#signed a non-binary person with a uterus

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

In Quebec, the number of young trans people is increasing, and the lists waiting times for specialized clinics are getting longer. Eight months in Meraki, a year in Sainte-Justine.

"Do you have an appointment with that today?" "With Doctor [Retracted]..." "We'll open your file, if you don't mind. I have a little information, but I'm missing a little."

There is another option: private.

"You see here, there is a sexologist's office, and for $115, we offer a consultation. And at the end of the consultation, we can have a letter of recommendation for hormone therapy. It says it may take a session or two to get the letter. It's private.

We received a message from a mother, who told us that [her] daughter told her about that doctor."

This general practitioner sees the patient and prescribes, without referral from another healthcare professional. The clinic is private. It is the patient who pays.

This is where we took Sasha back, interpreted by a 14 year old actress.

"Sasha would prefer to go alone, is that correct?" "Yes, yes."

She will tell the doctor that she identifies as trans.

"So, I'll give you this. There is a pencil here. You can go through the document, initial it, or you must sign where you need and everything."

She must read and sign as seven-page form which describes the side effects, sometimes permanent, of testosterone before entering the doctor's office.

This is the first time this doctor has seen the patient. She quickly gets to the heart of the matter.

"You can tell me, a little deep down, since when you know you're not in the right body? Is it in childhood, is it more in puberty?"

Sasha reports that she doesn't like her body and that she was getting vomited at age 12.

"At one point, my mother grabbed me. She took me to see a psychologist. That's when they said I had an eating disorder. I told myself that it couldn't be eating disorders, it didn't make sense in my head. But at 13, I came across a video, of a trans person in fact, who talked about having eating disorders, but in fact it was because she was in the wrong body. At that moment, I really recognized myself in this person."

The doctor then asks if she has the support of [her] parents.

"Your family... did they understand a little of what's going on?" "Yes, they understood a little." "Do they know you're here today?" "Yeah."

Five minutes into the consultation, she addresses the question of surgeries.

"Are you considering surgeries in the future?" "Surgeries?" "Yeah." "Gender?" "Mastect. Mastectomy, removing the chest." "Yeah." "There are other surgeries that exist. We have a uterus, at the bottom with ovaries. So basically, it's possible to remove, it's something that can sometimes cause dysphoria."

Testosterone can make a woman infertile. The subject of fertility is the subject of a question.

"Is fertility, I understand that it is perhaps far away for you at 14, but is fertility something you want to maintain before you start?" "No. I always knew I didn't want children."

And finally, less than nine minutes into the consultation:

"Basically, the logic right now, I still prescribe hormones today in theory. Because the logic is that, basically there is nothing in your balance sheet that would stop me from giving you hormones basically. I'll start at one dose, it's not a mini-dose, like an intermediate dose between adults and..." "... non-binary, let's say." "No problem. The best is yet to come."

The consultation lasted less than 17 minutes. The side effects of testosterone do not have been addressed, which may seem surprising.

Confronted with this fact, the doctor told us that: "... a medical consultation cannot be evaluated in terms of duration, but rather in terms of quality of the exchange of information..."

#Canada #Quebec #medical corruption #medical malpractice #medical scandal #testosterone #cross sex hormones #wrong sex hormones #gender ideology #gender identity ideology #queer theory #intersectional feminism #gender affirming care #gender affirming healthcare #gender affirmation #religion is a mental illness

[theyanderespecialist]

Yandere Alto Clef Headcanons: Clef VS Period

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! I am back FINALLY With Some SCP headcanons, this one is Yandere Alto Clef X Non-Binary Listener On Their Period and how he comforts them! So let's do this Please enjoy this!] 

(Disclaimer: Yes, Reader/Listener is Non Binary! They were most likely AFAB if they were having a period, they still have their uterus but do not identify as female. This can happen and is normal. They are a person that has a period 

Disclaimer number 2: Alto Clef is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! Simping for fictional yanderes and characters is fine! Just do not be illegal or gross about it! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon!) 

-Yandere Period Problem Headcanons With Alto Clef X Non-Binary Reader- 

.He is a worry wart when you are on your period. 

.Though a part of him wants to breed you. 

.He does not do it cause he knows you would not be happy with him. 

.He hates to see you in pain so you know he is going to get you a hot water bottle for you and painkillers. 

.He also has a very sweet side with you when you are on your period. 

.Most women find him to be a creep but he is actually very wholesome with you and never forces you to do anything romantically or sexually. 

.He also cares about you because he is obsessed with you and wants to just love and be sweet with you. 

.He would get all your favorite foods and of course, he would still be a chaotic poo. 

.He is a liar to his core, so he would say how hard it is to take care of you when you are on your period. 

.That is what he would tell others. 

.To you, you are the only one he is honest with. 

.So he tells you that is perfectly happy to take care of you and to love on you~ 

.He loves to just lay on the couch with you, watch your favorite show, and give you a tummy massage. 

.He can also tell when your period is going to come. 

.All based on the amount of swelling in your chest. 

.Your chest area he knows very well no matter their size. 

.So he will be able to tell when your chest is showing signs of your period. 

.He DOES NOT LET ANYONE Misgender you, even when you are not around. 

.He does not care if you have a uterus and are AFAB, he sees you as his partner and the person you are. 

.So it does not matter what your biology says, and he will frick up anyone who says you are female, just because you have a uterus. 

.He has been known to kill the people who misgender you, because protecting you and making sure you feel the safest you are. 

.He will also be there to cry on his shoulder. 

.To make sure you can get all the frustration out of your monthly cycle. Especially if it makes you feel like you are not the person you are and not the Biological Sex you have. 

.He also would scare the researcher in charge of you to give you time off. 

.He still would work from his and your apartment. 

.Also he gets a ton of chocolate for you and leaves it in the bathroom with all the period products that you could ever want. 

.He is a no-nonsense yandere so you better shut up, sit down, eat your favorite foods, and rest your body. 

.Or he will tie you to the bed to do that. 

.Clef had said if he could beat the crap out of your period for hurting you and causing your emotional destress if he could. 

.He would fight your period if he could. 

.No one hurts his darling aka you, not even your period. 

.If he can get a hand on any scp to get rid of your period he would. 

.He does not care what the O5 council will say. 

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done! I hope you all enjoyed this and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

#yandere #yandere headcanons #scp foundation #reader #headcanons #yandere alto clef #yandere clef #yandere scp #scp #scp alto clef #yandere scp foundation #alto clef #alto clef x non binary reader #alto clef x reader #clef x reader #afab nonbinary #non binary #non binary reader

[defiantsuggestions]

For the record; abortion should be available to anyone with a uterus who is able to conceive.

Yes, terfs, anyone with a uterus, because not everyone with a uterus is a woman, some people with a uterus are men, and some are non-binary, so the correct term is not "women," it's "anyone with a uterus."

If you force people to have a child when they don't want to, or can't care for them, you are dooming a baby's entire life to needlessly struggle at best, and to be viciously abused at worse. You are not doing that baby a favor by forcing it into existence and leaving it in the hands of those who don't want it. Do you have any idea what it's like to be a toddler and to know that you were never wanted, and to believe you'll never be wanted because this is your entire world?

