#this is a theory of mine that is a constant in my brain

[vineboom-sfx]

Me: Having a normal dinner with my family

My brain: Cats Don’t Dance is a commentary on racism in the movie industry, using Animals to convey this to children so they can maintain a pg rating. You can see this due to the lack of poc people in the movie as a whole, and when they mention that animals are more accepted on Broadway than in Hollywood. It’s a fact that in the time before and around the movie was produced and shown that people of color, specifically African Americans, were better accepted on Broadway compared to Hollywood, which often gave them small or bad roles in comparison to Broadway musicals.

Me: EVERY FUCKING DAY—

#every fucking day #i remember #this is a theory of mine that is a constant in my brain #I refuse to look into it and be told I’m reading too far into it #this movie is a social commentary I swear my life on it #cats don’t dance

[milkywayhou]

You've Got Email (König x OC: Medical Student!Snow) PART III

Summary: When the Colonel from some Private Military Corporation group accidentally send KorTac's secret file via email to a random civilian girl and now they develop some weird relationship.

or

Snow now overthinking about how fucked up her situation can be

TWs: Slow burn (not really), Implies stalking behavior. I just wrote this for fun.

Words Count: 1.9k (The email contain 1.3+ words while the rest was Snow's 4Chan post)

----

From: [email protected]

To: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

05/13/23 at 01:38 am

Subject: A late night conspiracy ramble…

Hey!

Once again it’s a late night and these weary med student brain cells are firing off all kinds of…interesting theories and connections, to say the least.

For example, okay hear me out, but what if Big Pharma is actually run by ancient shape-shifting lizard people from the center of the hollow earth who feed on human adrenal gland fluid harvested during rituals conducted at Bohemian Grove, and they started the pharmaceutical industry just to get us all addicted to medication so we’re docile little cash cows?!

I know, I know, it’s utterly ridiculous…buuuuut it would explain a few things haha! Anyways, somehow my winding thought process led me back to pondering your own doubtless intriguing backstory, oh mysterious Colonel.

You’ve given mysterious snippets here and there, but never a straight history lesson, you sly dog. Care to unravel some of those shadows for this thirsty student? Like how’d you get into this line of work anyway?

Maybe share something to take my mind off lizard people conspiracies before this insomnia kills me. You’ve got me curious now!

Conspiracizing but also bedridden,

Snow

----

From: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

To: [email protected]

05/13/23 at 02:01 am

Subject: RE: A late night conspiracy ramble…

You’ve a vivid imagination, to be sure. As for my own history…it’s nothing so fanciful, I’m afraid.

I grew up isolated, with only books as company. Social skills proved…challenging. The bullying was constant. All I wanted was to disappear into the quiet of nature, far from the incessant noise inside my head.

By 17 I was desperate to escape, and the military offered just that. I dreamed of being a sniper – controlling chaos from afar through calm precision. But my frame and restlessness didn’t suit remaining still for long. They saw potential elsewhere. They assigned as an insertion specialist instead. It was difficult, but taught discipline. In time I learned to turn noise into focus, chaos into strategy.

Now I protect others as I wished to be protected then. It brings…solace, of a kind. Purpose, where once was only turmoil.

Get some rest, Snow. Sweet dreams.

König

----

From: [email protected]

To: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

05/13/23 at 02:14 am

Subject: RE: RE: A late night conspiracy ramble…

I see.

Thank you for sharing that with me. I can’t imagine how difficult those experiences must have been, but I’m grateful you found your calling in spite of them. It takes real strength of character to turn trauma into purpose like that.

Also, I should say the bullying says far more about their weakness of spirit than anything about you. Their loss, as it brought you to where you’re meant to be – helping people in your own way. I can’t help but smile thinking of a tiny bookworm König dreaming of sniping lizards in the woods! Well, you may not be in the trees anymore but it seems your aim is truer than ever.

Thinking on childhoods, mine wasn’t all sunshine either as an awkward kid. Let’s just say blending in was…challenging, to put it lightly. Between moving a lot after my parents split and living with various relatives, school was an escape into study. Seemed the safest route to gain some footing and make the family proud, at least. Kept me busy avoiding the realities outside books for a while too, I suppose. Somehow I suspect lonely bookworm me and you may have gotten along splendidly if our paths crossed back then!

Anyways, not sure where I’m going with this aside from reflecting our younger selves may have found solace in one another, strange as that sounds now in these roles. At least we’ve come into our own in the end, in our own ways. Small favors and all that.

Just a light note before sleep – rest well, König!

Your friend,

Snow

----

From: [email protected]

To: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

05/28/23 at 08:27 pm

Subject: Essay Woes and Cadaver Flashbacks

Ugh,

My apologies for this incoherent word vomit you’re about to endure. I’m approximately 5-7 days into an all-nighter essay crunch and my last two brain cells are DANCING.

This final assignment is killing me dead but at least after it’s over I can finally be done with med school! *insert jubilant celebration emoji* Of course that’s if I don’t starve to death first living off instant ramen. I’m positively wasting away without a decent meal. At this rate they’ll be teaching anatomy lectures using my lifeless body.

Whoever invents a magic food delivery service that beams freshly cooked meals directly to overworked students is getting a freaking Nobel Prize. A girl can dream, right? At this point I’d kill a man for a good pizza. *hideshypotheticalmurderweaponbehindback*

Anyways, in my spiral of delirium my thoughts keep wandering back to that fateful day months ago when I randomly received your classified KorTac email out of nowhere. Still bewildered how you even had my address to begin with…were you watching me, Colonel? *pretends to be frightened but is secretlyflattered*

Getting that file was kinda scary at first, not gonna lie. Reminded me of the first time we received our cadavers – that creepy feeling of being watched even after leaving the lab. Is that what it’s like being you, always paranoid someone has intel on you? :)

Anyways, enough gibbering – just wanted to share my pain and also wonder again how our wacky email friendship began! Stay safe out there in whatever shady places your work takes you. And send help – I mean, good luck with all the classified stuff!

Tired and Hangry,

Snow

----

From: [email protected]

To: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

05/28/23 at 08:40 pm

Subject: WHAT DID YOU DO

KÖNIG I SWEAR TO GOD

I LITERALLY JUST GOT A DELIVERY AT MY DOOR. IT WAS PIZZA AND IT WAS ALREADY PAID FOR

DUDE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T HACK INTO MY LOCATION OR SOME SHIT. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE??

I’M FREAKING OUT A LITTLE NOT GONNA LIE. I KNOW YOU HAVE ACCESS TO SHADY TECH BUT PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T TRACK ME DOWN

I was joking in my last email! Sort of! Please say this was all just a coincidence. I don’t need some extra secret stalker on top of everything else ;____;

Explain yourself soldier man!!! My paranoia can only be quelled with answers.

Sending mildly panicked regards,

Snow

----

From: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

To: [email protected]

05/28/23 at 09:12 pm

Subject: RE: WHAT DID YOU DO

Snow,

I assure you, any capabilities related to surveillance are reserved strictly for operations.

As for your delivery, consider it a small kindness from one overworked soul to another. Now eat, regain strength, and get back to that essay. You’ve proven quite resourceful in pulling secrets from shadows. But some mysteries deserve to remain.

Worry not and carry on with your studies.

König

----

From: [email protected]

To: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

05/28/23 at 09:25 pm

Subject: Spill. Everything. Now.

I appreciate the pizza bailout, don’t get me wrong. But my paranoia has now reached DEFCON 1 levels and it WILL NOT stand down until I get some answers. So spill. Just how much do you actually know about me? Do you have my address on file somewhere? Photos? Socials? Pet peeves? Middle name??

I understand need-to-know for operations, but this is need-to-know for my own peace of mind. Please assuage these frazzled med student nerves and assure me you’re not some mysterious stalker Colonel (unless that’s just part of your charm). I’ll even send new Luna's pics in return! Consider it a debriefing – you give, you get. Otherwise the wheels will keep spinning in my head…

Sincerely (and only mildly obsessively),

Snow

----------

>>Anonymous

05/29/23(Mon)22:37:10 No:132926391

Colonel Stalker Dude is freaking me out

Image: [Confused pepe scratching head.jpg 230kb, 400x400]

>Be me, a totally tired out and broke student

>Remember getting those shady files months ago

>Thought Colonel dude was cool and weird pen pal

>Even started to like him after long talks

>But NOW he knows my address???

>WTF how long has he been watching me

>On one hand it’s creepy AF but kinda flattering a high rank dude cares

>Other hand I don't want a secret stalker or to get disappeared

>Free food is nice but feeling stalked is not cash money

>Used to have bit of crush but now I'm skeeved TBH

>What do? Can't go to cops cuz questions. No close friends/fam

>Too broke to move or change info

>Maybe he’s just lonely but also maybe he climbs in my window ;____;

>What if he takes my organs in the night like some human harvester?!

>Only protection is my cat Luna and she's useless in a fight ;_;

>Try to be positive and asking him how much he know

>Currently waiting for his replied while I was writing this post

>Anons pls help, should I keep talking to possible stalker man?

Don’t want my organs harvested but also don’t wanna waste a free food connection

Very conflicted and slightly paranoid this girl is in DIRE need of advice

Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)22:45:19 No:132926405: >>132926391(OP)#

Sounds like a thriller romance novel lol! He probs just cares in his own intense way. Keep talking but be safe, maybe feel him out more? Could be nnothing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)23:16:08 No:132926439: >>132926405#

IKR it does sound like a book! But what if it’s a prequel to a snuff film?! I’ll try to subtly find out wtf he knows without pissing him off…

Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)23:37:12 No:132926502: >>132926391(OP)#

LOL girl chill no one climbin in ur windows. He prolly just admires ur spirit. Keep lines of comms open, set boundaries if needed but relax!

Anonymous 05/29/23(Mon)23:45:01 No:13292623: >>132926502#

You’re right, I do overthink! I’ll calm my farm. Thank u stranger, maybe he’s just a bored soldier man and not a psycho (´。＿。｀)

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)00:25:31 No:13292684: >>132926391(OP)#

Change ur info anyway, maybe he won’t go to ur new stuff. And get some locks/alarms jfc. Play it safe.

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)00:42:44 No:13292692: >>13292684#

Can’t change anything, I used my student email! And too broke for moves or upgrades, these loans gotta last :’( but self defense is a must, thanks!

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)01:28:19 No:132922735: >>132926391(OP)#

Send Luna pics. Also tell col u feel weird, set ground rules like no stalking. Maybe he just wants friendship. Be safe!

