#re-scan of something i scanned forever ago

[chytilovian-daisy]

Shuji Ishii [Cali≠Gari]

#Cali≠Gari #shuji ishii #ishii shuji #re-scan of something i scanned forever ago #now actually with some quality to it! #visual kei #vkei #jrock #v系 #brie uploads #personyal collection

[moonlight-prose]

If you’re taking those as prompts, ❛ don’t you know what you’re doing to me? ❜ with Din perhaps?

LOVE IS A FIRE THAT BURNS UNSEEN

a/n: so i took forever on this, because i kind of fell out of writing for din for...well....awhile. i can tell you this sat in my wips folder half finished for months. honestly i was wondering if it would even get finished. but i was re-watching mando last night and decided why the fuck not. i can't remember which prompt list this was from because it's been so long, but that's okay. this is not beta read or edited, but we live and die by the pen.

summary: on your list of things that could possibly happen while bounty hunting with din, dying from hypothermia wasn't included. nor was finally admitting the truth to yourself about your feelings.

word count: 3.1k+

pairing: din djarin x f!reader

warnings: EXPLICIT SO MINORS DNI, near death experience, angst, feelings being admitted sort of, p in v sex, a hint of choking, they're so in love it's sickening.

It’s fucking cold in the Razor Crest as you sit in the cockpit waiting for his return. You’re bundled in a jacket that has seen better days, but even with the extra layers you swear you’ll freeze to death before he comes back. Tempted to turn the ship back on in order to get some heat—you do the most to distract yourself from the frost currently eating away at the skin of your face. Din’s instructions were clear. Keep the ship hidden until he comes back with the bounty, which would be simple enough.

That is if the bounty he was currently hunting resided on a planet with a temperature that wouldn’t kill you from exposure. Everything had been fine two hours ago. You were working on repairing an old comlink as he tracked the bounty through space, having caught their signal on the outer edges of the galaxy. Except then…they were attacked. Neither of you could see who caused it or even why, but suddenly a lone ship was heading into the atmosphere on the one planet you always said you’d rather die than visit.

Hoth—a frozen pit that once housed the Rebellion of all places.

So, there you were. Shivering to gain some warmth as you scanned the area for Din’s signal. If the ship was right, he still remained alive. You only wished you could say the same for yourself by the time he came back.

The cold had begun to seep into your layers, hitting your chest directly and causing you to cough harshly. If he didn’t return within the hour he would find you dead due to hypothermia. Except that’s not what scared you. It was the fact that he would be the one to find you—a man who showed absolutely no interest in you whatsoever.

You weren’t sure when the crush started or even why, but you do know the realization hit you harder than a speeder-bike going at full speed one day while you were sitting beside him in the cockpit. He laughed at something you said, the chuckle low and slightly clipped due to his modulator and that’s what did it. What had you sitting there in shock—eyes wide—as it suddenly dawned on you that…you liked him. A lot more than you would have ever thought before.

“Maker fucking above,” you muttered, your teeth chattering with the words. “Hurry up, bucket head.”

Vaguely you recalled some survival tips from your time as a teenager on Bracca working as a scrapper. Never touch live wires, always look out for yourself, and when stuck in freezing temperatures—layers become your best friend. So, you stumbled out of the cockpit chair and towards the ladder that would lead you to the rest of his ship. Slow small steps were all you could manage as your body went into overdrive to try and keep you warm. Except the ship acted as an icebox rather than a heater.

You could lock yourself in his small cot, burrowing under the blankets he’d bought because of you complaining there wasn’t enough on the ship. But you’d first have to get there. It was a struggle to even climb down the ladder—your breath coming in gasps as your lungs fought against the freezing air. How long had you been sitting up there? You held no answer to the question, because the results were clear to you now; you were up there long enough to lead you right to death’s doorstep.

Dragging yourself along the side of the ship wall, you flinched as the cold metal touched your cheek. You should have gone against his orders and simply turned the ship back on. It would keep you from this—currently fighting against hypothermia as Din took his sweet time coming back.

The sound of the airlock on the door releasing when it opened brought a small flicker of hope to life, burning bright in your chest. But it faded just as quickly as it came. You caught sight of him dragging a half dead bounty up the ramp—his helmet turned towards you—before you collapsed to the ground. Your body shivering in a final attempt to generate enough body heat in order to keep you alive.

His voice calling your name echoed in the back of your mind as you drifted off—the concept of sleep far more enticing than it should be.

Steady breaths against your bare back was what you woke up—your mind drifting slowly back to reality. Or at least what you thought to be reality. The last thing you could recall was seeing Din’s helmet as your body did what it could to survive. How you ended up in the darkness of his cot, pressed against someone you assumed to be him…naked, was a mystery to you. Perhaps you were still dreaming. This must be how your mind envisioned some form of peace to ease your soul into an afterlife.

“You’re awake.” His voice caught you off guard—the breath in your throat catching.

“How…”

The shift of his body created a low burn of heat to appear at the bottom of your stomach as his arm tightened around your waist—drawing you closer. “You almost stopped breathing when I got back. Your body went into shock from the cold.”

“I was dying,” you said softly, the realization far less jarring than waking beside him in the nude.

He hummed, the low pitch a vibration you felt along your back. “I had to get you warm.”

“So you took off my clothes?” you asked, the smile prominent in your tone.

“Generating enough body heat only works when—”

“Both of us are naked.”

His fingers gripped onto the soft skin of your belly. “Yes,” he replied—voice slightly strained.

Somehow it never registered that he was actually sans armor and clothing until you felt his hand glide further up. The soft skin of his palm turned the spark into a fully formed flame that traveled its way through your body. He was laying beside you…naked. If you concentrated hard enough, you could feel the rise and fall of his stomach against your lower back—his skin soft there too.

Any other time your brain would have short circuited, but the sluggishness from sleep had yet to wear off. It made you rather docile—something you felt oddly grateful for. You were entirely aware, fully conscious of your words and decisions, but the tranquility in your body seemingly spurred you forward. No other time would you be this centered—this sure of yourself—and maybe that’s where you made the mistake, because this was dangerous. Revealing the feelings you’d harbored for months was like poison to your heart…positively lethal.

“Din,” you murmured, the soft heat coming from his body now spreading into yours.

If you knew you’d end up like this after one visit to Hoth, you would have come here a lot sooner.

“Yes?” Even his breath was warm as it brushed across the bare skin of your shoulder. Maker you were close in his bed that was barely big enough for him, let alone you beside him.

“I—” The words caught in the base of your throat, lodging themselves there like a stone you couldn’t swallow. You wanted to say it. Get everything out into the open and be done with it, but your mind seemed to be slowly coming to its senses.

“What is it?”

Closing your eyes, you let out a shuddered breath in the hopes that it would push down the erratic nerves which jumped under your skin. If you chickened out now, you’d never say the words. They’d be your secret—forever trapped in the cage of your heart until it was far too late to confess them. What’s funny is that they seemed like such easy things to say. How hard was it really to say I love you? How much effort did it take? Only you now realized it took a lot more than you expected.

It was far easier to die than to admit your feelings.

“I have to tell you something and I just—” Inhaling, you curled your hand around the blanket beneath you. “I don’t want you to look at me differently if things don’t turn out the way I hope.”

His thumb rubbed a soothing circle against your hip. “I won’t.”

You scoffed. “You probably will.”

The subtle shift of his body against yours caused flutters to go through your heart—rendering you speechless for a moment. He was so close it was maddening. If you had the courage you’d turn around, press yourself to him, and whisper the words against his lips. But you were practically stone, unable to even turn your head slightly to feel the press of his lips against your neck.

“For a while now I’ve felt…well…my feelings towards you have changed.” You blurted them out, hoping it was like ripping off a bandaid. Except the silence of his response hurt more than you expected.

Until—

“I know,” he said, his hand pressing a bit harder on your hip.

Nothing could have prepared you for the shockwave that went through your body. “You know?” you exclaimed.

“I’ve known since our trip to Coruscant.”

You paused, trying to form something to say, but all you could come up with was: “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Why had he let you think he held no feelings towards you? That you were alone in this. You felt him stiffen behind you, his hand pulling away slightly and your heart sank in your chest. Perhaps you had asked the wrong question. Or even touched on a part of this he didn’t want you to see. But you had to know the truth. You knew why you waited—why you couldn’t get the words out for the life of you—but why had he?

That is until he wrapped his arm around your waist tightly, jolting you back towards his body. A soft yelp left you as you tried to refocus yourself in the pitch black space. Except then you felt it. Pressing hard and insistent against your lower back—a part of Din you had only ever imagined, but never seen.

He grunted, his hand splaying across your stomach as you shifted against him. “Don’t you know what you’re doing to me?”

You gasped. “Din—”

“What you’ve been doing?

His hips canted downwards, grinding against you and sending heat sparking up your spine. Enough to combat the cold that still remained in you, but you wanted more. You craved it. Moaning softly, you pushed back against him, pressing your thighs together to hopefully appease the growing ache that formed. Except he was one step ahead of you. Shoving his bare thigh between your legs, he pressed it upwards, grinning at the way your head fell back against his chest—a guttural moan leaving your lips.

“Every day is fucking torture,” he rasped, his hand sliding even lower until his fingers were hovering right above where you needed him most. “Because I can’t touch you.” His lips pressed against the curve of your jaw. “Because I can’t kiss you…”

“Maker,” you gasped, reaching down to wrap your hand around his wrist. “I-I want you to touch me. Want you to kiss me.”

His fingers dipped down even lower, finally parting your folds. A ragged groan was pressed to your jaw, his teeth scraping down against the skin when he found you wet and dripping for him. You could feel his heartbeat against your back. How it was erratic and almost as quick as yours. He was just as nervous as you were—if not more so, because of his creed.

He wanted you to be his, to love him as he was with his creed, but he was scared that this wasn’t permanent. You wanted to show him the inner workings of your mind, the makeup of your heart—how he was seared into it. He was ingrained so deep into your soul that you couldn’t even fathom the thought of being parted from him.

“Are you always this wet for me?” he asked, disbelief clear in his tone.

Nodding, you felt another moan begin to form, only for it to die as he pulled his fingers away. “No—”

“Shh,” he breathed, cupping your jaw as he moved even closer. “I’ll take care of you.”

Heat flooded your stomach, a whine forming in your throat as he pulled you back, the head of his cock now nudging against your entrance. You dug your nails into his forearm, your lips parting to form around his name. A ragged moan echoing in his small quarters, and he began to push forward. Sliding into you slowly as you fought to keep yourself quiet.

“So fucking tight,” he hissed, wrapping his arm around your torso and thrusting into you completely, his hips pressing against your ass. “Won’t last—”

You keened when his hand fell to your clit, circling it with enough pressure to send jolts up your spine. For a moment he simply held himself there. Encompassed in your heat as he worked you over, building your release steadily until you were pressing into him. Your hips rolling against his fingers—fucking yourself on his cock. Soft moans were pressed to your skin, the stubble on his jaw scratching along your shoulder, and that only heightened everything.

For the first time…he was entirely yours. Bare and open as he indulged in something both of you had held back from doing for so long.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you turned your head and caught the corner of his lips in a kiss. Something so tender yet so powerful. It nearly sent you over the edge and you felt Din’s surprise at the action. How his body jolted, his hips nudging forward and fingers stuttering in their motions. Even though he had proudly claimed he wanted to kiss you, to finally feel your lips against his. He had never expected it to come true.

“Cyar'ika,” he breathed.

“I want…” You gasped, hips rolling against his fingers in quick movements as that blinding feeling continued to overtake you. “Kiss me Din. Please, please—”

His mouth found yours in the darkness of his cabin, and you felt your heart scream out. Felt your entire body give into him, his name, his signet forever carved into your heart. He was your future and he knew it. Which is why he kissed you with a fervor that you believed only existed in your dreams—a passion that you felt right down to your toes. His tongue slid along yours, tasting the shitty caf you had earlier—the desperation on your tastebuds.

“Ah…” You tried to form the words on your tongue. The feelings that were trapped in your heart, but they refused to be let loose.

“I know you want to cum,” he breathed, fingers speeding up as your walls began to flutter around his cock. His other hand shifted, wrapping gently around your throat to keep your face close to his. Pressing down lightly as you gasped. “Let me feel it.”

A keening broken moan of his name ripped from you, hands scrabbling to grasp for something, settling for his arm that kept you pressed against him. White flashed behind your closed eyes, his lips swallowing every sound you made as you writhed against him. Gushing around his cock.

You didn’t hear the hoarse shout that he pressed into your mouth, his hips thrusting into you quickly as he followed you off the edge. Filling you with a warmth that you swore you felt  in your chest. Biting down on his bottom lip you sucked into your mouth, moaning when he canted his hips forward, prolonging the sparks that ran up your spine. He was a panting mess and you tried to picture what he looked like.

Was his hair a mess? Were his cheeks stained red? Were his lips swollen?

The urge to simply open your eyes nearly overtook you, but you understood what came with that action. What would have to happen afterwards. Din had explained enough for you to grasp the basic details of what being a Mandalorian meant. So you kept them closed and opted to simply feel. You memorized how his lips against yours felt, what being full of him felt like.

You kept what you could nestled against your heart, remaining here for as long as possible. Din’s cock softened in you, twitching every now and then when your walls fluttered. But you solely had him to blame. Because he was running his hand along your body, grazing your nipples lightly before pulling away—the familiar feelings in your stomach stirring once more. If he wasn’t careful neither of you would be leaving this bed for quite some time.

Which didn’t bode well for you seeing as how you hated the planet you currently resided on.

“Din,” you breathed, pulling away to catch your breath before he dived down again—ready for round two of the hottest makeout session you’d partaken in.

“You want to leave,” he panted. There was something scary about how he could see your thoughts so clearly. You’d have to ask him about it later.

“No…” Your head fell back against his shoulder. “I want to stay here, but Hoth.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “We can stay here for as long as you want.”

Half expecting him to pull out and place his helmet back in its rightful place, you were a bit surprised when he remained put. Curling himself around you closer until his body perfectly molded yours. The cold still remained in the ship—the heaters unable to counteract the snowy planet—yet you found that you were perfectly content to remain right where you were. Wrapped in his arms—the certainty of your future now nestled in his heart. Mimicking yours in every way.

“Din,” you breathed in the darkness, feeling him trace something along your waist.

“Yes?”

“I just wanted to say…” You took in a breath, trying to calm the racing of your heart. “I feel like you should hear me say it.”

He pressed a kiss to your temple, his fingers pressing down. “I know cyar'ika. I feel the same way.”

“You do?” you asked softly.

“I do.”

You settled into the bed, allowing your muscles to relax and your body to once more give into the temptation of sleep. With Din right there, you felt as if you were able to finally relax. To give in and allow yourself to float.

“You know…” You yawned, feeling his chin settle against your shoulder. “Maybe Hoth isn’t so bad.”

He smiled, his lips brushing along your skin as you drifted off, mind succumbing to the sweet snare of unconsciousness. “No,” he breathed, continuing to trace the shape of his signet on your skin, because whether you wore it or not…you were a part of his clan. His life. “It’s not.”

#din djarin x f!reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin smut #din djarin #the mandalorian #the mandalorian smut #my writing

[milksockets]

how do you find old fetish magazines?

i really came here just to say that i think you would enjoy soft skin latex’s Tom of Finland collab but i always wonder how you find such gems. local library prob isn’t a good bet for me. anyways, have a good day 🖤

the vast majority of what i scan are books/magazines that i've sunk an ungodly amount of $ into, primarily through ebay but occasionally i find something out irl in the wild.

as far as libraries go, it's always worth a try. i had an old blog for probably 10 years that was deleted several months ago, which obviously will scar my soul til i die. but some of those gone-forever scans were actually from materials from my university library in nyc. i still live here + now have a library card for the public library system, probably one of the largest anywhere. and it's pretty barren overall when it comes to this sort of content. there are a few books here + there but they're non-circulating so you have to make a whole fucking appointment to sit in a special room and delicately leaf through the pages under the watchful eye of a septuagenarian (no photocopying allowed, of course).

so basically, online is the best bet, at least in my experience. also i check virtually every day for new listings so i can swoop in + swipe cuz there are a few pervs worldwide who seem to want to hoard every printed fetish item ever made.

and thank you re: soft skin latex! i follow them on IG so i saw those posts; looks wonderful.

[whatanightmaregrinch]

Preston Garvey x Fem!Sole Survivor- growing in the garden

Preston hadn’t meant to find it. He’d intended to just place it back into the ground where he found it and re-bury it forever. Sole had come over too quick- excited to see what it was he’d found; he’d no time to hide it from her.  “What’s that?” she chimed excitedly, taking in his find. They’d been plundering around in the irradiated gardens of Sanctuary Hills, removing broken fence poles to clear space for them to upturn the soil, so they could plant some Mutfruit trees. The settlers were short on food, and the Minuteman General was always happy to lend a hand. Her ears, trained to combat, heard when her second-in-command’s shovel hit something hard in the ground. Maybe one of her old neighbours had a hidden chem stash? If she remembered correctly, this house belonged to a friend of Nate’s. She never really saw eye-to-eye with Nate’s friend- oh gosh, what was her name now- Birdy? Beatrice? Beatrice! She didn’t peg Bea as a chem user, but who was she to judge? She barely knew her.  Preston had turned slightly away, the small metal tin in his hands just large enough to pass for a caps stash, just without the tell-tale markings someone might leave to remind them what was in the tin. He’d already opened it, and she could see letters, and a photo- all slightly out of focus from where she was stood.   “It’s...boring. You wouldn’t want to see.” Preston struggled, trying his best to douse her interest with water. She frowned, and nudged him, trying to make a pass for the tin. “What’s in it, Preston?” she asked again, but more insistently. He snatched the tin away from her hands, stepping away from her. Sole was alarmed by this, he’d never acted in such a way, and it was making her heart stutter. She didn’t like the way he was acting. Her eyebrows furrowed, now slightly annoyed with him. “Look, I can’t give you the tin.” He insisted, and Sole couldn’t read the expression on his face. Worry? Embarrassment? What was her companion hiding from her?  “Why not? Is there something in there of yours?” She pried, and he shook his head almost immediately, although a sour look crossed his face after the admission. Had he played his cards right, he could have very well claimed ownership to get her to back off. He hated the position they were in right now. “Then give me the tin, Preston. If it’s not yours, I should be able to look.” She demanded, hand out expectantly. Preston’s resolve crumbled, and the minuteman crossed the short space to his General, closing the tin before handing it over, an unimpressed and confused look cresting Sole’s features.  “I don’t understand what all that stress was, Preston. It’s just a-” Her voice stopped dead as the tin lid popped off, and the picture became clear. Was that... Nate? She plucked the photo out of the tin, inspecting the faded card closely.  A young man, with dark brown hair was stood in the photo. Sad, puppy dog eyes that she’d fallen in love with over two hundred years ago stared back at him, but they were fixed with a loving expression. He had his arm around a woman, she was neat and perfect and most certainly called Beatrice. The thing that panicked her the most, was the small bundle of joy nestled in her arms. They looked like a new family. Preston watched her face crumble, hands shakily diving for the letters that had been wedged at the bottom, a whole wad of paper came out when she pried the ageing letters from the tin. He watched as she read to confirm what he’d already guessed had happened. Her eyes scanned the letter, and her mood dropped with every word. Beatrice and Nate had a whole life together, it was evident from the letters. The way they wrote to each other was romantic, and sweet. Tender words exchanged constantly between the two- it dated back all the way to three months after she’d started dating Nate. She could almost see them together in her mind’s eye, laughing at how stupid she was for not knowing. She knew there was a reason she never got on with Beatrice. Fucking Beatrice-    Preston had seen Nates photo plenty of times, she’d found an old photo of him, fresh out of military service at one of the old stations when they’d been searching for a pack of feral ghouls some settlers needed putting down. She’d kept it close from then on, displaying it on the shelf in her Sanctuary home. He’d spotted her deceased husband on the photo almost instantly.  “You’re right.” She said softly, after gently placing the photo and letters away in the tin, moving to the hole Preston found them in. “It was boring, I didn’t want to see.” Her voice wavered, and she dropped the tin back into its muddy tomb. She started to kick the mud back on top of it, burying it with the side of her shoe in silence. Preston felt awful. He knew he wasn’t responsible for Nates infidelity, but he couldn’t help but overanalyse his role in revealing the dirty truth to his friend. She was someone he admired, someone he cared deeply for- he couldn’t understand why Nate could even consider anyone else when he had a woman like Sole already at home. “I’m real sorry, Sole.” Preston apologised, and she hesitated for a moment, before crouching on the floor to start burying it with her hands. She didn’t respond, but the way her breathing had picked up and her hands shook, he knew she was about to bust open. He knelt down next to her in the mud, the warm summers day they were experiencing no longer felt comfortable, but stifling. He loosened the top button of his shirt nervously as she patted the top layer of the soil down, effectively concealing her husband’s past again. She sat there, hands resting on her thighs as she stared at the newly exposed ground in silence, lips pressed into a fine line. “Do you wanna go in? We can go in.” Preston tried, a hand reaching out to touch her shoulder. His fingertips only brushed the edge of her shirt, but it was like his touch shocked thought back into her brain, and she started to cry. Tears welled up in her face, and she wiped them away on her forearm, but more just appeared. His body reacted on its own, immediately going in for a hug to console her. She didn’t move to hug back, too overstimulated with the feelings that were ripping through her. She didn’t struggle to leave, so he assumed that he was doing the right thing. She cried into his chest, and there were no words spoken between the two. She deserved better than this, surely. Nate wasn’t even around to explain himself to her. She couldn’t help but worry about Beatrice and their child. Did they ever make it to safety when the bombs fell? She didn’t see them at the Vault, she was sure she’d remember seeing a woman with a child, Shaun was screaming his head off in fear and she’d no doubt the poor child in that photo did too when the nukes dropped. She cried for a while, about the mortifying and blatant misuse of her trust, grief over feeling angry at someone no longer alive- the child’s unknown fate. Preston held her through it, rubbing soothingly into her back. He couldn’t truly understand what she was going through, he’d never been in this position himself, but- he was willing to experience it with her. He was the only one who knew, and he doubted she’d go around telling people what they’d found in the backyard. “I’m here, you know. If you need to talk. You’ve listened to me so many times before, I just want you to know I’m here.” He mumbled, and she gave a weak nod in reply. “You want some water? I’ve got some-” He started, gesturing in the direction of his pack. She snorted through her tears. “Whiskey, Preston. I want Whiskey.” 

#preston garvey #fallout 4 #fallout companions #short drabble #comfort #hurt #cheating? sort of #reader insert #fanfiction #i will never tag these right #whatanightmaregrinch

[nabaidhean-neonach]

@thxemazingem from here

Robin is an easy kid— he trusts Em, and maybe just as importantly, he believes that ( for people like them, at least, ) a promise isn't something you can just break all willy-nilly. So with Em's word given, he pops inside looking significantly less frazzled.

Tam Lin watches them interact with a bottomless sort of fondness, although he's careful to tuck it away before Em turns back to look at him.

( There's nothing in the world he's prouder of than his son, and he's grateful to see the effect Rob has on Em; more grateful still to see how his friendship is returned. )

He is a bit taken aback by xer first gut reaction to his admission — maybe he shouldn't be. Robin's mentioned xer protective streak before. He just hadn't anticipated that it would apply so quickly to an adult xe had been eyeing suspiciously just moments ago.

"Oh, that was all his own invention." Tam Lin smiles softly, tiredly. He's been nothing but lucky in his family.

He wouldn't trade them, not for an... easier life, or anything else.

"I'd had a little training in field medicine," he sighs, "so I could usually recognize a break well enough, at least. Even if my dressing left something to be desired."

Sometimes when they'd needed him again, the Court would re-break what hadn't healed right to make them straight again. Sometimes he would limp for months or years in-between.

He shakes off the memory and sits lightly on the stoop, hands grazing the warm concrete of the steps that lead up to the wide porch. He's always loved this house— where Janet and Robin both grew up, as cared-for as children could hope to be. There's a kind of magic to history like that, he thinks. A sense of safety that sinks into the wood and the walls.

"There wasn't exactly a back for me to wish for," he says, slowly. It's not really the answer he thinks xe's looking for, but... well, it was what it was.

"But... The people that I did answer to, then... I think I would have been better off alone. Really alone."

His eyes linger on nothing in particular, the suburban street far from his mind. Occasionally, when it had been a particularly long time since a human passer-by had stumbled onto Carterhaugh, he would be glad to see another faerie knight, even knowing what their visits inevitably meant; it was worse than if he'd simply always dreaded them.

"Of course, then I met Janet," Tam Lin adds, and his expression shifts like the sun peeking through clouds. "I may have been lost forever, if it weren't for her.... But now, I don't have to be alone anymore."

His eyes scan Em's face in a way that underscores the resemblance between him and Robin. "It's easier, to be with people you can trust. When that's an option."

#he's about as subtle as a brick #thxemazingem #ɪᴄ ⚀ tam lin #⚀ hurt #1٫000 ʏᴇᴀʀs ⚂ queue #cw child abuse #cw injury #cw abuse

[bacchicly]

I'm supposed to be reading fics for a bit because I am very behind... AND I LOVE ALL YOU GARVEZ WRITERS OUT THERE! But I'm not settled enough to chill and do it right this instant so instead... Here's a quick run down on what i am going to do next writing wise... mostly so that I can start the thinking process...

1. For DCE (my lovers to friends fic)/Happier version Big Trouble in River City... They are at Christmas Eve - have given the profile and are about to stage the sting with Penelope as bait. I basically need to get them to boxing day with the case...then have them fly home. (End of happier version)... then once they are home I do the last kiss, last time having sex, talking about seeing other people. No happier versions for those chapters... lots of feels and some angst for our lovers... (with the promise of an eventual happy ending after season 15...).

BUT BEFORE JUMPING AHEAD - I GUESS I NEED TO THINK ABOUT THE WHOLE CHRISTMAS - CASE THING... hmmmmmmmm

2. Continue my what has turned into a 'wacky sexisode' series (i.e. Not Tied by Where We Show Up at Work) Now that I finally got the 'friends with benefits thing tabled...we can do what I intended which is a smutty story for each episode of season 15...my plan is to re-watch each episode and then write a story (NOT 12K WORDS!) for each one...with them doing both some zany fun sex things and progressively catching more feelings. it's going to basically be more PW(VL)P. The rules for the next few are: watch the episode (or look it up/scan the transcript) and get the idea - and write something. We'll see how it goes. I want to make them quite episodic.

