#pours out my 10+ years of emotions for this woman | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

irb-pascalito-99 · 3 months

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It Will Come Back

Pairing: javier peña x f!reader

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: infidelity, emotional manipulation, angst, smut, rough sex, physical violence

Summary: Eleven years after sleeping with his best friend’s girlfriend the night before his wedding, Javier Peña returns from Colombia. Despite the town welcoming him back as a hero, his return stirs up some old feelings.

A/N: This is Chapter Two of my fic Lips of an Angel. The whole fic can be accessed on a03.

~Eleven Years Later~

I cover my ears with my pillow to cover up the sound of the blaring alarm clock as it gets louder and louder. Carlos continues to snore beside me, completely oblivious to the intrusion. I push him lightly to try and wake him up, but he still doesn’t stir. I shove him again harder, nearly causing him to fall off the bed as he jumps awake.

He looks around the room in a daze and then reaches over to turn off the alarm on his nightstand. I hear him groan when he gets out of bed, stretching his muscles as he sits up. He turns one of the lights on to find his work clothes and change. I roll my eyes in annoyance when he leaves the bedroom and forgets to turn off the light.

I sigh and turn off the light myself, climbing back into bed while Carlos bangs around in the kitchen looking for something quick to eat for breakfast. A pair of headlights illuminates the bedroom wall as a truck stops in the driveway and waits for Carlos. He lets the front door slam behind him when he leaves.

For the next hour I toss and turn in the bed trying to fall back asleep, finally deciding to give up on the idea when the sun starts to rise. I take my time getting ready for the day. My first appointment isn’t until 10, so I spend time on my makeup and curl my hair.

I decide to dress up a little more than normal today considering how much I still have to get ready, picking out a long flowy skirt and a fitted black short sleeve turtleneck to go with it. I adjust my clothes in the mirror when I hear my phone buzz on the dresser. I see it’s from Carlos and quickly type out my response.

Carlos: Pick me up at 6 today?

Me: K

I check myself in the mirror one more time before heading into work for the day.

—

The dust from the dirt road leading up to the Peña ranch settles when I park the car. The house seems quiet still, so I expect Carlos and Chucho must still be out wrapping up chores for the day.

I get out of the car, the gravel crunching under my feet as I walk up to the porch of the old ranch house. When I walk up the steps I notice a light on inside the house. I go inside to see the broad shoulders of a man I knew a lifetime ago standing in front of the coffee pot on the kitchen counter.

The door makes a sound as it closes behind me, cau the man to turn in my direction. He looks over me from head to toe, a curious look of bewilderment turning to a smile as his eyes reach my face. He mutters my name. I freeze in my spot.

His soft brown curls and mustache remain the same as they were eleven years ago, but there are new lines on his face deep set from the stress he must have been dealing with in Colombia. There are also dark circles under his eyes as though he hasn’t had a proper night’s sleep in years.

“Javier,” I mumble. He leans against the counter with an amused smirk painted across his face. “You’re back.”

“Looks like it,” he grins. He pulls the cup of coffee he just finished pouring up to his lips.

I’m not sure what to say, or what it is exactly that I’m feeling right now. The last time I saw Javier Peña he was sneaking out my bedroom window, now he’s grinning at me as though nothing happened at all.

Javier left town the day of his wedding. The guests filed into the church as expected. They waited an hour for him to show up, and then Chucho arrived. He stood in front of the crowd and explained there would be no wedding. It was the biggest gossip in Laredo until Marco Sanchez left his wife for a younger woman the next year.

Lorraine moved to a nearby town after the failed wedding. Last I heard she had a husband and two kids, a boy and a girl. Life moved on, and Javier became the town hero, going after Escobar in Colombia. The only time he visited was about a year ago. The town was buzzing with talk about our hometown hero coming back for his cousin’s wedding, but I didn’t see him.

Now here he stands in front of me, a new man that vaguely resembles the one I knew. Part of me is so angry that he could just leave like that and come back like nothing happened. Yet at the same time my stomach twists in excitement at the sight of him.

“Is there another wedding I hadn’t heard about?” I ask, trying to remain calm. I push the feeling in my stomach away as I try to focus on the anger instead.

“No, I’m back for good this time.” Javier responds. He places his mug back on the counter and turns his full attention to me. “Sorry I missed yours though.”

I bristle at his mention of my marriage. He must’ve seen Carlos by now. Did he tell him what happened between us that night? I suppose he probably didn’t considering he doesn’t look bloodied or bruised. As if on cue, Carlos and Chucho walk into the house. They’re covered in a layer of dirt and sweat.

“Hey! Did you see who’s back?” Carlos asks when he sees me. He kisses the top of my head quickly and then goes to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.

“We were just catching up,” Javier tells Carlos, the evil grin returning to his face. “Speaking of, you two staying for dinner tonight?”

I bite my lip to fight from saying anything. I do not want to sit through dinner with this man. Avoiding him may be difficult, considering the existing friendship between Javier and my husband as well as the fact that Carlos now works for Chucho, but I’ll find a way.

“Sounds great!” Carlos leaps in. Javier claps his friend on the back, looking at me still as he goes to the fridge to pull out the ingredients for dinner.

—

Javier sits right across from me at dinner. At this point I’m convinced he’s just trying to mess with me. Like he’s trying to rile me up as much as he can before he spills our secret to the world.

His hand brushes mine as he passes me the hot sauce Carlos asked for. I flinch at his touch and then quickly grab the bottle from him. Carlos doesn’t notice the interaction, thanking me and shaking the hot sauce into his sopa.

I have a hard time engaging with the conversation throughout dinner. I try my best to focus on the food, and not the man sitting in front of me.

He acts completely normal throughout the whole thing. He smiles and nods as Carlos and Chucho discuss the ranch. He doesn’t look at me much throughout the meal, but he’s not ignoring me either. The only time Javier seemed uncomfortable during the meal was when Carlos brought up Colombia.

He shifts awkwardly in his seat when Carlos asks him questions about his time there. When he does answer Carlos he keeps the responses brief, providing as little information as he can. It seems odd that Javier Peña, the hero of Laredo, wouldn’t want to brag about his heroics. When Carlos keeps pushing for more information, Javier quickly changes the topic over to us.

“So how’s married life treating you?” He asks. He leans back in his chair and brushes a thumb over his mustache.

His eyes move off of Carlos and scan my face as Carlos jumps into explaining the details of our life. I try to keep my expression neutral, nodding my head along and acting as though I’m listening as my husband rehashes the story behind our struggles getting the house loan approved and my goal of starting my own salon. I refuse to give Javier any reaction. He does not get to know his effect on me.

“We’re thinking of starting a family soon though, so the salon might need to wait for a little longer.” I bite my tongue at Carlos’ remark.

I know Carlos is ready to start a family. He gets so excited talking about it, but I don’t think I am in the same place. The idea of having a child right now, or honestly at all, is terrifying to me. I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want a baby, especially not when it means putting off the salon to do it.

Javier must be able to see the strain in my reaction, because he looks at me with an almost sad look in his eyes. Is it because he can tell I don’t want it? Or is it something else?

Carlos reaches a hand over and places it on mine. He rubs circles in the back of my hand and squeezes as I tense beneath him. Javier’s eyes fall from my face to our hands. The sad look he has been giving me is immediately replaced with a clouded look of anger. His eyebrows twitch slightly and he clears his throat. He shifts his gaze back to me. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was jealous. A piece of me feels triumphant with this knowledge.

“Good for you,” Javier says before standing up from the table. “Excuse me, I’ll be right back.”

I watch Javier’s broad shoulders as he leaves the room, and Chucho and Carlos continue on like nothing happened.

—

Carlos brushes his teeth in the bathroom while I rub lotion on my legs. I can’t stop replaying the interaction with Javier in my mind.

He can’t have been back in town for long, Carlos would’ve said something if he saw him around the ranch. Is he really back for good? Having Javier in Laredo again, after what we did the night before his wedding, is certainly a risk for me. Who’s to say he wouldn’t tell Carlos what we did.

“Isn’t it great that Javi’s back in town?” Carlos shouts from the bathroom, the toothpaste in his mouth causing his voice to sound muffled.

“I guess so,” I respond. I rub lotion into my arms next.

I hear Carlos spit into the sink. He appears in the doorway a moment later with his toothbrush still in his hand.

“What do you mean you ‘guess so’,” Carlos asks. I shrug and put the bottle of lotion back on my nightstand.

“I just don’t know if I trust him,” the content seems to make Carlos even more confused. He goes back to the sink to finish brushing his teeth while I continue. “I mean, the way he left? I know him and Lorraine would never have been happy but, that just seems harsh. Not to mention he never even attempted to reach out after that.”

Carlos turns off the bathroom light and walks to his side of the bed. I get underneath the covers as he comes to join me.

“He had a lot going on in Colombia, and everything with Lorraine…” Carlos says in defense of Javier. He pulls the blankets over his legs. “It was hard for him to talk to anyone. He barely even talked to Chucho.”

“I get that, I’m just saying there’s nothing stopping him from leaving again. Maybe just don’t get your hopes up that he’ll be your best friend again is all.” Carlos takes in what I’ve said and nods.

He kisses my forehead and then reaches over and turns out the lamp. I lay down and shut my eyes to try and sleep, but Carlos wraps his arm around me. He moves his hand to the hem of my shirt and rubs circles into the exposed skin before.

“Did you want to-“ he starts to ask, but I shift away from him and pull my shirt down a bit over my exposed thighs.

“I’m sorry, I’m just really tired, long day. Another night?” Carlos shifts back to his side of the bed.,

Within minutes I can hear the loud gurgling sound of Carlos’ snores. I stare up at the ceiling as I try to sleep, my mind flooded with thoughts of Javi. Javi. Javi.

—

Nearly all of Laredo is gathered in the front yard of the Peña ranch when we arrive. It brings me back to the first time I came here, when I met Javier behind the barn.

It feels strange being at another party for Javier. I know I shouldn’t be this bothered by his presence. He’s been gone longer than I knew him when he was here, but I can’t ignore the feelings that started stirring again the second I saw him.

When I finally was able to fall asleep last night, I dreamt of him. I could feel his hands on my hips, the glorious stretch of him inside me. I woke up gasping for air, luckily Carlos was still asleep. Javier being back is trouble, and here I am celebrating his return.

The second we get out of the car Carlos takes my hand and drags me over to say hello to Javier. There’s a mob of people surrounding him. Practically every single girl in Laredo that isn’t related to the man is by his side trying to get his attention. Carlos pushes his way through the crowd and pulls Javier into a hug. When they pull away Javier pulls me into a hug as well.

A small shiver runs down my spine at his embrace. He smells like cigarettes and whiskey with a subtle musk underneath. I have to fight the urge to breathe in his scent more. Can he feel the way my body yearns to melt into his? His hand lingers on my shoulder after he lets me go.

I can’t hear what he and Carlos are saying over the rush of blood in my ears. What is wrong with me? I see the girls around us whisper amongst each other, passing glances in my direction and Javier’s hand on my shoulder.

I feel my head spinning as it all starts to become too much. I decide I have to get out of there, excusing myself and pulling my arm away from Javier so I can walk away. I don’t go anywhere in particular at first, just away from the crowd and the girls' judgemental stares.

I end up making my way back down the driveway and to the old hay barn. I fiddle with my purse and lean against the side of the barn where nobody can see me. I am royally screwed. I check nobody is coming up behind me before searching through my purse for my secret cigarette stash.

I was never an avid smoker before, but I’ve noticed I started smoking more frequently after Carlos told me I had to quit. He never cared about it before, but now that he wants to start trying for a baby, he’s been on me about things like cigarettes and alcohol. I’m smoking the cigarette behind the barn when a figure walks up to join me. I curse under my breath, about to stub out the cigarette on the bottom of my boot when I notice the figure is not Carlos. It’s Javier, standing in the very spot I stood when I met him the first time. He smiles at me as I try to shift away from him.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he says.

I ignore him, bringing my cigarette back to my mouth. I take a drag from it before I cross my arms and lean against the barn. When Javier stands beside me I force myself not to look at him, instead looking out upon the fields illuminated by the moonlit sky. He pulls out a cigarette of his own and looks over at me.

“Got a light?” He asks. I roll my eyes as I pass my lighter over to him. He lights his cigarette and passes me back the lighter. When I grab it from him our fingers brush.

“What happened to the fan club?” I ask, trying to distract myself from the way my heart skips at how close he is to me. Javier shrugs and blows a cloud of smoke into the air.

“Ditched them, you know me all that’s not really my thing.” He motions back to the party and takes another drag from his cigarette.

“I don’t though, not really.” I reply. He looks confused. “I don’t know you. You’re a guy that was friends with my husband when I first met him. You’ve been gone so long… I don’t know you Javier.”

He doesn’t seem to know how to respond. He just watches me as he continues to smoke. I finish my cigarette off and stub out the butt.

“That’s not completely true though, is it?” Javier asks. I snort in response. I can’t continue to run circles around the topic any more. I turn to him abruptly, shifting my eyes from the view of the fields to the chocolate brown of Javier’s eyes.

“What do you want?” I ask curtly. I try to keep myself calm, despite my heart continuing to hammer in my chest.

He seems shocked at my abrasiveness, the cigarette hanging from his lips. His eyebrows pinch together in confusion.

“Did I do something?” Javier asks. I scoff at his question.

What the hell does he mean? Is he really going to act like he has no idea why I might be angry? I thought it was all an act before, pretending nothing was different between us so that his father and my husband wouldn’t catch on, but he makes it seem as though nothing is different at all.

“You’re really just going to act like everything is normal? You’re just going to come back after talking to nobody for over ten years and play town hero?” I move my eyes back to the empty field and shake my head.

Javier puts out his cigarette and moves slightly closer to me. He leans against the barn beside me and puts his hands in his pockets.

“I didn’t realize you were mad about that,” he says. I snort and keep as much distance as I can despite Javier’s advances. “Why are you though? You said it yourself, we didn’t know each other that long. It’s not like I left you at the altar.”

I shoot him a look over my shoulder. Does he really not remember it? I know we were drunk, but there’s no way he was that drunk, right? I want to sink into the ground. Of course he doesn’t remember. Why did I even make a big deal about this?

“Because, you left everyone else to pick up the pieces,” I say flustered. I try to move the topic from me and hide my embarrassment over not even being good enough to remember. “I mean Carlos would never admit it but he was so hurt. You were his best friend and you didn’t even bother to call him.”

