Tom Hiddleston Characters as Desserts
(Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or images. This is just a fun listicle, not designed to offend anyone. As always, please feel free to leave comments and/or constructive criticism below. Thank you, and without any further ado, please enjoy!)
Characters in this list: Will Ransome, King Henry V, Loki of Asgard and Jotunheim, Bill Hazeldine, Coriolanus, Jonathan Pine, Robert Laing, Magnus Martinsson, Oakley, Thomas Sharpe, and Jaguar Villain! Tom Hiddleston.
Will Ransome from The Essex Serpent - Raspberry Jam and Coconut Cakes
I chose this dessert for Will because it's mentioned in the original novel The Essex Serpent (which the series is based on). Plus, the titular serpent is considered a very exotic, almost mythical creature to Will, much like how coconuts were considered a very exotic fruit in Victorian England.
And in addition to that, the delicate nature of these little cakes is stronger than Will's loyalty (seriously, his wife Stella deserved better).
King Henry V from The Hollow Crown - Macarons
Macarons are delectable, expensive, and definitely fit for royalty. Plus, they tend to be subtle in flavor just like Henry's subtle charm, which he makes good use of when needed.
(What would Hal's favorite macaron flavor be? Something tells me French vanilla or raspberry.)
Loki of Asgard and Jotunheim, from the Marvel Cinematic Universe - Green Tea Cheesecake
How can Loki's dessert not have green - his signature color - in it? This is also a very decadent dessert and therefore fitting for a prince (and a rightful king). Plus, consuming green tea is linked to higher energy levels, just like how Loki excites fans all over the world.
(Also a good match for Loki? The Swedish princess cake, known as prinsesstårta. It was named as such because princesses were believed to have been fond of the cake. It's layered with custard and jam, and covered in green marzipan. Plus, Sweden is part of Scandanavia, which practiced Norse mythology once upon a time. And as almost everyone knows, Loki is the Norse god of mischief.)
Bill Hazeldine from Suburban Shootout - Battenberg Cake
For those who haven't heard of it before, a Battenberg cake is made from pink and yellow sponge cakes, linked together with jam and coated in marzipan, which is made from almonds and sugar. It was invented to mark the wedding of Princess Victoria (Queen Victoria's granddaughter) to Louis of Battenberg, hence the name.
The pink and yellow colors reminded me of Bill's sunny, rose-tinted outlook towards life. Plus, the square shape is pretty similar to Bill's square nature as someone who is pretty straightforward and reluctant to break rules.
Coriolanus from the play of the same name - Panna Cotta with Raspberry Sauce
Honestly, one of the reasons I chose this dessert for Coriolanus is because the raspberry sauce is reminiscent of Coriolanus's bloodthirsty nature as a general of the Roman army. And much like how panna cotta has a somewhat rigid shape that cannot be easily changed, Coriolanus has a tough time changing his own nature when he enters into politics (he doesn't get along with the ordinary citizens) and it's one of the reasons he doesn't do well in his elections.
Jonathan Pine from The Night Manager - Sticky Toffee Pudding
For a man who declares himself to be English "to the core", a sticky toffee pudding seems appropriate. Not to mention, Jonathan's decision to get involved in the operation to take down a great, international arms dealer puts him in numerous sticky situations that he needs to get out of, using his wits and strength.
Robert Laing from High Rise - Tiramisu
Tiramisu - lady finger cookies soaked in espresso, layered with ricotta cheese, and dusted with some cocoa powder. Dr. Laing deserves a dessert that caters to his mature tastes. Before the events of the movie, Laing is portrayed as someone who has their life together, down to each detail. Everything is perfectly in its place, just like the layers of tiramisu. Of course, that all changes over the course of the film, just like how none of the layers remain in place while eating a piece of tiramisu.
(And speaking of lady fingers, that sunbathing scene totally made some ladies want to put their fingers…never mind, sorry. Let's move on.)
Magnus Martinsson from Wallander - Lavender Lemon Cupcakes
Honestly, this is mainly because for some reason, I associate Magnus with the cottagecore aesthetic. Maybe it's because Wallander is set in a small town in Ystad, Sweden, or maybe it's because of Magnus's curls and boyish, innocent looks. But Magnus is anything but innocent sometimes, having sarcastic remarks ready at the drop of a hat. Hence, the hint of sourness with the lemon.
