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d1xonss · 5 months

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Desert Rose

Chapter 1 ~ Introductions

✧ Pairing : Daryl Dixon x Rose

✧ Era : Season 1

✧ Word Count : 4.2k

In this chapter ~ In a life full of unexpected turns, this one by far hit Rose the hardest. A disease begins to spread when the dead are somehow brought back to life, that alone being the tip of the iceberg of what she remains to be faced with. When it all leads to her fighting for her life in Atlanta, she meets a group that ends up saving her from what she thought was the end of her rope. But when they bring her along for their great escape out of the dead infested city, she's faced with a decision that seemed to be more difficult than she first realized.

AN ~ Hi! So this is my very first post and series on tumblr and I’m still very much trying to get the feel of things lol. I originally uploaded the first two seasons of this fanfiction to wattpad and am still uploading frequently there, but I also wanted to give this a try as well. Just putting it on a different platform for more people to see:)

I will admit before you read, I started writing this story a little while ago so the phrasing and writing might be a little rusty at first seeing as I was just starting out. But I promise it gets better as it goes on, trust me! I hope whoever reads this grows to love it as much as I do. I will be uploading here as much as I can and adjusting to the new feel of things on here as quick as I can.

And I think that’s all for now! I hope you enjoy!

Fear.

That's the only emotion anyone ever feels anymore, or that's at least what I believe. Considering I've been on my own since the beginning, fear is something that I've had to grow accustomed to. And the world going to shit only made me realize how alone I truly was. Sure, I had a family but ever since I grew up and left them completely, I've never liked to talk about them much, mostly because they didn't care about me whatsoever. I mean, I'm on my own for a reason.

But I knew how to take care of myself pretty well and I was always silently thankful for that. I couldn't imagine living in this world and not knowing how to fight, or fend for yourself, so I considered myself lucky. I caught on quickly when it came time to start killing the dead, the very first time I had taken one out still haunts me to this day, the first feeling of fear I had felt in a very long time. I've learned the hard way that you never quite shake the feeling.

I had a day off from work, which was rare, and I was just in my apartment painting while the T.V. played quietly in the background. But then the whole atmosphere changed, nearly in a split second it felt like. My ears instantly perked up when I heard blood curdling screams coming from the hallway just outside, instantly sending me flying to the front door to press my ear up against the surface. Though when the screams didn't die down, I slowly opened my door to see two disgusting looking corpses going after a few of my neighbors. I froze at the scene in front of me.

They were trying to fight them off with random weapons clutched tightly in their hands, flinching away as they tried desperately to push them back, screaming in utter terror. A part of me was torn, not wanting to step in and actually kill these things that looked exactly like us. People. But these things were no longer human, anyone could see that from a mile away.

I snapped back into reality and rushed into my apartment to grab a large steak knife from my kitchen drawer, trying to help them kill whatever the hell these things were. Rushing into the hallway, I shoved the thing up against the wall to get it away from the small group that had formed around it, causing it to growl loudly as it looked directly at me. Goosebumps formed on my skin at the sight, quickly twirling the knife around to stab it in the chest, but it continued to flail around in my grasp. My eyes widened as the thing didn't seem the least bit phased, trying again and again desperately to get its clawing hands away from me.

But finally it a fit of aggravation, I took my knife and stabbed it right in between its eyes, silencing it completely as it fell limp out of my hold and onto the carpeted floor. My breathing was heavy as the others continued to panic loudly from just behind my head, but I stayed completely still as I couldn't take my eyes away from the thing. I felt disgusting, horrified, and clueless all at once. Though one thing I did know was that I couldn't stay here.

I didn't hesitate then to storm back into my home and pack a larger bag full of my stuff to evacuate, knowing that this couldn't have just been happening here. Curiosity got the better of me as I flipped through the T.V. channels quickly, landing on the news which showed utter chaos and live footage of these things attacking more people. My heart seemed to stop for a moment as I watched, seeing that the world was nearly coming to an end as tanks were flooding down the streets, trying to take these things out and put an end to it before it spread.

I didn't know what to do, or where I would go, but I wanted to get as far away from here as possible. Looking into the dead eyes of the monster really didn't sit too well with me.

Though after that day, life was never the same. The dead slowly took over everything, killing off anyone they could get a hold of and silencing the world completely. Leaving everyone left alive utterly terrified and alone.

Two whole months had passed since the dreaded outbreak, and I found myself to be moving constantly. Never staying in the same place for too long, before packing up to move on and stay alive. That's truly all that mattered anymore.

I somehow ended up in the city of Atlanta just passing through the large structures hoping to gather some supplies before moving on all over again. But what I didn't expect was to see hundreds of walkers filling the streets instead. My eyes widened at the sight as soon as I turned the corner, hoping to just silently slip away as I backed up from the giant swarm of them. But a few of their heads turned as they somehow spotted me, and then the "few" turned into a shit ton.

I practically sprinted in the other direction as fast as I could, slipping in between a few buildings to try and escape the many that chased me with outstretched hands. But I quickly realized that the space I ran into was an alley, blocking off the other side in which I planned to escape. My stomach flipped as I slowly turned back around to face the dead, seeming to accept my fate as I was trapped and had no escape.

And that brings me to today. No, I didn't die...but if I'm being honest a part of me wished that I had.

Instead of feeling the corpse's dead fingers tearing into me, a few live people came out of nowhere in the tall building to my right and began killing off the corpses one by one, right before my eyes. I stood completely still as I thought at first I might be dreaming, but one of the men quickly grabbing my arm and pulling me along like a rag doll told me it was far from that.

Anyone else would be grateful for these people being at the right place at the right time, but I didn't work too well with others so grateful isn't really the word I would use.

So, currently you could say I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place as I racked my brain, trying to figure out how to get out of the situation I was put in. One of the men that had saved me was wearing a God awful hat that made me want to walk back in the herd of walkers. His name, I learned, was Rick Grimes and he and his group were the ones that helped me get out of the pickle I got myself in, along with dragging me with them as they too escaped from the large city of Atlanta. From what I overheard the others talking loudly about, they had just managed to save Rick as well, who was having just as bad of a day as I was, an hour before they saved me. To me it looked like we were both just random strangers that they decided to pick up like lost dogs.

The rest of the group seemed to be nice enough, except for this asshole Merle who was this racist, sexist, piece of shit. Spewing out bullshit and insults from his lips every five minutes and only pushing me further into wanting to walk towards the flesh eating monsters. Though, to make a very long story short, we ended up leaving him handcuffed up on the roof of a building where we were once trapped on top of. Though much to my surprise, it wasn't on purpose. Rick eventually had enough of the man's bullshit and took his fancy, shiny handcuffs to lock him in place on a metal pole, and a man named T-Dog accidentally dropped the key to unlock him down a drain.

But when the time came, we had no choice but to leave him when the dead were chasing us once more as they somehow had gotten into the building. The only option we really had now was to maybe go back for him later. Maybe. But to put it into perspective on how uncomfortable I was with these people, riding in this truck with them to their camp...I would rather switch places with Merle.

I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts when the truck we were riding in stopped abruptly, assuming we were at the camp these people were talking so much about. I took a second to lean forward and glance out the windshield at my surroundings, not liking the feeling that was forming in my gut at the thought of meeting anyone new. But Rick caught me scanning the area, reading my expression from where he sat in the passenger seat and clearly sensed my nerves.

He eventually caught my eye as I felt him staring right as he began to speak, "Don't worry, we're in this together." he assured, flashing a half smile at me that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle.

I raised my eyebrows. Oh, thank God we're "in this together."

The guy who was driving, who I learned was named Morales, told us to come out and meet everyone with a nod as he jumped out of the truck to run to his family. I shared another uneasy look with Rick before slowly following his actions to see for myself what I would be dealing with. My eyes scanned through everyone that was gathered around and instantly all eyes were on me once they heard my door slam shut. I grew uncomfortable at all the watchful eyes boring holes straight into my forehead, and a man named Glenn eventually stepped up when he sensed the obvious tension.

"Guys, this is Rosaline. We saved her back in the city. She's cool." he assured with a smile, silently telling all of them to back off.

I shifted uncomfortably, "Rose." I corrected.

It seemed after I opened my mouth to speak everyone relaxed slightly, thinking that I wouldn't be much of a threat. Though I could be. But they didn't need to know that. I didn't plan on hurting these people or taking their fishing poles unless they tried anything. But by the looks of it, some of these people looked like they wouldn't even kill a fly, so I think it was safe to say I was good.

Though all of a sudden, the whole atmosphere seemed to change, everything happening in slow motion as a few people stared at me wide eyed. A man, a woman, and a kid. I stood still there for a moment wondering what I did to make these people stare daggers at me like this until I heard a small gasp from behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Rick standing there in awe with the same expression that they had as he stared at them in disbelief. I soon realized that they were looking just behind me the entire time and quickly stepped off to the side as fast as I could.

Well, that's fucking embarrassing.

The little boy then took off in a flash towards Rick, screaming "Dad!" as he cried and then it all seemed to click in my head. This was the family Rick briefly mentioned to the group back when we were on the roof of the tall building back in the city. The family he had been trying desperately to find. They had been here the whole time.

My eyes stayed on the small family as they reunited with laughter and tears, almost feeling myself smile at the sight. Though I snapped out of it with a shake of my head, stopping it before I could let it happen.

After the moment had passed, that only came time for very long and boring introductions as Rick and I seemed to meet everyone else in the camp. I nodded towards everyone politely as I learned each of their names that I would surely accidentally forget. But one name seemed to really stick out to me amongst the many others.

Someone briefly mentioned that there was another man who lived with them, one who wasn't here at the time. Merle's brother, Daryl. And here I thought one was enough.

However, I had yet to meet the second one because the older man, Dale informed me he was currently out on a hunt somewhere in the woods just ahead of us. But the truth was I didn't need to meet the man to know that he was an asshole just like the one we left behind. I mean they are related after all.

The entire group then sat around a fire once the sun finally set, eating something small they cooked for the night, while discussing some random things that people would occasionally bring up. But the hot topic currently, was what needed to be said to Daryl once he got back. In my mind it was pretty simple, but it was clear these people didn't want to be too harsh about it.

"What should we say to him?" Dale asked.

"We tell him the truth," Rick stated simply, "I'll tell him, I mean I was the one who cuffed him."

"No, I'll tell him I'm the one who dropped the key." T-Dog piped in as he finished the remaining food on his plate.

