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ennoshawty · 3 years

Text

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

#haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu captains #daichi sawamura #oikawa toru #kuroo tetsuro #kita shinsuke #ushijima wakatoshi #bokuto kotaro #x reader

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wonpilsonefeel · 3 years

Text

Here’s a prompt list for request.

Ask for a minimum of one number (can be more) and pairing. Also add if you want it to be angst, smut or fluff.

ALSO MY ANON PART AINT WORKING BUT I WILL KEEP YALL ANON.

I didn’t come up with these prompts.

1. "How long have you been staring at that screen?"

2. "Do you really want to test me?"

3. "How did I end up watching this?"

4. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just worried someone is going to take you away from me.”

5. “I just want to hug you and never let go.”

6. “You’re an adult! Act like it!”

7. “Did you seriously patch up a stab wound with scotch tape?”

9. “Are you stuck?”

10. “Man, you sure got knocked around a lot today.”

11. “Just the idea of anything happening to you makes me feel physically sick.”

12. A miscommunication leads to everyone being told Person A is dead, and Person B does not handle it well. When Person A shows up completely fine, Person B is overjoyed.

13. “It shouldn’t be physically possible for me to love you this much.”

14. “What would you do if I died?” “Can we not talk about this?”

15. “They’re too good for you.”

16. “You look so cute in pajamas

17. “You’re my favorite person ever.”

18. “I love you so much I don’t know what to do.”

19. “You need to be more careful!”

20. “Why are we on the roof?”

21. “I know it’s wrong, but I love you.”

22. Why are you like this?”

23. I can handle myself. You don’t need to protect me.”

24. I miss you.”

25. You are not fine, you’re bleeding!”

26. Look, I really screwed up and I need advice.”

27. I hope you’re here to apologize.” “Is there something you want to tell me?”

28. You are sick, therefore I am going to take care of you. End of discussion.

29. I’m fine. It was just a nightmare. You don’t need to worry.”

30. I just want to cuddle.”

31. Every day I get to spend with you is the best day.”

32. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

33. “You have the most amazing smile.”

34. “You’re just not intimidating. Sorry.”

35. “Stop whacking me with that stupid rubber chicken!”

36. “Stop kicking me under the table!”

37. “What are you, five?”

38. “I heard a loud sound. Are you okay?”

39. “Why are you wearing my shirt?”

40. “How on Earth did you get so muddy?”

41. “Close your eyes. Don’t peek.”

42. “You know, it’s hard to stay upset when I’m holding you this close.”

43. Person A spends the entire day throwing things at Person B, just for fun.

44. Person A keeps stealing Person B’s snacks.

45. You should really get some sleep.”

46. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

47. I hate children. They’re the worst.”

48. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

49. I wish you’d stop saying that.”

50. Person A tries (and fails) to convince everyone they aren’t in love with person B.

51. I’m having a long day, okay?”

52. Stop treating me like a child!”

53. I hate it when you rhyme my name with things.”

54.

55. Small kisses littered across the other’s face.

56. A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss.

57. A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

58. An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.

59. Throwing their arms around the other person’s neck, hugging them close before kissing them passionately on the lips.

60. Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.

61. French kisses where they trace every tooth with their tongues as though trying to memorize them.

62. Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand.

63. A kiss that lasts so long, they are sharing each other’s breaths.

64. A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.

65. Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.

66. Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.

67. Butterfly kisses against the other’s cheeks.

68. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.

69. A fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.

70. One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

71. Tucking their hands beneath the other person’s shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin.

72. Teasing kisses where one person blows air into the other’s mouth and runs away.

73. One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.

74. Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.

75. A chaste kiss given to each other because they are in mixed company.

76. A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.

77. A kiss that tastes of the food/dessert they are eating.

78. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.

79. Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

80. Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other person’s ear.

81. Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.

82. One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.

83. Staring at each other’s lips for a moment before moving closer, as if drawn together by some unseen force.

84. Weak, sweaty kisses because it’s unbearably hot.

85. Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.

86. A kiss so passionate, so perfect - that after they part, neither person can open their eyes for a few moments afterwards.

87. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

88. Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.

89. An awkward kiss given after a first date.

90. Starting with bunny kisses before moving on to soft kisses.

91. Cleaning the other person’s lips with a lick and a kiss.

92. Whispering “I love you” before a chaste, delicate kiss.

93. Kissing tears from the other’s face.

94. A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.

95. Kisses shared under an umbrella.

96. Distracting kisses from someone that are meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead.

97. A kiss pressed to the top of the head.

98. Tentative kisses given in the dark.

99. Kisses exchanged as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly tripping over things on the floor before making it to the sofa, or bed.

100. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.

101. A kiss paired with a tight hug, knocking the breath out of the person being hugged.

102. One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partner’s.

103. Short and sweet kiss after meeting up for a date.

104. A kiss, followed by more that trail down the jaw and neck.

105.

106. Little one jumping in puddles wearing rain boots.

107. Shopping for nursery furniture for little one.

108. Holding the little one for the first time.

109. Being immensely proud when little one takes their first steps alone.

110. Little one’s first reaction to seeing/feeling snow.

111. Singing nursery rhymes to get little one to sleep.

112. Finger painting with little one.

113. Little one getting food all over their face.

114. Going on a walk together with little one.

115. Little one coming to sleep with you after having a bad dream.

116. Picking out little one’s first Halloween costume.

117. Little one’s first birthday.

118. Keeping little one from trying to eat crayons.

119. Little one’s first trip to the zoo or aquarium.

120. Showing little one a lightning bug for the first time.

121. Little one sticking their toes in their mouth.

122. Little one pulling on your hair with surprising strength.

123. Helping little one go down a slide at the park.

124. Little one needing an emergency bath.

125. Tickling little one’s chubby thighs until they laugh.

126. Singing songs and rocking little one to sleep.

127. Reading a book with little one on your lap.

128. Having to show little one that the food tastes good by having some too.

129. Playing airplane/train to get little one to open their mouth and take a bite of food.

130. Little one chasing after bubbles to pop them.

131. Playing peek-a-boo with little one.

132. Little one snuggling with a stuffed animal.

133. Playing “This Little Piggy” on little one’s toes.

134. Having little one help mix cookie dough.

135. Little one eating a slice of fruit and getting juice all down their chin.

136. Kissing little one where they got hurt to make the pain go away.

137. Little one stripping their clothes and running around in their diaper.

138. Waking up to little one crying out in their sleep.

139. Little one biting everything they can stick in their mouth as they teethe.

140. Little one sticking pretzel sticks up their nose.

141. Little one leaving sticky fingerprints on everything they touch.

142. Having little one help flip pancakes.

143. Giving little one a raspberry on their tummy after changing their diaper.

144. Watching little one go in and out of the kiddie pool.

145. Little one pointing out colors and shapes that they recognize.

146. Having little one wear their first formal wear.

147. Little one drifting off to sleep with a smile on their face.

148. Little one settling down after you finally figure out what they need.

149. Choosing little one’s name together.

150. Watching little one attempt to blow the seeds off a dandelion.

151. Little one getting in a laughing kick where everything is funny.

152. The first time little one picks their own outfit.

153. Little one chasing down the pet to rest their head on them and hold them tight.

154. Being unable to stay mad at little one when they give you puppy dog eyes.

155. Little one playing dress up with a grown-up set of shoes.

156.

