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sakarrie-creates · 4 months

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It’s that time of year! Here’s my 2023 art summary! After two years of having to include non-colored pieces, I finally did enough ‘full’ pieces to fill my art summary template! I did have to get a bit creative with the months since I was able to draw a LOT more during the summer, but I’ll take it! Sorry it's a bit blurry. I'm not sure if that's just for the preview or not, but it was a smaller file than normal and since these reflections are 99% for my own interest, I decided it wasn't worth trying to change.

As usual, I got rambly so reflection questions are answered under the cut. The template I used is available here in case anyone else wants to make their own! My fic summary will be coming in a week or so, so stay tuned for the stats and round-up there. :)

What events did you participate in (with art)? Player Appreciation Week, Fandom Trumps Hate, Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), Weird People (Editing), SPN Comfortably Queer Zine (dropped), and lots of zine applications for page artist, merch artist, comic artist, and spot artist roles!

What was your biggest challenge this year? While time, like last year, was still a challenge, I think my biggest challenge was a mix of low motivation and an intense perfectionistic mindset. At the start of the year, I got super into TOH and was super hyped about all the zines with apps opening. I really REALLY wanted to get into them and figured I should apply for art too just cause it would increase my overall chances of getting in. After the finale, I did a screenshot redraw that ended up being absolutely fantastic for where my skill level is. I went deeper into rendering than ever before, and somehow it worked for me.

That probably was the start of my unreasonably high expectations, and I got it into my head that maybe if I could make a whole portfolio of artwork at that quality level, I actually stood a chance at getting into a zine as an artist. From then on, I was hardcore crash-coursing perspective, rendering techniques, and generally trying to improve without allowing room for mistakes. While I do think it helped me grow a lot, it burnt me out so I struggled to work on stuff past summary (when all the zine apps were) and even dropped from the SPN Comfortably Queer Zine cause my imposter syndrome was so strong. (Though that was also partially because it was a ‘sign-up and you’re in’ zine, so they never saw my art during the application process and had no way of knowing if I was good enough.

What was something you were surprised by? I’m pretty sure I discovered the perspective tool is CSP this year! CSP has so many tools I’m not aware of (despite watching tons of tutorials and guides), so it wasn’t super surprising but it was nice. I have to say, they’re a serious hassle to work with and require a higher understanding of vanishing points and such than I currently have, but I could see it being very useful for future scene art pieces.

Did you try anything new this year?

Yes! This year I kicked down the door to the merch world and have been collecting and designing throughout the year. Though the designs have mostly just been for zine app portfolio’s, everything has worked out really well for me and I hope to produce charms for my collection as I improve my skills. Where do you think you most improved? Definitely my confidence in rendering! And probably my rendering itself too. I did a ton more pieces with it this year and it’s definitely a favorite part of the art process for me. I think I’ll have a lot more fun with it this year too, since I’m trying to keep it lower pressure, so I can experiment more to find out what brushes and styles I like most. What are you most proud of? I think I’m most proud of how ambitious I was with my zine apps. Though I didn’t get into any for art and it burned me out a fair bit, I did a lot of hard work and made pieces I can be mostly happy with. As for specific pieces, I’m very proud of my animatic clip for the Dear Fellow Traveler MAP (which is what the Belos art from the summary is from). My portion was about 5 seconds with 24 fully colored and shaded frames. A few of those were moving frames too, so the end result is the closest thing to actual animation I’ve done. I also really like the rendering on the Huntlow Epilogue art and generally how the Steve&Matt hug turned out.

How’d this year compare to your 2023 goals? I honestly couldn’t remember what my goals were, but all things considered, I didn’t do too bad! Thankfully past-Sakarrie was wise and made it a bullet list so I can just check things off. Met: -Player Appreciation Week -Add to zine portfolio -Apply to at least one zine as an artist (fine if don’t get accepted) -Keep experimenting with backgrounds and shading -Pull out some old WIPs -Build more consistency of style

The checked off ones I definitely met, so good for me! This was a very zine-focused year, so I way exceeded those goals. The last two I did do, but they’re a bit subjective. Specifically, I think the ‘WIPs’ I was referring to were old sketches, but most of the old WIPs I revisited were already colored and I was either adding rendered or cleaning them up for zine usage. As for style, I’m REALLY bad at telling haha. That said, my characters seem reasonably similar when I draw them, so I’m going to tentatively count it. Kinda: -One fully colored piece per month

I’m gonna give myself a half check on this one. I didn’t have a fully colored piece every month, but I did have over 12 fully rendered pieces in the end, several of which had backgrounds. So while I didn’t meet the letter of the goal, I feel like I met the spirit of it.

Did Not Meet: -Finish Huntlow comic -30 minutes animatic digitalize rough draft -Maybe make some fanart of my favorite fics

These don’t shock me. They’re all personal projects and this was a very external-goal-driven year for me. The Huntlow comic is a big love of mine but it’s definitely ambitious for where my skill is. I’ve got the whole thing messy-sketched and most of it has been clean sketched, but the jump from that to lineart is gonna be hard, and I have no idea what I’d be doing with color since the panels don’t have a background. That said, I do feel like it’s some solid work and I adore the angst vibe of it, so maybe I’ll get it done one day. I could also see myself posting it as a messy lineart comic so that others could enjoy the concept being executed in case it never gets finished.

As for the 30 Minutes animatic, I still 100% intend to complete it eventually. I love the way it fits to the music and I’m so proud of the thumbnails. Even if it never becomes a full animatic, I want to digitize the frames and line it up with music so I can share the concept I see in my mind with others. My brain was somewhat overtaken suddenly by TOH this year, so now that that’s settled and I’m hoping to follow my muse more this year, maybe this will be something I can get excited about again.

The fanart for favorite fics is no surprise since it’s kinda the tack on. With low motivation and projects with deadlines that needed my focus, personal art like this was buried way below other priorities. It’s a nice though for sure though.

Alrighty then, now it’s time for 2024 goals!! Oh goodness, I really don’t know what to expect of myself. I definitely am going to try to allow for more personal projects with lower pressure, but I do still have some goals. Hopefully most can be accomplished without applying big pressure though.

2024 Goals:

-Number One Priority: Create for my and don’t put myself in a place to get crazy burnt out and still have requirements. If I meet this goal, then it’s okay if I don’t meet any of the others. (It would be sad.... But I would still count it as meeting overall goals.) -Participate in Summergen and PAW Week (Art or Fic) -Design Handplates charm as anniversary gift (November) -Design CS Charm -Have a fully usable Zine Portfolio (Currently need more merch samples and rendered pieces with backgrounds) -Apply to new TOH Zines or other loved fandom zines. If I end up getting into any, I can pull back, but since that doesn’t seem likely, I want to get into the habit of always being ready to apply with what I have. -Make an ongoing project list to pin to my tumblr. This applies mostly for fics, but that way people coming to my page can see what fandoms I’m actively creating for and what they can look forward to (as well as have an opening to ask questions if they’re interested). -Post more (at least 10 times throughout the year) and add my best pieces to instagram (8+ pieces by end of year). -Do ONE of the following: 1. 30 minutes digitized so it can be shared with music 2. Open Up Your Eyes fully thumbnail 3. Fanworks for other people’s fics 4. Participate in an extra bang or exchange with art 5. Design and manufacture a pin -Play with different brushes and rendering styles -Draw something from scratch every month, no matter how small -Not exactly art, but I want to have a finalized long-term merch display plan for all my items Overall, how’d the year go? I think I did well! I didn’t meet all my goals and I pushed myself too far, but I learned and improved a LOT this year. All things considered, I made pieces that last year me would be blown away by, so I think that’s an automatic win. I’m pretty uncertain on how this next year will go (even more so than last year, which is surprising since I was changing schools last year), but I’m hoping to enjoy what I do and create art semi-regularly. Here’s to 2024!