Glenn sighed and went on to say, "I don't mean to bring race into this but...it might sound better coming from a white guy."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes hearing them going back and forth about what to tell him, hearing the same things being said over and over again. I stayed completely silent as I thought more to myself, slowly tuning their conversation out as I planned my escape from this hell hole. Coming here was clearly a big mistake and I realized that the moment I stepped foot inside, I didn't belong with the rest of them. I was better off alone.

And what seemed to annoy me the most is that I didn't have a choice, they just dragged me back here without even asking, without a care in the world. To me, that alone was a good enough reason to get the fuck out of here.

The group finally decided after what felt like hours that Rick would be the one to tell Daryl about his brother, and eventually it grew much later in the night as everyone began to go their separate ways. I planned to just head off into the forest to sleep against a nearby tree for a few hours, then slip away in the early morning before any of them had a chance to notice.

I began to gather my stuff, strapping my backpack across my shoulders and stepping over the few large rocks in my way to head towards the tree line. But just as I was about to get the smallest taste of freedom, a voice calling out behind me caused me to stop.

"Hey Rose!" I recognized Dale's voice softly shout.

My chest raised up and down with a deep sigh, turning around to face him as I looked at him expectantly. "I know you don't have a place to sleep tonight, but we have some room in the RV..." he trailed off.

I continued to stare at him, hardly showing any emotion on my face at all as I tried to read him, figuring out what his intentions were.

He continued, "Look, I know you're new and clearly don't trust any of us just yet, but I just want to make sure you have a safe place to sleep. You don't have to, I just thought I would offer." he said, finishing with a smile.

I could tell by that alone that Dale was a good person and a decent man. There were definitely some people in this group that gave me a bad feeling right off the bat, but Dale wasn't one of them. But I needed to get away so I could leave. I only wanted this group to be a distant memory in the back of my mind and nothing more.

So, with that I shook my head, "I'm okay." I said as politely as I could before heading off into the forest.

I could hear him sigh from behind me as I walked away but I didn't let it bother me. I needed to go. A part of me didn't even want to sleep so I could get a head start and further away, but I was fairly tired from running for my life throughout the day. So I figured I could sleep for a couple of hours and before anyone could wake up, I would leave and head off to...well anywhere but here.

My eyes groggily peeled open the following morning just before the sun began to rise over the hills, looking at it made me guess was it was around four in the morning. I yawned and stretched slowly before standing up to my full height and placing my bag on my back, starting to head off in the opposite direction of the camp as the dirt crunched loudly beneath my feet. Although I didn't get very far, maybe about five steps away before something suddenly stopped me in my tracks. I stood still there for a minute, just thinking. For some reason there was a gut feeling I had. Something was telling me to stay.

My mind started to spiral with many different thoughts, enough to give you a headache, but then that's where I stopped myself. My whole life whenever I had a gut feeling about something, I needed to trust it. My little intuition was almost never wrong. And although most I had felt like warnings about uneasy feelings, this one was different. Like a magnet was pulling me back to the group. A strong ass magnet.

I found myself plopping back down on my ass, my back up against the tree with my knees to my chest, just lost in my own thoughts, debating and arguing with myself for what felt like hours when in reality it was probably only a few minutes. But a golden flicker appearing out of the corner of my eye is what made me look back up, seeing the sun beginning to rise higher in the sky enough to kiss my cheeks. Okay...so it really had been a few hours.

But even after clear hours had passed me by, I was still left very torn on what to do with myself. My head was screaming at me to just leave and be on my own, but my heart was just calmly telling me to stay for a while and see how it works out. I hadn't had a real group at all since the outbreak first happened, but in my mind I never wished for one. I always believed it was okay to be alone, watching out for yourself rather than anyone else dragging you down. That was the logical way to survive...wasn't it?

With that I let out an annoyed groan and slowly stood back up to make my walk of shame back to the camp, deciding to give it one more day and if nothing changes, I'd leave tonight. To me even staying one more day seemed to be pushing it, but I didn't want to regret not trying and seeing how this would play out.

As I walked back into the grounds, I noticed some people were already awake in the early hours of the morning to my surprise. Carol and her daughter Sophia were sitting up on one of the logs talking quietly to each other, the woman's gaze glancing up to me as she noticed my movement. She sent me a sweet smile with a small wave, to which I nodded to her in return.

My eyes then looked away from her for a split second when I caught a brief glimpse of Rick walking away from the campsite with a certain determination in his step, and his head low. I stayed in place as I watched his figure disappear, before I found my feet slowly moving forward to follow him. I didn't know why I did, I just grew curious I guess.

When I caught up to his long strides, I found him sitting on a larger rock, seemingly talking to himself though I couldn't make out the words from where I was standing. It was all too hushed and quiet. But then my eyes panned over a bit to see a device in his hands, his mouth lowering closer as he spoke into it. Good to know he wasn't batshit crazy or anything.

After an only few seconds I turned on my heel to leave him be, though I accidentally stepped too far to the right and straight down on a branch that snapped loudly. My eyes closed the second it happened, silently cursing to myself. When he heard the noise he whipped his head around, with his hand hovering over his pistol on his hip, but his body instantly relaxed when he realized I wasn't a walking corpse.

He then recovered and flashed me a thin lipped smile, "Hey, you're up early."

I lifted my hand to check my imaginary watch, "No shit." I said, lowering it back down again at my side.

"You're not a morning person...noted." he said slowly before sighing to himself as he stared at me, "You know, I can tell you were alone for quite some time, if not the entire time. And I know you're probably scared but-"

"I'm not scared of anything." I snapped.

He looked at me surprised with raised brows, not expecting me to say anything at all. But I wasn't going to just stand there while he accused me of the things I was feeling when he didn't know anything about me at all. Everyone around here might've been scared but I sure as hell wasn't. Maybe that was another reason I didn't want to be with this group, they didn't know what the hell they were doing, too scared to have a steady head on their shoulders. I should add that to the list of reasons why I should take my happy ass out of here.

Once he recovered, he nodded in agreement to my surprise, "Okay, maybe you're not scared... but you are alone."

I didn't open my mouth to respond as my eyes narrowed at him further. Thanks captain obvious.

He continued, "Look, I know you don't trust us, but all I'm asking for is that you give us a chance. I saw the way you were looking at everyone last night, like you were ready to pounce any minute if anyone tried anything. I can tell you need us as much as we need you-"

"Okay," I interrupted with a wave of my hand, "Let me stop you right there before you break out into song and dance. I'm going to make something perfectly clear. I don't need you, or your parade of assholes back there for anything. I have always been just fine on my own, and last time I checked I didn't even ask for you to save me and bring me back here. You just did it. So don't tell me I'm scared, or I need any of you because that is far from the truth, asshole." I spoke harshly.

He stared at me for a few seconds not knowing what to say, but clapping back quicker than I expected, "Okay, fair enough. You're right I don't know you, you didn't ask me to save you, and you don't look like you need anyone. I'm just saying it's nice to have other people watching your back. I felt so alone until I found a man and his son while looking for my family, and now I can be a part of this group...and so can you. But I can understand if you want to leave. Just know that...everyone in camp likes the idea of having you around."

His response was far from what I expected, and I didn't say anything back to him right away, mostly because I couldn't find the right words. How could he be so understanding over someone he didn't even know. It honestly blew my mind a little.

When he saw I wasn't going to argue further, he turned back around to watch the sun continue to rise in front of him. And after debating in my head for a minute or two, I decided to walk over and sit next myself to him on the giant rock. He glanced at me when I sat down, probably expecting me to say some smart ass comment in return to what he stated, but I didn't. We just sat in comfortable silence until the sky was no longer orange and pink, but now turning into more of a pale blue with clouds slowly filling up the remaining space. It was somewhat nice.

I could tell he was about to move and stand up to his feet, probably to head back to camp, but I said something that stopped him.

"I never wanted to be alone." I confessed, not taking my eyes off the sky.

As soon as the words left my lips, I closed my eyes for a moment as I regretted what I said almost instantly. I didn't want to admit defeat to anyone let alone a stranger, but I figured I should in this case for him to truly understand what I was feeling.

I felt his eyes on me as he said nothing, expecting me to continue, so I did. "I was alone before the world went to shit, and I've gotten used to being by myself. I guess I've just come to realize it's exhausting looking out for other people."

He still remained silent.

"My point is I don't know if I'm staying." I said while finally turning to look at him.

He nodded, "That's okay. Just make sure to think about it before you make any rash decisions. Who knows...maybe you'll change your mind." he said almost suggestively before standing up and turning around to head back.

I turned my head and watched his frame retreat away from me for a few seconds, his words echoing in my mind, before turning all my attention back to the sky. A part of me still wanted to leave, the fear of the unknown creeping up to me, however I did tell myself that I would give it another chance. But if I couldn't find a reason to say by tonight that was that. I would leave this group behind.

~ Thanks for reading!

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mattspolitank · 19 days

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Reunion in progress

chapter 1.

•Anna

•Matt sturniolo

•Chris sturniolo

•Nick Sturniolo

•Madi Flipowicz

SUMMARY:Anna and the triplets haven't had contact in almost 2 years. She flies out to see Madi and reunites with the triplets.

WARNINGS:none

Hi, I'm Anna. I'm 19 years old and I live in Boston, Massachusetts. I graduated from high school last year. Instead of going to college, I decided to pursue social media, and it's been quite successful. I have 3 million subscribers, even though I don't post as regularly as I should. I used to have three best friends, but now I only keep in touch with Nick, who texts me from time to time. I lost contact with Chris, and I haven't talked to Matt since junior year.

I just want to acknowledge that I am truly grateful for my online friend Madi. She's a 19-year-old living in Los Angeles, and she has always been so supportive of me on social media. Her popularity is undeniable, and I believe it's because of her stunning looks. Her beautiful brown eyes and dark hair are truly captivating. Shes like a ray of sunlight .As soon as she enters a room she fills it with smiles and fun. I genuinely value her unwavering support. My social media journey wouldn't be the same without her.Shes also very close with the triplets since her mom, Laura, is their manager.

______________________________________

It had been a month since I last posted and received numerous requests from my fans for a new YouTube video. I posted a "get ready with me" video that went viral due to its interactive content, involving fans in video decisions.

After I posted it, I got a message from Madi telling me how good I looked and that she had a surprise for me. I was curious, and she wanted to FaceTime me since she wanted to show me the surprise. "SURPRISE!" she says while pulling out a plane ticket to Los Angeles. "OMG MADI, I'M SO EXCITED, WHAT?" I say. "Also, we're gonna be staying at the triplets' house since my mom won't be here for a month. Is that okay with you? You know, because of the Matt thing..." she said, with her smile fading a little. "It's more than okay, Madi. I won't let Matt ruin my trip," I say with a big smile, which also makes Madi smile.