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)01:46:31 No:132922757: >>132922735#

[sleepy_Luna.jpg 1,3mb 1000x1000] You’re so right, communication is key. I’ll lay it all out clearly and see how it goes. Thx fren <3

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)01:59:36 No:132922805: >>132926391(OP)#

Maybe he liiiiikes you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) whatever happens keep us posted! We’re invested now lol

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)02:08:55 No:132922822: >>132922805#

omggg don't say that!! Now I'll be paranoid AND flustered X_X But I definitely will update y'all, this is quite the melodrama unfolding

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)02:15:36 No:132922811: >>132926391(OP)#

Girlll tell that stalker if he wants a piece he gonna have to pay your tuition first! Then maybe you’ll reconsider the organ harvesting. Gotta respect your worth sis 💅

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)02:23:12 No:132922834: >>132922811#

Omg you genius!!! If he’s really interested he can sponsor my broke ass med student life lol. Alleviate my debt and he gets unlimited Luna pics, win-win!

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)03:01:46 No:132922839: >>132926391(OP)#

Lmao girl you been reading too many thrillers! Military guys have ways of finding people, changing email won’t do shit. Just ask him wtf is up like a normal person

Anonymous 05/30/23(Tue)03:39:44 No:132922926: >>132922839#

Ugh you make a good point, confronting is smarter than hiding. But what if he locks me in a dungeon for being nosy?! I have no one to turn to if I disappear ;-;

------

From: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

To: [email protected]

05/30/24 at 03:45am

Subject: RE: Spill. Everything. Now.

Snow,

Let’s just say I know more than you think. But rest assured, your privacy and safety remain my priority here.

As for debriefs, some questions are best left unanswered, even between…friends. Maintaining mystique has its place too, no?

Focus on your studies. I’ll focus on ensuring no more interruptions are needed.

Now get some rest. You’ve an early lab tomorrow if I’m not mistaken.

Sweet dreams.

König

----

From: [email protected]

To: Colonel_Kö[email protected]

05/30/23 at 03:47am

Subject: DUDE.

HOW.

----

This one was short because I've been busy with other stuff hahah. It sure took some twisted turn hmmM? or maybe poor Snow just over reacted ;)

Also love, comment and reblogged are really appreciate! 💖

#könig cod #könig call of duty #könig mw2 #könig x oc #könig #cod oc #cod x oc #konig call of duty #cod fic #cod mw2

[sea-dukes-assistant]

ATTN: The boomers that follow me for some reason

The abuse I'd been getting since this started dropped off roughly 2016, when I told Rachel if she wanted to have a say in what I post, she can pay me. It picked back up roughly the same time Harry was outed as being with his current wife, at the time of the Karen Occupation, and been on the upswing ever since.

For the longest time, I never understood why I received so much negative attention from your particular niche in this fandom. I never spoke to you, minded your business, nor knew you existed, yet you felt the need to mind mine, scold me, yell at me, and speak to me as though I do not deserve respect and decency, perhaps going so far as to hoping one day I'd just eat a bullet.

The theory, which is disturbing at best, for why you project your insecurities onto me (and only me) is that you can't fathom mine and younger generations being so "ourselves" because that was not a thing when you grew up. I'm sorry that was the way it was, but that is not how it is now. Times change, often for the better, even from when I was growing up in the '90s. I'm thankful for this. You lot, however, seem to have taken the fantasy/ideology of "what a man should be" and decided you are disgusted/upset that I do not fall into that mold. So you come into my house and shit all over the place like you ain't got no home training, sending me homophobic messages, personally insulting me and my intelligence, telling me I need to "get my head checked (I've had 2 neuro-pysch exams I promise you my brain functions just fine)," and going out of your way to make me hate myself. Why? So you can fix me and make me the "alpha male" of your fantasies. It's like some form of conversion therapy. This is why you're so obsessed with me. I'm not bitter that nobody else is being hated on; I'M BITTER THAT I WAS/AM SINGLED OUT.

Quite frankly, that's fucking disturbing. I'm 36. I'm a regular guy, enlisted, trying to make it through the next 10 of my career without further damaging my already broken body. I'm nobody. But y'all out here harassing me for *checks notes* living my life and being happy. Not even a single shred of empathy. Just fuckin' "SEND IT" with the constant degradation and berating and lecturing. Fuck sake I serve this country with pride, nearly had the national ensign over my casket and folded and handed to my mother before I hit 30, and this is how y'all gonna act towards me, after walking around with your metaphorical dick out, posting boomer ass Facebook graphics yelling "REPOST THE FLAG OR YOUR A COMMIE?" THAT is some fucking disrespect, not a royal in an honorary position of rank wearing a service's uniform. It's fucking disgusting...oh I'm a "brave PATRIOT" until you find out I wanna fuck some hot British guy's brains out. Then I need to shut up and "eat shit and die."

I'm not a project. I'm not responsible for your issues. I'm under no obligation to be nice to you. Your baggage is not mine to carry. You are responsible for your own behavior. I do have intellectual superiority; this is not me swinging my dick, it is fact. My ASVAB score qualified me for everything except the nuclear field. I learned college-level electronics theory in 9 months. I've had a combined 10 months of specialized training on specific systems, the most recent being the AN/GSC-52B MET. This last advancement cycle I scored in the 93rd percentile overall IN THE ENTIRE GODDAMN NAVY. My job is entirely critical-thinking, problem solving, and written/verbal communication. PEOPLE COULD DIE IF THE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS CAN'T SEE THE PLANES. I have to explain to idiots officers with degrees why I can't connect a system carrying classified data to their unclassified computer to they "don't have to get up" to look at the console. Between you there's...what, 10 brain cells? You think tabloids are classic literature. IT IS A FUCKING FACT, BRENDA.

Oh and the "I hate that you were treated like that/you didn't deserve that BUT" can be shoved up your ass, as well. If that were the case, you wouldn't continue your anonymous! tirade about how I'm a fuck up, need to be nicer, how I'm treated is entirely my fault, and using Prince Philip, who is very much dead despite my wishes, as a way to emotionally manipulate me (an entirely different level of Fucking Disgusting).

The entire fucking audacity. Take your own advice and look in the mirror. YOU are the reason I'm so fucking stressed. YOU are the reason I fucking hate it here and want to leave. YOU are the reason I'm so fucking "rude" and on defense all the time. DEALING WITH YOU IS FUCKING EXHAUSTING.

#it's long I'm sorry #<- that's what Sea Duke said #but there's only so much bullshit I can take #I'm not joking when I tell y'all I hate it here #not my best work but it's honest #boomer women be miserable and I'm not here for that shit #it's very disrespectful to bae

[antiterf]

"Gender identity and feeling a certain gender isn't like sexual orientation. We know what attraction is!"

Okay but can you explain the feeling of being attracted to someone? Can you do it without using symbolism? Can you do it without objectification? Without the "feeling" because feelings aren't objective? We have the term sexual attraction to describe sexual orientation, and we have gender identity to describe being transgender. Both have been neglected by psychology and other sciences in regard to LGBTQ+ people and most of the time, it is, at the end of the day, multiple different theories and not a single explanation.

It took me longer to recognize romantic attraction than it did for me to recognize my gender identity. I assumed that certain things were sexual attractions when they weren't. Many gay, lesbian, and ace people go through that second one because sexual attraction can never be objectively described.

I eventually figured out romantic attraction as the feeling I get when I think someone as cute, not from aesthetics but as a person. That is not exactly specific enough for most people to understand. When combined with sexual attraction it becomes a constant yearning for the person to be next to me, the feeling that part of me is missing when they leave. I cannot separate sexual attraction from romantic, but can separate romantic from sexual. If we're going blatantly then sexual attraction would also be my want to have sex with the specific person because their body alone gives me feelings of euphoria (oh we love the oxytocin), but when comparing that to gender, that would be a sexual expression like how pronouns and clothing are gender expression.

On top of that, I can only speak for myself. Others can and will report feelings that do not match mine, but they still use the same terminology because those feelings will still fall under attraction. Trying to restrict what is and what isn't a form of romantic or sexual attraction by personal experience isn't helpful and likely more harmful.

Gender identity was the feeling that something was off and that I had one foot in the door and one foot out. That something was missing until I put the key into place. It was the feeling of euphoria when hearing my preferred name. It's the comfort I get when there's some compression on my chest because I associate binders with relief and happiness. But wait... wouldn't that second one be instead feelings of transsexualism?

I don't fucking know dude! I don't feel these things separately! Separate orgasm from pleasure and see how that works out for you!

When trans people talk about our experiences with gender identity because someone wants some sort of description, when a cis person who has never had to examine what gender identity feels like, there's not going to be much of a way to describe it where someone completely understands unless if they've experienced it before. We as trans people can go "oh yeah that sounds accurate to my experience" or go "oh no, not me, for me it's a little more like ____" but there's not much of a way to objectively describe it.

What is a woman, anyone who claims that they're a woman, is as circular as a definition as:

Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s). Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.

So neuroscience is used to try and find Where the Gender is Stored but the brain is such a complex organ that the shape of your brain can be used to identify you like a fingerprint. Oxytocin is what we have for attraction but which one? Does it matter? There are studies that show that the brains of trans people are different in some way but I kind of stopped caring about them years ago because I don't care! I don't care!

I'm trans, we keep trying to explain what gender identity is, why we transition, but there's always some issue on it being too vague or reinforcing stereotypes (men having flat chests with binding even though not all men do for instance).

So when you get a way to describe all of what you feel objectively that everyone can relate to you can get back to me and I'll fucking applaud you.

#long post #I needed to write this shower thought out #for once I did and didn't leave it stuck in my head to die #notaterftip #not sarcasm

[septembersghost]

Since you are having a harry day, I love how harry's song doesn't give you much tea. Like if we listen to Taylor's songs we know which one's about joe,harry,Jake etc....like she uses different imagery for each. She used red colour for jake to symbolize how painful and passionate it was, fire imagery for harry because it was easily extinguishabld but have potential to burn brightly, golden for joe because his heart is gold and it is good,beautiful, valuable all at the same time.She also narrates well. But harry simply confesses his thoughts and feelings as a song without having a backing narrative. So it means different things to different people. This is why he doesn't explain songs. As a private person it allows him to be vulnerable without people using it as a double edged sword (like Taylor). So we live in a world where grape juice is about olivia or ex or something else theories can coexist because it is vague on purpose. We enjoy the song for what it means for us, not what happened in his life or who it's about.

i get where you're coming from, i have a lot of complicated thoughts about this! for me personally: We enjoy the song for what it means for us this remains true for me for every artist i love and connect to, whether i know the specific details or not, but i understand that varies from listener to listener.

with taylor, her strength is in such strongly personal writing - whether it's diaristic, as a lot is, or more loosely autobiographical but with some fantasy sprinkled in (ie: folkmore) - she is beautifully adept and giving details to paint a picture, being self-referential, leaning on specific metaphors and imagery to conjure specific situations. and for those of us who've been here for a long time, there's a richness in that because we can piece the stories together, understand exactly what she's talking about, and click in to each emotional facet, each story, as they transform and as they're a part of her. the magic of it is then when we take those songs, knowing what/who they're about, and transform them into our own. since i'm a documented red stan, i'll use that as an example - my mind, of course, knows those songs are centered on jake, and can analyze them from that perspective and empathize with what she's detailing, how that relationship made her feel, why it affected her deeply. but then the songs also have that other life in my brain, where they're mine, and subjectively emotional about my own memories, or my own associations to apply to them. same, with, say, my love for lover. i have never been in love like that, i've never had a longtime partner, so technically i have no real way to relate to the full depth of love she feels for joe and the golden daylight of that, and YET, it still totally resonates because i'm a romantic, because i love love as a concept, and because it was such a source of warmth and comfort to me in a dark time that it took on its own happiness and meaning. the archer being so dear to me and so relatable when it's all centered inwardly. "help me hold on to you" more being about life itself than a loved one. and i think there's real value in BOTH aspects of her art.

unfortunately, taylor has had constant inescapable media scrutiny, and we have the knowledge of all of these things, so we can pinpoint relationships and inspiration, and it's impossible to talk about her intent without mentioning those relationships and events. idk if it's fair to categorize it as "tea," even though maybe we unavoidably make it that. when it's weaponized against her, that double edged sword as you mention, it's awful because it isn't her fault, and it's like...she should be allowed to speak her truth and process her experiences without shame, and the amount of cruelty and misogyny and trauma she's endured is terribly unfair. the fact that our analyses in relation to her voice and her way of telling these stories relies on that awareness isn't a bad thing, it simply. is.