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since0202 · 1 year

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Taking Time—Fifty

The only living girl in New York

Word count: 11,004

September

October

November

December

January

Maya clutched the slender champagne glass in her right hand and took a tentative sip as she glanced around the expansive room dotted with industry and academics alike. She let out a sigh through her nose and glanced around again, feeling wholly overwhelmed in this sea of experts and very much feeling like an imposter when a gentle hand rested on the middle of her back.

She glanced up and smiled at the tall, solid figure next to her.

“Ready to wow them?” he said conspiratorially. Maya gave her best smile and nodded.

“Ready.” He guided her through the throng of people toward a group of important looking city suits. Maya braced herself, pasting that brilliant smile on her face and smoothed out the skirt of her short white dress that flared out around her coppery warm thighs.

“Arden!” One of the suits pronounced as they approached. “Good to see you!”

“Good to see you,” Arden nodded, his older handsome features pulled into a smile. He glanced down at Maya reassuringly and she had to catch her breath for a moment. That warm reassuring hand shifted a little on her back: “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

The three suits now laser focused in on Maya and she steeled herself. Shoulders back, head high, warm smile. Look approachable, but not too stiff. Confident, but not too overly full of yourself. That hand disappeared from the middle of her back as Arden now said:

“This is my second year student, Maya Sunriviere,” he always emphasized her last name with some French twist. It made Maya shift a bit uncomfortably, like she was some sort of fraud. “Maya specializes in sustainable biomechanics that will help improve the green building practices in more rural and indigenous areas. It’s groundbreaking stuff what Collins is teaching these kids and Maya is going to help put it on the map,” Arden shot her a warm look which Maya returned before she turned her attention back to the suits.

One raised his scotch glass somewhat before he said, “Great stuff.” He was less than impressed but polite nonetheless. Maya gave him her most charming smile and nodded. As she opened her mouth though to pitch, he interrupted her, “Not much of that needed on this coast though, is there? Seems like that’s mostly western go-green propaganda,” he turned to his other suits who chuckled a bit alongside him. Maya pursed her lips, and shifted on her nude heel.

“Yeah, remember when Remy pitched the green garden effect to Trump tower people? Total disaster,” the other suit scoffed. Maya glanced with alarmed eyes at Arden. He was watching the three men before him with an unreadable look on his face.

“Actually, I—” Maya tried to butt in, but there was a guffaw from the third suit as he said:

“They ran the numbers on that thing, did I tell you? Wouldn’t have even scratched the surface of what they’d need to get those green energy credits to offset the property tax. Total waste of concept development and manpower, in my opinion.”

Arden glanced at Maya, his face urgent as he nodded toward the group of men who were devolving further into laughter and swapping stories of other failed projects poised as ingenious to their development firms. Maya swallowed hard, suddenly feeling ridiculous in her white poofy sleeved Givenchy baby-doll dress. She should have worn pants, and done a sharp cat eye to look formidable. Instead she felt kind of like a chic cupcake, at least that’s what the lady in the store said the other day.

“Oh, Arden, I forgot to ask the other day, did you get those blueprints greenlit from legal?” The original suit who had interrupted her swiftly changed the subject and Maya felt boxed out.

She wrapped her other hand around her champagne glass and grimaced, taking a sip as she waited for Ardent to speak. He glanced down at her one last time as if trying to give her one last opening before carrying on with the suits.

Twenty minutes later, Maya leaned against the bar and caught the eye of the young blonde bartender.

“Whiskey, neat, splash of water,” Maya grumbled.

“Yeesh,” Noah said, leaning against the bartop and taking a swig of his Modelo. “That looked like it went…”

“I fucking blew it,” Maya groaned as the bartender slipped the short glass a whiskey across to her with a sympathetic smile. Maya gave her an apologetic grin and spun to look out across the room. “I feel like a fucking idiot.”

“Nah,” Noah said, drawing out the sound of his dissent. “It’s probably fine. Professor Arden will smooth things over. You’ll get another shot.”

“I look like an idiot, I feel like an idiot,” Maya knocked back more whiskey than she meant to and grimaced. “Egh.”

“Jesus, slow down cowgirl,” Noah took another sip and laughed at her a little. Maya couldn’t help the smile that quirked on her lip in response. “You’ll get another shot. Don’t worry,” he said reassuringly. Maya didn’t answer.

“Did you get to talk to those guys from Horton and Sons?” Maya asked. Noah just nodded, scanning his eyes across the crowd of people. “And?” Maya prompted.

“I’m a shoe-in. Obviously,” he threw his head back, his hair swishing back in an unapologetically endearing way and Maya rolled her eyes as she smiled over her whiskey glass.

“Obviously,” she echoed. She looked back to the crowd, but could still feel Noah’s eyes on her. He did that sometimes—just watched her like he was trying to figure her out or something. Or maybe he just thought she was hot. Whatever it was, Maya couldn’t say that it bothered her all too much. It had been awhile since she’d hung out with someone who didn’t seem to think they knew everything about her.

“Let’s get out of here. You’re done, right?” Noah offered, setting his half finished beer down. “We can go swing by and pick up Beez and head to Carter’s or that one bar you like where we had pasta at like 2 a.m.” Maya was watching Arden laugh and talk to the suits. She’d let him down, she knew that, and she wasn’t used to failing so publicly.

“No, I should probably stay in case Arden wants me to glad hand, right?” Maya asked uncertainly. This was her first industry event outside of the conference she went to in November. But she had volunteered and spent most of the time running drinks and getting people checked in to the event, rather than making connections.

“Absolutely not,” Noah said. This wasn’t Noah’s first industry event by any means. He was a year ahead of Maya, a third year, and he’d been to dozens of these things at this point and secured internships over the past two years in which to get his foot in the door. “This thing is going to be over in like twenty minutes tops. These guys roll the party into strip clubs and bars on the west end to really get hammered. The gladhanding is basically done. Unless…” Noah paused and Maya shot him a look.

“Unless what?” she raised an eyebrow at him and downed the rest of her whiskey, reveling in the burn.

“Unless you’re…you know…getting picked up,” Noah said with an eye roll. Maya let out a small laugh and set her glass down on the bartop before digging into pockets of her dress for her phone.

“Obviously,” Maya mocked. She typed a quick message and saw the three dots pop up quickly in response. “Alright, let’s go,” Maya said, clearing some notifications she was putting off and smiling up at Noah.

“Yesss!” he exclaimed, throwing his arm over her shoulder and pulling her toward the elevator that would lead them down to the lobby. Maya glanced at Arden as she went and he shot her a reassuring smile. She tried to swallow the thick lump in her throat.

When they exited the lavish art building and hurried down the stone steps, they were greeted with sleek black Aston Martin. The blacked out passenger window rolled down and jazz music poured from the interior.

Maya ducked down and gave a hearty wave. Naoh was positively buzzing with excitement behind her.

“Hey! Thanks for coming to grab us,” Maya said.

