#the way I could have my Fox moment and then immediately fall back into Charlie’s arms. that’s really unique | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sparksinger · 1 year

Text

new ficcage incoming

so i got sad and wrote a fic!

as usual, it's optimus prime & cordelia (my oc).

title: sound the bugle

summary:

. . “When have you been at your strongest?" asked the boy.

"When I have dared to show my weakness.”

― Charlie Mackesy, The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse / The Art of Happiness . . It is okay to show your strength by bearing your weaknesses.

Post DOTM fic. . .

word count: 11-12k

fandom: transformers bayverse

trigger warnings: implied/referenced suicide attempt, mention of scientific research on robotic cadavers, depression

additonal notes:

. . This fic just came into my head this week. I've been sat at my laptop solidly for two days trying to get this down. I think it is one of the most emotionally raw fics I have ever written. I have really been struggling with my own mental health at the moment and I am currently in a really dark place.

Part of me has also always wondered at how Optimus dealt with the betrayal of his mentor and the deaths of his friends after the events of DOTM.

I like to think that Cordelia would always be there to help him through. My aim for their relationship is to be as if it COULD be happening off-screen. . .

links: ao3 // ff.net

and here it is below a cut if you can't be bothered to go to the sites :)

“I'm a soldier Wounded so I must give up the fight There's nothing more for me, lead me away Or leave me lying here”

--Bryan Adams, ‘Sound the Bugle’

There was a sense of unease on the bridge running over the Chicago River.

The Autobots had and NEST had relocated to the temporary base of operations after the recent events and battle in Chicago. Their disguised ‘Health and Human Services’ home base was now a pile of rubble, twisted metal and broken dreams.

Cordelia quietly observed Optimus Prime as he oversaw the removal of his Autobot comrades from the devastated city. He was always in the centre of operations, cradling the bodies of his fallen Autobot soldiers as tenderly as a mother would her newborn baby.

It had been a number of months since the Decepticon invasion and Sentinel Prime’s betrayal.

Most of the Cybertronian evidence had been removed from the city and Cordelia never ceased to be amazed by how gullible the world’s media seemed to be.

This time, the destruction was blamed on a military training exercise that had gone drastically wrong. Cordelia thought privately that the American government’s efforts to hush everything up were a complete and utter waste of everybody’s time.

A deep sadness tugged at her heart as she watched Optimus load the bodies of his friends into the shipping containers, in preparation for their journey to an ‘undisclosed location’.

Wheeljack.

Sideswipe.

Ironhide.

It was the last Autobot which Optimus had shown the most grief over.

It was all Cordelia could do to watch on silently, tears streaming their way down her freckled face as Optimus held Ironhide’s remains in the cup of his hands.

His thumbs brushed the orange flecks of metal reverently, as if he were holding an ancient and priceless relic.

His great shoulders sagged downwards, buckling underneath the invisible weight that he bore. A weight that seemed to increase with each passing day.

From her vantage point on the DuSable bridge, Cordelia felt like a doll in a giant’s world.

Skyscrapers littered the immediate environment, dominating the landscape with their imposing size and structure.

Even the railings on the bridge itself towered over her, reaching toward the cloudless blue sky.

A flawless mid-October sun sat in the centre of the azure sky, unburdened by the presence of clouds. The temperature sat comfortably in the low teens, although Cordelia was grateful for her plaid blue shacket and red scarf.

She buried her mouth and nose into the soft folds of the woollen scarf around her neck. Not so much because she was cold, more to disguise the tears currently free-falling their way down her face.

She saw Optimus turn his head back towards her. It was such a tiny, infinitesimal movement that nobody else would have noticed it, but they were so attuned to each other that a lot of the time, they did not even need to communicate verbally.

Optimus let air hiss from his hydraulics; a simulation of a sigh. Cordelia watched as he finished conferring with the lead co-ordinator for the day’s operations. The nameless man offered Optimus a salute, which Optimus half-heartedly returned.

Cordelia shifted her weight onto another of her booted feet, which were clad in warm and chunky black biker boots.

Optimus turned then to fully face her, his cerulean optics round and sad. The corners of his mouth were turned down slightly, the mosaic of his facial plating following suit.

It was just after four in the afternoon, and the sun was already beginning its descent into the horizon where the dying sunlight would give way to the evening’s dusk.

Optimus’ armour flashed iridescent in the dying light of the early evening, casting vibrant blues and reds across Cordelia’s field of vision.

She put a hand on the wheel-arch that served as his ankle joint. He turned his gaze downwards to look at her, bathing her in the gentle blue glow of his sapphire optics.

She tilted her head backwards so she could see his face.

She could almost feel the waves of sadness rolling off his massive frame. It wrapped around her body in tendrils, pressing the air from her lungs.

After a second’s hesitation, Optimus’ body folded in on itself and a second later, a familiar red and blue Peterbilt 379 stood in front of her, engine idling suspiciously quietly for a truck of its size.

Cordelia automatically approached the passenger side when Optimus clicked the door open.

“Are you ready to return to base little one?” His powerful, sonorous baritone rumbled from the speakers, causing the fine hairs on the back of Cordelia’s neck to stand on end in gentle recognition.

In answer, she placed her foot on the step into the cab, which had lowered for her.

Placing her hand on the handle by the door, she hauled herself up into the cab. She settled into the comfortable seat, which even now, moulded to fit the contours of her body.

A slow, steady warmth began to spread underneath her as Optimus sent heat to her seat.

Neither of them spoke as he executed a well-maneuvered three-point-turn (which was impressive when one considered the narrowness of the DuSable bridge) and rolled onto Michigan Avenue.

Cordelia watched the accompanying vehicles, driven by NEST personnel pull onto the road behind Optimus. His wing mirror offered her a beautiful view of Chicago’s damaged but impressive vista in the growing twilight.

She sighed and leaned back against the seat, gently adjusting the seatbelt which had slid across her body before Optimus had pulled off.

Optimus did not materialise his holoform as he navigated Chicago’s streets, easily detecting the most efficient route through his faultless GPS system.

Cordelia watched the steering wheel turn gently this way and that, accompanied by the shifting of Optimus’ gear stick moving up and down his gear box.

Light static filled the cab as Optimus flicked the radio on and began to cycle rapidly through the stations.

“When you were standing in the wake of devastation When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown And with the cataclysm raining down Insides crying, "Save me now" You were there, impossibly alone—”

Chester Bennington’s crisp tenor voice emanated from Optimus’ speakers, before it was abruptly cut off by a hiss of static and a low growl from the Autobot leader.

The static continued as Optimus cycled through all the available radio stations at breakneck speed, apparently unable to find one he wanted.

“—they should just go back to their own planet. Nobody asked them to come here, and nobody asked them to stay. Now they have brought their war and destruction here, and innocent American soldiers and civilians are paying the price. There are no Autobots and Decepticons, there is only us and them. If we continue to choose them, we will invite our own extinction in through the front door.”

Cordelia’s blood ran cold in her veins as she heard the bitter tones of Theodore Galloway.

Before she could react, Optimus had screeched to a halt, throwing her against the locked restraints of her seatbelt.

One of the NEST escort vehicles stopped just in time, mere inches from Optimus’ back fender.

The truck shivered beneath her, and Cordelia watched the hood quivering with Optimus’ rage.

His engine sputtered twice before he restarted it and continued rolling forward. His airbrakes hissed noisily as the convoy resumed their previous pace through the semi-fallen city.

Cordelia adjusted herself in her seat, listening to the continual hiss of static uneasily as Optimus resumed his frantic search for a radio station.

He led the convoy through suburban Chicago and soon they were headed for the Interstate 55, which would take them back to Scott Airforce Base, which had become their temporary base of operations for the duration of the Chicago clean-up effort.

Optimus’ engine snarled gutturally as he merged into the fast lane, accelerating quickly. His more powerful engine left the escort vehicles behind, and soon they were nothing more than tiny dots in his wing mirrors.

Checking her phone, Cordelia saw the time on the LCD screen displayed as 16:43. That meant that they wouldn’t get back to the air force base until 21:30 at the very earliest that evening.

She coughed lightly to clear the dryness in her throat, reaching up to remove her red scarf, placing it in the passenger footwell.

Optimus extended one of his cupholders, an unopened bottle of spring water within it. Condensation dribbled down the sides of the bottle, wetting the label that boasted spring water bottled at the source in the Quachita Mountains.

Cordelia took it gratefully and went to remove the screw cap.

It was stuck fast.

She used her left hand to try first, as her right hand had only just come out of the cast last week. She had broken the wrist of her dominant hand in the battle in Chicago, ironically after the battle had finished. She’d been running towards Optimus and had tripped over a stray mortar shell from Megatron’s discarded rifle and had splayed forwards onto the concrete, landing badly on her right wrist.

Her left hand by comparison, was far weaker and she didn’t have the strength in it to remove the cap.

“Ugh!” She exclaimed angrily, about to shove the bottle back in the cup holder when a large, metallic hand reached for the bottle.

She looked up to see that Optimus’ holoform had materialised itself in the driver’s seat, though he was turned to fully face Cordelia.

He did not need his holoform to drive himself safely and could use his holoform and drive simultaneously.

Cordelia handed him the bottle and watched as he easily snapped the cap free from the little plastic ring that had defeated her.

Handing it back to her, he reached up to tuck a strand of stray auburn hair behind her left ear.

“Thanks,” she offered before raising the bottle to her lips and taking a generous swig. The water tasted crisp, clear, and good. She glugged from the bottle greedily, surprised by how thirsty she suddenly felt.

She replaced the lid and returned the bottle to the cup holder, one hand coming up to self-consciously wipe the water droplets off the corners of her mouth.

Optimus was watching her expectantly. “It is important to stay hydrated in this cold air. My research has informed me that cold air is dry and can cause a human to create more mucus. Given your asthma, this is not a desirable prospect for you.”

Cordelia gave a half-hearted snort and turned slightly in her seat so that she could face Optimus fully.

“Duly noted big guy. But don’t panic, I am not gonna die from spending a couple of hours in some cold air.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished that she could call them back.

She watched Optimus’ optics tighten with pain, their pupils constricting to needle-points. The outer LEDs that framed his white pupils constricted like a camera lens that was zooming in on something.

“Cordelia…” a low, mechanical whine sounded deep from within him, filling the truck’s cab with his sorrow.

Cordelia leaned forward, wrapping one of her small hands around his big one. Her fingers didn’t even go all the way around his palm.

Her soft contact had the desired effect, diverting his attention to her. A small smile tugged at the edges of his optics, their pupils dilating minutely.

He wrapped his fingers around her hand, enveloping it completely.

“Erh…this is going to be a long drive Cordelia…do you wish to sleep for the journey?” Optimus asked, straightening but leaving their fingers interlocked.

Cordelia shook her head gently at him. “It was a long drive this morning big guy. If I get tired, I’ll close my eyes, but I would like to chat to you…if that’s what you want?”

Optimus’ optics softened at her words, his silvery thumb brushing over her knuckles. “Of course you can talk to me Lia…you never need to ask me if that’s what I want; I will always want you to talk to me.”

“It’s just that…I wondered. Only because you were cycling through the radio stations so quickly just now…I wondered if you would rather have the radio on for the journey back to base.”

Optimus shook his head, pinching his nose with the thumb and forefinger of his free hand, his facial plating scrunched up in a frown.

“Ahh, my apologies. I was overcome by a sudden…attack of the sads.” He looked up then, grinning at Cordelia ruefully.

Cordelia was taken aback at hearing her own phrase uttered in Optimus Prime’s noble baritone.

She had first coined the term about a year after meeting Optimus. She had been only fifteen years old and struggling greatly with her inner demons.

Memories of her father, the feeling of loneliness that had threatened to crush her from the inside out. The feeling of walking on a precipice, a precipice that she would fall from at the slightest whisper of wind.

Optimus had been out for the better part of the day, in and out of meetings with world leaders, military personnel and various different liaison officers from multiple different branches of multiple different global governments.

Left to her own devices, Cordelia had walked around the perimeter of the island. It had taken her about five hours to walk the entire perimeter at a leisurely pace. She’d enjoyed watching the Autobots carrying out their training exercises, the gruff Weapons Specialist observing and correcting where he thought necessary.

She stood in the warm surf of the Indian ocean, enjoying the feel of the seasonally warm water on her bare feet.

In the distance, a pod of dolphins played in the big waves breaking on the reef.

They leaped gracefully out of the water, easily clearing twenty feet.

She sat down in the sand, playing with the fine grains between her slender fingers. A gentle breeze blew her auburn hair this way and that, carrying with it the salty-briney scent from the ocean.

An indescribable heaviness was settling in Cordelia’s heart, attacking her carefully crafted defences, destroying them as easily as Megatron had sent her flying from the roof of the building in Mission City.

It tugged at the corners of her mind, demanding that she feel its presence. She shied away from it, trying to hide in the deepest parts of herself.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, hiding from the darkest parts of her soul that seemed intent on tearing her apart.

She didn’t register the tiny vibrations in the ground as Optimus Prime approached her, finally done with all the meetings of the day.

She didn’t feel the embrace of his hand around her tiny body, lifting her from the uncertainty of her own feelings and into the stability of his presence.

He held her tenderly against his chest, allowing the low thrum of his Spark to comfort her.

Her small body trembled in his cupped hands as she slowly uncurled herself from the foetal position.

She struggled to take a breath to speak, and Optimus drew a gentle finger down the length of her spine.

“Shh little one. It’s okay. You don’t have to speak. I am here.” He felt her slump against the wall of his curled fingers in relief.

“I’ll be okay…I just have a case of the sads. It will pass soon,” she mumbled into his stainless-steel palm.

A gentle shaking of her shoulders brought her out of her memory-induced reverie. She shook her head and rubbed her eyes, taking in the sight of Optimus sitting in the driver’s seat, gazing at her worriedly.

“Are you alright Cordelia?” Optimus asked, leaning forward to adjust one of the heater dials, turning the vent so that it was fully pointed at Cordelia.

“I’m fine Op. I was just lost in some memories for a minute. You saying about the sads made me think of the time I used the term with you for the first time.”

He smiled sadly at her, his features visibly relaxing.

“I…erh…wanted to thank you for accompanying me back and forth from Chicago over the past couple of months. I know it can’t have been easy for you, all these early mornings and hours on the road. Just know that I am eternally grateful to you.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it. I am here because I want to be, Optimus. And when you’re ready to talk…I will be here.”

She watched as his optics widened at her words, his metallic eyelids clicking quietly when he blinked at her.

“Thank you, my little one. Your words mean more to me than you know.”

An easy silence settled over the pair of them as Optimus continued his course along the I-55, eager to complete the 300-mile journey back to the base as quickly as possible.

For a few hours, neither of them said a word, but neither of them needed to. Silences between them were never awkward or uneasy, and the conversation between them never forced or false.

Cordelia was incredibly grateful for this and found something inherently peaceful about sitting in silence with her favourite person in both the known and unknown universe.

The sky steadily darkened from the greyish twilight to the indigo blue of early evening before finally transitioning to the coal-black of the night sky.

“The sky is exceptionally clear tonight, if you look out of the window, you should be able to see the Cassiopeia constellation.” As he spoke, Cordelia’s window rolled down and the crisp October air blew into Optimus’ cab.

Cordelia stuck her head out of the window, and sure enough, set her gaze on the distinctive ‘W’ shape of the five stars.

“Wow, that is incredible” she breathed, gazing up towards the heavens in wonder.

The beauty of the cluster of five stars was hauntingly beautiful against the black backdrop of the night sky.

“Did you know there are a number of notable deep sky objects within the constellation of Cassiopeia?” Optimus asked, drawing her attention away from the celestial bodies.

“Deep sky objects? What are they when they’re at home?”

Optimus chuckled quietly. “They are a collection of clusters and nebulas that are located within the constellation itself. My two personal favourites in the Cassiopeia constellation are the Heart Nebula and the Soul Nebula.”

He pressed a finger to the right side of his helm and a holographic image projected from his optics, building a three-dimensional picture in front of Cordelia.

Depicted within the image were two distinct cloud formations among the stars, a red haze hanging over them.

“The one on the left is the Heart Nebula, also known as ‘The Running Dog’, due to the loose resemblance. The Heart Nebula is located at an approximate distance of 7,500 light years from Earth. The one on the right is the Soul Nebula. The two nebulae are only separated by 2.5 degrees and are connected by a bridge of gas.”

Cordelia reached up and ghosted her fingers over the hologram. “Why are they red?” she asked, smiling at the wonder in Optimus’ optics.