“I kind of had my own shit going on,” Javier huffs. He pushes away from the barn and takes a couple steps away. “Sorry you had to console your sad boyfriend, but it’s not like I could have called him. What would I have said, sorry I fucked your girlfriend and skipped town?”

I’m shocked when he finally says it out loud, the first admission from either of us about what we did and it’s over ten years later. He does remember. Javier keeps his back to me, his arms folded across my chest. My eyes scan the large expanse of his shoulders. I almost feel the butterflies swell again, but I push them down. He turns to face me again before he continues.

“Besides, it worked out pretty well for you didn’t it?” He has a new look on his face, an angry expression after having been called out on his absence. “You get to play housewife while the rest of us deal with the big shit.”

I scowl at him. Is that really all that he thinks I am? It hurts even more as I realize he might be right. What have I done since he left other than settle into a life with Carlos? Maybe it’s a fairytale life, but it’s comfortable enough.

I never had to deal with the consequences of what Javier and I did. I just ignored them and they went away with him. Now that he’s back, he’s a threat to the life I’ve built, but even worse he makes me question how much I even want it. Javier seems to recognize he hit the nail in the head, a cocky grin spreading across his face as he watches me reel from his comment.

“Fuck you Javier,” I spit.

“Pretty sure you already did sweetheart,” he hums, a sultry tone in his voice as his eyes roam my body once more. “But if you want to try for round two just let me know, I’m all yours.”

I scoff at his remark, dropping my stance as I look at him in shock. I feel my body start to shake in anger.

“You’re pathetic.” I say through gritted teeth. I turn to walk away but Javier grips my wrist and turns my body back to him.

“Is that what’s wrong? You’re feeling neglected because I fucked you and skipped town?” I try to push him away, but his grip is strong.

I open my mouth to tell him to let me go when he roughly grabs my face in his hands and drags his lips against mine. He hungrily kisses me while I remain shocked. Images of his hands cascading down my body flash through my head. When he pulls away he examines my face for a moment before I reach a hand out and slap him across the face.

He takes a step back, a shocked hand gripping the red mark that’s forming on his cheek. Before I have a moment to process what just happened or what I’m doing next, I reach forward and pull his lips to mine again.

He lets me take charge for a moment, still reeling from the slap, but once his brain catches up to what’s happening he backs me against the wall of the barn. The kiss is heated and sloppy. He pushes the straps of my dress down my shoulders slightly and pulls the top down so my breasts hang out. He squeezes one of my breasts in his hand as the other hand moves down to grip my hip.

He pulls his lips away from mine to flip me around, pressing my cheek against the weathered wood of the barn. Then he rips my panties off and shoves them in his pocket. I feel my dress bunch up around my hips, exposing my bare ass to the breeze. Javi slaps my ass hard and I suck in a breath as it stings. He smacks the other side as well and growls.

I wait in anticipation for him to reach his hand around to my clit, but instead I hear the jingle of his belt coming undone. He keeps one hand on my shoulder to pin me against the barn wall as the other undoes god tight jeans and pulls out his cock.

“You want this?” He asks. His voice is rough like sandpaper. I can’t form words at this point so I simply nod in response. I yelp as he shoves his entire length into me in one thrust.

He doesn’t give me any time to adjust, my pussy burning as I struggle to adjust to his size. He grunts into my ear as he thrusts into me hard and fast. His hand grips my hip, pushing and pulling me along his length while the other wraps around my throat.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight cariño. Haven’t had a cock like this in a long time have you?” I shake my head as much as I can. He makes a disapproving tsk tsk sound and thrusts into me again.

The pain turns to pleasure as he continues thrusting harshly into me, his hips slapping against my ass each time he pushes in. He grips my throat hard enough to stop any noises from escaping me while still ensuring I can breathe.

“¿Es esto que lo necesitabas, bebé? You need me to fuck you like the little slut you are?” I let out a whimper, feeling myself get wetter with his harsh language. “What was that baby? Tell me, tell me who’s making you feel this good.”

Javi releases my throat and grabs my shoulder so I can speak. I immediately let out a loud groan as he lets go. Thank god the party is so loud, otherwise I might be concerned someone would hear us.

“You Javi, fuck! Just don’t stop, please don’t stop.” My fingers scratch along the wood in front of me as I fight to grab onto something.

“That’s right, you like it like this. You like feeling like my little whore.” I’m just about to climax when Javi pulls out and flips me over. I let out an involuntary whine as he does. “Ohh, pobrecita, don’t worry. I’ll give you what you want. I just want to watch when you come undone.”

He pushes my back against the barn and shoves himself back inside me, knocking the breath out of me as he does. He watches my face as my eyes roll up and I throw my head back. He grabs one of my legs and wraps it around his hip while he continues bringing me closer to the edge. I feel my body shaking in anticipation as I get closer and closer to my orgasm.

“Who does this pussy belong to, huh? Who makes her clench like this so tight around my cock?” I groan and grasp his shoulders, unable to put together a coherent thought while he impales me. He smacks my breast and asks again. “I said, who does this pussy belong to?”

“You,” I moan. “You Javi, fuck. This pussy belongs to you. It’s yours, yours to do whatever you want.”

“Fuck yeah it is,” Javi brings one hand down so his thumb can rub circles on my clit as he continues his thrusts. It’s too much, but not enough at the same time. His thrusts become more erratic as he nears his own orgasm, panting desperately in my ear as he waits for me to let go first. “Come on baby, come for me.”

He applies a little more pressure to my clit, sending me over the edge as I groan wildly. He grits his teeth as he works me through my orgasm, staving off his own for as long as he can. When I start to come down from my high I go limp in his arms. He quickly pulls out of me and yanks on his cock a couple times before spilling his seed onto the grass.

I catch my breath, the reality of the situation sinking in as I watch Javier do the same. I am not a good person. I adjust my dress to cover myself again, the world turning into a blur around me. I hear the muffled sound of Javi calling my name. I turn to face him as I pull the straps off my dress back over my shoulders.

“This never happened,” I say and then I leave him there, in the spot where we first met, praying the wind doesn’t blow my dress up to expose me as I join the party again.

To Read More visit a03.

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smileydk · 7 months

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If all it is is 8 Letters, why is it so hard to say?

Pairing: NonIdol!Wonwoo x OC

Summary: Wonwoo and Jiwoo have been dating for almost a year now. Jiwoo has always been a lovable person, she never had a problem with saying "I Love You", but Wonwoo had a hard time expressing his emotions, and Jiwoo accepted it. But after a whole year of dating, she was growing impatient and slightly insecure about their whole relationship.

cw/tw: Fluff, slight Angst, Established Relationship

''Is it me? Am I the problem?'' Jiwoo asked as she had her usual rant with Mingyu. ''I mean, did I say it too early? Did I scare him off? Did he think that I'm some maniac who'll hunt him down if he breaks up with me?''

Mingyu was trying to not laugh as she complained. ''Calm down woman! He's head over heels for you, and I know it!''

Jiwoo, who was stuffing her face with strawberries from Mingyu's garden, looked at her friend. ''Look, I know you grew up with Wonwoo, but I doubt you can read him like an open book. He's literally like North Korea, nobody's getting inside those walls''

''Whatever'' Mingyu walked into his, ridicolously big, kitchen. He found a bottle of wine and shrugged. It was 6 p.m, it's fine to get drunk at that hour. He also dug out a few bottles of beer, since he wasn't a wine fan.

He found two wine glasses before he walked back out to his best friend.

He held up the glasses and the bottles and smirked.

''I love you'' Jiwoo mumbled and took one of the wine glasses.

Mingyu chuckled and looked at the wine bottle. ''I don't got a cork opener'' He thought for a few seconds before he grabbed with his hands before janking a few times. To both of their surprise the male managed to open it.

''God-fucking-damn, are you the fucking hulk?'' Jiwoo asked with wide eyes.

''No, but I saw someone do it on instagram a few weeks ago. Looked fun and easy''

Jiwoo raised an eyebrow. ''My turn'' She took one of the beer bottles, put the cap between her teeh and opened it.

''You need to teach me how to do that'' Mingyu exclaimed as Jiwoo handed him the bottle.

Jiwoo poured herself a glass before she sat back down in Mingyu's, very comfortable, couch.

''Now, tell me everything. I know you're troubled''

''I'm not drunk enough for that'' Jiwoo mumbled and shugged her glass of wine, before she poured another one and shugged that one as well. ''Whatever, uhm, well... Wonwoo has still not said "I love you", and generally that's not a problem, I know I'm a bit more... lovey, but uhm, it's been a whole year!''

Her friend nodded along as he drank his beer. ''Well- wait, you've fucked, more than once- hell you've fucked more than once in my bed! You live together, which by the way happened like... two months into your relationship, but he still hasn't said "I love you"?''

''How did you know I fucked Wonwoo in your bed?'' Jiwoo's eyes widened.

''He told me after we got drunk and I forced it out of him because I wondered why my sheets were changed''

Jiwoo groaned. ''I'm gonna kill him. Now, back to the problem, how come he's said he loves chocolate, strawberries, kimchi fried rice, sweet and spicy chicken, but not me! He calls me his love, love, princess, cupcake, kitten, sweethear, dear, every fucking pet name in the book!''

''It's a lot easier to throw around the word with food and things when it doesn't mean as much, but he actually likes you, a lot, so I guess he's afraid he'll scare you off with those words''

''I said I loved him after two weeks'' Jiwoo deadpanned and downed another shot of Soju.

''Well... that I have no explanation for''

Wonwoo: Hello love, when are you getting home?

Jiwoo: Uhm, soon. I'm just helping Mingyu out with some love problems. If you wanna go to bed, it's fine.

Wonwoo smiled at his phone. He decided to go to bed. He was tired and the clock was nearing 10 p.m. Sure, it was fairly early to go to sleep, but he wanted to sleep.

But he also wanted to wait up. He had something importan to tell Jiwoo. He had built up so much courage, and hyped himself up a lot, to say this. He was sure he could this time.

He had spoken to Jiwoo's best friend, and his friend, Seokmin. The two had grown up together, much like him and Mingyu, and he knew everything about the girl. He was sure he could help him with his love problems.

Earlier that day: At Seokmin's

''Seokmin-''

''Yah, what did I say about my own name''

''Dokeyom, sorry, whatever. Uhm, so... what do you think goes through Jiwoo's mind as our one year anniversary is around the corner, and uhm... I still haven't said the... three words''

Seokmin, Dokyeom dropped the beer bottle, made of glass, on the floor as Wonwoo finished his sentence. He turned to Wonwoo with wide eyes. ''What the fuck, man?''

Dokeyom didn't seem to care about his, now damaged, parquet floor. Or the glass he almost stepped in as he rushed up to his friend. Or the fact that the beer was soaking into the floor and ruining it.

Wonwoo looked at his friends like a deer caught in headlines. He slowly lowered the beer bottle in his hands. ''What!?''

''You've dated Jiwoo for a year! And you've never told her you love her? Didn't she say it after... like two weeks?''

''Well, yeah, but she's a lot more... lovey dovey than me! And you know it's hard for me to express my feelings!''

Dokyeom sat down next to his friend. ''Wonwoo, I know you've got a hard time expressing your feelings, and I know she accepted that you for all that, which is amazing, and she adores you more than anyone she's ever adored before. But if you don't grow a pair and tell her you love her soon, she's gonna feel unloved and leave''

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow as Dokyeom spoke. ''Aren't friends supposed to support each other?''

''I am! In a different way... come on! It's just eight letters, three words, one sentence, cheesy bullshit''

''If all it is is 8 Letters, why is it so hard to say?''

''Because this time, if you say it, it will actually mean something. You've said that you love a lot of things, food, material things and shit like that, but this time we're talking about a woman, whose only wish is to hear those three words from your lips, and that terrifies you. You think she's gonna run away, she's not! She loves you more than anything!''

''But-''

Dokeyom sighed and raised his hand. He might regret this later, but right now it seemed like a good idea. He smacked his friend across his friend with all he had.

''Ow man! What the fuck!?'' Wonwoo's eyes were wide as Dokyeom looked at his hand. He didn't wanna admit it, but it hurt to slap Wonwoo.

''I'm helping you! You need to grow a pair of balls and tell your dream girl that you love her, or she'll slip through your fingers''

''Okay!''

The following day the two woke up, one of them more hungover than the other one.

Wonwoo chuckled as he got up. Jiwoo turned over and pulled the covers over her head.

He walked into the bathroom and found some aspirin and water, he got his gift and walked back to the bedroom. ''Happy Anniversary, Princess'' Wonwoo smiled as he held out the small present for Jiwoo, as well as the aspirin.

''Good morning, my love, happy anniversary to you too'' She took the aspirin's and downed them with some water, before she took the gift and handed her own gift to Wonwoo.

Wonwoo opened his gift and found a black skeleton watch in it. He'd wanted the clock for so long, but he never told Jiwoo because it was nearly 200'000₩. Jiwoo however had forced Mingyu to tell her what he wanted so she could get it.

''Woah, I never told-''

''I forced Mingyu to tell me'' Jiwoo smirked as Wonwoo admired the clock.

Jiwoo opened her own present and found two necklaces. One was Yin and the other was Yang. A smile grew on her lips. ''I tried giving you a necklace when we met for the firs time, you know what you said to me? You wouldn't wear it because your friends would call you gay''

''And I realize how stupid that was, I would happily be called gay for you'' Wonwoo smiled and took the Yang part of the necklace. ''You're the light in my night''

''You're cheesy'' Jiwoo chuckled as he helped her putting on the necklace.

''Only for you''

''Thank you, I love it. And I love you'' She smiled and kissed his cheek.

''You missed'' Wonwoo mumbled and grabbed Jiwoo's jaw in a gentle manner. He turned her towards him and kissed her lovingly. Wonwoo smiled into the kiss as he held her face in his hands. She was so tiny compared to him.

As they pulled away Wonwoo didn't let go of Jiwoo's face. He simply held it and smiled. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes on. His thumb ran over her cheekbones as a smile rose to Jiwoo's lips as well.

''You're so beautiful, I-'' He took a deep breath. ''-really want some ice cream, I'll go buy some'' Wonwoo said in a rushed manner and quickly got off the bed and rushed out the room.

Jiwoo's smile dropped. She didn't know what she did wrong. Okay, it wasn't necessarily her fault, but still, she felt like it was somehow her fault.

She got changed and walked downstairs. Wonwoo was nowhere to be seen. She sighed before she headed out the door.