__________________

It's the day of my flight and I'm so excited. I packed last night so that's taken care of. I straightened my hair, I have my grey sweatpants on, my fitted T-shirt, and my AirPod Max are around my neck. What am I missing... nothing really. I was terrified of forgetting something. I put my Airforce 1s on and head out the door

_______________________

Upon getting off from the flight, I spot an overly excited Madi and Nick eagerly waiting for me. I immediately rush over to hug them both. I didn't realize how much I missed Nick until I hugged him, almost tearing up. And Madi didn't let go of me "ur gonna crush her bones Madi"Nick stated while laughing.

Nick helped me bring my baggages into Matts car and Madi and Nick both quickly went to the back seat leaving me and Matt in the front.Madi and Nick have always shipped me and Matt for some reason.They always say that were made for eachother and i dont really pay attention to them because hes so arrogant and rude.Thats one of the reasons i dont talk to him anymore.

I took my place in the front and shot a look back at Nick and Madi that clearly conveyed, "I'm going to kill you." Despite their giggles, Matt maintained a straight face throughout the entire ride. He didn't even acknowledge me, Madi, or Nick with so much as a simple "hello." How can someone be so oblivious?

MATTS POV:

As she approached the car, I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her because we weren't talking. I wondered if I should say something, but I wasn't sure if she wanted me to. Maybe she still hates me. I decided not to say anything. She looked stunning without even trying.

On the way home, she made some silly jokes that almost made me laugh, but she was looking at Nick and Madi, so I don't think she noticed. Thank goodness.

ANNAS POV:

We finally arrived at the boys' house and Nick helped me carry my baggage upstairs to his room because he was the only one who had extra mattresses. I saw Chris and ran to hug him. He gave me the biggest hug ever. I had missed him so much; we always flirted as a joke and we were close. "You've become so beautiful in under a year, peanut." Peanut was a nickname only Chris, Nick and Matt used for me." I swear only you have the power to do that," he said, making me smile. "You're not too shabby yourself Christopher," I say smiling still.

We hang out for a while and then Madi suggests we go to sleep since it is already past midnight. We all agree and go to bed.

--------------------

It was the crack of dawn, and for some reason, I woke up. I made a cup of coffee and went to the balcony. The view was insanely gorgeous; I was taken aback by how beautiful it was. Before I knew it, it was 7 am. I went back to the kitchen and saw Matt there. I wanted to say hi, but I hesitated. I brought myself to say it. He didn't say it back; instead, he just nodded. "Still not a coffee guy, huh?" I said as he was pouring himself a cup of tea and he finally replied, "Yeah, no." I mean, it wasn't a proper sentence, but I'll take it.

As soon as he finished that tea he went straight into his room again.

It's 9 am at this point and I'm watching my favourite movies one by one. Then Chris comes into the kitchen and grabs a Pepsi from the fridge." Good mornin' Peanut" he says "Good mornin' Christopher" I reply waving my hand in a motion that says come sit down, he comes and sits next to me, grabbing the other side of the blanket and sitting with me. "What are you watching?" he says. "Titanic," I reply. "Your favourite." "I know, that's why I chose it," I say. He continues watching and asks a question, "What date is it today?" "10th of June, why?" I reply. "Isn't your birthday in 5 days?" he says. "Yeah, it is. Crazy that you still remember," I say. "How could I forget?".

Nick and Madi joined us in the living room and Madi asked, "What are we eating today, guys?" We realized no one else could cook except for Matt, and he wasn't coming out of his room anytime soon, so I suggested getting McDonald's, but Nick pointed out that Matt wasn't there to drive. "Guys, I can drive," I said, making Nick and Madi look at me in disbelief."What i took driving lessons and I have my permit now" I shrugged my shoulders as Nick started smiling. Chris went to ask Matt if he wanted anything and we left.

After we returned Chris sent Matt his food in his room and we continued to watch the Titanic.

A while later Chris suggested that we go to a party later ."This party includes Influencers so Anna got invited too" Chris says."I'm down" repeated everyone in the living room and Matt walking up the stairs says "What are we down for ?", "We're going to the party, do you wanna come? " Chris says. I tried to convince myself that I did not care whether he came or not but as soon as he said "Yeah sure" I was happy for some reason.

I tried to convince Madi and Nick that I didn't need to go to a party in fancy clothes and that I could just go with a T-shirt, cargo pants and Conversation but Nick and Madi refused. They search through my suitcase and find a red corset top and a black mini-skirt. The only thing missing was my shoes since I had only brought sneakers."I have something that might work"Madi says and pulls out some knee-high black boots.

I curled my hair with Madi's help and I was all done.

We could hear Chris screaming from the bottom of the stairs "Guys, were gonna be late c'mon now", Madi tells me"Go tell him I'm out in 5 minutes." So I went and as soon as I went down the stairs Chris was looking at me and he told me "You look gorgeous miss" pulling me into a hug."Madi told me that she'll be out in 5" I said looking at Nick in the living room.

MATTS POV:

I heard her coming down the stairs. She looked so gorgeous. I just couldn't keep my eyes off of her. There she goes flirting with my brother, sometimes I won't know whether they are joking or not. I shouldn't feel like this, she is not mine so it is none of my business who she flirts with, but there is a part of me that fires up every time I see her with another guy, especially my brother.I catch myself staring at her for a hot minute.

ANNAS POV:

He looks so good. Matt had been wearing a black slim fit Turtleneck with black pants.I loved all black on him.But wait Anna you dont like Matt, i mean he was attractive but u cant like him. Maybe i do , maybe not , i dont know.I catch myself staring at him for a hot minute

"Alright Love Birds letsgo" Madi says as she looks at me and Matt.Nick and Chris had already gone in the car and i didnt notice???

Chris is already in the front with Matt and Madi,Nick and i are in the back.Nick connects to the aux and we have the best time on the way there.

We arrive and Chris, Madi, Nick and I go to the dance floor immediately while Matt being Matt just sits down.

MATTS POV:

She immediately starts to dance and talk to random girls at the party. Then she started drinking; one drink, then a second drink; then a third drink; then a fourth drink; then on the sixth drink I think she gave up because she was wasted. She kept dancing with random people at the party and one guy was getting all up in her business. Touching her waist, grabbing her arm and when he grabbed her ass that's when I flipped."Leave her alone. Now", "Or what" he said. Or what? Did he seriously tell me that? I grabbed him by the collar and told him "I said Leave". He quickly left and Anna was just looking up at me "Oh so we haven't talked for 3 years and now suddenly you wanna beat someone up for dancing with me??" She said. I felt bad now, not because I almost beat that guy up but for not speaking a word to her for three years."Leave me alone" she said pulling away from me.

I still kept an eye on her to make sure she was alright. She almost fell a couple of times but when she was coming to sit down she fell and I caught her. She sat down and asked me "Did you drink anything", I nodded and she said "Good" pointing at the car keys on my belt.

All of them were drunk, so I had to help them get into the car. Getting out of the car wasn't a problem for them, except for Anna. She was still in the car by the time everyone else had gotten out."Carry me M" I hadn't heard that nickname in a while, since only Anna called me M."You can walk, cmon Peanut" i said while looking at her "No i cant help me"

I carry her bridal style to the living room because she says she wants to sleep there for the night."Can u also take my shoes off" i turn around and go on my knees and unzip her shoes "Thank you M,I love you" she says with the most beautiful smile

•••••••••••••••••••••

a/n:First post.Kinda nervous😔

#matt sturniolo #chris x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo imagine #matt x reader #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo fluff

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nightshadehoney · 5 months

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I never watched James Somerton's shitty Killing Stalking video because I was trying to be good to myself and avoid something that I knew would make me very angry. In fact, I never watched any of his stuff because the fact that he made a video like that was enough to discount any thing he ever had to say (also I heard about the Celluloid Closet plagiarism).

But man, is the James Somerton discourse bringing a lot of Killing Stalking-related feelings back up for me. Because I'm mad; I'm still so mad. There are a suprising amount of people on social media who are saying they never watched any of his stuff except for the Killing Stalking video. I'm annoyed not just to find out that the vid had that sort of reach and influence, but also because Somerton's unmasking hasn't seemed to make people reasses the validity of the kind of thing he was saying. People are just now being like "hmm I think this guy might have Issues With Women" but that doesn't warrant any reflection on what exactly the motivation is of people who complain about women enjoying a niche webcomic? Because I don't actually believe you're concerned about the influence of some obscure piece of media when you advertise its existence to your large audience many of whom had not heard of it and would never have heard of it but for your transparent outrage porn video. It's rage bait and the target was women that are perceived as straight. A big channel has publicized the fact that they excised a section that endorsed the opinions in this video from their own because they became aware of Somerton's plagiarism and dishonesty (presumably; if it was actually because they recognized his views were coming from a sexist place I would welcome a clarification). And you know, I don't think that's a good look actually. That you needed to be told he was a bad person and couldn't idependently put together that the misogynist man was saying misogynist things.

The comic ended years ago and the fandom has gone mostly quiet, but to this day people are still the peddling the"fujoshi/stupid teenage girls who don't know what's good for them are shipping these characters because they are too braindead to realize it's not a romance; it's a horror, two things I believe are mutually exclusive. I am smarter than all of these cringe degenerates" bullshit. It's in the comments of the hbomberguy video even; one comment was such a gross misrepresentation of the series that my friend needed to talk me down from getting into a pointless youtube comments argument (bless him) because these people are officially making me lose my marbles.

This narrative is full of shit, it's demonstrably not fucking true. You can go on the artist's twitter right now and its full of her retweeting shippy fanart of that pairing readers were apparently never intended to ship.

(I don't think Koogi knows or cares about James Somerton; she just reblogs the works of fans who tag her. This made me laugh though).

Now this is all speculation because he died decades before social media existed, but I think if Nabokov was alive today his twitter would not be full of Humbert Humbert x Dolores Haze fanart. And yet, I have unironically seen people compare shipping Sangwoo and Bum in Killing Stalking with the misreading of Lolita as a precocious sexual temptress more than once.

