#this one is really really bad

[catskullery]

#posted on my uhhhh side art account on twitter and thought i should make it clear here too #since they've been coming out of the woodwork lately #carry on #the terfs are really in their feelings about this one <3 #really down in their hurt little ugly feefees <3 #my they pronoun scares them soooo bad too #awww it's okay little dumb dumb the pronoun can't hurt you here have a binkie

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[catmask]

does anyone have like an anti aesthetic. like something you look at and can recognize as a complete fashion/interior design/artistic movement and understand it but it makes you shudder seeing it. i am not talking like “its morally bad” “its poorly structured” like just sheerly devoid of joy for you actually invites a repulse response.

#also if it wasnt clear this isnt ‘its bad its lazy’ there is a level of like #completion consistancy i am thinking for with this #personally i really do not enjoy the like. vintage chic long red nails fur coats noir esque aesthetic HOWEVER 💥💥💥 #i can recognize that it is put together it is Intentional #i feel like a lot of people are going to say minimalism on this so LET ME SAY 🫰☝️ i recognize that minimalism is Considered an aesthetic #but i *PERSONALLY* do not consider it an aesthetic i consider it the void of one #it is a lapse in aesthetic or personality in the same way a silence in a song is still technically a ‘beat’ but no music is played #however the importance of Space or Breath in design is more akin to a purposeful silence in music #because that silence matters in the same way rhythm and breath in design do #so i guess minimalism is more comparable to like. white noise. the sound of a fan #very little effort and there is a comfort in it i suppose but its not. A Design. okay #TO ME 🤫 #if minimalism has one hater its me if minimalism has no haters im dead

[polarsirens]

This is death itself. This is the biggest and baddest thing in all of fairy tale, and you want to set it free.

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #neverafter #neverafter spoilers #ylfa snorgelsson #little red #big bad wolf #from one wolf to another! #heavily referencing moro from mononoke hime in the first page #i think i pulled a muscle in my shoulder #from drawing those god damn chains lol #fanart #my art #okay i'm really done! is it wednesday yet #(technically it's thursdays for me because of timezones but anyway)

[pineapple-frenzy]

Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara

They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them

But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd

The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #book 2 au #my art #i mentioned in my last book 2 au post that i wanted to include short hair katara into it and y'all were so supportive of it!! 😭😭😭 #so this is how i think it would go #it would happen as katara is trying to evade one of zuko's fire balls #she manages to avoid it but since her hair is long it still caught on fire #she'd be pissed so she water whips the hell out of zuko #and then promptly forgets about it akfhkakdkakdj #even after the sparring session she still hasn't remembered cause 'oh no zuko's in pain i have to help him!' #it isn't until zuko even mentions it that she remembers #zuko thinks she's more calm than i thought she would be after burning her hair so he mentions it to her #little did he know katara just forgor aldjlakdkaljd #n e ways zuko does feel bad so she offers to help fix it up for her #i think after the haircut katara would find herself looking in mirrors when there are any around cause 'zuko thinks i'm beautiful?? really? #zuko doesn't know this tho and he thinks katara is till sad about the unwanted haircut so he keeps telling her that she looks beautiful #and katara just keeps losing it aldjlakdlald #in conclusion they are idiots your honor

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[cosmosnout]

Revelations.

#LOOL a lot OF ppl Though it said ate instead of are so I had to go back and change it #and that’s how Marco found out abt Ace’s dad #AGGHH I COULDT FIND THE ORIGINAL TEMPLATE FOR THIS (idk if there even is one) BUT SAW SOMEONE DO THIS AND IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF THEM #anyhow had to hit marco with that yassification beam 2000 #marco Fans are the strongest ppl out there bc ur man really out here with all that ass on his head /lovingly #anyway I love the wb pirates <<33 #pov: you pull up to the bad handwriting competition but see me #art #my art #fanart #one piece #portgas d ace #ace #Marco #marco the phoenix #op

[lazylittledragon]

do you have an in-depth background for Dorian? I loved the comic with his family members, and it made me wonder about his entire life story!! what is his relationship with his siblings!!! why did he start adventuring!!! dorian is not my bg3 character but I love him as a son

he comes from a huge family of wood elf rangers and he was. a handful

also the whole adventuring thing was a complete accident

he was just walking home and got zapped by the nautiloid

#art #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #tav #he is our collective son #i think he’s very very close to all his sisters but especially the oldest because there’s 12 years between them #so she was sort of a third parent? not in a bad way though #i always figured he was one of the civilians taken from baldur’s gate in the opening cutscene #he really wasn’t supposed to be an adventurer he’s literally just some guy