157. Holding their hands when they are shaking.

158. Tucking the sheets around them when they stir during the night.

159. Traveling long distances just to see them.

160. Making their favorite meal when they are having a hard day.

161. Giving them a kiss before going to work and they are still in bed.

162. Tucking your head into their neck during a hug.

163. Lightly kissing on top of a freshly formed bruise.

164. Buying them something unrequested because it made you think of them.

165. Participating in their hobby even if it doesn’t personally interest you.

166. Sitting in comfortable silence while eating a meal.

167. Telling them a dumb joke just to see their smile.

168. Following their family traditions that they enjoy.

169. Playing your fingers through their hair while sitting next to them on the couch.

170. Singing and dancing to their favorite song.

171. Calming them down when they have a bad dream.

172. Having a tickle fight until you’re breathless.

173. Folding their clean laundry and putting it away.

174. Sharing a soft smile across a crowded room.

175. Bringing them a plate of their favorite sliced fruit.

176. Washing their back/hair in the shower.

177. Sharing your umbrella with them in the rain.

178. Listening to them while they vent.

179. Taking a picture together to print and hang later.

180. Tracing your names together in the sand.

181. Wearing clothes in their favorite color.

182. Doing a chore for them that you know they aren’t fond of.

183. Leaving a plate of food in the microwave for when they have a late shift.

184. Sharing a drink with them from the same straw.

185. Tucking their hair behind their ear to help them get it out of their face.

186. Helping scratch that itch on their back they can’t reach.

187. Pulling a chair out for them to sit down at the table.

188. Wrapping a blanket around them when they are sitting on the couch and watching a show.

189. Throwing away their piles of tissues when they have a cold.

190. Mending an item of their clothing that was ripped.

191. Running out in the middle of the night to get a food item they’re craving.

192. Helping brush their hair after a shower.

193. Making sure to be quiet while they’re taking a nap.

194. Letting them warm their cold hands under your shirt.

195. Giving them your dessert when you eat out because it’s their favorite.

196. Making a goofy face until they notice and laugh.

197. Giving them space when they express wanting to have some time alone.

198. Holding their hand while walking, even if there isn’t a crowd.

199. Holding shopping bags that are too heavy for them.

200. Standing between them and a busy road.

201. Rubbing the back of their hand with a thumb.

202. Giving them a back massage when they flop on the couch or bed.

203. Staying up half the night to finish a game with them.

204. Getting them a coffee just the way they like it.

205. Giving them a tight hug that makes them lose their breath.

206. Buying them a special treat when you go out shopping.

#day6 drabble #nct drabble #exo fluff #seventeen #monsta x #taeyong drabble #wonpil drabble #suho smut #vernon imagine #kpop scenarios #bts imagines #stray kids #got7 #ateez fanfic

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formulawonu · 4 years

Text

#3: keeping a pet with them (dog/cat)

MARK

mark would keep the dog 80% of the time

you get the dog when he’s busy w schedules or touring

he also keeps the dog 1/2 because he’s too attached 1/2 because he likes having more reasons to have you visit him

responsible dog owner — will make sure your dog is up-to-date with all of his shots and vet visits

sends you daily updates of your dog (more like sends you pics so he has reasons to take pics of the dog)

your dates would consist of walks in the park + dog cafes

yall would have a spoiled pupper 10/10

JAEBEOM

#1 cat enthusiast (+ bam)

would baby ur cat more than he babies u. deal with it

if he’s away on tour he would 100% text u asking about the cats everyday

jaebeom plz mind ur partner haha kidding... unless

the cats would stay with him also

would feel apologetic at first whenever you’d come over since cat hair would be everywhere

free-spirited paw parent. will let the cats do their thing but is also very attentive

will point out all cats u guys come across when on dates

JACKSON

would be kinda hesistant to get a pet cos a pet = commitment and ya boy is on-the-go 24/7 #mrworldwide

would end up agreeing after a lot of convincing

the dog would stay with u but jackson would come visit all the time

very affectionate since he doesn’t get to see the dog as often :(

would probably buy the dog the most random toys + stuff just because he feels bad he can’t be there all the time

i am almost sure the dog is getting a customized diamond collar

sometimes messages you out of no where to send pics of your dog just cos he misses him/her

you’re the master but the dog probably gets more excited seeing jackson

JINYOUNG

jinyoung didnt rly mind. thought the idea of sharing a pet was cute

he is a fair man so the dog stays with yall 50/50

u spend most of ur time at jinyoungs tho soooo hahahaha

jinyoung would TRY training the dog. success rate? idk maybe 65%

probably enjoys giving the dog a shower

10/10 sneaks treats when you’re not looking

your dog wouldn’t be as active/hyper but v loyal

YOUNGJAE

#1 dog enthusiast (literally fight me on this)

the dog becomes he & your literal world aw this is so cute

youngjae would 100% take the dog to his schedules if allowed

feels like ur the third wheel in the relationship half of the time

spoiled pupper — would probably have birthday parties thrown if u let him

dog stays with him sorry i dont make the rules

youngjae would collect cute outfits/costumes for ur dog (btw where is my arscoco collection merch)

friday nights are usually home movie nights with the three of you cuddling

ya dog is TRAINED for sure. youngjae would really prioritize that idk

sleeps on the bed

BAMBAM

#2 cat enthusiast

one cat is not enough he can handle it !

lemme spoil our children real quick -bambam,2020

half of his apartment is cat stuff

the cats stay with him mostly because he asked u if they could

whenever he’s out of town he makes u take every possible thing needed for the cats to be ok

my our cats -bambam,2020

actually loves all types of animals and would be willing to get a dog if u wanted one in the future

ur cats eat gourmet food probably

another v responsible paw parent

YUGYEOM

yugyeom would literally be the sweetest paw parent ever :(((((

babie taking care of another babie

would play with your dog all the time, watching them would be your favorite pasttime

dog stays with him 70% of the time u probably get to keep him whenever yug is super busy

goes for long runs with your dog when u dont wanna work out

has a lot of chew toys just bc yug thinks u can never have too many

will ask u to give the dog a shower tho hahahshshsj but he’ll support u by watching

would be the type to just stare at ur dog lovingly for minutes

#got7 #imagine #situation #story #jaebeom #jaebum #park jinyoung #jackson wang #mark tuan #choi youngjae #bambam #yugyeom #why is it so hard to find got7 w animals gifs #kpop #kpop imagines #imagines #pets #igot7 #jyp

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boizandgurlzinthehouse · 4 years

Text

𝐰𝐲𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐟 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭 ♡

a = attractive (what do they find attractive about the other?)

he finds attractive your whole self –the way you speak, the way you smile when you hear a joke, the way you grab out a piece of chips to eat it… typically your little features, because they are inconspicuous and tiny, but once wyatt explores one of them, he never gonna get enough from you.

