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beautifulterriblequeen · 3 years

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The Thief and the Tinker, Part 3: I See Fire

part 2

Part 3

Viren: Well how do you suggest we get him out?

Claudia: *grins, brandishes marshmallow on toasting fork* Unharmed is just another kind of harmed

Viren: Claudia no

Claudia: Claudia YES

I See Fire

Angst rating: 9/10

Viren is clever enough not to take the Silvergrove on alone, no matter how badly he wants Ethari to make him a magic key. Aaravos could be cooking in that pod for a while longer, but Viren still has a trustworthy and badass ally at his side.

Oh yeah, it's Claudia Time again!

Claudia is a powerful and imaginative dark mage, and she has the tainted Sun staff. So, you're the magefam, and you've made it to Xadia, to the edges of the Moonshadow Forest. And all you need to do to get the power of your dreams is to threaten one soft craftsman. But how do you find one specific Moonshadow elf in a hidden Moonshadow village somewhere in the middle of a giant spooky magical forest?

You burn him out.

Credit once again to@random-fandom-ramble for reminding me of this forest fire headcanon, because it fits so well. and so I don't get all the blame for this one, lol

Because see, that's not ordinary fire. Oh, no. That's dark magic fire. We've seen that before. It leaves permanent scars. Remember Sol Regem's eyes?

That's going to be the landscape when Claudia's fire gets through with the Moonshadow elves' home. Where I live on the US West Coast, they name forest fires, and if they combine, they get called complexes. So maybe we can name this fire the Dark Tragedy Complex? Because I do have to wonder... you could start a dark magic forest fire easily with a tainted Sun staff, but how do you put it out?

Two things are going to happen if these events should unfold. One is angsty. The other is also angsty but then amazing.

Firstly, Viren is going to get what he wants. He'll find Ethari, whose tree burned down :(. He'll show him the coins, and he'll offer a trade. Build what he wants and make it work, and Ethari can have his family back, uncoined and free.

And Ethari will say yes.

He'll say yes no matter what anyone else tries to persuade him to do, and I hope they do try, because see: Ethari has to make it look good. He has to make it look like he's all in on Viren's plan, to Viren. Even if that means turning his back on his people in their time of greatest need.

Secondly, the Moonshadow elves are going to be collectively homeless and bereft, hungry, injured, terrified, angry. They will have nowhere to go. They will be a people without a home. And no one else in Xadia will help them. Maybe they're too terrified to hide Ethari's people in case doing so brings Viren down on them, too. We've seen how ordinary elves flee in terror from dark magic. Maybe they're all fighting other issues, too. Viren knows all about stretching resources too far during times of crisis. Whatever the case, there will be no welcome anywhere in Xadia for the Moonshadow elves of the Moonshadow Forest.

But here's where it gets amazing. Because one hand will reach out. One small hand, from across the border. Good King Ezran will stand up on the seat of his throne and say, "You can stay here. I have forests. You're tired, you're hungry. You need medicine. Let me help."

And I'm gonna cry like a little baby.

How many cycles does this break, how many circles does it complete? Moonshadow elves used to live in Katolis before the border was created. When humans were under threat of total annihilation, the Moonshadow leader's daughter spoke up and asked for mercy. That mercy came in the form of land reassignment, and the Moonshadow elves had to give up their ancestral home, their Nexus, and travel east across the new Border. But that mercy got paired with justice, and the life-loving Moon Druids probably had to swear some kind of blood promise to keep an eye on the humans forevermore, and to kill any individuals who got out of hand, as if their sins were the Moonshadows' responsibility now.

That's got to breed a little resentment, a little superiority. "Look what we sacrificed for you, and this is how you act. Ungrateful." And maybe that was partially Luna Tenebris's goal: to hold to her vision of justice, she had to make the elves who shared her arcanum feel a little resentment. Moonshadows love life, but we can't have them being too soft to keep Xadia safe from dark mages, now, can we? I will never stop cackling over dragon politics okay, never

But the Moonshadow elves never figured on King Ezran. A soft boy who refused to let his father's assassination harden his heart, because every life is genuinely important to him. I've seen headcanons for Ezran getting the Sun, Earth, Ocean, and Stars arcanum. How about Moon, too? Because this is very Ethari of him, and if these stories of Viren's plan and the Moonshadow elves' displacement were actually to happen in tandem, the contrast between Ezran's soft choice and Ethari's hard one would be mindblowing.

Ezran completes the circle by inviting the Moonshadow elves to return to Katolis, to their ancestral home. They left long ago, paying the price for an act of mercy, but they were welcomed back by the mercy of humans, repaid after a thousand years, repaid in the face of tragedy. Tragedy on all sides. Tragedy Ezran wants to stop from happening, by being brave and caring and soft, and by being the first to break this thousand-year cycle between Katolis and the Moonshadow elves.

Rayla is his friend. And these are her people. It won't matter what they've done, only that they need help in a time of great desperation. And of course he'll help them. He's Ezran, and he's Katolis's greatest treasure.

Oh, what's that you say? Inviting the Moonshadow elves to settle in Katolis again would make it easier for Rayla to live with Callum in the future? Oh gosh, how about that? What a deal. *smug matchmaker noises*

And once the Moonshadow elves understand that they're safe and begin to trust Ezran--which could happen very quickly, because saving a Moonshadow elf's life when you didn't need to is a really fast way to prove you're trustworthy--maybe Ezran will be encouraged to take the next step toward peace, and eventually other elves and dragons will come to meet together to talk it over. And Ez will offer them jelly tarts, which they will love.

Back to Ethari, because we're not done with him yet. Ethari is soft, but he isn't weak. He won't be a willing pawn for Viren. He loves Runaan to the point of invention, and his devotion is more constant than the moon itself. He'll agree to do what Viren says, and he'll be Very Sad. But his spirit is in no way broken. Viren bribing him with the coins containing his family will only have the opposite effect. It'll give Ethari something to fight for.

We could get Focused Chaos Ethari. We could get Angery Trickster Ethari. We could get Rules, What Rules? Ethari. Let him try to steal the coins, try to break them, try to kill Viren, and be stymied at every turn, until he settles and seems cowed. And then all he does is craft his way out of the problem. What if we are gifted with Iron Man Ethari, who pretends to build a fake Key for Viren, but meanwhile he's really building a coinbuster with whatever he can get his hands on - primal stones, magically imbued gemstones, stolen artifacts, his own arcanum, his own reputation as the Master Craftsman of the Silvergrove. He'll use almost- almost - anything, to stop Viren and free his family.

Ethari may have to choose between those two things, though. And he's a hero, deep down, just like his family, just like his daughter. If he has to choose, he'll choose to stop Viren and save Xadia. He'll pay the same price as his family has if he must.

He'd let Viren think he was motivated purely by wanting his family back, but Ethari is far too steeped in the illusion and sacrifice for that to be all there is to his motives. It's a so-close-and-yet-so-far thing, how he and Viren almost embody the same ideals. Almost. Ethari would take one look at Viren, who just burnt down his whole Forest, he'd see the biggest threat in Xadia, and he'd say anything to get a chance to stop this juggernaut of destruction from getting his hands on whatever that ultimate power really is, locked behind that missing key. If he has to abandon his people and bawl his eyes out to convince Viren he's in, then he will.

And Viren wouldn't make it easy for him. He knows clever when he sees it. He went through all this trouble to persuade Ethari to work with him. He would need to keep Ethari as off-balance as possible to ensure that he keeps working as he should.

Angsty jewelry, anyone: Viren giving Ethari his husband in pendant form to remind him what he's working for, when Viren and Ethari both know full well that only dark magic can open the hellcoins. Ethari wearing another pendant of his love, except it's not a metaphor this time. It's literally his love, in a coin around his neck.

Viren would know that Ethari would have to stay close to Viren of his own free will if he ever hoped to free Runaan. And making people bind themselves to you is a big power flex. Remember that TDP stream future-season teaser note about Bait being in a creepy restraint in a future season?

This card is written on in all-caps, so that really could be "Bait" or "bait," or--knowing this show--both. Viren's been using Runaan as bait for Ethari all along. Putting his coin in a dark magic pendant casing for Ethari to wear would be a great parallel for that. Oh god. Oh man.

Maybe he'll stab the coin's scary casing right through that circle on Ethari's chest, right over his heart, make that Iron Man reference really obvious. Ethari also losing his shirt at some point, for angsty Viren-related reasons? It's more likely than you think. I mean... Ethari is literally involved in both forms of forging at this point. Shirt's gotta come off for uhhhh work reasons. And because he's hot. Because of all the forging. I mean how else are we finally going to discover what his markings look like

I mentioned that I liked god-tier villains, right? Yeah, this is amazing. I haven't wanted to die and ascend over an idea for quite a while, but Ethari vs Viren in a drawn-out battle of wills would kill me in the best way. Especially since, while it looks like they're essentially fighting for who gets Runaan, they're truly fighting a much larger battle with much higher stakes. They're fighting for the future itself. It's an epic struggle between the Narrative of Strength and the Narrative of Love. And we've seen what happens, over and over, when the Narrative of Strength gets to call the shots.

On a meta note: If Runaan and Ethari's story arc isn't a love letter from one trauma survivor to another, and on a broader scope to all survivors who see it, I don't know what is. Sometimes life just chews us up and spits us out and we can't stop it and it breaks us. But sometimes we can reach out and grasp the chance to help each other, even after that, even when it hurts a lot, because we know what it means to be loved, and to love, and to want a safer future for each other and for people we'll never meet. The future is worth standing together for, helping each other back up for, fighting side by side for, even if you can't see how it'll end, or even how to begin. We are stronger together, and sometimes we need to fight for our "together" before we can fight for anything else. And that's worth it, every time.

This is glorious, it's beautiful, it's tragic, it's amazing, it makes me want to dance, it makes me want to scream into the void, it makes me want to slap someone with a semi truck. No, someone specific, don't worry, and he super deserves it.

Because Ethari is going to win. He was always going to win. He's soft, and he's clever, and he hasn't forgotten what love means. It's what he's fighting for. Not power, not control. Love. He doesn't want to dictate Runaan's future, or anyone else's. He just wants his husband--and everyone else--to have one at all.

So he's going to win.

