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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years

Note

My third and final prompt I promise: Wen Zhuliu. WEN ZHULIU. What if instead of being Wen Chao's babysitter/bodyguard he was a different young master's? Picturing him heaving a long suffering sigh at Huisang or Zixuan's antics is hilarious to me. I just want to see all the different interactions with the Core Melting Hand!

I apologize in advance for writing a fic that technically fulfils your prompt but also is...not quite about what you asked for

That Bitter Draught (ao3)

It wasn’t that Su She was entirely unaware of what he was like.

He was a man almost entirely consumed by bitterness and envy, his eyes so firmly fixed on what his neighbors had that he couldn’t appreciate the blessings in his own life. He was selfish and ungrateful, and hated the ones he admired the most, hated all of the ones who were better off than him, even the ones who pretended to be fair and equitable about it.

Especially those.

He’d been born to an ordinary family, not cultivators at all – a feeder family doing agriculture for the sake of the great Lan sect, who never much thought nor cared about where their vegetables came from. He waded knee-deep through the muck and the mire for the first six years of his life before some passing Lan cultivator had discovered he had a bit of potential, and next thing he knew his parents had handed him off to be someone’s servant, taking him away from everyone he’d ever known – from his parents and his animals and his siblings and his brother – and he was supposed to be grateful for it.

There wasn’t anything wrong with being a servant, Su She supposed. It was a livelihood like anyone else’s, and maybe he wouldn’t be so bitter about it if he’d stayed that way, the way he was supposed to, as a servant with just enough skill at cultivating to not disturb the tranquil and thoughtful atmosphere of the Cloud Recesses as he rushed around doing all the things that were necessary.

(The Cloud Recesses – so pretty and clean and pure, except there was muck here, too, and no amount of pretending by the sect disciples that their shit didn’t stink the way everyone else’s did would change that.)

Maybe Su She would have been fine with being a servant, though he suspected he wouldn’t – in the darkness of the middle of the night he sometimes thought that his ability to be content had been taken away when he had, that the black gaping hole in his heart that had once held his family would always be a yawning pit that always wanted more than he had, forever incapable of getting the one thing that would fill it up again – but he didn’t stay that way.

No, see, Su She was good at cultivating. He was really good - not quite a genius, but his hard work paid off and he got better and better at what he was doing even though they barely gave him any time to do it in.

After all, someone had to make sure that everything was ready for the sect disciples when they woke up at the start of the mao hour, and that meant he had to be hard at work by yin, and of course the fact that they went to sleep at the end of the xu hour only meant that his work stretched well into hai, but despite all the disadvantages they loaded him down with he cultivated like a madman at every free hour, squeezing it in between work and even more degrading work. He got better and better and better, and eventually, finally, someone noticed him again.

This time they made him a disciple.

They expected him to be grateful for that, too. As if he hadn’t bought the chance with his own sweat and tears and blood, and all to be one of the blessed ones, one of the lucky ones, one of the ones who could – if they were meritorious enough – get a pass to leave the sect to go where they liked.

(Moling was too far to reach by foot, not even for the New Year, and he didn’t make enough money to buy a horse. But once he had a sword, gifted to him from the sect, once he could fly – once he was old enough – once he was trusted enough –)

Being a disciple meant that he woke up at mao hour and went to sleep at xu, that his chamber-pot disappeared in the morning as if by magic, that his food was brought to his table instead of being stuffed into his mouth in the crowded staff room right off the kitchen in the brief reprieves he had between duties…all things he had to adjust to, things that were strange and felt almost unnatural.

Now that he was a disciple, he had all the same rights as all the others, the ones who had been born to it instead of raised up from a lower level for it.

It was supposed to mean that they were all equal, all Lan disciples the same, except that all the arrogant young masters looked down their noses at the former servant who’d stepped above his station. They ridiculed him for it: for being ambitious, for being envious, for thinking too highly of himself, for not knowing the things they’d had a chance to learn and he hadn’t, for smelling like the shit no matter how clean he kept his clothing or how much he washed.

Equal – hah!

The worst, though…the worst was the Twin Jades.

Lan Xichen was powerful, yet kind and generous to the point of selflessness, a proper gentleman; Lan Wangji, equally gifted, always did the right thing, no matter the circumstances, his expression solemn and serious, his reputation famous for his righteousness.

Su She hated them. He wanted to be them, wanted to be Lan Wangji so bad it made his blood boil, but he also hated them – hated him.

The Twin Jades. They didn’t deserve to be called that, not with the three year age difference between them and at least four points of difference on their face, if you were looking; not when Su She’s brother had been born so soon before him that he’d been born clutching his ankle as they left the womb together. Not when the only difference, the only difference, between them was that fucking Lan cultivator’s comment that he only had enough room in his cart to take one of them with him.

A servant, even with cultivation potential, was worth less than a bag of bok choy meant to serve as a side dish on a trueborn Lan disciple’s plate, and so his brother was stuck in the muck back at home while Su She fought his way through the muck that was the Lan sect’s glorious principles and discipline.

He didn’t even know for sure if his brother was still alive.

Oh, Su She had the sect’s permission to write them letters, but what would it help? No one in his village could read, he certainly hadn’t been able to before he’d been forcefully taught so that Lan sect elders could pass him notes instead of condescending enough to speak to him, and the cost of paying a scholar to read it to them would be a waste of the money he faithfully sent them out of his wages every month.

So yes, Su She was bitter. Su She hated. Su She envied, and envied Lan Wangji most of all. After all, he was handsome, but not as handsome; he was talented, but not as talented; he was smart, but not as smart; he was powerful, but not as powerful; he was a twin, but no one cared about him and his brother the way they cared about Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen – Lan Wangji, who got to have his older brother with him any time he liked, but spent the entire time standing there stone-faced and driving him away.

And, of course, Lan Wangji also had – him.

Yu Zhuliu was the sort of guest disciple that was really a servant and not a proper Lan disciple, although his cultivation was high enough to rank alongside some of the shining stars of the Lan sect – even more so than most, given his cultivation of the unique ability that had made him renowned throughout the cultivation world as the Core Melting Hand. It was only that he had been too old, at the time the Lan sect had rescued him from some misfortune that Su She had never heard specified, to learn their ways properly, and for some reason the elders resisted allowing him into the sect properly.

Perhaps it was because he was what was termed an ‘inconvenient child’ of Meishan Yu, the bastard child of a daughter of the clan; a liability that could neither be killed nor kept.

Perhaps it was because his ability was truly too terrifying, attacking as it did the golden core that all cultivators strove so hard and so long to form.

Or perhaps it was simply that he made a very convenient servant.

Yu Zhuliu was, to put a point on it, Lan Wangji’s servant, acting as both bodyguard and attendant.

He was a deputy to help Lan Wangji with whatever he needed, big or small. The Lan sect prided itself on discipline and humility, but only to a certain extent – only to the extent it looked good or was pure – and of course they were desperate to keep their precious young jade safe from the growing predations of Qishan Wen; it was not so strange that they assigned him a bodyguard, and of course if he was already doing that he might as well do the rest.

After all, who could expect a proper young gentleman to care for himself?

Su She hadn’t taken much notice of Yu Zhuliu at first, other than a brief stabbing feeling of pity when he heard of the man’s circumstances. But then one day he’d noticed him rolling his eyes as Lan Wangji stiffly recited the rules in advance of yet another punishment he was inflicting over something minor – no one loved the rules as much as Lan Wangji did. There was a reason nobody talked to him, perfect disciple that he was, and of course unlike the lowly Su She who, despite himself, longed for the company and recognition of his peers, Lan Wangji rose above it all, was above it all. And while no one could claim that his distribution of punishments wasn’t as fair and equitable as might be asked, it was evident to Su She that he only did it that way because it was the subject of yet another rule.

But no one ever seem to notice or care, no one ever thought it as stupid as Su She did, right up until that moment when he’d seen Yu Zhuliu making a long-suffering face like that where Lan Wangji couldn’t see, and Su She couldn’t help but smile a little, heart suddenly warm with a feeling of fellowship.

Yu Zhuliu had seen him smiling, caught his eyes, and rolled his eyes again, this time more pointedly – a gesture aimed just at him, a shared joke – and that was it; Su She was lost.

Su She was in Lan Wangji’s age group, even if they weren’t close (no one was close to Lan Wangji), so it wasn’t hard to find time to go over and talk to Yu Zhuliu.

The conversations were mostly one-sided to start with, which Su She had expected. Yu Zhuliu was a reserved man, and of course there was always that master-servant divide lying between them like a gulf. Still, Su She had been a servant once, which Yu Zhuliu knew – everyone knew – and in time Su She got him to ease up a little, talk back, commiserate.

Su She told him about his family, the little he remembered of them after all these years; in return, Yu Zhuliu unbent enough to tell him a little about his own background: the mother that hated him as the living sign of her disgrace, the constant accusations that he didn’t deserve to bear the Yu surname.

“Have you ever considered changing it?” Su She asked, helping him fold Lan Wangji’s laundry. It wasn’t something he’d ever have permitted himself to do under other circumstances, knowing how important it was to distance himself from all things relating to servants, but he was willing to make some compromises if it meant getting to spend a little more time with Yu Zhuliu. “Obviously if you want to keep it, it’s yours; they can’t deprive you of your birthright like that. But it doesn’t seem like you particularly want it.”

Yu Zhuliu was quiet for a long moment. “Once,” he said, his eyes distant. “I considered it once, before I joined the Lan sect. I wasn’t yet sure who had been the one to – well. Suffice it to say that I was seriously considering an offer I had received to join a different sect, and they offered to allow me to adopt the main clan’s surname as my own if I performed well.”

Su She shuddered in automatic revulsion at the thought.

Yu Zhuliu saw it, of course, and chuckled. “It would have been a great honor,” he reminded him. “Especially for someone like me – to be able to shed my old name would have been enough, but to replace it with a name that was even more powerful..?”

“Gratifying,” Su She agreed, a little begrudgingly. The idea of giving away his identity like that, giving in to the arrogant young masters’ lies that they were better than him just because they had a fancier surname, revolted him, but he could, he supposed, see a little of the spiteful appeal of it. “Like – stamping on their faces with it, showing them what they’ve lost.”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you take that offer, then?” They both knew the Lan sect would never in a million years extend a similar offer, even though there were plenty of branch families surnamed Lan and another one more or less wouldn’t much matter. It wasn’t proper, though, and no one cared more about propriety than the Lan sect. “With the clan surname, they would have had to make you a proper disciple.”

Su She would never agree to such an offer himself. He might want, in the darkest parts of his heart, to be Lan Wangjii, to be something better than he was, might occasionally daydream of what his life might have been life if they’d been born swapped in place, but he didn’t – he wouldn’t sell his surname for it.

(He wouldn’t sell his brother for it, even if all he had of his brother was a surname and some swiftly fading memories.)

But Yu Zhuliu hated his surname and all it represented. He wasn’t like Su She, always thinking of the past and the might-have-beens and growing fat on all his resentment and grievances; if Yu Zhuliu could shed his skin like a cicada, emerge somewhere else a brand-new person, he would do it in a heartbeat.

“It was the Lan sect that saved me,” he said simply. “And so I owed it to them to come here, no matter what the Wen sect offered me.”

The Wen sect. Wow. That was sure some offer to turn down; they commanded the loyalty of over a third of the smaller sects, maybe even close to half, and Yu Zhuliu could have gotten their surname.

Of course, the Wen sect offered that out much more readily than other sects did, but still.

On the other hand, if Yu Zhuliu had accepted, if he’d become Wen Zhuliu, then Su She would never have had the chance to meet him, or would have only met him under bad circumstances.

Maybe he wouldn’t have liked Wen Zhuliu that much at all.

“Your loyalty is admirable,” he finally said, after wracking his brain for something appropriately neutral to say.

That got him another chuckle. “Did you know that lies make you look like you’ve tasted something sour?”

“I,” Su She said with dignity, “am a great liar. You just haven’t noticed it yet.”

Yu Zhuliu was silent for a moment, maybe reviewing things he knew about Su She. “I suppose you probably are,” he said thoughtfully. “Which means it’s the Lan sect that you don’t like.”

Su She shrugged. “I don’t think I’d like any sect,” he confessed, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

Yu Zhuliu’s overwhelming trait was his loyalty, after all – he’d sell Su She out in a heartbeat if he thought the Lan sect deemed it necessary. Su She was mostly just counting on being so pointless and insignificant that Yu Zhuliu wouldn’t think it was worth telling anyone about him.

It probably wasn’t, either. Why would the Lan sect care about someone like Su She one way or another? He wasn’t anything to them, not really; even as a disciple, his only purpose was to act as an adornment, to bring honor and glory that would reflect upwards onto the great clan surnamed Lan.

“Why?” Yu Zhuliu asked. He sounded honestly curious – honestly interested, interested in Su She for something other than being an extra body in a formation or another cannon fodder to throw to the dogs when a night-hunt went badly.

Su She wanted to tell him everything.

But Yu Zhuliu was loyal, always loyal, and Su She may not be as smart as Lan Wangji but he wasn’t stupid.

“They’re all the same in the end, full of arrogant young masters,” he said breezily. “I mean, did you see the group of disasters at Teacher Lan’s lectures?”

Perhaps that was a harsh assessment, but he’d humiliated himself in front of them all on that night-hunt that went wrong against the Waterborne Abyss, with his still-shaky control over his sword, trying as always to live up to Lan Wangji’s example the way they kept always telling him he should and then being looked down upon as an idiot for even trying – why would he do something so stupid obviously he can never match Lan Wangji always aiming above his station and thinks too highly of himself still a servant after all obviously he’ll never be good enough – and the mere thought of them tasted like bile and hatred in his mouth.

“The head disciple from the Jiang sect seemed fairly smart,” Yu Zhuliu said, and Su She scoffed.

“He’s very smart, very smart indeed,” he said scathingly. “So smart that he’s forgotten who he is and where he came from. Eventually someone’s going to remember that he’s a servant’s son, not a proper young master at all, and he’ll pay for it in blood and tears – if he’s lucky.”

“Do you think so?”

“The Jiang heir has an inferiority complex as deep as the ocean –” Su She knew what one looked like; after all, he saw one every day in the mirror. “– and eventually the time will come when he has to be sect leader in his father’s place. On that day, all those pretty words about how wonderful Wei Wuxian is, how smart, how talented, what a credit to his sect, they’ll all fall onto Jiang Wanyin’s ears like a lash on his back. And when the time comes that he has to sacrifice something, well, we’ll see how much being smart helps Wei Wuxian then.”

“An interesting perspective,” Yu Zhuliu remarked.

“An accurate one,” Su She retorted. “He was raised as a proper young master, not a servant, and so he won’t even know to see the danger when it comes. None of them would.”

“No, I suppose not. It’s always the things you don’t know you don’t know that can harm you the most.” Yu Zhuliu straightened up – the laundry was done; they’d finished it ages ago. “We will have to continue this discussion another time, Su-gongzi –”

“Su She, please. Su Minshan, if you must.”

“Su Minshan, then. I look forward to speaking with you again.”

When Yu Zhuliu let, Su She hugged himself in glee, allowing himself a moment of triumph at a successful conversation with the person he liked, then went to wash himself clean again. He wasn’t dirty, and it was the middle of the day, but he wanted to make sure no one could smell the bleaching herbs they put in the laundry on him. He didn’t want to risk any more mockery, and anyway, it had gotten to be a habit.

As he went to the baths, he saw Lan Wangji standing on a nearby pathway, looking up at the sky as if deep in thought. He must be on his rounds again, even though it wasn’t his day for it, or even the right time; he’d taken to haunting the routine work of it as if it were the only thing keeping him grounded.

Whatever. It wasn’t Su She’s business.

Except maybe it was, because Lan Wangji kept – looking at him, over the next few days. Which was weird, because Lan Wangji never looked at anybody, his nose firmly stuck up in the sky where mortals dared not tread, and it was starting to make Su She nervous.

Surely Lan Wangji couldn’t tell – about him. He’d never been able to before, why would he start now?

And yet…what if he could?

What if Lan Wangji had figured him out? Figured out Su She’s rebellious heart, how he wasn’t grateful at all not matter nice a face he put on, how he hated the stupid Lan sect rules and the stupid Lan sect disciples and the stupid Lan sect arrogance, how he secretly schemed to learn everything he could and transcribe everything he couldn’t memorize so that he could take it back home to Moling one day and show his brother everything he’d learned, how he despised them all for their arrogance –

“Will you be attending the archery competition?” Lan Wangji asked stiffly. He did everything stiffy, like he was actually a statute carved out of jade and only just pretending to be human. “At the Nightless City?”

“Naturally,” Su She said, not bothering to look up from the verses he was copying. Not the most polite, not as kiss-ass as he ought to be when faced with the glory that was the second jade of the Lan sect, but he’d found that as long as he kept his tone as formal and humble as possible, he could get away with a little. “It may be nothing like yours, Lan-er-gongzi, but I do have some skill at it, you know.”

Not that most people thought so. They would be travelling to Qishan in three groups, for easier and more secure travel – one for the adults, one led by the Twin Jades to represent the shining hope of their sect, and the last of everyone else making up the numbers. He was in the last group, of course, even though his talent for musical cultivation was one of the strongest in the junior generation and his swordplay good enough to only lose to Lan Wangji three times out of every five – better results than a good half of the group of well-born Lan clansman being sent out as the representatives of their sect.

Was he bitter about it? Yes.

Lan Wangji hesitated for a long moment, and even shifted from one leg to the other – a sign of nervousness in most people, maybe. In Lan Wangji? Who even knew.

After a while, he said, “My group has an extra place,” sounding almost like it was an offer, and the entire thing was so bizarre that Su She immediately became suspicious.

“What do you want?” he asked.

Lan Wangji blinked at him.

“He who is unaccountably solicitous is hiding bad intentions, Lan-er-gongzi,” Su She clarified, glaring up at him and unable to keep his mouth from twisting as though he’d bitten something sour. He knew he often looked like that, and it made the female cultivators downrate his handsomeness, but he’d been the subject of too many jokes to stop himself from being so bitterly defensive. “You don’t know me, you don’t like me, and you don’t go out of your way to offer a better place to anyone, even if there’s no official rule against it. So what is it you want?”

Lan Wangji shook his head.

“If you don’t want anything, why offer?” Su She sneered. It would be just like Lan Wangji to have decided to recognize a promising disciple that deserve a chance to shine – he was perfect like that, after all, always thinking of others, always a true gentleman. Well, Su She had endured a lifetime of being seen as promising by gentlemen, being recognized as a talent without once being thought of as a person, having to humiliate himself in front of them like a dancing monkey and worst of all of having to be grateful to them for allowing him to do it, and he was sick and tired of swallowing down that bitter draught.

He didn’t need the better spot, not this time – he would be going one way or the other – and he wasn’t willing to give Lan Wangji of all people the satisfaction of doing him a favor he didn’t even want.

Lan Wangji shifted from one side to the other again, waiting a long time before he spoke again. Maybe it was nervousness.

“Yu Zhuliu is in my party,” he finally said.

At first Su She didn’t understand the point Lan Wangji was making, terse and oblique as the other man habitually was, and then he understood it far too well.

He saw red.

“What business is that of yours?” he shouted, dropping his brush and jumping to his feet, forgetting all of his good intentions to try to keep his head down and his tone at least plausibly polite. “So what if I spend some time with him when he’s free? Not every waking hour of his is yours!”

Lan Wangji’s eyes darted from side to side. “No,” he said. “I didn’t mean –”

“You didn’t mean what?!”

“You like him.” A meaningful pause. “Very much.”

“Yes, I do,” Su She said, his cheeks flushed red. “So what? So I cut my sleeve sometimes, big deal. It’s not against any of your stupid rules – every attempt to introduce such a restriction formally has been rejected, I checked. This isn’t something you can punish me for!”

He could, of course. No one would question Lan Wangji issuing yet another punishment – he could say it was due to Su She’s noise, no shouting in the Cloud Recesses – and of course not every type of punishment was the sort that got meted out in the Punishment Hall. There were other types, more insidious – isolation, ostracization, missing out on opportunities for advancement, resources…even merely sentencing him to write lines could be used to deny him his coveted spot at the Nightless City.

Lan Wangji wouldn’t do that, though.

Somehow that just made Su She angrier. Who told Lan Wangji to be so fucking perfect?

“You can add it to your list of achievements,” he adds bitterly. “Everyone knows you’re better than me - better at manners, better at cultivation, better at everything, and now better in this way, too, because I’m a cutsleeve and you’re not –”

Lan Wangji flinched.

Su She’s jaw dropped in shock. “You are?”

Lan Wangji’s features weren’t exactly easy to ready for anyone except Lan Xichen, but at the moment it was plain enough that even Su She could figure out that he was miserable.

“For who?!” A terrible thought slipped into his mind. “It had better not be Yu Zhuliu!”

“No!” Lan Wangji said hastily. “No – no. Not at all.”

“Good,” Su She said fiercely. “Because he’s mine. Or, well, not mine, we haven’t agreed on anything, I haven’t even said anything, but I’m trying and – well, it doesn’t matter. You know what I mean.”

He wasn’t actually sure Lan Wangji did. He wasn’t sure he knew what he meant.

But Lan Wangji nodded, as if his confused rambling had been as clear as a Lan sect rule.

“I thought you might like to spend more time with him,” he said, and – oh. His offer. The Nightless City.

“…I would,” Su She said begrudgingly. “Thanks.”

For Yu Zhuliu, he’d even put up Lan Wangji’s charity.

“Who is it for you, anyway?” he asked, unable to resist and wanting to take advantage of this strange intimacy, this momentary breach of etiquette undoubtedly never to be repeated, but Lan Wangji shook his head, refusing to share. “Fine. Have it your way.”

It wasn’t that he cared, anyway.

Not about Lan Wangji’s mysterious lover, and not about Lan Wangji himself – this wasn’t a charming little flaw that made the whole seem more relatable, wasn’t something that generated fellow feeling, the way Yu Zhuliu’s gentle mockery had. So what if both of them were secretly cutsleeves in a sect that most assuredly did not approve of such things? That didn’t mean anything. It didn’t give them anything in common. They still weren’t the same, not at all, not with Lan Wangji was nobly bearing the burden of it while Su She had given in to temptation almost at once…

No, this was just more of the same.

More of Lan Wangji being, despite all of Su She’s efforts to the contrary, Su She’s idol, his ideal. The person who he hated most because he envied him the most, the person who made him hate himself as being nothing but the lesser copy, the person he despised for making him sometimes feel as if maybe Lan Wangji’s better birth really did entitle him to be better.

So no. He didn’t care.

(It wasn’t that Lan Wangji had seen him, recognized him as something the same. As a person, worthy of recognition, even if not of respect. It wasn’t.)

Maybe he cared a little bit.

He must have cared, or else he would have just run away when the Wen sect descended on the Lan sect with flame and sword instead of being a stupid idiot and going to look for him.

(He told himself it was because Yu Zhuliu would undoubtedly be wherever Lan Wangji was, and it was a pretty decent lie, except that he went to the Library Pavilion and Yu Zhuliu wasn’t there. So he told himself that Yu Zhuliu would have wanted him to protect Lan Wangji, and that lie worked better.)

Of course, once he got there, the stupid noble gentlemanly fucker wouldn’t even listen to him and run.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the important one?” Su She bellowed. This was clearly not the time for manners, and anyway Lan Wangji had already seen beneath his mask once; another time wouldn’t hurt. “Yu Zhuliu’s out there fighting to keep you alive and you’re wasting all his efforts, you’re just standing here, waiting for them to come get you –”

“It is necessary,” Lan Wangji said, solemn as ever. “Someone must keep their attention here, instead of following my brother.”

“Oh fuck you,” Su She said, and took out his sword. Lan Wangji just had to play the fucking brother card, didn’t he?

Yu Zhuliu would want me to do this, he told himself as he tried to fight. He was pretty decent, but he was just a disciple, not a soldier, and as a Lan sect disciple he’d never killed anything before. After a while, he ended up shouting for Lan Wangji to throw him his guqin – the one Su She favored was rented from the sect, lacking as he did the money to purchase her in full, and so he didn’t have it with him – and he attacked with that instead for a while, being better at music than he was at the sword.

The lash of his music was less powerful than Lan Wangji’s single-note waves of power, but Su She was also sneakier about it, and a few unexpected distractions during a battle were much more helpful to Lan Wangji’s defense than any amount of getting himself killed waving a sword around would have.

In the end, unsurprisingly, they were defeated. Su She ended up surrendering in fairly dramatic manner, knowing that the Wen sect might preserve Lan Wangji’s life as a useful hostage but that they couldn’t give a damn about his own and, as always, humiliation was the path to survival; he bet Lan Wangji was already judging him for it, for his weakness, for how pathetic he was when he was sniveling at Wen Xu’s feet as they beat him black and blue to make a point to Lan Wangji, but he didn’t care because he bowed his head and lived while the disciple next to him that didn’t died.

Lan Wangji didn’t bow his head either, but they just broke his leg before throwing them both in a carriage headed to the Nightless City.

The worst of it was, he didn’t even have Yu Zhuliu around to comfort him.

“I ordered him to go with my brother,” Lan Wangji said in belated explanation. “To protect him.”

“You could have said,” Su She said, curled up in the corner of the carriage and feeling sick to his stomach. He should have just run away. He could be in Moling right now if he’d just run away, and who would have known? Of course, then he would have to have left behind all the things he’d prepared, and Yu Zhuliu, too… “Maybe I’d rather have been on that team. Why’d he run, anyway? I bet he had a great reason.”

“He took the key books of our sect –”

Su She rolled his eyes. Of course there was a good nice selfless noble reason for Lan Xichen having fled, leaving his younger brother behind as a sacrifice to cover his tracks – proper young masters never did anything without one of those. It was like they thought that admitting that they were afraid for their lives would be worse than actually dying.

“He took what he could,” Lan Wangji said, his eyes cast down. He wasn’t really talking to Su She. “But so much was still lost.”

Su She thought about all the copies of the books he’d been making, all the knowledge he’d been slowly siphoning away over the course of years, and how they were hidden far away from the main buildings of the Lan sect. He’d probably have more than they did, when this was all said and done, assuming he survived. Wouldn’t that just drive them all up the wall? All those stiff smug elders who thought they were better than him would have to come and beg him to give them the books –

Lan Wangji would, too. Those books were probably his only friends, just as they were Su She’s.

“…maybe not all lost,” he said begrudgingly, and curled up tighter, cursing himself as an idiot.

He might be feeling all warm and fuzzy towards Lan Wangji over something as stupid as a single moment of shared misery, but just because he had feelings about it didn’t mean Lan Wangji did. More than likely, when it came down to it, Lan Wangji would put aside all his noble manners and sell Su She out in a heartbeat, and probably not even count it as a betrayal. After all, in the end, Su She was still just a servant that had temporarily made good, still just cannon fodder, meant to be used and sacrificed for the sake of his better-born master.

At least Lan Wangji had probably given up on expecting him to be grateful about it, given the despicable personality he’d already seen Su She display.

It irritated him how much that mattered.

“There’s always copies, after all,” he added. “And before you say anything, I know it’s not the same as having the original, but it’s worth something, isn’t it?”

He was worth something, even if he was only Lan Wangji’s copy.

“That’s true,” Lan Wangji said. He was quiet for a long while after that, long enough that Su She started seriously considering going to sleep because unconsciousness was preferable to worrying about what was going to happen to them once they got to the Nightless City, and then he said, “You are unhappy.”

Su She turned to goggle at him. “Of course I’m unhappy! The Cloud Recesses was lit on fire, we’re prisoners, we’re probably going to die painfully –”

“Not now. Before.” A pause. “With the sect.”

Su She shut his mouth and glared suspiciously.

“I won’t say anything,” Lan Wangji promised. “I only want to know.”

Su She shook his head stubbornly. “You won’t understand,” he said, a little helplessly, when Lan Wangji continued to look at him, wanting an explanation. “It’s not – something you would understand. You’ve always had everything, all your life.”

Lan Wangji frowned a little, clearly thinking it over, clearly taking it seriously, and for a moment there Su She kind of hated Yu Zhuliu for making him actually like Lan Wangji a little bit. “Not – everything,” he finally said. “My family…”

He trailed off, probably thinking about where they were now. A father locked away in seclusion was different from one on the verge of death; a missing brother, an injured uncle…

Su She huffed and turned his head away, refusing to feel sympathetic. “At least you had them,” he said bitterly. “I haven’t seen my family since they sold me to your sect, and at this point I’m too scared to go visit them.”

“…the Lan sect does not keep slaves.”

“No, of course not,” Su She said. “You just offer people more money than they’ve ever seen in their lives if they’ll hand over their six-year-old son to be properly trained as a servant, because it’s better to get them while they’re young – teach them to be quiet and inobtrusive and grateful for how much better it is to spend their life cleaning up the shit that sticks to your boots. And the worst part is, you are grateful for it, no matter how bad it is, no matter how much you miss your home or your family or your brother, because the buyer could have picked him instead of you and then you’d be the one stuck on some farm somewhere doing nothing with your life, just waiting to see if he’ll come back one day.”

The difference with Su She was that he’d figured out pretty quick that going back wasn’t enough.

When he’d realized how important it was to cultivate a golden core at a young age, he’d saved up every bit of money he could on top of what he sent his family every month, volunteered for every job that paid and even bit his tongue and took out extravagant loans from the sect that he would be paying off for years to come, and he’d hired a rogue cultivator to go teach his brother the basics of cultivation.

He hoped that was enough to make up for all the years he’d been gone, even though he doubted it; he wouldn’t think it was enough, himself, and surely his brother was like him. He was still too young to go outside the sect by himself – he would have to apply for a token, and agree to take someone with him, and he didn’t want to take anyone with him except maybe Yu Zhuliu, who wasn’t an option.

He didn’t want anyone to know if his return home went as badly as he feared it would. If his brother turned out to be as bitter as he was, and turned that bitterness against him –

“You have a brother?” Lan Wangji asked, because of course he’d noticed the important part.

“A twin,” Su She whispered, and turned his face away.

They did not speak again until the Nightless City, and even then it was limited to necessary things, neither of them wanting to risk the fury of their Wen sect guards. After a while, it was announced that the Wen sect would be holding a camp for all young masters, meant to indoctrinate them into righteous conduct, and that they would be attending whether they wanted to or not. They had probably assumed that Su She was well-born because of the fine clothing and fancy hairpiece he wore, and never knew that they were loaned to him by a sect that liked to surround itself with pretty things even if it had to pay for the clothing itself, and Su She had never been happier to be counted among his supposed peers.

Still, when the indoctrination camp began, and Wen Chao – accompanied by three bodyguards at all times, because he was even more of an arrogant snot than even Su She had previously imagined an arrogant young master could be – began lording it over them all, Su She drifted over to Lan Wangji’s side again.

Mostly because no one else would, other than maybe that troublemaker from Yunmeng, Wei Wuxian.

“I know some curses,” he told Lan Wangji, pretending to be casual about it as if he hadn’t accused Lan Wangji’s sect of various awful things. “Really nasty ones. Want me to try one on Wen Chao? I can be subtle.”

“He’d figure out it was you when he checked us all for the inevitable backlash marks,” Wei Wuxian put in. “Then he’d just kill you to get rid of it. Stupid idea.”

“Depends on how quick-acting the curse was,” Su She said peevishly. He hadn’t even been talking to Wei Wuxian, and he hadn’t forgotten who it was that had charged in like a hero from a play to rescue him when he’d overreached himself fighting the Waterborne Abyss even if he doubted Wei Wuxian remembered him in return. “Also, why are you even here? Shouldn’t you be off somewhere drawing fire onto the Jiang sect?”

“What? No,” Wei Wuxian said. “I’m not –”

“I mean, I certainly can’t think of any other reasons for your actions, Wei-gongzi,” Su She said, his voice set at its most simpering. It wasn’t like there were any Lan sect elders here to punish him for being disrespectful, after all, and he figured that helping defend the Library Pavilion with Lan Wangji probably earned him a little space to be himself for once. “Aggravating Wen-gonzi, making light of everything, galivanting around flirting with girls – one might almost feel as if you’re on vacation. Surely your Jiang sect will not have to pay for any of that, politically speaking; it’s not as if the Wen sect thinks of them as one of their greatest rivals and is looking for any chance to cut them down…but no, surely it’s my misunderstanding. I’m sure Wei-gongzi has a thoughtful plan, being such a good servant to his sect.”

Wei Wuxian frowned at him. “But that’s not what I’m doing,” he said, but his voice came out a little weaker this time. “That’s not it at all, I was just…hm. Hey, Jiang Cheng! Jiang Cheng, I have a question for you…”

Su She watched him leave with satisfaction, then turned back to Lan Wangji, who was looking at him again.

“Why do you dislike him?” he asked before Su She could change the subject.

“I don’t dislike him,” Su She said. “I envy him, sometimes. The rest of the time, I pity him.”

“You think Jiang Wanyin will cast him aside, one day,” Lan Wangji said, and Su She thought back to that conversation he’d had with Yu Zhuliu. Lan Wangji had clearly heard more of it than he’d let on.

“Well, yes,” he conceded, because he did. He’d seen how close they were, which was only going to make it worse for them both when it inevitably happened.

“Would you tell me why? In your own words?”

Su She frowned at Lan Wangji, who raised his hands as if in surrender. “Please.”

Well, if he was going to ask nicely…

Su She decided to pretend that he was talking to Yu Zhuliu.

“Fine. You want my opinion? Whoever raised Wei Wuxian ruined him,” he said bluntly. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but he doesn’t act like a servant – he doesn’t even act like a second son. He acts like a master. He acts like he’s the next heir to the Jiang sect, not Jiang Wanyin; you’ve seen how he’s always bossing him around and refusing to listen to him even when he tells him to behave.”

“He’s his shixiong,” Lan Wangji objected, but mildly.

“For now. Do you really think Wei Wuxian’s going to suddenly learn how to be obedient the second Jiang Wanyin gets instated as sect leader? Or do you think he’ll continue to run rampant, doing just as he likes the way he always has, with Jiang Wanyin bending to his every whim the way he always has? What do you think the cultivation world will think of that?”

Lan Wangji was frowning deeper now, thoughtful.

“The cultivation world isn’t kind to servants who forget their place. If he keeps acting the way he has been, the time will come when he does something so outrages that Jiang Wanyin will have no choice but to throw him away,” Su She concluded. “A servant’s son, however precious, is nothing when weighed against the duty owed to the sect inherited by your ancestors. I mean, even your brother put that first and foremost, and he’s your blood.”

“…I agreed with Brother’s decision.”

“Sure. But did he ask you first?”

Lan Wangji remained quiet.

“If it makes you feel better, there’s always a chance that it won’t become an issue,” Su She continued, mostly to avoid having to listen to Lan Wangji’s injured sort of silence. “Maybe they’ll luck out and instead something will happen to remind Wei Wuxian that he’s a servant and that his job is to throw himself into the abyss to save Jiang Wanyin, probably without even getting thanked for it.”

Lan Wangji looked at him sidelong. After a long few moments of contemplation – Su She really couldn’t stand the way Lan Wangji looked at him, as if he was trying to figure out an interesting puzzle, but he also couldn’t get enough of it, it was horrible – he said, “It will not be that way, with Yu Zhuliu.”

Caught, Su She glared at him.

“How would you solve it?” Lan Wangji asked.

“What?”

“You were a servant, once,” Lan Wangji pointed out. “You are no Yu Zhuliu, no Wei Wuxian, to sacrifice yourself for the Lan sect, and it pains you to pretend to humble yourself before us. What is your solution? You are too clever not to have one.”

Su She wrapped his arms around himself, wishing he didn’t enjoy being called clever as much as he did. It didn’t sound condescending when Lan Wangji said it, the way it did when the Lan sect’s teachers did – like praising a well-performing pet that they’d raised themselves, patting themselves on the back for doing such a good job in training him. He sounded almost as if he resented Su She for being smart enough to see the messy contradiction that was Wei Wuxian’s life, and for being the only person he could ask to shed some light on the subject.

Su She didn’t mind resentment, not even aimed at him. On the contrary, it made it feel real.

Why wouldn’t Lan Wangji resent having to respect someone like him?

“I’m leaving, eventually,” he confessed. “I’m going to start my own sect, or try, anyway, if I can get the money for it from somewhere. Back at home in Moling. Maybe, if I’m very lucky, I’ll be able to convince Yu Zhuliu to come with me, notwithstanding the stupid debt of loyalty he feels he owes your sect.”

Lan Wangji looked contemplative again, surprised but not displeased, as if Su She had suggested something he’d never even considered possible. “What cultivation style will you use?”

“Yours, of course,” Su She said, rolling his eyes at him. “What am I supposed to do, come up with a new one of my own? In what free time, exactly?”

“People will say you’re copying the Lan sect.”

“People have said I’m a copy all my life,” Su She pointed out. “Let the cultivation world sneer and the Lan sect break its rule against gossiping to look down their noses at me – I’ll still be sitting by myself as a sect leader in my own right while they’re just disciples. I’ll make my own rules, admit anyone into the sect that I want, and that’ll be worth all of their disdain.”

He hoped it would be, anyway. He suspected he’d end up being bitter about it, but then again he was always bitter, and anyway, what could he do about it?

If life had taught him one thing, it was that there was no way to make people stop talking, stop mocking, because no matter if he took three baths a day and scrubbed until the blood ran red he would still underneath it all be a servant, a farmer’s son. But he was more than that, he knew he was more than that, and the only alternative – to stay in the Lan sect as a second-class barely-better-than-a-servant for the rest of his life – just wasn’t tolerable.

He’d do what he could and figure out the rest when he came to it.

“You think Wei Wuxian will do the same?”

“Probably?” Su She said and shrugged. “I mean, he has the reputation for being an unorthodox genius, so maybe he’ll come up with his own cultivation style to go with it – you can do things like that when you’re rich and have the time – but as for whether he will form a new sect…how would I know? Maybe he’ll go be a rogue cultivator instead, the way his father did when he got tired of being stuck in the Jiang sect’s shadow. Depends on how many people go with him.”

Lan Wangji hummed thoughtfully. “A rogue cultivator has only to concern himself with his own wellbeing,” he said slowly, as if feeling something out. “A sect – with others.”

“I mean, you could try to take a family around as a rogue cultivator, but I think Wei Wuxian is a walking illustration of why you don’t do that.”

A small flinch. Why were all these well-born sons of the nobility so delicate? It was only loss.

“But you are certain he will go.”

“Well, yes. Either he figures out that he needs to shut up and listen to someone else for once or he leaves, and I don’t think he knows how to listen.” Su She shrugged again. “Why do you care, anyway? He’s Jiang sect. It’s not any of our business.”

Lan Wangji was silent, but somehow it came across as a meaningful silence. An almost pointed silence.

An embarrassed silence.

“…him, really?” Su She said, twisting around to gawk a little at where Wei Wuxian was having a furious whispered conversation with Jiang Cheng that involved a lot of gestures and even more suspicious looks from the nearby Wen sect guards. “I mean, sure, he’s attractive, no one’s going to deny that – he’s not rated fourth for nothing – but…really? Him? He’s not exactly the quiet-and-thoughtful Lan sect type I thought you’d go for, you know?”

Lan Wangji, with all the great grace and dignity and pomp of a proper young master of high birth and proper breeding, buried his face into his hands.

Su She covered his mouth with his sleeve to keep from laughing at him. It wasn’t exactly nice to laugh at someone who was clearly all too aware of their evidently terrible taste in men.

From the way Lan Wangji glared through his fingers, he wasn’t doing a very good job of muffling his snickers.

It was a good laugh, which was nice because it was the last thing Su She had to laugh about for long while.

The “indoctrination camp” was frankly awful. It wasn’t that he thought being forced to do servant’s work like tilling fields or doing laundry was the worst thing in the world (although he did resent that they didn’t bother paying them for it), and memorizing useless maxims was more or less what the Lan sect excelled at the most, but the constant air of vicious supervision, the threat of punishment, of having the swords they had all worked so hard to obtain taken away from them…

And that was all before they were forced to act as bait in Wen Chao’s night hunt.

