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citizensun · 6 months

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Queerness and the House of Usher (spoilers!)

See I just added these Thoughts to the tags in @quecksilvereyes 's post but now I have Feelings too

TFotHoU (or HoU, as I will refer to it here), as expected from a Mike Flannagan show, has a bunch of Queer Rep™ to talk about. HoU is, also, about remarkably evil people - amoral capitalists who'll step over anyone if it means they'll get something from it. And look! Some of them are queer! Kinky too!

That's bad queer representation... right?

The show isn't that clear when stablishing sexualities, but we see that at least three of the Usher kids - Napoleon, Camille and Victorine - have same sex SOs/assistants with curious job descriptions. Prospero's taste for orgies probably implies queerness too, but honestly I don't remember if he gets it going with any guys in the story. I honestly have no idea about Tamerlane's voyerism thingie and Frederick is the only one with a "traditional family" going on.

Unrelated, but: Leo is definitely cheating on his bf Julius. Completely dismissing about his worries for him too. And for his cat. That's objectively evil, clearly. Vic literally killed her fiancée Alessandra, though she didn't stuff her under the floorboard, which is an L when compared to Poe's original. Cam doesn't believe in true love. Perry blackmailed his sister in law. Mean. He's also got a surprisingly high kill count for the family's disappointment, but since unlike Roderick he only killed rich people, we stan. I don't belong in Kinky spaces so I haven't got a big take on Tammie, only that - well, she's completely dismissing of her husband and sees him as a prop, just like the sex worker she hires.

Huh.

See, the nature of a story called "the fall of X family" is that X family is going to be the main character. The title kinda implies that they're falling for a reason, ergo, they're despicable fucking people. And they're queer! They're very queer. Many flavors of gay. They're the main characters, and they're monsters, and they're gay.

No, that's not bad rep.

Queerness as a movement, a community and a theory is very focused on scaping a cisheteronormative society's binaries (ie man/woman, husband/wife, public/private) and creating living conditions to those who fall outside of these categories - mlms and wlws, the trans, the nbs, the aros and aces... we are all queer, strange and estranged from this weird and limited worldview. And so we create a community for ourselves. It's very focused on care and anti-stablishment. Since a cisheteronormative society tends to be very white, rich and western, it's also focuses on anti-racism, anti-capitalism, anti-imperialism. Y'all know that, this is Tumblr and we love leftist Discourse.

I also know many, many gay people irl who are not like that at all. Libertarians, anarcho-capitalists, terfs, completely apolitical people and the like. Sexuality at it's core is personal, not political, so there are gay people out there who are perfectly comfortable with their sexuality on an individual level but do not see the point of getting involved in the broader context. They're queer, but are they...?

Well—

Not to mention there's lots of asshole gays out there! Don't you have a shitty ex? Have you never been almost run over by a drunken butch who blew cigar smoke into your face? I have! Life experiences are just like that. Maybe you should touch more grass. You'll probably find a lucky gift from your neighbour's dog, who is an astrology-obsessed bisexual and also really hot but stopped making out with you at a party once she found out you're a pisces (the neighbour, not the dog).

(Granted, none of this is as bad as implanting an experimental heart contraption into the fiancée you just killed because she dared to have ethical principles and then being so consumed with grief you stab yourself in front you'd your dad but you know how it goes. We're not the 1%.)

My point is, queer people are people. We are complex. We fuck up, and sometimes there's still times to fix things and sometimes... there isn't. We're consumed by jealousy and regret and sometimes we're so locked into our own head we stop believing the rest of the world is real too. Just like any other people, because unfortunately, queerness isn't a sign of morality.

And even if queerness does mean community, kindness and acceptance, tell me... Where the hell would the Usher kids get those from? The people around them are not really peers – they're ass-istants, blowjob-giving apartments, orgy mates, heart surgery providers, hired fitness moneybags, perfect housewives. Even if the partners are all shown to care for the Ushers, there's still a distance, a power gap, that makes the relationships fundamentally wrong.

And the partners? Arguably they're the good queer rep in the show, but look – even when Julius and Alessandra are shown to be good people (or at least people with an ethical boundary), they're not the good gays, they're simply the good SO's to a family of psychos. Exactly like Bill and Morrie, who afawk are straight people.

Which leads us to HoU's parameter of morality - Auguste Dupin. He refuses to drink the Amontillado, symbol of all the Usher opulence over the years. He got screwed over by the Usher twins and by the Raven herself, but he refused to cave in (except for the informant part, admittedly). He's not a good gay guy; he is gay and he is a good man.

The fundamental difference between our show's main tragic yaoi couple isn't that Auggie is a happily out gay man (and therefore is good) while Roderick is a sad divorced hetero (and therefore is bad). Auggie is the richer man because he is a good man; he has a spouse and children and grandchildren he loves with all his heart. He has a family and a community and he has found a sort of happiness no money can buy. Roderick owns the world – but what does he really have? What do his children even have? How could they ever build communities for themselves if they were never in one? Their father made them compete for his love. He never nurtured their bonds, he just showered them with money and excess until it was too much for them to handle. Juno herself pointed out - they were never a family. The House of Usher was only that. A house. It is empty and soulless.

What is queerness without a community? How could the people who represent the relentless corporate normativity and cutthroat capitalism ever be good queer rep? How can they even be queer?

Hear me out: on the most individual, simple level, being queer is still about not fitting in. These kids are bastards. They are are PoC and women in a predominantly male and white dominated space. They're on top of the world, but they're still outsiders to their own House. How could they not be queer?

And yes, I know this discussion takes a different turn when it comes to representation in media, but it's not like Flannagan fell into a Hays Code-era flamboyant villain trope. Queerness is just there. Just like Victorine and August are both black people in (arguably) the opposite ends of the morality spectrum, there are queer characters of many kinds here. The story just happens to be about the fucked up ones.

HoU is a poignant critique of capitalism and a surprisingly funny adaptation of Poe. We'll judge it by that. It happens to be queer – more things should be.

#the fall of the house of usher #TFotHoU #victorine lafoucarde #camille l'espanaye #napoleon usher #prospero usher #tamerlane usher #roderick usher #queer theory #queerness #lgbtqia #edgar allan poe #mike Flannagan #sun o' mine

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acewithapaintbrush · 2 years

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I wish every closeted aro/ace person, who is constantly being pressured by family to finally get into a relationship, the same experience upon coming out that I've had with my mother:

Since the moment I entered the age where you are supposed to become interested (in my case) in boys, my mother had been a real bloodhound about it. Every boy that crossed my path was a potential boyfriend.

The older I got, the worse it got.

Some man asks me if I want to take turns on the equipment in the gym with him? "Ohhh, he was totally flirting with you! Go talk to him!"

A waiter is nice to me? "Did you see how he looked at you? Wasn't he awfully nice to you? I think he likes you!"

It never went farther than comments, but those were quickly becoming very annoying, especially since I had known for quite some time by then who I am.

One day, some years ago, we are watching TV and there is a lot of talk about sexuality and stuff and suddenly I'm like 'Fuck it' and turn to her and ask: "Do you know what asexuality is?"

"No."

So I explain it to her. How I don't feel any sexual attraction. How, for the longest time, I didn't even know what sexual attraction was supposed to be like, that I thought it was a fabrication of the media.

"I'm not interested in sex. Actually, I'm not interested in a relationship at all. That's arosexual. I have no desire for a partner. Having kids would be the worst thing that could happen to me. I'm happy alone and I want to stay alone."

"That's who I am."

And she sits there and listens to me and I don't even know what I expect. She is a loving and open minded mother, but for years her only goal seemed to have been getting me into a relationship.

So I watch and talk and she sits and listens and at the end of it she is like:

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I get it. I mean I always wanted family and kids. But that's me. I can totally understand not wanting any of that."

And while I'm still sitting there, not exactly shocked, but definitely pleasantly surprised by her easy acceptance, she goes on and on.

"Kids are hard work and they completely change your life and they are expensive. If you don't want any, you definitely shouldn't have any."

"I can see every day how happy you are with your life the way it is, and I'm really glad. There is nothing worse than wanting a relationship and not finding the right one. But there is also nothing worse than forcing yourself into a relationship just because you don't know how to be alone."

"Everyone should live the life they want. Isn't it great that you young people can do that now? Not even 50 years ago you had to be married, you couldn't even open a banking account without a husband! But today women don't need a man for anything!"

And the conversation just slowly peters off and it is finally done. From then on, I am known and understood.

And wouldn't you know it? The matchmaking completely stops. Not one more comment. Not a single one!

Going from a mother who couldn't ignore even the most vague interaction between me and a man without making a comment, to a mother who never brings anything like that up again, was quite jarring, to say the least.

But very appreciated.

Some weeks ago we once again (as we sometimes do) get to talking about this and I'm like "I was actually kinda surprised how well you took it. I expected more of a pushback."

"What? Why would you think that???"

And I'm incredulous, because "You spent YEARS throwing every man who so much as looked a little too long at me my way, insisting that every smile and glance meant that they were flirting with me. And you ask me why I thought you would take my complete disinterest in a relationship badly?"