It was her one year anniversary with the most amazing boyfriend she'd ever had, but she was spending it walking to her best friend, in the pouring rain.

She knocked on the door and a second later Dokyeom opened the door. ''What the fuck do you want? It's before 11 a.m''

''Wonwoo just ran out on me after almost saying ''I love you'', and now I'm here because I do not know what I did wrong''

Dokyeom's eyes widened. ''What? He did what? I'm gonna kill that son fo a bitch!''

''No! Don't! I love him, a lot, but I just... I- I just want to hear one "I love you", is that too much to ask?''

Dokyeom didn't reply. He was on his phone. It was ringing. Jiwoo grabbed the phone and threw it against the wall. ''No!''

''Jiwoo! That was new!'' The man exlcaimed and ran over to his phone, which was surprisingly not broken.

''Dokyeom! That is my love life!'' Jiwoo exclaimed in the same tone. ''Look, I know you wanna solve it, but I don't want you to tell Wonwoo. I wanna tell him myself, because otherwise he'll think I'm a little bitch who tells you everything''

''You are and you do'' Dokyeom replied without looking up from his phone.

''I know! But he doesn't need to know that. Besides, I don't want to rush him into this. I know his love life before me was shit. And I respect that. I just... I need some kind of... approval, no... some kind of verbal confirmation that the man loves me! I'm an attention whore!''

''I know''

Jiwoo glared at her friend. ''I- fine, you're right. I'm just gonna head home and wait for Wonwoo to come back home''

Dokyeom sighed. He loved his best friend, and he usually teased her for everything she ranted about, but right now she actually seemed very down. And he'd never seen her so down about her relationship. It almost annoyed him that the two seemed to have such a fairytale-like relationship, and if it wasn't this serious, he would enjoy this little bump, but this seemed to be all or nothing.

He walked over to Jiwoo and held out his arms. Jiwoo smiled and wrapped her, very wet, arms around his neck in a hug. Dokyeom wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her tightly.

''He loves you, okay. You guys are soulmates''

Jiwoo pulled away and chuckled. ''Thank you, you might be an asshole, but you know what to say when it's needed''

The man winked before he ushered her to stand up. Jiwoo continued chuckling and put her, drenched, jacket back on. ''See you later?'' Dokyeom nodded and waved at her as she walked back into the rain.

As she walked through the rain a train of thoughts crossed her mind. What if Wonwoo didn’t actually love her? Or what if he never actually liked her? Maybe he just-

No, positive thoughts. Dokyeom and Mingyu both told her that Wonwoo loved her more than anything. He was head over heels for her and she assumed he’d tell the two more about… those things.

She reached their shared house and unlocked the door. She spotted Wonwoo’s wet shoes and she heard the shower running.

Jiwoo walked upstairs and changed into one of Wonwoo’s hoodies and a pair of spandex shorts.

As her boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, towel around his hips and water running down his chest, Jiwoo looked up from her phone.

''Hey''

''Hey, uhm, sorry for earlier. I just- it’s hard. And I know it’s been a year''

Jiwoo knew this was stupid. If she was a rational person, she wouldn’t have blurted out what she did next.

But then again, she wasn't a rational person.

''Don’t you love me? It’s okay if you don’t, just tell me now so I won’t go around and believe something else''

Wonwoo sighed. ''Jiwoo, don’t be ridiculous-''

''Am I really being that ridiculous? We’ve been dating for a year. You’ve used every single pet name in the book on me, we’ve fucked, countless times, we know basically everything about each other including past, disgusting relationships, and you always tell me how much you love food, material stuff and such, but not me. I know I said I won’t rush you, but it’s been a year Wonwoo. I am a patient person, but never hearing someone saying that they love you, when you live together? After a while even the most patient person starts to lose it!''

A sigh left her lips. She felt bad. She didn’t mean to say all that. Especially not scream it in his face. But after a few weeks of bottling it up, she just exploded.

Wonwoo didn’t know what to do. She had a point. And he really did want to tell his dream girl that he loved her. That she was everything he’d ever dreamt of, but for some reason, whenever he’s about to say it, his throat just closes up and he can’t.

Maybe it’s trauma from his past relationships, or it’s just him not being a very emotional person.

Regardless he felt bad for his girlfriend. She was amazing in every aspect. She always told him how much she loved him, she always gave him space when needed, she there for him when his mother died. She really was everything he could ever want him a girlfriend.

He loved her. He did. More than anything. But he’s never been good with words, and apparently that’s not about to change anytime soon.

Jiwoo sighed and stood up. ''Look, I’m not breaking up with you. Especially not on our anniversary, but I think I’m gonna stay at Dokyeom’s for a day or two. Call me when you want me back home''

She felt bad. She knew he had a lot of trauma from past relationships. Cheaters, abandonment, pushy hi girlfriends, and a few who left him after he, apparently, said ''I love you'' too early. But she was also growing sick of waiting.

She stood up and headed out of the room. Wonwoo could only stare as she walked.

Why was he such a wreck?

Jiwoo put her shoes back on, and shuddered slightly as they drenched her socks within the second. She opened the door and stared at the rain for a short moment.

She pulled out her phone and sent Dokyeom a quick text. The walk to Dokyeom wasn't long, it only took about 10 minutes, but when it was pouring down, like it was right now, ten minutes felt ike an eternity. And JIwoo was a ridicolously slow walker. Sometimes.

Wonwoo snapped out of his frozen state when his phone dinged.

Dokyeom: What the hell dude? What did you say to her? And why is she on her way here, walking in the pouring rain, again

Wonwoo: I didn't do anything! Which might be the problem...

Dokyeom: Jeon Wonwoo, if you don't run after her, I might actually strangle you with my bare hands

Wonwoo stared at his phone. Dokyeom was right. And he was scary when he was mad, since he always acted like a sunshine.

He put on some clothes before he fell down the stairs, he'd forgotten his glasses in the bathroom, on the sink. ''Fuck, whatever''

He got his shoes and opened the door before he closed and locked it. He was celebrating, in his head, the fact that he was almost a foot taller than his girlfriend, and generally just faster than her.

But just to be sure, he broke into a blind sprint. He was slowly regretting not getting his glasses before this But that was too late anyways.

Jiwoo turned around as she heard someone behind her.

She spotted her blind boyfriend running. She chuckled as he squinted his eyes in a, failed, attempt to see anything. They both knew it was meaningless as he was blinder than most people.

As he was about to pass her, she reached out and grabbed him.

''Hello?''

''Jiwoo? Gosh- fuck, I should've brought my glasses'' Wonwoo cursed as he ran his hands all over Jiwoo's face, causing her to giggle.

''Wonwoo, what in the world are you doing? And- did you fall down the stairs?''

''Maybe...'' Wonwoo smiled sheepishly.

''Wonwoo...'' She ran her thumb over his cheekbone, which was slwoly turning into the wrong color. ''...I'm sorry-''

''It's not your fault. It's my fauly, I'm chasing you blindly, literally'' He flashed a goofy smile and laid his hands on her shoulders. ''Look, you got your rant, now it's my turn''

''Go for it''

''Kim Jiwoo, you're the most amazing person I've ever met. You've been patient for me now for a year, you've been with me for a year despite the fact that I seem to be unable to express those three words, and I've never been more greateful for anything in my life. You're always there when I need you, and you might be short, but you always seem to be ready to defend me and my honor. I... really, really like you, a lot''

Jiwoo smiled as he spoke, staring blindly past her head. ''I'm sorry for yelling earlier''

''You had every right to. I called you ridicolous, which you weren't. It's totally reasonable to doubt someone's love if they've never expressed it verbally''

''I don't need you express it verbally, I know you love me'' Jiwoo's smile softened as his hands slowly found her cheeks.

He cupped her face and ran his thumbs over her cheekbones. It was some weird habit he picked up after realizing how tiny her face was in comparison to his hands.

''I know it's cliché, but I've always wanted to kiss someone in the rain'' Wonwoo admitted sheepishly.

Jiwoo chuckled. ''Then I shall grant your wish''

She stood on her tippy-toes while Wonwoo leaned down slightly. He decided it was probably better if Jiwoo did the job so he wouldn't headbutt her, or poke her eye out with his lips.

As their lips met a loud cheer could be heard. They both recognized the voice as Dokyeom's. A moment later his scream was heard again, this time a lot more high pitched.

''Mingyu! Put me down! I'm two months older than you!''

''You're ruining their "Notebook" moment! And uhm, now, I'm gonna throw you on the floor''

''No!'' The door closed and Jiwoo could only guess what was happening behind those doors.

As the door closed Wonwoo wrapped his arms around Jiwoo's waist to pull her closer. Jiwoo smiled and wrapped her arms around the man's, ridicolously wide, shoulders.

As they both pulled away they chuckled. ''Why are we friends with them again?''

''Because we got stuck with them in junior high''

Jiwoo chuckled. ''Wanna go inside and lay down on Dokyeom’s new, white couch?''

''Duh''

The two walked inside Dokyeom's house, by force, and burst out laughing as they spotted Mingyu... sitting on top of Dokyeom to make sure he wouldn't ruin out and ruin their moment.

What might surprise people was the fact that this was completely normal to happen.

''Yah! I know what you're about to do, and don't you fucking dare!''

Jiwoo and Wonwoo smirked as they both eyed his new, white couch. Laying down on a new, white couch might be the same as asking for a death wish, but it was funny messing with him.

''Three'' Wonwoo smirked

''Two'' Jiwoo copied.

''One'' They chorused an threw themselves on his couch.

A shriek of horror left Dokyeom's lips, and somehow he managed to shove Mingyu from his back. He stood up and rushed towards his two friends. He quickly shoved Wonwoo of the couch and turned to Jiwoo.

''Okay, she's scary. Wonwoo, get rid of her!''

''Nah man, if you want her off your couch, that's on you''

Dokyeom sighed and shoved the girl off his couch, before hiding behind Mingyu and Wonwoo.

The girl stood up and narrowed her eyes at her friend, before chuckling. ''Sorry... uhm, I think we should head home'' She shivered slightly.

Wonwoo chuckled and nodde.d ''Your lips are blue''

''Yours are red, let's make purple'' Jiwoo replied in a teasing tone.

''Nuh-uh! You're not fucking in my house. Mingyu's bed was enough''

Jiwoo chuckled. ''Funny you say that, when I was asked to water your plants this summer, when you were in France, uhm-''

''No! Please say you're lying!'' Dokyeom looked horrified. ''I hate you guys, out!''

Wonwoo and Jiwoo were pushed out the door, quite literally, which caused them both to laugh loudly.

The rain poured down on them, since South Korea seemed to have some kind of rain period during this season.

''Let's dance!'' Jiwoo exclaimed and grabbed her boyfriend's hands and started spinning them both around in the open road.

The man still couldn't see jackshit, but he was just happy his girlfriend was happy. And judging by the loud giggles, which was like music to his ears, she was very happy in that exact moment.

As Jiwoo got a bit dizzy, she slowed down. As they slowed down Wonwoo pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. Despite them both being freezing, they stood in the rain, in the middle of the road, hugging.

''I love this, but I'm so fucking cold'' Jiwoo stuttered as her teeth clattered.

Wonwoo pulled away from the embrace and laid one of his arms around her shoulders.

''I love you'' He mumbled quietly. He wasn't turned to Jiwoo, it didn't seven seem directed to her, but they knew it was.

Jiwoo smiled widely. She didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it. But on the inside she was cheering and screaming happily.

''I love you too''

#wonwoo #jeon wonwoo #seventeen fluff #seventeen #seventeen oneshot #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo oneshot #fluff oneshot #oneshot #fluff #kpop x reader #wonwoo x reader #kpop fluff #mingyu #dk #dokyeom #kpop oneshots

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pasharuu · 1 year

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THIS IS THE FIRST PART.

idk why but i wanna show tumblr my aranara quests themed custom tarot deck lmao. i finished it in february but since i created this acc just recently, i gotta put it here now. im just really proud of this project and the fact that i actually finished it.

unfortunately tumblr will only allow me to add 10 pics per post, while there are 23 cards, so that kinda sucks. will have to separate em it seems. i'll also explain a little about my choices on these. so here we go, first ten.

0 the fool - "where the journey begins". i think its already a tradition to put some main figure on the fool card and so did i. glad i used his correct design for the card-

basically theres nothing to explain except for the monarch butterfly symbolism, which usually is a sign of a chosen. not like Arama is any "chosen" in a common sense, but i felt like adding this anyway. 6/10 nice Arama card.

I the magican - creation and manipulation. Aranimba got here for his exclusive sense of beauty and the will to create the beauty. he is an artist after all.

the story of the bg is kinda wonky. it was at release of 3.4 and due to my disappointment i made a pic where Aranimba points at that shiny cave northwest the mt. damavand with excitement. well, now its a boss enterance, but back then i had no clue, i made it literally at the release day lol. but it worked well on the bg of this card. i think you wouldnt guess it was that cave if i didnt tell, and that was done on purpose as well. 8/10 for backstory, and im proud of this card overall.

II the high priestess - waiting for the impulse from outside, confidence. first of all, the high priestess to me was always associated with some whimsy loud woman, and if you ask me, this is where Arapacati fits. however here she is depressively hugging a viparyas cuz she kicked her brothers a decade ago and now shes sad. what did i tell u about whimsy woman? 6/10, solid.

III the empress - the mother, fertility, the birth of a new. THIS IS WHERE WE STARTED, THE MAMA. no need to explain why i put Rukkhadevata here? 6/10, i struggled with this card cuz i hate drawing people, but it came out solid imo.

IV the emperor - the father, discipline, responsibility. to remind you, Araja is basically the one who runs the Vanarana dream realm, the tree of dreams. he is also here for a very simple reason because of being a big boss here, and looking like one as well. 7/10, nice mustache.

V the hierophant - attention to visible and invisible, search of the essence. if you ask me why i put Arapandu here, theres my answer - because he was the only major character who didnt have a card in the process of planning. i have some really vague explaination why exactly on hierophant, its mostly because of Varunastra actually, not Arapandu. i honestly dont have any emotional connection to Arapandu, he's kinda boring. 4/10.

VI the lovers - chosen by heart, determination and aspiration. ONLY BECAUSE OF SUCH INTERPRETATION. im against shipping aranara x anyone.

i think i wouldnt even make any better choice for this card whatsoever. they are here because they share dreams and aspirations and i really love their duet. 9/10 i teared.