"Just give them up for adoption," you know adoption is not a guarantee, right? Some kids just wind up stuck in the system until they're kicked out at 18. Some get adopted just to wind up in an abusive family. If you can stomach it, and make sure you can because heads up it's an awful horrific case of abuse that lead to a child's death, look up the Candace Newmaker case.

Yes, there are wonderful adoptive families, don't get me wrong, but adoption isn't a fix-all to prevent abuse for an unwanted pregnancy, and also we already have so many kids looking for families in the system.

There are so few programs in place to protect children once they're born. There is so much child suffering and neglect because people think of kids as objects and not people. All this clamoring to protect a fetus's life but no one gives a shit once it's born.

I won't bother arguing whether it's alive or not, forced-birthers won't change their minds. I will however argue that a fetus is too small and undeveloped to feel pain. They can't be sad, they can't feel unwanted, they aren't far enough along to be capable of suffering.

In contrast to, you know, a baby, which absolutely can suffer from abuse and neglect and feeling unwanted. Because a baby is helpless to it's caregivers and maybe we shouldn't be forcing people who do not want the job into it. Because you do not want the person in charge of caring for a baby to hate and resent that baby's existance.

Also people need to be in control of their own bodies. A corpse who never signed up to be an organ donor is not used for organ donation, even if their organs would save another's life, which at this point puts a corpse as having more control over their own body than a pregnant person has.

No one can be forced to donate blood or plasma, and both of these things are significantly less traumatic than pregnancy. No one should be forced to give birth.

#defiant suggestion #tw: child abuse #tw: child death

[maggie-writes]

Surprise!!! I am hosting a workshop! Ahhhh what!

I am so excited and cannot wait to see you there!!!!

ID1:

A burgundy background with a pink uterus that looks rather beat up. The text says “A Creative Writing Workshop about Period Pain Sign up £/$/€ 15 - Saturday 25th March 4 PM GMT 12 PM EDT”

ID2:

A burgundy background with various period clip art like pads, a calendar, BC pills, etc. The text reads “Agenda: 1 hr 30 min workshop - Introductions: Introduce yourself over video, voice, or chat - Inspiration: We’ll read/watch/listen to material inspired by period pain - Discussion: Then we’ll talk about it - Prompts: We will use prompts to… - Write! Poetry, prose, a diary entry, we will all mute our microphones and let the creative energy flow! No pressure to have a finished piece or a perfect draft, just enjoy yourself! - Optional performance: You can perform or share your piece!”

ID3: Burgundy background. Oval pictures of two people. One is Blossom, a white woman with long brown hair. The other is Maggie, a non-binary person with brown buns. The text reads: “Your hosts: Blossom. Blossom is a disabled writer and artist. Outside of Poetry Orchard, she runs @TeaWithHB an online community for everyone who dreams of a better world! Visit TeawithHB.com and support her Patreon! Maggie. Author, poet, and writing coach, Maggie is also an advocate for the chronic pain community. Find them on Instagram and TikTok @maggie.writes. You can buy their books everywhere books are sold!”

[intersex-support]

I was afab but lately I've been wondering if I might have a slight intersex variation and I'm not sure how to find out if I do. It's not currently causing me any major problems so I doubt healthcare would be willing to test.

It's been less than a year since I realised I'm non binary and there's been signs throughout my whole life. To my surprise I also learned that my long ring fingers could be an indication of high testosterone when I was in the womb, but I'm not sure how definite the science is on that.

I've never been pregnant yet, so I'm not sure if I have fertility issues. I do get regular periods, but I've had weird experiences when it comes to mucus flow and insertion of copper IUD (excruciating pain which concerned the doctor because it lasted almost 24 hours), so now I'm getting paranoid that maybe my uterus is a different shape or something. On the other hand, this could all be in my head because of my ongoing gender identity process. Any advice?

So first, I think it would benefit you to look into vaginismus/pelvic floor dysfunction, tilted uterus, and endometriosis. All of these things could contribute to having difficulty with pain related to your IUD experience. There are multiple reasons why someones uterus might vary in shape (this is not an extensive list of why you might have experienced it the way you did).

These are all things you can have while being intersex though, and because you mentioned high testosterone I would look into NCAH and PCOS if I were you, those should both be easily searchable things on this blog, and we can send more specific recommendations if you find you have more questions.

I wouldn’t chalk this up to just being in your head because of your gender, to me it sounds like you deserve some answers and would like to know why whether or not you are intersex. It is a good thing that you are looking into your own well-being.

I hope this helps! There's a good amount of community support online that I've seen for all the things I mentioned in the first paragraph, I personally find it helpful to look at those and read on others experiences when I can.

#mod stev #ask to tag

[onlyonewoman]

I loved the first 3 seasons of L Word (2004-2006) and I cannot stress enough how important a show that was for non-straight girls/women and binaries at the time. My favourite character was Max, who was named Moira before he tranisioned to become his full self and while I loved the very non-binary looking Moira, it was just the best thing when he finally got to be called by his chosen name and becamed more and more comfortable with himself. I know there are a lot of people who assume we didn't see the transphobia displayed by several characters in this show because it's almost 20 years old now, but let me assure you, as a non-binary person who not yet had a word for it, watching Kit calling Max's female body "the most precious thing in the world" and comparing the transitioning to changing her skin color, I wanted to vomit and from that scene I couldn't stand Kit. There was a lot of transphobia shown in this show, but that's not a reason to not watch it - on the contrary, it's a vital piece of trans story telling history from a time when the common knowledge and understanding about trans people weren't that big even in lgbt circles. The L Word series doesn't take the terfs or other bigots or simply misinformed peoples' side at all, but it is damn blunt and maybe also a more honest picture of the shit trans men often had to take among lesbians. In this clip, Kit, who's a straight woman - and proud ally - cannot fathom the idea of someone born with a female body, not feeling at home in it. To her, Max's gender dysphoria can be cured by embracing a butchy style and see the uterus as a sign of strenght and stuff. She just can't comprehend Max literally seeing his female bodyparts as intruders, blocking him from seeing his true self in the mirror. Kit thinks it can be compared with skin color, which gender dysphoria absolutely cannot and I was fucking HOWLING at the screen in this scene and couldn't stand Kit afterwards. And yes, this was a long time ago in Internet years, but Max was my favourite character and no fucking wonder then "Daniella" Sea turned out to be a Daniel and the journey they made is incredible.

#the l word #max sweeney #2004-2006 #transgender #trans actor #things have gotten better #trans men are men #Youtube

[journalofsorts2]

i want to write down all the procedures i want when im old enough and im choosing here, enjoy my personal transgender checklist:

-top surgery, first and foremost. even before i knew i was trans and just thought i was non binary, i wanted my boobs off. i hate having boobs so much oh my god, the day they're gone i will be so happy. (also i lowkey love how the scars look on other people, it's like a sign like "look how much happier i am now!" idk)

-testosterone, duh. this ones another easy one but i haven't known that i wanted it for as long as top surgery. i want to be a man on the inside too. i want all the little things that come with being a man, and testosterone is the way to get those things

-a hysterectomy. this one's also a no brainer. i haven't figured out if i want bottom surgery yet (and i've got A LOT of time to worry about it), but if i were to get it this would be a requirement anyways, but i want to be done with periods and every other little thing that comes with having a uterus. i don't want it, i want it out of my body. and this was already a want when i hadn't figured out i was trans, but i didn't realize it was an option.