She used red colour for jake to symbolize how painful and passionate it was, fire imagery for harry because it was easily extinguishabld but have potential to burn brightly, golden for joe because his heart is gold and it is good,beautiful, valuable all at the same time. i just want to say that i love how you phrased all this, and agree.

and then harry to me, his approach is more like stream-of-consciousness or even conversational. and he's fortunate that he has been able to keep some things more private, by far the songs dissected most are the one we know are connected to taylor, so is that really an effect from him, or from her? it's a conundrum, and we all navigate a balance in that however we can.

he does use illustrative details - the fridge light washes this room white, there's no water inside this swimming pool, does he take you walking 'round his parents' gallery, the coffee's out at the beachwood cafe, kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor, you sunshine/you temptress/my hand's at risk, i fold/crisp trepidation/i'll try to shake this soon, you sit high atop the kitchen counter, you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels, you showed me a power that's strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days - but he's also a bit more abstract. i don't know if this comparison will make sense, but i think of taylor as a pre-raphaelite painter, and harry as an impressionist. both have distinct beauty, but capture the picture differently.

like this

both are women in gardens with roses, both are beautiful, but the way they depict the scenes has a different effect. the brush strokes, the details, they evoke their own atmosphere. the distinction makes them their own special artists, and i love being able to discuss that, and am grateful to have/keep both.

#anonymous #letterbox #these discussions were really great today you all have such cool brains #taylor swift #harry styles #haylor #music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent #thrown out speeches #(and harry)

[funkymbtifiction]

Also I have another question. Can ESP’s be conspiracy theorists and believe in the unknown like a ENPs? Or should I consider myself a potential ENTP?

Conspiracy theories aren't related to type. You can have an ISTP conspiracy theorist and an ISTP who thinks conspiracy theories are absurd because there's no proof.

I say that because lately I have been questioning myself on whether I could be a ENTP, as i believe in things like ghosts, spirits, dark entities and other unknown things, my intuition is very sharp and can often predict future outcomes based on present events. Even though I am very physically active person who is the first to notice things in my physical in environment, I also like intellectual conversations, and talking about things like psychology, philosophy, history and religion.

It depends. If you would choose to do this rather than do something "real" then I would wonder about ENTP. But if you do this for a while and then get bored and want to go back to "the real world" that would be Se. Most STPs I know don't mind talking about that stuff -- for a bit, and then they want REAL LIFE. Things they can touch, see, interact with, do. Like one STP told me -- history isn't real for me until I stand where they stood and see what they saw and touch objects or see things that belonged to them. As an ENFP, that makes none of it more "real" to me.

There's a YouTube channel in which cadavers are used to show people muscles and internal organs within the body -- an SP gold-mine of information. I look at it, and my brain goes "... is that really what it looks like? Nah, seems fake." lol I know it's real, but my NeSi extrapolates nothing from it other than "that doesn't look like the 2D drawings I've seen."

I tend to skim-read things and become rather bored with long-winded information as I want to get straight to the point and go on to the next topic. <- 7

I am not a fan of people who are not concise, brief and transparent, I think it’s due to my short attention span and find hard to concentrate on what they are saying. <- 7

I find it hard to follow routines and schedules, as I am very spontaneous person and likes constant change. <- 7 + EP

#question #mbti #enneagram

[rebelwheelsnycpoetry]

Sploot (Rebel!)

by Michele Sommerstein

brain, type: neurodivergent brain mode, loading, please stand by we will address your question in a second… (not literally) cue hold music improvised and multi-genre, chaotic jazz, cool (think Mingus) or super calm, soothing & with cats or silent songs with no static, for that is sensory disdain my brain… weird and fabulous and delayed in processing the, words details and their meaning in real time, this, information, perpetually coming, agh!

sometimes it feels like, I am performing human this, flustered alien divine exhausted from trying to translate, what this tone and that smile or that particular positioning of the eyebrows might mean & not getting it right. humans are so confusing and, I prefer the company of dogs.

sometimes inquisitive, philosopher, observing, questioning, refusing to go along with, social customs without reason or at least knowing why they exist while so many just go along without knowing why they exist and why? “Because” they said “that’s just how it is” and what?! kind of life is that?

Rhetorical questions answered accidentally chagrined but grinning, amused or mildly mortified ask me how I am doing, and I will tell you, honestly, potentially, failing to detect the presence of small talk, like a habitual waltz that's lacking sincerity or real connection, a waste of time preferring silence if the former is not an option.

Awkward (& with negative connotations) at times but only to the neurotypical. To the kindred brains, my people, weird and fabulous we are awkward but gloriously so This beauty, worth more than gold, to find your people like unbuttoning that top button and letting it all hang out Tongue out and relief this that can only be achieved, when you do not internalize the stigma maintenance daily for if you do not shine your light (but not for the ableds, not for their inspiration) if you don’t fly your sploot flag, your truth with pride (even if wavering) yellow, oranges, sequins and cats and purples & soft textures or however your flag looks like, Mine changes on mood then how will your people ever find you?

And I know Sometimes it’s hard. The ableism. humans. professionals who, despite having a degree from med school, who don’t get it, grossly, lacking, training, they call you, emotional & too much so as if they too, would not be overwhelmed in a world where everything, blaring at top volume hold your ears & take a look, for you are the only one in the room, bothered this sensory overload while those around, stink-face, judging what they do not know wondering what’s your problem? for their ears are not overly astute & in tune to the alarming the loud buzzing of the fridge the click click click of the clock on the wall, amplified their vision naturally dimmed to the screaming lights, those who have no need to shield their eyes saw no need to create a room of refuge for those of us who see and hear and feel it all.

those who, hold you to this standard of perfection or condescension as if they are perfect? they are not. they hear the word impairment and they think they know based on textbooks written by the neurotypical ‘she’s sweet but too slow to have an opinion of her own’ but oh, you are very much aware of the bullshit that is around you. but can not always process it in real time nor fast enough to advocate sufficient and frustrated and tears (inside)

and because all of this varies, fluctuates is not fixed or constant, but a spectrum that ebbs and flows (as if all things in life are fixed or invalid) they who are supposedly wise and educated do not get it, even doubt it even though you are not the first of your kind and the burden of this, of being so damn misunderstood the consequences that ensue weighs on you, can wear you down but you must always remember: you are not the problem.

last night, my brain thought what if pigeons started a conspiracy theory group called coo-anon existing solely to promote pigeon supremacy based on the fear that other birds are trying to replace them even though pigeons are all around & a supervisor is just a beach hat with an obvious and fantastic upgrade

Headphones, on Sunglasses, round, retro, ready and black, worn stylish and eccentric ranging in protection from the fluorescent and not so fluorescent lights with rhinestones, cateye, & glamour, the tassels, like a cat toy, swish swish joy (for the days when I don’t mind things touching my face) for if I must exist in this world, that is sometimes too damn bright and loud then I shall do it with intention and in a way that feeds my soul (also great for hiding, like a portable form, of sensory fort)

brain type: neurodivergent. Squirrel! Sorry, what was your question? brain mode, loading, please stand by…

#poem #poetry #disabled poet #disability #disabled #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurospicy #sensory processing disorder #auditory processing disorder #squirrel

[erigold13261]

You like monsters. Gnarly teeth. Horror aesthetics. And that’s totally valid!

I fucking love monsters so much! I advocate so badly for monster films and how horror now-a-days is a lot more psychological or supernatural horror instead of slasher or monster.

Like I'm pretty sure that's because of the times (like there's a theory that the horror of the time period reflects the populations fears either in a direct or subtle way), but I want to go back to good fucking monster designs in horror movies!

All to often it's just a person with makeup on! (and I don't mean prosthetic makeup, but like literally just body paint and nothing else) I get that it might be a budget thing, but I really want to see stuff like the Xenomorph or Jeepers Creepers (I know how bad that series was/is because of the creator, but I genuinely loved 1 and 2, one of the only series I would say that I liked the sequel more than the orignal. 3 fucking sucked), like full on monsters who barely look humanoid or might not be human at all!

Anyway, it's also funny how you say I like gnarly teeth because I didn't even think of that! Though I do love me some teeth. I've had plenty of dreams of eating teeth and LOVED pulling out my teeth as a kid and looked forward to dentist appointments where I knew I would get needles in my mouth to numb my gums in order to rip out my teeth. Heck I even ripped out two totally perfect baby teeth that weren't loose while watching Insidious (I think it was that, or the Conjuring, idk) because I was having fun! (also one of my favorite songs is Losing Teeth by The Scarring Party lol).

Definitely love me the horror aesthetics! It brings me comfort! Probably because I started watching horror and death shows when I was way too young. First horror movie I watched was either the Fair Haired Child or Dead Silence. One being a horror movie that ended in love and one that revolved around puppets and dolls, both having grotesque imagery and contorting bodies.

So those two movies probably had a greater impact on me than I realized considering how much I love mannequins, puppets, dolls, and why I associate love with horror!

It could also be that I was neglected as a kid, which is why I was able to watch things like the Human Centipede when I was like 10 years old, and used those horror movies as comfort to my anxiety riddled brain to try and cope with death so I saturated myself with death and horror in the hopes of finding love in the subject but all it did was fill me with more anxiety which then turned horror characters into love interests because that was the only way I could take that subject/genre/thoughts and make it "good" enough for me not to have constant panic attacks of dying.

