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knickknacksandallthat · 11 months

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what did Jeremy say to the foxes and Wymack when he was guilt tripping them about not knowing how bad Kevin was doing? Neil said something about it in the second to last chapter

So my first thought was just to say it was something shamelessly guilt-inducing and brutally honest in the kindest way possible - you know, the Jeremy Knox way. But then I thought, nah. We can do better than that.

So here you go, anon. A little drabble I whipped up to give us that brief glimpse into the wonderful Jeremy Knox's mind.

Spoilers for the Dead of the Night fic under the cut. Read at your own risk!

Jeremy Knox is having a moment.

It’s a convoluted moment, punctuated by jet lag, confusion, antagonism, and noise, but it’s a moment, nonetheless.

Because at the core of all this chaos is Kevin.

Kevin, who’s bruised everywhere Jeremy looks. Kevin, who is now apparently living alone on an entirely different floor from the Foxes and didn’t tell them. Kevin, who no one has seen since last Tuesday.

Kevin, whose gaze is far away, his spine curved, and his eyes shadowed.

Kevin, whose proud spirit seems nearly broken.

Guilt, shock, and shame wrap tightly around Jeremy’s throat as he stands in the PSU dorm doorway and sees just how much his friend is hurting. He’s gutted by the realization that despite all their conversations, despite every single cry for help Kevin gave, none of them saw it. None of them saw how much he needed it – and that includes Jean and Jeremy.

The urge to rush forward and soothe, to make this better, to make this right, is nearly overwhelming. It’s only due to the escalating conversation in the hallway (with the very real threat of violence) that he isn’t in there already.

Because, unlike Jeremy, Jean holds nothing back. No, Jeremy watches with unabashed pride and immense satisfaction as Jean reams out the group of Foxes before him. His own anger is there, of course, simmering beneath the surface, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Jean’s passionate onslaught.

It had taken Jeremy months to get any kind of emotion to appear on the backliner’s face when he arrived at USC. To see him now in all his righteous glory, spewing vitriol in defense of his friend, is nearly music to his ears.

But although his boyfriend is 100% vindicated in his criticisms, Jeremy can tell this approach isn’t working. No, the Foxes rise to the challenge with snarling repartee, too used to having to defend themselves. Too used to always being the ones given the blame, whether they deserved it or not. It shifts the focus of the conversation away from Kevin and back to themselves, which isn’t the point.

The point is that Kevin is the one who was hurt. The point is that no one was able to recognize it. And while Jeremy will give Jean and himself a small pass for being over 3,000 miles away, his teammates have been here all along. They’ve seen Kevin every day.

The point is this never should have happened.

So, he’s almost relieved when Jean goes to Kevin, cutting the conversation off at its knees. Because it gives Jeremy an opening – and that slight pause is all he needs.

In the silence that follows the crisp sound of the door slamming shut, Jeremy takes a deep breath and releases it on a sigh.

Wymack takes the bait. “Knox? Got something to say?”

“Yeah, I guess I’m just…” He deliberately pauses, then continues, “…I guess I’m just disappointed.”

“Disappointed?” Aaron echoes. Then he bristles and says, “Like we give a fuck how you feel!”

Jeremy nods. “Yeah, no, I get it, but…if I’m disappointed, well…” He gives a disheartened shrug. “…I can only imagine how Kevin must feel right now.”

He’s pleased to see three sets of shoulders immediately rise.

“Um,” Cross, the new freshman goalie, wrings her hands in front of her.

Matt winces.

“What do you mean?” Nicky asks, face dropping.

“I don’t know,” Jeremy shrugs again, very coolly playing into the act. “It’s just with everything Kevin has said about you guys I guess I thought you were closer, is all.”

“Closer,” Aaron repeats again, clearly skeptical. “Meaning what?”

“Well, if you were closer, I would’ve thought you’d at least check in on him.”

This time he knows he hits a nerve. The glare Neil gives Jeremy could probably melt ice.

“We did check,” the redhead snaps. “Andrew and I did.”

“Oh really?” Jeremy asks. “When?”

The silence he gets in reply speaks volumes.

“Did he – was he like that when you two saw him?” Wymack asks now, doing some of Jeremy’s work for him.

Neil’s jaw clenches. “He didn’t let us inside.”

“And you just accepted that?” Nicky accuses. “Seriously? Both of you know how to pick locks!”

Andrew surprisingly speaks up. “He did not want us to come in, so we didn’t.”

“And since when do you do what people want?” Aaron snarls.

The heavy vibe that follows tells Jeremy that there’s some serious baggage between the twins. He brushes the weird power dynamics aside, though, getting the focus of the conversation back on Kevin before it can derail.