And this isn't me saying that Killing Stalking is the disgusting"pro-sexualized abuse" comic that tumblr purity police used to characterize it as either. One of these days I'm going to go truly bonkers and end up banging pots and pans on the street corner, yelling at random innocent passerbys about how stories about romantic and sexual relationships are not required to be Hallmark movies. You can make art about the negative, dark, and troubling parts of these feelings and relationships without creating a pat morality tale. You don't need to approach media analysis like your 7th grade teacher has assigned you an essay on explaining what a novel's "message" is.

Nobody, not the author and not the fans, genuinely thinks that Sangwoo and Bum have a healthy or aspirational relationship. This hypothetical person that does not understand the relationship is toxic doesn't exist. Because girls and women, even the ones having cringey fandom fun on tiktok or whatever, are not so stupid and naive that they are unware that breaking someone's legs and locking them in a muder basement is bad. The type of concern troll rhetoric Somerton employed in his video is directed near exclusively at women interested in men and there's a reason for this. Women are not responsible for abuse that men do to them; nobody is responsible for their partner abusing them. If I never saw people spit this bullshit again it would be too soon.

#this is not usually the kind of post I make here because I really try to make this tumblr a positive mental space for me but ffs #james somerton #killing stalking

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ultfreakme · 5 months

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do you plan to write an itajun fic some day?

I do! I can feel myself building towards it(though it is probably ill-advised ahaha i have so many WIPs).

I have a couple of ideas but I don't have a concrete direction yet and am hesitant because I only just got back into JJK and I don't really feel like I get them as characters just yet. BUT, if it feels like too much to wait for, I'll list my 3 main ideas!

Junpei transfers to Sendai and Yuuji & Junpei know each other before the Sukuna Finger eating: I have a few scenes in my head for this one! Yuuji going to visit the hospital with his grandpa and Junpei's there to get checked for the burns on his forehead. Junpei's teacher telling him its mandatory that he joins a club, Yuuji overhearing it and inviting him to the occult club. Yuuji and his senpais with Junpei watching horror movies together. Them under a cherry blossom tree because this is high school romance baby and those things are MANDATORY.

Junpei lives through Mahito transfiguring him and Mahito takes him: The idea is that Junpei survives the transfiguration, Mahito gets curious and takes him with him when he escapes and realizes Junpei's got like one more try left before he does die. But Kenjaku interferes and tells Mahito that they should keep Junpei alive and test out just how far Junpei's technique can go. Kenjaku is curios to see just how far he can evolve a human, and how much farther this evolution can go during the Culling Games. So, Junpei threatens to just kill himself BUT Kenjaku takes him alone and promises him that he'll get a chance to avenge his mom by killing Mahito if he allows Mahito to experiment on him now. Make Mahito give him the power to kill him. Win-win!(He's lying just to get Junpei complicit and put him in a headspace where he'll care about power). Flash-forward to Culling Games, Yuuji is scrolling through the competitors and sees Junpei's name on it and on confrontation, I have scene in my head: Multiple small jellyfish the size of a palm floating down around the rubble like bubbles, Junpei standing at a distance watching the jellyfish shikigami float, as if he's waiting for something. Yuuji calls his name, Junpei looks at him with a small smile and calls his name back. I like the idea because Junpei is the CLASSIC trope for 'dead girlfriend' and character who's romanticized and remembered wrong after death. Yuuji doesn't know him and he was definitely looking at him through rose-tinted glasses. So Yuuji confronting this boy he romanticized and treasured in his mind in some untouchable corner and finally truly getting to know him was very fun for me. Also because in a way, Yuuji and Junpei are the first official candidates for the Culling Games (Kenjaku made Yuuji and orchestrated Junpei getting powers).

Junpei lives canon rewrite! BUT! Junpei has a million restrictions. Headcanoning that Mahito made it so that Junpei's technique when first made was taught to be most effective against humans and sorcerers, so in order to keep Junpei alive, Gojo sorta negotiates to the Jujutsu Tech higher-ups that Junpei can act as a curse user assassin and more of an undercover operative who will face humans more than curses. Which means.....killing humans. But lucky for Junpei, he needs to be trained before being sent on real missions and if in this time period, he can prove that he can defeat a Grade 3 curse and higher consistently for a certain amount of missions, alone, he should be accepted as a regular sorcerer. So it's sort of a race against the clock for Junpei to figure out how to make his technique more useful against curses than humans. Yuuji's involved in helping him channel his cursed energy in a more physical hand-to-hand combat manner and is finally faced with the absolute nightmare that is the jujutsu tech bureaucracy and is confronted with his own mortality and how they don't care about his individual life. Junpei and Yuuji basically bonding over their takes on what it means to value human life, navigating being newbies to the life of a Jujutsu Sorcerer, and dealing with the grief of losing family while trying to prove to the world that they deserve to exist. Now.....I don't want to write this....because I want to see these two have a happy ending and if I write this I'll have to rewrite the entire series or give them a sad ending by having Junpei die in Shibuya(imagine how tragic it'd be if Sukuna saved killing Junpei while he was destroying Shibuya to the final moment, slashing Junpei and THEN giving control back to Yuuji). They're both alive ending means I have to understand who's doing what in Shibuya Arc, where they are, wtf is going on in Culling Games, etc. So another reason I hesitate is because Cursed Techniques are very confusing to me. I don't have enough of a grasp on any of the JJK systems to write a convincing fic and I'm unfortunately, a sucker for detail. I think I might write the first idea, before I get around to the rest. Hopefully I can write something good but until then I hope the ideas are something entertaining to think about!

(Also, I have fic song vibes for them! The song is 'Sunset and Whale by Zhang Yuan and Vicky'. It has exactly one mid tier to terrible translation but from what I can gather, it shows the fleeting moment of meeting between two lovers through how a whale surfaces to see the sun, and how the sunlight shines on a whale, only for the sun to dip into the night and for the whale to sink back into the ocean only having the brief moments where they intersected. which hey! ItaJun vibes!).

#itajun #riki asks #itadori yuuji x yoshino junpei #yuujun #junita #itadori x junpei

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despite-everything-im-not-here · 11 months

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Opinion on FINAGLC

i assume you are talking about Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach. correct me if i am wrong.

opinion under the cut.

it has been a while since i last read it, but i have read it three times in the past. each time, i was struck with how much papyrus’ story resonated with me. it was such a heart-wrenchingly real depiction of someone going through that kind of abuse, and there were moments where i saw myself in him. this fic helped me start to recognize the ways i was being abused. and for that, i am grateful.

that being said, i absolutely despise this fic for its portrayal of flowey. others have said it better, but this author seems to misunderstand flowey on a fundamental level. in this fic, flowey is portrayed as an emotionless husk who is cruel and sadistic for the sake of it and cannot be changed because he is incapable of real emotion or caring about others in any meaningful way, so it’s in his nature. apparently. besides being yet another iteration of a deeply ableist trope, this portrayal of flowey completely contradicts what he is actually like in the game.

firstly, flowey is not cruel ‘by nature’. he CHOSE to be cruel when he didn’t have to. and he was never cruel for the sake of it. he did awful things to stave off unbearable boredom and sate his curiosity. i do not say this to ‘justify’ his actions. quite the opposite. if flowey really was cruel and sadistic because of his ‘nature’, something he CANNOT CONTROL, how could he possibly be responsible for his actions? he made the CHOICE to torture and kill people COMPLETELY of his own volition, and he is not proud of his actions. he’s so ashamed of himself that he condemns himself to the fate of staying alone in the underground for the rest of his life, tending to his lost sibling’s grave.

secondly, flowey isn’t emotionless either. in fact, he is the MOST emotional character in undertale. he even cries on screen at least three times, which is more than any other character (asgore cries twice and napstablook only once). he seems to deal with emotional numbness, but he never says that he can’t feel anything AT ALL, just that he can’t feel anything FOR ANYONE. he also says that he can’t truly care about anyone, but he has been proven to care about others many times (ie; the true route when he begs ‘chara’ not to reset and to let everyone live their lives, the times he took care of toriel, the fact he never has anything bad to say about papyrus, his secret admiration for sans). it’s not that he doesn’t care about anyone, it’s just that he conflates not feeling love and empathy for someone with not truly caring about them.

lastly, but not leastly, flowey IS asriel. i don’t really feel like explaining why right now, so for now i’ll just let this post do it for me.

another thing that really bothers me about this fic is that it’s just not a good or accurate rendition of papyrus and flowey’s relationship. in undertale, flowey seems to think very highly of papyrus and i think a lot of it has to do with his of unwavering belief that everyone can choose to do the right thing and make a change for the better. because it challenges his beliefs that the world is kill or be killed and that he is beyond redemption. papyrus challenges him to think critically about how he views the world and himself.

they have a lot in common too. they both put up a front all the time, they both feel like no one really understands them, they’re both painfully lonely, they both have a sibling they would do anything for. i think because they had so much in common, flowey felt closer to papyrus than anyone since chara was alive.

i think what finally made flowey go from considering papyrus as his friend to considering him as just another character was when he realized that he was getting predictable and boring just like everyone else. his words of encouragement and admonishment started to ring hollow. it became just lines of dialogue to him. i think that flowey thinking of the world as a game is his way of coping with derealization rather than just plain disregard for the people who live in it. it gives him a sense of control and comfort.

but i digress. all this to say that papyrus is really important to flowey and the significance of their friendship cannot be understated.

in this fic however, papyrus is flowey’s favorite because he just can’t quite figure out what makes him tick. he is oh so fascinated by his staunch pacifism because it makes no sense to him. he wants to figure out what would break his will and get him to murder. he has no real respect or admiration for papyrus. he just sees him as a toy.

in conclusion, Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach, while a moving story and an excellent depiction of the effects that extreme abuse can have on someone, is also an abominable portrayal of flowey and his relationship with papyrus.

verdict: i really don’t like this fic and i never want to read it again.

#this was cathartic. i like when people ask what i think about things. thank you anonymous.#utdr #undertale #flowey is not a good life coach #flowey asriel #flowey #flowey the flower #flowey undertale #papyrus #the great papyrus #papyrus undertale #safeutdr #utdr thoughts #asks #tw abuse mention #tw ableism #tw child death mention #all caps warning

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dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night · 1 year

Text

Our Man Flint part six

TW: religion, Christianity, fear of damnation, blood, blade, internalized homophobia, suicide, major character death (not permanent), it/its pronouns used to dehumanize, vampire whumper, human whumpee, whumper turned whumpee, whumpee turned whumper

Masterlist linked in my pinned

"So," August drawled.

Flint sat up sharply, panting heavily, to face the scowling vampyr towering over his bed.

"When did you get in here?" he demanded.

"Several minutes ago. I watched you rest, and spoke when I realized you were awake."