(Off topic, but also there was this horror movie I watched even earlier than that, like I was definitely around 5 or 6, where these people were at some point in a mine shaft/cave system and were running away from this ghost who was under the control of this guy who would drop his blood on the ground to make the ghost kill people. I watched it around the same time as I watched the first Tremors movie, but I can't find the ghost movie. I think the main characters, a guy and girl, won by feeding the blood guy into a rotating machine through control of the ghost somehow, but that might be an entirely different movie I watched as a kid around that same time. Heck the movie might not have been a horror movie at all, it could have been a different genre or a tv show idk, I just know that those scenes stuck with me and I want to try and find that movie/show again).

Okay, you probably didn't want to read my little psychoanalysis of myself, but I had fun! (it's always fun seeing someone tell something about me that I didn't realize and me trying to find out why I do said thing). Thanks for sending this ask in! :D

#eritalks #noart #asks #love analyzing why i do shit! #i keep forgetting i had a pretty shitty childhood #probably because i lost myself into media to forget about it #which is also probably why i love horror characters so much #they are broken just like me! #or at the very least look fucking amazing #:3

[purplesurveys]

1743

1. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? Hans gave me a helpful pep talk last night about things I can do to keep my passions up. I've talked a lot in these surveys about the professional rut I've been finding myself in, and he knows about it too, and he sat me down for advice on how to not lose myself. I'm very grateful for the talk and it actually sparked a bit of excitement in me. Now to actually put that motivation into action...

2. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? It rained SO hard earlier and I always get super super anxious when I have to drive in the evening and it's raining, because then my side mirrors become completely useless with all the raindrops and I basically can't see anything for the most part. Anyway, I had no choice but to drive as slow as possible just to be safe. I'd rather piss off unhinged drivers with my 10 kph speed than carelessly change lanes or speed knowing full well I can't see shit.

3. Name somewhere you are planning on visiting in the near future? My family has been heads-or-tailing Japan or South Korea for a while now, but my siblings and I have been saying that we would much rather go to SK since it just makes perfect sense – all 3 of us are into Korean culture, food, music, etc. We're currently saving up for it but as far as I know we have plans as soon as mid-2024.

4. How often do you go grocery shopping and how much food do you usually get in one go? Bi-weekly. Our bill usually shoots up to around 7-9k per visit.

5. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Meh I don't really repeat a specific meal a lot.

6. When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? No idea. I feel like I have been very honest around everyone these days, especially with regard to my latest promotion. I've been rather vocal, even towards my own bosses, that I'm against it and that I'm only accepting it to keep the entire team from sinking for now, but that I have very strong plans to leave the first opportunity I get, or the moment I feel like this directorial gig is really not for me.

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? I thought I wanted to stay a few hours in this nearby coffee shop, but when I was there their tables were so fucking high it strained my arms to use my laptop and phone that I ended up staying for like only 45 minutes before I decided I'd have a much better time in my car lol.

8. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? I saw Angela and Hans yesterday. We had dinner at our favorite Korean restaurant, caught up with our lives, talked a lot about tattoos for some reason hahaha, let out our respective work frustrations (although a good 85% of it was mine), and Hans gave me another crash course about watches which I always enjoy because I love seeing how excited he gets talking about those tiny machines.

9. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else's dreams? It's always random people, man. There's not one person or a set of people who make constant appearances in my dreams.

10. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I would tell my grandfather about all my accomplishments so far. I'd also brag about how well I can handle my alcohol because he couldn't, haha.

11. Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we're basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? I never really entertain any theories of this nature. I'm just here to live the limited days I have on this planet and I'd rather not invest so much time and brain juices on conspiracies lol.

12. What worries you most about your future? Mostly career-related things. Like, if I've reached this peak at 25, where do I go from here. Ugh.

13. What is something you do to feel better when you're scared? Find a distraction, which is usually a) my dogs, b) rewatching familiar vlogs for the 908th time, or c) surveys.

14. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Probably my mom or my sister, for the first question. I don't have anyone in mind for the second.

15. What makes you trust someone? When was the last time someone broke your trust? Idk, I don't really set criteria for this. I just...can tell if I can trust someone, but I can also easily take that trust away if they show otherwise. Last time someone broke my trust - last week when the event organizers that we have been consistently contracting since last year had a disappointing performance.

16. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? Couple of weeks ago - I was met with shock, which is what I expected anyway.

17. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? It depends on the person, tbh. I have relationships where I'm likely to be the one to seek advice, but it happens the other way around with other people.

18. When was the last time you felt totally lost, figuratively speaking? How about literally? Right now you can say that I am, for the figurative part.

As for literally, that would be two weeks ago when my co-workers and I were supposed to be headed to Nasugbu from Las Piñas (where we needed to pick up a member of the team) but some direction miscomms led me to make a few wrong turns – we ended up in the northbound part of SLEX, then I drove up Skyway, making us end up at the fucking airport, then we ended up back at McKinley near BGC. It was such a stupid experience, I feel like we lost a part of our souls that day LOL

19. In what ways are you emotionally strong? In what ways are you emotionally weak? Emotionally strong: I'm not afraid to be honest about my feelings, especially if they're negative ones; I feel like the years living in fear around my mom changed me as an adult. I'd also call myself resilient – my all-things-will-pass game is pretty strong and it's one of the things about my mindset that keep me sane.

Emotionally weak: I'm sensitive and quickly take things personally.

20. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? I was gifted a copy of Sing A Song of Tuna Fish in my early teens. I liked the book, but to this day I would say it's one of my more random reads and I still don't have a clue what the title is supposed to mean.

21. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? I like watching with other people largely because I can have terrible comprehension and would need someone to explain parts that I might not catch on to as quickly.

22. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Can't remember the last times I did either of these.

23. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? The number 2025 and 613.

24. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? No.

25. What do you get complimented on the most? My writing.

26. What is something unusual that you find attractive? Idk if there's anything...

27. What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? I eat my first and last meal at like 7 PM.

28. What was the subject of the last video you watched? It's the newest episode of Smosh's running podcast/video series reacting to their older videos.

29. When was the last time you traveled out of town, and where to? Around two weeks ago, to Nasugbu.

30. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? Literally Namjoon's house is my aesthetic, minus all the books cos I stopped reading a long time ago.

[sweetfickle]

Betrayal - His, Mine and Ours

"Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations"

More or less, this is simply based on trust. With no trust there really isn't anything. How can one build or gain trust when the other is already so un-trusting. Relationships are already so complex in nature that you almost don't even want to have them. Throw in trauma and past experiences and it is just a system ready to fail.

Personally, I feel you have to start out with an entirety of trust in a person. You can't do it any other way seeing as they have never done anything to you from the get-go. It is the little things that start to build up. The secrets kept, the actions played out with no accountability or the constant denying when it is in black and white in front of your face. The quick jump to lie even while the evidence is presented directly.

I am in a difficult situation. It doesn't matter how much I present that I am an honest, loyal and forgiving person, I will always be looked at, watched actually, to see what there isn't. The moves I make the things I say are analyzed daily. It is tough. The good Lord blessed me with patience. For without I would be a stone-cold murderer, I am sure.

How does a person move with confidence and consistency when every little detail of them is being looked at? Maybe if I build the habits of consciously doing everything, I will make things better? How long will it take to get there? Ultimately being imprisoned by my own movements is going to be extremely exhausting but it is doable. I have done it before. I can do it again. I simply have to ask myself if this is all worth it. To be that woman again. The one who is perfect and makes no mistakes.

I know the routine. I know the drills. I know how to do the walk and talk the talk. I know that If I just pay attention and focus, I can get through it all without doubt and apprehension.

Oddly enough, I have caught the lies and deception as well. But I still continue to trust daily. I trust that they won't go through my things. That I can have my own personal space to do with as I please. Keepsakes and personal secrets have to be kept in the vault of my brain as that is the only safe place without fear of driving them to madness trying to find a fault or flaw.

My love and actions have been and always will be pure and true. I mean no harm in looking on Facebook or messaging on messenger. I am not seeking the companionship of others to replace the one I have. I just am who I am and sometimes wish I wasn't. I talk to people. I study them in a sense. I was such a recluse for so long. I should honestly just go back to that. Focus on my marriage, my work and my now two kids that need me. That isn't hard. Not even in the slightest.

It has always been a fickle subject. Me. Took me so long to find myself and here I am pulling it all back together again to save face with someone who tells me they love me. I know the words I said. "The things you love about me now are the things that will make you hate me later." Story of my life really.

Am I just too much of everything or not enough of what matters. My idea of a relationship and/or marriage is not the same as most I suppose. I will learn. I will treat others as I wish to be treated. Let's see if that theory holds true.

As I sit in total silence with no idea what to do, I am reminded that this too shall pass. I will prevail and I will go forth with the same energy that I express every day. I will not let this ruin me or change me. I refuse to give up and I will make the most out of this and everything that is passed in my direction.

Love knows no bounds. It is endless. It is that which stops time. I know no other ways to love but the way I have been, but I am sure I can do better. There is ALWAYS better ways to love.

[jessicasnow]

I'm a Reverend, a Witch, and a Psychopath.

People really think that the way into The After (the afterlife, heaven, nirvana, valhalla, whatever you believe in) is having 10 holes punched on your "church attendance/people recruited" punch card or some stupid fuckery. Quite frankly, Sir, I... disagree.

I'm high enough, so let's get into this.

Okay, so I am a reverend and I have been a solitary, eclectic, secular witch since I was 6 years old. I am now 30 and I am no longer secular... I have chosen to work with Yahweh, the Abrahamic Christian god, earlier in 2021. I am Reverend Jessica Snow of the Sanctuary of Lilith - more on that later. I became ordained on Yule of 2021. December 21st, for the non-witches (Cowens) as a way to celebrate my witchy holiday with an exit of my old beliefs and the welcoming of my new ones.

Before becoming a reverend, I took time away from the physical and from the emotional and focused on the psyche. It was fucking hard. It was difficult and there were many times where the existentialism made me feel so fucking small... so unheard... yet so very big and all-powerful, but at the same time I just wanted to straight up die so that I could live. It was all very... confusing and difficult. It was not impossible. The world looks different to me now... and all this "fear" and "shame" is bullshit... so here we go: 

This is What I Believe Yahweh Truly Wants of Us:

I am not pushing my beliefs, I am just explaining mine.

The TL;DR is that I've come to my own personal conclusion that Yahweh, aka "God" (as if there's only one) does not want our worship or servitude. He wants our cooperation and our one job is to not contribute to the wicked.