-phalloplasty, specifically rff. ik this one changes as people progress in their transition journey and so i wouldn't want to get bottom surgery until the above are already met, but if i were to get bottom surgery, right now rff phalloplasty seems to be the most appealing option. i wouldn't want metoidioplasty because i would want a regular sized penis, just me personally it wouldn't satisfy me. i would want specifically rff instead of alt because of many reasons. first, i'd be happier with the scar placement, an arm scar would be easier for me to deal with than a thigh scar, even if its harder to hide. second, an arm wound would be easier to deal with recovery wise, like it'd be easier to deal with, and i've had to deal with below the waist injury and maintenance after surgery before and it's not pleasant. third, rff usually produces smaller lengths than alt and tbh i want a more average sized penis, i get why other people would want a longer one, but personally i wouldn't. i've put a lot of thought into bottom surgery even though i'm not entirely sure i want it lol.

idk that's all the medical stuff i've considered with transitioning, and obviously i have a lot of time until i can actually do anything cause my insurance doesn't cover gender affirming treatment until you're 18 which is stinky but whatever, gives me more time to consider these things i've been considering for years already. my birthday present to myself when i turn 18 is going to be top surgery. the second i turn 18 i'm going to start looking at surgeons and pricing things out. and if i'm lucky maybe my dad will pay for part of it so i can get it sooner, instead of having to save as much. and then once i have my boobs gone im going to look at starting testosterone. or maybe i'll do it before top surgery idk, only time will tell. but this has been a long enough post already

#journalofsorts rants

[unauthorizedobject]

hey sorry I just don’t understand… how do you know you have a uterus? Couldn’t we all be potentially intersex or just variant (sex is very mutable and ultimately unreal in humans) and not know it? /gen

Hi thank you for your question. I was born with the sex female but I am non binary so I do not identify as a woman, so I use the term uterus having person. As for knowing I have a uterus, I have pcos so I’ve had a lot of imaging done of my reproductive organs and can confirm I got all the proper equipment. Yes people can go most of their life without knowing they are intersex but there’s typically a few signs such as delayed puberty or having trouble conceiving. I’m not sure if there are intersex individuals who didn’t have any signs but I’m a healthcare student and this is what I’ve been taught. Hopefully this helps but feel free to ask me more questions.

#pcos #non-binary #intersex

[incrackandwhite]

It’s always horrifying how the amount of pro-lifers will go “so just put the baby up for adoption after it’s born”. Do you guys think that the adoption and foster care system is this magical utopia where every baby is adopted into a nice, caring family and grows up amidst love and joy? Do you guys even know how foster care works??? 

Children in foster care are four times more likely to be sexually abused than peers raised with their biological families, and children in group homes are 28 more times more likely to be abused. An Oregon and Washington study reported that one-third of foster children reported abuse by a foster parent or another adult in the foster home. In New Jersey foster homes, no assurances can be given that a foster home is safe. 

More than half the child sex trafficking victims recovered through FBI raids throughout the US in 2013 were from group homes or foster care.

A report completed by the New Jersey Office of Child Advocacy included a study that demonstrated the relationship of the perpetrator of abuse to the victim. Of the child cases studied, 36.5% were foster parents. 

The Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS) reported that in 2017, more than 669,00 minors were served in the US foster care system. Many states have been found guilty of failing to protect foster children in their care, specifically by failing to respond to allegations of sexual abuse and have paid out huge cash settlements to victims.

According to Travis Hirschi, the author of “Causes of Delinquency”, 30 to 40% of of foster children have been arrested since they exited foster care. Over 1/4th have spent a night in jail and over 15% have been convicted of a crime. Almost 20% of young prison inmates spent their youth in foster care. 44% of children who stayed in foster care were arrested at least once. 

Children aging out of the foster care system are at increased risk of engaging in delinquency and crime.

This isn’t limited to Hirschi. Fanshel et al (1989), Steinhauer (1991), Keck (1995), Lloyd (1998), Desai et al (2000), Haapasalo (2000), and Freedman et al (2000) have all proven that a foster care background is correlated to adult crime and violence. 

Face it, if this was actually about saving the children, pro-lifers would be advocating for safer foster care homes, for the government to put in more money to the foster care and adoption system, for sex education, for easy and free access to contraception, for more functional schools in impoverished areas. 

Pro-lifers don’t give a damn what happens to a baby after it’s out of the uterus. They just want to protect some unborn foetus and not the child the foetus will grow up to be. 

Children are not asking to be born. They are not screaming “don’t abort me” from the uterus. Children DESERVE to grow up in a loving household. They DESERVE to have loving caretakers. And everyone should have the ability to choose an abortion over signing their child up for ANYTHING less than all the love they have to give them. 

This is not about a foetus. This is about the child the foetus will grow up into. This is about the pregnant person who doesn’t feel ready to take care of a baby. 

Women (and trans and non-binary people who happen to have uteruses) are not womb renters. Children are not lifestyle accessories you can pass along like a bracelet. And it’s time y’all learned that. 

#roe v wade #pro choice #pro life #abortion is healthcare #having access to safe abortions is a necessity #pro-lifers dni #i will delete your replies and block you #do not try me

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hello! Thank you very much for your answers on the gender identity/soul asks, I found them very thought-provoking. They made me think about my own gender identity. I have no one in real life to ask (where I live is not very tolerant of topics like this), so I am hoping you might be comfortable to share more.

I have been casually wondering if I am genderfluid for some time now — I say casually because I wonder about it when I see posts mentioning it, but also haven’t minded enough to think or do more about it until now.

now, on the other hand, when i asked "would you still know that you're a woman?" you might have thought, "wait... would i?"

O.O This was exactly what I thought when I read your post and it is what made me pause to think for a long time. But also I don’t know if that means I am genderfluid or non-binary. What made me start questioning in the first place was reading about the powers of a Metamorphmagus in the Harry Potter books — a person with the “ability to change their physical appearance through sheer will alone” — and I thought...well that would be a really nice power to have because I could look masculine or feminine or however I want, whenever I feel like it.

Is that a common thought that genderfluid or non-binary people have? Is that how people know what gender identity they are? Even if I disregard my family’s views or where I live, I don’t feel like I would “care” enough to want to come out or present myself any differently, so I am not sure if this is just a common random thought to have, or if it is something that only people who identify as genderfluid or non-binary (or other similar labels) feel. Also I am not sure if these are disrespectful thoughts to have because gender shouldn’t be about physical body parts? If so, I am really sorry and I don’t mean to disrespect anyone, I am just really not sure what to think and whether I am supposed to figure out my gender identity more clearly.

