in line with the joking around they did, would be my guess. i also think his anxiety and trying to fit in can come into play. he may have been a bystander to things zack did that crossed lines eg with breezy, idk. speaking of speculation, here’s me doing it. i also don’t think b did nothing wrong, and i’ve also talked about various things when i’ve come across them that i’ve had a problem with.

there’s also aspects going on that i want to delve into, but i’m debating eg that one young male fan who’s apparently friendly with breezy and dallon now but used to be obsessed with b (including making sexual comments to him on twitter, wanting to look like him) and is claiming zack took advantage of him (jobwise). seems to be a history of mental instability there and a serious lack of boundaries. it’s not about monstering him; i feel bad for him.

edit to add i’m still reading things on twitter, what i can find anyway, and another thing i’m ambiguous about discussing is breezy’s dms with others because ppl are posting screenshots. obv there’s more to read there too. in one she thought zack was doing the getting fans to target her and dallon thing in exchange for perks eg meet n greets. the closest she’s gotten to saying anything bad about b was saying he wasn’t always sweet (didn’t say if it was to her and/or dallon) and that she thinks he could have changed, that i’ve seen posted anyway.

also, there’s posts ppl are screenshotting of breezy from years ago to say how gross or disgusting or whatever she is and i’m just like “she’s so saucy, i love her.” it’s mostly pg level stuff too, and mostly about dallon, or brallon. like i said before, notice how what damns breezy (being sexual) excuses zack to many people. at most he’s an “old school roadie” who might have an apology to make, they dunno, but not really, people are so sensitive and breezy is a bitch who is to blame for everything. (seriously, there’s people who think she started it all eg the firezackhall tag, and somehow the accusations against b too. fuck outta here.)

#abuse allegations #speakupbrendonurie #zack hall #brendon urie #sarah orzechowski #sarah urie #chelsey #breezy

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

#me and ''Disappointed and a lil bored'' out here #round of applause from me to me....like the time i stumbled across the Source Media for some preview i remembered from a blockbuster vhs #like 20 yrs ago or whatever like ''am i making this sort of Distinctive memory up or modifying one to hell and back / combining them'' like #no i was not but it sure took me a While to mostly coincidentally find it via watching a list on youtube of like. partially Lost or just rly #obscure niche shit....it'd been a preview for a pc game for an ye olde disney series i'd never heard of in my life #anyways the point is it'd been something *i'd* been searching around for intermittently for a good while and managed to find and it was like #hooray but also i realize it's hardly relevant to like. much of anyone else but oh well good for me

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perpetualmood · 5 years

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not an anti your anti-anti post got popular so i wanted to know why u ship bkdk? i'm genuinely curious bc i;ve only seen ppl say it's abusive and i'm new to mha

first of all anon thank you for approaching me respectfully about this. there are a lot of people i know who aren’t as lucky but really, thank you for possessing the basic human decency that so many others on this fucking hellsite can’t muster.

now, first of all let me say that i’m not a “““hardcore shipper””” or anything of the sort. i just think that bakudeku/katsudeku has a pretty good dynamic with lots of potential, along with a lot of other plausible ships in the series. i don’t get into a series for its ships, and even when i ship something i won’t let it take over my experience of fandom, which is why i’m def posting less bnha and ship discourse. this’ll probably be my last post about it, ever.

now, about bakudeku.

on bkdk being abusive:

it is not.

i first want to clarify that while bakugou bullied midoriya in the past, that doesn’t fucking make it abuse. i know abusers, and i know bullies. bakugou was shitty, and i’m not excusing his actions or saying they were okay because they were fucking not. most antis get all their fuel with the line “take a swan dive from the roof” that bakugou says to midoriya in the first chapter.

did he actually mean it? did bakugou, a boy who was told all his life he would be a hero, who wanted to be a hero, say it with the intent of midoriya actually killing himself? no, he didn’t. it would go against everything a hero stood for, and being a hero was bakugou’s only aspiration in his life. unless anyone is iterating that he’s stupid (which canon proves otherwise almost constantly) he knew that when he said it, midoriya wouldn’t do it.