“I’m serious,” Su She muttered to Lan Wangji. “I know so many good curses.”

Lan Wangji condescended to elbow him in the side to get him to shut up.

“I miss Yu Zhuliu,” Su She complained instead. “He’s much better company than you are.”

“No one is better company than Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian piped up. He was hanging out by them – not quite with them, but nearby – again.

“I thought the Core-Melting Hand was terrifying,” Jiang Cheng opined. He was following Wei Wuxian, as always, and sticking as close as his shadow, as if he was afraid of losing him. Maybe he was. “All silent and stoic and looming.”

“He doesn’t loom. He’s just tall.”

“All tall people loom. Look at Chifeng-zun, he looms even when he’s sitting down.”

Chifeng-zun, who was the leader of the Nie sect, was, in fact, unreasonably tall and, yes, loomed quite a bit.

“Well, Yu Zhuliu doesn’t,” Sue She said. And then, because he didn’t actually like either of the Jiang sect’s young masters no matter what Lan Wangji might think of them, he added, “Not that you of all people have the place to say anything, Jiang-gongzi. Family shame should not be spread in public.”

He thought that would make an impact, remind them of their manners, but instead all three of them – Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and even Lan Wangji – looked at him in confusion.

“What?” he said, staring at them back. “I know Jiang-gongzi’s maternal family is Meishan Yu…isn’t it?”

“It is,” Wei Wuxian said, sounding baffled. “But what does…wait. Yu Zhuliu – his Yu is Meishan Yu?”

“Yes?” Su She said, looking between them. Yu Zhuliu had said it was no secret, but the junior generation was treating this as if the information had hit them like a sudden landslide: Jiang Cheng had gone white, Wei Wuxian’s jaw was hanging open, and even Lan Wangji’s eyes were as wide and round as the moon. “You didn’t know?”

“I assumed it was another Yu,” Jiang Cheng croaked.

“Meishan Yu probably doesn’t want to admit that one of their own went to work as a servant for another sect after they kicked him out,” Su She concluded. It seemed relatively reasonable to him, but somehow that made all of them look even more upset. “What’s the matter?”

They all just shook their heads and made their way away, looking stunned to a man, and Su She was left to roll his eyes and wonder what in the world made young masters act like that. Something in the water, maybe?

He would curse himself later for making the joke, because there was something in the water of the cave they went to, and that something was, apparently, a corrupted Xuanwu.

(Lan Wangji was still glaring at him for trying to pull the girl out when Wen Chao’s whore demanded it, but it wasn’t his life on the line if the Wen sect went through with their threat to start slaughtering disciples left and right if they couldn’t get to her. Anyway, it wasn’t like he wouldn’t be able to cut her in a way that let out a bit of blood but left her the mobility she might need to escape – she was a cultivator, too! What did it matter that she was a woman?)

Wei Wuxian was holding the Xuanwu’s attention with a fire talisman, and Jiang Cheng was leading the disciples to the pool with the water, which Lan Wangji had identified as containing an exit…as usual, all the young masters were showing their stuff. In a burst of resentful fury, the sort he hadn’t had in weeks, Su She leaned down and grabbed a bow and some arrows. If he shot the Xuanwu’s eye, he might be able to –

A hand fell on his shoulder, and Su She turned to look.

Lan Wangji shook his head. He didn’t seem angry about the girl anymore.

“Keep them,” he said, nodding at the arrows. “There will be Wen sect soldiers waiting for us outside.”

“You don’t think I can make the shot,” Su She accused, feeling obscurely betrayed. “You scored so high in the archery competition – I bet you think you could do better, is that it? You want –”

“If you miss, you may anger it further,” Lan Wangji said. “And I have promised Yu Zhuliu that I would see you safe.”

Su She’s anger was extinguished as quickly as a candle blowing out. “You – did? He asked about me?”

“Before he left with my brother.”

“You should’ve said something,” Su She grumbled, but he let himself be lured into allowing Lan Wangji to use him as a crutch as they waded into the water. At the last moment, Wei Wuxian threw the fire talisman into the air and ran after them, causing the Xuanwu to go crazy and chase, and then there was a bit of frantic swimming – it felt more like drowning, even with Wei Wuxian leading the way for them both – before they got to the other side.

“I’m going to be sick,” Su She groaned, spitting up water, and then he still had to sit up and shoot an arrow back at one of the Wen sect guards that, as Lan Wangji had predicted, were out there.

Of course, a few seconds later the Xuanwu came bursting out of the side of cave, so they all had a whole different set of problems to deal with.

At least the Wen sect mostly ran away.

(Not all of them. A few of them stuck around to shoot some arrows at them – every bad thing Su She had ever thought about any young master, he thought twice for the Wen sect.)

“Next time we deal with this inside the cave,” Su She shouted, running for cover. He was able to get the arrow into the Xuanwu’s eye the way he had planned to in the cave when he finally had a little time to stand and aim – admittedly, he might’ve missed in the cave, he never shot half as well when he was angry – and in the end Lan Wangji shouted something about Chord Assassination and Wei Wuxian had a brilliant-stupid idea about using it like a spider web to make a net and Jiang Cheng swam like a fish to lure it through the right spot and all together with a bunch of the others they ended up chopping the Xuawnu’s head off.

Well, chopping was the wrong word. More like a shichen or more or wretched sawing using Chord Assassination as a garotte, relying mostly on Lan Wangji’s arm strength – Su She and the few other Lan disciples that knew the trick were holding the strings down with burning bleeding fingers, an essential part of the process but ultimately only a prop to help Lan Wangji do what he needed – and by the time it was done their robes were more red and crusted brown than white no matter how many bleaching herbs and special arrays had been used.

“All right, the threat is gone,” Su She said, feeling bitter again as he scanned the treeline. He didn’t even know what the bitterness was about this time. “Can we go already?”

“You can come to Yunmeng,” Jiang Cheng said. “It’s closest.”

No one disagreed.

More or less the second after they arrived, just as soon as they’d had baths and a change of clothing, Lan Wangji wanted to go back to the Cloud Recesses or to travel around looking for Lan Xichen. He looked strange in borrowed Yunmeng purple, even if they’d politely given him the lightest and bluest shade they had – really it was at best a pale lavender at best – but that sure didn’t seem to bother Wei Wuxian from the way he kept gawking at Lan Wangji when he thought Lan Wangji wasn’t looking.

“If you don’t trust your brother, trust Yu Zhuliu,” Su She told Lan Wangji irritably after yet another request that was swiftly denied. He’d made a half-hearted effort to remember his manners after the stress of the moment had passed, but Lan Wangji seemed unhappy any time he did so now he was back at being a bit more of his awful actual self. Of course, Lan Wangji liked Wei Wuxian so maybe he just had a kink for rude people? “Do you really think he’d take him anywhere you could find him?”

“Then I should be at the Cloud Recesses,” Lan Wangji said firmly. “To help rebuild –”

“To help make them a target again, you mean?” Su She said scathingly. “Did you forget, somehow, that you’re still a valuable hostage? That they’ll be expecting you to go back? Or is it just that all that nobility is starting to make your brain rot, you stupid fucker?”

Lan Wangji glared at him, tight-lipped, and stalked away, which meant that Su She’s point had probably been taken and they could have at least a little rest before having to start running again.

Before the war started. War, which terrorized the common people…

He needed to go to Moling to check on his family. Even if his brother rejected him, as he feared, he had to go – better rejected than bereaved, surely..?

Consumed with dark thoughts, Su She didn’t notice that he wasn’t alone until he walked straight into Wei Wuxian’s chest.

(Why were they all so tall?)

Wei Wuxian was glaring at him. “Listen,” he said, sounding angry. “Listen, whatever your name is, you can’t talk to Lan Zhan like that –”

Su She punched him in the face.

Wei Wuxian stared up at him in shock from where he’d fallen on his ass on the ground, but Su She didn’t care; he turned on his heel and stormed off, his face hot with rage and shame and bitterness.

“On second thought, we can leave right now,” he spat at a shocked-looking Lan Wangji. “I’m not staying here one more fucking second.”

Whatever your name is.

Like they hadn’t just gone through life and death together, hadn’t fought side by side, like he hadn’t risked his life on Wei Wuxian’s stupid plan, none of that mattered; he wasn’t important enough for Wei Wuxian to remember his name. People like him really were nothing but side characters to people like Wei Wuxian, weren’t they? Their lives, their hopes, their dreams, their bitterness – all irrelevant. An aside at best, mere marginalia, a splash of color to liven up the background.

Su She would bet money that Wei Wuxian knew the names of all the rich young masters that had attended classes with them, whether he liked them or he didn’t. He even knew the name of that little Wen clan member that he’d so bravely stood up for during the archery competition. But not Su She’s name, no, even though he’d been so graciously suffering all of the stupid back-and-forth pining Wei Wuxian had been doing with Lan Wangji, even though he’d let himself foolishly believe that because he and Lan Wangji had something in common that they might be something like friends or at least companions, that he might be treated as an equal –

No, these stupid rich young masters were all the same. He’d been right the first time.

Actually, now that he thought about it, why was he even here? Did he really think Lan Wangji would take his side over Wei Wuxian, who wasn’t only his peer in every sense of the word but also his beloved?

What a waste of time.

Su She left again. He wasn’t stupid enough to try to walk away just as he was, no matter how furious; how far would he get with no money, no food, and even his sword back in Wen custody? Instead he made his way down to the kitchens to ask for travel rations that could last for a while, and planned to visit the armory to borrow a sword after that. He’d need to pack lightly, but comprehensively: who knew how far the Wen sect’s influence spread? He might not be able to risk going into the cities and towns on the way to get supplies, not even wearing borrowed Yunmeng robes – even if he hid the incredibly obvious white forehead ribbon with a hat, he still walked like someone from the Lan sect, something he’d only really noticed once he was surrounded by people who slouched and bent and took large ground-eating steps instead of the sedate pace that he couldn’t quite break the habit of using.

“Su She,” Lan Wangji said from the door to the room they’d been given. Su She didn’t look at him or stop stuffing the travel rations and the spare robes he’d obtained into a qiangkun pouch.

“If you’re coming here to scold me about hitting Wei-gongzi, spare me,” Su She said stiffly. “We’re not in the Cloud Recesses; you don’t have any role over discipline here –”

“The silencing spell would have been more effective.”

Su She blinked, surprised by the apparent non-sequitur, and turned to look at him. “What?”

“To silence him,” Lan Wangji clarified, meaning Wei Wuxian.

As if that was the problem with what Su She had done.

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng piped up – Su She hadn’t seen him standing by Lan Wangji’s side. “Hitting doesn’t work, he just pops right back up again. Please ignore him in the future; he’s an idiot.”

Well, Su She couldn’t disagree with that.

“You have a guest,” Jiang Cheng added. He looked almost – nervous? “Could – would you introduce us? Properly, this time.”

Su She couldn’t think of anyone he knew that Lan Wangji didn’t also know. Why would they ask him? The only person –

He stiffened abruptly, hope welling in his stomach. “Yu Zhuliu? He’s here?”

“Brother sent him to check on me,” Lan Wangji said. “And to tell me to stay where I am. You were right.”

It was – immensely gratifying to hear that.

“He and Mother are having tea,” Jiang Cheng added, looking impressed. “She insisted. It’s so weird.”

Yu Zhuliu looked the same as he always did, when Su She finally got to see him: tall and broad-shouldered, steady as a mountain, untroubled by wind or rain. There were a few points of similarity between his face and Madame Yu’s, if you looked for them, and he seemed pleased by her surprisingly gracious reception – when they spoke about it later, it turned out that he greatly admired her, the famous (or infamous) Violet Spider who had made a name for herself as a fierce warrior and top-grade cultivator, and who had never looked down at him for his birth when they’d both been younger.

Wei Wuxian didn’t apologize at any point, though he also didn’t call Su She out as the cause for his black eye. Instead, he opted to act as though their earlier confrontation had never happened, bounding into the room Su She shared with Lan Wangji – no one else rose at the same hour they did – and insisting on taking them around to see the sights of the Lotus Pier, to spend a day on a boat, another picking lotus seeds, and yet another shooting down kites.

Su She refused to go shoot down kites, not wanting to risk humiliation at something he was actually pretty decent at by competing at archery against Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Wangji, and spent the day with Yu Zhuliu instead.

“I missed you,” he blurted out instead of saying something reasonable. “I mean – not that I wanted you to be there and suffering, it was pretty awful, and who knows what the Wen sect might have tried to get you to do, it’s just – you know – ”

Yu Zhuliu was a reserved man who did not speak much. He put his hand on Su She’s and said only, “I know.”

Su She swallowed, and stared down at the hand that rested on him. It was a good hand, to his mind: broad in the palm, with short fingers that were the exact opposite of the long graceful ones favored by the Lan sect, but it did its vicious work well enough that the whole cultivation world knew about it – the whole cultivation world feared it.

Su She had never once worried about it. That probably made him a fool.

“Yu Zhuliu,” he said, very cautiously, even though he knew he shouldn’t speak; it was him being a fool again, except only this time he was a fool a hundred times over. “I know – I know that the Lan sect is very important to you. They rescued you at a bad moment in your life, and you owe them your loyalty; I understand that. But…do you think...maybe – one day in the future…”

Yu Zhuliu was looking at him steadily. He didn’t pull back his hand.

Su She gathered up his courage. “I’m going to go home to Moling, someday. Maybe even someday soon. And when I do, I’m not – I’m not going to go back to the Lan sect afterwards. I’m going to start my own sect, if I can manage it. When I do, would you – consider coming with me?”

He waited for Yu Zhuliu’s response with bated breath.

Yu Zhuliu looked serious and thoughtful, and he opened his mouth to respond –

There was a giant clatter from outside their door. “Wen sect!” someone shouted. “They’re here!”

Su She and Yu Zhuliu looked at each other, alarmed, and rushed out.

Unfortunately, that just meant they got a front row seat to the travesty that happened next.

Su She felt sick to his stomach: he’d predicted long ago that Wei Wuxian would one day rediscover that the Jiang sect saw him as only a servant, as something that could be sacrificed for the good of the sect, but each sizzle and snap of Zidian on Wei Wuxian’s back made him feel worse and worse. Su She’d been beaten plenty of times before, even whipped on occasion, but then again he’d never really taken the Lan sect to heart as his family – it wasn’t Wei Wuxian’s fault that he’d been so badly raised, tricked into thinking that they loved him like one of their own, into acting like a proud and arrogant young master who had a family that would hold up the world for him no matter what he did.

“She’s pulling the blows,” Yu Zhuliu murmured in his ear, too low for anyone else to hear, and that helped, a little. But not that much, since it was clear that Jiang Cheng, horrified, couldn’t tell, when it wasn’t clear if Wei Wuxian could, and then in the end it turned out to be all for nothing because Wang Lingjiao still demanded his hand.

Worse: he wasn’t sure if it was that, or the casual mention of a supervisory office, that was the step too far for Madame Yu.

Su She did not especially appreciate Madame Yu’s comments about Wang Lingjiao’s status as a servant, unsurprising and almost expected though they might be – although in a moment of horror-stricken hysteria he noticed that her words made Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Wangji simultaneously flinch and glance over at him in concern, apparently all to a one forgetting the circumstances they were all in out of fear of his sharp tongue – but seeing her beat up the disgusting Wang Lingjiao was oddly gratifying.

Right up until the Wen sect guards she had brought with her started attacking from the inside, while from outside the sound of bombardment began – Wen sect’s armies had been lying in wait.

“Kill them!” Wang Lingjiao screeched the second she was free to do so, lunging forward with claws extended at Madame Yu’s face. “Kill them all –”

She never got that far.

Yu Zhuliu’s palm caught her dead in the belly, the force of it throwing her backwards into the arms of one of her guards, who quickly scurried away with her.

“A waste,” Madame Yu said, straightening her clothing. “Of your abilities, primarily. Did she even have enough of a golden core to justify melting?”

Yu Zhuliu didn’t bother responding, drawing his sword, and the next thing Su She knew they were all being given swords from dead Wen sect guards and heading out into the battlefield.

“Oh, I really hate this,” Su She said, looking down at the one he was given. As a Wen sect blade, it wouldn’t have any pity on him, and he didn’t think he was good enough to avoid getting skewered the first second he got angry and stopped paying attention to all of his weak spots. “Doesn’t anyone have a spare guqin I can use instead? I know some really good attack songs.”

“I think I have one in my room, actually,” Wei Wuxian said, and led him away from the others, limping only a little. Madame Yu really must have been pulling her strikes – not that Su She hadn’t believe Yu Zhuliu, of course, but still.

“You play?” Su She asked as they hurried through the hallways. “I thought you used a dizi.”

“I – considered picking it up. Briefly.”

“Just kiss him already,” Su She advised, deciding to try to be nice for once. “It’ll be faster, and your reception will be warm.”

“Kiss…who?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be some sort of genius?” Su She growled, and took the never-used guqin. It had been impossible to use anything more than the most straightforward sound attacks when they’d been fighting at the Cloud Recesses, given how many Lan sect disciples and even servants cultivated with music, but here at the Jiang sect where just about everyone was a swordsman first, musician later, and only Lan Wangji to compete with, Su She had a bit more freedom to go find a nice safe spot near the walls to play.

He wasn’t a guqin player on Lan Wangji’s standard – it still burned to admit it even if he maybe didn’t hate him as much as he used to – but he’d spent an awful lot of time in the library looking for things he could use when he was building his own sect and, well, he’d always liked the weird stuff.

“Wait, are you playing ‘Banish Evil’?” Jiang Cheng asked at one point, hopping over a wall to get near enough to ask.

“What? No. Are you deaf? They barely sound alike,” Su She said. “Now get out of range already before it you’re affected.”

Not long after, the effect started to show, with Wen sect cultivators falling left and right out of the sky above his head once their qi started locking up in response to his music.

Had he looked up a method to lock someone’s qi through music just because it reminded him of Yu Zhuliu? No, but it sure did help motivate him in learning the abstruse and needlessly complicated finger-work for something that, yes, okay, maybe sounded a little bit like ‘Banish Evil’, but not enough for people not to immediately call him out on what would otherwise sound like an incredibly bad rendition of that song.

“Once formed, your sect will be immensely unpopular,” Lan Wangji informed him as he flew by on his sword, his own musical cultivation acting as a shield to allow him to fight unaffected by Su She’s music.

Su She grinned down at the guqin and thought to himself that he’d be keeping this one. They could consider it payment for having made him have to put up with Wei Wuxian.

At some point in the battle, Sect Leader Jiang returned and ended up fighting back to back with his wife, which – once the battle was over – turned into a shouting match.

Yu Zhuliu, when he arrived, took one look and his eyebrows went up. “Perhaps we should assist with clean-up on the pier,” he said, delicately enough that Su She immediately figured out what he was implying.

“Yeah,” he said, covering up his smirk with his sleeve. “Let’s go quickly.”

“Don’t you two worry about our feelings getting hurt by it,” Wei Wuxian said, sounding amused, as Jiang Cheng nodded along. “We’re more than used to them fighting.”

“Is that what you call it in the Jiang sect?” Su She sniggered, unable to resist, and both of them paled.

“How would you even know about that?” Jiang Cheng eventually recovered enough to volley back. “Being from the Lan sect and all – I’m amazed it isn’t against one of your rules.”

“Su She is starting his own sect,” Lan Wangji, appearing from who-knows-where, interjected. “With fewer rules.”

“Wait, really?” Jiang Cheng asked, looking – he looked impressed, actually. “A sect of your own? That’s amazing!”

Su She flushed, his face hot and red at once. No one had ever said anything positive about his idea before. “Not anytime soon,” he demurred. “I mean, even a small cultivation sect has to have money enough to buy a house – pay for swords, musical instruments, things like that – and I’m broke.”

“Oh, money,” Wei Wuxian said, in a tone of someone who’d never had to do without, and Su She was already starting to secretly plan his murder – yes, he was aware that Wei Wuxian had reputedly spent some time on the streets as an orphaned child and no, he did not care – when he added, carelessly, “You helped save our home, the least we can do is give you something to help start yours.”

Su She stopped dead. “Are you serious?”

“Certainly,” Jiang Cheng said, and fuck, they were being serious. That was the Jiang sect heir saying he would give him money, not a servant, someone whose words could plausibly be held to be binding on the rest of his sect. “Do you have a plan for what cultivation style you’ll teach new disciples?”

“Uh,” Su She said. His mind was blank. “I was just planning on using the Lan sect techniques.”

Wei Wuxian looped an arm over his shoulder. “With some innovations, thought, right? That qi-locking music was pretty nice, and I’ve never seen it used before.”

Su She puffed up a little. It was pretty nice, good of Wei Wuxian to recognize that – and he hadn’t even seen the teleportation talisman Su She had been painstakingly teaching himself how to use!

“Nor I,” Lan Wangji said, and looked pointedly at Su She. “I suspect it comes from the forbidden section of our library.”

“No, it isn’t,” Su She said immediately, holding up his hands. He knew what the punishment was for going in there without permission. “Not the forbidden, but the forgotten – I was one of the people assigned to sort through old inheritances. Books from abroad, obscure books no one ever bothered categorizing, that sort of thing. The big jumble in the basement of the secondary library…you know, the fire hazard. The one that blew up in the Wen sect’s faces when they tried to light it.”

“You remember enough of them to make it work?” Jiang Cheng asked, now looking even more impressed.

“Well, no,” Su She admitted. “But I made copies of everything that looked interesting and hid them in an abandoned root cellar halfway down the road to Caiyi Town, so they should still be intact.”

Lan Wangji lit up, which for him was a slight bit of color to his cheeks, a slight arch to his eyebrows, a faint curve to his eyes – in other words, he was positively glowing. “Would you permit copies to be made of your copies? We would gladly pay for the privilege.”

“And if you put that together with our money, and you should definitely have enough to fund a sect,” Wei Wuxian said enthusiastically. “And we can come visit!”

“Sooner rather than later, actually,” Jiang Cheng said, rubbing the back of his head. “Before the yelling started, Mother and Father agreed that we younger generation should lie low somewhere for a few weeks somewhere obscure to avoid any immediate reprisals from the Wen sect – and once they’ve lost the trail, we go out to recruit new sects to join the war.”

“That would be in line with what Brother requested that I do,” Lan Wangji observed, voice carefully neutral as always. “I would not object to spending some time in Moling, courting a newly formed sect.”

Su She didn’t know what to say, his mouth moving open and closed. It was almost everything he’d ever wanted, and he only need to reach out and grasp it – his own sect, his brother, the respect of the arrogant young masters…

Nothing could be better.

A hand fell on his shoulder, the warmth of it lighting him up inside.

“Our sect would be happy to host you,” Yu Zhuliu said.

Su She was wrong.

Now

it was perfect.

#mdzs #su she #wen zhuliu #lan wangji #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #my fic #my fics #VERY LONG #rainbowrites

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not-xpr-art · 3 years

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Art Advice #2 - How to beat art block!

Hi again everyone!

This is the second instalment to my Art Advice tag offering hints and tips for artists of any skill level!

This time I’ll be going into ways I’ve found that help me to combat art block or creative ruts. Of course, these may not work for you, and a big part of art is learning about what things do and do not work for you, but I hope it at least offers some advice to anyone who struggles with art blocks!

How to beat art block.

Getting into an art block can be one of the most frustrating things as an artist. Especially if you’ve tried to dedicate a window of time to drawing something, only for your brain to ‘nope’ out and give you no motivation. I’ve found it can often make you feel worthless as an artist, particularly when you see fellow artists continuing to produce countless amazing artworks, and this kind of self depreciation only adds to your inability to produce anything.

And I’m not about to suggest some magical cure of art block, since I don’t believe there is one, but I hope that my advice can at least help lead you towards getting out of these vicious circles of art block & self deprecation!

Tip #1 - Explore other mediums

I feel like as artists we get incredibly ‘comfortable’ in the mediums we’re familiar with. For me, that’s digital and pencil drawing. I’ve been doing pencil drawing for as long as I can remember, and digital for a little over 7 years, so I’ve become very comfortable in using them.

However, I think that a good way to not only help combat art block, but also to expand your art horizons, is to step out of that comfort zone into a new field of art.

Of course, I’m not saying that I expect every artist to go from pencil drawing for 10 years to suddenly picking up a paint brush and doing some oil painting. But instead that every so often maybe just try and dabble in mediums you’ve not used as much, or haven’t used before at all. A lot of shops sell pretty inexpensive paints, pens or pastels nowadays, not to mention a quick Google search will give you tips on how to use the particular medium if you’re not sure how to start.

A thing I want to mention here, too, is that I think it’s important to not to expect yourself to be automatically ‘great’ at a particular medium. For example, last year I did my first embroidery piece. I had wanted to do embroidery for a long time, and did actually enjoy it a lot (even if it was incredibly time consuming lol). But I found myself dissatisfied with the finale result.

And in a way this is because I expected myself to be perfect at embroidery after just one attempt, which is ridiculous of course, since any kind of art takes years and years to ‘master’. And when I look back, I can’t help but think ‘why does it have to be good in the first place’? Why did I put this pressure on myself to be a sudden Master of Embroidery, when surely the main goal of any kind of art is to some extent the enjoyment of the process?

This is still a mindset I think a lot of artists will relate to, and is something I’m trying to combat myself.

Recently I painted some fake plastic eggs inspired by the Polish folk art tradition ‘Pisanki’. They took a long time, and my neck hurt a lot from being hunched over and painting little dots, but honestly I really loved the whole process of them! Painting on 3D objects isn’t something I do a lot, and I also rarely do purely pattern-based work like this, so it was a real deviation from my comfort zone.

In a way, exploring other mediums is like a creative respite. Giving yourself a break from what you’re familiar with not only helps you to be inspired by a wide range or arts, but when you return to the mediums you enjoy the most, I’ve actually found you appreciate them even more!

(Really, nothing makes me more appreciative for digital art than painting a wrong dot on the surface of an egg and not being able to rub it out...)

Tip #2 - Try different styles

Another tip, similar in many ways to the first one, is to try different styles of art every once and a while.

Like with materials, I think we as artists can get overly caught up in ‘our style’ of doing things. Whether this is a particular stylised or cartoonish way of drawing, or doing realistic art, or even sticking to a particular colour scheme. And I think especially in the world we live in, where artists have to make themselves as ‘consumer friendly’ as possible, which often means having a ‘recognisable brand’, it can feel like we have to do our art in a particular way, otherwise people will lose interest in it.

I think this is harmful for a lot of reasons. Partly, I feel it stifles artists creativity to force themselves to do one style and one style only. I also feel it assumes that non-artists are so single-track minded that if an artist were to post works of art that involve different styles, then they would immediately lose interest.

So my advice to any artist who has a particular style is to once in a while try out some different styles. It doesn’t have to be big pieces, and it also doesn’t have to be the polar opposite of what your style actually is. But instead if can be as simple as doing a ‘style challenge’ (something I’ve done in the past), or even just trying a different way of drawing or painting!

In a way, changing your medium and changing your style occasionally go hand in hand. I particularly find that how I draw people will change with the kinds of mediums I use, or even when I start using a new brush with digital art.

For example, I recently did this super quick sketch of Kiki Layne, because I really loved the reference image, and it came out a lot more stylised than my art usually is. And this is almost entirely down to the brush I used (which was an ‘ink’ style brush, in comparison to the ‘pencil’ or ‘pen’ brushes I usually use for sketching).

This isn’t a drastic change in style for me, but I do think even trying to do rougher or messier styles of art like this can allow you to see your art in a new light!

(A side note here, but I already pretty much change up my style with every piece because I have no interest in being ‘marketable’ lol... But I’m definitely not suggesting everyone should be like me, just every so often changing up your style I believe can be really beneficial!)

Tip #3 - Changing subject matters

This one is essentially the same as the other two, and I’m sorry if this comes across as repetitive, but I think another great way to help beat art block is by changing up the kinds of things you draw!

Being predominantly a portrait artist, I rarely go out of my way to draw things like trees or birds or cups or whatever. But I know that often when I feel myself entering a kind of creative rut or art block, it’s because I’ve been drawing too many people & my brain is sort of all people-d out lol...

(this is a tree I drew in oil paints midway through last year because I was feeling particular people-d out at that point)

So I think occasionally drawing other things, and going out of your art comfort zone, can help to improve your creativity. And hey, who knows, maybe you’ll end up incorporating something you drew randomly into a new artwork!

TL;DR (/conclusion)

So, remember that exploring other mediums, changing up your regular style and choosing other subject matters can all help in beating art block! Of course, you don’t have to do them all at the same time, but instead just dipping in and out of them as you produce your regular work can be highly beneficial!

I mainly wanted to make this post not to say that by doing all three of these things, you’ll magically be free of art block forever, because that’s just not true. (I’m someone who does a lot of these things pretty regularly, but still gets into art blocks every now and then). I instead wanted to inspire you to deviate from what you are usually drawn to as an artist.

The world is your creative oyster, so don’t be afraid to explore it!

I hope you enjoyed this post about ways to beat art block! I may make a part two if people are interested since there are a lot of other things that I think can help in improving creativity!

#art advice #art block #how to beat art block #creativity #art discussion #artists on tumblr #this is about 1300 words long btw #i honestly DID try not to ramble pffffft #anyway i hope someone found this at least slightly useful!

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missorgana · 4 years

Text

your lucky day

pairing: bruce banner/thor, background pepper potts/tony stark

fandom: marvel cinematic universe

rating: general

word count: 4619

warning: swearing

summary: Bruce gets lost in IKEA. Luckily, he finds someone to help him out. (Ikea AU)

(it’s been Months and i’m finally done with this fic!! this is a very belated birthday gift for @nevillelongsbottom i really hope you like this legend 💕 uwu also thank you to @dykeacademias for beta reading u are a lifesaver seriously. hope you all enjoy this mess!!)

read on ao3

Doctor Bruce Banner is lost in IKEA.

While he certainly didn’t expect to find himself in this position, he can appreciate the comedy in it.

But Bruce is lost. Seriously, utterly lost.

The reason for him to even be in IKEA in the first place is simply Tony and Pepper convincing him to accompany them.

Yes, it might seem strange for a soon-to-be married couple to invite just the one friend along to look at furniture for the apartment they scored.

He’s gotten used to their shenanigans by now. Doesn’t mean he still didn’t lift an eyebrow, though.

“We need your help, Bruce, please?” his best friend asked him, and Tony knows that pleading face doesn’t work on him, but still, he wants them to be happy, you know?

In fact, both of them had that matching face on, because they’re perfect for one another, and he’s got this sense of guilt, and nerve in him, because honestly, he’s clueless as to why they’re choosing him for assistance.

He’s always been a nervous person.

Bruce figures an extra pair of hands would be helpful. And it’s not like he’s weak, wouldn’t call himself bulky either, but he can carry his fair amount.

It seemed like his friends might want his input on things as well, judging by the catalogue on they’d put in front of him on the coffee table, with dog-eared pages all around.

“I’m not really good with design and all, fair warning.” he’d said with an awkward chuckle, but Pepper showcased no worry.

“Don’t stress about it, okay? We just need you to decide for us when we disagree on something. You’re a darling.”

“You don’t really disagree on stuff, though.”

Tony blinked at him, “Have you met us?”

Really, the car ride was pleasant, and he loves them to pieces, but Bruce soon got Tony’s point once they were moving through the store, and not more than ten minutes in was forced to judge the lamps his best friends couldn’t seem to decide on.

It’s a month til their wedding, and they’re already acting like an old married couple.

And honestly, the lamps in question looked more or less the same to him, but he didn’t say that, because Pepper had a compelling argument about the placement and size of them, and Tony had to go with the majority, after all.

Regardless, he didn’t have to listen to their bickering for long, which he couldn’t decide if he found heartwarming, amusing or tiring, because somewhere between the kitchen and the office sections, Bruce lost sight of the couple.

Well, that wasn’t ideal.

Truth be told, he was distracting himself with a phone call, and left them looking at paint samples.

And Bruce figured they moved along without him. So it can’t really be his fault, right?

Or maybe they’re lost somewhere else too, who knows.

Thing is, Bruce has been searching this floor for close to half an hour, and now that he’s finally decided to move upstairs, to try his luck, let’s just say he’d really like to meet whoever designed this floor plan.

In fact, after roaming for another ten minutes, he has to admit he’s not sure where the escalators are located anymore.

Maybe he’s walking in circles. How is this even possible?

Honestly, it’s starting to get ridiculous when Bruce finds himself at the plant section, with little idea of how he got there, and also, since when has IKEA got a plant section?

Tony’s told him more than once that he needs to ‘get into the loop’ and ‘not live under a rock’, which really just means his friend has been begging him to start a twitter account.

Especially when he says some pun that’s not even that funny, and Tony laughs almost so hard he can’t breathe.

He can’t say he doesn’t appreciate that support, and confidence boost, though.

Anyway, there must be, like, a map of this floor, or a help desk, right?

Bruce is more or less dumbfounded, stepping out of the way for an elderly couple who are eagerly making their way towards the floor plants, and decides looking out for an IKEA employee might be his best option right now.

Yes, he did actually send Pepper a text, he’d not that out of the loop, but he’s getting no response, and besides, it might help him more if he had an idea of how to not be stuck in all this gardening interior.

But of course, as his luck has it, and Bruce swears he usually looks out for where he’s going, he very nearly smashes a vase that seemingly appeared out of thin air.

He’s in no way a religious person, but Jesus Christ.

Some luck he does have, as if sent like a prayer, when he spots an incredibly tall figure clad in a yellow and blue striped shirt.

And since their back is turned, Bruce figures he’ll politely tap their shoulder and ask for some guidance in a way that doesn’t sound as stupid as it does in his own head.

Good plan.

Or it would be, if he hadn’t tapped said shoulder, and said person turned around, and Bruce stepped back a little and might’ve smashed something for real.

So this has to confirm that he is, indeed, a nervous person, he guesses, because the vision of the stranger is enough to intimidate the doctor.

Well, intimidate sounds like fear, and that’s definitely not it.

Let’s just say this IKEA employee is a head taller, maybe more, who knows, than Bruce, and aforementioned yellow and blue striped uniform is a polo shirt sitting impossibly tighter than he can imagine it’s supposed to.

They’re well trained, to say the least.

In fact, this stranger’s broad shoulders might be launching him into a mental breakdown, and nope, he can’t be freaking out in an IKEA store because someone working there is, seriously, unexplainably attractive.

They even got their blond hair put up in a bun, for real.

And now, Bruce doesn’t really know how to process this encounter, and how to pretend the internal freaking out didn’t just happen, but luckily, real luck this time, the stranger gives him an easy smile on a silver platter.

Thank his non-existent Gods for customer service.

“Careful there, buddy. What can I help you with?”

The voice is soft and gruff at the same time, Bruce doesn’t really know what it is about it, but it’s… that.

His eyes quickly search for nametag, finding it easily on the employee’s (just as broad) chest, which he doesn’t really have the mind to overthink right now, but seriously, this person might just live in a fitness center.

And said nametag showcases Thor, accompanied by My pronouns are he/him.

Of course this giant of a man is named Thor. Bruce can’t even be surprised, really.

His mind manages to circulate back to the fact that he asked you a question, dammit, and the scientist almost stutters out, “I apologise, I, uh, for my clumsiness.”

Thor simply shrugs, staying silent, and seemingly, letting Bruce collect himself and continue.

“And yes, I, eh, was going to ask for your help. My current situation might be slightly embarrassing, however.” he tells him, finally, Bruce nags himself internally, with a small smile he cannot imagine is anything other than awkward.

And the Greek God-esque man in front of him, Bruce should really stop these God-related equations, anyway, chuckles softly in a way he can’t quite believe comes from a man twice the size of himself.

“I doubt it’s anything I haven’t heard before.” Thor, he remembers, tells him, and takes a quick glance behind him, before continuing, “You know how many customers inquire me about watering fake plants?”

And yeah, Bruce has to smile, a little, because he can imagine, and he supposes that remark did relax him about this situation, to some extent.

Not that he still doesn’t think he’s blushing, or fidgeting with his fingers, but this man’s probably used to that right?

Bruce is careful in his thought, because Thor’s most likely been objectified before, and it’s never anything the doctor wants to do, it’s just that this man might as well have walked out of one of his daydreams.

The tall man’s got this easy smile on his face and Bruce thinks he might be going crazy.

What’s gone into him?

To get out of his head, he chuckles just slightly, appreciating Thor attempting, at least, to make him less embarrassed, and, “Well, I- judging by the floor plan, you might’ve gotten this before, I don’t know. I have to admit I’m sort of lost.”

The man in front of him easily chuckles as well, nodding eagerly, resembling some sort of excitement just for a moment, “Oh, tell me about it! Honestly, took me a month before I knew the way around in here.”

Suddenly, Thor doesn’t look like a figment of the doctor’s imagination, but rather, cute in a way Bruce has never thought of men with his physique before.

As established before, these types of encounters, the rare he’s had, makes him a nervous wreck, and not in any way likely to flirt, which, in this case, would be highly uncomfortable for who his attention is devoted to, so it’s definitely for the best his skills are not brushed up upon.

That is, judging by his recent history of romantic relationships, or lack thereof.

He did come out of a long term one and got his heart terribly broken, but that was more than four years ago, and Tony and Pepper had his back, of course, helped him pick up the pieces.

Anyway, let’s just say he hasn’t been eager with going back to the dating market, which he hates calling it but nevertheless, he’s standing in an IKEA, and he really should think about getting back to his friends and not ponder over his mended heart and nonexistent chances with a man who’s, obviously, only this smiling and calm because he’s told to.

Get a grip, Bruce, you have a phd, for science and the modern world’s sake.

He’s quick to realize he needs to pay attention, now, because surely, he can keep his nerves under control for this. Seriously, he must.

“Where did you come from?” the tall man asks him, and it’s only now Bruce notices the cart next to him.

Typical of him to interrupt a dreamy man, not just standing around, but in the middle of a task, really.

He doesn’t usually swear, but fan-fucking-tastic, as Tony would say.

This embarrassment is going to move to the back of his mind, sooner or later, and so he adjust his glasses on his nose, most typical nervous sign really, and ventures on in the conversation.

“First floor, you see, eh…” and Bruce has to chuckle at himself, again, trying to minimize the eye contact with the tall stranger as much as possibly, which, really, shouldn’t be hard considering their height difference, “I lost sight of my friends, and well, here I am.”

Thor nods solemnly, in a way, like he finds this a completely valid reason.

“Okay, this is standard procedure, really, trust me,” he tells him, because apparently Bruce’s demeanor really is obvious, and it’s almost he’s reassuring him, “What section you think they’d wander off to?”

Well, this question boggles the doctor, because he’s not sure at all.

He does know those two like the back of his mind, but also, they went from browsing lamps, to scented candles, to desk chairs, to wall decor that looked like it was taken straight out of a stock photo search on Google.

Dammit, just give the man an answer! In the end, Bruce’s guess is as good as any, he guesses, and maybe Thor’s got some professional IKEA input, too.

And so he clears his throat and replies, “Can I be honest? They’re kind of weirdos, so, not easy. That’s a good thing, though! They’re newly engaged and took me here to help them find new decor, so…”

“Ah! The neutral third part when disagreements occur, I assume?”

This man’s got a certain pitch in his voice, like someone straight out of film school, Bruce wants to say, like he spent many days on learning Shakespeare plays by heart.

He’s not very versed on theater, himself, he’s only become familiar with this kind of voice by Brunnhilde. Once she’d broke through, he noticed what it was about her tone, and really, it barely changed at all.

It’s like she was born for it, which sounds like an old Hollywood drama, but there you go.

Maybe something about the way she carried herself helped, he supposed, but he still can’t anymore of a finger on it than that.

It smoothes out the voice in certain way. He imagines they know a lot of poetry, those actors.

She told him she’d been to voice coaches and such, besides auditioning, and demonstrated for him time and time again when she needed help practising, and Carol wasn’t available.

Maybe he’s an aspiring actor as well, or something similar, but it’s not like Bruce can ponder on this right now. Sometimes he feels like his brain’s got a life of its own, at least working at double speed.

“Hit the nail on the head, as you say, heh.”