The Long Vomit:

With a lot of experimentation with cPTSD treatments, I've of course come to know Delta 8 THC. Before you go Oh well of course, she got high and now she thinks she's woke, I want to point out I don't believe in "woke"... I believe in tapping into one's own psyche and just understanding themselves more. I'm not a goddamn lunatic. Well... I am, but that's another post. What I'm saying is... let me explain:

My brain is damaged with cPTSD due to a very hard, sexually violent childhood. With very little available to treat cPTSD, one naturally flutters over to THC. A brain with cPTSD on Delta 8 THC will calm and think much clearer, maybe slower, and rationally.

With breathing space for once in all my 30 years of existence, I was able to come to terms with a lot of things.

1) It was never God's fault. I blamed someone I claimed not to believe in. If God did exist... was it even God's fault that my father decided to be wicked? My father chose to use his free will that way - God didn't do it to me, my father did. Well, why didn't God answer my prayers and stop my father's evil acts? Comin' right up:

2) Yahweh cares for our psyches. If we were to look upon God himself, we would simply die of energy overload. That's why there is an angel hierarchy to deliver our prayers. Angels exist as the messengers because they can withstand god's divine energy. My theory for why our prayers seem to go unanswered is because we try to pray to Yahweh instead of asking the principalities to grant us logical, reasonable, realistic prayers. That is their literal purpose.

3) Yahweh, God, is not all-powerful or all-knowing. Don't get offended, hear me out. Yahweh/God is a being of divine light energy. Energy may be a constant, but it is not an instantly renewable source. Big mass of energy uses a shit ton of energy... and that energy needs time to replenish. On the seventh day, God rested... not because He wanted to, but because He needed to.

4) God Doesn't Want our Worship. Refer to point #2, Angels: There is a special species of angel called Thrones, and their job is to encircle Yahweh, on a loop, forever, hailing him and praising him. My theory is that maybe this is to constantly give Yahweh the energy he needs to renew and cleanse via the process of intentional energy -- Yahweh does not need our worship, but our cooperation.

5) God Might be a Newly Ascended Being.So the idea of ascension is all about the psyche and spirituality becoming a cooperation. Healthy psyche = healthy spirituality. Ascension is simply the more metaphysical word for "leveling up". Uh... if we must, we can call it "getting woke fam", but I'd rather not.  So my point here is... the earth is pretty young and Yahweh made it all not that long ago.

6) Yahweh is new at this. The bible is simply a diary he kept, explaining to us how God changed over time. He ascended enough that he could now create and manifest his own realities in such a way they become physical, a psyche thing. He created man to help him learn how to be a good creator, maybe. Gifting us free will also gave us the freedom to learn, research, and form our own opinions and feelings. God wants us to cooperate. Work with him.

7) There Is a Way to Define "Sin". Anything that causes harm to another or to the self for malicious means, either by free will or by negligent psychological issue, for any reason other than consumption of nutrients and resource; Wickedness  -- use your common sense.

So... I'm open for questions. I will not be answering "How does it feel knowing you're going to Hell for being a witch and claiming to believe in God at the same time?" because my answer is always gonna be the fuckin' same:

1) I have credentials that prove I am a reverend. That makes me a reverend. I practice witchcraft unironically. That makes me a witch.

2) I'm sorry for whatever your parents did to you, but it's legitimately rude to project onto other people, especially just because they're clearly happier than you at their most miserable point. Please take your punch card and go do some hail Marys, because honeeey... that judging is a job that belongs to someone waaaay more qualified than you. Blessed be and ooga-booga, Baby.

#religion #spirituality #god #gods #goddesses #yahweh #christianity #psycho-spirituality #Secular #cooperation over worship #do not worship #worship is wrong #cooperation is what yahweh wants #witches are not wicked

[ppigtails]

▼ 𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙  𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙  𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓  𝘊𝘈𝘕  𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠  𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌  𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙  𝘈  𝘓𝘖𝘛  𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : Jay

PRONOUNS :  she/her

PREFERENCE  OF  COMMUNICATION : I’m fine with either tumblr IMs or Discord! I’m not picky!

NAME  OF  MUSE(s): Sakia Ayuko

EXPERIENCE  /  HOW  LONG  (  MONTHS  /  YEARS? ) : I’ve been roleplaying on a plethora of different platforms since 2017, including Wattpad DMs.

BEST  EXPERIENCE: That’s pretty hard to choose from considering my experience on here since I’ve started rping on tumblr has been generally positive, not that there’s a specific memory I can recall anyway lol

RP  PET  PEEVES  /  DEALBREAKERS: Umm let’s see,,, a few pet peeves of mine are refusing to cut posts, constant one liners on a non-crack thread, uh,,, improper grammar and uh,,,, some dealbreakers are posts not being cut and just being a general asshole or uptight stickler for things. Like if I feel like I have to walk on eggshells if I follow you then yeeeeaaah there’s a super high chance I won’t be.

MUSE  PREFERENCES  FLUFF,    ANGST  OR  SMUT : I guess it depends on the day really? But I’m a softie so angst won’t always be my highest priority, but that doesn’t mean I’m not up for it! 

PLOTS  OR  MEMES : Memes! I am constantly scatterbrained so sitting down and plotting something is not a strong suit for me lol. I’m better at winging things, so sending me a meme if you’re interested in interacting with me is the best way to go!

LONG  OR  SHORT  REPLIES : It honestly depends on the amount of brain juice I have at the moment. So it’s kind of a tossup between something short and sweet and a novella lmao

BEST TIME TO WRITE : Anytime during the day! But mostly during the evenings.

ARE  YOU  LIKE  YOUR  MUSE(S): In theory mostly. I do hold some of the same ideologies as her, such as her ‘I’ll do what I want’ mindset, but I’m not as outspoken as her.

TAGGED BY: I steel.

TAGGING: u steel.

#dash games

[helloalycia]

just a kid [two] // wanda maximoff

summary: you decide to get to the bottom of things, suspecting Wanda has something to do with your troubled memories.

warning/s: mentions of death and explicit/descriptive violence.

author's note: here’s the second and final part! bit of an angsty one oof

part one | masterlist | wattpad

In all of the time Wanda and I spent together, we'd never lied to one another. We always told each other everything, even if we thought it would make the others person upset. So, I couldn't for the life of me understand what she was doing behind my back now.

After a while of trying to collect my thoughts and reigning in my agitation, I returned to Doctor Maya's office to see she was alone. When I entered without knocking, she looked up with surprise, but now that I knew that she was hiding something, I saw a hint of guilt.

"Y/N, what can I do for you?" she asked without so much as a shake in her voice. She'd practiced well. "Did we have an appointment?"

I closed the door behind me, stepping forward but not quite committing to taking a seat.

"I still feel nauseous," I said with stern eyes. "I still get nightmares. My thoughts don't feel like my own. My head hurts every time I try to remember my accident."

"Y/N, I've told you, it'll take time to–"

"Stop! Stop lying!" I exclaimed, gripping the back of the chair tightly. "I heard you and Wanda talking earlier. I know you're hiding something. Something to do with Wanda. So, tell me. What is it?"

Other than jumping at my sudden outburst, she showed no expression on her face, nor acknowledgement to my words. I tried a different approach, shoulders sagging with defeat and expression softening.

With a normal volume, I pleaded, "Please. I have a right to know if it concerns me."

Still, she said nothing. Only avoided my eyes and played with her fingers nervously on her desk. I clenched my jaw, trying not to snap.

"Fine," I gave in. "Can you at least tell me if Wanda was there when my accident happened?"

Finally, she spoke, nodding. "Obviously she was. She was the one who got you to the quinjet after you were knocked unconscious."

I chewed the inside of my mouth, trying to piece together the incident. Things still didn't make sense...

"The agent that I was trying to help," I said, remembering that was the reason I was out in the field in the first place, "what happened to them? Where are they now?"

She straightened up in her seat. "As I told you before, he made it out okay. But I cannot tell you where he is."

"And why not?"

"It's not relevant."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Well, now I know you're hiding something."

She pressed her lips together, unsure whether to respond or not. After opening and closing her mouth like a fish in water, she opted to stay silent.

"I guess I'll keep taking my medication like a good girl," I said with sarcastic smile. "Thanks for nothing, doc."

With an eye roll, I left the room and decided to take matters into my own hands. If neither her nor Wanda would tell me the truth, I'd make a start to finding out myself.

First thing's first – Wanda had some sort of connection to this whole thing, excluding the fact that she was hiding it. I recalled hearing her say something about 'working out the kinks'... what was she trying to work out?

I knew she had powers and was capable of many things; was it linked to that? I was having trouble remembering and the only two people who seemed to know were my doctor and Wanda, the girl who had the abilities to manipulate thoughts to her own will. But she wouldn't, would she? That was an invasion of privacy, morally wrong. She was a good person. The only time she'd done that was when she was trying to defeat the Avengers, but she wasn't that person anymore... she wouldn't do that to me, right?

It was getting late and I still had so many pieces of the puzzle to put together. All I had were theories and nothing to back them up. So, as I headed to Wanda's room with tired eyes and a curious brain, I tried to push it away for the evening and focus on getting some sleep, if any.

Wanda was tying her hair up in the mirror, already dressed for bed, when I stepped in. Her eyes caught mine in the mirror and she spun around, expression softening.

"Hey," she said gently, probably taking caution after how our last interaction went. "D'you have a nice walk?"

I pursed my lips, studying her carefully. How could she act like this? So concerned for my well-being as she watched me suffer, when she knew something that might help me?

"Yeah, I guess," I spoke, before taking my shoes off and going to the ensuite to get changed.

It was quiet as I got ready for bed and brushed my teeth. Wanda, thankfully, didn't push me to speak, but I was still confused. I wanted her to tell me what she knew, but she was playing it safe. Maybe I could test the waters a little...?

As I clambered into bed beside her, I saw she was sat up and reading a book in the light of her bedside lamp. I began to take my watch off and glanced at her subtly, deciding to say something.

"I think something is wrong," I said, earning her attention. "I think I might be remembering my accident incorrectly."

She lowered her book, giving me her full attention. But unlike before, I now saw the doubt swimming in her eyes.

"What? Why do you think that?" she asked with confusion.

I put my watch to the side and paused, deciding whether I was in the mood to get into it.

"How do you know it was a mine?" I asked her, quirking a brow.

She pulled a face, as if suggesting my question was silly. "I was there, Y/N. I saw it."

I wanted to believe her, I did.

"Did anyone else see it?" I asked, unable to stop myself.

Closing her book, she shook her head, distracting from the panic settling into her expression. "What's with all of the questions?"

I ignored her. "You can manipulate people's thoughts, can't you? Get into their head. Read their mind."

"Yes...," she answered, nodding with a puzzled frown. "So?"

I'd known Wanda long enough to know she was hiding something. I should have detected the signs sooner. The constant avoidance of my eyes, the fiddling thumbs, the way her accent grew a little stronger. I was right. She was keeping something from me.

"You've never got into my head before, right?" I asked curiously, wondering if she was reading my thoughts right now. Did she know I was on to her? Did she know I knew she was hiding something?