(and while it is important to note that horikoshi has explicitly said that he went too far with that line, as it is not how bakugou should be seen and/or characterised, i’m still treating it as canon because it is, antis don’t @ me.)

and, as midoriya makes very clear later, he has absolutely no intention of taking bakugou’s words seriously. instead, he brushes it off as ‘kacchan being a proud idiot who doesn’t think before he speaks’. however, while he did not take those words seriously, that doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt even a little. his expression when bakugou says it is hurt, but more than that, shocked. obviously, anyone with a brain can infer that it is not something midoriya is accustomed to hearing things like that from bakugou. if it had been a regular occurrence, his reaction would have been a lot more subdued as he would have heard it before and therefore expected it.

even if you look at the scene later on, bakugou does not go out of his way to target or even interact with midoriya up until their teacher brings up the fact that midoriya wants to go to ua. bakugou does not see midoriya as “his old friend” or “the kid who he grew up with”. what he sees is “a quirkless kid who can’t do anything is trying to get in his alley, the one that everyone told him was handcrafted for him”. is he right? absolutely fucking not. does he realise this? again, no. this all leads to bakugou having a major gifted kid + inferiority complex, but i digress.

(i feel like it’s necessary to say once again that i am not condoning bakugou’s behaviour just because he didn’t really intend for midoriya to commit suicide or midoriya didn’t take it seriously, or saying that it’s okay if nothing happened.)

anyway, back on topic. later during the final exams arc, midoriya also states explicitly that he and bakugou have not talked properly to one another since they were kids. this makes it clear that bakugou did not, in fact, ceaselessly torment midoriya throughout their elementary school/junior high years. they just didn’t interact, plain and simple. the experience shown on the playground when they were four and the one after school on this day were likely two of very few, perhaps ten at most, incidents in which bakugou and midoriya’s difference in power and therefore status was made clear to show what it means to be quirkless in this society.

(i’d like to talk about how fucking messed up this society is, but that’s a whole other can of worms.)

bakugou has been a bully to midoriya. has he been abusive? absolutely fucking not. do i think their relationship is repairable? yes. i’ve been bullied before. i know what it’s like when you can reconcile with your bully and when you can’t. this is very clearly something that can be salvaged.

on their canon relationship:

do i think of bakudeku as a “he pulled your pigtails because he likes you” situation? am i infatuated with the ever-popular childhood friend trope? not a chance, and dismissing any shipper’s evaluation of their relationship to that is fucking low.

let’s start with their relationship at the beginning. bakugou harbours obvious animosity towards midoriya, and the only reason appears to be that it was because he was quirkless. (again, fuck quirk society) bakugou had always been told he was superior, and midoriya had always been told that he was nothing without a quirk. when you’re a young and impressionable child, having these things said to you a lot will make you believe it. in a sense, it’s akin to brainwashing. bakugou was made to believe that midoriya was worthless in comparison to him, a natural-born hero, and midoriya was made to believe that bakugou was amazing and undefeatable.

there were a lot of ways it could have turned out, honestly. midoriya could have become someone bakugou saw as someone needing protecting, and as cliched as their relationship would have been were that the case, it would have been the only ““functional”” one they could have had. hence the dysfunction, because midoriya is not someone who can sit back and take hits. he wants to be a hero, which is half the reason he admired bakugou in the first place.

so in the beginning of canon when midoriya’s desire to go to ua to be a hero is made known, bakugou, as i said before, feels as though his space has been invaded. he’s marked his territory, and all of a sudden this quirkless nobody i used to know wants to take it from me. of course, his way of thinking is wrong, but he’s never been corrected properly (sorry mitsuki, i love you but you’re not good at parenting, and masaru, please do something about your emotionally constipated son).

bakugou’s reaction to midoriya saying he “just wants to try” makes it look like it was just a trivial matter for midoriya, as opposed to bakugou, who has been working towards wanting to become a hero since he was small (as opposed to midoriya who wanted to as well, yes, but never did anything being analysing the heroes for fun). he feels as though midoriya is going through it with a ‘meh’ attitude, which deeply offended by the sentiment and takes it personally.

so bakugou obviously hates it. he hates feeling like someone that was, in his words, “a pebble in [his] path” could possibly even fathom overtaking him, when they were compared all the time.

additionally, midoriya has been a part of bakugou’s ego fodder. he followed him around, praised him like the rest, yes, but it’s very important to note that even though midoriya showered bakugou with praise he still talked to him as though he would someday be on that same level, even as a kid.

they were kids. they were dumb. but you know what? they grew.

bakugou especially has gone through so much development, even comparing him to the piece of shit he was in chapter 1 is a huge insult to bakugou, to horikoshi, and to midoriya, who has played an enormous part in it, especially after the sludge villain when it is very explicitly stated that bakugou didn’t even interact with midoriya until

in the beginning of their first year at ua, bakugou learned for the first time what it meant to have people who were equal to him, that he wasn’t as exceptional as he thought. midoriya, too learned what it meant to stand as equals, but instead of falling from a platform above, he was thrown up from the ground. and during the battle trial, bakugou tasted bitter defeat for the first time, and it shook him to the point where he had a panic attack in class (which i’m disappointed all might didn’t notice, but i digress) upon seeing midoriya get k.o.-ed but still win while he was left unscathed physically, and lost to deku of all people.