3. I'm also supposed to do a story about the Lisa years - which I was thinking of doing as an audio series. But I can't start that until DCE is done... and then there's the WE FINALLY GET TOGETHER story I had planned - but now I need to decide if I'm ignoring the existence of DCE (probably) or not. We'll see if these projects ever happen... and if they don't - I may just have to finish DCE differently. hmmmmm

Last but not least - I'd like to move a bunch of my work to A03. I think I need to put together some sort of schedule for that... because I've been talking about it forever and have done nada about it. And I probably should revamp my master list here - since it's turned into a gong show.

On a non-CM fanfic side - now that I have proved to myself I can write - I'd like to go back to working on some of my unfinished scripts - specifically Trigger Sylphs - which I was almost done before I fell into the really hard phase just over a year ago.

#garvez #bacchic writes #criminal minds #luke alvez #penelope garcia #unfinished scripts

[togamzee]

The last time Rio had cried while getting on a plane, he was 9.

The attendant offered sympathy in her glance while he stepped up to check in. Blinking tears away with an unashamed grin down at the screen, he scanned his boarding pass and let himself disappear down the bridge. Looking back would have stopped him in his tracks; even for a heartbeat, enough to let him confirm the suspicion that he hadn’t quite been kidding when he offered for her to come along; like a feral cat a child so desperately wished to take home, irrational of an idea as it was. It’d been five total nights–that was all he spent in Japan. He should have left yesterday. Had this excursion gone according to plan, Rio Riley would have fought and beat Marcus Bader today. He would have spent his evening in a celebratory afterparty, likely solidifying some type of a relationship with Harper across both their socials in his oddly manufactured world. Not that he’d have thought of it that way five days ago. It would’ve just been his world, period, his flash and fanfare holding him steady on the upward climb of his career. Instead, he felt an elusive hollowness; something he couldn’t quite grasp at, something he had to wipe off his face in the form of tears even as he took his first class seat.

Pulling his phone out on mere habit, he skimmed over the message from Max detailing the plan on his arrival. He had to say something on someone’s camera to re-hype the match, the sooner the better. If he could get home and presentable in time, he could still make UFC 300 press conferences, could still get into some ‘friendly’ shit talking with Marcus, without much setback.

Max Dawson: You could even foreseeably be right back in the ring tomorrow. (Relatively speaking. Your current today, our current tomorrow. Isn’t crossing the date line delightful?)

Rio chewed at his lip, leg tapping in thought while his thumbs hovered over the keyboard. That didn’t sound bad. Instant distraction. Wouldn’t fully work, though.

Rio Riley: forgot to mention i actually did fuck my arm up, i got (non professional loooool) stitches in it rn that probably gotta get redone before im swinging at anyone lolol :) i gotchu on the press conference though my boy. see u soon

The bubbles from Max typing on his end immediately popped up, and Rio put his phone into airplane mode. Normally he’d get in flight wifi; however, given the demand for explanation that was about to send his manager into a frenzy…that, and the urge to message Shizuru would likely be too strong. He should let her live her life. He tried (evidently not hard enough), he tried to spare them from this weird and inexplicable pain.

If he had any luck, he’d sleep soundly on the plane; enough to dull the looming barrage of questions and company the second he landed. The turbulence had other ideas, it seemed. He spent the vast majority of the flight in a simmering state of anxiety, silently laughing at himself for experiencing a trauma response. Hopefully one that wouldn’t last forever. He reasoned it wouldn’t; that reexperiencing tremors of an earthquake wouldn’t keep an anxious chokehold on his mental state when he went through anything remotely similar–starting with this god forsaken turbulence.

Not that he succeeded. In total, he likely got three hours of sleep. Rubbing at his face, he stood as soon as him and the rest of the first class passengers could get off this fucking plane. Rio swiped a menu on his phone screen down to press the airplane button as he walked along the bridge, heart breaking as Shizuru’s message came through.

Too tired to cry, he smiled, responding to her before the resounding “Rio!” and “There you are,” from two voices could hit his ears.

Rio Riley: we look so cute wtf. thank u izu. flight was mid

Much as he had the night before his life changed, Theo picked him up in a hug. Rio couldn’t manage much outside of a low, “Hey, man,” while Theo squeezed as much of the life out of him as he could. He patted his large mulleted friends back, undeterred by the hug; grateful to see his dumbass friend again. Max, significantly smaller in frame, frantically paced next to them, speaking quickly as he always did; “No–no. No. Let him down. No! No. He’s hurt and insufferable and he’s–ohmyfuckinggod he has a fucking hickey–”

“What?” Theo exclaimed, setting Rio down. Hazel eyes nearly burst from his skull, and quite well could have before Rio smacked his hand over the spot Shizuru left on his neck. He rolled his eyes while he moved past the two who’d come to collect him. “It’s all good. Don’t worry about it.”

“So you need a MUA now? Are you dead ass serious, Rio Riley? You better pray to God someone between here, your house, and that fucking stage has a concealer for you, I–you know what? There will be. Obviously. And stick to a hoodie, cause I will blow up when I see whatever patch job you’ve got–”

Has my life always been like this?

Max had a friend already waiting at his house to conceal Shizuru’s returned mark of ownership as they pulled up. Rio had dreaded the thought of his makeup artist help being Harper, though Max would never be that foolish. In any case, he hadn’t replied to the influencer’s “You’re back!” message yet. He told himself he’d get to it later, maybe; though he had a feeling later wouldn’t come.

Max only had one remark left before he and his client left for the conference; after the shower and clothes (and makeup.) The blond had his arms crossed, hip jutted out while he waited for Rio to climb into the back of the waiting SUV first. “Please don’t let your fresh baggage fuck you up, Rio. Please? You are quite literally a champion in the making, and I can’t watch you fuck it up.”

“I’m not fucking it up,” Rio mumbled, not turning to look at his manager while he slid into the seat.

He wasn’t fucking it up; he was sure of it. Rio breezed through the conference, able to attribute his absence to the earthquake; which would get hit with more questions surrounding his well-being versus the exact circumstances that placed him there. He couldn’t help but wonder if his dad had something to do with that–reporter questions most often followed scripts per individual. Grayson Riley wouldn’t let his son be interrogated about Seara. Rio let his dad know the situation before he left for Japan all those days ago. Instead, he could smirk and lean back in his chair, one arm draped over the back side, idly wrapping and unwrapping his fingers around the microphone in his hand.

“So you felt it? What happened?”

“Wasn’t exactly in the best spot, so. I dunno. A lot. The room I was in collapsed. Only needed a few stitches from the deal, so Marcus gets to wait on me now.” He grinned over at his next opponent, seated three chairs over with other fighters placed in between. The American snorted, which came across lighthearted (enough).

Their exchange in the ring eight days later was far less pleasant. Rio overcame him quickly. He felt hungry for it. Eight days of endlessly interacting with others, which included (but wasn’t limited to!) doctor visits (where Shizuru’s stitch job was begrudgingly complimented, albeit undone,), lunches (where he was questioned about Shizuru), dinners (where they learned to stop questioning him about Shizuru,), the stitch removal visit (where he nearly messaged Shizuru,), a gym day to follow (where he couldn’t stop himself from sending a blatant thirst trap to Shizuru, his first message since landing), a podcast episode (where he talked a little more about the earthquake–and maybe would have said more, if Shizuru hadn’t been so opposed to being known.)

In his fastest match yet, Rio took home another win against Marcus Bader, a longtime favorite from the United States. If Rio’s career had been a tidal wave before, the 10 second knockout Rio delivered to Bader turned it into a tsunami.

It showed in the parties. And even though Rio had successfully avoided Harper for eight days, he couldn’t very well stop her from taking selfies with him that night at the club. He managed to inconspicuously keep her off of him and be elsewhere, drinking with a vengeance until he was set to leave. Harper had stumbled after him; she grabbed his arm and pulled with a surprisingly drunken strength. Rio turned his head to face her, groggy from his own heavy dose of whiskey.

She hiccuped. “Wh–where’ve you been, Rio?” Like a doe on her heels, the girl trotted to stand in front of him, wobbling all the way. “Are you good? You seem weird.”

He didn’t want to seem weird. He really didn’t. He bit at his lower lip, duo eyes searching Harper’s mouth while she gabbed about something else, probably another drunkenly concerned comment when he grabbed both sides of her face and made an honest effort to kiss the influencer girl.

His nose stopped just short of brushing against hers, though. She was stunned, silent now, wide eyed, mouth gaping.

Rio was equally stunned. He blinked, a slow grin forming when his laugh cracked the silence, head shaking. “Holy shit, she ruined me.”

“What?”

“‘M sorry, Harper.” A half smile took the place of the grin, and he watched her face for a few moments more before letting go. He didn’t give her much of a chance to respond, or maybe he did. His memory got foggy after that, the best he had was bits and pieces of drunkenly cursing and whining about Shizuru to Theo on their ride to their hotel.

Rio figured Theo had forgotten, too, or didn’t remember…whichever.

He brought her up nearly two months later, as the two of them spotted each other while lifting.

“You still talk to the girl from Japan?”

Rio nearly wanted to drop that bar on him.

He answered. “Yes. Not enough. It’s complicated.”

“Why don’t you just bring her over here?”

“Dude.”

Theo gave him a knowing look.

He already let her down on her birthday. And while he hadn’t made any concrete promises those few weeks ago, he’d been hard as fuck on himself over it as if he had. He wanted to see her back then. Unfortunately, he had to fight Thomas Briggs; and moving the day was impossible, unless he wanted to fuck things up. Sometimes he considered doing it anyway. And he’d subsequently feel like a piece of shit for typing a “wanna fly out?” message, deleting it, and refunding the tickets he’d only just purchased. Even if she didn’t know it–he felt like he was dangling carrots. Say she did come. He couldn’t very well just take personal days in the peak of UFC season to be with her. And she deserved more than seeing him fleetingly.

That rationale coupled with his foreseeably never ending, top to bottom fully scheduled days meant he could only message her a few times a week, with something funny, cute, or some variation of selfie that more often than not was purely his eyes on up.

After 6 wins within three months (and of course, 0 losses,) Rio Riley faced and beat Kristian Ackermann, the final match that secured Rio’s place in the heavyweight champion title match. Almost. Almost. He enjoyed the after party this time, in spite of the hollowness everything came with nowadays. So much so, with enough liquor to make his vision blurry, he’d decided to message Shizuru; though he usually tried not to bug her with his career things. This was an exception. Cause really, he could maybe stop dangling carrots, even if it took another month–?

He didn’t articulate that too much in the text, upon morning hungover hindsight. He’d sent a blurry, glowing club picture of his eyes with the caption, im a mf winner

A day later, (which, he knew was a relatively fast turnaround time compared to his normal two or three day delay between texts), he went to message her again, captioning a sweaty gym thirst trap selfie as sweaty gym thirst trap selfie. While he typed, Theo’s nose stayed planted in his phone and exclaimed, “Dude, you didn’t hear?”

“What?”

“Japan had another earthquake, like. The other day? Or something?”

Rio blinked. She had messaged him since then, so he was able to ward off the immediate panic. Didn’t change the newfound one, though.

Why didn’t she tell me?

Rio stared back down at his phone. He deleted the message, grimace forming. They hadn’t really…talked. Sure, they texted. A few times a week. But it was never deep.

That was his fault. Most likely.

Still–she didn’t tell him. His heart ached. He wasn’t mad. But she didn’t tell him something like that? Fuck, he would have told her if it’d been him. It could have been a joke, even, just something one off because surely, surely he’d ruined her like she ruined him–and she’d be upset if he hid something like that from him. Right?

That kicked puppy expression didn’t leave his face for days.

Harper noticed it in the club, too. Rio hadn’t even wanted to be here, not really. He drank regardless. The brunette had slid into the spot beside him in his booth with him barely feeling the motion, mind reliving the image of Shizuru in a format so similar to this. Every motion he’d made on the redhead that night–every sensual touch as they danced, the kisses at his neck, even when he fucked her after leaving–the whole time, it’d been Shizuru he wanted it with. He was fucked up for it then, and as Harper slid her leg over his, shifting to straddle him in drunken fervor, Rio found himself potentially fucked up for it now. His breath shallowed, pushing at the small of her back to bring her hips in towards his.

She hooked her arms around his neck, pulling her head back to look him in the eye and leaned in. Rio closed his eyes, shaking his head while managing to dodge the kiss. She gaped at him, once again.

Rio gave her a shockingly sympathetic look. “...Still ruined, Harper. Thanks for confirming that.” He pushed her away, and pulled out his phone. Fleeting or not–fuck it. Fuck it.

Rio Riley: can u please be at the airport tomorrow please. im sorry its late notice. i bought your tickets already so please

[extravaguk]

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

wordcount: 15k

genre: summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader

rated: m (fluff - smut - angst)

warnings: you broke jungkook's heart you bitch!! , oral sex (m&f), protected sex (shocking tbh), CL as your bestie it doesnt get better than that! idk i dont wanna spoil too much

author's note: fucking finally dude!! i've been writing this since february but school was kicking my ass. now that i finished my exams and mercury is in gemini i was able to finish it. if you read this, i hope you enjoy it!

Inkphoria

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping the flyer too tightly, rumpling the paper in your hand until you're pretty much sure it's ruined. It's the first day of June, and it's already too hot. The sun and humid weather are causing beads of sweat to form in your hairline and your white tank top to stick to your skin. Your jean shorts didn't feel this uncomfortable a few hours ago and you're sure the heat is causing your mascara to transfer to your eyelids and lower lashline. You've never needed a slushie and a smoke this bad in forever, even if you knew the later would make your parents lose their shit.

Inkphoria

You read it again. Your brain is trying to guess what font its written in, an excuse to try to steady your heart beat until your nerves ease a little and you can finally gather the courage to step into the damn shop. You've noticed a few people passing by giving you strange looks because maybe it hasn't been fifteen minutes. Perhaps you've been unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the street for longer than you want to admit.

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

'Its not that much of a big deal. It's not even that painful, trust me.'

You wish you could trust your best friend, but your best friend is also the same woman who assured you Cats was the movie of the year. Yes, not 'Cats: The Musical'. 'Cats', the movie.

'And this could be a great start to get out of your comfort zone and start living your life exactly the way you want to, not the way people expect you to. Not the way your family wants you to, not the way Adam wanted you to.'

But although her credibility could sometimes be questionable - like that time she also told you she'd tried marmite and 'honestly, it's not as bad as people make it out to be'-, you also didn't trust anybody in this world as much as you trusted her. She had always been your entire support system, the only one around you who never sugarcoated, who always treated you as an equal, who was always there for you to help you discover yourself and, at the same time, remind you of who you were.

'And it's gonna look so hot, too.'

That's it. Sticking the wrinkled flyer on your back pocket, your feet finally start moving. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing open the door.

The first thing you notice is that, thankfully, the shop is empty. The second thing you notice is the bright sky blue walls, a green undertone peaking through. Your eyes scan nervously the interior. Frames with tattoo designs and people modeling other different designs decorate the walls, some skateboards also hanging from the ceiling. A few plants in the corner, and two leather couches on either side of the room. Your scanning stops on the counter, where a girl with short, platinium hair and -what you guess is- the eighty percent of her body inked. Face included. She's been looking at you, a smirk tugging at her lips. Her tone is amused when she speaks

"Hi." she says. "You can come closer, you know? We don't bite."

Great. As if you couldn't feel more out of place, apparently you also couldn't look more out of place.

"Sorry." you gulp as you walk forward. "It's my first time doing anything like this."

She laughs this time, but it's not mean. It's not mocking, thank God, and the smile she sends you is as warm as the weather, friendly, luckily helping you calm down a bit. "A virgin, huh? JK's gonna love this." your eyes jump in surprise, but she's fast to wave her hands in front of you. "Just a joke. So, first time getting a tattoo. You have something in mind, honey?"

"Um, no. Not a tattoo. Not yet, I think." you wet your lips, regretting not reaplying chapstick before stepping inside. "A piercing."

"Oh! Cool!" she claps her hands, too excited for your own taste, pulling from under the counter a catalogue. "So, where will it be? Cartilogue? Nose? A lot of people are getting their septums pierced right now, though, so you might-"

"Nipples. Like, one of them."

Her gaze finds yours in surprise, although her face swiftly transforms again into an amiable expression. "Now, that's badass. Alright!" she skims through the pages of the catalogue until she finds the nipple piercing collection. You scratch your head before wiping your forehead sweat-free. "You can pick either barbells or hoops, although barbells heal faster and they don't move around as much. There's different kinds of metal, too. Gold or platinium. If your skin is sensitive, I recommend titanium. It's hypoallergenic and not as problematic."

The blonde keeps talking as you nod your head, a smile making its way into your face while silently thanking her for her easygoing personality. It quickly makes you feel comfortable and stupid for being so terrified of doing this.

Once you decide, settle on the cost and sign the papers, she stands up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "Ok, I'll go tell my coworker. He's been sketching tattoos all morning, it's time he gets to work!" she laughs, but suddenly your smile banishes and your throat shuts down.

"He?" your alarmed tone halts her motions and she looks back at your frightened expression.

He? A he is going to pierce your nipple? You're about to let a random stranger, a HE, see and touch one of your boobs and then pierce a needle through one of your nipples?

"Oh, baby, don't worry. I'd do it myself if I knew how to, but I only do tattoos. Most of our staff are on summer vacation so it's mostly just him and I. If you don't feel comfortable, which is totally understandable, you can wait until september when Minzy comes back and she can do it for you." It's her turn to scratch the back of her head as she adds: "but trust me, we're professionals. He's not a creep or anything like that. He's been doing this for a long time. He won't cross any boundaries."

September? You won't even be here in september. Fuck.

Sure, you could do it when you move back into the city. But this summer was supossed to be the summer. You already decided after your breakup with Adam that there would be no trace of the old you. That it was time to push yourself, to do the things that you've always wanted to do, unapologetically. To find the new you, the real you. To stop being scared.

So after going through you options for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, you make up your mind.

"It's fine. I can do it."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"JK, sweetheart!"

Jungkook is finishing drawing a Chinese dragon when Mijoo opens the door without knocking. Again. He puts the pen down, rubbing his eyes. It's monday, a slow monday, not much work, and he had hoped it would stay that way until closing time. It's summer and Jungkook hates summer. He hates the heat, he hates being drenched in sweat, and he hates the fact that he can do nothing about it. Because working in the summer is terrible. Summer makes him lazy, makes him want to bathe in a tub full of iced water and not get out until he turns into a raisin and october comes. It makes him irritable. Summer makes him annoyed by people -like Mijoo, even if he loves her to death- and himself.

"I got a girl here who wants a nipple piercing, her first piercing by the way, so get your shit ready and bla bla bla. Straight titanium barbell. Also, don't flirt and don't be creepy. She almost ran away when I told her a male was going to be touching and piercing her tit, be mindful of that. She's too cute, if you want to get her number you should wait until it's done. I think that's it. I'll bring her in in a minute."

Mijoo leaves as fast as she talks, but Jungkook is already used to it. He's already used to the headaches her mouth causes too. He sighs before standing up, tying his too-long raven hair into the best bun he can manage. He washes his hands, sets the table up, sits on the chair and puts the gloves on. He's too busy sterilizing the jewerly when Mijoo comes back with you.

"Alright, my babies. I'll leave you to it." she turns to you. "He'll explain everything, from how the process will be to how to take care of it after it's done." she leaves before saying bye, closing the door behind her, and then he finally turns to you.

Your eyes meet and suddenly everything stops. He almost drops the sterilizing machine, his whole body tensing, going into panic mode as he recognizes you immediatly. His hands shake.

Of course he does. Of course he recognizes his high school crush. The too goody two shoes, too pretentious and too rich, too good for everybody and, most importantly, 'too good for Jeon Jungkook' girl of his high school dreams. Of course he recognizes the girl he had confessed his stupid crush to when he was sixteen. Of course he recognizes the girl who rejected and broke his young and foolish heart when he was a dumb teenager.

It doesn't matter that six years have passed ever since. He still knows every lock of your hair like the palm of his hand. He still remembers the shape of your lips and the exact shade of your eyes. He can still identify the body he fantasized about -and jacked off to- when he was a hormonal teen, now filled in all the right places. Now a grown woman.

Just one look at you after years and years of pining is enough to almost make him faint. And grow a boner under his jeans.

And by the look on your face, your eyes wide and your mouth agape, you recognize him as well.

Dammit.

He schools his features and clears his throat. Forces his body to relax and compose himself, because he's not a teenager anymore. He's also a grown man, who has matured, who now has much more experience with women than he did back then. He had already embarrased himself enough when he was sixteen to be doing it all over again. You're just another attractive girl in a sea of attractive women.

He turns to you. You still haven't said anything. Neither has he.

"Um, you can sit on the table." he manages, motioning to the set up in front of him. He watches you taking doubtful steps until you're sitting down, your eyes avoiding his gaze. He almost forgot you were here to get pierced. Holy shit, you were here to get pierced. To get your nipple pierced.

You're a professional, Jungkook. You can do this, Jungkook. You've seen boobs before, Jungkook. You've pierced nipples before, Jungkook.

Clearing his throat again and forcing his hands to stay by his side, he speaks. "The... The top." your gaze finds his, like a puppy about to get scolded. You look at your top, realization dawning on you. "You don't have to take it off. You can just pull it down."

So you do, pulling the straps of the white tank top down and dragging the fabric down with trembling fingers. No bra. Jungkook gulps as your breasts comes into vision. As perfect as he had imagined years ago. His cock twitches. Round, full, perky and so damn inviting he has to hold himself back from latching onto one nipple with his mouth around it and swirling his tongue over the nub until you're a pretty, moaning, little mess on his piercing tabl-

He closes his eyes for just a second before reminding himself to act like the 23 year old Jungkook he's tried so hard to become. The confident, assured Jungkook he is.

"Okay, this is how it'll go. First I'll clean it and scrub it to get rid of any bacteria." he's so glad he hasn't stuttered yet. 23 year old Jungkook doesn't stutter like 17 year old Jungkook. He's also glad he can pick the alcohol bottle and the surgical scrub without trembling. When he faces you again, you're watching his motions with your lip caught between your teeth. That has him swallowing the lump in his throat.

Making eye contact with him again, you take a deep breath and offer a small nod, so he gets to work. He can show you and himself he's a grown man. A grown man who can pierce a nipple without appearing like it's the first time he's seen a boob in his life. The sooner he does it, the sooner it's over.

Jungkook wets the paper towel with alcohol before carefully wiping over your nub with it. Your back arches, probably from the cold feeling, he guesses. He rubs it a few times before throwing it in the trash can nearby. He avoids looking at how enticing the soft peak is salluting him when he reaches for the marker. He doesn't say anything when he dots it with it, jaw clenched and his dick painfully stiff.

"Lay back." his voice low as he commands, turning away to get the clamp. When he slides closer, he tries to ignore the view: you, with your hair sprawled and your sweaty, shiny skin and your eyes focused on the cieling, nipple fully erect, like the star of one of his most erotic dreams. He extends his free gloved hand before he can stop himself, fingers carefully working the nub until he's sure it's painfully hard. Almost as hard as he is.

You gasp, your back arching again. He stills and looks at you, your cheeks flushed pink. Probably from the heat, he guesses again. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He can't stop himself from wondering how responsive would you be in a different setting, most likely his bed while his teeth play with your breast and his cock dives into-

"You okay?" he studies your face, your eyes not meeting his and instead still focusing on the white ceiling.

"Mhm." you reply with a small voice.

"Relax, alright? It'll be over soon." his voice is as gentle as he can, his fingers mindlessly caressing your breast to try to soothe your nerves. Or maybe it's just because he's a selfish bastard. Whatever it is, he forces himself to bring the clamp to your nipple, securing it around it.

"Take a few deep breaths. This will only take a second of pain and then it will go away." He misses the way your mouth falls open, but he doesn't miss the way your eyes squeeze tight as the needle goes in.

"Ah!" he definitely doesn't miss that either. He goes rigid for a second, because that didn't fucking sound like a cry of painfulness. It's breathy, and whiny, not too loud and, for fucks sake, if that's how you sound when you're getting fucked, he swears to God-

He feels your heartbeat under his hands when he puts the barbell in and then the bandage over it. He takes a look at you, chest moving up and down. And then you take a look at him and what he sees is almost enough to take you right there.

Reddened cheeks, drops of sweat framing your face and those eyes glazed with something he's seen too much in the women he's fucked throughout his life. They're half lidded, mascara adorning your long lashes and almost smudged, looking right through him.

"Jungkook..." and your voice, as you say his name -acknowledging him for the first time since you stepped into his shop, for the first time since you were sixteen-, it's hoarse, almost inaudible, like you just came all over his-

He's on his feet in an instant like he's been burned. "It may bleed for the first week, and it can be really sore. The swelling will eventually come down." he's quickly tidying up the table, a bottle in his hand that he hands to you without looking directly. "Wash it gently with this soap and warm water once per day. Don't touch it. Wear a comfortable...bra. If it gets crusty, clean it with saline. Not alcohol or any other thing you might clean a wound with. The soap I just gave you or saline. Nothing else."

He's pacing around the room as he takes his gloves off and throws them in the trash bin, too agressively maybe, then he keeps rambling, like he's hurriedly trying to make you leave as soon as possible. "Avoid pools and the sea. It takes about six months to a year to heal, so don't... don't touch it, don't play with it or..." he clears his throat, "don't let anyone else play with it. And if it gets infected, come back immediately and I'll take a look at it." which he honestly hopes it won't happen. When he faces you, your top is back on and you're getting off the table.

"Alright, um...I'll do that." clearing your throat, your hand gripping the doorknob. "Thank you."

But right before you can exit the room, Jungkook says your name.

"_____." when you turn around to face him, it takes a few seconds for him to make eye contact from across the room. "It was good to see you."

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"Let me see!"

It's the first thing Chaelin says when she opens the door to her appartment. It's on the second floor, small enough to compare it to most expensive appartments you'd stayed in throughout your life, but big enough for Chaelin, her cat and her -impressive- collection of acrylic nail kits and pairs of high heels. It's also big enough for her to offer you the only guest room until summer is over so you didn't have to, one, stay at your parents' place, and two, find an appartment in a short period of time for a short period of time.