Unlike Ambrose, August made no attempt to draw closer to Flint, choosing to stare at him from the shadows, its eyes shining in dim flickering candlelight.

"Get out," Flint demanded.

"This is my home. You are simply a guest."

"I'm an awful houseguest. You should let me go."

"I agree."

Flint blinked in surprise. "You do?"

"Yes, but unfortunately for the both of us, your fate is my love's choice. You would have done better to put that stake through my heart. I would have put you out of your misery."

"You still can."

August's cracked gray lips curled into a small smile.

"No, I think not. Ambrose is enjoying you. And I think I may learn to."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

August ran its pale serpentine tongue over its curved fangs.

"Out with it you damnable tick."

"What a crude insult. We must work on your temper."

Flint scowled. "Fuck off."

"You have such a handsome face," August drawled. "Why do you wear such loathsome expressions? I am only being friendly."

Flint loathed how August shamelessly complimented him in a way only his wife should be allowed. Of all the disgusting and perverted ideas.

"I'm not like you," Flint snapped.

"Whatever do you mean?"

Flint curled his fists, but knew better than to strike August. His faith and his tongue would win this fight.

"I'm not a damnable sodomite. My loyalty is to God, and God alone. You have no right to talk about me in such a sinful manner."

"I have not heard that term in many centuries. I suppose it is still being put to horrible use." August sighed. "Now use your sense. You attempted to slay my dearest love. I would not touch you, not for the death of every other man."

"I hate you," Flint snarled. "You disgust me."

"I understand now, why my love turned you. Such a sadistic lesson."

"I want to die!" Flint screamed, finally dropping all facade of courage. "Why are you doing this to me?!"

August moved to Flint's side faster than he could comprehend, yanking him back by his matted hair and hissing in his ear, fangs dangerously close to his neck.

"I have done nothing to you. Though I have every right. You tried to murder the only person who has ever truly cared for me. How he decides to punish you is not under my control, but I wish to bring harm upon you with more fury than resides in hell."

Flint squirmed, unable to break free of August's grasp.

"You have no right to make demands of me," August continued. "I will not take your life from you. This is just."

"Ambrose agreed that it wasn't," Flint gasped. "Your love didn't care about justice, only retribution."

"Is that so? I will endeavor to be explicit, as you clearly have no understand of subtlety. I do not care what the nature of his motivations were. I view this as justice, and it my perception alone which matters when we are alone in this room. Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes."

August released Flint. He scrambled back, pulling the wool blankets over himself, as though a child believing they would protect him from a monster.

"What are your plans, then?" August asked.

"Excuse me? I planned to kill your 'beloved Ambrose' and then you, but that doesn't really seem on the table as of now."

August curled its lip in disgust. "I meant for after you are turned. I presume you are leaving, and I await your departure with great longing."

"Oh, so I can leave after I'm turned? Why not now? There's not a damn thing I can do about becoming a blood sucking demon, so you may as well get rid of me."

"Once again, you have formed a correct opinion. Yet, once again, you have mistaken me for my beloved. He wants to keep you, as though you are some sort of feral cat he is keen on adopting. Though he has made it clear that you may leave after your resurrection, and I will be glad to see the last of you."

"So, what are my options then?" Flint asked bitterly. "I clearly can't repent and expect to be cured for this affliction, as I already attempted. Yet I will not succumb to temptation and prey on the life blood of good men and women."

"Would you rather commit the sin of suicide and be counted among the damned souls in Hades?"

Flint's mind raced. It seemed an appalling fate, yet it would save the lives of many others.

"Is that even possible?" he asked.

"Would I suggest it if it were not?"

August stormed from Flint's room, satisfied with the rage and confusion it had caused.

Flint stood from his bed then, his blankets thrown to the ground, shaking as though a cat left outside in the snow overnight.

Surely an eternity spent in the ceaseless, all consuming fire and brimstone of hell was better than becoming a demon bound to this world, forced to prey on those who were once counted as his fellow man.

He ran across the room and rummaged around in the desk, finding crumpled feather quills, dried inkwells, reams of decaying paper, and-

a letter opener, still sharp after however many decades spent laying at the bottom of a drawer.

Flint examined it, drawing blood as he ran his thumb over the edge of the blade. He brought it to this throat with haste, for there was no way to determine when his tormentors would return to his prison.

The horrible numbness from Ambrose's feeding had long since subsided, leaving every nerve in Flint's neck ablaze with the knowledge of his looming death.

A smile crept across his face, the first in many weeks, as he tore through still more of his still mortal flesh, blood pouring over the blade, soaking his hands and body which it ought to be keeping alive.

He was made a child yet again, spinning around in circles, making himself ill with dizziness, before finally collapsing onto dew covered grass.

His last thoughts before falling unconsciousness were of his mother, who would surely scold him for the grass stains on his clothing.

Taglist: @elim-flower @thedarkmongoose @mx-arsenic @anomalys-taxonomy @devourerofcheesecake @whumpsday @echo-goes-aaa @itsmyworld98 @verysmallandverygay @kisaisacat @whumpycries @whumpshaped @whatwasmyprevioususername @interdimensional-chaos @kira-the-whump-enthusiast

#Whump #Suicide #Whumpblr #Our Man Flint #Vampire whumper #Human whumpee #Whumper turned whumpee #Whumpee turned whumper #Religious whump #Major character death

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heyharoldsboo · 1 year

Note

Hey everyone, Im gonna assume mama duckling has been getting some very depressive asks lately. Where is Percy, why is Percy not posting, we need to see Percy?!

I understand all of you so much. He has remained silent and as we have discussed many times why, that was the right choice. But I know probably everyone would like a bigger sign of life and would like for him to go out there and pretend like nothing happened. I too think its time for him to "rip off the bandaid" as we speak and face the music. But the truth is that no matter what we believe, what matters is what he feels.

Let me put it into a list for everyone to see. This boy has : been the victim of an online smear campaign, got called a rapist a pedo and a groomer when we all not know he is not one, got made fun of for his appearance. Nude pictures from when he was a legit child, 13 years old, leaked and were shared online and people made fun of his body... he became a victim of sexual abuse himself, do you all realize how messed up that is? people (in the hundreds probably) send him message to kill myself, how his mother should have aborted him and how he is a waste of space and should die. His entire social media likes and history got microanalyzed, so many things he has said or done got twisted into horrible things. His friends and family got harassed. There were petitions to get him fired. Did I miss something? I missed a lot I'm sure.

It has been 3 months, thats it!!!! Some people need a lifetime of therapy to get over what I just listed. Think about it, how would you feel if it happened to you? Would you be ready to face the world so soon? From experience, he has had it rough mental heath wise, no way around it! But slowly, it gets better. What he needs now is support from his fans, friends and patience. GIVE HIM TIME! wtv time he needs. Please dont loose hope and dont be negative. The wait will be worth it, I am sure of it.

And as for duck mom, please don't flood her asks anymore with negativity. Send in positive messages. Im sure she has her own life, work, family, problems to deal with. She's human like all of us! But she's still here supporting Percy whenever and however she can, probably more than any of us do. So be kind to her please, she has done so much! Stop with the gloomy depressive asks and also the asks about Percy's personal stuff. I think its pretty obvious none of his defenders are in the business of spilling his personal info that they most probably don't even know.

be kind and positive everyone please! This will be over at one point and there are many great days ahead! trust that please!

And thanks Ana for all you do xox

Percy is who is important in this story. How he is feeling and how we can better support him. Not us.

We all miss him like crazy because he CHOSE to share his life with us before.

Let’s celebrate him. Show him the love. It’s what I have been trying to do.

And yeah, I’m not in the business of spilling his info. I have shown this day after day here, that if somehow I have information, it won’t leave my hands. It’s a promise I make to everyone who comes to my inbox messages, to every anon that asks me not to share. And it wouldn’t be different with Percy.

So yeah. Thank you duckling. Truly, thank you for your words.

#heyharoldsboo talks #percy is innocent #i stand with percy

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pangyham · 5 months

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Bg3 is insanely fun to me so far. very early in the game but knowing ive barely started makes me excited at the prospect of more cutscenes, quests, and character interactions..!!!

i was just talking to my friend about how easy it is to REALLY project yourself into the game because of how authentic and variable the character + spatial interactions are and i was like. oh god i would not survive in this world. i think for rpgs in general i will never not be able to separate myself from the chatacters i play as just because i control them. but they will always be a separate, well established character with just a bit of me in them. it's different in bg3 because of how my personal ideologies affect the storyline and characters around me, and i think it's really interesting playing a game where your character and the world around you arent narratively static or fixed (it also helps i customized my paladin) It feels real! and this isnt new, it's just very novel to me as someone who doesnt play games like bg3, and i wonder what other games offer this immersion? my only exposure to open world rpgs are genshin and botw/totk but they cant really compare because genshin has a linear storyline and you dont really influence the characters and teyvat because the narrative is already laid out (and it also clashes against the game's open world mechanic which makes the world feel, at least to me, very synthetic). botw is more of an exploration game since its whole point is testing the limits of open world. so it's not super story driven imo, not to say it doesnt have a solid story. but i love these games dearly, and bg3 offers a really satisfying and fulfilling extension to what i truly want in an rpg

but anyway that was just a tangent but basically i told my friend how my paladin pangy is kind of.. stupid. *I* am stupid. HAHAHA i happen to fall for a lot of schemes and am easily deceived. astarion killed me because i didnt shove him away after letting him bite me, afraid he might die of malnourishment. got pickpocketed by a kid (and my character ironically failed the perception check TWICE. i had no idea what was going on until my friend in call told me j just got robbed). believed the fake sobstory of the paladins who attacked karlach and had to reload my save slot so i had the upperhand. i have 0 survival instincts...it's almost ridiculous but also incredibly funny. it made me realize that this is a game worth taking seriously (and that im just. really clueless 🧍‍♂️). but the experience is fun, and i like how the stakes are high (for the most part). i have Got to get my shit together i cant get jumped like this all the time

#im also insanely sexless and rizzless #i dont pick up on romantic cues at all bro and this one i can see Why #because i have trouble picking up on some conventional social cues irl 🧍‍♂️#it's just the touch of the tism...#but anyway i accidentally rizzed up karlach and i didnt know telling her “we should deal with that engine of yours” after she offered sex #was like.. a confirmation. i thought it was a NEUTRAL response #my friend told me that the chances of me wooing other characters are slim because my romance route is fixed on karlach #or more like theres no guarantee i can romance others if ive progressed too far with karlach #and it had me kinda deflated because i was somewhat set on shadowheart. so i just went back 3 hours of gameplay back to the save slot #where i encountered the first romance scene w karlach to explicitly turn her down #have to redo all my progress since then but i just took the L if it means it saves my chances with shadowheart🫡

