#neurotypicals have to be the real retards

[straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept]

Again, with the ableism, @rootfauna.

Who called you a trump supporter, you dumb bitch?

"Read that again for yourself." At this point, I'm convinced neurotypicals are the retards here, not autistic people.

I did, and I still don't understand how you think telling someone they are acting like an anti-science trump supporter is calling them a trump supporter.

There were many people who acted like anti-vaxxers during the Amber Heard Trial, with the amount of misinformation they spread. They were ALSO acting like trump supporters, despite the fact that most of them were liberal women who probably voted blue last election.

Pointing out the SIMILARITIES doesn't mean saying you are EXACTLY THAT, you fucking idiot, holy shit.

Why am I not surprised that after I called you out for your ableism, you continued to be more ableist?

Typical FART.

#neurotypicals have to be the real retards #there is no way this just happened #you literally spell it out for someone and they still miss the point #the ableism #receipts #terfs #radfems #fart chronicles #ableism #caught in 4k

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hi Could you explain the joke behind Matty's tweet I want to get it haha

For reference, here it is.

On the surface level, the joke is making a contrast between “Boygenius” and “girlretard” like ‘oh they’re a group of women musicians who called themselves ‘Boygenius ok so what’s the opposite of that? The opposite of boy and the opposite of genius.” Hence the girlretard name that he and George are going to call themselves.

But that’s not the real joke. That’s the joke that most people are mad at him for. Cuz he used “retard” casually. Lots of people consider it a slur because it was/ is often a term used to degrade and derogatorily describe neurodivergent people for not having brains that are neurologically functioning the way that neurotypicals do. For instance, *I* was called that by teachers because I have pretty bad ADHD (fun fact, I failed high school. Twice.) which made it difficult for me to focus in class or do the in-class exercises on time like the rest of my classmates. Of course the stigma comes a long with pretty horrific consequences like the history of mistreatment of people who are deemed “retarded.” De-humanizing them, isolating them, subjecting them to cruel medical experiments, etc. (just to clarify “neurodivergent” isn’t just ADHD applied to folks, but that’s a more common example. Autistic folks and most “brain disorders” that stem from ones neurons being wired differently, therefore causing one to function differently in ways that are deemed aberrant by social normatively, are included under the “neurodivergent” category).

This is why the term “retarded” is considered socially unacceptable now. It has violent and discriminatory connotations often enacted by so-called “normal” folks upon people who don’t fit the mold.

So, when people saw the term in Matty’s ostensible joke, they got angry. Because, in those peoples eyes, he’s using the term casually and carelessly by using it as an antonym for “genius” in the same way that “girl” is the antonym for “boy.” (It’s actually not cuz that’s not how gender works and yet we seem to be totally chill about it as a society but that’s a different convo)

But Matty isn’t using it using it in the same way that he’s using “girl.” 1. Because the joke itself is aware of it being offensive (that’s why Lucy stopped talking to him in the joke). But for many, many, many, other reasons. Off the top of my head here are a few:

1. Boygenius have talked about how the name of their group is based on how previous supergroups like theirs, often the ones consisting of male musicians, get glorified and celebrated for their individualistic style and their specialness which is regarded as genius, whereas women artists never get that treatment. So, their name is intended to signal the intention behind forming the group. Which is to make space for themselves as women, and as queer women especially, and to occupy that role and to find confidence in saying that women artists, queer artists, deserve to be seen as valid, extraordinary, celebrated for writing and singing about their experiences as legit experiences just the same way that men feel so boldly comfortable doing. (That’s why their album is called ‘the record’ and same with their film, and why they dress that way etc etc) SO by making the joke that he does Matty is making fun of presumptuous entitled men.

2. He’s also making the joke that men’s “specialness” equals genius now because patriarchy regards the straight white male as the average norm. Whereas “retarded” shows that we privilege only certain types of specialness. Like if these “geniuses” where taking too long to do their in class math exercise their reachers would’ve called their moms like “your kid is retarded.” But they just happened to be really good at music.

3. The joke is designed to stir shit up because it’s self-aware, posted online, written causally, with the intention of upsetting people. But you’ll only be upset if you don’t get it. And you can only not get the joke if you focus on the word “retard” and not on the context, meaning, intention, who’s saying it (Matty; a person with ADHD, past addiction, anxiety etc), why it’s being said, and so on and so forth. Meaning, if you read it and don’t get it, you’re literally being made fun of by the joke itself. Like you’re proving it right. Proving that the problem with woke culture and online outrage is that we have become sooo hung up on labels (hence his use or a label in the joke, btw) and individual words and shit that we have turned into extreme literalists. We take every word individual and cannibalize and brutalize meaning. That’s not how language works ffs.

4. He is using a dispute over labels to highlight the hollowness of labels.

5. He’s commenting on peoples mistaken perception of him as an evil troll by getting people to react to him as if he’s an evil troll.

Also this is setting up whatever the duck SATVB plans to do. So, yeah.

Anyway hope this helps.

[fandumbug]

Ok so I’m about to Rant™️

I’m autistic and this makes me deeply uncomfortable.

It comes across as fetishizing and dismissive and ableist.

Autism is a LOT more than just ‘Aw, they talk about (very specific thing) for a long time sometimes’, and fidget toys and anime. It isn’t cute. It isn’t quirky. And I personally find the reduction of the disorder to be dehumanizing and degrading.

Autism is also having meltdowns, taste/texture/sound dysphoria, going non-verbal, being treated as sub-human by most neurotypicals, and feeling like the way (i) exist is Wrong.

I didn’t get my diagnosis until I was 22/23. And when I did, everything clicked into place. Why I felt so different despite trying my absolute best to ‘be normal’. Why I was talked down to and treated as stupid by adults, why other kids called me retarded, why more than one teacher has gone full-blown red-in-the-face screaming at me while I have no idea what I’ve done wrong. One teacher literally took everything off of my desk and bodily threw it across the room into the trash before I was forced to sit in the hallway for the rest of the day, for over an hour. This was in 2000, so not that long ago. And I’m ‘on the high functioning end of the spectrum’.

^that shit traumatized me. I doubt and second guess myself all the time because of it. Heaven forbid I finally trust a person or group enough to tell them that I’m autistic, then I get the ‘but you’re so NORMAL!’ reaction. Thanks, it’s because of a literal lifetime of having to pretend to be something I’m not just to be treated like everyone else except I still screw it up sometimes. The imposter syndrome is very real and it screws with me constantly.

Autistics are more likely to be abused and murdered by their caregivers and partners than neurotypicals. There is a national hate group (Autism Speaks) that seeks to eradicate us. There is a massive worldwide movement of people who won’t vaccinate their children, because they’d rather have a dead child than a child like me.

Ok so obviously this bothers me beyond ‘really uncomfortable’. It pisses me off. This is like an even worse version of ‘big titty goth gf’ all over again. You want an autistic partner because it’s cute when they info dump? What about when they physically cannot stop themselves from making an annoying sound or having a panic attack/meltdown over something ‘trivial’? What about when it embarrasses you? It won’t be cute then. Fuck off.

I don’t care that it’s just a meme or joke, there are people out there who actually behave this way and it’s disgusting. I was going to put this under a read more but no, if I have to see this shit in all of my feeds, you can deal with one angry post on one website.

#not even going to tag this as ‘shut up tori’ because this is actually important to me

[ablobwhowrites]

Why do people only simp or feel romantically attracted to neurodivergent men and women when they commit disgusting acts of violence and I’m not just referring to characters who are canonically neurodivergent or who are coded as such, I’m also talking real people as well such as some famous murderers, like it just disturbs me that people are always belittling, babying and viewing neurodivergent people as nonhuman almost like pets In away just for contributing to society and living there best life but then when when a some neurological disabled man commits 19 acts of gruesome murder he’s a sexy daddy not a “retarded awkward virgin” anymore, what a disgusting world we live in, what do you think the reasoning is for that terrible mindset a lot of neurotypical have?

well...I don't really have words that would explain I think but people who simp or feel romantically are disgusting, because I do not support irl yandere cause I write fictional yandere not real ones or irl murders but it's a job to not let people take impressions that real yandere behavior is okay, it's not and if you try to make a argument that it's natural or something like that I disagree and are disgusted of people who think a irl yandere is cute, quirky or anything else. The stuff I and other yandere people write is purely for reading material nothing else, sorry for going on a rant

[firecrackerhh]

The lack of media comprehension idiots in this fandom have honestly makes me wish I could put parental blocks on some peoples phones like holy shit if you’re going to miss the point that bad you don’t fucking deserve to watch hazbin or helluva boss straight up.