When you left years ago, you did so with the thought of 'never looking back'. You never really expected to return here, of all places. Maybe visit your best friend for a weekend at most, have dinner with your parents on a saturday and then go back to the new life you'd made for yourself on a sunday.

But that was before you'd caught Adam cheating.

Tale as old as time: childhood sweethearts get engaged, move in together, son of a bitch sleeps with the assistand he told his girlfriend not to worry about, and then the brokenhearted girl packs her bags and leaves the cheating bastard begging for her to come back.

You'd be lying if you said you were surprised.

Throughout your life, you'd learned to expect many things, regardless of being sheltered and babied by your family since you were born. Watched too much Maury and Dr.Phil. Too much Gossip Girl to know what the deal with life really is.

So, thankfully, you'd only shed a few tears, mostly because your ego and self steem were slightly triggered. You'd realize long before that your feelings for Adam started to disappear once he popped the question and you said yes. Your love story began as teenagers but soon after graduating, the two of you went on different paths: you'd matured, grown into your twenties while he got stuck at 17 and never stopped acting as such.

So yeah, whatever, break ups are hard. But they're not as hard when the love is gone and the sole reason to stay with your partner is to please your parents. You were also right when you expected your mom to tell you to 'forgive and forget' because 'those things just happen, it's not a big deal, honey'.

But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

The lanky nerd with braces, glasses and an anime obsession much bigger than his hentai obsession, which is saying a lot. The shy, awkward classmate who'd stuttered his undying crush for you when you were just kids. That one who you had rudely rejected like the bitch you used to be in high school.

But my God, Jeon Jungkook was anything but a kid now.

You were shocked. You were gagged. Couldn't seem to fathom what was happening and what your eyes were seeing. It took you a while to close your mouth when you realized JK was Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

With messy black hair, a smoldering gaze free of glasses, piercings adorning both ears, and his right eyebrow,, the braces long gone showing perfectly straight - but still bunny like- teeth. The clothes he wore were loose, all black, but it was impossible not to notice the muscles of his back and arms, covered with tattoos from his hands to his forearms. You'd bet there were more of them underneath the fabric.

It was awkward at first. You didn't know what to do, or what to say. Didn't know if he rememberd you. So you chose to stay quiet while your body chose to react like it had never been in the presence of an attractive young man in it's entire life.

And oh, did it react.

He was reluctant, his old timid demeanor peeking through his newly adopted persona. But as soon as those hands came in contact with your skin, your whole body was lit on fire. Like you were 16 and losing your virginity over again and it was the first time a dude touched your boobs.

There shouldn't have been anything erotic about it -besides the fact that your entire breasts were exposed-, it should've been just a professional procedure. But those gloved fingers touched and pinched and suddenly you were too aware of Jeon Jungkook and the way you were starting to sweat profously, not due to the heat of the season.

You tried to distract yourself by looking at the cieling and not at his gorgeous face. Tried to avoid thinking about Jeon Jungkook and how his mouth would feel wrapped around you. Tried not to think about the way your panties were a second skin to your folds, and how tempted you were to grind your hips until you recieved some sort of friction with the jean fabric of your shorts. You wonder if he noticed you squeezing your thighs together. You hope not.

And then the needle happened. You never thought of yourself as a particularly kinky person. Sex with Adam was boring for the most part and you'd lost your libido for a long time. Stopped thinking about sex altogether. But the pain. The pain mixed with his hand rubbing soothing circles on your breast and his voice, as sweet as honey, guiding you through it. It made you reconsider a lot of things you'd once dismissed as 'weird' or 'deviant'

You swear you almost came right on his table.

And then your eyes connected, you made the mistake of calling his name like a satisfied woman who still needed more, and it was all gone. He stood up like a scared cat, gave you a bunch of explanations about the aftercare that you barely grasped without even looking at you and pretty much rushed you to leave.

So you walked, all the way from the tattoo parlor to Chaelin's appartment, mortified, and completely humilliated.

"Are you gonna let me see or not?" your friend says expectantly as you finally sit down after chugging a glass of iced water. You sigh, placing the glass on the table before carefully pulling down your top. "Oh my God, it looks so cool!" she gasps and you can't help a smile while she studies it in amazement. "Did it hurt?"

"Um, I guess." you keep out the part where you almost orgasmed, obviously, stopping her hand from touching when she reaches towards you. "Wait, no. He said something about not touching it for like six months or a year, I don't remember."

At that, Chaelin's eyebrows quirk up. "He? It was a he? Was he cute, at least?"

"You won't believe this..." looking away for a few seconds, you take a deep breath. "It was Jeon Jungkook."

There's a pause, a silence that fills the room when Chaelin's jaw drops. "Jeon Jungkook...pierced your nipple?"

You close your eyes, bracing yourself for what you're a hundred percent sure is coming.

"Ha..." there it is. "Ha ha..." you still know there's more. "Ha ha ha..."

Chaelin laughs hysterically for about God knows how long, while you keep drinking your glass of water unfaced, your mind drifting back to Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie, his tattoos and his stupid gloved hands.

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You know he's here.

Everything was cool, you were doing alright, having a great time with your vodka sprite in hand and your cute white bikini on. Chaelin was by your side, the guys were excited to have you back and thankfully, you'd avoided most questions about Adam and they'd avoided digging too deep into the topic. You'd sunbathed the whole afternoon, kept away from the water like he'd told you and ate the Hawaiian pizza Yoongi insisted on ordering despite Namjoon's and Jimin's complaints.

It's at night, when you're a little tipsy and your cheeks are flushed, that you feel it. You'd barely noticed Taehyung disappearing to let in a new guest.

You don't see him, but you feel him.

You're sitting on the pool tile steps, legs dangling and the water baely reaching your belly to make sure it doesn't touch your very sensitive and newly pierced nipple. Your back is facing the sliding glass doors of Hoseok's house, but the moment you hear his voice, smooth but animated as he converses with Taehyung, your body wakes up immediately, back straightening, goosebumps forming on your arms and nipples tightening against the fabric of your two piece.

You don't turn around, instead opting for downing the remaining of your drink and coming to the realization that, of course, Taehyung, social butterfly who'd always got along with everybody and remained friends with most people from high school, still keeps in touch with Jungkook.

You ignore him when he enters the pool, still peering from the corner of your eyes while pretending to be engaged in Chaelin's and Jihyo's conversation. Your mind sabotages you by taking you to that day a week ago at the tattoo parlor.

To the warmth of his hand, to the few strands of hair that his small ponytail couldn't keep together, to the way his eyes focused on such an intimate part of your body, to the endless ink decorating his skin, to-

Great. Now your bottoms are wet and not due to the water.

You don't miss Chaelin supressing a laugh and her not so subtle elbowing. You glance at her in warning and try to keep calm for the next fifteen minutes until Jin proposes moving to the living room to watch a movie.

"I'm gonna stay here for a little longer, guys." you say, after clearing your throat. You needed some time to gather yourself before being in a confined space with Jungkook.

"Are you sure?" Jin stops by your side to place a hand on your shoulder as everybody starts exiting the pool. "It's Mean Girls! You love Mean Girls! You never miss a minute of Mean Girls!"

Rolling your eyes, you wave him dismissively. "I know every dialogue on Mean Girls like the back of my hand, I think I'll be alright, Jin."

When everybody finally leaves, you take a deep breath, covering your face with your hands in an attempt to get him out of your head. Damn Jeon Jungkook and his irresisitble glow up.

"You okay?"

The unexpected voice startles you, a gasp finding its way out of your mouth and causing you to jump on your seat, heartbeat erratic as you instantly recognize who it belongs to. Your hand grasps your chest as if that would do anything to protect yourself against him.

"Shit, don't do that!" you say, the words almost getting stuck in your throat as you see him approaching you, still submerged in the pool. The more he nears you, the less water depth there is and the more visible his torso comes into view. Wich was exactly what you'd been avoiding.

Because Jeon Jungkook was ripped, as you'd imagined when you first encountered him.

Broad shoulders and strong biceps and chiseled abs and veiny forearms. Drenched hair, a full sleeve of tattoos and water dripping from delicious tan skin and all just so very hard. That paired up with a loopsided smile that does nothing but make you shudder.

"Sorry." he doesn't sound apologetic at all when he says that, the smirk adorning his features telling. "You just seemed a little off." you advert your gaze when he pushes his hair back.

"I'm fine, just...just wanted to be by myself."

"Oh" Jungkook's smile disappears. "I can leave, if you want me t-"

"No!" you're not sure where that comes from and neither does he, judging by the look on his face when your eyes find his. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly parted, he's as surprised as you and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "Um, you don't have to. I mean, it's not my house, you can do whatever you want." you sniff and tame your voice, trying to seem cool and collected like you didn't just practically beg him not to go.

Ironic, considering this was exactly what you had been fearing for the past thirty minutes.

And then he smiles. A knowing smile. A smile that says 'you just totally checked me out and now you don't want me to leave'. A smile that you would have never associated with Jeon Jungkook of all people years ago. A smile that makes you want to look away but still keeps you in place.

"Sure." he says, closing the space between the two of you slowly but still leaving enough distance. "So, how's it going?"

You clear your throat, head high and determined not to let this man, or any man for that matter, turn you into a trembling mess. You're still you and you're not easily shaken by the opposite sex. Or at least that's what you helplessly chant in your head.

"Everything's cool. I'm on summer vacation now," a little white lie, "so I decided to-"

"The piercing." he says, the smile never leaving his face. "I meant how's the piercing."

"The pier- right." you almost miss the step he takes forward, all too aware of his height over yours but thankful for the centimeters that being propped on the stairs added to yours. "It's-" you almost, almost miss his knee touching your knee and him slightly separating your legs with his own inch by inch. Or how your thighs open unvoluntarely to welcome him in and how you can barely find coherent words to speak. "It's doing-" or the way his smile disappears and is instead focusing his dark stare fully onto yours.

"It's doing well." you finally say in a whisper, not being able to bring yourself to be louder.

He hums. "May I see it?" Jungkook wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and the action and his voice is enough to make you nod your head, bewitched.

His movements are unhurried, his hand coming up to tentatively come in contact with the flesh of your clavicle. His fingers skim through your skin upwards, his touch is feather-like when it wraps around your throat. You pant, and he stops but he doesn't move away, his eyes still focused on yours, studying you, daring you to pull back, to tell him to back off. But just a simple touch of his and you're fully under his control. It reminds you too much of the day you got that damn piercing.

Your lips are parted and for a moment he stays just like that. His body so close to yours but not close enough, and his hand slightly gripping your neck. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you can't wrap your head around the fact that something so simple sets your entire being alive and leaves you aching.

Then, as slow as he started, his hand travels from the front of your neck to the back, pushing your hair aside to carefully untie the straps of your bikini. He breathes through his nostrils, doesn't make a sound. He seems so collected it's starting to annoy you.

Instead, your breathing is ragged when the top falls down, exposing both your breasts to him. That's when he removes his eyes from yours and his jaw clenches. Your nipples perk up under his gaze, like they remember him and the effect he had on them just a week ago. You're at least glad you're not the only one affected but he seems to be a master at keeping it under wraps.

Then, his hand moves again, leaving goosebumps on your skin as it goes south. Jungkook takes his time, so deliberate you want to scream, until he's cupping your pierced breast, keeping away from the nipple just like he'd advised you a few days prior. You can't look away from his face, from his eyes observing you like you're a full course meal and he's been starving for days. You feel drops of water falling from his hair to your thighs, his thumb caressing your skin so delicately as it faintly nears your still tender nipple. Just nearing it, never touching it.

"Beautiful." his murmur is almost imperceptible and for a moment you think you've imagined it. Your back arches on its own, breast pushed against the palm of his hand, almost like your body is begging him to come closer, to touch you more, to feel you all over. He meets your eyes briefly, gauging your reaction, before going back to your chest. Suddenly, the grip on your breast tightens, fingers ever so softly squeezing your flesh. From your throat comes a mewl, your eyes shut and your legs close around his waist.

"Jungkook, please..." you whisper when you open your eyes. He looks at you, unvertainty written all over his face, lips bruised as if he had been biting on them too hard, gaze as glassy as yours. And just like that, the spell is broken. He blinks and his expression changes completely. Lips forming a straight line and jaw tight. His hand retracts, fixing your bikini top over your breasts before tying it around your neck like it originally was. Meanwhile your eyebrows crunch in confusion. But when you're about to start asking questions, he clears his throat.

"It's healing okay." he steps back, avoiding your eyes. "I'll see you inside."

Jungkook leaves the pool like nothing happened.

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Jungkook is fiddling, fixing the position of his glasses and combing through his straight hair with shaky hands, habits he's tried so hard to get rid of in his sixteen years of existence but still finds impossible to.

He can't help it. He's always been like this: the quiet and awkward kid in class who sits in the back, a misunderstood puppy in a sea of stronger dog breeds that could eat him alive. An outcast. Too geeky for his own good. Notebokes full of Dragon Ball doodles on the margins of the pages, the shelves in his room stacked with Marvel figurines, and a closet filled with outdated clothes that he has been inheriting from his older brother.

He has never been the type to stand out, always being overlooked by people like he's invisible. He doesn't mind though. He'd much rather be ignored than getting picked on by bullies like he used to in elementary school.

He never gets invited to parties. Ever. He's a nobody who barely speaks, and when he does he either stutters or manages to embarrass himself in one way or another. He's seen the look on people's faces when they look at him. Their eyes seem to scream 'weirdo' everytime he gets acknowledged.

So obviously the only reason he was invited to this particular party had a first and last name: Kim Taehyung. The only kid in Jungkook's entire life who didn't look at him in a funny way, the only kid who took the time to entangle in a random conversation with him after class and who seemed geniune enough to make Jungkook feel comfortable.

He's not sure how it happened, since Taehyung mostly hangs out with the cool kids. But somehow it did, and now Jungkook is uncomfortably standing in a living room full of drunk teens, looking directly at you.

You, the one girl Jungkook had been pining on for God knows how long. You, who are obviously too pretty, too popular, and way out of his league. You, with your plaid skirt and your polo shirt and those legs that never seem to end. You, who are sitting with your friends in a couch, drink in hand and visibly tipsy. And yet, he doesn't think he's ever seen anyone pull of the 'drunk-rosy-cheek' look better than you.

He can hear your laugh through the music and he already thinks it sounds better than whoever is playing in the background.

"Come on, Gukkie! Her friends are leaving and she's all by herself now! It's your chance" Taehyung's obviously drunk too because it took Jungkook a while to decypher his exact words. He'd disappeared for a while and now that he's back, he's pushing Jungkook in your direction.

"This was a mistake, Taehyung." Jungkook shakes his hair and steps back, quickly glancing at the front door to prepare his escape. But his new friend's grip on his hoodie keeps him in place.

"Guk, listen. The only thing you have to do, is walk up to her, and say 'hey I think you're, like, really pretty. Just letting you know. Bye!' That's it. Jung- Dude, Guk, seriously, look at me." Taehyung grabs Jungkook's cheeks, squishing them between his hands and forceing him to face him. "You've been crushing hard on her for years, my man. We're graduating and you won't see each other again. What's the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected?"

Jungkook's eyebrows draw together. "Um, yeah?"

"Exactly! Getting rejected is not the end of the world, bro! It just means keep trying on other girls!" Taehyung releases his hold on Jungkook's cheeks. "I just think you're going to regret not telling your crush she's your crush. Who knows? Maybe in the future you two will get married."

Jungkook snickers, muttering a 'yeah right' under his breath. Still, he can't help the smile that Taehyung's words always seem to pull out of him.

"Now," Taehyung playfully slaps Jungkook before turning him in your direction again. "Go get 'em, tiger!"

"Okay," Mijoo's voice slices through Jungkook's memories. She's sitting on Jungkook's desk, munching on her brownies and looking at her coworker expectantly. "And then what?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sits back on his chair, already feeling the effects of Mijoo's baked goods. "And then I walked up to her, like a damn fool, stutter and all. And I say:" he clears his throat, making an effort to do his best teenage Gukkie impression."'Hey, _____, um, so, I think you're beautiful and I've had a crush on you since seventh grade, haha, just wanted to let you know.'"

Mijoo rolls her eyes, still chewing. "And then what?"

"And then she looked me up and down, giggled, fucking giggled, Mijoo, and said 'Who are you, again?'" Mijoo gasps and Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to force that recollecion out of his head.

"What a bitch." she can't help but laugh before apologizing. Jungkook merely shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite of his brownie. "She didn't say anything else?"

"She said something along the lines of:" he clears his throat again, this time, doing an impression of you. "'That's sweet and all but, you and I... we're not the same. And I have a boyfriend, so...' She said that like I didn't know, like I wasn't aware of the school's it couple! Like I was dumb!"

Mijoo nods. "And now you want to fuck her even more than you did in high school."

"I- No! Well, yes. Fuck, of course I want to sleep with her! But I just... can't."

"Why not?"

"Did you hear anything about what I just told you or were you too concentrated trying to get high?"

It's Mijoo's turn to roll her eyes. "I heard everything you just told me. I just don't understand what the problem is. You two were sixteen. Sure, she was a bitch about it, but Lord knows I've been a bitch my entire life and now I'm not anymore." Jungkook raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, sometimes I can be nice. But the point is..." Mijoo finishes her piece of brownie before getting off of Jungkook's desk. "It's been, what? Nine? Ten years? People change, JK. You're the best example of that. You want to fuck her and she obviously wants to fuck you too. You're both adults." she wipes her hands on her shorts. "I think it's time you fulfill that high school fantasy of yours."

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You've made up your mind.

And by you, it means Chaelin has made up your mind.

It didn't take long to convince you though. That last interaction with Jungkook cause too many emotions stirring within you. It left you hot, it left you bothered, it left you confused. Sure, it also left you a little bit embarrassed like the first time, but above everything else, that interaction with Jungkook left you absolutely livid.

Because who the fuck did Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as Guk, Gukkie, Jungukkie, and currently known as JK, think he was to come near you, speed your heart rate's up, and then runaway like that?

You've spent days thinking about it. About that face, about that body, about those hands and- shit. You're doing it again.

You've spent days trying to push those intrusive thoughts. Spent days trying to bury what happened. You've spent days trying to keep quiet, not telling anyone about it and just wishing that stupid spark of desire simply went away.

But it has just been simply unavoidable. You haven't been able to ignore the sleepless nights with your brain drifting back to that night and forbidding your hand from slipping under your panties. Or the excessive amount of time during the day where images of him suddenly popped in your head and wouldn't go away, even with you squeezing your thighs to try to make the ache go away.

So you ended up ranting and ranting and ranting to the only person you could confide on, who is obviously your best friend. Your best friend, who's too smart for her own good and knows you too well for your liking. Because apparently your moodiness and snappy remarks couldn't go unnoticed.

And after explaining the fiasco over a bottle of wine -and minutes of endless laughing on Chaelin's part because, again, it's Gukkie you two were talking about and, according to her, this was "the most karmic thing I've ever seen"-, she gave you the best advice an older sister could ever give.

"Fuck him."

"I know right? Fuck him!"

"No. I mean, fuck him."

And now here you are. Right inside that room you stepped in weeks ago, confronting the man in question with the same confidence that has always distinguished you from others and trying to act like the fluttering inside your belly wasn't nauseauting.

"A date."

"Yes."

"You want to go on a date with me." this wouldn't be so hard if Jungkook didn't look so delectable in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans. You cross your arms over your chest, doing your best to not look down at the exposed skin of a man who obviously worked out a lot and apparently, never skipped leg day. "What's the catch?"

He's sitting on his chair, back resting comfortably and legs spread, narrowing his eyes at you and probably wondering why the girl at the front desk let you in without an appointment. Also, probably wondering if there was a catch to all of this.

"There's no catch. I just want to go to the fair this weekend. I'll ask Taehyung for your number and text you the date and the exact place we'll be meeting. Unless..." your quirk one of your eyebrows. "Unless you're already planning on how you'll chicken out this time."

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Of course, Jungkook says yes to going on a date with his high school crush but spends the following days overthinking every single thing.

He can't help but feel like it's kinda sketchy. What if you're planning your vendetta on him? What if you don't even show up and he ends up there looking like a damn idiot? What if you hate him and are just messing up with him? What if that incident in high school is going to repeat itself?

"If she doesn't show up, you simply move on and never speak to her again. It's that simple. She can't have that much power over you to cry about something like that." Mijoo had said that same day she let you in the tattoo parlor after you'd asked to see Jungkook. Jungkook's coworker hadn't even question you and just motioned you to Jungkook's room with a knowing smile on her face. Later that day, Jungkook had scolded her about it and she'd simply shrugged.

He considers cancelling, eyes reading the 'won't be able to make it, sorry (sad face emoji)' over and over again and fingers hovering over the send button so many times he's lost count. But then he remembers that comment of yours about him chickening out and Jungkook starts seeing red.

How couldn't you understand he's just terrified of you rejecting him one more time? Sure, Jungkook is now an adult who doesn't get butthurt over stuff like that. He's experienced too much after graduating from high school and he's a much stronger individual than his fragile self back was back then.

But something about you just makes him feel so... weak.

He still finds it impossible to concieve where he got the courage to approach you like that at Taehyung's pool, or how he brought himself to touch you for longer than a minute without coming in his pants. He'd enjoyed it too much. Allowing him to see you so exposed, just for him. He'd be so tempted to kiss you right there and then, to run his hands up and down your thighs and fully wrap your legs around him to let you known how much you'd affected him. Once you called his name, it was like he'd finally snapped out of it and backed away like he'd been burned by you. He spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep himself from pulling down his pants and jerking off in his friend's bathroom.

It's terrible. Because he feels like the teenager he used to be when you're around. Shy, insecure and overall a mess. You showing up in his life after so many years and now apparenly being interested in him seems like a dream that he's not sure he wants to keep being in or wake up from before it's too late and he falls back into that tumoltuous longing that will inevitably end up in heartbreak. His heartbreak.

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It's saturday night, he's standing by himself in the crowded fair at the spot. You're fifteen minutes late and he's already about to turn back and dip out. He feels too awkward and the nerves are eating him alive.

You're not going to show up. You're not going to show up and now he feels and looks even dumber than the time he told you he was crushing on you. You're not even going to show up and now he's going to come back home, get drunk by himself and curse your name for-

"Hey!" he turns around to the sound of your voice and sees you running towards him. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my phone and spent like thirty minutes looking for it. Turns out, Sharon Stone, was taking a nap on top of it and I didn't even notice."

"Sharon Stone?"

"Chaelin's cat."

To be honest, he's too surprised to process your explanation right away. He might also be a little speechless because that sky blue sundress looks too good on your skin and your eyelashes are so long, framing your beautiful eyes, and your lips are all glossy and kisseable that it takes him a while to find his own voice.

He clears his throat. "It's alright." scratching the back of his head, he momentarely adverts his gaze from you in an attempt to not get distracted by how soft your hair looks and how much he wants to wrap it around his hands in a ponytail. "Um, where do you want to go first?"

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Almost an hour and a half later, when the sun has already disappeared and you're both surrounded by colorful lights, Jungkook decides to buy the both of you hot dogs and a drink and you both settle down on a bench.

You've been walking all over the fair, going from booth to booth, playing any game in sight Jungkook dared you to -he obviously had a competitive streak-: from the ballon and dart games, to the shooting games, to the bumping cars, to the ball-in-basket one. To say you were having fun was an understatement.

You'd almost regretted setting the date up. You were sure he wouldn't even show up and if he did, you were scared of how awkward things could get between the two of you. And if things were awkward, you were sure it would only take less than thirty minutes for the both of you to part ways and never talk again about such failure of a date.

To your surprise, none of that happened.

The conversation was flowing, both of you acting like you were strangers on their first date getting to know each other, which, to be fair, that's exactly what it felt like. There was a slight banter, teasing each other when one of you lost in whatever game you were playing while the other was obviously winning. There were laughs and a funny feeling in your tummy whenever you'd walk side by side and his arm brushed yours.

There was no stiffness on his shoulders, no mention of the past or your previous encounters, no acknowledgement of the blatant sexual tension you'd experienced before, not an ounce of avoidance whenever your eyes met his and he was even sure of himself enough to place a hand on your lower back or briefly interwine your fingers with his to guide you through the mass of people.

It felt like you'd both unspokenly agreed on making each other feel comfortable enough to have a good time.

"I didn't think you were going to show up, to be honest." you suddenly say, taking a sip of your strawberry juice and thankful to finally let your feet rest for a while.

Jungkook looks at you, hot dog mid air and eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline. "You didn't think I was going to show up? I didn't think you were going to show up." you simply shrug, lowering your gaze seepishly, the beginning of a smile on both your faces. He surprises you by tilting your head in his direction with his forefinger. You watch him watching you, a little dazed, a little lost in how his dark hair messily falls over his forehead and his equally dark eyes study your face, his thumb swiping over your lower lip. "You um... There was ketchup right there." he lies.

"Oh" you say, feeling your face heating up. "Thanks. Red doesn't really match this dress." you manage a smile and tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.

At that, he eyes your dress for a moment, mouth slightly ajar. He's debating on whether or not to say something but you beat him to it.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"For being late? I already told you it's fin-"

"No." you shake your head. "For... that time when we were young and I was such a concieted brat." you say, looking away , trying to find anything else that's not his pretty face. "I thought I was a queen bee back then. I was annoying and rude, specially to you. I..." you lick your lips. The cherry glittery gloss was already gone. "I thought it was cute, what you said. There was no reason for me to act like that. I know this doesn't make anything right but..." when you turn to face him again, there's still the same expression on his face. "I'm sorry."

A few seconds go by before it's him who's shaking his head. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, anyway." he smiles at you, although it doesn't reach his eyes and seems sorta forced. You sigh, and he takes your hand. "Let's go to the ferris wheel."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

tell you're tense. You're sitting right beside him in the ferris cabin, your back is all straight, you're facing forward and he believes you haven't blinked for what feels like an eternity. He thinks it has everything to do with your conversation a few minutes ago. You were probably not content with his response but what could Jungkook do? There was really no point in apologizing for something that happened years ago, but at the same time, he didn't want to hold anything against you like a resentful asshole because it was really not who he was. But there was still a little bit of stingyness inside of him and he didn't know how to make it go away.