b = baby (do they want a family? why/why not?)

now don’t, sorry uwu sure as hell. but later, when you two lived out your youths… yeah, definitely.

c = cuddle (how do they cuddle?)

arms hooked around you, his chin on the top of your head. when you two sleep, he drops one of his legs over you, reassuring that you won’t escape from him, not even to go to the toilet.

d = dates (what are dates with them like?)

literally the best dates –he wants to show you so many things, like skateboarding at night with light strips on your board, drinking smoothies and coke on the rooftop of your house. he often likes to call his friends too, only to show him that you, this intelligent, fluffy and lovely girl is his girlfriend.

if you want to go somewhere directly, just show him a way –he’s always ready to spend qualitative time with you.

e = everything (you are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

„you are my pocket-warmer on the snowiest day of the year when we play around outside.”

f = feelings (when did they know they were in love?)

when you two were on the set of ‘it’, on the field (from the last scene) you two just sit after the tiring day. he bought two sandwiches and one thermos for the two of you, laying his head on your lap. he looked up to the rose sky, while you picked up a little yellow flower, placing in his curly, adorable hair, saying “that’s it, no you're the most perfect boy.” grabbing your hand, kissing it gently, he only said “i’m just trying”, heart full with love for you.

g = gentle (are they gentle? if so, how?)

if there was a description for the concept “gentleness”, he would be the picture for the precedent-picture. giving you his hoodie when it’s cold or you’re tired, braiding your hair, helping you wipe off your makeup, just like the perfect gentleman he is. but other than that, he always ready to snuggling with you, or patting you while laying on his bed, watching your favorite movie ‘til sleeping.

h = hands (how do they like to hold hands?)

only if he feels insecure, he wants to curl his fingers around yours, don’t caring about who’s staring at you. when he holds your hand, feels like he have now a lifeline (that’s very important to him, so just hold his hand whenever you want, and yo gonna get a very happy wyatt.)

i = impression (what was their first impression?)

when you came with sophia to the set, you were talking and joking with her –even if you had the fear of the first meetings. you two found a dog, patting and playing with him , slowly opening up to everybody, watching your very lovely personality.

j = jealousy (do they get jealous?)

he don’t jealous in his nature, but when another guy sits beside you, he always watching his hands and his eyes, and if they go somewhere he don’t like, he thinks that that’s the end of the pity party. but normally, he always looks after you, trying to have a seat int he near of –or beside- you.

k = kiss (how do they kiss? who initiated the first kiss?)

wyatt’s kisses are always full of love, never too sloppy, never too rough or intrusive –only if you want to, but when you’re ask him for the nasty things, he would do it, but only with paying attention. he never want to ruin you or rip the confidence and sense of security –you are his little doll, who needs to be taken care for.

wyatt kissed you first on the set of ‘it’, before a shooting, you sat behind him and started to ruffle his hair, trying to get even fuzzier and fuzzier, he suddenly grabbed your hands, turned around and pulled you closer to a hug, then you turned your head to his hide, looking into his eyes, slowly kissing each other in the warmness of his presence.

l = love (who says ‘i love you’ first?)

right atfer your first kiss, he stroked your cheeks, just as you his curly locks, tucking you in his arms, chin on the top of your head, closing his eyes as you sat in his lap.

“you don’t need to prepare?” you whispered, the hair on the crown of your head tickling his neck. that’s the perfect moment, come on.

“no, because i love you.”

m = memory (what’s their favourite memory together?)

when you went out to one sleepover at summer, he covered the big trampoline (in the garden) with blankets and pillows, bringing some snack too. laying at night, staring at the stars while talking or listening to the calm music from his phone, talking about sweet nothings –once he did this, he always gonna want to do, again and again.

n = nickel (do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?)

he always tries to, giving you the t-shirt or the shoes what you want the most on your birthday, buying you candy or chocolate bar if you’re in a bad mood, sparing his money to the concert of your favoruite concert –have i told you that he tries everything, when he see a chance? because damn, he always tries his best. and he’s super good at it, please protect my baby )):

o = orange (what colour reminds them of their other half?)

to him, you are pink. the color of happiness, the color of the baby and the gentle angel who you really are.

p = pet names (what pet names do they use?)

babylove –the most common. when you two were at one sleepover at jaeden, he grabbed a bag of chips while began to going upstairs. he saw as you picked out the best snack for the movie. „are you coming, babylove?” you turned around, giving him the sweetest smile ever, he was sure that he’s gonna call you again and again like this. between cuddles, at the shooting, sitting beside you while he’s sick and you try to take care of him –always the right spots, sugar.

marshmallow –he teases you with this one, ruffling your hair inhe morning while you’re in one of his hoodies, giving you a warm hug while stroking your sleep-aching back. your cheeks and eyes are puffy from the deep slumber, you reminds him to the marshmallow he ate last week –squishy, melty in the hands, and otherwise ultra-adorable.

doll, honey, baby, my tiny french potato –whatever name that cute and reminds him of you.

q = quaint (what is their favourite non-modern thing?)

his old comic books –he always ready to grab out ont he lazy afternoons, with a bottle of coke and a little nachos.

r = rainy day (what do they like to do on a rainy day?)

absolutely his favourite days –nothing has to do, just snuggling between soft blankets and pillows, sleepily listening to the raindrops ont he window –even better when it’s with you.

s = sad (how do they cheer themselves/others up?)

he don’t want you to see him sad –tries to handle on his own, but when he’s failing, you’re always with him to give him the protecting arms he needs. when you’re sad, he searches your favourite memes, and try to make pancakes –even if it’s end up with the easiest cup noodles.

t = talking (what do they like to talk about?)

with you, everything and anything. but mostly, he likes to share his shower-thoughts with you. when he wants you attention, he begin to tease you with them.

„y/n, have you ever thought about that if we’re voluming something up, it’s like zooming in but with sound? or… have you every thought about if two mind readers are reading each other’s mind, whose mind are they reading? ah, wait! have y-”

„stan, please, not in the middle of my own shower-thoughts. buta s far as we go, have you ever thought about that everything in this universe is either pizza or not pizza?”

„…i love you so much, sweet potato.”

u = unencumbered (what helps them relax?)

speaking, bragging, bitching –saying out loud his problems helps him a lot, you don’t even need to answer him. just the presence of you, the consciousness that you are with him and he can share his problems, his thoughts –especially with you- gives him a calming media.

v = vaunt (what do they like to show off? what are they proud of?)

he’s just porud that you and him can trust each others, can lean on each other –literally, you and him are the strongest couple int he are, and he’s just really proud of it. he don’t like to show off, as long as nobody wants to stand between the two of you.

w = wedding (when, how, where do they propose?)

later, he wants to propose to you on a quiet, calmy morning, warm bodies pressed against each other. wyatt forces him to sit up, lingering to the night stand, kissing you for wake up. you are very sleepy, but surprised as well –but when he see the little dimple in the corner of your mouth, he knows that he was always ready to ask you that four words, from the moment when the two of you met.

x = xylophone (what’s their song?)

hundred miles – yall ft. gabriela richardson

„it’s our time to go,

dance with me one more time.”

y = yes (do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

of course, honeycake, he only needs some time for knowing you well, spend the best youth with you –to pamper you well and make some many fantastic memories with you.

z = zebra (if they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

he don’t interested very much in a pet, but if you gets the idea –or have already a cute little dog or cat, or even raccoon-, he have the curiosity and spirit to have a little third person int he household.

𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚝 <𝟹 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚊𝚋𝚎𝚝 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊, 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚊 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚋 ^^

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benhaardy · 5 years

Note

Hi! Can I please get a ship for both BoRhap/ Queen? I am a girl with long chestnut hair and brown almond-shaped eyes. I have a curvy and thic figure, but I am 5’7 tall. I am an absolute bookworm, I love reading books and writing stories (smart is the new sexy) Although I am shy at first, I have built a great confidence in myself and it helped me to easily talk to everyone. I love adventures, travelling, partying and listening to great music! Let’s add that I’m a reckless one too. Thank you ☺️

I ship you with BEN and ROGER!

yall met in a dog-friendly cafe. you noticed two things. 1. frankie’s cute af 2. this handsome ass man in a beanie ummm lemme get some of that???? you go up to him and you’re first like “hey can i pet ur dog!!!!!” but he knows… he knows he’s cute, but yes you petted frankie and yall just hit it off.

first of all, he’d looooooveee reading your work and would often beg to read them before they were done. he’s fascinated the way you use words (just words!!! what!!!!) to create a whole world and scenario on paper. he’s often looking over your shoulder when you’re in the kitchen working at the table and watching you type. you feel his breath as he silently mouths the words to what you have written.

ben’s usually right next to you on the bed when you’re reading, just fiddling w something or on his phone. or both. he’ll ask you what’s happening in the book and you’ll explain but he still won’t know what’s going on and who’s who after, no matter how well you explain (#readingprobs). it’s still cute to see his confused self nodding and his brow slightly furrowed, trying to piece stuff together.

he watched how hard you work and worked towards building your confidence in yourself and couldn’t be more proud of his girl. he can’t help but beam when he sees you just be free and open around everyone.

“ben? what’s this?” you said as you picked up the two boarding passes on the kitchen counter. ben came up behind you and put his hands around your waist. “we’re going to france tomorrow and italy in two weeks! surprise!” he kissed your cheek and walked away.

^ that’s pretty normal with him tbh

he helped build your flight and road trip playlist too :ppp hes got a great music taste btw

loves taking you on set and everything and seeing you starstruck by everyone you meet tbh.

he isn’t too big on the party scene but anything to get you to move yo body on him :PPPPPPPP . seeing you in all these countries and new places he’s taking you having the time of your life is worth everything to him. you get a litttttllllleeee on the wild side when you’re in the groove (and in general) but he doesn’t mind and is rather amused and definitely in love

ben loves your body!!!!! he loves your hair and your eyes and everything about you absolutely everything!!! ahhhhhhh!!!!

kinda doesnt understand how he got some1 as great as you but he will 100% TAKE IT!

also you two slytherins unite yeet !! ravenclaw over here :D

(irl and movie roger can be imagined w this)

writing!!! you guys love it!!!! though you weren’t much on songwriting per se and he wasn’t on normal writing entirely but i love the scene of yall two sitting in bed somewhere in europe or around the world really, with notepads, you trying your hand at songwriting and him at conventional writing. lets just say… it did not turn out too well. BUT! you still help each other out with what yall do (you help him in general and he helps you with the more metaphoric/figurative/emotion writing ig?) and are both often writing writing writing with each other. you’ve written many about rog and he’s written much about you too.

thats a long headcanon so heres another bulletpoint. smart is the new sexy ;)))) and he loves your intellect wow he could listen to you talk for hours he could read what youve written for forever. like. rog loves it.

he lovesssss your outgoing personality/personality in general lol. the way both of you are mix very well and going with the headcanon above, you guys work great together and though you two wild ones would seem to butt heads it really doesn’t happen a lot. the guys fell absolutely in love with you and you have a thing in common w all of them: books, writing, quiet w bri and deac/k/y (:P), and your adventurous side w both freddie and rog. rog also gets along quite well with the people around you and you guys are just the super chill but really loud and outgoing couple lmaoo!!

travelling, partying, adventures: rog’s favourite mix. you’ve probably partied in every country in europe and are working on more!

“pack your bags, gwen!” rog yelled as he came through the front door. you were in the kitchen taking care of some bills so you called back casually, “for what, rog?” he was in front of you now, standing in the threshold of the kitchen, an unusually mischievous look on his face. “we’re going on tour for a year!” “i-i have work and the pets and everything and i-i thought id be staying her-” “don’t worry, love.” he came a step closer to you and closed his arms around you tightly. “did you really think i’d leave you here all alone? i called work and promised them some autographs and free tickets for this and the next tour — you’re fine and you’ll still have it when we get back. now let’s go upstairs and get packing.”

you had your own things to do but rog always, always made sure you wanted to go if he had a surprise for you.”are you sure?” is always his first question before you guys leave for the airport on another flight to the new place of the week. i mean 100% of times you wanted to go but then again you guys travelled probably like every weekend sooooo. you understand.

loves looking over his drums and seeing you, striking, a stand out in the crowd looking back at him. he winks and blows a kiss at you (to which he gets a little teasing but nothing he can’t handle) and you blow one back, your smile hugeeeeee. the music surrounds you and every once in a while roger catches a glimpse of you with your eyes closed, just drinking in everything and every sound

he loves your body. legiterally. like he loves it a shit ton dude. like ok it’s roger taylor ofc but it’s like roger taylor x maybe a thousand. he really likes your eyes lol its probably his favourite just like the shape and colour and their expressiveness—this boy is whipped for you.

heyyyy thanks for requesting a ship! hope you like it!! lowkey went overboard but i love going overboard on ships y’all absolutely deserve it!! had a lovely time writing this and you sound like a wonderful person. peace!

SHIP REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

#ben hardy #roger taylor #queen #bohemian rhapsody #c!ships #c!writing #xbarrjallenx #long post

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galoismyhimbo · 5 years

Note

1-97 for Emily! Do them all.

akdjsasdas I wont back down from this, anon.

SO BUCKLE UP KIDDOS THIS GONNA BE A LONG ASS REPLY

1. What is their favourite food?

Probably, pancakes. Just plain ol’ pancakes with syrup, its simple and thats why she loves it.

2. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal?

Emily has a HUGE phobia of spiders. She see’s one across the room, she’s already setting the place on fire to kill it.

3. What do they wear to bed?

In the summer, just some shorts and a baggy shirt. In the winter, a star wars onsie.

4. Do they like cuddling?

yES! She is a slut for cuddling

5. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone?

Nope. At least not yet.

6. What do they look like?

Long, dark brown hair. Light brown eyes, pale skin, scarred face and body. Buff af, shoulders are bit wider than her hips. Wish i had a full body reference lmao.