And my mother sits up straight and grows very serious and says with conviction:

"I only did that because I couldn't understand how you never noticed the attention you were getting!"

"Huuh?"

"Boys and men would flirt with you and you never noticed! Never! And I thought, how can she not notice? It's so obvious! It was driving me crazy!"

"Let's ignore the part where I still don't think smiling and being nice equals flirting… You're telling me that you were only constantly pointing these things out to me, because you thought I was being an oblivious idiot and you needed to… help me?"

"Pretty much, yeah." She doesn't even sound sorry. "How was I supposed to know that you actually weren't interested at all? I just thought you were being dumb and not picking up on some veeeeery obvious signs. Of course I had to help my little dummy."

So, to make my long story short: Her comments were never meant to pressure me into a relationship because she thought that's the only way to live your life. She simply thought her daughter was an oblivious idiot.

I wish you all parents like my mother. Whose weird matchmaking is just an expression of their belief that you are hopelessly unaware of social and romantic cues and that you idiot need all the help you can get, but who, upon learning the truth, will accept you for who you are and will be proud of the person you are.

#aro/ace #aroace #asexual #ace pride #asexuality #arosexual #coming out story #This is very personal but I've wanted to put it into words for a while now and finally managed #Thanks for your attention

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vidavalor · 6 months

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I just happened upon your blog (right terminology?) and I’m learning a lot. One thing that startled me was your referring to Crowley and Aziraphale’s love (sex) life as a matter of course, something seemingly everyone but me knew about. I was blown away and really wanted it to be true. After all, they’ve had to do without so much—openness, safety, the expectation of future togetherness. It would too unfair if they had to do without physical consummation too. What’s the deal with this? How do we know it’s so? What’s the history? Please enlighten me. Have you written posts about this? I’d love to read them. Thanks

Hello! Thanks for the ask. Nice to meet you. I call it a blog because I'm old and don't know the cool terms but we can call it whatever lol. I have no idea re: how many people who view the show and are able to see that Crowley & Aziraphale are more than friends (because, believe it or not, that concept still shocks some lol) who think that they're already lovers. I do think I'm sort of in the minority, maybe, even if there are a bunch of people who think that they're already a thing. When scrolling through the Ineffable Husbands tag on here, I tend to see a lot more posts that suggest that they aren't lovers and that 2.06 was their first kiss. (Let's hope that it's not lol.)

I guess I would say that if you are thinking about whether or not they might be, consider that Good Omens shows you most of its story out of chronological order in order to give layered meaning to the stuff you've already seen so, just with that knowledge alone, it would be actually pretty surprising if 2.06 was the first time they'd kissed. In S2 itself, earlier on, there's some heavy suggestion that it's not. If you want to read about when I think that happened, go here and I'll link you one more post at the bottom of this response here:

While I like to read all points of view-- I read a lot of aro ace GO stuff as well, even if I don't necessarily see that in my own interpretations of things-- I have thought they were sleeping together since the first time I watched S1 a few years back and S2 just kinda reinforced that for me. I think that, technically-speaking, there's a path to either they still haven't gotten together or that they're long-time lovers. I say that but honestly... it's more like if they somehow do something that suggests that they're only getting together during/after S3, I think it could kinda work but I honestly don't actually think that's the story they're writing. I'm pretty firmly set on the idea that they've been sleeping together for, uh, a very long time at this point. Someone told me the other day via messages that they would burn my house down if I did not finish a sex meta that I promised people so I best maybe get on that and also potentially call the police lol. (I am both flattered and scared?). So, uh, I'll get that up soon... I wrote a couple of longer metas lately about different eras of their relationship that are replies to recent asks on my blog-- I'd probably recommend the one about what they call each other and coded love confessions in 1941, if you're looking to read about them as a couple that's already a couple (even if they would have an anxiety attack at the word 'couple', as Crowley does in 2.06 lol). Will link it below. I'm very flattered that you and others have asked to read more of what I think and I have gotten asked a lot for more sex-related content so, uh, watch this space, I guess? :)

Make yourself a tea first or plan to come back to it as I'm wordy lol:

#ineffable husbands #good omens

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aakaneeee · 3 months

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✮⋆˙beside you feels so right˙⋆✮

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 featuring! dan heng and gn! reader

words: over 5k

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 contents! fluff, slight hurt/comfort

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 warnings! spoilers of Dan Hengs past

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 songs I recommend for this fic:

❀rises the moon

❀sweather weather

❀the other side of the Paradise

▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊|• 0:10

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 akane's thoughts: omg akane made a long fic?!?! unbelievable.. all jokes aside, I think this came out prettyyy cute! Dan heng is such a softie bro someone give him a hug. (how are the two men I like most polar opposites?? talking about Dan Heng and Luka from ALNST)

the tea you wanted to drink already went cold, steam no longer rising from the green, transparent liquid. you circled around the painfully empty room of yours. you joined the Astral Express Crew only recently, not enough time passed for you to decorate the place you received, but definetly enough to get attached to everyone. especially a certain someone.

you got a text, a horrid one, short yet to the point: enough to make your stomach churn. "the mission took an unpredictable turn. a bad one. we might come back later than anticipated."

Dan Heng was always a dry texter. That wasn't what made you so worried. But the Xianshou Luofu was a dangerous place. There were mara-struck people, who knows what kind of 'companions' and you knew well they would have to do dangerous stuff, like they always did. They came back with scars more often than not and it made you sick.. because Dan Heng would never admit something went bad.. You knew it was worse than what he said.

So, now he is a dragon? long, dark hair with turquoise ends stayed smoothly on broad, bare shoulders. Greenish blue eyes that almost seemd to pierce trought you. Teal, translucent horns.

It was Dan Heng, but it also wasn't.

"this might be unexpected for you. I was quite.. worried to come back to the Express. to you..." a pause. "And Himeko, and Pom Pom." He never repeated the same word again and again in the same phrase, it was obvious he was nervous.

"there's no need to be. sure.. this is a lot to take in and process. But it would never change what I think about you. You're still the Dan Heng I know." You smile awkwardly, trying to make him feel better, to an extent where you weren't sure if what you were saying was okay. "And I know you had a reason to hide that from us. I understand you." Did you really?

"Thats good to know." He nodded slightly, a pink, rosey shade brushed on his cheeks, almost barely noticeable. "I'll just.." he sighed, something he did oftenly, for many reasons too. "I'll go to my room..."

The moment just turned even more awkward than it was before, which was a hard to achieve point. Both of your gazes were averted to the side.

"Okay.. I'll.. see you?" You respond.

He simply nods before turning away and going right, back to his own cabin. You closed the door, leaning against it and sighing, just like he would have done. It was a gruesome experience, one that would swim back to the surface before falling asleep. You try to calm yourself down, and tell yourself it was all okay, even though you knew it wasn't.

02:37 AM

Turning again and again in one's bed seems to not work. You get up, sighing just like Dan Heng would, and stretch. Your eyes were drooping sleepily, unkempt hair falling on your shoulders. Your baggy pajama was not staying right, but it didn't matter that much. Your foggy mind couldn't forget what happened between you and the one you got way too attached for your own good. You were a bit frustrated he kept all that under the rug, even for you, and made you feel a little upset, even though you understood his reasoning. Sliding your door open, you stepped out, pacing quietly until you are in the lobby.

Cooking yourself some simple Diet fried rice, you sit down at one of the tables and stare at it, waiting for it to cool down. Atleast if you focused on the white grains of rice, then thoughts wouldn't lurk as much.

Not even Pom Pom walked around the empty halls of the Express. It was all peaceful and tranquil, optimal for watching the stars and the beautiful constellations they create. And yet, even with a breathtaking scenery before you, you still felt oddly.. empty. Like a certain something ended way too soon. Like something finished abruptly even though you could've stopped it. You couldnt help but imagine that he didn't see you the same way, even though he was the one that changed. Perhaps it's because you stared, pure shock on your face. Or perhaps he just felt guilty for not telling you, and wants to distance himself. That sounds like something Dan Heng would do. And yet, you still felt like it was somehow your fault.

You take a mouthful of the food you made, and even though it was nothing special or that good, it was enough for such a late time. You felt like the only thing that wasn't enough right now, was you. You wanted to apologize for staring and tell him how much you like him, maybe even be honest and say the truth, that it was in a more-than-friends way. It would be awkward. A relationship would never happen between you two. You couldn't pin point if he felt the same or not, but it didn't change much. A relationship on the Express would be a nuisance. You know that teasing wouldn't even be the worst part, but rather, the fact that you would worry more than needed, and the whole system would be deregulated, just because of mutual romantic feelings.

And so the bowl emptied.

Walking slowly to your room, you stumble on your own steps, even the Universe wanting to tell you 'go and apologize!'. You stop in front of his cabin, reluctantly hold your hand up, but before knocking, you pull it back. Your hesistance continues for a few seconds that felt like the whole world stopped in place, but then you finally do it. Knock once. Twice. Shortly, almost intentionally made to not be heard so you could tell yourself that you tried and calm down, atleast a little bit.