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bulletsgirl · 1 year

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sorry i need to write this and im really frunk but i need to type it anyway. when i was going home as many peopl know the first thing i did after top surgery was put on welcome to th ebblack parade. and i burst into tears. ic ouldnt help it. i was so happy. i was so fucking. and my dad. my dad hadnt seen me cry in fivce years. and he said so. i ahdnt reqalzed it had been so long. but when he sadi that he said should i pull ovcer because truly he didnt know what to do. he didnt. but tears streaming down my face i was like. please just listen. listen. do you understand what this was to me. what it was. there is clear memory of being 14 at a waterpark and looking agt my mom. while i wore a bikini and asking her to accept that i was a boy. i felt stupid . i felt righteous. i remembered gerard. my mom told me she'd never respect that and neither wuld my dad. one day they did but it took me threatening to never spewak to them. the thing is -> i could not give a fuck . DO OR DIE. youll never make me. go ancd trhy. youll never break me. WE ANT IT ALL. WE WANN APLAY THIS PART. and gthen. i looked my dad in the eye. the man who two years elarier would have nedver thought he could accept that iw as trans. the man who was driving me home from getting my top surgery at 5am. and thorugh tears along to gerard i muttered. i wont explain. or say im sorry. im unashamed. im gona show my scars. and in that moment i touched my chest. where the bandasges where. i knew i was being ridiculous. i knew i was crying from happiness even tohugh i hadnt cried from sadness since i was 14. and i said give a cheer for all the broken. dad. and listen here because its who we are. BECAUSE IM JUST A MAN (im not but i am) im not a hero (i never was and im not now) im just a boy(of course i am. of course) who had gto sing this song <- and the thing was if i hadnt gotten top surgery or started t i wouldve killed myself. i just wouldve. but of course i didbt. i was who i wanted to be. finally. i was in that car and id never been closer to what gerard was saying. i was there. finally. finally. finally. i was who i wanted to be. the drains were still attached, i hadnt seen my chest yet, and i was who i wanted to be. thank god. thank myself, because i was the one who fucking TRIED. TO . GET THESE THINGS. only me. in alabama, when i had to leave the state for almost a year just to get testosterone, i tried. and i did it. i did it. i did it. i am who i am. i am a man but im not a man. by virture of the fac tthat im not a hero. im j ust aboy. who had to lplay this part. isnt taht crazy. i had to. i dont anymore. i am who i am. i love who ia m. no matter how bad life gets. who i am is beautiful. i love it. i cherish it. and then when black parade ended i played mama. the song that when i was young made me ralize i was transgender. and i remembered how i felt the first time i heard it. walking in circles. outside mh house with my headphones in. so so young. realizing what i was. finally. and being scared so scared i stopped listening to mcr. nd now i think. i had no idea. that htings could be okay. that my body could be my body.and now it is. thakn you my chemical romance. THANK YOU WASHINGTON <- me. because i deserve to be thanked for being myself. k bye

#actuall ysober me dont delete this its beautiful and true and you know it

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grox · 1 year

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Honestly I cleaned all the shit up off my floor and I am palpably less suicidal so whatever. Literally big whoop. Its fucked up that we will all go crazy with age and that we are run by the crazy because nobody can escape it. That the insanity pervades every inch of life, human animal and plant. Like let's be real, we're literally all on a timer. For just, world shattering grief. And once you realize it, you feel like you're living thousands at once. Every little moment in time where you still have most your loved ones, most your friends, your family, a pet, a neighbor, every single micro instance you are getting closer to losing them. So you go crazy. You feel like youre losing everything pre-emptively. A little bit of a test drive. Of course you'll never truly know how it feels until it happens. We are all damned to this, everything that creates life may do so then die. Or not, who gives a shit. & I feel like I'm the only person I know whos been this deeply rocked by this news. Like. Uhm, why is nobody talking about this. This is something that forces its way to the front of my mind every chance it gets. I miss when I was free from it. I literally want it to stop so bad I've considered killing myself so I can stop thinking about it. But thats an idiotic move. I hate grief. I dont want to make more of it. Not to my friends, not to my mommy. I wish I could just grab a stranger off the street and give them whatever the fuck I got in my head so it leaves me alone. Maybe slip it in their pocket like a stone. I feel fucking insane the way I genuinely feel like I can't enjoy anything because I know it too will die. Like isnt it a bit fucked. And this knowlege, the fact that everything is temporary is supposed to like, increase the value of the like, literal miracle of life and shit. And believe me, it does. Now that I've repaired my relationship to my mother I realize now how fragile her life is. I take her to dinner more often, buy her flowers more often, help her more, hang out with her more. I am creating memories for myself, and for her. I just want her to be happy. I know for a fact that if I killed myself she would follow. I love her so fucking much. I don't want her to suffer any more than I've already made her. Lets be frank, I fucking suck. For so much of my life I felt like I was put on this earth just to curse her. She went through hell to have me, and I fucking hated her. For no reason. I grew up thinking she would kill me, I made her cry and shit. And we're cool now. I want her last years to be happy. But after that? What then? She had to deal with her mothers death. But she's like 50. What of me? When I lose her young? I could kill myself after she dies, and I will really really really want to, but that's literlly stupid. Its stupid. What animal in nature kills itself because mommy died. We just, we all have to deal with it eventually, we all have to move on. If anything I could shit out a kid in my late 20s so it can also go through with what every single thing on earth from the first fucking sunbeam to touch the dead rocks had to deal with. The kid can go crazy just like me. Like literally every conscious thing & it literally doesnt matter. I can't tell this shit to a therapist cause I'm afraid she'll hit the silent alarm on me and they'll make the ending of i have no mouth and I must scream happen to me

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d1xkrider · 1 year

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Blood sucker

Vampire hunter Black! gn reader x Vampire Angel Devil

warnings. (Some warnings are serious others are just things I want people to know).

cursing(not as much),

you rip your arrow out of the young vampire's ribs and clutch its heart in between your fingers. “You are such a nuisance.” Annoyed you sighed placing the arrow back in your stack. You start to walk over to your motorcycle but realize something’s off. “Boring. How quickly you notice things truly upsets me.” The voice groaned. It was a vampire with gorgeous pale skin, red hair, a white turtle neck, and black pants but no shoes? His lashes flutter somehow his precence made you feel cautious but entertained. This guy... what does he want from you?

He was floating in the air admiring the anger in your eyes and rotating himself to be set on the dirt floor. “Relax, I’m not planning on killing you.” He reassured but that didn't stop you from gripping your dagger tightly. "You know you can't kill me with that. Even if you try, trust me. Many before you have died looking as determined as you." I swiftly throw my dagger and immediately like reflex grab my arrow ready to attack. Instead, he pushes my arm again deflecting my move and seeing past my fast reflexes, I was fast

but he is much faster.

My back collapses onto the hard dirt floor. As i gasp at the sudden feeling his knee pierces right into my abdomen making me unable to move anywhere.

"You know. Im, not one to go out of my way to do anything slightly physical. Blinking itself is such a pain." He spoke in a soft voice ignoring my grunts of resistance. "But I have been watching you for a while. And I must say I am rather interested in you."

He pulls my hands above my head and intertwines them as he eyes me. He leans in as his hair covered my face. He was so close that his breath hits my nose., Blood. the smell of blood and a hint of mint I smelt. I wasn't disgusted by this scent but felt that I was weakened by a lot, this man as small as a car door is straddling me like some weakling holding me down with ease. I hated it, I hated feeling weak, I have felt weak and belittled by these species for as long as I can remember. No more. I cannot stand it. I refuse to believe I am being handled like this.

Make it stop. Please make it stop.

"Your heart...It sped up. Why is that so?" He questioned. He waits for my answer but I do not speak. I cannot let it hear the tremble in my voice. I couldn't let him know this bone-crushing position hurts even when he does he has no proof. I can't cry. I am a proud Vampire killer and we do not tremble or cry to no one.

The gorgeous blood-sucking creature uses this moment to pierce his nails into the back of my palms with the hope of hearing my voice but I do not give him that privilege.

"Even when you can feel your blood leaking out of you you still manage to stay silent, so amusing you are." I could hear the glee in his voice but his face is stone cold with curiosity within his eyes. "I have been following you for quite some time now. I was curious on how you could keep on going, when you have lost so much."

He spoke like he knew me. Like he knew everything that has led up for me to become a vampire hunter. Deaths, sacrifices, betrayal, and being used. His face is so hard to read making me turn my head away from his demanding stare. "Uh uh face me. I want to see how you react to my words." He lets go of one of my hands and forces my head back into place.

"Why me." I forced. His eyes brighten. He lifts himself off me giving me an opening. I kick his stomach as hard as I could and pull myself back and away from him. My legs felt weak like I hit a wall of bricks. The man holds his stomach unfazed and sighs. "I knew you were going to do that." He shakes his head. "Im going to fucking kill you!" I screamed taking out a large red faded dagger. "Can't you see? You cannot kill me." He starts to take a few steps forward ignoring my poor attempts at leaping at him and stabbing. "I can hear your thoughts y'know." He deflects my moves and slams my head against a tree making me twist up in rage. "Your heartbeat is so emotional and loud." He grabs my wrist and forces me onto the same tree and just stays there. I struggled for so long, that I felt exhausted. His face made me so angry and the way he speaks so monotone. I just couldn't.

I stop moving completely. "I want to know one thing and one thing only." He whispered.

"And what the fuck is it?" I spat.

"Why do you try so hard to live. When there is nothing for you to go back to."

I didn't know how to reply to what he said. Since he was correct, nothing is waiting for me anymore. But my will to live still is within me. He stares at me waiting for an answer, any answer. His lips quiver and his eyes dart to every discoloration, bruise, hair, and mark on my face. I gulp the lump that has formed within my throat hard. "I don't know," I said. He stares at me for a little longer and grits his teeth together.

"They gotta be around here somewhere!" I heard many voices at the entrance of the forest and a sigh of relief. "These fuckers take so long to save one of their own," I said. When I looked back at the redhead he had vanished without a trace. I stand up holding the parts that hurt and try to make it out of the forest Blood drips from my body and I groan every time I take a step. Birds flutter and branches broke. commotion getting louder and louder and-

"Holy shit what happened to you?!" A man asked with expensive body gear at each part of his body.