Being retarded about either show at this point is at least worthy of a good fucking smack upside the head. Tho I suppose those sorts of people don’t need any more brain damage than they already have, why else would they miss the point so fucking much?

I’m done even having the pretense of politeness about this shit. If you miss the point of why Stella putting a hit on Stolas is bad in the story, or you’re literally so fucking autistic that you misinterpret basic fucking dialogue to where you think Fizz and Ozzie are fucking trafficking children, you’re just fucking retarded. I can’t help you.

Jesus Christ I’m a fucking neurotypical compared to some of you fucking Special Ed rejects good Lord.

Stella will never be looked at as the good guy no matter what these (usually homophobic) dumbfucks think and they need to get over it. Stolas is never going to be the villain. Get over it.

Make your own shit instead of whining about it like a fucking baby.

The new VA’s are here to stay whether you like it or not. The pilot VA’s are doing just fine, they don’t need to be protected.

The angels being assholes is the fucking point, it shows that just cuz you believe in God, that doesn’t make you a good person. It’s nothing new for sure, but it’s nonetheless an important point, given how blatantly fucking awful fundamentalists are in real life.

Viv just wiped away a lot of the pretense those sorts of people have to justify their fucking awful behavior. I think it’s refreshing.

Frankly I think if the rapture ever comes, those kinds of assholes will be the first to be denied to go to heaven lmao. I don’t think God has a high opinion of those who act shitty in His name.

I really wish some people in this fandom weren’t so obviously fucking stupid about it that’s all. Like goddamn I know a lot of the shit these idiots spew don’t come from actual fans of the source material but Jesus Christ if you are gonna have criticisms at least make sure those critiques are any good, have critiques that don’t make you sound like a fucking evangelical Christian or worse.

Satan save me from these fucking people. Though with how blatantly retarded some of these people are, I barely count them as such. They’re more like amoeba to me.

You can’t expect me to have a high opinion of those who I know for a fact wouldn’t respect me. I don’t do that turn the other cheek bullshit, I’m not Catholic.

🔥🧨~Firecracker out~🔥🧨

#tis i the werebitch #just…shutupshutupshutupshutUP

[magical-girl-coral]

et any more than ten notes, but fuck it, here are the reasons why Entrapta should have been kidnapped instead of Catra :

Catra's redemption would have felt more well earned - if Catra was trying to find a way to help Glimmer and Entrapta, then her change would seem more legitimate. She already showed signs of guilt through her nightmares of what she did to Entrapta. Instead of falling to her old ways like in Prime's ship, she would most likely go through a complete 180 and almost kill herself while trying to prove her worth. Imagine Catra trying to befriend Emily and Imp so they could find a way to save Entrapta, putting aside her past grievances with them so they could signal Entrapta on Prime's ship. Maybe Imp was the one collecting robot bits, so they could give it to Entrapta once they find her. Maybe Emily showed one of Entrapta's old recordings before she was sent to Beast Island for the sake of filling the empty space she left. The possibilities are endless.

Making the princesses look more justified in their anger - The princesses' ableism was handled terribly. There is no way around this. Neurotypicals obviously wrote episode two, and it shows*. However, once you replace Entrapta with Catra, their anger, hostility, and Scorpia's timidness make way more sense. Mermista's rage especially makes the most sense since Saelinas was the kingdom was fell first thanks to Catra and Hordak. Instead of making all of our favorite characters, ableist assholes, this plotline makes them more human. The power of friendship can only run so far, after all, and every single princess is allowed to have a breaking point in trust. 

It would showcase Entrapta's real priorities - For most of the show, both fans and characters see Entrapta as someone who would never care about anything other than tech. Now, if that were true, then Entrapta would have no problem joining Prime's side. But that's not what would happen. Instead, Entrapta would unleash hell on Prime's ship without Prime even noticing. Sending signals to Etheria and new tech designs, helping Glimmer escape and sending her back to the Best Friends Squad, all while showing zero hesitation. Entrapta loves tech unconditionally until it starts to mess with her friends.

It could show ableism correctly through Prime with how he would treat Entrapta - This is my scenario of how Entrapta ends up on Prime's ship (please tell me if you have anything better): Prime, after looking into Hordak's memories, sees a young and brilliant scientist. Prime decided to show her his ship, trying to seduce Entrapta into improving his tech while convincing her that a 'defective, retarded, emotionless' Etherian like her could never truly be great, so she might as well give up now. He would touch without her consent and shame her for turning his "affection" away. Instead of falling to his manipulations, Entrapta realizes that he is afraid of her. She's biologically different then most Etherians, and Prime doesn't know how to control her. That gives her the final push of courage she needed to have to go behind Prime's back and rescue Glimmer. By making Prime ableist instead of the princesses, the show tells us how ableist is bad and disables people deserve more respect (I know that most of the show's fans are above fifteen, but with how the fandom has been acting, they deserve to be taught like children).

It would give a parallel 'be careful what you wish for' between Entrapta and Catra - At the start of the series, all Entrapta wanted was to see more advanced tech, and all Catra wanted was to see Etheria conquered. They both got exactly what they wanted, and their lives couldn't be worse. 

A chipped Entrapta breaking free from the hive mind because of her autism would be awesome - That's it. That's the pro. I'm incredibly desperate for more good autism rep, and this would be amazing.

Catra and Adora bonding while in space would be excellent for both characters - As much as I love the angst from chipped Catra, it feels more like fanservice now. At the end of the day, it felt like Catra and Adora didn't bond enough to have a solid devolvement in their relationship. This could change if they went to space together with Bow. Instead of spending just half of the last season together, they spend the next eleven episodes bonding in the insanity of their situation. It would also allow more time for Catra to understand Adora's abuse under Shadow Weaver. By forcing those two into a close space in the middle of nowhere, they would have no choice but to confront the other about their issues. And speaking of much-needed bonding time.

Glimmer would get a chance to face Catra about Angella's death - If there is one thing I will never forgive season five for, is forgetting Angella's death.  It was Glimmer's main motivation to take more action against the Horde, it was what almost drove Micah to despair, and it was the final nail in the coffin for Adora, making her stop taking the blame for everything and take Catra's threat to the world more seriously. But then season five happened and they just... forgot about her? She was never mentioned again because if she were mentioned, Catra would look bad, and Glimmer would have a reason to hate her. But if Glimmer were to meet Catra again outside of Prime's ship, with all the trauma she went through there, she would definitely take out on Catra (kind of like how Katara took out her anger on Zuko after he joined the gang).

Hordak would join the Best Friend Squad early after they save Entrapta and would get more devolvement as a result- If you think for one second that Hordak won't abandon Prime after what he did to Entrapta, then you haven't been watching the same show. I don't know how he joins the BFS. Maybe Catra tried to find him to fix her mistakes**, maybe he finds them by accident and remembers some of the past events as a result, or maybe he was one of the clones that witnessed chipped Entrapta and got a wake-up call. Either way, he wouldn't sit back and watch Prime continue to ruin his only friend's life. This would give him more screen time to show his backstory more clearly, give more sympathy for the clones along with a better redemption arc. And finally, the most crucial point.

Catra's growth would be more consensual - Most of Catra's maturity seemed to be out of her control. She helped Glimmer because she felt like no one wants her anymore. She had her hair cut because Prime wanted her to look more tamed. She was buddy-buddy with Glimmer and Bow because the plot says so. Nothing that happened this season seemed to be with Catra's consent, which made me feel extremely uncomfortable. Instead of watching Catra go through glorified torture porn, imagine her changing from her own free will. She cuts her because her hair reminds her of how Shadow Weaver's hair looked wild when she was angry. She changes clothes because she didn't want to wear her crown anymore. She goes to space with Bow and Adora because she wants to do good with her life, and is tired of being the mean old bully she was never meant to be. Doesn't this seem more satisfying?

*here, here, here, here and here are some metas about why Entrapta’s treatment was written terribly. I’m too tired to explain myself, and these posts tell the show’s problems better then I could

** I really like the idea of Catra finding the Luvd crystal and returning it to Hordak as a way apologize for how she has separated them. It would also be a cool parallel to all the times she took the crystal out of Hordak’s suit.

Edit: holy shit, there were so many typos here. Why didn’t any of you guys tell me?

Double edit: soooooo... I may or may have not written a fic...that you can read here...please support me, my brain is begging for more serotonin.

#She Ra and the Princesses of Power #she ra #SPoP #Adora #Catra #Catradora #Hordak #Entrapta #EntrapDak #Scorpia #Mermista #Perfuma #Glimmer #Bow

[icexprincess]

Ketamine therapy

Apparently you can get Ketamine legally to treat ptsd, anxiety, and depression.

The drug is only 60 yrs old. It's only been used to treat depression/ptsd/anxiety for 20 yrs, so there's no real research on the drug.