7. Do they like chocolate?

Yep!

8. What are their good and bad traits?

Good: Loyal, lowkey softy, brave, perseverance, and has a strong will to protect the innocent.

Bad: impulsive, big ego, holds in her anger till she explodes, and reckless

9. Do they have any artistic talent?

Yeah, shes drawn in her free time and has gotten pretty good.

10. What is their favourite room to be in, in the house they live in?

Her bedroom. Just laying in bed, watching tv or something. She likes the quiet and seclusion.

11. Do they believe in luck?

12. Can they do magic?

Nope

13. Do they believe in dragons?

No, but there’s always the child in her that does.

14. What is a pet peeve of theirs?

When people chew loudly or talk with their mouth full.

15. What was the last thing they cried about?

umm… depends on where she is in her life. If I stick to the events of FC5, then after she woke up in the bunker with Joseph.

16. What is their sexuality?

Birom Ace

17. Do they have a best friend? If so, who, and what makes them their best friend?

Sharky is her best friend. She loved his dumbassery, cause shes a dumbass too at heart. So they would just run around causing havoc for the cult.

Her other best friend is @deputydonewithyall‘s Hope. They are really gay for each other and are REALLY close. Emily really is dating her best friend. :^)

18. Have they ever been in a romantic relationship?

Yep, with Hope Pillar. And they still are. Cause you know what brings people together? Shared trauma.

19. What does their relationship with their family look like? Are they close? Distant? Ect.

She used to be close to her family and relatives. But over time she drifted away, especially after her father died. When he did, she left to Montana after her brother was able to live on his own. She’s only seen them on some holidays.

20. Do they have a pet?

Fangs for hire basically.

21. Do they have a familiar?

No. But if she picked one it would be a leopard lmao

22. Are they a supernatural being?

Nope.

23. How do they usually wear their hair?

Usually down, but she also wears it in a ponytail. She looks great in one.

24. Can they play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what can they play?

Nope.

25. What type a high schooler are/were they?

Average. She did well in school, but she wasn’t in any clubs. She just wanted out.

26. Have they ever been in a physical fight before? If so, with who? Who won?

Yep. With many during the fight with the cult lmao.

27. What is their favourite holiday?

Christmas, she LOVES it

28. If they could have one wish, what would they wish for?

For everything to be normal again, no more cult, no more pain. Just her old life back. :^)

29. Do they wants kids? If they already have kids, do they want more?

She’s not opposed to having kids. And she gets one eventually. But she doesn’t want it :^) my bunker story explains that LMAO

30. Do they have a job?

Deputy

31. Do they know how to drive?

Ye, she’s a great driver

32. Do they get stressed out easily?

Nope, not really

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it?

Nope.

34.Have they ever broken the law?

Before the cult? No. Well she’s gone over the speed limit but thats it lmao

35. Do they own a plant?

Who got time for that

36. Have they ever rode a horse before?

No but she wants to so badly.

37. What is their favorite gif?

38. Do they get along with others easily?

Not really, but she tries her hardest

39. Do they have any tattoos?

Nah, but she’s not opposed to it

40. If I wanted to draw them, what would be distinct physical features that I would have to know to draw them correctly?

She has a pretty strong jawline, her gaze is sharp. She just has strong facial features in general i think; plus the scar on her left eyebrow and the one going across the right side of her face makes her badass.

41. What is their favourite breed of dog?

Bernese Mountain dog

42. Do they live with anyone? If so, who?

Not currently, but in the future she lives with Hope

43. Where is their dream vacation?

Going to anywhere in Europe in the winter honestly

44. Do they know more than one language?

Nope.

45. Are they a quick learner?

Yeah, she can adapt quickly.

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win?

Emily won a drawing contest in like 3rd grade. She got a badge and everything, she was so proud of herself.

47. If the world were to end in 24 hours, where would they be and who would they be with?

They would go up onto a mountain with Hope, Sharky, and Boomer. And they’d just hang out till the last moment. Those three are the most important to her, and she would spend her last moments with them over anything else.

48. What does their room look like?

Her floor is clean, but any desk in her room is covered in things. She lowkey a mess

49. If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have?

A Tasmanian Tiger

50. If they got called out by someone, what would they do?

Throw hands. Only if it was really bad lmao

51. Have they ever shot a gun before?

Ye, many times before

52. Have they ever been axe throwing?

No. But take her on a date to one and she’ll be all yours

53. What is something that they want but can’t have?

Her sanity back :^) shit goes down in my story

54. Do they know how to fish?

Yeah, she’s actually pretty good. And she finds it relaxing

55. What is something they always wanted to do but too scared?

Go on roller coasters. She fears them but man, they look like fun to her and she feels like she’s missing out.

56. Do they own their own baby pictures?

Actually yeah, she keeps photos back at her apartment. She also has a photo of her, her siblings, and her dad years before he died in her pocket.

57. What makes them standout among others?

In all honesty, her brute force. She is a buff gal, and could handle herself in a fight, even playing dirty. If given the chance, she could fight Jacob. It would be a tough one but she’d have a chance.

58. Do they like to show off?

YEP. She has an ego.

59. What is their favourite song?

If I go, I’m going - Gregory Alan Isakov

60. What would be their dream vehicle?

A motorcycle

61. What is their favourite book?

She doesn’t have one.

62. Who, in their opinion, makes the best food?

Pratt. Only because one year he made something for a Christmas party for their department and it was hella good. Though someone else probably could’ve made it.

63. Are they approachable?

Not really? She a tall, very buff looking woman with a scarred resting bitch face. But if you do approach her she’ll open up.

64. Did they ever change their appearance?

Nah.

65. What makes them smile?

Memes. lmao jk, just little moments of peace with friends and loved ones.

66. Do they like glowsticks?

Hells yeah

67. What is something that is simple, but always makes them smile?

Someone giving her a little gift and saying it reminded them of her. OR someone leaving little love notes around for her.

68. Are they a day or night person?

Night.

69. Are they allergic to anything?

Nope.

70. What do you, the creator of this OC, like most about them?

Her bravery. Which is also connected to her recklessness; she will risk her life to save an innocent or someone she cares about.

71. Who is their ride or die?

Sharky and Hope. These three are an iconic trio

72. Do they currently have a significant other? If not, are they going to get one later one?

YEP. Hope.

73. What attracts them to another person?

Honesty, loyalty, and gentleness

74. Who is one person that can always make them laugh?

Sharky or Hope.

75. Have they ever partied too hard and their friends had to take them home?

Emily doesn’t like alcohol so no, she hasn’t.

76. Who would be their cuddle buddy?

H O P E. And Boomer lmao

77. Who would cheer them up after a long day?

Sharky, Boomer, and Hope. And actually Joey before the cult stuff.

78. If they had a nightmare, who would they run to?

Hope. But that can change sometimes.

79. What object to the care for the most?

Her necklace.

80. Do they like other people’s children?

Depends. With baby Rye, she adores her. But other kids she may not be the biggest fan of.