What beating Viren looks like, I can't guess yet. TDP is no stranger to angst, so there will probably be a high cost involved in thwarting the dark mage. Maybe not everyone can be rescued from the coins. Maybe Ethari will lose his life, or his soul, or his vision, or something else really angsty. Viren could even kill him and resurrect him as a smoky craftsman, or a zombie craftsman, or something equally biddable but horrible. The only thing I'm sure of is that Ethari would never willingly make a working Key of Aaravos Ethari as long as there's a chance Viren could possess it. But I do believe that if he gets the right opportunity while he's busy saving the world from Viren's dark intentions, he'll break his husband's hellcoin open somehow and set him free, even if he has to smile at the devil to do it.

part 4

#tdp #tdp theory #tdp speculation #tdp parallels #viren #ethari #laindrin #runaan #moonshadow elves #moonshadow assassins #hopepunk #tdp angst #heavy angst #tw trauma

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Libi & Bobby

Libi: When are you two going to 🎩👞🤵? Bobby: 📌📅 1 week exactly Libi: Are you going to go for the matching look or just complementary 🤔 that's the real question Bobby: 🤞 he don't want a throwback to my mini me days Bobby: cross everything Libi: But you were so cute! 😚 Libi: I doubt he's going to make you dress like anything, when the chances of getting Cass into a bridesmaid dress are less than none Bobby: cute's alright for 👶s and 🐶s Bobby: a cardboard cut out could work for both of us, me lil and Cass 👗👠 Libi: There's plenty of the former, not sure the registry office would be happy about a procession of pooches though Libi: 1. Where are you planning to be? 2. And who are you trying to impress when you get there? Spill Bobby: 🐶💍? 🤔 Bobby: probably not gonna dress you in a 👗 puffy enough for me to hide behind, are they? 💔 Libi: Sadly, I don't think we can convince them hearing-ear dogs are a thing Libi: though, maybe it is worth a 🎯 Libi: Let's 👀 into it Libi: You'll be great though, he wouldn't have picked you if he didn't know you could handle it Bobby: you could convince anyone of anything, including as a massive hint, that there's no need for me to make a speech Bobby: or hold onto valuable 💍 Libi: You make me sound like some kind of evil mastermind, flattering or worrying? Libi: I don't think there's going to be any meringue dresses or big 😭/😂 speeches Libi: and you've met my grandma, and my granddad, for that matter Libi: if there's any 💬 to be had, they'll almost certainly take charge Libi: If you wanted to say something about Jimmy though, we could work on it together and I could do it for you on the day, I don't mind, of course Bobby: less 😈 more like 😎💭😏👏 Bobby: you sure you're not gonna have your hands full filming it? Bobby: bit rude to give you a full plate unless it's got wedding cake on it Libi: I'll take that, thank you 🙇🌹 Libi: I can manage, I don't think I'm going to have many, if any, stereotypical bridesmaid duties Libi: though, we COULD record it beforehand and give it to him as a present Libi: as he's just as likely to be 😳 receiving a speech as you are giving one Bobby: 🎬🌹 Bobby: if it means I can have more than the one go at it, I'll take the closeup Bobby: risk of 😳 and all Libi: You can trust me Libi: Going to threaten to make Cass too 🤪 Libi: he'll 💘 it, I'm sure Libi: what I'm less sure of is if I should put together the 📼 I have 🔮💭 for Janis Bobby: her accent's well strong again he'll love that throwback if nowt else 😉 Bobby: I do trust you and in all your ideas Bobby: 😎💭😏👏 like I just said Bobby: never put a foot wrong, you, Libs Libi: 😅 Libi: It'll be nice to have her back, not that I'll 💬 that to her face Libi: more 😒 than 😳 probably Libi: I try 🩰 Bobby: the dancing! 😳 deffo Bobby: I'll be putting that out of my head now Libi: Okay, there might be SOME dancing Libi: I 🤞 not to film that bit, even for laughs Bobby: only from the neck up, or we're gonna fall out Libi: Never! Bobby: hang on, unless I'm looking at where my feet are going, then don't Libi: Your concentration face IS very endearing Bobby: 😕 or 🤔? Libi: A solid mix of 🤔😋 Libi: we might furrow our brow if we're being VERY serious and having VERY big thoughts, of course 😉 Bobby: 👅 brings us back to cute like a 🐶 a bit Bobby: tell me YOUR big 💭 then, go on Libi: Don't be disrespecting 🐶s even if you want to decline the parallel, sir Libi: WELL Libi: you know my parents made lots of 📹 of their own Libi: and they had their own wedding, and I was bridesmaid then and my mum talked about if I ever had a wedding, and about Junior, Billie, Grace and Janis, their weddings they might have...I thought I could splice bits of her footage and audio with what I get on the day for Janis Libi: but, be honest, does that sound too depressing for words or? Libi: or like I'm making it all about ME and MY mum...I'm conflicted Bobby: I think it's a great idea, Cass would love it if she could have our mum there if she ever gets married, any bit of her Bobby: and that'll be like she's there Bobby: instead of everyone just 👀 an empty chair Libi: I'm glad you think so Libi: I'll probably run it by everyone else first but I can't really spoil the surprise for her beforehand Libi: I know I'd like it too, I think she will Bobby: even if it's a bit sad, it should be sad that your mum is missing it Bobby: and she'll get why you're doing it Libi: It's so strange Libi: seeing that I knew her Bobby: if you need a hand going through the footage, I'll put my concentration face on Bobby: I know there's loads Libi: Thanks 😌 Libi: I'll take you up on that Libi: luckily there is somewhat of a system but there's still a lot to go through, I don't want to miss anything Bobby: 📌📅 tomorrow? Libi: If that works for you Libi: that'd be 👍 Bobby: I'll wake you up 🍳🥓☕️ or the smoke alarm will Libi: 😂 Libi: If nothing, we'll have the ☕☕ Bobby: and I can work a 📱 whatever you wanna order Libi: Very impressive, Bobs Libi: could make you my 2nd unit DoP Bobby: 🙇🌹 Libi: Oh dear Libi: Venus is messaging me Libi: A lot Bobby: 😬 Libi: I think she thinks she's a bridesmaid too Bobby: but she knows how they're planning to do this Libi: Maybe she doesn't? But I'M pretty sure she's not Libi: this is awkward Bobby: you're busy, I'M keeping you busy Libi: She's 8, I can't be rude Libi: Why does she have her own account though 🤔 Bobby: she's 8, loads of other people are about to deal with her ❓❗ Bobby: you don't have to be the one who 💔👸🏽 Libi: 😬 AHH Bobby: put your 👟 on and leave your 📱 behind Bobby: that's my bright idea Libi: Where are we going 📌📅 today? Bobby: we'll let the 🐶s choose Libi: Okay Libi: but I need to bring the 📱 Bobby: I'll give it you back in case of an 🚨 Libi: 😖 Okay Libi: I'll let the adults deal with it before she finds out the 💳 she probably has too Libi: you're right Bobby: I'm saving you from an if where she gets it into her head that YOU'RE saying she can't be a bridesmaid Bobby: 'cause I can 👀 it happening Libi: That would not be good Libi: it's not like a thing thing, I'm only bridesmaid in name, really Libi: and Janis won't care if she wants to wear a massive dress Libi: it's fine Bobby: I can hide behind her when she does, problem solved Libi: We're both happy Libi: though you might have to duck a 🤏 Bobby: 🤞 I don't get taller beforehand Libi: How high do you think her 👠s will be? Libi: more fashionable than me already, that's for sure 😅 Bobby: high as 🌃 Bobby: but you'll be doing too much dancing to bother with any of that Bobby: 👣 Libi: Someone has to make sure you keep planted firmly on yours Bobby: or your video'll end up going viral for everyone to 😂🤣 at me and my moves Libi: Obviously, that's tempting 😉 Libi: but I did 🤞 so I'll stick to it Bobby: and I said you weren't 😈 which I wanna stick to Libi: Ideally, me too Bobby: 🤝 Libi: Just trying to get Killer's harness on 🙄 Libi: I'll be ten years 👌 Bobby: she don't wanna go, she'd just eat Venus instead Libi: Not before dinner ❌ Bobby: let's get 🍕 delivered to wherever we end up 🌳🥅🌼 Libi: Only if we can get ALL the dips Bobby: obviously Bobby: not gonna eat my crusts otherwise and Killer can't have every one of them Libi: No matter how hard she 🥺🥺 Bobby: I'll pretend I don't see her Libi: Good luck Bobby: not a patch on your 🥺 Libi: Well, don't take more than your fair share and I won't have to employ them 😋 Bobby: long as you give me my fair share, I won't have to take it Bobby: bigger half remains the going rate Libi: 😱 I was about to say Libi: how dare you suggest I take more when that's clearly you Libi: you didn't want to grow, remember Bobby: still time to convince someone a bit older into a dress like a meringue if you're not gonna hide me Libi: Grace might Libi: you could try her Bobby: 👌 Libi: OR even more thrilling, you could help me look for dresses over 🍕 Bobby: okay Bobby: one I really mean this time Libi: I really don't have a clue what to go for Libi: at least you know where you are with a suit Libi: or if she were that kind of bride and I just got told Bobby: you allowed to do whatever you want? Libi: Yup...It's a little daunting, actually Libi: maybe we should let Venus organize it Bobby: might be even more daunting if you did Bobby: we'll figure it out Libi: Us all in baby pink marshmallow gowns Libi: 🤐 okay, I'll take that back Bobby: 💐🎀👑🩰🧁✨ Libi: Cute for her and the twins Libi: I'll literally look like a 🐖 Bobby: whatever animal you wanna look like, we'll aim for that Bobby: but I'd have said 🦑 Libi: 😂 How is that any better? Bobby: camouflage is a skill they have, that benefits me Bobby: plus you have more legs to juggle 📹🌹🥂🍰💃 Libi: Good, solid arguments Libi: I'm convinced Bobby: didn't even bring up that you can shoot ink at predators Libi: I don't think that's a ➕ Libi: around all the 👗s Bobby: might be if there's a family argument Libi: 🤫 Libi: There won't be! Libi: 🥛 half full Bobby: Cass is coming but alright Bobby: 🤞 Libi: Yeah but Libi: no need for squid ink Bobby: 😇 Libi: You? Libi: 🤔 Bobby: everyone Bobby: on their best behaviour Libi: I won't be enforcing it Libi: not ☔️💃 Bobby: you'll be the mirrorball ✨💃 Libi: Only if you're dancing 😊 Bobby: only with you, not Venus Libi: We'll find ways to keep you looking busy if she 👀 Bobby: I'll hold your 📹🌹🥂🍰💃 as you're not going for a 🦑👗 Libi: All the arms would be useful in general Libi: Think how many 🐶s I could walk Bobby: but think how many 👶s you'd have to hold Libi: That is 75% of the guestlist Bobby: 🤞 she's not pregnant now Bobby: that's why loads of people get married Libi: They've been together forever Libi: I don't think it's that Bobby: me either Libi: Such a 🃏 Libi: if you want that family feud, just ask her if she is, I'm SURE she'll oblige 😏 Bobby: I don't have a death wish, Libs Bobby: or want a family 🥊 Libi: Good call Libi: all I want is 🍕 now and we're finally out the door Bobby: I wanna to find you a 👗 before Venus does but I do need 🍕 for that Libi: 💪 building is a must, of course Bobby: what's Astrid gonna wear? Bobby: be ideas there 🦚🦜🦋🐛 Libi: I'll ask her Libi: don't know if she starts her creative process early on or inspiration just comes to her Bobby: 👍 Libi: It'll be amazing, regardless Bobby: couldn't even deny that as 🃏 Bobby: I'll look so boring in my 🤵 next to you 2 Libi: Well I could never pull off half the 🦚🦜🦋🐛 she does Libi: and you won't look boring! You'll look handsome, and not at all like a mini-me now Bobby: you can pull off anything Bobby: and used to when you were lil Libi: I don't want to look lil now Libi: she looks cool, I wouldn't Bobby: you'll look and feel top of the world Bobby: the search is on Libi: You're the best Bobby: you Libi: 😊😌 Libi: Maybe I could wait to see your suits Libi: colour match? Bobby: we haven't done that for ages Libi: Does it make me a bit too Libi: Venus? Bobby: not if we don't choose pink Bobby: or gold Libi: An all-gold tuxe, stunning 😅 Libi: I'm fine with those stipulations Bobby: I'm not pulling off anything like that Bobby: but matching is like a proper wedding thing Bobby: you won't look lil Libi: Right, even if they aren't the types to insist, I don't think it'd make them mad either Libi: it'll give us some focus Libi: too many options Bobby: and an excuse to stay together Bobby: soz everyone who won't get to dance with me but Libi: We ARE the wedding party, however unofficial Libi: practically our jobs Bobby: there you go, it's come together Libi: Thank goodness for you Libi: I'd probably still be freaking out being NO help or fun right now if I didn't have you Bobby: you came with me to that bollocks school 💃🕺 with my whole year