Which means they don't know how addictive it can be. its addictive in high doses, but the doctors administer K in low dosages, so they don't know the long term effects of the drug.

Lately I've been thinking about when I should quit Prozac. I've been looking for something more. I would love an Adderall prescription. That's also addictive though.

I realize I also have to make lifestyle changes. I was even going to try a bunch of different sports! I even got a new dog - a pitbull Labrador mix to scare off ugly, worthless NPCs. Then covid happened.

I was soooooo close to getting a gf too.

I've been taking cbd so now I'm feeling chatty. Maybe I should try K?

I dont wanna be toooo neurotypical though. I fucking hate NTs 😤 😒 😑 🙃 😐 🙄 😤

I'm still pissed at my teacher for a rude comment she made to me 15 or 16 yrs ago. I was going to fuck her hot boyfriend to get back at her, but do I really want to fuck someone who would fuck her?

I thought she was soooo fucking gross looking. I always got the impression that she was easy and into degrading sexual acts. She legit seemed kinda retarded to me. Shes gross. She's nasty.

If I made out with her I would regret it and hate myself. She's one of those people you deny sleeping with because you're ashamed of yourself for sleeping with her. The thought of people knowing you guys hooked up is humiliating. Like you deny knowing her because you don't want people thinking you lack self respect.

She's trash.

One of the benefits to being a Narcissist is that NPCs are not allowed anywhere near me. Most people are NPCs. It's beneficial during a pandemic. I was quarantining before Covid.

#ketamine therapy

[enetarch-working-w-adhd]

How damaging this is to ADHDrs??

Talent and Energy and Rote Memory are not the same things. Talent is a form of creativity that can take a things like a bicycle handle and seat and turn it into a bulls head. Energy is the amount of effort that was put into thinking up how to represent a cows head with these two items. Or, more recently, the artists representation of "Take the Money And Run!", which was 2 blank canvases. And, Rote Memory is the ability to just do things without thinking them. They are ingrained through constant and deliberate training. A good example of this is Scarlet Johansson when she portrays Black Widow. Not only is she acting, she is performing various martial arts, and can make the performance very real.

This list assumes that these 10 things don't require talent, energy, or rote memory to do. We can all do them without fail, every time, any time. But, that is very misleading, because ADHDrs cannot do these consistently, constantly, consciously, or even intentionally. And, here's why....

The Short Answer

ADHDrs are not trained.

The Long Answer

ADHDrs receive 10,000x more negative comments about their work and effort in a single year than do their peers. Allow me to put that into a context you will understand.

A study that every Psychology 101 student reads about (but should perform) is of a test. This test blindfolds an individual who is then asked to walk a maze. The maze only has 3 turns. But, for each wrong turn the rat makes, they are hit with a stick.

After just 3 mistakes, every participant quits.

Not 90% or 70% .. 100% of all participants quit.

These participants are NeuroTypicals. Not ADHDrs.

Now, let's put these negative messages into a scientific principle that we all know and love ... Science is repeatable ...

In order for someone to learn how to be On Time, Be Happy, Be Positive, Be Counted On, Be Passionate, Be Willing To Try ... They need repeatable successes. ADHDrs only know failures to these categorizes, because they were not trained on how their ADHD screws up their life or trained how to build the systems needed to create repeatable successes.

The First 18 years

When most ADHDrs leave high school, their life it turned over to them with the expectation that they know how to run their own lives. (Q Laugh Track Here!) We don't, and here's why ...

Most ADHDrs are undiagnosed.

You read that right. They are undiagnosed.

Think about what that means.

Being undiagnosed means that no one has or is willing to recognize that you need additional support systems to do basic things. Or, worse, they do recognize that you need help, but are unwilling to provide it due to the stigma that ADHD has.

ADHD doesn't mean retarded or mentally ill or brain damaged. Though, depending on the severity of the condition and co-conditions that come with ADHD, it can appear that way. ADHD means that you are constantly distracted by events both inside and outside you and that you cannot control how your mind switches between what you need to focus on and what has caught your attention. Or, conversely, how you have found something that will keep your attention and your inability to change to another subject.

This is why ADHDrs are constantly told that they are faking it. Adults see children playing video games and say, "But you focused on that for hours, and you can't do your home work?" But, that is the root cause of the problem .. not that they are playing video games, but that they have something generating positive events that will keep them interested. Homework generates negative events and reminds them of all their failures.

So, if you all you were ever reminded of was your failures and mistakes, would you want to go through the maze?

There is another problem that NeuroTypicals miss with ADHDrs, that is built into a HetroNormative Society. Men don't cry. Men don't have feelings, other than being happy. Girls have feelings and cry all the time. This misinformation severely disrupts the testing of ADHD because, ADHD is based on an event that causes one of three emotional responses to stimuli .. positive, neutral, or negative.

You will move towards a positive or neutral stimuli.

You will avoid or retreat from a negative stimuli.

When the emotional component of ADHD is ignored, which is the very root of ADHD, then you are unable to understand how ADHD is controlling your life, and how to build a system that has repeatable successes.

Following

Provided here are the 10 list of things that require no talent, why they are harmful to ADHDrs, and how an ADHDrs can overcome this problem with a repeatable solution and training.

Time Blindness

For an ADHD to be on time, they need to be aware of time. Most ADHDrs end their day saying, "There is always tomorrow, so I'll try again." (Or, at least I do!)

Time blindness is this inability to know what time it is, how long it takes to do something, to estimate how long something takes, to remember your appointments, and .. but not limited to .. being able to organize and prioritize your work flow to get things done.

Undiagnosed, ADHDrs are never taught how to track the amount of time it takes to do a project. Nor are they told to set timers to remind themselves when something has to be done. Let along, that they need to externalize their calendars to visual see it every time they walk into a specific location.

To over come time blindness, an ADHDr must first externalize their calendar. Out of Site, means Out of Mind. Literally. An ADHDr will never remember their appointments, because something shiny will always capture their attention. But, by having a book opened to the current day, with the appointments listed in it, it will remind an ADHDr of their appointment.

Some ADHDrs find using a calendaring app helpful, so long as they use it consistently. I have stopped using a calendaring app, as it has become to cumbersome to add appointments into it, and they can get lost, and there is no quick way to see the appointments, when compared to a book.

As for tracking how long a project takes to complete, a stop watch is my friend there. I have to remember to start and stop it. Which is also a problem when I finish the project, get up, walk away, stretch, and then I'm off to the next task. But, when used, it helps me estimate how long the task will be when I do it.

Another helpful tool I hve started using, is a structured task list. I started this list for packing. Then I branched out when I learned how to apply ISO to my life. Now I have pre and post vacation check lists. Check lists for other activities, like going to the gym. Do I have right set of cloths packed for the event. This can be expanded to larger projects, as well.

As for knowing what time it is, I honestly don't worry about it, unless I have to be somewhere. To that end, I schedule only a few appointments a week. The less the better. And, I find that more than 4 appointments a day drives me nuts. I become very anxious. I can meet with people all day in inpromptu meetings, but if they were scheduled meetings, it would feel much different.

The Effort to Just Do!

Todos, tasks, projects, what ever you want to call them, are events. They all have an emotional component that either says stay and play some more or run away and hide. But, what if you can't run away and hide. Most animals in this situation will curl up into a ball and cry. (Humans included).

We know we need to do the task, but we can't. We just can't muster the energy to do it. The reason why this is, is because we have associated a negative response to the task. And no amount of parental or peer pressure will change that.

