#seriously thinking about being hospitalized

[bengiyo]

Wandee Goodday Ep 2 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we finally got a show with Drake and his beautiful eyebrows and ears, and he's playing an ace character, Kao, who is struggling with dating! Our protagonist, Wandee, is a doctor at local hospital and has been crushing on another doctor for eight years. He finally confessed and got crushed before embarrassing himself. He decided to go out and hook up to prove he wasn't vanilla, and drunkenly followed his recent patient Yoryak, a boxer, and somehow succeeded. Thor is also here as Yoryak's brother, and is in a committed gay relationship. I'm having a good time.

Not this man interrupting sex for constant reassurance.

Appreciating the blue to remind us that these guys have dicks.

"Once is enough." I love this man. He's gonna be so embarrassing.

Golf knows what the people need: Thor's tiddies jiggling.

Cher out here a whole liar pretending like he don't like that man's sweat.

Kao has incredible energy. I love him.

I swore when I saw Ter.

He really tried to talk over Dee! I hate him!

That was such a gay snap holy shit.

Ter is horrible. Where are my knives?

Interesting. Cher talks like Yoryak hooks up regularly. Does he care about all of his partners like this?

It's Rain's kidnapper! Danger, Will Robinson! Please don't typecast this man!

Wow, they were already planning to sell porn of them date raping this man.

If this dude comes back later and kidnaps Wandee I will scream.

Watching with @yankeebastard and he complimented the way the show is approaching Yoryak's bisexuality, by showing that he has genuine regard for Taem as a whole person, and reflected on the mild chiding she gave him during his care for Wandee. He sincerely listens to her, and takes what she says seriously even when she isn't around.

I think Oyei's pressure is really well calibrated. It's not too much.

Obligatory Golf cameo at the queer cafe.

Getting emotional about grandmothers again.

David and I are so relieved that we recognized AJ correctly on the first try.

I think it was petty who already wrote about the way Yoryak respects people's boundaries. I love the way he asked if Wandee wanted to do it, and then left on his own when he remembered what Wandee said about hookups.

I'm going to ascend. We got good ground rules for their relationship, and I really love that Yoryak asserted that Wandee needs to use his name. On top of that, we finally have a presumed bottom being clear that he wants his dick played with too.

The lighting department is doing wonders with the contours of their bodies.

I love that Yoryak made it clear that he wants to kiss and it's coming up in their hookups.

Wow, another banger episode. This is definitely the kind of grown content I have wanted out of the genre for a long time. Thank you, Golf Tanwarin. I'm going to be thinking about Yoryak and wondering at what makes him so sensitive to his prospective lovers all week. Let me also state plainly that it feels so important that we acknowledged openly that guys who enjoy taking dick also like to have their dicks played with, too.

#Ben watches #wandee goodday #thai bl #bl series

[uneducated-author]

Okay, I DO NOT want this to come off as hate, because I love this show, have loved this show and will continue to love this show (I have no choice, I'm pack bonded) but... If I can bring up the way that the show feels... Off.

I don't want to say I dislike it, because I haven't really given it a fair chance, and I actually do really like a lot of the new episodes, and I would hate for anyone to see this and think that I have anything but huge amount of respect to the writers, actors and professionals working together, but I just wanted to know if anyone agreed, or is thinking along the same lines as me.

Meta Humour can work, and work really well. Fleabag's strongest storytelling point is the metaphor of a third wall break being her way of 'leaving' her real life, where we as the audience become her confidant, her trusted friend, her escape. Princess Bride has a meta humour that folds into the framing device. The Emperors New Groove uses it for comedy, and ties it to the medium, framing device and the tropes set up by virtue of the genre. Other shows can have throwaway lines with double meanings, one for the characters and one for the audience.

But Doctor Who Excelled in Commiting to the story. The suspension of disbelief, and the sheer illusion of this madman, hidden from us by our own inability to Notice, it was fun. It connected itself to our world with jokes about pop culture and throwaway lines about Merlin and Robin Hood and all these running jokes but...

Doctor Who proves that no matter how ridiculous the premise, a story can be great if you believe in the story you're telling. You can throw cat women in a hospital, have bad CGI mannequins clone a man, create bats that feed off time energy, but it doesn't matter, because if you and the actors are devoted to the world you're building, the audience will have no choice but to love it too.