VII the chariot - knowledge of the world, searching for the new. these goofy guys are here mostly because of "searching for the new", even though their methods were unsafe and archon knows what would happen to these dummies without any sense of self-preservation if we werent around. fact: they've been wondering for at least 4 years, but i love to say a decade. nay, theyre just very lucky. 5/10.

VIII justice - "play nice, and others will play nice with you". this is a card for Nara Varuna specifically and i decided to make both Lumine and Aether so that everyone will be satisfied. since Nara Varuna did nice in the past, all the aranara praise their name in the present.

the bg is again kinda symbolic. these are runes on Varuna contraption: "the water", when the rain pours, for Lumine, and "the sky", when its sunny, for Aether. i only hate how i made them so vague that theyre barely recognizable eh. but overall good cards, 6/10.

THATS ALL FOLKS.

for now. i bumped into images limit. gotta complete it in the next two posts!!!

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justaaveragereader · 2 years

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I’m Not The Only One // WY

You’ve been attached to the hip since the age 10 and got married at the age of 20. Three years into marriage you realize that your husband has his eyes on another woman. You and a close friend of his hatch a plan to get even.

“You say I’m crazy. Cause you don’t think I know what you’ve done.” - Sam Smith

🌹Pair: Wooyoung x Reader, Hints of Yunho

🌹Genre: Angst, Slight Thriller

🌹Word Count: 2.7k

🌹Warnings: Cheating, Emotional Breakdown

🌹Authors Note: This is my first EVER fic, so I’m nervous! I love me some Ateez they are definitely my #1 group (multi stan) but they are for sure my favorite! I’m going to make this a two parter. Both parts will be based off of a song. I HIGHLY recommend listening to Sam Smith - Not The Only One while reading as this fic is what it is based off of. I really really hope you enjoy it! Part 2 is now up💗🌹!

There you stood..tears slowly pouring into the cupcake mix. Curious as to how this even all started between them, yesterday was just extra confirmation. The way he looked at her..he used to look at you like that. So much care and love in his eyes, laughing at every joke she said even when it was not funny. You couldn’t help but feel envious, heartbroken and slightly amused for what was yet to come. You gave Wooyoung the best years of your life. You both had met when you were ten years of age. Thick as thieves, No one was shocked when he kneeled down and proposed at the age of twenty and here you were, three years later..in your big house that constantly felt empty. He said she met her at the gaming lounge with Sannie. “Just gaming friends babe” is what he constantly told you. Naive at first you believed it. You ignored all those red flags. Until Yunho was tired of watching from the sidelines, the constant flirting between the two in front of him constantly made him physically ill. You will forever be grateful to Yunho for making you take your rose colored glasses off and showing you what was truly happening. Woo always shook it off denying anything going on between the two of them, calling you crazy but he couldn’t make it anymore obvious.

Tilting your head back to swallow the tears you had been pouring out the last hour and a half. Forcing a smile on your face. “Hello!” you answered cheerfully like you had not just been crying so hard your chest had hurt. “Baby! I am going to be a bit late! San decided to stop and get flowers for his mom.” You know he was with her. You weren’t dumb.. Once upon a time you were hopelessly in love but not dumb. His voice spewing out lie after lie was driving you up the wall, physically making you ill. You let out a soft chuckle, amused by the lies he constantly loved to tell you. “That's no problem. I am just baking.” you replied while leaning on the kitchen counter, exhaling and rubbing your hand over your forehead. “You are the best gorgeous. I love you.” “I love y-” He had hung up before you could even finish your sentence which you were happy that he had. You couldn’t possibly choke down another fake i love you to him. It was emotionally draining , you tightly gripped your phone, taking a deep breath in. Staring ahead to the living room remembering all of yesterday, the sparks between the two, anyone could feel it. Yesterday was just extra clarification to let you know what you truly needed to do.

“San grab the damn platter!” Woo yelled. While trying to balance board games in his hands. “No one told you to grab twister and Yahtzee! No one likes Yahtzee Woo!” With a smack of his lips San grabs the meat platter and trails behind Woo. Y/N looked up from the current conversation she was holding with Yunho and her eyes trailed over to Woo who walked in sporting the biggest smile, like always. Yunho looked down at Y/N and his eyes flickered over to Woo. Everyone but Mingi knew what Woo was doing to Y/N but yet no one but Yunho had the nerve to even attempt to save her. Yunhos smiled faded once he realized Woo wasn’t even glancing your way. His eyes trailed over to Mila the girl Woo was now head over heels for. Yunho saw your armor cracking day by day while your armor was cracking his heart was breaking for you. Gritting his teeth, he tapped your shoulder “Should we join everyone on the floor?” He said while flashing his pearly teeth. You drew your attention back to Yunho..”Oh..of course!” You tried to put on a genuine smile but it was so hard you had watched your husband fall for another girl right in front of your own eyes, getting the extra clarification was just the stamp of approval for everything. Plopping on the floor next to Yunho..trying to muster up the best smile you could.

“And that’s when I said! You can’t swim with sharks Woo!” Mila barked out gripping her stomach laughing. Woo doubling over letting out his squawk of a laugh. While everyone looked at you, letting a pity smile through, San letting out an awkward chuckle. While Yeosang played with the string on his sweatpants, Hwa was layering cheese on his crackers, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Hongjoong looked back and forth between Woo and Mila, slowly his gaze fell upon his slightly chipped painted nails. Jongho nervously flashed his gummy smile..”That's my Hyung thinking he can swim with sharks.” He chuckled nervously. Yunho looked down at you, stone cold dissociating from the current events taking place right in front of you. It’s like Yunho could see the wheels turning in your head. “Y/n Y/n...? Y/N!” You faded back into reality, looking up and smiling at Mingi. “Yea Mingles?”. “I just wanted to see if you were going to be going to the gaming lounge with us tomorrow?” It got deadly quiet...you were positive you could hear everyone's heart beating at how quiet it was. Your eyes flickered to Woos and Milas..they both stared at you so intensely. You flashed your eyes over to Yunho who was staring Woo down, he let out a small chuckle. You put on the biggest fake smile you could.

“No sorry Mingles. I have loads of chores to do around the house.” He frowned..”I have an idea! Why don’t we help out! That way you can come!” He smiled so big his eyes shut. You noticed Milas hands had shook like she was nervous hearing Mingi confirming whether or not you would be coming along. “NO!” Woo shouted. Everyone turned their heads, staring at him. Woo slightly coughed, desperately trying not to look suspicious but failing miserably, clearing his throat. “You know how OCD she is about her cleaning! She knows she can always catch up with us another day. Right baby?” He flashed his smile at you. Milas jaw tensed up at hearing him call you baby. Mustering up the best smile you could..you looked him in the eyes, slightly tilting your head to the right “Of course Woo.” Mingi slightly nudged you with this elbow “Please?” He said with such a sad look on his face. His eyes flashed up to Yunho then back down at you. “It's been so long since we’ve all hung out..it's been six months now..you are my friend too.” Yunho let his eyes roam over Woo staring what felt like straight into his soul “Y/n is a friend to everyone here. No one could replace her. If she doesn’t attend I might not even go. Hate to have someone in our friend group not come.” He spoke with a passive aggressive tone. Mingi looked up at Yunho, following where his eyes were occupied. Mustering up a smile, you patted Mingi on the back “I promise next time.” Sticking your pinky out and smiling genuinely at Mingi. He started pouting and held up his pinky to lock with yours. “Next time! You promised, so don’t forget or I will cry.” “He means that too!” Yeosang spoke up, flashing a half smile your way.

“A promise is a promise..I would never break one.” You silently whispered to Mingi. “Aww that sucks! I was really hoping us girls could be closer!” Mila suddenly spoke up with a fake sad pout on her face. Woo smiled as soon as she spoke, instant reaction. If anyone told you that you would be sitting in the same room as your husband's not so secret, very obvious mistress, you would’ve told them that they obviously don’t know your husband well enough..but as those thoughts clouded your brain you realized you didn’t even know your own husband well enough.

You slightly tilted your head to the side smiling at her “Anyone need something out of the kitchen? I’m a little thirsty.” Y/N said while getting up and dusting off their pants. Everyone quietly refused. Yunho watched you walk away with your head held high and even though he knew you were cracked on the inside, not broken, you would never let anyone notice. As soon as you were out of earshot. Yeosangs hand swiftly came up, thumping Woo in the back of the head. Wincing slightly Woo rubbed his head shooting daggers at Yeosang. Yunho's face shriveled up, shooting daggers at Woo, while Hongjoong rubbed his hands over his face. Jongho looking down and picking at his nails, Hwa stuffing a cracker in his mouth while looking between Woo and Yeosang, San looking anywhere but his members. Mingi looked at his group of friends folding his legs up to his chest, feeling the shift in the air, making himself feel small. He could feel that something was going to change within their group dynamic..but he couldn’t exactly place his finger on what it was. He knew something was brewing, now he was just waiting for everything to boil over.

The pre heated oven beeping had brung you out of your thoughts. Blinking rapidly..you let a small smile creep on your face while wiping your tears. Only if Woo knew that you knew not only did Yunho and Mingi not attend the gaming lounge after yesterday's events, none of the boys did. You knew he was with her, the long nights of him coming home, you could smell her on him. Did he really think you were that blind...naive at times? Yes, stupid? Not in the slightest. You let out a small laugh which turned into you hysterically laughing, laughing so hard tears were pouring out of your eyes..you don’t know if they are tears of laughter or tears of pure heartbreak and realization. You let your hands run over your hair. Looking into the glass on the oven door...looking at your current state..eyeliner running down your cheeks, mascara smudged, your wicked smile painted on your face, truly looking like a scorned lover, insane. While continuing to look in the reflection. You decide you are in the mood for a much needed drink you waltz to your liquor cabinet. Sipping straight from the tequila bottle. Slowly the liquor was doing wonders on your body and giving you liquid courage. You push yourself off your kitchen counter...eyeing your and Woos wine glasses, the ones you sipped from on your wedding night, the ones you vowed over, promised over. A blind rage mixing with the liquor pumping in your veins. You grab your wine glass and pour Tequila in it. “For better or for worse! Sickness and health! For rich or for poor! You yell while raising the glass in the air, pouring the liquor from your glass in your mouth, suddenly you throw your wine glass at the wall screaming, letting out the pent up anger in your body surface. You shove all glasses from the cabinet, hearing them crash at your feet, sounding like the most beautiful music. Smiling wickedly, you open more cabinets as you throw all your wedding glass dishware that you saved from that special day on the kitchen floor. Letting out screams of frustrations, screams of being heartbroken, screams of defeat because you dedicated so many years to him.

Opening every cabinet, you can in the kitchen and throwing the glass on the floor. Tears are pouring down your face, while you laugh menacingly. The glass crashing, while letting out heart wrenching sobs, You saved his wine glass for last..reaching up to grab it. Looking at an object with so much hate and disgust, you drop it hearing the glass shatter sends shivers up your spine. It's all sounding like the most beautiful symphony you have ever heard. The sweet symphony is cut short when you hear your phone ring. Pulling your head out of the current events you answer without even noticing who was calling. “Hello?” you answer, trying to catch your breath. “Baby! I will be home in about 30 minutes. While I was coming back from picking up dinner I got a flat. Don’t worry though, it's fixed! Also I picked up dinner!” He says with a slight laugh in his tone. Woo goes on talking in that loving voice which you have grown to realize that you hate. Your eyes flash to the clock on the oven realizing that almost two hours have passed by. You smile “Oh how generous of you Woo.” you say while rolling your eyes. First it was San who was getting flowers. Now it’s coming back from picking up dinner? “Well love, I will see you in 30 minutes.” you quickly hang up. Looking at the glass on the floor...you wickedly smile again. Waltzing over to grab the broom you start cleaning with the biggest smile plastered on your face. This was it you thought, your armor has finally cracked, your mental state is now in shambles, you’ve officially lost your mind you think while a smile continues to break across your face. You spin the broom around like it is a person while silently laughing. Catching another glimpse of yourself in the oven door. You realize you have to clean up your face, quickly you rush off to the bathroom and fix your makeup, reapply your perfume, while taking a long swig from the tequila bottle, and brush your teeth to get rid of the liquor smell that was heavy on your breath. Just as you were making your way to the kitchen while adjusting your shirt.

You hear Woo pull into the driveway. Putting up the tequila and grabbing your mixing bowl and whisk which you had neglected for hours. You make your way to the front door, flicking on your front porch light to greet Woo. Opening the door slowly with a huge smile on his face “Hello baby!” He greets you with open arms, bags of take out in one hand and his bag in the other. You forcefully smile “Welcome home my love.” you place down the mixing bowl full of cupcake batter, slowly lifting your arms to put around his neck. While leaning in you notice the slight foundation smudge on his collar, rolling your eyes you hug him back. “I’ve had the longest day!” Woo says while placing his bag down and carrying the takeout to the kitchen. Hearing his voice get smaller and smaller as he walks away. You walk up to the front door, looking across the street, locking eyes with Yunho who is sitting in his car. You give him a thumbs up. He throws his head back on his headrest and lets out a chuckle, eyes dragging back over to you slowly.

The eye contact between the two of you darkens and you both let a wicked smile grow on each other's faces, smiles so big it resembles the Cheshire cat. “Honey, are you coming?” Wooyoung says while walking towards you, he puts his hands on your waist. You throw him a simple and breathless yes, while smiling and staring at where Yunho was parked. Wooyoung looks down and notices your big bright smile. 'What's got you smiling so big baby?’ he questions while internally you want to vomit. “I’m just happy is all.” You say while letting out a soft sigh, dropping the smile you were giving Yunho and settling for a more subtle smile. “Come on, let's go eat.” He says with a small tug to your waist retreating to the kitchen again. You step back in the house, before flicking off your porch light. Yunho starts his car, before he drives off he throws a wink your way. Flicking off the porch light..you can still make out his eyes in the darkness that are staring straight at you. He starts to pull off, while he’s driving off down the street you hear his menacing laugh in your ears echoing down the dark street, resembling the laugh you were letting out earlier in your kitchen. You step back in your house silently humming to yourself while walking to the kitchen with a wicked grin on your face.

“You say I'm crazy

'Cause you don't think I know what you've done

But when you call me baby

I know I'm not the only one.”

I love the thriller vibe of Yunho😭💗! I swear I can see him playing a villain/bad guy in a drama! So what are we thinking, what are our thoughts? Who do you think in Ateez would be the perfect villain/bad guy in a drama?