The Source of Energy

Positive Attitudes

Passion

Body Language

Coachable

Going Above and Beyond

Being Prepared

Having a Strong Work Ethic

#expectations #working w ADHD #adhd

[joshu--washu]

Dear heartshapedcreaturefrom////toon,

alright so about my last post 

this is what i got from a deleted post made by @heartshapedcreaturefromc///toon . (the url has a short version of the c slur in it, ends with p. go there at your own discretion but i would highly recommend you do so.) 

you know damn well what i’m talking about as your reblogs are still up on my page for people to see. and you called my autism non-existent from what i can tell. which, ironically, makes you ableist. you advocate for hating abled people, specifically ones who don’t use wheelchairs, but you go out of your way to say that my disability is fake. your hypocrisy.. amuses me. and nice try using “jushu” as a name for me to indicate you don’t understand, despite tagging the post with my url spelled correctly. your old post reeks.

and not only does it reek, it’s even more ableist than i thought it was at first. i just looked at the tags. now you hate autistic mentally ill able bodied people now? again i understand the able bodied stuff but like. you’re more ableist than my irls. and if you knew my irls, they are quite ableist. and able bodied. and white. and cishet. and neurotypical. all the bad things and somehow you’re worse? i haven’t said anything legit offensive to you and you fucking start to hate on me, say you hate autistics and think my disability isn’t real, then delete the post because you probably think i’m stupid enough to not find out it existed. tumblr didn’t work in your favor big guy. at this point, just put “dni if you aren’t visibly disabled” in your fucking page. do it. i dare you. you obviously want to so just do it. you fucking wimp. 

also “balls boy...” im 15. and now.. someone is saying you have said the r slur without being mentally disabled. wowza. just wow. it’s getting worse as i’m writing. holy shit. also. the f slur is faggot. you retard. there. i did it. the gay autistic man said faggot and retard. what an ableist fuck. wow.

i granted your wish. i called you a retard. are you happy? are you satisfied?

do you feel silly? do you feel stupid? do you feel.. a little ashamed? 

and wow, you’ve also said the f slur despite being transfemme nb.. it’s just getting worse. and worse. and worse. and worse. 

and then you call me baby hitler... i am also jewish. i am literally jewish. and you said my pfp causes epilepsy when actual things with epilepsy warnings would usually be eyestrain. well i can tell you now.. your blog sure is straining my eyes. and then.. when did i even SPEAK about eugenics here.

and you insult minors too, yet you use freak/frick in place of fuck.. do you kin badboyhalo. do you factkin badboyhalo. do you watch badboyhalo and think you’re so pure and then call a jew “baby hitler.” you say the f slur despite being transfemme. you say the r slur despite being mentally well off when it comes to disabilities. how bad do you get. jeez. go to 4chan. 

the christian bible joke was that.. a joke.. about you.. being non jewish.. and writing a long post about why you’re right.

NOW i’m being shown you think agere is sexual. it’s a trauma coping mechanism. oh my god. you just. you. i. you. you. youu. YOU. I AGE REGRESS SOMETIMES. no one KNOWS about it until now but I DO IT SOMETIMES.

OH WAIT.. YOU DIDNT EVEN DELETE THE POST. TUMBLR JUST HATES ME TOO!! LIVE POSTING AM I RIGHT BOYS? 

I NEVER SAID I HATE ABLE BODIED PEOPLE.. I SAID I UNDERSTAND IT. YOU CAN READ, RIGHT? AND TOO BAD. AGAIN I AM 15 COMING UP ON 16. I AM 10 YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU. AND YOU ARE LEGIT SAYING SLURS THAT I CAN SAY BUT YOU CAN’T. THIS IS AN AGGRAVATION, YOU MORON. I DID NOT MAKE A LEGIT AGGRAVATION TO YOU UNTIL THIS. and hey, if YOU can bring up able bodied people, I CAN bring up what i would like to as well. i never said i was REMOTELY like you. i don’t WANT to be. and i KNOW they are 18/19. but do you know something about 18/19 year olds? they are still quite new to being an adult. but YOU? YOU ARE 26. 

YOU ARE SAYING SLURS AS AN AGGRAVATION ON A CALLOUT POST MEANT FOR A CHILD YOU ARE HARASSING. YOU ARE CALLING A CHILD BABY HITLER AND SAYING THAT IT SAID THINGS THAT IT DID NOT SAY. YOU ARE FUCKING SCUM. 

and .. you call yourself a punk. THIS IS NOT PUNK. DON’T DISGRACE ACTUAL PUNKS. ACTUAL PUNKS WOULD PROBABLY KILL YOU IF THEY KNEW ABOUT THIS. 

and just so you and your -1 people following know, this isn’t motivated by your physical disability, by your identity, by anything. you are just a horrible person. acting so high and mighty when you’re just being an asshole to like.. everyone. 

and if you DO have cerebral palsy, i’m not sure because you just posted a definition of it with no other clear contexts.. my apologies for calling you the r slur. you suck but i’m not gonna be called ableist because i was unsure of you. i’m not that kind of asshole.  

anyways “heart shaped creature,” for your shape you seem to not even remotely be a loving and caring individual. go eat some coyote shit and act your age. 

#ableism #ableist #ableist bullshit #stop being ableist #you fucking moron #antisemitism #anti semitic #anti semitism #homophobia #f slur

[livehorses]

Let's talk about serious stuff, even if it hurts.

And mostly for me, because even if I didn't hear all of them, I liked many of Sia's songs. I thought they were positive and wholesome, and helped me in a good way to keep going on my days. Of course, I met her on the movie of B/L! with the song of "Suitcase" one of the shortest but strongest songs I heard throughout the movie. Obviously there performed Maddie Ziegler as Camille and even if I didn't find a great voice acting (actually the first thought I had while hearing her for the first time was that she hadn't a good pronunciation) I liked it at least what we could say decently.

I never liked at all how Maddie worked on Sia's music videos though. I found it unfair for a girl of her age to be exposed as she is, and ever since she was at Dance Moms.

Then, this trailer comes out. When I watched it, because I know so few as a neurotypical person about the autism spectrum I didn't know if it was accurate, but even myself found over exaggerated the acting of Maddie. It reminded me more of my aunt that has mental retardation. I sensed something was wrong.

I didn't want to stay on my own conclusions, so I read the comments in the video and searched on Tumblr, and the news what was the autistic community reaction, and I find very fair what they think about it.

It makes me sad, that Sia seemed to be a goodhearted person at a start, but she showed to have no real respect for the autistic people, at least, not for the ones that complain about her movie. I pity that Maddie had to be put on such shameful position by being told to act so bad. And more, I agree with you that they would've actually casted and actual autistic girl. I can't believe that Sia supposedly did her research to do a good representation and failed miserably, and that she allowed the support of autistic companies that actually harm them like Autism Speaks.

The worst is that this clearly isn't addressed to autistic people but to a neurotypical audience, but if you want to make conscience about how we view autistic people, this is not the way because, as I said before I know very few of the subject, I don't know if there's a situation like that within the spectrum and that only confuses us more. I have two friends that are autistic and I feel so bad that they are represented in such an unrespectful way.

As a neurotypical person, I apologise for the bad representation of your community in media and more in this movie, and for all the neurotypical people that is defending it. Is just the trailer what I saw but I think I have enough evidence to not support it. I'm so sorry Sia doesn't want to hear you, I'm so sorry that Maddie didn't represent you well.

I'm not sure that should be enough to stop hearing Sia's songs, but what I have for sure is that if watching this movie will provide with money those horrible organizations, it should be better if no one go to watch it.

#Music movie #Music movie 2021 #Music 2021 #Sia #Maddie Ziegler #Controversial #Autism #Autistic people #Media representation #I'm so sorry #Ableism #Ableism tw

[eldritchsurveys]

914.

1) What are some positive things, realizations or habits that came out of quarantine for you? >> I think I’m going to have to actually follow at least one survey taker because I’m tired of having to go to their actual blog every time I want to find surveys (Lane stopped appearing in the #survey tag for me around the time that tumblr updated the dash, for some reason, and he’s probably not the only one but I haven’t figured out who else got axed yet). So if you get a follow from aynrandslashfiction, it’s just me. EDIT: Realised I didn’t answer the question, pfffft. The best thing that has come out of pandemic for me is physical distancing, tbh. I mean, I’d prefer to not have the pandemic, of course. I’ve been dealing with people’s inability to maintain personal space for years and I would continue if I had to, but, you know.

2) How do you feel about people who are “workaholics”? Would you consider yourself one? How do you personally maintain a work-life balance? If you aren’t working, what personal activity or task takes up most of your time? >> I feel the same way about workaholics that I do about any other kind of -holic -- they’re probably escaping something in their life/past that they find intolerable, and I also feel like I would not want to get emotionally involved with them.

3) How financially responsible would you say you are? What could you spend less money on? >> As financially responsible as I can be on an income that is not meant to be liveable. It’s not like I can be terribly irresponsible, because I just don’t have enough money to blow in the first place. 

4) How would you describe yourself as a friend? What value would you say you bring to your friends? >> I don’t know how to describe myself as a friend. I don’t know what makes me valuable in a human interaction at all. This is the kind of understanding that is helped by testimonials from other people, and I don’t have enough data.

5) In psychology they say that our romantic relationships are an extension of our relationships with our parents, and that we tend to choose our partners based on whatever was lacking in our childhood, or that we are attracted to traumas and sufferings that are familiar to us rather than the unknown. Can you relate to this? >> Of course I can relate to that. 

6) Is there a specific type of survey you miss taking? How or where do you find new surveys to take these days? >> I mean, I don’t know. I don’t find new surveys very easily these days because there’s just not a lot of new ones being made, not like back in the day. That’s partially why I decided to follow along with the 5k Survey -- at least I know I don’t have to worry about finding new surveys for a while (and I can save-to-draft the good surveys I do run into, so I have a nice little pile of ones to take in between 5k entries, or in the future).