do i think their dynamic from the beginning of the year would have worked as a ship? no, abso-fucking-lutely not. bakugou feels nothing but betrayal (as in, he would obviously believe midoriya was hiding his quirk from him and lying to him their whole lives) and hatred for midoriya up until the battle trial, after which he doesn’t respect or even accept midoriya, but he acknowledges him because he beat him and then admitted half the secret to his quirk.

their relationship is an absolute shitshow for a long time and it shows, but the battle trial was a huge part in the beginning of their relationship developing. and of course, it has to – midoriya is the protagonist and bakugou is the deuteragonist, after all.

but the real turning point where bakugou comes to grudgingly accept midoriya is during their final exams before the training camp, where they went up against all might. being forced to work together and for bakugou to have to listen to midoriya really showed us depth in him we hadn’t seen before. sadly, all might was absolutely no help in their teamwork (despite that being the entire reason aizawa had paired bakugou and midoriya together) and instead made them try to focus on defeating him rather than working together, but somehow, that got the two of them to cooperate in battle.

(personally, i believe that they would have been better matched against a more strategic teacher like aizawa or nedzu as they would be forced to come up with a strategy together, and all might provided an unrealistic situation for them overall and the entire fight makes absolutely little to no use of their intelligence, something that is canonically a prevalent strength for both of them.)

but honestly, after kacchan vs deku 2, where they finally become ““proper rivals”” according to all might, where they both finally, finally talk out their issues and try to patch their shit up. @dekatsu explains it really well here and i’ve rambled for long enough about it.

now, after that fight, they’re both at a point where instead of being at each other’s throats, they’re pushing each other forward, and that’s why i like them together so much, whether platonic or romantic. which brings me to...

what i like about bkdk

aka, the thing you asked me in the first place.

do i approve of their relationship before kacchan vs deku 2? no. but after the fight, it blossoms into something absolutely brilliant. while they’re on their house arrest in the days after their fight, midoriya asks bakugou about his shoot style, and bakugou tells him exactly what he thinks and how it can be improved. and he admits, however backwardly, that he approved of it.

from literally that moment on, their communication and relationship develops so so much (not getting into the later arcs because manga spoilers) and bakugou becomes a huge part of the “one for all” secret, and every. single. time he sees midoriya use it, he encourages him in his competitive way and he does want to make sure he sees deku become a great hero, dammit.

relationships where both parties push each other to do better always seem to be the ones that work best. bakugou is constantly striving now not just to better himself, but he’s making sure that midoriya is getting better too. the more the story progresses, the closer they grow.

we’re at a point where bakugou sits in on midoriya’s meetings with all might about one for all and its technicalities and history, and is willing to train separately with midoriya because of it. they don’t have any problems with each other now -- even all might has properly acknowledged bakugou and midoriya as great friends.

it’s indisputable.

and whether you ship it or not, now if you deny that they have a bond that’s strong as fuck, you’re only making yourself look silly.

platonic or romantic, these two have chemistry and they complement each other so well that it almost hurts. i can’t wait to see them grow into a hero duo.

. . .

anyway, that’s the end of my 2k+ word long meta (which i honestly wouldn’t have been able to complete without the help of a tumblr friend who would like to stay anonymous) and i hope it answers your question and hopefully, it showed you a side of things that not only the antis are seeing. thanx, this is been my last ship discourse post.