there this'll be loads better than that Bobby: nowt to worry about Libi: That was spectacularly lame Libi: but we made the best of it still Bobby: yep and we didn't need to get drunk how loads of them did Libi: Be a sorry state of affairs if we forgot how to have fun together without it Bobby: be some sort of head injury Libi: Not matching 🤕 🤕 Bobby: 😵😵 Libi: It is a family function Libi: possibly Bobby: you said no 🥊 Libi: I was thinking about all the 🥂s Bobby: 😲 you're thinking about getting me drunk! Libi: Don't say it like that! Libi: I just meant everyone else WILL be and we can have some Bobby: we should do it Bobby: you're right about the obvious opportunity Libi: Just to get more used to it Libi: so when we go to more 💃🕺 outside of school, we won't look lil either Bobby: yeah Bobby: we won't be 😳 Libi: I don't wanna get drunk Libi: just not recoil when I taste it Libi: 🤝? Bobby: tell me if the room's spinning when you've stopped 💃and I'll cut you off 🤝 Libi: It's a plan Libi: if your eyes go all 😵🥴 I'll take your bottle away too Bobby: long as you're making eye contact, that'll work Libi: My 👀s will do their best to keep up with yours, of course Bobby: 💃🕺 Bobby: can you 👀 me now? Libi: 👋 Libi: [and then 👋 IRL as you run up] Bobby: [hug her and probably have to disentangle the dog leads like your own rom com moment] Libi: [at least these old lady dogs won't be going as crazy god bless them, say now that obviously we sign everything for him as we speak 'cos duh, 'this is good practice for dancing' as you do the thing where you have to go under a lead and around] Bobby: [likewise just know that I'm obvs purely signing everything cos we don't speak but I'll still write it like speech cos it is 'in that case, nothing to worry about' touches his face like is there a 😳 and shakes his head like nope] Libi: ['I told you' and a big smile and checking our own face but like seriously hoping we're not blushing because he cute] Bobby: [an even bigger smile back because she's cute and we're glad she's not stressed any more] Libi: [giving Twix some love and treats as we head off 'Is Cass bringing anybody?'] Bobby: ['if she's going out with anyone, bringing them to a family wedding isn't gonna happen' cos true even though it's a scaled down family function] Libi: [nods like yeah, true 'I liked her last boyfriend, shame we can't invite him' 'cos what happened did you just decide to go back North or what] Bobby: [a look on his face like did you like him or did you LIKE him because we're jealous and you know it but we're doing the JJ move of acting like it's pure bants of course] Libi: [slapping at his arm like excuse you! but we're 😳 so it looks like you LIKED him even though obviously not you're just embarrassed to even be talking about this with him like we know why 'As if! He was just nice, and Cass had more fun when he was around'] Bobby: [a look like mhmmmm sure because we do think you like him now gal] Libi: ['that would be so inappropriate, ew' emphasizing the EW dramatically like stop it] Bobby: [a look like true you'd never do anything like that because we know her inside out and that she's never trying to rock the boat like that which is also a little bit true of him tbh cos Cass is the explosive one so we have to be the chill one to make Jimothy's life easier] Libi: [sigh like thank you and telling him about some girl in her year who's got a teacher crush 'I swear she thinks it's going to happen' and shaking her head like honestly] Bobby: [telling her about someone in his year who does too because it's always a thing and doing an even more dramatic ew than she did] Libi: [🙄 'Sometimes I think we're the only normal people around' and pulling a 🤪 face] Bobby: ['we deffo are' and obvs doing his own silly face back before putting his arm around her like that's why we gotta stick together forever thank you] Libi: [feelsy lean 'at least we don't have to worry about any of that, dates, and stuff'] Bobby: [an OTT dramatic sigh like yeah thank god that we actually do mean 'there's nobody at school I would take if I had a gun to my head' full offense to everybody lol] Libi: [can't help but smile, 'I don't think we're old enough to qualify for plus ones anyway' but nudges him conspiratorily 'no one, REALLY?'] Bobby: ['is there someone you would?' because that's how that sounds to us now, even though we clearly don't wanna get back onto talking about who she fancies] Libi: [shakes our head 'the boys are worse than the girls'] Bobby: [the amount of relief he'd have to hide is making me lol 'you sure you wanna go to more parties? drunk they'll be even worse'] Libi: [shrugs 'cos not really but we're growing up honey 'don't wanna miss out, do we?'] Bobby: [rallies because we don't wanna her to miss out because of us so we do an emphatic head shake like NO and we're on socials looking for any parties coming up because realistically there are probably some coming up always like why wait until after the wedding] Libi: [just peeping over his shoulder] Bobby: [let's say Asia's sister is having one after the suit shopping next weekend so he's like !? because do we want this to be our trial run lol] Libi: [a face like OH GOD 'cos we know she's the worst 'We don't have to'] Bobby: ['not much to lose, she already hates us and we know it won't be fun unless we make it' a shrug like it's so casual and we're not at all ! waiting for what she'll say] Libi: [just studying his face trying to work out what he wants without asking of course 'Could be funny, if not fun' 'cos we know she's tragic we don't need to be nice about her she's not family] Bobby: [likewise studying hers and her tone/body language like do you actually wanna do this or not 'we can just dance away if it's not' trying to reassure ourselves here as much as her which would be obvious] Libi: [does another twirl like yeah we can] Bobby: [control your 😍 please boy and do a IRL 🤝] Libi: [just keeping holding his hand as you walk these dogs] Bobby: [love that for you] Libi: [realising you need them for talking though so you literally only can when you're being quiet, which is quite cute] Bobby: [we stan a comfortable silence in this house and also please take lots of pics like you did when you were bubs around JJ's influence thank you] Libi: [of course, I'm going to try to be more artsy with it to bring in your parents influence too but obviously selfies are a must regardless] Bobby: [it do be why people think you're dating because his entire socials are literally gonna just be selfies of you two but I'm not soz] Libi: [people aren't just being straight and weird about it, people who actually know y'all] Bobby: [god bless] Libi: ['be good to see Jay again' also unrelated but not, I think this wedding should be around xmas time 'cos when they met okay] Bobby: ['it has been ages' because realistically probably has been because she'd only come back for big fam functions really because we're not grown yet and as we know Buster's bday is right by Matty's so she probably didn't do that in october so god knows when she was last here tbh] Libi: [ages in as much as she doesn't live here so deffo 'at least she won't know what to wear either' sounds like a drag, she's just not that girly as a kid we know] Bobby: [yeah and she's literally Bobby's age so you feel awkward at formal occasions then unless you're girly af and go in 'maybe she should go suit shopping too' again not a drag or pisstake] Libi: [nudging him 'you gonna ask her?' when you're pretending it's #bants but we're alerted lmao] Bobby: ['I think Jim wants it to just be us' because no offense Jay but he probably does want that bonding moment, factor in that when he's using his name he's using a feelsy sign for it like we know he has and that's true of everyone's name when we're talking IRL] Libi: [smiles like of course, jk jk, because you love how close they are] Bobby: ['Ava'll help her if she needs it' cos she always dresses amazingly and still would lbr] Libi: [nods because we are not worried about it 'she always manages to look cool too'] Bobby: [nudging her because we see you comparing yourself again gal and we think you're the coolest] Libi: [face like ugh soz 'cos can't help it but not trying to be that bitch though] Bobby: [drags her along like come on we're gonna run until your brain switches off which the dogs will love too] Libi: [run babies run] Bobby: [then dramatically flop onto the grass with her like breathless but 😁 in a very cinematic manner] Libi: [likewise because we do feel better for it 'how do you always know what will work?'] Bobby: ['years of practice?' not really a question because they've known each other forever so that is true] Libi: ['You deserve a raise' 'or a medal' and mimes putting one on him Bobby: [mimes breaking it and giving her half 'unlike the pizza, I'll let you have the bigger bit'] Libi: ['so kind' 😏 gets her phone out like speaking of 'usual?' 'cos of course we know these things about each other] Bobby: [nods and gets the dogs to bark that they also agree] Libi: [laughs 'none for them, remember'] Bobby: [looks away from the dogs like soz 'I promise' but 🤞 playfully where she still see it instead of behind his back like we might break that lol] Libi: ['soft touch' but we're clearly not mad] Bobby: [😲 but we're not offended] Libi: ['It's what we love about you' who's we like okay] Bobby: ['you won't be saying that when I put my foot down about taking your bottle away' I doubt she's gonna be an angry drunk and try and stop you that hard but okay, daddy energy of that statement excuse us] Libi: [😲 back at him 'I'm not that much of a brat, thank you!' but folds her arms and pouts like a kid for dramatic effect 'besides, if I say anything it'll be thanks for not letting me make a fool of myself'] Bobby: ['I'd never let that happen' sincere af because we wouldn't 'especially not at a party of China's' since she really do be the worst, doing a 📷 mime because it'd be all over socials] Libi: [shudders like oh god and is 😒 'make a change from her feed being full of her embarrassing behaviour but no thanks'] Bobby: [gets his phone and gestures her closer so they can watch her story together because honestly imagine we're 14 going on 24 now] Libi: [big yikes, big lols, also what was the other ones name/could we put her in Libi's year for double the amusement/potential] Bobby: [we did say she was the youngest one and the other one called America was like a bit younger than Cass but no reason we can't change that if we want to because we've only said it out of character so] Libi: [Like it doesn't truly matter I know but she was friends with a girl that looks like she could be Asia's sister, so maybe if America is in our year she could not suck as hard] Bobby: [I'm down for that, why not if you have stuff you can use] Libi: [Asia's mum could've got a new man for these two, who also peaced, a moment] Bobby: [that's very much a mood] Libi: [just thinking who's another bitchy but kinda goofy blonde hmm] Libi: [okay China=Imogen Poots America=Lia Marie Johnson] Bobby: [a good shout and it makes sense that you're bitchy gal because you're prettiest and clearly also smarter than Asia was so you're clearly your mum's fave and popular at school with your squad] Libi: [golden child, how nice for you madam] Bobby: [and I imagine her hating that her sister is friends with them on any level so that's some fun drama] Libi: [yeah, always good to have that fun level of not too deep going on] Bobby: [yeah we won't be going hard with it but there's things we can do through the years, though please don't also go to Trinity gal I'll die] Libi: [we won't let you, gotta have limits lol] Bobby: [anyway enjoy lightly mocking her socials kids because she thinks she's such hot shit] Libi: ['I bet she wears heels to her own house party'] Bobby: [showing her a picture of whatever she wore the last time she had one when they obvs didn't go like yep there they are] Libi: [when we're shooketh 'cos we're pretty casual at all times 'but she's at HER HOUSE' like we do not understand lmao] Bobby: ['her mum probably keeps her drinks in the top cupboard' we're obviously joking here because it's obvious her mum isn't the lock up her booze sort but she's adorable so we have to joke to distract us] Libi: [little lols 'should let me throw a party' because literally live with Fearghal, everyone would lose their shit lmao but we ain't gonna hens] Bobby: [does the walking fingers across her knee or wherever like baby steps gal because we've only just said about going to parties never mind throwing them 'you should leave her off the guest list' we don't like honey