To your dismay, or happiness, because you weren't really sure at this point, the door slides open. A sleepy version of the normal Dan Heng you know stands behind it, looking at you.

"Did you need something?"

Your gaze averted to the side.

"No. I just wanted company, and you're the only one that stays awake this late." A white lie and you know it. It's not company you wanted.

"come in, then." He replies after a short pause that yet again felt like an eternity.

This felt even worse, and it was almost pressing on you, like a glass wall. You enter the archives room after the taller man. The bed was not made, like usual, but now the scenario seemed to be more like: "he just got up to open the door because he is too nice to not do it". It all smelled vaguely of a bitter kind of tea, but it's was so subtle you didn't manage to pick up what tea exactly. Something close to green tea, you concluded. Small lights from the multiple devices scattered around the makeshift room flickered, and they were the only things that didn't leave the whole place in complete darkness.

Your gaze went back to Dan Heng, who stretched his neck and arms, then sat down, looking at you intently.

"so, what are you doing up so.. late. or early, perhaps." He asked you, voice a little different than usual. Maybe because you woke the poor guy up at an unholy hour of the night, but it was deeper and somewhat raspier.

"i couldn't really sleep. thoughts were clouding my mind and dragging all kinds of tiredness from me."

"what kind of thoughts?"

He asked that because he cared, or because he knew the feeling too well. He usually was very focused on the topic of discussions, but many times you caught him zoning out, eyebrows furrowed as he seemed lost in deep thought.

For a bit, you were reluctant to tell him the truth. It probably was very weird, and sudden, even a bit saddening. You didn't want to ruin his mood, but you were already there.. and it felt only right for him to know.

"I am so sorry for staring earlier." You start, voice cracking slightly. "I didn't want to make you feel bad, like I probably did. I know it must've been hard to keep something so upsetting like this and my reaction wasn't good. I deeply apologize.. I guess I just stared because I thought you were beautiful, and didn't realize I made you uncomfortable-" Wait. Rewind that.

The always so neutral Dan Heng looked at you with slightly widened eyes, a pale rosy tint on his cheeks.

"I just made it worse didn't I-"

"No. No, you didn't." He interrupted you, maybe a bit too eagerly for it to sound like he didn't enjoy the compliment. He sighs, something he did very oftenly, trying to find the right words.

"You are right, it was hard for me to keep all of that away from everyone. I felt bad for doing so. And I did get quite worried that you didn't.. see me as the same Dan Heng you know. But I never blamed you. I get it, it's weird for someone to come back and look like someone else-"

"No! It's not weird- You aren't weird." It was your turn to stop him a little too eagerly. "Youre an amazing person and everyone knows that. Especially me.. well, I think. The others probably know you better than I do.. but I'd like to know more about you. So, so much more."

"You do."

"I do."

You two looked at eachother for a second, not breaking eye contact. In the middle of the day, you were sure you both wouldn't have that kind of courage. But at about 4 AM, I guess even your brains turned into mush. A guilty one too, it seems.

"With what would you like to start, then?" He broke the silence with a more than bold statement, as you saw it.

"What?"

"With what would you like to start? You said you wanted to know me better. Then what would you like to know?"

"Oh, there are a lot of things, I can't just pick one..." "Then I'll start. I'm Dan Heng, and..." he pauses, clearing his throat as if trying to gain courage, his cheeks turning darker than rosy. "..and I like you."

Seeing your shocked expression, he tried his best to suppress a smile. "I mean it." Even though the words came out a little stuttered, they still, in fact, impressed you.

"Dan heng, I.. dont even know what to say..

"If you dont feel the same it's okay."

"No, I mea-"

"And even if you do but are not ready for a relationship, it's also okay."

"I wanted t-"

"And if you won't want to ever talk again I-"

"Dan Heng!" You interrupted him, your tone slightly amused. You never knew he could talk so much. "I like you too."

His eyes widened as he opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it as if nothing came out. You lean in to give him a kiss on the forehead, to which he responds by gently cupping your face and kissing you. All living beings froze around you, and all the air seemed to have gotten stuck in your lungs. It felt like your lips were meant to be there. Like life can finally continue because two halves found eachother again.

When you had to pull away for air, you smiled, he smiled. The course of life started again. Flowers were blooming, the Sun was shining. All leaves were green again, or atleast that's how it felt for both of you. And why stop nature? If it's fueled by kisses, then don't mind if you do.

It never felt so right to be next to someone. It never was so amazing to know you are loved and cared for, however you might look. Not all halves match perfectly, but you two do. And that's why being beside you feels so right.

#honkai star rail #hsr x reader #dan heng × gn reader #dan heng #hsr fluff #star rail #honkai fanfic #fanfiction #writers on tumblr #hsr #writeblr #writing

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 months

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As an aroace I always wondered how it feels to be "in love" and how I realize if I am in love. I never had been or just didn't realized it but it happened that people started to tell me I would be and when I tried dating I realized pretty fast this wasn't the case and I was just feeling uncomfortable.

Since then I've been asking myself how do I know? Everytime I try to google how it feels like I just find how it feels for people who aren't on the a-spec. This is starting to drive me crazy. Especially because I'm almost 30 and everyone starts to tell me how I have to hurry and find a partner otherwise my life will be miserable because I don't have a partner and children. But what if I don't want that?

Right now I'm only putting so much preassure on myself because I'm scared of being alone later on even if I know I don't need or want such a relationship. For me it would be more than enough to live in a platonic houshold like a shared flat. All that is important for me is to have people around with whom I can talk to and spend some time with but also hide in my room alone if needed.

Yeah I don't want to live completely alone but I also don't want such a relationship and most of all I don't want kids. Just give me friends I can move in with and I'm happy.

Thinking about living with someone and have to spend 24/7 with them makes me feel so uncomfortable. I need my own space, my own room where I can go to for some me-time. I don't want to share EVERYTHING with another person and have no place to be able to retreat every now and then. It already makes me so uncomfortable when I see my parents and thinking about that this apparently is supposed to be my future. They have not a single room to themself, they have to share their bedroom, the living room, just everything and always have to make compromises how they want to set up the rooms and do stuff.

Don't get me wrong. I'm fine with doing that but again give me at least one room that's only mine and where I can do whatever and how ever I want to do things without taking another person into account and asking if this is okay with them. And I also want to make my own plans without having to ask another person first if it's okay all the time.

Sorry for the long text I just needed to rant because this bothers me for years now and it just don't seem to get better but worse and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this problem.

In love can mean different things to different people, and it can feel differently too. I would say anyone or anything you care deeply about you can consider yourself to be in love, but this is also a term you can define for yourself. Being in love is also not something you have to experience or you have to want, some people never feel like they're in love, and that's OK too. I always feel like that ability to choose and define things for ourselves is a big part of the a-spec experience. And it can make things more difficult, but it can also be more fulfilling in the long run.

Not finding a partner by a certain age doesn't mean you're destined to be lonely or miserable. And some of the things you mention like wanting your own room/space or liking the idea of living with friends are definitely things I've heard other aros say they like too. This isn't an impossible situation, though it does involve finding your people, but people who want similar things do exist.

It sounds like you've been under a lot of pressure to fit a certain mold, or live your life a certain way. That can definitely be difficult, but know you're not alone. And that you're allowed to live your life in whatever way you feel works for you.

All the best, Anon! Take care!

#vent post

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aromantic-diaries · 5 months

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I just realized because of your post that I don't understand how people can hear about other people's experiences and then know they're a specific label. Because that never happened to me. It was always like: I read the definition of the label. Sometime later I'm like "wait, that could be me". I analyse my life. I realize I'm that label. I mean I also don't understand why people compare their life to other people's lives, so that could be connected. But idk.

Okay lemme explain what I meant. A personal example is that when JaidenAnimations released her coming out video a while back and I watched it I related to a lot of stuff she talked about in regards to being aromantic and even before that I saw posts by other aromantic and asexual people talking about stuff they experience and I happened to relate to those things. Basically seeing others talk about their experiences as something relating to a certain label can help you connect the dots and go "hey I feel like that too, maybe I also fall into this category" which might not immediately make you put that label on yourself but it can make you think things over

And funnily enough I didn't figure out I was aromantic or asexual just by reading the definitions, when I first heard about these labels they did not resonate with me at all, and learning about these things by hearing about other people's experiences made me think about possibly being aro/ace way more than just knowing the definition

#anon #mail time

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cluz1babe · 10 months

Text

I tried to write reader with no comments on size (as in plus size) or the length of hair, in order to be as inclusive I can be with an afab reader. Reader is 18, Eddie is 20. For obvious reasons, Eddie didn’t die. No use of Y/NIf you want to be Tagged for future chapters, send me a message. Please reblog.

Certain Dark Things Are Meant to Be Loved Chapter 1

Warnings: Reader afab, angst, nipple torture/play, oral, p in v, fingering, sort of protected sex, mentions of underage sex

You were average…everything.

How could Eddie possibly know you were alive, let alone want to be with you?

