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ughihategmail · 3 years

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my toxic trait is that i listen to the smiths to stay focused on my homework

#i'm a piece of shit #the smiths #hatful of hollow #student #studying #online school #i fucking hate online school #zoom classes #zoom class #chaotic academia #chaotic academia aesthetic #chaotic academia things

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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me, today, wearing bright pink crushed velvet sweatpants and big doc martens: ah, yes, i am very intimidating and scary

what???

it has come to my attention (aka my friends told me) that people find me intimidating. this is very confusing to me because i see myself as the human embodiment of a red rubber bouncy ball but apparently when you have rbf and a sassy sense of humor people are intimidated. very interesting. also i doubt my dedication to the grunge look from age nine all the way to age fourteen helped. hmm. will have to consider this. pls don’t perceive me anymore until i’ve figured out how to react to the fact that i am intimidating.

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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what???

it has come to my attention (aka my friends told me) that people find me intimidating. this is very confusing to me because i see myself as the human embodiment of a red rubber bouncy ball but apparently when you have rbf and a sassy sense of humor people are intimidated. very interesting. also i doubt my dedication to the grunge look from age nine all the way to age fourteen helped. hmm. will have to consider this. pls don’t perceive me anymore until i’ve figured out how to react to the fact that i am intimidating.

#perception #first impressions #intimidating #grunge #grunge aesthetic #don't percieve me #wtf i'm so confused

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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gretchen weiners said it best. thank you, gretchen.

#ides of march #mean girls

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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Me: [about fictional characters]

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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signs you might be a child of aphrodite

you put your eyeshadow on with your fingers because 1) it’s easier and 2) it looks softer and more whimsical that way

your eyeshadow is also almost always sparkly

eyeliner. that’s all

you have a very strong opinion about lipgloss vs lipstick and you won’t be swayed

you wear SO MUCH highlighter and you have so many different highlighter palettes and compacts

you fall in love with people for reasons that you can’t make sense of

you’ve often thought that love is both so simple and also the most complicated thing in the world

there’s one person who Fucked You Up, and you don’t think you’ll ever truly forget what it was like to love them with your whole entire heart

almost all the people you’re close with now were intimidated by you at first

“i thought you were mean before we became friends”

you run late all the time because you change your outfit because of last-minute outfit or hair changes

you ALWAYS have at least one hairbrush

either pink or black is your favorite color and you can’t decide between them

rosé wine is your favorite alcoholic drink and cherry or vanilla coke is your favorite soda

you’re a really good listener and you’re the person your friends go to for advice or validation

people have made fun of you for reading novels that mix romance and fantasy, but you know they just don’t understand

you’re really soft, sweet, and affectionate, but, with good reason, you will not hesitate to Fuck Shit Up

(if you’re a girl) engaging girl on girl pettiness is NOT the move

hating it when people call other people ugly just because they don’t like them (on that note, ugly isn’t a thing because eurocentric beauty standards are invalid)

you’ve gone through so many different fashion phases that they all just blur together and there's no telling how you’re going to dress the next day

you loved pretending to be a mermaid in the water when you were younger (say what you will about poseidon, but that's an aphrodite thing idc)

sometimes you say really sarcastic or petty things without thinking but you almost always feel bad after (but sometimes they just needed to be said)

you think thrift stores are always more fun

you know that actually you’re not overdressed, everyone else is just underdressed

you’ve always thought valentine’s day is NOT just about romance, it’s also about friends, self-love, and embracing your glamorous feminine side

you know all the good tips and tricks for skincare, face and full body lotions, shampoos, conditioners, and hair masks, makeup, color palettes, non-toxic metals for jewelry, etc

you hate it when people underestimate you because of your more “materialistic” interests, “it’s your loss that you think i can’t wear sparkly pink lipgloss, and also carry our biotech lab group on my back for the quarter”

you love switching up your accessories, hair dye and hair cuts/styles, makeup, fashion)

you’re either fluent in a romance language, took one in highschool or college, are taking one now in highschool or college, or have always wanted to learn one (it’s never too late!)

disco music hits different for you

you love writing poetry and long ramblings (waxing poetic)

you’ve always had a knack for reading emotions and body language and deciding how to respond to them for the best outcome, as well as the best way to comfort people depending on what they’re dealing with

you’re trying to drill it into your head that people who don't appreciate your flair for the dramatics are people you don’t need in your life

you know love and beauty are underrated as values and that needs to change

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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my morning so far through random thoughts

these thoughts are all related to school somehow and my brain is a hellscape

child of aphrodite gf and child of hephaestus gf, ugh my mind i’m so smart

hey dude are you an electron? because you’re so tiny that my chem and biotech teachers consider you irrelevant!!!! haha get rekt

i hate lana del rey as a person but i have really bad mommy issues so i can’t just not listen to her???

dude wtf why would you talk during the venice bitch guitar solo? so not cool

studying different religions is lots of fun, maybe i’ll think about a theology major

(ten seconds later) WAIT NO!!!! I’m already driving myself up the wall trying to choose between a writing/lit major and a biotech/stem major i DO NOT have the mental bandwidth to add theology into the mix

ooooh my lipgloss looks really good in this window!!!

yum coffee cake

why did i ever stop wearing barrettes?

how DARE AP classes use cornell notes of all fucking note taking methods i hate this

the barista gave me a decaf mocha but she’s really nice and i don’t want to make her redo my drink

that was probably the universes way of telling me to drink less caffeine

1 - Universe, 0 - Me

actually no i win because what ever higher power is out there has to put up with my constant bullshit so haha

i have no regard for coffee snobs let me have my caramel mocha in peace ty very much

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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anyone wanna wear bedsheets like they’re togas and go walking in the woods

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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So I’ve just started reading “The Song of Achilles,”

I’m on chapter 12, here are some quotes that have absolutely floored me so far:

“Dear gods, I think, let him not hate me. I should have known better than to call upon the gods.”