“Get in, we can probably make it to Chinatown in fifteen minutes if we hurry,” Rosalie ran a hand through her shimmering golden hair and turned down the music in the car. “You’re bringing the serf?” Maya let out a laugh and tugged open the front door. Noah piled into the back.

“He’s not a—,” Maya started.

“I will have you know that my family runs a moderately profitable print shop back in Columbus. We’re upper middle class at the very least…in Ohio.” Noah scoffed, not taken aback by Rosalie’s ribbing. Rose just rolled her eyes and waited for Maya to buckle her seatbelt.

“Where’s Emmett?” Maya asked.

“He went to see his friends in Queens,” Rosalie responded before sliding into the roadway and speeding down toward their intended destination.

“Ah,” Maya replied. Seeing friends in Queens meant hunting.

Maya’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she fished it out before looking at the notification on the screen. She quickly swiped over the message to clear it from her home screen. Rosalie glanced over, her eyes never really leaving the road. Maya shot her a look, one that begged her not to say anything. Not in front of Noah.

Rose got the message loud and clear from Maya’s pained eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. In her pocket, her phone continued to buzz quietly as it did most nights.

-------------

Maya woke up the next morning to the tinny winter light filtering through her dorm room window. The soft whooshing sounds of the city just beyond the campus boundaries created a gentle pulse that matched Maya’s heartbeat. This was the moment she always dreaded—her eyes traveling across the lines of her frost covered window, already melting in the morning light and residual heat trapped by the city, as her consciousness swelled and crashed over her like a wave.

Just as the slightest edge of sleep wore off, the pain would start. A wince, a hollowing in her stomach, a brief wave of nausea, and Maya was up. She sat up in bed, her arm wrapped low around her stomach as the pain pushed through her fast and deep, swelling and pushing her, begging her to go. But Maya would stay as still as she could, taking hard fast breaths through her mouth and squeezing her eyes tight as she waited for the first ebb of pain to pull away.

Sometimes, the pain only lasted for a few minutes, and sometimes more. But at this point, after nearly six months of broken contact from her imprint, Maya knew how to push through the pain. When she first arrived, she knew that fissure that had burst wide open like a cracked damn would spread the pain around her and pull her back toward the reservation. It was almost unbearable at first—worse even than when she and Paul had split the first time. The distance must have made it worse to begin with, she hypothesized.

For the first two weeks of the fall semester, Maya had barely been able to breathe, to speak even as the pain refused to leave her. Every step she took was excruciating and her joints felt rusted, her bones splintered, and her head felt like it would split in two. She felt the constant tug, like a rope edge secured to her belly button, rip at her belly as the imprint pleaded with her to return. Her whole body would be fire during the day, and then ice frozen over at night.

It had taken her months to learn how to manage the pain, learn how to release it, and how to temper it into submission. But that didn’t stop it from sneaking up on her every now and then when she wasn’t expecting it. Maya had learned the ins and outs of her pain, knew the shape of it, and now treated it as an old friend that might never leave her. And with that knowledge, she learned how to contain it. It was only in the mornings now, when the foggy melt of sleep made her too vulnerable did the imprint strike at her like a snake.

Maya held tightly to her abdomen, her eyes flickering up toward the sunlight as she took deeper, more calming breaths. With her eyes closed, she relived the last few moments she had seen Paul—his pleading gaze, her furious and tear stricken face, and the explosion of fur and wood as he took off into the forest. The pain began to ebb now as the echoing heavy footfalls of Paul’s wolf form faded into the memory.

She opened her eyes and released the arm around her abdomen tentatively, swallowing and taking a shuddering breath before her gaze swept over to her nightstand. Her phone lit up with another text, adding to the already sky-high number of texts, missed calls, and voicemails that filled her inbox. Maya rubbed her eyes and held her head in her hands for just a moment before throwing the covers off of her, grabbing her toiletry kit, and heading toward the communal bathroom.

She was once again thankful for the single dorm room the Cullens had arranged for her after she had to come to them for help that fateful night. They had insisted, even when Maya had stated that her scholarship didn’t cover such a lavish expense and only conceded when they urged her that it would be best for them as well as her when ensuring her safety and their privacy.

There had been a lot Maya had agreed to that night. The warmth of the shower water ran over her and Maya’s eyes glazed over, remembering that evening as if it was only yesterday.

“I need your help.” Maya had said just loud enough for herself to hear. She stood at the bottom of the concrete stairs and her eyes made out the shapes of Carlisle and Rosalie at the top. Carlisle held his mouth in a tight line as Rose crossed her arms, head tilted and looking over Maya with genuine interest.

Maya’s heart hammered in her chest. What was she doing here? Walking into the lion’s den like this with no protection, no backup, and no wolfpack was probably insane. But she’d felt like she’d had no other choice. She couldn’t think of anywhere else to go and now looking up at the two terrifyingly still creatures, she wondered if she’d made a mistake in her blind panic.

Carlisle suddenly gave her a soft nod, his stone body easily breaking into graceful, human-like motion as he extended his hand and beckoned her up the steps with a gentle smile. Maya let out a loud breath and shot Rosalie one glance before she jogged up the stairs and over the threshold of the house.

Esme had given her tea and a warm, mothering smile that set Maya at ease as she sat atop the bar chair in the kitchen. Edward and Bella stood off by the sink leaning against the counter as Edward listened intently to Maya’s thoughts. Her mind couldn’t help but replay every second of the evening over and over, awash with fresh panic each time.

“They’re not going to let me leave,” Maya said gently, her eyes flickering up to Edward and then over to Carlisle. Emmett stood by the fireplace in the adjoining living room and Rosalie was perched on the counter top. Carlisle pursed his lips again and looked over to Bella. She gave a gentle shake of her head and Carlisle nodded. “Please, I just want to…” Maya couldn’t finish her sentence as her throat closed up and she hiccuped slightly with too much emotion.

Carlisle finally let his gaze rest on Edward, “What will they do?” Maya’s eyes shot up, wide and terrified as the sound of someone else speaking for the first time reached her ears. They had been nearly silent this entire time and she had no idea what they would do. Would they just hand her back over? Was she risking war by being here?

Bella’s eyes watched Maya carefully, but they were gentle, understanding, as if she recognized some of the pain Maya was feeling in this moment. Edward took a moment to consider, as if listening beyond his means and then shrugged.

“We won’t know for sure unless we ask. There’s nothing specifically in the treaty about this kind of interference. Just that we’re not supposed to harm or hunt the tribe. This doesn’t fall into the category from where I’m standing, but the pack might see it differently.” Edward spoke purposefully, as if mulling over the options in his mind as he was speaking and not coming to any one clear conclusion. Carlisle’s eyes skated over Maya again and then toward Bella.

“Could you reach out to him? To see if we can come to some sort of arrangement?” Carlisle asked. Bella’s eyes hadn’t left Maya since she’d shown up. She glanced at Carlisle, meeting his eyes and gave a nod. Maya watched as Bella left the kitchen, toward the front door, and hear the soft clack as she exited the home.

Maya looked down at her hands and fought back the fresh well of tears that threatened to overtake her. When she looked up, Rosalie’s gaze was still boring through her—curious, imploring, and oddly comforting.

A short while later, Esme took her to a guest room to get some sleep, but Maya was surely not going to do any of that. She checked her phone on and off throughout the evening, but it didn’t seem like anyone had sounded the alarm yet. Maybe they thought she and Paul had just had another blow out argument, their tempers getting the best of them yet again. Maya internally groaned. She so did not want to be that couple.