“Ahh, the red colour is due to the emission of that specific colour of light by the nearby hydrogen gas. This formation is truly incredible, these stars are only just beginning their lives. They are only a few million years old.”

Cordelia half-snorted. “Only a few million years old? Optimus, I know you’re ancient, but that is still super old.”

Optimus shut the hologram off and rested his left hand on the steering wheel. “Okay, okay. I appreciate that a few million years is old by your standards, but to put it into perspective, your sun is 4.5 billion years old.”

“Woahhh.” Cordelia stretched the word out, trying to wrap her mind around the incomprehensible number.

Cordelia shifted in her seat, which suddenly reclined. Cordelia ‘oofed’ in surprise but settled down into the comfortable confines of the seat.

“Sleep little one, I will wake you when we arrive back at base.”

Abruptly, Cordelia was aware that her eyelids were too heavy, and the smokey tones of Optimus’ baritone voice caressed her psyche like the valued touch of an old friend.

Sleep found her easily.

The weeks melted seamlessly together as the clean-up effort in Chicago continued.

Cordelia carried on accompanying Optimus to and from Chicago every day, watching as the Autobot leader’s grief seemed to suffocate him more and more with each passing day.

On one day in mid-December, Cordelia was walking around the base with Leo, listening as he pointed out the various different aircraft to her.

She buried her nose and mouth into the soft folds of her red turtleneck, trying to keep out the biting sting of the crisp Illinois winter. Leo walked beside her, clad in a navy fleece-lined winter jacket and grey jeans, his walking boots leaving well-defined footprints in the snow behind them. His beanie hat was tucked securely over his ears.

She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, trying to hold in what little warmth she had left in her small body.

Leo noticed and wrapped a long arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him to shelter her from the bite of the wind with his impressive six-foot-three-inch frame.

“You would think I would be used to extreme temperatures by now.” Cordelia groused, huddling into Leo’s side, seeking the warmth he provided.

Leo leaned down a little to catch her words before they were blown away by the bitter wind and hissed when her nose made contact with his cheek.

“Jeez Lia! You’re bloody freezing! Here, take this.” He removed the beanie hat and jammed it down onto Cordelia’s head. It smelt faintly of men’s shampoo. She reached up and pushed the hat up a little, freeing her eyes from its woolly brim.

She grinned at him ruefully, rubbing his arm by way of apology. “Thanks. Sorry about that.” She said, looking up at him.

The wrinkles around Leo’s blue eyes crinkled as he returned her smile, softening his features.

His arm tightened around her shoulders, his fingers gently squeezing her in fond solidarity.

“You and I haven’t had a chance to really chat since…all that crazy stuff happened in Chicago. How have you been doing?”

Cordelia looked away from his earnest gaze, biting her lip to buy herself some time before she answered Leo’s question.

“I am…under construction.” She tried to answer truthfully, not wanting to have an unnecessary conversation with Leo about how deeply she was struggling.

“Optimus is quiet…he’s withdrawn right inside himself this time. I’m really worried about him. He takes on too much—”

Leo stopped mid-stride, turning to completely face Cordelia. The look on his face caused her unspoken words to fizzle out and die in her throat.

She hadn’t seen Leo’s ‘stern’ look since she was fifteen years old.

His blue eyes were narrowed slightly, his lips pressed into a hard, thin line. It felt like he was staring into the very recesses of her soul.

Apart from Optimus, Leo was the only other person she’d met that could silence her with one look.

Not even Charlotte Mearing could claim that rare privilege.

“With all due respect Cordelia,” Leo spoke slowly, deliberately using Cordelia’s full name. “I asked how you were doing, not Optimus. While I am fond of the big chap, my primary concern is you, not the leader of the Autobots. So, I am going to ask you how you are, and I would like for you to answer me honestly.”

Cordelia chewed the inside of her cheek uncomfortably, dropping her eyes from his stony glare.

“I’ve been better.” Cordelia barely heard her own whispered confession as she spoke, fearful that finally releasing the words would start an uncontrollable snowball of emotions that would eventually engulf her completely.

Leo curled a finger under her chin, gently tilting her face up so that her green gaze met his blue one.

“Oh bach, come here.” He folded her into the safety of his arms, holding her tightly in the shelter of his loving embrace.

She fell against him, allowing him to hold all the broken pieces of her together.

Flashes of the last few months played through her mind, creating a personal picture show of traumatic proportions.

Tears pricked at the backs of her eyes, and she wiped at them furiously with the cuff of one of her sleeves, refusing to allow them passage down her cold cheeks.

Leo noticed and pulled back, framing her petite face between his large hands.

“Hey, listen to me. You’ve been through so much in the last couple of months – heck, the last couple of years Lia. You are allowed to cry. It doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t mean you’re not coping. It makes you human bach.”

Cordelia chuckled weakly and buried her face into the soft folds of Leo’s winter jacket, inhaling his outdoorsy scent.

She felt his arms around her shoulders once more and relished the sense of safety that she felt in them.

They resumed walking, huddled close together, sharing each other’s body heat.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, just listening to the crunch of the snow underfoot as they walked.

Leo spoke then, coming to stop underneath the wing of a Bell Boeing V-22 Osprey. “Lia…is there anything…is there anything that you would like to talk about?”

Cordelia sighed, huddling against the side of the large aircraft while she thought about her answer to Leo’s question.

Did she really want to open the metaphorical wound? Her subconscious reared away violently at the mere thought of it.

She felt her shoulders come up automatically, her body preparing for the expected onslaught of traumatic memories.

With an effort, she opened her mouth to respond. “No. There’s nothing that can be achieved by talking about what happened. I need to be there for Optimus. He is in more need of comfort and reassurance than I am right now.”

Cordelia didn’t look Leo in the eye as she uttered these words, instead leaning against the cold metal of the Osprey, hands flat against the aircraft’s body.

Leo sighed. “Cordelia. How many more times do I need to say this?! What happened was not your fault. Sentinel took us all by surprise. Not even Optimus saw that one coming.”

Although Cordelia knew Leo had intended his words to bring solace and consolation, they only served to stoke the dormant fire deep within the pit of her belly. She felt her temper flare up as she turned to face him, looking up into his worried blue eyes.

“What are you talking about? Why are you bringing Optimus’ judgement into this? Sentinel’s betrayal was nothing do to with Optimus’ judgement! It had everything to do with the fact that he was a back-stabbing slagger who belonged in the pits!”

Leo’s eyebrows raised at her use of Cybertronian insults. “You’ve been spending too much time with Ironhide” he said, chuckling ruefully. Cordelia saw that as soon as he as uttered the words that he regretted them. His face fell as he reached out to close the growing gap between them. “Lia I’m sorry, I am so sorry love. That just-“

“-just what, ‘slipped out’?” Cordelia hissed, pulling her hand free from Leo’s.

She watched his eyes as a slew of emotions crossed them fleetingly. Sadness and surprise gave way to indignant anger.

“Now you listen to me for one minute. Just one minute, that is all I ask.”

Cordelia saw in the determined set of his shoulders and the thin, pressed line that was his mouth that he meant business. She slumped backwards to lean against the aircraft again, a silent invitation for him to continue.

“When I came across you on the beat all those years ago, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I would look after you and never let anybody hurt you like that ever again. Bloody hell Lia, I came to love and think of you as my own daughter. I would do absolutely anything for you, so to see you like this is breaking my heart. Don’t you push me away kiddo, because I am not going anywhere.”

He took both of her hands in his again, rubbing his thumbs over her bony knuckles.

“Please Lia…just talk to me. I can see you breaking apart right in front of me, and I will be damned if I don’t do anything about it. You are too important to me.”

It was the last six words that broke through Cordelia’s carefully constructed mental wall. Leo’s words felled it like a tree, and the power that it came crashing down with was just as devastating.

For one moment, she was fourteen years old again, crumbling in his arms as he held her together while she fell apart.

For a few moments, neither of them said anything. They listened to the wind whistle around the wings of the Osprey, rocking the large aircraft slightly on its wheels. Leo cupped the back of Cordelia’s head in his right hand, his left cupping her cheek, thumb rubbing away the relentless tears.

Cordelia leaned her head against Leo’s firm chest, trying to pull herself together before she spoke to him.

She took a deep breath, concentrating on bringing the words she wanted to say to the surface of her spiralling mind.

“It was my fault. What Sentinel did to me was my fault.” Her words were barely audible as she mumbled them into Leo’s chest.

“I allowed myself to be taken by him. I should have been more careful around him. I didn’t know him at all, and yet I trusted him completely.”

Cordelia felt Leo’s indignant huff ruffle her hair.

“Lia, that isn’t true at all. Optimus trusted him, so the rest of us did so without question. And before you think I’m judging Optimus’ judgement calls, I am not. Sentinel pulled the wool over Optimus’ eyes, just like he did with the rest of us.”

Cordelia scrunched her eyes tightly shut, almost able to see the sleek features of the chic penthouse apartment that she had been held hostage in in Chicago.

She remembered the hulking figures of Sentinel Prime and Megatron huddled together on the south-eastern corner of Trump Tower, close to the control pillar that was Cybertron’s anchor to the Earth.

Leo’s voice brought her back to the here and now.

“Did he…did he hurt you? When he took you?”

Cordelia shook her head in answer, finally lifting her bloodshot eyes to meet Leo’s. “No. He didn’t. He was actually…surprisingly indifferent. He knew that Optimus wouldn’t allow NEST or the other Autobots to fire while he had me with him. That seemed to make him almost cocky. Once we got to our destination, he left me with Laserbeak and went off to recon with Megatron.”

She sniffed, dabbing at the corners of her eyes with the sleeves of her jacket. “Then I saw that Optimus and the other Autobots were going to be deported…and I lost it. Gould gave me a sedative then. The next thing I remember is waking up on the couch and watching Sentinel give the order to Decepticons around the world to launch the pillars.”

Leo said nothing but wrapped his arms around her in a tighter embrace.

“I don’t want to talk to Optimus about it because Sentinel was his mentor…his teacher, his friend. Sentinel’s betrayal has cut him deep, and it’s going to be a long and difficult healing process.”

Leo sighed and scratched his stubble thoughtfully. “Well, it goes without saying Lia, but I am always, always here for you if you want to talk. Day or night, whenever you need me. I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere bach.”

“Thank you, Leo. And I’m sorry for getting mad earlier. There’s so much stuff running around in my head at the moment, it feels like I can’t pin a single thought down.”

Leo crushed her to his chest once more, his muscular arms encircling her small frame. “No matter when, no matter what, I am here for you bach. Whenever you need me, I will be there.”

Cordelia returned his affection in kind, rising up on tiptoes to plant a small kiss on Leo’s cheek.

“Thank you, Leo. Thank you so much.”

He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze as they pulled apart. Something behind Cordelia caught his attention and she turned to see what he was looking at.

Not what, but who.

Colonel William Lennox was disembarking from a vehicle similar to the ones that were used on golf courses. He strode towards Leo and Cordelia with purpose, his shoulders hunched against the cold of the bitter wind.

Cordelia and Leo closed the gap just as Lennox reached up to remove his aviator sunglasses. His brown eyes looked troubled, his brow furrowed.

“You’re a hard woman to find Cordelia Prime,” Lennox said, only half-jokingly. “Mr Jacobs, it’s good to see you again.” The two men shook hands warmly and clapped each other on the shoulder.

“How many times Colonel, please call me Leo. Mr Jacobs makes me sound like a dead-end maths teacher who still lives with his mother.”

Lennox snorted. “Fair enough Leo, fair enough. As long as you call me Will. We’ve worked together long enough now.”

Lennox turned his attention to Cordelia, casting his gaze down from his 6’3” height.

“Lia, could I borrow you for a sec? The Boss has shut down.”

Cordelia felt a pang of nausea attack her stomach with a surprising ferocity, threatening to claw its way up her throat.

She swallowed with an effort, twisting her trembling hands behind her back as she addressed Lennox.

“What do you mean he’s ‘shut down’? What is wrong with him? Where is he?” Her voice became higher and more panicked with each question she uttered, her pulse ringing in her ears.

Lennox held both hands up to her, trying to calm the tirade of questions. “Easy Lia, easy! Physically, he’s fine. He’s not hurt or injured or anything like that. Perhaps I should have said that he’s giving everybody the silent treatment again. Not even Ratchet can get him to come out. That’s why I’ve come to find you. We need you.”

Cordelia allowed herself a relieved sigh, feeling her galloping heart slow down to a gentler and more comfortable rhythm. She swallowed past the metallic taste that had suddenly made itself known in her mouth.

“Okay. Sorry, I just freaked out for a second there. Where is he?”

Lennox motioned to the little golf cart that he had just exited. “He’s on the other side of the base. It’s too far to walk in this damn wind.” He didn’t wait for a reply but turned and walked back towards the cart, settling himself to wait in the driver’s seat.

Cordelia turned to face Leo. “I’ll see you later?”

Leo nodded the affirmative. “I’ll see you later bach, there is a coffee in the mess hall with my name on it. From the sound of it, Optimus needs you and only you right now.” He leaned down and pecked a gentle kiss on her cheek. “Jeez kiddo, you’re always freezing. At least take this.” He took his scarf off and wrapped it around Cordelia’s neck, making sure that it covered her mouth and nose.

The scent of Leo’s aftershave was suddenly deep in her nostrils, the familiar sandalwood aroma making her eyes water.

She waved a casual goodbye to him as she clambered into the passenger’s side of the cart next to Lennox.

The colonel pressed down on the accelerator and made for the eastern side of the base.

“So Will, what happened?” Cordelia asked, training her gaze on the colonel.

“I honestly dunno Lia. Mearing asked Prime for a debrief once you guys got back to base.”

Cordelia nodded, remembering the Director of Intelligence’s curt request to Optimus before he’d even had the chance to transform upon returning to Scott Airforce base. It was at this point that Leo had come out of the recreational area and offered to walk around the base with her.

“Mmhmm, what else happened? Optimus doesn’t just clam up for no reason Will. Something must have happened, or someone must have said something.”

Lennox’s shoulders slumped. “Like I said, I don’t know. I was told that my presence was not necessary for the meeting. It was only a debrief after all. Next thing I know, Mearing’s aide is clacking towards me in those stupid heels that she insists on wearing…telling me I need to get Prime to pull the stick out of his—” he stopped short then, suddenly aware of the venomous look on Cordelia’s face.

“Oh, she did now did she?” Cordelia uttered darkly, unable to stop her delicate features from curling into a hostile scowl.

Lennox held one hand up defensively. “Her words Lia, not mine.”

Cordelia sighed, burying her face into the folds of Leo’s borrowed scarf. “I know. It just makes me so angry that after everything Optimus and the Autobots have done, government officials still think that it’s okay to speak to them like shit.”

They spent the rest of the short drive in silence, neither quite sure of what to say to the other.

They emerged around the corner of a maintenance hangar to find Optimus, sitting in his vehicular mode.

The Peterbilt cut a lonely figure in the dying light of the day, overlooking the vast green fields that surrounded the borders of the air base.

Lennox cut the engine as Cordelia got out of the cart.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Cordelia shook her head. “Thanks Will, but I think it’s best if it’s just Optimus and I. Can you make sure no one comes near here please? He’s earned a rest with no interruptions at the very least.

“Course, I can do that for you kid. Good luck Lia.” He executed a wide turn and drove back the way they had come.

Cordelia waited until she could no longer see Lennox before she made her way over to Optimus.

He gave no indication that he had heard her approach, or even that he was aware of her presence.

Cordelia didn’t utter a word but walked confidently over to the Peterbilt. She eyed Optimus’ grill for a few seconds, deliberating the best way to get him to transform.

Somehow, she knew instinctively that simply talking to him would not be enough.

Sighing, she pulled her thick coat down a little so that it covered most of her behind, before sinking down to sit in the snow.

She hissed as her hands made contact with the freezing powder, but stubbornly made herself a comfortable little wedge in the six-inch deep snow.

She leaned against Optimus’ grill, pressing her cheek against the smooth chrome and began her internal countdown.

She had only just made it to four from five when the familiar clanks and whirs of a transforming robot filled her ears.

Ensuring her mouth was buried in her borrowed scarf, she smiled smugly to herself and allowed herself to fall into Optimus’ waiting palm.

He cupped her tiny body in his hand, curling his fingers over her to shield her from the bite of the wind as he made to stand at his full height.

She felt the warmth begin to spread underneath her as he sent heat to his palm, immediately thawing the snow which clung to the backside of her jeans.