and we never will] Libi: [acting like it tickled so much to hide the 😳 we'd have, when we've collected ourselves/the dogs have stopped jumping all over us too 'she wasn't top of the list' and does a shh don't tell] Bobby: [lists off who the guest list would be but in a silly way like Venus, Cass' ex etc etc] Libi: [tutting any time it's a family member like shh but we're amused, and adding our own additions of unfavourable party guests] Bobby: [just getting sillier and sillier about it until we run out] Libi: ['I'd much sooner someone else's parent's house got trashed, like' and shrugs like not sorry] Bobby: [we're nodding because we clearly often hang out at mcvickers and like it there 'and that someone else got in trouble' because we see you gal always] Libi: ['is getting in trouble mandatory for parties?' like we're taking the piss but also like, why does there need to be any drama lol] Bobby: ['if anyone could change the way parties go, it's you' because everyone at school be throwing parties the same exact way, getting trashed and trashing the place but we know Libi could do it better] Libi: ['I'll add it to my to-do list' and doing a little ✔ in the air 'what would your best party be like?'] Bobby: [shamelessly gonna say he describes either one of his birthdays or hers when they were younger and in the peak of their bubby love] Libi: [you would've had some great birthdays lads, we're so happy and reminiscing] Bobby: [enjoy just reliving all those mems and then you can look a pics and stuff of you two on your phone instead of that bitch] Libi: [posting some throwbacks and talking more about your video ideas and stuff as it is related] Bobby: [love that and I also love thinking about how many times they would've watched the wedding video when they were bubs and wanted to get married] Libi: [RIP, so sweet and extra, also how shooketh Tess would've been by you makes me lol] Bobby: [one day you will get married, I hope Tess is still alive to see it] Libi: [my boo says hold on bitch lmao] Bobby: [looking down from heaven like] Libi: [aww, also go on the swings please whilst waiting for your pizza delivery] Bobby: [you gotta, soz dogs you amuse yourselves for a sec please] Libi: [we can throw a ball for you gals but you old so you might enjoy the rest too lol] Bobby: [have a little snooze huns we gotta push our bae on the swings for a bit before we get on because that's gentlemanly behaviour] Libi: [see how high you can get hun, some kids should come along and want a go, like little kids, so we're shamed like oh, I was acting like a baby, although Bobby was also swinging and we were having a nice time, such a difficult age] Bobby: [that's so real and also really hurt my heart so much excuse me being a hormonal bitch over here, play with the dogs guys, we gotta cheer the bae] Libi: [soz gal the insecurity be popping out] Bobby: [when you realise you didn't ask her what her ideal party would be like so you do] Libi: [describe what is essentially your dream wedding moment but leave out the wedding part 'cos that bitch] Bobby: [I'm FINE meanwhile Bobby be like 'alright now I wanna change my answer to that' because perfect sounding] Libi: [😁 'you're invited, of course'] Bobby: [hug her because she's adorable and you can hide your 😍 whilst still showing that we're buzzing] Libi: [you're so cute guys it's rude, lord knows this delivery better show up so you have to break up to eat] Bobby: [my boo says eat your pizza, I bet they have such a cute order like they probably make their own little weird thing, oh I love you two] Libi: [deffo one weird thing that NO ONE else would want ever but you two do] Bobby: [that's such a vibe and I feel like they'd have a million little things like that which other people think are weird (again not in a Ro way) when he gets with Cammie's mum she's gonna be like um no I won't be eating that] Libi: [just missing all those little things honey, a vibe] Bobby: [for now live for your best lives because we're evil and gonna put you through it] Libi: [we're so rude] Bobby: [I was thinking that the party should go badly for whatever reason so then they're even more determined at the wedding and they can get drunk which will be useful for us] Libi: [easily done, so many reasons not to be living] Bobby: [yeah exactly my thought, like you only need to feel slightly awkward/ like you're not keeping up and that'll lead on nicely] Libi: [if you like we can skip to getting ready for that party and do it in this convo, it's not long] Bobby: [why not, I said it was after the suit shopping so imagine all the cute pics he would've sent her] Libi: [Okay, so later on] Libi: Have you guys made a decision? 😄 Bobby: I think so 👍 Libi: Did you send me a 📸 or is it a total surprise? Bobby: I've held back on the 📸s of 🥇🥈🥉 Bobby: do you wanna 👀 the runners up or just skip to the winner I've saved to show you in person? 🤔 Libi: 🤔🤔 Libi: No, save it for in person Bobby: you sure? Libi: Yes, we're meeting up before this party, right? Bobby: yeah, it'll be ages before we can go there Bobby: getting there too early 🤓 Libi: Exactly Libi: even I know that Libi: and pre-drinks are a thing too, so I've heard Bobby: are you inviting the others for them? Libi: I hadn't really thought about it Libi: do you think they'll behave? Bobby: some of them might Libi: We could do then Libi: we won't be able to have hard stuff, just beers and that kind of thing Bobby: we probably shouldn't go too hard before the party, knowing how they end Libi: I'll invite them then 👍 Libi: tell them to save their bottles for the party too Bobby: don't tell them I said to be 🐢🐌 Bobby: not very 😎 Libi: It's me who wants it Libi: but it's okay, nans home so I can blame her 😬 Bobby: it's me too Bobby: I don't wanna fall over before I've had chance to 💃🕺 Libi: Of course I can count on you to understand Libi: what's the point of showing up somewhere to socialize and being incapable of it because you're wasted? Libi: I see the merit in being a little buzzed but Libi: it sounds 🤓 when it's just logical Bobby: no merits to 🥴🤢🤮 Bobby: she'll have a lovely bathroom but I don't wanna spend the whole party on the floor of it Libi: I have 0 plans to go that far anyway Libi: surely that's more embarrassing than being naive about it Libi: anyway, I'd never be let out again if I did so ❌ Bobby: and I don't wanna go out and about without you so ❌ Libi: I wouldn't be allowed if you weren't there Libi: I think it helps, that we know who the family is too, even if they have no idea what a nightmare China really is, at least she's not some 😱😱 stranger who's running some kind of kiddy crack den or whatever goes through parental 🧠s Bobby: we've gone from cute 🐶 to guard 🐶 Bobby: is that progress? 💪😎 Libi: 🙄😏 No pressure, or anything Libi: obviously, I'm perfectly capable but Libi: always the but Bobby: challenge accepted, even though it isn't one to keep you out of trouble Libi: You're welcome for the easy life then 😉 Bobby: if you could just dress me like Jim did earlier then it really would be Libi: Okay but seriously Libi: what do we wear Libi: not that the dress code is going to be the same for us but Bobby: I'm not wearing 👠 that's cuter when you're lil 🤴👸 Libi: you've had the growth spurt, you don't need to Libi: another plus to inviting the others Libi: take a vote so my whole wardrobe doesn't end up on the floor Bobby: if you're thinking about taking it to a vote you're overthinking it Libi: 😰😰 Bobby: just choose something that don't make you feel 😳😳 if China's going to say something she will whatever it is Libi: If it were that easy Libi: She's so Libi: ugh Bobby: why can't it be? Bobby: I could close my 👀 and grab something that you'd end up looking great in Libi: Maybe all my clothes are awful and I've only just realized tonight Libi: so inconvenient 😂 Bobby: come on, Libs Bobby: I know you trust me not to let you walk around looking 😳 Libi: I know Libi: I'm just freaking out for no reason Libi: she always thinks she looks better than everyone, like you said, what I wear doesn't matter Bobby: not no reason, just a bollocks one Bobby: if you wanna swap wardrobes, we haven't done that for ages either but I'm in Libi: Considering how #shamed I'll be if I don't opt for 👠👗 Libi: save that for another day Bobby: you're dressing for 💃🕺 with me not auditioning for her Bobby: any day Libi: dancing in 👠s sounds more dangerous than 🍾 Libi: noted ✔ Bobby: we're gonna have fun Bobby: tell your 🧠 Libi: We always do Libi: I'm going to cheer up Libi: Am says she's invited SO many people, she probably won't even notice we're there Libi: we can 💃🕺 unbothered all night Bobby: a bit relieved I won't have to have my face painted like a 🐺 to improve things this time Bobby: dunno if I could still pull that off Libi: 'course you could Libi: but Jimmy might be a bit busy, all things considered Libi: 🤞 she's hired the lady again Libi: 🍧🍨🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩🍪 Bobby: I bet it'll be 🍣 this time Bobby: 🤞 not off some poor lad Bobby: be wishing I was blind instead Libi: Bobby! Libi: 😂 That's horrific Libi: worse than anything I've been warned against Bobby: soz! Bobby: it's not her 🎂 she'll probably have toned it down 🤏 Libi: I should hope so Libi: maybe she'll have gone 50/50 and we can eat 🍧🍨🧁🍰🎂🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩🍪 off some dude Libi: I'll be able to tolerate that Bobby: chuffed for YOU Bobby: won't catch me eating anything off anyone Libi: Spoilsport 😜 Bobby: you started drinking already? Bobby: offering yourself up as a 🍽 don't sound like something sober you would do Libi: I didn't! Libi: You're 📑 between the lines, I think Bobby: 🤔👌 Libi: It's most offensive you think I'd start without you Libi: how rude when you're stuck suit shopping Bobby: I bet China has Libi: If you were Jake Gallagher, what would YOU find more attractive? A girl who can keep up and hold her drink, or a girl who goes hard and blacks out Libi: that's who she's after right now, so I've heard Bobby: 🍾🥂💅💄 all just part of getting ready for her Bobby: what's his? the sniff test and shots Bobby: sounds like 💘 to me Libi: Second best option, least in her head Libi: she can't get you so, I guess Bobby: she don't want me Bobby: the real question is, why are you asking me about Jake's POV? Libi: Only because she's shot herself in the foot by being a bitch to you Libi: Because whatever kind of girl she reckons he's into, is what she'll be being tonight Libi: and you're a boy, so you'd know Bobby: I'm not the same kind of boy as him Libi: Yeah but precisely 0 of the boys at school are as nice as you Bobby: which lads aren't being nice to you? Libi: No one's not being nice to me Libi: but there's a reason you're my best friend Bobby: you can tell me, just 'cause I can't have a conversation with them don't mean I can't make them understand that they need to treat you nicer Libi: This is why you're trusted to keep me safe Libi: not calling you 🐶cute don't worry Bobby: you're my best friend, you can call me what you like Libi: Well now I just have to come up with the most ridiculous nickname, obviously 😏 Bobby: after a few drinks that'll come easy Bobby: I've heard that's how it works Libi: I won't tell Astrid it's your new sign name or anything Bobby: she'll make it stick if you do Libi: Exactly why we'll keep it secret Libi: I know deaf etiquette but you know the rest of 'em'll be asking for the story Bobby: and you don't want the story to be that you were pre-drinking Libi: UM, I'm protecting you from the story being you was 🥳😵🥴 and then... Bobby: oh NOW I get it, tah for being my hero Libi: SO welcome 😚 Libi: and I am not pre-drinking yet Bobby: you want me to go first in case everything we try is 🤢 Libi: 1. I KNOW beer is and I KNOW wine is so I don't know what I'm even going to start with 2. Even China isn't sad enough to be drinking alone, she'll have her mates there, like Bobby: what if it's really ALL 🤢? what are we gonna do? Libi: I'll bring a massive bag as part of my ensemble and we can just mix everything with the coke I hide in it Libi: I've got one we could at least fit 2 2l bottles in Bobby: my actual hero Libi: You'll have to carry it for me there so don't be too thankful yet Bobby: how many batteries will I have to carry for your 📹? Libi: I can kick it disposable Libi: don't need her 🔊😘 in my memories forever Bobby: relieved I don't lip read so girls can't use that to say I'm flirting with them 👀💋 Libi: They're 💔 Libi: also clearly think you still do, half of them Bobby: faking it and playing a really really long game Libi: 🙄 Honestly Libi: They think there's only one way to be deaf, is why Bobby: bit awkward that I'm doing it wrong Libi: How dare you, like Bobby: about as awkward as the BRIGHT lights this party would need for anyone to lip read Bobby: the things we'd 👀... Libi: 🤐 Libi: at least I can freely tell you all the good bits I do overhear without looking like a massive gossip Bobby: yeah, I'll be 💔 if I don't find out about Jake's ✔s and ❌s Libi: Yeah, 90% of it is really boring Libi: but there must be something decent in the 10% to make it worth going, right? Bobby: we're about to find out 🤞 Libi: 😎 Bobby: is Am coming or is it too close to home? Libi: Coming to us or coming to the party? Bobby: 😂 both questions work Libi: She's lowkey got to be there, I think, or go to her nans which she's almost as 😒 about Libi: their mum is at her boyfriends Libi: he's lasting, hence the increase in parties Libi: I'll invite her even though it probably feels counterproductive, so at least she can have fun here before going back Bobby: tell her I said I NEED her to teach me how to drink Libi: 😂 How could she refuse Bobby: she won't Libi: Careful, don't wanna sound like Jake Bobby: 🤐 Libi: She's down though Libi: China is fully telling her she HAS to go to their nans, like she's got a leg to stand on Bobby: 👶ing her is DEFFO gonna make her do anything Libi: Seriously, she acts like she's so much older, it's ridiculous Bobby: makes me feel like I should give Cass some kind of sister award Libi: Don't have to wait 'til she gets hitched to do a 📼 Bobby: I probably do Bobby: or at least wait for her 21st Libi: Right, she's not the sentimental sort Libi: or IS she? 