Even Peter Capaldi has these scenes where he addresses us as an audience, lecturing us, but not only does it set up his career as a lecturer at a university, it has an in universe reason, where he explains that when he's unsure about how to get out of a bind, he retreats within his mind, pretends he's already escaped and he's bragging to Clara. The throwaway line 'I'm nothing without an audience' carries weight because... Well, he does need an audience. This is his own illusion, we're just sneaking a peak. This isn't the actor lifting the curtain a la Oz, this is us being brought into a characters mind.

Missy has a hilarious meta joke where she roleplays as the doctor and introduces the companions as 'Exposition' and 'Comic Relief'. It's targeted at fans, and clearly a shakedown of the tropes and- it works. Because this is a game to Missy, because she doesn't take this seriously, she's playing a role. It makes sense for This character in This context, and it doesn't break the illusion.

But the new series... There's just a plastic feeling to it. I almost feel like they're setting up a Wandavision bit where it's all a TV show. The joke about 'I thought that was Non Diagetic' was hilarious, and I loved it, but the winks and nods to the camera? The overexplanation and overexposition? 'Never seen a TARDIS before?' Lines said to the audience, basically dropping the wall between us. We are not watching the Doctors life, nor are we being brought into his mind. This isn't showing a characters view, or self aware commentary. It's a cheap laugh that doesn't land.

I don't want to hate the show, and I don't! But it's just... Loosing itself. Back when it was help together with duct tape and a prayer, they had to commit, to make up for the penny sets. Is it such a bad thing to miss that?

#doctor who #fourteenth doctor #doctor who spoilers

[autistic-katara]

there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)

#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse #yet it’s being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc they’re cops they don’t understand harm reduction but still) like #seriously everything’s so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under #the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? she’s just gonna trust u #less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it #for a minute she confirmed she isn’t suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism #like yes she is hurting herself but it’s a COPING MECHANISM. she’s coping with something. help her with that don’t just take away her penci #sharpers or whatever (which btw since she’s an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be #voluntary it isn’t gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they don’t want to like as ur friend u could’ve made it clear u care abt her #and wouldn’t judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk don’t just say “you have to talk to me” and casually threaten #hospitalisation when she isn’t ready in the moment like seriously if this wasn’t a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting #bcz given that this wasn’t even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right #oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags- #it’s not where the author’ll see it and know it’s about them i don’t feel bad abt it #this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so #cw self harm in tags #idk if i need to tag anything else for that 😭 #fanfic #ao3 #ryan shut the fuck up

[hamartia-grander]

I'm actually so sick and fucking tired of people who think covid is comparable to the flu. Just bc you or a family member got it and didn't die doesn't mean it's not super fucking serious and life threatening, ESPECIALLY for disabled people/people with health issues/autoimmune disorders. Every time my father sees me wearing a mask he rants about how covid is just like the flu and that everyone is over reacting and [insert shitty conspiracy theory here] and it makes me so upset every goddamn time. I got covid half a year ago, despite doing everything right, thanks to my parents' stupidity. I was sick for 13 days, entirely bedridden and feverish for 9 of those days. I physically couldn't get out of bed, not even to piss, the entire first day my mother had to half carry me everywhere. Same thing the second day, when she dragged me to the doctor where I tested positive. The first five days, I couldn't even look at an electronic device and had to keep the lights off all the time bc I'd actually vomit. I had a migraine that didn't go away no matter what medicine I took, for the entire the first week. My nose was constantly stuffy and my sinuses were so backed up I couldn't breathe through my nose, which made breathing in general so difficult and painful bc my asthma was also exacerbated. So my chest hurt too. All my normal chronic pain was magnified tenfold. I had a 103 fever for three days in a row, then it fluctuated between 98-100 the rest of the time. Thinking about it right now I still remember the pain and how it felt. I've had strep throat, a lot as a kid. I've had chicken pox, and the flu several times, because my parents never fucking vaccinated us. I have never been more sick in my goddamn life than I was with covid. And this is just me. Yes I'm disabled and yes I'm still being tested for possible autoimmune disorders (my mom and her whole side of the family have them) but even still I'm not nearly as at risk as a lot of people, and I was still more affected than anyone in my entire family, who have all also gotten covid because of their own stupidity. My taste and smell were never affected, but I'm still losing hair from it, which is apparently also a symptom I never knew about.