It was entirely too late, or rather too early when Maya heard the soft sound of the door opening as she sat with her head in her hands at the end of the bed where Esme had left her earlier that night. Maya raised her head, eyes alarmed, to see Bella standing there with a soft smile.

“Come with me,” she said gently, gesturing over her shoulder. Maya couldn’t help the involuntary shiver she gave as she passed her. When they descended the stairs together and rounded into the living room, Maya’s breath hitched in her throat and her steps stuttered as her gaze fell upon the massive form of Jacob Black standing in the center of the open living room. The Cullens gathered around him in various states of relaxation, some sitting on the couch, some with their hands slipped into their pockets and leaning close to the fire.

Maya swallowed hard. Jacob’s arms were crossed over his chest and he didn’t look too happy. Maya clenched her hands into fists at her sides, bracing for a fight. Her eyes darted to Carlisle, and then Bella as if silently asking for an escape or at the very least, an explanation. But none came. Jacob’s mouth sat in a firm line as he looked at her, his gaze never wavering as the firelight flickered shadows over his body.

What was she supposed to say? Jacob kept just staring at her, as if he was trying to figure something out. It made Maya realize quite suddenly she was the least supernatural being in this room and it made her feel…odd. He wasn’t moving, no one else in the room was breathing, but Maya felt like the air was thinning and she was going to crack under the weight of her own panic. Her eyes flickered to Rosalie who straightened from her sitting position on the couch and came to stand next to Carlisle like she had at the top of the stairs. She turned toward Maya and gave her a small nod. Maya opened her mouth as if to speak and then immediately closed it.

And Jacob just stood there, radiating more heat than the fireplace. Maya couldn’t tell if he was angry or sad or just plain tired. He’d always said he’d never wanted to be alpha, but did this fall into his responsibilities? A grown ass runaway just trying to get off this rez so she can go back to school? Probably not. But still, Maya was his problem implicitly as an imprint and for that she was truly sorry.

“Jake, I–” Maya choked on her words, and closed her eyes tight for a second.

“Is this what you want?” he said suddenly. Maya’s eyes snapped open, unsure if he had even spoken or if she had hallucinated it in her sleep deprived state. She stared at him for too long and so he said again, “Is this what you want, Maya?”

She swallowed hard. Her throat on fire before she nodded and said hoarsely, “Yes.”

Jacob let out a loud sigh through his nose and let his arms drop as he turned to Carlisle. “There is still a threat.” Carlisle nodded solemnly.

“We understand. Rose and Emmett have already agreed to escort Maya and stay with her in New York while she attends school.We have a home there, but Maya can obviously stay on campus if she wants.” Jake chuckled.

“Of course you have a home out there,” he rubbed his eyes and shrugged. “Fine. If you’re willing to do this, I can’t really stop her.” Maya took a step toward Jake, not realizing the tears that had gathered and already poured down her cheeks in her earnest.

“You’re letting me leave?” Maya said breathlessly. It seemed like such an idiotic question but only a few hours ago, she thought otherwise. Jacob looked at her now, his gaze somewhat surprised before it turned into deep sadness. A look of understanding came over his face as if he knew what it was like to feel trapped in a no-win situation.

“You should leave today,” he said sternly to Maya before turning to Carlisle, “The sooner the better.”

“Understood,” Carlisle replied softly with a sympathetic smile.

Maya gathered her backpack and leaned down to tie up her chunky black boots before wrapping a scarf loosely around her neck. Her phone buzzed again but by now, Maya mostly ignored the notifications. They came in frequently, from everyone.

Except Keye. She had only texted once after Maya left and knew her well enough to know that there wouldn’t be a point in chasing her. All she had said was: “I love you. Good on you for sticking to what you want. You probably should steer clear of here for awhile. Text if you need.”

Maya read that text often. Just for a little reassurance that what she was doing was the right thing. She glanced at her phone now and saw that the most recent message was from Rose. She was on her way to her dorm to walk with Maya to class. Rose had registered at Columbia as a Sophomore to study mechanic engineering as her “cover”, but Maya knew she just genuinely enjoyed doing something with her time. Plus, Rosalie’s alluring nature only helped Maya in her department and in making connections. She tried not to rely too much on that though.

Maya was determined to do this her way and succeed on her own, like she always had. Still, it came in handy sometimes.

Ten minutes later, they were walking side by side across the quad toward Maya’s early morning lecture.

“It’s not that bad,” Rose said straightening her dark maroon leather gloves. .

“It’s bad,” Maya said, “You weren’t there Rose, I really did blow it. I don’t think Professor Arden is going to introduce me like that again after that monumental flub.”

“Oh please,” Rose scoffed, she pushed her sunglasses up onto her head. The cloud cover this morning was pleasant enough that she could walk around freely without her umbrella she usually carried with her, and the chill of late February in New York meant showing as minimal skin as possible also worked in her favor. “Arden is obsessed with you,” she said not too kindly.

“Ew, no he’s not,” Maya laughed.

“I’ve seen guys like him before Maya, he’s a borderline creep. If you give him another inch, he’ll run the whole mile with it,” Rosalie said matter of factly.

“You’re crazy. And also, he’s my fucking professor. I think I would have picked up on the gross-power-dynamic vibes. You’ve met Paul, right?” Maya quipped. Rose gave a noncommittal sound as her eyes scanned across the quad. Maya’s phone buzzed again.

“You know you can put that on silent, right?” Rose responded as Maya pulled her phone out of her pocket.

“It’s Beez, and we’re running this student seminar together next week so I most definitely cannot turn it on silent,” Maya let out a slow breath as she began to type, the air fogging up around them as they walked briskly.

“Yeah and only 186 unread texts, 217 missed calls, and 73 voicemails,” Rose shot back, “Sure. I’m sure the buzzing is not getting to you either.” Maya rolled her eyes and looked over at Rose who gave her a small smile.

“Who’s obsessed with who now?” Maya quipped, to which Rose let out that bright, twinkling laugh that lit up her whole face.

Maya shoved her phone back into her pocket. Ever since she skipped town, she hadn’t answered anyone, save for Jeremy that first night and her parents.

“They’ll all be there when the semester is over,” Maya said, her teeth chattering from the cold as she yanked open the door to her class building.

“Right,” Rose replied, looking the picture of perfection, not a blonde hair out of place. Despite the prodding, Maya was so grateful to both her and Emmett for getting her back to Columbia when they did that she couldn’t really begrudge her for pointing out the fact that Maya was most definitely avoiding everything back home.

Back home.

Maya hadn’t been home in over six months. Half a year. She hadn’t been home for fall break and her parents opted to visit her out in New York for Christmas. It was probably for the best considering that the rez was a minefield of uncertainty. She hadn’t spoken to anyone, not a text, or a call, since the day she left. And still, her inbox swelled with texts, photos, voicemails, voice messages, and everything in between.

But she couldn’t bring herself to go through them just yet. Maya would be lying if she said she didn’t feel a little bit guilty for leaving the way she did. But she thought she had no other choice. Still, it didn’t stop a fresh pang of guilt from washing over her anytime her phone vibrated.

Maya slumped into her seat in the lecture hall after waving goodbye to Rosalie who drew a few stares per usual. The hallways of the engineering building were dotted with the occasional paper heart or pink and white streamers of the looming holiday. Maya exhaled roughly and was only somewhat jolted out of her reverie when Beez slapped her books down on the table in front of her breathless.

“Hey! Did you get my text?” she said before unwrapping her scarf and shedding her coat.