Thank you very much in advance and again I am really sorry if I am being rude, I am trying to use the correct terms for gender/sex/identity but may have mixed some up, please forgive me and correct me if you are willing to 🙏

hello, dear! first off, you're not being rude or disrespectful or anything, don't worry about it. gender isn't defined by body parts (a girl isn't a girl because she has a vagina), but it's absolutely tied to body parts (lots of trans men want to have a penis because it would make them feel masculine).

so it would be transphobic to say something like "you can't be a man, because you don't have a penis" but it's not transphobic for a trans person to say "i wish i had a penis so i felt more like a man." there's a big difference between dictating someone else's body and gender and having particular feelings about your own and what you wish it had or looked like.

whatever you want for YOUR body isn't disrespectful or bigoted as long as you don't try to impose the same standards on anyone else. you're allowed to feel however you feel about your own body.

there's a really insightful post somewhere on tumblr that says "the biggest sign of being a girl is wanting to be a girl." generally speaking, most cis people don't think to themselves, "i wish i was [other gender]." like, lots of women who deal with oppression might say they wish they were men, but usually what they want is just to have equal rights, not to be men.

so if you want to be genderfluid, that's definitely a good sign that you are genderfluid. there isn't a specific test or checklist, it's really more about what makes you happy and the most 'you' that you can be. do you think that being able to change between male and female at will would make you happy? that says a lot, in my opinion.

i'm already pretty androgynous in my appearance, but if i could change my body at will, i wouldn't hesitate to get rid of my breasts and uterus. i feel no connection to them at all, and they just cause me discomfort. i would like to appear simply neutral, because i don't feel like i'm a man or a woman, i'm just a person.

i know this is a lot to think about and it's probably overwhelming and scary, especially in an unaccepting culture, but it's important to remember that you don't have to do anything to be valid in your identity. if you realize you're genderfluid, that doesn't mean you must regularly change your dress between male or female or else you're fake. it's about who you are, not what actions you take.

even if you're not able to explore this the way you'd like to, i think it can bring a lot of good things to your life just to know who you are and know that it's a lovely thing, not something wrong with you. who you are is okay, not bad or sick. there's a whole community of people who completely understand and accept you exactly as you are, as well as how you want to be.

so don't stress about it too much, just keep thinking about it and see what you figure out. if you'd like some more reading, try the 'gender' section of my resources masterpost. take care!

#nonbinary #anonymous #ask

[coochiequeens]

IT — Bologna. The headquarters of an organization of lesbians in Bologna, Italy was defaced with hateful graffiti by transgender activists, the women are reporting. On 11 May 2021, “the outside of the headquarters of ‘La Comune’ in Bologna, where a lesbian association called ArciLesbica is hosted, was vandalized with the word ‘ArciStronze‘ (in English it equates to arch-bitches) and the name of the association crossed out with black paint,” an Italian radical feminist told Women Are Human yesterday. The sexist slur was scrawled on a shutter, and its black lettering then traced over in red. The vandals left their signature, rabbia trans, on the stairs below the shutter. “Those responsible signed themselves ‘trans anger,’ so we believe there are trans activists behind this act of vandalism,” the feminist explained.

Cristina Gramolini, president of ArciLesbica, said she believes the vulgar graffiti was retaliation against the organization for not being in full alignment with the “Zan bill.”

A bill proposed by Alessandro Zan, an openly gay lawmaker of Italy’s centre-left Democratic party, seeks to add hate crimes and hate speech targeting a person based on sex, sexual orientation and gender identity to existing law giving harsher penalties for discrimination, violence or incitement to violence targeting those of a race or religion.

“ArciLesbica supports the law against homotransphobia but with a request for amendments,” Gramolini said.

Several prominent Italian feminists, including Francesca Izzo, a former member of Parliament with the Democratic Party, have criticized the Zan bill’s use of the phrase “gender identity.” They say the term serves to include males who identify as women in the definition of women, having the effect of not only undermining the sex-based protections of the bill, but rolling back women’s decades of progress against sex discrimination.

A letter signed by 13 well-known Italian feminists provided international examples of harm caused to women by gender identity laws, referencing the circumstances of Maya Forstater of the UK, who lost her job for stating that sex differences are biological; JK Rowling of the UK, author of the Harry Potter book series, who received death threats for tweeting that Forstater had done no wrong; women losing political parity due to such male individuals as Lily Madigan of the UK who, by expressing a female or non-binary identity, have taken political seats set aside for women; and female estheticians in Canada who were trained and specialized in providing services only to women having been made subject to legal complaints by one Jessica Yaniv after the estheticians refused to wax Yaniv’s intact male genitalia.

Gramolini expressed disappointment over the vandalism, not only for the sake of the organization, but for the significance of what it suggests the LGBT community is fast becoming.

“None of this is part of the genuine LGBT culture, made of sharp irony, lightness, intelligent desecration: no one has the right to deviate from the trans agenda of gender self-certification, nor from the gay one of the uterus for rent [surrogacy]. Women especially are respected only if they approve it. It saddens us to witness the penetration into the lgbt community of increasing forms of intimidation. […] Physically threatening women is the stuff of other political shores, a phenomenon not easy to interpret is before our eyes. “

ArciLesbica shared news of the vandalism to its Facebook page. Intermingled with expressions of sympathy, solidarity and support for the lesbian association was condemnation for the vandals.

A woman called it “shameful and patriarchal violence worthy of the worst bullies and of the worst criminality towards a women’s movement that has fought for their rights and for those of all and everyone for decades.” She praised ArciLesbica for decades of standing for “all lesbians,” helping “indigenous Italian […], second-generation […] and immigrant lesbians, including refugees and asylum seekers,” feel at “home” and inspired.

Another concerned woman remarked, “It is inconceivable that we can no longer even discuss civilly and propose changes to the Zan [bill]. I too feel the air of unprecedented forms of patriarchy and antagonistic pollution of the movement.”

One woman implied that the tide is heading somewhere more extreme: “They want to impose a cultural and political dictatorship.”

A man held a similar perspective. “These people who call themselves on the left, by adopting these behaviors, automatically place themselves among the fascists!”

One commenter, Alessio Cinelli, expressed empathy for the vandals, slamming the lesbian association as an “aggregate of TERF” that “clearly does not welcome trans women (even after transitioning) and actively fights against their protection, probably also resulting in verbal or physical violence (things that happened to friends).” (‘TERF’ is a slur used by gender identity advocates against women who acknowledge that a human’s sex is an immutable trait determined by biology; the slur’s use often accompanies threats of physical or sexual violence.) After inexplicably blaming women for violence between two male groups, Cinelli insisted that anyone who does not “consider trans women as women” is “for a fact […] a transphobe.”

La Commune expressed solidarity with ArciLesbica. “Unbelievable. A historic feminist association such as ArciLesbica, which defends the right of women to love other women, is insulted. The episode that took place in Bologna (the national association is hosted at our headquarters in La Comune) is added to the many that occurred in other countries, especially in Great Britain and France, against writers, journalists, proponents of radical feminism.”

CGIL Bologna, a metropolitan labor union, issued a strong statement in support of ArciLesbica:

”Upon learning of the cowardly attack on the headquarters of Arcilesbica, we express our solidarity and closeness to the comrades. Similar episodes, unfortunately increasingly frequent not only in Italy, with the aim of intimidating or hitting those who defend positions in defense of women or civil rights, are part of those forms of hatred that we will continue to denounce.

Attacks on women’s rights and freedoms are always symptomatic of the compression of democratic rules taking place in a country that unfortunately, often anticipate initiatives in different fields and further pressure on human and civil rights. It is clear the will of conservative forces to seek, in the attack on women’s rights, the glue privileged to unify conservative strategies that conflict with the principles of equality and anti-discrimination founding principles of the European Union.