Wear. Your fucking. Masks. Covid is still around, it's still super fucking serious, it is NOT just like the flu, and you had fucking better take it seriously. Even if you don't care about getting it yourself, at least show some goddamn consideration for others whose health and lives are at risk.

#And despite how horribly sick I got my father literally doesn't believe me that I felt that bad #He actually thinks I faked it to make them take it more seriously. I always fake giving a shit about you dad I didn't fake covid #Covid #cw covid #coronavirus #Everytime I see someone not wearing a mask I get so angry and feel so fucking betrayed #Every maskless bitch who claims to be leftist or supportive of others or claims to care at all about other humans are fucking liars #If you can't even wear a harmless mask when you go in public how the fuck can you actually believe you care about others. #Note that I'm speaking from the perspective of an American tho. I understand there's places where covid doesn't even exist anymore #Or where there's no reported cases #But in America it's so fucking bad it's unbelievable #I couldn't even go to a hospital bc we were out of state when I got sick and no where took our insurance bc apparently being out of state #Voids your insurance or at least it did ours

[cozypups]

don't mind me, just listening to a brainrotting playlist of overstimulation breakcore beats because my brain has a need :)

#🐶 #hi all sorry for leaving randomly yet again #i haven't been doing well lately unfortunately and have been thinking of asking my psychiatrist to up my dose of prozac #because my depression has been getting more difficult to deal with #i know i throw around and always joke about how mentally ill i am but in 100% honesty it's in these moments which i'm reminded of actually #being mentally ill #even wondering if a psych hospital or something whatever they call them would take me in and if my insurance would cover it #or if i literally have to like.......... literally have to freak people out in order to have insurance pay for it lol #i'm not going to “freak” anyone out or anything obviously but like seriously i think there are some things i haven't told my family #just because of how bizarre and upsetting my thoughts and paranoia and everything could seem to an average person

[0809sysblings]

it is always a little funny to me when people try to make psychologists and psychiatrists out to be the only people ever capable of being able to accurately diagnose mental illnesses and disorders and that their word is law as a way to criticize self diagnosis when like. once i was hospitalized and the psychiatrist there who i had not even known for more than a day tried to diagnose me as bipolar despite me having No history of mania because he.. couldn't really understand why i acted the way i did i guess???

#milgran't #tw hospital #tw psych ward #i just randomly remembered this (i say randomly as if i dont know exactly why im thinking about this stuff). dont mind me #tbh i should make a tag for like. more personal posts. but. idk what to make the tag name.. #oh well #apologies for not being cool and collected and expressing things that show that im a human with emotions and needs recently #The Holidays are probably. one of the worst times of the year for me </3 #its not even seasonal depression or whatever its just Oh Jesus Oh Fuck Oh God (gets hit by 99999 trauma bullets) #that psychiatrist sucked SOOOO fucking bad btw #trying to prematurely diagnose me as bipolar was one of the tamest things he did during my stay #i hate him i genuinely hope he dies <3 #tbh i think he actually did. Break The Law with me. he probably couldve argued it was for the safety of others bc im crazy :3. but. #sometimes i just Remember That and im like. huh. hey what the fuck actually #but seriously. so many mental health professionals just make you sit there and go. .. how the FUCK did you get your license?????? #ive heard some of The Most ''oh only people who are completely ignorant about mental health say this!'' type of shit from professionals #idk why im the one being labelled as insane when they think saying some of that shit is okay and professional MFKDLSFMDSf

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks #one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so #anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many #im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also #more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but #the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless #so fun #im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna #relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment #so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did #with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager #hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back? #fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream #also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what #is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy #one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t #for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ #i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda #think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun #we'll see!

[quelsentiment]

.

#i've seen 3 doctors about the same issue in the past couple of months #and i keep thinking about their different ways of responding and how much of an impact it's had on me #and my mental health and my way of responding to that issue #and i just have to say it's pretty ironic that the 'specialist' was the one who had the most unsatisfying response #and the young doctor who was on call at the hospital on fucking christmas eve was actually the most empathetic and helpful one #and was basically the first medical practitioner in my life who saw my issues as actual chronic pain #and didn't make me feel like i was overreacting and being weak and whiny #maybe she'd been trained on ableism idk but i'm very grateful to her for taking me seriously #and offering actual fucking solutions to at least deal with my anxiety #in other news i have a job interview on wednesday :) just a 2 month contract but at this point i'll take anything

[voiceshearingyouloud]