His blue optics narrowed suspiciously at her. “What in the AllSpark were you thinking? Sitting in the snow? What logical purpose does that serve?”

She glared up at him defiantly. “It achieved my goal.”

Whatever he had expected her to say, it certainly hadn’t been that. His lips parted once, twice and three times before clamping shut in his signature pout. The mosaic that made up his facial plating scrunched up as if he’d smelled something thoroughly unpleasant.

“And what, may I ask, was that?”

Cordelia took her time to answer him, making herself comfortable on his palm. She assumed her usual position; leaned back against the curled wall of his fingers, her arm loosely curled around his thumb.

“I needed you to transform. I would look pretty stupid talking to a parked truck, wouldn’t I?”

Optimus simulated a sigh, the housings in between his joints hissing out air. He lifted his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger, his audial covers rotating clockwise as he did so.

He started to walk, apparently with no specific destination in mind.

Cordelia poked her head over the top of his curled fingers to see where they were going. She stole a quick glance upwards at the Autobot leader, rewarded with only the underside of his chin.

“Optimus?” She asked gently, her voice quiet and tender.

He tilted his head downwards to meet her gaze, optics dilating slightly at her gentler tone.

“Yes, little one?” He answered, his own baritone voice somewhat muted.

“Where are we going?” That earned her a chuckle, one that reverberated deep within her ribs.

“If you think for one nano-second that I am going to allow you to converse with me out here in conditions where it is barely one degree above freezing, then you are sorely mistaken. We are going to a hangar that is currently not in use.”

Cordelia huffed indignantly and huddled back against Optimus’ curled fingers.

“You are such a worry-guts. I’ve been walking with Leo in ‘these conditions’ and I’m fine.”

“The pilomotor reflex displayed on the surface of your skin would suggest otherwise.” Optimus’ tone was deadpan, but Cordelia saw that his mouth plates were slightly upturned in what he clearly thought was a private smile.

With Optimus’ long stride, they made it to the aforementioned hangar in no time at all. Optimus had to duck to go through the large double doors as he stood head and shoulders taller than them, but once inside, he could stand at his full height with no problems at all.

He started to bend down, ready to set Cordelia down on the floor, but she shouted out, rather more loudly than she intended to.

“No!”

He stopped abruptly, his hand about fifteen feet from the floor. His fingers curled around her, securing her more firmly in his palm.

“Lia? Are you alright?” His optics were wide with worry, and she felt the light tickle of his diagnostic scan.

“Sorry, didn’t quite mean to shout like that. I’m fine…it’s just, can you hold me? I want to be close to you.”

She dropped her gaze from his, embarrassed at herself.

“Of course little one, that is not a problem in the slightest.”

He raised her to eye level then, studying her carefully with those bottomless optics of his.

Cordelia swallowed past the lump of sadness that had suddenly lodged itself in her throat.

She motioned to be brought closer to his face and Optimus obliged, one finger stroking gently up and down her spine.

She traced her small hands down the grooves of his nose, following the lines of his facial plating. She touched the glyphs on his cheek as gently as she could, wishing to convey her love and affection for him through her touch alone.

This time, when the tears pricked at the back of her eyes, she made no effort to stop them from falling.

She braced herself against Optimus’ triangular nose, wanting to eliminate all space between them.

He nuzzled into her, a minor static charge jumping between them. It startled them both, and as they pulled away from each other, Cordelia felt her hat pulled off her head, leaving her auburn hair fuzzy and flyaway.

Hilariously, Optimus’ optics were crossed, trying to look at something. His face plates scrunched up and then relaxed before scrunching up again. The look reminded Cordelia of a human trying to hold back a sneeze.

It took her a few seconds to realise what had happened.

Her beanie hat was caught on the end of Optimus’ nose, hanging by one thick black thread.

Optimus reached up with his free hand and took the hat between his thumb and forefinger, his optics widening in a horrified expression when he realised what he was holding.

In his attempt to place it carefully back on Cordelia’s head, he managed to unravel it almost completely.

“Oh Cordelia, I am so, so sorry. I will rectify this as soon as I am able to do so.”

Cordelia snorted with unladylike laughter.

“Relax big guy, it’s just a hat. I have plenty more where that came from.”

She took the remnants of the hat off his finger and flung it carelessly over her shoulder.

“Now that that’s dealt with, can I ask you a favour?”

Optimus tore his gaze from where the hat had fallen on the floor and returned it to Cordelia, bathing her in the gentle ethereal blue glow of his optics.

He traced a finger over her cheek, wiping away the lone tear that had claimed territory of it.

“You can always ask anything of me little one” he declared, his sonorous baritone low in her ears.

Cordelia hesitated before she spoke again, running her fingers in small circles over Optimus’ facial plating as she searched for the appropriate words of comfort for the struggling Prime.

Optimus almost subconsciously leaned into her touch, dipping his head so far forward that his left ear finial came to be in Cordelia’s reach.

She turned her attention to that, running her hand up and down the length of it, listening to the deep, purring rumble that Optimus emanated whenever he was content.

She was unsure how much time had passed before she spoke again.

“Optimus…will you talk to me? I can see you cracking before my eyes, and it’s killing me. I need to look after you, I need to make sure that you are safe.”

At these words, Optimus’ broad shoulders slumped downwards in a non-verbal sign of defeat.

He lifted his head, turning sad optics upon the tiny human female nestled in his palm.

“That is just it Cordelia…I did not ensure your safety. I allowed Sentinel to take you and I was powerless to stop him. Never, not once in my long life have I ever been paralysed by fear, and that day I was. By the AllSpark, you could have been killed!”

A low, mechanical whine sounded somewhere from deep within his body, working in conjunction with the furious spinning of his audio covers.

“And the worst thing is Cordelia…I did not fail to protect you once. No, failure to protect you once could be seen as a mistake, a grave error in my judgement. I failed to defend you adequately on two separate occasions! I am no longer fit to bear the Matrix, I am no longer fit to be called a Prime!”

He buried his face in his free hand, hiding his haunted expression from her.

With a deep breath, Cordelia stood in Optimus’ palm and made an awkward leap to his chest. She clung to his chest plates like a little koala bear, suddenly all too aware that she was some twenty feet up in the air.

Her sudden movement caused Optimus to look down in alarm. Once he saw that she was sprawled across his vast chest with only her own limbs keeping her from falling, he hurried to secure her back in his palm, gently plucking her off his chest between a gentle finger and thumb.

“Cordelia, what—by the AllSpark, please be careful little one. My Spark could not bear it if you were hurt because of me.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes at him. “Optimus, please. I had everything under control. Just…just look at me, please?” She asked, intoning her voice to a gentler and more tender volume.

He obliged her, bringing her up to his face once more.

They resumed their earlier position, Optimus holding Cordelia close to his visage, Cordelia bracing herself against his nose.

“Optimus Prime, you are fit to be a Prime. You are fit to lead your people to victory, and you are fit to be the bearer of the Matrix. You are Optimus Prime, and nobody, nobody in the entire universe can take that away from you.”

She watched his optics grow misty with wiper fluid as he listened to and digested her words.

“Lia…how I wish it were true. How I wish with all my Spark that what you said is true. I fear it is not. Of what victory do you speak? My men are all but obliterated, my mentor dead by my own hand. My home planet…destroyed. I wouldn’t call that ‘Prime’ material little one.”

Cordelia spread her arms as far as she could across Optimus’ face, doing her best to hug him despite the huge size difference between them. She felt his facial plating relax into a sad smile against her torso.

“Do you think I would lie to you Optimus? Only tell you what I think you want to hear?”

Optimus shook his great head sadly, hydraulics hissing lightly with the movement. “No Cordelia, I do not for one moment think that you would only tell me what you think I want to hear. I just…do not agree with your assessment little one.”

“Okay. That’s your prerogative. I’m not gonna twist your arm to make you agree with me. Firstly, I’m too small and secondly, Ratchet has only just re-attached that arm of yours. I don’t think he would take too kindly to me twisting it.”

That earned her a small chuckle.

Emboldened, she carried on. “So, let me tell you what I do know. You have saved this planet and the life of every human being on it three times, never asking for anything in return except a place to call home. You have led your Autobots into battle with confidence and vigour, never expecting them to do anything that you yourself would not do.

“You have fostered relationships and treaties with the world’s governments, despite their best attempts to the contrary. You have come back…come back from the dead. You have stopped humanity from harming itself with needless conflicts.

“You have led your Autobots with pride, dignity and by example. You’re not infallible Optimus, hell, none of us are!”

It appeared that the Autobot leader was at a complete loss for words.

“And lastly, let me remind you of one of the most important things I think you’ve done” Cordelia continued softly, grasping both sides of the Prime’s face now. “It involves a short story, so buckle up.”

She made herself a little more comfortable on his palm, but kept her small hands on his face, her left hand gently tracing the ‘Prime’ glyph that adorned his cheek.

“There was one night, give or take about five years ago, that a girl decided to give up. This night was nothing special; no super rare weather event had happened, nobody famous had died. Just a regular, boring summer evening in Tranquility, California.

“This girl was at the beginning of her ending. She felt a kind of peace and relief at the decision that she’d made. There would be no more pain, no more regret. Only peace. It sounded kind of nice, definitely better than the pain to which she had become so accustomed to.

“She found herself walking. She walked for miles, right outside the boundaries of the town and along the shoulder of the highway. She didn’t even really know what she was doing or even where she was going. Only that she needed to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

“Here’s where it gets cliché big guy, okay? So bear with me here.”

Cordelia glanced up at Optimus to see that she had his full attention. He was gazing at her with an expression on his face that she didn’t think she’d ever seen before.

It was an expression of wonderment and intrigue, his optics lost in the imagery of the story she was weaving for him.

“This girl, she saw a shooting star! No word of a lie big guy. Honestly, this thing shot across the sky as clear as day, even though it was night.” Cordelia offered Optimus a small wink and leaned into the comforting embrace of his fingers, one of which had moved to gently caress the back of her left shoulder.

“This kid now, we’re talking about fourteen years old here, she figured that she had nothing to lose. She was leaving anyway, so why not check out this shooting star? It had landed pretty near to where she was and it didn’t take her long to walk to it. It was the weirdest thing she’d ever seen. Turns out it wasn’t a shooting star at all, but some sort of strange egg shaped thing.

“It was metallic and covered in these strange lines and symbols. She could feel the on her face, even from the distance that she was standing at. The trees next to it were on fire, but it seemed contained so she paid the fire no mind.

“The egg thing started to shift then, and that’s when her sense of self-preservation kicked in. She high-tailed it outta there, the old adrenaline pumping through her until she got to the bridge.

“This kid doesn’t remember how long she stood at the edge of that traffic bridge, listening to the roar of the river below it. All she knew was that she had to follow her fears and pain over the bridge and down the river. After all, water cleans stuff, doesn’t it? She figured that wherever her next destination was, she would at least arrive there clean and free of scars and pain.

“But that’s not what happened. After she jumped, she vaguely remembers a kind of…dull thudding sensation. Like a hard landing that didn’t really hurt. She was confused, because she’d landed far sooner than she would have thought, considering how high the traffic bridge actually was.

“Anyway…she woke up and she saw a giant, like a real life, massive giant looming over her. Except this was a robot giant. He had blue eyes that reminded her of camera lenses and a big, noble face. His hand was curled gently around her, shielding her from the hard rocks of the riverbed.

“Her first thought was that she was dead and this robot dude was her spirit guide to…the great beyond or whatever it was. But when he spoke, she felt his voice vibrating her ribs and eardrums, and knew that she couldn’t be dead.

“This giant took it upon himself to ask after the girl, asking her name and what she was doing by the traffic bridge. The girl told him what she had intended to do, and the giant seemed genuinely horrified as he listened to her sad tale.

“The giant very carefully wiped away the girl’s tears with one giant fingertip, and the girl remembers how amazed she was that such a huge…being could be so gentle and tender with something that was so much smaller than him.

“He asked if the girl would mind remaining with him, so that he could keep an eye on her and take care of her.

“The weeks went by, and the giant slowly taught the girl how to love and trust again. He showed her that life was worth living, because where there is life, there is always, always hope.

“He carried her burden for her when it became too much for her to bear alone, never asking for anything in return. He listened to her fears and the reasons for her pain, never once mocking her or belittling the way she felt. He was there for her when no one else was, holding her up against the darkness that would sometimes tear its way through her psyche, always putting her back together with the utmost tenderness afterward.

“The girl grew to love the giant irrevocably, and sometimes got herself into slightly awkward situations to defend him. This girl owes her life to that giant, and she wants to say thank you to him. She wants to say thank you for giving her the most precious gift she has ever received; unconditional love. The giant is whatever she needs him to be, and she cannot ever hope to explain how safe and secure that makes her feel.

“All she can hope is this; that when the giant needs her, he will let her be there for him. Because to the girl, the giant is a leader, a friend, a protector and the most important person in her life. But most importantly, the giant is simply Optimus to the girl. The girl sees the bot behind the Prime, the person behind the leader. She wants him to know that he is safe with her. She wants him to know that it is okay to show his strength by daring to show the weaknesses that plague him.”

It seemed that Cordelia’s words had unlocked something deep and cathartic within the Autobot leader.

He allowed the wiper fluid to dew on the inner corners of his optics before it fell.

A couple of stray drops rolled down the back of Cordelia’s neck, causing the fine baby hairs there to stand on end.

“Optimus, my darling, you have no need, no need at all to be sorry. You weren’t to know what Sentinel was planning. It is not your fault that he got hold of me, I wasn’t hurt and I’m fine. As far as what happened with Megatron…”

At the mention of the Decepticon leader’s name, Optimus’ optics flashed dangerously, their pupils contracting so until they were so tiny it looked like there was no light in his optics at all.

“Cordelia, he could have killed you. It would have been so simple, so easy for him to do so!”

His fingers curled a little more tightly around her, holding her more securely.

She shrugged, somewhat guiltily. “Sentinel was getting ready to kill you, what was I supposed to do? I wasn’t just gonna stand there and do nothing.”

Optimus simulated a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger.

“We will agree to disagree on this particular subject for the moment. Both of our emotions are running too high for it to be discussed objectively.”

“And…thank you. Thank you my little one, for allowing me to be myself and not fear your reactions. I know I am safe with you. I have always known that.” He dipped his head forward once more, brushing a metallic kiss across Cordelia’s neck and shoulder.

“But what have I done? I murdered the one bot who truly understood me. Sentinel made me everything that I am today. The values that I believe in, the reasons I fight, how I lead my Autobots. They all stem from his influence Lia! From his teachings, his example! I am no better than Megatron. I extinguished him like a prisoner. I should be sent to the Pit for my crimes.”

Cordelia knelt in his palm, touching his face anew.

“I can’t make you change how you’re seeing this situation Optimus, but I can give you my input. You were reunited with a mech who you haven’t seen for god knows how long, of course you were going to be thrilled and overjoyed. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that you are feeling right now. You were right with what you said on the bridge; Sentinel Prime did not betray you. He betrayed himself.

“He betrayed the values he taught you to live by, betrayed the Autobot cause and betrayed freedom itself. He allied himself with evil, and the consequences proved to be fatal for him, as they did for Megatron.”

“My brother in arms…died long ago Lia. The mech whom I once fought beside perished the moment he chose to become The Fallen’s pawn. But Sentinel…my oldest friend. My teacher. I never even asked him ‘why’. He deserved that opportunity, at the very least.

“I am so confused Cordelia, and that unsettles me. I am used to seeing a way forward and achieving a means of getting to a solution. I feel vindicated in killing Sentinel, he was going to enslave the humans and most likely crush any Autobot rebellion. I feel justified in extinguishing Megatron, the only truth he ever spoke was that of deception. He never intended to forge a treaty between Autobots and Decepticons.

“But Lia, oh, when I saw my home planet for the first time in eons, my Spark ached. Oh how I miss it, how I yearn for it! To see my beautiful planet, devoid of light, devoid of life! I felt my Spark shatter into millions of pieces, scattered to the wind. Part of me wanted…” he turned away from her then, dropping his chin to his chest in horrified disgrace.

“Wanted to what?” Cordelia prompted gently, although she thought she already knew what he was going to say.

“Part of me wanted to step aside and let Sentinel complete his plan. I cannot deny it any longer Cordelia. I have been wrestling with it these past months, forcing myself to deny the truth. I wanted Cybertron back. I still want Cybertron back.”