81. How would they react if someone broke into their home?

”…You got to be kidding me.”

82. Does anyone make them have butterflies in their stomach?

HOPE MAKES EMILY A HUGE SOFTY, YALL DONT UNDERSTAND. Sorry i got excited

83. What is something that they are good at?

Archery.

84. What is their neutral expression?

Resting Bitch Face.

85. Do they like to cook?

No, she wishes things just appeared in front of her to eat

86. What is something they can’t leave home without?

The necklace her father got her years ago

87. Who is someone that they rely on?

👀👀 Hope.

88. Do they liked to be tickled?

No, and she’ll punch you if you try

89. Have they ever been a sword fight before?

No. But she’d be down to at any moment

90. What is a joke that they would find funny?

Basically memes and stuff lmao

91. Do they have a place that can go and turn off their brain?

In Hope county, Emily liked to go to the church in Fall’s End to just relax. She was close to Jerome as well so they would just talk when things were calm.

92. What was their childhood like?

It was actually pretty normal for the most part. After her mother died on duty, her father raised her and her two siblings for a long time before he eventually died. She knew her relatives and stuff, had big family dinners, get togethers. She remembers her mom getting up really early every Christmas to make a large breakfast for the family and relatives. She loved waking to the smell of bacon.

93. What are they like as an adult?

She has her life together, but she’s also a wreck. Like, eating ramen for 4 days straight cause she doesn’t want to go grocery shopping.

94. Do they take criticism well?

Yeah, she knows its to improve on something. But she’s annoyed on the inside.

95. Have they ever jumped out of a plane?

Only ones that have been crashing LOL

96. Who do they like to make jokes with?

Anyone of her friends. She loved pulling pranks on the other deputies before the cult issue.

97. Have you ever drawn them before? If you are comfortable with it, would you post a picture?

Hell yeah. Though none are actually finished so here’s a WIP

#ask meme #my oc #emily burns #sadjakdhakjs this took forever but omfg ty for asking

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thenixkat · 6 years

Text

Animorphs notes 1

Book 1

Narrated by Jake, my least fav main from back in the day

Books are for people to learn the truth. Implies that Jake considered publishing this shit was a viable option

All this shit started on a Friday night

Marco’s good at analysing shit

Tobias just fucking latched onto the first person to stand up for him

There are ways to describe that yer cousin is good looking and well dressed that dont sound like that

Also this fuckin white boy doesnt capitalize Black in relation to the descriptor of a person

Just described this girl as mystical…

Sexism, but like Cassie will use that shit to her advantage

Marco is the responsible friend

The Andalite space ship is ‘cute’

Tobias is fuckin ready for aliens

Andalite description number 1 puts them as more humanoid upper part and smol ungulate lower bit,3 slits where a mouth should be on a human face, horn-like eyestalks, glittery eyes, blue and tan fur, scorpion tail-thick ends in sharp horn or stinger

Elfangor is set on the whole dying thing, these nice kids are tyring to help save him

An invasion force of maybe hundreds or more. That’s fucking pitifully small.

If I weren’t freaked out by snails I’d say the yeerks sound like good pet material for the folks who like slimey boneless pets. Grey-green as big as a rat

Elfangor thinks an invasion force of maybe more than a hundred could take over the Earth in about a year.

Elfangor is real dead set on dying, meanwhile Rachel throwing out ideas to maybe save him

Damn Cassie just fucking telling Jake he aint scared to have him volunteer to go into the alien spaceship

Andalite ships are Apple products

Why didn’t Jake take the picture too? Let Elfangor look at it one last time before he dies.

Marco is skeptical of superpowers while talking to a fucking alien

Tobi, then Rachel, then Cas all agreed to join the fight first

Cas keeps singling out Jake and pushing him into decisions

Elfangor just letting these kids feel all his feelings

Rachel still trying to save this man who’s dead set of dying

Cas is the first to fuckin cave under Visser 3’s aura and nearly gets them all killed

Elfangor is racist as fuck to taxxons

Elf projects a courage aura for the kids. They should try and learn that power

That hork-controller by the wall can definitely hear these fucking kids.

Visser 3 wastes a perfectly good infestible body. Get a yeerk in that bitch and make him morph and bam, another andalite controller.

Yeah no, the hork-controller by that wall def noticed Jake’s little stunt

Everyone is like wtf Jake are you trying to get us killed?

Vore count is 1

Visser 3 makes vore/bad office jokes

Marco throws up and thats what gets the attention of the nearest hor-controller, not Jake fucking jumping up and grabbing a pipe. Or the kids talking to eachother

Panic and run, and split up. Rachel and Jake independently come to the plan of distracting the controllers away from the slower members of the herd

Hork-controllers bounding like devil kangeroos? These bitches fuckin hoppin after yall?

Yeerks fuckin wasting perfictly infestible bodies

Jake got a person killed

Death count of like what 2?

Tobi is fuckin jazzed at his new furry powers

Tobi got scratched by his cat and it didn’t heal when he morphed. Interesting

Jake is trying not to have a nervous breakdown over this shit

Tobias can hear Jake’s thoughts. Interesting

Tobias has decided that Jake is the leader

Jake forshadows that something is gonna happen to Tobi

Knees reversing direction.

Jake has access to his morph’s memories. Interesting

Jake morphed into a neutered dog. Interesting, so they don’t morph into an exact dna duplicate but an actual copy of the creature

Dog!Jake can smell the yeerk or smells associated with yeerk. Interesting

Kids learn that they cant trust the police.

Marco has no intrest in getting killed to save the world

Ya know I’m wondering why child services never got involved with Marco’s family case. Cause a kid should not be taking care of his parent

The girls have already figured out the whole having clothes and morphing thing

Marco is very perceptive and a better fighter than Jake from the looks of it

I highly doubt that dna is much involved in morphing other than a blueprint of what should be the final result

Tobias morphed a healthy hawk from an injured hawk while Jake morphed a neutered dog from a neutered dog, and that’s very inconsistent for dna being important to the morphing process.

Tobias is one of those weak binches that overly anthropomorphize animals

So the yeerks are photosynthetic?

Tobi wants to blow up the yeerk pool and everyone in it

Tom, ‘Hey kids, wanna join a cult?’

Tom maneges to get something out to Jake

The girls are very good at people reading

Like some cult, it is a cult

Tobias would really rather be an animal with his furry ass

Jake’s gonna turn into Homer. At a party where his brother’s body is. Brilliant

Weak dog eyes that can’t see too well in darkness? Bullshit, dogs have much better night vision than humans.

Dogs dont know despair, bullshit.

There’s a lot of spelling and grammer errors in this pdf

Why is lizard Cas’s best guess for spying on someone who spends a lot of time inside buildings? Lizards are more noticeable than bugs.

Anoles are in the iguana suborder, not family

Jake is too big to fit in a locker well

Jake is a weak ass bitch who doesnt think lizards are cool

Jake doesnt practice shit before entering a life and death situation of his own volition

That … would also be smell. smell/taste, that’s what?