🤔🤫 Bobby: when it's about our mum Libi: It's understandable Libi: even if it's hard to Bobby: yeah Libi: What about you? Bobby: what about me? Libi: How are you feeling about it? Bobby: it's not like there's anything new to feel Bobby: it's been ages since she was even a real person to me Libi: Your feelings could change, even if the situation hasn't Libi: But I understand what you mean too Bobby: it's different for her, she has loads more memories Bobby: I don't even know if mine are proper ones or just something I made up 📚🤴👸🐉 Libi: It is a different sort of loss Libi: more, what you could've had, not what you did Libi: it's the same for me, compared to everyone else Bobby: I don't feel like I missed out on anything Bobby: Jim didn't let me Libi: That's what's important Bobby: it's a bit rude to him that Cass acts like she'd have been better off having mum back Libi: She clearly isn't thinking about that Libi: it is though, but in terms of her priorities, she can sort being a bit rude out later Bobby: she wasn't a mum like yours, anyone would miss that Libi: that's because she was 15, just a kid herself Libi: like all the fun we had with Jim and Janis Libi: your mum was a proper adult, things get messy and difficult Bobby: you can still 👀 she was and would've been a good mum, how much she loves you is on every 📼 Bobby: as a proper adult mine should've done better, is what I think Libi: She definitely should've Libi: maybe Cass just wants to tell her as much Libi: I don't know Bobby: maybe she wants someone else to be 😡 at Bobby: dad isn't gonna change if she shouts at him Libi: Hope's a powerful thing Libi: whilst there's still a chance there's still a chance Bobby: feels like a dangerous thing if you're holding onto it for either of my parents but what do I know Libi: Probably is Libi: but maybe the way she sees it is your dad has blown it and your mum has a final chance to Bobby: officially she's dead though, they don't just decide that if they think someone's coming back Libi: I know Libi: it takes a lot of factors to make it seem official though Libi: maybe more for her than you Bobby: I think it should count for something that she's been gone longer than she's been around Bobby: you've never even met her and I've known you forever Libi: Probably don't need to ask if it's worth having this conversation with her? Libi: 😡 Bobby: she's the deaf one on that subject Bobby: even my dad's said more about her than Cass has Bobby: all 🤬 obviously but still Libi: Of course Libi: you can always talk to me Libi: don't need to be pre-drunk or anything Bobby: what's the deaf version of slurring, do you think? Bobby: signs that don't make sense? Libi: It'll be like an experiment 😁 Libi: maybe you forget all the signs like people do the right words Bobby: it'll probably be like when Janis was learning and kept getting everything slightly wrong for ages but was still doing it really confidently Libi: 😂 exactly like that Libi: as long as I don't start shouting again Bobby: 😂 Libi: I shouldn't forget you don't 👀💋 Bobby: I hate the idea that we won't understand each other Bobby: if we forget everything or whatever Libi: that's not going to happen Bobby: how do you know? Libi: 'cos it just never will Libi: we'll always be able to understand each other Bobby: we'll still have body language Libi: and telepathy Libi: if we try hard enough Bobby: unless we're too 😵 to have proper 💭s either Libi: I can still read your muddled ones Bobby: I don't wanna talk myself out of this but I Bobby: need to be able to talk to you Libi: We're not going to get that drunk Libi: we don't have to if we don't want to, and I don't want to Bobby: alright Libi: If it stops being fun we'll slow down Libi: or just keep drinking coke and pretending there's vodka in there Bobby: 🤝 Libi: 🤝 Libi: and Am is going to teach us Libi: we'll be pros Bobby: I'm overthinking it, must be my go Libi: I started it and put too much pressure on you Libi: it'll be like any other party Libi: we'll do our own thing and it'll be good Bobby: nah, it's not your fault that most people there couldn't talk to me sober Libi: 😞 Libi: we'll find a party Libi: where you can talk to everyone you want Bobby: that sounds like a 📚🤴👸🐉 Libi: A good one though? Bobby: I don't know Bobby: a weird one Libi: There's bound to be groups or social shit, there's plenty of schools, I bet they put stuff on Libi: you'd only have to endure those a few times if they were really lame to find people to hang out with outside of it Bobby: there's no expecting Cass to go back and be mates with anyone or everyone who's a bit northern Libi: that's why you have to find the decent people out Bobby: I've found you, don't get any better than that Libi: 🥰 Libi: I'm pleased to hear you don't plan to totally replace me Bobby: couldn't if I wanted to Bobby: irreplaceable, you Libi: You practising your lines on me? Bobby: is it working? Libi: Who are you practising for? Bobby: China, obviously Libi: Don't even joke! 😷 Bobby: I'd get alcohol poisoning before I was drunk enough to go near her Libi: I'd drag you home before you made such a bad decision Bobby: I've got your back with Jake too Libi: I'm not going anywhere near Jake Libi: plus he's 15 isn't he? Libi: doubt he's actually interested in her nevermind me Bobby: didn't get an invite to any of his 🎂🥳 so I can't say for sure Libi: Rude of him Libi: they'd be a great couple Bobby: 💘 like I said Libi: Okay Cupid, you were right Libi: how are you going to make it happen? Bobby: they don't need my help Bobby: perfect for each other Libi: 🙄 Libi: Happy for them 👏 Bobby: 🎬🌹 Bobby: well convincing performance there, Libs Libi: I'll be ready by the time we get there Libi: 🙇 Bobby: and I'll be ready if Jake needs to borrow any lines to win her over Libi: An interesting twist on Cyrano Libi: he's going to need to understand sign though Libi: or it'll be you to me to Jake to China Libi: no 🔺 all ⬛ Bobby: if he can read I'll pass him a note 💌 Libi: Oh Libi: DUH Libi: keep the words short and he shouldn't struggle that much Bobby: but I think Netflix would prefer it your way ⬛ Libi: Probably Libi: the more convoluted the better Libi: gotta get multiple series Bobby: at least 7 Bobby: we're in our late 20s by the middle Libi: definitely should be out of school, should definitely be over this #drama Bobby: definitely should 👀 some of those plot twists coming Libi: 5 relationships and 3 murders in Libi: Started out so innocent Bobby: or did we 😉 Libi: 😱 Libi: If you've been the killer this whole time Libi: disappointing Bobby: is it? Bobby: 💔 Libi: Of course, I trusted you Libi: Great dramatic speech though, if you don't end the finale by killing me too Bobby: you can still trust me, I did it all to keep you safe Libi: Now THAT'S 🎬🌹 Bobby: 🙇 Libi: Bet we'd even get a shitty spin-off Bobby: 12 episodes Libi: give us a weird looking baby Libi: still getting into drama though Bobby: 🐶 too Libi: the dog can be cute Bobby: have you ever 👀 one that isn't? the real question Libi: Some of the pure breeds but that's not their fault Libi: still cute they just might make me sad Bobby: ❌😢 Libi: *😿*🐶 Bobby: 🥺 Libi: Well that's not fair Libi: don't just bring out the puppydog eyes with no warning Bobby: the warning was 😿🐶 Libi: well I think that's playing dirty Bobby: how is it? Libi: 🥺 is last resort Bobby: do it back and we'll be even Libi: [selfie 'cos duh] Libi: When are you gonna come over? Libi: It's not cool to be early to the party but when is it acceptable to start the pre-party? Bobby: we're on our way back, we can start it then Bobby: I'll just need to grab my 👗👠 Libi: Of course Libi: feel free to send those 🥉🥈🥇 options Bobby: how many do you have? Libi: I think 2 Libi: well, 3, but that's the one I think is utterly ridiculous but you might tell me it's right Libi: then one more casual and one that's what I'm assuming the 😎 girl would wear Bobby: don't worry about 📷s I'll 👀 when I get there Bobby: for the full 💃 effect Libi: as long as it's before the others get here Libi: don't want to look like I'm showing off Bobby: we won't tell them the pre-party's started, it's alright Libi: 👍😅 Bobby: I'll grab [food from place they like 1] and [food they like from place 2 that doesn't work together for anyone else but is one of their weird combos] then I can't 🤔 for too long before it'll go cold Libi: Now THAT is a 💡 Libi: I'm starving 😋 Bobby: me too, that's how I knew you would be Libi: fainting would really make us look lightweight Bobby: if it was just one of us we could probably turn it into a 🕺💃 move Bobby: both, not so much Libi: I can hold you up Bobby: not if you're wearing 👠 for the first time Libi: It's not the FIRST time Bobby: trying them on and deciding you don't like them doesn't count Libi: 😣 Rude Bobby: you don't have any secrets from me, I know everything you've done and not done Libi: or do I? 🤔 Bobby: I'll get you to tell me whatever it is Libi: Oh really? Bobby: yep Libi: Good thing I don't really have any then Bobby: 🤔 that's what someone with loads of secrets WOULD say Libi: 😂 make up your mind Bobs Bobby: once I've read yours Libi: Go ahead Bobby: 👀 Libi: All I'm thinking about is the food now Bobby: I'm 🏃ing in Libi: Step on it 👏 Libi: jk Bobby: hang on in there, Libs Bobby: ⏲❗ Libi: I'm SO patient Bobby: there's a MASSIVE queue though Libi: Well that's rude Libi: don't they know we've got places to be Bobby: I'll write down how much I miss you and wave the paper at them Libi: I've missed you too Libi: you've got to tell me all about today before we go anywhere Bobby: I've got an impression of the salesbloke you have to see Bobby: he didn't have your patience with us Libi: That's literally half his job, humouring people until they buy something Bobby: maybe he was starving too Bobby: or missing someone Libi: In the show he'd definitely have a tragic backstory that made it alright he was so rude Bobby: definitely 💔 Libi: 🤔 Libi: Maybe his son died young and he never got to buy suits with him so now he works there to punish himself because the accident was his fault Bobby: ❗ you should be one of the show's writers ❗ Bobby: wasted in the ⬛ Bobby: I was gonna say his husband to be died on the way to the wedding Bobby: he hated the suit he chose but he HAD TO ⚰ him in it Libi: Ooh, that's good too Libi: maybe his husband wanted to wear a dress but the family said no Bobby: he did manage to sneak 👠s on him before the burial but Libi: a tasteful 3-inches, nothing crazy Libi: 😂 Libi: I wish people were as interesting as we give them credit Bobby: might be when you find all these ✨Deaf people✨ Libi: Look, I didn't promise they'd be magical Libi: just that you can have the same experience talking to boring people at parties as everyone else Bobby: if they're not riding 🦄 I don't want it Libi: It was just a suggestion but alright, stick with me and my 🦄 Libi: **donkeys my grandma has Bobby: I will Bobby: 🤞 things don't go so far with Jake tonight that China needs to borrow one Libi: 😏 Libi: She wishes