A weight shifted in Cordelia’s chest of which she’d not been aware.

Finally.

Finally she’d got to the route of what had been eating away at him since they’d returned from the ruined Chicago that summer evening in late July.

“And then, this afternoon, Charlotte Mearing asked…asked for my permission for the humans to perform scientific research upon the bodies of my fallen comrades. Is it not enough that they gave their lives for the people of this planet?! Must they now also sacrifice their bodies to a senseless cause in the name of science, a pointless endeavour in which the humans will learn nothing except the price of their own greed and stupidity!”

Cordelia felt bile rise in her throat.

“Optimus…I’m so, so sorry. There are no words that can excuse what she has asked of you. Oh Optimus, come here.”

He slowly lowered her towards the ground, as if trying not to aggravate an old injury. He let her carefully slide from his palm onto her own two feet on the floor, fingers hovering until he was sure she’d regained a steady vertical base.

Then he transformed, his body closing in on itself until the Peterbilt 379 sat in front of her.

Blue beams shot from the Autobot sigil on his grill and formed a three-dimensional cubed frame, upon which his human-sized, Cybertronian holoform began to build itself.

In less than three seconds, Optimus stood before her, as he always was, still at an impressive height of six feet and eight inches.

Cordelia opened her arms to him and he closed the gap between them in two long strides, crashing to his knees in front of her.

Even at this reduced height, his head still came up to her chest.

She felt his hands curling into her jacket as he pressed his face furiously into her chest, desperate for her comforting affection.

She cupped the back of his head in both hands, tracing her fingers gently over the air vents that were situated there.

“Does this make me a monster Cordelia? Does wanting my planet back make me as bad as The Fallen, as bad as Megatron?!”

His voice went up a couple of octaves and he emitted noises not dissimilar to an engine that was struggling to turn over.

“No, absolutely not. It makes you you, Optimus. What person wouldn’t want their planet if they saw it for the first time in thousands of years? It’s the place where you were born, where you lived the best and worst parts of your life. It’s a place where you forged friendships and discovered your heritage. It’s a place where you carved your legacy. Oh Optimus, the last thing on Earth it makes you is a monster.”

Her words seemed to soothe him. The rate of his intakes slowed and the sputtering noise coming from somewhere in his torso ceased.

Cordelia didn’t know how long they stood like that; the Prime and the human woman holding each other up against their grief.

All hell could have broken loose outside, and Cordelia could not have cared less.

Suddenly, a light bulb came on in Cordelia’s mind.

“Optimus? Fancy playing a song for me?”

Optimus looked up at her, optics slightly scrunched.

He rose to his feet, placing one hand on Cordelia’s shoulder and taking her left hand in his free one. Like that, the top of her head was barely level with Optimus’ chest. She could just about see the faint blue glow of his Spark emanating from his Spark chamber.

“Your wish is my command, milady” Optimus said, pressing a small kiss to the back of the hand he held in his. “What song would you like?”

“Sound The Bugle by Bryan Adams. And Optimus, just do this one thing for me. Whenever you feel like you’re feeling now, remember who you are.”

She watched his optics soften at her words, listening to the quiet click that signalled his radio coming to life.

Bryan Adams’ husky, smokey voice came through Optimus’ impressive surround-sound speakers, making it sound like he was in the empty hangar with them.

“May I have this dance, Cordelia?” Optimus asked, extending one hand towards her.

She suddenly felt foolishly shy. She took a step back, abruptly self-conscious.

“I'm a soldier Wounded so I must give up the fight There's nothing more for me, lead me away Or leave me lying here”

“Sound the bugle now Tell them I don't care There's not a road I know That leads to anywhere”

“Without a light I fear that I will stumble in the dark Lay right down Decide not to go on”

“I – I don’t know how to.” Cordelia protested as the lyrics wound their way around the pair of them, drawing an invisible line between them.

Optimus smiled at her gently. “That is no matter, I will take care of you.”

At his words, all her doubt and worry melted away. She took his hand, stepping away from fear and pain and into the love and light he provided.

He secured a long arm around her waist, his left hand (and hand of choice) holding her right arm away from her body.

She gasped lightly as he gently lifted her to place her feet on his, the pair of them moving as one.

“Easy little one, I’ve got you. You are safe, I promise.”

Cordelia rested her cheek against Optimus’ chest, closing her eyes in pure contentment.

“I have a little more to add to your story, if I may” Optimus rumbled into her ear, twirling the pair of them with surprising grace.

“Oh? What is that then big guy?”

“The giant wants to thank the girl for allowing him to simply be. There is no greater gift that can be given among souls.”

“Then from on high

Somewhere in the distance

There's a voice that calls

Remember who you are

If you lose yourself

Your courage soon will follow

So be strong tonight

Remember who you are”

“Yeah

You're a soldier now

Fighting in a battle

To be free once more

Yeah, that's worth fighting for”

Cordelia nuzzled her face deeper into Optimus’ chest cavity, feeling completely safe in the moment.

She was no longer the girl who Optimus had caught under the bridge, and Optimus was no longer the mech who had saved her life.

They would continue to love and grow together, but right now, all that they both needed was each other and the knowledge that together, they could face anything.

#optimus prime #bayverse optimus prime #transformers #transformers fanfiction #optimus prime fanfiction #blu's fanfiction #i think i just poured all my hurt into this one #oops #no one will read it anyway lol #oc #my fanfiction #fanfiction #optimus prime & platonic female oc

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agustdakasuga · 4 years

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A Place Called Home | Chapter 22

Genre: Hybrid!AU, Poly!AU?, Soulmate AU, romance, fluff, humour

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: vet!reader, Arcticfox!Seokjin, Panther!Yoongi, Goldenretriever!Hoseok, Wolf!Namjoon, Calicocat!Jimin, Tiger!Taehyung, Rabbit!Jungkook

Summary: Having saved your own injured hybrid, you were determined to try and help any other hybrid that crossed your path who needed saving. But being a vet in a small hospital wasn’t enough for you. You wanted to do more, you wanted to make a difference. You wanted to give them a home.

Hopefully, it’s not too late. Hopefully, it’s not your last goodbye.

The door burst open and the 6 hybrids were ripped away from your battered body. Jungkook’s eyes widened when he saw your state. Furthermore, he was shocked that his brothers did this to you.

“(y-y/n)?” He kneeled down beside your limp form. Gently, he lifted your wrist and dropped it, only to have it fall back into his lap. Tears welled up in his eyes. Even if he was angry with you or felt betrayed by you, you didn’t deserve this. He wrapped an arm around you, holding you against his chest.

“Jungkook.” Bravo approached him.

“We can try to save her. But you have to let her go.” Charlie came. Jungkook whimpered as he let Charlie and Foxtrot take you away. His arms stayed limp by his side.

“We’ve got them all, Jungkook.” Bravo informed.

“Why would the hyungs... do that? Y-Yoongi hyung... He-He had his hands around her neck.” Jungkook choked.

“They’re under a drug that makes them feral. They wouldn’t have recognised her. We’ll bring them to the hospital to flush the drug out of their system. You can see (y/n) too.” Bravo helped him stand up.

“The boss?”

“He’ll be locked up for the rest of his life.” Bravo sighed.

“Hobi hyung?” Jungkook slowly approached his older brother. Hoseok growled, lunging at Jungkook but the restraints held him back. Jungkook couldn’t even hide the shock on his face. There was a crazy look in his usually gentle brother’s eyes, almost as if he was determined to hurt him right thee. Delta pulled Jungkook away from Hoseok.

“I’ll take you to the hospital.” Delta smiled softly, patting his back. The drive was silent. Jungkook was still haunted by your broken, bruised form. And to think, all the damaged was caused by the people you loved.

“(y/n).” Jungkook began to weep in Delta’s backseat. He let out loud sobs, choking on them as he cried your name.

Delta looked at Jungkook through the rearview mirror of her car. She softened as she saw him cry, like a child who just lost his mother. Jungkook well believed you were dead.

“We’re here. They will be in the special wards.” Delta took him upstairs through the back entrance. Doctors were wheeling you into the operating theatre.

“Please, please don’t let her die.” Jungkook told the doctor.

“We’ll try our best.” He gave a small smile and rushed in. Jungkook had to hold the wall for support as he felt his legs give out. Even if Jungkook had the chance to see his brothers in recovery, he didn’t leave the operating theatre. He wanted to be the first to see you alive.

“If only I got there sooner...” Jungkook cried.

“Jungkook.” The door opened and two men stepped into the house. The rabbit just cast them a side glance before returning back to his television show.

“Who are you?” He grunted.

“I’m Bravo. This is Charlie. We’re in the same organisation as Doctor Echo.” The male introduced. Jungkook just gave a nod.

“Look, Jungkook. I know you’re trying to protect your brother but right now, they could be in grave danger and we can’t waste any more time or it’ll be too late. So if you know anything about where they are, you have to tell us right now.” Charlie said.

“I don’t trust you.” Jungkook folded his arms.

“Why?”

“You took me away from my owner.” He stated. Bravo sighed, Kilo had told him beforehand about how all the hybrids felt about the organisation and their agents.

“It wasn’t within our control. It was to keep you all safe.” Bravo said.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that line many times.” Jungkook rolled his eyes. This all happened because of the organisation.

“Jungkook, please. We just want to save your brothers and Echo.” They were practically begging. Jungkook sighed and began to tell them about the letter you wrote that Alpha gave Yoongi. But judging from Bravo and Echo’s expressions, Jungkook guessed that they were not told about this ever happening.

“You want me to trust you, I want you to trust me. Alpha isn’t all that it seems. He was pretty adamant on making Yoongi hyung hate (y/n). I don’t know why I only heard bits of their conversation that night.” Jungkook said.

“I promise you, we’ll investigate this.” Bravo nodded his head.

It only took two days for a phone call to come in from Charlie. Jungkook was right. In Alpha’s office drawer, they found a location scribbled on a piece of paper that held the ring’s location.

“Usually we don’t allow hybrids to follow us during operations but if you can scent your brothers to tell us we’re in the right location, it’ll be of help.” Bravo said.

“Okay.” Jungkook immediately went to pack up and headed out with the agents.

Up until Alpha’s arrest, he remained silent, not telling the authorities why he had the location of the ring but didn’t act on it. He could have saved you and the other hybrids from the time he knew the location but he didn’t. Whatever it is, he will be getting the punishment he deserves.

PING!

Jungkook shot to his feet as the emergency lights turned off. The doctors that worked on you came out with their nurses.

“H-How is she?” Jungkook stuttered nervously. He was afraid of hearing the dreaded news.

“She’s alive. But we had to do a lot of work. It may be a while until she wakes up. However, I do have to caution you, son, there may be a lot of emotional and mental trauma that she may suffer from when she wakes up.” The doctor told him. Jungkook grew sour, would you even want to see the hybrids again after what happened?

“I understand. Thank you.” Jungkook gave a deep bow.

“We will move her to an ICU unit. You can visit her there.” The nurse informed, leading Jungkook the way.

“Bravo?” Jungkook saw the man signing papers at the nurse’s station. Bravo let out a hum of acknowledgement. When the rabbit peeked over, he saw that Bravo was signing your hospital admission papers.

“She’s alive!” Jungkook blurted.

“I know.” Bravo replied, continuing to look through the papers. He stopped when he noticed the boy still standing there, wringing the end of his shirt.

“Jung-” He was cut off as Jungkook hugged him.

“Jungkook.” Bravo was shocked by his sudden affection. Finally breaking out into a small smile, Bravo stroked the back of Jungkook’s head as he felt him cry into his shirt. For someone so young, Jungkook has been through so much and Bravo felt for him.

“Go see her.” Bravo told him softly.

“My hyungs?”

“They’re okay. They’re resting.” He relayed. Jungkook nodded and pulled away, rubbing his eyes with the end of his sleeve. Waving, he walked to the ICU floor alone. It felt so cold.

“Can I help you?” The head nurse there asked.

“(y/n) (y/l/n).” Jungkook sniffled. The head nurse immediately softened at the rabbit and held his hand comfortingly, leading him to your room. Jungkook watched as you laid there, with tubes in your arms and down your throat. The only sign that you were alive was the slow rise and fall of your chest and the beeping of the heart rate monitor.

“(y/n)?” Jungkook called as he approached you. He was afraid to even hold your hand, in case you broke even more.

Upon closer inspection, Jungkook winced as he saw the visible bite marks and scratches on your arms and legs. What made it feel worse was that he knew and loved the ones that did this.

Namjoon was the first to wake up. He groaned and tried to move from the bright light that shone above him when he felt a tug from his wrist.

“What?” His eyes shot open in panic as he fought against his restraints, being in an unfamiliar environment. To his left was Yoongi and to his right was Jin, both still sleeping peacefully.

“Hey! Get me out!” He thrashed around. The door opened and nurses rushed in with a doctor.

“Namjoon! Please calm down or we cannot remove the restraints and we’ll have to sedate you.” The doctor said from a distance. Namjoon didn’t want to be sedated again. He felt like he has spent the last few days just floating around like a body-less spirit.

“Okay, I’m calm.” Namjoon dropped his limbs.

“Do you know where you are, Namjoon?” The nurse asked him. Namjoon shook his head.

“You and your friends were rescued from an illegal fighting ring. All of you are recovering from the after-effects of the drug you were administered while you were captured there.” The doctor explained.

Namjoon fell back onto his pillow with a sigh of relief as the nurses removed the restraints from his wrists and ankles

“We’re... really free?” A voice croaked and Namjoon turned his head to see Yoongi awake. The panther just stared at the ceiling, tears in his eyes. Namjoon, too, had tears that threatened to spill. Their nightmare was finally over, they were finally free from that place. They didn’t have to spend the rest of their pathetic lives there.

“There aren’t too many serious injuries. Jin has worse injuries. You all heal exceptionally fast, I guess that is attributed to the side effect of the drug you were given.” The doctor continued.

“What drug is it?”

“No clue. It’s definitely a custom made compound.” The doctor nodded his head. As the doctor carried out checks on them, the others began to wake up.

“Hyung?” Jimin blinked as he looked around.

“Morning, Chim.” Taehyung grinned from beside his best friend. The moment the nurses release Jimin from his restraints, he ran over to hug his best friend.

“Why were we restrained?” Jin asked, rubbing his sore wrists. The nurses all looked at each other uneasily.

“I will let agent Bravo know that you are all awake and conscious. Excuse us.” The doctor ushered all the nurses out quickly, not answering the fox’s question. Yoongi frowned slightly, something was off. Those nurses and doctor knew something but were deliberately hiding it.

“Where’s (y/n)?” Hoseok was the first the realise you weren’t there.

“Maybe she’s safe. She wouldn’t have to be admitted.” Taehyung said and the rest nodded their heads.

“I see you’re all awake.” A new voice said.

“I’m agent Bravo. This is Charlie. As you may all understand, we are from the same organisation as Doctor Echo.” The male in the suit explained. The hybrids all nodded their heads.

“Where’s Alpha?” Yoongi asked.

“Who?” Bravo raised an eyebrow. From the look in his eyes, Yoongi pursed his lips. Something must have really happened and their best guess was that Alpha was involved. But right now, the hybrids didn’t care about office politics, they just wanted to see their owner.

“I know you all want to see Echo. But, you can’t.” Bravo spoke before they could.

“Why not?! We’re free, aren’t we?! No more separation.” Taehyung was outraged. All he wanted to do was hug you and now that they were free, there were still people stopping him.

“Do you all... remember anything leading up to the bust?” Charlie questioned. The 6 boys looked at each other and shook their heads.

“I see...” Charlie wrote this down.

“Look, it’s obvious that something happened, which is why we woke up in restraints. Were we drugged or something? We really don’t remember you guys saving us. The last thing we remember is being dragged out of our cages and knocked out. Everything after that is a blur.” Namjoon spoke for the hybrids. Once again, they all nodded.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

“Come in.” Bravo said and Charlie opened the door. The long ears were a dead giveaway on who it was. Hoseok smiled at the sight of his brother and ran to him but seeing Jungkook close his eyes and flinch made his stop.

“Kookie...?” Hoseok tilted his head, hurt.

“H-Hey hyungs.” Jungkook tried to brush off whatever discomfort he had and forced a small smile.

“You’re okay.” Jin let out a sigh. Jungkook nodded his head.

“Did you managed to see (y/n)?” Jimin asked. Jungkook froze at that, his ear twitching slightly. He looked to the side to see Bravo sighing, pinching his nose bridge. He subtly shook his head at Jungkook, as a signal that they didn’t know what they did yet.