Those who want to silence and intimidate those who work daily to defend or win rights will always find the condemnation of our organization. “

#Italy #TRAs vandalize space for lesbians

[pbscore]

When are cis women gonna stop assuming that when trans women and nb people point out how cis-centered they are being about ‘womanhood’ and gender-based oppression, it’s an all out attack on them and their personality??

Like, just because you aren’t a trans woman doesn’t mean you can’t use your common sense to boost trans women’s voices on the shit they go through as a sign of solidarity. That’s not taking ANYTHING away from you as a cis woman, it’s showing that you’re a decent human being who is capable of realizing that ALL types of women have their own specific problems within our society and it’s important to listen to all of them.

Just because a non-binary/trans masc person points out how cis-centered the battle for reproductive rights is, doesn’t mean that you A CIS WOMAN, have no voice in the matter. Y’all literally have THE LOUDEST voices on the matter and all nb/trans masc people have asked of y’all is to be more inclusive with your movement because not everyone with a vagina/uterus is a woman.

Again, COMMON SENSE should tell y’all to boost the voices of other people who are equally effected by the ridiculous societal pressures/laws on their bodies. It shows solidarity from your end and a basic understanding that having more allies band together for an important or common purpose is a good thing.

If you’re gonna call yourself an intersectional feminist then BE one. It requires different levels of self-reflection and respect for other people who have had very different experiences from you in their life.

It doesn’t take away from you and your story when you choose to share other people’s stories, as well.

#feminism #intersectional feminism #trans women #trans #nb #nonbinary #enby #reproductive rights #reprorights #feminist #social justice #queer #queer rights #ghiblibutch #cis ppl #cis women #trans ppl

[apolesen]

Cardassian Reproductive Anatomy

I decided to do something with all my ideas about what Cardassian genitalia looked like, and here we are. Below the cut are some anatomical sketches (of the kind you get in text-books, so they are mostly SFW, but it depends on where you work, I suppose) and a description of my take on the Cardassian reproductive systems. 

Content warnings: anatomical sketches, anatomical descriptions, mentions of menstruation and pregnancy. 

As this is about reproductive anatomy in broad terms, I have used the terms ‘male’ and ‘female’ in an essentialist way. This is mainly to be as clear as possible. I think that we should move away from referring to, for instance, “external female genitalia” when we could just say “vulva”. However, when you discuss an alien species where writer and reader don’t have any common frame of reference, that can get very confusing. There are definitely Cardassians who are intersex, trans and non-binary, so what is described below are broad generalisations describing cis Cardassians. 

Cardassian male and female external genitalia are fairly similar to one another. Both have a cloaca (in Cardassian, ajan), which the urethra and anus lead into. This means that Cardassian men and women urinate in the same way, and they find the human organisation very confusing. The reproductive organs are mostly internal, which makes it harder to tell at a glance what you are dealing with. It is very difficult to tell the sex of newly-hatched Cardassians, as their external genitalia will look basically the same. In adults, the only real difference is that in males, the tip of the penis usually sticks out of the cloaca, most often no more than one or two centimetres (5/8ths-4/5ths of an inch). Both males and females have a chuva, sometimes called (though never by Cardassians) as the groin spoon. The evolutionary reason for the chuva is to catch water and lead it over the outside of the genitalia when the Cardassian is lying on their back. From the point of the chuva, two thin scale-ridges run, one on each side of the cloaca’s opening. 

Cardassians are oviparous, meaning they lay eggs, so the internal reproductive organs of the female are collectively called the oviduct (a word that in viviparous species is only used of what in humans is called the fallopian tube). Cardassian females have two ovaries. After ovulation, the ovum enters the infundibulum, a funnel-shaped organ. (The term infundibulum is used of many other funnel-shaped anatomical features.) The yolk is also created by the ovary, but is distinct from the ovum, which is the actual cell. The ovum and yolk migrates into the uterine tube, where the albumen (egg white) is added. It stays here until one of two things happen. 

If the ovum is not fertilised, it is pushed through the isthmus, which divides the uterine tube and the shell gland (which is analogous to the human uterus). It passes through the shell-gland and vagina and is expelled through the cloaca. The result is analogous to human menstruation. As the foetus does not grow inside the Cardassian body, there is no uterine lining to shed, so there is no blood. (Bleeding from the cloaca is always a bad sign, and the average Cardassian is pretty freaked out that the concept of menstruation.) An unfertilised Cardassian egg does not have a shell, and the membrane holding it together breaks when it is expelled through the vagina, so what comes out is a runny mixture of albumen and yolk, a little like what one gets by messily cracking a chicken’s egg. This gets called vitelline effusion or passing yolk. 

If the ovum is fertilised, it is again pushed through the isthmus, but then stays in the shell-gland. There, the body starts creating the shell, including additional membranes. The time it takes to create the shell is about fifteen days. The Cardassian in question is able to tell they are gravid (the homologous term for mammals is ‘pregnant’) about five days into this process. The Cardassian egg has about the same circumference as a human baby’s head. A gravid Cardassian will in no way be as large as a pregnant human, but it will be obvious. As the creation of the shell is relatively rapid, it is not a comfortable experience. The oviposition (egg-laying) is not unlike human child-birth, with the exception that there is no afterbirth (which means no blood - again, blood is a bad sign) and an egg instead of a baby. At the point of oviposition, the foetus is still in the early stages of development. 

Because Cardassians do not have placentas, they do not have umbilical cords and therefore they do not have navels. It probably leads to them being weirded out and fascinated by belly-buttons. 

Cardassian male genitalia are in many ways not unlike human male genitalia, only it is internal. The testes have about the same position as the ovaries in female. As Cardassians are  ectotherms (cold-blooded) and have no constant body-temperature, there is no danger of the sperm being damaged by the body-heat. The vas deferens runs from the testes to a gland analogous to the human prostate, which produces seminal fluid. Cardassian females has a homologous gland which creates lubrication. The vas deferens then goes into the penis (sometimes called prUt). As mentioned above, Cardassian males do not urinate through their penises, so the double-duty that the human urethra does must weird them out to no end. The Cardassian penis is usually retracted, with only the very tip being visible. The rest of the penis is held in a sheath (the Latin nerds among you can imagine that this makes things complicated, as ‘sheath’ in Latin is vagina). However, arousal makes erectile tissue fill with blood, both in the penis and around the sheath. This pushes the penis outwards, making it protrude much further. This is referred to as eversion, literally tuning outwards. The penis is not covered in skin but mucous membranes, like the human vulva. The sheath is self-lubricating through glands on either side in order to make eversion easier. Without that lubrication, eversion is not fun. It also comes in handy during penetrative sex, of course.

The female homologue of the penis in Cardassians, roughly their clitoris, is referred to as the vit. It looks much like a small version of the prUt, with similar sheath and erectile tissue. It is far narrower (as much of the area taken up by the sheath in males is taken up by the vagina in females) and shorter (possibly because of hormonal reasons). It also does not have the vas deferens that the prUt has. Like the prUt, the vit will lengthen and be pushed outwards because of arousal, but because of its smaller size it tends not to reach the cloacal opening. The sheath of the vit has glands like the male homologue, though the posterior ones also lubricate the vagina. (This is mainly for the purpose of oviposition, as penetrative sex tends not to reach into the vagina). 