Thor nods once more, and he latches onto this aforementioned cart, which appears fully loaded, and well, Bruce can admire the strength in his forearms, right?

Totally normal. It’s cool, Doctor Banner, you’re being real slick about this.

“Say, I’m not in any way experienced with reading people- or well, tracking them down, I suppose.” the God-like man told him - really, these God comparisons gotta stop - with what he hopes is a lighthearted chuckle, damn, he’s trained well with that smile overpowering most of his features.

Thor continues, “The cafeteria’s pretty much a meeting spot in cases like this, I mean, if it’s of any help to go there?”

Bruce just can’t help smiling back, can he? In any case, it’s becoming more natural for him now, less strained, the man fading less from an otherworldly state and more to quietly admirable.

“That would be lovely. I fear I might disappear from the surface of the earth completely if I keep wandering around like this.”

Right, tell a joke, they’re both laughing, it’s fine. Stop staring Bruce, you’ve thought about how tall he is a million times by now, really?!

In less than a second, the cart’s turned around, and Thor removes a strand of blond hair from his hair, before he starts moving, dear God, is he a marathon runner or something?

“The elevator’s by here, somewhere, don’t worry, I got this.” he tells the doctor, as if he ever doubted his ability in any way, and Thor did quickly realize his pace, slowing down at the first corner, allowing the shorter man to catch up.

“No offense, but this place is a goddamn maze.” Bruce says, slightly surprised when they make it the elevator, like it’s a secret land he would’ve never found on his own. Luckily, Thor’s still not fazed.

Chuckling, still. You got this under control, Bruce. Somehow.

The cafeteria’s queue is abnormally long, the soda has definitely been sitting out for a while, the meatballs are steaming hot.

There’s too much noise for Bruce’s liking, but he doesn’t really have much choice of where to go right now.

But today still holds surprises, clearly.

The doctor expressed his gratitude to Thor for leading him this way, which really was hilariously easy now that he thinks about it, but you know, the elevator was actually hidden away, so.

It’s not like he can justify it for himself anymore, so he’ll just give up on it.

The thing is, Bruce in no way expected the handsome stranger to help him anymore so than guiding him here. Only when they stand in the foyer, looking out at the many sterile white tables for customers to have their lunch at, he tells him to stay where he is.

Well obviously, he might get lost again, and there’s no way he wants a second wave of embarrassment right now. But also, surely, Thor has to keep going with whatever business he’s doing?

It seems the man notices Bruce’s scrunched brow, since he dishes out further explanation a few seconds later, “I have to bring this down to storage. It only takes five minutes, trust me!”

Bruce can’t say he expected that. He doesn’t have time to answer, anyway, because Thor once again picks up a pace as if he’s running for his life, and is gone before he knows it.

Guess he’ll stay put. Guess he’ll try to not stand awkwardly around as mothers and children and students are milling around him. It’s easier said than done.

Luckily, because damn, that thing really is with him today, huh?

Well, a minor misadventure, which led him to luck. That could mean something, but Bruce can’t think of that much, because, luckily , just as the fidgeting returns for, like, the 20th time, his phone buzzes in his backpocket.

Of course, Pepper’s texting him now, thank god , because he might go out and trip over himself if that Greek God himself returns, which, conveniently, he does as that moment.

It’s almost like he’s smiling even more now, if that’s even possible.

And he watches Thor wipe sweat off of his forehead with one eye, replies back to Pepper with an urgency, and she’s calm, because she manages to do that in almost any situation, she’s gotten used to Tony, after all, and lets them know his location.

“Hey, buddy!” the tall man comes to a stop, puts both his hands on his hips and shoots a look toward the bustling queue, which, after all, is significantly shorter now, they all work quickly around here, huh.

“You hear from your friends?” he continues his sentence, maybe because Bruce doesn’t know what to answer and he’s freaking out, maybe because he’s simply curious. It’s a 50/50, really.

Again, he really should stop thinking of a million things at once, and nods instead, and now, for some reason, Thor’s got them drinks and a table, kindly offering to wait with Bruce till Tony and Pepper’s finished with their shopping.

Well, he doesn’t offer as much as tells him, makes his way to the queue even though the doctor was about to refuse, but the deed is done, anyway, and he appreciates it.

Bruce does wonder the tall man’s going to get in trouble, though. Surely, hanging out with a customer can’t be allowed?

“You know, uh, you don’t have to wait with me.” he can’t help chuckling awkwardly, because everything he does becomes awkward around Thor, who seems so easy going, it’s insane, “I don’t want you to get in trouble with your boss.”

The stranger, or, not really a stranger anymore, he supposes, is eating like he hadn’t breakfast, which does worry Bruce, but he shakes his head and gulps down some more soda before he speaks.

“Oh no, it’s fine. I was overdue for a lunch break, anyway.”

And he can’t help but just shrug.

A small smile isn’t totally awkward, right? This is fine. Just two dudes hanging out. Thor’s on his goddamn lunch break, he’s working , Bruce, what did you expect?

“Besides, don’t tell anyone I said this, but the conversations my coworkers usually engage in are, um,” he turns his head, and nope, only customers in sight for now, surely those behind the counter can’t hear what he wants to say, “rather dull.”

Okay, he has to laugh a little bit. Because Thor’s laughing, that is.

He’s kind of, sort of, insulting someone, but he’s being so incredibly nice about it. As nice as possible.

And now, he’s totally not watching him, come on, they’re having a conversation, this man seems to be fidgeting now.

In a different way than Bruce, surely, kind of like an excited labrador who’s owner just come home after a two week vacation.

It’s cute. Shut up, he can find him cute, not only teenagers say that, right?

Bruce is feeling like a teenager, seeing some jock in a varsity jacket walking down the hall, every student eager to just have him look at you, just once. Maybe he’s been there before. He barely knows this man, keep it together!

Him beating up himself is interrupted by Thor, again, “Do you mind if I am a tiny bit nosy?”

The doctor blinks. “I guess it depends on what topic we’re discussing.”

Thor gulps some more soda. Bruce truly has to wonder if IKEA feeds their employees at all.

“Right! Right. I just thought, since you know my name, you know, I might be allowed to ask your name.”

And another surprise. More shock, maybe. Definitely not what he expected him to ask, but what did he expect, really?

Bruce does smile, and it’s like, okay, this is casual, it’s like the customer service barrier is a bit broken down now, “Of course. It’s Bruce.”

Thor nods again, excitedly. Excited about everything.

And he’s not usually like this, but this man’s attitude is sort of rubbing off on him. Weird.

“What do you do, Bruce?” and Thor’s constantly removing strands of hair from that worn out bun, “Other than being a good friend, that is.”

Now why does he have to go and compliment him? It’s thrown out like it’s nothing, like it’s easy, and his self hatred won’t let him say it’s easy, but he takes it, because it seems like Thor means it. He hopes so, anyway.

He does laugh, to keep a little distance, “Uh, well, I’m a professor.”

Bruce doesn’t exactly like to advertise, and shout out to the world about his PhDs. No, he’s proud of his work, don’t get him wrong.

But he doesn’t feel particularly impressive compared to some of his role models, who progressed faster than himself, and anyway, he isn’t great with compliments. As is obvious from this conversation.

Needless to say, if this man gets anymore excited, he might just explode in front of him.

“Holy shit,” he blurts, he assumes, because oh, how the tables turned, when the embarrassment Bruce has been feeling is mirrored on Thor’s face, “oh, dear God, sorry for my language. But I love that. I’m afraid I’m just an actor.”

So, he guessed right, he notes. Doesn’t really know what do with that assumption.

“That’s not really a just, is it?”

He shrugs.

They’re both too humble for their own good, in the end, Bruce thinks. At least Thor is only slightly visibly upset when he brushes off the compliments, or at least, tries to signal to his new acquaintance that his work really isn’t that big of a deal.

He does tell him more details when Thor asks, of course, he’s always been relatively polite, hopefully, but Bruce has never been good at not comparing himself to others, as you might’ve guessed.

“That is a big deal, though!” the tall man says, sounding more sincere than anyone Bruce has ever met, “You are brilliant.”

He’s not blushing. Not at all, except he is, a little bit, anyway, “I mean, I- thank you. We’ve only still just me, though.”

“I can tell. And we shouldn’t underestimate ourselves. I’m still learning that, as you can tell.”

Of course, he’s right. Of course, this man encourages a relative stranger to be confident. Of course, it’s lovely.

And this conversation goes on forever, which probably isn’t realistic, he’s aware, but well, Bruce is getting comfortable.

It’s stupid, he shouldn’t, he knows.

But this man is so friendly. Endearing. And he has to think, honestly, how can anyone not immediately be drawn to him?

Thor does tell a lot of kind of ridiculous jokes. That’s endearing too, dammit.

Also, maybe, Bruce wants to spit out his soda when the half God, half man asks him for scientifically related pick up lines. He doesn’t, of course, he’s not an animal.

This can be restrained, sure, and it’s not like his new… friend means anything by it. Really, this is just a once in a lifetime acquaintance. Probably never going to see each other again.

But it’s a fun run.

Maybe he should just thank his lucky stars for this. Maybe Bruce should just get his head out of his ass and go on an actual date, instead of getting nervous about someone in a goddamn furniture store.

Thing is, this nice time ends far too quickly, not soon after the doctor’s almost, completely relaxed, as much excitement as this one man contains, it soothes his nerves. That’s ridiculous, isn’t it?

At least, it’s like Thor can tell how embarrassed he is, and cancels it out by telling embarrassment stories of his own.

Or spilling ketchup on his uniform button up, newly washed, even. Bruce would feel bad for finding it a little funny, if the man didn’t laugh at himself and smack himself in the head.

The self awareness is admirable. The doctor still doesn’t laugh, because he’s just, God, way too empathetic. He feels bad for him.

But yes, it does end, because Tony’s familiar exclaim of “Brucie!” wakes him up from whatever dumb haze this is.

No more time to get lost in this impossible relation. Sadly.

Of course, his friends’ cart is filled to the brim. They have a bag, too.

Pepper rushes for a hug, because she’s a sweetheart and worries too much, as usual, “Thank God! Oh Bruce, I feel terrible we lost you.”

And he pats her shoulder in reassurance, chuckles, casts a glimpse to Thor, who’s standing there like an overgrown puppy, assuming they’ll part ways soon, “I got by, thankfully.”

Indeed he did. After a small exchange not much time passes before Thor has to go back to work (really, how long of a break is he allowed?) Bruce wonders, because surely more than half an hour must’ve gone by.

And the doctor thanks him for the help for the millionth time, like the other times weren’t enough, but he appreciates it, and whatever this relation is, but he doesn’t mention that last part, of course.

The blond man is humble again. Of course.

And, of course, Tony teases him for about the whole car ride to Bruce’s flat about how he ‘was saved by a tall handsome stranger’, and he ‘should’ve made a move, surely’.

It’s not like he disagrees with the savior part.

Pepper shakes her head along with him.

Maybe, for once, Tony’s right about something, to his credit, because Bruce spent a lot of time convincing him, and himself, that the man was just being polite when offering to wait with him.

And the conversation, too, as genuine as it felt.

Needless to say, the slip of notepad paper with the Ikea logo on tip that the doctor finds in his jacket pocket a day late, written on in what might be the most pleasing handwriting he’s seen in a while, was surprising.

There's also a phone number.

This is breaking all the protocols, and I am terrified that you will be offended, I sincerely apologise if so, I in no way want to make you uncomfortable.

I did enjoy our conversation very much. I would also enjoy the opportunity to see you again, if you agree, perhaps with other surroundings than Swedish furniture.

Sincerely, Thor (from IKEA).

Maybe he types the number into his phone. Maybe he calls it right away.

Of course, Tony doesn’t need to know that right now.

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keplercryptids · 4 years

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nonfiction LGBTQ+ books i read this year

i read a lot this year, and a good chunk of it was LGBTQ+ nonfiction. so i thought it might be nice to list what i read. as a note, many of these books deal with LGBTQ history in the United States. too often, mainstream US-centric LGBTQ texts focus on white middle-class cisgender folks, though I’ve done my best to balance that as much as possible with other perspectives. (that being said, if you got ‘em, i would LOVE book recommendations that tackle worldwide/non-white LGBTQ issues!)

Accessibility notes: Given the nature of the genre, there’s a lot of intense discussion re: homophobia and transphobia. Basically every book listed covers those things to some extent, and I’ve specified where there’s additional potentially triggering content. (If you have specific questions about triggers, please let me know!) also, some of these books are on the academic side. I’ve done my best to note when a book was very academic or when I found it to be more readable. (full disclosure on that note: I’m a college grad and voracious reader without any reading-specific learning disabilities, so my opinion may be different than yours!) as a final note, I was able to access most of these as e-books/audiobooks through my local library. I live in a major metropolitan area, if that gives you any idea of how easy it’ll be for you to find these books. I’ve noted when a book was more difficult to get my hands on.

History

Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World 1890-1940 by George Chauncey. As the title suggests, this book focuses on gay male communities in NYC pre-World War 2. Even with that limited scope, this is an important read to better understand gay male history in the early 20th century. Gay communities thrived in the early 1900s and this snapshot of that is really wonderful. This is definitely more of an academic read, but I highly recommend it. while it definitely focuses on white middle-class gay men, there was more discussion of poor and/or gay men of color than i had actually expected, so that’s nice. (CW for rape and sexual assault, homophobic violence and medicalization of homosexuality.)

Queering the Color Line: Race and the Invention of Homosexuality in American Culture by Siobhan B. Somerville. Finally, a book about queer history that actually talks about black people! I was expecting more of a history book, whereas this was more of a critique of specific novels, plays and movies of the early 1900s and was way more focused than i was expecting. don’t get me wrong, I majored in English lit so i’m super into that kind of analysis as well, it just wasn’t as far-reaching as I would have liked. Also, it’s very academic. (Only the print version was available at my library.) (CW for racism, mentions of slavery.)

Transgender History by Susan Striker. This book describes itself as an “approachable introductory text” to transgender history in the US, which I agree with. It’s a pretty short read given the enormity of the topic, so it doesn’t go into much detail about specific groups or events, but imo it’s a good introduction. Especially interesting to me was the information about where and when TERF ideology began. Academic but on the easier-to-read side. (CW for transphobia, gross TERF rhetoric, brief mentions of the AIDS crisis, police violence.)

Gay Revolution by Lillian Faderman. okay so, I gave this 1 star. it’s probably a good book if you know absolutely nothing about US LGBTQ history and want an intro, but a review on goodreads said that it should be called Gay Assimilation instead and i completely agree. Faderman focuses on white middle-to-upper class gay and lesbian assimilationists, often at the expense of radical queer and trans people of color. The latter is hardly mentioned at all, which is ridiculous given trans folks’ contributions to the LGBTQ movement. When radical people ARE mentioned, it’s often in a disparaging way, or in a way that positions the radicals as too extreme. Faderman constantly repeats the refrain that the fight for LGBT rights was “just like what black people did for their rights” without any addendum about why that is...not a good take. There’s no meaningful discussion of race, class or intersectionality. She lauds Obama as a hero for the gays and there’s a ton (I mean a TON) of content about how military acceptance + gay marriage = we won, or whatever. anyway, i wasn’t a fan, although many of the events and organizations discussed in this book are important to know just from a factual basis. (CW for all the stuff I mentioned, plus police violence, medicalization of homosexuality. it’s also fucking LONG so i recommend the audiobook, lol.)

Queer (In)Justice: The Criminalization of LGBT People in the United States by Joey L. Mogul, Andrea J. Ritchie, and Kay Whitlock. This is “a searing examination of queer experiences--as ‘suspects,’ defendants, prisoners, and survivors of crime.” A frequently upsetting but super important read about how LGBTQ identities have been policed in the past, and currently are policed today. i wish there was more focus on trans folks, but other than that it’s a solid read. (CW for all the things you’d expect a book about policing and imprisoning LGBTQ folks to include: police and institutionalized violence, sexual assault, transphobia, homophobia.)

Stonewall by Martin Duberman. This book follows the lives and activism of six LGBTQ folks before, during and after the Stonewall riots. Note: Stonewall itself is only discussed in one chapter about 2/3 of the way through, the rest of the book dedicated to the six individuals’ lives and activism up to and after that point. It’s a history book with a strong narrative focus that I found to be a fairly accessible read. (CW for minors engaging in sex work and sexual predation by adults, sexual and domestic violence, police violence, drug and alcohol abuse, mentions of suicide.)

And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic by Randy Shilts. This is a HEAVY but really important read about the AIDS epidemic in the US, tracking the disease and the political/cultural response from about 1980-1985. It’s journalistic nonfiction, so although it’s a very long book I found it easier to read than more academic-y books. the only thing i really disliked was how the book demonized “Patient Zero” in quite unfair ways, but it was originally published in ‘87 so that explains part of it. I want to stress again that it’s heavy, as you’d expect a book about thousands of deaths to be. (CW: oh boy where to start. Graphic descriptions of disease/death, graphic descriptions of sex, medical neglect, republican nonsense.)

Memoirs, essays, etc

Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme edited by Ivan E. Coyote. i felt mixed about this one! i appreciated the different perspectives regarding gender and desire, especially since this anthology contains a lot of essays by people who came of age in the 60s-80s (so there’s a historical bent too). but some of the essays feel dated, at best, and offensive at worst. there was more than one instance of TERF-y ideology thrown in. probably 1/4 of the essays were really really great, and i’d still recommend reading it in order to form your own opinions--also, imo it’s useful to see where TERF ideology comes from. this book was harder to find, and i had to order a print version through interlibrary loan. (CW for a few TERFy essays. i read this earlier in the year so it’s possible i’m forgetting some other triggers, sorry!)

Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation by (editors) Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman. Serving as a follow-up of sorts to Bornstein’s Gender Outlaw, this is a collection of narratives by transgender and gender-nonconforming folks. While not “history” in a technical sense, many of the writers are 30+ and give a wide array of LGBTQ+ experiences, past and present, that are important. I didn’t agree with every single viewpoint, of course, duh! But some of the essays were really powerful and overall it’s a good read. (CW for one essay about eating disorders, some outdated language/reclaimed slurs as to be expected--language is one of the main themes of the collection actually so the “outdatedness” is important.)

S/He by Minnie Bruce Pratt. A memoir published in 1995, focusing on Minnie’s life, marriage, gender identity, eventual coming out and relationship with Leslie Feinberg. i really enjoyed this one. it was beautifully written. there are many erotic elements to this memoir so keep that in mind. also was a little harder to get, and i had to order a print version via interlibrary loan. (i read this awhile ago and can’t remember specific triggers, sorry! if anyone knows of some, please let me know.)

I’m Afraid of Men by Vivek Shraya. A memoir by a trans woman ruminating on masculinity. it’s beautiful and very short (truly more of a longform essay), so it’s a good one if you don’t have the attention span/time for longer books. (CW for sexism, harassment, transphobia.)

Zami: A New Spelling of My Name by Audre Lorde. god, this memoir is gorgeous and is one of my favorite books of the year. it chronicles Audre’s childhood in Harlem and her coming-of-age in the 1950s as a lesbian. ultimately, this is a book about love and that resonates throughout every page. idk can you tell i loved this book so much??? (CW for child abuse, sexual assault, a friend’s suicide, racism.)

We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir by Samra Habib. suuuuch a good book! Samra writes about her life as she and her family arrive in Canada as refugees from Pakistan in her early childhood, onto her life today as a queer Muslim woman of color, photographer and activist. beautifully written and just such an important perspective. Only the print version was available at my library. (CW for child sexual assault, a suicide attempt and suicidal ideation, non-graphic mentions of domestic violence, racism and sexism.)

Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kababe. this is a beautifully illustrated graphic novel memoir about the author’s journey of discovering eir identity as queer. i related to a lot of it, which was great on a personal level, but i also think it could be a great educational tool for those wanting to know more about gender queerness (especially for those who prefer graphic novels!) (CW for gender dysphoria, descriptions of gynecological exams, imagery of blood and a couple pages depicting being impaled, some nudity, vomit.)

#lgbtq history #lgbtq #book recs #lgbtq books #lgbtq nonfiction #booktalk #queer history #queer

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beneaththetangles · 4 years

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BtT Light Novel Club Chapter 23: How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom, Vol. 2

Realist Hero is one of the best-selling light novels currently without an anime adaptation. That will change eventually as an anime adaptation has been announced recently, but it is still a novel that has gotten quite popular among English-speaking light novel fans. It was also one of the earlier titles we covered in the Light Novel Club, and one of my personal favorite series, so I figured it was time to revisit it, this time with Jeskai Angel, who has written about the series before. Without further ado, let’s take a look at volume 2 of How a Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom!

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1. What are your overall thoughts on the volume?

Jeskai Angel: This volume was what convinced me to keep reading Realist Hero instead of dropping the series. Way back when I read the first volume, I thought it was actually pretty lame. Souma was a pedantic know-it-all; he may not have been OP in a combat sense, but he was ridiculously OP in terms of his knowledge level. And displayed this by pretentiously lecturing everyone (including the reader) about every topic under the sun. However, because stardf29 spoke so highly of the series, I decided I’d give the second volume a try before giving up completely.

And, well, I went on to read every volume that’s been published so far. This volume pushed the story more toward military strategy, political intrigue, and international diplomacy, which I found a welcome improvement. Those topics remain central to the story in subsequent volumes. I think this series tends to be at its best when Souma is playing the role of heroic mastermind, rather than serving as an adjunct professor of economics at your local community college. Reading through vol. 2 again for this discussion, I felt confirmed in my opinion that this volume is vastly superior to its predecessor.

stardf29: Yeah, I also felt that Volume 2 was where the story really picked up. Volume 1 was fine but if it had just stayed at that level it wouldn’t have become one of my favorite light novels of all time; it would probably just have been “pretty good” for me. But with this volume, there are way more elements at play that start to expand the scope of the novel.

I think what I liked most about this volume is how there’s so many different parties, some allied to Souma, some not, all doing their own part. And as the point of view shifts to these different parties, we see where they all come from. This was something we touched on in the volume 1 discussion: it shows how the story is not just Souma’s story; he might be the “main character” but everyone else has their story in the greater story as well. And while volume 1 does do this a bit, it’s here in volume 2 where that really expands out even beyond country borders.

2. What are your thoughts on the characters?

A. Souma

Jeskai Angel: Souma feels more balanced / less OP than in the first volume. I appreciated seeing how he struggled with the weight of responsibility. Similarly, while it’s great seeing his clever plans succeed, they don’t always work out, and that’s good too. In this volume, Souma actually faces human opponents with plans of their own. That means he’s forced to adapt to the unexpected. He feels more human this way, a satisfying balance of cunning and fallibility.

This is a good chance to raise a question I’ve had before. It’s extremely common in isekai stories for the Japanese characters to refer any sort of killing as “murder,” no matter how justified it might seem in context. E.g., in this volume, Souma refers to Gaius’s death as “murder,” despite the fact that he’s killed during battle. Do the Japanese today tend to consider any kind of killing, regardless of circumstances, to be murder? Or is there some other meaning to their use of this terminology?

stardf29: Definitely agree with the assessment of Souma being more balanced, struggling with responsibility, and having more “difficult” and human opponents to deal with. I really like the moment when he realized that he had basically taken on a fake “king” persona in order to cope with the reality of war. And it’s not just that he has moments of weakness, but that he also feels like he can’t show that weakness to the girls that are closest to him. He might have the mental knowledge to handle being king, but it’s nice to see that at least when it comes to the emotional aspect, he’s still very much normal.

I don’t know the answer to the whole “murder” question, but I can imagine some people having an aversion to killing anyone, no matter how “justified” it is. Maybe they want the world to be as peaceful as possible and hate the thought of anyone dying, or maybe ending someone else’s life makes them think of how someone might kill them for a “justified” reason someday. (Or there might be some other reason I’m not thinking of.) This might be even more prevalent in Japanese culture for various reasons, or it might not. I’d have to consult someone more knowledgeable about Japanese culture on that.

B. Amidonian royals

Jeskai Angel: First, LOL at Gaius, Julius, and…Roroa? One of these things is not like the others, you know? The first two names bring to mind Gaius Julius Caesar of the Roman Empire…but Roroa? Maybe it’s symbolic? Like, her dad and brother have names that (especially together) evoke a famous historical conqueror, while her name is nothing like theirs in order to communicate how different she is from them? Well, anyway, Roroa doesn’t have much of a part to play in this volume, although there’s some heavy foreshadowing she’s got schemes of her own.

Gaius, and Amidonia in general, bring to mind various real-life examples of leaders and peoples bent on avenging past losses. Many in France looked forward to what become WWI because they wanted revenge for their defeat in the Franco-Prussian War a few decades earlier, and they especially wanted to reclaim the territories of Alsace and Lorraine from the Germans. The Nazis used vengeful rhetoric, too, wanting Germany to avenge its defeat in WWI. Even today, there’s still a ton of conflict relating to Israel (the political state) and various groups seeking to “reclaim” what they consider “their” lands — even though Israel has controlled those lands for decades. It’s interesting that the author seems to consistently portray this whole revenge-and-reclamation obsession in a negative light, implicitly repudiating it. Since Japan lost the last war it fought, I wonder if that’s any kind of commentary on the views of at least some Japanese people?

Julius gets more screentime than his sister but less than his dad. We get the impression that he’s a blend of the two of them, actually. It seems pretty obvious, based on how this volume wraps up, that we’ll be seeing more of Julius in the future.

stardf29: The concept and condemnation of Amidonia’s obsession with revenge is interesting because the Amidonian rulers have actually incorporated the desire for revenge and reclamation into the very identity of their country. So it becomes an issue of patriotism and national identity as well, especially as the rulers have assumed those elements of national identity into their personal identity. And once something has become part of your identity, it’s hard to even think of doing things a different way.

I do like how the three main royals represent a scale of how much this national identity has become their personal identity. On one extreme we have Gaius, for whom it has taken over so much that he sees no other option than to pursue revenge, even when there’s no hope of victory and all he can do is a final suicide attack. And on the opposite end there’s Roroa, who refuses to accept that identity and seeks a different way. In the middle is Julius, who has taken up that identity to an extent, but shows signs that it hasn’t gotten to the point of his father, though we’ll have to wait until later volumes to see where that leads him.

C. Souma’s girls

Jeskai Angel: Liscia is still cool. She was one of the better elements of the first volume, and had some really great moments in this one. We see her continuing to grow closer to Souma, showing that she understands him, expressing determination and loyalty with the haircut stunt, frantically trying to get her friend Carla’s life spared, and serving as a mage-general on the battlefield. She has good chemistry with Souma, while her relationships with Georg and Carla show different sides of her and make her a more realistic character.

Aisha is still Goku. Except she’s a female elf, and is less likeable. Castor was right on the money with his “idiot strength” comment. She’s probably my least favorite character in the whole series, so it was great (from my point of view) that she’s mostly in the background in this volume.

This volume does have the bizarre plot point of Juna being commander of the kingdom’s marines. To be fair, young-person-with-absurd-authority is a common trope, so Juna is hardly unique, but it still seems bizarre that someone her age could have found time to both master singing AND become a great warrior. IIRC, the fact that she’s an elite soldier and military officer mostly goes unmentioned after this volume, making me wonder if the author realized it was a bit much and decided to drop it. Young, beautiful, world-class singer who also happens to lead the nation’s marine corps? I find it hard to swallow. Juna is one of the less well-written, less interesting members of Souma’s harem, and I still feel she lacks chemistry with Souma, but at least she’s less annoying than Aisha.

stardf29: I can agree with Liscia and Aisha. Kind of ironic that Aisha is the cover girl but doesn’t have much of a role in the story beyond being a combatant.

As for Juna, it’s definitely a bit much for her to be a Marine leader on top of everything else, but I figured that just comes with the territory of having Excel as a grandmother, and Excel is… well, quite something, to say the least. And while she’s also lower down on my “girls ranking” list for this series, I do think she has at least some “chemistry” with Souma, at least with how she has assumed the role of the “slightly more mature girl who cares for him” and helps “hide his weakness”. I mean, I prefer the “chemistry” that he has with Liscia (and with other girls later on) but at least it’s something… which is more that can be said for Aisha.

Jeskai Angel: That’s fair. Between Juna and Aisha, Juna is definitely the better character (even though I’d only rank her fourth, after Liscia, XXXXX, and XXXXX).

Short-haired Liscia is good, too.

D. The Dukes

Jeskai Angel: I do need to talk about Castor. I can only conclude that he worships Duke Carmine, because he gives Georg the sort of absolute trust and loyalty of which only a god could be worthy. He even divorces his wife for the sake of his freakish devotion to his friend! It’s insane. If someone is acting in a way that seems totally wrong and/or irrational, and they refuse to explain themselves no matter how many times you ask what’s going on… MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T BLINDLY FOLLOW THEM. Just saying. Yes, it turns out Georg actually does have good intentions, but that kind of ex post facto justification in no way excuses Castor’s folly here. Of course, I can’t fault Castor too much, since our world has plenty of examples of blind, unwarranted loyalty. Also, I don’t know if the fault of Castor, his wife, or the author, but there’s a serious lack of creativity when it comes to naming their children. Carla and Carl? Really?

stardf29: Castor and Carla are, in a way, tragic characters. They might not be dead by the end of the volume, but even supposing they’ll escape with their lives intact, they are both currently enslaved (…that’s something we’ll have to address, huh?) and estranged from the rest of their family. Their refusal to question their loyalty to Georg is the tragic flaw that leads to their loss and current predicament. It’s interesting to contrast him with Excel. She was equally in the dark to Georg’s true intentions, but rather than blindly trust him, she sought the truth for herself, sending a spy in Juna to see what Souma was really like, and then allying herself with him when he proved to be trustworthy. I wonder if her having lived longer has given her perspective here. Overall, she definitely is a crafty leader, with how she helped with the defense of Altomura, and she’ll definitely be around to cause more chaos later on…

As for Georg… I’ll have a full question on him later.

As for the names in Castor’s family… all I can say is, I struggle with naming characters myself, so I can’t be too hard on the author on names. Especially since this is a Japanese author coming up with English names; that must be a special sort of challenge for Japanese fantasy authors.

E. Other characters

Jeskai Angel: This volume introduces a ton of new characters and hints at their possible future importance. I already mentioned Roroa and Julius, but the three dukes, Carla, and Maria and Jeanne also all seem like good candidates to reappear in another volume. We don’t really get to know most of them all that well, but they all seem well positioned to show up again. We don’t know her name at this point, but the reference to Maria and Jeanne’s reclusive, eccentric sister comes across as foreshadowing another future character. By the way, it amuses me that this LN has a girl named Maria who is known as “the saint of the empire,” while a totally different LN has a girl named Mia that people call “the saint of the empire.” Talking about this story’s empire also brings up more of the author’s peculiar naming choices — Chaos as the family name of a royal line, but then their family name changes to Euphoria? I bet they were a lot happier and less disorganized after that.

stardf29: Okay, can I just say that Halbert and Kaede are just too cute? I know my love for childhood friend romances is biasing me hugely here but I’m glad their spat in the first volume was resolved and we can just get to the two of them just being close with each other.

We’ll definitely see more of Maria and Jeanne later. For now, though, we do get a glimpse of who’s actually ruling over the supposed strongest power on the continent and… they’re actually pretty reasonable? That definitely gives hope that Souma can ultimately work with them, which should make things interesting later on.

One interesting bit though is how supposedly, Maria rules based more on “logic” whereas Souma rules based more on “feelings”. While I think in context this is somewhat inaccurate–it’s more like Maria rules according to convention–it does remind me that Souma has ultimately taken up rulership because he wanted to protect those close to him that had become his “family”. It will be interesting, though, to see if the two of them can ultimately cover each other’s “blind spots” if they work together.

Oh, and we get to see Juno and the adventurers again! Their presence in the first volume was pretty squarely in “side story” territory, but here they actively participate in the main plot (although it is still more in dealing with a contingency to save lives rather than actively advancing Souma’s military plans). It’s definitely nice to see more of them as a look at another piece of life in this world, and it does seem like we’ll see more of them from here on out as well.

3. What are your thoughts on Georg’s plan to bait the corrupt nobles?

Jeskai Angel: It was certainly a…plan. Talk about not letting the right hand know what the left hand is doing, though!

In a way, Georg’s gambit actually served to illustrate Souma’s argument about the problems with the kingdom’s divided military command structure. A ton of trouble could have been avoided if Georg had worked WITH the king and the other two dukes, rather than playing his cards so close to his vest. A more unified chain of command/communication would save Georg from acting so unilaterally and inexplicably. His intentions were good, but his decision not to communicate sooner and more clearly with Souma, Excel, and Castor, did a lot of harm. I think it actually comes across as Georg (and, to a lesser degree, Souma) distrusting everyone else. I understand not wanting the corrupt nobles to find out, but were Castor and Excel really so unreliable that there was no way Georg could let them know what was going on?

To be fair, Georg’s behavior isn’t entirely unrealistic. I didn’t feel like the narrative artificially forced him to be unrealistically stupid. History has plenty of unfortunate events caused by poor communication and/or excessive concern with secrecy. And as semi-autonomous general/duke, Georg may very well have acted in a similarly independent way on previous occasions in his career. However, a plan that is bad in realistic ways is still a bad plan.

stardf29: There sure seem to be a lot of “tragic characters” this volume, huh? Characters who make choices and plans that are ultimately folly, but are understandable for how they might have gotten there based on their character flaws. Georg seems to be yet another case of this, where his base plan in and of itself had plenty of merits, but his lack of communication with at least Excel and Castor caused a lot of grief.

Though being in the military, I can at least understand the high focus on secrecy. To put this in modern military terms, Georg’s plan was very much “Top Secret”: something that could cause exceptionally grave damage to “national security” if it got out. And when it comes to any sort of classified information, one of the most important concepts is “need-to-know”: that is, even if other parties are trustworthy, do they actually need to know the information in order for the plan to succeed? Of course, here, Georg made a clear miscalculation: Excel and Castor definitely had a need-to-know, since part of the plan involved the navy and air force joining forces to defeat Georg. And Castor’s refusal to oppose Georg made things much harder for everyone involved.

The balance between “need for secrecy” and “need-to-know” is a cornerstone of military strategy, which I will by no means claim to be an expert in. This definitely seems to be a case where Georg erred too much toward secrecy, though.

4. Strategically, what do you think of Souma’s plan to actively wage war against Amidonia?

Jeskai Angel: The way I read the story, Gaius was a warmonger actively looking for a chance to start a war, and it was absolutely certain that he would do so eventually. In light of that, Souma set a trap to bait Gaius into declaring war on terms favorable to Elfrieden. Souma didn’t cause Gaius to attack, he just took the defensive measure of faking weakness. I have no issues with any of that. It was less about provoking a war and more about giving Gaius the opening he was seeking.

The fundamentally defensive nature of Souma’s strategy also appears in how Elfrieden fought the war. The goal was regime change. Souma didn’t even try to conquer Amidonia; he only aimed to seize the capital. And his goal wasn’t actually to capture Van — it was to lure Gaius into a decisive battle. As Gaius himself belatedly realized, he was Souma’s real target all along. Souma understood, to paraphrase the Klingon ambassador in Star Trek IV: the Voyage Home, “There shall be no peace as long as [Gaius] lives!” Given the constraints “Must remove Gaius,” “Mustn’t upset the Gran Chaos Empire,” and “Must minimize casualties/destruction on both sides,” Souma’s handling of the war was pretty reasonable and effective.

stardf29: Indeed, in this situation it was definitely a reasonable choice to instigate a war that was going to inevitably happen, since it would keep Amidonia from preparing as much as they like (even if they had been preparing in some way otherwise). I think there’s also some extent to which Souma figured that they had some weaknesses they could exploit, or at least unique advantages he had on his side to leverage against them.

This also fits with Souma’s main purpose of ruling in the first place: protecting his “family”. He knows what kind of a threat Gaius is to them, and he will even start a war if that means keeping them safe.

Perhaps the more interesting here is, what does Souma do now that his subjugation is successful? I don’t want to get too much into this here because this is the focus of the next volume, but he has to be aware that defeating Gaius and taking Van is “only half the battle”. Now he not only has to manage formerly-foreign territory and people, but he also has to deal with the inevitable conflict with the Gran Chaos Empire and the Mankind Declaration. Well, this is the sort of thing that helps make this series so engaging; it looks at several aspects of international relations, not just the surface winning/losing of a war.

Jeskai Angel: Think what a mess it could be if someone else were to be scheming about the fate of Amidonia with totally different goals than Souma’s…

5. What do you think about this story’s use of slavery so far?

Jeskai Angel: The first interesting point is that this is an atypical isekai story with slavery. Souma mercifully averts the obnoxious “Isekai protagonist acquires gorgeous female slave who allegedly falls in love with him and prefers remaining his slave to being freed” scenario. I mean, technically, he briefly owns Carla, but A. Carla never falls in love with him, B. Souma passes her off to Liscia ASAP, and C. Souma makes a point of emphasizing that he really only goes along with this because the laws of the kingdom prescribe slavery as a form of punishment, and as chief enforcer of laws, he must avoid playing favorites. In terms of Souma’s direct, personal participation in slavery, he’s doing better than most male isekai protagonists in settings with slavery.

In addition, I think Souma’s discussion with Liscia about enforcing the law in an evenhanded manner raises another important facet of the story’s handling of slavery. Living up to its “Realist” billing, the story shows us that Souma doesn’t like slavery, just as he doesn’t like the laws about corporate guilt that punish members of a criminal’s family, but he can’t just snap his fingers and make them go away. Quite realistically, he understands that even as king he can’t suddenly and unilaterally change these things without the risk of causing other serious problems. We see in later volumes that he does pursue an end to slavery, but in a way that tries to avoid causing major upheaval. In this respect, Souma reminds me of America’s “Great Emancipator,” Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln wanted to do away with slavery, but unlike the abolitionists of his day who wanted it done right this very minute, Lincoln wasn’t wedded to a particular process or timeline, as long he could put slavery “in course of ultimate extinction.” (Yes, the American Civil War happened instead of peaceful abolition, but that was neither Lincoln’s fault nor his desire.)

stardf29: Well, your analysis here is spot-on so I don’t really have anything to add specifically with regards to this story. It does goes to show how, as much as we might expect–and hate–the presence of slavery in these fantasy light novels, how it’s usually pretty unreasonable to just expect even the most overpowered of protagonists to just snap it out of existence. Of course, that doesn’t exactly justify the “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” approach many of them take, either. So Realist Hero’s approach is pretty notable in this regard.

Final Thoughts

Jeskai Angel: Usually, with LNs, the first volume (and sometimes just a portion of the first vol.!) is enough for me to decide whether I want to follow that series. Realist Hero is one of the rare exceptions. I can’t think of another instance where my opinion of an LN changed so drastically based on the second volume. This volume is much better than it’s predecessor, and does a better job of representing the kind of content you can look forward to in the rest of series.

stardf29: Some assorted thoughts that I didn’t quite feel like it justified its own question:

When I first read this volume, I was pretty intrigued by the idea of dragons that could take on human forms and would even marry the knights they allowed to ride them. I think I just like Fire Emblem manaketes too much… At any rate, it seems to be a bit too random of an element to put in a story without it coming into play later on, so I did suspect Souma might pick up a dragon wife at that point. As for whether that will actually happen… well, we know already, but those reading along here will have to wait a few more volumes.

I also found it interesting that Souma would even cover for “red-light services” for his army after the war just to keep them from causing bigger trouble for the people of Van. He really isn’t afraid to use whatever he needs regardless of how “improper” it might be.

Anyway, I’ve read a few other novels that have drastically improved in the second volume (or later); that said, while I still liked volume 1, I did feel that volume 2 is where the story really gets going. Well, this is why I personally consider two volumes to be the light novel equivalent of the “three-episode rule” used for anime, though it does vary per title and sometimes one volume is enough to say “I’m done with this” (like how sometimes one episode of an anime is enough for me to drop it). This, though, is definitely one series where it’s worth sticking around at least for a second volume to see if it’s your thing.