[artkaninchenbau]

I need Hancock to join Cross Guild so bad

#One Piece #Boa Hancock #Sir Crocodile #Cross Guild #OP Spoilers #My art #Emerging from the void to post one (1) shitpost that got out of hand #''I'll just doodle that really quick. I won't put any effort into it'' #I am a fool #Y'all I haven't had One Piece brainrot this bad in about a decade. I am frankly unwell #The things I've been posting on my sideblog are absolute unhinged

[twinstxrs]

fabian’s insistence on calling someone to tell them about lucy & yolanda because he thought people just deserved to know, out of respect. both deeply sweet & incredibly gutting. (bill seacaster move over that’s MY darling boy)

#(who is also his own darling man boy but that’s besides the point) #fabian seacaster #fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #dimension 20 #ok sorry for all the posts this ep just gave me a lot of feelings it was so #the bad kids really felt like kids in this one for me. what an honor what an injustice & all that #fantasy high spin off season where it’s four episodes set during summer break and incredibly stupid my god please #FREE THEM

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

weird hearing "were you a Theatre Kid" "were you a Sports Kid" "were you a Choir Kid" "were you a Dance Kid" bc no? i mean i did all of that and more but resented ever minute of it? actively avoided sticking with anything? i was a "In This Family After School Activities Are Mandatory Kid"

#oh and i was really really bad at all of it btw #which was a good thing actually otherwise i would have gotten bored even *more* quickly #christ if i was good at a Activity i probably would have had to stick with it #that would have been EXHAUSTING #i survived soooo many Activities by standing in the background doing the bare minimum so I could focus on the Hyperrealistic Daydreams #baseball was my favorite. if u wear a glove u can literally just stand in the back of a field & stare at grass & no one bothers you #i mean usually no one bothers you but there is one specific situation where everyone starts yelling your name real loud and pointing

[linktoo-doodles]

what kind of guy steals 10 doors instead of his tasked 5 just because he can

#grian #secret life #secret life smp #traffic series #traffic smp #mcyt #my art #Linktoo art #sorry guys I havent really been doing much interesting composition recently this one jut ended up being. super self indulgent. my bad

[softinvasions]

DIRECTOR'S NOTE • Nov. 2023

You can't go home. This play has a particular care for and interest in its victims. The resident

inciting event is endless. tragedy is much more concerned with footnotes than it is with gods.

well acquainted with what happens afterward, storytellers claim they can't diverge from what's

written: resist. rage against what must be. tell a story about war without talking

about love. survive its aftermath. fail to find resolution. make this suffering

a home. There's no breaking this chain— fate, as always, gets its way.

Poetry assembled from the program of an Oresteia production. Nov. 2023.

#p #analog #oscillating wildly between liking and hating this but you have to get the gunk out to get going again #the last line...the rest of the poem has to be REALLY solid for it to work and im. not sure it is. but its here lol #bad 'scan' quality too but i am too impatient to wait to get to a real scanner #what i do like about this one is the enjambment #i think its some of my best

[verflares]

i thought i felt your shape, but i was wrong. really all i felt was falsely strong, i held on tight and closed my eyes. it was dumb, i had no sense of your size. it was dumb to hold so tight.

#tumblr murked my quality so bad MY GODDDD please click on this i promise i have somewhat of an idea of wht im doing. kinda #anyway i once again have no idea what i was doing here but i did have fun. they make me miserable in the best way possible #im trying to be a bit more experimental both in style and colour... well. half on tht last one (guy who really likes reds and blues) #but im trying out line weight a bit more. hooty hoo. going to try drawing some more practice portraits n stuff soon #link #zelda #loz #botw #zelink #(a smidge bcus im insane. as usual) #princess zelda #zelda botw #link botw #loz fanart #tloz #i add new tags each time. i just like to get silly with it sometimes tbh :] #my art

[hiding-under-the-willow]

Okay so I need someone who's better at landscapes and art style replication than I am to hop on this idea. because this man and his alien planet biome and storyline were made for the scavengers reign art style fr

#atlas.art #artists on tumblr #mcyt #hermitcraft #hermitcraft 10 #rendog #renthedog #scavengers reign #idea that was stuck in my head so bad I finished three full illustrations in a day #these are all screenshot redraws from the show for those who haven't seen it #you should see it by the way. literally one of the coolest pieces of art ever made and I am not exaggerating in the slightest #but yeah. he and his minecraft speculative alien biology were made for this fucking show #I'm actually really happy with how these came out it's been so long since I've tried drawing in a different art style like this

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)