Naturally, there are individual variations. For instance, a vit may be longer than average, and a prUt may be shorter than average. Also, just like among humans, there are Cardassians who are intersex and do not fall into one of these categories but somewhere in between. 

Addendum: Cardassian/Bajoran hybrids (or: how narratives win out over anatomy)

It makes no sense to me from a scientific point of view how a cold-blooded oviparous species and a warm-blooded viviparous species can have children. What I have decided to appease myself is that through some odd coincidence, it is possible for a Cardassian man to impregnate a Bajoran woman, but not for a Bajoran man to impregnate a Cardassian woman. 

The reason I want to salvage this instead of just reject it is that Cardassian/Bajoran children are the most interesting hybrids in terms of narrative since Spock. Spock’s human/Vulcan nature was a way of dealing with stories about internal struggles and external prejudice. Spock is clearly coded as mixed-race, while many TNG and VOY hybrids lack any thematic aspect within the narrative. However, Cardassian/Bajoran children are interesting because they are a living reminder of the Cardassian occupation. They represent the way that both Bajorans and Cardassians now have to live with what happened, and how they are interlinked through that history. This makes me willing to put aside how unlikely it is for these two species to be able to have children together. What changed my mind was Una McCormack’s novel Enigma Tales, which I highly recommend for its depiction of Cardassian/Bajoran children and Cardassia’s attempts at dealing with its past. 

With that put aside, what about the anatomy? I think Bajoran genitals are fairly close to human ones. Considering the Cardassian anatomy described above is so different, Bajoran/Cardassian children probably need surgery at a fairly early age to function well. (Some of the surgery might also be unnecessary and mostly be about making their anatomy more Cardassian.) They are also very, very unlikely to be fertile, but again, I am happy to turn a blind eye to this when the result is interesting enough, as it is in Enigma Tales, which deals with the ways in which Bajoran culture becomes part of Cardassian culture because of the descendants of Bajoran comfort women.

Sources, further reading and acknowledgements

Girling, Jane E. (2002), “The Reptilian Oviduct: A Review of Structure and Function and Directions for Future Research” in Journal of Experimental Zoology 293, pp. 141-170 – an article that was hugely helpful and also made me realise how little we actually know about reptiles.

Anapsid.org - My go-to place for reptile information. 

Speculative Cardassian Reproductive Xenobiology  - Good meta on Cardassian genitals, with special focus on sex.

Comparative Anatomy - A very smutty NSFW Garashir fic. It does an excellent job discussing Cardassian anatomy (even if I have ended up developing different ideas from this person). 

The Hatchling – A short fic by yours truly about Doctors Bashir and Parmak discussing Cardassian eggs, babies and sex assignment.

Thank you to my sister for letting me show her my work in progress, and D, who has been instrumental in my figuring these things out and first suggested the evolutionary reason for the chuva. 

#cardassians #xenobiology #exobiology #ds9 #star trek #meta #cardassian worldbuilding

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Hey! So, first, love the blog. But I was just wondering if there’s a term or a name for someone who identifies as female, but doesn’t like having breasts or a uterus. I’m asking for a friend.

It’s possible to be partially a woman but also non-binary.

But if your friend already did the soul searching and is sure she’s a woman then that’s her gender. And she can totally be a woman without a uterus or breasts. Chest dysphoria can be a sign of being trans or non-binary but there’s other issues regarding body image that aren’t directly tied in with gender stuff that can cause a person to not like their breasts. And not wanting to have a uterus can have many reasons as well. Maybe she has severe menstrual pain or doesn’t want children and the societal pressure to have them is so big that she prefers to not be able to bear children at all. There’s many reasons and I can’t know which applies to your friend.

I don’t know if there’d be a word but if you’re asking me what she can label her gender - if she identifies as a woman then she’s a woman, regardless of how her body looks or how she’d like to alter it.

Maddie

#pumpkinpieowl

[littlefoxluna]

My coming out post (Did Oct 11th, 2020)

I guess it's coming out day and I am posting this for those who wish to know, making it easy to support me. It's not mandatory or anything but any disrespect towards me would end up in bad results. That's my final warning to this.

I am a pandemic as I like to call it. Smashing pansexual and Demisexual together. Pansexual: not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. Demisexual: n a nutshell it means that you only experience sexual attraction in the context of a close, emotional bond. I have a great comic that explains it well. I'm also very hedonistic to those I have those bonds with, however that part of me is slowly recovering from past relationships.

As for how I identify, it's hard to figure this out. The best I could figure out is Ambigendered. I feel like non-binary and gender-fluid doesn't fit my situation. Then I was getting mixed answers to whether or not I fit under the trans definition. This is a huge issue I struggle with when forming my identity and loving myself, pushing me forward on self-healing, and the path of being a better person. An ambigender person feels a need for expression and/or recognition as both male and female, or both masculine and feminine from my understanding. However, how I feel about my body is the tricky part. While I am comfortable with my actual female bits (including the uterus that I curse every shark week), I'm not completely okay with my body. I also feel the need and wants of having the male bits as well. Thus leaving me with the gender dysphoria. Gender Dysphoria is the distress a person feels due to a mismatch between their gender identity and their sex assigned at birth. From personal examination, there are no signs of having the signs of being intersexed or hermaphroditism. So that possibility is ruled out.

My therapist says I'm a first for her in this area and she is trying her best to help. When most come to her for gender dysphoria, they usually want to be the opposite sex. Never wanting or desiring to be both, I popped that cherry.  So I'm constantly finding ways to express myself, finding what works and doesn't work for me.

As for pronouns, I default to she/her. However, if I give permission, he/him doesn't bother me. I'm still personally struggling with they/them and working on being better about them. Growing up they/them were used in not so great ways, leaving trauma attached to those words/pronouns. So there is an odd pause when I use they/them when trying to respect those who use those pronouns and prefer them. It doesn't help when I had people flip out and go absolute ape-shit on me when those pauses happen, even when I explain that trauma. Which isn't helping me mentally replace good memories with the bad.

So yeah if those pauses happen, I'm sorry in advance. I am really trying to work on it. So much abuse was tagged to those pronouns, its gonna take time and understanding. And I am hella thankful for those who understand this struggle and willing to help me work through it, you all are my heroes.

And a huge thank-you to those who have been supporting me across the board, you all are my heroes too. I will answer questions or concerns or talk about anything mentioned above, as long as things stay civil and respectful.

This is my journey of understanding myself, learning to love myself, and healing from the trauma.

[derangedroyalfae]

Dear family (a “coming out” letter about my transition journey)

Since I could remember, when my child brain could grasp the concept of going to these events for myself, I wanted to wear a tuxedo to my prom and to my wedding. 

It might have started shortly before puberty hit, but I had a huge phase right up until my sophomore or junior year of high school where I detested anything that was girly: ruffles, lace, frills, PINK, reds, skirts, dresses. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate pink, but the other things eventually grew on me when I saw what potential they had. I desperately wanted to wear boy uniforms more than the girl ones when I began private school, but knew I had to settle. 

I remember as a child wanting to play with the boys, I wanted to be their friend and even had a good year and half where I was, but when I lost them to my bully, I thought I could settle for the girls. Something strangely didn’t click when I saw things from a different perspective. We could confide in each other because our parts were physically the same, but I had a hard time seeing eye-to-eye. I suppose the same could be said about boys as well. 