she was still in her glory days Bobby: I think she thinks she is Libi: I'm not casting her Bobby: ❌🎬🌹 Libi: Get a dodgy lookalike for the ⬛ Libi: she'll be fuming Bobby: Am would do it Bobby: she's great at the impression Libi: Depends which way this ⬛ is going to go Bobby: you don't want her with Jake either, I get it Libi: I don't want anyone with Jake Libi: he'll have to be murdered before anything real can happen Bobby: 1st victim Bobby: end of episode 1 Libi: They won't see it coming Bobby: he won't, everyone else will see it slow motion as the 1st scene and over and over as a flashback Libi: You're SO troubled Bobby: ☔🎻 Bobby: put a black hoodie on me Libi: Seriously Libi: You don't think it's a bit 😬 to cast you as the villain? Libi: like all the Bond villains with the deformities and queer coding Bobby: I already don't speak, that's every high school outcast Libi: That's also your brother Bobby: but let him get to 30 before you cast him Bobby: 😒🔪 Libi: or let him get to 35 and he can be your dad Bobby: he'll be VERY chuffed about that Libi: don't tell him I said that Bobby: 🤐 Libi: When do you think they'll have babies? Bobby: we might've put them off Libi: At least for a while Libi: my nan is SO welcome 😁 Bobby: warn her I'm on my way Libi: She likes you really Bobby: 😁 Libi: That's EXACTLY how she feels Bobby: I know Libi: Are you sleeping over after? Bobby: yeah Bobby: none of the others are, right? Libi: No, I've not asked them Libi: they'll give the game away, we can be 🤫 and act sober Bobby: or actually be sober if we want Libi: exactly Libi: I don't trust half of 'em, no offence Bobby: not enough of them have 👀 your nan 😤 Libi: I trust Beck but Am...not so much Libi: guess China taught her how to drink young 🙄 Bobby: she's gonna be ON one tonight Bobby: we'll have to 👀 out for her Libi: 👶sitting Libi: what about the guys? Libi: I've never seen them drinking, I don't think Libi: even if they SWEAR they do, all the time Bobby: you should ask them what Bobby: that'll expose the truth Bobby: 1 🍺 last St Patrick's day or whatever Libi: 🤔🔎 on the case Bobby: while I 🏃 to get the last bit of our order Libi: 🤗 Bobby: are you watching China's story? 😲🍿 Libi: ❓❗ Bobby: ❗❗ Bobby: I had no idea a house party was SUCH a big deal Libi: Oh God Libi: let me go see Libi: the boys are being coy, hold on lads Bobby: I call bollocks if they're trying to say it's 🥃🍸🍹 all the time Libi: Oh, they are for SURE lying Libi: I just want to know how much they've actually done it before so we know how hard we need to 👀 Libi: but OH GOD Libi: 😰😥 Bobby: like, is SHE gonna ride in on a 🦄 Libi: I'm going to be so underdressed Libi: and without a steed Libi: 😱😱😱 Bobby: I'll give you a piggyback in Bobby: and you'll look 🥇 Libi: She's really gone IN Libi: Jesus Bobby: was this a bad idea? Libi: Maybe? Libi: it's too late to back out now though Libi: all the others have been invited Bobby: 😳😳😳 Libi: How do we make this okay? Libi: Aside from looking after each other Bobby: and looking 😎 Libi: Don't leave me alone with any dude Libi: I am not in the right shoes to kick anyone in the balls Bobby: I won't leave you alone unless you're going 🚽 and even then, probably take Beck Libi: and you'll have to let me know if you want to be left alone with any one Libi: otherwise I won't either Bobby: I don't want to be left alone with anyone but you Libi: Then I won't 🤞🤝 Bobby: 🤞🤝 Libi: [we can skippity to any point or just vibe out how we want the pre-party with friends to be/the actual party, whatever's cool] Bobby: [let's plot it and see how we get on, like obvs you're having your weird food when he gets there and then he's gonna help her pick an outfit by making her do some silly dancing in each] Libi: [having a lovely time when it's just you two frankly] Bobby: [that's the tea, have you got a vibe for how you want pre-drinks to be?] Libi: [I think some of you, aka America 'cos there's no way to avoid how messy and sad she looks, and probably some of the boys whatever, are already going harder so you two cuties are like oh] Bobby: [she definitely has that vibe as we were both trying to put across in this convo without just calling her a messy bitch lol so that feels legit] Libi: [we should probably map out your main group at some point hennys but yeah, she's definitely a mess god bless, and I'm saying the Beck girl is more chill] Bobby: [at least give them names and roughly decide how many there are roughly, is Beck Rebecca Black or is she a friend that Libi gets later on?] Libi: [Yeah I think you can be Rebecca Black, there's a gal or 2 others she's consistently friends with but I'll use you 2 for now minimum] Bobby: [could be those gals and 2 or 3 boys then as like the core group and obvs Astrid but idk if you're coming to this party hen cos you are only 11 but also Drew is your dad so] Libi: [yeah I doubt you're dying to come to this but you can if you wanna] Bobby: [I feel like you'd love a party hen so you'd wanna come but then get there and be like oh because it's not the kind of party you imagined] Libi: [You probably know China sucks] Bobby: [you'd tell her to her face lbr so don't go gal] Libi: [she'd be worse to you than she is to Bobby, if she's ever acknowledged you so let us not] Bobby: [honestly, you don't need that in your life] Libi: [when someone else has a party, one of us or one of the gang] Bobby: [doesn't really matter but are saying all these friends are in Libi's year or are any from Bobby's] Libi: [I feel we could have a mix but 'cos of the deaf moment maybe there's like one decent lad or two from his year that are his friends, know what I mean] Bobby: [yeah that feels real, we're on the same page as per] Bobby: [I feel like that's probably the lad that's going too hard and America probably wants to get with him cos older but not to a creepy extent] Libi: [I vibe it, we can give you a face boy, but we just hang with lots of people casually but we don't have to name you all unless we wanna] Bobby: [yeah we said that Libi is lowkey friends with everyone unless they're dicks so, is there a lad the America girl's face gets with in that show we could use or is it just Noah?] Libi: There's another one, 'cos one of the storylines of s1 from what I can gather is he's Claudia's bf but cheating with America's face who's her bff, so predictable, we could use him maybe, I'll have a look] Bobby: [doesn't matter if he's not cute because we know she's a messy bitch so] Libi: [none of the lads are really but they're useable and we know Bobby's the cute one soz] Bobby: [she's blatantly the cutest girl as well not soz] Libi: [we know it's true even though we're not dicks about it] Bobby: [@ China calm yourself you're not that special] Libi: [seriously there's no need hen] Bobby: [thank god we can all mock you during these pre-drinks] Libi: [might find a ridiculous photo of some hoe outfit for you just to amuse myself] Bobby: [did you pick a Claudia outfit?] Libi: [not an outfit but a disposable esque photo and I'll just go from that, as we're not living laughing loving not gonna waste a lewk] Bobby: [other than obvs dancing can you think of anything else cute that could happen at this party before they leave?] Libi: [Hmm what's unwittingly cute and something you think just pals do but everyone else is like ok couple umm] Bobby: [taking loads of pics is a given] Libi: [definitely, idk why my mind has gone blank, again, apart from the obvious fact that people would try to flirt with both of you and we shut that down lmao] Bobby: [literally not leaving each other's side is pretty damn coupley tbh and he is carrying her stuff for her as well, like I picture them going off on their own for ages as well to like the garden or wherever so people think things about that because you can't even use the excuse you can't hear yourselves talking over the music lol but actually we're just shooketh about how wild this party is] Libi: [when you're just trying to hide from everyone else sincerely lmao, when your mum is so dickmatized that she lets you get up to drama and lowkey wreck the house every weekend, gal, just thinking it's bants like oh having teens] Bobby: [she's probably lowkey a bit stupid like Asia was, hence an easy target for shit men] Libi: [mhmm, soz to you gals] Bobby: [also soz to the squad but as soon as the bf appears we are leaving because Bobby will be like I recognise this energy and I have to peace] Libi: [can we call him gary tah] Bobby: [I was thinking about it and like realistically Bobby probably only moved in with JJ pretty recently aka when Cass went to uni and they weren't gonna leave him alone because Ian's not just gonna let them take him when they're 18 and even if they could they are living in the flat above the pub and like Janis has her modelling and they travel for that for a while so yeah that hit me bye] Libi: [yeah it's a couple of years at most] Bobby: [lowkey heartbreaking but anyway] Libi: [we know it's worse when Jimmy is there no offence boy but Ian picks on you is what I mean, he lowkey just ignores Bobby which is rude but easier to deal with when they're still around making sure you're good] Bobby: [mhmm] Libi: [but yeah, gotta remember that, now you probably live above the pub still but you'll probably be moving into their new house soon that they have when the bubs[ Bobby: [yeah you might've already moved into there before getting married, just depends how jj decide to be living and spending those modelling funds] Libi: [how exciting, and there's a room for you boy, until you are with child lmao then you gotta share or go into the basement moment] Bobby: [it makes me happy in my heart] Libi: [I think we should say you've bought it and then have a honeymoon and then start moving in because there's usually decorating and cleaning and all that good times to do] Bobby: [that feels right, I agree] Libi: [Bobby should already be planning to stay with mcvickers and Libi 'cos fuck you Ian] Bobby: [we have to because imagine all the cuteness and yeah mcvickers would like him because he's just a nice chill boy unlike all of theirs lol] Libi: [they could go after xmas so a bit of it like a week ish is in the holibobs, or if they went literally just after xmas and before NY, you could do the full 2 and do nye together] Bobby: [love that] Bobby: [and I'm still having you sleep over tonight boy even though you've probably been at that party for like a couple of hours at most so you can stay up talking about how wild everyone is and the Gary situation] Libi: [got to debrief, what's your deal gary] Bobby: [another question is are we saying you've been around a while or has it all just started happening and your mum is being extra] Libi: ['cos 2 different but equally as potential giving moods, 'cos if it's fast that's like AHH but if he's been being a dick for a while, then it's already established, fair, we are going to be forward to do most of Bibi so perhaps it's like he's just shown up on the scene now but she's had a few before and they never last?] Bobby: [yeah like he's already lasted longer than her usual who bounce after a few dates but it hasn't been ages yet] Libi: [like they already had some stability issues from their own dads fucking off but when this one lasts and is then an arsehole, it can get steadily worse, maybe even though their mum is p crap now she totally changes towards 'em too] Bobby: [exactly and it's okay to go to your nans sometimes but you can't both lowkey move in when things get more serious for this notp, literally imagine being your mum's shameless fave and then it's like well I only live and breathe for this man now so] Libi: [I vibe that she's always like this when she gets a boyfriend, one of those that is obsessed but they never last so we're back to all about me and my gurls but then this one don't leave so she's just 😍 and they're like teens so she's like you don't even need me as much now anyway yeah? byeeeee] Bobby: [that is such a real energy and reminds me of a Jacqueline book tbh I'm so invested] Libi: [maybe the vibe is when this goes down China and America have to get closer because they've both been forced out, so then that's how we get them both in the circle, it'd probably make sense for you to be America, 'cos that's the established relationship so far with Libi, and it'd probably be more interesting to build with China, but we can also do sibling shit and America getting to know Bobby more because she's more Libi's friend atm] Bobby: [I'm so excited about this, not soz to the giantness of gen 4] Libi: [we can totally put a pin in this and skip forward to do some of this if you like]