=====

And that brings our discussion on Realist Hero volume 2 to a close. Starting next month, though, there will be a huge change to how the Light Novel Club discussions work: discussions will now be held on the public Beneath the Tangles Discord, and anyone can contribute to those discussions! Join the Discord if you want more information, including an early announcement of our next light novels for discussion!

We’ll be announcing the next titles on the blog on Sept. 7th, but if you want a clue… uh, let me look at my official clue book… hmm, all I have here are the letters T A R E… what could that mean?

As always, if you read along with us, let us know of your own thoughts on the volume in the comments!

#Light Novels #How A Realist Hero Rebuilt the Kingdom #Genjitsushugi Yuusha no Oukoku Saikenki #BtT Light Novel Club #Articles #Author: stardf29 #Author: JeskaiAngel

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jane-the-zombie · 4 years

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Is that a Police? I’m Calling the Weed! || Ulfric, Celeste, & Jane

TIMING: Roughly Three Weeks Ago PARTIES: @big-bad-ulf, @celestelavie, @jane-the-zombie SUMMARY: With the Bennett home trashed, Detective Wu has a few questions lined up for the owner of the truck that was seen outside their home that night.

The case should have been simple, but Jane was admittedly not happy to add on yet another missing persons case into her ever growing pile of them. White Crest was an enigma - a small town that surely meant to be a bore, which was exactly what Sergeant Kelley had wanted when he transferred her here. Except it wasn’t. The unexplained phenomenons that continuously occurred in this town soon made her realize that zombies were the least of her problems. At least this case had a lead. The Bennett residence trashed beyond repair with the residents missing - not great. But a neighbor had seen a truck outside that night and actually identified plate numbers. Ulfric Haakonsson. Owner of Ink Inc. Willingly came down to the station to have a “quick chat” with her. Jane led him to one of the spare rooms. “Mr. Haakonsson, thank you for joining me today,” she said, politely. “I just have a few questions for you, and then we can get you on your way. How does that sound?”

Ulfric hadn’t given much thought to human law when he’d agreed to help Ariana hide her tracks. Pack law, the law of his nature, had taken precedence, the impulse to remove the girl from the path of danger immediately overshadowing consideration of any long term risks. So when he received the call from Officer Wu to come in for a chat he was disappointed, but not surprised. As isolated as the former Bennett residence was, it had only been a matter of time before someone found the mess that had been left behind there and started asking questions. He’d just hoped that with so many other strange goings-on in White Crest the WCPD would’ve been distracted and given him little longer before those questions were directed his way. Since it sadly seemed that time was up, he had no choice but comply with Jane’s request, heading to the police station as soon as he closed up shop. There was no way he was going to be forced to leave another country because of the meddlesome mundane legal system. “Of course, Officer. That sounds fine. I’m guessing this is about the Bennetts,” He answered, deciding that being as open as possible was the safest approach. “I just want to do my part to clear things up, then you folks can get back to other matters more important to the safety of our town.”

He brought up the Bennetts almost immediately. Jane kept her face passive, and she hoped that this was either going to be easy or that things had actually ended well. Though, judging by the state of the house, she wasn’t sure how anything in that house could have ended well. “Why don’t we take a seat?” Jane nodded to the table and chairs set up, taking a seat herself. She stayed silent a moment, before leaning back in her chair to get a good look at him. He cut right to it, right to the chase. Jane appreciated that. That meant she could skip the lowball questions first - how long have you been in town, what do you do for a living, blah blah blah - but it also meant that this could end up being harder than she hoped. Could swing either way. Jane fought back a sigh. “How do you know the Bennetts, Mr. Haakonsson? Why do you think you need to be clearing things up?”

Ulfric pondered for a moment, it was sometimes hard for him to explain to himself what the Bennetts were to him, let alone to summarize it so it made sense to human company. It felt most accurate to describe Ariana as family, but with the WCPD resources it would be fairly easy to prove they weren’t actually related, and that would just dredge up more uncomfortable questions. So, the truth it was then, or at least the parts that were easily digestible. “Ariana, came into my shop for a tattoo after her eighteenth birthday. I met her sister shortly afterwards. We’re close friends.” If he didn’t specify which one he was friends with, it didn’t feel as dishonest and he just hoped Jane would assume he meant Celeste since most grown men didn’t have much in common with teenagers. “If you’ve found their old place, I can see how it could give off the impression that something bad happened to them and I just wanted to assure you that they’re not hurt, and never were.” And never will be, if he had any say on the matter.

He was silent a moment, and Jane settled back in her chair. Ulfric seemed to be quite cooperative, didn’t seem to want any trouble, and wasn’t showing signs of deception. Which was all well and good, but that didn’t tell her anything about the Bennetts or what happened in their home to make it look like a serious struggle took place. Jane’s eyes narrowed. They’re not hurt, and never were. “Their old place was found looking like a pretty bad fight took place, Mr. Haakonsson,” Jane said. She had the crime scene photos in the folder in front of her. “And your truck was seen outside the property shortly before it was found like that. Do you know where the Bennetts are, then?”

“They’re with me. Staying on my property, for the time being.” Ulfric answered succinctly, choosing to address the direct question over the statement, though his eyes did flicker momentarily to the folder one the table. It didn’t take a genius to guess what was in it, and he wondered for a moment if the police had already cleaned up the mess after they finished documenting it. It would be just his luck to go to such lengths to send a message only for it to be wiped from the slate before it reached its intended recipient. “I can’t be the only one who’s seen them safe and sound since then,” He continued after a beat, pulling his focus back on Jane. Surely property damage wouldn’t rank highly on WCPD’s list of worries if he could prove no one was hurt in the process. And there should’ve been plenty of evidence, since the Bennetts had been going about their normal lives as much as possible, even after they’d been supplied with glamours. “Someone must have seen Celeste serving at Al’s Diner. Or you could contact the high school, Ariana’s been going to classes.” He added to that effect. “I’m surprised you’re asking me about this before trying to reach them directly.”

“The issue at hand isn’t inherently about their whereabouts,” Jane said, easily. She leaned forward on the table, resting on her arms as she looked at him closely. It was curious that he would so openly admit to Celeste and Ariana staying with him. Something strange was going on, and Jane decided she didn’t like it. Either Ulfric was the cause of the giant disaster that the Bennet property was left in, or he was helping them hide from the thing that did. Disturbances like that didn’t just happen. It wasn’t like a knocked over lamp or something similar. Ulfric could have been playing her still though, simply telling her what seemed to be the truth where something much deeper could be going on. “We’re looking into it because the Bennett family, both Celeste and Ariana, seem to be in some type of trouble. What can you tell me about that?”

In the past, Celeste had never really had to think of the legal aspects of running away from a temporary home. They never remained in town long enough for there to be any repercussions for them. The last thing she had meant to happen was for Ulfric to get caught in some sort of legal trouble on their account. It seemed he had worked hard to build himself a life and a foundation in this town. Her own lack of foresight frustrated her when she’d received a text from Ulfric telling her he’d been called into the police station. She had told Al she had an emergency and rushed over to the station, still wearing her ridiculous 50’s style outfit. The front desk worker had pointed her in the right direction and she spotted Ulfric. She gave a wave as she approached the room they were in, lightly rapping on the door before entering. “I’m so sorry for any confusion here. I can assure you that both my sister and I are perfectly safe, in large part thanks to Ulfric here,” she explained hurriedly, “I’m Celeste Bennett in case that wasn’t entirely clear. I’m happy to answer any questions you may have, officer.”

Ulfric sat stumped for a moment, resting his elbows on the desk as he considered what to say. Officer Wu clearly wouldn’t stand for skirting the issue any longer, he’d have to give some kind of explanation for the trashed house, one that didn’t put him or the Bennetts under further scrutiny. If he told her the basic facts, that they were hiding from toxic family members who meant to do them harm, surely that would be understandable, even if the WCPD didn’t agree with the extent they’d gone to in order to maintain their cover. But then again, if Jane did believe that story, they might place them under protective surveillance which would only hinder their ability to take care of the hunters that plagued them permanently. Still, he was struggling to think of an alternative that sounded less incriminating, people didn’t usually cover their tracks because they had nothing to hide. Reluctantly, he huffed and opened his mouth to speak but promptly shut it when he heard the knocking on the door. He relaxed in his seat as Celeste entered. It seemed the ancestors were merciful, even in ensuring he’d seen that outfit previously so he didn’t laugh when it made an appearance in the middle of a police questioning. “I believe her word on this might be more valuable than mine,” he suggested to Jane, inclining his head towards the door. “Should I wait outside? These things are usually done separately, yes?”

Saved by the bell, it seemed. Jane stiffened slightly as someone interrupted, turning to snap at whatever idiot thought this was a good time to cut in, before she realized who it was and what she was wearing. Jane had only been to Al’s diner once, but she could recognize the gaudy uniforms anywhere. If this weren’t such a serious issue, Jane would say that her uniform was the true crime here. “Ms. Bennett?” Jane said, rising. She looked between Ulfric and Celeste, concern growing. If Haakonsson was forcing either Celeste or Ariana to do anything, there was nothing that she could do without Celeste directly complaining. But, perhaps, there was all a reasonable explanation for this after all. Jane looked between them one more time, naturally suspicious, but she finally just let out a low sigh and nodded. “If you wouldn’t mind, please,” Jane waited for Ulfric to exit, before she gestured the to the chair from where he had been sitting. “Ms. Bennett, I am Detective Jane Wu. I just have a few questions for you regarding the state of your home and supposed disappearance, if you wouldn’t mind.”

It should have occurred to Celeste that what worked when they were truly running away wouldn’t work if they actually stayed in town. At the time, she’d been so convinced her parents could arrive at any moment that it had to look like they’d left. It would buy them time, give them control of the situation. “Yes, that’s me,” she answered, “But you can call me Celeste.” She gave Ulfric a nod as he left the room. Her mind moved at a million miles a minute thinking of what believable story she could tell the detective. Most wouldn’t believe the real story. Even here, in a spot where the supernatural flocked, there were so many normal people just going about their lives none the wiser. The truth save the supernatural elements of it was probably the best way to go. She took the seat across from Jane, patting down the retro skirt as she did. Her features were etched with concern as she answered, “Yes, of course. What did you need to know, Detective?”

Jane let out a low sigh as she sank back down into her seat to begin her new line of questioning. Now that she was absolutely certain that Celeste and Ariana weren’t buried in a ditch somewhere there was only so much she could do. At least, she thought with a sigh, it wasn’t another missing persons case. It would be a shame for two young women to go missing in this town where those types of cases were hardly solved. Jane had a sneaking suspicion that most of those cases would never be solved because of the supernatural involvement. At least it was relief that Celeste and Ariana hadn’t been eaten by anything. “Well,” Jane said as patiently as she could manage. “You could start by explaining what happened to your home that left you to stay with Ulfric. If you please.”

Celeste should have expected an explanation would be wanted. There wasn’t really a satisfying one to give, but she could try. Leave out the bits about hunters and werewolves and it still sounded plausible, right? Did normal people have parents that spent the last fifteen years chasing them so they could kill them? Humans could be shiity parents, too, right? She’d read the news enough times to know as much to be true. Maybe vague was better. She placed her hands together in her lap, only realizing now how odd hands were. Did she just leave them there? Did it make her look suspicious? She let out a breath of air and explained, “There’s some people, they want to hurt my sister and I. We’ve been running from them a while. When the house, I assumed it was them and Ulfric offered us a safe place to stay so that Ariana could finish out the school year.” Vague, probably left her with more questions than answers, but believable.

Jane stiffened slightly at the honest answer, alarm crossing her features. “Someone is after you and your sister?” And they were hiding in little White Crest. Despite the mime problem and the supernatural issue (could it really be considered a problem? Another thought for another time, really, but something to think about), it was a small town. She didn’t know anything about the Bennetts other than what was in their file. Surely there wouldn’t be mob involvement with them - though, there were crazier things. “There are people after you?” Jane said, leaning forward on her arms. “Look, Celeste, I want to help you. Whoever is after you, you need to report them officially to the police. We can place you in police protection, and figure out a way to keep them away from you. Who is after you and why?”

Maybe that hadn’t been the right approach. Celeste wasn’t sure what she could say to dissuade the detective from pursuing this any further. She sighed, “Yes.” Not wanting to offer up more information than that. Detective Wu urged her to share more, allow the police to help and provide protection, but there was no reasonable way to explain this was a threat the police couldn’t help with. Her parents were well-connected enough that they’d find a way to get to her and Ariana. They’d been after them for fifteen years now and they weren’t stopping now. A small frown was on her face as she tried to explain, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t something the police can help with. Reporting them will just draw more attention to Ariana and myself.” She racked her brain for a way to explain this in a way that made sense. Her mind briefly drifted back to how Kaden’s girlfriend rationalized the wings thing. As a last resort, the wording of medical condition could actually come in handy.

There was nothing that Jane could do. In all technicality, there were no laws broken. Just suspicion of them having been broken, and upon looking into it, there were no complaining witnesses or victims or anything. Just information that some people are after me and my little sister. Vague words, and it was clear that Celeste wasn’t going to be giving her any specific information any time soon. The police, supposedly, couldn’t help. She had heard that before, and usually people who said things like that ended up dead, one way or another. But Jane could see that there was absolutely no way she could push Celeste into giving her anymore information. A shitty part of the job was that she couldn’t help anyone unless they wanted it, unless they gave her the means for it. Jane let out a low sigh. “I implore you to change your mind, Ms. Bennett, and let me help you and your little sister.” Jane stood, before she reached into her pocket and took out her business card. After a moment’s hesitation, she grabbed a pen, and quickly wrote something on the back of it, holding it out to her. “This is my card. It has my work line on it, and I’ve given you my personal cell-phone as well. Use it if you need anything, alright?”

Part of her felt guilty. This detective seemed like a good woman and Celeste wished she could turn to the police for help. The fact of the matter was, laws hadn’t stopped her parents in the past and they wouldn’t now. Jane wanted to help, but she feared there wasn’t much she could do. There was no evidence to hold against her parents and it would require giving her real name. It was too risky, no matter how trustworthy the detective seemed. Still, she said, “I’ll think about it.” She shifted in her seat to accept the card that Detective was giving her and tucked it into her apron. Celeste doubted she’d ever use it, but it was better to have it on hand. Just in case. She patted her apron back down and expressed, “Thank you, really.” She felt bad for the detective, but at least there’d be no legal implications for Ulfric. She looked back to Jane and asked, “Was I free to go then? I may or may not have a trainee covering my section at the diner.”

Think about it. Jane was trying her best to think of any reason that she could make Celeste stay, but there was truly nothing that she could do. With a low sigh, she stood and nodded, going to get the door for Celeste. “Of course, you’re free to go.” She stuck her head out, and nodded to Ulfric as well. “You too. Thank you both for coming in and answering my questions. Let me walk you both out.” And hopefully, Celeste would call her before it was too late.

#para #para ulf #ulf #para celeste #celeste #is that a police im calling the weed

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psycheswritings · 4 years

Text

Nothing’s Fair in Love and War - One

Title: Nothing’s Fair in Love and War

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Original Female Character (Daphne Scott)

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 4770

Author’s Note: Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah for everybody. If you're not celebrating something different or not celebrating at all, feel welcome too. As promised, the first real chapter of the saga is here. Hope you all like it. Again, this haven’t been proofread, so feel free to report any mistakes back to me; warnings are expecific for each chapter. Also, your feedback is also highly appreciated.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Masterlist

Summary: Thomas Shelby wants to expand his business to London and for that to be possible he needs to form and alliance with the unpredictable Alfie Solomons. However he may get more than what he was bargaining for when he meets Daphne, a mysterious woman who works alongside the Jew gangster.

One

Buried into an unrealistic amount of paperwork the last thing Daphne thought that could happen that day was Thomas Shelby appearing at the door of the bakery asking to talk to Alfie.

She couldn’t believe it when Ollie came into her office saying that the leader of the Peaky Blinders – who was supposed to be in a hospital bed for at least two more weeks – was there waiting to talk to their boss. She stared at the younger man in front of her for what seemed like a few minutes until he spoke again.

“Josiah is holding him at the door. He doesn’t look so well but is insisting in talking to Alfie.”

“Ok, go on there and hold him for a minute while I go talk to Alfie.” The woman said while getting up from her chair and leaving the room. When she crossed the corridor towards Alfie’s office she saw the Brummie gangster in the distance. It was clear that he was giving a hard time to Josiah, who was trying to hold him back. He was impeccably dressed in a suit, something that made him quite distinguished in the middle of a distillery, but her trained eyes could see that he was in some kind of pain. Ollie made his way towards the both of them, discharging Josiah. Thomas attention was brought to her and despite the distance Daphne recognized a spark of surprise mixed with curiosity in his face.

“Ever heard of fucking knocking?” Daphne simply rolled her eyes, at least he was in a good mood.

“Thomas Shelby is here.” His reaction was immediate, lifting his gaze from the papers in his hands and looking directly at her while she approached his desk.

“Fucking what?”

“Well, you did send him the telegram, didn’t you? It was almost an invitation, you had to be expecting that he would take it.”

“Well, not so soon, love. Our associate didn’t said that he was beaten to death?” Confusion painted the gangster’s face while he looked expectantly at the woman in front of him.

“He was ambushed by Sabini and his men not a week ago.” She paused remembering what Alice had said to her. “A friend of mine who works in the hospital in Birmingham said that he was severely injured and that he would be discharged of the hospital care in more or less a month. If he was lucky.”

“Hell, what is he doing here then?”

“Trying to talk to you.” Daphne simply said. “He was giving Josiah a hard time, Ollie is holding him back now.” Alfie stood up in between a bunch of curses, heading to the door. When he passed Daphne, he stopped and looked at her before saying:

“You stay in your office. Let me deal with him. I don’t want you around this one more than what is necessary.”

“Alfie, this is really the best time for you to play big brother with me?” She almost rolled her eyes but he seemed serious so she held herself back. Goddammit, she knew how to fend for herself but he always seemed to forget it.

“Anytime is a good time to protect you from danger you don’t have to expose yourself to. I made a promise that I don’t intend on breaking.” They just stared at each other for a moment before he left the room leaving the door open for her. Daphne’s fingers immediately searched for the locket hanging in a chain around her neck, playing with it. She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the lump in her throat before following his steps out of the room. This wasn’t the moment to revisit the past. Her eyes crossed with Tommy’s when she was going back to her office and she saw the spark of interest in the way he watched her.

He was going to be trouble, that much she was certain.

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Thomas watched carefully as Alfie Solomons walked through the extent of the distillery to meet him at the door. He was still intrigued by the woman who passed by – he had done his research and none of them lead to a wife or a significant other in the Jewish gangster’s life. A sister would also appear on his radar, just like Ada did to Sabini. No, beautiful as she was and walking freely at the distillery she had to mean something important Solomons. Mistress, maybe? Thomas wasn’t inclined on believing Alfie would permit his mistress to walk around the distillery freely, commanding his business as her own. Besides, she seemed too classy to sell herself like that but appearances are deceiving. He would discover their bond one way or another.

“Put him down, Ollie. Put him down, mate. He is only little.” Ollie took a step back immediately and Thomas took one forward, towards Alfie who looked quizzically at him before asking “You on your own?”

“Seems so.” Tommy said after looking behind him almost mockingly. Alfie said nothing on the subject - the man was bold, he had to give him that. Another reason to keep Daphne as far as possible from him.

“Well, you're a brave lad, ain't you?” He started walking back to where he came from, Tommy in his heels and Ollie right behind. “You want to take a look at my bakery? We bake all sorts here, mate, yeah. Did you know we bake over ten thousand loaves a week? Can you believe it? We bake the white bread, we bake the brown bread. We bake all sorts.” The Jew stopped turning to look at Tommy, a table with glasses and a couple of bottles of what the Brummie supposed was rum right in front of them. “Would you like to try some? Bread? Yeah?” Thomas sniffed before looking between the table and Alfie. This seemed like some kind of test.

“All right.”

“What would you like, brown or white?”

“Will try the brown.”

“Brown, right.” Two glasses were poured and the both man took them. Tommy took a sip of the drink while Alfie studied his reaction closely.

“Not bad.” He stated after analyzing the contents of the glass and putting it back down on the table.

“Not bad? Not bad, huh?” They stared at each other for a few moments. “It's fucking awful that stuff. Fucking brown stuff is awful, but it's for the workers. Yeah. White stuff now, right, is for the bosses. Come look.” Them Alfie led Thomas to his office with a smiling Ollie behind them.

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“Well, I've heard very bad, bad, bad things about you Birmingham people. Tsk, tsk, eh?” Thomas looked unimpressed as he took a pack of cigarettes and matches from the table, lightening one and taking a drag. “You're gypsies, right? So what, do you live in a fucking tent or caravan?”

“I came here to discuss business with you, Mr. Solomons.” Thomas completely ignored Alfie’s attempt of putting him off by making comments about his heritage. The other man clapped his hands, leaning into the desk between them.

“Well, rum is for fun and fucking, isn't it? So, whiskey, now that, that is for business.” Alfie opened a drawer in his desk from where he took a bottle of whiskey.

“Let's talk first, eh?” Solomons scratched his beard, analyzing Tommy once again before taking back the bottle from the desk. He immediately remembered Daphne’s words from right after the moment they discovered that the Brummie and his brothers had crashed into the Eden Club, that he was underestimating the Blinders.

“Suit yourself.” While he put the whiskey back on the drawer, Alfie continued. “They say you had your life saved by a policeman!”

“I have policeman on my payroll.”

“I don’t like policeman, because policeman, they can’t be trusted.”

“Mr. Sabini uses policeman all the time. That’s why he is winning the war in London and you’re losing it.” That made the Jew’s blood boil and his answer was sharp. Maybe Daphne was right, after all.

“A war ain’t over till it’s over, mate.” Alfie narrowed his eyes, his hands closed in fists. “You were in the war?” He opened the top drawer again while talking. “I once carried out my own personal form of stigmata on a Italian. I pushed his face up against the trench and shoved a six-inch nail up his fucking nose and I hammered it home with a duckboard. It was fucking biblical, mate. So don’t come in here and sit there in my chair and tell me that I’m losing my war to a fucking wop.”

“That war was a long time ago. You need to be more realistic.” Alfie slammed the drawer shut again. He didn’t liked the fact that he could clearly picture Daphne saying the very same thing to him.

“Realistic, eh?” He leaned into the desk once again. “Realistic.”

“Well, if you weren’t losing the war then you wouldn’t have sent me that telegram.” Thomas stated taking another drag of the cigarette. He was getting where he wanted.

“Really? You forget your fucking telegram, the telegram just said “hello”.” His tone was dismissive. “Face it, you want to sell me something.” Alfie paused for a second. “What?”

“We join forces.”

“Fuck off. No. Categorical. Fucking ridiculous.” Alfie said reclining back into his chair. It was Tommy’s time to come forward and lean on the desk.

“Mr. Solomons, your distillery provides one-tenth of your income. Protection is another ten percent and the rest you make from the race tracks.” While Thomas was talking, Alfie kept toying with the drawer’s handle what made Brummie gangster annoyed. “I know you keep a gun in the drawer. I know you keep it beside the whiskey. I know you offer a deal or death.” They just stared at each other for a moment in a battle of wits. “I know what I’m saying makes you angry but I’m offering you a solution.” The Jewish gangster scratched his beard once again while Thomas continued talking. “You see, Mr. Sabini is running all your bookies off your courses. And he is closing down the premises that take your rum. And people don’t trust your protection anymore.”

“You’re the blow that shoot Billy Kimber, right?” Alfie asked pointing at Tommy. “You did, you fucking shot him. That’s you.” The Brummie just stayed silent. “You fucking betrayed him, mate. So it’ll be only appropriate to do what I’m thinking in my head to you right now.” The Jew’s right hand came to rest on the drawer’s handle. Thomas seemed unfazed by it – he didn’t care about dying anymore. He also knew that Solomons wouldn’t have send him the telegram if he wasn’t interested in his help, so he was convinced that all that was more of a demonstration of power than anything else.

“I can offer you a hundred good men, all with weapons and a new relationship with the police.”

“Intelligence. Intelligence is a very valuable thing, ain’t it, my friend. And usually it comes far too fucking late.” Alfie puts a gun at Tommy’s face then. “Let’s say I shoot you already, right, in the fucking face. And the bullet goes bone, mush, bone, cabinet, over there. Which is a shame, isn’t it? Because that cabinet is fucked, now I gotta get shot of it. So, what I do is this. It’s fucking simple, mate.” Tommy’s nose starts bleeding at the same time Alfie uncocks the gun and put it down on the table. “I cut that cabinet in half, don’t I? I do, I just cut the cabinet, I cut…” Alfie throws a handkerchief at the table towards Tommy that just ignores it and cleans the blood from his face with his hand. “I cut the cabinet literally in half, mate. And I take one half of the cabinet, right, and I put it into a barrel and take the other half of the cabinet and all its pieces and I put it into another barrel, right. And I send this barrel off to Mandalay and the other barrel to somewhere like… I don’t know. Timbuktu. Have you ever been?”

“No.”

“No? Would you like to go?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I always thought you’d have a great, big, fucking gold ring in your nose.” They just stared at each other again. “I am sorry, go on. Tell us your plan.”

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Not much time after Daphne was back in her office, Ollie came in telling that she was needed down on the bakery. She sighed before following him. It was always like that, when Alfie wasn’t available she was the one to deal with the important things. She was talking to one of their associates when she heard Alfie’s thunderous voice calling her name. He was at the door of his office searching for her. When their eyes met, Daphne raised her brows in a questioning look. He just discharged it by signing her to come over, telling the man she was talking to to wait a minute.

Alfie waited for her at the door, putting a protective hand at her back when she reached him. Daphne did not question him, she just entered the office with him right behind her back. Thomas was standing, waiting for her, intrigued by the interaction between her and the Jewish gangster. She noticed the bottle of whiskey on the desk beside two glasses. Then Alfie got what he wanted, after all. But when didn’t he? That was the reason why he wanted her there - he knew she would have to deal with the Shelby’s now that they were officially doing business together and he wanted to have control on how she would met their leader. It was somewhat of laying a claim on her for protection but at the same time, it showed that she was leading things as much as he was.

“Tommy, mate, this is my second in command, my right hand woman, Daphne.” It didn’t go unnoticed by Tommy or Daphne the lack of addressing her last name.

“Thomas Shelby.” He offered her his hand that she took while saying.

“I know.” That made him smile and Alfie scratched his beard in thinking, once again.

“Okay, I made you acquainted because you’ll probably deal with her when I’m not available. Daphne knows everything about the business, probably more than me, mate. So, you fucking respect her and everything should be fine.” That sparked Thomas curiosity - so she worked for Solomons. It was unusual for a man like Alfie to have a woman as his right hand. Of course he had Polly as his second in line but she was family and family should be trusted and put above all. These two didn’t seemed related and yet there was one of the most feared gangster’s in London trusting his business to a woman that Thomas didn’t knew what meant to him. Yet.

“Wouldn’t think otherwise.” Thomas eyes were fixed on her and Daphne noticed for the first time how blue they were. She should feel intimidated, probably, but all she felt was curious. They were interrupted by a knock on the door, it was Ollie.

“I’m sorry, Alfie, but Mr. Sawyer insists on talking to one of you right this moment.” The Jew gangster sighed.

“Fucking hell, that man. Daph, can you…”

“No way. You talk to him. I will take Mr. Shelby to the door, it seems your business here is already finish.” She looked between the two men. “For now.” She left the office without looking back, waiting for the Brummie just outside. Mr. Sawyer appeared in her field of vision with Ollie, making a beeline to her.

“Oh, if it’s not a sight for sore eyes.” The older man kissed the back of Daphne’s hand right, lingering for a little more than was appropriated, in the moment that Tommy and Alfie appeared at the door. Daphne didn’t seemed intimidated or uncomfortable, just annoyed.

“Leave the poor woman alone, Sawyer. Let’s talk business.” Mr. Sawyer said something that Daphne didn’t bothered to take in before he entered Alfie’s office with Ollie on his heels, she was distracted by the feeling of Thomas eyes on her.

“Quite famous around here, aren’t you.” Was all he said when they were left alone in the hall. She just smiled and started walking towards the exit.

“You could say so.”

“Didn’t knew Alfie had a woman.” He commented, trying to fish for information - information that Daphne wasn’t willing to share yet.

“Believe me when I say that Alfie doesn’t have any problem finding women.”

“You’re what, his mistress?” That made Daphne stop in her tracks and turn to look him in the eye. They were already at the front doors and Tommy took the opportunity to take her in better in the light of day– she wore white blouse and light brown skirts that stopped a little above her ankles, boots on her feet. He didn’t noticed many jewelry, just a ring on her left hand, some earrings and a golden locket hanging from her neck. Thomas also noticed that she had hazel eyes that were looking at him with a hint of amusement that he did not expect.

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” She saw a glimpse of surprise in his features caused by her answer, so she continued. “Don’t take me for a fool, Mr. Shelby. Besides, there are things better left unknown. Now, if that’s all, I think you’re free to go. Have a good day, Mr. Shelby.” With that she smiled and left him there, speechless, watching her disappear inside the distillery asking himself where the hell did she came from.

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More than an hour after she had left Thomas at the door, Alfie stepped into her office and took a sit in one of the chairs in front of her desk. She did her best to ignore his presence, not taking her eyes of the book she was working on, but it was really difficult to do that when he made his mission to keep moving in the chair, puffing every second and making noises indicating his annoyance to drawn her attention. When she couldn’t bear it anymore she put the pencil down and looked straight into his eyes, making him stop shuffling around.

“Do you need something, Alfie?”

“Aye, actually I do.” He kept staring at her and she just raised a brown in acknowledgment. She knew exactly what he wanted – her opinion on Thomas Shelby – but she wouldn’t make things easier for him. “What did you think about the gypsy?” She hated his word use - especially his tone - but choose to ignore it. You had to know how to pick your battles and that one could wait.

“You already know what I think about it.”

“I know what you think about doing business with him not of him in itself.” Alfie explained, pressing her for an analyses and Daphne let out a heavy breath, leaning into the chair.

“He is trouble.” She paused for a moment thinking about their brief interaction. “He is overconfident, overly ambitious and he is fearless.” Alfie could see the conflict in her eyes. “He is dangerous, Alfie. That’s what he is.”

“Well, I’m dangerous too, love.”

“It’s different.” She picked the pencil from the table and started to play with it. “It’s like you are two sides of the same coin, it’s just… I don’t know how to feel about him.”

“Did he tried something in his way out?” She noticed the hide concern in his question - Alfie was good in disguising his worries about her as something just business related.

“No. He just assumed I was your mistress. He’s very bold, we have to give him that.” A smile crept up onto her face.

“Mistress? The lad is out of his mind, that’s what he is.” He leaned closer to the table, anger seeping through his features.

“He’s not the first to assume that and he won’t be the last.” Alfie knew that it was true. He had heard the rumors around Camden about them both being romantically involved. When he came back from the war with the beautiful girl in his heels people just assumed, in particular because she went to live with him. Bu things were not like that for them – they were like brother and sister and Alfie hated that people just assumed that she had to be opening her legs for him. “You didn’t help it by not revealing my surname.”

“I just wanted to know what he knew about us. He clearly had done his fair share of research. Even knew where I was supposed to keep the gun.”

“It’s only fair, you’ve had done your research on him too.”

“And now we know that he didn’t knew about you. We can use that to our advantage.” They stayed quiet for a while, just staring at nothing, both deep in thought.

“Do you really think it was a good idea to make a deal with him?” Daphne knew they had to do something about the war against Sabini but was still unsure if the Peaky Blinders were worth the trouble.

“We need to win the war, Daph. We will just use him and after that we part ways, aye?”

“That’s the thing, Alfie, I don’t believe that Thomas Shelby is one to be discarded that easily.”

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“There’s something bothering you.” Polly had noticed it since her nephew had come back from London. A hint of something she could not quite figure out.

“There is a woman.” Thomas simple said taking another drag of his cigarette.

“A woman?” Polly was confused.

“Yep.”

“With Solomons?” Thomas nodded. “Well, a wife would have been mentioned. Maybe she is his mistress?”

“I thought about that but I don’t believe so. She is acquainted with the business. He introduced her as his second in command.” The older woman raised her brows in thinking.

“Second in command. Interesting choice of words.”

“Indeed. She appears to be highly educated and the men seem to trust her. Solomons certainly does.” He had been thinking about his short interaction with the mysterious woman – Daphne, the name swayed in his mouth as whiskey, sweet and smooth. She had been on the back of his mind since then, usually the only thing that kept his mind off thinking about the letter in his pocket.

“Well, you better discover who she is. If he has her in so high regards it could be of some value being in her good sides.” Polly was right, of course, Daphne could be an asset to them, but Tommy wanted to discover who she was for entirely different reasons.

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The Garrison was packed - people everywhere for the grand reopening of the pub. Tommy wasn't really in the mood for partying, but he had to keep the appearances. The last few days haven't been the easiest ones for him - Aunt Polly was giving him the cold shoulder because he couldn't reveal where her son was, Arthur had been on edge after killing a boy in the boxing ring, he had to sort some things out about the deal with Solomons and on top of it all, Grace's letter had been sitting on his pocket since Lizzie gave it to him.

For all of that, he found himself sitting alone at one of the tables at the back of the pub, staring at the envelope in front of him. He lit a match and set it on fire just as Polly entered through the back door. She just ignored him and his calls after her, going straight to the party. Not long after Ada entered the pub, Polly immediately going after her niece. Tommy took a glass of champagne for Ada at the same time Esme took Karl from his sister. He made his way to the two women.

“Hello, Ada.” Polly stopped talking mid-sentence, exhaling loudly before leaving them. The gangster handed the glass of champagne to his sister.

“Tommy.” She noticed the tension between his brother and their aunt.

“What do you think, eh?” The two of them start to walk, Ada observing their surroundings.

“It's very, hum...”

“Gold?” He asked with humor.

“Yeah.” Then John appears, hugging Ada and they talk to each other briefly. When he is gone, she turns to talk to Tommy once again. “So what do you want me to say to her?”

“Just talk to her. Nobody can get through to her. Tell her I have no choice.” Ada nods towards him. “I appreciate this.” He observes as Ada leaves him to talk to Polly. The older woman looks at him with disdain while talking to her niece, before leaving to talk with a young man in the other side of the room. He was about to return to the back room when a furor at the front door caught his attention.

There at the doors of the Garrison was Daphne, in a beautiful velvet dress, the deep green of the fabric complimenting beautifully the color of her eyes, making them spark in the light. She held a black coat in one of her arms and a folder in the other. The sight of her took Tommy aback - the woman had been haunting his thoughts for days in a row. She searched the room for Tommy and when her eyes found his she smiled.

He didn’t needed to look around to know that almost all of the heads in the room had turned to her or that people were analyzing the beautiful stranger smiling to the leader of the Peaky Blinders. She started to walk towards him and Tommy couldn’t avoid staring at the way the fabric of her dress brushed over the black stockings covering her legs or the way her hips moved from side to side.

“Mr. Shelby.” They shook hands holding each other gazes.

“Daphne. I would address you properly if I knew your last name.”

“Daphne works fine for me.” She simply answered with a smirk on her face. Thomas almost smiled to himself - she what game he was playing and wasn’t going to give in that easily.

“You are here for the party?”

“Unfortunately, no. Alfie sends you his regards and some papers that need tend to.” She said showing him the folder in her hands.

“And he sent you all the way from London at this hour just to give me some papers?” Her smile only grew at his direct approach.

“Contrary to popular belief my life doesn’t revolve around Alfie’s.” The way she addressed the Jew gangster so casually wasn’t lost to him. Neither did the fact that she had no problem talking back at him - he didn’t intimidate her and Thomas found that amusing. “I was visiting a friend at the hospital and since I was already there it was only logical bringing you the documents.” A friend in the hospital – that could be useful to his research.

“Alfie really trusts you.”

“We have history.” Tommy couldn’t quite explain why her statement bothered him. It was obvious that Daphne and Alfie shared a strong bond or he would not let her around dealing with his business. He also knew that she wasn’t his wife but she didn’t denied being his mistress, although he didn’t believed in it being true considering her reaction towards his questioning at the bakery. The simple thought of it being true made him angry.

“I don’t believe in the sight before my eyes. If it isn’t Daphne Scott here in the good old Small Heat!”

“Ada Thorne. Back to your hometown, I see” The two woman shared a long hug while a very confused Tommy watched the interaction.

“Just visiting the family.” Ada looked at Tommy and he noticed that one of Daphne’s hand instantly searched for the golden locket that rested hidden between her breasts. “What are you doing here? And where did you had the displeasure of meeting one of my brothers?” Daphne and Tommy shared a glance towards one another before she spoke again.

“Thomas is working with my boss, I was collateral damage.” Ada looked at her brother and then at her friend.

“Well, you better keep your eyes open because this one is trouble.”

“Yeah, I figured that much.” Ada noticed the way Tommy’s eyes sparkled hearing Daphne – a hint of his mischievous old self. She smiled to herself since the pair seemed too lost into each other to notice. Maybe it was a good thing they had met after all.

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mysaldate · 4 years

Note

!!! Similar to what you did with Kamanue (the babiest baby of all babies) could you please write a mini analysis/general hcs for Susamaru? I love her so much

@kimetsuno-yaiba-imagines This probably isn’t you but I’m writing about your girl so I thought I’d tag you. Sorry if I don’t do her justice!

So this is then the third in the General + Past headcanon series! I’ll link the other two at the end of this post just in case anyone is interested in my takes on the others.

General Susamaru headcanons

I’ll open it up with the obvious this time. You would hardly find a more playful demon than Maru-chan. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like playing with her, if she says you will, you don’t have the right to refuse. If you try that, she will make sure you know why it’s a bad idea. You will be lucky if you live to get another chance.

It doesn’t even matter all that much whether it would be playing with the temari or with something else, though if you choose the former, she will be much more pleased. But she will also enjoy other outdoor activities. Sports, of course, are her strongest suit.

She is quite good at most calmer activities as well. Most board games are a-ok with her. She doesn’t appreciate long strategy-based games though so don’t bother asking her for a game of chess. The most you would get out of her is playing for a few minutes before she would start flinging the pawns at you.

Karaoke. Take her to a karaoke night and you’re about to witness a real monster. You thought you took a cute girl out for a date? Hah! This cute girl will utterly destroy you no matter what song you pick. She can do anything, and I mean absolutely anything, from opera to metal, her vocal range is just as impressive as her football skills.

Despite all of this, she will still enjoy it when you call her cute – even if she won’t tell you. She might scoff and deny it, saying she’s powerful and scary and cool but there’s really a little part deep inside her that still enjoys that for reasons I will more expand on later.

She tends to get carried away really easily. It’s not unlikely for her to receive a mission that’s supposed to be stealthy but end up entirely blowing up the place. But well, if nobody is alive to tell the tale, she did technically go unnoticed, right? It’s not like anyone can pin the blame on her if she’s quick enough to disappear before anyone can come and doesn’t leave a trace.

She has a lower pain tolerance than most other demons. Why? Not sure. But when you compare her reaction to Muzan’s curse activating to other demons’ reactions to having their heads off (Rui, Enmu, Wakuraba) or getting their whole body sliced to pieces (spider sister), she still does feel like someone who feels more than she probably should. Or it might just be because Muzan’s curse is simply THAT painful, I’ll leave this one up to you (if it is the pain tolerance, it could hint at something I will mention later on so stay tuned!). Also she actually shrieked when Yushiro punched her and that didn’t even draw blood.

Another one to really idolize and adore Muzan, as seen from her confrontation of Tamayo. While it’s true we never saw any other demon being confronted with anything like that, it’s not unlikely that few of them would react anywhere near the extent of her anger. Much like Tanjiro points out, she is very childish so it’s not completely impossible she sees Muzan as a sort of father figure as well.

I imagine she also hasn’t been a demon for a long time, and neither has Yahaba. Since they don’t seem to know about the eyeball engraving for the Demon Moons and simply believe they’re part of them because Muzan told them so, they probably haven’t met anyone higher in the hierarchy other than Muzan himself.