“Uh, yeah!” Maya said quickly, straightening and turning her attention to the front of the lecture hall where her professor was starting his slides.

------------

The Valentine’s decorations in the mess hall had seemingly exploded everywhere the closer they got to February 14. Each table was covered in tiny pink confetti hearts and streamers with glittering hearts poured from every ceiling and stairwell. Maya didn’t remember it being as big of deal last year, but now the overwhelming pressure of the holiday was making her nauseous.

That hollowness in Maya’s stomach was growing again and she grimaced down at her salad. Her arm automatically curved around her abdomen lightly underneath the table.

“I never really understood Valentine’s day,” Beez said suddenly between mouthfuls of chicken noodle soup, “I mean, I get it but also like, if you love someone, isn’t that like an everyday thing? Can’t today just be like a proclamation day for people who haven’t expressed loved to their loved one yet? And for everyone else, it can be business as usual?”

Rose looked up from painting her nails and quirked a beautifully arched eyebrow at Beez. “I think it’s nice,” she said easily as she blew on her cherry red nails. Maya’s eyes still stayed zoned in on her salad, focusing on breathing in and out.

“Yeah, it’s nice!” Beez agreed, “But it also doesn’t make sense.”

“What’s not to get about love?” Rose said without looking up from her nails this time in mock concentration.

“Everything,” Beez said after a beat, “It’s the most nonsensical, confusing, logic-defying emotion in our existence. Everything about love doesn’t make sense,” Beez proclaimed as she shuffled through her notecards. Noah sank down in a seat next to her and started digging into his chicken salad sandwich. “People do the weirdest shit when they’re in love.”

“It can be about other kinds of love, not just the romantic kind,” he said between mouthfuls. He always had to rush off to his city planning course after lunch which was clear across campus, but he made it a point to have lunch with them every Tuesday and Thursday.

“I guess,” Beez said, making a revision to her notecard. Maya sucked in a too sharp breath and Noah looked up from his tray.

“My?” he asked, concerned. Rose glanced at Maya and leaned across the table to try and distract them.

“Did you guys get an invitation to that art show in May?” Rose asked. Beez looked up, her brow creasing in confusion. Noah glanced at Rose as if compelled to and then quickly back to Maya. Maya straightened and pretended to pick at her salad, shooting Noah a quick smile.

“No? What art show? God damnit! They think chem kids don’t give a fuck about this stuff and they never give us the good stuff,” Beez complained. Maya was thankful for the distraction, even if Noah still watched her from across the table worriedly as Rosalie promised to text Beez the details.

Maya had never been particularly invested in Valentine’s day as a holiday. Not even before the imprint. But now, it felt like a monument to her current relationship’s disarray. Maybe it felt worse this year not only because of being on the outs with Paul but also because…the last time he had tried to text her was back in January.

The text had been short, as they had gradually become in Maya’s continued silence. It had come in the second week of January, the night of the bonfire nearly two years ago. The night of the imprint.

The text had simply read: Happy anniversary.

Maya had struggled to breathe for a few hours after that and ultimately had turned off her phone and overslept the next day, missing her first two classes.

After that, there was nothing. He hadn’t reached out in almost a month. And Maya was beginning to wonder if this was it. If he was giving up. She couldn’t blame him considering how she had left and how she had iced him out after. She was still amazed by the fact that he had never traveled out to New York to confront her or try to bring her back. But maybe Rose and Emmett had been enough of a deterrent to ensure that she wouldn’t go easily. That and she’d never forgive him. Still, something in Maya wouldn't let her forgive him just yet for trying to keep her on the rez in the first place and she held onto that feeling, that distance to help her get through the semester.

Now as the day loomed closer, she just felt alone. She was surrounded by people—people who cared about her. And yet, Maya felt that familiar ache that pulsed with the realization that she would never truly be whole without Paul. She knew that. But she knew what she had to do first—to make this all worth it, if that feeling didn’t drive her crazy first. It was maddening, like an itch she couldn’t quite scratch, a tug that just wouldn’t let up. It drove out any sense of reason and sent her brain buzzing with static. She couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t breathe.

Maya pushed away from the table abruptly and stood, scooping up her bag. “I just forgot that I needed to talk to Professor Arden about my…” she didn’t finish as she hurried away and out toward the quad. No one followed her, for which she was thankful.

Out in the cold, February air, Maya took some deep gulping breaths to calm herself and try to quell the growing pain in her stomach. Absently, her feet made their way toward the engineering building as tears glittered in her eyes.

As if on autopilot in her grief, Maya was suddenly in front of Professor Arden’s door. She swallowed thickly, and wiped the tears off of her stained cheeks. She hadn’t actually meant to come and see Professor Arden, she had just been so lost in thought trying to escape the pain welling up in her that her feet carried her here as if on instinct. Maya spent a lot of time here going over her papers, brainstorming ideas for her upcoming thesis that was still a ways off, talking about grad programs and the merits of teaching versus finding something industry. Professor Arden was a great sounding board and had incredible connections.

Hoping for a distraction, Maya dug in her bag for her latest paper—an actual excuse to be here. But she had nothing on her.

With a sigh she cleared the tears away once more and just as she turned to leave, the door to his office wrenched open. Maya startled, and stumbled back a little wide eyed.

“Maya!” Professor Arden exclaimed, somewhat surprised to see her standing there, somewhat disheveled by the cold wind blowing around campus.

“Professor Arden,” Maya returned, trying to straighten herself up and tame her hair that must have been a wild mess from booking it across the quad. “I, uh—” she closed her eyes somewhat embarrassed and opened them to see him watching her with a soft, comforting look on his face. “I meant to bring you something to look over, but I uh—” she thumbed over her shoulder back toward the stairwell, “I forgot, so, I’m just gonna—” she started to back away.

“That’s alright, I had actually received an email from Dr. Bronnard about an aerospace internship position this summer in Ohio. Do you want to come take a look? I think it might be a good fit,” he said warmly. Maya pursed her lips and then nodded, her enthusiasm quickly returning as she brushed by him and into his office.

Professor Arden’s office was a warm oasis from the cold campus outside. He had a wall lined with bookcases and crammed with books and project proposals and published articles from magazines and journals. He was a leading voice in modern engineering for how young he was in his career. Maya guessed he couldn’t be older than his late thirties or early forties. His office culminated around a large black wood desk that was littered with papers. He fit well into this office, and the warm smell of cedar and fresh cut mint hung in the air. It was pleasant, Maya had to admit, and she enjoyed spending time in his office, thumbing through his books and asking far too many questions.

He humored her though, and was always friendly, kind, and trying to push her in the right direction. He grabbed his laptop from his desk and scooped up the clear frame glasses from a stack of ungraded papers before settling on the plush green velvet couch that sat opposite his desk. Maya sunk down next to him, tucking a leg under her and dropping her book bag to the ground with a thud. She unraveled her scarf and shrugged off her coat, setting it across the arm of the couch before leaning over to look at his laptop.

“Okay, soooo…” he said, his eyes glued to the laptop screen as he pulled up the website that offered the internship. Maya set her arm on the back of the couch and rested her head against her hand as she peered across him to his screen. “This is the company. Dr. Bronnard has been there for about 10 or so years. He was actually my professor at Brown when I was in grad school,” he chuckled warmly and Maya couldn’t help but smile at the sound.