Oakley from Unrelated - Cannoli
There's a couple of reasons why I chose cannolis for Oakley. Number one, the film Unrelated is set in Tuscany, Italy, and cannolis are Italian. Number two, Oakley as a character keeps a playful, hedonistic, almost arrogant exterior when on the inside, he's sentimental and has deep-seated issues with his father. It's quite like how cannolis are hard on the outside and creamy, with chocolate chips or nuts, on the inside.
(Number three, based on how Oakley talks about sex and how he mentioned having a "hard-on", it's probably true that Oakley has learned to play with his own "cannoli". Sorry, that sounded crass.)
Thomas Sharpe from Crimson Peak - Victoria Sponge Cake
Soft, beautiful, and elegantly decorated - those adjectives describe a perfect Victoria sponge cake, as well as our first impression of Baron Thomas Sharpe. Plus, strawberries are red, just like the clay surrounding the Sharpe mansion (hence the name Crimson Peak). Though if I could, I'd customize this cake to have a hot chocolate bomb or something in the center. Because while Thomas has an exterior that is immaculate and romantic (it's almost too perfect to be true), he is one dark mess on the inside.
Jaguar!Tom Hiddleston - Dark Chocolate Brownie Sundae
Like Hiddleston's character in the Jaguar commercials, a dark chocolate brownie is well, dark, delicious, and probably rich. And the ice cream on top perfectly matches the seemingly cold demeanor of this villain. Like ice cream, some villains' cold exteriors melt under the right conditions.
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Baby, puppy, pale fur with a pink tongue and red strawberry ears
Birthday Cake, fresh-baked, white fur with rainbow sprinkles
Coffee Cake, elder, brown fur
Sponge Cake, puppy, no fur with golden dough
Ice Cream Cake, elder, white fur with choco dough and a white ice cream layer
Upside Down Cake, adult, pineapple and cherry fur
Prince Cake, adolescent, rich white fur sprinkled with brown sugar
Pound Cake, senior, velvety soft golden-brown fur
Angel Cake, young adult, powdery squishy dough
Funfetti Cake, adolescent, beige with flecks of rainbow
Black Forest Cake, elder, wooly brown fur with piped frosting and cherries on its head
Tompunce Cake, adult, hearty peach colored dough topped with a layer of fudgy pink fur
Dirt Cake, fresh-baked, course brown and black fur with gummy worms spread out around its body
Battenberg Cake, young adult, pink and light yellow checkered fur with Almond paste on its head
Madeira Cake, puppy, no fur with powder on top
Kuih lapis Cake, elder, multicolored (green, white, and pink) bouncy fur similar to pudding
King Cake, elder, coffee-colored fur with bursts of purple, green, and yellow sugar sprinkles
Banana Cake, adolescent, yellow tufted fur with greenish accented tips
Layered rainbow Cake, adult, colorful shaggy fur with sprinkles and a white icing crust
FruitCake, senior, fawn, thin cream fur with amorphous colorful dots
Marble Cake, elder, curly marbled biscuit and chocolate colored fur
Hummingbird Cake, senior, airy white fur topped with pecans and colorful flowers
Dump Cake, young adult, fuzzy lemony and raspberry fur with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on its head
Bundt Cake, fresh-baked, dark brown velvety fur with white gluey stripes
Genoise Cake, young adult, plush beige fur with fluffy white icing, topped with a familiar plushy beige color and various red fruits like strawberries and cherries
Spice Cake, adult, sleek sepia fur with thick speckled fluffy cream on its top
Yellow butter Cake, adolescent, coarse brown and yellow checkered fur
Mud Cake, senior, shiny silky brown coat
Tea Cake, elder, furless body with grainy skin
Crumble Cake, puppy, barely visible yellow fur with pebbly cinnamon crumbs strewn around its body
Rock Cake, senior, bumpy matted coat with transparent sprinkles and raisins nestled inside its fur
Yogurt Cake, elder, creamy purple fur with a spoon tucked into it
Cherry Vanilla Cake, young adult, red speckled white fur with cherries on top
Cookie Dough Cake, adult, taffy brown smooth fur with chunks of cookie dough scattered around
Butter Pecan Cake, senior, off-white flaky fur topped with chunks of sliced pecans
Rocky Road Cake, adolescent, chunky brown fur with chopped almonds and marshmallows nestled into its fluff
Apple crisp Cake, young adult, gritty brown and red coat with bits of yellow squishy apple nestled into its fur
Orange bar Cake, senior, smooth fur with orange square patterns on top
Banana cream Cake, adolescent, creamy yellow fur topped with whipped cream and sliced bananas
Mango mochi Cake, elder, cold white fur amidst hints of orange and yellow
Cherry Cobbler Cake, young adult, marbled beige, red and brown fur coupled with a scoop of vanilla ice cream
Falooda Cake, young adult, satiny pink fur with white bubbles and strawberries on top
Rice Cake, elder, grainy white fur
Kakigori Cake, senior, lumpy green fur with sweet red bean fur clumped up on its head
Mint tea Cake, puppy, translucent brown fur topped with mint leaves and a few flecks of tea leaves
Mango pudding Cake, adult, creamy white fur amidst white frosting dripping off of its head
Furin Cake, puppy, light fur with a furin wind chime planted on its head like a bucket hat.