It’s true that they have only been put together with Yahaba for that one mission but that doesn’t rule out the possibility of them seeing each other before. Naturally, they didn’t talk or anything since demons can’t really group up together for the most part. But it is possible they have at least a little idea about each other’s abilities as well. After all, Tokyo is only so big, it’s highly unlikely they would never run into each other.

She is a surprisingly humble girl for someone of her flashiness. After all, she doesn’t mind Yahaba giving her instructions and even though she clearly finds his worries about dust to be ridiculous, she never puts him down for it. They don’t really bicker either, nor do we ever see him complaining he didn’t support her enough. Oh and let’s not forget she didn’t really think there was a house being hidden and just acted on Yahaba’s orders during the first attack. And she did admit he was right. She also has no issues recognizing Nezuko’s strength. She’s really not a proud girl, just very very dedicated and certain they could win since Muzan trusts in them enough to give such an important mission to them.

Susamaru backstory headcanons

I’ll start, again, by the type of background I see her growing up in. This time, I am quite sure it was a rich family. Not insanely rich but the colour of her kimono as well as the colourful sash were usually a sign of power, influence, money. Not to mention the stripped inner yukata she wears, they’re usually made in plain colours unless you want to show you can afford better. She also has what appears to be pearl earrings, those would without a doubt be expensive. And even if they’re not pearls, the fact she’s the only demon in the series to wear earrings (and the only character aside from Tanjiro’s family) seems to hint on something because as we’ve already estabilished, the past has a lot to do with a demon’s clothes.

But don’t get the wrong idea, they weren’t rich by inheritance or family fortune, both her parents worked very hard to make that kind of money. It’s probable they owned a large company, possibly with an overseas branch (remember the story of KNY is set in early 1910′s so she would become a demon some time before that) that kept them busy most of the time.

Another option is that they might even be a samurai family, just a lesser known one than Kokushibo’s, a smaller clan if you will. And possibly did some business too because by then, it was no longer very benefitial to just be a samurai since the industrialization and all.

Either way, they had little to no time for her. And she didn’t have any siblings. She saw her mother more than her father who was practically absent from her life. This lead to her often being very lonely. And that’s not even mentioning her tomboyish tendencies that caused the girls from her neighbourhood not to want to play with her. Girls playing with boys was being frowned upon, especially since she came from an influential family.

Basically, she needed to be a “proper lady” regardless of whether she wanted to or not simply not to bring shame to her family. She hated it, naturally, but there was little she could do about it. It didn’t get better when she got older.

She might have had a cat. Since temaris are often used to play with them, maybe the cat was the only companion she had. I feel like she’s the type who’d pick up a stray kitten and then refuse to give it up even when her parents (or mother since her dad was never home) were against it. She might have even pulled the “You don’t have time for me so let me have this” card.

She wasn’t even the age to get married yet and people around were already saying she would never find anyone. A lot of them mentioned she’s just not cute, not suited to be a wife, not womanly enough, too wild, too loud, not gentle enough. Her mom often cried over that and it made Maru-chan feel kinda bad. Still, it was a part of herself and she didn’t want to give it up.

She has first met Muzan when she was still quite a little kid. She was hanging out around the house after the sun has gone down, playing with her cat when he walked by. Being the mischievous and fearless kid she was, she threw the temari at him, then straight-up went to ask him if he wanted to play with her.

He was quite tempted to just kill her then and there but she showed a good amount of courage by approaching him in the first place and she didn’t shrink back after seeing his red eyes. I have a feeling she might even call him cool which fluttered his ego just enough to let the little cupcake live. No, he didn’t play with her.

It wasn’t too long before the troubles of owning a large corporation caught up to them. Her mother ran away with a lover who paid her more attention than her husband and Maru-chan was left alone with their few house servants and her always busy father. In hopes to make it up to her, her father started giving her many presents, such as the afforementioned earrings but, naturally, none of that could really replace the human contact she needed (I imagine she could be some 10-12).

Now for the theory regarding pain tolerance. My theory is that a demon’s ability to tolerate pain grows based on how old they were when they were turned and how much blood have they received over time as well as the number of humans they have devoured. For example, Rui was turned at a very young age but he is a Lower Moon, he received a large amount of blood and he devoured a lot of people, thus, he was able to cut his own head off without much any issue. Rui’s spider mother, however, didn’t receive that much blood and most likely didn’t devour nearly as many people as he did. As a result, both Rui and the spider father could easily cause her a lot of pain. The spider sister was turned into a demon when she was older than her and she ate a fair share of humans so even when Rui cut her body to pieces, she was able to pick herself up rather quickly and run off with just a few hisses. As for where does Maru-chan come in, we know she received a fair amount of Muzan’s blood because she says so to Yahaba. In spite of this, Yushiro’s punch is enough to make her scream out and Muzan’s curse hurts her to the point of tears even before ripping through her. So my explanation for this is, she was turned into a demon at a young age and she didn’t eat that many humans.

Basically, I believe that after her mom left, she no longer had anyone to spend time with in her house, nobody who would care for her. So after her kitty inevitably left this world, she was all alone. This is around the second time she ran into Muzan. And it was she who recognized him before he could recognize her. Once more, she ran up to him, this time not asking to play but rather asking why was he there.

She was very contact starved, alright? Chatting with him was the closest she got to a proper talk since her mom left. And he didn’t really have anything more important to do back then so he suffered through her complaining about her life. She certainly had a lot of bitterness inside of her at that point and she still had that childish courage from when they first met. And she was also just desperate enough that when he asked if she wanted to go with him, she nodded to it without a second thought.

One of the main reasons she admires Muzan so much is that he was the first person to fully accept her. He took her in when her own mother ran away and her father couldn’t care less as long as she didn’t bother him.

The reason she doesn’t look that young is simply because, as mentioned, some demons can shapeshift. Her powers are far from as impressive as Muzan’s but she can at least alter her physical age slightly. Seeing as Muzan can shapeshift to the point where he changes even his own aura and even his fellow demons have troubles recognizing him makes her strive to be like him. The fact that she can do just a speck of what he can is what draws her closer to him. And also why that final betrayal when she gets killed by his curse hurts so much more than just physically.

Previous demons in this series: Kamanue | Enmu

Wow, these things are getting longer and longer the more of them I do xD

#kny #kimetsu no yaiba #susamaru #kny susamaru #kny headcanons #kny imagines

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miss-inkwell · 5 years

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Chloe analysis

So I’ve been rewatching season one and two because in order to do a proper analysis I need Chloe from day one.

I have a lot issues with Chloe even though she’s not as bad as before.

I still have to address what she’s done so this is gonna be long.

Her past issues and good moments will definitely be mentioned.

Bullying

She was a straight up bully all she did was humiliate others and treat them like garbage. She’s also a total brat and treats Sabrina like a slave and that’s only addressed in the evillustrator. She shoved a poster of Adrien in girls faces to make them jealous and upset. She even said to Sabrina she’s not crying enough that’s just awful. Also when she was laughing at Kim confessing his love that was cruel. There are more examples unfortunately that she does.

I can see how she just doesn’t care about others feelings because her mom doesn’t care about her and treats others with disrespect. Which is part of the reason why I feel so bad for her because she just isn’t loved.

I may be listing a lot of her mistakes in this but she stating them along with her good moments are crucial.

(This was supposed to be a gif of Chloe laughing at Kim while he has food on him but for some reason the gif isn't working)

Parents and Other Adults

A lot of people think that she gets her traits from her mom which is true but she also gets her behaviour from her father. She uses her father’s influence for everything because she knows she can get what she wants. It doesn’t help that the adults are extremely incompetent and total pushovers, I mean she got Alya expelled in Lady Wifi and she did nothing wrong! ( the same thing Lila did to Marinette) The mayor of Paris abuses his power so much he got Roger fried because he wouldn’t break the law for him!

She also called the fire department for no reason she should have been punished greatly for that! In Darkblade when they were running for class rep she said that the she’ll do what her dad does which is ruin her opponents reputation. How can you display this kind of example to a 14 year old girl!?

Her mom is equally terrible she just fires people and treats them as lower class citizens and Chloe mimics her behaviour with the insults and the “utterly ridiculous” thing! I know it was meant to be comical and at times it was because Audrey is as extra as Chloe. The way her mother acts though is just despicable. Chloe went through a lot and I did feel bad for her though when she wanted to take Marinette to New York and not Chloe. The fact that she called her unexceptional was just awful! Her parents are terrible examples for her and she needs a better role model in her life. I know Jean Claude tries but he can only do so much especially since she disrespects him greatly.

It really doesn’t help that her father dotes on her and does whatever she wants. It unfortunately increases her vanity because he buys her so many things.

Vanity

Chloe thinks very highly of her appreance to point where it’s very shallow. She probably looked at herself in the mirror a lot when she was little too. That’s an issue because even though it’s not a bad thing to care about your looks if care too much you can become very self absorbed like Chloe. She really only cares about herself and what she can gain. Ladybug on the other hand is someone she admires and who she should look up to.

Her relationships with others

Ladybug

Ladybug is someone that she admires and wants to be like. At first it seemed more for attention and less for heroism but it changed a little over time. Once she became Queen Bee she again wanted to be noticed but it was more to appeal to her horrible mother.

I believe she was at her happiest when she was fighting alongside Ladybug in Maledikator, “I always dreamed of doing this...with you.” she said. I really loved the rooftop scene with Ladybug and how much Chloe trusts and cares about Ladybug definitely the best relationship she has.

Things went a little downhill when Ladybug wasn’t honest with her in Miraculer. She had her reasons because Chloe made herself a target for HawkMoth. We were lead to believe that she gave up on Ladybug, but she defended her in Stormy Weather 2. I also don’t think Chloe holds grudges she’s just petty and believes she’ll be the bee again. I do really hope that her relationship with Ladybug continues in a positive sense because they work well together.

Marinette

She bullied and teased Marinette her for 3 years and possibly more so it’s no shock as to why Marinette doesn’t like her. She doesn’t do at as much anymore just slight teasing but not to a harsh extent. We never learn why she picked on her so much or on others which is unfortunate. How she acts now is still bad but they don’t interact as much so we don’t see how they are now.

Marinette and Chloe’s family life is contrasted well with Marinette’s supportive and loving family vs Chloe’s. Something else that was great was Marinette’s comment at the end of Zombizu she has a heart but doesn’t know how to use it and she’ll learn if they set a positive example I love that! I really hope that they continue that positive example because it’s kinda working.

However Marinette and Chloe have a similar character flaw which is jealousy which is shown in Animastro. They try these stupid pranks on Kagami which isn’t taken seriously but still shouldn’t be encouraged. At the same time now that she’s so focused on being a hero I don’t think she cares about Marinette anymore. I do think it’ll be good for both of them if they work together positively or just hang out casually.

Sabrina

This is her worst relationship, Sabrina and Chloe are toxic together. Sabrina may enjoy serving Chloe but that doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t help that Chloe doesn’t do anything nice for her. From season one it’s gone horribly wrong and is still bad. In the evilustrator Marinette calls Chloe out on it and then Sabrina starts to worship Marinette and thinks she has to start doing her homework and stuff. The worst part is that nothing is solved Sabrina doesn’t learn the value of a healthy friendship because she goes back to Chloe. Her behaviour towards Sabrina is really never addressed again and that bothers me.

In Antibug Jean Claude said that arguing with Sabrina is the norm, which consists of insults. Sabrina has unfortunately taken some of Chloe’s terrible traits because she does her bidding. Locking Juleka in the bathroom in Reflekta for example. In Startrain the adults do nothing again her dad is just like protect and serve when Sabrina was talking about serving Chloe. Roger your daughter is being treated like a slave she should be treated with respect!

Sabrina doesn’t understand that being someone’s servant isn’t friendship. I know everyone is really happy that Chloe was protecting Sabrina from the akuma but I just want to know how did we get from Chloe treating Sabrina like a slave to Chloe protecting her? How much will she change after this season? I think in some capacity she does care for Sabrina because we saw in Miraculer that they play together and Chloe seems to enjoy her company. We need to see that more, Chloe liking Sabrina and wanting her around as a friend. She did say that Sabrina was her friend in Miraculer but I’m still skeptical about their relationship.

However even if she does care about her the damage has already been done and I don’t think it can be repaired without it feeling rushed.

Adrien

We haven’t fully gone into her relationship with him just that they grew up together and Chloe cares about him. Adrien cares about her but wants her to be nicer to others which sort of happenes in Despair Bear but it was forced because she didn’t really want to be nice to anyone she was doing it for Adrien. However she did help Ladybug when she was in a tight spot but a few good deeds does not a hero make. Adrien and Chloe haven’t been seen hanging out together as much so we don’t really know how he is with her now. Another thing is the party that was thrown that Adrien was against I don’t blame them for being happy that their bully is leaving but I am also on Adrien’s side because no one is useless. It seemed a little mean spirited yet understandable.

The Bee Arc

A lot of people consider this her redemption arc but I disagree. Those two episodes plus Malediktator are character development episodes so that we can understand her more but not necessarily forgive her. There where only two Chloe moments before this to help her character. Zombizu and Despair Bear which I appreciate. Audrey is terrible and should see Chloe for who she is and how exceptional she is. The fact that she wants to be like her is scary. I think my only issue with Queen Wasp was when Marinette brought them together by saying how horrible they where. I love Marinette but this was wrong she should have said some like spend time together see that other people matter and treat others with respect. Finding similar interests that are positive that they can bond over. Perhaps saying that Chloe can make friends if she tries and looks at how she treats others and why it’s not ok. It may not work because they are both so self absorbed to do that but it might have helped somehow.

I think she could do better if she tried, being a hero will definitely make her better. I also think she should be around good people and really notice what others do. She has done a few sensible things like genuinely apologizing and trapping the akuma in Startrain. However this doesn’t automatically mean she’s a good person she still has her issues.

Chloe’s moments

Zombizou was a great character moment for her which was before the bee arc. Sabrina said her mom doesn’t remember her birthday. So because she doesn’t seem to be a fan of birthdays and she was jealous she ruined her gift. Even though she really did want to give her a gift. Chloe being mean and ruining things again was bad but necessary. When she apologized to Ms. Bustier I was so proud of her I need more of that. She did give her a gift and that was great.

Chloe is really smart in Style Queen she still tries to help Ladybug at the risk of becoming a glitter statue. In Style Queen we are shown how she interacts with her mother and just wants her love and attention.

She had every right to be pissed when Audrey chose Marinette over her. She had been trying to get her attention for most of her life! Also she’s never been to New York so the fact that she’s taking Marinette must hurt. All she wants is for her mother to be impressed by her. Her calling her unexceptional was the last straw so she decides to become a hero to prove herself. She may have gone about it the wrong way by creating a dangerous situation but I actually sympathize with her. All she wants his her mother’s love and attention.

Her mother ripping her apart on live tv after she failed was definitely hard for her. It was so tough that she gave up and unfortunately was the victim to HawkMoth. “A fallen hero” appropriate Hawkmoth, and when he calls her exceptional and she says she’ll teach them to respect her that says a lot. Unfortunately once again live her mother just says she’s unexceptional, but Ladybug and Chat are there to tell her that it’s ok to make mistakes and I love that. So by doing the right thing she shows how exceptional she is. When she apologizes and smiles it was so genuine. When she asked her mom why she doesn’t love her that was sad. I need more interactions like that from those three it’s so good.

In Malediktor she was definitely in the wrong for reacting like that to her father. She thinks that her dad should just have the power to do anything she wants even if it’s impossible. However after her genuine talk with Ladybug she got it all out. She thinks of herself as useless and that she has no friends so that she really should leave Paris. Seeing the real side of Chloe her she’s being really emotional unfortunately what she’s saying is true about having no friends. She wants to serve a purpose and fix her mistake and it was great! Her fighting with Ladybug was super sweet and the party for Queen Bee was great. More interactions with Ladybug and Marinette please!

In Miraculer she really wanted to be the bee again to work with Ladybug but unfortunately since her safety is on the line she can’t. Fighting off the akuma was very powerful and a great moment for her. She believed in herself and in Ladybug I loved that. When she did work with Ladybug she was really good she went after Mayura and was really worried that Ladybug would think she’s incompetent. That episode really shows how much she cares about Ladybug and how even though she loves being a hero messing really affects her. It also really shows how she views herself which reflects on how much she loves Ladybug. Chloe declining Mayura’s offer and freaking out when she lost her is a lot of character development for Chloe. In the end she’s disappointed in Ladybug because she loved being a hero yet she should have been told sooner. Chloe was disappointed but she handed it pretty well.

My problem

My issue with Chloe is that she has done a lot of horrible things to others yet it’s mostly forgotten. Also the adults in this show are very incompetent and horrible even Ms. Bustier who was my favourite. Also we haven’t seen a lot of Chole since Lila arrived so we don’t witness her growth. When she is present she’s either being a brat or trying to be good. The barley brings up how much of a bully she was to others so that’s a little frustrating. Her best moments when she does something good are usually Ladybug focused which isn’t bad bad I want her to have great moments with other classmates.

There are no consequences for others actions only scolded sometimes. She may have not ‘caused’ akumas but that doesn’t mean she’s a good person or redeemed. It would have been great if she could learn from time to time in season two. You don’t need to have a Chloe episode in order for her to have character development. She can have an episode with Marinette or Adrien helping in some way or fixing something. It happens a lot with other side characters that Marinette interacts with so it’s possible.

My stance on Chloe

Even though Chloe is a brat who treats Sabrina horribly I still kinda like her. She does want to be a super hero but now she can’t because she announced herself (because she’s ridiculous) to the world. She’s so ridiculous and extra that so I don’t really take her seriously. However I judge her when she’s doing something wrong. Her brattiness is kind of endearing because she’s not causing a lot of harm. She’s still like a kid in a sense with still having her bear and wanting to do makeup on her dad. Also I feel really bad for her because she never really had a good influence in her life that she listened too. I don’t necessarily want her to completely change her bratty behaviour because it’s a part of who she is. She has had a few moments where she does good things but I want that to continue.

Plus she has the best transformation sequence but that’s beside the point.

Overall I really want Chloe to change and grow, if not this season then the next. She has the potential to be good she just hasn’t fully grasped it yet. She needs more episodes and to show that she has changed and showing her interactions with Marinette, Ladybug and Adrien. Setting a good example for her and showing her kindness will definitely help. Delving into details about herself and maybe helping Ladybug without being Queen Bee more often would be nice. It would be nice if she was the Bee again she’s great. As well as making up for her mistakes and apologizing more would be great. I decided to make this post because Chloe may have grown a little but that doesn’t excuse what she’s done and keeps doing. Since Lila is the new Chloe we put her off to the side unfortunately.

Hope you all enjoyed it making these analysis posts are very interesting and fun. I also hope that I didn’t ramble, repeat myself or use too many examples.

Thank you and have a great day!

#miraculous ladybug #chloe bourgeois #ml analysis #ml season 3 #character study #ml season 2 #ml season 1 #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #ml miracle queen

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winterskywrites · 5 years

Note

Could you do a sequel to the Lyle staying with Brainy story but, Lyles response to Brainy when he was doing everything he could to find his role from the previous season.

This is the sequel to this.

“What the hell are you wearing?”

Brainy looks down at himself. “One of Winn’s cardigans.”

“And why are you wearing one of Winn’s cardigans?” Lyle demands. It’s not that Brainy looks bad in the cardigan, but he looks… weird. It’s not his style, and it makes Lyle almost uncomfortable to look at him.

Brainy avoids Lyle’s gaze, which is how Lyle immediately knows he’s not going to like whatever he says next. “I believe Alex resents me for not being Winn. Thus, I am doing my best to replace Winn as smoothly as possible, and part of that includes dressing like him.”

Lyle stares. “Wait, you what?”

Brainy looks highly uncomfortable, to the extent that, if they were talking about anything else, Lyle would probably let it go. This, though, he thinks they need to talk through.

“I’m having difficulties fitting in here,” Brainy admits hesitantly. “You’ve seen some of the troubles I’ve been having at the DEO. And so-”

“And so you’re trying to be someone else, because you think that’ll help you fit in better,” Lyle says flatly. “Brainy, that’s ridiculous. If these people don’t like you for who you are, then screw them.”

“Lyle!”

“No, I’m serious!” Lyle protests. “I know this is Supergirl and her sister, and I know you want to be their friends, but that doesn’t mean you should try to be someone you’re not for them. Do you really want the friendship of someone who doesn’t care about the real you?”

Brainy looks miserable. “It’s not that they don’t care, it’s just-”

“Brainy,” Lyle says firmly, “you should be who you are, one hundred percent. Don’t dial it down for anyone. If people don’t like you for you, you don’t need them.” He offers him a small smile. “Anyway, you’ll always have me, I can promise you that much.”

“Thank you,” Brainy says quietly. “Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I ought to go to the DEO in my normal clothes and attempt to simply talk with Alex.”

“I think that’s a good plan,” Lyle agrees. “You should do that.”

And if he’s planning on turning invisible and following, just to make sure Alex is properly appreciating Brainy and all of his hard work? Well, he’s Brainy’s boyfriend, that’s his prerogative. He’s not going to let Brainy get taken advantage of by people who don’t care about him. He doesn’t like to think that Supergirl and her sister could be those sorts of people, but…

Well, if they are, Lyle will react the same way he’d react if it were anyone else, and he’ll make sure they know exactly what they’re doing wrong.

#lyle norg #invisible kid #querl dox #brainiac 5 #brainylyle #brainy x lyle #querl x lyle #brainiac 5 x lyle #supergirl #my writing #prompt #anonymous

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writing-royza · 5 years

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Tainted Blood, Tainted Soul: Chapter Twenty-nine - Sin and Strategy

A/N: Happy Sunday, everyone! I'm sorry that the gaps in between updates are slipping; things have heated up with summer, both socially and in terms of weather! Between trying to hide from the heat, building my artwork catalog for an upcoming convention, and working on other personal projects and taking time off to relax, writing has to be penciled in wherever I can find room. But I'm still working away on it, and this story is nearing its climax. Hopefully the tasty little bit of sin included this week makes up for the wait. Enjoy!

I do not own FMA.

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Chapter Twenty-nine - Sin and Strategy

CITY STREETS, JADAD, ISHVAL 0927 HOURS, APRIL 28TH

The morning sun was already heating the sand as the two men made their way through the wakening city toward the residential district and their Amestrian guests. Scar moved confidently, clearing a path through the pedestrians as Miles followed close on his heels, glancing up occasionally from the report in his hands to keep his bearings.

"A baker on the north end of the city sent word that he spotted someone on the roof of his neighbour's house when he rose early to get get ready for work," he read aloud. "He reported it to a guard, who checked with the neighbours, but found no one that seemed like they might be suffering from a vampire bite. All were wearing protection charms all night."

"Good." The possibility remained, of course, that it was a simple burglary with the thief spotted halfway through the act, but Scar decided that was the lesser of two possible evils and put it aside. Common, small-time criminals could wait until after the more dangerous threat had been removed.

"All other remarks from the night guards are either irrelevant, or noting people out and about for legitimate reasons," Miles continued, flipping to the second page of the report. "Fetching a healer for a sick child, a midwife in another case, and, lastly, a young lover sneaking home after a visit to his sweetheart."

"At least this creature can't change its face, like the Homonculus Envy," Scar mused aloud. "Things are much easier when we know we're looking for an evident Amestrian, instead of one that can blend in with our own people."

"Yes, this one is somehow much more human than anything we faced during or leading up to the Promised Day," Miles agreed, giving the report one last perfunctory scan before turning his full attention to the street ahead. "Perhaps because it resembles the human it used to be."

"Kimblee was barely human," Scar said, his tone dropping in pitch, red eyes turning hard in the bright light. "No human can inflict the damage he did without a shred of remorse."

The remainder of the walk to the guest house was punctuated by a terse silence; accustomed as he was to Major General Armstrong's tendency toward the same, Miles was not unduly bothered by it. His mind turned toward the new developments in the case, namely, Mustang's recent conversion to fledgling vampire and the symptoms he had been experiencing. Miles was keeping careful track of any changes as reported by either Hawkeye or Mustang himself, measuring it against Hawkeye's own experience with her turning. He tried very hard to keep from thinking of it as studying a wild animal in captivity… but every so often, the comparison slithered its way into his mind.

The house, when they arrived, was already alive with talking, tea-sipping people. Fuery and Falman were seated at the low dining table, papers, books, and scrolls spread out before them as they pored over the vampire research Miles had accumulated. Armstrong, Hawkeye, and Rebecca were standing in the kitchen, the women holding their cups of tea as they spoke. Armstrong likely would have had one, would it not have been ridiculously tiny in his spade-like hands. Miles stepped in to the kitchen just long enough to leave the paper bag he carried on the counter, before following Scar down the short hallway to the living room.

Mustang and Breda sat on either side of a map of the city, talking quietly as they compared marked buildings to corresponding lists. Sitting straight, Mustang blew out an exasperated breath, running a hand back through his hair… and caught sight of the two newcomers. "Ah; good morning."

The way he practically jumped to his feet wasn't necessary for them to tell he was past the initial stages of turning. The fatigue was gone, and would have been replaced by, according to their information, a feeling of renewed and growing strength. This, too, was evidenced by Mustang's grip as he reached out, shaking Miles' hand. Scar didn't shake.

"Glad you could make it." Mustang's eyes darted to the pouch around Miles' neck as he spoke, and then flitted back to his face just as quickly. "Now that I'm not falling asleep every half-hour, we've got a lot of work to do."

"Of course," Miles answered, trying not to note how cold the other man's fingers were, or the fact that the curtains remained drawn across the window at the far end of the room. In the dim light, Mustang's paler than usual skin stood out like a faint beacon. "We're glad to find you looking so much better. And with such a positive attitude."

The Colonel grinned. "I feel the same way. And the way I see, the stronger the vampirism gets, the stronger I am to stand up to Kimblee." He shrugged expressively. "What's the worst that he could do? Bite me?"

"He could tear you limb from limb," Scar pointed out grimly. "Unless your vampire personality fully emerges, you'll still only have your normal strength. You won't be able to face him in a fair fight as your human self, vampire tendencies or not."

"He's right, sir." Coming through from the kitchen into the living room, Hawkeye was just in time to catch Scar's comment. Both Ishvalan men turned to look back as she spoke, catching the firm look she was levelling in her superior's direction. "We've already talked about this. There's going to have to be more to our plans than brute force."

She stopped as she reached them, holding out a fresh cup of tea to Mustang, though her eyes turned to Scar. "Sorry; the Colonel's having some trouble handling the latest stages of turning." Her expression was that of a mildly exasperated babysitter, which explained the comment Miles had made once about how their relationship functioned. "Namely, flashes of annoyance and irritation, and increased strength leading to feelings of invincibility."

Mustang had the good grace to look slightly sheepish as he accepted the cup. "Weird supernatural forces overthrowing your brain will do that to you," he commented, though quietly.

One by one, the others drifted into the living room, Falman and Fuery bringing the notes they had taken from the pile of research, and Armstrong carrying a plate piled with the flat oatcakes spread with honey that Scar and Miles had brought in the paper bag. They settled onto the couch and broad cushions in a loosely defined circle, the low coffee table in the centre.

The war council was, at last, assembled.

---------------

Roy had the strong suspicion that, if the creeping vampirism hadn't started slowing his heart rate, his pulse would have been skyrocketing. He wouldn't classify himself as nervous about going after Kimblee, but there was a certain… anticipation. He wanted to go, wanted to hunt down the bastard that had made Riza into the sort of strange creature he was fast becoming, wanted to give him the solid sock in the jaw he had held back from during the war….

But Riza was right, he reminded himself firmly. He was strong again, yes, and growing stronger… but against a full-fledged vampire like Kimblee, his chances were laughable at best and abysmal at worst. He would only end up getting himself, her, or one of their cohorts injured or worse. Much as he hated it, he would have to slow down, take this one step at a time. And the first step came now.

He got to his feet, the room quieting around him as he did so. "The guests are all here, so I suppose it's time to start the party," he said, his smile grim. "First of all, I want to thank all of you for coming together on this. Between travel time and time spent away from any other duties you have, everyone has made sacrifices to be a part of this, and I want you to know it's appreciated."

Halfway around the circle, seated next to Riza, Rebecca rolled her eyes and spoke around a mouthful of honeyed oatcake. "Please, after the trouble we went through to take down that Father guy and the corrupt military in Central, this is a walk in the park." She hesitated, considering the metaphor. "After midnight…. With a vampire on the loose."

"A dangerous walk," Falman observed.

"At least this one doesn't have god-like powers or fifty million souls giving him strength," Breda added. "He has weaknesses; highly exploitable ones, at that."

Armstrong half-raised a hand, glancing around the group before settling on Fuery. "Would someone mind going over these weaknesses, so that we're all on the same page?"

The group, as one, glanced in Riza's direction, but she nodded toward Fuery. "You've got the list, Master Sergeant."

"Oh. Right." The young man shuffled through his papers quickly, before pulling one from the sheaf. "Well… vulnerability to sunlight is the first one. From our understanding, depending on the time of day and the amount of light they're exposed to, the effect of it can be varied. The vampire could feel tired, or the light could completely drain them of any strength or energy, leaving them barely able to move."

Breda raised a hand. "Does it have to be sunlight? What if we hit him with a strong flashlight beam, or torchlight?"

This time, Riza fielded the question. "Sunlight is the most preferable, but firelight does work, just to a much lesser extent. There has to be some kind of energy output by the light: heat, or UV radiation."

Seeing that things had swung into his wheelhouse, Roy chimed in. "Simple fire doesn't give off UV radiation," he said, expanding on Riza's answer. "The heat from fire is a deterrent, but it won't weaken the vampire significantly enough for him to be vulnerable. But if you caught him outside at high noon with no shade? He'd be hard-pressed to raise a fist, let alone throw a punch."

Fuery still had his eyes in his notes. "There's also the reaction to the protection charms," he added. "They're a combination of Ishvalan religious icons, and old lore on the repulsion of vampires." He took another paper from his collection and read, "'There is a noted aversion of vampires to the flowers of the garlic plant, as it is a kind of natural antibiotic that would affect the blood a vampire drinks.'"

He looked up briefly. "The garlic flowers in the charms don't have the kind of smell that garlic cloves have, but it's our assumption that the vampire senses the flower's presence, and, knowing about the antibiotic angle, avoids it. If you really want to protect yourself from a vampire, well…." He smiled. "I don't know about you, but I'd take having bad breath over being a midnight snack."

"What about the religious aspect of the charms?" Armstrong asked. "How does that tie in?"

Scar took over. "Inside the charms is a small amount of sand that has been consecrated by a priest, as well as silver wire in the shape of a rune of protection. The sand carries the blessing of Ishbala, and the rune asks his blessing on the wearer.

"Religious iconography and items have a negative reaction on vampires because they have either no soul, as we suspect the case with Kimblee is, or the soul has been corrupted by vampirism, as it is with the Lieutenant, and now the Colonel." He indicated Riza's hands, folded together in her lap. "The Lieutenant bears the marks of what happens when a corrupted soul comes in direct contact with blessed sand."

The latest arrivals in Ishval all took sharply inhaled breaths as Riza held her palms out for them to see. The spiderwebbed marks on the skin were fainter now, more like a deep tan, but still visible and showing no sign of fading further. Across the circle, Rebecca shook her head. "I'd noticed the marks, but with everything else going on, I forgot to ask…. How did that happen?"

"The welcoming ceremony was shortened for you, and the Master told you that you wouldn't need to be blessed the same way the Colonel and I were required to be," Riza explained, refolding her hands to hide the marks. "As soon as the priest poured blessed sand into my hands, they started burning like fire, and I nearly passed out from the shock of it." She paused, but no one spoke; most of them were staring at her in surprise. "Incidentally, that's what opened the mental door for the vampire personality to start coming through, although she didn't emerge fully until shortly after."

"That actually might lead us into the next point," Falman interjected, looking at his own notes; Fuery was still staring at Riza. "There's mention in here of circles and something called a yantir that Miles told us was tried on you?"

"The yantir didn't work," Roy corrected. "It's the Ishvalan version of an exorcism. Our first impression of something being wrong with the Lieutenant was demon possession, but that was quickly proven wrong. Exorcisms certainly aren't vampire-friendly, but all they do are cause pain; they don't expel the vampire personality from the body."

Breda's brow furrowed, a thought clearly occurring to him. "How does a yantir work? What's the process?"

"A containment circle is drawn around the subject by a priest," Miles replied. "Prayers are offered, incantations said, and then the priest activates the circle. The holy symbols keep the subject from leaving, and work to draw the invading spirit out of the subject's soul. Since the vampirism is tied in to Lieutenant Hawkeye so intricately, it didn't work except to cause physical pain."

"So what if we were to try it on Kimblee?"

Miles turned to Scar, who was evidently already thinking it over. "I have the knowledge to draw the circle and start the yantir process," he said, after a moment. "However, by what Kimblee has told us, he has no soul for the vampirism to latch on to. He himself is the vampire; he doesn't have the same dual personalities as the Colonel and Lieutenant."

"Meaning it could either destroy him completely, or not effect him in the slightest," Miles finished. "We developed a slightly different kind of containment circle that is capable of keeping him out of or in a specific area, but we don't know what would happen if we activated a yantir."

"And we won't know for sure unless we try," Roy added. "Let's table it as a possibility, at least as a way to cause a temporary vulnerability. I want to go back to the protection charms to point something out." He reached over, tugging the cord of the charm around Riza's neck. "We told you yesterday that these both prevent a vampire from getting close to you, and that they suppress a vampire personality almost completely, aside from a few side effects."

Armstrong was quick on the proverbial draw. "Meaning that if we could put one on Kimblee, it might incapacitate him entirely."

"Exactly." Roy gave Riza a sidelong glance, found her looking back at him. "To get one on Lieutenant Hawkeye's alter ego, we first had to corner her in a containment circle, and even then, she nearly took my head off when I went to put it on. When we say these repel vampires, what we mean is that getting too close makes them physically sick. Getting too close with a charm is like going up to a wolf with a collar and a leash. If the wolf feels threatened, it lashes out."

"That sounds like the start of a plan to me," Rebecca said. "At least the part about a containment circle. If we can trap him in one of those, we can take him out at our leisure, in whatever method is going to be the simplest and fastest." She looked once around the circle as she made her point, then back to Roy and Riza. "Any other weaknesses that could work against him?"

"One that I can think of," Roy commented, his eyes sliding sidelong toward Riza again. "He seems to have a soft spot for Hawkeye, having been the one to turn her. He doesn't trust her, exactly, since she's made it clear what she – and her vampire self – think of him. But he's at least willing to let her get close, which is more than he'd be willing to do if it were me."

"His reason for turning me was to take revenge on the Colonel for opposing the civil war, and for fighting against the Homonculi on the Promised Day," Riza explained. "Although I don't know that he expected I would end up turning the Colonel." She shot her superior a somewhat guilty look. "I think it was his hope that my vampire personality would kill him outright. Failing that, Kimblee would do the job himself."

"Which puts me at something of an advantage," Roy directed his comments to the room at large, but held Riza's gaze with his own. "He may know by now that I've started turning, but it might throw a wrench into whatever plan he's concocted." He looked up, eyes travelling around the circle. "Which means, if we're going to act, we'd best act fast, before he comes up with a new plan."

"The containment circle seems like our best bet," Breda said, spreading the map of the city on the coffee table. "The Colonel and I were discussing the possibility of cornering Kimblee somewhere out here –" He pointed to the southwest corner of the map, deep into the uninhabited zone. "– away from any possibility of running into civilians."

Scar had leaned forward, studying the area Breda had indicated… and went very still, his eyes set on a particular spot. "…Master Sergeant, do you have the list of habitable buildings?"

Fuery rummaged a moment, then held it out. Scar checked the number in the building he had been staring at, then sorted quickly through the list until he found it. "This would seem to be promising," he said, holding the list out to Roy. "Number one thousand two hundred sixty."

Armstrong's eyebrows shot upward. "You have that many restoration projects already?"

"It's a big city."

Roy showed the page to Riza. "You're more of an expert on vampires than I am. What do you think; could it work?"

She frowned, studying the building's description… and her eyes lit with understanding. "If we're pulling out all the stops to incapacitate him, I can't think of any place that would be better, aside from a volcano." She looked up to where Scar sat, watching them. "Does this place have anything else going for it that we can use against him?"

The smile that spread across the stoic man's face was a mixture of triumph, determination, and dark satisfaction. "Do you remember the dome on top of the library?"

---------------

UNINHABITED ZONE, JADAD, ISHVAL 1114 HOURS, APRIL 28TH

If he were a being that still needed true sleep in order to rest, he would likely be very close to death right now. Kimblee hadn't entered the trance-like "sleep" state since the night Hawkeye had been recaptured and had the vampirism he had worked so hard to cultivate suppressed. During daylight hours, he moved restlessly from place to place in the vacant house, careful to avoid stepping into the beams of light leaking around the sheets of plywood nailed over gaping windows.

At night, he hunted, though it was becoming more difficult. More and more people were wearing those ridiculous little cloth pouches that stank like cesspits in summer, eliminating his ability to get close. Only those who didn't appear to get out much – the elderly, the infirm – seemed to have a lack of the things, and the feeding there wasn't much.

Much as it galled him to admit it, Hawkeye had been right about being cautious not to create new vampires, or leave bodies lying about to raise alarms about a serial killer on the loose. Just as always, the woman was making things difficult for him.

He threw a baleful glance at the thin beam of sunlight pouring through a small hole in the plywood over the nearest window, snarled, and turned to prowl away into the next room. This day was interminable. Maybe he should try to sleep… but he knew that the problem he had been turning over in his brain for three days would not allow him to rest.

He needed a way to bring her back in, needed a way to get that blasted pouch off of her neck and release the inner beast, so to speak. The thing was like a ball and chain she was forced to drag around; she was a free creature and she should be out on her own, not pinioned behind a wall of well-meaning but ultimately useless so-called 'friends.'

The day after her capture, for a brief moment, he had thought he felt her presence – dimmed by the suppression of what he had wrought in her – brighten and grow. But there had been a brief flash of fear and sudden anxiety… and it was dull and inexpressive once again. Since then, a second presence had been growing, though he could not tell the source.

No matter. Like as not, I simply wasn't careful enough during one feeding. An elderly victim as a new vampire wouldn't serve his purpose, however. There was no revenge to be had in robbing the grave of one who would soon be in it, and no pleasure either. As soon as he sorted out what to do with Hawkeye, to get her back, he would dispose of this other fledgling.

Yes, certainly no pleasure in a new vampire, especially not if it's some decrepit old crone. A thin, dangerous smile spread across his lips, warmth seeping insidiously into his groin. But once she's back, once she has returned to me…. We will hunt together, we'll share the spoils…. We'll return to the lair, go to ground and then…. Oh, then there will be pleasure.

Mustang hadn't been nearly affected enough by Hawkeye's turning. Upset, yes, anguished and left sleepless…. But Kimblee had been aiming for something more along the lines of 'devastated.' Devastated meant there was no coming back, no recovery, no kiss and make up….

It was disappointing, really.

But the main hurdle was getting Hawkeye back to the perfection he had engendered in her. That pouch was the answer, but how to get it off when he couldn't get within three feet of the thing without retching like his organs were trying to flee his body? With her original personality in control, she wouldn't take it off voluntarily. He would need to use trickery, or some kind of sleight of hand, or –

He paused, his arms folded as he stared at the house's heavy door, the only wooden panel on the exterior that didn't leak hateful sunlight. The idea that had struck him was simplicity itself, so much so that it was nearly slapstick. Fangs bared in a humoured grin, he laughed deep in his throat, thinking of just how surprised Riza Hawkeye would be when she next saw his face.

---------------

GUEST ACCOMMODATIONS, JADAD, ISHVAL 2047 HOURS, APRIL 28TH

Riza sank gratefully onto the couch, her eyes falling closed, revelling in the pleasant fatigue in her muscles of a day well-spent in total productivity. The planning for Kimblee's takedown had gone on until mid-afternoon, with only a short break for a light lunch. It had been determined that they would lay their trap the next day, and after that, the war council had devolved into a group of friends and colleagues, sitting comfortably and catching up.