“I... I’m sorry.” Jungkook ran out of there.

“What the hell was that?” Yoongi frowned. All eyes fell on Bravo.

Jungkook put a hand on his chest as he tried to steady his breathing. All he remembered was his brothers with your blood on them and Yoongi’s hands around your neck.

“No, it’s not their fault.” Jungkook hit his temple. He couldn’t face them now so he went back to your ICU ward.

“NO!” Yoongi flung the metal cart aside, sending it crashing.

“Yoongi-”

“No! You’re lying! No! No! No!” Yoongi fell to the ground, screaming and sobbing. He looked at his hands, shaking his head in denial. It was a slap in the face for all of them. It was too much to take in that it almost seemed unreal like everything was just a lie. A ruse used to make them hate themselves. No wonder Jungkook couldn’t even look at them.

“Where is she?!” Jin cried.

“It’s not a good idea to see her now. All of you are not stable.” Bravo told them. They needed to see you right now. They needed to know that they didn’t kill you in cold blood.

“Goddamn it! Just tell me where my mate is?!” Namjoon roared. The door opened again and Delta rushed in.

“Bravo.” The look on Delta’s face was dark. Bravo and Charlie rushed out of there, leaving the boys. The 6 hybrids ran after them up until the ICU floor.

“Bravo. She...” Jungkook hugged Bravo. Bravo shielded Jungkook’s eyes away from the team of doctors and nurses that were working to resuscitate you. The 6 stood there like statues. They were in shock.

“W-We... W-We... We... d-did that.” Jimin choked out.

“You 6 need to leave.” Charlie and Delta tried to get them out of there as Jungkook stayed by Bravo’s side.

“No, please let us stay.” Taehyung cried. Did they really deserve to see you when they were the reason you were laying there, fighting for your life? The doctors and nurses came out. It was quiet again and the steady beeping of the machines filled the room again.

“Be careful.” The doctor told the 6 that approached you.

“Tell me it’s all a lie, kitten.” Yoongi whispered, kissing the back of your hand. He looked at the dark bruises around your neck, caused by him.

“I’m sorry, (y/n).” Jimin cried.

“Will she wake up?” Namjoon asked Bravo.

“She will. But there’s no knowing when.” Bravo said. They were soon escorted back into their room to rest while Jungkook stayed by your side. All of them were quiet, they all laid in their beds, crying. The memories of that horrible event were all slowly coming back to them.

You calling their names, your begs, your cries.

“I’ll always... love you all.”

Those were your final words to them as Yoongi wrapped his hands around your neck to end your life. Jimin shook as he remembered you calling him in your soft voice, reaching out to him, and he proceeded to bite you.

“Tae... Baby...”

Taehyung shivered as he remembered how you struggled to break free from his grip beneath you as he held you down with so much force that the bones in your shoulders cracked slightly.

What they remembered that truly broke them was that through the whole thing, you didn’t even want or try to fight back. You didn’t want to risk hurting them so you let them hurt you. There wasn’t even an ounce of anger or betrayal in your eyes as you took whatever they gave you. You just looked at them with so much love and adoration.

You woke up a week later. You were in so much pain when you woke up that you screamed and cried. Jungkook was there to hold your hand and wipe your tears as the doctor gave you a sedative.

“Bun bun...” Your eyes fluttered open and close.

“I’m here.” Jungkook whispered.

“You’re not... angry?” You breathed out. Jungkook shook his head. How could he be angry when you were in this state?

“That’s... good... Your hyungs?” You asked again. Jungkook didn’t know where Bravo had decided to put up his brothers from the day they discharged. He just knew that since your old house was in pieces, they were currently being housed somewhere else for the time being.

“They’re okay.” Jungkook nodded.

“Good...” You sighed, eyes starting to close from the sedative.

“Please don’t worry about the hyungs now. Just get well.” Jungkook told you. You managed to give a small smile and placed your hand over his as you fell back asleep.

“She’s awake?” Jungkook nearly jumped when he came out of your ward to see his 6 brothers there. They have been visiting everyday but never had the guts to go in and see you. It was obvious that they weren’t sleeping well. Jungkook nodded to their question.

“She asked about all of you.” Jungkook said softly.

“How can she still worry about us?” Hoseok rubbed his eyes as he felt another round of tears start to form.

“We should go.” Yoongi said grimly.

“Wait! Hyungs!” Jungkook stopped them. They turned around to look at her.

“You guys know (y/n) better than I do. And you’ll know that she won’t blame any of you for what happened because you didn’t do it out of your own will. Please stay until she wakes up again. She is in so much pain but I know she’ll still want to see that all of you are okay. She’ll want your support.” Jungkook spoke and they all look at each other.

“Oh, you guys are all here.” Delta said.

“Noona. She woke up but they had to sedate her.” Jungkook greeted the agent. Delta nodded, ruffling Jungkook’s hair.

“We’ll move her to a private suite so you all can visit her more freely.” Delta said. The boys nodded and bowed their heads. They watched as the nurses unhooked the machines and wheeled you out.

They all followed you into a bigger suite, where the boys could fit inside and wait. There was even a pull out bed for whoever wanted to stay with you.

“We’ll stay.” Jin said to Delta, who nodded.

“Ring us if you need anything.” She told them and left. The boys proceeded to camp out in your room. They were all quiet as they waited for you to wake up, even the playful ones didn’t crack a joke. The older ones took turns to go get food and drinks for everyone.

“Boys...” You finally stirred. They all dropped what they were doing and surrounded you.

“Jagi. Are you in pain? Let’s call a doctor.” Taehyung panicked.

“No... Don’t...” You breathed. You didn’t want to be sedated again before you got the chance to even see them properly and speak to them.

“Are you... all... okay?” You asked.

“You’re the one stuck in the bed, my love. But yes, we’re all okay. We’re safe now, we’re free.” Namjoon smiled. He made an attempt to touch you but you retracted your hand slightly. You cracked a small smile to try and comfort him.

“I’m... sorry.” You said.

“No, snowflake, it’s alright. You must have been scared.” Jin whispered. They didn’t blame you, knowing that getting over an attack by your own hybrids would take a while. Even if it took the rest of your lives, the boys will be there every step of the way until your old lives are restored again.

Tag list

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vixxenfox · 4 years

Text

Things I’ve noticed after watching the pilot over and over again

And things I just find amusing

- is it just a coincidence that when Charlie says “I wonder if it could be me” the center angel’s face lights up?

- not important but the “F*ck you heaven!!!” Sign is hilarious

- I hate Valentino with a burning passion, look at him texting Angel

- people drop from the sky to get to hell, more importantly without clothes which means each flippin person has to get specially made clothes for their weird demon bodies like sir pentious needs clothes to fit his snake body and stuff... idk just interesting

- the place beside the “we couldn’t come up with a catchy slogan but we sell hardcore drugs” building is called “begg slut”

- imagine dying, going to hell, and realize that you’re an egg

- egg #23 is the best

-one of the eggs like does a weird walk thing with their hand on sir pentious’ tail

-Cherri Bomb’s clothing is so asymmetrical and I love it like she is literally wearing a high-heel boot on one leg and like a tiny shoe on the other

- really just poor Tom he’s great

- Vaggie says “it’s all highlighted” but none of what we are shown is highlighted

- Also read the parts of the list we can see, it’s adorable

- “I don’t touch the gays” I find Katie great

- Jeffrey Dahmer obviously (Also the sticky note saying “who approved this show?)

- When Charlie scans the crowd another tv head just says ‘words’

-The person Vaggie punches isn’t in the crowd

- I love Razzle and Dazzle TvT

- Those two owl demons in Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow are most definitely references to Timber

- CHARLIE YOU JUST KILLED A PUPPY

- I love that there is a boo section

- Tom watches Angel Dust’s stuff confirmed

- I love the sonic spring noise when Angel launches an egg into the air

- Sir Pentious probably has a son that might be in hell so look out for another snake

- Do you see how happy Cherri Bomb is near Angel Dust, best friends! :D

- Aawww Angel pushes Cherri out of the way

- Angel didn’t just sprout a third set of arms, he also pulled an entire gun out of his body sooo... what’s with that

- I think you would just stop existing if you died in hell Angel

- That creepy fan has a body pillow of Angel

- Charlie takes off her pink... jacket(?) in one scene and the next she has it on again (you see her wearing pink in the closeup)

- Lilith is an absent mother

- There goes everyone’s fanon about how Lucifer acts (why couldn’t we get a nice stupid one T~T)

- I think they changed Alastor’s knock but I’m too lazy to check

- They fixed Alastor’s disappearing monocle

- I like that the mic has an eye sometimes it’s cool (how many “sentient-ish” things does Alastor’s have, first the shadow and now this)

- Alastor can teleport at least short distances and he appears as the shadow for a second

- They really make Alastor a very animated character and I love it

- (we knew this already but) Alastor clearly puts himself on a different level than the other sinners, he thinks of himself as justified and better (he doesn’t say “us sinners” he says “loathsome sinners” w/o him in the picture)

- Valentino, Rosie, Lilith (obviously), the girl from the porn studio, and the tv head dude (Vox, thanks @lavipsi) are all some of hell’s “strongest demons”

- TV head (Vox) is in the middle and top so he must be very powerful and behind him there’s also a green and red demon that reminds me of the wolf/fox demon from the bar scene

- Husk is very blocked out by Vaggie’s face but he’s clearly in the picture with Alastor (it looks like a fight but I don’t want to assume) like we know they know each other and stuff but it’s just weird that Husk is in the art when Vaggie says he’s “a dangerous Blahblah” and has entire speech of how dangerous he is

- I love the symbols that float up when Charlie isn’t looking and then the squeak as he turns to a more “innocent-like” Alastor when Charlie looks back

- Alastor rolls his eyes at Charlie when she says “No trickster, voodoo strings attached.”

- Talked about this before but the way his smile gets wider when Charlie says “for as long as you like”

- Why does Charlie have at least 2 posters about alcohol up if she didn’t want it in her hotel?

- I love how Niffty comes in and her bug-like noise when she appears

- You can see their reflection in Niffty’s eye during the closeup and Charlie is too adorable in it, Angel and Vaggie look ready to kick her out XD

- Everybody’s reactions to Niffty rambling on is beautiful, just watch them go from defensive to confused

- Alastor just following Niffty’s every movement as she zooms around

- Please tell me I’m not the only one who didn’t immediately see Husk as a cat? I honestly thought he was a dog for a while because he looks sort of like a Husky and his name is Husk, which got me thinking about the contradictions with Alastor not liking dogs... then I realized Husk was a cat.

- “are you sh!tt!ng me” “no I don’t think so” and “you think I’m just some clown” “..maybe” are some of my favorite lines

- Was I just supposed to know that on the bottom of Alastor’s boots (shoes? Hooves?) there were deer prints?

- So did Alastor really just teleport two sinners and basically copy part of the bar Husk was at and it’s just going to be there forever? Like you can see where the bar’s like territory ends because it’s walls are green while the hotel’s is red

- No like seriously Alastor you can copy a part of a bar but you can’t make the walls match the rest of the hotel’s walls?

- Husk seems slightly taller than Alastor

- Also Husk also has yellow teeth and if we go by Alastor’s teeth are yellow because he’s a cannibal, Husk might have been a cannibal when he was alive

- Husk clearly knows Alastor, he’s not afraid of him (to an extent, he was still a little shaken by the... Sir Pentious thing). Husk obviously voices his complaints without restraint and isn’t afraid of Alastor hurting him (I guess), and even when he was shaken up he was still the second person to follow Alastor back to the hotel.

- The entire relationship between Husk and Alastor is very intriguing to me! Husk doesn’t fear Alastor, Alastor called him a friend (obviously another jab at Husk but still), and they were in the same picture when Vaggie talked about Alastor being dangerous. I’m guessing they were probably friends once, maybe the picture is them both fighting another demon or fighting each other in like a fall-out.

- Vaggie is very exaggerated when she’s complaining about the bar and it’s beautiful

- Husk in the background as a still image just chugging booze is beautiful

-Angel’s angry face as Vaggie complains about the bar just before he leaves to lunge at her is beautiful and my favorite face

- 27:46 Alastor flipping FLUTTERS HIS EYES AT VAGGIE and you can hear a small sound effect of it and I just thought that was beautiful

- At the same moment Charlie is just rubbing her cheeks and it’s cute

- Right before Alastor starts singing, he throws some red... fire in the air and Charlie follows it with her eyes and she just so awed by it

- The fireplace in the background has an eye and a top hat above it and it just reminds me of Sir Pentious

- Alastor’s song has so many Friends on the Other Side vibes and I love it

- There are so many Christian symbols (and Satanic symbols) in the background of this song and I just don’t want to spend that time looking at each one :l

- Alastor’s shadow is also here further nailing the Friend on the Other Side vibe (not to mention the other shadows and voodoo doll things)

- Poor Niffty, she should never get hurt

- When Sir Pentious is talking and it shows the chibi characters, Charlie, Angel, and Niffty are looking at Alastor and when it zooms in for a split second Angel’s face is the most innocent bab ever

- There’s a building in the background with (again) one eye and a top hat, there’s also a cat building right next to it

- You can see heaven as a planet with a halo...

- There’s also a sun(?) or moon(?) or planet(?) with a pentagram on it

- I know that Egg Boi #OUCH is just a joke, but what if after 666, Sir Pentious just started giving them stupid names like that?

- Again, religious symbols float around Alastor that I’m not going to look into because I’ve taken so much time T_T

- Niffty is actually unfazed by Alastor summoning tentacles and destroying Sir Pentious’ ship. Really she has a normal smile and face and she immediately follows Alastor when he walks back to the hotel

- Angel is still flirting with Husk

- Charlie reassuring Vaggie is adorable

- Are we not going to talk about the carousel and gigantic steam boat that’s just protruding from the hotel

- I also love how the windows at the top of skull designs <3

- There’s an eye on the top of the building and the sign of Happy/Hazbin Hotel could also look like a top hate (why are there so many one-eyed top hats like Sir Pentious’...?)

- Stay tuned TM

- Not from me but, Alastor changes the name to Hazbin Hotel and Hazbin means something that was great before but is terrible now or something that is meaningless

- So Alastor liking terrible jokes is now canon? The dad joke thing wasn’t just a stream thing, it’s actually canon?

- Alastor actually has a red ‘X’ on his forehead, you can see it right after he destroys Sir Pentious’ ship

- The art in the credits shows Cherri Bomb having a tattoo

- I would like to talk a little about the design that’s in the background during the credits. So in the middle is an apple that’s being held by two sharp hands, there are three snakes coming out of it with only one snake fully out but still seems to have originated from the apple. The snake that’s completely out is on the top and has some designs around it that emphasize it, making it look more like a king (the devil, duh). The other two snakes are going down (probably referencing Adam and Eve maybe? Even though they also seem evil I just think of Adam and Eve.) Under them is another snake head. There are two sets of eyes around the top snake, one set has a line going down the middle of each eye like a scar while the bottom set has eyelashes. Even though the bottom set looks more “girly”, it reminds me of Lucifer because of the dots under them. If you want to grasp at straws the complete bottom snake’s tongue sort of looks like the bottom part of the symbol of Lucifer. The three snakes that clearly originate from the apple in the middle can also look like “Three snakes and one charm” if you squint. The symbol above the top snake looks like the infinity symbol combined with the cross, but it’s not the leviathan cross, so maybe just eternal... crucifixion?

- The smoke coming from the pit that Alastor made has souls in it

- I think #23 is depressed because he really wants to be shot... and he was just sitting there next to a bunch of dead hims

- Vivziepop said on a stream something about Lucifer being “generally goofy, but it depends on his voice” or something like that, please correct me if I’m completely wrong. This makes me things that Lucifer is going to have multiple voice actors.

-The Loading Crew “Everything We Know About Hazbin Hotel” brings up a point that it seems like the only things that can kill demons and sinners are the Exterminators’ weapons which are sometimes left behind that demons scavenge, Vaggie also appears to have one. I recommend watching his video, it’s very quick but also brings up points I haven’t addressed.

And yeah, that’s all for now! ^_^ comment if you have something else to add or think I should change something

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aussiereader · 3 years

Text

AUGUST BOOK WRAP UP

I had a pretty good reading month this month and ended up reading 23 books.

My thoughts are below.

First book I read was a graphic novel called 'This was our Pact' by Ryan Andrews. This was a cute little graphic novel about a friendship between two boys who go on an adventure to find out where some lanterns go, being the only two that stuck by the pact they made.