Thank you so much for reading🫶! Part 2 is now up and posted!

👇 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

I’m Not The Only One // YH Part 2

DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY.

#ateez #wooyoung #ateez yunho #wooyoung angst #angst #ateez fanfic #wooyoung x reader #wooyoung fanfic #ateez x reader #ateez atiny #yunho x reader #yunho angst #jung wooyoung

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russosafehaven · 1 year

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Setbacks - 10

Pairing: Jigsaw!Billy Russo x Fem!Reader

Content: Verbal Abuse, Yelling, Evil Step-Parent trope except I name drop my abusers, Guilttripping, Flashbacks in Bold, SH, Suicide, All the fun stuff, Child gets thrown across a room

POV: Second

BR Taglist: @snowkestrel @judig92 @k-marzolf

Setbacks Taglist: @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend

The step parents names are the names of my real past step parents who were my abusers. Because I’m not afraid to name drop them, it’s a in fiction and as it’s not their full name, in the eyes of the law it’s not defamation

When your dad first introduced you to Margo you didn’t know what to expect. The woman was all curves and had a bleached pixie cut. On top of all of it she was loaded. When you first met her she brought you everything you wanted.

You were sitting down on the king sized bed she had gotten you for your bedroom. She was sitting behind you, brushing your hair. The knots made it hurt as she yanked the bristles through. Like any 4 year old you were crying, begging her to stop because the pain was simply too much. Instead of gently calming you she picked you up, throwing you across the bed and you landed against the wall. Small body falling down to the floor. Everything ached.

“That’s what brats get”

She was a monster in your eyes. On the other side of the country back with your mother, her partner wasn’t much better. When you had returned to your home with her back in New York your step-father, Brian, had killed your guinea pigs. Your fragile heart couldn’t take it, you mourned for weeks. Megan was your favourite boy, the guinea pig was your best friend and he was named after the girl in My Little Pony. It hurt now that he was gone.

Weeks later you were still upset and when dinner was served you didn’t eat. Not only because of the pain of grief but because you hated what was served. Fried rice with egg and mushroom, two of your least favourite foods. The smell and texture disgusted you. Children were picky and when you refused to eat your step-father grabbed you by the wrists, shoving you outside in the pouring rain with your plate. Telling you to eat or starve.

His abuse didn’t diminish when you grew up either. It got worse, he would yell whenever you wanted to spend time with your mother. Claiming that you were eight years old and didn’t need her. So you turned to books, the complex stories became your home. Your favourite being the Chronicles of Narnia. At night you’d wish on the stars, asking Aslan to send you Prince Caspian to saved you. Every damsel in distress was saved by a Prince after all.

When the movies came out you watched them on repeat. Falling in love with the screen portrayal of Caspian. You’d talk to him when you were alone, pretending he was there looking after you. When Brian called on you to make his coffee, you would act like Caspian was helping you.

All these years after those events and you were still affected. Even if you didn’t remember them clearly you could remember the feeling. The emotions that were evoked when certain smells or weather patterns arose. Miles had brought you a DVD copy of Prince Caspian and you watched it with him. Sometimes you’d chime in with a story of your childhood. How you imagined Caspian saved you after your step-father called you pathetic for crying when a horse bit you. The teenager felt heartbroken when you spoke of your past. A bright smile on your face like it was the happiest memory ever. He wondered how you did it.

When Billy walked into the room covered in stains of blood he couldn’t wash out Miles gave him a thumbs up. Letting the man know you were okay. As he turned back to the screen he couldn’t help but notice how Caspian looked like a younger version of Billy. The same facial structure and eye colour.

“You got your prince…”

Miles muttered under his breath, quiet enough so you didn’t hear. Billy walked over to you, sitting on the floor so you could play with his short threads of hair. It reminded you of when your mother shaved your hair off but it was the feeling that you loved. The velvet like touch making you feel comforted.

“My mama once shaved my hair like this you know? I used to cut my hair with scissors a lot. One day she got fed up and shaved it off all by herself. My friends used to bully me, I didn’t realise it back then but I was only there for their pleasure. I was the laughing stock for them, the doll they could beat up because she’d never break. I was already broken”

Miles noticed how you grinned wildly as you spoke. The creases in your eyes and the pearly teeth resting against your bottom lip. As Spider-Man he had seen a lot, including when you were about to kill yourself. Nothing broke his heart like how you smiled as you detailed your childhood. It was like a kid in a candy store the way you lit up. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for you, what kind of parents could hurt their child so much that they smiled over it? Logically there were people with worse lives out there and maybe that’s what you told yourself. There was no reason in Miles eyes for you to be smiling. If he was in your position he’d be crying, begging for revenge. Maybe you had already gotten it. No… he remembered. You’d told him you still lived with your mum. He had seen the texts.

mama: Honey when are you coming home?

you: i was actually thinking about staying with a friend!

mama: i’m not sure how i feel about that, what if you cut yourself again?

you: it’ll be okay, they know about my past and they’re willing to help me stop

That was only a snippet of a conversation. Miles had looked through the others, one of a blocked number. One of the texts was violent and loaded with threats.

you: You don’t get to do this to me!!! You don’t get to message ma every single fucking time you want to know about me. If you wanted me in your life you wouldn’t have molested me you dumb fucking piece of shit. I would rather kill myself in front of you than ever tell you anything. What you did to me as a kid wasn’t fucking love Michael. It was torture. You know what they call men like you? Fucking paedophiles. You deserve to be in jail you sick fuck. I mean come on, I blocked you everywhere. I got you out of my life to heal and then you send your friends to stalk my social media. What the hell is wrong with you? You’re a fucking sicko.

The boy’s heart ached for you and as he watched you play with Billy’s buzz cut he was happy. Miles barely knew you but he knew that Billy was good for you. The pair of you were dysfunctional at best but you made up for it with pure love. The messy, passionate kind of love that was anything someone would want. He wanted that kind of love with Gwen. Alas his love was in another world.

“This the prince you love so much baby?”

The petnames frustrated Miles the most. He’d discussed it with Amy numerous times, the two having lengthy phone calls about the topic. Amy had told him neither of them admitted it because of their self worth issues and while he knew she was right, it was still annoying.

“Yeah, Caspian was my hero as a little girl. Used to pretend he put me down to sleep at night. My mum stopped doing it after she met my step-father. It got lonely, Caspian saved me though”

The same morbid smile decorated your face once again. Your pain making you happy scared Miles the most. He’d asked his mum about it, he couldn’t handle this alone and now that his parents knew he was Spider-Man (much to his dads dismay) he went openly to them for help. His mum told him that you smiled because you survived, that when someone’s life is so full of trauma the lighter incidences classify as happy memories.

“Who’s your prince now?”

You slid down onto the floor with Billy, crawling like a cat into his lap. Rubbing your head against the crook of his neck.

“Billy’s my prince. You think yourself a monster, like you’re the villain. Maybe you are, who’s to say what role we play? Even if you are the villain I’d pick you over anyone else. I know you’d do anything to protect me Billy”

His arms wrapped around your back and the sight made Miles heart warm up. He used his phone to snap a picture, texting it to Amy.

Miles: *attachment*

Miles: Progress

….

Amy: HELL YEAH

#billy russo #billy russo imagine #billy russo x reader #ben barnes #the punisher imagine #the punisher #x reader #billy russo fluff

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wafflesetc · 2 years

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I am utterly heartbroken. I don’t really know what else to say. Do you all remember Hermoine’s bag that she was able to pull everything out of? That’s what I feel like- a huge bag of a mixture of so many different emotions.

(This post may be all over the place, so I apologize for that).

On one level, I can only wish the best for Jesse. Truly, as a long time CPD fan- even an Upstead fan... I just hope that with whatever the circumstances were, that on some level, he’s at peace with the decision. Regarding whether or not it was his decision or if he was forced out like Kelli Giddish from SVU, I am not sure. While I have my own thoughts about it, per how JLS has talked about the show and whatnot, I definitely lean one way over the other, but at the end of the day, unless someone comes out and gives us any indication on which way the pendulum swings, we may never get an answer. Which trust me, that not knowing is a hard pill to swallow. It may be one of the hardest, given how much we know JSL enjoyed not only Jay Halstead, but Upstead, Chicago, the cast and crew.

It feels like a punch to the gut, and it is. I will say this, one news article dropping the bomb at 10:30EST on a Monday night is a little weird. (Not the normal time to drop some kind of important annoucement??)

It’s not a normal news syndicate time, so they were definitely trying to get the news out there, or at least someone was so we wouldn’t even be blindsided by it. (Even though the irony is we were blindsided.) (I think they were trying to soften the blow... Just get it out there and hope it gets swept under the rug quickly.) I won’t be shocked if we get a new promo with footage within the next few days.

I’ve had my fair share of fan favorites departing from a series, but I will tell you... There is something about this one that just doesn’t sit right. Which makes me extremely nervous for how they are going to handle his departure.

I know we are not usually privy to the behind the scenes discussions on contract negotiations. We usually only hear when the show has been renewed for x amount of seasons, and then we usually hear if a character has renewed their contract or if they haven’t.

I don’t know what the stance of his contract was- was it good through season 10, was it only good through 9 and they were in negotiations and some sort of agreement couldn’t be reached by both parties.

For the time being, these are the type of details we have to be okay with not knowing.

I know we only see a small glimpse into JLS’s life and who he is- but from what we know from him, from other people, and how he has talked about this show… He is proud. He put his heart, sweat, and blood into playing Jay Halstead. He loves that character. I’ll reiterate that to note that I kept it in the present tense- he loves that character.

I find a small piece of comfort in that. Regardless of the circumstances which led to his leaving, he loves Jay. He’s proud of the work that he poured into the character… It’s obvious because look at how much of a fan favorite that he is.

I do think, that somewhere along the line, this was more of an unexpected departure than it was a prepared one. I say that because look at the development they have poured into Jay over the last ten years.

“One day this unit is going to be yours.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Hailey. Really, I’m not.”

“Where you go, I go.”

“I want to start my marriage with the woman that I love out of prison.”

These type of sentences and quotes are laid out in a show, in a relationship between two main characters, for no reason. I think they/he were planning on a long haul for Jay. I don’t think you can convince me of that otherwise… Especially, as stated above, how Jesse talked bout the the cast, crew, his love for Chicago, etc. I do know things go on BTS that we will never be privy to, but the joy he had surrounding the job wasn’t something that was fake to me. He truly loved this gig.

What scares me the most is how they might go about his departure. I think it’s going to be one of four ways (@agent-bash had a very similar post about this too):

He gets a transfer and/or a promotion. Obviously Voight isn’t going anywhere, and after the moral compass debacle that Hailey and Jay were on last year, I could see them using this as a way to put Jay as a Sargeant elsewhere in the CPD. This would allow for Upstead to remain together and have the off screen romance continue. (Also leave the door open for him to return in future episodes..

On the job injury- it’s been alluded to in the past with Mouse back in the early seasons, had a medical discharge from the military. I could see him getting shot to protect Hailey, try to protect another victim, someone and the gunshot injuring him in a capacity that he’d never be able to be fully back in the field. Like Trudy… Which would then allow him to be transferred somewhere else out of Intelligence.

Re-enlistment and/or some sort of military contractor offer. While I don’t necessarily see this as a superbly viable option, given how we know Jay has talked so little about his time in the Army… I could see them opening the door for this to allow him to stay with Hailey and write the off screen romance. I just don’t think his character would be super open to going back to the military, especially as an active duty person, given how he responded to the idea when Mouse wanted to go back to the military.

Killing him— sadly, this one is up there and I feel like they could swindle this one. This one though, is the one that scares me the most.

In reference to number 4: Killing Jay would literally ruin not only his character and character development… But it would absolutely destroy Hailey Upton.

Hailey lost Garrett. She barely got closure for that in 5x18… And it nearly destroyed her.

Hailey almost lost Jay in 6x02 when he went off to avenge the death of his father. She nearly spiraled when she saw him lying on the ground, covered in blood.

She almost lost Jay again in 7x09/7x10. We saw her distraught in the hospital- and then again in the bullpen when she threw that coffee mug because it was taking a while for the son to come up so they could use him against his father.

And then she almost lost Jay again with the whole Roy scenario— she was scared he was going to leave her because of a choice that she made.

“I’ve trusted you since the day I met you.”

“I’d follow you blind.”

“We’re always going to be good.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Hailey. Really I’m not.”

“Where you go, I go.”

“It’s a thing that works between us.”

They literally have laid such a strong foundation for Jay and Hailey, that they are…. At least to me, integral to one another.

IF they kill Jay off- I don’t really see how Hailey is going to survive that. I mean… She won’t- will not- survive Jay Halstead’s death. I mean, having to bury him- put him in the ground… I just… No. There is no plausible universe in which (even with JSL departing) killing Jay off would make sense. Especially for her character development. Jay is integral to keeping Hailey grounded, rooted in normalcy, rooted in a home— he’s changed her. His death would break her in ways that would be irreparable.

And also- killing him would undo all of the work they laid for his character and development growth over the past ten years. It would make 0 sense. (The hard part about it is that it sadly is usually the easy route to get rid of a character is to kill them off in some form or fashion.)

Additionally… If they go the divorce route… I just can’t fathom what would actually come between them where it would come to the resolution of them getting divorced. I mean, truly… It would be so OOC for both of them, after the years of pining and the slow burn- it wouldn’t make sense to end them like that. Especially after both of their backgrounds, them taking that step- to be together forever- they both meant it, they both wanted it. They both were in it for the long haul, for forever.

This is a hard thing to grieve and process.

On one hand, with whatever the decision was, why it was made, etc... Part of me hopes Jesse is at peace with it. (Or at peace with it the best he can be.) I truly wish nothing but the best for Jesse, and if this is the best thing for him- then so be it… Conversely, it’s OK to want things for your ship(s) and characters, one you’ve loved so dearly for a long time… Which has been the case of Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton. Ten years for Halstead, half a decade for Upstead. These are long years, where as people you’ve all seen and grown, and gone through things. You’re not just processing the character leaving- you’re processing all that has also happened to you- the friends you’ve made, the memories you have with these characters, the feelings you’ve thrown into this show, etc, that are tied into this show... They are tied into you. You’re grieving all of that, not just the loss of a beloved character.

So remember, through this, be gentle with yourself. With others. We all grieve and process differently.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve or process this information. Take it day by day.

I don’t know how to end this, because it’s all still so fresh.