Resting a reassuring hand on mine, she shook her head. "I would never."

I glanced at her hand that squeezed mine, then to her dark green eyes swimming with certainty. Was she lying now? Or was she just getting better at it?

No, I still had my doubts. She must have done something to my thoughts. And I would never know unless she told me, which she clearly wasn't going to.

"You're mad at me," she realised, letting go of my hand.

I shook my head and looked away, frowning. "I'm not. I'm just tired."

Without another word, I got under the covers and turned my back to her. I wasn't sure what else to do. She was blatantly lying to my face when I thought I could trust her. How could she?

Sleep came to me quickly that night, thankfully not bombarded by painful dreams. But when I woke up and had a shower, I realised how angry I still was. Wanda was lying to me and I didn't understand why.

"I'm gonna go back to my flat," I told her out of the blue after drying my hair.

She walked out of the ensuite and leaned against the doorframe, seeming taken aback. "You're going back?"

I nodded, maintaining eye contact. "Yeah. I can't stay here."

Wanda frowned. "This is about last night."

She looked so hurt by my words that I almost took them back, but I didn't. She was a liar.

"Yeah, it is," I said, crossing my arms with certainty, a hostile expression taking over my face. "I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, Wanda, but you're lying to me."

She straightened up, eyebrows furrowing together. "What are you talking about?"

I squeezed my hands as I continued to cross my arms, hiding my frustration. "I know you're in my head."

She hesitated – a split second, but I saw it – and it was enough to confirm my thoughts.

"I would never do that," she said with a shake of her head, making me clench my fists.

"Stop lying to me, Wanda!" I shouted, finally bursting. "I know it's you! You're in there, I can feel you!"

"Y/N–"

"No!" I cut her off, tears brimming my eyes. "You're mixing my thoughts up and spitting out something that isn't real. You have to be! Because if you're not then– then– then I'm going insane."

I swallowed hard, wiping my eyes and looking away momentarily, trying to collect myself. Crying wasn't my intention, but God, the discomfort in the pit of my stomach and the constant restlessness I felt was eating me alive. I needed to know the truth and the one person I thought I could rely on wasn't helping me.

"I'm sorry," she said, and I looked at her to see she was watching me apologetically. "I don't want to. But I have to."

I licked my lips, partially fed up. I was hoping I was mistaken, that the most that would happen is I accused my girlfriend of something immoral. This was way worse. I was right.

"Why do you have to?" I questioned with burning eyes. "What happened that I can't know?"

She stepped forward, but I stepped back. Frowning, hurt, she ran a hand through her hair.

"I can't tell you," she said regretfully, making me groan loudly. "Look, it's not as easy as you think. This is for your own good, Y/N."

"No, no, it's not," I disagreed, before pointing an accusing finger her way. "You don't get to decide that for me! You have no right!"

Glassy green eyes met mine. "This is all to protect you. The truth hurts."

"Fuck yeah, it does," I said bitterly. "Discovering my girlfriend is mind-controlling me is never a nice thing to learn."

"Don't say that!" she snapped, clenching her fists. "It's not like that."

"It's exactly like that," I said lowly, scowling at her. "You're treating me like your enemy. You don't just get to prance around in my head because we're a couple. That's not how this works."

"That's not what I'm doing!" she shouted, eyes beginning to glow red with frustration.

"Then tell me what the hell is going on!" I said, not backing down.

She clenched her jaw, red eyes and anger dispersing as her expression softened. "I can't."

Through blurry vision, I glared her way. "Then fuck you, Wanda! I'll figure it out myself!"

I was sick of her feeling like she could control me, like I was some sort of helpless being who needed her protection. It was my head and I deserved to know what the fuck was in it!

In the two years we'd been together, we'd never argued this bad. And I'd never imagined it would be because she was manipulating me like she was.

With determination, I stormed down to the medical floor of the Tower and straight to Doctor Maya's office.

When she saw me, she looked up with surprise. "Y/N, what are you–"

"Cut the act, I know the truth," I interrupted her. "About Wanda mind-controlling me. How you were both in cahoots. I know it all."

She seemed shocked. "I– I don't know what to say."

"You can tell me where the agent I tried to help is," I got straight to the point.

"I'm not sure if I should–"

"One way or another, I'm going to find out," I deadpanned, not in the mood to be played. "Just tell me."

It didn't take much convincing, as I soon found myself on the way to a hospital at a nearby S.H.I.E.L.D. facility where the agent was recovering in. With my clearance, it wasn't difficult to get inside, and after explaining who I was, the agent – Agent Montgomery – was happy to have me visit him.

When I walked into his room, I saw he was sitting up in his bed, watching the TV hung on the wall ahead. When he saw me however, he muted it and smiled brightly at me. I noticed the bruises littering his body and though he was wearing a hospital gown, I suspected his injuries were bandaged beneath it.

"Doctor Y/L/N," he addressed me. "It's such a pleasure. I've been wanting to thank you ever since you helped me out a week ago."

I offered a small smile, stopping by his bedside. "There's no need. I was just–" I hesitated, feeling like an idiot as I couldn't even remember what I'd helped him with. "I was just doing my job."

He chuckled. "So modest. It's just nice to know you're doing okay. If it weren't for you swooping in on the scene, I'm sure I would've bled out. I wanted to thank you, but the doctors here told me that you were pretty shaken up after what happened and needed some time."

My eyes fell to the monitors beside his bed, avoiding his eyes. "Yeah... what exactly happened that day?"

He seemed surprised. "You don't remember? It wasn't... it wasn't good. I thought that's why you were taking the time for yourself."

I looked up, catching the way his smile faded into a frown and he looked down to his hands sadly.

"Can you refresh my memory?" I asked gently, unsure whether I was ready to hear the truth or not. But it was now or never.

"Well, from my perspective, I was laying on the ground, thinking I was gonna die from blood loss..."

This part of the city was desolate and destroyed, remnants of broken buildings as a result of the Avengers' fight surrounding me. When I was rushed into the field with my team, with plans of finding the handful of casualties to be extracted, I followed usual protocol.

It was supposed to be empty of enemy combatants. We were just supposed to be prepping the casualties for evacuation, as usual. This time was different though.

I came across Agent Montgomery's body by myself, separated from my team as they spread out amongst the rubble to find the rest of the bodies.  He was laying there, body unmoving as his hand was pressed to a point above his stomach.

Instinctively, I rushed over to him and began to unload my medical equipment on the ground beside him. I squinted in the hot sun – why was it so bright out? – as I tried to pull the agent's helmet off.

"Hey, I'm here to help," I told him reassuringly, giving him a smile that I hoped would put him at ease. "Can you hear me?"

"You helped me, patched me up," Agent Montgomery was explaining vividly, and I found myself hanging onto his every word.

For the first time in a week, my memories were making sense. They flowed as one rather than in mashed scenes of a broken film.

He nodded, to my relief, and let me move his hand to the side so I could see what I was working with. A bullet wound and from the looks of it, the bullet was still lodged in there.

I spent the next five minutes patching him up well enough so I could eventually take him back to the quinjet, whilst making conversation with him so he would feel better about everything. When I was done, I radioed my team to help collect him and planned to wait by his side until they arrived. But I heard someone calling for help and looked up with confusion, hand resting on my own pistol.

"There was this kid," he recalled, wincing at the mention of her, which made me wonder what went wrong. "I was a little out of it, I'm not gonna lie. But I could never forget it. Forget that poor girl."

The voice belonged to a little girl. It was as if she'd appeared out of nowhere. Her clothes were tattered and she was covered in dirt, like she'd climbed out from one of the collapsed buildings. I wouldn't have put it past her. People did live here after all. Or, at least, they did.

"Hey," I said quietly, letting go of my pistol. "Are you okay, love? Are you hurt?"

She frowned, lip quivering. "I don't know where my family is."

My heart sank at her words, watching the look of horror cross her expression. I couldn't imagine what she must have witnessed as the battles raged on earlier. She stepped closer to me, eyes blinking innocently, before finding the state of the agent on the floor.

"He'll be okay," I reassured her, earning her attention. "And so will you. I'll help you find your family, yeah?"

She nodded, wiping away fresh tears.

"She was just a kid," Agent Montgomery said, his own eyes glassy from pent up emotions. "She didn't deserve what happened."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. He didn't need to finish. I remembered it so vividly.

"Do you have a name?" I asked her, removing my medical gloves and throwing them to the side so I could give the girl all of my attention.

I outstretched my hand, offering it up. She rested hers in mine, making me smile.

"Selena," she mumbled.

"Well, Selena," I began, hopefully, "that's a pretty name. And I'm sure we can find your parents in no time."

We just had to wait until my team came and then I could try to look for her parents. It wouldn't be hard and I refused to accept they were dead, despite the likelihood of them being alive being quite low.

Selena nodded, her tiny hand squeezing mine, searching for comfort. I squeezed it back, kneeling before her and giving her a quick nod.

Before either of us could say anything more, the unexpected happened. It was as if there was a bomb set in the middle of that tiny girl's body because one second I was staring at her, and the next, she exploded all over, coating me in tiny, fleshy pieces.

My jaw dropped with disbelief, ears ringing from the explosion and heart dropping at the suddenness of it all. I risked looking down, only to see the girl's hand still intact and resting in mine. But where her body should have connected, there was nothing there.

I couldn't help but think how strange it all looked, like a prop from a film set, or a mannequin hand from a clothing shop. I dropped it without thinking, watching it bounce onto the blood-stained ground.

Smoke and blood infiltrated my nose. I looked down and my hands were shaking so much, covered in what looked like minced meat. Meat. Blood. Smoke.

My stomach curled, but I couldn't move. Eyes were permanently widened. Hands were still shaking. The girl's voice played in my ears amidst the ringing. One second she was there and the next she wasn't.

"It came out of nowhere," Agent Montgomery muttered. "Some weapon HYDRA were testing. Had the ability to make its target explode within seconds. She was just another victim of the senseless violence that day."

I swallowed hard, my stomach curling. So much nausea. So much aching. I pocketed my sweaty, shaking hands. Looked to Agent Montgomery.

"That avenger, the witch?" he continued, looking up to me. "She got us out of there. Killed the HYDRA agent. You must've passed out from shock. But she saved us both."

Wanda. She was there. She'd seen it all happen. She'd saved me.

She'd lied to me.

My mouth was dry like sandpaper. My head hurt. I felt sick. The memories were connecting as they flashed through my mind.

It came out of nowhere.

She was just a kid.

"Thanks for telling me," I managed to get out, already backing up. "Good luck with your recovery."

He may have responded, but I wouldn't know. I left the room, ears ringing like I was still there. I looked down, half expecting my clothes to be covered in flesh. Selena's flesh. That poor girl...

She was just a kid.