Scar had left shortly before dinnertime, and Riza hadn't really been surprised. While he wasn't exactly anti-social, putting someone as taciturn as him in a room with two or three conversations going at once had to be tiring. Miles had stayed, helping the three guest households put together an eight-person meal from the food stores they had been given, offering instruction on how to prepare foreign Ishvalan ingredients. Once everyone's hunger had been satisfied, there had been more conversation, more cups of ever-present tea, until finally, the others began to make their excuses, leaving for the comfort of their own guest houses.

And now the dishes were washed, the small house was set right, and Riza could finally relax. At least as much as was possible when there was a murderous vampire on the loose that they were planning a last-ditch final showdown with in the next 48 hours that would determine the fate of –

She heard the footsteps coming down the hall, stopping her train of thought on a dime. The steps entered the room, paused, and then approached, a weight falling onto the couch beside her. Roy's hand touched the top of her head, stroking gently. "You're not falling asleep already, are you?" His tone was light; teasing. "It's not even close to your usual bedtime."

"I've spent the last few days looking after you, looking after others, and planning a quasi-military operation," she reminded him wryly. "And all of that without the same kind of vampire-fuelled energy you only woke up with this morning." Without opening her eyes, she reached out, nudging him in the ribs with a closed fist. "I think I deserve a break."

"You deserve a lot more than a break."

She smiled, but didn't open her eyes or look over. "Do I?"

"Mmhmm. You deserve a good night's sleep, you deserve a vacation once all this is over…" His fingers slid gently, smoothly across her thigh, bringing her eyes open and her head turning in his direction. He was smiling, half teasingly, half in self-deprecation. "The love of a good man who you accidentally turned into a vampire…."

"Evidently, the new abilities didn't give you better flirting skills." Turning onto her side, facing him with her legs curled under her and her head resting on the back of the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"All right. I haven't had an anger flash in… ten minutes?" He shrugged. "I still feel like I could hold my own in an arm-wrestling match with Armstrong, but I haven't escalated to trying to jump off buildings to see if I can fly." His look turned mischievous. "And then, of course, there's the other side effect that showed up sometime this afternoon, about the time you accidentally brushed up against my arm."

"… Ah, I see." Before she could stop herself, Riza's eyes drifted to the front of his pants, but the loose desert garment was useful for hiding most kinds of shape, as well as keeping the wearer cool. "I had no idea. You hid your emotions very well."

"We've been hiding emotions like that in front of people for years," he reminded her, inching closer. "But now we're alone, and we don't have to hide anything until tomorrow morning." He held out a hand, his smile disarming and filled with every bit of smooth operation his aunt had drilled into him over the years. "What do you say? Even if I get carried away and bite you, it's not like it'll have an effect."

Riza tugged at the charm around her neck. "This doesn't bother you?"

"Not much. At least, not yet."

Without another word, she slid her hand into his, fully expecting him to get up and tug her gently toward the bedrooms down the hall. Instead, he pulled her closer until she sat astride his lap, the skirt of her dress hiked up and his lips leaving a trail of kisses along her jawline. Riza took a deep, only slightly shuddery breath, able to feel the swell of him through the light fabric of the desert trousers and her own undergarments.

"Steady, love." His voice was deep and husky in her ear, his warm breath feathering her hair to cause a tickle along the back of her neck. "I'd say pace yourself, but maybe you ought to just follow my lead."

Riza shivered pleasurably, her hands sliding up the plane of his chest to link behind his neck. Her head turned at the same time as his, and she caught the fervent kiss on her lips, revelling in the hungry way his mouth came after hers. She felt motion at her waist, and then the sash came away, thrown carelessly to the floor as his hand dove impatiently beneath the skirt.

The tap of a finger on her hip was a suggestion, and she lifted onto her knees, nearly groaning in protest as she left the tantalizing sensation of her ultimate prize… and had to catch herself by way of her hands on his shoulders as a new, even more electrifying touch stroked slowly, agonizingly slowly, along the edge of her underwear where it rested against the inside of the very top of her thigh.

Her fingers raked through his hair, gripping the strands tight as the same teasing finger slid higher, hooked over the top, and pulled. The soft drag of the cotton over her skin left a faint, pleasant warmth that marked its downward progress, and she reached down, feeling almost blindly for the unfamiliar closures of desert pants.

Roy's free hand stilled hers, tugging her fingers away. "No, not yet," he murmured, pressing his nose to her cheek. "I told you, you deserve to relax. This is your time."

She was finding it harder to keep a rein on her breathing, let alone the tiny moans – and, worst of all, whimpers – of pleasure that she wanted so desperately to let loose…. But that would only tell him exactly how much he was getting to her. "Seems like you get that short end of that particular stick," she managed, without too much of a shake in her tone.

It was the last full sentence she was able to string together for several minutes as his hand slid past the panties tugged partway down her thighs, his fingers easily finding the wet evidence of her own desire.

"Not at all." His voice was a low purr, dangerously seductive, as the fingertips beginning their lazy stroking once again. She gave in without meaning to, dropping her head to his shoulder with a moan that came from deep inside, someplace primal where it was the only way she could possibly communicate how it felt. "To hear you make that sound? Knowing I'm the only one you've ever made that sound for?"

His fingers did some magical little twirl that sent cold fire up through the centre of her, all the while drawing closer to their goal. The word 'please,' hovered on her lips, she wanted to take his hand and guide him, to put and end to the torture of it all and just give her what she wanted, dammit…. But she knew that if she did, he would stop. It was all a part of the game.

One fingertip circled the entrance with near insolence, and Riza bit her lip, the new moan sneaking past her teeth anyway. She felt Roy's lips spread wide in a grin against her shoulder. "To hear you make that sound is more of a turn-on than anything else," he murmured.

The words were nearly lost in the rush of air leaving her lungs as two fingers slid inside, with a deftness, an insidiousness, a surety that sent her pressing closer against him. She nearly cried out as they withdrew; she didn't realize how much she had needed this, had wanted this, had wanted him. All the stress, all the tension, he was right, she needed it gone and he was the one to take it take all of it take her –

Insertion again, withdrawal again. Her hands fisted in the front of his shirt as he shifted slightly on the couch, not leaving her, his head lifting. He pressed a kiss to her neck, his fingers slipping in once more, deeper, harder, pressing against the nerve endings to send her toes curling and her hands gripping tighter as she panted a curse into his ear.

After so long without him and after all the stress, she came quickly. He seemed to sense it coming, and abandoned the sucking kiss he had been attentively paying to the side of her neck. In the same instant that her final scream of orgasm muffled itself in his shoulder, his elongated canine teeth buried themselves in her skin.

#fma #fmab #Roy Mustang #Riza Hawkeye #royza #royai #fma fanfiction #royai fanfiction #tainted blood

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zerochanges · 5 years

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Mobile Suit Gundam Narrative - One Night Movie Premiere

If you told me ten years ago that I would be able to regularly watch anime movies on the big screen in theatres I would have surely not believed you. Besides maybe a few Pokemon movies or an occasional film in some mega franchise I don’t particularly care for such as Naruto, the prospect would probably seem alien to me even. So it’s funny how times have changed and how anime screenings in theatres is becoming increasingly more common in North America. Just last month I was able to watch the phenomenal Dragon Ball Super Broly film in a packed theatre with a ton of other nerds and it was a delightful experience. Before that I got to see the fun anime version of Die Hard known as My Hero Academia: Two Heroes, and before that a love letter to Go Nagai known as Mazinger Z Infinity! Now only a month after Broly I get to watch an honest-to-God Mobile Suit Gundam motion picture in a theatre too? I feel like the luckiest guy alive.

If I am being honest, I actually hate going to the cinema most of the time, and spent many years avoiding doing just that. I was always the type of person that was happy enough to rent a movie once it released on DVD/BD and that was the extent I would need out of cinema at large. The only exception I started to make was when Disney purchased Star Wars, and that was more out of fear that ravenous fans online couldn't keep their mouths shut than it was about anything else. Over the years however I started to develop a greater appreciation towards movie theatres at large and a lot of that has to probably do with anime. As I began to become a serious collector of anime and made the transition from my old DVDs to crisper BDs I realized I was at the point where as a fan I wanted the most out of my all time favorite movies--because these were not just my favorite anime movies but my actual favorite movies, and that’s when I realized I truly wish I could have seen them the way they were meant to be; on the big screen, with an insanely powerful surround sound system, with fans all gathered around cheering at the best moments. I will probably never get this experience for Akira, or Galaxy Express 999, or the many other films that mean the world to me now, but I can get the experience for future movies, so I don’t want to miss out ever again.

Gundam is one of my favorite franchises from my childhood. As a young kid I fell in love with the amazing robot designs and was blown away at the prospect of an anime that just felt so different from DBZ, which besides Pokemon was probably my only real understanding of anime at that age. As a teen and young adult especially the franchise became increasingly important to me and left a lasting impression on my psyche. I can’t tell you my favorite Gundam series nowadays because the answer will probably be different every time. Maybe I’ll say the original Mobile Suit Gundam, warts and all, it’s everything I love about anime from the 1970’s and to this day I still love the original Ocean Group dub from Canada. This dub while wooden and showing its age terribly will forever be etched in my mind as the definitive voices for most of the Universal Century characters despite Shuichi Ikeda buttery smooth, ecstasy inducing voice in most of the Japanese series. Maybe I’ll say Zeta Gundam as Kamile was a character my younger self identified a lot with and the series as a whole left a very strong impression on me. Maybe I’ll say Turn A Gundam, a beautiful psychedelic series that displays some of the best writing from series creator Tomino.

So yes, having a chance to see any Gundam film in theatres was something I couldn't miss. Even if said film ended up just okay it wouldn't matter, as not in my wildest dreams did I actually think I would get this opportunity. I figured the closest I would ever be to seeing Gundam on the big screen would be if I happened to be in Japan for some reason around the time a new Gundam OVA or film was being screened. When Gundam Narrative tickets went on sale for North America I bought them the day online orders were opened and was even the first person to buy a seat at the theatre (thanks to reserved seating I could see nobody else had bought a seat yet). It didn't matter to me that I had to drive 45 minutes to the cinema, nor did it matter to me that I honestly knew nothing about Gundam Narrative, I just wanted to experience Gundam this way at least once in my life. And so last night I made the trek across the city and finally got to see Gundam like I never have. Now I have decided I want to share some of my thoughts and impressions about it. This won’t be a formal review, nor is it meant to be, as more or less I’m just expositing some of my thoughts, off the cuff.

First a little background information. Sunrise’s current "UC NexT 0100" project that tackles the next century of Gundam’s UC (Universal Century) time-line as well as their ambitious promise to deliver a new theatrical Gundam film every 1-2 years from 2018 onward is something to behold, so it’s no big surprise to me that the first film to kick off both of these initiatives would be a sequel to the highly acclaimed Gundam Unicorn OVA series. Saying Sunrise is kind of on a Unicorn kick right now would be an understatement after all. I actually don’t mind this so much however like a lot of people seem to, as Unicorn deserves all the praise it got and there is no two-ways about it being a pivotal factor behind Sunrise’s returning commitment to the UC time-line again after releasing nothing major in it for nearly a decade. Gundam Narrative serving as a sequel to Gundam Unicorn is something I am totally neutral about.

My greater concern going into the Gundam Narrative film was more that Gundam and films have a pretty rocky history. Honestly most Gundam movies tend to be more on the awful side. If I had to rate all the ones I've seen I would probably only say Gundam Thunderbolt: December Sky and Gundam Thunderbolt: Bandit Flower are fantastic, the original Mobile Suit Gundam film trilogy is an excellent compilation movie series and a good enough replacement for its own television version, the Zeta New Translation films are incredibly disappointing and omit too much, Char’s Counterattack is a hot mess that barely makes a lick of sense, Gundam F91 would have been a fantastic TV show but as a movie it makes me sad, A Wakening of the Trailblazer is okay but also undone by its own weirdness, Endless Waltz is what you would expect out of Wing, the Turn A compilation movies are pointless, and G-Savior sure was … a thing that exist.

Well I am happy to say Gundam Narrative is among the rare films for the franchise that I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish! A lot of this has to do with the scale being relatively small versus the usual scale in Gundam films that are way too big for their own good. Narrative’s laser focus on chasing after the missing Unit 03, the Golden Phoenix sibling to the two Unicorn and Banshee units we've seen in the previous Gundam Unicorn series allows it to tell a story largely separated from politics and the world at large--and let’s the characters become the main focal point of the film like any good movie should.

This aspect alone is missing from so many other Gundam films and is partly why so many fail at being a good viewing experience. I’d say the few that do find that focus, mainly the Thunderbolt series of films and the original trilogy of movies made from the 1979 TV series are the best in the franchise’s filmography. A ton of other Gundam films tend to be bloated as well with rather boring middle sections, so the brisk fast pace of this 90 or so minute runtime for Narrative was a welcome relief. There are some awkward cuts to the film sure, but honestly I felt this beat sitting in the theatre for two and a half hours bored at the long winded middle section that goes nowhere like some previous Gundam films are especially guilty of. This was just enough time to tell a story of this scope properly. Of course the characters and scope of the story isn't enough to carry an entire film so the fantastic soundtrack from returning Unicorn composer Hiroyuki Sawano helped to sell a lot of scenes in the film as well.

The biggest factor that made Narrative for me however had to be the film’s focus on the more metaphysical aspects of Newtypes. Despite my disliking of a lot of Char’s Counterattack I still find the more psychedelic (so to say) aspects of it to be fascinating, just as I always have when such spiritual topics have shown up in prior Gundam works by Tomino and the many teams at Sunrise. While far from perfect I always enjoyed this kind of kooky spiritualism to the Gundam universe, a sort of new age 80’s science fiction interpretation of the soul would be the best way I can describe it but there’s no real way for me to do it justice nor to make it not sound ridiculous. Since Tomino has left a lot of Universal Century Gundam series have focused more on everyday soldiers instead and not so much on Newtypes, the future evolution of mankind, and the soul. In fact I always felt Sunrise somewhat shied away from a lot of these aspect to Gundam since then, so when we got to see this aspect return near the very end of Gundam Unicorn it was a nice treat to me personally. Having it permeate almost the entire runtime of Narrative’s story had me over the moon. A lot of people disagree, and more power to them, but I just can’t get enough out of the spiritual aspects seen in Narrative.

Gundam Narrative being a modern UC time-line production means it of course has references and lore connections to a ton of other classic Gundam series and moments. I really enjoyed most them even if they were just silly fan service moments. I love that we got to see the famous Colony Drop drawn with modern day high budget animation and it wasn't just reused old footage. Getting to see clips of the Psycho Gundam ravage Hong Kong City was a joy on the big screen even if it lasted only about 10 seconds. I loved that we got to hear some of Char’s Dakar speech again in Narrative--this gave us an opportunity to hear Keith Silverstein, the modern English voice of Char since 2010 handle this legendary speech of his from Zeta Gundam.

Speaking of the English dub my favorite performances were definitely Griffin Puatu’s portrayal of the protagonist Jona Basta that had to carry a lot of the emotional weight of the film and Stefan Martello’s portrayal of the off-the-walls insane Zoltan Akkanen who was just a pure fun villain that ate up every scene he was in. The Narrative Gundam itself being a reworked prototype of Amuro’s Nu Gundam from Char’s Counterattack four years ago was also a fun way to fit another Gundam into this time frame and I love it gave us such a classic looking Gundam in the Unicorn era of the franchise.

I had almost zero expectations for Gundam Narrative, and all I really wanted was the big screen experience for Gundam. As someone that loves the psychedelic spiritual aspect of Tomino’s old works, and someone with zero expectations that a Gundam movie can really be all that good anyways I walked away from that theatre last night loving what I saw. Gundam Narrative has me personally excited for the future of Gundam films, especially if it means we may see more theatrical screenings in North America for said films. This is probably not a film for everyone, and is definitely heavy on both your love of Gundam Unicorn and your love of some of the craziest stuff Tomino would whip out in his heyday of working on the franchise, but if you’re like me I think this one will be a lot of fun, even off the big screen.

#Gundam #Mobile Suit Gundam #Universal Century #Gundam NT #Gundam Narrative #Anime

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tellywoodtrash · 5 years

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Hey! Hope you're having a good day! I had a question, if that's okayy. I was re-watching Tanhaiyaan! I loved that series - Barun and Surbhi had amazing chemistry and I loved the soundtrack. I was just wondering what your thoughts on it were. I did search your tumblr to find reviews or something of the sort for the series, but it kinda came up empty. So I thought I'd ask you. Thanks! :)

Hi friend!

I’m well thanks! Hope you’re having a good day too!

I did do some spoilery mini-lbs for the series. Also lol, I wrote a really detailed review when I watched it (Feb 2017), that I didn’t publish then for some reason. It’s not a show I am inclined to revisit, so here are my thoughts from then, with some mild editing.

what works

the chemistry: barun and surbhi have good chemistry, and their scenes together are enjoyable. they sell all the facets, from the flirting to the attraction to the nice comfortable intimacy they settle into eventually.

the progressiveness: i dunno if the sponsorship deal from tinder mandated it, but the show is refreshingly sex positive (… for something coming out of a mainstream tellywood production house.)

the screenplay: the dialogue, especially in the scenes where meera and haider banter and flirt, is fun. 4 lions shows have always had some brilliant dialogue (esp. in the shiny starting days - the honeymoon period.) if you’re into shayaari and the like, you’ll enjoy that stuff in sobti’s soulful husky voice. i’m not, so i found it pretty corny.

what doesn’t work

the pacing: where tanhaiyan suffers the most, is pacing. i mean, call me cynical, but i found it really hard to buy that two people, who met like what… 4 days ago? could be THIS deeply in love. for godssake, how MUCH can you love, or even KNOW a person with whom your only conversations have been sexy banter? the only deep thing they know about each other is that they’ve both lost important people in their lives. as much as i love sobti and jyoti (who are good actors for the most part and engage me emotionally), i was constantly rolling my eyes that within less than a week of meeting each other, these two had gone through lust-love-a breakup-ENGAGEMENT-second breakup. MAN, THERE’S A LOAF OF BREAD ON MY KITCHEN COUNTER THAT I’VE HAD A LONGER AND MORE STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH.

the writing: the writing is the second biggest issue i have with this show, almost equal to the pacing. the thing is, the show feels like a fanfic that’s been brought to life. not even GOOD fanfic, but a mediocre fanfiction riddled with plot holes and crack AUs. look, haider and meera have emotional issues. all fine and good. by episode 9, they’ve opened up to each other (trust me when i say i’m using the phrase “opened up” in the loosest manner possible.) and seem to have made a decision to be together. but then lo and behold, in the last 5 minutes of the second last episode, there’s a WHOLE NEW PROBLEM. like… why? so unnecessary. just to round it out to 10 episodes?

the slap: misandrist that i am, i am usually rooting for the asshole male lead to get slapped, especially on a 4 lions show, where he most probably deserves it. but in this show even *i* was like, oh come on, that was unwarranted. yes, he’s being a jerk, but the slap was just… ??????? and lol, that one slap and a lecture from meera seems to thikaane lagaofy all of haider’s emotional issues instantly. lmao if only it were that easy; kisi ko duniya mein therapy ki zaroorat hi nahi hoti. (which we know that all 4 lions men need. extensively.)

the pandering: sometimes, the progressiveness of the show seems to be be bordering on pandering, with no real motivation behind it other than to SEEM progressive. like tanya, meera’s friend, who talks about wanting “no-strings-attached sex” with an italian guy and in the very next minute, wistfully saying she could have had a half-italian baby by now. um, that doesn’t sound very “no-strings-attached” to me. or the fact that avantika and sid’s whole big issue is solved by ONE sentence from haider “sabka past hai, tera hai, mera hai; ladkiyon ka past kyun nahi ho sakta?” (to which all the ladies appreciatively nod @ haider, seeing him as the new paragon of feminism) … okaaaaay then.

haider’s character suffers from classic 4 lions male lead bipolarity. one second, he’s lovingly asking her how she is the way she is (so “cool and non-judgmental!”), and when the answer includes guilt over death of her family, he freaks the fuck out and shuts down. what, did he think he’s the only person on the planet who’s ever had to deal with death and regret? what does her answer have anything to do with HIM? he gets slapped for talking flippantly about her parents’ death and grief, and within the matter of 2 scenes, he’s telling meera that she “saw his soul”, when he’s revealed absolutely NOTHING personal about himself, including the reason of his grief. he proposes marriage, and when meera (very rightfully!) says it’s moving a little quickly, he explodes to accuse her of loving her career more than him. um, she’s known you for like 72 hours, buddy. calm the fuck down. don’t even get me started on the fact that he just abandoned her with no explanations given on their engagement day, based on some assumptions he made by sherlocking some clues together (that too wrongly.) classic fucking 4 lions male lead move.

meera’s character is a pushover when it comes to haider’s above bad behaviour. i know every 4 lions female lead can be accused of this, but there’s a difference between them and meera; which is that the former have at least known their male leads for months, before getting tied down into matrimony with them. to an extent, they’ve somewhat made their peace and accepted that side of their partners and “love” them despite that, due to other redeeming qualities/the emotional journey they’ve been on with them over an extended period of time. if a dude you’ve known for all of 4 days starts acting like this, why would you put up with it, let alone fall in love with him? i find the ending especially ridiculous, that she takes him back after he ran away on their engagement day, with zero explanations or conversations, telling her friend that she “understands why haider acted like that” and doesn’t blame him at all. sis, sit the fuck down.

all the friends are highly highly annoying. sid and tanya are pushy and passive aggressive when haider and meera don’t want to talk about emotionally draining topics. sid actually YELLS at haider for not being able to process his grief in the manner thatHE demands. then there’s avantika and her nonsense. from her problems with the saas (what was the point of that, really???), to her guilt issues. she goes and confesses her tryst with sameer to haider instead of sid (HOW EVEN? THE TWO MEN HAVE SUCH DIFFERENT BODY STRUCTURES. ANYONE WITH THE GIFT OF EYESIGHT CAN TELL IT’S HAIDER), and when he gently tries to help her out, she attacks him for being responsible for raza’s death. like… why? he’s been nothing but an absolute sweetheart to her, being supportive and accommodating her every whim. in the end, she doesn’t even apologize for what she says to him! and don’t even get me started on the worst one of all - raashi, who keeps harping on about PAAP over and over, and even goes so far to say that the avantika and sid broke up because the avantika ate egg when she wasn’t supposed to. i really don’t know why anyone else in that group put up with her and her garbage. the least offensive of them all was that one guy who was more like the wedding organizer than an actual friend, always obsessing about everyone not eating enough.

overall opinion

tbh, quite a middling series for me. i don’t regret watching it, but ehhhhhhh…. i didn’t enjoy it as much considering the people involved in the project (and the amount of time i’d spent waiting for it - i was following its production quite closely all throughout 2016.) the writing just overall was a washout for me (eta: esp. now that i have seen that ‘unscripted’ interview with jyoti/sobti… the way they were gushing about it, and gul saying she cried writing it and stuff…. and i’m just like… OVER THIS???? REALLY? i mean, there have been episodes of ipk and ib where i have genuinely gotten emotional… this series did not have a single episode that pulled me in with the feelings like that.) i really think it could have used tighter scripting to make it more concise and snappy.i would have ended the show once haider and meera made up after their first big fight.my ideal arc for this show would have been the two characters’ relationship growing from a mere sexual attraction, to a genuine emotional kinship that helps them to start healing from their grief, and left it at that, without cramming in all the heavy love and marriage stuff.

#tanhaiyan #glitteringintheskies #tt answers #tt reviews

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voidiots · 5 years

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⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ *Sunecatte Ear Perk from J'areth*

⭐️ I can see them both getting really into ridiculous games they’ve made for themselves that are competitive in the weirdest sorts of ways. Games are one of the best ways to bond with Una’to, especially those with words and talking in circles. Given J’areth seems to be fond of playing with words to some extent as well.

⭐️ Given J’areth loves sweets, and sweets go with tea. Random tea parties at normal hours, but likely highly caffeinated so Una’to can stave of sleep for as long as he possibly can. He appreciates being able to talk with others when having tea, and generally, as it keeps the shadows in his mind at bay that pounce him in his sleep.

⭐️ I think that should Una’to ever get comfortable enough with J’areth, he would be one of the few people he would have any amount of comfort showing his poetry to, even though he himself knows it is usually written when he’s in a less than stellar mental space and reflects his suffering around events in his life. That would take a lot of work though.

*very moony catte ear perk from Una’to* Thank you for the ask @jarethnunh! I hope these were a fun read. It was a fun exercise for me! ; w ;

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holydragon2808 · 6 years

Text

Addam, Rex and the Aegis (An In-Depth Comparison/Contrast)

Yep….It’s that time again for me to rant about the things I love the most. I was on the Xenoblade reddit after completing Torna the Golden Country last week. I had been anticipating this expansion release for quite some time and for the most part it did NOT disappoint. There will be massive spoilers for both the main game and the expansion so read at your own risk.

There was yet another one of those Addam vs Rex topics in relation to the Aegis (Pyra/Mythra) that I responded to on the Xenoblade Reddit page. There seems to be this IMO, rather skewed perception of both Addam and Rex’s accomplishments throughout the whole story. Generally people either think that the former was a complete failure and the latter a total success (based on the sole reasoning and hyper focus of one succeeding with the Aegis and one failing) which, once the entire story is put together, becomes ridiculous to be candid…..

I wrote this post (as well as my response on Reddit) because I wanted to remind people that there’s more to both of their characters and their accomplishments for the entire world at large than JUST how they handled the Aegis. I’ve personally always believed that both succeeded and failed when it came to the Aegis (and Pyra/Mythra’s experiences with both Addam and Rex eventually led to Pyra/Mythra finding the closure and happiness they deserved in the ending of the base game).

Addam may not have been able to do for Mythra/Pyra what Rex ultimately could as a driver, and “Torna The Golden Country” might have fallen on his watch, but we still cannot gloss over the fact that Addam DID save the entire world at large from Malos’s rampage back in the day by essentially giving life to Mythra. Had he not resonated with her, Rex and co, or anyone else between that 500 year gap and beyond would not have had a chance to do anything because the whole world would have ended centuries ago.

Seriously folks, there’s a very damn good reason why Addam is still regarded as a hero 500 years later despite the heavy devastation left behind by the Aegis War. He also played a pretty vital role in getting Mythra in touch with her “humanity” underneath her course attitude back then which ultimately made it easier for Rex to bond with her. Not to mention that he put A LOT of specific measures in place to ensure Mythra/Pyra would be taken care of in the future, and to be frank, Rex owes a lot of his successes with the Aegis to Addam and what he and his allies sacrificed centuries ago.

Rex might have been able to accept Mythra/Pyra in a way that Addam ultimately did not, but it still doesn’t change the fact that Rex made a lot of dumb and reckless mistakes throughout his story and that his inexperience as a driver caused a LOT of problems for himself, Mythra/Pyra, and the rest of the party on more than one occasion…..

Yes, Rex played a very key part in finishing what Addam and his friends started 500 years ago and righting many of the wrongs that came about from the past. However, it’s made very clear both in the base game and TTGC, that Addam and his friends were the ones that ultimately gave the future generation that the Aegis returned to a fighting chance with their many sacrifices and hardships that they endured and I wanted to do a comparison/contrast between Addam and Rex as thoroughly and objectively as I could.

I posted a response on the topic in question here, but I’ll copy and paste what I said here on tumblr. It will be a post of very considerable length so be mindful of that too lol. Needless to say, if you haven’t completed both Xenoblade Chronicles 2 and Torna the Golden Country then don’t read any further. Massive spoilers abound here. Final warning.

As much as I liked Addam (I thought he was a very human character, flaws, virtues and all), I often felt like the DLC Torna the Golden Country glossed over his flaws as the driver of the Aegis (and since almost everyone thought so highly of him he was hardly called out on anything) because the expansion was too busy constantly calling Mythra out on all her short comings (to the point where it often felt like Monolith were laying it on a bit thick) which was a little unfair IMO (further reason why I wish that this DLC had been told from Mythra and Addam’s perspective instead of Lora and Jin. Don’t get me wrong, Jin and Lora’s story is truly gut wrenching and I did find Lora to be a good lead character but overall the DLC really doesn’t tell us anything more than what we already knew about them from the main game outside some extra interactions with that Gort guy).

With that said though, it was cool to witness and experience some of the finer details surrounding the Jin/Lora/Haze dynamic such as who Lora was as a character, how the bond/affinity between her, Jin and Haze was ironically (and tragically since we know what will happen to all of them) not so different from the one Mythra/Pyra will later forge with Rex five centuries down the line (which was the very root of why Jin went down that dark path after Lora was killed, which we knew from the main game, but to actually witness said bond makes it all the more tragic), and how she basically redefined what the bond between drivers and blades could be for everyone back then both on and off the battlefield and more or less single-handedly invented what would later become a common staple for Blade/Driver combat (passing the weapon).

It’s also worth noting that the bond Lora had with both Jin and Haze five centuries ago was considered extremely rare. By the time Rex and co come into the picture, it’s truly heartwarming to see that sort of bond between drivers and blades much more common place. On another note, the mask that Jin wears… Lora made it for him (which is tragic in itself) but just what the hell sort of materials did Lora use for the thing to hold up for five centuries?

Anyway, it’s true that Mythra was definitely often too eager to use her OHKO move (the Artifice Siren), was immature, brash, and inexperienced (and those faults played a part in Addam and Mythra’s resonance problems certainly. The DLC spent far too much time beating us over the head with that fact IMO so I’m going to focus more on Addam’s issues in this post just to be clear), but Addam’s fear was ALSO just as much a wrench in their bonding issues as it was justified (and just as bad a problem if not more so than Mythra’s recklessness and immaturity IMO) and I really wished Torna had expanded on that fact a lot more considering he was always holding Mythra back from using her power period out of fear rather than trying to compromise a bit and help her find more creative and less destructive ways to utilize it (you know, like a real driver is supposed to do….?).

Seriously, there’s a fine line between wise caution and crippling fear. If a person lets fear hold them back from NEVER using the power they’ve been granted then no matter how well meaning their caution is they shouldn’t be surprised when they can’t control it when it matters…..It’s sadly no surprise that Addam couldn’t control Mythra in the finale of TTGC when everything went sideways because he never actually did anything to better himself as her driver.

He was too busy trying to be her “with great power becomes great responsibility” parent (though to be fair that role was quite necessary to an extent) which, while definitely playing a huge part in bringing out her dormant “humanity” underneath her attitude, somewhere along the way, he forgot, (or didn’t realize the importance of him conquering his fear until it was too late) that Mythra ultimately wasn’t his daughter but his blade and the Aegis at that. To put this in perspective, it’s worth noting that 500 years later, it wasn’t until Rex proved himself to Mythra (and Pyra) as their true driver that they finally stopped with their suicidal plans and revealed their true self and their power to him despite both of them having grown very fond of Rex beforehand.

With that said, Mythra was fond of Addam as well. At the very least she respected him enough to stay loyal to him and put up with being belittled and insulted by everyone around her in direct contrast to Malos who took the first opportunity he had to rid himself of Amalthus despite both Aegises being tainted and/or corrupted by their drivers during this time period. Mythra was corrupted because of Addam’s fears and insecurities and Malos because of Amalthus’s despair and hatred. It’s unfortunate that Addam never could realize the full ramifications of his fears and how those fears tainted his resonance with Mythra from the outset until it was too late. The whole tragedy of Torna is just further proof of how crucial a strong resonance/bond of true acceptance really is to a blade. It’s ultimately the most important bond a driver can forge with his or her blade. That applies to the Aegis most of all.

In other words, Addam still needed to actually man up, move past his fear and become the true driver of the Aegis, and view Mythra as an equal and ultimately prioritize learning how to accept that side of her rather than either (subconsciously) viewing her as an in-born dangerous monster in the making just because she was an Aegis and/or merely treating her like a “kid” simply because that was easier for him to accept (and it was pretty clear she didn’t appreciate that anyway and thought it was somewhat patronizing despite Addam’s good intentions “What the hell is with that tone? Where do you get off acting all parental?”). Hey, all immaturity and recklessness aside, Mythra’s real father was the creator of the world, and yet she’s was stuck with a driver/human that kept inadvertently talking down to her like he knew everything and couldn’t/wouldn’t accept her true self, so in a way her frustration/annoyance was somewhat justified honestly IMO.

In TTGC, shortly after Hugo leaves the party for a bit after arriving at the Aletta Garrison and right after the party cleared the bridge of those Gogol monsters, Addam told Mythra to her face (and in front of everyone) that he’s apprehensive about facing Malos because she needs more training and needs to be mindful of her power, which was admittedly fair to a certain degree. The problem was it was coming from a place where Addam didn’t think he himself had much to improve while believing that Mythra had everything to improve which wasn’t completely fair or true. Never once did he admit directly to her his own issues of fear or tried to work on conquering them too (and either didn’t seem to understand or didn’t want to admit that him “not being man enough” was a much bigger problem than he wanted to believe and that he wasn’t 100% prepared to fight Malos either. And given what he admitted outright to Lora a few scenes prior about his fears, I’m inclined to go with the latter interpretation).

Honestly, I can’t be the only one who found it ironic (and sadly a bit hypocritical of him to be frank) that Addam was supposed to be the prince of a nation that prided itself on treating blades and titans as equal partners and friends and forging true bonds with them…..and yet he couldn’t extend that courtesy to his OWN blade and properly bond with her? As the driver of the Aegis that was even more damning. It didn’t help matters that the expansion all but confirmed that Addam kept Mythra apart from not just his militia, but from his own family out of fear of her potential wrath (Mythra had to directly ask what’s so special about Aletta once the party first arrived, indicating that Mythra had never even seen the place until that moment).

Addam and Mythra had been together for a year prior to meeting Lora and Jin so there’s a few more unfortunate implications and further mention of the huge lack of trust between them as driver and blade…..It wasn’t completely fair of them (the party) back then to belittle Mythra for her initial “lack of compassion” towards humanity when Addam was the one who kept her apart from humans prior to meeting Lora/Jin/Haze. Even though Addam stated that she’s the one that “purposely kept herself apart,” it’s not like Addam helped matters with all of that either (again at least not until Lora/Jin/Haze came into the picture). So…what did they expect? It’s not like Mythra was even a blade from Alrest anyway but rather stolen directly from Elysium. HOW could she have known any better prior to having the opportunity to forge her OWN connections and bonds with others?

He and everyone else around him instead just kept constantly calling Mythra out on and putting her down about her problems and her power which would have been fine if it hadn’t happened to the point where it seemed like none of them had any real faith in her (from her point of view) and (unintentionally) making her feel like a dangerous outcast, regardless of what they might have meant or intended or how much of said treatment Mythra might have brought on herself. Never mind the fact that regardless of what Addam and Co might have believed back then, they were against a rogue Aegis at full power and in complete control over said power.

The only thing that could/would possibly turn the tide completely in their favor against one rogue Aegis at full power and in complete control of said power was the other Aegis fighting on their side at full power and in complete control of said power. And when I say ”completely in their favor” I mean the party achieving victory against Malos without 1) the cost of Mythra losing herself in rage and her sinking the Tornan Titan to the cloud sea bed, 2) Team Hugo’s tragic sacrifice to save the rest of the party from the combination of Mythra’s attack the Tornan core’s explosion, and 3) Milton’s untimely murder at the hands of Malos. All of that isn’t even getting into what Amalthus ends up doing after the battle to Team Lora and the surviving Tornan refugees that evacuated to Spessia….

With that said, without Mythra (the other Aegis) and her full power (and complete control over it), they were all essentially screwed against Malos. Needless to say that the party members’ overall fearful and constant negative attitudes about her power and/or shooting her down whenever she tried to use her Aegis power or even mentioned using it throughout the campaign because they just assumed she’d destroy everything (and consequently both Addam and Mythra never had the opportunity to learn how to properly control her powers or for him to learn to accept that side of herself) and constantly (even if unintentionally) reinforcing the belief that she was just a reckless and dangerous “simpleton” super weapon came back to bite them all in the ass hard come the final battle against Malos and every other tragic event that took place afterwards (self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever saw one. More on this point later).

However, as Rex and Mythra/Pyra will demonstrate five centuries later (once Rex gets a serious reality check and a clue or two about what he’s truly involved himself in with her that is), with a proper and strong driver/blade bond, with genuine trust between driver and blade unclouded by fears and doubts, an Aegis using their full power wouldn’t automatically equate to destroying everyone and everything (just like practically any other blade in this story), something that Addam might have been able to realize eventually for himself had he not tainted their resonance from the outset with his fears and negative preconceived notions about Aegises that he never bothered to try and reconcile or that no one thought important enough to call him out on (despite the implication that a few characters within the party picked up on some of his resonance issues or even outright knew about them in Lora’s case) because everyone (both in the party and out) treated him like a near flawless hero who could do no wrong.

Seriously, the 100% adoration rating trope got deconstructed with a vengeance here in a way or at the very least explored in a harsher and more realistic way with Addam as a character along with the humble prince archetype. When people think that highly of a person in general, they are far less likely to see any real flaws in a person and thus far less likely to call a person out when it could benefit them.

Unlike Rex with his issues of inexperience and naivety that he was constantly called on and eventually forced to confront and overcome, Addam’s (subconscious) views of Aegises and his fears of Mythra were never truly challenged in any significant way that would have forced him to change his perspective or his actions until during and after Torna’s destruction by Mythra’s hand (again, because everyone either thought too highly of him to note any real flaws or because they shared in his views about the power).

And simply being a “humble prince” who would prefer to (and often finds any excuse to) run away and live like a farmer rather than tend to his royal duties actually doesn’t automatically entitle a person to a peaceful farm life surrounded by his close friends and family, especially when he’s either given or forced into opportunities of heroism and greatness that would help him achieve his desired peaceful outcome (in the most ideal way of everyone close to him surviving and his nation not being doomed to destruction), and yet instead choose to not properly seize those opportunities simply because he won’t get over himself.

Addam was (understandably) so hyper focused on achieving his dream of a peaceful farm life existence with his family that in the end all he thought about was himself and thus, despite treating Mythra with compassion in the face of his fear of her, he still wasn’t properly taking care of her and acknowledging her true nature as a blade/Aegis by truly connecting with her as a driver. That’s not even getting into how he outright shied away from politics and ruling his nation out of fear even before Mythra came into his life.

It’s a very similar issue/pattern that Rex will find himself in and Jin will actually call him out on 500 years later at the end of chapter six in XBC2 (because Rex was (understandably) so hyper focused on doggedly pursuing his dream of reaching Elysium that he was naively ignoring everything else around him including properly understanding Pyra/Mythra): “Look at the state of you. You hadn’t even noticed. Your own blade has been wounded so deeply, and all you can think of is yourself. You awakened the Aegis, I thought that…you might have been different. But you’re just a fool. A pitiful, childish fool.”

Not to say that Addam should not have tried to pursue a life of peace with his family after defeating Malos in any capacity (I’d never declare that), but it was incredibly short-sighted and somewhat arrogant of him to assume that he’d be able to completely remove himself from the world’s troubles since he was the driver of the Aegis even if he had managed to elude the Tornan throne. Living the life of a hermit in the sticks completely removed from it all as he wanted likely wasn’t going to happen after the fight against Malos even if Torna’s tragic fate had been averted.

In Torna, Addam was depicted as the popular and warm hearted prince of his nation with the majority of his people preferring him to be the next in line towards ascending the Tornan throne over his far less popular uncle (Prince Zetter). The ONLY reason Addam was not was because he’s fourth in line to the throne while Prince Zetter was first in line.

However, Addam didn’t want to rule. He didn’t care about power and he was ultimately afraid of the man he might become should he ascend the throne. He didn’t want the pressure of ruling. He didn’t want power or to be in the spotlight in any way. All he wanted was the freedom to live his life in peace with his wife and soon to be born child away from politics, away from heroism and glory.

Definitely not bad or unreasonable desires in and of themselves for sure, and again, in ANY other story, he surely would have been the relatable, noble, humble, down-to-earth prince who just wanted to be free of it all and would have probably been “rewarded” with the chance to live in peace with his family after achieving victory against a great world threatening force (again, Addam did still save the whole world despite everything else).