At the end of the day, here you were, on a date with him that you'd asked for, getting along and asking questions about him and laughing at his jokes and trying to start all over again.

But then the ferris wheel starts moving, and he finally understands why you look so uncomfortable.

It's the way you immediately grip his forearm, nails digging in his skin and he swears he hears the smallest gasp forcing itself out your throat.

"Are you... scared?" he tentatively asks.

You say nothing for a while, not moving an inch. He would laugh if you didn't look so pained about it.

"I don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters." you finally say through gritted teeth.

"It's not really that small and ferris wheels are not rollercoasters. " your nails dig deeper and he winces. "Okay, okay. You don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters, and that includes ferris wheels. So why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I've never liked ferris wheels but you seemed excited about it, so..."

There's a silence after that in the environment, neither of you exactly sure of what to say or how to act. Until Jungkook moves one of his hands hands until it's resting on the one who's holding onto him for dear life, fingers caressing yours. The warmth of his hand spreads through yours and although it's almost July and you can already feel your sweaty back staining your dress, it's oddly comforting. What's more comforting even, is him twisting his body towards you and talking with the calmest and most soothing tone you've ever heard.

"Look at me." you do instantly, unwillingly, and kinda wish you hadn't. It's almost as if your body will do anything he says without question. Like he has some sort of power over it to just react however he wants. His eyes bore into yours and suddenly the cab doesn't seem so suffocating. "It's just you and me right now. We're not even on a ferris wheel." the corners of his mouth turn slowly upwards. You zone out the environment, suddenly too aware of him and how close he is and how loud the beating of your heart is to your own ears.

"Jungkook."

You swallow the knot in the back of your throat when he removes his hand from yours. It almost makes you protest, - now realizing you've losened the tight grip on his arm- , before it craddles your face, keeping you in place while bringing his body closer.

"You have to stop saying my name like that."

With his thigh touching your thigh, your whole demeanor melts. When he leans closer, and you feel his breath fanning over your lips, your eyes shut closed.

"Tell me I can-" he starts to say.

"Yes." you finish for him. He doesn't doubt on closing the distance between you two. His lips touch yours and your body shakes in excitement. It's just him lightly skimming your lips with his but it's already too much and at the same time, not enough. It has you deepening it, yourself moving closer when he kisses you again. It has you relaxing against him, the tenseness prior disappearing and making you arch your back when his tongue asks for permission.

But it's exactly then, the moment you open your lips to him, that has you losing your mind.

The sparks fly, traveling from your head to your toes and then settling on the pit of your stomach as soon as the kiss starts to turn desperate and rough. When he nibbles your lips with his teeth, it makes you mewl and whine and your nipples tight against the cotton of your dress. It makes the metal barbell to feel uncomfortable, slightly painful. And when he goes back to being messy and filthy with his tongue tangled with yours, your thighs close on their own.

He forces himself to pull his hand back and bring it down, finding the parting of yd opening them for him. "Wait," you say, your fingers wrapping around his forearm as you try to catch your breath."The ferris-" he shuts you up with another kiss.

"We're not on a ferris wheel." he reminds you, a soft whisper against your mouth. And for whatever reason, you believe him.

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"He fingered you on the ferris wheel."

"Yes."

"And you came before the ride was over."

You take a small sip of wine, your eyes focusing on the TV where a rerun of the Golden Girls is playing, although, to be fair, lately you haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else but a certain brunet with doe eyes and kisseable lips. "Yes."

She hums, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between your thighs.

"How long did it took? Like five minutes?"

There's a pause in which you clench your jaw, your fingers twitching around the glass in your hand, and then you answer. "Probably less."

There's another pause, and then-

"Ha...Ha ha...Ha ha ha-"

You let her laugh. It's okay. You knew you had it coming.

Chaelin knows the pillow you throw right at her face is also something she had coming.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's not that you're mad.

Jungkook and you had a great time on that fair date, he made you laugh, bought hot dogs and drinks for the two of you and got you off inside the cab of a ferris wheel on record time with those magical, long fingers of his. Technically, there shouldn't be anything to be angry about.

Except it's been a week and you can't stop thinking about him, about wanting more, and about those words that he left you with after the ferris wheel ride ended, when you had tried to return the favor.

'Next time, maybe.'

And there hasn't been a next time.

The thought of texting him or giving him a call to ask for another date is persistent in your mind. It remains while you do the laundry or wash the dishes, while you shower, while you eat or while you spend your days at the beach with Chaelin. There's always the incessant desire to reach out towards your phone, unlock it and dial his number to beg for more.

But you'd never been one to beg, so you resist the urge everytime that feeling starts to creep up on you and it washes over you like a wave. You silence your phone and try to concentrate on making the most out of your summer.

It's one random night, when you're tiredly dragging your feet across Chaelin's apartment's carpet, yawning and ready to succumb to a well needed slumber, that you see your phone screen's lighting up with a message.

Your heart pathetically leaps inside your chest when you read his name.

'you free on saturday?'

You wish you could say you ghosted him, ignored his text and moved on with your life until it was him who begged you for another date. But the truth is you opened it in a matter of seconds and typed 'i'm free, why?' back in a rush with trembling fingers.

So now you're on the passanger seat of his car while he sits on the driver seat, the first saturday night of July, like he's Danny Zuko and you're Sandy Olsson, watching a vintage movie in a drive-in theater which plot you don't give a shit about, even if Jungkook's date plan idea made something inside of you churn with adoration.

And the only reason why you don't give a single damn about the movie playing in front of your eyes, is because you're hot. Way too hot. And the reason and cause is none other than the boy-now-turned-man sitting on your left.

You barely exchanged words when he picked you up, just rode in silence until you got to your destination and you bet he can feel as well as you do the tension in the air.

You've surveyed him a few times from the corner of his eye, noticing him fiddling with the rings around his fingers and shifting in his seat from time to time. And if the sight of his fingers bring memories that you've tried to bury to keep yourself from lunching towards him, a brief glance at his forearms, adorned with ink drawn through his golden flesh -doing a poor job at concieling the veins running underneath- and his skin-tight jeans wrapping those muscled thighs of his is enough to have you be the one squirming in your seat.

A woman can only endure so much, and you come to that realization thirty minutes into the movie.

"I want to suck your cock." you say, a stern expression on your face as you turn your body in his direction.

Jungkook frozes as your voice slides over him. It takes him a couple seconds to look at you, shock widening his eyes and parting his lips.

"Huh?" he manages, his grip on the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.

Without separating your gaze from his, you gather your hair and tie it in a ponytail with the hair tie previously around your wrist. You don't miss the quick glance he sneaks into the curvature of your neck and the valley between your breasts.

Inching forward, closing in on him, you place one of your hands on top of his thigh, the action making his whole body tense. "____..." he whispers your name in a warning that doesn't sound convincing even in his own ears.

You smile, your eyes never wavering from his as your hand inches upwards, slowly caressing over the fabric of his jeans until you finally come across what you were looking for.

His hand flies to your wrist, stilling your movements. "____, this is not-". He starts, but his voice gets stuck inside his throat when you palm his undoubtly growing erection.

"Shh." your shaky breath fans over his cheek and you force yourself on your knees on the passanger seat in a more comortable possition to stop the trembling to reach them.

You fumble with the belt holding his pants in place, then with the button and finally with the zipper. He helps you by lifting his hips to pull his jeans and boxers to his thighs and you have to bite back a mixture between a gasp and a moan at the sight below you. You haven't even seen Jeon Jungkook naked all the way, but the mere sight of his hard cock with pre-cum glistening on his crown is probably the sexiest thing you've ever had the pleasure of appreciating.

It gets sexier when you wrap your hand around the base and his body melts in the driver seat, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. It gets even sexier when you finally lower your head, swirling your tongue over the head before finally engulfing him fully in the wet warmth of your mouth.

"Shit." his voice is tight, uneven as his hand loosely grips your ponytail, as if careful not to accidentally hurt you and break the glorious moment.

Although you wouldn't mind at all. Because the moment your hands are on him, and your tongue is on his shaft, that's the only thing you care about. Your belly is twisting, an undeniable wet spot on your panties as the fabric sticks to your folds, and the more you suck Jungkook, the more you want from him. His earthy taste is addicting and the soft little whimpers he occasionally can't prevent himself from are making you want to milk him until he can't take it no more. There's this desire within you to whorship him and his cock like you had been dreaming for the past weeks.

"This is s-so fucking h-hot." he rasps between ragged breaths, the bobbing of your head, sliding up and down his dick as your hand works the centimeters your mouth can't take is about to make him faint.

"Getting a blowjob?" you joke, your throat starting to feel sore as you kiss his leaking tip.

"N-no." he draws in a rough breath when you take him all of him again. "You giving me a blowjob... T-the f-fact that anyone c-could see us..." he darts a quick glance at your body, your ass up in the air and your dress sliding down, almost exposing you completely. "The fact that-ah! Shit..." he squeezes his eyes when he feels a glob of your spit lubricating him.

There's a sudden need to make you feel the same, to touch your skin and have you shaking the same way you have him. So one of his hands travels from your spine, to your perked ass, finally dragging the cotton of your dress to allow himself to see your thin white panties. "The fact that anyone could see you l-like this," he murmurs, regaining a little bit of control when he squeezes one of your cheeks. "letting t-them see you s-sucking my cock and..." he smirks when he feels you gasping around him, his fingers trapped between your thighs and pushing them inside your heat easily "and letting them see me fingering this pretty little pussy."

Soon after that he's cumming in your mouth while you're cumming around his fingers.

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At first, it's mostly on weekends when you see each other. Weekends of stolen kisses and soft sighs and whispering against each other's lips. Then weekends turn to week days, sitting on grass while sipping on refreshing beverages, drawing each other laughs, elbows touching as you walk around the park side by side because the both of you are too scared to interwine your fingers together.

Jungkook feels content like this: sitting on the sand with you between his thighs, admiring the sunset while nuzzing your neck and inhaling your scent every now. He likes waching you enoying your strawberry ice cream, almost forgetting the chocolate chip one already melting in his hand.

"If you were an ice cream flavor,which one would you be?" you ask him, relaxing against his chest.

"Rocky road."

"Why?"

He shrugs behind you. "Everyone likes rocky road."

You hum, playfully rolling your eyes. "What about me? Which ice cream flavor would I be?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer."

"Lemon sherbet? Out of all of the flavours out there, you're rocky road and I'm lemon sherbet?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer." he corrects.

"Okay, fine. Why?"

"You're boring and basic."

You gasp, trying to feign outrage but not being able to repress the laugh that escapes your throat. You elbow him, his laugh mixing with yours while taking the time to wrap his arms around your form, the breeze blowing your hair allowing him a spot between your neck and your shoulder. "You're boring and basic, but once you have a taste..." he presses a small kiss on your skin, causing the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck to rise. "Once you have a taste, specially on the hottest day in the middle of summer, you can't stop tasting and licking until there's no more lemon sherbet left."

You suck in on a breath when he craddles your jaw to face him. "It's been my favourite flavor since I was a kid." he kisses you immediately after, his lips swallowing the small whimper now stuck in your throat.

You close your eyes as his tongue opens your mouth, arousal blasting your insides and something much, much deeper that you fear to even name shredding your chest.

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The beginning of august comes faster then you two realize, but what you both do realize is how hard it's becoming to stay away from each other.

It's been thirty days of dates happening almost everyday, sharing high school memories and anecdotes of the time you spent away from each other. Hours of getting to know each other and opening up to each other. From failed relationships to new friendships. Of park dates walking side by side and fingers now interwined because you both realized one day that, fuck it.

It's difficult to sleep when you realize you're starting to catch serious feelings for somebody who was just supposed to be a fling. It's hard to sleep when his face, his voice and his touch and thoughts of missing him when you don't see each other start haunting you at night.

It's hard for Jungkook to focus on work when you're everything that's occupying his mind. Because he has a hundred sketches to make but he's too busy thinking about the hundred different sketches he would make of you.

It's hard not to send him a goodnight text, just like it's hard for him not to reply in a matter of seconds, almost as if he was already waiting to recieve it.

Jungkook thinks of you at night. Of how pretty and absolutely perfect you are for him. Of the taste of your lips, the way your hair feels between his fingers, or the flush on your cheeks when he makes you cum as droplets of sweat accumulate between your breasts. He thinks about your voice. He also thinks about the amount of hours left to be able to listen to it again.

But mostly he thinks about how ridiculous this situation is. Because he was stupidly crushing on you when you were only teenagers, daydreaming about a chance with you. And now his crush is long gone and he's starting to realize that he's falling, and falling fast.

You, too, think of Jungkook at night. Of his ability to bring a smile out of you, to soothe you with just a few words and filling your belly excitement, happiness and feelings you're sure you've never felt before.

Jungkook's managed to imprint himself in your dreams, and you, in his.

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Getting drunk with Jungkook is fun and messy.

It's fun because he lets loose, he stutters a lot like he used to do when he was a teenager and he makes you laugh louder than ever before. It's messy because he has no control over his hands as they explore your body, clumsily taking your clothes off as his mouth laps at the breast he's allowed to touch.

He's more forceful and dominating too, pinning your hands above your head, and commanding you to keep them right there, on the pillows of his bed. When you rebel against it, your fingers finding the hard planes of his chest, he pulls away from you and places them back where he left them. "Don't make me tie you up." he threatens, and your body shudders beneath him.

He sucks, and bites and leaves marks all over your skin, grunting in response to your moans. Creating a path of kisses from your lips to your stomach, his shoulders separating your knees, opening you up only for him. And thankfully, when you reach down to tug at the strands of hair framing his face, he lets you, because he knows you need something to hold on to the moment his tongue eats you up. He leaves his fingertrips on your thighs as he keeps you in place, not allowing you to runaway. Just forcing you to take it as he takes from you.

And when you cum, he doesn't back away. He keeps sucking, and licking and punishing you with his mouth until you're cumming over and ove again, screaming and begging for his cock.

Having Jungkook over you, both completely naked, skin to skin and only sweat in between is more than you could've ever fantazised about. He slurls your name when he puts the condom on. He would do anything to feel you raw, but he also knows he wouldn't be able to last a minute. The sight of you spread open, with your cheeks darkened by a crimson blush and your hair tangled all over his pillow is a picture he wants to keep forever.

He enters you when you call his name, your voice dripping with need. He stretches your warm and wet felsh, slowly easing himself into you at first, until he's fully inside and your bodies are completely in union. A shiver runs down Jungkook's spine when he looks at your contorted face in pleasure, your lips forming an 'O' and your pussy clenching around him.

"Oh, my God." you moan into the dark of Jungkook's room, and even then, he can clearly appreciate every curve of your body lifting off the mattress to connect with his. He lowers himself on his elbows on either side of your head, caging you in and capturing your mouth with his.

"I know, baby." he murmurs. It's hot, in the middle of August but suddenly Jungkook doesn't hate summer as much as he used to. Not with you sharing the heat with him. "It's way beyond what I could ever imagine." You nod hurriedly against his lips, your arms finding their way around his neck as he starts rocking in and out of you.

"It's too good." you cry, when he hits a particular spot that has you rolling your eyes in bliss and gripping his waist tighter with your legs against you. Your fingers thread through his hair, not bothered by the beads of sweat gathered on the nape of his neck.

"Too good..." he agrees, not missing the shiver that's shaking your own frame when he picks up his speed. "You have no idea what I would do t-to fucking feel you with n-no barriers between us," his movements become frantic as his hips slap against yours, his jaw clenched as he keeps talking, "to s-stuff you full of my c-cum over and over again until it won't stop d-dripping."

Jungkook's voice against your ear has you trembling and your orgasm nearing closer, your nails scratching down his back as his thrusts overpower your form. "Would you like that?" he asks with his voice strangled.

"Y-yes. Anything y-you want."

"You'd take all of my cum like a good cum-slut?"

You hate the fact that that's what makes you come undone. The twisting and knotting in the pit of your stomach finally snapping until you're holding on to him like you never want to let him go and he's following soon after.

Because if Guk, Gukkie, Jengukkie was not only able to make you come in less than a few minutes with his fingers or his tongue, but he was also able to make you cum instantly just by calling you a good cum-slut, that means you're fucked. Like, really, really fucked.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

There's a knot in Jungkook's stomach and a suffocating grip around his vocal chords as he caresses your skin. The sun is rising in the distance with the first rays of light entering his room through the window. Your shamphoo is intoxicating him, numbing him and enticing him to bury his nose in the tangled curls pressing against his chest. Your arm is thrown across his stomach, your breathing leavig goosebumps all over his body.

"It's too early. Go back to sleep." you mumble against his heart. He wonders if you can feel it dangerously speeding up.

"I can't." he says, voice struggling to stay balanced. "I have to tell you something."

You hum in response, sleep still interwined with your body, your arm tightening around him. You sigh in content, expecting him to elaborate.

He wets his suddenly dry lips. "I don't want this to end. In fact, ____.... I want more. Need more."

"Jungkook..." your whole body goes rigid right away, untanglling your bodies from each other and sitting up on the mattress.

"No, listen to me." he mimicks your movements, rapidly grabbing your hands to make you look at him. His eyes are expressive, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his dark irises. "I wake up everyday, and you're the first thing I think of. I go on about my day, and I keep thinking about you, wondering what you're doing and counting down the hours until I get to see you again. I spend every night dreaming about you, and when we'e together, the only thing I can think about is how I wish I could stop time so I don't have to say bye to you the next morning. ____, I-"

"Jungkook, stop please." you shake your head, pushing away from him and in desperate need of air. You press a hand against your chest, beating back the throb of pain while the other curls in a tight fist, the feeling of your fingernails digging into your palm less painful than the ache inside your heart. "This... This wasn't supossed to happen, Jungkook." you start pacing around the room, as if trying to find an exit while avoiding his gaze. "This was just a summer fling. That's all it was, I'm supposed to come back to the city in two weeks and-"

"A summer fling?" a sardonic sneer comes out of him. "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening again..." he mumbles to himself before rising from the bed. You stop immediately, a shiver quaking through you as his impressive frame intimidates His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark eyes are void of any prior emotion. "You're going back to the city in two weeks? And you didn't care to tell me until now, after I just spilled my guts to you?"

You eyes fill up with uncomfortable tears, reaching one arm towards him. "Jung-"

He flinches, taking one step back. "A summer fling is all I mean to you?"

"Ju- "

"Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that's all I mean to you. A summer fling." panic crawls up your throat. There's the need within you to confirm, to stare into his beautiful and stern eyes and tell him that, yes, that's all he is to you. But you've never been a good liar. So nothing comes out. You opt for wrapping your ams around yourself wishing they were his and lowering your eyes to the ground. "I think... I think you should leave."

Those are the last words he says to you, and the last thing you see when you turn around one more time after gathering your clothes, is his back as he looks out the window.

You allow yourself to cry the exact moment you step into Chaelin's apartment. Your friend is sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in hand and a fresh cup of coffee sitting on the livingroom's table.

"Hey, you're early tod- Baby, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't laugh."

That morning, you lay down for hours on the couch with your head on Chaelin's lap while she softly brushes your hair as you cry, hiccup, fight through the pain in your heart and relate to her as best as you can the latest events.

She doesn't laugh at all.

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"She'll come back." Mijoo's slurred words do nothing to put Jungkook's state at ease that night. He simply shrugs, fingers clenching at his sides, frowing into his drink before gulping down the bitter taste of vodka in one shot. "Seriously, I think she's just afraid. My ex was the same."

"Comparing her to your ex is not the analogy you think it is."

"Ugh, shut up. Things didn't work with my ex because she was a bitch." Jungkook gives Mijoo a pointed look which she responds to by rolling her eyes and sipping on her rum coke. "Your girl is not a bitch. She used to be a bitch. What she did this morning was bitchy, but, like I said, she's just being a pussy. If she only wanted sex with you, she wouldn't have been doing couple stuff with you the entire summer."

"Whatever. I don't care." he lies and Mijoo knows he's lying but decides to drop the subject fo now.

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"We can't keep spending our days smoking weed." Chaelin speaks over Blanche's voice on the TV.

"I know. I'm just sad."

"You have to come back and tell him how you feel."

"I know."

There's a beat of silence before your friend kicks your thigh with her feet.

"I know and I will." you mumble through red eyes and smoke clouds.

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It's September first and it doesn't feel like Jungkook's birthday at all. He's been trying to focus on his work, alternating between isolating in full hermit mode and hanging out with friends to drink away his sorrow. The days have gone by and before he could realize it, he woke up today with over twenty text messages wishing him a happy day and a throbbing hangover.

He dresses up on autopilot. First a cotton shirt, then a pair of jeans and lastly, his Nike's. He doesn't bother tying his sneakers just like he doesn't bother taking a shower. He smokes a cigarette for breakfast, the death stick making him feel nauseaus on an empty stomach. And then he goes to work.

He's been repeating the same routing for the past weeks and he's not thinking of changing it, not even on his bithday.

He spends hours drawing, tattooing and drawing some more between yawns. He ignores texts an phone calls and simply waits until the day is over to go home, go to bed and forget about the fact that you're probably on your way to the city and that he hasn't crossed your mind not even once.

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Inkphoria.

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping cup of ice cream as it melts down your fingers the more you wait. The shop is already empty and it's starting to darken out side, and still you're so hot. Your shorts are heavy and your tank top is sticking to your skin. You didn't even bother to put on any make, although your eyebags definitely needed some concieling and your lashes some dimension to hide the fact that you'd been crying for the last few days.

'You're crazy about him.'

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

You've lost count of how many times your best friend has given your advice, or simply encouraged you to do something you've been too scared to try.

'And he's cazy about you too.'

Chaelin might be wrong about marmite and the movie Cats, but she's definitely now wrong about anything regarding your and Jungkook.

That's it. You briefly close your eyes, inhale a deep breath then release it slowly. You start walking. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing the door open.

The tattoed blonde looks up from the counter the second you come into view. She smiles at the distance between you two. "You can come closer. I won't bite."

You clear your throat, stalking closer to her. "Is he-"

"He's in the back." she replies before you can finish you question. You close your mouth, clear your throat and nod your head.

"Thanks, Mijoo." she gives you a small wink, her smile easing your nerves like she had three months ago.

She watches you disappear. She shakes he head, her smile meeting her eyes. "I told him so."

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Jungkook ignores the knock on his door at first. It's almost ten and the parlor is about to close. He just has to finish this last fucking sketch so he can grab his shit and go the fuck ho-

Knock knock.

He growls, exhasperation cursing through him. He runs a hand through his messy pile of hair, his rings tangling between the strands, making him wince in pain. "Come in." he grunts under his breath. The door opens. "Mijoo, I really have to finish-"

He stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees you.

"Hey." you say after a moment of hesitation.

"Hey." he replies and although there's something inside, deep in his chest, shouting at him to stand up, run up to you and kiss your face while he tells you how beautiful you look right now and how happy he is to see that you're still here, he decides against it. "Listen, ____, I'm pretty busy-"

"No, you listen to me." you cut him off abruptly. He looks taken aback and is already opening his mouth to say something, but you're not having it. "Please, just... Let me talk."

Silence looms between the two of you for a while, a staring contest defying each other to back down. When you take one step inside and close the door behind you, he sighs and leans back against his chair.

You move towards him slowly, your lip caught between your lip going through your mind for the speech you'd been preparing the last few days. Your hands are sticky due to the the sugary treat liquifying in your hand. "I know there's no reason you should give me another chance after rejecting you in high school, and there's definitely no reason why you should forgive me for the way I shut you out a few weeks ago. You've been confessing your feelings to me since we were teenagers, and now it's my turn to tell you exactly how I feel about you."

"Jungkook, the truth is... I like you so much. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Ever. I said this was just a summer fling, and I was lying. I was lying because there's no way a simple summer fling could make me feel the way you do. There's no way a simple summer fling could make me want not just summer with you, but also fall and winter, and spring and every summer that comes next."

You hadn't realize when your eyes filling up with tears until the sight of him starts blurrying in front of you. His fingers reach yours, his thumb comforting on your skin. "____, it's okay-"

"I'm not done yet." you sniffle, gathering enough courage to continue. "I brought you a lemon sherbet because you said it was your favourite. But you also implied I was your favourite, and I want to keep being you favourite, but now it's already melted and-"

The corners of Jungkook's lips start pulling upward as he tugs you towards him, his heart loudly jumping inside his chest. "Shhh, come here."

He takes the ice cream from your hand and places it on his desk. Then he's helping you onto his lap, your head tucked under his chin and your arms wapping on their own around his neck.

He doesn't care about your sticky fingers or the wet stains of your tears in his shirt. The only thing he cares about is the fact that you're right there, letting him engulf your frame and drown in the scent and warmth he'd misses so much.

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The first day of June has Jungkook sweating and wishing for a haircut. Jungkook usually hates summer. He hates the fact that he has to shower at least twice a day, and the fact that the heat is almost unbearable to sleep in and also the fact that he's easily sunburnt.

This year, however, Jungkook likes summer a little bit more.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?" it's the fact that you're starting to wear those summer dresses he loves so much, and the fact that your skin glows under the sun like glitter, and also the fact that he can lick ice cream off of it whenever he desires.

"I am the appointment." your giggle is almost childlike, playing with Jungkook's heart strings. You shut the door behind you, nearing him. You also seem to always have that flush on your cheeks. Although he likes to think part of it is due to him. He doesn't say anything else as he puts his pencil down and instead turns around in the chair to have you immediately on top of his thighs.

Yeah, he also likes the path your lips trace from his cheek, to his jaw, ending at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. It still makes his body quaver to this day.

"Let me see." he murmurs against you forhear, his hand already working on unbottoning the front of your dress.

"Mijoo hasn't left yet." you whisper back, your smile impossible to supress and the faint whimper impossible to hide when his fingers expose your breast and tug at the titanium barbell adorning the already hardened nub.

Jungkook loves knowing he was the one to do that, and also the only one to play with it. He doesn't hesitate when he dips his head. "As if we'd ever cared about that." he adds, wrapping your sole point in his mouth.