A spider with compound eyes…. What the fuck. That’s not a spider

Vore count at 2

Funky purple lighting in the yeerk pool

Cassie that’s some half assed animism yer going on about. Did you just make this some kinda holy mission?

Team gets a name

Tobi is a fucking idiot. The fuck are you gonna do with a medium sized predatory bird?

So why are they sneaking around durring business hours? Why not wait some hours?

Rachel likes dolphins

Marco is not good at driving

Marco is good at figuring out things.

Jake should pay more attention to his surroundings

Marco is a dark boy

So people saw Jake and Marco in the tiger exhibit

Jake is a weak ass bitch who doesnt like broccoli

Cassie’s missing

Huh, its a good thing that the kids decided to go in for a mission with no real plan and bad starting conditions. Elsewise Cassie woulda been made a controller and their asses woulda been forfeit.

Yeerks fucking zooming around in the pool

Tobias said that there were voluntary hork-bajir hosts and I know that’s bullshit.

The yeerk pool has very purple lighting

These kids better pray that the dude who was them is ded

This tiger feeling description is hilarious. Big cats are cowards who’d rather run that take on challenges.

Tobi manages to miss all of a hork-controller’s head blades in that swoop

Cas, like Tobias was a fucking idiot who chose not to get a battle morph. Also this chick owns horses, horses and stairs are not a great combination

Visser 3’s andalite eyes have vertical slits/eyes oriented in a way that the eyelids close verticly

Visser 3 morphed into a fire breathing 8 headed dragon

Tom decided to go out fist fighting taxxons

And Rachel should be having a terrible time with those stairs, oh she demorphed. Where people could see.

Tom fucking tries to fight Visser 3 the fire breathing dragon with his fists

So the animorphs managed to save one woman, that they know of

Cassie killed that police officer

Tobias got himself trapped in morph

#nix meows #nix reads animorphs

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moldypieceoflasagna · 6 years

Text

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe.

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity @drawinintherain )

#love exposing myself to people on the internet #hot

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moriangelhere · 6 years

Text

Things you should know about me in a relationship

So I had a dream during my nap yesterday about my ex trying to get in the bathroom where I was despite me telling him no and forcing the door closed. Then I had another dream where I beat the living shit out of my other ex... So I just had an idea that I should just lay down some stuff for you guys. These are just things I’ve experienced while dating those two fucking assholes.

1. I’m in one or two moods: I need to do everything in a certain amount of time or I’ll die or Idgaf let me sleep. Don’t tell me to drop everything because at this time in my life, there are more important things than you so either be patient or gtfo. As for me wanting to sleep, yeah I’ll be a bit grumpy but I’ll get out of bed. I’ll get out of bed quicker if food is provided.

2. Don’t call me while I’m at work unless it’s an emergency or at school. Don’t call me and not have anything to say because I’ve got shit to do. If you really want to hear from me or send some sort of communication, text me. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

3. If for some reason we aren’t having enough time together, make time. I’ll get up early to spend the morning with you if I’m not too tired but you’ve got to be willing to do the same. Don’t make plans with your friends and family after I ask you if we could meet up during the weekend. If it’s something you can’t get out of and or it requires the entire day, then invite my ass.

4. I get that you want to vent to me about your family and maybe some of your friends, but don’t talk shit and expect me to join you. I don’t know those people like you do. I’ll vent about the people in my life too but don’t you dare talk shit about them. You can express your opinions and concerns about my relationship with other people but not in a way where it comes off as if you downright hate the person.

5. If there’s something bothering you or if I did something to offend or upset you, tell it to my fucking face. We’ll work it out. If you don’t, it comes off as if you don’t trust me or you think very little of how I handle things.

6. I’m glad to meet your friends, I’m ok with you hanging out with them, inviting them over, and I’m proud of you going out of your way to help a friend in need. I won’t get between yall no matter their gender. But if they are talking shit about me, do something about it and don’t bring them around me. Do NOT invite them or have your friends around when it’s suppose to be our time.

7. Now I’ve dated a guy who went from believing in God, to not believe in God to now who believes in pantheism. The other guy is an atheist. Both have confined these parts about themselves to me and both of these boys haven’t really told their families who more or less are Christians. I am a Christian but I do not force my religion onto others nor do I share some qualities of certain Christians because I know humans will (and have) twisted words of faith to benefit themselves and to bring others down. But under any circumstances do NOT start a mother fucking religious “debate” with me. I was open to the idea of dating guys outside my religion as long as they respect mine, I’ll respect theirs but fuck that. Give me a Christian man.

8. Heaven forbid if you somehow find the strength and nerve to tell me what the hell I should eat. Bitch, I’ll eat whatever the fuck I want to eat and don’t you dare try to pull the “I don’t want you to be overweight” as if I won’t still be beautiful if I gain some weight or as if I don’t know how to take care of my body. I’ve been petite the majority of my life, all that weight you’re worrying about is ghosting me. It unfriended and blocked me. It really pisses me off when you’re muffin top ass is telling me this.

9. You can tease me about the things I like because I’ll tease you back about the things you like. But if you talk shit about the clothes I wear, the shows and films I like, the music I like, the car I drive, what I eat, to the fact I’m a major introvert...FUCK YOU. You’re done. And if you breathe some shit about my pet(s) and or my artwork. I will get fucking violent. I will make you crawl out of the relationship battered and bruised.

10. Apologize to me if you hurt my feelings. Doesn’t matter if you think you’re right, I don’t want to deal with you if you hurt my feelings. I don’t even want to talk to you so don’t try to stir a conversation up as if nothing fucking happened. Whether I’m right about something or not, I will apologize if I hurt your feelings because I wouldn’t want you to be sad or angry.

11. I’ll try to get into and understand your hobbies. But don’t disregard mine or others. It makes you look like a pretentious prick.

12. One of my exes stopped smoking as soon as we dated and he found out that I wouldn’t have dated him if he was still smoking. I realize some people have smoking habits and that it’s hard to quit. But this guy, he was really doing it and I was proud of him until I saw him smoking while drinking a beer at a party. I was about to break up with him on the spot but I thought this was a relapsed or that he was hiding the fact that it’s hard for him to quit. Nope. He said he only smokes now when he drinks. I should’ve went through with it and dumped his ass but that would’ve been petty wouldn’t it? Well, idgaf now. You smoke, I won’t date you. If you stopped but smoke again, I will dump you on the fucking spot. I don’t have time for this shit. No smoking and no drugs.

13. If you drink, I don’t mind but I will probably keep my distance from you the rest of the night. Don’t take it too personally though. I don’t like drunks and I’ve had a bad history with people who do drink. I don’t drink myself and I won’t force anyone to not drink. Just don’t try to force me or persuade or guilt me into drinking with you. It’ll only annoy me.

14. I don’t like parties. Let me rephrase that... I don’t like parties with people I don’t know and or close to. I don’t like big parties in general. So if I come across awkward and or anti-social or “fake”, just know I’m uncomfortable in that kind of environment. Don’t get upset with me about it. I’ll endure by staying and I’ll try my best to be “normal” because I do want to be a bit more social and I want you to be happy. But I would be so grateful if you for some reason decided to leave and take me somewhere quieter or with a more relaxing environment.