“Brown, huh? Never pegged you for a west coast kind of guy,” she joked. He threw her a look and Maya gave him a full on laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, yuck it up. Speaking of, have you thought anymore about grad school?” he said, as he clicked through a couple pages to get to the internship application. Maya sighed and looked back at his screen.

“Not yet. I still have two more years here and who knows what will happen,” her voice sounded tired, even to her. Professor Arden’s hands paused and he looked over at her again.

“Two years isn’t that long,” his voice was low, and the warm amber light of the room suddenly had a lulling quality. Maya sank her head down into the crook of her arm as hair fell into her face. She groaned.

“A lot can happen in two years,” she said, “Trust me.”

“Okay,” he smiled at her again in that way that was so endearing, and Maya understood why so many students found him attractive. “Just think about it,” he shrugged. Maya nodded from her relaxed place and pushed some hair behind her ear as she looked back to his screen.

“Is this a three month stint in Ohio?” she asked. Professor Arden gave a hum of affirmation. “Aerospace? You think I’m cut out for aerospace engineering? My focus is in biomechanics,” she said uncertainly.

“I know,” he gestured to the screen, “But you’d be working closely with a team that is working on building a fully functioning garden lab in space. Botany, farming, sustainable harvesting, the whole bit. I think it would be a great challenge for you,” He looked over at her and Maya saw that promise in his eyes, the one that dared her to believe him if she would just believe in herself too. She’d missed that look, “Plus, it might be a welcome distraction.” His voice lowered a bit, as if they were telling secrets. Maya sucked in a breath and sat up.

“What do you—,” she started, but Professor Arden shook his head.

“I see you, Maya,” he said gently. “I get it.”

Did he? She wondered. Her heart hammered in her chest, and she worried he might hear it. Maya couldn’t bear the weight of this pain that pushed on her now. She felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes and desperately did not want him to see her cry over something she couldn’t…wouldn’t explain. She needed to leave, she knew that. This pain would crush her and in front of a professor was probably the most mortifying way her pain going public could be. But she couldn’t seem to lift herself from the comfort of the couch.

She held his gaze, hoping that the tears would not fall, but they threatened to spill any moment. And the pain of remembering that hollowness in her stomach, the emptiness and utter barren feeling of loneliness swelled and burst over her, propelling her forward.

Before Maya even knew what was happening, her lips had crashed down upon his. They were soft and warm and he tasted…different. Her hand had found its way up to his sharp jaw covered in a pleasingly trimmed, soft beard. And he wasn’t pulling away. Maya found herself lifting her body, slinging one leg across his lap as he moved his laptop out of the way, so she could straddle him. His mouth opened to her, his hands grabbing her waist and held her tightly to the line of his crotch. Maya was lost in sensation. She’d never kissed another man, and the feeling sent a thrill through her, amplified by her grief begging her to forget if she could just deepen this kiss and take it a step further. Maya slid her tongue across his as a soft whispered moan fell from her lips and into his mouth. She pressed her chest to his, her nipples hard and begging to be touched as her other hand coasted down to cup his neck. Her hips began to move of their own accord, grinding against his clothed crotch. He was pushing back toward her into the kiss and Maya’s mind started to go blank. The heat was rising between them as the kiss turned frantic, feverish. His hands squeezed her hips and helped her move across his covered length, and a wanton groan spilled from his mouth. Maya smiled into the kiss. Was she really doing this? Her heart panged with fear, sadness, and some unanswered excitement. Why did it feel so good to forget?

Maya let her hand drift down his neck and chest, toward his belt buckle that jingled lightly between them, and in one swift movement, he yanked free of the kiss.

“Maya, wait,” he said breathlessly, coming to his senses.

“Wh-what? What’s wrong?” she breathed, her hair a mess, her mouth puckered and red, ready to receive anything he was willing to give her. Professor Arden shook his head, as if trying to clear it. Maya could feel him hard and wanting between her thighs, and almost moaned in disappointment when he shifted her off his lap back onto the couch.

“We can’t do this,” he said, letting her go, “I’m so sorry…that was… you are..” he groaned and stood up, keeping his back to her as he paced toward his desk. Maya put a hand to her lips and the feelings of grief and loneliness erupted into embarrassment, showering her in pure mortification.

“Oh my god,” she breathed. Maya was suddenly terrified of the person that she was. She had kissed a professor, her advisor, her confidante. What the fuck was she thinking?! As far as she knew, she was still with Paul. And she had kissed someone else. “Oh my god,” she said louder as she scrambled off of the couch and began to grab her things in a panic.

“Maya,” he said suddenly, sharply turning and crossing the room. “Maya,” he grabbed her arm gently and she whirled around her eyes shooting up to his wide-eyed as if caught.

“I’m so, so sorry. Professor Arden, I—” she pulled her book bag onto her shoulder, stuttering as she tried to find the right words, “I don’t know what came over me, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean….oh my god,” she pressed a hand to her forehead as she looked at the ground. The tears were back and fell in earnest.

“Hey, Maya,” he placated. Suddenly, that soft, broad hand was on her cheek and pulling her face up, “It’s okay. Really. I just don’t think…we should go there. You’re beautiful, and brilliant, and funny, and are headed toward amazing things….” his calming voice quelled some of Maya’s tears and she automatically leaned into his hand, “But you’re very obviously hurt and dealing with something and I won’t complicate things further than they already would be if we…” he swallowed thickly, his eyes coasting down her body for a moment and flickering back toward the couch as if considering taking it a step further right then and there. And for a moment, Maya wanted him to.

She imagined the comfort it would temporarily bring her to be covered by him, her thighs spread as he pumped into her, nibbling at her breasts, telling her it was okay, it was alright, they’d figure it out later, but right now…right now they just needed to focus on feeling good. Together. She would moan softly to egg him on as he would bend her knees and push them toward her face so he could sink deeper and deeper into her, pushing her to a limit that would make her beg. She craved that feeling of connection, togetherness, and the warmth that would spread in her belly when he would come in her and fill her to the brim. And the soft sigh of relief when he’d pull out, peppering her with kisses as he dripped from between her legs and kissed her neck.

But it wouldn’t be him.

She knew deep down that that wasn’t what she really wanted. That she would be picturing someone else the whole time. And she knew that the pain would come back tenfold. She nodded up at him and he gave her a reassuring smile as he let his thumb wipe away a tear falling down her cheek.

“It’s okay,” he promised. “Believe me, I would if this was some other lifetime, some other situation. But I want to help you get to where you need to go. It’s kind of my whole job,” he joked. Maya let out a wet laugh and nodded.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she breathed. He clicked his tongue as if to shoosh her but she shook her head and took a step back out of his grasp, “Can we just forget this ever happened? I’m honestly mortified,” she ran a hand through her hair and he nodded, slipping his hands in his pockets.

“Of course, consider it forgotten,” he said gently. Maya let out a sigh of relief and said:

“Thank you, Professor Arden,” she crossed his office and pulled open his door. He hadn’t moved from his place by his desk.

“Arden,” he corrected. Maya looked over her shoulder, “You should really just start calling me Arden.” There was that endearing smile again. Maya shook her head and gave him a teasing smile.

“That would be a bit too familiar, don’t you think?” she joked. He let out a barking laugh and Maya made her exit without another word.

--------

The soft shuffling of papers echoed across the tall angular architecture of the Butler library. Maya sighed and flipped through her textbooks. Finals were only a few weeks away and she was halfway through her second term paper, her brain threatening to crack from the sheer amount of information she’d been processing for the past few days.