He fucks you on his studio table with your legs around his waist and his tongue playing with both your breasts, the tattoo sketches long forgotten, scattered on the floor as he whispers against your flesh something that sounds a lot like 'I love you'.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #bts fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #bts #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook fic

[kjhmyg]

rough edges pt. 9

pairing: jungkook | reader genre: college!au, badboy!jk warnings: swearing, drugs, drinking, trafficking, vomitting, puking, getting high, unprotected sex word count: 16k

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 6.5 / 7 / 8 / part 9 / masterlist

RE asks tag  / pinterest board

Yeah, you hate yourself too. Probably not as much as Jungkook does. He hasn’t replied to your texts or returned any of your calls since the breakup two weeks ago. Why would he anyway? It’s torture to run into him on campus only to have him ignore your entire existence. He’d go so far as to go out of his way just so you wouldn’t cross paths. You deserve it, you admit. 

“Huh?” His brows furrowed for a second and his mouth twitches between a frown and a tiny smile, unsure if you’re just messing with him. “What are you saying?” 

“I think.” You gulp. “We should break up.” 

“What? Why?” His eyes glisten under the light. “Why are you doing this?”

You move your hands over his shoulders. “I can’t tell you why exactly. It’s just that...I’m going through a lot. And I think that it would be better if we spend some time apart.” 

“Y/N what are you going through? Tell me.” He says gently. “I’ll go through it with you.” 

Your chest tightens. This is by far the hardest thing you’ve had to do. He stands when your eyes start to water, cupping your cheeks. “I can’t.” You whisper. 

Jungkook’s face drops as you say that. You see the wheels turning in his head, trying to make sense of it all. 

“But I just want you to know that it’s nothing to do with you. It’s me. I’m the problem.” You sniff. 

He chuckles to your surprise. But more in trying to express his hurt than anything. “The classic ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ huh?”

“It’s not like that Jungkook.” 

At some point the sadness leaves his face and you see his features morphe into anger and bitterness. He walks towards the other side of the room and runs a hand through his hair, letting out a deep breath. A minute passes while his back is turned to you but it feels like forever. He mutters something under his breath as he starts to collect his things into a bag.

“What?” You ask, although timidly. 

He stops, then turns to you with nothing but bitterness in his eyes. “I said I can’t believe I thought you were different.” 

Your heart sinks into your stomach. Tears roll down your cheeks as you scream internally. You contemplate telling him everything. Maybe you were wrong, maybe him hating you for going behind his back would hurt less than him thinking you never really loved him. 

“Jungkook wait.” You rush over to him and he pauses, holding on to a sweater he’s about to pull over his head. “I love you so much. I do. But I’m doing this for us.” 

He furrows his brows, eyes scanning your stained cheeks and reddening eyes. 

“I know whatever I’m saying may not make sense right now but I promise, just trust me on this-” 

“Trust you?” He says. “I did. With my heart. And look what that got me.” 

His words leave you silent. Your feet remain glued to where you’re standing, helplessly watching him. Jungkook pulls the bag over his shoulder and stands before the door, hand on the knob. But then pauses once again.

“Is this about the club?” He asks. 

“N-no.”

He turns, only anger in his eyes now. You’ve never seen him look at you the way he’s looking at you now. “Is this why you asked if I’d consider quitting? So you don’t like something I do, and your solution is to dump me, is that it?” 

“What the hell.” You spit out. “That’s not it at all. You don’t even know what I’ve⎼”

“What you’ve what?” He waits for you to finish but you look away instead, fueling his anger. “This is what I kept telling myself would happen. I knew one day you’d realise you don’t want me anymore. I bet this all started with Hoseok too.” He scoffs, “I should’ve known then. I knew he’d poison you into thinking I’m some loser and low life." 

"This has nothing to do with him!" 

"You wanna break up? Fine." He opens the door. "We're over."

He rushes out the door, down the stairs and out the front door without sparing you a second glance. You stop yourself from running after him. No. This is what you wanted. This is what’s supposed to happen. You grip the railing at the top of the staircase as you hear the sound of an engine revving and his bike driving off. 

Tears roll down your cheeks and you feel your legs giving way. Jimin holds on to either side of your arms and you let yourself bury into him. “Y/N.”

“Y/N.”

You jump in your seat when Hana’s elbow hits your side. Everyone’s eyes are on you as the professor calls out your name. The students start murmuring when you snap back to reality. The news of your breakup had caught on to the rest of the student body by now. Evidently, there’d be rumours as to what happened. But that isn’t your biggest concern. 

“Are you still with us?” He asks. You nod quickly, sinking in your seat to hide from the embarrassment, then suddenly find interest in the notes in front of you. “Great.” 

Hana watches you from her side as you manifest yourself teleporting out of this class. She’s caught you drifting off a lot lately. Sometimes even while she’s speaking to you. When class ends, you wait for everyone to leave before scurrying out yourself, narrowly avoiding the professor just as he opens his mouth to call out your name once again.

Sighing when you’re in the clear, you focus on getting past the sea of people before you. As usual, you don’t get far down the hallway before seeing him. Jungkook stands right outside the doors leading to the lawn in a conversation with someone. You slow down and eventually come to a stop amidst the traffic. Hana catches up with you and follows your line of sight.

Jungkook parts ways with the other guy and starts making his way into the building. It’s too late to turn back now that he’s already headed this way. His eyes land on you and your heart races, anticipating a reaction. Something. Anything. He’s probably going to roll his eyes at you, or turn around and re-route. But what comes next is worse than the disappointment you would have felt if he’d done those things. Instead, he ignores you and walks straight ahead. As if he hadn’t even seen you. 

You stand there, feeling worse than you felt before. Hana squeezes your shoulder, then hooks her arm under yours, leading you away.

𝄖

“Come on, please eat something.” Hana says, pushing the plate with freshly baked sweet potatoes to your side. Sighing in response, you pick up a fork and reluctantly take a bite. 

“Yum.” You say monotonously. 

Jimin, sitting next to Hana, watches you quietly. His stare annoys you because you already know what he’s thinking and you know what’s about to come next. “Why are you like this? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Your eyes flicker to him for a moment, then back to the sad potato. Hana slaps his arm and intensifies her glare but Jimin ignores her.

“No seriously.” He says. “You wanted this break up, didn’t you?” 

“So?” You slam the fork down on the table. Why is he acting like you’re enjoying this? “Can’t I feel bad after breaking up with him? Am I not allowed to feel sad?”

“Well then why break up if you’re gonna be sad about it?” He raises a brow with a smug look on his face. You almost want to throw the potato right at him. “Shouldn’t you feel better after breaking up? If it’s the ‘right thing to do’?

“You know what? I’m sick of you and your shit.” 

“Why? It’s just a question.” Jimin continues eating and speaks with his mouth full. “Help me understand what I don’t.” 

You don’t have to deal with this, you tell yourself. There’s no way he’d understand without knowing the full story anyway, so why bother explaining yourself to him. Your phone pings right then, disrupting your thoughts and stealing your attention away from Jimin. 

Meanwhile, Hana pinches Jimin’s arm and tells him to shut up. You hear her mutter some words under her breath, possibly telling him to lay off you. They stop bickering when you get up suddenly, chair scraping across the floor. “I’m full.” 

“Where are you going?” Hana stands as well but doesn't try to stop you. 

“Um. I have a project meeting.” 

It’s a lie she sees right through. They look on as you walk out the door with only your wallet, phone and keys in your pockets, slamming the door as you go. 

Namjoon: you home? Namjoon: i’m outside your building

He stands by the entrance, looking out into the street with both hands in his pockets. It bothers you how he always has perfect posture and mannerisms. He should be normal for once. When you tap him on the back, he turns abruptly, then smiles down at you. 

What a silly gesture to start crying at. But your tears have a mind of their own. It’s the first genuine smile you’ve gotten so far, not one laced with pity or judgement. Namjoon reacts with panic at the sudden outburst. Fishing for something in his pocket, he offers you a crumpled and hopefully unused tissue, even though you’re already dabbing at your eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. 

He lets you sit in his car and continue to cry for a good twenty minutes. The radio plays softly in the background and Namjoon keeps himself busy on his phone while he waits patiently. It’s the most free you’ve felt in the last two weeks. The first full breakdown you’ve had without having to worry that Hana or anyone else would hear you. 

“Thank you.” Your voice comes out nasally from the stuffed nose that naturally comes after a breakdown. He responds with a reassuring smile.

“No need to thank me. Feeling better?” 

“Yes.” You stare down at your hands and see from the corner of your eyes, him turning in his seat towards you. 

“So...are you crying because of Jungkook?” He asks. 

“That,” you sniff, “and everyone treating me like I don’t have the right to be sad about it.” You wipe a stray tear that escapes the side of your eye. “I mean yeah I broke up with Jungkook, but does that mean I can’t cry about it? I’m hurt too, you know. Jimin should just fuck off.” 

“Jimin?” 

“Just one of our friends.” You wave it off. After collecting yourself, you finally remember the reason why you’re here in the first place, before you started crying that is. “Why did you want to meet me?”

“I have a message for you. From Bella.” Your eyes light up at the mention of her name. “She wants to see you but doesn't know how else to get in touch. Thought I’d drive you to her place myself. But it seems like maybe now’s not a good time?” 

“No, it’s fine. I’ll go see her.” 

He laughs and you wait for him to tell you why. “You have snot dripping out of your nose right now and you want to go see her in this state?” 

You immediately swipe your nose with the tissue and blow into it. Namjoon winces at the sound you make. “I’m fine.” You say after. “Anyway, I’m going home for semester break so I might not have the time to see her after this.” 

“You make it sound like you’re never coming back.” He was only joking, but your silence that follows makes him suspicious. “You are...coming back. Aren’t you?” 

“I wish I didn’t have to.” 

"Y/N, come on." He starts the engine. "What am I gonna do without my bestie?"

For the first time in two weeks, you laugh. A real one, not the kind you make in the middle of a conversation out of politeness. For a moment you forget you were sad. 

𝄖

“This is the place?” The car comes to a stop in front of a cluster of apartments in a dingy part of the town. It looks cramped and run-down but not as bad as Suga’s apartment that’s for sure. 

Namjoon looks at the piece of paper he stuck on the side of his rear-view mirror and confirms it with the GPS on his phone. “According to the address she gave me, this is it.” He stops the car and you fix yourself. “This building, right here. Number 3. Apartment 1201.”

“Alright.” Namjoon holds you back just as you step one foot out the door. “What?”

“You need me to walk with you?” 

“I’ll be fine.” You reassure him. 

“Okay. I’ll stay nearby. Text me when you’re leaving and I’ll pick you up.” 

“Sure.” 

His car only drives off when you enter the building. It doesn’t look as bad on the inside as it does outside. At least, unlike with Suga’s apartment, you don’t worry the elevator might get stuck or the line might snap. Stepping out of the elevator at the twelfth floor, you turn right and find apartment 1201. There’s a handwritten sign on the door saying ‘Please knock gently’, and you do. 

You hear shuffling inside and then the door opens a little, just enough to allow the person on the other side to peek out. “Oh! Y/N!” Bella’s familiar voice greets you before her face does. The door closes again and she unlocks the door before opening it all the way, stepping aside so you can enter. 

Before you make it further inside, she’s already engulfing you in a hug. “Oh-” you chuckle, “it’s nice to see you too.”

“I’ve missed you.” She gushes and it’s been a while since anyone’s reacted this way to seeing you, the last being your grandmother, so you don’t know what to say. Besides, it’s not like you see her that much at work since she works upstairs and you work the ground. You didn’t think she would think of you at all. 

“You have?” 

“Yeah. You’re not at the club anymore.” She states and you only give a polite nod in response, not wanting to talk about it. 

“Um. Where’s Jihoon?” 

“Oh he’s in his cot.” She moves to look at the baby monitor on the kitchen island. “Looks like he’s awake. I’ll go get him. Make yourself at home!” 

She slips round the corner into the rooms and you stand awkwardly in place, looking around. There’s a small two-seater couch in the small living room which you make yourself comfortable on. Right by your side there’s a coffee table with a framed photo of Bella and Jihoon, which looks like it was taken recently. 

“Look who’s here,” she comes back into the room this time with the little one in her arms, “it’s your favourite aunty.” 

Jihoon stares at you for a long time, perhaps trying to remember where he’s seen you before. When Bella sets him in your lap, he doesn’t object but keeps his big eyes glued to your face. After a while, he starts giggling and finds interest in anything within his reach. “Good to see you again, buddy.” You say and he babbles in response. 

Bella busies herself in the kitchen and comes back with a drink for you and some snacks. She puts on cartoons on the television to keep Jihoon occupied, then turns her attention to you. 

“So um, not to be rude but is there a reason you wanted to see me?” You ask, getting straight to the point. 

“I just wanted to check on you.” She smiles. “I heard about you and…” She trails off before mentioning his name, noticing the drop in your expression. 

“Right.” You nod. “That’s nice of you. I’m fine, really.” 

There's no response which tells you she doesn't believe you. Her eyes scan the features of your face, lingering a little longer on your eyes, noticing the slight swelling from all the crying earlier.  

"I mean all breakups hurt, don't they?" You end the question with a sad laugh.

Jihoon struggles to break free and you finally let him off so he can crawl to the middle of the room, closer to the television. Bella bites her lip. "I’m a little curious. If you don't mind, can I ask what happened?" 

Part of you wants to scream. "Nothing. Nothing happened. Like what I told him, it's for the best." Bella nods slowly, placing a gentle hand over yours. She seems genuine enough, but there's literally no way you can be truthful, especially not to her. "Can I...ask you something?" 

"Sure."

"Did...Jungkook put you up to this? To get an answer out of me?" 

Her eyes widen in surprise, then she shakes her head. "No, he didn't. Is that something you think he'd do?"

"I don't know," you shrug, "I've been trying to get a hold of him but he won't talk to me anymore."

She gives you a sympathetic smile. "Yeah. He does that.” 

“I know.” You sigh, feeling your eyes burn up once again, ready for a new batch of tears. “I just wish he wouldn’t think it’s because I hate him, you know? That wasn’t the reason why I broke things off.”

“He loves you a lot.” Your eyes dart to her, tears brimming. “I must say I was quite surprised when I saw him that night, drinking his heart out. You guys just seemed like you were made for each other.” 

“We are.” You mutter softly to yourself unsure if she heard you. 

“I’m pretty jealous actually.” She crosses her legs and places her hands over them, in thought. “I wish Suga wouldn’t beat around the bush so much.”

“Suga?” You giggle and wipe your nose with the back of your sweater until you realise she’s not joking. “Oh you’re for real?” 

“Yeah.” She gives you a pointed look. “He so wants me.” You laugh for the second time today. 

The stone-faced, insult hurling, never-having-anything-nice-to-say Suga, being in love with someone is so fascinating. You always assumed it was harmless flirting between the two. But seeing him in this new light makes you want to throw up. 

“Sorry but that’s just so weird to me.” You shake your head. “He seems like he hates everything.”

“That’s true too.” 

“How’s everything at the club by the way?” You ask casually, reminded of how much Bella knows about the boys and the merge. Getting close to her back then would’ve been suspicious but it wouldn’t be now that you’re no longer with Jungkook or the club. 

“Normal.” She shrugs. An answer you expected. A little disappointing at first, wishing you could get another lead to tell Seokjin. Then you remember, you’re not a part of this anymore. “A little less convenient now that my emergency babysitter is no longer around.” 

“Well,” you move to the floor and join Jihoon, dancing along to the music from the cartoon, “you can call me anytime. I’d love to spend time with this little koala.” 

“He’d love that.” She says, “He doesn’t like strangers but he seems to do well with you. He likes you.”

“Aw, is that so?” You lift Jihoon up in the air and he lets out excited shrieks. After a couple more times he stands on your lap with your hands on his sides and he drops onto you in a hug. His little fingers touch your nose and every other part of your face. “He’s so cute. He seems pretty easygoing though?”

“Well. He has his moments.” Bella shrugs. “I’m glad he doesn’t make a fuss at night when I go to work.”

Jihoon starts to rest his head on yours in a half hug, his tiny arms on your shoulder. You giggle as you position your phone to snap a photo. “How long have you been working as a…” You struggle to find the right word, fearing anything you say might insult her. 

“As an escort?” You give a coy smile and nod. Bella laughs and thinks about it. “About five years?” 

“And you enjoy it?” 

“No but apparently I’m ‘good at it’, or so I’ve been told. Whatever that means.” She shrugs. “Besides, it’s hard to land a job when you’ve barely got an education and if you’ve got a lovely baby to care for.” She directs the last part to Jihoon who responds to her words. “Isn’t that right darling?”

“So you’ve been working with Suga and Jungkook the entire time?”

“Oh I mean, we’re in the same company, just that I was working at a different club before.” She says. 

“And what company is this?” 

Bella cocks a brow. You worry you may have gone too far with the questions now. “You seem really interested in this. Jungkook never told you anything about it?”

“He doesn’t like talking about work.” You say. 

“Oh. Interesting.” Bella watches you for a while longer. “I don’t mean to pry even further but,” she bites her bottom lip, “do you think you’d ever get back together? I could help get him to talk to you if you want me to.” 

“He won’t like that.” You imagine he’d get angry at you for involving Bella in this. “Has he said anything about me?” 

“No.” She shakes her head. “He’s been a lot more angsty recently.”

“Pretty sure he hates me now.” 

“Hmm. That’s not how I see it.” Bella states. “I think the fact that he’s upset means he still loves you. Like you said, all breakups hurt. He’s hurt. Because he loves you, right?”

𝄖

“Are you seriously going to ignore me?” Hana squeezes herself next to you, where you’re covered in a blanket and eating ice cream straight from the tub with Netflix on. She closes the flap of your laptop and you glare. “Binge watching rom-coms won’t solve your problems.” 

“Okay but it will make me feel better.” You scoop up a big mouthful. “Now put Notting Hill back on and let me get to the ending at least where Julia Roberts is pregnant and lying on Hugh Grant’s lap in the middle of a park thing and there are kids all around and everyone’s happy except me.”

“Fine.” Hana complies but only because you’re talking to her now. You had kept conversation to a minimum since lunch with Jimin.

“I’m not ignoring you, you know.” After a minute of silence, you say. “I’m just tired of people giving me shit for what happened.” 

“I didn’t give you shit for it.” 

“Not out loud.” You say meekly. “I know you’re silently judging me.” 

“Honey, no.” She wraps her arms around you and rests her head on yours. “I just didn’t agree with it at first because I didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want you to go through...well this.”

“Maybe I should’ve listened to you.” You say quietly, teary eyes darting over to her, stirring the melted ice cream. The one Jungkook bought for you when he was staying over regularly. 

“No. Don’t do that.” She moves in front of you, setting aside the laptop and the melted ice cream. “You make a decision and you stick by it, okay? I’ll support you. Sure I was hesitant at first but I get it now. It’s not easy being Hannah Montana.” 

She makes you smile a little. “Thanks. What about Jimin?”

“Jimin’s a little shit and you shouldn’t take anything that comes out of his mouth personally. You know that.” She rubs your back as the tears start forming again. “Besides, I really gave it to him earlier after you left. He was out of line. I banned him for the next month or so. That’s why you don’t see him here anymore. I’m just sorry I didn’t do it sooner.” 

Your face twists and you’re crying again, this time wrapping your arms around Hana as she lets you cry on her shoulder. She knows how much you’ve been holding in. From having Jungkook totally ignore your existence to everyone at school spreading rumours about your break-up. You definitely need more than just ice-cream and netflix. 

Her eyes land on the suitcase and bags you’ve placed by the door. “I see you’re all packed. Can’t wait to leave, huh?”

“Oh you don’t even know.” You wipe the tears with your hands. “I think being away will do me good.” 

“I don’t know...you’re not making a run for it, are you? By chance are you actually getting on a plane to go halfway across the world? Did you apply for an exchange program? Are you secretly migrating somewhere else? Should I come home with you?”

“I’m just going home, I promise I’ll come back.” It’s laughable how both Hana and Namjoon had thought of the same thing, worried you might leave for good. Ironically, it’s a very Jungkook thing to do; run. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about it. It might be better to leave this place so Jungkook wouldn’t have to see you, and you wouldn’t have to watch Jungkook ruin his own life. 

𝄖

The train station is packed. You had expected it to be. You told Hana not to come and that sending you off to the cab is more than enough. So you keep yourself company while you wait for the train to dock and for passengers to get off. Meanwhile, you sit on a bench facing the train doors. You watch as a man jumps off the train and heads straight for his partner standing nearby. He’s greeted with flowers and kisses. It reminds you of the time Jungkook had sent you off for Christmas back home last year. Feels like forever ago. 

“Oh well…” you whisper to yourself, desperately looking for other things to think about to distract your thoughts from going back to Jungkook. You wait patiently for boarding to start until someone takes the seat next to yours. 

“Glad I caught you in time.” He plops right down and takes time to catch his breath. 

“Hoseok,” you look around, “what are you doing here?” 

“I called you but you didn’t pick up so I got worried. Then I called Hana and she told me you were leaving so I came straight down.”

“Oh. Why? Did you need something?” You ask, earning a look from him.

“Can I just see you without needing anything?” He laughs. “I came to see how you were doing. I know things haven’t been easy the last week.” 

You’re getting painfully tired of hearing that. The same thing over and over again. You don’t need anyone to remind you that you’re going through a rough time. You’ve been living it. If the subtle eye roll isn’t anything to go by, Hoseok guesses the way you’ve barely responded to him means you’re not up for this conversation anymore.

“I’m guessing others have done the same?” 

You rest your head on the wall behind you and turn to him. “Yup. And I’m over it.”

“Explains why you have your bags packed.” 

“Listen, it’s nothing personal. I can honestly say I’m not fine. I’m not. But there’s really nothing much you or anyone else can do about it. Of course, I’d love it if people stop judging me for breaking things off between Jungkook and I. But people are gonna talk. Nothing I can do about that. They have a right to their opinions I guess.”

The train starts boarding and you get your stuff ready, going over to where the doors are. Hoseok follows behind and stops you before you go any further with a hand on your arm. “I also wanted to apologise.”

“For what?” You swing a carry-on over your shoulder. 

“I feel like this is all my fault? If I hadn’t meddled and got my friend involved, gotten you involved, things wouldn’t have turned out this way, wouldn’t it?” 

You look up at him and wonder the same. Maybe it would have been better to not know. “It doesn’t matter Hoseok. You did what you thought was right. And arguably, it is for the better. Whatever happened between Jungkook and I wasn’t your fault. It just...had to happen.” 

“Yeah. Because of me.” 

“Seriously, don’t beat yourself up over it. Breaking up with him was my choice, as is being part of a gang, his.” 

“You’re amazing, you know that?” He smiles. 

You raise your brows. "I don't feel so amazing." 

"I hope you get a good break," he says, ruffling your head, then opens up his arms for a hug. 

You let him hold you tight, staying there for a while longer before pulling away and boarding the train. He gives one last wave to you when you find a seat and goes off just as the conductor blows his whistle. 

𝄖

“Did you see her?” Namjoon asks as soon as Jungkook steps back into the car. 

“Yeah.” Is all he says. 

“Well? What happened?” Jungkook’s vacant expression tells Namjoon absolutely nothing. 

“Nothing.” Jungkook says, making Namjoon’s brows crease. “Someone else was there to send her off.” Jungkook sighs, allowing his head to fall back on the headrest. 

“Who?” 

"Hoseok." Jungkook mutters softly. "They hugged." 

“So you didn’t go up to her? Speak to her?” 

Jungkook shakes his head. 

A whole minute passes before Namjoon speaks again. "You okay?" Jungkook nods but doesn't respond. "Sorry man. I didn't know. She told me she didn’t want anyone to send her off. I thought she’d be alone."

"It's alright." He says. "Thanks for letting me know.”

“No worries.” Namjoon sets the gears into drive. “Would you have gone up to her though? If the other guy wasn’t there?” 

“Probably...maybe. No.” Jungkook shakes his head. “What would I even say anyway? It’s not like she loves me anymore.” 

Namjoon shakes his head and smiles to himself. “Did she say that?” 

“She broke up with me.” 

“She also tried to reach out to you a bunch of times after.” 

Jungkook frowns even though it’s true. “Dude, whose side are you on?”

“Y/N.” He states bluntly. “She’s my friend. You and I...we just work together.” 

“Whatever.” 

Namjoon chuckles. “On the plus side, now you don’t have to worry about Hongjun harassing her. Right?” 

“Yeah.” Jungkook focuses on the scenes passing him by out the window. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that being away from him would put you out of harm’s way. Not when he’s too busy trying to deal with the pain he’s in. But it’s a valid point he now can use to justify the breakup himself. “Great. Problem solved.” 

𝄖

Being in the business for so long, it rarely surprises Jungkook the lengths these people take to get money. In fact, their intricate plans amaze him more than anything because it would take years to formulate one so foolproof that it keeps the business running without consequences. 

But this is nothing like that.

“I don’t wanna get involved in this.” Jungkook says to Suga, throwing the business proposal of the upcoming merge on the table. Being drunk the first time he found out about it had lessened the horror of it all. 

“And you think you have a say in it?” Suga asks. He’s not for it either, but unless they have a better proposal, one that brings in bigger bucks, they’re only pawns in this mess. 

“Suga, this is bad.” Jungkook buries his face in his hands. “All the girls we have working with us are here because they want to be here. Okay maybe they don’t want to be here but because of the lack of structural issues that keep people out of poverty and lack of resources for them to get actual well paying jobs, plus we don’t even have minimum wage⎼”

“What?” 

“What I’m trying to say is, if we take in girls that have been trafficked into the country, do you know how much trouble we could get into? They were trafficked, Suga, trafficked. Stolen from their homes and sold for a profit.” 

“I know what trafficked means.” Suga looks through the proposal and sighs. “I don’t like it either. But Kim thinks he can expand the business with this merger since Barom is providing him with mules to smuggle the drugs in and out of the country. Most of the newer buyers are Barom’s contacts overseas.”

Jungkook slumps in his chair, letting his head fall over the back. “I don’t understand why boss would take such a risk. We’re doing so well already.” 

“Why don’t you ask him that yourself?” 

“Should I?”

“Sure if you wanna die.” 

“Who’s dying?” RM enters the room and sits himself on the chair next to Jungkook. Suga passes him the proposal. They’d gotten it from Kyun and were told to study it before the actual merge. While most of the changes don’t affect them much just yet, they were still very much involved. “Wow. The big merge. Is this Barome guy that big a deal? Seems like he has lots of pull.”