“I promised myself that if I ever saw him again, I would keep my thoughts behind my eyes.”

“Now I know how to make you follow me everywhere.” I have some thoughts abour this quote being ironic, but I’ll save them for later.

“There was a wildness in me, of hope and terror.”

“I will never leave him. It will be this, always, for as long as he will have me.”

“We were like gods at the dawning of the world, and our joy was so bright we could see nothing else but the other.” I was reading an article about writing quotable lines the other day, and this is a QUOTABLE LINE.

“Swear it.’ ‘Why me?’ ‘Because you’re the reason. Swear it.” Another quote that just struck a chord with me.

“I thought of the many nights I had lain awake in this room loving him in silence.” Listen, I might be a middle class Seattle teenager in 2021, but this concept of loving someone silently transcends time and place.

“If you have to go, you know I will go with you.” Wow, Achilles, how the tables have turned.

#the iliad #homer #the song of achilles #achilles #patroclus #patrochilles #greek texts #greek mythology #dark academia #dark academia aesthetic #grey academia #grey academia aesthetic #romantic academia #romantic academia aesthetic #light academia #light academia aesthetic #classic academia #classic academia aesthetic #academia

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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adhd academia

my experience with adhd and academia - also it has come to my attention (aka my therapist told me) that adderall or ritalin would probably be very helpful for me

forgetting to eat because what you’re working (hyperfixating) on is so much more interesting and taking up all the space in your brain

only being interested in studying and investing your energy into things that directly capture your interest

rereading your old/all-time favorite books more than you read new ones because a) they can be easier to focus on, b) hyperfixations come out of nowhere, and sometimes they hit you like a truck, and c) it’s fun to discover new details

lighting candles and cleaning your desk to create a calming, peaceful vibe while the rest of your room is a disaster space

either doing all your homework and studying at once in a burst of energy or dragging it out for as long as possible

simultaneously having a huge vocabulary to fall back on and swearing like a sailor

not really trusting your teachers because when you were younger they didn’t understand how your brain worked and you were either ignored or criticized

dramatically reading and reenacting texts

“bold of you to assume my intellect extends to common sense”

projecting onto fictional characters

studying and messing around at the same time

excuse me, my good sir, my papers are an organized mess

listening to classical music, not for the aesthetic but because you need it to tune out the background noises and unnecessary external stimulation

caring soooooooo much more about the latest book you’re reading, documentary series you're watching, or writing or art piece you’re working on, etc than your schoolwork

trying (and failing) to keep an organized planner

knitting during classes to keep your hands focused

fidgeting, so much fucking fidgeting

what are cornell notes? you only know scribbles and random notes

sometimes you have to fall back on ao3 for a bit because you need to read about characters, settings, and plotlines you’re already familiar with

test taking is so hard (thank G-d for the quiet rooms)

crying from relief when you finally get the 504/IEP/any other accomodotions you need

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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tragic every time

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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“we all know why” just say it’s because they’re white. say it out loud with your whole entire chest. trump supporters aren’t being stopped from storming government buildings because THEY! ARE! ALL! WHITE! that’s it. just say it.

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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tf is dark academia? just turn on the light

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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oh so you’re just going to wear a black turtleneck?? like some kind of slut????

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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the season, i suppose

I probably should’ve given you a homemade present. The sheer concept of a gift basket feels impersonal, materialistic, cold. But, as much as I wish it were the opposite, that's the general theme our interactions have been following lately.

Idly, I’ve been considering, wondering what would happen if I threw caution to the winds. If I just reached out, bridged the gap, and told you how I feel. Unfortunately, I’ve always been terrible with vulnerability, preferring to hide potential weakness behind a shield of dark comments and harsh jokes. I doubt that will change anytime soon.

I’ve been thinking about kissing you in the snow. About getting coffee and drinking it while we go for a long walk and talk about everything and nothing. Curling up under a throw blanket and watching shitty comedy shows. Me reading you passages from my favorite books, us laughing about how insanely stupid Bunny is and you telling me when I’m being too pretentious. Me plodding my way through Calculus and Trig and all that other business, and editing your writing assignments once I’m done (I’ll pretend to care about grammar). I’ve thought about it all.

I’ve also learned to be a realist. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have had to, but it is what it is. I know the ice will melt, the new year will come quickly, without mercy, and the heat will erase everything in its path.

So, with that in mind, the basket really isn’t that bad. ‘Tis the fucking season.

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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shit man tomorrow is christmas eve i swear yesterday was June 2010

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ughihategmail · 3 years

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Alright Love, Simon is amazing which means now let’s get that Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe movie we deserve please

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