I can only hope that the writers remember the work that they have laid out the past few years, the foundation of which their characters were rooted in, the foundation and stronghold these two characters share together, and honor that in an exit that makes Jay Halstead the good, honorable man that the is. Truly, the ball is in their court with is this, and I hope they do him justice.

#Upstead #Chicago PD #Jay Halstead #Jesse Lee Soffer #Hailey Upton #Jay x Hailey #One Chicago

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spuffybot · 11 months

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If you haven’t been following Scandoval (impressive honestly because it’s everywhere) the TLDR version of events is this: Ariana & Tom were together for 9 years. Raquel was Ariana’s close friend who we watched her support & protect time and time again. Raquel and Tom were hooking up behind Ariana’s back for 7 months and this all unfolded on TV.

When the news broke, the world rallied around Ariana to the point where it became a cultural phenomenon, breaking containment from the world of reality TV, and entering the zeitgeist with full force. This scandal has been covered by CNN, The View, and just about every major publication / podcast / tik tok you can think of. And while I have cheered Ariana on alongside the masses, I’ve felt a slow growing anxiety. We love to put women on pedestals and we love even more, to knock them down.

Long time viewers have rallied behind Ariana, buying merch en masse as companies and sponsors have kept her booked around the clock. To say this scandal has been profitable is an understatement: Ariana is experiencing a career high, even as her personal life turns to ash. This both excited, and worried me. I love to see a woman get hers, but it fueled the anxiety, which slowly turned to certainty, that public opinion would eventually shift.

Our society can’t stand to see a woman win for too long. As soon as we lift her up so high, we start to build barriers and expectations. She must be the perfect victim: graceful, above it all, constantly proving she didn’t deserve to be betrayed. She must be pure of heart (and body), and never stoop to “their level”. These impossible standards are a jenga tower waiting to topple. I feared that the same masses that rallied behind her would be waiting with baited breath for the tide to change, all too eager to accuse her of “going too far” or failing to live up to their expectations.

This past week, I finally saw my anxiety manifest. On Wednesday night the final reunion episode of Vanderpump Rules season 10 aired. This was the episode where we finally witnessed Ariana confront Raquel and Tom together. For the viewers, this debacle has been playing out for months as the show has aired. For Ariana, this reunion was taped shortly after she discovered the affair, and the emotions were understandably raw.

What I witnessed on Wednesday was a woman stepping fully into her anger and owning it. She held nothing back. Her pain, sorrow, and rage were on full display. This was not a woman thinking about the cameras, or her endorsement deals, or her popularity. This was a woman baring her soul and letting the hurt and vitriol flow. It was cathartic, it was brave, and it was utterly human. I felt myself in her anger, and I mourned all the times I bottled my own rage up and chose to be the “bigger person”.

Women (and even more so for women of color and queer women) are constantly navigating the minefield of having their anger policed. They must only be angry for the appropriate amount of time before they must forgive and move on. They can’t make a scene or allow their anger to inconvenience anyone. And they certainly can’t be angry in a way that is ugly, hurtful, or that makes people uncomfortable. Ariana rejected this at the reunion and embraced her rage. She did not censor herself or hold herself back. She made no apologies and gave no ground to Tom and Raquel.

It took little time for fans to shift from Ariana stans to accusing her of going too far and being a bully. Her anger wasn’t cute, restrained, or tailored for our entertainment and so our collective sympathy rapidly dissipated. Suddenly folks who were cheering when Ariana stonewalled Tom in the season finale were calling her out for being too mean at the reunion.

As I see the comments pouring in on social media I find myself disappointed and disheartened. I knew this was coming, that it was inevitable. Society has never been kind to a woman scorned, and Ariana’s time as media darling was always going to be a short lived tight rope dance. And yet, some small part of me hoped she would weather the storm. I hoped more people would see what I saw: a woman in pain who chose her truth over her appearance.

Ariana’s words may have cut, but actions have consequences. When you hurt someone that deeply, you should not also get to silence their rage. To the fans trying to silence Ariana’s rage now, I commend your empathy for Raquel, but I urge you to think about how entitled Ariana is to her feelings and to expressing them openly and honestly. Even when they are ugly. Even when they cut. Even when they make us uncomfortable.

#scandavol #team ariana #vanderpump rules #tom sandoval #ariana madix #rage #anger #bravo #reality tv

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dari-ede · 1 year

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In the Middle of the Night: Chapter 20(M)

Chapter 20: "좀 급하지만 네 마음속에 이미 꽉 찬"

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M

Status: COMPLETE

[AN: A lot of things happen in this chapter. It all takes place in a matter of days, which is why the chapter is so long. We are getting near the end, and this chapter is one of the last ones before things take a turn]

Trigger warning: description—not too graphic—of sexual assault, talk of trauma. If you want to skip the portion, there will be **** symbols at the beginning and end of it.

warnings/spoilers: oral sex (male and female receiving), deep throat, gagging

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 2021

Malibu, CA, USA

I made my way through my family’s ranch. Seeing the horses brought a warmth I had been feeling seldom lately. My childhood horse passed many years ago. I hadn’t ridden much since, feeling it would be a betrayal. However, every time I saw one of those divine creatures, the emotions Selena—my horse—used to bring me always came flooding back. I loved this property. Loved the goats, the donkeys, the chickens, and the turkeys. It brought me solace from the shithole house I lived in. My parents’ house was huge, but there was no corner that could hide me from the black cloud that hovered. The hatred that plagued that house since before I was born still remained. As I came to the front door, my stomach turned. Emotions from childhood began to creep their way to the surface.

I had been in LA for over a week and I still hadn’t seen my parents. I had made every excuse in the book not to visit, but finally, I ran out of shit excuses to avoid them. Thankfully, I was planning on staying for only a couple of hours. I had already made Ky promise to call me to give me an excuse to leave. Plus, there was my Tia Jia who had agreed to come over as well, so that would help.

Taking a breath, I settled myself and knocked on the door.

A brunette, petite woman who looked like a retired model answered. Her hair and makeup were perfectly applied; the clothes on her making her glow like a goddess. My mother really was a beauty….

Her brown eyes did a once-over on me. “You haven’t been exercising while you’ve been gone? Mayahuel, you know noodles always make your face plump.”

…too bad her soul was rotten. “Hello to you too, Madre.”

She dismissed me and barely grazed my body with her arms—her version of a hug. More criticism came out of her mouth as she led the way into the house.

I noticed my father—tall, dark, and with the world’s thickest mustache—sitting on his normal chair in the corner of the living room. He was reading one of his many magazines. He barely looked up at seeing me and sent me a nod. Nice to see you too, Dad, I said silently to myself.

When we got to the kitchen, she went directly to the coffee. It was one of the few things I agreed wholeheartedly with my mother: coffee was good at any time of the day. She took out two cups and poured them to the rim. She put creamer in one and was about to put some in the other one when I stopped her, reminding her that I took mine with sugar only.

My mother gave a dismissive wave. “I always confuse you with your brothers.”

I really wanted to respond with the fact that one of my brothers didn’t like coffee and the other drank it straight black—no creamer or sugar. I was only going to be here for a couple of hours, though. I really didn’t want to spend it picking fights.

“So, I hear that you’ve been meeting up with some labels during your stay here,” my mother said bluntly.

I just about spat out my coffee. “Who told you?”

My mother looked unimpressed, almost offended. “You do realize that I’ve been in this industry for decades before you. I may no longer be a recording artist, but I am a songwriter and producer—I have ears almost everywhere.”

Of course I knew, but I didn’t think that word would get to her so quickly. I took another sip of coffee, wishing there was some kalua in it. “I’ve met with a couple already.”

“How have they gone?”

Horribly, I want to say, but I won’t. It’s my pride. I don’t want to admit that I—a platinum-selling, record-breaking, multi-winning recording artist—had just been offered two very shit deals. Honestly, I didn’t even want to think about their offers; it felt like a slap in the face.

Kyung had laughed in their faces, believing at first it was a joke, but when he saw they were serious, he hadn’t been interested in continuing the meetings—both times. We were in and out of that building in less than twenty minutes. The first time had felt bizarre, but this second one we had the other day went similarly and gave me self-doubt. Had I put too much value on myself?

Before I had a chance to answer my mother, we heard a voice coming from the front door.

As we turned towards the hall entrance, I was welcomed by a Korean woman making her way toward us. She was of medium height, slightly heavy, and had the warmest smile. Every time I saw it, I felt an ease run through me.

Tia Jia immediately hugged and kissed me. This was the ninth time we had seen each other since I had arrived, but I wasn’t about to tell my mother that.

“You come in right on time,” my mother said, grabbing another mug. “Mayahuel was about to tell us how these meetings have gone with some labels.”

Tia Jia gave a blank smile. I fought back a laugh. Truth was, my Tia Jia already knew everything. I had called her no more than ten minutes after walking out of each meeting. But, again, I wasn’t about to tell my mother that.

My mother continued to talk. “If they aren’t able to meet your list of demands, just know your old label would meet every one of them. I talked to Chad not so long ago and he said—”

“You what?” I asked. Hearing the name made my stomach drop.

“I talked to Chad—” My mother continued.

“Why?” Anger began to rumble. I had told my mother long ago that I had gotten into an argument with one of the heads, which was the reason why I had left. She had been badgering me so much about why I had decided not to resign from my contract, that I felt pressured to tell her something. Mostly, because I believed she would have started snooping around if I didn’t give her something.

“Oh, it’s not that big of a deal, Mayahuel. Let bygones be bygones,” she said dismissively. “You never were one to have the patience for a few disagreements.”

No, I just wasn’t one who had the patience for the screaming, yelling, name-calling, and throwing objects, I wanted to say to her. But I kept on topic. “Madre, I told you that this wasn’t some small argument. This was serious. I was disrespected and there is no way in hell that I’m going to ever work with them again.”

Before my mother could let out another word, my tia Jia interceded. She settled my mother down. She had dealt with the woman for almost all her life—they had been best friends since they were teenage girls. No one seemed to settle my mother better than my tia Jia.

Thankfully, my mother agreed to change the topic.

I gave my tia a look of complete gratefulness.

“Have you told your mother about Thanksgiving?” Tia Jia asked.

My mother’s face did not look pleased. “What about it?”

I decided to just rip the Band-Aid. “Well, I wanted to have it over my place. My friends from Korea are going to be here for their concert and I wanted to invite them. They’ve been great with me while I’ve been living there—especially Namjoon. He always had me over during a holiday. His entire family was always welcoming.”

“Namjoon is a good man,” Tia Jia said warmly. “You’ve met him before, Tlali. He’s the tall one. Incredibly smart—very handsome.”

“Who?” my mother looked utterly lost.

“From the group of friends Mayita has. The Korean group.”

It took a while for my mother to figure it out. “Oh. They’re all tall.”

“Well, he’s the tallest,” I said. “And I’m going to invite them for Thanksgiving. I figured it would be nice to do something for them. I would like all my loved ones in one room.”

My mother didn’t say anything, just wore a slight frown and looked out into the distance. It was the look I knew all too well: she was trying to be polite and not say anything rude.

The unsettling feeling in my stomach I usually felt when I knew my mother was judging me immediately took over. Honestly, sometimes I preferred hearing her be rude than imagining what she might be thinking.

“It’s going to be fun,” Tia Jia insisted, her voice upbeat and light. “Do you want to make the menu right now? We have time.”

Tia Jia’s excitement rubbed off. I took out my phone and the pair of us began to look up dishes.

“Want some more, honey?” my tia Jia asked, motioning to my empty mug.

I nodded.

She took it and poured some coffee, adding two tablespoons of sugar and handing it to me.

As I took a sip of the coffee, I noticed my mother's demeanor change. I know she had noticed it. Tia Jia knew my preference for coffee. A small part of me felt bad….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, I walked out of my third meeting with label. And for the third time, I was walking away feeling completely off. Enough so that I knew it wasn’t something I could ignore anymore. My intuition was screaming at me that something was going on.

Kyung was walking with me, getting into the driver’s side as I got into the passenger’s side. Once both inside, I let it out. “What the fuck is going on?”

Kyung drove out of the parking spot. He was silent until we were out of the lot. “I was really hoping it was just me or that the other two labels were just being dickheads for other reasons. But now….” He shook his head in disgust.

I finished his thinking. “It’s like they’re offering me a shitty contract on purpose so I won’t sign with them. That deal is something you offer a rookie who doesn’t know the first thing about the industry. They might as well spit at me.” Anger was starting to boil inside me.

Kyong began to speak again, “I wasn’t lying to you when I said they were the ones who wanted you more than the other labels. I scheduled to meet them third on purpose. I wanted to see what the other two companies were offering so we could work that to our advantage. But it seems as if the offers are getting worse.” He looked more pissed than how he sounded.

I had known Kyung all my life. Before he was my manager and business partner, he had been an important figure growing up. As much as Tia Jia was like a mother to me, Kyung was like a brother. From his facial expressions, I knew when he was controlling his anger. “What’s up?”

It took a moment. He was trying to gather his thoughts and emotions before speaking up. “A buddy of mine who still works at the old label tipped me off the other day. Some rumor he had heard from top executives. Apparently, some didn’t take well with you rejecting to meet with them. We shouldn’t be surprised that they heard of us meeting with other companies for possible contracts—it’s hard to keep a secret in this industry. According to my buddy, the execs in the old label are trying to block you from signing.”

Suddenly, I remembered my mother’s words about talking to Chad. Had she known about my meetings with other labels before talking to Chad? Had she told Chad? Had Chad tried using my mother to get to me—to get me to come crawling to them? Fuck, he probably did.

Kyung’s eyes were on the road; he couldn’t see how upset I was. “I knew they weren’t going to be happy about us rejecting their meeting, but to go this far? Maybe I should give them a call and try to settle things with them.”

“No,” I said as I turned away so he wouldn’t see how pissed I was at this suggestion.

I knew he was looking at me. “Why?”

“I don’t want anything to do with them, Kyung. I’ve said this too many times.” I was getting snappy and I didn’t want to.

Kyung wasn’t one to easily let things go, though. “Maya, I really don’t know why you can’t give me an answer. What happened? I know something did—I thought maybe it was with one individual in the company you had an issue with, but now it seems as if it’s the entire company that fucked you over.”

I refused to tell him. For too many reasons, he couldn’t know. I had told two people about the incident—my tia Jia and Dr. Rob. I don’t think I could ever tell another soul.

Kyung let out a heavy sigh. “It must be bad if you can’t even tell me. It only makes me think the worse, you know? You tell me almost everything. How bad is it that you can’t tell me?”