7) Do you still care about tags on surveys? When you see surveys that you know don’t credit the maker nowadays, how do you feel? >> I don’t care about it because it just doesn’t seem like much of a priority. If there’s already a tag on it, I usually just leave it there.

8) Is there anyone in your life who knows about your survey-taking habits? How would / do you explain the concept of our community to someone, if you ever have to? >> I’m relatively sure Sparrow knows about it, since I’ve been taking them for years, and I also occasionally mention them in conversations. It’s pretty easy to explain, I think, although my explanation varies depending on the person’s familiarity with the internet. Sometimes I reference MySpace bulletins or Quizilla, sometimes I describe them as open-ended essay questions taken for fun and introspection, etc.

9) What happened the last time you had a disagreement or falling out with a friend? Or the last time you had to apologize to someone? >> I don’t remember. It probably just went badly.

10) Can you tell when you are not well-liked? What do you do when you feel someone is not particularly fond of you? Can you remember the last time you were in that situation? >> I don’t know if I can tell or not. I guess it depends on the person and their level of aggressiveness -- some people are more obvious about their dislike for other people than others are. And as far as what I do, it depends on who the person is and what kind of mental health day I’m having. Sometimes I don’t care, but other times my brain gets stuck on a loop trying to figure out what I did wrong. Either way, even if my brain is on negativity-loop central, I still don’t try to convince them to like me or anything. I know better than that (and most of the time I don’t actually want them to change their mind, it’s not about that -- it’s just the shame spiral).

11) How would you say your preference in movies or TV shows changed from when you were a teenager vs. now? >> I think I still like the same stuff, I’ve just added even more stuff that I like now.

12) Apart from price and location, what are some deciding factors when choosing a house for you? What is something you love the most in your current home, and what would you change if you could? >> For me, my needs revolve around having my own bedroom, having a decent-sized bathroom and kitchen, and having enough windows. There are other things that I might like too, like hardwood floors, that are just hard to get along with all the other stuff (idk what everyone’s obsession with carpet is, but god, is it hard to find non-carpeted apartments that are within budget and have the other most important boxes checked). What I like most about this apartment is that I have my own room, tbh. Otherwise it’s pretty unremarkable.

13) Do you know any “influencers” in real life? How much are you actually likely to follow an influencer’s advice or recommendations? >> I don’t. I have sub-zero interest in influencers and I think the concept is rather socially and personally damaging.

14) What emotion is the hardest for you to express? Can you think of a time when you felt force or successfully expressed this emotion? >> All emotions are impossibly hard for me to express unless I’m alone (and even then, if the shame spiral starts, you can best believe I’ll even deny my emotions to my own fucking self). I’ve been trying to work on it -- not expressing emotions around others, that’s going to take a while, just... expressing them to myself -- and let me tell you, it’s a lot of work. What’s it like to have parents that did not completely retard your emotional and social development, setting you up for a string of human relationships that also further reinforce the idea that your emotions are huge disgusting ugly things that should be ignored at best and punished at worst?

15) How do you feel about job interviews? Are you good at negotiation? Was there a time when you felt you didn’t do so well during the interview, but still got the job? >> I have never been on a proper job interview, and I’m pretty sure I would bomb it just by being... you know. Not neurotypical. (I could fake it for an interview, sure, but here’s the problem with that: if it works, and I get hired, then they’ll expect me to behave like that. Which I do not, normally. And the only thing worse than not getting hired in the first place is having a horrible time on the job, failing miserably at things, pissing everyone off, and eventually getting fired.)

#surveys #survey #random survey #oof. just remembered that i /used/ to follow lane and then hallie manipulated me into unfollowing him #god. what a fucking mess. what a fucking. mess

[infinitydoublevenus]

Avoiding eye contact isn’t “rude”

Avoiding eye contact isn’t “impolite”

Not for people like us - who are neurodivergent

Who are autistic or have ADHD, or both

Whose brain structures differ from that of a neurotypical structure 

Who don’t function the same way as neurotypicals do

Who feel threatened by eye contact due to the way their neurology has develooped

Who feel pain when making eye contact 

Who are different because of their psychology

We speak our own language

Yet you want us to be fluent in yours

And refuse to learn our own

You think of us lower:

You ignore our language - while thinking yours is the only real one 

Without acknowledging that this is how we communicate

That we understand each other and can comprehend our own mothertongue

And this could be applied literally to different situations

But our brains are built in ways your architects didn’t install 

So we have our own navigation through our minds

Labyrinths that we know every path and crevice to

We are adjusted to this; you are not

But you could learn

Yet you still refuse to 

Search engines aren’t hard to come by if you have technology

But you never use yours

And you don’t study with the resources available to you

Instead you ignore them

In favor of so-called “professional” opinions

Even when they’re proven wrong by professional scientists

And you give us “therapy” you think will give us your brain structure

But that’s not how neurological science works

And it’s not how any human brain functions properly

You call it “help” and then abuse us with ABA 

You think the organization that silences us speaks for us

But they’ve met us

And never listened

And disregarded what we had to say

In favor of fueling their political ableist agenda

In favor of spreading their anti-autistic propaganda

You think we don’t look like ourselves

Despite telling us to wear a mask all our lives

But when the mask falls off, you don’t believe it’s us underneath

Even though you were the one that put it on our faces in the first place

You act like we don’t know who we are

Or that we’re not human

But we do, and we are

We’ve done mountains more research than you’ll ever know

Scoured Google’s pages for information, or bing

Or whatever engine we use, we look through as many pages as we can

Without losing spoons - our word for our energy

We go years undiagnosed, because of factors you refuse to believe

The sexism in the medical industry is rampant, yet you disregard the statisticians who told you it was true

Women like me go undiagnosed for most of their lives

Because you think it’s a “boy’s disorder”

Because your precious allies used blue to represent men

As if women couldn’t be part of our community

When that’s blatantly not true

And it’s not just gender or sex either 

It’s multiple factors

That blend into one another

That make it a challenge for us to find a well-trained professional 

To get a diagnosis so you will finally believe us when we say

That this is our experience

Even if we don’t have a label yet

That these are things that make so many of us feel like outcasts because of how you treat us 

Because when we’re little, you don’t teach your kids to respect us

And they leave us out

And they treat us like outcasts

And they call us

Weird

Mental

Crazy

Insane

Stupid

Dumb

Retarded

Lazy

Useless

But none of those are true

Because normal doesn’t exist, it’s a concept created by society in order to force those who were different to fit into their social ideologies

Because “mental” is an outdated diagnosis that was used to demonize mentally ill and neurodivergent people back when asylums were still legal and abused their power over vulnerable populations

Because autism isn’t psychosis. They’re two different things, and neither makes the person a monster, or lesser than

Because even though we’re some of the smartest people you’ll ever meet, saying someone shouldn’t have a right to live because they aren’t as smart as you is oppressive elitism

Because “retarded” is another outdated diagnosis and is routinely used to dehumanize people like us 

Because we’re not lazy, you just don’t know what the words “executive dysfunction” mean and you refuse to help us when we’re faced with challenges we don’t know how to cope with

We’re not going anywhere anytime soon

We’re not ill, our brains are just different

And you’ d better fucking get used to it

Because we’re not useless, we’re revolutionaries.

And we’re going to change the fucking world, whether you and your ilk like it or not. 

#actuallyautistic #autism #poem #poetry #long post #writing #writers of tumblr #writeblr #original post #text post #autism spectrum disorder #asd #adhd #autism spectrum #tw ableism #w ableism #rant #vent poem #vent #feminism #intersectional feminism #political #politics #sociopolitical #social norms #equal rights #equality #activism #activist #autism acceptance

[awbrainno]

i.

It rankles. It itches, burns, rubs up against my PTSD and my contrary nature. It’s infuriating, sure; it pisses me off, just like almost everything does. But it’s more than just infuriating: it’s terrifying.

I am not self-sufficient. I am not an island. I am not self-reliant, and I never will be.

My entire existence relies on my ability to suck up to those who may deign to help me. Doctors, teachers, supervisors, coworkers – I am at their mercy. It’s more than just being nice or being respectful. My survival depends on being exactly the right kind of dancing monkey, entertaining and non-threatening and properly cowed, properly humbled in the presence of my betters.

Sometimes, a nurse once told me, we have to eat crow. I was trying to self-advocate, to explain, to ask why the doctor hadn’t done as she’d promised. Sometimes we have to eat crow, the nurse scolded me. Be more properly grateful, more acceptably humble. Your doctor doesn’t have to help you, you know. You should show her some respect.