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bonecastleprince · 5 years

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hey everyone i just wanted to say that i’m schizophrenic!!!!! yeah wow felt bold might delete later. was gonna wait until mental health awareness month or day or whatever but i’m just feeling coming out of the schizophrenic closet if u feel me and telling ppl right now. everything got really weird after the onset of my schizophrenia. i had my first psychotic episode/ my schizophrenia onset when i was 19. I WOULD NEVER HARM A SOUL INCLUDING MYSELF during these episodes and the ones i have. at first i honestly believed some of the delusions were real. it was honestly horrifying at some times and just insanity. i n s a n i t y . like tbh if i were to describe it it would probably make some of you uncomfortable or look at me in a different way. but i have anxiety too and a type of thought you can have is mind reading where you think you know what people are thinking/ would think when you don’t but i think i know that it would. i was put in a straight jacket and a small padded room. i thought SOOO many crazy things were SO real that SO aren’t true at all. i could describe them but i’ll just leave it at that. i saw things that were not there. i’ve been through the works. but it was at a level that was AWFUL while it happened but now that it’s over wasn’t so bad compared to how bad it could’ve been. EDIT: it actually was awful. it was the worst. it was really really really bad. but it IS over. and now that the onset/ 1st psychotic episode has happened i would say... it was a wild ride and it’s gotten so so SO much better with medication (like seriously so much better) but i still go into states. when i’m around another person, (most of the time) the hallucinations and all delusional thoughts go away. i’m just really focused on the conversation and external stimuli. when i’m alone, i’m still ok. to be honest, i talk to Lord Jesus Christ instead of talking to myself now about anything i’m worried about and anything else. my hallucinations are words. i see words. like as if someone is showing me them. sometimes worse. way worse before meds. but yeah, it’s not awful. i just wish i could feel alone with myself again. but it’s just what it is. i’ve learned how to handle what i see. i don’t have voices really. or really hallucinations. i see words. idk. schizophrenics are partly unattached from reality. i am and i understand where the psychiatrists are coming from when they say that. the delusions, they’re weird for me at this point. like, i’ll have a strange thought about something not in this physical reality and it’s a delusion so i believe it’s true when it comes in and then i check it and i’m like wait... that’s not true. but at the same time i’m like it could be because it’s not about this physical reality. i can’t prove or disprove it. (so i might as well ignore it!! says my wise mind) i’m starting to realize that i should ignore it it least. i never really do anything because of the intrusive delusional thoughts. i don’t take them too seriously. i mean i ask LJC if he can help me if it’s a worrisome thought or delusion. i pray sometimes. but back to being unattached from reality i do understand. for me it’s delusions and the words that make me partly unattached from this physical reality. it’s hard to focus. i’ve been trying to get the right meds to help me focus for a while. but yeah. was gonna post this on fb but i think i’ll just leave it on tumblr. the ppl that check my tumblr can read it. meds help. idk, i’ve grown a lot since i was 19 but there’s still a long way to go. i deal with it. i really do. it’s very hard just to be like people without schizophrenia in some ways and i’m not like an average person in some ways. i still have symptoms even though i take meds but they are way down from back then. and i have grown so much. and i am so blessed in so many ways. and i’m a bada** warrior for how far i’ve come. and if u r struggling with schizophrenia, know you’re not alone. i’m here if you ever need some advice or anything. and it does get better. so so so much better. and you’re a bada** warrior too. peace. peace ✌️

#mytxts #schizophrenia #seriously schizophrenic #schizophrenics on tumblr

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evohealed · 5 years

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◀ REX’S CARING COMPLEX ▶

Watching through Generator Rex with @evodeal last night and I’ve noticed that Rex seems to have a sort of complex with Caring but never caring about himself, and I have a LOT of thoughts on it... so thank you @heartcheeks & @briilliance for enabling me to post this. I’ll refine it more later bc it’s adhd rambles right now, so it’s a bit messy, buuut... basically his complex with caring is like this;

Rex knows that nobody cares at providence for him. Of course, minus six, holiday, and bobo. rex also knows that nobody in providence ever likes him or cares about him without a motive. in fact, people have been doing that ever since he became the nanite king tbh. and from what he's learned about his past, i think it like. fucks him up in some ways with trusting people. because sure, he really craves people caring about him -- he craves having family, he just wants friends and he'd do anything for their approval and trying to befriend them ( thanks party episode for proving my hc b4 i even knew about u) but when it boils down to it, rex has to trick himself into believing that others care. even if he knows it's not true and the only reason he's even still alive is because white knight sd he was the cure, people are alwasy still trying to murder him for just existing all the time. ESPECIALLY white knight.

He's in huge DENIAL that Providence doesn’t care, and that most people hate him for just being an EVO -- something he can’t really help -- to the point of attempting murder on him. Constantly. which is why i think he's so.. forgiving with wk. but wk has traumatized rex a LOT. they made his life so as little people cared about him as possible on PURPOSE, so he's really, really bad with making friends. because providence over controls EVERY aspect of his life, and are super shitty to him. and i've ranted off about how they treat him like a weapon and make him think it's ok to hurt himself the way he does, but that's for another time.. which is also why i do think that, despite being friends, until rex and noah talk about it there's always going something telling him in the back of his head that noah doesn't really care.