I stayed silent.

Then, I noticed us pulling into a parking lot. It was mostly empty. I turned to Kyung, confused about why we were here.

He parked the car, unbuckled himself, and fully turned to me. His face was a pale white, his hands and lips were shaking slightly. I had never seen him look like this. “It’s scaring me, Maya. I’m thinking the unimaginable here.” His eyes were watery and desperate. “Please don’t tell me it’s what I think it is.”

My own eyes were starting to form tears of their own. Horrible images creeping their way up. I fought to keep control.

“Did someone…do something to you?” he was struggling getting the words out. The tears were coming down.

I couldn’t hold it together anymore. Seeing him come apart sent me downward. I felt myself shaking, feeling the anger, the disgust, the hurt, and the embarrassment all at once.

His arms were around me, pulling me into a warm embrace. I clutched to him, letting myself feel it all as those goddamn images came flooding back to the surface.

**He squeezed. As if he had done it before. As if it belonged to him.

There was an eerie glint in his eyes. The clear-blue eyes that I once thought to be full of kindness were now baring down at me in a vile way.

My skin crawled and I wanted nothing more than to push him off and run out of there. But for the first time in my life, I had no control of my body. With a simple claw on my body, this piece of shit had overpowered me.

Hot breath was on me and I wanted to be stabbed, just so I could feel something else.**

“You don’t have to talk about it.” Kyung’s voice pulled me out of my horrific past. “We won’t ever deal with them, I promise. But know I’m here for whenever you want to talk, ok?”

I only nodded, not trusting my voice.

He kissed the top of my head. “If you’re scared of how I’ll react, I swear on Yori and my kids I won’t say a thing to the guys. I promise.”

It was one of the reasons I didn’t want him to know the truth. Kyung was close with my brothers and guy cousins. We had all grown up together and the guys had an old school mentality when it came to handling certain things. I still remember the hell they gave my first ex who treated me like shit. The piece of shit who assaulted me had done worse. I had enough reason to suspect that this could lead to legal trouble for the guys if they found out.

Then, there was the added layer of them be disappointed in me. Growing up, they had taught me how to defend myself. Taught me what to do if anyone dared put his hands on me. I knew how to box, for crying out loud. How had I just let it happen? Their disappointment in me would only deepen the disappointment I had on myself.

Dr. Rob had emphasized time and time again that it wasn’t my fault. Shock was common in assault victims. However, I had never accepted that in myself.

Once out of his embrace, he smiled sweetly. “Eomma knows?”

I nodded.

“Good. As long as she knows, it’s all that matters,” he said with complete sincerity. He continued to soothe me until I was calm and no more tears were coming down. “You good?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Thank you.”

He held my eyes as he spoke, “You call the shots, Maya. You always have. I’ll find you the perfect home, I promise. And then you’re gonna kick ass, record the most amazing album, win a shit ton of awards, and break multiple records. Those sons of bitches are going to regret it.”

The fire in his eyes and voice gave me some power.

“Hell, even if we can’t find the perfect home, you can still record and release this album without backup. And I’ll be sure to spread the word that you released it on your own because no label took you seriously. They’ll be walking with their tail between their legs from the embarrassment.”

I felt a boost of confidence, Kyung’s words affecting me in a positive way.

He was right, we were going to use this as fuel. We’d make them all regret it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, things began to look up. Bangtan had landed in LA. Because I had a close relationship with the coordinator of the trip, I managed to sneak my way into the vehicle Namjoon was going to be riding in. I had made it seem as if I was doing a prank on him that the rest of the guys were in on.

It worked and I was currently in the back seat of the black van. The van was parked in a section inside LAX that had a private exit. I had told the coordinator and guys about the exit.

The partition on the vehicle was up, so we would have privacy.

Namjoon was the first to enter the vehicle. Those dark brown, dragon eyes were the first thing I saw. He had his mask on, so I couldn’t see his deep dimples. I felt like I was six years old seeing Disneyworld for the first time.

He made his way to the back of the van, pulled down his mask, and leaned his entire body into me. His lips immediately sought my own. His baseball cap bumped into me, so I took it off.

I enthusiastically welcomed him, throwing the cap to the side, and wrapping my arms around his wide back. “Hi,” I mumbled in between kisses. “How was the flight?”

“Long,” he mumbled back, his lips not wanting to leave mine as well.

“Get a room!” came Jimin’s voice.

Namjoon pulled away at the reminder we weren’t alone. He let out an irritated sigh and sat down properly. His arm came around the back of my seat.

I took his seatbelt and buckled him in, noticing he had forgotten to do so. “It’s a good thing you guys were able to use this terminal.” I reached over to Jimin and pinched his cheeks in a greeting fashion. He gave me one of his eye smiles.

“It’s a good thing you told the team about it,” J-Hope said as he buckled himself into his seat. “If you hadn’t mentioned it, we would have gone through the main terminal.” He reached over and gave me a high five.

“I thought I had told you guys about it before. It’s a major benefit after flying private all my life, I got to learn all the hacks of LAX,” I said as the door closed.

I turned back to Namjoon who was looking fondly at me. My cheeks were starting to hurt from all the smiling. I fell into my seat, his arm circling my shoulders. “I missed you,” I whispered to him, letting out what I had been feeling since leaving his apartment in Seoul.

His face inched closer to mine, his hand caressing my neck and pulling my face to his. “I missed you, too.” With his forehead against mine, he closed his eyes and breathed in. He looked calm, at ease.

I reached up to touch his face and noticed a change. His strips were gone. He had gotten a new cut and the strips had faded. While I had enjoyed the strips along his hair, he hadn’t been a fan of them. He tended to prefer a mullet style—which, personally, was my least favorite on him. But it was his hair, and I really didn’t care too much how he styled or cut it. As long as I had hair to pull and hold on to…..

The sudden image of his mouth wrapped around my pussy and his tongue inside me came to mind. I tried to shake it off. It hadn’t been two weeks since the last time we slept together and already I was horny. I blamed him. If he wasn’t so great, I wouldn’t crave him so much.

“I wouldn’t get too attached to it,” he warned as I stroked his hair.

Instantly, I hoped he didn’t mean he was going to dye it again. It really was the only thing that slightly bothered me. The constant dyeing and bleaching worried me. “Are you getting another haircut?” I asked, hopeful.

“No, I’m bleaching it again,” he said cautiously.

I must have made a face.

“You say I look good blond,” he said immediately as if he was trying to ease my worry.

He really did good as a blond, but I doubted his scalp felt it was worth it.

“I promise to keep away from the mullet,” he offered like a negotiation—like I wouldn’t let him. “And it won’t be toobleached.”

I really didn’t want to make this a big deal. It was his goddamn hair. And he was a grown adult. No one in the company bullied him into doing anything he really didn’t want to do. That was years in the past. I really shouldn’t be a Debbie Downer about this.

I shook my head at myself. “Namjoon, I’m not your mother. It’s your hair. It’s up to you what you want to do with it.”

“Yeah, but you’re my girl. You’re gonna be the one mostly looking at it.”

I smiled at his title for me. I had missed it. And, honestly, it’s all I needed to make me stop worrying about his hair. I took ahold of his shirt and tugged at it, pulling his beauty closer. “Handsome, I mostly look at your gorgeous face. The hair is just there for me to pull at.”

He let out a low moan and filled the gap between us, kissing me open-mouthed.

Nothing but fake gags could be heard in the vehicle.

I pulled away from Namjoon, settling in my seat. “Anything I missed since I last saw you?”

“Just a bit of a mess with Jungkook and Yuna,” Jimin said, a mischievous look on his face.

“What happened?” I asked, fully absorbed in the gossip.

Hoseok went on to explain the mess the youngest member had recently gotten into that involved his girlfriend. It hadn’t been pleasant but thankfully had been cleaned up. The news outlets didn’t get wind of it, thankfully.

By the sounds of it, it seemed as if there was trouble in paradise with the young couple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a nice visit to LACMA, Namjoon and I arrived at my house with Kogi. We had eaten some of the tacos on the drive with Namjoon feeding me. The original idea had been to eat once getting to my house, but the smell had been too intoxicating. It was one of my favorite places to eat in LA and hadn’t had it in years. Initially, Namjoon didn’t deem it safe enough for me to eat while driving. I tried using logic, reminding him how good of a driver I was—I had been taught how to drive by my brother and cousins who were drag racers. When that didn’t work, I pouted. And finally, I got my first bite. At seeing my happy wiggle, he kept feeding me. I made a mental note about this—now I knew what would work later for my benefit.

We spoke a little about the crappy offers by the labels, Namjoon also believed there was something fishy going on.

"Haven't you mentioned before that your mother knows a lot of people?" he asked. "Why not see if she can snoop around to see what she can find?"

My stomach churned at the thought.

I didn't have to say anything for Namjoon to understand my physical response. I think he could even hear how upset my stomach was. "Is it really that difficult asking her for a favor? She's your mother, Maya."

Namjoon always wanted to see the best in people, but he had been blessed with amazing parents. He had never known what it felt like to be neglected—and I was grateful for that ignorance. "I trusted my mother a long time ago. More times than I can count. And she always manages to let me down. Do you know what that feels like? At age 2, 8, 14, 23 to trust another person enough with your emotions only for them to spit at them? I tell my mother I have a feeling that someone at my own old company is trying to sabotage me and she'll openly laugh at me—she's done it before on multiple occasions. I lost count of the number of times when she has said, word for word, 'no one cares about your feelings.'"

When I first started therapy, it had been difficult to admit these feelings I had about my mother—I could never get through it without crying. Now, it was easier. But it still cut deep.

"I'm sorry," Namjoon said gently, his hand soothing me.

I took a breath. "It's easy to let people in. But thanks to my parents' shitty job, it's hard to let someone back in. And I hit my limit with my parents. I can't anymore with them."

We finally arrived at my home. In silence, we got out of the vehicle once we were parked in the garage.

Namjoon grabbed his overnight bag and the bags of take-out and followed me into the home.

As I led us through the hall, I thought of the other guys. Namjoon and I decided to spend the day together visiting different spots in the LA area, the other guys were off doing their own thing, but I didn’t know what. As soon as I picked up Namjoon, I had forgotten to ask about the guys.

“What are the rest of the others doing today?” I asked, setting down the bag of leftovers on the kitchen island. I had eaten three tacos on the drive here, but I was still craving more.

Namjoon opened the containers; he was always down for eating. “Jin and Yoongi stayed at the hotel. The rest went to the Harry Styles concert. Tae’s the most excited. He’s been wanting to see him for a while.”

“That’s tonight?” I asked. The days sure were passing fast.

“Yeah. They might already be there.”

“That’s gonna be fun for them. Two years of being so cooped up, they deserve to have fun.”

Namjoon and I picked up the rest of the dishes we had bought. We had bought almost every item on the menu due to our indecisive.

As we ate, Namjoon went over one of the artists we had observed today at LACMA. I sat back, enjoying hearing him talk. He leaned over to my dish, which was across the table, and took a fork full of food. As he reached, his glasses slid down his nose a little. He pushed them back up. He in glasses was definitely one of my favorite looks on him.

He looked up at me, catching me. “What?”

I simply smiled and leaned into him. “Have I told you today that you’re pretty hot?”

“That’s out of nowhere.” He gave a shy smile but still filled the gap to capture my lips.

“I’m finding your bookworm look pretty damn sexy. You sit there with your hoodie, Timberlands, baseball cap, prescribed glasses, and talk about books and art—it’s a total turn-on.” My upper body was now fully on the counter, being pulled to his gravity.

There was a glint in his eye that looked a little mischievous. “Is it a fantasy of yours—doing it with a bookworm?”

The image made my pussy drip. “I can totally picture riding your face with those glasses on. They’ll be fogged and juiced up by the end of the night.”

Those dragon eyes came swam to the surface, making my skin burn. “You think it’s going to take me all night to get them foggy and juicy? Baby, I’ll have you cuming in less than 10 minutes.”

My cunt squeezed at the promise. It’d been two weeks since the last time we had had sex. But it honestly felt like two years.

Without another word, he walked around the counter, took my hand, and led me into the hall. “Where’s the master bedroom?” he asked, his voice tight and controlled.

“Double doors at the end of the hall,” I answered excitedly.

The moment we entered our destination, his lips were on mine, his tongue slipping in.

He was true to his word; no more than seven minutes later, I fell apart. My knees clenched around Namjoon’s head, my thighs holding his face captive around my center. His glasses were wrecked and soaking wet. His face was flushed and glistering with my juices. A laugh escaped me at the sight of him.

“I told you I was going to break them,” I let out as I pulled off his cracked specs and put them on the nightstand before his eyes could get damaged.

“And I told you it wouldn’t take me all night,” he countered. He leaned in and kissed my inner thigh.

I let out a giggle, pulling myself off him.

He rolled to his side and took me in his arms, his lips searching mine.

We stayed like that for a moment, with simple touches, and kisses until I regained my strength.

And then my hunger for him began to surface. I needed more. I needed him.

I found myself pushing him onto his back while I made my way down his massive physique. My hands tugged at his clothing while I gave attention to every piece of skin I could reach. I don’t think I had ever been so obsessed over a man’s body as I was with this divine creature before me. There wasn’t an inch of him that wasn’t glorious.

My mouth salivated at the sight of his cock waving in the air, dying for attention.

My hands and mouth wasted no time. My lips kissed the long vein on the underside of his shaft, holding eye contact with him the entire time. Once at the head, I wrapped both lips around it and sucked a little. My hand went up and down his thick girth. I let spit fall down his cock, which allowed my hand to work him with a better grip.

“Fuuuuuuuck, baby.” His hand twitched towards me, making a gesture towards my head, but held my cheek instead.

I pulled off his dick with a nice popping sound, liquid coming down the corners of my mouth. I stroked him as I asked him something I had been wanting to know since the first time I gave him head. “Do you want to fuck my mouth?”

His brown eyes went wide and his hand froze on my cheek.

I laughed darkly and I sank my head back down, not stopping until the head hit the back of my throat. I then quickly came back up and stroked him at a higher speed. “We have a safe signal. If it gets to be too much, I’ll let you know.”

He finally spoke up. “Are you sure?” he asked in the middle of a moan.

I nodded eagerly. “I really want to.” I twisted my wrist.

He let out a groan. “I want you to be sure,” he said gruffly.

“I trust you,” I said as my eyes looked directly at him.