That was, until you attacked the bats that were eating Eddie alive, earning a few bites of your own. After that, everything changed. Suddenly, Eddie started inviting you to parties and offered you weed at one point. All while you started falling in love with him. You always had a crush on him from afar (living in the same trailer park didn’t help), but he was one of the last people you expected to notice you. After all, you were shy and quiet. You hated being so invisible. It wasn’t like those stories you hear about. You weren't the popular one or another nerd like Eddie. It was just the random girl & the Freak.

You had become more attracted to Eddie since you officially met him. You were both seniors together. You had started out as friends with benefits with Steve, but then went back to just being friends when Steve decided he wanted to find romance. This was the type of relationship you had with people, keeping them at a distance and focusing on yourself. You admitted to Eddie that you were previously in a relationship with a guy named Justin, who not only cheated, but made everything about himself. Why Steve ever paid you attention was beyond you. You were so different, but he was immediately drawn to you, when you helped Steve look for a product in the store where you worked. You had been visiting Steve and Robin at Family Video when Dustin and Max came in. After you all fought Vecna, Eddie and you became friends quickly. You bonded over guitar, music, and movies. Then things evolved.

You talked about what you each planned for the future, past relationships (your first kiss was a girl and you liked girls, too), and even about your loss of virginity stories. Eddie was 16 when he lost his in the back of his van. He had been so nervous that the girl had to be on top, taking charge. You lost yours at 16. It was a secret you hadn’t told anyone else. You were a sophomore and the guy was a junior. You were going to a different school then. Eddie bristled. He was already protective over you and he wished he’d known you then, just so he could warn you about this guy. As though it were his place to do such a thing.

To Eddie, you weren’t that random girl anymore. You the one who helped fight demobats to save him before they all fell. Over a few weeks, he saw what he hadn’t before. He saw you. More than that, he saw your beauty, strength, and calmness under pressure. And he wanted you in his life. You babysat Eddie when he tripped on acid, with the promise that you would do it together some day. You watched crappy horror movies, listened to music, and smoked pot. Eddie even taught you a little bit of guitar. Being able to touch you and hold you close, even if it was completely innocent, made him want more.

After about three weeks of hanging out together, you found you had much more in common than just fighting supernatural stuff. Your feelings for each other grew. One night, you went to swim at the Harringtons’ house and that’s where you first kissed, after Eddie asked, of course. “Yes,” you practically yelled. It was enough for Eddie. He took his time, gently caressing your cheek. You leaned in first, bringing your lips within a centimeter of his. He smiled before touching his lips to yours. It was soft and sweet at first, but it quickly turned hungry with all the longing that was built up between them.

“Can I touch you more?” Eddie asked.

You looked around, even though you were both alone, you felt it was better not to. “Not here.” You gave him another quick peck before pulling him to the shallow end and out of the water.

- - - - - - - -

You made it to Eddie’s new trailer (one big enough for another large bedroom) and as soon as the door was closed behind you, his lips were on you again, moving your damp hair out of the way and kissing the back of your neck, his arms wrapped around your waist. You turned to face him. “Can’t even wait till we get to your room?”

“Absolutely not,” he teased as he leaned in to kiss you again.

You giggled, “C’mon.” You pulled him to his room, where you continued kissing. “Now you can touch me.”

He didn’t waste any time. His hands grazed from your sides to your breasts, where he gave them a quick squeeze. You moaned in response, which caused Eddie to chuckle. “You like that?”

You nodded, “I like it rough.”

“Sweetheart, that wasn’t rough.”

“I know, silly. Just thought I’d let you know… I like having my nipples pulled.”

“Really?” Eddie admired your chest as he pulled off your shirt, which was wettish from your wet skin clinging to it. He backed you up to his bed. When you lay down, you pulled him with you. He was between your legs before you knew what to do.

The heat in your belly grew. “Eddie,” it came out as a whisper.

“What?”

“Don’t go catching feelings.” You felt like you had to say it. Something inside you wanted to guard against heartbreak before it could happen. The only way you could do that is by pretending you didn’t already have those feelings. You trusted Eddie, but your experience had led to more than one bad breakup.

With that, he kissed you again, longer and hungrier. It was too late. He already had feelings, but he wanted you so bad. Once you were naked, he spread your legs open and worshipped your skin; the skin of your thighs, especially. “I need you to tell me what you like.”

“I like a lot of things, but I’ve never had an orgasm with a partner.”

This caught Eddie’s attention.

“And even by myself, it takes a toy to get me to cum. I’ve only ever been able to do that with my fingers once.”

“Poor baby.” He felt bad for you, never having a partner who could make you cum. He accepted the challenge with enthusiasm, though. Perhaps these other guys didn’t take the time you needed. Getting to do this with you was something he’d wanted to do for weeks. He even thought about you when he touched himself, imagining you were between his legs, your mouth doing it’s work.

“I still enjoy sex. It feels good.”

“I’m gonna do my best to change this orgasm issue. Tell me more.” He kissed from your neck to your chest, taking a nipple in his mouth and biting the delicate bud just enough to make you moan.

“I like having my clit played with, for starters.”

He moved his fingers to your clit, circling his index finger around the bundle, which caused you to buck your hips forward.

“Tell me what kind of toy you have.” Eddie continued his track of kisses, sucking or biting every now and then.

“It’s called a rabbit. A very good friend sent it to me from Japan. She knows about my problem. It has a shaft and a vibrating clit stimulator.”

“You’ll have to show it to me sometime.” He increased the speed of his finger around your nub. You moaned and arched your back. The sounds you were making were better than he’d imagined. So dirty. So soft. The sight of you was even better. Everything about what was happening was so much better. “How big is the shaft?”

“Three, maybe four fingers. Fingers my size, anyway.”

He moved his fingers to tease your entrance. “I think we’ll start with two.” With that, he plunged his fingers into your slick, warm hole, causing you to moan again. “Do you use it to fuck yourself?”

“Yes.”

His fingers pumped in and out. He pushed in up to his knuckle and hooked his fingers. “Does it reach here?” He was hitting your g-spot perfectly as he played with you.

You gasped and grabbed his arm. “Not that well,” you whimpered.

“Tell me if you want me to change or do anything else.” Eddie immediately bent down and licked your bundle, then he sucked on it.

“Mmm. Yes. Harder.”

He happily complied. Hearing you give him directions caused a heat he’d never felt before to radiate from his chest to his belly, then down to his crotch. He also reached up to pinch and pull at your nipple with his free hand. He wrapped his tongue around your clit and sucked more. He ate you out like it would be the last time he’d ever get to do it.

You nearly screamed. “Oh fuck! What are you doing to me?”It only egged him on. “Eddie,” you moaned.

He lifted his head to look at you. “Hmm?”

The sight of his face, chin wet with your juices, caused a pulsing in your center. “No, don’t stop.” You pushed his head back down to your wet core, your fingers tangling in his hair.

He smirked then continued his work, fucking you with his fingers and teasing, then sucking on your clit, pulling and squeezing hard on your nipple. His hips grinding against the bed, looking for any amount of friction. You played with your other nipple with your free hand. It went on for at least twenty minutes. Eddie was determined to make you cum.

Your hand tugged at his hair a little as you keened and sobbed. “Fuck, Eddie. I’m close.”

He squeezed your nipple harder and a few seconds later, your entire body tensed, then it vibrated as you came on his tongue. He moaned as he tasted your release, but he let go of your nipple and licked your folds. Each time his tongue touched your clit, your body spasmed. You were so sensitive now.

As soon as you came back to your senses, you reached for his bulge, “What about you? Don’t you want me to take care of you?”

“I do,” he groaned. Eddie kissed you and you tasted yourself on his lips. “But I wanna fuck you.”

You smiled wide. “I want you to.”

His hand moved from around your waist, and up to your breast again, giving it a squeeze. The same hand smoothed its way over your abdomen. You nodded, not knowing what else to say. He teased your entrance with the tip of his cock, circling your clit and making your body arch into his. He slipped himself inside of you. He was a little clumsy in his movements, but you didn’t mind. You smiled against his lips and grabbed his hands, relishing in the feeling of him against you. He pushed just the tip in, and you couldn’t take your eyes off of the warm, stiff flesh splitting you in two. He bent his head to catch your attention on his face, but you ignored it for a while, knowing he couldn’t make you look up just yet. You just watched him sink slowly in. You mewled when he buried himself to the hilt, deep in your pussy. Eddie was staring at you, starry eyed, drinking you in as he bit his bottom lip to try to hold his noises in.

Clinging on to his biceps, your fingernails dug into his skin, your hips rolling up to meet his as Eddie thrusted into your heat. He pistoned his hips, changing the angle inside of you, rubbing against your inner sweet spot. You felt his lips devour your neck and jaw. Your eyes couldn’t focus, your hands were shaking. All your brain could focus on was Eddie Munson. You released ecstatic whines and noticed how he breathed, how hot his skin was, how hard he was...

He slid out painfully slow and then hit home. He nipped and kissed at every spot of your skin he had access to, leaving a wet trail. He brought your nipple into his mouth, sucking and biting. You whimpered his name, begging him not to stop what he was doing. "Fuck," he whispered savagely, his breath ghosting against your neck as he tried so hard not to cum too soon. Liquid heat rushed right between your legs as you held on to him and screamed. He felt you clench around him and made a noise of pleasure, drawing out a long, powerful thrust that had every nerve in your body singing.