What I enjoyed about this book was the friendship that built between the two boys. And since the main character is a kid he makes a bad decision like all kids do. I like that this is a realistic story about kids and it was very adorable growing into the story.

I gave this book 4 stars.

The second book I read was called I'm With Stupid by Geoff Harbach. This was a book where a football player isolates himself from a town by picking a school that made them believe he was betraying them. He befriends and becomes a mentor for a kid who isn't as popular and he's trying to figure out his steps when he graduates high school.

What I enjoyed about this book was that he didn't let himself ignore a kid who needed help and let himself be a protector for him.

I gave this book a 3.5 star.

I then read the Twisted Tale of Frozen Let It Go. This book is a story of what if Elsa and Anna never knew each other.

What I liked about this story and this whole series was that they build the stories behind these famous stories more, and give some of them more personality and a bigger story then just the short and thrown together story. Kristoff was actually a more built out character and this book also answered the question about what would happen if Elsa and Hans were a couple.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

The fourth book I read was Mystery of the Midnight Rider by Carolyn Keene. This is a Nancy Drew Mystery. Nancy Drew is a child detective who solves mysteries around her town of River Heights with her boyfriend and best friends.

What I liked about this book was childhood purposes, I loved this series when I was a little kid and teenager. This story knows what it is, they are mysteries for young girls and teenagers.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

I then read Reckless by Gemma Rogers. This was a story of a woman who develops a relationship with a student and then ends up being stalked by that student when she ends it.

My god this book was dark. Izzy, our main character has just moved into this town with her family to have a fresh start. But this book goes alot into the dangers of those relationships. I enjoyed the dark feel of this book, alot more then I should have but there was something that kept sucking me in, and there were moments when I didn't like the main character at all because she was making so many stupid decisions, but when this book went dark, they did it right.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

I then listened to the audiobook of Twice in a Blue Moon by Christina Lauren. This is about a woman who gets betrayed by someone she trusted and then they meet up again years later and find their way back to each other again.

I don't read alot of romance but for a readathon I needed something to fill the prompt and I read this. My god I didn't like this book, why would any woman go back to someone who betrayed everything about their trust and hurt her so much. I kept wanting this girl to just stop going back to him, even though I knew where the story was going, but I really didn't like that as the main plot. I did like the writing of it though, Christina Lauren can write, but I just didn't like the story plot itself.

I gave this book a 3 star rating.

I then read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. I don't really know how to describe what this book is about aside from a woman who starts a bookclub and writes to many friends about it.

I wanted to get into this book, but it was written in a way I couldn't follow, which is why I was happy I found the audiobook of it so that someone else could read it to me. I do recommend this to someone who is into this genre of book, but it wasn't as good as I wanted it to be.

I gave this book a 3 star rating.

I then listened to the audiobook of Monday's Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson. This story is about a girl who realises her best friend is missing and is the only one who seems to care.

My god I loved this book. The way that it went into so many different topics and covered them well, and presented the story of trying to search for a missing black girl so well. This story was good from start to finish and I think more people need to read this book.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

I then read Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan. This is the the 4th book in the Percy Jackson series and it continues to follow the story of Percy Jackson and his friends as they prepare for the final battle.

This was my favourite book in the story so far and it continues to tell the story quite well and is a great continuation of the story.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

I then read 17 Marigold Lane by R.M Gilmore. This is the story of a girl who finds out she's dying and befriends an autistic boy who has been hidden away from the world.

God, this book made me feel so many emotions. I went from feeling happy and sad, but then also angry because I met the parents and hated them almost immediately because of how they treated or didn't care about their son. Everyone should read this book because it goes into some deep topics and teaches quite well about aspererger's and what it actually does to people.

I gave this book a 4 star rating. It would've been a 5 star, but the parents annoyed me too much.

I then did an audiobook for the story Dead Girl Walking by Linda Joy Singleton. This was a story about a girl who dies and finds her way back to the wrong body.

I enjoyed parts of this book because it was funny, but it wasn't the most well written book I've ever seen. It was fine for what it is, but it could've been more and done alot better.

I gave this book a 3 star rating.

The next book I read was Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. This is a story of a couple that turns dark when his wife turns up missing.

I kept this book synopsis vague because otherwise it gives away the premise of the story, but it is definitely worth reading. The twists in this book were semi predictable, but I still liked the way they played it out.

I gave this book a 3.5 star rating.

I then read Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian by Rick Riordan. This is the final book in the 5 book series and what all of the book so far have been building up to, the final battle of the Gods.

I thought this was a amazing closer to the series and was executed well. Like this is what it's been building up to and this is what the story is essentially and I loved the way it was done. This is a story that I think everyone should read at some point, whether you, or your kids.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

The next book I read was Don't Believe It by Charlie Donlea. I originally read this book because I read two more of Charlie Donlea's stories and enjoyed them, and I didn't really like this book as much as those. I think because of the ending more then anything else is what made me not like it much. Normally the endings are what I like the most about his stories, but this one just fell short for me.

So this became a 3.5 star rating.

I then listened the audiobook for The House on the Cerulean Sea by T.J Klune. This is a book about a social worker that gets sent to a house to inspect and complete a report.

I wanted to like this book, but I think parts of it went downhill and wasn't the way I wanted it to go. I think my rating would've been lower if I read the book physically, and I can't pick why I didn't like it as much as I wanted to. But normally I do end up liking less hyped books more then hyped ones.

I gave this book a 3 star rating.

I then read The Taken by Inbali Iserles. This is the first book in a series called Foxcraft. This is a story of a fox trying to find her way back to her family who has all disappeared.

I thought this book was cute for what it was, but I was clearly not the target audience for this book since it's clearly made for kids. But for what it was I enjoyed it, as it's quite a fun adventure story and I would read it again if I ever had children around.

I gave this book a 3 star rating.

I then read Poisoned by Jennifer Donnelly. This is a retelling of Snow White which goes more on the fairytale rather then the Disney movie, since it uses more then just the poisoned apple approach. I did enjoy this book and it definitely built on the naivety of Snow White as a child, and her building inside herself to become a queen. Some parts of it were cliche, but since it was based off a fairytale they were able to be slipped past in my mind.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

I then read the graphic novel 'Miles Morales: Shockwaves'. This is exactly what it was a Spiderman graphic novel that is based off the Into The Spiderverse story rather then the known story. I did enjoy this book for what it was but I can't really be too disappointed because it's a graphic novel so there wasn't much depth to it.

I gave this book a 3.5 star rating.

I then read Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. This is a story of a young girl falls through a rabbit hole into a whole new world. I didn't like this book as much as I wanted to, and I know it was a book made for children, but it wasn't as good as it could've been even for kids.

I gave this book a 3 star rating.

Then I read The House by the Sea by Louise Douglas. This is a story about a couple who get sent back to an old house in England, that was left to them, but the house has haunted memories included. I don't really know what I was expecting from this book, but I kind of enjoyed it. I haven't heard people talking about this book at all, but I think it was actually quite a good story, even if I picked half of the ending, but the other half I didn't.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

Then I finally read the Tale of Magic by Chris Colfer. This is a fantasy story where magic has been banned in the world and our main character needs to change that. I actually didn't like this book at the start, maybe because of the sexist beliefs in it. But I did end up actually enjoying it, even if it took a few things from other fantasy stories.

I gave this book a 4 star rating.

The final book I read was the audiobook of Growing up Disabled in Australia. This is a collection of short stories from disabled adults in Australia. I don't like giving a strong opinion on non fiction, so I won't go into it. I also don't rate people's real stories so this is it for this book.

This is my wrap up and I actually had a very good reading month. The most I've read in a while.

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ghostbustermelanieking · 7 years

Text

miraculous

part of the half-light universe. (set mid-chapter 15 technically?)

i know i said i’d never write any more in this universe once upon a time. i lied. this is an experimental thing from a document of snippets i’ve been writing in this universe. i may never fully leave it lol.

It feels too familiar.

The hospital is better than the ramshackle room in Georgia, more comfortable, but she keeps forgetting. The faces of the doctor, the nurse keep blurring into the faces of strangers, come for her baby. Monica Reyes’s voice blends with the doctor as she is encouraged to push. Mulder is there, which is different, and that is probably the only comfort in the moment. He holds her hand, whispers softly to her and brushes damp hair off of her forehead, and keeps her grounded to earth. To reality. “It's okay, Scully,” he's saying over and over again. “It's okay, I promise, we're going to be parents. You can do this.” She cries out with another contraction, crushing Mulder's hand, and he presses a kiss to the top of her head.

When it's over, she knows. More sure than she was before. She hears the earsplitting cry, and she just knows. The doctor holds him up and it's him. Her son.

“William,” she whispers, and she's reaching for him unconsciously. The doctor hands him to her and she's overwhelmed, she's shaking. She's crying and tucking the blankets tighter around his tiny body. “Oh, baby,” she whispers. “It's okay. I'm here. I'm not letting go.”

Mulder's crying, too. He keeps one arm wrapped around Scully and reaches down to cup William's head in his hand. William is crying, arms waving, and he looks exactly the same, eyes wide and blue. Scully sniffles, stroking his forehead, running a finger down the bridge of his nose. “I missed you,” she whispers, voice breaking.

If the nurse thinks this is a strange thing for a mother to say to her newborn, she doesn't comment. She shows Mulder how to cut the umbilical cord before scooping William up to clean him up. Scully immediately misses his presence. She turns towards Mulder, pressing her forehead into his upper arm, and whispers, “It's William, it's really William. We were right.” She feels rather than sees Mulder nodding, his hand stroking her hair gently. She wipes tears from her face and laughs a little. Mulder loops an arm around her shoulders and she presses her face into his side. This world is full of second chances, and this is the ultimate one. They cannot fail their son again. “We can't let him go,” she says into the scrubs they made Mulder wear over his clothes. “Mulder, we can't… we have to protect him…”

“Of course,” he whispers, his voice shaking. “I'm not leaving you guys this time. We're going to be a family, Scully, I swear.”

A family, she thinks, balling a hand in the gauzy blue material. Good.

It feels like an eternity before they bring William back, but it's a relief when they do. It washes over her all at once when they place him in her arms, pulls her out like the tide. Mulder's outside making phone calls; in the moment, it's just the two of them. She doesn't think about the last time she saw him: the way his face had screwed up when she handed him over to the social worker, his arms still reaching for her because he hated strangers, the way she'd almost followed them but stopped herself, collapsing against the door with sobs racking her body. She doesn't think about that. She holds her son close, watches him teeter on the edge of sleep, wrapped in a blue blanket. His hands get tangled in her hair where it's unraveled from its braid. She smiles down at him, a tear dripping off the edge of her nose. He's not a miracle here, but to her, he'll always be one.

“I still think he looks like Skinner,” Mulder says from beside her, brushing a hand over her shoulder as he sits beside her on the bed.

She sniffles, looking up at him with a look that’s probably horribly sappy and she doesn’t care at all, not one bit. “And I still think you're full of shit,” she says affectionately, scooting over so he can sit beside her.

“Scully!” He looks horrified. “Not in front of the baby!”

She rolls her eyes, but he's grinning at her so she grins back. She transfers William carefully to his waiting arms. Mulder cradles him gently, eyes full of deep wonder and love. The baby starts to fuss, arms waving desperately. “Hey now,” Mulder soothes, “none of that.” Scully hides her smile against his shoulder.

William fusses for a few minutes more before quieting down. Scully rests her chin on Mulder's shoulder so they can both watch him sleep. “You must be exhausted,” says Mulder softly.

“I am,” Scully murmurs. “But I'm so happy. I can't believe this, Mulder.”

“Me, either,” he whispers. “I can't believe he's here. I didn't… I didn't think it was possible.”

“Don't give up on a miracle. Remember?” She kisses her cheek and strokes William's forehead before leaning back into the pillows. God, she can't wait to go home. Their apartment, one they picked out on their own where they can raise their son and she won't have to see bloodstains on the walls or on the pillows.

“You must have an elephant’s memory, Scully. After 27 years, you remember all my best lines.” Mulder shifts to the chair next to the bed, eyes glued to the baby.

“Mmm. Just the sweet ones,” Scully mumbles, unraveling the remnants of her braid and curling into the bed, pulling the blankets around herself. She watches Mulder and William, her vision focusing in on them like a beacon. They are all she sees.

She doesn't remember falling asleep, but she wakes up sometime later with moonlight streaming into the room. William's asleep in a hospital bassinet next to the bed and Mulder's slumped in the hard chair on the other side. He looks like he's sleeping, too, but he raises his head when he hears her stirring and immediately smiles. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Scully shifts in bed, wincing at the pain that hasn't quite left yet. “How's he doing?”

“He's fine.” Mulder reaches over the space between the beds for her hand and she takes it. “I asked the nurses to leave him in here so we could keep an eye on him. He's been sleeping a lot.”

“Big day.” She stretches, craning her neck to get a good look at William.

Mulder squeezes her fingers. “The cavalry's coming in tomorrow morning,” he relays. “Or at least your side of the family; Mom mentioned flying down next week, after we're settled in.”

It's strange to think about all the family William had (they have) now, even after all these years. All the people he never would've gotten to meet who are here. In the other place, her mother was the only family to visit her in the hospital, Bill and Tara and Matthew flying up a few weeks later (after Mulder was already gone). Now there's a whole string of people who have survived, the family she'd lost. The family he'd lost. The family they got back. She's never been anything but grateful for that. “Sounds good,” she says.

She pulls at Mulder's hand until he's sitting on the bed beside her, his head on her shoulder. They watch William sleep.

---

Samantha and Melissa show up first, carpooling for the simple reason that they are living together until Samantha gets a college degree or feels safe living on her own. (“Whichever comes first,” she'd said to Scully over tea a few months ago.) Their sisters seemed to form something of a bond on the crazed trip to save them earlier in the year, and it’s simultaneously the strangest and best thing Scully ever could’ve imagined.

"It's convenient," Melissa cracks when they arrive, leaning down to kiss Scully’s cheek. "We only have to make one trip to both meet our new nephew."

“Fox told us it was a boy last night,” Samantha adds from the door. “I just want to apologize in advance for how crazy the Mulder genes are going to make this kid, Scully.”

“Hey!” Mulder protests.

Scully laughs, even though she almost feels like crying. These aunts that William never would've met, and they're here now. It feels a little miraculous. Too many miracles to count, now. “I kind of expected that.”

Melissa comes to her sister's side, leaning over the baby. “What're you going to call him?”

“Here, you want to hold him?” Scully shifts the baby into Melissa’s arms.

“William,” Mulder supplies.

Melissa snorts. “Yeah, like there's not already fifty William Scullys,” she says teasingly, rocking William a little, winking at Scully to show she isn’t serious. “Or is it William Mulder? There's one of those too, isn't there?”

“Unfortunately,” Samantha says dryly. “Maybe this one will turn out better.”

“It's William Scully,” clarifies Mulder. “It felt right.”

“And we're not calling him any variations on Bill,” Scully adds, reassuringly.

“Dad’ll like it for sure, Dana, but Billy is gonna be furious,” Melissa says, letting William grasp her finger. “He wanted to name his first boy William Scully III.”

“Funny,” Scully says lightly. “Tara told me she liked the name Matthew.”

Samantha studies the baby with a furrowed brow. “I think he looks like you,” she says to Mulder. “In all those old pictures Mom loves dragging out… she's going to be over the moon, you know.”

“Here, you want a turn?” Melissa passes William to Samantha. Samantha looks slightly terrified, but takes the baby carefully, like he might break. Melissa is staring at William's face with great concentration before announcing, “He definitely has your eyes, though, Day.”

“That's what I said,” Mulder agrees. “Her coloring, too.”

Samantha chews on her lower lip as she looks down at the baby. “He's adorable,” she says finally.

Scully laughs. “He is.”

She pets William's downy head for a moment before passing him back to Mulder. His tiny fingers curl and uncurl in the air as he whimpers; Mulder shushes him softly, rocking him back and forth. Samantha smiles a little, goes to tickle the bottom of the baby's feet.

Melissa comes over to sit by the bed. “Mom's elated, you know,” she says. “She's still so sad she missed out seeing Charlie’s son born; she's delighted to have two new grandkids in one year.”

Scully smiles waterily. She pushes back memories of her mother's face when she found out that William was gone, in the other place. Reminds herself that it isn't going to happen here. She can see Samantha tickling the baby, Mulder laughing. Melissa sitting beside her. The aunts William never would've known. She sniffles, wiping her eyes.