As much as he WANTS to believe others care about him, it's absolutely INCREDIBLY HARD for him to comprehend sb wanting to know him or care for him without an ulterior motive.for pete's sake, even if holiday and six and bobo care for him, they still had a motive to care originally. they probably wouldn't have even cared for him if he didn't have the healing ability they could exploit. he's still a teen, he still wants people to care, but he can never really tell when someone DOES care. i think that the deeprooted belief that nobody is caring about him without a selfish reason also plays a big role into brushing off worry and throwing himself into VERY reckless and life threatening situations and seeing how his friendship with noah started out... well he tries to bury that feeling, but it's never going to go away UNLESS he talks. i think he probably feels really guilty about it but it's kinda hard to just get over someone only knowing you because they wanted to use you, be it for their own purpose or working for sb else. he does genuinely care about noah and loves being his friend, but it's going to be.. very very hard to get through how much you actually care about him, simply because of how he's been treated to think and what he's had to go through.

so yes, guilt eats away at rex over it but he tries to bottle aaalllllllll this up and never let it bubble to the surface ever, right along with the rest of his emotions. gotta never show weaknesses! :^) what hurts my heart is how hard he tries to make friends, but everyone thinks he's just a freak. dear god i wanted to cry when they kept calling him that,but what's worse is realizing that a majority of the world and people out there think of him like this too I Wanted To Cry For My Baby Boy while watching that ep and sure maybe i'm being dramatic but .. he was TRYING SO HARD!!! he was so genuinely excited to try and make friends even if they're a bunch of jerks and didn't care for them and all he got was treated the same as providence soldiers treated him

nobody gave a fuck about him unless they were using him to get their way and to manipulate him, and he's so desperate for people to care about him that he caves and lets them do what they want or he straight up just. gets manipulated he's pretty easy to manipulate despite being a master of manipulation himself but it's not like he had a choice in being manipulative when he had THAT talent ingrained in him by quarry. he's just ... so lonely man, it makes me big sad and he's always in denial that people don't like him, and sure he said "well i know i'm awesome!" but did he even really mean it? yes, he's cocky, but that quote came from the very episode where he had to deal with an entire town's worth of people trying to kill him and he said that to the dude who kept reiterating how useless he was and that he was just providence's stupid tool does he really know that or is he telling himself that to try and keep himself from drowning in the fact that he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing half the time, distracting him from the fact that nobody cares about him and everyone thinks he's some freak that providence just uses like a trophy dude whatever???

because he sure was hellbent on trying to prove he did mean something and that he was worth liking and caring about in that episode and it left him getting PRETTY fucked up because it threw him so off his game and when nobody ended up caring he just went "haha i know im cool!" but im just ... if you knew you were cool and you're okay with people not caring about you... why care and why bother to try and sway public opinion? or more like. one dude's opinion mostly.why go through all this trouble? if you DON'T have that complex, then why get so bent out of shape when you're forced to face the facts that sb you DON'T EVEN KNOW doesn't care about you?? the ep where the dude was doing propaganda against him -- whether it was willful or not, he was absolutely ignorant to the fact that everyone hated him ( though something tells me it might be willfully ignoring that ) til everyone kept telling him to scram which is when he started getting SERIOUSLY super upset. boy's tricking himself into thinking other ppl care even if they explicitly don’t.

It might ALSO play into how he can never pick up when people genuinely like him or care about him in canon. I.E. The complex explaining shit like... the double date episodes -- the haunted house one in particular. It was PAINFULLY clear the girls preferred Rex over Noah in everything they did, which upset Noah -- and yet, Rex never noticed for a single second. Even when Noah called him out on it, he didn’t fully realize it til Noah explained the situation to him and he deadass just goes. "NNO WAY THEY DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE ME THAT MUCH DO THEY???" lookin like the YOU WHAT meme ( from spongebob ). N NOAH HAD TO BE LIKE "UH DUDE ARE YOU BLIND ????" Someone? Caring about / Liking Rex?????? It's more likely than you think

Like, yeah.. sure he can be a total sleazy flirt at times, and he can be pretty manipulative if the situation calls for it, but there's also the matter of how Rex responds to any genuine care or interest in him. He tries to come off as this big macho cool hero, but he’s really just a dork maladjusted to any kind of affection or genuine care. It’s why he can barely function or why he’s always surprised if you hug him back, why he’s so hands on -- he is also touch starved so he’s always super hands on, but that’s another rant for another day. It’s why he can barely function if you give him a kiss or any kind of affection -- like for example, almost every single kiss ( few as they may be ) that he gets or instances of ppl saying they care about him, he makes THIS face and kind of just stares into the distance.

tl;dr?

rex: haha please care about me rex: rex, internally: but you can never really care about me without a motive. don't pretend like you don't have one.

#◀ Well my heart is gold and my hands are cold ▶ ( character study )#IT'S YOUR FOOD LADS...#do not rb

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