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differenttriumphdragon · 4 years

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My Best Cookie Votes and Why: Round 1, Part 1

Mint Choco: While Orange is nice and all, she's ultimately a pretty flat character...and not just in the literal sense either. Minty, on the other hand, has an actual backstory, for starters, plus he's not an absolute dick to his closest friend like his opponent is. Plus, Mint's implied romance with Cocoa is infinitely more satisfying than the Citrus Love Triangle that they do absolutely nothing with. (As a side note, I find it hilarious that the very first matchup is literally just Orange Juice vs. Toothpaste.)

Sea Fairy: I like Tiger Lily and all, but literally her only purpose in canon seems to be to never get told what anything is, which is extremely frustrating on the part of the other Cookies and honestly hits way too close to home. That, and her major character arc with Princess is NEVER touched upon, while Sea Fairy presumably actually managed to reunite with Moonlight.

Pilot: This matchup was essentially Good, Loving (probably surrogate) Grandparent versus Awful, Neglectful, Irresponsible Grandparent who is confirmed to have attempted to alter her granddaughter's DNA in order to change her personality. So yeah.

Pink Choco: Neither of these Cookies really stand out at all. I am a fan of Pink's Magical Girl theming, though, and honestly I'd rather see her on stage than Carol. Also, Pink's design is leagues better.

Walnut: I'll admit, she's just more endearing to me for some reason. Her power is more interesting (and I actually understand how exactly it's supposed to work), and honestly the idea of a little detective with a teddy bear assistant is just adorable. I'm still mad about Angel, but that's not exactly HER fault, now is it?

Dark Choco: DC is a compelling fallen hero character who drives the entire story of Ovenbreak with his disappearance. White Choco Cookie is French, and that's about it. Also:

How can you not vote for him when he promises you such important lore? (Granted, he calls you out for being vain if you pick him. Hey, any lore is good lore, pal! Also, I have long hair I need to worry about too!)

Purple Yam: Honestly, the fact that he actually questions the bad writing sold me on voting for him. He's also a genuinely good character despite his only emotion being anger.

Firecracker: I absolutely love her 80s arcade aesthetic, even in spite of her being way too young to have ever been to an arcade in the 80s. She genuinely wants everyone to have fun, too. Also, Marshmallow got Flame Bat and Celestial Star locked up for her Trial.

Squid Ink: To be honest, this was one of the tougher choices. In the end, I decided that Inky needed more love after what they've been through, so they got the vote. Sorry, Fig.

Roguefort: Devsis has a really bad habit this list of putting far more interesting recent characters against old characters with nothing really to them. I mean, yeah, Ninja's mysterious and all, but you've done absolutely nothing with him since not even LINE, but the defunct game Ovenbreak 2! Other than maybe change his name from Ninjabread, anyway. Hell, Tiny Ghost is more interesting than him, but even then newer players wouldn't even know that, since the one throwaway line hinting at something more was in a Cookie Quest, which were removed from the game entirely over a year ago. Roguefort is more interesting by default.

Vampire: Can I be honest for a sec here? I hate Pancake with a passion. He deliberately makes himself seem cuter to get his way. Based on his interactions with Cream Puff, he's just as cruel as his big bro, if not as outwardly aggressive. No, Pancake relies on psychological manipulation to get everything he wants, and the worst part is IT'S FUCKING WORKING. As we speak, he's stealing a Magic Candy from Devil, from Kiwi...hell, he's even stealing it from Vampire! And now he's dominating the polls, adding insult to debilitating injury. He's not even fucking cute. Yeah, I said it.

Pistachio: Soda has absolutely no personality other than surfboard. Do I even need to say more?

Peppermint: DE could be SUCH a good villain if Devsis could decide what kind of villain she even is. Also if they remembered she was a major villain at all.

Lemon: I'll admit, I see a lot of myself in Lemon. Mostly in feeling artificial and having basically no friends, ever. I honestly think I'd be in a much worse place if I didn't have a brother. Whip could be great if they did anything with the White Swan/Black Swan dynamic he has with Skating Queen.

Pitaya: I've always had problems with the "You can only eat if you work for it" mentality. First of all, you need food to get energy to work, and if you aren't fed, then how are you going to work hard for food!? Second, what if you're disabled or otherwise can't work? Do you just starve to death, then? It just sounds awful!

Cream Puff: She's trying her best.

Kumiho: ...I honestly don't remember.

Pomegranate: A genuinely good villain who stole the show with her introduction. She could've easily been a Knight of Cerebus if the writers cared enough.

Cyborg: Blackberry abandoned a child relying on her protection to chase after a man who didn't remotely need her help. Also, she hates Devil. Also also, Cyborg is cool.

Hero: If you've read Hellfyre Speaks, you can probably guess why I personally picked Hero. I'm just surprised at the popular vote; it seemed to me like Herb was way more popular! But I guess not? Or at least not with early voters.

Werewolf: He's far more fleshed out than Gumball by far.

Devil: Have I ever actually explained why Devil is my favorite? Like, sure, he's an asshole, but he's the fun, ineffectual kind of asshole you actually wanna root for that you see in cartoons; like, in shows focused on a 'villain' character's scheming, usually with a naive idiot going along with it and a very-much-ignored voice of reason. Like in Ed, Edd, n' Eddy, or Evil Con Carne. Devil also has a flair for the dramatic, a knack for 'evil' schemes, and even the perfect foil to play off of! He'd be an absolute goldmine when it comes to the more lighthearted antics between acts, but Devsis is apparently content to just haul up gravel.

Knight: I'll be honest, I saw Alchemist and immediately clicked the other Cookie without looking who it was. But this isn't a post about her, so let's talk about Knight. First off, he'd be the perfect antagonist to Devil; Devil goes full ham when acting out an 'evil' plan, while Knight takes everything WAY too seriously. He adores Princess Cookie but doesn't know jack shit about her, which juxtaposed with Princess's nonchalant rebuttals of everything he claims about her makes it hilarious in a kind of pathetic way. (Ex. Knight claiming that Princess would probably never eat Jam again, then Princess replying she could totally go for some right now to the exact same question.) He's delusional in a way that you'd feel bad for him if he wasn't so over-the-top about it, and yet at the same time he does have skills that match up with his headcanon of how things work, just not the reputation.

Matcha: Seems like the person who'd play both sides for her amusement. I'd keep an eye on her.

#cookie run

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h3l10tr0p3 · 5 years

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Headcanon: Deku, the Serial Shipper

Contains- Mentions of sexual activities, established relationship - Bakudeku; Crack pairings- TodoIna, JiroMomo, UraTsuyu, UraTenya, DenkiSero, Kirimina, platonic Kiribaku etc.

(Beware- Long post)

Jesus Christ, I just had this HC and now I gotta spill, otherwise I won't be able to sleep tonight. Here's another annoying Long Post for y'all)

Deku, as a Pro Hero and Katsuki's Duo Partner, has a pretty hectic life since the media are crazy bloodhounds, the villains are a pain in the ass, interacting with fans becomes exhausting at times, and the critics are demons wailing for his blood.

Yeah, very hectic. And on top of that, there's very little time to relax. Most of the days he sneaks some solace in the gym, if he can buy more time he likes to read and immerse himself in his notebooks and research. Fighting Katsuki to blow some steam is a last resort to shed off weeks of frustration and only reserved for off-days or desperate times - because something like that inevitably devolves into gratuitous rough sex or worse, day-long fuck-a-thon. Not that Deku doesn't enjoy it, he simply doesn't have the time to indulge and he knows Kacchan doesn't either, so they try to keep their hands off each other unless the occassion begs for much-needed violent release.

But sometimes, you just want instant relief. Sometimes Deku just wants to kick back and relax like a normal person, go on the internet, without everyone hounding him for a piece of his mind.

So he does.

Under Anonymity.

Et viola @allmight9000 comes alive on several media platforms including Tumblr and Twitter. At first, Deku masquerades around as a hardcore All Might fan fighting anyone who dares to diss the retired Symbol of Peace . But since his retirement, his popularity has gone cold, not many heated debates take place around him anymore and as sad as this makes Deku, he decides to discover new venues.

Now, Deku knows there's this dark void of fanfiction lurking on the net and there's no escape from it should he ever set foot into it. He is also aware of the dark things that beckon him from the sewers like Pennywise the Dancing Clown (eg. All Might/Endeavour, Hawks/Endeavour, All Might Bowl, All Might/ Hero Harem, All Might/Midnight, All Might/Aizawa/Present Mic and so on), things he should rightfully keep a safe distance from. But this is fucking Deku we are talking about- ofcourse he dares to dip his foot into the murk of fanfiction.

For science, he thinks, and takes the plunge.

It all goes downhill from there.

One day, Katsuki comes back from his shift to find Deku face-planted into the sofa, he hasn't eaten lunch, hasn't bathed and is claiming trauma, repeatedly insisting that he has sinned and he is going to hell for it, then he shakily holds up a 367k word fic of Villain Might/Endeavour. Katsuki has to slap him back to his senses. Later that night, Deku calls up Toshinori and asks him for forgiveness, when Toshinori asks him worriedly, 'For what?', Deku assures him he DOES NOT wanna know.