You repositioned the two of you, having him lay on his back. One hand pressed into his chest, as you rode Eddie quickly, chasing another high with every brush of his cock deep inside you. Eddie’s breathing was short and shallow, grunting out loose, incoherent words. He was rubbing your clit with his fingers. You fisted his hair in response, earning a growl. You bit your lip as his hips bucked quicker. His voice pitched higher as his body worked faster. He was almost there.

“Eddie! Fuck!” When you came, you lost your wits for a moment, which Eddie thought meant that he had to chase his high on his own, but you got off of him, bringing your mouth to his length and licking him up and down.

“I thought you were on birth control.”

“I am, but I want to taste you.” You smiled before you started bobbing your head up and down his length.

“Baby, fuck. You’re fucking amazing. Never thought—“ He was going to say something about his feelings, but you started sucking harder. Within seconds, he was coming undone beneath you. You swallowed every drop of him and he pulled you up to kiss him.

That night, you fell asleep with his arms around you.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #fanfic #reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fic

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go-to-the-mirror · 1 year

Text

Hello, @a-mag-a-day. Apologies for the deception but I rather wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming you're alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldn't try too hard to stop reading; there's every likelihood you'll just hurt yourself. So just listen. Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

Statement of landscaping-your-mind regarding episode 160 of The Magnus Archives.

Statement begins.

So, from all the stuff I scheduled for today you can probably tell I really like episode 160 of The Magnus Archives, right? Like, good lord, it is... it is a time. (Also, the words were really good (and also there's poetry) so :D incentive!)

Firstly, though, I have to say something. It's not the Watcher's Crown. The Watcher's Crown is the ritual Jonah Magnus attempted years ago. This is unnamed in canon, but Jonny said it could've been called The Magnus Archives.

Secondly... I would like to draw your attention towards the description of the youtube version of this episode. (to paraphrase)

The Magnus Archive discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others.

Ahahahahaha AHAHAHAAHAHAH WHAT-

I hate this so much. Like, with a burning passion. "The Magnus Archives discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others" COME TO MY HOME AND KILL ME YOU COWARD! It just hurts, it just... hurts.

He can escape London, but he can't escape his ✨ purpose ✨

You ever think about how The Magnus Archives follows the story of Magnus' Archive? I do. A lot. I haven't even started listening yet, god, this episode am I right?

MARTIN (Joking) Or, (huffed laugh) or it is, and she just cleaned it up really well. (They both make uncomfortable chuckles) ARCHIVIST …Yes. (The Archivist makes an uneasy noise)

THEYRE BOTH SO AWKWARD THEY HAVEN'T TALKED TO A NORMAL HUMAN IN OVER A YEAR

Just their really awkward laughter, oh my godd they're so endearing your honour, I'm so glad this episode and TMA ends at the 5 minute mark (< in denial)

ARCHIVIST Hopefully a long way out there. (soft) But I think we’re okay

THEY ARE IN LOVE YOUR HONOUR

I just love how soft Jon's voice gets around Martin, like, like, eeeee i just love them i love them they're the reason im aro bc i know i will never love someone romantically as much as jmart loves each other /j

MARTIN Oh, n-no, not yet. I was actually gonna head down into the village to go pick something up?

Ooooh yay I get to share my "where are they in scotland" headcanons! I think they're near Dunnet, because it's pretty far north and in the Highland area, and it's also got allegedly the only full time gunshop north of Inverness, and... yknow, it is Daisy's safehouse.

ARCHIVIST Anyway, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.

your honour they're lightheartedly teasing each other <3

ARCHIVIST I’ll be fine.

SOFT!

(update im wrtinging with a cat on my lap now hes big. im balancing my computer on my leg.)

MARTIN I assume it’s her attempt at a- a, a varied diet? Eating your greens, you know? ARCHIVIST (Amused) Probably. (reassured) I’m sure it’ll work fine

hhh them <3 it's just like they're so... they're happy. they're so happy, and it's like nothing gold will stay or whatever

they had such a short amount of time

i wish they were ok

MARTIN …I will give you some privacy. Go for a walk. ARCHIVIST (Warmly) Let me know if you see any good cows. MARTIN Obviously I’m going to tell you if I see any good cows.

I'm...

them being happy is almost worse, right. because what once was a surprise we now know will happen, we have to deal with the dread, and it's all bitter now, the happiness is rotten because of what lurks after.

some people can listen to the first five minutes and feel okay, but me?

for me it just hurts.

ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) (Pleasantly) Statement of Hazel Rutter regarding a fire in her childhood home. Original statement given August 9th, 1992. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He sounded so happy... he sounded so happy.

This is the first time he's happy before he reads a statement. He was happy, he was hiding from the police and the hunters and Daisy and Not!Sasha with his boyfriend in Scotland. And then, and then Jonah Magnus comes in and decides to end the world like a bastard.

I don't want to hit play. I don't want to know what comes next. I want to stop listening. I want Jon and Martin to be okay. I want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I just want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I get it, right, horror tragedy! This was the desired effect. I am supposed to be feeling these emotions. These emotions being very sad. Well done to Jonny, lovely writing. Fantastic! I love TMA with my whole heart. I think that it's fantastic. I don't want to hit play though. I'm here for the characters suffering, I got in through The Hermit Archives, I wanted more of the horror! I am here for suffering! I'm here for the suffering. I'm hitting play.

Statement of Jonah Magnus regarding Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He could have just ended the world. Like, the whole... forcing Jon to monologue about all the times he was manipulated into furthering Jonah's plan? That's fucked. That is fucked. Just put the ritual there you slimy piece of shit!

It’s rare that you get the chance to monologue through the voice of another, and you can’t tell me you’re not curious.

*me to my dog, in the "talking to a dog" voice* You wanna kill him too! Hey! You wanna kill him too!

Like, okay, so you're Jon and you're reading this statement and you can't stop, and this bastard says "you can't tell me you're not curious." Tell me that's not going to make him think that if he tried a little harder then he would've been able to stop reading. Tell me that's not going to make him think that a part of him wanted to end the world, and that's why he's still reading. Tell me that's not going to make him blame himself even more.

The only way to ensure I did not suffer the tribulations of what I believed to be an inevitable transformation was to bring it about myself.

He's so bloody arrogant. He puts himself above the entire world. It makes sense, he's from Regency era England, but like, it's still... really awful. Awful person.

Beyond that, I was getting older, and mortality began to weigh more heavily on my mind. How much in this world is done because we fear death, the last and greatest terror?

When I fear death I distract myself, not try to end the world. Like, this guy is just so evil. His only redeeming quality is being funny sometimes.

Everyone dies, Jack Magnet, you just chose to be a bastard about it.

Of course, I had to make sure the location was kept under my control while I worked on revising my plans, and so I moved the organization I had founded to assist in my research down to London, and the Institute as you know it, was born.

Right, so The Magnus Protocol's Magnus Institute was located in Manchester, and I'm not an expert on the geography of the United Kingdom, and basically know nothing about Manchester, bar that it has the... football, I want to say, team Manchester United? I don't know how I know that. But it seems as though Jonah Magnus didn't attempt his ritual, or attempted it some other way in that universe.

You see, the role of Archivist has been part of the Beholding for as far back as my research can go. This isn’t uncommon for the Powers; most of the beliefs around them are guesswork and fallible human interpretation, but there are certain through lines and consistencies that can be spotted, regardless of the trappings.

I wonder what the others are. The Dancer could be one - The Dancer in The Unknowing. I think Jonny said in a QnA, but you know, the author is dead, he's speaking to us posthumously, that The Architect could have been one. Not sure what others. If y'all have any ideas... 👀

More than once I thought she must secretly be of the Hunt; but there was never that sick joy in her, that thrill of predator and prey. She had simply decided that this was her position in life, and went about it with a practicality that even I found disconcerting at times.

Ok, Mr. Jonah "orchestrates twelve traumatising events for this one guy and gets him to end the world" Magnus. He cannot talk, he cannot talk at all. Sure, she sacrificed people, but she wasn't malicious. She did it for a cause. Did she believe she was good? I'm not sure she cared.

Jonah Magnus is just awful for his own self gain.

You see, the thing about the Fears is that they can never be truly separated from each other. When does the fear of sudden violence transition into the panic of hunted prey? When does the mask of the Stranger become the deception of the Spiral? Even those that seem to exist in direct opposition rely on each other for their definition as much as up relies on down. To try and create a world with only the Buried makes as much sense as trying to conceive a world with only down.

Gerry's colour explanation makes a lot of sense if you don't conceive of it as a traditional colour wheel. They're growing out in every direction, they all overlap with each other.

Sure, the fear of The Eye may seem in direct opposition to the fear of The Stranger, but let's take Jon, for instance. Is it not sort of Stranger to have some guy in a coffee shop staring at you with his autistic eyes, a person you don't know, but who definitely knows you?