My vision blurred and I had to pause, hanging in the empty hallway of the medical wing. I raised my hand, covering my mouth as I struggled to breathe without shaking. But it was impossible.

It came out of nowhere.

I don't know where my family is.

"There you are."

I looked up, blinking away tears, making out Wanda standing before me. She seemed reluctant to come closer and for a moment, I wasn't sure what I was feeling.

"Doctor Maya told me where you were," she explained quietly.

Do you have a name?

"I don't have t-time for this," I got out, pushing myself away from the wall and moving forward, walking past her.

"Y/N, please wait," she pleaded, grabbing my arm, and I shook her off so quickly. The thought of being touched right now, when I was covered in–

I looked down. I was clean.

Selena.

"I shouldn't have controlled your mind," Wanda continued from behind me, sincerity in her words. "It wasn't right. It wasn't my place."

I turned around, breath catching in my throat. My ears were still ringing. Hands still sweaty. I pocketed them, though they shook so much my jacket was moving.

Well, Selena, that's a pretty name. And I'm sure we can find your parents in no time.

"She was just a kid," I said, expecting such ferocity in my words, but they barely came out above a whisper. "She wasn't supposed to be there."

Wanda swallowed hard, taking a small step forward. I didn't move back.

"It wasn't your fault."

"She just wanted her family." I clenched my jaw, squeezing my sweaty, shaky hands into fists. "She shouldn't have been there."

"Y/N..."

I squeezed my eyes shut, tears flowing out, before shouting, "You had no right! You– you– you had no fuckin' right!"

Wanda watched me with glossy eyes. "I know. You're right."

Just a kid.

The ringing stopped. I clutched my stomach, wishing the stabbing nausea would disappear. Now that my thoughts were whole again, I felt like I was experiencing the whole thing once more. It was catching up to me quicker than I could adjust to.

She opened her mouth to speak and I shook my head, signalling for her to stop. I couldn't take it. I was so angry and hurt and shocked and I– I–

"I hate you," I breathed out.

She frowned, eyes screaming with guilt. "Y/N..."

My jaw ached from the pressure I was putting on it. Marks were forming in my palm from how hard I was squeezing my fists. She had no right.

"It wasn't your fucking place," I repeated, moving forward and bundling her shirt in my fist. Glaring at her through my tears, I saw the way she put up no fight, expressions softening and etched with guilt. "You– you– you–"

My hands began to shake again. The ringing returned. I couldn't take it. I let go and shoved her back, needing a moment. But I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to hate her. She had messed with my head. Made this so much worse than it could have been if she'd just let me suffer in the first place. But at the same time, a small part of me wished it would have worked. That her mind manipulation would have done it's job and I wasn't remembering. Because fuck, remembering hurt like a bitch.

More tears came and I squeezed my eyes shut, squeezing my stomach to ease the never-ending pain. I opened my mouth to speak, but a sob came out instead, and before I knew it, Wanda was wrapping her arms around me, letting me fall into her.

"It's okay," she said with certainty, squeezing me. "You'll be okay."

I shook my head because I knew that wasn't true. Nothing was okay. I couldn't imagine it ever being okay.

She was just a kid.

#wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #mcu imagine #marvel imagine #mcu #marvel #elizabeth olsen

[roonilwazlibimagines]

What are some of your scenarios to fall asleep to? 👀

Ahhhh I’m glad you asked !! Also please feel free to share some of yours they can be specific or vague idc I’m in desperate need

I will be going into heavy detail because I can’t help myself I’m sorry and I will put in both normal ones and Harry Potter ones

Also this is just like one big ramble I’m sorry I got too excited I literally turned into that Tik tok sound where it’s like ‘you’re asking me about my theories? I’ve waited years for someone to ask me about my theories’

Update - I think I’m just going to keep updating this as well when I think of new ones because I keep forgetting some

My most recent one is a royalty one where they’re like royalty but in their really prestigious and royal school they were academic rivals and did not get along and after school they like try to go their separate ways until a couple years later their parents force them into an arranged marriage for like the good of the country or whatever I don’t really care!! You can take it wherever you want from there but in case you were interested in mine he fell for her first and kinda gave up on the enemies thing pretty early on but she still made it clear he wasn’t her favourite person and she despised the situation and there is still constant teasing until she meets his sister or friend or whoever who says that they can’t believe how happy he is with them and she feels so bad because she thinks he deserves better and ends up being much meaner to him because she’s an idiot who can’t express her emotions and he gets angry at her because she’s being super mean after they were just starting to get along and they have a big argument and are forced to talk about their feelings and then I can never decide whether they actually like each other when they get married, I feel like either way is fun

I have a thing for royalty so my other one is literally just princess x stable boy and you can honestly take that wherever you want but I will tell you where I took it for some ✨inspiration✨ so I don’t have my drivers license and get really bad driving anxiety so I self projected and made her terrified of riding horses right (I’m so smart I know) and he is like trying to help her ride the horse and feel comfortable and like obviously they end up in love but I created drama because she sneaks out to his birthday party (!!) but his friends don’t like her because they just think she’ll be a snob but he obviously defends her but like it’s a perfect opportunity for a bit of an innocent princess as well

My personal favourite is the two co stars falling in love and like thinking about doing all those stupid interviews from like buzzfeed and all that and I personally love the trying foods from different places thing (like making them try fairy bread - because I’m from Australia and we aren’t that cultured and being mad when they don’t like it because it is my favourite food) and it’s great because i can make the guy any actor I am currently obsessed with 😭 but also like the red carpet opportunities and interviews and fan reactions and it’s very fun also this keeps my brain very busy because I like making it as realistic as possible and figuring out the actors timeline so I can match the story up with it, it’s always really intense, also if you want inspiration for what moving they’re staring in I always go for the live action version of tangled even if I don’t look anything like rapunzel

Another fun one is where one of them is in a band and you have a friend who is dating one of the other members but you don’t like the band and you’re not shy in letting the other members know that and it turns into an enemies to lovers thing but I haven’t really developed it because halfway through I ended up changing it with the fact that they befriend one of the members and like fall for them but the band member like ‘gets around’ and it makes them jealous until they drunkingly confess it made them jealous this one’s a bit of a mess and is tipping into a 2012 wattpad story but it was how I got back into my 5sos phase two years ago because I felt icky about them but I’m still a slut for Calum 😭

Another one I love is moving abroad to study or whatever (idk I just always need a reason to be in America/Uk because there’s no one here in australia) and you make friends with someone who turns out to be related to someone really famous (insert whoever you want) and you meet them and you think they’re the hottest person you’ve ever seen and you get drunk to gain confidence to talk to them and you’re like unashamedly flirting with them and they think it’s cute and you’re funny but the whole little plot twist is that you don’t know they’re famous (famous people love that, trust me, I have about 10 wattpad stories in my library that can prove this) !! And the don’t believe you don’t know they’re famous !! Anyways I took it in a sugar daddy direction but each to their own!

Specifically for Harry Potter though, you ask?

Currently I am obsessed with Regulus Black and for about the past two weeks I’ve been obsessed with the idea of James potter sibling x regulus black enemies to lovers story and then about a week ago I found an actually good wattpad story about it?!?! (I have recommended it here with warnings but I really encourage you to read it if you’re not a minor) but you can also do your own version because I am still doing my own version and will continue to do my own version tonight even if I am obsessed with the wattpad one !! Currently I am up to post Hogwarts and her and regulus are trying to defeat Voldemort and regulus tells her that Peter is going to betray James and so ofc she tells James but James is like ‘how to do you even know this??’ And he is so afraid and gets angry at her and it’s really dramatic and she tells him she’s dating regulus and then he gets super mad at her because she’s dating like one of the most well known and loyal death eaters (even if regulus is sneakily trying to destroy Voldemort) and because he didn’t tell her and it’s very dramatic

My favourite Sirius black idea is also a James potters sibling one, but I never have any good ideas for it and just end up self projecting so if anyone has any ideas, I am begging you, please tell me !!!

My other Sirius black one is one I’ve been working on for like the last 4 years of my life and I probably should write it but who knows, but basically it’s a 10 things I hate about you x Harry Potter story where reader is about a year or so older than the marauders and she is like Kat Stratford (for people who haven’t watched it the best way to describe her is just an angry early 2000s feminist who is like anti dating and fun (kinda)) but she is Lily Evans sister!! And so Lily gets fed up of James constantly asking her out and makes an offhand comment that she’ll date him when her sister goes on a date with someone and James is like really?!? And Lily is like ‘sure’ because she knows her sister will never date anyone at Hogwarts so James tells the marauders and Remus is like ‘if anyone can take her on a date, it’s Sirius’ and Sirius is like ‘no, I’m stupid but not that stupid’ and James is like ‘please I’ll pay you’ and Sirius is easily bribed so he tries to get her to go on a date with him and like she doesn’t until she does and then finds out he only did it because James paid him but then they fall in love? Basically just 10 things I hate about you lol

My next one is with Draco Malfoy and all it is is that reader comes from a pure blood family and they’ve known each other since they were babies and it’s like basically destined they get married but she gets like really upset when he gets the mark which makes for a good cuddling and crying scene and like idk people are probably more creative than me but I just like reimagining scenes from hp but with this new character so like Poa when she gets angry at him about buckbeak or the bathroom scene (maybe she duels Harry?) and she’s so upset about Draco and comforts him, or helping him in sixth year and comforting him or the quidditch scene in the fifth book (weird note, but I’ve always headcannoned that my original character finds out about dumbledores army but doesn’t say anything and like the da knows she knows but she doesn’t tell Draco or maybe Draco finds out and gets angry at her?)

My other one is another Draco malfoy one where James and Lily live and she’s Harry’s younger sister (and Voldemort isn’t a thing) but like there’s still stereotypes and beliefs and such and like it’s obviously enemies to lovers and maybe they get prefect duties together ? (I am a sucker for this trope in Harry Potter) but then when they do date they try to hide it but Harry finds out but doesn’t say anything until they get into a fight at home and he is like ‘well at least I’m not fucking Draco malfoy behind everyone’s back) (in my head they aren’t fucking because they’re still in Hogwarts but you get the idea) and James and Lily are just like ‘WHAT?!’ Like idk I just think it’s funny imagining James and Lily finding out their kid is dating Draco and Lucius and narcissus finding out Draco is dating a potter - so many possibilities!