People with access to resources and knowledge I desperately need dangle them just out of my reach. “Maybe,” they sneer, “you should ask nicely.” I do not correct the police as they misgender me because I want to leave here unharmed. I do not speak up when my coworkers and bosses refuse to learn my pronouns, my title, do not speak up when they glare and sneer and demean the junkie trash, the whores, the psychos. I am admonished, given a warning – my email greetings are not respectful enough. I must treat lightly if I want the powers that be at my job to continue to deign to assist me.

I am helpless. My shoulder dislocated, I smile placidly at the cop who cuffed me. My gender a dull, constant ache deep in my soul, I write out polite, charming personalized greetings to my superiors. My brain broken and constantly in recovery, I quietly turn away, pretending not to hear coworkers laughing at psychos.

There is no place I belong. There is no safe space. I bow and scrape and beg, desperate for any scrap of kindness, desperate for access into a wider world. I bring my service dog, but we are turned away.

My world is shrinking. I wish I were shrinking to match.

ii.

This is how we burn out. This is how burnout propagates, reproduces, becomes a raging wildfire of despair, of anger, of hurt. This is how we burn out.

We begin by wanting to help – its so simple, so unassuming, so naïve. We begin by wanting to help, to do a good job. We begin this way and are greeted warmly and told to reach out for help, reach out for support, to reach out because we are a team, and no one can do this alone. This is how we begin. We begin by reaching out, by asking questions, by requesting help. We have high hopes, at the beginning.

It begins the first time help is not forthcoming. There will be no explanation, though there may be an admonishment, a scolding; yes, they will say, reach out, but do so in exactly this way, exactly this tone; be humble and be respectful and be constantly aware that you are nothing. You are needy and you are no one, so show some g-ddamn respect.

It begins when the humble, needy begging, the carefully cultivated persona, kneeling at the feet of those in power, is not enough. No one responds, no one reciprocates, no one deems us worthy of their time. It begins when we realize we are nothing in their eyes, and no amount of placating them will ever render us worthy.

We begin to burn, tired of begging and scraping and kneeling. We give up hope, exchange optimism for harsh realities, for learned helplessness, for frustration, for rage. We burn, our efforts pointless and no end in sight. We burn out like this, like pile-on principle, like a lifetime of failures and pointless endeavors.

We burn out, ultimately, alone. We burn out resigned. We burn out in pieces, until nothing of us remains. We burn down to ashes. We burn, and we burn, and still we keep throwing our broken bodies into the fire. We burn because we have no choice, no options, no hope.

This is how we burn out.

iii.

Burnout is a strange concept for me. I’m… not sure what it means, really. We talk about it in classrooms

make sure you take care of yourself, you don’t want to burn out

but never really define it. Come to think of it, we don’t really define the other part, either: “take care of yourself.” What does that mean?

she’s going to have to get over herself if she wants to like, exist in the real world…

We talk, in my social work classrooms, about self-care and burnout. We talk about self-care as if it is a flame-retardant suit, or some kind of magical fireproof sunscreen: apply enough self-care every day to ensure you don’t burn to ash.

I’ve seen things you can’t even imagine, working in this field

But try to define self-care and you get the same responses, over and over, repeated verbatim from abled mouths and neurotypical minds: take a long walk. Get enough exercise. Use a fancy lotion. Relax, journal, sing, talk with friends, put your burden down and walk away from it. Care for yourself – simple. 

so… it’s a therapy dog? For your clients?

We talk about burnout in terms of The Work – always capital letters, always job-related but separate from the job. We are social workers, getting jobs and doing work so that we can do The Work. This phrase, this mantra, this all-important Sisyphean task set before us is, predictably, never defined. We are social workers; we do The Work.

don’t you have class this morning? Why are you still in bed?

I am not in school any longer. I am a social worker, employed, working, doing (I think) The Work. Still, I think about these things, these concepts that dominated my education. These big ideas, undefined, nebulous, all-important and impossible to understand. I wonder if it is only my broken brain, making things more difficult for me as usual. Self-care. Burnout. The Work. 

it’s important to have a good work-life balance so you don’t burn out

Some days, my self-care looks almost neurotypical. Some days I take a bath, or eat a chocolate, or pet my dog, and I feel… better, I think. It’s hard to tell. I’m not neurotypical, and I’m not able-bodied, and I’m never going to achieve that level of “healthy.” Self-care can’t get me there, but I can feel… better. Other days, my self-care is less like a suit of fire-proof armor and more like burn cream, trying to undo the damage already done by all the ways I’m already burning out in my day-to-day life, trying to patch me up so I can go to work and do The Work.

social work isn’t for everyone: we have to ask ourselves, really ask ourselves, if we’re suited for The Work

Some days I’m more burn than person, more ash than human, more smoke than breath. Some days I think I’ve failed, I’ve burned, I’m finished. Somehow, I keep going anyway. What choice do I have?

watch out for each other – the last thing we want is for anyone to burn out

What choice do I have?

#actuallyborderline #actuallyschizotypal #actuallydisabled #social work #adventures in social work #caw caw #ableism for ts #ask to tag

[elf-kid2]

Imma talk about my and my family’s experience with autism. Just because.

The kids at school are mean. Some of them call me a “retard.” I do not identify this as bullying because their behaviors don’t precisely match the behaviors of bullies depicted in media.

Homeschooling! Homeschooling is good.

Apparently ‘autism’ and ‘asperger syndrome’ are things that exist, and it might be what I and some of my siblings have. Apparently, it’s an epidemic. All the research and articles are about four- and five-year-olds, but me and my siblings are entering middle and high school, so most of it doesn’t apply to us. 

Apparently, many kids with autism (like us) have moms with chronic pain and fatigue (like our Mom). None of us know what to do with this information.

Therapies exist, but we don’t have money for that. I learn why playing on the swings always calms me down. My sister gets some Stimtastic toys and jewelry, and finds them to be very helpful.

Dad thinks he might be on the spectrum as well. We have discovered the multi-colored puzzle pieces as a symbol of identity, representing the diverse symptoms and experiences that all relate to one another, even if you can’t spot the connection at first. There’s an article about autistic children being murdered by their parents, and it is horrifying.

Sheldon Cooper is the first Definitely Autistic character I’ve ever seen on TV, and I am so excited to see this silly, relatable nerd!

My life becomes fore stressful, and I start stimming more. It’s good to know that hand-flapping is both a viable option and perfectly normal for people in my demographic. I learn that “Autism Speaks” is the worst.

Sheldon Cooper embodies nearly every negative stereotype about autistic people in existence, and I am disgusted by the entire Big Bang Theory show for a variety of reasons.

ASAN (Autism Self Advocacy Network) exists, and I learn that I’m not the only one who instinctively felt that the whole “person-first language” thing was BS. Nothing about us without us! We find out that ABA therapy is actually abusive, and are glad we could never afford it anyway. Mom realizes that she always is about two points away from the spectrum on those “are you autistic” quizes, and starts to wonder if she might, in fact, be autistic herself. 

“Autism Awareness Month” is replaced by “Autism Acceptance Month.” Trying to figure out if I need accommodations from my school or not, but feeling validated by the Office of Disabilities for acknowledging it as a real disability either way. Trying to build/develop solidarity with other disability rights groups. Apparently, we may be infantilized. Apparently, it may be easier for me to loose custody of my children, if I have any.  

I say I want more stories with autistic characters, more stories with the autistic experience. They ask me, why don’t you write your own? You’re a writer, aren’t you? I don’t WANT to write about being autistic. I want to write about magical princesses and griffins and dragons!I want to write about aliens and superheroes and love! I don’t want the burden of representation to rest solely on me!

Trying to build solidarity with other groups. Remembering that it’s easier for guys to get diagnosed than it is for girls, and that white people are more likely to get a diagnosis than others thanks to racial bias and privilege. Trying to get by. Trying to acknowledge to myself that some things are harder for me, or take more energy for me, than they are/do for my neurotypical peers. Reminding myself that my struggles are valid and that I can acknowledge them.

Making this post. Happy “Autism Acceptance Month.”

#ActuallyAutistic #autism acceptance month

[hoshiko2000]

The Boy On The Bridge & The Dangerous Myth Of The Autistic Robot

I want to begin by saying how much I love M.R Carey’s The Girl With All The Gifts! A highly original addition to the sci-fi genre, it centers on a race of human/zombie hybrids discovered in the fallout of a devastating apocalypse. Told through the eyes of Melanie - one such of these unsettling, eerily intelligent children - it paints a terrifying and unnervingly tangible picture of a decimated England. It was a book I found utterly impossible to tear myself away from, so when a prequal was released in late 2017 I couldn’t fail to check it out.