What about the fear of The Buried and the fear of The Vast. Episode 195 covers that pretty handily. They're all interconnected with all of the others. Separating them makes them easier to understand (and invertedly makes them actually separated), but it isn't them, not truly. They are connected intrinsically.

Even the coffin! The fear of being alone in the dark is a part of the coffin.

Because the thing about the Archivist is that, well, it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named: The Archive. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon. You are a record of fear, both in mind as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement, and in body as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. The Archivist is something... defined by how they feed their patron, but The Archive is defined by how they've been hurt to bring it into the world. He's not defined by even a person-like role, he's something molded by Jonah Magnus' desires to end the world.

I wrote a little poem about it, which I shall share here, because I am cringe but I am free, unlike Jon. RIP

He's not a person with a name, He's a vessel of destruction, He's not a person who feels pain, It's necessary for production, That he's scarred and marked, By things that lurk in the dark, Believe himself useless, Or it'll be fruitless, And at the end of the day, He's no person, no name, He's a plan that has come to fruition.

Also, he calls himself The Archivist, perhaps viewing himself as... something that hurts others, rather than something that is hurt for a purpose.

I’ll admit, my options were somewhat limited, but my god, when you came to me already marked by the Web, I knew it had to be you. I even held out some small hope you had been sent by the Spider as a sort of implicit blessing on my whole project and, do you know what, I think it was.

"I chose you" "I'll admit, my options were somewhat limited" Mr. Magnet, he was chosen by the web. Jonah's just not afraid to be puppeted.

So, when Jane Prentiss attacked, I watched eagerly, one hand on the gas release from the start.

This line fucked me up. "One hand on the gas release from the start." Just... like it just sticks in my mind. How he held all their lives in the palm of his hand, how he let Sasha die, and Tim get eaten by worms, because he wanted his bloody perfect Archive.

One hand on the gas release from the start, while all of them almost - or did - die(d).

Like, what gets me is how fucked up Jon was afterwards, how he was asking everyone for their statements, shutting them up before they got to the part where they'd mention Jon and Tim getting eaten with worms. What gets me is how Elias was there and Jon was what, looked like a bloody mummy! He didn't have second thoughts when he saw...

He knew everything. He saw everything. He saw how fucked up Jon was over e v e r y t h i n g. (everything)

That's what gets me.

Between the stabbing and at least two desperate flights into its door, you’re marked very deep by the Spiral.

And, you know, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the betrayal. I saw an interesting post on this, but I can't seem to find it. I'll look in the posts I've rbed tagged TMA meta, I'll link it in a reblog if I find it.

Honestly, I had nothing to do with Melanie and her Slaughter adventure, but when I saw the situation, I made sure to trap her here, so whenever her rage bubbled over you were right there, a ready target.

You know after Jon's second kidnapping that could have totally been resolved how Jonah made Jon stand in front of Melanie while she wanted to kill Jonah with a knife, and how it's like oh, right, yeah, use Jon as a bloody meat shield to get her angry at him, make him the scapegoat, that was intentional. It was intentional to destroy everyone in the Archives' interpersonal relationships, and then have Jon. A ready target for hatred and vitriol.

How is Martin, by the way? He looks well. You will keep an eye on him when all this is over, won’t you? He’s earned that.

I think that Jonah Magnus should eat shit and die.

The power of the Ceaseless Watcher flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

If you replace the Ceaseless Watcher with Determination then it reads like an Undertale save.

* The power of Determination flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

Don’t worry, Jon. You’ll get used to it here, in the world that we have made.

This also ties in with the above, I hate that he says "our victory" "the world that we have made." Jon didn't consent to this, Jon didn't want this, Jon was made to be an unwilling conduit of the apocolypse and Jonah Magnus is insinuating that he chose it, the victim blaming little prick!

You who watch and know and understand none. You who listen and hear and will not comprehend. You who wait and wait and drink in all that is not yours by right. Come to us in your wholeness. Come to us in your perfection. Bring all that is fear and all that is terror and all that is the awful dread that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and bleeds and dies! Come to us. I OPEN THE DOOR!

GREAT INCANTATION! 10/10! And it's actually recitable, unlike the TBI one.

ARCHIVIST Look at the sky, Martin. Look at the sky. It’s looking back.

That is a fucking fantastic final line of the episode. All of it, four seasons leading up to this moment. Look at the sky. It's looking back.

Fuck dude!

(The Archivist begins a fractured, delirious, humourless, laugh that does not end)

That laugh.

That laugh is just... haunting. I love it so much. It makes me want to cry. I used to have it saved on my phone and I'd just listen to it over and over and over again and get more and more disturbed and heartbroken.

That laugh. That broken, horrific laugh.

I can't get over it.

And thus ends season 4 of The Magnus Archives. With a broken laugh in front of a window, leading out to the doomed world.

Episode 160 is quite possibly my favourite metaplot episode of The Magnus Archives, the way the whole plan was revealed, the awful manipulations that were exposed... that laugh.

I leave you all to think on this. To think on the Archive née the Archivist née Jonathan Sims, laughing at the world he has unwillingly and unwittingly doomed.

Goodnight, a-mag-a-day, goodnight. /ref

#tma #tma meta #the magnus archives #the magnus archives meta #mag 160 #jonah magnus #jonathan sims #elias bouchard #tma spoilers #tma s4 spoilers #a mag a day #i am so abnormal about this episode you do not even know #well i think you do now-#landscaping your mind chapter one

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aroaceconfessions · 1 year

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I've seen people complain about missing out on "human experiences" and smiliar. So I wanted to come with some hopefully uplifting words.

I just want to say there are so many things in life you're missing out on. It's not specific to romance and attraction.

Have you ever made a snowman? Not everyone has but it's extremely common(well, depending on where you live lol). Have you gotten a paper cut? Most people have, but maybe not all I don't know actually. Do you eat food every day? Most people do, but some fast and stuff. Have you drank alcohol? Most people have/will, but not all. Have you walked a dog? A lot of people have, but not all. Have you seen titanic? Most people have (it's the most watched movie), but not all. I could go on.

Point is, there are a lot of shared experiences that not everyone does. So if you feel like there's this one thing that's hindering you from living "the human experience" remember this.

While it can be nice to talk about what you feel bad about, remember to also immerse yourself in positive content. On the internet you have the option to surround yourself with aros and aces who talk about how cool you are because of your identity and all of your shared, and varied experiences.

Remember that there are people like you, and that all of our experiences are human experiences to be celebrated. Of course not the aphobia and heteronormativity and that, but us as people. People who don't experience attraction or experience it rarely or only under very specific circumstances.

Read the aze journal, look through the aro and ace tags and blogs on tumblr. Go to the subreddits. Watch aro and ace YouTubers and TikTokers. Read aro and ace books and comics. Watch aro and ace series and films.

Here's a link to a spreadsheet of media with aspec rep. Everything from book to film to video games to tabletop RPGs:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/1/d/1hQIctw1ArXt8rfGJwlYlbJbdmEDyXwZKTdnHYQR6SNM/htmlview#

link

#representation #amatonormativity #aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #aphobia #heteronormativity

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platonic-qpr-selfshipping · 7 months

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hii! could i maybe get found family headcanons for zhongli as a father figure or xiao as a brother figure? (s/i is like the travelers companion/sidekick, if it matters)

thank you, you’re doing the gods work as an aro selfship writer <33

omgg I'm happy to write this! I also see Zhongli as a father figure and Xiao is one of my fav characters so this will be comforting to write about. and yes, the details about the s/i help a lot, actually! thank you so much for this request!

Zhongli as your father figure + Xiao as your brother figure

¡! s/i is Traveler's sidekick

Zhongli

He was thankful of how both Traveler and you were helping in Liyue, defeating enemies and helping citizens in daily life stuff, so he got used to the sight of your little group wandering around. If you agreed to accompany him when he asked, he'd smile and thank you for your asistence.

So be prepared. He's gonna drag you through several shops, infodump about history of cuisine and architecture and maybe even buy some toys made for kids that caught his attention because he "had never seen anything like that before". It usually gets to a point where Traveler leaves you alone with him and he ends up handing said toys to you as a gift.

Somehow, when he's walking around with you he feels the peace of having a young person beside him that will listen to his words and continue living with them in their heart. So he becomes even more interested in commenting random facts with you, as well as asking about your opinion and smile when his stories bring you memories of your own experiences.

That would make him a great listener. Even though Paimon would find it hard to believe that Zhongli would so attentively listen to someone talk about trivial matters, you found yourself going to him for advice over time. It just happened, and he prioritizes your wellbeing over anything else when putting his thoughts into words in his answers.

Taken how your friend seems to have had their life influenced by the war thousands of years ago, he may feel like he could have done better for you, that the person he was in the past doesn't deserve the admiration you seem to feel towards him in the present.

Therefore he would try his best to help you on your adventure with anything he can. The Traveler and Paimon will easily notice it: how he sometimes appears out of nowhere when you get yourselves into trouble, the invitations to dinner after some days out of the city, receiving some gifts and advice from him from time to time... Paimon will joke that they have your father's protection in this quest.