Rosalie sat quietly across from her, slowly reading a textbook that she very clearly already knew all of the information in. But, to keep up appearances and to keep Maya company, she pretended to be exhausted and overworked like the rest of them.

The end of her sophomore year looked vastly different than that of her freshman one. She was on the precipice of a new opportunity and had her internship lined up for the summer, thanks to Professor Arden’s help, and Rosalie and Emmett were working out the accommodations for all three of them.

Maya rubbed her eyes and tried to press reset on her brain. She tried to focus on what she’d be doing in just one short month in her internship in Ohio. Professor Arden’s connections with Dr. Bronnard helped Maya get a foot in the door and they delightedly offered her the role after one short interview. She couldn’t help but wonder if that was mostly Professor Arden’s doing.

Ever since their makeout session in his office in February, Maya had been trying to keep her distance. They only met up a few times in either very public spaces or during his office hours where there were sure to be students milling about to keep the awkwardness down. True to his word, he acted as if nothing had ever happened and Maya would try to contain the red blush from creeping into her cheeks any time she was near him, still full on embarrassed from her clumsy misstep. Honestly, he had probably helped her get that internship in Ohio just so they didn’t have to talk as much.

Still, she was grateful for the space to help clear her head of her mistake and forge ahead. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Paul was still radio silent. That was fine, she thought. The less distractions the better. And now that she wasn’t going home for the summer, it took a weight off of her.

She would be away from her home for a full year. The thought made her breathless and a new, whining ache wound in her. Maya grimaced and tried to type the conclusion on her term paper. But her hands stayed hovered over the keys. Whispers floated out of different studying nooks and Maya looked up at Rosalie. She raised her golden eyes up at her and gave her a quizzical look.

“Why did you agree to come with me?” Maya said softly, but she knew full well Rose could hear her. Maya wasn’t sure where that question had come from, only that she felt like she needed an answer.

Rose watched her for a moment, her soft, liquid gold eyes carefully catching on each of Maya’s features before she leaned in a bit on the table so Maya could better hear her.

“Because I understand what it feels like to be trapped,” she said gently, “And so does Jake. Which is why he did what he did. Plus, I admire a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to break a few hearts to get it,” she smirked and Maya stared for a long time.

“What did Jake do?” Maya asked. Rosalie paused here, wondering what the path of least confusion and hurt would be, measuring the weight of each option.

“He gave Paul an alpha order not to interfere with your life until you were ready. Until you came to him,” Rosalie said, her eyes holding onto Maya’s.

The breath seemed to trap itself in Maya’s throat as she processed Rosalie’s answer. Jacob had ordered Paul not to interfere. That explained the lack of him showing up to drag her back. A familiar burn pressed in her stomach, one that echoed the full blown fire of the imprint and Maya swallowed hard in response before she nodded and looked back down at her book.

“Will you?” Rosalie asked suddenly, snapping Maya up from her reverie as she stared at the pages of her book. They might as well have been blank for all of her comprehension in that moment.

“Will I what?” Maya asked, her voice somewhat gravelly.

“Will you go to him?” she asked with genuine interest as if she truly couldn’t anticipate the answer. Maya was stunned into silence again and couldn’t bring herself to answer. After a long moment, Rosalie nodded with a sympathetic smile and let her gaze fall to her book, releasing Maya from having to answer.

-----------

Maya slipped out of her light black shawl and handed it to the attendant by the museum front doors with a smile. Noah checked his umbrella and followed close behind as Beez stood at the bottom of the marble stone steps that led up to the exhibit looking nervous.

“You okay?” Maya asked, confused. Beez nodded and waved her off before tilting her head.

“I love your hair!” she exclaimed. Maya immediately brought a hand up to touch her freshly chopped hair, cut in a blunt style that hung just at her shoulders. She had kind of done it on a whim that afternoon with Rosalie when they were picking out a last minute clutch for Rosalie. Maya had had curled into loose beachy waves that framed her face and put on some dark winged liner and a dark plum lip to go with her Anna October black mini dress. The razor thin straps cut down across the open back, exposing down almost to her low back. “So fucking cute,” Beez confirmed. Maya blushed and looked down at her chunky Versace heels that Rosalie had insisted on.

“Aw thanks,” she said tucking some hair behind her ear. “You look great too!” Maya said, “Doesn’t she, Noah?” Maya turned as Noah shook some of the loose rain from his hair and he looked over at both of them.

“10/10 Beez,” he smiled. Beez buzzed and turned, grabbing Maya’s hand as they jogged up the stone steps.

“This is going to be so cool!” she exclaimed. Maya let out a little laugh and agreed. She’d been to a couple of art shows in the city on a whim, but these were all original pieces by multiple artists. And the artists themselves would be milling about. It was kind of a big deal, or so Maya had been told.

Once they entered the wide open art floor, cut with smaller white panels to help separate the exhibits, the threesome made their way through the crowd. Maya grabbed a glass of champagne from a server and scooped up another glass for Noah who gratefully took it. Beez wasn’t much of a drinker and she was too wowed by the collection of bent and twisted ceramic and wood that took on a life of it’s own around her.

Maya tried to contain her smile as she shuffled through some of the exhibits. At one point, Noah broke off to go talk to some industry people he had keeping an eye on and Beez skated away toward an artist who was talking about the inspiration for his piece. Maya stayed in front of a swirling piece of ceramic that seemed to defy physics as she slowly sipped her champagne.

“Thought that was you,” a familiar voice said softly from beside her. Maya glanced to her left and smiled. Professor Arden was standing tall in a dark blue suit, his dark hair swept into a soft quoif, and his beard trimmed neat as always. The soft smell of cedar and mint met her nose and she exhaled slowly.

Maya tipped back the rest of her champagne glass and deposited it onto the empty tray from a server passing by with a ‘thank you.’

Professor Arden passed her a fresh glass he had been holding and she plucked it from his hand. The champagne bubbled delightfully in her stomach.

“Thank you,” she said.

“No problem,” he glanced down at her with a warm smile and let his gaze run up and down the length of her body with an appreciative nod, “You look great.” he said simply before turning back to the art piece.

“Oh, this old thing?” Maya quipped, “Dug it out of the designer dumpster on 6th ave.” Arden chuckled and took a sip. “You don’t look too bad yourself,” she finished. Was she flirting? Why was she flirting?

He looked down at his suit and nodded, “From the dumpster,” he confirmed. Maya let out a small laugh and shook her head. At least it wasn’t awkward. “Oh, shit,” he said softly.

“What?” Maya said alarmed. She rarely ever heard him cuss.

“That’s Dr. Bronnard,” he gestured to a grey haired man standing with a cluster of people around him listening to whatever story he was telling about his latest breakthrough. “I didn’t know if he’d make it to this, but I want to introduce you,” his hand floated down to rest on the middle of her naked back, sending shivers down Maya’s spine.

“O-oh!” Maya stuttered, taken aback, “Absolutely, yes. That’s my new boss so might as well right?” she chuckled nervously. Arden took a step closer to her, his warmth causing a soft tingling sensation to erupt across her skin, making Maya feel more naked than when she had taken off her shawl. It must be cold in here, she thought.

“He’s great, I promise. Just be your normal, quippy self and he’s going to love you,” that warm smile spread across his face and Maya nodded.