Update 6.10.21

I also have one for Charlie Weasley !! And basically you’re friends with the twins and like you go your whole Hogwarts life with the biggest crush on Charlie but like he low key doesn’t even know who you are and you want to become a healer and then after Hogwarts there is a position in Romania and you take it because you know Charlie’s there and at first he is like hmmm I think I know you and you explain you’re friends with the twins and obviously he falls in love with you I also took it in a nsfw direction where it’s like major innocence kink because Charlie is just such a dom to me and he like teaches you everything but he makes sure you’re happy and safe and it’s not really like serious sex you’re both just having fun and he kinda introduces you to dom/sub dynamics but you can do whatever is most comfortable

#I’m probably going to regret posting this #it’s a mess #but let me know if you do actually use any of them and how you change the story #and please feel free to share some of yours because I am running out of scenarios 😭😭 #scenarios

[aspiringauthorintraining]

Sands of Eon (1/2)

(A/N): Buckle your seatbelts, cause this is a long one! Read with sad music to really get in the mood. Cause I wrote this with sad music playing in the background lol.

“Do you have a wish, Xiao? I’ll write it on your lantern.”

“No need. I don’t have a lantern nor do I have the desire to make one.” He quickly shut down your offer, no sound of amusement or humor found in his tone. But unfortunately for him, you were used to his constant rejection and came prepared this time.

Grabbing another lantern from under the table, you pushed it towards him with a smile.

“Well, lucky for you, I already made you one.” you laughed, seeing his surprised reaction at the lantern in his hands. “No need to thank me.” you added.

“I don’t-”

You interrupted him before he could say no. “I already made it, and I don’t need two wishes. And like I said, I’ll even write it for you if you want.” Seeing his hesitation, you offered him a deal. “I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.”

Xiao, knowing you weren’t going to give up until he relented, nodded reluctantly.

You clapped your hands happily at his defeat.

“My wish is to become someone who can protect the great and mighty Xiao!” you exclaimed, showing him your lantern.

    To become someone who can protect the great and mighty Xiao.

                                                                                 - (Y/N)

The adeptus gave you a puzzled look after confirming for himself that you had indeed written the same wish verbatim, onto your lantern.

“Well, you protect Liyue, right? But who protects you?” you asked the yaksha. And you predicted that he would say something along the lines of “not needing the protection of a mere human” or what not, so you chimed in again. “Of course, I’m not as powerful as you are. So my protection will mostly be in the form of Almond Tofus and my company. And I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me.”

“I have no need of you, nor your company.”

You tried not to smile at the fact he didn’t mention not needing Almond Tofus.

“I’m lonely. You’re lonely. So we can be lonely together, then.” Shrugging, you changed the subject before he could retort back. “So, what’s your wish then?”

At the conversation returning back to the topic of his wish, he let out another sigh.

“Hand me the brush, I’ll write it.”

As he silently wrote down his own wish on his lantern, you wondered whether he insisted on writing it himself because he was embarrassed to say his wish out loud. Or was it because he didn’t like your handwriting? You figured it would most likely be the latter. But upon noticing the slight blush dusted onto his cheeks, you couldn't help but second-guess yourself.

And after a short moment later, he handed the writing utensil and lantern back to you.

“You sure you don’t want to come with me to release the lanterns?” you asked him, hopeful that maybe this year would be the year to finally convince the recluse man of joining the festivities. “We can release it on the mountain, instead of in the city if you would feel more comfortable?”

“I would feel more comfortable staying here.” he replied firmly. His tone didn’t give away any leeway of changing his mind, so you decided that the lanterns would have to do this year. But hey, at least he participated.

After gathering your things, you made your way down the steps of the inn, and into the direction of the road leading back to the city. You waved a goodbye up to Xiao, who just watched your retreating figure. It was only when you stopped walking to frantically wave at him, that he gave a half-hearted wave back. He probably breathed a sigh of relief at your absence, once you left his view. But still, the half-hearted action brought a smile to your lips, and it remained with you the rest of the way home.

Once the Lantern Rite festival ended, the Xiao lanterns disappeared as quickly as they had appeared.

You had been tempted to keep Xiao's lantern after the festival, knowing it was the first, but you hoped not the last, lantern Xiao had written a wish on. But the lanterns were meant to be released, not kept. And it wasn't hard to keep the wishes written on yours and Xiao's lanterns to your memory.

In the following days after the Lantern Rite festival, you spent your time contemplating how to go about making your lantern wish become a reality. But as you wracked your brain, continuously pondering over the problem, you were left with one resounding question.

What really could you do for Xiao?

You didn’t have much to offer the yaksha. You were neither rich nor someone with immense power that could rival his. Your company, which you weren’t even sure whether he enjoyed or not, was the only thing you had going for you. Well, that and making him Almond Tofus.

So then, nothing, it seemed.

You sure talked big for someone who had nothing to back it up with.

That was until one day, when you came across a certain object in a treasure chest in your adventures.

“It’d be best if you destroy that, and forget you ever saw it, (Y/N).” the archon responded to your question.

“Why? Isn’t it just another hourglass artifact?”

You figured asking Zhongli about the item would be your best bet. With how old he truly was, the Geo Archon had an immense knowledge of everything, and if anyone knew what the artifact was, it would have to be him.

“That’s one of the artifacts that was lost during the Archon War. It’s far more powerful than any used these days.” The funeral parlor owner took another sip of his tea, before continuing. “It’s infused with the raw power of a god, so it has special abilities.”

“Like?”

The man should've known that you weren’t going to follow his advice from the start. He let out a defeated sigh, before elaborating further. “There were rumors that the god who created that specific artifact had received the Sands of Eon from Time itself.”

“Time is a person- I mean a living being?!”

“Again, just rumors.” he noted. “And supposedly, by infusing the artifact with his own power, it could bend the laws of time.”

Your eyes grew wide at the new information. “So you’re saying this artifact could, in theory, turn back time.”

“In theory, yes.”

How could such a powerful artifact have washed up shore and land into your hands?

You decided to ask him one last question, already getting a slight headache at the information just revealed.

“What happened to the god?”

“It was said that the first and only time he used the piece was after watching his people massacred during the Archon War. He used it to save his people; warning them of the future events beforehand, buying them enough time to flee. Consequently, the price he paid for saving all his people was was at the cost of his own life.”

He left you with some parting final words as you left the funeral parlor, to sort out your thoughts.

“There's always a price for changing the past, (Y/N).”

Your first thought had been to give the artifact to Xiao, allowing him to go back in time to when he made a contract with the evil god, Kubira, who used him as a bloodhound. But remembering the fate of the original owner of the artifact prevented you from doing so.

It was then you were reminded of your lantern wish.

To become someone who can protect the great and mighty Xiao.

This was the answer to your wish.

You could use it yourself, and stop Xiao from forming the contract with whatever means necessary. You made a promise to protect him and by doing this you would be able to. There would be no pain or suffering for him to endure if you were successful. And once you realized that this was the the only way to truly protect your friend, you knew there was no turning back.

You gave yourself a month to prepare. Reading up on everything there was to the Archon War to prevent a change into the outcome, with your sudden appearance in the past. It was also meant a month of pestering Zhongli; asking about anything that wasn't recorded or lost in Liyue's history. You researched everything you could about the evil god, Kubira, as well, in order to prevent the infamous past contract that sealed Xiao's fate.

And it was, perhaps, the first time you were ever thankful to have grown up alone. No close ties with anyone, no family to miss once you left. Sure you had friends, but they could continue to live on without you.

The only one person you realized that you would truly miss and regret leaving behind, was the same person you were going back into the past for. You wondered if he would be okay once you left. You were the only one who pushed through his constant rejection and intimidating demeanor to truly get to know him and to be able to call him a friend.

But if you were successful in changing the past, would he even be able remember you?

The night before your departure, you visited Xiao at the Wangshu Inn, with a bowl of his favorite dish.

The adeptus who didn’t know a word about your plan, paused at the forlorn look you had as you watched him eat his food. It was already strange to him that you were just watching him, instead of asking him how his day was or telling him who you had met on your way over like always. And the forced way you nonchalantly brushed off your watering eyes as seasonal allergies confused him even more. Something was off about the way you were acting. And the question you proceeded to ask him was the icing on the cake.

“Hey, Xiao. If I went missing for some time, would you miss me?”

If you had asked this in the first year you met him, he would’ve probably responded with a relieved no. But currently, he remained silent at your question.

Had your efforts to befriend him pay off? Did you actually manage to squeeze into his heart, and make yourself a little home?

“…I would miss your Almond Tofus.” he replied after a long minute, paired with a straight face.

Well, it was better than a no.

During the early stages of your "friendship" with Xiao, the words, "get lost" were thrown in your direction every time you had come to visit. So to you, his current answer was certainly an improvement.

“Is it really that hard to say, “Yes, (Y/N). I would miss you so much. Don’t ever leave me” ?” you drawled, trying not to laugh when he briefly choked on his food at your choice of words.

Gulping down his water, he cleared his throat loudly. “Ehem. F-fine, I guess I would notice your absence.”

Sure, it wasn’t the confession you were hoping for, but you would take it.

You gave him a small smile, turning your attention to the view from the top floor balcony.

Taking in a deep breath, you gathered up the courage to speak your next words.

“Hey, Xiao.”

You looked at him with another smile, this one not quite reaching your eyes. You took a silent moment to memorize his face, down to every detail. When you reached his eyes, you tried to keep yourself from getting lost in the amber pools. But with one look at them, you failed miserably, falling straight into their depths. And with your undivided attention given to his eyes, you failed to notice the slight reddening of his cheeks.

“Thank you for protecting Liyue. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being my first love. And most of all, thank you for always being there for me.”

You stood up quietly, holding onto the same bittersweet smile on your face as you neared him. And before he was given the chance to register your words, you quickly left a soft kiss on his cheek; disappearing down the stairs without another glance back.

Regaining his conscious a moment later, he was about to chase after you, knowing you couldn’t have gone far. But a folded letter on the table in front of him distracted him momentarily, giving you enough time to escape.

Xiao,

I thought long and hard about what I could do for you after saying those big words about protecting you. And I think this is the best way to do that. 

I know you won’t remember any of this once I come back, if I come back. You probably won’t even remember me. But that’s okay. I’ll be fine, being the only one who remembers, if it means you’ll have a better future. So don’t let my efforts go to waste! Eat something other than Almond Tofu and snow. Make and surround yourself with friends. I hope I showed you that humans can be worthwhile friends too. And don’t ever think that you deserve solitude, because you deserve so much more than that. 

Thank you again for everything. I never felt alone when i was with you. I’m still not even sure if you consider us friends, but your friendship meant the world to me. So I’m going to have to insist that we are friends.

I don’t have any regrets leaving. I lived and I loved thanks to you. So now it’s your turn. 

I hope you can live your new life without any regrets or burdens weighing you down.

Love Always,

(Y/N).

Part 2 here!

(A/N): i made it into a two part, because it was taking too much scrolling to read everything lol. Also why is Xiao’s story so sad? I did some research before writing and like I’m crying dude.

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#genshin impact imagine #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #xiao x reader #genshin impact xiao #genshin xiao #xiao imagine #xiao x you #genshin xiao imagine #genshin imagine #no beta we die like hilichurls lol