15. If I say we’re moving to fast, that’s not a fucking reason for you to try to persuade me it’s normal. When I’m not ready, I’m not fucking ready. Whether it’s to meet your parents, for us to move towards the sexual part of our relationship, talking about our future such as living together, us living together, marriage, children and what our daily lives would be like. I don’t care what your experiences are in a relationship, but if someone is not ready, it’s not your fucking decision to make or chance to persuade them into doing things you want.

16. Whatever your parents thoughts are on me, your opinion is the most important. I will respect your parents but for the love of God don’t leave me alone with them!!!

17. Don’t get mad when I don’t want to do anything sexual with you. Especially if you’ve been ignoring me all day. If I’m tired or not in the mood or not ready, leave me alone. If you say you want to watch something with me, then let’s watch something. I’m not about that Netflix and chill life. You can only turn Netflix or music on when we are about to fool around just for background noise.

18. Living together is a huge step and we would have to know each other for years before you even consider the idea. I had to move out of my old house for reasons and I was looking for a place to stay. I couldn’t afford a place of my own and I wasn’t making enough money to live with my friends who had room (pay bills and buy groceries and stuff) and my ex wanted me to move in with him and his parents and his two little brothers and his two tiny dogs. We were only dating for a couple of months and I thought this was a bad idea. What makes matters worse is that they barely had room for me and I wasn’t allowed to bring one of the dogs I was taking care of. So I’m like no, we’re a package deal. If move, he moves with me and no I’m not depending on anyone else to take care of him. Luckily I found somewhere else to stay with my dog and my ex had to move not too soon after all the way to Virginia that was just on the boarder of Washington. Yeah, no. He was still talking about me moving in with him and for some reason he couldn’t get it through his head that I did not have enough money, I am not moving anywhere just to be with some guy, his family moves around too much, I’ve got too much shit to take care of here, I know he didn’t want me to bring my dog but again we’re a package deal, and we haven’t been dating long enough for all that.

19. I one day would like to travel around the world and live somewhere other than the place I grew up but now is not the right time. If I move, it’ll be for the right reasons such as schooling or my career path and I would have money. I’m not going to live somewhere just for a guy and struggle in a place where my needs aren’t being met. My ex asked me if I would travel with him around the world due to a career he wanted. I said sure because I thought he meant, traveling as a vacation but always have a place we could call home. But no he was talking about being stationed for months to years at various places and always on the move. Fuck that! Just because your fucking family likes to play hot potato and travel wherever the fuck they feel like, doesn’t mean everyone is like that. And how the fuck he came up with the idea of me being afraid to leave home I’ll never understand.

20. I don’t want kids yet. I’m on the boarder line on whether or not I want to adopt a kid but as far as giving birth. Fuck that shit.

21. I was okay with the idea of having a simple marriage to where it’s a small wedding to not having a wedding at all. Then for some damn reason, I said I was okay with not getting married because all that mattered was to be with the man I loved. Fucking stupid romantic girl was I. Now, yes. I do want to get married. Idgaf about the history of marriage. I want someone to be my forever. I want to believe there is a thing called a soul mate. I want to get married and I want to have a wedding. I don’t want a big wedding, but I want it to be one the happiest day of our lives. If you don’t want a future with me, quit wasting my fucking time. I don’t need you.

22. If I get sick, don’t expect me to stay awake for you. I get really sick and would just sleep all day and all night. I would occasionally get up to use the bathroom or eat a snack (my appetite will drop) but that’s about it. I don’t want you to get sick or to go out of your way to do anything extra for me. Let me rest and just keep a eye on me in case I get worse or if I’m having a nightmare.

23. I love massages but if you’re not good at it, get some bath salts, bath bombs, bath oils, bubble bath soap, and join me in the bath.

24. Don’t bring up my ex(es) the fuck out of nowhere. In time we’ll talk about exes but don’t bring them up asking about my feelings for them, if I’m attracted to them still, or if I still talk to them. It makes you look like a jealous creep whose being very clingy and lack the confidence in our relationship.

25. Don’t belittle the things I care about or what I think matter. I stop giving a fuck about a lot of things, don’t make yourself part of that list.

26. Don’t tell me how I should be feeling or assume you know why I’m feeling a certain type of way, and don’t get mad when I don’t feel something either.

27. Before we dated, my ex was on a dating app and he saw one of my friends there. He swiped left because “She was too pretty that she had to be a guy in drag”....Wtf. Never pull some shit like that. What the fresh hell do you expect me to say to some shit like that?!

28. If I’m tired from working and school and do other responsibilities, don’t say things like I need vitamins or to work out and eat healthy or compare your life to mine and say I shouldn’t be tired.

29. Deflate that big ass head of yours that's housing your ego and quit mansplaining things to me or your attempts to. You’re not always right and the times that you are, I either already know or it doesn’t fucking matter and you just like to hear your own god damn voice.

30. I’m not going to take a four hour drive that ends up being six hours because of traffic just to visit you in your igloo of a house for two days every other weekend... That’s a full twelve hours I spend in my car on the road in a chaotic and stressful traffic. I wouldn’t feel refresh and I would have to get up early in the bloody morning for school you selfish douche.

31. It’s not easy to find a job and I’m not going to drive over an hour to a job that pays minimum wage everyday. That’s a waste of gas and I’ll be loosing more money than I’m earning because I keep having to fill my car with stinking gas everyday!!

32. If you bite your nails or the skin around them. I know it’s a habit but no. It didn’t bother me before but it does now. I’m sorry.

33. If your ankle bitter of a dog tries to bite me, I will kick it in defense. I know she loves you but if you know she does not like people or at least strangers, put her fucking up away from guests dipshit.

34. I have a car. Don’t block my car and let me fucking drive once in a while especially if you’re complaining about money. Quit being an ass by complaining about money but then you don’t want me to drive so you’ll use your gas and money but then you’ll turn right back around about money problems and say you won’t treat me. (When I don’t even ask you to pay but whatever).

35. We don’t always have to go out somewhere. If we spend all day out together, I want to rest and take it easy, not go in the bedroom or drive somewhere you want us to have privacy. Selfish ass.

36. If I’m cooking a big breakfast, don’t be an ungrateful fuck by saying you want to go to iHop. If I’m making and giving you a gift just because, don’t be a ungrateful shit and make it seem like it’s a bother.

37. Talking about politics is ok every now and then, but if you LOVE to talk about it more than once day everyday? I can’t. It gets annoying, repetitive and I’ll start zoning you out because you won’t shut the fuck up.

38. Don’t pick me up if I really don’t want to be picked up. I have might legs of fury.

39. I can’t dance so don’t expect me to.

40. I get cold easily. I like to cuddle and I like to fall asleep while cuddling. It’s ok if you hog the blankets because I do that sometimes too.

I’m really tired so I’ll stop here for now. If I have anything else to add I’ll do it later

#relationship #single #need a boyfriend #rules #warnings #bad exes

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