"Vampires," I replied before collapsing into a deep sleep.

Even though I have been saved, the ache did not leave my heart. I still felt hopeless, lost, and weak.

The more I think about what happened the more it affected how I lived. How could I let such a blood-hungry animal speak about me in such interest?

and why do i long to speak to him again.....

-end-

(pt2?)

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 3 months

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WHO AM I? - Learning To Appreciate Myself, & Honoring My Goodness.

I've been growing in different avenues and for the longest time I've been having to sit with myself. I think this is the closest I've gotten to understand adulthood in many of its forms and its the process of sitting with your emotions even when all you wanna do is run away.

I guess you've got it. I've grown up. I feel it.. But then, I dont? I feel as though I have a lot of playfulness in me, but I feel the seriousness taking up space. I can acknowledge that I haven't been doing my job, and have lost myself along the way.. Because I've been who I am, I'm wondering if I could be another. I'm holding myself hostage, I feel it. I can't lie, there is so much I want to be but I've put a mask on myself so that others couldn't perceive the real me.. Only to still be perceived by false perception.

Misunderstood is code word for, I dont care to understand this person, so I'm just going to label them how I see them, how I value them and so on so forth. So I never go out my way to call myself deeply misunderstood, even though I can be.. Thats not the life I wish to see for myself.

I've been wanting to runaway. Not emotionally, just physically. Like get out of town. Move away. That's all I've been wanting. I held on to my family and friends because I didn't want to lose them, or have them miss out on my growth but then.. Chaos had came through my life and I feel now its best to just get away, and I feel it necessary to grow apart.

I mean.. I'm sure they'll miss me, of course.. But there is no way I can grow in this town I live in. Atlanta is not what it use to be, & I'm tired of feeling alone in this. I want to get away.

I've tried to go out and flow, but the flow here is chaotic and triumphing from the damage that has been done on to me and others is a story board full of discussion.

Even the LGBTQ+ scene isn't enough for me, which was the only reason I really stayed put in the city. I love my city, I do.. but.. I've got a feeling I've grown enough to accept that I must be aligned with my truest feelings and this one takes the cake.

As I'm learning to appreciate adulthood, I'm learning to accept my past truths. I was alone, tired, scared, and adulting was not my favorite thing. I mean, I didn't care. I just wanted to enjoy it. I wasn't enjoying life, so I focused on the partying and drinking. And FUNNY enough, I took part of it even when I told myself I wouldn't. I put myself in spaces having the belief I would be okay, and when it did not happen that way... I failed... distanced myself from people and got out of their business.

Just went away into my little closet, holding on to the meat costumes before they'd be skin and bone. I didn't wanna be alone in it but I felt it best that way.

And then there it was, I opened up a can of worms.

My rage, my power, my worth, it all started to make sense.

I opened up to my darkness and realized how much of me I had left unnoticed. While I was running away from my problems because of depression, I learned why that depression was there. I wasn't having fun. I wasn't loving life. I was too serious. I called it imposter syndrome. It was killing me from the inside. I had to find myself multiple times and realized I wasn't lost... I just didn't want to be the human God intended me to be. And my heart could feel it, I just didnt know it at the time.

I was fighting 'demons' that were fears of my worth. Fears from my past lives, my exhaustion was tied to the world and the need to be in this patriarchal society. Im done. Its over with, man. And learning to accept my pain in all of it, made things full circle. I had to start all over, another thing in adulthood that isn't everyones favorite. But its starting to become mine.

What I'm learning now, is that I can appreciate why I was running. I'm still going back and forth with me on if I'm truly 'nonbinary' or not, and what that even means for a woman like me. What does it mean to like woman and to want to be in the closet knowing pleasure is around the corner. And what am I even doing? What was the point of it? For the male gaze? Idk.

But for once in my life, I'm getting the hang of appreciating my inner self / inner child instead of forcing her inside the house never letting her see the sunshine on a beautiful day.

I got it all figured out... not. But that's the beauty of it all.

#blog #mydiary #kindness #thoughts #woman things #blogging #blogger #adulthood #adulting #lgbt #expressing myself #the art of expression #deja's blog

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blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda · 10 months

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k…so…hmm i don’t know if i’ll leave this up. im truly in a moment where i just wanna be lowkey. i don’t exactly want to be perceived too much rn. but this pride is really important to me. and i don’t really even know if this is worth anyone’s time, but i feel like i should say something...if only just to be able to look back and see that i did celebrate in my own way.

i don’t think i’ve had a pride where i’ve experienced it the way i would have liked, tho this is the year where i really feel whats at the heart of it the most. im queer and genderfluid/nonbinary. not just in how i love, but also how i live. i’ve had some recent revelations about all that that’s been really exciting, but a lot of figuring myself out happened in the midst of a great deal of crisis so there hasn’t been very much, joy or celebration these past few years. last year in particular was so hard i experience such a severe period of anhedonia and apathy i didn’t think i’d see the other side of it. iwtv was the first thing i was able to fully enjoy, and feel the enjoyment, and then coming on here and meeting so many amazing lgbtq+ people (espc. my black mutuals) has been mind altering. not even an exaggeration! talking and sharing ideas and laughing and just enjoying you guys has shifted my life experience in ways i wish you knew. i wish words could express it, but i don't think they really can. so i guess this is a thank you to my gay vampire show family as it is a very real celebration that i chose to watch it and that i'm still here.

there used to be a goal post for not being here. and wanting to see S2 shifted that. and then immersing myself within this fandom experience gave me reasons to push it further. and then suddenly i was being inspired to do things for me that i had given up on just bc connections i've made. and now i dont even know where that goal post is. it used to be so clear and in sight. i was almost a statistic in the worst way. one of the most effective way to erase us is by making us take ourselves out of life so they can say it was us all along. something was wrong within is. but nothing is wrong with all the beautifully complex and chaotic ways i exist. something is wrong with a society that doesn't want me in it when the world clearly does. when it keeps giving me reasons to keep going and keep fighting despite the opposition. even if i took myself out, i couldn't be erased anyways bc i’m so loved. as i am. im loved. and i love and that’s really untouchable. on the other side of not being able to feel, and not being able to care. im reminded im loved. and i feel it now. and i care so much about it that its given me fight. its given me the stubbornness and spite required to live in all this.

i think a lot about this.

[image description: a poem by Lucille Clifton titled - won’t you celebrate with me.

won’t you celebrate with me

what i have shaped into

a kind of life? i had no model

born in babylon

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay,

my one hand holding tight

my other hand; come celebrate

with me that everyday

something has tried to kill me

and has failed.

end image description]

i know theres a lot of pain. and grief and uncertainty that exists throughout this fandom. i know there’s a lot people are experiencing that they aren't sharing or getting into. if my life is anything to go by i know that suffering in this life can sometimes be so egregious you question what it’s all for. i question that a lot. even now. and i don't have an answer really. I don't think it’s my place to answer that for others anyways. but i’m celebrating you guys bc you’ve helped me feel. and care. and i attribute so much of the joys i’ve had these past several months to getting to experience you all. you were here when i came searching for something to connect to. even if i didn’t realize that’s what i was doing at the time. we’re here together now. and you may not know it or feel it. but just you being here ripples and reaches. so i really hope you’ll celebrate with me. they didn't kill us. and the ones that have passed live on in the ways we still love them. still grieve them. and honor them in everything we do. our lives are written in pen and permanent marker all over the world. they’ll tear off the flesh of their fingers, raw and bloody, before they ever succeed in wiping us away. we’re rooted in the core. the earth remembers us and keeps bringing us back. bc we belong here. happy pride.

#a little pride message to my fellow children of gay vampire divorce #this fandom has been really meaningful #also a personal message to myself about what it is to survive #i used to hate when people called me a survivor. it still kinda irks me #but i do like being something that can’t be killed #queer really and truly as in fuck you #but also queer as in i love you sm #🌈💕✨🫶🏾#mw posts

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orbleglorb · 11 months

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now that more ppl are offline (and probably won't see it): here's a full mourning of blaseball, i guess.

warnings for suicide and mental health treatment. pls don't reblog this lol i just need it off my chest

i, like many others, discovered blaseball during the pandemic. i discovered it in... august? maybe? i think i "joined" around season 7, and really joined around season 10.

2020 was a rough year for me. 2021 was, too. in january 2021, i went to a residential treatment center. i was there until august 2021 (which is actually an incredibly short stay). the expansion era (seasons 12-24) happened march 2021 thru july 2021. it ended july 30th. i got out august 6th. literally like 6 fucking days. i am still pissed about this btw

anyway! i was 15 when i joined blaseball. im 18 now. im an adult. my first team, back in summer o' 2020, was the boston flowers. then i fluted to the shoe thieves. then the lift. and i was with the data witches during the coffee cup. i had fun on all of those teams! i even roleplayed some characters on twitter (i ran one of the val hitherto accounts, a kit honey account and jason datablase). (if you remember me from the first rp server i am so sorry. i don't remember what i said/did but im 90% sure it sucked).

throughout treatment, i kept blaseball close to my heart. my friends were able to send me letters, and i asked them to keep me updated on blaseball. they didn't, and at first, i was pretty upset. but when i got back, i understood why. there's really no way to explain the expansion era. even the wiki struggled. there was just.... so much. all the time. (although, when i broke up with my then-gf via mail, she sent me back a long letter explaining everything that happened in blaseball between seasons 12 and... 16? maybe?). nevertheless, my love for the splort persisted. i wrote fanfic in treatment, despite not knowing whether or not these characters would be alive when i got to get on the internet again. in hindsight, i probably could have snuck on blaseball.com on the computers, but some of the staff were just cruel. i would have been banned from using the computers at all, or from being alone near devices, or maybe from going outside, if a TL was having a particularly bad day. all of that aside: i loved and i created within a space that, looking back, was hostile. more hostile than i realized. i drew so much art, none of which i will be posting because i couldn't use reference images and the anatomy is so bad. i also listened to the garages. god, i listened to so much garages. suicide warning for this last part of the paragraph -- the night i had decided to kill myself, i put on music while waiting for others to go to sleep, and in the feedback (night) came on. the "i don't know i'd get you back" really, really dug deep. obviously, i didn't commit, and i have blaseball to (partially) thank for that.

i wouldn't say blaseball, specifically, saved my life. i would have found other songs that made me feel okay. other communities, other interests. but blaseball offered all of that. and, above all: it offered a creative space.

blaseball is unique in that fans create player and team lore, but it still gives a foundation for these. it's easier than making your own story from scratch, and (sometimes) easier than making ocs for your favorite piece of media. allowing that much creativity in a place with the basic building blocks of plot and world building & not much else is what drove many ppl to enjoy blaseball, including me. especially in the pandemic, when everyone was low on energy and motivation. i haven't shared a sizeable fraction of the blaseball art and fics i have created. i created so much because of this game!

i am going to love these characters until the end of time. i am going to carry a piece of them with me forever. literally. i have so many blaseball headmates. and, truly, i do have them and other headmates to thank for helping me get out of that place. they've done more than blaseball itself has. but, blaseball was the right thing at the right time: a mixture of community, music, characters to project onto, and characters to photocopy into my brain forever (the last part wasn't intentional, of course, but it did help).

blaseball will always be important to me, as all of my special interests are, past and present. i am forever changed because of it, but like, i'm 98% sure it's for the better. like, homestuck changed me, but that was 70% for the worse, probably. so it didn't have as much of a negative impact on me as homestuck did! which, like, is a bar so low it's in the sixth circle stadium, but i'll count it as a win.

i don't know how to end this rant. really, it's been amazing. i love this community and will continue to. i will continue to create blaseball content for as long as my autistic heart latches onto it, which can be, like, another two months or another ten years. who knows? not me. and i have to be okay with not knowing.

im terrified this community is going to fall apart. i've made great friends here. i will love you all and follow you whether you go. just don't go where i can't follow (hockey rpf)

i love you, blaseblr mutuals. i love you, blaseball community. i have a love-hate relationship with you, blaseball sim. many teams, one league!