But Traveler needs to go to another nation no matter how nice your stay in Liyue could have been, and seeing you go leaves him with a bittersweet feeling. He's proud to see you'll visit new places as you wish to, but at the same time it's like an important presence in his days is going away. In any case, he'll say goodbye with a smile and a hug if you'd let him.

He would secretly give you some food for your trip to the next nation. Food from Liyue, of course, incluiding some of the new favorite meals you found while visiting restaurants with him. And if you need to ever write to him to continue receiving his advice and support, he'll be more than happy to answer.

Xiao

Your first meeting was probably sort of awkward. If you had told him back then that he would end up wanting to protect you as if you were family to him, he wouldn't had believed you. How fool of him.

You start to appear in his life rather often because of missions, requests and any other necessary affairs the Traveler lends you. At first it was because of the convenience to split up the work, but they slowly start to realise that Xiao's easier to convince when you are the one who goes to him for help.

Maybe it was in the way you talked, in the anecdotes you tried to mention during your silences together or the way you always waved goodbye only to make, once again, the effort to go up the mountain the day after. He started to seriously wonder and even worry about about your days, so he once offered to walk you to Liyue himself.

In the way back, your curiosity about the unknown nation got the best of you and Xiao started to answer some of your many questions. Teaching you the uses of some flowers and giving you instructions to get to specific mountains, especially the ones with the most snow during winter. When he realised what he was doing, he had already spoken much more than he had expected to. Not that it was a lot, but enough to surprise him.

So when you got busier with the Traveler and Paimon, he started to wonder when you'd go see him again. Just as if he expected your human presence and enjoyment to accompany him at least for part of the day, to show you his favorite tofu and hear about what you had been up to.

He decides to stay a bit closer to Liyue for some time, and one of those nights he finds you wandering around. The situation you were dealing with at the city could have started to feel overwhelming because of how importantant it was, and he doesn't think it twice before approaching you after seeing you in this state.

Were you hurt? Had something happened? Was what he last gave you not enough for the request you had to fulfill? He may sound a bit harsh when trying to know what he has to deal with, but it's just that he hates to see you hurting when he's right there and willing to stop it.

Would quietly listen to you if you ask him to do so. He'll feel fulfilled knowing that he is helping somehow. Because he feels as if you were part of him now, and your wellbeing is a new motivation for him to continue fighting for every day. If your adventure continues, then his must too as you are like siblings sharing this path in life.

#f/o community #self shipping #self ship community #self ship #f/o #selfship #f/o headcanons #parental f/o #father figure f/o #brother figure f/o #sibling f/o #genshin impact #zhongli #xiao

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clonerightsagenda · 9 months

Text

Author's notes for Sick aka I ramble about my complex Disability Feelings

When you're sick, especially given the dominance of the medical model of disability, it's easy to view your body as a separate adversary, and this scenario takes it to the extreme of completely removing yourself from your body. I've talked before on this blog about my complicated feelings on magic disability cures - I don't like them in fiction; I'd like one myself in real life - and this is me contemplating 'what if'?

I do not like being sick. It is painful, time-consuming, expensive, and frequently embarrassing. I wish it had not happened to me. But being disabled is now a major part of my identity and experience - it's probably the first label I would list when thinking about the different facets that impact my life. Being disabled has made me more aware of disability justice issues and changed the way I relate to and rely on other people. In some ways that sucks - it's progressively taken over what I eat, where I work, where I live (which I also take to the extreme in this story with ambiguously literal possession) - but in other ways, I think the disability community often has a much better worldview than mainstream America. I'm glad I've become more aware of some of those perspectives and issues. And because disability has shaped so much of my life for the past... six? years, for good and for ill, it's hard for me to conceive of what my life would be like without it. How would I think about myself? What would I do? This is my new normal, like it or not. I don't remember what it's like to make a fist painlessly.

An added wrinkle is that autoimmunity is my body Trying Its Best. I make a lot of jokes about my body trying to kill me because that's how it shakes out (please, little guys in my blood, stop eating my bones) but autoimmunity is a trauma response. My body got clobbered by so many outside poisons that it can't recognize what a real threat is anymore. It's trying to protect me and doing a terrible job. It's another place where you can look at your body as an external adversary versus a system that your mind is also a part of. But also no matter how you look at it, I am still sick.

There's also some stuff in the piece about the helplessness that comes from being sick which (surprise!) I also have mixed feelings about. Because it sucks not having control over your body! I want to be supervising that shit. But also... I don't know how common this is, but there is a weird kind of comfort in being tucked in bed with someone else taking care of me. I even find going into surgery oddly relaxing because for a while my life will be someone else's problem.

At the same time I also worry that I'm using disability as an excuse. Am I begging off attending something because I really am tired or worried about exposure/overwork or do I just not want to go?

Finally we have Aro Angst because that's always on my mind. And it's extra on my mind in the context of disability because what if I get to the point where I can't take care of myself anymore? I don't have a romantic partner to help me or to provide health insurance if I can't work. I live near my parents and have passed up job opportunities that would take me further away. Most specifically for this story, even I find myself sometimes falling into the trap of assuming the ultimate endstate of closeness/intimacy would be romantic/sexual bc of cultural conditioning. It's annoying! So the character (Dani, I named her Danielle in a reference to the Daniel/the cooler Daniel meme) is still seeking the community, care, and closeness she experienced as part of the disabled community, and the messier weirder intimacy of feeling connected to her own body, but she's struggling with interpreting that through cultural norms of amatonormativity. Sometimes 'I want to be inside you/I want you inside me' is, shockingly, not a sex thing. Hence, toxic nonhorny clone makeouts. I guess???

Side note: I've mentioned this wrt pieces I've written with aromanticism that follow a similar pattern of taking something I am at least not too consciously dramatic about and making the MC a pathetic wet cat about it. I guess they are serving the purpose of Everyman in a medieval morality play here. They are crash test dummies I am flinging at walls to count the cracks. Not great character writing but that's not what this is about rn.

#kat writes #chronic illness blogging

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askanaroace · 2 months

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Hi,

I have been questioning if I am asexual. And I have done some reading and I listened to few podcasts and I think I got confirmation that I am asexual. The problem is that now I also question if I am aromantic. Like everyone says "lack of romantic attraction" but I am not sure how to understand that?

I am not sure if I want to kiss my boyfriend/go on romantic date because I am romantically attracted by him or because I think that is normal thing to do./something I should do. Not sure if it makes sense, sorry.

So could you please tell me how you decided to label yourself as aro? Or explain how you define the romantic attraction? Thank you!

Hey, anon!

I have a quite a bit of stuff in my aro 101 tag I think you'd be very interested in that goes over various tips and tricks for the questioning aro.

And I've gone over my own aro journey here (including some feelings descriptions), but as a caedromantic, I'm not sure it's something that's super helpful to that many aros.

But the crux of it - the part I think that is most helpful to you or generally anybody questioning - is this: labels are about feelings, not about some objectively provable fact. I identified as aro because I wanted to. I identified as aro because it made me feel good. I identified as aro because it made sense to me. I can't prove I'm aro. There is no test or diagnostic. I am aro because that's how I chose to identify myself.

I think you are definitely asking yourself some good questions! "Do I want to kiss/date him in a romantic way? A platonic way? A societally compliant way?" "Do I even want to kiss him at all?" Are great questions to explore! And it's okay to not know the answer right away. This is really confusing stuff that there is no objective answer to and no good explanation on what it feels like for everyone. Truthfully, it doesn't feel the same way to everyone, but when your experience largely lines up with what you're seeing around you in other people's relationships and in media, it's pretty easy to just make the connection and go "ooooooh, this is what people were talking about". And, unfortunately, when your experience doesn't exactly line up, it can just be a mess trying to sort out your feelings and your relationship to these expectations of how you should feel/act.

The expected way for people to feel is pretty narrow. A lot of people who technically fall outside of that may decide to identify within that for a lot of reasons, including: it's easier, they don't realize there's another option, or they don't feel strongly enough about identifying otherwise to do so. But anybody is welcome to identify outside the default, and not feeling like you fit in with everybody else is, at the base of it, why most of us do identify in some other way than "cis and straight".

I bring this up because while I think it's good and helpful and healthy for people to introspect on their feelings, for most allos, they never feel the need to because their experience matches up with what they're seeing around them. Romantic attraction doesn't have one specific feeling, but it is different enough from what you feel platonically everyday that it's just evident it's not your everyday experience you feel for most people. If it's not clear for you and you have to think about it - well, chances are that you may get a lot out of specifically labeling that, even if just to yourself.

I think one of the great first steps is letting yourself identify as aromantic for a while. You don't have to know before labeling. Part of identity is exploring and experimenting. If you think of yourself and your feelings as aromantic for a while, how does that feel? Is it comforting? Familiar? Safe? Less confusing? Intriguing?

Also, crossing out things you don't like or want is just as, if not more, useful than figuring out things you do like/want/feel. So don't discount that as part of your journey!