Set around 10 years before the original novel, The Boy on The Bridge follows the ill-fated former crew of the Rosalind Franklin; an elite team of soldiers and scientists who will become the first humans to encounter the mysterious ‘hungry’ children. It’s a intriuiging premise, promising to provide answers to the many burning questions left over from the previous novel. 

But as much as I wanted to lose myself in this exciting tale of post-apocolyptic survival, devastated cities and fungal-plagues, I quickly found myself distracted by one specific character. A character who, from the moment they first appeared on the page, immediately began to grate on me.

They’re not someone I’m at all unfamiliar with. I’ve encountered characters exactly like him many, many times over. While once they were rare, today they seem to endlessly bombard us in movies, on TV, across countless genres of fiction. They are a character who embodies troubling, regressive cliches that – in 2017 – I was hoping we were finally beginning to see the back of. A character who is, supposedly, just like me.

His name is Stephen Greaves, and he’s autistic.

 (TW for references to both the fictional and real life abuse of autistic children)

I should correct my previous paragraph by stating Stephen’s not ‘actually’ autistic. The author does have the forethought to pull the disclaimer-card of saying he might just have severe PTSD instead. It’s the same convenient ambiguity that always seems to precede terrible, regressive depictions of autistic people; Christopher Boone being another key example.

Considering that this is a kid who literally watched his parents get eaten by zombies, the idea that Stephen may have PTSD does feel fairly plausible. Probable even. But this still doesn’t change the fact that Stephen is heavily, heavily autistic coded. By which I mean he is yet another exaggerated stereotype of how neurotypical authors believe we think and behave.

From the moment he first appears Stephen is strikingly, undeniably ‘odd’. At 15 years old he rarely speaks, is terrified of physical contact and devotes much of his time to avoiding other people. He is a scientific savant who views the world through a detached, analytical lense and considers human relationships an unwanted distraction. This doesn’t stop him from forming one close relationship - with his mentor and mother-figure Dr Khan - but this is clearly an exception to a rule.

Like many other autistic caricatures in fiction, Stephen is obsessed with facts and has a neurotic preoccupation with the truth. More bizarrely, he is physically incapable of telling a lie. Like, genuinely physically incapable. If forced to lie, he will literally begin uncontrollably stuttering out the truth as though under some bizarre curse.

Out of all the myths regarding us that exist in fiction, the one that says autistic people can’t lie is the one that completely baffles me. Autistic people can lie. I told a lie just yesterday; ‘I’m not drunk’. A claim I refuse to believe was at all undermined by the fact I was unable to walk straight at the time.

Some autistic people are, in fact, talented liars. Parents of kids with pathological demand avoidance will attest to this. Neurotypical writers keep returning to this cliché under the misguided belief it offers us a ‘virtuous’ quality; it doesn’t. It’s patronizing and dehumanizing; dismissing us as individuals with free will and turning us in to the helpless puppets of some ‘robotic’ internal wiring.

And this is the fundamental issue with Stephen’s character: his uncomfortable robotic quality.

Unusually for an autistic character, a great amount of effort has been put in to exploring how Stephen thinks and feels. But this is only to emphasize how fundamentally different he is from other human beings. Stephen doesn’t function like a human being, he functions like a computer. His machine-like mental processes are depicted frequently, and in tedious detail. He is not a character who exists for non-autistic readers to relate to. He is instead constructed to be as strange, as baffling and as dramatically different as possible. Not because this is how autistic people actually are, but because we apparently make much more interesting reading this way.

 A lot of neurotypical readers are probably wondering why – outside of the blatant predjudice, loss of relatable representation and piss-poor, lazy characterisation - the ‘robotic’ stereotyping of autistic characters bothers me so much. And that’s because outside the realms of fiction, the dehumanization of autistic people has devastating repercussions. The most harrowing example being the all-too-frequent murders of autistic children at the hands of their parents, and the disturbingly sympathetic news coverage that follows them.

These reports follow a distinct formula. They paint a tragic picture of the murderer; their ‘hellish’ existence as the parent of an autistic child, the eventual ‘breakdown’ that drove them to commit this ‘desperate’ act. They will gloss over incriminating details like online-evidence suggesting the murder was being planned weeks in advance, or previous accusations of exploiting their child’s disabilities for money or attention. We will hear all about their ‘mental health problems’, their manslaughter plea, how ‘dedicated’ a parent they supposedly were prior to stabbing, drowning or – in one inconceivably horrific case – burning their own child to death.

The one person they say little about is the murdered child.

Unlike other young murder victims, we rarely see quotes from grieving relatives or teachers about how they were ‘a delight to teach’ or ‘a bubbly, affectionate little girl’. We don’t hear about how they - like other kids their age - loved cuddles and bath-time and watching Peppa Pig. We often don’t even get a photo.

Instead we are presented with yet another faceless autistic monster who has driven their parents to desperation.

 It gives me no pleasure to detail these horrendous acts of violence. I know this segment must be deeply distressing for many of you to read; it was harrowing to research. I’ve not included it because I wish to upset you. I’ve included it because I want you to understand that the dehumanization of autistic people across the media - the depiction of us as emotionless, affectionless and not quite human -  is a very, very dangerous thing.

At best, it robs of us our identities as sensitive human beings who experience life in diversely individual ways.

At worst it legitimizes the abuse we suffer; turning us in to the deserving recipients of our own victimization.

 And indeed, the way Stephen is portrayed in The Boy on The Bridge is only one half of the problem. The other is how the rest of the cast treats him. Stephen isn’t just treated with dislike by the other members of his team, he’s treated with open contempt. He is nicknamed ‘The Robot’, a cruel moniker that is used so frequently you’d be forgiven for forgetting his actual name. He’s called ‘emotionally disturbed’, ‘an idiot’ and a ‘fucking retard’; the verbal punching bag for the frustrations of a terrified and disillusioned crew. When a panicked Stephen locks members of his team outside during an attack, this abuse boils over in to physical violence and he is viciously slammed against a wall.

There are two very important things to remember when we talk about how Stephen is treated by the other character in The Boy On The Bridge.

This is the abuse of a literal child at the hands of adults twice his age.

This is abuse of a child at the hands of characters readers are sympathize with. Characters who have their own chapters, voices, storylines. Characters readers are not meant to always necessarily like, but are expected to relate to.

We are expected as readers to empathize with fully grown adults victimizing an autistic child. The bullying, isolation and violence Stephen is subjected to by the rest of the cast is presented as cruel, but seemingly understandable.

Because Stephen is different, and that makes them uncomfortable. And that is the only defence they need.

 I don’t want anyone to leave this post with the wrong impression; I’m not writing this because I don’t want to see autistic characters in fiction. I do, desperately so. I yearn for characters I can relate to, characters who represent my own experiences. Autistic characters who, like me, who have struggled with a life-time of misdiagnosis. Autistic characters who are told they ‘don’t look autistic’. Autistic characters that struggle with subtle, frequently misinterpreted difficulties which are constantly overlooked.

 Autistic characters who represent the sum of our real experiences, not creative interpretations of how non-autistic writers imagine we ‘might’ function.

 I don’t want to see yet another tiresome savant with intellectual abilities way outside of human limitations.

I don’t want to be represented by caricatures so cartoonishly exaggerated they are unreIatable to most autistic people, let alone neurotypical people.

I don’t want to see the abuse I have suffered legitimized through the myth that my supposed strangeness ‘drove’ my abusers to it.

I don’t want to be shown the world through the eyes of another emotionally-detached robot, and be told that this is how people like myself think and feel.

 Those are not my eyes, that is not my story.

#autism #disability #actuallyautistic #disability in fiction #asd #aspergers syndrome

[autistic-science-cryptid]

Introduction

I am an autistic person, as I’m sure you know. And, as the title suggests, while I am not literally a cryptid, I might as well be a cryptid, at least according to autism researchers, for a number of reasons. You see, for starters,I was diagnosed with autism in the late 80s as a baby, and I mean a literal baby, just over a year old, because my mom (who later realized she was autistic and self-diagnosed as a result of watching me grow) talked to the doctors and was like “Oh by the way, I noticed that other babies look at me but my kid does not. Hmmm. I wonder why that is”. That’s the first cryptid point right there - researchers are still looking for ways to diagnose autistic kids at age 2 (so they can push that hellish ABA therapy on them - boooo) even though like two seconds of observation would enable them to see who is autistic much earlier. Which is probably a good thing if that kid has the type of parents who would push them into ABA. Good thing my parents didn’t buy into that crap, no matter how much later experience with abusive assholes convinced me they did or it was only a matter of time before they did.