I never knew there were words for it or even a possibility outside of cartoons and anime, but my own stories began to fill up with diverse characters in regards to sexuality and gender long before I had a grasp of my own. “This character can be either gender, sometimes they’re both.” “This character doesn’t have a gender.” Don’t get me started on when I began to create characters representing different aspects of myself and how diverse those people were whilst still baring resemblance to me. 

I never knew. I was too young to slap on a label or knew labels existed and pertained to me. I never knew I had a lot of thoughts that most “little girls” actually didn’t have, especially in private and in my dreams. And whilst I’ll be the first to say: “clothes know no gender,” I can admit that I never knew what they could do to help me feel more like myself in regards to such a topic. I knew I had a hard time feeling content in the role I was playing, but never knew how to say it or if I should. There has ALWAYS been a dual aspect to me, I’ve always loved dual aspects: black and white, angel and demon, half and half, sweet and sour, hyper and mature, sweet and headstrong, masculine and feminine, etc and so-on. 

One day, somewhere around early to midway 2015, during my freshman year of college, I turned to research on the topic of gender. I hadn’t been meaning to look for myself, it was purely for my books and curiosity, but I dare say, lines had began to form around dots. At this point and time, I was well aware and accepting to the idea of transgender people, but hadn’t truly suspected that I could fall under such a category. But then I saw that there was more than the binary of male and female, be you trans or cis. Non-binary. Genderqueer. Genderfluid. Agender (though I knew about this one in high school). There was a whole realm of possibilities, and I felt myself, for once, belonging. I didn’t know anyone else who was one of these, but I clearly wasn’t alone in this identity or it wouldn’t exist. I didn’t instantly slap that patch on, however, and I certainly wasn’t sure about going public with it right away. But I had at least one person I confided in, and they, in turn, confided in me about their own gender dysphoria. If you haven’t figured it out, I am talking about my dear friend, Jewel. I also did tell at least one of my sisters and another member of the family. 

Jewel and I, on the other hand, did go into great detail with each other when we talked about what we could possibly want from physical transitioning. It wasn’t enough to just slap on a label and dress the part. No. That was not just for me, it’d be for everyone else to see the spectacle. The aspects and changes I wanted to do to my body, those were undoubtedly for me. No one else would see or be affected by them, save for my future partner. I immediately said that my uterus had to go. Hysterectomy has been a tab on my phone since my freshman year along side a penile implant. I looked up the different ways it could be done, and if I did indeed want to have bottom surgery, I knew what my options were. I don’t hate being female, I don’t even dislike being female, but it was never about that. It’s not like that. I just never felt like I truly was one and that I could never be happy tying to fit in that role. 

Before the semester was up, I freely and openly identified as gender fluid and was fairly certain where I wanted to go from there. It was time for a test run. I even changed my gender and pronouns on Facebook and other social media (and they’ve remained constant these past five years). I would wear and buy men’s clothes more frequently (as no one would buy them for me and now I was capable of doing it myself) and even would bind my chest and pack a sock where a penis ought to be. I would take snippets of my hair and turn it into facial hair, applying it on with spirit gum and trying to look as accurately as I could. I even came up with a masculine name in the next semester. But it had to be perfect and constructed like ~Maiden~ was. I wanted to still keep my middle name, so I had to be a male Fae. ~Names~ my list consisted of Irish boy names translating over to lord or king. Eventually I realized how perfect ~Li'l King~ was and I owned my place as the “Little King of the Fairies.” How perfect. I was short for a girl and now even shorter of a boy, so little king I was. Since we were living in the North County, most people were generally pretty accepting and chill about it all, especially my peers and classmates. But I never knew how to come out to my family. I reminded myself this was a test run, so perhaps I didn’t really need to say until things got serious. I was worried of being looked down upon and being seen as trying to be trendy or complicated. I wasn’t trying to be special or different, I was just trying to be me. I didn’t know how to explain what I was going through and how I felt, so I felt silence was better. I didn’t know if the older generation would get it, especially when I hear them talk about it on the radio of how they see us. How easy it’s always been to come out about my sexuality, but my gender? Now that was mortifying for seem reason. 

Five years passed, and I never felt wrong or wavering about my identity. I felt more sure of it by the day. I did the research off and on and talked to those who had been doing much better with their lives once they started transition and could finally be themselves both physically and mentally. 

So come August 2018, I decided I was ready to start hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I was tired of applying a beard, I wanted to grow one. I was tired of forcing down my voice and accidentally squeaking to my normal range, I wanted a drop. I was tired of constantly having people look at my face and see me as a female when I clearly wasn’t dressed like one or wanted to be seen as one. When I read that T (testosterone) could negatively affect my cholesterol, I got back on vitamins and tried to maintain it once again. On September 13, 2018 I made an appointment with my primary care, ready to tell her the news. I was told by my fellow trans friends that all they did was go to their primary, tell them they were ready for HRT, got handed a consent form, got their labs done, and voila! I fasted and took a 3hr bus ride from one city to another, paid my $30 copay, brought with me HRT consent forms, and poured out my feelings to this doctor, thinking she was the one person who could help me here. What a joke. “There’s nothing in your files stating you’ve felt this way.” Well, yes, but that’s because I wanted to stop being depressed before I went and did something “drastic.” I’ve waited five years, surely this can’t be seen as an impulse. “Go talk to your psychiatrist.” That’s it? I paid $30, took public transport for 3hrs for a car trip that was less than half an hour, starved myself this morning FOR THAT? I was actually so incredibly crushed. She pretty much told me that she didn’t know what she was doing so I was on my own defenses. She was willing to sign off on referrals, but it would be my responsibility to send them her way. ALRIGHT. Fine. I can do that. 

That same day, I made my psychiatry appointment (though my psychiatrist was on maternity leave so it would be my substitute) and messaged my doctor: 

“I have made an appointment with my psychiatrist for this Monday and been looking into the Endocrinologist with Sutter Health and my insurance in general. I've also been looking at my options for what kind of medical testosterone I'd prefer using, such as AndroGel or Androderm. I just thought I would update you on that and will have my psychiatrist send you any and all possible information as soon as possible regarding this. 

I also wanted to make sure that you were aware that at the moment I am only interested in the hormone part of sex reassignment and not anything to do with any surgical procedures. I am only looking into Hormone Replacement Therapy and have been for at least five years now. 

Thank you for your time toady, I hope to talk to you or an Endocrinologist about this in the near future.”

In case you didn’t know, you ONLY need to talk to a psychiatrist in regards to surgery, not hormones. 

Looking back on the rest of my journey, it feels like a joke that I honestly thought I could trust her to help me. I went to the psychiatrist as I was instructed, and when she took me into her office and noticed the book I was reading “Trans Minds Trans Bodies” she immediately recognized it and told me what a good book it was - there was a glimmer of hope. She asked me the standard questions you’re supposed to when diagnosing someone with gender dysphoria, and of course, o get the label. She felt as though her hands were just a bit tied, as she was not my actual psychiatrist, but she was determined to help me. She looked up the closest hospitals and facilities (all in the North County, go figure) that could help me and wrote down lists of contacts. Immediately she grabbed consent forms for sharing my information and told me that I could contact her for further help. 