Dragonfly Cake, elder, blue and green scaly fur with two lustrous wings on its back
Paint Cake, adolescent, splotchy multicolored fur that drips paint every step it takes
Worm Cake, senior, hairless Cake with bumpy pink skin
Fizzy Ferment Cake, adult, fizzy golden brown fur that's cold to the touch
Bookworm Cake, elder, desaturated brown fur with a book gently draped onto its head
Stir Fry Cake, puppy, brownish-greenish fur completely covered in rice, vegetables and meat jellies
Pasta Salad Cake, adult, off-white fur topped with lettuce, pasta, and walnuts
Grilled Cheese Cake, adolescent, squishy brown and droopy golden coat
Scrambled Egg Cake, puppy, bumpy yellow fur that looks as if it would fall off of its body if it ran too fast.
Fish Cake, puppy, scaly fur with a tail
Turtle Cake, adolescent, green shell placed on back, covering up the fur on its body
Seahorse Cake, young adult, bumpy, desaturated sandy fur
Copepod Cake, adult, liquidy, see-through illuminated fur with antennae
Beta Cake, senior, Smooth vibrant blue fur with frilly fins that constantly wave to its sides. It also has a fishy tail.
Pumpkin pie Cake, puppy, orange fluffy fur
Apple pie Cake, puppy, red orange fur with yellow specs
Candy corn Cake, puppy, orange, yellow and white striped fur
Rock candy Cake, adolescent, hard multicolored fur resembling rock candy
Torte Cake, adolescent, bumpy soft white and pink fur with crushed nuts on top
Profiterole Cake, adolescent, matted choco brown and white fur, wearing a flower shaped cookie as a hat
Herrencreme Cake, fresh-baked, warm creamy fur gently decorated with crushed chocolate bars and a single strawberry on top
Phyllo Cake, fresh-baked, lion-like mane with a black head and small red berries on top
Thapthim Krop Cake, fresh-baked, bumpy red fur coated in thin cream
Caramel tart Cake, young adult, light beige fur powdered with brown sugar
Bubblegum Cake, young adult, pink fizzy fur
Clementine Cake, young adult, rough orange fur
Popsicle Cake, adult, long body with multicolored glistening fur
Panna cotta Cake, adult, wiggly body with soft white fur
Jellyroll Cake, adult, swirled rainbow fur
White choco Cake, elder, white fur with specs of brown
Churro Cake, elder, long skinny body with sparkly golden fur
Oatmeal Cake, senior, grainy brown fur with wedges of banana within
Nougat Cake, senior, Nutty white and brown fur
Biscotti Cake, senior, wrinkly body with nuts decorating its bare back
Kolaczki Cake, freshbaked, wrapped in silk, shining red fur
Huckleberry Cake, freshbaked, purple and blue bumpy fur
Sundae Cake, freshbaked, creamy white fur with sprinkles and chocolate syrup
Grasshopper pie Cake, adolescent, speckled white fur with grasshopper-like features
Shoofly pie, adolescent, white and beige striped fur with wings and other fly-like features
Strudel Cake, adolescent, golden fur with streaks of glazed white on top
Apple dumpling Cake, adult, fluffy peach fur with apple seeds poking out
Whoopie pie Cake, adult, black and white frilly fur that remains untamed no matter what
Buckeyes Cake, adult, black fur with fake chocolate eyes on its back
Tofu Cake, senior, wiggly white fur that appears to jiggle even when untouched
Lima bean Cake, freshbaked, smooth bumpy green fur
Pea Cake, adolescent, Fur similar to Lima bean Cake, but with smaller bumps
Azuki Cake, adult, hibiscus colored uneven fur
Lentil Cake, senior, knobbly golden brown fur
Butterbean Cake, elder, pale brittle coat that shines in even the dimmest lighting
Jester Cake, freshbaked, red and white marbled dough adorned with jester attire and red and white piped frosting
Clown Cake, adolescent, funfetti dough filled with sprinkles and cookie dough topped with fluffy red fur and cherries
Juggler Cake, adult, blue dough with cream cheese and blueberries in the middle, has yellow fur with circular sprinkles
Hula-hoop Cake, senior, spongy yellow dough and pink swirly dough, typically seen with a hula hoop
Ringleader Cake, elder, red and black checkered dough with a tophat that covers most of its white frosting