“Easy enough,” she breathed. He gently pressed against her back, steering her toward Dr. Bronnard. Maya had to admit that she felt good. Better than she had felt in months. She felt calm and confident and that hollowness in her stomach had cleared away halfway through her second glass of champagne. She smiled up at Arden gratefully as he waved to Dr. Bronnard during a lull in the conversation and introduced Maya, his hand still firmly placed on her back. It was comforting, and she leaned forward to take Dr. Bronnard’s hand and began to animatedly discuss all the reading up on his current project she had done.

That feeling of calm never left her during their conversation, and Maya wanted to attribute it to the soft stroke of Arden’s thumb against her spine as she carried on and on with Dr. Bronnard easily. Arden cut in every now and then to offer some interesting tidbit or to highlight a recent accomplishment of Maya’s in their department.

She was positively glowing, in her element, and had felt like she belonged here. Maya belonged here. Dr. Bronnard thanked Maya for her sheer enthusiasm and exclaimed that she had been the obvious right choice considering her passion and purpose for this project she was pursuing this summer at his facility. He excused himself to talk with a colleague and Maya spun on her heel with a squeal and looked up delightedly at Arden.

“See? Easy. Quippy, self-assured, brilliant Maya strikes again,” he said enthusiastically. Maya shook her head with laughter and placed a hand on Arden’s bicep to steady herself on her heels.

“That was amazing,” she finally managed. “I’ve never felt less like an imposter in my entire fucking life,” Maya was on cloud nine, she was spinning, and she was little tipsy if she was being honest.

Arden seemed to notice because he said, “You’re not an imposter. I’m going to run to the restroom and get us some water. Those hors d'oeuvres really aren’t soaking up any of this champagne.” Maya nodded and clutched her champagne glass, standing straight. “I’ll be back,” he said, giving her that sweet, soft smile. Someone was going to fall in love with that smile someday. She was honestly surprised no one had yet.

Maya turned around to face the room, drifting off toward an exhibit absently. She wound up in the center of the room, facing a tall wooden sculpture made from driftwood. Her throat tightened suddenly and she let her eyes roam around the delicate carving of the piece. It reminded her of home, something she hadn’t thought about in months if she was being honest. The wood was familiar, the white and green of the wood marred by years on the beach. She took a step toward it, her heart lurching in her chest and reached a hand out to touch it. She wondered if it would feel as cool to the touch as it looked.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to touch that,” a voice said gruffly a few feet away from her. Maya startled and whirled around, some champagne sloshing over the rim of her glass. She stumbled back somewhat and then let her eyes fall on the figure that had chastised her.

Standing in an all black suit, with a black trimmed beard that darkened his whole face was Paul Lahote.

“Oh…fuck,” Maya whispered. She fought from wobbling like a newborn deer on top of her chunky heels as her eyes stayed glued to that of her imprint. The man she had left nearly 9 months ago after he threatened to keep her on the reservation in an effort to keep her safe, contained, kept. Maya swallowed hard.

That explained the quell of the aching hollowness that usually accompanied her every waking moment. Paul was here, which washed away any of that ache, that pain that she relentlessly beat back for months. He was here and it just disappeared. Was life really that unfair?

“What are you doing here?” Maya managed after a long moment of the two of them just staring at one another. His gaze was hard, angry, furious even. He looked like he was about to rip someone’s throat out, but he remained stock still. Hands in his pockets, silver watch glittering against the art lights overhead. He took a long moment to answer, his eyes taking in her whole face as if he was drinking a glass of water after being fed only salt for months.

Finally, he gestured to the piece behind Maya. The one made of driftwood that felt like home.

“Rachel got some of my pieces into this exhibit. I was required to come as part of the exhibit,” he said almost begrudgingly.

How was he standing so still? She wondered. Maya was fighting everything in her to keep from walking toward him. The imprint thrummed, rearing its head and cried out for him.

“I thought… I thought Jake—” she began.

“Jacob doesn’t know I’m here. I’m away…on work. None of his business. And technically I’m not breaking any,” he gritted his teeth, “rules.” He spoke the last word with venom. Maya’s heart was beating frantically in her chest, “I didn’t know you’d be here.” He said it with almost disappointment and Maya felt herself nearly crack in two.

Her mouth must have been hanging open slightly because she closed it abruptly and clacked her teeth together. The man before her was definitely Paul, but he was darker somehow.

Anger rippled off of him in waves though there was no tremor to his physical shape suggesting he was fighting from phasing. Instead, his dark brown eyes held nothing but overwhelming malice, thick with what Maya could only place as disgust. But still the hollowness that usually accompanied Maya was nowhere to be found.

Despite his anger and sheer disdain for her, he was here and the imprint soothed a balm of calm across her.

“Sorry to disappoint,” Maya said thickly, to which he scoffed at. Was this how they would be? Or was he just as taken aback as Maya.

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” he said, frustration coating his tongue.

“Ditto,” Maya shot back, the anger rising in her now, an easier defense than the earth shattering sadness that was threatening to overtake her like a wave, “Glad to see you have the ability to go wherever you want, when you want. Must be liberating.”

“No one’s keeping you away,” he was quick to shoot back, “Check any of your messages lately?” Maya blew out a huff of breath, “You missed Sadie and Seth’s wedding.”

Maya knew that—her mom had told her, but she couldn’t bring herself to return the reservation, not even for that. She opened her mouth to respond to tell him as much, but he carried on.

“Kim had her baby. Oh, and your best friend is pregnant again,” every sentence came out as an accusation. Maya hadn’t known about that last one. Becks was pregnant again? Fuck. “Not like you give a shit,” he said finally. The air hung thick and heavy between them and Maya felt the sharp burn of tears against her eyes.

“Fuck you,” she said through gritted teeth. Paul’s eyes widened in mock surprise and it infuriated her. He nodded and looked down at his feet before looking back up at her. One tear had escaped and flowed quickly down her cheek. Paul’s eyes followed it and abruptly he took a step toward her, as if on reflex, but he stopped.

“Everything okay?” a warm voice next to her asked. Oh no, Maya thought. Her eyes widened again and she felt that warm, reassuring hand on her back again as Arden tugged Maya a tad bit closer, clearly seeing she was in distress. But Maya was worried now that this entire exhibit was about to be shredded into pieces.

Her eyes found Paul, but his gaze was fixed only on Arden. His eyes narrowed, pure daggers thrown as he cocked his head to the side somewhat in challenge. Arden straightened somewhat and Maya thought about stepping away, excusing herself, but she couldn’t leave Arden to the wolves. He would be ripped to shreds.

There was still no tremors indicating Paul was in danger of losing control, but his face was contorted into that of faux chagrin.

“Not at all,” he said, his voice dripping with challenge. “Miss Sunriviere was just admiring my piece, weren’t you?” Paul’s eyes popped to Maya’s face for just a second, pain shot through his features so quickly, Maya wasn’t sure if she had actually seen it or not before he looked back to Arden.

“Ah, I see,” Arden said, not wholly convinced. His hand slid to Maya’s waist and she braced herself for the onslaught, “Maya, there’s someone over here I want you to meet. Nice to meet you Mr.?” Arden paused.

“Lahote,” Paul said stiffly, “Paul Lahote.”

“Mr. Lahote,” Arden nodded and pulled Maya around, his hand coming to rest in the center of her naked back again as he steered her away. Maya felt the heat from Paul’s gaze pierce her skin and when she dared a look over her shoulder back at him, he looked fit to roll into a rage right then and there at that hand on her back and burst into flames, but stayed exactly where he had stood the entire time as if bolted to the floor, unable to move.

Next > >

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