I sent this new info to my doctor, hoping she’d follow through with making those referrals as she said she would. I found an endocrinologist at the hospital ma was committed to (you all remember that place, right?) that specialized in HRT who was the closest to us. It was part of Sutter Health so I immediately jumped at the chance to make an appointment with her. How was I to get there aside train, however? Hummingbird and Kitty has my back, both of them putting in a request for the day off. My appointment was made for a Friday on the 30th of November. I told myself this was my fallback, however. I discovered that a North county university offered video and phone appointments, so I wouldn’t even need to go there. I could still get my labs done here and they could send me the prescription. They even took our insurance. All I needed was my primary to refer me. 

But she wasn’t the one contacting me anyone. Every time I tried to message her, it was an office staff who responded, saying that my “request was received, and requires review” from her. I even called my insurance to see if anything was happening in regards to the referrals being sent in. “You need to contact you medical group.” Alright??? So then this baloney of back-and-forth tug-o-war with our insurance and medical group began. “Submit your request to this number” but somehow was the same number I had given them. I was completely out of it for what the hell was going on half the time. It was loops and circles and mazes. Why was it so hard for specifically me?

I even made an appointment with my actual psychiatrist when she came back from maternity leave and asked if she could give me the prescription. She said that she sadly couldn’t, but would do whatever it took to help. She gave me a consent form for sharing information and her business card to give to the endocrinologist. I gave the information for the hospital and the specialist and we went from there. 

I eventually let go the frustration of the North county university, I at least had my November appointment. Well, a week before it was supposed to be, they called me up to push it back another week, so December 7 was the new day. Fortunately, Hummingbird and Kitty could still make it. However, the day or two before, the medical group called and told me “insurance isn’t going to cover this since it’s not the same medical group.” What? But Sutter Health??? “Your Sutter G, this is Sutter E. I’m sorry, you’ll have to pay $150.” FINE. It was a small price to pay to be myself. Whatever it took, is take it. 

It felt a shame that the three of us make our way to the North County for just one little appointment that wouldn’t even be half an hour, so I made plans to meet up with my old friends, Jewel and Usdi, and let them meet my two newer partners.

On Thanksgiving, I came out to any friends and classmates that I want to be officially known as ~Li'l King~ (in fact, I had began introducing myself that way to strangers). I’ve also comes to terms that I want to legally change my name to ~Maiden~-~Li'l King~ Shea Rodenborn, but want to go by ~Li'l King~. Time for a double life. I love ~Maiden~ and the Maiden of the Fairies too much to let go of it, it’s a part of my identity. But I truly have come to a point where I hate being called ~Maiden~ and it actually makes me feel depressed. Even being called aunt is tearing at me. Every time I refer to myself as ~Maiden~, aunt, she, her, miss, I feel my skin crawl. I just have such a huge disconnect and it tugs at my heartstrings in a painful way. I know, it’s hard to get it and can easily be seen as something that was planted in my head, but how can it be when it feels so sincere?

And so, the week after thanksgiving, I went to spend the night at the girls’ place on Thursday so we could leave as soon as possible Friday morning. We made our way out and I was more than beyond ready once again. I knew this doctor wouldn’t try to slight me, but I was nervous since almost everything had been on my own. Whenever chaos hit, I was alone and the only witness. I didn’t want that again. So as a precaution, I asked my girlfriends to sit in with me at the appointment. This endocrinologist gave me the olive branch I was so desperately seeking out. She didn’t have any issues with prescribing me HRT, especially after going through the procedure of diagnosing me with gender dysphoria again. She informed me on everything that could happen with getting on testosterone, the risks, the procedures, the symptoms, but it was all stiff I knew at that point in time. I told her I wanted to try androderm first and my second choice was androgel, since I wasn’t found of the idea of having to put a shot in my butt once a week (the butt part wasn’t what bothered me, it was having to get shots). “I’ll have to see you again in three months.” But I don’t think I can afford to come back if I have to pay $150 again (I hopefully would have my license in March). I began to meekly tell her of the storm I had faced with insurance and my medical group, even if how I called up my insurance the day before to find out one specific insurance and the other weren’t the same thing. “But I’m honestly the closest specialist to you, they HAVE to cover it.” Tell them that. They saw I was looking for an endocrinologist. They don’t have a section for specialist in transgender hormone replacement therapy. She saw the pain and frustration in my eyes, just how beyond done I was, and said that she’d take care of contacting my insurance for me. She sent me on my way and requested for me to do a blood test, which I got done the next day in a nearby city. 

I had checked my medication list and androderm was officially on it. I hadn’t remember the last time I felt so elated. Maybe a well later, I received a letter from the insurance saying that they’re denying Androderm because I should try Androgel first. My endocrinologist was immediately on top of this and let me know that she would send in the request for Androgel. So on December 14th the pharmacy called me to let me know it was ready, and on the 15th picked up my first bottle/pump of liquid testosterone. On December 16th (which can now be known as my Transiversary), I slabbed on my first dosage of andorgel.

Spring 2019 semester, I submitted a form to have my name changed with the school so I appear as ~Li'l King~ to the teachers and faculty. 

I’m still me. I’m less upset about being me, but I’m still me. This isn’t a bad thing, and it was never to hurt anyone. I always hide my “he/him” pronoun badge whenever I see you guys because I didn’t want to confuse you. I know it was secretive and behind people’s back, but it’s because I know how much of a pushover I am. I know how easily I cave in and feel guilty over the most trivial of things. I didn���t know how anyone would react, and I didn’t know if anyone would try to stop me. Tell me it isn’t something I should focus on. And so, it felt less like betrayal if I just didn’t tell you guys as opposed to telling you guys, you guys saying not to do it, and then me doing it anyway. But it really shouldn’t even be in the same playing field with such thoughts. How can something that’s not truly harmful to my physical well being but salvation to my mental well being be seen as betrayal to anyone else. I guess, I was scared of betraying myself too. Though, if we’re being honest, at the end of the day I also didn’t want to be bombarded with questions. I was hoping I could just tell you and you’d accept, no more to be said. 

I know I’m the youngest, I’m often seen as immature and uneducated, and maybe you’re all right in seeing me that way. But I want you all to know: THIS WAS NOT AN IMPULSE. This wasn’t something I did to be “hip” and be down with the times. No one else could have convinced me to do this. I’ve never met a transgendered person who would wish this upon anyone and try to convince someone they’re trans. I WOULDN’T WISH THIS ON ANYONE. I wouldn’t wish being queer of sexuality or gender on anyone because it’s harder than you think. There’s nothing fun or trendy about this. It’s not cute or happy fun times. I am honestly living my life in fear of being hurt for being myself, especially since I live in East County instead of the North County. But I’ve come to terms that I’d rather die being myself than have to live a messy lie where I wouldn’t feel like I was even alive, so I’d rather die. I’d try to change, I’d try to be like everyone else: but it doesn’t work that way. Please understand, that I this isn’t what you hear about on the radio. This is real and true and ME. 

#family #family drama #journal #mood journal #trans #transition #trans problems #transgender #coming out #coming out story #trek #odyssey #testosterone #endocrinologist #endocrinology #medical group #health care #insurance #complication #hospital #anxiety #anxious #please ignore the numerous typsos #yikes I haven't proofread this yet