“Oh, Dana, what's wrong?” Melissa wraps an arm around her.

Scully shakes her head ruefully. “Hormones,” she sniffles into Melissa’s shoulder.

Melissa ruffles her hair playfully. “Crybaby.”

“Shut up,” Scully says, half laughing, slugging her shoulder in the shoulder. She can't remember the last time she was this happy.

---

They're allowed to go home the next day. Scully immediately retreats to the bedroom, mumbling something about hospital mattresses being hell and sleeping for ten years after she kisses William on the forehead. Mulder paces the apartment with the baby, holding him up to the windows and showing him the rooms. William blinks at the fish tank, waving his hands at the burbling water. “That one's a molly,” Mulder says, bouncing him a little. “And that's a goldfish, Will, look.” William stuffs his fist in his mouth, uninterested. Mulder’s amused at this. “Well, you'll have to listen to me someday, kid,” he tells the baby seriously. William gnaws on his fist, looking Mulder right in the face, a look of almost equal seriousness (well, in newborn standards) on his face. Mulder laughs and kisses the tip of his son’s nose.

William seems to be growing tired after a while, eyelids drooping and tiny yawns. Mulder goes into the bedroom, intending to put him in his crib, but between the sight of Scully curled on the bed, hair hanging in her face, and William's fist curled into his shirt, he finds himself unable to. He crawls onto the bed beside Scully, pillowing William on his chest.

As soon as the mattress dips under his weight, Scully rolls towards him, resting her head on his shoulder. “Are you sleeping?” Mulder whispers, adjusting William in place. He snuffles quietly but doesn't cry.

“Yes,” she mumbles, and he smirks. She presses her nose into his collarbone. “Missed you guys, though.”

“Mmm.” He kisses her temple. She keeps her eyes closed, forehead pressing into the side of his neck. He watches William slowly drift off to sleep, can feel his son's breaths against his chest, and he's overwhelmed with love. He's always regretted how little he got to be a father in the other place--how he was barely around for Scully's pregnancy, even after he was returned, how he missed the birth, how he left after only three days, three goddamn days, and William was gone when he got back. But he's here now, he's here, and he is never letting go. He loves this feeling too much to ever let go. He wants to live in this moment forever, wants to do this again. Wants to give William a little sibling someday, someone for him to grow up with. He strokes his son's downy hair with one hand, mumbles, “Let's have another,” against Scully's head.

She slugs him in the shoulder, muttering furiously, "You're hilarious. Talk to me in four years or so."

One corner of his mouth tugs up, and he leans down to kiss the top of Scully's head softly. "He's so perfect," he says. "We made this, Scully."

Scully opens her eyes, scoots a little closer to William and runs her fingers over his arm, whispering, “Hi.” William makes soft sounds that makes Mulder's heart swell; he turns to smile at Scully and she smiles back, a full-blown Scully grin that feels like looking straight into the sun. He leans forward and kisses her softly, their noses bumping together.

Scully smiles again, brushing hair off his face, before scooping William up and cradling him to her chest. “I'm going to put him down,” she says. “And then I'm going to go eat that casserole Mom said she stuck in the oven because I'm starving.”

Mulder laughs and kisses her again. “I'll go heat it up, okay?”

“Thank you.” Scully climbs off of the bed, crossing to the crib, and Mulder heads out into the kitchen. He's halfway convinced Maggie is a saint at this point, and her casserole feels like a confirmation. Just the sight of it makes his stomach growl like an angry werewolf. He sticks the tray in the oven and fixes Scully some tea. She pads out of the bedroom a few minutes later, hair wild around her shoulders and eyes sleepy, but they light up at the sight of the tea kettle. “I love you,” she says happily.

“William will be so relieved,” he teases and she rolls her eyes, still smiling.

They end up at the kitchen table, eating quietly. Mulder's already finished with his first piece and going for his second when he feels Scully's hand cover his. “Do you really want more kids?” she asks quietly. When he looks back at her, her face is largely neutral. She's waiting to see what he says.

“Yes,” he says. “I mean, someday, when Will's a little older… but I think it'll be good for him.” He swallows. “Being an only child isn't fun… no one to play with.” She smiles a little at that. He turns his hand up underneath hers. “What do you think?” he asks gently.

She's still smiling, just a little bit. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, contemplating. “I like the idea,” she says. “I mean, I might not be enthusiastic about doing this all over again right this moment… but yes. I do like the idea. But, Mulder… we don't have to plan this all out right now. It… it would be crazy to plan all this out right now.”

“I know,” he says quickly, brushing his fingers over her palm. “It's just… nice to think about. You know?”

She smiles wider, rubbing his hand with her thumb. “I do.”

They sit in silence for a moment, hands clasped across the table, until a piercing cry comes from the bedroom. Scully shakes her head ruefully. “And here comes the process to changing your mind, right?” she teases.

Mulder makes a face at her. “I got him, Scully,” he says, getting up from the table. “You stay here and eat. I'll bring him out if he's hungry.”

“Mmm, thanks.” She brushes a hand against his hip as he passes. “I'm so glad you're here,” she whispers, so low he almost misses it.

Don't worry, Scully, he thinks, entering the bedroom. I'm not going anywhere.

---

Three days later, Scully wakes up in the middle of the night to find Mulder's side of the bed empty. He wouldn’t leave, she reminds herself, propping up on one elbow. He probably just got up to use the bathroom or something. But that doesn’t soothe the tight knot in her stomach as she pictures Mulder walking away, white-knuckling a suitcase with tears on his cheeks and the taste of him still in her mouth, William wailing in the background. She swallows. She crawls across the bed a little further, and finds the crib empty, too, the blanket flat on the mattress. Panic seizes in her throat, and she tries not to scream. No, she thinks, the words building up in her throat and threatening to explode from her lips. No, no, no, no, no. She darts down the hall, on the verge of screaming their names, only to stop abruptly when she sees Mulder on the couch with William asleep on his chest. She stumbles, freezing in place, heart pounding so hard that she thinks Mulder must be able to hear it.

“Scully?” He sees her, eyes widening questioningly. “He was getting fussy and you haven't had a full night's sleep in days… I knew you had some milk pumped in the fridge… I fed him and he fell asleep, and…”

Scully takes a shaky breath, trembling in place, and waits for him to figure it out.

He seems to realize what she thought all at once. Three days. “I'm sorry,” he says quickly. “I’m so sorry, Scully, I thought…”

Scully blinks back tears, and she goes to sit on the couch, wrapping her arms tightly around them. It had always seemed like she'd had to trade Mulder for William and vice versa, even before someone tried to force her to make that choice. After Mulder was taken, she'd found out about William, and after he was born, Mulder had left. When she'd given William up, Mulder had returned shortly after. It had always seemed impossible, the idea that she could have them both at once. She'd felt like she'd have to choose sooner or later. She’d felt like one of them was going to have to leave.

Scully kisses her son's forehead, and turns her face against Mulder's shoulder. Her fingers curl into his shirt--because even though she knows he won’t leave, she feels as if she has to hold him here, just in case. “Don't do that again,” she whispers. “I thought… I just… don't do that again. Please. I thought you were gone. I thought I'd lost you both.”

“I'm not going anywhere,” he promises them both. He kisses the top of her head, scoots backwards so he's mostly lying down. William stays asleep, snuffles a little and curls tiny fingers around the collar of Mulder's t-shirt. Scully leans into his side, bringing her hand up to rest on William's back. Mulder pulls her closer, holding both of them at once. “I'm not going anywhere,” he repeats in a whisper.

---

It gets easier over time.

The nightmares stop. Scully is able to move William's crib out of their room and into his own room down the hall. She stops hovering over him constantly, is able to leave him with her parents or Melissa and Samantha for an evening. When he has his first birthday, she feels like she can breathe easily now, like the deadline is up. It's ridiculous to think that she'd lose him (give him up) at the same time she did in the other place, but she couldn't shake the feeling, no matter how many times she told herself she wouldn't, no matter what, never again. But it feels like letting out a held breath when William's birthday passes and he is still here and Mulder is still here. She feels like she can breathe again, can stop worrying.

Scully decides to keep the teaching position at Quantico she took on during the end of her pregnancy, at least on a part-time basis. Skinner arranges it so she can work with Monica and Mulder on the X-Files, at least part time. (Monica Reyes was reassigned to the X-Files after everything that happened in Oregon, and Mulder seemed to agree with the decision, suggesting that Scully use this as an excuse to take a step back for her and the baby. It’s worked pretty well so far: Monica’s enough of a believer to keep Mulder happy, sensible enough to keep them out of trouble most of the time, and Scully’s there to provide the skeptical voice of reason--her words--most of the time. Occasionally, Monica calls John Doggett for input. It works well, especially considering Monica’s budding relationship with Melissa.) Mulder and Scully have something of an agreement that she'll focus on work in the morgue and he'll keep from taking crazy risks in the field or running off by himself. They are both tired--not tired enough to stop, maybe, but tired enough to take a step back. Their son looms heavy in both their minds. “Whatever happens, I want us to get home to him,” Mulder says one night at the kitchen table, reaching across the table for her hand. “Both of us.” She squeezes it hard, nodding, tears burning at the back of her eyes.

It's not as hard as she expected, being parents and staying at the FBI. (Definitely easier than single motherhood, autopsies and muddled X-Files and the constant worry about her family.) She only teaches a couple of classes a week when he's still little, after her maternity leave ends, so she can take care of him for most of the day. They usually take him into Baltimore, to Melissa’s or her parents, when she has to teach, but sometimes Mulder will just take Will to the office with him when he's not on a case and can keep an eye on him. At one point, Scully comes down to the office to pick William up and finds Mulder pacing around the office taking on the phone about vampires, William in a sling on his chest. William is sucking on a pacifier contentedly, legs swinging in the air. “No, it should be two puncture wounds on the neck,” Mulder says impatiently, taking another lap around the desk. “Two. Did Agent Reyes not brief you?” He passes Scully and picks up William's little hand, waving it at her as he goes. She hides a smile behind her hand.

They've never actually gotten to be parents together, and it turns out that they are good at it. A little eccentric (Melissa’s words), maybe, but good. It's a little bit of a learning curve on Mulder's part, but that's to be expected. Scully's grateful for her previous experience as much as she is grateful that the threat of danger is gone. (Which isn't to say she doesn't tense, every now and then, when lights stream through the window. That she doesn't tighten her hold on William, or step a little closer to the crib. But it's like Mulder had told her again and again during her pregnancy: the aliens aren't coming back. It's over. She's prepared for the possibility that it's not, but in the moment, she allows herself to think that it is. That they're safe.) They're a team in raising their son as much as they are in the FBI, and it works beautifully. They are happy. This new life, being parents, feels like peace. It feels like home.

#i dont even fucking know #but heres one of the aforementioned snippets #this universe is fun to write in; i'd forgotten that #xf fanfic #i wrote this

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wimpyrusherwizard · 7 years

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“Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul” - My review

(***WARNING!!! May contain positive opinions!!!!)

I walked into this movie feeling two separate emotions: 1) I was prepared to despise it and whatever downgrade that came along with it. And 2) I still wanted to approach this with as much of an open mind as I could and give it a chance. Apart from the recasting controversy, the surge of downvotes on the film’s trailers on YouTube that surely make A Christmas Story 2 blush (yes, that actually exists), and the scathing reviews it has received on Rotten Tomatoes, you must ask yourself a few questions…does it really warrant the critical thrashing it’s being given? Does it deserve to be shunned away from the rest of the franchise? Is it worth my time just to check it out and see what all the hate is about? Is this just a shameless cash grab to make a quick buck for Fox? Well, let’s dive in and find the answers to these harrowing questions, shall we?

This latest installment in the Wimpy Kid films follows protagonist Greg Heffley (now portrayed by Jason Drucker) and his family getting ready to embark on a family road trip for his grandmother’s 90th birthday. But after a ballpit mishap forever brands Greg as an internet meme known as “Diaper Hands”, our hero decides to use this family trip to his advantage. His plan is to reroute the van GPS to a video game convention so he can meet his favorite YouTuber, an obnoxious, catchphrase-spewing gamer named Mac Digby, and appear in his next video with the hopes that everyone will eventually forget the “Diaper Hands” incident. As the Heffleys hit the road, numerous hijinks ensue, including: another vacationing family with a crazy bearded patriarch who has it out for Greg, faulty car engines, dive-bombing pigeons who have an insatiable hunger for Cheese Puffs, disgusting roach motels, a technology ban that the mother Susan (now played by Alicia Silverstone) reinforces with an iron fist, a baby pig, and several other road movie inconveniences.

Seeing as how multiple DOAWK fans, or at least the ones I’ve come across in my life, can attest to the fact that The Long Haul is one of the weaker books in the series, the fact that they chose to adapt this book for the screen was baffling at best. To pad out the runtime, the screenwriters (one of the them being Jeff Kinney himself) borrow elements from the other books to make everything balance out and have a “cohesive narrative”. For me, the better part of the movie is the last half because that’s where the story gets you hooked and it keeps your interest in just what will happen to these characters on the rest of their journey. It’s the only portion of the film where they feel like they’re a real family and it delivers some heartwarming moments that actually got an “awwww” out of me! The first half is more plodding and meandering, confused on whether or not it should give the characters something funny to say or do and is where a solid chunk of the expected gross-out humor and groaner jokes are, playing out like a Disney Channel recut of the 2015 Vacation reboot/sequel. Be warned, easily disgusted…there’s a barf scene that will literally make you thank the sweet lord that this DOAWK movie was not released in 3D. That doesn’t mean there are ZERO laughs to be found. The comedy is present but is executed awkwardly at times, isn’t exactly up to par with the original movies, and is more scattered and sporadic. You just have to really keep focused to find the particularly humorous moments. Plus, four words: Psycho shower scene homage.

While many fans will disagree, the replacement cast doesn’t really bother me as much as I thought they would (except for a certain rock music-loving older brother in the family but we’ll get to him in a minute). Jason Drucker is aware he’s got some pretty big shoes to fill in taking over the role of Greg but you have to give this kid credit where credit is due. He’s got a bit of a young Zachary Gordon flair reminiscent of Greg in the first DOAWK movie but still manages to make this interpretation of the character something all his own. As for the parents, they aren’t too bad, either. They’re no Rachael Harris and Steve Zahn, but their acting abilities appear to be on both ends of the spectrum. Tom Everett Scott, playing dad Frank Heffley, looks slightly ashamed to be a part of the project but he toughs it out the best he can like a champ, and Alicia Silverstone on the other hand seems like she genuinely had a blast on the set and just enjoyed every second of being there. Bottom line, the brand new cast DOES pale in comparison to the original but they’re decent replacements and don’t half-ass their performances on screen. They were a pleasant surprise.

But then you got Rodrick, played by Charlie Wright. After the trailers were first released, the recasting of Rodrick was what pushed Wimpy Kid fans over the edge. “#NotMyRodrick” was a hashtag that blew up all over social media, resulting in countless upon countless internet memes and edits. I will admit, a lot of those memes are really hilarious. But one would put themselves in denial and figure, “Maybe they’re saving all the funny Rodrick scenes for when the movie comes out but now we’re just saddled with the unfunny material”. But putting the controversy aside, does Charlie Wright do the character any justice? Um…they got that Rodrick is in a band called Löded Diper and likes rock music. That’s really about it. Now, in the books and movies, he obviously isn’t the brightest bulb in the tanning bed but he was still fun. Devon Bostick was clearly going to be a tough act to follow because he brought likability to a character we’re supposed to hate. Plus, he was the original emo dreamboat in many a pre-teen/teen girl’s eye. Wright, however, either over exaggerates his lines or is way too laid back. And even then, he doesn’t really seem to take the role all that seriously and is basically winging it. Out of everyone in the film, they wrote him the laziest by dumbing him down to Patrick Star levels (oh yeah...PATRICK STAR LEVELS!!!) He confuses a hotel safe for a microwave *insert immediate facepalm here*, he literally has the line “We’ve got a pet pig, now that means we’ll get bacon every morning” *insert double facepalm*, eats nine sticks of deep-fried butter only to go on a ride at the country fair and declare “I could totally go for another stick of butter” after PUKING IT ALL UP on said ride, and plenty more but if i list everything, we’ll be here all night. The only “A” for effort he gets is for a freak-out scene near the end of the film and it’s one of the few parts that got me to laugh but I dare not give it away here!