His eyes turned soft for a moment and then the dragon eyes took over.

I maneuvered my way to the side of the bed and climbed off. I took Namjoon’s hand and tugged at it, signaling him to move towards me. He did, finding a seat on the side of the bed as I came to the ground, kneeling before him. There was a fire radiating off of his eyes. He had yet to blink, it seemed.

Taking his cock member in my mouth, I worked a good rhythm. When he still hadn’t moved, I placed my hands on his thick hips and went further down, sending his dick deep into my throat.

He let out a groan and began to move his hips on his own.

It didn’t take long for the feeling of his head hit the back of my throat. My jaw opened wider and I moved a different angle, allowing more of him inside me. My throat muscles clenched around his girth, a gag naturally coming out.

“Shit,” he let out, his hands holding onto my head.

I moved my body so it could allow my throat more room. I took more of him down my throat. His length pushed through my pharynx.

“Oh shit,” he let out, his hips acting on their own accord and pressing further in me.

It was too much, so my throat tightened hard against him. I took a deep breath from my nose, trying to ensure I got enough oxygen. I wanted to come up for full air, but the desire to live out the fantasy of Namjoon face fucking me was too great.

I pulled out a little and went back in, letting him know what pace I was good with.

He took the hint and began to rock and hips in the same rhythm. With every thrust, he goes a little further in me.

Because of his long length, it took a while before his full cock engulfed my throat. His face appeared to be full of ecstasy. His body was sweating bullets.

I wanted to keep the rhythm going but noticed the vein in his throat. He was trying to control his orgasm.

After taking a few breaths, he started to rock himself again. He fully pulled out of me, allowing me to take a full breath of fresh air before he went back in. Keeping eye contact with me, he pushed back into my mouth.

He bottomed out a lot easier and quicker this time. His eyes never left my face, ensuring I was ok with this. Once he was satisfied and confident that I was comfortable, he allowed himself to be in the moment.

As he worked himself in my throat, my pussy craved attention. I brought my fingers to my core, giving myself pleasure.

Namjoon’s hips crashed a little harder against me, his fingers dug into my hair with a little more force. I let out a hum as he impaled me, wanting to heighten his pleasure.

He cursed again. His member almost fully exited my throat but plunged back into me with plenty of vigor. There was a pause, looking for my reaction before he reenacted the same move.

My gagging was getting louder, the saliva coming down my throat in buckets, and my pussy was creating a pool at my feet.

“You look so fucking hot right now,” he lets out, almost breathless. His eyes fall to my legs. “Speed up those fingers, baby. Don’t cum yet.”

I let out a mewl, as I usually do when I hear that commanding tone of his.

“Almost,” he lets out, his powerful thighs hitting my face. I didn’t care, though. The look on his face was well worth it. “I’m cuming,” he warned.

While he thrust a few more times, I pushed the tip of my tongue along the bottom of his length. With one more push, my nose was pressed against his stomach as his warm seed went down my throat.

There was so much coming out of him; more than any of our other times together. I swallowed as much as I could, but plenty managed to spill out. Slowly, I pulled out of him, making sure to give the tip of him one final peck.

He was sweating bullets and he took in deep breaths. He looked as if he had just come out of the gym.

I reached over to the side of the bed where I had a box of tissues. I cleaned the both of us up. Usually, it was Namjoon that took care of us, but he was still trying to catch his breath. Once we were cleaned, we made our way to the center of the bed, cuddling.

Normally, oral sex tended to be foreplay for us. But we were both exhausted. It had been a long day of physical activity—inside and outside of the bedroom

With his arm around me, I found myself falling into a sweet sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apparently, we had been more exhausted than we realized. It was close to sundown when we realized how long we had slept. Knowing we would just continue to sleep if we stayed in bed, we forced ourselves out and decided to take a stroll along the beach. We needed physical activity to wake us up. Plus, the sunset setting would be a nice view for a picture I could take of Namjoon. My property was incredibly close to the beach and had a private entrance that no many used.

As we made our way down the path that led to the water, I kept an eye out for people, making sure we were alone before reaching out to take his hand in mine.

The move made him smile. “Have you talked to your parents?” he asked.

I imagine he was referring to Thanksgiving dinner. I knew he was excited to meet my family. “A little. I haven’t talked to my mother much—except for the other day that I met with her. I told her that I wanted to have Thanksgiving at my place.”

“What did she say?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Nothing, really. I’m not too sure she was happy at the idea of it being at my place. She likes to host. But Seb and Victor already agreed with my place. She also didn’t say anything about that. So, I’m taking silence as compliance. She was pretty non-verbal after that.”

Remembering the conversation just brought irritation. Why my mother could never act like an adult was beyond me. She dodged talking about issues and would later be passive-aggressive. I had been here for only a few weeks, but I already wanted to leave again.

Namjoon reached over to me and gave me a side hug, trying to soothe me.

I leaned into his embrace, allowing myself to relax at his touch. I had already vented to him about the meetings I had with the labels during our car ride. It really had been a long day.

We continued to walk down the path, hearing the ocean waves. We came apart once we were down in the sand. We took notice of a few people present. We kept a small distance between us but weren’t too far from each other.

We walked side by side along the shore, only saying a few words. Our focus was mostly on the scenery in front of us. As the sun set, I took full advantage and took several photos of Namjoon. He insisted on taking one together. I gave in and he handled the selfie.

There was no one present anymore, except for a couple off in the far distance. The sun was fully gone and now the moon was starting to shine. And the coast still looked just as gorgeous.

In the two years I had been gone, I had almost forgotten how beautiful it was. Although I had come to love Seoul, there was something about California that made it irreplaceable. The water, beach, sands, mountains, and coast couldn’t be matched. I had traveled the world and California was still among the most beautiful places.

“I can see why you chose this place,” Namjoon’s voice lingered in the chilly air. His face was turned towards the sea, watching the waves lightly crashing onto the shore.

My eyes stayed on his face, admiring how the moon’s light bounced on all the right angles. Shadows were created but only amplified his features. The wind moved through the water and his hair. It really looked like he belonged to the night.

I took it back, there was another beauty that took top tier.

“What?” he asked, catching me ogling at him.

There was zero embarrassments I felt. Without shame, I would openly gawk at his magnificence. “You’re so handsome,” I said dreamingly. “When moon rise, it’s your time to shine.”

He turned away, trying to hide his shy smile.

I let out a laugh. “So cute.” I poked his side.

His dimples deepened. I saw the glint in his eyes before he could make a move.

I was already planning on dodging him before he reached for me. But before he made a move, I noticed something from the corner of my eye. I turned my head and found a couple several yards away, walking towards us. They were both young Asian women.

My heard accelerated, frightened at being caught. I moved several feet away from Namjoon just as he made to reach me.

I turned my head away from the pair of eyes that were getting closer to us. I put some more distance between the two young women as they reached. We exchanged smiles, but I did my best to hide my face in the shadows. I hoped Namjoon did the same.

The two women walked between us and continued on their walk opposite us. They didn’t show any indication of knowing either one of us. Their faces and strides kept forward. Once they were far away, I fell into step with Namjoon. I let out a sigh, relieved we hadn’t been caught.

However, Namjoon stepped away from me. “No, maybe we should wait until we’re back at your place before you get too close. Wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” His voice was harsh and bitter.

I turned to him, confused. His eyes were knitted together, his chin set forward, and his jaw clenched. “What?”

“You must have jumped a good ten feet. Even with complete strangers, you don’t like the thought of anyone knowing we’re an item.” I could hear the hurt in his words, but his main emotion was annoyance.

I chose my words carefully and did my best to keep my voice steady and soft. “Namjoon, we do the same thing in Korea. On the rare times when we’re in public, we keep a good amount of distance between us. I didn’t jump away from you because I’m ashamed of you. I stepped away because I was worried they would recognize us.”

His facial features didn’t waiver. “We’re in America, I’m not as recognized here as I am in Korea. And just because they’re Asian doesn’t automatically mean they know me.”

There was an accusation in his statement that hinted at my being ignorant. It stung because he was right, I had made an assumption: they were Asian, so more than likely they knew about BTS. However, the harshness in his words made it seem as if my assumption was more sinister than naïveté.

I tried to mask the hurt. “Even you guys have mentioned whenever you’re in a foreign land that the ones who recognize you immediately are Asian. And I was only being careful. Especially after Jungkook’s close call. I apologize if it came off wrong; that wasn’t my intent.”

It was moments when we walked in silence, letting the incident hang in the air. Our thoughts played the scene over and over again and I was positive he was wondering the same as I: what would have been a better way of handling that situation?

The chill in the air started to physically affect me. I felt goosebumps along my arm and my body began to involuntarily shiver. No more than a few seconds later, I felt a heaviness around my shoulders, Namjoon’s scent hit me powerfully. He had taken off his hoodie for me.

“I’m sorry,” he said deeply. “I shouldn’t have said it that way. It’s a constant reminder that we can’t be ourselves whenever we want. Jungkook and Yuna did have a close call and it was a mess covering it up. Most of what I have, I’m grateful for. But every now and then I’m reminded of the negative attributes of being an idol.”

I could see and hear his own hurt. Even though I was well-known myself, my dating life was kept under the radar due to my own personal decisions. I was a private person who never confirmed or denied any of my relationships. But I never worried about any paparazzi taking pictures of me with my partner. If I was caught holding hands or kissing someone, I didn’t care. It didn’t affect my business. However, the same could not be said about Namjoon or any of the other guys. Our worlds, realities, and cultures differed in that aspect.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly to him, not knowing what else I could say.

He gave a small shrug. “It is what it is.”

I wanted nothing more than to stretch out my fingers to hold his hand. But we were still out in public. Several people were out that could still recognize us. I settled for taking a whiff of his sweater, making sure he saw me doing so.

The dimples on his face told me he understood me. He always understood me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was the first to arrive on the red carpet before the guys, but eventually, they caught up to me.

Namjoon and I hadn’t seen each other beforehand. He had gotten ready at the hotel and I had gotten ready at home. However, we timed so we would arrive at the same time.

As I posed for photos, the guys made their way closer to me. Up at the very front of the line was a damn good-looking Kim Namjoon. He looked dashing in his grey suit and blond hair. As my eyes landed on his handsome facial features, I noticed his eyes roaming over my dress. It was a halter-top, flowy material that had a split along one of my legs. The split reached my upper thigh, almost my pelvic. It hugged and highlighted my best features: legs and chest. And the yellow material complimented my skin tone. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t kept Namjoon in mind while deciding on this outfit a while back ago.

Hearing my name being called out, I snapped me back to the present. I resumed posing and form the corner of my eye, I could see the guys starting to pose as well.

Once the round of photos had ended, I publicly greeted the guys at the first opportunity. We took a few photos together and continued on. Namjoon and I did our best to keep some distance between us.

While most of the time, I spent time doing solo interviews, there were multiple hosts who insisted on interviewing me with the guys. Many forgot we were friends and I had been living in Korea for the last two years. As soon as the media remembered, the guys and I were almost stuck at the hip for a handful of interviews.

As we were talking to one of the hosts, Hoseok had been asked a question. I tried to move back to allow Hoseok to get closer to the mic, but in so doing, I lost my footing. If I had been wearing normal shoes, I would have been able to balance, but I was wearing 5-inch heels. My arms shot up, trying to keep myself upright.

A warm set of hands caught me, keeping me from making a fool of myself in front of millions of people.

I looked up to find Namjoon’s hands on me. His instincts had kicked in. A look of worry on his face. “Are you hurt?” he asked with concern, keeping me steady, and searching me.

Other hands took my arm or held my back, ensuring I was safe.

I let out a nervous laugh. “That would have been embarrassing,” I said to the interviewer.

“Good thing these gentlemen were here to save you,” commented the interviewer. “Nice work, boys.”

“Thanks, guys,” I said. Hoseok and Jimin made sure I looked nice and steady before they let me go. Once they saw I was ok, they too let out a laugh.

“Wow,” said the interviewer. “They got really worried for you.”

Namjoon’s hands were still on me and the look of concern on his face still had not left.

He needed to stop—we were in public. There were dozens of cameras on us. I thought of something quickly to stop any fans and onlookers from reading too much into this. “They’re like my brothers, so they’re pretty protective. Very sweet.” I reached up and pinched Namjoon and Hobi’s cheeks.

Hobi giggled while Namjoon took his hands from me, getting the hint. Quickly, the conversation went elsewhere.

I hoped it worked.

The night continued without any other incident. I ended up winning the award I was up for. As I made my way up the stage with the singer I had created the song for, the guys stood up and cheered the loudest. It was very cute.

The guys went on to win plenty of awards themselves.

Finally, I was up for my least favorite part of the night: presenting.

Even though I was fine at meeting new people and thrived when I performed on stage, I always disliked getting in front of a group of strangers and presenting. While I knew most of the people in the audience, I wasn’t friends with them. They were colleagues and standing in front of all of them was not fun. It was anxiety really, just a dislike. And despite how much I hated it, goddamn Kim Taehyung managed to convince me to take this stupid job.

I was presenting the night’s most important category, which only made it more fun. Among the nominees were the guys which only added to the list of reasons why I didn’t want to do this.

Everyone in the industry knew I was close to them, so I was confident they would be winning. The night had been centered around them. They had won multiple times already. This would be the cherry on top of a record-breaking night for them. However, I was still hesitant to fully believe they would win.

After the last of the nominees had been announced, I got ready to announce the winner. “And the award goes to,” I tore open the paper and read the winner written on it. “BTS!” I cheered.

The fans went wild, of course.

All seven of them took a gracious bow and made their way over to the stage where I stood.

We were keeping social distancing for the awards, but I made sure to fist-bump every one of them at least. I'd hug them later when we were alone.

When I reached Namjoon, I could see him shaking with nerves. I took notice of how the others were wrapped around us, covering us from prying eyes and cameras. I took advantage of the window of opportunity. “Take a breath, baby,” I said under my breath so only he could hear.

His vision refocused as he looked at me. I gave him a smile and turned away.

I took my place off to the side, giving them center stage. Namjoon rubbed his hands together—a habit of his when he got too nervous or anxious—and took a breath as I had suggested, and made his way to the mic.

He stumbled his way into the half-remembered speech he had written and practiced numerous times. Even after all these years and the amount of success he had, he still got genuinely elated and surprised when they were rightly recognized. The beauty of his humbleness squeezed at my heart.

God, he was perfect. And damn me, because I was finding myself falling even deeper for him.

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

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