Instead, that very attitude of doggedly pursuing his desire for farm life completely removed from it all at the expense of EVERYTHING else happening around him in his life (including his status as an Aegis driver, that in itself a life long commitment to “heroism” in his case whether he knew and/or wanted it or not), combined with his deep insecurities and fears, sadly only served as the root cause of all his issues both as a prince of his nation and the driver of the Aegis, as well as contributing to his ultimate failure at saving and helping either one. He (understandably) didn’t want the throne so he often discouraged people from talking about him ascending it mainly because he was afraid of what sort of person he could potentially become while ruling.

Never mind the fact, that regardless of what he wanted, he might have been forced to accept the responsibility of the throne due to popular vote alone (as well as the King himself constantly saying and declaring that Addam was far more fit to rule despite it being Prince Zetter’s birthright). Also, by being the driver of the Aegis, he would have been forced in the spotlight no matter what. He could/would have been forced to play the role of hero for longer than just stopping Malos had things played out differently.

I seriously doubt that even if Torna had been spared and everyone made it out alive that Amalthus (and others in Indol like him) was just going to stand idle. He was going to use those flawed blade eaters and those flesh eaters for something surely, and he probably still would have eventually murdered his way towards becoming Praetor….Given that Amalthus was already a scheming monster even back then, he definitely would have taken the opportunity to retrieve and/or kill Mythra even if everything had turned out fine for Torna and the party.

The bottom line was Addam was a prince of Torna, meaning he had responsibilities that he may not have been able to completely avoid regardless of how frightened he might have been about ruling his nation or how much he longed for a peaceful existence completely and utterly removed from politics and heroism after defeating Malos.

Sadly though, he held himself back from fully embracing those responsibilities (largely out of fear) even before everything went to hell and even well before he brought Mythra into his life. And by the time he sealed Mythra/Pyra away, he had lost the majority of the people loyal to him (the Addamites as well as Team Lora) to Amalthus’s awful attack on Spessia where they had evacuated after Torna fell, and only the Counter-Addamites were left in power in Tantal.

So, even if he had gone back to Tantal, I’m not sure if he would have been able to do much and his presence probably would have caused even more conflict and war, probably being the reason why he “chose not to return” to Tantal after everything had happened. Well, and it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to assume he was ashamed that his weakness with Mythra doomed Torna to its tragic fate and couldn’t bare to face his people because of it.

Addam’s weaknesses as Mythra’s driver, the subsequent tragedies, and her eventual sealing, combined with his inaction with politics regarding the Tornan throne throughout his campaign and his eventual disappearance from the world and history after the Aegis War, sadly only left a power vacuum. And Amalthus (along with Addam’s other opposition in Prince Zetter and the other Counter-Addamites) were all too ready to take FULL advantage of it.

Though to be fair, despite the power vacuum left behind, Addam sealing Mythra/Pyra away did effectively keep her out of Amalthus’s clutches until a time came where someone truly worthy of her would awaken her again (considering Amalthus’s status as a master driver and what we saw in the base game, he would have been able to control her eventually too).

Even so, Addam still fell into a similar pattern with being Mythra’s driver. He saw what Malos could do prior to even resonating with Mythra and thus he was (understandably) afraid of the wrath that he could potentially bring down upon the world (see the unfortunate pattern?), and thus closed his heart and mind from learning about the true nature of her powers.

Mythra’s true Aegis power (from what we eventually see in the base game with Rex and Pneuma), can only be described as “All Creation” or reality manipulation, i.e, “The power to manifest what you imagine”. Addam thought that Mythra’s powers could only cause destruction based solely on what he saw from Malos so he held himself (and by extension her) back from using those powers out of fear. If he only had a more open heart and mind towards her, he would have realized that her power could have been quite literally whatever he wanted it to be (something that’s implied he realized during Mythra’s rampage in their final battle against Malos, but again, it was too late at that point).

He forgot that Mythra, even if she was another Aegis, was still her OWN person and being an Aegis didn’t automatically mean she was just going to run wild like Malos eventually did. Nor should Addam have constantly compared himself to Amalthus. He and Amalthus were two different people and drivers and just because Amalthus lost control of Malos didn’t automatically mean that Addam would lose control of Mythra.

As unintentional as it might have been on his end, Addam had no faith or confidence in himself as the driver of the Aegis and thus no faith or confidence in Mythra as his blade. Never once during his time as her active driver did he truly consider that his negative thoughts of him being too afraid to properly use Mythra’s power would taint her perspective on herself as well through his resonance with her. Never once thought that, rather than saving people from her potential wrath by opting to not use her true powers in any capacity that he was instead completely preventing himself from truly connecting with Mythra and learning about her.

And once he finally did get a clue on all of that, it was far too late for him to fix his issues with her. And even though Addam saw Mythra more or less as a surrogate daughter or “kid” of sorts, that otherwise heartwarming bond was fundamentally undermined by his fear of her, and it kept him from truly accepting her as both an individual and the Aegis, as well as kept him from seeing and respecting Mythra as an equal partner, friend and comrade in the same vein he saw Minoth, Team Lora and Team Hugo.

Addam’s desire for a peaceful life and being a father was perfectly fine. Subconsciously imposing the “daughter” identity onto Mythra through his resonance with her to the point of outright rejecting her true nature (Pneuma) as an all powerful blade/Aegis (as in the daughter of the Architect himself) out of fear? Yeah…not so much and he paid a HUGE price for that.

The world didn’t need an all powerful blade with a “childish” mentality to save it even if Addam (understandably) longed for fatherhood himself over being a hero. The world needed the Aegis in her truest form (Pneuma). And the world needed a driver for her that was actually willing to accept and use that power to not just stop Malos, but to also guide humanity towards a brighter future (again, all things he realized far too late and outright mentions in the final message he entrusted to Pyra).

While the surrogate parenting or mentoring (or whatever) from Addam was necessary to a certain degree (since again his desire for fatherhood combined with his intense fears of Aegises is implied to have completely messed up his resonance with the green Aegis core from the very beginning), again, ultimately, Mythra didn’t need a “father” figure in him (nor did she really want that deep down as I pointed out earlier).

She wanted and needed a driver. A TRUE driver. She was expected to be the light of hope for humanity in their darkest hour 500 years ago. However, as Rex will later eventually see and understand once he comes along 500 years later, Addam had failed to truly understand (again until it was far too late for Torna) that Mythra needed someone to be HER light of hope before she could bring hope to everyone else. Again there’s a reason why 500 years later that it wasn’t until Rex proved himself to her as her true driver (i.e., her true emotional anchor) that her true power and nature was ever revealed to him.

Addam was always either too afraid or too hesitant to step up when and where it mattered the most sadly despite his potential for greatness and heroism whether it be with possibly ruling his nation or being the driver of the Aegis. He spent far too much time in his own head stewing in negative hypotheticals (i.e. worrying about the potential consequences of his actions) and that hindered his ability to step up and act when necessary.

And again, a lot of the fears he carried plus the lack of acceptance in all facets of his royal upbringing were his own personal problems and flaws that he never reconciled even before he became Mythra’s driver. Not helping matters is that Mythra represented literally everything in his life he wanted no part of (heroism, royal duties, notoriety, no peace and quiet, basically his life wouldn’t be his own in a way, etc).

Addam being hindered by the “potential” consequences of his actions was definitely one of the major differences between him and Rex despite a lot of other similarities. And in the end, all it amounted to was Addam fundamentally having the opportunities to do great things with both his country (and by extension the world) and his blade, but failing to truly capitalize on them.

By not (subconsciously) fully committing himself to the role as driver of the Aegis, and by not fully seizing the opportunity to guide his nation and the world towards salvation and prosperity when he had the chance (again being too (understandably) hyper focused on achieving his dream of a peaceful farm life with his family completely and utterly removed from everyone and everything), he instead, unwittingly played a part in causing irreparable damage to his nation (and the world for 500 years until Rex and co come along) in spite of achieving victory against Malos. That’s not even getting into the (near) irreparable emotional damage that Mythra (and Pyra) suffered and carried alone for 500 years as a result of his incompetence and fear as her driver. And well….because of all of that….the rest was tragic history….

Not helping matters is that Addam resonated with Mythra in a time period before the “core cleansing” (Amalthus hadn’t yet become Praetor and hadn’t yet started tampering/abusing his master driver powers and stealing data from core crystals) and the whole “passing the weapon” battle style, something that deepened the connection between driver and blade both on and off the battlefield was still a new concept for most other drivers and blades in this time period (including Addam himself) prior to meeting Lora/Jin/Haze.

Despite how wrong Amalthus was for later doing so (because he was starving the world of Titans for people to live on and hurting other blades to suit his own twisted idea of salvation), the core cleansing DID increase the pool of potential drivers by a much larger margin by the time Rex and co are involved, meaning that there were far more drivers around that could offer tips and other useful information about drivers and blades and their connections with each other.

However, in Torna’s time period, people everywhere had to rely on the natural pool of potential drivers (which was stated to be naturally very low and exactly why we only see a very small handful of drivers and blades around in Torna’s time period outside the main party). As a consequence, the synergy/affinity/bond/connection between drivers and blades at large wasn’t near as developed as it would become centuries later. As I mentioned before Lora’s type of bond she forged with both Jin and Haze was considered extremely rare back then.

So, in other words, there were very few people back then outside the party who could have offered a second opinion or perspective. I have to wonder how different things might have been for Torna 500 years ago had there been a “Vandam” type character outside the party that could have helped both Addam and Mythra get over themselves with all of his “Power depends on the heart of it’s wielder” and “If we don’t use our power because we’re scared of it, we’re done for” flavor of wisdom…

It’s all even more tragic in a way considering that some time during the interim between TTGC and XBC2, during her long slumber Mythra must have thought of ways to become more creative, strategical, refined and precise in the use of her powers on her own considering her introduction to the base game party and how she guides Rex against Malos and Akhos.

Not to mention Mythra/Pyra was often the one taking charge and leading the base game party out of trouble and/or coming up with the battle strategies and/or insights on where to go or what to do next. The second encounter against Brighid and Morag as well as the first boss fight against Mikhail and Patroka were a couple prime examples of many, showing that she indeed had the capacity to learn in that regard. It could have very well been possible in Addam’s time had he just not been so afraid of her power and encouraged her a bit more when it came to using it.

Don’t get me wrong, Addam was completely justified in worrying about Mythra becoming the next Malos, and she flat out says that she has no interest in the fate of humans, the world or its future on more than one occasion to be fair. Those are words from her that Rex never hears keep in mind by the time he comes into her life, so Rex has even less cause to be wary of her.

And as I mentioned earlier, Addam seemed less interested in getting to understand Mythra’s powers, her feelings and bringing out her full potential and getting to understand what it truly meant to be the driver of the Aegis and shouldering that burden, or even trying to understand what an “Aegis” truly was because of that very fear and more interested in just stopping Malos so he can work the fields in peace (and given the fact that he’s married and expecting a child no one could truly blame him for that), which while good for him (and again perfectly understandable), that still would have left a divine and all powerful being like Mythra wholly unfulfilled which she alludes to in a rather chilling moment between them when she and Addam were in Indol together after she asks him what they were going to do after defeating Malos “Well that [going home and working the land was Addam’s response] might be good enough for you. But some others might….not be…too pleased with that….”

While definitely unintentional on his end (Addam was a kind hearted man and I’m 100% positive he more than likely intended for her to be a part of his family along with Milton. Well, after defeating Malos anyway), the fact that he seemed overall more interested in merely using her to defeat Malos so he and his family could live in peace and ultimately less interested in becoming the driver that Mythra needed and deserved (at least until it was far too late for it to matter to him, to her or to the rest of the Tornans and their Titan/Nation), there was this sort of unintentional, but still rather unfortunate implication lingering between them that Mythra was only a means to an end for him. He was unintentionally relegating her existence to little more than a super weapon against Malos with nothing really concretely planned to do with her after that regardless of how much he genuinely wanted what was best for her like a father would have in a sense (again, totally 100% unintentional on his end but still somewhat there sadly).

That crippling fear again also definitely played a huge part in that rather disastrous resonance issue between them when Mythra totally snapped after Malos killed Milton. It’s pretty tragically ironic to note that the scenario that Addam feared the most and was trying desperately to prevent throughout the DLC (Mythra losing control of her power and basically becoming the next Malos in a sense) came about ultimately (on his part in their resonance issues anyway) not because Mythra was “inexperienced” or “careless” like he half expected because before Malos did the unthinkable and killed Milton, she was completely on board with the idea of taking down Malos together alongside her friends at that point and had come to value the ties of friendship she forged with all of them and had matured greatly as well as becoming far closer to the more tempered Mythra that we’d eventually see in the base game five centuries later. She had changed for the better, but Addam had not.

Sadly, the disastrous situation came about (again on his part in their resonance issues) because he himself never did anything to try to overcome his fear (despite acknowledging the fear to Lora in an early cutscene) and strengthening his resonance with Mythra.

Even with all of that said, his fear of the Aegis wrath in general was justified sadly because Malos at full power was already on the rampage sowing death and destruction long before Addam resonated with Mythra so that understandably didn’t help with the fear at all (and sort of subconsciously colored his perception of Aegises in general in the negative from the very beginning unfortunately but understandably).

However, Torna The Golden Country did also show that for all intent and purposes, Addam actually did possess the purity and strength of heart and character to potentially wield the true power of the Aegis (the “aptitude” to quote the base game) because face it, if he didn’t hold the potential in itself to do so he would not have been able to resonate with Pueuma’s core crystal period.

Not to mention that he was far more experienced as a driver than Rex, but tragically, that crippling fear held him back from ever realizing his potential for both him and Mythra and things sadly got really FUBAR in the final hours of the expansion as a result. Though of course not all of it was his fault for sure. Circumstances just weren’t on Addam’s side. Mythra definitely was a loose cannon in this DLC for certain particularly in the beginning which didn’t do the best of jobs reassuring him, and Malos, the other Aegis was making a terrifyingly destructive ass of himself, in addition to giving Addam a clear, tangible reminder of who and what Mythra could become if he didn’t exercise the upmost caution. Let’s not forget that Addam was a prince of his nation and already had hundreds of people’s lives dependent on him and his actions with or without being the driver of the Aegis (but becoming so certainly amplified his already large list of responsibilities).

Anybody would be hesitant in the above scenario, and it’s a scenario that Rex was never subjected to thanks in large part to Addam and the heroes of the past) but his fear does play a pretty huge part in why things go to hell for him and Mythra ultimately…Like he said…. sadly in the end, no matter how anyone looks at it, he just “wasn’t man enough” and unfortunately (but still understandably) he ultimately paid the tragic price (said price being losing everything important to him) of being only half committed to the role of “Driver of the Aegis”.

Even Jin, for all his respect for Addam back in the day could tell that he was ultimately not meant to be Mythra’s true driver and that Addam’s bond with her lacked…something. And no I don’t mean “romance” or anything like that. A driver and blade don’t always have to be romantically linked to have a strong bond and resonance. Romance certainly helps to be sure, but it’s not an outright requirement. Hugo’s bond with both Aegeaon and Brighid in the Torna expansion as well as Nia and Dromarch from the base game are two examples of many. Rather, Addam and Mythra lacked a genuine sense of trust, faith, understanding and affinity with each other as driver and blade even though they got along well enough otherwise. And this is before everything goes to hell.

Lora and Jin (after the latter overhears the conversation Lora had with Addam earlier in the expansion about his fears and he gets to know Mythra better) see Addam’s issues with fear and that his resonance with Mythra was lacking because of it (and seeing that it wasn’t so simple a problem as Mythra merely being “careless” or hard to deal with as it appeared on the surface. Partially, but not completely). The problem was neither one seemed to think it important enough (or their place) to note to Addam directly prior to the final battle.

Nor was Addam ever forced to confront the full ramifications of said fears and how they tainted his resonance with Mythra until it was far too late. Lora thinks Addam will figure it out with time (never mind the fact that time wasn’t exactly a luxury they had and it’s not like that wasn’t obvious) and Jin flat out went meta and said to Mythra that he honestly believed that the bond she had been searching for (”A driver and blade are one in body and soul”) ultimately wouldn’t be found in Addam but with another driver well into the future (which is probably why he didn’t bother to note anything to Addam himself).

Though to be completely fair, just like Addam had ample reason to fear the true power of the Aegis, Rex had plenty of reasons and completely differing circumstances from Addam that worked in his favor that led him to ultimately being able to accept Mythra/Pyra.

Despite that though, Rex does still start off with a true lack of understanding of Pyra and Mythra’s feelings and their true burden, as well as the knowledge of the ends and outs of being a driver period, (let alone the driver of the Aegis) before shit hit the fan for him too. Because let’s face it. He was more or less an immature, inexperienced, clueless and reckless idiot for roughly seven chapters before he finally got it together (something he himself notes at the end of said chapter). And just because Rex did ultimately help Pyra and Mythra by accepting them doesn’t mean he didn’t fail a lot before it happened (and even somewhat after the fact).

Seriously, I get tired of these Rex vs Addam topics that frame Rex as a complete success in every way (as if the boy never failed in any capacity, or as if his successes took place solely in a vacuum of his own skills. Yeah hardly) and framing Addam as a total failure in every way just because the former succeeded with Mythra/Pyra.

Again, that is a very distorted picture of both their accomplishments for the world as a whole to say the least…Never mind the fact that Addam’s actions five centuries ago kept the entire world from completely ending and gave the future generation a fighting chance, as well as his time with Mythra also had a humanizing factor on her which gave her the experience, clarity and perspective for a blade necessary to counterbalance Rex’s inexperience, naivety and recklessness as a driver.

I’m honestly not trying to take away from Rex’s long list of accomplishments or his eventual character growth (hence the coming of age story), but rather to remind people that the boy actually DID fail at times and that there’s more to his story than just his success with the Aegis. (Not trying to shit on Rex but the boy WAS dumb from time to time….just saying).

Anyway case in point for Rex’s failures, his character flaws, and him just ultimately being a child that’s “stumbling his way forward” (at least for a good stretch of the story):

Chapter 1 (Encounters)

He gets himself killed by Jin because of his childish naiveté. He didn’t take the time to investigate the job and his employers. All he heard when he accepted the job was “200,000 gold in total” and common sense just flew right out the window. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is…and he would have remained dead had Pyra not brought him back out of the kindness of her heart…..

Well that and she was initially just using him to get to Elysium to die herself. Yeah, it’s complicated I guess and this encounter with her shows that Rex is far too naive and trusting for his own good (hell, being too trusting already got the boy killed). Seriously, Pyra and Mythra are subtle as sin when it comes to manipulation and lying by omission, particularly with Rex and this side of their characters will show up again in the final chapter…..

But to be fair, this particular encounter does also put Rex in a better position to bond much more deeply with Pyra (and later Mythra too) because it sets her up as his savior that he’s indebted to rather than a potentially scary world destroying Aegis as the latter was the case for Addam.

However, let’s not forget the fact that had it not been for Azurda’s daring rescue (which almost cost him his life btw), Rex, Pyra, Nia and Dromarch would have been screwed. And to be frank, this sort of starts a trend for the first five or so chapters of Rex getting bailed out of dealing with his issues of driver inexperience and naivety by some sort of plot contrivance instead of his own skills…

Chapter 2 (Aptitude)

He and Nia were outmatched by a solo Brighid, and when the enemy captured Nia in one of those ether suppressing nets Rex didn’t want to run and leave her behind. That’s kind on his end but at the same time it also shows a few of his character flaws (immaturity and not knowing when to withdraw from the battlefield and realizing that sometimes a person really can’t save someone) and childish nature working against him.

Thanks to Rex’s inability to let go, he almost missed his chance to escape and would have been captured as well had (soon-to-be-new-party-member) Tora, (who was trying to snipe the soldiers because he thinks they’re bullies) not missed his target and hit the water pipe that Brighid was standing under, and the water (rather conveniently) weakened Brighid, giving Pyra and Rex a lucky opening to retreat.

And later he and the party were practically useless against Morag and Brighid together and Rex and co have to destroy a whole water tower JUST TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM. Though, to be completely fair, the way Rex and the team destroyed the water tower was an impressive display of teamwork and timing (and did a good job of showing that Rex did indeed have the capacity to think on his feet as well as his “good instincts” that Brighid notes).

However, we find out a bit later that little stunt caused A LOT of problems for both him and the common folks. Bandits attacked and ransacked the village of Cordell, one of the only few places left in Gormott that had accessible water, which led Rhys to stealing Roc’s core crystal in an attempt to avenge his now lost home and family not to mention that a lot of the town folks’ livelihoods depended on that water tower and Rex screwed them over by toppling it (though Rex does help little Rhys and his friends find their start as salvagers, enabling them to earn their livings).

Chapter 3 (Our Own War)

The idea to take an airship straight to the World Tree to get to Elysium….(sigh)…..come on Rex, if it was that easy then the World Tree would be far more accessible to practically anyone with a ship (and Elysium would have been discovered a long time ago). The fact that everyone went along with that idea was pretty egregious…I would have expected at least Nia to call him on that one…not to mention thanks to crashing the ship that Umon let him borrow, it really put Umon out on a limb when it came to his airship business for the majority of the game and made him a depressed suicidal wreck (though to be fair, Rex and Co can later do a series of quests and Merc missions to help Umon get back on track).

Let’s not forget his first encounter against Vandam showed his complete inexperience as a driver (not listening to Pyra telling him to wait because she can’t transfer power that fast) despite having the Aegis on his side and how his bullheadedness there would have gotten him killed had Vandam actually been serious and not the kind man he was. Not to mention that while he does learn and embrace some life long lessons that Vandam passes along to him, Rex still immaturely brushes off Vandam’s warnings about the true burden of being the driver of the Aegis. Vandam rightfully points out that “the whole world is gonna try and scalp you. You realize that?” and that Rex sharing a life force with Pyra is a bigger problem than Rex understands.

All Rex can respond with are his typical empty platitudes about banding together and that he’ll protect Pyra no matter what and “That’s just how the chips fell. It is what it is” regarding the “sharing their life force” thing. Those are all kind and admirable things to declare for one so young definitely, and I applaud anyone able to smile in the face of adversity don’t get me wrong, but Rex is still so incredibly green at being a driver period and so hopelessly naive about the world and life in general at this point in the narrative that he doesn’t have the power, skill or mature perspective necessary to understand the burden of being the Aegis driver.

Nor can Rex erase everyone’s (valid) increasing concerns and doubts about some random kid salvager with no obvious driver skill somehow being the Aegis’s driver. Rex is being pretty naive now and will grow somewhat arrogant and complacent once Mythra awakens due to her immense power, “feeling like he can do anything”, but he will pay a very hard price later for brushing off Vandam’s concerns (that hard price taking place towards the end of chapter six and the majority of chapter seven but we’ll get to all of that soon).

Anyway, that’s not to mention Rex’s sheer uselessness and incompetence against Akhos and Malos a bit later contributes to causing the death of his mentor and friend Vandam. And even when it’s clear that he’s outmatched, Rex still goes charging in like an idiot twice. And by the way the first time he doesn’t have the excuse of being in a grief stricken rage because Vandam is still alive the first time.

Even so, thanks to Rex’s idiotic and reckless behavior, he ends up forcing Vandam to rush in to try and save his ass after he rushes ahead without thinking, charging at Akhos as he starts prattling on about using Obrona’s abilities to disrupt the ether flow in the area with Rex screaming “You’re bluffing!” at Akhos like a cocky and reckless dumbass (sorry I couldn’t resist lol I love Mythra so much. Hey at least she didn’t call Rex one even if admittedly it would have been somewhat justified lol), and the second time Rex rushes off without a plan when it’s clear he’s outmatched is after Malos killed Vandam (when he should have listened to Vandam mere moments prior and fled the battlefield).

So, I’ll say it plain: it’s pretty clear that it was only thanks to Mythra’s awakening that Rex survived this battle at all considering all he did prior to this point (for pretty much the whole chapter with every fight he was in including this current one) was rush ahead recklessly with no plan of action combined with a rather wasteful use of blade artes. Yeah….if Mythra hadn’t stepped in soon, him charging in like an idiot would have gotten himself killed a second time.

Despite him and the party not really knowing and understanding the full weight of Mythra’s anger at being brought back (and how her lashing out was less directed at him and more her just being utterly frightened at being back in the real world and just reacting very poorly) her harsh words to him about his incompetence and him not possessing the maturity to know when to hold back and withdraw and learning to accept his own limitations as just one person in the world (something that Addam will also later call him out on) and blindly rushing the enemy weren’t without merit which he even admits and notably, to give Rex some credit, from this point on he doesn’t just go charging his enemies blindly anymore.

It doesn’t really help that Rex’s only defense to Mythra calling him on his immaturity and recklessness is “I couldn’t hand you over to them. I wanted to keep you safe”. Sure, that line from him sort of stopped Mythra’s rant, (and it’s clear she feels guilty about taking her frustrations out on Rex at the moment and wasn’t expecting the concern from him), but it still didn’t negate her main point at all. Now, his intentions may have been noble, but the bottom line was that sometimes if a person is outmatched in battle then they’re just outmatched. Period. And that sometimes fleeing the battlefield IS the proper way to ensure the safety of one’s friends/comrades in arms especially when given an opening to do so.

And before anyone tries to say “well there’s no guarantee that Rex and Co. would have escaped anyway”, well maybe and maybe not but that’s not really the point here to be candid. The fact that Rex didn’t even attempt to do so when Vandam clearly gave him an opening only further highlighted both his immaturity and recklessness, as well as the fact that Rex wasn’t quite ready to do what it took to not only “fight his own war” but to also win it (i.e accept that sacrifices are sometimes inevitable during a war and learn to respect that choice when another person willingly decides to make that personal sacrifice for the greater good).

And merely charging forward in a blind rage regardless only just further endangered the team and those around him and was just foolish and immature (and frankly, just spitting on Vandam’s sacrifice) and would have cost more lives in the long run (something Mythra is ALL TOO AWARE OF given what happened to her 500 years ago against Malos). So, as far as I was concerned, it was about time someone really called him out on his stupidity of charging into a battle blindly and/or losing his head and wasting blade artes when provoked (again, from this point onwards he stops all of that) so he could start developing beyond that crap…

However, to be fair, this whole first encounter with Mythra’s awakening sets her up as a savior and protector to Rex (and the rest of the party), and since she used her powers (that she apparently loathes for very valid reasons not immediately obvious to the party at the moment) to ultimately protect and save them all from certain death, they’re all more than willing to learn about her along with Pyra and they accept Mythra into the group wholeheartedly despite her abrasiveness and her “pretty crazy” powers, something she more than likely wasn’t expecting given all the insults and bullying she suffered in the past.

This becomes more obvious a bit later when the party is in Mor Ardain in the next chapter. Mythra does have a nice bonding moment with Nia and Poppi in the hot springs with Nia trusting her with a very important secret of hers no less, and Rex declares shortly after (once he teases her a bit about her “touchiness” lol) that he wants to get to know about her too just like he does Pyra.

Though again, as Rex outright admits when Pyra tries to apologize for Mythra’s behavior, her harsh words towards him weren’t exactly without merit and he takes it as tough love and ultimately learns something from the whole experience (and is willing to accept his culpability in Vandam’s death). He outright THANKS Pyra/Mythra for “Protecting everyone” with her powers (a very significant gesture even if Rex isn’t fully aware of just how much so at this point) and declares that “Her powers are incredible. I could feel the truth behind the legends”, implying that he’s hoping that he has the opportunity see more of what Pyra and Mythra are capable of in the future. Also, he is actually encouraging them to use their power when it’s necessary and wholeheartedly believes that her power is the power “to keep others safe and smiling” (again very significant).

The only thing Rex admonished Pyra/Mythra for was their constant apologizing for using those powers at all. A stark, but very much needed and welcomed, (if unexpected from Pyra/Mythra’s perspective), contrast to everyone around her 500 years ago (especially her driver back then) constantly implying and declaring how dangerous her powers were and that she’d only cause “too many casualties and too much destruction” if she used them in any capacity whatsoever.

Chapter 4 (Aegis)

He’s pretty helpless against Rosa story wise (Pyra’s not strong enough to make a dent in her and Mythra’s power doesn’t work that well in the tight indoor space they were in lest she bring the entire building down around them) and it’s only thanks to Poppi’s new mode that they won that battle.

Not to mention that he has to be saved by Morag and Brighid when Mikhail and Patroka show up and even then, Mythra was the one who ultimately defeated them (by killing off their blades). Then he’s bailed out again (after Patroka snaps and is about to unleash hell) by Haze/Fan La Norne’s ability to restrict blades (which forces Mikhail and Patroka to retreat) and she does kind of show up out of nowhere from Rex’s point of view.

Chapter 5 (Masters and Slaves)

He and the team fail to defeat Jin despite Haze’s ability to restrict his powers which resulted in Haze’s/Fan La Norne’s death. Not to mention that it takes Amalthus and Indol stepping in to prevent Mor Ardain and Uraya from going into all out war (Jin and the rest of Torna had set the two countries against each other). The whole reason Rex and co went to Temperantia was to try and stop the fighting between the two nations before it started. They took too long fighting off Jin and that titan weapon and again had Indol not stepped in there would have been a meaningless war between Uraya and Mor Ardain.

It’s also worth noting that when Amalthus calls the meeting of the world leaders and the ceasefire between Mor Ardain and Uraya, that Rex, despite being Mythra’s driver, isn’t deemed important or experienced enough to stand beside her during the meeting to testify about Malos and Torna. It’s actually implied that had he attended the meeting, Mythra, Zeke, and Morag’s credibility would have been questioned if not outright compromised.

Chapter 6 (Wounds)

Do I even need to go into how Jin utterly humiliated Rex and the party here and took Pyra/Mythra away? Not to mention that this chapter does a very good job of showing that even with the power of the Aegis on his side, and despite some improvements in his driver capabilities, Rex still really doesn’t know what he’s doing and up until this point he’s just been beam spamming Pyra and Mythra’s abilities (and that’s just been enough to keep him alive up until this point thanks in large part to Mythra and her power/experience) and not really understanding what it truly means to be driver and blade (as he said in chapter 5 he’s just “stumbling his way forward”).

As Jin points out to him, despite the heavy wounds Pyra/Mythra had, Rex didn’t even notice and all he was thinking about in the moment was himself (and to be blunt, Jin had a valid point on Rex being a “pitiful, childish fool” at this point in the story). At the moment, he’s on a similar path as Addam was when it came to the Aegis in a way (on the path to failure with her because he can’t or won’t get over himself).

In Addam’s case he was too focused on stopping Malos and not truly understanding and realizing that there was much more to being the driver of the Aegis than just merely stopping another Aegis’s destructive rampage and that he needed to work on conquering his fear so he could truly bond with Mythra (and get out of his own head about said fears and worrying about what MIGHT happen with Mythra instead of focusing on what WAS happening with her, i.e., she was remaining loyal to him, indicating that she had more faith in him than he ultimately did in her). Not to mention that regardless of his desire to take up farming and settle down with his family well removed from everything, his troubles in his kingdom as well as his status as the Aegis’s driver would have all but prevented that. And sadly he didn’t realize his short-sighted mistakes until everything had already gone to hell around him (right after Torna’s destruction).

Rex, in comparison at this point, is too focused on trying to get to Elysium so he can “find the answers they’re all looking for” and merely trying to pay Pyra and Mythra back for their kindness of bringing him back from the dead by fulfilling their request to be escorted to Elysium. He’s naively believing that everything will just somehow work out for everyone once they arrive, (and not realizing that there’s much more to being an Aegis’s driver than just an escort mission) and just ultimately not understanding what it means to be driver and blade and what he’s truly involved himself in by being the driver of the Aegis.

Similarly to how Addam didn’t understand how his fears messed everything up for him and Mythra from the beginning (and were steadily doing so throughout his campaign with her until it was too late), Rex is not realizing just how detrimental both his inexperience and his ignorance (of “Aegises”) really is to Pyra and Mythra and not truly understanding the immense guilt, loss, and sacrifice they’ve carried over the centuries, and not truly understanding what it means to carry those burdens with her.

Seriously, being completely ignorant of everything (Rex) can be just as bad as being too fearful and unprepared to act when and where it matters most (Addam). And regardless of whichever the lack of understanding is stemming from (fear or inexperience from Addam and Rex respectively), at this point, it still amounts to the same thing for the Aegis: That Pyra and Mythra aren’t truly being understood and accepted for who and what they are. That they’re being held back and feeling alienated by their drivers (unintentional as it may have been in both cases) and feeling like they have no real place in the world.

None of that is even getting into Rex’s lack of knowledge about being a driver period since this is the same chapter he even finds out how blade weapons work and we’re over halfway through the game at this point and his driver inexperience is still serving as a serious issue and hindrance.

To be perfectly candid, prior to me as the player experiencing just how badly the party was going to lose here, I was wondering “Okay….so just what sort of plot contrivance is going to bail Rex out of dealing with his issues of inexperience, immaturity and naivety THIS time?”. I mean let’s recap, chapter 1) Pyra sacrificing half her life and Azurda’s rescue, chapter 2) Tora with his boom biter, chapter 3) Mythra’s awakening, chapter 4) Haze/Fan La Norne coming out of nowhere with her blade restricting powers, chapter 5) Indol and Amalthus stepping in to prevent war between Uraya and Mor Ardain……Yeah.

But to my surprise there was nothing bailing him out this time and of course, because Rex is so inexperienced with being a driver period (much less the driver of the Aegis) the expected thing happens: He’s finally forced to confront head on the full ramifications of essentially being a light hearted kid (and somewhat cocky kid as well because of Mythra’s power until it didn’t work here. As Rex said “No….Mythra’s attack didn’t…..”) playing at hero with an all powerful blade but with he himself possessing little to no driver skill and understanding.

In other words, he straight up loses both the battle and Pyra/Mythra and he has nothing but his own shortcomings and inexperience to blame for it. He even says at the beginning of the next chapter that “When I became the driver of the Aegis. Her driver. I felt like I could do anything. But I was just kidding myself” indicating that his ego received a massive boost until reality hit him hard here (which would probably go a long way towards explaining a lot of Rex’s earlier recklessness in previous chapters prior to this moment). Yeah….having an all powerful weapon/blade at one’s disposal actually doesn’t make a person invincible, especially when said person is lacking in skill, experience and understanding. Who knew?

Well that and to be completely fair, given the title of the next chapter (”The Fear She Carries”), as well as what we saw her do to Malos back in TTGC in their final battle and the immense power she generated out of rage, it’s also heavily implied that Mythra was holding back A LOT of her power to avoid a repeat of Torna because there’s NO way Jin would have stood a chance against Mythra otherwise (let alone her true Pneuma form which is proven in the next chapter) even in his full flesh eater form.

Chapter 7 (The Fear She Carries)

Now don’t get me wrong, Rex’s despair at losing so thoroughly to Jin (and losing Pyra/Mythra to the enemy as a result) was very justified. However, it still doesn’t change the fact that had it not been for the party talking him out of giving up he would have straight up left for Argentum like a little kid just because things were getting too tough for him. It’s just further reason why I personally believe that had Rex as he is in the base game had been in Addam’s place 500 years ago, his inexperience as a driver would have been far more damaging and would have doomed the world. (More on this point a bit later).

That’s not getting into the fact that ultimately Rex was partially responsible for putting Pyra/Mythra in that position in the first place (by them giving him half her life force because he got himself killed back in chapter one), and his inexperience at being a driver cost him the battle with Jin, which forced Pyra/Mythra to surrender themselves to the enemy (as well as not yet understanding the full weight of being the Aegis’s driver due to said inexperience) and was more or less spitting on all the sacrifices they made for him by even entertaining the notion of leaving them behind without even trying to rescue them (basically taking Pyra/Mythra and the gift of life they gave him for granted) which both Nia and Brighid waste no time calling him out on given what the latter overheard between Pyra and Corinne back in Fonsett Village.

The full weight of the responsibility as the “driver of the Aegis” (along with all the hardships and fears that come along with that role) and what Vandam tried to warn Rex about back in chapter three is only just now beginning to truly sink in for him (that “Rex, you’re the driver of the Aegis. The whole world is gonna try and scalp you. You realize that? How are you gonna live when you’ve got everyone gunning for you? Be easier to run. All you’ve gotta do is ditch that girl.”).

And now Rex has to confront (and ultimately conquer) a similar fear that Addam struggled with all throughout his campaign with the Aegis (and that Addam ultimately failed to conquer): the fear of ultimately not being up to the task and possibly, unwittingly, causing irreparable harm to the people he cares about and the world. Only now Rex has the additional weight of retrieving her from the enemy that completely handed him his ass a mere two days ago….

As I said before, Rex immaturely brushed off Vandam’s warnings back in chapter three with his typical optimistic nonchalance and empty naive platitudes of “I’ll protect her” and “We can make it together”, and now he’s paying the price for his complacency and arrogance born of naïveté.

With Pyra/Mythra effectively stolen from him directly under his watch (despite declaring that he’d protect her), he’s now forced to see that blind optimism alone is not going to be enough for him to achieve success in his quest towards Elysium or being Pyra/Mythra’s true driver. Nor does merely having that power make him a completely invincible hero and he now has only two choices before him:

1) He can either continue to internalize those self-doubts and negative feelings and shy away from the responsibility as Pyra/Mythra’s driver out of fear and distance himself from her like Addam did throughout his campaign (and after the Aegis War). Notably, this is actually exactly what Rex initially starts doing in the beginning of this chapter after waking up from his two day coma trying to head for Argentum after losing her.

2) Or Rex can choose to face himself and those self-doubts and fears head-on, do what even Addam himself could not, and truly rise to the challenge of being the driver of the Aegis before it really is too late for her and the rest of the world.

Thankfully, unlike Addam and Mythra’s old friends and allies from the past who shared in Addam’s fearful concerns about Mythra and her power (not without reason though admittedly) and unwittingly reinforced those fears and (unintentionally) pushed Addam toward the first option (with disastrous consequences), Rex and Pyra/Mythra’s friends in this time, (along with the King of Tantal outright revealing the third sword and it’s speculated location, renewing the party’s hope with the mention of Pyra/Mythra’s greater power existing in their obvious time of need), they all (not so gently) outright shove Rex toward the latter choice and help him realize that now is not the time to shy away from that duty or his dream of traveling to Elysium alongside the Aegis, and that it’s hardships and defeats like this one where a person can truly have the opportunity to see and reach their full capabilities and potential.

However, the game still doesn’t shy away from calling Rex out on his inexperience, as several characters throughout the XBC2 story even prior to this moment (both in the party and out) have noted how “green” Rex is as a driver, and were understandably worried that his inexperience as a driver would cause the Aegis to either 1) lose control of her power just like she did in the past, and considering she brought the world’s most powerful titan down (Torna) in a matter of minutes if not in a few hours 500 years ago in a fit of pique with her full power that not even “the great hero Addam” could control….well yeah, or 2) the Aegis would fall into the wrong hands. Reality finally kicked in for the plot regarding Rex and his inexperience. The latter outcome happened and now it’s all come to a head.

King Eulogimenos of Tantal said it best: “Now Rex, you were defeated by Jin. Doubtless, that man is a powerful warrior. But even so, can this be right? Can the Aegis herself truly be outmatched by a single opposing blade? Would it not make more sense to presume…that you lost because you have yet to unlock the true power of the Aegis?

And later after trekking to the end of the Spirit Crucible Elpys, while admittedly a victory in itself (and his salvager training does indeed come in handy with helping him deal with the “hard to breathe” conditions of the place that hinder most of the rest of the party), he still would have gotten overwhelmed by Addam’s Phantasms (long before they acknowledged Rex as “the one”) had Nia not revealed her flesh eater status to the party and saved him. Though to be fair, the fact that Nia had finally grown comfortable enough to reveal her true nature to him and the party was due in large part to Rex himself.