I’m decidedly half-and-half so far, but what are the other elements of The Long Haul that need no nitpicking? The music score and the soundtrack are a lot of fun, the color palette and atmosphere pops off the screen and you feel like you’ve been transported back into the world of Greg Heffley again, and the final scene does get your heart in bizarrely sweet way. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a sucker for that kind of stuff.

My overall thoughts in general?

PROS: Most of the cast is alright, Jason Drucker is a passable Greg Heffley (I think Zachary Gordon would be very proud of him), the soundtrack, the last half is better than the first half because of its heart, only three laugh-out-loud scenes, and its aesthetic certainly feels like a DOAWK film.

CONS: Majority of the comedy comes off as confused and unsure, Charlie Wright as Rodrick (seriously, man, what did they do to your character?), the gross-out humor is too much, most of the jokes fall flat, the first half could’ve been written better, and it somehow feels much longer than the past films but yet it has the shortest runtime out of them all (90 minutes).

FINAL THOUGHTS: I can most definitely understand why critics are tearing this movie apart and why fans would do the same, too. Personally, I’m glad I at least sat down and gave The Long Haul a chance. Is it as great as the original movies? No. But for what it is, it could’ve been waaay worse! Would this have fared better by going direct-to-DVD, done as an animated special for Cartoon Network, or as a Netflix Original Movie rather than be released theatrically? Yes. Is it the trainwreck we all anticipated it’d be? Not really. It’s bad but not horrendous. Am I gonna watch it multiple times like I have with the past films? Nah, one viewing is good enough for me. While it is an unnecessary installment, The Long Haul is harmless and if you watch it only to find yourself loving it, then that’s awesome; it doesn’t make you an idiot or a bad person. It means that at the very least, you were able to find more to love in it than I could. So, if I had to give this a letter grade, let’s make it a “C” or “C-”.

#diary of a wimpy kid #doawk #the long haul #greg heffley #review #me #mine #rodrick heffley #jeff kinney #susan heffley #frank heffley #manny heffley #rowley jefferson #don't hate me everybody #i wanted to give this movie a proper review #dog days #rodrick rules #movie review

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tatooedlaura-blog · 7 years

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Twenty-second Christmas

the series is as follows so far:

First … Second … Third … Fourth … Fifth … Fifth Christmas, Part 2 … Sixth … Seventh … Eighth … Ninth … Tenth … Eleventh … Twelfth … Thirteenth … Fourteenth … Fifteenth … Sixteenth … Seventeenth … Eighteenth … Nineteenth … Twentieth … Twenty-first … Twenty-second … Twenty-third

———————–

I have to mess with the timeline again but I need another Christmas in here before Maggie dies so I’m putting one in and shifting the rest of the timeline … sue me … 8^)

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Maggie had lay down the law with his previous year’s Christmas gift. It was a smartphone, a simple one, one without a camera on it, one attached to her cell plan, one that she insisted he keep on now because she was getting old and if she fell, he would be the first one she’d call and he needed to be reachable at all times.

He tried to argue but she shut him down, good-naturedly and with mother’s love abounding but still, she told him to be quiet and do as he was told. He’d fought her but she was more stubborn than her daughter had ever been and much scarier so he relented, taking her at her word that she’d be calling him at random times just to check that it was on.

It didn’t annoy him.

It made his heart beat a little faster, however, at the prospect of something on in his house at all times that wasn’t ‘firewall-paranoid-Frohike would be proud, technologically protected from everyone in the world who was not him or Scully or Maggie’. He did, once he got home, stare at it for a long while, power it down, felt the crushing guilt of having turned it off, turned it back on, plugged it in in his office, shut the door, went to bed, returned five minutes later to retrieve it because he had sudden visions of Maggie falling down the stairs, Maggie burning the house down, Maggie getting in an accident, Maggie showing up to read him the riot act for having turned it off in the first place.

It took until the next morning for him to use it to call her with one simple response to the whole situation, “why wouldn’t you just call Scully? She’s closer and can sign forms and stuff and won’t need to wait for a cab to get to you.”

Maggie honestly had no idea it would take him this long to figure that out and she laughed, “just leave it on, Fox, for me.”

He did.

Now he called her like a normal human being, she called him and somehow, Scully began calling him … not often but at least once or twice a week, sometimes just to see if she had any mail there or if he was doing okay or if he needed anything …

Scully’s standard mode of caring when she wasn’t sure if she could handle admitting she cared.

He accepted the erratic thud of his heart when he saw her name flash on the caller ID and the second thud as he hit the accept button. It returned to its normal beat two minutes later when she deemed the conversation over, having satisfied some nameless need buried deep inside for another few days.

He accepted this, too.

&&&&&&&&&&&

They hadn’t eaten a meal together in nearly two years but Maggie had called about a dripping pipe and Mulder had come, even though it was a Wednesday and Scully had dropped by unannounced because it was Wednesday and not Tuesday and the moment she saw him, soaking shirt with a wrench in his hand and he saw her in a messy ponytail, keys dangling from the Apollo keychain held precariously in her teeth while she tried not to drop her purse and what looked like Maggie’s mail, her mother/his adopted mother felt a spark in the air, a flutter in the ozone, a blip on the radar and breathed a sigh of relief because, regardless of what may have happened between them in the last 24 months, the magic was still there, sleeping but stirring awake once again and palpable in her freezing living room.

“Dear, would you shut the door, please? Fox is going to freeze solid and I don’t think he’ll enjoy that.”

Scully quickly gathered her senses, dropping keys and mail, shutting door, opening door again to retrieve dropped keys before finally standing up, blowing stray hair from her eyes with a sudden puff upwards, “sorry. I just … wasn’t … sorry.”

Maggie nearly giggled but managed to contain her glee at her two people finally in a room once again, “it’s fine. Come on in. We were just about to have some dinner. Fox came over to fix a pipe that was dripping.” Twisting her hands gently, “old things don’t grip quite as well as they used to.”

Mulder scrambled out of the way, “yeah, sorry. Come on in. I’ll head out in a minute, just need to find a dry shirt.”

“Fox, I promised you dinner and you are staying. I’ve made your favorite so you don’t have much of a choice in the matter.”

Shrugging but smiling, he looked at Scully, “she really enjoys ordering me around.”

Returning the smile before quickly looking away, “she does it out of love.”

“She must adore me something fierce then.”

Tentatively touching his arm as she passed, “she does.”

Dinner itself wasn’t as awkward as it could have been but there were definitely moments, moments of dead air that pressed down, compressing the spine and shoulders, back hunching involuntarily under the weight of the silence. Scully excused herself to the bathroom in one moment … Mulder to blow his nose in another … both stood in unison for the third to bolt then both smiled shyly for a moment before turning their looks to a Maggie simply shaking her head, “we need some dessert and music. Dana, go find a decent station on the radio for me, please.”

All in all, it was a happy night, all three parties going to bed at ease with the world.

&&&&&&&&&&

Maggie had her normal, raucous Christmas with the family, sans Charlie and Bill but with enough grandchildren and grand nieces and nephews to fill her house to cacophonous capacity. She had invited Mulder but he was nowhere near ready for that and politely declined, telling Maggie he’d be around on the 27th with her gift and to help her clean behind the oven and refrigerator. Instead, he settled with an orange cat on his lap, a bag of Cheezits so if some got on the animal, he’d never know and six bottles of ice tea and root beer.

Nearly asleep, with the cat ninja-like attempting to steal snacks from the open box, he startled awake at the sound of a quiet knock on the front door. Jerking upwards, the cat, the crackers and two empties clattered to the floor, the yowling cat jumping immediately to the coffee table to give Mulder a piece of her mind at the disturbance.

He ignored the cat, optioning to panic at the midnight rapping at his entryway. Peering cautiously through the front curtain, he saw Scully’s car and pulled the door open immediately, “what’s wrong? What happened? Is Maggie okay?”

His intruding presence, inches from her, panic look on his face made her smile, arms automatically going to his chest, pushing him back slightly into the house and out of the freezing wind, “we’re all fine, Mulder, I promise.”

Next he pulled her further in, shutting the door, softest touch of coiled steel to her forearms, “are you sure?”

“Yes, honest, I swear to you. She’s fine. I’m fine. Everyone’s fine. I left there about a half-hour ago and everybody was just going to bed.” Still bundled in her coat and knit rainbow stocking cap with the tassles on top, her pink cheeks peeking through her matching rainbow scarf, “I just wanted to come wish you a Merry Christmas.”

Studying her for another second, he deemed her honest and let out a sigh, “you scared me.”

“I’m sorry. Truly. I didn’t think. I should have called to warn you.” He saw the doubt at her side excursion creeping into her eyes, which began darting around the room, then angling towards her escape, “I can go though. Sorry … sorry again.”

Finally smiling in her direction, “get in here. I need help drinking my root beer.”

Raised eyebrow met crinkling forehead, “root beer?”

“No liquor for me anymore. Interferes with the meds.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, he nodded over his shoulder, “me and Flab share us some of that fine New England root beer every so often. Keeps us young.”

Hearing her name, the cat jumped from table to couch to end table to chair back to Mulder shoulder in silence, perching as if she were queen of the kingdom and Mulder was her throne. Scully laughed, “Flab?”

He scratched the cat’s chin, “Flab.” Finally remembering the rest of his manners, “shit, sorry. Would you like to stay?”

Great debates raced through her mind, even as she was shrugging out of her coat, stuffing scarf and hat into her sleeve, “for a little bit.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Twenty minutes later, they were settled on the couch, Scully on one end, Mulder on the other, Flab stretched to maximum capacity in the middle, head pressed against his thigh and feet pushed against hers. The TV was on but mute and making the darkened room glow blue, “so, don’t hit me for this but I can’t ask your mom and I’ve been wondering for awhile now … what the hell happened with Charlie?”

Scully could only shrug, picking at the label of the bottle in her hand, “nobody really knows. Mom won’t tell me, Bill talks to him occasionally and can’t get anything out of him, Sarah, while she loves us and is around all the time, we’ve stopped asking because it just makes her cry and that bothers the kids and so … we just … ignore it, I guess. The kids bring him up sometimes and we all are fine with that but usually it’s just to say what they used to do with him or something he would have liked.” Turning her head and resting it on the couch, “I hate to say it but it’s like he’s died and we’ve moved on but he’s still alive and we don’t know how to move on.”

Moving his hand to touch her automatically, he discovered his reality a moment too late and instead of hanging there like an idiot, he nonchalantly dropped his hand to pet Flab instead.

Scully was not an idiot and knew what his hand movement had been about though she couldn’t fault him since her body anticipated the touch, craved it and standing up, she turned, then sat on the table, knees touching his, bottle still in hand, although not for long. Setting it down beside her, she let her fingers float over his denim, loose fitting cotton over hard thigh. She didn’t move any further up than just past his knee but it felt warm and comfortable and right.

“Scully?”

“Nothing’s going to happen, Mulder. I know it can’t but I haven’t touched you in centuries.”

His hand drifted to cover hers, digits between digits slipping in divots and dips. Fingerprints circle knuckles, palms against backs as his thumbs finally settle softly against wrists, “I miss you everyday, Scully. Every hour, every minute, every second, every millisecond and whatever the hell comes after that.”

She couldn’t begin to echo the sentiment, even come close to how much she missed him. Needing to break eye contact with him before she came apart completely, she looked around the room, letting the emotions settle, “not decorating this year, I take it?”

Beginning small circles on the softest skin known to man, he felt the delicate tendons under her skin, the underside of her wrist his sole dream in that moment, “I haven’t decorated since you left. I didn’t see any point to it. Have you decorated?”

Truth bubbled up, threatened to pour forth in a torrent of painful, hurtful words but a quick intake of air shored up the dam, “no. Haven’t been in a Christmas mood the last few years. I do well at Mom’s but I go home and I don’t want that there.”

“You don’t want what there?”

Shit, she couldn’t stop it now, “I don’t want that sense of permanence, the notion that I’m going to be there long enough to have to go out and get more decorations, pack things up and put them within easy reach for the next year. I’m not ready for that. I want a place that is mine but I’m not ready to call it my home yet. Decorations are for a home, Mulder, not a stale apartment in the city.” Tears pricked her eyes but always the expert at pushing through them, she blinked rapidly, although not fast enough to hide them completely, “I will someday but not yet.”

Checking the clock and seeing they still had about a half-hour, he squeezed her wrists lightly, “what do you think about decorating now? We could put up all our regular stuff and make this place look like it used to.”

Suddenly, she missed him so much her chest ached, a stabbing pain across her breastbone reminding her she did indeed have a heart, still broken but very much there. Fighting the logic racing through her brain, she nodded, “I’d like that.”

&&&&&&&&

Slipping into old habits instinctively, Scully set up the tree while Mulder hung stockings and garland. Both quietly placed ornaments until Scully came across the one her mother had made him. With a smile, “I knew she made you one, too! She didn’t answer me when I asked but she had that ‘I’ve got a secret’ look on her face.”

“What color is yours?”

“Red, white lettering.”

He scooted just a little closer, brushing shoulders with her, “you should have bought yours with you. We could have added it to the collection.”

“Maybe next time I come by.”

Mulder wanted to smile at the prospect of her coming by again but he couldn’t look forward to it, knowing disappointment would set him on edge so he chose to continue staring at the tree, feeling her warmth, her energy, the life he had once and would give almost anything to have again.

Scully felt it, too and nudging his hand with hers, no commitment, no expectation, just touch, “you got any hot chocolate around this place?”

“I think I got some on my last shopping trip. Flab likes to drink it with me on our Saturday dates.”

Following him to the kitchen, “you have a standing date with your cat on Saturday nights?”

He knew she wasn’t judging so he told her over his shoulder as he rummaged through cupboards, “yeah. We have tuna salad, carrots, biscuits and hot chocolate or steak, baked potatoes, spinach and hot chocolate. We eat on the couch and she gets to share and then she gets to lick my mug when I’m finished. After that comes brushing and then she falls asleep while I watch bad sci-fi.”

Deciding the past wasn’t as forbidden as she thought it was when she knocked on the door, “that sounds surprisingly like our Saturday date nights used to be as well.”

With a glance at her hair, “speaking of brushing, what happened to your hair? I mean, it looks good but it’s not the right color suddenly. I noticed earlier but forgot to ask.”

Self-consciously touching the strands against her shoulder, “yeah, so I was at the hospital and Methylene blue sprayed on me and dyed my hair a lovely shade of splatter-pattern Cobalt and it wouldn’t wash out so I had to bleach my whole head and then the woman who went to dye it back to my regular color did something and it came out like this. It’s paler than it used to be but I’m getting used to it.”

Reaching out to feel it, “are we mentioning the straw feeling?”

With a smile, she batted his hand away, “we are not and I was also informed that if I try to color it again in the next six months, it’ll all fall out of my head so I’m living uncomfortably with it until further notice.”

“Good to know.” As he pulled the hot mugs from the microwave, he handed her one, “I’m liking it, if that’s any consolation but I gotta say, I would have liked to have seen you as a blonde again. It’s been awhile.”

“Well, next time someone tries to turn me into a Smurf and I have to bleach, I’ll be sure to call you.”

Grinning, he nodded, “I’ll be waiting.”

Mugs in hand, they headed back to the couch, where they proceeded to sit until well after 3am, when half-asleep on his end of the couch, he suddenly remembered, “shit! Aren’t you due back at Maggie’s in two hours?”

Scully, more than half asleep on the other end, grunted quietly, “then I’ve got an hour and a half to sleep. Be quiet.”

Flab, happy to snuggle on the lap of the strange lady invading her home for the evening, stretched, kneaded, wiggled and purred her way to sleep, notifying the stranger, in no uncertain terms, she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“I don’t think the cat was going to let you leave anyways.”

“My kind of cat. G’night, Mulder.”

“G’night, Scully.”

&&&&&&&&&&&

Baffled as to how she got out of the house without disturbing him, he awoke to Flab on his lap, the Christmas tree lights still on and a new ornament on the tree.

Well, new to the tree but matching the one Maggie gave him the previous year. She’d smuggled hers over, sneaking it onto the tree before disappearing to her Christmas morning chaos. Picking up his puddle of cat, he held her, showing her Scully’s ornament, “that’s your mom’s. She’ll be back someday I hope but for now, I think we should decide to have truly enjoyed last night then move on to breakfast. What do you say … eggs? Pancakes? Tuna?”

The cat simply purred, licking his hand for a moment before going back to sleep.

He kissed the top of her head, “Merry Christmas, animal.”

“Mmmrrrorr.”

#msr #saturday nights dates with the cat #dropping by #christmas series #my writing #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic

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