I was feeling extremely suicidal today, like the worst I have in maybe four or five years now, and I was deliberating over whether I should go to the hospital like pretty much all day and now that I feel better I realise that the moment I started drafting my suicide note in my head was probably when I should’ve decided that 😭

#it’s so hard to think logically in the moment though; and I didn’t want to worry my dad or my partner #even though me killing myself would hurt them more obviously lol #I’m glad I feel better though #finally at like 5pm after doing all the chores and getting dressed and making meals and napping and going outside and exercising and calling #people and watching my favourite things #and none of it made even the slightest difference #(and I was drafting my suicide note) #I was like alright I need to do something about this because I’m gonna get exhausted and lose the fight pretty soon #which is always how my suicidality has been #I’ve never made a plan I’ve just come very very close to being worn down by the constant obsession and just giving in #which is hard to explain to ER nurses! #anyway. as soon as I decided that it instantly was like a cloud went away so that was weird as hell and I still don’t get it but at least I #don’t want to die as much anymore! #I’m seriously good now; like just normal sad and tired #but it does scare me that it took me so long to decide to go to the hospital #cause that was really cutting it close for a while there 😬 #I don’t trust myself to get it right the next time. but hopefully I’ll remember this and just go #anne speaks #now I’m just dying over how hilarious it was that I was literally drafting my suicide note and still was like hmm I wouldn’t want to worry #my partner so I don’t think it’s wise to go to the hospital. #like girl?? what??? #suicidality tw #tw suicidality #suicide mention #suicide tw #tw suicide #all the trigger tags cause this post is pretty graphic lol #but anyway I’m totally safe now #wouldn’t want anyone to worry if you’re the type to worry about this #:-)

[rosicheeks]

Been thinking about you hon, missed seeing you around. Glad to have you pop up in my feed again ❤️

#thank you so much for the kind message #idk how much I’ll be on right now tbh #I’m struggling a lot #I know I say that all the time #but it’s been bad like really really fucking bad lately #today has been especially bad because of my period and my emotions and hormones or whatever being all whack #might just be my period talking and how whack my brain is right now #but I’ve been seriously thinking about admitting (committing? idk the right word) myself to some sort of hospital #I don’t know where to go or look at…. I just want to go into some hospital and be like ‘hi I’m extremely mentally ill and I need help asap’ #but I don’t think it works like that #I would talk to my parents about it but I already know what they’re going to say #99.99999% sure they’re going to say something like ‘well have you been praying?’ #trust me i WISH praying would magically heal me but it doesn’t #anyway I was hanging out with a friend today and we watched a show and I barely even remember what it was about #the entire time I was thinking about how to get myself into inpatient or some sort of help #also freaking out that I’m almost 26 and then I’ll be off my parents insurance and feel like it’ll be 10x harder to do anything like that #I just don’t want to live like this anymore #everyone else is growing up and doing things with their lives and I’m just the same old depressed girl with nothing to show for my life #I’ve been surviving which is good don’t get me wrong #but when I die I don’t want to be like ‘wow what a good life I really survived well’ 👍 #anyway thinking about texting my sister and asking her to help me but I don’t want to be a burden or anything #lol forgot I’m probably going to get criticized for bitching in the tags so I should shut up #anyway I’m very very very unhappy #and I’m going to go eat some cereal now ✌️ #ask #anon

[britneyshakespeare]

i cannot stop thinking about henry vi part 2

#i havent rewatched it yet #i watched part one again (the bbc television production from 1983 directed by jane howell whomstve we STAN) #i havent watched a production of part 2 though... ever. not since i read it four years ago now #in which it was all in my head #AM I READY FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN TO THE DUCHESS OF GLOUCESTER THOUGH? AM I? #IM NOT SURE I AM #oooohohoh #shakespeare history plays are breaking my brain #i said i was gonna use july to detox before reading henry v but then i made a kanopy profile oops #margaret of anjou is gonna WHAT? she's gonna WHAT???!??!!? #SUFFOLK WHAT???!?!?!?!? #tales from diana #i also keep thinking about how. i initially had no interest in reading the english history plays whatsoever. lol #if it weren't for ned @sneez my dear friend being the number one henry vi fanboy inthe world... idk if id have read any of them by now #in truth i only started 1 henry vi bc of him. and i was a bit dismayed and daunted by the fact that it was one of 3 #about that king alone... and then to discover richard iii was the end of that tetralogy series. #but then like. i started that shit and i was like WHAATTT?!?!?!?!? #everyone told me shakespeares english histories are just elizabethan propagranda. no one told me that they're general hospital #seriously the medieval court drama is unmatched #i dont get a kick out of true crime like some ppl. for my real-life-intrigue fix i need deposed kings and lord protectors sorry #and several wars going on at once #the pacing in the histories are also nothing like the rest of shakespeare's works. i mean ppl make a joke about hamlet #how basically the whole play he does nothing but go insane and soliloquize until he dies #IT IS NOT LIKE THAT IN THE ENGLISH HISTORIES #PPL WILL BE BANISHED FROM THE REALM ON PUNISHMENT OF DEATH IN FUCKIN. ACT II OF V. SHIT'S CRAZY