After obsessively going through various tropes and completing every Enemies to Lovers / Mutual Pining / Unrequited Love fic there is (and there is a lot, Deku hates himself every day for it), waiting torturous weeks for dead authors to rise from the ashes for a teeny tiny update, Deku finally gives up his small lake of unfulfilling All Might ships (because frankly it's hard to find a fic that suits his tastes and convincingly fleshes out a love story around a man who has pointedly avoided romance for the better part of his LIFE or a find a fic which is COMPLETE) and sets out into the sea of Ships.

Bad Idea.

Very VERY Bad Idea.

(We know it, he knows it. Katsuki is the only one who is blessedly oblivious because he chooses not to wade into Deku's mental shit and compromise his own sanity.)

Strangely, Deku has come to take an odd satisfaction of returning to fan mentality of shipping two people without restraints (rarely more than two)-it's simple, senseless, easy. It gives his head a break from all the overanalyzing it does and gives him a small dose of endorphins when he cant work out, eat out or fuck out the frustration. He was adverse to it first, since these are strangers trying to ship two random people (people he is friends with), and it was unsettling to find so many people shipping them when they've BARELY had any interaction in canon real life! What's the premise of shipping them at all? He just didn't find any allure to it back then. So he kept his reads under fluff and under mature ratings because he feels uncomfortable reading smut about his friends.

But Deku had a 'Oh my God they were ROOMMATES' moment when Jirou and Momo announce that they are dating to the U.A. Alumni, that too after reading a really fluffy Creati/Earphone Jack fic which accurately referenced their public sightings together and spun it into plot-points quite masterfully. ( the author did a real good job on it) And the most horrifying thing about the fic, Deku finds, is the fact that NO ONE, not even the AUTHOR knows how correct they were in their estimates! No one except Deku.

That realization shakes the foundations of Deku's beliefs and morality as he wonders how many fics out there , sfw or smut, requited or unrequited love, enemies to lovers or lovers to strangers, fluff or smut have come so so close to the truth, been so damn close - like an alternate course of their love-story? and WHY IS NO ONE GIVING IT MORE KUDOS?

This is how Deku ends up being the most irredeemable Shipper of the universe- with a mission in hand:

To curate proof of all valid ships and to supply aforesaid proof of it to the world (as subtly as he can of course, so as to not compromise his own identity or the privacy of the Shipped.)

He begins to scour through the net for paparazzi photos, indulges in gossip, pries out information of who is dating whom from his Hero contacts, authenticates it, creates folders and subfolders of photographic 'proof' (they are just teasers really) and whenever anyone writes a fic that comes anywhere close to the real thing he makes sure to tag them in his tumblr/twitter post with photos which basically pour gasoline over their fiery passion to continue dreaming and writing fics around those Ships. Like:

You wrote a fic of Fluffy Iron Fist x Real Steel? Here you go- an obscure pic of them leaving her apartment together

Uravity x Ingenium and Uravity x Froppy? A love triangle that could possibly end in heartbreak?!! Damn, sistah, who knows? (She's confused too, imho) So here you go- Uravity getting tipsy with Froppy and Uravity snuggling to Ingenium under the rain.

One-shot of Chargebolt x Cellophane getting frisky in an alley? Honey, I gotchu. Here's a pic of them arriving at a villain scene together with dishevelled clothes.

All Might x Endeavour Slow Burn? My dear friend- here's a picture of the Symbol of peace roasting marshmallows with Shouto on flaming Endeavour merch. Please don't make me block you.

All Might x Midnight? Here's a pic of my mom, me and my Dad AllMight. Midnight, Who binch?

Celsius (Shouto) x Gale Force Stripper AU? Oh, hey, look I'm totally that one lucky guy who was in the right place at the right time, okay? I dont know these guys personally, OKAY? Not. At. All. But I have some Opinions™ about your fic? and pics to support it. Just wanna show you that maybe...i mean...MAAYYYYYYBEEEE...the stripper is Galeforce, not Celsius? Yeah? Don't worry though, You're doing good. Love the slow build, keep up the good work!

Deku becomes a sensational fic-writer-enabler and often gives inspiration to writers who are looking to write for a new fandom. Deku's got their backs.

He sinks so deep into this Shipping business that one day Katsuki catches wind of it. It was becoming painful to keep ignoring Deku's descent into madness. Katsuki was okay with it as long as the nerd did his job well and fucked him even better (which Katsuki will never admit to enjoying, even at gun point. Pull the trigger, you coward). So, yeah, Katsuki could have accepted all of Deku's weird stalkerish behaviours (even if they weren't fixated on him all the time anymore and the 'Kacchan, sugoi!' comments had plummeted drastically....who needs the shitnerd to validate his worth, right?! Right...it didn't make him pissed AT ALL. because admitting that would mean he enjoyed it, WHICH HE DID NOT, MIND YOU)

What Katsuki couldn't accept was Deku accidentally using his official Hero twitter handle to post a very platonic (but in the eyes of rabid fans- borderline homoerotic) pictures of him and Eijirou and posted it as #Ground_Riot. The fucking flood of Zeku-haters and pro-GroundRioters had the comments section on FIRE. The post goes VIRAL.

Deku, fucking DEKU, the man who is secretly ENGAGED to him, is promoting GroundRiot like NO ONE's business and HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID WRONG.

Katsuki finds Deku happily puttering around their shared apartment completely oblivious to the PR hell that has been licking at his heels. He immediately attacks Deku's account and is completely gobsmacked. Lo and fucking behold- every fifth picture in his blog is fucking GROUND RIOT.

Not just that, apparently, THIS MAN, his fucking FIANCE, is not only a renowned peacemaker in inane Ship wars, but is hailed as a Soothsayer of Ships for always correctly prophecizing "Ships that will Sail into the fucking Sunset', he is basically some minor god in the Hero fandom who is extorting excitement out of fic writers and fans alike so that 'the crime of incomplete fics' can be eradicated once and for all. And Deku's fucking commited to it.

(perhaps more commited to Ground Riot than his own betrothal because there isn't A SINGLE POST of ZEKU on his blog)

There's even a post where he answers an ask from anonymous. The question: "Are you also anti-Zeku? I have never seen you post anything related to that ship. Is it because you think it won't Sail?" And Deku answers shortly how he isn't explicitly Anti-Zeku, but doesn't like the idea of reading fanfics of that ship. He clearly witholds his opinion if the ship will sail or not. Katsuki also finds the chat which started all this shit.

Chat-

Hey! @allmight9000. I wanted to write a GroundRiot fic? Could you give me some inspiration?

Aww, sure! It's my favourite Ship tbh. I love GroundRiot. I have a whole gigabyte of inspirations in my laptop. I'll send you some when I get back home, okay?

Yup!!! I am actually a hardcore Zeku fan. But recently my friends got me into Ground Riot and I am addicted!! But Zeku will always have a special place in my heart <3

I see. :)

Do you wanna try it out? I know you mentioned you don't like it. But I know some REALLY good fics.

No thank you ^_^ I make it a point to not read those fics. I just can't visualize it working, you know?

Oh...np. Each to their own. But I really hope one day you try reading some if you can?

I don't think so ...😅...uh...but..Any preferences for your inspiration though? or genre youre interested in?

Fluffff!!

Haha, okay! Look out for the new post on my twitter!

YASSS!! Love ya!

You too!

Katsuki sees red, he's about to flip his shit when he decides to give Deku one LAST fucking chance to explain WHY THE FUCK is he promoting Ground Riot when he should be shipping Zeku and demands of him if he really wants their Fucking Ship To Sail Or Not.

Deku gets defensive and says of course he does. Katsuki asks why he has been trying to push him onto Eijirou all this time if he wasnt serious about it. Deku doesnt want to answer. Then Katsuki gets fruatrated and asks WHY the fuck didnt he post Zeku.

"Because I don't want to support it"

"We are literally fucking engaged, you moron. What the FUCK do you mean you don't support it?!"

"I support Us, Kacchan! I just don't wanna support Zeku-shippers! Those two things are different!"

"WHy dont you wanna support them?! tHere is No Difference!"

"There is! I am not obligated to do anything for you. But if I admit to shipping Zeku out loud to the shippers, then I'm obligated to post pictures of us and I know that if I start posting that then my blog will literally be a flood of just Us all over!!"

"What is WRONG with that?!!"

"WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED IN SECRET! NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW! you said it yourself! That you don't like the useless yapping of reporters about your love-life where it isn't their business!"

"YEAH? WELL FUCK THAT!"

And Katsuki whips out his phone, takes a selfie of french kissing the hell out of Deku and immediately posts in on his twitter. Deku has hardly reeled back from that intense kiss when he realizes what Katsuki has done and he practically explodes in shame.

"Kacchan!! Our secret!"

"Your fucking fault, Deku. If I have to deal with the shitty extras at all, it better be for the right Ship, you dumbass. I'll punt you straight to China if I hear Ground Riot from your mouth ever again...capiche?"

"But I like Ground Riot...It's a valid ship, Kacchan. You cant diss on it just like that. It has wonderful scope, and the fluff in this ship is AMAZING. I think I have a soft spot for Uke!GZ and Soft!GZ now... and it is a really mutually productive ship unlike- hrmff!", Katsuki shuts him up with a smack to his mouth and sheds his shirt.

"Shut your mouth and strip, shitnerd. I'll fuck the Ground Riot out of you. Also, let's make this fucking clear that if you mention ANYTHING that goes anywhere near Eijirou's dick,ass, balls or mouth", Katsuki shivers, "then I'll wreck your dick, ass, balls and mouth. Remember that. Now STRIP"

"But what about platonically? That's a solid ship, right? Right, Kacchan? Also It doesn't mention Eijirou's- fuck!!!"

Deku gets wrecked thoroughly.

(Let's observe one moment of silence for his Shipping ass 🙏)

(r.i.p. Deku)

Katsuki later asks him why Deku doesn't read Zeku fics either, cause pretending to not like it to weasel out of obligation is fine, but it doesn't explain why he refuses fo read any either.

"A fic, especially the ones that I like, always are these perfect little stories which always have a happy ending. Can't help it, I'm weak to it, Kacchan- it's why I read fics at all, you know? For the rush of happiness and feels! It's always written with the intention that it will be perfect! And it is. But it doesn't come close to the real thing. There can be fics out there that come really close to what we really have though - but I refuse to accept that any fic could be better than the imperfectly perfect things I have with you, Kacchan. No matter what anyone insists, what I have with you is perfect to me. You are perfect to me. And that's all that matters."

Katsuki calls him an incorrigible sap and turns away to hide a violent flush that turns him red like a stop sign.

Omake:

Katsuki's #Zeku goes Viral too. But at this point no one understands what is going on or WHY. Because GZ appears to be a Zeku shipper when Deku is a GroundRiot shipper. Confusion abounds. Zac Efron memes agonize over Both ships, Captain America Japan Civil War Memes make a comeback. And for some reason, Deku keeps posting Ground Riot afterwards too and everytime he does, the next day he is seen limping.

"Did you have a hardtime with Zero-san at training yesterday?"

Before Deku can answer the one who asks him that, Eijirou comes up, winks and answers in his stead, "Very hard", and runs away to Mina's side before Deku has a shame-filled meltdown.

(The Ground Riot thing stops only when Mina and Eijirou get finally married.)

#bakudeku #katsudeku #katsuki x izuku #ktdk #bkdk #deku the shipper #humour #social media shenanigans #headcanon #fic idea #fanfic idea #too many headcanons #holy crap this was such a shit hc #deku ships kiribaku

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