“Maybe that’s why Kim can’t say no.” Jungkook adds. 

“Maybe.” Suga says, “He has been our top client for a while. I’m pretty sure he has clients of his own.” 

“So what’s our cover plan?” RM asks. 

“Hm?” 

“Cover plan? Like if something goes south, what’s the plan? What do we do? Where do we go?” 

Jungkook and Suga exchange looks. “Just...run.” Jungkook says. 

“And if you get caught?”

“Don’t snitch.” Suga chips in. 

“That’s it?” RM shakes his head. “That sucks man. They don’t look out for you?” 

Jungkook and Suga exchange looks. They’ve never really thought about that before. 

𝄖

Everyone’s asleep except for Hoseok. When he hears the front doors open, he shoots up from his bed and waits for Jungkook to come up the steps. At the sight of the older boy hanging outside his room, Jungkook contemplates going back down and out. “Hey.” Hoseok says. 

“Yes?” Jungkook doesn’t look at him. 

“Can we talk?” 

“What about?” Jungkook throws his bag onto his bed and stands by the door, preventing Hoseok from stepping inside. 

“About what happened. With Y/N.” 

“Yeah you’d know about that wouldn’t you?” Jungkook tilts his head, a bitter smile on his face. Rolling his eyes, he turns back and starts unpacking his clothes and going around the room, more of trying to avoid Hoseok rather than doing anything in particular. 

Hoseok frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean? I had nothing to do with it.” 

Jungkook finally takes a seat at his desk, arms folded with an amused look on his face. “You’re saying you had nothing to do with why Y/N broke up with me? I wanna ask you this, did you or did you not constantly talk to her about me being a drug dealer?”

Of course he did. But not in the way Jungkook thinks. It was never to get her to break up with you. It occurs to Hoseok that Jungkook still doesn’t know the extent to which you know about his involvement in his gang. “I didn’t.” He lies. 

“Right.” Jungkook scoffs. “So she just woke up one day and decided she’s not comfortable with me working at a club and then breaks up with me?” 

“You’re the one that let her in the club.” Hoseok says. “You don’t think that maybe she’d discovered the things you were hiding from her?” 

“I don’t think she would break up with me even if she did.” Jungkook glares. “Unless...someone was playing devil’s advocate?” 

“Will you stop blaming me for your problems? Don’t you see that the things that happen are a direct consequence of what you do?” 

“And when will you get off my back?” Jungkook’s voice gets loud. There’s a click from the hallway and footsteps approach the room. Not everyone was asleep after all.

“When you learn not to fuck up your life.” 

Taehyung appears just in time before Jungkook could lay his hands on Hoseok. Pushing Jungkook into his corner, Taehyung stands in between the two of them. "Will you guys give it a rest? It’s late." 

"Your problem is that you think you know everything.” Careful not to hurt Taehyung, Jungkook nudges him to the side. “You think of yourself as some sort of hero that has to come in and save everyone. Your big head and enormous ego can’t for one minute leave things alone. You just can’t take it knowing you’re not as important as you think you are.”

“Stop trying to make this about me.” Hoseok points a finger at him. 

“Why not?” Jungkook raises his brows. “Why can’t we focus on what’s wrong with you this time?”

Hoseok watches him go on in silence. Part of him wants to engage, but he knows Jungkook is acting this way partly because of the breakup. He also wants to believe that whatever Jungkook’s saying isn’t true. Does he really have some sort of white knight syndrome? 

Jimin appears at the door this time, rubbing his eyes behind thick glasses. As some of the other guys had also come out of their rooms to check out the commotion, Jimin sends them back inside to keep tensions from escalating further the more people join in. 

“It’s crazy how you don’t realise that your behaviour is more harmful to others than you think.” Jungkook laughs. “Why can’t you just let me live!” 

“I’m sorry if it seems like I’m playing some sort of hero. I just don’t want to see you make a mistake that you can’t fix. Sometimes you need an objective set of eyes to see what you’re doing wrong.”

“God you still don’t get it.” Jungkook turns to Taehyung and gestures to Hoseok as if to show how unbelievable he is. Taehyung only tilts his head awkwardly when Hoseok questions him through his eyes. Jungkook takes a deep breath. “You don’t have to meddle in other people’s lives. Because you don’t know what they’re going through. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is to offer them support for trying their best.” 

“I do that and you hate me for it.” He points out. 

“Yeah because it’s condescending!” Jungkook cries out. “Your ‘support’ only comes when I do something ‘right’ which you think is because of you.” 

“That’s not true Jungkook.” Hoseok tries to step closer but Jimin pulls him back with a hand on his chest. 

“You know what, just leave me alone. I’m tired.” 

Jimin gets Hoseok to leave when he tries to approach Jungkook yet again. He hooks an arm over Hoseok and leads him back to his room. Taehyung makes sure Jungkook is okay before giving the younger one some space as he sits on his bed, head in his hands. 

Jungkook's head spins. As much as that sucked, part of him feels somewhat relieved he managed to get those things off his chest. He lies back on the bed and stares up at the empty ceiling. He wants to cry. He wants to scream. He wants to punch things. Looking at the wallpaper on his phone, still a photo of you and him with your head resting against his chest, his heart starts aching. 

He misses you. 

𝄖

Sitting on the front porch of your home on a cloudy day, you scroll through the photos of your albums. So many of which include Jungkook. The most recent one before the breakup being one of him passed out on your bed, with a book on his chest. He had been studying all afternoon and said he needed a break. Next thing you know the sounds of his snoring takes over your room. 

“Feeling okay?” Your dad comes around with flowers he’d just picked from his garden and hands them to you. You quickly put your phone away. 

You sniff the flowers and set them on the small table next to you. “Thank you.”

Not letting go of the fact that you ignored his question, your dad gives you a small smile as he gets himself comfortable in the other chair. “You know how I used to get some kind of premonition that you were getting yourself into trouble?” 

“Um. Yeah.” 

It was like a disturbance in the force for him every time you did something you weren’t supposed to. He felt it that night you pushed your first kiss into the late despite being miles away. He felt it when you punched someone for bullying your friend in class and got a call to come pick you up five minutes later. His senses have yet to fail him. 

“I didn’t get myself into trouble, if that’s what you’re implying.” 

“Okay...then, are you pregnant?”

“No!” The horrified expression you respond with says it all.

“Just making sure.” He shrugs. “You don’t seem like yourself. Been really quiet since you got back.” 

“Just tired.” You sigh, lying back and closing your eyes. “Tired of city life. Tired of school.” 

“I thought you liked it down there? You made a big fuss about wanting to be independent." You shrink in your seat, remembering how convincing you had to do for him to let you travel for college. "You know why I let you do it?"

"Because I was annoying?" 

"Because I know you can handle it; that you can take care of yourself." He says simply. "You were always so hard headed. Always did what you wanted, even if you did have the tendency to get into trouble. I knew that things wouldn’t have turned out great if I forced you to stay here instead.” 

"Well you're right about the trouble thing. I guess I never outgrew it." 

“You ran into some trouble?” 

“More like trouble found me…” you say, “and you know...I possibly have made choices that led me to said trouble.”

He questions you with a look. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“Dad, I came here to forget about it.” You play with the hem of your shirt. 

“Okay then.” He leaves it at that and you’re thankful. Although, you know he wouldn’t forget it. “You know what, I’m gonna go grab some wine and make you your favourite ham and cheese sandwich. If you’re trying to forget, we have to do things right. Come inside in five minutes.” 

“Love you, old man.” 

𝄖

There’s a knock on the door which Hana finds unusual given this time of the night. You don’t usually get visitors after midnight, so she carefully tiptoes to the door and takes a peek through the peephole. Seconds later she unlocks the door. 

“Hey. Y/N’s not here.” 

“Hi.” Jungkook gives a half-smile like he’s guilty of something. “I know. I’m not here to see her. I just wanted to return these.” 

He shifts the box he’s holding into Hana’s hands and she scans the items inside. All of them yours. “Her stuff?” 

“Yeah she left them at my place. She might need them and I don’t wanna make it awkward for her to have to drop by and get it.” 

“Awkward for her or you?” Hana raises a brow, still smiling. 

Jungkook lets out a breath. “For both of us.” 

Hana gives a sympathetic smile. She gets how Jungkook might be feeling, getting dumped out of nowhere. “I hope you’re doing okay. The sucky feeling will pass, I promise.” 

“Is she...I mean, not that I want her to be but⎼” 

“She’s hurting too.”

Jungkook seems to be more upset knowing you’re hurting as much as he is. It confuses him. “Then why did she break up with me? Do you know?” 

Hana gulps. “Sorry I don’t. She must have her reasons.” 

“Okay.” Jungkook sighs in defeat. “Thanks anyway. Could you maybe keep this conversation between us?” 

“Sure.” 

He nods then backs off, walking away with his head hanging low and hands in his pockets. Hana holds back a groan until the door shuts. Coincidentally you texted her right then to ask if everything is alright. She chuckles unbelievably, “These two will be the death of me I swear.” 

𝄖

Two weeks at home passed by quickly. You tried your best to clear your mind while you were there, staying away from your phone so you wouldn’t end up going through your photo album or instagram archive. You were successful enough, till the last night there when you realise you’d have to face everything again when you get back. 

Your dad comes up from behind you while you stand out on the balcony which overlooks the town, staring up at the night sky. He places a heavy hand on your shoulder and you lean into a hug to his side. “All ready to go?” 

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” 

He rests his cheek against the side of your head. “I’d like to meet whoever’s making you stare out longingly into the night like this.” 

“What are you talking about?” You scoff. “I’ve always loved standing out here. It’s peaceful.” 

“You think I haven’t noticed that young man on your phone screen?” 

“Oh. Nevermind then.” A couple of times where he had walked in on you looking at your screen, you thought your reflexes were quick enough. But apparently not. 

He laughs and ruffles your hair. “You don’t have to hide these things from me, you know? You’re an adult, you can be with whoever you want.” 

“We broke up.” You say immediately after. “I...broke us up.” 

He takes a while to respond, choosing his words carefully. “And you’re regretting it?” 

“I don’t know.” You sigh. “It’s complicated. And trust me, you don’t wanna know half of it.” 

“Can’t expect anything less from you, can I?” He jokes and you punch his middle playfully as he kisses the top of your head. “You know what? If there’s one thing I know about you, as my daughter, and having to deal with your shit for the last two decades or so, is that you always do the right thing no matter how hard it is on you. Even if it gives me immense stress and⎼”

“Is this supposed to make me feel better?” 

He laughs again and squeezes your cheeks. “I’m just kidding about that last part. But I meant the other stuff. Don’t doubt yourself.” 

“Thanks.” You move in for a full hug. “Hard not to doubt myself when I feel like crap after.” 

“Must be love. If it’s not love, it wouldn’t hurt.” He shrugs. “Either that or you feel like you haven’t done enough and you’re feeling guilty about it.” 

“Hm?”

“Remember in fifth grade when you got the class bully moved to a different class? I wondered why you were upset for days until I found out it was because he was bullying kids in his new class and you were mad you couldn't do anything about it." He says and it unlocks a memory that you had long forgotten. "Maybe...your job isn't done yet. Which is why you don't feel good." 

“So to be clear, you’re telling me to go look for trouble?” 

He shrugs again, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “If that makes you happy, yeah.” 

The rest of the night you spend on the balcony, even after he bids you goodnight and tells you to get an early sleep. 

Stepping down from the train, back in the city, you feel a new sense of purpose. Not much different to the one you felt before you left. This confidence doesn’t last long and five steps into your new found personality, you stop and try to think of your next move. 

“Maybe I should get some breakfast.” You take the bus down to the café, surprising Hana on her morning shift. 

She gets you some pastries and a good coffee, noting the difference in your demeanor as soon as you step through the door. “Seems like you got your much needed rest.” She says. 

As the crowd starts to build, you take your leave and head for the apartment. There, you set aside the luggage and head straight for Hana’s room and the drawer by her bedside. The slip of paper with the address you had stolen from Jungkook still rests in there.

Grandeur Loft down at Jong-daero. Apartment number 403.  

𝄖

A month passes and nothing has changed. Jungkook continues to avoid you and you do the same, for now at least. You’ve managed to go back to the ‘normal’ before Jungkook, which is sad when you really think about it. Even Namjoon hasn’t contacted you much and you haven’t been to any more of his classes either. 

You haven’t forgotten about what your dad told you. About your incessant need to do things right. In fact you’ve thought about it a lot over the last month. Which is why you’re back in the dorms, searching for a particular unit that houses Jae. You had called in a favour from Sunhee to find out where he’s staying and it wasn’t particularly hard for her to get. You walk down the familiar halls you once stayed in during freshman year and finally find the one you’re looking for. 

You knock but there’s no answer. Pressing your ear to the door, you hear some shuffling inside. You knock again and this time a slightly frantic voice sounds from behind it. “Who is it?” 

“Hey I’m looking for Jae? It’s Y/N.” 

It opens seconds later with a confused looking Jae standing at the door. The shuffling you heard was him trying to hide his stash when you first knocked. He contemplates asking you in, so you ask first. “Can I come in?” 

“Um, sure.” Jae peeks his head out the hallway before stepping aside. “Why are you here?”

You look around his room. It’s a shared room so he only takes up half of it. Without much difficulty, you manage to spot where had stashed his drugs, part of the small packet with white powder inside sticking out from one of his shoes. He makes a move for it but you’re faster. “Because of this.” You hold up the packet. 

Immediately, he locks the door behind him. “You want some?” Then his eyes widened. “Wait, unless...am I in trouble? In that case those aren’t mine and I don’t know how it got there.”

Folding your arms across your chest, you squint your eyes and watch him sweat and shift uncomfortably under your stare. Until you break character and start laughing. “I’m just messing with you. You’re not in trouble.” 

He heaves out a sigh of relief and gulps down some water. “So what about those?” 

“I know you get your drugs from Jungkook. They’re good quality and I want some.” 

“Why don’t you just get it from him then?”

“We’re not together anymore.” You sigh. “So it’s kinda awkward, you know what I mean?” 

“I guess.” He thinks about it for a while. “I don’t know...Jungkook is kinda particular about his buyers. He keeps a close eye on every batch.” 

"Why?" 

"To keep the circle small." He says. "The bigger the circle, the more people know about him, the more likely someone's gonna run their mouth. We keep it small, we have a rough idea of who’s the snitch if it ever happens.” 

"So...I can't get any without him knowing?" 

"I mean if you really want some I guess I could share my portion of it with you." 

“Would you?” 

“But we can't tell Jungkook about it.” 

“I won’t.” 

You move in for a hug for good measure but he backs off and puts his hands up. “Sorry. Nothing personal. Just that you’re Jungkook’s ex and I...don’t want any trouble.” 

“Right.” You nod, laughing internally. You’re definitely not someone he should be dealing with if he’s looking to avoid trouble. 

“I don’t have enough right now.” He says, grabbing the one packet you’d grabbed earlier. Looking through the rest of the stash he hid under the bed, he does some mental calculation then turns back to you. “You’re gonna have to wait for the next supply.” 

“No problem.” You clap your hands excitedly. “When is that?” 

“Well Jungkook usually deals at parties so probably the next one?” Jae checks the calendar on his phone. “I’ll text you when.” 

Now, you wait. 

𝄖

The day before the party Jae texts you the location. This time it’s at an off-campus mansion hosted by one of the greek houses. You head there without knowing what to expect. A bigger house attracts a lot more people than usual. Jae specifically told you to wait for him outside, by the pool.

But you head inside to look for him instead. No one cares much for you so you move about the house without much difficulty. When Jae spots you among the crowd he rushes over, leaving behind his friends. “What are you doing? I said by the pool.” His eyes frantic, looking around as if worried he’d get into trouble just by talking to you. 

“I was bored.” You yell over the music. “Do you have it?” 

“Not yet. He’s not here.” 

“Okay I’ll hang around inside. Call me when you get it.” He objects but you pretend you don’t hear him over the music, walking away as quickly as possible. He loses you in the crowd and gives up eventually. 

You stay nearby, blending in with the walls with a drink in your hand, observing him. It’s an hour and a half later till he starts moving away from his group of friends and heads up the stairs. From a distance, you catch him with Jungkook on the second level, looking friendly as if they were merely catching up. It takes a while before they move behind a corner, hiding from view. You know that’s when the sale happens. And you move. 

You stroll up the stairs, timing it perfectly. Jungkook’s making his way back down and meets your eyes. Instead of ignoring you like he’s done the last month or so, he stops moving, eyes going wide in surprise. You look away and walk past him. 

Jae on the other hand looks panicked. His eyes keep darting over to where Jungkook stays rooted on the steps, watching you. “What are you doing…” His teeth are clenched. 

“Can I have my share?” You open your palm before him. 

He grabs you instead and shoves you into the nearest room. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What?” 

“We agreed he can’t find out about this!” He hisses down at you. “He’s going to kill me!”

“He’s not going to kill you.” The words you say mean nothing to him. “Here.” You hand him some cash, enough to pay for the packet he promised. 

“Ugh fine,” he’s about to hand you the packet, then stops. “Do you want the whole thing? I kinda…”

“Split it in half then.”

“Damn, that's only 9 grams of coke, why did I agree to this?” His hands move faster than his mouth, making space on the surface of a table.

It’s just then that there’s banging on the door. Jae freezes and the blood drains from his face as the door opens and Jungkook’s eyes dart over to him, the coke, you and back to him. “What’s going on guys?” 

“Uh….” 

“Nothing.” You interject coolly. 

“What are you doing with that?” He slides over to Jae and smiles wickedly. 

“He’s just⎼”

“I wasn’t asking you.” Jungkook glares. 

“Look Jungkook, I was just trying to-" 

You interrupt once again. "Honestly it's really none of your business what he does with his portion." 

Jungkook reaches for the packet and tells Jae to leave. He does so reluctantly, eyes focused on his drugs until Jungkook gives him one last glare that has him scrambling out. 

Jungkook watches you for a while. "What are you doing?"

"Can I have that please?" Palm held out before him, he can't believe what's happening. "I've paid for it." 

"No." 

"Whatever." 

When you walk off, he grabs your arm but you push him away. "Please just tell Jae to bring me my share. I’ll be waiting."

𝄖

Jae asks to meet up with you a few days later. So you wait by the entrance of the dorms. He trots down with a hoodie pulled up over his head but a regretful look on his face. “Hey.” 

The same amount of money you had given him, he now holds in his hands extended to you. “Come on.”

“I’m sorry.” He shrugs. “He won’t let me sell it to you.” 

“Well then do you know who will?” 

“I mean...he’s not the only dealer in town.” he confirms your interest in the way you raise your brows. “You might not get coke because that’s his thing...but you could probably get others from different people. You into weed?” 

“Sure I guess.” 

He grins. “Why don’t you drop by the Omega party this saturday?” 

“Will Jungkook be there?”

“I don’t know.” He tries to understand what’s going on, narrowing his eyes on you. “What’s the deal with the two of you anyway?”

He doesn’t get a reply, only a coy smile which could be deciphered many different ways.

𝄖

“There’s the guy right there.” 

Jae points you in the direction of a guy who looks like he graduated years ago, from the clothes he wears and the five o’ clock shadow on his face. “And he’s just gonna sell me weed? No questions asked?”

“Just look at him. Does he look like he cares about anything?”

“True.” 

Jae leaves you alone in the crowd after you’re clear on who to look for. But before you can move, Sunhee comes up to you, a surprised look on her face to find you here. She drags you in the direction opposite of Mr. weed and you look back in frustration. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

“I’m only here for him actually.”

“Ew.” Sunhee eyes the older man, “Why? If you want a rebound, I can get you⎼”

“It’s not a rebound.” you roll your eyes and make a smoking gesture.

Sunhee’s mouth opens in understanding then morphs into confusion. “Since when do you smoke weed?” 

“Since right now.” 

She stops you, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Can you even trust him?”

“Come with me and see for yourself then.” Sunhee isn’t given much of a choice when you take off with her arm still around yours. She trots along behind you, carefully watching the guy as you speak to him about something. 

He smiles, scans you top to bottom and signals for you to follow him into one of the rooms in the quieter area of the house. “Wait here.” He tells you before slipping inside for a minute. Sunhee tries to tell you something but you brush her off as he appears once again. “Edibles or joints?” 

“Um...which gets me higher faster?” 

“First-timer?” He leans against the door and gives you a greasy smile. “Why don’t you join me and my friends tonight and I’ll get you started on the best kind. Free if you stay over.” 

Sunhee hides her face behind you to let out a gag. “I’ll just get some joints. Thanks.” 

“Okay.” He opens the door all the way and lets you in. 

Behind you, Sunhee’s tapping your arm incessantly, as if trying to warn you about something but you disregard it as you enter the dark room, with three others inside, rolling the joints, packing edibles and counting cash. The door closes behind you. “How many you need?” 

“I don’t know...one?” 

“One?” The girl rolling joints giggles without looking at you. “Trust me, get like, five.” 

“Five it is then.” 

You wait as your joints get packed nicely. “Twenty.” 

“Twenty dollars?” You study the packet you’re given. 

“That’s my best price.” he leans against a table and eyes you again. “I only give the best prices to the prettiest ladies.” 

“You don’t even know me.” You can’t tell if you’re being scammed. In hindsight you should’ve asked Jae how much they usually go for. Regardless, you’re already here. He accepts the money you hand him, fingers lingering over yours for a few seconds after. 

“We can fix that.” He says, “You free tomorrow?” 

“Dude, you seriously don’t know who that is?” The other guy in the room speaks up after finally tearing his eyes away from the cash and on you. 

With narrowed brows, the older man tears away from the other guy and takes another good look at you. “All I see is a pretty little thing.” You understand why Sunhee was gagging earlier. It takes a lot not to when you’re faced with this. 

“That’s Jungkook’s girlfriend.” The other hisses. He straightens up and frowns. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Ex-girlfriend actually.” 

“Okay, you need to leave right now.” 

He starts pushing you out and you resist. “What? Why? I⎼”

As he opens the door, his hand retracts and he quietens down. It’s only when you look out that you realise Jungkook is standing against the opposite wall, on foot planted on it for support. He nods to the guy in acknowledgement and the guy nods back in respect. “You need to go.” He mutters quietly to you.

“Fine.” 

The door closes the moment you step outside and you’re pretty sure you heard a lock. Without sparing Jungkook another glance, you start down the hallway but don’t get far before he’s catching up with you and eventually dragging you by the hand outside. “Give me that.” He reaches for the joints but you move before he can grab it. 

“They’re mine.” You insist. “Are you stalking me?” 

Jungkook juts out his jaw, stepping closer to you. “What kind of game are you trying to play?” He asks. 

This is the first time since the breakup where you’ve actually gotten to take a good look at his face up close. “I’m not trying to play any games. Especially not with you.” 

“Why are you so angry at me?” He tilts his head. 

“Because you’re stalking me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Jungkook narrows his eyes at you in a mocking manner. “I just happen to go to these parties. Parties that you were never a fan of.” 

“Okay well I’m not here for the party.” You state. “I’m just here for the weed.” 

“You don’t smoke weed.” 

“Maybe if you would let Jae sell me some of that coke I wouldn’t.” 

Jungkook is very obviously taken aback by your comment. More so because you directly addressed the fact that he supplies drugs to Jae; something he’s tried very hard to keep from you. He can’t keep eye contact, out of embarrassment and wondering when it was that you had found out. Had you known from the start? Was that why you and Jae seemed to know each other before?

You feel slightly sorry when he backs off like a hurt puppy. But you maintain your resolve. When it seems like he wouldn’t stop you, you head off and leave him behind at the house. 

𝄖

The next morning Hana knocks on your door gently and peeks inside. You’re still curled up under the covers, finding it hard to get out of bed. Truthfully, you’re feeling bad about what you said to Jungkook last night. You knew you had caught him off-guard. 

“Hey...can we talk?” She moves forward when she sees your little nod. “So...I wanted to ask you how you’re doing? Like, is there anything you want to get off your chest?” 

“Hana, we live together. You know how I’m doing.” You mutter as you get into a sitting position. “Is something wrong?”

“Well, you see.” she has trouble finding the right words. “I’ve heard that you’re…”

“What?” 

“You were buying drugs?” 

“Hana it’s just weed,” you nod over to the package you got last night sitting on your desk, “not like we haven’t smoked weed before.” 

“Fair point.” She notes, “but you never really liked it. And you haven’t since first year. Is something bothering you? Are you still feeling bad about the breakup? I thought you were fine since you look fine and you haven’t said a word about it since sem break so it just seemed like you were over⎼”

“Hana. Hana listen,” you grab her hands, “relax. I’m fine. It’s just...complicated.” 

“Okay.” She nods. “But you were buying cocaine? That’s like...I don’t know? But I’m worried about you.” 

“Wait a minute, how do you know about that?” 

She opens her mouth then closes it, eyes wandering across the room in an effort to avoid yours. “Someone told me.”

“Was that someone...Jungkook?” 

Her silence and skittish smile says it all. “It might have been.” 

Just when she thinks you might start nagging about him, you break out into laughter. “He actually contacted you to snitch on me? Wow.”

“You seem really happy about this.” Her demeanour changes, now putting the spotlight on you. Eyes trained to see right through you. “Was all of that intentional?” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

Just then your phone rings. She doesn’t get a chance to question you further when you answer the call, stepping aside as you do. 

𝄖

The joints remained untouched on your desk the entire week. Hana had been coming into your room more often, bringing you food or helping you fold your clothes, but you knew it was mostly to check on the joints. Still, you entertain her anyway. 

Sometime after dinner and before bedtime, you sneak out to another party while she’s studying in her room. This time you spot Jungkook before he spots you. And just as you do, Sunhee approaches you again. 

“Do you like...go to every one of these parties?” You ask, wondering how she even has enough clothes to spare. 

She shrugs. “I actually wasn’t even planning to come tonight but⎼ nevermind. What are you doing here though? Buying more drugs?” 

“Damn, if you know it means the entire school knows.” 

She looks offended. “Excuse you. I only know because I was with you that night you bought weed.” 

“Ohhhh, right.” You chuckle only to realise that she had disappeared after you went into the room. “I totally forgot about that.” 