Patient Cake, freshbaked, sickly blue dough with white frosting and sprinkles
Low-fat milk Cake, adolescent, chunky white fur with a cottage-cheese like frosting on top
Clipboard Cake, adult, brown dough with silver clips in its beige frosting
Nurse Cake, senior, peach dough with yellow glaze. Often found in a nurse outfit or a stethoscope
Doctor Cake, elder, nuts and raisin filled rocky-road dough wearing a long coat and fake sleek white frosting
Smiley the tropical cake hound, puppy, shy and likes the sun
Brown Rice Cake Hound (Unnamed 1a), adult
Brown Rice Cake Hound (Unnamed 1b), adult
Grape Strudel Cake, senior, cream dressed as a mikrokosmo, a laid back lap dog
Meet all my little hounds:3
You forgot dreamboat
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Independence Day Cookies by your British Friend
James happened to be have a week off after a mission. Felix made the mistake of inviting him to fly over and spend the week in Florida with him. During the Fourth of July.
Naturally James baked. He had this annoying habit of claiming Felix's kitchen whenever he stayed with them. Della was the only one allowed in as Felix, apparently, 'was only going to make me burn our dinner' and Della actually helped.
Still, he should've known there was trouble afoot when Bond and Della came out with twin grins and colorfully stained hands. Felix had hardly looked twice at the red on James's hands, but the bright blue on Della's was unusual.
"Too humid for plastic gloves," Della shrugged, not really answering his question.
As it turned out, they baked red, white, and blue cookies. Cookies shaped like a Battenberg cake - a distinctly British dessert.
Recipe below, adapted from this website
Ingredients:
3 cups plain flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
Pinch of salt
1 cup of butter
1 cup of granulated sugar
1 beaten egg (large)
A few drops of vanilla essence (although maple is also good, or you can leave it out entirely)
1 Tbsp milk
Red and Blue food coloring. (Amount you need depends on the strength of your dye)
Directions:
Preheat oven to 160C/325F. (Or wait until step 12.)
Mix dry ingredients in a bowl and place to one side.
Beat the butter and sugar together until smooth and creamy. (Room temperature butter works great. If you forget about that, put your butter in the sun.
Add the egg, flavoring, and milk to the mix and stir until combined. (A few minutes in an electric beater, scraping down the sides of the bowl intermittently)
Slowly mix in the dry ingredients until they form a stiff dough. (I usually have to finish this by hand just to make sure the bottom of the bowl doesn't have any flour left.)
Divide the mixture in three bowls and colour one third red and one blue.
Place the dough in the fridge for half an hour.
Roll each coloured piece of dough into a thick sausage shape. (This is up to you, but I make them about 2-3 cm in diameter) Make sure the two colours are roughly equal thickness definitely equal length. Then cut each in half so that you have four equal length rolls of dough.
You then need to shape each sausage until it becomes square in shape. It's not gonna be perfect, but a rough approximation is good enough.
Place your four square-shaped sausages on top of each other to form the Battenberg pattern.
Roll out the plainly coloured piece of dough and wrap it around the outside to form the marzipan part of the Battenberg. (This step is a bit easier if you roll it out between two layers of saran wrap so that you can pick it up and lay it on top of your coloured doughs to check that it's the right size before you wrap it around for good.)
Wrap in cling film and leave in the fridge to harden for half an hour. (Or overnight. Or put it in the freezer. These are good for prepping ahead of time.)
Cut into thin slices and place on a baking tray. They will spread slightly!
Bake for about 8 minutes. They will still feel soft, but they will harden as they cool. Don’t over-bake! (A slight golden look on the outside is good)
Cool on a wire rack and enjoy – you’ve earned them!
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