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

#November 5th #november 5 2020 #the fifth of november #just a random ramble #November 5th 2020 is such an important day to me #it really is a holiday #but it does confuse me when I see people analyzing it primarily as a supernatural thing #instead of a ‘hysteria over an election reaches a breaking point when inane zero stakes fandom news comes out and we all latch onto it’thing #but yeah!! #this is my personal essay out of love for the holiday

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

One day in 2019, I had pain so bad I went to the ER.

My gut felt like there were red hot needles and knifes being stabbed into it. I felt nauseous. I felt faint. I very nearly threw up.

It was not the first time I felt this way but it was the worst I’d ever felt. I’d been getting increasingly bad pain for over a year and I had gone to countless doctors trying to determine what it was.

The doctors at the ER — thankfully — took me seriously. They determined I had a severely infected gallbladder and the only way to save my life was to have surgery to remove it.

I still had to give consent before the surgery.

I remember being terrified. I was alone. There was no one to help me. And somehow, even though the only course of action I could take was to consent to the surgery the fact that I had to before they could take action made it all the more terrifying. The consequences of the surgery would mean I would live, but I’d never quite be the same. I felt cheated by my own body. Why was it this way? Why couldn’t I be healthy? Functional? Why wasn’t my body working with me?

The nurses, doctors, and surgeons there were all incredibly kind to me.

One surgeon in particular — the one who ended up operating on me — said something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. “Your body is there to help you. Sometimes, when part of the body is no longer helping you, the best thing to do is cut it away. You’ll be so much happier after the surgery. You won’t be in pain anymore.”

I think about that a lot.

I think about it a lot when I see trans men begging for help to get top surgery and are met with resistance or well meaning but ignorant messages begging back to not “mutilate” their body.

I think about my surgeon, who was so kind to me and knew what to say when I was scared and crying and alone in my hospital bed.

Your body is there to help you.

Sometimes, when part of the body is no longer helping you, the best thing to do is cut it away.

You’ll be so much happier after the surgery.

You won’t be in pain anymore.

I hope you get your top surgery.

I hope you will be so much happier.

And I hope the pain will end.

#surgery #top surgery #trans men #gall bladder #gastroscopy #lgbt #queer

[soupcrouton]

Thinkin about it again

#vent post #but the vent's in the tags so yall dont even gotta see it ill prob delete later #anyways🚬 #i've been thinking about the hospital recently #like i remember driving over to a friend's house and passing it and being blindslided with a shitton of panicky memories #like i almost had a panic attack then and there in front of the railroad #im just. thinking. #its been (almost 5!) years and this has completely changed my life and im just. supposed to be okay with it #i think i AM okay with it #i just. dont want to be. i dont want this to be a part of my lfie and it just IS #and its fine. i guess. i manage #im just sick of either having to explain or getting questions i dont wanna answer #cus it just. it suvks to talk about. and its hard to convey the seriousness of hkw deeply its affected my life

[deadsetobsessions]

It’s been months since he’s settled into life at Wayne Manor. It’s hilarious that they don’t think he knows about their obvious nightlife (and that’s coming from someone whose hero name was just their last name spelled differently) but they don’t know anything about his own past as a vigilante. To be fair, a dimensionally displaced Ghost King wasn’t really on the board for reasonable guesses. Danny Fenton blinked innocently at Duke, blue eyes watery and oh-so-trusting of his adopted older brother when Duke claimed that his bruising came from getting caught in Ivy’s attack on the busses today.

(“Oh my god he’s so trusting and pure what the hell?” He heard Steph whisper to Dick, who nodded emphatically.)