She rolls her eyes as you utter an apology, hugging her while she pushes you off. “So? Am I right? You’re here to find some drugs?” 

“Do you know where I can find them?” 

Of course she does. She spends enough time with this crowd and by now knows who’s who and who to look for. “Second floor. You’d know which room.” 

“Great.” You squeeze her arm. “Thank you.” 

With one last look in Jungkook’s direction just to make sure he’s not following you, you hurry up the stairs and look for the room. Easy. Blue light emits from under the door and you hear multiple voices speaking softly inside. One knock on the door and it opens slowly. A group of them, already high, spread out across the room, enjoying each other’s company. The room is filled with smoke and you’re bombarded with the smell even before you step inside. 

“Hey...you look familiar.” A girl with pink hair says, smoking a joint. 

“Um, maybe ‘cause we go to school together?” 

“Prolly yeah.” She starts giggling and rests her head on the edge of the bed. “Here to join us?”

“Actually I have a favour to ask.” 

It takes a while before any of them respond and you wonder if it’s because they’re high or if they don’t want to. “What’s up?”

𝄖

Jungkook speeds up the stairs as soon as he gets word. You’re doing it again. He can’t understand what’s going on with you. Hana told him you were fine. So why are you acting unlike yourself? 

He skips the knock and opens the door without warning, startling everyone inside. Including you, sitting in the midst of everyone. Surprise is etched on your face. He takes wide strides, grabs a hold of your hand and pulls you away. 

“Hey!” You’re not strong enough to stop or resist this time, forced to go along. 

Out the room and into the empty one next to it, he flings you inside and closes the door behind. You almost fall to the ground but save yourself by holding on to the bed. “What the hell.” You hiss after finding your balance.

“Yeah. What the hell?!” He scowls. 

You move away when he approaches you, moving in a circle like predator and prey. With the lights off, you can only depend on the light from outside coming through the window to guide you but it’s not enough to maneuver your way around without leaving your eyes from him. Eventually your back hits a chest of drawers and he moves forward too quickly, trapping you in between. “What do you want?” You ask, voice as quiet as a mouse. 

“I want to know why you’re doing this.” His voice slightly above a whisper, raspy. You’re mad that it makes your knees weak. “Why are you sourcing out drugs and hanging out with these people?” 

“These people?” You look up at him. “Aren’t you...one of these people?” 

He shifts but it only closes the gap between you. “I don’t like it.” 

“Don’t like what?” 

“You doing drugs.” 

“That’s rich coming from you.” his eyes flicker away. “You deal drugs and you’re telling me you don’t want me to take drugs. Also, what’s it to you? I can do whatever I want.” 

“Why are you acting like I’m the bad guy here?” He asks, palm resting against the drawer to your right. “You broke up with me, remember?” 

“I know what I did, but I’m not talking about that.” You swear you see a tiny smirk forming on his face at your retort. His eyes dart to the necklace he gave you, hanging around your neck. “I’m talking about how you’re butting into my life. You just pulled me out of a fucking room like a child.” 

“It was a room full of people who were high.” He states like it wasn’t obvious already. “I know you. You’re not into all of that.” 

“Maybe you just don’t know me well enough.” 

“Oh, I know you well.” His eyes dart lower over your form and you gulp, trying to keep your resolve. “I know each and every part of you.” 

“Eyes up here, buddy.” It’s not fair how he does things to you. “I know you well, too. You’re a hypocrite.” 

“Excuse me?” It breaks his trance from you.

“You won’t let me take drugs or hang out with those people in the other room because it’s ‘not me’. And yet all this while, have I not been dating a drug dealer? Who hands out drugs at his club where I worked at. Which offers ‘services’ to VIP customers? But now suddenly it’s not my scene⎼”

“I don’t want you to get hooked on it!” He raises his voice. 

“You’re so full of shit.” 

His hands come up to your cheeks. “Watch that fucking mouth.” He breathes hard, looking down at you with eyes that could burn. “You know I hate it when you speak to me like that.” 

Your mouth parts when his comes close to yours, hovering over your lips. Your throat goes dry at the sudden proximity. “I don’t give a fuck about what you⎼”

He kisses you to shut you up. Your eyes remain closed when he pulls away momentarily to gauge your reaction. When you don’t stop him, he does it again, this time your hands cling to his shirt desperately. 

He tastes as sweet as he always had. Hands pull your hips towards his and it’s embarrassing how your knees buckle at the sudden movement. “Not so tough now, are we?” He says against your lips. 

“You're an idiot." 

He swoops you into his hold and carries you to a desk, flipping you over so your back is against his chest. Fingers move down your jeans and your mouth parts when they reach your sensitive spots, back arching, head resting against his shoulder.

Your hand grips his arm tightly, trying to keep yourself from falling over. He removes his hand and you gain momentary sanity before he unbuttons your jeans and pulls it down along with your panties in one go, exposing you. One hand holding you close to his chest while the other rubs over your folds, he whispers into your ear, "Don't think I'm gonna let you off so easily after running that mouth of yours." 

"You're just mad- ah- because I'm right." Your breaths get shallow. 

It doesn’t take much to get you dripping wet. After all, it's been about two months since you've last felt his touch. 

Removing the arm over your chest, he unbuckles his own pants and slips out of them. He pushes against your back, bending you over the desk and aligns himself with your entrance. You wait with as much anticipation as he does, gasping out loud when he finally enters.

"Fuck...fuck-"

Groaning behind you, he doesn’t wait to start pumping in and out at a steady pace as you hold on to the table. Your mind is in a frenzy from the pleasure, you barely remember how to move. He pulls you up and wraps his arms around your middle to keep your back against his chest and thighs together.

"Does that feel good?" He whispers against your ear and you nod, eyes hooded with lust. "Did you miss me?" 

"Y-yes." 

"Say it." 

"I missed you," you blurt out mindlessly and he makes sure you're looking up at him as you speak, "I missed having you inside me. Just like this." 

He lets out a guttural sound hearing your voice, having missed it for so long. Holding on to your waist he continues to slam his hips into yours, not paying any mind to the sounds of his skin slapping against yours. No one downstairs would hear you anyway with the music playing so loud. 

He pushes up your bra and rubs the hardened nipples beneath, then palming your breasts which makes you moan louder. With your head resting against him, he slides a hand back down and rubs your clit in circles, making your knees buckle, almost causing you to fall but he holds on to you tight. 

"Oh my god-" you whisper, "I'm gonna cum." 

He keeps going until he feels your thighs twitching and your body starts to go tense. You yell out as you claim your high, pushing your ass against him to feel each thrust, convulsing under the strong orgasm. He grabs your hair in his hold and starts ramming into you. You cry out at the intensity of it, holding on to the edge of the desk with your fingertips until you hear him groan and heat spreading inside you when he finally comes, finishing off with sloppy thrusts. 

Releasing his grip on you, he lets his body go limp against yours and you fall to the desk with his chest against your back and his cock still throbbing inside you. You don’t move for as long as he stays in place and you could have sworn you felt his lips grazing your shoulder, lightly placing a kiss there.

Once he removes himself from you, you get up slowly, slightly embarrassed over how this started and ended. You rush over to the attached bathroom and clean yourself up, taking the time to splash some cold water over your face and look in the mirror asking yourself what you’ve done. When you step back into the room, he’s still there waiting for you. 

“Hey Jungkook, listen I⎼”

“I’ll leave first so people won’t see us together.” He starts for the door, making you confused. 

“Wait, what?” 

“Sorry about being a dick.” He says, one hand already on the doorknob, eyes downcast. “I guess you’re right. I’m not your boyfriend. I’m a hypocrite. You can do whatever you want, I won’t disturb you anymore.” 

“What?” You walk over. “We just had sex. We should talk about it.” 

Jungkook sighs. “Sorry. Like I said, I won’t disturb you anymore.” 

“Ju⎼”

He leaves you. Alone and confused in a random room of a random mansion you’re not familiar with. You try to wrap your head around what just happened and why. Ten minutes later, you exit the room. Instead of leaving like you meant to, you head back into the first room where the pink-haired girl welcomes you once again. This time you take up her offer. 

𝄖

You don’t make it home till the next morning, stumbling into the apartment just as Hana is getting ready to leave. You’re on your knees at the door where you finally manage to slot your key in, then push the door open. 

“What the hell…” Hana comes to your side, helping you up. “Oh my god, are you drunk?” 

“Nope.” You manage to walk on your own, despite it not being in a straight line. There’s a smile on your face and you even twirl on the way to your room. 

“Where have you been?” Hana comes with. “You weren’t in your room so I thought you’d left for classes early.” 

“I went on a trip.” You fall back onto the bed with a bounce, cuddling a pillow.

“A trip?” She notes the smell on you then eyes the unopened package of joints still sitting on your desk. “Are you high?” 

You side eye her and then look up at the ceiling which seems to be moving. “Possibly.” 

“What happened?” She asks softly, pushing away the hair covering your face. You seem to go back to your senses and think about it for a minute. 

“He left me.” You say dismally. Now the room spins in a way you don’t like so you shut your eyes close. “I was all alone.” 

Hana joins you on the bed but the movement makes you sit up suddenly, hand over your mouth. You gag and she panics, hurriedly making a grab for the trashcan just in time for you to spill your guts out into it. 

𝄖

The rest of the week goes by without any more drugs. Feeling horrible for putting Hana through that, you made sure to keep yourself busy and occupied enough to forget about Jungkook and that night. She skipped school to take care of you that morning and to make sure you didn’t fall sick. The next day you were feeling fine again but she kept a close eye on you from a distance. 

Somehow in the state you were in, you had told her what happened. You don’t remember doing so though. She wasn’t meant to know because you don’t want her to worry. Which is why you tried your best not to have a repeat of that night. But it’s proven to be difficult when you’re constantly reminded of it every time you see Jungkook on campus. 

“Jungkook, this is bad. I don’t know where she is.” Hana freaks out in front of him. 

She called him when you didn’t get home after six. You had nowhere to be, or at least it’s not anywhere you’d told her you’d be. 

“Calm down.” Jungkook tries to calm her. She’s been pacing back and forth along the pavement of your building for half an hour. Namjoon waits by the side of the car, watching the two of them. He’s worried about you too. “I’m sure she’s fine.” 

“She came home high last week.” 

“She did?” Jungkook then remembers what he’d said. That he wouldn’t interfere with you. He shouldn’t be as mad as he is that you actually got high. “Maybe she’s with the same group of people that she got high with the last time.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Hana heats up. 

“I mean. There’s really nothing I can do about it.” Jungkook says. “She said it herself, it’s her life. And I shouldn’t butt in.” 

“How can you say that?” Jungkook takes a step back when Hana shoots daggers at him. “Don’t you love her?” 

“Of course I do but⎼”

“Then why did you leave her that night?” 

His mouth parts and he gulps. “She told you?” Hana nods, anger all over her face. “I just⎼ I don’t know. We were broken up and she did tell me to my face that what she does is none of my concern anymore.” 

“Okay.” She holds out her palms and takes a deep breath. “But do you really want to see her go down this path?” 

Of course he doesn’t. He whips out his phone and starts texting people while Hana tries to get a glimpse of his screen. “I’ve sent a text to a couple of people and asked around. Hopefully someone’s seen her today.” 

It’s almost dark out so there aren’t many places where you could be. Namjoon tries to text you himself, but the text doesn’t get seen. 

“I’ve been to the dorms.” Hana says. “She’s not there, never was. I checked with the security.” 

“Okay, why don’t you leave this to me.” Jungkook suggests, guiding her back into the building. “You stay home in case she comes back. I’ll go check the place where we were last time.”

Hana agrees reluctantly, leaving Jungkook and Namjoon to go look for you. It’s a quiet drive but the air inside is heavy. Namjoon looks at Jungkook from the corner of his eyes, trying to read his expression. 

“Just say what you wanna say.” Jungkook keeps his cool as he drives. Getting worked up isn’t gonna help him find you any sooner. “Stop giving me that look.” 

“Did you really leave after having sex with her?” 

“I didn’t⎼” Jungkook groans. “It’s not like that. I wasn’t using her or anything.”

“So?”

They arrive in front of the house. “When we were...you know, in the moments after I thought about how much I love her and would do anything to protect her. I thought if we made up after that, I’d be putting her in harm’s way again by being with me. Especially now with the merge.” 

“But what about keeping her away from drugs?” Namjoon asks. 

“I know I know.” Jungkook hits his head against the headrest. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I panicked and bolted.” 

They soon arrive and Jungkook parts right in front of the mansion. Empty compared to last week. Which means it won’t be difficult to find you. 

“Alright man.” Namjoon pats his shoulder and starts unbuckling the seatbelt. “Let’s talk about this later and see if she’s here.” 

Namjoon knocks on the door but no one answers. Jungkook bangs on it next and Namjoon had to stop him from almost kicking it down. Someone opens it seconds later, eyes wide at the unexpected guests. He stands by the door with no intention to let them in but one step forward from Jungkook and he’s talking three steps back, opening the door all the way. 

“Is she here?” 

“Who?” 

Jungkook clenches his jaw. “Have you seen a girl you’ve never seen before, go through those doors earlier?” 

“Um…” He swallows. “Upstairs.” 

The two men head up the stairs together and it’s like deja vu for Jungkook, opening the door to find you there in the midst of the others. But this time, you’re sitting on a chair, spinning as you look up at the ceiling, amused by the glow-in-the-dark stars. You don’t even notice their presence until Namjoon calls out for you. 

You wait for the chair to slowly come to a stop on its own. “Joonie.” 

Namjoon raises his brow in question and Jungkook can barely look at you in this state so he steps outside. “Yup it’s me, Joonie. Wanna go for a drive?” 

“No! I wanna stay with friends and watch the stars turn.” 

Everyone else in the room is too high to care about the intrusion. “Relax dude. She’s having fun here.” 

“How about you keep your mouth shut and I won’t make life difficult for you?” 

He raises his hands in defense but laughs after. Jungkook moves past Namjoon this time and takes matters into his own hands. He puts one arm under your legs and the other supports your back as he carries you out. “Hey!” You object and weakly punch him on the chest.

After a while you get distracted by the lights on the ceiling passing you by as he goes. Then you see the dark sky. But no stars this time and you pout. As Jungkook seats you in the backseat, your eyes finally land on him and you go quiet. “You look like him.” 

He doesn’t speak, not even as you say his name. 

𝄖

Everything is spinning when you open your eyes. It takes a few tries before your eyes get used to the bright light. Whatever you’re sleeping on feels good though, like a million fluffy pillows around you, keeping you soft and cool. You don’t even think to question where you’re at. Not until you realise you’re not alone.

You turn on your other side and Jungkook lies asleep just inches away, mouth parted as he snores lightly. Your head still hurts, but you decide to stay on this side and watch him. 

You’re in a t-shirt that’s not yours while he’s shirtless. But you can’t remember what happened last night. It was all a blank. Did you two….again? You couldn’t have. You shamelessly scoot closer, closing the inches in between so that you’re almost touching him. You gently let your head rest against his chest but regret it immediately as he stirs right after, as if he felt a disturbance. 

You sit up instead and watch him stretch and finally get up. He looks at you through sleepy eyes. “You’re up.” He says in his morning voice. 

He doesn’t kiss you good morning like he used to. But of course, why would he? You’re no longer together. That doesn’t stop you from wishing he would.

“Did we…” you stop short of completing the sentence and eyes dart to his body. 

“Oh. No.” is all he says. “You didn’t want to be alone. You were crying and insisted I sleep on the same bed. And wanted my shirt.” 

“I did?” 

“You probably just had a bad trip.” 

He gets up without another glance your way. While he washes off in the shower, you explore the new place you’re in. An expensive-looking apartment you’d never step foot in before. Everything looks brand new, clean and expensive. Top to bottom windows making sure the place gets enough natural light. 

You take a step towards it to take in the view. Amazing. Looking down at the street below you realise it looks familiar. Something clicks in your head and you aim for the front door, opening it to look at the golden number plates at the top. “Apartment 403.”

Grandeur Loft down at Jong-daero. Apartment number 403. 

The address on the note. You’re standing in that same apartment. So this is it. But what’s so special about this place? Nothing seemed off. The only thing you found weird is that it lacks any personal touches, like photos or random decorative items that would tell you what kind of person the occupant is. None of that, making it look bare. Like a hotel room instead. Perhaps you had been mistaken and this place meant nothing at all. 

“Why don’t you freshen up?” 

His voice startles you out of your thoughts and you spin a little too quickly, making your head throb. He almost steps forward to hold you but you hold up a hand to signal that you’re fine. 

“Hana was really worried about you last night. I’ll send you home straight after this.” 

“Oh okay.” You go off quietly, feeling a little dejected with the way he doesn’t even look at you for more than a few seconds. 

You wear back the same clothes you had on last night and unfortunately the lingering smell brings back some memories of flashing lights and moving stars. Which does nothing to soothe your already throbbing head. You decline when he offers you food or drinks, afraid that whatever goes in might come back out. The ride down the elevator is long and quiet. As is the ride home. 

“Sorry Hana made you look for me last night.” You finally muster up the courage to say while he drives. 

“She didn’t make me.” Jungkook states. “I wanted to.” 

You look at him for a good second. “Thanks.” 

The silence is suffocating and you think you’re still feeling a little dizzy from whatever you took last night. You wonder if he’d let you turn on the radio. 

“I’m sorry I left you that night.” He says. “It was fucked up.” 

You weren’t expecting him to outright address it. But it does make you feel better knowing he regrets it. “It’s alright. I probably would’ve left me too. I said some mean things to you.” 

“Did you take the drugs because of me? Because I left?” 

“I didn’t mean to. It just kind of happened.” You say looking down. “I wanted to not feel sad that night.” 

It gets quiet again in the car but not so much in Jungkook’s head. “Could you please not do it again?” You’re hoping he’d say he cares for you again. He clears his throat and adjusts his seating. “Hana was really worried since you left without a word and all.” 

“Oh.” Was Hana the only one worried? He probably meant it when he said he won’t interfere anymore. Despite saying he wanted to look for you, you know it was Hana’s doing. You’d seen the texts from last night. "Were you? Worried, I mean."

"Does it matter?" He furrows his brows, eyes glancing to you in between the rear view mirror and the road before him. "Why are you asking? Are you doing this on purpose to get my attention?" 

"Is that what you think I’m doing?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

You don’t say another word till you reach the front of the apartment. "If I wanted your attention all I'd have to do is bat my eyelashes and yell at you, then apparently you'd find it in you somewhere to finally look at me and maybe have your way with me, then leave like nothing happened." 

"Isn't that what you did the other night?" 

"You know what-" you shove him roughly and he looks at you with his mouth parted. "Fuck you." You land a punch but your bark is louder than your bite when the punch that lands barely has any impact. 

"Fuck!" You punch him again. "You!"

"You done?" 

"No! I'm not getting out of this car!" 

He turns off the engine. "So you hate me but you want to be stuck in an enclosed space with me." 

"Were you worried about me or not?" You ask again, arms crossed, brows furrowed like a child throwing a tantrum. 

"Of course I was." He says and you calm down, features softening. You direct your eyes to him cautiously. "I don’t want you to get in trouble. Or get sick. Or hurt.” 

“Don’t you see?” You speak softly after a while. “I feel the same way about you.”

“You do?” 

You choose your next words carefully. This might be the only chance you have of getting your point across. If he takes it the wrong way, you might lose him forever. “It’s the same feeling I get with you. When you go off to work.” 

He frowns, shakes his head to take it all in. Eyes focused on a random spot of the car, he licks his bottom lip and bites it. “Wait a minute,” he holds up a finger, “that’s what this is about?” 

“That I care about you, yes.” 

“It sounds to me like you’re just trying to get me to not do my job.” He scoffs. “Come on Y/N, don’t turn into another Hoseok. He doesn’t actually know what he’s talking about. It’s not as bad as he makes it out to be.” 

“Oh yeah? Then why do you stop me every time I brought it up while we were dating?” He goes quiet. “You’ve kept it from me since the start. I know you were protecting me, just like you were trying to protect me when you thought I was turning to drugs. I know everything, Jungkook.” 

“You don’t know everything.” 

“I do!” You swallow down the acid bubbling up your throat. “I know it all. You’re part of a gang that supplies drugs to people in this town, this city. You supply them to the kids at our school.” 

“Y/N⎼” 

“The club is a front for you to solicit sex workers!” Tears start to stream down your cheeks. “Don’t you think I noticed you guys were reporting an unusual amount of money in your finances?! The only logical explanation for that large amount of money would be using the club as a front for money laundering as well! I know, Jungkook. Even though you tried to hide it from me⎼”

“Yeah for good reason.” He raises his voice and the sound echoing in the car makes you dizzy. “Look at how you’re acting right now! So it’s true, this is the reason why you broke up with me. Why can’t you just accept the fact that this is who I am?!” 

“I do!” You’re full on sobbing now, desperately wiping away the tears that continue to fall. “I wouldn’t have continued to be with you if I didn’t!” 

Jungkook looks away, leaning on his hand which rests next to the window, massaging his temples with his thumb and index finger. He can’t accept anything you’re saying right now. He wants some peace. Some peace and quiet to wrap his head around how you’ve known all that he’s involved in this whole time. When did you first find out? Why didn’t you say anything? 

Your sobs slowly die down to sniffs and little hiccups. He forces himself not to give in and let you bury your face into his chest. You’re crying because of him. Hurting because of him. 

“I only did this to prove a point.” You say, voice rough from all the yelling. “I know that you can do better. You don’t have to keep living a life of crime.” 

“A life of crime?” He mutters to himself but loud enough for you to hear. “What the hell is that? Are you narrating a documentary or something?” 

“I’m serious.” You reach over the console and place your cold hands on his arm. They’re trembling slightly. “I love you and I can’t sit back and watch you ruin your life.” 

He pulls his arm away and shuts his eyes. Maybe if he believes hard enough, this whole fight isn’t happening. He’d wake up in his bed and all of this was just a nightmare. But your voice breaks his focus. 

“Jungkook…”

“You don’t know everything okay?” He spits out. “It’s not like I can send in a resignation letter to announce my departure. Years of hard work, loyalty, service.”

“Jungkook⎼”

“No listen,” you press your hand to your chest and hold back several gags, “we have a bond. Suga and I...and everyone else⎼”

“Jungkook!”

“What?!” 

In the next moments your hands have never moved faster, unlocking the door and pushing it open just in time for you to lean your head out and throw up all over the side of the car. Jungkook’s eyes go wide. “Oh shit.” He helps you unbuckle the seatbelt and rubs a soothing hand over your back. 

Once you’ve stopped vomiting he leaves the driver’s side, grabs a bottled water form one of the compartments and walks over to your side of the door. Careful to avoid the gastric liquid you excreted, he pours some water onto his palm and helps to clean up your mouth. 

You sit there embarrassed at the way he’s taking care of you. He uses the rest of the water to wash off the vomit from the road into the drain. Then he helps you get out of the car carefully, holding on to your hand. Thankfully he does, as you see starts as soon as you stand on your feet and almost drops to the ground right there.

He carries you with an arm under your knees and another supporting your back. “It’s because you didn’t have anything to eat.” He says softly as he brings you up to your place, using his foot to knock on the door. You lie there quietly, unable to look at him much less say anything. 

When Hana opens the door, she almost goes into a frenzy until Jungkook shakes his head to stop her. He carries you right to the bathroom, making sure you can stand on your feet so you can wash your face and brush the acid out your mouth. He leaves you to it and you hear him talking to Hana though you can’t make it out. 

You hope he’d be there when you come back out. But just as you step into the living room, you see the front door close and Hana’s busying herself in the kitchen, preparing something for you. You approach her carefully and only when you come close does she look at you, eyes filled with anger at first but they soften as they see the look of anguish on your face. 

You crash into her and start crying all over again and she doesn’t stop you, a warm comforting hand brushing over your head. 

#jungkook fics #networkbangtan #kwritersworldnet #jungkook x you #jungkook smut #jungkook scenarios #rainworks #my fic

[blackacre13]

Hand holding-32

32. not really paying attention, both doing something else, but still holding hands

Twenty years ago, this would have been Debbie Ocean’s worst nightmare come true.

Flowers in the yard. Upstate New York. Colonial home. Two cars in the driveway. Two kids running around and screaming in the backyard.

And then there was the one thing that twenty years ago, Debbie Ocean couldn’t have imagined having forever, even in her wildest of dreams, and yet, it was real. She was real. Lou.

Tammy teased her for it. Danny would have given her absolute hell for it. But she knew she was making both of them proud. And Lou had done her the unasked favor of renting her a secret hideaway apartment in the city where she could disappear from time to time to plot cons or read a book, or what usually ended up happening, texting or calling Lou anyway, and missing all of the Miller-Oceans too much to end up even staying the night. She’d miss home too much.

But today, the two partners were enjoying the last few moments of silence before chaos was bound to descend upon them once more. The news had already called for cancellations the next day due to snow and that meant snow day pancakes, sledding, snow ball fights, and the kids attempting to shovel the driveway to get kudos from their mothers before Lou snuck out to re-do it all before it had a chance to freeze while Debbie distracted their children with hot chocolate.

“We have enough groceries if the storm gets crazier than we think?” Lou asked suddenly, breaking Debbie out of her overthinking and reminiscing as she looked up from the document she’d been neglecting to read for almost an hour now. It was an accounting file from her day job, or as Lou referred to it, her normal person moonlighting with the usual side of crime.

“Think so,” Debbie muttered, eyes scanning through the document to determine how much time she’d actually need to read it once she managed to have the concentration for it later. “Could always just do take out. The kids love that.”

“You love that,” Lou chuckled, shaking her head. “I don’t want some delivery person mucking through the snow because of our poor planning.”

“We’ve got plenty, baby. We just went. And even you said I went a bit overboard.”

“I didn’t know a Costco membership could make even millionaires rethink their savings,” Lou sighed. “Should’ve known better than to let you go alone.”

“I made rational decisions,” Debbie protested as the blonde let out a snort.

“It could’ve been butter. It could’ve been paper towels. But no, you go insane on jars of pickles.”

“It was a good deal, Lou.”

“Because no one in their right mind could ever need that amount of pickles!”

Debbie burst into giggles as her wife gave her a stern look, completely serious about such a ridiculous topic until the two were laughing together, Lou closing her laptop and taking her reading glasses off to wipe at the tears forming at her eyes.