“But he said he was sick, so…surely, as Captain, you came back, right Neil? To check on him again? Kevin always says you take such great care of the team.”

Neil’s hand clenches into a fist at his side. “I told him to text us.”

“Ah,” Jeremy nods. “So, you probably thought that if not you, then perhaps he reached out to one of your teammates instead then, right? That makes sense. One of the Trojans always volunteers to check on any teammates who say they aren’t feeling well, just in case they need something.” He spins back toward Aaron. “Oh! Maybe you brought him something instead? Kevin said you’re studying to be a doctor.”

Aaron’s face pales before flushing red in anger. He casts his gaze to the side.

“No? What about any of you? Did anyone else think to see how he was doing?”

The other Foxes remain quiet.

Again, Jeremy heaves out a sigh. “Look, I was always so impressed with how this team seemed to rally around one another, despite all the hardships and tough backgrounds you came from. Kevin made it sound like you guys had almost become a family.” He pauses then continues, “But family doesn’t leave each other on their own when the going gets tough. Family sticks by each other, no matter how uncomfortable the situation gets.”

He looks over at Neil. “Kevin kept your secret and trained you every night, regardless of the fact that you both thought your time on the court was limited. He wants you to be Court someday and knows you’ll get there.”

He turns to Andrew. “He still believes in you, no matter how much you ignore him and purposefully set him off. He tells us all the time how he knows you’ll be one of the greatest goalies in the history of Exy.”

He turns back to Aaron. “Kevin stuck by you throughout the trial and never treated you differently, never shunned you or singled you out. He even made public declarations of your innocence to the media and how he was just waiting for them to give you an innocent verdict.”

He turns back to the rest of them. “My point is Kevin gives everything to this team. Whether you like it or not, you know it’s true. It’s what he’s been taught – to dedicate himself fully. It’s the only way he knows how to be. And however you guys react to that now has solidified the way he thinks he should be treated. Because now is so much better than how he was treated at the Nest that of course whatever you guys say must be true. Because he has nothing else to compare it with.”

He looks at the dorm door. “Kevin gives 1000% to his team because he cares.” He pauses, then turns back to face them. “I guess I hope that next time, he finds a team who cares about him just as much.”

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that follows. The Foxes stare back at him with faces that are sober, angry, and haunted. He can actually see Nicky's eyes watering, though he has yet to shed a tear.

After a few more seconds of this, Aaron huffs and marches away. Nicky follows him.

Slowly, with hunched shoulders and averted eyes, Matt and Robin follow.

Only Abby, Wymack, Neil, and Andrew remain, the latter two staring at Jeremy with an intensity that would be terrifying if he wasn’t still riding on the high of his anger.

Finally, Abby clears her throat. “Do you and Jean have somewhere to stay? You’re welcome to the guest room at my house if you need it.”

Jeremy shakes his head. “Thank you for the offer, but we booked a hotel room off-campus before we got here.”

“You’ll be staying then?” Wymack asks gruffly.

“We have a bye week.”

Wymack grunts in acknowledgment. “I’ll talk to Kevin’s professors. Explain the situation.”

“Thank you,” Jeremy nods. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.”

Wymack makes some kind of noise in the back of his throat that Jeremy assumes to be agreement.

He hesitates, wondering how far he should stick his nose into other people’s business before he thinks fuck it, and says, “And sir, you may be his Coach, but just remember you’re his father too. I don’t think you realize how much your words affect him.”

Wymack straightens his spine and looks Jeremy in the eye.

Jeremy stares calmly back.

Then Wymack nods. “Point taken, son.”

Jeremy dips his head in reply.

“But just you know, captain,” the coach continues, “The Foxes do care about Kevin. Our way of showing it might not be what you’re used to, but we do care.” He jerks his head toward the door. “This one’s on us. We won’t let it happen again.”

“You don’t have to tell me, sir,” Jeremy says solemnly. “But Kevin deserves to know.”

Wymack nods.

Jeremy pulls out his phone, but there’s no word from Jean. It seems like it may be a while still before he gets Kevin calmed down.

Jeremy bites his lip, then makes a decision. “I’m going shopping,” he announces. “To grab some things for Kevin.”

To his surprise, Neil immediately replies, “I’ll come with you.”

Jeremy looks at him.

“You don’t know what brands he’ll eat,” Neil says pointedly, eyes digging into Jeremy before he turns and starts walking down the hall.

Andrew immediately straightens and says, “I’m driving.” The look he gives Jeremy dares him to argue.

Jeremy bites his lip hard against a smile. “Sounds good.”

Then he follows the two deadliest Foxes down the hall and tries not to get too excited about going for his first spin in the infamous Maserati.

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