#blaseball (organizational)

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isonoe-kallichore-kirby · 4 months

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The Smile Sad face killer

This is my first ever creepypasta OC. I made him when I was 8, so if the story is a little weird, that is way. Anyway, I hope you like it <3

TW: identity crisis, demon, demon poisson, murder, blood, axe

Word count: 10,792

One fateful day, while sifting through dusty jars in an old lab, Lee unearthed a weathered leather journal. The book's spine cracked and its pages yellowed, but Lee couldn't resist its alluring aura. As he turned the fragile pages, he realized that this wasn't just any old journal; it belonged to the infamous Smile, Sad Face Killer. The handwriting within the pages was eerie and twisted, as if written by a different person entirely. As he began to read, Lee found himself drawn into the tortured mind of the killer, feeling an unsettling mix of revulsion and empathy.

"1/12/99. Everyone here is so nice to me; they didn't make fun of me. There's this guy; I don't know his name because he keeps looking me up and down. I think he likes me. Maybe I could... no, that's stupid. I'll just wait. Maybe he'll talk to me first." Lee's heart sank as he continued to read. The pages were filled with the twisted musings of a tortured soul, detailing the daily struggles and small victories of the Smile Sad Face Killer. He felt a strange sense of connection to this person, as if he were peering into the deepest, darkest corners of their minds. The more he read, the more he realized that the killer was just as much of a victim as their countless victims.

"2/3/99. They said I would get surgery to fix my face. But I don't have any problems with it, or at least I don't think I do. They say it's for my own good that I'll be more beautiful. But I don't want to be beautiful. I just want to be left alone." Lee's brow furrowed as he read these lines. The killer seemed to be struggling with their own identity, grappling with the idea of being "fixed" against their will. He felt a pang of empathy for this lost soul, trapped in a world where they didn't belong. The handwriting on the page grew more erratic, as if the emotions were becoming too much for the killer to contain.

"2/3/99. The guy who keeps looking me up and down said I would look better if I wore more 'revealing clothing' or something. I don't know what that means, but I think it's rude. I don't want to look better; I just want to be me. Why can't they understand that? It's like they all want to change me into something I'm not. Maybe that's why I'm like this. Maybe it's because they never accepted me for who I am. I wish I could just disappear, just fade away into nothingness." The pages continued to chronicle the killer's inner turmoil and their struggles with identity and self-acceptance amidst a world that seemed intent on changing them into someone they didn't want to be. Lee felt a deep sense of sadness well up within him as he read on, his heart aching for the lonely soul trapped within the twisted mind of the Smile Sad Face Killer. He could feel the weight of their suffering pressing down upon him, as if he were the only one who truly understood their pain.

"2/4/99. They fucking ripped off half of my face; they lied to me! I wish I was dead. I wish I never woke up from that dream. Why did they have to do this? I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. It hurts so much, and it's not like it's going to help. It's not like anyone's going to love me now. They all just want me to be pretty and perfect. Well, fuck them. I wish they could see what they've done. I wish they could feel this pain." Lee's stomach churned as he read these words. The despair and anger were palpable, almost tangible. He could feel the weight of the killer's suffering pressing down on him. It was as if he were living through this nightmare himself. The journal continued to detail the killer's descent into madness, chronicling their first kill and the twisted justifications they made for it. Lee couldn't help but feel a sense of horror and disbelief as he turned the pages, each new entry more chilling than the last.

"3/1/99. They gave me a mask to hide my face; it has half a smile and half a sad face. They said I would 'look better' and 'I look good in this' mask that hides me. I hate them, I hate this place, and I hate myself. But I don't want to die; I don't want to be alone. So I'll keep going, I'll keep smiling, and I'll keep killing. Maybe then they'll leave me alone; maybe then I'll finally be free." The pages of the journal grew increasingly stained with blood, the ink running like tears. The killer's handwriting became more and more erratic, reflecting the turmoil within their minds. They spoke of the pleasure they found in watching their victims suffer and the relief they felt when they finally took their last breath. The world around them became a blur of pain and confusion as they struggled to maintain their tenuous grip on sanity.

"6/23/99. They won't stop calling me Test 609; my name is Cabal! I can't take it anymore. The voices, the pain, the faces. They all blur together into one endless nightmare. I wish I could just sleep and never wake up. But no, they won't let me die. They keep me alive; they keep me suffering. Why? What have I done to deserve this?" The killer's thoughts spiraled out of control, their handwriting becoming more and more illegible. They spoke of their hatred for the doctors, the nurses, and the orderlies. They dreamt of escaping, of finding a way out of the labyrinthine hospital. But each time they tried, their weakened state made it impossible. They felt like caged animals, trapped in a world that didn't want them to exist.

"8/2/99. There is this demon, and he keeps telling me that if I let him in, he would end all my pain. I don't trust him, though; he makes me feel like if I let him use my body, he will kill people, and I won't be able to control my body." Lee flipped the page, his heart racing as he read the killer's inner turmoil. I can't sleep, and I can't eat. All I can do is think about them and how they look at me. I want them to suffer, just like I do. I want them to feel the pain that they put me through. I want them to know what it's like to be trapped in this body, in this prison."

"8/9/99. The demon keeps talking to me; I can hear it; it's in my dreams now; it won't let me sleep unless I let it in; it says if I let it in, it will end everything; it will end my pain; it will make them suffer for what they did; it will make everything better. I'm so tired; I just want to sleep, but the demon won't let me. It keeps whispering in my ear, and I can't ignore it anymore. I feel like I'm losing control, like I'm not in charge of my own body. It's so hard to think straight and to remember who I am and what they did to me. The demon is winning, and I don't know how much longer I can fight it." The journal entries became increasingly erratic after that date, with incoherent ramblings about the demon and its promises of revenge. Lee could feel the killer's sanity slipping away, their grip on reality growing more tenuous with each passing day. The entries became more violent, with the killer expressing a desire to hurt and kill everyone around them, not just their original victims.

"8/11/99. Who am I? What is my name any more? Is it Cabal or Coco? I don't know any more. The demon has a name; it's name is Darcy, and it tells me that it will help me and that it will make everything better. It says that we can work together and that we can make them suffer. It tells me that it will give me the strength to escape and find my way out of this nightmare. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can feel it inside me, whispering to me and guiding me. It feels so good to finally have someone on my side, someone who understands what I've been through. But at the same time, I'm scared. I'm scared of what it might make me do. I'm scared that I might lose myself completely. I wish there was someone who could help me—someone who could make it all stop. But there isn't. There's just me and Darcy, and the endless cycle of pain and suffering." Lee feels bad for the killer and for the desperate situation they're in. He wonders if there's anything he could do to help or make things better. But he knows that it's unlikely. The hospital is a fortress, and the killer is a prisoner, trapped in their own mind. There's no easy way out of this nightmare.

"8/12/99. The demon is getting stronger; I can feel it. It's taking control more and more, pushing me towards things I know are wrong. It tells me that it will make everything better and that it will help me escape, but I can't shake the feeling that there's something else going on. Sometimes, when it's in control, I feel a cold, dark presence inside me. It's like there's another person living inside my skin, and they're not the person I want to be. I try to fight it, but it's hard. The demon is so powerful and seductive. It tells me that it loves me, that it will always be there for me, and that I don't have to be afraid anymore. But I am afraid. I'm afraid of what it will make me do and what will become of me if I let it win." The killer's desperation is palpable in their words. Lee can feel the weight of their suffering pressing down on him. He wishes there was something he could do to help, but he knows that the hospital is not a place for heroes. He continues to read, hoping to find some clue as to what might be going on inside the killer's head.

"8/13/99. The demon is in control now. It's been hours, maybe even days. Time doesn't mean anything anymore. All that matters is the voice in my head and the whispers that tell me what to do. It's so strong and persuasive. It's like it knows every weakness I have, every fear, and every doubt. It uses them against me, twisting my thoughts and my feelings until I don't even recognize myself anymore. I can feel it changing me, turning me into something dark, cold, and unfeeling. I want to fight it, but I'm so tired. I just want the pain to stop, even if it means becoming something monstrous in the process." The killer's struggle becomes increasingly apparent as Lee reads on. The weight of the demon's influence grows heavier with each passing day, and the killer's grip on reality slips further away. Lee can feel the hopelessness and despair emanating from the pages, and it's a heavy burden to bear.

"8/14/99. Oh god, the blood is everywhere. What happened? I blacked out, and now there's blood on the walls and on my hands. I can't remember. What did I do? I can feel something inside me; it's like this thing—this thing that's not me—it's like it's alive, it's inside my head, and it's making me do things. I can hear it whispering, telling me that it'll make everything better and that it'll protect me from them. But I can't trust it; I can't trust myself. I just want this to stop. I want to go back to before, when I was just a normal person with a normal life. Who am I?"

#my writing #writers on tumblr #beginner writer #creepypasta #creepypasta oc #creepypasta story #tw demons #TW demon poisson #tw blo0d #TW blood #tw axe

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