Aromanticism doesn't have nearly as many good resources as asexuality is beginning to have, but here's some other resources you might check out for further exploring and knowledge:

AUREA

Ace and Aro Journeys book

Hopeless Aromantic book

Aces and Aros

Good luck!

#aromantic #aro #aro spectrum #questioning #ask #anonymous

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thiefofcrows · 3 months

Text

PERSONALS, DO NOT INTERACT.

I been meaning to write a post about this for quite a while, so —

As anyone who's read my carrd or written closely with me knows, I portray Kaz as being demisexual / demiromantic. I do want to make it clear that it is not some kind of result of his trauma whatsoever. I've seen people put up a fight about it, as if Kaz being on the ace/aro spectrum automatically implies that and .... I think that's a terrible take. Not only that, but you can 1000% tell the people who make a fuss about it ( the people I see are in pinterest comments and stuff ) are not only not ace or aro, but they have no idea how either of those things actually work, given there's a broad spectrum. They're like 'If he doesn't show absolutely zero interest in anything relating to romance or sex, then he's not ace!' ... and ... That's Now How That Works, BUT. I digress ... :))

My flavor of ace is a bit different than Kaz's, but regardless, the reason I portray him this way is because, as an ace person, I deeply recognize and identify with the way he thinks about and experiences desire. And, experiencing flashes of desire doesn't mean he isn't ace - people use that argument a lot, with this bit here ( from Cr.ooked Kingdom pg 415 ):

But feeling fleeting flashes of desire is Very Different than seeing a person you find attractive and actively wanting to have sex with them regardless of whether you know them or not, which is what traditional sexual attraction is ( and LET ME TELL YOU ... figuring that out was the most wait THAT'S REALLY HOW PEOPLE THINK?? moment, I stg. I deadass thought people were exaggerating, but a lot of people Are Not! ). It doesn't come in flashes, it washes over you like a wave and stays there. Not to mention 'he knew what he was expected to say, the things he was supposed to want.' ... I have had that thought so many times in my life and every ace person I've ever talked to has as well, and I know a lot of them.

The way Kaz pines after Inej in his inner monologue is ace coded as hell, too. The things he finds beautiful or alluring about her aren't anywhere near sexual in nature. He mentions her laugh, her eyes, her hair, and of course who she is as a person, traits like her bravery and the way she manages to seek the good in the world, despite how bleak a situation is. While the sexual attraction is absolutely hinted at as well near the end of CK, the rest of this is all romantic attraction and both were built over years of establishing trust and a bond between each other - and with the way it's written, it's clear imo that it would still be the same case even without the Trauma. It wouldn't take as long, of course, but he wouldn't feel those things about her instantly, he would have to get to know her and bond with her first before any attraction emerged. Demisexual and Demiromantic is literally doesn't feel attraction without the presence of a deep bond.

People also talk about how Kaz must have been attracted to Inej instantly because he convinced Per Haskell to pay off Inej's indenture a day after she spoke to him. HOWEVER ... I guess let's completely disregard the fact that he's fifteen, which is a year after he broke his leg, where he's been working on crafting a specific legend around himself re: his cane and his injury to protect himself. It's safe to say that someone hadn't snuck up on Kaz since he was maybe twelve or so, as that's when he joined the Dregs.

Imagine you've crafted this armor from consistent trauma around yourself to prevent getting taken off guard, because that is something that can kill you and has almost killed you .... and then this girl suddenly just appears next to you and you didn't notice. This girl could've literally driven a dagger through your ribs and you wouldn't have noticed her until it was too late. Imagine realizing that, if you didn't get her out of this place, she would go to someone else and they would recruit her. Pekka Rollins could recruit her. And then, one of your enemies has a means to sneak up on you undetected at literally any point. The amount of sheer terror she likely instilled in him in that moment, like ... yikes. Kaz is Like This because it is what has kept him alive in the Barrel.

Like .... yeah, in that circumstance, I would've allied with her the very next day too lmao. Kaz is far too focused on trying to survive to even think about that shit, but note that he never mentions feeling any immediate attraction to her whatsoever. He stayed awake that night trying to solve the puzzle of how tf she was able to sneak up on him with bells around her ankles. He wasn't laying there thinking about how pretty she was lol.

ANYWAYS ... I ended up rambling but tldr; Kaz is demisexual/demiromantic. It's illustrated clearly in the books by his actions and inner monologue, it has nothing do with his trauma. I 1000% think it's canon and I'll happily die on this hill, kthxbye.

#a good magician wasn't much different from a proper thief. ( 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘. )#sorry if I sound salty but MAN ... a couple years of seeing that shit in every single post on pinterest #that even SUGGESTS that Kaz and/or Inej is ace/aro ... the salt has been accumulating for a while lmao #kaz several times throughout the books @ allosexual people: I just Don't Get It but w/e I got more important things to worry about #lmao

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weskerssunglasses · 2 years

Note

Can I request nsfw alphabet for Nikolai pretty please c:

Ofc 😩 I was waiting for a Nikolai ask 👀

Rating: 18+

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Honestly... aftercare really isnt his thing. Like he'll make sure you're okay and all, but if you want specific aftercare things you'll have to directly tell him. He's pretty emotionally stunted though and thinks overt affection after sex is silly, so he may tease you depending on what you ask for.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Favorite part of him: His eyes. Part of why he's such a convincing liar in his job is because of his stupid little doe eyes.

Favorite part of you: Your hips/stomach, especially if you're on the thicc side.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Likes finishing in your mouth the most. One, it's a power/control thing, and two he just thinks it's hot when you choke on it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Hmmm... Nikolai doesn't really have a "Dirty Secret" per se (we all know he's a dirty old bastard) but a fantasy of his he tries to keep quiet about is making a sex tape.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's pretty experienced. The more into his mercenary work the less time he had for... private endeavours, so he may be a little rusty but he definitely knows what he's doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Anything that has him on top and in control; I think he'd be most interested in doggy style.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Definitely more serious. Especially since he's into some particularly sketchy stuff, he's gotta take most of it seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps it clean and all but doesn't really groom down there unless you really want him to. Tbh he's probably got some notion in his head that grooming down there is a "girly" thing 💀

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

....c'mon. It's Nikolai. I think the only time he'd be "sappy" during sex is if it's after you almost died/got seriously hurt.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Surprisingly doesn't do it much? Like yeah, sure, he's got needs and all but his sex drive when alone is pretty low. (He isn't opposed to being watched by you tho 👀 Do what you will with that information)

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Anything that involves giving pain/making you bleed (unrelated but please please please someone request a knife kink thing with krauser)

hhhj likes being called sir imo

Tbh its pretty broad; like he's down to try most things as long as he can remain in charge

Try to handcuff him to the headboard while he's distracted and get your revenge tho 🙏

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Home (obv)

Phone sex in risky areas

Not above pulling you into a dark alley to have some fun

Shower, though it's kind of a fall hazard

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Lingerie and dirty talk mostly. It's not hard to get him riled up, so showing a little skin and teasing him a bit is a surefire way to get his time to yourself.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Things that take far too long to set up safely, like suspension, latex (but that's mostly because he can't stand the feeling of it), complicated bondage, etc. He's also turned off by the whole catgirl/catboy thing. If he finds you with a pair of cat ears on he's gonna laugh at you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Prefers receiving. His whole thing is power and control and there is just something so perfect about being able to grab your hair and make you please him how he wants. Don't expect him to go easy on you either; if you can still comfortably talk afterwards he did something wrong.

As far as giving, he will, but he doesn't prefer it. However, he does secretly like having your thighs squeeze around his head and neck; he'd never admit it though.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Nikolai definitely doesn't like being gentle. Like.. he can. He just doesn't prefer it, so he's pretty rough and aggressive. beat that pussy up!!

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He's not a fan. He likes to get mean and draw it out, so quickies aren't really something he entertains. If you're both really busy though he's down for a few; just make sure you're ready for your next session being extra long.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He likes a reasonable amount of risk. Like he wont do anything in a relatively public setting, but an alley or deserted bathroom is up for grabs. He's also totally down to experiment, you just have to ask.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can go for pretty long, but it varies on how tired and/or motivated he is. If he's raring to go you're gonna be in for a couple good rounds 👀

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He's not really a fan of toys. He's worried a vibrator would upstage him 🤧

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh god he's evil. At baseline he likes making you squirm and beg before he actually pleases you, and god help you if you've caught an attitude towards him.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Aside from dirty talk, he doesn't make much noise until he's cumming. He lets out this deep growls that are just,, 🤤

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He likes to shove his face in your neck or shoulder and digs his nails into your hips when he finishes 😳

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

[I'm leaving out x because these kind of descriptions make me cringe i'm sorry]

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not very high naturally but he gets enticed easily. Nice lingerie has him going feral, especially if it highlights your softer spots.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Literally he makes sure you're good and passes tf out...

#some of these repeat because I wrote them out of order lmao #resident evil x reader #resident evil #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil ask blog #anon ask #nicholai zinoviev x reader #nikolai zinoviev x reader #nicholai ginovaef #nikolai zinoviev #is it nikolai or nicholai???#nikolai resident evil #nicholai resident evil

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