Debbie’s heart fluttered as she looked down between them, Lou’s right hand in her left. She hadn’t even realized. She wondered if Lou had. Debbie didn’t know who had initiated it, or if their hands had just found each others’ and held on tight, Lou balancing her laptop and scrolling with her left and Debbie holding her paperwork with her right. Without rhyme, or reason, or a plan.

“Just tell me there’s chocolate chips,” Lou spoke once she’d caught her breath. “You know Danni will flip shit if you offer her plain snow day pancakes.”

“Imagine the horror,” Debbie rolled her eyes. “She’s not the only one.”

“If there’s no chocolate chips, they’re just not pancakes, Deb.”

“You’re a pain in my ass, Miller.”

“Don’t forget the hyphenate when you sass me, darling.”

#queue #blackacre13 #oceans eight #oceans 8 #ocean’s eight #ocean’s 8 #ocean’s eight fanfiction #ocean’s eight fanfic #ocean’s 8 fanfic #ocean’s 8 fanfiction #touch asks #kid fic #Danielle ocean #danni ocean #Lou x debbie #Lou miller #Debbie ocean #Lou and debbie #Debbie and lou #Debbie x lou #lou miller x debbie ocean #heist girlfriends #heist wives #Loubbie #Lou and Deb #Deb and lou #miller-ocean #O8 fanfic #O8 fanfiction

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter three rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peter’s greatest love and Spiderman’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

Peter arrived at the Avengers tower with a little pep in his step. His new neighbor was on his mind and he couldn’t get her off. He knew it was a long shot, after all you’d only had one conversation, but he felt like there was a connection between you. You were awkward, he was awkward. What more does a relationship need?

Tony was quick to notice the change in Peters mood. A dreamy smile crept across his face every now and then while Tony was trying to explain something about his nanotechnology.

“Alright Underoos, whats on your mind? A girl? Boy? That gorgeous Aunt of yours? Oh wait no, that’s what’s on my mind.” Tony smirked, making a blush paint Peters cheeks.

“Nothing sir. Sorry, I’ll pay attention.” Peter answered quickly. Tony scanned Peter up and down skeptically.

“So its a girl. Alright. Who is she?” Tony asked, motioning for Peter to sit down with him.

“This girl moved in across the hall from me about a week ago. I’d see her on the stairs sometimes, or in the lobby. She’s beautiful, Mr. Stark. I mean, really beautiful. And I know girls are a lot more than their appearance, trust me, but I can never look away. It’s like God made a perfect batch of cookie dough, and then made a perfect cookie cutter, and then hand made her just for me. There’s just, there’s something about her. I feel like I’ve always known her, and I don’t even know her yet. She knocked on my door this morning and I nearly had a heart attack when I saw her through the peephole. I played dumb and acted like I didn’t know she lived across the hall.” Peter started to explain. A twinge of embarrassment struck him at the memory of what he said to you.

“Oh God. You said something stupid, didn’t you?” Tony inquired, noticing the look of embarrassment on Peters face as he recalled their conversation. Tony leaned on his hands like a child, this stuff exciting him more than anything.

“I insulted her dead father and called him smelly.” Peter admitted, and Tony laughed.

“But she found it funny and agreed with me.” Peter quickly followed up.

“Wow. Normally I’d say there’s no coming back from that, but she seems like a keeper. So, are you gonna throw on your Spidey suit and take her for a ride around the city? Works with all the ladies.” Tony wiggled eyebrows, but Peter shook his head.

“No. Spider-Man isn’t a party trick or some tactic to pick up girls. Plus, I want her to like me for me. That’s why I invited her over for dinner tonight.” Peter answered. Tony looked down at his hands, not wanting Peter to see how proud he was. He couldn’t let Peter get too cocky.

“That was a test and you passed.” To y quipped. “Alright, spider child, you have my blessing. But no funny business tonight. If I find out I’m gonna have to design nanotech baby clothes, I’m gonna be pissed.”

Peter blushed at the mere thought of what Tony was implying and spent the rest of his time at the tower going over missions to get you off his mind.

You arrived at Peters at 6:07. You were done getting ready at 5:45, and sat in the living room on your phone until you were slightly late. You didn’t want to be early, like some loser. Or even worse, on time. You had to be fashionably, but not rudely, late.

You knocked on Peters door at 6:07 and waited. The door swung open instantly, as if he’d be waiting right behind.

“I know what you’re thinking.” He stated. “I’ll let you decide if I was waiting at the door for you or if I’m just really fast. “

He had successfully broken the ice, and you gave kudos to him for trying.

You, on the other hand, were drawing a blank. You had no idea what to say and you were a reporter for crying out loud. You didn’t get tripped up on my words, but something about Peter Parker and that damn collared shirt rendered you unable to formulate a thought. All you could do was stand there and smile at him. You felt like you were standing weirdly and all the sudden had no idea where to put your hands. Do you leave them at your sides? That felt too stiff and soldier-like. But where else would they go? You were pretty sure every brain cell had left your body at that point, leaving you defenseless.

“You look nice.” Peter blurted, interrupting the awkward silence that had settled between you. Even he seemed surprised by his statement. You looked down and shrugged. You looked as nice as a lazy person who didn’t fully unpack their clothes could look. You had on a casual grey dress that was made of some sort of t-shirt material, and your hair was in a loose bun with a few curls framing your face. Peter took in your appearance with what looked like approval. Then you noticed Peters gaze falling to your feet.

“Converse with a dress.” He noted. “Bold move.”

You felt your personality re-enter your body, finally, and nodded.

“Oh yeah. You know me. Quirky and cool and not like other girls.” You joked as you clicked your heels together. “You look nice too. Very…Freddie Benson.”

Freddie Benson? Who the hell makes an ICarly reference to compliment someone? This night was going downhill fast and you regretted ever knocking on his door.

“Dude. You’re tanking.” Venom said in your ear, you had to agree. This couldn’t be going worse.

But lo and behold, Peters beautiful laugh filled your ears once again.

“That’s what I was going for!” He cheered. “My friend Ned always teases me for wearing sweaters and button downs but he just doesn’t have the vision.”

“Come in.” He suddenly stepped aside and gestured inward. “Dinners almost ready.”

Peters apartment looked just like yours, but much more homey. You saw his baby pictures on the wall, coupled with pictures of him and his parents through the years. You noticed a framed picture of a different couple on the coffee table. They resembled Peter but you didn’t see them in any photos with him past the age of around 7. There was a candle next to the frame, as well as a ceramic cross. You quickly looked away, not wanting to overstep.

“You must be Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you.” You heard a woman’s voice from behind you. You turned around and saw a woman in high pants and a yellow tank top, recognized her from the pictures with Peter.

“I am. It’s very nice to meet you too, Mrs. Parker.” You said politely and shook her hand.

“Please.” She shook your hand. “Call me May.”

“May.” You repeated with a smile.

You turned around and saw Peter pulling out a chair for you, so you sat down while May finished preparing dinner. You offered to help, being the polite ass bitch that you were, but May insisted that you were the guest. A plate of “meatloaf” was soon placed in front of you and Peter. The term “meatloaf” is used very loosely. It looked more like an old shriveled brain. Peter made eye contact with you and winked.

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” He whispered. He glanced at May, who was busy pouring the drinks, before leaning in closer and whispering, “it’s way worse.”

You playfully kicked Peter under the table and he giggled, quickly masking the sound with a drink of water.

“So, Y/N, where do you go to school?” May started the conversation. You took a bite of meatloaf, nearly died, and swallowed before answering.

“I’m actually taking a gap year before I start my junior year at Berkeley.” You told her. “And I work part time as a reporter.”

“That’s a very good school.” She complimented. “And I thought you looked familiar. I’ve seen your show on YouTube.”

“I haven’t.” Peter realized. “What’s it called?”

“The L/n Report.” You answered. “I started it my freshman year and it just kinda took off.”

“Oh. I’ve read some of yoru articles, but I haven’t seen the show.” Peter realized. “I can’t believe you do that. That’s really cool. You’re really cool.”

“Thank you.” You winked at him, not used to being praised for your work.

“Peter told me about your father.” May changed the subject. “I’m so sorry to hear that he passed. He left the apartment to you?”

“He did.” You nodded. “And it’s all right. We were estranged anyway.”

“It must be so different living alone in a city.” May sighed. “Did you dorm while at Berkeley?”

“No, I lived with my boyfriend.” You shook your head. Peter began choking on his water at the mention of a boyfriend and May shot him a look.

“Peter. Manners.” She said sternly.

“Boyfriend?” Was all he managed to say between coughs and sputters.

Oh great. Time for this conversation.

“Ex-boyfriend.” You corrected. “I got him demoted to traffic duty for two weeks and he wasn’t too happy about it.”

“He broke up with you over that?” Peter raised an eyebrow. “That’s gotta be the dumbest reason for a breakup I’ve ever heard.”

“May I ask how you got him demoted?” May wondered.

“Well, I’m an investigative reporter, and my ex, Andy, is a cop.” You began. “I looked at some classified files on his computer and used them against someone.”

“Carlton Drake, right?” She realized the story sounded familiar. “I read about that. Your exposé about him was everywhere.”

“Didn’t he die in his own rocket?” Peter asked you, fully invested in the story.

“Yea. I was there. Me and…my friend.” You caught yourself before almost mentioning Venom.

“Gosh I read that story forever ago.” May recalled. “It was all over the news here. I remember Peter ranting to me that this girl was straight out of high school and already taking down shady guys in San Francisco. You were obsessed with the article, remember Peter? I’m pretty sure you hung it up.”

Peter, you guessed it, turned bright red.

“I just thought you were cool. You know, taking down bad guys and all at such a young age. It really inspired me.” Peter explained. He suddenly looked panicked, like he said too much, and you wondered what it inspired him to do.

“Thank you Peter.” You smiled fondly. “How old are you anyway?”

“19. I’ll be 20 on August 10th.” He said proudly. “What about you?”

“He’s legal.” Venom whispered in your ear. You couldn’t even be mad at her, you were thinking the same thing.

“I’m 20.” You told him, and smile crept across his face.

“And this boyfriend, where is he now?” May asked. May wasn’t blind to what was happening between her nephew and this new neighbor and knew that’s what Peter was dying to ask.

“I would very much also like to know that.” Peter said, almost robotically. He leaned in closer and stared at you while he awaited the answer.

“He’s engaged, actually.” You said between sips of water, making Peter sigh in relief. “To a friend of mine. They’re getting married this summer.”

It was the first time you said those words out loud. You didn’t feel sad, like you thought you would. You didn’t really know how you felt. The smile that broke out on Peters face gave a clear indication on how he felt, though.

“That’s great. I mean, not great great. Great for him, I mean. It’s always good to move on. Wether it be with an old friend or a brand new one. Maybe it’s with someone you just met. You never know. Things just happen between the most random of people. Could be a stranger. Or, or, hear me out, it could be less of a stranger. Like a barista, or a mailman or a…a neighbor.” Peter stumbled over his words, the last part coming out very quietly. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out though. Between you and him, I mean. ”

“Thanks.” You shrugged. “It was tough at first but, I’m okay now. He wasn’t the one.”

“When you do find the one, you’ll know. I knew almost immediately that Ben was the one. I saw him and my heart said “that’s the one you’ve been looking for” and I believed it.” May sighed wistfully. You could see her eyes glistening behind her glasses and did something rather bold. You put your hand on top of hers and squeezed. She gave off this loving motherly vibe that you had only seen in movies but never felt for yourself. May gave you the warmest smile and squeezed your hand back.

“That’s lovely May. Although, I always thought when you met the one, your heart wouldn’t say that it’s been looking for that person. I always thought it would say ‘welcome home’, or something like that. You know? Like, you’ve always known them. I don’t know though. Maybe I’ve just seen The Princess Bride one too many times.” You shrugged.

“Ah. That’s a classic in this household.” May recalled. “Peter would refuse to go to bed without watching it.”

“Because it’s a cinematic masterpiece.” Peter sassed. “You’re trying to embarrass me by pointing out that even as a child I had impeccable taste? Oh please.”

You laughed at his remark, making May noticed the smile that broke out on Peters face when he succeeded in making their new neighbor laugh.

May looked at you for a while with a content smile on her face before saying, “Yeah. I suppose you do have good taste.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #peter parker imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Irresistible Danger - Part 60

Synopsis:  After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Words: 3,229

Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing

ID Masterlist can be found HERE

Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE

Author’s Note: We’re back! Omg y’all...I finally have a path to the ending for this fic! After this chapter, I’m planning for there to be 5 more chapters until the end, which will give ID a total of 65 chapters. I’m still working on writing and editing these last chapters, but I’m pretty confident in that timeline :D I also plan to post each Friday again, so there should be chapters now through September 10th, if all goes according to plan. 

PDA

You woke with a smile the next morning, partially because of the happiness filling your chest like a balloon. The other part was because the warm body behind you, accompanied by a rasp of beard on your shoulder and soft lips on your neck, signalled that you weren’t alone. 

The florid orange rays coming in the large windows told you that it was still early, the sun barely risen above the horizon. Turning over onto your other side to face Negan, you took in his tousled hair and heavy-lidded gaze. 

“Mornin’ doll,” he said, voice raspy with sleep. 

“Morning,” you whispered back, pressing a kiss to his irresistible mouth. “No crack-of-dawn meetings today?”

His lips quirked against yours. “Nope, thank fuck,” he murmured, before rolling atop you and spending a good portion of the morning taking you apart with pleasure, then putting you back together piece by piece with cuddles and toe-curling kisses. 

When he later glanced over at the clock and saw that it was almost 10am, he gave a groan and flopped onto his back with a forearm covering his eyes. “Much as I’d love to stay here all day, I gotta go with a couple Saviors to check out one of the nearby outposts. They reported some concerns about their fucking security measures, and also requested a few more men be stationed out there to help divvy up their shifts, so I wanna go see if there’s any fucking issues for myself.”

While you felt a tiny thrill that he was so willing to tell you this information, to let you know about his duties as leader, you also had a moment of worry about him possibly assigning more men out to work the outpost. “Is that the one you brought Simon in from a couple weeks ago?” 

Knowing exactly where your thoughts were headed, he said, “Don’t get your fucking panties in a bunch, doll. If the outpost needs more hands, I was planning to send a couple of my newer Saviors.”

Pleased at this response, you smiled and leaned in close so your mouth was hovering mere millimeters from his, before whispering, “I’m not wearing any panties to get in a bunch.” 

Before he could react, you rolled out of the bed and strode to the bathroom, putting a little extra swing to your hips. The growl and unmistakable rustling sound of sheets being thrown off was your only warning before Negan scooped you up into his arms and marched into the bathroom. 

An hour later and you were both sufficiently clean (after first getting extra dirty against the shower wall), and you saw Negan off from his rooms with a kiss and warning to be careful. He gave an arrogant smirk at that, which got him an eye roll and playful shake of your head as a response. 

You watched as he strode down the hall towards the staircase, shoulders encased in leather and his whistle echoing off the walls. While they’d never dare ask him about it, you couldn’t help but give a little smile at the thought of his men wondering why the hell their usually punctual leader was almost ten minutes late to leave for the outpost...and why he seemed so happy about it.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Unable to contain your excitement over the events of the night before, you headed over to Ben’s room not long after Negan left. Thankfully he was there, having just returned from finishing up serving breakfast. His roommate was out this time, so you were able to huddle across from one another on his bottom bunk and catch him up on your conversation with Negan.

Ben listened intently, mouth slowly falling further and further open as you went on. When you got to the part about Negan admitting he wanted only you, and called you his partner, Ben let out a whoop of joy and threw his arms around you in a hug. 

“I knew it!” he exclaimed. “That big lug is head over heels for you.” 

The two of you chatted happily for a bit, before you left and wandered back down to your own room. It had felt like forever since you had a chunk of time to just relax in your bed without over analyzing or stressing over something Negan-related. Gone was the weight of that padlocked box of questions, which made both your brain and subconscious very happy. The three of you snuggled up on the bed and spent the next couple of hours finishing your re-read of Harry Potter before it was time to head down to the kitchen for dinner prep. 

Today’s menu consisted of lasagna using leftover deer meat thawed from the freezer, with the signature side of rolls. Trixie had unofficially promoted herself as being in charge of roll duty, making sure the dough was the right consistency and the ovens at the perfect baking temperature. She wasn’t rude about it, but the little bit of authority she showed when instructing another staff member how to properly knead the dough seemed to fulfill her need to be seen as a knowledgeable and important part of the staff. And in all honesty, none of her feedback to the others was incorrect, so rather than reprimand her or say she was out of line, you had caught her eye at one point and given an almost imperceptible nod of approval. This caused her smile to beam so bright that it was a wonder you didn’t need sunglasses. 

As it turned out, you weren’t the only one who had noticed Trixie’s presence and been keeping a stealthy eye on her. Andrew, a member of the food prep crew, had been not-so-subtly following Trixie with his gaze lately, and today was no exception. He was an attractive man in his early 20s with shoulder-length black hair and kind brown eyes, a much more appropriate candidate for Trixie than her previous choice.

It seemed safe to say that Trixie was aware of the attention as well, as she found every reason possible to flounce past where Andrew was busy loading trays of lasagna into an oven. At one point, she even stopped to chat briefly with him, and out of the corner of your eye you saw her toss back her head and laugh at something he said. If it seemed a bit overly dramatic to you, well, Andrew didn’t seem to mind. In fact, her reaction caused him to fumble with the tray of pasta he was holding, almost spilling the entire thing onto the ground. He thankfully saved it at the last second, otherwise you would’ve had to interrupt and lecture the two of them about focusing on their work and not chit-chatting. And you didn’t want to do that, not when Trixie finally seemed interested in a guy more her age who was actually available and seemed to genuinely like her. 

Despite your initial tension with Trixie, you now realized that she had just been struggling to find where she fit in, to feel like an important part of the community. She’d initially been scooped up and led astray by Amber, but thankfully she had found her way back on the correct path and was making progress at getting along with the others, rather than isolating herself and using condescension as an emotional wall. Someone like Andrew, who was kind-hearted and considerate, not to mention absolutely captivated by her, was exactly what she needed. 

Focusing your attention away from young romance and back to meal prep, you spent the next forty-five minutes making sure everything was baked to perfection before sending out the first trays of lasagna and rolls. However, your mind kept randomly returning to Negan, almost unable to contain a secret smile each time you remembered where the two of you now stood. The usual worry and second-guessing had been replaced by the stability of knowing how he felt, and each time you remembered his words from last night a flutter of butterflies went off in your stomach. 

Negan had told you this morning that the outpost he and a small team of men were going to was less than an hour’s drive from the Sanctuary, so he planned to be back around dinnertime. Sure enough, about 20 minutes into when the first round of food was being served, you saw a small group of Saviors enter the cafeteria and settle down at a table. You guessed that they were the ones who had been out on the mini mission, and breathed a sigh of relief at seeing them back safely and with jovial expressions on their faces. You could always tell when things went wrong on a run, due to the overall aura of the men who returned, but this time they were smiling and talking animatedly with one another. Hopefully this also meant that Negan was in a happy, and perhaps affectionate, mood when you went to visit him later...

It was as if your thoughts had conjured the man himself. You were out in the cafeteria with a large water pitcher, making rounds to refill empty glasses for people, when a hush in conversation made you still and look up.

And there he was, standing at the entrance to the cafeteria with his signature leather jacket unzipped just enough so that the edge of a white tee peeked out over the top. He scanned over the tables like a king surveying his domain, looking both intimidating and absolutely delicious with the arrogant way he held himself, as if he had no cares in the world but was also ready to take on anything.

When his eyes landed on you, those sinful lips quirked upwards at the edges, and you swore that even from the distance of half a cafeteria you could see his golden gaze light up at the sight of you. He moved, striding with determination and purpose to close the space between your bodies. The breath caught in your chest at his beauty, at the raw masculinity and almost animal magnetism that surrounded him. 

He stopped mere inches away, and you gazed up at him in both welcome and a bit of confusion. Trying to act calm and unaffected, and not show how much you wanted to grin and launch yourself at him, you said, “Welcome back.” 

Your eyebrow cocked in question when he shook his head with a low chuckle. “Oh no, doll, that won’t do at all.” And with that, he wrapped an arm around your waist and lowered his head...

And kissed you in front of the entire Sanctuary. 

A wave of shock jolted through you, at the same time as your body automatically responded, molding itself to his. Your brain was flatlined on the floor from the unexpected move, while your subconscious ran around it in circles screaming with excitement. 

You could practically feel all the astonished stares from community members, as they watched their all-powerful leader break one of his cardinal rules and kiss you to within an inch of your life. And dear god, what a kiss it was! His lips were firm yet gentle, his tongue just barely tracing your bottom lip, as if he couldn’t help but steal a little taste. He wasn’t holding back, and the primal part of you recognized that he was publicly staking his claim for all to see. There could be no question after this moment that you were his, and that he wanted everyone to know it. 

When he finally pulled back, you could only look up at him with what must’ve been an utterly dazed expression, if his pleased smirk was anything to go by. Glancing to his left and then right, his brow furrowed and expression turned serious as he bellowed, “What the fuck are you all looking at?”

His words had the desired effect, as eyes dropped back to their plates and the community stuttered back to action, obviously trying and failing to act like something monumental didn’t just happen. You’d have given a lot of points to know what they were all thinking, but you didn’t see any angry expressionsand no one had said anything or acted out of line, so hopefully that was a good sign. 

Negan’s warm hand rubbed comfortingly up your bare arm, and it was then that you noticed he didn’t have his gloves on. That also sparked the realization that he wasn’t carrying Lucille, which was strange since he always had her on his person when making an appearance in front of the community. 

Now that you’re thinking about it, did he even have her this morning, when he left?

You thought back to when you had kissed him goodbye and watched as he walked down the hallway. Surely he’d have taken her with him to the outpost...but you honestly couldn’t remember seeing her up over his shoulder. You had to just be forgetting, because there was no way he’d leave her behind. 

That train of thought was brought to a halt when the hand on your arm trailed down along your waist and settled possessively on your hip. “I wanted to put in a request for one of your staff members to bring two servings of dinner to my room, for Simon and yours truly.” 

Before you could ask if he needed time alone once you were done with dinner, he provided the answer. “We need to go over the fucking outpost inspection results, but I’ll come and find you once it’s done.” It was the second time he’d done that today, answering a question before you had the chance to voice it out loud, which was a sign of how well he was coming to predict your thought process. 

You were still a bit in shock at all of this, especially how he was discussing his evening plan with you so publicly and audibly, as if to show that you were more than just his in a physical sense. He was broadcasting to the community that you were what he had already told you last night: his partner. His voice had been low enough that only the nearby tables would’ve heard, but you knew every moment of this interaction would be spread across the entire community within minutes after he left. 

Giving a smile and trying to look like ‘yep, this is completely normal, no big deal, I am totally not internally screaming with joy and wanting to climb his fine ass like a tree’, you replied, “Of course. I’ll have it sent up immediately.”

“Thanks, doll,” he said with a final smirk. Then his face morphed back into the intense, badass expression of the Sanctuary’s leader, and he strode out of the cafeteria. 

You were left standing there, still a bit shell-shocked by what had just occurred, but also giddy as hell over it. That emotional high was only slightly dimmed by the awareness that now, with Negan gone, you were the sole center of everyone’s attention. A quick scan of the cafeteria showed that most community members were trying not to openly stare. However, the lack of chewing and frequent side glances thrown your way as your legs finally unfroze and started back towards the kitchen were proof that they had all seen Negan’s display of affection. 

While the rest of the community might’ve at least been making a feeble attempt not to obviously stare, the same couldn’t be said of the kitchen staff. At least a couple of them must’ve witnessed what happened when serving trays of food, and those members must’ve scurried back to the kitchen to report it to the others. Every single one of them was staring in wide-eyed silence with a mixture of shock and fascinated curiosity when you walked back through the swinging doors. 

Even though your face felt heated and you were a bit off-kilter, you still managed to sound slightly firm when announcing, “Alright folks, back to work. And no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

You breathed a sigh of relief when they didn’t argue, but a couple of them did give knowing grins, Trixie included, though at least they all seemed good-natured about it. Trying to act as though your world hadn’t just been spun off its axis with that public kiss, you went over to Ben, who was the only one that had stayed fairly composed the entire time. In fact, his eyes danced with mirth and he was obviously trying to hold back a smirk, so you felt only minimally evil when telling him of Negan’s request that two servings of dinner be taken up to his rooms for him and Simon. Ben gave a playful glare when you told him to take up the food himself, saying it loud enough that some others heard, making him unable to say no without looking a bit suspect. 

When the tray was ready to go a few minutes later, you quietly murmured to Ben as he passed by on his way out of the kitchen, “Say hi to Simon for me.” The words caused a hint of pink to flare in his cheeks as he gave a halfhearted glare. You almost felt guilty for teasing him, but knew Ben would more than forgive you when Negan came through on his promise to get Simon his own room.  

Though the kitchen staff still threw glances your way here and there, they quickly fell back into their usual routine and no one made any direct comments. You were safe from scrutiny...at least for now. At least no one seemed to have any extreme concerns about what had happened, making you wonder how many of them had suspected what was going on between you and Negan before now.

Once dinner and cleanup were over, you headed back up to your room. Negan had said he would come find you when he was ready, so you planned to just lay back and relax until then. 

Oh, who were you kidding. After that kiss, you were totally going to sit on your bed and think about all the dirty things you wanted to do to him the moment the two of you were alone. 

Trying to convince yourself that you could be at least semi-productive and pretend to have a hobby other than fantasizing about the leader of the Sanctuary, you pulled the copy of Harry Potter off your bedside table. You were just opening to the first page, planning to restart it again from the beginning, when a firm knock sounded at your door. 

Pulse jumping with excitement, you rose from the bed and didn’t even hesitate to cross the room and reach for the doorknob. It never occurred to you that it might be anyone other than Negan, let alone for it to be the last person you’d have ever expected to see at your door. But things had been going so well today that it was almost as if fate was bored with your happiness and wanted to add some drama to the mix. 

Totally ignoring the warning prickle that ran up your spine, you opened the door with a welcome smile. It quickly died on your lips at the sight of who was standing on the other side, hands on hips and eyes throwing daggers your way. 

It was Amber...and she looked pissed.

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