Secondly, since I didn’t know how to please IQ testers when I was really little and had not been pushed through official ABA by my parents, the “experts” claimed I was (and this is their word, not mine) “retarded”. Which, as we know, is a slur, but was a medical term in use back then, before they said “intellectually disabled”. Fine thing to put on a baby. And here’s the thing: No intellectually disabled person can write the way I’m doing right now. So one more cryptid point - apparently the real me didn’t exist to them then, either.

Thirdly, when I was really little, a dog (whose owner foolishly claimed he “loves kids”) got its mouth around my throat, and my autistic nervous response of freezing up in the face of that type of danger is the only reason I’m not six feet under right now, as pretty much any neurotypical kid would have been when confronted with a situation like that. So one more cryptid point for me. Especially since I always have and still love dogs, and if anything, that incident had me firmly convinced that dogs are not mindless killing machines, because if they were, I’d be dead. Whereas a response I had to a teacher ducking me underwater and giving me fake praise was more normal - it made me afraid of the water, and only a teacher from the YMCA cured me of that fear, whereas the special ed middle school I went to, which had a pool, only punished me for that fear. I’ll get back to special ed later. 

Yay “errorless learning! (/sarcasm)

I also used to stack a little table on top of a chair when I was a kid to reach stuff because for some reason, my dad always put Cheerios on top of a really high wardrobe (Gee, thanks) And I never fell because I was careful climbing that precarious structure. One more cryptid point for me - kids normally aren’t able to do that.

I am also a person who was in private Special Ed schools from the time I was like ten months old throughout high school, and my middle and high school in particular was emotionally abusive to me. While they never officially claimed to use ABA, they did - if it walks like ABA, talks like ABA, and quacks like ABA, it is ABA no matter what you call it. And really, it’s quite weaselly presenting your core discipline method as like a fun extra for your students to earn (which I found out on their website years later). It’s especially weaselly given that this method was the exact method used to punish me for not swimming a length of the school’s pool due to the fear of the water (and especially the deep end) that I mentioned earlier, a fear that wasn’t even as difficult to solve as many other hydrophobia cases, so of course a Y teacher was able to fix it. Throughout that time, but particularly during middle school years, I tried multiple different little schemes (not adult-level schemes, kid-sized ones) to try to be a more successful kid (so yes, I do sympathize with Pa Ingalls, even as I recognize that it is far more problematic for him to do that than for kid me to because he had several people to look out for and I had zero). That’s another cryptid point - usually you see that kind of behavior pattern from grown men, not tween girls.

As an extra bonus, the special ed high school I went to let me into their college program the first year, one where you take college courses for credit, and I got an A in that course. Nevertheless, my school had set me up to fail that - they had a lady teacher sit next to me, one who was entitled as fuck. This teacher whined about her job to us, and also bragged at one point about how Tom Cruise called her and was polite to her. I mean, hello? Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, and assuming that teacher wasn’t lying, the only reason Tom Cruise would call some random teacher is to recruit her into Scientology. But of course, that teacher was so full of herself that she could not see that. This teacher also, when confronted, said “I have other kids to worry about”. Nevermind that I was the only student from that special ed program that she was sitting next to. She also allowed me to work on a project alone instead of in a group because of course I was going to take that option when they offered it (even though I am perfectly capable of working on group projects). But them allowing me that option was a setup. 

That, combined with talking to myself and maybe poor grooming was what they used as an excuse to kick me out of that program. Though they never told me about poor grooming as a reason, and it was usually my parents they hid things from, so I’m not sure poor grooming was what they were primarily concerned with. Anyhoo, it seems as though talking to myself was enough to get me kicked out of that program in spite of getting an A, with the teachers literally laughing like bullies at my parents as they told my parents the news, and furthermore, they recommended me for VESID, which was really just recommending that I live in a sheltered workshop (which I would have shot myself in the foot in - I am a fast worker at certain tasks, and had my parents agreed to the sheltered workshop placement, I would have given the people my best performance, and ended up getting paid less than minimum wage, and worse, they would never let me go because they would be using me to pick up the slack for other workers and would find all sorts of excuses not to let me move on). 

So the A alone may as well be a cryptid point. As is my using NYC public transportation all by myself - those fuckheads claimed I couldn’t travel independently, even though I had been using the subway all by my lonesome to get to the work experience programs I did the last year (in former years, I had gone to work experience stints on the bus). So, pathetic as it may seem, my ability to use the subway/bus all by my lonesome is another cryptid point.

I also get a few more cryptid points for currently studying animal behavior and cognition in grad school and working on a Master’s thesis (which I won’t talk about so, again, as not to dox myself). Let me explain.

First of all, in spite of being kicked out of that program, the high school let me graduate, and the way they described me was literally how intellectually disabled people are described. And, while intellectually disabled people are themselves severely underestimated, they certainly are not going to be in graduate school working on a Master’s thesis in animal behavior and cognition, because the scientific papers alone would be cognitively inaccessible to them - even the lay version of scientific papers might not be cognitively accessible to an intellectually disabled person. So, according to that logic, I should not even be where I am right now.

Furthermore, some of the top people at that school are ableist as fuck, and totally champion clicker training, both for animals (which is iffy in and of itself, especially as a general behavior training for highly social and compliant species like dogs) and for, you guessed it, autistic people. They totally support ABA “therapy” as well (and yes, they support electrically shocking kids as punishment and claim it is less cruel than either medicating or restraining kids who self-injure, which is bullshit and completely dances around the fact that kids at the Judge Rotenberg Center get shocked for minor things) and they totally gloss over some pretty alarming signs. They, of course, claim I am totally high-functioning with no issues whatsoever, so to them, the side of me that has meltdowns and occasionally self-injures is also a cryptid, since apparently autistic people who can get a Master’s degree can’t have meltdowns. Even though I do get those from time to time. So one more cryptid point for meltdowns.

This is a random list of talents and abilities I have (just those, if you don’t feel like reading a list of talents, you can always skip that part)

I can do a perfect kitty meow (seriously, you would think there is a cat in there if you were in the room when I did it). And I can also stim (god, I wish autocorrect would use that as an actual word) by rhythmically tossing a ball back and forth without looking, and I can also produce songs simply by clicking my tongue. Yes, that’s a thing, although I’ve never seen anyone else do it. Believe me or not if you wish, but I’m not about to dox myself by putting up a video, especially since I don’t want to be blacklisted as a result of smear campaigns by ableist researchers. Three cryptid points right there. Four if you count me teaching myself some sort of impromptu gymnastics move at one point (well below Olympic level - it wouldn’t even qualify for a low-level gymnastics competition)- I have no idea what the hell that move looks like or what to call it. I only know how it feels, so don’t ask. 

Five cryptid points if you count the fact that on occasion the neuronal electricity from my hand jumps out and “pushes” a computer button before I even touch it - it’s not really a reliably controllable act, but it is a weird quirk I have, and that I share with my mom. The only reason that isn’t a problem is because it only seems to “push” a few types of buttons and coincides only with my hand approaching the button, never before that, which is how I know it’s nerve electricity and not a glitch. If you think that’s woo, don’t follow me - I never claimed to be able to teach anyone how to do that or to identify whether someone has that ability (unless they tell me and don't falsely claim to be able to control it only to show no such ability), and it’s not like I can sell that quirk for money, either. And I can’t control it anywhere near reliably enough to prove it scientifically, either, which is probably a big reason why abilities like that (along with telepathy, which I have only ever heard of in real life, mostly not from me but from others I know, as being a random, uncontrollable occurrence or else, as in one case, so laughably pathetic that pretty much any scientific test for telepathy will never detect said ability) were never officially found, so don’t hold your breath waiting for that kind of thing.

One more talent I have is this: after seeing Orlando Bloom as Legolas (I’m aroace, so I don’t have a crush on him and don’t get any ideas) do a catlike leap onto a rock, I tried that same move and got it right on the first try, even though I had read he found it difficult to do. But then again, he’s a foot taller than me, and he has an acquired disability from foolishly walking, sober, onto a thin piece of metal that could not support his weight, and falling three stories, so maybe it’s a cryptid point, maybe not, because being a foot shorter than the guy you see doing a catlike balance move would make it pretty easy to out-cat him any day. Especially since I would never make the kind of mistake he did, because from what I can gather, Orlando Bloom is a pretty cocksure guy (kind of like Legolas, really, personality wise - too bad they made him play what seemed to be an entirely different character than the one in the book who is probably more like Orlando Bloom than the Legolas Orlando Bloom played), and I am not cocksure. Obviously not literally, because I am cis female, and not metaphorically, either.

#emotional abuse #abuse #child abuse #dangerous animals #dangerous dogs #aba #actuallyautistic #special ed #special education #judge rotenberg center #jrc #tongue-in-cheek #but the story is true #not fictionalized