“Oh man, you should get some rest. You guys are seriously unlucky, you know? Do you need to go to the hospital?” Danny asked Duke, his core trilling as he allowed himself to fuss over a member of his ‘fraid.

“Nah, man. I’m good. I think I’ll take a nap and sleep it off.”

“Okay. Oh, here!” Danny fumbled for his bag, grabbing his prescribed pain meds- for his chronic pain, but they don’t actually do anything for him since his ectoplasm burns away most of it- and handed it to Duke. “Take one, and only one. Those bruises look nasty.”

And then Danny gave him the puppy dog eyes and Duke folded, because Danny knew that he wasn’t supposed to hand his meds out but these situations were kind of the reason he claimed chronic pain to being with (even if it was true and his hands shook with aftershocks).

“Thanks, Danny. I feel like death warmed over.”

Danny laughed, the opportunity to mess with the family sparking in his head. “Yeah, I’ve died before. Wouldn’t recommend it.”

With that, Danny threw Duke an easy going smile and walked towards his room, bag on his back.

From his peripherals, Danny watched Jason drop his bowl of snacks, Dick’s pale face, and the concerned and shocked look of everyone else. Except Damian, who just kind of scowled thoughtfully. Tim looked like he was going to rip Danny apart like an interesting puzzle, Cass sat up straight (and he made sure every micro expression he caught on others stayed unconcerned on his own body), and Duke froze.

He snickered- well out of regular earshot- as whispers and whispered shouts rung out after he left the room.

He can’t wait to drop the “I know you’re vigilantes” bomb on them. It’ll be hilarious.

#danny phantom #dc x dp #tim drake #dick grayson #duke thomas #Danny is ghost king #Danny messes with the bat fam by trauma dumping #he’s like I’ll drop lore as a prank #but he actually got attached and is sharing trauma as a form of trust #bruce wayne #batman #batfam #those baby blues #Danny uses puppy dog eyes #it’s super effective #they think he’s the most normal #they’re (heh) dead wrong

[heritageposts]

Google-translated, posted October 8th

This piece Manoel wrote in 2020 should also be mandatory reading for all Western "leftists," especially now as the Western illusion of military invincibility is being shattered

[...] Another factor that is very common in the western left is to treat suffering and extreme poverty as elements of superiority. It is very common in Western leftist culture to support martyrs and suffering. Everyone today likes Salvador Allende. Why? Salvador Allende is a victim, a martyr. He was assassinated in Pinochet’s coup d’ etat.

And, on Western leftists support of Palestine (pre Al-Aqsa Flood — Manoel, writing in 2020, was clearly underestimating the military capabilities of the Gazan resistance)

Palestinians are a people who are deeply oppressed, in a situation of extreme poverty, that don’t have a national economy because they don’t have a national state. They don’t have an army or military or economic power. Therefore, Palestine is the total incarnation of the metaphor of David vs Goliath, except that this David doesn’t have a chance of beating Goliath in political and military conflict. Therefore, almost everyone in the international left likes Palestine. People become ecstatic looking at those images -- which I don’t think are very fantastic – of a child or teenager using a sling to launch a rock at a tank. Look, this is a clear example of heroism but it is also a symbol of barbarism. This is a people who do not have the capacity to defend themselves facing an imperialist colonial power that is armed to the teeth. They do not have an equal capacity of resistance, but this is romanticized. Western leftists like this situation of oppression, suffering and martyrdom.

If you're a Westerner, I think it's worth investigating to what extent this image Palestinians as 'defenseless' or 'defeated' (I've seen some of you talk about Palestine in the past tense) factors into your support of Palestine as it is now, under occupation.

Because there will be an after.

Everyone supported Viet Nam when it was under attack, being destroyed and bombed for over 30 years. Viet Nam beat Japan in WW2, then had to fight France, and then had to fight the United States. It passed 30 straight years without being able to build a damn school or hospital because a bomb would drop, first from France and then the United States, and destroy it. When the country was finally able to beat all of the colonial and neocolonial powers and have the opportunity to start planning, to build highways, electrical systems, schools and universities without having bombs land on them the next day and destroy everything that was being done, the country was abandoned by the majority of the left. It lost its charm, it lost its enchantment. There is a fetish for defeat in the western left. It is an idea that defeat is something majestic.

#palestine #israel #gaza #jones manoel #it's manoel hours again at heritageposts dot tumblr dot com