Not to mention that while Rex is the one that rouses them (and that is his victory of course. Not saying it isn’t), it still doesn’t change the fact that he and the party were just mere seconds shy of being completely doomed against Jin and Malos at the end of the chapter (whom which the latter had just regained ALL of his Aegis abilities and from what we saw in TTGC, that’s not a good thing….) had Pyra/Mythra not woken up when they did in their “true” form…Because as Mythra will say to Rex in chapter 8, she and Pyra made a choice as well to continue on and “not to live in fear”.

Had Rex not finally gotten his shit together in time, they might have not chosen to accept him as their driver or chosen to live on period as I noted near the beginning of the post about just how crucial a strong driver/blade bond really is to a blade. Despite that though, it was ultimately still Addam who told Rex what to do in order to help Pyra/Mythra. We can’t just selectively ignore that fact either.

It is also worth noting that the Aegis herself was almost disposed of permanently, and history was mere seconds shy of tragically repeating itself in an even worse way when it comes to Pyra/Mythra and them having issues with their drivers not getting it together and causing them and the world to suffer because of it thanks to Rex’s immaturity and him stumbling forward without a damn clue for well over half the game.

Despite all of what I said, I’m not blind to Rex’s successes here in this chapter (just not blind to his failures along with his successes). Of course, to give Rex his due, he does acknowledge most, if not all of what I just said on his own in this chapter, and rather maturely and calmly readies himself to face Malos and Jin despite what the former bastard just did to Pyra/Mythra rather than just blindly charging forward like a fool. A stark contrast to how he acted when Vandam was killed (even Malos respects this newfound maturity in Rex enough to note it) and as a result he holds his own pretty well against Jin with some pretty impressive swordsmanship as he’s trying to rouse Pyra/Mythra to come back.

And in the moment when Rex reaches out to Pyra and Mythra and they’re willing to answer his call by baring their whole being to him mind, body, and soul, (showing that they now don’t just view Rex as a very loving and kind hearted but ultimately a naive and inexperienced boy that stumbled into both their power and their many, many issues (to put it mildly), but now a young man who could and would accept all of who and what they are without fail), it finally and truly feels like he’s legitimately EARNED the right to be the Aegis’s driver (fitting, as this is Pyra and Mythra’s “one true” sword form) instead of just stumbling into the power by complete chance and/or recklessness and stupidity (Dying his way to becoming Pyra’s driver in the beginning due to his childish naiveté/his sheer idiocy and immaturity in chapter three forcing Mythra to come back into play to save his ass). And in light of TTGC, a lot of specific quotes that Rex says to them in his speech stand out so much more now such as “We’ll find out together! We’ll find your place in this world!” and “I won’t let the world burn a second time”.

This is also just as much a victory for Pyra/Mythra as it is for Rex. In the moment where they accept Rex as their true driver, it really feels like they’re both FINALLY able to start moving forward and look to the future thanks to having someone to truly live for, and gaining a new hope for a future they can safely be a part of to be sure. And it’s not just them feeling and receiving a sense of true attachment and acceptance towards/from Rex, but towards/from everyone else in the party as well. To be honest, these are bonds of true acceptance and love Pyra and Mythra have never truly felt for anyone or received in turn from anyone since being stolen away from their home (courtesy of Amalthus) all those centuries ago.

Not to say that Mythra didn’t grow to eventually cherish her first group of friends by the end of their journey together. Notably, during her final battle against Malos 500 years ago, she sees visions of her current friends first before the future visions of Rex. So she certainly did. However, in this new generation, it truly feels more like Pyra/Mythra have a place and acceptance in the world with Rex and co in a way that honestly wasn’t really there for them with their first group of allies 500 years ago.

I think Jin said it best 500 years ago “Your real affinity lies somewhere in the future, not in the time we’re in now”. Sure, he was talking about Mythra’s true driver affinity, but I think that sentiment could also extend to the newfound group of friends/family she’s a part of now.

To me, Rex being chosen as the salvager to find Pyra/Mythra was a mere technicality in being the start to setting everything right after what happened in Torna’s time period. No. THIS moment here was truly the beginning of the end of the “500 year long curse” , the first real visible crack in the tragic cycle, as far as I was concerned.

And to give Addam some credit too, this is the chapter in which we find out that he was the one who founded Fonsett Village five centuries ago. What if Addam hadn’t done that? Rex’s biological mother and father would have had nowhere to find refuge for him (both of his parents were fatally wounded in some unknown tragedy and Rex was barely two years old at that point). Rex would have died long before the story began. So, Addam indirectly saved his life. Just something else to consider.

Not to mention that Hero’s Rest/Fonsett Village itself was founded on the dream that Addam always held for himself but could never truly achieve: A carefree village well removed from the woes of society and politics where the people there all love and support each other. The game makes a point of saying that only someone from this sort of village in general could become the true driver of the Aegis. Growing up removed from the harsher realities of the world gave Rex (and others from the village) a very unique flavor of optimism and hope for the future not found in other settlements and titans (things that both Morag and Zeke note).

And again, Addam was ultimately the one who guided Rex in helping the Aegis rediscover and reconnect with her “true” self. With his final words of wisdom to Rex in the Elpys (”When you take on the weight of all the fear she carries, then you will be her true driver”), and trusting that Rex will be able to achieve what he could not, Addam’s spirit is finally able to find peace and move on from the past after being bound to the world for 500 years, and I’d say that Addam and Mythra’s story has come full circle now with Mythra/Pyra finally finding what they were looking for and with Addam finally able to truly help and support her without fear (as he admits he should have done in the first place).

Chapter 8 (World Tree)

Rex does get a break here at least and to be fair he’s matured quite a bit from the inexperienced and reckless kid he was from the start. And it’s nice to see him and Mythra bonding and him able to finally get her to open up to him considering the bulk of the “ship tease” has centered around the Pyra persona. If I recall correctly, this point (and beyond) is where the player may start receiving a post battle quote between Azurda and Mythra with her admitting that “her spirit is all the warmer thanks to him [Rex]” after he asks her if she thinks Rex is shaping up to be a good driver for her or not. Though despite all of that, some of the aforementioned inexperience driver problems still exist for him which leads me into….

Chapter 9 (Rain)

Even if Rex has unlocked the master driver program….Amalthus’s level of experience and mastery with the same power puts Rex to shame to be honest even considering the Amp towers/half of Haze’s core crystal that Amalthus was using. Just a case of reality ensues. Rex might have unlocked Pneuma’s true powers, but there’s a huge difference in merely unlocking that power and truly mastering it. All Rex can really do with the master driver program is borrow blades from the other party members, and to be fair he’s still a decent fighter with or without that power so that helps a bit.

Still nowhere near what Amalthus demonstrates overall (bonding, or I guess stealing in his case) with other blades in addition to: erasing blade memories, stealing data from their Core Crystals, creating Blade Eaters, as well as the “core cleansing” that Amalthus does earlier in chapter 5. Of course, Rex wouldn’t abuse the power like that even if he had full mastery, but it still doesn’t change the fact that ultimately Amalthus’s experience with the master driver program is more developed than his by far.

Though to be completely fair, he, Mythra and Poppi do succeed in destroying the Amp towers Amalthus was using to control the other titans. However, even later when the party faces Amalthus in battle, even with Pyra/Mythra’s true power, Rex still gets overwhelmed (thanks again to the whole “sharing their life force” issue after Mythra takes an attack that was meant for Jin) and ultimately Jin is the one that saves the day there at the cost of his life (though he goes out with a smile at least and it is nice to see Jin and Mythra patch things up in a sense before his heroic sacrifice after all the pain and resentment between them especially in light of TTGC).

Chapter 10 (An Thus, Boy Met Girl)

Finally making it to Elysium to find it a barren wasteland devoid of life. Not to say that that in itself was Rex’s fault (hardly) but it did show that ultimately Rex was putting far too much of his faith in a childish pipe dream to save the world with no clear alternatives should said dream prove to be the total opposite of the reality. The dream world of Elysium was a good one, the reality as we all saw….not so much. And this was something Nia called him out on as early as chapter two but he never stopped to even consider the possibility.

And furthermore, what if Elysium hadn’t been the barren wasteland we found but instead a bountiful land already inhabited by people living their own lives? I personally don’t think those people would have been happy with foreigners assuming they could just move in on their territory. Rex could have been responsible for starting a whole different war on that front so his initial plan to travel to Elysium to save the world was doomed to fall apart one way or another…..

That’s not even getting into how Klaus/The Architect basically ripped into Rex’s deepest insecurities about the harsh reality of Elysium and his own short comings and it takes Pyra literally just telling her father to stop torturing Rex and the party (they were all going through their own separate tests independent of the one we as the player experienced with Rex) before things really got out of hand. Nothing Rex himself did during those moments disproved or challenged those insecurities.

Though of course to give Rex his due credit, the Architect himself does decide to no longer remain passive and unresponsive to the troubles of his created world (Alrest) thanks to Rex being who he is and seeing the bond Rex has forged with his daughter (Pyra/Mythra) and that definitely gives the party an edge against Malos in the final battle. And considering Malos has linked up with the ultimate Artifice Aion at this point….well….yeah. Not to mention that had he not met Rex and saw the bond he forged with Pyra/Mythra, the Architect would have just sat by while the entire world was destroyed (and would probably have not granted humanity the “last gift” of the current titans joining together to create enough land for humans to settle on. A new “Elysium” of sorts).

Despite all of that though, Rex still hasn’t quite learned that his constant whining about not wanting to leave people behind, while definitely kind on his end, is still ultimately a problem (and in some cases have left him and the party wide open to the enemy when in a battle or dire situation that forces them to retreat) with his rather long tirade with Mythra/Pyra getting ready to sacrifice themselves before Zeke literally says “How long do you plan on being a baby?”.

Not helping matters is the fact that Pyra/Mythra had to essentially manipulate the entire situation prior to this moment in such a way that would ultimately force Rex to let them go rather than him coming to the conclusion on his own that as much as he hated it, there was nothing he could do to help Pyra/Mythra at that point. Seriously, they can read the boy like a book and show that they’re willing to manipulate a situation to override Rex’s immature stubbornness if need be.

To Rex’s credit though, he eventually does man up here and move on but the cutscene to get to that point was a rather unnecessarily long one because this lesson should have stuck at least a bit better considering what happened with Vandam way back in chapter three….Now don’t mistake that. I’m not in any way saying that Rex didn’t have a right to be upset that the girl he loved was more or less preparing to sacrifice herself (hardly). I’m just merely pointing out that his inability to let go of people in itself (trying to save everyone is admirable but ultimately just not feasible at times) and learn to accept that life is sometimes about sacrifice (harsh but true) has been a recurring flaw in his character and has often caused him and the party a lot of issues that could have been avoided.

Hell, by the time the ending scenes came about with Rex, I was actually glad the game didn’t follow through completely with Pyra/Mythra’s sacrifice…..I was like “damn just throw this kid a bone already”…Hey, I’m just pointing out that Rex failed just as much as he succeeded really. Him accepting Pyra and Mythra doesn’t just all of a sudden negate all of his failures, his character flaws, and his often sheer stupidity and immaturity IMO for well over half the game.

Nor does his success with Pyra and Mythra somehow negate how Rex’s childish and naive nature often proved to be, yes his greatest strength. That childish innocence being the very factor that helped him save Pyra/Mythra from themselves which in turn led to a lot of other positive changes for the world and ultimately the breaking of the “500 year long curse”).

However, at times it also served as his greatest weakness (his complete inexperience as a driver and his inability to see his own limitations and accept that sometimes life is about sacrifice especially when he’s the driver of the Aegis often caused him and the party a lot of issues), even with us as the players knowing the full weight of how Addam’s fear held him back from doing what Rex did when it came to the Aegis.

Also worth noting that I see a lot of is that it isn’t fair to constantly call out Addam on every failure that he made (even if admittedly said failures did lead to a lot of unfortunate events and devastation for both Mythra and the world) without acknowledging his accomplishments and truly appreciating the fact that he did prevent the entire world from burning 500 years ago and how he stepped up for the Aegis after the fact to at least ensure that Mythra and Pyra (and by extension the whole world) would eventually be saved (which again, gave the future generation a fighting chance thanks to Addam and his friends and their sacrifices).

Sadly again though, Mythra losing her head in rage and blowing up Torna was his rather unfortunate reality check on how damaging his preconceived fears were for his resonance with her which obviously (and unfortunately) didn’t afford him time to make things right to prevent the devastation she caused….Even so, Addam surely devoted himself to Mythra after the fact despite sealing her away (for 500 years even after his death no less) to try and make up for not being the driver she needed him to be during his time with her.

By contrast, it isn’t fair to completely gloss over and/or ignore Rex’s often sheer stupidity and his failures even if he did manage to save Pyra and Mythra from themselves by accepting them and even if admittedly, that was a major first step in setting right everything that had gone wrong in the past. He even acknowledges himself how clueless, immature, inexperienced, happy-go-lucky and reckless he had been for over half the game at the end of chapter seven and just how damaging that really was for Pyra and Mythra because he wasn’t truly understanding their plight and their despair/fear (though to be completely fair, Pyra and Mythra went out of their way to explicitly hide it all from him until it came to a head but still…).

Not to mention that his complete inexperience as a driver, nearly cost him and the world Pyra and Mythra (i.e. the Aegis on the side of humanity was almost killed off for real. The one person who could possibly match Malos was almost disposed of permanently. That would have spelled doom for the entire world with absolutely NO hope for any sort of comeback). And his inexperience was an issue that Rex really wasn’t forced to confront head on in any significant way until the XBC2 plot stopped bailing him out of trouble which I noted at the end of chapter six and gave him a serious reality check and he was just lucky enough to have been afforded the time to fix his problems after the fact.

Anyway, another point to consider with Rex and his acceptance of Pyra/Mythra is that when we make it to Leftheria in the main game for the first time (chapter five with Haze/Fan La Norne), it’s clear that Rex (and several other kids from Fonsett Village because the small settlement couldn’t afford it) didn’t have a formal education.

Instead, he started salvaging (basically joining the workforce) when he was barely 10 years old to support Fonsett (he’s 15 in the main story so he’s been doing it already for 5 years). Also, Azurda, his father figure, clearly did not mention hardly anything about Addam or the “Aegis” to him. Which later we find out the reason for that being because Rex himself (or anyone else for that matter) would have to find out if they were truly worthy of that power on their own without Azurda’s input as a crutch. Azurda was also personally responsible for guarding both the village and the sword so of course he wouldn’t bring any of that up in casual dialogue, so Rex is even less aware of the “Aegis” and the destructive part she played in history than most. Rex’s first encounter against Morag back in chapter two made his lack of formal education clear as well.

Another very important detail to note is that Rex never bore witness to just how destructive and/or out of control both Mythra and Malos could be beforehand unlike Addam since both were underpowered for different reasons in his time. Not to mention that Malos doesn’t get his power back in full in the base game until, rather conveniently, Rex unlocks Pyra/Mythra’s true power by accepting her, so that too played a part in Rex not being afraid of her. Not to mention every time Pyra/Mythra got an upgrade to their powers throughout XBC2, it was ALWAYS framed in a positive light for Rex and his friends (and saved all their asses on more than one occasion).

But as I said in another reddit topic, credit where it’s due. Maybe Addam wasn’t meant to be Mythra’s true driver, even so, it still doesn’t change the fact that at least Addam was able to impart some much needed guidance, the value of teamwork, social skills, and a sense of restraint in Mythra. And let’s be honest, the man had the patience of a saint when it came to dealing with her especially in the beginning. The fact that they’d been together for one year before meeting Jin and Lora implies that she was probably even worse before then. He would have been a good father for his children for sure. And that’s coming from someone who was a fan of Mythra long before Torna the Golden Country came out lol.

In all seriousness though, she’s far less abrasive and much easier to get along with in general by the time Rex comes along and far more mentally mature and aware of her destructive power and the harm she could bring to the world if left unchecked. Five hundred years later people would be rather hard pressed to call her an inexperienced and foolish “kid” or “simpleton” with too much power, arrogance and lack of control in the party.

She’s now a shell shocked veteran, easily the most experienced in the base game party with the mentality of with great power comes great responsibility. Though to be fair, it takes her a bit to truly get to the point of “great power, great responsibility” because of her fear and guilt over the past, but she’s still definitely far more cautious in her use of her power which is what Addam was ultimately trying to achieve with Mythra during his time with her even if his fear caused him to go way overboard with that particular lesson.

It’s rather interesting to note the shift in the dynamics here. In Torna, Mythra was the inexperienced and reckless (but still all powerful) Aegis blade to Addam’s experienced driver (who harbored fears and self doubts and kept them from Mythra), while five centuries later, she (and Pyra) are now the experienced and all powerful Aegis blade to Rex’s completely inexperienced and reckless driver (with them now harboring all the fears, self doubts with added suicidal tendencies and keeping them from Rex).

And to be candid, it’s a very good thing that Mythra isn’t as gung-ho, or immature, reckless and inexperienced as she was back in her Torna days given how ignorant of blades, inexperienced at being a driver, reckless, immature, and naive Rex is for a good chunk of his story. That could have and more than likely would have spelled a very bad combination given some of Rex’s dumber calls and decisions I noted earlier to say the least. She literally goes from preferring to constantly spam Siren’s Sacred Arrows on everything and being gratingly arrogant/prideful about her power to five centuries later berating Rex for waking her up because “I didn’t want to come back! I left EVERYTHING to her [Pyra] so I’d never have to use this power again!”

Let’s not forget that she’s now constantly analyzing the structural integrity of buildings and whatnot to avoid needless collateral damage when using her power and is much more strategical, graceful, precise and refined in the use of her power than she was in her Torna days. She also has far more compassion for the world and life in general (though I’d say this part is a bit debatable. She was far more caring than she let on in her Torna days, but five centuries later she’s much better at expressing it externally). Then there’s the having three levels in girl talk instead of just one, (girl power woo! Lol) showing how much more sociable she’s become (interesting to note that the “Pyra” side doesn’t have girl talk despite being arguably more sociable). Not to mention cooking no longer being one of her field skills lol, showing that she did take some of her former allies/friends (admittedly fair to a point) assessments of her flaws to heart in a much healthier way independent of her Pyra persona even if it definitely hurt Mythra to hear them back then. (no offense to Pyra of course but given how and why she was “created….”).

A lot of people love to bring up the fact that Rex ultimately could control Pyra/Mythra’s full power and Addam couldn’t (which admittedly is fair and true). But even so, it’s not like Mythra’s time with Addam and her old friends played absolutely NO part in the person Mythra becomes 500 years later (for better or for worse) making her much easier for Rex to bond with ultimately. Basically, her time with Addam and co. helped bring out the dormant “humanity” within her for lack of a better word.

And as I mentioned before, throughout XBC2, every time Pyra/Mythra got an upgrade to their power, it was viewed or framed in a very positive light (no pun intended lol) that saved the party on more than one occasion. So, while Rex and Co. certainly respected and acknowledged her power, they didn’t outright fear her like everyone around her did five hundred years ago since they’ve all come to know and generally love both sides on a personal level throughout the story, nor did they automatically begin warily assuming and expecting Pyra/Mythra to be just like Malos (or in danger of becoming like him) simply because they were/are both Aegises once the party was made aware of Malos being another Aegis.

In other words, Pyra and Mythra have a much stronger and positive (if unexpected from their point of view) support network overall when it comes to their power and abilities than Mythra ever did five centuries prior, (something that was surely needed given all we witnessed in TTGC), but more importantly, they all respect and admire them as individuals too.

Again, the ONLY positive side effect of Amalthus’s core cleansing is that it increased the pool of potential drivers by a MUCH larger margin compared to Torna’s time period. So, the extremely rare bond that Lora had with Jin and Haze is MUCH more common now, meaning that there are more humans out there that can see blades as their own individuals in a way that wasn’t completely there 500 years ago.

It certainly helps that Mythra is now more or less a living relic and legend with a lot of people around her in this generation being both intrigued and honored to have the chance to see what she’s truly capable of after hearing about all the “heroic tales” of Addam and his blade saving the world five centuries ago, something that Morag directly mentions to Pyra/Mythra in chapter five. Whether those “stories” are 100% historically accurate or not is another matter entirely though but still….

Not to mention, that there were several moments throughout the main plot and a few H2Hs that showed Rex himself desired strength and power to protect his rather long list of people in his life and often lamented his own weakness and was frustrated with himself for his inability to save and protect the people he cared about (particularly with the deaths of Vandam and Haze/Fan La Norne).

These are Rex’s words in chapter five after Jin (mercy) killed Haze/Fan La Norne (poor girl….) “I don’t get it. I’m meant to be a driver now. I have a blade of my own. But I couldn’t do anything. Fan…. NOTHING’s changed. I’m just as weak as I’ve always been!” I mean really….is it any small wonder that he’d be all too eager to utilize immense power when the opportunity is presented to him? Like he said in chapter seven against Jin after having finally unlocked Pyra/Mythra’s true power: “I don’t get it. But I’m not complaining! THIS is what I’ve been searching for!”

Let’s not forget that Rex was more or less put in a position to devote himself to Pyra and Mythra more fully than Addam had ever been. Both sides of the green Aegis core crystal are introduced to Rex saving his life. That’s a very crucial difference between Rex and Addam’s circumstances with the Aegis.

In Addam’s case, however, he was introduced to Malos’s rather sadistic glee with eradicating humanity from the face of the world, along with said Aegis Malos having all the power required to do so and then some, and then only resonated with Mythra, whom by all accounts had the same frightening world destroying powers, when Prince Zetter failed to do so, indicating that Addam never truly wanted the role to start with if he could have helped it or at the very least Addam would have been fine with someone else taking the role of “Driver of the Aegis”.

Anyway, the fact that they saved his life was more than enough for Rex to devote himself more fully to the Aegis. Rex was indebted to Pyra and Mythra because they were his saviors. And even though I criticized his inexperience earlier, (and the fact remains that it caused a lot of problems for both himself and everyone around him for a good chunk of the story), the fact that he didn’t know anything about being a driver, much less the driver of the Aegis, (and was still more or less thrown into the fray regardless), and that they were all sharing a life force, that very inexperience put him in the position to both want and be required to learn about what it meant to be a driver and by extension learn more about Pyra and Mythra on a personal level just for the three of them to stay alive.

Rex often declared that “He was going to be the driver that Pyra and Mythra deserve” and eventually that becomes his number one goal in life as he even declares to both of them in chapter seven that going to Elysium would mean absolutely nothing to him if Pyra and Mythra weren’t by his side (keep in mind that traveling to Elysium was Rex’s biggest dream even before Pyra and Mythra came into his life). Also, unlike Addam, as I said before Rex wasn’t born of royalty and didn’t have too many obligations to others. He was an orphaned child who chose to take up salvaging to support Fonsett Village true, but to also find some way to Elysium which, as I mentioned earlier, was in alignment with Pyra and Mythra even if they weren’t being entirely honest with him on why they wanted to go there themselves.

By stark contrast, Addam, who in the end, wasn’t really trying to be a hero (despite possessing the potential in itself for great heroism) and wanted nothing more than to live his days in peace as a hermit with his family, resonated with Mythra in her “original” and “destructive” form first after having already witnessed one rogue and all-powerful-and all-too-happy-to-kill-and-destroy-everyone-and-everything Aegis at full might (Malos) on the rampage even before resonating with her.

And then Addam only resonated with her because again 1) it was the only way to stop Malos who had already sunk one Titan (Coeia) to the cloud sea bed and was hell bent on sinking the rest of the world and also because 2) Prince Zetter had failed to bond with her core crystal before Addam tried to himself). Let’s not forget that Mythra being a blank slate, misanthropic, arrogant and immature loose cannon (all the while possessing the same world destroying powers Malos had) at this point in the story didn’t exactly help either. Couple those facts with Addam being an adult and more aware of the world around him with age giving people in general more wariness, and that sadly but understandably left a fearful and alarming first impression of the Aegises in general on him which was all but impossible to reconcile.

Not to mention the “Pyra” persona didn’t show up until literally the end of the expansion and he was only with this side of the Aegis for a short time but sadly only after everything had already gone to hell for him and Mythra at this point so it didn’t matter either way. And let’s not forget the fact that “Pyra” was only “constructed” from the very depths of Mythra’s immense guilt and despair, which Addam was partially (if unintentionally) responsible for because he couldn’t/wouldn’t accept her and didn’t step up to be the driver she needed probably didn’t help much if at all either.

Then of course there was the fact that “Pyra” in and of herself sadly was “created” as an obvious counter to all the insults/bullying Mythra received about her abrasiveness, lack of compassion, arrogance, bad cooking, recklessness, etc., indicating that Mythra’s own self-esteem was damaged a long time ago deep down, and the final battle against Malos, plus all the trauma she endured during said battle and right after (Poor Team Hugo, Poor Tornan Titan and Poor, Poor, Milton….) just shattered it completely.

Seriously, the “butt-monkey” and “friend that nobody likes” tropes got explored in a more realistic approach with Mythra as a character. No one in real life would be able to put up with that sort of treatment from the people around them without either separating themselves from the people constantly belittling them for the sake of their own self-esteem, or staying, putting up with it, and eventually suffering some lasting emotional scars…Yeah, just guess which one of the two happens to Mythra…..

Anyway, considering that one Aegis was already running amok it’s no real surprise that he (and the rest of her allies back then) often admonished Mythra for using that power period out of fear rather than trying to help her come up with more creative and less harmful ways to utilize it. Again, there’s a big difference between wise caution and crippling fear, and sadly but again understandably, Addam comes to later realize, admit, and ultimately regret that he was more the latter with her as a driver than the former despite his good intentions.

And again, it’s also worth noting that in contrast to the base game, in TTGC every time Mythra tried to use her Aegis power or even mentioned using it, it was ALWAYS framed in a negative and/or reckless light. Examples being her not listening to Addam when he told her to stop when the party was in a ruined Torigoth and nearly killing Brighid upon their first encounter, and Addam (and the party) often discouraging her from using her power period because to him (and the others) there would be “too many casualties and/or too much destruction”. He even says to Lora at one point “When we first met we could have burnt you to pieces. But we avoided that thanks to Jin”.

It takes Lora literally pointing out to him that all recklessness aside (because Mythra was admittedly out of line when she fired Siren on Brighid and didn’t stop when Addam ordered her to), Mythra was still in fact actually NOT going all out when she was using her power (if she was, I imagine she would have left Torigoth in the same state Malos left the city of Feltley in with that giant ass crater).

And, Mythra desiring to utilize said power she has in SOME capacity in and of itself wasn’t exactly wrong or reckless nor does her using said power immediately have to equate to “I want to destroy everyone and everything”, (or rather in Addam’s mind): “I will destroy everyone and everything if I use her power in any capacity” simply because another Aegis chose to follow that path (something again Rex and Mythra will prove together 500 years later) and it wasn’t completely fair for Addam to keep subconsciously imposing that upon Mythra just because she was an Aegis.

It was an early sign in the expansion that for all her immaturity and arrogance, Mythra was actually not quite as “careless” and “lacking in restraint” with her power at this point as he and everyone else kept claiming (if anything, some of it was in Addam’s own head) and that she cared far more than she let on about making sure she didn’t become like Malos.

It’s too bad Addam didn’t take the moment to realize that his crippling fear and his (subconscious) lack of faith in her is what was ultimately holding him back from “not being completely in control of Mythra’s power”. Okay, to be fair, he did realize that he “just wasn’t man enough” at the time, but the problem was that he never was really thrown into a situation or crisis moment (or called out on hardly anything because as Aegaeon pointed out “He’s far too esteemed for his own good”) that would have forced him to realize just how crucial it was for him to man up and become both the driver that Mythra needed him to be and the driver that he possessed the potential to become (even the year he had with Mythra prior to meeting Jin and Lora was implied to have been rather uneventful on that front) until she, and the rest of Torna for that matter, blew up in his face during the final battle against Malos. And of course, as I mentioned before, by then it was far too late for him to rectify his resonance issues with her.

But again, given the very specific and deliberate measures Addam took for Mythra/Pyra to ensure their eventual salvation (and the world’s salvation as well), he surely stepped up after the fact even if it was too late for him and Torna. With that said, I honestly have no doubt in my mind that if Addam could have gotten a far less harrowing reality check moment that would have forced his hand (similarly to how Rex got his reality check in losing so thoroughly to Jin in the base game, but he still had precious time to make things right because again, neither Aegis was at full power reaping havoc and destruction in the wake of his failures) Addam could have and would have lived up to the potential that the core crystal saw within him….

That’s not even getting into the fact that by the time we FINALLY make it to a point in TTGC where it would make sense for Mythra to go all out without being spoken down to about it (the final fight against Malos)….naturally she doesn’t because of a combination of both the implication that Addam’s fears tainted their resonance from the outset causing her to subconsciously hold herself back because she fears her own power, and the constant belittling she’s put up with about using her power at all (and also she’s become more mindful of her power at this point due to character development to be fair but still….) which causes Malos to goad her into going all out (simply because he wanted a good fight) by attacking the Tornan capital and killing Milton….then she DOES finally let loose and go all out…but…she’s totally out of control in rage and sinking the Tornan Titan to the cloud sea and inadvertently killing Hugo, Brighid and Aegaeon….and still couldn’t save poor Milton either way…..and Mikhail blamed her for not keeping her promise of protecting Milton after she convinced him to stay behind at the Tornan capital which only reinforced her perception of everything being her fault…I mean of course she’s not exactly completely blameless considering the fact that technically her power ultimately sank the Tornan Titan and killed Team Hugo but still…..Even so, honestly, the poor girl just could NOT catch a break in any way back then…

And again, as another stark contrast to Rex, Addam was a married man (whom which his wife was pregnant) and he had already had many adventures even before resonating with Mythra and was getting ready to settle down for the rest of his life with his wife and soon to be born child. Not to mention that Addam was born into royalty with a long, long, long list of duties and responsibilities that he only wished to be free of anyway so he could live with his family in peace.

So, in his case, as bad and unfortunate as it might sound for Mythra, being the driver of the Aegis from his perspective was just yet another burden on his list that he didn’t really want to bare (subconsciously) but took up the mantle of hero anyway for the greater good of his people and the world in the hopes that he could settle down, be left alone and just be with his family afterwards.

Again though, that’s not to say that Addam didn’t have the purity of heart and/or character to bring out Mythra’s full potential (as I said before, if he never possessed the potential in itself, I imagine his attempt to resonate with Mythra would have ended like it did with Prince Zetter when he tried) or that he wasn’t willing to lay down his life for his people. He surely possessed the potential and he outright stated (and proved by facing down Malos) that he would absolutely lay down his life for his country and its future if that’s what it took.

However, when it came to truly accepting Mythra, the very thing required to both access and control her true power (which again he realized far too late), well….there were several factors working against him unfortunately when one compares his circumstances to Rex’s:

1) Being handicapped by his royal upbringing, and trying too hard to save everyone. He wanted to save his militia, his family, his people, and the whole world from the wrath (and fearing the wrath) that he could potentially bring down upon them by potentially losing control of Mythra that he lost sight of his own limitations as just one person in the world. And again as a result, he closed his heart and mind towards Mythra and her power out of fear, (both consciously and subconsciously), often hesitating to use that power in any capacity if he could help it. That is to say again, trying to save everyone is admirable but ultimately just not feasible no matter the circumstances.

As a result, he further crippled his already dwindling ability to accept Mythra for what she was, subconsciously rejecting her from the beginning (which she in turn sadly rejected him when she started conjuring her true sword and abilities). And again, which is exactly why Addam tells Rex five centuries later after Rex goes on and on and on about the long list of people in his life he wants to protect that “It’s not necessary to protect everything. There IS a limit to what one man can do”.

2) Dealing with Mythra’s rather poor and misanthropic attitude. That alone, coupled with his fear of the Aegis wrath in general spelled a pretty bad mixture for disaster and eventual tragedy too. But again, her attitude would not have been as bad as it was had Addam put more effort into treating her less like a dangerous weapon to be kept apart from everyone, and instead more like a true comrade and friend and gave her the opportunity to meet people and forge her OWN connections with them prior to meeting Lora, Jin, and Haze. As I mentioned earlier, the implications of Mythra having to ask about Aletta when the party first arrived there and what’s so special about the place, coupled with knowing that Addam and Mythra had been together for a year prior to meeting Lora, Jin and Haze are rather unfortunate (i.e. He kept her away from his wife and friends back home out of fear).

3) His main desire for his life was NOT to constantly play in the role of “hero” as I pointed out earlier (and of course, being Mythra’s driver would have all but forced him to stay in that role). She literally represented everything in his life that he was ultimately trying to distance himself from so the lack of acceptance ran much deeper than just his fear (subconsciously). With all of that in mind, the bottom line is that again compared to Rex, Addam never truly had an honest/fair/clear opportunity to live up to his potential as the true driver of the Aegis.

Addam’s failures, fears, (and lack of acceptance of both Mythra and in nearly every facet of his life as a member of royalty) instead ended up tragically becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy (because again, he brought his fears and doubts into their resonance, corrupting it from the very beginning) due to less him being unworthy or incapable of being the Aegis’s true driver in itself (again, as I’ve noted countless times already, he definitely possessed the aptitude) and more because of the unfortunate circumstances with which he resonated with her (and not really being driven or challenged to truly understand how damaging his fears were to their resonance nor to actually try to conquer said fears until it was too late). And again, given that he tells Rex five centuries later that he has to accept her heavily implies that Addam had become all too aware of where he went wrong with Mythra far too late….

Anyway, with all the above in mind, I’m honestly not sure if Rex could have handled blank slate and loose cannon Mythra to more compassionate and aware of herself Mythra the way Addam did with the tough love and sort of “experienced driver/warrior and adult” parenting here and there because 1) Rex is still a child himself still trying to find his own place in the world and wholly inexperienced in how blades work or being a driver period for a good chunk of his story. Not to mention that 2) Rex would more than likely not have had the experience and skill necessary to survive back then against a fully powered Aegis from the outset (as we see in chapter one where Rex was getting overwhelmed against Malos who wasn’t even fully powered and would have died again had Azurda not come out of nowhere to the rescue and that’s not even getting into chapter six where Jin utterly humiliated him).

I guess, to be blunt, the world five hundred years ago just didn’t need an inexperienced salvager/driver child stumbling his way forward in a really long coming of age story (in comparison to TTGC I mean) to lead the charge against Malos, who again, back then was at full might and out there sinking Titans to the cloud sea bed. The bottom line is that the world back then just wasn’t going to wait around for Rex to gain the experience necessary to stand against such a foe like it did in XBC2 (admit it, things WERE pretty convenient for Rex in a way they never really were for Addam). The world five hundred years ago needed experienced warriors/drivers/blades who could get things done against such a threat in SOME capacity as quickly as possible (i.e. Addam and his allies) before the entire world was annihilated. I’m saying this because there was some speculation in another Reddit topic on whether or not Rex could have “humanized” Mythra faster than Addam and accepted her back then.

My view on that personally is absolutely not, because again, Rex probably would not have survived long enough to have gotten the chance to do so. Had Rex gone against Malos (as Malos was in his Torna days at full power) at the start of the XBC2 story….Full powered Aegis vs Inexperienced green driver……yeah….let’s just say the base game would have been MUCH shorter so I’m personally really not seeing how his inexperience wouldn’t have been far more damaging for the sake of the world had he been in Addam’s place five centuries ago….

Then there’s Addam sealing the third sword in the Spirit Crucible Elpys as a test of worthiness (and a clear death trap for the greedy if I ever saw one) and that played a part in discovering who was meant to be Pyra/Mythra’s true driver, also founding Fonsett Village which would later become Rex’s home, (or Hero’s Rest at the time rather), getting Azurda to guard the village and the sword, and sealing Pyra/Mythra away so no one unworthy would ever abuse her power or hurt her again.

Though again, he did plainly say in his last message he left with Pyra after he sealed her that the seal was not for eternity and that he hoped someone worthy would awaken her so humanity could live alongside the Aegis because “She is our hope”.

Considering the devastation she caused that he bore witness to during the war, not to mention the fact that she sank his entire home and kingdom and killed Emperor Hugo, his best friend (though of course that was all unintentional it still doesn’t change the fact that it happened by her hand), coming from him, that means something, and says quite a lot about his character honestly despite how he failed as a driver with Mythra and shows exactly why, in a similar vein to Rex, the green Aegis’s core crystal saw Addam as someone worthy to wield the true Aegis power even if he ultimately failed to live up to said potential.

The moment right after Malos’s defeat 500 years ago where Addam left his best friend’s dead body lying on the ground and still embraced Mythra upon her exiting her siren was a truly powerful moment. It’s clear he understood exactly where he went wrong, the self-fulfilling prophecy aspect of it, what he lacked for her as a driver the entire time (acceptance), everything….but again, it was too late. But the moment does show that not only did Addam truly care about her despite his fears, but was also willing to own up to his part in the tragic turn of events that led to Torna’s downfall instead of solely blaming Mythra like a lot of others in his position might have opted to do (and frankly, what he and the party had been unintentionally guilty of doing with all their fears, insults, negative assumptions and bullying up until that point).

So in one sense, Addam really was every bit the pure hearted hero the legends claimed and it shows that he did see Mythra as a sort of surrogate daughter and cared for her as such despite everything that happened between them and it’s clear by his expression during the credits of TTGC, and in how he somberly and shamefully turns and walks off as the ship that Pyra/Mythra are now sleeping on sinks to the cloud sea bed, that he was overall not happy with sealing her away or with knowing that ultimately he proved himself unworthy of her as a driver and that all the deaths and devastation might have been prevented had HE not been so afraid to truly USE Mythra’s power while he was her active driver.

Notably, he realized that just because he failed to step up and control her power and didn’t have the faith in her or himself that he should have had beforehand doesn’t mean that he believed that no one else could or would succeed someday or that her power couldn’t be utilized as a positive force for the world.

It’s just a real shame that Addam never had the opportunity to find this faith/revelation/acceptance in Mythra and/or himself during the time when they were actually together…if he had I imagine they could have accomplished a lot of good things during his day and “Torna the Golden Country” might actually still exist in Rex’s time. The whole situation between Addam and Mythra was just tragic and it’s honestly not that hard for me personally to picture an alternate reality in which Addam could have conquered his fears and stepped up to the role as the true driver of the Aegis, or could have had a better chance to eventually understand her had he bonded with her under different circumstances.

Though as I said near the beginning of this post, credit where it’s due: It may not have happened in the most ideal JRPG happy ending way, but Addam DID save the world at large from Malos’s wrath back in his day. Had he not resonated with Mythra (essentially brought life to her) and fought the good fight back then (because as he said “The powers-that-be bicker among themselves, ignoring the larger danger”), and rallied good people and allies to aid him in his cause, the entire world would have ended long before Rex’s time for certain.

Again, for all of Addam’s faults and how he screwed up with Mythra (as her driver anyway), we can’t just selectively ignore and/or gloss over that bold fact considering what the alternative could have been and it IS worth praising him for which the base game does even 500 years after the fact despite the devastation left behind by the battle. He might have failed Torna and Mythra in his time, but Addam certainly put forth several steps and made many sacrifices to ensure that both Mythra and the future would be saved even if he ultimately would not be around to witness it.

Personally, considering the poor man lived and died with the regret of knowing he failed Mythra and Torna (and still couldn’t pass on after death for 500 years in an attempt to atone by helping Mythra/Pyra find their true driver) I’d say that Addam more than made up for his mistakes and his failures when it came to being Mythra’s driver and the man was hardly a coward despite his fear of the Aegis’s power (hell, he still took on another Aegis at full might despite that. I’d say that a prince who’s willing to do that and more for his people is far from a coward but that’s just me).

So, I guess by seeing how both Addam and Rex succeeded and failed when it came to Mythra/Pyra, I’m able to better appreciate both their roles in helping her achieve her wish and purpose of being humanity’s hope and use her abilities and powers to their full potential (without her sinking a Titan to complete ruin the second time) as well as her eventually realizing that she’s not a horrible monster just for being born with immense power (Vandam said it best: “Power depends on the heart of its wielder”), Pyra/Mythra also gains a sense of peace, salvation and happiness in the end. And it would not have been possible without both Addam and Rex (for better or for worse) resonating with the Aegis in different moments in time and circumstance.

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